#i told him i didnt want to have sex again because it was getting late and i have work tomorrow

[kitaava]

trigger warning. do not read if you dont want to read something triggering.

[rafesslxt]

Showerhead | mattheo riddle

summary: you thought you were alone in the bathroom when your wild thoughts took over you but you suddenly hear a second voice.. and its not inside your head.

warnings: masturbating for a sec, cursing, filthy DIRTY TALK, fingering, mattheo eating out reader, unprotected p in v, enemyxlover vibe, gryffindor!reader

notes: DAMN I'M BACK! I'm sorry but I had a HUGE writing block. Also: english is not my first language so pls let me know If there'S something I can correct :)

My day was unbelievable fucked. I woke up too late, got detention because i talked to my friends while Snape was teaching us something, i spilled my food over my clothes.. twice.. after that I fell from my broomstick at the quidditch training and now i sat with Hermione, Ron and Harry in the Great Hall eating.

„Yo y/n can I copy your homework later? I got -" Ron startet but i interrupted him "Yeah yeah whatever.. guys I‘m gonna go to bed okay? See you after this." Hermione and me shared a room so I would see her later.

I rushed to our dorm, getting rid of my dirty clothes. God I needed a shower, now. I took my clothes, shower stuff and towels and started to walk towards one of the big bathrooms.

Because I wanted more privacy, I did go to one that not many students know about. Hermione once told me about it as she talked about Hogwarts in first grade.

As I walked inside, I checked If someone‘s here but I was alone. I took off my clothes and stood under one of the showers more in the corner and let the water run down my body. I sighed as I felt it on my skin, finally feeling more relaxed.

My thoughts started drifting after a while as my hands glided over my body. Damn my muscles are really sore. When was even the last time I had sex? I think it was like 3 months ago with a guy from Ravenclaw. He looked promising but merlin was I feeling disappointed after.

I couldn‘t even touch myself cause I was always around people, sharing rooms together and shit.

I bit my lip as I looked at that shower head above me. Nah I couldn‘t.. could I? Did I even have time? I mean I was in here already for like 20 minutes so I had to be in my room before curfew but god damn I was so desperate.

Oh fuck it – what is one more detention, right? I took the shower head, letting my other hand slowling wandering over my nipples. I whimpered slightly at the feeling, realising now how desperate I really was.

I took the shower head and put it where I needed it the most. My thoughts drifted again and I tried to think about someone but no face appeared until - fuck no, I can‘t think about him.. but before I could debate more with myself, his name left my lips.

"Fuck Mattheo.." my lips parted and my breathing got heavier. Merlin was I already about to cum? How pathetic, I didn‘t even touch myself properly but that kind of didn‘t matter as the next words left my mouth. "Shit.. please" i begged into the foggy air around me.

"Damn Princess.." My blood got cold and my body tensed to a point where I couldn‘t move. I swallowed as I opened my eyes and saw Mattheo Riddle standing right in front of me. The one who‘s name I just moaned.

I tried to hide my body behind my hands, a little too late. "Fuck Riddle what the hell are you doing here?!" I asked him angry. Once because I stood there completley naked and he didn‘t even tried not to look and second for my again – non existing orgasm.

He looked shamelessly over my body, scanning every inch of my skin. He had a towel hanging low on his hips, which didnt really helped the state i was in right now.

" I could ask you the same but I think I just heard what you did.." he smirked arrogant and looked at my face. "You know you could have just asked If you wanted my help."

I rolled my eyes at him as I took one of my towels from the side to hide my body but as I did I had to let go which leaded him to look at my breasts. I saw him licking his lips, looking up at my face again as I wrapped the towel around myself.

"Just because your name is Mattheo, doesn‘t mean I was thinking about you."

He grinned again, coming closer to me slowly. "Oh yeah? Then who did you mean?" I tried to think about an different Mattheo but there was no one in this school I knew with that name – besides him.

He just stood one inch away from me now, backing me into the shower again until my back hit the wall.

"Princess.. i know you did think about me, there‘s no shame in telling." I started nibbling on my bottom lip as a signal to being nervous. God he smelled so good and his face looked even more handsome now that the single drops of water fell onto his face from his still wet hair.

"And what If I was? Are you going to tell all your stupid little friends?" He chuckled "No.." his face came even closer now "just let me help you out with that." I swallowed down a clump in my troath as he said that. My pride was way too big for him to just come here and fuck me like that..right?

"Hell no I -" "Why not huh? I saw how desperate your little body looked as you just begged for more.. let me help you with that, I‘m gonna make you cum within the first minutes." Now his arrogant smile was back, his breath hitting my lips now.

"Yeah all of you boys say that, leaving me unsatisfied after." I huffed, looking away from his piercing eyes.

"Let‘s make a deal little one.. I‘m gonna eat you out and If I don‘t make you cum within the, lets say: five minutes? I‘ll leave and never bother you again.."

I looked at his lips while he was talking. They looked so soft and kissable – fuck was I really considering what he said? I mean he‘s a Riddle and a stupid little fucker but maybe that‘s just what I needed right now. Stupid little Fucker named Mattheo Riddle.

"And what If you make me cum?" i looked up at his eyes again. He towered his head over mine grinning, coming down to my ear and whispered "..then you‘re mine for the night." He smiled almost devilish and I know I should‘ve said no but damn 3 months were starting to get the best of me.

"Deal." It felt like as If I just signed up for the devil. His smile grew at my words and he pushed me against the wall this time, unwrapping the towel i just put on.

"Damn your body looks so good, just perfect for me to eat." Shivers went down my spine at his words right towards my - " I hope you know what you just got yourself into." Suddenly he took me by my hips, lifting me up against the wall again as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

"It‘s kind of unfair that you still have your towel on, don‘t you think?“ "Oh don‘t worry princess, it‘s coming off very soon."

He took one hand away from supporting my ass, to my cheek. He looked deep into my eyes, almost staring into my soul. He closed the gap between us, kissing me like no boy ever did before in my whole life. The kiss was passionate, heated and longing. Almost as If we would seperate, we couldn‘t breathe.

I felt the tip of his tounge slide over my bottom lip which made me moan slightly. He smiled against my lips and pressed himself harder against me.

I opened my mouth slowly, which he took as a opportunity to explore my mouth with his tounge fighting over control with mine.

He let go of my lips what almost costed me a whimper but I pressed my lips together. He took me by my hips again, lifting me higher until I sat on his shoulders, my eyes going wide. Damn I don‘t think I need 5 minutes.

"You ready?" he mumbled against my inner tight he started kissing softly with his wet lips. I just let out a deep breathe and nodded, putting my hands on his hair.

He started kissing higher up until his mouth was just an inch away from my pussy. "5 Minutes are alredy starting" I chocked out, but in reality I just wanted him so start.

I could feel him grinning like an little ass but these thoughts were thrown out of the window as his tounge touched my clit.

I held in my breathe for a second as he started to kitten lick my clit and massaging my tights with his hands. I buckled against his face but he was faster and backed away. I let out a desperate whine at the loss of contact.

"Beg me.." he told me looking up at me with his chocolate brown eyes. Shit who was I even to deny that? Now wasn‘t really the moment for too much pride. "Please.." He raised his eyebrows " Please what?" "Please eat me out Mattheo, I need it - please.."

Satisfied with my answer he licked flat over my pussy, focusing on my clit again as he started to suck it. "Oh my-" my lips parted and my hands flew into his hair again, pressing his face deeper between my legs.

"Fuck that feels good" i moaned and arched my back off the wall as I felt something deep down in my stomach. Shit he didn‘t even do much but give my clit some attention - really good attention - and I was already close again.

I felt his hand going under my tight and his thumb being places on my clit. He moved his finger in circular motions, sliding his tounge to by entrance, fucking me with it.

"M-mattheo please!“ shamelessly i bucked my hips and cried out his name.

"You close baby?" he asked, mumbling against my wet skin. I just nodded breathless until I felt a sharp and powerful feeling in my abdomen.

It completely crushed me. Everything around me went black for a few seconds and I couldnt hear anything. I just came so hard on Mattheo‘s tounge that I didn‘t even realise where I was for a short moment.

I looked down on me, looking in Mattheo‘s eyes, already looking at me. "You taste so good baby."

He slowly lets me down again but holds me as we both notice how weak my knees are. "Damn I didnt expect that.." i breathe out and look at his lips, still glistening from my juices.

"I think you lost our deal.." he grinned and startet slowly kissing my neck. I chuckle, nodding just slowly, thinking about how much I actually want him and not caring about the fact that I lost.

"..but you don‘t really seem to care huh." he grins and slowly rubs my back before turning me around so I faced the wall. "Hands on the wall baby." No matter what he said, I always heard him smiling. Smug little ass. "Spread your legs princess, that's it.. wider." My stomach twisted at his vulgar words, never ever did a boy talk to me like that.

I did as he said, spread my legs even wider while my hands touched the cold wall. "Hmm now arch your back for me."

I felt his hands slither around my waist down to my lover stomach. Every touch of his send shivers down my spine. Suddenly, I felt his breath against my ear, his lips kissing the shell of it as he murmurs with a deep voice. "I'm going to fuck every last thought out of this pretty little head." "Stop teasing me and do it!"

He chuckles darkly and I feel the tips of his fingers wandering slowly over my pussy. "Do you really think you're in a position to give orders?" Goosebumps.

As I didn't answer him he lightly brushed his finger over my clit, making me shiver again, while brushing soft kisses across my back.

"Please." I let out a whimper, arching my back just a little more and pushing my hips into his body. Then, I felt him at my entrance, pressing the tip of his cock against my clit, just where his fingers had been a second ago.

"Beg. Fucking let me hear how much you want this cock." he whispers into my ear, his hot breath hitting my ear. My whole body shudders and I can't help it but do as he tells me to.

"Mattheo please I need you. I need to feel you, I'll do anything." I feel myself almost crying from the frustration and arousal. "Good Girl." he groans before he slowly enters me. Fuck.

"Oh Shit baby, you feel so tight." Mattheo grunted shamelessly as my walls clenched around him. My breathing got heavy and I bite my bottom lip to hide my moans.

"Don't hold back." he commands and just so, I let my lip go and whimper out his name.

"Hmm just like that princess." He pushes further inside of me, groaning at the feeling. I feel so full of him, I can't think straight besides of him and how good he feels.

Abruptly he started moving his hips fast an hard against my ass, leaving my mouth hanging wide open. " Oh fuck, Mattheo!" I cried out at the sensation. His hand started to wander up and down my body, over my back, my stomach, my tits - playing with my nipples.

"What, you want gentle? Wrong fucking address." God where has he been all these months? It feels like he just fills that hole inside of me - literally.

I hear him panting behind me, not slowing down with the movement of his hips. "Shit I would've fucked you way sooner If knew you had such a tight little pussy, just waiting for me to come and fuck it sore."

I hiss as he takes my hair into his fist and yanks my head backwards so It would lay against his shoulder while my back is still arched and he presses me against him. My hands roam over his arm that holds me in the middle of my body and I close my eyes. I'm definitely gonna be sore tomorrow.

I felt him changing the angle of his hips a little and my eyes almost bulged out of my head. "Oh my god!" I almost scream, forgetting that someone could hear us, even tho not many know about this bathroom. "Fuck yes, I feel you clenching around me princess. Does that feel good hm?" he teases and bites my neck gently.

Words coiled inside my throat, coming out as broken sobs, telling him I'm wanting more. "You're still holding back, just let go."

So I screamed his name again, over and over again, until I felt a sharp pang in my stomach. His hand let go of my body, his second hand still in my hair. He grabbed the shower head and turned the pressure higher before he holded it right against my clit.

I was a whimpering and sobbing mess at this point, begging him to let me come. "Look at me. I wanna see you coming around my cock." He tugs at my hair and my eyes roll back to look into his, which gave me the rest I just needed to come.

Looking into his eyes made my walls clench around him again, leaving his mouth hanging wide open. "Shit.." he grunted and closed his eyes as his rhythm became more erratic. Just as I slowly came down from my high, I felt him pulling out of me and coming all over my back, spreading his hot cum.

"Fucking hell.." he breathed out and slowly let go of my hair and hanging the shower head back onto the wall after washing his cum off of my back. I turned around and looked up at him, smiling slightly.

"What? Did I fuck out all your negative energy?" he chuckled, pressing me against him again with one of his arms. I roll my eyes at his comment but still I couldn't hide my smile. "I have something for you.." he said, now he's smiling like a little devil.

I look at him confused which he answers me with his fingers in front of my mouth. I look down at them and gasp as I see his cum on them. "Come on, open up baby.." I didn't knew why but again I did as he said and parted my lips. He pushed his fingers inside my mouth and grins. "Suck them."

I started sucking on his fingers and swirling my tongue around them, tasting his salty cum. His eyes rolled back a little and I saw him shuddering for a moment. "Damn, you wanna suck my cock maybe?"

I did let go of them and chuckled as I pressed myself pass his body to wrap my towel around my wet body. " Maybe next time.."

"Oh so you wanna do this more often, huh?"

Oh and how we both didn't knew at that moment how often actually.

_______

Who wants a part 2? It's here!

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xoxo Sarah <3

[xhopelesslyromanticx]

A birkin bag for Y/n - Lando Norris x Horner! Reader

Masterlist

Warnings: sexual references, swearing, mentions of alcohol

summary: When Y/n‘s situationship gifts her a really expensive bag seemingly out of the blue it causes quite the talk in the paddock. Little does she know he‘s just trying to show everyone who she belongs to. (Inspired by the famous birkin bag scene in Gilmore Girls)

Lando was intrigued with you from day one. Literally from the get go. He remembers the first time he had bumped into you in the halls of his close friends home. He clearly remembers every second despite being hungover from the night before.

Your hands were jam packed with all kinds of crafting supplies that shattered on the ground, crayons spilling everywhere.

„Ah shit!“ the sleepy guy exclaimed as a small hand immediately slapped his shoulder. He looked at your face in shock. He was violently hungover from his late night celebraions with a certain three time world champion yet he had never seen such a beautiful thing.

„Shh!“ you whispered, him raising his brows questiongly „Penelope could hear you!“

Lando chuckled, as you started picking up all the crayons. He kneeled down grabbing some as well. He knew your face was somehow familiar. He couldn’t quite place it though. The freckles, the dimples and that hair.

„Babysitter?“ he asked mustering your face.

„Sort of.“ you nodded, shooting him an innocent yet friendly smile „Family friend.“

He hands you a blue crayon with a grin. You knew the grin probably made any girl weak in the knees and judging from the blonde woman you and little Penelope had watched stumble out of his room this morning while munching on your cereal, he knew as well.

„Well nice to meet you nanny.“

You cringe at the name before rolling your eyes „Nice to meet you to Lando.“

Lando had loved that. You hadn’t acted like you didnt know his name. You just didn’t care enough to pretend to ask. You smiled again before licking your lips and getting up. Hearing Penelope call your name. Y/n. What a name. He eatched you stumble away on that day, knowing he wanted to get to know you.

And he did. He learned very quickly,that you were in fact Horners daughter. Which was of course to his luck, because Christian loved him. So he showed up at family hosted events, made some apparences in the red bull motor home and before he knew it you spent the night at his.

Well it wasn‘t that easy. He had to do some convincing. But god Lando loved kissing you. He was addicted to it in fact. In every corner, whenever noone was watching his lips were on yours as he pressed you against the walls.

„Someone could see.“ you mumbled against his soft lips, slightly pressing your palms against his broad chest. Having to control youraelf from giving in.

„I don’t care.“ he chuckled his hands under your shirt rather quickly.

It was always like this. Sneaking around, yet most of the grid was aware off the little fling. But Lando had told you quite blank from day one; he didn’t do boyfriend and girlfriend. And having gotten out of a longer realitionship just months prior you were okay with that. You could do it, you thought. And it was fun for a minute. Exciting and new.

„No strings.“ you held out your little finger snd Lando rolled his eyes at the childish gesture. But he interwined his pinky with yours anyway after some hesitation. Laying on his hotelroom bed with your body next to his.

„No strings.“ he nodded. You smiled waiting for the next words before you raised your brows.

„You gotta say it.“ you exclaimed gesturing to your interwined hands.

„I don‘t want to.“ he groaned, his body pressing against yours as he was hovere above you.

„Okay.“ you nodded before turning around and crossing your arms „Then no sex.“

Lando chuckled pulling you into his body as he inhaled your scent „Fine.“

You smiled waiting to hear the words escape his lips as he pressed his lips against the crook of your neck „I pinky promise.“

Months passed like that. And it was fun for a moment. But reality eventually creeped back up. And as you were sat at brunch at your dads house back in England, having scrolled through endless pictures of Lando celebrating his podium in Silverstone the day prior. Including pictures of him with countless women. But you knew it was no fair. He could do whatever he wanted. Yet you somehow had gotten the sense that he maybe wasn’t sleeping around like that anymore. After all, you two saw eachother almost every week at least very two weeks. You just thought maybe it was heading somewhere, but clearly its wasn‘t.

It had been so easy. Life had been good. You had an internship at a sports paper back in Monaco. You were studying to be a journalist, meaning you weren’t necessairily location bound. And it allowed you to attend races. Which allowed you to see Lando. But not this race. You hsd promised Lando you‘d make it but cancelled last minute as you had to attend some stupid event in Monte Carlo. You had watched the race on the toilet, your phone in your hands the whole night. God you had been so proud once he had finished that crossing line. If only he knew how important he was to you. You think you might even have screamed a little when it was over. And of course you had immediately texted him. „Plan A babyyyy! so proud of you Lan, kisses and see you soon xx“

But there hadn‘t been any response. And seeing the pictures from the whole ordeal over the weekend you now understood why. While you had sat on the plan, still wearing your gown from the event he had been out and fooled around with lord knows who. You knew you had no right to be jealous or something. But you weren’t even jealous. You were just dissapointed, having expexted to be a little more important than that. But Lando was a player. He didn‘t do boyfriend/girlfriend.

You were so lost in your thoughts, not even having heard the front door open. Starkng at the perfectly arranged flowers your stepmom had on the wooden table. The whole house and every corner was so perfect, it made you think about how your dad really had a great woman by his side. She had made this place a home. Something it truly hadn’t been growing up there.

„Well good morning sweetheart!“ your fathers voice appeared behind you as your dad walked into the dining room where the brunch had been prepared.

Max and Kelly following behind him, having all drove out here to get some time off. The countryside the perfect place to do so. No people who‘d recognize you, not even in the little town nearby. And even if they did, they truly didn‘t care enough to bother you.

„Dad.“ you smiled getting up and hugging your father tightly, your arms wrapping stound his taller figure. Your dad quite suprised by the affectionate hug, as he held you close for some seconds; He immediately knew. From the second he saw you staring blankly at that wall just before to this desperate hug, something was wrong. He watched you greet everyone else with a somehow fake smile, including Max and Kelly who both hadn‘t seen you in some time as your job was keeping you really busy.

„What are you even doing back home?“ your dad later asked as everyone was eating.

„Well, I was suprised to to see her stumble in here this morning.“ Geri, your stepmom chuckled.

Max mustering you. He knew, he had seen the pictures. Well he had been there. Having told Lando if he was aware of the cameras on him as he was pushing his tounge down some girls throat. He even told some people to delete the photos. But people were drunk, plus Lando was famous. A deadly combination.

„What about Y/n, Lando?“

Max knew you two weren’t exactly offical. He had no idea what kind of realitionshipi it was. But he had seen you two. It was evident you both had feelings for eachother. So this was just stupid. It would hurt both of you. Especially you and Max thought of you like a little sister.

„Why should I care?“ Lando groaned sounding extremly cocky, making Max wanna puke. Lando scrunched his nose before he pushed past the dutch guy who just stood there baffled.

Now seeing your puffy eyes looking at everyone at the table. Max knew; you had seen the stupid pictures. You probably had flown out to England for Lando. And Lando had been an absolute idiot the past 24 hours.

„I wanted to suprise you.“ you whispered, lying to your dad. But your dad wasn’t stupid, he knew it probably had to do with a certain british boy who you seemingly had befriended ove the past few months. He had his concerns but you were a grown woman, he knew he shouldn’t get inbetween anything.So he just smiled before nodding „Well that’s nice. I‘m certainly surprised honey.“

The week passed quick. You spent some time with your siblings and Max and Kelly before saying your goodbyes again. Telling your dad you‘d see him in Hungary.

„Come to London please.“ You couldnt believe it. After three whole days of zero contact he had finally texted you. He didn‘t ask yet he clearly saw your instagram story showing you were back home. You wanted to text him, be mad and tell him how hurt you were. But you weren’t like this. Your weekend with your patents had made you realize you haf been raised better. Maybe you had lied to yourself. Maybe you couldn‘t do no strings attached. Maybe having standards was a good thing.

So you didn‘t respond. You told him a couple of days later; „sorry was busy, see you in hungary.“

It was the weekend before the Grand Prix you attended yet another absoluetly jam packed Gala event in Monaco. You were luckily not gonna be important next to all the stars and socialites there. So you put on some regular black dress, did your own hair and makeup before getting an uber there.

The evening was rather dull. But you‘d have to report on it for the paper next week so you had to stay for every second. You saw a couple if familiar faces, talked to some old family friends before admiring the beautiful hotel the thing was hosted at. The big chandeliers sparkling so brightly, you were bound to be mesmerized. It was then as you grabbed yet another glass of champagne when you turned around bumping into some guys chest.

„Oh. I‘m sorry!“ you exclaimed looking up at the familiar face. The blonde hair sitting ever so perfectly as the tailored suit sat on his broad shoulders. The tall guy shooting you a sly grin „You‘re fine my love dont worry.“

„Logan.“ you chuckled. Having seen the rookie a couple of times at least. But never really having spoken to him.

„Hello there.“ he waved awkwardly before induldging you in some small talk.

Logan was nice guy. Despite the internet making fun of him for his very american ways he was nice and polite. It started as nice chatters but somehow you two ended up at a corner at the empty bar, downing glass after glass of whatever alcoholic beverage the american ordered.

„So weird seeing you without Norris.“ he eventually bound up saying.

You scrunched your nose, a thing you always did but even more when you were drunk. If there was botox for that you might as well start young.

„Why is that weird?“ you giggle, your words coming out slower than usual as you kick your heels against the legs of the bar chair. Playing with the rim of your already empty champagne glass.

Logan looks down at you, seeing you nervously bounce your legs. He licks his lips, and if you weren‘t shitfaced you would have gotten the ick a long time ago. The guy was so obviously trying to flirt with you. Something you hated. Well except when Lando did it.

„Ah, I don‘t know I just thought he was your boyfriend?“

You burst out into laughter, causing some of the last people in there to look at you. Women being loud, something people clearly hated or were at least severly triggered by.

„What‘s so funny?“ Logan blushed looking around, kind of embarassed by the eyes on you. Lando would never be embarrassed. Yeah well Landos laugh was also way louder than yours.

„See…“ you catch your breath, before rolling your eyes and playfully punching his shoulder „Norris doesn’t do girlfriend boyfriend or boyfirend girfriend silly!“

Logan chuckled before his hand was placed on your upper thigh. It was like he had waited to hear that. It came so quick and at the most obvious time. The american guy leaned in towards you before whispering into your ear „You wanna head home?“

He smelled weird. No he actually smelled fine. He just didn’t smell like Lando. Lando smelled so perfect. Like your favorite smell ever.

Your heart ached for a second. This probably was good right? You had to do the whole multiple people thing. Lando was doing it. So you also had to.

„Why not?“

So you walked out the place with the blonde american. Not looking back once. Only what you didn‘t notice as you stumbled down the stairs with your heels in your hands was that, Arthur Leclerc who was Charles brother and Oscars best friend had waited for his girfriend outside when he spotted a very tipsy you get in a car with none other that Logan Sargeant.

The week passed rather quick and before you knew it you were sat on a plane towards Hungary. You were gonna arrive just in time for Qualifying. Heading straight from the airport to the paddock, having to change into a appropriate outfit at the airport toilet. Again. Low point.

It was a long taxi drive later that you made your way into the paddock, holding your recorder and noteclips. What you hadn’t known strutting, in there in your still perfectly white suit that could have used some ironing but no one’s perfect, that you actually had been the talk of the grid over the past two days.

Arthur Leclerc had a loose mouth. He had immediately texted Charles asking if Y/n Horner wasn’t involved with Lando Norris anymore. To which the older Leclerc responded that as far as he knew Lando and Y/n were somehow together all the time but not really exclusive. When Arthur dished the tea to him later the next day that he had seen you and Sargeant looking rather cozy with one another Charles immediately texted Carlos asking if there was trouble in heaven. The boys just loved gossip. And we all know who Carlos is best friends with.

On press day the ferrari driver asked his former teammate, right after getting of the panel „So Y/n’s really not as goody two shoes as we thought huh?“

Lando looked at him confused, he had just spent four days figuring what he had done to seemingly piss you off. No messages, the way you had stayed with your dad when you had promisef him to come to London. He missed you. He just couldn‘ admit that. No strings right? Plus he didn’t do boyfriend girlfriend.

„What do you mean? What about her?“

„Yeah well…“ Carlos chuckled awkwardly now spotting the very hot topic off his rumor talking to Oscar in the corner of the waiting room. Logan was showing Oscar something on his phone while the two youngest guys on the track waited for their turn to do interviews.

„Carlos, I don‘t have all day.“ Lando groaned, punching his friends shoulder „What about Y/n?“

Carlos contemplated for a second. He knew Lando was acting like he had no feelings for you but Carlos knew exactly that wasn‘t the case. He had after all been the one dragging the brit home after the silverstone afterparty. And the whole drive to the hotel the young Mclaren driver kept on talking about you and everything about you and everything about your looks and so on.

„Her eyes. Her hair, the way she scrunches her nose when shes confused.“ Lando slurred his head on Carlos lap as he was about to pass out „Y/n‘s just great. She- She is girlfriend material.“

„So Charles told me that Arthur told him. That last Saturday at some sort of Gala in Monaco, he spotted Y/n leaving with another driver…“

„What!“ Lando yelled immediately , causing everyone to look at him. Carlos hand covered his mouth, stopping him from screaming the place down. Shooting everyone an awkward smile as they continued their own thing with raised eyebrows.

„Shh!“ Carlos whispered as Lando looked at him in fury before removing the hand from his mouth.

„Don’t tell me to shush! Who the fuck did she leave with!“ he whisper yelled, and Carlos sighed. He really didn’t want any bad blood in between the grid to start because of him so he knew he couldn’t tell names:

„Well, Lando you two aren’t official so you dont really have the right to get mad at her.“ Carlos explained trying to sound reasonable. But Lando just raised his eyebrows holding up his hands clearly acting innocent as a lamb.

„Hold on! I‘m not mad at her! Im mad at whoever thinks its okay to take something that clearly belongs to me!“

Carlos chuckled. His friend sounded like a little kid in preschool who‘s toy was stolen. Guess that’s what love does to you „Lando first of all no one really knows if you two are offical or not…“

„I don‘t have to be offical with her, she‘s off limits for any other driver and they know it.“ he argues back and it actually makes so much sense in his head. Much more sense than it does to Carlos at least „If you don’t actually your car, I‘ll still never juste drive it.“

„But Y/n‘s not some bag Lando. You cant actually own her-„

„Thats it!“ Lando smiled and Carlos looked rather confused. He musters his seemingly insane friend who looked like he had just found the answer to lifes most profound question.

„What?“

„Im gonna get her a bag.“

You had just arrived at some food stand, grabbing a coffee and a bagle when a hand grabbed yours. You turned around looking up at the beautiful curly haired guy. Landos eyes looked at you as he had a huge grin on his face „Hey baby.“

„Lan.“ you stated, rather suprised by the bubbly greeting. Last time you had checked both of you were ignoring one another. But Lando didn‘t even give you any time, he put his hand on your back before guiding you towards the mclaren motorhome like he was on some sort of mission.

„What are you doing?“ you chuckled as he pulled you past security who grabbed your bagle and coffee as it was not allowed to bring food from outside. Rude. You looked Lando up and down as you followed him. He was already in race gear probably having to go on track any minute now.

The young guy didn’t say a word he just pulled you into his drivers room closing the door behind him quickly. Before he immediately smashes his lips against yours leaving you no choice but kiss him back. After a while you come to your senses as you push him off you “What‘s going on Lan?“

You missed this. But you weren’t naive, he was acting like you hadn‘t completely had zero contact over the last two weeks. Like he hadn’t ignored you for days after Silverstone. Lando pressed his lips together, his hands still on your waist. He looked like he was contemplating to say something but then shook his head.

„Baby.“ he whispered, his fingers digging into the material of your white blazer.

„Yes?“ you asked sounding rather hopeful. Maybe youw two were actually gonna talk for once.

Lando looked into your eyes before taking a deep breath „I got you something.“

He what? The brit now turned around and you looked at him dumbfounded. He walked over to the cabinet pulling out an orange paper bag. You furrowed your brows. Not understanding what on earth he was doing. He got you a present?

„Here.“ the brown haired handed you the big bag and you looked at him confused.

„It‘s not my birthday yet.“ you stated knowing your birthday was coming up soon. Maybe he had remembered wrong, wouldn’t be a suprise as he seemingly didn’t care where you had been the last two weeks.

„I know but just open it!“ he chuckled, sounding like an excited little boy. You can’t help but giggle nodding as you walk towards the table. You place the bag down pulling out an orange cotton bag. You look at Lando still lost before pulling out the inside. Holding a rathe big snd bright pink leather bag in your hand.

You scrunch your nose „A purse?“

„You dont like it?“ Lando looks panicked and you get even more confused. He sighs rubbing his face „I thought pink was your favorite color.“

„No it’s nice! Really nice!“ you admit looking at the bag „Im just confused why you got me a- a bag? I mean i know im a girl, and I love bags but why..“

„It‘s not just any bag.“ he chuckles, only now realizing you had no idea what you were holding in your hands. He forgot you actually grew up with only a father. This could be amusing.

„What is it then? A special bag?“

„Ah forget it.“ Lando shrugged it off, kissing your cheek . This maybe was actually good. If you didn’t know what the bag meant you‘d go parade it in front of everyone which was exactly what Lando wanted. This bag would surely keep anyone away „I hope you like it baby.“

„I love it Lan!“ you smiled, before tiptoeing and kissing his cheeks. In all honesty the bag was nice but you had still no idea why he‘d just gift you some purse. But you figured it was his way of aplogizing or somethingand you really had no time to discuss the matter at that moment „If you excuse me now I gotta go show everyone my new bag and you have to go race. Good luck!“

Lando couldnt believe it. His plan had sorta backfired. But in the weirdest most unexpected way. He was stunned as he watched you strutting away with your new bag in one hand as you grabbed your coffe on your way out. This could be fun.

Kelly was watching her boyfriend qualifying from the redbull garage as she noticed you walk up to her. The dark haired woman smiled talking off her headphones „Y/n!“

„Kells!“ you embraced her in a hug. You two catch up a little and you just wanna ask Kelly about Little P when her eyes fall onto the bright pink thing in your hand. Kelly raised her eyebrows staring at it“Wow does your internship suddenly pay that much?“

„What?“ you chuckled, noticing her eyes on your bag. You pull it up swinging it around a little before wiggling your eyebrows „Oh, this?“

You roll your eyes turning it around „It‘ a pretty nice bag right?“

Kelly looks at you a little stunned „Nice?“

„You dont like it?“ you ask mustering the older woman „Well you won’t believe this but Lando got me this, totally random!“

„Lando got you a birkin!“ Kelly now yelled covering her mouth in shock as everyone started to look at the two of you. It was then that your step mom appeared from the backroom, taking off her own headset. Looking at Kelly and than at you snd than the very pink bag in your hand.

„That’s what it‘s called?“ you scrunched your nose before chuckling„Its apparently a special purse.“

„Who got you this?“ Geri now asked looking utterly confused at the very beauty you were holding in your hands. She had seen her share of beautiful birkins but this was next level. You grew more confused by the second as people were suddenly hovered around you, well especially women.

„Well- Hello to you to.“ you say rolling your eyes „It‘s just a bag girls. Lando got me it and it was so weird, it was completly out of the blue!“

„Just a bag?“ Geri asked, looking at Kelly unbelievingly „Y/n thats a very nice purse!“

„Oh.“ you state, raising your eyebrows „Maybe I shouldn’t use it then?“

„Oh no, A birkin bag is meant to be used honey!“ Geri chuckled, and Kelly can’t help but laugh along still absolutely shocked„Max never got me a birkin bag.“

„Whatever.“ you now shrug not knowing how a bag could be such a big deal. The two women continue their jokes before you walk around and take off. You had work to do after all. You muster your bag one last time. A birkin bag. Whatever that was. You should probably google it later.

Talk of the bright pink birkin bag that had been gifter by the very Lando Norris spread like water. Soon everyone knew about the most expensive hermes bag being given to a certain young journalist who was parading it like she had zero idea what it was. Well, that was actually the truth. Even instagram had their fieldday seeing you enter Mclarens motorhomes with Lando and leaving it with a pink birkin.

But you were too busy to notice. You only noticed the stared from every woman passing you and the fact that even some of the drivers started whispering and pointing at you whenever you passed them.

When Carlos bumped into you and noticed the little thing in your hand he immediately wanted to slap Lando. He Couldn’t believe the young guy thad actually pulled through with the utter insane plan. He had watched the guy make five hundred calls the day prior. If he had known what kinda bag he was on the hunt for, he‘d probably tell him to forget it.

„Max!“ Carlos yelled running up to the dutch driver, Max turning around „Yes?

„Did you see what he did?“ Carlos asked completely out of breath. Max raised his eyebrows taking a sip of his water in his Red Bull bottle.

„Who did what?“ Max asked, looking at the spanish ferrari driver.

„Lando.“ he stated and Max ju shrugged his shoulders, completely oblivious to the gossip that had been circulating all day„He bought her a birkin bag!“

„Who?“

„Y/n!“

„That little sly fuck!“ Max cussed, not actually believing what he was hearing. Everyone knew what gifting a birkin to a woman means. It‘s like putting a lock on her. It could be only described as some sort of pre proposal, letting every guy know: she is in fact off limits and you better back off.

„He couldnt ask her out normally huh?“ Max laughed shaking his head, grinning at the thought of the young brit.

„No. It‘s Lando. Typical Lando.“

On race day you decided you had enough for once and for all from the stares shot your way every second you walked through the paddock. The bag was pretty yes, but people were surely acting like it was a god. You walked into the redbulm garage approaching Kelly who was stood there with Max and your dad.

„Guys!“ they all stared at you as you looked at them in frustration.

„What the hell is the deal with this stupid purse!“ you held up the thing once again and your dad looked at you suprised while Max chuckles. There‘s a moment of silence before your father crosses his arms, raising his eyebrows.

„It‘s hideous?“ Christian asked. Max and Kelly looking at both of you stunned.

„Dad!“ you punched him with the bag as he laughed like an evil witch. He always made fun of your clothes so this wasn’t personal.

„Y/n!“ Kelly yells before the panicked women reaches out to garv the bag out of you hands like it was a child in need. She wrapped her arms around it protectively looking at you in fury. Meanwhile you look at her like she’s the one that’s lost her mind and so does your dad.

„What the-„

„Okay Christian.“ Max took a deep breath, looking at Kelly who was looking at him in desperation. Silently begging him to put an end to her misery of watching you treat a birkin like that„You may wanna take a seat for this.“

„Bullocks.“ Christian chuckled raising his eyebrows as you looked at Max confused. What was everyone’s problem?

„Well, this bag.“ Max ponited at the thing in Kellys hand and you looked at him exceptingly „It’s a birkin bag. And Lando gave it to you? Right Y/n?“

You slowly nodded, your dad already confused on why Lando would even buy you a bag in the first place. You weren’t that serious, right?

„Well its a forty thousand dollar bag. At least.“ Kelly now stated.

You felt like your heart stopped beating „A what?“

„Why?“ your dad now looks at you putting two and two together „Why does Norris gift you a forty thousand dollar bag Y/n?“

„I- Uhm.“

„I don’t know?“ you lied, before going to grab the bag from Kelly’s hand. Your dad throwing daggers at you. Realizing his daughter actually isn’t as innocent as she seems. You grin awkwardly „If you excuse me now. I gotta go!“

You wahtched the race from the stands, figuring you‘d be safest there as you tried to grasp the sheer fact that Lando had actually bought you a bag that cost more than all your other bags combined. And god you didn’t even say thank you really. But you also truly didn’t understand why he‘d do something so insane. This was serious. You don‘t gift bags like this to your situationship. After a long day you finally headed back to the hotel. Texting Lando to come to your room to talk on your way there.

You were getting ready to out to dinner with your family when a knock appeared at your door. In nothing but yout bathrobe you went to open the door expecting it to be Lando only to be met with a certain american guy lean against your doorframe „Howdy.“

„Logan.“ your eyes were wide open as he looked you up and down with a sly grin.

„Greetings.“ god he was unbarebale when not drunk. You look at the taller guy an awkward grin plastered on your lips.

„What do you want?“ you asked and you knew it sounded quite rude. But you quite honestly didn’t care because Lando could show up any second and you didn’t exactly want him to find you here with Logan.

„I wanna talk.“ He speaks as he pushes past you. You watch him enter your room. Well he was persistent.

„Well, now really is a bad time.“ you stated gesturing to your soaking wet hair and bathrobe. He really had to leave.

„How so?“

„Well, to be quite frank.“ but you couldnt finish it because a second later the door opened behind you. You shut your eyes knowing exactly who that was and how this was gonna look for you. Lando walks in fully dressed for the night, spotting you stand there in your bathrobe, your back turned towards him and in the room none other than. What? Logan? Really?

„What the fuck is he doing here.“ Lando asked not even acknowledging Logans presence. Great. Could anything go your way. You sighed turning around and looking at him „Lan…“

„I‘m here to pick her up for dinner.“ Logan states crossing his arms. You turn back around. He was not serious. „What?“

„Excuse me?“ Lando hissed, clearly already getting worked up about the fact that the Williams driver had the audacity to show up here after he had clearly made sure the whole paddock knew you were his. The birkin had done his job. People had already texted him congratulations on the realitionship.

„Yes remember, we made the plans last week when I came to your place?“ Logan asks you, quite literally doing it on purpose. You knew he was doing it on purpose.

„So hold on!“ Lando grabbed your shoulde and you turned around to look at his pissed off expression „He‘s the other driver?“

„The other what?“ you exclaimed being quite lost. Logan just chuckling, he had heard that Lando was trying scare someone off, apparently it was him. It mad Logan chuckle, surely you wouldn’t be so easy right?

„Last week you left an event with another driver!“ Lando hissed, pointing at the blonde american whi stood there with a cocky smile “It was him?“

„Yes.“ Logan grinned and you knew if he wanted Lando to punch him he was almost there. The brit had a short temper for stuff like this.

„Wait!“ you now yelled turning your attention towards Lando only „How do you know that!“

„Arthur saw you.“ Lando hissed, looking at you with a digusted expression. He starts to pace up and down the room and you roll your eyes at the dramatics.

„Lando calm down!“

„He’sinsane.“ Logan chuckled, shaking his head „Thinking he can put dibs on girl with some freaking bag just because he‘s too stupid to ask her out.“

„Logan!“ you now sighed , pointing at the door „Leave!“

Logan looks at you unamused but seeing you were serious. He rolls his eyes before pushing past you and leaving your room. Slamming tbe door shut on his way out, causing you to flinch as you stare at Lando who‘s looking like some maniac.

„Jesus!“ you sighed.

„Did you have s*x with him?“ Lando asked, blurting it out without hesitation but scared of the answer. You looked at him completely lost on what gave him that idea. Arthur for sure wasn’t a reliable source. Noted.

„What if I did Lando? We agreed on no strings!“ you tried to reason with him. The whole bag thing and him acting all jealous. It made zero sense „Its not like you weren‘t the one who was partying with a million girls after Silverstone.“

„Because I was mad at you!“ Lando now yelled. He really hated to admit this. He hated talking. He‘d rather buy you a million birkins but he knew his words were now needed.

„For what?“

„For not being there. You knew how important it was for me!“

„Lando I had to work!“ you sighed, still lost on how this all made sense „Thats why you slept with other women? Because you missed me?“

„I didn‘t sleep with anyone!“ he now defensed himself. You take a step back raising your brows as you realize you had been foolish.

„But the pictures?“

„Yes I made out with some of them. Im not proud. But I went home with Carlos.“ he sighed, looking at your smaller frame „And I got you that bag hoping you‘d forgive me for that. Well I also got it to scare the competition off.“

„Why didnt you say anything?“

„The bag speaks for itself or so I thought.“ he shakes his head „Only I forgot you aren’t like every other girl.“

„Lan.“ you smiled weakly, approaching him and putting your hand against his face „It‘s a nice bag. But unfortunately you will have to take it back because baby, forty thousand dollars? Thats ridiculous!“

Lando chuckled knowing how insane he sounded. He looked down at you „It was fifty thousand actually. I was trying compete with the other driver. If had known it was Sargeant I‘d gotten you something cheaper trust me.“

You can’t help but laugh „You’re mean!“

„No but seriously? He’s american!“ Lando said his voice all high pitched.

„I know.“ you. giggle, shaking your head „I didn’t t sleep with him tough baby. So you can take the bag back and buy yourself a car.

„Oh thank god!“ Lando sighed in relief his whole body relaxing. God he could be dramatic.

„I thought I was gonna have to pull an exorcism to get that thought out of my head.“

„Well we kissed.“ you smirk „So theres your exorcism.“

Lando fake gags and you punch his shoulder. Before wrapping your arms around his neck. Tugging on his curls. You look into his beautiful eyes, and he smiles down at you.

„So this no strings thing.“ he mumbles, biting the inside of his cheek. You feel your heart flutter as he comes down and kisses your lips softly his hand on your chin. He smiles „Its really just silly isn‘t it?“

You giggle „It is silly baby.“

„Okay from now on its strings baby.“ he states his hands wrapping around you body.

„Oh-„ you look at him with a scrunched nose „You might wanna skip that and go do boyfriend girlfriend right away.“

„Why?“

„Mhm…“ you sighed „Pretty sure my dad knows we had s*x.“

„What?!“ his eyes are wide open „How?“

„The stupid-„ you start but he interrupts you with raised brows.

„Birkin Bag.“

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: f2l!jun, jealous!jun, a lil bit of possessiveness, he's in love with u, afab reader, smut, penetrative sex, semi-public sex, etc.

wc: 1994

a/n: i love writing jun he's so ... he's so jun

masterlist

jun was an idiot.

okay, maybe that was too harsh.

no, actually that was pretty much correct.

because if he wasnt an idiot he wouldnt be standing here right now, watching as the pretty bartender flirted with you.

had he acted on his feelings earlier (or literally ever), he wouldnt have to watch as the bartender gave you free drink after free drink, clearly slipping you his number on a napkin. what did he have that jun didnt? balls? yeah, maybe. but it wasnt fair! jun was your best friend, it's not like he could just give you his number and call it a day. you already had his number! that, and he needed to go through the whole 'sorry, i know we're just friends, but id like to submit an application for the promotion to boyfriend now.' he already had a whole thing going with you; a very platonic thing.

so now all he could do was sit there and watch. watch you in your pretty dress, hugging your body in the most delicious of ways, as the bartender looked you up and down, almost as if he was planning the easiest way to eat you right there and then. jun needed to stop this. you didnt seem uncomfortable or even phased by it, just showing plain disinterest, so he really had no valid reason to storm over there and drag you away. which is why he wasnt sure why he did just that.

you knew jun as a bit of a weird guy. someone who just did things without much thought in mind. so it didn't surprise jun when you didnt question him upon marching up to you, churning out an excuse of 'we need to go to the bathroom!' before pulling you away from the bartender's vicinity.

to be fair, he did take you to the bathroom. he quite literally took over the bathroom, walking you in and locking the door behind him, not allowing any other person to enter. it was an exaggerated yet ominous act. once he calmed himself down a bit, he turned back to you as you looked at him with wide eyes, head turned slightly to the side, clearly confused at his actions. okay, yeah, this was weird. even for jun standards.

"what was that?" you asked, wondering why he was being extra dramatic than usual.

"uhh .. that? just, i .. i didnt- i didnt like the way he was looking at you .." jun was never good at thinking on his feet. he needed time to formulate answers and think. and even then, he would sometimes stumble over his words, just like now.

"what? he just gave me his number. it's not like-"

"no! you should- you should throw it away. uh, please?"

"why would i do that? he was cute, i was thinking of hitting him up an-"

"NO!," his words interrupted you again, leaving his mouth before he could think.

"jun, what's wrong with you today ..?"

"listen, i ... i- it's just .."

"jun! what is it??" you were clearly growing more and more confused by the second. jun needed to salvage the situation. except, in true jun fashion, he did the opposite of what he intended.

"i like you, okay?," he gulped loudly before continuing, "i dont want a stupid bartender giving you his number. i dont want to see guys staring at you at the gym. i dont want jeonghan flirting with you. it's- it's all driving me crazy. i know i shouldve told you, okay? i know. i'm too late, i know. i shouldve asked you from the day we met. but you were so ... and- and i panicked! i love being your best friend, i do. but- but i just like you so much. i like you and i dont know what to do. i-"

"jun."

"no, listen! i get it. we're best friends and we've been best friends forever, and i know you don't see me that way, but-"

"jun!"

"-but watching you get attention from all these guys is just making me so- it's driving me insane. i cant stand the thought of you with someone else anymore. i know you havent really dated since we met, but even the thought makes me-"

"wen junhui! shut up!!"

he finally slammed his mouth shut at this, finally allowing your interruption to get through to him. he was now paying full attention to you. you were closer than he remembered before he started senselessly ranting at you. you were right in front of him, actually, staring up at him with eyes he had never seen before.

you grabbed his arms, limp at his sides, and wrapped them around your waist, now pressing the two of you almost chest to chest. he didn't know where this was going, but he'd allow you to do whatever you wanted as long as it meant it was him you were looking at and no one else.

"junnie ... you're such a fucking idiot."

okay. he already knew that.

"i like you too."

wait, what?

he gaped at you, "what?"

very smooth.

"you're so fucking stupid. you couldve just told me you liked me," despite your insults, you now had your arms wrapped around the back of his neck, almost pulling him down to you. it had his heart beating like crazy as he kept his own arms wrapped around you.

"i- you liked me?!"

"yes, you idiot! why do you think i havent dated anyone since we met?"

"i thought maybe you just didnt have any game, i dont know!"

"jun!"

"shit. sorry, i meant- hmph!"

your attack on him had been too quick for him to even process. without having realized, you had pulled him down the rest of the way, quite literally launching an attack on his lips with your own. for a few seconds he just stood there, eyes wide in surprise as he let you kiss him with no reciprocation. he was too shocked to respond, despite how badly he wanted to. it went like this until you pulled away, probably thinking this wasnt what he wanted.

he panicked once again, immediately pulling you back to his lips, backing you up against the nearest wall. that's when he really started to perform to his full potential. he pulled all stops, feeling nothing but pure bliss at finally feeling your lips against his. he licked frantically into your mouth, running his hands up and down every inch of your body, sighing at every moan that escaped your mouth and entered his.

he felt like he was on cloud nine, with you so pliant against his hold. suddenly an animalistic sense deep within him started to come out. every soft sigh you released against him, and every shudder of your body had his resolve breaking. he had to hold back from picking you up and pounding you into the wall. whatever it was that was taking over him, he had never felt before. there was a cloud in his mind giving him sinister thoughts; thoughts of you crying as he pistoned into you, letting all his desires finally release after the years-long wait for you to land in his arms.

"w-want you so fucking bad. please ...l he opted for communicating his desires, wanting nothing more than for you to reciprocate his insane want for you.

your response was found in you licking into his open mouth as he spoke, whispering at him to do whatever he wanted to you, claiming you had waited far too long to feel him. revealing that you thought of him every night and that your resolve had broken long ago.

his eyes rolled back at your lust, knowing his matched by a tenfold. he made quick work of your dress, pulling it up to uncover your crotch while pulling his own pants down just enough for him to begin rubbing his length against the thin cloth of your panties. he wanted your nude body so badly, but he knew it wasnt the time nor place. he'd save that vision for another day (most likely an hour or so, maybe after making you scream his name in the pub's bathroom).

"junnie ... please just-fuck! just fuck me," he understood your rush, already growing drunk on the feeling of his cock rubbing against your delicious cunt. god, that was yet another thing he needed to save for later; your thighs suffocating his head as he licked every drop of arousal out of you.

no. he needed to concentrate. he needed to get his cock wet and warmed up by your pretty cunt. and that's exactly what he did next, moaning out at the feeling of you enveloping him almost as if he'd belonged there all along.

"that's ... shit, that's such a pretty cunt, baby. fuck ..."

"wanted this cunt for so long, shit, fuck. it's so fucking good."

"all mine now ... no one else can have it .."

"fuck, gonna take you home and keep you locked in my room. go-gonna fuck you every day to make up for lost time, shit."

he couldn't help the candid words leaving his mouth. his mind kept screaming at him to show you how fucking badly he wanted you. there was nothing more perfect than the feeling of your body against his, all while your mewls of pleasure filled his ears. the thought of taking you home and keeping you in his arms forever made him feel like he was in nirvana. it almost overpowered the actual feeling of nirvana your cunt was giving him as you strangled his cock between your walls.

god, your cunt. he always knew you'd feel like heaven, but nothing couldve prepared him for this. no longer did he ever have to worry about the platonic wall that had been placed between him and your beautiful body (and mind and soul and everything else). now he had you all to himself, and he'd never let another man even imagine being in his current position.

"junnie ... need to cum. please. y-you're so fucking big. fuck!"

he needed to hear more of you. needed you to cry about his big cock bruising your cervix. so, he did what any reasonable person would and began pistoning in and out of you at a savage pace, feeding on the cries of pleasure leaving your lips.

"th-right there! fuck! junnie, please ... do-don't stop. gonna cum. g-gonna- shit ..."

not a single sentence could leave your body anymore as jun finally triggered your impending orgasm, with your own end dragging his out of him almost immediately.

the two of you breathed heavily against each other, hands unable to separate from the other's body for even a second. it felt comfortable; right. it was as if you'd done this together before. he felt like this was what he was supposed to be doing all along.

"do you really like me back?"

"jun, you idiot. yes! i wouldnt have let you fuck me in a dirty pub bathroom if i didnt like you."

"ah. hah, just making sure," he wasnt too sure where the horny monster inside of him had gone, now going back to his slightly awkward demeanor.

"now ... are you gonna make good on your promise?"

"huh?"

"gonna take me home and keep me locked up in your room?"

oh. you were flirting with him. your hands were rubbing at the back of his ear, making him swoon at your delicate touch. fuck, you were good at this. one word from you and he was putty in your hands. but it was fine. he liked it that way.

"y-yes."

"then take me home, baby. show me what you've been wanting to do to me all this time"

jun made a mental note to thank the bartender on his way out for making him jealous enough to act on his feelings as you dragged him away, clearly just as eager to get on his bed.

thank fucking god for that stupid bartender.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning

i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother

important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while

after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(

What are these acronyms?

[selfloverrrrrr]

Twisted Life

Warning: smut, heavy smut, unprotected sex, yandere, noncon, dubcon, age gap, jealousy.....

Masterlist

All characters are aged up/18+

Read all warnings carefully....if you don't like my stories block me not report

Born as a non-sorcerer in a sorcerer family is such a painful life. Everyone told me that I was useless, I was just born to be a sorcerer's wife and bring him children. There's nothing else for me. But who knew that sorcerer gonna be the strongest sorcerer of the world.

I was 18 years old when Gojo clan came to my family to marry Gojo Satoru. I told my parents that I don't wanna marry now, it's too early for me. But who's gonna listen to me? I'm a non-sorcerer.... Ofcourse noone agreed with me and I got married with the strongest sorcerer of the world Gojo Satoru.

The wedding day went well. Everything went well. We got married. I got married to a man whom I don't even know. But Gojo didn't came home with me at our marriage night because of a mission. For killing a special grade course. He told me he'll be home soon. I nooded and he left.

It was two days after that night. I finished my dinner. I was wearing my short night gown. I couldn't sleep so I was watching TV. The door bell rang. I turned off the TV and looked at the clock it was too late. I opened the door anyways. It was Gojo Satoru. He was finally home. I smiled at him and give him some space to come in. He smiled back at me and came in.

I locked the door. He took off his jecket and threw it on the couch. " Did you eat something? Sorry I didn't know you were coming .... That's why I already ate my dinner-" I began to speak when he cut me off " it's okey.... Don't be sorry " he said. " You ate anything? I still have food.... I'll heat them up if you didn't ate anything yet " I said. " Nah... Not hungry rn" he said and sit on the couch.

I took his jacket and fold it. I could feel him staring at me. I put the jacket aside. I saw him took off his blindfold. "Soooo...." He began to speak. I looked at him. " Why weren't you agreed for the marriage?" He asked. My eyes widened. How did he know? "I.." " come here...sit" I went beside him and sit beside him. " Not there....here" he said patting on his lap. I looked at him with wide eyes " it's okey... I'm fin-" I couldn't complete my sentence he grabbed my hand and pulled me on his lap.

I gasped. " When I told you to sit here... You should sit here " he said with grinded teeth. Then his expression loosened again. " So.... Tell me... Why didn't you agreed" he asked again stroking my hair with a smile on his lips. " I... I d-didnt want to get m-married too early...." I spoke with a sceared voice.

He cupped my chin with hand and stocked my cheek with his thumb. " You know I never ever agreed for any marriage proposal my family told me.... But you were different.....you are gorgeous... You caught my eyes that's why I send the proposal to your family....did you knew that it I who sent the proposal?"he asked. I nodded softly. Suddenly he grabbed my shoulder and rubbed circles with his thumb. " Then why did you refused my proposal?" He asked now his pressure increases on my shoulder. "S-satoru.... it's okey...we are married now.... Your nails are digging in my skin" I said but it was like he didn't even hear me and continued his talking. " Do You know how much I am obsessed with you.... How much I love you..... I have never felt like this for anyone.... " He said. Now he was grabbing my shoulder more tightly. It was too painful. "I understand satoru but please stop you're hurting me...." I said with panic but still didn't listen to me and continued. " You don't know how many girls gave me proposal but I didn't accept them.... They were like whore.... Try to show their body to have me.... But I didn't accept them.... Why should I? I love you the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.... Then why should I accept some whore???" He said. He was starting in my soul. Now his nails were digging in my skin. "Satoru you're hurting me!!!" I scremed tears came out from my eyes. " YOU DON'T LOVE ME????? WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME????" he said in a loud voice. " Satoru stopppp" I said, pushed him and got up from his lap.

" Omg... sorry sorry.... please I'm so sorry....did I hurt you.... please forgive me....I didn't mean to.... I really didn't mean to...." He said being breathless. I saw tears in his eyes. " It's.... it's okey" I said and give him a weak smile. " No no no... I can't believe I hurt you... please.... please" he was still talking like breathless. I went towards him and put my hand on his." Hey it's okey" I said and he looked at my eyes and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back. suddenly I felt the hug was becaming tighter. Then I felt him licking my cheek. "Okey Satoru... I'm not mad at you" I said as I tried to pull away but his grip was too tight. Then I felt him licking my jaw. "Satoru stop...." But he didn't. He started licking my neck. With all my strength I finally pushed him away. He looked at me. " Why are you pushing me away????" He asked.

"I'm not feeling....comfortable"

"I'm your husband and you're not feeling comfortable with me? Then with whom will you feel comfortable??? YUTA???"

"What?... what are you talking about?"

"I saw how you were looking at Yuta......at our wedding night"

"W-what?... I don't know what are you talking about.... I didn't looked at him that way.... I just talked with him normally "

"DON'T LIE.... You like him... don't you?... Why?... because he's same age as you?... Does age really matter that much???"

"Look Satoru I don't know what you are talking about" I said and started walking towards me and I took step back. I don't look at any where and run towards the bedroom. I could hear him running behind me. As I went into the bedroom I turned and closed the door. But Gojo didn't let it shut. He grabbed it from other side and pushed it. " Why don't you love me???... Please... please just give me one chance to prove you how much I love you..." He said and pushed the door with more pressure. I was pushing the door from the other side. But didn't take much time for the strongest to come inside. As he came inside my heart beat fasten. He closed the door and locked it.

He came towards me and hold me tightly close to him. "S-satoru... please.... Look there's nothing between me and Yuta.... Please believe me" I said with shaking voice. "That means you love me right?" He said. One of his hand started squeezing my ass. "Satoru please stop" I said. " Look... Not even one time you are accepting that you love me.... How can I make you love me????" He said. " I heard you like babies... right?" He said looking at me. "Satoru no..." I panicked.

"My parents also want a grand child" he said.

"No satoru....no..." I said and my panic increased.

"That's like.....one stone two birds " he said and smirked.

He threw me on his bed. Fear grabbed me by my neck. Gojo started crawling towards me. " S-satoru stop" I said. I tried to get off from the bed but he grabbed me by my leg and pulled me back on the bed. " Satoru please stop" I begged but he crashed his lips on mine. Kissing me roughly. Making me breathless.

He started undressing me. I tried to stop him but my strength was nothing for him. He almost took off my clothes. I was just left in my panties. Gojo started licking my nipple. His was so teasing. I moaned. He continued his teasing licking and sucking on my nipple. With his one hand he grabbed my other boob and squeezed it roughly. I scremed so loudly.

When he was done playing with my nipples and boobs he got up and started taking off my panties. " Gojo please...." I begged again but he didn't listen to me. He bring his face close to my pussy and licked it. "Ummmmmmm..... heaven~" he whispered to himself.

He took off his pant. His huge length was out now. My eyes widened at his length. It was too long and too thick. He grabbed his dick stroked it two or three times then line it with my entrence. I began to panic. " Satoru Satoru no.... please no .... Satoru please no... It's too big.... it's not gonna fit." I begged him. "Shhh darling... Don't panic... it's gonna fit... we're gonna make it fit..." He whispered in my ear.

Gojo slowly pushed his whole length in but I scremed with pain. Then he started thursting in and out. Thursting became rougher and harder. I was screming loudly. His huge dick was giving me too much pleasure with pain. He started giving me hickeys on my neck and chest. His thursting getting faster and harder. My whole body was shaking. He was moaning too. The way his dick was touching my g-spot make my back arch. It didn't take much time and I came. As I came that smirk again played on his lips.

I felt his dick started throbbing inside me. I didn't have the power to speak. It was too much for me. When my warm walls clenched around him he moaned loudly. In a few minutes he came inside me. I could feel his seed spreading inside me. He slowly pull out and threw him beside me. He hugged me and pulled me closer to him and whispered....

"don't be afraid darling... You can't understand how much I love you.... I will protect you from everything.... If anyone dare to touch you I'll give him the scariest death in the world.... we're gonna raise our baby together." He said and kissed my cheek. A part of me just telling me to run away from him... he's a monster. But the another part of me was feeling comfort in his hug....it was feeling like.... safe???

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[kiibichio]

PLAY DATE 2. 𐙚 ❤︎ M. STURNIOLO

OVERVIEW ;; you and matt get into a heated argument over your ‘friends with benefits’ deal, how will it end ?? (good ending i promise)

CONTAINS ;; angst, fluff, good ending !! (that’s it?)

momo speaks ;; PART TWO OF THISSS. this was so fun to writeee. I HOPE U GUYS REALLY LIKED IT BC I WORKED HARDD MAN I WAS BREAKING A SWEAT OVER HERE (but kinda rushed). enjoy !! (PART ONE HERE <33)

date published ;; 02.20.24

not proofread !!

——————————————————————————————

6:49 pm.

“are you serious? you just told me you ‘missed me so much’, but you’re letting me leave just like that? am i just some sort of play date to you?” i ask, sitting up. anger, sadness and confusion written all over my face.

maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

matt goes silent for a while, then speaks up.

“you do realize that when we started this we both mutually agreed to have no feelings right?” he says, trying to keep his cool

“well- i mean yeah, but-” i try to speak

“then what makes you think i want to be something more?” he cuts me off. he stands up and starts to get dressed.

“matt. good fucking god, i mean you just have sex with me that damn near kick me out?”

tears start filling my eyes. shit.

“yeah!” he exclaims sarcastically “i do because when we established this, i told you i didnt want a fucking relationship. we’re just friends that just so happen to fuck.” matt raises his voice at me.

then the water works break. goddammit.

i wipe my eyes before speaking up, “okay then… if that’s how you want it to be, then we can end this shit right fucking now. im not gonna allow myself to be used like some damn sex toy.”

“wait.. y/n- c’mon i didn’t mean it like that.” matt tries to explain, regretting what he had just said.

“oh no. i fully understand what you meant,” i reply, now getting dressed.

“fuck..” he mumbles under his breath, but still loud enough for me to hear.

“that’s all you have to say?” i stand up after putting my shoes on, crossing my arms in front of the bedroom door.

matt goes silent.

“oh, what? we’re mute now? real cute.” i ask sarcastically before storming out the room. he follows behind me, trying to explain himself with ‘y/n this!’ and ‘y/n that!’ but i easily tune him out.

as i reach the front door, it starts to open.

it’s just chris and nick, i give a small wave and quickly pass by them and start walking to my house.

ill be damned if i ever let somebody treat me like this shit again.

——————————————————————————————

an hour later, i get a knock on my door. dear lord, who is it now? i walk over to the front door and open it.

matt’s on the other side.

“hey.. forgot your phone…” he says sheepishly, handing it over to me.

“mhm. thanks.” i answer. i start to close the door before he pushes it open again.

“can i… come in?” he asks

“why? so you can screw me over again? no thanks.”

“y/n. im serious. please?”

i can tell he’s serious, but im still hesitant.

i sigh and open the door wider to let him enter.

he makes his way to the couch, while i lock the door and follow behind him, but sitting on the opposite side of him.

there’s a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

“just gonna sit there?”

he lets out a deep breath, “listen, i’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. i didn’t take your feelings into consideration and i clearly wasn’t thinking in that moment.” matt explains sincerely.

“i accept your apology. and i understand, but now that my secrets out, we cant keep doing this. it’s just- not.. right.” i shake my head

“that’s another thing i wanted to talk about. it’s not that i don’t like you.. i do- it’s just…” he sighs

“what, matt? you can talk to me. we’re still friends.” i speak. i move closer to him and put my hand on top of his.

“ive been extremely busy lately. flying back and forth, videos, podcasts, everything. its just a lot to handle and im not sure im ready for commitment. so its not a no.. its just a ‘not now.’” he looks at me.

after he said that, i felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. i needed that sense of reassurance. but now i feel like the asshole. i should’ve thought about him too.

“that’s perfectly fine, matt. i can handle that.” i start to smile, “ill wait for you, matt. take as much time as you need.”

he hugs me and i can feel his face growing into a soft smile against my shoulder.

“thank you, y/n.”

4 months later ;;

“matt! baby, i missed you so much!!” i say, leaping in his arms as he walks out into the airport parking lot towards my car. i attack him with kisses all over his face and hug him just a bit too tight.

“too tight, my love.” he says almost out of breath.

“it’s not my fault, this is the first time you’ve ever left me like this! i just really, really missed you.” i exclaim, letting go of him.

“you’re so extra.” he chuckles

okay that first part was a partial lie, but it really is the first time he’s gone back to boston without his girlfriend of 2 months!

“can you two get a room? good fucking god.” nick says disgusted, chris nodding his head and agreeing with his brother.

me and matt both shoot them the middle finger and continue walking to the car.

he grabs my hand, “i missed you too, though baby. i was thinking about you the whole time. and…” he continues to tell me how much he had missed me and loves me.

best boyfriend ever.

——————————————————————————————

momo speaks (again) ;; ugh this was really rushed im sorry if it sucks 😭😭 BUT I GOT IT DONE. love you guys <3 hope you enjoyed !! TOODLES xx

tag list ;; @sturniolos-blog @mayhem-72 @hearts4chris 🍵

[vickyyoon]

You're mine (pt 4)

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Genre : Angst, smut

C/w: smut, unprotected sex, smut with feelings, fluffy smut, yandere!hyunjin, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome

Paring : yandere!hyunjin x fem!Reader

Synopsis : reader lets hyunjin let his pent up frustrations out in her but he just can't go rough on her.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It wasn't like he was still good at controlling his emotions, sometimes he just goes crazy, throwing things around everywhere for small reasons. He was mentally disheveled, he really needed care.

You tried your best to help him but he only seems to understand that you are suffering with him being like this and not the fact that you're trying to help him get over this problem.

You can tell he blames himself alot for his anger issues and short temper. But for some reason he never gets mad at you, other than that one time he hurt you. He can't think of hurting you at all. No matter how mad you make him, he'll adore you.

But his work life and social life is very messy that every time he comes home, he becomes an emotional mess, raging, throwing, screaming at himself. Then crying, sobbing, breaking down, blaming himself.

It was painful to see, he was such a great person, he didnt deserve such problems. He would always tell you to lock yourself up in your room so you don't see him being a mess.

And when You would leave your room only to see him cleaning up glasses and plates he had thrown on the floor. You would help him, tell him it's always fine to have problems and no one's life is painless but he thinks you're suffering because of his tantrums and he only wants the best for you.

But Even if he would want you to be happier with someone else, he knows very well why he can't let you go, he loves you, he can't live without you, you're the only joy in his life, the only person and only friend in his life. He had a sweet taste of life and he wants more now , he can't let you go.

.

You had told him that he was always allowed to tell you his pent up frustrations and you would always listen to him. He could even take it out my intimacy but he always lied and refused your help .

It was like his house was on fire in front of you and yet he was still telling you things were fine.

There were times he wouldnt want to hurt you so he let you sleep alone, he would lock himself in his room and ramble alot to himself.

" jinnie? I can't sleep alone." you would have to drag him to your room or sleep with him in his room

He knew he should be letting you go and you knew that you still had to escape because you were literally kidnapped but you couldn't find the courage to leave him, he became too dear to you, maybe your dearest now.

You would have to make plans and take him out, which he would let you go out. It did make him happy but by the end of the day he was always guilty. You guessed he was too soft.

.

It was late night, he was on his day off, hovering on top of you finally agreeing to let out his pent up frustrations. You could tell he wouldn't be rough, he's never rough with you, he could never think of being rough with you.

You were staring at his pretty face, tugging his long black hair behind his ear, wrapping your arms around his neck before kissing him so deeply. Your hands ruffling his hair as he giggled into the kiss.

" such a pretty boy." you whispered staring at his face again. That compliment took him by surprise and he was profusely blushing looking away. It made your heart flutter and you smiled at him.

" you don't deserve to have such problems. I don't think I deserve you. I mean I would never wait my entire life for someone and never thought someone would wait their entire life for me." you were really happy that what happened had happened. You needed him in your life.

He was speechless. You only gave him a soft smile melting him. Never had he ever thought you would fall in love with him. It's not like he didn't want it, in fact he waited his whole life for this but you confessing had him quiet shocked.

His fingers gently pulled down the waist band of your underwear and throwing them off somewhere in the room. His hands rubbing your sides.

He started to gather your arousal on his fingers. You got so wet thinking about him. His body was damp from the shower hair still so wet as you ruffled with it, gosh he smelled so nice.

He stuck his index finger in, it was still so hard to fit in with you clenching in onti it every push inward, he slowly thrusted his finger in and out smirking up at you and you could only smile with half lidded eyes, he could tell that you were enjoying it alot but it wasn't enough.

You would go whiny but you didn't even need to tell him before his stuck is middle and ring finger inside as well and curling right there making you buck your hips as he watched it like a show.

"k-kiss?"

" you want me to kiss you? Where?"

You put a finger on your lips unable to get those words out of your mouth and he could only awe, it was so adorable and sweet and gave you a soft gentle passionate kiss, smiling at you.

" w-want you in me"

And without a word he took down his boxers and hovered right above you, taking in your face before kissing your forehead and slowly sliding in.

Softly thrusting into you while rubbing your thighs.

" you feel so good I don't think there's anyone else that feels as good as you."

He leaned closer to you and you kissed his head, sniffing in the scent of his shampoo as well.

" you f-feel amazing, so big, s-so wide"

He smiled, the adoration in his eyes for you, he would be crying but he's resisting, he loves you so much and when you tell him you love him back he feels like he's won in life and he's completed. His whole life's goal was only to make you mine and see his love for you.

" y-you and I go together like pieces of puzzles, right?"

"mhmm."

" w-will you b-be mine?"

" am I not yours already?"

You giggled as he turned red and nuzzled into your neck, your hand patting his head.

" of course..."

He lifts his face to look at you, his heart melts as you spill those words out of your mouth.

He started to go a bit faster his thrusts getting much sloppier and erratic.

His lips on yours to swallow the moans, his one hand pinning your pair of hands above your head to restrain you from squirming , his other hand on your thigh to grip you down onto the bed.

And you came right before he did both of you lost of breathe and panting, your heads dizzy and he still hugged your body, nuzzling into your chest staying in you for a while more.

" you can always tell me about your problems, it'll help you alot, I can help yoh always."

.

[sturnioz]

its 9 pm so its not late night but erm 😞

toxic!matt and reader who is just the sweetest person ever who hook up once or twice and text a bunch, reader is so bold over text and matt LIVES for it bc he thinks ur a rlly good lay n u got some good pussy n shit yk? the two of u just love hanging out and everything,, until reader wants to have a relationship with matt, and hes all 'nah, told u i dont do relationships remember? i got other hoes LMAO' over text with u and u dont understand why ur upset because hes told u this multiple times whenever u guys were hanging out or after sex. the next time u guys hang out ur kinda distant from him and the whole group, and when he texts u 'come over?' (which normally you'd agree to) and ur just 'no not tonight' and then hes like 'ok dont come crying to me when im fucking another one of my bitches tho' and again u dont get why ur upset. matt is kinda disappointed tho yk?? bcs secretly ur his favorite and he'd js never admit that EVER. next time u two hang out he catches on and pulls u aside to ask 'yo what the fuck is wrong with u?? you've been acting so different what the fuck' and u js brush it off. hes all stubborn n shit tho so he keeps persisting, where u snap at him and hes all 'theres my girl' with a little grin on his face. he invites u over (for sex at first), but when u get over there ur tired and upset because u found a bra and some perfume that WASNT urs laying around matts room to which he just shrugged. patting the spot next to him on his bed, he could just TELL something was wrong again and kept trying to force it out of you before you just started crying after getting all annoyed and snapping at him and starting to leave because ur sick and tired. he doesn't get WHY ur crying but he does keep quiet and drag you into his chest after a bit of manhandling since u were half way out the door when he finally does something, he ends up stroking ur hair and shushing u while u sob into his chest even as the reason ur crying is because of him. he didnt even get to fuck tonight but he like cant find it in himself to care, and hes all '??????' in his head because why wasnt he upset?

— 🕸️

this is so long and im so tired but i HAD to get this out of my head mweheheh sorry if like most of this doesnt make ANY sense im exhausted (its only 9) 😞

toxic!matt makes me want to rip my hair out of my skull but toxic!matt is also lowkey a fave..... i love this angst shit. i was so invested because i genuinely got upset that it ended LMAO

[persephone11110]

Self Control

Jake Seresin x Reader

Three times you should’ve stopped fucking Jake Seresin, and one time you finally did.

tw:one night stands, insecure reader, KINDA DARK, mentions of sex throughout—DUBIOUS CONSENT fic,Dead Iceman->reader is grieving and doesn’t how to process her emotions properly, asshloe J.S->cheater Jake, they both need fucking therapy!!,—jake abusive childhood Jake chokes reader->bruises, happy ending, the two kazansky children seen in the movie are cannoned just gave them names(Xander,Ana Kazansky),self-slutshaming, reader calls herself whore 2-3x, mavdad—feminist icon

WC : 2.7k

AN: I really can’t tell you how this fic was born tbh, but enjoy❤️, title from Self Control- Frank Ocean

—

THIS FIC MENTIONS SEX ALOT, I PUT DUBIOUS CONSENT BCUS READER & JAKE ARE NOT IN RIGHT STAND OF MIND, PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!

1. his bedroom

You’ve been thinking to yourself lately,everynight you lie in bed in wondering if you should be tired of doing this?, giving a piece of yourself to Jake Seresin three times a week.

You wondered if the man even cared enough to get to know you, after all you’ve been acting as his bed warmer for the past three months.

But that just it, you were warned of how this would work, you both agreed to emotionless sex— being each other’s fuckbuddies when work got to much to emotionally handle.

As it seemed neither of you had the mental capacity to have a healthy coping mechanism. You sat on your floor infront of a mirror trying to cover up a neck bruise, Jake had a nightmare again—the same one as usual, Instead Jacob Sr was the one doing the choking.

“Jake, Jake!” your throat was closing, Jake hand around throat was tightening—his fingers digging deep into your skin Again. You were begging for him to release you. You stared into his green forest like eyes—their so fucking beautiful.

At first he doesn’t acknowledge your pleading tone, Jakes most likely still stuck in nightmare from hell “Jake please let go”. Your voice was dry now, tears sprung from your eyes as it did his.

A loud thump happened as your body rolled of the bed to the floor. You heard heavy breathing which normally signaled Jake had finally woken up . He banged his head against the headboard loudly. Jake utters a small—“I’m sorry”before leaving you alone in the room to gather himself.

You sat on the floor like fucking obedient dog waiting for Jake to come back and tell you what do next. While you sit there in silence apart of you wonders were the strong Y/n“Killerfrost” Kazansky went, the woman who didnt break a sweat while looking death in the face. The woman who flew more colder than Iceman more crazier than Maverick. What happened?

Death happened,cancer stripped your dad of his life. Sitting at his beside watching him struggle take his last breath, shushing him he because he was pushing himself to use his voice.

Going on base and listening to the Admiral Simpson go over on the speaker and tell the base that Admiral Kazansky—your dad drew his last breathe. Which led you to Jake Seresin bed.

Younger you would be so disappointed in you right now. Younger Y/n Kazansky would rather die before laying down with man who’s ruining their mental health. If someone told you ten years down line you would be fucking one of the worst men as an emotional outlet. You would’ve laughed in their face repeatedly till you passed out from lack of oxygen.

“Tom Kazansky would be so disgusted with his daughter”, a thought lingered around your mind, “Dad wouldnt even want to be in the same room as you”.

You picked yourself off the floor as you heard Jake’s footsteps getting closer. Your legs were bouncy as anxiety was coursing through your veins—flying never did make you feel this, but leave it to Jake‘Hangman’Seresin to.

Jake voice was low and rough,“See you next week”. Before you could say something to the man, he already had his back turned walking away from you.

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment,“How am I falling for a man who doesn’t love me and never will?”. You continue to slip your clothes back on as you toss the thought around in your head, careful of your sore skin. “You should be ashamed of yourself Y/n Kazansky, you were not raised be a whore who re adjust their clothes as a John throws a fucking dollar at them., You were raised with dignity”.

Whore. Y/n Kazansky callsign should be Jake Seresin whore.

Your pressed your head into the shower wall, allowing the hot pressed water to soothe your aching muscles.“I’m so sorry daddy”.

—

2. Family Dinner

You kept tugging at the hem of your turtle neck, it was to hot to be wearing this damn thing in the first place. But last thing you wanted to was to worry your siblings as they had just lost their father. That last thing they needed was their weak sister falling apart at the seams, as if they weren’t either.

Two times a month your siblings held saturday dinner. The idea was to keep up with eachother.

Guess who’s been missing family dinner to fuck Jake Seresin?, the answer is Y/n Kazansky.

You stood on Ana porch quietly, wondering if you should even go in, not wanting the catch the end of your short-tempered sister.

“You plan on standing there till hell freeezes over?”, a voice pulls your from your thoughts, Xander Kazansky was standing behind you with pie in his hands. “Come on sis, Ana been waiting to see you”. He smiled, softly pulling on your wrist to get you into the door. You mirror his smile, forgetting all about last night. You closed the door behind you.

“Hey kid”, you stand there waiting for him to put the pie down before you pull him into a tight hug. Your ruffling his hair, with one hand.

“I have you know Y/n I can legally drink alcohol”. Xander pouts like little kid.

“Y/n didn’t wait until she was twenty one drink”. Ana tone of voice was sour as she gestured the both of you to sit down.

“Ana I—“ Your cut off by her harsh words.

“Y/n the longer you spew bullshit at me the longer its takes to bless the food”. Ana states before bowing her head and closing her eyes.

You and Xander make eye contact before joining her.

“So us non-aviators aren’t good enough for you anymore?” Ana asked you in calm tone, yet you could hear how angry she truly was.

Xander was to busy scraping at his dinner plate, shoving food in his mouth—not wanting to be caught in the middle of his sister’s argument.

You bite at the inside of your cheek unsure of what to say back. Can’t say the truth because then Ana will really flip out if she finds what her little sister been doing lately.

You glanced at your plate again thinking up lie to tell her. “I’ve been busy Ana, since the mission the dagger squad have become a permanent squadron”. Your telling the truth but the full truth.

You pray Ana takes the bone you threw at her and leaves it alone. Ana gave you a dirty look before picking at her broccoli and shoving it in her mouth. Thank god neither of your parents were here as they would’ve picked up on ticks, the picking at your nails, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Sweetheart you can tell us whats going on you know that right”, your dad would say while nudging your shoulder, “Your off the clock, you can retire Killerfrost till your up in the air”.

You thought Ana had let it go as she stopped acknowledging you, and was only talking to Xander. "I hope that whatever you been doing was worth it Y/n, you haven’t even seen mom in goddamn month”.

“Ana” Xander sighed, he was getting tired of his sister remarks, you didn’t wanna defend yourself anymore, not that you even tried to.

You bowed your head in shame, no longer wanting to make eye contact with either sibling.

“What Xander?”, Ana raised her voice,”It’s the same fucking thing dad would’ve say to her too,I’m getting tired of her acting as if she’s the only one who lost a dad, like mom didn’t lose apart of her”.

You could feel the tears attempting to escape from your eyes. You placed the silverware back in its place, you stood from the dinner table. Casting a look between the both of them—“I’m sorry Ana, Xander” before you walked out of her house with tears rushing down your face.

Your sitting at a gas station thinking about everything, you really were acting selfish.

Maybe fucking Jake Seresin was a bad idea?

You picked up your phone, eyeing the text message. “I can’t sleep Y/n, come over if your aren’t busy”.

And just like that, Jake was telling you to come over it’s like he knew when it was a bad time for you. How dare you say no to him?

You put the key back in the ignition and start to slowly pull out of the parking lot.

Your on the back road, the shortest way to get to his house.

3. All I Could Was Cry

She was standing there with my man.

I heard them promise death do us apart.

A woman who looked like Marilyn Monroe was her descendant hung off of Jakes arm, she wrapped her hand around his bicep. They both shared a smile with one another, “I’m busy tonight Y/n“, he texted you this morning.

They were pushing eachother into the water- her screams of joy as Jake playfully her slammed into the water. She leaned into to him pushing her tongue down his throat.

I was losing the man I loved.

“Falling in love with a man like that is dangerous game Y/n” A familiar voice interrupts your self pity. Uncle Maverick is standing behind you with two beers in his hands and small smile. “Scoot over kiddo” Your sitting on cold sand, pretending to be okay with the scene infront of you.

And all I could do was cry.

“Uncle Mav if your here to give me I’m so disappointed in you speech, I’ve already gave myself one more than once I-“. He gently cuts you off when he pulls you into a tight, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“Your mom been worried about you, so has your siblings , me and the daggers”. His voice is laced with worry, you hated making people worry about you. “Your flying been…crazy these past couple of months”. Maverick struggles to find more words to say, unsure if he does it might push into Jakes arms.

He was right you been flying like your ass was on fire, and if you’ve been pulling maneuvers even he wouldn’t dare to.

“Ana Kazansky is worried about me?”, Your eyes widen at that,“It didn’t seem like that a couple nights ago when she was going for my head”.

“Ana is like your father, arguing with them is like sitting on the stand defending yourself against a criminal charge”. Uncle Maverick explains with a soft tone, “I would know after pissing your dad off for over thirty years”. You swear he blinks away a few tears before continuing.

“I have everything under control, yes I like Seresin and I understand he doesn’t want me”. You feel indifferent as the lie rolls off your tongue through your mouth. “I’m Killerfrost Kazansky who doesn’t allow her emotions to get the best of her”. Your eyes shift away as you attempt to not hold eye contact with him.

“The same bullshit your father tried to pull with me years ago, your Y/n Kazansky the woman who just her father, the woman who misses her father dearly the man who showed you how to spell your name, the man who managed to get out of deployment early to drop you off for the first day kindergarten”.

Tears pricked at your eyes,“I didn’t think about it that way,maybe i’ve been to hard on myself?”. Your voice cracks with emotion. “As much I hate to say it— It feels nice to be ‘wanted’ by someone, Mav”.

“Kid, I was that man thirty some odds years ago when Goose died, I had sex with any woman who looked my way and said yes”. Maverick pulled away from you, gently wiping away your tears. “It’s going to hurt kiddo for awhile, but I promise you its gets better, the last thing Ice would want is for his daughter to lose herself, to allow a man to tell her how worthy she is”. He presses a kiss into the side of your head“It’s okay to feel emotions Y/n Kazansky”, he said low enough for only your ears.

After leaving you alone with your thoughts, your phone blinks as a notification pops up.

“Y/n I need you over tonight”. Your walking back to the car, hand on the car handle. “10 is good”. Your driving past his house, your driving to your apartment.

4. Happier Again (3months later)

He’s in standing your doorway with roses in his hand, and red wine in the other. When you heard knocking on the door you expected Ana because it almost time for movie night or Harvard because he’s sucks at cooking and needs help. But not him—Jake Seresin was standing in your doorway looking apologetic.

The new you wants to slam the door in his face, forcing him to catch a hint that the nights you spent in his bed were over. Deciding against your gut you decide to allow him in, for what you’ll never know—maybe he’s here to offer a peace offering.

You still had to work with him still— the dagger squadron is permanent till Cyclone and Cain think otherwise.

Jake goes to open his mouth but nothing leaves it, which is a first. The great Hangman is left clueless not a insult dripping with anger and sarcastic comment in sight.

“Come in Jake” He cocks his head to the side unsure if he really should.“If you want stand outside and look stupid thats fine by me”. You turn on your heel,but before you get far he grabs you by wrist, pulling you into a kiss.

The roses, the wine—he loves me, Jake“Hangman” Seresin finally loves me. You feel the old you try to blossom like a dead flower, attempting to sprout back to life.

“Stop!”You shoved at his chest he falls back alittle. “No, I’m not doing this again with you Jake”. Your cheeks are starting to get red,“What about that woman from the hard deck?”.

His lips slip into a tight smile“She and I are going through a rough patch right now”. Jake steps into your apartment, “Y/n its nothing to worry about she wouldn’t know”.

You shake your head at him,“You haven’t changed?”.

“Oh come on darlin it’ll be like old times”, He stands tall, his hangman smile is fully on display.

You scoff, doesn’t he understand what I just said?

“Jake you have a girlfriend, its make you a cheater!” You jabbed a finger into his chest. “Your cheating on your girlfriend”. He doesn’t give a shit.

“And your such a fucking angel darlin, we fucked for how long Y/n?”. His voice is harsh, anger bubbling—getting ready to explode like a volcano. “Were’s ya fucking halo at?”.

“I didn’t know” you yell back at him—standing your ground. The one bad thing you inherited from your dad was his temper, when your button been pushed for too long.“You must fell from heaven when your father casted you out, huh?”. A low blow that was uncalled for, but he’s taking it there.

“I need you darlin, I need to fuck you!”. he screams, your pretty sure you and Jake are one second close to having the cops called for a domestic disturbance.

“You and I need therapy Jake”, your voice returning to a calm tone.“Fucking you was worst shit i’ve ever done, I’ve been using you as a tool”. You step back from him.“Jake you can’t honestly tell me we aren’t ‘broken’ a little bit, sane humans don’t do this shit”.

Jakes eyes were squeezed closed, your cupped his jaw with your hands.“It’s okay not be okay, but its not okay to be doing this”. You sighed,“As much as I want to, its not healthy Jake”.

Jake opened his eyes, tears were rolling down his face. “I’m so sorry Y/n I just needed a break, I needed a break from being Hangman”.

“A smart guy told me once your no longer in the air, there’s no need to fake who you are”. Your eyes are beginning to become teary, “We need help Jake”.

“Your right Y/n” His eyes were still wet.

“Go back your place and try to figure out what went wrong with you and her”. You gently told him. “Work buddies?”. You had hope in your voice, you put your hand out.

A wet laugh fell from his mouth,“Work buddies”. He shakes it.

[judeswhore]

okay check this out i wrote this a month ago but didn't send it to u but okay here it is jude is your good friend but there's always been a sexual tension between you two. One day you went to a club with your boyfriend and jude went with her girlfriend or a random girl. He sees you having an argument with your boyfriend and he then walks out of there and leaves the club and you're just sobbing like a baby, jude sees that went out and told her date that he wants to leave and he texts you that he is leaving and if she wants to come with him she can, u seeing jude's text, reply him back that its okay she can go alone and she doesn't wanna barge him on his date like that but jude texts u that it's raining outside and he sawyour boyfriend leavingthe club and u realize that your boyfriend had already left.

You come out of the washroom and you looked all messed up your dress is wet because of the spilled drink and your eyes are red. You sat in the backseat of the car and jude's date is just giving you side eye cuz she think your ruining that one night where she gets to have sex with one and only jude bellingham and u can feel it as well. Throughout the whole ride u were quiet and embarrassed cuz jude's date is ruined and he must have saw your boyfriend leave without u and so you were silently sobbing and you didnt even realize when you fell asleep and jude sees you asleep drops his date off and says ," sorry i can't tonight but maybe another time, she's asleep and i got to take her home".

Jude sees your swollen eyes and red tinted cheeks and wet dress and he just turned on by the fact that your do little and vulnerable what your boyfriend can't even cherish and how he wants to kiss u snd hold u in his arms. The way you were dancing and grinding on your boyfriend was making him jealous and he gets an idea and he takes u to his house, changes your clothes and puts you in his bed and when your boyfriend calls you, jude picks up the phone and just says that ,"well she's asleep on my bed call her in the morning" and hangs up the phone.

oh i love this����jude’s been in love with u forever but ofc he’s never made a move bc he’s respectful of ur relationship even tho he knows ur boyfriend is a dick and doesn’t deserve u at all. like ur boyfriend is mean and treats u like shit, he’s definitely cheating on u but ur so blinded by ur feelings for him that u won’t acknowledge it. but things have been rocky for a while and ur finally coming to terms w the fact u and ur bf r gna break up, you’ve been arguing so much and jude has noticed and he hates that ur constantly upset lately bc of the fighting but he doesn’t wna overstep so he just leaves u to it but makes sure he’s there whenever u need him. being out w all ur friends one night and u and ur boyfriend are fighting, he’d been flirting with a girl right in front of u and you’d called him out and he’d been so dissmissive and it had led to an argument and he’d been really mean before storming away and leaving u crying in the corner.

the whole thing leads to jude taking u home to his house bc you’d fallen asleep in the taxi and he doesn’t really wna leave u alone, his own date furious bc she thinks you’ve ruined her chances (she didn’t really have any to start with) but u feel awful. him waking u up to walk u inside and ur sniffling and still crying but now it’s half bc of how bad u feel for ruining his night so ur apologising over and over but jude’s having none of it, kissing the side of ur head and telling u it’s fine he’d much rather be with u then her anyway. he’s so sweet the whole time, cleans off ur make up and let’s u rant abt ur bf (tells u over and over that u deserve so much better), lends u one of his shirts to sleep in before tucking u into his bed w a glass of water and some pain killers, gives u a forehead kiss and again tells u that u deserve better.

ur phone ringing and blowing up w texts and at first he ignores it, gets himself ready for bed but then it’s none stop so he finally answers and ur bf is furious that he did bc he has his suspicions abt jude’s feelings but he has no right after how he’s treated u. ur bf asking where u are and jude’s just like “she’s asleep. yeah, she’s in my bed. well u shouldn’t have left her crying in a fucking club then! ur gna have to wait until tomorrow but i wouldn’t be so sure she’s gna forgive u this time” before hanging up

[aita-blorbos]

Am I (23 F) the asshole for telling my girlfriend (20 F) her secret boyfriend (idk his age M) got me pregnant, resulting in his (and his horse's) death?

Weve been together ever since we were teens and I'm inlove with her, and I thought that she would be with me until she had no choice (her parents really wanted her to marry and have a child) but one day she found this guy and this weird horse he was attending and bought him (and also and started riding the horse ALL THE TIME and it was definetly because the horse is very close to him and she used it as an excuse to spend time with him.

One day I cought her having sex with him and decided not to tell anyone I saw her and him (not even her. She doesnt know I know) and one day she got pregnant so I told my mum and she told me that I need to get pregnant so I can probably become a wet-nurse to my girlfriend's baby like my mum was. It was annoying for me since Im a lesbian and also pretty ugly but eventually I managed to find a guy to sleep with and get pregnant.

Now there was a huge issue with her being pregnant with the horse guy's kid because it would shame her to both have a child from premerital sex (which is too late to deal with now since she already has the child) and because he is far bellow her class. It cant be known he fathered the baby. But people were gonna start catching on!

One day in bed she asked me if I was sick and I rold her I was pregnant and she asked who got me pregnant and I told her it was the horse guy (which she didnt know I knew she was daiting!) It made her sad and today I told her she should sell the horse guy's horse since she isnt going to ride him again.

She tried to, but the guy that she sent to get the horse got attacked by the horse so he defended himself and hurt the horse and so horse guy also attacked him and also died.

My girlfriend ran out to them and held onto the horse guy's body and cried at which point doctors came to help her because she appreantly is having the baby. Now.

[youracecard]

Tw: vent, Sa

Lol. Yap sesh.

Im feeling. Not great again. These feeling are always at the top of my head, I haven't had a moment of peace in the past three weeks. I can't enjoy a time of hanging out with anyone or talking with anyone without thinking of it. So uh, just gonna.. yap here about it. Its hard to talk to any irls about it and i dont wanna annoy my discord pals w more yapping bout this topic

Silly anim becuz. I dont know. I needed to create something.

When i was younger, about 8 or 7 or. Or. Or. I dont remembwr any more. I cant fucking remember. I had a babysitter, his name was. Dumb to me, i guess. John or whatevwr. I only remembwr personal details like that because of his sister, she had the same name as the person who used to be my best friend so i got really easily attached. She was. The one who taught me how to shuffle a deck of cards lol

I remember John bringing me upstairs one day

Its all. Gone. I only remember a few things and i hate thqt. I need to remember, but i dont know how.

"Youre so beutiful!" "Do you have any friends at school?" eh.. not really, ahah.. "I can be your friend!"

"Do you know what sex is?"

"Do you want to try?"

"Its our secret"

"You cant tell your mom or dad."

God. Fuck. Oh my god. Why did i have to be so stupid? What in my stupid little dumb brain saif it would be a good idea?

I didnt know what sex was at thw time. After some years, my parwnts had "the talk" with me.

it all clicked.

i needed to tell them.

i HAD to.

But, i needed the right time.

So i waited,

And waited,

And waited,

I cant remembwr how much time had passed. But, i do remember the sinking feeling of my chest every day. Guilt was building. What if it was too late? What would happen if i told them?

One day, they were coming home

I told them i needed to talk to thwm.

And talk we did

I dont remember anything from that day to thw first day i went to the people who were supposed to help

I rememeber the yellow room, the oneway mirror they hid behind, i remember the little bag they gave me.I still have the pretty blue quilt in my bedroom, laying on my messy floor among a buncha papers.

I was so 'brave'. Apparently though, it wasnt enough.

I recently had a breakdown where i cried at a theater rehearsel, and my dad came to pick me up. He was so mad at me. I couldnt tell him qhat was wrong, i was still crying and my younger sibling was RIGHT thwre. Eventually, he told her to get in the car. Lucky me.

I told him why i had the 'breakdown', and he told me that. The guy was never arrested. Fun. Thats fun. My dad comforted me and made up a lie to tell my siblings, and we went to get some food to cheer me up.

It was. Scary. I feel so bad, I couldnt say enough and that man is still out there. Its my fault. I dont know how to fix myself and just let myself forget. I guess im just gonna be like this forevwr.

I can never experiance a happy moment without thinking about what happened.

[realestgirlalive]

i dont want him and hes an asshole and i liked him less and less everytime i saw him and he makes me feel bad about myself and hes only using me for sex and its not very good sex and why would he want to have sex w an 18 year old girl anyway and i only see him at night and hes always late and hes a snob and he has never told me im pretty and he tries to make jokes about me not being very smart or funny and he acts like everything i do is going to kill me because im dumb despite him doing very similar things and he asked me to have sex again after i said maybe not tonight and he texted me the next morning about nothing and he avoids conversations about hard topics and he never says whats on his mind and he lied to me to get me to come over again and i dont really want him i want an idealized version of him in my head that is nice and likes me and also hes too old and i could never introduce him to anyone not that he wants to be introduced to anyone he basically didnt even acknowledge my roommate when she went outside with me to meet him and he checks his phone while im talking to him like im not saying anything important anyway and his social media presence is embarrassing and hes a narcissist who thinks im obssesed with him and the thing is i still really wish that he liked me because i had so so so much fun hanging out with him the second time we hung out we literally talked for hours and hours and it was really really nice i thought he totally felt the same way but he really never did and it was only about one thing for him. which is fine he told me that kinda but then he lied to me about it but i still remember that giddy feeling when he kissed me for the first time.

[amnotaqueen]

Now He Is Done With Me

So, last night my husband arrived home with our son at 10:15pm. For over 8 hrs, our son was with him and all it looks like they had to eat was a small bag of popcorn that they both shared. I saw the bag with some of it in the trash can in our kitchen. Around 10:30 pm he was eating dinner. They woke me up when they got home (I had gone to bed around 9:15pm). I could not go back to sleep.

I was still awake past 4 am. I had been piddling around and reading and watching some videos on my phone when my husband came in. I didnt get much sleep. In the morning, my husband took our son to the meeting without me. He did not give him breakfast. I did feel ok about it though because I was hoping our son was not that hungry anywayvsince they had eaten a late dinner. Just proves my fear that if it depended on my husband alone, our son would skip mealsand be made to fast regularly.

For the past few days he made occasional attempts to show interest in me, dropping crumbs. For so many years, dropping crumbs worked. I felt so happy to be given the slightest attention, so hopeful that it would lead to a better relationship, that I would immediately act like all was well and so we could move forward in the right direction. Problem was, things never moved in the right direction for longer than 48 hours. The exact same dismissive attitudes, uncaring behavior, unloving and selfish treatment always returned. He always reverted back to showing me that he has no love for me. It's a sickening, depressing, anxiety-inducing cycle.

So, these latest attempts were falling flat on me. I thought he was probably just doing things because someone told him to. But his attempts also came after I had learned to 'grey rock' him for an extended period of time. I had been remaining silent, non-reactive to anything he did or said. This is something I started to do because he is making me more concerned about the welfare of our son, and he is starting to regularly take trips for days telling me I can't go and not providing address and names of who he is staying with. I had decided that it was very suspicious and that especially with his history of having at least one extra-marital relationship (evidence of romantic relationship but no evidence found of sexual intercourse) that leaving me and going places without me indicated that he may be cheating again. I also decided that it was probably in my best interest to not have sex with him so I would not be exposed to any STDs should he actually be cheating on me. We had gone weeks without sex.

He started to come in to say goodnight after not speaking to me all day. After the blow out at Carlsbad Caverns, he heard me telling someone else I wanted to go to Colorado. So he asked me if I wanted to go to Colorado for our anniversary. I had no intention of celebrating our anniversary because, frankly, there is nothing to celebrate. He himself did not offer to do it because he values our relationship and wants to celebrate. He was simply going to take me probably so that he could say that he took me somewhere for our anniversary. If any of his friends ask what we did for our anniversary, he could tell them he took me to Colorado. Im sure he is painting a picture for them that Im well and our son is well and we have a good marriage and happy family.

We have no one to watch our son for us, by the way, and he wasn't planning to spend money on hiring a sitter. So our son would have been going with us on our weekend anniversary trip to Colorado. I told him that I didn't want to go. So he can flip out because I feed our son a meal or snack? Im tired of going places with him and being scared of how he will treat me and our son, wondering if he will abandon us or endanger us, how he will abuse us away from home.

Mind you, he is talking about an anniversary trip to Colorado and coming in to hug me at night all of a sudden when he has recently lied to me about our joint tax refund refusing to give me a copy, and telling me I can't go with him to the UK or to his Nigerian get-together with his friends in Georgia, and refusing to honor his promise to take me stargazing because he became furious when I gave our son two 60 calorie fruit snack packs when our son had not eaten much that day and had good behavior.

So, we didn't go. No sex. I'm learning to accept that he will not change. I want to break this endless cycle of being mistreated and acting like eveything is fine when he wants to have sex. I want to set boundaries to protect myself. I have to regain and protect my sanity. He came in one day, acting like he wanted to talk.

For ten years, our talking has been pointless because he is only interested in talking himself, not listening. He is not interested in true communication. He is interested in dictating to me how he wants things to be. He is interested in me adopting his thoughts and beliefs and never disagreeing with him. Disagreeing becomes a debate to win for him. Talking to him has always led to yelling, insulting, and devaluing me. He doesn't talk to resolve issues and compromise. He talks to inflict pain, to add gasoline to a fire. His talk is empty and circular, often nonsensical, and I just end up frustrated trying to explain to him what he is pretending not to understand. Talking is gaslight time for him.

Plus, why would I talk to a person who lies to me so often and freely. I told him he wasnt honest. He asked me, "about what?" He was fishing to see what I knew he was lying about without admitting he was lying. There are so many things he ies about or leaves me in the dark about. Like the tax return. Like sending money to people in Nigeria. I told him I didn't want to talk. Why, I asked him.

He actually said so we can be more than roommates. I've said that we are like roommates time and again and begged him to work with me, listen to me, compromise with me so that we could apply Bible principles and be more than roommates. He has never been interested. Nor was he truly interested this time.

It was like he was trying to butter me up so that he could have sex with me right before he leaves for the UK . He is never interested in fixing our marriage. He is never truly interested in my feelings. So I had been rebuffing him. He was trying to have sex. I was trying not to have sex. But I knew the inevitable would come.

Early this morning when I couldn't sleep, he came into the bedroom just trying to have sex. No questions like, "Why are you still up? Are you OK?" Just being touchy- feely. I told him that I had been up since they got back at 10:15pm, that they had woken me up. He quickly said, 'sorry'. But he proceeded to try to have sex with me. He didn't care that I wasn't getting enough sleep and would probably miss the meeting. All he cared about was sex. Ultimately, I did not have sex with him. I told him he wanted to have sex but didn't want to tell me the truth and didn't want to take me to the UK with him. He said we could go to the UK another time. I told him that I don't know who he is with or what he is doing when he tells me I can't come with him and doesn't even tell me where he is going exactly, and therefor didn't know if he could be cheating on me and would give me STD.

Eventually, he left the room. Now, I realize that by denying him sex this would cause major problems. Because, in his mind, only he can and should deny me and our son of anything he chooses. He is justified to do so for any reason he likes. We,on the other hand, are obligated to comply with any demand he makes even if it is to our detriment. Noncompliance is never tolerated well. This is an insult to him, a great offense that cannot be forgiven. There is not valid excuse for me to not have sex with him. He can unapologeticallytreat me like a doormat or trash, but I must still have sex with him. He accepts no responsibility for why I would be in fear of him cheating on me any possibly giving me an STD. He said that offended him. But he can't see why I'm offended by him lying to me and telling me I can't go with him to gatherings of friends and to the UK for a friend's wedding.

Basically, he is done with me. If Im not putting out, and he us already good with his citizenship, what use do I have? He certainly isnt willing to adjust a thing about himself to save our marriage and family. He has worked exceedingly hard to own a business, but far, far less energy is put into our marriage. He told me he would divorce me now if it weren't for our son. So, as soon as our son is 18, he is divorcing me. He doesnt care about making things easier on our son. He probably thinks he is going to try to avoid having to pay child support to me by waiting until our son is 18.

When I first got married as a Jehovah's Witness, the idea of divorce was so foreign. It's shocking to me that I'm facing divorce. The way I have been treated by my husband,a fellow Jehovah's Witness, has been exceedingly shocking and devastating to me. I have been traumatized beyond measure. I wish I were a stronger person.

[tkeyahwrotethis]

Look, don't invite me over if you throw another pity party.

I been kinda busy this week just living life while I have a little break inbetween semesters and enjoying being a mama. 

But I did have group therapy this week so I’ll get into it.

The girl that I had one-on-one with this week seemed very sweet. So things started out surface level at first and then she told me what was going on with her baby daddy. 

“I met my baby daddy when I first moved out my parents house and I was in college. He had his own apartment so I moved in with him and things started out good at first but it seemed like he was addicted to his phone so we broke up after a few months and I got a new job and able to afford my own place. Life was starting to feel good and I had a new sense of normal. He worked at a pizzeria close to my new place so I saw him occasionally but it was never anything hostile. 

One day I came home from work I didnt feel like cooking so naturally I ordered some pizza and like if any sane person noticed your ex is ordering from your place of work wouldn’t you send someone else to deliver it? So why would he deliver the pizza himself to my apartment? And it was really late. So I was sitting on the couch and I heard the buzzer and obviously he told me it was him and so I told him I didnt feel comfortable letting him in and that he could leave the pizza at the door. He was calling me cheap saying I didnt even tip that he was going to keep the pizza if I didnt let him in. I just thought he was literally being bratty. So I was like okay sure whatever bring the pizza in. He sat down on the couch and grabbed my purse and just started going through it but he didn’t even take the cash I had and helped himself to some of my pizza. I started feeling a little nervous cuz he’s a big dude. Legitimately he’s a foot and change taller than me. From here he starts talking about the reason we broke up ( texting other bitches, and how he moves on social media). Things started getting me upset all over again so I told him that he should just probably leave. He’s talking about he needs a little drink before he goes. Once we started drinking, we got drunk and it was my bad for kissing him but I still told him it was late, we arent back together so thanks for the pizza and company but you gotta go. & he got upset with me. He literally FLIPPED me on that couch and started fucking me from the back I was so shocked he never never never acted like that towards me before. When he was finished he told me that he’s not leaving. I told him we ain’t sleeping in the same bed so enjoy the couch and he still came to bed with me. The sex was way too aggressive it felt like he hated me and it lasted all night. The next morning he talkin about he was drunk he doesnt remember anything. 

I kept our baby from that night and we started living together again and I love our baby that’s 10 months but I went through his phone while he was sleeping and he started texting other girls and white girls saying how me keeping our baby was a mistake and he wants to have a fully white baby he doesnt want a biracial baby and if he cums in her and she gets pregnant he would leave me and our family because he really wants a fully white family. Obviously I was devastated reading this and when I confronted him about it, he’s telling me he was joking he was just seeing how seriously the girl would take him but he never had any intentions of meeting her or having sex with her. However, it was enough for me to leave with our baby. He watches the baby sometimes and every time I go to pick up our child he always makes it hard for me to leave with the baby it’s never just an easy pick up I always gotta come inside his house and jump through hoops to see my baby and bring my baby home with me. I just don’t know his angle and I’m scared to find out.”

I told her… straight up ur babydaddy is a menace. That “jokey joke” about wanting a full-breed white child should be taken super seriously because yall baby already exists and is mixed race. The baby is a baby now but they don’t stay babies forever. Children and teenagers will know if a parent doesn’t love them. And as a mom, you gotta protect ur baby even from the other parent. You shouldn't leave your child alone with him, but if he HAS to see the baby, meet somewhere neutral to deal with the picking up and dropping off of the baby like set a firm boundary that you can’t just be in the house with him. 

She’s probly still going to go over to his house…