thinkinonsense

[thinkinonsense]

primal ✮⋆˙

joel miller x fem!reader warnings: secret relationship, smut, specifically joel from ep. 2 when he goes golfing, kinda role playing, crawling, eating it from the back (fem receiving), fingering, dog symbolism, corruption kink, doggy style (i had to), possessive!joel, age gap (25 and 60's), slight manhandling, spanking, boot riding, pussy spanks, edging, hair tugging, joel talks to your pussy, jealous!joel, lots of cum, slight angst, slight breeding kink, notes: heavily inspired from the songs 'dog years' and 'safe word' by halsey and the film 'secretary'. the ending is kinda rushed.

what joel and you have together is controversial to say the least. if anyone knew the truth about what you two do late at night together, neither of you would be able to show your faces again in town.

that thought didn't make either of you want to stop it though. if anything, it made you want each other more.

it's a quarter to eight when you unlock the side door of joel's house with the key he gave you. the sun has already set in the town of jackson, letting the long day rest heavy on you. what you needed more than anything in this moment was joel.

he knows you better than anyone else ever has. taking the time to open you up and study you. finding a way to tame you.

anxiously you sat on the floor of his bedroom; waiting for joel to come home. the room is dark except for the one lamp in the corner of the room, barely creating any light.

soon enough you hear keys jingling around in the door handle downstairs and your stomach flips with excitement at every one of his loud footsteps heading your way. as he steps inside and sits on the bed, joel lets out a low whistle.

the signal.

"ah, there's my girl." he says, watching you crawl on your hands and knees over to him.

the thin straps of your dress fall lazily off of your shoulders as you make your way over to him. when your finally settled in between his legs, joel's hand lightly touches your hair and moves down to your jaw, gripping it and lifting it up.

"long day, sweetheart?" he asks, moving his thumb to tug softly at your bottom lip.

you nod into his palm.

"ain't gotta worry now. i'll take good care of ya'."

joel's thumb pushes past your lips, allowing you to suck on it freely. you obey, letting him stretch and train your mouth as he pleases. never complaining when you nibble on the digit, letting your teeth glide over it teasingly.

you always get so lost in these moments that the only thing that breaks you out of them is when joel begins to tap his foot next to you.

"get on, babydoll."

his words create a warm tingle in between your thighs. slowly you hop onto the tip of his working boots. joel's never said it aloud but he adores the way your body wraps around his leg, holding on as if he's the only thing keeping you grounded.

a tiny whimper leaves your lips when you first move, feeling the pool of slick beneath you. joel can feel the way your body trembles with each grind.

your clit catches on the lace of his boots, adding a nice bit of friction. joel takes in the scene in front of him. your left cheek pressed against the inside of his denim covered thigh, moaning sweetly for him. as much as joel enjoys watching you contort with pleasure, he also loved denying you of it.

right on the brink of ecstasy, he slides his foot out from under and you hear him mutter, "down girl."

as he's aged, joel has become less forgiving. almost too willing to put you in your place.

"p-please, please, joel." you plead, looking up at him with big round eyes.

without warning, his hand wraps around the silver cross necklace and tugs softly at it. joel's eyes were dark with power and lust.

"not yet." he grunts, toying with the necklace.

another whimper escapes you, louder than the last. joel tsks in response.

"now, what have i told ya'?" his voice was low raspy and full of weight.

you knew the phrase and what it meant. joel always made sure to remind you of it when you become impatient or too needy. a reminder that all good girls get rewarded in the end.

"all dogs go to heaven." you reply, struggling to look into his eyes.

"good girl." he purrs, releasing your pretty necklace.

joel takes a moment to drink in your current state. face flushed with embarrassment and arousal. he thought it was cute how you pretend to be ashamed of this side of yourself.

all it takes is three quick taps on his thick thighs for you to pounce on him.

"ya' make a real pretty lap dog, sweetheart." he mutters, nipping at your ear lobe and brushing a hand down your hair.

"missed you today." you whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

he didn't need you to tell him that because joel could feel now much you missed him. due to the lack of panties under your dress, his jeans were beginning to get soaked from your slick.

one thing about joel is he kisses like he wants to eat you alive. it's full of hunger. borderline cannibalistic.

a primal desire.

instead of responding with words, joel lets the two of you fall back onto the mattress. your hips start to grind down on his belt buckle while his hands squeeze your hips and ass.

joel's fingers part your lips, running up and down your slit, collecting your arousal. your back arches as he circles your hole. everything felt so right,

until your lower half is met with a sudden smack!

"uh, j-joel." you groan, coating his palm.

"stop tryin' get yourself off on my belt." he says sternly, laying down another sharp smack.

the hand on your ass moves up your back while his other hand slips two fingers past your tight velvety walls. without noticing, joel's hand inches towards your hair and yanks your head back.

"r-r-right there..." you moan, eyes screwed shut.

moving at an ungodly fast pace, joel manages to find that sweet spongey spot. the one that no one has ever taken the time to study before.

"saw you with daniel the other day by the barns." joel rambles, sounding slightly pissed. "ya'll looked awfully close."

it takes you a moment to fully understand what he meant. sure, you were hanging out with danny. he's been your friend for years now and there was nothing going on between you two.

either way, the thought of that guy being close to you set a fire in his mind. the way he touches your hair and pulls you in for a hug. things joel wishes he could do in public with you.

"danny's just a.... a f-friend!" you squeal, feeling close again.

joel chuckles from somewhere dark and deeply within his chest. the sound alone almost tips you over the edge. the worst part is joel knows it.

"a friend doesn't stare at your chest when they talk to ya'." he remarks, fighting back a groan when you sink your teeth into his collarbone.

"w-why do you even pretend to care?" you bite back with a glare.

joel almost paused but instead he went painfully slow. he knew you two weren't public for many reasons but none of them were because he didn't care about you.

in a split second, joel's other hand wraps tightly into your hair similar to before but this time his grip was rougher. the way you liked it.

"do you seriously think i don't care about you?" he asked, arching a brow at you.

every coherent thought of yours melted the second you felt a fire start in your tummy. something warm and new.

"joel..." you squirm, kicking your feet slightly with embarrassment of what might happen. "c-can't."

your eyes shut as a splash of slick follows your trembling orgasm. whimpers of joel's name and soft curses fall from your lips like scripture.

"that's my girl." he smirks. "betcha like leakin' all over your old man, huh?"

weakly, you nod. joel can tell that you're tired from your orgasm, legs still slightly shaking but that won't stop him from getting a taste of you.

"get on all fours." he instructs you with a sharp smack to your ass, without a doubt leaving a bruise.

you crawl over him, feeling his gaze on your cunt as he watches you clench around nothing. chest and stomach flat against the mattress, back arched and ass in the air. just waiting for him.

"could sit here and stare at her all day." he groans behind you. big hands roaming all over your thighs and ass.

without warning, joel sinks his teeth into the fat of your left cheek. your groans of pain and pleasure fill the room as your arousal drips onto his dark navy bedsheets.

"pleasepleaseplease, j-joel." you beg, wiggling your hips back a little. inching for his mouth. "i need—ah!"

suddenly, his warm tongue begins lapping up your slick. running the muscle through your folds before dipping inside of you. the taste reminded him of honey. sweet sweet honey.

"fuck, sweetheart." he moans into your pussy, barely lifting up to breathe. joel eats pussy like he's on death row. takes his time, covers every surface. he loves inhaling your addictive scent. "can't believe you're all mine."

mine. that's always what he says with his head between your thighs. claims you in his bedroom but forgets your name once he's outside.

"s–shut up." you hiss, finally sick of his shit.

joel pulls back quickly then spits directly onto your cunt. a loud gasp slips from your lips at the feeling.

"don't try and bite at me. i'll leave you untouched for the rest of the night while i get off here by myself." he threatens and he means it.

"s-sorry." you whimper, not wanting him to leave you.

joel goes back to feasting on you but your behavior doesn't go unnoticed by him. he knows it eats at you that he can't claim you publicly. both of you made that clear the first time he kissed you. your daddy's on the council and the town tolerated joel. no one would approve of this.

when he finally pulled off of you, leaving you wreaked and his sheets ruined. joel flips you over swiftly and gets on top of you, facing you again.

the first thing he noticed were the tears in your eyes as you tried not to look at him. joel hated seeing you like this.

"where'd those tears come from, sweet girl?" he coos, tilting your chin to get you to make eye contact with him.

you sniffle, feeling embarrassed for crying.

"it's nothin'." you reply, wrapping your legs around him. hoping that he will let this go and move on.

"tell me what's wrong."

you think about not answering or lying, but for some reason you just can't. joel listens to you take a deep breath and sigh.

"feels like one of these days, you're gonna shot me in the yard. ya' know, put me out of my misery sorta thing."

joel takes a moment to gather his thoughts. his face was unreadable to you. no real sign of emotion until you felt his left hand reach for your leg, lifting it over his shoulder slowly.

"joel, maybe we shouldn't– fuck!"

your words are cut short when his hips snap against yours. it was always a struggle to take him fully; and right now, you could feel him in your guts. the pace was rough, like joel had something to prove to you.

"no. i'm not putting ya' outta your misery or leaving ya' or any bullshit like that." he hisses, feeling your tight walls restrict his brutal pace.

you're at a lose for words. only able to moan for him. his hands play with your tits, rolling your buds between his fingers while nipping at your neck. his mouth settles right by your ear, groaning in it for a moment before speaking again.

"and i'm not fuckin' sharing you with daniel or anybody, sweetheart." his voice is dangerously low as he presses all of his weight down on you in a deliciously suffocating way. "so, cut this shit out and bark for me like the good girl you are."

once his thumb settled on your clit, rubbing in small focused circles, that's all it took for you to break.

"j-joel! shit, right t-there!" you squeal, clenching down on him.

"atta fuckin' girl." he grins, lifting up your other leg and sinking into you. "feelin' full yet? gonna let me mark ya' up? put my claim in you?"

your head was dizzy from his dirty mouth and dirtier actions. all you could do was nod and whimper against his lips.

"want me to knock ya' up?" he teases, hitting that spongy spot inside of you. the one that makes you see stars. "get ya' nice and round with my child? let the whole fuckin' town know that this old man put a baby in ya'? then would you believe that i care?"

joel couldn't be prouder then when he looks down at your fucked out face, just babbling incoherent worlds at him while nodding and staring at him like he hung the damn moon.

"w-want that, joel." you nod. "please, wanna feel you inside of me for days."

now it was joel's turn to feel flustered. your lips leave a trail of kisses on his jaw, making his cock twitch at the tenderness. for an older guy, joel still had stamina.

"don't worry, you've been a real good girl so i'll keep ya' nice and full of me." he groans, feeling you get closer to your high.

a loud pornographic moan of yours comes out when joel places his hand over your lower abdomen, feeling his imprint.

"j-joel, im gonna—"

a gush of your juices hit his pubic bone, coating the grey curly hairs there. joel doesn't take long to follow behind you, spilling ropes and ropes of his warm seed inside of you. even when you think he's done, he still manages to keep coming.

slightly overstimulated, you let your legs fall back on the sheets. joel finally pulls out, watching his cum spill out of you for a moment. two of his fingers slip inside of you, making sure it sticks.

"gonna spend all night shown you how much i care, sugar."

[thinkinonsense]

send me any joel or logan thoughts!! need to talk about them! plus any thoughts on the recent primal blurb or if it's meant to be series?<3

[thinkinonsense]

primal ✮⋆˙

joel miller x fem!reader warnings: secret relationship, smut, specifically joel from ep. 2 when he goes golfing, kinda role playing, crawling, eating it from the back (fem receiving), fingering, dog symbolism, corruption kink, doggy style (i had to), possessive!joel, age gap (25 and 60's), slight manhandling, spanking, boot riding, pussy spanks, edging, hair tugging, joel talks to your pussy, jealous!joel, lots of cum, slight angst, slight breeding kink, notes: heavily inspired from the songs 'dog years' and 'safe word' by halsey and the film 'secretary'. the ending is kinda rushed.

what joel and you have together is controversial to say the least. if anyone knew the truth about what you two do late at night together, neither of you would be able to show your faces again in town.

that thought didn't make either of you want to stop it though. if anything, it made you want each other more.

it's a quarter to eight when you unlock the side door of joel's house with the key he gave you. the sun has already set in the town of jackson, letting the long day rest heavy on you. what you needed more than anything in this moment was joel.

he knows you better than anyone else ever has. taking the time to open you up and study you. finding a way to tame you.

anxiously you sat on the floor of his bedroom; waiting for joel to come home. the room is dark except for the one lamp in the corner of the room, barely creating any light.

soon enough you hear keys jingling around in the door handle downstairs and your stomach flips with excitement at every one of his loud footsteps heading your way. as he steps inside and sits on the bed, joel lets out a low whistle.

the signal.

"ah, there's my girl." he says, watching you crawl on your hands and knees over to him.

the thin straps of your dress fall lazily off of your shoulders as you make your way over to him. when your finally settled in between his legs, joel's hand lightly touches your hair and moves down to your jaw, gripping it and lifting it up.

"long day, sweetheart?" he asks, moving his thumb to tug softly at your bottom lip.

you nod into his palm.

"ain't gotta worry now. i'll take good care of ya'."

joel's thumb pushes past your lips, allowing you to suck on it freely. you obey, letting him stretch and train your mouth as he pleases. never complaining when you nibble on the digit, letting your teeth glide over it teasingly.

you always get so lost in these moments that the only thing that breaks you out of them is when joel begins to tap his foot next to you.

"get on, babydoll."

his words create a warm tingle in between your thighs. slowly you hop onto the tip of his working boots. joel's never said it aloud but he adores the way your body wraps around his leg, holding on as if he's the only thing keeping you grounded.

a tiny whimper leaves your lips when you first move, feeling the pool of slick beneath you. joel can feel the way your body trembles with each grind.

your clit catches on the lace of his boots, adding a nice bit of friction. joel takes in the scene in front of him. your left cheek pressed against the inside of his denim covered thigh, moaning sweetly for him. as much as joel enjoys watching you contort with pleasure, he also loved denying you of it.

right on the brink of ecstasy, he slides his foot out from under and you hear him mutter, "down girl."

as he's aged, joel has become less forgiving. almost too willing to put you in your place.

"p-please, please, joel." you plead, looking up at him with big round eyes.

without warning, his hand wraps around the silver cross necklace and tugs softly at it. joel's eyes were dark with power and lust.

"not yet." he grunts, toying with the necklace.

another whimper escapes you, louder than the last. joel tsks in response.

"now, what have i told ya'?" his voice was low raspy and full of weight.

you knew the phrase and what it meant. joel always made sure to remind you of it when you become impatient or too needy. a reminder that all good girls get rewarded in the end.

"all dogs go to heaven." you reply, struggling to look into his eyes.

"good girl." he purrs, releasing your pretty necklace.

joel takes a moment to drink in your current state. face flushed with embarrassment and arousal. he thought it was cute how you pretend to be ashamed of this side of yourself.

all it takes is three quick taps on his thick thighs for you to pounce on him.

"ya' make a real pretty lap dog, sweetheart." he mutters, nipping at your ear lobe and brushing a hand down your hair.

"missed you today." you whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

he didn't need you to tell him that because joel could feel now much you missed him. due to the lack of panties under your dress, his jeans were beginning to get soaked from your slick.

one thing about joel is he kisses like he wants to eat you alive. it's full of hunger. borderline cannibalistic.

a primal desire.

instead of responding with words, joel lets the two of you fall back onto the mattress. your hips start to grind down on his belt buckle while his hands squeeze your hips and ass.

joel's fingers part your lips, running up and down your slit, collecting your arousal. your back arches as he circles your hole. everything felt so right,

until your lower half is met with a sudden smack!

"uh, j-joel." you groan, coating his palm.

"stop tryin' get yourself off on my belt." he says sternly, laying down another sharp smack.

the hand on your ass moves up your back while his other hand slips two fingers past your tight velvety walls. without noticing, joel's hand inches towards your hair and yanks your head back.

"r-r-right there..." you moan, eyes screwed shut.

moving at an ungodly fast pace, joel manages to find that sweet spongey spot. the one that no one has ever taken the time to study before.

"saw you with daniel the other day by the barns." joel rambles, sounding slightly pissed. "ya'll looked awfully close."

it takes you a moment to fully understand what he meant. sure, you were hanging out with danny. he's been your friend for years now and there was nothing going on between you two.

either way, the thought of that guy being close to you set a fire in his mind. the way he touches your hair and pulls you in for a hug. things joel wishes he could do in public with you.

"danny's just a.... a f-friend!" you squeal, feeling close again.

joel chuckles from somewhere dark and deeply within his chest. the sound alone almost tips you over the edge. the worst part is joel knows it.

"a friend doesn't stare at your chest when they talk to ya'." he remarks, fighting back a groan when you sink your teeth into his collarbone.

"w-why do you even pretend to care?" you bite back with a glare.

joel almost paused but instead he went painfully slow. he knew you two weren't public for many reasons but none of them were because he didn't care about you.

in a split second, joel's other hand wraps tightly into your hair similar to before but this time his grip was rougher. the way you liked it.

"do you seriously think i don't care about you?" he asked, arching a brow at you.

every coherent thought of yours melted the second you felt a fire start in your tummy. something warm and new.

"joel..." you squirm, kicking your feet slightly with embarrassment of what might happen. "c-can't."

your eyes shut as a splash of slick follows your trembling orgasm. whimpers of joel's name and soft curses fall from your lips like scripture.

"that's my girl." he smirks. "betcha like leakin' all over your old man, huh?"

weakly, you nod. joel can tell that you're tired from your orgasm, legs still slightly shaking but that won't stop him from getting a taste of you.

"get on all fours." he instructs you with a sharp smack to your ass, without a doubt leaving a bruise.

you crawl over him, feeling his gaze on your cunt as he watches you clench around nothing. chest and stomach flat against the mattress, back arched and ass in the air. just waiting for him.

"could sit here and stare at her all day." he groans behind you. big hands roaming all over your thighs and ass.

without warning, joel sinks his teeth into the fat of your left cheek. your groans of pain and pleasure fill the room as your arousal drips onto his dark navy bedsheets.

"pleasepleaseplease, j-joel." you beg, wiggling your hips back a little. inching for his mouth. "i need—ah!"

suddenly, his warm tongue begins lapping up your slick. running the muscle through your folds before dipping inside of you. the taste reminded him of honey. sweet sweet honey.

"fuck, sweetheart." he moans into your pussy, barely lifting up to breathe. joel eats pussy like he's on death row. takes his time, covers every surface. he loves inhaling your addictive scent. "can't believe you're all mine."

mine. that's always what he says with his head between your thighs. claims you in his bedroom but forgets your name once he's outside.

"s–shut up." you hiss, finally sick of his shit.

joel pulls back quickly then spits directly onto your cunt. a loud gasp slips from your lips at the feeling.

"don't try and bite at me. i'll leave you untouched for the rest of the night while i get off here by myself." he threatens and he means it.

"s-sorry." you whimper, not wanting him to leave you.

joel goes back to feasting on you but your behavior doesn't go unnoticed by him. he knows it eats at you that he can't claim you publicly. both of you made that clear the first time he kissed you. your daddy's on the council and the town tolerated joel. no one would approve of this.

when he finally pulled off of you, leaving you wreaked and his sheets ruined. joel flips you over swiftly and gets on top of you, facing you again.

the first thing he noticed were the tears in your eyes as you tried not to look at him. joel hated seeing you like this.

"where'd those tears come from, sweet girl?" he coos, tilting your chin to get you to make eye contact with him.

you sniffle, feeling embarrassed for crying.

"it's nothin'." you reply, wrapping your legs around him. hoping that he will let this go and move on.

"tell me what's wrong."

you think about not answering or lying, but for some reason you just can't. joel listens to you take a deep breath and sigh.

"feels like one of these days, you're gonna shot me in the yard. ya' know, put me out of my misery sorta thing."

joel takes a moment to gather his thoughts. his face was unreadable to you. no real sign of emotion until you felt his left hand reach for your leg, lifting it over his shoulder slowly.

"joel, maybe we shouldn't– fuck!"

your words are cut short when his hips snap against yours. it was always a struggle to take him fully; and right now, you could feel him in your guts. the pace was rough, like joel had something to prove to you.

"no. i'm not putting ya' outta your misery or leaving ya' or any bullshit like that." he hisses, feeling your tight walls restrict his brutal pace.

you're at a lose for words. only able to moan for him. his hands play with your tits, rolling your buds between his fingers while nipping at your neck. his mouth settles right by your ear, groaning in it for a moment before speaking again.

"and i'm not fuckin' sharing you with daniel or anybody, sweetheart." his voice is dangerously low as he presses all of his weight down on you in a deliciously suffocating way. "so, cut this shit out and bark for me like the good girl you are."

once his thumb settled on your clit, rubbing in small focused circles, that's all it took for you to break.

"j-joel! shit, right t-there!" you squeal, clenching down on him.

"atta fuckin' girl." he grins, lifting up your other leg and sinking into you. "feelin' full yet? gonna let me mark ya' up? put my claim in you?"

your head was dizzy from his dirty mouth and dirtier actions. all you could do was nod and whimper against his lips.

"want me to knock ya' up?" he teases, hitting that spongy spot inside of you. the one that makes you see stars. "get ya' nice and round with my child? let the whole fuckin' town know that this old man put a baby in ya'? then would you believe that i care?"

joel couldn't be prouder then when he looks down at your fucked out face, just babbling incoherent worlds at him while nodding and staring at him like he hung the damn moon.

"w-want that, joel." you nod. "please, wanna feel you inside of me for days."

now it was joel's turn to feel flustered. your lips leave a trail of kisses on his jaw, making his cock twitch at the tenderness. for an older guy, joel still had stamina.

"don't worry, you've been a real good girl so i'll keep ya' nice and full of me." he groans, feeling you get closer to your high.

a loud pornographic moan of yours comes out when joel places his hand over your lower abdomen, feeling his imprint.

"j-joel, im gonna—"

a gush of your juices hit his pubic bone, coating the grey curly hairs there. joel doesn't take long to follow behind you, spilling ropes and ropes of his warm seed inside of you. even when you think he's done, he still manages to keep coming.

slightly overstimulated, you let your legs fall back on the sheets. joel finally pulls out, watching his cum spill out of you for a moment. two of his fingers slip inside of you, making sure it sticks.

"gonna spend all night shown you how much i care, sugar."

[thinkinonsense]

primal ✮⋆˙

joel miller x fem!reader warnings: secret relationship, smut, specifically joel from ep. 2 when he goes golfing, kinda role playing, crawling, eating it from the back (fem receiving), fingering, dog symbolism, corruption kink, doggy style (i had to), possessive!joel, age gap (25 and 60's), slight manhandling, spanking, boot riding, pussy spanks, edging, hair tugging, joel talks to your pussy, jealous!joel, lots of cum, slight angst, slight breeding kink, notes: heavily inspired from the songs 'dog years' and 'safe word' by halsey and the film 'secretary'. the ending is kinda rushed.

what joel and you have together is controversial to say the least. if anyone knew the truth about what you two do late at night together, neither of you would be able to show your faces again in town.

that thought didn't make either of you want to stop it though. if anything, it made you want each other more.

it's a quarter to eight when you unlock the side door of joel's house with the key he gave you. the sun has already set in the town of jackson, letting the long day rest heavy on you. what you needed more than anything in this moment was joel.

he knows you better than anyone else ever has. taking the time to open you up and study you. finding a way to tame you.

anxiously you sat on the floor of his bedroom; waiting for joel to come home. the room is dark except for the one lamp in the corner of the room, barely creating any light.

soon enough you hear keys jingling around in the door handle downstairs and your stomach flips with excitement at every one of his loud footsteps heading your way. as he steps inside and sits on the bed, joel lets out a low whistle.

the signal.

"ah, there's my girl." he says, watching you crawl on your hands and knees over to him.

the thin straps of your dress fall lazily off of your shoulders as you make your way over to him. when your finally settled in between his legs, joel's hand lightly touches your hair and moves down to your jaw, gripping it and lifting it up.

"long day, sweetheart?" he asks, moving his thumb to tug softly at your bottom lip.

you nod into his palm.

"ain't gotta worry now. i'll take good care of ya'."

joel's thumb pushes past your lips, allowing you to suck on it freely. you obey, letting him stretch and train your mouth as he pleases. never complaining when you nibble on the digit, letting your teeth glide over it teasingly.

you always get so lost in these moments that the only thing that breaks you out of them is when joel begins to tap his foot next to you.

"get on, babydoll."

his words create a warm tingle in between your thighs. slowly you hop onto the tip of his working boots. joel's never said it aloud but he adores the way your body wraps around his leg, holding on as if he's the only thing keeping you grounded.

a tiny whimper leaves your lips when you first move, feeling the pool of slick beneath you. joel can feel the way your body trembles with each grind.

your clit catches on the lace of his boots, adding a nice bit of friction. joel takes in the scene in front of him. your left cheek pressed against the inside of his denim covered thigh, moaning sweetly for him. as much as joel enjoys watching you contort with pleasure, he also loved denying you of it.

right on the brink of ecstasy, he slides his foot out from under and you hear him mutter, "down girl."

as he's aged, joel has become less forgiving. almost too willing to put you in your place.

"p-please, please, joel." you plead, looking up at him with big round eyes.

without warning, his hand wraps around the silver cross necklace and tugs softly at it. joel's eyes were dark with power and lust.

"not yet." he grunts, toying with the necklace.

another whimper escapes you, louder than the last. joel tsks in response.

"now, what have i told ya'?" his voice was low raspy and full of weight.

you knew the phrase and what it meant. joel always made sure to remind you of it when you become impatient or too needy. a reminder that all good girls get rewarded in the end.

"all dogs go to heaven." you reply, struggling to look into his eyes.

"good girl." he purrs, releasing your pretty necklace.

joel takes a moment to drink in your current state. face flushed with embarrassment and arousal. he thought it was cute how you pretend to be ashamed of this side of yourself.

all it takes is three quick taps on his thick thighs for you to pounce on him.

"ya' make a real pretty lap dog, sweetheart." he mutters, nipping at your ear lobe and brushing a hand down your hair.

"missed you today." you whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

he didn't need you to tell him that because joel could feel now much you missed him. due to the lack of panties under your dress, his jeans were beginning to get soaked from your slick.

one thing about joel is he kisses like he wants to eat you alive. it's full of hunger. borderline cannibalistic.

a primal desire.

instead of responding with words, joel lets the two of you fall back onto the mattress. your hips start to grind down on his belt buckle while his hands squeeze your hips and ass.

joel's fingers part your lips, running up and down your slit, collecting your arousal. your back arches as he circles your hole. everything felt so right,

until your lower half is met with a sudden smack!

"uh, j-joel." you groan, coating his palm.

"stop tryin' get yourself off on my belt." he says sternly, laying down another sharp smack.

the hand on your ass moves up your back while his other hand slips two fingers past your tight velvety walls. without noticing, joel's hand inches towards your hair and yanks your head back.

"r-r-right there..." you moan, eyes screwed shut.

moving at an ungodly fast pace, joel manages to find that sweet spongey spot. the one that no one has ever taken the time to study before.

"saw you with daniel the other day by the barns." joel rambles, sounding slightly pissed. "ya'll looked awfully close."

it takes you a moment to fully understand what he meant. sure, you were hanging out with danny. he's been your friend for years now and there was nothing going on between you two.

either way, the thought of that guy being close to you set a fire in his mind. the way he touches your hair and pulls you in for a hug. things joel wishes he could do in public with you.

"danny's just a.... a f-friend!" you squeal, feeling close again.

joel chuckles from somewhere dark and deeply within his chest. the sound alone almost tips you over the edge. the worst part is joel knows it.

"a friend doesn't stare at your chest when they talk to ya'." he remarks, fighting back a groan when you sink your teeth into his collarbone.

"w-why do you even pretend to care?" you bite back with a glare.

joel almost paused but instead he went painfully slow. he knew you two weren't public for many reasons but none of them were because he didn't care about you.

in a split second, joel's other hand wraps tightly into your hair similar to before but this time his grip was rougher. the way you liked it.

"do you seriously think i don't care about you?" he asked, arching a brow at you.

every coherent thought of yours melted the second you felt a fire start in your tummy. something warm and new.

"joel..." you squirm, kicking your feet slightly with embarrassment of what might happen. "c-can't."

your eyes shut as a splash of slick follows your trembling orgasm. whimpers of joel's name and soft curses fall from your lips like scripture.

"that's my girl." he smirks. "betcha like leakin' all over your old man, huh?"

weakly, you nod. joel can tell that you're tired from your orgasm, legs still slightly shaking but that won't stop him from getting a taste of you.

"get on all fours." he instructs you with a sharp smack to your ass, without a doubt leaving a bruise.

you crawl over him, feeling his gaze on your cunt as he watches you clench around nothing. chest and stomach flat against the mattress, back arched and ass in the air. just waiting for him.

"could sit here and stare at her all day." he groans behind you. big hands roaming all over your thighs and ass.

without warning, joel sinks his teeth into the fat of your left cheek. your groans of pain and pleasure fill the room as your arousal drips onto his dark navy bedsheets.

"pleasepleaseplease, j-joel." you beg, wiggling your hips back a little. inching for his mouth. "i need—ah!"

suddenly, his warm tongue begins lapping up your slick. running the muscle through your folds before dipping inside of you. the taste reminded him of honey. sweet sweet honey.

"fuck, sweetheart." he moans into your pussy, barely lifting up to breathe. joel eats pussy like he's on death row. takes his time, covers every surface. he loves inhaling your addictive scent. "can't believe you're all mine."

mine. that's always what he says with his head between your thighs. claims you in his bedroom but forgets your name once he's outside.

"s–shut up." you hiss, finally sick of his shit.

joel pulls back quickly then spits directly onto your cunt. a loud gasp slips from your lips at the feeling.

"don't try and bite at me. i'll leave you untouched for the rest of the night while i get off here by myself." he threatens and he means it.

"s-sorry." you whimper, not wanting him to leave you.

joel goes back to feasting on you but your behavior doesn't go unnoticed by him. he knows it eats at you that he can't claim you publicly. both of you made that clear the first time he kissed you. your daddy's on the council and the town tolerated joel. no one would approve of this.

when he finally pulled off of you, leaving you wreaked and his sheets ruined. joel flips you over swiftly and gets on top of you, facing you again.

the first thing he noticed were the tears in your eyes as you tried not to look at him. joel hated seeing you like this.

"where'd those tears come from, sweet girl?" he coos, tilting your chin to get you to make eye contact with him.

you sniffle, feeling embarrassed for crying.

"it's nothin'." you reply, wrapping your legs around him. hoping that he will let this go and move on.

"tell me what's wrong."

you think about not answering or lying, but for some reason you just can't. joel listens to you take a deep breath and sigh.

"feels like one of these days, you're gonna shot me in the yard. ya' know, put me out of my misery sorta thing."

joel takes a moment to gather his thoughts. his face was unreadable to you. no real sign of emotion until you felt his left hand reach for your leg, lifting it over his shoulder slowly.

"joel, maybe we shouldn't– fuck!"

your words are cut short when his hips snap against yours. it was always a struggle to take him fully; and right now, you could feel him in your guts. the pace was rough, like joel had something to prove to you.

"no. i'm not putting ya' outta your misery or leaving ya' or any bullshit like that." he hisses, feeling your tight walls restrict his brutal pace.

you're at a lose for words. only able to moan for him. his hands play with your tits, rolling your buds between his fingers while nipping at your neck. his mouth settles right by your ear, groaning in it for a moment before speaking again.

"and i'm not fuckin' sharing you with daniel or anybody, sweetheart." his voice is dangerously low as he presses all of his weight down on you in a deliciously suffocating way. "so, cut this shit out and bark for me like the good girl you are."

once his thumb settled on your clit, rubbing in small focused circles, that's all it took for you to break.

"j-joel! shit, right t-there!" you squeal, clenching down on him.

"atta fuckin' girl." he grins, lifting up your other leg and sinking into you. "feelin' full yet? gonna let me mark ya' up? put my claim in you?"

your head was dizzy from his dirty mouth and dirtier actions. all you could do was nod and whimper against his lips.

"want me to knock ya' up?" he teases, hitting that spongy spot inside of you. the one that makes you see stars. "get ya' nice and round with my child? let the whole fuckin' town know that this old man put a baby in ya'? then would you believe that i care?"

joel couldn't be prouder then when he looks down at your fucked out face, just babbling incoherent worlds at him while nodding and staring at him like he hung the damn moon.

"w-want that, joel." you nod. "please, wanna feel you inside of me for days."

now it was joel's turn to feel flustered. your lips leave a trail of kisses on his jaw, making his cock twitch at the tenderness. for an older guy, joel still had stamina.

"don't worry, you've been a real good girl so i'll keep ya' nice and full of me." he groans, feeling you get closer to your high.

a loud pornographic moan of yours comes out when joel places his hand over your lower abdomen, feeling his imprint.

"j-joel, im gonna—"

a gush of your juices hit his pubic bone, coating the grey curly hairs there. joel doesn't take long to follow behind you, spilling ropes and ropes of his warm seed inside of you. even when you think he's done, he still manages to keep coming.

slightly overstimulated, you let your legs fall back on the sheets. joel finally pulls out, watching his cum spill out of you for a moment. two of his fingers slip inside of you, making sure it sticks.

"gonna spend all night shown you how much i care, sugar."

[thinkinonsense]

send me any joel or logan thoughts!! need to talk about them! plus any thoughts on the recent primal blurb or if it's meant to be series?<3

[thinkinonsense]

primal ✮⋆˙

joel miller x fem!reader warnings: secret relationship, smut, specifically joel from ep. 2 when he goes golfing, kinda role playing, crawling, eating it from the back (fem receiving), fingering, dog symbolism, corruption kink, doggy style (i had to), possessive!joel, age gap (25 and 60's), slight manhandling, spanking, boot riding, pussy spanks, edging, hair tugging, joel talks to your pussy, jealous!joel, lots of cum, slight angst, slight breeding kink, notes: heavily inspired from the songs 'dog years' and 'safe word' by halsey and the film 'secretary'. the ending is kinda rushed.

what joel and you have together is controversial to say the least. if anyone knew the truth about what you two do late at night together, neither of you would be able to show your faces again in town.

that thought didn't make either of you want to stop it though. if anything, it made you want each other more.

it's a quarter to eight when you unlock the side door of joel's house with the key he gave you. the sun has already set in the town of jackson, letting the long day rest heavy on you. what you needed more than anything in this moment was joel.

he knows you better than anyone else ever has. taking the time to open you up and study you. finding a way to tame you.

anxiously you sat on the floor of his bedroom; waiting for joel to come home. the room is dark except for the one lamp in the corner of the room, barely creating any light.

soon enough you hear keys jingling around in the door handle downstairs and your stomach flips with excitement at every one of his loud footsteps heading your way. as he steps inside and sits on the bed, joel lets out a low whistle.

the signal.

"ah, there's my girl." he says, watching you crawl on your hands and knees over to him.

the thin straps of your dress fall lazily off of your shoulders as you make your way over to him. when your finally settled in between his legs, joel's hand lightly touches your hair and moves down to your jaw, gripping it and lifting it up.

"long day, sweetheart?" he asks, moving his thumb to tug softly at your bottom lip.

you nod into his palm.

"ain't gotta worry now. i'll take good care of ya'."

joel's thumb pushes past your lips, allowing you to suck on it freely. you obey, letting him stretch and train your mouth as he pleases. never complaining when you nibble on the digit, letting your teeth glide over it teasingly.

you always get so lost in these moments that the only thing that breaks you out of them is when joel begins to tap his foot next to you.

"get on, babydoll."

his words create a warm tingle in between your thighs. slowly you hop onto the tip of his working boots. joel's never said it aloud but he adores the way your body wraps around his leg, holding on as if he's the only thing keeping you grounded.

a tiny whimper leaves your lips when you first move, feeling the pool of slick beneath you. joel can feel the way your body trembles with each grind.

your clit catches on the lace of his boots, adding a nice bit of friction. joel takes in the scene in front of him. your left cheek pressed against the inside of his denim covered thigh, moaning sweetly for him. as much as joel enjoys watching you contort with pleasure, he also loved denying you of it.

right on the brink of ecstasy, he slides his foot out from under and you hear him mutter, "down girl."

as he's aged, joel has become less forgiving. almost too willing to put you in your place.

"p-please, please, joel." you plead, looking up at him with big round eyes.

without warning, his hand wraps around the silver cross necklace and tugs softly at it. joel's eyes were dark with power and lust.

"not yet." he grunts, toying with the necklace.

another whimper escapes you, louder than the last. joel tsks in response.

"now, what have i told ya'?" his voice was low raspy and full of weight.

you knew the phrase and what it meant. joel always made sure to remind you of it when you become impatient or too needy. a reminder that all good girls get rewarded in the end.

"all dogs go to heaven." you reply, struggling to look into his eyes.

"good girl." he purrs, releasing your pretty necklace.

joel takes a moment to drink in your current state. face flushed with embarrassment and arousal. he thought it was cute how you pretend to be ashamed of this side of yourself.

all it takes is three quick taps on his thick thighs for you to pounce on him.

"ya' make a real pretty lap dog, sweetheart." he mutters, nipping at your ear lobe and brushing a hand down your hair.

"missed you today." you whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

he didn't need you to tell him that because joel could feel now much you missed him. due to the lack of panties under your dress, his jeans were beginning to get soaked from your slick.

one thing about joel is he kisses like he wants to eat you alive. it's full of hunger. borderline cannibalistic.

a primal desire.

instead of responding with words, joel lets the two of you fall back onto the mattress. your hips start to grind down on his belt buckle while his hands squeeze your hips and ass.

joel's fingers part your lips, running up and down your slit, collecting your arousal. your back arches as he circles your hole. everything felt so right,

until your lower half is met with a sudden smack!

"uh, j-joel." you groan, coating his palm.

"stop tryin' get yourself off on my belt." he says sternly, laying down another sharp smack.

the hand on your ass moves up your back while his other hand slips two fingers past your tight velvety walls. without noticing, joel's hand inches towards your hair and yanks your head back.

"r-r-right there..." you moan, eyes screwed shut.

moving at an ungodly fast pace, joel manages to find that sweet spongey spot. the one that no one has ever taken the time to study before.

"saw you with daniel the other day by the barns." joel rambles, sounding slightly pissed. "ya'll looked awfully close."

it takes you a moment to fully understand what he meant. sure, you were hanging out with danny. he's been your friend for years now and there was nothing going on between you two.

either way, the thought of that guy being close to you set a fire in his mind. the way he touches your hair and pulls you in for a hug. things joel wishes he could do in public with you.

"danny's just a.... a f-friend!" you squeal, feeling close again.

joel chuckles from somewhere dark and deeply within his chest. the sound alone almost tips you over the edge. the worst part is joel knows it.

"a friend doesn't stare at your chest when they talk to ya'." he remarks, fighting back a groan when you sink your teeth into his collarbone.

"w-why do you even pretend to care?" you bite back with a glare.

joel almost paused but instead he went painfully slow. he knew you two weren't public for many reasons but none of them were because he didn't care about you.

in a split second, joel's other hand wraps tightly into your hair similar to before but this time his grip was rougher. the way you liked it.

"do you seriously think i don't care about you?" he asked, arching a brow at you.

every coherent thought of yours melted the second you felt a fire start in your tummy. something warm and new.

"joel..." you squirm, kicking your feet slightly with embarrassment of what might happen. "c-can't."

your eyes shut as a splash of slick follows your trembling orgasm. whimpers of joel's name and soft curses fall from your lips like scripture.

"that's my girl." he smirks. "betcha like leakin' all over your old man, huh?"

weakly, you nod. joel can tell that you're tired from your orgasm, legs still slightly shaking but that won't stop him from getting a taste of you.

"get on all fours." he instructs you with a sharp smack to your ass, without a doubt leaving a bruise.

you crawl over him, feeling his gaze on your cunt as he watches you clench around nothing. chest and stomach flat against the mattress, back arched and ass in the air. just waiting for him.

"could sit here and stare at her all day." he groans behind you. big hands roaming all over your thighs and ass.

without warning, joel sinks his teeth into the fat of your left cheek. your groans of pain and pleasure fill the room as your arousal drips onto his dark navy bedsheets.

"pleasepleaseplease, j-joel." you beg, wiggling your hips back a little. inching for his mouth. "i need—ah!"

suddenly, his warm tongue begins lapping up your slick. running the muscle through your folds before dipping inside of you. the taste reminded him of honey. sweet sweet honey.

"fuck, sweetheart." he moans into your pussy, barely lifting up to breathe. joel eats pussy like he's on death row. takes his time, covers every surface. he loves inhaling your addictive scent. "can't believe you're all mine."

mine. that's always what he says with his head between your thighs. claims you in his bedroom but forgets your name once he's outside.

"s–shut up." you hiss, finally sick of his shit.

joel pulls back quickly then spits directly onto your cunt. a loud gasp slips from your lips at the feeling.

"don't try and bite at me. i'll leave you untouched for the rest of the night while i get off here by myself." he threatens and he means it.

"s-sorry." you whimper, not wanting him to leave you.

joel goes back to feasting on you but your behavior doesn't go unnoticed by him. he knows it eats at you that he can't claim you publicly. both of you made that clear the first time he kissed you. your daddy's on the council and the town tolerated joel. no one would approve of this.

when he finally pulled off of you, leaving you wreaked and his sheets ruined. joel flips you over swiftly and gets on top of you, facing you again.

the first thing he noticed were the tears in your eyes as you tried not to look at him. joel hated seeing you like this.

"where'd those tears come from, sweet girl?" he coos, tilting your chin to get you to make eye contact with him.

you sniffle, feeling embarrassed for crying.

"it's nothin'." you reply, wrapping your legs around him. hoping that he will let this go and move on.

"tell me what's wrong."

you think about not answering or lying, but for some reason you just can't. joel listens to you take a deep breath and sigh.

"feels like one of these days, you're gonna shot me in the yard. ya' know, put me out of my misery sorta thing."

joel takes a moment to gather his thoughts. his face was unreadable to you. no real sign of emotion until you felt his left hand reach for your leg, lifting it over his shoulder slowly.

"joel, maybe we shouldn't– fuck!"

your words are cut short when his hips snap against yours. it was always a struggle to take him fully; and right now, you could feel him in your guts. the pace was rough, like joel had something to prove to you.

"no. i'm not putting ya' outta your misery or leaving ya' or any bullshit like that." he hisses, feeling your tight walls restrict his brutal pace.

you're at a lose for words. only able to moan for him. his hands play with your tits, rolling your buds between his fingers while nipping at your neck. his mouth settles right by your ear, groaning in it for a moment before speaking again.

"and i'm not fuckin' sharing you with daniel or anybody, sweetheart." his voice is dangerously low as he presses all of his weight down on you in a deliciously suffocating way. "so, cut this shit out and bark for me like the good girl you are."

once his thumb settled on your clit, rubbing in small focused circles, that's all it took for you to break.

"j-joel! shit, right t-there!" you squeal, clenching down on him.

"atta fuckin' girl." he grins, lifting up your other leg and sinking into you. "feelin' full yet? gonna let me mark ya' up? put my claim in you?"

your head was dizzy from his dirty mouth and dirtier actions. all you could do was nod and whimper against his lips.

"want me to knock ya' up?" he teases, hitting that spongy spot inside of you. the one that makes you see stars. "get ya' nice and round with my child? let the whole fuckin' town know that this old man put a baby in ya'? then would you believe that i care?"

joel couldn't be prouder then when he looks down at your fucked out face, just babbling incoherent worlds at him while nodding and staring at him like he hung the damn moon.

"w-want that, joel." you nod. "please, wanna feel you inside of me for days."

now it was joel's turn to feel flustered. your lips leave a trail of kisses on his jaw, making his cock twitch at the tenderness. for an older guy, joel still had stamina.

"don't worry, you've been a real good girl so i'll keep ya' nice and full of me." he groans, feeling you get closer to your high.

a loud pornographic moan of yours comes out when joel places his hand over your lower abdomen, feeling his imprint.

"j-joel, im gonna—"

a gush of your juices hit his pubic bone, coating the grey curly hairs there. joel doesn't take long to follow behind you, spilling ropes and ropes of his warm seed inside of you. even when you think he's done, he still manages to keep coming.

slightly overstimulated, you let your legs fall back on the sheets. joel finally pulls out, watching his cum spill out of you for a moment. two of his fingers slip inside of you, making sure it sticks.

"gonna spend all night shown you how much i care, sugar."

[thinkinonsense]

send me any joel or logan thoughts!! need to talk about them! plus any thoughts on the recent primal blurb or if it's meant to be series?<3

[thinkinonsense]

primal ✮⋆˙

joel miller x fem!reader warnings: secret relationship, smut, specifically joel from ep. 2 when he goes golfing, kinda role playing, crawling, eating it from the back (fem receiving), fingering, dog symbolism, corruption kink, possessive!joel, age gap (25 and 60's), slight manhandling, spanking, boot riding, pussy spanks, edging, hair tugging, joel talks to your pussy, jealous!joel, lots of cum, slight angst, slight breeding kink, notes: heavily inspired from the songs 'dog years' and 'safe word' by halsey and the film 'secretary'. the ending is kinda rushed.

what joel and you have together is controversial to say the least. if anyone knew the truth about what you two do late at night together, neither of you would be able to show your faces again in town.

that thought didn't make either of you want to stop it though. if anything, it made you want each other more.

it's a quarter to eight when you unlock the side door of joel's house with the key he gave you. the sun has already set in the town of jackson, letting the long day rest heavy on you. what you needed more than anything in this moment was joel.

he knows you better than anyone else ever has. taking the time to open you up and study you. finding a way to tame you.

anxiously you sat on the floor of his bedroom; waiting for joel to come home. the room is dark except for the one lamp in the corner of the room, barely creating any light.

soon enough you hear keys jingling around in the door handle downstairs and your stomach flips with excitement at every one of his loud footsteps heading your way. as he steps inside and sits on the bed, joel lets out a low whistle.

the signal.

"ah, there's my girl." he says, watching you crawl on your hands and knees over to him.

the thin straps of your dress fall lazily off of your shoulders as you make your way over to him. when your finally settled in between his legs, joel's hand lightly touches your hair and moves down to your jaw, gripping it and lifting it up.

"long day, sweetheart?" he asks, moving his thumb to tug softly at your bottom lip.

you nod into his palm.

"ain't gotta worry now. i'll take good care of ya'."

joel's thumb pushes past your lips, allowing you to suck on it freely. you obey, letting him stretch and train your mouth as he pleases. never complaining when you nibble on the digit, letting your teeth glide over it teasingly.

you always get so lost in these moments that the only thing that breaks you out of them is when joel begins to tap his foot next to you.

"get on, babydoll."

his words create a warm tingle in between your thighs. slowly you hop onto the tip of his working boots. joel's never said it aloud but he adores the way your body wraps around his leg, holding on as if he's the only thing keeping you grounded.

a tiny whimper leaves your lips when you first move, feeling the pool of slick beneath you. joel can feel the way your body trembles with each grind.

your clit catches on the lace of his boots, adding a nice bit of friction. joel takes in the scene in front of him. your left cheek pressed against the inside of his denim covered thigh, moaning sweetly for him. as much as joel enjoys watching you contort with pleasure, he also loved denying you of it.

right on the brink of ecstasy, he slides his foot out from under and you hear him mutter, "down girl."

as he's aged, joel has become less forgiving. almost too willing to put you in your place.

"p-please, please, joel." you plead, looking up at him with big round eyes.

without warning, his hand wraps around the silver cross necklace and tugs softly at it. joel's eyes were dark with power and lust.

"not yet." he grunts, toying with the necklace.

another whimper escapes you, louder than the last. joel tsks in response.

"now, what have i told ya'?" his voice was low raspy and full of weight.

you knew the phrase and what it meant. joel always made sure to remind you of it when you become impatient or too needy. a reminder that all good girls get rewarded in the end.

"all dogs go to heaven." you reply, struggling to look into his eyes.

"good girl." he purrs, releasing your pretty necklace.

joel takes a moment to drink in your current state. face flushed with embarrassment and arousal. he thought it was cute how you pretend to be ashamed of this side of yourself.

all it takes is three quick taps on his thick thighs for you to pounce on him.

"ya' make a real pretty lap dog, sweetheart." he mutters, nipping at your ear lobe and brushing a hand down your hair.

"missed you today." you whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

he didn't need you to tell him that because joel could feel now much you missed him. due to the lack of panties under your dress, his jeans were beginning to get soaked from your slick.

one thing about joel is he kisses like he wants to eat you alive. it's full of hunger. borderline cannibalistic.

a primal desire.

instead of responding with words, joel lets the two of you fall back onto the mattress. your hips start to grind down on his belt buckle while his hands squeeze your hips and ass.

joel's fingers part your lips, running up and down your slit, collecting your arousal. your back arches as he circles your hole. everything felt so right,

until your lower half is met with a sudden smack!

"uh, j-joel." you groan, coating his palm.

"stop tryin' get yourself off on my belt." he says sternly, laying down another sharp smack.

the hand on your ass moves up your back while his other hand slips two fingers past your tight velvety walls. without noticing, joel's hand inches towards your hair and yanks your head back.

"r-r-right there..." you moan, eyes screwed shut.

moving at an ungodly fast pace, joel manages to find that sweet spongey spot. the one that no one has ever taken the time to study before.

"saw you with daniel the other day by the barns." joel rambles, sounding slightly pissed. "ya'll looked awfully close."

it takes you a moment to fully understand what he meant. sure, you were hanging out with danny. he's been your friend for years now and there was nothing going on between you two.

either way, the thought of that guy being close to you set a fire in his mind. the way he touches your hair and pulls you in for a hug. things joel wishes he could do in public with you.

"danny's just a.... a f-friend!" you squeal, feeling close again.

joel chuckles from somewhere dark and deeply within his chest. the sound alone almost tips you over the edge. the worst part is joel knows it.

"a friend doesn't stare at your chest when they talk to ya'." he remarks, fighting back a groan when you sink your teeth into his collarbone.

"w-why do you even pretend to care?" you bite back with a glare.

joel almost paused but instead he went painfully slow. he knew you two weren't public for many reasons but none of them were because he didn't care about you.

in a split second, joel's other hand wraps tightly into your hair similar to before but this time his grip was rougher. the way you liked it.

"do you seriously think i don't care about you?" he asked, arching a brow at you.

every coherent thought of yours melted the second you felt a fire start in your tummy. something warm and new.

"joel..." you squirm, kicking your feet slightly with embarrassment of what might happen. "c-can't."

your eyes shut as a splash of slick follows your trembling orgasm. whimpers of joel's name and soft curses fall from your lips like scripture.

"that's my girl." he smirks. "betcha like leakin' all over your old man, huh?"

weakly, you nod. joel can tell that you're tired from your orgasm, legs still slightly shaking but that won't stop him from getting a taste of you.

"get on all fours." he instructs you with a sharp smack to your ass, without a doubt leaving a bruise.

you crawl over him, feeling his gaze on your cunt as he watches you clench around nothing. chest and stomach flat against the mattress, back arched and ass in the air. just waiting for him.

"could sit here and stare at her all day." he groans behind you. big hands roaming all over your thighs and ass.

without warning, joel sinks his teeth into the fat of your left cheek. your groans of pain and pleasure fill the room as your arousal drips onto his dark navy bedsheets.

"pleasepleaseplease, j-joel." you beg, wiggling your hips back a little. inching for his mouth. "i need—ah!"

suddenly, his warm tongue begins lapping up your slick. running the muscle through your folds before dipping inside of you. the taste reminded him of honey. sweet sweet honey.

"fuck, sweetheart." he moans into your pussy, barely lifting up to breathe. joel eats pussy like he's on death row. takes his time, covers every surface. he loves inhaling your addictive scent. "can't believe you're all mine."

mine. that's always what he says with his head between your thighs. claims you in his bedroom but forgets your name once he's outside.

"s–shut up." you hiss, finally sick of his shit.

joel pulls back quickly then spits directly onto your cunt. a loud gasp slips from your lips at the feeling.

"don't try and bite at me. i'll leave you untouched for the rest of the night while i get off here by myself." he threatens and he means it.

"s-sorry." you whimper, not wanting him to leave you.

joel goes back to feasting on you but your behavior doesn't go unnoticed by him. he knows it eats at you that he can't claim you publicly. both of you made that clear the first time he kissed you. your daddy's on the council and the town tolerated joel. no one would approve of this.

when he finally pulled off of you, leaving you wreaked and his sheets ruined. joel flips you over swiftly and gets on top of you, facing you again.

the first thing he noticed were the tears in your eyes as you tried not to look at him. joel hated seeing you like this.

"where'd those tears come from, sweet girl?" he coos, tilting your chin to get you to make eye contact with him.

you sniffle, feeling embarrassed for crying.

"it's nothin'." you reply, wrapping your legs around him. hoping that he will let this go and move on.

"tell me what's wrong."

you think about not answering or lying, but for some reason you just can't. joel listens to you take a deep breath and sigh.

"feels like one of these days, you're gonna shot me in the yard. ya' know, put me out of my misery sorta thing."

joel takes a moment to gather his thoughts. his face was unreadable to you. no real sign of emotion until you felt his left hand reach for your leg, lifting it over his shoulder slowly.

"joel, maybe we shouldn't– fuck!"

your words are cut short when his hips snap against yours. it was always a struggle to take him fully; and right now, you could feel him in your guts. the pace was rough, like joel had something to prove to you.

"no. i'm not putting ya' outta your misery or leaving ya' or any bullshit like that." he hisses, feeling your tight walls restrict his brutal pace.

you're at a lose for words. only able to moan for him. his hands play with your tits, rolling your buds between his fingers while nipping at your neck. his mouth settles right by your ear, groaning in it for a moment before speaking again.

"and i'm not fuckin' sharing you with daniel or anybody, sweetheart." his voice is dangerously low as he presses all of his weight down on you in a deliciously suffocating way. "so, cut this shit out and bark for me like the good girl you are."

once his thumb settled on your clit, rubbing in small focused circles, that's all it took for you to break.

"j-joel! shit, right t-there!" you squeal, clenching down on him.

"atta fuckin' girl." he grins, lifting up your other leg and sinking into you. "feelin' full yet? gonna let me mark ya' up? put my claim in you?"

your head was dizzy from his dirty mouth and dirtier actions. all you could do was nod and whimper against his lips.

"want me to knock ya' up?" he teases, hitting that spongy spot inside of you. the one that makes you see stars. "get ya' nice and round with my child? let the whole fuckin' town know that this old man put a baby in ya'? then would you believe that i care?"

joel couldn't be prouder then when he looks down at your fucked out face, just babbling incoherent worlds at him while nodding and staring at him like he hung the damn moon.

"w-want that, joel." you nod. "please, wanna feel you inside of me for days."

now it was joel's turn to feel flustered. your lips leave a trail of kisses on his jaw, making his cock twitch at the tenderness. for an older guy, joel still had stamina.

"don't worry, you've been a real good girl so i'll keep ya' nice and full of me." he groans, feeling you get closer to your high.

a loud pornographic moan of yours comes out when joel places his hand over your lower abdomen, feeling his imprint.

"j-joel, im gonna—"

a gush of your juices hit his pubic bone, coating the grey curly hairs there. joel doesn't take long to follow behind you, spilling ropes and ropes of his warm seed inside of you. even when you think he's done, he still manages to keep coming.

slightly overstimulated, you let your legs fall back on the sheets. joel finally pulls out, watching his cum spill out of you for a moment. two of his fingers slip inside of you, making sure it sticks.

"gonna spend all night shown you how much i care, sugar."

[thinkinonsense]

my goodness i just clicked on your account and tumblr showed me an error warning and said “this account has no content“ (or sth like it) and my heart dropped :(

everything’s fine now tho, i can see your stuff again but i was genuinely mourning your blog for a few milliseconds

omg!! i would've sobbed if i lost everything! but thank you sweetie! i'm so lucky to have people like you that appreciate my work <3

[thinkinonsense]

— one of joel's favorite things to do when you are acting up is to take you over his knee. he's got both of your hands held behind your back in a tight grip. "always actin' up, huh?" he would grunt, lifting up your skirt and pulling your soaked cotton panties down and around your ankle. "can't fuckin' take ya' anywhere." slowly, he runs the tip of his finger through your slick folds, teasing you until your whining and chasing his touch. "p-please, joel." you whimper. "ya' not s'pose to be enjoying' this shit." he chuckles darkly, teasing your clit in slow sloppy circles. joel was right. you weren't supposed to be enjoying your punishment. slick sticks to your thighs, dripping down onto joel's worn out old denim jeans. right as you push back on him again, you're met with the cold rough palm of his hand smacking your pussy. "a-ah, fuck!" you yelp, letting out a muffled moan. "ya' like when i spank that pretty little clit of yours?" he asked, watching as you nod your head. "need ya' to say it, sweetheart." another strike lands on your throbbing core. "y-yes!" you yelp. "i like it!" as a reward, joel finally slips a finger inside of your velvety soft walls. like a cat, you arch your back and purr in response. what started out slow and tender soon became fast and rough. two thick fingers hammering in on that spongey spot that makes your eyes roll back into your skull. " 's too f-fast!" you whine, shaking from how intense joel's movements were. if he didn't slow down soon, you didn't know how your body would respond; legs already unable to move on their own. "p-please! 'm so c-close." you beg. "c'mon, sweetheart." he coaxed in that thick heavy accent of his, feeling your walls tighten around his thick fingers. "i know you can do it, atta girl." it felt like an out of body experience that made your toes curl. joel scissors his fingers inside still until you've given him everything. legs still twitching as you come down.

a/n: my semester is over and i have a new old man to obsess over!! send me any joel ideas you have <3

[thinkinonsense]

if it's meant to be.

joel miller x fem!reader

masterlist — next chapter

summary: joel begins to settle in jackson when he meets a young widow on the second anniversary of her husbands death. he didn't plan to befriend her, let alone fall for her but when he sees a reflection of grief and love in her that he carries within himself, he can't help it.

warnings: slow burn, grief, mentions of death, cursing. some characters might feel slightly ooc, mentions of religion, half canon/ half not canon, nicknames, fleetwood mac mention, mentions of fertility and parenthood

chapter one: are you going to heaven?

every anniversary, you somehow find it within yourself to go to the graveyard. three rows back, five spots from the right; there he was. a small stone with your husbands name scratched in it.

the house feels haunted, you once told your friend, maria. for months, no one saw you leave your home. some of the people in the small town would come check on you, but that was two years ago. by now the wound should be healed, right?

“c’mon, sweet pea.” maria yelled, knocking on your door. “let me in! janice said she saw you leave this mornin’!”

"damn that old nosy lady." you mumble under your breath.

with a loud groan, you roll out of bed and make your way downstairs. only dressed in henry's clothes, a pair of boxers and a flannel shirt. even though the scent of him is gone, you can't find it in your heart to send them to donation.

“i'm alive, maria.” you answer, standing behind the door. “isn't that enough?”

the woman on the other side sighs. “you know we just don't want you to be alone today.”

reluctantly, you open the door and peak your head out.

“tommy took some flowers to henry's spot this morning. he said you always leave prettier ones than us.” maria smiles.

“there just the ones i grow in the garden every year.” you shrug.

maria’s heart ached for you. so young and already lost so much. eyes full of sorrow still mourning the man you had adored. henry and tommy worked together as fireflies for a while before tommy left them. the two were close friends before his passing.

“you should join us tonight at the town hall party.” she suggests. “i think dina would like to see you there.”

a small chuckle slips from your lips. “that little shit came in earlier with her key and made herself a sandwich.”

dina never caused you or henry any trouble. one day she just appeared and grew to you two like another limb. she was the only person who knew the pain you went through. some nights you would wake up sobbing from dreams of what almost was and what will never be. there were drunken nights where maria found you the next morning, slumped over in your bathroom with an empty glass in your hand. dina stayed with you for months, worried to leave you alone. the community of jackson did as much as they could to help but the ache never fully went away.

a beat passes and you sigh. “i guess, i’ll be there.”

happily, she walks off to get back to work. once the door closes, that sinking feeling returns.

joel didn’t know the first thing about the town of jackson, nor the people in it. women would admire him from afar but he was too worried about ellie to notice; especially on a day like today.

“she's fine, old man.” tommy chuckles, watching joel stare out the window at ellie and a group of teens around her age.

“just wanna make sure she ain't gettin’ in any trouble.” joel huffs, returning back to his breakfast.

tommy shakes his head at his worried brother. this side of joel reminded him of life before the outbreak.

“where's maria at?” joel asked, changing the subject.

“checkin’ in on an old friend of ours.” he replies almost in a somber way. “todays the anniversary of her husbands passing.”

“jesus.” joel exhales, not expecting that. “how did her husband pass? infected?”

tommy nods. “he went out for patrol and it went south. poor bride saw his head get blown off by some officers.”

'poor bride' was an understatement, joel thought. he still remembers what it was like to lose sarah. the wound gets easier to manage but it never fully heals.

" 's a real shame. henry was a good man." his younger brother sighs. "they'd been together since he showed up here in jackson seven years ago..."

whatever story tommy was about to tell about the dead man was interrupted when maria walked in. joel still couldn't believe how tommy looks at her she hung the moon and individually picked every fucking star in the night sky.

"morning, joel." maria says, taking a seat next to tommy.

"mornin'." he nods, politely.

as the couple catches up, something in the window captures joel's attention. two women on the sidewalk were talking together, one older and one younger. the older one seems to be doing most of the talking while the younger just nods along. she's dressed half hazardously in a pair on men's boxers as shorts and flannel about two sizes too big for her.

the woman was pretty, joel had to admit. soft features and eyes that shined.

"... she said she would show up tonight but who knows?" is all joel seems to have caught from the conversation between maria and tommy.

instead of trying to figure out who they were talking about, joel leans forward a little onto the table to get a better look at the women outside; but by then, it was too late. both of them had disappeared.

"joel? did you hear me?" tommy asked, snapping joel out of his thoughts.

"um, yeah, yeah... seven o'clock." joel guessed.

seven o'clock came around and you somehow made it down to town hall with a fresh baked pumpkin pie in your hands. the leaves in jackson were just beginning to change colors into different shades of brown and orange.

town hall was packed with just about everyone in jackson. kids played outside, chasing each other in the yard.

"oh! there she is!" you hear dina cheer when she sees you walk through the doors. her arms wrap around your waist, brushing against the white slip dress and henry's old leather jacket you had on. "pretty dress ya' got on."

"it better be." you chuckle. "costs me three jars of my homemade jam."

the two of you laugh until you spot maria and tommy at one of the tables. dina seemed too occupied with a brunette girl across the room anyways. politely, you excuse yourself and promise to catch up later.

"mind if i join ya'?" you ask, spooking maria who didn't expect to see your face here tonight.

"i'm glad you showed up tonight." she smiles, offering you the seat next to her.

"only came to remind tommy that he needs to come fix my heater again. winter will be here soon and i don't know why it keeps breaking."

there was a dry chuckle coming from behind you.

"it keeps breakin' cause tommy is the one 'fixing' it." a southern accent from behind announces. your gaze follows the sound until it leads you to the older man in front of you.

the mysterious man looked down at you almost like he had seen someone familiar. for an older man, he sure was handsome. looked rough around the edges, unlike the boyish charm you were usually drawn towards.

"and that pain in my ass would be my older brother, joel." tommy says, shaking his head.

"sweet pea, this is joel." maria introduces us. "joel, this is sweet pea."

there's a beat of silence between the two of you; almost like one is afraid to scare off the other.

finally, you speak up. "nice to meet you, joel."

"pleasure to meet you, sweet pea." he mutters, offering you his hand to shake.

joel regretted as soon as he felt your velvety touch. you don't fail to notice all the scars and callouses that covered his hand either. he must enjoy working with his hands, you thought to yourself.

luckily for the both of you, jane and chris call for everyone's attention up front. three small taps against their glasses and everyone turned.

"tonight, we want to come together to celebrate our community's fallen hero's..." chris announces.

for a moment, you're flashed back to two years ago. everyone heard the emergency call over the radios. infected.

"t-tommy, tell me it's not my henry."

the words came out in broken sobs near the gate. on the other side, you couldn't even begin to imagine what was happening. instead you are stuck here.

tommy avoids your watercolored eyes because he knows the truth. he leaves you there to go back out but when the gate opens again, you make a run for it. behind you, tommy's voice of warning shouted at you to stay away from henry but you didn't listen. the closer you got, the less he looked like your henry.

"henry!" you call out.

it happened so quick. one moment he charges at you and the next, sheriff carter's bullet shot straight through henry's temple until it came out the end. his blood splattered on your face and torso, marking you with the only thing left of him.

that night, dina and maria helped you clean henry's blood from your body and clothes. in the weeks that followed, tommy heard your screams from that day echo in his head every night while he slept. both of you were left replaying henry's final moments in your heads. tommy let you sob in his arms for hours, him and maria were both too afraid to leave you alone.

as the months passed by, the clouds around you only grew darker. you weren't sleeping or eating, the only people you would talk to were dina, maria, and your therapist, gail. it took a long time to open up to the idea of therapy. even now, you aren't entirely sure that it's done much help.

henry's name barely registered in your mind; nor did maria's voice calling your name.

"i need some air." you mumble, getting up and walking out the door.

on your way out, you snag a bottle of whiskey off one of the tables. a moment of awkwardness falls over everyone as the door slams shut behind you. joel watches as the young girl with ellie tries to go after you but maria stops her.

"she just needs a minute." his sister in-law tells the young girl.

once jane and chris continued, joel slipped out the door. he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to check on you. told himself that he would just make sure you were okay.

well, that was until you heard his footsteps.

"i'm fine, dina." you sniffle, placing the cap back on the bottle.

"sorry, i ain't dina." he mutters awkwardly, shifting on his feet.

the accent makes you turn around. tommy's brother stood a good distance away with his hands stuck in his pockets. there's an unreadable expression on his face.

"oh, s-sorry." you apologize, wiping a few fallen tears from your face. "i didn't know someone was out here. i was just about to go home."

"you don't um, you don't have to leave." he tells you, stopping any movement.

you offer him a small nod. "promise, i'm not usually a mess."

"didn't take you as one." joel replies, leaning against the railing.

"i wish they would all stop with these parties on the anniversary of his death. feels like their mocking me."

the two of you stare ahead at one of the old faded billboards that you've stared at countless times over the years. are you going to heaven?

"that's such a silly question. 'are you going to heaven?'" you giggle, a little tipsy from the whiskey.

"well, are ya'?" joel asked, almost jokingly.

"i gotta." you admit. "only chance i have at seeing henry again."

if anyone knew what you meant, it was joel.

"see that over there?" you ask him.

joel's eyes followed your index finger to what looked like might've once been a church.

"for years, i sat front row in those pews. even got married there." a small sigh escaped you as you recall the memories. "now i'm not so sure why i did any of it to begin with."

"born into it?" joel asked.

you nod. "daddy used to be a preacher but that was many moons ago, before the outbreak."

"you from jackson?"

"born in california but all i remember is jackson. came here for safety. for all i know, i could be the only girl alive from california."

a moment passes the two of you by. only the noise from inside the building can barely be heard.

"tommy's told me a lot about you, ya' know?" you tell him, breaking the silence.

joel almost winces at your statement, worried that tommy had nothing good to say about him.

"he's told me a bit about you too." he says, hoping to avoid any talk about himself.

you laugh dryly. "lemme guess.... did the words 'poor bride' come about?"

joel stays silent, immediately answering your question. he almost feels embarrassed that he doesn't answer, not wanting to hurt your feelings.

in a small voice, barely audible you mumble. "promise that i'm more than just a grieving widow."

for a moment, joel almost saw a mirrored reflection of his grief over his own daughter, sarah. despite all the years that have passed the hole in his heart was still there.

"you ever lost someone important to ya'?" you ask, looking up at him with puffy eyes and lips.

he nods and takes a deep breath. "years ago i lost my daughter."

"what was her name?"

"sarah."

"you're the poet of my heart." you hum an old familiar tune. one that joel hasn't heard in decades. a small smile crosses him.

"what was she like?" you asked.

"perfect." he replies without hesitation. "she was smart, smarter than anyone i ever met. too sweet for her own good."

"i bet she was."

"what about henry?"

you sigh. "henry had his flaws but even on his worst days, he always put me first. made me feel cared for and special. i don't think ill ever find a love like that again."

"don't count yourself out so soon." joel says earnestly. "you're young still."

"all my friends here are already married and have kids runnin' around while im here reliving memory's in my head that i'll never get back."

"being a parent isn't always all it's cracked up to be." he says, hoping to make you feel better.

"probably but at least i wouldn't be stuck daydreamin' about it."

the door swings open and maria walks out, joining the two of you.

"hey, you alright sweet pea?" she asked, rubbing your arm.

"yeah." you give her a smile. "joel here is keeping me company."

joel? her face read surprised. she gives him a look that you can't quite see but he shrugs sheepishly.

"he's been talkin' my ear off. told me some stories about growing up with tommy." you lie, hiding the depressing conversation the two of you shared in private together.

"told her tommy can't fix shit." he muttered, following along with your tale.

"maybe you can go fix sweet peas heater? let ellie breath for once." maria suggest.

"oh, he doesn't have to–"

joel cuts you off.

"i can look at it tomorrow, if ya' aren't busy."

"never am." you admit.

in the blink of an eye, a light snow began falling. the children outside cheer with excitement. you take it as a queue to return home.

"i'm gonna head home." you announce. "can you tell jane that i don't want that damn plaque?"

maria nods her head then pulls you in for a hug.

"have a good night." she says as you pull away.

"you too."

as you turn to joel, he's already looking at you. waiting for you.

"see you tomorrow, joel."

"see ya' tomorrow, sweet pea."

—tags: @lowrisemiller @imsherlocked-1998 @vvitchesh3x @chrrypascal @dugiioh @havensucks @olsenscardigan @sadgirlcait

[thinkinonsense]

if it's meant to be.

joel miller x fem!reader

masterlist — next chapter

summary: joel begins to settle in jackson when he meets a young widow on the second anniversary of her husbands death. he didn't plan to befriend her, let alone fall for her but when he sees a reflection of grief and love in her that he carries within himself, he can't help it.

warnings: slow burn, grief, mentions of death, cursing. some characters might feel slightly ooc, mentions of religion, half canon/ half not canon, nicknames, fleetwood mac mention, mentions of fertility and parenthood

chapter one: are you going to heaven?

every anniversary, you somehow find it within yourself to go to the graveyard. three rows back, five spots from the right; there he was. a small stone with your husbands name scratched in it.

the house feels haunted, you once told your friend, maria. for months, no one saw you leave your home. some of the people in the small town would come check on you, but that was two years ago. by now the wound should be healed, right?

“c’mon, sweet pea.” maria yelled, knocking on your door. “let me in! janice said she saw you leave this mornin’!”

"damn that old nosy lady." you mumble under your breath.

with a loud groan, you roll out of bed and make your way downstairs. only dressed in henry's clothes, a pair of boxers and a flannel shirt. even though the scent of him is gone, you can't find it in your heart to send them to donation.

“i'm alive, maria.” you answer, standing behind the door. “isn't that enough?”

the woman on the other side sighs. “you know we just don't want you to be alone today.”

reluctantly, you open the door and peak your head out.

“tommy took some flowers to henry's spot this morning. he said you always leave prettier ones than us.” maria smiles.

“there just the ones i grow in the garden every year.” you shrug.

maria’s heart ached for you. so young and already lost so much. eyes full of sorrow still mourning the man you had adored. henry and tommy worked together as fireflies for a while before tommy left them. the two were close friends before his passing.

“you should join us tonight at the town hall party.” she suggests. “i think dina would like to see you there.”

a small chuckle slips from your lips. “that little shit came in earlier with her key and made herself a sandwich.”

dina never caused you or henry any trouble. one day she just appeared and grew to you two like another limb. she was the only person who knew the pain you went through. some nights you would wake up sobbing from dreams of what almost was and what will never be. there were drunken nights where maria found you the next morning, slumped over in your bathroom with an empty glass in your hand. dina stayed with you for months, worried to leave you alone. the community of jackson did as much as they could to help but the ache never fully went away.

a beat passes and you sigh. “i guess, i’ll be there.”

happily, she walks off to get back to work. once the door closes, that sinking feeling returns.

joel didn’t know the first thing about the town of jackson, nor the people in it. women would admire him from afar but he was too worried about ellie to notice; especially on a day like today.

“she's fine, old man.” tommy chuckles, watching joel stare out the window at ellie and a group of teens around her age.

“just wanna make sure she ain't gettin’ in any trouble.” joel huffs, returning back to his breakfast.

tommy shakes his head at his worried brother. this side of joel reminded him of life before the outbreak.

“where's maria at?” joel asked, changing the subject.

“checkin’ in on an old friend of ours.” he replies almost in a somber way. “todays the anniversary of her husbands passing.”

“jesus.” joel exhales, not expecting that. “how did her husband pass? infected?”

tommy nods. “he went out for patrol and it went south. poor bride saw his head get blown off by some officers.”

'poor bride' was an understatement, joel thought. he still remembers what it was like to lose sarah. the wound gets easier to manage but it never fully heals.

" 's a real shame. henry was a good man." his younger brother sighs. "they'd been together since he showed up here in jackson seven years ago..."

whatever story tommy was about to tell about the dead man was interrupted when maria walked in. joel still couldn't believe how tommy looks at her she hung the moon and individually picked every fucking star in the night sky.

"morning, joel." maria says, taking a seat next to tommy.

"mornin'." he nods, politely.

as the couple catches up, something in the window captures joel's attention. two women on the sidewalk were talking together, one older and one younger. the older one seems to be doing most of the talking while the younger just nods along. she's dressed half hazardously in a pair on men's boxers as shorts and flannel about two sizes too big for her.

the woman was pretty, joel had to admit. soft features and eyes that shined.

"... she said she would show up tonight but who knows?" is all joel seems to have caught from the conversation between maria and tommy.

instead of trying to figure out who they were talking about, joel leans forward a little onto the table to get a better look at the women outside; but by then, it was too late. both of them had disappeared.

"joel? did you hear me?" tommy asked, snapping joel out of his thoughts.

"um, yeah, yeah... seven o'clock." joel guessed.

seven o'clock came around and you somehow made it down to town hall with a fresh baked pumpkin pie in your hands. the leaves in jackson were just beginning to change colors into different shades of brown and orange.

town hall was packed with just about everyone in jackson. kids played outside, chasing each other in the yard.

"oh! there she is!" you hear dina cheer when she sees you walk through the doors. her arms wrap around your waist, brushing against the white slip dress and henry's old leather jacket you had on. "pretty dress ya' got on."

"it better be." you chuckle. "costs me three jars of my homemade jam."

the two of you laugh until you spot maria and tommy at one of the tables. dina seemed too occupied with a brunette girl across the room anyways. politely, you excuse yourself and promise to catch up later.

"mind if i join ya'?" you ask, spooking maria who didn't expect to see your face here tonight.

"i'm glad you showed up tonight." she smiles, offering you the seat next to her.

"only came to remind tommy that he needs to come fix my heater again. winter will be here soon and i don't know why it keeps breaking."

there was a dry chuckle coming from behind you.

"it keeps breakin' cause tommy is the one 'fixing' it." a southern accent from behind announces. your gaze follows the sound until it leads you to the older man in front of you.

the mysterious man looked down at you almost like he had seen someone familiar. for an older man, he sure was handsome. looked rough around the edges, unlike the boyish charm you were usually drawn towards.

"and that pain in my ass would be my older brother, joel." tommy says, shaking his head.

"sweet pea, this is joel." maria introduces us. "joel, this is sweet pea."

there's a beat of silence between the two of you; almost like one is afraid to scare off the other.

finally, you speak up. "nice to meet you, joel."

"pleasure to meet you, sweet pea." he mutters, offering you his hand to shake.

joel regretted as soon as he felt your velvety touch. you don't fail to notice all the scars and callouses that covered his hand either. he must enjoy working with his hands, you thought to yourself.

luckily for the both of you, jane and chris call for everyone's attention up front. three small taps against their glasses and everyone turned.

"tonight, we want to come together to celebrate our community's fallen hero's..." chris announces.

for a moment, you're flashed back to two years ago. everyone heard the emergency call over the radios. infected.

"t-tommy, tell me it's not my henry."

the words came out in broken sobs near the gate. on the other side, you couldn't even begin to imagine what was happening. instead you are stuck here.

tommy avoids your watercolored eyes because he knows the truth. he leaves you there to go back out but when the gate opens again, you make a run for it. behind you, tommy's voice of warning shouted at you to stay away from henry but you didn't listen. the closer you got, the less he looked like your henry.

"henry!" you call out.

it happened so quick. one moment he charges at you and the next, sheriff carter's bullet shot straight through henry's temple until it came out the end. his blood splattered on your face and torso, marking you with the only thing left of him.

that night, dina and maria helped you clean henry's blood from your body and clothes. in the weeks that followed, tommy heard your screams from that day echo in his head every night while he slept. both of you were left replaying henry's final moments in your heads. tommy let you sob in his arms for hours, him and maria were both too afraid to leave you alone.

as the months passed by, the clouds around you only grew darker. you weren't sleeping or eating, the only people you would talk to were dina, maria, and your therapist, gail. it took a long time to open up to the idea of therapy. even now, you aren't entirely sure that it's done much help.

henry's name barely registered in your mind; nor did maria's voice calling your name.

"i need some air." you mumble, getting up and walking out the door.

on your way out, you snag a bottle of whiskey off one of the tables. a moment of awkwardness falls over everyone as the door slams shut behind you. joel watches as the young girl with ellie tries to go after you but maria stops her.

"she just needs a minute." his sister in-law tells the young girl.

once jane and chris continued, joel slipped out the door. he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to check on you. told himself that he would just make sure you were okay.

well, that was until you heard his footsteps.

"i'm fine, dina." you sniffle, placing the cap back on the bottle.

"sorry, i ain't dina." he mutters awkwardly, shifting on his feet.

the accent makes you turn around. tommy's brother stood a good distance away with his hands stuck in his pockets. there's an unreadable expression on his face.

"oh, s-sorry." you apologize, wiping a few fallen tears from your face. "i didn't know someone was out here. i was just about to go home."

"you don't um, you don't have to leave." he tells you, stopping any movement.

you offer him a small nod. "promise, i'm not usually a mess."

"didn't take you as one." joel replies, leaning against the railing.

"i wish they would all stop with these parties on the anniversary of his death. feels like their mocking me."

the two of you stare ahead at one of the old faded billboards that you've stared at countless times over the years. are you going to heaven?

"that's such a silly question. 'are you going to heaven?'" you giggle, a little tipsy from the whiskey.

"well, are ya'?" joel asked, almost jokingly.

"i gotta." you admit. "only chance i have at seeing henry again."

if anyone knew what you meant, it was joel.

"see that over there?" you ask him.

joel's eyes followed your index finger to what looked like might've once been a church.

"for years, i sat front row in those pews. even got married there." a small sigh escaped you as you recall the memories. "now i'm not so sure why i did any of it to begin with."

"born into it?" joel asked.

you nod. "daddy used to be a preacher but that was many moons ago, before the outbreak."

"you from jackson?"

"born in california but all i remember is jackson. came here for safety. for all i know, i could be the only girl alive from california."

a moment passes the two of you by. only the noise from inside the building can barely be heard.

"tommy's told me a lot about you, ya' know?" you tell him, breaking the silence.

joel almost winces at your statement, worried that tommy had nothing good to say about him.

"he's told me a bit about you too." he says, hoping to avoid any talk about himself.

you laugh dryly. "lemme guess.... did the words 'poor bride' come about?"

joel stays silent, immediately answering your question. he almost feels embarrassed that he doesn't answer, not wanting to hurt your feelings.

in a small voice, barely audible you mumble. "promise that i'm more than just a grieving widow."

for a moment, joel almost saw a mirrored reflection of his grief over his own daughter, sarah. despite all the years that have passed the hole in his heart was still there.

"you ever lost someone important to ya'?" you ask, looking up at him with puffy eyes and lips.

he nods and takes a deep breath. "years ago i lost my daughter."

"what was her name?"

"sarah."

"you're the poet of my heart." you hum an old familiar tune. one that joel hasn't heard in decades. a small smile crosses him.

"what was she like?" you asked.

"perfect." he replies without hesitation. "she was smart, smarter than anyone i ever met. too sweet for her own good."

"i bet she was."

"what about henry?"

you sigh. "henry had his flaws but even on his worst days, he always put me first. made me feel cared for and special. i don't think ill ever find a love like that again."

"don't count yourself out so soon." joel says earnestly. "you're young still."

"all my friends here are already married and have kids runnin' around while im here reliving memory's in my head that i'll never get back."

"being a parent isn't always all it's cracked up to be." he says, hoping to make you feel better.

"probably but at least i wouldn't be stuck daydreamin' about it."

the door swings open and maria walks out, joining the two of you.

"hey, you alright sweet pea?" she asked, rubbing your arm.

"yeah." you give her a smile. "joel here is keeping me company."

joel? her face read surprised. she gives him a look that you can't quite see but he shrugs sheepishly.

"he's been talkin' my ear off. told me some stories about growing up with tommy." you lie, hiding the depressing conversation the two of you shared in private together.

"told her tommy can't fix shit." he muttered, following along with your tale.

"maybe you can go fix sweet peas heater? let ellie breath for once." maria suggest.

"oh, he doesn't have to–"

joel cuts you off.

"i can look at it tomorrow, if ya' aren't busy."

"never am." you admit.

in the blink of an eye, a light snow began falling. the children outside cheer with excitement. you take it as a queue to return home.

"i'm gonna head home." you announce. "can you tell jane that i don't want that damn plaque?"

maria nods her head then pulls you in for a hug.

"have a good night." she says as you pull away.

"you too."

as you turn to joel, he's already looking at you. waiting for you.

"see you tomorrow, joel."

"see ya' tomorrow, sweet pea."

—tags: @lowrisemiller @imsherlocked-1998 @vvitchesh3x @chrrypascal @dugiioh @havensucks @olsenscardigan @sadgirlcait

[thinkinonsense]

sel, twenty-two, she/her, queer

masterlist⟡

currently writing for: logan howlett/wolverine, joel miller, natasha romanoff/black widow, lottie matthews

[thinkinonsense]

if it's meant to be.

joel miller x fem!reader

masterlist — next chapter

summary: joel begins to settle in jackson when he meets a young widow on the second anniversary of her husbands death. he didn't plan to befriend her, let alone fall for her but when he sees a reflection of grief and love in her that he carries within himself, he can't help it.

warnings: slow burn, grief, mentions of death, cursing. some characters might feel slightly ooc, mentions of religion, half canon/ half not canon, nicknames, fleetwood mac mention, mentions of fertility and parenthood

chapter one: are you going to heaven?

every anniversary, you somehow find it within yourself to go to the graveyard. three rows back, five spots from the right; there he was. a small stone with your husbands name scratched in it.

the house feels haunted, you once told your friend, maria. for months, no one saw you leave your home. some of the people in the small town would come check on you, but that was two years ago. by now the wound should be healed, right?

“c’mon, sweet pea.” maria yelled, knocking on your door. “let me in! janice said she saw you leave this mornin’!”

"damn that old nosy lady." you mumble under your breath.

with a loud groan, you roll out of bed and make your way downstairs. only dressed in henry's clothes, a pair of boxers and a flannel shirt. even though the scent of him is gone, you can't find it in your heart to send them to donation.

“i'm alive, maria.” you answer, standing behind the door. “isn't that enough?”

the woman on the other side sighs. “you know we just don't want you to be alone today.”

reluctantly, you open the door and peak your head out.

“tommy took some flowers to henry's spot this morning. he said you always leave prettier ones than us.” maria smiles.

“there just the ones i grow in the garden every year.” you shrug.

maria’s heart ached for you. so young and already lost so much. eyes full of sorrow still mourning the man you had adored. henry and tommy worked together as fireflies for a while before tommy left them. the two were close friends before his passing.

“you should join us tonight at the town hall party.” she suggests. “i think dina would like to see you there.”

a small chuckle slips from your lips. “that little shit came in earlier with her key and made herself a sandwich.”

dina never caused you or henry any trouble. one day she just appeared and grew to you two like another limb. she was the only person who knew the pain you went through. some nights you would wake up sobbing from dreams of what almost was and what will never be. there were drunken nights where maria found you the next morning, slumped over in your bathroom with an empty glass in your hand. dina stayed with you for months, worried to leave you alone. the community of jackson did as much as they could to help but the ache never fully went away.

a beat passes and you sigh. “i guess, i’ll be there.”

happily, she walks off to get back to work. once the door closes, that sinking feeling returns.

joel didn’t know the first thing about the town of jackson, nor the people in it. women would admire him from afar but he was too worried about ellie to notice; especially on a day like today.

“she's fine, old man.” tommy chuckles, watching joel stare out the window at ellie and a group of teens around her age.

“just wanna make sure she ain't gettin’ in any trouble.” joel huffs, returning back to his breakfast.

tommy shakes his head at his worried brother. this side of joel reminded him of life before the outbreak.

“where's maria at?” joel asked, changing the subject.

“checkin’ in on an old friend of ours.” he replies almost in a somber way. “todays the anniversary of her husbands passing.”

“jesus.” joel exhales, not expecting that. “how did her husband pass? infected?”

tommy nods. “he went out for patrol and it went south. poor bride saw his head get blown off by some officers.”

'poor bride' was an understatement, joel thought. he still remembers what it was like to lose sarah. the wound gets easier to manage but it never fully heals.

" 's a real shame. henry was a good man." his younger brother sighs. "they'd been together since he showed up here in jackson seven years ago..."

whatever story tommy was about to tell about the dead man was interrupted when maria walked in. joel still couldn't believe how tommy looks at her she hung the moon and individually picked every fucking star in the night sky.

"morning, joel." maria says, taking a seat next to tommy.

"mornin'." he nods, politely.

as the couple catches up, something in the window captures joel's attention. two women on the sidewalk were talking together, one older and one younger. the older one seems to be doing most of the talking while the younger just nods along. she's dressed half hazardously in a pair on men's boxers as shorts and flannel about two sizes too big for her.

the woman was pretty, joel had to admit. soft features and eyes that shined.

"... she said she would show up tonight but who knows?" is all joel seems to have caught from the conversation between maria and tommy.

instead of trying to figure out who they were talking about, joel leans forward a little onto the table to get a better look at the women outside; but by then, it was too late. both of them had disappeared.

"joel? did you hear me?" tommy asked, snapping joel out of his thoughts.

"um, yeah, yeah... seven o'clock." joel guessed.

seven o'clock came around and you somehow made it down to town hall with a fresh baked pumpkin pie in your hands. the leaves in jackson were just beginning to change colors into different shades of brown and orange.

town hall was packed with just about everyone in jackson. kids played outside, chasing each other in the yard.

"oh! there she is!" you hear dina cheer when she sees you walk through the doors. her arms wrap around your waist, brushing against the white slip dress and henry's old leather jacket you had on. "pretty dress ya' got on."

"it better be." you chuckle. "costs me three jars of my homemade jam."

the two of you laugh until you spot maria and tommy at one of the tables. dina seemed too occupied with a brunette girl across the room anyways. politely, you excuse yourself and promise to catch up later.

"mind if i join ya'?" you ask, spooking maria who didn't expect to see your face here tonight.

"i'm glad you showed up tonight." she smiles, offering you the seat next to her.

"only came to remind tommy that he needs to come fix my heater again. winter will be here soon and i don't know why it keeps breaking."

there was a dry chuckle coming from behind you.

"it keeps breakin' cause tommy is the one 'fixing' it." a southern accent from behind announces. your gaze follows the sound until it leads you to the older man in front of you.

the mysterious man looked down at you almost like he had seen someone familiar. for an older man, he sure was handsome. looked rough around the edges, unlike the boyish charm you were usually drawn towards.

"and that pain in my ass would be my older brother, joel." tommy says, shaking his head.

"sweet pea, this is joel." maria introduces us. "joel, this is sweet pea."

there's a beat of silence between the two of you; almost like one is afraid to scare off the other.

finally, you speak up. "nice to meet you, joel."

"pleasure to meet you, sweet pea." he mutters, offering you his hand to shake.

joel regretted as soon as he felt your velvety touch. you don't fail to notice all the scars and callouses that covered his hand either. he must enjoy working with his hands, you thought to yourself.

luckily for the both of you, jane and chris call for everyone's attention up front. three small taps against their glasses and everyone turned.

"tonight, we want to come together to celebrate our community's fallen hero's..." chris announces.

for a moment, you're flashed back to two years ago. everyone heard the emergency call over the radios. infected.

"t-tommy, tell me it's not my henry."

the words came out in broken sobs near the gate. on the other side, you couldn't even begin to imagine what was happening. instead you are stuck here.

tommy avoids your watercolored eyes because he knows the truth. he leaves you there to go back out but when the gate opens again, you make a run for it. behind you, tommy's voice of warning shouted at you to stay away from henry but you didn't listen. the closer you got, the less he looked like your henry.

"henry!" you call out.

it happened so quick. one moment he charges at you and the next, sheriff carter's bullet shot straight through henry's temple until it came out the end. his blood splattered on your face and torso, marking you with the only thing left of him.

that night, dina and maria helped you clean henry's blood from your body and clothes. in the weeks that followed, tommy heard your screams from that day echo in his head every night while he slept. both of you were left replaying henry's final moments in your heads. tommy let you sob in his arms for hours, him and maria were both too afraid to leave you alone.

as the months passed by, the clouds around you only grew darker. you weren't sleeping or eating, the only people you would talk to were dina, maria, and your therapist, gail. it took a long time to open up to the idea of therapy. even now, you aren't entirely sure that it's done much help.

henry's name barely registered in your mind; nor did maria's voice calling your name.

"i need some air." you mumble, getting up and walking out the door.

on your way out, you snag a bottle of whiskey off one of the tables. a moment of awkwardness falls over everyone as the door slams shut behind you. joel watches as the young girl with ellie tries to go after you but maria stops her.

"she just needs a minute." his sister in-law tells the young girl.

once jane and chris continued, joel slipped out the door. he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to check on you. told himself that he would just make sure you were okay.

well, that was until you heard his footsteps.

"i'm fine, dina." you sniffle, placing the cap back on the bottle.

"sorry, i ain't dina." he mutters awkwardly, shifting on his feet.

the accent makes you turn around. tommy's brother stood a good distance away with his hands stuck in his pockets. there's an unreadable expression on his face.

"oh, s-sorry." you apologize, wiping a few fallen tears from your face. "i didn't know someone was out here. i was just about to go home."

"you don't um, you don't have to leave." he tells you, stopping any movement.

you offer him a small nod. "promise, i'm not usually a mess."

"didn't take you as one." joel replies, leaning against the railing.

"i wish they would all stop with these parties on the anniversary of his death. feels like their mocking me."

the two of you stare ahead at one of the old faded billboards that you've stared at countless times over the years. are you going to heaven?

"that's such a silly question. 'are you going to heaven?'" you giggle, a little tipsy from the whiskey.

"well, are ya'?" joel asked, almost jokingly.

"i gotta." you admit. "only chance i have at seeing henry again."

if anyone knew what you meant, it was joel.

"see that over there?" you ask him.

joel's eyes followed your index finger to what looked like might've once been a church.

"for years, i sat front row in those pews. even got married there." a small sigh escaped you as you recall the memories. "now i'm not so sure why i did any of it to begin with."

"born into it?" joel asked.

you nod. "daddy used to be a preacher but that was many moons ago, before the outbreak."

"you from jackson?"

"born in california but all i remember is jackson. came here for safety. for all i know, i could be the only girl alive from california."

a moment passes the two of you by. only the noise from inside the building can barely be heard.

"tommy's told me a lot about you, ya' know?" you tell him, breaking the silence.

joel almost winces at your statement, worried that tommy had nothing good to say about him.

"he's told me a bit about you too." he says, hoping to avoid any talk about himself.

you laugh dryly. "lemme guess.... did the words 'poor bride' come about?"

joel stays silent, immediately answering your question. he almost feels embarrassed that he doesn't answer, not wanting to hurt your feelings.

in a small voice, barely audible you mumble. "promise that i'm more than just a grieving widow."

for a moment, joel almost saw a mirrored reflection of his grief over his own daughter, sarah. despite all the years that have passed the hole in his heart was still there.

"you ever lost someone important to ya'?" you ask, looking up at him with puffy eyes and lips.

he nods and takes a deep breath. "years ago i lost my daughter."

"what was her name?"

"sarah."

"you're the poet of my heart." you hum an old familiar tune. one that joel hasn't heard in decades. a small smile crosses him.

"what was she like?" you asked.

"perfect." he replies without hesitation. "she was smart, smarter than anyone i ever met. too sweet for her own good."

"i bet she was."

"what about henry?"

you sigh. "henry had his flaws but even on his worst days, he always put me first. made me feel cared for and special. i don't think ill ever find a love like that again."

"don't count yourself out so soon." joel says earnestly. "you're young still."

"all my friends here are already married and have kids runnin' around while im here reliving memory's in my head that i'll never get back."

"being a parent isn't always all it's cracked up to be." he says, hoping to make you feel better.

"probably but at least i wouldn't be stuck daydreamin' about it."

the door swings open and maria walks out, joining the two of you.

"hey, you alright sweet pea?" she asked, rubbing your arm.

"yeah." you give her a smile. "joel here is keeping me company."

joel? her face read surprised. she gives him a look that you can't quite see but he shrugs sheepishly.

"he's been talkin' my ear off. told me some stories about growing up with tommy." you lie, hiding the depressing conversation the two of you shared in private together.

"told her tommy can't fix shit." he muttered, following along with your tale.

"maybe you can go fix sweet peas heater? let ellie breath for once." maria suggest.

"oh, he doesn't have to–"

joel cuts you off.

"i can look at it tomorrow, if ya' aren't busy."

"never am." you admit.

in the blink of an eye, a light snow began falling. the children outside cheer with excitement. you take it as a queue to return home.

"i'm gonna head home." you announce. "can you tell jane that i don't want that damn plaque?"

maria nods her head then pulls you in for a hug.

"have a good night." she says as you pull away.

"you too."

as you turn to joel, he's already looking at you. waiting for you.

"see you tomorrow, joel."

"see ya' tomorrow, sweet pea."

—tags: @lowrisemiller @imsherlocked-1998 @vvitchesh3x @chrrypascal @dugiioh @havensucks @olsenscardigan @sadgirlcait

[thinkinonsense]

if it's meant to be.

joel miller x fem!reader

masterlist — next chapter

summary: joel begins to settle in jackson when he meets a young widow on the second anniversary of her husbands death. he didn't plan to befriend her, let alone fall for her but when he sees a reflection of grief and love in her that he carries within himself, he can't help it.

warnings: slow burn, grief, mentions of death, cursing. some characters might feel slightly ooc, mentions of religion, half canon/ half not canon, nicknames, fleetwood mac mention, mentions of fertility and parenthood

chapter one: are you going to heaven?

every anniversary, you somehow find it within yourself to go to the graveyard. three rows back, five spots from the right; there he was. a small stone with your husbands name scratched in it.

the house feels haunted, you once told your friend, maria. for months, no one saw you leave your home. some of the people in the small town would come check on you, but that was two years ago. by now the wound should be healed, right?

“c’mon, sweet pea.” maria yelled, knocking on your door. “let me in! janice said she saw you leave this mornin’!”

"damn that old nosy lady." you mumble under your breath.

with a loud groan, you roll out of bed and make your way downstairs. only dressed in henry's clothes, a pair of boxers and a flannel shirt. even though the scent of him is gone, you can't find it in your heart to send them to donation.

“i'm alive, maria.” you answer, standing behind the door. “isn't that enough?”

the woman on the other side sighs. “you know we just don't want you to be alone today.”

reluctantly, you open the door and peak your head out.

“tommy took some flowers to henry's spot this morning. he said you always leave prettier ones than us.” maria smiles.

“there just the ones i grow in the garden every year.” you shrug.

maria’s heart ached for you. so young and already lost so much. eyes full of sorrow still mourning the man you had adored. henry and tommy worked together as fireflies for a while before tommy left them. the two were close friends before his passing.

“you should join us tonight at the town hall party.” she suggests. “i think dina would like to see you there.”

a small chuckle slips from your lips. “that little shit came in earlier with her key and made herself a sandwich.”

dina never caused you or henry any trouble. one day she just appeared and grew to you two like another limb. she was the only person who knew the pain you went through. some nights you would wake up sobbing from dreams of what almost was and what will never be. there were drunken nights where maria found you the next morning, slumped over in your bathroom with an empty glass in your hand. dina stayed with you for months, worried to leave you alone. the community of jackson did as much as they could to help but the ache never fully went away.

a beat passes and you sigh. “i guess, i’ll be there.”

happily, she walks off to get back to work. once the door closes, that sinking feeling returns.

joel didn’t know the first thing about the town of jackson, nor the people in it. women would admire him from afar but he was too worried about ellie to notice; especially on a day like today.

“she's fine, old man.” tommy chuckles, watching joel stare out the window at ellie and a group of teens around her age.

“just wanna make sure she ain't gettin’ in any trouble.” joel huffs, returning back to his breakfast.

tommy shakes his head at his worried brother. this side of joel reminded him of life before the outbreak.

“where's maria at?” joel asked, changing the subject.

“checkin’ in on an old friend of ours.” he replies almost in a somber way. “todays the anniversary of her husbands passing.”

“jesus.” joel exhales, not expecting that. “how did her husband pass? infected?”

tommy nods. “he went out for patrol and it went south. poor bride saw his head get blown off by some officers.”

'poor bride' was an understatement, joel thought. he still remembers what it was like to lose sarah. the wound gets easier to manage but it never fully heals.

" 's a real shame. henry was a good man." his younger brother sighs. "they'd been together since he showed up here in jackson seven years ago..."

whatever story tommy was about to tell about the dead man was interrupted when maria walked in. joel still couldn't believe how tommy looks at her she hung the moon and individually picked every fucking star in the night sky.

"morning, joel." maria says, taking a seat next to tommy.

"mornin'." he nods, politely.

as the couple catches up, something in the window captures joel's attention. two women on the sidewalk were talking together, one older and one younger. the older one seems to be doing most of the talking while the younger just nods along. she's dressed half hazardously in a pair on men's boxers as shorts and flannel about two sizes too big for her.

the woman was pretty, joel had to admit. soft features and eyes that shined.

"... she said she would show up tonight but who knows?" is all joel seems to have caught from the conversation between maria and tommy.

instead of trying to figure out who they were talking about, joel leans forward a little onto the table to get a better look at the women outside; but by then, it was too late. both of them had disappeared.

"joel? did you hear me?" tommy asked, snapping joel out of his thoughts.

"um, yeah, yeah... seven o'clock." joel guessed.

seven o'clock came around and you somehow made it down to town hall with a fresh baked pumpkin pie in your hands. the leaves in jackson were just beginning to change colors into different shades of brown and orange.

town hall was packed with just about everyone in jackson. kids played outside, chasing each other in the yard.

"oh! there she is!" you hear dina cheer when she sees you walk through the doors. her arms wrap around your waist, brushing against the white slip dress and henry's old leather jacket you had on. "pretty dress ya' got on."

"it better be." you chuckle. "costs me three jars of my homemade jam."

the two of you laugh until you spot maria and tommy at one of the tables. dina seemed too occupied with a brunette girl across the room anyways. politely, you excuse yourself and promise to catch up later.

"mind if i join ya'?" you ask, spooking maria who didn't expect to see your face here tonight.

"i'm glad you showed up tonight." she smiles, offering you the seat next to her.

"only came to remind tommy that he needs to come fix my heater again. winter will be here soon and i don't know why it keeps breaking."

there was a dry chuckle coming from behind you.

"it keeps breakin' cause tommy is the one 'fixing' it." a southern accent from behind announces. your gaze follows the sound until it leads you to the older man in front of you.

the mysterious man looked down at you almost like he had seen someone familiar. for an older man, he sure was handsome. looked rough around the edges, unlike the boyish charm you were usually drawn towards.

"and that pain in my ass would be my older brother, joel." tommy says, shaking his head.

"sweet pea, this is joel." maria introduces us. "joel, this is sweet pea."

there's a beat of silence between the two of you; almost like one is afraid to scare off the other.

finally, you speak up. "nice to meet you, joel."

"pleasure to meet you, sweet pea." he mutters, offering you his hand to shake.

joel regretted as soon as he felt your velvety touch. you don't fail to notice all the scars and callouses that covered his hand either. he must enjoy working with his hands, you thought to yourself.

luckily for the both of you, jane and chris call for everyone's attention up front. three small taps against their glasses and everyone turned.

"tonight, we want to come together to celebrate our community's fallen hero's..." chris announces.

for a moment, you're flashed back to two years ago. everyone heard the emergency call over the radios. infected.

"t-tommy, tell me it's not my henry."

the words came out in broken sobs near the gate. on the other side, you couldn't even begin to imagine what was happening. instead you are stuck here.

tommy avoids your watercolored eyes because he knows the truth. he leaves you there to go back out but when the gate opens again, you make a run for it. behind you, tommy's voice of warning shouted at you to stay away from henry but you didn't listen. the closer you got, the less he looked like your henry.

"henry!" you call out.

it happened so quick. one moment he charges at you and the next, sheriff carter's bullet shot straight through henry's temple until it came out the end. his blood splattered on your face and torso, marking you with the only thing left of him.

that night, dina and maria helped you clean henry's blood from your body and clothes. in the weeks that followed, tommy heard your screams from that day echo in his head every night while he slept. both of you were left replaying henry's final moments in your heads. tommy let you sob in his arms for hours, him and maria were both too afraid to leave you alone.

as the months passed by, the clouds around you only grew darker. you weren't sleeping or eating, the only people you would talk to were dina, maria, and your therapist, gail. it took a long time to open up to the idea of therapy. even now, you aren't entirely sure that it's done much help.

henry's name barely registered in your mind; nor did maria's voice calling your name.

"i need some air." you mumble, getting up and walking out the door.

on your way out, you snag a bottle of whiskey off one of the tables. a moment of awkwardness falls over everyone as the door slams shut behind you. joel watches as the young girl with ellie tries to go after you but maria stops her.

"she just needs a minute." his sister in-law tells the young girl.

once jane and chris continued, joel slipped out the door. he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to check on you. told himself that he would just make sure you were okay.

well, that was until you heard his footsteps.

"i'm fine, dina." you sniffle, placing the cap back on the bottle.

"sorry, i ain't dina." he mutters awkwardly, shifting on his feet.

the accent makes you turn around. tommy's brother stood a good distance away with his hands stuck in his pockets. there's an unreadable expression on his face.

"oh, s-sorry." you apologize, wiping a few fallen tears from your face. "i didn't know someone was out here. i was just about to go home."

"you don't um, you don't have to leave." he tells you, stopping any movement.

you offer him a small nod. "promise, i'm not usually a mess."

"didn't take you as one." joel replies, leaning against the railing.

"i wish they would all stop with these parties on the anniversary of his death. feels like their mocking me."

the two of you stare ahead at one of the old faded billboards that you've stared at countless times over the years. are you going to heaven?

"that's such a silly question. 'are you going to heaven?'" you giggle, a little tipsy from the whiskey.

"well, are ya'?" joel asked, almost jokingly.

"i gotta." you admit. "only chance i have at seeing henry again."

if anyone knew what you meant, it was joel.

"see that over there?" you ask him.

joel's eyes followed your index finger to what looked like might've once been a church.

"for years, i sat front row in those pews. even got married there." a small sigh escaped you as you recall the memories. "now i'm not so sure why i did any of it to begin with."

"born into it?" joel asked.

you nod. "daddy used to be a preacher but that was many moons ago, before the outbreak."

"you from jackson?"

"born in california but all i remember is jackson. came here for safety. for all i know, i could be the only girl alive from california."

a moment passes the two of you by. only the noise from inside the building can barely be heard.

"tommy's told me a lot about you, ya' know?" you tell him, breaking the silence.

joel almost winces at your statement, worried that tommy had nothing good to say about him.

"he's told me a bit about you too." he says, hoping to avoid any talk about himself.

you laugh dryly. "lemme guess.... did the words 'poor bride' come about?"

joel stays silent, immediately answering your question. he almost feels embarrassed that he doesn't answer, not wanting to hurt your feelings.

in a small voice, barely audible you mumble. "promise that i'm more than just a grieving widow."

for a moment, joel almost saw a mirrored reflection of his grief over his own daughter, sarah. despite all the years that have passed the hole in his heart was still there.

"you ever lost someone important to ya'?" you ask, looking up at him with puffy eyes and lips.

he nods and takes a deep breath. "years ago i lost my daughter."

"what was her name?"

"sarah."

"you're the poet of my heart." you hum an old familiar tune. one that joel hasn't heard in decades. a small smile crosses him.

"what was she like?" you asked.

"perfect." he replies without hesitation. "she was smart, smarter than anyone i ever met. too sweet for her own good."

"i bet she was."

"what about henry?"

you sigh. "henry had his flaws but even on his worst days, he always put me first. made me feel cared for and special. i don't think ill ever find a love like that again."

"don't count yourself out so soon." joel says earnestly. "you're young still."

"all my friends here are already married and have kids runnin' around while im here reliving memory's in my head that i'll never get back."

"being a parent isn't always all it's cracked up to be." he says, hoping to make you feel better.

"probably but at least i wouldn't be stuck daydreamin' about it."

the door swings open and maria walks out, joining the two of you.

"hey, you alright sweet pea?" she asked, rubbing your arm.

"yeah." you give her a smile. "joel here is keeping me company."

joel? her face read surprised. she gives him a look that you can't quite see but he shrugs sheepishly.

"he's been talkin' my ear off. told me some stories about growing up with tommy." you lie, hiding the depressing conversation the two of you shared in private together.

"told her tommy can't fix shit." he muttered, following along with your tale.

"maybe you can go fix sweet peas heater? let ellie breath for once." maria suggest.

"oh, he doesn't have to–"

joel cuts you off.

"i can look at it tomorrow, if ya' aren't busy."

"never am." you admit.

in the blink of an eye, a light snow began falling. the children outside cheer with excitement. you take it as a queue to return home.

"i'm gonna head home." you announce. "can you tell jane that i don't want that damn plaque?"

maria nods her head then pulls you in for a hug.

"have a good night." she says as you pull away.

"you too."

as you turn to joel, he's already looking at you. waiting for you.

"see you tomorrow, joel."

"see ya' tomorrow, sweet pea."

—tags: @lowrisemiller @imsherlocked-1998 @vvitchesh3x @chrrypascal @dugiioh @havensucks @olsenscardigan @sadgirlcait

[thinkinonsense]

chapter one will be out in a few days!! sorry, i started a new job and have been busy. <3

if it's meant to be.

joel miller x fem!reader

masterlist

summary: joel begins to settle in jackson when he meets a young widow on the second anniversary of her husbands death. he didn't plan to befriend her, let alone fall for her but when he sees a reflection of grief and love in her that he carries within himself, he can't help it.

warnings: slow burn, grief, mentions of death and religion, cursing, angst, fluff, eventual smut, (will add more as the series progresses)

coming soon!! comment to be tagged <3

[thinkinonsense]

Late Night Visit | QZ!Joel x F!Reader

Explicit. Minors DNI. Part IV.

Summary: You and Joel go to Bill and Frank's.

Tags: No use of y/n, canon-divergence (Bill and Frank are alive because I'm not killing my gays during pride month), reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns (also wears a dress for like 2 seconds), some physical descriptions (has a bush because #bushnation and is curvy if you squint), age gap (reader is in her late 20s, Joel is in his 50s), alcohol consumption, bratty reader and mean!Joel, dom!Joel, verbal degradation, like one tiny little sexy smack, choking, spit, dirty talk, pussy pronouns, use of good girl and other pet names, oral (f!receiving), spit, light biting, finger sucking, unprotected piv, the pullout method (don't try this at home), f!masturbation, uhhhhh sexy use of duct tape lol and subsequent breath play, cum eating. If I missed any tags, please let me know!

Word count: ~9.7K

Read on AO3

A/N: I was having a fuck ton of fun writing this chapter and I didn't realize how long it was getting so I'm sorry or you're welcome idk. It felt necessary to dive into the reader's backstory a little as so many things were brought up for her at Bill and Frank's. I hope you enjoy getting to know her a little more. I definitely did. Also, a massive thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with the series and reblogging/commenting. I appreciate you so much. Lightly proofread this myself, so my apologies for any typos. All on me. As always, likes/reblogs/comments and feedback are welcome. Thank you for reading! Divider by @/saradika-graphics

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

After sleeping on the cold, hard forest floor for a night, you’re thrilled when Joel says there’s an old Girl Scout camp to crash at.

The two of you have been trekking to an unknown location for a day or so and you’re ready to just get to wherever you’re going. Joel’s being reticent about sharing details of the run you’re on which is out of character. He’s generally open about the logistics of a job, but you’re not pushing it, too desperate for the work after being blacklisted by Wade. Plus, you get to escape the crowded, stressful QZ for more than a day or two. Any amount of time away is a real treat.

The sun is tucking itself behind the horizon by the time you get to the camp. Tiny, wooden cabins create a perfect circle around a firepit, filled with ash and a few charred animal bones. A pang of nostalgia hits you like a punch to the gut.

“You know, I used to be a Girl Scout,” you whisper as you do a perimeter check alongside Joel. Talking helps you not think about the chance of seeing infected. You passed through a small town a few hours ago and had a run in with two clickers, but both of you came out entirely unscathed. 

Joel hums before exhaling sharply through his nose. “Must not have been a real good one,” he retorts before putting his pistol back in its holster. “I’ve seen you tryna tie a knot.”

You roll your eyes, trudging up the steps to a cabin. With a soft grunt, he follows you up the short flight of stairs and you can hear his knees crack. It’s a miracle he can fuck you as hard as he does considering his age. Joel unlocks the door with a key that he fishes out of the inner pocket of his tan leather jacket. This must be a regular route for him and that calms any wariness you had about the job.

“Yeah, no. I kind of sucked,” you admit as you follow him inside. The corner of Joel’s mouth twitches and you wonder if it’s a hint of a smile. “I quit when I was like…eight, maybe? Nine? Worst Brownie in my troop. I barely had any badges.” 

“Doesn’t surprise me.” 

When he turns his back, you give him the middle finger and another eye roll. 

There’s a part of you that’s still pissed about what happened last week with Wade. Still embarrassed that Joel acted like your protector, like you couldn’t handle yourself, but there’s a bigger part of you that’s so turned on by the idea of Joel wanting to fight someone on your behalf, like he was telling Wade not to fuck with what’s his. You know you’re not his, not even sure you’d ever want to be, but each night for the last week, you’d play with your clit while thinking of Joel coming into your apartment with bloody fists and fucking you, smearing it all over you. Marking you. Your cheeks get hot just thinking about it.

Joel locks the door and shoves a rusty chair under the handle although it’d be useless considering the two massive windows in the cabin. At least the glass is intact so you’d hear someone, or something, coming. You scan the room. Two sets of dusty bunk beds, a wooden chest, a couch with torn upholstering, a dresser with peeling paint, a narrow nightstand adorned with two candles with crispy wicks. Joel lights the candles before heading to the dresser, pushing it to the side with great force and grit teeth. He reaches down and lifts the loose floorboard, pulling out a hunting rifle with a scope and a box of ammo. You watch as he loads the magazine, his face lit by the warm candlelight. 

“We’ll—”

“—sleep in shifts. I’ll take watch, you take watch. Yeah, yeah. I know,” you finish for him, irritated that he bothers explaining shit you already know.

Shooting you a dirty look, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed, Joel sits on the couch and spreads his legs wide. You think about crawling onto his lap, but restrain yourself, taking a seat next to him instead. 

“Was gonna say we’ll leave when the sun rises. We’re makin’ real good time. Less obstacles than I thought,” Joel says, eyes flickering over to you as you pull your legs up and tuck them under you. 

“Where are we headed anyway?”

“Bill and Frank’s.”

“That was really helpful. Great explanation, Joel,” you deadpan, giving him an exasperated look. You realize suddenly how tired you are. “Who are Bill and Frank, and where are we meeting them?”

Joel is visibly annoyed, sitting next to you with his jaw clenched and his arms crossed. 

“People I trade with. Meeting ‘em at their place in Lincoln.”

“Lincoln,” you mutter to yourself as you get up and head towards your pack, pulling out a map. Tracing your finger from Boston to Lincoln, you purse your lips. It’s only about fifteen miles from the QZ. “This is like…a six hour hike. Why were we walking for a whole day?”

“Now, why the fuck d’ya think we’ve been taking the long way?” he spits.

“Raiders, infected, rubble, people like us.” Your face is hot, embarrassment settling in your throat. 

Joel hums in response, giving a small nod as you walk back over to the couch, collapsing on it with a sigh. It can never just be easy. Nothing can. How nice would it be to be able to hop in a car? The drive would be what, forty minutes with traffic? Maybe less? You would be able to listen to music, stop for lunch at a diner, put your hand on Joel’s thigh while he drove. But you can’t do any of that. Not in times like this. Not when Joel is just a man you work with, a man you sometimes fuck. Nothing else.

“Get some shut eye,” he grumbles, standing up. Your eyes drift to the way his shoulders slump and his heavy eyelids. “I’ll take first watch.”

You shake your head and stand up, too. Joel spent the whole day guiding you with strict vigilance. Always alert, always on. You’re the same whenever traversing out of the QZ, but you feel like it weighs on Joel heavier for some reason. 

“No, it’s fine. You rest. I can watch,” you say. “I got it.” 

For a moment, you think he’ll protest, your eyes searching his face, but he doesn’t. He just nods and blows out the candles before lying down on one of the bottom bunks. Boots still on, pistol still strapped in its holster. Closing his eyes, he lets out a heavy sigh, giving in to his exhaustion.

“Get me up in four hours.” It's a demand, not a suggestion. 

“Mhm.”

Four hours go by quickly, but you can’t bring yourself to wake him up despite the lethargy that threatens you. 

To your surprise, Joel is fast asleep. You realize that you haven’t ever seen him sleep, generally back before the sunrises while working. The one time you spent the night together, he let you rest. Your chest tightens at the memory of the weight of Joel’s arm draped on you while you slept. 

Joel mumbles in his sleep. If it were anyone else, you’d probably find it annoying, but seeing this gruff, hardened man babble complete nonsense and twitch with his eyes closed is endearing. You wonder if he’s like this in his apartment in the QZ or if his nightly glass of whiskey knocks him out hard. 

While he rests, you keep a firm grip on the rifle, periodically scanning the outside through the windows, being sure to walk quietly across the weathered floorboards. They’re creaky, but you do your best not to wake Joel.

At some point, your mind wanders to the last time you fucked Joel. Maybe you’re bored, but you can’t stop thinking about Joel counting, only letting you come when he got to three. You think about being on your knees for him, the weight of his cock smacking your tongue before he came down your throat. Pressing your thighs together, you feel slick gather in your panties. 

You look over and see Joel’s body limp with sleep, and figure he won’t wake up for a while. Okay, you have time. Just go in the closet and get yourself off before he wakes up. Considering how turned on you are, it won’t be that hard, right?

Fuck it. 

Exercising extra caution, you get up, setting the rifle down on the couch. Your pistol is in your ankle holster, so you’re still armed. Slowly, you open the door to the closet, eyes closing tight and your lips curling inward when the hinges squeak. You slip in and carefully shut the door. With urgency, you unbutton your pants and shove them down along with your underwear, leaning against the wall.

Your middle finger slides down your slit and fuck, you are soaked. Holding back a whimper, you begin to rub your clit quickly, trying to make it fast. Shutting your eyes, you picture Joel’s hand instead, how it would feel for his calloused fingers to be playing with you instead.

He’d whisper things in your ear. He’d tell you it’s pathetic how wet you are for him, tell you to be a good girl, tell you that you look pretty while moaning for him. Right now, you do feel pathetic, getting yourself off while Joel is asleep in the next room. For some reason, that just gets you closer to your release. 

What if you went out there and woke him up by straddling his lap? You want to kiss down his sharp jawline, grind on his bulge, and ask him to fuck you. 

What you want the most, though, is for Joel to kiss you. It’s only happened twice during the same drunken night. Joel was wasted and so were you, practically falling into each other on the way to your apartment. It seemed like an accident when his lips met yours the first time. He hurriedly kissed you again like he was trying to figure out if it had actually happened. 

As he was leaving, once the two of you were dressed, you went to kiss him goodbye. He turned his head, your lips awkwardly meeting his cheek. You brushed it off even though you were humiliated. What else could you do, though? You acted like nothing happened. Joel did the same. 

Now, here you are, thinking of kissing Joel hungrily while riding him, watching his eyes shut as he groans and spills into you. It sends you falling over the edge. Your pussy spasms and you clamp your hand over your mouth as you come, trying to stifle your cries. You rest your head against the wall, panting with your eyes closed. If Joel had been the one giving you that orgasm, your legs would be trembling, but your own hand can’t compare. 

You pull up your pants, buttoning your jeans, and slip out of the closet. Returning to the couch, you sit down and move the rifle onto your lap. Joel groans in his sleep and you continue to fantasize about hearing him groan in your ear as his cock plunges in and out of you.

Before you know it, the sun begins to rise. Joel jolts awake, his hand instinctively going to his pistol. When he realizes all is well and that you’re wide awake, sitting on the couch, the tension dissipates from his body. 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” you tease, a playful smile on your lips. 

“Jesus.” Joel rubs his eyes. His voice is gravelly, heavy with sleep. “Why didn’t ya wake me up?” 

“You were out like a light. Didn’t want to wake Sleeping Beauty,” you reply. Your eyes shift down to the obvious bulge in his jeans. Raising an eyebrow, you smile and nod towards his pelvis. “Good dream?”

Joel glares at you and then rubs his eyes with his palms like he’s trying to get knead the night away. You find yourself a little enchanted by him like this, tousled hair, hard cock, prominent lines between his brows from his face being pulled tight all night. You want to drop to your knees in front of him and beg for him to fuck your mouth. 

“Jesus, it’s the ass crack of dawn. ‘Nough of that,” he scolds. “Y’should’ve gotten me up. What if you had fallen asleep and gotten us killed?” 

“Well, I didn’t fall asleep and I didn’t get us killed,” you answer simply, shrugging your shoulders.

“Now I gotta deal with you being tired and grumpy all day,” Joel grumbles and stands up, his joints cracking. He walks over and rips the rifle from your hand while you shoot him an amused look. He mutters, “Piss me the fuck off.”

“I think you’re projecting, Joel. You’re always the grumpy one,” you say, brushing off his last comment. Joel’s snide remarks don’t hurt your feelings anymore, not when you know how he praises you when he fucks you.

Good girl. Did so good. Look so good like that.

Darlin’. Baby. Sweetheart. Sugar.

Your thighs clench just thinking about Joel’s gruff voice in your ear.

“Just shut up and lay down. Thirty minutes and then we gotta get movin’,” he says, slinging the rifle over his shoulder before moving towards the door to take the chair out from under the handle. “Gonna do a perimeter check. Thirty minutes.”

You roll your eyes but do as he says, taking off your jacket and lying on your stomach where Joel had been sleeping. It’s still warm from his body heat. You bunch up your jacket and use it as a makeshift pillow. Sleep takes you gently away. 

“C’mon. Up.” Joel jostles you awake, earning a groan from you. Your eyes are narrow when you glance up at him. He’s much more awake now, pack already on and rifle slung over his shoulder. “Let’s go. You’ve already wasted our time.”

Rolling your eyes, you get up and stretch, shrugging your lightweight denim jacket on. Snagging your pack, you follow Joel out the door. Spring has arrived and the early mornings still have a bite to them, but when you step outside, the sun is higher than it should be if Joel had only let you sleep for thirty minutes. You let the warmth of its rays wash over you, smiling to yourself. Thirty minutes, my ass, you think before slowly jogging to catch up to Joel who has already started walking.

It takes you about two hours to get to your destination. The hike was fairly smooth, only stumbling upon a few stray infected. Nothing that you and Joel couldn’t handle. The two of you were quiet. Joel was annoyed with you, you could tell, and you were exhausted. It wasn’t too out of the ordinary.

You approach a small town, surrounded by a fence with barbed wire and a sign that reads DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE. Joel tells you to stay put as he walks toward the box with a keypad, typing in a code. As the fence opens, a burly man with maybe one of the biggest automatics you’ve ever seen comes barreling out of a gorgeous, white colonial style home with gray shutters and a large American flag above the porch. The man has shoulder length hair, a scruffy beard, and wide shoulders. He sports a scowl and his gun is pointed directly at you. For some reason, you don’t feel fear, just tension. Joel’s with you. You’re fine.

“S’me,” Joel calls out, waving a disarming hand in the air. 

The man lowers his weapon and you trail behind Joel, shutting the gate of the fence behind you. It clicks locked. You’re taken aback by the sight in front of you, mouth slightly ajar. Shops, although empty, with fresh paint, potted flowers, meticulously cut grass. It’s almost like stepping into the old world. If you closed your eyes, you’re sure you would hear children playing, inane chatter, life before it all went to shit. 

“Hey,” Joel barks, snapping his fingers at you. You didn’t realize you were in a trance. “Keep walkin’.” 

The man meets you by the picket fence in front of the house with his frown and weapon, giving Joel a nod and a handshake. You’re not listening to whatever they’re talking about, standing behind Joel with your eyes still roaming your surroundings, in total awe of whatever the hell this is. 

“Bill, this is—”

You cut Joel off and give Bill your name along with something that resembles a half smile. Bill nods. A man of many words, apparently. The three of you walk inside and the smell of apple pie lingers in the air, making your stomach quietly grumble. You realize you haven’t eaten yet today and apple pie, something you haven’t had in twenty years, smells divine.

“We freeze the apples,” a different man says as if he could read your mind. Frank, you presume, has walked in from the kitchen. His hands are on his hips, smiling, and his beard is well trimmed, a stark contrast from Bill. He steps towards you and takes your hand, “I’m Frank.”

You introduce yourself and smile, putting your other hand over Frank’s. Warmth radiates off of him and he reminds you of someone, but you can’t quite place who. You drop hands and Frank greets Joel, pulling him into a hug. You’ve never seen Joel hug someone before. You’re almost envious, wondering what it would be like to have Joel hold you outside of fucking you. 

“Well, come on in. I’ll give you a tour,” Frank says, putting a hand on the small of your back to guide you into the living room.

It feels like a home. A real home with decor and tchotchkes, paintings and collages, records and a piano. You’re not sure you said anything besides holy shit and wow the entire time Frank was showing you around. Back in the dining room, Joel and Bill are sitting at the table, both looking incredibly stern, but there’s no tension, no malice. It’s just serious. It’s business. They’re checking things off of a list on a notepad and drinking whiskey—neat and on the rocks. Just how Joel likes it. 

Putting your hands on your knees, you bend down to look at the various spirits on the brass bar cart. You can feel Joel’s eyes on your ass.

“Fuck, this place is incredible,” you gush. “You guys looking for a third?” 

“You know, you’re not quite our type,” Frank chuckles softly, leaning against the archway. 

You smirk at him and straighten your back. “Yeah, I figured.”

Joel’s looking at you from the table, pen idle in his hand. When you glance at him, you think you’re going to melt into those brown eyes of his. They look softer here, illuminated by the warm sun filtering in through the sheer curtains. What would it be like to sit across from Joel at a table like this and drink coffee in the morning? What would it be like to sleep beside him in the master bedroom with its canopy bed and venetian carpet? Is Joel wondering the same thing right now as he stares at you? You make yourself sick with these thoughts. 

You almost forget Bill and Frank are there until Frank breaks the silence. “I’m going to take you to the boutique down the road, then you two can shower and freshen up before dinner. Does that sound okay?”

Nodding, you follow him out the door. The town is quaint and somehow so well-kept. You walk in silence, taking it all in, while listening as Frank explains how he and Bill met and how they fixed up the town. It’s a love story. An apocalyptic one, but still one nonetheless. Until now, you didn’t think those existed anymore.

Frank opens the door to the boutique and your eyes widen at the sight. Racks and racks of women’s clothes, a wall of accessories, a case of jewelry, boxes of shoes, and makeup.

“Holy shit,” you say under your breath for the hundredth time today. 

“Take whatever you need, whatever you want. It’s free,” Frank offers with a wink, walking up behind you with his hand on his hips.

You turn to look at him, brows raised incredulously. 

“Are you serious?” you ask. He nods. “I don’t even…thank you.” 

Frank doesn’t say anything, just smiling as you start to look through the racks. The clothes are dusty and some of them have tiny holes from moths, sure, but they’re in good shape. Much better condition than anything you have back in the QZ. Plus, they’re actually cute. You were never old enough to go shopping at boutiques like this, your teenagehood soiled by the outbreak before you even got the chance. 

“So,” you start, rubbing a silk dress between your fingers, “how did you guys meet Joel anyway?”

“Well, I started talking to Tess on the radio,” he says and you stop moving altogether. Tess. “Bill hated that, as I’m sure you can guess. When we actually met Tess, along came Joel. You know how that is, wherever Tess is, there Joel is.”

Tess. You met Tess when you met Joel a few years ago. It had been a year or so after you started smuggling that you started working with their crew. Joel’s a damn good smuggler and you practically needed recommendations before he let you in on jobs. You were younger then, in your mid-twenties, and had to prove yourself to be an asset and you did. Tess recognized this, giving you credit where credit was due, but she was never particularly nice to you. Neither was Joel. Eventually, you started going on regular runs with Tess, Joel, Adam, and every now and then, a few others.

Adam was a few years older than you, but still much younger than Joel and Tess. The two of you stuck together if you ever needed to split up in pairs. So yeah, you get it. Wherever Tess went, Joel went. You could tell he was always particularly protective of her, but they had known each other for years. They trusted each other; it made sense. You never thought too much about it. 

About six months ago, Tess stopped coming around. Joel’s moods were worse than usual after that, but you didn’t say anything to him about it. You wouldn’t dream of it. Frankly, it was none of your business, but you were curious. When you brought up Tess’ absence to Adam, he said that there were logistical and financial disagreements among some of the group members. You didn’t believe it, but you let it go. As long as you were getting paid, what the hell did it matter?

Something sour bubbles in your belly at the thought of Tess and Joel. You ignore it, trying to focus on the clothes in front of you with their bright colors, patterns, and soft fabric. 

“I’m a little surprised Tess isn’t here with you two,” Frank says and you look up to meet his gaze, giving him a small shrug. He smiles and nods, dropping it altogether.

You pick out a few things to try on. Jeans, tank tops, t-shirts, a few blouses, new boots, even a dress and a pair of heels. You also snagged some new underwear and a lacy bra. In the dressing room with the emerald green, velvet curtain pulled shut, you strip. Trying on each of the pieces one by one, you admire the way they hug your waist and accentuate the curve of your hips and ass. When you get to the dress, your breath hitches. You haven’t worn a dress in years. The low, square neckline makes it hard not to stare at your own breasts. The black dress is short, landing above your mid-thigh and you notice how nice your plush curves look. You smile to yourself, thinking about how amazing it would be to have somewhere to actually wear this.

When you come out, Frank���s holding you a bag and you dump your findings in it. Before you leave, you stop and look at the makeup, grabbing mascara and blush. 

“Do you think I’m going to get an infection from how expired this shit is?” you ask.

“It’s possible. I guess you have to decide if it’s worth the risk.”

When you get back to the house, you can smell whatever Bill is cooking. Some sort of meat. Maybe duck? You aren’t entirely sure, but it’s divine and you’re reminded again of how hungry you are. Frank tells you that you can shower as Bill makes dinner, pulling a fluffy bath towel from the linen closet and showing you to the guest bedroom that you’ll be staying in.

“Unless you and Joel are sharing a room?” Frank asks, uncertainty clear in his voice. 

“Definitely not. Unless you want him to kill himself,” you reply with a short laugh and shake your head. The words tumble out of your mouth when you say, “Thanks for the clothes and the shower and for having me here.”

Frank just smiles, resting a hand on your shoulder and giving you a smile that says you’re welcome. 

You head into the bedroom, noting all of the decorations and the matching furniture set. Tears well up in your eyes as you look at the clean sheets, thinking about how you can’t wait to fall into the fluffy pillows tonight. 

In the shower, you cry and you cry hard. It’s just overwhelming, being in a place that feels incredibly normal and reminiscent of a time that’s so far away, so far gone now. You let yourself drown in the emotion as the shower pelts you with hot water. 

When you get out and wipe the condensation off of the mirror, you examine yourself, grateful that your eyes aren’t puffy. You attempt to dry your hair with your towel and put on a coat of mascara. That small touch makes all the difference and you realize that you haven’t felt this pretty in a long time. Sure, you know you’re desirable. You would fuck you, but this feels foreign. It feels luxurious. 

You get dressed and pull on a new pair of jeans that hug your ass perfectly, pairing them with a tight, black long sleeve. It has three buttons by your breasts that you leave undone to accentuate your cleavage. You tie it all together with new boots and a dainty necklace. Stepping back, you take in your reflection. Again, you’d fuck you. 

Stepping into the hallway, you see Joel leave his bedroom at the same time. Your pussy pulses and your chest tightens when you see him. His beard is trimmed and wet curls are falling on his forehead. The clean flannel he’s wearing hugs his biceps and you want to sink your teeth into them. He looks less rugged, more domestic in a way that makes your heart hurt a little.

Joel’s eyes travel down your body, lingering on your breasts for a moment and finally, he meets your gaze. Both of you stand there, just staring at each other before he clears his throat.

“Y’look, uh…clean,” he says, voice low, and he runs his tongue over his teeth. 

“Yeah, you too. For once,” you tease although your tone is flat.

He motions towards the stairs. “We should—”

“Yeah.”

The two of you head downstairs and see Frank carrying dishes to the dining room table. It’s set with frilly placemats, wine glasses, and two long candles dripping red wax onto glass holders. Your eyes are wide when you see the food laid out in front of you. It’s duck, as you suspected, with mashed potatoes, gravy, and asparagus. Plus, an unopened bottle of Beaujolais. 

“Ready?” Bill asks, uncorking the bottle and pouring everyone a glass. 

You nod and approach the table, but before you can pull out your chair, Joel does it for you. Raising an eyebrow and glancing at him, you take a seat.

“Such a gentleman, Joel. On good behavior today?” you whisper so only he can hear. 

“Will you shut it?” he hisses back, passing you a glass. 

“There we go,” you say back, smiling more to yourself than to him. “That’s more like it.” 

The four of you settle and Frank picks up his glass, raising it to initiate a toast. You’ve never even toasted to anything before and though you’re almost thirty, you feel like a child sitting at the adult table during Christmas dinner. 

“To new friends,” Frank begins, nodding towards you before looking at Joel, “and old friends.” 

Your face gets hot as the four of you clink your glasses together and mumble cheers. The first taste of wine you have is more of a gulp than a sip and if it weren’t incredibly rude, you would’ve finished the whole glass in one go. It’s better than any alcohol you’ve consumed in the QZ and while you could smuggle better shit in, you have other priorities like the medication for Susan. After tasting this though, you think you’ll ask Frank if there’s something you could trade for a bottle. Maybe two.

Frank, Bill, and Joel chat about supplies while you sort of listen, focusing mainly on the delectable food in front of you. Again, this meal is better than anything you’ve had in the QZ and truthfully, maybe even better than anything you’ve had in your whole life. You have to consciously pace yourself so you don’t scarf it all down in under five minutes.

At some point, Joel kicks your shin from under the table, grabbing your attention. When you give him a look that says what the actual fuck, he nods over towards Frank. You realize then, totally fucking embarrassed, that he asked you a question and you didn’t even register it.

“I asked where you’re from?” Frank smiles, patient and warm. When your eyes dart over to Joel, he’s biting back a smile while chewing and looking down at his food.

Asshole. 

“Sorry,” you mumble. You take a sip of wine, your glass nearly empty. “I’m from Portland. Maine, not Oregon.”

As you speak, Joel’s eyes flicker to you and he stops chewing to listen to you. It’s the first time you’ve ever shared any personal information with Joel and even now, he didn’t ask, you’re just answering someone else’s question. Something about Joel knowing anything about you makes you uneasy. You figure it’s because all you’ve learned about him has been through other people.

“Beautiful place to grow up,” Frank says, pouring more wine into your glass. You smile to say thank you, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Did you spend a lot of time on the water?”

“Yeah, my dad was a fisherman.”

Bill nods in your direction. With his mouth full he says, “Great skill to have in times like these.”

It comes in flashes. The feeling of cold sunscreen on your back, the gentle sloshing of the boat that rocked you to sleep like a baby, lobster shells cracking like ribs. You think about your dad with his toothy grin. The scent of fish that lingers. You start to feel sick.

Maybe it shows on your face, the way you’re solemnly reminiscing, because Joel’s boot meets your leg and strokes it lightly, like he’s patting you on the back. When you glance over at him, he’s looking down at his plate. It was probably just an accident, you tell yourself.

You take another sip of wine like it’ll wash away your thoughts. It pools in your stomach, that deep warm feeling you’ve come to appreciate during times of discomfort. 

“You think that until you eat so much fish that you’re pretty sure you’re going to get mercury poisoning,” you attempt to joke, but you know your tone isn’t convincing. It comes out more sad than anything.

“Guess there are worse ways to die,” Joel mumbles. 

You laugh. You don’t mean to, but it just comes out. Frank joins you while Bill and Joel are silent, staring at each other like you and Frank have lost it altogether. When the laughter dies down, Frank changes the subject like he knows you’d rather not talk about yourself anymore. You mentally thank him for it.

Three bottles of wine later, dinner ends and you feel fatigue overtake you. After helping Frank with the dishes, you excuse yourself and head upstairs to the room you’re staying in. You strip off your clothes, only clad in your new matching bra and panties, before collapsing in the bed. You tell yourself that you can take your makeup off tomorrow. 

Snuggling into the sheets, you take a deep breath. You hadn’t expected the day to exhaust you quite like this. Working as a smuggler usually meant life or death situations and risk. Here, you feel safe, but you feel like you’ve expended more energy than ever before. The entire experience of being in a place like this, a place so resonant of a life you could’ve had, has weakened you. Each step you took in this sanctuary weighed a hundred pounds. Your limbs feel heavy and you’re thankful for a few hours of uninterrupted rest.

The wine from dinner hit you so hard that you don’t hear him come in. It isn’t until the bed sinks in next to you that you realize you’re not alone. Waking from your slumber, you instinctively turn to reach for the pistol in your pack that you’ve strategically placed next to your bed. Even if this is the safest you’ve felt in years, you’re still on edge. Force of habit. A firm hand grabs your wrist to stop you.

“Stop,” he demands. Joel loosens his grip on you and says, softer now, “Just me.”

As you register his presence as safe, your heartbeat slows. Your arm drops and you sigh deeply. 

“Fuck you—you scared the fuck out of me, Joel,” you hiss, closing your eyes. “What do you want?”

When the blanket is pulled from your upper body, your eyes open again, the same startled look from before. Joel’s hands land on your breasts, thumbs tracing the lines of the lacy fabric of your bra, eventually making their way down your sides. He digs his fingers into the plush of your hips. Your breath hitches, knowing damn well that you’re already getting wet. 

“Pretty,” he whispers, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of your panties, hiking them up further. “You wear these just for me?”

“No.” You roll your eyes and let your head loll to the side. “I wore them for Frank.” 

Joel grabs your chin and forces you to look up at him. It’s dark, so damn dark, but you can see a sliver of his face lit up by the moonlight that’s creeping in through the sheer curtains. His eyes carry that lustful darkness that you know so well. Joel wants something from you and he’s going to get it. You want to give it to him. Whatever he wants, it’s his and you don’t need to say it aloud. Joel knows.

“What do you want?” you ask, voice quiet and unintentionally sultry.

“You playin’ dumb tonight? I think ya know what I want.”

“Then take it,” you reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. The look in Joel’s eyes makes your clit throb in anticipation.

“Wasn’t askin’ permission, sweetheart. I know you’ll gimme what I want,” Joel rasps, leaning down to kiss and nip at your pulse point.

He’s right and you almost hate it. Joel’s a smug bastard, always has been. He knows that whatever fight you put up, it’s all show. He knows you like the verbal sparring, the way he grabs you, the way he fucks you harder when you piss him off; you think he likes it, too, since he keeps coming back for more. Maybe it’s as much for him as it is for you.

You let out something between a dry laugh and a groan. “You’re such a fucking asshole.”

“Y’real mouthy tonight.”

“Maybe something big in my mouth would shut me up.”

“I got other plans for you,” he mumbles, pulling your earlobe into his mouth and biting lightly. 

You inhale sharply. “Hope they’re good considering you woke me up.”

“That how you talk to someone who’s about to fuck you good?” Joel’s breath is hot against your neck. 

Your pussy throbs at the thought of having Joel deep inside of you. Eyelids fluttering closed, you think you mumble something like please or sorry or both. If you weren’t so aroused, you’d probably be mad at yourself for essentially giving in already. You orgasmed less than twenty four hours ago. What happened to your self control? If you’re being honest, you’ve never had it when it comes to Joel.

One of Joel’s hands leaves your hips to paw at your breast, flicking your nipple with his thumb and feeling it pebble under his touch. You bite back a moan, but your breathing is shallow and gives you away. Joel hums against you before sucking on the tender skin where your neck meets your shoulder. The thought crosses your mind that he’s being forceful enough to leave marks and that there’s a chance Bill and Frank will notice tomorrow, but your mind quickly moves on from the topic when Joel tugs at your nipple. You let out a small squeak at the sensation. 

“Think I didn’t notice the way these tits were hangin’ out a dinner?” he asks, breathless, although it’s not really a question. Joel pulls away to admire your chest and yanks your bra down, letting your breasts hang over the fabric. “And in front of strangers, too. Shameless little whore, huh?” 

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You heard Frank, I’m not their type,” you deadpan.

“I didn’t say anything about bein’ worried. Wouldn’t be anyway,” Joel says, sliding one hand down to your clothed pussy and cupping you. “Y’know who this pussy belongs to.”

You can’t help but think, yours, yours, yours. All yours Joel. 

Squirming under his touch, you rut your hips into his hand to chase any hint of pleasure. Your brows are furrowed as you look up at him. He smirks, satisfied with himself, and rubs a torturously light circle on the soaked center of your panties with two of his fingers.

“Feel how wet she is for me, baby?” 

Baby. You almost whine at the pet name. Joel calls you pet names all the time, but tonight it’s hitting you differently. You’ve been emotional, maybe that’s it. 

Nodding, you sit up on your elbows and grind into his hand. It’s not enough and Joel knows it, but he doesn’t give you more than this. For now. It’s easy to tell he’s enjoying watching you like this, all desperate and needy for him. You still won’t give in and moan, so you just breathe heavily and chew on your lip as you take in the dull pleasure of his thick palm on your hot core. 

“Play with yourself,” he instructs, removing his hand from you and standing up.

Your previously heavy lidded eyes are now wild as you stare at him and you make no move to touch yourself. He just stands there, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. 

“C’mon, play with yourself,” he demands, voice low and laced with annoyance. “Y’look real dumb just starin’ at me like that. Haven’t even fucked you stupid yet.”

Cheeks heating up and pussy throbbing, you go to slide your hand under your ruined panties when Joel tuts at you.

“Over ‘em.”

“Joel, are you fucking serious?” you whine, almost sounding like a bratty child.

“Do I look like I’m playin’ games with you?”

You roll your eyes, but acquiesce and begin to play with your clit over your panties. It’s painful how muted the pleasure is. All you want is Joel’s fingers or his tongue or his cock. Really anything besides this. Looking up at Joel, you hope you can give him puppy dog eyes to convince him to fuck you, but you’re distracted by the way he’s palming his cock through his jeans. The hardened length is prominent even in the dark of the bedroom. 

“Is this what you did the other night while I was sleepin’?” Joel asks as he undoes his belt. 

Your lips part, your eyes widen, and your chest gets hot. Embarrassment spreads over you like wildfire. “I-I,” you stammer, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Joel laughs quietly and takes his t-shirt off, revealing the salt and pepper chest hair that covers scars across his chest. Your eyes are glued to his abdomen, taking all of him in. He shucks off the sweatpants he borrowed for the night, stepping toward the bed.

“I-I-I,” he mocks you cruelly. His teasing goes right to your pussy, making you clench around nothing. “Please, darlin’. I heard you tryna muffle those pretty sounds a’yours.”

A small moan slips from your lips as you frantically rub yourself through your underwear. Your fingers are getting wet through the barrier of the fabric that’s thoroughly soaked by your juices. 

“What were you thinkin’ about?” he asks, pulling the covers back and slipping in beside you. Heat radiates off of him and you feel yourself getting sweaty from arousal, embarrassment, and him.

You don’t respond aloud, but you tug at the waistband of his boxers, wanting nothing more than to see his cock. Joel shakes his head. 

“Use your words. Y’love to run that mouth, so let’s hear it.”

“You, Joel,” you admit, whimpering. “Your tongue, your cock.”

He hums, pleased by your answer. Joel leans in and kisses below your ear before whispering, “S’what I thought.”

Joel slides his boxers down and kicks them off, his hardened length finally there for you to see. Your lips part as you stare while he strokes himself once and then twice, exposing the red, swollen head of his cock. You pick up the pace of your fingers as if it’ll relieve any ache at all. 

“Alright, sweetheart.” He slides down the bed, positioning himself between your legs and pulling your damp panties off. “Since you need it so bad.”

When Joel places a sloppy kiss to your clit, you finally let yourself moan earnestly. 

“Love hearin’ those pretty noises,” he mumbles against your cunt between licks.

Relief floods through you as Joel begins to flick your clit with his tongue. Light and fast. Just how you like it. Each movement is precisely what you want. Joel just knows your body at this point. You tangle a hand in his hair to push him closer, to encourage him.

The sounds he’s making as he eats your cunt are utterly obscene and you try not to contribute to the noise by biting your index finger, well aware that you’re in someone else’s house. Two people that were very kind to you and are letting you stay in their home. The least you can do is not moan and wake them up. 

Joel makes it hard for you to keep quiet when he slips two fingers in your cunt and curls them upwards, hitting the spot inside of you that makes your toes curl. A strangled sound claws its way out of you as you try to hold back your cries of pleasure. When a moan that’s a little too loud slips out, Joel digs his fingers into the soft flesh of your inner thighs and you get the message. Shut. Up.

You look down at Joel. His graying curls are a mess from you pulling on them, his pupils are blown lecherously, and he’s rutting his hips into the bed. The sight of him hurdles you toward your orgasm. Joel can feel you start to clench around his fingers. Knowing that you’re close, the hand that’s not inside of you shoots up and he shoves two fingers into your open mouth. You suck on his fingers as they move in tandem with the ones inside of you, hitting the back of your throat a few times, making you gag. 

All the sensations at once are overwhelming when your release hits you. Thighs trembling and closing in around Joel’s head, you moan around Joel’s fingers and tears well up in your eyes, ultimately slipping down your temples and into your hairline.

Joel pulls his fingers from your mouth and your pussy at the same time before lightly smacking the inside of your thigh, conscientious of the volume of the impact. His tongue is still circling your clit and you can’t take it anymore, wriggling away from his touch. Finally, Joel relents, looking up at you with slick, swollen lips. He looks absolutely fucked. His thumb rubs a soothing circle atop of the hair on your mound, sticky and wet from your arousal and Joel’s spit.

You’re panting when he hovers over you, looking down at the sheen of sweat covering you from your orgasm. His cock rests on the soft part of your lower belly.

“C’mere, taste yourself,” he husks.

This is it, you think. He’s finally going to slip his tongue in your mouth and kiss you. You’ve been itching for it since the first time you kissed him and you feel excitement flutter in your stomach. Looking up at him expectantly, you hold your breath, but you’re surprised when Joel’s thumb meets your bottom lip and pries your mouth open. You stick your tongue out without even thinking about it, and Joel spits directly into your mouth. His warm salvia pools on your tongue and you close your mouth, swallowing the taste of both of you. 

You can’t help but feel disappointed yet you try to remind yourself that Joel just made you come on his tongue and fuck, it was good. The aftershocks are still reverberating in your core. 

“Good girl,” he praises, voice flat and gravelly. “S’that what you wanted?”

Inhaling shakily, you nod. Joel’s forearm rests by the side of your head, your chests pressed together, while he drags his cock through your slick. Every time the head brushes against your clit, you shudder, still so sensitive from your orgasm. 

“What else did you say you were thinkin’ about?” he asks, still teasing your slit with his cock.

“Your—”

Joel sinks in without warning and his hand flies to your mouth in an attempt to quiet you before you wake Bill and Frank. It works, mostly. Despite your orgasm and his fingers, his cock still stretches you out. It amazes you that no matter how many times you take him, you still feel him work you open. 

Once Joel bottoms out in you and stills, you finish your sentence through exasperated breaths. “Cock. Your cock.”

He groans at this as he begins to thrust into you, shallow yet fast strokes, his cock nearly pulling fully out each time. He’s fucking teasing you. Your moans are hiccupy little noises, not entirely satisfied with the fucking you’re getting. You know if you tell him this, he’ll stop entirely. Just to fuck with you. You also know how to get him going. Just start talking. 

“I know you’ve brought other girls here. Is this what you do, Joel? Bring girls you like here?” His brow furrows at your question, still not fucking you quite how you’d like. You’re surprised that your words are coming out so smoothly. “Wine them and dine them, then make them come?” 

Joel laughs darkly at this and picks up the pace, earning a quiet moan from you. You feel satisfied with yourself, knowing that you’re getting to him. Part of you wonders if he would’ve reacted differently if you mentioned Tess by name. 

“Who said I like you?” 

“I-I think—fuck,” you exhale as he starts to fuck you harder, kissing your cervix with the head of his cock. You close your eyes, telling yourself to pull it together long enough to finish your sentence. “You like me. Enough to be in my bed when you’ve got your own.”

Shaking his head, he buries himself deep inside of you and ceases any movement. You almost whine out of frustration, but you hold back. Joel uses his free hand, the one that’s not supporting him, to wrap tightly around your throat. You choke out a moan and clench around him. 

“I like you when you shut the fuck up,” he says through grit teeth. 

You smile and try to laugh, but it sounds more like a cough than anything. Joel loosens his grip ever so slightly as he starts moving his hips again, fast and deep. Just what you wanted. 

“R-Really? Thought you liked hearing my pretty little noises?” you manage to get out with his clutch lighter than before.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” Joel groans, shaking his head. He stops moving and this time, you actually do whine. “Can’t keep that fuckin’ mouth shut.”

Joel releases your throat and leans over, still buried inside of you, to reach for your pack. 

“What’re you—”

He pulls out a roll of duct tape you keep in the front pocket just in case the soles of your boots start to go. Your eyes widen and you swallow hard to try to get rid of the lump in your throat. Anxiety or excitement? You can’t tell.

“Fleshlights don’t talk,” he mutters before ripping a piece of tape off with his teeth, “and that’s all y’are to me.”

Before you get the chance to even think about something to say, Joel slaps the duct tape across your mouth. It’s primal—the way your breathing becomes heavy and frantic through your nose and your chest heaves, like prey being caught by a predator. At the same time, your cunt tightens around him and you feel arousal leak from you. You think that there has to be something wrong with you. This shouldn’t turn you on this much, right?

Joel doesn’t resume fucking you yet, still and sheathed all the way inside of you. His dark, blown out eyes search your face.

“Breathe, breathe,” he orders, but his voice is almost soft now, stripped of the edge it carried before. A hand comes up to cup your jaw and his thumb brushes the tape. “Breathe for me, baby.”

You close your eyes and focus on your breath and the gentle caress of Joel’s rough hands. Eventually, your breathing becomes normal again, consistent. When you open your eyes, Joel’s looking at you and you think you see a flash of concern cross his face.

“Y’okay?” he asks, waiting for your go ahead.

Nodding a little too excitedly with wide eyes, you lift your hips up and your hands fly to his lower back, trying to press him even close to you. Joel’s hand drops from your face and he wears a smug smile as he throws your legs over his shoulders, now impossibly deep inside of you. You moan, muffled pathetically by the tape.

“Good, ‘cause I gotta keep my word and fuck you real nice.”

Joel grabs a good handful of your thighs, digging his fingers into you, and starts pistoning in and out of your cunt. Your hands fist the sheets, trying to ground yourself as he fucks into you brutally, hitting that sweet, spongey spot deep inside of you. If the duct tape weren’t there to stifle your cries, you’re sure you’d wake up Bill and Frank. 

“Much better,” he grunts. “Now I can focus on how fuckin’ nice and tight this cunt is.”

You whimper at his filthy words. Joel has such a mouth on him and you never, ever want him to shut up. Every time he talks to you in bed, you make sure to pay attention, commit it to memory so you can replay it over and over again when you touch yourself.

The tempo he’s set is merciless, his cock slamming into you relentlessly. Your cunt spasms around him and you close your eyes tightly, already feeling that familiar pressure building in your lower belly. Joel notices and he smiles. It’s crooked, smug and exposes his canines. He shifts his angle slightly and rolls his hips into you, groaning quietly. The change earns a wanton moan from you and you arch your back, trying to feel him as deep as possible.

“So damn needy,” he growls. “You were really thinkin’ about this all day, huh?

Joel spreads your legs into a wide V and begins to fuck you slower. You whine, brows pulled tightly as you feel your impending orgasm slip away. His eyes are trained on where his body meets yours, watching his cock, completely coated in your juices, slide in and out of your puffy lips. 

“Fuck, sugar.” He exhales. “Look at that. She takes me so well.” 

You nod, but you don’t look because you can’t pull your eyes away from Joel. He’s covered in a sheen of sweat, broad chest glowing in the moonlight, and you wish you could lean forward and lick the perspiration off of the protruding vein on his neck. Joel’s fucking beautiful. 

With your legs spread wide, you feel exposed, but you’re not self conscious. The way Joel’s looking at you, like he could devour you whole, is electric. 

He’s still staring at your pussy, enamored, when he gathers his spit in his mouth and lets it fall from his lips, landing directly on your clit. You moan at the sensation, tilting your head back. One of his hands drops to your sensitive bud and he begins smearing the wetness around. The way he rubs your clit with intention is fucking divine and when he starts to fuck you again, you feel that white hot pleasure return.

Joel’s breathing is ragged and you can tell he’s trying not to make too much noise. At this point, you’re not sure if it matters. The bed is faintly creaking, the sound of skin slapping is unmistakable, and although your moans and cries are dampened, you can still hear them. 

“Squeezin’ me tight,” he says with a sigh. “Gonna give me another, sugar? C’mon, gimme one more.”

The circling on your clit doesn’t stop for even one second and his hips rocking into you don’t falter—your eyes roll back as you come. Your cunt throbs around Joel’s cock and he groans in response, fucking you erratically through it. The high-pitched cries that pour out of you are softened, but not entirely squashed by the tape. As you come down from your high, Joel pulls out of you abruptly.

Fisting his cock, he mutters your name, sandwiched by expletives that you can’t quite distinguish as your ears are ringing from the aftershocks of your orgasm. You manage to sit up on your elbows to look at Joel and the swollen head of his cock, glistening from your cum. With a final groan, he spills his warm, sticky spend on your lower belly and the hair on your mound. 

Joel’s panting as he rolls over next to you, hands coming up to rest on his forehead as he shuts his eyes. You sit there and let him catch his breath, just watching the way his chest rises and falls. Once his breathing decelerates, he opens his eyes and looks over at you—lying there with your mouth taped, covered in his cum. 

Turning on his side to face you, he lets out a short, dry laugh that could easily be mistaken as a scoff. In one quick motion, Joel rips the duct tape off.

“Ow—fuck,” you curse under your breath. Your hand comes up to rub the soft yet irritated skin in an attempt to soothe the sting. “That fucking hurt.” 

“You’ll live.”

You roll your eyes and go to get up so that you can clean Joel’s mess off of you, but he stops you with a firm grip on your forearm. Annoyed and exhausted, you don’t bother fighting it, letting your head drop back onto the pillow. 

Joel’s middle and index finger swipe a long stripe down from your belly to your clit, gathering his cum on his fingers. 

“Open,” he instructs. 

Without a second thought, your lips part and you let your jaw hang open. Joel sticks his fingers in your mouth and you close around them, eyes fluttering shut as you moan and take in the heady, salty taste of his cum.

“Suck.” You do.

“Swallow.” You do.

Fingers popping out of your mouth lewdly, you feel your cheeks get hot with arousal and a hint of embarrassment. Joel knows how much you liked that and you’re sure he’ll hold it over your head at some point. 

“That’s my good girl,” he practically coos. You feel sheepish from the praise, forcing yourself to look away. 

Joel reaches over and grabs the shirt he discarded earlier from the floor. Tenderly, or as tenderly as Joel seems to be capable of, he wipes the remainder of his spend off of you. His gaze meets yours and the moment feels charged. Your mouth is slightly agape and you notice his eyes flit to your lips. If there were ever a time for the two of you to kiss, it’s now. A few moments pass, and it doesn’t come.

“Such a gentleman,” you mumble, breaking the silence. “Guess you are on good behavior.”

Whatever trance Joel was caught in is broken and he snaps his eyes away from you. He runs a hand through his sweaty curls. 

“Oh, fuck off,” he grumbles.

You smile and roll your eyes, adjusting your bra so it’s back in its proper place, covering your nipples that are still hard. For the first time all day, your mind is blank, too exhausted to think. So you let yourself melt into the bedsheets, pulling the blanket up to cover your mostly bare body. Joel doesn’t move. Joel doesn’t say anything.

The only thing you two can hear as you lie on your backs is the sound of each other’s breathing. At some point, you drift off to sleep.

When you wake in the morning to the birds chirping, Joel is gone. You swear you felt him place a gentle kiss on your temple before leaving a few hours ago, but you might have been dreaming.