#actually im kind of just this way fundamentally i think but especially with Thing I Spend Time Thinking About Daily sdkjfjsdklfh

[cerealmonster15]

kiss marry kill crewel trein vargas

WHFJWKJFKLDSJF wait omg i gotta think about this one for a minute. i love overthinking these things LOL!!! hang on lemme try and make a case for them all, weigh the pros and cons before deciding...

so like im pretty close in age to vargas and crewel so that gives them a bias to the first two but fksdjfhsdj i do like trein 😔 i like how much he cares about his cat and his students and his daughters 🥺 hes been married before and it SOUNDS like hes had a pretty loving family relationship from what we've heard. i feel like that makes a decent case for marriage, also he's a cat lover and im a cat lover so tbh not a bad consideration. HOWEVER he is still old enough to be my father and has a more old fashioned way of life that i think maybe would clash a lil jkdjfskf

vargas is so funny but hes so stressful LOL JFKLDSJFSDLJ i'm obsessed with his vargas camp thing. like he's so nuts for that... taking the children camping and then kidnapping and hunting them for sport to train them or whatever the hell his plan was there. and roping crewel into the second one lol 😭😭😭 it's so bonkers but it's soooo funny. like i think he'd stress me out w/how fitness oriented he is (I enjoy physical activities and i practice martial arts but lowkey his fixation reminds me a little of my father and i dont like that association LOL 😬) BUT i do love comedy. so i could be swayed i suppose. maybe. jsdklfhsg

and then crewel is def very pretty but also stressful LOL DSJKFLSD THERYE ALL STRESSFUL this is the game about stressful characters after all. his temper scares me but i do like that he also cares about his students in those moments where it matters,,, i also think it's very funny that he was convinced to join vargas in hunting down the children in camp fjsdklhgds AND that he's partially responsible for beanfest Being The Way That It Is. i like whenever we learn teacher lore like this kjfdsjfkl this man was too aggro of a rebel and changed the course of the game or whatever. but also hes a dog person and i have learned in my life that i generally cannot live with dogs due to how I operate as a person 😶 but considering his whole THING is that he is a MEGA DOG LOVER AND. well i think he has dogs. i assume he does. i actually cant remember if he literally does have pet dogs or just makes that his aesthetic FJKSDJFKLSJFJ i think he does. i remember he and trein at least but heads over many things and one of them being cats vs dogs l o l. i like some dogs but they do not pair well with my sound sensitivity i think it would just Not Work jfksljfldshfg

this just tells me i dont wanna marry any of them LOL ☠️ i'd pick sam if i could, hes fun i like him 😔 FDSJKFJSDKLGH but i will play by the rules ummm um um ummmm.... i dont want to kill them either lol i like them!!! i do this any time my partner throws a question like this at me too lol im like okay hang on lemme lay out the facts and think critically about the situation 🤔 KJFDLKSHFLKSDJG

okay fuck it i think marriage goes to vargas. i was close to picking trein but even looking past the age thing i still think he'd be too ~old fashioned~ w/his mindset and i very much don't care for living life traditionally,, also i dont think we know how old his daughters are exactly except that theyre 'grown up' so theyre probably around my age tbh and that would Feel Weird dsfjlkdsgh everything else was nice tho i'm sorry trein. in another life i think i wouldve liked to co-parent lucius w/u 😔 i think vargas could be fun tho. he's sillystrange and i would perhaps partake in martial arts with him. i cant decide if he'd be too scary about it and brute force his techniques [which SUCKS and is NOT FUN when people do that!!!] or if he'd be like on top of having good form and doing it well skldfhsdklfj who knows....... BUT THIS AINT ABOUT THAT I NEED TO MOVE ON!!!!!!

and then kiss. if we are going fully superficial quota here then yeah my initial thought would be kiss crewel lol he's pretty what can i say 😔

I'M SO SORRY TREIN THAT JUST LEAVES YOU LAST IN THE KILL SLOT NOOOO AUGH i tried so hard to fight for him [??? fighting myself??? whatever LOL] bc i felt like it's too cliche to be like "idk hes old" so i wanted to give him fair consideration 😭😭😭 I LIKE HIM!!!!! I LIKE THE FACULTY!!!!!!!

anyway thank u this fully distracted me for like 30 minutes LOL um. who would u pick tho 👀

EDIT I CHANGED MY MIND

[genderkoolaid]

expand on ur "mental asylum Marxism shit" thing about children & grief?? from what you've said im pretty sure i will relate from my own experiences as a grieving child. also it sounds interesting!!

so i was thinking about how weird it is that, when a child has to deal with the death of a loved one, they say something like "no child should have to go through this! no child should have to even think about death!" which strikes me as weird because i was a child who dealt with the deaths of multiple close family members, very close together. the first was my great-grandmother, who i lived with and who was my best friend. death was never foreign to me (my mom has always been very death-positive on top of all that). grief was just part of my life like everything else was.

but i realized that its because people think childhood should not have any flaws. you should be 100% happy and fulfilled all the time. any time a child experiences anything painful, its bad. not "children should have access to love and support," but "children should not have basic life experiences because the idea of childhood being anything other than fluffy purity scares me."

because children in society are fundamentally not people. especially in a society structured around christian beliefs in natural law theory, that what is natural = what is good, healthy, and Divinely commanded. so on top of children being the property of adults, they are also forced to be the symbols of Nature. whatever is the most useful to whoever needs them. which means we built up this idea of children as tabula rasas, pureness incarnate. like a magic mirror where if we look into it, we'll be able to catch a glimpse of the true face of humanity. every single thing children do can be scrutinized for some grand truth about humans as a whole. and then, the ways children are treated also reflect how we think humanity should interact with its own nature.

example: the idea of humanity as inherently sinful and wicked, with that urge needing to be suppressed through state violence (hello hobbes) = the idea that children are annoying and shitty on purpose and need to be forced via punishment into being Good Citizens.

this is also why children cannot be trans, even though all trans people must prove that we were trans children. being queer must be unnatural; and even if not, its inherently sexual, and sexuality is dirty and bad. so children can't be trans, and they also can't read books on puberty until their parents decide when and what exactly they are allowed to learn. child victims of sexual assault only matter to the extent that they can be used as a symbol of a cultural threat; calling Jewish or trans people pedophiles means saying that they are foreigners attacking basic human nature, and indirectly, Divine command. if you aren't the right kind of victim, or when you inevitably reveal yourself to be A Person with complicated experiences and opinions, you are no longer of use to the agenda.

it sucks that bad things happen to anyone. aspects of youth can exacerbate the pain sometimes, but sometimes it does the reverse: I wish I could have spent more time with the family members I lost, but I know other people who are glad they loss family members young, because they weren't really hurt by it. I think the main thing is that, even sometimes when we talk about our past selves, we project this cultural idea of Child As Purity and ignore the actual person having the experience. when we "empathize" with children by projecting Purity onto them, we aren't actually connecting with them.

[palmolli]

Kinda wish that dlc where you play as sksw Zelda actually got made. Imagine it had the memory recovery system of Breath of the Wild. That would be so freaking sick, but Nintendo doesn't have the balls. The implications of what happened during the war between Hylia and Demise is honestly horrific. In the opening cutscene with the cave paintings, it showed a LOT of people just being straight up BURNED. Hylia definitely saw a lot of that. So... in theory, Zelda was ALSO subjected to that, AGAIN. SKSW ZELDA HAS WAR PTSD. IM TELLING Y'ALL. And to relive all of that at the ripe ol age of seventeenish... is not good for the psyche. Nobody talks about her trauma enough, and it makes me big sad. ALSO. If I'm remembering correctly, Zelda's way of speaking sorta changed? Like... uhhmmmdjdj...

You can't convince me something didn't fundamentally change in her brain. Is this a stretch??? WHY IS SHE TALKING LIKE THATT??? gosh, the agnst potential here is CRAZY. Like. Be Link. Save the world or whatever, and now your girlfriend is suddenly spitting out philosophy and talking like a poet out of nowhere. That'd be kinda disorienting. Even more disorienting is having the memories of a past life along with your own. Like, uh... what if she asked Link about something she thinks happened, and he's just like... "Huh?" And she'd just be like, "Oh, that happened when I was Hylia, nvm."

ALSO IMPA!??!?!? like she DEFINITELY had a close relationship with her as Hylia maybe, I headcanon she saw Impa as a daughter, and then the roles got swapped when she became Zelda. Or... oh God PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A PEARL AND ROSE QUARTS SITUATION PLEAAAHAHEEESEEEE 🙏🙏

Anyways. During that journey, she definitely grew attached to Impa, especially because she already knew her in a past life, which is kind of a special connection my dudes. And then BOOM she disappears. Bye bye warrior woman you will be missed dearly.

Cough. Okay to sum this up:

Live life normally as just a girl in school. Yippie, everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you're part of a team. Oh, sick, your crush won the race thing despite not studying a day in his life, and you've built up the courage to FINALLY ask him out-

Uh oh! TORNADO! and now you're in an entirely different land basically surrounded by monsters, defenseless, apparently despite the fact you've been attending a knight school for twelve or so years, you freaking nepo baby (affectionate). Grandma lady saves you. Then uh cool mysterious lady starts guiding you, and apparently you've known her in a past life-

War flashbacks. Some ash baby lookin ahh dude slaughtered a bunch of people bc he wanted some golden doritos, also, you used to be a goddess, the same one you worshipped and prayed to all the time. What the flip. What's Link gonna think about this? WHAT? YOUVE BEEN BASICALLY USING HIM? WHAT? PARDON? NO?! WHAT THE FLIPPITY JIPPITY. You tell him after he does some stuff belehsiebr then get sealed away and have to see him claw at you at bawl his eyes out. Not traumatizing at all. Then when you finally get reunited, a RuPaul's Drag Race reject pops in and kidnaps you and steals your soul to revive Temper Tatrum Ash Baby. Link beats both of them up. Also that dude who bullied him and had a crush on you is cool now. How sick! But OH SHART. IMPA ISNT COMING WITH YOU BACK TO THE PRESENT? oh haha she was just the old lady this whole time she's right there-

And she exploded.

Just great!

Not traumatizing at all.

idk, I just feel like she's such an interesting character who gets kinda mischaracterized all the time without taking into account that she suffered too. STOP VILLAINIZING MY BABY, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE SHE'S NOT EVIL.

[frownyalfred]

every day i slog through various a/b/o tags looking for a) interesting speculative evolution worldbuilding and/or b) actually hot sex. and every day when i find nothing i go "hmmmmm i could always go back to TheResurrectionist....." so i just want to say thank you for writing such good a/b/o verse and im rlly glad that im not the only person out here thinking about what kind of ways society would change if a/b/o dynamics were real! (and also writing interesting sex scenes)

Thank you so much! I'm really lucky to have such curious anons who are always pushing me to expand and explain my a/b/o worldbuilding. It's a really fascinating lens to look at human behavior through, especially since so many things change but there are some fundamental things that really don't.

Someone commented on one of my coral room fics about how seeing Lex talk about struggle with omegahood really made them think about their own encounters with misogyny and womanhood, and that made me really happy! Because I wanted the omegas in this fic to be more than just sex toys, their secondary gender is integral to the story in a way beyond just sex. It forms the basis for so much of Bruce and Jason's self-hatred, which informs the decisions they make after that. Big decisions, like coming back to Gotham guns blazing or trying to kill Superman.

But also yeah, the possibilities of sex and instinct are also so appealing to me. Especially in such a gender essentialist society. I read a fic once about an omega who didn't mind sex but hated getting knotted, full stop, never could convince them otherwise. And that just stuck out to me, as something that felt so grounded? Idk. I'm rambling.

[mythalism]

I really love your metas! I have a few questions and I’m very interested in your opinion.

Could you elaborate on how you interpret Solas’s romantic connection with Mythal and his love for Lavellan? In the game, there is a line stating that before Lavellan, Solas had never been in love and didn’t even know what it was, which makes me question the idea of romance with Mythal.

I played Inquisition only after Veilguard and was surprised that many perceive Solas as someone capable of casual sexual encounters without emotional depth. In his romance with Lavellan, he seems utterly captivated by her and incredibly respectful, he practically radiates tenderness and deep adoration toward her. Such behavior doesn’t seem believable to me for a man with extensive sexual experience. To me he seemed more like a demisexual. His love for the atmosphere of intrigue and tension didn’t convince me of his sexual 'promiscuity'. After all, one can enjoy that kind of atmosphere without actually engaging in physical pleasures. He seems very restrained when it comes to his physical body. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he had no sexual experience at all or if his experience was extremely limited. I also got the impression that Mythal wouldn’t have lowered herself to her 'doggo' in that regard.

thank you dear <3 im always happy to yap

for me, the moment i saw that mural of mythal stepping away from solas's embrace and calling him "love", i went "oh my god they were lovers" and nothing has successfully convinced me otherwise since LMAO. obviously the game very deliberately leaves it up for interpretation, and i totally understand why people dont interpret it as such. however i do think the game does deliberately suggest it for the people who want to run with it, but subtly enough that you can ignore it if you want. for me, "i will follow you wherever you go", calling him "love", his request that she basically run away with him, the resentment between them afterwards, all reads like romantic love to me. i also just enjoy the crazy fucking drama that the idea of them being lovers adds to literally everything. it especially adds to solavellan in my opinion, though many would argue it takes away. i think it adds juiciness and context. i also think many of the parallels to solavellan further suggest that solythal was romantic. but i also think calling them just lovers is incomplete, the same way i think calling them just friends or just vaguely mother/son, queen/knight, goddess/devotee or whatever else would incomplete. their relationship clearly does not conform to modern thedas's idea of love; both bellara and mythal herself say this and i believe them. mythal herself says no one mortal could understand their connection and its one of my favorite lines of hers. how could we ever understand what its like to love someone for thousands and thousands of years? what shapes might that love take over millennia? all of them, i'd wager.

just because i believe they were lovers does not mean i think their relationship resembled anything like what he has with lavellan. i think the immortal nature of their love is the key to the distinction. i dont think they were every anything remotely resembling monogamous. their relationship was fundamentally unequal (so is solavellan but in a different way lol). mythal probably used the amorphous nature of their relationship as a tool for manipulation. while solas was devoted and loyal, she was hot and cold. veilguard weirdly forgets this, but according to myth she was MARRIED (or the ancient equivalent) to elgar'nan this whole time too. it is elgarnan who is the sun, and mythal who is the moon, and solas the wolf that howls after it LMFAOOO. solas was quite literally secret third thing. he loved her like a goddess. she loved him like her loyal guard dog. he knew it and resented her for it but could not help loving her still. i dont think this makes it any less romantic love, it just makes it really fucked up romantic love, unrecognizable from how we'd recognize it, or how modern thedas would.

@/baphometsss wrote a banger the other day about how solas's love for mythal and felassan differs from his love for those he meets later (lavellan but also his friends in the inquisition) because his relationship with them is characteristic of how spirits love. i really loved this interpretation because even though i dont agree with all of it (which ill get to in a moment), i think people do misunderstand what i mean when i say i am a solythal lovers truther, and this post clarifies it. solas loves mythal in the way immortal spirit god-beings love each other. solas loves lavellan the way a mortal man loves a mortal woman. both can be romantic, both can involve sex, but the core of the love is very different; especially when the crux of solas's story is learning to be a man instead of a spirit/god.

i know a lot of people interpret that line (assuming you're talking about the "the dread wolf could not foresee what it would mean to fall in love") as meaning the dread wolf has never been in love and honestly... i have never understood that interpretation. like if thats your vibe and you choose to take it that way because you wanna headcanon it, amazing. have a great time. but i see so many people taking it as gospel as if it literally says "solas has never experienced love before" which it simply does not say. it says he could not have anticipated what it would mean to fall in love, and to me, there is a big "now, in 9:41 dragon, with a mortal woman" implicit at the end. im making assumptions about the intention too, but i think both are fundamentally interpretations, and the game once again does not say for certain either way. i think they did this intentionally the way they kept the nature of the solythal relationship vague. but yeah i dont interpret it that lavellan is solas's first love. i think mythal is, sorry LOL. but it doesnt really matter because their relationship was a fucking mess and he resents her just as much as he loves her so who cares.

this is just something i was pondering earlier when i first saw this message this morning but i think this is where the distinction between immortal godly vs. mortal human love comes back into play. i am not sure that immortal beings would be capable of love in the same way that mortals are, because there is no threat of loss. imagine how different it would be to love without the inevitability of grief? all the time in the world, all the power you could ever want. what would that look like? how would it feel? would you love as deeply if you knew it was eternal? now imagine that changes; suddenly you are powerless. suddenly, you have so much to lose. how would love feel, then? it makes me think of that quote that is always attributed to the illiad but is actually from the 2004 movie troy and written by david benioff which makes me want to fucking die but anyway the quote is relevant nonetheless; "the gods envy us because we are mortal... everything is more beautiful because we're doomed." i think falling in love with lavellan forces solas into an understanding of love he has never experienced before. and it fucks him up really bad. lavellan's mortality forces solas into the desperate, frantic, tragic mindset of a man in love with a ticking clock. we see time and time again that he cannot act like a god around her. he tries at first. he fails and cracks every time. he sees her in trespasser and literally falls to his knees to kiss her one last time. in veilguard he reveals that it was a relief that she allowed him to just be himself. i think what makes solas's love for lavellan unique and special is not that its his first, but that it is humanizing. mythal required solas to become a god to serve her purpose. he loved her through it all even if it ruined him. lavellan asked for absolutely nothing except the truth. he loved her through it all and it ended up saving him. to me, both are romantic loves that achieve very, very different ends.

now to get to the sex. the interpretation of solas as someone who Fucks mostly comes from 1. his mind-boggling age, 2. his comments about being very different when he was young; "hot-blooded and cocky", and 3. the comfort with which he pretty explicitly flirts with lavellan. in my interpretation, all of these things do indicate at least a level of confidence and experience with sex, though not necessarily a raging libido. i agree that solas is probably demisexual, at least when we meet him. i think it makes sense with his nature as a spirit. but i also dont think that means he never had casual sex ever in his THOUSANDS of years of life. or that he didnt have plenty of emotionally charged sexual experiences, rather than casual ones. i mean we are talking a lifespan of at LEAST 7,600 YEARS. AT LEAST! we even know that spirits fuck from a codex in trespasser LMFAO. i dont think its fair to say that his tenderness and adoration with lavellan excludes him from having fucked crazy style in his youth. i do think that sex is not at the top of his mind, and that he still clearly struggles with the mortal impulse of sexual desire that his body would have created, and that his instinct is to deny himself those desires. i just dont see him always having been that way, and i think his comments support that he was different when he was young. i just dont know how a virgin would slip in that indomitable focus line so smoothly you dont even realize what he just implied until you walk away and realize you're blushing. i do think sex and physical intimacy is an important part of his relationship to lavellan though, whether it is present or absent, because its consistent with this theme of the physical versus the spiritual, god versus man that he is constantly struggling with. i am trying to tie this all together but honestly ive lost the plot. asexual solas is valid and actually a lot of what i love about solavellan is that sex is relevant thematically but it is not the foundation of the relationship. i always like to say that sex haunts their relationship, a heavy presence just out of frame that both of them are trying not to look towards. i think its soooo juicy. but i also just like the idea that young cocky solas who canonically used to gambled also was a playboy. come on he NEEDS to get that hair pulled

[itoukaiji]

ok here it is

i have nothing to do while im still kinda sick so lemme write up the kaiji trans lesbian post ive been sitting for for.. a long time because well i have a lot of thoughts. fair warning this is long as fuck

to preface i use any pronouns for kaiji + perceive them as being a nonbinary transfem dyke n well! this is a post about why i believe this. cuz i do genuinely think there is subtextual evidence within the canon to support this. oh also like expect spoilers for the entire series

Gonna try not to ramble too hardcore but i think a lot of the outcast narrative pervasive in kaiji is also very applicable to transness and gender non-conformity and this is imo supported within the text aswell. A lot of instances when kaiji is looked down upon is for failing at masculinity not just failing at being a "productive" member of society. and yeah those things are very much related with the whole, a man should be a provider etc. but kaijis femininity and inability to conform to and rejection from manhood is both enforced on the character but also i would argue kaiji rejects this themself.

This is evident as early as part one, particularly over kaijis hair

Kaijis hair is pretty symbolic of their outcasted status but also i think is really relatable to the trans experience too (especially transfem experience) the pressure to cut your hair so you look less feminine. Kaiji has canonically been growing their hair out since middle school

and later in part 6 this happens

and then we have very explicitly short hair being associated with the concept of kaiji finally becoming "a real man"

after this encounter too kaiji says this

again kaiji trying to be lowkey but is still attracting unwanted attention for being nonconforming, while yeah narratively its cuz this old lady makes it her problem their all NEETs but what intially prompts her to confront kaiji is the fact they are androgynous lol.

to jump back to part 1 kaiji is MUCH more self conscious about standing out and being different (although doesn't do anything appearance wise to conform better, which could mean nothing).

But in later parts, this attitude has changed a lot, the frustration turns outward. Again to go back to the part in the house they are more bothered now people have a problem with THEM over feeling it would be better if they could change. again this mindset they are fundamentally flawed is only really evident in part 1

I know the transmasc reading of kaiji is a pretty popular one, and yeah, a lot of these feelings are resonant for both transmasc and transfem people. BUT i do think kaiji leans more explicitly as being read as transfem and my reasoning for that is their relationship to womanhood.

This is a bit more meta but if you've ever read any other fukumoto works fukumoto really likes to make his protagonists either like , functionally asexual or pathetic virgins LOL, while protags like Akagi and Zero dont express any kind of attraction to anybody at any point. any character that does like women is usually fiending for that pussy.

When Kaiji expresses interest in girls its always within the context of wanting the girl to think their cool

cant even allow themselves to lez out in their dreams...

also when Kaiji does actually get to talk to a cute girl there more fixated on the idea of being seen as cool to her.

Again there's never a point where Kaiji ever tries to seek any kind of acceptance from the men they encounter. even in part 1 when they are explicitly more self hating, this never manifests in seeking any kind of approval. This follows with them feeling disappointed the cute girl wasn't more impressed

also i think its worth noting they make it very clear they want to be perceived as cool for being an accomplished gambler NOT just for having a lot of money. there's not really a sense kaiji wants to just buy the admiration of women. i could get into the way kaiji holds onto being good at gambling as the one thing that gives them worth but NOT THE POST FOR THAT, MOVING ON

now for the most telling part imo [famous representing all the women in the world panel analysis incoming]

When Kaiji meets those guys at the campsite, its very clear they find the way they talk about women and very off-putting, and what finally sets them off is that they share porn lol (and trying to pressure kaiji into joining in)

I think this is the most like overt expression of their disdain with being treated like a man, this is also probably the most honest they've ever been about these feelings. So yeah interesting this all comes out when their completely shitfaced, and they dont even realise what theyve been saying until after the fact.

jumping forward a little later into this arc...

When they are sober, in order to hide the fact there carrying like a bazillion dollars with them, they do play along with the pervy guy role to avoid suspicion (albeit extremely reluctantly).

Again its not like Kaiji straight up does not find women attractive at all, they just find this conversation nasty as hell (i mean like YEAH FAIR) but again, when they are drunk, they take it extremely personally as opposed to just. finding it gross as a dude who is like, normal lol.

^ kaiji finally coming into some acceptance of their butch realness

All that being said I do like that is becoming a lot more evident kaiji has a lot more self confidence throughout part 6 espec when you revisit...... now if you just go an see a therapist- ANYWAY

Kaiji also gets associated with motherly figures like... more than once lol. its a running gag in the fukumoto all stars comics based on that one line in part 2. i wont use that as evidence since those a gag comics but well, there out There JUST SAYING.

but i do want to add that in kaiji before espoir (the bonus prequel) its canonised that kaiji does indeed enjoy being praised by other for doing kind deeds

which isnt to suggest theres some selfish intent behind kaijis kindness just that. they do genuinely like being perceived as altruistic to some extent, despite having kinda complicated feelings about it intially (ie feeling flawed for not being able to participate in braves mens road). And yeah again this is something that is explicitly being feminized within the narrative.

Then theres like everything that happens in one poker lmfao. Thats a whole nother post but again theres a very pervasive theme of motherhood in that arc. Particularly a mothers love being unconditional. A lot of kazuya's hatred for kaiji comes from the fact they care about everybody unconditionally. And as someone who believes his own mother didnt truly care about him, this fucks him up big time.

this whole couple chapter in the finale of one poker is just kazuya projecting his mommy issues hardcore onto kaiji but well this aint about him! moving on!

again theres plenty of altruistic figures they couldve chosen to call kaiji but they use mother teresa cuz yeah she is in theory, a mother to the world type figure, someone perceived as loving strangers unconditionally. and yeah this is not just a throwaway thing its supported thematically throughout the narrative.

This might be a bit of a tangent but im mainly trying to emphasise kaiji is associated with femininity and this is something they like and accept about themselves (eventually, to some extent). and this is a core trait that makes them an exceptional person.

Its a good thing Kaiji is like this, Kaiji femininity is perceived as like, actual sainthood. And yet its still something consider innately wrong and incorrect by broader society. Despite all this, people still want kaiji to be a """real man""" instead. and idk, i just think this is something that makes me really love this series. The idea the very things kaiji is outcasted for is what makes them such a special person.

tl;dr trans dykes heal the world 5ever !!!!!

anyway i hope this is makes sense, and, well you agree with my beautiful and true autistic delusions <3

thats all i think!

[stellaferous]

random things i dislike about how fans (mis)characterize lillie and gladion

this is a messy post so sorry about that and i made like 2 other posts similar to this on my profile if you scroll down

1. Lillie hating her mother. bruh i have no idea why people think this and they go ahead and draw art of her following this belief (like when people drew her in the cover of the book "Im Glad My Mom Died") LIKE LILLIE LITERALLY WANTS TO HELP LUSAMINE RECOVER AT THE END OF THE STORY???? SHE LITERALLY FORGIVES HER AND FOLLOWS HER THERE???? AND DID PEOPLE JUST FORGET THE EXEGGUTOR ISLAND SCENE??? god this mischaracterization is so bad because Lillie obviously does not hate her, i have my issues with Lillie following Lusamine to Kanto but i do think that she does genuinely love her mother because she sympathizes with the bad things that happened to her and she wants her to be given a chance to work to become a better person, but so many people just. make things up about Lillie which just doesn't fit in with her actual character, having headcanons is one thing but when the headcanon fundamentally mischaracterizes an important and obvious trait, expect people to say something about it

2. Gladion hating his mother. this happens more often and it pisses me off even more because Gladion's my favourite character and people are just diluting him to his "angsty aggressive" traits and generalizing his hatred of the harshness of this world to his mother. certainly he doesn't have a good relationship with her, to the point that he actively calls Lusamine "the president" instead of accepting her title as his mother, yet in every single universe he is shown to be a kind-hearted boy who is just frustrated at his circumstances, like he literally defends her reputation by acknowledging that the UBs made her fall from grace (especially in the manga, where he doesn't want ppl to think she's evil). he consistently puts his family over himself first, even if it comes at the cost of his own well-being, because he understands why Lusamine is the way she is and he's hurt by her and he wished this never happened and just like Lillie he wants to be a family with her again which is why he wrote that letter to her at the end of SM.

Gladion is not cruel and filled with grudges and heartless, he is kind and forgiving and this is consistently shown again and again but people refuse to see past his rather angsty and reserved demeanour and focus on his most surface level traits (which are also mischaracterized so he can fit into the neat box of some "edgelord angsty teenage boy" trope). he does not hate his mother. i repeat he does not hate his mother. he's saddened at the circumstances that caused her to turn into how she is now, and he is hesitant to fully trust her, yet it is with his acknowledgement of how this happened that he can't help but sympathize with Lusamine because he knows she didn't want this to happen either. my opinion on the aether family and their writing has slightly shifted over time, but i still belief that generally this family has nuance and doesn't have a clean neatly-tied ending where the big bad evil person is defeated and everyone who suffered is happy again

^^i think people mischaracterize the siblings this way because they too have abusive parents and find comfort in seeing fictional characters have a similar parent, and while their feelings are valid, the way they respond to the actions of their parents is certainly not the same as how the aether siblings responded to it, the canon source material is there and the fact they responded differently doesn't make the story automatically bad, or should be twisted in a way that disregards the actual context that takes place in the story. (to an extent i feel like the SM writers should've been more careful with the implications they signalled when the abused daughter who was supposed to be free from her abuser ended up following the abuser to help her recover, since this is a kid's story after all, but again i don't want people to think that there's only one correct way to react to abuse [aka their way] and every other way is deemed invalid)

3. Gladion being angsty. well he is angsty but not in a show-off over the top kind of way that many people portray, he's the quieter kind of angst who keeps these feelings to himself because he doesn't like attention and he's just trying to juggle his feelings in a world that he's frustrated and angry with because of how it treated him. he's a hurt boy who had to take matters to his own hands (even though he shouldn't need to, as he's a child) and despite how the world has consistently treated him he still shows the strength to be kind and forgiving and he apologizes when he directs his anger wrongfully and he's just trying to navigate the world while holding out hope in regards to his mother, even when everything else brings him down (cue the "lets bury our sorrow in the crowd" line). again his most obvious act of kindness is saving silvally from the aether foundation (which was what motivated him to leave in the first place), then wanting to protect his sister after the guilt of leaving her behind, and then wanting to sympathise with his mother for the unfortunate things that happened to her which resulted in her becoming the way she was. i just feel like gladion is more complex than people give him credit for

i really need to yap more on the aether family ESPECIALLY gladion, i feel like some of my older yap posts are a little bit outdated since my opinions changed slightly, but i still like to talk about the aether family because exploring their dynamics and their story of abuse and family is just really interesting imo

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/768731859531235328/im-a-cis-woman-who-sometimes-likes-to-roleplay-as?source=share

yeah, anon, along with people pointing out that drag is a thing that exists and most drag queens/kings identify as cis outside of that performance (though plenty don't), there's also all kinds of sexual roleplay that doesn't involve wanting to be that thing 24/7. lots of people love to play "doctor" who have no desire to actually go to medical school and become real doctors, because the sexy version is fundamentally different from the non-sexy one. why would playing with gender be any different from that? of course it's true that some people do try those things on as kinks and then it awakens something in them - in the same way that most of us who are into anime knew a "guy" who really liked crossdressing cosplay and would always jump at the chance to do it, and now that person is, well, no longer a guy. sometimes it can be a way to try on an identity that you are considering but not yet sure about. likewise, there are more than a few drag queens who end up realizing that they are trans women down the line. but many more who don't! anyway, my point was that i went through this journey. i used to have a lot of fantasies about having sex as a man specifically, with both men and women - and i played with the idea that i might be trans or genderfluid. but for me, i realized that a lot of the appeal of it was that it was temporary, something i could turn on and off at will (and not just in the sense of gender-expression, but like a complete physical transformation). i wasn't interested in being a man if it meant i stayed a man. i still wanted to be a woman most of the time. (also, i identified as bisexual at the time and these fantasies largely went away around when i realized i was actually a lesbian. i'm not sure what exactly that says, maybe that it was more rooted in anxiety around women's expected "role" in sex than it was about actually wanting to be a man? maybe that the idea of being with a man was more appealing if it was gay, closer to the thing i really wanted? who knows) from when i've talked to trans people about this, a lot of them say it's easy for someone for whom the answer was "i'm trans" to in retrospect see signs everywhere - and therefore assume that the same signs mean the same to other people. and of course, they often feel like they lost years of their lives to an identity that didn't fit them - of course they want to save others from the same fate! but it's just that we all have a bias toward seeing the world through the lenses of our own experiences. that it meant one thing for them doesn't mean it means the same for you, especially in isolation. most cis people aren't totally wedded to everything about our genders, either, and a lot of us play around and experiment with gender in our own ways. (so basically, i see it as similar to those "comphet lesbian checklists" that were floating around tumblr a few years ago - yeah, a lot of those can be signs you might be a budding lesbian, but half the shit on that list is true for women who turn out to be completely heterosexual, too, a lot of it's just about the bullshit of female puberty) again, useful to think of it like anything else. religion is one that comes to mind: oftentimes, a strong hyperfixation on a particular religion or the culture surrounding it can be an early sign that you want to convert to that religion. lots of muslim converts, for instance, talk about being fixated on middle-eastern/north african culture or islamic history for years before they converted. but also, there are just as many if not more people where those hyperfixations turn out to be fleeting ones, or even where it remains a lifelong passion but is purely academic (you meet a lot of them in academia, naturally).

--

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

I'm struggling with 12 step real fuckin hard right now. I've always had disagreements with many of NA's ideas, even if I've found it helpful for me personally. I think a lot of it is good and useful and true, like especially the "I cannot control anything besides the actions that I take" kinda stuff. Definitely not unique to twelve step or anything, like thats more or less the foundation of like half of all spiritual thought ever, but still, it's laid out in ways that I've found useful in practical terms.

But idk. They can say it's a spiritual and not religious program all they like, but the program is fundamentally objectivist in most of its beliefs (not like, the Ayn Rand kind of objectivism, just like, the opposite of subjectivism) and that sort of objectivism requires something to originate the objective ontologies. In the program, boundaries between things both physical and metaphysical exist in an objective matter. And sure, I've met very few members whose "god" refers to Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ, but at the root of it, they still believe in some theistic master of the universe, even if it is a secular one.

Meetings just piss me the fuck off nowadays. I go in and say "I'm fucking struggling here, I'm an atheist, like a real fuckin atheist, like actually an atheist for real, and the answers that the program gives that work for everybody else don't fuckin work for me on account of my belief in a purely physical universe," then some fuck goes "yeah, I had trouble with the god thing too, I mean i'm also an atheist but I was told to not let it worry me and trust the process. My god is the group/process/universe/whatever," and its like, no you stupid motherfucker, I do not have a fucking god at all and I need one to actually work this fucking step that I'm on.

And don't get me wrong, there are many things that appear and in some ways might as well function as a god due to the limitations of the human mind, but its no different than staring at static on a television and seeing images in it. The images aren't actually there outside of our perspective, our fucking brains are just being given too much data to properly process it all, so it imposes already processed data onto it. And right now, it feels like the program and every member I hear from is just saying "no, those images really are there, trust the process and you'll see them too," and its like FUCK!!!!!!!!! The problem isn't that I'm not seeing the images, I DO see the images sometimes, the problem is that I fucking know they aren't there in any non-subjective sense!!!!!!!!!! I can't un-know what I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idk. Im just struggling. I tried a lot of shit to get sober and NA was the only thing that fucking worked. There is some personal truth i've found in it, both in the nature of my addiction and in the nature of life without drugs. But as I get more and more and more time, it feels like it keeps working for me less and less and less. And idk what to do about it. idk. I wish I believed in a god.

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I never see anybody talk about how at one point in the comics gar was canonically an addict like can we talk about this can we explore this more???????

And like, the thing is it is absolutely something you need to do your research on and actually try to UNDERSTAND if you're going to do anything with it, but it's also something that I feel... Genuinely makes... A lot of sense for his character, and should be an aspect included in more of his stories. I feel like more people are understanding and acknowledging he's a fundamentally traumatized and mentally ill character and you really can't divorce him from that without changing him entirely and giving NO reason for Why He's Like This aside from ... Idk... Immaturity, but I feel like a reliance and addiction to drugs, specifically sleeping pills in the comics and the YJ cartoon, is something that.. fits, very clearly, into the other patterns of Who He Is.

Like, he's experienced non stop trauma since an extremely young age, he's been a victim of abuse, which means he almost DEFINITELY has nightmares like probably every other hero out there. he canonically has anger issues he tries REALLY HARD to keep under control but his inner monologue and when he's alone he gets very negative, and sometimes lashes out at people who, usually, just want to help. he's depressed, he seems to struggle to make genuine connections with people even tho he desperately needs closeness and affection (probably part of why he acts so flirty, he wants physical closeness but lacks the stability to really let himself get close emotionally, his goofy nature is also a way to keep people at a distance without pushing them away completely. He wants them close, but not close enough to see who he actually is), he canonically jokes all the time because otherwise he would be depressed, so he's always running from his real feelings by putting on a mask and pretending to be something he's not, or at least a different version of himself that isn't totally genuine (it's an aspect of him, sure, he is genuinely a fun loving silly guy, but most of the time it's also just... A self defense mechanism from reality and HIMSELF) and so much more like. Idk man.

All of that adds up to a very traumatized person with avoidant tendencies who actively tries not to think about anything bad, sad, upsetting, and... That's all stuff that often leads people towards dependence and addiction of various kinds. You see it in other characters like Roy Harper for all the same reasons, tbh... They're actually pretty similar dudes depending on what versions you're looking at. Same w Dick Grayson, tho afaik he's never had a drug problem, Im p sure he HAS has alcohol problems.

All of them were just silly ass kids who got into the hero business way too young, had awful shit happen to them before and/or during, and did what they had to do to try to cope.

If anything I've said about Roy or dick is incorrect, pls correct me! I don't know their lore quite as well as I know my Dear Boy, Garfield's... But I do think that despite the difference in age (which rlly isn't much, especially once they're all adults) these three could all probably get a lot out of like. Just. Talking to each other. Mask off, literally, no sugarcoating, they all know how shit REALLY works, they could be honest with each other, ykno? But also I think gar and dick should fist fight in a Denny's parking lot at 3 am. Does that make sense?

(also btw most references I make to "canon" are what was true prior to all the retcons, so anything from 1960s-2011 I believe? Bc everything they did with him since then except for a few things more recently have been absolute trash garbage, they're only in the last few years actually taking the character seriously again and still haven't really... Normalized ? To like... A consistent level of seriousness and consistent lore and shit. So I'm not taking any of that into consideration for this particular analysis/exploration, plus I haven't actually READ most of it so I can't rlly speak on more than just small details I know to be true like: canon healing factor WOOO this boy is HARD TO KILL, BABYYYY GIVE IT UP FOR ANIMAL DNA KEEPING HIM ALIVE DESPITE IT ALL)

[qoldenskies]

prev ask abt donnie being all sparkly eyed abt twin sense and leo shutting his mouth and letting his (little) brother have this eeeeeeee /pos

also would love to hear you talk more abt raph+leo and donnie+mikey dynamics

i could talk for hoooours about raph and leo's dynamic specifically because they are SO interesting and im sure it shines through in the way that i write them at least a little, because i do like getting the chance to pair them together and make them riff off each other. what can i say, they're fun when they're bickering about nothing (or, they're actually bickering about something but leo gets offended and derails it and raph takes the bait) and they're fun when they get along and comfortably colead, or when they just have one whole braincell when they put their heads together

i also really enjoy the potential of a post-movie dynamic where when leo is more comfortably situated into a leadership role being a really important voice of reassurance for raph, more than he already is at least. leo could come in and help calm raph down and tell him it's not so bad/it's going to be okay, but i think raph KNOWING there's someone else who knows how to care of everything is going to seriously help his blood pressure lmfao. especially because leo responds to stress more competently and is a lot better at making structured plans on the fly.

honestly i would love to see more hurt/comfort or whump with these two where raph is the one going Through It especially because leo is actually pretty protective of him in canon, he always gets the MOST upset/offended when people fuck with raph in particular. leo knows very very well that raph is easily upset and he gets angry when people push him around and take advantage of that. unless he gets to do it but if he did raph totally had it coming (/lie)

and when i talk about how second oldest leo feels key to their dynamic i mostly mean when it comes to their conflict like ... raph holds leo to a higher standard than he does anyone else, at first at least. he's always telling him to take responsibility, trying to catch him out in a lie, and arguing with him about the way forward,, and like, leo having a more contrarian personality and being easily suspicious of people (especially because he's so perceptive) is a big reason for this, but i think raph and leo kind of being in their own camp as the oldest two would explain this trait and explain why raph puts so much focus on leo shaping up specifically. i also notice that raph is a lot more comfortable making fun of leo which plays into it LOL

^^^ and post-movie a lot of these problems are resolved-- raph learned pretty early on (in bug busters, probably) that taking things seriously and not listening to leo just for the sake of it was only going to lead them into danger, and in the movie leo learned that being uncooperative and petulant as a defense mechanism was only going to hurt his family and himself by extension-- but i also think there's a lot of angst potential in this dynamic on both sides tbh. it's pretty apparent they fought/fight so much because they fundamentally just misunderstand each other. leo is trying to 4D chess his way out of this unwanted responsibility but it doesnt work at all on raph who is so direct-- raph just keeps trying to lecture leo and make him understand because he's not picking up any of leo's cues at all. really all of their problems would be solved by direct communication but leo would rather die than do that (<- kind of literally? he comes close) and raph doesn't really strike me as someone who's very good at articulating himself and laying all his cards out on the table, he has a lot of emotions that are difficult to put into words. means they can scuffle lots and that's fun

[prof-peach]

Bit ooc but I have a question. How you do go about planing out your PLA comic? Like how do you actually turn your ideas/ storyline into comic form? Is it chapter to chapter or do you have the whole idea already planned out? Trying to find my own way in comic making so I’m just wondering if you could give any advice. Feel free to ignore if you don’t feel comfortable answering

So, at first this was al i could think to send.

because its incredibly accurate to my process.

Jokes aside, a lot of how i work is back and forth chaos, fighting with ideas until im happy with them. I will start with a list (usually not written down because im unhinged and keep a ot of it in my brain) and organise it in a way that makes sense to the situation, in this case workign with a game with an established plot...not that its a very strong one.

with a set of ideas, and a game to work around i will ramble and rant to a few choice people who i bounce well off, and also stare into space for hours on end building the ideas. This process can be days, it can be years. For context, i have some notes from 2019 about things i wanted to include that are still relevant. I have been scheming how to break and rebuild this OC for ages. Theres no correct time frame, so long as you simply do the work.

Once i have a fairly loose plan, i start to solidify the benning and the end. What is required to make a character compelling, what makes them believable, what makes them human in a way that we recognise. this isnt always a positive thing, people like to call characters who do bad things problematic, but its human nature to make mistakes and be damaged or difficult, the process of the story is not always rainbows and sunshine. For me, this hits even harder, as im trying to tell a story from the perspective of someone fundamentally broken, so showing those breaks and cracks has to be done wisely.

This is the point where i make notes about things that need to change from the start to the end. And ill say one thing, this story in particular, I have not solidly planned the middle. I am allowing space for me to come up with new ideas at points. Being locked into a dead set of ideas can be quite limiting, and as creators we consume and process things constantly to generate new stories. Id be a fool to make a plan and stick to it. everything i do is vague guidelines.

However, I know exactly how the story ends in Hisui, and where it goes to from there. And i think me personally knowing the end goal makes it easier to plot steps towards that, and some of those steps are anything but progressive.

If nothing else, the end was the only thing i saw clearly, and it has only become more complex and loaded and emotional as the rest of this has fallen into place. If you can see the goal, you can work out how to get there with time.

Regarding the chapters, i tend to draft plan up like 3-4 of them at a time, and then go in order to sketch out one after the other, so i have plenty of time to change things while i adjust. its constantly a process of seeing what you make, seeing issues, and scrapping whole parts just to redraw something better or new, unique even. I dont think a single page ive posted has resembled the very VERY first draft thumbnail ive made, and thats just how i do. Every panel, how big they are, the angle you hand the viewer, the way you light things, the expressions, this all dictates SO SO much.

Taking time over it is kind of the job, and let me stress, this is normally a job done by a team, especially the highly popular comics. one inks, one colours, one shades, one handles text, one edits, theres so many people behind it, so dont be bothered by the pace at which things are made if youre working alone like i am. One person means longer production times, if you can, spread the workload out, but its not required. Its why i always say it doesnt matter how long it takes to make, so long as youre still making.

I think its also worth noting, comics are consumed quickly, the bakcgournds and small details can be lost in the ace of the storytelling, pick and choosing your battles is wise, save your time on panels where you want the reader to shift along quicker, keep that pace high, and add in more detail and depth to panels you want to champion or get the viewers to hang around on more. its ok to let go of a "perfect" image in favour of getting content out, if youre being driven nuts by it. Again, time be damned, be happy with it. And if you can let go of petty details, id suggest doing it when possible, so long as it doesnt effect the storytelling.

I mean what else can i even say. This work is a passion project, I love it, more than i can even put into words, and i think you kind of have to, to make comics without monetary motivation. sure you can get lucky and find ways to make it big, but for most of us, its the love of the story. So maybe try not to be your biggest hater, its easy to slip into the behaviour, so try be gentle on yourself and the process. I should take that advice myself haha! but i really do mean it. This is HARD work, so be kind to yourself over it.

anyway, with a rough idea, a bunch of sketches, and time, they get inked and fussed over, i make a billion changes to layout and story, and eventually posting can happen but not after fighting with the monster that is creating. Idk what else i can say. This is not work for the feint of heart, but anyone can learn to do it.

Good luck, comic artists can always use it!

[hellonerf]

im just wondering, could you expand on how you see americas character? im really interested in how you characterize him and how much youve thought him through.. especially the deeper parts of his personality .

wow this is very sweet 😖❤️ i'm flattered whenever people say they like my characterization(usually i assume people think i'm crazy or something). um i don't really know where to begin here. if you're curious most of the most notable things in my mind i put in the "ame bible" tag on this blog. 😊 i have an old drawing from march that has like most of the "core" parts of my ame written down but i don't like the drawing anymore so i'll just list down what i wrote that time here ->

> going with canon that he's physically 19 maybe 20ish. i think a youthful boyish demeanor suits him -> adding on to this, a pretty important part of him to me is that he is immature. most of the time the maturity he can show is performative and comes from imitation. that plays into another thing i think about him where he imitates normal people's emotional/social interactions without really "getting it"(why i say he's emotionally inept)

> often susceptible to paranoia and (to some degree) a kind of neurosis -> my add-on for this is that i'd just wipe out the "to some degree" i only wrote that back then because i was shy about my hcs LOL. he's neurotic. he is

> he is difficult to deal with... annoying, frustratinng, exhausting (ambiguous mental disorder lol) -> still true. i still have "ambiguous mental disorder" floating around him whenever i think about him lol. mostly only because he'd never acknowledge it so it'd never be talked about

> thoughts are contradictory often--high anount of cognitive dissonance (doesn't dwell too long on these) -> again still true, kinda plays into the "emotionally inept" thing to me? because he doesn't like actual examination his thoughts get tied around in knots like this. and he doesn't look at them enough to untie it so it just keeps building up 🤷‍♂️

> need for attention often reaches heights he's unaware of -> i feel like i didn't word this that clearly. i meant it in that he is an attention seeker and he knows he is but he doesn't know just how far he'd actually go for it until he keeps pushing it. i think this kind of thing still needs a catalyst for him of course(like someone withholding that attention for example lol...)

> 100 step skincare routine akin to patrick bateman or cassie euphoria -> lol true

> fundamentally lonely, or he'd believe himself to be -> nowadays i'd scratch this to just be fundamentally lonely. maybe it's not entirely true but i think it's applicable by itself. it is kind of self inflicted like this though

> some kind of self pity but only the right amount that he doesn't ever better himself -> lol true

> (doesn't dwell on how he treats others partly due to this)(he seems to not dwell on anything emotional in his point of view) -> i'm kind of laughing at how vague my wording in these are because i was so shy about my headcanons 😊 chill out... anyways i think this is still true also that he is cruel to others and it feeds into how he thinks because otherwise he would have to confront how cruel he can be and that conflicts with his self image hard. in his eyes he's reliable and cool and powerful and he treats people badly but "only if they deserve it! only if they had it coming!". if he dwells too long this whole idea crumbles(throwing back to the cognitive dissonance thing). he's not at worst a trickster hero, he's just not a hero at all. but even if i think his hero gimmick is played up and he somewhat knows its not serious it's still a part of how he views himself. like he's thinking maybe he's a little arrogant a little narcissistic but he's not bad! in a way he IS the hero people just deny it! that kind of thinking

> fake but sometimes he doesn't view it that way, sometimes he does -> what i just said about my old vague wording lol... anyways. he's fake this is just the truth. he knows somewhat he's fake (actor moment) but it's not like. he doesn't see it the same way other people would? to him it's just social sleuthing. it's just here and there to get things done 🤷‍♂️ as far as anyone besides himself know, it's kind of his entire being. like he doesn't perceive how big his lies are lol

> in the end he likes to think of himself as better and more put together than he is, but he is not capable of not being "himself" one way or another -> ? why did i insist on wording these in the most confusing ways possible. but well yeah he thinks he's more in control, of himself specifically, than he actually is. on his self image too.

> more self aware than he wants to be, not as self aware as he thinks he is -> it'd be great to him if he was genuinely unaware of how he is at all. but he's also playing up how much he acknowledges about himself here

> a lot of him smells of artifice. but physically he smells like mostly a clean, chemical scent (like drycleaner) -> i still stand by this! i guess it depends on where he is though? if i had to choose another scent it'd be like a soda or something. or depending on the region or something. but most of the time i think he smells like this

> comparatively low pain tolerance but still bashes his head on walls and gets into fights -> i think he's a stupid baby who actually doesn't do that well with pain. i guess compared to other countries is what i mean? i mean i think it depends on the current state of the country too. instead of sharp pains he's dizzy or something... but he has elaborate forms of self harm anyways

> bad with tears of any kind from anyone (actually seriously insensitive) -> true! i think about ame crying now more often than i did back then, but it's still true. he doesn't cry a lot and he's actually good at not crying. it's not like he had to train himself to cry less it's just not a need most of the time. his negative emotional responses are sanded out usually. when someone else cries he is genuinely really out of his element. if he's not being deliberately cruel he's really awkward with it

> body often bounces between more chub or muscle depending on how obsessive he gets about it, basically never skinny but i still suck at bodies -> i would hope i've improved at drawing bodies at this point 😭 i lean into drawing more chub on him because drawing muscle seriously pisses me off. and he's cuter like that 😊. anyways this still applies! but i should say when he's being obsessive about how his body looks he doesn't accept "excess fat" (he doesn't have a good view on this). if he's trying to be muscular it's in the particular kind of impossible model way, not in the way of natural muscle gain. and i don't think he'd like being skinny. his ideal body is a specific one that he has to work to maintain(which makes everything worse when he's really fucked up about it)

> not normal about food but we all knew this already -> playing into the previous point. ame my princess. sorry(he's killing me with rocks) but it's still true! in the way i described before. it's always true we all knew this already. i think in terms of eating disorder it's more like ? a binge eating disorder? i don't really know specifically. things he feels he should have control over but he doesn't. mentally devastating

> sometimes genuinely apathetic, sometimes idgafness played up -> self explanatory i think sorry my fingers are starting to hurt

okayyy that's all pretty much 😊 well no not all. if you're really curious just read through my posts because ame insanity is in all of them and i'm serious. important things unmentioned : all of these every single one applies to my genderbend ame i think this is obvious but i need to say it they are functionally the same person in my mind. if i had to think what makes me think of ame like this it's probably cause before i reread or rewatched hetalia i watched the musicals first lol. but to be honest i think this is just how he is in my mind? like even without the musicals i'd just view him like this. partly because of my own view of the united states of america as an entity, as a foreigner. ame as a concept and such and such... i was so shy about these headcanons then because it was straight up how i viewed his mental state like i couldn't view it any other way if i tried. this is my default read of ame and i didn't want someone to be like you're fucking insane? thankfully people like it somehow. thank you for reading all of this if you did ❤️ bye my hands hurt

[foundnthestars]

SKY IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND!!!!! THE CHAPTER!!!! AHHHHHH MY BOYS!!!!

God I can't word anything correctly because I'm so caught up in how much I love it all!! The "sad little kid and disabled old man" act was really funny. I feel like Mabel is gonna get on their asses for that as soon as she learns about it.

I said it in my Ao3 comment but I'll say it again, I loved the scene with the translator implants!!! Dipper getting all worked up about it is so relatable. Me too buddy. Excited to see where their new literacy takes them, but also kind of sad that we don't get anymore of the incredibly funny dynamic of "worlds most anxious preteen boy does all the talking while the worlds best conman has to Just Stand There"

AND THE BONDING!!! AND THE CONVERSATION AT THE END ABOUT FORD!!!! AND DIPPER'S GUILT!!!!! AHHHH ITS ALL SO GOOD! I love it so much!!!!!!!!!! Million kudos :D

THANK YOU COPPER!!! your support is so, so appreciated — i really hope you know that!!! the mutual excitement for this fic really keeps me going! you are seriously the best. :)

oh, mabel is for sure going to have some Words. she's going to get on their asses about that and about a billion more things. i think when some time passes this bit will be something they look back on with some kind of humor. like dipper and stan will be closer than ever, joking about those few weeks when dipper was constantly giving him shit and hardly speaking to him. like it wont be funny, per se, but they'll be so close that it'll almost feel like a fever dream to look back on, and they'll all share a little laugh looking back at this time. especially the "worlds most anxious preteen boy does all the talking while the worlds best conman has to Just Stand There" bit. mabel will be extremely pleased that her forcing them to play charades ended up paying off.

but all that being said, stan was right in saying that mabel couldn't care less about dipper's criminal activity. as in, she won't think differently of him or be disappointed. dipper's internal monologue was a little idealistic of mabel. in reality, as we see in the traditional drifting stars au, mabel would've had to do similar things to survive. dipper is so hard on himself and anxious that he assumes that he's a fundamentally immoral person and that everyone else in his life (namely his sister) is good and better and incapable of "failing" in the ways that he does.

i think dipper will naturally get desensitized to this feeling because he'll have to. stealing will become one of the top ways they scrape by, so it follows that he'll have to get over his moral values a bit and find a way to rationalize his behavior even though it's in direct opposition to his values. i kind of had to grapple with canon (where stan's criminal activity is played off as a joke nine times out of ten) and actually try to have the characters grapple with this because theft is not a victimless crime, after all. i think as they continue to figure it out and dipper grows older, they'll make more of a pact to try to take from people who are well off. stealing from big corporations and the wealthy ✅ stealing from individuals and small businesses ❌

unfortunately they didnt have a lot of options this chapter.

and AHH, the translator scene! poor dipper. i almost had him pass out at that scene just to make it more relatable and cause i think it fits his character but i wanted to give him a break. but really, uh... are these guys ok? are they eating enough? i should probably know that. also as im writing this im realizing i didnt actually include them drinking any water these past few chapters. everyone assume they've been boiling lake water these past few weeks, okay?

i was really in a rush to get these guys talking and reading and hearing again. the amount of times i wrote dialogue between stan and dipper this chapter and then remembered, oh shit, stan actually still can't hear anything, was WILD. and also the scene where dipper's looking for acksyien's shop wasn't possible without a side character helping him recognize the alien word on the building since they couldn't read yet. it made for some fun world-building, but these new translators will make those things easier. my favorite implied bit i think is that stan and dipper's interdimensional translator collar was basically a giant beacon/sign that announced "i can't read!" to everyone around them.

I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED!! thank you again for all the support. im happy to write all the bonding and there's more where that came from. more, even. a bunch of crazy stuff is about to happen — some of it good, some of it real bad, but at least they'll have each other every step of the way.

probably. hehe.

[swordfright]

thank you for answer my reliquary/(ex)catholic dream ask! i also don't particularly think that any of them are full-on Catholic catholic but the little mention of even thinking of it As a relic is so fascinating to me

the reverberations of religiosity in dsmp are so interesting to me (but i'm currently studying religion, so it's kind of a revisitation with a new lens? :P)

there's so much about dsmp (that you say, is fundamentally baked into the story) that plays with/reiterates/refutes typical religious understanding (at least—i mean likely all of them are coming from christian/new greek mythology (for lack of a better word, idk, post-pjo) religious background, so playing w that space at least) and i just find it so fascinating, especially as you say, there are many god(ly) characters (+ religion that happens To people!).

i think what's especially interesting to me is that, like, none of these religious elements are really 'necessary', like the whole prime church thing grows out of a joke and becomes a real thing. and then, of course, catholic tommy (+ on people drawing catholic with a bigass crucifix, people—increasingly?—drawing c!quackity with a cross, esp (afaik) in the las nevadas fanarts. what does that imply about him!!).

(+ fwiw, on catholic relics/its uses, i was recently doing a reading on discourse on resurrection esp. in early (medieval) christianity, and there was a discussion on whether or not saints' bones constituted the whole or only part of a body—on the one hand, the saints had to be entirely enshrined within the part, otherwise the divine energy (for lack of a better word) would be nullified. but also, resurrection requires the whole body, reconstituted. so, there's a funny kind of unintentional parallel there too; stagger!dream on the one hand has faith (ha) that resurrection works, but the relic also constitutes the whole. and then he throws it into the lava, much to the disappointment of all the dsmp!catholics, im sure)

sorry for this hilariously long ask lol. the wording of 'relic' is just so full of implication that it just sent my mind spiralling (in the way that great fanfiction gives the space for!)

(context: earlier ask)

YESSS i love this ask i'm sorry it took a couple days to get round to answering it!! i love the way you phrase it as "reverberations of religiosity," and i think you're definitely right about how most of that religiosity is likely theologically and aesthetically inspired by christianity and uhhhh "post-pjo" understandings of greek mythology. probably american protestant christianity specifically, based on what we know about some of the most vocal CCs and their backgrounds; at least, i think that's a reasonable assumption and we can definitely point to those influences in the story. there are also places where religiosity/religion in dsmp looks a bit like the divine patron system in D&D and some other ttrpgs to me, though idk if i would argue there's a direct connection. it's possible, i suppose!

none of the religious elements are "necessary" to the story in a strict sense, but i do think they're sort of a natural next step for a story that's about A) what it means to build something, and B) what it means to have power. my thoughts on this are pretty disorganized but monotheistic concepts of God as ultimate creator/builder and ultimate power-holder are really playing into why introducing deities to a story like dsmp just...makes sense? (actually, maybe one of the most interesting angles here is that the dsmp doesn't use a monotheistic system?? idk, feel free to weigh in!)

another thing i find really interesting is that a machinima style/computer game-based story doesn't need a concept of religion in order to feature resurrection as a plot point, because even though we tend to associate the two IRL, a video game already has built-in revival mechanics. so resurrection on the dsmp never had to be religious, and the fact that the CCs made it explicitly religious anyway is really interesting.

as far as stagger's concerned, i arrived at that scene (and at dream throwing the knuckle bone into the lava after reviving tommy) because i was trying to work backwards from what we know dream knew about revival at the time. the only part of the fic that could be considered canon-divergent is the premise, which is that the bulk of the stagedduo revive book experiments happened after dream's incarceration, rather than before. we don't really have confirmation either way about when the experiments canonically took place, but dr3 has made some very convincing arguments (and also some bits here) that they likely happened prior to the prison arc. speaking personally, the only reason i'm still kinda on the fence about when those experiments happen is that there some things about dream's behavior in prison that reallllyyy make it look like he doesn't know much about how the book works, especially in retrospect after we've seen more examples of what revival looks like in canon. the main resurrections that we actually get to see (aside from vikk and lazar) are tommy, wilbur, and dream himself. when punz revives dream, he does it long-distance. he doesn't have a physical corpse, he doesn't have a ghost, and he's not in the same location where dream died. this means you apparently need NONE of those things to revive someone; you can revive anyone from anywhere with just the knowledge of the revive book! this new info totally recontextualizes dream's resurrection of wilbur from a year or so earlier: if dream could've brought wilbur back any time with very few restrictions, why did he wait so long? why does all of the dialogue in wilbur's revival scene lead us to believe that ghostbur has to be in the same room with dream in order for him to be resurrected? that scene is very much framed as opportunistic: dream reviving wilbur because ghostbur happens to be there, because tommy was stupid enough to bring him along, and dream takes this opportunity to demonstrate his power (and why they shouldn't kill him.) imo, in light of the new info about how revival works, wilbur's resurrection reads as having happened that way because at the time, dream thought he needed to be in physical proximity to a person's ghost in order to revive them, and only later discovered this wasn't the case. which to me implies that the revive book experiments hadn't happened yet. so, working backwards from all that, i tried to picture what may have been going on in dream's mind when he was thinking about reviving tommy.

IF (because we don't know for sure, but if!) tommy was really the first person dream revived, or one of the first, then dream wouldn't have had much experience raising the dead yet. we know for sure that he didn't know you don't need a ghost to revive someone yet, which can also serve as an explanation for why he waits a couple days before reviving tommy — he may have been waiting for tommy's ghost to appear. when he realized there wasn't going to be a ghost, i think it's fairly logical to assume he may have gone for the next best thing: the physical body. considering all this, I don't think it's a stretch to say dream could conceivably try to resurrect tommy using a body part (knuckle bone, in my fic) and when the revival works, he assumes it's because you need a body or a ghost, and only much later finds out that you don't need either of these things to make a resurrection work. the reason i wrote dream hiding tommy's knuckle bone was because i kinda doubt the warden would let dream sit in there with the corpse for all that long (what if the prisoner whittles one of tommy's femurs into a javelin! oh no!) so that part was extrapolated from what we know about sam's neuroses during this arc of the story.

you mentioned you were doing research on relic discourse in early medieval christendom and for the record i would love to know whether there was ever any consensus reached on that btw! like, did the church come to any sort of conclusion on whether the part constituted the whole, or no? ngl it is extremely funny to me that my fic accidentally replicated centuries-old theology beef 🙏🥴 HILDEGARD VON BINGEN I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOUR RELIGION ABOUT MY MINECRAFT TWINKS PLEAE FORGIVE M

[yuri-is-online]

I hope im not the only one who finds it kinda annoying when people write mc/prefect as someone who doesn't have basic table manners just so they can be taught by riddle in riddle x readers, or if they're slovenly and ungraceful just so vil can chide and "fix" them in vil x readers, or any other incompetent reader/yuu x competent LI dynamics out there. I know readers are supposed to be "empty" and flexible for many kinds of readers, but it started to feel alot like self-depreciation for me.

I can't say I've seen too many fics with this specific set up, but there's a pretty good chance I ignored and forgot about them. I am more familiar with the Vil concept though, at least I think? But either way I think the issue you might be finding with these things is that they focus on Yuu's incompetence/inability to function as opposed to the potential for intimacy the scenario could create σ(￣、￣=)

This sort of feels like a weird point to bring up, but table etiquette and basic manners can sort of mean two different things. The type of manners you could argue Riddle would want to see expressed at tea/at an unbirthday party could be much more formal than Yuu is used to, which could make for a cute set up for a fic! Picture Riddle trying his best to teach Yuu about etiquette and finding himself having trouble keeping proper decorum, he wants to hold Yuu's hand so badly, he finds himself letting his finger brush up against the back of Yuu's hand while he tries to guide them through what fork to use... or Riddle trying to teach Yuu to dance and getting too caught up in how excited he is to touch them that he forgets to speak (,,>﹏<,,)

And with Vil, I think people like the concept of having someone dote on them and dress them up in expensive things, but there is also a fundamental misunderstanding of Vil's character that a lot of people have where they think he would see someone in basic sweats and assume they need to be "fixed." The main thing Vil desires is for people to work on self improvement and accept nothing less than the best version of themselves. He's not a Kardashian who wants everything airbrushed and the same, he even admits to being privileged in his upbringing and not understanding Neige's struggles in book 6, he's such a well rounded character, maybe the best in the entire game but back to the topic I am actually on-

Walking someone through a skin care routine or washing their hair, especially if they are having a hard time taking care of themselves due to injury or mental distress is something that can be so painfully intimate. People have different ways of caring for themselves and the VOLUMES it speaks to have someone learn and know your language of self love is sosososo important. Makeup is something Vil loves to express himself with, watching him pick out things to use on Yuu so he can express his love through his work shouldn't be about how he is "fixing" Yuu because that's not how Vil would see it. He is speaking to the beauty he already sees and enhancing it with his own, picture him slowly, deliberately, tracing a lip stain onto Yuu's lips and drawing out the process so he can experience what it is like to kiss them without breaching the delicate line his contract has forced him to walk. How he watches Yuu lick their lips later in the night and swears he can feels it; Yuu worries that they're doing something wrong when Vil keeps insisting on doing their make up because he's always so slow about it but really he just wants to place his claim on them in as subtle and intimate a way as possible.

or something i dunno this was just where my mind went