#slightly homoerotic interactions/jokes

[ace-beef]

everyone say thank you to Jeremy for keeping the spirit of Achievement Hunter alive

[woopeee]

like. like. majormoon yaoi anon once again hiiii

but like. like. where do i even start, ive explained this ship so many times to sm ppl. its hard to keep track of where the start of the explanation would be-

Imma start by covering up Life Series concepts here... will get into Empires and a funny AU i have later on... NOTE: i JUST realized seasons go autumn -> winter not winter -> autumn, so lets just imagine either its the other way around for some reason or maybe the games happen across different years or the watchers use time shenanigans n stuff IDK!!

Last Life: cottagecore queers. they started as friends, sure, they're best friends, but best friends who kiss, hold hands, cuddle together, cook together, stick to eachother like glue istg. AND I REPEAT !! KISS!! SURE SMALL PECKS BUT THATS NOT VERY FRIEND LIKE !! ive read many queerplatonic galaxy duo fanfics, but i think they're just romantically crushing on eachother and w time their relationship quickly escalated and neither of them wants to ask the big "what are we?" question. (plus, I hc every season of the series happens in a different season of the year, maybe in different years?? idk cause i didnt count for 3rd life but i dont think it would count as spring... ANYWAYS Last Life happens in Summer, for angst purposes)

Double Life: I don't wanna talk too much abt their relationship in DL cus it makes me so mentally ill, reminds me of sum personal lore in my life I wont get into, but I still love em. I hc soulmates have some shared features w their soulmates, different for everyone, like these two have the ends of their hair the color of the others hair. after the "divorce" Pearl tried to cut off that teal part but the ends just gew upwards, like the teal part just appeared in his new ends when moon cut off the old ones, so at the end he just used red dye to dye em red. Also I feel like they lowkey miss eachother even if both are too stubborn to talk to eachother and at least try to fix things. (winter. winter freezes. often killing all that in summer grew green)

Limited Life: Oh hoh ho... the drama is back but the toxicity is gone. frienemies, exes, a bit petty still but can joke about it for a lil, have forgiven eachother but at times still feel resentment. they live very far away, yet when they interact in person, if things are 1o1 and there isnt any of their allies nearby, gosh can the tension be cut with a knife. not only tension in the way or anger, but sometimes just being awkward around eachother, sometimes homosexual tension, sometimes homoerotic tension- (half joke, i wont talk abt nsfw stuff but theyre adults). They stare at eachother from across the room thinking either "i wanna punch you so bad" or "i would so go and kiss you right here right now", or both. However theyre still fairly friendly, its not the same as *Our Last Summer*, since they'll maybe pull petty pranks on eachother, specially the Nosy Neighbors on Mean Gills, with Pearl mostly having Scott's ever so slightly upset reaction, if even to get a groan or frown from him, tho he doesnt hate her anymore, its not like winter, thats in the past. Autumn comes and makes leafs fall... it gets rid of the dead waste of what winter killed, preparing for Spring...

Secret Life: ... for a new beginning. Spring comes along, a new, more lighthearted game at the start. After going through so much stuff together, everything they've overcome, "That's in the past" "It was a one time thing?" "Yeah, yeah" "Well, I'm glad we agree... glad we can move past that". And they start again, blank page, althrough clearly stained by past moments, they can look back at them fondly and joke around about it without hard feelings. Not only that, but they finally make up their minds, both of them get their shit together and can finally label their relationship, make it official... tho whats a game about secrets without some secrets of their own? So at first, with a bit of fear of what their allies would say, but also just in a way to keep privacy and get a laugh out of others confusions, they meet up in secret. Secret meetings at night or when their allies are out, whispering to eachother and giving eachother accomplice looks, finding hiden spots to sit down and talk. They're plenty suspicious in plain sight, but with all the reasons there could be for them to be hiding something? Maybe theyre up to no good! Maybe they're plotting destruction! Maybe its got to do with their tasks! Yeah, it drives the yellows mad in particular, trying to guess their tasks just to be told it couldnt be further from correct or that they already complited theirs. Now some participants are a bit oblivious, but others can put 2 and 2 together pretty quickly... they'd keep their mouths shut tho, cause seeing the others lose their mind trying to uncover their "plans" is quite the funny sight. Maybe some would get a push like a little knudge from Cleo "They're dating, Bdubs" "... OHHHH, SO THATS WHY". The Roomies all know for sure, Impulse suspects, to Gem and the Mounders it never crossed their minds, unsure about others tbh but thats what I know for sure. But yeah! Maybe at first they'd have a "Bad Idea" (from Waitress) moment, tho that song also could fit an ""afair"" in LimL from what ive talked with a friend, but yeah. They're destined to die anyways, since the finale means only one can win, and that winner is neither of them, but they'll meet in the next game. Tilly next time. Or, Tilly death does them part...

... except not, cause not even death can do that, cause they are able to find eachother in every single universe, no matter the circumstances, even if their situation isnt ideal in some, they're always together, in one way or another. MajorMoon yaoi anon dropping the anon. Shameless Scottearl posting today!! Let's go rom Galaxy Duo Truthers!!!

Youre getting your own tag /silly

[fryandleelasbigfling]

Amy and Leela relationship?

i think about amy and leela a lot because the show is really weird with them due to the fact they are usually two women written primarily by men, and that can be quite evident -- usually in the form of gratuitous fanservice (albeit usually self aware), but also in their catty dynamic. "butterjunk effect" is the most infamous instance of this so i like to ignore most of what it says about their relationship cuz it falls into tropes i hate.

personally i actually laugh a lot at amy's passive aggression towards leela. i know it falls into misogynistic tropes and i'm not gonna give the writers Credit for it, but as someone who struggles with femininity, some of amy's digs just resonate really hard as an exaggeration of what it feels like to deal with internalized misogyny.

it's also interesting because amy suffered misogynistic emotional abuse from her parents her whole life, so i think even though she knows their rhetoric is wrong, she internalizes a lot of beliefs about what womanhood should be and ends up projecting them onto leela. she rarely actually sounds malicious towards leela -- in fact, several times she insults leela ("a leela of her own," "anthology of interest 1") with a tone that sounds complimentary or at least like an attempt to "help." and i think she does genuinely want leela to lower her standards and have fun and find love, and she's a genuinely good wingwoman in "bender's big score."

this is falling into pure headcanon but i think amy's slightly fascinated with leela, how she can push forward and -- on the surface -- take total control of the situation, coordinate herself, (seemingly) not care about her appearance and take a more practical approach. their interactions in season one are more friendly while the writers were still figuring out their personalities, and amy even seemed to initially try to respect leela as a captain. yet in later seasons i think amy got caught in in leela's more "pathetic" attributes and found it pitiful, but a little funny too. amy does seem to understand leela's grief to some extent ("xmas story") but generally has trouble empathizing with people. (i attribute this to her upbringing -- her parents seem to dismiss any genuine emotion she has, even telling her to get over it when her husband died.)

(i also headcanon that amy had a bit of a crush on leela when they first met, which faded / was repressed over time because she started noticing more of leela's flaws. however "bender's game" and a few other homoerotic jokes suggests that there's something weird between them sometimes. idk i think amy having a crush on leela despite everything she says about her is just funny and compelling)

on the flip side i think leela genuinely does dislike amy because of her insulting nature, but also i think leela would be a little resentful that the only other girl in the company is rich and beautiful and sexually active. leela has a problem with comparing herself to social norms and trying to please people / prove she's better than they thought she was, so amy is almost like, a manifestation of her own insecurities, especially after she gets with kif since leela doesn't find true love for a while after that.

but she can put that aside and reach out to amy when the latter's having issues, because she is responsible and kind. she's literally amy's shoulder to cry on in "beast with a billion backs" which means a lot more when you remember the love of leela's life (well one version of him) offed himself about a month ago.

i think their most solid dynamic is in "murder on the planet express" because they fight over shit besides their sexual prowess and femininity, but also work together well. they have such a funny sisterly dynamic and i'd love the revival to lean more into that instead of that "all women passive aggressively hate each other" bs, especially with their more diverse writers' room which has more Women in it.

[allaboutnayeli]

my heart over yours | j.fleming x reader

prompt: everyone has always said the friendship between jessie and you was too intimate. that the two of you were too close, but you never believed them until you got a girlfriend.

author notes: trying a slightly new style for this fic. i don't know rather to make this into a series or just a oneshot, so you can read this as a prologue or just a stand alone. anyways here's a fic for my canadian babygirl jessie 🙇🏽‍♀️ enjoy!

contains: ucla!jessie x reader, childhood bestie!jessie, homoerotic friendship low-key, jealous!jessie if you squint, aj not understanding shit about canada, slightly messy timeline sorry y'all 💔, super long grab a snack lay back relax

masterlist to other parts

playing thinkin bout you by frank ocean 🎵

you have known jessie since she was seven years old. with her moving into your neighborhood in elementary, at first you didn't try to interact with her. she was just the girl with freckles who was always outside. the shy girl in class who you would sometimes be paired up with for meaningless assignments. jessie just didn't stand out to you; she didn't talk much during class and usually kept to herself.

it was your mother that pushed you towards being friends with her. during summer vacation, your mother thought it would be an amazing idea to put you into the local girls soccer club. you have always been an energetic kid, but that summer when you turned eight was when she had enough of you running around the house.

"it will be a great opportunity. you can get all that energy out of your system," your mother said one night when you were helping her cook; standing on a stool next to her at the counter. she pinched your cheek when she mentioned your chaotic-ness. you had scrunched your nose back then. due to the sharp pang of pain from her pinch and the internal disagreement you had with her decision.

you didn't know the first thing about soccer. you hardly watched it, only when your father would tell you to come and cuddle with him while he watched chelsea matches. "they're just kicking around a ball.." you would mumble, your head resting against his chest, and he would always playfully scold you. going on and going on about how soccer is much more than just kicking around ball. you would just nod in agreement with his words when deep down you didn't have a clue what he was on about.

that girls soccer club is what sent you right into jessie's arms. the fellow canadian was excited when she spotted you at the first practice of the summer. she didn't even know you would be coming to play soccer this summer; jessie has been meaning to talk you all school year. too intimidated to say anything. you were loud, always raising your hand in class, and had tons of friends. where would she even fit? now that jessie had the opportunity to get some type of close to you, she was ready to take it.

"we have the same cleats," she said when she approached you. a bashful smile on her lips as she looked down at you on the ground. you giggled, glancing from your cleats to hers. the two pairs of cleats were the same exact ones; a nice white base with a blue nike sign on the shoes. it seemed like you two had the same taste or at least your mothers did.

you sat up, dusting off the grass from your t-shirt. jessie offers a hand to help you up that you accept. "yeah. sorry for copying you, freckles," you joke. jessie lets out a giggle. she didn't get why being called freckles by you almost made her blush back then. she's been called it plenty of times by others at school, why was it different with you?

"it's fine. to gain my forgiveness, you just have to be my friend," the freckled girl joked back. you two fall into a conversation full of nothing while waiting for practice to start. the conversation may have been meaningless at the time, but it was the start of something great.

the friendship between jessie and you grew quickly. with you carpooling with her to practice and every game that entire summer since your parents had schedules full of work. sometimes you would even sleepover jessie's house. leading you to get to know her older brother tristan; you soon grew a sister-brother like relationship with him. with you having no siblings of yours at the time, you clung to the teasing words of his and all the extra snacks he let jessie and you get at midnight when you two were supposed to be in bed.

when school came back around, there was a small fear in jessie that you would ditch her. all of your other friends were way louder than her and seemed more interesting, but that would be the furthest thing from the truth. you keep her around, introducing her to all of your friends who already knew about jessie due to her being a champ in cross-country for the elementary school.

jessie and yours friendship grew even deeper as you two became older. not just the relationship between you two, but also the relationship between your families. your mother would always invite jessie's over for her girl nights when she had the chance. jessie's father sound found out about your father's soccer obsession and they became close over that. when jessie's mother was pregnant with elysse, jessie's younger sister, your mother was the one who threw the baby shower.

you two become so apart of each other's life that it didn't make sense for the friendship to ever falter. y'all were always together to the point that some of your friends would question your friendship.

"is jessie like your girlfriend?" said clair, one of your close friends in eighth grade (not closer than jessie and you but still), while walking to class one day. you stop in your tracks. glancing at the blonde girl who's a few steps ahead of you. she looks back at you with a questioning look, "what?"

"what do you mean, what?" you look around to see if anyone else heard her words. the hall wasn't too crowded, but it definitely wasn't empty. "no. jess is not my girlfriend, just my bestfriend," you say. shrugging off her words as you walk up to catch up with her. clair gives you a look that says i don't believe you but you ignore it because what is she on about? you aren't dating jessie. she's your bestfriend, nothing more.

clair's words stuck with you for the rest of the day. why would she even think of something like that? how could she just get the guts to ask a weird question like that?

at the end of the school day when you met up with jessie at the school doors, so you two could leave, you wanted to bring it up. fortunately you don't. instead listening to jessie ramble on about her recent non-fiction obsession that she was able to read in class. her hand is interlocked with yours as you two walk towards her mother's car. she only lets go of your hand when she slips into the backseat of the truck, patting the spot next to her to signal you to hurry up and get in.

"i was going to get in regardless," you giggle, sitting down next to her in the backseat. you shut the door once settled, saying a few words of greeting to jessie's mother before focusing all of your attention on her.

"you weren't going fast enough for me," jessie immediately grabs your hand after you snap in your seatbelt. she couldn't help herself. the feeling of your hand against hers made her feel grounded. "sorry, princess. i'll go faster next time," you joke. leaning your head against her shoulder as jessie ignores your teasing and goes back to rambling.

it takes only fifteen minutes to reach jessie and yours neighborhood. her mom pulling up into their family driveway before hopping out. telling jessie to do her laundry once jessie gets out of the car, bringing you along with her. she holds onto both of your backbags, something she always does, claiming that she doesn't want your back to be hurting from the weight.

"okay, i got it, ma," jessie says. waiting for her mom to go into the house before following after. you're still a bit drowsy from drifting off in the truck, so you just follow along. briefly waving at your mom who you catch a glance of down the street before fully being dragged into the house. jessie drops you two's backbags near the bench in the entrance hallway before pulling you to her bedroom upstairs.

the girl has been missing you all day since you two unfortunately aren't in the same class this year. not being able to hear your voice or play with your fingers when she was bored in class has been driving her insane all that; she didn't really get why, but who cares for reasoning when it's not important in the moment?

"are you going to come to my next cross-country meet?" the freckled girl says, letting go of your hand once you two are in the privacy of her bedroom. you give a tired nod, walking over to her bed to sit on it. she gives you a sharp look, not wanting you to sit on her bed with your outside clothes. you groan but still get up and move over to her closet to look through her clothes. it was a casual thing to wear jessie's clothes. she was your bestfriend, you guys share everything.

the room falls into silence as you two change. it doesn't feel awkward to change around jessie; she has seen you get changed before in the girls soccer club locker room at away games. nothing ever felt awkward with the girl. she never made anything weird; she was jessie, your jessie. you can do whatever around her without judgement.

you slip into some cotton shorts and one of jessie's weird space t-shirts while jessie changed into a tank top and pajama pants. she moves to cut on her tv. scrolling past the different apps on the smart tv before landing on youtube; throwing on some gaming video that would just be background noise for you two.

"hm, can you pull down the blackout blinds, please?" you pout at her. coming close to give her a half hug that makes her scoff.

"only if i get a real hug," jessie says. you roll your eyes in playful annoyance before pulling her into a full hug. swaying slightly as you rub at her back. jessie lets out a content sigh, taking in the scent of your coconut bodywash. the smell always calms her, she don't know why and doesn't really care to know. the hug lasts for a long moment with neither jessie or you wanting to pull away.

but unfortunately, jessie pulls away first. you give her a mock sad look before moving past her to go lay on her bed. she pulls down her blackout blinds before laying in bed beside you.

you pull her close like you always do when you two take your daily afterschool naps. it always feels like your body slots in perfectly against hers. jessie plays with your hair, letting the silence between you two settle.

you nearly drift off, but the question from clair earlier interrupts your peaceful dip into the world of sleep. is jessie like your girlfriend? rings throughout your mind. why would clair ask that? does jessie wonder the same sometimes..? you have to ask her.

jessie is already half asleep. you can tell by her slow breathing and the way she's trying to keep her eyes open, but just keep failing. she lets out a soft hum when you start to speak,

"do you think we act like girlfriends?" you ask softly. your question makes jessie open her eyes in surprise. she narrows her eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness in the room, before her glance stops on you.

"who said that?" she mumbles. it wasn't the first time someone had suggested that jessie and you were anything, but friendly. she hears the rumors around school about how people think you two are lesbians; for some reason that thought doesn't bother her much, but she would never mention that to you. it's the one thing she keeps a secret from you, locked away in the back of her mind.

you slightly shrug, your legs tangling with hers. "clair.. she gave me a look after too when i said you were just my bestfriend.." you trail off, frowning, "like i was some liar."

jessie lets out a chuckle before pressing her face against your forehead. "just your bestfriend? wow i thought we were closer than that..." she playfully says. trying to lighten the mood and get that frown off of your lips. she can hear in your voice and she hates it.

you laugh softly, "shush. you're proving their point." you give her arm a gentle pinch, making her let out a soft ow. you two joke around for a few moments before the tiredness from the day starts to really set it in. soon enough jessie stops talking, letting her eyes close and you follow soon after. happily drifting off in her arms.

once secondary school came around, the thoughts around jessie and your friendship got even worse. the other students at school saw jessie holding your hand while also holding your bag on the first day of school and ran with it. even when you both actively denied it, nobody believed you two. in everyone else eyes you two were dating or at least on the way to that step.

even people within your friendgroup were skeptical. especially your closest friend (outside of jessie) sabrina who didn't get how you two were so attached. the friendship between jessie and you just felt deeper than she ever seen before.

when jessie got her first senior national team call-up, that's when sabrina's skeptical boiled over. while you have given up soccer near the end of eighth grade, jessie had kept going. she was always more serious about the sport than you were. it was just an outlet for your energy and when you slowly found other ways to get all that energy out, you didn't find the need for soccer anymore; that feeling was back in sixth grade, but you held out on leaving the girls soccer club until two years later because of jessie. soccer felt like y'all's thing and you wanted to keep it that way, but you couldn't keep playing it when you wanted to do other things, so eventually you left.

instead you started to work during the ninth grade school year and have been saving up to go to a concert for the following year in tenth grade. however when tenth grade year came around and jessie told you that she got a senior national team call-up, you were quick to use that money to get a ticket to brazil and a ticket for the first game where canada plays at the tournament. keeping it a secret from jessie to surprise her. you of course had to get some help from tristan since your mother wouldn't allow fifteen year old you go to an completely different continent, but still you were going.

"do you think she's going to like it?" you asked while studying with sabrina for a math test. it's two weeks before jessie had to go to camp in brazil; you have been keeping your surprise a secret for a while now and was ready to tell her the next time you saw her.

"i mean yeah, it's you we're talking about," sabrina replies. looking up from her notes to look at you. a frown grows on your lips as you notice her tone; like your question was dumb. "what do you mean it's me we're talking about?" you give her a confused look.

"you know what i mean. jessie would like anything you give her because she likes you," she says. empathizing the she likes you part. the frown on your lips deepen. her words carry some sort of annoyance. you don't reply, going back to reviewing your notes. when you don't say anything back sabrina quickly tries to make the situation better by saying, "it's not like i'm homophobic or something. i don't care that you're dating jessie."

"i'm not dating jessie!" you shout, quietening your voice after realizing how loud you were, "she's my bestfriend and i can't believe that you of all people would say something like that."

"stop lying to yourself, y/n! would you spend your money on going to an entirely different country for anyone else? for me? or serena? or any of our friends? i think not."

"they aren't jessie! sorry, but she's more important to me than anyone else. i want to be there when she first gets to be on the pitch," you reason, "it's not because i'm like inlove with her." not looking at sabrina afterwards, already knowing she's giving you a look of i don't believe you.

sabrina starts to fight against your words, but can't even get a sentence out before your phone starts vibrating; jessie's contract showing up on your screen. you look at sabrina before answering the phone.

"hey jess," you say as you get up and leave out of sabrina's room. not wanting her to hear the conversation between jessie and you after her weird.. accusation? you didn't know what to call it. you just knew you didn't want her to hear a word you were going to say to jessie. you go to sit on the top of the stairs. leaning your head against the wall as jessie speaks, "hey. i was missing you.. where are you?"

"sabrina's. we have this big math test, so she asked to study together," you say. jessie lets out a sigh on the other line. "oh.. i was going to ask if you could come over. i feel like i haven't seen you all day and we haven't taken our daily nap yet.. so," she says.

you giggle, jessie would never directly ask you to leave someone else's place to come to hers, it's rude but you can tell that's what she wants just from her voice alone. "i'll come over. we were almost done anyways," you say.

you can hear the smile on jessie's lips on the other line. "really? you don't have to.. but thanks," she says. you hang up afterwards. going back into sabrina's room to put your notebook back into your bag before texting your mom to come pick you up. sabrina was annoyed when you told her you were leaving, with her saying something about how you would blow off anyone for jessie. you just shrug her words off and went outside to wait on the porch for your mom. not wanting to stay in sabrina's house any longer.

it takes ten minutes, but you get from sabrina's to your own house. putting your backbag away in your room before running off to jessie's house. greeting her mother and father on the way to her room. letting all the tension from sabrina's fall from your shoulders as you step inside of her room. before you can say anything, jessie gets off of her bed and comes close to you. pulling you into a hug, she lets out a content sigh.

"been missing you all day," she mumbles into your neck. you smile, one of your hands rubbing at her upper back while the other is on her waist. you let out your own content sigh; you have been missing jessie the entire day as well. it wasn't normal for the two of you to go a few hours without eachother unless it's when jessie would get called up to youth national team camps and tournaments. even then she would call you every time she had the chance to, claiming she missed your voice.

she pulls towards her bed without letting you go. taking her arm from around your waist to push the covers on her bed over before pulling you down onto the bed with her.

"so clingy.." you whisper against her ear. she just chuckles, moving so that you both are fully on the bed before pulling the covers over you two. you're laying on top of her now, your thighs hugging her hips.

"told you i missed you.." she whispers back. closing her eyes; with you finally in her arms and the darkness of her room, jessie was getting sleepy.

the earlier conversation with sabrina is still on your mind, but you decide against bringing it up. jessie was used to people making assumptions about you two, so it would be no use to bring it up. instead you just let out a hum of acknowledgement, slowly becoming sleepy as well.

"missed you too.." you murmured before letting yourself drift off.

the rest of highschool was a whirlwind for jessie and you's friendship. when you surprised her at the chile vs canada game at the tournament in brazil, she nearly cried when she saw tristan and you after the loss against chile. you were wearing one of her old soccer jerseys, the letters on the back of it basically faded away. you had even bought her flowers that she took gratefully. that night you didn't go back to your hotel room, but to jessie's. after the loss she needed the comfort and you were the right person for it. thankfully her roommate wasn't staying in the room that night, deciding to go out with the rest of the adults in the team.

you held her in your arms, reassuring her that she played well and that the loss wasn't based off her performance. chile just played a better game than canada that evening. jessie had finally let herself cry, burying her face into your chest. she only let herself cry around you; finding it too embarrassing around others. you are the only one who can truly comfort her, it was just different with you.

that following morning, jessie slept in with you. too tired from everything that happened yesterday. the rest of the day was spent in that hotel room mostly with jessie being too tired to leave her bed and refusing to let you either. you left brazil a day before the canadian national team did, with a bunch of texts from jessie coming in when you landed back in canada.

in the same school year is when jessie got recruited by ucla. she was so confused about the recruitment process and you two spent a good hour or two looking at youtube videos about how these types of trips usually go a few days before she was meant to leave. you two spent an entire week (before jessie was even getting recruited) talking about what colleges you two wanted to attend; with you thinking about going over to england for university or maybe closer to home, right next door, in america. while jessie was unsure about where she wanted to go. the soccer college scene in america was interesting to her and made the most sense for her career. also american college sounded fun, at least that's what she got from the movies and vlogs she watched over the years. jessie didn't want to be stuck in canada forever; she wanted to branch out and see new things.

when jessie went on the trip, half of her time was split between looking around campus and getting to know the team and the rest was spent talking to you on the phone. she wished you could be there with her. the freckled girl just wanted to share every experience with you; that's what bestfriends do. you missed her dearly as well while she was away. coming over to her house three times out of the week she was gone. laying in her bed in her clothes while calling her. thankfully jessie's parents didn't care if you slept over even when jessie wasn't there, they found the closeness between jessie and you cute. your parents didn't really care either. just telling you to come down the street for dinner before letting you go back to jessie's house; knowing just how much you are attached to the freckled girl.

when jessie came back to canada, you two spent nearly two days just stuck to eachother's side. jessie telling you all about what she saw and showing you all the pictures she took, for you.

the biggest hurdle of highschool was definitely when jessie made the decision to move to vancouver. nearing the middle of eleventh grade, she told you about the decision she's been pondering about ever since her first senior call-up. just thinking about the distance that would be between you two almost made her reconsider, but she realized she needed this if she wanted to further along her career. since tristan have been living in vancouver for a good few months now and training for the national team happened there, everything fell in place for jessie to go. her parents agreed once she explained why she wanted to go. now it was time to tell you.

the day she was planning to tell you, the atmosphere felt strange between you two like you knew something big was about to happen. jessie had dragged you to the park around the time of sunset, letting her mom know that nothing would happen and that two of you would be safe. she's barely swinging as she sits on the swing. her mind lost in thought about how to bring up her leaving.

however it wasn't jessie who started the conversation, but you. the young player had been acting strange all day and even the day before that, so you knew something was up. "what is it?" you ask softly, sitting on the swing next to her.

jessie bites her lips out of nervousness before saying, "i'm leaving for vancouver in a month and i'm sorry i didn't tell you, but i want to be a pro player so bad, i have to do this." her jumbled explanation makes you let out a soft laugh; jessie is intelligent, but always struggles to explain our thoughts. when her words sunk in you let out another soft laugh, this time out of disbelief. jessie's leaving..?

"what do you mean? like for a camp right? that's fine, i'll see you in a few weeks, it's fine," you look over at her. she refuses to meet your eyes and just looks down at her feet. "i mean like.. until college," she says. you fall silent, unsure on what to say. what could even be said? what were you supposed to do? beg for her to not go do something important for her career? you couldn't, so you just shut your mouth.

looking away from her to hide the tears starting to swell up in your eyes. jessie's fighting back tears of her own. jessie and you have shared practically every moment of your lives together since elementary, while away in vancouver, would she share moments with someone else? the thought makes your stomach turn.

jessie finally gets up and comes close to you. her hand moves to wipe away the tears on your face. you look up at her before standing up, grabbing onto her hand to interlock it with yours, using it to pull her close. you hide your face in her neck, still crying.

"we still can be bestfriends right?" you sob out. you don't even understand why you asked that question. of course you two can still be bestfriends, distance may make that harder but that doesn't make your bond any different. you don't get why jessie leaving feels like a piece of your heart is being cut out; why it's so painful. jessie obviously wasn't doing much better than you as she replies, "yeah. i would never let you go." you can hear the sadness in her voice.

it takes a few moments for you both to calm down. you are the first to pull away. looking at jessie to see how she was doing. the freckled girl has tear strains down her cheeks, but also a small smile on her lips. when you two's eyes meet she starts to giggle.

"you look like a mess," she pokes your cheek. you roll your eyes before saying, "you aren't much better." you playfully poke her cheek too. jessie acts like she's going to bite your finger, giggling when you pull it back.

"just don't go around making new bestfriends, okay?" you say. jessie nods before looking around you two. the sun has already set and the streetlights are now on.

"let's go before the buses stop running," she pulls you away from the swings, towards down the street where the bus stop is. you two stand side by side, holding hands, until the bus come.

you slept over her house that night. neither of you wanting to be away from eachother after something so emotional.

the next year and half don't go as badly as you imagined. you two find time to always call and even visit eachother when able. whenever the canadian national team had games close to london, you were always quick to go if jessie was on the roster (which she usually was). time flew past quickly. with you focusing the rest of your time on doing well in school, so you could be prepared for college admissions. you decided on going to an american college after jessie told you one day that she committed to ucla. when it came time to apply to colleges, you applied for around six. with your top pick being ucla.

all of your hard work was worth it as you got into ucla. opening up your acceptance email on facetime with jessie who was ecstatic and slightly sad because she couldn't be there to celebrate with you in person, but still you two would soon be together so it was alright.

that following fall when you arrived on the ucla campus, you found jessie right away. the now eighteen year old having decided on a spot for you two to meet on campus. you two found a way to be roommates. having a blast while trying to decorate the dorm with all the stuff you two bought along; already planning to go get some more later on in the month.

getting settled into college was a challenge for you. it was different from how canadian schools worked and the ucla campus was way bigger than the secondary school you, and once jessie at one point, attended. finding all of the classes you needed to find was stressful and the huge class sizes made you uncomfortable for a small moment before you got use to it. everything wasn't all bad. ucla has a beautiful campus with tons of fun things to do. you would join a club if your major wasn't having you run around campus nearly everyday or writing papers that would lead you into the depths of the night. all the free time you had was spent with jessie.

when soccer practice started, you were always in the stands at the practice grounds. snacking on some fruit while watching some netflix show, taking your attention off of your entertainment when jessie would call for you.

"you're here to pay attention to me! not watch some show," she would say from the bottom of the stands. you always roll your eyes, but would listen to her. looking at the team push a ball around, do suicides, and other exercises wasn't the most interesting but it was fun to watch jessie be in her element. she always moved so well across the field like the movements were programmed into her. it was absolute pure skill.

the entire soccer season you somehow found a way to come to every home game. wearing one of jessie's ucla jerseys that she left in y'all's dorm. she always smiles when she spots you in the stands, giving a quick wave if it was half time. you were like her lucky charm. she played the best when you were there; maybe because she wanted to impress you? not like that's something weird, you're her bestfriend. who wouldn't want to impress their bestfriend?

jessie was one of your only friends for the majority of the first semester and half of the second semester. your major kept you busy and jessie filled in all the empty spots left over. you had two other friends outside of the canadian. a spanish exchange student by the name of gabriela who you befriended after helping her find a book section in the library one day. after that, she was determined to be your friend and you weren't going to stop her. happily studying with her when you had time which meant when you weren't studying with jessie. the other girl you befriended was a law student by the name of eva. you two always somehow ran into eachother on the huge ucla campus, so at one point you just asked her for her instagram and the rest is history. she tries to make time to hangout with you, but law school takes up so much of her day that you two usually just text. occasionally waving when you saw eachother on campus, but that was it.

jessie was still your best friend and closest friend. living in the same space strengthened the bond between you two; it just felt natural to come back into the dorm and hug jessie after a long day or for jessie to demand cuddles after a grueling practice.

it wasn't until the middle of second semester that you branched out from jessie and your other two friends. there was this huge project in one of your classes that counted towards an exam grade that you could do alone or with a partner. with how much work would be needed to be put into the project and how little time you really had to focus on just one project for one class, you decided on the partner option; much to jessie's dismay.

when you told her about how you needed to find a partner in your class for the project, she had let out a sigh. leaning back on the pillows on her bed before looking at you. "so you're going to like bring someone here?" she questioned. the soccer player cringes at the thought of someone being in y'all's space. sitting on your bed or even on the floor was too much. it wasn't like it really bothered her, the canadian just doesn't like people in her space.

"we will probably work in the library or in their dorm. i feel like ours is always a mess," you shrugged. rolling your eyes when jessie let out a sigh of relief. it wasn't really one of relief as internally jessie didn't feel so good about you spending time in someone else's dorm; she didn't get why, but does it really matter? you always studied with her and did most projects with her. of course she wouldn't be used to you having to do one with someone else.

back then jessie just shrugged off her thoughts and changed the subject to talk about how her day went. not wanting to dwell too much on a topic that now made her cringe.

you found a partner the next day. the tall blonde, sasha, who always sat next to you in class. it only made sense to ask her since you were already familiar with her. the woman had quickly agreed, claiming she didn't want to do all of that work by herself.

the rest of the semester was spent doing the project in sasha's dorm most of the time. your time was quickly consumed by her; cutting into your time with jessie, annoying the both of you. not being able to spend all of your free time with jessie was messing with you. sasha was very sweet and bubbly. way louder than jessie was. being with sasha was always a fun experience, but at the end of it you were always thinking about when you could go home.

jessie wasn't liking your attention not being on her. who would listen to her non-fiction book rambles? or stay up to three am watching 2000s classics? who else would ever play soccer with her at the park closest to ucla? no one, well no one she wanted to do those activities with. those endless moments belong to jessie and you; no one else.

"i just don't get why you're always with her," jessie says over the phone. she's in your sweater and shorts while sitting on your bed. you were out late with sasha again to finish that project. jessie hates that project; it's the reason why you weren't in bed with her right now, cuddling.

you sigh, looking at sasha who was besides you before saying, "this project is taking up much more time than i thought. wish i was there with you, i miss my bed."

"just your bed?"

"you too. shush it, freckles." jessie laughs softly after hearing you drop her childhood nickname. your short conversation is cut short by sasha who told you to help her find some more research papers to use in the project. you give jessie a small apology before hanging up.

the canadian groans when you hang up. dropping her phone down on your sheets. she lays back and just thinks about what you could be doing right now if you were here with her. your body against hers as she holds you. talking about a bunch of nothing, but it was something when it came out of your mouth.

jessie misses you; that's one thing she knows for sure.

nearing the end of the semester when sasha and you were doing the finishing touches on the project, there was more free time for you both. you wanted to spend those few extra hours with jessie since you have been mostly seeing her in the mornings before she head off to the class and late at night when you would come back to the dorm, exhausted. you miss your bestfriend dearly. too bad for you, jessie was called up for a national team camp for two upcoming friendlies.

jessie was just as disappointed as you, clinging to your side the entire day before she was meant to leave for camp. good thing you had a rare day off. it felt like old times that day, just jessie and you. after she left, you started to hang out with sasha more just because she was someone you had the most access to. eva was drowning under exams while gabriela was living her best party girl life and you were all up for partying, but not nearly every night. that left sasha who would see almost everyday without a doubt. wanting to finish the project at least three days before the deadline, so it didn't feel you two were rushing things. with jessie gone, things got weirdly deep between sasha and you.

after finishing up the work needed for the day, sasha would ask you to stay with her for an extra hour or two. just to talk while eating. you always agreed since you didn't have nothing else to do and jessie unfortunately couldn't facetime much. you and sasha would go into deep conversations about whatever came to mind. it was fun just like anything else with sasha.

however one day the energy between the blonde and you felt different like she was holding something back. you weren't shocked when at the last session of working on the project, she stopped you from leaving after two hours of talking. what you didn't expect was what came out of her mouth,

"i really like you, y/n. would you like to go on a date with me? maybe this weekend" she asks, her hand holding onto your wrist. you stay silent for a few moments before saying, "sure."

when you got back to your dorm, you didn't even understand why you said yes. it wasn't like you were particularly interested in sasha. she was great, fun, bubbly, even quite smart, she was sasha. in your mind she wasn't super attractive. not as magnetic as a certain freckles canadian in your life, but that was an unfair comparison since no one could compare to jessie in your world.

you thought to yourself that a date with sasha wouldn't be so bad. having a casual college romance wouldn't be so bad; you want to experience college love too. while you were stuck in your thoughts, your phone vibrated. you pick it up to see jessie's contact on your screen, immediately answering the call.

she's laying on her hotel bed with her face squished against the pillow. it's dark in the room with the only light being the light from the phone screen shining on her freckled face. jessie smiles when your camera shows you. "hey.." she says, sounding almost half asleep.

"hey freckles. how was training?" you ask softly. getting comfortable on your bed.

"it was alright, but uh.." jessie licks her lips before saying, "i was wondering if you were going to come to the game this weekend. it's in san diego, you know, against the usa and if you were going to drive or fly down." you let out a soft gasp of surprise as you realized you forgot; jessie asked you to come at least one of the friendlies happening between the the north american rivals earlier that week. you have even put the date down in your calendar for the san diego one. the swamp of your usual college work and that huge project must have burned that little date from your brain.

"god, jess. i was planning to but.. sasha asked me out today and said she wanted to go on a date this weekend.." before you can finish explaining, jessie is furrowing her eyebrows at your words.

there is badly hidden irritation in jessie's voice as she says,"sasha asked you what?"

author notes: okay, i lied! this will actually be a series, ending it off on a cliffhanger for right now 💔 i didn't proof read this so don't care about any grammatical or spelling errors, thanks!

© THINKINGABOUTJAEDYN

[pomegranatecookiez]

i feel like starting some shit so im just gonna come out and say it. the way devsisters treats m/m relationships (and honestly? any kind of straightn’t relationship) is really starting to bug me

its not at a point where i feel comfortable calling it “queerbaiting” but by god it is getting close. i was already iffy on the way they treated espresseleine (remember the valentines day post? i try not to) but the way wildberry and crunchy chip were written in odyssey and ESPECIALLY odyssey chapter three really sealed the deal for me in terms of, yeah, theyre pandering to fujoshis here. it hasnt been long since odyssey ended but i have a gut feeling that wildberry and crunchy arent gonna show up again for a long time, if ever. which when you consider how often they dipped their toes into “hohohoehoho oh man isnt this kinda gay? aint this kinda fruity” territory (the scene where wildberry carries him. they absolutely knew what they were doing) without ever doing anything that implies any kind of unambiguous romantic attraction between them started to feel really skeevy the longer it went on. like, haha, look at these two guys being stupid and gay together. too bad you’re probably never gonna see them again and we’re never gonna elaborate beyond that lol :) i could be proven wrong but i’d be genuinely surprised if i was.

and thats not even getting into how they have a tendency to use same sex crushes for comedic purposes. theres milk cookies crush on dark choco which, at this point, can NOT be interpreted as anything other than romantic. and while not a m/m example, pomegranate’s in a similar situation where they’ve done everything to imply she has some kind of psychosexual obsession with dark enchantress cookie that isn’t just making her say “man i sure do wanna fuck my boss” in the game itself. thankfully sea fairy and moonlight’s relationship hasn’t been used to tease fans or played for laughs, but that should be the standard, not the exception. 

it’s important to mention that cookie run generally hasn’t dabbled in any kind of explicit romantic relationships between its characters until recently, mint choco and cocoa cookie’s relationship is the first time they’ve shown it so openly and even then, they aren’t officially dating. but still, their relationship is played completely seriously, while gay ships, m/m ships especially, have to linger in some weird state of either being used for comedic effect, or used to tease fans who start foaming at the mouth uncontrollably when two men have any interaction that could be interpreted as even SLIGHTLY homoerotic.

i dunno man, just. let two men have a relationship on the same level as mint choco and cocoa’s without it being played for goofs. stop using pomegranate cookie’s unhealthy obsession with a woman who it’s heavily implied is manipulating her for “haha shes a SIMP” jokes. i know its a little dumb of me to expect good lgbt representation from a gacha game owned by a big company but they’ve done a good job with handling things like nonbinary characters and AGAIN we have sea fairy and moonlight proving they can do it at least somewhat decently and. im tired

[shortnotsweet]

The Allegory of the Tin Man, the Dictator, and the Knight: a Dissection of Ironqrow and a Character Arc of Failure

“There lived in the Land of Oz two queerly made men who were best of friends. They were so much happier when together that they were seldom apart.”

— L. Frank Baum

A brief Ironqrow meta and character analysis of James Ironwood, the ultimate screw up, in three parts.

I. Qrow and Ironwood’s Homoeroticism in Canon Source Material and its Translation

II. Ironwood’s Repressed Characterization and the Inherent Chivalry of the Dictatorship

III. Ironwood, Alone

Qrow and Ironwood’s Homoeroticism in Canon Source Material and its Translation

Within the Oz series, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow are layered within homoerotic subtext, even if it is included unintentionally. Tison Pugh’s analysis Queer Utopianism and Antisocial Eroticism in L. Frank Baum's Oz Series posits that the land of Oz as portrayed within the series is a largely asexual environment of suspended adolescence that involves the deviation of binary gender norms, and of performative heterosexuality. Pugh refers to it later as a “queer utopia”. Men are portrayed as a lesser military force to women, and heterosexuality is a flimsy presence at best; all signs of procreation within Oz are stifled. While this could be chalked down to Baum not wanting to get into the subject of sex and exploration in a children’s series, it does contribute to a particular tone with real-life critiques of capitalism and a particular deconstruction of gender norms. Ozma, who will become the ruler of Oz after the Wizard and the Scarecrow respectively, for example, is originally a boy named Tip (the name itself holds phallic implications) who is “transformed” into a girl. The strongest military force is one of all-women led by a rebellious female general. Pugh observes, “At the same time that Baum satirizes...women as leaders…he consistently depicts women as more successful soldiers than men, and female troops appear better capable of serving militarily than male troops…[the] male army comprises of twenty-six officers and one private, and they are all cowards…” and cites the Frogman’s declaration that “Girls are the fiercest soldiers of all...they are more brave than men, and they have better nerves”.

RWBY itself isn’t opposed to this kind of subversion, either in its characters or its relationships. There’s an obvious effort to include LGBTQ+ representation (albeit primarily in the background), strong female characters are prevalent and make up most of the main and supporting cast, a character’s gender is not strictly reliant on its source material, and BlackSun, while cute and a valid ship in its own right, is treated as a heterosexual red herring to Bumbleby. Additionally, there have been a lot of hints by the voice actors, writers, and creators on social media that Qrow himself is queer, the infamous Ironqrow embrace included.

Admittedly, if I wanted to write an essay about the likelihood of Qrow being LGBTQ+ or having some kind of queer identity, I would probably focus more on his relationship with Clover, which had a lot more overt and probably canonically intentional Gay Vibes, and despite having known Qrow nowhere near as long as Ironwood has, it has just as much, if not more, to extrapolate. Unfortunately, that’s not the main point of this essay, although it remains relevant. While I personally don’t doubt that Qrow has had sex with women or experiences valid sexual attraction to them, I get the feeling that it is, to a degree, a performative act and a masculine assertation of enjoyment intended as a coping mechanism. It plays into the trope of the handsome, tortured alcoholic (best exemplified, perhaps, in the MCU’s Tony Stark, Dean Winchester in Supernatural, and critiqued in the superhero episode of Rick and Morty) who sleeps around just to recall the feeling of intimacy, or because he associates sexual ‘degradation’ as a reflection of his worth. Real self-deprecating, slightly misogynistic stuff. Qrow’s recall of short skirts, as well as his brief exchange with the waitress in an earlier volume, reminds me of one specific interaction between the Scarecrow and his own love interest. Within the series, the Qrow’s source-material counterpart, the Scarecrow, has one canonical love interest, the Patchwork Girl:

“Forgive me for staring so rudely,” said the Scarecrow, “but you are the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever beheld.”

“That is a high compliment from one who is himself so beautiful,” murmured Scraps, casting down her suspender-button eyes by lowering her head.

Pugh points out that the two of them never develop this relationship further than flirtation, and heterosexuality is reduced to a “spectral presence” lacking the “erotic energy [driving] these queer narratives in their presence”. Specifically, Qrow never reveals a serious or long running heterosexual love interest - he is not the father! [of Ruby] (despite much speculation that he and Summer Rose were involved) and he and Winter never really moved past the stage of ‘hostility with just a hint of sexual tension’ - and there is no debunking of potential queerness. His interactions with Clover (deserving of an entire essay on its own) seem to support this interpretation, and is more or less a confirmation of some kind of queer inclination or identity. Again, the “queer utopia” of Oz comes at the cost of the expulsion of the sexual or the mere mention of reproduction - still, through this device, same-sex relationships gain a new kind of significance with the diminishing nature of heterosexuality. Speaking of queer narratives, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man have the most tender and prolonged relationship of perhaps all the characters in the series, exchanging a lifelong commitment:

“I shall return with my friend the Tin Woodman,” said the stuffed one seriously. “We have decided never to be parted in the future.”

Within the source material, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow voluntarily live together, and are life partners in nearly every sense of the word. The second book in the Oz series is The Tin Woodman of Oz. In summary, the Tin Woodman recalls that he had a fiancée before the events of the first book, forgot all about her, and now must search her out so that they can get married. Who does he ask to accompany him in this pursuit? None other than his no-homo life partner, the Scarecrow. Although this sounds like a stereotypical heteronormative storyline, “this utopian wonderland...rejects heterosexual procreation...First, the Tin Woodman does not desire...Nimmie Amee...” and even acknowledges that due to the ‘nature’ of the heart that the Wizard had given him, he is literally incapable of romantically or passionately loving or desiring Nimmie, and by extent, women in general - to me, that works perfectly as an allegory for a gay man who is literally incapable of experiencing legitimate heterosexual urges, but ‘soldiers on’ out of obligation and societally enforced chivalry. “The Tin Woodman excuses himself from the heteronormative imperative...Only his sense of masculine honor, rather than a heteronomratively masculine sex drive, impels the Tin Woodman on his quest to marry his long-lost fiancée.” Again, Ironwood’s character follows the lines of propriety within the sphere of the wealthy elite, and his persona as a high-ranking military man and politician, as well as the conservative values instilled within Atlas, prioritize duty and obligation. This kind of culture is stifling and in a lot of ways aloof, as the upper class deludes itself into believing that it is objectively better and more advanced than its neighboring territories. *ahem the myth of American exceptionalism ahem*

“There lived in the Land of Oz two queerly made men who were best of friends. They were so much happier when together that they were seldom apart.”

I think it’s funny that the characters that Ironwood and Qrow are based off of are canonically the closest of friends, who coexist almost as a unit. In contrast, the first introduction we get of Ironwood and Qrow is a hostile exchange where they’re at each other’s throats, never on the same page, and never in sync, not when it matters. Indeed, Qrow snaps at Ironwood for his lack of communication, which is a recurring issue between the two of them on notable occasions. If the source material is anything to go by, there should be a significant relationship between the two of them, or at least some kind of connection, even if it goes unspoken or unacknowledged. To be fair, in RWBY’s canon, I think there is.

I’ve seen this joke that while Qrow hates the Atlas military, the only people he really seems to flirt with is Atlas military personnel. “Ice Queen” is something I interpreted to be partially hostile, partially mocking, and partially flirtatious, in equal spades - the voice actors and creators have indicated that it was flirtatious, and there was a whole Chibi episode dedicated to the concept of Qrow and Winter’s extrapolated sexual tension, albeit in jest. I might argue that his use of abbreviates aren’t reserved for people he dislikes, but for people who bring out his playful side. “Brat”, “Pipsqueak”, “Firecracker”, and “Kiddos” are all drawn from a place of affection, however short or mocking it may seem, because that’s what crows do: they mock others.

Qrow has little nicknames for people; while it’s not exclusively a sign of affection, I do get the feeling that ‘Jimmy’ is an informality that irks Ironwood, but can also be interpreted as Qrow giving James what he needs, rather than what he wants.

Glynda is by no means a pushover, but in assuring him that while he does questionable things, he’s still a good person, she’s softening the blow and probably further enabling deeply rooted and pre-existing traits, many of which contribute to his problematic control complex. It is established early on that Qrow resents the military (as he should), and it is implied that he’s spent a fair amount of encounters harassing and provoking military personnel (Winter being the most evident example of this), and has insulted the military numerous times to Ironwood’s face. He lectures Ironwood about the way he conducts his operations, his inability to communicate, and basically what a complete, inconsiderate asshole he really is.

What Ironwood needs is someone who operates outside of the pretense that he works, breathes, and lives under, and just tells it like it is. Jimmy isn’t all that - he’s a person, just like the rest of us, and he can flaunt all the titles that he wants, but James stripped down is still just Jimmy.

Qrow also is the kind of person who pries, who is insistent, and not particularly sensitive. For someone like Ironwood who has a lot of (physical and emotional) barriers, logically, in order for him to receive genuine understanding, Qrow fits the profile of someone who is invasive but not exploitive, who sees past the cracks in his armor and takes him for what he is. What is just important is that whoever Ironwood is with is someone who makes him want to try not only to be better, but to be real; thematically, General Ironwood seems to have a great respect for but a deep struggle with authenticity. He clearly resents the ignorance and frivolity of Atlas’s wealthy elite, as evidenced by his support for Weiss at the dinner party in announcing that “she’s one of the only people making any sense around here”, while struggling to project the facade that he’s carefully created.

See, we don’t have evidence that there is something going on between Ironqood and Qrow so much as we have enough evidence to inconclusively say that there’s not not something going on. I think there’s enough evidence to support the idea that something could be going on, or was going on.

When Qrow saves Ironwood at the Battle of Beacon, who is under the false impression that Qrow believes him to be the culprit of the attacks, his eyes follow Qrow and we get a closer shot of his awed expression; we the viewer can only imagine what he sees as Qrow arcs through the air and slices down a Grimm from behind his back. The focus on Ironwood’s expression portrays something like shock (so Qrow wasn’t trying to attack me after all, but then what the hell is he doing?), maybe wonder (I can’t take my eyes off of him, I can’t look away), maybe respect (I know he’s a good Hunter, but I’ve rarely seen him in action), but it is unfiltered nonetheless. In a show where fight scenes are vital to the progression of the story itself, the dynamics of these fights are at their best when they are character driven, whether it is revealing or reinforcing something about the characters and their relationships, or it is deciding their fates. There’s something to be said about characters being given moments together in battles, and what that says about the significance of their relationship. The best example of this might be the battle between Blake and Yang vs Adam; it served to give Adam what he deserved, help Blake and Yang reach closure in certain aspects of their own trauma, and solidify the bond between the girls. Similarly, Qrow and Ironwood’s moment is meant to reveal a theme that will later be revisited in volume 7; trust. Ironwood is startled but not shocked when he believes that Qrow distrusts him to the degree of attacking him, and is ready to attack or defend as needed.

Qrow tells him what he needs to hear, more or less: YOU’RE A DUMBASS. Ironwood is, indeed, a dumbass. While he does extend the olive branch of trust and good will to CRWBY and co. this trust is highly conditional and proves to be, while from a place of desperation and sincerity, at least partially performative.

When Ironwood snaps, he snaps hard.

Amber’s voice actress tweeted early on, joking that Qrow has two Atlas boyfriends, and Arryn has made comments, too. It’s one of the older ships, and the crew is certainly aware of it (“...extended chest bump...”).

Kerry has stated that he finds the Ironqrow relationship interesting, and wishes it had been explored more (additionally, allegedly lobbying that Ironwood’s arm in the Ironqrow hug scene be slightly lower). I’m not saying that they’re going to both make it out alive, or canon, or even that romantic subtext was intentionally woven into the script. All I’m saying is that I think their relationship is interesting too, especially when the subtext of their source material relationship is taken into context, and the way their characters are positioned is suggestive of some sort of compatibility, even if it is a hit or miss kind of opportunity, and I have the sinking suspicion that it was missed on both accounts.

The Tin Woodman of Oz concludes,

“All this having been happily arranged, the Tin Woodman returned to his tin castle, and his chosen comrade, the Scarecrow, accompanied him on the way. The two friends were sure to pass many pleasant hours together in talking over their recent adventures, for as they neither ate nor slept they found their greatest amusement in conversation.”

Ironwood’s Repressed Characterization and the Inherent Chivalry of the Dictatorship

“I don’t give a damn about Jacque Schnee...what about the other two? Do not return to this office until you have Qrow Branwen in custody.”

“And that’s not all we’ve lost...I had Qrow in my hands, and I didn’t do what needed to be done.”

Observe: Ironwood, at this point, does not care about politics. I doubt he’s ever wanted to, or ever liked it (if his tired outburst at the dinner party is any indication) but his Knightly qualities (we’ll get to that) have, up till this point, prompted him to adhere to them for both power and etiquette. James surrounds himself in a world that he understands and despises; more than anything, he’d like to be a general, a commander, and the Knight in Shining Armor archetype, because warfare is something he understands. It is a testament to his (superhuman) willpower that he forces himself to become fluent in the language of politics, and to live and breathe in it. To clarify, Ironwood sees himself as a man who does what needs to be done; if he wants to change and control Atlas, he will have to involve himself in its politics.

Likely, his resilience has contributed to the way he views himself and what he deserves, as someone long-suffering and almost martyr-like, a silent hero doing what needs to be done. But at the moment, he’s lost his goddamn mind coming undone. He’s murdered and jailed his political dissent (and might have considered executing prisoners), but at this point, that’s all that Jacque and Robyn are to him. First he dismisses Jacque, narrows it down to the two escaped prisoners, and finally reveals what’s really on the forefront of his mind: Qrow, free and out of his hands.

[ When recalling this dialogue, please do so while imagining a bad recorder cover of the Titanic music playing over the background. Here is a sample. ]

In the most recent episode, Ironwood seems to have gone off the rails even further. The fact that Winter, his most faithful lieutenant, is losing her unshakable faith in him, says a lot about how hard he’s fallen off the deep end. In Winter’s mind, I think that she sees him almost as a surrogate father figure, or at least a patriarch who can be positively compared to Jacques in every way. The previous volumes go to lengths to compare the two as adversaries and showing James in a favorable light; Winter is in her own personal horror right now, because she is beginning to understand that Ironwood is a man who may not be her father but is just as susceptible to corruption, and may have been that kind of person all along. Skipping over the...ah, genocidal tendencies, and the fact that he’s proposing to kidnap Penny’s friends to force her to obey him and likely is starting to realize that Winter is the perfect bait (let’s just say that “Ironwood is not good with kids” is the understatement of the year) Ironwood wants Qrow back (in captivity), I think that it’s significant that while Ironwood registers that Robyn is gone as well, his first priority is Qrow, probably for two reasons. On one hand, he still refers to Qrow by his first name, instead of the formal Branwen. Of course, that doesn’t have to mean anything at all. They’re colleagues within the same age range, both members of the same secret brotherhood and similiar skill sets.

On the other hand, it reminds me of the moment when Qrow and the kids first fly into Atlas, and they see the heightened security, and Qrow mutters, “James...what have you been doing,” under his breath, sounding concerned, apprehensive. He’s not addressing the kids, he’s talking to himself; he regards James much more seriously both as a potential threat and a friend than he’d rather the other know, and I think that James’ focus on Qrow at this point is similiar, only not only is this a sign of them knowing each other well, but of Ironwood’s slipping control. He offered Qrow his trust and camaraderie, his last attempt to keep a handle on his humanity (or, his heart). Qrow, in return, withheld vital information, got close with another operative instead, then allegedly killed him and and escaped ‘rightful’ imprisonment.

The Tin Man is offering Qrow his heart, at least proof of it, and the Scarecrow [and co.] steps back to observe the situation, and assesses that no, what you are going to do is wrong, and I cannot agree with it.

Ironwood is not an objective person, as much as he wants to be. He’s angry, desperate, scared, and humiliated. Worst of all, he’s rebuffed, and he’s taking Qrow’s escape personally. First, he understands that Qrow is a threat. He’s Ozpin’s best agent, he has years of field experience, and he knows too much, probably more than James knows. Second, they have history.

My personal interpretation of Ironwood is something this:

He’s a sad, sad, lonely bitch. What Ironwood longs for, just like his source material counterpart, is a heart. He will go to any lengths to achieve this, because he believes that he has self awareness and therefore is able to check and balance himself. He treats his subordinates well, is diplomatic, skilled in a variety of trades, fighting the good fight, and longs for the affirmation that yes, he is a good person, and yes, he’s had a heart all along. He just strays from the path, and loses his way.

This is symbolically represented by his partially mechanic exoskeleton; we have no idea how far the cyborg extremities extend, or how deep, but we do get the visual notion of humanity in conflict, or a man’s soul deconstructed and split between the cold efficiency of machinery and the very real warmth of a human body. Ironwood wants to appear human, and benevolent, and genuine, and in return, loved; he is human, and he could be all of these things. If my reliance on the source material holds any merit (although I highly doubt it), then there is also a potential struggle with sexuality, (Glynda herself even explicitly and exasperatedly references a testosterone battle between Ironwood and Qrow, suggesting a regular overassertation of masculinity) and a further incentive to achieve love and subsequent acceptance.

To clarify, I do believe that there were less-than-subtle allusions to Ironwood and Glynda having a vaguely flirtatious history, taking their shared scenes and background dancing into account, but this, again, does not “debunk” the presence of queerness within a narrative; it could be an assumption of heterosexuality, or performative itself, or just not an exclusive interest. Besides, Ironwitch isn’t what this essay is about. I’m not trying to persuade or dissuade someone of the notion that Jimmy is gay, or straight, or something else, only that the potential ambiguity exists. What I do think is most important is that James doesn’t openly ward people away, not when those people aren’t under his command and are technically outside of his jurisdiction. He’s friendly with Glynda, tries to extend trust to Qrow, is kind to people in the aftermath of battle, and overall clings to diplomacy as his first weapon. He wants to be accepted, to be liked, and to be welcomed. This is not an outrageous want, nor is it uncommon. Unfortunately, Ironwood’s understanding of love and acceptance is entangled within the concept of control, and he associates unquestioned compliance with this Want.

Ironwood’s introduction into the series shows him being openly cordial, and very considerate, especially his interactions with Glynda and Ozpin. He’s a gentleman, he’s apologetic, and, as Glynda assures him, he’s a “good man”. She doesn’t really elaborate on what a “good man” is, exactly, but we might presume that a “good man” is a person with good intentions, who strives to do what’s right, regardless of his options.

Here’s the thing - one similarity between Ironwood and the Tin Man is that they both have the capacity to love, but they fool themselves into thinking that they don’t; before the Wizard gives him a ‘heart’, the Tin Man suggests that he is only kind and considerate to everyone in Oz because he believes he needs to overcompensate for what he lacks, and is therefore doubly aware of how he treats others. However, the Wizard knows no real magic, only tricks and illusions, and what he gives the Tin Man is essentially a placebo that enables the Tin Man to act towards and feel about others the exact same as he always had, only with the validation that what he feels is authentic. Similarly, Ironwood has always had the option to be empathetic and not fucking crazy open to collaboration, which he’s very aware of, until his own paranoia cuts into his rationality and compels him to cut himself off from all allies and alternative perspectives. He then uses his difficult position and responsibilities to justify unjustifiable actions, to rationalize irrational urges, and to gaslight and brainwash his subordinates into compliance.

The Tin Woodman knew very well he had no heart, and therefore he took great care never to be cruel or unkind to anything.

“You people with hearts,” he said, “have something to guide you, and need never do wrong; but I have no heart, and so I must be very careful. When Oz gives me a heart of course I needn’t mind so much.”

Qrow sees through this, however, and not only seems incapable of following orders himself, but disrupts the decorum that Ironwood is used to. In return, I think we see a little more of James that he’d like to reveal.

“If you were one of my men, I’d have you shot!”

“If I was one of your men, I’d shoot myself!”

In case this entire ass essay doesn’t make it obvious, I do really ship Ironqrow. I’m open to other pairings, definitely, but this one in particular is just more interesting to me. It feels more revealing, more subtle. I have more questions.

In hindsight, maybe the dialogue example above ^ didn’t age well, considering where they’re at, but I do like how their professional animosity is flavored with a kind of camaraderie, and understanding. This exchange isn’t exactly playful, but they’re taking each other seriously - and, like repressed schoolboys, taking the piss at each other in a childish way, and isn’t that part of the fun of banter, when they’re so focused on each other that they forget to act their age? In a lot of ways, this is a really fun dynamic to watch. They’re opposite-kind-of-people, which I like, at least on a superficial level, and I can easily imagine them tempering each other in ways that would make them ultimately happier people.

They even look well-coordinated, with similar color schemes that lean on the opposite sides of the shared spectrum (white, grays, reds and black); I think the decorative design on Qrow’s new sleeves are supposed to be more ornate simply to communicate that Qrow is committed, and willing to be sentimental, but some viewers have suggested that it resembles the pattern on James’ weapon, Due Process (the revolver is based off of the Tin Man’s pistol, although, curiously, in The Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow was the only character to carry a pistol, and the commentaries suggest that the 2007 Tin Man miniseries was the “basis of the allusion”. Does that mean anything? I don’t know. Probably not.). Still, it raises the questions: who was in charge of designing the team’s new clothes and gear? How much input did Atlas get, and was this intentional? Personally, I think that the vine-like pattern on Qrow’s sleeves also bear a resemblance to Ozpin’s staff, a subtle reaffirmation and foreshadowing of his allegiance in contrast to Ironwood, but I digress.

They can also deliver that UST kind of banter that takes up their attention, and get up really close to each other, in each other’s faces, and just be pissed, which I think is very sexy of them, mhm. Enemies to Colleagues to Reluctant Friends to Lovers is a trope that I very much appreciate. Gaining some sort of common ground at the Battle of Beacon only to reunite, tired and battered, after the shit has already hit the fan? Slow burn kinda vibes.

That hug between them was something genuinely vulnerable and a sign of Ironwood letting his guard down because he is tired as fuck. It also was uh...kinda fruity.

Ironwood approaches closer, and Qrow scratches the back of his head, a characteristically nervous gesture that he’s made before; it’s a nervous twitch, manufactured nonchalance. He has no idea what Ironwood wants, but he does know that Ironwood wants something. James is the one to initiate the hug, and Qrow startles and even freezes up before relaxing into it. He seems suprised, but gives the bisexual eye roll of grudging fondness. This is out of character for James - Jimmy - but Qrow doesn’t think that Ironwood is a bad person. He leans into the hug, and the camera cuts out before they separate, suggesting that they probably end up standing there for a long ass time. You can also see from the side shots that it’s a close hug; their torsos are pressed up against each other, front to front, and there’s not a lot of wiggle room. James must be really goddamn depressed. It’s a long, manly, intensley heterosexual hug. Like I said, kinda fruity.

Other people have analyzed the hug shot for shot, so I won’t get too into it, but I think that it was intentionally left as a double red herring; some people thought that maybe he bugged Qrow, and after finding out that he didn’t, we were forced to conclude that this is a genuine olive branch. To find out that Ironwood is sincere but was still susceptible to corruption is that second subversion that I didn’t really expect. I hadn’t prepared myself for it, at least, and neither did Qrow. I wouldn’t go as far to say that Ironwood’s descent into fucking craziness paranoia is triggered by Qrow not ‘reciprocating’ or something, but I do think it’s interesting how the volume opens up with a signifigant interaction between Ironwood and Qrow, only for Qrow to spend the rest of the volume homosexually bonding with Clover, while Ironwood basically has no one as emotional support (again, his subordinates do not have the power or the place to be viewed as equals and the veil of formality is one of isolation). Qrow initiates nothing further, and nothing further happens.

Ironwood’s downfall, in a thematic sense, is that what he Needs is a heart, and when he gets that chance to demonstrate tolerance and empathy, James ultimately rejects his Need (a heart) and his arc reverts into one of villainy. To be specific, Ironwood is essentially a fascist dick, and that is not very sexy. (Speaking of dicks, the thought of Ironwood’s dick makes me laugh. I bet in the RWBY universe, people have made memes about that. I do not accept criticism because I am correct. Anyway,).

Dictators are charming, charismatic, and one of the pillars of their method is absorbing potential political opponents into their own administration to reduce the threat of rebellion, to appear openly tolerant to their supporters, and to further consolidate power. A good example of this would be Mean Girls, which runs on a comedic commentary of dictatorships as a political structure of power. I hate to compare James Ironwood to Regina George, but Regina’s posse includes Karen and Gretchen, two of the only girls who might take away from the authority she holds over the rest of their school, both in their wealth and attractiveness, and Cady’s interesting backstory and conventional attractiveness is the main reason Regina draws her into her own sphere - because she detects a potential threat. Much in the same way, while Ironwood likely has good intentions, his efforts to win over team RWBY and co. - including Qrow himself - is a logical way to consolidate resources. His willingness, at first, to cooperate with political opponents (ie Robyn) is because he’s not inherently evil, and he has nothing to lose. It’s when he is openly opposed and diplomatic gestures no longer hold the necessary weight that he snaps.

In one really interesting meta about Ironqrow’s archetypes (that I reread occasionally just because I really love it), @onewomancitadel posits that Ironwood is framed within the archetype of the Knight in Shining Armor, which should inform us of the moral consistency of his character. The meta was written around the beginning of volume 7, I think, and obviously we have a lot more character development and information to go off of now, but I think she makes a really interesting point about the nature of parallels and how that might help drive Ironwood as a character. I love her analysis of the visual of Ironwood stepping out of an airship wreckage, onto the street, the smoke billowing around him to reveal his cyborg prosthetics, and of the intentional framing. Once his uniform is stripped back, we see a man who is literally half-armor, which could be indicative of a lot of things. He’s emotionally guarded, he’s used as a human weapon, and he wants to be a line of defense. In her words, “The symbolism is really obviously put into perspective of his actions in trying to do the right thing: in the flesh (his true physical self) he is literally a knight in shining armour. From the ground up. Even if it's unseen or distorted by his uniform, his nature is still true.”

While Ironwood clearly has gone down a darker path in the most recent volume, I think this analysis holds true in a crucial way. “Ironwood is working with different information, and he’s doing exactly what he knows: stick to his knightly virtues, even disgraced.” Disgraced, indeed. Ironwood is holding onto his knightly values, and doing what he believes is right. If not right, he believes that it is necessary. The problem is that these values are manifested within Atlas’s sociopolitical-military culture in an inherently toxic way - his response is, at this point, neither rational nor empathetic, but it can be explained partially due to his cultural (flawed) understanding of justice, and because of the extenuating circumstances. The harsher the conditions become, the more difficult it is for anyone to project a facade that is not sincere at its core. If James is to uphold his Knightly virtues, he needs to be a protector, a leader, and a servant all at once while operating under limited intel with dwindling trust. All he has left are the few key players still in his grasp, and the control of the people he is responsible for.

To digress: generally, knights take an oath. It could be to a King, or Lord, or some noble, but Knights are supposed to operate on a code of honor, and chivalry, and to uphold these values throughout the land as an extension of whoever they have pledged themselves to. The story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is a really good example of the way that, back in the day, chivalry and honor was supposed to place knights on a moral high ground compared to the common people.

In the middle of a celebration in Camelot, an obligatory tradition that has since lost real value but is rehearsed because Camelot fears that failure to uphold traditions that once had meaning is disrespectful, a Green Knight interrupts the celebrations and offers a strange challenge that boils down to a fight to the death. Gawain volunteers because accepting this challenge is what is expected of him, and Arthur would be humiliated if his knights, supposedly the best in the world, would not rise to the challenge. Gawain - and to a certain extent, the rest of Arthur’s knights - are fickle, in a sense, because their adherence to this code is performative, and it allows them to delude themselves into moral superiority and lie both to the commoners and amongst themselves; their identity as knights is based on a falsehood. Gawain is offered the first blow, and after beheading the Green newcomer, is horrified to see him become reanimated and immune to mortal blows. He invites Gawain to receive his own - likely fatal - blow, and gives him a time in which to meet, before promptly leaving.

Throughout the story, Gawain is tested in a variety of ways - in his final test, he fails, and allows his greed for self preservation and the fear of death to lead him to lie to his hosts and proceed to his meeting with the Green Knight under dishonest pretenses. While he is spared at the last second and becomes a better person (after it is revealed that Morgan le Fay orchestrated the ordeal to spook Queen Guinevere) - and by extent, a truer Knight, by the end of the story, the superficial and hypocritical nature of Arthur’s court is still in question, and still unanswered.

See, the entirety of Gawain’s trials was a test, not necessarily for him, but for Arthur and his court as a whole. Morgan wanted to prove the fickle nature of Arthur’s knights. The Knights of the Round Table were considered the best in the land, and to discredit one was to discredit all. What use is tradition if the meaning is empty, what use is chivalry if it is performed for reward instead of merit, and what use is loyalty if it is blind and unearned? Returning to Oz, the Tin Woodman, or Tin Man, grew to be made of tin because his axe became enchanted by the Wicked Witch of the East to sever his own body parts instead of the lumber he tried to cut down. A nearby tinsmith replaced each amputated limb with one of metal, until his entire body became tin and his meat body had been entirely discarded. Something to note is that Nick Chopper’s, (General Ironwood’s) wounds are technically self-inflicted. Each time he swung his axe, he made the decision to continue, knowing of the end result each time. In losing his bodily functions, the Tin Man believed that he had lost his humanity and ability to love.

The tragedy of his origin story draws a pointed correlation to Ironwood’s current dilemma; his unwillingness to stop, his self-imposed isolation, playing into the hands of the witch, and finally, the decision to let go of his ability to love remain consistent throughout both stories.

Watts even refers to Ironwood as a “Tin Solider”; a reference to the Tin (Woods)Man, no doubt, but could also evoke a soldier clanking around in metal armor. Ironwood is a Knight in Shining Armor, through and through. He wants to save the world, but at the terrible cost of civilian autonomy and possibly life. The problem is that he’s pledged himself to a discriminatory and hypocritical system, and his code is something that can easily be misconstrued by fear ( @disregardcanon ), much as Gawain’s own values. The Tin Man is, after all, still a man, and if we’ve learned anything from real fairytales, it is that men are fallible, whether or not they are made of metal.

Ironwood, Alone

he’s a lonely bitch

I know I f- up, I'm just a loser

Shouldn't be with ya, guess I'm a quitter

While you're out there drinkin', I'm just here thinkin'

'Bout where I should've been

I've been lonely, mm, ah, yeah

— Benee, Supalonely (2019)

You do get the sense that Ironwood is riddled with self-loathing conflicting with pride, with self-doubt clashing with competence, and that he is the kind of person who longs for things without verbalizing. Maybe his dad never paid enough attention to him as a kid. Maybe he suffered some terrible physical and emotional trauma, which might as well be assumed, given the extensive nature of his cybernetic limbs. Maybe (probably) he’d be more well-adjusted and would’ve made better decisions if the people around him trusted him and were a little more open. To be fair, though, he is the one at the wheel, and he is making the calls; no one else is to blame for his mistakes, and to pretend otherwise is to deny him accountability. I think we do enough of that in everyday life, in excusing powerful men of their responsibilities. To his credit, I do think he wants to help people. I think James also wants to project the personality of a leader who is stoic, controlled, and measured. He is charming when he wants to be, sympathetic when it suits him, and influential in just the right areas. He is not a sociopath, but he is a politician, and in a lot of ways, those are the same thing. We see in his brief flashes of temper, often prompted by Qrow, or most notably by Oscar, that this is not a calm, stable person. This is someone is on the verge of exploding, who is so fucking angry that he is not in control that it’s killing him, and so he is going to lash out and kill the things that are not within his grip. If the people beneath him will not reciprocate the heart that he offers, then he has no real use of it. James Ironwood does not begin this story as a bad person. This is a tragedy, in however many parts it takes.

I read, in one very smart and very put-together analysis that I cannot find and properly credit at the moment, that part of Ironwood’s (many) failures can be seen in Winter, and how, like Ozpin, he has appointed a woman as his talented, no-nonsense, second chain in command at his right hand. In this way, Winter is an intentional parallel to Glynda, who is, without question, a bad bitch. In theory, surrounding yourself with strong individuals is a demonstration of self restraint, in implementing your own checks and balances. James wants to project that he is powerful, yes, but he is reasonable.

I take this to mean that, to some degree, even if it’s unintentional or subconscious, Winter serves to boost Ironwood’s ego.

The issue with this is that within the inherently hierarchical structure of the military, Winter cannot question, undermine, or challenge Ironwood in a way that is particularly meaningful and their relationship is one of commander and subordinate before colleagues or equals (link to a fantastic post about Winter’s role as the Good, Conscientious Soldier by @fishyfod). Whereas Glynda is free to argue with, converse, and be as combative as she needs to be with Ozpin (although their power dynamic is arguably one of commander and subordinate albeit informally), Winter cannot temper Ironwood effectively, and through the illusion of equality, Ironwood is further isolated.

His head and arms and legs were jointed upon his body, but he stood perfectly motionless, as if he could not stir at all.

Dorothy looked at him in amazement, and so did the Scarecrow, while Toto barked sharply and made a snap at the tin legs, which hurt his teeth.

“Did you groan?” asked Dorothy.

“Yes,” answered the tin man, “I did. I’ve been groaning for more than a year, and no one has ever heard me before or come to help me.”

The Tin Man needs oil to lubricate his joints; without it, he cannot move, and he is rendered helpless and inanimate. When Dorothy and the group find him, he is entirely isolated with no one in sight, and he has been there for such a long time that he has begun to rust. Similarly, Ironwood needs valued voices of dissent to keep him in check. His colleagues were able to serve that purpose in the beginning, and out of them, Qrow is the best example of someone who doesn't take his shit, openly questions him, and looks down on the performative decorum of the military culture that Ironwood is surrounded by. What Ironwood needs is to be flexible and adaptable; his Semblance, Mettle (heh, metal, very nice pun, RoosterTeeth), is a double edged sword in that it gives him supernatural focus and willpower - enough, perhaps, to flay/chop off your own limbs - but it blindsides him, and is only further prolonging his pain.

There is a lot of sympathy to Ironwood’s character, as much as I’ve ragged on him for being an authoritarian, kind of a dick, and bad with kids. There are moments, such as the previously mentioned dinner party, where he shows his colors a bit, and when he assures the students at the Vytal Festival that there’s no shame in leaving before the battle begins, and in giving Yang a prosthetic arm before her father even has to ask. As far as Generals go, it seems that he’s seen soldiers come and go and understands, at least in his best moments, that not everyone is the same, and not everyone has power of unflinching determination to rely on. Ironwood performs his best when he tempers himself because he understands himself, and others. It’s when he fails to self-reflect that his hypocrisy shows through. Glynda points it out, too, as does Qrow; Ironwood advocates for trust but often fails to give it himself, going behind Ozpin’s back, being absolutely shit at field communication, and now the whole fascist, borderline-genocidal keruffle he’s gotten himself into.

I think that Ironwood reaching out to Qrow was his ethical last stand, his last chance and conscious effort to choose the right path. Qrow is unequivocally an equal, not like how Ozpin is the Big Boss, the authority that James becomes disillusioned with and tries to overthrow. He wants someone to trust, desperately so, and Qrow wants that too, but narrative subversion has hands. The Scarecrow and the Tin Man have no brain and heart respectively, and are in need of them. As it turns out, Qrow is actually a pragmatic guy with solid principles angled against authoritarianism, and Ironwood is a dick who would rather enforce martial law than to empathize and tame his military-shaped boner for one second.

I might conclude that someone like Qrow might be best for Ironwood, but that does not mean that someone like Ironwood would be the best for Qrow. Qrow has a brain after all, but Ironwood does not choose his heart when it matters, case in point. Even the intro of the current season features Salem and Ironwood on a chessboard; his white pieces are disappearing, dissolving into dust, as hers transform into Grimm. Ironwood is isolating himself by depleting himself of allies. As this post by @hadesisqueer points out, Ironwood isn’t even positioned as King, the supposed commander, but the Queen, the most versatile player on the board that is so far underused, since he hasn’t moved from his spot. Ironwood’s refusal to unify against Salem is his failure to strategically utilize the best resources that were available to him; soon, the pieces will be swallowed by the dark.

James is guilty of something that a lot of us are guilty of: doing a Bad Thing for what we have convinced ourselves is a Good Reason, when in reality, it is actually a lot of Very Bad Reasons. James Ironwood is a Knight archetype, through and through, and he is charging forward to do the right thing. He is afraid, he is lying to himself, and he will never surrender.

“All the same,” said the Scarecrow, “I shall ask for brains instead of a heart; for a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one.”

“I shall take the heart,” returned the Tin Woodman; “for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.”

Dorothy did not say anything, for she was puzzled to know which of her two friends was right, and she decided if she could only get back to Kansas and Aunt Em, it did not matter so much whether the Woodman had no brains and the Scarecrow no heart, or each got what he wanted.

The lesson of James Ironwood is a lesson of failure, and of the way that we succumb to fear, because that is Salem’s agenda, really, in the end: fear. It’s the negative emotions, fear being first and foremost, that draw in and empower the Grimm, and it’s fear and uncertainty that causes chaos. It is when Dorothy’s friends give into their fear that they are truly defeated. FDR’s assertion that “The only thing to fear is fear itself” holds true here; it’s not so much that these characters are afraid of losing their lives, their loved ones, and of the dark, but that they do not have the love or the resources to be brave for themselves or for others.

Qrow as a character is introduced as one who is already defeated, in a sense. Half of his team is gone, dead or estranged, he’s forced into the shadows of espionage to protect a world he knows is darker than it should be, and he’s fighting a losing battle with alcoholism. As charismatic as he’s written, he’s referred to as a “dusty old crow”, a hunter of renowned skill but past the prime of his life.

Dorothy’s three titular companions are defined by what they lack; in the same vein of the Disney I Want song (a main character’s main monologue song in which their wants and desires that motivate them throughout the rest of the film is laid out in song; ie Part of Your World, Reflections, How Far I’ll Go), the Lion, Tin Man, and the Scarecrow want bravery, a heart, and a brain respectively. RWBY relies on flipping the script of its characters based on what the audience might expect from the source material; Ruby is not just a helpless little girl - her introduction is a badass with a scythe. The Scarecrow is a chronic alchoholic. Cinderella is a victim of abuse, and is also a villain who wants to set the world aflame. Subversion, subversion, subversion.

There are obviously parallels between the characters in RWBY and in their own fairytales to keep them in character, and part of the fun is spotting those clues and occasionally connecting the dots to anticipate the direction of the narrative and certain connections between characters and the significance of their arcs. While I’m not aware of Dorothy Gale’s RWBY counterpart, if she has already been established or is yet to be introduced, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that Ruby has adopted a Dorothy-eque persona and can act as a surrogate in a way. She begins as a sweet, naive child eager to join a world of color and excitement, who initially believes that she has “normal knees” and is thrust into a political scheme full of powerful and older players. She even has a small dog as a companion, Toto Zwei, who seems like an odd addition, since he’s usually sidelined and basically forgotten about except in a few spare moments, unless he’s there to draw further comparisons to Dorothy. She may not be from Kansas, but she is first helped by Glynda (the Good Witch), and later expects assistance from Ozpin, Qrow, and the later Ozian counterparts. I find it a peculiar detail that for Ruby to be Little Red Riding Hood alone, she is surrounded specifically by Dorothy’s companions. This, of course, only increases the importance of the relevance of the Oz series in particular and the characters that are borrowed.

In the case of Ozpin’s inner circle, Dorothy’s closest comrades (sans Toto) differ in crucial ways to their source material. (After finishing this essay, I found a much better, condensed explanation by @neopoliitan )

Disillusioned by the Ozpin, the Wizard (who has been projecting an illusion of a failsafe) and overwhelmed by the rise of the Wicked Witch of the West, Lionhart (the Lion), gives into his cowardice and ultimately forgoes the arc and redemption of his character from the source material; as such, he is by all definitions, a failure and a premonition, as Ironwood eventually follows. If RWBY is a dark take on classic fairytales, then it is only fitting that these characters are charred husks of their fairytale selves - these are people, and some people are selfish, scared, and cowardly, and they do not overcome these traits.

This is all opinion based, pure speculation. I have no idea what will happen in the next episode, and whatever goes down will be...shit will hit the fan. I’m under no delusions that Ironqrow is going to be canon in a healthy, tender, endgame sense. They’re both kind of losing their minds, and Ironwood is shitting absolute bricks. No, they’re going to try to kill each other, and I personally cannot wait for Qrow to cleave this man in two. (Not sexually, just, literally. Like, with a scythe.)

On that note, I think that the RWBY writers are good at callbacks, at drawing attention to their own connections, and if Ironwood and Qrow’s inevitable confrontation is scheduled, then it will include visual callbacks to Qrow saving James at Beacon, maybe shot for shot. Their visuals have only gotten better as time goes on, and I imagine Ironwood’s eyes widening as Qrow leaps through the air, scythe drawn, in recal of a moment so long ago when they weren’t on the same page, but they were at least on the same side. When Qrow brings the blade down, there will be no enemy behind him. Only Jimmy James. The difference between the two of them will be that Qrow isn’t fighting out of fear, but out of love, for what happened to Clover, and to what could happen to his girls.

Qrow’s reliance on alcohol, as well as his (mostly) feigned nonchalance is meant to fit with the motif that the Scarecrow has no brain, and, had he a mind to desire anything, would desire it most of all. His role is, also, notably, gathering intelligence for Ozpin (his character is also based on Munnin from Norse mythology). There is so much about Qrow that is an act and so much that is not, and I think that this act is born both from this motif and from his own cynicism, and the alcohol contributes to this act. However, he eventually gets sober after Ruby expresses legitimate frustration, and he understands that he’s putting their lives at risk. While one could say that he gave up drinking for the kids, I would argue that the kids - Ruby in particular - made him want to give up drinking for himself, to better himself.

While Lionhart and Ironwood betray the people depending on them, Qrow’s love for his nieces (and for the kids) allows him to deviate from this pattern. The answer to fear is perhaps not merely bravery - Qrow’s triumph is love.

Ironwood knows triumph in the context of a military state, but he’s backed himself into a corner. Soon he will find himself alone and friendless. Hopefully, his last stand will not be in vain.

[thenonbinarydetective]

Hi! I saw your post about your favorite ridiculous moments in the Hardy Boys books and you mentioned how one of them was how they describe Ned Nickerson and I'd absolutely love to know more about how they describe Ned/your opinion/reaction of that if you don't mind?

Ok I realized Ned is only in three of the books I have, so if you want a part 2...give me money you're gonna have to wait until I can. It was pretty much a joke, but also entirely serious.

I don't have the Captain America reference that I specifically made a joke about, but I know that it's on Tumblr.

Overall, sometimes in the way that Ned is described is supposed to be like a jealous thing (When it's the Hardy Boys narrating), but it's really easy to not see it that way. Like they do like Ned and they are friends with him. Just wanna preface that because these can be read as either platonic or romantic. But also I'm slightly giving it the same treatment they give Nancy and the Hardy Boys, cause why should it be different? You know?

Also that personally I believe all of them are bi (I'm not projecting). Ignoring the sexist versions of the Hardy Boys (primarily Joe), they're way too good to be straight men. Also Ned specifically does not have that many Straight Man Traits™ and that he's entirely willing to be a damsel-in-distress. Ned's technically gender-nonconformative role is not really an important part of this conversation, but I think it should be talked about more.

Anyway I'm rambling. Here's what I'm calling evidence.

Shock Waves

First thing is actually sort of on Ned's side. Joe has a melted set of Iola's keys (remember in this spin-off she was fridged via terrorist bombing) that goes missing. Ned immediately starts looking for them when he sees how upset Joe is about losing them.

The (flirty) banter. It's written the same way banter between Nancy and Frank, Nancy and Ned, or even Nancy or Joe is written. Minus blushing. And the only reason I'm calling this significant because they write banter that's 100% meant to be platonic with a different tone (and adjectives). The Cousins interaction with the Brothers and the Alliteratives have a noticeably different tone (sometimes).

In Chapter Five, Joe found a gold coin and assumes treasure. Nancy and Frank doubt it. Joe tries to defend himself. Ned seemingly comes to his defense. "'I'm not so sure,' Ned piped up. Joe smiled "I knew somebody would have to be on my side'" Ned's response is kinda long but he jokes that Long John Silver was returning the coin to Davy Jones. Joe does not appreciate the joke, but jokingly warns them that if they aren't nice, they won't get a cut.

In Chapter Eight, Frank wants to drive the Oldsmobile. "'Good luck starting it,' Ned said. Frank smiled confidently. 'You just don't have the knack, Nickerson.'"

I should note, the last name thing is usually used in Files (sometimes Mystery Stories too) when couples are flirting with each other. I think like there's a few instances in sport settings where it's probably platonic. Here, questionable. There isn't much use of Marvin or Fayne. Drew and Nickerson on the other hand...

In Chapter Eleven, this may not be the best example. Frank gives Ned a "Thanks a lot buddy" when he and Nancy got separated from the group.

I only mention it because Ned returns the buddy later on when Frank "saves" them all from an explosion. "'We owe our lives to you, buddy,' he said with an admiring grin." If we're really deeply examining the words to find the slightest bit of homoerotic intent in an excessively heteronormative book, Ned's admiring grins don't go to many people other than Nancy. I would know.

While investigating a sunken ship, they all end up apart from each other. There's an explosion in the area where Ned is. The Hardy Boys (specifically Frank) forced Nancy to stay in the water in hopes that Ned wasn't caught in the blast. Nancy assumes Ned is dead, it's three explosions. Probably wouldn't survive if he was there. The Hardy Boys immediately search for Ned, once it's safe, in the hope that he was alive. He was obviously.

Throughout the entire book, I don't even think it's an exaggeration to say that the Hardy Boys spent more time with Ned than they did Nancy. Like a lot of the time they (intentionally) split up, Ned is always with them. Even without Nancy once or twice.

Which I find funny, because it feels like Frank is trying to get Ned's attention and not hers. Nancy's like I hope I don't make jealous because of the tension between me and Frank" and Frank is putting himself with Ned and like any opportunity. That may not be limited to this book, which is why it's last.

Dangerous Games

There really isn't much interaction between them in the book until the end

The Hardy Boys, primarily Joe, direct all the praise for saving the girls to Ned even though they all technically saved them because he was the one who discovered they were in trouble.

Seriously Joe does not waste the opportunity to praise Ned for his quick action. First there was, "If it hadn't been for Ned..." Followed by a "Good thing Ned was around" when Frank and Joe find out how the girls where locked in a burning building.

Again simple, but effective. People have claimed more with less, if we're being fair.

This last one is sort of on Ned's side, and I don't know why but the way he sort of like hypes on Frank a little bit when he and Nancy are talking about her mistaking him for Frank when he saves her from the fire. It just hits different.

"Frank Hardy's a detective. I'm not. Naturally, you thought he was the one who'd rescue you...You and Frank work so well together-it's like you're practically one person. He's a part of your detective life that sometimes take you away from me. I think maybe I resent that a little"

I know that looks like a pretty Francy heavy bit (and it is), but the second part of that speech makes me think a bit deeper. "Look, I can't change the way I feel any more than you can stop being a detective. Without that, you wouldn't be the Nancy Drew I know and love." Like that's a sweet sentiment and all, but English Major here I'm reading further into it. The way he compares Nancy and Frank as being so similar they are practically the same person, and then going on to say the qualities they share are one of the reasons he's attracted to and loves Nancy.

All I'm saying, is that if he finds detectives hot, what's stopping him from finding Frank attractive...Right? lmao

The Last Resort

Again there's not much interaction with the three of them because Ned only appear in the final chapters.

On the cover Frank is wearing an ugly snowsuit with yellow, pink, and blue on it. I normally wouldn't think twice about it, but considering it's so ugly it entirely matches the vibes of your bi (in this case pan) friend buying the ugliest oversized Hawaiian shirt and the thrift store and calling it the cutest thing they've ever brought.

I should mention that Nancy is also wearing a snowsuit featuring blue, pink, and yellow. However, her suit is not that ugly and therefore less noteworthy.

I'm not even sure if I'm counting that as a point or if I just wanted an excuse to talk about the ugly snowsuit and how I honestly want it for myself.

When Ned finally does arrive, after a little bit of an awkward exchange, The first thing Frank says after explaining that why he and Joe were there is, "Your being here is a real boost, Ned...This one has us all stumped" This could be seen as like a thing just to break the awkward tension, but I like to think there is some truth in that Frank does appreciate Ned's intelligence and his input on mysteries.

And if he didn't before, he would after this case because Ned kinda solves the entire mystery- or at least the important part they were missing.

The entire exchange of when Nancy suggests bluffing the villain, there's just something I love about it. May I suggest polyamory?

Ned: Nancy, bluffing can be dangerous. What happens if he doesn't fall for it?

Frank (grinning): But Ned, Nancy's a very convincing person.

Ned: I don't want her to get into trouble, that's all.

Frank: Me neither, but I think [REDACTED] will fall for a bluff. He's ready. Look at him, he's wound up like a coil

Nancy (touching Ned's arm): Ned, I don't see any other way. Do you?

I just like the two of them (mostly Frank) convincing Ned to go through with a dangerous plan. Also the way Frank is talking about Nancy to Ned, it's just like a vibe you know?

Moving on, I love any moment the three of boys work together to do something. Like combining their strengths to bust down a locked door and chase a bad guy in perfect unison with no prior planning. That doesn't have to be gay either, I just love them working together.

After a snowmobile crash, Frank does make it a priority to see if Ned's okay. Over a bad guy who was the only other person involved, but priority nonetheless.

Technically he tells Nancy to do it, while he sees if the bad guy is alive. But hear me out, Nancy (Ned's girlfriend) struggles to choose between seeing if Ned is okay or getting the bad guy. Frank (who is meant to be a love rival) thinks about Ned's well-being more decisively than Ned's girlfriend.

Que the "Nancy's a bad girlfriend" joke, I never really expected the punchline to be "Frank is a better boyfriend to Ned". I like it though.

This one is sort of a joke (as if all of this wasn't), but everyone either at breakfast or accounted for if they aren't besides Ned and Frank. They appear second to last (Joe is on the phone) together. I'm going to imagine they were alone together. Maybe that's why they seem to be in such a good mood.

That's all the moments that I'm calling evidence. Is it insane? Possibly. Do I care? No, this was mostly for fun. Also I kinda ship Ned with Frank. Like I've said, his entire character design was to specifically be the love interest to a detective. That accidentally makes him pretty compatible to multiple detectives.

Also a commentary on how somethings age to be somewhat gayer than intended. But it really isn't surprising for a queer like myself to find the slimmest of gayness in extreme heteronormative conditions.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this!

[excusemethatsnotcanon]

I posted 26,445 times in 2021

21 posts created (0%)

26424 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1258.3 posts.

I added 562 tags in 2021

#homestuck - 139 posts

#rose lalonde - 138 posts

#kanaya maryam - 136 posts

#herb lesbians - 136 posts

#* - 3 posts

#psycholonials - 2 posts

#skullgirls - 2 posts

#the owl house - 2 posts

#food - 2 posts

#kill six billion demons - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 61 characters

#i just played this with my cule and thought of this fic again

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

WHY IS A PORN THIS NEXT LEVEL

32 notes • Posted 2021-02-08 02:57:42 GMT

#4

I’m sorry where are these mentally ill demon tranny hackers and where can I sign up Andrew Torba literal CEO of Gab

32 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 04:24:19 GMT

#3

Me and the Cule sat down and watched Willy’s Wonderland for V-day and it was everything I wanted from the film and more. Nicolas Cage is basically Doom Guy, a silent protagonist type with a checklist he performs with rote efficiency, including his 15 minute breaks mandated by the state (even demon slayers gotta Unionize!) There was a little homoerotic tension (then everyone died,) a heartfelt plea for police abolition, The Janitor (Nic’s credit for the film) utilizing both the martial arts of Bajiquan and Arthur Fonzarelli, and it has the only valid use of the song Freebird since 1975. You should give it a watch!

41 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 03:34:35 GMT

#2

WE GOT WARIO, WE GOT GANONDORF, WE GOT ZELDA, WE GOT ZERO,  WE GOT ROTTYTOPS, WE GOT THAT BITCH FROM BLEACH. SMASH WHO?

44 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 00:25:33 GMT

#1

Use Only as Directed

John Egbert is a normal boy who takes his roommate's estrogen as a prank. John still didn't know why he was stealing these pills. They weren't prescribed to him, and they lived up to their name as death mints, but he felt almost compelled...and Rose hadn't noticed yet that she’d been losing her meds at twice the normal rate.

John jumped as someone softly knocked at the door.

“John, are you almost done? It's time for me to take my hormones!”

Shit, it was Rose. John quickly double checked that the bottles were sealed before faux-washing his hands and opening the door.

“Sorry about that, all yours!” John said, gesturing grandly to the bathroom.

“No need for theatrics,” Rose said, sliding past John towards the pill bottles on the counter. “I’ll be in and out like a thief in the night.” She picked the bottles up and shook them before frowning slightly. “It seems they run out faster each month, if only to make me interact with Mother Dearest.”

“What does your mom have to do with hormones?” John asked nervously, watching Rose pop back the spironolactone expertly.

“Oh, she doesn’t trust the ‘bargain basement chemists and seedy pharmacists’ of the world, so she synthesizes my doses herself. It’s cheaper, if a little overbearing.”

John nodded as he watched her stick the estradiol… under her tongue?

“Oh this?” Rose said, noticing his quizzical expression. “If you stick estrogen under your tongue, it dissolves into the bloodstream and provides more bioavailability. You should try it sometime.”

“Wuh-” John sputtered, unable to come up with a response.

“Just kidding, of course.” Rose smiled. “You’re a cis man and as such don’t need hormones, right?” She watched, seemingly satisfied, as John nodded.

——— 

John snuck out of the bathroom, little blue pills under his tongue, and headed towards the kitchen. “Oh hey Wose,” he said as he waved at his roommate, drinking a glass of Orange Juice.

“Hey Jown,” Rose said mindlessly, barely seeming to be paying attention. “I was just thinking about an assignment I’m having some problems with.”

John swallowed deeply and tried limbering his tongue up through sheer willpower. “Oh, which one?”

“Well, aside from the male assignment I was so ingloriously given-” She chuckled at her own joke and eyed John as if expecting him to laugh along. “The essay Professor Moon gave us on the Practical Applications of Artificial Intelligence in Composition is frankly kicking my ass.”

John brightened up, spotting a chance to talk about something he actually knew something about. This was, in his eyes, a rarity, so he was happy to try and help Rose with the assignment.

A few minutes into the conversation Rose switched from rapt attention to concern, and when John stopped to ask why, Rose reached out to grab his glasses off his face.

“You’ve got a smudge, do you mind?” she asked.

John shook his head, but as Rose delicately removed the glasses they immediately fell out of her grasp and to the floor, cracking.

“Oh no!” John cried out, diving after the now ruined glasses. “My only pair!”

They worried over the glasses for a few minutes before Rose had an idea. “You’re nearsighted too, right?”

“Too?”

"Yeah I used to wear minus 3.3, now I just use contacts," Rose explained. "If your prescription is close to mine, I could lend you an old pair." 

"Oh… that's convenient..." John said, suppressing his suspicion that Rose wasn’t only trying to help. "Hopefully the frames aren't too girly." He forced out a chuckle. 

“Don’t worry about that John,” Rose said almost... mischievously? She began digging through a bag near her bedroom door. “Aha! These should fit you perfectly.” She smugly held out a pair of sky blue, delicate frames. “And they’re your color!”

“Ha, yeah, funny how that works out, huh?” John said, waiting for a returned laugh that never came. After an awkward moment, he accepted the glasses... and then tried them on. “These fit… surprisingly well actually.” He went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. “I’m surprised. Your face is so much smaller than mine!”

“It’s really not, John.” Rose stood behind John. “It’s all about hair and makeup.”

“Oh that’s interesting, but... your hair is so nice I could never…” He stopped as Rose began carding her hand through his hair. “What are you doing?”

“Just demonstrating, John my dear.” Rose calmlypulled out a brush and some mysterious spray. “Sit still and let me work my magic.”

John decided not to push the issue and let her primp and comb his hair until she was finally done, and he didn’t look half bad. Weirdly feminine in a way he didn’t want to examine, but honestly quite good in a way he didn’t want to interrogate.

—-—-

“Hey John, can I borrow you for a minute?” Rose called, rousing John from reading a textbook far too closely.

He stretched and popped his back as he opened his door. “Sure, what do you need, Rose?”

He jumped back as she held her wrist up to his face just outside his door. “You’re the perfect skin tone match. Would you mind trying on some makeup for me?

“Uh, sure, I guess I already promised,” John said sheepishly. “Why don’t you try it on yourself though?”

“Well, I figured we could have some bonding time. You don’t see the macho type to run away from makeup.”

John shrugged in agreement, though he was actually feeling pretty excited to see Rose’s magic after the Hair Incident.

“And I really want to practice my eyeliner and it’s easier on someone else.”

“Can’t argue with that I guess…” John said, only now realizing he was already in the bathroom. “Uh… where do I sit?”

“You can just sit on the toilet, This shouldn’t take too long.” She patted the seat and, once he’d sat down, began to work.

Aside from a few chidings about watching his lip and not flinching and an accidental brush against a surprisingly sensitive chest, the entire thing went smoothly. Well, smoothly enough. Rose looming over him definitely conjured up some surprising feelings, though he guessed tall goth girls were popular for a reason.

“Aaaaaand we’re done!” Rose called out with triumph. “Now, take a look at the pretty good if I say so myself results!”

John tentatively stood up and turned to the vanity mirror. 

And he was flabbergasted.

There was a girl with a messy imitation of an expert coif, wearing stunning blue eyeliner that perfectly matched her glasses and her eyes both.

John had a lot of very mixed feelings right now. He was sure Rose was talking but he couldn’t repeat what she said if his life depended on it.

“I’ve gotta go Rose, I’ve got dinner in the oven!” he cried out as he rushed into his room and locked the door behind him.

—-—-

Rose was sitting beside John on the couch. “John, I’ve got something to confess to you,” she said softly, laying her knitting down. “I think I might be a lesbian?”

“Oh.” John felt weirdly jealous and hurt and happy all at the same time. “That makes sense I guess.” Why was she telling him?

“Well, as I said, I think.” Rose licked her lips in something approaching but definitely not anticipation. “I was hoping, with your permission, to use you as something of an experiment.”

“Haha, sure, you gonna make out with me?” John laughed, though the laughter died out as Rose’s face remained serious. He hoped she couldn’t tell he was blushing, even under the blush he happened to be wearing.

“John, I’m serious. This is science.”

“S-sure, but I don’t know if-” John was cut off by Rose’s lips. He felt like he should be taking the lead but this was nice. It was also easily described as rote. He could tell Rose wasn’t really into it, and it made sense.

A few seconds later, Rose broke the kiss off and nodded. “That’s the control, now for the experiment.”

“The whah?” John wasn’t sure where this was going anymore.

“Well, I kissed a boy, and now I need to kiss a girl, and since there’s no girls around you’ll have to do!” Rose said this so matter of factly it was hard to argue. “Now pick a name. Joan?”

“June, but...” John shook his head, she was rapidly losing control of the situation. “Why would I pick a girl name?”

“Because, my dearest Junebug, for the purposes of this experiment, you are in fact a girl.” This was all the warning June got before Rose crashed into her, her blush from the nickname deepening as Rose kissed her in a way that easily eclipsed the previous kiss.

Rose’s tongue barely needed to brush June’s lips before her mouth was open, begging for more. Rose’s hands traced her hips, brushed her legs, and paused at her nipples before lightly massaging them-producing far more pleasure than they should, damn those hormones she was taking for absolutely no reason. After several minutes of heavy petting, Rose once again broke away, though this time looking far more disheveled.

“Well I think that settles it,June.”

June nodded exhaustedly.

“Wanna be my girlfriend?”

62 notes • Posted 2021-08-08 01:23:45 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[autisticzukka]

Do you have any mailee head cannons?

YES I DO 

+ have you ever had a very weird, competitive three way friendship, and you’re all allegedly straight because you’re like 8 years old, but you’re absolutely acting like this new ho 2nd grader is the OTHER WOMAN HOW FUCKING DARE SHE

+ I like to think that that’s how Mai and Ty Lee started out.

+ Azula was their focal point. Pleasing her was important, and Azula only knows how to interact in relationships how she was taught - paranoia, control, domination, pitting one against the other to fight for her affection. She models her dad in so many ways from a young age, since he picks her as his favorite. 

+ They go to finishing school together. The vibes only get tenser, and weirder. Mai and Ty Lee never have a chance to bond outside of Azula’s influence. They don’t even find comfort in commiserating glances: in their own ways, they both love Azula. She’s been the center of them for so long, and while she was never a good friend she used to be... better. And she was something - stunning to watch, a prodigy, ruthless in protecting what was hers, and they were both hers. When they graduate, Mai is sent to the colonies with her parents. Ty Lee runs away to join the circus. Azula is left at loose ends, alone with no one but Ozai. She starts to crumble mentally.

+ Next time they see Azula, Azula will have gone from ‘flawed centerpiece of an unhealthy trio’ to ‘excessively controlling and manipulative, on the edge of a paranoid breakdown and convinced they’re the only ones she can trust, unwilling/unable to see how outright coercion on previously unheard of levels might change their dynamic’. She threatens Ty Lee’s life. She sacrifices Mai’s little brother. 

+ Eventually it comes to a breaking point, and the unprecedented happens. Mai rebels. Mai says no. And Ty Lee? Ty Lee takes her side. Ty Lee chooses her.

+ notably, my friendship didn’t end like that. and me and her would make TERRIBLE significant others, even if my heart yearns for her cuz my hearts Fucking Stupid. But a bro can dream about the potential of a dynamic, ya know?

+ I think that Mai and Ty Lee work very well in the same dynamic that people are drawn to with Zuko & Sokka, tbh. Or at least that I’m drawn to in Zuko and Sokka. I like to headcanon Mai as autistic, and I think a solid case could be made for ADHD Ty Lee. This is a very powerful combo because you understand each other, but you’re also min-maxed in slightly different ways. 

+ Mai is never going to be great at instantly befriending people, and Ty Lee is probably never going to be great at like, income taxes. I could see Mai doing the FUCK out of some income taxes. 

+ They have a shared language built on so much history together, the way you do when you’ve known anyone for a long time and through formative events. Mai can shift her shoulders a little and raise her pitch a bit and Ty Lee will crack up, because she’s doing an impression of a chaperone who had it OUT for Ty Lee. 

+ They can mourn for a relationship with Azula in a way that no one else really will, or will understand. Zuko did have fun with her when they were small, but his relationship has been strained with her for so long he like... the grief he works through is going to be grief solely about lost potential. Ursa deliberately erased her memories, and she never liked her much in the first place. Ozai has never cared about his relationships with anyone. The grief and anger that they work through is about wanting someone to be better, sticking beside someone for so long, and them just...doubling down on their bullshit. trauma bond activate lmao

+ they get matching friendship tattoos before they even start dating. Ty Lee, because it feeds into her individuality thing, and Mai, because it sounds like the opposite of what a lady would do, and nothing is permanent permanent anyways when we’re all in a constant state of decay, amirite? I’m thinking probably a throwing knife, over one of the spots Ty Lee hits to disable bending that can be easily covered by clothes.

+ they both struggle with commitment, even as they both desperately need the stability of a strongly worded commitment. being vulnerable is hard for both of them. being the only people who can really understand about Azula helps them learn to trust that it’s safe to open up to each other. learn to trust again, after years of being subtly and not-so-subtly turned against each other to appease Azula.

+ they also have the ability to hurt each other very deeply, and so when they fight it’s...super nasty. it stops reaching that level as the years go on and they feel more secure in their relationship, but in the beginning? even when theyre just still SUPER homoerotically charged friends? um. it gets bad. frequently. there’s some incredibly rocky on-off-again shenanigans. 

+ Ty Lee keeps trying to braid Mai’s hair in her sleep and it becomes a personal challenge and in joke to 1. wear Mai out enough that she’ll sleep through it, 2. increase the amount and intricacy of the hairstyle every time, 3. Mai’s shriek of outrage when she wakes up and her hair is in braids that made it crimp strangely overnight

+ Mai and Ty Lee work off excess energy by Mai throwing knives and Ty Lee dodging them. They’re both skilled enough that this works, with minimal clothing loss (and that’s not really what they’d consider a loss). Do not try at home. 

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

finally. i decided to do this. anyways hello there, i am jake and today i want to talk about something; you see, if you are in the tf2 fandom, you probably know about heavymedic. Wherther you are a hardcore gamer who resents f2p’s or a person that never played the game but has trillions of notes on their art- you know heavymedic exists and most of all you probably ship it.

And I find that weird. In the few fandoms in my life I have been in I had never seen a single ship be so widely if not shipped, then accepted. Sure, maybe everyone in the GF fandom knows what Billdip is - for better or for worse. Sure, maybe the HS fandom is 70% shipping.

But I have never ever seen such a phenomenon in a prominent multiplayer game fandom. A fandom, sadly, oftentimes filled with toxicity. Overwatch is very similar here - yet ships are either a hot topic of discussion or straight up ignored. But TF2? In here for whatever reason we ship these two mercenaries. And in this essay I will try and find a reason or two why is that.

Apologies for any mistakes or incoherency. English is not my first language, I need to ramble, and my vocabulary is all over the place.

Content warning: mentions of homophobia, blood, death, mentions of WLW fetishization, nsfw mention. Also MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE TF2 COMICS.

Part 1: Canonical Evidence and Interactions

Let’s be honest: I could ramble about this one for days on end. But I’ll try and keep it short.

First and foremost we have the official videos. And of course the first thing that comes to mind is Meet the Medic.

At the very start of the part where Medic himself appears, we see him telling a joke about a particularly gruesome situation to Heavy.

He laughs along with him, visibly enjoying his company. He even smiles as he waits for another joke. Heavy only shows genuine fear a lot later.

And of course this damn scene always cracks me up. Medic slightly pinches Heavy’s cheek and strokes his lip gently (the other part is almost not noticeable unless you play the video at slow speed).

Of course we all know about the Hand Hold that happens somewhere halfway in the vid. I don’t think I have to explain the gayness in that. The fact their hands stay interlocked even after Medic helps Heavy up. The deep breath Medic takes because even he cannot handle the emotions. That few seconds is unresolved sexual tension manifest.

Overall the short shows a strong feeling of trust between these two. Medic confides in Heavy and reverse. Yeah he puts a baboon heart into his friend’s chest cavity but the fact (as proven at the end of the video) that Heavy was the first one to have an Ubercharge implanted into him shows that Medic at the very least considers him a lab rat.

I treat End of the Line as non-canonical, as do many others, and as such won’t discuss it here. But it will forever crack me up that Valve endorsed such levels of homoerotic subtext.

These two have some short moments in other videos, like for example in Invasion Heavy helps Medic up (CINEMATIC PARALLELS) but it’s nothing major so I guess I’ll skip forward.

Second is their interactions ingame. You might call me a weirdo for trying to find stuff in there but holy shit I have things to say and I’m going to say them.

You thought I was going to fanboy over the “i love this doktor” voiceline huh? Well not really. I wish these two had unique lines if they assist one another.

Heavy is literally listed on the official wiki as the “ideal medic buddy” and multiple pages on that exact wiki say some pretty interesting things.

I have to say something about the Gentleman’s Ushanka and/or Pocket Medic. They are both community cosmetics - but the fact they both got accepted by Valve says a lot. Above is text snipped from the actual wiki.

Last but not least: The Comics. Darned comics. The pair of mercenaries has basically no interaction - unless you count issue 6.

Heavy getting absolutely PISSED when Medic is killed by Ch*avy. Their reunion. Medic referring to Heavy by “my friend” in a totally straight way. Kind of sad Valve wasted an opportunity for them to hug. Maybe they knew their comic artist ships them and wanted to avoid having to answer the Question™.

Part 2: Dynamics

This part’s a bit trickier, mostly due to the reason that I’m new to this whole dynamic analysis thing. Yeah I’m good at spotting canonical evidence but very specific shipping dynamics often escape my gaze.

The most obvious one is Big Guy, Little Guy. Quoting the TVTROPES page:

[…] This trope describes a pair of guys who always fight together, are best friends forever, and quite often have a very obvious hierarchy: The little guy is often in charge […] The little guy is usually listed first, since he’s the leader, and they are always listed together, as if they are one entity. In fact, some episodes may center on the fact that they can’t live without each other. […] If this is a case of Brains and Brawn, the Big Guy is usually the Brawn, and the Little Guy the Brains. It’s almost never the other way around, but in some cases the Big Guy can be rather smart too. […]

A sub-type of this, a common favorite here on Tumblr is known as “small chaotic big calm” and hoo boy if that isn’t these two. I don’t really have much to say here - again I am not an expert.

Part 3: Fandom Impact

So you don’t think Red Oktoberfest (as Heavymedic is sometimes called) is super popular on anywhere else than Tumblr? Wrong.

It’s hard to find TF2 fics on Archive of Our Own not tagged with Heavy/Medic. Of course most of them only contain hints to their relationship but go in the main tf2 tag and I can guarantee you, you’ll gonna see “implied heavy/medic” all the time.

But these two go further than AO3 or Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. They are recognized even within the wider circle of the fanbase. Take this SFM, for example. (I am using the Saxxy Awards version of Secret Lives here mostly due to the fact that the Heavymedic moment is much gayer. In the normal version, the dialogue isn’t changed, but they simply hold hands.)

But it gets deeper. (WARNING: THE GAY MOMENT IN THIS ONE IS NSFW. NOT EXPLICITLY SO BUT JUST A HEADS UP TUMBLR PLEASE DO NOT FLAG ME)

And the best part? The comments are extremely positive. You’d expect hoards upon hoards of homophobes screeching but no, the comments are supportive. Even on places such as Reddit or Youtube, comments like “yeah they’re gay and in love” do not get downvoted/disliked to hell; in fact the opposite.

Part 4: Canon Status

Let’s be real. Most ships are shipped because people want to explore the dynamics in fanfic, fanart or something else. But Heavymedic is shipped because… well, I have no idea.

Actually, I kind of do - but only theories. You see, while the canonical evidence is here, the creators have never said anything about them. No confirmation, no disproval, no hinting, nothing.

But the ship is so prominent! There has to be something causing this!- you say. And to that I present you 2 theories on why Heavy/Medic is so popular.

Theory number 1 states that we simply all choose to interpret their interactions as homoerotic. And this is very easy to disprove - there’s simply no way we just collectively agreed on these matters out of nothing. There has to be something bigger.

And theory 2 states that, well, our interpretation is the desired interpretation. But this is even more ridiculous than theory 1 for a number of reasons. If they are in fact gay, why hasn’t Valve made them canon yet?

A Theoretical Scenario

I am going to ramble big time on this one, so buckle up lads. I’ll discuss a theoretical scenario in which, well, if that was not obvious, Valve confirms Heavymedic as canon. Maybe then we will see why they will probably never do so.

TF2 is considered by typical capital G, alt-right Gamers as a “non-political” game. This means no women (in the game itself, at least, and if even, sexy women only), no queer folk and no minorities (for some reason they accept Demoman but throw a fit if someone draws any other merc as not being pearl white). Team Fortress 2 was around before Gamergate and other things like Gamers Rise Up. It’s a classic and Valve is regarded as the good guy to Epic Game’s bad guy. If Valve did anything to confirm doubts, wherther it be clearing up popular fanon or confirming ships, these people would throw hands. (Although they seemed to ignore when one of the writers confirmed Miss Pauling is a lesbian. Huh.) Even those that don’t play TF2 would come to the aid of their bros.

Let me illustrate with two very similar examples. In both cases these confirmations were the first made by the company as a whole, both are fairly recent and both confirm a character as gay.

First we have the confirmation of Tracer from Overwatch as a lesbian. It was done in one of OVW’s comics. Tracer is the FACE of Overwatch as a whole and while most of the fanbase accepted it (thankfully the Gamers are reluctant to infest ow), some people threw what I can only describe as a hissy fit. At least her girlfriend’s a background character.

Second is Neeko from League of Legends. Unlike Tracer she was added a while before it was confirmed she was gay. LOL is much more toxic and filled with Gamers than OW and holy shit people smeared LOL so much.

Of course these are not accurate to Heavy/Medic. In both of the cases I listed it was girls being wlw and we all know how much cisgender heterosexual gamers LOVE yuri porn. Apparently only girls can be gay because they can jack off to it - if it’s two guys then it’s disgusting. Nevertheless I think these are good approximations - in every case the company gets “shat on” on social media and other sites. With the community that Valve has, I think even if they wanted them to be gay, they would never ever confirm it.

Conclusion

I’m sorry for that ending. I had to theorize a bit. Regardless I’d love if you shared this on other sites, reblogged or whatever - I wasted at least 1 and a half hours of my life on it. Feel free to cite this as a source if someone asks you why you ship the big heavy weapons expert and the feral battle medic.

[herzspalter]

So I’ve been having a great time with Jojo and with other people who also enjoy Jojo! But there’s been a few things that have been kind of making me grumpy in the last 2 years since I got into the series, and I’m in a vent mood today!

- I get the same jokes over and over in my comments to the point where it’s really exhausting. I’ve seen at least 5 donut jokes every single week for the last two years - Anytime I draw Jotaro with an animal that is not a dolphin, people say “this should be a dolphin”. I have at least 20 comments like that. Jotaro can interact with other animals. - “milf hunter Kakyoin” comments en masse. Bonus points if it’s used without a hint of irony against any non-hetero headcanons of Kakyoin. Like yeah, you sure showed that non-canon headcanon who’s boss, by mentioning something that’s not canon either. - Anytime I say that Jojo has a lot of homoerotic subtext and imagery, I get at least 4 of the following responses: “It’s not gay, you just want to see it there and that’s why you think it’s there”, which is super condescending and missing the point (also love the defensiveness that a series might have some gay vibes, as if that were a bad thing), and “I don’t think it’s homoerotic, it’s just super manly and fabulous!”, and I don’t understand that point. Like, do you think homoerotic subtext/imagery can’t be manly...? It always pops up every single time and I don’t understand it. - also homoerotic doesn’t mean there’s gay sex on screen, this seems to be a common misconception! - You don’t get people to read the manga if you send them spoiler panels - “This should be with another character instead of this one” Look, there’s some ships, interpretations and depictions in fandom I personally don’t like either, but I avoid those and keep my salt to myself. - Five people called me a normie and that I ruin things because I said Jotaro’s watch line is hilariously terrible - I gave Risotto Nero a slightly darker skin tone because I like how it looks, and some people said this is all wrong and that they were concerned about the canon colours. Jojo doesn’t have canon colours, and I gave Ghiaccio pink eyes in the very same comic and nobody said anything. - A lot of mainly male fans assume I don’t understand the source material when I have a different opinion, or have explained my own jokes to me. - It’s okay to say that something isn’t perfect in the series! It’s okay to say “I don’t like how this was executed” etc, it doesn’t mean the person doesn’t get it or is an asshole, you can like something and simultaneously find that some things in it aren’t that great! And I’m done!! For the end I want to say, most things are super enjoyable!! People have been so so kind and supportive, and it's fun sharing art and seeing people's headcanons etc! I don’t hate people for using jokes that have been done a lot or anything like that! And most important, I don’t want to discourage anybody from enjoying themselves however they want! If you like memes etc, that’s totally okay! I’m just saying these things because I get the same comments 60 times a month when they’re not my cup of tea <3 All these things are honestly very minor, there's just days where they kinda exhaust me <3

[bleakcreek]

If you could ask Rhett and Link 3 questions and they had to answer then fully and truthfully, what would you ask? + what would you guess their answers would be to those questions? (This is me just bein curious cause I came across the college pic of them in front of their door where it said “Rhett: Breadth, Link: Length.,” and I would like an explanation for that. Also the proceeding “link yore mom called” because unless it was a joke, that spelling error needs to be explained for lmao

oh man is this like a genie thing where if i’m not specific enough they’ll answer with something that’s technically correct but not at all what i’m looking for? 

i absolutely suck at amas, as is evidenced by the fact that my questions almost never get picked during the society discord amas. except that time rhett answered my dumb question asking if they’d listened to any good podcasts lately, because of course he would answer a question about podcasts.

i like your question but tbh i’d almost be scared it would just turn out to be something mundane and it would ruin the mystique of the photo for us. learning that photo somehow didn’t have anything to do with dick size would be the rhink fandom equivalent of being told there’s no santa claus. 

...everything that i can think of would be way too personal for me to actually ask them even in a hypothetical aklsdjflskdj but on the list of Things I Would Like to Know (that might be juuuuust non-invasive enough that i would actually ask): 

1. why are rusty and larnold so homoerotic? they have a lot of homoerotic interactions in and out of character but rusty and larnold are openly and blatantly homoerotic in a way that surpasses literally every other set of characters they’ve played;

2. in the “topless maid” instagram video (you know the one), how would the bit have been different if rhett had won the game in the episode? because the humor of the bit was meant to be derived from the comedy of link doing all the cleaning while rhett was...well, stripping, so they clearly must have had a slightly different bit in mind of rhett had won. 

3. have they ever ACTUALLY been part of a “thruple”? i only ask because it seems to come up a lot. like, it was a gag in buddy system. they keep making jokes about it when they talk about leslie and amber. and there was an episode of gmm where link made a joke about “sharing a woman” with him. and they keep making jokes about each other’s wives. and i just -- i need to know. 

[heidisamiam]

“Triple Banana, Bitch”: Or, McDanno and the Challenge to Heteronormativity

1. Introducing the Case

[1] Imagine a TV show where two co-workers/friends survived being trapped under a collapsed building and Person A sustained some pretty severe injuries. While trapped, the Person B says “I love you” to them. They are eventually rescued, and the following conversation ensues.

A: When we were in there, you said ah, y'know before you did the thing with the bomb, you said what you said ... I want you to know, I feel the same way. B: How is that exactly? A: You're making me say it? (B gives A a look.) Come here. (They hug.) I love you.

Now imagine a couple years later, a mutual acquaintance, Person C, is listening to them discuss Person A’s ex’s upcoming divorce.

B: What about therapy? It worked for us. C: You two lovebirds have a therapist? A: (Incredulous scoff.) Yes, we have a therapist.

Around the same time, imagine the couple arguing because Person B found out that Person A had been thinking about retirement without consulting Person B.

B: You didn’t feel the need to include me in the decision for you to retire. I trust you to bring me into big decisions like that.

You’d probably think that was a romantic couple, wouldn't you? They got together, they expressed their love after a traumatic event forced them to, they’ve worked at their relationship, they still have spats over things like major life decisions.

What if I said that Person A is Detective Danny Williams and Person B is Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett of Hawaii Five-0?

2. Maybe It’s A Joke

The thing about Hawaii Five-0 is that they treat Steve and Danny as if they are the lead couple.

And I don’t mean this in an “if one of them was a woman, they’d be together” kind of way, but in a “sometimes you forget they aren’t actually a married/romantically involved TV couple” type of way. In the Season 7 finale, there was a moment where I honestly was confused why Steve didn’t give Danny a kiss before leaving his office.

It’s intentional, maybe not to the extent that I see it. It started out in a wink-wink-but- clearly-a-joke sort of way. Both friends and strangers referred to them as a couple very early on in the show. But, unlike some shows, there haven’t been “no homo” responses (and none as far as I know from the actors). Maybe a little incredulity from Danny on occasion, but that is his response to teasing in general.

In S1E4, Steve is playing basketball against a guy in prison to try and get information out of him. Steve yells at Danny to shut up to try to get him to stop heckling him. The prisoner he’s playing against asks, “How long you two been married?” No reaction from either of them.

In S1E7, Steve is in a hostage situation while Danny is in the perp’s house. They’re on the phone, and Danny—who looks around to make sure no one is in the room—whispers, “You, uh, you miss me, don’t you?” Steve says, “Of course I miss you.” The retired Navy guy Steve is with asks, “Who are you talking to? Your wife?” Steve replies, “I’m talking to my partner.”

In S2E18, Harry the retired police officer offers them marriage counseling.

They go to a sorority house in S3E12 and one of the women in the house says, without really seeing them interact, “Kelly, your dads are here to pick you up.”  Both men look slightly put out by the statement—but Steve expressly says it’s because he doesn’t think he looks old enough to have a daughter in college.

In S5E17, they occupy a woman’s apartment for a stakeout, and a nosy neighbor assumes they are married. At the end of the episode they leave for couples therapy (no, really) and the woman is confused, because they said they weren’t married, to which Chin says they just fight like an old married couple.

There are numerous other examples of this. A lot of it happens non-verbally, in looks they get from other people or that other people share behind their back, including people who have known and worked with them for years, usually Chin.

In S4E11, Danny calls Steve cheap while the whole group is out, and everyone backs away from their argument, side-eying each other like, “oh the married couple is fighting again.”

So, maybe it’s a joke.

3. More Than Subtext

But maybe it isn’t.

“Ho yay” is a phrase that is sometimes used, meaning “homoeroticism, yay,” to refer to homoerotic subtext in otherwise heteronormative narratives. The history of this has its roots in the fact that you couldn’t put overt mentions of homosexuality on television for a long time. So you had to do the wink, wink, nod, nod. The “roommate” or intimate friendships that most people would interpret as good friends.

There seems to be a conception used in anti-gay rhetoric that homosexuality didn’t exist until the last couple decades and that the liberal agenda intends to turn everyone gay. I would recommend to these people to read any Ancient Greek text (like, any of them), but maybe straight men and women don’t see subtext, because they don't have to. They’re represented.

Sometimes people use the term “queerbaiting” to refer to TV shows that use homoerotic subtext not in a way to imply that characters are gay, but, rather, to tease the idea that a show has gay characters so that people who want to see that kind of representation on a show watch it, but so that people who are “offended” by gay representation won’t not watch it.

I’m not sure if this happens intentionally, or if it’s just people who are fed up with the lack of representation reading into it, because the big TV demographic that everyone is after is males age 18-34, and the majority of men are heterosexual. So, this is unfortunate, but this is the problem with diversifying television, film, publishing, etc. Straight white men are still the default, so anyone else is a niche market, i.e., a risk.[2]

But Hawaii Five-0 goes way beyond the jokes, and I think even beyond baiting. You can actually watch the show as if they are in a romantic relationship together without squinting. Sure, it’s an open relationship, and you have to read both characters as bisexual (easy to do with Steve, a little harder to do with Danny), but on my reading it’s a relationship that goes outside the usual mapping of two men or two women onto a stereotypical heteronormative relationship tropes.

Maybe they aren’t sexually involved--the jokes and innuendo are almost always about them being romantically involved. And that might help my case.

4. The Evolution of a Couple

But I’m getting ahead of myself, because it takes them awhile to get there. Their relationship really starts out with pulling pigtails. They tease each other about their musical tastes, food likes and dislikes, Danny’s love of New Jersey, Steve’s love of firearms. But then “Sexy Eyes” by Dr. Hook comes on in the car one day (S1E11), which is such a lame song there is no reason why Steve McGarrett would like it, and Steve refuses to let Danny change it. It is my personal belief that Steve McGarrett listens to Supertramp and King Crimson exclusively (I have absolutely no proof of this), so not letting Danny change the song from “Sexy Eyes”? I don’t even know what to do with that.

A lot of friendships (and particularly male friendships) are based on ribbing. But neither Steve nor Danny interacts that way with Chin, Kono, Max, Jerry, or Kamekona. In fact, the only person Danny argues with the way he argues with Steve is with his ex-wife. And Steve doesn’t even remotely interact with any of the characters the way he does with Danny. He gives Lou a hard time on occasion, but he never really teases anyone else. The more I think about it, the more I think he is one of the most earnest characters on television. Steve does have a very close friendship with Chin, and in later seasons with Lou, but they’re more serious with each other. The care and support are there, but the playfulness isn’t.

In the first season, Steve and Danny have pet names for each other. In S1E6:

Steve: When I say, “Book ’em, Danno,” it’s a term of endearment. Danny: OK. Do it every day. I like it.

Danny first refers to Steve as “babe” in S1E10. He says it’s a Jersey thing, but he never refers to Chin as “babe” or Kono (who would probably shoot him for it). Sometimes Steve parrots back with a “babe” of his own. They do this in front of other people who don’t know them, usually men, usually men who look like they have no idea what to do with these two crazy cops.

Kono calls Steve “boss” or “McGarrett” and Danny is always “Danny.” Chin calls them by their first or last names. No one calls Danny “Danno” except for Danny’s children, because it’s a nickname Grace bestowed on him.

They flirt. See S1E13:

Steve: We're gonna tear into this guy's life and we're gonna rip it all apart. Danny: I have never liked you more than in this moment right now. It’s beautiful.

Substitute “I have never been more turned on than in this moment right now,” and you’re in an action movie where the guy is hitting on the badass woman.

Or in S2E1:

Danny: Why are you smiling at me? Steve: You’re not wearing a tie. It suits you.

There was also the thong incident. While in a party bus investigating a case (S4E6), Danny finds a discarded g-string, he holds it up to show Steve, and Steve says, “You gonna get an evidence bag, or are you gonna put that thing on?” For a second you can see on Danny’s face that he thinks Steve might be serious.

They know each other in ways that you only people you are intimate with. Danny has a catalogue of Steve’s looks.

Meanwhile Steve catalogs Danny’s tones of voice. Hell, Danny knows Steve’s favorite kind of frosting when he surprises him with a birthday cake. They open up to each other about their pasts in a way that we don’t (or rarely) see them do with anyone else. They communicate with each other nonverbally. They read each other. By season 7, they recognize each other’s moods and use that knowledge to encourage them to talk about what’s on their mind.

This certainly could be best friend behavior. Or it could be the result of their couples therapy (really).

Like I said, maybe they don’t have a sexual relationship, but they also touch each other a lot.

They don’t do this with other characters that they are friends with. Sometimes Steve will put his hand on Chin’s shoulder. Everyone on the team is a hugger. They’re all close. They’re ohana. But it’s different.

Steve and Danny sit really close to each other on couches. In season 3’s Halloween episode (S3E5), they watch The Notebook together on the couch. Steve’s girlfriend Cath is on the opposite end, Grace next to her. Then Danny. Then Steve on the end. He puts his arm around the back of the couch and Danny snuggles next to him. (It was apparently Scott Caan’s idea to do this.)

In S2E8, Steve shows up at Danny’s apartment, puts his arm around the back of the couch behind Danny and they watch Enemy Mine together.

They almost always sit next to each other when the whole group is together. They danced together at Kono’s wedding (S6E1). Not a group dance, this was arms around each other, holding hands, dancing like a couple. I have never seen two straight males friends do this, and I know plenty of straight men who are openly affectionate with their male friends.

One of my favorite moments happened in S4E3 where they are in a warehouse after a shootout, and Danny needs zip ties, so he walks toward Steve, who just lifts his arm as he crosses the warehouse in the other direction to give Danny access to the pocket on his tac vest. Danny grabs the zip ties while they both keep walking. It’s a practiced dance of bodily familiarity. Again, this could be because they work together closely. Steve and Kono have a silent language sometimes when they’re taking down bad guys, but they share a certain cold-blooded killer instinct that Danny and Chin don’t, but it’s not the same as a physical familiarity.

Danny knows Steve’s blood type. He gives Steve part of his liver in S6E25 (after he goes on a cold, uncharacteristic, ballistic rampage against the guy who shot Steve). They will put their lives on the line for the other and directly in harm’s way. They will go all over the world to find the other at all costs.

Danny went to North Korea to rescue Steve (S2E10). Because Jenna knew that Danny was Steve’s person to call in an emergency. She could have called HQ. She didn’t. She called Danny.

Danny went to Afghanistan to bring Steve back after he is captured by the Taliban and rescued by the Army, who didn’t know he was there (S4E20). And Danny gets super defensive when the Army officers who hold Steve try to get him to leave the room. Steve is surprised Danny is there, he asks Danny why he came, and Danny says, “I had to make sure you were okay.” Steve looks so touched in that moment, because it was the first time anyone done something like that for him.

Danny goes with Steve to a random location in the Cambodian jungle to dig up a grave, because it gave Steve a clue into his mother’s identity and past that is haunting Steve (S4E18).

Steve went to Colombia to with Danny to try to find Danny’s brother (S5E4) and later to get Danny out of Colombian prison (S5E18). He gets on a fundamental level that Danny has to get revenge for his brother, and he knows that it’s going to hurt Danny.

My point is that they really seem like a couple.

Danny goes with Steve to a doctor’s appointment in S7E20. He is in the exam room with Steve while the doctor comes in. He asks questions like a spouse. He makes the doctor tell Steve the same thing that he has been telling him in the hopes that he’ll listen to the doctor. They also have a conversation about playing doctor, because Danny is messing around with the doctor’s equipment.

Danny: Now, would you please do me this one favor. Steve: No, I will not bend over and cough with your cold hands. Danny: It’s not that kind of test.

Note that Steve’s objection is the coldness of the hands, not the hands.

Danny enters Steve’s house without knocking. Steve enters Danny’s apartment without knocking. Danny cooks in Steve’s kitchen. And then there was this in S1E24:

Steve: I’ll take powdered eggs over your eggs any day. Danny: You love my eggs. Steve: They’re terrible, Danny.

Why would Danny be making Steve eggs? Who cooks their work friend breakfast food?

5. Defying Heteronormativity

The show hits on a lot of the typical heteronormative romantic TV/movie tropes with Steve and Danny’s relationship.

Agents dating, on a stakeout, undercover—this happens in particular when Steve opens up to Danny about his stunted emotional growth during a stakeout, to which Danny responds by buying Steve a guitar.

Anguished/dying declaration of love: When they are trapped under a building together (S4E19) and when they are dealing with a uranium bomb (S7E18) (more on those below).

Like an old married couple: Again, numerous examples of this.

Belligerent sexual tension: Danny rants at Steve all the time, and Steve argues back, you keep waiting for Janeane Garofalo to jump in and say, “Would the two of you just do it and get it over with? I'm starving!”

Innocent cohabitation: Steve lets Danny stay at his place for a while after Danny’s apartment gets destroyed, Danny sleeps with the TV on (which drives Steve crazy) to drown out the noise of the ocean (which drives Danny crazy), so he buys Danny super expensive noise-canceling headphones from a store clerk who gives him the “partner?” face (S2E9).

Love at first punch: Danny punches Steve in the face in the first episode (S1E1).

But it isn’t entirely heteronormative. Sometimes you run into the “which one is the more feminine one” stereotype when you see gay couples portrayed on TV. You might be tempted to think that H50 plays into this and that Danny is more feminine because he’s sometimes called the nagging wife, and because Steve is a Navy SEAL and Steve really is the central character of the show.

But when you look closer, Danny shows more overt signs of traditional hetero-masculinity than Steve does. His primary emotional response to anything is anger. He goes alpha male protective over his kids to the point of causing others bodily harm. He falls asleep in front of the TV, wakes up when Steve turns it off and says “I was watching that.” He’s the one who sometimes leers at women, is distracted by bikini models. He fathered two children. He is coded as straight.

Steve meanwhile always looks women in the eye. He is either very reserved or he is more individual, person-centric in his choosing of romantic or sexual partners. Given that his old nickname was “smooth dog” (still not sure if that was a joke or not, because Steve is also a huge dork) you get the feeling that he used to be more of a lothario, but doesn’t do that anymore. Maybe he was overcompensating. He is also, in spite of his hard exterior, extremely thoughtful and compassionate. He’s also nags Danny about Danny being a slob after Danny house sits for him. He’s a control freak--usually the accusation given to women.

He also remembers down to the day how long he and Danny have been partners (this happens multiple times over the course of the show).

It wouldn’t be a stretch to consider that maybe Steve is bi or gay, but was closeted while serving in the Navy. You see him in two relationships with women on the show, and both women are not traditionally feminine. Catherine was great. She was absolutely likable. She was a Naval officer, she likes her steaks rare, she drinks beer, she shoots guns. She was competent, confident, and kind of a badass. She was perfect for Steve, and I could roll with it. I like Lynn, too. She’s tough, a thrill-seeker, well-matched for Steve, someone he can do things with that Danny wouldn’t do.

It takes a little mental gymnastic work, it does, but they might just have an open relationship. It works for some people. And it would make Hawaii Five-0 a really progressive show if they went there.

There’s the Rachel issue to contend with. Steve seems upset when he finds out that Danny and Rachel started sleeping together again at the end of season 1. Mostly because Danny didn’t tell him. But in the end, Danny actually chooses Steve over Rachel. Steve gets arrested, and, even though Danny is supposed to meet Rachel and Grace at the airport, he goes to Steve instead.

The writers are teasing Rachel and Danny getting back together, which I vehemently oppose. They tried it twice, Rachel lied to Danny, she resents his job, they don’t work together. It also throws off my narrative a little, even though I think Rachel actually likes Steve, so maybe Danny is going to break Steve’s heart and I will never forgive the writers.

Steve and Cath never really defined their relationship. Though Steve did plan to propose to her, and Danny encouraged it. That doesn’t really kill my theory, though, because I think Danny probably loved Cath, too. Marriage would have been the only way to keep Cath in Hawaii, but marriage wouldn’t have precluded Danny and Steve from still being together in some capacity. Because Cath accepted Danny’s role in Steve’s life. In one episode (S3E17), Cath buys Steve tickets to the Pro Bowl, but Steve already had tickets for him and Danny. Cath just took Kono instead and teased Danny and Steve about their date. In the end, Steve gets injured on a case and can’t go. Danny could still go, but chooses to stay with Steve at the hospital instead. Danny has always been more important to Steve than even Cath was.

I do think part of Danny still likes the idea of a nuclear family, because he’s a parent. But he’s not necessarily a monogamist, though. As evidenced by the fact that he started sleeping with Rachel when she was still married. (Presumably Rachel was already planning to leave Stan, but Danny gets upset when he thinks his sister is cheating on her husband in a later episode, so I don’t know. But hypocrite much, Danno?)

Now you have them in more of a polyamorous situation. They give each other dating advice, but it’s sort of like telling your crush what you would like them to do to woo you. It’s sort of like they are the primary couple and they are negotiating how to deal with the open part of their relationship. Maybe they still both prefer sleeping with women. Danny seems to lean more that way. Maybe they do the commitment, companionship thing with each other. Maybe whatever they have together is new and they’re still working through it.

In S7E16, they “accidentally” spend Valentine’s Day weekend together. They’re with their respective girlfriends, but they end up spending most of the weekend together, and it was their girlfriends who booked the vacation, the adjoining rooms, and they seem more interested in hanging out with each other than they do Danny and Steve.

When the four of them have dinner together at the end of the episode on the beach in a romantic setting, Steve and Danny are sitting next to each other and Lynn and Melissa are on the other side of the table. Earlier in the day, Danny had apologized to Melissa for something and she says, “I knew what I was getting into.”

It’s also worth noting that the steamy love scenes we get on screen are between Kono and Adam and between Chin and Abby. You see Cath and Steve making out pretty heavily once, fully clothed, and you see them in bed together, but Steve and Lynn never even kiss. You see Danny and Melissa in bed together, but it’s only ever implied.

Whatever else, this show does challenge heteronormative stereotypes on some level.

6. The Evidence of Affection

They regularly say “I love you” to each other. Sometimes there’s a “bro” or “buddy” added, but it almost always sounds awkward. You feel like they know other people are watching so they don’t go for it. Most of the time. Sometimes there’s more feeling behind it. “I love you,” I thought I was going to lose you. Sometimes they say “I love you” in the way that you say thank you after you convince your spouse to do an unpleasant chore.

Steve takes Danny on a date (a hike, whatever) in S1E20 to show him cliffs that he used to climb and petroglyphs that his dad used to take him to when he was a kid. This is a big deal, because Steve is opening up about his family. He even suggests that they take Grace there when she’s older. Danny, who complains just to complain, reluctantly agrees that “it’s nice.” It’s kind of romantic.

Steve ends up falling when he goes to check on another fallen climber. Steve breaks his arm in the process but is more worried about Danny being careful when he climbs to the summit of their hike to get cell service. Help does arrive. As the helicopter takes him away, Danny makes a heart sign at him. Maybe it was a joke. But at the end of the episode, he gets jealous when a woman comes up to sign Steve’s cast.

But when Danny thought they were going to die under the collapsed building (mentioned at the beginning, in S4E19), there was no joking around. Again,

Danny: When we were in there, you said ah, y'know before you did the thing with the bomb, you said what you said ... I want you to know, I feel the same way. Steve: How is that exactly? Danny: You're making me say it? (Steve gives him a look) Come here. (they hug) I love you. Steve: I love you, buddy.

Take out the “buddy” and re-read that. I’ll wait.

In S7E18, there is a uranium bomb that Danny and Steve have to removed the uranium from and then take to another location. The bomb is volatile, and they have to take it across uneven terrain in an old truck. Before Steve starts the car, he tells Danny he loves him. Danny doesn’t say it back right then, he panics. But after Steve gets the uranium out, Danny apologizes, “Look, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” Told him about his retirement plans? Told him that he loved him? Who’s to say?

My all-time favorite line is in S5E12 when Steve starts helps out a teenager, Nahele, who stole his car but was really just dealt a shitty hand in life:

Danny: You know what you are? You’re a half-baked cookie, soft and gooey on the inside. Kid should be in juvenile hall, and you go and you give him a job  That’s why I love you, babe. You like fixing broken toys.

You don’t always see portrayals of male friendships that are so openly affectionate or willing to say they love one another, and I don’t want to diminish that, I really don’t. Familial love and platonic love are no less important than romantic love. As someone who identifies on the aro spectrum, this is important to me. But you get plenty of solid platonic relationships on the show.

Steve and Chin also have a strong relationship—Steve totally loses it when Chin is strapped with explosives in S1E12. He breaks into a police evidence room and steals $10 million to save Chin’s life. We find out in a flashback scene that after Chin’s wife dies, that Steve would regularly call him in the middle of the night and invite him out for coffee at the diner near Chin’s house, and he would sit with him in companionable silence in the middle of the night. That is friendship. That is love.

But it’s still not the same as it is with Danny. It’s more like you would expect a brotherhood, family, or a close friendship.

Steve and Kono’s relationship is probably my favorite on the show, because Steve neither treats her like a sister nor as a sexual object. Danny leers at Kono the first time he meets her. Eric hits on her, Sang Min hits on her. Steve treats her like a peer. They’re friends, but there is a mutual respect that you rarely get between men and women in real life.

7. More Than Ohana

So, maybe they’re just family. Maybe.

They go to couples counseling—I am not making this up; they literally go to couples counseling—because they have communication problems that affect their working relationship. They also argue about money. These are the two classic problems that romantic couples argue about.

Danny always pays when they go out and would like Steve to stop conveniently forgetting his wallet. Steve doesn’t share his feelings enough. Danny feels like Steve doesn’t listen to him. Danny is the nagging one in the couple (in S1E13, he even admits this, “I don’t want to be a nag, but…”). But Steve is the control freak (as Danny regularly points out, as Steve himself says in S7E18 When he exposes himself to the uranium so Danny doesn’t have to). They’re both worrywarts, particularly about the other, and about Danny’s daughter.

Steve goes to pick up Grace from school in the first season (S1E23) like he’s her step-father, because Danny is in the hospital. He didn’t talk to Danny about it—all he knew was that the doctor said he was going to be okay. He already knew it was Danny’s day to get Grace.

The way they know each other is intimate.

There is a scene in S7E14 where Danny and Chin watch Steve have a conversation on the phone, and Danny gives commentary, knowing the gist of the conversation based on Steve’s body language,

Danny: His mouth has not moved in three and a half minutes. Chin: You know, maybe she's got him on hold. Danny: No. No. His nostrils are flaring. He's pacing like a maniac. And he just switched the phone from his right hand to his left hand, which means he wants to punch something. Chin: Well, you know your boy well.

In addition to the counseling, which is not just a one episode gag (no, really, they have a workbook), Steve “accidentally” books them a couple’s counseling retreat. It’s almost as if he wanted Danny to see that they are a couple, but then he chickened out.

They talk to each other like a couple. There are so many examples of this, I don’t know where to start.

When Danny’s mom comes to visit (S6E15), Steve offers to come down to keep Danny company because she is driving Danny crazy. This was after Steve met her and was overwhelmed by her and Danny’s bickering that he escaped.

Steve: What could the FBI possibly want with your mother? Danny: I have no idea. Why do you think I’m calling you? Steve: Did you ask her? Danny: Of course I asked her. What kind of stupid question is that? Steve: Whoa. Why are you getting mad at me?

Because he recognizes that Danny is upset about something else and projecting. After Danny explains why he’s upset (counseling works!), Steve responds with “You want me to come down there? I’ll come down there.” He’s working a case, but he would drop everything to run interference with Danny’s mother.

Steve cares about Danny’s daughter and son as if they are his family. And you can write it off along with the theme of “ohana,” you could, but by  season 7, Steve and Danny are basically co-parents. Steve goes to the governor to help Danny keep his custody agreement in season 1. When Danny gets taken to Colombia, he asks Steve to talk to Grace. Steve does, and the way he talks to Grace it’s clear that he respects her enough not to lie to her.

In S4E14, the whole group is together, including Grace, celebrating the end of a case. Steve pulls Danny away from the group under the guise of bringing back drinks for everyone just so he can tell Danny what a good kid Grace is. The way Steve looks at her is with fatherly pride.

When Grace’s school dance is held hostage in S7E8, Steve is absolutely frantic until he sees that Grace is okay. He calls out her name like a concerned father, and when she sees him, she races to him to give him a hug. When they separate, Steve looks at Danny and asks, “No hug?”

Danny says, “I’ll give you a hug. I’ll give you a kiss. You pick a base.” Then the three of them walk together, Danny with an arm around them each. I want a scene where Grace’s friends ask her who her dad’s hot boyfriend is. Because you know it happened.

In S7E23, Steve helps Danny decorate Charlie’s bedroom (at Danny’s house? At Steve’s? I can’t tell.). Danny is dealing with protecting a witness (he also leads Steve--not the team, Steve personally--on a wild goose chase around Oahu to track the men who want to silence the witness, which amounts to him ordering Steve around until Steve drives his truck through a house to stop the bad guys), so Steve finishing building Charlie’s race car bed. He plays race car driver with Charlie before bedtime, he tucks him in, brushes his hair off his face, and wishes him goodnight. Like a parent.

Their families talk about them like they’re partners. Hell, Steve takes Danny as his date to Steve’s aunt’s wedding.

In S2E19, Steve’s sister Mary runs into them at the beach as they are coming in from surfing. She asks, “So you guys are like surf buddies now?” And Steve says, “Kind of.”

It’s meant to be on the surface a comment on Danny’s surfing ability, I think, but the awkwardness of it doesn’t account for that. After Mary leaves, Danny says, “So we’re surf buddies now.” The ensuing argument that you can fill in goes something along the lines of: you can’t tell her we’re seeing each other? It is the natural next line in that conversation. “Surf buddies” is like the male version of “gal pals.”

When Danny’s sister comes to visit, she knows who Steve is because Danny talks about him a lot. She says “Mom said you were a catch.” But you don’t get the feeling that she means a catch for her.

The clincher for me was in S7E18 (the uranium episode).

He and Danny have an argument in front of students at the police academy until Duke intervenes. Steve read a list that Danny left on his desk full of things he likes, things like traveling (which Steve points out that Danny always complains when they travel together). Steve calls Danny out for keeping something from him and offers to talk about it, and Danny gets mad because Steve invaded his privacy by looking at the list. The next scene you see Steve talking on the phone to Chin trying to get his assessment of the situation.

We find out that it’s a list of things that Danny would like to do when he retires. Steve gets upset. In the “I thought we would always be together, please don’t leave me” type of way.

Again, “You didn’t feel the need to include me in the decision for you to retire. I trust you to bring me into big decisions like that.”

In the ensuing conversation, Steve compares his relationship to Danny with Danny’s first marriage. Danny says that maybe he wants to open a restaurant after he retires. Steve is incredulous, but by the end of the episode, after they’ve both survived, Steve wants him to name it “Steve’s, “because if we’re not together, we’ll still be together.” Steve is so co-dependent on Danny I could write a separate essay about it. To show his support, Steve even buys Danny a monogrammed chef’s hat in S7E25.

The last scene of S7E18, when Lou tells Steve that HPD was the target of the uranium bomb, you see Steve turn and look at everyone eating dinner in the house (McGarrett’s house. Where Danny was cooking.), and the camera following Steve’s gaze focuses on Danny.

8. McDanno Forever

I can work with the girlfriends and the apparent heterosexuality. I can work with the “bro”s and “buddy”s. My point is that if the writers started writing out the women as love interests and wrote in a few more domestic scenes with Steve and Danny, it wouldn’t take away from the show. In fact, I don’t think anyone would notice anything was different. Because it wouldn’t actually be different.

It also genuinely wouldn’t feel out of character for Danny to finally figure out that he and Steve have actually been together together for years without him realizing it. Steve, of course, knew all along.  

But it also wouldn’t surprise me if they are already knowingly in a committed but open relationship. One that maybe started with sex but ended up as life partners of some sort, because however you want to define it, Danny is very clearly the most important person in Steve’s life. And Danny clearly relies on, depends on, trusts and loves Steve.

You can actually hear the reactions when they tell everyone.

Lou: *nearly falls over laughing*

Chin: “Yeah, we know, brah.”

Kono: “Everyone knows.”

Jerry: “Worst kept secret since The Flash’s identity.”[3]

[1] Originally posted on Wordpress here. Title is a quote from Danny regarding the level he reached on Pac-Man. Also, all photos and were taken from google searches, and probably the property of CBS. [2] There’s a lot more to say about this. Diversity without tokenism is really important to me, and some day I'll write something about it. [3] Granted, Wally West told everyone he was The Flash, but then he outed Barry Allen in the process...

[moriliarty]

I don't want to be disrespectful, but I don't understand your issue with sherlock and "queerbaiting." I'm all for representation in media, however, realistically not everyone is gay. John has said multiple times in the show that he isn't gay, and he was married to a woman. Two men are allowed to be close friends without having to satisfy a tumblr-worthy homoerotic fantasy. As I said, I fully support representation, but just because two characters aren't gay for each other doesn't make a show bad

No worries, asking a question and stating your opinion isn’t disrespectful.  People are allowed to disagree.  In general I believe that the episode was garbage, so the queer baiting had it not happened would have still wouldn’t have made the episode good to me, but that’s another matter. 

While I understand that not every person in the world is part of the LGBTQ+ community, so every character in TV and films will not be so, this show for years has given the characters a slightly “homoerotic” vibe as you put it.  

Despite John explaining that he is not gay 1. i could say i don’t like a certain person and it doesn’t make it true 2. he may not be gay, he may like people rather than the gender 3. bisexual anyone? it is possible he is just saying that and the way the writing portrays the interactions of the characters, it makes it seem just that.  It isn’t just wishful thinking by the fans, there are clear romantic vibes, but again and again the writers have given the vibes, but have taken away the representation.

Additionally representation isn’t just nice to have, it isn’t just LGBTQ+ individuals wanting to see others like them, it’s essential.  It’s essential not only for normalizing LGBTQ+ individuals, but it’s also essential for the healthy psychological development of those people who are struggling with their identities.  By teasing and then taking away the prospect of people they identify with (John and Sherlock), the writers invalidate those groups of people and essentially make a joke of their sexualities.  

That’s why I’m upset.