#so I just get stuck and I hate this
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Fellow mentally ill people out there, how do I get my mind to let go of a constant anxious thought that won't leave me for days on end when none of the typically suggested things work?
#over and over I keep coming back to the thought that I'm now 30 and still financially unstable#constantly beating myself up over not making better decisions#and honestly not being sure if I need to be kinder to myself#or if I need to keep doing it more because I actually need to shape up#beating myself up clearly isn't fixing anything but I don't know what will#its the biggest thing that's been getting in the way of my continued creative work right now honestly#because anytime I try to start I get overwhelmed by this dread feeling that this is time I am wasting not actively making money#so I just get stuck and I hate this
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#nerdyprudesmustdie have been sketching Max like crazy 😎😎 villian supremacy!!!!
#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#starkid#starkid npmd#max jagerman#npmd max#npmd spoilers#npmd fanart#npmd au#npmd grace#grace chasity#okay i hate everything ive drawn laterly but these two. are stuck in my brain so this shit sketch gets to live#max is a babygirl :3#holyghost#just realised i should tag their ship.#gracemax#saint0psy art
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fatt pin-up week prompt 6: lingerie
millenium break lingerie shoot ?? ??? i don't know. i was having fun
bonus figure a bc they didn't fit anywhere up there
#it's not like my lingerie drawing NEEDS context my brain just works that way#fatt#friends at the table#fatt pinup week#partizan#exeter leap#valence#kalmera broun#vermillion blue#rosa art#this was just gonna be millie originally but you know. i didn't get to draw leap for the challenge mode last year bc i was busy...#& i never draw valence basically ever. & broun is there too just bc#you probably could find lingerie that actually fit leap in style i just got tired looking. anyways i don't think he cares much either way#this one just gets stuck in his joints&shit which he hates.#that aside i missed drawing milie... i drew her so much while i was listening to pzn. miss u girl
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?
tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.
#i really do have a love-hate relationship with this timeline#because it's FASCINATING lore. genuinely. and i think it carries over the themes of certain games REALLY well#but i also think it's indicative of a trend in loz's writing that has REALLY annoyed me for a long time#which is this intense need to cling to oot#and on a certain level i get it. that was your most successful game probably ever. and it was an AMAZING game.#and i think there's definitely some corporate profit maximization tied up in this too--oot was an insane commercial success therefore you'r#not allowed to make new games we need you to just remake oot forever and ever#and that really annoys me because it makes certain games feel disjointed at best and barely-coherent at worst.#i think the best zelda games on the market are the ones where the devs were allowed to really push what they were working with#oot. majora. botw. hell i'd even put minish cap in there#these are games that don't quite follow what was the standard zelda gameplay at their time of release. they were experimental in some way#whether that be with graphics or puzzle mechanics or open-world or the gameplay premise in its entirety. there's something NEW there#and because the devs of those games were given that level of freedom the gameplay really enforces the narrative. everything feels complete#and designed to work together. as opposed to gameplay that feels disjointed or fights against story beats. you know??#so I think that the willingness to allow botw and totk to exist independently from the timeline is good at the very least from a developmen#standpoint because it implies a willingness to. stop making shitty oot remakes and let developers do something interesting.#and yes i do very much fear that the next 20 years of zelda will be shitty BOTW remakes now#in which botw link appears and undergoes the most insane character assassination youve ever seen in your life#but im trying to be optimistic here. if botw/totk can exist outside the timeline then we may no longer be stuck in the remake death loop#and i'm taking eow as a good sign (so far) that we're out of the death loop!! because that game looks NOTHING like botw or oot.#fingers crossed!!#anyway sorry for the game dev rant but tldr timeline good except when it's bad#asks#zelda analysis
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‘the black bastard of the wall’ moniker is the exact opposite of the ‘white wolf’ moniker and this perfectly highlights the irreconcilable differences between book Jon and show Jon
#‘white wolf’ highlights his stark heritage parallels him to robb and tries to align him with perfect moral goodness#‘the black bastard of the wall’ is only about jon. it has nothing to do with his stark heritage nor ghost. it’s only about jon#it’s literally white vs black#stark/winterfell/moral goodness vs bastard (targaryen bastard to be specific)/the wall/moral greyness and the duality of it all#he’s already a snow and he’s surrounded by white up north with a white direwolf so being the black bastard and dressing all in black#is perfect imagery of the duality theme in jon’s storyline#d&d rly wanted their jon to always stand in robb’s shadow 🙄#while book jon has an international reputation while still stuck at the wall#my boy is stuck in westerosi alaska and he’s got ppl across the sea yapping about him for pastime#that’s fame baby#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#GOT critical#jon snow#book jon snow#and i wanna know what other monikers george plans to give jon#while i wouldn’t be that suprised if the ‘white wolf’ did come from george it’s the way it’s jon’s only moniker in GOT that pisses me off#‘the black bastard of the wall’ supremacy#the white wolf seems kinda lame in comparison but say jon gets it if his hair turns white like some theorize#if that happens then i’ll like it more cause it’ll be about jon!#like… the young wolf is about robb. not grey wind. the starks are compared to wolves and robb is a young king and he just so happens to have#a direwolf. in the show jon’s ‘white wolf’ moniker is honestly more about ghost than jon! and that’s ughhh#but robb had the wolf moniker first so it feels once again like the showrunners were placing jon in robb’s shadow#UGHHH I HATE THE SHOW AND HOW IT RUINED THE WAY SO MANY PPL VIEW THE CHARACTERS#let jon be the black bastard !!#his color was always black and the wall is his !!#put some respect on his name and his badass moniker#i don’t want to see anymore shit about the white wolf cause that’s only d&d’s shit invention at this point#valyrianscrolls
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Spikeangelo, Reference sheet... again, I think
Yes, this is a hint...maybe
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#art#crossover#tmnt crossover#tmnt 2012#spikeangelo au#spikangelo au#tmnt 2012 spike#tmnt 2012 slash#tmnt last ronin#the last ronin#tmnt the last ronin#last ronin#titan rivals rise leon in the amount of times he uses humor to cope#proving his hidden mikey status#character reference#character sheet#updates are stagnate cause im waiting to be able to read the comics myself 😩#i can only do so much with little info and it i hate getting things wrong#so im gonna try to get my research in but for now we might be stuck with the asks for awhile#(im very particular about things sorry sorry fscbnjrdbht)#its like highschool all over again ;□;)#edit: you ever just realize you have autism again despite being diagnosed...
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i was listening to TV Girl and suddenly i was compelled to drew these bastards
they suit the post valentines mood
#rick and morty#rick and morty fanart#rick sanchez#prickcest#or at least implied?#rick prime#rick c137#don't you just hate having a hologram of your nemesis haunt you? so does Rick but he hasn't managed to get rid of him#guess old man Rick is stuck with a reminder of his poor life choices#i don't exactly ship anything within the series but somehow my interest was very much peaked at the idea that these two had a fling in past#so these doodles are a result of that-#bottom sketches were just me messing around with brushes and drawing the younger duo#nickonzart
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Did Les and Hed know either of their fathers?
Yes, they lived with both actually, and they both refer(red) to both of their fathers as "dad" (well, hed's father was daddy).
They lived with Hed's dad and their mom in a small village/town in the rock kingdom since Les was basically still a baby and till he was around 8 or 9 when their mom died (Hed then being 4 or 5). Soon after that Les ran away and took Hed with him, because Hed's dad was very abusive toward him and it only got worse when Les grew to the height and size of an adult rock troll at around 8 years old. Les had a very hard time growing up in the rock kingdom in general, he was the only mixed genre troll where they lived and no one ever treated him age-appropriate because of his size, even unintentionally. Don't even get me started on the bigotry. :(
So then Les ran away with Hed to go find his biological dad, because surely his real dad who is also a funk troll like him would like him more. (Somehow they managed to find him with the help of one old photo Les had of him.) It turned out that wasn't the case and Les quickly realized that the funk trolls didn't consider him as one of their own either. But his dad still (reluctantly) decided to take them in if they stayed out of the way. And that's where they grew up and lived (in Vibe City) until not that long before they meet Floyd. It was a very strange and not at all child friendly environment because Les's dad lives in a cramped apartment with a bunch of stoner roommates and with different trolls coming and leaving all the time, so their home was more a hangout den for a bunch of washed up adults than an actual home...
The two rock trolls' first month there; Les was learning how to play the bass and he got super into it and he broke into song which then ended up with a punk rock scream, Hed heard it and started screaming all over the apartment (normal and healthy behavior for many rock troll kids):
Floyd also had the misfortune of meeting both of them (Les's dad intentionally and Hed's dad by chance). It's an understatement if I say he despises them
#sorry if this is confusing to read with all the hed and hed's dad and les and les's dad#i only have a name for les's dad so far#which is ish#it's short for “licorice” lmao#he is an awful excuse for a dad and i hate him#but hed's dad is the one in would step on and squish without hesitation#and then i'd scrape my shoe against the ground to get rid of the crap stuck to the sole#their mom can fuck off too#:(#trolls#dreamworks trolls#my art#ex bandmates#trolls oc#les#hed#answered#rock trolls just unlock all the curse words at birth lmao#also hed was just a yapper#he still kinda is#gwowwing is growling if you're confused#because i think it looks confusing
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nightmare viewing the murder time three as little toys but more in like a little spoiled kid kinda way. because it would be funny and if you take into the account that he was like 6 before getting corrupted and do some mental loopholes it would be even funnier. like these are his dolls (killer dust and horror) and this is their barbie dreamhouse (his castle). they all have to stay in one room because nightmare needs to keep his toys in a toy box. the toys only ever come out when he wants to play but oh damn it they keep on breaking out!! silly toys,,, and then he locks them into the room again.
nightmare serves them food with plastic tea cups and plastic plates and there is no food. there is no tea. they have to imagine the food because dolls can't literally eat. there are food containers and stuff in the house but its all just a bunch of empty boxes. horror starts tweaking out after he scavenges the kitchen and finds a cereal box and milk carton that have NOTHING in it (why keep empty boxes?????)
they have to go where he wants them to go. nightmare gets to dress them up in whatever he wants because theyre his dolls they can wear anything he wants. it gets incredibly embarrassing when the trio is forced to wear pink pretty dresses and fight like that. or they have to go around the castle doing stupid fucking roleplays and it gets weird because theyre being forced to reenact a bullying scene and nightmare's giving them the death stare if they don't get it right (is this projection. this must be some form of coping mechanism dust theorizes)
and then you know nightmare's not exactly the best toy owner so he loses a few of his dolls here and there. maybe they get destroyed when he was playing a bit too rough with them! (killer dies in battle for like the 29th time) but its okay because he can just go back on down to the store (something new) and buy. wait no. steal another doll and then put it back in his dreamhouse and BOOM he has a full set again!! so sweet so cute. his dolls don't have consciousness what are you talking about theyre begging to be let go?? that's all just your imagination. what do you mean you're asking about the several slowly dying bodies with removed arms or legs in his dungeon. oh that's just where the broken but not yet destroyed toys go dw theyre fine its humane
#toy story but evil#imagine nightmare dresses the trio up in dreamtale esque clothes and then forces them to pretend to be his parents#because the stupid shit grew up parentless and now that he has dolls he can just roleplay that now#or he could just make the trio roleplay as a family. one parent two children. huh i wonder where i've heard this before#he's still like totally smart with all the multiversal plans and conquering and manipulation and all that#just that he's still got a bit of childish charm in him yk.🥺🥺🥺 he's sweet and cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺#killer says as he tries not to go insane from being stuck in a room with dust amd horror for weeks on end#nightmare has no sense of boundary for the trio because theyre just little toys for him#if he wants them to change clothes he strips them because dolls cant change by themselves#if he wants them to move a specific way he maneuvers them because dolls cant movs on their own#nightmare's messing around and has all his dolls in the splits because who hasnt done that#dust and horror are in so much pain. killer just feels humiliated#these are GROWN MEN you are objectifying here nightmare. LITERALLY objectifying. but irs okay its funny#dadmare but instead of nightmare being the dad he's the kid. while also simultaneously having all the power#this would go for a sick ass plotline if someone made a fic for it#it aint gonna be me 🤣🤣 but like.... trio has to convince nightmare to stop treating them like goddamn dolls#and nightmare has to change his stupid little kiddy mentality while also they all have to just get on better terms in general#so stupidn so dumb. would the mtt hate eachother during all this. quite possibly#three crazy freaks trapped in one room for unknown amounts of time. homoerotic arguments must have occured#they must know stuff about eachother that they don't wanna know. they all know what they look like naked#nightmare is the leading cause of mtt deaths because he just doesn't know how to properly handle his toys#oops he says as he accidentally breaks horror's neck and dust and killer watch on. guess its time to get a new one!#and he gleefully skips off to horrortale while dust and killer are left with the dusting beheaded body. what a fun time#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#tricule rant
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printer zam.... would you ever consider uploading lore streams into clipped down vids for a second channel.....
fuuuuuuuck I should just continue the 2nd channel abyss stuff with just clips of the super important stuff with zero cuts unless it’s for a big jump 😭😭
#hello it is me princezam#I really wish I kept at this#I’m really bad at consistency but like fuckkkkk I want my streamed lore to exist in more then just streams so bad#if only I uploaded…#but like that’s not enough cuz a video could never tell the full full story that streams can#Posting just straight 30-40 minute clips of lore streams would be awesome tho and I lowkey might try to continue that sometime in the futur#too many side quests rn bruh im stuck in an airport and like nearly the second I get home I gotta play MONEY SMP 😭😭😭#But back to the main point for this specific person this lowkey existed for like 3 videos#I stopped immediately tho since I hated watching us recruit jumper it hurt how stupid we were
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the Li-Wilson family is the cutest, change my mind
(you cant)
#dungeons and daddies#dndaddies#dndads#dndaddies s2#dndads s2#granco#marco li wilson#lincoln li wilson#grant wilson#grant li wilson#is there a ship name for grant and marco idk i just made one up#being able to see grants beautiful beautiful face becomes the motivational force behind marco finally getting glasses#also idk what possessed me to draw with a thin pencil for this comic but ooo wheeeee never doing that again for some reason i hated how this#looked for the longest time and it took me forever to be moderately ok with how it turned out#using a thick pencil is just so much easier#u can tell towards the end it started getting less and less detailed and more cartoony lol#also they got kicked out of their uni library idk if that was clear#they’re working on a presentation together#i love the idea of a meet cute where they never would game met or interacted except for oh no randomly stuck together at partners for a scho#school proj and then one of them catches feelings while they have to be around eachother#hehehe
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A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom
I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.
All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?
What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???
You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.
As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?
I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?
No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?
No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!
Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?
Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?
You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?
I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.
Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.
I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.
Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.
In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.
What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?
Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.
I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.
Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.
#trigger warning#tw hate#I was also informed I was being mocked in group chats and there were sick rumours about me.#i won’t give a fuck if I get harassed again cux this literally shows how low this fandom will get#there’s so many layers to this I haven’t even gone into detail on#but I just want atleast this off of my chest. I was shaking and short of breath as I wrote this#I wish to thank all my oldest moots and friends that stuck by me despite everything. I cannot express how thankful I am to you guys#love you all tons.#what do u mean by compensation? just an apology from the same people who hurt me. which is nearly impossible. but idc I want to find them#and confront them. I need to bring my 13 year old self justice for what she went through. I pushed her feelings aside when this was over#but she never healed. I’m hoping she gets a bit of peace for now.#pjo fandom#percy jackson fandom#fandom toxicity
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#since I did a fast eloise only sketch yesterday#here are some Sebastians😇����#he got tired after sneaking into the restricted section and…I feel like classes are kind of boring to him#I’m almost done with the most wretched book ever🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#it’s so terrible and depressing I am just hate-finishing it at this point#it just solidifies in me that I was just meant to read old books over and over again lol#like…this book is SUPPOSEDLY really popular and I DONT GET IT !!!#I also HATED The Overstory which is also popular…it’s weird though#bc the first part was genuinely one of my favorite things I’ve ever read#so i stuck with the rest in the hope it would keep that momentum and it…didn’t…#oh well I just keep reading and rereading novels I already know I’ll like😇😇 and avoid this author forever and ever 🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart
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and if i said suguru’s relationship with weakness (’the preciousness of the weak, the ugliness of the weak’) was born out of his feelings towards his mother …
#.#feeling abnormal feeling extremely abnormal#i think suguru fucking haaaaaates his father but his connection to his mother is just . so much more loaded#in that sense his mommy issues are far worse but his daddy issues are definitely more . apparent#he hates his dad he’d do anything anything anythingggg never to end up like him#but he resembles his mother in many ways (the hair. the eyes. the frail heart)#and because of that his hatred/love for Her in particular is just … one big can of worms#’you shouldn’t have given birth to me. you should have saved yourself. it’s your own fault that you’re stuck with him’#etcetc#he feels pity and guilt and hatred and biological love he’d be better off without#i think his mother was very very awful to him too#but even baby sugu knew the root cause was his father#hhhhh ….#i’m a little on the fence between . ’his home life was violently abusive’#and ’his parents were obsessed with appearing normal and perfect no matter the cost’#maybe both ?#like … idk if ever got physical. but i think just the psychological torture of living in that kind of household#left scars in his soul that he’ll never get rid of#in my mind sugu’s backstory is akin to nobara’s but make it straight up horror#anyway that’s all 🙏 sugu your parental issues have bewitched me#ari noises ✩#meta ✩
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obligatory yaoi . fairies are extremely bug like and use magic to appear more familiar to godkids
#peri overthinking the implications of hiding something so crucial while kinda. Being With someone but also knowing he can't reveal that#fairies exist so he's just like hrrmm . ok. hey how do you feel about bug? little things that fly around? hey#and dale's just like ........ What. Huh?#their legs get stuck between your teeth i'm not a fan#i hate them both i want them dead.#fop#just doodles#fools gold#dale dimmadome#peri fairywinkle cosma#<- all of these are just in my default tags ohmygod the yapperre
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