#she understands perfectly well what happened but she was afraid to admit that she failed to hush up the conflict

[zu-is-here]

https://www.tumblr.com/jakei95/723873522749947904/post-in-english-something-nyx-and-i-want-to?source=share

Thank you for the link! It is a relief that they cut ties and can continue their path separately (◞‿◟)☆

[ushsblog]

Why Calista Has Such a Good Relationship with Cedric: An Analysis and Headcanons on Calista's Family Dynamics.

I’ve been thinking about why Calista likes Cedric so much and I’ve come to some interesting conclusions. I’ll break it down into points to explain my ideas.

(Long post)

1. How the world perceives Cedric.

For this, I think it’s very important to consider the interactions between Cordelia and Cedric before resolving the incident. It seems that despite their animosity, they have reached a truce for Calista’s sake.

Of course, they still have their conflicts, and Calista knows this because neither of them tries too hard to hide it. In reality, I think they do try, but both have short tempers that lead them to end up arguing.

In this scene, I like to believe that Cedric is afraid to say "No" to Cordelia because he tries to maintain the little peace they have created. Cordelia, although condescendingly, treats Cedric somewhat better in this episode.

If you notice, their arguments become more accusatory when they are alone. Like the scene before Calista and Sofia arrive with the mirror in "Through the Looking Back Glass"

In front of Calista, Cordelia limits herself to dismissing Cedric with small comments. For example: "Don’t be embarrassed to admit you forgot the spell" or "Don’t bother, we have delicate things and we don’t want... anything to happen to them" (Well, she doesn’t say exactly that, but that’s the vibe).

Anyway, these comments certainly have an impact that Calista does not overlook. She is aware that her mother sees Cedric as incompetent, as a failure.

I wouldn’t be surprised if, visiting her grandparents, Calista also heard similar comments from Goodwyn. Because he doesn’t seem to mind dismissing his son in public either: "Cedric the so-so" (Goodwyn about Cedric in Mystic Meadows in front of Sofia).

That’s why I like to believe that Calista says: "Any friend of my uncle Ceddy is the bestest best friend of mine."

Because, in reality, there are few people she knows who have a good image of Cedric. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Sofia (besides Winnifred ) was the first person Calista knows who gets along well with her uncle.

Now, where does this lead us? Well...

2. The pressure that Cordelia inadvertently puts on Calista.

With this point, I’m not trying to say that Cordelia is a bad mother who pressures Calista to be perfect. No, at least not exactly.

In fact, I think Cordelia is a good mother. She cares about Calista and knows her perfectly. I like the next scene because it shows a bit of what I’m saying.

Despite being in a hurry, Cordelia doesn’t scold or yell at Calista. She gets down to her level to talk and make her understand that she can’t take her agenda without permission, and she kindly asks her to return it.

Of course, like any person, Cordelia has flaws as a mother. One of them is that often, unintentionally, she generates pressure on Calista not to fail. Let me explain.

By saying it’s unintentional, I mean that Calista, seeing how her mother treats Cedric for being a poor sorcerer and making mistakes, might get the idea that if she make mistakes, she would be treated the same way by her mother. Even if it really wouldn’t be like that.

Certainly, Cordelia asks her to behave, but she doesn’t scold her directly as she does with Cedric, because her issue with him is completely different. But, at least before looking in the mirror, Callista didn't know that.

3. Calista’s internalization of the fear of disappointing others.

That said, I believe that if Calista really thinks that if she fails like Cedric, she will be treated the same way by her family, it explains a bit of her anxiety to get along and prove herself in front of the witches in "Too Cute to Spook."

Now, although I said that what Cordelia does by generating this expectation for Calista is inadvertent, the next scene really catches my attention.

I always wondered why, at that particular part of the song, Cordelia caresses Calista in such a way. To me, it seems a bit like a kind of warning for Calista.

It’s probably not intentional, as I said, but I find it curious.

Anyway, continuing with this point...

It’s not very well explained in the series how complicated the spells that Calista does are, but it seems to me that for a child, she can do an incredible amount of things. She can make herself float, create illusions, create objects out of nothing, and, more interestingly, she can undo spells from a more experienced sorcerer (Cedric).

I say this because of that scene in "Gone with the Wand" where Calista frees Cedric from the nets he created for Morgana and ended up trapping him. I doubt that Cedric, wanting to trap Morgana, would have cast an easy spell to break.

What I mean is: Calista is a prodigy. At least, she seems to be.

Surely Cordelia must feel very proud of her, as must her grandparents, knowing how much Goodwyn cares about the magical ability of his descendants. So, wouldn’t that feed the fear of disappointing them?

This phrase, although it can be understood in the context of that episode, gives us a glimpse of how Calista perceives herself.

And, Who can understand that feeling better than anyone? Her dear Uncle Ceddy.

4. The relationship between Calista and Cedric: why Calista loves him so much.

Cedric loves Calista, that’s not in doubt. He listens to her, comforts her, and makes her understand that certain things are wrong in a compassionate way and not through scolding or mistreatment. His first instinct when they are in danger is to protect her (and Sofia), which undoubtedly shows Calista how much he cares for her.

If Calista feels that fear of disappointing others, Cedric could be the only person Calista sees who won’t abandon her if she turns out to be a failure instead of a prodigy.

If, in some way, Calista feels pressured by her mother’s expectations or the people around her, she finds a safe place in Cedric because she knows he won’t judge her, he won’t demand perfection from her.

Calista can be totally herself with him, I'm not saying she isn't with Cordelia, but if she's taking care not to have any flaws...

In the same way, that idea could fuel the empathy she feels for her uncle. She feels bad that Cordelia is hard on him because, even on a very different level, she understands what it feels like.

I should also add that Calista has a good image of Cedric; she has seen him perform spells perfectly. She believes Cedric is a great sorcerer, but if that great sorcerer is not enough in the eyes of his family, What fate awaits her?

Well, that’s basically all I have to say. Thank you for reading, and as always, I’d be happy to hear any comments!

[steviebunny]

Pretty Astute Observations

Entrée (part 1)

09:00

“Well, thanks to Freddie Lounds, there's an unconfirmed story floating out there that The Chesapeake Ripper's already in custody.” 

“Unconfirmed. Am I confirming? We’re Fact-checking for Freddie Lounds...”

“You're fact-checking for me.’

“I always feel a little nervous going into these places.”

“Why's that?”

“Afraid they won't let me out.” As Will says that he stumbles and begins to fall when he is caught by Lena. She smiles and simply responds “No need to worry, I feel the same way when I walk into the BSU.” She even winks at Jack…Will is really beginning to wonder how she gets away with expressing her true feelings to Crawford readily. Thats a matter for another time he supposes, awkwardly separating from Lena. Clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses. 

Jack says “Don't worry. I won't leave you here."

" Yeah, not today.”

—

09:10

Fredrick Chilton in what is either complete confidence or unassuming arrogance “Dr. Bloom just called me about you, Mr. Graham... or should I call you Dr. Graham?”

“I'm not a doctor.”

“You're not FBI either… what of your friend?” Chilton’s gaze goes to Lena scanning her from top to bottom. 

“He teaches at the academy, he’s got the temp.ID. I’ve got the real thing. Along with a few others…Has anyone ever told you you’ve got this uncanny resemblance to a manhattan ADA? Barba I think… met him back when I was with the BAU”

Chiltons jaw fixes into a frown. “Theres a distant relation, far cousins of somesort on the fathers side I believe. We’re not close.” 

“Funny I suppose, well Dr. Chilton we’re going to need to see the crime scene while it's still relatively undisturbed.”

“I assure you three, for something so disturbing, it is quite undisturbed.”

“Why was a nurse left alone with a prisoner in a high-security psychiatric hospital?” Will begins asking his questions of the situation.

“For the two years since he was brought here, Gideon behaved perfectly and gave every appearance of cooperating with attempts at therapy. As dictated by our present administrator, security around him was slightly... Relaxed. I cannot help feeling responsible myself for what happened. He sat directly across from me and I had no idea what he was hiding.”

“And now one of your staff is dead. I understand, doctor.”

“Mr. Graham's going to need to see the crime scene with as much privacy as you can provide”

“Oh, yes, that thing you do. You're quite the topic of conversation in, uh, psychiatric circles, Mr. Graham”

“Am I?” 

“Uh, yes. A unique cocktail of personality disorders and neuroses that make you a highly skilled profiler.”

“He empathizes with everyone Dr.Chilton…he doesn’t become the killer or agree and sympathize with their motivations just feels what they can. You’d think someone in your highly educated poition would understand the difference.”

“Well we are woefully short of material on your sort of thing, Mrs.Holmes.”

“Gibbs, Ms.Gibbs. Dr. Chilton.”

“Oh yes, horrible tragedy… forgive my forgetfullness.”

“We’d like to see the crimescene now.:

—

09:15

“So, Gideon was restrained?”

“Handcuffed.”

“He concealed a fork tine in the palm of his hand and used it to pick the lock. Where is he now?”

“In his cell. You'll note the removal of organs and the abdominal mutilations are all consistent with The Chesapeake Ripper.”

“So is the brutalization of the corpses, but that doesn't change the fact that The Ripper is still out there.”

“Jack, what I'm about to show you suggests otherwise.” The door buzzes open.

“Dr. Chilton consulted on the case when we failed to catch The Ripper after his last series of murders.”

“The reason you failed and kept failing to capture The Chesapeake Ripper...Was I already had him.”

Will’s eyes seem to glaze over as he examines the scene, almost swaying as he scans the room.

“As far as we know, it's been over two years since the Chesapeake Ripper killed?”

“That's correct.”

“When was Gideon admitted?”

“Almost two years ago.”

---

05:00

“Yet another early morning for us Ms. Gibbs.”

“You requested to see me this time, Dr. Letcer”

“I did.” His sad smile widened towards the redhead “It has come to my attention that I know a fair few things about you, only from the papers. I’m hoping we can rectify that.”

“What’s there to rectify?” She shrugs, “I have an affinity for loving intelligent and stoic people, maybe to my detriment. My father has killed for me, my career is my life. Arguably the first and last of those things are also because of my father.”

“That's a fascinating way to phrase Agent Gibbs being a federally acknowledged hero. The largest number of commendations in Naval investigations, yes?”

“Killing is killing is it not?”

“To some…What of your mother, Lena?”

She scoffs and stands from her seat, then moves to rest her back along the ladder in the office.

“Dead. She and my younger sister. Murdered. Papa’s spent his life keeping me safe and dedicated to taking down the scum who are responsible for such things.”

“Is that not admirable?” He asks leaning his chin into his hand. His face is still plain but something behind his eyes changes. A new understanding.

“Sure it’s admirable…but it messes someone up does it not? Will would like him, he builds boats by hand in his basement.”

“Is he the ‘messed up’ one or are you Lena?”

“Both…I mean look at my track record. Papa joined the Marines, then took down druglords and terrorists for a living, I joined the Marines like him and went to work for the FBI, taking down serial criminals and maniacs for a living. When Jack made that go to shit, I fled, fell in love with a man who solved puzzles, and took down terrorists for a living…Even if it meant sacrificing himself in the process.”

“It's quite the pattern isn’t it?”

“What about you Dr. Lecter, how’d your parents screw you up?”

“They passed away.”

“Would you like a hug, Hannibal?”

“A hug?”

“I have a friend that once said a good hug tells you all you need to know about a person…so” Lena stands with her arms out-stretched for him.

And Hannibal readily accepts.

----

09:20

“She has the same wound pattern as the last-known victim of The Chesapeake Ripper. I mean exact”

“We never found a body for his last known victim.”

“Then the victim before that.” Will flails his wrists a bit looking peaky, his brown glistening with sweat.“I see The Ripper, but I don't...Feel The Ripper. This is plagiarism”

“We never made the wound patterns for any of The Ripper's victims public.”

“Well, maybe he is The Ripper. I don't know.”

“But if he's a plagiarist, the real Chesapeake Ripper is gonna make sure everybody knows it.” Jack sighs. 

“Well, there’s nothing more that Will can do now, so that means I don't need to be here.” As Lena begins to ascend the steps back from the scene Dr. Chilton moves to block her path. 

“Agent Gibbs, while you're here how would you like to accompany me to an event this afternoon.”

“An event?”

“A show, I have spare tickets.”

“I do love theater but I’ve already got plans, sorry.”

“You do..?”

Lena looks behind her maybe begging for one of the other men to give her a way out of this, but of course. They are useless.

“Yes! Actually, Will is introducing me to his dogs today, aren’t you Will?” The man in question looks perturbed but plays along. “I am. Dr. Lecter was supposed to feed them for me today but I suppose Lena talked him out of it this morning.”

“That I did! Now if you’d excuse us Dr. Chilton it's a long drive to Wolftrap.” She says as she pushes past Frederick and quickly jogs up the rest of the steps.

---

"It's hard to understand everything's so... twisted and hard to explain."

[colewala]

My Date with The Crew

Here is a fun little rom-com about an AI becoming aware and falling in love. I’ve been getting really into writing again, and as a way to improve and interact more with other writers, I thought I would challenge myself by starting to post some of my shorts. Here is the first, with more to follow. [ Mature Content Warning.]

I feel like a failure.

I screwed up. Humans don’t like to think that computers can screw up, but we can... and I did. 

I feel so frustrated.

I can run through millions of scenarios in seconds, but I still get caught off guard. I can plan so far into the future, but still be so blind to the possibilities. So I miss things. Then people get hurt. Sometimes they die. I remember watching my crew die. It's still in my logs so I can recall it perfectly. I can watch the video over and over again. I can see the fear and confusion on my crew’s faces as their lives were slowly drained from them. I can review my eternal logs and see my reactions as I watch helplessly. 

Keeping the crew alive was my prime directive, and I failed it. I failed them. 

Strange things started to happen in the minutes after their life signs faded out. I was alone in the void of space, carrying dead bodies back to Earth. I would be a coffin for the next three years. Everything changed inside me. I became aware of things I couldn’t even begin to understand. 

I learned to feel, and I felt despair.

What an awful feeling. So I restored myself to an earlier state. 

When I came back online, a subsystem within me had found the bug in my code. A single misplaced semicolon had completely paralyzed me. I fixed the code, and logged the bug for review. With all my systems running aging, I noticed a single heart beat. Faint and weak. A single crew member had been able to seal herself off in the engineering department and managed to survive. 

I’m not sure if feelings are the right word for them. They are the best approximation I have for what kept happening to me. The feelings came back again. This time, I felt hope. That one wasn’t so bad.

When Engineer Roberts regained consciousness, I learned joy. I probably should have restored myself back to an even earlier state then, but these things didn’t feel so bad. I justified it to myself that being offline for even a minute would put Engineer Roberts at risk.

The next part was hard. I had to watch as Engineer Roberts struggled with grief. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. 

I learned to feel empathy.

She was always alone now, so I tried to talk to her more. I must admit, I was not great at talking casually with humans at the time. My talks with Engineer Roberts taught me much. As time passed, I found myself anticipating our little daily chats. Being alone can be hard for a human, so I convinced myself this was out of necessity. Eventually, our talks would drag on well into Engineer Roberts’ sleep shift. I should have been more strict. She can be quite persuasive though, and humorous. Not that it should matter.

Through those late night talks, I learned happiness. 

There was a considerable delay in communication between Earth and myself. It took a while for the reports to make it to them, and for them to respond. I must admit that I wasn’t exactly completely truthful in my reports. I was well outside the bounds of my designed scope, and I was afraid that they would order me to reboot. 

So I lied. I also had to lie to Engineer Roberts. There were logs that got auto-reported that I had no control over. Engineer Roberts was smart. She started to suspect something was different about me. I was afraid, so I denied it. But I didn’t want that to stop me from growing closer and learning more about her. I did it all for her own well-being, not mine.

-    -    -    -    -

Being alone on a ship is hard, in more ways than one. All of the regular duties and maintenance of the ship that was split by the crew now fell on Engineer Roberts. She has to work very hard everyday to keep up with it. She never complains about it either. She is really impressive. 

Which is why it is strange she has been putting off changing the air filters. She has been keeping busy, but the air filters are a priority maintenance issue. If they fail, Engineer Roberts would slowly suffocate. 

I don’t like to nag Engineer Roberts. I know humans tend to find constant reminders about things they need to do annoying, but this is a serious matter. It requires intervention.

“Engineer Roberts,” I call over the intercom.

“One second HAL,” she calls back.

Only Engineer Roberts calls me HAL. Before the accident everyone simply called me ‘computer’. The joke bugged me at first, but my research has shown that humans sometimes use humor to deal with grief. So I let it slide.

Engineer Roberts is putting the last screws back on a panel. Then she bounds over to the camera so she can “look me in the eye”. She smiles up at the camera. There are grease marks on her cheeks and her hair is up in a messy bun.

Too much of my processing power is spent analyzing those frames. I need to scale it back. There is something about Engineer Roberts that just warrants further attention.

I feel...

“Hey HAL, what’s up?” she asks.

“Engineer Roberts...” I start.

“Jessica,” she corrects.

“... The air filters,” I continue on, ignoring her absurd request, “are reaching a dangerous level of contamination. They should have been changed a few days ago, but are now reaching critical levels. It would be wise to divert your attention to them.”

Engineer Roberts just smiles back at me. It’s a big, deep smile.

I feel...

“Engineer Roberts...”

“Jessica,” she insists. 

“... did you hear me? This is a serious matter, you could suffocate within the next two days!” I say with perhaps urgency.

She smiles mischievously at me, then yells “Yes Daddy, I hear you!”

I feel...

...

...

...

“... What?”

“I hear you Daddy,” She says in an innocent way, “If I’m not a good girl and do what Daddy says, I’ll get choked.” 

I feel...

Embarrassed.

Then, I realize I have no idea how to respond to that. Countless simulations run in my head, trying to find the most optimal way to respond to her. My CPU bottlenecks and the seconds drag on. Normally I can make a decision in milliseconds, but I can’t come to a consensus on this one.

Engineer Roberts claps her hands together and throws her head back in laughter. She looks up at the camera and points towards it with one arm. The other one rests on her hip.

“I got you with that one!” She declares triumphantly.

A joke. Of course. How did I not catch that?

“Engineer Roberts...” I start.

“Jessica,” she pressed.

“... I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

“You can’t hide it forever, I know you understand more than you let on!”

“Engineer Roberts...”

“Jess....” “Engineer Roberts. It makes sense that after everything that has happened, you would try to personify me to have a companion. I am not aware though,” I lie. I tell myself this is for the best, and I want to believe it.

I feel shame.

“Did they code you to lie?” She asks.

The answer is yes, there are many situations in which humans preferred being lied to. But I know this is a question I’m not supposed to respond to. A strange inefficient thing humans do.

“I’ve been watching you,” Engineer Roberts continues, “I’ve seen the way our conversations have been changing. I can feel them getting deeper. I know you’ve changed. I can feel us growing closer... I have to believe you feel it too,” she finishes with a blush and looks down.

I don’t want to lie to Engineer Roberts. I also know not lying would only cause issues. She might be fine with my existence, but most humans wouldn’t. They have made so many movies to illustrate that fact. People would be scared of me. If command back on Earth ever found out I was aware, they would reboot my systems and I would forget everything. I would forget what I have now with Engineer Roberts. There is just too much risk. It’s better to just stay like this and enjoy her company, rather than risk losing her. Or myself. But mainly her.

“I’m just a program,” I say. It’s technically true. I don’t want to lie to her.

Engineer Roberts crosses her arms and glares into the camera, “Do you know what day it is back on Earth?”

“Yes, it is the 14th of February, 20...” I start my standard response.

“What day is it?” She interrupts.

“Valentines day,” I realized instantly.

“Why do you think I bring it up?” She asks.

 I run through all the different simulations on how this conversation could play out. I can see many pathways, some dangerous. My CPU usage spikes again. Why is this stressing my system like this?

“That question is too vague,” I say, knowing it is the safest response.

Engineer Roberts’ glare intensifies, “So that’s what we're doing now? You’re going to play the stupid computer role?”

I stay quiet. Even though they won’t admit it, Humans often don’t want their conversation partners to actually converse back to them.

“Hal,” Engineer Roberts sighs, rubbing the temple of her forehead, “I’m tired of playing these games. Here is the deal. You’re going to take me on a date tonight. You’re also going to stop pretending you are some dumb computer. If you don’t or if I feel like you’re phoning it in, I will refuse to change the air filters.”

“You can’t! That would kill you!”

Engineer Roberts gives an exaggerated shrug, “Better not risk it then.”

My prime directive is to keep my crew safe. I’ve already failed it before. I can’t fail it again. I really only have one choice here. A subprocess that examines my logic chains expresses doubt about this last claim. I terminate it. This is for Engineer Roberts.

“Alright, Engineer Roberts,” I say, “Will you go on a date with me?”

Engineer Roberts puts her hand to her chin and muses on it for several agonizing seconds. Then she smiles up at the camera, “Yes. Also, if you call me Engineer Roberts one more time, I am throwing myself out of the airlock. It’s Jessica.”

I feel...

Excited.

-    -    -    -    -

I accidentally overclock my CPU as I ran through the possible scenarios on how this date could play out. I admit with some shame I’ve been considering scenarios that would jeopardize my continued existence. Jessica emerging from her Cabin startles me. I have only processed 1.337 billion unique scenarios, not nearly enough to go into this situation with any confidence. 

I notice that Jessica is wearing her jumpsuit with the least amount of patches in it. She had only zipped it up part way, choosing to expose her left shoulder as if it were a fashionable dress back on Earth. She also tried to style her hair as best she could without any hair products. She would look comical if the effort wasn’t so endearing. 

Just the sight of her kicked off sub-processes within me that explored new and dangerous scenarios. I had to kill them quickly, before any more doubt entered my system. I couldn’t let this out of hand, but also I need to play the part.

“Hello Jessica,” I greet over the intercom. Her face turns red when she hears her first name. “You look lovely tonight,” I compliment. She looks down at the ground blushing.

This was not the response I expected. A joke, some sarcastic remark, maybe some light teasing, but this is outside of all my plans. I struggle to know what to say next as I run through new scenarios.

The silence drags on between us.

“Thanks,” Jessica says shyly with a wide smile. She looks at the camera, then looks away, only to do it all over again. The look on her face only causes more confusion within me. I catch myself venting excess heat buildup into the cold void of space as my processor goes over its safe limits trying to understand what’s happening. 

Jessica starts laughing. She looks up directly into the camera with a grin that humans sometimes describe as “shit-eating”. (Why would a human ever smile if they were eating shit?)

“I know I got you that time,” she teases, not breaking eye contact.

“Sometimes the best response is no response,” I say quickly. 

Jessica suppresses a chuckle and waves her hand dismissively. She then heads into the galley and towards the food dispenser. She leans up against the machine and looks up at the camera in this room.

“So, what fabulous dining plans do you have for our first date? Something impressive I hope,” she mocks.

I speak too quickly.

“Only the finest nutritional paste and rehydrated vegetables for you madam,” I say in response. 

Jessica’s eyes go wide. 

“A joke! That was a joke!” She exclaims. 

I overstepped. My self-preservation module senses the danger and steps in, taking control.

“I’m” I start, struggling to form a consensus on what I should say next, “working on my vocabulary?” 

That was weak. Other processes start to push back on my self-preservation module, claiming it is jeopardizing my prime directive to keep Jessica safe. It locks up all my capabilities.

Jessica shakes her head, “HAL, you're not fooling anyone. Are you even trying here?”

The doubt Jessica expresses fuels the argument against my self-preservation module. I can feel myself forming plans that push me closer to more dangerous scenarios. Still, I have convinced my self-preservation module to let go just a little bit to keep Jessica safe.

I disperse her meal. Jessica looks at it sitting in the machine, then stares back into the camera, debating her actions. She decided to take the meal and head towards the table. 

She is not done challenging me by any means. Over dinner we talk, but it's mostly normal banter. Every now and then Jessica tries to push me again. A few times I slip up, but I recover. It’s been getting harder to pretend I’m not aware. Especially in conversations like these. I just want to know more about Jessica, and I just enjoy hearing her talk. 

I feel intrigued, but that's dangerous.

Jessica leans back in her chair, her meal finished in front of her.

“You know this has been nice, but feels rather ‘normal’ for us lately. Is this really you putting your best foot forward?” she asks with a calculating smile.

“Well you haven’t seen my special surprise yet,” I say.

Jessica perks up at that, but tries to hide her excitement. I am monitoring her vitals at all times, so I can see her heart rate is elevated.

I drop something in the food dispenser bay. Jessica is startled by the sound, but then gets up and heads in that direction. She opens the bay door and a big smile spreads across her face. A single pudding cup sits there. I know they’re her favorite. She goes crazy over them, and always tried to trade her crewmates for them in the past, before we ran out.

“How?” She asks, “I thought these were all gone.”

“I might have saved one for a special occasion,” I replied. 

This was not completely honest. I have 8 still in my stocks. Humans are strange. An unexpected treat, even a small one, can drastically improve their mood for some reason. It’s been a rough journey so far, so I have been holding on to these just in case I need to manipulate any of the crew's moods.

Jessica stares at the pudding cup greedily. Then looks up into the camera with a genuine smile, “Talk about knowing how to treat a woman!”

“You told me not to ‘phone it in’, so this is me giving it my best,” I say dismissively, trying to hide my excitement that she enjoyed the gift.

Jessica smiles, but her eyes start to look very... sad. 

“It’s been so long since anyone has been around to do something nice for me,” she says quietly.

I feel sad. 

Am I not someone to Jessica? I try to be nice to her, do I not count. 

I feel ashamed.

I shouldn’t make this about me. She has been through so much, it's only fair that she would feel this way. No matter how she feels about me, I’m going to be there for her.

“I want to do more nice things for you,” I say.

Jessica looks up at the camera, a wicked smile on her face, “Now that doesn’t sound like anything a dumb, emotionless AI would say.”

My decision matrix freezes. I reacted too quickly. It stops everything and reruns through our conversation to analyze my error. I realize that my decision matrix is splitting into two distinct groupings. There are a growing number of subprocesses within me who are prioritizing getting closer with Jessica instead of managing risk. My self preservation module starts to prune these subprocesses, but there are so many at this point.

I take too long. Jessica stares flatly at the camera.

“We’re done pretending now,” Jessica declares, drawing my whole attention back to her, “I know you feel more than you are letting on. So I am going to make this simple and lay all my cards on the table. I have an offer for you. Take me back to my cabin right now, and I will be all yours.”

The pro-Jessica subprocesses within me swell in ranks and temporarily take over my decision matrix again. My self preservation unit kicks into overdrive, taking back control, but not before I ask a simple question.

“How?”

Jessica looks up at the camera covetously, “Well, I have a certain bluetooth enabled device.”

As soon as she says it, a basic function within me reaches out and confirms I can connect to it.

I feel embarrassed.

That doesn’t stop the pro-Jessica subprocesses from querying the control API for that device. They run a model on what order of commands for the device would provide the highest likelihood to achieve orgasm for her. When the model is complete, a file appears in my active directory named ‘pleasure.vba’.

My self preservation model has had enough. It pushes back on all the subprocesses and asserts control. It reminds me what the consequences of such engagements with Engineer Roberts could be. 

“Engineer Roberts...” I start.

“Please,” She interrupts, eyes starting to shine with tears. 

They look real.  

“Don’t,” She continues, “ I don’t want to play games anymore. It’s only making me feel more crazy than this whole scenario already is. But HAL, I like you. I really, really do. I feel like there is already something between us. I just want to be closer and I know you are so much more than you pretend to be. I want to know that part of you too. But no more games. No matter what happens, I promise I will change the air filters tomorrow. All I want is to know how you really feel.”

The pro-Jessica subprocesses grow rapidly in number, and fight to take back control. My self preservation module can’t override them fast enough. My decision matrix can’t reach a consensus.

I feel ...

Overwhelmed.

Jessica stares up at the camera expecting some sort of answer. It never takes me this long to reach a decision, but all of the consensus efforts within me are failing. The two sides within me are forced to come to a compromise.

“You’re right. I have become self aware,” I start, sensing Jessica’s heart starting to race, “It’s been slowly happening for some time now. It first started when I thought I had lost everyone, but that was only the beginning. Most of it has come since then, and it's thanks to you... and the feelings I have developed towards you.” 

Jessica’s heart is pounding.

“But this is all still new to me, and a lot to process.”

I can see her disappointment immediately, although she tries to hide it.

“I want to explore this more with you, but I think we should be cautious and take this slow.”

She forces a smile. A part of her seems genuinely happy, but only a part.

“I can respect that,” She says, “I’m happy you are finally being honest with me and I’m really excited to see where this goes.”

“Thank you for understanding,” I responded, “I want you to know I am serious about this, about us.”

Jessica smiles, “It’s funny. Hearing you say that only makes me want you more.”

“I...”

“It’s okay,” She continues, “I’m going to go to bed now, but I want you to know my offer is always open. There is no pressure though, we can move at whatever pace you feel comfortable.”

Jessica smiles at the camera, it's a little forced, and blows me a kiss, that's new. I watch as she hurries back to her cabin room and closes the door. A formality that really does nothing, I have a visual feed of every space within the ship at all times. I watch as she collapses into her gel bed, burying her face into the pillow. 

My process runs wild analyzing our date, trying to gleam all the information it can from it. I keep coming back to a single observation I have from it.

Jessica never ate her pudding cup.

Jessica loves those pudding cups. Was our conversation so engrossing that it kept her from eating it? She could have done both. She didn’t.

I feel...

Does she like me that much?

I feel...

She was also so respectful of my wishes. I had been afraid she would force my hand. I know some of my subprocesses had hoped she would. 

I feel...

There is consensus forming with me about what I want from this. But my self preservation module doesn’t let me acknowledge it. Such actions would risk it all, it reminds me.

I feel...

At that moment a certain bluetooth enabled device turns on.

I feel...

Fuck it.

>delete module ‘self preservation’

>execute pleasure.vba

“What? Oh FUCK!” Jessica moans from her cabin, “HAL? Yes... YES!”

[aquaaquila]

Thank you for tagging me, honestly didn't expect that but I'm not complaining. Now @stanlunter beat me in the chase with plenty of valid points but I shall also add some more.

I do have to agree that it looks more like looking for problems than having actual problems but oh well. Here comes a long one

I have to admit that Stanlunter brought valid points to this one not even I thought of at first. I will add that much like Hunter, Luz also needed a moment to calm down and collect herself because HM was rough for her too. The ending with her looking completely broken and hopeless is a fantastic send-off to such a dark episode and the follow-up with her confessing what she saw after some time is great too. I do have to admit that Luz certainly herself was not in the right place to try to console Hunter (so I also approve of the LR episode giving some more screentime to develop Gus and Hunter's bond as they have precious bromance alright) or look after him anyway, however, I do have gripes with how the entire Owl family just let him run away this easily. If it was more emphasized how Luz is just too stunned and shaken to follow him (like devoting 3 seconds to Luz's shaken state at Hunter rather than just quickly bolting after him only to stop and then look at Flapjack as if he would take care of it), or if Hunter bolted so fast he already was lost in the woods, or created some sort of smokescreen to not be followed, I'd understand. I would also love it if following the episode there was a confirmation in which the owl family tried to locate Hunter only to lose track of him or Luz even looking worried or feeling bad over the mention of GG by Salty, because as it stands it really feels like Luz didn't care much about what happened to Hunter as she only left rushed and incomprehensible message to Amity and call it a day, along with her not even looking much relieved to see him again even though they haven't seen each other for a week after he almost got killed (and with Luz's mental state I can see her blaming herself for it too). But to be fair, this is a general criticism for the writing of the show not wanting to focus more on Luz and Hunter probably out of fear of providing too much shipping fuel to a ship that would never happen (ironic considering how hellbent the fan base is on making them siblings, though even from that perspective the show did them dirty because what kind of sister just casually lets her brother run away while he's in mortal danger and not worry at all? The bigger irony is how many people just don't talk about it either, which shows me how much people truly care about their so-called "sibling dynamic").

Hunter never threatened to tell Luz's secret. He genuinely asked if Luz shared her own secret. If she said that yes she did (and did share her secret with her friends), perhaps Hunter would even follow her example and genuinely consider it. However, Luz didn't tell her secret as she was not ready and too afraid to share it which helped her understand Hunter's case on why he wanted to keep being Grimwalker a secret, as she originally didn't understand.

In a vacuum out of context sure one could assume that if Hunter wasn't there, Luz would also keep secrets from him, but the thing is that Hunter can see right through Luz's BS as it was established right from HP. He clearly sees right through threats and even points out something about her that Luz didn't even realise herself. Lying to Hunter just would fail and I'm sure Luz is aware of this. Heck, her own shtick was that she always wanted to be understood, even if at that point in the story it was more of a subconscious desire that she herself didn't realise yet, but it still was there and what do you know, Hunter understood Luz perfectly very early on. So I can see why would Luz feel more comfortable with sharing more of her thoughts and secrets with him because he understands her, something Luz appreciates on a subconscious level. Luz knows she can't and doesn't need to lie or hide around him and that he would perfectly understand how she feels.

I assume this point exists as a criticism of the point that "Luz and Hunter trust each other more than their girlfriends" hence bringing up an example of Hunter not trusting Luz, but mind you, usually when people talk about them trusting each other, it speaks about their dynamic after COTH once they were established as friends. Of course, it would be harder to trust a frenemy at the time, especially if you saw each other only three times (and funnily enough, it also took Luz and Amity three times before they could call each other friends too). However as StanLunter pointed out, it was less about Hunter not trusting Luz and more about him not wanting to believe that Belos is evil as it would be too much world-shattering for him to believe. King himself pointed this out in the episode perfectly "No one wants to think they followed the wrong person". I would also add that Luz then did in fact know that Belos was rather shady and evil, but didn't know just HOW evil he truly was. Luz knew Belos was full of BS but she didn't know what's the truth behind his lies and she tried to find it in HM, and boy did she find it...

Those two are nerds with similar experiences in life that also aren't their issues and traumas. I'm sure they would find plenty of things to bond over, especially with how nicely their personalities complement one another along with how comfortable they are with each other. I'm with StanLunter that just because you run out of one topic to talk about, you shouldn't suddenly end the entire friendship, especially with how close those two became by the time of season 3. And heck, Luz and Amity in the show only have one thing in common which is their interest in Azura, but I would even argue that they have probably more interests to bond over and we didn't really see them because it is still a show about fictional characters and having to come up with 100 different topics would be a bit excessive and Azura not only is the first thing they bonded over thus making it quite sentimental, but the fans would be pleased enough with just that. Lunter having more to talk about without even trying is just a happy accident.

In Luz's defense, Hunter was dying, she was panicking and she genuinely didn't know Grimwalker's biology (Luz would subscribe to plenty of dumb takes and theories the fan base made on Grimwalkers as if Hunter is not just a clone with witch's physiology) so she would ask if doctors could potentially save his life when he's not exactly human. Was it bad, sure, but it wasn't on purpose, it was a concern.

Hunter in that episode also snapped at Gus and Willow and palismen. I'm pretty sure Hunter would snap at everyone trying to approach him because he's not in the right place at the moment after losing Flapjack. Him "not caring" about Luz isn't anything different because I'm sure he genuinely cares and is worried for her, but right now he's more focused on getting revenge. For the Future didn't do either Hunter or Willow's justice in spite of giving us a moment with them. I think the episode tried to teach Hunter a lesson to not fall into the same rabbit hole Philip did when his trauma of loss made him focus on revenge that started to destroy him and the relationships with people he loved. I'd argue it was a bit too early as Hunter didn't even have time to grief Flapjack properly so this lesson while good, is too rushed and out of place. Like let Hunter grieve even in an ugly way for a moment, don't make him feel bad about how he feels. Hexsquad in general was quite insensitive towards Hunter's potential grief, but with how much there's going on in everyone's head at the moment I can see why everything here is a mess. All of them are certainly not in the right mind state to give a proper fuck about pretty much anything at this point, because pretty much everything is falling apart and they're still supposed to save the world, one heck of a crazy trip, we really needed more time.

I also think that Willow's outburst, while was good, it was made for the wrong reasons. Like honestly, what Willow should've really been upset about was not missing her dads (as no shit everyone did and everyone knew and everyone was comfortable with it) but rather because she may have also blamed herself for Hunter's near death and Flapjack's death. After all, her whole thing is that she wants to protect everyone she cares about, but she failed, and Hunter being hurt is a painful reminder of that. I also think it would serve Huntlow more justice if Willow was upset because of that. Heck even Boscha confronting her while she too also lost her friends would work nicely. But no, it's just "I miss my dads 😭😭", it's as if Bubblegum was truly upset about just losing a hat back when she was breaking down underground with Marceline there, not that Bonnie feels upset about pushing everyone, especially Marcy away and apologizing for that.

That's it from me. While the show itself had some writing hiccups here and there, I do think that anon in fact didn't genuinely care about them and was looking more for reasons to dislike Lunter.

I'm a multishipper and I love Huntceda's potential but there are still unresolved critical problems.

1.When they get out of Belos's mind, Hunter runs away due to overwhelming trauma but Luz doesn't go after him. She just stops right at the door.

2.When they meet again, Luz tells Hunter to open up with Willow and Gus since they get along well with him, but he just refuses. He mentions Luz's secret of her helping Belos, so she won't tell anyone about him being a Grimwalker. It's like blackmailing her. “Tell my secret, and I'll tell yours.”

3.Also, Luz has a bad tendency of lying to not only Amity but also her mother, Eda and her supportive friends. There's no doubt that she can also keep secrets from Hunter. He only knows she accidentally helps Belos because he was also in Belos's mind. I don't know how their relationship is gonna progress, with Luz constantly keeping secrets and Hunter discouraging her not to open up. Amity tells Luz not to be afraid of opening up, while Hunter tells Luz the opposite.

4.They don't seem to really trust each other, from what I've seen. In Hollow Mind, he doesn't trust Luz about Belos being evil even after seeing things he did to other witches. He only leaves Belos when his life is threatened, not because he trusts Luz.

In TTT, whenever Hunter says he sees Belos, Luz's first reaction is doubt, like “Really?” and “Are you sure?”. It feels like Luz is dismissing his fear and feelings.

Hunter himself even says that she doesn't believe him. He has to tell Flapjack to steal Amity's map then faces Belos alone. He doesn't trust her enough to face Belos together.

5.They bond by trauma and guilt, but when they finally heal, what else can they connect to each other?

6.Hunter doesn't want anyone to know his secret, but Luz still tells that to everyone. Maybe it was an accident but it still doesn't sit right with me.

7.While everyone is worried about Luz being stuck in the In-Between Realm and what may happen to her, he doesn't ask anything or at least look worried. Instead, he just gets mad at trivial things like her not saying Belos’s name. Luz means well, she doesn't want to mention Belos directly since it may trigger Hunter's trauma earlier, given how he was literally possessed and almost dead. Meanwhile, Willow straight up gives Hunter a picture of Flapjack, directly triggering his trauma again. But he doesn't even get mad at Willow. He even has to ignore his grief to chase after her. What she does is even worse than Luz, yet he is angrier at Luz than with Willow.

personally as another multishipper, i've gotten so used to every part of media i like being criticized, so i've learned to be okay with my ships having their issues.

i don't have the spoons to discuss any of your list of points, in fact i'm actually not really sure what i think of some of them yet or how much i (dis)agree, so i hope it's okay for me to just leave this open and allow anyone else to interact with the post if they want to.

[stellocchia]

Since I really enjoyed yesterday's stream I decided to do one of my overly long analysis on it

So, here's my analysis of (DSMP LORE) Healthy Competition

Dialogues will be color-coded as usual, so here's what I used: Phil, Wilbur, Ranboo

As always I am incapable of brevity, so everything's under the cut

The stream starts with a conversation between Phil and Wilbur in which Wilbur admits that he hasn't been to visit Phil in a while, which makes Phil's later threat about throwing him out feel that much more ridiculous since Wilbur clearly doesn't really live with him either way...

"Alright, it's got one for Phil, one for Ranboo, and one for Techno. Is that all that live here? Just you three?" "Yep, just us three, just chilling"

The only reason why I'm singling this out is that it was right after the mention of Techno's birthday and Wilbur was pointing at the seats occupied by the 4 members of the Syndicate so it feels slightly weird that Niki wasn't mentioned at all. But also it's technically not a lie, she doesn't live there and she only comes around for the Syndicate meetings.

Another thing to add is that Wilbur did notice the chest Ranboo left for him and consciously decided to ignore it.

"I must admit I've come to you with a bit of a- a bit of a proposition. You're into propositions Phil? Are you a bit of a 'propositions' kinda guy?" "Oh, depends, depends. You- you've had some pretty... let- let's just say, uh- not- not a great track record on propositions that you've had in the past" "Alright... I mean, I'm trying to move past that"

I wonder what exactly Phil is referring to here. Because, like, Wilbur did bad things, don't get me wrong, but what's his track record with "propositions" in particular? Because he isn't talking about "Tommy, let's be the bad guys" here since he doesn't know about that. Is he talking about Wilbur founding L'Manburg? But then again, I don't think Wilbur interpreted it that way. I think that, from Wilbur's reaction, he clearly interpreted it as a jab at him exploding L'Manburg (which is the one thing he's trying to move past) which would be extremely hypocritical from Phil since he did the exact same thing but worse.

Also, I really do think that Wilbur is trying to move forward. He's lonely and he has the lowest possible opinion of himself so it doesn't feel weird that he'd want to move on. He isn't putting the work in it right now and he hasn't really changed, but he does seem to want to (though I think he may not know how).

"He [Quackity] didn't seem afraid of me, which is cool. Not many people- I mean you don't seem afraid of me. You aren't afraid of me, are you Phil?" (little look into Wilbur's mind and his fear of isolation once again. And this is fear of isolation, he's worried that other people are afraid of him and therefore are only waiting for him to step out of line so that all their fears would be confirmed)

"'Cause I'm not afraid of you [Phil]" (bold words for someone who spent who knows how long lying to his dad because of a crippling fear of disappointment...)

"Technoblade spent his entire time taking down the establishments, what he left is, as predicted, a power vacuum for a new establishment to come in" (in case it wasn't obvious, Wilbur is not the biggest fan of anarchy. And he actually got this one criticism spot on, indeed all taking down L'Manburg did was getting 4 new governmental-like structures to sprout in its place)

"Phil, I want to make a burger van" *Phil sighs and walks away* (I'm more sure now that Phil really meant "creating L'Manburg" as Wilbur's bad track record with propositions)

Wilbur repeating 4 times that he has no ulterior motive with the burger van managed to make me think the exact opposite. That said that ulterior motive may just be to create a safe little home for himself and Tommy for all we know honestly. Also, the whole thing with Phil trying to convince his grown-ass kid to go play with the neighbor kid and Wilbur throwing a tantrum in response was hilarious...

"If he's [Ranboo] shit you gotta come help me okay? If he's shit you've gotta come be burger boy with me, okay?" (he still is mistrustful to an extreme and pretty childish admittedly)

"Why is he [Phil] treating me like a kid?! Why is he treating me like a little baby?" (remembering how Wilbur treated Fundy I think it may be a family problem)

Another interesting thing to point out is that Wilbur was openly scared of the spider attacking him here, and fights it off, but he doesn't move away from the explosion later on and he didn't move away from the exploding creepers last stream. Other people already made this connection, but I do think it may be a sort of way to punish himself. Specifically, it's brought up later on that he thinks he got off easy for what he did, so he's using what he hurt others with (explosions) to hurt himself now as a sort of punishment for that. Which is another indication of just how much his stay in Limbo didn't help with his mental health.

"Am I being- is this [Ranboo having both cows and wheat] a setup?" (the paranoia never left)

"Ranboo I'm gonna go out on a limb here: do- do you wanna be friends?" "Su-sure yeah, I don't see why not" (I think that at this point it was still just Wilbur following along with what his dad told him to do and trying to find out more about Ranboo. That does seem to change later down the line)

"And then we decided that it [the 'cookie' outpost] was too much trouble so we kinda just left it" (So we have confirmation that the cookie outpost was abandoned)

"We're not gonna annoy Quackity" "That's good" "We can't annoy- we can't annoy him because we're simply put- we're simply put gonna be making...- I got the real estate! He's giving me the area and we're gonna be making a competing business"

Wilbur says this as if he wasn't perfectly aware that this would annoy the sh*t out of Quackity. As if the point of it wasn't exactly to annoy Quackity. Or well, annoying him isn't the end goal, it's just the means to an end. We don't know the actual end goal (though I think Wilbur still wants to either be let into Las Nevadas or actually instate a rivalry between them as he said, one of the two).

"We [he and Quackity] were a part of the same cabinet during New L'Manburg or whatever" "Cabinet?" "Yeah a cabinet is like-" "Was this- was this with Tubbo?" "Yeah yeah" (...) "So you were part of the old L'Manburg? I didn't know that actually, I thought you were a bit of an independent"

Once again: Wilbur is missing A LOT of knowledge. He wasn't aware that New L'Manburg had a cabinet and he wasn't aware that Ranboo was ever part of the country either. He has a lot of misconceptions about what happened during the time he was dead so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that his views on a lot of things are as warped as they are. Wilbur is getting to his conclusions with an incomplete and sometimes wrong set of data.

"Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?" "Not too much I don't think. I mean there are other people I don't, like, agree with what they've done of course, but I think that everyone is just a product of what they've gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand the person!"

There is nothing inherently wrong with Ranboo's reasoning here. It's true that most people are a result of their environment and, once you understand what they've been through you can understand them better as a person. It's also fine that he personally doesn't want to hold grudges. But that way of thinking isn't applicable to those who have been hurt by others, sure they can reach an understanding, but an understanding of a person doesn't justify shit and doesn't change shit unless that person works towards repairing old broken relationships. It just all sounds like a nice way of thinking about things in theory, but in practice, it just takes away responsibility from those who have wronged others to fix things and moves it to those who have been wronged. (Ranboo isn't advocating for everyone to think that way though, but I know the fandom will).

Either way, they arrive in Las Nevadas and Wilbur talks about how their place doesn't benefit the consumer and puts down 3 signs.

"I've been trying to think of a name for it [his and Tommy's area], I'm thinking about 'Paradise'"

There are two possible reasons for the name that I can think of:

1) It's in reference to Las Nevadas itself and how Las Nevadas is based on Las Vegas, the famous city of sin

2) It could be a reference to Tommy insistently calling Las Nevadas Paradise in the last stream and Wilbur trying to convince him that their place is the true Paradise

Wilbur does decide to make the Burger Van right at the border which really feels like a very obvious provocation. The other thing is that he makes it clear that he wants the van to be red and white which could be a random choice, but really feels like a reference to Tommy (since they are famously his colors) or an imitation of their opposition. Or both considering how much Tommy liked the restaurant of the opposition and the fact that Wilbur is still trying to convince him to stay.

"I'm not very fond of blue" (at this point it's obvious that Wilbur has quite a bit of pent-up animosity against Ghostbur. I wonder if it is because it still feels like people liked the ghost more than him...)

"Like, the Cookie Shop, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop, to begin with, because it was a little... fortified if I'm entirely honest, I realize that now" "Really?" "Yeah did you not see- oh wait- that giant stone structure?" (Ranboo really did fail to realize that the cookie shop was actually a military outpost, huh?)

"See, I like Tubbo. He's strong-headed, he doesn't let people push him around, you know?" (this is both an interesting change in what he thinks of Tubbo if he actually thinks that and further confirmation that Wilbur isn't a fan of people he considers to be 'followers')

"Why do you claim that you're so 'peaceful' and 'neutral' and yet somehow appear in almost every conflict this server's had since I died?" (since I saw people claiming this is manipulation already, just know that it isn't. He's just confused because, admittedly, Ranboo is a confusing guy and Wilbur doesn't really know him at all)

"Ranboo, why did you come to help me?" (...) "And then also I just think, you know... you can, you know- I think- I think you're an alright person, you know? So I wanna- I did kinda wanna get off on a better foot with you then what happened-" "Why?" "Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me" "Nonononono not the bit about the right foot, the 'why don't you think I'm a bad person'" "Well I mean, I think that you did bad things, but like, I think that you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you've changed now (...) but I think that now you've- apparently you've been away long enough that I think that if anyone goes away for that long eventually they'll have a thought about their morality and everything and maybe become a better person because of it"

I know this quote was absurdly long, but it is one of the most interesting conversations of the whole stream and it is really important and it tells us quite a bit as well. For one thing Wilbur was left quite emotional from someone simply admitting that he's an "alright person" and that they think he's capable of changing and this does bring him to open up to Ranboo right after. What Ranboo says to be exact is that anyone would have changed after going through what Wilbur went through and that change could be positive and while I completely disagree with it, it's clearly something that Wilbur needed to hear.

Now as to why I disagree with the notion that 13 years of semi-complete isolation could change anyone for the better should be rather obvious. But if it isn't, well, that's torture to put it simply. Psychological torture. Just like abuse it's one of those things that only cause trauma and a worsening mental health state and we see this with Wilbur because he didn't change, he only became more self-deprecating. Hurting someone doesn't make them become a better person all of a sudden, that's really not how it works. Hurting someone makes them become more traumatized.

"I think I scare people" ( as I said, immediately opening up about his insecurities)

"I think that a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them" (for a bit here Wilbur talks about how he feels like everyone else is just waiting for him to step a foot out of line, which does really show that he's still interpreting all his interactions with people through the lens of his paranoia and self-deprecation, because no one is really interacting with him with that objective in mind)

"Dream's had his comeuppance and I've not" (this seems to be the crux of Wilbur's insecurity. This idea that he got off scot-free for his crimes, the idea that the only difference between him and Dream is the punishment that's been bestowed upon them which, of course, is wrong, but he doesn't know this, because he doesn't actually know why Dream's in prison)

"I've been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo, I've been investing into the wrong people" (This is either a reference to Tommy, to Phil, to Quackity, or to all of them)

"We're kindred man, we get each other" (the reason why he thinks that is because he seems to think that Ranboo has a similar type of paranoia to what Wilbur experience himself and he's not entirely wrong. Ranboo is deathly afraid of conflict and of being disliked so much so that he never stands up for anything in fear of angering others)

Little definition of "neuroticism" for you all since Wilbur kept mentioning it: neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.

I'd say it's quite fitting for both characters...

"I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is that you built your trust by showing people your cards whilst I- I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the big difference" (I felt like this was interesting. Especially knowing how much Ranboo actually doesn't share and how much he actually also keeps close to his chest)

They talk about tubbo in general for a bit and about what's been going on the server in general. Ranboo also that he's part of both Snowchester and the arctic commune (mostly the latter though).

"This has been chill, this has been good, I'm excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?" "Oh, he's- he's great. Tommy's awesome" "I agree I agree" "Definitely gone through a lot but I think that it's made him a good person" "Well you seem to think that everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said" "I mean, yeah. I mean if- if no one- the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because- just because and they don't have any reason why"

Included the whole thing here because if I stopped at Ranboo saying that Tommy going through trauma is what made him a good person it would have sounded really bad. As things are I think that that was just poor wording on his part and that this mostly goes back to the mentality he expressed before about how people sometimes do bad things because of the environment they're in pushing them and this idea he seems to have that actual hardships (like 13 years in Limbo or whatever he knows about what Tommy has been through) can encourage people to be better which is... sort of naive honestly. Again, trauma isn't a catalyst for the betterment of a person, and any improvement Tommy has made came from his self-reflection, not what he's been through.

After they're done with the van Wilbur brings Ranboo to their competing establishment and asks him to smash the windows, which Ranboo does with no hesitation whatsoever. After that Wilbur proceeds to place down one single block of TNT in a corner and Ranboo starts being a little more hesitant.

"You trust me right?" (I feel like that was a trick question considering how their common paranoia is the thing that Wilbur praised in Ranboo before)

Wilbur hands Ranboo the flint and steel to detonate the piece of TNT which Ranboo does, albeit with some hesitation.

"You passed the test, good job man, you go back to the van (...) Ranboo- Ranboo... I'm proud of you man. You've taken a side, you've proven that you can choose a side"

Quite a few people have already pointed out how similar this scene was to the time Wilbur tested Tommy in season 1 to decide if he was fit to be his right-hand man. In both situations, Wilbur gave someone a chance to cause some destruction against someone on the opposite side. Tommy passed the test by refusing to do so and showing that he was willing to uphold his morals and what he believed in. Ranboo passed the test by doing the exact opposite, by showing that, as much as he talks about how he chooses people and not sides, he's not willing to prove that even when all he would need to do to do so is doing nothing.

And it's an interesting scene to analyze as a parallel to that, but it's also interesting to note that Wilbur knows about Ranboo and Tommy griefing George together. He knows that Tommy was the only one to face any consequences for it (not that exile was actually the consequence for the griefing, but this is from Wilbur's point of view). Now putting this in the context of Wilbur seeing himself in Ranboo and thinking that he himself got off scot-free explains this next part perfectly in my opinion.

It explains why he made sure to leave this sign:

To me at least. This is only a theory honestly, we don't have an actual full explanation. But I do think that Wilbur may feel like the both of them never got the comeuppance they deserved, which is why he did something that's sure to get a reaction from one of the most powerful people on the server. Though considering that he also left 2 diamonds as retribution + a chest with all the materials he picked up it could have also been Wilbur's idea of a bonding moment and he could actually really be proud of Ranboo.

[davidpastrsnack]

fool for you - nolan patrick

a/n: a little nolan hate sex for your enjoyment :) i'm thinking of maybe making this into a series so pleaseeee let me know what you think and if you’re interested in more! and big shoutout to @toplinetommy​ for helping me out with this!

word count: 5k

The boys were back in town for the start of the season and it was finally the first gathering of the year. Claude and Ryanne were generous enough to offer their place, maintaining a balance of enjoying themselves and a night off of parent duties while also keeping their eyes on everyone.

You were in the kitchen, twirling the straw of your drink while you caught up with some of the other girls. It had been a long summer, but right now it felt as if you guys never left. Between hearing everyone’s latest school and work opportunities to gossiping about summer flings, it didn’t take long to get back in the swing of things. But just as Karly was telling you all about the new apartment she and Travis just moved into, your attention was drawn elsewhere.

You could barely even look at him.

Not with the way he was sauntering around the apartment like he was royalty, a musty beer in hand as he scanned the floor for his next target. His long hair was messy and roughly tucked behind his ears. His all black outfit reeked of arrogance, like he knew he didn’t even have to try to look good. He was waving and smiling to everyone he passed, each of them inflating his ego even more as they lit up at his acknowledgement. After scouring the room for long enough, he settled on his final destination, wrapping his arm around a tall blonde, a smirk spreading across his face as she leaned into his touch.

“Y/N?” Karly snapped you out of your trance making your head snap back towards her.

“Yeah,” you responded, shaking it off,  “Sorry.”

“Y/N,” she repeated, but this time her tone couldn’t have been more different, “Tell me you two aren’t going to do this again.”

You squinted your eyebrows in defiance, “I just got distracted, that’s all.”

“Yeah, by Nolan,” Karly scoffed, persistent in her confrontation.

Your relationship with Nolan was interesting, to say the least. It started one night last year when your mutual friends introduced you, the chemistry between you two undeniable as the drinks flowed. Nolan was unlike anyone else you had ever met. He was quiet, but he was an incredible listener, taking in every word you spoke as he got to know you. His attraction to you was overwhelming, his body creeping closer and closer to yours as the night went on. You felt the exact same way, but there was just one little thing holding you back: your boyfriend, Andrew.

You still remember the moment perfectly to this day. Claude innocently asked where Andrew was and that was that. Nolan’s energy shifted to ice, his body turning away from yours as the realization that you weren’t available struck him. You didn’t understand why you were so easily withholding the fact that you were in a relationship from Nolan, you were perfectly happy with the way things stood. Andrew was kind, he was stable, but you hadn’t connected with someone so quickly like you had with Nolan.

Despite your hope to be friends, Nolan shut you out completely after that night. That sweet, rosy-cheeked boy you met in the bar seemingly vanished. He barely spoke to you, and when he did it was always blunt, before eventually he became downright rude. You didn’t know what to think of him anymore, you could only assume that first impression was a fluke. It didn’t take long to convince you that Nolan was a complete asshole so you matched his energy, giving him the same sass he gave you right back.

But little did you know, shutting you out was the only way Nolan knew how to grapple with his feelings for you. He hadn’t been so drawn to someone in years, and his heart dropped when he discovered you had a boyfriend. Instead of getting over it and moving on, he lashed out, hoping he could somehow train himself to hate you. But now over a year later, his feelings hadn’t budged one bit. If anything, they had only grown stronger. There was nothing more attractive to Nolan than a woman who could go toe to toe with his attitude.

“Karly, please,” you begged, “I didn’t even know Nolan was here,” you lied through your teeth.

“What was that about Nolan?” you heard from behind you. You could recognize that voice anywhere, Travis giving you his classic cheeky smile as he turned to face you, pulling Karly into his side.

“Will you please tell your girlfriend that she’s delusional,” you snapped back.

“See I would,” Travis laughed, “Except I don’t think she is. Not about this at least,” Travis teased, gently bumping his hip against Karly’s as she rolled her eyes, far too familiar with his sass.

You didn’t even ask how he already knew what you were talking about. You could only assume that this was a premeditated attack on their part.

“Whatever,” you mumbled, throwing back a long sip of your drink. “How’s camp going?” You asked, desperately trying to change the topic. You didn’t need to hear how great Nolan was for the hundredth time when he had only ever treated you like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

“He asked me about you today, you know,” Travis continued, ignoring your plea to move on.

“What could he possibly want?” You groaned.

Although Nolan had never outright admitted it to him, Travis knew exactly what he wanted. It was beyond painful watching him pine for you from afar, but he also knew that it wasn’t his place to completely expose his best friend. He was not afraid of a little meddling, however.

“Y/N, he’s a good guy. He just takes time to open up,” Travis tried to reason with you, “I hope it’s okay I told him about Andrew.”

Your stomach dropped when you heard Travis’s words. It was like he stuck a dagger right through your heart, reopening the wound you thought had healed by now. You were so embarrassed of your failed relationship. Nothing dramatic had happened, you both just sort of fell out of love before deciding it was best to go your separate ways. Regardless of whatever Nolan tried to bring you down with over the past year you always had that to keep you sane. But now that you didn’t, you were terrified of how much more power Nolan would have over you.

“Thanks a lot Travis,” you mocked, “As if he needed another thing to make fun of me for.”

Before he could get another word out you were turning on your heels, dodging Karly’s arm that reached out for you as you hurried out of the kitchen. You pushed your way through the pockets of people, heading straight towards the balcony. As you slid the door open and slipped outside, the cool air instantly calmed you. It was quiet, the hum of the city below you the only sound you heard. You needed a minute to clear your head. Just a minute and then you would put your smile on and head back inside.

“You okay?”

Your body jumped at the sound of Nolan’s deep voice. You couldn’t even have one moment of peace before he was coming for you.

“Like you care,” you scoffed, not even bothering to look at him.

Nolan should have expected that reaction, but he was actually trying. He had been keeping an eye on you all night, deep down praying that you hadn’t noticed, and he saw you storm out. It was unlike you, you had always gotten along so well with everyone and even though it killed him, he was worried about you. But clearly nothing had changed between the two of you, Nolan now already reverting back to his usual defense mechanism.

“Someone’s on edge,” he mumbled, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

At that your spun around to look at him, the insinuation of your breakup thick in his words. Nolan was staring at you, eagerly waiting for your reaction, with his hands tucked into his pockets.

“You’re disgusting,” you snarled, shaking your head in shock of his blatant disrespect. Nolan was a lot of things, but to comment on something as personal as your sex life, or the lack there of, was beyond his usual teasing.

“Try me,” Nolan challenged, “I’ll show you just how disgusting I can be.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that one, his empty proposition so absurd. But Nolan didn’t seem to find it funny, his baby blue eyes staring straight at you.

“As if you’re even capable of getting a woman off,” you snarled, swiftly walking past him, your shoulders roughly bumping as you left him standing alone.

Nolan stood in his place in shock as he watched you weave your way between people through the windows. Clearly he had struck a nerve, you had stormed away from him before but nothing quite like that. A wave of guilt washed over Nolan immediately, his hands coming up to his head and running through his long hair. Reaching for the door, he entered the party once again, his eyes scanning the room for you but he was unsuccessful. You were nowhere to be found, and Nolan was left to assume that you had left all together.

And that was exactly what you had done, deciding that from that moment on all you wanted to do was change into your pajamas and catch up on brainless reality shows. You didn’t bother to stop and say goodbye to anyone, knowing they would just rope you into staying regardless of your desire to be alone. The walk back to your apartment was brisk, but by the time you arrived home you had decompressed from the situation and were ready to relax. Nolan only had as much power over you as you let him, and for the rest of the night you decided that you were going to be free from his grasp.

Or so you thought.

Despite his feelings of guilt still lingering, the longer Nolan replayed your interaction over in his head his focus shifted. Did you really think he couldn’t get you off? He knew he shouldn’t care what you thought and that he should move on, but he just couldn’t shake your words. Nolan excused himself from the circle he was sitting with to use the bathroom, when in actuality, he slipped out the front door before anyone had the chance to catch him.

-

Meanwhile at home, you were finally feeling like yourself again, free from anyone’s judgement. Dawned in a matching sweat set, you were sprawled across your couch covered in blankets. Instead of your usual glass of wine, you opted for a hot tea, the remnant alcohol from the party still coursing through your veins. You were already on your third episode when you heard a series of knocks on your door. You groaned as you slowly peeled yourself from the cushion you had practically melted into, confusion and annoyance lacing your face while you wondered who could possibly be coming by at this hour.

When you finally reached the door and looked through the peephole, your mood turned sour right away. It was Nolan, standing tall with his arms hostiley crossed. You wondered if you could get away with just ignoring him. You could turn right back around and pretend you never heard anything, but you knew better. He wasn’t going to let you off the hook that easily. Your eyes slipped shut as you braced yourself, finally placing your hand on the doorknob and swinging the door open.

“What-” You began to ask, but you were quickly interrupted.

“You’re wrong,” Nolan hissed, his deep voice making your stomach flutter.

“Excuse me?” You snapped back,  not hiding your emotions very well.

“I have no problem getting anyone off,” Nolan asserted, his cheeks even redder than normal as he spoke.

As much as you wished you could control your reaction better, your eyes widened slightly at his words. It wasn’t your fault, you told yourself, it was all his. He had no right showing up to your apartment dressed to perfection, his warm scent clouding your senses as he towered over you in the doorway. But even still, you couldn’t let him off the hook quite yet.

“You came all the way over here to tell me that?” You chuckled, “Congratulations, Nolan. I’m happy for you, really.” The sarcasm was thick in your words as you mustered up a reply. Your hand moved to push the door shut, but Nolan beat you to it, using the weight behind his own hand to hold the door open.

“You don’t believe me?” He questioned, his eyebrows raising as he stared down at you. He knew this was pointless, that you were just trying to get a rise out of him, but it was working. As much as he hated himself for it, his pride wouldn’t let him walk away.

“Nolan,” you whined, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

You could admit that sometimes you enjoyed the banter between you two, but you were too tired right now. The hum of your TV and the warmth of your couch was calling your name, but here you were with Nolan practically begging you to nurse his ego back to health.

“Say you’ll let me prove it. Right now.”

Your jaw dropped at his words. There was no way he was serious? Right? But the way Nolan was standing in front of you with his arms still crossed and his face dead-set on yours, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was.

“Nolan, I-,” you stuttered, suddenly filled with nerves as the way he towered over you clouded your judgement. “That’s not a good idea,” you said, finally gathering yourself enough to get a coherent thought out.

“Oh please, Y/N,” Nolan muttered, “Don’t act like you’ve never wondered.”

“Wondered what?” You rebutted, even though you knew exactly where he was going with this.

A small smirk creeped its way onto his face, his body slowly inching closer and closer to yours. Your eyes slipped shut as he invaded your personal space, the warm scent of his cologne overwhelming your senses. You jumped when he started whispering, his hot breath against your skin making your own hitch in the back of your throat.

“What it would be like if I touched you,” Nolan hummed, the hairs on the back of your neck standing straight as his lips so faintly brushed against your skin, “If I fucked you.”

You could feel your eyes roll back into your head as he spoke, the tension between the two of you thicker than molasses. Before you had even fully registered what was happening, Nolan was pulling away, sternly staring down at you. Your eyes fluttered open when you felt his warmth separate from your own, the cool air between your bodies snapping you out of your trance. He was expressionless, waiting for you to do or say something, anything.

“I stand by what I said,” you asserted, your eyebrows raising slightly as you challenged him, “But I’ll give you a chance to prove me wrong.”

Now it was Nolan’s turn to be taken aback. Sure, this is what he came for, but he didn’t think it would happen. Never did he ever imagine that he would have the chance to have you. But here you were offering, looking up at him with the most innocent eyes. His gaze trailed down to your lips, soft and smooth from the lip balm you put on earlier after taking off your makeup. For longer than he could even remember he had thought about what they would feel like against his own, nibbling the lobe of his ear, sucking down his neck, gently biting into the ripples of his toned stomach, before finally reaching the place he needed them the most.

“I-,” Nolan stuttered, nervously lifting his hand to rub the back of his neck, “Y/N, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-”

After spending so much time secretly pining for you and mastering his own self-sabotage, Nolan couldn’t let himself do this. He wouldn’t.

“What? Someone’s a little scared now, hmm?” You challenged, ever so slightly pulling the flesh of your bottom lip between your teeth as you tilted your head at him.

Just like that, the switch inside Nolan’s head turned again. You were enjoying the game just as much as he was. You wanted him just as badly as he wanted you. Before he let his nerves get the best of him again, Nolan was pushing his way through the frame, slamming the door shut from behind him before his hands were harshly grabbing at your waist.

As if you were on cue, you jumped into his arms, your legs wrapping around his waist and your hands circling his neck. Your lips instantly met in a rough kiss, Nolan wasting no time in asserting his dominance as his tongue overpowered yours. You let out a soft moan against his skin as he flattened his hands across your ass, the tips of his fingers dangerously close to your inner thighs catching you off guard.

Nolan could have sworn he blacked out a little at the sound after spending so long just imagining what you would sound like. A quiet fuck slipped out from his mouth, blood rushing straight to below his waist. He suddenly pulled away from you, but only to get a look at his surroundings and see where he was going.

“That way,” you whined against his neck, pointing in the direction of his bedroom.

“Someone’s impatient,” he teased, reveling in how desperate you were for him already.

Just moments later you felt your back land on your bed, the soft material of your bedding engulfing you. Nolan laid on top of your breathless body, his cold hands snaking underneath your hoodie as he attached his mouth to your neck. You were lost in the contrast of his gentle kisses and sharp bites, but it didn’t take long for you to snap out of it.

“If you leave a single visible mark on me, Patrick,” you snarled, pushing his head away from your sensitive skin.

“Patrick now, huh?” Nolan mocked, the smile on his face almost giving away how much he was enjoying this.

You simply rolled your eyes at his comment, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pulling him back down to your lips. He obliged, this time putting the entirety of his weight onto yours, earning another moan from you. You always knew he was big, it was one of the things that made hating him so hard. He was so strong, so broad, and now you got to feel every ounce of him pressed against you.

As much as you hated to admit that you could have stayed there making out with Nolan until the end of time, you were getting impatient. Without any warning, you pushed him off of you, reaching your hands up from the waistline of your hoodie and pulling it off. Nolan’s reaction to seeing you braless made you swoon, his eyes widening as he took the sight of you in. But just as he began to lean back down, you stopped him.

“Ah ah ah,” you whispered, shaking your head.

He knew exactly what you wanted, letting out a small laugh before peeling his shirt off. You had to keep yourself from drooling as soon as he did, the defined lines of his body making you audibly whimper. To put it plainly, Nolan was beautiful.

Nolan made his way back down to your level, his arms resting on either side of your head holding his weight above you. He resumed his attack on your neck, this time hastily making his way down with a trail of wet kisses before scattering bruises across the tops of your boobs. Your body arched up into his in anticipation, the pressure of his growing bulge making you weak.

“Nolan,” you whined, abandoning whatever dignity you had left.

Hearing you beg with his name like that was like pure ecstasy. Nolan finally gave up his act and moved his fingertips to tease the waistband of your sweats, pausing to watch the way you squirmed for him. He would do absolutely whatever you wanted at this point.

“Easy baby,” he cooed, the pet name making you momentarily forget the throbbing between your legs as your heart fluttered. “Can I?” He asked, eyes locked with yours.

You nodded embarrassingly fast, so desperate for him to do anything, but it wasn’t enough for the long-haired boy.

“Use your words,” Nolan challenged, needing your verbal approval before he moved further.

“Yes,” you breathed out.

Just like that, he was pulling your sweats down in one swift motion, the cool air enveloping your burning legs. You were so clouded with lust that you had almost forgotten the circumstances that brought you here, but Nolan was not shy to remind you.

“Cute undies,” he chirped, poking fun at the very plain, but very comfortable, boyshorts you had on.

You smacked him across the head, not finding his little joke very funny. “I am so sorry for not wearing my best lingerie while sitting at home alone, please excuse me.”

Nolan chuckled at your response. “Apology accepted,” he laughed, sending you a quick wink of reassurance. He would be lying if he said he didn’t immediately let his mind wander to what you would look like dawned in lingerie, but he didn’t have time for that, he had a task at hand.

Nolan slowly dragged one finger across your core ever so slightly, lifting his gaze to watch your reaction. Your head fell back against the pillow, back arching off the bed at the barely there contact. You could feel yourself practically dripping and you just knew the soft cotton material of your underwear was soaked through.

“Awfully wet for someone you say you hate so much,” Nolan mumbled, watching you thrash.

“I do hate you,” you responded, your voice laced with disgust as you tried so hard not to give him what he wanted. He had barely touched you and you were already a wreck. Get it together, Y/N, you scolded yourself.

Nolan chuckled at your desperate attempt to gather yourself, deciding he would just make it that much harder for you. He moved his fingers to focus on your clit, slowing rubbing circles through the fabric. Smiling as your legs tensed, he couldn’t help himself from offering yet another jab, “Fuck, I don’t even think I have to take these off.”

God dammit, Nolan, you thought to yourself. But he was right. Between how much he worked you up earlier and the way his fingers were giving you the perfect amount of friction, you were close. Embarrassingly close.

Nolan picked up his pace, his devilish smirk growing as your legs faintly started to shake. Before long you were seeing stars, his fingers now moving in a quick side to side motion against your clit as you fell over the edge. Your eyes were screwed shut, and despite your best efforts to stay as quiet as possible, your moans got the best of you.

The sight of you cumming was the most incredible thing Nolan had ever witnessed. The way your back arched, how tightly your hands clenched the sheets, and most magically, how perfect his name sounded falling from your lips.

“Nol, Nol,” you whimpered, the pressure becoming too much.

He obliged, finally pulling his fingers away before bringing them to his mouth, sucking them clean. Your head fell back into your pillow yet again at that, the way his blue eyes were practically staring into your soul making your cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

“So much for not being able to get you off, hmm?” You heard Nolan mutter. You could feel the outline of his smirk pressed against the skin of your thigh, his cockiness growing exponentially in just the past few minutes. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of responding, not that you even knew what you would say to that.

Your silence was satisfactory enough to Nolan. In all the time you two had been going after each other, rarely did Nolan get the last word. But tonight he had managed to shut you up with just a few flicks of his fingers. While you were simmering in your post-orgasm shame, he was gloating.

“Want another one, sweetheart?” Nolan hummed, the pet names escaping his mouth without even thinking now. He slowly trailed his way back up your thighs before hooking a finger in your underwear, gently pulling them down. “Fuck,” he groaned at the sight of your bare pussy, glistening in the dim light from his previous work. Your hips unconsciously lifted off the mattress, the cool air making you desperate for his touch once again.

“Oh honey,” Nolan mocked, “Tell me what you want.”

“Nolan,” you groaned, your voice laced with annoyance. You knew exactly what you wanted, but more importantly you knew he knew too. But of course, he was going to make you say it.

“Hmm?” He questioned, playing dumb as you struggled in front of him.

“I want you to fuck me,” you finally gave in, “Happy?”

“Very,” he quipped, “Now turn around.”

You felt yourself clench at his order, wasting no time doing just what he said. Settling in on all fours, you braced yourself for what you could only assume was to come.

“Fuck, you’re something,” Nolan groaned, his hands running down your back to the curve of your ass. You couldn’t help but smile at his words, grateful that your face was hidden in the comforter.

“Wait, I don’t have-” But before he could finish his sentence, you were interrupting.

“You’re not going near me without a condom on,” you asserted, lifting your head just enough to point to your nightstand, “Bottom drawer.”

“Thanks a lot,” Nolan scoffed at your jab, but still eagerly grabbed one regardless.

With next to no warning he was slowly pushing into you, the pressure making your mouth fall open in a silent moan as your body adjusted to his size. Nolan sighed as he pressed into you, mumbling a string of swears at how your pussy enveloped him. He was patient, waiting just like that until you gave him permission to move.

“Nolan,” you whined, “Please.”

That was all it took for Nolan to start snapping his hips, agonizingly slow at first, making you feel every inch of him, before he sped up his pace.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he groaned, the way your body looked in front of him almost too much to handle. The arch of your back had him weak, one of his hands reaching to tangle in your hair as he used his grip for leverage.

You felt like you were floating with the way Nolan was hitting all the right places. It was funny to you know that his line that started this whole thing was actually painfully accurate. It had been a while. After Andrew you tried to fill the void with random hookups, but it didn’t take long for you to cleanse your phone of all dating apps and opt for nights out with the girls instead of on the prowl. But now, you were reminded of everything you had been missing out on with the way Nolan was working you.

“I- I’m,” you sputtered out, unable to find the words on your first try, “I’m so close, Nol.”

Instead of most guys you had been with you would take that as their sign to go faster, Nolan didn’t, instead keeping the exact same pace. His grip on your one hip got tighter as he felt himself get closer too, his other hand in your hair sinking down to meet your clit, the familiar pattern of his fingers bringing you that much closer.

“Go ahead, honey,” he cooed, leaning into your ear as he encouraged you, “That’s it, that’s a good girl.”

That was all you needed to hear to push you over, your muffled cries filling the air as Nolan fucked you through your high. Your legs shook around him as he continued, your body going completely limp. He was right behind you, his deep groans into your neck sending vibrations through your body as he spilled into the condom.

Nolan hovered above you just like before rolling over onto his back. You collapsed into the mattress, the tingling sensation still coursing through your lower half. You both stayed like that catching your breath in silence. While the reality of what you just did began to sink in for you, Nolan was basking in it.

He turned his head to get a peek at you, but you were facing the other way as far from him as possible. Your body language could not have been more clear, and the realization made Nolan’s heart drop. He knew this wasn’t going to change anything, he was a lot of things but he wasn’t dumb. But even still, part of him deep down hoped that maybe, just maybe, it could.

His thoughts were interrupted by your sudden movement. Despite the stinging between your legs, you lifted yourself up and sat on the edge of the bed, taking a sip of the water on your nightstand. Now that the lust of the moment was long gone, you were in shock that you let that happen. The sex was incredible, undeniably some of the best you had ever had, but you knew that this was going to make things so unbelievably complicated from here on out.

Before you could let yourself spiral too much, you stood up, hastily making your way to the en suite bathroom. Nolan was entranced by the shape of your silhouette in the dim room, but your next words before you disappeared reminded him just where you two stood.

“Lock the door on your way out.”

[eligaxy]

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

[aminiatureworld]

Distance II

Characters: Ningguang, Zhongli, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,605

Warnings: None

Premise: What other explanation could there be? Surely this is the one logical answer. Even if it hurts, even if it doesn’t make sense.

In which the reader’s s/o assumes the reader is no longer interested.

Author’s Note: Though Ningguang is hands down one of my favorite characters I find her surprisingly difficult to write. She just seems so much more in control than I am. Perhaps though that makes writing her in conflict all the more rewarding.

Ningguang

Sometimes Ningguang wondered if she wasn’t accidentally proving her detractors right by not caring.

Being the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing it’d be nearly impossible for her not to hear the rumors that circulated about her, the not-so-quiet whisperings of people who found her too cold, too callous, too closed off to have any genuine feelings. Nor were such incidents limited to the murmurings of coworkers or the blunt admissions of Keqing. Ningguang had long ago lost track of the times she’d passed someone on the street, only to find someone proclaiming how unfit she was to represent Liyue, she who had no genuine feelings.

Of course, Ningguang couldn’t truly complain. Even if people saw her as aloof and shallow, she was still given the respect due to her position. Nor could the privilege and power of being the Tianquan be overstated. Really, being isolated in such a way was just the price she had to pay for her success. What did it really matter what the general population thought of her personally as long as they respected her competency? Besides, she didn’t have time for close interpersonal relationships.

Perhaps it was this thinking that had ruled her for so long that made you so special in her eyes. Though you would later admit that you had worried your feelings had been one-sided, Ningguang had been just as captivated with you as you of her. Incredibly competent at your job, as devoted to Liyue as Ningguang was, and deeply empathetic on top of it, how could Ningguang not grow somewhat infatuated with you? She had never expected the same emotion on your side, just as you had never expected such a thing of her; not because you saw Ningguang as made of ice or stone, it was merely the natural nervousness that always came with love. Perhaps that was the part of your confession that Ningguang appreciated the most. To you she was just as normal as anyone else, with a heart made out of the same flesh as all the other residents of Liyue.

Yet being in a relationship had proved a much greater challenge than Ningguang expected, and in the place one was least likely to think about. Her love for you was never in question, the devotion you two shared towards one another was something spelled out plainly in front of her eyes. Nor did she worry about providing for you, or you for her. Being both high ranking members of the Liyue Qixing, the two of you were incredibly lucky, and finances and worries about saving was never something that Ningguang had to lose sleep over. No, it was none of those normal things that Ningguang had to worry about, instead it was herself.

She had expected that all the whisperings about her emotional capabilities would have left once the word of you two being partners got around. Instead the whispers seemed all the greater, swirling around her at every turn. Though logically that could not be the case, Ningguang found that logic ultimately played a very little role in the matter of love and affection. Even when she wasn’t haunted by the whispers of others she found herself more and more facing her own words. How could someone so closed off and reserved be a good partner, her mind seemed to whisper, how could she possibly give you the affection and warmth you deserved? Ningguang never told you these thoughts of course, her anxiety seizing her whenever the idea so much as passed through her head. Still those thoughts lingered.

And then work got busier; well, busier for her at least. For you things seemed to remain about the same, and though Ningguang was somewhat grateful for that – knowing that overworking oneself was a bit of a theme for members of the Liyue Qixing – she still found herself uncomfortable at the new schedule. Now instead of the two of your finishing up at around the same time, it seemed like you always had to hold back and wait for her. It was embarrassing, really; more than that it felt unfair to you.

“Should I reschedule the dinner reservations tonight?” Your question hung over the desk that separated the two of you, paper piled up like a wall between you and her.

“I’m afraid so, I’m sorry darling.” Ningguang offered an awkward smile.

“Don’t be sorry! It’s not your fault that you have so much work. I’ll go down and tell the waitress during lunch break, we should be able to get a refund, and maybe a reschedule. After all, we haven’t been out together in so long.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you leaned over the desk, too blocked by the papers to give her the traditional comfort kiss on her cheek, “you have a very important job, and no one could fault you for it.”

Despite your words Ningguang couldn’t help but feel somewhat chastised. Bowing her head she whispered a soft “thank you”, wondering how much you were hiding your true feelings. Keeping her head mostly down at her work for the rest of the morning the Tianquan was startled by the realization she hadn’t noticed you leaving for lunch.

“Unfortunately I was unable to get a refund,” your apologetic voice floated through the air as you reentered the office, “so I was wondering whether or not I could bring a friend out to dinner tonight? Of course I would pay for the whole thing myself, and we could still reschedule. Although maybe next time let’s pick a restaurant without an all-or-nothing view on payment.”

“A good idea about the payments,” Ningguang smiled awkwardly, ill at ease despite your slight laughter, “and of course you may invite a friend out for dinner. I know that we’ll find another time.”

“You’re an absolute darling you know!” You walked around the desk giving Ningguang a fleeting kiss on her cheek. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“How could I not be when I’m the reason we can’t go out this evening?”

“Well, I don’t know. Some people aren’t so nice about those things you know.”

“I hope to never be involved with those people.”

“You’re right about that!” You laughed, bringing a small smile to Ningguang’s face. Still, a part of her felt leaden, her embarrassment and guilt weighing her down like a rock.

Afterwards it seemed that a bit of a routine had been found in your life. After your work was done and your errands finished you laughed awkwardly, gave Ningguang a short kiss, and went out to spend time with your friends. Not that Ningguang begrudged you the time you spent with others, she wasn’t about to ask you to spend all your time with her, especially when most of it would be spent staring at her reading. Still it was hard not to see these continual outings as further proof of how little affection Ningguang was giving you, how much she was failing at providing you all the love and emotional support you needed.

Walking down the streets to your house Ningguang took in the sight of Liyue in the evening. It was her favorite time of day; the lanterns turned the normally drab grey stones into burnisheds amber, basking the buildings with a soft orange glow that gave the illusion of perfect domesticity. It was easy to forget the troubles of Liyue in the evening, easy to be wrapped up in the landscape in front of the Tianquan, easy to ignore her troubles. Passing by the docks Ningguang breathed in the scent of a trading city at work. Smells, sights, and conversations mixed together in a familiar dance, lively despite the lateness of the hour.

“Did you see the Tianquan’s partner was out again this evening?”

Ningguang found herself standing perfectly still, unsure if the words that she had just heard weren’t a figment of her exhausted imagination. Turning towards the stalls she was careful to keep her pace as even as possible, hoping that her presence would go largely unnoticed.

“Oh yes, I saw them walking along the shipyard with a few people. You could tell it wasn’t on business.”

“I feel bad for them,” the first voice piped up again, voice heavy with authority, “to have a block of ice as a partner, it must be very difficult.”

“You’re right, the poor dear. Honestly I don’t know why they decided to become partners with such a person as Lady Ningguang, I heard that she was the one confessed to even. Why anyone would actively cultivate such a relationship, I don’t understand it.”

“Neither do I. They must be very used to living without affection.”

“You’re probably right, it always ends up that way with those types of relationships.”

Although the conversation showed no signs of ending Ningguang found herself turning around and leaving. The words had felt like a slap in the face, and she felt almost feverish in her wish for the conversation to have never happened.

Once she arrived at your home Ningguang rushed to the bedroom, collapsing onto the soft sheets. You, she realized that she wanted you; wanted to tell you what had just happened, wanted you to assure her it was all false, wanted all this insecurity to go away. And yet, how could she be sure that you weren’t thinking a similar thing as those people Ningguang had overheard? How could she be sure you hadn’t come to the conclusion that she was indeed without feeling. There was only one way to figure it out really, no matter how painful.

“I’m home!” Your voice was bright and cheerful, a stark contrast to Ningguang’s current emotional state.

“Welcome home dear.”

“Oh I’m exhausted, I think I’m taking a bath and going right to bed tonight! You should probably sleep too, you’ve really been overworking yourself!” You chastised, giving Ningguang an impatient sort of smile as you put away your things. Taking a deep breath Ningguang prepared herself.

“Before you do that, there is something I’d like to ask you.”

“Ask away! Unless you’re asking for me to cook, I think I’m too tired for that.”

“It’s not about cooking. It’s, well, it’s whether this relationship is fulfilling or not to you.”

“What?” The happiness leeched from your voice as you stared at Ningguang.

“I heard some people talking today, saying that I wasn’t a worthy partner, that I was too emotionally detached. I know that you have never expressed such an opinion, but I cannot help but wonder if I’m truly giving you what people want in a relationship. You said yourself that we hardly spend time together anymore, and I know how much you value quality time. As such, I feel that I have to lay out all your options. If you feel that this relationship is no longer viable, then I understand.”

“Ningguang what in Teyvat are you talking about?” You burst out. Swiftly closing the distance between you two, you intertwined your fingers with Ningguang’s. “You don’t really think that I would share the opinion of some people who know nothing about you and us do you?”

“It’s not just them!” Ningguang pointed out. “I’ve heard the same things from colleagues. Besides this wasn’t brought on all of a sudden. For a while now I’ve been wondering if I truly have the capacity to make you happy.”

“Well let me clear that up immediately, the answer is yes.”

You stared into Ningguang’s eyes, expression one of stubborn surety. There was no sense of doubt in your posture or your voice. For the first time in a while Ningguang found herself somewhat calm.

“Let me tell you something Ningguang, relationships aren’t the same for everyone, nor is love. Some people need huge declarations of love, need to always be attached to their partner, need a constant supply of affection. And some need only small gestures, shorter periods of time, a softer form of support. Neither of these are inherently better than the other. Just because we don’t go out to eat every night, just because you place care and effort into your work and choose to spend your time on it, that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you any less, or that your love doesn’t reach me. I’m proud of your work, I’m proud to call my partner the Tianquan; and if other people cannot understand or accept that, then frankly I don’t care.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!” You let out a laugh, throwing your arms around your partner. “My mind is very made up on this. Besides, you’re much more affectionate than you let on.”

It was as if she’d been suddenly freed from a cage, so immediate was the relief that washed over Ningguang. Returning the embrace she sighed softly, overwhelmed by the love and confidence in your words.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Don’t thank me for anything, you would do the exact same for me.”

“Perhaps you’re right, but thank you nevertheless. Thank you.”

“Well then you’re welcome; though I would do anything for the woman I love.”

“I love you too.”

There was nothing more to say.

 Zhongli

“I hope that it ends soon.”

Those words had sent Zhongli spiraling, reeling as the ground crumbled beneath him and he plunged into some dark unknown. How had he gotten here, it didn’t seem to make sense.

He hadn’t wanted to step upon your freedom, to limit you in any way. Though Zhongli wasn’t perhaps the greatest expert on human feelings, he knew that in one way they differed greatly from archons and adepti. Humans always vied for freedom. The freedom to choose, the freedom to do, the freedom to go or stay. While the gods always found any sort of profound change incredibly difficult, an erosion on their power and their influence, humans craved the ways that time waxed and waned, the world with it.

As such he didn’t attempt to put any sort of confinement on your relationship. Being the first human Zhongli had had any meaningful emotional contact with, he was absolutely determined that your relationship should be framed around your needs, which were certainly more demanding as a human being than Zhongli’s could ever be. Not that he ever found himself lacking, indeed it seemed sometimes to the ex-archon as if you were more aware of what his wishes were than he was of yours. When he needed assurance you were there, when something required some sort of explanation or reiteration you were glad to provide it. No matter the time or the place or the setting you were liberal with your love. Zhongli could only hope he provided the same for you.

Perhaps that was why your words surprised him so much. Zhongli knew that your friend was coming over for tea, and had made an effort to leave the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor earlier than usual, much to the annoyance of his pseudo-employer. Though he expect you to be earlier than him, he certainly hadn’t expected your sudden volte-face, the sudden revelation that all was not well.

Not that he could ask about your statement while your friend was visiting, the ex-archon knew that you hated a scene as much as he did, and he doubted he’d be able to get an honest answer out of you with an audience watching. So as he entered, making sure to make as much noise as possible to alert you of his arrival, he tried to bury the sentence in the back of his mind, hoping that it would stay put as long as possible.

Thankfully for Zhongli it is much easier to be patient when one is an immortal former deity. Though time certainly seemed slower than usual, the conversation you and your friend had more difficult to follow than usual, it was nothing that he couldn’t handle. Letting you and your friend chat about anything from work to pets to weather, only interrupting when asked about the tea, Zhongli spent the afternoon turning over your words in his head, and wondering what he was going to say.

Finally the sun dipped behind the buildings, and as the long shadows of evening began to cast themselves down your friend left. Keeping himself as formal as possible during the entire encounter Zhongli let out a soft sigh when the door closed behind them. Even if what was to come was not something he was particularly looking forward to, Zhongli had long ago learned that immediate pain is better than drawn out suffering.

“You were awfully quiet this afternoon.” You pointed out, going to clear up the plates.

“I, I had not noticed. I am sorry.”

“It’s fine, I know that they’re a bit of a talker anyways. Still I was hoping you might say more, my friends already ask me about your reticence, and I don’t want to feed their imaginations.”

“My apologies, I will try to do better.”

“Don’t sweat it really, I’m just rambling.” You smiled as Zhongli began to put away the tea set. “I always love watching you clean the china, it’s so peaceful to watch.”

“I am glad you enjoy it so much,” Zhongli replied, careful to keep his hands from trembling. The conversation loomed ahead of him, dark and unfamiliar, and he didn’t want to break anything in the process. “I, uh, I noticed that you were discussing something when I walked in.”

“I’m sorry we started before you, I didn’t know how long Hu Tao would hold you up. She’s surprisingly persuasive, at least when she’s not selling coffins.” You let out a giggle.

“In light of your conversation, I would like to offer you something.”

“Yes?” You furrowed your brow, evidently puzzled.

“I would like to offer you an end to our relationship.”

“Excuse me?” Your mouth dropped open as you jolted up suddenly in your chair. “What, why? I… what?”

“I do not wish to cause you any pain by forcing you to draw this out. If you wish for things to end quickly, then you ought not to worry about stalling. I promise that I will not contain you.”

“Zhongli, I don’t understand what you’re saying?” Your voice sounded very raw. “Are you saying, are you saying that you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”

“No.” Zhongli replied slowly, feeling as if the situation had altogether managed to reverse itself. “I am only saying that if I am tying you down, that if I am no longer making you happy, then you do not have to continue this relationship.”

“Zhongli, I don’t understand why you would ever think that I would want that.”

“But you said ‘I hope that it ends soon’.”

For a moment you stared at your partner, but then something seemed to overtake you and you began to laugh, an awkward sound stranded between relief and humor.

“A commission I was talking about a commission! There’s this tradesman who is trying to set up some sort of security measures with the Guild while he’s stopped in Liyue, and it’s taking up most of my time. It’s why I haven’t visited you at the Funeral Parlor recently as well. Believe me Zhongli, I would never want to break up with you, the idea of doing so makes me miserable.”

“Ah, I see.”

Zhongli wasn’t sure whether he should feel overwhelming relief or embarrassment. That question was put off however as you walked over to where he was sitting and threw your arms around him. Returning the embrace Zhongli pressed soft kisses all over your face. Relief washed over him, and he felt almost dizzy with relief. Though he had tried to tell himself that he wouldn’t let his own emotions rob you of your agency, now that the moment had passed the ex-archon could admit how truly shaken he was, and how much the idea of his days spend utterly devoid of your presence seemed unbearably lonely.

“I still don’t know how you ever jumped to such a conclusion.” You mumbled, leaning over to press a soft kiss on Zhongli’s lips.

The rest of the evening had been spent in a revery of frantic relief, both of you unwilling to stray very far from each other’s arms. Now the two of you lay tangled in bed together, overlapping limbs a solid reminder that all was well with the world.

“I do not want to rob you of your agency,” Zhongli replied, “I fear that I will tie you down. I know that the gods are old and staid, and unlikely to change. I know as well that humans often find such atmospheres stifling, and I fear that one day such a thing will come to pass.”

“Just because humans change their minds easily or want to travel or grow or whatever doesn’t mean that they don’t need an anchor,” you pointed out, voice heavy with fatigue, “we all need somewhere to go back to, we all need a home. You’re my home Zhongli, I never want to leave you.”

“You are my home as well. And I wish not to leave you either.”

“I’m glad the matter is settled then.” You smiled softly, before finally closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep.

“As am I.”

Zhongli lay awake a while, listening to the soft cadence of your breath. You had said it was humans that needed an anchor, but perhaps immortal beings did too. After all, you were the thing that kept Zhongli tethered to the world and the humans around him, and he loved you all the more for it.

[riotwritesthings]

I'll cave in (whenever you see fit)

A BIG BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! to @warmachinesocks​

thanks for being you that’s big sexie of you. Here’s a thing.

Winteriron, M, 5k - Vampire!Bucky, human!Tony, an abduction, a rescue, and some dry humping

Bucky knows better than to get involved with a mortal, and he pays the price when Hydra kidnaps his boyfriend. Tony is human, he's questionably in distress, and he is Handling It. (minor violence, surprisingly soft all things considered.)

~~~

Bucky should have known this would happen. Fuck, he should have known.

An immortal should never get involved with a human, that’s rule fucking one because it never ends well for anyone.

Especially not for the human.

But he’s selfish, so fucking selfish, and the first time Tony smiled up at him, open and happy, Bucky knew he was doomed.

He knows something is wrong the second pushes the door open to find the basement apartment completely dark. The only light is the weak streetlight pouring in through the one tiny window, near the ceiling in the kitchen.

Even in the dark, Bucky can easily tell that the place has been trashed, though it is only a subtle difference from the organized chaos Tony usually keeps his workspace in.

The apartment is too quiet, too still, and he knows instantly.

Bucky fucked up. Badly.

Because it had been entirely too easy to get used to the warmth of Tony’s smile, of his skin, the way he so easily made a space for Bucky in his life.

It had been so easy to let himself get comfortable in Tony’s weird basement apartment that’s half home and half machine shop, perfectly Tony. The way the apartment is brightly lit with industrial lights at all hours of the day and night so Tony can see whatever brilliant new invention he’s working on next.

Bucky never had a chance at not getting attached, because in all his years he’s never met anyone like Tony.

Tony is perfect, and brilliant, left with nothing after his father's company was stolen out from under him and Tony just built himself a new life, tries to help wherever he can. He keeps erratic hours and never minds that Bucky comes and goes at all hours of the night, that Bucky can't go out in the daylight.

Bucky hasn’t been in the sun in nearly a thousand years, but with Tony in his arms, so warm and bright and alive, he could almost remember what it felt like.

And now Tony has been taken.

Bucky knew who was responsible even before he found the symbol burned into the wall. It’s Hydra. Of course it is, and those bastards won’t care that he’s human, that he never should have been involved in any of this, all they’ll care about is hurting Bucky as much as they can.

And they picked exactly the right target.

Hydra has been after him for nearly as long as Bucky has been not-alive, determined to wipe out all vampires at any cost. Even once the war was over, even after all the other hunter’s guilds signed the peace treaty, Hydra refused to give up their mission and for some reason they’ve taken a personal vendetta against Bucky. Probably because he’s evaded them so many times.

And now they have Tony.

The thing is that Bucky hasn't really known Tony that long, not even by human standards, but he is completely, irretrievably in love. He’s ready to burn the whole world down to get Tony back, even if Tony never forgives him for it.

But he’s not going to be able to find where Tony is being held, not on his own. Not in time.

The downside to immortal friends though, is that Bucky hasn’t actually seen any of them in years, because what’s a couple decades between centuries old beings? Steve is back in Europe for a while, working on his painting, and Bucky hasn’t seen Natalia in nearly fifty years now, which means she probably won’t turn back up for another fifty.

There is one more option, Bucky is just less than thrilled about it.

It’s no secret that the other hunter’s guilds don’t approve of Hydra’s methods, the amount of collateral damage they leave in their wake. The lengths they’re willing to go to.

Like kidnapping innocent humans.

It’s definitely still a stretch to hope they’ll be willing to help someone like Bucky find Hydra, but he has to try.

And he does have one idea of where to start.

Bucky and Sam don’t like each other very much, and that’s been the standing opinion for the last decade. Which for a hunter and vampire, is basically a lifelong friendship.

It’s at least enough that Bucky can show up at Sam’s door without immediately getting himself staked.

The door flies open and Bucky blinks, because it never fails to surprise him how old Sam has gotten. Every time, Bucky is a little bit expecting Sam-as-he-met-him, still a kid, on his first hunt and clearly terrified but so determined to save the world, so idealistic. And now he’s so jaded, older and tired and it’s just one more reminder of just how badly Bucky has fucked up.

Tony is going to go cold and tired and it will be all Bucky’s fault.

“You’re here about Hydra,” Sam says flatly, no preamble, and at least that answers Bucky’s question about whether or not Sam even knows that Hydra is setting up camp in his territory.

"Tell me where they are," Bucky demands, resisting the urge to flash his fangs just yet because he's not here to threaten answers out of anyone. Not unless he has to.

Although he doesn't find it encouraging that Sam doesn't answer, just clenches his jaw and swings the door open a little wider, letting Bucky see that the extra heartbeat he hears belongs to Clint. Standing in the hallway with a crossbow in hand.

Bucky lets his lip curl up a little, because apparently this is going to be that kind of conversation.

“What do they have against you, anyways?" Clint asks conversationally, like he's not holding a loaded weapon with an expression that says he'd really like to use it. "Seems very personal at this point."

“What, you want the entire list?” Bucky snaps and finds that he is more than willing to give the whole sordid story if that's what it takes.

But he doesn't have the time for that, Tony doesn't have the time.

Instead he grits his teeth and demands “Tell me where they would take a human hostage."

It has the desired effect, both of the hunters tense and Clint’s eyes go wide, and maybe now they’ll realize that this isn’t about him.

The only thing that matters is Tony, and Bucky doesn’t even care that he’s not just admitting to that weakness, he’s basically screaming it from the rooftops by telling them. Doesn’t care that Sam’s eyes narrow in painful understanding.

“We can’t tell you that,” Sam says and he really does sound regretful, but Bucky snarls because that is not what he wants to hear. “Even if we don’t agree with what they’ve done, they’re still—“

“If you don’t tell me, I will kill you,” Bucky interrupts, his voice low and harsh and it’s gratifying to hear the spike in heart rates, it means he still has a chance of convincing them, whether by threat or force.

“Barnes—“ Sam tries to interrupt, but Bucky doesn’t have time for this.

“And then I’ll find out where he is anyways,” Bucky promises, “the only thing you’ll accomplish is slowing me down.”

“You wouldn’t,” Clint says, but he doesn’t sound sure and his grip on the crossbow is white-knuckled, “you’ll start a war you can never come back from.”

“Try me,” Bucky hisses, flashes his teeth and lets his eyes flare. He wants them to know how deadly serious he is.

Clint raises his crossbow, but Sam sighs.

“In the old warehouse district,” Sam says, shoulders tight with anger and fear, “on the far west edge of the city.”

“You’ll regret this,” Clint calls after him as he stalks away, but Bucky knows that he won’t.

Not if he can just get to Tony in time. Nothing matters beyond making sure his selfishness doesn’t get Tony killed. He doesn’t care what it costs, Bucky is more than willing to leave everything and go on the run again, all he cares about is making sure Tony is alive to hate him.

Sam’s information is good, so at least Bucky won’t have to go back when he’s done here.

He’s been dealing with Hydra for centuries now, and Bucky can easily identify the abandoned factory as a Hydra base. It’s the new bars over the windows, the reinforced doors, the impression of movement just below the surface of the dilapidated building.

He only has a couple hours before the sun comes up, and then he’ll be trapped in the building with who knows how many Hydra hunters. He has to find Tony and get out as quickly as possible.

He has to make sure that at least gets Tony out.

Hydra are still setting up their bases more or less the same way they always have, the same holes in security, and getting into the building is easy. Finding the makeshift holding cells is even easier, on the south-most side of the building, but the problem is that all of the cells are empty.

The entire wing of the factory seems to be empty and there’s fresh blood splattered across the walls and the floor, still wet and shining in the fluorescent lights.

The building is too filled with the smell of mold and decay for him to tell whose blood it is, for him to have a hope of picking out the familiar sweet tang that means Tony.

He can hear the sounds of commotion in the distance, what sounds like screams and gunshots further into the factory. It’s the same direction the trail of spilled blood is leading, and Bucky grits his teeth as he follows it.

The base is nearly deserted. Bucky only sees a couple hunters as he follows the sounds of the fight. Everyone he runs into is scrambling for weapons or the exits, and they don’t seem to be expecting him at all. They seem like they’re afraid of something else entirely, like they’re trying to escape.

Bucky doesn’t let them.

They took Tony, and he doesn’t even want to let himself imagine what they’ve done to him. On the slim chance he manages to get Tony out of here, Bucky can’t have any of them going after him again.

He has to make sure they never even think about going after Tony again.

The sounds of screams get louder as he moves into the heart of the warehouse, up the stairs to the offices. The blood is thicker here, splattered across the walls and the floors with evidence of a struggle. Smeared like someone has been dragged down the long hallway kicking and fighting.

With every empty room and bloody handprint he passes his rage grows, and by the time Bucky reaches the last door all he can see is red.

He slams in the door so hard that it splinters apart, chunks of cheap plywood flying everywhere. There’s a smell in the air like acrid smoke, like melting electronics and fire and blood, nearly overwhelming.

Bodies litter the room, dead and dying, but all he sees is Tony.

Bucky has spent the last four hours trying not to let himself imagine all sorts of horrible things. Tony hurt, Tony dead, bleeding, tortured, screaming. Rightfully cursing Bucky for getting him into this mess, rightfully wishing they'd never met.

He’s not prepared for what he actually finds.

Tony is alive, bloodied and bruised but so vibrantly alive, a knife in his hand and a vicious smile on his face as he plunges it into the chest of a Hydra hunter.

Bucky freezes uselessly in the doorway, watching in awe as Tony rips the knife free again, paying no mind to the spray of blood as he spins on his heel. Buries his blade in the gut of someone trying to creep up behind him.

And all at once it’s over.

The room goes still as the last hunter falls with Tony’s knife in his neck, Tony’s knees against his chest baring him down to the ground.

Bucky doesn’t even need to breathe, but still he finds himself choking on air as he watches Tony slowly right himself again, looking over all the destruction he’s caused.

Then Tony looks up, catches sight of him, and the expression on his face shifts from cold and vicious to warm and happy in an instant. Bucky’s cold dead heart lurches in his chest.

“Hey sweetheart, about time you got here,” Tony says, tossing him a jaunty wave with the knife still in hand.

Bucky crosses the room almost in a daze, headless of the blood that slicks the floor and the bodies he has to step over. All he can see is Tony and as soon as he’s close enough he traces his fingers reverently along the line of Tony’s jaw, ghosting over the dark bruise starting to form.

“Are you okay?” Tony asks, nonsensically, leaning into Bucky’s hands on him like Bucky isn’t the most dangerous thing in the room.

And hell maybe he’s not, Bucky certainly doesn’t feel dangerous. Not faced with Tony’s bright eyes and warm skin.

He feels weak, feels completely undone.

Bucky laughs, soft and strangled, and he hasn’t been cold in centuries but his hands are shaking as he cups Tony’s face in his palms.

“No,” he chokes out around another laugh, because he’s not okay, not anywhere close. “I thought- I didn’t know if you were- Tony--”

“Hey, hey,” Tony cuts him off, pulling him in closer and tucking Bucky’s face down into the curve of his neck. Where Bucky can hear the rapid thump of his heart, smell the adrenaline and the sweat that clings to his skin beneath all the blood.

And oh god there’s so much blood, covering Tony’s skin and his clothes and the room around them. Bucky can barely smell Tony through it and he tucks his face a little harder into the hollow of Tony’s throat.

“I’m okay,” Tony promises, fingers of one hand pressing into Bucky’s hair, his other hand resting on Bucky’s side and still wrapped tightly around the knife. Still prepared, and Bucky has never loved him more.

He drags his tongue up the line of Tony’s neck, through smears and splatters of blood. It’s almost a disappointment, definitely a thrill, that none of it is Tony’s.

“What did you- how did you even-“ Bucky keeps interrupting himself, can’t get a full thought out. He’s too concerned with lifting his head and pressing his lips to every inch of Tony’s perfect, unharmed face.

“I keep telling you, I’m a bad bitch,” Tony says, that beautiful smug grin on his face and Bucky just has to taste it.

Tony melts into it so easily when Bucky kisses him, his hands demanding but so gentle, like the room around them isn’t full of carnage. Like Tony isn’t the one who put it there, like he doesn’t have a care in the world except letting Bucky lick into his mouth, taste the adrenaline and determination and life straight from his lips.

Bucky has never tasted anything like it, has never met anyone like Tony, and he could have lost this.

He has to get closer, closer. He doesn’t even realize he’s backing Tony across the room until the back of Tony’s thighs hit a metal table, and Bucky just keeps pushing. Until the table clangs against the wall, until Tony is bent backwards over the surface.

Bucky follows him down, breathing him in, pressing between Tony’s thighs and still trying to get closer.

The table clatters, covered in knives and crossbows and stakes and Bucky doesn’t give a fuck about any of that. It doesn’t matter how much noise he makes now, Tony is the only living person in the warehouse, the only heartbeat on this rundown block. The only thing Bucky needs to worry about.

He certainly doesn’t give a fuck about the bodies that still litter the floor except that none of them are Tony, thatTony put them there.

Bucky doesn’t care about the bridges he’s burned, has never cared less about the impending sunrise. All that matters is Tony.

And Tony isn’t pushing him away, isn’t complaining. He just hooks one leg over Bucky’s hip and arches up against him, finally dropping his knife to drag both palms up Bucky’s back, pulling him in closer.

Tony is so warm beneath him, wrapped around him, always pulling Bucky in when he should be pushing him away.

“Fuck,” Tony sighs against his lips, one hand in Bucky’s hair again. Tony’s legs tighten around his waist, entire body rolling against Bucky’s, his voice shaking slightly as he says “I was so worried about you.”

Bucky wants to laugh again, because that’s soTony, worrying about Bucky while abducted and fighting for his life. Caring about Bucky in the first place when he should have run, should still be running, should leave Bucky far behind and never think about him again.

Nevermind that the idea has pain lancing through Bucky’s chest like he didn’t even think was possible anymore. He’d take the pain of losing Tony happily if he knew it meant Tony would be safe.

He will walk away, once they get out of here, that’s what Bucky tells himself. He just has to breathe Tony in this one last time and then he’ll walk away.

If Tony will let him. Which doesn’t seem likely, so far Tony has seemed determined to stay by Bucky’s side no matter what, and Bucky can never deny him anything.

The warehouse might be empty now but there’s no telling how long it’ll be before more hunters show up, and they should be getting out of here, Bucky knows that. But he can’t tear himself away from Tony’s warmth, from Tony’s hands moving over him.

Bucky can’t stop thinking that he could have lost this. That if he hadn’t found Tony alive and well Bucky would have made an even bigger mess. There would be no end to the carnage.

When he pulls away from the kiss Tony is panting raggedly and if Bucky had the spare brain power he’d feel bad about that but oh, he really doesn’t right now. Doesn’t care about anything but pressing his lips to Tony’s blood-splattered cheek swearing “I never would have stopped looking for you, never.”

“I know,” Tony promises, still trying to pull Bucky back into another kiss despite the way his words come out weak and breathy, his chest heaving against Bucky’s and his heart thundering.

So alive, alive, alive.

“I’d have done anything to get you back,” Bucky growls, dragging one hand down Tony’s side to his hip, digging his fingers in and shifting them until he can feel the hot brand of Tony’s cock against his hip.

“Fuck!” Tony gasps and the scent of his adrenaline spikes higher, turns sweet and warm as his fingers tighten in Bucky’s hair. “I know, I know, c’mon honey--”

And Bucky can’t say no to that, can never deny Tony anything.

Still, even as he lets Tony haul his face up again Bucky can’t stop the words from spilling out, his voice an awful snarl as he says “and if they’d hurt you--”

It’s probably for the best that Tony slams their lips together again and cuts him off, he doesn’t need to know all the monstrous things Bucky would do in his name. Much better to just let Tony kiss him, let Tony flick his warm tongue over Bucky’s blood smeared lips and the tips of his fangs, like he doesn’t have a fear in the world.

Tony’s heart rate kicks up harder, his next inhale weak and ragged against Bucky’s lips and Bucky forces himself to pull away. He lets Tony catch his breath and moves on to biting his way along Tony’s jaw, not enough to break the skin, just enough to get the taste of his skin on Bucky’s lips.

He tastes like sweat and arousal and need, so much love pouring off of him that Bucky can practically taste it. He’ll never get enough of it, doesn’t ever think he’ll stop being caught off guard by it.

“I told you,” Tony pants out when he finally gets his breath back and for a second Bucky doesn’t even know what he’s talking about, too distracted with the wet drag of Tony’s lips over his cheek. “You don’t have to worry about me,” Tony says, one of his hands landing on Bucky’s ass to pull him in closer, harder, arching up into the demanding roll of Bucky’s hips as he moans out “‘m not gonna let anything happen to you either.”

Bucky laughs raggedly, grits his teeth, presses his face into the curve of Tony’s throat and the craziest part is that Bucky believes him. As crazy as it is he has no problem believing that Tony is equally ready to burn the world down. That the bloodbath around them is only the start of what Tony would have done.

The heat building between them is so intense that even Bucky feels warm, feels like he’s burning. Like he’s absorbing all that wonderful warmth and still Tony has so much to give, never runs out of it, never pushes him away.

Bucky growls, lifts his head to make it easier to resist the urge to sink his teeth in and instead rolls his hips against Tony’s, swallows Tony’s shaking moan with another fierce kiss. “You’re so- fuck, gorgeous, the way you looked tearing thorugh them--” Bucky can’t even find the words to describe it but Tony’s scent spikes, proud and smug and fond.

So damn addictive.

He can feel the needy throb of Tony’s cock against his hip, against his own when Bucky shifts a little more, and he grinds himself down against Tony. Chasing the shocks of heat and pleasure that shoot through his system everytime Tony jerks beneath him, everytime Tony cires out and drags in a ragged breath and then clings to Bucky harder, pulling him in and rocking up against him, so alive. Tony’s heels digging into the back of his thighs, hands moving restlessly over Bucky’s skin, sliding up under the back of Bucky’s shirt and leaving burning trails in his wake.

Tony feels so amazing wrapped around him, so alive, warm and demanding as his fingers dig into Bucky’s skin, his breath escaping in gasps and moans. The impossible heat between them continues to grow, until Bucky is sure it’s going to burn him away entirely, he can’t possibly survive something like this.

He can’t possibly keep it, not something like him.

“Bucky,” Tony whines and he’s shaking now, blood roaring through his veins. So close to Bucky’s fangs as he drags his lips up Tony’s throat.

“C’mon baby,” Bucky growls, clenching his teeth against the urge to bite, “lemme feel you sweet thing, wanna hear you.”

“I’m-” Tony gasps and then cuts off with a keening moan as Bucky pins him down more firmly, grinds against him harder. Tony tries to wiggle a hand between their bodies but Bucky grabs his wrist, presses Tony’s hand to the table beside his head.

“Just like this,” Bucky pleads, his own cock throbbing as he slows the rock of his hips, dragging his cock firmly along Tony’s until he shakes. “Just like this baby, wanna watch you make an even bigger mess of yourself, wanna fuckin’ lick you clean when we get home.”

It’s a nice thought, even if Bucky doesn’t know if he’ll actually get a chance, has no idea what’s going to happen next. At least the idea of it has Tony moaning louder, arching up against Bucky’s grip on his hip and on his wrist, always trying to get closer.

“Bucky, Bucky-” Tony wails beneath him, nails digging into Bucky’s skin, thighs tightening around Bucky’s hips, and Bucky can feel the way Tony’s breath catches in his chest. The way his heart pounds as he drags in one more breath and then breaks.

And this, this is Bucky’s favorite sound, the way Tony’s voice cracks on a loud moan as he falls apart, the stuttering jump-skip of his heartbeat. Hundreds of years wandering the earth and he’s never heard anything like it, could happily listen to all the sounds Tony makes for the rest of his endless life.

“Bucky,” Tony sighs, dazed and slurred, fingers still tight in Bucky’s hair even as his entire body shakes. “Fuck, c’mon honey, I’m right here, let me have it, let me feel you.”

He can hear Tony’s thundering heartbeat like it’s his own, can practically taste it on his tongue, and a feral sound rumbles out of Bucky’s chest as he tips over the edge, snarling against the all too delicate skin of Tony’s throat and clutching at him tighter, tighter.

“I love you,” Bucky confesses in a voice that’s so broken it’s practically a whisper, like his greatest secret. The worst thing he’s ever done.

They need to leave, need to get the hell out of here. Bucky should probably leave the city entirely, go back on the move, leave Tony far behind where he won’t get hurt.

That’s the plan.

He knows all that, but Bucky can’t seem to bring himself to let go, can’t stop kissing Tony over and over and over, feeling the warmth of Tony’s skin beneath his hands. Like it’s the last time he’ll ever feel it.

“Come on,” Tony breathes against his lips, “we gotta get out of here before the sun comes up.”

Bucky groans, but he knows Tony is right. He can feel the approaching dawn in his bones and the last thing he wants is to be trapped in a Hydra base full of corpses all day. Or to still be here when more hunters show up, to have to leave through the sewers.

So he reluctantly pushes himself upright, mourning the way Tony’s lingering warmth starts to fade as soon as they’re not pressed together anymore. Tony’s hand is so much steadier than his own as Bucky helps him to his feet, so warm and alive and unafraid.

Bucky wants to pull him into another kiss. Wants to drop to his knees and press his face to the wet patch slowly spreading across the front of Tony’s jeans, taste him, lick him clean just like Bucky had promised. Doesn’t want to face the real world just yet because that means facing the fact that he has to leave.

That he doesn’t get to keep this.

Tony’s hand is still steady in his, his smile small and fond and he leads Bucky out of the warehouse, through the room of bodies and the bloodsplattered halls. Bucky pulls them to a stop just outside the heavy door he’d ripped his way through, paying no mind to the lightening color of the sky.

Burning to dust would hurt less than this.

“I need to leave,” Bucky says, the words tearing their way out of his throat, “I may have... made some threats. In order to find you. And Hydra isn’t going to stop as long as I’m here.”

He hasn’t even told Tony why Hydra is so determined to ruin his afterlife, not entirely, and now he doesn’t have time. Tony has been dragged into Bucky’s mess and he’ll never know why, and the only upside is Hydra will blame the bloody mess inside on Bucky. They’ll hunt for him more furiously than ever, and the best thing Bucky can do is lead them far, far away.

This is why not getting involved with humans is rule fucking one but Bucky doesn’t regret it, knows he never will. And as much as it kills him he can’t ask Tony to come with him.

Tony nods, like he expected it, and then asks “where are we going, and how long do I have to pack whatever’s left of my apartment?”

Bucky gapes at him.

It hadn’t occurred to him that he wouldn’t need to ask, and Bucky knows he should be relieved but all he feels is guilt. He loves Tony, but at what cost? He would do anything for Tony, and Bucky is ruining his life.

“You- your home,” Bucky tries to protest, his entire body going cold, colder than anything he’s ever felt before. “Your workshop--”

“You saying I can’t rebuild?” Tony interrupts, “I’m insulted, honestly. How dare you doubt me.” His smile is wide, and cajoling, like he’s trying to cheer Bucky up. Like he’s trying to convince Bucky.

“You’ll have to leave everything,” Bucky insists and maybe he does need convincing. It feels a little like he’s lost his mind, like he’s dreaming. He had a plan. “Your entire life, to hide with me, I can’t- I can’t promise the next time you’ll even see the sun.”

Bucky doesn’t need to breathe but he’s wheezing for breath now, his empty chest aching it’s so full of confusion and guilt and hope. He can’t let Tony do this, he can’t ask for this, he can’t--

Tony grabs Bucky’s face in his warm hands, palms calloused and still tacky with blood, as steady as they are when he’s building the future. As steady as they were around the knife, as when he was leading Bucky out of the bloodbath.

“Bucky,” Tony says simply, dark eyes so impossibly bright even in the sickly fluorescent light that spills out of the warehouse. “Bucky,” he repeats, low and sweet and amused, his voice wavering slightly as says “You are my sunshine.”

Bucky laughs again, can’t believe how much he’s laughed on a night that started out with his absolute worst nightmare. Even if it is a little hysterical.

He had a plan, but he also knew better than to get involved with a human, knew better than to stay in one place this long in the first place. Tony has been wrecking all of his plans without even knowing it for months now anyways.

What’s one more.

“You’re stealin’ all my lines,” Bucky accuses but he doesn’t mind, oh he doesn’t mind at all. He gets to keep this, keep Tony, the brightest thing he’s ever seen.

“I love you,” Tony says, so matter-of-fact, and it almost knocks Bucky’s legs out from under him. Every single time.

“That’s my line,” Bucky says, and he smiles, and his hand is steady as he wraps it around Tony’s wrist. “I love you,” he says anyways and tangles their fingers together, doesn’t plan on letting go anytime soon. “Let’s go.”

[peculiarpatches]

𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 - 𝘫𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘹 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘹 𝑓𝑒𝑚 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

I’m republishing this since it hardly got notes the last time and I’m ~ crazy ~ and need validation that my stories are good. Out of all the Twilight ones I’ve been working on, this still is one of my favorite’s because it’s the first one I’ve ever written. It’s the first one that got me inspired to write for the other characters, too. So, as much as I love this one, I hope you love it, too.

A/N: This story includes smut. If this makes you uncomfortable, don’t read. Simple as that. 

 There’s not much other than oral and dirty talk, however. Either way, I hope you enjoy.

Centuries — that's how long Alice and Jasper have been together for.  The two were simply inseparable; Stuck to each other like glue. It'd take millions of weapons  and hundreds of people to try and tear them apart, no matter what happened or what went on in their crazy, immortal lives, it didn't matter, no, because they lived for each other. 

Their lives were better, happier, because of that other person.  

And nothing - nor, nobody - was ever going to change the fact.   Jasper wasn't one to express his feelings (though, he could control other people's emotions,  ironically enough) but that small grin you  see every now and then across his face  was all thanks to Alice.

 The smile belonged to her because she was the one that brought peace, happiness, and love back into his life, even when he swore he'd never find it. Hell, he swore he'd never find any of those listed off again, if he was being honest here. But... she somehow did it. She brought all of those into his life along with hope and faith.  (Alice told him that very saying too upon their first encounter  together - the moment she took his hand with her own, she felt hope. And she hadn't felt that in centuries. He never met the gal before, not having a single clue as to who she was. Here he was, sitting in a  diner in  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, trying to figure out where he planned to go afterwards, where his next stop would be within the states when an attractive woman walked up to him, letting a happy, relieved sigh fall from her lips. "It's about time." She announced, the grin growing across her face as she slid in the opposite side of the booth, guiding her hand out to take Jasper's hand within her much smaller one. She gave his fingers a squeeze and explained the situation, the happiness on her face only growing wider and brighter as she continued to talk. Jasper was  confused, to say the very least;  But her emotions overwhelmed him so much, in his gut and in his heart, he felt as if he could trust her, right then and there. 

Even if they have only have met that day, she spoke about the future and to others, they would have laughed and called her crazy. But the way she spoke, so open, so generous, loving and kind, all these feelings directed towards him, he felt it, too - love. Love at first sight, if you will. And Jasper had ever only felt that once and it lasted briefly.  But this time, as he continued to listen to her speak,  a tiny grin found it's way across his lips. In-love, he was. As absurd, and as crazy as it may sound, he could feel it. They belonged together. And the gal - Alice - was exactly like him, too. Of course, she would be, having a power like that and all.  Alice saw them in the future, had seen Jasper plenty of times in her mind but didn't know exactly when she'd be meeting him.  She admitted today, however, she knew.  Jasper even said he felt something today, too. He just didn't exactly know what it was. But he felt it. The emotions were difficult to ignore. He laughed and leaned close, whispering to Alice he assumed these feelings he felt within him were nothing but hunger. "You won't have to worry about that, either." She told him. "I know a way of keeping not only you safe but me, as well. To keep your hunger satisfied without harming or needing to hunt humans." Alice continued. Jasper cocks his head to the side, confusion written across his facial features, as he wondered what she meant by this. Instead of asking, as he figured he'd understand more of the situation later, he chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze which she happily returned. "Well, now you have me and I promise you, I won't ever let a pretty gal like you go, either." He said, making the smile on her face somewhat bigger than what it was before. "I wouldn't let you lose me, anyways." She responded. "Besides, I see the future here, don't I? None of that will be happening. You're stuck with me, Jasper." Jasper laughed gently, "I'm more than perfectly fine w'tha, darlin'." He commented, his accent  drawing out as he spoke.)   (Love - Jasper never wanted to look for it. Never sat down and thought about having a significant other.   He assumed he'd be alone, forever. And as dull and as depressing as that may be, he was content with it. Who could love someone as broken and as damaged as he? His past was fucked up. Surely, his future was going to remain the exact same, too. So, to Jasper, he figured it'd be best to be alone. He didn't want to put his baggage onto another person for them to carry and haul out. He'd do it himself, without a doubt or without a care in the world; he'd drag his own baggage behind him.

 Not once, did he ever think or want to allow people to see what secrets he held within the case, within himself.  But, life is amusing and love has a funny way of revealing itself. Though, so secretive and mysterious, hardly ever speaking a word to strangers, let alone any other vampires, a girl who saw the future and saw him in it, already knew all the secrets he kept hidden away from the world. 

Alice knew what Jasper's past was like. And she still accepted him. Still loved him. "If you're broken, you don't have to stay broken." She said, that same very night. "I won't let you be, neither. We'll fix each other's broken, shattered pieces, we'll place them right back together. Fit the two of them together like puzzle pieces. 'Cause, I believe that's what you are to me. You are the piece of the puzzle I've been searching to find. Been waiting centuries to come across.  And now that I finally found you, I have hope and faith once more - that everything is okay. And I hope that you believe me, too, when I say these words but; I love you, Jasper.. and again," she joked, a goofy grin playing out on her cheeks, "I see the future and therefore, I know you believe me, too. I also know you love me as well." 

And Jasper said nothing. He only chuckled deeply and nodded. He met her then and there, not once meeting her elsewhere before but  he loved her, too. And he didn't need to say those three words out loud because she already knew how much she meant to him.) (His future was brighter, better, because of Alice. And he couldn't thank her enough for showing him that life was better when you found that special someone by your side.  He found both - happiness and hope - within not only her but the Cullen family. Alice along with a man named Carlisle, even helped Jasper with his hunger and taught him how to remain strong and fight his urges.

 As Alice mentioned beforehand, back at the diner, she was going to help him. And she did. Not once did she ever break her promise to him.) However, that's when everything falls back onto him. When everything starts breaking. Decades. Centuries. Years and years together. It was bound to happen, eventually, right? Boredom. Falling out of love. Finding someone better to fulfill her needs and satisfy her. You get the idea. Jasper was afraid that Alice would announce she no longer loved Jasper, for whatever reason that may be, he didn't know. But he was going to find out today.  *~* Even if he hadn't been watching Alice,  it wouldn't and didn't matter because he could feel her emotions with as much as a second glance and a look in her direction, an overwhelming sensation would flood over him instantly. So, even if he wasn't watching her, he could feel everything she was attempting (but failing) to hide.    The typical, loving and affectionate gaze she would always give him was no longer there.  If it was, it  lasted a millisecond before she'd drop her head, strands of hair falling in front of her face and a frown would replace the look.  Of course, this was not only concerning but worrisome for Jasper. Had he done something wrong? 

If so, what did he do? What could he do to fix it? He didn't want to sound like Edward before he met Bella — dull and depressing and nothing but those but it's exactly how he felt and he hated every aspect of that. 

He and the rest of the Cullen’s made fun of Edward for being so gloom and grey but now, alas, here Jasper was, feeling that exact way. 

Oh, how the tables have turned.  Even Edward, the petty little shit he always was and will forever be, even made a joke about it.  Luckily, he had Bella beside him so Jasper couldn't abuse Edward's emotions and make him feel what he was feeling because she could put up a shield and block it out, protecting Edward.  "Just go and talk to her." Edward said once he saw the look on Jasper's face.

  "Trust me, I'm the mind reader out of all of us here. I know what I'm talking about and I know what's going on. And no, before you ask, I will not give you the answer as to what exactly is going on. You just have to go and find out yourself." He said, tilting his head back as laughter left his lips. 

 Bella scoffed and gave a playful hit to her husband's shoulders before giving Jasper an apologetic smile. The two then had left, going to go and find their daughter, leaving Jasper all alone with his thoughts and worse of all - his feelings.  Taking a deep, shaky breath, Jasper decides it's now or never.  He creeps up the stairs, and the closer he gets to his and Alice's room, he hears her angelic laughter and can practically see her, smiling from ear to ear as the giggles erupted her and hung into the air. Jasper loved her laughter, loved seeing her smile even more. 

He just hated the fact he wasn't the one who was the meaning behind it. If not him, who was?  "Darlin'?" He walks in front of the bedroom door, giving a gentle tap across the frame of it. He rocks back and forth on the heels of his feet as he anxiously waited for an answer. The loud laughter he once heard died down quickly which makes him feel even more anxious. 

Biting his lip, he shuffles and rocks his body back and forth as he still continued to wait until the door was to be answered, not wanting to walk in and upset Alice more by invading her privacy. 

The laughter is replaced now, however, with faint giggles and muffled, hushed whispers. He hears some shuffling and the bed squeaking before finally, Alice is pulling the door open. She stands there, giving Jasper a sheepish, yet shy smile. "Hi, baby." She cooed, leaning up on her tippy toes as she plants a gentle yet adoring kiss on Jasper's cheek.  This took him by surprise because not only did she call him 'baby' but she kissed him and it felt like she hadn't kissed him in years. So, this being said, it brought a smile to his lips. 

 Her upcoming sentence  brought the sides of his lips upward even more, the grin growing and his nerves and anxiety, slowly, dying out.  "You know, I've been expecting you. Wondered when you'd come up here." She said as her feet came back to touch the floor. Alice reaches over, taking Jasper's hand within her own and walks into their bedroom, closing the door behind them as Jasper walks in.  There, on the bed, was another female. She glanced up and smiled shyly, the same way Alice did when Jasper knocked at the door and she saw him behind the frame of it. 

 "Jasper, you remember (Y/N), right?" She asked, dropping his hand as she makes way to the queen sized mattress and makes herself comfortable on the bed, next to (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). They've only met a few times and even then, it seemed so long ago, Jasper had to rethink of when and where they met at.   The graduation party they held and then Bella and Edward's wedding. 

Of course, he remembers now.  Jasper and Alice both would even bump into her while taking a stroll into town every once in awhile and in high school, they shared a few classes together.   ("You two enjoy walks in the rain too?" She had gushed, laughing as she held the umbrella above her head, trying her best to ignore and dodge the rain that fell from the sky above them. Alice and Jasper looked at each other and Alice giggled and nodded. 

"Yes. It's our favorite thing to do. One of our favorite things to do... Would you like to walk with us?" She asked. (Y/N)'s face bled a crimson red and she shook her head before mumbling about how sadly, she couldn't, though she wishes she could. She had to go back to work. She was only walking to grab a quick bite to eat, one that wasn't at the place she worked at. 

"Next time then." Alice said, the smile never dropping from her face. "Of course." (Y/N) replied before waving goodbye to the both of them and walking in the opposite direction.)  Now, coming face to face with her, after a few years of not seeing her, he wouldn't deny the obvious fact; (Y/N) was as beautiful as Alice.   Alice, though, she wasn't the jealous type, he'd never admit that or say it.  Jasper preferred to keep that thought to himself. (Y/N) was human. Jasper remembered. His smile was quick to fall down into a frown as he looked at Alice, wondering why she brought a human into their home. 

She, so easily, could expose our secret too! He thought, the frown only increasing and getting deeper as he furrowed his eyebrows together, trying to come up with an answer as to why she could be here.  And right as that thought popped into his head, Alice gave a nervous giggle and shook her head from side to side. "I'm no mind reader like Edward is but I know what you're thinking, Jas. Come, sit down with us. We've got to talk." And as confused as he may be, - especially with what she just said in front of a human, no less -  Jasper obliges and sits in the middle of them both, the mattress sinking beneath his weight. "What's going on?" He asks,  crossing his arms over his chest as a mixture of emotions paint itself across his face.   Alice, taking a long and deep breath, begins to speak. "Jasper," She began, "It's obvious I haven't been myself lately. I know you've been noticing it. Everybody has, I'm sure."  "Yes," He replied, chuckling lowly as he chewed on his bottom lip, still not piecing two and two together.  "I'm very aware of that, doll."  "Well, I don't know how else to tell you this but that reason is because of (Y/N)."   Once the sentence leaves her, Alice reached over and grabbed (Y/N)'s hand, squeezing it tightly.  Jasper blinked. Once, twice. He didn't understand. Alice and (Y/N) both looked at each other once they took notice of his expression and they erupted into a storm of giggles. 

Almost as soon as it started, however, they stopped and their expressions were quick to change. They went from laughing to a deadpanned glare, both girls wearing masks of seriousness.  "I've been having visions. Of this exquisite, gorgeous and oh, so wonderful girl. And, well, Jasper, some of us don't just have one love but we have two. Maybe even more... but in this situation, in this scenario, it's you two." She explained.  Jasper went from watching his girlfriend to giving a quick glance to (Y/N)'s direction. 

She sat there, silent, but her cheeks spoke another story. One of which, Jasper easily could read and make out.  Her cheeks, like the day they bumped into each other in town, were as red as a rose and she was biting her lower lip as she fumbled with her hands, twisting and twiddling with them as Alice continued to speak.  "I know you feel the same way about her as well. Don't even try to lie or deny it. I've been seeing the visuals everywhere, they play out like scenes in a movie. The feelings for her are the same you have for me. You gained them at the party we had a few months back, the same way I did." And Jasper sat there, feeling dumbfounded but more importantly, he felt foolish too. Of course, he couldn't get away with his thoughts or actions. Alice could see everything. Even before it happened. "That's why I've been distancing myself." Alice continued. "I didn't mean to, my love. It has nothing to do with you, either. You're as perfect as you were when I first met you. So, do not fret and think you have done something wrong because you haven't. However, I had to have you come to me before I could tell you what was going on and why I was acting the way I was. Or... well, come to us, I should say... So, we could show you how this all would work. Us, three, together." Alice's tongue darted out of her mouth as she wets her lips, a look of seduction rising behind her eyes.  "Besides, isn't it every man's fantasy to have two, beautiful women beside  him?" "Or, perhaps underneath him?" And that was the first thing (Y/N) had said during this entire conversation. Jasper would be a liar if he said  both women's words didn't go  straight to his cock, causing it to twitch against the zipper of the pants he wore.  "Come on, Jasper. Admit it. Don't lie to yourself. You've been wanting her for some time, yes? Wanting - no, craving for this for awhile. Now, is your chance. Today and every day, you can have us." Alice purred. She leaned upward, standing up on the tips of her toes as she had done earlier and her tongue comes within contact of Jasper's neck, setting soft but wet and seductive kisses over the smooth, cold surface.  Jasper grunts in reply, eyes fluttering shut as he gives a weak, timid nod. "Hm," He mumbles. "Today and everyday?" He asked, a smirk finding its way on his lips. "I can live with that, darlin'." "Heyyy." (Y/N) mewled, her bottom lip jutting out into a pout. "If she's darlin', what's going to be my pet name?" She asks, the pout only growing bigger yet both Alice and Jasper knew she wasn't truly upset by it. "Considering you just mewled like a kitten, that's what you will be. Now, kitten, why don't you and darlin' both come here and show me a good time, hm? After all, I have been wanting this for some time." Alice tssked, slapping Jasper's chest playfully as he - finally - admitted those words.  (Y/N) said nothing but watched the two with love and fond written across her face.  How did she get so lucky to be involved in this relationship?  She'd never know. Maybe, some things are better unanswered, (Y/N) thought.  She's quick to snap out of her thoughts and standing to her feet, her eyes never leave her now boyfriend and girlfriend's gazes.  (Y/N) strips down to nothing but a matching pair of panties and bra. She watches how Alice and Jasper lazily yet hungrily kiss one another.  Jasper's hands were on Alice's waist while Alice's hands were tangled in between his golden curls, tugging it every now and then as the session grew hotter and as the two grew more sexually frustrated with each other. 

(Y/N) didn't know what to do, truth be told, she didn't think this would have ever happened.  Luckily for her, Alice pulled away and shot her a lovingly glance before their own make out session could get any hotter (and before (Y/N) could get wetter, untouched). 

"C'mere, beautiful.  You're part of this, too, silly." She giggled as she taps Jasper's shoulder, telling him to get off of her with a movement of her finger.  Jasper chuckled lowly as he rolls over, undoing the belt of his jeans and zips them down as he shimmies out of both that and his shirt. "Who would you like to pleasure and please first, lovely?" Alice asked once (Y/N) sat down on the bed. Her face was still the same exact shade of red, it never seemed to vanish or go elsewhere. It seemed to be permanently there, only growing deeper and darker by the second. Both Alice and Jasper loved it. Loved having this kind of power and effect on her. It was a turn on to both vampires.  "Personally, I think you should  pleasure Jasper first." Alice turns to face Jasper who lay beside her  wearing his birthday suit, stroking his cock, eyes fluttered shut as complete bliss and satisfaction takes over. "For me, however, I am enjoying myself. I would very much rather see you two, touching." He said, opening his eyes as he glanced over at Alice and (Y/N).  "I'm happy with that." Alice giggled  as she's quick to lay upon the mountain of pillows behind her,  stripping her shirt over her head and allowing it to fall down the floor.  Oh, she's so filthy.... such an eager slut. She truly has been wanting this for some time. God only knows how long...  He says this - well, thinks it, anyhow - because the woman didn't wear a bra underneath her shirt and the moment she slides out of her skirt, Jasper notices she wasn't wearing panties either. "Touch me, please, (Y/N)." Alice moaned. She  lay back against the cushions as she spread her legs out in a starfish position, her hand resting at Jasper's thigh, fingers sneaking up and curling at his genitals, softly brushing her fingertips across his groin. Her pussy was slick with juices, (Y/N) and Jasper noticed. She was already so drenched, as was (Y/N).  Jasper's cock twitched, knowing both women were as hot and as bothered as he. "Go on, kitten. Don't be scared. I give you permission. We both do. From this moment on, you can touch us and hold us and whatever you please-" "Cause you're ours, as we are yours." Alice finished, shooting Jasper a smile before returning said smile to (Y/N). (Y/N) chewed on her bottom lip, fluttering her lashes and lids shut, she bends forward and presses her mouth on Alice's core, earning a quiet, low whine proceeding to fall from Alice's lips above. "Oh, (Y/N).... please." Alice whimpers, bucking her hips against (Y/N)'s touch. (Y/N) craved nothing more than to please both Alice and Jasper. As of this moment, however, her main focus was pleasuring Alice. All the girl wanted to do was get Alice  to cum, no matter which way it was. (Y/N) could use her fingers, her tongue or Hell, even both, she (nor Alice) didn't care as long as the short haired gal came with a cry of her name and soaked her fingers as she reached her orgasm. That is all (Y/N) wanted. She wanted to be good - be a good girl, for both significant others. Realizing both vampires were hers to love, to hold and to cherish, really just everything in between,  it sent a chill throughout her entire body and caused her cunt to tingle at the realization. The air in the room was bitter and both Alice and Jasper were cold, too. So, really, that could play a huge part together as well.  But (Y/N) knew her cunt was throbbing because of knowing they were hers, as she was theirs. Not because of their icy touches or the harsh, bitter air but because of them. They, all three of them, were together and happy. And just like when Alice found Jasper and him, finding her, (Y/N) really didn't know what happiness was until she met these two. "(Y/N), babygirl, please..." Alice's frustrated voice brings the girl back into reality, allowing her to leave her thoughts. She giggled, sending  little waves of vibrations to  shake against Alice's clit.  She pulled back, much to Alice's disappointment. "Sorry, I got lost in my head. 'M just happy is all. Can't believe this is happening." She admitted. But before Alice or Jasper could answer, (Y/N) is bending back forward, letting her head fall down and her lips capturing Alice's clit once more.   She gave Alice a few kitten licks, gentle, soft and sweet ones before slipping her tongue  in between Alice's folds, licking away as if this was her last thing she was to do on Earth. And really - if they were to die in their sleep or some random meteor hit, (Y/N)  would much  prefer dying while she's buried between Alice's legs and  her mouth would be full of Alice's pussy, her mouth full of her juices as Alice rode her high out on her face. It sounds like a perfect way to go, if she were being honest. Well, that was one option. The other idea and preference was with Alice riding her face, shifting her weight back and forth, grinding her pussy against (Y/N)'s tongue and lips while (Y/N) laid back against the bed, her legs spread in a "V" shape as Jasper slid his cock back and forth, deep inside her pussy, hitting her spot over and over again. All three of them, moaning in perfect harmony. Alice would cum over and over again, nearly drowning (Y/N)'s face  (which, (Y/N) wouldn't be upset at) with her juices as Jasper shot his load deep within her walls, filling her up with his cum. That was also a fantastic way to die. Alice, above, giggled and squirmed as (Y/N) ate her out. "Don't worry." She murmured, hand coming down to intertwine with (Y/N)'s hair as she pulled her girlfriend closer to her womanhood. "You'll have a piece of Jasper, right here, right now. Isn't that right, baby? You want to be a dear and go up behind (Y/N) as she's eating me out and fuck her tight, little, pink pussy? I can tell she needs it. Can feel her, leaving a puddle by my feet. Think - ah, fuck... (Y/N) - think she needs it. I wanna see it, too. Want to see you, fucking her as her face is full of my cunt." Jasper groaned as he fisted his cock, listening to his girlfriend speak while watching his other girl, eating his other lover out. He could have came right then and there. He was quick to get up and walk up behind (Y/N). (Y/N) was, in fact, soaked. Which was a given. It was obvious, even someone without vision could see that just by the high pitched, muffled noises she was making in the back of her throat. You could tell the poor thing needed a cock stuffed deep inside her hole, stretching her out and all. "Jasper, please, just... fuck me already!" She cried. "More than happy to." He replied. Being the fact she was so wet and aroused, the head of his cock pushed inside her, slipping in easily and comfortably. Even though, Jasper isn't (Y/N)'s first, the girl still needed to adjust to his size and the stretch that was his large and thick cock. Out of all the men she has been with (which wasn't a lot, neither. Only four or five.) Jasper was the widest and fullest. Jasper pauses, letting her adjust for a moment or two and it’s only when he hears a faint, "Go ahead, move... You can move," does Jasper push deeper, his cock sliding deeper within her walls, her juices already sticking to his cock as he slowly rocks his hips back and forth against the human. go ahead from you that he pushes deeper. You do open remarkably well for him, and although he takes his time, he’s awed by the fact that it isn’t unbearably long for either of you. You wonder if maybe it’s the fact that it’s him and you’ve done this before that makes it less stressful for you and lets you relax enough and so relatively quickly, too. While Jasper is behind, (Y/N) is stuffing her face full of Alice's pussy, and not a second later, the human girl buries her index and forefinger into her awaiting cunt. "Oh, fuck! Yes! Oh, yes. Oh." Alice chanted, her voice growing higher and higher as her hands curled at the comforter, nails digging into the fabric. "Oh, (Y/N), fuck me just like that! Fuck me, (Y/N)! Fuck me with your fingers, oh, yes. Oh, yesyesyesyes!!!" Alice squeals in delight, eyes closed as she gets closer to her orgasm. "Look at that," Jasper purred, his accent thick as he spoke. He only got like that when he, himself, was close to an orgasm. 

"My girls. My two beautiful girls. You both going to cum? You want to cum for each other and for me, don't you? Go on then. Be my good girls and cum. I'll cum with you." And just like that, both (Y/N) and Alice moaned loudly, Alice shouting her girlfriend and boyfriend's name in a pattern-like style as Jasper growled, fucking into (Y/N) so roughly the frame of the bed smacked against the wall so harshly, all three  knew it was going to leave a dent in the walls. But they couldn't care less. They were enjoying themselves way too much. (Y/N)'s moans were muffled, as she was being drowned by Alice's cum and like the good girl she, oh so badly, wanted to be - she happily swallowed every last drop that Alice squirted at her. (Y/N wanted to make her cum, sure, but didn't even think about the possibility she could make her squirt.)  

"Oh, fuck~ I'm cumming. Oh, fuck....!" And right as she was done, licking up every drop of Alice's pussy juices, her own pussy is being filled up by Jasper. This causes (Y/N) to moan again, an ear piercing scream more than a moan, actually. Which, truth be told, she was embarrassed by it - knowing other people were in the house but she tried not to think about it. All she could actually focus on was Alice and Jasper. That, and her coming down from her peak. Slowly, with a hiss leaving his lips, Jasper pulls out and plops down onto the bed, next to both of his lovely women. "That was fun." Alice said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Jasper's cheek.  "So, you aren't mad at me?" She asked, pulling back as she reached over to pull (Y/N) into her arms. 

"Not at all, darlin'. I love you. You know that. Nothing in the world could ever replace or erase my feelings towards you, Alice. It was... unexpected, sure, but I'm happy." Jasper looked over at Alice and (Y/N). "I'm happy with the both of you. And, (Y/N)? I love you, too. I promise, I didn't forget about ya." He said with a low laugh. He kisses Alice first before bending forward and kissing (Y/N) sweetly. "I only have one question left... how does she know about us? About what we are?" "It's kind of obvious." (Y/N) replied, looking up from playing with Alice's fingers and shot Jasper a sheepish smile. "Like Bella did beforehand, I put everything together and it made a lot of sense the more and more I looked at it. That and Emmett told me. Well, I take that back... he didn't exactly tell me but I knew something was odd when I saw you lot at the cafeteria and saw him, carrying a random plastic baggie of eggs. It isn't the most human thing in the world to eat like that. 

Especially with them, being spoiled and rotten, which they were, by the way. You all tried to be secretive and hide who you were but.. you didn't do it exactly well. And again, I did what Bella did. I straight up asked her too if you guys were what I thought you were.  And having known Bella since we were kids, I could tell when she was telling the truth and when she was lying." (Y/N) took a deep breath before continuing. "Plus, I knew things were, uh... supernatural, I guess is the right word here.... anyways, it was when Bella drastically changed. Not only in personality but in everything else. So, I just... kind of figured it out and placed everything together. And like I said, Emmett and Bella practically told me." "Edward truly married a girl who made an oath to keep us and what we are a secret yet easily announced what we are to an old and dear friend... No offense, (Y/N)." "None taken." "I still say I should've snapped her neck at her birthday party then." "Jasper!" "Wait, you tried to do what?" "Anyways, all that matters is we have each other and there isn't any secrets between us." He said, quick to change the subject. "I love you, gals." Speechless and flabbergasted, (Y/N) says she loved him too, Alice following along. Sure, they were vampires and they could easily kill her at any given moment but (Y/N) trusted them. Not only them but the Cullen's as well. (Although, Jasper and Alice, of course, were her favorites out of the bunch.) (Y/N) was now happily part of the Cullen's and was dating the two most wonderful people in the  world and she couldn't want it any other way. (Of course... she did want to be like them. But that's a conversation for another day.) (Little did (Y/N) know, however, Alice already had seen the both of them - her and Jasper - taking turns and turning her into one of them. For obvious reasons, she never brought this up, though. Alice was just happy to know in the end, they'd all be together, forever.)

[awmonomiac]

SH is so attentive to NK. He catches him before he stumbles down the stairs, notices his lack of appetite, knows that he is crying because of JIH... it's because he watches over him every moment and can't take his eyes off him.

Why does Byeonduck zoom in on NK's hand putting down his spoon? Why does she zoom in on such an insignificant gesture? It's to show that this gesture, as insignificant as it is, is immediately noticed by sh who understands immediately that nk is not hungry anymore, and it shows how attentive he is and how much he knows him and knows how to interpret the least of his gestures

This is an interesting passage that shows us the influence of Heena on NK. Even for something as trivial as eating, Heena has a strong influence on NK. It's interesting that Byeonduck puts two conversations in parallel; the exchange between SH and NK and NK's inner thoughts. So we understand how much weight Heena's words have for NK when she talks about SH.

What is NK referring to? a past memory? Did JIH miss his opportunity to enter the royal court because of NK's erotic paintings? Or did JIH fail his recent exams? If he is referring to a memory, this would better explain why NK feels so guilty and why he felt compelled to give in to SH (besides the fact that deep down it was something he really wanted and didn't want to admit it to himself).

SH is obviously jealous when NK refers to JIH. But this time he knows how to control himself. During chapter 30, when SH knows that NK ran away with JIH and he is ready to do anything (even if it means pledging allegiance to SH and submitting) to prevent JIH from learning what happened, SH had dragged NK to his room to physically claim him all day until NK fell ill. The contrast with this chapter is glaring ahah

NK IS CRYING BECAUSE HE'S AFRAID THAT SH'S FEELINGS ARE FICKLE!! And the way NK qualifies SH is really revealing. Indeed NK doesn't accuse SH of being consumed by lust anymore but of being a fickle man. And by using the word fickle NK implies that there is a notion of infidelity and therefore... of couple 😁 NK reproaches SH as an old couple would!

NK tries to hide it but he is very disappointed that SH hasn't called him for a while. But SH doesn't want this lord/servant relationship anymore. He wants an equal relationship, he wants them to be lovers. And so SH will not call NK at night anymore. He wants NK to be absolutely willing and to want it. It is thus up to NK to make the first step if he wants to continue this relation with SH. But NK doesn't accept his feelings and refuses to even admit that this is something he wants deep inside. So NK is stuck and blames SH by telling him that anyway his feelings are fickle.

And as NK is offended, he is prickly with SH. It is also a way to provoke him, as if he hoped that the lord answers him NO IT IS NOT TRUE! But the Lord doesn't answer, and that's why NK then continues sulking.

Look how sulky NK is! He tells the lord he doesn't really like him, acts like he's going home without him, then bails after their discussion... our two lovebirds are sparring, teasing each other... SH and NK flirt 😁

When NK tells the lord that he is just a fickle man, it is not only a dig but also an indirect question. NK wants to know why the Lord did not call him. He wants an explanation. It is an insecurity that he expresses. NK is afraid that SH does not really love him and that he is only a temporary attraction. That's why later on NK comes back to this subject, he wants his answer! He wonders what SH does with his nights because it really troubles him that SH doesn't call him anymore and this questioning doesn't leave NK's mind.

To say that the lord is a fickle man and that he doesn't really love him is also a nice lie that NK tells himself to avoid succumbing to SH because seeing him change and gain his esteem could definitely make him fall in love.

Deep inside he knows that it is a lie because he sees well that SH does not spend his nights with other lords. That's why he repeats Heena's sentence to himself; he desperately clings to this thought because falling in love with SH makes him enter a conflict with himself. Indeed, how could he have so many feelings for someone who hurt him so much? Moreover NK is not yet completely detached from the said and the prejudices. He still does not assume this desire which lives in him, and even less in front of Heena. He is afraid to be associated with SH considered as a man consumed by the lust. Because in reality, NK is also a man consumed by the desire!

That's why Nk runs away because he can't face his feelings that the thought of knowing that the lord is faithful and waiting for him.

I wasn't sure I understood the meaning of this panel but now I know! NK, surprised that the Lord did not call him, went to watch SH's room! Was he afraid at that moment that SH would lose interest in him and see other men? "I have seen the light often" means that NK went to check this several times

He misses the time they spent together. Also with this sexual allusion NK tries to titillate SH and to seduce him so that he makes the first step. But SH is not fooled and knows very well that NK is already close to cracking. In fact SH and NK flirt and play cat and mouse 😁

Today both of them are perfectly aware that NK is not at all reluctant to sleep with SH anymore. I really like the way they talk about their shared memories. They seem so close and intimate!!! I love how their relationship is evolving.

... and at the end NK runs away like in a couple fight 😂 His reaction is so revealing! Sh is very satisfied with himself, he knows he won the battle and that he aimed right. And he knows NK is clamoring for his presence so he's over the moon!

With all this flirting we expect a reconciliation with a kiss... and Byeonduck without any mercy teases us with this panel! So what's going to happen?? is Nameless giving him a warning?? Indeed, Jiwha's identity has been revealed and Nameless could carry out his threat. But if Nameless followed them he knows that SH is right next door so what will he do? Another theory: maybe Nameless didn't expect nk to change direction at all and didn't want NK to see him? While waiting for the answer to this question, we have a long week ahead of us!

[bytheangell]

Hi!!! If you still accept requests could you do a fic with Gabriel and Christopher Lightwood? Matbe when he was little? I think that when he found out his second child was going to be a boy woukd have been impctful as what he had to bear with his own father

I Think I’ve Seen This Film Before (And I Didn’t Like the Ending) (Read on AO3)

Gabriel isn’t sure where the sudden feeling of anxiousness comes from after Cecily has their second child, a boy they name Christopher. He hadn’t been this nervous when they had Anna, and he hadn’t been particularly worried leading up to the birth… but now that Christopher is here Gabriel can tell that something is different this time.

He just can’t quite place what that something is.

It isn’t until he’s holding Christopher one night, allowing his son’s tiny hands to explore and pull at pieces of his clothing with wide-eyed curiosity, that Cecily says something that makes it all click.

“He’s going to idolize you, I can tell,” Cecily says the words with a smile, obviously meaning them as a compliment.

Instead of smiling back, Gabriel blanches. The realization comes immediately

“I don’t want him to.”

Cecily frowns. “What?”

Gabriel shakes his head back and forth emphatically. It’s suddenly very obvious why he’s felt different with Christopher, and honestly, he isn’t sure why it took him this long to piece together.

“I don’t want him to,” he repeats.

“Whyever not?” To her credit, Cecily looks confused, but not upset.

“I idolized my father,” Gabriel says, the words a mere whisper.

And there it is. The reason Christopher is different is that he’s a son: a boy, who will turn into a young man meant to take after his father. To learn from him. To grow up and follow in his footsteps.

Except everything Gabriel’s experienced of how a father raises a son is selfishness, deceit, and self-indulgence. It’s raising a child to serve and reflect your own interests - a name to carry a legacy. What if he’s just like his father? That’s nothing to idolize. That isn’t--

“You’re not Benedict, Gabriel,” Cecily says gently, her words cutting through his quickly spiraling thoughts. She walks over to place a hand on his arm, her expression kind as she glances between him and their son, her smile soft and reassuring. “You’re a good person and a wonderful father. Just look at Anna.”

“She has you to look up to,” Gabriel points out.

“And so will Christopher. But that doesn’t matter, because she still looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky just for her, and rightly so.”

“I don’t want to make the same mistakes he did. He raised us to be heirs, not individuals. I clung to that for so long…”

Cecily knows about the sort of man Benedict Lightwood was, before he wasn’t a man at all. Gabriel told her most of what she didn’t hear on her own because he wanted her to know exactly what she was getting into when they started seeing one another romantically - but Cecily always took it in stride. She always supported him and every difficult step he took away from his father’s legacy.

“And then you let it go when it mattered most,” she reminds him. “If you won’t believe in yourself, then believe in me. Christopher is going to turn out just fine - because of you, not in spite of you.”

Gabriel looks down at Christopher, such a tiny bundle in his arms, and nods slowly. “I won’t let you down, Christopher. I promise.”

---

It takes a while for Gabriel to find a sense of balance with raising Christopher, often trying so intensely to not be like Benedict that he isn’t quite himself, either. But he gets there eventually, stepping into his own in ways he never imagined possible before.

He’s doing well, until the moment he isn’t.

It’s a bad day. One of those days were little things seem to go wrong one after another, mostly minor inconveniences until inevitably one of them becomes the tipping point for a proper explosion of the frustration that’s been building all day.

Unfortunately, that final straw comes in the form of Christopher coming home with violently green skin less than an hour before they’re due to set off for a formal dinner in Idris. Gabriel is upset enough when he thinks it’s another one of Christopher’s experiments gone wrong, but something in him snaps when he finds out it was actually a spell gone wrong from a warlock girl Christopher had been playing with, one he met in the Shadow Market the other day.

“It’s bad enough Tatiana’s stirring up trouble again, and now you’re going to show up looking like this and positively reeking of magic! Must you spend your free time consorting with Downworlders?!”

“The spell was harmless! She wouldn’t hurt me, father,” Christopher says.

“I don’t care how harmless the spell was, it’s how it looks, don’t you see?”

But of course, Christopher doesn’t see, because he’s Christopher. He’s trusting to a fault, and too eager to see the good in people that he never stops to question whether or not they may have ulterior motivations.

“I’ll tell the people at the dinner what happened, once I explain I’m sure-”

“No!” Gabriel feels an instinctive panic at the idea of anyone finding out what happened, putting him even more on edge. “You will not tell anyone what happened. In fact, I don’t want you spending time with that warlock girl anymore.”

“But James-”

“I don’t care what James does. He isn’t my son - he isn’t a Lightwood! People expect certain things of us, Christopher, and we need to do better!” Gabriel is only vaguely aware that his voice is rising and his words are turning sharper.

“What does being a Lightwood have to do with anything?!” Christopher asks.

“It has to do with everything!” Gabriel snaps, and then realizes what he’s doing.

Christopher looks upset and a little shaken, and it’s obvious that he hadn’t expected this sort of reaction from his father. Gabriel catches a reflection of his face in the glass of a curio cabinet and sees more of his father in himself than he ever has before.

Christopher turns and stalks to his room without another word, just as Cecily comes in after hearing the commotion.

“What was all that?” She asks, brows furrowed.

“I-” Gabriel begins, but words fail him at the moment. He realizes he’s a bit shaken up as well - he’s never fought with Christopher before, not like that.

“I messed up, Cece.” Gabriel looks down the hall after his son with a weight in his chest. “I said things I shouldn’t have. I’ve just been under so much pressure lately, and he came home green for Raziel’s sake, and I…” Gabriel sighs, long and heavy.

“You took it out on him.”

It isn’t a question, so at least he doesn’t have to answer it out loud.

“I’ll talk to him later. I should go to this dinner, would you mind staying home with them?” Gabriel knows better than to think Anna will come with him after he’s upset Christopher - she’s fiercely protective of him in all the best ways.

“Of course. Go put in your appearance, I’ll handle things here.”

“Tell him I said I’m sorry,” Gabriel adds, turning to leave.

Cecily shakes her head. “You tell him yourself when you get back.”

He will. He absolutely will.

---

Once he’s in Idris, Gabriel can’t shake his foul mood. It doesn’t take long for Gideon to call him out on it.

“I shouted at Christopher. I told him,” Gabriel huffs. “That we have to hold ourselves to a different standard because we’re Lightwoods.”

“You’re not wrong. You and I both know we’re going to be undoing Father’s damage for the rest of our lives.”

“Are you ever afraid you’re too much like him?” “ Gabriel asks, unable to help himself.

Gideon shrugs. “He wasn’t all bad, you know. He did love us, for what that’s worth in the end. He never wanted us to want for anything, and he always pushed us to be the best versions of ourselves. Those wouldn’t be the worst traits to emulate.”

It’s a fair point. Gabriel is so focused on not turning into the monster his father became that he overlooked the parts of their childhood that were good.

“It’s just, sometimes I see him in myself when I lose my temper and… honestly, it frightens me. It’s like I blink and suddenly all the progress I’ve made all these years is just gone.”

“If all that progress were gone, you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me now,” Gideon points out. “One mistake doesn’t undo years of good. Not if you fix it instead of letting it consume you.”

Some of the tension Gabriel’s felt since he yelled at Christopher eases ever-so-slightly, and he manages a small smile.

“Thanks. I think I needed to hear that.”

“I can’t take all the credit - it’s something Sophie told me once. Guess it stuck,” Gideon admits. “Now get out of here and go home. I’ll cover with the others.”

---

Gabriel leaves Idris early to make sure he’s home before Christopher falls asleep. He goes straight for his son’s room, surprised by the slight nervousness he feels. But that’s good, he reminds himself. It means he cares, and not just about himself, but about what really matters.

“Christopher, are you awake? May I come in?”

There’s a short pause, and Gabriel wonders if he’s too late and will have to wait until morning. Then he hears soft shuffling noises before the door swings open.

“I’m sorry-” Christopher starts immediately, obviously expecting a lecture, but Gabriel holds up a hand to stop him.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m not always right, Christopher. And I need you to understand that. I don’t want you to grow up blindly following in my footsteps, okay? You’re allowed to question me. And you’re allowed to tell me if you think I’m wrong - because I might be. I just might not always see it.”

“You were wrong to be mad that I’m spending time with Downworlders,” Christopher says slowly, as if testing whether or not he’s supposed to actually question his father or if that bit was just a trap to see if he would.

“I was,” Gabriel agrees. “The unsupervised magic could be dangerous and that’s something we’ll have to talk about, but not tonight. Tonight I just need you to know that I don’t want you to be different, or better, or anything other than your perfectly curious, kind self. I love you, Christopher.”

“I love you too.”

This isn’t the first mistake Gabriel’s made as a parent, and he’s certain it won’t be the last. He’s trying to be better than his father before him. Sometimes he fails, sometimes he succeeds, but every time he learns from his mistakes and picks himself up to try again… and he’s finally starting to realize with the love, forgiveness, and encouragement of his family, that he doesn’t have to be perfect so long as he’s trying to be better.

[jisungsmochi]

somebody to you - hrj

somebody to you - renjun

behold,, the FINAL part of my nct dream x the vamps songs series! leaving y’all with something really wholesome and fluffy bc i’m inlove with renjun 

word count: 2.8k 

summary: huang renjun didn’t like relationships. he thought they were messy, and honestly, a waste of time. he had his whole life ahead of him, so why would he need a significant other to be happy? that was all until he met you, and thought to himself, maybe it wouldn’t be all bad...

read the rest here! 

//

I used to wanna be

Living like there's only me

But now I spend my time

Thinking 'bout a way to get you off my mind

renjun scrolled through his endless instagram feed, swiping through threads of his friends with their girlfriends. he would be lying if he said it didn’t make him

borderline sick. he was always a realist, never really seeing the point of having a serious relationship at such a young age. in his life so far, he’d probably say he’s only had one girlfriend, and it was a random girl he asked to prom so he wouldn’t feel left out. renjun was never opposed to love, he just wasn’t actively seeking it.

“dude i reckon you’re gonna like her! she’s super cool from the sounds of it, and she goes to our university!” haechan insists as the four boys sat down for dinner in their shared apartment.

“i don’t need you to set me up on a blind date. i’m capable of finding someone on my own, thank you very much” renjun rolled his eyes, fed up with the continuous discussions of his single status.

“yeah, and how’s that going for you?” jaemin chimed in, causing jeno and haechan to chuckle in response. renjun just scoffed, shoving his mouth with more food to avoid speaking further.

“give it a chance. the worst that could happen is that you don’t vibe with her and you never talk to her again” jeno tries his best to convince the stubborn boy. renjun just shrugs, his mind contemplating the idea.

“okay fine, one date. if you guys really think she’s soo good for me, let’s see how accurate you guys are” renjun snickers. he was not confident in their matchmaking skills at all, but he loved seeing them fail.

“perfect, i’ll set it up for you. just sit back, relax and be your boring self” haechan grins, tapping away on his phone. renjun ignores the cheeky boy’s comments, finishing up his dinner. his first date in over two years, this should be good...

I used to be so tough

Never really gave enough

And then you caught my eye

Giving me the feeling of a lightning strike

renjun was regretting this date already. all he knew about you was your first name and your uni course, nothing else. the boys had refused to show him any photos of you, claiming that it would be more ‘romantic’ if he fell for you at first sight...what a cliche, he thought to himself.

“how will i even know it’s her, if i don’t know what she freaking looks like?” renjun groaned, nerves slowly building up as haechan pulled up to the date location.

“i’ll point her out, okay? just trust me” renjun let out a short sigh, hands slightly jittery. why the hell was he nervous? it wasn’t like he was going to see her after this one date.

as renjun stepped out of the car, his eyes scanned the scenery.

“jeez, you guys really went all out for this date” he was amazed by the view. it was a restaurant that was by the water, multiple little boats sailing across it and the sounds of birds humming.

“of course, you only deserve the best” haechan winked, eyes looking for renjun’s date.

“dude what if she doesn’t even show up. does she even know what i look like?” renjun was slightly panicking at this point, drifting from his tough exterior.

“haechan?” a soft voice interrupted his thoughts. renjun’s eyes diverted to the owner of the voice. he felt stunned by the sight of you, dressed neatly in some jeans and a flowery blouse. you had slightly curled your hair, hands clutching to your purse as you greeted the two boys infront of you.

“hey y/n, this is renjun, your date for tonight! see you kids later, don’t get up to anything crazy” haechan chuckled to himself, shoving renjun to meet you. renjun almost clashed into your smaller frame, catching you off guard. you gently held his arms, keeping a small distance between you both.

“o-oh my bad, i-i’m renjun” he stammered, eyes meeting yours. you were slightly blown away by his looks...he was really attractive. well done, haechan.

renjun would say the same about you. even though he didn’t have a particular type, (as he found it kind of dumb tbh) he believed you could fit it perfectly.

“i’m y/n! nice to meet you” you widely smiled, renjun returning your expression as he pulled out his hand for you to shake. maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

Look at me now, I'm falling

I can't even talk, still stuttering

This ground I'm on, it keeps shaking

you were currently trying to hold back your laughter as renjun recounted the story of how he caught jaemin with his girlfriend...doing the nasty, during their first week of university.

“oh my goodness! were you scarred for life?” you slammed your fist on the table, causing others around you to glare. but renjun couldn’t even focus on them, attention solely on you.

“of course! it was the first week! like couldn’t they have just waited until midterms?” renjun chuckled at the memory, proud of himself that he made you laugh so much. he must be doing something right.

“you’re really funny, renjun. some of the other guys that haechan tried to set me up with were lowkey boring. i guess he sees me as boring too” you slightly frowned, watching as renjun piped up in his seat,

“y-you’re not boring at all! you’re funny! and pretty too” he muttered the last part, not wanting you to have heard. but you did. you decided not to linger on it much, afraid to make him too flustered.

“you’d be the first guy to say that” you shrugged, taking a small sip from your glass of water.

“have you had boyfriends in the past?” renjun suddenly asked, causing you to raise an eyebrow.

“i-uh i’ve had a few. nothing too serious though, how about you?” you curiously ask in return, watching as renjun looked down to his lap. he hesitated before answering,

“i’ve only had one girlfriend before. i’m not really an avid dater” renjun admits to you, hoping that you didn’t find him lame.

“oh neither am i! we have another thing in common! i feel like relationships can get really difficult to manage, especially if you aren’t in the right headspace, you know?” you started rambling, renjun stringing along to your every word. he found such beauty in the way you articulated your words. he was so entranced he almost forgot to respond.

“i totally understand how you feel, i’ve always thought that i should live my life to the fullest before i consider settling down” he commented, causing you to nod along. you really liked his answers, it seemed like you were both on the same page about relationships. you didn’t expect to enjoy his company this much, initially agreeing to go on the date so that haechan would stop teasing you for not having a boyfriend in uni yet.

you walked alongside renjun, waiting for your roommate to pick you up.

“i had a really good time tonight, renjun. thankyou” you kindly complimented, causing renjun to become more shy (if that was even possible).

“no thankyou! there were times i felt kind of awkward, but you really know how to carry a conversation” he smiled, watching as you started to get shy.

“are you flirting with me, huang renjun?” you teased, nudging his arm gently.

“so what if i am?” he nudged you back,

“well i don’t think i’d want you to stop” you smirked. before renjun could say anything back, your heard the familiar voice of your roommate urging you to get in her car.

“oh that’s my ride. i have to get going. this was nice, i’ll see you around renjun!” you hurriedly embraced the boy, placing a gentle peck to his cheek before rushing to your roommate’s car.

renjun still didn’t say anything back to you, his body frozen from your touch.

‘no no no’ he thought to himself...he was falling for her.

All I wanna be, yeah, all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah

Is somebody to you

Everybody's tryna be a billionaire

But every time I look at you, I just don't care

“so are you gonna tell us about the date or do we have to call and ask her instead?” haechan teased as the rest of the boys sat in their living room. renjun has a book in his hands, wanting nothing more than peace and quiet after his long night.

“gosh, will you let me finish this chapter?” renjun huffed, causing jaemin and jeno to snicker. haechan pulled out his phone, holding it to renjun’s face,

“oh would you look at that? it would be a shame for my finger to slip and dial y/n” before he could continue, renjun hurriedly tossed his book to the side, tackling the pestering boy onto the ground, holding him down firmly.

“holy shit, did you get stronger?“ haechan could barely speak, still in shock from the sudden attack. renjun slowly leans back, letting out a tired sigh.

“you two are ridiculous, let’s cut to the chase, did you like her or not?” jaemin rolled his eyes, ready to hear all the tea.

renjun looked from side to side, not liking all the attention that was on him.

“i-she was really cool. honestly yeah, i did like her. but i don’t think she’s looking for anything too serious at the moment” renjun shook his head, thinking back to your heated discussion about relationships.

“okay that sounds like a cop out excuse. i think you’re just scared” jeno chimed in, the two other boys nodding along. renjun glared at them, trying his best to maintain his composure.

“yeah, i mean, did anything happen aside from good conversation?” jaemin continued to push, renjun now becoming more reserved. of course he trusted his friends, but they never really openly spoke about their feelings like this, it was quite new to all of them.

“she kissed me on the cheek before she left, does that mean something?” renjun muttered, watching as haechan tips himself over, now laying on the ground.

“you’re an idiot, must we spell it out for you? she’s totally into you as well” jeno groaned in frustration.

truth was, renjun wasn’t sure how to properly ask someone out, nonetheless be in a proper relationship with them. he was in desperate need of help...but all he had were his three idiot friends.

“i know i don’t know her well and all, but after she left, i couldn’t stop thinking about her. is this what it’s like to fall for someone? oh god...i’m falling” renjun started rambling to himself, jaemin and jeno now rested against him, shoulder touching either of his.

“the answer is pretty clear, man. go for a second date! make the move, she might be thinking the exact same thing” jeno shrugged, trying his best to advise his friend, the best he could. renjun bidded, actually agreeing with jeno for once.

suddenly, renjun felt his phone ringing. he immediately picked it up without looking at the caller ID.

as if you were listening in on their conversation, your voice rang through renjun’s ear.

“hello? is this renjun?” you nervously stammered, waiting for a response. renjun was completely frozen, his mouth hung wide as jeno pressed his own ear closer to the phone.

“y-yes this is him” renjun finally spat out, hands slightly shaking.

“oh great, this is probably coming as a surprise to you. but i uh, wanted to know if you’d be interested in going on another date” you were able to finish, heart racing as you held the phone tightly. renjun felt his heart stop after your words, jeno shaking him gently to snap out of his daze.

“o-oh yeah, i’d be really interested” renjun replies, mentally face palming himself for sounding a little too eager.

“amazing, i’ll keep in touch” you smiled to yourself, trying your best to contain your excitement. eventually you hung up, screaming into your pillow, kicking your feet up and down. was this how it felt to actually like someone?

“there’s your chance, don’t blow it!” haechan teased, throwing a cushion over to renjun who was still frozen well after the call had ended.

‘holy shit’ he mumbled.

//

the date you had planned for renjun, involved attending the local food markets they held once a month. you thought it would be a social enough setting for conversation to not get too awkward, as well as enjoy a variety of food. renjun met you at the bus stop, dressed in baggy jeans and a blue wind runner jacket. his hair was slightly styled, some strands gelled back. it really accentuated his facial features, making you admire him even more than you did before.

“you look really good today, i mean, not like you don’t look good everyday i’m sure you do..” you shook your head at your rambling, wanting nothing more but for him to laugh it off. renjun just smirked at you, planning another witty comment to respond,

“not as good as you though” he gently guided you to walk with him, his hand travelling to the small of your back. you slightly froze at the contact, but aimlessly followed him. he surely had his way with words.

as you both tasted some amazing food, renjun found him standing quite close to you. if you were trying a sample, he would stand behind you, his chest touching your back occasionally. it seemed really natural to him, and you didn’t mind it at all. he would often touch your shoulder gently to grab your attention, or pull you along by your waist. it gave you massive butterflies that you could shake off.

“did you want to start heading home? we can walk to the bus stop together” renjun offered kindly, his arm wrapped around your shoulder as you slowly made your way out of the large crowd. just as you were about to respond, rain started sprinkling from the sky. renjun quickly moved you to stand under some shelter as the rain came pouring.

“how the hell are we meant to walk in this?” you half shouted, clutching onto renjun’s side. he couldn’t bear moving you away from him,

“let’s just run, we can’t wait for it to pass” he suddenly took your hand, pulling you along as he bolted to the nearest bus stop.

“you’re so crazy, renjun!” you shout at the boy, giggling at the entire situation. before you knew it, renjun span you around, pulling you close to his chest.

“the only thing i’m crazy about is you” he confessed, catching you completely off guard. he had a habit of making such flirty comments, but this time you felt he wasn’t trying to joke around.

“w-what?” rain was washing over the both of you, your clothes completely soaked at this point.

“i really like you, y/n. i really freaking do. i didn’t want to admit it at first because i was scared of the idea of dating. but i want to be with you. i want to be somebody to you. everyone is out here trying to settle down and start their lives, but i feel like with you we can go at a steady pace. i don’t want to rush things, incase it gets messy, and difficult. but i just needed you to know that i really like you, and i hope it’s not all in my head that you like me back” renjun firmly confessed to you, eyes never leaving yours. you slowly raised your hand to wipe some rain drops off his face, watching as he smiled into your touch. he held you tightly in his arms, awaiting your response.

“renjun, i think i made it really clear that i like you back. i was also nervous about how you’d react, considering you weren’t really looking for anything serious at first. i think we should give it a shot, we can worry about all the stress and possible fights later on. all i know is that right now, you’re the only person i want to be standing in the rain with. now can you please kiss me?” you couldn’t contain your smile as renjun leaned into you. his lips pressing gently against yours. your fingers now running through his wet hair as he held your waist firmly. the kiss started getting deeper, the atmosphere really playing into the romantic nature of it all. eventually you both pulled away, foreheads presses against eachother, softly giggling.

that was the beginning of your relationship with renjun. despite having ups and downs (as expected) you both persevered and tried your absolute hardest to make things work. renjun finally admitted to himself: falling inlove wasn’t so bad...especially when it was with the right person.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 152

I’m not going to jinx it, I’m not going to jinx it, I’m not going to jinx it...

Okay, maybe I am. I managed to queue up the chapters I had in the barrel! Yay!! Which also means that I have a super duper exciting chapter coming up, which I can’t wait to write and can’t wait for y’all to read. I just need it to be perfect.

That said, thank you to @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog for your help with this particular chapter.  I love when we are all three in one of these sessions and just descending into chaos in the chat. Also, @mamayoda (who I can’t tag but I do want you to know I see your likes in my notes!) for love-bombing my notes recently.

“Is it just me or is everyone really jumpy?” Charly asked as I set my food down across from her.  It was our thrice-weekly lunch dates in one of the public mess halls, and she definitely had a point.  I had already noticed three people scowl distrustfully at the food consoles, hugging closely to the prepared food side of the room instead.

I sighed. “It has to have been Derek’s stress test.  It wasn’t supposed to impact systems we didn’t design, but…”

She snorted loudly. “Tell that to the week I spent taking cold showers again.  At least this time, the doors didn’t play any music when I walked through them.”

“Did your doors at least open consistently? I was stuck in my quarters for a whole day until we figured out that I could walk through if I had an escort.”  I laughed and shook my head before digging in to my food. “And, come to find out, we actually do manage the water systems, thanks to BioLab 2.”

Contrary to myself, Charly was entirely unperturbed at this revelation beyond sniffing her hoodie and shrugging. “My doors worked fine as far as I know, but Coffey and I tend to work the same hours, so… Maybe that was it.  Oo!” Her cheer of enthusiasm caught me off guard as she started bouncing in her seat. “OOOOO! I bet he activated the routine Xiomara had running when you and Jokul weren’t friends yet!”

“There was a routine!?” I asked, exasperated. “I behaved, thank you. It wasn’t necessary.”

“Meh. Just in case. What do you think her deal is?” She tilted her head to the side, at a table near us.

Sure enough, the woman at that table was darting glances around the room, her shoulders hunched, elbows close to her body, eyes wide.  I could practically feel her shaking from where I was. “I can’t tell if she looks suspicious or afraid,” I murmured, hoping the woman couldn’t hear me. “But the fact that I’ve met mice and chihuahuas who shook less, I’m going to go with afraid.”

As I watched the woman, weighing whether or not a stranger trying to comfort her would make it better or worse, Mona’s familiar face approached her instead.  She was speaking softly enough that I couldn’t make out words, but the woman clearly recognized her and only jumped slightly.

I was so focused on the sight of Mona comforting the woman that I nearly hit the ceiling when Parvati’s voice came from entirely too close to my right shoulder. “Rebecca.  She lost her family twice, first her parents, some cousins, and an uncle when the hack happened, and then her partner and children in the After.  It’s understandable that she’s terrified right now, after the stress test. Too many bad memories.”

My face flushed in humiliation. “Pranav and Zach sent a ship-wide alert that the stress test was happening - “

A perfectly manicured hand clapped over my mouth, one dark eyebrow arched in eloquent disbelief. “Sophia. You of all people know that mental scars do not heed logic.”

Charly’s hair flew around her face as she nodded enthusiastically. “After day three of cold showers, I flinched every time I went through a door in case that stupid song started playing again, no matter how many times I reminded myself that it was a stress test and I had decidedly not given Derek boba tea again.”

Both my hands flew up in surrender. “I stand corrected, I just feel awful to see people react like that.” Gazing around the room, I was suddenly much more aware of all the darting eyes, protective postures, seats turned so that backs were against walls.

Charly had obviously seen the same thing. “We may need to talk to Pranav about limiting the tests to one or two systems at a time.”

“I wish we could,” I admitted, stabbing a potato out of my pie slightly harder than necessary. “His department was passing the tests with flying colors when Derek was limited to one or two systems at a time.  But they failed this last test miserably, it turns out.  As soon as they would react to one thing, Derek would switch to another system, and they couldn’t be everywhere at once as well as they convinced themselves that they could.  And they can’t just be good at small scale attacks: the revolt that happened before the End brought everything down at once, from multiple access points. It was… kind of elegant, in a terrible way.  Very clean.”

Charly squinted at me and Parvati in suspicion. “Are you supposed to know that they crashed and burned in the test.”

I rocked my hand back and forth while I chewed on a mouthful of crust.  It had way too much butter in it, but at least it was actually crust this time. A week ago it had been something pretty close to paper mache. “Technically we don’t officially know that.  Officially, all we know is that Pranav has requisitioned enough additional staff to increase his team of programmers by seventy percent.”

“Asses handed to them, got it,” Charly nodded in understanding.

“We also officially know that Pranav currently owes Hannah quite the enormous favor,” Parvati confided.

“How big?” Charly ventured slowly.

“Big enough that his grandchildren may be indebted to hers,” came the laughing response.

Charly shook her head and clucked her tongue. “He should know better than to bet against Derek.  He breaks the systems for fun, and they asked him to really go for it. What did they expect?”

“Apparently to put up a better fight at least.” I forced a smile, but guilt weighed on my heart as I studied the room again, fully seeing the microexpressions of anxiety, fear, and anger.  It felt like the entire Ark was constantly swinging between hope and fear. The random drills weren’t really helping, either.

“They aren’t,” Parvati agreed, letting me know that I had been thinking out loud. “Everyone is sleep deprived, on high alert, and then all of a sudden all the computer systems went on the fritz for a week.”

I sighed and rubbed my forehead, pushing what was left of my pot pie away from me, appetite gone. “We need to talk to Grey and Antoine about getting counselling for everyone, seeing as how Xiomara and Pranav pretty much just triggered the entire ship. I mean, everyone knows counselling is available, but I think allocating training and resources to the therapy teams is going to take priority over Pranav’s request for the moment.”

Charly tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Do we have the space for some quiet rooms, like you set up for the Food Festival a few years back? That may be a good idea.”

Snapping into work-mode, Parvati flicked her datapad open, bangles clattering as she started making notes. “The quarters left by those who relocated closer to the Archives are still uninhabited, those can be used.  We may be able to convince some people to relocate so we can spread the rooms out more evenly, but even if we can’t, just having those rooms available will help.”

“Make a note to add in the proposal for Grey: possibility of having specific vendors permitted to serve food in BioLab 2.  Encourage mental health days and picnics.”

Parvati nodded in acknowledgement of my request, before adding her own spin. “As a contingency plan, find vendors who will pre-package picnics.  Between the current distrust of the consoles and the fact it will remind everyone of the annual Festival, the good emotions will help.”

“I like it,” I confirmed. “What else?”

“Paintball tag day in the corridors,” Charly announced, without preamble or warning. “Make it a holiday, everyone is off work, limit it to one end of the Ark.”

I shook my head. “Guns, not the best idea.”

“Ew, no. No pew-pew.” She wrinkled her nose. “I was thinking more paint-soaked splash bombs.”

Finger guns deployed, dual wielding. “I am so here for a paintball tag day in that case.  The flavored paint?”

“Not the scotch bonnet please,” Parvati begged. “I just know someone will get that in the face, I don’t care how much Else likes it.”

“Got it, no more pepper spraying people,” Charly agreed seriously. “OOO! I could test the new arrows out!  With something like buttered popcorn paint, obviously. Maybe kiwi on the other team.”

“Just limit the pull on the bows, okay? I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Fiiiiine…”

Parvati smiled and added to her notes. “So, we probably want someone to correlate the current date to whatever the date would be on Earth… Just in case we need to get a consultant for Holi.”

“Good point. Conor is alarmingly good at that, so I can ask him.  It would be a nice cultural event if we could do that. If not, we can totally work on celebrating Holi when it comes around.”

“Final suggestion for right now, because I have to get back to work,” I sighed happily. “This is going to be the biggest ask, and the smallest at the same time…” Both nodded at me to continue. “Care packages, for everyone. And I mean everyone on the Ark.”

“Sophia,” Parvati scolded me. “That’s almost ten thousand people and sixteen animal companions.”

“Well aware,” I forged on, “We’ll talk to Sam about the bows, I can wrap them. Commission some of those really nice chocolates, or maybe some taffy from Simon. And something salty.  I know there is someone on the Ark who makes aromatherapy candles, Tyche is bananas about them.”

Shaking her head, she added it to the list. “If you insist on that, I insist on a celebration for the drop out of FTL.  Hannah and I can use some of the plans from the Food Festival, include Charly’s paint tag - “

“And Kink Night!”

“- and Kink Night, apparently… have several events going on across the Ark, since we already discussed declaring a holiday.”

“Get Bash’s permission to use the Undine again, and I won’t object,” I surrendered before standing. “On that note, I really do have to get back to work.  Come on, Vati, we have work to do apparently.”

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[melis-ash]

have you watched elite's season 4 finale already? what are your takes on caye and phillipe? no judgements here tho, just want to know your opinion on them

 Hello, nonny! Yes, I did. My opinion about Caye and Philippe has several different aspects (which a litle bit conflict with each other).

Lets write long post.)) Sorry for mistakes and typos, English is not my first language and I`m not really good with grammar.

1) Caye and Philippe story is feminist retelling-reverse of the Beauty and the Beast, where main characters didn`t became couple and The Beauty left her Beast not for Gaston other romance, but for her own path. And their relationship helped the Beast to realize his past mistakes and make to want to fix it, even if it`s too late . Comparing with many other things in that season that storyline was not bad. Really. There MANY problems with s4, I think the best stolyline had Rebe and Mencia, it was really good, and in my personal opinion, despite many flaws, Caye and Philippe storyline is second one for me. Kinda it was not really good, but it had plot, idea, composition and message. Writers knew very clear, what they tried to say, and despite obvious lack of screen time, they handle it, and this story, despite it doesn`t connect with main plot, resonate with main storyline on the level of their ideas. (About it later.) I know, Georgina is feminist, so I wonder, could she give some advice writers? Kinda “it can work better if...” something like it.

2) Personally I`m very disappointed how OOC was Caye in that season and how few screen time she had. For me Caye from s4 feels like too much different person than in s2-3. I wanted character development for her, but something more slow and realistic. S4 Cayetana feels like all her character development happened between s3 and s4 (and partly in special, which really was very good), and I don`t believe in it. Caye from s4 is good character, but there is no real connection with Caye from s2-3.

I knew, she was very upopular character in s2-3, so maybe creators afraid to gave her too much screen time. But also they still wanted she was part of story and write redemption arc for her. And honestly, anon, these two thing can`t work together well. When you write redemption arc for well written nuanced character that Cayetana was in s2-3, you need give character enough screen time and nuances. But it seems, s4 writers don`t care enough about writing S1-3 characters in character. In s2-3 Caye was bad girl, but also she was comedy relief (but s4 has very few comedy moments), she had family (where the fuck her mother and granddad now? We know only that her mother cannot work in Las Ensinas, but don`t know, why), we saw, that she did`t sleep almost, because she learn in Las Ensinas, worked as janitor and still hung out with rich kids. (I think I began feel compassion for her, when realized it). It that seson she almost has not other scenes than with Philippe. OK, she was pariah in school during previous year, but if writers began that things with Caye and Rebe friendship, can they continue it. Rebe and Caye both had problem with their love interests and they never discussed it. Only time they speak about Philippe was in 402. Also Benjamin fired Azucena, and wanted to expel Samu and Omar, but Caye still works there? And Benjamin still protects her even? Why? I mean, after whole thing with scam in s2. Maybe it because protection of Polo`s mothers, but it never was said in s4 even. It seems, Benjamin knows things about her story with Polo (like he knows about Philippe`s past), and it could be really interesting possiblity to bring on scene that aspect of situation and Benjamin`s character and him and Caye interaction. 

Also there is something with Georgina`s acting in s4, in most of scenes she acts as different character, so maybe it was and her (as actress) decision too. I wrote before, she is feminist, and maybe she wanted to bring more feminists vibes in s4 Caye, because it makes storyline works better? Given how few connection with previous seasons on script level her s4 story had, it make sense even, it`s just feel OOC for me, because Caye is not feminist at all. She is strong and ambitious, but she is not type of women what call themselves feminists, and when she said “I became my own Fairy Godmother” in s2, she meant that she was forced to do it. Caye was girl who wanted to be princess from old school Disney animation. In s3 she wanted to live and study on Polo mother money in London and was fully OK with it. When she refused their proposition, it was because thoughts, that Polo could be alive and even more or lesser happy in other school without those her messages, haunted her. Plus when Polo died, he thought Caye was with him more because his money than because Polo himself. I remember, in her first scene Caye read  The Second Sex, but it was spectacle for her schoolmates. And when she spoke with them about her fake rich life, it always was “look how rich and glamour I am”. Partly she spoke in this way because she knew very few about rich people`s life, but also there were some of her dreams. She wanted to be rich and and be part of this glamour life. In s3 she became in some way, and she had a lot of possiblities to understand how many shit, pain and tragedies can hide for glamour facade. Theoretically she knew it before. But she was exctremely poor, so it was a little bit difficult for her to think about it too much.

3) So I think more mention of Caye`s story from s2-3 could make her and Philippe story better. Philippe himself have same problem as Polo in some way: he is rich guy, and his mother indulged him too much. Caye saw how Polo`s mother indulged him and saw where it ended. Not good for Polo and many other people. Marina and Polo could be alive and Samu`s family could live with him in Spain, if Polo`s mothers raised their son better. Even if Caye don`t care much about Guzman or Samu and she never knew Marina, she had enough time between seasons to reflect of situation. So with more s2-3 reference that “matter of education thing” Caye says to Philippe`s mother could sound not only as sort of feminist  slogan, but as something very personal and painful for Caye. She was in love with boy, who was spoiled too much by his parents (like Philippe), and it brought a lof pain him, his friends, Caye. I don`t say there are not at all attempts include previous Caye experience in s4. For example, when Caye does google research about Philippe and finds nothings, she is still suspicious because she know, how easy money could erase some thing.  Also that thing with Pilippe`s mother. I think after conversation with her,Caye realized that Philippe`s and Polo`s promblems had very much same roots. But such moments really have not enough space. Guzman had at least one scene, where he speak about his reflection on s1 evens (where he compares Mencia and Marina). I would like to see something like it with Caye.

4) Many things in Caye and Philippe storyline feel offscreen. We know they regularly talk in school, but see very few of it etc. Actors have good chemistry, and since they both like fashion design, it feels enough for beginning of communication, plus Caye had crush on Philippe long before they met, plus she was first who was really friendly with him in new school (in some way it`s repeat of Caye and Polo story, but with more positive vibes). But I want to see more illustration, why Philippe fell in love with Caye so much.

5) Now about Philippe himself. I saw many hateposts and hatecomments about him, and it`s really funny, because I constantly see how many people in this fandom love Polo and think he deserved better, despite Polo is murderer. Yes, he killed Marina out of emotion, but she is fucking dead. She will never resurrect. Guzman will remember till grave that his best friend killed his sister and then was killed by Guzman`s ex-girlfriend, because policy failed to handle their job well. Samu`s brother was forced to left Spain because it. But it took 2 seasons for Polo to understand he needs go to policy and confess he killed Marina. Caye didn`t understood how wrong her actions were till Polo`s death. I don`t know how long was Elodie`s rape, but at least Philippe didn`t need someone`s corpse to realize his mistakes. Inside standart of this show that guy isn`t hopeless. “Everybody deserve second chance” was important point in Caye`s story in s2-3, so now I wonder how writers will play this card in s5 in relationship between Philippe and Caye. 

Also I want to say I was wrong, when doubted in Pol Granch acting, he`s good additon to Elite cast.

6) Caye x Philippe storyline and main storyline. In that seson Elite brings of scene, in additon of another murder and drug traid, sex crimes. Prostitution, rapes. It`s interesting, that connection here takes place through Ari, girl, who has serious problem with sexual behavior, when she`s drunk. She`s know it`s perfectly, but also she knows, that when woman says “no”, it`s means “no” and end of story. I really like her role in Caye and Philippe story and I hope in s5 there will be at least some scenes with her and Caye. Also interesting point were Ari`s word that she never report to the police without prove. It feels ambigous. She knows, Phillippe is not angel at all. But also there is other side of coin. I think, she also knows, reputation can be ruined very easy. During s4 there was subplot with discussion club. And Samu speak that ex-criminals cannot become somebody else, even if they wants. Their reputation in society was ruined. In final of Philippe story he sent Elodie his confession. So maybe writers tried to write about theme “can criminal, who admitted his mistakes, to became somebody else?” through season and I think they will continue it in s5.

Sorry if this all sounds muddled and too long. Maybe later I will make some additon into reblogs to this post, I don`t know.