#so I don't ever want it to look generic
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hey do you guys wanna see something secret
#its too 4am to be coherent about this but:#I have put a lot of effort into being able to freehand cars very specifically for This Scene#and also because i have strong opinions about the technology in tailslide being visually interesting in a way that contributes to the story#telling us something about the characters that create and use it#so I don't ever want it to look generic#I want the robots and cars and guns and etc to have as much design and expressivity as the characters#i get a little sad when the standard advice is to trace reference/3D models for cars and things in comics rather than cartoonifying them#i get that for most people that's reasonable#since it's a kinda specific skill#and those props are less central in most stories#just... not in tailslide. those cars are gonna be bouncing off each other hanna-barbera style to the best of my ability#you have been warned#complaining
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Pretty clothes for you! ✨ (Patreon)
#My art#Solanaceae#Satine#Ahh!!! Even with this one being done I'm still so nervous about it somehow!! Haha ♪#It's been so so soooo long since I've participated in an Event that I've forgotten everything I've ever learned or done in one haha#But yes! This is an event piece! DCS put out an art call and I wanted to join and I'm very glad I did! :D#I would consider myself a very casual fan of Solanaceae like it's been way too long since I've reread in earnest but I like to stop by#Lovely art and characters and interesting movement and feelings and problems everyone runs into it's quite cool :D#Satine is probably my favourite of the bunch even if it has been too long since I've properly caught up with everyone!!#I remember always feelings very positive and like - mixed-love? They're complex in a way that I really like#Ahh all the more reason to catch up again! So I can properly express how I feel about Satine /now/ not just partially remembered haha#I'm also just generally a fan of DCS' art style and passion and ah <3#I don't think I've mentioned it anywhere but DCS was one of my Very Big - maybe even Main inspirations to make VargasLovingHours#And then I also get to draw their pretty lad in Satine! Yes!!#I have a lot to feel thankful for inspiration-wise haha ♥#This was a fun outfit to design :D I really wanted Satine to feel pretty 'cause they are!#A kind of cool pink and scalloping I will always choose scalloping if there is an option for scalloping to be chosen#And I got to bring back a bit of the rainbow-opal look I used for Winter King a bit back as well! :D#And mirrors and sparklies and just - yes! Many good and fun things!!#I do think it's a bit funny since those were supposed to be thought bubbles but then I just - forgot to make the little bubble tails lol#Remembered them on the flowers! But not the thought bubbles! Haha oh well ♪#Does not diminish the cutes or the pretties ♫
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Interactive - Favorite Burp Scenario
I need something to take my mind off the fact that we are home to the dumbest, most bigoted fucking assholes on this planet, and I feel like a lot of you probably feel the same way right now. So, how about another interactive game? Send me character requests via my askbox here and I will respond with my favorite burp scenario to imagine for them. (Note, ideally, keep it to characters I know or that you think I may know)
#interactive post#community game#burping#burp kink#belly kink#i think back on all the movies where the president hides a horrible crime they committed years back#and how they carry out these horrid conspiracies to cover up the truth of their misdeeds#oh how fucking quaint that all feels right now#here in america?#you can incite an insurrection and get your freakass cult to storm the capitol on live television while erecting (lol) a gallows#the whole world can watch in horror#you can get indicted on 88 felony charges#convicted on 34 of them#your generals came come out and admit that you like hitler#and in a few years the people will just happily send you back#don't worry the media will treat you like a completely normal candidate and sane wash whatever crazy bullshit you say too!#because gat dammit groceries are just way too expensive#sure your own party and awful policies CAUSED prices to soar but it's not like the media will ever point that out when they conduct polls#also the same fucking idiots crowing about grocery prices hear trump's tariffs will cost them thousands more yearly and they're fine with i#im so fucking tired and i know you are too#just look out for your lgbtqia+ friends right now#they're gonna be hurting right now especially if they don't live in cali#and even cali's not some liberal fucking haven either#we just voted NOT to end slavery in this state!#like what the actual fuck?!#no seriously...what the actual fuck?#anyway look out for each other and try to keep your own corner of the world safe from maga's stink#and don't tune out either because they want to exhaust and beat you
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hear me out on this ok. ROTS AU where Anakin still turns to the dark side but that's Palpatine's problem.
So, Palpatine decides last minute that ehhhh maybe dooku could come in handy later and he doesn't encourage Anakin to kill him, and Dooku gets arrested and imprisoned in the Jedi Temple awaiting trial. (Also he didn't get his hands cut off because of uhh plot reasons?)
Fast forward.
Palpatine is encouraging Anakin towards the Dark side, tells him about Plagueis the Wise, etc. etc. But see, the thing is, Anakin is at the end of his tether, probably hasn't slept more than three hours over the past week, and has no remaining impulse control or inhibitions, and upon hearing that the Dark Side can save people from death, his first thought is, "wait a sec, we've got a Sith Lord in-house at the moment!" and he sprints out of the space opera and books it back to the temple.
Now, Dooku has been calmly waiting in Temple custody, confident that Darth Sidious will arrange his escape. But THEN Anakin barges into the cell like OMG THE CHANCELLOR TOLD ME THE SITH KNOW HOW TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM DYING AND I'M HAVING DREAMS ABOUT SOMEONE DYING AND I NEED YOUR HELP TO SAVE THEM
At which point, Dooku realizes Palpatine's plan. He's going to tempt Skywalker to the Dark side and REPLACE DOOKU. this is totally uncool.
So he's like "...who are you dreaming about, exactly?"
Anakin freezes. He can't admit it's Padme because their relationship is top-secret and he can't admit how important she is to him so he tries to think of a good fib and goes "uhhhh OBI-WAN! Obi-Wan, it's Obi-Wan, I'm dreaming about Obi-Wan dying-" and he just throws himself into the drama because now he IS imagining obi-wan dying because Obi-Wan is fighting grievous at the moment and he MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE and that's in addition to Padme dying and he's totally spiraling at this point- "pleasepleaseplease you gotta help me he's like the only father i've ever known I don't know what i'll do without obi-wan I have to save him YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT TO DO I'LL DO ANYTHING--"
Dooku begins to smile.
(Would stealing Skywalker out from under his Master's nose be petty? Oh, yeah.)
(But it would also be very, very satisfying.)
---
Obi-Wan calls in to a council meeting to report his defeat of Grievous, but before he can say so, Mace announces that Dooku has escaped and the Sith Master has been killed.
Silence falls between the eleven councilmembers (eleven, not twelve, because their newest one is conspicuously absent. Obi-Wan wonders just what Anakin's up to now. Honestly, that boy will be the death of him.)
Obi-Wan clears his throat.
"...indeed," he says, trying to handle the shocking news with composure. "Well... at least we're down to one Sith, now."
Another awkward pause.
"Yeah, about that--" Mace begins.
#Dooku totes anakin back to the Separatists but Anakin's loyalty has really only ever been to like 3 people so he kinda doesn't care#as long as he doesn't have to fight obi-wan or ahsoka he's cool with it#his favorite part of the job is when he has to 'kidnap' padme and/or their kids for uhhhh Political Reasons#and they get to hang out as a family#obi-wan is always the one sent to 'rescue' padme#the rescues mostly consist of obi-wan rolling his eyes while Anakin and Padme draw out a goodbye longer than a midwesterner#(secretly obi-wan thinks it's kinda funny)#also as Anakin is now a Sith he learns about all the Sithly Plans including the clone chips and he immediately panics#'THIS COULD HURT OBI-WAN OR AHSOKA WE HAVE TO STOP IT'#and offers free healthcare (aka chip removal) to all clones on separatist planets (including active warzones) and somehow it works?#despite being the most drama-queen Jedi out there Anakin somehow becomes the most chill sith ever#like he will absolutely fly off the handle if anyone threatens Obi-Wan or Padme or Ahsoka but he's not into the causing-suffering thing#(which I know isn't how the dark side works really but for the purpose of funnyness yes it is)#he's pretty calm in general though! still wants to help people!#dooku sends him to conquer a republic planet that's fighting the separatists and he gets there and he's like#WELL OF COURSE THEY'RE FIGHTING US! LOOK AT ALL THE PROBLEMS WE'RE CAUSING FOR THEM! THEIR ECONOMY IS IN SHAMBLES!#*to the planetary leaders* don't worry I know someone in the Senate who can help with relief aid. in the meantime let's talk treaties!#when he gets back dooku is like YOU ARE A *SITH* YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CAUSE *SUFFERING*#and Anakin is like I TIED ALL THEIR SHOELACES TOGETHER WITH THE FORCE WHILE WE WERE IN DIPLOMATIC MEETINGS WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?#jessica's random thoughts#star wars au
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... Will you guys please let me talk about hgduo/gossipduo/mockingjays/ whatever they are called a little more pleaseeeeeeeeee, they make me unwell and I want to get my thoughts about them out of my head- or more specifically about them from Bad's point of view!
There's a familial air to it, but it's just not true to define it like that- and that doesn't make what they DO have any less powerful or significant- They have a unique bond and that continues to be true, even during painful times like this.
Cellbit WAS Bad's responsibility at one point, and that time came and went- he got him through the war and into adulthood ( aka 18 years old or close to it.) They meet again as old friends and generally respect each other as such... but even so Bad can't deny he still feels some duty to watch over the man once he starts crumbling- much like how Cellbit as well can't help but reach out to Bad during this time.
but there's limits.
like- Bad for years had and still wants to protect Cellbit, he's had an influence on him, he taught him how to survive, he himself acknowledges he has some responsibility over Cellbit, looking at Cellbit right now feels like looking in a mirror, he doesn't like having to give up on him, but if it's between him and the kids he's choosing the kids every time... and he knows there is no simple way to save someone who refuses to let themself be saved.
And it hurts! It hurts seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to let him burn! It hurts watching someone he cares for falling down the same path he is! It hurts knowing he's hurting others the way it did for him seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to choose his kids over his protege/ student/ former responsibility/ the kid he watched over years ago/ old friend/ his 'something'!
Like, cc!Bad brought up this internal mental tier list that q!Bad has- I still deeply believe that q!Cellbit is quite high up there even if he'll never be at the level his kids are at- like he loves Cellbit enough that he ACTUALLY CONSIDERED putting parts of his months long plan at risk to save him- even if it was just during the stress of that moment that still means a LOT from Bad- but he was always going to choose his kids in the end!
Based on what I know of q!Bad (which is admitably not a lot lol) there is next to nothing that'd convince him to give up on his kids- with Cellbit he's able to see that he can't help him because Cellbit sadly does not want to be saved- and for Bad that means he simply has to accept it even if he really doesn't like it- the emotions from that night have processed and he's looking at the situation from a more logical and resolute perspective. If it means him and Cellbit may one day clash, then with a heavy sigh so be it....
but if it was Dapper or Pomme... I just don't feel certain in saying he'd be able to come to that conclusion, especially not after one night. Even if it would be the 'smart' thing to do. It's one of the key differences between the dynamic he has with them vs Cellbit...
But, in a perfect situation, he would've done everything to save them both.
Anyway thanks for reading, posting this at hell hours so my beloved mutuals won't see my hgduo ramblings but tagging this anyway for other people to see LMAO-
#mockingjays#hgduo#gossipduo#qsmp#badboyhalo#cellbit#God it's honestly a major problem how in love with this dynamic I am because I rly don't feel like I know shit about Bad or Cellbit LOL#like I enjoy both of their characters a lot but I feel so uncertain about actually ever talking about them- I enjoy them a LOT#but I don't think I have the best grasp on them as characters compared to others- wish I did though!#esp. Cellbit despite having been in love with his character since he joined- hence why I talk more about Bad's point of view LOL#wish I knew more Portuguese so I could 'get' q!Cellbit more I love him </3#I always feel scared talking about them because their other fans just get them way better then I do- I'm just hyperfixing over one aspect!#one last comment I do generally feel like they have a similar view of one another of like-but recently I feel like Cellbit wants to view Ba#as something closer to a parental figure- consciously or not- but he still doesn't see him as family- at least not in his past#They were two dudes doing whatever it took to survive- but still he was a child and Bad was the adult he looked up to!#longpost
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like, archives used to be THE BIGGEST overwatch event for me because it was the most we got in terms of in-game lore and i just genuinely enjoyed playing them (retribution, my beloved), but invasion? don't know her. i refuse to pay for it and not only do i not regret not getting to play it - i haven't even bothered to check the gameplay on youtube. this is how uninterested i am in the game these days. so yeah, the fumbled overwatch big time.
THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING THIS IS THE REALEST THING EVER
genuinely always felt like such a treat going to play the archive missions uuuggghhh i miss her so bad........ there will never be such a fumble for a videogame than ow this i'm absolutely certain
#overwatch#overwatch 2#ask#this is so true tho! i havent looked up gameplay either and i dont really know what happens in that#because I Too refuse to buy it. i generally just have a No Buy rule when it comes to blizzard#not like i ever bought anything besides the game when it first came out but its just exemplified nowadays#dropping the ball on PVE is something ill truly never get over like... come on man....#that was THE MOST hyped about thing AND FOR GOOD REASON!!!!#i'm not saying the PVE was going to expand on some interactions like cassidy to 76 about hanamura#but it COULDVE... and now we will DEFINITELY never know what the hell that meant#outside of PVE though like that's what i mean- there's SO many interesting little lore bits with overwatch#but blizzard's just so careless with it that it's all gone to waste with no where to go#not that it's rock solid lest we all forget. Kiriko.#should i make a post on kiriko because she's such a funny unfortunate character and it's really sad but anyways#i don't want to prattle too long POINT IS. you get me#i miss the archives.........
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I've been thinking a lot about art and why it doesn't feel good anymore, and a lot of what I keep coming back to is a) simply not being happy with my style, but b) not feeling comfortable experimenting because I feel like I need things to be """post worthy""" 🙄 so like... it's kind of a vicious cycle lmao so I'm heeding the advice I used to give people trying to overcome perfectionism which was "don't worry about making things that are 'good enough' to post and just post everything."
So... some vague style experimenting 🤷♂️ and also a sketch of Ilya from forever ago that I really liked but kept thinking I would come back and do more with.
#ghost city#maksim girard#ilya kasharin#I forgot Maksim's tattoos AND his little neck ridges in the headshots but oh welllllll#artbyrom#me: my struggles with art are deeply rooted and totally unique to me and I could never hope to explain them to anyone else#-describes two of the most common struggles for artists on social media ever-#I'm still happy with my general approach to lineart and the flat colors with minimal accent shading#and I even really like the thing I've done a couple times now of selectively coloring the lineart#so the issue I'm having is with like... the fundamental base of the art 😬#so many of the artists I really admire have very minimalist highly stylized ways of drawing people and I want so badly to pursue that#I never really wanted my art to have this more semi-realistic look to it :| but I'm like...#I don't feel confident in my ability to portray a specific face unless I detail it to hell and back#I need to find a way to get comfortable with forms that are more... representational#fuck.... y'know a lot of it might come down to how outspoken my ex was about how much he disliked simplistic and representational styles#lol. lmao.
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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#another bonus under the cut where i got up under their big head to get 'em a little closer and a little more front-facing#aggron#aggron is just cool. a big metal bitch who *could* hug you but is probably actually just gonna obliterate you. is that anything#i think i prefer lairon more. it's kinda just a little metal creature and i think that's awesome but aggron stands up#and normally i'm a big big fan of when pokémon stand up. when everyone wanted sprigatito to not stand up i was like#please stand up. because i am a furry and i knew it was gonna become favorite pokémon material if it did. and it did and meowscarada is#wonderful and i love it and it's one of my top like 10 of all time. but aggron is like. i dunno. a little too gruff for me#i think aron and lairon are cute and i'm generally a fan of and user of cute pokémon but aggron is very. how you say. aggressive#and also… ron… aggressive ron. new show on netflix i just reinvented aggretsuko but for pokémon#also weirdly every furry on the face of the earth likes aggretsuko but for one i've never had a netflix account and for two i just#don't ever watch shows. it's just not something that works in my brain. having to get them‚ and then just taking the time to sit down and do#it just never does anything for me. the last show i watched was because i was over at a friend's house and he was like hey. we're watching#this show now. i want you to see this show. and it's a show that folks generally lamented for a lot of reasons so i was like iii dunno about#that one! but he was like no trust me it's fine. and then i was like. kinda uninterested at first but it turned out to be really good#and i'm still ashamed. that i liked it as much as i did. so i will not say what it is. it's not supernatural. it's a short-ish show#but like it was good and i didn't expect it to be. which has nothing to do with aggretsuko OR with aggron for that matter#literally idk. look it's distraction (AGGRON DISTRACTION)
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I can't take it anymore
#as I was walking my dog these boys started 'following us and throwing water balloons at me#and I'm being generous with 'boys'. they were old enough to understand that what they were doing was wrong (at least 15-16 years old)#why is such behavior deemed ok? why do some people think it's ok to harras someone?#is it something I did? is it me? do I look like a target?#this isn't the first time something like that happens to me#one time some guys (at least 20 years old) started throwing little rocks and berries at me while i was walking to go home#is it funny? to make people uncomfortable? to harras them? humiliate them? what did I do? what did my dog do?#I just. I can't. I don't want to go out again#i hate it here#i hate it so much#I wish people would stop being so mean-spirited for no reason#your actions have consequences#but what actions did I do? what do I do wrong?#I don't think I was ever bullied but there are some instances that look surprising much like bullying was happening and I was the victim#I can't even enjoy my adult life#sorry for rambling#text#not art#me complaining#and I'm sitting here alone crying over it now :( at least gizmo is with me
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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Thinking about that one post I saw in passing way before I made this account that like was a confession blog and the confession was like
"I think Illuminata isn't romanceable because she falls in love with Amber"
or something like that and like the only comment was somebody saying like "ew, how dare you make me look at this"
Anyway I think Illuminata/Amber would be pretty cute
#rune factory 4#RF4#Rf4 Amber#Rf4 Illuminata#Amber/Illuminata#Gotta make sure my shipping tendencies are known from the start so no gets surprised by them later#and so i don't fall into the trap of don't be myself don't be myself like i did when I tried to use twt years ago kdhflkd#I know from what I've seen some people are very weird about Amber like in general though and to a smaller extent Kiel too#My logic has and always will be if you can marry them they are adults idc how they look idc how they act marriable means they are an adult#and infantilizing adult characters will never not bug me(ha)#(because Ambers a bug)#like does she act childish? yeah very much so but so does my 26year old ass so i just cant hold it against her#like have you considered that maybe she's just a little??/j (though it would be a very easy explanation. our girls just always in headspace#or maybe you she's just neurodivergent? ADHD girlypop bug girl??? ever considered that???#i don't even have any real thoughts on Illuminata/Amber this is mostly out of pettyness#like they live together#the butterfly and the flower girl#they could make for a really cute Fairy!Au#like a modern au where Illuminata finds a tired fairy!Amber in her garden and helps her? that sounds cute#anyway I want Amber to just drop that she's actually like 30 one day i just think it would be really funny#“Why do you act like that then?” “It's Fuunn!!”
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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