#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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( />/</) ehehe
#botw#zora#sidon#bazz#sidbazz#oh wow is this the first time im posting a ship art of them? really?#i thought i already drew so many#anyway#this is supposed to take place some decades before botw events when sidon was more in his teenage-ish years#thats why the size difference isn't that visible#i have the whole timeline figured out you see#there is even a whole story for this stupid ship that im not going to share now#but i hope the emotions sorta manage to come through anyway#also yes i am ignoring the 3d-ness of sidon's head handlebars very hard why are you asking#it's in service of having pretty posing i am justified
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swatchvember prompt: party
happy 37th birthday to Microsoft Paint ✨🎂🎉🎈
#deltarune#swatch#swatchlings#tasque manager#queen#art#swatchvember#THE ONE PROMPT I COULD NOT AFFORD TO MISS THE DATE ON#''guys what theme should we do for the bosses cake'' ''what if we made 3 cakes with diff themes and stacked them on top of each other''#''by the fountains Percy you are a genius''#queen makes them run around all day doing stupid shit and they finally get to the cafe and mysteriously its rented out#they cannot believe this is the first they're hearing of it this stuff usually has to go through them first#they very quickly find out that queen is also behind this and it is a huge private party just for them <3 they work so hard they deserve it#she is Snapping that stupid party hat onto their stupid head#and Repeatedly shoving a second one over the end of their beak all night to be annoying#yknow its good when swatch breaks character and actually Emotes but its an even better sign when they go completely static#because that means they are hiding an absolutely embarrassing display of emotion and its taking All of their energy#the cake flavors are strawberry - chocolate/vanilla split - and Funfetti btw#... funfetti is just vanilla with sprinkles in it last i checked but Shut Up Lmao#also i totally messed up their mood tints i figured fear was yellow but happiness is also yellow. so. i decided fear is more of a#highlighter/yellow-green color and happiness yellow is like a. nice mac and cheese yellow :) very warm but still distinctly golden#one is pleasant to look at and one is terrible
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and I begin to bloom like a lotus flower once again the Agust D trilogy
#agust d#min yoongi#bts#suga#bts suga#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bts gifs#btsedit#my gifs#i've had this concept in my head for a while now#and i've been trying to figure out how i wanted to do it#and i finally figured it out#the font is the pulp fiction font lol#i wanted to use the scarface font but it's paid and all the free versions look weird#and like... i'm not paying $30 for a font i'll only use once#and anyway the color effect wouldn't really work with it#this set right here is the entire reason i decided to learn how to make gifs in photoshop#anyway his eyes man#he has the most beautiful intense eyes i have ever seen#amygdala is very very hard for me to watch actually#and that's part of why this took me so long also#had to keep in mind what he said in the shoot sketch lol#cuz like... y'know really amygdala is faaaaaar from my favorite agust d track#but the sheer emotion in both the song itself and the mv#it's almost suffocating#he's tremendously talented and yeah i'm a lil obsessed tbh lol
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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y'all stop saying fyodor has never looked so sincerely angry before. he has.
I know this because, and this is not an exaggeration, the vast majority of my manga revisits are to enjoy his expressions of anger, disdain, and malcontent. i shit you not, several of my bsd meta posts wholly unrelated to fyodor were written because I happened to notice something else while flipping through to imbibe fedya's hissy fits. I don't reread the manga when I do this, just those scenes, unless something else catches my attention.
anyway, stop disrespecting my beloved pastime.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd fyodor#most people are remarkably bad at reading expressions#not me though#this isnt a bit i fixated on how emotions are nonverbally communicated so that i could lie better and to develop a pleading face#for most of elementary school i studied people's faces and workshopped my own by getting feedback from others and testing them in the field#then in 8th grade my gifted program teacher made us take an assessment on how well we could read faces#to debunk body language expertise#and demonstrate the fact that most people think they can read faces but most of us cant#emphasizing why trials and presumptions based on assumptions that we can are harmful#everyone predictably failed real hard#except for me. i made an 80%#my teacher made me take it again and explain to her my process.#then she asked where i learned it and i explained to her that i never got stickers at naptime in kindergarten because i never slept#so i began obsessively refining my fake sleep#it took months but i figured out how to coordinate all of the tells and it worked i started getting stickers#so then i started to practice other states of mind#and she marked me an outlier and removed me from the data 😭#anyway. all im saying is. i love fedya's face.
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finally got my pics back from the lil shoot i did at the japanese gardens earlier this month c: i honestly didnt know what other pose to do but other than that i think these look super cool! it’s my very first cosplay as well so i’m still figuring out how to be photographed and stuff
#tbh i don’t like my double chin though#i was considering editing it out but i decided against it. i feel like it would be disrespectful towards myself to do so#i’m still learning how to be phtographed in a way i’m satisfied with & i shouldnt be so hard on myself for not figuring it out immediately#i’m allowed to feel proud of these and want to show these off despite not thinking i look perfect or 100% like the character#though to make myself feel better i do hc maya as a bit chubby. she does love burgerd after all#anyway sappy emotional rant over#tuna stuff#ace attorney#ayasato mayoi#maya fey#ace attuna#gyakuten saiban#cosplay#ace attorney cosplay
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Tell us about "chapter 9" 👀
Heheheh it’s not really that mysterious but!! I’m emotionally invested anyway!!! I love this fic with all my heart
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Your eyes were lidded. You were looking his way, but it didn’t look like you were looking at him. You looked like you were somewhere else. Did you even notice him?
There were tears in your eyes. You didn’t react to them.
The voices faded into silence. He approached you slowly.
“hey… sunlight.” He whispered. His voice was sweet, soft. Like approaching a butterfly that landed on your windowsill, making sure not to make any loud noises that might startle it.
His glitches faded away.
“it’s ok, you’re ok.” He reassured you.
He wasn’t sure if you were listening to him, but you calmed down.
“... you should go back to sleep, ok?”
You blinked slowly, sniffled, and rubbed your eyes. Maybe your subconscious understood him, because you turned back and closed the door with a click.
A sense of want filled his ribcage.
“... i love you,” He murmured. “one day, you’ll hear me.”
#hmmm a glitching monster i wonder who it could be!!! so hard to figure out!!#dklfjlg#this chapter is getting very#Very long#but im having a lot of fun writing it because lots of emotions hohohohoh#ask game#inbox#im attached to this fic idk about anyone else but its Important To Me#ask
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HER RIGHT ARM IS LITERALLT ON HIS HEART IT’S ACTUALLY SICK. NOT A BIT OF AIR BETWEEN THEM
#it’s the same hand he missed by a hair btw. her right one#loz#totk#zelink#i’ve been cornplating the hell out of the falling sequence in totk#literally looking up totk ending 60fps 4k on youtube and playing it at 0.25 speed#because nintendo made the worst camera angle decisions ever for this cutscene and im trying to figure out how theyre posed#and this mad eme emotional#first link’s smile out of bounds when zelda says “warm loving embrace”#and then this just barely visible with the greatest scrutiny and multiple videos some in 4k and some with with different bottom armor#why do they want to hide the details so bad like……trying to figure out their vertical pose here has been so hard#the fact that i have to use different videos just to show more details is crazy. like i had to rely on speedrunners for wearing no pants#totk spoilers#but i found this when comparing the footage and it made me go. AAAGGHHHHH
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I’ve been rereading this lovely fic by @erinyra (it’s great I seriously recommend) and I’ve been doing some thinking and I do think Mihawk should get sick and it could be just like a passing illness or bug but something that lays him out for a bit and while yes I think a sick Mihawk would be adorable and terrifying and I love that for me.
I also think it’d be a way for Shanks to confront his probably latent issues with illness and seemingly untouchable people. After all his captain was as untouchable as they come, literally king of the pirates, but he still got sick and that ruined Shanks life. And here it is happening all over again. Mihawk probably the strongest most unflappable person he knows is sick with some unknown disease (not really his anxiety riddled mind just can’t process what Hongo is saying) And Shanks is not handling it…..well.
Shanks can withstand many things; any manner of injury or bodily harm to him and his loved ones that’s fine they can walk it off. but illness? he does not fuck with illness…
#mishanks#I think when Mihawk’s on the mend and Shanks can have him out of sight for 5 secs without thinking he’s dying#he’d probably go to Shakky’s bar and have a drink with Rayleigh as they both pretend there isn’t a lot of hurt between them#I just think it’d be interesting to explore what kind of pychosis Roger’s death gave him#shanks the no 1 opponent of scurvy for real#red hair pirates get an orange a day to keep the scurvy away and their captain sane#shanks using Mihawk as a proxy to work out his latent issues with how the Roger pirates disbanding went down#mihawk just trying very hard not to throw up as he tries to figure out which of the three Shanks is real and talking to him#I think Mihawk would be simultaneously the worst and best patient in the world#cause he already has a proclivity to nap it’s the little times he’s away that’s the problem#Yoru probably weighs almost as much as him and his weak bedridden self would still try to carry her everywhere#Shanks is too lost in the void of emotions to help#so Benn has to manage the sick Mihawk#throwing thoughts to the void#one piece#dracule mihawk#op#hawkeye mihawk#akagami no shanks#shanks#red haired pirates#red haired shanks#roger pirates#benn beckman#akataka#mihawk x shanks#red hair shanks#one piece thoughts#gol d roger#silvers rayleigh
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This creature has been smooched on her face and stuffed full of snacks <3
We qualified each rally obedience run (despite large areas requiring handler improvement <3) and finished the weekend with a 97, 84, and 97. This baby dog now has her Rally Advanced title!
(All rosettes were default as we were the only ones in our class.)
#a whole collection of emotions#I am really proud of her#she is a fun little dog and she tries so hard#I asked too much of her to do two trials in a day (now I know)#lots of areas for improvement but this was a nice satisfying way to finish trialing for a while#my low key goals this year was her RN and CH (if we were lucky)#so to have finished both of those + her RA has me a bit lost now#we're probably taking a break for a while until I figure out what our next steps are#she's growing up so fast and yet is so baby 😭#turnpike#gotta go camping with all this nice weather
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I loved “Im not sorry for loving you” because guess what bitch I’ve been there too and I’m not a bad person for relating to this song
Please stop hating on a character/song that people worked hard to create just because it doesn’t match your perspective of the character
#some of you don’t get that this is not the same character from the original story#epic the musical#epic the vengeance saga#calypso#i’m not sorry for loving you#love in paradise#the wisdom saga#epic the wisdom saga#I cannot stand people saying that this was emotional manipulation and that she is an awful character#I’m starting to get annoyed that people keep comparing epic the musical to the actual odyssey (specifically the female characters)#Jay and the entire Epic team worked hard on these songs and this story to paint these characters in a new light#they choose to toned down the bad things that characters did to allow the audience to sympathize more with them#it’s so easy to hate a bad character for being obviously bad#but it takes more critical thinking to figure out the motives and reasons for a characters actions#i could go on#let me go on
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Sometimes I still think about The Owl House Gang all trying to watch ATLA together but then Zuko's backstory in The Storm retraumatizes Hunter so bad they have to stop
#luz is too young to have grown up with the show she just heard it was good#SHE DIDN'T KNOW GUYS#they all get super into it and the gaang and maybe even make some jokes about how Zuko reminds them of Hunter#and then suddenly it is Not Funny Anymore#they just straight up stop watching it because it was So Bad#and then months later Hunter is like '....... i really want to know where that show goes'#so they pick it up again#everytime Zuko makes a bad life decision Hunter is just dying inside#'your dad DOES NOT LOVE YOU YOU CAN DO BETTER'#season 2 is such an emotional rollercoaster#like zuko is figuring stuff out and seems like he's gonna redeem himself and everyone is getting so hype#because at this point they NEED to see this character get a happy ending because they have been throufh WAY TOO MUCH over him#and then in the season finale he regresses#the BETRAYAL#they are like wailing and rending their clothes like dudes in the bible#hunter just sitting there with his head in his hands#season 3 storyline with zuko at the fire palace is also massively triggering for him but he's being so normal about it#the rest of the squad on the copium like 'he can still turn this around guys'#secretly several of them have given up on him at this point but they can't admit that there's too much riding on this#and then zuko DOES IT but the scene is so tense that no one even feels like they can celebrate because they're all projecting way too hard#and then zuko redirects the lightning and they're like 'FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!'#there is much crying at the finale#luz and amity kin assigned eachother as aang and katara so they're really happy when they get together#hunter like 'mostly this is making me glad I didn't have to become the political leader of The Boiling Isles as a traumatized 16 year old'#'can you imagine'#these tags were not supposed to be this long lmao#toh#atla#avatar#my rambles
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i don't think you've made a solaris design yet.... but am i allowed to request solaris anyways. or will i get beaten with two billion hammers until i die. for this.
No hammers for you, these asks hold me accountable to actually design the characters...
Filled a double page spread with just her...thus the 'Oops! All Solaris'
On THAT note, +2 sketchbook pages filled, 6/30 completed. I have 2 weeks until my hand in so I gotta pick up the pace. Blimey.
#waugh ty for the ask a lot of this was me getting a feel for her design but...im very fond of it...idk.... it's kinna fun#her shapes are nice..i loosely based her body type on my mom#it also took me a hot MINUTE to figure out what she'd wear then i remembered dungarees exist#I also like her in a jumpsuit kinna thing like prism#i just got silly with her!!! I'm trying to push myself more and more with my art idk if you can tell#like yk I'm trying hard not to fall into skinny and white etc etc eventhough im just getting dtarted with people and such#and yk i have improved and that's crazy to me because i look at stuff i did a month ago and im like hm! im doing better#and that's. awesome#i love it here#also uhh i really like giving characters an eye shape to fit their personality it's fun to me so yeah. permanently lidded eyes for her#she has 2 emotes unlocked/j#but nyeah!!!#[agent moose's art]#ieytd#solaris#commander solaris#tw healed scars#tw scars
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edens!
requested from @emissary-of-dog
#pokemon rejuvenation#pokemon desolation#art#i know the request was most likely just rejuv eden but i figured both wouldn't hurt! if thats ok. if it does hurt ill adjust the post lmk#i feel like its obv here but the ref for eden rejuv here is the etto... bleh! meme. i couldn't think of anything else.#eden rejuv was hard to nail down in terms of personality. the only real ref i could rlly conjur was zumi's ych auction i found while search#searching for refs. it was kinda funny. the fingerless gloves are just a hc of mine. i think being able control emotions is awesome.#to control vulnerability is to be vulnerable themselves (not. lol) so i thought the hc could have a lil weight.#also i did notice that all of the androids notably have gloves on. in different manners. thats fun.#eden deso is here! i forgot her name until i had to remember who eden was in the rebornverse games and she popped up#and then i thought initially the requester meant her till i realized. oh. its probably rejuv.#i thought it would be fun! i hope i did her justice. she's with garrett here :]#funny enough these characters are both currently out of the narrative but carry a pretty notable role. i thought that was funny.#hauled myself to color these cause i badly need to practice that.
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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