#simon you asshole
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work it out (part 2)
early access + nsfw on patreon
#simon you asshole#he knows exactly what he's doing#slow burns gotta slow burn and buddy we are at barely a simmer#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#monster 141 au#giragi art#promise next couple parts will be action packed#have to maintain a mix yknow
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"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.
But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.
#simon says#i love learning so much and I hate the USA's college debt system#once they make that shit free I will be unstoppable#this topic sprung up because I had the idea that im very academic and annoyingly analytical that I might as well get a degree in it#because without a degree you just seem like an autistic asshole#but with a degree? then you look like a CREDIBLE autistic asshole#don't worry I will still learn but I still want that funky piece of paper to tell everyone I learnt it#also there's some things that are VERY difficult to learn#like I would love to persue this topic further but unfortunately I would need help with that#also before you say 'try taking [blank] classes instead! it's less expensive than a degree!' im broke#my only learning resource is the library sorry about that#also this is not the post to give me unwarranted financial advice#finances are one of the topics I DO NOT care about and I WILL NOT listen to a word you say
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I'm really pissed of because of a tiktok that included DBDA so here's the rant:
I just saw a tiktok where it showed a bunch of shows where if one decision was made the whole show wouldn't have happend
For example: with heartstopper that charlie gets put next to tao instead of nick, so nick & charlie don't end up talking.
The last slide was for dead boy detectives.. yay DBDA mention!
EXCEPT it was edwin saying hi to simon.
EDWIN DIDN'T OWE SIMON SHIT. THAT WOULD NOT HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE. YOU ASSHOLE. EVEN IF, BIG IF, SIMON WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING WITH IT AND THEY WOULD GET TOGETHER. IT WAS STILL THE 1900s. IT WASN'T JUST SIMON. YOU CAN'T JUST IMPLY THAT EDWIN DIED BECAUSE HE DIDN'T SPEAK TO SIMON. THAT'S VICTIM BLAMING, AGAIN, YOU ASSHOLE.
Mannnnn that pissed me off. Edwin's (after)life could've been a little different, maybe, but simon wasn't the only one who chanted. There were multiple guys that grabbed him. If Simon and Edwin SOMEHOW gotten together, they would probably end up lying on that things side by side while being offered up.
Edwin had no control over his death. It was a hate crime. He is in no way to blame.
You asshole.
#ignore this#but it really pissed me off#and my mom's the only one who has seen the show#so i have no one to yell to#but that's not okay#i get it was supposed to be light hearted and none of them were entirely correct#but seriously.#implying that edwin wouldn't have died if he had just said hi to simon#that's insane#simon was bullying him#he didn't owe him shit#even if he did it simon would've most likely laughed at him for it#simon was too fcking scared#they weren't in a safe environment#don't put that on edwin#i repeat#you asshole#sos sorry if the person who posted that ever sees this somehwo#please don't take it personally#dead boy detectives#dbda
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okay wait hear me out: Soap with a shaved asshole
BUT (wait, listen, hear me out)
Ghost is the one who shaves him, and he does it with a straight razor
semi-regularly, Johnny finds himself face down in a pillow, his ass in the air trying to stay as still as possible while Simon spreads his cheeks, lathering shaving cream in his ass crack, the knife-sharp edge of the razor pressed against his sensitive skin, hands holding the skin taut to avoid cutting him, giving him the smoothest shave he’s ever had, all so Simon can fuck him better
he spends the entire time nearly vibrating in place, trying to stay stock still so Simon doesn’t accidentally cut him, but his cock is hanging between his legs and every scrape of the razor on his skin has him twitching, trying to get friction, unsure if he wants to flinch away or press back into the razor’s edge in Simon’s hand
sometimes he swears that the shaving is more erotic than the sex that comes after
#listen I know we all love hairy soap (myself included)#but I also love soap trusting ghost with a straight razor literally right next to his asshole and in between his buttcheeks#something about it#I honestly have no idea if you even can shave your ass with a straight razor#undoubtedly it’s a bad idea#shaving kink#knife kink#does it count? i’m tagging it anyway#call of duty#cod#don’t try this at home kids#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#tombstone's epitaphs
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Fuuuck I don't want to draw backgrounds anyway why do I get randomly dizzy and see black spots . What's that about
#art#help how do i anatomy#pinetrikov#betty grof#golbetty#stanford pines#fionna and cake#cake the cat#adventure time simon#simon petrikov#adv time#gravity falls#gravity falls au#adventure time au#ford pines#crackship#kinda ? not rwally. i ship it. for real.#anyway i want you to know . i do not think simon could help ford. but hot sloppy makeout sesh couldn't hurt#ford is an asshole and that is why i like hem. i meam obv he can be kind but like. lets be real. he kinda sucks as a person lmao /LH#simon my beloved . simon my man with problems. wife guy.#im practicing drawing comics.#does it look ok?#also psosps pinekitrov girlies come eat. ive got more on the way#gravity falls art
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Soap: Have you never lost anyone close to you? What would you do if say… Ghost died
Gaz: Is he actually dead this time or just fucking around again?
Soap: Actually dead. What would you do?
Gaz: Before or after I start laughing?
#scheduled#don’t let gaz fool you he would be devastated losing his favorite asshole#call of duty#cod mwii#modern warfare ii#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#incorrect quotes
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Against the delusional Edmar shippers hating on Felicia for no reason:
Seriously I searched Twitter (proudly deadnaming it) for some Edvin and Felicia content and I go through these:
What is old Edvin to you? He's growing and evolving as a person and this picture seems to be bad and I don't support smoking but please move on!
PR stunt my fucking ass!
.................
Like how delulu can those people be? Edvin and Omar had amazing chemistry in YR especially their intimate scenes but that's because they're really professional and had an AMAZING intimacy director! No doubt! Period! Exclamation mark!
Why tf are people hating on Felicia for nothing? Or because she's dating Edvin and both of them are being (slightly) public about it. And that you can't fetishise Edvin and Omar together anymore?! Or that you can't imagine yourself with Edvin as a tweet suggested??? Why the fucking delulsions and hate when Edvin and Omar HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDS BEST????? HUH! Plus Omar and Felicia are really close, like look at this adorable picture 😭
(and Edvin liked, lol)
And look at this
And this
Literally look at Omar's comment!
And this
And this
These guys literally left supportive comments 😭😭
Edvin and Felicia are dating. Omar is besties with Edvin and Felicia, and I look Friends Best at a literal level. I had my fair share of beef with delusional shippers before them so seeing this really pissed me off big time. Also, why tf is Felicia being hated on just because she's dating Edvin and that she "changed" him for the worse like I can't with the misogyny! As much as I don't support smoking, Felicia isn't to blame and people change if THEY choose to! Edvin and Felicia seem happy, but again I'm not to be intrusive when I'm a stranger to them irl, and same goes to you! I love Edvin and Omar's chemistry, but I 200% ship them AS A FICTIONAL COUPLE BECAUSE THEYRE ACTORS DOING AMAZING AT THEIR MOTHERFUCKING JOBS PLEASE STOP BEING ASSHOLES AND START TO ACCEPT REALITY!
It's actually refreshing to see tweets and replies supporting and defending the couple it's just that this triggered my beef for delusional shippers in the past
Like this post (misunderstood this lol lack of sleep maybe?
#edvin ryding#felicia truesson#omar rudberg#young royals#delusional shippers#edmar#only tagging edmar to trigger some delusional shippers and maybe get support#wilmon#yeah i ship them as wilmon and not edmar#and i love edvin and omars friendship#like irl these guys are soooo chaotic and sooooo fucking supportive i cant!!#but omar seems 100% OKAY with Edvin and Felicia dating#i request you all to stop being asshole and stop fetishising mlm couples!#exclamation mark and exclamation mark and period#simon eriksson#prince wilhelm#stella and frederika#bye
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Signal Lost
I've had something happen to me that's so incredible and that I could have never hoped, something so touching and so unbelievable that it made me rethink a whole lot of stuff: a wonderful reader on Ao3 started reading my long-form fic (101k words!!!) and commented basically every chapter after a certain point. And wow, I would have never thought something like this might happen.
And yeah, it is my first fic with plot in it, yeah I will never believe it to be perfect, but it's good enough. And receiving all those emails from Ao3 really was the highlight of my days over the course of which I saw said reader slowly go through all my favorite parts!
And so I wish to give it some spotlight here, while I'm finishing up my school year and work and whatever! I will post this here for now, but I will drop chapters every few days and make a Masterlist for it this weekend. (nvm I don't have the energy to do this any time soon lmao) I have too many loose ideas in my head so this is just to pass the time till the brain worms wiggle all in the same direction
So without further ado:
Link to AO3 here : Signal Lost - a John Price x reader fic
----- here's a blurb to pique your interest!
“I don’t think I’ve ever received a document as classified as this one. What am I supposed to do with it, Kate?” he says, dragging his thumb across the pile of papers, each file filled with more ink than the last.
“You asked for proof, there’s your proof,” Laswell says.
“You said you’ll bring someone competent, and who can help us, this doesn’t tell me shit.” He stares blankly at the screen, tired. She stares back.
“The Captain specifically asked to keep this under wraps.”
He rubs at his face, scratching at his beard. It’s getting long again.
“Who is he, anyway?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
He groans again, picking up the file on top. No photo, no name, no age, no height, weight, no nothing . And he thought Simon was secretive.
“What can you tell me?”
“It’s the closest we’ve ever gotten to him. Did things a particular way.”
He shifts through the papers. “And the discharge?”
“Left after the entire team got wiped out. Messy stuff.”
“That why he doesn’t show his face?” He bends forward, grabbing the cigar from the ashtray and bringing it to his lips.
“John.” Her voice carries a heavy warning.
“Just sayin’,” he says, biting around the cigar with one side of the mouth. “What kinda captain doesn’t go down with his men?”
“Got enough guilt as is. You’re lucky I convinced them.”
They both remain silent. They know the missions would be a slippery slope. One wrong move and a war is started. He puffs a cloud of smoke.
“Anything else?” John asks.
Kate looks to the side, her face illuminated by another screen. He can see her hesitate, her lips are pursed in a thin line as if she’s debating her options.
“You’ve worked together before.”
His face lights up. “Finally! Who?”
Her face immediately hardens back up. “Can’t tell, John, my hands are tied.” She sighs. “You were still a Lieutenant.”
Years ago then. He mentally catalogs everyone he’s ever worked with, but he knows that at that age, he was throwing himself at every available mission, wanting to make a name for himself. “So an old fart then? How’s that gonna help us?” If the guy was a Captain when he was still a Lieutenant, and he felt himself grow old, he can’t imagine who Laswell is bringing back from the dead.
Laswell’s face distorts, he knows he’s pushing her buttons, but he has to know.
“Not older than you John.”
His eyebrows raise. “Oh?”
---
or
returning to the military to hunt Makarov is hard enough, to do it with your past lover is even harder. a "friends to lovers to enemies to friends and back to lovers" story
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Tags and other CW: will be posted for each chapter containing warnings for more hardcore stuff (i.e., torture and angst namely), but this is a fanfic, with smut, so if you want all the tags feel free to check the ao3 link bc there are a LOT and I am lazy to retype them all here
#cc writes#141#tf 141#call of duty#ghost#soap#gaz#price#john price#price x reader#captain john price x reader#captain john price#reader insert#fanfiction#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#ghost is kinda a softie in this one#price is a bit of an asshole at the beginning but you'll see i dont wanna spoil anything#reader is badass but has issues lmao thats the only way i can describe it#you can see when my writing style sort of improves so don't compare it to my most recent stuff lmao#anyway enjoy
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#Lies of P#Astrid plays Lies of P#jesus fucking christ these scenes are fucking killing me#I am happy to announce that I've defeated Simon tonight........ only for the Nameless Puppet kick my ass for the third time in a row by now#this game is going to be the cause of my death#every fucking time I'm in a boss battle my pulse is over 120 bpm#(thanks smart watch I didn't want to know this btw)#you're not touching my puppet Geppetto#oh my god during the fight he says all the gaslighting things and flashes ENORMOUS red flags right in my face#''no father wants to resort to the lash but there's no other way''#you fucking asshole you're NOT touching P while I have a say in it#what sort of a father were you to Carlo huh? huh??? that's the real question G#because everything I've seen about you and your mates is pretty alarming#99.99% sure the death of your own son happened because of YOU#I can't wait to learn the truth though#I'm so clooooooooooseeeeeeeeeeee#😭
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Twisting Fairy Tales
Today's edition: Cinderella
Featuring: Magnus in the role of the non-evil Stepmom Raphael and Simon in the roles of the non-evil Stepsiblings Clary in the role of Cinderella Alec in the role of the crown prince who is so much more interested in the stepfather of the weird girl who keeps talking to the ducks in the royal pond Jace, the crown prince's first knight who is very much interested in the weird girl and wishes she would step away from the creepy ducks And Izzy in the role of the younger sister of the crown prince who would really rather talk to the Bane brothers than the princes to foreign kingdoms that hher parents have lined up for her.
#magnus bane#alec lightwood#malec#shadowhunters tv#malec prompt#jace herondale#clary fairchild#izzy lightwood#simon lewis#raphael santiago#lets twist up some fairy tales to make up new stories#Magnus would be a good stepmom#I mean stepdad#he is meant to be a parent and you can't convince me otherwise#crown prince alec#who is totally into the pretty man with three kids who has lost two spouses already#which now that I wrote it like that does sound suspicious but Magnus is innocent I swear#unless one of his spouses was an abusive asshole to the kids then Magnus totally offed him and I stand behind him anyway
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i love wayward son but as someone who worked at a renfest his whole childhood (and is desperate to work for one again but money's tight) i have an ULTIMATE NITPICK
#like even IF security wouldnt have immediately fucking shut down an unscheduled bit/show with LIVE WEAPONRY (even stage weaponry)#in the MIDDLE OF THE PATHWAY#only the shopkeeps can handle weapons with live edges FOR YOU or they are breaking site rules (at least in my state and at the ARF backthen#theyre usually mounted on racks and peace-tied with zipties leather or ribbon#to prevent drunk assholes from swinging swords at bystanders because they think its funny#simon honey you ripped a mount off of a wall and nine swords came with it <3#that is the only possible way you could have gotten that sword out in under 30 seconds
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the montage of cake ruining shit in ooo by Doing Cat Things… the thing i vaguely half-remember from an adam muto interview abt fionna fucking things up in magical worlds sometimes bc shes coming from an angle of reacting like it’s a Video Game or something…. and simons whole. the way he interacts w absolutely everyone he doesnt feel a need to be “okay” for… I think our main cast might be the Making The Situation Worse gang. theyre here to roll up and ruin everything. cake is magic now but she still has the mind and perspective of a normal cat, fionna doesn’t know how to interact with any of these universes from the perspective of them being unique worlds with real people, and simon just wants to make a fucking beeline to trying to shut his brain off. this is going to go poorly ❤️
#that’s how it kind of looks and that’s what i hope for#i love it when there’s a main cast in a story where Heroes of some kind would be. whod you’d expect as main characters#but you just get like. a bunch of. for lack of a better term. self absorbed assholes#like how in f*rsc*pe#(trying 2 avoid this being in the tag for an unrelated show)#you dont get a story abt these heroic underdogs stopping to help people on their way or anything#(like what youd expect coming from a lot of similar sci fi shows)#u get a story abt this bunch of cunts who couldnt be heroes even if they wanted to#and theyre just focused on their own needs#Anyway. I hope with fionna and cake and simons collective abilities they make things worse for many people#bc itd be funny. toxic friend group arises#basilposting#atposting#fionna and cake spoilers
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I've decided that in any kind of 'Simon and Daniel are brothers' headcanon I will always insist that Simon is the younger, whether that's younger brother or younger twin. My reason for this is entirely because he reminds me a lot of my younger sister, and when we were kids and my brother and I would get in trouble for misbehaving she was always perfect and she'd point it out. "I didn't say that bad word, mommy", "dad, I wasn't yelling", "I ate all my dinner", and I could absolutely see Simon doing that shit with Markus and the Jericrew. North and Josh are fighting and Simon's sitting there pleasantly like "I wasn't arguing, Markus😌" absolute whore for approval and favour
#Simon I love you you're a bitch#dbh#Dbh Simon#Dbh memes#So many people ignore his asshole tendencies it's so sad#He's so passive aggressive sometimes it's hilarious honestly#Simarkus
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@goldenliartrash tagged me to make a poll of my five all time fav characters and then tag five people to do the same. I am not entirely sure I have 5 active mutuals but let's go.
my tags are @focushiccup, @roseblackout, @aclassicalkilljoy, @teaboot who is not a mutual but I'm very curious about theirs and @lirocrew
#naruto#Yes really#Also I love Kaiba but he's an asshole#He's just MY asshole#steven universe#5 Elementos#nobody know this one it's okay#you should do if you as much as like comics#gurren lagann#I stand by the fact that it's Simón and not Simon
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dinner in america is such a “take what you want from it and leave the rest” movie for me because i do think it’s very cute and i can buy into some of the wish fulfillment nature of the story but admittedly there are some parts that really don’t work for me, there are some parts that fall a little flat either in terms of the characters or humor, and the pacing is a bit of a challenge tbh. but it’s unbelievable what the human brain can overcome by virtue of simply Just Liking That Guy
#idk i just like that guy#obviously i’m a loser girl enjoyer but i have some qualms about how infantilized patty is throughout the script#it must be said i worry how much of the wish fulfillment thing is about guys wanting to date fairly naive young women who don’t know things#and who are ‘innocent’ and easy to take advantage of etc#but i also think that a LOT of the wish fulfillment thing is being a young woman in the world for the first time#feeling unsure about how you make sense of the world and your place in it#feeling pretty inexperienced wrt intimacy etc#and having someone see you very clearly for who you are and not caring about you figuring your shit out#and just liking you and wanting to be with you and thinking the stuff that makes you a freaky little weirdo is rad af#so like simon’s narrative role ends up being WAY more mpdg than patty’s and that actually saves the movie for me lol#anyway sorryyyyy for turning into a kyle gallner fan blog. frankly predictable behavior from tumblr user ‘devilsskettle’ though tbqh#also this movie is like. if may from may (2002) grew up in a healthy family and found somebody who could match her energy#instead of that asshole poser she gets involved with#so good for her. definitely part of the weird girl cinematic universe#honestly feels like a movie that should’ve come out in 2002 instead of 2020
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ppl who neglect their cats and leave them outside will be like "we literally domesticated cats they used to be WILD and UNTAMED and so they should live outside!!!!!!" .....................what do you think domestication is all about like did you forget that before you finished the sentence or
#its like the number one thing i see is like#ohh you cant keep a cat inside because theyre wild and they get bored and they hate it#and its like#im sorry you had a really bored and understimulated and therefore asshole cat as a child#but that doesnt mean all cats are killing themselves over being kept inside#cats through domestication have BECOME indoor animals. who fully rely on humans#yes cats CAN survive outside but not without being an invasive species in most places and shortening their lifespan by 10+ years#they literally need humans to live#if you dont want to have a cat in your house then. do not. get a cat#?#like if youre listing the reasons you keep your cat outside and those include things like#claws. litterbox. meowing. blah blah blah#you are just describing vital aspects to cat ownership. dont get a fucking dog and then throw it out cuz it has fur do you ?#sorry it just makes me so genuinely mad how normalized cat neglect is and the people doing it insist YOU are the bad one for#actually taking care of the animal you got#simon says
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