#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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Mori will probably tell Birdie and Ollie. I think Birdie is going to take it out on morrigan. She'll say something, she'll make a very bad decision against the fate stitcher.
Liliana will probably message Telvin, if she can. Let him know she's gone. They'll both be gone. She doesn't know about the lake. She's so weak. She tells him she loves him and that she's sorry.
Delilah will be stuck on the moon. In a crystal. At least Gwendolyn de Rolo will never have to feel that hatred again.
Who will tell Milo? Will Justi hear from the the fungi that they found them? Will she leave the den to go find them? Will Milo and Justi mourn them?
Will the Platinum Dragon reinstate his family? After years and wrong turns, will the Platinum Dragon absolve him? Will they raise him to Sainthood? Side by side with Saint Graham?
C Pop originals will, of course, double in value. But they all start to seep this energy, this magic. They will be sought after and hoarded. And the few C Poppers who've met him will talk about his bravery. His sacrifice.
The Silken Squall will be without an heir. Zeru will cut his hair and properly mourn, even without his body. His stewardess, their mother, will never sing again. Music sounds too much like him. She can hear him in every note. Every melody.
Keyleth will have to tell Alma. She hates this part. And so close after her own goodbyes.
Nel and Baernie and Leeta and Maeve will have to sit with the fact that all the men they love in this world were taken by the same cause. The same people. When Ludinus Da'leth inevitably comes back, the triplets want to know. They will be there to kill him again.
Alma stops taking patients. Her apprentices will handle it. She can't bear to look at a baby. He was once a baby. He was so small in her arms. Those memories. They are weighed down by knowing how he ends. She can't look at a baby, a child. All she can think about is how one day a boy will become a man and whether it is fair or not he will die. Maybe too early. Maybe that man with so much left to live will die young and unjust.
If anyones left after this, that is.
#silver sending stones#cr spoilers#im. having emotions.#im very hung up on after if you couldnt tell#dont get me started on the pit in my chest that forms every time i think too hard about dorym#the orym that kissed dorian and said he wanted to figure things out is the same man that went catatonic after killing ludinus#all of that hope just drained out of orym and im crying about it tbh#anyways. will i write a fic? i didnt plan on it but maybe.#because tpk fic and terrible no good time line foc might occupy the same space in me#so we'll have to see#anyways fuck it#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#imogen temult#cr fearne#cr laudna#ashton greymoore#chetney pock o'pea#braius doomseed#blah blah blah
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dude i wanted to talk about this but when i wanted to the “mephone is a child” shit was still ongoing so before i start i wanna preface if i see any “he is just a child/baby:(“ i will kick every joint in your body halfway across the hemisphere
anyways. i did not get much insight into this beforehand because i joined quite literally a few days before ii16 dropped, but i realized that mephone before the Reveal was always seen as this mostly put together guy who has the whole gameshow thing figured out and just has some baggage on the way. not to say there were not hints to show he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing (gestures to season 3. “yeah! for photos and stuff.” “in my defense, i never thought they’d check.”) but other than his memories in episode 13 and glimpses and hints throughout the season it really seemed like he was the host to have it All Figured Out.
and OH WHAT A MASK THAT T’WAS!!!! perhaps this is my own dumbassery showing but any hint or glimpse of his naivety or dare i say childishness was smoothed over by that reality show host persona. i mean, in episode 15 that was shown in full force when he nearly went the whole episode Almost Successfully wearing the wacky host persona until cobs had to take that mask and shatter it.
and then shoot it 56 times and beat it with a baseball bat. like the fact that he didn’t realize that he created his own contestants until cobs told him himself really just tears down the whole act. like the whole interview with box just confirming yeah. this fucker tricked you all. bro had NO clue what he was doing.
anyways. this has been my essay
#worf opens their big mouth#like i absolutely feel like i could’ve explained myself better but you get me right.#also the fact that calling him just a baby sorta waters down the actual torture he inflicted on the contestants#AND also sorta numbs times when he’s had genuine emotional growth#to mepad: ‘so don’t lecture me about trust. i’ve tried trusting.’#(s3) to the finalists: ‘thanks for trusting i’d figure it out.’ (abbreviated)#anyways guys can you guess who my favorite character is#i made it REALLY difficult so no worries if it’s hard to guess ❤️#inanimate insanity#ii18 spoilers#ii mephone4#ii mephone#// long post#20#30
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( />/</) ehehe
#botw#zora#sidon#bazz#sidbazz#oh wow is this the first time im posting a ship art of them? really?#i thought i already drew so many#anyway#this is supposed to take place some decades before botw events when sidon was more in his teenage-ish years#thats why the size difference isn't that visible#i have the whole timeline figured out you see#there is even a whole story for this stupid ship that im not going to share now#but i hope the emotions sorta manage to come through anyway#also yes i am ignoring the 3d-ness of sidon's head handlebars very hard why are you asking#it's in service of having pretty posing i am justified
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and I begin to bloom like a lotus flower once again the Agust D trilogy
#agust d#min yoongi#bts#suga#bts suga#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bts gifs#btsedit#my gifs#i've had this concept in my head for a while now#and i've been trying to figure out how i wanted to do it#and i finally figured it out#the font is the pulp fiction font lol#i wanted to use the scarface font but it's paid and all the free versions look weird#and like... i'm not paying $30 for a font i'll only use once#and anyway the color effect wouldn't really work with it#this set right here is the entire reason i decided to learn how to make gifs in photoshop#anyway his eyes man#he has the most beautiful intense eyes i have ever seen#amygdala is very very hard for me to watch actually#and that's part of why this took me so long also#had to keep in mind what he said in the shoot sketch lol#cuz like... y'know really amygdala is faaaaaar from my favorite agust d track#but the sheer emotion in both the song itself and the mv#it's almost suffocating#he's tremendously talented and yeah i'm a lil obsessed tbh lol
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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y'all stop saying fyodor has never looked so sincerely angry before. he has.
I know this because, and this is not an exaggeration, the vast majority of my manga revisits are to enjoy his expressions of anger, disdain, and malcontent. i shit you not, several of my bsd meta posts wholly unrelated to fyodor were written because I happened to notice something else while flipping through to imbibe fedya's hissy fits. I don't reread the manga when I do this, just those scenes, unless something else catches my attention.
anyway, stop disrespecting my beloved pastime.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd fyodor#most people are remarkably bad at reading expressions#not me though#this isnt a bit i fixated on how emotions are nonverbally communicated so that i could lie better and to develop a pleading face#for most of elementary school i studied people's faces and workshopped my own by getting feedback from others and testing them in the field#then in 8th grade my gifted program teacher made us take an assessment on how well we could read faces#to debunk body language expertise#and demonstrate the fact that most people think they can read faces but most of us cant#emphasizing why trials and presumptions based on assumptions that we can are harmful#everyone predictably failed real hard#except for me. i made an 80%#my teacher made me take it again and explain to her my process.#then she asked where i learned it and i explained to her that i never got stickers at naptime in kindergarten because i never slept#so i began obsessively refining my fake sleep#it took months but i figured out how to coordinate all of the tells and it worked i started getting stickers#so then i started to practice other states of mind#and she marked me an outlier and removed me from the data 😭#anyway. all im saying is. i love fedya's face.
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finally got my pics back from the lil shoot i did at the japanese gardens earlier this month c: i honestly didnt know what other pose to do but other than that i think these look super cool! it’s my very first cosplay as well so i’m still figuring out how to be photographed and stuff
#tbh i don’t like my double chin though#i was considering editing it out but i decided against it. i feel like it would be disrespectful towards myself to do so#i’m still learning how to be phtographed in a way i’m satisfied with & i shouldnt be so hard on myself for not figuring it out immediately#i’m allowed to feel proud of these and want to show these off despite not thinking i look perfect or 100% like the character#though to make myself feel better i do hc maya as a bit chubby. she does love burgerd after all#anyway sappy emotional rant over#tuna stuff#ace attorney#ayasato mayoi#maya fey#ace attuna#gyakuten saiban#cosplay#ace attorney cosplay
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Tell us about "chapter 9" 👀
Heheheh it’s not really that mysterious but!! I’m emotionally invested anyway!!! I love this fic with all my heart
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Your eyes were lidded. You were looking his way, but it didn’t look like you were looking at him. You looked like you were somewhere else. Did you even notice him?
There were tears in your eyes. You didn’t react to them.
The voices faded into silence. He approached you slowly.
“hey… sunlight.” He whispered. His voice was sweet, soft. Like approaching a butterfly that landed on your windowsill, making sure not to make any loud noises that might startle it.
His glitches faded away.
“it’s ok, you’re ok.” He reassured you.
He wasn’t sure if you were listening to him, but you calmed down.
“... you should go back to sleep, ok?”
You blinked slowly, sniffled, and rubbed your eyes. Maybe your subconscious understood him, because you turned back and closed the door with a click.
A sense of want filled his ribcage.
“... i love you,” He murmured. “one day, you’ll hear me.”
#hmmm a glitching monster i wonder who it could be!!! so hard to figure out!!#dklfjlg#this chapter is getting very#Very long#but im having a lot of fun writing it because lots of emotions hohohohoh#ask game#inbox#im attached to this fic idk about anyone else but its Important To Me#ask
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HER RIGHT ARM IS LITERALLT ON HIS HEART IT’S ACTUALLY SICK. NOT A BIT OF AIR BETWEEN THEM
#it’s the same hand he missed by a hair btw. her right one#loz#totk#zelink#i’ve been cornplating the hell out of the falling sequence in totk#literally looking up totk ending 60fps 4k on youtube and playing it at 0.25 speed#because nintendo made the worst camera angle decisions ever for this cutscene and im trying to figure out how theyre posed#and this mad eme emotional#first link’s smile out of bounds when zelda says “warm loving embrace”#and then this just barely visible with the greatest scrutiny and multiple videos some in 4k and some with with different bottom armor#why do they want to hide the details so bad like……trying to figure out their vertical pose here has been so hard#the fact that i have to use different videos just to show more details is crazy. like i had to rely on speedrunners for wearing no pants#totk spoilers#but i found this when comparing the footage and it made me go. AAAGGHHHHH
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I’ve been rereading this lovely fic by @erinyra (it’s great I seriously recommend) and I’ve been doing some thinking and I do think Mihawk should get sick and it could be just like a passing illness or bug but something that lays him out for a bit and while yes I think a sick Mihawk would be adorable and terrifying and I love that for me.
I also think it’d be a way for Shanks to confront his probably latent issues with illness and seemingly untouchable people. After all his captain was as untouchable as they come, literally king of the pirates, but he still got sick and that ruined Shanks life. And here it is happening all over again. Mihawk probably the strongest most unflappable person he knows is sick with some unknown disease (not really his anxiety riddled mind just can’t process what Hongo is saying) And Shanks is not handling it…..well.
Shanks can withstand many things; any manner of injury or bodily harm to him and his loved ones that’s fine they can walk it off. but illness? he does not fuck with illness…
#mishanks#I think when Mihawk’s on the mend and Shanks can have him out of sight for 5 secs without thinking he’s dying#he’d probably go to Shakky’s bar and have a drink with Rayleigh as they both pretend there isn’t a lot of hurt between them#I just think it’d be interesting to explore what kind of pychosis Roger’s death gave him#shanks the no 1 opponent of scurvy for real#red hair pirates get an orange a day to keep the scurvy away and their captain sane#shanks using Mihawk as a proxy to work out his latent issues with how the Roger pirates disbanding went down#mihawk just trying very hard not to throw up as he tries to figure out which of the three Shanks is real and talking to him#I think Mihawk would be simultaneously the worst and best patient in the world#cause he already has a proclivity to nap it’s the little times he’s away that’s the problem#Yoru probably weighs almost as much as him and his weak bedridden self would still try to carry her everywhere#Shanks is too lost in the void of emotions to help#so Benn has to manage the sick Mihawk#throwing thoughts to the void#one piece#dracule mihawk#op#hawkeye mihawk#akagami no shanks#shanks#red haired pirates#red haired shanks#roger pirates#benn beckman#akataka#mihawk x shanks#red hair shanks#one piece thoughts#gol d roger#silvers rayleigh
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I loved “Im not sorry for loving you” because guess what bitch I’ve been there too and I’m not a bad person for relating to this song
Please stop hating on a character/song that people worked hard to create just because it doesn’t match your perspective of the character
#some of you don’t get that this is not the same character from the original story#epic the musical#epic the vengeance saga#calypso#i’m not sorry for loving you#love in paradise#the wisdom saga#epic the wisdom saga#I cannot stand people saying that this was emotional manipulation and that she is an awful character#I’m starting to get annoyed that people keep comparing epic the musical to the actual odyssey (specifically the female characters)#Jay and the entire Epic team worked hard on these songs and this story to paint these characters in a new light#they choose to toned down the bad things that characters did to allow the audience to sympathize more with them#it’s so easy to hate a bad character for being obviously bad#but it takes more critical thinking to figure out the motives and reasons for a characters actions#i could go on#let me go on
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This creature has been smooched on her face and stuffed full of snacks <3
We qualified each rally obedience run (despite large areas requiring handler improvement <3) and finished the weekend with a 97, 84, and 97. This baby dog now has her Rally Advanced title!
(All rosettes were default as we were the only ones in our class.)
#a whole collection of emotions#I am really proud of her#she is a fun little dog and she tries so hard#I asked too much of her to do two trials in a day (now I know)#lots of areas for improvement but this was a nice satisfying way to finish trialing for a while#my low key goals this year was her RN and CH (if we were lucky)#so to have finished both of those + her RA has me a bit lost now#we're probably taking a break for a while until I figure out what our next steps are#she's growing up so fast and yet is so baby 😭#turnpike#gotta go camping with all this nice weather
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Sometimes I still think about The Owl House Gang all trying to watch ATLA together but then Zuko's backstory in The Storm retraumatizes Hunter so bad they have to stop
#luz is too young to have grown up with the show she just heard it was good#SHE DIDN'T KNOW GUYS#they all get super into it and the gaang and maybe even make some jokes about how Zuko reminds them of Hunter#and then suddenly it is Not Funny Anymore#they just straight up stop watching it because it was So Bad#and then months later Hunter is like '....... i really want to know where that show goes'#so they pick it up again#everytime Zuko makes a bad life decision Hunter is just dying inside#'your dad DOES NOT LOVE YOU YOU CAN DO BETTER'#season 2 is such an emotional rollercoaster#like zuko is figuring stuff out and seems like he's gonna redeem himself and everyone is getting so hype#because at this point they NEED to see this character get a happy ending because they have been throufh WAY TOO MUCH over him#and then in the season finale he regresses#the BETRAYAL#they are like wailing and rending their clothes like dudes in the bible#hunter just sitting there with his head in his hands#season 3 storyline with zuko at the fire palace is also massively triggering for him but he's being so normal about it#the rest of the squad on the copium like 'he can still turn this around guys'#secretly several of them have given up on him at this point but they can't admit that there's too much riding on this#and then zuko DOES IT but the scene is so tense that no one even feels like they can celebrate because they're all projecting way too hard#and then zuko redirects the lightning and they're like 'FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!'#there is much crying at the finale#luz and amity kin assigned eachother as aang and katara so they're really happy when they get together#hunter like 'mostly this is making me glad I didn't have to become the political leader of The Boiling Isles as a traumatized 16 year old'#'can you imagine'#these tags were not supposed to be this long lmao#toh#atla#avatar#my rambles
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
#it’s literally been wavessss of emotions lately#life feels weird w no friends or a partner but it is peaceful#i’ve been spiraling lately bc i’ve been feeling lonely#but i have to keep reminding myself that i’ll attract the right people eventually#right now i’m focusing on finding myself again and being content w where i am bc ive been so so so hard on myself lately#it’s better to have solitude rather than faking my personality around the wrong people#i deserve to be loved for who i am and i’ll wait to love the future people that come into my life#things will be okay and i know now that it isn’t time for a relationship#my first wlw crush and i are still flirting and talking everyday but i knowwww i cant get involved bc i still have sm to worry about#i do love her so much but we both have shit we need to figure out and we’d probably destroy each other if we decided to fully fall in#i’m ranting rn guys but this is the first halloweekend i didn’t go out and i was kinda sad abt it but im also SO glad bc i usually act so#stupid and dumb when i drink impulsively#it’s for the best#i don’t drink as much as i used to and that in itself should be something i am proud of#hehe anyways ily all and if you read this entire thing i love u even more#personal
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"conservative mean girl in high school 10 years later" literally jj. I do not understand how people walk away with the impression that she's the "sweet one" of the group... if you pay even a little bit of attention to her words or actions. she's like. one of the meanest ones imo.
also to be fair about ignoring some of the shitty parts of the other characters/chalking it up to bad writing is that genuinely sometimes they'll just write the most inconsistent/out of character shit just for the part it plays to the plot. but with jj, yeah, there's bad writing, but one of her most consistent character traits is STILL mean girl and abilism. saying all of those moments are bad writing really leaves you with nothing with her sghdjgkhkh
was watching through season 7 (and some of 8) and like. I already know about the Unbearable Mother personality but. like I was really noticing how bad it was for that season. one of the only things she contributes to the profile is "maternal instinct" "maybe this is about a child" "what if they're trying to start a family" type shit... none of them are above saying dumb shit like this but it's specifically that they really concentrated it into her agdhfjkgkh
(also yes big fan of your JJ Takes™️ it may not make her more likable but it does make her actually interesting)
she’s canonically the mean girl of the group.
the writing inconsistencies always suck, but they consistently write her to be overly judgmental and belittling of others. what is left to enjoy???
for some cm characters, i honestly just ignore aspects of their character i dont like. even with my dislike of jj, i can recognize that all the “im a mom” shit is just sexist writing. it annoys the shit out of me, but i cant hold it against her
#i dont think i would mind it as much if they did it with hotch more or gave her more moments w him ab being a parent#but tbh most of the times the two of them talk ab being parents its always presented as if shes the overly emotional one#idk its just always giving misogyny#asks#anyway sorry i forgot to answer this lol i read it days ago and just forgor to answer#sometimes i have a hard time figuring out what to add when i agree w the ask so completely yk
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