#silly batfam

[on-the-clear-blue]

Batfam playing dnd cus why not

Tim, the dm because fuck Bruce being it: I swear to God Damian, for the fifth time, no you can not be a half Demon half Angle assassin that is 20th level, we are starting at level two and just pick from the common races!

Damian, crossing his arms: than I shall play a 'teefling' and I demand to the Rouge, Drake.

Tim: Well tough shit brat, Steph already chose that, be a paladin so Bruce can't take it.

Damian: Tt I shall kill brown and take my rightful class...but for now I shall play a paladin.

---

Tim: Cass, honey, darling. Sweet summer child...what?

Cass, grinning ear to ear :roll to seduce dragon?

Tim:

Cass:

Tim:

Cass, playing a bard: ;3

---

Dick: okay so I hope up on the table, over this guy and then try and hit the big bandit dude?

Tim, questioning God as why he was born: Dick. Your playing a Barbarian. You have a dex bonus of 2.

---

Jason: Alphandrill the wise will draw her oaken wand, it was taken from the same tree her grand father planted many centuries ago that was stuck by lighting, wielding it with determination, she points it at the bandit leader and shoots out a blast of molten flames! They glimmer with a sparkle of electricity as it strikes out against him!

Jason: does a 12 hit?

Tim, so done with this: no

---

Bruce: okay so I just roll right? With the...short sword?

Tim: ur actually Batman how is dnd stumping you.

Bruce: I played second edition growing up with Harvey and Ollie, I hardly ever got past the first fight

(Que Bruce having Vietnam flashbacks to his carefully crafted characters dying in the grind stone that was Dnd 2e)

---

Tim: Thanks for joining Alfred, I know that you probably don't even know how to play but it's making Bruce really happy to have everyone together

Alfred, who was an actor for so many years: worry not master Tim, I think this old dog can show you pups a few tricks~

(Alfred pulls out a pre-made mini, it's made out of bat grade materials, he knows the rules front to back)

---

Duke: this...is a lot? Tim I have Dm'ed a bit if you want me to...why are you looking at me like that.

Tim, frothing at the mouth: you...you wanna take over? Does this mean...I can play?

Duke, seriously reconditioning becoming apart of the wanye family: y-yes?

Forever Dm Tim: sweet baby Batman your going to get fucked Duke, but thank you so much for this...

[arttuff]

pay attention to him NOW

[everwalldigan]

I love the fact that Alfred’s preferred method of communication is through food (if he’s mad at you he’ll make your least favourite food, maybe burn it a little on “accident” and if he’s concerned or proud he’ll make a special favourite etc etc) so that got me thinking… Bruce grew up with that way of communication and since brooding is effectively off the table cause hes always brooding, what would be passive aggressive ways he’ll show that he’s pissed off with somebody?

Bruce: *while handing out comm links he hands Tim the one that is most uncomfortable (it’s a tiny bit bigger in size than the others and He Can Feel It)*

Tim: seriously Bruce? You’re still mad about the Batmobile thing?

Bruce: *brooding intensifies*

Bruce: *giving out areas to patrol and gives dick his least favourite part of Gotham*

Dick: BRUCE PLEASE IVE BEEN PATROLLING THAT AREA FOR WEEKS NOW IM SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED OFF YOUR “VERY IMPORTANT” DOCUMENTS OK??

Bruce: I’ll give you another area to patrol when my formerly perfectly kept folder is as NEAT AS IT USED TO BE!

Dick: ONLY ONE PAPER GOT A LITTLE DIRT ON IT AND ITS ALL INTELLIGIBLE!

Bruce: YOU CANT EVEN TELL IF ITS AN UPPERCASE i OR A LOWERCASE L ANYMORE! THATS A SECURITY RISK!

Bruce: *handing out protein bars during a quieter night and gives Jason a slightly smushed one*

Jason: *takes it and sighs dramatically* you know, I slept so deeply yesterday that I thought I came back from the dead again but, well, it came with a little less pain and emotional manipulation so I-

Bruce: *scowling so hard his cowl almost breaks, takes the smushed protein bar from Jason and gives him his own perfect one instead*

Jason: *smiles innocently in Alfred’s favourite*

[ditzybat]

i love the headcannon that both tim and cass look scarily alike, to the point they could be twins.

like they both share the same general lithe build, they’re the same short height, cass has a short bob while tim has his baby mullet, their training is similar due to their backgrounds with lady shiva and the loa, and (depending on your headcanon) both waisan- so i can definitely see instances where they’re confused for each other or where they mess with everyone around them.

cass on patrol in red robin gear so tim can go on a date with bernard:

random thugs seconds away from being one hit k.o’d: yo since when did red robin start melting into the shadows like an eldritch horror?

jason: hey tim -

cass: wrong.

jason: no, im pretty sure you’re tim, i gave you that scar right there in your neck

cass: nu-uh, this is from cain

jason:

cass:

jason: well this got awkward…

steph hugging tim from behind: hey babe

tim: wrong wayne

steph: ew, i should’ve known, your ass isnt nearly as —

tim walking away with his fingers in his ears: lalalalala im not listening to you

damian: i think you’re the only one in this family i respect

tim who has been silently hanging out with him for the past 3 hours: aw thanks damian, i’ve come to love you like a brother too

damian: drake? i thought you were cassandra, my apologies, i retract my previous statement

tim: don’t care, you love me, don’t try to deny it

lady shiva hugging both tim and cass: my beautiful twins, such well trained weapons, unfortunate that you both ended up with cain

bruce pulling his children back: tim isnt yours…

shiva: well that cant be right, he’s s the spitting image of my sister carolyn, and that birth was far too painful to only produce one small child

tim: woah full circle, my drag-sona is called caroline, maybe you are my mom, i wouldn’t put it past janet drake to adopt

bruce: tim no, you’re not even the same type of asian

cass: too late, we’re blood

shiva: see!

[crowiin]

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[robinsleeping]

Low resolution Batfam

[dianna-knst]

A funny little Hood I made for a friend!

[vivianthepigeon]

Tim: “I need to tell you something”

Bruce: “What did you do??”

Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”

Bruce: “what did you do???”

Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”

Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”

Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”

—————

Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“

Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”

Jason: “I got a DUI”

Bruce: “Jason!”

Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”

Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”

Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”

Bruce: “I don’t follow.”

Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”

Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”

—————

Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”

Jason: “He knows.”

Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”

[mochioartzzz]

Me too, Tim. Me too.

[arttuff]

get that outta your mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[peculiardiction]

Canonically Tim isn’t addicted to coffee but this fucked up energy drink called “zesti” and I think it would taste disgusting, personally

Edit: OKAY! I now know it's not an energy drink!! I've obviously committed the biggest sin on the internet: not knowing a niche piece of information/lh

[everwalldigan]

Dick: were you even a Robin if you haven’t climbed up Bruce and sat on his shoulders?

(Later)

Bruce: Hello Damia- What are you doing??

Damian (arms crossed sitting on Bruce’s shoulders): fulfilling my duties as Robin, what does it look like I’m doing?

[ditzybat]

Dick: Hey Damian, when’s your birthday?

Freshly free from the league Damian: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Dick: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday?

[jonjaydami]

How hilarious would it be if there was a superbat timeline or fic that was just all the kids thinking that Bruce and Clark were dating for years but just lived separately due to work and how stubborn they both were. Cause it's not like Bruce could move in with Clark in his tiny apartment.

But they also know Clark is a man with values and knows he wouldnt just want to be a "trophy" husband so they full on believe for the sake of everything they were already married in private and full on treat them like a couple and the beautiful idiots they are just play along cause they think the kids are joking. They are not.

"B-but Bruce! I already told Steph I was going to go on patrol tonight"

Bruce sighs. Pinching his brows together.

"Tim you broke your wrist I can't let you go out"

"Well...I'll just ask clark!"

"No you can't"

Tim already calling him.

Clark: hello?

Tim: I want to go out on patrol. Can I?

Clark: what did Bruce say?

Tim: *pouting cause he knows he won't get away with it* he said no

Clark: hand Bruce the phone

I think the opportunities here are limitless. The shenanigans the bat family would commit and not to mention the artificial cherry on top is superbat. Someone can use this as inspiration to write it out or maybe I will write a one shot about it later. But if someone would be open to debating this idea or even dropping more onto dm me!!

[tiger-grace]

I think that Jason’s blood being green after the pit would be funny because he would absolutely not explain ANY of it to the heroes outside of his family

in a JL fight, Jason getting stabbed:

Flash: holy crap dude are you good?? ..wait

Jason: …

Flash: …

Jason: too much monster energy