#and on some level recognize that he did a horrible thing to her

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Maybe the truth at the heart of Shadowstruck is the importance of family. Because the most compelling stories in this universe are about what happens when you tell parents that some of their children have no right to their love, care, and protection. It destroys what should be the strongest and most natural bonds of love, and that simple horrible thing leads to all the complicated problems in their oppressive society.

[obito-in-disguise]

| Arranged marriage! Itachi x reader |

Itachi's secret is out.

<<Prev

“tachi! tachi!” ever since she informed him of her boss’s atrocious actions, Itachi had spaced out in anger. His mind was running a million miles an hour thinking of all the horrible things he was going to do to that boss of hers for laying a finger on his wife.

“Itachi!” his eyes snap back to hers, he didn’t realize he had zoned out. He takes in a deep breath grasping her shoulders and pulling her closer.

“He did what?”

“He touched me…here” her hand reaches up to the collar of her button up shirt, pulling the fabric aside to show her cleavage. What he saw made Itachi’s face flush with white hot anger, a large bruise in the hazy shape of a man’s handprint marked her right breast.

“He groped my chest so I hit him but it hurt my hand and then...” Itachi had stopped listening at this point, his rage deafening him.

He jumps to feet without sparing another minute, grabbing his cloak and storming towards the door.

His destination? Her office. His mission? To teach the head of the intelligence department a lesson on respecting women. She didn’t need to be told, Y/N knew exactly what Itachi was going to do and as much as she would love to see Itachi pummel the sleeze that touched her, there were things at stake.

“Itachi please don’t! I’ll lose my job!” she chases after him frantically as he crosses the distance to the front door in long strides.

“Stay here” the look on his face is murderous, it doesn’t leave any room for argument.

She sits on the step of the foyer in resignation and panic, she was totally going to lose her job which contrary to popular opinion, she didn’t get through her connections to her grandfather but through her hard work.

She already socked her boss in the face this afternoon and now, her husband was on his way to fold him in half as well. Great just great. She had clawed her way to her current position at work, it took years of enduring slander and proving herself to reach the level she has now.

She knew the man had harassed her, and that there was no reason for her to want to keep it on the low. But, the sad reality is that things rarely go well for victims of work place harassment when they speak out against their aggressor.

The entire room was in chaos, papers were strewn around, furniture scattered and the workers of the intelligence department left in shock as they watched the famed Uchiha Itachi of the anbu walk into their office calmly, and dislocate their boss’ jaw with a punch that sent the intoxicated man halfway across the room.

A collection of gasps and screams could be heard as his body crashes through furniture and eventually skidds to a stop. Itachi simply steps over the furniture and objects in his path before heading towards his target again.

By this time, the remaining workers left in the office are yelling for Itachi to stop while others leave to get help. Itachi pays none of them mind as he gracefully lifts the man up from the ground up by his throat.

“What kind of animal would grope a woman so hard it leaves a bruise?” his voice is eerily calm and menacing, Itachi wants him to feel shame for his actions.

The room is dead quiet now, Itachi glances around and notes the looks of unease on some of the women’s faces. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this boss of theirs was a serial harasser, but unfortunately for him, he crossed the wrong woman and her husband today.

Itachi recognizes the man, Sei Fujioka, the newly appointed head of konoha’s intelligence agency. He had met him several times during missions, he seemed like any other regular person, Itachi would’ve never guessed the despicable things he was doing to women in his workplace.

“Most of these women standing here today are the backbone of this disgraceful agency. They strive and suffer, putting in more effort than you could ever muster but yet you bury their efforts and blame their success on nepotism and privilege”

Fujioka gapes at Itachi not knowing what to say, the pressure on his neck is almost unbearable and he has to support his weight by occasionally kicking his feet, his cheek stings both from Y/N’s hit earlier and Itachi’s this evening, but nothing compares to the sting of shame he feels.

He knows Itachi’s words are the truth, he found pleasure in keeping the women in the agency under his feet and harassing them because he knew they couldn’t speak out easily but, he certainly wasn’t going to be convicted to change his ways because Uchiha Itachi gave him a speech.

However, being pummeled and called out like this in front of all the people he dehumanized over the years definitely achieved Itachi’s goal of making him feel the same humiliation he repeatedly subjected his victims to.

The leaf’s police arrive soon after and take down the details of what happened, with the help of a respected member of the anbu like itachi’s confrontation and testimony, the women were finally able to come out and testify against Fujioka for his crimes against them.

That evening Sei Fujioka was led away from the building in handcuffs to jail, where he would await his trial for multiple counts of sexual harassment and sexual misconduct in the workplace.

It had been at least two hours since Itachi left and Y/N was worried sick. At one point, she considered going down there herself but the thought of seeing her boss’ face again so soon after what he did to her made her sick, so here she was waiting for Itachi to return.

She was no longer worried about losing her job, what good was staying at a job that put your physical and mental state in jeopardy, now she was more concerned about her husband’s safety. Itachi was more than capable of handling himself but still, she couldn’t help but be worried.

She must have been deep in thought because she didn’t notice Itachi had come in till he was standing in front of her, he smiles at her lack of awareness before reaching out a hand to gently shake her out of her thoughts.

Her heart drops in fear as she realizes Itachi has been here for a while now, she chuckles clutching her heart as she calms down from the fright. Itachi wastes no time in recounting the events that happened upon his arrival at the office.

Tears gather in her eyes as she watches him speak. If she wasn’t sure she loved him, she was sure now. This man in front of her singlehandedly went to her office in the middle of the night, beat the crap out of her boss for touching her, and put an end to the years of systemic harassment her and her coworkers faced all in one night.

She tackles him into a hug, causing him to stumble as he quickly recovers, hugging her back with just as much vigor. “I love you tachi”

Itachi’s eyes widen as he feels his heart drop into his stomach, he got so carried away with their little love story he completely forgot the implications of his health on their relationship. Please don’t love me, it’ll only hurt worse when I have to leave. Itachi sighs pulling her face out of his chest

“I’m sorry about earlier Y/N, when I first met you, I too accused you of nepotism, if I had known what was going on in your workplace I wouldn’t-“

“Its ok Itachi, trust me you’re nothing like that asshole” she hugs him once again but as soon as she does, her smile drops. Only a fool would miss how he didn’t say I love you back, she decides to drop it for tonight, maybe he didn’t hear her but If she told him she loves him again and he didn’t respond then she would definitely probe further.

“ow-owwwww it hurts!”

“Of course it hurts, you hurt you pretty hand because of that man, you should’ve left the hitting to me” Itachi comments as he cleans up her busted knuckles on the bathroom counter.

“He deserved it”

“of course he did but you got even more hurt in the process, come straight to me next time ok flower?” Itachi finishes up with the cleaning and swiftly wraps the hand in a bandage, placing a small kiss on it to ‘seal his love’ he would always say.

He leaves her on the counter before disappearing into the room to retrieve one of his shirts for her to change into. He returns a few minutes later and hands her the shirt.

For one reason or the other, they hadn’t done the dirty yet so she definitely felt shy changing in front of him. Usually she would ask him to turn around but today she was far too exhausted, so she let her hands start to undo the button up.

She glances at Itachi to see if he would look away but he stares intensely instead. She chuckles too tired to feel shy as she throws the button up off her shoulders leaving her bare before him. Itachi’s demeanor darkens as the bruise Fujioka left on her chest comes into view again.

He can feel his anger coming back but suppresses it for her sake, she must be extremely tired. His hand reaches to cup the boob where the bruise was located, gently caressing the bruised skin

His inspection goes on for minutes and she squirms under his attention feeling exposed, Itachi notices her squirming but his need to make sure she’s ok greatly outweighs her shyness. He sighs as he finally pulls his hand away

“we’ll get some ointment for this tomorrow ok?” he reaches for the shirt he brought to pull over her head when he suddenly grabs his chest.

He cries out in pain as he vision blurs, he can feel the familiar tightening of his respiratory tract followed by the inevitable spew of blood from his inflamed blood vessels.

Y/N watches in horror as Itachi collapses to the ground holding his mouth, blood spilling from through his fingers.

“Itach!”

Next>>

The long awaited part three ya'll, even though it's just been 3 days. Sei Fujioka may or may not represent a man I used to work for but this chapter is dedicated to all the women who have faced harassment in our workplaces just by virtue of being a woman, you are not alone♡♡

Also, the next chapter will be the last, will it have a happy ending? Will it have a heart stabbingly sad ending? Stay tuned to find out!!!

Click here for more Naruto Shippuden fics and other stories!

[mayakern]

If you don't mind sharing, what happened to vanetta's ex Edmund and his new saintess gf?

oh boy, so, a LOT has happened here so BUCKLE UP.

(and here’s a picture of vanetta for context for the maybe 2 other ppl who will read this huge post, which i have tried to summarize)

TLDR: after vanetta “died” and was yeeted into time travel, edmund died and charlotte saved the world. but edmund got brought back… and he came back wrong.

but the full story is so much weirder than that:

the core conceit of this game is that we are time (and place) hopping every time the party levels up, and mostly this is pretty normal—someone who’s from an ancient time visits a future date and finds out their country no longer exists, someone from the future goes to an earlier time and is shocked by the severely lacking technology, etc etc

except for vanetta, who is not from the past or future. she is from a book series. and she has JUST discovered this.

our most recent time hop has taken us to a dystopian capitalist future that takes place in a big mall in outer space (think a combination of tron, zenon: girl of the 21st century, wall-e and other similar media), where our wizard comes from.

and as soon as we materialize there, vanetta is recognized as a “really high quality and authentic cosplayer” of, well. herself. the book series she is from (the briar path) is popular on a level that basically combines twilight, harry potter and the bible all in one. it is fantastically popular, but also pretty old, and also is continually getting remakes and re-releases and right now they are currently making a manga adaptation of it. and it has a very active fanbase that writes a lot of fan fiction. this is, somehow, incredibly plot relevant.

an npc shows vanetta the comic, which currently i think covers 2 of the books in the series, and it shows her being depicted as basically your typical shallow, unsympathetic villainess character. and it depicts her death: the moment when, on the ramparts of the palace she was meant to preside over, she is faced with an angry mob seeking her death on one side and the crown prince (edmund, her former fiance) and charlotte (the saintess, his new woman, who in the fiction of the book was isekai’d into the world of the briar path) on the other side. vanetta climbs onto the rampart and makes a big impassioned speech (aka a villain monologue) about how pathetic and horrible they all are and when charlotte makes a swipe at her, vanetta chooses to let it unbalance her, forcing charlotte to live on with the guilt of her death.

only, the real vanetta doesn’t die. she gets yeeted out of time and space with three other time travelers. and our story continues

anyway, back to present day, the manga adaptation has just reached the part of the series where edmund dies—something vanetta did not know about. but just because he died in the book doesn’t mean he died in real life.

see, edmund had some pretty devoted fans. and one of them, who thought edmund was robbed by the narrative, got into some ancient, evil magics and combining this with the immense power of FAN FICTION, he tried to bring edmund out of the novel and into real life, and in the process ended up fusing with him and also with a force called The Hunger, a roiling miasma of despair that was the ultimate evil in the novels.

and so they all fused together and became a new thing. a god. in fact, our yuan-ti paladin’s snake god. who uhh subjugates and eats all non-snake people. the creation of this god also uhh was a huge cataclysm that basically started the earth apocalypse that lead to everyone ending up in the sky.

vanetta has JUST managed to secure annotated copies of the entire series that include academic commentaries and notes on historical context and the first chance she gets she is reading them so hopefully i’ll get more info soon lol

[linddzz]

Hello, I wanted to ask you a question since I love the way you answer. The other day I saw a discussion that was generated by the scene in the council of Jayce and Mel in chapter 8 and many of them did not understand Jayce's reaction (they basically destroyed him). I particularly understand, and other people do, that Jayce is acting according to the consequences of the trauma he lived in the other dimension (obviously it does not justify the mistreatment). I think that he is carrying a lot of guilt and pain for his past actions, and he needs to unload that. In addition to that in the case with Mel, their intimate bond is broken by the manipulation he suffered from her (although he also had his things). But people say that he is an exaggerator, an impulsive fool, Mel also went through horrible situations (I do not deny it) and yet she did not treat him badly at that time. Well, I would like to know your opinion regarding this scene that generates debate.

It is always wild to me when I hear of or see glimpses of Arcane discourse that can be summed up with "we missed the point of the show that's heavily themed on how trauma and emotional upheaval can cause people to act in ways we may not agree with, but can understand" :)))

Also wild that people expect Jayce to be perfectly rational and emotionally competent here after we just saw him staggering around Viktor's commune with terrifying hallucinations, screaming as he blasts a hole in Viktor's chest. Not to mention that we just saw the actual hell he went through that left him in that state?? Is Jayce, who has shown that he reacts with brash anger when he's frightened and in over his head, maybe going to not be the most level headed??

One thing that I really like about the scene is that he DOES apologize to Mel afterwards. He recognizes that he acted out, apologizes for being an asshole, and recognizes that Mel is hurting as well. Yeah his actions weren't great (tho to me seeing him acting physically aggressive was another sign of just how fucked up Jayce was) but damn in the context of how everyone else in this show responds to emotional trauma, he's pretty mild.

I'll also argue that neither of them are wrong in this scene, and you can pretty clearly see why he escalated so quick. Even without an in depth analysis that looks further back, his reactions are pretty understandable (for said analysis, @avelera has some great posts on this as a breakup scene for Jayce and Mel, pointing out that his auditory flashbacks in the pit focused a lot on realizing that Mel was using them) Let's break it down:

Scene opens with Jayce already reminiscing on the traumatic event that started all this. He's standing in the place where Viktor died, where Jayce made the decisions that created whatever Viktor is now. When you rewatch it, you have the added context that he's likely grappling with what Mage Viktor has told him. It's important to note that at this point, he doesn't know that Mel has arcane powers until his hammer and arcane corrupted mind spidey-sense her arrival.

We already know he was dealing with a ton of survivors guilt for being untouched by the blast while everyone else was grievously injured, and while Viktor specifically mortally wounded. This is probably the worst place and the worst time for him to learn that Mel has arcane powers and that she's the reason they were unharmed. And that sucks. Because he's closing Mel off even harder than he already would have, while he's the one Mel learned to be more emotionally vulnerable with.

Something happened to her too, and she reaches out for that connection. She doesn't need to be a strong Noxian with Jayce, so she tries to connect on the fact that they both obviously went through something, but unfortunately it's just when he thinks his worst suspicions about her are confirmed. 

Because hey let's ALSO talk about Jayce realizing Mel has been using him and why he's gonna take that hard! Jayce is pretty obviously a romantic person in season 1. It's almost a comedy beat when he snuggles up in her lap and she looks startled with the realization that her boytoy is a puppy. That is so obviously a lad who does not see sex as something casual, and he's very emotionally vulnerable with Mel very quickly.

Now, we, the viewers, have been able to see Mel allowing herself more vulnerability with Jayce in return. We've seen that she views her political manipulation as a way to benefit everyone. We've seen that she really came to care about Jayce, that sleeping with him became more than another way to influence him. But Jayce has only now realized he WAS being used. Who WOULD respond nicely to that? 

So you have that, on top of suddenly learning there is a reason he was fine while Viktor wasn't. Yes it's unfair to immediately blame her for it, but as soon as he says "because you used me!" I had a moment of "OH...yeah actually he's right tho. he's not out of pocket there"

(Also we can see him shutting that emotional vulnerability down. He tells Mel "it doesn't matter" because he's seen how his openness with her made him easy to manipulate. Again, she has opened herself up in return, but he has no way of knowing how much was sincere or not and is in no state to be rational about any of it.)

It doesn't help that she pretty much confirms that she used him. To Mel, it's not an insult to be seen as an investment by her, so she justifies herself for it, and I'm gonna read her a bit for this; when someone is feeling some sort of way about being used as an investment, explaining why they were a great investment isn't the best move!

And then. Yaknow. His brain is all jacked up from Arcane corruption and he's got Mel already setting that off with her powers, then Viktor's making them go extra wild by creeping around with his freaky little cuntbot. I didn't like him getting physically intimidating but it's also pretty obvious that he was seeing her as an active threat until Viktor showed up.

And again. He pretty quickly apologized and gave her an opening to talk about what happened to her. It's not perfect, but no one on this show IS. That's the point of the show! The fact that he quickly apologizes both times we see him lash out at people he cares about shows a pretty substantial amount of emotional intelligence in comparison to everyone else in this "Hurt People Hurt People" show.

So. yeah. I also had the emotional journey of "hey Jayce that's not fair, she pretty obviously said she couldn't control it, what the hell are you stalking at her with that hammer for- OH. I mean. YEAH she did use you that....hey that part's fair...also Mel back up girl, he's super obviously Not Okay." But I think acting like Jayce is some sort of unique asshole in THIS SHOW is quite a stretch.

[kteezy997]

Beyond Business-part 13//t.c.

He told you not to look at posts about him and Kylie online. But something possessed you to look. It was something obsessive inside of you.

After the A Complete Unknown premiere in Paris, he and Kylie had a ‘secret’ date with loads of paparazzi to capture them entering and leaving the restaurant and the hotel afterwards.

It hurt you to see him holding her hand, leading her through the crowd of flashing lights and photographers shouting at them.

Kylie wore a black, skintight jumpsuit which showed lots of cleavage. She seemed to be almost posing for the cameras, smiling directly at one of them. She looked so proud to be on Timothée’s arm.

You couldn’t help but think that that should be you. That she didn’t deserve him, even if they were just pretending. You hated seeing it. You had a horrible feeling inside when you saw them together. You didn't recognize your Timmy.

He didn’t even have to kiss her or look her, it was just the simple fact of her touching him, sitting close to him in the car, it just made your skin crawl. Maybe you were too jealous for this to work.

At least you had a couple days to clear your head before you saw Timmy again. You decided to go home, to see your parents, have a home cooked meal with your siblings. You needed to come down to earth, out of Timothée Chalamet’s orbit for just a moment.

Your first night in your parents’ house, he tried calling you. But you weren’t ready to talk. You couldn’t be his girlfriend at this moment, or his assistant.

He left voicemails and text after text, “baby call me please.” “need to hear your voice.” “miss you so much. I wish you were here.” So many sweet things. But you couldn’t give in. You loved him, of course you did. But you had been feeling way too much and needed a break from it all. You felt like you didn't know yourself anymore.

……..

In all, you spent a week away. You let Timmy know that you needed a vacation, and he granted you the time off. But that was all the conversation was about. You didn’t let it get any more personal than that, despite his desperate attempts.

You knew that he was probably hurting too, with you going away so suddenly. But you did your best not to think about it.

But it was finally time to go back. You felt refreshed, and level-headed about the situation. You were ready for whatever was to come.

You knocked on his door on your first Monday back to work. There was no answer. You waited a moment, then let yourself inside. “Timmy?” you called. There was no sign of him, or any sign that he had been roaming around the apartment at all that morning.

The place was unkempt. Take out containers and beer bottles scattered about. You started to really worry. You called his name again with no response.

You checked his bedroom, and there he was, sleeping like a rock.

You shook him, gently, “Timmy, it’s time to start work for the day.” you whispered.

He grumbled, clenching his eyes, then opening them. He sighed when he looked up at you. “You’re here, finally.”

“Are you okay?”

He scoffed, “Fuck no, I’m not okay.” he raised up in the bed, his eyes red and more tired looking than ever. "My girlfriend leaves me high and dry for a fucking week. Do you not understand how bad I need you?”

“I do. But I needed time to take care of myself.”

“Well, what happened?”

“I couldn’t stand the pictures of you Kylie on your romantic date in Paris.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’ve told you not to pay attention to any of that.”

“Oh fuck off, Timothée, and put yourself in my shoes! How would you like it if some other man was parading me around across the world? Do you really think that I want you to be with another woman half the time?” you didn't want to raise your voice at him, but you couldn't help it.

“It’ll come to end eventually, I swear it will! I’m sorry that you’re upset.” he calmed down, reaching to grab your hand.

“Do I not have the right to be?”

“Yes, you do. I just don’t know what I can do about it right now."

“You can choose. It’s her or me.”

“You know that I choose you.”

“No. It’s me or her. You don’t get me in private and Kylie Jenner in public. Not anymore. I don’t want to be anyone’s secret, not even yours. I can't keep putting you before myself.”

“Please, don’t do this.” he pleaded, his eyes becoming glassy.

“I love you, but I can’t let you consume me like this. I can��t work for you anymore.” The tears were coming, you sniffled.

“I don’t give a shit about you being my assistant, I just want you.”

“If you break it off with her.”

“I-"

You shrugged, “See? You can’t give her up. I don’t know if it’s the fame or the sex,-"

He cut you off sharply, “I don’t have sex with her!”

“She is sex, Timothée. It’s about how masculine you are if you’re dating her. That's what it's all about. People take you seriously now that you’ve bagged her.”

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I’ve had time to think about this, that’s all. And I think I understand. You’ll never have a normal relationship now. It’s not for you, Timothée.”

“Why do you keep calling me by my full name? Are you..." he looked down, swallowing hard as a tear fell from his swelling eyes, “are you breaking up with me?”

You gasped, hearing the words out loud was something you hadn’t prepared for. You put your hand out, wanting to soothe him, to run your fingers through his hair, to hold him. But you couldn’t. Slowly, you retracted your hand. “I just don’t see how it could ever really work. Not if you’re involved with someone else. I want someone who doesn’t have to hide me.”

Timmy took a deep breath, nodding, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” he put his head on his hands.

You wiped your own tears away, “I’m going to go now.” you said.

He looked at you again, “Okay.”

As you started to walk out of his bedroom, he spoke again.

"Y/n, I want you to know that everything I've ever said to you was real. I love you. You've meant more to me than you could ever understand. So, thank you."

February 16, 2025

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @bitchyunknownuser @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @elloise0 @thatoneweirdgirl17 @mel-vaz @sammy-halpert @iwishchalamet @that-one-fangirl69 @jindongdongie @briefkittenearthquake @imnotoverlyobsessive @timhalchala @heatherpi @iconic-jedimullet @pmak2002

[innerfare]

Angsty Sabo Headcanons 

Summary: A collection of angsty Sabo headcanons

Genre: Angst

CW: None // SFW

———

Sometimes, Sabo can’t stand the sight of his scars, especially the one on his face. It’s actually the reason he has a little skincare routine. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t overcome his early childhood education, which taught him that men like him are such horrible monsters. He thinks he looks like a monster.  

Sometimes when he gets undressed and turns the shower on, he stares in the mirror while he’s waiting for the water to heat up. He ends up focusing on his scars and wondering if he deserves them. A small part of Sabo thinks he does deserve them. Despite fighting to abolish the system that teaches kids they were born wrong and recognizing it is, in fact, the system that is wrong, Sabo just can’t escape the feeling that he was born wrong. 

Sabo didn’t attack Dragon that day because he wanted to take a shot at the strongest guy on the field, he did it because on some level, he sensed something paternal coming from the man, and it made Sabo lash out; he wanted to kill Dragon like Ace wanted to kill Whitebeard.

“I’m sorry he died, but at least he didn’t die in handcuffs.” This is the only thing that Dragon said to Sabo about Ace, and Sabo latched onto it. At least he didn’t die in handcuffs. He repeats the phrase over and over in his head, a mantra he chants internally every day. He keeps hoping it will make him feel better, but it doesn’t. It makes him feel worse to know the best his brother could have hoped for was to die like a man and not a dog; he shouldn’t have died at all. 

Sabo knows Ace died thinking Sabo would be waiting for him on the other side. He tries to comfort himself with the thought that Ace will be waiting for him, but it doesn’t help. It makes him feel selfish to think Ace died first. It should have been me. 

Sabo doesn’t feel good about having cheated death. He feels like a fraud, a phony, a mistake. He feels like he should be dead. And no matter how many battles he fights and wins, no matter how many enemies he defeats, no matter how many adventures he goes on, he can’t escape the feeling he’s wasting his second chance. Ace wouldn’t waste it the way I am, he tells himself. 

Sabo has nightmares about Ace’s death. The worst part about them is that he has no idea if they’re accurate. Is that how it happened? Is that what it looked like? Is that what adult Ace’s voice sounded like? Is that what Luffy’s scream sounded like? He has no fucking clue, and it tears him up inside. 

A doctor gave Sabo some pills to help him sleep dreamlessly through the night, but taking them makes him feel guilty, as if he’s escaping the punishment he rightfully deserves for not saving Ace. 

Sabo hates sleeping alone. He grew so accustomed to sharing with Luffy and Ace, and even after suffering amnesia, never got used to being alone in bed. Sabo will show up at Koala’s door sometimes at two in the morning and ask if he can sleep with her because being alone reinforces the feeling that he somehow abandoned his family.

When he gets his memories back, Sabo starts sending a little bit of money every month to Dadan. He views it as recompense for the pain he’s certain he caused her by not protecting the boy she raised from the cradle. He won’t go visit her because he’s terrified she’ll scorn him for Ace’s death and turn him away from her doorstep. 

Sabo has a page at the back of his journal where he writes down all the jokes he thinks would make Ace laugh, in addition to other things he wishes he could tell his brother.

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

[fictionadventurer]

Remaining Thoughts About Jane Eyre:

Diana may be the best character. Love Diana. Maybe the best-adjusted person in this story. When she responds to Jane's refusal to marry St. John with, "You're absolutely right, girl." So good. Not used to that level of sanity here.

St. John fascinates me. He's a foil to Rochester and Jane, but also similar to them in ways that he doesn't see. He's all about suppressing personal attachments and emotion, so you'd think he doesn't care about others' opinions, and yet, all his ambition is because he wants to be something the world considers great. He says himself he wanted to be some great statesman or lawyer or whatever--missionary's just the path he chose since he was already a clergyman. The religion is secondary at best--at worst, he values it because it's a means of power over people. His religion is all about duty--it's not a relationship. His inability to relate to people as anything other than a tool for his own glorification extends to his approach to God.

Also, the fact that Jane sees this, yet still insists he's a good man...I'm not onboard. He probably means well, may well be doing his best, but there's an insidious underlayer to everything that undermines it. He's kind of the definition of Eliot's, "This last temptation is the greatest treason/Doing the right thing for the wrong reason."

I'm still sad that he's dying in India, though. He should come back home disabled just like Rochester, and gets to learn some humility by needing help from other people.

Pretty darn convenient that Jane's prayer to know what to do gets answered immediately via miraculous means in the middle of her conversation with St. John. It's a good thing Jane's got God looking out for her, because she wouldn't have done anything in this story without miraculous guidance.

It's such overt author interference--so easy and simple--that it's hard for me to buy into a Providence reading. Wilkie Collins did it better in No Name.

I did love how Providence brought Jane to her family. It should have felt so cheap that she just happened to run into her only remaining cousins, but the fact that running away from the sinful romantic love of Rochester allowed her to know the love of a family--that got to me.

Okay, anyway, back on track.

Jane coming back to Rochester and immediately assuming they're going to get married now feels uncomfortably like, "Oh, good, now that your wife's dead, we can get married now." Like the only issue between them was the existence of his wife and not his incredibly toxic behaviors and history.

Curayl did this much better. Recognized that the convenient death of a spouse makes it awkward to pursue another relationship.

Also, Rochester's character development isn't complete enough. Like, Rochester's humbled, he recognizes that God was punishing him, but I get the vibe that he feels like it was only for the attempted bigamy and not for all the other things he did wrong.

No one calls him out for how horribly he treated Jane. No one calls him out for the mistresses--maybe they did mention it and I'm forgetting. There's a lot of bad stuff they gloss over because they love each other and they're perfect for each other, so of course they should be together.

I do like how Rochester called Jane out for just leaving with no money and letting her know that she could have asked for help.

I like how they handled Rochester's blindness. His eyesight gets better over time, so he's not completely helpless, but it's not like it's a miraculous cure. Nice way to have a happy ending while maintaining some realism.

"A good English education cured Adele's French defects" may be one of the worst lines in the book. I still feel like I'd rather have Adele's story. (You especially have to wonder how she feels about the about-fifteen-ish-years-younger "brother" showing up.)

I really worry about how Jane and Rochester are going to raise children. Their attitude toward Adele doesn't give me much hope that they're going to be affectionate parents.

For all my issues with it, the book did work much better than I expected it to going in. I'm glad I reread.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/17/2024

come take this very very friendly little man out of my bathroom! he is fiv+ and we are in houston tx! i am willing to drive a couple hours for the right home! he is a good boy he's just orange! more details here!

listening

emily jeffri's DENY off my spotify recommended weekly playlist: i can only describe it as "throbbing". immediately attention grabbing lyrics:

What kind of lover does your mother want? I'll do whatever, oh but you could not

very distinctly indie electronica. this would be the song in a cyberpunk/80s hacker movie where the chase takes you through an goth/alt fashion show where the models are actively giving blood as they walk or something.

i love the spotify daily mix for me and my bestie bc there's a guaranteed four bluey songs on it and it's a nice jumpscare. i know my mental health is taking a turn for the worse when a lot of mother mother starts popping up, i know my bestie's is taking a turn for the worse when a lot of girl in red starts popping up. suicide-watch-level sapphic angst singer-songwriter, generally. except for this song! extremely fun! didn't even recognize it as her! DOING IT AGAIN BABY is a more traditional selling-you-a-dodge-charger car commercial song and it's such a startling departure from her usual work that i wonder if it was a commercial commission? hard to immediately find out tho

I'm on a new level Something's got me feelin' like I could be inflammable And I might be I'm gonna light it up Nothing's gonna stop me if I say this is what I want

-

reading

i read twilight (yes that one) at the behest of my bestie and bc my mental health could not have gotten any worse in that moment. it has led to some uncomfortable realizations about my high school experience i will save for a therapist. i am mostly putting it here to remind myself that i read this book this year.

^ this is some silly goofy nonsense. not that i think people shouldn't be recognized at their retirement, but what happened to giving people nice watches instead of a thousand dollars in plaques

Saying that, the records did reveal something actually interesting: although the individual contract I sent a request related to was for a few thousand dollars, an attached blank purchase agreement (BPA) says that “the government estimates, but does not guarantee, that the volume of purchases through this BPA will be $360,000.00 over the term of the BPA.” So, a lot more than a few thousand bucks.

-

watching

Hang 'Em High (1968, dir. Post). certainly not clint's sluttiest role but really up there. i do wish he kept the fucked-out little rasp for the whole movie :(

When an innocent man barely survives a lynching, he returns as a lawman determined to bring the vigilantes to justice.

it has a typical bizarre shoehorned romance that (i think) deeply undercuts the theme it wants to explore, but there is no on-screen rape. the bar is on the FLOOR with westerns and yet i DNF so so so many.

hell of a whump film. literally everything happens to jed cooper. i will trumpet this again from the rooftops: that character needs cbt both ways.

-

playing

HIGHWATER, a 2022 adventure/turn based strategy thing from Rogue Games, courtesy of Netflix Games, whose game library is a fucking nightmare to navigate on mobile.

i loooove a water-based postapoc. the boat does in fact handle very poorly and like a horrible inflatable raft on mobile, which is both charming and frustrating.

i do not love a turn-based combat. despite the vibes off the charts, including a very well integrated "pirate radio" station as the game's soundtrack, i am not patient enough to muddle through complex turn-based combat. i'm sure someone had fun fighting off six guys and two bears (who aggro anyone and can one-hit anyone) and then a further three guys who show up for backup but i gave it the good old college try over two days and wasn't able to swing it. it would be nice to have either a difficulty setting or some way to spectate the ideal fight, but alas. a lot of fun environmental stuff in the fights you can use to your advantage, like the bears and these trees you can flatten your opponents with in a much earlier fight. there's a fun mix of different characters with different abilities and different weapons you pick up and keep during fights. i have no specific beef with this game's choice to make this the way you move through the game, it's just not my preferred genre.

a lot of book and newspaper collectibles in this one that i feel of several minds about. it feels less like environmental storytelling through newspapers and just the devs telling me their opinion when they provide little book summaries like this. also i wish The Industry as a whole was more thoughtful about using the word "insurgent".

not a game for me, i have once again confirmed that i cannot tolerate a turn-based combat no matter how much seafaring postapoc you drench it in :(

-

making

got a Phantom Menace era curtain panel for $4 at the thrift, and i was convinced it was fabric someone had made into a curtain panel until i got home and discovered it was an officially licensed product with bafflingly generous seams.

it's about two-ish yards of a 50/50 cotton/poly blend, which i feel like i haven't seen in a while? i think the current fashion leans more 70/30 or 100 poly for curtains i've purchased. after i finish unpicking the seams and pinking it, i am going to throw it in the wash again with some vinegar and see if that softens it up any, or if it makes the transition between the wear lines on the seams and the body of the fabric any nicer.

thinking about what kind of dress to make that 1) shows off this extremely large scale pattern 2) does not look like i am wearing a paper bag, and 3) does not look like the late aughts craft trend of sewing a twin flat Star Wars sheet to a tube top and calling that a dress, bc that's how hard up we were for feminine merch. much to consider. maybe it Will be a maxi skirt with pockets and i can wear one of my seventy black tees on top?

[i-heart-yellowstone]

32 - The Next Generation

Part 33

Raised Fair Share of Hell

Please leave comments of your thoughts or any suggestions ❤️

Dutton Ranch 

Alissa’s pov 

“Hey, hey, hey!” I hollered with my horse pushing a small herd of cattle into the wooden fence area so that the vet could check them out and make sure they don’t have any infections.  Carter ran over shutting the gate, closing them inside the pen with me tugging the reins of my horse so he stopped allowing me to dismount and tie the rope around the wooden fence post.  

Footsteps came up to me where I felt tiny arms leap up into my arms.  “Momma!” Madeline’s hair was loosely flowing everywhere in the wind. 

“Hi baby, what have you been up to this morning?” I lowered her down on her feet and on the dirt ground, bending down on a knee to be eye level with her. 

She looked up into my eyes with a cheerful smile, holding up three fingers.  “Grandpa John let me eat three donuts and he said he’d take me out ridin’.” 

“Did you ask daddy first?” I asked her since Kayce and I had agreed that our kids weren’t allowed to ride on a horse alone until they turned 13 years old. 

She shook her head no.  “He’s busy with Tate.  So - can I mommy?” 

“You have to promise me that you will do whatever Grandpa John tells you.  We don’t need you getting hurt.  Can you do that?” I held up my pinky and she lopped her pinky with me. 

“Cross my heart and hope Horses are in Heaven.” 

I grinned ruffling her hair.  “That’s my girl.” 

Someone came riding up to us on horseback where we saw her grandfather John.  He pulled his horse to a stop offering his hands for me to lift up my daughter onto the saddle. “I won’t keep her out too long, Alissa.” He sat her in front of him on the horse, gently kicking his horse in the belly galloping off into the open fence. 

“Please avoid the rivers, John!” I hollered with my hands around my mouth recalling when Tate had accidentally fallen in when John took him out for a ride.  Crossing my arms over my chest I sighed watching the pair ride off together. 

I certainly missed my eldest daughter Faith but Madeline helped the hurt not be so horrible.  Tate sure had an attitude about him now but so did my husband when he started puberty. 

“Hey, what’s up?” My phone started ringing with my sister in law’s picture appearing on my Home Screen.  Sliding the answer call button I put her on speaker. 

“You’re gonna want to see who’s speaking on the tv.  Come inside the house.  I’m in the living room.” 

Locking my phone I gently took my horse by the reins, taking him back to the barn.  Walking up the porch steps and into the house I found her seated on the living room couch with a whiskey glass in one hand and the tv remote in the other.  “So what did you want me to see so badly?” 

“Just watch the screen.” She unpaused the tv where I recognized John’s former secretary Clara walk out in front of the podium in the State Capital building. 

“Good afternoon Montana citizens, I must say when John Dutton retired and endorsed me to become the next Governor I was utterly shocked.  Four years later I am sad to be done with my term.  Thankfully though I am grateful to introduce the next soon to be Governor of our great state of Montana, Alana Lambert!” Clara announced, extending her hand outward to bring my sister out onto the huge stage where she waved to the large crowd. 

“I’m happy she agreed to our plan.  My mother can remain the family lawyer until Alana is done with her term four years from now.” 

Beth turned the tv volume down when the pair exited the stage not talking any questions from the press.  “If we keep the family in the Governor's seat we will never lose this place.” 

“Next thing I’m going to be hearing from you is that Kayce and I need to pop out some more kids.  Cause Faith wants to be a veterinarian, Tate’s a rancher and Madeline is too young to know what she wants to do with her life.” 

Beth chuckles while taking a sip from her glass.  “I’m sure you and my brother would have no problem making another baby.” 

“Bethany!” 

She sends me a look with a smirk.  “You’ve got nothing to worry about.  Maybe Faith’s boyfriend will want to be the Governor.” 

“Boyfriend.  My daughter doesn’t have a boyfriend.” 

Beth responded seconds before Faith’s name appeared on her phone screen.  “Yes, she does.  Look if you don’t believe me, talk to your daughter.” 

“Aunt Beth, you were so right about the dress.” 

Taking the phone from her hands I glared at my daughter over the video call.  “Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend before you told her!” 

“Momma!” Faith shrieked where I could see someone sitting beside her on what appeared to be a rooftop.  “Um - I was going to tell you.  It’s just if daddy found out he might come hurt him.” 

I asked her simply.  “Can I see this boyfriend please?” 

“Hi - hi Mrs. Dutton.  I’m Cooper, Cooper Norris.” A boy with shaggy dark brown hair nervously waved when she aimed the phone at him.  “My dad is Thomas Norris.” 

Whispering to my sister in law I mouthed the words.  “Google his father.” 

“Thomas Norris is a crisis manager executive for the large oil companies out in Texas.” Beth read the man’s description aloud from her computer screen. 

I complimented the boy hearing footsteps entering the kitchen.  “That’s impressive.  Sounds like you’ve got a good one - Oh that’s your father.  I love you bye.” 

“Bye guys.  Love you.” My daughter waved and ended the call a minute before Kayce came into the room. 

“Who was that on the phone?” Kayce leaned his elbows on the back of the couch. 

Beth had already shut her computer so he couldn’t see who we had googled, knowing it would be better for him to find out the secret later.  “It was Faith just telling us goodnight.  She said to give Mads a big hug for her and tell her she misses her.” 

“Awe okay.  I’ll call her tomorrow.  I wanted to tonight but work was a pain in my ass so I’m beat.” Kayce removed his hat walking towards the staircase once hanging his hat up on a wall hook.  “Wake me up before dinner, yeah.” 

Getting up from the couch I followed him up the stairs and into our bedroom watching him remove his shirt and his muddy boots before laying down underneath the covers.  “Do you want to talk about what happened at work?” 

“Not really.  I’m just really tired.” He responded, staring up at the wooden ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head. 

Removing my boots and my jeans I slid into the bed and underneath the sheets.  Draping one arm over the center of his stomach with my head laying in the crook of his neck.  “Do you care to hear about my day instead?” 

“Shoot.” He replied. 

Tracing patterns on his bare chest I softly spoke.  “Carter, Rip, Liyod and I tended to the new cattle that was brought in yesterday.  Tate has been studying the different techniques for the branding and calving season coming up in a few weeks.  Oh, Madeline and John went out for a ride and should be back before dinner.” 

“That sounds like a better day than mine.  I had to sell off a family's cattle because the current owner died last night and we didn’t want the bank to take all the money the family had left.” Kayce explained twirling some of my hair in between his fingers while he started thinking back on his day. 

Closing my eyes I muttered under my breath knowing he’d still hear me.  “I miss our Faithy Rae.” 

“Yeah, I do too.” Kayce sucked in a breath thinking back on how he was raised.  “But we agreed this is how we protect this place.  By letting our children choose their own paths.” 

Intertwining my hand with his free one I squeezed it gently knowing what he meant by that sentence.  “We’re doing the best we can raising our kids, Kayce.  That’s all we can do.” Regardless of how much we missed our daughter who was another state away we knew that not deciding who she would be in life like John had would be the best thing for them. 

Tag list @bvbwestfall @hcwthewestwaswcn @child-of-of-the-sunshine @elenavampire21 @keep-the-wolves-close @kmc1989 @tallrock35 @whatelsecouldgowrong @lover-of-books-and-tea

[emcapi-gaming]

Ok, so I mentioned in the tags on my last post that there are 3 major factors in Ardwin's likelihood of being attracted to someone (excluding non-specific Vibes and external context). In no particular order, they are:

A. Pretty, especially in an androgynous way

B. Badass, especially in terms of melee combat

C. Understands Her, especially on a unique level

A brief ranking of her various notable romantic interests on that scale:

Muriel (the gladiator from the blacksmith quests): 6/10 pretty, 7/10 badass, 3/10 understanding. Being seen as an artisan first and a fighter second was definitely a novelty for Ardwin, she is not immune to Being Flirted With By Hot Girl, and they had a very brief, casual fling around the ARR patches.

Ardbert: 5/10 pretty, 10/10 badass, 100/10 understanding. Literal and metaphorical soulmates. Most likely to be eternally bonded, except they aren't particularly interested in the big ceremony. Also they think it would be more than a little redundant, given that their souls are semi-fused and they share a body 95% of the time. You don't really get more 'eternally bonded' than that.

G'raha: 8/10 pretty, 8/10 badass, 3/10 understanding. Definitely saw her as The Warrior Of Light over simply Ardwin, at least initially, which was a pretty significant turn-off (though this improved later). -100/10 for trust issues bad enough that any romantic relationship between them is totally unfeasible (see previous post).

Zenos: 7/10 pretty, 10/10 badass, 5/10 understanding. Called her out for being a feral little shit who loves fighting, which gave him solid points on the "unique understanding" front, because pretty much everyone else just sees The Hero. He really called a WAR main a savage beast and she was like "thanks! I do try!" She reciprocated (to a lesser degree) his battle-horny and regular horny towards her, though I don't think he recognized the second part, which Ardwin was in denial about all the way until she got back from Ultima Thule.

Fray: 8/10 pretty, 9.5/10 badass, ∞/10 understanding. Shares Ardwin's appearance (except with gold eyes), which leans a little more towards handsome than pretty. Knows her better than she knows herself, ironically, because they're literally made of all the stuff she was repressing. Half point deduction on the badass scale because she did beat them the one time they fought.

Zero: 10/10 pretty, 10/10 badass, 9/10 understanding. She showed up, kicked ass, and then turned out to be very uniquely capable of understanding the Zenos situation (because she had a front row seat to that trainwreck), the Ardbert situation (because having Some Other Guy Who You Sort Of Ate Still Hanging Around is apparently normal for voidsent), and just The Horrors in general. Point docked from understanding because she (accidentally) gave Ardwin a horrible PTSD episode/panic attack with her stunt with the Light crystal wall. (This was nearly a disaster for their relationship, but then Fray raked Ardwin over the coals for being a huge hypocrite, given that - between RPR and DRK - she's been doing practically the exact same thing with Darkness.)

Arkose: 10/10 pretty, 3+/10 badass, 8+/10 understanding. Also soulmates, though there's more of a gap because of very different life experiences. Ardwin and Ardbert followed really similar paths with adventuring, hitting stuff with axes, saving the world, etc; Arkose has, until very recently, been stuck in a literal bubble and unable to fight. The plus signs, though, is because now that they have the opportunity, they're catching up fast. (They're also very new as a character, so I can't totally predict how they'll end up developing, but I'm guessing they will end up around 9-9.5/10 badass and >11/10 understanding.)

[96percentdone]

In Defense of Tearer

Character writing, not the uncountable crimes

AI:TSF Nirvana Initiative is a very divisive game, for many reasons, some of which I’ve discussed before even. With its twists and split storytelling, and a horrible no spoilers policy that leaves fans of the first game with no connective tissue that respects the time they spent with those characters in the first game, it was destined for controversy, no matter how many good ideas and interesting characters it contained. And make no mistake, Nirvana Initiative has many interesting, even consistently well executed ideas. There are some things in Nirvana Initiative that I think are better than they ever were in the first game, like the serial killer at the center of it all.

Apparently, Tearer is controversial. Some think he is lesser than Saito. Less presence. Weaker. Uninteresting. Irrelevant. They think his only purpose is to provide a motive for Amame, who is actually the interesting culprit. But I believe all of that is incorrect. It misunderstands what makes Saito compelling, what makes Amame compelling, and most importantly, for my purposes, why fucking Tearer fucking rules. Tearer is critical to the fundamental nature of not just AINI’s plot, but it’s themes; he is essential to the conversation about love, determinism, and trauma and without him this game is weak and flavorless, and all the other things you like about it would be worse. Under the cut.

Part Zero: S**TO

AITSF is about love. It’s in the title. Water is wet. But for the sake of drawing clearer parallels, let’s actually talk about Sejima Saito.

Saito cannot feel love or happiness from anything from murder, because of a brain disorder, or more accurately, he would have been able to if even one person loved him to begin with. I say this because Date exists within the same body, and he’s able to get by on medication. Because people cared about Date, and wanted him to be happy; they loved him. But Sejima Sou, the world’s worst man, does not care about Saito. His son killed animals, and he did nothing. His son killed his mistress, and he covered it up, but didn’t look into the root issue. He doesn’t care. On a literal level, Saito cannot feel love because of a brain disorder, but on a thematic level, he cannot feel it because no one ever offered it to him. He does not know what it is. (From this perspective, you could say that Saito is a victim of ableism and not only just. A problematic trope, although like it’s all definitely like still here)

And the sad thing is, Saito does not know what love is, he cannot understand it, yet he still wants it from his father! He’s on record saying this is why he killed Manaka because she stole him away. Sejima does not care about him, and he recognizes that, and it bothers him. He wants what he cannot have, so he kills instead. He has to rip that which his father loves away from him. That’s why killing her makes him happy! Are you seeing the bigger picture? The dopamine rush from killing is just the literal read; Saito derives pleasure from murder because he is ripping love away from others, a thing he wants but thinks he cannot have.

Saito switches into several different bodies that do not have the same brain disorder that his did, but this doesn’t make him understand love, because the problem isn’t actually the brain disorder. It’s that at this point, he has gone so long without ever being loved, without ever knowing what love is, with wanting it but never being allowed to have it, that he absolutely refuses to conceive of a version of himself where he could be happy and capable of it. He looks at Date, in his body, who is happy, and living a life full of love, with people who care about him, and its incomprehensible to him. That should not be possible. Date is using that body wrong because to be Saito is to be without love.

Saito has defined himself as loveless, as someone who could only ever be happy when he’s making everyone as miserable as he is. Sejima did not love him, and did not support him, but even once Saito became an adult with the resources and wealth that name possesses, he did not seek out happiness elsewhere, away from the people who failed him. When he gets second chances in different bodies, he does not seek out love, no matter how false it may be. Instead he uses whatever love someone might have for whoever used to live in that body as a tool to carry out his ends, because he is determined to stay as he is. He was not loved, so he will never be loved, and so no one else should ever be either.

This is how Saito is used in the narrative of the first game. In a story where love saves and redeems, about the connections we make with others no matter how fleeting, and the strength it gives us to pull through, the antagonist is someone who was denied it, and because he was denied it is now determined to destroy it for everyone else.

Now that we’ve laid the groundwork, by talking about Saito, let’s move to the main event.

Part One: Forsaken | Child

Carrying on the thematic torch, we get to AINI, and like with any sequel, the discussion about love has shifted. To simplify things, the discussion in the first game is “love good not loving bad.” Characters you’re meant to like are filled with love to give and are loved in return, characters who aren’t well...aren’t. It is good to love. I agree. But AINI takes this theme a step further: who/what do you love, and how? What does love mean to you?

This question shows up at multiple points. Komeji loves his family so dearly, but his pursuit of his dream he loves just as much keeps putting them in danger and costs him his wife and later his life. Shouma struggles to admit he loves his father, constantly fighting with him, until it is too late, and he’s gone, and there is nowhere for this love to go. At the cathedral Ryuki has to pick between Date and Tama: who does he love more? I could go on like this (we will get to Amame), but this all comes back to one source: Tearer. So, who does Tearer love, and how? What does love mean to him?

Tearer loves one person: his ‘mother’, Shigure Tokiko, the world’s worst woman. (I promise we’ll get to Amame when we fucking get there.) Like Saito, he is desperate for the approval and love of his parent, something he too does not get, but there are several fundamental differences. The first, and perhaps most obvious, is that while Sejima Sou is Saito’s literal father, and has not legally forfeit his parentage over him no matter how garbage and bereft of love he may be, Shigure Tokiko is not Tearer’s mother in any sense of the word. She did not give birth to him, she didn’t adopt him, she does not raise him with love or compassion—no. She and her partner/ex Horadori Chikara (the world’s other worst man) kidnapped him and keep him trapped in the fucking basement so they can harvest his fucking organs and body parts for their biological son they gave up but actually love, Furue Jin.

And as obvious as saying that might be, it’s actually pretty critical to begin here. Both of these environments are loveless. Sejima is implicitly neglectful, and I don’t like need to tell you what’s wrong with what Shigure and Horadori are doing, yet the results are fundamentally different. There are two reasons for this. The first is that Saito was always a Sejima, and his life began in a house without love, thus he never knew it in the first place, Tearer was once a little boy not unlike any other, happy, innocent, loved up until the day he was kidnapped. For a brief moment, he knew what love was, and that will always matter.

And this difference leads to the second, which is far more interesting to me. Saito decided that if he could not have love then no one could, that he would destroy every instance of it within his grasp with his bare hands out of spite purely because he could not have it and never knew it, and never once attempted to know it himself. But every single thing Tearer does is all in the name of love. He wants the world to laud him as a hero and savior, to recognize him as important. He does not care that he killed Komeji, or that he is going to kill billions of others, because from his point of view, he believes he is bringing them to true freedom. An act of service for humanity at large. This, as warped as it may be, is a version of love, and a request for reciprocation. He is obviously wrong to think like this, even if he himself cannot understand or comprehend it, but even if he somehow did, it’s secondary to his real motive, which again is for his ‘mother,’ who he loves more than anyone else in the world.

Everything he does, with the exception of trying to convince Amame of his totally based and epic gamer plan to wipe out all human life that also involved murdering her dad, is for her. That plan he came up with is based on her beliefs about the world that he dedicated himself to because she taught them to him, and he is devoted to her without question. Shigure may say that Naix is more scientific than a cult, and is thus better than whatever Horadori is doing, but Tearer is their #1 worshipper, and that is because he adores her. He wants to prove her beliefs correct, to brings everyone to Moksha, because yes everyone will love him and worship him as a hero obviously and his endless pain and torment will end and be retconned into having not happened, but mostly because it would make her happy to be right, and if he makes her happy, then surely she will love him in return, right?

Nonentity Incognito is a somnium about Tearer’s absolute desperation for Shigure to love him in the same way she loves Jin. He wants to be her son. He cries to be let out, somebody, “MOM HELP ME,” but she won’t, and no one else will. They take his ideas, his work, his organs, his skin—everything from him, while they leave him locked in a rusty cell in a basement with a door that cannot open from the inside, and yet he still cries from the bottom of his heart “I love you so much! Why won’t you love me? Why, mom, why?” But he knows exactly why she won’t. Because Shigure loves Jin, or at least she did at one point (she doesn’t anymore care much anymore given she’s all for Tearer’s plan that killed him). As much as he screams and cries and begs, she will never love him. She never has loved him. To her, he was just a child with the right DNA that could be used to save the kid that mattered to her. When asked if Tearer is her son, even when he is right there, she does not answer; the silence speaks for itself. Nothing he does will ever make her love him. He will never be her son, no matter how much he wants to be.

Some may wonder then, with this level of horrific abuse, why would he even want to? Especially since he hates Horadori and Jin for his torment, something that is no secret and is clearly illustrated within and outside his somnium. I mean he explicitly picks both of them as targets because he hates them that much. Horadori only tortures him, and Jin gets not only what Horadori takes but Shigure’s love, the one thing he wants, but why does he want it? Why does he want her love?

Part Two: Damned | Destiny

Shigure Tokiko has given Tearer exactly one thing. Not freedom, not remorse, not even a half-hearted apology, no she didn’t give him anything for his sake, but she did give him something. She taught him about her shitty cult ideology. Shigure believes the world is a simulation. Nothing is real, so there is no pain, and no sorrow, and no unhappiness if we just leave this false prison. She promises him that if he follows her, they can leave this fake world together, where true happiness, paradise, lies. . She does not tell him this because she feels sorry for him, it’s not for him, but because his obvious suffering is a confrontation of her guilt. He is in constant agony because they steal his literal body from him and keep him trapped in a dingy prison in the basement living off preserved food in a broken refrigerator, and if his torture is real, then she is culpable for it. It is her fault he suffers, so it cannot be real. This world where something this horrific happened, where she is enabling and partaking in something this cruel because she loved her son she gave up, Furue Jin—she cannot accept it. She promises him a world where he does not feel pain, and she does not feel guilt.

This obviously is just like shitty, and evil, which yeah, she runs a cult and kidnapped a child, of course she is shitty and evil, but he would not see it that way. To him, an orphan kidnapped overnight who routinely has had his organs taken from him by one of his abductors for another child who gets to be loved (or at least receives some approximation of it) instead, this manipulative bullshit looks like kindness. He’s so young. They took him when he was only six, and now this woman is promising him she can take him to a world where not only will he not be in pain anymore, but it will have never happened.

No one comes for him. He cannot escape. Even if he could somehow get the door open, they’ve taken enough of his lungs he has trouble breathing when he sleeps, so imagine every other physical challenge he could face in a body they routinely steal from. Of course, he clings onto her promises, her teachings; He has to believe her. What choice does he have? He just wants it not to hurt anymore! He is trapped in a cell, and she is telling him that they can leave it if they leave this world behind. He can be free. He doesn’t have to hurt. He will never hurt again. What she has to offer him is insincere, it is not helpful, and it is not even truly for his benefit (they even steal his work for Naix, insane, cant have shit in horaken), but who else is there to offer him anything? Shigure Tokiko does not and will never love him; she will never view him as her son. At most she sees him as a brilliant tool to further her agenda, a convenience as well as an organ donor, but he cannot leave. He is their prisoner, trapped, so her self-self-serving ‘kindness’ is the only thing he has.

They don’t let him go outside, cause obviously their unwilling organ donator can’t escape, and he’s only allowed to learn and do the things they think would be useful to them, (quantum mechanics, molecular biology, electrical engineering, Naix’ fucking teachings, etc), he has no friends or actual family, he’s lost his name, he’s lost half his face and body—what does he have that is his own? What can he have that is his own? What choices can he make that are truly his, when he has so little freedom? What else can he do?

This is where determinism comes into play. Because Nirvana Initiative is not just about love, it is about choices, and how those things often intersect and tie together: the things you do for those you love, the things you do to get it, how far you’re willing to go in its name. Tearer was willing to end the world in the name of Shigure Tokiko, because he loves her. He loves her because he has no choice but to love her, because in the situation they put him in he can make no choices at all.

When Horadori Chikara and Shigure Tokiko made that decision to abduct the child with the right DNA to save their son from his half body tumors, they sealed that child’s fate. Their love, however warped it may be, damned him into being Tearer.

Regrettably for literally everyone besides Shigure, this means he kills people, takes people hostage, blows up a building, tries to commit world genocide, dresses like a clown, and all in all just kind of sucks and posts cringe 24/7. My poor little meow meow lmao. He is the principal antagonist of the game, even if he turns out to be fucking dead for half of it. This is in part, of course, because this fucking unhinged maniac has no hobbies outside of Zero Escape and vaporwave and designed all of his plans to work with or without him being alive, but like Saito in the first game, Tearer is also representative of an idea. You may have already figured out what purpose he serves already, but if not, I think it’ll become much clearer once we talk about how he affects the story as the antagonist.

Talking about every single detail in AINI would take too long and waste a lot of time, especially since not everything that happens in the game is ties back to the HB case (hence some of the controversy), so our purposes we will focus on the characters most affected by Tearer: Ryuki Kuruto and Doi Amame. Ryuki first!

Part Three:  Fractured | Mind

Now, to be completely fair, ya boi Ryuki was already going the fuck through it before the half body incident even started. Ryuki’s became a psyncer because of a childish sense of justice he cannot let go of because of the horrifying way he lost his twin brother, who was hit by a truck in pursuit of a criminal and half of his body was crushed beyond recognition. It was his brother with the heroic dreams, Ryuki is just carrying the torch. While the localization uses a reference to My Hero Academia, in the original Japanese, his catchphrase is an Anpanman reference, a superhero show for small children. He wants to do good, he wants to be a hero, to help people, but those naïve ideals can be easily twisted by his trauma and his grief, most notably into a profound hatred of criminals.

So, imagine you’re Ryuki, it’s the time of year your brother died, and now there’s a serial killer going around killing people by leaving half bodies: how do you think that’s going to go? And yeah! It goes like shit! He makes mistake after mistake after mistake, he’s constantly dissociating, memory lapses, he’s vibrating with anticipating waiting for Tama to give him the okay to kill some guys he thinks are tied to the incident, Ryuki shoots an unarmed civilian because he thinks they might be Tearer! He cannot separate his trauma from the case! And frankly, how could he be expected to?

I am not going to lie to you and pretend that Tearer designed the half body incident to trigger Ryuki’s personal issues deliberately. He didn’t. That guy doesn’t go outside lmao. But like Ryuki’s brother, Tearer too has been halved, and so he halves Horadori and Jin as punishment for what has happened to him. What is his catharsis is Ryuki’s trigger, and this inevitably leads Ryuki right into his grasp to be used, where the real shitshow begins.

Tearer has sabotaged Tama. He will kill her if Ryuki does not do what he wants, and what he wants is for Ryuki to kill Date and deal with any other minor nuisances in the meantime. And Ryuki shoots Bibi with a stun bullet, even if it worsens Bibi’s heart condition, because he loves Tama. He cannot bear Tama being destroyed, no matter how much Bibi screams at him, no matter how much she hates him.

He is under Tearer’s thrall up through to the cathedral, and he has one job. Shoot Date. Shoot Date, and Kizuna and Tama and everyone else in the cathedral gets to live! Seems easy, right? Even Date says he should shoot him. But despite this. Despite everything, despite all that is at stake, he can’t. Ryuki cannot shoot Date. It is the guilt of having shot Bibi, yes, but he loves Date. How could he ever shoot him? How can Tearer ask him to choose between the two people he loves more than anyone else in the world? How could he ever make this choice?

He can’t, so Tearer makes it for him, because Tearer has been making his decisions for him ever since he took Tama prisoner. He blows up the cathedral, and Mizuki loses her eye, and Kizuna is paralyzes, and Date is ‘killed,’ and Ryuki never moves on from this. He spends the next six years drinking into oblivion, his PTSD worsening, unable to forgive, unable to forget, unable to move forward. When ‘Jin’s other half’ drops he throws himself back into the case, still a wreck, still hallucinating, still having manic and dissociative episodes, to the point he doesn’t even seem to know what year it is, often interacting with others like it is 2020.

You might remember he caught TC-Perge, the bioweapon Tearer had Horadori Institute make, but the literal elements of a text are never just literal. When Ryuki dissociates or he hallucinates, it comes in the form of glitches to the matrix. Tearer believes in simulation theory, because of Shigure. She and Horadori kept him imprisoned, and she taught him the world itself is a fake they must escape from. For him, this virus is an escape attempt, but like how cutting people in half is cathartic for him but triggering for Ryuki, TC-PERGE is his prison.

Tearer is dead, but it is what remains of him haunts. It lingers, it possesses, and it does not let Ryuki forget or move forward. Ryuki is stuck in place, in February 2020 during the Half-Body Incident, because since it kept triggering him he ended up trapped, forced to do the bidding of the one that reminds him most of his trauma against those he loves most. He is trapped in the time Tearer stripped his agency from him, used his love against him, and that love is now his cage. It has transformed into guilt.

Who do you love, and how? What does love mean to you? Ryuki loved his brother, to the point that he choose to live the live he should have had, to uphold his ideals of justice. For Ryuki, love is grief is trauma. It is a list of reasons for him to hate himself. Tearer only adds to that list. He puts Ryuki in the same place he is, unable to move, clinging on to your own self destruction. For Tearer, it is the Nirvana Initiative, and for Ryuki, it’s the alcoholism, and the self-loathing, and the belief he has to solve and fix it all himself or die trying because it is the only way he can possibly atone. He takes a bullet for Date, even after he gets the pep talk from them and told they forgive him, and the only way he can atone is by working together to move forward. It seems only by taking it does he find his way out.

Ryuki gets cured. He will heal from his gunshot wound. Tama is free from Tearer’s clutches, and Date is fucking fine, and Ryuki will be okay. There was a way out of this hellish nightmare Tearer put him in, and it did not involve making the villains and himself pay forever indefinitely, it involved forgiveness. It involved accepting the love offered to you, because it should not be a prison, but freedom.  

But the other person was not so lucky.

Part Four: Choose | Correctly

Okay to just take care of this, Tearer thinks he’s thinks he’s in love with Amame, but what’s actually happening is he hasn’t like seen a human woman who isn’t his ‘mom’ for like two decades, and his maturity levels are out of wack cause of the human experimentation prison cell thing, so his hormones are just going crazy. I have nothing further to say about this aspect. It’s just sad, and a little gross, and it’s not interesting. We’re moving on.

Determinism and causality already haunt Amame before Tearer kills her father. Doi Amame is a girl split in two. Every decision presented to her, every choice she makes is logged deep within her heart and kept perfectly preserved in bubbles, and sometimes she takes them out and rotates them, let’s the light distort their colors into something new. What if she stayed with her father during the divorce? What if she worked a different job? Less hours? Part of her is always in the past, ruminating on what could have been if only she had done something different, maybe it would have been better. In that sense, she and Ryuki have a lot in common, and it’s also why Ryuki should have been the protagonist full time, but this is not that essay.

We will briefly have to talk about Komeji, the king of bad decisions. If there were ever a reason for Amame to be constantly thinking about the consequences of her actions, it would be looking at her dad and going “Jesus Christ.” He loves family dearly, but he consistently makes short-sighted decisions that sound great in the moment, but get him and the people he loves further in hot water. This is why he thought it was a great idea to blackmail the serial killer with the body he found and stole, cause he was wasted, and hey it’ll get him money which he can pay the loan sharks with and then his kids will be safe right?  WRONG. SO WRONG DUDE. Guy was a hot mess, and he pays for it with his life.

It because of that Amame and Tearer meet. Amame hides Furue Jin’s left half in the freezer in Brahman, and she shows up at Studio Dvaita just in time for Tearer to be finishing up arranging her father’s corpse, although she does not know it’s his at first. Their fates are now inexorably intertwined. “I met the person of my destiny.” Amame discovers her father in the body-bag.

While Tearer develops a bunch of fantasies about her over the course of six years, because what else is he going to fucking do I guess, Amame grieves and mourns. Her pile of capsuled choices only grows with every minute of every day, and she spends more time looking at them. Thinking about them. Wondering which choice was the correct one. Maybe she should have stayed with her father. Maybe she should have told the truth and worked less hours to come home early. Maybe she should have comforted him when Furue Jin’s body dropped on Face to Faith, because she knew he needed it. Could she have saved him then? Would he still be alive now? Yes, Komeji was a hot mess, but he was her dad! She loved him! And now he’s gone, forever.

Maybe she could have made peace with that, had her encounters with Tearer ended there. While it would never be fair, or right, knowledge that Komeji never made good choices, and that it was another bad choice that lead him to Tearer could be made peace with. With a lack of specifics about what Tearer was even trying to do before or after her father got involved with his plans, she could fill in the blanks herself, tell herself similar stories like the what ifs she conjures because there are no answers to her questions. But that is not what fate has in store for her.

Amame gets a phone call from Tearer. He wants to meet with her, because he is convinced, for reasons we will get to in a second, that she will understand him. And Amame, although she knows she hates him, knows she cannot forgive him for what he has done to her father, knows she is plagued by the decisions she has made that she can never undo, she does not call the police. She does not tell anyone. She accepts his offer, and she goes. She just wants to know what he has to say, right? She just wants answers. Only that. Then she’ll leave. Finally, an explanation for why her father was killed.

And she gets it!  And it’s the worst explanation she’s ever heard in her entire life! Simulation? Moksha? Nirvana Initiative? What the fuck is he talking about? Her dad died for this? She asks him if he remembers what happened on February 13th, 2020, the day her dad was murdered. She is trying to gauge if he remembers what he did to her father, if he even cares at all. And all he has to say is “That was the fateful day I met you.” Her father? He doesn’t matter. Komeji died because he needed a body to put at Misetan since Jin’s other half was never returned, and Tearer considers this entire thing a performance and a game. It wasn’t personal, like Horadori, or Furue Jin. It meant next to nothing to him. Her father died for no reason. He just moves on! He laughs! He’s blathers on maniacally about his plans to destroy all life on earth in the name of liberation or whatever, right in front of a woman whose dad he killed that he doesn’t remember or consider important!

He thinks she thinks this is super based, and that he’s like the smartest guy ever, and that he’s going to save the day, and that it’s an honor she is getting the chance to work with him, that she is considered intelligent and special enough to know about their ideals. Why does he think this? Is he delusional? Has he lost his mind? Well, yes, obviously, that happened like ages ago when they started stealing his organs and trapped him in the basement, but there’s another layer. Shigure Tokiko does not love him, but she only ever validated him when he supported her cult ideology, and his other relationships do not exist. She is his only frame of reference. He wishes to connect with Amame because he wishes to connect with another human being and be understood, and Amame was there, but he only knows how to do that through this shitty cult he is thoroughly indoctrinated in to the point he kills people and plans genocide for it, and with all that in mind, the result is inevitable.

It was bold of him to turn his back to her. She was never going to understand him. Enda Amame knocks him out with a wrench, drags him to the slicer, and kills him in the same way he killed her father. Another decision she can never take back. But she was not alone. Shigure saw her kill him, and now she is under her thrall. She has to move not just his body, but hers, or else her secret will get out. So she helps Shigure with her plan, to keep her secret, and lives the next couple of days quiet and somber, lost in her what ifs and her grief. She cannot bear this weight much longer. Not just her loss, or the weight of the secret she now keeps, but the ever-mounting regrets that began years ago.

“I did what was best for me! I don’t care if people attack me for it, I have no regrets! I have no regrets!” Amame cries at the end of Nightmare Irreconcilable, a Somnium that plays through each of her regrets, and the things she could have done instead. She wants so desperately to believe this, because while she can imagine going to see Komeji instead of Iris, or picking him in the divorce, she can’t picture not killing Tearer, even though her regrets all lead her to that point. Even though killing him did not bring her father back, but just took her away from her brother, and Gen, and her other best friends.

When Tearer calls Amame “the person of his destiny,” he is correct, but not for the reason he thinks he is. Before him, Amame’s life is full of people who love her, and of people who love her in return. Yes, her father is a mess, and the divorce was hard, but she’s okay. She has support, and she’s kind and self-sacrificing and a little eccentric, but that just makes her lovable. The choices she makes matter but they are not a fixation of hers. The world is open. She is free.

But that day in Dvaita, the world starts to close up. She is still loved, and she still loves people, and she’s still gentle and eccentric, but she’s starting to close off. Her dad’s decisions lead to the slicer. What does that mean for her? Was the world always so small? He’s gone, and there are no answers, just a hole that will never heal, no matter how much people love her, or how much she loves in return. The pathways for her get narrower and narrower and narrower, leading her directly to that dingy cell that seals her fate. And just like the man she killed that was trapped down there, she too is treated as another disposable tool by Shigure Tokiko, and is currently trapped in a cell, not unlike where he used to be.  

To talk about Tearer is to talk about Amame because to talk about Amame is to talk about Tearer. They are direct responses to one another. Tearer was damned into being so at age six. His ability to choose, to love, to decide were all taken from him when he was stolen from that orphanage. And this monstrous cruelty contaminates everything it touches. Tearer desperately tries to escape to a world where his trauma never happened because it is all that he is, and like him she fixates on imagined possibilities where things are better, because the pain of her loss is too much to bear.

The world was available to Amame, until it was infected by him, by what he had no choice but to become. He killed her father, and although the world was still available to her, she was still free, she could not see it. All she saw was the past she could not undo, the family she lost forever, and the man who was to blame. For that one moment, Amame threw out all the love the world still had to offer her because she hated him more, and immediately regretted it. It’s the cycle of cruelty, of abuse, of trauma.

Conclusion: Trauma | Symbolism

This is why Tearer fucking rules, more than anything else. He is the embodiment of trauma, the breathing symbol of thematic horror the cast is trying to overcome. That’s why half his body is literally fucking chitin, a visual representation of the wounds that do not heal. That’s why his personality is entirely formed by the horrific experiences he had at the hands of Horadori and Shigure, and why everything he does is motivated by that experience, down to his fucking name! He was literally trapped because when you’re traumatized it often feels like you cannot move from where you are. He clings to Shigure and her idealogy because she stands for nihilism. She promises all those that enter her grasp that this world is meaningless and the only real way to find happiness is by ending it all: a death wish. He never leaves the narrative, even after he’s killed, and killing him cannot defeat him, just perpetuates the cycle. Amame only comes out of that even more traumatized, more guilt-ridden and horrified, it adds to her trauma. Trauma is not something you kill. His plan to kill everyone is to make people destroy themselves from the inside out, by ruining their minds so they cannot interact with one another without inevitably causing pain.

The only way to stop him is through unity and attempting to mend bridges, by process the things that hurt you instead of bottling them up. Accept the love that people give you. Embrace the opportunities that the world still has to offer.

Bonus: Somezuki Uru

You must have one question left. How come in this entire essay, I never once called him by his real name? I even pretended for a second he lost it forever somehow. Well, that’s because…Tearer is an idea, isn’t he? He is entirely shaped by the horrors forced upon him. Like I just said, he is trauma. We don’t know anything about Somezuki Uru, other than he was orphan, a normal boy, and honestly based on knowledge of Sejima’s cursed dick and balls, his brilliance in technical achievement as Tearer is probably an indicator of something significant going on in his brain that just isn’t to the same degree as cancer or the oxytocin deficiency. My money is on autism (source: autistic). Everything else we get is shaped by the horrors, and I just talked about those at length. But if I still have you here…

It is 1996, and tucked into his bed at Aioen orphanage, Uru wonders what tomorrow may bring? Rain or sunshine? Outside the open window, the moon that hangs high in the half-clouded sky has no clear answers. The breeze smells wet. Maybe it’ll rain after all. Didn’t Mr. Chieda get that new game for the computer….? That might be fun to try. He yawns. The breeze smells dry again, but he’ll worry about it tomorrow. This great big world full of possibilities isn’t going anywhere.

I hope the world you live in right now is kind to you. Thank you for reading this.

[bread-squid-uwu]

THANK YOU @dizzybevvie LMAO 🩵🩵

So, just a DISCLAIMER that I'm talking about my rewrite with some splashes of canon influence but I'm mostly just ignoring canon Dante for this, anyway

The main songs I associate with Dante are:

I'm A Natural Blue.

Obviously because of the title being a reference to Awstens blue hair, and the associations of blue with negative types of emotions and such. In my head, Dante has naturally black hair but despises that - so he dyes EVERYTHING blue and hopes it's convincing enough. He wants to look as different from his brother as possible.

The lines about seeing that your idols aren't who you once assumed them to be, seeing the truth rather than seeing someone to admire.. everyone knows Dante really really admired and looked up to Gene, who was never the best person. I see this as Dante recognizing that, finally seeing that his big brother was actually cruel and even dangerous.

Dante going through that world shattering realization that the person he trusted the most, looked up to, and even based himself off of for so long.. was horrible. And, perhaps, going off of that - looking at how he had tried so hard to copy and be like Gene, perhaps he too had done horrible things.

The struggles of trying to break from these ideas, having seen the reality of everything happening. The struggles of trying to figure out who he is without trying to base himself on who he thinks of as cool or popular.

The frustrations of realizing he was so blind to it all for so long, the ways that idolizing and loving Gene must've looked to people who knew everything Gene had done.

I could go so much more in depth, line by line, but I'll stop here for now!! I love this song in this context.

We Need To Talk.

Clover. - a danvis fic written by me, based on this song.

It Follows.

Dante canonically has a lot of anxiety around actually getting into relationships, we see this multiple times. Obviously this was very different back in Phoenix Drop High, but we also know that Dante hasn't been in a relationship since he was in high school - said by Garroth.

"I think with my heart, and love with my head." Seems like a very fitting line for this fact.

"Kiss me like nobody would when I was fifteen." We know in high school he was never very genuine with his relationships and, I think as an adult he wants something real - something genuine, where they can actually care about each other. Instead of the "haha player😎" he was before.

Looking at S2? Well...

"I've spent some years rewinding, but I'm still just me." This line I feel like is about finding himself relapsing into those previous non-genuine behaviors from high school, finding himself repeating those mistakes. I'm not talking about the situation with Nicole and Jenna, he was never actually dating Nicole, he did not cheat on her. I'm talking about him going around and flirting with many different girls on the beach. Eventually, I think he'd pull himself from this and realize that he slipped backwards, and feel guilty over finding himself repeating the mistakes that defined a version of him he previously tried so hard to bury - which is going back to the ideas from "I'm a natural blue" - when I describe this as a relapse I'm not exaggerating. Knowing those behaviors stem from Gene? I think it warrants being called a relapse.

The rest of the lines, however, I do think are about Nicole.

With the context of him struggling with his past, his sense of self, the guilt, and of course.. Gene being around? I think the situation between Nicole and Jenna would get to him on a much deeper level.

"If I could find my something to burn out these feelings, I'd cut them out completely and I'd stop this reeling. I think with my heart, and love with my head. Do you see the problem here? You rip me to shreds. I think with my heart, you fuck with my head." I see about him feeling like he's never truly changed from high school. With Nicole making the claims that he was cheating, etcetera, it gets into his head.

Really looking at the situation, he was already struggling with himself - and he was already struggling with Nicole as well. Knowing his apprehension towards relationships, his anxiety towards Nicole, and the fact that the two were never official on top of him desperately wanting to end the flirting and such with her? Well, "So tear into my heart, and love with my head. Do you see the problem here? You rip me to shreds. I've fallen apart, I'm missing your breath. Can we stand to break the fingers pointing the blame, Or will they always follow me?"

Stupid For You.

Danvis.

"I'm color-coding my moods, you're yellow, I'm natural blue

Let's get together and be green like my insides

At least I'll match your eyes, jealous and hypnotized

Let's match our faces and be equally in love. "

I don't think I need to say anything else lmao

THANK YOU BEV FOR THE EXCUSE TO POST THIS,,,

i'm always open to waterparks dante questions so uhm, feel free to ask for more or ask about this or something!!!!

[drakaripykiros130ac]

I don't understand how anyone can like the Greens in the series. I like them in the books because they are good villains, specifically Alicent. I would have given anything to see her come to life on screen rather than the pathetic thing we were treated to. That doesn't help with the fact that apparently Ryan Condal has finally confirmed he's team Greens... I'll never understand this guy. How could he read the book and say that no, the Greens were justified in any way ?! Also, the guts you have to have, even within this fandom, to openly say you support the group of misogynistic and blood purist usurpers... In the sense of saying that they are completely right or that Blacks are just as horrible! But in what universe ?! Ryan Condal would also have said that we would probably change preferred camps in season 2... Man, you can still dream, even with your stupid supporting documents for TG everyone still prefers the Blacks team. It's distressing that the director of the series himself doesn't understand anything he's adapting and that so many people are going in this direction. The number of idiots who tried to explain to me that both teams were equally horrible, that the Greens can't be pure villains because GRRM only writes complex characters, it's obvious. Like GRRM has never written a pure villain ? Are you sure you've read the books he wrote ? No but I swear that since the release of the series, asoiaf fans are worse than before in their unjustified hatred of the Targaryens... These people think they are moral by wanting to put the two teams on the same level or by saying that the Blacks are worse. That revolts me.

Essentially what neutrals think ;

“Yes, it’s not good what the Greens did, but the Blacks are no better seen as they dared to fight back for their rights.”

Like... What dimension did I land in ?!

Just last time, I received comments from someone supposedly accepting that the Greens were worse, but trying to explain to me that Daemon groomed Rhaenyra (which is false book or series), that the murder of 'a Greens child is unjustified (while the Greens shed blood first and we are in a feudal context) that Lucerys taking Aemond's eye is unjustified (Wtf ?!) ah and the best thing was to me say at face value that Daemon was not a gray character and that he was like Aegon IV... (Again... WTF ?!)

https://www.tumblr.com/darklinaforever/701570671006875648/i-hate-when-people-say-greens-and-blacks-are-on

(Afterwards I wasn't gentle in my answers either, but I'm fed up with this type of people)

I personally never liked the greens in the book. To me, they were always the villains. Always. I never viewed Daemon and Rhaenyra as pure innocent angels, don’t get me wrong. I recognize the few mistakes Rhaenyra makes in the book, as well as Daemon’s many, many faults.

For instance, yes, Rhaenyra should not have had Vaemond murdered (even though what he spoke was treasonous and threatened her position as well as the lives of her children). She should not have gone so far with the taxes during her reign (even though she was left with no choice).

However, in this story, despite all their faults, I always felt Rhaenyra and Daemon were perfectly justified. Because their good qualities kind of eclipse the bad stuff. The Blacks are the anti-heroes of the story. They have done some questionable things, but all of them have been justified/done with good reason and good purpose.

The Greens are a whole different story. Everything they have done (mainly Alicent and Otto), they have done out of jealousy and pure greed (hence why they were given the color “green” - the color of greed and envy). 95 % of the war crimes are done by the Greens. Literally the only thing the Blacks are to be held accountable for is B&C. Other than that, every crime was courtesy of the Greens.

To me, the Greens have always been split between those who are anti-villains (Aegon, Helaena, Daeron), and those who are pure villains (Alicent, Otto, Aemond).

For the anti-villains: The one time Aegon presents some goodness is when he has reservations about usurping his half-sister. Other than that, he is pure evil; Helaena can’t be considered a pure innocent soul either. She has good qualities, but she is extremely underdeveloped as a character in the book and we don’t know her thoughts, her motives. She didn’t protest the usurpation and accepted the position of queen consort easily; Daeron is somehow given a free pass by certain people because he is “the daring”, and while that’s true, these people forget how he burned a whole village of innocent people alive.

For the pure villains, not much need be said. Alicent and Otto are a bunch of opportunistic hypocrites and vicious upstarts. I haven’t sensed any bit of goodness in them. Aemond is a psycho with zero redeeming qualities.

Now, in the show, I don’t feel as if the Greens are portrayed better than they have been in the book. I feel like the show writers (mainly Ryan Condal) are trying to come up with lame excuses for them, and it’s just not working. The great majority of the viewers still hate Alicent as much as they did in the book, regardless how many times she presents those “doe eyes”, and the great majority still believe the Greens are in the wrong.

In the show, when it comes to the Greens, there’s always some sort of “reason”, some sort of “accident”. Alicent didn’t mean to shoot her mouth off and convince Larys to murder the current hand, Lyonel Strong, so that her father could return as Hand (even though that is exactly what she wanted). Aemond didn’t mean to let Vhagar know that he wants Lucerys dead (even though his pursuing and direct attack showed his intentions to murder the boy). Crispin somehow didn’t mean to crush Beesbury’s skull in that ball, even though he acted aggressively towards the man for simply speaking the truth and nothing but the truth at that treasonous Council meeting.

These excuses the show writers make for the greens make no sense whatsoever. They should have stuck with the actual canon portrayal, because it’s just ridiculous at this point.

So what if the two sides are not evenly matched?

They’re not supposed to!

GRRM doesn’t write purely good vs bad in his universe, that is true. He loves the complexity of the characters and the stories. However, that does not mean that he intended for the Blacks and the Greens to be evenly matched in this story.

He himself admitted that he wrote the book more in the Blacks’ favor because that’s how he felt (ironic, considering that Fire and Blood is told from the point of view of green supporters). It’s his story. I have seen people accuse him of being biased, always in favor of the Blacks.

Yes, he clearly wrote the Blacks as the protagonists, with better developed characters, with the best allies, the most heroic/epic deaths, most dragons, most Houses supporting them.

I mean, the Starks are TB, while the Lannisters are TG. That alone should give you a clue as to which side you’re supposed to be rooting for.

Clearly GRRM is Team Black, but who says he can’t be? Who says that the sides have to be evenly matched? It’s his story! If he says the Blacks are right, the Blacks are right.

TG stans are just in denial at this point.

[altschmerzes]

THE 13 BOOKS I READ IN 2023 IN ORDER FROM BEST TO WORST + THE PROTAGONIST'S SUPERLATIVE. PART 2.

6. A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engel. a timeless classic that i love love love. meg is such a fun protagonist and i really enjoyed experiencing this as an adult again. the whole like… helpless devastated rage she feels when she realizes that adults can't just. fix everything? that sequence will always rattle me around like a mason jar fulla beans. she's such a like… man. the way the narrative was like. this isn't fair. it isn't right. it's happening anyway. i'm so sorry, but it's happening anyway. that really got me.

Protagonist: Meg Murry. Most Likely To Have A Profound And Life Altering Impact On Adolescent Weird Girls Who Read Her Book.

7. Whiskeyjack by Victoria Goddard. third book in the series, slightly less fun than the others but only very slightly. i cannot emphasize enough how difficult it was to rank like, 2-8. had some VERY fun stuff with like…. things you learn that then go back and recontextualize everything else. ended on a scene that made me fucking sob which is always a plus in my book. themes of FAMILY and LOYALTY and SACRIFICE. my fucking beloved. yes please. the pov character continues to have a horrible little time. also love that.

Protagonist: (again, series has dual protagonists, so switching back) Peregrine Dart. Most Likely To Be The Unwitting Conduit Of The Deus Ex Machina. Deus Ex Dart.

8. One By One by Ruth Ware. just a really good classic mystery thriller. i love a mystery thriller, and ruth ware seems to always hit for me. managed to pull off a pov switch between two pov characters one of whom had a massive, MASSIVE secret without it seeming completely nonsensical once revealed or relying on the pov character talking in deliberately obtuse or evasive ways that would be really tiresome and insulting if carried through. there was a set of tech bro startup characters that were obnoxious and infuriating in exactly the way that those people are in real life, so points for that for SURE even though i did wanna throttle them.

Protagonist: Erin (Lastname). Most Deserving Of A Tropical Vacation.

9. The Ritual by Adam Nevill. this is the most brutal book i have read in recent memory. possibly at all. this guy gets put all the way through the wringer physically and emotionally and it is visceral in the way it is described. the protagonist was a profoundly unpleasant person a lot of the time but this was deliberate and really engaging, honestly. there were some moments of stark self-reflection from him about the ways in which he did not like who he was and the things he did, and when he recognized how like. unfair and cruel he was being to the others in his head. wasn't as good as the movie, imo, but the changes that they made between the book and film made total sense given the sheer level of interiority in the book. and boy howdy how much interiority. whoof.

Protagonist: Luke. Most Surprising Survival.

10. I Am Not Who You Think I Am by Eric Rickstad. i think the most damning thing that can be said about this book is that i literally can't remember almost anything about it. it was compelling in some ways and there were a few very specific moments that i was really gripped by but most of it was like. a really flat letdown. it was interesting enough as a mystery that i finished it but i don't even really remember why, now.

Protagonist: Wayland Maynard. Most Forgettable Guy.

11. The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken. just. ugh. dystopia ya in a bad way. too complicated and not well established. dumbass colour coding system. it could've been so fun, i love traumatized teenagers with powers and an evil government in all sincerity but this just did not do anything good with it. it looked like it COULD have but it DIDN'T. the love interest character was a DICK. there was some weird gender takes that popped out of nowhere. jump-scared by gender. did enjoy watching the movie though because it was fucking insane and gave me a scene where the protagonist and the love interest shared a passionate embrace over what fully appeared to be the dead body of the love interest's theoretical best friend. amazing. no notes.

Protagonist: Ruby Daly. Most Likely To One Day Decide She's Tired Of Being Nice And She Does Want To Go Apeshit Actually.

12. Reputation by Sarah Vaughan. [VIDEODROME PRESCREEN AUDIENCE REVIEW WHERE THEY JSUT WROTE 'SUCKED' AND GOT SO UPSET ABOUT HOW BAD IT WAS THEY MARKED THE WRONG GENDER] this book was BAD. the writing was bad. the characters were bad and not on purpose. the politics of the book were uh. whoof. what if white girlboss feminism was a novel. points for some of the hardest i've laughed tho at Nice Dick Mike the journalist that the protagonist cannot respect after she sleeps with him and Lady Cop With Bangs, the traitor to womanhood.

Protagonist: Emma Webster. Most Likely To Submit An Extremely Long Post To Reddit Dot Com Slash Am I The Asshole That Leaves Out A Lot Of Like, Extremely Critical Information That When Uncovered All Makes Her Look Really Fucking Bad While She Seems To Still Think It Was Entirely Irrelevant And Honestly Unfair To Even Consider. Gd Forbid Women Do Anything.

UNCATEGORIZED: 21st Century Jocks: Sporting Men And Contemporary Heterosexuality by Eric Anderson. there was simply no way to rank this among the others, it was too completely different. they were all very different books but this was just. entirely different. had a wonderful time with it though!! gave me a lot to think about as someone who thinks a lot

thank you for joining me on this journey. i loved reading books again this year and would wholeheartedly recommend anything ranked 1-9 on this list, provided you like the genre/vibe.

[cornie-heesan]

Part One: "Leave me out in the forest to rot"

Staring| non idol! Bang Chan x fem!reader

Featuring| Other members of stray kids as supporting characters

Started| April 30, 2024

Ended| ???

Part| 1/???

Word Count| 789

A/N| This is going to be a multi-part fic where each chapter will come with it's own set of warnings to adequately fit each one.

pt. 2| All of my writings are works of pure fiction. In no way are they representative of the idols mentioned in them. If you don't like them, don't read them.

pt.3 The writing style of these parts will vary depending on the situation. Some parts may be written in 3rd person 'You' form or through the perspective of a narrator.

WARNINGS| none really, besides cussing because I am the way I am. This part is short. Trying to ya know, set the scene with this series lol

There are certain things that some would consider the simple joys in life. For example, reading a book, painting a picture, or even listening to a favorite podcast. However, those who do not enjoy some of these activities would rather you suffer a horrible day and spill an entire hot pot of coffee where coffee is not intended. 

Y/N is one of those simple pleasure kind of people- whereas her coworker Jeongin is one of the world’s biggest haters of her happiness. This is how the three opening baristas of The Cup House start their morning. Agonized screaming, cursing, and a whole batch of coffee wasted.

“Yang Jeongin, I swear to god when I get my hands on you- your ancestors will detest your very existence!”

“Fucking bite me, Y/N! I am not listening to that stupid podcast anymore!”

Felix watches in pure horror as the youngest of the baristas throws a dirty dish rag at Y/N- only adding fuel to the fire. From his couple of months working here, Felix has determined that the relationship between you and Jeongin borders on homicidal siblings. If one of you is worked up, then the other is right there to make it worse than it needs to be. 

“Guys! We literally open in two minutes!” Felix tries his best to start cleaning up the coffee around the two of you bickering- next thing he knows you’re standing behind the counter in nothing but the lacy bra you told him about over the weekend. 

“I swear to go Jeongin when I tell Mr. Kim about this bullshit he’s revoking your access to the fucking tips.” 

All the commotion leaves all three baristas too distracted to hear the bell above the door. Y/N and Jeongin are bickering back and forth as Felix tries to hand Y/N a dry shirt to cover up with before any customers, let alone their boss see what’s happening.

“Wow… When Han said there was interesting service here, I didn’t think he meant this.” There’s a low whistle that causes the baristas to freeze- before turning to the two men on the opposite side of the counter. Jeongin and Felix recognized them as two of the employees from the music store across the street- a place they frequented often on their shared days off.

Y/N tries to keep her blush at bay when her eyes met those of the purple haired customer- he grins sheepishly trying to keep his eyes at a respectful level. Damn this man and his cute fucking dimples. Y/N snatches the shirt from Felix before glaring at Jeongin "Fuck you, Innie," her shoulder checks his as she storms by- blush crawling up her neck.

"Did we just witness a breakup?" Changbin snorts leaning against the counter "If I ever dated Y/N- I want someone to leave me out in the forest to rot." Jeongin scoffs before turning towards the kitchen to make a fresh batch of coffee. Chan watches him wide eyed before meeting Felix's already exhausted eyes- "They are friends through Y/N's younger brother. So like, by proxy they have to dislike one another."

Chan slowly nods, "but, why was her shirt off?" still confused about what The Cup House was all about "IN, spilled an entire batch of black coffee on her. I didn't stop their fighting in time to stop the strip show, unfortunately." Felix sighs grabbing the cups for their regular orders.

"I'd smash" Changbin smirks in the direction Y/N wandered off towards before a heavy slap landed on the back of his head "Shut the fuck up Bin,"

"Wait," Han stops the music playing throughout the store "You guys walked in and Y/N just had her shirt off?" He can't believe that "The one day I don't offer to go get the coffee!" He yells before getting a response "Dude, she didn't even spare me a glance. I doubt she would've noticed you with the way she was going in on Innie," Changbin snorts

"But she's so mommy when she's yelling like that" there was no hesitation with Han's response. He's always had a bit of a thing for women who yell and degrade him. Chan's eyebrows furrow as he looks away from his laptop. "You two need professional help," he says while grabbing his headset to pull over his head.

"Goooood morning, ladies and gents it's Chan,"

"Binnie"

"And ya boy Han- thanks for tuning into 3racha. All things music and a little bit about our personal lives," at this Changbin snorts "More like ninety-five percent our personal lives and five percent music."

"So, here's my first question out for the twitter audience- how would you react if the cute barista across the street was just serving you in her bra?"

So, this is part one. I wanted to use this as an introduction to the series. Also, to introduce the personalities- somewhat- of all those involved. You'll learn a bit more about the personalties of Chan and Y/N the further we get into this.

[raaorqtpbpdy]

The Undead Adventurer (1)

When an interrupted resurrection spell leaved Danny halfway between life and death, his adventuring career should have been over. But Danny Fenton won't let something as minor as being regularly mistaken for a member of a zombie horde, or kidnapped by an unknowable monster of death stop him from becoming the strongest adventurer in the world with his best friends by his side.

For the following prompts:

His head spun. He couldn’t see past the light above him. What was it? [from @q-gorgeous]

Fantasy/rpg setting. Danny died, but the resurrection spell went wrong, and now he’s trapped as something not quite dead but not fully alive either. Not that he’d ever let that stop him from becoming an adventurer, even if he does get mistaken as a resident dungeon monster by other adventuring parties every now and then… [from @lexiepiper]

Danny catches the eye of something he shouldn't. (Eldritch affection or soft horror encouraged) [from Ventisette Stars]

Read on AO3

Chapter 1: Incantationus Interruptus (next chapter)

[Warnings for death, mentioned violence, and some explicit language]

Something felt... wrong, as Danny woke up. His head spun. He couldn't see past the light above him. What was it? The sun? He'd been in a dungeon a moment ago, but... it was surely night time by now. The moon? No. It was too close.

"Uh... Sam... I think you fucked up the spell."

Tucker?

"Me? I can't cast resurrection spells! All I did was teleport us out of there so we could take him to town for a resurrection. He should still be dead!"

Sam?

"Are we entirely sure he isn't?" Tucker asked. "If it wasn't your spell, maybe it was that lich we were fighting. What if it brought Danny back as a zombie? What if he's evil now?"

"'M not evil," Danny groaned.

His eyes were slowly adjusting to his surroundings. It was, in fact, night time, and it should have been dark, but Danny could see everything as clear as if it were daylight, even the stars. The blinding light above him, it seemed, was Sam's staff, lit up so they could see their surroundings, but it looked far, far brighter than Danny could ever remember it being before.

"Well... if you're not evil, then was it a true resurrection spell that got fucked up when Sam's teleportation spell interrupted it?" Tucker asked.

"Or was it a monster resurrection spell that got fucked up when my teleportation spell interrupted it?" Sam asked.

"What are you talking about?" Danny asked.

The last thing he could remember was getting hit with a devastating magical lightning attack when they were fighting a lich, then waking up all but blinded by Sam's usually dim light spell.

"Well..." Sam dug around in her various pouches and pockets for a while before finally taking out a small, shiny, round object that Danny recognized after a moment as her compact mirror. "See for yourself."

She handed him the mirror, but when he looked into it, the face he saw was not his own. His dark hair had turned white, his eyes glowed green like those horrible zombies in the dungeon they'd just been fighting in.

"Am I a zombie?" he asked. "But... I can still think and stuff. I'm still myself."

"Yeah," Tucker agreed. "That's what we were wondering about, too."

"We should take him into town and try to find a high-level wizard, or a magic researcher, or something who might be able to tell us what happened to him," Sam suggested.

"Agreed," Danny said.

He tried to get to his feet, but when he pushed up off of the ground, he began to float. He flailed his arms and tried to come back down, but it was as if gravity didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

"Uh, guys?"

His companions stared at him, shocked for a moment, until Tucker stuck out his bow for Danny to grab onto and pulled him back down to earth. Once his feet were on solid ground, Danny felt gravity return to him, and when they walked to the nearby town, Danny made sure to keep at least on foot firmly on the ground at all times.

The nearest town was called Casper, and thanks to it being situated so near a difficult dungeon, it had plenty of magic users and shops offering magical services. More than most towns this far in the middle of nowhere would have.

When they entered the town, and everywhere they went, people stared, gasped in fear and generally did their best to avoid the trio. It seemed Danny's new appearance wasn't exactly putting them at ease. In the townspeople's defense, he did look like an undead monster now. That was kinda the problem they were trying to solve in town.

They went to three different people in search of answers, Star, the grand wizard's apprentice, although the grand wizard himself was away at the moment; the old, and confusingly named, wizard Lancer; and lastly to a magical researcher called Sidney Poindexter. The first two had never seen anything like Danny and couldn't offer any insight into his condition. The third had never seen anything like him either, but was at least willing to run some tests.

Sidney Poindexter possessed only weak magical powers, but was apparently an unrivaled expert in magic relating to death and resurrection, which was why he'd moved to a town so near a dungeon with a lich. So when Lancer first directed the adventurers to him, he sounded like the perfect person to ask.

"Wow, what happened to you?" Poindexter asked when they walked in, staring openly at Danny.

"We were hoping you might be able to answer that," Danny told him.

"Oh, well, in that case, why don't we find out!"

Poindexter's study was cramped and crowded, full of books, scrolls, and strange equipment. He sat Danny on an empty stool, and spent the next several hours running various tests and taking various readings. He had Danny attempt certain tasks, like flying, turning invisible, and passing through solid objects, all of which he managed with surprising ease, considering they should have been impossible.

Sam and Tucker had fallen asleep on the floor by the time he finally had anything to report.

"I believe I have a conclusion!" Poindexter announced at last.

The two snoozing adventurers jerked awake and sat bolt upright.

"Wh-what is it?" Tucker mumbled out, tiredness giving him a bit of a stammer.

"You say whatever resurrection spell was cast on your friend must have been done so by the lich in the dungeon, correct?" Poindexter asked.

"Yeah," Sam confirmed.

"I believe the lich was trying to resurrect him as a Zombie General, rather than a regular Zombie," the researcher explained. "There are many different kinds of resurrection spells, but the three main ones are true resurrection, soul resurrection, and monster resurrection.

"True resurrection brings the deceased back exactly as they were in life, both body and soul—although it cannot prevent them from developing psychological problems related to their death. Soul resurrection brings the deceased's soul back to life, apart from their body, creating a ghost. And monster resurrection brings the body back to life without it's soul, creating things like zombies and skeletons and the like."

"Yeah, that's common knowledge," Sam said. "Can you get to the point."

"Sorry, after a certain level of expertise, I realized I couldn't count on myself to know what knowledge was common and what was obscure, so I just explain everything, just in case," Poindexter apologized. "As I was saying, however, there are other types of resurrection besides those three. One of them is monster lord resurrection, which brings back the deceased as an especially powerful undead monster, such as a Zombie General, or a Skeleton Leader, which have higher intelligence, and the ability to control other undead of the same type."

"So... Danny was brought back as a Zombie General," Sam reiterated, "and that's why he looks like that but is still himself?"

"Not quite."

Sam and Tucker groaned. It wasn't that they weren't grateful for Poindexter's help, but they were tired, and kind of hoping for a shorter explanation.

"A monster lord resurrection spell consists of two parts," Poindexter continued, unperturbed. "First, a modified true resurrection spell, and second, a mind control spell. For best results, these two parts should be performed simultaneously, but double-casting is a skill only a handful of mages in all of history have possessed, and it looks like the lich in the nearby dungeon isn't one of them, because it seems it planned to cast the resurrection first and then the mind control, but couldn't get all the way through the resurrection before it was interrupted somehow."

"By my teleportation spell," Sam supplied.

"Yeah, that'd do it," the researcher agreed. "When the spell was interrupted, it ended up reviving him with his whole soul because there wasn't enough time for the spell to break off the pieces of his soul that would resist the mind-control spell. As for his body, well, you can see how that was effected. Now, he's trapped somewhere in the middle, not quite dead, but not entirely alive, either."

That, at least, was true. Though his outward appearance had changed, and he appeared to have some of the abilities an undead would have, he wasn't rotting like a zombie, or incorporeal, like a ghost. His motor control was unaffected, allowing him to move without the telltale jerky motions of most corporeal undead.

Tucker shook his head in confusion.

"Why?" he asked. "I mean, why would the lich try to make Danny a Zombie General instead of just making him a regular zombie—or just letting him die?"

"I don't know," Poindexter admitted. "Did any of you happen to kill a zombie that seemed more powerful, or acted more intelligently than the others?"

"Yeah, actually..." Danny said, suddenly remembering. "It was dressed in rusted armor, and carried a sword. I thought that was weird for a zombie, but even weirder, was the fact that it actually had the motor control to use its sword. As soon as I stuck it down, the lich screamed and shot lightning at me, like it was suddenly pissed for some reason."

"Well there you have it," Poindexter said. "When you killed it's general, it suddenly had to control all those zombies by itself, which is extremely taxing on the mind, so it decided to kill you and resurrect you as its new general."

It... sort of made sense. It followed the sort of logic an angry undead mage from hundreds of years ago that was slowly losing its mind would follow.

"One thing doesn't make sense, though," Danny said. "Zombie's can't fly or pass through walls or turn invisible. Why can I?"

"Botched resurrections can have all kinds of side effects," Poindexter answered with a shrug. "Those three are some of the most common, I can do them too. An old partner of mine tried to resurrect me after I was fatally injured during my studies across the continent, and messed it up so badly I stopped aging. I'll be ninety-six this year, you know, but I don't look a day over twenty."

"Really?" Sam asked. "I would've guessed younger."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Poindexter said.

It really wasn't one. Poindexter looked like a dweeby teenager who hadn't grown into his fact yet.

"In any case, it's not common, but it's entirely likely you'll run into some people with similar powers from resurrections that didn't go quite as they were supposed to."

"Is there any way to fix it?" Tucker asked.

"If there was, do you think I'd still have this face at ninety-five years old? I can't even grow a beard! What kind of respectable, well-established magical researcher doesn't have a beard?"

"I'll be okay, though, right?" Danny asked. "I'm not gonna, like, slowly waste away or anything am I?"

"Well, no, you should be able to live normally..." Poindexter said, with a tone that strongly implied a 'but'.

The three adventurers stared at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"But..." Danny prompted.

"If you die again, there's no spell that can bring you back," Poindexter said. "After you've been the target of a failed resurrection spell in any capacity, you become an undead for all intents and purposes, and undead creatures can't be resurrected again. That's why I almost entirely retired from field research after mine."

"So, you're saying... if Danny keeps adventuring...." Tucker looked at his friend, his face a mask of concern and pity. "He could die for good next time?"

Danny had died before. They all had, at least once. Of the three of them, Sam had died the least. They always tried to protect her as best they could, and she was usually quick with a teleportation spell if they got in over their heads. She couldn't perform resurrections herself, but you could buy one in almost any town, and she came from a wealthy family that would never let her die, even if they didn't approve of her lifestyle.

Of the three of them, Danny had died the most, with a whopping six deaths since they started adventuring four years before. He was physically the strongest of the three, although Sam was also deceptively athletic for a mage, but he was also the first to throw himself in front of danger to protect his friends. Plus, though there was no way to prove this, he suspected that of the three of them, he also had the worst luck. And this was just the latest in a long string of evidence.

"Fine," Danny said. "But I'm not retiring."

His friends looked alarmed by his decision, but it was the only decision he could make.

"No, Danny, there's too much risk now," Tucker insisted. "You're on your last life."

"It's too dangerous to go running around adventuring with no safety net," Sam agreed. "We... we don't want to lose you."

"Adventurers have been around way longer than true resurrection magic," Danny pointed out. "Any time we raid a dungeon, or take on a quest, there's always a chance we'll die for good, either our bodies will be too far gone for resurrection, or they'll be lost in a bottomless pit, or there will be a monster that renders magic ineffective on a corpse. True resurrection was never a perfect safety net anyway.

"I'm not retiring."

His friends did not seem happy with this decision.

"We're not gonna change your mind, are we?" Sam guessed.

"No, you're not," Danny agreed. "Besides, even though I'll have to be more careful not to die, I've also got some cool new powers out of the deal. It would be a waste to quit now."

Tucker sighed, but didn't try to argue. He hadn't won an argument against Danny yet, and he knew he wouldn't win this one. His friend was one stubborn guy... well... one stubborn zombie, now.

"We should at least slow down," Tucker said. "No more charging into dungeons way out of our league. We stick with stuff at our level and only take on more difficult jobs when we're already strong enough to handle instead of taking them in the hopes that we'll luck out and rank up fast."

"Boring!" Danny groaned, but at the looks both Sam and Tucker gave him, he knew it would be unreasonable of him to argue. Really, that was how they should have been adventuring all along. "Fine. I accept your terms."