#so Im talking about a specific process I see

[intertexts]

biting the bullet and saying this is a fine place to talk about ashe winters also. because i have a lot of thoughts on that headcanon & i know other people do too & it's been long enough that i feel that it would be disingenuous not to at least, like, talk myself through it here so u guys can hear my thought process. prefacing this by saying hey! please don't make any assumptions about me based on one headcanon i don't love!

anyway i deliberately watched pd almost entirely in a vacuum because i didn't want spoilers or fanon to affect my perception of it. transfem ashe & her ubiquity was like. not what i was expecting? it's a headcanon that's Everywhere, & when i heard about & noted this i was like, okay, cool, there's going to be so much thoughtful analysis out there of ashe & their relationship with their dead mom & mark & the pd & that freedom and liberation they bring ashe &grief & guilt & trying to figure out what it means to have something for yourself when it's haunted! of course that's the core of this! of course canon analysis will still recognize that this is fanon and not canon!

to be clear, the reason i even still find the headcanon compelling and am not just bitter on it is because seraphex has been doing this (the thoughtful analysis) since the beginning n a couple others r doing this, & actively engaging with ashe's narrative as a trans narrative, & i hold affection for the way i would write & think abt her. but, like. for the most part, that's not what people are doing. it feels to me like at this point a lot of the ashe i see is girl ashe, like... just so there's a Girl Prime Defender? which is, y'know, necessarily not bad in and of itself, do whatever u want. and certainly no one's obligated to engage in fandom critically. but i do think we should, and that it's a good thing to do! but, like, effectively "girl ashe winters but im never going to touch on transness or anything and she's just a normal girl with a demon book" is different!! than "transfem ashe winters" which assumes and begs a different and more thoughtful type of relationship With gender. please for the love of god don't take this as me saying "well trans girls aren't real girls" please. this is not what i'm saying. "cassie sandsmark but she's just a boy who does all that instead" and "transmasc cassie sandsmark" are, narratively speaking, two entirely different things. same goes for ashe. this is what i was saying. with genderswapping.

anyway, the thing that does irk me is when people make canon pd analysis while using feminine pronouns for ashe and assume like yeah yeah obviously canon is stupid we all know ashe is a girl!!!! of course i can just treat that as canon. like, i dont know how to clearly articulate this in a polite way, but like-- she/her ashe is a headcanon. if you want to write meta specifically about or in relationship to your headcanon-- sure! but if you're trying to make genuine points about canon while intentionally blurring the lines between fanon and canon like that. i'm not going to really respect what you say about canon? again, this isn't just a pd thing. jane crocker he/him butch lesbian to me but i've never liked, like... canon-alpha-kids non-gender-related analysis where they're he/him ing her. like, like it or not-- if ashe winters Was canonically a girl, transfem or cis-- the story would be different!! similar, sure, but not the same!! things would hold different meaning!! things DO hold different meaning!! if you genuinely think that gender makes no meaningful difference when talking abt media im like going ahaha ok and scrolling on.

this also vaguely loops back around into the uncritical girl ashe so there's a Girl In The Crew thing earlier because like, you know, there's a lot of folks who only use this headcanon who aren't transfem & aren't engaging with her in a personal projection (if you're doing this extremely valid i love u) or transfem narrative way, and Only Ever Hitting Ashe with the Girl Beam, and i cannot lie to you folks-- hey. why's the shy, quieter, level-headed, awkward pc who Keeps All The Boys In Line And Thinks They're Silly and also has Long Hair the Only One you're Ever calling a girl? why is that? what are the biases you might be reinforcing or unconsciously leaning into? earlier i was saying how things. mean things!!! this is like. i don't love it. on the face of it it feels bad and shitty. crazy how only the soft spoken healer guy is ever a girl. it sucks and i hate it. if you're doing this i think you should stop and at least like fucking think about it.

&, y'know, this is certainly a little bit, like. gnc guy staring at vaguely gnc guy character: holy shit hes just like me. trans girl staring at same vaguely gnc guy character: holy shit she's just like me. there's no One Correct Answer here because headcanon & the way we think about characters is!!! personal!! they're both good if they bring both people joy!!! [obviously there is frequently erasure of transfem subtext in fandom i am aware of this it is not what i am talking about in this specific instance] & frequently they both bump up against each others sore spots through no fault of their own. what is crucial is being like. respectful of that & civil & allowing space for both readings to exist simultaneously.

anyway. i don't particularly have any great conclusion to wrap this up. i think if you're she/hering ashe because u think that it's Fucked Up that there are No Girls In PD and you want Girl Characters, you should maybe try getting into actual play shows by and with girls in them. i have recommendations. i have so many recommendations. trying to headcanon your way out of what the show fundamentally is-- four white guys on a discord call-- is not going to make you happy. please. please. god. if you're genuinely engaging with transfem ashe as a trans narrative i think that's cool and its not what im into but i see where ur comin from. keep doing ur thing have fun etc. if you just think Ashe should be Girl u should simply consider cisswapping/genderswapping its awesome it's fun also u should tag it so that people who do not particularly want!! to see girl ashe winters & like the canon character as he is!! or people who are uncomfortable with "hey what if soft spoken long haired boy was Girl, Actually" (for what should be obvious reasons) can curate their experience and won't get frustrated and miserable!!!!

i think that genderbend/cisswap aus have sifted out of popular fandom consciousness for lots of reasons with varying levels of validity & have instead been replaced with "well literally just trans ur character then". which is fine obviously, im transgener, etc. but the thing is, right, that being trans is a thing in real life, which actually means something, and carries weight, and like, very much says something about you. everyone can do fandom however they want forever, its a free country, but for me personally & the way i engage with media & the way i do think it is Good to engage with media, it feels.... disingenuous at best to just. say "well this character's trans now because i want them to be!!!" with zero thinking about characterization and narrative context and the weight which being trans would carry. and, you know, obviously there's narrative worlds where being gaytrans Doesn't actually mean shit or carry weight and shifting genders is as easy and common as making pancakes, this isn't me making any massive generalizing statement, but for the most part, transitioning is, like. that says something!! both diegetically (in-world), in how characters think of and interact w/ their transness and non-diegetically (outside-the-world), in what you are saying, either intentionally or accidentally, by making them trans. if you're interested in just.... having alt gender versions of those characters, genderswapping is free, easy, and fun!!!

[theorahsart]

When any of my friends get diagnosed officially with autism, I watch them go gradually from one phase to the next regards Empathy.

The first phase is the: 'Oh, no, I don't have empathy, I can't interpret feelings very well you see. I always found it difficult, and now I know that I dont understand feelings very well' phase.

Which theyve been taught via the process of trying to get diagnosed. Its a topic used a lot to identify autism and used in many diagnosis tools.

Then eventually, once they've been diagnosed, and so have the freedom to fully explore themselves without holding up their differences through the lense of specific criterias needed to get a diagnosis, they start to go through the next phase:

'But it is kinda strange....because I do feel things a lot. And I understand other peoples feelings. In fact I feel like I feel emotions more intensely than other people. But I just get misinterpreted a lot, because its like we communicate differently...'

And then they get to that final conclusion:

'OH, I do have empathy. I have a lot of empathy. I recognise feelings very well. Its just that Im not speaking the NT language, and they aren't speaking mine. So Im in a world where the feelings get lost in translation'

I observe this a lot because from an outsider pov, its very easy to see that your friends have empathy and feelings, even if they've convinced themselves during the 'Im autistic' realisation that they dont. And Ive been through this myself, many years ago. You know you're different/autistic, and try to squeeze into the specifics set up for a diagnosis criteria originally made by NTs

[lorephobic]

literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence

an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.

thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag

A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn

a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in

alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship

The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]

how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired

may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn

alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay

Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry

a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion

a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such

least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn

if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me

edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!

[oceanwithouthermoon]

sometimes i think about how the people who hate on my takes on here would talk to each other and its always phrased like the twitter fandom drama i see but completely irrational and it makes me giggle

"calling kusuke abusive just because he shot his brother with a lethal weapon, plotted his murder, planned to use their grandparents to assist in hurting/killing him, and tried for years to expose his secret to the entire world against his will and through knowingly hurtful means in order to destroy everything he cared about is so stupid! what a stretch!"

"the saiki k fandom is so damn sensitive. i shoot my brother with massive guns all the time and its not abusive because he just blocks it!" HELPEKSJJSJSKSKKS

[milfbrainrot]

.

I feel like in the past the mix of this site being used for both activism and fandom helped contribute to a lot of unhinged politicized fandom discourse where yeah ofc there's a political tie to media but ppl used it as... a form of activism where it was given disproportionate importance compared to other activism discussions? Whereas now we're swinging to the opposite site of How Dare You Care About Meaningless TV Shows When Politics.

Like... we can have a mix of realizing there's more important stuff to focus on than shipping discourse in the world at large without also minimizing the insane doxxing and death threats behavior going on in fandom that people in fandom have to take into consideration to be able to do their hobby, esp given how those attitudes stem from irl political climates at times in ways that are telling to study. Hobbies are kinda how we prevent activism burnout also. Crazey how that works.

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[infizero]

the loonaverse pages on the loona wiki are so fucking funny bcuz they're just a total mess and full of ppl just stating theories as if they're fact

[jacklesraised]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

[waywardsalt]

ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[exopelagic]

talking to him more very much achieved. we just talked for like 4 hours in the kitchen holy shit I need to sleep

[fabdante]

slyly reblogs this nearly a year later to explain part of my motivation behind this was also this sentiment i see growing a lot lately which is what defines art is apparently ones 'enjoyment' of the 'process'

which was you know odd to me as an artist who hates the process kind of a lot. especially sketching. i don't really have a great love of the process. my process is slow and grueling. but i want it done, so i do it.

i've seen this sentiment booming again lately, which i find um...frustrating? perhaps? because the argument is always 'ai art is not art because artists enjoy the process and thats what makes art art' which puts me at a loss. do i no longer count as art because i don't? what is the work i make, then, if it's not art? is the difference a computer cannot feel positively or negatively or is it that some people, genuinely, think all artists must enjoy the process and that is what defines their work? Is it having a process at all part of what defines art as art, regardless of how one feels about it, and these people are just projecting their enjoyment like i am projecting my frustration?

this is interesting to me particularly because of this very small poll, where even in this small handful of people the results are very mixed. some of us create because we enjoy the process of doing and some of us create because we want to see it done and some of us are somewhere in-between, art form to art form and project to project.

which goes to my next point.

what about yall is art to you defined by the enjoyment of the process or something else? is it crucial to your definition of what art is that the artist enjoys the process of making the work? or is it just the fact that they have one, love it or hate it.

i know i mention ai in this but i want you to think like more broadly when answering this question. like rather then trying to figure out the issue of defining out ai, think about your own definition personally about art in general yours or otherwise.

so i've been thinking about a conversation i had with my girlfriend a while ago, especially after a few conversations i had since, and i was wondering what other creatives thought.

often my creative process is not driven by love of the process but by a desire to see it done. i find this the most satisfying part for the most part. even with my favorite part of the process, line art, the biggest drive for me is seeing the line art done, if that makes sense. i love doing all the little details because i like to see all the little details finished so on and so forth. another example being like, i don't like any step of making comics but i love finishing comics more then anything. what drives me to finish comics is the simple act of having the comic done and out of my head. it's incredibly satisfying to me.

surely there's nuance here, as much as i like seeing stuff done i also love mindless, repetitive tasks. but what sparked this conversation was discussing the difference between loving the process and loving the result and some theorizing on why a certain animation director who keeps wanting to retire keeps not wanting to retire. which has got me thinking like what is more common, the love of the process or the love of having something done? also is it different for different art forms, different projects, so on and so forth. do other people not think about this much at all have i just been thinking about it too much this past like week and a half?

no 'i don't create' option because we all have created in our lives at least once, i ask of you to think of that time and what was the best part for you and if you truly hated all of it just pick the last option fghjklasdfghjk

also leave anything you want in the tags i love hearing about other peoples process and thoughts behind creating stuff so i'd love to see it!!

[lago-morpha]

I'm ngl I'm pro self diagnosis but a lot of you just do not have DID!

[thinkinonsense]

PAST LIFE⋆

dofp!logan howlett x mutant fem!reader

cw:fingering, cursing, dirty talk, mentions of motherhood, fluff

masterlist

logan should've known when he accepted the mission to come go back in time to stop the sentinels that you would still be here.

"is there an issue here, hank?"

the sound of your voice made logan's heart flutter. you were barely peaking out from behind the door but logan could see you just fine. he couldn't stop staring.

"no, everything's fine." hank assured you. just as you turned to return to charles's office, you heard the door burst open. this handsome stranger hits hank right in the nose before continuing up the stairs to you.

logan had to take you in for a second. his beautiful future wife stood in front of him and had absolutely no clue that they were married because she was only twenty-five years old.

had you always been this gorgeous? was that even fair? all of these were questions that floated around in his mind.

"who are you and what do you want?" you asked as he reached out to touch you.

"so you've always been this beautiful, huh, princess?" he purred, tucking away a piece of your hair behind your ear.

sure, he was attractive in his brown leather jacket and sunglasses but this man looked in his mid-forties. logan was too busy staring down at your frilly yellow babydoll dress to notice where you were looking at him. his left hand; more specifically the gold band on his ring finger.

"i don't mess with married men." you glare at him. he can't help but chuckle darkly down at your innocence.

"oh, my wife wouldn't mind."

god, logan felt like such a pervert for coming on to you but he couldn't help it. your ethereal beauty was unreal. not that you have aged much since the present day, as you two have the slow aging processes in common. older hank would always tell logan that he should be lucky that you agreed to date him because there were plenty of people who would love to take his place. sure, logan believed him but now, he really understood what hank meant.

"where's charles at, sweetheart?" logan asks, inhaling your floral sent.

before you can respond, charles comes barreling down the stairs drunkenly calling after you.

"where've you been?" he asked you then turned to logan. "who the hell are you?"

this should be good.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

"how do we know that you're actually from the future?" you asked, sitting atop charles desks, swinging your legs. hank and charles stood outside in the hallway discussing whether or not to trust logan.

"you've always been this stubborn?" logan says under his breath, rolling his eyes.

"how do we even know each other in the future?" you finally asked.

for the past hour, this man has tried to sell this absurd story about how future charles and magneto sent him here together to save mutants from sentinels. so far he's managed to convince charles but hank and you were still on the fence.

"we're married, sweetheart." logan smirks wickedly.

there was absolutely no way that you two were married. this man is grumpy, mean-looking, and wears dark brown leather. you are an academic scholar who adores pastels and helping other mutants. he had to have you mistaken.

you squint up at him and laugh, "we are married?"

logan nods, walking over to you until he's standing between your legs.

"tell me something only i would know then."

"your favorite ice cream flavor is strawberry, you hate the cold and winter, anytime you drink coffee you get nightmares, your favorite color is green, but your favorite shade is the color my eyes get when i look at you." logan could see the way your eyes widen, slowly starting to believe him more and more. he couldn't help but feel cocky. "would you like me to continue?"

"im not sure... think you're gonna have to prove it. another way." you challenge him. logan's hand trails up your thigh, playing with the soft yellow material.

"c'mon sweetheart, this is too easy." he mutters against your neck, placing soft kisses and nibbling on the skin.

logan knew you like the back of his hand. he knew exactly what you liked and disliked. sometimes you would even tell him that he knew you better than you knew yourself.

"you like when i pull your bottom lip when we kiss. you blush every time i offer for you to sit on my face. one of your favorite ways to fuck is pressed up against a wall or bent over a table..." logan could go on and on.

"we do that...?" you whisper embarrassed by this version of yourself, trying to avoid his burning gaze.

"oh, all the time. sometimes you pull me down on the floor when i come home, begging to ride me right then and there." logan says, once he captures your attention again. you chew on your bottom lip adorably.

a small whimper passes your lips before you remember that hank and charles aren't that far away from the room. one of your hands comes up to logan's chest, slightly pushing him back despite not wanting to.

"w-we should stop." you warn him. "they can hear us."

this was when logan knew that you hadn't discovered part of your mutation yet. he had already assumed that you hadn't but this confirmed it.

"need you to relax, princess," he says, moving higher up to your jaw. your body betrays everything your mouth says, eating out of the palm of his hand. "i promise once you relax, it'll feel like time has stopped."

logan's lips taunt yours; not quite giving you what you want. fed up, you overpower him and push his lips into yours. the only word floating around in your head was 'relax'.

carefully, logan lays you back on the desk. something about being held in the stranger's arms set you at ease; maybe he was your husband?

"you don't know this yet..." logan huffs. "but you can stop time."

you scoff, thinking that you caught him in a lie. "no, i can't."

"if you relax like i said, then you can." logan mutters against your collarbone.

one of his hands slides up your thigh while the other rubs circles on your hip bone. was this wrong of you? if he is telling the truth –and it seems like he is– then technically he is your husband and it's not wrong to mess around with your husband.

"open up for me, babydoll." logan mumbled against your collarbones, placing wet kisses and nibbling on the delicate skin.

your legs spread with ease as his callused fingers rub over your cotton panties. the soft material of your dress is bunched at your tummy as he tugs your panties off, pocketing them for himself. his thumb returns to rub your button.

"p-please..." you whimper, looking up at logan with bambi eyes. "need more."

"anything for you, princess." he groans, slipping two fingers inside of you as gently as he can. this earned a loud moan from you when he nudged that spot deep in your gummy walls with ease.

"see how well i know my wife?" logan gloats, pressing soft kisses to your lips but never letting you catch him. "you usually prefer it rougher than this but i'm not cruel."

"y-you can go... can go faster." you pant, never having anything quite his size yet.

"i don't want to hurt you, baby." he says in a condescending tone. "wanna know something 'bout the future?"

it was difficult but you managed to nod your head despite how clearly fucked out you were at this point.

"a couple weeks ago, you came home telling me how much you want to be a mom; how you've always wanted to be a mom." he pulls back to look at your pretty face, lust darkening your eyes and slick pouring out of you, practically dripping down his palm onto the desk. "so, every chance we get alone you've been begging for me to go raw inside of you."

logan loved how even as you're all spread out for him, you're still blushing at his filthy words.

"look at you, blushing while you soak my hand." he mocks with a smirk.

"i'm s-so close, please!" you beg so politely.

his thick fingers pick up the pace as you clench down on them; jaw dropped and head thrown back. logan's other hand supports your back while your cute painted blue nails dig into his wrist as your climax starts to wash over you.

"hey sweetheart, look out the window." he chuckles, moving your chin to stare hazily out the glass window.

you couldn't believe it. every car, bird, street light, everything was stopped. everything but you and logan.

"how did you know that i could...?"

"you can't always control it but when you calm your mind, it's easier for you to do it."

"does it always happen when we...?"

"when we have sex...?" logan chuckles as you hide yourself in his chest. you nod. "no. over time you've found ways to control it. sometimes if we need more time, you might manipulate it."

"future me sounds cool." you giggle, lifting up to look at him. "how do we meet?"

"i can't tell you that." he smiles.

"well, then where are you in this timeline? how can i meet you sooner?"

"i'm not a very good man during this time, baby. you'll meet me when the time is right."

"what if you don't want me then? how do you know we will still get together?"

logan looks down at your pouty lips, swiping his thumb across it.

"i'll always come back for you. no matter the timeline or where we are in life; i'll find you again."

"promise?"

"i promise you, sweetheart. don't worry that beautiful mind of yours." he assures, kissing the tear strolling down your cheek.

logan reaches down and kisses you tenderly, pulling you out of the time freeze. suddenly the door swings open on the two of you. thank god, logan had quick reflexes, pulling your dress back down to cover you.

charles calls your name and then asks, "what are you doing?"

"it's okay, he's my husband."

a loud laugh escapes logan at your lovey-dovey tone, almost making hank and charles eyes fall out of their heads. you couldn't wait to meet logan again in the future.

[bugflies00]

i have so many thoughts about the tommy song/video and theyre a jumbled mess. i wouldnt call this an analysis this is just. most of my thoughts surrounding the video and what it shows about tommy

one of the things that stuck out to me (outside of how depressing and just like. is this guy okay) is something that ive always respected tommy for because he's always stuck with it and its his like. fervent conviction in people doing things theyre passionate about. thats always been one of the things he talks about all the time!!!

when AI started appearing he was talking about death of creativity, with the internet he's always talking about how the real tragedy is the algorithm killing people's passion by driving them with views and money, and even when he talks about youtube itself, and nowadays standup, its so full of passion.

and i think thats really important because it would be extremely easy for someone like tommy, who's in the process of maturing his online image from a very loud, immature and PASSIONATE persona, to make fun of it. it would be so easy to do like so many other creators and laugh at how "cringe" it was and make a quick cash/attention grab with a funny clip of him laughing at himself. but he never has. well don't get me wrong he's laughed at himself or old videos but it's always just. good natured taking the piss out of himself, it's never this like. mocking your younger self who was so excited to do what they did only because now its "cringe".

not only is he constantly giving that advice to other people (its been years of him replying, to any kid in his chat or donations asking advice on how to be a creator etc, "just go and do it if you love it!!"), he's coherent with how he applies it to himself. he realised he was making cash grab tiktok react vids and hated it so much he just stopped uploading for a while.

i dont know i just think there's something admirable about being able to still be sincere in a time where everything especially online has to be processed through a layer of irony. and its even funnier because he's more sincere THROUGH the irony i mean he's literally going into standup.

letting yourself create something that "means" something is fucking hard especially when half the internet still sees you as a kid who screams around. except the thing is that kid DID make stuff that mattered and that meant something because he was, in his own words, having fun.

i think thats what the format of the video was about too. i mean i think it was pretty clearly not a song thats meant to be streamed, its not purely music, its also a video because tommy is also first and foremost an editor who went to film college. its also not a "comedy" song like he's made some before, because those were all intentionally created to land as many jokes and make a big buzz— which doesnt mean they were bad! im philza is a contemporary lyrical masterpiece. but they had a specific purpose and it was to make people laugh and i think this video was completely like. opposite of what peoples expectations are of tommy. the "wow hes not a child anymore hes being mature🤓" reactions are the most obvious aspect of this (which, like, its been a while, get with the program).

i think the point of this was to make something that genuinely meant something but that was also like. as unpalatable to the algorithm and to the TommyInnit Viewer as possible. even now that he's gone into making quieter, more reflective videos, we've never had the flashing texts and the projector images and just all of that. hes always talking about how he hates the way the "youtube formula" has dictated the course of content and stolen all creativity for youtubers. its not meant to be a YouTube Video tm. its just meant to mean something to someone, and obviously process some sort of personal emotions, and i just think thats. yeah. yeah

i mean he even says so outright. "this needless, self indulgent spiral of self gratification" is pretty damn explicit. its not meant to be funny content its really a cry for help or for just. anything at all really

it was also a lot about perception, yknow the "entertainer" dilemma, "its all attention porn"... theres a layer of this point thats universal, everyone struggles with how they're perceived and i think any "artist" or "entertainer" figure can see themselves in it, but there's also a layer thats completely impermeable to most of us because it touches upon the sheer absurdity of a "youtuber". especially one of tommy's popularity. especially one who blew up so so fast so young. i honestly think its IMPOSSIBLE to process that. its about the ethics of having millions of people's time so readily available to you if you just press the right buttons to make the algorithm happy and then you've got them. im like 75% sure i remember him saying this on stream once, something like "your time is valuable" and if a fan didnt value him as an entertainer they should drop him.

and even here^ thats the saddest "lmao" ive seen in my life SORRY LOL but its really just. yeah im not gonna repeat myself it speaks for itself. perception and internet expectations and all that

one of the other images that stuck out to me was also this:

"yeah i know its too much like bo burnham but it wont be in a year though. in a year it will be like tom simons. just let me figure out what that means, ok?"

a lot of the video is about. influences and inspirations. the bo burnham references are so obvious he's poking at them, but i think he's raising a good point about the creativity that he's constantly praising. its never something that springs up on its own, its all about looking at others work and making it your own and feeding yourself with all those experiences and slowly, surely building your own way of doing things (tommyinnit "minecraft talent show" and "a tribute to dream smp" serial quackity + schlatt impersonator would know all about that) ->

and its daunting! its fucking scary to move away from that! which is also the main vibe i got from the video which, outside of his own issues with how he's perceived online, was the sort of existential dread that comes with actually creating. its one thing to preach you need to be passionate and create, its another to sit down and create something thats BY you. its a part of growing up! and we're literally seeing him do it live (well the bits that he chooses to show obviously)! thats also part of why i think tommy's so relatable to so many people is that he's so like. honest and real about what it's like to grow up, simple as that, and growing into yourself.

"this was everything to me" and using the picture of his younger self... man. theres obviously so much sadness underlying the whole thing but i think the nostalgia and melancholy in mourning being someone who was only inspired/excited by your interests and role models is universal. and obviously for tommy a lot of those influences turned out. well i think it was pretty damn clear who/what he was referring to here. ->

i don't think i need to go too in detail about that, especially cause a lot of the video was clearly a way to process his own personal emotions. especially with those next few images. i just hope he's okay and that god doubles his pain and gives it to mr beast to quote my friend bronzetomatoes. man.

of course he had to end with a funny clip about a hot anime girl and i think that kinda. sums it all up in a way. if that makes sense. at the end of the day its about the fact that he has to use humour to make the thing work when its out in the open, even when he tries not to and to be actually honest, but theres also the fact that hes literally a comedian and creating something "honest" IS through humor. its kindof a double edged sword

right well that was my jumbled mess of psychoanalysing tommyinnit i hope he is alright and all that because well that was. something

[drabblejester]

Ratio, Sampo, Aventurine, Jing Yuan and Mr Reca overhead reader feels about them (basically reader has a crush on them)

how VARIOUS HSR GUYS would react to OVERHEARING YOU CONFESS!

requested by: anon :3

pairings: ratio, sampo, aventurine, jing yuan, and mr. reca x gn!reader

content warnings: none!!

comments: im devouring a pizza rn as of typing this. its so good.. this one is also in bulletted list bc i didnt get any specifications sorry my liege<3

AVENTURINE:

he overhears you talking on the phone in another room, probably to your friend. he isn’t one to eavesdrop but just this once…

he acts very calm about it, totally poker-faced to the point where you think he didn’t hear for WEEKS

until one night he asks you about it, and tells you to talk to him about it more later.

you fall asleep with him, and when you wake up, you tell him as promised!!

he still has to get used to people. y’know. liking him. so he’s a bit awkward for a while, but he warms up! sadly doesn’t soften up for a LONG while though

SAMPO:

he overhears you talking to an interviewer in belobog talking about a ‘handsome blue haired man’

first of all he is FLATTERED that someone in this cold world actually likes him. second of all he registers that someone likes him about 5 seconds later and panics a bit

truly, his whimsical and silly demeanor has captivated you! but it was meant to be for lying and getting away with things, not actual flirting. so he thinks he’s screwed

but he’s NOT screwed! he makes a plan to corner you later in the night to have a bit of banter, but you end up cornering him!!

you two talk for a bit, you talk about how cool and yummy he is. he says it back and you both end up having a great night! maybe a kiss or two persnaps…

DR. RATIO:

he accidentally peeks over your shoulder at your texts (god damn curiosity) and sees you panic texting someone about the Super Duper Hot Professor Man that just so happened to pass by you. and that’s now standing behind you.

now obviously you probably freak out because oh my gods thats the guy RIGHT BEHIND YOU. you turn around and stammer for a bit

sadly ratio just gives you a dirty look (not on purpose) and tells you to seek knowledge, not him. he winds up lecturing you about feelings and professionalism for a good 20 minutes

you go home and wind down for a bit to process the lecturing, and just hang out. you start to have some second thoughts about everything

until a nice little package arrives at your door, with a nice cooked meal and a note that’s a very passive aggressive way of saying ‘take care of yourself’

JING YUAN:

he overheard you gossiping with the guards, and nothing escapes his ears. he didn’t confront you about it right away of course, since he didn’t want to freak you out or anything

so instead, he just played the waiting game. he waited for weeks upon weeks, hearing all the thoughts you thought about him, and every little thing you tried to do to court him

and he’s flattered!! very flattered actually. he decides to eventually send a guard out with a hand written letter to you, simply saying to meet him at a restaurant he found out you frequented

you two meet there, talk for a bit, but not as a general and you. you talk like strangers but in the best way possible, getting to know even more about eachother!! you eat some yummy food and chitchat the night away

and eventually he brings you back to his place, settling you down with some tea and light snacks. maybe a few long-drawn stories to help you sleep. sadly (or thankfully) he ends up asleep before you, so you have extra time to admire him :3

MR. RECA:

he finds out through social media! you broke his ‘no recording in the studio’ rule, posted a blurry video somewhere, and went absolutely crazy over him in the caption

he’s upset that you broke his rule, but at the same time. thinks its interesting. he doesn’t do much else except revisit the post once more before meeting with you

you two meet up in his office, and he immediately brings up the post. of course you apologize so so hard about breaking the rules, but he waves it off!!

eventually the conversation ends up circling around to emotions (with a bit of help from memokeepering), and you spill all your thoughts and feelings right then and there. he’s slightly shocked, but it soon turns to a smile before politely telling you to leave his office

you’re definitely nervous, but it all fades away once you find out you’ve been casted in the main role alongside him! for better or for worse though, it’s a romance production. that asshole.

im fucking up this pizza rn my lieges its so yummy