#so at least something is on the mend
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witchering10123 · 1 year ago
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Hakoda & Sokka (Avatar), Bato & Sokka (Avatar), Aang & Bato (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), The Gaang & Sokka (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Bato/Hakoda (Avatar) Characters: Sokka (Avatar), Hakoda (Avatar), Bato (Avatar), Katara (Avatar), Aang (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar), Azula (Avatar) Additional Tags: in the relationship section, azula is included in the gaang, just FYI, Hurt Sokka (Avatar), Hurt Hakoda (Avatar), i have been doing the lord's work for 31 days, and that is still not a tag, not impressed ao3, Minor Character Death, multiple - Freeform, Stabbing, Lots of Stabbing, get ready, Blood and Violence, Crying, Insecure Aang, the poor boy, ah well can't be helped, Whumptober 2023, Day Thirty-One: Crying (Whumptober 2023) Series: Part 31 of a witchering's whumptober 2023 Summary:
Sokka can't recognise his voice, but it might be a good thing. "Don't offer them any mercy," he says. "They never showed us any." There's a morbid silence. "...Aang, wait here with Sokka and Bato."
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Will they make it in time?
Day Thirty-One: Crying - I'll admit it, you should probably read the others first before you read the finale
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elodieunderglass · 2 years ago
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bookshelf-in-progress · 5 months ago
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Maybe the truth at the heart of Shadowstruck is the importance of family. Because the most compelling stories in this universe are about what happens when you tell parents that some of their children have no right to their love, care, and protection. It destroys what should be the strongest and most natural bonds of love, and that simple horrible thing leads to all the complicated problems in their oppressive society.
#adventures in writing#shadowstruck#got to thinking about this yesterday while reading something talking about the family's importance to society#maybe something about how a child is under a family's loving care until they can take care of themself#and it made me think about how both of the main story ideas that have sprung from this universe#are about someone who suffers when a father deems them unworthy of love#and that got me thinking about how 'uncle tom's cabin' turned people against slavery#largely because victorians valued the family and the book showed how slavery tore families apart#so maybe i should read 'uncle tom's cabin' just as background#but anyway if i decide to do something with the original version of 'shadowstruck'#the compelling thing is not whatever political intrigue was going to happen (which I never defined)#but the possibility that rinna would cross paths with the family that sold her into slavery#meet the younger sister who was given her name#literally her replacement#meet the father who made the decision not to kill her#but also sold her away from the house to avoid the shame that would have come#from people recognizing her as his child#i can't decide if he'd meet her in a slavery context#and have to live with seeing the life he condemned her to#or if she'd be involved with activists at this point#in a position of at least some level of freedom and safety#and he would see her as a woman with thoughts and feelings#(who looks so much like her mother)#and on some level recognize that he did a horrible thing to her#but how do you begin to go about apologizing or helping her#or in any way mending this horrible unforgivable thing that tore you apart?#the trouble about this universe (like so many of my other ones)#is that there's the potential for so many little stories and characters#that don't necessarily want to resolve themselves into full coherent novels#it gives me so many thoughts that it's hard to settle on a complete story
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mycomori · 5 months ago
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every time i think things have gotten a little better they just get even worse and this is why i can’t stay fucking sober because everything sucks all the time endlessly and how in the FUCK am i supposed to not wanna drink about it and of course ive got other coping mechanisms but ive lost so so so many over the years either by recovering from something like ed or self harm (kinda) or not being able to look at things that used to mean the world to me without a painful aftertaste and im tired dude. i’m fucking tired of loosing all my friends and my supports and everything i had to cope. and it’s not really that i ever lost the friends, it’s that none of them are okay w each other and only okay w me and i can’t even mention my best friends in front of my other best friends without second guessing mentioning their name and how it will make the vibe and i just. i didn’t have anything to do with ANY of this. all these conflicts happened outside of me and only involved me because it’s between two people o love. but i guess it wouldn’t be the first time this shit happened to me, or the second ,or the third, or th
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schadenfreudich · 1 year ago
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guy who sees an insect, stares at it like he has never seen and makes himself look bigger as if he's preparing to fight it
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julietsf1 · 25 days ago
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Strawberry Season - Lando Norris x Reader
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summary: she was his plus-one, his accessory, his afterthought. but Lando Norris? he made her laugh before her boyfriend even noticed she’d stopped smiling (6.7k words)
content: sad/comfort, slow burn, he falls first, stuck in bad relationship (non-graphic), mutual pining, mention of fish!
AN: I was having a nostalgic day and suddenly I remembered Shawn Mendes exists. listened to Treat You Better and now boom this was made. big kiss to you all!! don't forget you deserve someone who makes you smile <3
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The Hôtel Hermitage had a way of dressing the evening in silk and scent—amber light dancing off champagne flutes, velvet murmurs weaving between notes of string quartets, the faint hush of the sea just beyond the terrace.
You arrived on your boyfriend's arm, perfectly polished, smelling faintly of oud and confidence. Your gown—a midnight blue silk with delicate beading at the shoulders—glistened like the reflection of stars on still water. He, in a tuxedo he hadn’t even ironed himself, gave you a cursory once-over, the kind usually reserved for window displays or weather forecasts.
"You clean up well. When you try," he remarked, the words soaked in backhanded charm and just enough volume to make the sommelier glance over with subtle disapproval. "Didn’t expect that dress to actually work on you."
Then he kissed your temple like one might stamp a document—detached, obligatory—and peeled off toward a group of men with hedge funds and zero personalities, tossing the comment like a grenade dipped in cologne. He chuckled at his own wit before they even reacted, already anticipating the hollow laughter of men who mistook cruelty for charisma.
You blinked once, twice, then turned on your heel and made for the bar.
"One strawberry martini, please," you said to the bartender, your voice calm and glossy, though your chest felt like it was holding its breath. The bartender gave a subtle nod and began working in quiet sympathy.
You leaned your elbow on the marble and exhaled. Your reflection in the mirrored back wall looked elegant and mildly amused. That, at least, you could live with.
"Your boyfriend’s tux looks like it’s been through customs, dry-cleaned with a rock, and ironed with a shoe."
You turned. The man beside you held a glass of something expensive and looked far too pleased with himself. He was, annoyingly, the kind of handsome that didn’t need to try. Hair—perfectly careless. Smile—dangerously self-aware. The overall vibe? Trouble, tailored in what I assume is Tom Ford.
You laughed, sharp and immediate. "Do you know I spent half the afternoon trying to convince him to iron that shirt? Offered him a steamer. He looked personally victimized by the concept of chores. Hopeless."
He looked delighted. "So this was a collaborative failure. Now I feel bad for mocking it. Sort of."
"Don’t. I made one polite suggestion and he acted like I’d insulted his entire lineage. I refuse to be held responsible for his fashion choices," you said, the corners of your mouth finally giving in to a smile. The knot in your chest loosened just a little—this was the most fun you’d had all evening.
"I can’t tie my own ties," he offered casually. "So really, who am I to talk?"
"What do you do, then? Just let your girlfriend do it for you?"
"No girlfriend, just clip-ons. Or my mate George. He’s so posh he probably learned to tie a bow tie before he could tie his own shoes."
You laughed again, lighter this time. The sound surprised you with how easy it felt.
"Well," you said, "I can't even walk in my So Kates for an hour, so I’m in no position to judge anyone tonight."
His eyebrows lifted like you'd said you walked here barefoot. "That’s borderline inhumane. Those are incredibly uncomfortable, right?"
"Horrible," you admitted, sipping your drink. "But the real perk is that I now have a perfectly valid excuse to leave this party in about thirty minutes."
He tapped his glass against yours. "To noble suffering."
"And men who can’t tie ties."
"Ouch. That was personal."
You grinned, the martini smoothing out something tight in your chest. The conversation rolled along like it had always been waiting for an excuse to begin.
"Lando," he said suddenly, extending a hand.
"Nice to meet you, Lando," you replied, taking it, your grip easy, your smile laced with light amusement.
You tilted your head slightly. "I think I recognise you—from the racing, right?"
His brow quirked, caught somewhere between pleased and intrigued. "Guilty."
You sipped your drink, eyes glinting. "Well, it’s easy to remember a face like that."
"In the positive way?"
You rolled your eyes at him. "Please."
His posture straightened just a touch. The smirk didn’t leave his face, but something about it softened at the edges.
"I’ll try not to let that go to my head," he said, a beat late, his voice just a little warmer, his eyes twinkling amused. 
"You already did."
"Unfair. That was disarming. You’re very good at this."
"At what?" you said, feigning innocence.
"Catching me off guard in a way that’s... annoyingly effective."
"I have a talent," you said, sipping your drink.
"You do," he replied, gaze lingering just a second too long before he added, "and you’re very distracting."
You arched a brow. "Good distracting or 'tripped-over-my-own-feet' distracting?"
"Bit of both. Still deciding."
You laughed, shaking your head, the edge of your smile refusing to leave.
And just like that, the night took on a different hue. The room still sparkled, but its edges softened. You talked about Monaco in winter, about awful hotel carpets, about how Lando once tried to cook pasta in a kettle. There were no pauses, no polite silences. It was ridiculous and lovely and utterly unserious.
At some point, your boyfriend reappeared in the distance, laughing too loudly with someone whose blazer had dragons embroidered on the sleeves.
Lando clocked it instantly. "Should I spill something on him? Not on purpose, obviously. But also maybe very much on purpose."
"Tempting," you said.
He set his glass down. "But we’re too elegant for that."
"Allegedly."
The music swelled, a slow turn from something glittering into something that signaled the end of the night.
You sighed and glanced at the crowd. "I should go find him."
Lando leaned against the bar with a smirk. "Are you sure? He gives off strong 'brings up his net worth in casual conversation' energy."
You smirked. "You’re terrible."
"But right."
"No comment."
As you walked away, he called after you, "Next time, I’m bringing backup shoes for you."
You didn’t turn. But your smile stayed with you, long after the violins began their last swell.
The paddock terrace buzzed with the sort of energy only Monaco could host—where money didn’t whisper, it practically shouted through linen suits and Hermès bags, and everything smelled faintly of jet fuel and overpriced champagne.
You arrived on your boyfriend’s arm, your heels clicking softly on the polished concrete, your dress catching the breeze in a way that had drawn more than a few glances already. The adrenaline in the air was contagious. You couldn’t help it—you were excited. This was your home turf, after all. Monaco at its absolute peak.
You leaned over slightly, catching your first glimpse of the pit lane just below the terrace’s glass railing. The sound, the scent, the movement—it all made your heart flicker.
“This is amazing,” you said, more to yourself than to him. “I can actually feel the vibration of the engines from here.”
Your boyfriend barely glanced up from his phone. “Yeah it’s whatever,” he muttered. “Look—those guys in the corner, that’s who I need to speak to. Go entertain yourself, will you?”
You opened your mouth, but he was already off, striding toward a group of Loro Piana-clad finance types who looked like they’d never broken a sweat in their lives. One of them gave you a cursory glance before turning his attention back to whatever new tax loophole they were dissecting.
Left alone, you drifted toward the edge of the terrace, your fingers lightly brushing the glass. You looked in the distance, taking in the beautiful track. The air that smelled like tyre smoke. Somewhere, a commentator’s voice crackled through loudspeakers.
Then you heard it—cutting through the din like it was aimed just for you.
“Hey, Strawberry!”
You blinked, turned your head.
Down in the pit lane, Lando was looking directly at you, leaning casually against the garage barrier with his helmet tucked under one arm and a grin that bordered on criminal. “Good to see you again!” he called up, already looking far too pleased with himself.
Your smile widened despite yourself.
He pointed upward, voice still carrying. “What? You thought I’d forget your cocktail of choice? Strawberry martini, wasn’t it?”
You couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of you. A few heads turned to see who he was yelling at. You gave a little wave, pretending not to enjoy the attention.
"Fancy seeing you here."
“You look bored up there!” he shouted, cupping a hand around his mouth for dramatic flair. “Wanna come down and see where the fun actually happens?”
You raised an eyebrow, half amused, half intrigued.
He motioned toward the stairs behind you. “Come on, Strawberry. I’ll even let you wear the team radio.”
You glanced back toward the terrace. Your boyfriend was still deep in conversation, probably pitching himself like a startup, laughing with one hand in his pocket and the other balancing a drink he hadn’t even offered you.
So, you turned back to Lando—who was now dramatically miming putting on headphones like he was in a music video—and tilted your head like you were still considering it.
"Alright then," you called down. "But if I trip in these heels, I’m blaming you."
"I'll catch you," he yelled back, utterly unfazed. “Or I’ll sue the FIA for putting stairs in a paddock. Either way—worth it.”
You made your way down the metal staircase, the heels clicking like castanets, and by the time you reached the bottom, Lando was already holding out a pair of headphones and an access bracelet with a kind of smug reverence.
“For you, madame,” he said, bowing slightly. “Your official ticket to the chaos.”
You put on the bracelet with a smile, already feeling a little lighter.
“For the record,” he said, holding out the headset, “I don’t offer these to just anyone.”
You took them. “Oh, so I’m special.”
“Undoubtedly.”
You slipped the headphones on as he stepped back, hands in the pockets of his race suit, clearly satisfied.
“Let me guess,” you said, voice a little louder now with the headset in place, “you do this for all the guests who look mildly unimpressed by the view upstairs?”
“No,” he said, eyes twinkling. “Just the ones I secretly hope stick around.”
You gave him a look—curious, not skeptical—and he added quickly, “Because you’ve got good race-watching energy. Very calm. Slightly elegant. Makes the garage look better.”
“Right,” you said, clearly amused. “You just want me to make you look cool.”
“Impossible task,” he admitted with a grin. “But I admire your optimism.”
The garage buzzed around you—technicians moving with purpose, radios crackling, tyres getting shuffled like oversized poker chips. And yet, somehow, everything in your little corner felt... light.
“Not gonna lie,” he murmured, lowering his voice, “I like stealing a few quiet minutes when I can.”
You nodded. “Yeah. It’s a lot during weekends like this I can imagine.”
He glanced at you, thoughtful for a moment, like he wanted to ask something but decided against it. Then his expression shifted back to its usual mischief.
“Want to see something fun?”
You blinked. “Fun in a normal person way, or in a ‘you drive 300km/h for fun’ way?”
“Both,” he said, tilting his head toward the car in the middle of the garage—sleek, low, and absolutely radiating menace. “Come on. Get in. You’ve earned it.”
You blinked. “Earned it how?”
“For surviving the upstairs crowd without launching yourself off the terrace,” he said, already grinning. “Also, I feel like you'd suit it.”
You narrowed your eyes. “You just want to see me try to climb into that thing in a dress.”
“Maybe,” he shrugged, unapologetic. “But I’ll make it look like I’m being a gentleman helping you in. Good for my PR.”
You laughed but still let him offer his hand. His grip was steady, warm, guiding you in with an ease that made the whole moment feel weirdly... natural.
Inside, the cockpit felt surreal—like slipping into another universe. Tight, sharp, oddly comfortable in a way that made you sit up straighter.
You looked up at him. “I feel like I need clearance from air traffic control.”
Lando smirked. “You look good in it.”
You raised a brow. “Is this part of your usual garage tour?” He grinned. “Only the deluxe version. Very limited availability.” 
“Mm-hmm.”
He crouched beside the car, arms resting on the edge, expression suddenly playful. “Alright—race start. Lights out. Whole world watching. What’s your move?”
You pretended to think. “Adjust my lip gloss. Then floor it.”
He burst out laughing. “Unreal. No notes.”
You smiled, settling back slightly in the seat, the hum of the garage around you fading into a softer kind of focus. His eyes lingered on you just a second longer than necessary, making you feel a bit warmer than you would’ve liked to admit. 
“Okay,” you said eventually. “I like your version of fun.”
“Told you.”
Just then, you heard your name.
Lando glanced up behind you, his smile dimming just slightly.
You followed his gaze.
There, at the top of the stairs, your boyfriend had finally noticed. Arms folded. Sunglasses pushed down just enough to show a flicker of something more than irritation. 
You shifted slightly in the seat, your back instinctively straightening, your smile thinning.
“I should probably head back,” you murmured, glancing up again. “Before that turns into a thing.”
Lando’s eyes were still on you.
“I don’t know,” he said, voice low and smooth. “I kind of like that I get under his skin.”
You gave him a warning look, but your smile gave you away.
“He’s... not great with this sort of thing.”
Lando leaned one arm casually against the car, just close enough that his shoulder brushed the edge of yours. “What sort of thing? Someone actually talking to you? Enjoying you?”
You swallowed. “He’s just protective.”
“He didn’t look all that interested twenty minutes ago.”
You didn’t respond.
Lando straightened up slightly, his grin flickering into something more assured, less teasing. “You don’t have to explain it. But I’m not sorry for this.”
You looked at him—really looked at him—and for a second, you forgot the tension humming above the pit lane.
You laughed softly. “You’re dangerous.”
“I’ve been called worse,” he said, grinning.
You climbed out carefully—again with his help, though he tried very hard not to smirk when your heel caught slightly on the floor.
“Thanks for inviting me down,” you said, adjusting your dress.
He nodded. “Anytime. Next time you should stay for the race.”
You paused at that, surprised, amused, and... something else. Then you turned, stepping away, the noise of the pit building back around you.
“Bye, Strawberry!” he called after you, voice light and full of sunshine. “Try not to break hearts on your way up!”
The lunch reservation was for 13:00. The cancellation came at 12:52.
“Something came up. Just a quick game at the club. Have to raincheck.”
You stared at the message like it might change if you blinked hard enough. It didn’t. The text sat there on your screen, casual and infuriating, like a shrug in Helvetica.
The maître d’ at the café had already asked if you’d like to be seated twice. You smiled politely, murmured a no thank you, and slipped out before you started feeling more humiliated than hungry.
The sky was unfairly pretty for a bad day—clear and soft, with sunbeams brushing the cobblestones as if Monaco itself had no idea someone had just bailed on you for nine holes and overpriced cigars.
You didn’t want to go home. You weren’t angry, not quite. Just tired in a way that lingered behind your ribs. So, instead, you wandered a few streets over—past a bookstore, a gelato stand, and finally, a small flower shop with wide windows and hydrangeas stacked like frosting.
You paused. Then pushed the door open.
The scent hit you first—green, sweet, almost cold from the water buckets lining the floor. Peonies, roses, lavender, tulips. All in quiet conversation. The florist gave you a gentle bonjour from behind a counter cluttered with ribbon and stems.
You wandered aimlessly. No plan. No occasion. You just needed to feel like something soft could still be held in your hands.
You reached toward a bouquet of pale pink peonies—petals feathered and ruffled, like they were mid-sigh.
“I was hoping you’d go for those.”
You turned—half startled, half already smiling.
Lando was standing in the doorway, sunglasses pushed up into his curls, a grin threatening the corner of his mouth. He was wearing a zip-up and trainers, casually gorgeous in the way some people just are when they’re not trying.
“I was going to say,” he added, stepping further inside, “you look like someone who could use a bouquet.”
“You following me now?”
He shrugged. “Just happened to be across the street. Monaco’s small and you have a way of catching my eye.”
You rolled your eyes, but the corners of your mouth betrayed you.
Lando stepped past you and plucked the peonies from the bucket like he’d been sent here by divine instruction.
“Don’t,” you started, watching as he pulled out his card.
“I insist,” he said smoothly, not even looking back. “They look like you.”
That made you pause. “Soft and overpriced?”
He smirked. “Chic, delicate, vaguely intimidating… but in a very classy way.”
You huffed a laugh and shook your head as he paid, thanked the florist with a grin that probably earned him three free carnations, and handed the bouquet to you like it was an Olympic medal.
“You really didn’t have to—”
“I wanted to.”
You looked down at the flowers, then back at him. “I was just trying to walk off a lunch that didn’t happen.”
“Rough day?”
You nodded once.
He hesitated. Then: “Come on. Let me walk you home. Or somewhere. I’m excellent at distracting people.”
You blinked. “Aren’t you busy?”
“Not even a little.”
You stepped outside together, the late sun catching the edge of your bouquet. He fell into step beside you like it was instinct.
“So,” he said, as you turned the corner, “what car would you never be caught dead in?”
You squinted. “Like… ever?”
“Yes. Immediate judgment. Go.”
You thought. “Anything that looks like it was designed by someone who hates joy. Or a Fiat Multipla.”
“Very specific. I respect it.” He nodded solemnly. “For me, it’s the ones with faces. Like, cartoon villain faces. Headlights that judge you.”
You burst out laughing. “What kind of car trauma are you working through?”
“Deep and unresolved,” he said gravely. “I once had a rental that made me feel like it wanted to eat me. Never again.”
The conversation spiraled from there—into ugly rims, hideous spoilers, the tragedy of beige leather interiors. Every few steps, Lando pointed out a car and gave it a nickname. 
"That one’s definitely a Greg. Greg works in insurance and never tips."
You laughed. Actually laughed. The kind that catches you off guard and warms your ribs a little.
And then—your phone buzzed in your bag.
You glanced down. His name lit up the screen.
Lando noticed the pause.
You looked at the call. Then pressed the side button, letting it disappear. You didn’t say anything about it, and he didn’t ask.
But he smiled. Just slightly.
It was the quietest rebellion you’d made in a while. And it felt... right.
A few minutes later, as you reached your street, you slowed.
“This is me.”
He nodded, eyes flicking up toward the front of your building like he was memorising it for later. Or just being nosy. Hard to say.
“Thanks for—well, for all of that,” you said, lifting the peonies slightly.
“Anytime,” he replied, and you believed him.
You turned to go.
“Oh, and hey,” he called, stepping backwards down the street, that familiar grin slipping into place. “If you ever need help judging more terrible cars…”
You raised an eyebrow, amused.
He pulled something from his pocket and tossed it lightly in your direction. You caught it—his number, scribbled on a business card with Lando (flower expert) scrawled beneath in messy handwriting.
“…now you know where to find me,” he finished.
You looked down at the card, then back up.
“I do now,” you said, smiling—soft, amused, and something else you didn’t want to name yet.
And you didn’t look back until your door had closed behind you—and the peonies were already in water. 
Your birthday started with a buzz—literally, from your phone. Noon. A text.
Happy bday x
No call. No emoji. No punctuation enthusiasm. Just lowercase indifference and a kiss like a formality. Like he'd done his civic duty and could now go about his day in peace.
By the time your boyfriend actually arrived at the party—a whopping two hours late, no explanation—you were already knee-deep in hugs, flowers, Aperol spritzes, and the cake was nearly finished.
The rooftop was busy. Sun-drenched. Monaco glittered in the background like it knew it was part of the aesthetic. Friends mingled, music hummed, someone had started making mimosas in a blender for reasons no one could quite explain.
And then there was Lando.
He’d arrived on time, casually cool in a linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of sunglasses perched in his curls.
You hadn’t expected him to come, not really. But you’d invited him anyway—half as a joke, half because he was one of the only people lately who made things feel lighter. Since the flower shop, you’d been texting—mostly memes, random complaints about ugly cars, and his very intense opinions on croissants. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’d started looking forward to his name lighting up your screen more than you should’ve.
So when he appeared with a cheeky smile and a gift bag in tow, you nearly forgot to keep pretending you weren’t waiting for him.
“Hey, birthday girl,” he said, putting the bag on the gift table. “No refunds or returns.”
You grinned. “Perfect. I was just saying how I wanted to make my own life harder today.”
“Glad to contribute.”
Your boyfriend showed up five minutes later.
No apology, no excuse. Just sunglasses, a glance around, and a distracted kiss on the cheek before he handed you an envelope.
Inside was a gift card. For skincare.
“I figured you’d appreciate this,” he said, loud enough for the people around you to hear. “Don’t want an old lady by my side, yeah?”
Someone laughed awkwardly. You didn’t.
You smiled. Thinly. The kind that feels more like a paper cut than anything resembling joy.
“Thanks,” you said quietly, folding the card and tucking it into your bag.
Lando had seen it. The whole thing. He didn’t say anything at first—just sipped his drink, eyes glinting behind his sunglasses.
A few minutes later, he drifted close, nudged your elbow lightly, and said, “Mind if I borrow the birthday girl for a sec?”
You blinked. “Sure?”
He led you away from the crowd and toward the quieter corner of the terrace, near the railing. The music faded behind you. The breeze picked up, cool against your neck.
“I really wanted to personally give this before I have to leave.”
He pulled something small from his little gift bag.
A Cartier box.
You looked at him, suddenly cautious. “Lando, what—”
“Relax,” he said, grinning. “I didn’t mortgage a yacht or anything.”
He flipped the box open with a little dramatic flair.
Inside: a sleek, elegant watch—timeless and perfectly understated, the metal catching the sunlight just enough to glow. When you looked closer, you spotted it—on the back of the face, engraved in the corner, a tiny strawberry.
You looked back up at him.
He shrugged, hands in his pockets now. “So you know when it’s time to leave,” he said lightly, then winked. “Or when it’s time to stay.”
You laughed, a real one this time, head tipped back just slightly. “You’re ridiculous.”
“I should be offended,” he murmured, carefully fastening the clasp around your wrist. “But you are right.”
“Don’t say anything yet,” he said quickly, holding up a hand. “I have a speech.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes,” He stepped a little closer, enough that you had to tilt your chin just slightly to keep looking at him. “Won’t say it’s well prepared, though.”
You glanced up. “No?”
He shrugged, then looked at you—not performative, just sincere with a glint of trouble behind it. “I figured you already knew. That you’re kind. And bright. And that you maybe make half of Monaco feel slightly boring in comparison.”
Your eyes caught his, something warm pooling between the humour and whatever was quietly rising beneath it.
“But also,” he added, tone shifting back to the familiar grin, “you’ve tolerated me for weeks, so I figured you deserved a prize.”
“Ah,” you said. “So it’s a pity watch.”
“It’s a prestigious pity watch,” he corrected. “There’s a difference.”
“It’s perfect,” you said, fingers brushing over the charm. “Truly.”
A few friends called your name in the distance, but you didn’t move yet.
When you finally hugged him goodbye, it lingered. A second too long. Not enough to make it obvious—but enough that you both noticed.
Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, his hand pressed lightly against your back, and neither of you made a joke this time.
And that’s when it hit you. That soft, uncomfortable, quiet truth slowly creeping up on you.
You didn’t want to go back to the party.
You didn’t want to go back to him.
You just wanted to stay in that warm, safe, ridiculous moment a little longer.
It had been one of those dinners where the wine flowed more freely than the conversation, where the seating was all wrong, and the playlist too curated to feel spontaneous. You’d arrived on time, makeup set, dress clinging just right, genuinely hoping the night might turn things around.
He had promised he’d come.
You’d waited. You made polite conversation with strangers. You checked your phone under the table every ten minutes. At 10:14pm, a message finally came.
Running late. Take a cab? x
You stared at it. The ‘x’ annoyed you most—like it could soften the blow. Like it meant anything at this point.
You slipped out quietly, offering the host a graceful excuse. No one really noticed. You walked down the hill alone, heels clicking against wet stone. The rain started halfway to the road—first soft, then persistent, warm but unrelenting.
By the time you reached the corner, you were soaked. Your jacket was thin and decorative. Your hair clung to your cheeks. A cab passed. You raised your hand too late. Another didn’t even slow.
Then headlights curved around the bend.
A sleek black car eased up to the curb, quiet and smug.
The window rolled down.
“Need a ride, Cinderella?”
Lando.
You blinked at him through the rain.
He was in a hoodie, hair damp, wearing Nike slides like he’d rolled straight out of a student flat. His smile was all teeth and trouble, curls damp at the edges, and yet he looked exactly like what you didn’t know you needed.
You exhaled through a laugh. “What are you even doing here?”
“Padel,” he said simply, “with the boys. Charles insisted we needed some cardio. Alex brought protein shakes. It was big.”
You didn’t move.
He nudged the door open from the inside. “Get in. You look like a drenched sad poodle.”
You slid into the passenger seat, wet fabric against warm leather. The door thunked shut, muting the storm instantly.
The cabin smelled faintly of eucalyptus and sweat and jasmine air freshener. It was... comforting.
Lando glanced over. “You alright?”
You nodded, even though the answer was somewhere closer to no.
“Why were you walking?” he asked.
You stared out the window. “My ride bailed on me.”
He didn’t reply right away. Just gripped the wheel a little tighter.
Then, quieter: “Right.”
You could feel the temperature drop half a degree in the silence that followed.
He turned onto a quieter road, headlights sweeping over puddles, rain tapping steadily on the roof.
Then he cleared his throat. “Padel really roughed us all up today.”
You blinked. “Aren’t you professional athletes?”
“Oh, yeah. You’d think we’re all coordinated and elite and whatever,” he waved vaguely with one hand, “but I’ve never seen grown men lose their dignity faster than when we play anything outside of racing.”
You laughed softly. “You’re telling me Charles Leclerc isn’t good at everything?”
“God, no,” Lando said, perking up. “Charles is awful at most sports. He insists though he could’ve been a pro footballer. Brings it up every time he can.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Wait, seriously?”
“Dead serious,” Lando grinned. “He once missed three serves in a row at padel, slammed the racket down, and said, ‘It’s because my reflexes are trained for football.’”
You snorted. “He did not.”
“And then there’s George,” Lando said. “Who, by the way, calls padel ‘cheap tennis for the common folks’ but still never declines an invitation.”
You laughed. “I assume this is the same George that helps you tie your bows?”
“Absolutely.” Lando continued, “And then there is Alex who has the coordination of a baby giraffe. He runs like he’s buffering.”
You were laughing now, fully, warmth curling in your chest.
“So what about you?” you asked, glancing sideways. “How much do you suck?”
“I’d like to think I’m one of the better ones in the group,” he said confidently.
You narrowed your eyes. “That’s definitely not true.”
“I’m amazing at everything, especially other sports.”
“Oh?”
“I’m a god at golf,” he added, eyes twinkling. “Elite. Practically unbeatable. Some say Tiger Woods retired just to avoid me.”
“Some say?”
“Me. Just me. But I say it with conviction.”
You grinned, resting your head against the seat, the storm outside softening under the steady purr of the engine.
“You’re good at this,” you said after a pause.
“At what?”
“Distractions.”
He smiled, but didn’t answer.
A few minutes passed like that—quiet, easy, the kind of silence that felt earned. The kind you didn’t want to break.
Then Lando turned off the main road.
You lifted your head. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” he said, flashing you a quick glance. “Don’t worry, I’m not kidnapping you. Yet.”
“That’s reassuring.”
Two turns later, he parked in front of a small café tucked between shuttered boutiques. Soft orange light glowed from the windows. The sign above the door read Clémentine in fading script.
“I need hot chocolate,” he said. “And you, tragically, look like you do too.”
You laughed. “This your secret spot?”
He grinned. “Sort of. George’s girlfriend loves this place. Alex’s girl says it feels like a Wes Anderson film. Charles’s thinks they do the best croissants in Europe—which is wrong, but she’s charming so we let it slide.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Ah. So this is… an exclusive tier”
He gave a small, lopsided grin. “Yeah. You’d fit right in.”
You blinked, heat creeping up the back of your neck.
He looked over the roof of the car and winked. “Let’s go, Strawberry.”
Inside, the café was quiet and warm, the kind of place that smells like something’s always in the oven. The barista gave Lando a knowing nod.
“Deux chocolats chauds, extra cream, and an extra cookie, please,” he said as you slid into a corner table.
Your dress was still damp at the edges, and your heels had started to pinch, but the chair was soft and the lighting was kind. 
You watched him as he pulled off his hoodie—without a word—he held it out to you across the table.
“You’re shivering,” he said simply.
You hesitated, then slipped it on. It was warm, oversized, and smelled faintly like him—cologne, laundry detergent, and something like orange peel. It pooled around your wrists like it belonged there.
He dropped into the seat across from you, in a plain white t-shirt slightly creased and still damp at the collar. He looked maddeningly effortless. 
When the drinks arrived, he handed yours over carefully, fingers brushing yours as he passed the mug.
“I think you forget how extraordinary you are sometimes,” he said.
No grin. No teasing glint in his eye. Just sincerity, like it had been sitting quietly on his tongue for a while, waiting for the right moment.
You looked at him.
And for a heartbeat too long, the world went still.
Then, gently, you lowered your gaze, your hands tightening around the warmth of the mug. You didn’t reply. You didn’t need to.
Something softened in your chest. Something that hadn’t for weeks.
The invitation had come via text, in true Lando fashion.
Hiya there’s this art auction Friday. Charles’s girlfriend’s hosting. Could be fun. Come with? Low pressure, high snacks.
You hadn’t even known Lando liked art, let alone attended charity auctions hosted by the Monaco elite, but the message made you smile. You’d read it twice. Maybe three times.
He followed up, minutes later:
Bring your boyfriend, if he won’t spontaneously combust in a room without talking about stocks.
That was how you ended up on the guest list for a night you weren’t supposed to remember as the one where everything finally snapped.
You didn’t know Alexandra—not really. You’d seen her tagged in posts with Charles, always in Dior or vintage Alaïa, always looking like she’d been drawn rather than born. But the invite felt personal in a way you couldn’t explain. Like Lando had meant for you to have something nice.
You showed up with your boyfriend.
He was already half-distracted before you arrived, scrolling his phone as the car pulled up outside the villa, barely glancing at the curated sculpture garden or the warm lighting glowing out from the glass facade.
“Art shows, what a waste of time and money,” he said, adjusting his watch, not even pretending to be excited about going with you. “Hope I can do some decent networking, make something of my night at least.”
As expected, he made a beeline for the restroom the moment you stepped inside. You hated how much relief washed over you—but deep down, you just didn’t want his sulking to cloud your first impression.
But then—you spotted Lando.
He was standing near the champagne tower, wearing a charcoal jacket with the sleeves half-rolled and a grin like he’d been waiting for you.
He caught your eye and made a show of pretending to squint. “Strawberry?” he said dramatically as you approached. “Wow. Look at you, pretending not to know me in front of the important people.”
You rolled your eyes. “I was hoping you’d stay over there a little longer.”
“That’s fair,” he nodded solemnly. “But then I wouldn’t get to tell you how unreasonably hot you look.”
You gave him a dry smile. “You’re terrible at compliments.”
“And yet, somehow, you keep showing up.”
Just then, a lilting voice cut in—velvety, amused.
“Is this the infamous Strawberry?”
You turned.
She was every bit the Monaco fantasy: Alexandra, in vintage Saint Laurent, hair pinned like a Vogue spread, a glass of champagne in one hand and the quiet confidence of someone who knew every art dealer in the room—and their secrets. And yet, the way she looked at you felt nothing but warm.
“I’ve heard things,” she said, leaning in for a kiss on each cheek. “Mostly from this one, who dramatically insists he doesn’t talk about you, and then does. A lot.”
You laughed, surprised. “Doesn’t sound like him at all.”
Lando raised his eyebrows in mock betrayal. “Unbelievable slander in my own presence.”
Alexandra gave you an approving once-over, eyes twinkling. “You look incredible, by the way. Please tell me you’re staying for the cocktails after. We have a pianist who’ll play Taylor Swift if you bribe him with compliments or €20.”
“That might be the most compelling reason I’ve ever been given to stay at a party,” you said, grinning.
Alexandra gave you a grin from ear to ear, amused. “I’m really so happy to finally meet you! I can already tell we are going to be great friends! You should meet my dog.”
You smiled. “Oh my god! I would love to!”
“Already regretting introducing you two,” Lando said. “Feels like I’m third wheeling.”
“That’s your own fault, Norris,” Alexandra said, sipping her champagne. “You have been hyping her up for weeks, of course I’m excited.”
You looked at him. “Oh really?”
Lando didn’t even blink. “All good things. Mostly.”
Alexandra raised her eyebrows at you. “He actually tried to be subtle about it. It was cute.”
You bit back a smile. “I can imagine.”
“I’ll come find you later,” Alexandra added, brushing your arm. “Got to make sure Charles hasn’t lost Leo yet. So nice to meet you, lovely!”
She slipped off into the crowd with the grace of someone born to host art auctions and mild chaos.
“She’s my new favourite person,” you said.
“I’m going to pretend that doesn’t hurt,” Lando said. “But only because you look stupidly good tonight.”
He sipped his champagne, eyes back on the crowd like he hadn’t just said something that made your pulse tick strangely in your wrist.
You didn’t respond. You couldn’t think of anything clever fast enough.
But the flush in your cheeks said enough.
You gave him a side glance.
Laughter drifted lightly through the space, more polite than genuine, the kind of sound bred in auction houses and villas with good acoustics. You let yourself drift for a while, away from the main crush of guests and the low buzz of clinking flutes and unsolicited business pitches.
Lando had disappeared into a conversation across the room—arms folded, half-listening, already looking for an escape route. You wandered along the perimeter, letting your eyes pass over sculpture and canvas, nothing really sticking—until something did.
A Monet.
Not loud. Not the centrepiece of the evening. Just tucked off to the side, quietly luminous. The colour was soft, the light dreamlike, and it hit you all at once—how rare it was to stand still in front of something that didn’t need to impress anyone to be worth something.
You didn’t smile, but you didn’t move either.
And then, out of nowhere, a voice landed at your side.
“You’re not seriously getting emotional over that, are you?”
You blinked once.
Your boyfriend had materialised beside you, the corner of his mouth turned up in that smug, half-bored way he always wore at events that weren’t about him.
“It’s just some smudged garden scene,” he added, barely sparing it a glance. “Looks like the guy couldn’t be bothered to finish it.”
You said nothing.
He chuckled, nudging your elbow like he was letting you in on a joke. “Honestly, my niece brought home something just like this last week—finger paints, but same idea.”
You turned toward him.
And for once, your voice didn’t waiver. “Do you ever get tired?”
He raised a brow. “Of what?”
“Of being so obnoxious.”
He blinked, caught off guard. “I was joking—”
“I know you were not. You just have to be an asshole all the time,” you said, stepping back. “I’m so done with this.”
You handed him your untouched champagne without looking at him again.
And then you walked.
Not fast. Not dramatic. Just… forward. Certain.
Across the room, Lando caught sight of you. He paused mid-sentence, head tilting ever so slightly, eyes following the clean line of your exit. He didn’t know what had happened. But he knew enough.
And he didn’t see the man behind you calling your name, confusion creeping into frustration, his voice rising in your wake.
The days following the gala blurred into a haze of solitude. You hadn't anticipated the weight of ending a relationship that had, for too long, been a source of discomfort rather than joy. Even though it felt like a relief to be free, the fresh perspective you had now gained made looking back on the relationship seemingly harder, being disappointed in yourself for sticking around so long.The walls of your apartment seemed to close in, each corner echoing with memories you'd rather forget.
Then, an unexpected message illuminated your phone screen. It was from Alexandra.
Hii! I know we've only met once, Charles is hosting a yacht party this weekend. I'd love for you to come. It'll be fun, and I think you could use a night out. What do you say?
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. Alexandra's warmth was palpable, even through text. The idea of attending a lavish yacht party was daunting, especially solo, but the prospect of genuine company was tempting. Before you could overthink it, you quickly responded you’d be there.
The evening of the party arrived with a golden sunset casting its glow over Monaco's harbor. As you approached the yacht, its grandeur was undeniable. Laughter and the clinking of glasses floated through the air, mingling with the soft strains of music. Taking a deep breath, you stepped aboard, the gentle sway beneath your feet reminding you of the fluidity of the moment.
You hadn’t arrived with a dramatic entrance, but you may as well have. There was something in the way you carried yourself—unhurried, unbothered, glowing without trying—that turned heads. The white sundress moved like water around your legs. Your hair was soft, undone. You looked like summer had chosen you personally.
"Hey! You made it!" Alexandra's voice rang out, genuine delight evident as she approached, her embrace warm and reassuring.
She beamed the moment she saw you. “You look like revenge dressed in satin. Come ruin someone's night—in a good way.”
"Thank you! I’m so excited!" you replied, grateful for her presence.
She linked her arm with yours, guiding you through the throng. "Come on, let's get you a drink and introduce you to some people."
So you mingled.
You laughed. You listened. You accepted compliments with a smile that didn’t flicker with doubt this time. The isolation of the past few days had left you sharper, oddly steadier. You hadn’t expected to feel so… grounded. You were alone, technically. But not lonely.
And then—across the deck—you felt it.
Someone watching.
You didn’t need to look to know who it was.
But you did anyway.
Lando stood near the upper rail, half-leaning into conversation with Charles and George, drink in hand, curls damp like he’d only recently dried off. His shirt was unbuttoned just enough to be suggestive without meaning to be, and he was laughing at something George was saying—until he saw you.
Then he stopped laughing.
His eyes softened. Lit up. Like you’d just stepped out of a dream he wasn’t finished having.
He didn't move immediately. Just watched. And when you finally gave him a smile—small, knowing—he excused himself, barely disguising it.
You turned back to your conversation, heart thudding quietly.
When he reached you, it was casual. Or it would’ve been, if not for the very specific way he looked at you. As if seeing you tonight had knocked the wind out of him slightly.
“Enjoying yourself?” he asked, voice easy, but with that familiar edge of amusement.
You tilted your head. “Trying my best. Alexandra told me to come ruin someone’s night tonight.”
Lando’s gaze swept over you, amused. “I’ve got a pretty good candidate.”
You met his look head-on. “You volunteering?”
“I’m begging.”
You took a step closer, just enough. “Careful. I take those kinds of requests seriously.”
His voice dipped. “I was hoping you would.”
You laughed.
He smiled, pleased.
“I was wondering if you’d come,” he said, a little quieter now. “I didn’t want to push.”
“I needed a few days,” you replied honestly. “To unpick a few things.”
Lando nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching like he wanted to say something more, something gentler, but didn’t want to risk it here.
“Want to see the good part of the boat?” he offered instead, gesturing subtly toward the back. “It’s less busy, better view of the sea.”
“Are you offering a tour or an escape plan?”
“Both,” he said. “But this is not my boat so don’t blame me if we get lost mid-tour.”
You smiled, setting your glass down. “Alright. Lead the way.”
He offered his hand this time. Not his arm. His hand. Like it was only natural you’d take it.
And you did.
The further you got from the music and noise, the more the sea became the soundtrack. The laughter and clinking glasses behind you faded into something muted and unimportant. Lando walked beside you—not rushing, not talking. His thumb brushed against yours every few steps, like a quiet question he didn’t need answered yet.
At the stern, it opened up—a wide, quiet deck, low to the water, with just enough light to see but not enough to distract from the stars. The sea lapped gently around the hull. It smelled like salt and sun.
You leaned against the railing, feeling the breeze touch your skin. Lando stood beside you, but not too close.
“Nice out here,” you murmured, looking up.
He glanced over at you. “You suit starlight. That’s unfair.”
You gave him a look. “You’re laying it on thick.”
“Absolutely,” he said, eyes warm. “I’ve been holding back for weeks.”
You laughed, quiet and real. He grinned, pleased.
But then, after a second, he sobered. His gaze drifted down, toward the water, and when he spoke again, his voice had shifted.
“You look happy,” Lando said lightly, almost teasing. “I almost didn’t recognise you without the polite ‘I’m-fine’ smile.”
You huffed a quiet laugh. “Wow. Go ahead and expose me.”
“I’m serious,” he said, this time softer. “It’s good to see you like this.”
You glanced at him, and for a moment, he didn’t try to dodge the feeling in the air. He looked out at the sea and back again.
“I hated seeing you pretend,” he said finally. “These past few months… at the garage, the brunch, the auction—you were always there, but it felt like part of you was somewhere else. You still smiled, still made jokes, still looked beautiful, but…”
He trailed off. Not because he didn’t know what to say. Just because he meant all of it.
You didn’t speak right away.
“You wanted to throw him in the harbour, didn’t you.”
A beat.
“Every single time,” Lando said, with no apology.
That made you laugh again, but quieter this time. Almost sad.
You looked down at the rail, fingers brushing the edge. “I wasn’t really fooling anyone, was I.”
“You fooled plenty,” he said. “Just not me.”
You looked away for a beat. Then quietly, “I haven’t been unhappy around you, though.”
Lando froze.
When you turned your head back, he was watching you like he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard.
“Say that again,” he said, almost joking. Almost.
You smiled, small and real. “You’ve been the exception, Lando. You’ve always felt like... a relief. Like I could let out a breath I never knew I was holding.”
His expression cracked open at the edges—something flickering across it, equal parts surprise and affection.
“I’ve been trying not to say something,” he said eventually, his voice lower now. “But it’s getting... impossible.”
You arched a brow. “To me or to you?”
He looked at you deeply, green eyes soft but with a sparkle. “Me. Definitely me.”
There was a beat of silence, hanging between you like a held breath.
“You just keep making it harder,” he added, almost laughing at himself. “Showing up looking like this. Laughing at my stupid jokes.”
You stared at him. He raised his hands, just slightly.
“I know I joke around a lot,” he said, his voice quieter now. “It’s easy to hide behind that. But I’m not playing with this. I’m not here to push or expect anything you’re not ready for.” He paused, letting the words settle. “I just… I need you to know. I’ve been falling for you since the gala.”
The words didn’t feel rehearsed or dramatic—just honest. And they landed like something you’d been waiting to hear without realising.
You stayed still, listening.
“Since the dress,” he went on, his smile tugging softly at the corner of his mouth. “Since the strawberry drink. Since you made fun of my bow tie.”
You laughed—quiet and barely there. But it was real.
“Since you made me want to stick around,” he added, “even when you were barely looking at me.”
His eyes met yours fully now. “You’re magnetic,” he said, simple as anything. “Warm. Sharp. And really hot even when you look like a drenched puppy.” He exhaled lightly. “And I just… I didn’t want summer to end without you knowing.”
You stepped closer.
Close enough to feel the change in the air, the shift in his breathing.
You placed your hand on his chest, light but certain.
“Lando.”
He didn’t move.
“If I kiss you, is it going to be a problem?”
His answer was immediate, and sure. “No.”
Then, softer. “But only if you want to.”
You looked at him for a long, quiet second.
“I do.”
He exhaled like he’d been holding it since May. Maybe longer.
And then you kissed him.
Slow, at first. Curious. The kind of kiss that asks before it takes. His hand hovered near your waist, the other brushing your jaw with the gentlest touch—as if he still couldn’t believe he was allowed.
But the second your fingers curled into his shirt and your lips parted slightly, that control cracked.
His arm wrapped fully around you then, the kiss deepening with a sudden warmth that made your stomach twist. He kissed you like he’d wanted to for weeks. Like he'd held every grin, every brush of your arm, every stolen look in his chest—and finally let them out all at once.
You felt it in the way his hand slid up your back, in the way his mouth moved with yours like he already knew the rhythm.
When you finally pulled apart, your breath hitched.
His forehead leaned against yours. Neither of you spoke for a moment.
Then you smiled, just a little. “So… did I ruin your night after all?”
Lando let out a low, breathless laugh. “You can ruin my life, for all I care.”
He leaned in again, this time without hesitation.
And then he kissed you—like he had nothing left to hold back. Like the wait had been worth it. Like it had always been leading to this.
It was the kind of Sunday that felt like a soft breeze. The kind where you woke up to Lando already beside you, hair a mess, voice rough with sleep as he offered to make pancakes—and then promptly convinced you to go out for groceries instead. A domestic detour. A small adventure disguised as an errand. Like you had so many of these past weeks with him.
You hadn’t argued. Not really.
Now, somewhere between the mangoes and the melons in your favourite Carrefour, you were watching Lando shake a pineapple like it had personally offended him.
“That’s not how you check if it’s ripe,” you said, barely holding in a laugh.
He looked genuinely betrayed. “It��s not? Then why did that woman on YouTube tell me to do it?”
“You watched a pineapple tutorial?”
“Research is key,” he said, placing it carefully into the cart. “Anyway, I came prepared.”
“You’re such a dork.” You rolled your eyes, smiling. “You pick the snacks, I’ll handle dinner?”
He winked. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Then promptly wandered off to the crisps aisle like a man on a mission.
You lingered in the herb section, still debating parsley versus basil, when a voice behind you slid into your spine like cold water.
“Well. You look good.”
You turned.
He looked the same—your ex. A little too polished, sunglasses indoors, holding a bottle of overpriced green juice that screamed aesthetic punishment.
“Thanks,” you said simply. “I’ve been feeling better.”
It wasn’t petty. Just honest.
He blinked, clearly not expecting honesty.
You were just about to step away when—
“Oh, no. No no no,” Lando groaned from the next aisle, appearing with a look of theatrical dismay. “There’s a full seafood crime scene back there. Half the ocean’s laid out. I’ve never seen so much salmon.”
He stopped short when he saw you. And him.
His entire posture shifted.
He stepped up beside you, one hand sliding effortlessly around your waist, grounding and easy. He didn’t force it. Just filled the space.
“Hi,” Lando said, his tone calm, eyes flicking to the man in front of you. “I’m Lando.”
Your ex gave a tight nod, straightening slightly. “We’ve met.”
Lando’s gaze dipped to the man’s basket—almond milk, snack bars, and two tubs of something suspiciously protein-packed and aggressively vanilla.
“Solid haul,” Lando said, casual. Then, after the smallest pause, “Though I’d go easy on the sugar. Causes hair loss, you know. Wouldn’t want to risk it, considering your current situation.”
He didn’t smile. Just winked. Cheeky enough to pass for humour. Sharp enough to land exactly where it needed to.
Your ex blinked again. Offered no reply. Just turned back toward the juice aisle with the grace of someone trying not to trip over his own ego.
“Lovely to see you,” Lando called politely, already nudging the cart forward—his hand still warm around your waist.
You let him guide you down the aisle, heart flickering with quiet satisfaction.
“Hair loss?” you asked, giggling, once you were out of earshot.
He shrugged, eyes forward, lips twitching. “What? It was observational science.”
“You’re awful.”
“Mm,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to your cheek, then your temple. “But I’m yours.”
You laughed, soft and real, tucking into his side like it was the most natural thing in the world.
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rizzanon · 3 months ago
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06 | ANOTHER SUFFOCATING DAY
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The sharp cool air bit at your cheeks as you walked down the streets of Gotham, the din of the city surrounding you. People rushed past, bundled up and hurried, but you barely noticed. Your thoughts were too loud, replaying the awkward lunch with Barbara.
And Dick.
You knew they planned it. It wasn’t a coincidence. Dick showing up just as Barbara tried to soften you up? His concerned eyes, his cautious tone, the way he leaned forward every time he spoke—as if proximity could somehow mend what was broken. It was calculated. All of it.
You didn’t hate them for trying. But you couldn’t sit there and let them pick at the wound they’d left in you.
The moment Dick started talking about “your life” and how “you both haven’t spent some time together”, you felt your chest tighten, the coffee in front of you suddenly too bitter to swallow. You hadn’t meant to leave so quickly. But the words had stuck in your throat, choking you. You made some excuse about having plans and got out of there as fast as you could without outright running.
It wasn’t a lie. You did have plans. Caitlyn and Adrien were meeting you at the library later. But “later” was still a few hours away. You could’ve stayed and talked to them. You could’ve let them say whatever it was they needed to say.
But you couldn’t do it.
Why couldn’t you?
The question burned in your mind, eating away at the edge of your thoughts. You didn’t understand it entirely. Sure, you had expected to feel awkward seeing them again after all this time, maybe a little angry. That much made sense. But what you felt in there was something else entirely. Something heavier. Sharper.
It was like a storm had cracked open inside of you, filling your veins with rage and grief that didn’t belong to you.
It didn’t feel like you. No, that wasn’t right.
It did belong to you—it just wasn’t yours anymore. It belonged to someone you used to be, someone you thought you’d left behind.
Sixteen year old you.
That version of you, when your father had been lost in the timestream—presumed dead—and the weight of Gotham’s shadow had fallen heavier on your shoulders. On everyone’s shoulders. When you threw yourself into every mission and patrol, desperate to prove yourself. To prove to everyone else that you were useful—that you could help. The one that was benched and replaced, the one who’d walked away with more bruises inside than out… that’s what you’d felt.
Your older self had moved on—or at least you thought you had. You weren’t that angry, reckless kid anymore. You’d told yourself you understood why Dick and Barbara did what they did, even if it hurt. You had buried whatever sort of negative emotions you felt back then. You’d told yourself you forgave them. Because they meant well.
They only did what they thought was right at the moment.
But sitting across from them just moments ago, seeing their faces, hearing their voices—it all came rushing back. The raw, unfiltered pain. The bitterness you thought you’d buried. The feeling of being left behind by them.
And it wasn’t fair. Not to them, and not to you either. But it was there, clawing at your chest, screaming for attention.
None of this matters, you told yourself.
It shouldn’t matter.
Not now. Not anymore.
You weren’t sixteen. You weren’t the same girl who needed their validation to feel whole.
So why was that old pain refusing to go away? Why was it still clawing at your chest like it was desperate to be heard?
Was it because you were back in this time? Back to when the wounds were still fresh, when everything was falling apart?
The ache throbbed like a second heartbeat, making you grit your teeth.
You exhaled sharply, willing yourself to focus. None of this would matter in a few hours when you were with Caitlyn and Adrien. For now, you just needed to clear your head.
As you walked, your mind wandered aimlessly through the noise of Gotham’s streets. You were too wrapped up in your thoughts to notice much—the chaotic honking of cabs, the sharp clatter of hurried pedestrians, or the faint scent of roasted nuts from a street vendor. Everything was muffled, distant, like the city itself was trying to fade into the background.
That’s why the sudden impact took you completely off guard.
“Whoa!”
The force slammed into your side, nearly knocking you off balance. You staggered a step, your boots scraping against the pavement as you barely managed to steady yourself.
Blinking, you looked down to see a small figure sprawled on the sidewalk.
“Hey, you okay?” you asked, your voice softening as you knelt down to check on the kid.
The kid on the ground, no older than nine you think, was rubbing his back, wincing. His round face scrunched up, his wide brown eyes framed by impossibly long lashes, blinked up at you.
“Yeah,” he muttered, looking up at you. “Sorry. I wasn’t looking.”
You sighed, offering him a hand. “No, it’s okay. You just caught me off guard. You sure you’re not hurt?”
He hesitated for a moment before nodding, though his wince when he tried to stand made you narrow your eyes. That’s when you noticed it—a scrape on his shin, the fabric of his pants slightly torn. A thin trail of blood trickled down his pale skin, standing out starkly in the cold light of the afternoon.
“Hold on,” you said gently, guiding him to a nearby bench. “Sit here for a second, okay?”
The kid obeyed, his small legs swinging idly as they dangled above the sidewalk.
“I’ll be right back,” you promised, already heading towards the convenience store on the corner.
Inside, you quickly grabbed a small bottle of antispetic, some wipes and a pack of bandages, rushing back to where the kid sat. The boy was still swinging his legs, humming softly to himself as he traced the patterns on the bench.
“Okay,” you said, kneeling in front of him again. “This might sting a little.”
The boy just shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”
You arched an eyebrow but didn’t comment. As carefully as you could, you wiped the scrape clean, dabbing at the blood with gentle precision. He flinched only once, biting his lips to keep from making a sound, but his tiny hands gripped the edge of the bench tightly.
“There,” you said after pressing a bandage over the wound. You patted his knee lightly and smiled. “Good as new.”
The boy tilted his head to look at his leg, then back at you. His big brown eyes practically sparkled with wonder. “Thanks! You didn’t have to do that.”
“Sure, I did, you replied, leaning back on your heels. “It was my fault you fell and scraped your knee, after all.”
He giggled, a soft, bubbly sound that melted through the cold air. “It wasn’t your fault! I wasn’t watching where I was going. I was running.”
“Running, huh?” you asked, tilting your head. “Why the rush?”
He puffed out his chest a little, trying to act tought almost. “I like running! It makes me feel like a superhero!”
The earnestness in his voice made you chuckle. “A superhero, huh? Well, superheroes need to be careful too, you know. Especially in Gotham. You don’t want to go running into the wrong kind of person.”
“I won’t!” he promised, his little hand lifting as if he were making a vow. “I will run really fast, so no one can catch me!”
“Good plan,” you said, giving him an approving nod.
He kicked his legs again, glancing around the bustling street. “My name’s Elliot, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Elliot. I’m (Name).”
“Nice to meet you too!”
He tilted his head, studying you with a curious look. “You’re really nice. Are you from around here?”
“Yeah. I live nearby.”
You studied him for a moment, his small frame dwarfed by the oversized coat he was wearing. “What about you?”
“I live at the orphanage,” he said simply, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
The casualness of his tone tugged at your chest. “The one down the street?”
“Yeah.”
There was no sadness in his voice, no hesitation. Just a simple fact.
“How long have you been there?” you asked, leaning back slightly.
He shrugged. “I dunno. A while, I guess. I don’t really remember anything else.”
The weight of his words settled over you, heavy and uncomfortable. The casual way he said it made something twist in your chest. You cleared your throat. “Well, you should be more careful running around out here. Gotham’s not exactly the friendliest city, you know.”
He nodded earnestly at your words.
“Just don’t go running into any supervillains, okay?”
He giggled. “Okay!”
Satisfied that he was okay, you stood and brushed off your jeans. “All right, kid. You’re good to go. Take care of yourself.”
“Okay! Bye, (Name)! Thanks again!” he said, hopping off the bench.
You watched as Elliot disappeared into the crowd, his small figure weaving through the bustling pedestrains with ease. The city swallowed him up in seconds, his bright energy and carefree smile lingering only in your memory.
And then all of a sudden…. something hit you.
Flashes. Sharp and sudden, like a flood of images pouring into your brain.
You saw Elliot. But not on the street. He was in a dimly lit room, his wide eyes filled with fear. Shadows moved around him—figures closing in. You heard muffled cries, the sound of something heavy scraping against the floor.
And then it was gone.
You gasped sharply, your breath catching in your throat, as you clutched the back of the bench for support. The world tilted for a moment before steadying again, but the ache in your chest hadn’t left.
“What the hell was that?” you muttered, your voice trembling.
You glanced back toward the spot where Elliot had disappeared, your pulse racing. The flashes still lingered in your mind like afterimages, vivid and unshakable. You could still feel the weight of his fear, the sharp edges of the shadows closing in on him.
It felt real. Too real.
But it couldn’t be.
Could it?
Your chest tightened as you wrestled with the questions clawing their way to the surface. What was that? A vision? A hallucination? You’d never experienced anything like that before. There was no warning, no explanation to what you just experienced, just those flashes of something you couldn’t comprehend.
Your gaze darted over the crowded street, searching for the small boy, but he was long gone. A part of you wanted to chase after him, to grab his hand and demand answers—even if you weren’t sure what those answers could possibly be. Another part of you felt frozen, stuck in the swirling chaos of your own thought.
Even if you did catch up to Elliot, would he be able to give you the explanation you needed? From the looks of it, the kid seemed fine. He looked content with where he was, content with his life. Nothing seemed amiss.
Nothing…?
No. There was something amiss.
His clothes.
They weren’t in terrible shape, but they were clearly old—faded fabric, a few loose threads, and patches in places that made it clear they weren’t new. Passed down. Not what you’d expect from a child living in an orphanage funded by Wayne Enterprises’ charity foundations.
Your father’s charity had strict guidelines. Proper care, sufficient resources, and decent clothing for all the kids under its wing. That much you knew. Elliot’s oversized coat and scuffed shoes didn’t fit that picture.
But that wasn’t proof. You had no solid foundation for your suspicions—just flashes of fear and shadows that may not have even been real. For all you knew, it was nothing. Your mind could have been playing tricks on you, filling in blanks that didn’t exist.
Still, the thought gnawed at you, refusing to let go. There was more to this. There had to be. And you knew it. You had to check this out. You had to investigate this—
But then came the reminder: you weren’t Batgirl anymore.
You clenched your jaw at the thought. You’d quit that life, stepped away from the vigilante world and everything that came with it. You’d promised yourself that you wouldn’t go back—not for anyone, not for any reason.
But what if there was something deeper here? What if those flashes were real, not some random trick of your mind? You couldn’t ignore it. Not completely.
A sigh slipped past your lips as the internal battle raged on. Investigate? No, that wasn’t who you were anymore. And yet, you couldn’t just let it go.
For now, there was only one thing you could do without crossing the line you’d set for yourself: check out the orphanage in the Batcomputer’s database. If there was something wrong, there’d be records—staff changes, supply reports, funding discrepancies. Something that could confirm or deny the flicker of unease twisting in your chest.
You’d start there. That much, at least, was safe.
You had other plans with Caitlyn and Adrien. Whatever this was, it would have to wait until later.
…..
Damnit. You couldn’t wait. This couldn’t wait.
With that, you turned to head towards the orphanage down the street. You had to see with your own eyes that Elliot was okay. That what you experienced was a figment of your fucked up imagination.
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The orphanage loomed ahead as you walked down the street, its iron gates standing tall, though not imposing. A modest building of faded red brick with large, neatly trimmed hedges lining its perimeter, it seemed well-maintained. The kind of place that didn’t scream luxury but gave the impression of care.
You hesitated just outside the gate, your fingers curling around the cold metal bars as you peered inside. The soft sound of laughter drifted through the crisp air, and you spotted a handful of kids running around in the garden. A boy and girl were tossing a ball back and forth while another group of kids crouched near a flowerbed, clearly engaged in some secretive game.
And then you saw him.
Elliot.
He was in the middle of the yard, darting between two other kids as they played an energetic game of tag. His oversized coat flapped as he ran, his laughter echoing through the space. His carefree smile, his bright energy—it was a relief to see.
You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.
He was fine. He looked fine. And so did the rest of the kids.
Maybe you were imagining things after all. Lack of sleep? Stress? Yeah, probably. The flashes you’d seen earlier couldn’t have been real. There was no sign of fear here, no shadows closing in. Just kids being kids, carefree and safe.
Still, you couldn’t shake the unease simmering in your chest. The orphanage itself didn’t give off any bad vibes. The garden was tidy, the kids seemed happy, and the building looked well-maintained. But something about it all still felt off.
You leaned against the gate, lost in thought. Was it guilt? Anxiety? Or was there actually something here you were missing?
“Can I help you?”
The sudden voice startled you, making you flinch.
Your eyes snapped up, landing on an older woman standing just beyond the gate. She was thin, with silver hair neatly pinned back, and she wore a pale green cardigan over a plain blouse. Her sharp, gray eyes studied you with polite curiosity.
“Oh, uh…” you stammered, stepping back from the gate. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—uh, I wasn’t—”
Her expression softened, and she offered you a small smile. “No need to apologize, dear. It’s not every day someone stops to stare at the children playing.”
You cringed internally at her words. Damn, the way she put it made you sound like a creep. But before you could say anything more, she stepped forward and gestured for you to follow. “Why don’t you come in for a cup of tea? It’s much warmer inside.”
You hesitated for a moment, glancing back at the kids before nodding.
Inside, the orphanage was cozy but simple. The hallway walls were painted a soft beige, and framed pictures of smiling children lined the space. The faint scent of lavender lingered in the air, mixing with the aroma of freshly brewed tea.
The woman led you into a small sitting room with worn but comfortable-looking furniture. A sturdy wooden table sat in the center, and on it was a tray with a teapot and two mismatched cups.
“Please, sit,” she said, gesturing to one of the chairs as she poured tea into the cups. “I’m Mrs. Cole, the warden here. And you are?”
You introduced yourself, feeling a bit awkward under her steady gaze.
“So,” she said, handing you a cup before settling into her own chair. “What brings you here today?”
You hesitated, your hands warming against the cup’s surface as you searched for the right words. “I, uh… I was just… checking on one of the kids. I bumped into him earlier on the street, and I wanted to make sure he was okay.”
Her brows lifted slightly, and then she chuckled softly. “I see. Spying on children, were you?”
The way she said it—lighthearted and without malice—made your shoulders relax, but the heat still rushed to your face. “That sounds so bad. I didn’t mean—ugh.” You groaned, cringing at your own words. “I didn’t mean to make myself seem so suspicious and creepy.”
Mrs. Cole waved a dismissive hand, a warm smile on her face. “It’s quite all right. You don’t seem the type to mean any harm. Which child was it that you were worried about?”
“His name’s Elliot,” you said, setting your cup down. “I just wanted to check in, that’s all.”
“Oh, Elliot,” she said, her tone light. “He’s a lively one, isn’t he? Always running around, full of energy.”
You nodded, watching her carefully as she took a sip of her tea. “Yeah. He seemed pretty happy.”
“Of course,” she said with a soft chuckle. “We do our best to make sure all the children feel safe and cared for. It’s not an easy task, but it’s rewarding.”
Breathing is steady.
No rapid blinking.
Stance isn’t rigid.
No notable pupil dilation either.
Either she’s telling the truth, or she’s an excellent liar.
“Has he been here long?” you asked, trying to keep your tone casual.
“Elliot? Ah, yes,” she said, setting her cup down. “His parents passed away in a car accident when he was only a few months old if I remember correctly. There was no next of kin, and he ended up in my care. He’s grown up well. A sweet boy, really. A bit of a dreamer.”
You nodded slowly, forcing a polite smile. “That’s good to hear.”
But it wasn’t. The pit in your stomach only grew. You wanted to believe her, to convince yourself that everything was fine, that you were overthinking this. But the image of Elliot’s oversized coat and scuffed shoes kept gnawing at you. And then there was that flash—the fear in his eyes, the shadows.
You glanced around the room, taking in the neat but modest surroundings. There were no obvious red flags, no signs of neglect or mistreatment. And yet… something felt glaringly wrong.
“I don’t mean to pry,” you said carefully, “but I noticed his coat seemed a bit… old. Do the kids get new clothes regularly?”
Mrs. Cole’s smile didn’t waver, but you noticed her fingers tighten ever so slightly around the handle of her cup. “We do our best with the resources we have. Of course, donations don’t always cover everything we’d like.”
“Right,” you said, keeping your tone neutral. “Well, it’s great that you’re doing so much for them. I’m sure it’s not an easy job.”
Mrs. Cole inclined her head, her smile firmly in place. “It’s a labor of love, as they say.”
You nodded, though your mind was already racing. Something about her demeanor—the way she’d hesitated when you mentioned Elliot, the overly smooth responses—set off alarm bells.
Her words sounded rehearsed, like something you’d hear at a charity gala. Polished, pleasant, but impersonal. Something in your gut twisted. You didn’t have proof—nothing concrete—but the flashes from earlier refused to leave your mind.
But maybe it was nothing. Maybe you were projecting, letting your own guilt and unresolved issues cloud your judgment. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to this place than met the eye.
You finished your tea quickly, standing up and offering a polite smile. “Thanks for the tea, Mrs. Cole. I should get going.”
“Of course,” she said, rising to her feet. “It was lovely to meet you. Do stop by again if you’d like to volunteer. The children always appreciate new faces.”
You nodded, murmuring a quick goodbye as you stepped out into the cold air. The sound of laughter still drifted from the garden, but it felt distant, almost hollow.
Your mind raced as you walked away, replaying the conversation over and over. The flashes you experienced, the shadows closing in—they didn’t feel like random visions. They felt like something real, something you couldn’t ignore.
And then there was Mrs. Cole. Polite, warm, and perfectly pleasant on the surface. But there was something beneath it all, something she wasn’t saying. You were sure of it.
You glanced back at the orphanage, its brick walls bathed in the soft glow of the setting sun.
You weren’t Batgirl anymore. You weren’t a detective or a hero. But right now, none of that mattered.
Something was wrong here. You didn’t know what, but you were going to find out.
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Tim stared at the coffee cup in front of him, the steam long since gone cold. The café was quiet, save for the hum of conversation and the soft clatter of cups against saucers. But his mind was loud—too loud. Gotham’s shadows seemed heavier lately, the air thicker, and even though crime rates had started to level out with Bruce’s return, Tim couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Maybe it was just him. Bruce was back. Dick was Nightwing again. Damian was still Robin. Everyone seemed to be slipping back into their old roles, their old dynamics.
Everyone except him.
He stirred his drink absentmindedly, watching the ripples swirl and fade. Red Robin was his now, his own identity carved out of necessity. He wasn’t exactly proud of what he’d built with it, but the question lingered: what did Red Robin mean in a Gotham where everything was supposed to be falling back into place? He wanted to feel like things were normal again, but there was an unease in his chest that he couldn’t quite name. Maybe it was the way Bruce had been lately—colder, more distant, like the time apart had left cracks in the foundation of their already-fragile relationship. Maybe it was the weight of managing Wayne Enterprises on top of everything else. Or maybe it was something deeper, something he hadn’t figured out yet.
“Tim.”
The voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Cassie standing across from him, arms crossed and a brow raised. She tilted her head, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “Brooding even in a café. Classic Tim Drake.”
“Cassie.” he said, blinking away the fog in his head.
Tim hadn’t even noticed the time pass until Cassie slid into the seat across from him. “Did you forget the whole reason we invited you out to eat?”
Tim glanced up from his coffee. “You mean forcing me to postpone my work and dragging me out to eat?”
Cassie shrugged unapologetically. “Same thing.”
Tim sighed, already feeling the weight of the conversation that was about to unfold. He hadn’t wanted to go out, hadn’t wanted to leave his thoughts behind. But here he was, surrounded by familiar faces. The air of the café was warm, the clinking of cutlery and cups acting as a faint soundtrack to his spiraling thoughts.
Cassie leaned forward, eyes softening as she looked at him. “So, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing. Just the usual.” Tim tried to brush it off, shifting his gaze away. But Cassie wasn’t buying it. He felt like he was wearing his discomfort like a badge, too heavy to ignore.
“Don’t even try it. You’ve been cooped up with work, patrols, and whatever else Gotham’s been throwing at you. But this is something else. When’s the last time you got out of your own head?”
He hesitated, looking down at his cup. “I’m fine, Cassie.”
“Tim.” Her voice softened, and when he looked up, her expression was tinged with concern. “You don’t have to do that with me. What’s going on?”
Tim opened his mouth to respond, but his mind flickered to Gotham once again—its fractured streets, its shadows that felt even darker now. He leaned back in his chair, taking a long breath, trying to find the right words. “It’s Gotham. It’s everything. Bruce is back, Dick’s Nightwing, Damian’s still Robin, and I’m… Red Robin.” He let the words hang in the air, not fully knowing what to make of them. “It’s just—where do I fit in all of this? Everyone’s falling back into their roles like nothing’s changed. But I’m not sure I fit anywhere anymore.”
Cassie raised a brow, clearly sensing the deeper meaning behind his words, but she didn’t push him too hard. Instead, she tilted her head and spoke in a gentle, teasing tone. “Are you sure this is just about Gotham? Because if it’s only Gotham, that’s a lot of caffeine for someone who’s just having a ‘midlife crisis’ at, what, eighteen?”
Tim let out a half-laugh, the first hint of relief he’d felt all day. He was grateful for the distraction, but the nagging feeling at the back of his mind wouldn’t let go. Gotham was one thing, but there was more to it, something beneath the surface. He couldn’t stop thinking about how things had shifted within the family, how everything had changed after Bruce’s return. Even with Stephanie as Batgirl now, there was something unsettling about the way Bruce had leaned into her role, leaving you behind.
You.
Tim’s grip on his drink tightened.
Maybe that’s what’s been off.
You had been Batgirl, the title was yours before Bruce being lost in the timestream turned the whole family upside down. When he returned, Tim thought it would bring you relief—that it would give you the chance to be Batgirl officially again, to rebuild what had been fractured. But instead, it seemed to push you further away.
Tim wasn’t stupid. He’d noticed how Bruce had interacted with you, how he seemed to choose Stephanie over you, without even saying a word. Tim had noticed the way Bruce seemed to regard Stephanie as Batgirl more openly, more comfortably, than he ever had you. It wasn’t spoken out loud, but the difference was there, in the little things Bruce did—or didn’t do. And Tim knew better than most how much that could sting. How it could make you question whether you really had a place at all.
And that was what gnawed at him the most. He knew that feeling intimately. And unlike him, you hadn’t fought back.
No.
You had fought back.
But it hadn’t been enough. Not really.
And now, you’d chosen to step away completely. And Tim couldn’t fathom why.
That wasn’t all that had changed.
Something about your recent behavior, the way you’d started to act differently, unsettled Tim in a way he couldn’t explain. The day he’d seen you and Damian talking had only made things worse. You’d apologized to him over something. And Damian—he had actually apologized too. That alone had been jarring enough, but the way he leaned into the small pat you gave his head afterward? The way he smiled—actually smiled—when you walked away?
Tim couldn’t wrap his head around it. You and Damian, who were once at each other’s throats constantly—more him than you—were suddenly… close?
Maybe not that close. But whatever had shifted between you two, it felt monumental. And it only made Tim’s unease grow.
He couldn’t help but wonder if your connection with Damian was what solidified you decision to quit being Batgirl.
Tim hated not knowing for sure. Hated feeling you were slipping further away while he stood on the sidelines, powerless to understand why.
You had stepped away, and the world kept turning, and yet, Tim was left here wondering why he was the only one who noticed how wrong it all felt.
Why was it so easy for everyone else to move on?
Why did it feel like you were disappearing right in front of him?
And why—
Why did it bother him so much?
Tim exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over his face, barely registering the scrape of his palm against the stubble on his chin.
He was spiraling. Overthinking. Doing exactly what Cassie didn’t want him to do when she dragged him out here.
“Still with me, Drake? Or am I interrupting a brooding session?”
Tim didn’t even look up, though he felt a sense of relief wash over him at the sound of his friend’s familiar tone, watching him slide into the seat next to Cassie. “What do you want, Kon?”
“Food. And maybe some actual conversation?” Kon’s grin was sharp, teasing, but Tim could hear the undercurrent of something else beneath it. Concern, maybe. Annoyance. Behind him, Bart bounced in, all energy and bright eyes. “Hey! You really went out and left us all wondering if we’d get the invite back into your brooding circle.”
“You’re late,” Tim deadpanned. “I’m already way ahead of you in the ‘feeling sorry for myself’ game.”
“Yeah, that’s a surprise,” Kon muttered, tossing a fry into his mouth. “So, what’s up, man? You finally coming to terms with how much Gotham sucks?”
“Do I look like I’m ‘coming to terms’ with anything?” Tim said dryly, running a hand through his hair.
The words sat heavy in his throat.
Because no. He wasn’t coming to terms with anything. He was still stuck in that place between knowing something was wrong and not knowing how to fix it.
He wanted answers. He wanted to understand.
Because this wasn’t just about Gotham, or Damian, or the changes in the family.
It was about you.
The words about you were sitting just on the tip of his tongue, but something was holding him back. Was he ready to say it out loud? Was he ready to admit to them that the problem wasn’t Gotham, but you?
“I don’t know,” Kon teased. “You don’t look nearly as miserable as you usually do when you get all angsty. Cassie’s worked her magic on you?”
Cassie rolled her eyes, but before Tim could reply, he felt Bart’s gaze flickering over to him with that sharp energy he always carried. “So, who’s the real problem? Because I’m guessing it’s not Gotham, but you’ve been keeping something from us.”
Tim hesitated, his hand tightening around the cup in front of him.
He hadn’t meant to talk about this.
But the words were already there, sitting on the tip of his tongue, refusing to be swallowed back down.
“It’s nothing,” he finally said, his voice quieter. “It’s just… (Name).”
There, he said it.
The words hung in the air.
“You mean your sister?” Bart questioned.
Tim paused. The simplicity of the question caught him off guard.
Your sister.
The word sat strange in his chest, like an ill-fitting puzzle piece forced into place.
Was that what you were?
Of course, that was what everyone thought. What everyone had always assumed. It was easier that way, wasn’t it? Easier to slap a label on something so tangled and complicated and pretend it all made sense.
But did it?
Because the truth was, the two of you had never really acted like siblings. Not in the way that mattered. Not in the way Dick had been like an older brother to him all these years, not in the way Bruce had been a mentor and partner to him. There had always been distance, always something unspoken and unresolved. You were just… there. Always there. Not quite a sibling, but not not one, either.
You weren’t like Stephanie, who shoved her way into his life until he had no choice but to care. You weren’t like Cassandra, who slipped into the role of family so seamlessly that it felt inevitable.
You were just… there.
Sometimes close. Sometimes so far away he couldn’t even read you.
And yet—
Yet, there had been moments. Quiet ones. The kind that didn’t fit into any neat, easy definition of family but still meant something. The nights after patrol when neither of you spoke but just sat in the bat cave in companionable silence. The rare times you had backed him up without hesitation, without question, even when no one else had. Moments where, in your own quiet, detached way, you had shown that you cared.
Hadn’t that meant something? Or had he just imagined it?
Tim faltered, staring down at his hands. The words felt heavy in his throat.
“No, she’s—”
He stopped.
He couldn’t say it.
Because what was he going to say? That you weren’t his sister? That you had never really felt like one?
Or that you were, that you always had been, even if neither of you had ever been good at showing it?
He couldn’t say it, because at the end of the day, you were his sister. Maybe not in the way that everyone assumed. Maybe not in the way that was easy or simple or made sense.
But you had been there. And Tim didn’t just let people go. He couldn’t just let people in his life go.
No matter how far away you seemed now.
“Whatever,” Tim said quickly, brushing it aside. “That’s not the point.”
“Sure, sure,” Kon said, his tone full of mischief. “Whatever you say, Tim.”
Before Tim could respond, Bart’s eyes suddenly widened. He tapped the table, pointing past Tim toward the window. “Oh, wait, isn’t that her right there?”
Tim’s breath caught in his throat.
He turned.
And there you were.
Walking past the café, completely unaware of the inner turmoil that had just been about you.
What were the chances?
“Oh yeah,” Kon said, leaning back in his chair as he squinted through the glass. “That is her.”
Tim felt his grip tighten around his cup.
Cassie tilted her head, watching you as you passed by the café window. “Oh, she cut her hair. Looks good on her.”
Tim barely processed her words, too caught up in the sheer coincidence of it all. Or maybe it wasn’t coincidence at all. Maybe Gotham was just cruel, always forcing things in front of him that he wasn’t ready to deal with.
“Should we invite her over?” Kon asked casually, already shifting in his seat.
“No—” Tim started quickly, panic flashing through him.
But Bart was already gone.
A gust of wind, a sudden rush of air—
And then you were there.
Hair windblown, eyes wide with confusion, breath still catching up from the sudden shift in space.
“The hell—” you started, blinking fast, clearly trying to process the fact that you’d just been yanked off the street and dumped at their table.
Tim didn’t even have time to glare at Bart for pulling this before your gaze finally settled on him.
Tim met your gaze on instinct.
And just as quickly, he wished he hadn’t.
Because the moment your eyes landed on him, your expression shifted. Slightly. Just the smallest shift. It was subtle. Barely even there. Just a small, fleeting change in your features.
Just enough that someone else might have missed it.
But Tim saw it. Of course he saw it. He always saw it. He felt it.
Like a blow to the chest, knocking the air right out of him. Like something sharp was twisting in his gut.
He barely kept himself from wincing.
Well, this is already going great…
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Your visit to the orphanage had left you feeling unsettled. You kept replaying the conversation with Mrs. Cole in your head, dissecting every word, every glance, every hesitation. There was something about her that didn’t sit right with you. Something about the way she had looked at you, the way she spoke, like she knew more than she was letting on.
But before you could dwell on it any longer, you suddenly heard someone call your name.
You barely had time to turn, to see who it was, before—
Everything blurred.
The world around you shifted in a rush of wind and color, and the next thing you knew—
You were inside.
Inside a random café, sitting at a table surrounded by familiar faces.
The scent of coffee and something sweet hit you first, warm and inviting, but your brain was still playing catch-up.
Your eyes landed on Bart, who was grinning from ear to ear.
“Ta-da!”
You blinked.
What.
Your eyes then landed on the others at the table.
Cassie, Conner, and—
Tim.
Oh.
Oh.
Your stomach twisted.
It took you longer than it should have to realize what was wrong, why seeing Tim like this felt off.
Because this wasn’t the Tim you remembered.
This was a Tim who was younger, just as you were younger now.
It was the first time you were actually seeing him like this since you had found yourself back to when you were sixteen.
And god, did it feel weird. It never stopped being weird.
“Hey!” Bart grinned, all bright energy and no regard for personal space. “You looked like you were gonna wander around aimlessly, so I figured—why not save you the trouble?”
You blinked. Your brain was still trying to process what the hell just happened.
Kid Flash. Right. Speed. No sense of boundaries. No concept of asking first. Should’ve expected that.
You inhaled, barely holding back the urge to sigh, schooling your expression into something neutral, something polite. “Right. Thanks for that.”
“Oh nice! You didn’t scream,” Bart noted cheerfully, plopping into the seat next to you. “That’s an improvement.”
You turned to him, blinking. “Excuse me?”
“Y’know,” Bart waved a hand. “Last time I zoomed someone into a new location without warning, they kinda freaked out. You just looked mildly horrified.”
“That’s… comforting,” you said dryly, still adjusting to the sudden shift.
“Glad to be of service,” Bart chirped.
You exhaled sharply, finally taking in the people around you.
Cassie, smiling, looking a little amused.
Kon, grinning, elbows on the table.
Tim, staring at his coffee like it suddenly got so interesting.
You weren’t sure if that made things better or worse.
The café was warm, the scent of coffee and pastries filling the air, but you felt off, like you didn’t belong here, like you had been dropped into a scene that wasn’t meant for you.
Because you weren’t close to them. Not really.
Sure, you’d fought alongside them before, shared battlefields, been in the same circles because of Gotham and Tim, but outside of that? Outside of the life you’d left behind? There was nothing. No real connection. You weren’t friends.
Cassie leaned forward slightly, her expression open, easy. “You cut your hair.”
You blinked at the casualness of it. “Uh. Yeah.”
“Looks good on you,” Kon added, resting his arm on the back of his chair like he had all the time in the world.
You stared at them for a beat too long, trying to figure out if they were messing with you. If this was some kind of setup.
But their expressions were… genuine.
And you didn’t know what to do with that.
Why were they even being this nice?
Why were they looking at you like they actually wanted you here?
“…Thanks,” you said eventually, the word feeling foreign in your mouth.
You’d never really talked to them before. Not beyond polite small talk or necessary battle strategy. But now they were trying to make conversation, pulling you into their little group like you belonged there.
You watched as Kon casually elbowed Tim, who hadn’t said a word. Not once.
“What? Not going to say hi to your sister?”
Tim’s posture stiffened, like he hadn’t expected to be dragged into this.
You didn’t look at him.
He didn’t look at you.
The tension was immediate.
Cassie sighed, kicking Kon under the table. “The one time I’m asking you to not make things awkward..”
“I’m not the one..!” Kon tries to argue, but he backed off under Cassie’s glare.
Bart, either oblivious or just not caring, was still watching you with that bright-eyed curiosity, like he was studying something interesting under a microscope. “So what were you doing before I heroically saved you from walking around alone?”
You tensed, caught off guard by the question.
“I wasn’t—” You cut yourself off, shifting in your seat. “I was just running errands.”
Not a lie, exactly. But not the truth, either.
Mrs. Cole. The orphanage.
That wasn’t something you were about to share. Not yet.
Bart hummed, clearly not convinced but also not pushing it. “You sure? You looked pretty deep in thought.”
“Yeah,” Kon added, tapping his fingers against the table. “You weren’t exactly giving ‘casual stroll.’”
You glanced at them, at their easy camaraderie, their familiarity with each other. With Tim.
He still hadn’t said anything.
You could feel his presence across from you, a steady weight pressing at the edges of your awareness, but you didn’t look at him.
Not really.
You weren’t exactly ignoring him, but you weren’t acknowledging him either.
It was easier this way.
Easier to pretend like there wasn’t a tension suffocating the air between you two, like his presence wasn’t pressing against your awareness like a phantom touch.
But his friends?
They definitely noticed.
Of course they did.
Bart’s gaze flickered between you and Tim, curiosity written all over his face. Cassie’s smile faltered slightly, like she could sense the awkwardness and was trying to find a way around it. Even Kon, usually laid-back, was watching the both of you a little too closely.
Not subtle in the slightest.
And you hated it.
Hated that they were trying to figure you out.
You weren’t stupid.
You knew how this worked.
They were trying to get something from you, weren’t they? Information? They were being nice because they wanted to know something. About you. About Tim.
But why?
You barely even knew them.
Sure, you’d crossed paths, had mutual connections, but that wasn’t enough for them to care. So why were they acting like it was?
You didn’t want to be a part of this.
Didn’t want to be here.
“Y’know,” Cassie begins, breaking the silence. “You had this really intense thinking face on. Do you always look that serious?”
You blinked at her, caught off guard. “I—”
“I bet she does,” Kon interrupted before you could finish. “Bet she’s just like Tim—probably broods in her free time, too.”
Tim, for the first time since you joined the table, finally acknowledged the conversation, shooting him a glare. “She doesn’t brood.”
Kon raised a brow. “You sure? Because I was getting major brooding vibes when she was outside.”
“I don’t brood,” you said flatly.
“See?” Tim muttered.
Kon just shrugged. “Alright, alright. Serious vibes then. That better?”
“Not really.”
“I dunno,” Bart chimed in, resting his chin in his palm. “I kinda like the serious vibe. Makes it even more fun to mess with you.”
You gave him a blank look. “That’s not very reassuring.”
Bart grinned. “Wasn’t supposed to be.”
Cassie sighed, shaking her head. “Ignore them. They get like this when they meet new people.”
Your brows furrowed slightly. “New people?”
Cassie shrugged. “I mean, kinda? We’ve never really hung out before. Outside of fighting crime, that is.”
And that was true.
You had crossed paths before, sure. But actual conversation? Actual interaction? It had been minimal.
Which made this—whatever this was—even stranger.
You were still trying to figure out why they were doing this.
Why they were talking to you.
Why they were being nice.
You weren’t stupid.
They were fishing.
For what, you weren’t sure.
But you didn’t want to find out.
So you took the out when you saw it.
“I should go,” you said abruptly, pushing your chair back.
Kon blinked. “What? But you just got here.”
“Yeah, well I have other plans.”
Cassie frowned slightly. “Are you sure? You don’t have to rush off—”
“It’s fine,” you reassured, already standing. “It was nice seeing you guys.”
Your voice was polite. Empty. And you still didn’t look at Tim. You barely spared him a glance.
Cassie sighed, but didn’t push. “It was nice seeing you too, (Name). See you around?” You gave a polite nod at that, and then turned to leave.
But for a second, just a second, as you turned to leave, you felt it—
The way Tim’s gaze lingered on you.
You saw something flicker in his expression.
Something that looked almost like—
No.
You didn’t let yourself think about it. Didn’t let youtself feel anything about it.
It was something you didn’t have the energy to unpack.
So you didn’t.
You just walked away.
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Bart let out a low whistle as the café door shut behind you. “Well, that wasn’t awkward.”
“Bart,” Cassie scolded, elbowing him lightly and shooting him a pointed look.
“What? It’s true.” He gestured at the door. “Did you see that? I mean, I was expecting a little awkwardness, but that was painful.”
Cassie sighed, giving Tim a quick glance, but he wasn’t reacting. Not outwardly, at least. She knew what was bothering him. They all did. It was impossible to miss, the way his shoulders were slumped, the way his hands fidgeted with the cup in front of him, his gaze unfocused as he stared down at the table like he was trying to break it apart with sheer willpower, the weight of the encounter settling heavily in his chest.
It wasn’t like Tim didn’t know things were weird between you two. But that—that was something else. His mind kept returning to the look on your face, that tiny flicker of discomfort as you’d stepped into the café, only to fade into polite indifference.
Indifference. That’s all it was.
He’d expected… what? That you’d at least acknowledge him more? That you wouldn’t act like he was just another person at the table?
Because that’s what it had felt like. Like he was just another acquaintance, someone who happened to be there, and nothing more.
You were polite, careful, giving Cassie, Kon, and Bart the same level of conversation you always did. But with him? It was like you had a wall up so high he couldn’t even see over it. And what made it worse was how easy it was to see through it. You weren’t ignoring him outright, but you also weren’t letting yourself interact with him beyond the bare minimum. It was deliberate.
Which meant you were doing it on purpose.
Which meant you didn’t want to talk to him.
And the worst part? Tim couldn’t even pinpoint why it bothered him so much. He’d seen you pull away before, but this felt different—he could see it in your eyes, the way you actively avoided him, the way you kept your answers to him curt, brief. Every word from you seemed to fall flat, like you were already somewhere else, mentally preparing to leave. He hadn’t expected an embrace, or anything dramatic, but this? It felt like an emotional wall, one that he wasn’t sure how to scale.
Tim swallowed, shaking the thought out of his head before it could get too deep.
Kon, likely sensing the shift in mood, stretched his arms over his head and leaned back in his seat. “Anyway, how’s everyone’s food? Because my burger is phenomenal.”
Cassie gave him a flat look. “Seriously?”
“What? I’m just saying, good food is good food.”
Bart, thankfully, jumped onto the change in conversation. “I knew I should’ve ordered the burger…”
Tim let the conversation fade into the background, keeping his expression neutral. He should just move on. It was one interaction. One awkward conversation. Nothing worth thinking about.
Except he was thinking about it.
He couldn’t help but compare it to the way you were with Damian.
That still didn’t make sense to him.
Because while you barely even looked at Tim, you were actually getting along with Damian now?
You’d apologised to Damian. Damian had apologised to you.
Tim had seen the way you pat Damian’s head, how Damian had smiled at you.
Damian, who used to view you as nothing but another obstacle, another person he had to prove himself better than. Damian, who you used to dismiss just as easily.
Tim gritted his teeth slightly.
When did that change? How did that change?
What had he missed?
And why did it even matter to him?
You were your own person. He had no right to dictate who you were close to, who you let in. It wasn’t like he had a claim to your time or attention.
But it did matter. Because for all the years you’d spent working together, for all the time you’d spent in the field, all the fights you’d fought—together—he’d never once seen you look at him the way you’d looked at Damian. Like you trusted him. Like you cared.
He shut his eyes briefly, then exhaled. No.
He was overthinking it.
He had to be.
He forced himself to let out a short breath, fixing his expression into something neutral before glancing back at Kon, who was now dramatically going on about his burger.
Tim let himself nod along, pretending to listen, pretending everything was fine.
But his mind was still on you. And no matter how much he tried to push it away, the feeling sat heavy in his chest.
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“Ever going to turn to the next page?”
Adrien’s voice cut through the haze in your mind, snapping you out of whatever daze you’d fallen into. You blinked, realizing your eyes had been stuck on the same paragraph for—who even knows how long? Right. You were in the library. With Adrien and Caitlyn. You should be focusing on this now. But no matter how much you tried, you couldn’t. Not after the absolute mess of a day you’d had.
“Right. Yeah.” You muttered, hurriedly flipping to the next page even though you hadn’t actually processed a single word from the last one.
Adrien and Caitlyn exchanged a glance. You didn’t see it, but you could feel it. That unspoken concern. You weren’t exactly the most talkative person on a normal day, sure, but this was different. This reminded them of before. When you were on the brink of exploding. When you pushed them away because of everything that had happened.
And Caitlyn? She was having none of it.
She leaned in slightly, keeping her voice low for the library’s sake. “Okay, what’s up with you?”
You shook your head. “Nothing. Just exhausted.”
Adrien snorted quietly. “You say that every time you don’t want to talk about something.”
“Because I am exhausted,” you shot back, but your voice lacked any real weight behind it.
Adrien didn’t buy it. “Uh-huh. And I’m Batman.”
That earned a small huff from you. “No, you’re an idiot.”
Caitlyn smirked. “He can be both.”
Adrien gasped, mock-offended. “Et tu, Cait?”
“You were literally just shoving the cart return door for five minutes before realizing you had to pull it open,” Caitlyn deadpanned.
“Okay, but in my defense—”
“You have no defense,” you and Caitlyn said at the same time.
Adrien groaned. “Okay, you two suck. I’m being bullied.”
It was lighthearted, easy. A familiar rhythm. But it didn’t last long, because the next time Caitlyn looked at you, her expression softened again. “Seriously, though. You’ve been weird all day.”
“I’m fine,” you muttered.
“Liar.”
“I’m—”
“Liar,” Adrien echoed.
You let out a sharp breath, the sudden pressure getting to you, and the next words left your mouth harsher than you intended. “Can you two just drop it?”
There was a brief pause. Adrien and Caitlyn both stared at you, taken aback.
You sighed, immediately regretting it. “I’m sorry. I just—there’s a lot of bullshit going on.”
Caitlyn’s gaze didn’t waver. “You wanna tell us?”
You hesitated.
Where would you even start?
With the lunch you had with Barbara? The way she invited you out, how it seemed normal at first—until Dick showed up and you realized it was a setup? That it wasn’t just a casual lunch, but an intervention in disguise? Dick trying to talk to you like you weren’t avoiding him, like things weren’t still awkward between you two? The way he looked at you, like he still saw that younger version of you that needed him, and not the one that knew how to work without him now?
And the worst part? You could tell Dick actually believed he could fix things between you. That he could sit across from you, act like things weren’t broken, like he could just talk and that would somehow be enough to undo everything that happened.
Or maybe you should start with bumping into Elliot? How after your little encounter with the little boy, your head had suddenly filled with these flashes—images? Visions? Hallucinations? Images that weren’t yours but felt too real to be just dreams. You didn’t know what they were, only that they left you feeling unsettled, disconnected from your own reality.
And that was what led you to visit the orphanage. Where you met the warden, Mrs Cole. How something about Mrs. Cole didn’t sit right with you. How everything about her felt too perfect, too practiced, too pristine—like a picture frame with something ugly hidden behind the glass. Like she was playing a role rather than living a life. Something about her had unsettled you, made your skin crawl in ways you couldn’t even articulate. You weren’t sure if it was paranoia or instinct, but something about her wasn’t right. And that thought had lingered long after you left.
And then, of course, there was Tim.
Tim and his friends.
That whole encounter had been worse than you could’ve expected. When Bart had suddenly whisked you into that café, you hadn’t even had time to process it before you were sitting across from Tim and his friends, completely caught off guard.
Superboy. Wonder Girl. Kid Flash. You weren’t close to them. You had barely interacted with them, and yet they had acted so welcoming—too welcoming.
And Tim?
Tim barely spoke.
And neither did you.
You answered questions too quickly, too politely, all while making a conscious effort not to look at him. And Tim—he did the same. The two of you danced around each other, careful and distant, as if eye contact alone would shatter whatever fragile thing was left between you.
And the more you thought about it, the more it frustrated you, because—why had it been so awkward?
It shouldn’t have been.
There was nothing to be awkward about.
And that was exactly the problem.
There was nothing to be awkward about.
No bond. No closeness. Nothing substantial.
If anything, the two of you had the kind of dynamic distant coworkers would have—barely interacting, only speaking when necessary, a mutual awareness of each other but not much else.
So why had it felt so suffocating? Why had it felt like you were both tiptoeing around something?
And you knew it wasn’t the current you feeling like this. It was your sixteen-year-old self.
And you couldn’t quite pinpoint why.
Maybe it was because of everything that had led up to that moment. Maybe it was because of what happened before all this.
Because despite everything—despite the distance, despite the lack of an actual bond—there was still something there. Something unspoken, something unresolved.
And that was what made it awkward.
That was what made it feel like more than just an uncomfortable run-in.
It was why you had left as soon as you found an opening.
It had been a mess. The whole day. One tangled, suffocating mess. And even now, hours later, you could still feel the weight of it.
There was no way in hell you could tell Adrien and Caitlyn all of that.
You let out the biggest sigh, slumping back against your seat. The sound was loud enough to earn multiple hushed scoldings from around the library. You muttered out a quick, hushed apology before running a hand down your face, fingers threading through your hair.
Adrien nudged your foot under the table. “Hey. Whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone.”
Caitlyn nodded. “You don’t have to tell us everything. But just—don’t shut us out, okay?”
You swallowed, the guilt creeping in. Because they were right. They were always there for you, and yet here you were, keeping them at arm’s length. Not because you didn’t trust them. Not because you wanted to. But because dragging them into your family’s secrets—into the chaos that surrounded you—would only do more harm than good. For both them and your family.
Some truths just weren’t meant to be shared.
You exhaled through your nose, glancing between the two of them. “I know. And I appreciate you guys. Really.”
Adrien narrowed his eyes. “That felt like an ‘I’m not actually going to tell you anything but please don’t be mad at me’ appreciation.”
You let out a small, dry chuckle. “It’s exactly that kind of appreciation.”
Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “Of course it is.”
Silence settled between you.
Yet, you found your thoughts drifting towards Elliot once more. The flashes that you still couldn’t pinpoint whether they’re real or just a fucked up hallucination. The orphanage that felt off in ways you couldn’t quite put into words.
You couldn’t let it go.
You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if you didn’t at least try to figure out what was going on.
You needed an excuse. A reason to go back. A way to investigate without drawing too much suspicion.
And then, suddenly, something clicked in your mind.
You looked up at your two friends, a new thought forming. “…What do you guys think about volunteering at an orphanage?”
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FInally done with this chapter ohmygod…. thank you all for being patient with me and hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter 🥰 lmk your thoughts on this chapter lol. also, this was definitely more of a world-building/plot developing chapter (yes! the plot is finally moving lesgo!!) expect more of young justice core 4 and uf trio in chapter 7 as well as two surprise people soon 🤭
reader 🤝 tim — overthinking things to the max (i actually hope i did his character justice 😬)
also i promise i’ll answer my inbox soon 😭 there is just so much stuff to reply to but i’ll eventually empty it out sooner or later
taglist is closed ‼️
taglist (1/2): @tricksters-maze @dusk-muse @quethekillerqueen @silverklaus @isupportorbitalbombardment @nxdxsworld @vanessa-boo @coffeeaddictxd @moonsbluekingdom @yuya-bubbly @percythebitchwitch @anonymousdisco @jason-todd-fangirl-14 @redsakura101 @what-0-life @idkwhattoputhete @secretyouthcomputer @witch-waycult @allycat4458 @dazed-lavender @eclecticfurylady @wizzerreblogs @marsmabe @daddysfangirls-dc @hoeinthehouse @lisalamona @ilxandra @agent-nobody-knows @thethingwiththefeathers @mochiivqi @pix-stuff @narration-ator @nebulousmoon3990 @delias-stuff @froggy-voidd @jjsmeowthie @kore-of-the-underworld @nen-nyy @juthesillylesbain @vikkus-main @emilylouise123 @blueiones @horror-lover-69 @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wassupbroski55555 @reallyromealone @plsfckmedxddy @sea-glasses @203moonysello @luvly-writer @dovey-quacks2332 @love-theangel @hotdinoankles @vebbiewuzhere @animegirlfromvietnam @estreiiuh @simply-lovely78 @twismare @ssak-i @g4bbi3xx @alor-thes (idk why i can’t tag some of y’all, must be your settings i think 😓)
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fastandcarlos · 6 months ago
Text
On The Mend : ̗̀➛ Oscar Piastri
summary: with your lack of presence in the paddock, fans are starting to worry, little do they know that you happen to be a little broken back at home
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liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 849,183 others
oscarpiastri: another successful week of racing, super proud of the whole team to get the car all the way to P2 this weekend 🏆🏎️
35,058 comments
username1: congratulations oscar, such an awesome drive!!
username2: just a shame that yn wasn’t there to see it once again 🙄
landonorris: so proud of you osc 😭😭😭
username3: surely they can’t still be together, she hasn’t shown her face in weeks…
charles_leclerc: mum is very proud that the two of us were on the podium btw
oscarpiastri: @/charles_leclerc it was all thanks to her pep talk ofc
username4: we’ll still support you osc even if yn won’t
mclaren: the whole team is so proud of you, congratulations oscar!
username5: enjoy the celebrations, I’m sure the team will be there for you at least 🥲
danielricciardo: congrats brother, always nice to see you repping for down under
username6: either something must be seriously wrong or yn really just doesn’t care anymore 😭
maxverstappen1: hell of a drive from you, great to see you back where you belong!
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ynusername posted two private stories
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replies
georgerussell63: thanks for reminding everyone I got a penalty yn 😂😂
oscarpiastri: make sure you’re resting, you don’t need to worry about the race sweetheart!!
ynusername: I’ve never missed a race of yours 😩
danielricciardo: why tf are you in hospital and why didn’t you tell me immediately so that I could help!!
nicolepiastri: sending you lots of love sweetheart, sorry we can’t be there to help you 💕
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oscarpiastri: I promise to sneak you in loads of snacks as soon as I’m there 💞
lilymhe: I miss you so much, hope you’re recovering well girlie
landonorris: he’s on the first flight outta here straight back to you 🧡
carmenmmundt: sending you all the healing vibes in the world ❤️
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liked by charles_leclerc, logansargeant and 812,948 others
oscarpiastri: wish me luck on the flight, some weird passenger keeps looking over their shoulder at me 👀
36,950 comments
username7: that poor pilot having to drive these two home lmao
danielricciardo: now you get to experience my struggle before you came along 😭
oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo idk how you ever did it 🤦🏻
username8: at least oscar has lando to celebrate with even though others have abandoned him
alex_albon: why else do you think we offered to take you home on our plane instead?! 😂
username9: i wonder if he's going home to yn being there or not
charles_leclerc: you're incredibly brave volunteering to travel home with him 👏🏻
username10: yn should be there with him, i really hope that they're okay
username11: what would we do without these two in our lives!?
maxverstappen1: we tried to talk you out of it but you didn't listen 🤷🏻
username 12: i love how all the boys are exposing lando as a terrible travel partner hahah
landonorris: stop trying to make it sound like we're not bffs osc 💔
oscarpiastri: @/landonorris that's because we're definitely not best friends
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liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 793,722 others
oscarpiastri: seeing as some people want to make it their business, we thought we’d share why yn hasn’t been around recently. a couple of weeks ago she had a nasty fall at home which resulted in a broken leg. yesterday I finally got to bring her home and begin helping her with recovery…just call me doctor piastri from now on 🧑🏻‍⚕️💞
57,492 comments
username13: i hope all you losers who thought they broke up are proud of yourselves 🙄
landonorris: you guys know where i am if you need anything!!
georgerussel63: we love you yn, make sure you get plenty of rest ❤️❤️❤️
username14: sending you so much love yn, get plenty of rest
ynusername: apologies in advance for the lack of sleep you're about to get because of me 😂
oscarpiastri: @/ynusername as long as you're healing idc 🥹
username15: can't believe some of you were so stupid to ever think they'd actually break up
alex_albon: glad to see you're back at home where you belong yn
danielricciardo: do i even want to ask how she managed to break her leg??
oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo if I told you I don't think you'd believe me 😂
username16: poor oscar looks exhausted having to drive and take care of yn too
charles_leclerc: pls tell me I get to sign the cast ✍️
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc i'll save a spot just for you
username17: please make sure you take care of yourself yn and ignore what everyone has to say
carmenmmundt: sending you so many healing vibes yn, we miss you at the paddock
username18: during a time when they need privacy and instead they've been hounded by nosey idiots 🤦🏻
maxverstappen1: can't wait to see all the doctor piastri content from you! 😂
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liked by georgerussell63, carlossainz55 and 682,058 others
oscarpiastri: the only way to get her out of the house atm is to bribe her with coffee ☕️
63,957 comments
username19: it's adorable how much oscar cares about her 🥰
lilymhe: tell her im omw with coffee as we speak to get her out again!
username20: it's so good to see yn back up on her feet and moving around again 🤩
alex_albon: i actually forgot what yn looked like stood upright for a moment
username21: why does it feel like oscar is one of those partners who is constantly checking on her making sure she's doing her exercises and following every single bit of advice
maxverstappen1: yn's injury is really making you look like the doting boyfriend rn ❤️
danielricciardo: if yn ever gets bored of being entertained on a walk by you, you know where i am!
username22: i bet yn can't wait for race weekend again to get rid of the nagging doctor 😂
landonorris: wish you looked after me as well as you look after yn
oscarpiastri: @/landonorris just a shame that we're not dating then really huh?!
username23: anyone else noticed how many drivers have been round this week to take yn out and make sure she's staying active too
username24: @/username23 i think she might just be the most popular wag on the grid
ynusername: i hate you but i love you at the same time these days 💞
oscarpiastri: @/ynusername if the doctor says you keep moving, it's my job to make you move 😂
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liked by landonorris, carmenmmundt and 59,491 others
ynusername: I always knew oscar was secretly boyfriend coded but damn having him look after me is making me fancy him all over again 🔥
12,056 comments
username25: i think i might've just fallen in love with him all over again too 😍
alexandrasaintmleux: make the most of all of the attention you're getting girl
ynusername: @/alexandrasaintmleux oh I am, he doesn't let me lift a finger 😘
username26: soft, doctor boyfriend oscar might just be my new favourite thing
charles_leclerc: if i see many more of these posts from you i might just need a sick bucket 🤮
username27: yn you really are the luckiest having this guy in your life
carlossainz55: i always knew he was a softie deep down 🥺
oscarpiastri: you know i'd do anything as long as it meant getting you better again
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri you're an angel in disguise i swear
username28: i'd break my leg too if it meant oscar piastri was there to look after me 😂
username29: it melts my heart to see how caring oscar has been over the past few weeks
danielricciardo: even i found myself getting a bit excited when i saw these photos yn
username30: everyone needs an oscar piastri in their life
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
ynusername posted two stories
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replies
landonorris: you're ruining oscar's image with every post you share these days 😂
oscarpiastri: there's nowhere else that I'd rather be
ynusername: we'll pretend you didn't complain that it wasn't race weekend first thing this morning shall we???
carmenmmundt: hope it's good news, lemme know how you get on!!
alex_albon: praying for you and hoping that it's the beginning of the end now 💕
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
danielricciardo: thinking of you guys, tell the doctor if he doesn't give you good news i'll break his leg 💞
ynusername: something tells me you might find a few challenges in doing that hahah
georgerussell63: you're so strong yn, just remember we love you
charles_leclerc: the whole family is hoping for good news for you and oscar ❤️
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 70,238 others
ynusername: the moment i've waited for for so long, back in my second home of the garage and back supporting my love during race weekend
14,592 comments
username31: make sure you keep taking care of yourself yn!! 💕
oscarpiastri: cannot begin to tell you how happy i am to have you back with me again ☺️
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri the best feeling in the world being able to cheer you on again
danielricciardo: ik just how much this means to you, welcome back to us yn
username32: it's so good to see you right back where you belong again
username33: it feels like you've never been away, I'm so happy for you guys 🥹
charles_leclerc: on the mend at last, i hope you know just how many people can't wait to welcome you back this weekend
username34: we love our favourite #81 fan 🧡
iamrebeccad: i am hurrying over to that mclaren garage as fast as i possibly can rn ‼️
username35: so happy to see you back on your feet and back with our favourite duo again
username36: this is the content we've been waiting for, it's so good to see you back
landonorris: as much as i hate having to share oscar again, it's a joy to have you back 🙃
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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foggysilverfeathers · 11 months ago
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Fake HC 10 dashboard mayhaps??
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☀️ pearlescent-post Follow
Reminder to love yourself! Smell the trees! Everything will be okay in the end 😊 ☀️
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nvm gem ran out of pickles im depressed again
🐟 gemstone Follow
I RESTOCKED THIS MORNING HOW HAVE YOU ALREADY SOLD ME OUT
☀️ pearlescent-post Follow
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1,930 notes
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🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow
day 126 without a mending book
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🚂 scars-axasqottles Follow
uM hey @.hpo-official could i ask why you havent' received my messages?/? Every calsl Ive made just puts me on holdd
⬜️ hpo-official-948204deactivated
Sorry about that, sir. Admin error. I'll speak to my manager.
🚂 scars-axasqottles Follow
...hELLO?
🌸 joel-beans Follow
lmao they deactivated what a loser
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Remember there's a person behind every poor worker! I see you bullies in the notes
🐟 gemstone Follow
@/mending-book-fanatic is a hermit permit office spy confirmed??
2,441 notes
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🌸 joel-beans Follow
Guys everyone agrees that purpur is cheap and beautiful and godlike and everyone should go buy it right now this second *sweats*
🌲 supreme-judge-bd Follow
I feel like I'm missing something...
🌸 joel-beans Follow
SHE HAS EYES EVERYWHERE BDUBS
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Joel!
🌸 joel-beans Follow
If I don’t respond within the hour assume she got me
133 notes
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🎩 symmetrical-minister Follow
anyone know a good shop for ethically-sourced wood?? i normally shop at big wood but ive heard things about a mafia :/
🪓 big-salmon Follow
That is absolutely NOT true!! If anything you should be targeting the crypto scheme at Big Wood,,
⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow
aaaand this is why you should never trust businessmen in red suits
🪓 big-salmon Follow
says the one compensating with a massive HOURGLASS of all things
🐍 puppet-master Follow
Actually @.big-salmon Xisuma_voyd made a really well-explained video here going into detail about all of the shady elements of Big Wood, it's worth a watch.
🐟 gemstone Follow
To answer the original question OP here are some safer (privately owned!) shops :)
Gem's Moss Shop (azaleas for sale which can be bonemealed)
Bdub's Bamboo Shop (bamboo wood is a good eco-friendly alternative to your typical spruce or oak)
The Purr-purr bus (if you're okay with having slightly more exotic trees, from the End)
Hope this helped! <3
⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow
Why would you pay diamonds for less when you could just pay a few grains of sand for the best quality wood in the shopping district? You people confuse me
🌲 supreme-judge-bd Follow
actually the Purr-purr bus isn't ethical at all!! ive heard they blackmail people into giving them sails!!!
🐟 gemstone Follow
*sales
🌲 supreme-judge-bd Follow
SHUDDUP
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:(
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🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow
day 131 without a mending book
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🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow
day 164 without a mending book
🐍 puppet-master Follow
Grian you know you can get free mending books at the cat cafe right
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it's not the same
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I need to be able to smell the breath of the sea between its sodden pages
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continue along the same path and you'll soon be facing villager unions
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🔥 tongo-tak Follow
Friendly reminder that not everyone wakes up at 2am, so please tag your Pearldle spoilers for at least a few hours!!
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skill issue tbh
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🇸🇪 death2diorite85 Follow
hallo how flirt with pretty girl time sensitive question
🌺 git-gorgeous Follow
sell them something
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bribe diamonds
🐍 puppet-master Follow
kill them
🇸🇪 death2diorite85 Follow
okay will do!!!!
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wait
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🐍 puppet-master Follow
Happy pride month to lgbtqia+ people of all ages, genders and sexualities, you're all so valid and so loved <3 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
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<3
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I'm making a rainbow beacon for pride, come look for it! i'll be with it by my husband @ renthedog's hole all week
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*HOLE
⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow
*HOME
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WAIT I ACCIDENTALLY TAGGED IT
🐾 renthedog Follow
um.
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🌸 joel-beans Follow
etho is just kakashi on maple syrup send post
🌸 joel-beans Follow
almost forgot to add important additional difference! etho is also obsessed with me
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blitzbuckz · 2 months ago
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【𐂃】 ❝ I know things won't go back t' how they were — we're not kids anymore. It's . . . forget it, its stupid. ❞ he trailed off, peering at his almost empty cup with sadden hues. Almost rendered completely mute until the mention of their father regained his engrossment. Scarlet hues dilating at her words, feeling utmost shock && solace with her recollection. her caring essence. figuring that part of her was long gone thanks to the heavy narcotics or his shitty pyromania mistakes.
❝ Well, yeah, it did made me feel "not good enough" for more than one occasion, but . . . I preferred it instead being kept away from Fizz. Hell, I wouldn't of gotten t' know Fizz more if he hadn't lot me up with him since we were kids. It was degrading but also lots of fun. Performing, let alone spendin' time with y' an' Fizz, meant so much t' me. ❞
Listening in to their 'booze keep away' game recollections — he couldn't help but to utter a suppressed chuckle. Loving her harsh proposition; how he yearned to do that right now. Granted, he still had a bit of fear engraved in his head thanks to the beatings he sustained long ago but — he still wanted to peeve his dad beyond comprehension for all the shit he made his family go through.
❝ No, the dipshit deserved t' have his cash stolen. He was fuckin' obsessed, fuck, it's his name for cryin' out loud. Also — I didn't say anythin' either but . . . he sold me off to the goetias t' steal from them. I was only a kid, so it's fuckin' karma if anything. ❞
At the mention of not comparing himself to Fizz && to solely focus on his company — had the Assassin sweating bullets. Unsure how to tell his sister that he && Fizz were . . . more closer now than ever. He did kept I.M.P running but, also, his focus . . . his heart remained with the jester.
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❝ AH, well, uhh — about that! y' see, I . . . might of . . . proposed some time ago, so Fizz an' I are . . . kinda engaged or somethin'. I.M.P is my business an' I won't be abandoning it anytime soon, but Fizz is in my life now. I'm so sorry I didn't say anything before! I really didn't know who to go to back then — about my feelings. I didn't wanna fuck shit up, in fact, I'm grateful I didn't end up blowin' it like last time. when I asked him to marry me. I . . . hope it doesn't weird ya' out. ❞
True, they were close when they were younger. Even Barbie could tell everything to Blitzø over their mom who may have known only fracture of the things she had thought or done. But so many things startedto change when they hit the magical teen age. It was weird to share a room with her twin, some stupid growing up stuff that happened Barbie had no one else to talk about than their mom. Seeing Blitzø having Fizz on his side was also something that created the little gap between the twins who were inseparable as younger age. Yes she also may have felt left out and a little bit jealous but again her twins happiness was something she cared more about than her own stuff she wanted to talk with him.
Now Barbie just had told her brother what she thought about all this. How it was stupid for him to ever compare himself on Fizz who was top of everyone when it came performing. Unfortunately Blitzø would never beat Fizz on this one, hell not even Barbie could get any close. Crossing arms over her chest, Barbie kept glaring angrily at her twin who seemed bit shocked for a second, of course for a reason. Her eye twitched a little when she noticed Blitzø getting bit more emotional over her rough love. Tightening her grip Barbie's brows furrowed as she looked elsewhere, listening Blitzø talk.
"Yeah well unfortunately everything always changes and it would be fucking weird if we were as close as we were back in the day. And dad is the shitty one here for ever making you and Fizz perform together like that, don't know what went through that sadistic fucks head..." Barbie said with a shake of her head. She really despised their old man now a days, even tho she did listen to his shit for so many years and got into robbing people because of him. Fucking twat saved his own ass from the fire not giving a fuck who was caught in there... such as Fizz and their mom.
At the last statement Barbie actually cleared her throat, trying not to look too amused. That game, she almost had forgotten all about it. "That was one hilarious shit tho. Can't deny it was funny to see him struggle of finding those bottles. We should have just poured the liquid on the ground rather than hide those from him" too bad as a kid who didn't know better this was the best they could have thought off. "It was worth of the laughter gotta admit that much..." she paused for a second.
"Well when you and Fizz were too busy of playing your weird shit you had going on. I did steal money from dad few times. I remember him almost turning the whole circus upside down... I should have said something but it was much more entertaining to see him almost go pop because of few missing bucks" Barbie needed some money whenever she went out with her new friends that got her into drugs the first place. Sure she would have robbed some poor soul, which she did, but also stealing money from their dad of all people was more rewarding. After him making his own kids doing the dirty work of stealing in the first place.
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"Serves him right.. also you STOP comparing your own talents on Fizz. You will never be anywhere as good as him, not even I could do that. Just focus on shit you are way better than he could ever be. Like your weird ass human killing business... not too many around here have balls to try anything except work for some royal cunts" see now she did give him some praises for all the work he has done. Yes, Barbie knew about Blitzø's business before they even met at human realm... the tv jingle had annoyed her so much she punched a television screen once. Still looking like she was angry as hell... Barbie actually hated this meet up less than she did a moment ago. It was sorta nice to talk with her twin even tho Barbie's harsh choice of words may indicate otherwise.
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hrrtshape · 1 month ago
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      what's it like to shift to hogwarts . .
   you wake up and the air is different. the walls listen. the staircases sigh. the portraits side-eye you like you’re late to something important. everything in this castle has an opinion and none of it is neutral.
                ﹐ 
magic is not delicate here. it is not polite. it does not arrive in neat little sparks or gentle whispers. it is sprawling, unapologetic, occasionally explosive. sometimes it leaks out of students who don’t mean to let it slip.
a charmed quill overcorrects and stabs itself into a desk, the ceiling in the great hall flickers when too many people feel too much at once.
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             ꒰͡⠀ the whole place is alive.⠀
the clothing situation is an absolute war between practicality and aesthetics. the official uniform is barely adhered to. people transfigure their robes to fit just right. tailored sleeves, shortened hems, personalised embroidery done in stolen midnight hours. ties loosened to near nonexistence. someone’s always in a jumper three sizes too big that they may or may not have stolen from someone else. socks pulled up to the knee or slouched just so. skirts rolled at the waist despite a professor’s glare.
ink stains on fingertips, smudged eyeliner from late nights, a rip in the robe that’s been lazily mended with a flick of the wand and a complete lack of precision. everyone looks like they’ve been running from something or towards something, and either way, they’re breathless and laughing about it.
the library is not a quiet place. it should be. it tries to be. but it’s more like an intellectual battleground. someone arguing about transfiguration theory in one corner, a clandestine tarot reading happening under the table in another.
books that whisper and groan when pulled from the shelves, an occasional enchanted paper aeroplane zipping past your ear.
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     the great hall is loud.
not just because of the chatter, but because the enchanted ceiling likes to eavesdrop.
thunderstorms happen when tempers flare. the candles flicker when someone tells a particularly good joke. it is its own universe. it can be warm and golden, all laughter and light, or it can be cold and watchful, the enchanted ceiling dark and storm-heavy, reflecting the tension that hums beneath the surface. the long tables are not just places to eat but places to scheme, to whisper, to plan, to exist in the eye of the hurricane that is being young and powerful and alive in a place that encourages it.
                  ┊
        the food is not just food. at least not really.
it is magic flexing just because it can. it arrives steaming, shimmering, piled high on platters like something straight out of a renaissance painting.
bread that is always warm, butter that melts just so. pies with crusts that flake at the mere thought of a fork. roasted meats dripping with juices, golden potatoes crisped to perfection, fruit that bursts between your teeth like it was plucked five seconds ago. and the sweets, god, the sweets. sugared, glazed, stuffed with creams and enchanted fillings that fizz or pop or cool your mouth like a winter morning.
you eat like a medieval prince who has never heard the word ‘calories’ in his life.
   the castle after dark. . . corridors stretch longer when you’re not supposed to be in them. the torches flicker unevenly, like they’re watching you. ghosts drift by, barely acknowledging you unless you interest them. and you? you are up to something. everyone is always up to something.
the professors have seen it all. they are exhausted by your antics before you’ve even had them. some lean into the chaos. others try (and fail) to impose order.
they know when you’re lying, when you’re pretending to understand an incantation you definitely don’t, and when you’ve stolen something from their office. they let it slide. sometimes.
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         ✶ the magic is in the details.
ink splattering across a parchment at the wrong moment, a self-writing quill getting a little too excited. portraits gossiping about what they saw last night. the way a potion bubbles more furiously when someone’s nervous.
the way your wand hums in your hand when something big is about to happen. the way the castle remembers you.
the air shifts with the seasons but always carries something extra. magic is not just something you do here. it is something you are. it lingers on your skin, sparks in your laughter, curls in your breath. you are not just a student.
autumn arrives and it smells like damp stone, burning wood, the tang of ink on fresh parchment, apples that crunch loud enough to echo.
winter is sharp and clear, the scent of pine and frost and something deeper, something old, magic that has settled into the very bones of the castle.
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   ⠀⠀ ₊༘ . the castle is both infinite and intimate.  it will give you a shortcut one day and trap you in a trick staircase the next.           the walls hum with old magic 𓂂 𓏹 ℘⠀
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the paintings whisper, the suits of armour creak, the very stone beneath your feet remembers. it’s a place that has existed for centuries and will exist for centuries more, but it knows you. it knows how you walk, how you cast, what makes your magic shiver in your veins. it will play favourites. it will have moods.
               it will love you, in its own way ,
the lake is not just a lake. it has seen things. it has kept secrets. the giant squid is the least of your concerns. the water is deep and dark and older than anything else on the grounds, and sometimes it moves when nothing should be moving. you swim in it anyway, because you are young and stupid and convinced nothing will ever truly hurt you. sometimes, the lake lets you be right.
you are a thread in something vast, in something breathing, in something that has existed before you and will exist long after you. but for now... for now, it is yours.
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ghoulphile · 1 year ago
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janey's dad | c.h./the ghoul | part 01
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➥ pairing | cooper howard/the ghoul x f!reader ➥ word count | 3.7k ➥ warning(s) | 🔞 smut; age gap, hair pulling, teasing, making out, mutual pining, lipstick kink, stockings, frottage, porn w/ feelings, porn w/ plot, mild angst w/ happy ending, divorced!coop, babysitter!reader, pre-war/bomb ➥ summary | “We really, uh, shouldn’t - oh fuck, you look --” ➥ notes | i'm so sorry this is later than it should be. i am unfortunately a corporate slave and this fic just did not want to cooperate 🫠 there are a lot more things planned and this fic is turning into a bit of a beast (20+ pages and counting rip lmao) so i've decided to split it into two parts to make it more manageable for myself mostly un-beta'd atm a special thanks to @corinthianism for all her lovely help ❤️!!
feel free to send in thots, questions, requests! | masterlist
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Divorce is hard, but being a divorcé is downright hellish.
One of the ugliest things in the world, if Cooper Howard has any say. At least when he was a Marine, they told him where to point his gun, where to aim; nameless threats vanishing with a quick squeeze of the trigger.
Here, these ‘enemies’ aren’t enemies — not really.
It’d be easier if they were.
Worse still, they have names he holds as dearly as his own. There’s Barb, whip smart and always so clever. Then Janey, the light of his life and so sweet his teeth ache.
Once upon a time, life was sweeter than apple pie on Sundays.
Then came the separation.
Afterwards, he finds it hard to look at what’s left of his family without losing breath like a horse kick to the chest. Their absence rips open a hole inside him ten miles wide, its edges jagged and wrong.
And when he can’t take the silence anymore, fingers of malt liquor help dull the ache, though it’ll never be enough to mend what’s broken.
See, war’s something he understands.
But these domestic battlefields where he sits across from his ex-wife while lawyers barter this weekend and that holiday?
How he struggles to meet his daughter’s eye every time she asks if he’s coming home?
When Barb keeps the house and the money while he keeps the scrapbooks and the dog?
He doesn’t — can't — refuses to comprehend.
Because in what world can you reconcile looking down the barrel of a smoking gun only to find the woman you love staring back, finger on the trigger? Left out to hang as Vault-Tec orchestrates his downfall.
The true depth of their involvement is unknown, but it’s no coincidence his bank accounts dried up faster than the Mojave in June. The ink still wet when the media snapped up the story of his failed marriage.
Thus, his reputation (rather what’s left of it) unraveled faster than a spool of thread.
Knocked on his ass and kept there by a boot heel crushing his windpipe. Whose? He hasn’t got a fucking clue.
But whoever they are, they’re making sure he stays a washed up nobody who struggles to land a call back, much less pay his monthly alimony on time.
See what we can do? You were America’s favorite gunslinger - now look at you. Mind your place.
Hell, millions used to scream his name.
Nowadays people whisper it behind their hands like a dirty secret, “Oh, did you hear? Cooper Howard…” as they dissect pieces of his life into bite-sized Before’s and After’s. “Hah! Serves him right. Y’know, I never liked him much.”
While he grits his teeth and swallows his bitterness with a smile, he hates how he can’t protect Janey from snide reporters and nosy strangers. Juggling actor-father-divorcé with fumbling hands.
It’s only been six months; a heartbeat, a lifetime, and already he’s scraped thin like butter over too much bread.
Something’s gotta give.
After all, he’s only one man.
But just when it's bleakest, the clouds part.
A young woman moves in next door, the first bright thing that’s come his way in a long, long while.
At first, he kept his distance.
Exchanged vague hello’s and how-are-you’s. Then Janey took a shine; always so friendly and eager to talk about her latest books.
Any reservations he might’ve had died when he saw how enamored you are with her.
Only made sense that over time small pleasantries turned into playdates. Then those playdates turned into sleepovers.
Before long, you’re watching her when a gig runs late.
Rustling up grub and tucking her into bed more often than not these days. And when he slinks in through the door, knees aching and stripped to the bone, there you are with a shy smile and a warm meal.
So what if he takes himself in hand after you leave, stroking his cock to the thought of you down on your knees in that pretty little sundress?
Imagines the wide stretch of your ruby lips as you swallow him down, lipstick smeared an awful mess?
Cums hard to the fantasy of your teary eyes and hiccupy breaths as you choke?
What you don’t know can’t hurt you.
After all, he’s a gentleman... he promises to keep his hands to himself.
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“All right, Sugar Bomb, it’s bedtime.”
Bundled in navy bedding up to her nose, Janey’s wide brown eyes peer up at you from beneath a riot of frizzy curls. Roosevelt, her ever faithful companion, plasters himself to her side. The tip of his tail swishes once, twice before falling limp.
“Ah, c’mon guys. Don’t look at me like that.” You sigh with a fond shake of the head, hip popping out to rest against the doorframe. “I don’t make the rules, I just follow ‘em.”
A muffled response sounds from the lump of little girl, “Nmfhm.”
Squinting, you dip your head and tap the side of your ear, "Pardon?"
“Mnhfmmmm.”
“Ye—eah… Didn’t catch that, Mumbler.”
Janey tugs down the blanket, her mouth pursed in a moue of displeasure. “I said,” she crosses her arms with a huff, “not until Dad gets home.”
Shit.
“M’sorry, baby. He’s still gonna be a while.” Walking across the room, you stop beside the bed and motion your hand back and forth. “Scooch over.”
Gangly limbs fumble as Janey wiggles into the middle of the mattress, her feet tangling in the blankets. Roosevelt takes a toe to the nose during the transition, but flops across her knees all the same.
Together they settle with a bounce of springs.
In the open space, you slide in.
The bed sinks under your weight, a plume of rich cologne tickling your nose; mint-spiced citrus. Cooper. Your stomach swoops, and your heart trips.
“I didn’t see him at breakfast — or lunch!” A pout tugs at her mouth. “Not even dinner. I gotta go home tomorrow. So when am I gonna see him?”
“Oh, bug.” You sigh, propping yourself up on your elbow. “Your dad’s been real busy at work. And I know that’s been hard for you, but I promise to make sure he’s here for breakfast tomorrow.”
“D’you mean it?” Her cold nose digs into your skin. “Me and Roosevelt miss him so much.”
Cuddled into your chest, Janey tosses an arm around your back. Her fuzzy head rests in the crook of your arm, springy curls tickling your skin.
You squeeze her tight and trace your fingertips over her forehead.
“I can do you one better,” you say, bopping the tip of her nose just to hear her giggle - a soft sound that sits warm and gooey in your chest. “I pinkie-promise.”
Her finger loops around yours, so small and fragile.
“I’ll even make pancakes. How’s that sound for a promise?”
“Oh, yes, please! I think Dad will like that,” a wide yawn cuts her off mid-sentence. “He’s sad, but he always smiles when you make food.”
Janey’s words — unexpected as they are sudden — cut so deep it steals the breath from your lungs. You flounder, your heart a throbbing bruise in your chest.
“... Then pancakes it is.”
As if nothing happened at all, she asks, “Do I have to go to bed now?”
“Afraid so, little miss.” Your responding chuckle sounds stilted even to your own ears. “Just you wait. When you wake up, Dad’ll be home.”
“Fi—ine, but I want extra pancakes.” Janey pauses, considers you with narrow eyes, then adds, “With syrup!”
“Whatever you want,” you say with an indulgent smile. “Now... time to sleep. It’s really past your bedtime.”
She gives you one last squeeze then lets you tuck her in nice and tight, blankets pulled up to her chin. You drop a kiss on her forehead while Roosevelt re-settles on the pillow beside her after a quick scratch behind the ears. 
Everything in order, you turn to go only for a little hand to stop you.
“Yes?” you reply, glancing at her from over your shoulder.
“... can you put on one of Dad's movies?”
The tremble in her voice - like she’s about to get scolded - breaks your heart clean down the middle. Stitching on a soft smile, you nod and walk to the darkened TV set in the room's corner.
After fiddling with the nobs, static flashes to life.
“The Man from Deadhorse okay?”
The holotape sliding into the track swallows the sound of her tiny “Yeah.” Starting up with a whirl of machinery, the second-hand Radiation King flickers to life in black-and-white.
A vast plain and bright sky stretches across the screen.
Then Sugarfoot creeps into frame with the one and only Cooper Howard sitting astride the noble steed. The sheriff’s badge on his chest glints in the sun.
“Thank you,” she mumbles, already half-way to sleep.
“Anything for you, baby. Sleep tight.”
Flicking off the lights, you leave the door cracked. Walk away pretending like hearing her whisper goodnight to the TV doesn’t lance through you like lightning.
The desire to whisk her into your arms and soothe all of her ails is almost impossible to ignore.
Somehow, you distract yourself by wiping up the table, then by fixing a plate of dinner for whenever Cooper rolls in. Though all the while, how brokenhearted Janey sounded sits in the back of your mind like a leaden weight.
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When Cooper stumbles into the living room, it’s half past midnight.
You’d gotten up to greet him, curled as you were in an armchair reading, when something about the stern line of his mouth gave you pause.
Where the usual lighthearted greetings lingered, a pensive stillness trembled to life.
Tension crackles through the air; a held breath of agitation. By the faraway gaze and defeated slump of his broad shoulders, it’s plain to see the night didn’t go as intended. And no matter how much you long to soothe, you can’t.
After all, he’s not yours to touch.
Instead, you offer a sympathetic smile and ask, “Rough night, huh?”
Cooper ignores the prompt, squeezing past with a brief touch to your elbow as he makes a beeline for the dry bar. The heat of his body is there and gone in a flash, his cologne teasing your senses. He says, “Thought you’d be asleep by now.”
Your heart flutters in your throat. “Ah,” you lick your lips, “well, I was going to finish my chapter first.”
Humming, he turns his back to you and fiddles with high balls and decanters. The tink of crystal glassware fills the air as he speculates which alcohol goes best with his mood. 
“Thanks again for watching Janey.” He nods in approval and fixes his whiskey neat. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
“Oh, it’s no trouble, Mr. Howard.” You shrug. “She’s a sweetheart.”
He shoots you a dry look from over his shoulder, stirring the dark amber of his drink with a forefinger. When he sucks his skin clean with a soft pop - a flash of a pink tongue taunting, teasing - your stomach swoops.
God, I wonder what else his mouth can do.
Flustered, you clear your throat and stare at a spot on the wall.
“How many times do I gotta tell you to call me Coop?” he says, digging through some drawers until he finds what he’s searching for: a lighter. “It must be a million and one by now.”
Flint sparks as flames jump, eating away at the end of a cigarette. Cooper inhales in short little puffs, pulling on the filter. His cheeks hollow, the shadows enhancing the cut of his jaw before the tip catches alight.
“Well,” he exhales, his gaze catching yours through a plume of smoke as he turns, brow raised. “Anything to say for yourself?”
“Old habits die hard, I guess,” you chuckle.
The corner of his mouth lifts in a lopsided smirk. “I’ll drink to that.” He knocks back the last finger of whiskey before refilling with gin.
Springs groan in protest when he drops to the couch, settling in with an outstretched arm and wide spread thighs.
“It’s been a long fucking day,” he rasps.
Gulping, you try to ignore the space at his feet.
The stirrings of desire provoked by the urge to sink to your knees and fill it with your body, to ease tension from those shoulders with your hands, your mouth, your cunt — if he’d let you.
“You heading home?” Nursing the fresh drink, he swallows a mouthful, only to hiss low through his teeth at the chemical burn. His throat bobs, framed by the open collar of his shirt. “Whew! Goddamn, that’s strong.”
“No, I can stay for a while.” A bird on a wire, you perch on the cushion beside him. “Got nothing else planned for tonight, anyhow.”
Cooper snorts. “I doubt that very much. A sweet young thing like you,” he motions towards you with his glass, “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of fellas calling, especially on a Friday night. Don’t waste your time with me.”
“That’s not why I--” you stop yourself short.
Save for the bustling LA avenue right outside the complex, the apartment itself is stone silent for several heartbeats. Words hover on the back of your tongue, catching in the bend of your throat molasses thick.
Meanwhile, Cooper continues to swirl the alcohol in his glass.
Maybe in a different life, you wouldn’t hesitate to express yourself.
But here — with him — you shouldn’t.
Christ sake, he’s a grieving divorcé, you chastise yourself. The last thing he needs is me trying to lay one on him.
When you speak, his name glides off your lips for the first time, clementine sweet, “... Cooper, I’m not wasting my time. I enjoy spending it with Janey - and you.”
“Well,” he husks, hooded eyes dragging down your visage in a slow once-over, “you’re the first one in a long while to feel that way, sweetheart.”
Dripping like honey whiskey from Cooper’s lips, the simple phrase burns its way down-down-down until it blooms like liquid fire in your belly. Warms you all the way to your toes as your heart pounds against your ribcage.
“I mean it.” Your knuckles twist in the pleats of your sundress, bolts of blue fabric bunched around your knees. “Everything I do is because I want to.”
The flash of red nails plucking at the sheer nylon of your stockings snaps up his attention, his gaze snagging - staying as he chases the curve of your exposed leg, hungry.
He wets his lips, and tenses his jaw when he spots how the soft fat of your thigh dimples in because of your garter. “That’s awful sweet of you to say.”
You tremble beneath the intensity of his attention.
Greedy.
Little kisses of awareness spark bright along the path his eyes carve like the caress of shy fingertips.
However, before you’re able to confront him about his interest, the heat leaches from his expression, grows mute and cold like a muzzled dog. 
Readjusting the waistband of his slacks with a tug, he says, “I know you got better things to do than keep an old man company.”
Irritation sparks. “Cooper--”
“If this is about paying you for tonight,” his lips quirk into a sheepish smile, “I won’t be able to yet.” He scrubs a hand through the stubble peppered along his jaw. “The gig tonight didn’t… Well, it doesn’t matter.”
“No, that’s not what I --”
He plows on, “Anyway, the one I’ve got tomorrow should be enough. How about I stop by around seven o’clock? I’ll treat you to dinner as an apology.”
Frustration bubbles beneath the surface of your skin, antagonism thrumming through your veins. Your hands shake almost as much as your voice. “Cooper!”
“I… uh, yes?” He blinks.
Your brows furrow. “You don’t get it,” you say. “I mean, you truly don’t know?”
“I’m afraid there’s a lot I don’t get. You’re gonna have to be more particular.”
Maybe not said in so many words (or at all) but actions speak far louder.
Otherwise, why else would you spend most of your time in his apartment, fill every spare moment with Janey, and reserve evenings for his company?
Hell, you even cook and clean!
Almost scream your interest from the rooftops, and it’s obvious to everyone but him, it seems.
Here you are thinking he was preserving your dignity whenever he ignored a passing comment or lingering touch when, in fact, he’d been oblivious to their existence to begin with.
How a man can be so obtuse when you’re throwing yourself at him is beyond you.
If he wasn’t so captivating…
“Are you kidding me,” you ask, mindful of your tone, “how could you not know?” You throw your hands in the air. “I’ve been — for months!”
“Well, I don’t have a goddamn clue what you’re talking about, sweetheart,” he snarks, setting his glass on the table. “Care to enlighten me?”
Fine. If that’s how he wants to play, let’s play.
When he moves to take another drag from his cigarette, you strike, fingers locking around his wrist mid-lift. And although his glassy eyes narrow, he keeps his hand still.
Waiting to see what you'll do.
Tucking your knee under you for balance, you bend forward and watch his face from beneath your lashes. When your lips wrap around the filter, a dark hunger bleeds into his expression, his pulse a steady thud against the pad of your thumb.
Inhaling, the cherry lights up, a flashbang in the dim overhead light.
Cooper’s breath hitches, and then you’re pulling away with a lungful of smoke; the taste of ash heavy on your tongue.
He tracks your movements with greed, gaze flicking for the briefest of moments past your chin before refocusing on the ring of red lipstick staining white paper.
“If you wanted one,” he chokes, gripping the back of the couch with white knuckles, “all you had to do was ask.”
With a coquettish grin, you exhale to the side and stare at him with hooded eyes. “Is that so?” Plucking the cigarette out of his limp hold, you stub it out in the ashtray. “What if I wanted to ask for something else, Mr. Howard?”
The next moment finds you deposited in his lap, his hands shooting out to grab at your waist only to freeze before they make contact.
“Woah! I--”
“Tell me something.”
Your lips caress the shell of his ear, sharing breath - sharing space as you plaster yourself to his front, arms looped over his shoulders. He jolts, body trembling with restraint.
“Would you give me what I wanted if I said please?”
The distance between you snaps taut with anticipation. “C-Coop,” he stutters. “Call me Coop.”
You hum. “Well, Coop, would you?”
“That depends almost entirely on what you’re asking for, sweetheart.”
Red nails skate along the back of his neck, play in the downy soft hair of his nape just to feel him shiver. And then you’re leaning back with your hands braced on his knees, your legs falling open in invitation.
The hem of your dress bunches around your waist, exposing the soft cotton of your underwear, and the darkened patch of slick soaking through.
“I think you know exactly what I want,” you purr. “Because you want it too. Don’t you?”
He bites down on a strangled moan when your hips arch forward, rocking the soft plush of your ass against the heavy weight of his thickening cock. The zipper digs into your skin as he tents the front of his slacks.
Mouth dropping open, his tongue flicks out to wet his lips - a slick circle of temptation that makes you clench. “I, uh, I don’t…”
Reaching between your splayed thighs, you hook a finger beneath your panties and pull the fabric aside. He jerks forward, exhaling hard at the flash of your soaked cunt and twitching clit.
“C’mon, be honest.”
With a sigh, you gather your arousal on the tips of your fingers.
Cooper’s gaze is a heavy weight pinning you in place as you pretend it’s him dragging his knuckles over the top of your mond. Him dragging calloused fingers up along sticky folds to play with your sensitive clit, ripping soft little mewls from your lips.
“Can’t you see what you do to me, Coop?” you say, pulling your hand away to show the webs of slick stretching between your fingers. “I’m so wet. Please, I’ve wanted you for so long…”
His hips rock against your ass in an aborted thrust. “Shit - shit!” Eyes slamming shut, he grits his teeth and digs his fingers into your sides hard enough to bruise. “We really, uh, shouldn’t - oh fuck, you look --”
“Why not?” Your hand brushes over his groin. “I can feel how hard you are.”
“It isn’t right, that’s why.” He stutters, stumbles over his words, “Besides, Janey…”
“I can be quiet,” you say, lips trembling. “I promise.”
“Goddamnit, you can’t say things like that and expect me not to --” Cutting himself off, strong fingers seize your chin and tilt until you’re met with Cooper’s severe expression, his scorching gaze. “You need to tell me now: are you sure this is what you want?”
There’s no hesitation, “Yes.”
In what world would you refuse?
The words barely pass your lips before Cooper’s bowing his dark head, mouth ravenous as it captures yours in a slick glide of bruising lips and hungry tongues.
He steals your breath, licks into your mouth and traces along the sensitive inside of your lip.
Pulse jump starting, your toes curl over the edge of the cushion and your thighs squeeze the barrel of his chest, kneecaps digging into his ribs.
“Oh,” a moan punches itself out of your throat - a breathy little thing swallowed up by his lips. “That’s--”
Anticipation swells, simmers between you like a band before it snaps. A strong forearm locks around your waist, tugging you into the cradle of his chest until you’re plastered from stem to stern.
Too hungry for tenderness as his free hand slips up to cup the back of your head, fingers catching in the briar of your hair and tugging at the roots.
You claw at his shoulders while sparks of pain ricochet down your neck, sufficing into a prickly flush that heats your blood. “Hnn, Cooper,” you gasp.
He murmurs your name through languid flicks of his tongue and sharp little nips of skin that leave your mouth tender and swollen. When he pulls away to survey his handiwork, his eyes are dark. Fathomless.
"I never thought I'd get the chance to kiss you like this," he says, wicking his thumb over the pillow of your bottom lip. "You taste as good as I imagined."
Dragging your nails across his scalp, you plead, “No more teasing - I can't take it.”
"Well," he grunts, fingers twisting up in your dress, “If that’s how you feel, then you better put those hips to good use and work for it, sweetheart."
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part 2 dropping soon
2K notes · View notes
haniette · 16 days ago
Text
grasping your love. // ln4
part one. || part two.
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pairing | lando norris x fem!reader
genre | angst, fluff, friends to lovers, childhood best friends au, hurt-comfort
word count | 11.7k
warnings | no use of y/n, heartbreak, emotional distress, themes of regret and longing, abandonment themes, low-key manipulation themes??, use of alcohol, cursing, crying.
inspired by: sydney rose - we hug now, conan gray - memories, the kid laroi - bleed
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summary: you told yourself you’d moved on. that you didn't care, and your heart had mended. but when he came back, all ruined and raw, you realized some hearts don’t forget who they were meant to beat for.
a/n: PART TWOOOOO!!!! as soon as i saw the requests for part two i started working on this, and actually, it turned out to be longer than i expected- OOPSIE but y'all.. writing this kinda broke me :,) i'm so happy that at least they got their happy ending </3 hope you'll enjoy !!
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The house was quiet. Too quiet. The kind of stillness that wraps itself around you, like the silence after a storm—where everything feels too calm, too heavy with unspoken words. You could hear the soft ticking of the clock in the hallway, the distant hum of the fridge, the muffled sound of your parents’ breathing in their room down the hall.
You padded across the hallway in thick socks, dressed in your oversized sleep shirt with sleeves tugged down over your fingers. The exhaustion from the day had settled into your bones, dull and familiar. You’d brushed your teeth, put your hair up, wiped the smeared mascara from under your eyes—and still, somehow, you felt heavy.
Not even tired. Just… drained. Hollow in a quiet way. The kind of tiredness that had nothing to do with sleep, but with the ache in your chest that had been there since that night.
The night when you sat under the stars, knees drawn to your chest. When he was crouching in front of you with that lopsided smile, and made you feel like you could hope again. 
The night you almost said it. The night he almost knew.
But after that night, there came the distance. Not cruel, not sharp, just drifting. Like smoke through fingers, like something slipping underwater.
And you were trying. Trying so hard to be okay with it. But god—you were exhausted. 
However, it wasn’t the physical kind of exhaustion. It was something deeper, a kind of tiredness that came from the emotional weight of trying to convince yourself that everything was fine, that things were normal. But every time you opened social media and saw Lando’s name, or caught a glimpse of him in the halls at school laughing with Olivia, leaning in close, his hand in hers, her lips on his cheek—it all felt like a cruel reminder that the world had moved on, and you hadn’t been included in it. You were stuck in a loop of saddness and regret.
When you reached your bedroom door, hand resting on the knob, a strange noise came from downstairs, making you stop mid-step.
Clink. 
You wanted to brush it off, taking for granted that it was just the wind, or the house creaking. But then it came again—the scrape of a drawer, the distinct sound of a cup hitting the counter, the slight clink of something being set down. 
You sucked in a breath, heart suddenly pounding in your chest. Your first thought? Someone broke in.
You tiptoed out of your room, pulse quickening, each creak of the floorboards beneath you feeling like an alarm bell. The hallway was dark, save for the faint glow of the nightlight near the stairs. You could hear the rustling louder now, the sound of something being knocked over, maybe.
A breathless moment of hesitation, then you flicked the light on, your hand trembling slightly. The glow of the kitchen illuminated the open doorway.
And there, leaning against the sink, was no one other than Lando himself. A glass of water in his hand, his back hunched slightly like he’d been holding up too much weight for too long.
When his eyes set on you, he blinked a few times like he wasn’t sure if you were real or if he was dreaming you up.
Your heart dropped into your stomach. “Lando… what the hell are you doing here?” You blurted out, your voice far sharper than you intended. “It’s fucking one in the morning! You scared the shit out of me.”
He observed you, eyes bleary, and half-lidded. He didn’t seem surprised—just tired. His lips curled up slightly, almost forming a smile, but also an apology. 
Your chest tightened at that sight. “You broke into my house?” You said with your voice trembling, not from fear anymore, but from confusion. Anger. Sadness. Everything at once.
He didn’t seem bothered by your accusation. Instead, he just shrugged, “The key,” Lando muttered. “Was still under the orange flower pot.”
That flower pot. The one your mom had left by the doors years ago. The one he used to hide candy under for you in middle school. The one that had, unknowingly, never switched places.
You stepped closer, the light casting his figure in sharper detail. His hair was a mess—curls flattened on one side, wild on the other, like he’d run his hands through it over and over. His shirt was wrinkled, untucked, stained slightly with something you didn’t care to identify. And his eyes—god, his eyes. Always so bright and beautiful, in that aquamarine color, but now bloodshot, tired and wrecked.
You blinked, still trying to process what was happening, what had led him to your kitchen at this hour. “Lando, what happened?” You took a step closer. 
Your anger melted into something else—worry, and concern. You had never seen him like this. Drunk, disoriented. Not even the usual playful charm he wore like armor.
Your heart clenched at the sight. What happened to him?
“Lando… what’s going on? Why aren’t you with Olivia?” Saying her name left a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.
But he didn’t answer. Instead, he shifted, like his knees had given out. Slowly, he slid down the cabinets until he hit the floor, back against the drawers, legs stretched out carelessly. 
You panicked for a second as he looked pale, dizzy, and lost. “Lan— hey.. are you okay?” You crouched beside him instinctively, heart pounding. 
Then he slumped into you without warning. His head fell to your shoulder, the warmth of his skin pressing into yours. And for a long, drawn-out moment, you just let him rest there. His breath was slow, ragged, like he had been running a marathon, like he had been fighting something for a long time. 
But all of it—the tension, the pain, the confusion—had finally spilled over in this one vulnerable moment. 
Lando sighed against your collarbone. “M’tired.” His hot breath tickled your skin, making you shiver at the sound of his voice.
And you stayed like that. There, on the kitchen floor. Tiles cold beneath your legs, your body stiff beside his slumped frame while letting the boy rest on your shoulder. The silence settled again, but heavier now, thick with questions you didn’t know how to ask.
His breath was slow and warm where it met your neck. You stared ahead at the fridge, heart unraveling in your chest.
This was still Lando. Your Lando.
The boy who used to throw pebbles at your window at 2 a.m. just to see if you wanted to go stargazing. The boy who once tried to braid your hair in sixth grade and ended up tying it in a knot. The boy who almost said he loved you once—and you didn’t hear it in time.
And now he was here, on your kitchen floor. 
“I don’t wanna leave you.” Lando mumbled, his words barely audible, his voice thick and muffled against the fabric of your shirt.
Your breath caught in your throat. “What?”
But he didn’t repeat it. He just exhaled like he’d been holding that in for years. Like that sentence had broken out of him by accident, cracked through whatever wall he’d built around himself.
You held him there, on the cold kitchen floor, unsure of what to do with his confession. Your heart pulsed violently in your chest, because what did he mean? Did he mean tonight? Or forever?
Why wasn’t he with Olivia? Why wasn’t she the one holding him now? Why did he come here like you were still his safe place?
But you didn’t ask, not knowing how. You just sat there with him—shoulder to shoulder, breathing in the same air, memories thick in the space between you.
But the weight of his presence, of him leaning into you, of him saying those words that you didn’t know what to do with, was unbearable. And it broke something inside you. Something that you hadn’t realized was still holding on.
You closed your eyes, the tears threatening to spill again. You didn’t know what you wanted from him—or from yourself. You just held him. You held him because you couldn’t let him go. Not yet. Not when he was still here.
And you didn’t know it yet, but that moment would stay burned into you—into your soul. 
Days after the kitchen night, the silence between you and Lando grew so thick you could feel it pressing against your skin. You thought maybe he’d text. Apologize. Mention what he said. Explain this whole situation. 
But he didn’t.
And so, you convinced yourself that it was a mistake—drunken words said in a foggy haze. Words meant for the moment, and not especially for you.
Still, you couldn’t forget the way his head had rested on your shoulder, like he belonged there. You couldn’t unhear the slurred, soft-spoken “I don’t want to leave you.” Those six words looped in your head like a broken record. 
Were they meant to be comforting? A warning? A confession?
But even worse than that was how everything returned to normal or, at least, seemed to.
You stopped bumping into him at school. He stopped showing up in the group chat. 
Olivia posted more often now—the two of them posing in bookstores, going to brunch, prepping for their “future.” She seemed so perfect on his arm, so carefully curated. Their relationship was like a photo in a museum: admired by everyone, but no one really understood it.
And you—you felt like a visitor. A stranger peering into a life you used to be a part of. You didn’t go to the group hangout in the woods. You skipped the movie night that once used to be your thing. Your friends texted, called, asked where you were. But you always had an excuse: studying, babysitting your cousin, or just being tired. 
Anything but the truth.
The truth was that it hurt to exist in a space where Lando no longer looked for you. Even when you did see him, it was… different. He was quieter, more distracted by being new version of him. He even laughed less than he usually would when he was around you. He didn’t hold eye contact like he used to—not the way he did when it was just you two in the corner of a room, stealing glances across dinner tables or hiding giggles behind shared inside jokes.
It was like watching a star dim slowly, day by day, losing its uniqueness.
You’d pass each other in the halls sometimes. There was a flicker in his eyes—like maybe he wanted to say something, even the smallest thing. But the moment always passed and you’d look away first, because it felt safer that way.
One afternoon, you found yourself sitting by the window, the same one you both used to lean against when you studied together. The sky outside was soft and grey, and the silence in the room felt like it was screaming at you.
You clutched your phone in your hand, screen still open on the last video you ever took together—blurry, spontaneous, just you two laughing over some dumb joke, your laughs loud and vibrant. You looked at your smile in it, and how easy it had been to smile with him. How full you had felt back then.
But then came a new notification. A tagged photo on Olivia’s Instagram.
“Couldn’t be happier to start this chapter with you. Amsterdam, here we come <3”
The picture was beautiful, in that staged kind of way. Lando kissing her cheek, his arm around her waist as she held her passport and their tickets. The luggage was behind them, and departure gate in the background.
You blinked once. Twice. Then your chest caved in.
He hadn’t told you. Again. But this time he hadn’t even said goodbye.
There had been no message, no last knock on the door, no final look.
The disbelief washed over you in waves. First it was confusion, then came the bitterness. And then that slow, aching pain—like someone had reached inside and quietly rewired your heart. And it would knock the breath out of you, because suddenly it would make sense.
“I don’t wanna leave you.”
But he did. And he was already gone, taking his future with Olivia, leaving you with nothing but the words he’d whispered to you on that kitchen floor. Words you still didn’t understand, but somehow knew were real.
────୨ৎ────
The airport was too bright.
Everything felt like it was glowing under harsh, white light—the floors, the departure signs, the rows of metal benches where people sat with neck pillows, their luggage beside them, and some even taking a nap. 
Lando could hear Olivia's voice next to him, cheerful and animated, chatting with her mum as they went over last-minute plans. He smiled, or at least tried to, but it didn’t feel right on his face. It didn’t stick.
He stood a little outside of it all—just off to the side of the check-in area, surrounded by people but entirely elsewhere. His eyes kept drifting toward the entrance doors. Every few seconds, his gaze flicked there—searching.
It had been weeks since that night. The kitchen. The water. Your shoulder. The words he wasn’t supposed to say out loud. 
You hadn’t texted him since. Not even once. He had tried writing a couple of short, awkward messages but he always changed his mind, immediately deleting them. 
And yet, some stupid, desperate part of him believed you’d still come.
Maybe you’d rush in, sleeves of your favourite hoodie pulled up your arms, out of breath, pretending you just happened to be nearby. Maybe you’d roll your eyes and mutter something like “figured you’d want a dramatic send-off, loser.”
He would’ve smiled, laughed even. He would’ve known what you meant. So he kept looking. Every flash of the color which your favourite hoodie had. Every girl which walked a little too fast through the crowd. His stomach turned every time he thought—that might be you.
But it never was.
“Boarding group A, you’re now welcome at gate 27.”
The announcement echoed through the terminal. Olivia squeezed his hand, excited, practically buzzing with it. “Ready?” She asked, sending him a warm smile. Lando nodded, but his eyes were still locked on the doors. Still waiting, hoping, hurting.
Olivia tugged his hand gently, and he looked one last time, but you weren’t there. It felt like something inside his chest folded in on itself.
────୨ৎ────
The house was quiet. Your parents were already gone for the day, hanging out with their friends which came to your city. The sun was filtering in through the curtains, soft and golden.
You were still in bed. Blankets pulled up to your chin, phone in your hand, screen dark. You hadn’t looked at his Instagram story. Not yet. Seeing Olivia’s post was enough for you.
You didn’t want to see the gate, again. The luggage. Olivia’s arm looped through his. You didn’t want confirmation that this was real. That he was really leaving. That he was no longer just not here, but truly, physically and emotionally gone.
Your chest ached with the weight of everything unsaid. And now you laid in your bed, curled under your blanket, breathing through the quiet kind of grief that doesn’t come with sobs or screams—just this low, constant ache in your chest. Like your ribs were too tight. Like your heart was trying to remember how to exist without him.
You stared at the ceiling—eyes wide, dry. You weren’t crying, you just felt… hollow.
Somewhere in a crowded airport, Lando was still looking for you in a sea of people. But now it was too late. 
He had left. And you had let him.
────୨ৎ────
a few months later
The sky hadn’t been blue in weeks. Months.
Every day carried a quiet grayness, like the world had slipped into a version of itself that was somehow dimmer—dull and breathless. The leaves had started to curl at the edges, the sun set earlier now, and everything seemed to echo more, especially the silence in your chest.
You didn’t realize how much you had gotten used to him being part of your days until the days went on without him. Not suddenly—not like a door slammed shut, but like a faucet that dripped until the sink overflowed. Now, the drip was gone, the tap turned off. But you were still soaked in the memories.
He was gone. And you hated how easily everyone had accepted it.
It was late afternoon, the kind of cloudy-gray sky that made everything look softer, like the world had been rubbed with a layer of dust. You sat outside the library, on that same bench tucked beneath the skeletal arms of a tree that had long since shed its leaves. The wind moved gently through the branches, dry and cool, like fingers brushing against your skin, but you barely even felt it.
Your textbook lay open in your lap, untouched. You weren’t reading—you hadn’t been reading for a while. You were just… sitting. Existing. Or something like it.
Students moved past in waves—laughing, talking, balancing coffees in one hand and phones in the other. Their lives felt fast, full, like they were already becoming something. Moving forward, getting somewhere. But you? You felt stuck in the same still frame, like time had stretched out for you but kept moving for everyone else.
Your phone buzzed once in your pocket. You didn’t reach for it. You already knew it wouldn’t be him.
It hadn’t been him in months.
Lando was gone. Not just in the physical way—though yes, he was hundreds of miles away in Amsterdam, probably stretched out in a dorm bed beside someone who wasn’t you. But he was also gone in the invisible, intimate, excruciating way. In the way someone disappears from your days, not all at once, but in pieces. One text not sent, one weekend not spent together, one secret not shared until all that’s left is pure silence.
You saw all the stories, posts, sunlit selfies. Blurry party photos, Olivia’s cherry gloss smudged on his cheek, and his hand around her waist like it belonged there. His smile—it looked so familiar, yet no longer yours.
He had everything he had ever wanted.
A new city. A new life. A new girl.
And you were still here, feeling as if you’re basically wasting your time. Staring at the same sidewalk cracks, listening to the same sad songs and playing the same night in your head—the one where you almost told him everything. The one where he looked at you like you were the only person in the universe, only to walk away and give his world to someone else.
Sometimes, in quiet moments, you thought back to that night in your kitchen. When he showed up drunk, lost, whispering he didn’t want to leave you. You hadn’t understood what he meant back then. Not fully. Maybe you didn’t want to, but now, in the echo of his absence, it haunted you.
It wasn’t even the relationship that hurt the most. It was the way it all disappeared—like you had never mattered, never been chosen, never been even considered.
You remembered finding out about him and Olivia. You didn’t sleep that night. You just lay there, eyes burning, heart breaking in this small, quiet, invisible way—where you weren’t allowed to scream or sob or say this isn’t fair because technically, nothing had been promised. 
But it had felt like a promise. Hadn’t it?
In the shared glances, in the laughter, in the way he used to text you when something dumb happened and say you were the first person he thought of. In the memory of him crouching in front of you at the party, brushing a tear from your cheek and saying he missed you.
Damn. Had you been that easy to forget?
Now, months later, you still carried that grief, that quiet ache but one else really noticed it. You’d gotten good at pretending—at laughing when you were supposed to, convincing that everything was great when people asked about school, often responding “yeah, I’m okay” with just the right smile to convince them.
But deep down, you were stuck, you couldn’t move on, and that’s what scared you the most. Because he had already moved on. 
His heart had mended so quickly, while yours was still bleeding. 
You saw it every time you opened Instagram. The way he glowed in those photos, new hair suiting him so goddamn good, looking like nothing ever haunted him. Like you had never haunted him. Like the version of himself that only existed when he was with you had vanished—as if it never mattered in the first place.
And yet you still remembered.
You remembered the time he fell asleep with his head on your lap, mumbling half-dreamed thoughts about how safe he felt with you. The time you screamed the lyrics of your favourite songs in your room, both of you out of breath from laughing too hard. The moment, months ago, when he almost confessed—voice low, eyes soft, something hidden in the way he touched your hand. But you had brushed it off. Laughed, and teased him about it, not taking him seriously because back then you hadn’t known. 
You hadn’t realized, and now it was too late.
It wasn’t fair, how one person could move on and build a life, while the other lived with an ending that never truly ended.
You looked up from your textbook and blinked into the gray sky. Your chest ached—dull and constant. It had become part of you now, the same way a scar settles into skin.
Sometimes, you wondered if he ever missed you. If he ever thought back to the version of his life that included you. But you knew the truth. For him, it was just something that happened. Something small. But for you? It was everything. And it felt like the world ended when it did.
Some mornings, you stared at your phone for too long. You’d open your messages and scroll to his name, only to lock your screen again. His contact was still saved—still with the dumb nickname he’d given himself when you finally saved his number. Still with the photo of him pulling a face, mid-laugh, cheeks pink from the cold. You couldn’t bring yourself to change or delete it because deleting it would make it all real, and you weren’t ready for that.
You still carried all of the conversations in your head. Those little ones, and stupid ones. Like what he would say if he saw you after going to the hairstylist, how he’d tease you for the playlist you’d made for studying or how he’d groan dramatically about missing your mom’s cooking if he walked through your front door again.
You still remembered the way it all slipped. The last few months of high school had felt like they were lined with fog—slow, delicate, full of things unsaid. You had started keeping your emotions in a box, tucking them beneath small smiles and empty reassurances. You didn’t want to be a weight on his shoulders, didn’t want to make things harder. And most importantly, you didn’t want to lose him by telling him how much you needed him to stay. But you lost him anyway.
When you got to know that he was going to university with Olivia, it felt like your heart had been held above a flame. Slowly, gently burning. 
He had made his choice, and it hadn’t been you.
You never told anyone how much that night broke you. How you cried in the shower with your hand pressed over your mouth, not to muffle the sobs, but to hold yourself together. You didn’t want anyone to know that you’d fallen apart over someone who, to the outside world, had never been yours to begin with. 
But he had been yours. In the stolen glances, in the late-night conversations, in the inside jokes that no one else understood. He had been yours in every way that mattered—until he wasn’t.
Now, time was moving without him. He was off in a new city—Amsterdam, with new friends, new routines and new loves. And you? You were left behind with the echoes. 
You never told him how often you still wore the hoodie he left at your place after one of many movie nights. Or how your chest still clenched every time you passed his old house, how sometimes you swore you could hear his laugh in the crowd, only to remember he wasn’t here anymore. The worst part? No one knew you were still grieving. Because you decided to just smile through it as it had never been said what you two were. 
Some days, the sadness came in small waves—manageable, dull, like a bruise. Other days, however, it felt catastrophic, like you were drowning in everything unsaid. Everything he’d taken with him, everything he’d left behind.
You wondered—deeply, painfully—if he thought of you at all. If there were nights when he missed your voice, if he ever wished, even just for a second, that he’d done it all differently.
But you didn’t ask, you didn’t reach out because if he had wanted to stay he would’ve.
Right?
And yet, even now, all this time later, with the silence between you stretching wider and wider from one day to another, you still dreamed of him sometimes. Still woke up with tears on your pillow and his name lodged somewhere in your throat. Still felt like he was right at your fingertips. 
Close enough to remember, but too far to touch.
────୨ৎ────
Amsterdam had been covered with heavy, dark rain clouds for a week now. Thin, cold rain that didn’t fall in sheets, but misted the air like grief that never stopped clinging. The kind that soaked into the seams of your hoodie and stuck to your eyelashes. 
He’d been in this city for eight months now. Everything should’ve felt like a new chapter. Everything should’ve felt like the freedom he once craved — the escape he told himself he needed. Instead, he felt… off. Out of place in his own life. Like he had walked onto someone else’s path and didn’t know how to find his way back. 
He had new friends here, a schedule, a routine, a girlfriend. He even made sure to decorate his room with little posters, like you once told him to. But even then—even with those pieces of color and personality—it felt hollow. He felt hollow. Olivia filled the space beside him, but not within him. That space had been carved out slowly, over the last year. And it hadn’t been carved for her. It had been carved for you.
Lando hadn’t been able to sleep properly in weeks. His room was too clean, too beige. He missed the cute mugs you used for drinking tea with him and the way your socks never matched. He even missed the ridiculous alarm tone you used—that one song you claimed was the only thing aggressive enough to get you out of bed. Now his alarm was Olivia. Waking him up with a practiced kiss to the cheek and a to-do list for the day already in her hand. Organized and efficient, but distant.
She always smelled expensive and her hair was always perfect. Her perfume clung to his hoodies now, replacing the faint vanilla and lavender scent that used to make his chest clench unexpectedly. She fit the picture—but not the frame.
He didn’t notice how much he was unraveling until he stopped recognizing himself. Everything he said felt like a script, everything he did felt like it was on autopilot. He went to class., he sat through lectures, then he answered Olivia’s questions, and he smiled when he was supposed to smile.
But it wasn’t him. It wasn’t the Lando he had been all his life, this was a new, artificial version of him. He’d laugh at something someone said at a party, and the sound would feel different. He’d catch himself zoning out at lunch, his eyes drawn to things that reminded him of home—a chipped tile, a girl wearing her hair like you used to, the specific color of a hoodie like the one you always borrowed from him. It has never stopped.
You were a ghost that followed him everywhere, not haunting him maliciously—but softly, and quietly. Just present enough to hurt.
And every time Olivia asked him what was wrong, he’d lie.
“Nothing. Just tired.”
“I’m fine.”
“It’s just adjusting to a new place, that’s all.”
Sometimes, when Olivia was out late with her friends, he’d sit on the cold tile floor of the kitchen—like he had that night in your kitchen, and he’d let the silence settle.
He remembered what he said to you, slumped against the cabinets, head spinning, your shoulder warm beneath him. At the time, he hadn’t fully understood what that meant. But now? Now he did because he had left, and it had ruined him.
He checked his phone before the flight, over and over. Desperately hoping for a message. One of your typical, low-effort, high-meaning texts:
“Don’t forget your passport, idiot.” or “You’re gonna do great, Lan.”
But it never came.
He’d hoped—selfishly—that you’d come say goodbye. That you’d be there at the airport, even if just standing in the back. That maybe, just maybe, you’d catch his hand, say something like “Stay.” But you didn’t.
He’d looked for you anyway. Chest tight, heart racing, his eyes scanning the faces of every person who showed up to send him off. Laughing, hugging, cheering. But not you. And in that moment, he felt something twist deep in his chest—a mix of guilt and disbelief. Because even after everything… some part of him truly believed you’d be there. You always were, until now.
And something inside him snapped quietly in that moment. Like a string too tight for too long finally giving way.
She didn’t come.
She didn’t come.
She didn’t come.
She didn’t—
Lando never deleted your messages. He couldn’t. They were still there, buried deep in the chat log. All those late-night voice notes, the blurry selfies, the playlists you made, the “tell me you got home safe, idiot” texts. Now they sat untouched, blue and gray bubbles frozen in time.
One night, he tapped on one of your voice notes and hit play, and your voice filled the room. It broke him. He sank to the floor—knees pulled to his chest, face in his hands—and cried. Really cried. Not the frustrated kind, or the angry kind, but the kind that came from loss. From deep, heavy regret because now, with the noise of this new life screaming around him, he realized how quiet you had been when you left.
You didn’t beg, you didn’t argue. You didn’t even try to convince him to stay. You simply stepped back, and he let you.
Everything with Olivia started to rot after that. Not all at once—but slowly. He stopped laughing at her jokes, she started noticing how distant he’d become, they argued more. She asked why he wouldn’t touch her like he used to, why he stayed up late when she went to bed. Why didn't he try. He didn’t have an answer she wanted to hear. Because the truth was that he was still in love with someone else. And he’d left her behind.
He tried. God, he tried. Olivia was everything on paper—beautiful, perfect body, intelligent, well-spoken. She had a plan for her future, a five-year vision board, a curated Spotify playlist for every mood. But she didn’t know how to read his silences like you did.
She didn’t call him out when he was spiraling in his thoughts, having anxiety attacks. She didn’t remember how he hated fish or how he picked at the skin on his thumb when he was overthinking. She didn’t feel like home, and over time, he stopped trying to force it. He stopped texting her when he stayed on campus later than planned, he started noticing how tight her grip was on his arm, how her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes when he mentioned your name—which he always did by accident.
You had a way of slipping into his sentences, even when he wasn’t trying.
“Oh yeah, she always said that movie was mint!”
“We used to listen to this song in the summer.”
Each time, Olivia would go quiet, and Lando would pretend he didn’t notice—but he did.
He just didn’t know how to stop it.
The nights were the worst. When the city noise finally died, and all that was left was the glow of streetlights bleeding through the blinds. He’d lie awake, the bed too big, the air too thin, your voice still echoing faintly in the back of his mind. 
It wasn’t even the last time he saw you that haunted him—not really. It was everything before that. The look in your eyes when you told him you were fine, the way you nodded, even though your voice cracked. The way you smiled for him even while your heart broke quietly behind your ribs.
He’d never forget the weight of your head on his shoulder in that quiet kitchen. The warmth of your presence, the familiar rhythm of your breathing, the silence between you that somehow said everything he wasn’t brave enough to. You just let him rest there, drowning in the alcohol, the ache, and the guilt.
Lando has thought about messaging you so many times. Late at night, early in the morning, after a fight with Olivia, after a dream that felt too real. He even typed out a few drafts, but he always deleted them because it felt too selfish. Because what right did he have to pull you back when he was the one who walked away?
So instead, he stayed silent—and hoped you’d reach out first. Yet days passed, and you didn’t.
He scrolled through your Instagram more often than he wanted to admit. You’d changed your profile picture, and even cut your hair shorter. You posted photos with friends, laughing in golden sunlight, and yet your eyes still carried something heavy, something distant. He zoomed in on one photo once, just to make sure he wasn’t imagining it—that slight sadness you always tried to hide behind your smile.
You looked okay. But not happy. And it wrecked him to know that he was probably the reason why.
At the four-month mark, he started skipping more classes, stayed in bed longer and let his favorite lego sets collect dust. Olivia noticed, of course, but she didn’t ask the right questions—and even if she had, he wouldn’t have told the truth. Because the truth was simple and devastating: he missed you more than he ever thought possible. Not just in the romantic sense—but existentially. Like something about his very being had gone numb without you there to ground him, like he couldn’t find the version of himself he liked anymore. The version who laughed too loudly, who stayed up late talking about nothing, who said stupid things just to make you roll your eyes and smile.
He felt like a stranger to himself, and the more he tried to fit into this new life, the more he realized he didn’t belong here.
He hadn’t told Olivia yet about the truth of what he was feeling. About the growing distance in his chest every time she kissed him. About how every time he said “I love you,” it felt like a lie wrapped in an apology. He couldn’t look at her without thinking about how he got here. And how he should’ve never left you behind.
────୨ৎ────
The apartment was dim, lit only by the blue glare of a paused movie screen and the glow of Olivia’s phone. Outside, the city murmured its usual midnight song—distant traffic, wind brushing windows, occasional laughter from people who still had somewhere to be.
However, inside, it was dead quiet.
Lando sat slouched on the far end of the couch, elbows on his knees, thumb pressed hard into the side of his temple. His jaw ached from clenching. He’d been this way for the past hour—motionless, burning silently. 
Olivia didn’t notice. Or maybe she did, but chose not to care. Her legs were tucked beneath her, wrapped in that gray blanket she bought when they were picking things for the apartment. She scrolled on her phone, her thumb moving in slow flicks, laughter bubbling from her lips every now and then at something on her screen. 
It didn’t even feel like they were in the same room. 
“You’re really not gonna talk again tonight?” She finally said, not even looking at him, too busy replying to someone on Instagram.
He blinked slowly, taking a deep breath. “There’s nothing to say.”
Her eyes snapped to him. “That’s bullshit, Lan. You’ve been weird for weeks.” She tilted her head, getting a better look at him. Lando opened his mouth, then closed it, exhaling through his nose.
“Is this about college?” She asked, more pointed now. “Or is this about her?” He stiffened at her last words. 
There it was—the unspoken name, hanging in the air like a match above gasoline.
“Of course it is,” She scoffed, throwing her phone down. “You’ve been floating since we got here. You barely try anymore. Like your body’s here, but your head’s somewhere else—always looking back to Bristol. You need to understand that this city and every memory that is connected with it is already long gone.”
He looked at her, and for the first time in a long time, really looked—and didn’t recognize the person staring back. She wasn’t the Olivia he had first met, full of ambition and spontaneous affection. She was different now. Controlled, and expectant. Like she wanted to mold him into someone else. 
How could he forget about Bristol, about you?
“Because I don’t feel like myself anymore, Liv!” Lando finally snapped, voice sharp, loud and desperate. “I don’t even know who the fuck I am when I’m with you.”
Olivia’s eyes narrowed, “Wow,” She snickered, voice trembling with disbelief. “That’s a shitty thing to say to the person who moved hundreds of kilometers to a foreign country with you.”
“No. You moved here,” He snapped, his voice finally rising. “And I just followed. I followed after you here because I thought that maybe it would fix whatever I was feeling. But it didn’t. It just made it worse.”
Her mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. She blinked a few times before finally letting out a scoff and replying, “Okay, so this is my fault, huh?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Bullshit!” She stood now, the blanket falling off her lap. “You’ve been checked out for months. Is this really about her, Lando? Just say it. Have balls and say it, straight to my face, that this is true.”
Lando’s chest tightened. He ran a hand through his curls, pacing in quick, tight circles. He could feel the frustration building in his throat, like it was choking him. 
“I haven’t spoken to her in months, Olivia.”
“But you still think about her. I see it on your face every time we walk past something that reminds you of home. Every time someone says her name. You go quiet, and get lost in your little, stupid head again, overthinking everything.”
Her words landed like a punch in the stomach. He stopped pacing, his back was turned to her. Softly, he answered, “Maybe I am.”
The silence that followed was deafening. Her breath hitched, hands trembling, knotted into fists.
“You’re such a coward, Lando,” She whispered in disbelief. “You couldn’t even admit you loved her. You just kept pretending, and now that this life isn’t perfect, you want to run back like a scared little boy.”
He turned around, eyes shining now, but not from tears. From fury. “I never wanted this life, can’t you understand it?!” He shouted, gripping his fists tightly, his nails digging deeply into the skin of his hand. “You planned it all out and I just… I went along. I left my family, my best friend, my home. I thought I could make it work, but I can’t. I don’t even know who I am anymore, Olivia.”
“So what now?” She spat, a non-chalant grimace visible on her face. “You’re gonna crawl back and expect her to just be waiting for you with open arms? Like none of this happened? Pretend like you didn’t break her heart too?”
That brought him to a halt. He hadn’t let himself think of it that way—how much damage he might’ve caused. How you had stayed quiet while he disappeared into someone else’s world. 
Lando felt sick.
“I don’t know what she’ll say,” He admitted, softer now. “But I can’t keep doing this. Not when I feel like I’ve lost everything that made me who I was.”
Olivia stared at him for a long time. Then, her expression hardened. “Then go. And don’t bother coming back.” She added coldly.
“I wasn’t planning to.”
“Go ahead. Pack all of your shit, dickhead. Go chase your fucking dream girl. Just don’t expect me to wait around while you figure out who you are.”
He nodded once, jaw tight, eyes stinging. “I wouldn’t even ask you to.”
And just like that, he turned around and walked into their shared bedroom. He pulled out the old bag from under the bed—the one with his initials stitched into the side from when he was sixteen. It hadn’t been touched in months.
He threw in clothes without thinking. Chargers. Toothbrush. Photo strip he’d once tucked into a side pocket—the one with the two of you, silly grins and bright eyes, back when life had been simple. With all the necessary things, he zipped the bag up, slung it over his shoulder, and stepped back into the living room.
When he came back out, Olivia stood there, arms crossed over her chest, tears in her angry eyes. She was bitter, not even trying to stop him. 
“Lando.” She called him one last time, and he turned to look at her for the last time. “You’ll regret this,” She continued, voice low and furious. “She won’t take you back, and you’ll be left with nothing.”
But Lando didn’t say a word, he just walked out, slamming the door behind him. The moment the door clicked shut, he felt it—like breathing after holding it too long. Like grief and relief tangled into one.
For the first time in months, the silence didn’t feel suffocating. It felt like something new beginning.
────୨ৎ────
You weren’t expecting anything—just the usual hum of silence broken only by the rain pounding on the windows. It had been a quiet evening. Too quiet, actually. 
You’d brushed your teeth, turned the lights low, your skin still warm from a shower, wrapped in a worn hoodie far too big for you. A movie played softly in the background, but you weren’t really watching. You never did anymore. Everything had dulled around the edges. You went through motions now. You existed in between hours, in between memories of what used to be and the aching of what could’ve been.
It was close to 1:00 AM. You hadn’t planned on staying up this late, but sleep never came easy these days. Not since he left. So when the knock came—three distinct raps followed by a silence so heavy it filled the room—your stomach dropped. 
You froze mid-step, heart punching your ribs, unsure whether it was just your mind playing tricks on you. But then it came again—three more knocks, slower this time. Heavier. Like the person on the other side wasn’t sure they had the right to be there.
Your feet moved before you realized it. Soft, tentative steps across the hardwood. The kind you take when your heart is at your throat. When everything in you says, “Don’t hope. Don’t you dare hope.”
You reached the door and slowly peeked through the peephole. And in that moment, everything inside you fell apart.
It was him. Lando.
Soaked from head to toe, rain dripping from his curls, hoodie clinging to him like the weight of every decision he’d made. His face was pale, exhausted. His eyes locked on the doormat like he couldn’t bear to look up. He looked like regret had come to life.
You stared, frozen in place. Every nerve in your body screamed. Every instinct said this isn’t real, that it was just a trick of your mind conjured out of all the times you’d cried yourself to sleep.
You didn’t even think twice as your fingers already fumbled at the lock, breath shallow, pulse racing. When the door finally creaked open, the rain surged in, bringing cold and memories with it. 
Lando slowly lifted his head, making your eyes meet, and in that moment it felt as if everything around stopped. The storm behind him blurred into white noise, and the air between you buzzed with everything unspoken. 
Your throat tightened, and you felt as if your knees threatened to give out any second. You hadn’t seen him in eight months. Just glimpses, pictures with Olivia that felt like salt in a wound you never asked for. But now here he was, Lando in the flesh, standing right in front of you. And you couldn’t breathe.
Lando didn’t speak. He just stood there, rain running down his face, mixing with something that might’ve been tears—but you couldn’t tell. He looked older somehow. More tired, like he hadn’t slept in days, maybe weeks. Like life had eaten him alive.
You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to scream, and cry. To ask him why—why he left, why he never looked back, why he let you shatter without a single word. 
The pain hit you all at once—heavy, violent, and consuming—making you break apart. Your throat burned as you moved towards him. You shoved him back once, then again. Your fists thudded against his chest, angry, raw, messy and real. 
“You bastard—” Your voice broke into a sob as you hit him again. “You goddamn— selfish coward—” Lando flinched at your words, but still didn’t move away.
You shoved him harder. “You— you left me! You said nothing, not even a single word! You just disappeared! You think you can show up here after months and what? What?!”
Your fists pounded his chest as anger boiled over into pure heartbreak. “Do you have any idea what you did to me? How much it hurt?” Still, he took it. He didn’t raise a hand. He let you hit him. “You just left! Like I was nothing to you. Like I wasn’t even— God, I hate you!” 
Each word broke more of you apart. Hot tears blurred your vision as your fists pounded against him with every ache you’d buried for months. You were crying now, properly crying. Ugly, broken sobs tearing through your chest. The kind of crying that made your knees weak, that shook your whole body.
“You fucking asshole! You didn’t even say goodbye—” Your voice cracked. “I waited, Lando. I waited for you to say something. To make it make sense. And you just— you were gone.”
Still, he said nothing. His breath was shaking, lips parted, eyes wet from more than just the rain. And then finally—finally—he moved. Slowly and carefully, as if approaching a wounded animal, he wrapped his arms around you in a strong embrace. You struggled at first—your fists still weakly hitting at his chest, but his arms only tightened more. One hand cradled the back of your head, the other splayed across your back, grounding you.
“Shhh… I know. I know.” He whispered, his throat tightening, “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked on the last word, and that’s what finally shattered you.
You stopped fighting.
His arms wrapped around you like he’d never let go. Tight and desperate. One hand tangled in your hair, the other pressing you against him like he was terrified you’d disappear. You could feel his heart pounding in his chest—fast and scared. He was shaking, and so were you.
You sobbed into his hoodie, the fabric soaking up your tears and rain and months of silence. He didn’t say a word. His chin dropped to rest on the top of your head as he held you there, like if he let go, the world would fall apart again. You gripped at him like a lifeline, hands fisting into his hoodie, face pressed into the warmth of his chest as your body trembled. You missed him so much.
No words were needed. Not yet. Just the rain and the sound of your heartbeat against his. The thud of two souls colliding after too long apart.
You cried into his chest while he stood in your doorway, dripping rainwater and regret, your name probably sitting at the edge of his tongue.
And still, nothing. Nothing except the unshakable feeling that even now, even after everything—this was still home.
────୨ৎ────
Some time had passed before you finally led him inside.
The house was still quiet. Not the kind of quiet that hummed peacefully—but the breathless kind. The kind where the walls still echoed with everything left unsaid. 
Rain had soaked into the hallway carpet beneath your feet, his clothes leaving wet spots behind him that you didn’t have the heart to care about. Your hand trembled slightly as it held onto the railing while you climbed the stairs. Behind you, Lando followed wordlessly, his movements hesitant—like he wasn’t sure he belonged here anymore.
Your room hadn’t changed much. Same soft light from the lamp on the bedside table, same books piled up on your desk, same blanket folded at the end of the bed. And yet, when he stepped in behind you, something shifted. The air tightened.
Lando stood in the doorway, dripping, still breathing like he hadn’t figured out how to do it properly since he saw your face again. And you didn’t say anything. Not yet. You just turned around to face him, heart pounding in your ears like a warning, and the second your eyes met again in that dim golden light, something collapsed inside you. Not with noise, but with a softness that hurt.
You crossed the room slowly. No rush, no desperation, just the ache of every second that had passed since he had left. Every second you’d spent trying not to miss him, trying not to hate him, trying not to wish for this exact moment.
He looked down at you when you stopped in front of him. His hair was sticking to his forehead. His shirt clung to his skin, knuckles were scraped, and his eyes held centuries of regret. And you reached for him—not with certainty, but with instinct.
Fingers brushed his sleeve, then his hand, and finally, without a word, he let out the quietest exhale and stepped closer to you, forehead pressing to yours like he’d finally made it home.
You stood like that for a while, eyes closed, neither of you moving. The sound of the rain bleeding through the walls.
“I…” He started to whisper, voice cracking—but you shook your head against him.
“Don’t,” You breathed, your voice trembling. “Not yet, Lan.” The nickname made his heart squeeze painfully, remembering all the happiest times when you called him that.
Lando nodded as he understood what you meant. This wasn’t the time for words, for answers—not tonight.
You took his hand and pulled him gently toward the bed. It wasn’t romantic nor filled with lust. It was the comfort and longing that made you do that.
You handed him a towel from the dresser, watched as he clumsily dried his hair, and peeled off the hoodie that stuck to him like a second skin. Then you passed him one of your old sweatshirts—the navy one he used to steal during movie nights, and the one you could never bring yourself to throw away. He hesitated, but eventually he took it, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled it over his head.
You turned away to give him space. But when you sat down on the bed, you felt the weight shift beside you. He was close, but not touching. Like he was scared to ruin the fragile thing you’d just begun stitching back together. 
Not knowing what to say, you lay down, and he followed your steps. It was awkward at first, like learning again a language you used to speak fluently. His arm grazed yours and you shifted slightly, making him mirror your moves. The duvet settled over you both like a secret, warm and heavy and sacred.
It took time—slow, aching minutes—for your body to relax. But it happened, eventually. Your head found its way to his chest, just above his heart, and his arm found your waist. Your legs tangled together under the covers like they’d never forgotten how to fit. And still… you said nothing. 
You listened his breathing—to the gradually slowing thump of his heart. To the rain whispering against your windows. You felt the warmth of his skin through the borrowed fabric. You felt the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek.
He held you like you were made of glass. Carefully, and reverently. Your fingers curled in the hem of his sleeve and didn’t let go. And finally—finally—you allowed yourself to breathe.
You didn’t want to sleep. You were afraid all of this would vanish if you closed your eyes. That if you let go, he’d disappear again. That the morning would come and this would all be just another cruel dream. But your body betrayed you, and for the first time in what felt like lifetimes, you fell asleep wrapped in the arms of someone who knew you. Who had broken you, and had come back. 
You didn’t dream You just slept—heart pressed to heart, hands entwined in quiet forgiveness.
And Lando? He stayed awake, watching the way your face softened in sleep. The faint frown that still lingered, even now. He studied every inch of your skin like he was afraid he’d forget it again. His thumb brushed your back, up and down, slow and reverent. 
He couldn’t believe that he’d left this, that he’d chosen to leave you.
You stirred slightly, breathing shifting against his chest, and he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear so gently it almost broke him. 
And that was when he knew.
No matter what it took—no matter how long it would be—he wasn’t leaving again. He couldn’t. You were his home. And this? This was just the beginning.
────୨ৎ────
The next morning the rain hadn’t stopped. It painted the windows in soft streams, whispering against the glass like an old lullaby, a rhythm that felt almost like breathing. Slow, gentle and unrelenting. The world outside was hushed, dulled beneath a curtain of gray skies and water-soaked streets, but in the stillness of the apartment, it felt safe. Wrapped in that soft kind of silence that only rain brings—where time slows, and nothing demands to be done except existing.
The bedroom was still dim, bathed in the faint amber glow of the bedside lamp that was left on throughout the night. Its golden light caught on the edges of things—the half-empty glass of water on the dresser, the corner of a blanket trailing off the bed, the framed photo next to the books which depicted you and Lando, laughing at something neither of you remembered now. Younger, lighter, unaware of the ache the years would bring.
But now, your older selves lay beneath the covers, wrapped up in warmth and each other. Skin against skin, his arm draped around your waist, your legs tangled naturally beneath the duvet. As if you’d always belonged in this shape. Like the spaces you left in each other had only ever been waiting to be filled.
His thumb moved slowly against your side—back and forth, back and forth. A silent check-in. A promise, a reminder that he was there.
When you woke up, you didn’t move at first. Just let your eyes follow the soft pattern of shadows across the ceiling, let the sound of the rain blur into the quiet thudding of your heart.
Lando shifted slightly, lifting his head just enough to look at you. His curls were messy, and his eyes—blue and familiar—were half-lidded but awake. “Are you okay?” He murmured, voice thick with sleep and something deeper.
You hesitated, then shrugged, your voice soft. “Just thinking.”
“About?” He questioned, his tone careful. Like he already knew the answer might sting.
You blinked slowly, and swallowed the lump forming in your throat. “You know… I don’t think I’ve forgiven you yet,” You whispered. “Not fully.” The words cracked slightly on their way out, and you hated how vulnerable they sounded. How fragile they made you feel.
Lando didn’t flinch, nor pulled away. He just held your gaze. “I know.” He said quietly. 
You turned onto your side to face him fully, his hand now resting on the curve of your hip. The mattress dipped slightly under your movement, the duvet sliding down your shoulder. Your skin cooled instantly in the air, but it wasn’t why you shivered.
“I told myself I had,” You continued, a little more steadily now. “I wanted to. But I still remember the silence. The way it felt when you left, Lan. Like— like I’d been erased from your life overnight. Like I didn’t matter.”
Lando’s jaw tightened almost imperceptibly at your words. Then, slowly, he reached up, fingers brushing a strand of hair from your face, tucking it gently behind your ear. His touch lingered, as if trying to memorize you all over again, his eyes full of regret.
“I think about that too,” He murmured. “Every single day.” There was no defense in his voice. No excuses. Just the truth, bare and broken. 
“I was a coward. I was scared, and I let that fear decide everything. I left you without a word and convinced myself it was the right thing. That you’d be fine, and that you didn’t need me. But it wasn’t about you. It was about me—and I hurt you because I didn’t know how to stay.” He shook his head, like the memory made him sick. “I was selfish. I chose a version of myself that made me feel safe, even if it meant becoming someone I didn’t recognize. Even if it meant walking away from the one person who ever really saw me.”
His eyes searched yours, shimmering. “And I’m sorry.”
The words hung between you, bare and trembling.
“I’m sorry for the silence. I’m sorry for every night you waited, every time you wondered what you did wrong, every piece of yourself you had to stitch back together without me. I should’ve been there. I should’ve fought for you.”
You felt your throat tighten. Your chest ached with the force of how badly you’d needed to hear those words.
“I think I didn’t deserve your love,” He continued, “but I had it. And I broke it. And that’s something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. But if there’s a chance—any chance—that I can still be the person you trust again… I’ll spend every day trying.” His voice cracked. “I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you. Not for a second.”
You blinked, and the tears finally slipped down your cheeks again—warm, unstoppable.
You sat up slowly, mirroring him now, the duvet pooled around your waist. And for a moment, you just looked at him. Looked at the boy who had left, and the man who had come back.
You whispered, “Thank you.” as a wave of relief ran down you. 
You never knew how much you needed to hear that apology. And though forgiveness wasn’t something that could be wrapped in a single moment, it lived in that breath. In the way your body leaned into his without fear. In the way he exhaled like he’d been holding that apology in his lungs for a year.
You didn’t need a grand gesture. You needed this. The truth, laid bare. Between two people who had shattered each other once—and were now choosing, quietly, to try again.Together.
Your eyes met his. “Do you regret it? All of it?”
He exhaled slowly, chest rising and falling with the weight of the question. “Not everything,” He said finally, “But most of all, the time I wasted pretending I didn’t love you.” That cracked something wide open inside you.
“I thought if I stayed gone,” He continued, voice shaking now, “if I became who Olivia wanted me to be, then maybe I’d forget how much I needed you. But I didn’t. I never did. And one morning, I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself.” He paused for a second, his throat tightening at the recall of all the memories, “I missed you so much it made me sick.”
Your breath caught. That was the moment you let the tears fall once again—not loud or gasping, just silent, and honest. They slipped down your cheeks like the rain on the window, blurring everything.
“I missed you too,” You whispered, your hand finding his beneath the blanket, your fingers curling around his like a lifeline. “Even when I told myself I didn’t.”
When you said that, Lando smiled. It was small, soft—nothing like the wide grins he used to wear when the world was still simple—but it was real. Tired and tender and entirely yours.
He leaned forward until your foreheads touched, his breath warm against your skin. Neither of you spoke for a while, there was no need to. Just that quiet, precious stillness—the kind that only came after the storm, after the wreckage, when you realized you were both still here. Still breathing. Still reaching for each other.
When he finally whispered, “Can I stay?” it wasn’t a question about just staying at your place. It was about everything that came after—your future.
You nodded, voice barely audible. “You never have to leave again, Lan.” And you meant it wholeheartedly.
His hand curled around your side again, anchoring you close, and your body folded into his like you’d done it a hundred times before—because you had. But never like this. Never with the knowledge that tomorrow wouldn’t take him away again.
The rain outside kept falling, steady and quiet, but the storm between you had broken. And in that little apartment, tucked beneath layers of blankets and bruised apologies, two people who had once been torn apart by time and distance had finally found each other again.
Not in grand confessions. Not in desperate pleas. But in the way his thumb still moved against your hip. In the way your fingers clutched his like they couldn’t bear to let go.
This wasn’t about going back to the beginning, rather about starting from here. Where the pain had already been named. Where the truths had already been spoken. Where love, battered but burning, had quietly survived.
And tomorrow? Tomorrow could wait because right now, in the amber light and the hush of falling rain, you were home.
────୨ৎ────
3 years later
Your shared apartment smelled like warm vanilla and the candle you lit hours ago—something earthy, sandalwood maybe, that had slowly wrapped itself around the quiet of the afternoon. 
Outside, the sky was beginning to shift into early evening—dusted pinks and soft oranges stretching across the skyline like a watercolor bleeding into paper. A soft breeze drifted in through the cracked balcony door, swaying the white curtains like waves.
You were nestled into the couch, legs stretched out, a blanket tossed haphazardly over both your bodies. Your head rested on Lando’s chest, his hoodie swallowing you up, the fabric worn-in and smelling like him—clean cotton and a scent you could never name but always recognized. He was absentmindedly running his fingers through your hair, slowly, over and over again, untangling the strands with gentle care like it was the most important task in the world. And in that moment, maybe it was.
A record played low in the background, some old song he loved that you’d grown to love too. Lando had his arm wrapped around you, his hand trailing slowly through your hair. Over and over. Fingertips catching in soft strands before sliding free again, curling around them like he never wanted to stop touching you. 
You were laying there, head on his torso, the quiet rise and fall beneath your cheek like a lullaby. You didn’t speak. You didn’t need to. It was one of those moments where everything was said in the silence—in the closeness, the steady breathing, the way your fingers rested against the inside of his wrist, your thumb brushing the faint line of a scar you both knew the story of.
Lando shifted a little, just enough to press a kiss to the top of your head. No words, just that.
You smiled into the soft cotton of his shirt, fingers tracing slow circles over the inside of his wrist. “You’re gonna make me fall asleep, Lan.” You mumbled, your words softened by the weight of comfort, eyelids heavy.
He tilted his head slightly, brushing his lips against your hairline. “Then fall asleep,” He whispered, voice laced with that familiar warmth that always made your chest flutter. “I’m not going anywhere.”
You smiled into his shirt, your heart swelling, a quiet little ache blooming behind your ribs. “You always say that.”
He smiled, too. “Because I mean it. And would it be so bad?” He said softly, the corners of his lips twitching into a half-smile. “I like having you like this, pretty girl.”
You tilted your head to look at him, chin resting against his chest. “Like what?”
He met your eyes, all warm honey and quiet adoration. “Close.” 
And then he leaned down, connecting your lips in a kiss. Not in that rushed, desperate way he used to when everything was still uncertain—when love felt fragile and maybe temporary. No, this kiss was slow. Anchored. Like he was still choosing you, over and over again, even now.
You kissed him back, one hand curling into the collar of his shirt, the other still resting against his chest where you could feel his heartbeat under your palm. He pulled back just enough to brush your nose with his, grinning against your mouth. Lando looked at you like you were something precious—like he still couldn’t believe you were real, like even in all the time that had passed, he hadn’t gotten used to having you close again.
Your fingers slid up to his jaw, thumb brushing along the line of stubble he hadn’t bothered to shave. “You know, sometimes I still feel like I’m dreaming,” You said softly. “Like I’ll wake up and you’ll still be gone.”
His brows knit together, and his free hand came up to cup your cheek gently. “Hey,” He said, voice suddenly serious, “you’re not dreaming. I’m here.”
You nodded, but your throat felt thick, full of memories you hadn’t spoken aloud in months. The silence between you shifted—still soft, but a little heavier now. 
“You know I love you, right?” He asked, quiet and sure.
You nodded again, slower this time, your eyes starting to sting. “I know.” His eyes searched yours, his thumb resting just beneath your cheekbone like he couldn’t bear to lose contact.
His hand slipped back into your hair, gently tucking a strand behind your ear. “I don’t think I knew how much until I almost lost you.”
You blinked, your lips parting, but no words came. Instead, you just laid your head back against his chest, curling in tighter, wrapping your arm around his waist. You didn’t need to say it—he could feel it in the way you held him like he was home.
“You know,” He murmured after a while, “I could do this forever.”
You pretended to think about it. “Do what?”
“This,” He whispered. “Be with you. Like this. Wake up next to you. Watch you fall asleep on me before we finish a movie. Let you steal all the covers.”
“That sounds a lot like a lifetime commitment.” You smirked, making the man beside you grin at your words.
“That’s kind of the point, love.”
You looked at him then—really looked—and it hit you again, how much love had filled the quiet spaces in your life since that night he came back. Since the rain, the doorstep, the apology. Since everything shifted.
You cupped his jaw, thumb brushing over the curve of his cheek. “You know,” You said softly, “I never thought we’d make it here.”
He leaned into your touch, gaze steady. “Well, I did.” And with that, the silence wrapped around you both again—no pressure, no need to rush. Just comfort, and peace. The quiet knowledge that love didn’t need to be loud to be real. 
It was here. In the way your body curved into his, perfectly fitted. In the way his eyes softened every time they landed on you. It was here. Always.
You didn’t say anything. Instead, you melted further into him, burying your face in his neck, arms wrapped tightly around his middle. You stayed like that for a long time. Breathing. Existing. Loving.
The light outside faded into dusky blues. The candle flickered, the music looped. And still, you stayed like that—wrapped in each other. Lando’s fingers never stopped moving through your hair, slow and thoughtful, like he was memorizing the feel of you. And when the night time finally came, when the only light was the glow of the kitchen lamp left on across the room, Lando gently scooped you up—blanket and all—and carried you to bed.
Because this wasn’t the beginning of something new. This was the finally. Finally together, finally home. Finally, always. 
Everything that had once been right at the fingertips, was now fully grasped.
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© haniette | 2025, all rights reserved.
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taglist: @xoxomansee @htpssgavi @toriiez @neo-teenkidz
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startheskelaton · 3 months ago
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So this was something that crossed my mind. Since you showed off Sparkplug from alternative timelines in Transformers and one of them was the Bayverse. So I was wondering, how would Sparkplug be in that timeline?
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I feel like she’d be shockingly nice. Like you see her fathers and expect the worst but she’s like surprisingly down to earth. This is because she forms a strong bond with Mikaela as a sparkling, who I feel stays until the third movie. Because of her own bad relationships with her father, Mikaela helps Sparkplug mend her relationship with Optimus, making sure she at least has one parent in her life. She would also be good friends with Tessa! As they would both be daughters of the main leads in that film.
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keehomania · 4 months ago
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homesick — rcm (18+)
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⋆. 𐙚 ˚ smut, fluff, minors dni, pining, childhood romance, soft!asshole!rafe, very conflicting lol mb, rafe is an asshole with a soft spot for you, could’ve just said it like that sry, sex is slightly sweeter than what i’m used to writing, i know you don’t need me right now, to you it’s just a late night out
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longing for something was the most painful thing you could go through. it was the gray area between loving something and obtaining it, more often than not leaning toward loving rather than obtaining. everybody longed for something, at least once in their lives. you knew you did. you longed for everything you once had, everything that slipped through the cracks of your fingers like grains of sand. sand.
you longed for the feeling of sand beneath your bare feet, the scent of saltwater colliding with a freshly opened bottle of sunscreen, for the feeling of the wind in your hair just one more time. today, you would stop longing for it. you would reach the end of the spectrum after twelve long years and pray it would feel the way it did when things were easier.
the car door creaked open, and you stepped out, blinking as the sun met your face. the morning light was blinding, casting a golden glow over the familiar yet unfamiliar streets. your legs ached from the long drive, but it was the dull throb in your chest that you couldn’t shake. something was brewing in the pit of your stomach, poisoning your soul and making your heart clench. nostalgia.
it coursed through your veins, a bittersweet sensation that left you teetering between comfort and pain. everything felt the same, but nothing didn’t look the same. the sun was just as bright, but maybe there were more people now than you’d anticipated. there were more shops lining the streets, more boats anchored at the docks. more had a knack for being better than less, but the difference didn’t sit well with you.
you locked your car, the sharp click echoing louder than you expected in the stillness of the early morning. you promised yourself you’d return for your things later. for now, you needed to jog your memory. the air smelled of salt and sunblock, a scent so ingrained in your childhood that it almost made you choke up. your feet carried you instinctively, down streets you didn’t have to think twice about, past houses that seemed to carry fragments of your past.
you loved your father, because he was so much more than your father. he was your hero, your role model, the man who checked for monsters under your bed and whispered bedtime stories when you couldn’t sleep. he had a quiet strength about him, the kind that made you feel safe no matter how chaotic the world around you became. he was patient, endlessly so, and always seemed to know exactly what to say, even when there were no words to mend the situation.
he had spent his entire life taking care of you, alongside your mother. together, they had built a world where you never felt the weight of their struggles, only the warmth of their love. your mother was the heart of that world, as much a protector as your father was. she had a laugh that could brighten even the darkest days, and a way of knowing what you needed before you ever said a word. you loved them equally, because there was no father who could do it without a mother there, and no mother who could do it without a father by her side.
but you also loved the outer banks. you loved the place you grew up in, the salty air that clung to your skin, the way the waves crashed against the shore in a rhythm that felt like home. you loved the endless summers, the laughter that echoed through the streets of figure 8, and the friendships that felt as unshakable as the tides. yet, when it came down to leaving it, you did what was necessary.
it was three weeks after your mother had gone on a business trip, one in charlotte, just a few hours away. three weeks. that was all it took for everything to unravel. your father had gotten the call two days before he told you, and you could see the heaviness in his eyes, the way his shoulders carried the weight of a decision he didn’t want to make. but he knew—he knew you couldn’t spare another second there. it was time to leave.
and when the time came, it was done quickly, like ripping off a bandage. nobody could hear of it. even if they did, there was nothing they could do about it. lord knows they tried. ward and rose were the first to reach out, their voices frantic, pleading for answers. you remembered the way your father’s jaw tightened as he ended the call, refusing to explain, to argue, to justify. you had been too young to understand, but old enough to sense the finality of it all.
the last you heard, their family had become somewhat of a mess. the perfect veneer of the camerons had cracked, exposing something raw and broken underneath. you tried not to think about it too much, but it seemed impossible. every street, every house, every crashing wave brought memories rushing back, unbidden and unstoppable. but you pushed them down, telling yourself there was no use in dredging up the past—not yet, anyway.
the houses you passed were a symphony of elegance and familiarity, each one a beacon of the wealth that had defined figure 8 for generations. they stood tall and proud, their façades polished to perfection. you could see the care etched into every detail—the manicured lawns with grass so green it seemed unreal, the trimmed hedges sculpted into geometric shapes, and the vibrant flowers lining cobblestone pathways.
the porches were wide and welcoming, adorned with rocking chairs and hanging flower baskets swaying gently in the breeze. some houses boasted wraparound balconies, their railings painted crisp white, while others had large bay windows that gleamed under the sun, curtains drawn just enough to reveal a hint of the lavish interiors within.
you noticed the details, the things you’d forgotten until now: the way the golden plaques glinted with family names, the faint sound of wind chimes echoing from porches, the occasional bark of a dog from behind wrought-iron gates. it was all so familiar, yet so distant, like a photograph you had stared at for so long that it felt unreal.
as you walked, memories followed, clinging to you like the humid air. they weren’t all of this place—most of them were of him. you had no issue remembering him. the problem was forgetting him, something you could never bring yourself to do no matter how hard you tried.
the memory struck you like a wave. You were six years old, standing in this very neighborhood. your parents had just moved in, and the camerons had wasted no time in welcoming you. you could still see it vividly: rafe, two years older than you, standing with his arms crossed, his nose slightly upturned like he was better than everyone else in the room.
you remembered the way you’d clung to your father’s leg, peeking out only to find his piercing blue eyes staring back at you with a mischievous glint. he was mean, even then. spoiled. his first words to you were, “your hair looks funny.”
your cheeks burned at the memory, the sting of his words fresh even after all these years. you could still hear your mother laughing softly, your father gently patting your shoulder, and ward scolding his son. but then there was sarah. sweet, sunny sarah, who had marched right up to her older brother and smacked him on the arm. “stop being mean, rafe!” she had said with all the conviction her five-year-old self could muster.
and then she turned to you, her eyes wide and sparkling with sincerity. “i like your hair,” she had said, her voice gentle, her small hand reaching out to yours.
“i like yours, too,” you had replied, the tears in your eyes disappearing in an instant.
“wanna be friends?” she asked, tilting her head.
“sure,” you had said, a grin breaking through your tears.
rafe had rolled his eyes then, muttering something under his breath as if he couldn’t believe the exchange happening right in front of him. now, as you walked, you couldn’t help but smile at the thought. it was so vivid, so alive, as if it had happened just yesterday. but you wondered—was he the same? had he changed at all, or was he even meaner now?
the shops along the way were a kaleidoscope of charm and nostalgia. their exteriors were bright and inviting, painted in pastel shades of pink, blue, and yellow, with hand-painted signs swaying gently in the breeze. glass display windows showcased trinkets and souvenirs—everything from handwoven baskets to seashell jewelry and t-shirts with “outer banks” scrawled across them in bold, faded lettering. the aroma of fresh pastries wafted from a bakery, mingling with the salty air and drawing a smile to your face.
you paused at a familiar ice cream parlor, its striped awning unchanged after all these years. the sight of children clamoring for cones, their faces smeared with chocolate and strawberry, made your chest ache. it reminded you of summers spent running through these streets, rafe and sarah in tow, chasing the melting sweetness before it dripped down your arms.
the path narrowed as you moved closer to the beach, the buildings giving way to sand dunes and patches of seagrass. the sound of waves crashing against the shore grew louder, accompanied by the cries of seagulls circling above. the salty air thickened, wrapping around you like an old friend. and then, as the beach came into view, the memory struck.
you had just turned seven, the world still a canvas of endless possibility. you were on the beach with sarah, the two of you crouched in the sand, determined to build the most magnificent sandcastle the outer banks had ever seen.
“we get to be the princesses, right?” you asked, your small hands gripping a bright red bucket as you filled it with wet sand.
“yeah! rafe can be the guard,” sarah replied, her tone decisive as she smoothed out the castle walls.
just a few feet away, rafe sat with his legs crossed, focused on his fishing gear. he had been trying to teach himself to fish, his brow furrowed in concentration as he prepared the bait. ward had given him some of his more expensive gear that morning, clearly hoping his son would find purpose in the sport.
you couldn’t help but frown, suddenly dissatisfied with the childish simplicity of your sandcastle compared to the serious task rafe was undertaking. “i wanna try that, too,” you declared, abandoning your bucket and scrambling toward him.
he barely spared you a glance, scoffing as he tied a knot. “as if. you don’t know how to fish.”
you planted your hands on your hips, standing beside him with a determined pout. “why can’t you teach me?” you challenged, tilting your head. then, with a sly grin, you added, “you don’t know either.”
that got his attention. he turned to you with a dramatic sigh, his face a mixture of annoyance and reluctant amusement. “i know how to fish,” he insisted, standing up and brushing the sand from his shorts. “fine, i’ll teach you. but don’t cry when you mess it up.”
he reached for your hands, his grip surprisingly gentle as he guided you toward the rod. his blue eyes softened, though his voice remained gruff. “first, you hold it like this,” he explained, positioning your hands on the handle. “not too tight, or you’ll mess up the cast. got it?”
you nodded eagerly, your small hands dwarfed by the rod as you mimicked his movements.
“now, watch carefully,” he said, stepping behind you to adjust your stance. his hands covered yours, steady and sure, as he helped you draw the rod back. “when i say ‘go,’ you flick it forward. like this—”
“go!”
the line soared into the water, the bait landing with a soft plop. your face lit up with excitement, and you turned to him, beaming. “i did it!”
he rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth twitched upward in a small smile. “barely. don’t get cocky.”
you laughed, unbothered by his tone. “thanks, rafey.”
“whatever,” he muttered, but there was a flicker of pride in his expression as he returned to his spot.
even then, he was a contradiction—tough on the outside, but with glimpses of something softer beneath the surface. as you stood on the shore now, the memory faded, replaced by the crashing waves and the unanswered question: had he changed? or had time only sharpened his edges?
the beach stretched out before you, golden and endless, shimmering beneath the late morning sun. the air was thick with the scent of salt and sunscreen, the sound of waves mingling with the occasional bark of a dog or the laughter of children playing nearby. seagulls circled above, their cries sharp but oddly soothing, a familiar soundtrack to a place you once called home.
you slipped off your shoes and stepped onto the sand, warm and soft, a sensation you hadn’t felt in years. the grains clung to your skin, and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. it was as if the beach itself were welcoming you back, whispering that some things never changed, no matter how much time passed.
a crowd had gathered in the middle of the shoreline, their figures blending together in the bright sunlight. you couldn’t make out any faces, but the hum of their voices and the sight of carefree movement filled the air with life. despite the busyness of the scene, the beach itself remained a sanctuary—a timeless, comforting space. the wind tousled your hair, and for a moment, you closed your eyes, letting the nostalgia wash over you. it brought you back to a day much like this one, years ago, when the beach had been alive.
your parents had joined ward and rose for a picnic, the two families spreading out a blanket beneath the shade of an umbrella. everyone had been vibrant, so alive. the adults laughed and chatted over glasses of chilled wine, while you and sarah shared slices of watermelon, sticky juice dripping down your chins. she had her head resting on your shoulder, her blonde hair tickling your cheek as you both giggled over nothing in particular.
“it’s really sweet,” you’d said, savoring another bite.
ward had turned to you with a smile, always proud of his ability to impress. “imported from south america,” he’d explained. “you like it?”
you and sarah had nodded enthusiastically, neither of you having a clue in the world what a south america was. the sweetness of the fruit a perfect match for the sunlit day. but as you turned your gaze toward the water, you noticed rafe sitting alone by the shore. he was quiet, his toes buried in the gentle surf, drawing patterns in the wet sand with a stick. there was a tension to him, a nervous energy that seemed out of place amidst the carefree atmosphere.
you set down your half-eaten slice and rose to your feet, brushing sand from your legs. “i’m gonna go check on rafe,” you told sarah, who only shrugged and returned to her watermelon.
as you approached, he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, scoffing lightly. “you’re all sticky,” he muttered, the faintest hint of amusement in his voice.
you grinned, unbothered. “are you hungry?” you asked, crouching beside him.
he shook his head, the stick in his hand still tracing lines in the sand. you frowned, leaning closer. “what’s wrong?”
for a moment, he didn’t answer, his usual bravado replaced by something softer. finally, he turned to you, his blue eyes filled with a quiet uncertainty. “i have to tell you something,” he said, his voice low.
“what’s wrong, rafey?” you pressed, your concern genuine.
he fidgeted, the stick falling forgotten into the sand as he reached into his pocket. When he turned back to you, his hand was outstretched, holding a small metal ring. it was simple, almost too small, as though it had once belonged to a charm bracelet—or maybe it was something he’d found in rose’s jewelry box or bought with the few dollars he had.
“what’s that?” you asked, curiosity lighting up your face.
“i got it for you,” he said, his tone serious, almost awkward.
“why?”
his gaze dropped to the sand, his cheeks reddening. “because i’m gonna marry you when we grow up.”
you gasped, your excitement bubbling over. “really?”
“yeah,” he mumbled, looking at you with a mixture of pride and embarrassment. “so, here.”
without hesitation, you threw your arms around him, sticky hands and all. “thank you, rafey!”
“stop, you’re still sticky,” he protested, his voice muffled against your shoulder, but he didn’t pull away.
instead, you took his hand, tugging him to his feet. “come on!” you exclaimed, dragging him back toward the picnic.
as you reached the blanket, you held up the ring proudly. “rafe and i are gonna get married!” you announced, your voice loud enough to draw the attention of everyone there.
rafe’s face turned scarlet, his hands stuffed into his pockets as laughter erupted around you. even rose, who was usually so composed, chuckled warmly at the sight of her son’s flustered expression.
sarah ran to you, throwing her arms around your neck. “yes! you’ll get to be my real sister!” she cheered, her enthusiasm matching your own.
the memory made your chest tighten as you stood on the beach now, watching the waves roll in and out. how simple things had been then, how full of joy and possibility. the weight of the years since that day pressed down on you, and you couldn’t help but wonder: had rafe ever thought about it? had he ever remembered that promise?
the sound of the crowd jolted you from your thoughts, pulling you back to the present. laughter, cheers, and the unmistakable hum of engines filled the air, growing louder with every passing second. Intrigued, you turned toward the commotion, your curiosity outweighing the tranquility the beach had offered moments before.
you wove your way through the crowd, dodging elbows and shifting bodies as you tried to get a better look. the closer you got, the more the scene came into view. dirt bikes, sleek and muddied, were scattered along the sand, their riders gathered near the starting line. the crowd pressed in around them, forming a makeshift arena.
at the center of it all were three men who stood apart from the rest, their presence commanding attention. two of them were on one side, seemingly strategizing. one had curly hair that bounced with every movement, his wiry frame radiating energy. the other was blond and lean, his sharp jawline illuminated by the sunlight. a few feet away stood the third man, tall and broad-shouldered, his blond hair buzzed short. even from a distance, there was a quiet intensity to him that made him stand out.
you tapped the shoulder of the girl beside you, who was cheering loudly. “what’s all this?” you asked, your voice just loud enough to be heard over the roar of the crowd.
she turned to you, her eyebrows furrowed as if surprised you didn’t already know. “you’re not from here, huh?” she asked.
you hesitated before replying, “not recently.”
“it’s the kildare enduro,” she explained, a hint of excitement in her voice. “biggest race of the summer. you’re in for a show.”
the name didn’t ring any bells, and you realized this must have been something new, something that had started after you’d left. still, the anticipation in the air was contagious, and you found yourself eager to see what all the fuss was about.
engines revved, the sound sharp and exhilarating as the riders mounted their bikes. the crowd roared as the signal was given, and within seconds, the racers were off, their tires kicking up sand as they sped down the makeshift track.
the racers weaved skillfully around obstacles, their movements a blur of precision and daring. the man with frosted tips was quick, taking sharp turns with practiced ease, his bike seeming to glide over the sand. the lean blond wasn’t far behind, his focus evident in the way he leaned into every curve, his bike roaring as he pushed it to its limits.
but it was the third man who drew your attention most. he was fast, incredibly so, his broad shoulders steady as he maneuvered through the course with calculated aggression. every movement was controlled, deliberate, as though he knew exactly how far he could push the bike without losing control.
the race was a spectacle, a blend of more speed, less skill, and pure adrenaline. the crowd erupted into cheers as the racers hit the halfway mark, neck and neck. it wasn’t until the blond man attempted a daring jump over a dune that things took a turn. his landing was rough, causing his bike to wobble dangerously before he recovered. he seized the opportunity, pulling ahead with a burst of speed, but the tall blond wasn’t far behind. they pushed their bikes to the brink, sand flying in every direction as they closed in on the finish line.
just as it seemed the tall blond had the race in the bag, the one with frosted tips made his move, attempting to overtake him on the final stretch. their bikes collided briefly, sending both riders skidding across the sand. gasps rippled through the crowd as the tall blond man capitalized on the chaos, speeding past the lean one to take second place.
the race was over before it even started, but the energy in the air was electric. you found yourself pushing closer, eager to see the aftermath. the tall blond, covered in sand and visibly frustrated, rose to his feet. he glanced toward the lean blond, who was still brushing himself off, their exchange charged with tension. and then he turned.
for a moment, his piercing blue eyes locked onto yours. there was something achingly familiar about him—the shape of his jaw, the intensity of his gaze. it was as though you’d seen him before, in another life perhaps, but the memory was just out of reach. your heart raced as he continued to stare, his expression unreadable.
you hesitated as the scene unfolded before you, your gaze fixed on the lean blond. a group of people ran toward him, their laughter and shouts mingling with the lingering roar of the crowd. one of them threw their arms around him, but the others had snapped like a twig, shoving him, yelling at him. you couldn’t help but stare, curiosity hitting you.
the realization hit you—you stuck out like a sore thumb, gawking as if you didn’t belong, and you probably didn’t. you started to shift back into the crowd when a gentle touch on your shoulder jolted you. you spun around, your heart leaping into your throat, and froze.
she didn’t need a single word of introduction. the familiar honey-blonde hair, the sharp yet kind eyes, the bright smile etched into your childhood memories—it was unmistakably her.
“sarah?” the name tumbled from your lips before you could stop it.
her eyes widened, her hand flying to her mouth as if to stop herself from crying out. shock rippled across her face, her features softening and trembling all at once. she didn’t say a word, not at first. she just stood there, eyes scanning your face like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
then, suddenly, her arms were around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. “oh my god,” she breathed, her voice quivering with disbelief. her grip was strong, desperate, as though letting go would make you vanish again.
the eyes of her friends were on you, you could feel their curious stares, but you didn’t care. at least now, you knew it was really her.
“sarah,” you repeated, your voice cracking. the name felt strange on your tongue after so many years, but it was real. she was real.
“it can’t be you,” she whispered, her breath hitching. “it can’t be.” she pulled back just enough to look at you, her hands gripping your shoulders as tears pooled in her eyes. her gaze darted across your features, her trembling lips curving into a smile of disbelief. “it’s you,” she said again, shaking her head, her voice catching in her throat. “it’s really you.”
tears blurred your vision, your chest tightening as you threw your arms around her this time. you held on tightly, suppressing the sobs clawing at your throat. “sarah,” you said again, her name a lifeline tethering you to the moment.
“are you—are you back?” she asked breathlessly, pulling back just enough to search your face. her voice was thick with emotion, her words tumbling out in a rush. “are you back for good?”
“i am,” you managed, your voice shaky but sure. “i’m back, sarah. for good this time.”
she laughed through her tears, pressing a hand to her chest like she couldn’t believe it. “you have no idea,” she began, her voice breaking, “how much i’ve missed you. how much we’ve missed you.”
she turned then, gesturing toward her group of friends who had been watching the reunion unfold. “guys, this is,” She paused, the words catching in her throat as she turned back to you, her eyes still wide with disbelief. “this is my best friend growing up. this is—”
you gave them a nervous smile as sarah continued, her excitement bubbling over. she rattled off introductions, naming each of them—jj, the boy with the shaggy blonde hair who had lost the race; john b, whose gaze lingered on you with a kind curiosity; and a few others who smiled warmly despite the obvious confusion etched on their faces. they greeted you with nods and hesitant smiles, but you barely registered it. your heart was pounding, your focus still tethered to sarah.
then, almost without thinking, you asked the question. “is rafe here?”
sarah’s face shifted, a flicker of something unreadable crossing her features. you noticed jj and john b exchange a quick glance, something unspoken passing between them.
“he was just here,” sarah finally said, her voice quieter now, almost cautious. “racing.”
the realization hit you like a wave, the memory of the second racer—the tall blond with the piercing blue eyes—crashing over you. your breath caught in your throat as the pieces fell into place. the familiarity you’d felt, the tension in his gaze—it had been him.
you blinked, the realization sinking in deeper than you wanted it to. that had been rafe. older, rougher around the edges, but still undeniably him. you barely heard sarah when she grabbed your hand and said, “come on, let’s head back to john b’s. we can talk there.” her friends nodded, beginning to walk, and you followed them automatically, your feet moving on instinct as your mind raced. sarah walked beside you, her hand gripping yours like she was afraid you’d disappear again.
the walk to john b’s house stretched longer than you anticipated, the weight of sarah’s questions and the unfamiliar tension in her friends' eyes making the air feel thicker than it should have. the sound of your footsteps crunched against the gravel path, each step sinking deeper into the realization that you were walking into a life that no longer felt like your own. the salty breeze carried the faint scent of bonfires and ocean spray, and yet it did little to settle the nerves curling in your stomach.
sarah had stayed close, her hand brushing yours occasionally as if afraid you might disappear again if she didn’t tether you somehow. you glanced sideways at her, taking in the subtle changes in her features—she was still sarah, but her edges had softened, her face more weathered by years of joy and hardship than the carefree girl you’d once known.
when the small house came into view, you nearly stopped in your tracks. it wasn’t the grand estate where you used to sit on the veranda sipping iced tea or sneaking snacks with sarah when ward wasn’t looking. it was modest, its weathered exterior standing in defiant contrast to the glossy life sarah had grown up in. surfboards leaned against the porch, the peeling paint whispered of simpler days, and the scent of fried food wafted from an open window.
“this is where you live now?” you asked softly, unable to mask the disbelief in your tone.
sarah hesitated, then nodded. “yeah,” she said, her voice carrying a mix of pride and resignation. “it’s home.”
you didn’t say anything else, but you couldn’t help wondering what had happened to bring her here. what had pulled her away from the life you once knew?
inside, the house was alive with chatter and movement, the kind of casual chaos you could only find among close friends. jj had thrown himself onto the couch, beer in hand, while kiara rummaged through a drawer for something. john b stood by the kitchen, leaning against the counter, his eyes flicking between you and sarah as if trying to read the situation.
but sarah didn’t let you linger in the room’s atmosphere for long. she tugged you toward the porch, where the sound of the waves was clearer, the salty breeze brushing against your skin. you sank onto the steps beside her, the wood warm beneath you from the day’s sun. for a moment, neither of you spoke.
“how could you?” she asked suddenly, her voice breaking the stillness like a clap of thunder.
you turned to her, startled. “what?”
her gaze was locked on the horizon, her hands gripping the edge of the step. “how could you just leave? how could you stay quiet for twelve years?” her voice trembled, her pain spilling out in waves.
you swallowed hard, the knot in your throat tightening. “sarah, i—”
“you didn’t even say goodbye,” she interrupted, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “you just disappeared. do you have any idea what that did to me? to all of us?”
your breath hitched, and you looked down at your hands, unable to meet her gaze. “i didn’t have a choice,” you said quietly.
her head snapped toward you, her expression a mix of confusion and anger. “what does that even mean?”
“something happened,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “something horrible. and i couldn’t stay. i had to face it.”
her anger melted away, replaced by a sorrow so deep it made your chest ache. “what happened?” she asked softly, her hand reaching for yours.
you shook your head, biting back the emotions threatening to spill over. “i can’t talk about it. not yet.”
she nodded slowly, her fingers tightening around yours. “okay,” she said, her voice steady despite the tears in her eyes. “but promise me you’ll tell me one day.”
“i promise,” you said, your voice cracking under the weight of the moment. the silence returned, heavier this time, until you found the courage to break it. “what about rafe?”
her breath caught, and she pulled her hand back, folding her arms tightly across her chest. “what about him?”
“i need to see him,” you said, your heart pounding.
kiara’s voice cut in from the doorway, sharp and unflinching. “you don’t want to do that.”
you turned to her, frowning. “why not?”
“because nobody here is friends with rafe,” she said, her tone laced with bitterness.
you turned back to sarah, your stomach sinking. “what does she mean? what happened to him?”
sarah’s expression darkened, and she looked away, her fingers tracing invisible patterns on the wood. “he’s not the same,” she said finally. “he’s gotten into some bad things. drugs. crime. hurting people. he’s not the rafe you remember.”
the words hit you like a punch to the gut, the air rushing from your lungs. “no,” you whispered, shaking your head. “that can’t be true.”
“he tried to kill me,” sarah said, her voice trembling. “he’s different now.”
you stared at her, your mind racing, memories of the boy you once knew flashing before your eyes. without thinking, you stood, your chest tight and your breathing uneven. “i need a minute,” you muttered, stepping off the porch.
“wait,” sarah said, her gaze dropping to your hand. her brow furrowed as she leaned closer. “you still have that?”
you followed her gaze to the small metal ring on your pinky, its once shiny surface now dull and worn. “i haven’t taken it off,” you said quietly. “not once these twelve years.”
her breath hitched, and tears filled her eyes. “he gave you that,” she whispered, her voice trembling.
you nodded, your throat tightening. “he did.”
she reached out, her fingers brushing against the ring. “even after everything?”
you swallowed hard, the weight of the ring heavier than ever. “especially after everything.”
her tears spilled over, and she pulled you into a hug, her breath shaky against your shoulder. “we’ll find him,” she said softly. “we’ll fix this. somehow.” but as you pulled away, the doubt lingered in her eyes—and in yours.
your walk was slow, your feet dragging against the dusty path as your mind swirled with thoughts of what sarah had told you. the crisp evening air nipped at your skin, and the faint hum of crickets filled the silence. your fingers brushed against the cool metal of the ring on your pinky, twisting it around absentmindedly as you tried to piece together how everything could have gone so wrong.
the roadside bar loomed ahead, a place frozen in time. its weathered wooden sign creaked faintly in the breeze, illuminated by a flickering neon light that buzzed softly. this was a place your father and ward used to frequent, their laughter and hushed conversations floating in your memory like ghosts. you hesitated for a moment, gripping the ring tighter before pushing open the heavy door.
the smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke hit you first, the dim light casting shadows that danced across the scuffed wooden floor. the low murmur of voices and the crack of pool balls filled the room, but the moment you stepped inside, it felt like every pair of eyes turned to you. men leaned against the bar, their gazes lingering a little too long, and a few heads turned in the corner where a card game was underway. your pulse quickened, and you adjusted your stance, trying not to show the nerves that prickled beneath your skin.
you found an empty stool near the bar and slid onto it, the worn leather cool against your legs. the bartender, a woman with kind eyes and a bright smile, approached. she leaned slightly over the counter, her voice warm. “hi, sugar, what can i get you?”
her friendliness put you at ease, and you adjusted yourself on the stool, thinking back to the times you had sat on your father’s lap here as a child, the smell of whiskey and tobacco clinging to his clothes. you tried to remember what he would order, something simple, something that wouldn’t make you stand out.
“just a beer, thanks,” you answered, your voice steady despite the nerves fluttering in your chest.
she nodded and moved to grab a bottle, setting it down in front of you with a napkin. you paid, sliding the money across the counter, and took a sip, the bitter taste grounding you in the moment.
as you sat there, you let your thoughts wander. you thought about sarah’s words, about how rafe had spiraled into a person you could barely recognize. you thought about the ring on your finger, its weight heavier now than ever, and how you’d kept it on all these years as a symbol of a bond you once thought unbreakable. the sound of the door opening barely registered until you heard the voice.
“gin straight.”
it was deep, rough, and unmistakable. your stomach churned, your breath caught in your throat, and before you could stop yourself, you turned.
there he was, standing a few feet away at the bar, his profile sharp against the dim light. his buzzed hair was shorter than you remembered, his jaw more defined, but it was the same face that had haunted your memories for over a decade. he turned slowly, almost as if he could feel your gaze on him, and when his eyes locked onto yours, the world seemed to tilt off its axis.
it all stopped. the noise, the movement, the air in your lungs. everything came to a grinding halt as his piercing blue eyes met yours.
“rafe,” you exhaled, so quietly you weren’t sure if the word even escaped your lips, but it did.
his gaze stayed on you, unblinking, unreadable. for a moment, he didn’t move, as if frozen in place. then, hesitantly, he stepped closer. you held your breath as he reached out, his hand brushing yours as he lifted it to inspect the ring on your pinky.
he turned your hand slightly, his thumb grazing the metal as his jaw tensed. the silence between you was deafening, his face a mixture of disbelief and something you couldn’t place. but then, as quickly as he had reached for you, he let go, your hand falling limply to your side.
“rafe, please,” you said, your voice louder this time, tinged with desperation.
“no,” his response was barely audible, but the weight of it crushed you. he shook his head, stepping back. “no, you don’t get to do this.”
you blinked, your heart breaking at the quiet finality in his tone. “do what?” you asked, your voice trembling.
“you don’t get to come back after twelve years and act like everything’s the same,” he said, his voice low but sharp. “you don’t get to look at me like that.”
he grabbed his jacket from the stool beside him, abandoning the drink he’d ordered. you reached for him, stepping closer, but he moved away, his movements hurried, as if he couldn’t get out fast enough.
“rafe, wait!” you called after him, but he didn’t stop.
the door swung shut behind him, and you were left standing there, your heart in pieces on the scuffed wooden floor. you sat back down slowly, your hands trembling as you picked up your beer, the cool glass doing little to steady your nerves. tears pricked at your eyes, but you blinked them away, unwilling to break down in front of the strangers still watching you. the ring on your finger seemed heavier now, its meaning twisted and warped by the person rafe had become.
the world seemed to turn on you as you staggered along the dirt path, the alcohol buzzing in your veins far more than you'd intended. you cursed under your breath—why did you even drink in the first place? the bar was supposed to be a brief stop, a distraction. now, here you were, stumbling through the outskirts of town, hopelessly lost.
the cool night air pricked your skin, and you wrapped your arms around yourself for warmth. trees loomed overhead, their branches tangling into an almost suffocating canopy as you ventured deeper into unfamiliar woods. your steps were uneven, crunching against the dry leaves and snapping twigs underfoot. the stillness was eerie, broken only by the distant sound of crickets and the occasional rustle of something unseen.
you didn’t realize you had stopped until you heard faint voices carried on the breeze. they were low, hurried, almost conspiratorial. your muddled brain told you to turn around and leave, but something else—a mixture of curiosity and recklessness—drew you forward.
as you approached, the silhouettes of two figures came into view, faintly illuminated by the pale moonlight breaking through the trees. one was shorter, stocky, with buzzed, dark hair, a mustache, and a chain glinting around his neck. he was gesturing animatedly, his hands moving with the urgency of someone trying to make a quick deal. the other man stood taller, his broad shoulders stiff, his body language more guarded. it wasn’t until your unfocused gaze settled on his profile that your breath hitched in your throat.
even through the haze of alcohol, you could recognize him. the strong jawline, the tense set of his shoulders, the way he ran a hand through his short blond hair—it was unmistakable. but this rafe was different. the sight of him clutching a small, crumpled bag of powder made your stomach churn.
your eyes darted between the two men, trying to piece together the scene in front of you. money exchanged hands, crisp bills slipping from rafe’s grasp to the other man’s. the bag of powder followed, its stark white contents nearly glowing in the faint light. your chest tightened as the reality of what you were seeing hit you. a twig snapped beneath your foot.
both heads snapped in your direction instantly, their movements sharp and alert. rafe’s eyes widened, his entire body tensing as he registered your presence.
you took a step forward, anger and disbelief swirling together in a volatile mix. “really, rafe?” the words came out harsher than you intended, but you couldn’t stop them. “this is what you’ve been up to?”
the shorter man frowned, his expression shifting into one of irritation. “excuse me,” he said with a mocking edge, “this is a private transaction.”
you ignored him, your focus locked on rafe. he sighed heavily, dragging a hand down his face as if trying to summon patience. fully turning to you, his jaw clenched tight, he spoke with a tone that brooked no argument. “this doesn’t concern you.”
“who's this, country club?” the dark-haired man asked with an amused smirk. “got yourself a girlfriend?”
rafe didn’t answer, but the anger in his eyes was unmistakable. it wasn’t just anger—it was frustration, shame, and something deeper, something raw.
your own emotions bubbled over. “you know what? fine.” you reached into your pocket, fumbling for your wallet. “i’ll join the fun. i want some too.”
rafe’s reaction was immediate. he grabbed your wrist, his grip firm but not painful, his eyes boring into yours with a mixture of disbelief and fury. “what the hell are you doing?”
“what?” you shrugged, yanking your arm free as you pulled out a few bills. “you can have fun, and i can’t?”
he leaned closer, lowering his voice to a furious hiss. “you think this is fun?” his eyes darted to the other man, who was now watching with an amused grin, clearly entertained by the unfolding drama. rafe’s attention snapped back to you, his expression dark. “i’m dealing with shit, okay? now, i know you’ve been gone for a while, but this—” he gestured around him, his tone bitter—“this is the way things are now.”
you let out a hollow laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. “dealing with shit? this is your solution?”
rafe clenched his jaw, his hands flexing at his sides. for a moment, it seemed like he might say something, but instead, he abruptly slammed the small bag of powder onto the ground, startling both you and his associate. without another word, he grabbed your arm, yanking you away from the scene with a force that left no room for argument. the shorter man called after him, his voice dripping with annoyance, but rafe didn’t even glance back.
you wrenched your arm free from rafe’s grasp, the momentum staggering you backward a step. his grip had been strong, almost desperate, and as you finally stood still, you took him in.
the years hadn’t been kind, and yet, they had. he was sharper somehow, more defined. his jawline was stronger, his shoulders broader, but his eyes—god, his eyes. the bright blue you remembered so vividly had dimmed, clouded over with something you couldn’t quite name. he looked good, and yet, he looked like a man you barely recognized.
“what the hell is your problem?” the words slipped out before you could stop them, your voice sharp and cutting.
rafe was already pacing, his hands on his hips, his head tilting back as he let out a bitter laugh. he dragged his palms down his face, his movements frantic, unstable. “what’s my problem?” he repeated, his voice laced with mockery. “let’s see, what’s my problem?” he turned to face you, his expression twisted with something you couldn’t quite name—anger, hurt, disbelief, maybe all of it at once. “maybe it has to do with you, showing up after twelve years.”
his words hit like a slap, but he wasn’t done. “i mean, what’d you think? that we’d hug, hold hands, shed a few tears? that it’d be like old times?” his voice rose as he took a step closer. “after you left? after you left?”
the weight of his words made your chest tighten, guilt curling in your stomach like a living thing. you opened your mouth to respond, but he cut you off, his voice growing louder, more unstable. “you thought we’d just pick things up where we left off? are you that delusional?”
he leaned in close, his face inches from yours, and jabbed his fingers against his temple as if trying to make sense of it all. his words spilled out in a rushed, angry torrent, each one hitting you like a blow. “you left, and you stayed gone. you didn’t call, didn’t write. hell, you didn’t even think to check if i was still breathing.”
“she died, rafe,” you said, your voice cracking under the weight of your words.
the sentence stopped him mid-rant. his pacing halted, his brow furrowing as he turned to look at you, truly look at you, for the first time. “what are you talking about?” he asked, his voice quieter but no less intense. “who died?”
your chest tightened, and it took everything in you to speak the words aloud. “my mom, rafe,” you said, the pain evident in every syllable. “she died, and we had to go back. we didn’t have a choice. and when we did, we couldn’t face coming back here. it was too much—it’s still too much.”
rafe’s face crumbled, the anger draining from his expression as sorrow took its place. he ran a hand through his hair, his gaze dropping to the ground as he processed your words. your mom. the woman who had always cared for him in ways his own mother never had. the woman who had bandaged his scraped knees and made him dinner when rose was too busy entertaining guests. she was gone.
the silence stretched between you, heavy and suffocating. finally, rafe spoke, his voice softer than before. “why are you back?”
you swallowed hard, your hands trembling at your sides. “i came back for you,” you answered, your voice steady despite the tears welling in your eyes.
for a brief moment, something in his face softened—something familiar, something achingly rafe. but then he shook his head, his gaze hardening once more. “don’t,” he murmured, almost a plea. “i’m not the same person anymore, and i haven’t been for a long time.”
“i don’t care, rafe,” you shot back, your voice rising with desperation. “nothing could ever change the way i see you. please—”
“stop.”
“no,” you interrupted, your heart breaking with every word. “i know you, rafe. i know who you are underneath all of this. you’re still the same boy i grew up with, the same boy who—”
“stop!” his voice cracked, loud and raw, silencing you. he took a step back, his chest heaving as he struggled to keep himself together. “you don’t know me anymore. you don’t know what i’ve done, what i’ve become. you don’t want this, trust me.”
“i do,” you insisted, tears streaming down your face. “i want you. i came back for you because i never stopped caring. please, rafe, just—”
“i can’t,” he said, his voice breaking as he turned away. he grabbed his jacket from the ground, his movements hurried and clumsy. “i can’t do this.”
“rafe, please!” you called after him, your voice echoing through the trees. but he didn’t turn around. he walked away, his figure disappearing into the shadows, leaving you standing there, shattered and alone.
your knees gave out, and you collapsed to the ground, sobs wracking your body. the ache in your chest was unbearable, like someone had reached in and ripped your heart out. you buried your face in your hands, the cold dirt beneath you offering little comfort. your head throbbed, the pain sharp and unrelenting. the world around you spun, the trees and stars blending together into a dizzying blur. and then, everything went black.
rafe clutched the steering wheel with both hands, his knuckles white as he sped down the dark, empty streets. the tears that streaked his cheeks blurred his vision, but he didn’t care. he couldn’t stop the flood now. this was his only safe place to fall apart—behind the wheel, alone in the cocoon of his car, where no one could see, no one could judge. his chest heaved as sob after sob broke free, and the memories he had buried for so long clawed their way back to the surface. he could still see it, clear as day. the moment everything changed.
he had been eleven years old, standing on your porch, knocking on your door. it had been like any other day—he’d woken up with a plan to drag you outside and teach you something new. maybe you’d climb trees together, or he’d show you how to skip rocks at the creek. you always lit up when he taught you something; it made him feel like a hero.
but when no one answered the door that day, his excitement faded to confusion. he tried again, banging harder, calling your name. still, nothing. the house was eerily quiet, no muffled footsteps, no voices, no sound of the television in the background. he glanced around, noticing for the first time that your father’s car wasn’t parked in the driveway. his heart sank. something felt wrong.
he pushed the door open—it was never locked back then—and stepped inside. the air was still, heavy, as though the house itself had lost its heartbeat. “hello?” he called, his voice echoing faintly. othing. no one. rafe felt panic prick at the edges of his chest as he backed out of the house and ran down the street to his own. when he slipped through the side door, he heard voices. quiet, tense, the kind of voices that told him he wasn’t supposed to be listening.
he crept toward the living room, where his mother and father were standing close, their voices low and hurried. rose’s arms were crossed, her lips pressed into a thin line as ward leaned in closer to her, his face drawn with worry. sarah sat on the couch, her small shoulders shaking as she cried into her hands. rafe froze in the doorway, staring at them.
ward was the first to notice him. his father’s eyes softened, the corners of his mouth pulling into an expression rafe rarely saw from him—sympathy. “dad,” rafe said quietly, stepping further into the room. “she wasn’t home, so i came back.”
he glanced at sarah, confused and a little scared. “why’s she crying?”
rose and ward exchanged a look, a wordless conversation passing between them. finally, ward sighed, walking over to his son. he crouched down, his large hands resting on rafe’s small shoulders. “she’s not going to be home for a very, very long time,” ward said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.
rafe frowned, trying to understand. “why not? where’d she go?”
ward didn’t answer. instead, for the first time in as long as rafe could remember, his father pulled him into a hug. a real hug, not the kind meant to placate or perform, but one that felt like comfort. one that made Rafe’s chest ache because he didn’t realize how much he needed it.
“i know it’s hard, son,” ward murmured against his ear. “but she’s gone now.”
rafe let his father hold him that day, clinging to the one solid thing he had as his mind raced to comprehend what “gone” meant. the realization hit later, slowly and painfully, when day after day, week after week, he knocked on your door and was met with silence. for a whole year, he went back, hoping, praying that one day you’d answer. but you never did.
and now, twelve years later, you were here again. like a ghost, like a dream he’d stopped believing in. rafe wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, pulling himself out of the memory as he glanced to the side. his heart clenched when he saw you slumped in the passenger seat, unconscious. your face was pale, your body limp, and the sight made him grip the steering wheel harder.
he took a shaky breath, his eyes lingering on you for a moment longer. you looked so small, so vulnerable, like the girl he used to know and the stranger you had become all at once. “i'm sorry,” he whispered, the words catching in his throat as he turned his gaze back to the road.
the world was hazy when you opened your eyes, the faint, warm glow of a lamp on the bedside table guiding you back to consciousness. your head throbbed, the dull ache intensifying with each second, and for a moment, you weren’t sure where you were. slowly, you blinked, your vision sharpening. the room around you felt familiar.
a large bed cradled you in its softness, the smooth fabric cool against your skin. the lamp’s golden light cast gentle shadows on the walls, illuminating a painting hanging across from the bed—a serene coastal landscape you swore you’d seen before. beneath the painting sat a neat stack of white drawers. the faint sound of cicadas chirping outside suggested it was night, but how long had you been out? an hour? two? you brought a shaky hand to your temple, pressing lightly against the pounding pain in your head as you tried to piece together how you got here. then you saw him.
rafe was sitting on the edge of the bed, his broad shoulders hunched slightly, his hands clasped together as if he were trying to hold himself together. his eyes, red and puffy, were fixed on you, his expression a mixture of relief, guilt, and something deeper—something unspoken. your lips parted, your voice faint as you murmured, “rafe.” the sound of his name felt foreign on your tongue, yet familiar, like a forgotten melody.
he didn’t respond immediately, just continued to watch you, his throat bobbing as he swallowed thickly.
“rafey,” you whispered, your voice cracking as your senses fully returned. the nickname slipped out before you could stop it, dragging you both back to a time when things were simpler, softer. a time when you’d tug on his sleeve and call him that, and he’d groan in mock annoyance, but secretly love it.
to your surprise, he smiled—small, fragile, but real. “you haven’t called me that in a long time,” he murmured, his voice rough around the edges but warm in a way that made your chest tighten.
you shifted, straightening your back and sitting up to get a better look at him. the movement made you grimace as your headache flared, but you ignored it. you couldn’t think about yourself right now—not when he was here, not when he was looking at you like that. you must be a mess, you thought. your hair was probably tangled, your makeup smeared, and your clothes wrinkled from sleep. but if rafe thought so, he didn’t show it. his gaze remained steady, unwavering, as though you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“i’m sorry,” you blurted, the words escaping like they had a mind of their own. your throat tightened, and the floodgates opened before you could stop them. “i’m so sorry, rafe.”
your voice cracked as the first tear fell, and then another, until they were streaming freely down your cheeks. the weight of years of guilt and regret crushed you, leaving you breathless and trembling.
“please, don’t cry,” rafe murmured, his voice soft and pleading. he climbed into the bed beside you, reaching out to gently wipe your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. his touch was tender, careful, like he was afraid you might shatter. he had never enjoyed seeing you cry. not when you were kids, and certainly not now.
“i couldn’t have stopped it, could i?” you choked out, your voice trembling. “i could’ve helped you, but i wasn’t there. i left you, rafe. i left you, and look what happened.”
his hands cupped your face, tilting it upward so you had no choice but to meet his gaze. his blue eyes, raw and filled with emotion, bore into yours. “of course you could’ve,” he whispered, his tone tinged with something like sorrow. “nobody could’ve stopped me, but you.” your heart clenched at his words, the truth of them cutting deeper than any blade.
“but,” he added, his thumbs brushing away the fresh tears that streaked your face, “it’s not your fault you weren’t here. you couldn’t have known.” he leaned in slightly, his forehead nearly brushing yours. “you’re here now,” he whispered, his voice steady, reassuring.
you nodded, the lump in your throat too big to speak around. his warmth seeped into you, his presence grounding you in a way nothing else could. his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close until you were cradled in his lap. your head rested against his chest, the steady thrum of his heartbeat calming the storm inside you. for a moment, it felt like the world had stopped spinning. it was just you and rafe, tangled together, trying to piece each other back together.
he shifted slightly, his hand brushing against yours, and his gaze dropped. his fingers stilled when they grazed the small, tarnished ring on your hand. “i can’t believe you’ve kept it all these years,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
you looked down, following his gaze to the ring he’d given you all those years ago. it was simple, unassuming, but it had meant everything to you.
“it’s all i had left of you,” you admitted, your voice trembling.
rafe’s fingers closed around yours, lifting your hand to his lips. he pressed a soft kiss against the cool metal of the ring, then another against your knuckles. the tenderness of the gesture sent a fresh wave of tears streaming down your cheeks.
“you’ve got me now,” he said, his voice low and certain. he placed your hand against his chest, directly over his heart. your breath hitched as his gaze locked onto yours. his eyes flicked down to your lips, then back up, searching for permission. you gave it with a barely perceptible nod, and in the next heartbeat, he leaned in.
the kiss was soft, hesitant at first, as though he were afraid of breaking the fragile moment. but as your lips moved against his, the hesitation melted away, replaced by something deeper, something more desperate. his hands cupped your face again, tilting it just right as he kissed you like he’d been waiting twelve years to do it. and maybe he had.
your hands found their way to his shoulders, clinging to him like he was the only solid thing in a world that had shifted beneath your feet. his lips were warm and soft, moving with a purpose that made your heart race. time seemed to stretch, the rest of the world fading into nothing as you lost yourself in him. it wasn’t rushed or hurried; it was slow, deliberate, filled with all the emotions you hadn’t been able to say out loud.
the moment lingered, your foreheads pressed together as your breaths mingled in the quiet intimacy of the room. rafe’s hands stayed on your face, his thumbs gently stroking your cheeks as if he were memorizing every inch of you. his blue eyes burned into yours, filled with an intensity that made your heart race and your stomach flutter.
his lips brushed yours again—tentative, almost like a question. when you didn’t pull away, he deepened the kiss, the motion slow and deliberate. his lips moved against yours with a softness that contradicted the desperation in the way his hands held you, like you might disappear if he loosened his grip.
your fingers slid up from his shoulders, tangling in his hair as you tilted your head, giving him better access. he took the invitation greedily, his kisses growing bolder, more insistent. his hands left your face, one settling at the base of your neck while the other pressed gently against the small of your back, pulling you impossibly closer.
when he finally broke the kiss, you were breathless, your lips tingling from the way he’d kissed you like he was afraid it might be his last chance. but he didn’t go far. his lips found your jaw, pressing soft, lingering kisses down its curve. “rafey,” you murmured, your voice barely audible as your head tilted instinctively, giving him more room.
the sound of his nickname, the one only you were allowed to use, on your lips seemed to spur him on. his kisses trailed lower, down to the sensitive spot just below your ear, where his lips lingered, warm and soft against your skin. a shiver ran through you, and you felt his smile against your neck, like he knew exactly what he was doing to you.
“tell me to stop,” he whispered, his breath warm against your skin. but there was no hesitation in his voice, no real expectation that you would.
“don’t stop,” you replied, your fingers tightening in his hair.
he groaned softly, the sound low and rumbling, sending a wave of heat through you. his lips continued their journey, trailing down the column of your neck, his kisses deliberate and unhurried. he paused at the base of your throat, pressing a kiss there that was more reverent than anything else, like he was worshipping you.
your breath hitched as his lips moved lower, brushing against your collarbone. his hands shifted, one sliding to your waist, the other splayed against your back, keeping you anchored to him. his lips lingered on your collarbone, the warmth of his mouth contrasting with the cool air of the room.
“rafe, please,” you whispered again, your voice trembling.
he pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark and filled with something you couldn’t quite name. his thumb brushed against your cheek, his touch gentle despite the fire in his gaze.
“you’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice raw and earnest.
a tear slipped down your cheek, and he caught it with his thumb, shaking his head slightly as if he couldn’t believe you were here, in his arms, letting him hold you like this.
“you don’t have to cry anymore,” he whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth, then another to the opposite side. “i’ve got you now. you’re not going anywhere.” his words settled in your chest, a balm to the ache that had been there for years. you believed him. you felt it in the way he held you, the way he kissed you, the way he looked at you like you were his entire world.
his lips found yours again, this time softer, slower—like he was savoring you, trying to memorize the feel of you against him. his hand cradled the back of your head, his fingers threading gently through your hair as his other hand rested at your waist, keeping you steady.
you melted into him, your hands gripping his shoulders as his warmth enveloped you. he kissed you like he was afraid to rush, as though he wanted to take his time and show you everything he couldn’t put into words.
when he pulled back, his lips hovered just above yours, his breath warm and uneven against your skin. his thumb brushed your cheek, his touch impossibly tender.
“i’ve thought about this,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “about you. about us. for years, i thought i’d lost you for good.” his blue eyes searched yours, his vulnerability shining through.
“i’m here now,” you replied softly, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw. “and i’m not going anywhere.”
he let out a shaky breath, his forehead resting against yours as if grounding himself in your presence. “i don’t deserve you,” he admitted, his voice breaking slightly. “not after everything i’ve done, after the person i’ve become.”
your heart ached at his words, at the pain you could hear in his voice. you cupped his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. “rafe,” you said firmly, your voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions coursing through you. “you deserve love, just like anyone else. and i’ve always believed in you. always.”
a tear slipped down his cheek, and you caught it with your thumb, your heart breaking and mending all at once. he leaned into your touch, his eyes closing briefly as if he was letting your words sink in.
“i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” he whispered, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. “if you’ll let me.”
you didn’t answer with words. instead, you closed the distance between you, kissing him with a softness that spoke volumes. he responded immediately, his hands sliding down to your hips as he pulled you closer. the kiss deepened naturally, his lips moving against yours with a newfound urgency, but still gentle—always gentle with you. his hands remained steady on your waist, grounding you as his lips traveled once more, pressing kisses along your jaw, down the curve of your neck.
you tilted your head, giving him more access as his lips found the sensitive spot beneath your ear. a soft sigh escaped you, and you felt his smile against your skin. “you’re incredible,” he whispered against your neck, his voice low and filled with awe. “every piece of you. i don’t know how i got so lucky.”
your fingers found their way into his shirt, tugging gently as his kisses trailed lower, to the hollow of your throat. his lips pressed there for a moment, lingering as if the feel of your heartbeat beneath his lips anchored him. when he finally pulled back to look at you, his eyes were darker now, filled with a mix of emotions—adoration, desire, and something deeper, something that made your stomach flutter.
“you have no idea how long i’ve waited for this,” he murmured, his hands sliding up to cradle your face again. “to have you here, to hold you, to kiss you. i thought i’d never get this chance.”
“you have me now,” you said softly, your voice trembling with the weight of the moment. “i’m yours, rafe. always.”
the words seemed to shatter something in him. he leaned in, capturing your lips in another kiss—this one more heated, more desperate, as if he was trying to pour every unspoken word, every unshed tear into the connection. his hands wandered to your back, pulling you flush against him as he kissed you deeper, his lips leaving no part of yours unexplored. when he finally broke away, his lips trailed along your jaw, to the sensitive spot below your ear, down your neck, and finally to your collarbone.
you shivered under his touch, your breath hitching as his hands skimmed your sides, his fingers brushing against your waist with a tenderness that made your heart ache. “you’re everything,” he murmured against your skin, his voice filled with reverence. “everything i’ve ever wanted.”
his touch seemed to grow bolder, his hands moving to the buttons of your blouse. you helped him, eager to feel the heat of his skin against yours. the fabric parted with a harsh tug, revealing the simple, lacy bra that had been hidden beneath. his eyes darkened as he took in the sight, his breathing growing ragged.
“so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down your spine. his fingers traced the edge of the lace, his eyes never leaving yours. the anticipation was almost unbearable, your heart racing as you waited for his next move.
when he finally did, it was with a gentle touch that belied the intensity in his gaze. he cupped one of your tits, his thumb brushing against the nipple until it tightened into a peak. you gasped at the sensation, arching into his touch. his praises grew more fervent as he played with your sensitive flesh, his voice a soft, muffled whisper that seemed to wrap around you as he pressed the surface of his tongue alongside the valley of your boobs, making you feel desired in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time.
his other hand found the zipper of your skirt, pulling it down with a slow deliberateness that had you squirming in anticipation. the fabric fell away, pooling around your ankles, leaving you in just your panties and bra. the look in his eyes was one of pure hunger, but it was tempered with a love so fierce it stole your breath away.
he leaned in, his mouth capturing one of your nipples through the lace, his tongue teasing it into a hardened point. you moaned, your hands fisting in his shirt. you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin, the wetness of his mouth, the roughness of the fabric against your sensitized flesh.
his hand slid down, hooking into the waistband of your panties. you lifted your hips slightly, allowing him to pull them down your legs. the coolness of the air against your bare cunt was an incredible contrast to the heat of his touch. you allowed him to pull your panties down, feeling exposed and vulnerable, yet safe in his arms.
his eyes traveled over your body, taking in every inch of you as if he were worshipping a goddess. his gaze made you feel powerful, beautiful, and utterly wanted. his hands found your hips, his thumbs digging in slightly as he tugged you closer to him. the fabric of his own clothes were rough against your skin, a reminder that this was real, that he was really here, touching you with a love that seemed to consume him.
his mouth moved down, kissing a path from your neck to your chest, pausing to worship each tit in turn. his teeth grazed the flesh gently, making you gasp as he sucked and nibbled. it was erotic, the way he took his time, savoring every moment as if it might be his last. you felt the ache between your legs, the wetness growing slicker with every kiss, every caress.
his hand slid down, his fingers slipping into your wetness, exploring your folds with a gentle yet firm touch. your eyes fluttered closed, your head falling back as he found your clit, stroking it with a precision that made your legs tremble. “fuck, rafe,” you moaned, your voice a breathless whisper.
he kissed you deeply, his hand never leaving your pussy as he began to rub circles around your clit, increasing the pressure with every pass. you could feel yourself getting closer, the tension building like the crescendo of a symphony. his thumb circled your clit as his forefinger slid into your wetness, the sensation sending waves of pleasure through your body.
his mouth moved to your ear, his breath hot and heavy. “i love you,” he whispered, the words sending a shiver down your spine. “i’ve loved you for so long. i wanna make you feel so good, to show you just how much you mean to me. can i?”
you nodded, unable to form words as the orgasm crashed over you, your body shuddering with the force of it. he didn’t stop, his hand moving faster, his thumb pressing harder until you were panting and trembling in his arms. when you finally stilled, he kissed you again, a gentle press of his lips to yours, his tongue sliding in to taste you.
his hands slid away, and you felt the loss acutely, but only for a moment. he stepped back, his own shirt and pants joining the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. his cock stood erect, showing you what you did to him in every sense of the word. you couldn’t help but stare, taking in the sight of him—his chiseled abs, the muscles in his arms, the way his chest rose and fell with every ragged breath.
“you’re so beautiful, rafe,” you whispered, your voice filled with awe.
his eyes never left yours as he stepped closer, his hands coming up to cradle your face again. “says you,” he murmured, the words a declaration that sent a thrill through your body.
his cock brushed against your stomach, hot and hard, and you reached for it, wrapping your hand around it. he groaned, his hips jerking slightly at the contact. you began to stroke him, your hand moving up and down in a slow, steady rhythm that had his eyes fluttering shut.
his hand slid down to your pussy again, his fingers finding your entrance. he slid one inside you, the sensation making you moan. he watched your face as he began to move it in and out, his thumb circling your clit. your breath grew shallow as the pleasure built again, your legs threatening to give out.
his eyes snapped open, a fierce love shining in their depths. “don’t think i’ll be able to stop myself,” he growled, his voice thick with desire. “are you sure you can handle it?” you nodded, unable to form words. your heart was racing, your body more than ready for him. he kissed you once more, his hand guiding his cock to your entrance.
the first push was slow, deliberate, giving you time to adjust to his size. he groaned, his eyes never leaving yours as he inched inside you. it felt like coming home, like the missing piece of a puzzle sliding into place. the feeling was so intense that you had to bite your lip to keep from crying out. once fully seated, he paused, his chest heaving against yours. “are you okay?” he whispered, his voice strained with restraint.
you nodded again, feeling a mix of pleasure and pain as he stretched you. you reached up, pulling his head down for a deep, desperate kiss. “i’m okay, fuck. make love to me, rafe,” you urged.
his eyes searched yours for a moment before a fierce smile spread across his face. he began to move, his strokes long and slow, each one driving him deeper. you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, your nails digging into his back. the room was filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin, your gasps and moans mingling with the crash of the waves outside.
his hand found your tit again, his thumb teasing your nipple as his hips rocked against yours. he picked up the pace, the friction building a delicious ache deep inside you. “you’re so wet, so tight,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. “feel so good, baby.”
the words spurred you on, your hips moving in sync with his. you could feel yourself getting closer again, the tension coiling tighter and tighter. “yes, rafe, yes!” you moaned, your voice echoing in the room. his hand slid down to your clit, his fingers moving in time with his thrusts. the sensation was almost too much for you to handle.
his strokes grew more erratic, his breathing more ragged, and you knew he was close. “gonna cum, baby,” he grunted, his eyes never leaving yours. “gonna fill your pussy up, make you mine forever.”
the raw possessiveness in his voice sent you over the edge. you came hard, your body convulsing around him as wave after wave of pleasure crashed through you. he followed soon after, his cock pulsing inside you, filling you with his warmth.
you held onto him tightly, your breathing matching his, as the world outside the mansion faded away. it was just the two of you, connected in a way you’d never been before. as the aftershocks of your orgasm faded, you felt his weight shift, his body collapsing slightly against yours. it felt like the end to a dream, to something you’ve been chasing after your entire life, but it was only the beginning.
he didn’t pull out, and he wouldnt for a while. instead, he looked up at you, pushing away the sweaty strands of hair that stuck to your forehead. as he did so, his gaze dropped to the ring wrapped around your finger, slick with sweat. “pretty cheap for an engagement ring,” he murmured. “you should throw it out.”
you couldn’t help but frown, “why?”
“so that i can get you a better one.”
⋆. 𐙚 ˚
a/n: ok guys yes im aware that canon rafe would NOT be this sweet lovey dovey hopeless romantic but idgaf i have free will and tumblr so grease my feet
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fairestwriting · 3 months ago
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Azul, Ruggie, and Lilia seeing their crush sleeping with a plush that looks like them! (An octopus plush, hyena doll, and a bat!)
𐙚 Azul Ashengrotto
When he tries to think of a sea creature that could make for a good design for a plush toy, octopi definitely aren’t the first to come to mind. It’s not like he’s never seen an octopus plush before. He just can’t bring himself to think they look cute and cuddly enough, they read more like a marketing mistake to him— or that’s what he would want others to believe, at least.
He actually has a bit of a soft spot for plush toys. They’re not much of a thing back home, where fabric usage is restricted only to things that can survive the harshness of the salt water. The plushies he’s seen for sale there aren’t as cute looking as the ones he’s seen on land, he’s firmly decided, then kept it to himself because the thought of having opinions on “children’s toys” at his age feels too embarrassing.
Azul maybe had a passing thought about you owning an octopus plush before, but dismissed it as him being kind of desperate. After all, even landmade octopus plushes aren’t really that cute, are they… you’d probably prefer something that’s easier to hold. And that’s if you even like that kind of stuff at all— He honestly thinks of you so highly sometimes, the idea of you owning plush toys feels unrealistic. Even if that thought itself doesn’t make that much sense.
You maybe had invited him over to study, the day he walks in and sees you with that plush, and it almost made him trip on nothing when he did. ”Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be asleep! Would you prefer I come back some other time?” He says in a flustered rush, it’s really a trial for him to get his thoughts back together if you, on top of everything else, ask him to stay. Inside his mind, the scene is crystallized like a crucial memory, and he feels flustered all over again when he comes back to it. If you two did study that day, he didn’t memorize a single word.
𐙚 Ruggie Bucchi
He’s seen little plush hyenas on storefronts back home, there’s been periods where they were trendy in his neighborhood too. Maybe he’s even mended one of the toys before, or purchased one or two to give out as a gift. They’re all far from being high quality, probably even a little wonky looking, he never thought too much about them.
If you ever expressed an interest in plushies, he’s definitely made you a little something as a gift. Maybe a plush keychain, since sewing a doll by hand would require an amount of time he sadly doesn’t have. It may have been a hyena or not, when doing this his first thought is to go for whatever your favorite animal is, and hyenas aren’t exactly the most popular, right? The association of the gift with himself doesn’t really come to mind at first.
Then, one day, he comes over to your dorm room to check up on you — it’s just a thing he likes doing from time to time — and he sees you asleep with the plushie in your arms. Ruggie’s heart melts, it immediately reminds him of home, he can’t resist taking a sneaky picture to keep to himself. “Shishi, I didn’t know you missed me so much while I was busy”, he lovingly teases you when you wake up. He’ll be curious about where you got it, wanting to know more about the “little guy”, as he calls it.
The whole thing makes him feel really proud of himself. He takes a little break to hang out with you and just relax for a moment, so you ”don’t have to feel lonely” when he leaves for his Lounge shift. One day, you come back to your bedroom to find out that a yellow bandana was tied around your doll’s neck, a tiny, embroidered thing made to look like the one Ruggie wears with his dorm uniform.
𐙚 Lilia Vanrouge
There’s no surprises here, because he 100% bought the plushie and gifted it to you himself. You couldn’t possibly beat him to it when he’s so often thinking about how endearing you are doing this or that. He walked by the store, the idea popped up in his mind, and so he executed his plan. It was only a matter of time until he would get to see you being cute with it.
Lilia’s very straightforward about it. “I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be too sad whenever I’m away,” He tells you when he hands over the gift, smiling wide. The plushie has an oddly really specific look, being bigger than what you’d imagine for a bat, with bead eyes that were almost the exact same color as his own. He may or may not have had it slightly altered. He was really a man on a mission with this one.
He already seems to linger around your dorm way too often, straight up inviting himself is a line he won’t cross, but he sure manages to find a lot of excuses to be around. Since giving you the plushie, it gets even more frequent. You hear lots of cheeky excuses, things about how he decided to try out Malleus’ exploration hobby, or supposed dorm vice leader duties that definitely don't exist. And he knows you don’t believe any of it too, he’s just being coy. It’s basically just one of the many ways he flirts with you.
When he shows up, Lilia tiptoes the line between your nightly free time and the moment you go to bed. He knows he could probably just watch you from outside the window, but where’s the fun in that? He wants to actually be allowed to get as close as he can, instead of just staring at a distant image through a glass pan. The night he finally sees it, he can’t stop smiling to himself. How silly, for an old man like him to get so giddy over something so small, he thinks while he giggles. You wake up to a single, slightly cryptic feeling text saying he’s happy you enjoyed his gift so much.
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