#silly batfam

[on-the-clear-blue]

Batfam playing dnd cus why not

Tim, the dm because fuck Bruce being it: I swear to God Damian, for the fifth time, no you can not be a half Demon half Angle assassin that is 20th level, we are starting at level two and just pick from the common races!

Damian, crossing his arms: than I shall play a 'teefling' and I demand to the Rouge, Drake.

Tim: Well tough shit brat, Steph already chose that, be a paladin so Bruce can't take it.

Damian: Tt I shall kill brown and take my rightful class...but for now I shall play a paladin.

---

Tim: Cass, honey, darling. Sweet summer child...what?

Cass, grinning ear to ear :roll to seduce dragon?

Tim:

Cass:

Tim:

Cass, playing a bard: ;3

---

Dick: okay so I hope up on the table, over this guy and then try and hit the big bandit dude?

Tim, questioning God as why he was born: Dick. Your playing a Barbarian. You have a dex bonus of 2.

---

Jason: Alphandrill the wise will draw her oaken wand, it was taken from the same tree her grand father planted many centuries ago that was stuck by lighting, wielding it with determination, she points it at the bandit leader and shoots out a blast of molten flames! They glimmer with a sparkle of electricity as it strikes out against him!

Jason: does a 12 hit?

Tim, so done with this: no

---

Bruce: okay so I just roll right? With the...short sword?

Tim: ur actually Batman how is dnd stumping you.

Bruce: I played second edition growing up with Harvey and Ollie, I hardly ever got past the first fight

(Que Bruce having Vietnam flashbacks to his carefully crafted characters dying in the grind stone that was Dnd 2e)

---

Tim: Thanks for joining Alfred, I know that you probably don't even know how to play but it's making Bruce really happy to have everyone together

Alfred, who was an actor for so many years: worry not master Tim, I think this old dog can show you pups a few tricks~

(Alfred pulls out a pre-made mini, it's made out of bat grade materials, he knows the rules front to back)

---

Duke: this...is a lot? Tim I have Dm'ed a bit if you want me to...why are you looking at me like that.

Tim, frothing at the mouth: you...you wanna take over? Does this mean...I can play?

Duke, seriously reconditioning becoming apart of the wanye family: y-yes?

Forever Dm Tim: sweet baby Batman your going to get fucked Duke, but thank you so much for this...

[jukinthebox]

teaching robin the essentials

full view ⬇️

[everwalldigan]

Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.

This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.

Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?

Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?

He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.

Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.

Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.

Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??

Bruce, sighing: Dick-

Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(

Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY

Meanwhile:

Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad

He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling

Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?

Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!

Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem

[ditzybat]

i love the headcannon that both tim and cass look scarily alike, to the point they could be twins.

like they both share the same general lithe build, they’re the same short height, cass has a short bob while tim has his baby mullet, their training is similar due to their backgrounds with lady shiva and the loa, and (depending on your headcanon) both waisan- so i can definitely see instances where they’re confused for each other or where they mess with everyone around them.

cass on patrol in red robin gear so tim can go on a date with bernard:

random thugs seconds away from being one hit k.o’d: yo since when did red robin start melting into the shadows like an eldritch horror?

jason: hey tim -

cass: wrong.

jason: no, im pretty sure you’re tim, i gave you that scar right there in your neck

cass: nu-uh, this is from cain

jason:

cass:

jason: well this got awkward…

steph hugging tim from behind: hey babe

tim: wrong wayne

steph: ew, i should’ve known, your ass isnt nearly as —

tim walking away with his fingers in his ears: lalalalala im not listening to you

damian: i think you’re the only one in this family i respect

tim who has been silently hanging out with him for the past 3 hours: aw thanks damian, i’ve come to love you like a brother too

damian: drake? i thought you were cassandra, my apologies, i retract my previous statement

tim: don’t care, you love me, don’t try to deny it

lady shiva hugging both tim and cass: my beautiful twins, such well trained weapons, unfortunate that you both ended up with cain

bruce pulling his children back: tim isnt yours…

shiva: well that cant be right, he’s s the spitting image of my sister carolyn, and that birth was far too painful to only produce one small child

tim: woah full circle, my drag-sona is called caroline, maybe you are my mom, i wouldn’t put it past janet drake to adopt

bruce: tim no, you’re not even the same type of asian

cass: too late, we’re blood

shiva: see!

[crowiin]

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[robinsleeping]

Low resolution Batfam

[mochioartzzz]

Me too, Tim. Me too.

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Places To Sleep

I've seen many fics and prompts with Homeless Danny, and I've just had a thought: what's the safest place to sleep at night when you a) don't have a home, b) can turn intangible and invisible, and c) are not afraid of mortals' justice system since you're dead and it doesn't really apply to you?

Cop cars.

Cops patrol the streets at night, but really, they mostly just pick a place and stay there until something happens, right? (I mean, I think that's right, I'm not very educated on the matter)

So, say Danny is in Gotham, and he needs a place to sleep, but it's the most crime-ridden city in the world, and sleeping out in the streets is cold and uncomfortable. And sure, he can climb into any car, but he chooses the cop car because, first, it's got a radio, so if the cops get any alerts about him (you can't tell me that GIW wouldn't use the help of local police, they are government agents after all), he will hear it first. Second, it's warm and cozy and soft. Third, and the most important: no one is going to look for him there! It's like hiding in plain sight but even better.

Or, well, it is, until one night the cop car he is sleeping in gets dispatched to some crime scene along with about a dozen others, and it turns out to be some trafficking rink that got busted or whatnot, and there are a lot of people who need to be taken to the GCPD station. So Danny, sleepy and grumpy because he was suddenly woken up, searches for the first still running but empty car, while staying invisible and intangible, and when he finds it, he just crashes in the back seat.

He is very surprised a few minutes later when the motherfucking Batman jumps in the front seat, and at least three of his sidekicks are trying to squeeze themselves in the back.

The Bats are even more surprised when they find a random teenager flickering in and out of visibility in the back seat of Batmobile, his eyes wide as saucers and Lazarus green.

[dianna-knst]

A funny little Hood I made for a friend!

[vivianthepigeon]

Tim: “I need to tell you something”

Bruce: “What did you do??”

Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”

Bruce: “what did you do???”

Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”

Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”

Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”

—————

Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“

Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”

Jason: “I got a DUI”

Bruce: “Jason!”

Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”

Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”

Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”

Bruce: “I don’t follow.”

Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”

Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”

—————

Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”

Jason: “He knows.”

Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”

[lalaooopsie]

Jason having his priorities straight fr

The most based character of all time

[jonjaydami]

How hilarious would it be if there was a superbat timeline or fic that was just all the kids thinking that Bruce and Clark were dating for years but just lived separately due to work and how stubborn they both were. Cause it's not like Bruce could move in with Clark in his tiny apartment.

But they also know Clark is a man with values and knows he wouldnt just want to be a "trophy" husband so they full on believe for the sake of everything they were already married in private and full on treat them like a couple and the beautiful idiots they are just play along cause they think the kids are joking. They are not.

"B-but Bruce! I already told Steph I was going to go on patrol tonight"

Bruce sighs. Pinching his brows together.

"Tim you broke your wrist I can't let you go out"

"Well...I'll just ask clark!"

"No you can't"

Tim already calling him.

Clark: hello?

Tim: I want to go out on patrol. Can I?

Clark: what did Bruce say?

Tim: *pouting cause he knows he won't get away with it* he said no

Clark: hand Bruce the phone

I think the opportunities here are limitless. The shenanigans the bat family would commit and not to mention the artificial cherry on top is superbat. Someone can use this as inspiration to write it out or maybe I will write a one shot about it later. But if someone would be open to debating this idea or even dropping more onto dm me!!

[everwalldigan]

I love the fact that Alfred’s preferred method of communication is through food (if he’s mad at you he’ll make your least favourite food, maybe burn it a little on “accident” and if he’s concerned or proud he’ll make a special favourite etc etc) so that got me thinking… Bruce grew up with that way of communication and since brooding is effectively off the table cause hes always brooding, what would be passive aggressive ways he’ll show that he’s pissed off with somebody?

Bruce: *while handing out comm links he hands Tim the one that is most uncomfortable (it’s a tiny bit bigger in size than the others and He Can Feel It)*

Tim: seriously Bruce? You’re still mad about the Batmobile thing?

Bruce: *brooding intensifies*

Bruce: *giving out areas to patrol and gives dick his least favourite part of Gotham*

Dick: BRUCE PLEASE IVE BEEN PATROLLING THAT AREA FOR WEEKS NOW IM SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED OFF YOUR “VERY IMPORTANT” DOCUMENTS OK??

Bruce: I’ll give you another area to patrol when my formerly perfectly kept folder is as NEAT AS IT USED TO BE!

Dick: ONLY ONE PAPER GOT A LITTLE DIRT ON IT AND ITS ALL INTELLIGIBLE!

Bruce: YOU CANT EVEN TELL IF ITS AN UPPERCASE i OR A LOWERCASE L ANYMORE! THATS A SECURITY RISK!

Bruce: *handing out protein bars during a quieter night and gives Jason a slightly smushed one*

Jason: *takes it and sighs dramatically* you know, I slept so deeply yesterday that I thought I came back from the dead again but, well, it came with a little less pain and emotional manipulation so I-

Bruce: *scowling so hard his cowl almost breaks, takes the smushed protein bar from Jason and gives him his own perfect one instead*

Jason: *smiles innocently in Alfred’s favourite*

[ditzybat]

Dick: Hey Damian, when’s your birthday?

Freshly free from the league Damian: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Dick: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday?

[peculiardiction]

Canonically Tim isn’t addicted to coffee but this fucked up energy drink called “zesti” and I think it would taste disgusting, personally

Edit: OKAY! I now know it's not an energy drink!! I've obviously committed the biggest sin on the internet: not knowing a niche piece of information/lh