#she was like I DIDNT EVEN KNOW SHE COULD STAY

[sidetongue]

yOU KNOW ITS NOT THE SAME AS IT WASSSS

[absolutelyzoned]

i NEED to yap about personal shit i gotta get it out there somewhere

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[theladyfae]

i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶

[mar64ds]

I would like to write down my own experience with lovelessness, we all have a different one and talking about it might help me understand it better + might help non-loveless people understand better as well

For most of my life, I didn't really questionned if I felt love or not. It's just something I assumed I did, to me (and to mostly everyone) it was like questionning if the sky was blue. Everyone felt love, that's what we all do, you see it on movies all the time, you see it at school, you see it in families (be it your own or others). I grew up with a mother that REALLY really valued love, it's the center of it all for her, which it's its own can of worms considering what kind of mother she turned up to be. She told me and my brother that she loved us every single day multiple times, I have never doubted that I was loved.

I was a very distant kid that enjoyed playing alone and being alone, but growing up I became very insecure about it and desesperatly wanted friends just to not be seen as the weird lonely classmate. I made some school friends, but either didn't last long or were very shallow friendships. My only long lasting friend is a neighbor of mine and while I would like to have more friends, I have also come to realize that the idea of having many friends makes me feel a bit... overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed in fact. I like the idea of having friends you talk to sometimes and hang out sometimes, but the idea of talking to multiple people every day and hanging out with them almost everyday sounds exhausting.

But let's get back to the topic of love. I have never been the biggest fan of 'power of love' tropes. When I was a kid I thought it was corny and took me out of the story. I was a bigger fan of stories that were more comedic than anything else, there were some exceptions here and there (big fan of digimon for example), but overall I just didn't relate to feeling an intense amount of love for someone. I started liking stories about love as I grew older, but there was something in the back of my mind that I didn't pay attention to until much later

One day I truly started thinking about it. I started to think about how characters in stories feel love, how I perfectly understood how they feel love. Then I started thinking about myself. I started to think if I loved my mother, my brother, my friends. Keep in mind, I was very young and still wasn't aware how toxic my family was, and at the time I had friends in school. So I started thinking about it and realized that I didn't actually feel any love for anyone. It wasn't like how I saw on tv, I understood love in fictional characters, but I didn't feel anything for the people I was close to. I got really scared and told to myself that I was just overthinking stuff and let it go.

From time to time, the thought returned and I continued to try to ignore it. I felt like a horrible person everytime I thought about it. With my family it was understandable as I realized that, well, my family is terrible. But with friends it felt cruel. I wanted to have friends, I have a good friend, how can I not actually feel anything? It felt evil and selfish.

I told to myself that I definitely do feel love and if I thought I didn't I just had to convince myself that I did. That it's also possible no one really 'feels' love and it's just a word we use for people we are close with and care about. Yep, that's totally what it is

I realized I was aro but I have talked about that already. Later on I found out about lovelessness. I read more about it and wanted to include it when I talked about aspec stuff, loveless people were very mistreated and misunderstood even inside the community. I care a lot about aspec issues, lovelessness felt like a big thing I had to care about, I challenged the way I see emotions and love and relationships, it gave me a lot to think about.

With time, lovelessness felt very very comforting. Those scary moments where I thought I was evil and crazy wouldnt have been scary if I knew not feeling love was normal and okay. Lovelessness is also comforting when I have to confront my very love-centered abusive mother. It's good to talk about how love isn't everything when we talk about abusers that use love as a way to come across as sympathetic and well-intentioned. Lovelessness felt sincere to me, love has felt forced and fake to me for the longest time, the possibility of someone that doesn't love but cares about others felt the most sincere thing ever for me. It felt more precious to me that someone is there for you over wether they love you or not.

I decided very recently to try out the label, I consider myself in the loveless spectrum, I'm not 100% sure if my love flunctuates and sometimes I may feel it, I genuinely have no clue. But I KNOW there are plenty of times where I don't feel it. Lovelessness has become a very important part of my life and myself. It makes me think a lot about life and relationships. It makes me happier. But it's also difficult given the fact that this is a very love-obsessed world. Which is why I want to acknowledge lovelessness more and more.

To me, it's true that love doesn't have one definition, it's going to mean something different for everyone. But some of us prefer to stop identifying with the word altogether. Maybe for your own definition of love that makes no sense, but we dont all have the same definition, remember that.

To me love is an emotion I don't really relate with and don't feel most of the time, if at all. I'm someone that wants to have some close friends but does not really want to be surrounded by too many people too much. I'm 100% non-partnerning as well. Love is not really important to me, I don't see it as something important or something to value people over. Toxic love is something I'm very familiar with and it has taught me that love really isn't everything.

Some might say my lovelessness comes from trauma, and while that's the case for many for me is highly unlikely. I already didn't feel love before realizing there was something wrong in my family. But my lovelessness definitely helps when I have to face my abusive mother

Lovelessness is super important to me. I could and will talk more about what it feels to me, hopefully my own perspective can help someone else!

[vaugarde]

pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:

the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon

to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)

the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon

pretty much everything about that gible

blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)

boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen

pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character

[berryblu-soda]

Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

[jazzistic]

Nesta doesn't save Feyre at the end of acosf AU

Everything is the same up until the last minute, maybe Nesta is too late or smth, either way Feyre dies on childbirth, Feysand's death pact kicks in and Rhys dies too. Cliffhanger!

No idea what happens in hofas but Nesta is acting suspicious the entire time until its revealed she's trying to bring Feyre (and Rhysand ig) back. Azriel is there too idk idc

Second Nesta book, post-hofas, Nessian is a SituationshipTM and the NC is in shambles. Nesta is obsessed in bringing Feyre back to life and Cassian is... not. Idk maybe Rhysand asked him for it before dying, but now all Cassian cares about is protecting Nyx and the NC, he doesn't believe in Nesta's mission and is busy making sure Beron or someone else doesn't invade or smth.

Honestly, I imagine this book being more Nesta and Mor-centric rather than anything. Mor has to step in as a regent and deal with Keir and the CoN. Nesta is off in her own Orpheus and Eurydice mission, maybe with Ember bc I like her.

In the end Mor confronts her past and deals with her father, maybe strikes an alliance with Eris, and Nesta... fails. She goes to Fae Underworld and finds Feysand, she makes a deal and tries bringing Feyre back to life but she has to not look back yadda yadda point is, Feyre and Nesta have a heart to heart, there's screaming and crying and hate and love and the walk goes on forever, the hallways so, so dark; Nesta can't make sense of what she sees in front of her, doesn't know if she even is seeing something, it feels like days and weeks and minutes, seconds, really, so long and so quick. Hunger and thirst aren't really a thing down there, it seems like nothing is, everything feels so... otherworldly. Like she is drunk on happiness. But every so often there comes dread, and she clutches against her sister's hand, says one thing or other, talks and talks and talks and... Listens? Is Feyre saying something? The wind whistles by, deafening everything else. Or does it? Is there any sound but the wind? When has Feyre stopped talking? Did she ever start?

The weight on her hand becomes less of a comfort and more of a mockery. She doesn't know if it really is there, can't make out whether the sweat on her palm is hers or her sister's, can't say whether the footsteps she hears is Feyre's or- No, it's hers. It has to be. They said it was her sister, they promised her, she only needs to walk a bit more, be brave only for a while more. She can do it; she will do it.

Nesta walks. She walks and she stumbles and whenever she falls, she gets up and walks again. Feyre is behind her. "Just a little more," she says. "I'm behind you," she says - but who is she?

Nesta walks.

She doesn't know for how long, but she walks. And when she sees the light of day pooling on this dreadful abyss, she doesn't have any more tears to cry - so she laughs. Nesta runs, pulling her sister's hand, almost jumping towards the light, and when she turns back-

Feyre is there. Their hands are connected, her sister looking just as she remembered, not the way she looked when she lost her, but just... Feyre. The brightest star in the night sky, shining amongst the darkness.

"Nesta..." she says. "Thank you."

And just like a star, she disappears in the daylight.

[biillys]

something about when el went into void and found billy, she saw him on the beach surrounded by sunshine and love and truly fucking actually happy. something about how when she turned around and saw the storm, she put her hands out and felt the ash falling from the sky, and then saw neil abusing billy and abusing his wife. something about how even in the monstrous world from another entire dimension, neil's still the fucking monster in the story

[aroacettorney]

dont mind me. im simply just putting together a ludgercasey angst collection.

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[kitaava]

trigger warning. do not read if you dont want to read something triggering.

[sluckythewizard]

SHHH SH HEYYY HEY DONT TELL ANYONE BUT... ive been workin on smth since BITB came out..... itsa lil musical animatic involvin kian and becky.... ITS NO WHERE NEAR DONE YET but loooook look im puttin lil screenshots under the cut. its supposed to go along with Am I In Heaven? by King Gizzard n the Lizard Wizard. infact yknow what cmere come sit with be bc ALOT of songs from the 'IM IN YOUR MIND FUZZ' album makes me think about becky and kian. oh my god. those two make me so damn emotional. like Her and I was the first one to rly resonate with me, and EMPTY was another good one, all just stuff about. yknow LOVE!! doomed by the narrative yet burning SO SO brightly in its last moments, holding hands, playing music, THEY WERE SO IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT THE COPY OF THEM LOVED YOU, AND YOUR COPY LOVES THEM TOO. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CRUMBLING, BURNING, HISSING, SQUIRMING, MELTING, CLICKING LOVE STORY..

GET OVER HERE N SCREAM WITH MEEE I LOVE SCREAMING ABOUT THINGS

[bangcakes]

.

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

[another-faceless-girl]

why are pomegranates so related to my girlhood?????? i cant even speak about how much they feel like girl/womanhood to me