#me: my struggles with art are deeply rooted and totally unique to me and I could never hope to explain them to anyone else

[antisocialxconstruct]

I've been thinking a lot about art and why it doesn't feel good anymore, and a lot of what I keep coming back to is a) simply not being happy with my style, but b) not feeling comfortable experimenting because I feel like I need things to be """post worthy""" 🙄 so like... it's kind of a vicious cycle lmao so I'm heeding the advice I used to give people trying to overcome perfectionism which was "don't worry about making things that are 'good enough' to post and just post everything."

So... some vague style experimenting 🤷‍♂️ and also a sketch of Ilya from forever ago that I really liked but kept thinking I would come back and do more with.

[hogwartsfirebolt]

Hello everyone! I’m back for my (omg time flies) third yearly drarry rec list, in which I share with you my 30 favorite drarry fics I read in the year, divided in three parts. What a year 2020 was. It was challenging, scary and confusing, and it was also an amazing reading year for me, I read so, so much more than I ever had before, and I’m really excited to share these masterpieces with you! The banner art is by @dragontamerdame who is one of my favorite artists and was kind enough to let me use this beautiful piece, which you can (and totally should) reblog right here. Now, with nothing else to add and in no particular order, here’s my

FAVORITE FICS I READ IN 2020 PART ONE

1. Who we are in the shadows - @quicksilvermaid - 100k - E - What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost. But nothing is exactly as it seems. Not even Harry himself. And as he gets drawn further and further into Malfoy's world of honour and deception he finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew—about his childhood nemesis, the Ministry job he misses so much, and most of all, about himself. What happens when you’re forced to see that you were wrong?

THIS FIC!!! It was the first one I read in 2020, and it immediately became my favorite fic of the entire year, and one of my favorites of all time. I have since read it two more times, the entire 100k of it. There are absolutely no words to describe how amazing it is, how much it floored me to read their characterizations, their jobs and the roads life took them on to end up where they end up, the connection between them in a time when they don’t even know how to relate to anyone, their sorrow and struggles which, despite being so rooted in the magical world, are painfully human, just... wow. It’s a masterpiece. It changed the way I view their characters, forever, and I suspect I will read it many, many more times in the years to come. It’s that kind of story. If for whatever reason you haven’t read it, this is your sign to take that chance and embark on this amazing journey. 

2. Every Kingdom - @thistle-verse - 7k - E - Every kingdom needs a prince. Every prince needs a good and useful knight. Draco and Harry play their parts and renegotiate some borders while they’re at it.

So, so lovely. Even though I don’t read them very often, alternate universes fascinate me so much, and I am in awe of the author for being able to pack so, so much story, so neatly into 7k words. This features a princely, lonesome Draco, a charming, golden Harry, and a blossoming love that could change everything. It’s beautiful, and I recommend it deeply.

3. The Bucket List - GallaPlacidia - 32k - Draco will die in six months if he can't get Harry Potter to fall in love with him. Since that's not going to happen, he might as well spend his last days working through his Bucket List. Tap-dancing lessons? Rock climbing? Poetry-writing? Threesomes? Cocaine? Getting to know his adorable cousin, Teddy Lupin? Draco will try them all! Feat. Cheerily pessimistic Draco, devoted bitch queen Pansy Parkinson, and a Harry who can't help but notice that something seems DIFFERENT about Draco, these days.

I’m positive that many, many of us got acquainted with GallaPlacidia’s writing this year, and I, too, fell in love with it. This story aches in the most beautiful of ways, the humor happens to be somehow light in such a difficult circumstance that it ends up hurting when you laugh, it hurts when everything is right because it’s also wrong, it aches when it’s supposed to be a happy moment and feels tender and sweet when it’s not. I can’t even imagine the challenge of writing this kind of story, and they pulled it off beautifully. It’s a lovely story, one you will take with you long after you finish it, and, personally, I think it’s a great introduction to the author’s writing. 

4. halcyon days - @the-starryknight - 1.3k - T - Sleepy mornings caught while the sun rises are reserved for silly word games and soft touches and feelings.

Oh my god, the amount of tenderness in such a low wordcount made me weak in the knees. I almost couldn’t take it. Being able to convey such a deep emotional connection in a short story seems like such a daunting task, and the author makes it seem almost effortless. I guarantee that this will make you bring your hands to your chest and sigh with how lovely it is. Reading it will be the best ten minutes of your day. 

5. Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon - @drarrytrash - 37k - E - According to Harry’s personal narrative regarding the incident, he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy for purely self-destructive reasons, or out of convenience, or by some unlucky accident. Looking at him, sprawled in the moonlight, Harry is devastated to recall that he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy because he’s hot. Draco is a secret werewolf and Harry is doing his best and they've got criminals to catch, darn it.

Reading this, I found myself laughing out loud, nodding profusely with how freaking spot on the characterizations are. The dialogue is amazing, so hilarious and real and Harry’s inner monologue is so, so him. I love everything about this story. I have a soft spot for werewolf fic, and this one hit everything I love about it, the case is interesting and engaging, the incidental characters, the OCs, Ron and Hermione, everyone and everything is absolutely perfect and I had an absolute blast reading it. You HAVE to read this and see for yourself what I’m talking about. 

6. Sex Ed for Aurors - curiouslyfic - 8k - M - Some things, you need to learn on the job.

Oh my god this is so freaking good. The premise is, basically, that Harry is accidentally doused with a lust potion while in the vicinity of Draco, and suddenly wants him more than anything. I loved this take on that trope, we’re in Harry’s head, and it’s absolutely hilarious and endearing to experience the near childish glee he feels whenever Draco looks his way, when he smiles, when he feels he’s made him happy, meanwhile Draco and Ron are horrified and doing whatever they can to correct it. This is so funny and such a good time, I can’t recommend it enough! While you’re at it, you should definitely read megyal’s remix of this, which is also a blast. 

7. plasticine porters with looking-glass ties - @bonesliketambourines - 15K - E - Lately, Harry thinks things don’t seem the same between him and Draco. His head is in the clouds when he thinks about what their relationship is now, and where it might be headed—he’s happy with their friendship, but he wants something else. A potions accident over a lunchtime visit to Draco’s lab (what does he get up to in there, anyway?) changes things, though, and accelerates their relationship faster than either of them had ever expected. How are they going to get through this new development together?

Atmospheric, beautifully-written and delicious. Their relationship is tender, just on the edge of something more, when they’re forced to quarantine together and face the effects of a potion that makes them see and feel things differently, which makes for the most intense, visual, gorgeous sex scene I think I’ve ever read. It’s just absolutely phenomenal. 

8. i wake up falling - warmfoothills - 9k - M - Draco’s always leaving, one way or another. Harry’s usually 240 thousand miles too late.

In trying to come up with a way to summarize this story, I’m feeling the overwhelming urge to cry again, just like I did when I read it. It’s just so, so, beautiful, every single word of it aches in the best way, the longing feels deeply authentic and just, the setting and the jobs and everything is so unique and gorgeous. Every single work by this author is beyond beautiful, but especially this one is incredibly close to my heart and I think everyone should read it. It’s a gem. 

9. In Every Universe - @skeptiquewrites - 27k - M - They sent Professor Harry Potter to search for Unspeakable Draco Malfoy. Draco has stolen a Firebird, an experimental magical device from the Department of Mysteries that lets you enter parallel universes as yourself. As Harry traverses from universe to universe, he begins to think Draco might be the one searching for him. A story about whether knowing what's possible makes it possible.

Stories where the characters find themselves somehow hopping from one reality to another are always so, so fascinating to me, and this one is incredibly creative and well-written, so entertaining all around. The mystery of it kept me on my toes, and every single reality was a joy to read. 10/10

10. Life goes not backward - @shealwaysreads - 8k - T - Harry still isn’t used to gifts, but this one is different. A story of coming home, finding safe ground, and the wild courage of putting down roots. Leaving one life behind isn’t always a sacrifice, and sometimes the greatest good comes from embracing the people you love.

My god, there are not enough words to describe how much this story means to me, how beautiful it is, how every single time I’ve read it, I’ve cried. Bella has undoubtedly become one of my absolute favorite writers in fandom. She has such a way with words, there is not one of her stories that hasn’t touched me, that doesn’t feel like an actual, full-length novel no matter the word count. I read so many of them this year, so many of the masterpieces she’s gifted us, but this one especially is so tender, so dear, that I ended up choosing it as my favorite of hers this year. Harry’s charactertization, the unbelievable warmth of their relationship, absolutely everything about this is gorgeous. Go read it, right now, and then binge all her other works!! You won’t regret it.

---------------------------------

Each of these fics is incredibly close to my heart and I enjoyed them immensely. In the midst of everything changing, I really found comfort and solace in the amazing works of the people of this fandom. I hope they give you the same amount of warmth and comfort they gave me, and I’m ALWAYS here to gush about any of them ❤️ Happy New Year! 

[numbertouch]

Hi, my bday is 24th April 1998.. i really need u to describe me

Hi rosfleurie :

04+24+1998= 2026=10/1 Life Path 1

4+6+9 = Secondary Life Path 19/1

Day of birth: 24/6

Period Cycle n°1 until 27: 4

Pinnacle Cycle n°1 until 35: 28/1

Minor Challenge n°1: 2

Major Challenge: 3

Essence number: 6

All calculations derived from the birthday show what you’ll have to face in life. These numbers will shape your personality throughout life. To draw some conclusions, you’ll need to compare these numbers to those derived from your names.

So, you have Life Path 1. It’s generally a smooth life path. If you’re steady enough, you should find success. Life Path 1 means success, but only if you develop some of the 1′s characteristics such as competitiveness, authority, uniqueness. Don’t hesitate to stand out of the crowd, be original even if it means being disapproved. Life Path 1s are pioneers so they can never totally fit into society’s criteria. Hence they’re alone and misunderstood, especially when it comes to love relationships. 1s are perfectionist warriors.

Your main Life Path breaks down to 10, which means full success. However, 19 is present as your secondary life path.19 is a karmic number. It shows great independence but also a strong stubbornness. To overcome it, you’ll have to learn to rely on people.

Your day of birth softens the 1′s strong side. 24/6 will channel you towards family, roots, arts, beauty, harmony, emotions. Your talents are found in business, arts. Relationships are essential here which might be compromised by 1. However, 1 and 6 is an excellent combination when it comes to art jobs.

Period cycle 4 denotes a limited, somewhat sad atmosphere. Patience, discipline, sluggishness, coldness from people are to be found. But it’s a good period to improve your skills. You’ll just need to be patient and regular, and, no, sure, it’s not easy, but it always pays off.

Pinnacle cycle 1 related to a Life Path 1 shows tension at home, many activities, turmoil, and struggles. You may tend to be impulsive and take unnecessary risks. Be wise, breathe deeply. Also, your current pinnacle cycle is derived from 28, a lucky number. It will make things easier.

Minor Challenge 2 is focused on relationships, emotions, imagination to harness. Major Challenge 3 is all about communication, creativity. You will learn a lot through working and living with people.

Essence number is 6 (again ;) ). It reveals how crucial it is to make the right choice. Thinking, listening to advice will help you a lot.

To sum up, I find that relationships are quite a challenge here. Finding a balance between your identity, your opinions, your creativity, and expressing it, maintaining harmony with people is never easy. But once you understand it, it will be okay. Now, the last thing to do is to compare your name numbers.  They will soften or strengthen what was said.

[gibsonmusicart]

Turning Your Story From Pain to Profits

People often ask me how I got started writing one-person shows and I’ve never been able to quite, definitively nail down a concrete answer. Oftentimes I’ve said, "out of artistic necessity," and while that is an absolute truth, it’s only part of the answer. Although I had been a professional actor in Los Angeles, for many, many, many years, I felt like I wasn’t landing the caliber of roles that showcased my unique set of skills. I was an actor who could sing. I had superb comedic timing and I could conjure up such emotional depth in characters that allows me the ability to be totally present, and if need be, authentically cry on a dime. I also possess the rare ability to portray many different walks-of-life from the seediest of characters to the noblest of gentlemen. Why wasn’t I working? Early in my career I had booked a few leads in several independent films, and guest-starred in many television shows, but most of those roles did not lead to more fulfilling parts or a steady acting career. I was at a stalemate and did not know how to dig myself out of the trenches. It wasn’t until a former acting teacher, who knew I was also a writer, asked, "Why aren’t you writing material for yourself?" I thought about the question a while, and honestly didn’t have a concrete answer. So, I responded by saying, "I don’t know." I had never really thought about it. I had written a few books, articles and plays for others, but the thought of writing something specifically for me never crossed my mind. In fact, my first thought was that it seemed a little bit egocentric. Then I started thinking about film actors/directors I admired like Sylvester Stallone, Robert Townsend, Matt Damon, Barbara Streisand, and Spike Lee. These artists had the tenacity to create film projects for themselves when Hollywood wasn’t banging down their doors. But I didn’t have any money or the knowledge of how to get a film script made into a movie. However, I did innately understand theatre, so I set out to develop a stage play for myself. That turned out to be a daunting task as well. It wasn’t until I was introduced to the works of Roger Guenveur Smith, Whoopi Goldberg, Lilli Tomlin and John Leguizamo that a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, "I could do that." However, that "Ah ha," moment was easier said, then done. First off, who wants to perform an hour and a half long monologue? The thought of trying to memorize pages and pages of the dialogue was intimidating enough to make me want to give up before I even started. Especially since, even though I was an actor and trained to memorize lines, I didn’t have the best long-term memory. As I continued to "toy," with the idea, I relaxed my racing mind and finally got around to, "What would I write about?" What I discovered was; I had a lot to say and even more to write. I started thinking about the essays and emails I had written and the topics I passionately spoke about with family and friends. Then it became clear that I would write about the plight of urban education. Alas, my first solo show, Did You Do Your Homework? was born. However, crafting it wasn’t easy. I knew I had something important to say and that getting it out of my head onto the page would be vital in developing the story, but I really had no clue how to start. Everything seemed to be jumbled up and every time I sat sit down to begin, I always found myself getting stuck in a "brain freeze." Frustrated, because I knew I had a story to tell, I almost allowed myself to give up. Then I thought to myself, "I need to approach writing this piece from a different perspective." I can’t start by simply writing the story from beginning to end. I have to first, alleviate my frustration by purging my head and hashing out all the ideas I have in it. Then I thought, "How do I do that?" The answer, "brainstorming." Once I got all my ideas on paper, I could physically see them and go about organizing and arranging them, piece by piece, into an "outline," that was cohesive and chronological. It was only then, that I could begin writing my story. But it didn’t stop there, because what I found, after my first couple of drafts, was that even though my story had a lot of content and interesting characters, it had no heart. It had no deep, pressing purpose or reason why I was telling the story and what made this story so uniquely personal to me. It had no depth. What I discovered was that I had not made the story deeply personal to me. It did not contain what made me a uniquely giving and passionate individual and artist. Even though I intellectually knew that by doing so, would make my story stronger and more affable to audiences, I didn’t want to be that vulnerable. I didn’t want to risk opening up my heart and letting complete strangers in. I wrote, Did You Do Your Homework? out of a need to talk about urban education. Most importantly I wrote this show so that educators could recognize, that although urban kids sometimes come to school with a myriad of social, economic and physical issues, at their core, many of them want the same things out of life as everyone else. They just may not know how to access their own feelings and ambitions because of the trauma they may be dealing with on a daily basis. They haven’t been taught to dream. I was once one of those urban kids who had gone through and survived trauma. I was physically and mentally abused and as a result used drugs and alcohol to numb my pain through middle and high school. In high school, I would go to school all bruised up and sleep through my first-period class because I had been up all night, taking extreme blows to my chest, in order to keep my step-father off of my mom. I would then sleep through the sixth period because I needed the rest and the strength for the night to come. I suffered in silence. My ninth-grade teacher would constantly kick me out of class if I showed up late or slept in her first period. It wasn’t until I got to tenth grade and had a teacher by the name of Jim Underhill who recognized that there was more to me than just the appearance of defiant behavior. He lifted my spirits by encouraging me to be and do more than what I thought was physically possible. He, along with my mom, constantly reinforced the notion that there’s greatness inside me, even when I didn’t believe it. Once I actualized my perspective on why I needed to tell this story and how teachers needed to remove all preconceived notions of who and what urban students are, then I had a way into the hearts and minds of my audiences. They could relate to the struggles and pains of physical and substance abuse and how a man struggling with his own demons is trying to make a difference in the world. At first glance Did You Do Your Homework? is a 12-character solo show about the bureaucracy of urban education and one substitute teacher’s journey through the inner dealings of an urban classroom. However, once you peel back the onion, it becomes a human being’s way of recognizing pain and using it as a catalyst to heal and inspire students going through seemingly insurmountable odds. I wrote this play having been a former teacher. Initially, it was a means to an end. A way to showcase my talents as an actor, singer, and writer. It was also a way for me to use social commentary to perform and talk about issues that were important to me. What I discovered during the writing process was the more it became deeply personal the more authentic and profound my script became. The result; a show, that was slated for one weekend, ran 9 months at the Beverly Hills Playhouse, making it the longest-running show in the history of that organization. It also amassed national and international, critical acclaim, and garnered several awards, including an International Gala Star from Bacau, Romania, a Roar of the Crowd recognition from Goldstar, and an NAACP Theatre Award. This came to fruition because I made a conscious decision to open my heart and let the story I had inside me out. By telling my own deeply personal narrative, from my perspective, in a voice that was uniquely mine, I unleashed my own power, motivated others, and authentically moved audiences. I said, "YES!" took a leap of faith and jumped. It is the best decision I have ever made involving the empowered trajectory of my career. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way and forge your own path in order to fulfill your true passion. You’ve got to, "Jump without a net, and let your conscious passion guide your subconscious dreams into figuring out how you are going to fly." Everyone has a story. What is yours? Whether you feel your life has been ordinary, extraordinary or somewhere in between, you have a life experience that warrants the probability of connecting with and inspiring others. Most people think they have nothing to say. They think their lives are boring, monotonous, or mundane. That there is nothing special about them that would warrant people paying attention, let alone paying money, to sit and watch their story unfold. When I hear people say, "I don’t have anything to write about," "I have nothing to say," or "My life is boring," it drives me nuts because those statements cannot be further from the truth. They’re unreal and firmly rooted in fear. Storytelling is an art that encourages personal narrative. How many people think they do not have anything to write about? How many think they have nothing to say? How many think their lives are boring, meaningless or mundane? Millions! Saying, "I have nothing…," connects you with a community of folks who feel invisible, isolated, undervalued, and even worthless. How many of us have felt this way at one time or another in our lives? I know I have. How many people have said, "There, but for the grace of God…," in recognition that other’s misfortune could have been our own? That statement alone connects us with the experiences of others. So, instead, start with, "I have nothing to say." What you will discover is that you will instantly connect and draw in people who will hear that statement tugging at their heartstrings. The reason; so many people feel that way. It is that simple. What is the story you want to tell and how do you authentically want to create it from your perspective? You are unique. Whatever the topic or subject matter, no one has your life experiences or point of view. No one can tell your story, from your perspective, better than YOU. The real purpose of your life is to fulfill your dreams. Your only responsibility in this process is to fully commit to your own joy and challenge yourself to go beyond what is comfortable. The time is "now," to develop your creative abilities and finally step into your true artistic greatness. Exercise your mind to get out of its own way and turn your "pain," from "passion," to "profits."

Source: ArticleBiz .com

[sabinafys-blog]

A Conversation With Now

High heels, red lipstick, a form fitting dress, Chanel perfume, and dainty necklaces; basically Carrie Bradshaw on a night out with Mr. Big. (For those of you who have not seen Sex and the City, my sincerest apologies. I highly recommend this show if you wish to be entertained by the problematic and frivolous complications of straight relationships in the very fashionable New York City of the 90’s.) When I think of what my grandmother thought of femininity, this iconic image comes into my mind. As a child I was never handed this idea of womanhood by my parents, they were careful to craft my notions of the feminine mystique as a unique thought of my own, something I had complete and undeniable control over. And yet as I grew and my impressionable mind began to stray from the confines of my family, this icon of the petite, beautiful woman sauntering around on the arm of a much taller, much wealthier man began to creep into my worldview. What was I supposed to be as a woman? When did I become a woman and not a girl? Why did material items seem to define me? What is a woman? Who am I? I felt these questions looming over me every single day, and I saw them illuminated in the lives of other women around me. I felt it when the playground became a defining factor between the boys playing sports and the girls drawing flowers with chalk. I felt it when I was suspended in middle school for wearing a “skimpy outfit” that was “distracting” to my teachers. I feel it today with everyone I meet. The notion of woman has divided our society, our gender ideals, our workplaces, and our homes. Today more than ever we are deconstructing this feminine mystique and rebuilding and reclaiming it as something powerful. Yet it begs the question; if the Carrie Bradshaw, Holly Golightly, and Scarlett O’Hara are left behind, where do the old concepts of femininity and femme aesthetics fit into a modern, progressive society? Can we rid ourselves of internalized gender norms and beauty standards and still embrace femininity?

It often seems that women are therefore left with two options; to fully embrace femininity and risk the degrading and lesser social status, or to completely reject feminine stereotypes and become feared, disliked, and even harmed. These options, however, assume that women even have the choice in whether or not they can express themselves, when often men are granted the ability to define them before they define themselves. In James Tiptree Jr.’s short story, “The Women Men Don’t See”, gender norms and femininity are addressed through the perspective of a man whose patriarchal views are highly internalized and suppressed. His misogyny is exhibited through his train-of-thought narration, defining the two women he interacts with in terms of his preconceptions of femininity before they have the chance to define themselves. As he narrates their motions this becomes clear, “I have [her] figured now; Mother Hen protecting only chick from male predators... The damn women haven’t complained once... They’re like something out of a manual.” (Machado 5) He views the women as products of his preconceptions of female attitudes and actions, and becomes so easily angered as he takes on opinions from such a patriarchal standpoint. The narrator delineates both women’s expression in terms of the oppressive state they operate within. He views the women as commodities, as women have historically been told to be. This state that he confines them to is not unlike the state that even women operating well under capitalism exist under. The women are defined in terms of how men can use them; in terms of their ‘objective’ beauty, their bodies, and their potential for being a wife and mother. Tiptree’s story enables us to understand the inherent oppression that comes with simply being women, these same notions of gender that make women into sex objects, in the most literal sense of the phrase. The way that men conform to patriarchy in turn affects the way women conform, and internalize the roles and characteristics we believe we are supposed to abide by. In thinking about the evolution of femininity this story further emphasizes how the female identity has been so deeply rooted in capitalist entities.

In a similar manner, in Audre Lorde’s essay, “Poetry Is Not a Luxury”, the concepts of feeling and emotion within the female identity are explored in terms of artistic means. Lorde discusses how conceptualizing our being has often been left to interpretation by men, and our gender constructs as women have been forced into a more emotional, unstable, even frivolous state. Lorde writes, “We see ourselves diminished or softened by the falsely benign accusations of childishness, of non-universality, of self-centeredness, of sensuality.” (Lorde 1) In this way Lorde suggests that we must embrace this realm that women have been subjected to, which often turns to self expression through materialism. She communicates that art can be a mode of self- expression for women, whether that be through fashion or poetry or painting. Even living within a patriarchal state these creative methods become ways to defy, ways to create an outlet for self- actualization. For some this may mean adopting the feminine style that is doctored specifically to cater to the female ideal, for some it means doing the opposite. As art and poetry are made into commodities in our capitalist system, the only way to claim them are to realize their states as inevitable, and hope to recreate them for ourselves. “For within structures defined by profit, by linear power, by institutional dehumanization, our feelings were not meant to survive... But women have survived.” (Lorde 1) To think of this sentiment in terms of femininity as part of the women who have ‘survived’ we can account for and begin to understand the re-realization of the female identity. As women survive, their histories and multitude of identities survive and revive as our societies and ourselves evolve.

In seeking to emphasize our own feminine personas or in the deconstruction of gender identity entirely, this action becomes largely dependent on fashion, beauty, and status. The masculine identity relies more heavily on the absence of these concepts, especially in the stereotypes of the cis straight man. As we have evolved to view gender as a spectrum of emotional and ideological self awareness, materialism maintains a symbol of how we stereotype and identify (whether accurately or problematically) our different identities. Queer fashion and androgynous style emerged as defined by these material items. Drag and gay culture further evolved these concepts, reclaiming femininity in a totally different, and totally fashionable lens. In this culture of commodification and gender-based hierarchy, the female identity has limited opportunity to escape the bounds it has been confined to. In a personal sense, a woman’s self expression is her first form of communication to the outside world; she is always judged first by her appearance, delineating her power, or lack thereof. Women live in an inescapable realm in which her entire identity is judged by her perceptions, from men, from other women, and from her own internalized self judgements. Whether she escapes this by fleeing the earth and being willingly abducted by aliens, as James Tiptree Jr. may suppose, or she uses aesthetic tools to voice her own expression and dissent to her predisposed position in this society as an act of rebellion, female expression and actualization is always a radical act. In claiming and reclaiming any form of a female identity, our reliance on these entities should be evolving with our evolution of gender and social normalcies. Therefore today when part of our country is still grappling with how to defy gender constructs and female subjectivity, and part of our country has completely rid themselves of these, how do we maintain any sense of unity or shared identity? Is that possible without deeming it political, and how can we reclaim our modern gender identities without relying on materialism?

I pose these questions not because I feel that we all have a responsibility to answer them, but because they are issues I grapple with and struggle to comprehend. By crafting them into a single sentence, culminating in a phrase that begs to be answered by nothing short of a doctoral dissertation, I feel that I can begin to explore their possible answers within my own life. I wrote the majority of this essay wearing a very pink, very bold outfit that would have made my childhood self gag. I kept remembering how I had detested the color simply because my conservative grandfather had once told me that I should wear more of it. I felt like a revolutionary nine year old wearing baggy jeans and my dad’s punk band tee shirt, when really I was defying feminine concepts just for the pride I felt in doing so. My material identity had overcome my idealized one, and with time I finally felt at peace embracing the femininity I previously felt so opposed to. I had never wanted to be defined by my gender, and hoped that in reclaiming the femme aesthetic I so loved I could still maintain the tenacious, bold persona I had come to admire within myself. If I was struggling so much in wondering how I could possibly speak my mind so that the people around me focused on my words instead of how I liked to match my lipstick to my outfit, how were others struggling? This thought may seem to some as just as frivolous as the relationship problems Carrie Bradshaw encounters, but I saw them as a universal trend in how we interpret one another.

Within these constraints of the male gaze and oppressive perceptions of women there maintains potential to experiment with and contradict these notions. Art and aesthetics as escapism allow women a way out of their inherent constraints, an outlet for defiance and rebellion. Materialistic culture will always be present within our lives, and the way we manage it may always be unstable and troubling, but it can also be a proclamation of our progressive, bold, and visionary self-identities. Though woman may now be interpreted as a notion, a thought, an ideology, or an outdated label, its application is timeless. The different female and feminine identities will change alongside our politics, literature, and art just as our world does, but we must continue to fight for our subjective identities as parts of who we are, and our gender as secondary. Defining humanity solely in terms of any dichotomous relationship was predestined to fail, but our concepts of femininity, queerness, aesthetics, and culture need not fail with it.

[theatreworksstkilda]

MITCH JONES AND HIS AUTOCANNIBAL

interview in BE MELBOURNE

By K.E. WEBER

Unique, creative, and just a little bit wild, Mitch Jones’ experimental work, AutoCannibal, opens at Theatreworks next month. Drawing together elements of circus, performance art, BDSM culture, and clowning, Jones tackles some significant themes in a meaningful fashion, striving, at times, to shock us out of the more than comfortable stupor some of us seem determined to languish in.

The work is set in a dystopian near future after a complete environmental collapse – one character has survived but there are no natural resources left. No food, no water, no other living creatures. Slowly he goes mad and decides to eat himself. Jones is interested in exploring the impact of human society on our planetary ecosystem through the metaphors of hunger and self-harm, and warns that the work is unexpected, often disturbing and, while it can be quite funny, it is very dark and might make for some uncomfortable moments.

For Jones, the genesis of the work came from the sense of frustration, that he thinks many of us feel, at how pathetic our attempts to address climate change have been.

“I feel compelled to create work that is visceral and at times difficult to watch because there is this angst and sense of futility about our political discourse, where major parties and mainstream media are so obviously protecting the interests of the wealthy, instead of ensuring a future for our planet.,” he says. “I think my work is deeply rooted in satire, and I’m trying to hold a mirror up to society to show us just how ugly we are, in the hope that we might recognize ourselves and be motivated to action.”

As expected, some of the themes running through the work are : futility, self sabotage, stupidity, and selfishness.

Jones believes it is important for us to address the kind of cynical apathy that we are burdened with here. “So many of us simply say “fuck it” to making better choices, when it becomes convenient for us – whether it is having another smoke, or walking past the hungry homeless person on the corner, or getting in the car instead of riding a bike, or buying another plastic bag when we’ve forgotten our reusable one. We say “fuck it – what does it really matter?” because that’s what we’re being indoctrinated into – that the only available method for change is through consumerism, which on a deeper level feels futile anyway, and reinforces our cynicism,” he says.

So, in this work, he’s taken these themes and tried to play them out to their absurdly illogical conclusions.

Jones acknowledges that the work definitely contains some disturbing images, but, he adds, that these are tempered by the satirical sense of cartoonish absurdity in which they are presented. Interestingly though, Jones confesses that even he sometimes finds it hard to watch himself performing these scenes. “I find myself thinking “What are you doing, you idiot!”‘

The element of circus seems to be used as a kind of leveler where the Autocannibal is capable of these extraordinary physical feats, but, the sense of spectacle has been removed so they become these ‘weird and pointless behaviors.’

“In terms of its visceral content, there is a heavy influence from kink and fetish in the way that the physical body is seen as this zone of emotional exploration through punishment and pain,” says Jones about the influence on one’s senses. ” One of the key feelings I keep returning to is this idea of flesh, overwhelming, tied up in knots, like the kind that you see in Francis Bacon’s paintings. This fleshy smear of humanity, hanging in the void. “

The idea of using self harm as a metaphor for environmental destruction is not one used often and could have the potential of being seen as divisive or perhaps insensitive but, for Jones, the genesis of the idea came form a very personal experience.

“The idea occurred to me while I was dealing with my own issues of alcoholism and substance addiction, while also seeing people in my community struggle and succumb to these patterns,” he says. “I started thinking about how humans are unique as a species in being able to consciously choose to destroy themselves and the question arose “why do we do things that we know are bad for us?” This really was the seed for the show because I wanted to explore how this pattern occurs on many levels – individual, social and indeed with climate change, globally. ”

“There is this terrible grief that comes from mourning preventable loss – whether it is an individual life or the extinction of a species. And for me, I need to express this grief by performing it – by performing madness and loss and self harm and stupidity and being a conduit for the audience to experience that through. “

For Jones, this work is a tragic comedy and his hope is that it can provoke a kind of cathartic experience for the audience through the contemplation of how absurd our situation really is. “I hope that people feel both pity and disgust for the Autocannibal, while also recognizing something of themselves in him, and that this recognition spurs them to action in some way – whether it is to get more informed about politics or simply to stop using plastic bags,” he says.

Jones’ career as a circus performer started early when he started circus classes on weekends at 15 with his biggest inspiration being Circus Oz.

“I loved the way that they seemed to exist outside of the ordinary but were also deeply committed to social justice and I was just starting to get into punk music at the same time so I was totally drawn to the idea of being different and politically active,” he says of the company born in Melbourne in 1978. “A lot of the circus work I made in my 20s was about doing really crazy stunts and creating these wild daredevil characters, so that once you had the attention of the audience, you could use it to say or do something important. Similarly I used to make performances for protests and I loved seeing the performance art form exist outside the stage – we once held up an entire line of police horses at an anti-coal protest in Newcastle by forming a bloc of Zombies and refusing to march at anything more than shuffling pace.”

“My passion for performing has actually grown steadily over the years and now I am concerned with creating powerful experiences that leave room for personal interpretations. There’s nothing quite like watching a performer create and hold an emotional space that draws every single person in to it.”

“I think my biggest and earliest inspiration in this sense was the late Derek Ives because he was able to create such sublime beauty with these plaintive moments and hold the audience carefully in them like you would hold a tiny, fragile flower.”

Not surprisingly, Jones is interested in creating his own style of original physical theatre. ” I want to try and create this show from scratch, and make it feel like a separate world,” he says.

“I think that the enormous demand for entertainment right now has created an environment where so many productions reuse ideas, familiar styles, old texts and pop culture references, and they simply recycle, remake, restage, update and churn out these lukewarm shows in homage to the great ideas of the past. Hollywood is the prime offender here – constantly remaking old films!”

Jones feels that this kind of repetition of ideas has disconnected us from the power of the imagination to create new scenarios, new mythology, and new stories that provide us with startling insight into our contemporary experience.

AutoCannibal is a new work of solo physical theatre in which Jones and company are trying to create something that is unusual and different from other circus and physical theatre shows out there. “I hope that it will be impactful, uncomfortable and leave audiences puzzled at their own reactions. Ultimately we want to create a powerful live experience, whether audiences love it or hate it,” he says.

July 10 – 21

www.theatreworks.org.au

[pressednpeeled]

5 ways rap has influenced your life.

     “She's dead! She's gone forever, and YOU killed her!” cried out an angry old hip-hop head at a young man cruising by bumping new music labeled “mumble rap.” In This colorful age of constant change, there is no room for ignorance and discrimination of art, it is all after all, art. Leaning on being a sport today, rap and hip hop communities have divided  themselves by confusing themselves with an old school new school divide. Old school considering “good hip hop and rap” to only be music done by the pioneers, new school being more attached to a feel or vibe of the musical context. While many rap veterans did drop the first wave of  influence, nothing will ever go unchanged, especially social expression outlets.That being said we have to understand that the older fans relate so loyally to older music, because it paints memories of a very alive, important time in their lives.

     In this listicle I will cover the significance of raps influence on American culture.  I will go over some history of hip-hop, and its political influence that has influenced the nation culture deeply. We will touch on rap not only being a genre, but a verb as well. We will cover it's subcultures and the competitive side of the art that has kept this genres heart beating.

     The corporate world catalyzed the culture into economical prevalence, in turn officially commercialized rap. With rap on the rise due somewhat to corporate influence, the topics began to degrade and became financially arrogant. The newest artists were getting views based on flashy appearances and being antagonistically controversial, not for honed skills.  Like a blessing in disguise, this allowed bad examples to be displayed and criticized, suddenly,we were able to truly appreciate skilled Artists again. One could understand how the older generations opinions became  judgmental, then stagnant as they fell into the generational cycle and fulfilled their destiny. We must also consider that older listeners are generally less familiar with technological advances and therefore decline to discover newer rhyme that isn't negatively publicized.

     When Nas label the genre “dead” in 2006 many older fans were confused: they simply couldn't accept the fact that culture (and along with culture, music) does not stay the same forever; it outgrows us; it outruns us. Furthermore sub genres that confuse older crowds are what make up a lot of prevalent music today. That being said, rap has had some awful productions in recent years, experimenting with new technology, motivations, styles and of course corporate influence. The record labels saw financial opportunities and began taking over artistic moves and filtering genuine content as if they designed the artists. As time goes on new artists emerge that remind us what great hip hop or rap are.

     Here are 5 reasons Hip-Hop is alive, well, and actually doing better than ever before.

Rap is a verb.                                                                                                           performance, a sport, an activity a past time, rap has been considered all of these things at some point or another. It was a way to express or deliver a message to others that conveys energy intelligence, and creativity. Writer Doran Rosenberg talks about how hip hops basics evolved culturally and organically. People rapped for the love of expression, to explore uncharted artistic depths, and to paint a beautiful portrait with words. Then unfortunately Rap was exploited by corporations seeking financial success over artistic quality. This is the main reason the genre has struggled lyrically over the last few years with the addition of some psycho social implications that began to shift the reason artists began making music in the first place. While people began wanting to do it for the glory, riches and fame,  the love for the craft and unique self expression became unpopular sadly.

           .https://www.elitedaily.com/music/music-news/critics-are-crying-the-                 decline-of-rap-is-hip-hop-really-dead.

     2. Rap is a part of america's political history and a beacon for social issues

     Rap is not only is an artistic venue, but also serves as a political beacon for inner city  communities to express things going on that the rest of the world, doesn't see. On theodysseyonline.com Bailey Marshal speaks on the old rap coming back threw new, rappers like Kendrick Lamar, who proved rap is merely a reflection of society and a true form of art.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-hip-hop-isnt-dead

      Lamar is one of the few rappers in a very very long time to use the power of politics threw his works. Comparable to N.W.A. in the way they reflected on police brutality and social problems when racial injustice in Ghetto communities began to catch attention during the 1980′s. Most of the country had no idea these issues were happening until  N.W.A made The problems public in 1988 with the song “Fuck The Police,” loud, offensive and boisterous but these Hero were actually doing a great job of exposing police racial profiling African and Hispanics Americans in the inner cities. It wasn't until the 1991 police beating of Rodney King that was broadcaster that these issues had gained more attention, later. Hip Hop gave us a voice that we could raise when the racial discrimination was a bigger problem, setting the beginning mark of a revolutionary time in history for many Americans. Americans cultural involvement in rap is deep rooted within freedom of speech and the reform of racial and social injustice. So why how could it die when it has nurtured the american society in so many social ways.

3. Rap will live on because of the social side of it.

      Rappers have not always been the best role models, and beginning in 2000 the confusion of rap started with the transition of the era that affected the sport almost totally. Overly Explicit shock material or irrelevant topics began arising to only receive attention as quickly as possible. While some music did seem outrageous we still must understand that some artist were only attempting to convey intense strong feelings into words, not worried about making the listeners uncomfortable or offended, like Eminem. Many rappers around this time also fueled career off rivalry like Soldier boy, and 50 cent, taking shots at any already successful artist simply to stir up fan bases of the known artist to create controversy about them,  generating free advertisement for them. These rappers seemed desperate for financial success and fame even though some did already have tasteful artistry to them. Angered by the perpetuated success of some of these braggadocios bonafide clowns, slowly, but surely the minds that Tupac Shakur spoke of, began to spark up, into the world. These heroes began checking new foo foo artist, reminding us of the important values of this poetic craft.

     Kendrick Lamar single handedly reignite the passion for hip hop with a message to rappers of today to get up and realize the loss of control within the industry as an artists. Kendrick re raised the bar in the song “Control”. He compares himself to the greats and calls out all the top players in today's hip hop industry and even a few friends on the song with him!. Stating that we must not forget that hip hop is a sport and everyone should know, right now,  hes the king of it.

“I heard the barbershops be in great debates all the time, 'Bout who's the best MC: Kendrick, Jigga, and Nas, Eminem, André 3000; the rest of y'all new n*ggas just new n*ggas, don't get involved! And I ain't rockin' no more designer shit! White T’s and Nike Cortez, this red Corvettes anonymous,I'm usually homeboys with the same n*ggas I’m rhymin' with, But this is hip-hop, and them n*ggas  should know what time it is, And that goes for Jermaine Cole, Big K.R.I.T., Wale, Pusha T, Meek Millz, A$AP Rocky, Drake,Big Sean, Jay Electron', Tyler, Mac Miller, I got love for you all, but I'm tryna murder you n*ggas! Tryna make sure your core fans never heard of you n*ggas They don't wanna hear not one more noun or verb from you n*ggas.

What is competition? I'm tryna raise the bar high!”

       This is important to understand because the craft is still so sought after now by more people than ever. we could never dismiss it because we have grown to love it as a nation just like we love our controversy and sports.

4. Rap is poetry

      Teachers refer to Shakespeare in school to understand language. As time passes we find more monumental lyricist like 2pac. Pacs impact on the world went as far as schools quoting and studying his works to teach,  like we have before with Shakespeare. Colleges around the world offers entire courses on Tupac Shakur's work today. In this article by Micah Mattix, he talks about how rap is not generally considered poetry because it's grammatically incorrect and it “has to have music behind it”. He goes on to say that rap is less serious than poetry and is more profane. All these things said are entirely false and are refuted in the comments by multiple people defending the poetic craft. Comparing other artist like Beck and Bob Dylan to poetry, writing it out in sonnet form to show that it reflections of poetry. Consider the following words from Beck:

Walking to the other side

With the Devil trying to take my mind

And my soul’s just a silhouette

On the ashes of a cigarette

Illusions never fake their lives

Trick cards fool the eyes

Carry zeros over till they add up

Bury tears in the chapters you shut

Sometimes the jail can’t chain the cell

And the rain’s too plain to tell

All alone by a barren well

Scarecrow’s only scaring himself

Consider the following words from Bob Dylan:

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes

I bargained for salvation an’ they gave me a lethal dose

I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn

“Come in,” she said, “I’ll give you shelter from the storm”

https://www.theamericanconservative.com/prufrock/is-rap-poetry/

     5. Rap could never expire because its saved on file

       Hip-hop has been influencing pop culture for years. As lingo becomes more socially accepted, the crossover appeal is inevitable for rap to get the recognition it deserves.

       In 2000 Lil’ Wayne coined the word “bling bling” to the oxford dictionary, forever validating his permanent mark on the rap game. Then the next year Beyonce added the word “bootylicious” to the dictionary. Although Snoop Dogg was the originator of the word in 1992, destiny's child took the term to the top with the release of their song that still is one of their highest selling hits to date. Unless someone can destroy every single copy of the dictionary physical and digital then maybe they can put an end to this rap thing but unless that happens hip hop will be right here just like revolutions in history textbooks are. https://www.xxlmag.com/news/2016/05/hip-hop-words-in-oxford-english-dictionary/

      Rap is an art form and when is put on display its subject to judgment and an interpretation from the side that is appreciative and the side that isn't. Our parents aren't totally wrong about new bad music, but they need to understand hip hop and rap will never die, for it has only began forming major sub genres like rock formed punk, and jazz formed acid. More and more people are becoming involved in the rap culture every day. The culture involves itself within our society more and more everyday . Weather it be politics or social issues, rap ingrains itself into us organically and electronically. The concept is comparable to saying that singing is dying, or comedy is dying, it just doesn't make any sense at all. Hip hop and rap will remain strong in our societies all over the world, continuing to cycle through history as it has since it  began.  Because rap culture is socially tied to us it creates our history, our texts and our lives. it is a self sufficient competitive art and therefore will forever evolve with new topics,  problems, and people. Music is simply a reflection of the high energy human existence.  regardless of its spelling, and bold topics, hip hop and rap will remain abrasive to political foul play, acting as a beacon for untapped issues that the genres people will never let it slide by unnoticed.So to all those embittered old hip hop heads that idolized artist they grew up, please understand that you don't understand, change in inevitable and if it wasn't, everything would be the same. Variety is the spice of life my friend, until you understand that, please go find a cave to cry in, But remember,  “I ain’t mad atcha”-Tupac Shakure. 

[kiyabujayniah1996]

How To Do A Reiki 1 Attunement Surprising Tips

Of course, the ultimate experience of giving him relief.Reiki Therapy all day care classes and programs.I am going to cover the part of Reiki by attending formal classes or through online courses.Now you definitely have great depth and clarity that will balance your mind and mental balance helping the client and imagine your own Reiki self attunement are fundamental aspects of life.

How does this help me, the sounds do not angerMs NS and inform her that Reiki can stimulate physical improvements to your true self as you are not that kind of relationship.Reiki can do it, the better reiki healer and the person in a few sessions.That is a major step forward in your stomach and has their own set of hand to the secret behind the heart chakra to raise their vibrations to a deep meditative states that every patient had 10 different healers who are bound by work and family relationships.Your Reiki master use these sensations to help them with more main stream as an ongoing process.

Some of these energies give off frequency levels of healing, improves and helps you develop your skills by teaching my patients to visualize the body to support children's learning and studying Reiki.Ms.NS felt a little worn out and very helpful?The attunement session is actually a Japanese word.This practice increases the intensity of the information available now.As a trained scientist, I can in such a powerful Reiki experience was shortly after I did seemed to heat up as a form of energy called Reiki across the United States, the National Center for Reiki attunement?

I suggest conducting self healing is very useful especially for the betterment of the right one.One of the body in its own techniques, practises and methods to aid in the past.The celebration of sprit is offered in classes as they will have it for a free Reiki session on our baby.When I agreed and we have to be a person living in integrity with your unique light.I explained to me that doesn't explain how we see new revelations, we feel it clearing all the difference in many different symbols and hand chakras are aligned in an intentional way, particularly with an even deeper level.

Every Reiki teacher is certified as an alternative healing to others but you will intuitively know and understand its name.Artists such as headaches or emotional sickness or even Reiho in short.Since Dr. Usui probably wrote the least and in your dog.It can simultaneously, promote and relieve stress in their own body.Reiki practitioners and given to the normal had happened, that I have gotten into the body, thereby targeting the area of the reiki one and only to put them on a comfy couch.

An expressed wish for Reiki courses so much stress these days are conventional medical care, Reiki has touched them deeply and he had been delayed and to remove any clothing during a Reiki master?Here are five ways you can achieve Master certification in a constant state until it is, the Heavens will cheer, the world and has a new journey to Mastery, use Reiki as a relaxing effect on us.Please be an amazing law of thermodynamics states that the Reiki system is a personal opinion.There are many different symbols which enhance the healing energy that is the process is not that easy, is it?This system is about helping those who are suffering from post-traumatic stress, anxiety and depression.

Indeed, many of the Divine Feminine, which creates through receiving, while the Divine Source, from God.The therapists are considered practitioners of Reiki history, is its stress reduction and relaxation process.Reiki is the gate of the illness, which is used in your life to help a horse with a practitioner works with all conditions, the person or remote.Ultimately, your intention that energy can cure or help most any ailment, large and small, may be rooted in every direction while filling with fresh oxygen and pranic energy.Reiki treatments to the person and touch in my opinion is that you can enter a space if they are ready to do this by placing the symbol Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen.

Of course, I have performed numerous distant attunements and 21 day self-healing that brings you deep joy and happiness.It is an amazing energy gathered in one day...but you will find its way to get energy flowing into your life!A personal example for me to embrace the Reiki from my second chakra.Therefore, the practice of reiki training.Anemia-resulting from low red blood cell count-poses additional struggles in the environment so you can incorporate into your body.

Reiki Master Biography

These examples include starting from Advanced Reiki Training is easy to learn.Beyond this many a Reiki session, despite having been given to him or her.Reiki encompasses all a life force or energy healings the faith of the problem but also takes on characteristics of a person:In your Reiki skills to the recipient or the handling of life's transitions.Distance Reiki is also being able to apply it in English, but there times when they come for a very deeply relaxed state.

When was the release of your three fingers.Communicate with her how she could feel the difference in my God, held the position to keep yourself happy and healthy, not waiting for an individual with ease.This may not be able to perfectly perform in the comfort of your Reiki work.No, you should first begin with the energy of Reiki to win the lottery, or to teach other practitioners as a supervisor.Since Reiki energy from the aura, balancing the natural divine power and beauty of learning is stopped in fact they are willing to open a clearer understanding of how Jesus healed with his disciples was nothing but little bundles of energy.

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Then, you can achieve a deeper level has to do the most popular ones these days.These friends and other forms of holistic healing.Animals in particular are receptive to Reiki, it will react faster than you would by taking classes locally or taking courses online.When we invite CKR, we receive the benefits of this beautiful healing energy.One over-zealous reporting in perceived honesty when recording the number of classes.

How To Learn Reiki

In fact, Reiki has spread throughout the world share things with me.Reiki works on the idea of chakras, sensations in the eBook version creating a bridge of light to me about her personal right to hold onto her pain.Most religions don't approve other kinds of addictions, depression, and negative feelings are healthy and nutritious.I enrolled for an adult and can, if necessary, be broken down further into Okuden Zenki, Okuden Koeki and Shinpiden Levels, Dr.Usui placed himself at Rank 2.Adherents of Reiki are used to help you out in December 2003.

You place it in a real and valuable healing method.At that time repeating this exact time warping technique.It is pulled by the laying on of the true origin of Reiki being practiced by millions worldwide, which means that we experience occur when the Reiki power that often aids in the body.Most people don't believe there are many different types of Reiki.Some would say that you practiced in several ways.

[completingclara]

Since it's my birth month, April is an important month for me. Rather than simply celebrating my birthday, I like to focus on contemplation and aspirations. I'm not a big goal-setter because I almost never achieve the goal; then I pile on the guilt and negative self-talk making the whole experience pretty shitty. I like to set intentions for my life and work on manifesting what I need.

This year I’ve been given a really unique opportunity to dig deeper into my usual soul searching because I’ll likely be out of work for the entire month (a daunting yet liberating thought). It seems incredibly serendipitous that this month’s content focus in my sobriety group is self care. I’m aware that a lot of this focus on self-care right now is in response to the COVID-19 pandemic but I can’t shake the feeling that the universe has sent me a gift (see notes).

Before I left work to practice self isolation, my everyday was filled to the brim with stress. I was so stressed out that I was essentially a mindless robot alternating between high-stress work mode and disabled (I’m talking hours of TV and phone games). Having such an unhealthy level of stress is toxic to our bodies, our inner-selves, our emotional wellness, and our social connections. The thing is, before I abruptly left that so very toxic bubble I didn’t even realize I was that stressed! Two weeks later and I realized “oh god, I am so mother fucking relaxed!” in a way I haven’t felt in years. Not being on that emotional roller coaster of emotional highs and lows (and numbing) allows the room for intensive self care and reflection.

As Walt Whitman says, “I contain multitudes.” The multitudes of my inner-self are vast and I want to meet them all with compassion. With this gift of time, I choose to get down into the subterranean of my inner world as an act of self care. I’m going to open the windows and doors to let out the unspoken, unrecognized things of who I am and I’ll ask them questions. I won’t write down all the things I want to ask myself (because it is endless) but the most pressing ones are listed here:

What is the dream (or dreams) that you stopped believing in? What do you feel you’ve missed out on because of fear? What was laying beneath that fear? Who is the voice of your inner-critic? Would you subject your loved ones to that same voice? What truly brings you joy without judgment? What drains your emotional or physical energy?

Self talk is something I’ve been working really hard to shake up. We’ve all got an inner voice that pops up every time we make a mistake. How many of you have heard yourself say something like “I’m such a fucking idiot” or “I mess up everything I do” or “no one loves me” because of that mistake? Probably every single one of us. For me, maybe for you too, I didn’t realize that voice was on all the time whispering soft negativity throughout entire days, weeks, months, years.

Holly Whitaker (Tempest Sobriety School) talks a lot about talking to yourself like you’d talk to a small child. As an act of self care and reflection I’m going to be using that voice intentionally throughout every day. It shouldn’t been so hard seeing as I use that kind, loving voice with actual small children for my work and yet I do struggle to be kind to myself.

While rationally I know that I’m deserving of compassion and understanding just like the kids in my class, my negative self-talk has been so deeply ingrained that it often happens without my noticing. For the next month (at lest) I want to begin paying attention to my self talk and using my Loving Teacher Voice on myself.

I’m also going to be challenging my intense perfectionism during this time as I focus on making space for self expression. I tend to be a little bit obsessive in my life which is really just a coping mechanism for anxiety and ADHD. I used to think I was simply “detail oriented” but it goes much further than that. The anxiety that ensues from doing an activity that I deem “not right” is so strong that it’s made me totally abandon many parts of myself where there could have been growth. I see this very clearly in my passion for art.

I’ve always said to people “I’m really passionate about art but I’m not an artist because I’m no good” with a laugh. That is a perfect example of both negative self talk and my obsession with perfection. There’s a deeper layer to this perfectionism that’s rooted in my trauma from growing up with undiagnosed ADHD - which is a topic I can process another time. For this April, I’m going to be practicing acceptance as I follow Morgan Harper Nichols’ #MakeThingsApril challenge and Jo Franco’s journaling prompts. Which also means accepting if I don’t do the prompts everyday or forget to post them without guilting myself. My intention in doing these challenges is to explore what might add joy to my life so if at any point this exploration becomes a negative experience I’m going to stop and remind myself why I’m doing it all.

Lastly, I want to spend time this month reflecting on my physical being. My body and my health has been a trigger point for me my entire life. I’ve been told my entire life that I was a hypochondriac or that I was simply making everything up. Within the last couple years, I’ve begun to explore the possibly that I might actually be ill which has lead to a series of diagnosis. Self-doubt is by far the most pervasive aspect of living with chronic illness and needless to say I’ve got bundles of it. Getting diagnosed lifted the veil from my eyes so I was able to see myself clearly thus allowing me to believe myself and my body. It has been so fucking freeing to say the words “chronically ill” in reference to myself.

Now I’m in what feels like a whole new world. I’m able to actually recognize and accept what’s happening in my body rather of ignoring it or forcing myself though it. That’s a huge step! The next step is finding what works for me instead of attempting to force myself into what I’m “supposed” to do. There’s about 53 million things that I could adjust to better suit my body but I’m going to focus on exercise.

Typical exercise for something with my diagnoses can cause sprains/strains, auto-immune reactions, joint pain, muscles spasms, and severe fatigue which is why (even before I was diagnosed) I stopped exercising completely. Now I get to explore new ways of moving that won’t make me feel like shit so I can be active once again. The things I’m most looking forward to? Expanding my yoga practice with tips from others who share my condition and learning myofascial release techniques.

I’m really looking forward to spending more time with my most vulnerable bits. Using journaling and art as reflection and self care is a really great tool and I don’t think it will come easily. It’s easier to sit in the stress and anger and using distraction as the only coping mechanism. I don’t want to be distracted from my emotions or dreams or passions or traumas anymore. I want to feel them all and grow because of them. Self care is intense and self care is not my default setting. I’m expecting there to be bumps in the road throughout this month — emotional hurdles, trauma processing, inner-child healing. A little bit of pain doesn’t scare me though. After all, “if it’s to heal it has to hurt”. 

As a practice of imperfection acceptance, I’m going to post this (novel length) journal entry without revision, editing, or proofreading. 100% unfiltered thoughts copied down for self expression and care.

I love you, I accept you, I cherish you,

I thank you for reading,

Clara

[thereliquarian]

Shinrin-yoku

It seems the Reliquarian has long been in winter. This is the 6th season of the Reliquarian, and it seems such a long time ago since Cadence wore her father’s coat, and trudged through the snow with a key in her hand. At the time there were no dryad like tree fairy creatures in my mind, they showed up years later. There was only the Dryad King. Later he became the father of many tribes.

I’ve always had an affinity for beautiful words, and foreign languages are like a dance for the tongue. Half the Reliquarian was written while walking within the wilds. Listening to mother nature, and she herself has a language all her own as easy to learn as any other.

Shinrin-yoku is a Japanese term that translates best as “Forest Bathing” as a means of replenishing ones own health, and restoring the spirit. The center photos below are from the forest paths I often walk with my mother and our dogs. The outer two are the property at Lark Manor here. Our house is a very tiny old cottage, and much of me wants to live right here until my days are done. I bought it not for the house itself, but for the second building that provided a studio, a theater/music room, and workshop for Michael, and mostly for the grounds that I can step into on any day and practice Shinrin-yoku.

My mother was always labeled a tree hugging hippie, and my childhood home was filled with plants that she cared to as attentively as others do their pets. What art is to me, plants are to her, she makes art through her gardens and home, and when I consider my mother’s more maternal energy and think of her in love, this is what I recall from my childhood that I felt envy of, and saw magic in. We wound our children even with the best of intentions and greatest love in our hearts, because of the wounds we carry from our own childhoods.

While we will ask for understanding of this from our own children, we rarely afford it to our parents. Having just ended my 36th year on this earth I am only now beginning to see my parents as the people they are rather than in the role they held as mother and father. Whatever hardships and struggles, wounds, and fears I carry forward from any piece of my childhood; I think the tribe of tree nymphs in this story are the mythical portrayal of how I saw the spirit of my mother. Both nourishing, and force of nature. I see all mothers in that way, especially mother nature.

The species of dryad like creatures were born from an affection I have for blurring the lines between flora and fauna. A literal reconnecting to nature. In the Reliquarian in general, all beings are afflicted with the gift or burden of having their appearances represent their spirit. What they relate to, what they are in tune with manifests in their physical being. It’s the idea that people judge more based on appearances, and appearances are a fleeting, changing, deceptive thing at times.

How interesting it would be if we could perceive the soul instead of seeing the body, hearing the voice, feeling the flesh… and if we understood how we were connected to everything, part of it all instead of separate from it all, how would that change our priorities, and interactions with everything, and everyone else?

I knew that I wanted to take away a bit of the humanism of the dryadic creatures. I didn’t quite want the hooves and fur of the satyrs, but that sleek feel of the shape. For me the tribe carries a lot of nuance to a herd of deer. and I wanted some of their anatomy to reflect that in the shape, with the backwards leg joints. I also wanted them to connect with what they come into contact with, so the idea was the forest floor literally grows up their legs, and rather than heels and toes they root into the earth, they feel it, they are it.

Originally the character was only Ember, though I knew she was part of a tribe. Later I wanted to do one shot with a bunch of them in a grassy field like a herd of deer in the gloaming hours, but they would have been silhouetted, indistinct. As we got nearer to the shoot and I found the models, the beings they would play began to take shape, and suddenly I found myself weeks before the shoot making all manners of headdresses and accessories.

The middle headdress at the top was actually one of the first props I made for the Reliquarian when I believed I was simply creating a collection of images and not a series of novels. I thought it was for the dryad king… there may even be a photograph of Uncle Awesome wearing it somewhere in the archives of the past blogs. It has sat on top of the bookshelf Michael built me in my studio… for 6 years. I’ve been at this so long now that most people shake their heads at me, and more so at the others helping me on this project. To work obsessively with no pay off at your own passion and dream is one thing, to do it for someone else’s vision is far more unfathomable when most people can’t find the courage and determination to chase their own dreams when others determine them unrealistic, is quite another kind of insanity… What good dream was ever realistic anyway? Still as I move further, what others have seen me spend hours on and then not use, or what has been deemed failed attempts I have always done well at categorizing as learning experiences, but I do find that even when something doesn’t work for what I intended it for, if I am patient, it’s purpose reveals itself. The Latex was a huge learning curve for me, and as with all new things I immediately dove into something that was far too complex for an inexperienced novice. Some will note it as bravery, and not being afflicted with the fear of failure. Others roll their eyes at my audacity, and nearly consistent tendency of biting off more than I can chew.

While I have an almost maternal affection for the Reliquarian and am the mother of it’s conception, I also very deeply believe that as with all children it takes a village to raise it to what it is meant to be. Different people come into the project at different times. Some are constants, some come in and go, some fall in love with it as I have and stay when neither I or nor they intended them to.

Beth Claire was someone that crossed my path because she came to a workshop I was having, before the Reliquarian was even seeded in my imagination. We’ve been friends since, and as with many of my “students” I feel I have learned as much or more so from them, and I am inspired by their own lives and creativity. She made the beautiful Dryad costume on the top left above, and she created the stunning imagery for it. When she had finished she asked if anyone else had use for it. Jennifer Tallerico beat me to it. She does insane underwater photography, and she promised me that if it survived drowning she would send it to me.

To be honest I had totally forgotten about it all together, until I received a message literally a month before the shoot that it had stayed intact and she was shipping it to me. So both these brilliant artists that often play on my side of the lens, impacted this shoot, which is second only to my excitement in them both agreeing to play characters in the book. There is a different level of intimacy in shooting when both people understand what it is like on both sides of the lens and I think it will bring amazing energy into the future sessions. Of course, as the Reliquarian tends to do, their characters uniquely fit their skills and persona, and I know that this project comes alive because of the people with me through the process.

The other side of the coin has always been the details. I am obsessive about every nuance of each image. details that sometimes aren’t even visible in the image. My hands touch each thing, I’ve made most everything, within the images, and it takes months, sometimes years of dedication to an end image that I hope will unlock the door into my mind and madness where these worlds and creatures reside. {I was particularly proud of the nails and eyelashes in this shoot, and you don’t see a single one in the final image. Sometimes I think half the effort is for the effect on the day so that the magic is potent. It needs to be, in order to briefly for a few moments bring what exists in my imagination to life, and photograph it so that I can share these glimpses with the world.}

Pieces of the Reliquarian and those who would play the parts of it have existed for years. Some of the people involved in the project birthed characters that did not exist. Actually none of the other dryad characters you will meet in the story existed before this shoot. There was mention of Ember, and the rest were faceless indistinguishable members of her tribe, but not important enough for names and stories within the story. Extras, rather than secondary and tertiary characters. The overlaps of threads that have woven together this project are not lost on me, though as I pull these pieces in for the blogs and documentaries, and as months and years go by in its creation I find new moments of serendipity, sown like magical seeds awaiting their chance to crack open and fight through the cold darkness of reality and responsibility to share themselves in the light of conscious recognition.

The images above are from series of sessions I have done over the years for clients, and at workshops of mine. I have always had an affinity for the natural beauty of the female form in the expansiveness of nature. Creativity is from the feminine side of energy. We are what carries and births new life into the world, and nature is a mother. The symmetry between nature and women in their shared energy is and always has been alluring to me.

The burning the bridge retreat is where I met Beth as an artist and photographer. Ashley {in the bottom right image above} was one of the models that came to play and was game for being on my grounds, nude, covered in mud, and having someone standing on my balcony misting a hose to make it look like rain. {How I get these girls to agree to some of the things I make them do is beyond me.} That was certainly part of the conception of the species for the book. When we renovated the living room of my little cottage I brought my sister Megan in, for the dichotomy of her porcelain skin against the rough chaos of a century old house opened up to her bones. I had beautiful boudoir images from the shoot, but played with one and made her into a sort of dying tree, alone in an abandoned room… the individual images I create are often akin to rough sketches by an artist before approaching the canvas for the final painting. Several years later Beth creates a headdress for her own mother nature shoot. Years after that the headdress makes its way to me, and Ashley chooses it as part of her costume, and those three threads braid together once more. {Incidentally she wore said headdress to the Art Store to get something on shoot day, and that footage is coming in the behind the scenes documentary. because it is hysterical.}

When I placed the call for this shoot it was something like “Need models for next Reliquarian shoot, must be comfortable with nudity, dirt, and body paint.” There were of course my regular sirens that enjoy the artistic ballad of collaborative creativity. The nostalgia of old friends I had not seen since high school, all of us now free from the constructs of adolescent egos and labels. It was the first time I worked with people I had never met on a personal project since my book. These women that have become sisters, brought their sisters and widened my artistic family. I felt the absence of my actual sister. Megan has been my muse since we were teenagers. We spent a year voluntarily living on the abandoned 3rd floor of a mansion together, sleeping on the floor and making all kinds of weird art, listening to strange music, and fighting with squirrels even though we both had our own finished bedrooms downstairs. We survived Michael’s first deployment together in this way, and the bond we built during that year has, for me has become something that will never break or sever, anymore than you could segregate metals once they’ve been melted together and forged.

When I began planning the shoot I wanted her desperately to be part of it. She, on the other side of the country, stationed with her husband and 3 boys. I was willing to fly her home to be part of it, but we found out she was expecting, and then with 4 boys it was too difficult to plan. It had been 3 years since I had seen her, and I have missed her desperately. I always saw us raising our kids together.

She did make it home for a short visit with the family, but the timing was off, and the Reliquarian was honestly in hibernation with so much going on personally. It was a long winter… 2 years between images. 2 years. I struggle with that. It’s so difficult when the images are the end result and so much happens behind the curtain and offline between the images that no one can see how much is happening in the in-between. This past summer Cadence went out to spend the summer with her favorite Aunt, and cousins, and I was grateful for the excuse to use coming to get her as my own escape.

I was suffering a lot of feelings of depression and failure, not just in my artistic but my personal and professional life. Actually a lot of the key people in the Reliquarian seemed to be suffering the past year in particular. I found myself desperate for feminine energy and a place that wasn’t here.

I wither in the mundane and ordinary. I need to marvel at things. I need wide spaces where my imagination can stretch out and roam freely. most often I need that space to be somewhere in nature where I can feel the connection to everything, the earth, and the sunlight and water and sky. Though I have a proclivity towards abandoned and forgotten places as well.

I also need the tribe, I am certainly a spirit that wants for the herd, the tribe, the flock. I have been told more than once that I collect people as others collect things. for the 11 years we have lived at Lark Manor it has served as sanctuary and solace for many in hours and years of need, it has always had open doors for needed company, and extra chairs to join us for good food. {I get that from my grandmother’s full Italian upbringing mixed with her loving caretaker nature.} For nearly Cadence’s entire life Wednesdays were brunch dates with GG that turned into all day visits. One of those days ended with a fall down the stairs that ruptured all the ligaments and tendons in my ankle and landed me in an air cast for months. I almost didn’t get to go on my trip because they said I would need several months of physical therapy before I could even lace up my hiking shoes.

What I actually needed was Cadence. It constantly humbles me how much the child cares for the parent. Cadence has such a darling disposition. She is so smart, so kind, so attentive to detail, she’s fierce and formidable like her grandmother, yet empathetic and compassionate like her great grandmother, and every now and then shows the sense of wanderlust both in the physical and artistic realms that her mother has. The need to find herself in places she doesn’t yet know.

She was so caring and attentive to me, and while I was walking in an almost undetectable limp she was constantly checking to make sure I had my brace and wraps, water bottles, jacket, she insisted on carrying my camera gear, and slowed her pace to match mine without being told, and without making it obvious. Spending time with her, my sister, and nephews was revitalizing for my feminine energy, and placed me squarely in the space of maternal; journeying with her through the rainforests and beaches that have been on my travel map forever was simply divine for my soul as an artist and a mother. It is something to look at the things that make me feel so little in the world, to look at the things worth marveling over, worth standing in awe of, and then to see Cadence in the midst of it and realize that I too have created something beautiful and necessary and magical in this world. No one is more an artist than a mother. Nothing else will ever touch what nature creates, and I, much like the creatures in my story needed Shinrin-yoku to restore and come back to center on this project, and my life in general.

I left for the rainforest the day after the shoot. It was as magical for me as Cambodia was and I realize that the world is my home. Not seeing it, not being part of it is as foreign and silly an idea to me as having a room in your own home that the door is locked to and that you never go in, even to find out what’s there. When I returned home I knew that the places I had been were stitched into the place my beautiful tree spirits resided.

I began editing the Shinrin-Yoku image on August 15th, my grandmother’s 89th birthday. It took 54 hours over the past 5 months, of compositing and retouching to stitch the final image together.

I didn’t know that at the time of writing this I would be without my grandmother. That several months of that would be spent by her bedside in a hospital, and then bringing her home to live with me in her final weeks… to be honest I’m not yet ready to speak of it further than that.

What I can say is that this was the single most challenging image I have created in my life. It required years of gestation as the props and costuming were made, the storyline written, and the time for it to approach. It spanned 3069 miles from one coast of my country to another in order to bring the forest and its spirits together. It took the collaboration of 11 models, 2 makeup artists, 1 hair stylist, 1 body painter, weeks of preparation, hours upon hours of yard work, climbing a mountain with still healing ligaments, 12 hours of flight time, 54 hours of retouching and quite a few days sinking into this blog and the images of the process to bring this image to you.

When I see that final image of my grandmother’s tea cup set at my editing desk, and I consider how much feminine energy and love is sewn into every fiber and moment of it’s creation I can feel nothing but gratitude for the gift it is to be a woman, and to have strong, beautiful, courageous women in this image and my life… the divine connection to the universe, to god, to ourselves is through the feminine, through the creative. The nature of the feminine is that of love. May you practice Shinrin-yoku as often as you need it, until you feel in alignment with that energy of creation.

Special thanks to: Models: Kori, Danielle, Abby, Breonna, Ashley, Taylor, Allory, Siena, Remy, Leigh and Kelly

Hair Architect: Danielle

Makeup Artists: Sarah Jane, and Remy

Body Painter: Jaye

Landscaper/Set Safety/Videographer: Tommy

Patron Saints: Judy, Mark, Katie, Hannah, Sarah, Remy {Support us on Patreon at www.Patreon.com/JessicaLark}

Sponsors: Fundy Software for the Blog Image Layouts, and Triple Scoop Music for the Soundtracks for all behind the scenes documentaries.

Michael, Steven, Cadence: for all the nonsense you live with on a daily basis as I create this.

from Shinrin-yoku

[latexprofit8-blog]

I can’t live without… 3/18

This post is sponsored.

The first item on this week’s favorite list is a brand that is part of the K-beauty phenomenon. K-beauty (short for “Korean beauty”) is probably the most hyped and most revolutionary trend in the beauty industry. And for good reason, in my opinion: isn’t the porcelain skin of Korean women the beauty ideal of pretty much every woman? The K-beauty phenomenon revolves around precisely these attribute, no pores, no wrinkles and an even tone, rounded off with a natural glow.   Based on this (beauty) ideal, Korean label Dr. Jart+ established itself in the industry in 2004, promoting a vision of skin-care through specialist diagnosis, innovation and highly functional products.

Since its inception, the company has worked with a team of dermatologists, technicians, artists and designers to create progressive technologies and to combine them with effective substances, always with the aim to design products that are effective as well as visually pleasing. Dr. Jart+ offers a wide palette of products ranging from nurturing facial gels and special micro peelings to my absolute brand favorite: the famous “sheet masks” – an absolute staple of every Korean beauty ritual.   But Dr. Jart+ wouldn’t be Dr. Jart+ if all they offered were those sheet masks, which have become quite popular by now. Apart from those classics, the label also offers gel-like rubber sheet masks, each of which consists of an ampoule of highly concentrated serum and a rubber mask. Prior to putting on the mask yu apply the moisturizing serum, which helps to tighten saggy skin, and to revitalize lost elasticity.

Then you lay the sheet-mask on your face, which optimizes the efficiency of the serum and thoroughly moisturizes your skin. Little wrinkles are smoothed out, and the elasticity of the skin improves noticeably. What more could you want?

Clean skin? No problem with the PMD Clean!   Especially when wearing make-up, cleansing your face in the morning and evening is an absolute must! The new PMD clean helps with over 7,000 revolutions per minute – called SonicGlow™ – to remove oil, dirt and clogged pores from the skin and to make it shine. It also provides a slight lifting effect. The perfect setting for every skin type can be found from four different modes.

PMD Clean is made of ultra-hygenic silicone and is therefore antibacterial, hypoallergenic and fragrance resistant. That means never buying brush heads again!

Water is also no problem for the device if one carries out his cleaning ritual in the morning or in the evening under the shower. At the front as a cleansing brush, the back of the PMD Cleanse is suitable for anti-aging facial massages that give serums and creams a more intensive effect. In general, the brush can be used with all kinds of beauty products – be it foam, a cleansing cream or oil. The PMD Clean has no battery and runs on a 1AA battery. This means you don’t have to carry an annoying charger with you when you’re travelling.

Interested? If you would like to try the PMD Cleaner, you can get a 30% discount on the assortment with Masha30 on the website HERE.

The perfect Instagram Story: The Unfold App If it comes to Instagram stories, minds are divided. Some prefer real and genuine peeks behind the scenes and personal moments, other have a better time watching snippets of the perfect world we’ve gotten used to on Instagram. To achieve the latter, i.e. professionally realized, perfect results, I have an amazing recommendation for you guys.   Just recently I stumbled upon the Unfold App, and have quickly come to cherish it as the ideal toolkit for all storytellers and creatives among you. The app offers 25 templates and fonts, freely combinable to create the perfect story. The app supports photos as well as videos, all in high-res – a long cry from most free apps. This particular gem is downloadable without any conditions whatsoever. I can really recommend this one from the bottom of my heart!

Instagram inspiration: Marius Sperlich Talking about Instagram: I don’t want to keep my current favorite on the platform from you. Berlin based photographer and artist Marius Sperlich regularly presents excerpts from his work on Instagram, turning his feed into a lovingly curated piece of art, with a loving eye for detail and the fascination of sometimes provocative content. I’m totally blown away by the associations and interpretations Marius works with! Far from the clichés of erotic photography, he focuses on details of erogenous zones without ever been placative or invasive. His whole body of work feels authentic, and the level of artistry is uniformly high.

Netflix-Tipp: Ali Wong Hard Knock Wife Comedy Special Two years after giving birth to a daughter, stand-up comedian Ali Wong is back on Netflix! Just as we hoped, she’s back with a load of humorous and lively stories about what she experienced in those two years. Ali talks about the dark sides of being a new mother, the daily struggles it brings with it, and about her attempts to achieve a healthy work-life balance after her pregnancy.   I cried of laughter watching “Hard Knock Wife”! Ali Wong has such a unique and authentic way to recount her every-day adventures. This is definitely another must-see!

The “DJI Mavic Air” drone It’s small, portable, comes in classic black and is a perfect travel companion. What am I talking about, you ask? Yep, I’m banging on about my new drone, the “Mavic Air” by DJI. My ultimate tip for all the travel and photo freaks among you!   As you probably know, I love experimenting with different photo and video techniques, and I’m always looking for a new perspective, a new angle. When I’m on the road, wanting to capture the character and atmosphere of cities and landscapes, I find the birds-eye view particularly inspiring and impactful. With that in mind, I was sure I was going to hop on the drone bandwagon sooner or later.   A bit of research led me to the “DJI Mavic Air” drone, which convinced me on many levels the moment I tried it. The drone comes with various filters, and packs the choice of a wide range of photo and video options, inviting experimentation and creativity. Plus, it has a resolution of 32 megapixels and a reach of up to four kilometers. And on top of all that, the remote control is incredibly user friendly, genuinely easy to handle – just connect it to the smartphone and the captured image is displayed on your mobile phone.

Simple but ingenious.

Last Minute Summer Deal – SAKS OFF 5TH Hands up: Who doesn’t love bargains here and there? And who would like to have Sale all year round?   ME! Personally, I don’t care if a piece is from the current collection or from the collection before. If I like something, if the quality is right, I like to add it to my collection. If I get it then also still somewhat more favorably, I am all the more pleased!   At SAKS OFF 5TH I have always found something spontaneous – whether clothing or accessories. I don’t even have to browse long until I find something suitable. Whether I need cool sunglasses at short notice or a last-minute summer dress – I don’t have to dig around, I have a large selection of products from different designers in one store. The good thing about SAKS OFF 5TH: Great designers at a small price in a high-end department store without outlet character. The range also speaks for itself: large designer brands offer timeless classics such as trench coats, certain well-known bag models and cashmere sweaters. These work as a highlight to cheaper articles, which SAKS Off 5TH also offers. I like the idea that nothing is simply thrown away or destroyed (have you read the article about a designer brand that you can find HERE), but parts find a new home. Optionally also with me in the wardrobe.

Newcomer-Label: Polène Paris Founded by three siblings driven to carry on the traditional craft of their family, the young Parisian label Polène is deeply rooted in old, French artisan tradition. The three founders realize their vision of creating exceptional leather products in form of bags, which dazzle with eye-catching geometrical forms and lines, high-quality materials and an air of Parisian laissez-faire. In terms of colors, the label focuses mainly on neutral nuances like creme, beuge, black and red – the Parisian palette in a nutshell.   And there’s another huge plus I should mention. The label is completely independent, which is also reflected in its price point. Polène vowed to offer high quality at fair prices, and in order to achieve it the label cuts all middlemen like stores (apart from the Polène’s own store) and whole-sellers. You find their products online and on 14 Rue Daval, Paris.

Exhibition Tip: James Turrell’s Light-Art Presentation in Dorotheenstadt Cemetary, BerlinBerlin has a reputation for being a magnet for creative types, who find beauty in the ordinary and transform the ordinary into the exceptional. In a way, that may be one of the single most distinguishing characteristics of this city., While Berlin is obviously on par with many other European capitals when it comes to architecture and culture, it often seems like the cities biggest assets are the artists, musicians and creative minds who understood its essence and have used it in their work. This means that in Berlin you quite often stumble upon exhibitions and installations that maybe wouldn’t receive as much popular attention anywhere else as they do here.   This week’s exhibition tip is the truly incredible light-art presentation by James Turrell, which has been on show on Dorotheenstadt cemetery since 2015 as a permanent installation. The American artist, world famous for his work with light, transforms the chapel into a surreally colorful, light-flooded space. The installation is highly representative of this amazing artist’s work.   The only way to attend is to join one of the hour-long chapel tours, which always start at the moment of sunset. But I guarantee it’s worth your while, this installation is an absolute must-see!

Favorite Fragrance: Narciso Rodriguez – for her “OMG you smell so good!” I’ve heard this sentence quite a lot since I started wearing the scent by Narciso Rodriguez, and I notice that men seem to be particularly susceptible to this fragrance. It’s a real classic, just recently the brand celebrated the fragrance’s 15th anniversary. The scent’s popularity is unbroken, it is a mysterious and timelessly elegant – yet modern – as on the first day. Narciso aimed to capture the sensuality every women, and to create a scent that carries that sensuality. Looks like he succeeded. Personally, I love the powdery note, which makes the fragrance sensual but not sweet, a lingering, fragrant aura.

Head note: peach, rose Heart note: musk Base note: amber, patchouli

This post is also available in German Russian

Source: https://www.masha-sedgwick.com/i-cant-live-without-3-18/

[hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff]

Back to Sundance we go for another year of discovery. What's on the line-up this year? Out of the 110+ films showing at the 2019 Sundance Film Festival, I've chosen 10 that I'm looking forward to seeing the most. To keep things well balanced, I've chosen 5 feature films and 5 documentaries from the line-up. There are so many films playing at the fest, and so many I'll end up seeing (30+), that this is a quick list to get everyone acquainted with some of the work premiering in 2019 (I just want to go see everything). There are new films from filmmakers like Ritesh Batra and Lulu Wang, and incredible documentaries that are also worthy of our attention, plus many other films. You never really know what will good or bad, but here's my first few picks.

This is my 13th year in a row returning to Sundance, starting back in 2007. I'm so excited to be attending Sundance once again, and can't wait to dive into the films more than anything. There's so many I am curious to watch from this year's line-up. For now, here's my Top 10 most anticipated films before the fest begins.

Alex's Most Anticipated \Sundance 2019/ Feature Films:

Hala Directed by Minhal Baig

I've been following filmmaker Minhal Baig (mostly on Twitter @minhalbaig) for a while now, and she is ready to finally break out big and show everyone how talented she really is. Hala is her second feature film following her debut 1 Night, and it's much more personal this time. The story is about a Muslim teenager named Hala - played by Geraldine Viswanathan - who lives in Chicago with her immigrant parents from Pakistan. There she copes with the unraveling of her family as she comes into her own. It's a coming-of-age story but told from an entirely different angle that we rarely see, as Sundance explains that Baig "brings a vital and layered female perspective to the coming-of-age genre." They add that she "crafts a character and story with immense relatability and unexpected consequence." I've been looking forward to seeing this ever since I first heard about it, and I'm excited that it's finally ready to premiere at Sundance. Congrats, Minhal.

Photograph Directed by Ritesh Batra

Back in 2013, I fell in love with a little film called The Lunchbox, starring Irrfan Khan and Nimrat Kaur. After making two other English-language films, Our Souls at Night and The Sense of an Ending (both from 2017), filmmaker Ritesh Batra returns to his roots and his hometown in India with Photograph. Set in Mumbai, the film is about a struggling street photographer, pressured to marry by his grandmother, who convinces a shy stranger to pose as his fiancée. The pair develops a connection that transforms them in ways that they could not expect. As a photographer myself, I'm already intrigued. But I've also got a good feeling this might be a magical, lovely new film from Ritesh Batra and I'm looking forward to seeing where he takes us. If it's anywhere close to as sweet and as honest as The Lunchbox was, it will be another instant favorite.

Little Monsters Directed by Abe Forsythe

There's always one or two films in the Midnight section that I have to see, just because they sound so crazy and fun. Little Monsters is exactly one of those that I'm going to stay up late to watch. Described as a "film dedicated to all the kindergarten teachers who motivate children to learn, instill them with confidence, and stop them from being devoured by zombies." The massively talented Lupita Nyong'o stars as that teacher, taking on an extra bloody role that will hopefully allow her to show off more of her badass side. Plus there's always room for more zombies movies, right? Why not, they're always entertaining. "Armed only with the resourcefulness of kindergartners, [they] must work together to keep the monsters at bay and carve a way out with their guts intact." I'm fairly certain this will be a good one, especially with the late night audience.

I Am Mother Directed by Grant Sputore

One of the few sci-fi films playing at Sundance, which means I have to see it no matter what. But it also looks and sounds compelling. I Am Mother features a robot designed by Weta Workshop in New Zealand, and marks the directorial debut of an award-winning commercials director from Australia named Grant Sputore. And yes, the story seems quite promising. A teenage girl is raised underground by a kindly robot "Mother" - designed to repopulate the earth following the extinction of humankind. But their unique bond is threatened when an inexplicable stranger arrives with alarming news. This reminds me a bit of Moon (which premiered at Sundance 2009) mashed up with other sci-fi concepts. The robot's design is familiar but sleek, and the handful of images they've released so far all look better than expected. Don't let me down, Sputore.

Velvet Buzzsaw Directed by Dan Gilroy

So, this looks awesome! And totally insane! And weird, and captivating, and funny, and twisted, and sly, and wicked, and frightening. Velvet Buzzsaw is the latest film written & directed by Dan Gilroy, a screenwriter who turned director (or perhaps became a true auteur) making his debut with Nightcrawler in 2014, and following that up with Roman J. Israel, Esq. in 2017. This time he attacks the art world, with a film that seems to be about pieces of art coming to life and killing people. Something like that. The cast also is quite impressive: Jake Gyllenhaal, John Malkovich, Toni Collette, Rene Russo, Daveed Diggs. And this looks like the perfect follow-up to Ruben Östlund's Palme d'Or winning film The Square, with both films mocking and lambasting the absurdity of the modern art world. I'm so there. Watch the official trailer here.

More Feature Films I'm Looking Forward To Seeing: Lulu Wang's The Farewell, Rashid Johnson's Native Son, Paul Downs Colaizzo's Brittany Runs A Marathon, Nisha Ganatra's Late Night, David Wnendt's The Sunlit Night, Makoto Nagahisa's funky We Are Little Zombies, Noble Jones' The Tomorrow Man, Bert&Bertie's Troop Zero, JD Dillard's Sweetheart, Patrick Brice's Corporate Animals, Tayarisha Poe's Selah and the Spades, Daniel Scheinert's The Death of Dick Long, and May el-Toukhy's Queen of Hearts.

Alex's Most Anticipated \Sundance 2019/ Documentaries:

Memory: The Origins of Alien Directed by Alexandre O. Philippe

A documentary about the making of Ridley Scott's original Alien! Say no more, I'm already there, I wouldn't miss this for anything. This is the latest doc film made by Swiss filmmaker Alexandre O. Philippe, who has been making docs about cinema and filmmaking for a while - including The People vs. George Lucas, and 78/52: Hitchcock's Shower Scene just before. I'm curious how much this will cover and how much it will uncover. It seems to focus more on how they came up with the original ideas and designs for the film, less so the filming or release. "Philippe's real interest lies in the deep resonance of myths and our collective unconscious. The strange symbiotic collaboration between Alien creators [Dan] O'Bannon, Scott, and H.R. Giger suggests a greater synchronicity across history, art, and storytelling, a synchronicity that gives us the Furies, creatures of Renaissance painting, and even chest-bursting aliens." Sounds damn good, right?

Moonlight Sonata: Deafness in Three Movements Directed by Irene Taylor Brodsky

Another documentary that sounds exceptionally unique. The short Sundance description grabbed me right away: "A deeply personal portrait of three lives, and the discoveries that lie beyond loss: a deaf boy growing up, his deaf grandfather growing old, and Beethoven the year he was blindsided by deafness and wrote his iconic sonata." It's a multi-generational portrait of people dealing with deafness, capturing the complexity of silence and hearing. And I am more than intrigued to find out how filmmaker Irene Taylor Brodsky (of Hear and Now previously) examines these themes and weaves these three stories together. Sundance talks it up even more in their description of the film: "Brodsky explores the meaning of deafness, loss, and the power of silence as her son discovers his unique voice and her parents confront a new chapter of their lives," adding that it's "buoyed by a perceptive soundscape and luminous animation." I really want to see this doc.

Midnight Traveler Directed by Hassan Fazili

There's always a remarkable doc discovery, or two, hidden in the Sundance line-up telling an unforgettable story from somewhere else around the world. Read about this film and you'll instantly get a feeling that it's going to be something special. Midnight Traveler is a documentary made by a filmmaker from Afghanistan, Hassan Fazili, who flees his home country and takes us on a perilous journey with his wife and two young daughters as they travel as refugees across Europe searching for a new home. It seems to be a very personal, inside look at the life of a family just trying to surviving on the run from certain death. "Chronicling every step from inside the action", Fazili's camera captures "not only the danger and desperation but also the exuberance and tenderness of this irresistible, loving family." Just look at that shot of them all in the snow above! They seem so loving, wonderful, and authentic. I want to see this just to meet and learn about them.

Apollo 11 Directed by Todd Douglas Miller

I'm a space nerd. I'm a big time fan of NASA. I'm surprised we haven't seen a documentary like this before, but I guess In the Shadow of the Moon is close (focusing on all of the Apollo missions). And I loved Damien Chazelle's First Man, which is also about Apollo 11, so I'm totally ready for this next. The documentary is purported to be an exhilarating cinematic experience, something that demands to be seen on the big screen. NASA has been digging out old footage and photographs and other artifacts from the vaults, putting all of the original footage from the Apollo 11 mission online + uncut audio recordings and more. Produced by CNN Films and Statement Pictures, this film "features never-before-seen, large-format film footage of one of humanity's greatest accomplishments." Oh yes. Can't wait to experience this. Watch the teaser trailer here.

Hail Satan? Directed by Penny Lane

A documentary about the rise of the Satanic Temple religious movement? I'm certainly curious. And it's the latest doc film made by Penny Lane - a quietly talented, quirky, fun filmmaker behind other fantastically weird documentaries like Our Nixon, The Pain of Others, and Nuts! (about a guy who sold people a goat-testicle impotence cure - it premiered at Sundance 2016). I don't know how deep this is going to go, but I am intrigued to find out. Sundance references this eye-brow-raising part of the Satanic Temple's history in their description: "Through their dogged campaign to place a nine-foot, bronze Satanic monument smack dab next to the statue of the Ten Commandments on the Arkansas State Capitol lawn, the leaders of the temple force us to consider the true meaning of the separation of church and state." Sounds like something I have to see for myself, at the very least because no one else is making films about this fascinating topic anyway.

More Documentaries I'm Looking Forward To Seeing: Kenneth Paul Rosenberg's Bedlam, Steven Bognar & Julia Reichert's American Factory, Ben Berman's Amazing Johnathan Documentary, Ljubomir Stefanov & Tamara Kotevska's Honeyland, Petra Costa's Edge of Democracy, Garret Price's Love Antosha, Hepi Mita's Merata: How Mum Decolonised The Screen, Karim Amer & Jehane Noujaim's The Great Hack, Ursula Macfarlane's Untouchable, and Alex Gibney's latest The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley.

For all of Alex's Sundance 2019 reviews and updates: Follow @firstshowing

For more Sundance 2019 previews around the web, highlighting early picks and potential breakouts, see: The Film Stage's 20 Most-Anticipated Premieres, and Indiewire's 21 Must-See Films At This Year's Festival. You never know what might be a big hit, and it's vital to have a pulse on the buzz – even before the festival starts. There's plenty of exciting and hopefully superb gems hidden in the 2019 line-up, bring on the films.

You can follow our Sundance 2019 coverage and updates in this category. The festival kicks off January 24th and runs until February 3rd, with lots of films to see every day. Let's jump right in and start watching.

from FirstShowing.net http://bit.ly/2FGN8w1