#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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tokyoteddywolf · 10 months ago
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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screechingfromthevoid · 18 days ago
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Mori will probably tell Birdie and Ollie. I think Birdie is going to take it out on morrigan. She'll say something, she'll make a very bad decision against the fate stitcher.
Liliana will probably message Telvin, if she can. Let him know she's gone. They'll both be gone. She doesn't know about the lake. She's so weak. She tells him she loves him and that she's sorry.
Delilah will be stuck on the moon. In a crystal. At least Gwendolyn de Rolo will never have to feel that hatred again.
Who will tell Milo? Will Justi hear from the the fungi that they found them? Will she leave the den to go find them? Will Milo and Justi mourn them?
Will the Platinum Dragon reinstate his family? After years and wrong turns, will the Platinum Dragon absolve him? Will they raise him to Sainthood? Side by side with Saint Graham?
C Pop originals will, of course, double in value. But they all start to seep this energy, this magic. They will be sought after and hoarded. And the few C Poppers who've met him will talk about his bravery. His sacrifice.
The Silken Squall will be without an heir. Zeru will cut his hair and properly mourn, even without his body. His stewardess, their mother, will never sing again. Music sounds too much like him. She can hear him in every note. Every melody.
Keyleth will have to tell Alma. She hates this part. And so close after her own goodbyes.
Nel and Baernie and Leeta and Maeve will have to sit with the fact that all the men they love in this world were taken by the same cause. The same people. When Ludinus Da'leth inevitably comes back, the triplets want to know. They will be there to kill him again.
Alma stops taking patients. Her apprentices will handle it. She can't bear to look at a baby. He was once a baby. He was so small in her arms. Those memories. They are weighed down by knowing how he ends. She can't look at a baby, a child. All she can think about is how one day a boy will become a man and whether it is fair or not he will die. Maybe too early. Maybe that man with so much left to live will die young and unjust.
If anyones left after this, that is.
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florshedworf · 17 days ago
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dude i wanted to talk about this but when i wanted to the “mephone is a child” shit was still ongoing so before i start i wanna preface if i see any “he is just a child/baby:(“ i will kick every joint in your body halfway across the hemisphere
anyways. i did not get much insight into this beforehand because i joined quite literally a few days before ii16 dropped, but i realized that mephone before the Reveal was always seen as this mostly put together guy who has the whole gameshow thing figured out and just has some baggage on the way. not to say there were not hints to show he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing (gestures to season 3. “yeah! for photos and stuff.” “in my defense, i never thought they’d check.”) but other than his memories in episode 13 and glimpses and hints throughout the season it really seemed like he was the host to have it All Figured Out.
and OH WHAT A MASK THAT T’WAS!!!! perhaps this is my own dumbassery showing but any hint or glimpse of his naivety or dare i say childishness was smoothed over by that reality show host persona. i mean, in episode 15 that was shown in full force when he nearly went the whole episode Almost Successfully wearing the wacky host persona until cobs had to take that mask and shatter it.
and then shoot it 56 times and beat it with a baseball bat. like the fact that he didn’t realize that he created his own contestants until cobs told him himself really just tears down the whole act. like the whole interview with box just confirming yeah. this fucker tricked you all. bro had NO clue what he was doing.
anyways. this has been my essay
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gabelew · 9 months ago
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( />/</) ehehe
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thatgoddamngingerundercut · 10 months ago
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and I begin to bloom like a lotus flower once again the Agust D trilogy
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puppppppppy · 1 year ago
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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kaurwreck · 4 months ago
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y'all stop saying fyodor has never looked so sincerely angry before. he has.
I know this because, and this is not an exaggeration, the vast majority of my manga revisits are to enjoy his expressions of anger, disdain, and malcontent. i shit you not, several of my bsd meta posts wholly unrelated to fyodor were written because I happened to notice something else while flipping through to imbibe fedya's hissy fits. I don't reread the manga when I do this, just those scenes, unless something else catches my attention.
anyway, stop disrespecting my beloved pastime.
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tunaricebowl · 1 year ago
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finally got my pics back from the lil shoot i did at the japanese gardens earlier this month c: i honestly didnt know what other pose to do but other than that i think these look super cool! it’s my very first cosplay as well so i’m still figuring out how to be photographed and stuff
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aka-indulgence · 8 months ago
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Tell us about "chapter 9" 👀
Heheheh it’s not really that mysterious but!! I’m emotionally invested anyway!!! I love this fic with all my heart
——
Your eyes were lidded. You were looking his way, but it didn’t look like you were looking at him. You looked like you were somewhere else. Did you even notice him?
There were tears in your eyes. You didn’t react to them.
The voices faded into silence. He approached you slowly.
“hey… sunlight.” He whispered. His voice was sweet, soft. Like approaching a butterfly that landed on your windowsill, making sure not to make any loud noises that might startle it.
His glitches faded away.
“it’s ok, you’re ok.” He reassured you.
He wasn’t sure if you were listening to him, but you calmed down.
“... you should go back to sleep, ok?”
You blinked slowly, sniffled, and rubbed your eyes. Maybe your subconscious understood him, because you turned back and closed the door with a click.
A sense of want filled his ribcage.
“... i love you,” He murmured. “one day, you’ll hear me.”
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weirdmageddon · 2 years ago
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HER RIGHT ARM IS LITERALLT ON HIS HEART IT’S ACTUALLY SICK. NOT A BIT OF AIR BETWEEN THEM
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kacievvbbbb · 5 months ago
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I’ve been rereading this lovely fic by @erinyra (it’s great I seriously recommend) and I’ve been doing some thinking and I do think Mihawk should get sick and it could be just like a passing illness or bug but something that lays him out for a bit and while yes I think a sick Mihawk would be adorable and terrifying and I love that for me.
I also think it’d be a way for Shanks to confront his probably latent issues with illness and seemingly untouchable people. After all his captain was as untouchable as they come, literally king of the pirates, but he still got sick and that ruined Shanks life. And here it is happening all over again. Mihawk probably the strongest most unflappable person he knows is sick with some unknown disease (not really his anxiety riddled mind just can’t process what Hongo is saying) And Shanks is not handling it…..well.
Shanks can withstand many things; any manner of injury or bodily harm to him and his loved ones that’s fine they can walk it off. but illness? he does not fuck with illness…
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anotherbummer · 3 months ago
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I loved “Im not sorry for loving you” because guess what bitch I’ve been there too and I’m not a bad person for relating to this song
Please stop hating on a character/song that people worked hard to create just because it doesn’t match your perspective of the character
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tea-time-terrier · 1 year ago
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This creature has been smooched on her face and stuffed full of snacks <3
We qualified each rally obedience run (despite large areas requiring handler improvement <3) and finished the weekend with a 97, 84, and 97. This baby dog now has her Rally Advanced title!
(All rosettes were default as we were the only ones in our class.)
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quadrantadvisor · 4 months ago
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Sometimes I still think about The Owl House Gang all trying to watch ATLA together but then Zuko's backstory in The Storm retraumatizes Hunter so bad they have to stop
#luz is too young to have grown up with the show she just heard it was good#SHE DIDN'T KNOW GUYS#they all get super into it and the gaang and maybe even make some jokes about how Zuko reminds them of Hunter#and then suddenly it is Not Funny Anymore#they just straight up stop watching it because it was So Bad#and then months later Hunter is like '....... i really want to know where that show goes'#so they pick it up again#everytime Zuko makes a bad life decision Hunter is just dying inside#'your dad DOES NOT LOVE YOU YOU CAN DO BETTER'#season 2 is such an emotional rollercoaster#like zuko is figuring stuff out and seems like he's gonna redeem himself and everyone is getting so hype#because at this point they NEED to see this character get a happy ending because they have been throufh WAY TOO MUCH over him#and then in the season finale he regresses#the BETRAYAL#they are like wailing and rending their clothes like dudes in the bible#hunter just sitting there with his head in his hands#season 3 storyline with zuko at the fire palace is also massively triggering for him but he's being so normal about it#the rest of the squad on the copium like 'he can still turn this around guys'#secretly several of them have given up on him at this point but they can't admit that there's too much riding on this#and then zuko DOES IT but the scene is so tense that no one even feels like they can celebrate because they're all projecting way too hard#and then zuko redirects the lightning and they're like 'FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!'#there is much crying at the finale#luz and amity kin assigned eachother as aang and katara so they're really happy when they get together#hunter like 'mostly this is making me glad I didn't have to become the political leader of The Boiling Isles as a traumatized 16 year old'#'can you imagine'#these tags were not supposed to be this long lmao#toh#atla#avatar#my rambles
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spr1ng · 3 months ago
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
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maschotch · 11 days ago
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"conservative mean girl in high school 10 years later" literally jj. I do not understand how people walk away with the impression that she's the "sweet one" of the group... if you pay even a little bit of attention to her words or actions. she's like. one of the meanest ones imo.
also to be fair about ignoring some of the shitty parts of the other characters/chalking it up to bad writing is that genuinely sometimes they'll just write the most inconsistent/out of character shit just for the part it plays to the plot. but with jj, yeah, there's bad writing, but one of her most consistent character traits is STILL mean girl and abilism. saying all of those moments are bad writing really leaves you with nothing with her sghdjgkhkh
was watching through season 7 (and some of 8) and like. I already know about the Unbearable Mother personality but. like I was really noticing how bad it was for that season. one of the only things she contributes to the profile is "maternal instinct" "maybe this is about a child" "what if they're trying to start a family" type shit... none of them are above saying dumb shit like this but it's specifically that they really concentrated it into her agdhfjkgkh
(also yes big fan of your JJ Takes™️ it may not make her more likable but it does make her actually interesting)
she’s canonically the mean girl of the group.
the writing inconsistencies always suck, but they consistently write her to be overly judgmental and belittling of others. what is left to enjoy???
for some cm characters, i honestly just ignore aspects of their character i dont like. even with my dislike of jj, i can recognize that all the “im a mom” shit is just sexist writing. it annoys the shit out of me, but i cant hold it against her
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