#I don’t know Camila but what I saw is a girl who was so insecure of herself

[zu-is-here]

https://www.tumblr.com/jakei95/723873522749947904/post-in-english-something-nyx-and-i-want-to?source=share

Thank you for the link! It is a relief that they cut ties and can continue their path separately (◞‿◟)☆

[redahlia-writes]

you make loving fun. | frankie morales x ofc

three. everywhere

content (for this chapter): swearing (in multiple languages), chaotic siblings dynamic, insecurities, references to a past (bad) relationship, fluff, one black eye, a landlord being a landlord (derogatory), frankie being a little bit of an idiot, symbolism if you squint

word count: 6.2k

a/n: for santi's girl please refer to @lcvenderblues (i feel like i'm throwing you to the wolves), and also thank her because it's the main reason why camila and frankie came to be. i wanna thank you all once again for the response to the previous chapters, makes me cry a bit and ily all

reblogs and feedback are always greatly appreciated. you can send it here, too

series masterlist | masterlist

previous

“Frankie has always been the least impulsive of us. When we worked together, it was the two of us bringing down the rashness of the group–I think that’s why we went along in the first place. I looked at him and saw a wise, level-headed, considerate man–and then Camila happened. Sorry, I’m sorry, just a joke! But, truly, ever since she came into his life, Frankie became different–it took me a while to realize it was a good different, that it was, for lack of a better word, his healing. And I liked Camila, since the first day we met: she was funny, kind, smart, beautiful too–most of all, I’d never seen Frankie like that. None of us had. It was odd, I think, and she knew that. I’ve never met anybody as understanding as Camila, as able to read other people as she does, and I’ll admit it was a little scary, in the beginning. But I’ll never forget–and, Fish, you don’t know this–one night, we were out for drinks, and Camila pulled me aside; it was just a few weeks after we’d first met, she looked me straight in the eyes and told me William–swear to God, the first person to call me William in years–, I could never hurt him. She said it like she couldn’t even fathom the idea of doing so, and it was so easy to believe her. It became even easier as time went by, and she stuck not only with Frankie, but the rest of us. So Fish, thank you for bringing her into our lives–I know I don’t have to tell you how lucky both of you are.”

The three men at the door looked at the woman in front of them with a dumbfounded gaze, looking between her and the young girl giggling in her arms. Alba wriggled in her hold, reaching her arms over towards the closest of the three of them.

“Does it take three people to deliver pizza now?” she wondered, her eyes flickering with amusement as she tilted her head to the side, loose strands of her braided hair falling across her face. Alba, turning her head towards her, squealed and imitated her as she looked back at the men, headbutting Camila gently in the cheek with a babble. “I know, baby–they don’t even have the pizza!” she hummed with a grin.

“Sorry,” the tallest of them managed to pull himself back from his haze, leaning forward slightly, “who are you?”

“Camila,” she readjusted Alba on her hip, her gaze wandering across them one more time.

“Mila, do you need–” Frankie called, walking towards the entrance. At the sight of the three men, he stopped in his tracks for a moment. “Carajo,” he muttered under his breath, then reached her side–his hand rose to the small of her back right away, a gentle caress up across her spine as one of Alba’s arms pushed out in his direction. “What are you doing here?”

“Interrupting somethin’, clearly,” the one at the front said, looking at Camila and Alba, then back towards Frankie, dark eyebrows arched. “Surprise?”

“Is this Morales?” a voice called from behind them, and all five turned. “Pizzas for Morales?” the delivery guy offered, tentatively.

“Yeah, sorry,” Frankie sighed, fishing the money from Camila’s cardigan pocket before pushing between the men to retrieve the boxes and pay him. He turned back towards her, his gaze darting between the three before settling on her–she shrugged lightly, her eyebrows arching a little, to which he tilted his head to the side, and only then she nodded. It happened so fast, the others simply stood staring, all equally perplexed, until Frankie sighed again. “So, are you guys staying for dinner?”

“Don’t mind if I do,” the boxes were quickly removed from Frankie’s hands as one of the men walked inside, lingering a moment at the threshold with a little smile on his boyish face. “Hi,” Alba babbled the word back, and his eyes shimmered slightly before he looked at Camila again. “I’m Benny.”

“I know, dear,” she said gently, her smile soft and incredibly warm. Benny tripped on the step to get fully inside, gripping the boxes a little tighter in his hands as he walked past with her free hand brushing his shoulder–he turned to the others, his eyes a little wide. “You’re Will,” she added, looking towards the taller of them–he nodded, his lips pressed a little tighter than before–and then turned to the last of them. “Which means you’re Santiago.”

“Christ, nobody’s called me Santiago in ages apart from my mother,” he muttered, and Frankie elbowed him in the ribs. “Ya basta, pendejo,” he complained, pushing the man aside before stepping forward. “Sorry, chiquitita,” he murmured towards a smiling Alba. “Yes, hi.”

“Ma’am,” Will nodded his head as he walked in, and Camila’s eyes widened a little before she snorted, sending the child in another fit of giggles. Will frowned slightly, his steps faltering as he turned to look over his shoulder at Frankie, right after him.

“Sorry, just–Camila is just fine, Will,” she said, shifting to close the door. Frankie moved at her side, his hand again reaching up her back before he had to grab Alba, her whole body tipping forward to reach for her father. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called ma’am in my life.”

“Get in here and make yourself useful, Miller!” Santi called out from the kitchen, and Will cleared his throat with one last glance in Camila’s direction before walking away.

Frankie bumped his shoulder gently with Camila’s, turning his gaze towards her and mouthing a quiet sorry to which she smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry,” she reassured softly, interlocking her arm with his and walking with him towards the kitchen, where plates and glasses clattered, quick and nervous chattering filling the space. “Besides, you did mention us meeting.”

“Yeah, just–” he took a slow breath in, exhaled when her chin brushed his shoulder. “I think I was hoping it’d happen as late as possible,” she laughed softly, placing yet another kiss on his stubbled cheek.

“Well, at least one of them likes me for sure,” she whispered, glancing at the three bumping into each other in the kitchen, and smiled. “I can work with that. I’ll be right back.”

He let Alba back down to toddle by herself in the kitchen, followed by him shortly–the three men stopped their chat and movements as soon as they saw him, Benny crouching down with his arms wide open to welcome the child.

“If we crashed date night you could just say it,” Santi said, eyebrows arched as he looked at Frankie leaning on the counter.

“She just came over after work, Pope,” he muttered in return, head hanging a little lower. “My place’s closer than hers and neither of us wanted to cook, that’s all.”

“That’s all,” he scoffed, mockingly, before mimicking the other man’s position–elbows on the counter, head slightly tilted to look at him. “You don’t want us here. You wanted to keep hiding her from us.”

“Pope,” Will chided, clear eyes hardening a little with the reproach.

“Hiding her?” Frankie frowned, pushing himself up. “You’ve all known about her for months, what are you talking about?”

“Yeah, six months,” Santi’s eyes darted towards the door and then back to his friend. “You do realize it’s been six fucking months since you first went out with her, right?”

“Don’t listen to your uncle, he can’t watch his mouth,” Benny told Alba, who sat on his bent arm and giggled whenever he looked back up at her. 

“Sorry,” Santi muttered, but quickly turned back towards Frankie. “All I’m saying is, you’re hiding her from us–or us from her, maybe.”

“I’m not hiding anybody, Pope,” Frankie sighed heavily, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “But if you must know, this is why I hadn’t introduced you yet–you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion.”

“This whole thing? You mean your girlfriend, Fish?” Santi snorted, to which Frankie frowned again.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he mumbled, flinching when Benny, suddenly at his side, hit him in the arm. “What?”

“Dude, come on,” the younger Miller said, with a wide grin and his head tilted–Alba imitated him, too, tipping herself to the side. Benny’s hand reached up to balance her. 

“What?” he repeated, shrugging lightly.

“You’ve been spending all your time with her–we gotta start ambushing you to remember what you look like,” Frankie rolled his eyes, stepping back to fold his arms across his chest.

“I don’t spend all–I’m not having this conversation,” he exclaimed at last, shaking his head. “You’re here now, you’re meeting her, that’s it.”

“Still sounds like you don’t want to,” Santi retorted, to which Frankie threw his hands up in the air, head tipped back.

“Dios–you’re unbelievable,” he muttered. His position shifted almost immediately after, shoulders sagging a little as if in relief before he turned his head, just a moment before Camila stepped into the kitchen–she’d undone her hair, washed her face of any residual make-up, barefooted, and looked right at home. “Hungry?”

The three of them glanced at each other as a bubble seemed to form around Frankie and Camila, his eyes crinkling at the corners while she reached his side, nodding with her eyebrows arched. Frankie’s hand sought her arm, trailing down the large sleeve until it brushed her hand, fingers hooking almost as an afterthought. She leaned in, and brushed a quick kiss to Frankie’s lips. The others looked away quickly–it felt like something too homely to be witnessing. Too intimate.

“Starving,” she replied, bumping into his side gently, a smile grazing her lips.

“Mi-a!” Alba called, loudly, rocking herself in Benny’s hold. The woman’s eyes shimmered slightly, and she circled around Frankie to reach for the child–she all but fell in her embrace, with a giggle as soon as her face was buried in the waves of her hair, tugging slightly on the closest lock she could grab.

“Hey, how come you call for her but not your uncle?” Santi protested, reaching for both of them. “Ya pues, digas tío, chiquitita,” he leaned so that his face was a little closer to Camila’s shoulder, where Alba rested her chin and gave a toothy grin. “¿Puedes llamar a tu tío Santi?” the woman chuckled at his sweetened voice, looking towards him from above her shoulder.

“Sorry, Pope,” Frankie exclaimed, his hand coming down onto the man’s back in a mockingly reassuring pat. “Think she has a favorite Garcia now.”

“Yeah, yeah, must run in the family,” he scoffed, then reached over to poke Alba’s cheek. “Pequeña traidora,” he whispered, making the child squeal and hide her face into Camila’s shoulder. “Alright then–I’ll just have to win you back.”

“Oh, you’re making it into a competition?” Camila chuckled, stepping aside and towards the living room–Santi followed shortly after, bringing Alba’s high chair with him.

“Of course I am,” he declared, puffing his chest out a little. “For both Morales,” he added, and Camila’s laughter rang crystalline and loud.

Frankie’s gaze stayed trained on them, blindly reaching for the pizza boxes until another hit against his shoulder from Benny made him groan and rub against the offended spot, looking back at the younger Miller with a frown.

“Will you quit that?” he grumbled, to which Benny snickered.

“Not your girlfriend my ass, Fish,” he took the pizzas from him, walking backwards to the living room with a slightly wilder grin. “You’re not fooling anybody!”

Will, quiet until that moment, tilted his head as Frankie’s gaze moved from his younger brother to Camila–she was crouched down with Alba in front of her and Santi to the side, her hair falling like a curtain across her side profile until she reached up, tucking it behind her ear to reveal a smile. A quick one broke on Frankie’s lips, too, and Will cleared his throat.

“Looks pretty serious,” he commented, level-voiced, and Frankie looked back at him.

“Still figuring it out,” he admitted, occupying his hands by gathering the glasses one of them had already pulled from the pantry. “It’s–you know how it is. Better safe than sorry.”

Will wondered if Frankie was truly unaware there was no safe anymore–not with the way he seemed to be lured by her, eyes and body seeking her even though she was just a few steps away. Not with the way her gaze softened when she looked at him, too, her hand trapped in Alba’s ones.

“How much does she know?” Will asked softly–careful, always calculated Will.

Frankie shrugged, lowering his gaze before turning it to his friend once more.

“All of it.”

“The pilot license?” he nodded, tapping his index against the side of the glass he was holding. “Colombia?”

“All of it, Will,” he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, brows pinched together. “She’s known for a while, and she’s still here, and things are good. Actually good.”

“Alright,” Will said quickly, stepping towards him and reaching to squeeze his shoulder. Frankie exhaled heavily, face relaxing. “Alright, Frankie, I’m sorry,” he added, and sighed before taking the glasses from Frankie. “She does seem nice. I’ll tone it down.”

“Thank you,” he nodded once, and turned his gaze to meet hers across the room–a quick smile pulled at his mouth once more, instinctual and soft. “She really, really is. She’s good.”

Camila’s fingers gently scratched across his scalp, the images on the TV screen blurring with each passing moment–the movie played softly, sound muffled by one of his ears pressed against her thighs, one hand brushing small and slow circles over her knee from above the hem of her skirt.

Alba was asleep in her room, a reprieve from her ever growing vocabulary and the quickness of her steps that had left them both exhausted–Frankie knew that if neither of them made a move to get up and go to bed, they’d probably spend the night right there on the couch.

“Whose idea was it to go out today?” he mumbled, cheek squished against her leg that turned his words into a light slur. Camila chuckled, trailing the hand that was in his hair down to the nape of his neck, making him sigh softly.

“Yours,” he gave a gentle squeeze to her knee and groaned.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing himself against her a little harder–Camila chuckled again. “The park, too?”

“It’s such a nice day,” she responded, deepening her voice in a mock imitation of him. “The sun’s out, it’ll do Alba some good to be outside. Oh, let’s also invite the others!”

“That is not how I speak,” he protested, pinching her inner thigh–she snorted, wriggling a little underneath him. In response, he draped his whole arm over her legs, locking her in place. “Besides, you’re the one who brought that cake–the sugar high is on you.”

“Your mom gave me the recipe! I had to try it,” she retorted with an offended gasp, poking his shoulder with her finger. A buzz came from the coffee table in front of them–the nth of the evening–and the laughter in her words left space to a heavy sigh as she waved towards her own phone, its screen lit. “Could you turn that off?”

“Sure,” he murmured, holding onto her legs to reach for it. “Do you want to see what it is?” he asked, lifting it over his head to offer it to her–she made an annoyed noise from the back of her throat, and he twisted his neck a little to look back at her.

“No need, it’s just my landlord again,” she muttered, taking the phone from him with a grimace twisting her lips. He watched her as she pressed on the shut off button before throwing the phone aside, pulling her glasses over her head. 

“Everything alright?” he asked, once more softly, moving his hand over the top of her legs.

“Yeah, he’s just–breathing down my neck,” she sighed, sinking a little against the backrest. “Next rent payment is coming up–a few months ago work didn’t pay me on time, so I couldn’t pay him on time, and he started being an ass about it,” she scoffed, fingertips brushing through his locks again. “Texts me every single time, even though I’ve been punctual ever since.”

“Maybe you could not pay him,” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself, and he tried to play it off with a shrug that reverberated across her body, too.

“I still need the apartment, Frankie,” she chuckled softly, rolling the tip of a lock between her fingertips. “I can’t just decide to–” when his body tensed, Camila stopped and he felt her shift in her seat, leaning slightly forward. “Wait, what do you mean?”

Frankie’s ears started to burn as he felt her gaze on the side of his face, and he quickly cleared his throat to try and clear the knot that had formed.

“I mean, you’re here most of the time,” he murmured, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “Half your stuff’s here already, and you’re closer to work, so I just thought–” he closed his eyes, drawing a slow breath in.

Silence wrapped around them, the only sound that of the now forgotten movie and his own heart thundering, blood rushing to his ears. There it was, he thought, the reckoning–he’d fucked up truly this time, had let himself run away with the comfort of their situation, but it had been too much, too soon, too–

“Frankie,” she tapped against his shoulder, voice and touch equally soft as she shifted on the couch and tried to slide from under him. Reluctantly, he pulled himself up, keeping his gaze lowered to where she was crossing her legs and turning towards him. “I need to be sure you’re asking what I think you’re asking,” her hand searched for his across the cushion. “Do you–are you asking me to move in? Here, with you and Alba?”

“God knows she wouldn’t be thrilled to have you here every day,” he scoffed softly, then slowly lifted his eyes. Her glasses were a little askew over her head, eyes wide and eyebrows arched as she let her gaze dart across his form. “I would too, and I know–” he locked his index around her small finger, pulling her hand up and towards his lap, “it’s soon, and quick, and maybe too much, I just thought–it’s convenient, is it not?”

“You’re not asking me just because it’s convenient,” he shifted his hand until they were palm to palm, her eyes moving from the point they were joined back towards his face, a flicker of doubt crossing her eyes. “Are you?”

“No, of course not,” he shook his head, and she moved closer across the couch, leaning in a little–he caught her side with his free hand, thumb rubbing at her waist, right underneath her ribcage. “You wouldn’t have to worry about rent–that apartment is awful, anyway,” he added with a quick, nervous laugh.

“Frankie, honey,” her free hand reached up to cup his jaw, and in doing so he met her gaze fully, drawing a quick breath in before melting towards her touch. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I am,” trailing up her side and arm, he wrapped his hand around hers right against his face, pressing his cheek into her palm. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s a big change, Frankie,” she kept her voice low, yet he still could catch the nervous edge on the tip of her tongue. “For you, for Alba–do you really want me here all the time? It’s–” she must’ve noticed the shift in his expression, the slow retreating of his expectant gaze as his lips dropped into a half-pout. Too much, too soon, too eager, too– “I need to know you’re actually sure. Because waking up next to you is the happiest I’ve been in almost two years–a little more, if I’m being honest–and I can’t get my hopes up if it’s just, I don’t know, a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

He had realized early on that Camila rarely held back–over the course of the months they’d kept seeing each other, he’d pieced together the messiness of her last relationship, the sorrys and moments of silence she carried after it, the uncertainties that still manifested in her sometimes-gazes towards him. A work in progress, she called it, trying to smile it off–but Frankie could see the frustration when she thought she’d done something wrong, and caught herself seizing up for it, searching his gaze for reassurance.

It nearly broke his heart.

Yet it made him understand why doubt was clinging to her like a second skin, why she sought more and more of him as they talked about it.

“This is it for me, Mila,” letting go of her hands, he reached for her waist and pulled her close–as close as he could before she had to move onto his lap. Her hands fell to his chest, gripping the collar of his shirt. “It is a big change, but I don’t mind it–and I can assure you, Alba won’t either. I do think she likes you more than me,” she chuckled softly, bottom lip trembling slightly. “And I’m absolutely sure–if you don’t want to now, then someday else,” he shrugged, squeezing her waist once in reassurance before smiling. “But, even now, I wouldn’t mind coming home to you every night–although actually, it’s you coming home to me, but still–” his sentence was cut off by her lips pressing to his, quick and a little messy in her hastiness.

Frankie’s arms wrapped around her, one hand shifting up across her spine as she almost toppled over to get closer and closer and closer still–he could feel her hands moving from his chest to his shoulders, up his neck, in his hair, shuddering breaths across his lips as she pressed herself into his front, moving onto her knees and straddling him.

“Is that a yes?” he slurred through the kisses, leaning against the backrest of the couch and bringing her with him–her lips trailed down across his cheek, his jaw, and he squeezed her hips once, twice, chuckling. “Mila–”

“Yes,” she mumbled, arms wrapping around his shoulders before she buried her head in the curve of his neck–all the tension left her body, and he blindly reached up to take the glasses from her head, the frame pushing a little into his jaw until he placed them aside. “Frankie?”

“Yes, baby?” he asked softly, brushing through her hair, nape of her neck and down her back. It was easier to confess while hiding against his collar, thumb brushing the side of his neck–his pulse jumped towards her touch, eyes closing as he sighed in response to her words.

“You’re it for me, too.”

And although he had been terrified in the beginning, Frankie knew there was no timeline where, as they kept seeing each other, he wouldn’t fall deeply, deeply for her. He’d known it, deep down, from the day he’d woken up with her in his arms for the first time; from the first time he’d seen her with Alba, and his heart had skipped a beat; even before, he’d known it when they were in his car, and her voice, loud, louder, had brought back to life a part of him he hadn’t realized he was missing.

“Should I see the other guy?” Camila took Benny’s face in her hands as soon as he walked out in the backyard, angling his head down towards her to get a better view of his left eye–bruised and slightly swollen, it made his eyelid droop a little. “Thought you were done with boxing,” she sighed, frowning ever so slightly.

“MMA,” he corrected, and she arched her eyebrows at him, tilting her head slightly to the side. “Sorry–it’s nothing, wasn’t a fight.”

“Sure looks like one,” she let go of him, stepping back toward the table set behind her shoulders–between more food than all of them could ever consume and drinks, was a bucket of ice she fished from, dropping some of the ice-cubes in a dishcloth that was resting at the corner of the table.

“I mean it, it’s nothing, it’s–” he hissed when she gently placed the ice against the corner of his eye, ducking his head. She held him still by the chin, keeping him so that he was looking down at her. “It’s stupid, really. Don’t worry.”

“A dude was being an asshole to some girl at the market and he stepped in,” Will called from behind his brother, and Camila’s eyebrows arched up again, gaze wandering from one Miller to the other–Benny’s expression was twisted, somewhere between guilt and coyness. 

“I see,” she nodded, her head tilted again. “You were being a knight in shining armor, then,” color crept along Benny’s cheeks, warming his face up a little. “Did you get her number?”

“That’s not–” he tried to argue, but bit his tongue the moment he met Camila’s gaze again, holding his breath for a beat before exhaling. “Yeah.”

She broke into a grin, shifting on her tiptoes to plant a kiss over his still bent head.

“Good boy,” she hummed before patting his shoulder. “Keep the ice on, and eat something–both of you,” she said then, stepping back.

“Yes, ma’am,” Will nodded, already half-way towards the laid out table. Camila scoffed, the back of her hand smacking against his shoulder before he could turn with a wide grin, his head bent towards her.

“Knock the ma’am off, Miller,” she pointed a finger at him, accusingly, and he quickly wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight before he lifted her off the ground, making her squeal with laughter despite her best effort. “This is the last time I’m warning you!” she exclaimed, ruffling his slicked back hair.

“Heard that before,” he chuckled, having now to tip his head back. She scoffed, a mock eye-roll before the smile took over again and she leaned her head down with a noisy kiss to his cheek.

“Where’s Santiago? Is he late again?” she asked, resting her arms over his shoulders, legs still dangling in the air. Will shrugged lightly.

“He’s inside with Frankie and his girl,” the moment the words left his mouth, Camila’s posture shifted, straightening her back as her gaze snapped towards the sliding door.

Frankie had gone to open the door while she finished setting the table for the impromptu almost-fully-moved-in celebration, as they called it, and in that moment she could almost catch a glimpse of his shoulders by the kitchen counter, his back turned on them.

“I’m sorry, did you just say his girl?” Will chuckled, and before she could even start wriggling out of his hold, he set her down and watched her sprint towards the kitchen.

“Pope’s not gonna like that,” Benny told his brother, words slightly muffled by the olive pit turning in his mouth and the ice pressing down his cheek.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” was his only reprimand.

Inside, Camila all but fell against Frankie, leaning forward as he was mid-sentence while holding onto his shoulders–he smiled right away, hands coming up to brush her arms before tilting his head to rest a kiss against her temple. In front of them, Santi held Alba with her arms tightly wound around his neck, and at his side a woman shuffled on the spot, lowering her gaze a little.

“Hi,” Camila said, interlocking her hands with Frankie’s.

“And this is the lady of the house,” Santi all but sighed, tilting his head to look at the woman by his side. “Although there’s not much on the lady part.”

“Cállate, cabrón,” she muttered in response, and Alba wriggled in Santi’s arms.

“Tío!” she called, enthusiastically–Santi’s eyes shimmered, his smile widening.

“You’re right, sweetie–it’s tío cabrón,” she nodded, her voice slightly lowered as she grinned. Frankie chuckled as she shook his head, while Santi’s face dropped in a deep frown that made the woman at his side hide her smile behind her hand.

“Hey, don’t take her side already,” he protested, looking at the woman from over Alba’s head.

“Oh, no–do take my side,” Camila detangled herself from Frankie–much to his dismay, his hand catching the ends of her hair as she brushed past him to reach the other woman’s side. “It’s nice to have some respite from all the testosterone going around in this house,” she added, leaning in almost conspiratorially. She chuckled, gaze darting from Santi–his expression turned in mock-offense–back to Camila.

“Glad to be of service,” she said, sweet-voiced. “And contrary to what he’s letting on now, Santi’s only ever spoken nicely of you–so it’s nice to meet you.”

“Betrayer,” the aforementioned man mumbled, making Frankie snort. Camila turned to look over her shoulder at him, sticking her tongue out and consequently sending Alba in a fit of giggles. “Camila, I’m warning you–”

“Yes, yes,” she waved her hand dismissively, locking her arm with the woman’s to lead her towards the sliding door, their steps matching–the woman looked back just once, a half-apologetic look in her eyes that was accompanied by a smile nevertheless. Santi sighed, defeated, watching the two head outside, back to the Millers.

“Fish, I swear that if your girlfriend does anything–”

“Not my girlfriend,” he interrupted, his gaze still turned towards Camila. With a roll of his eyes, Santi hit the man on the shoulder with the back of his free hand, regaining his attention with a flinch.

“Seriously? You literally live together,” he scoffed, as Frankie shrugged and reached for his daughter instead. The child all but launched herself into her father’s embrace, still giggling.

“We haven’t discussed it, is all,” at that, Santi rolled his eyes again. “So what? We lived together. Should I call you my ex boyfriend?”

“Very mature,” he tsked, shaking his head. “Don’t you think maybe it’s time you do talk about it? What’s the worst that could happen, she says no and moves back out?” he snorted at Frankie’s growing worried gaze, resting one hand over his shoulder. “I doubt that’s how it’ll go, man. Seriously.”

“So you’re gonna finally do the same?” he retorted, letting go of Alba as she squirmed out of his grip and called for Mila. “Be careful, nena–she’s right outside.”

“What are you talking about?” although he tried playing it off quickly, still an edge remained to Santi’s words–he cleared his throat when Frankie looked back towards him, his eyebrows arched. “I told you a million times, we’re just–”

“Friends, sure thing,” it was Frankie’s turn to clasp his hand over Santi’s shoulder. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Pope.”

Santiago hung back as the man made his way outside, and watched when, as soon as she saw him, Camila’s face broke into a smile, quick to welcome him in her embrace once again. Frankie kissed her cheek, her jaw, murmuring something in her ear with a grin that made her laugh, so loud Alba had to join in from her post on the grass.

At their side, lowering her gaze towards the tip of her shoes, was the other woman, hands falling down her sides with a shy smile before she stepped back slightly–and looked up. Their eyes met through the open door, her smile widening and his own returning quickly, instinctively, and something pulled at his chest–hooked underneath his ribs, brushing the edges of his heart, he felt it tug him forward and outside, unrelenting until he reached her.

“Are you sure about the couch?” Frankie called from the living room, his head turned towards the kitchen where he could hear Camila.

“You already have a couch, honey,” she walked in with the nth box in her arms over the course of how many days, weeks, the branches of the rosemary plant poking out from above the edge, purple flowers decorating some of its extremities. “A bigger, way more comfortable one, actually.”

“But it’s practically new,” he protested, placing his hands on one of the cushions, right by half-asleep Alba. “It’s just a pity,” Camila chuckled, placing the box on the ground and walking up to him. “We could put it in storage.”

“It’ll just collect dust in storage, Frankie,” she said softly, wrapping her arms around him and leaning against his back–he straightened himself as she did, her cheek pressing against his shoulder before shifting onto her tiptoes, hooking her chin over the bent of his neck. “We don’t need it–I got everything I had to. I have everything.”

He sighed, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he rested his hands on top of hers–he could feel Camila’s breathy chuckle against his skin before she lowered her lips to his neck, peppering soft kisses along the edge of the collar of his shirt, side to nape in a delicate brush. 

“It’s a really nice couch,” he murmured, and she smiled against his skin.

“I know, it’s the first thing I bought,” she said softly, moving then to his side–she went under his arm, and he wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her in as she took his hand, locking herself into his embrace. “It looks better here, anyway.”

“Is it too late to ask you if you’re sure about this?” he asked, their fingers interlocking.

“Yes,” she turned her head with a light smile, cheek pressed to his shoulder. “You’re not having second doubts, are you?” she asked then, voice softer.

“Of course not,” his response was immediate, turning as well to look at her–her smile widened at his words, shifting their intertwined hands towards her chest. “Just–making sure you don’t have any, either.”

Camila’s gaze softened, carefully unknotting them to move in front of him–still close enough she had to tilt her head slightly back to keep looking at him, pressing his hand to her chest a moment longer before lifting it to her lips. His free hand rose towards her side, brushing his fingers along her hip as she left a gentle kiss across his knuckles and then all but pressed herself to his front. He smiled when she bumped the tip of her nose with his, half-chasing her.

“No doubt whatsoever,” she hummed before their lips met once, twice, soft kisses that crinkled the corners of her eyes. “I never planned on staying here long, I just had to get away from that house, and him,” she shrugged, Frankie’s brows knitting slightly.

I spent so much time during that relationship staying quiet, staying still–he remembered the words clearly from their first morning together, and she’d reconstructed it piece by piece during the following months. Camila counted herself among the lucky ones–her body had never taken the brunt of his boredom, or annoyance. And still she carried some marks.

Still she’d practically ran.

“I would’ve moved in with you on the first night,” she admitted then, grinning.

“Because you liked the house,” he scoffed with mock-offense, and she turned her lips in a half-pout, tipping her chin up.

“Of course. Why else?” he saw her lips quiver with the attempt to hold back a smile, and leaned in to kiss her a little more harshly, making her laugh against his mouth as she brought her hand to his cheek. When he pulled back, she sighed. “Right–maybe for that. And the house.”

“I’ll take it,” he relented with a shrug, followed by an almost sheepish smile–she kissed it off his lips, once and twice and once more, a quiet laughter that she interrupted quickly, slipping out of his grasp before he could even protest it.

“Nena, don’t eat those directly from the plant,” she called softly, walking a bee-line towards the box left behind and Alba, sitting by the rosemary and trying to chew the flowers off the branches. “Here, look,” Camila said, kneeling at her side and plucking some of the small, purple flowers, placing them one by one on Alba’s palm. “My yaya would make candies out of these, but I think they taste nice on their own, too.”

“Can-y,” Alba tried to speak and put the flower in her mouth at the same time, butchering the word–still, with a smile, Camila nodded and mimicked her, placing the flower on the tip of her tongue.

“Yes, can-y,” Alba giggled at the slightly muffled mispronunciation, reaching with her hands towards Camila’s–she gave her another one of the flowers. “You know, if the plant sticks properly in the garden, next year we’re gonna have so many of these,” she added, saying it like a secret.

Frankie’s heart stuttered at her words–next year, we, given as a certainty.

He walked to them both, crouching by them–Camila offered him a flower, which he ate directly from her fingertips, making her scrunch up her nose in mock-disgust while looking at Alba, the kid laughing again and grasping Frankie’s pant leg.

“You sure you want to move it to the garden?” he asked carefully, hand coming down Alba’s head to ruffle her soft curls. The child lifted her arms to wrap them around her dad’s wrist, pulling his hand to her.

“I want it to take root,” Camila nodded, brushing her fingertips along the leaves of the plant. “I found its perfect home already–a great sunny corner. It’ll grow nicely,” she added, meeting his gaze with her voice a little lower. Again Frankie’s heart swelled, and he nodded as he leaned in, nose brushing her hair as he kissed her temple–the rosemary smell clung to her skin, welcoming him home.

next

[gingeraleluke]

congrats on 2k!! Heartbeat: vinnie hacker; easy by camila cabello <3

𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘆

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: vinnie hacker x fem!influencer reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: vinnie’s girlfriend thinks she’s too difficult to love.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: arguing, angsty/fluff, vinnie being aggravated, insecure reader, and uh….smutty

𝗔/𝗡: hi guys. i’ve been away from tumblr for a while and apologize for the hiatus. i’ve been dealing with a lot and have been somewhat open about it on here so i appreciate all of the love you guys have been sending me. i didn’t forget about you, im just healing. i love you guys and hope you enjoy <3

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

you tell me that i’m complicated

and that might be an understatement

anything else?

vinnie had his eyes glued to his phone, not noticing how his girlfriends jaw was clenched and her arms were crossed, closing herself off. “i just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me earlier, this is just gonna be way more complicated now.”

“because i didn’t feel that way earlier!” the baggy shirt she wore hung off her bare shoulders, as she internally reconsidered her decision. it was difficult for her to separate her feelings with her wants in times like these.

vinnie wouldn’t fight back, but she could tell he was annoyed as he scrummaged through his social media and deleted the photos and videos. “i don’t get why this is so complicated for you.”

complicated.

a word that she had heard more times than she’d like to admit, described perfectly for her. her biggest fear and most agonizing worry was that she would be just that— too complicated— and hearing the word leave her boyfriends lips, she felt that it was all coming to fruition.

“i wasn’t trying to be complicated, i just…i didn’t wanna keep it from you.” she apologized, feeling herself become sick to her stomach with guilt.

you tell me that i’m indecisive

fickle but i try to hide it

anything else?

“i don’t get what—why are you changing your mind all of a sudden? what happened? i thought you were asleep, it’s like…2am..” he checked the clock dropping his phone on the couch. “well it’s all deleted now. i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable.” he both his hands on the back of his head while looking up at the ceiling.

“you didn’t! i promise, you didn’t, i just… don’t wanna exist on the internet right now.”

vinnie snapped his head back, leering at the girl, “see, now that makes no sense.”

“what?” she whined, trying not to get him upset as he made his way over to her.

“you can’t just delete yourself from the internet whenever you feel like it, baby. you’re an influencer—“

“yeah, who barely shows her face on camera! i don’t make thirst traps and when i do, they stay in the drafts.”

“that’s my problem?”

“no! i just, i didn’t like the pictures, okay?”

“but you liked them when you first saw them, so why wait fifteen hours to say something? where is this indecision coming from?”

“no where! i always had it, i just…i don’t know.”

you tell me that i overthink

till i ruin a good thing

anything else?

“yeah, well, i do know. you’re overthinking just like you always do. you can never just let something be good, you always have to ruin it for yourself.” vinnie argued, shoving by her and walking down the stairs.

y/n stood there, complacent. she hated arguing with him and she felt like even more of a burden now.

why couldn’t you just leave it be?

maybe you didn’t even look that bad in those videos..

maybe everything he’s saying is right.

he suppressed a sigh when he heard his girlfriends footsteps following after him, hoping that she would just drop it and leave it be. he kissed his teeth, turning towards the kitchen while shaking his head slightly, his eyes rolling backwards in annoyance.

“you’re right.”

vinnie scoffed, keeping his back turned while his hands continued peeling a banana. “i know i’m right.”

“i don’t know why i do it. i don’t mean to, i just… am hard on myself, and you’re right, i should have said something sooner and i’ll make a post about it if people ask questions, i just..i didn’t feel…”

“what? you didn’t feel what?” an annoyed vinnie dropped the banana on the counter and turned around, not expecting to see the girl he loved so upset. he couldn’t tell from her voice that she was crying, but there she was; lips pouty and eyelids low while tears slid down her cheeks. his face immediately softened.

“sometimes i don’t feel like a good person.” her bottom lip quivered and her feet were planted into the floor. she held her hands together, clasped, like she was trying to apologize and she’d bat her lashes while looking up at the kitchen light, as to dry them.

vinnie’s heart broke.

“i know i am, but…i feel like other people deserve my life more than i do..” she couldn’t hold the tears back anymore and gasped slightly before continuing. “i-i know it’s like..stupid, but, i just feel guilty all the time like i’m not doing enough or not grateful enough and i don’t know why, i don’t know, i wish i did, i swear, vinnie.” she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand before letting her arms fall and a sign escape her lips. “i just..have a voice in the back of my head that constantly tells me i’m too much to handle and that i’m not built for this. for you.”

there it was. that rush of blood that shot to her head every time she spoke up to vinnie. she wasn’t sure what it was, maybe something from her past or maybe she was just wired this way, but she was constantly terrified of upsetting him. arguments weren’t her thing and made her physically sick if she even thought about it, but vinnie was the most stubborn person she had ever met so once you start the conversation with him, there is no stopping it.

“hey..” he cooed, walking around the kitchen island and making his way towards her. he leaned down to meet her level and softly pressed her head against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. he could feel her cry quietly in his arms. “shh, baby. it’s okay,” he whispered, leaving deep kisses on the top of her head.

you tell me that you’d rather fight

than spend a single peaceful night

with somebody else

“i’m sorry, okay? i was a little harsh, it’s not a big deal. please don’t cry about it.” he slowly rocked her back and forth, keeping her trapped in his arms. she put her hands up against his chest, trying to push and snake her way out of his grasp.

“hey—“

“no, vinnie. it’s me, you’re right, okay? i don’t wanna argue or talk about it anymore, i’m just gonna go to bed.” she turned around, clearly still upset. vinnie moved his hand up her arm, lightly tugging her back to him.

“no, baby. stop. we aren’t arguing anymore, i just wanna talk about it.”

“no, vin, because then we will argue and you’ll get mad at me—“

“baby, listen!“ he put his hands on both sides of her face, making her look at him. “what’s going on with you?”

“nothing, vin! i just wanna leave you be—“

“but i don’t want you to leave me be. i want you, only you, whether you’re upset or not. i’d rather argue with you than spend a night with somebody else.”

“yeah, i find that hard to believe.” y/n scoffed, shaking her head.

you really, really know me

the future and the old me

all the mazes and the madness in my mind

“stop, okay? let’s-let’s just go sit down in bed and we can talk it through and figure something out, i don’t want you to go to bed upset.” vinnie trailed behind the girl as she began walking away.

“i don’t want to, vinnie. i’m tired.” she complained, groaning internally, and there it was; that trite excuse that would continuously fall from her lips whenever they bickered late at night.

“no, okay? you always say that, i’m not stupid. we are talking and then you can go to bed. i’m not ending this here.” he watched her, his hand resting on the side of the door frame while she dropped onto their bed, on top of the covers.

“just end it here.”

“no.”

“why not?” she could hear his voice come closer as he sat beside her, her back facing him.

“because, i know you and i know that you will stay up all night overthinking and then you’ll wake up sad in the morning with a migraine and act like everything is okay when it’s not and i’m fucking sick of doing that, i want you comfortable.”

he knows me so well.

you really, really love me

you know me and you love me

and it’s the kind of thing i always hoped to find

y/n shifted over so she was facing him, but kept her eyelids low and fixated on the bed. “hey.”

“mm”

“look at me.” vinnie’s voice was soft and caring in a way that made her entire being almost dissipate in thin air from it’s adorableness. he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear while she gained the courage to look up at him. she couldn’t help the small smile that appeared when she saw his face.

“now i’m gonna say this once, and i want you to listen, okay? because i’m not good with words and i tend to be an idiot sometimes.” y/n chuckled and nodded, waiting for him to finish.

“i love you. like, i really fucking love you, okay? i don’t care what happens or what anyone things, all i care about is us and i want us to be happy and i’ll do whatever i need to make that happen, okay? you’re mine. i don’t care about whatever it is that you freak out about in your head, okay? that’s not real. my love for you is real. you got that?”

always thought i was hard to love till you made it seem so easy, seem so easy

y/n nodded, leaning forwards and clinging onto him. “i know. i know and i love you more vinnie, i swear i do.”

“are you okay now? do you feel any better?”

“yes, actually. you make me feel really safe, vin. i hope you know that.” vinnie grabbed the side of her face and connected his lips to hers, cutting off any other words from leaving her lips. the kiss felt loving, yet desperate.

“um..are you gonna go to bed?” their mouths were just mere inches apart and his breathing was borderline heavy.

“not for a little while, i was just gonna edit some stuff, why?”

“because you um…you look really fucking hot when you wear my clothes and it’s kinda turning me on.”

“oh, really?”

touch me till i find myself never fearing

tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving

“yeah, is that bad? i know you were literally just crying a second ago so—yeah, that’s bad. fuck—i’m sorry—“

“no! it’s not bad.” she sat up and wrapped one leg around his torso, straddling him. she was barely even touching him, and yet she could feel him tense up and his breath hitch. “seeing how much you care about me was kinda turning me on too..”

“oh, really?”

“mmhmm.”

“good to know.” he smirked, stopping once he felt her body weight move forwards, his hard on making it hard for him to keep it together. “god, shit. look, baby, can i please just fucking worship you for a second. we don’t even have to fuck, i just wanna see you naked, please.”

“i’m not gonna stop you—“ she was cut off by him sitting up and pushing her down, her back pressed against the bed and her hair dangling down the side.

“mm, you know how badly i wish you didn’t hate yourself? like, fuck, i’m looking at you right now and i can’t even think straight and that’s not because i’m turned on, that’s how it is for me all the time when i see you, and i’ll do whatever i can to make you see yourself like that.” he scooted towards the other side of the bed, grabbing her ankles. “move you over for me.” he mumbled, “come closer? there you go.”

“you left your phone and banana in the kitchen.”

“does it look like i care?” vinnie chuckled, towering over her and slowly creeping the hem of her shirt up, exposing her belly button. “i’ve got all i need right here.”

i never liked my crooked teeth

you tell me they’re your favorite thing

anything else?

his hands were cold and the feeling of them on her hips was driving her crazy. “mm, so pretty. what a pretty girl.” while the sight of her panties was arousing enough, he moved up back to her face, sitting up between her legs. “can i have you do something for me, baby?”

“what?”

“you think you can suck my fingers while i kiss on your neck?”

“i’d love to.” she practically moaned, smiling while he lightly shoved his digits into her mouth before arching his back and letting his head drop between her neck, watching her suck on his fingers while kissing on her jawline.

“pretty fucking lips, pretty fucking teeth, pretty fucking face.” he reached a hand up to pet back her hair as she continued sucking, his lips making there way down her neck. “god, let me see your tits..” he muttered, ripping his shirt up and over her head and removing his fingers.

“so pretty. so pretty when you’re naked like this.” vinnie took her neck into his hand, feverishly kissing her. “good job, so good.”

she whimpered a reply while he moved his hands down the sides of her body. he left small kisses down her stomach while keeping eye contact with her, his messy hair covering his eyebrows.

stretch marks all around my thighs

kiss em till i change my mind

about everything else

“mmm, vinnie please—“

“be patient.”

y/n jolted at the sudden feeling of his lips against her inner thighs, leaving sloppy kisses. “fuck, vinnie.”

“mm, pretty stretch marks. god, they are so fucking sexy.” she involuntarily tangled her fingers into his hair, watching as he kissed over her thighs. “fucking love you. never leaving you, ever.”

“please don’t.”

he looked up at his girlfriend, rising back up to meet her face. “never will.”

he mumbled into her lips, leaving a few more kisses on her neck, before traveling back down between her thighs.

[hopelessromantic727]

Calum Hood- Consequences

Author's Note: This imagine was inspired by Camila Cabello's song "Consequences"

Word Count: 1458

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader

Warnings: None

Genre: Angst

- - - - -

He has never felt this way before. He’s never felt so much hurt in his heart. His desire to not leave his home was strong at this time of heartache. His phone was long dead. He didn't bother getting up to charge it. The phone was the only connection he had to the outside world, something Calum didn't want to know about.

"Loving her was dumb..." he thought for the millionth time that day.

He felt a few tears slide down his cheeks, not bothering to wipe them when there was plenty more to come. His mind, once again, playing flashbacks of their times together. When everything was sunshine until it poured.

He remembered the first time they both said, "I love you." Both of them sixteen, saying it because it felt right, and they knew that what they had was true love. They thought their love would last forever, but things didn’t go as planned.

His mind went back to a day he remembers too well. How couldn't he? It was the day he knew what real heartbreak was.

He remembers the makeup running down her face as she cried. He had quickly thought of ways to make her smile, anything to stop her crying and see her happy, but before he could try, he saw that the promise ring he had given her on her nineteenth birthday was no longer on her ring finger, instead, it was in her pocket, ready to be given back to him.

Calum started sobbing, recalling what she had told him that day.

“I’m sorry Calum, but I don’t think we should be together anymore.” She said, turning to look at him, getting teary-eyed.

“W-what do you mean?” He asked, looking at her confused, “do you not love me anymore?”

“Of course I do Cal, it’s just,” she looked away, shaking her head, “I think it’s better if we go our separate ways...” she said after a moment.

Calum stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to say. Sensing his confusion, she stepped closer to him and grabbed his hand.

“Listen, Cal,” she paused for a moment, “I think you’re better off without me.”

Calum started shaking his head, opening his mouth to speak, but Y/N beat him to it. “Listen to me please,” she said, cupping his jaw making him look at her. She saw him tearing up, “it’s for the better love,” she said, smiling softly at him. She leaned her forehead against his, both of them closing their eyes.

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” She said quietly, tears leaving her eyes. She took out the ring from her back pocket, grabbing his hand and putting the ring in the palm of his hand, closing it. She put her hand on top of his closed one and stepped away from him, heading towards the door.

Calum stood there as he watched the love of his life walk out the door. He heard her car leave his driveway, and he fell to his knees and started crying uncontrollably, staring at the closed door.

Calum sobbed harder at the memory, holding the ring to his chest. He was planning on getting her an actual ring, but those plans got ruined. Her departure felt recent even though it’s already been a month and a half since she left him. She had managed to leave an imprint on his heart.

Her smile and laugh haunted his mind, everything about her did. He thought only good things about her because that’s how Y/N was, good. Too good for him. He remembers the night he had confessed his feelings of insecurity to her.

They were both laying in each other’s arms in his bed, enjoying each other’s presence.

“I have to tell you something,” Calum mumbled into her hair, laying his chin on top of her head.

She hummed in response, letting him know she was listening.

“You’re too good for me… and I… I’m afraid that once you realize that, you’ll leave me for someone who does deserve you.” He said, holding back tears as his voice broke towards the end of his confession.

She looked up at him, placing her hand on his cheek, “I’ll never leave you, Cal. I love you, and I want you. Only you.”

He smiled at her, leaning down to kiss her, feeling nothing but contentment.

Ever since then, she would always reassure him that he did deserve her.

He put his arm over his eyes as he kept remembering the times he spent with her.

The way she would annoy him by playing “Heartbreak Girl” and singing it loudly as he playfully rolled his eyes at her, secretly loving it.

The way she furrowed her eyebrows when she was reading, concentrating on the words printed on the page.

The way she smiled at him and laughed at the stupid jokes he made.

And most importantly, he remembered the way she looked at him, her eyes full of love and adoration for the man standing in front of her. Her eyes always had a special spark in them that was there just for him. He always felt butterflies when she looked at him like that.

He knew that she was the love of his life.

He never believed in soulmates, but that changed when he met her. He knew that because of the love they had, how much she loved him, and how much he loved her.

Loving her was everything he’s ever wanted and dreamed of; wild, free, cool, and sweet. Full of sunshine and happiness. A safe place for him. A place he could let his guard and defenses down. A place where he could be vulnerable and not be afraid to be judged for it. She had encouraged him, telling him that he was safe with her, and ever since, he would go to her when life was taking a toll on him.

He swore he had never felt that much love before, and right now, he swore that he has never felt this much pain before.

* * * * * * * * *

A few hours went by as Calum’s crying got softer and quieter until it stopped. After a few moments, Calum decided to get up. Going to the bathroom, he saw his reflection in the mirror. His eyes bloodshot, and his cheeks flushed with stained tears. He turned away from the mirror, not wanting to look at the mess he was.

He slid the shower glass door and turned on the water. He got undressed as he waited for the water to get warm. After 45 minutes of showering, he turned off the water and slid the door open. He stepped out of the shower, and reached for a towel, drying himself. Going into his room, he went to his closet and started grabbing clothes to wear.

As he was getting dressed, he decided that it was time to move on. There was nothing to gain by just slouching around with a broken heart. He had to work, keep himself busy, anything to not let his mind wander back to her.

He grabbed his phone from the floor and plugged in his charger, setting his phone on the nightstand. As he waited for it to charge, he started cleaning his room.

He went to the laundry room, getting a basket to put his dirty clothes in and a trash bag. Once he returned to his room, he started picking up all his dirty clothes and empty bottles of alcohol off the ground.

Twenty minutes passed by, and he grabbed his phone, turning it on. He saw all his messages, missed calls, and voicemails from his bandmates and family members. He slid his thumb across the screen repeatedly, erasing all his notifications.

He sent a message to the band’s group chat, letting them know that he was coming to the studio today to join them. He unplugged his phone from the charger when he noticed that it was at 60%. He checked the time, 6:08pm.

He walked out of his room and walked downstairs, heading towards the door. He grabbed his green empathy hoodie and opened the door. He closed it and walked towards his car while putting his hoodie on. He got in his car and put his keys in the engine, turning them to the side, starting the car. He started driving towards the studio. As he was driving, Calum made a promise to himself. One that he would keep for two years without fail.

"I'm never gonna fall in love again..."

~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading this, let me know what you think of my first imagine :') <3

[sepublic]

King’s encouragement to Luz

           All right, but another thing I very much appreciate about Really Small Problems is… I think King is the first person to actively, openly tell Luz how much he likes her, and how much she means to him???

           I could be wrong. But throughout the show up until then, I don’t think we really ever have such a bold, blunt statement from anyone else; And obviously, actions speak a lot louder in words in their own way. Eda acts all cool and stand-offish, but clearly Luz means the world to her… And obviously Willow and Gus freaking LOVE Luz, even if they don’t say it outright!

           But I think King is the first person to tell Luz how much she means to him… To basically tell her that she means THE WORLD to him, that his relationship with her isn’t just some side-hobby or a lesser enjoyment; It’s legit one of the things that makes his entire world and existence! That he really WOULD give up a lot for her, that Luz actively takes priority in his life instead of being another friendship on the side!

           Keep in mind; Aside from Camila, who’s her own mother anyway… I think Luz never really got this sort of open affection from someone, prior to the Boiling Isles? She didn’t even have any real friends, and this kind of loneliness and rejection for being ‘weird’ definitely impacted her… It’s definitely led to Luz being someone who will do so much and everything for others, but never expecting the same back; Not JUST because she’s selfless and unconditional… But also because she doesn’t expect other people to like her, at least not that much! Subconsciously, without meaning to, I think Luz sees herself as a ‘second choice’ when it comes to friendship… That most people only hang out with her because they have no other option!

           (And THAT parallels how I low-key saw Eda viewing her relationship with Luz, up until the girl stuck around after learning of the curse, but I digress.)

           Luz doesn’t expect other people to hold her THAT high in regard, as having THAT much priority in their lives… Because no one else did. Even her own mother, who DID mean well, ultimately spoke with her actions when sending Luz to that Reality Camp; That she doesn’t unconditionally love Luz for who she is, that she holds the approval of society in higher regard and THAT means more to her… And while Camila never intended to say this and she’s obviously in an unenviable position, from Luz’s perspective this is still a devastating thing to go through.

           I think Luz low-key saw herself as someone who may have even burdened her mother with her presence; And even if Camila never felt that, Luz is still a child who’s reasonably insecure. Maybe Luz felt the need to be more ‘accommodating’ to others, in the hopes that she wouldn’t turn them away; That she can’t openly vouch for what SHE wants, because she can’t be greedy in life, she doesn’t actually mean THAT much to people, and them hanging around her is already showing a lot of grace as-is! Luz probably thought she should just be grateful to have companionship at all to begin with; Especially since it was such a rare commodity back home.

           So there’s this implicit idea and expectation of herself to do what others say, what others expect of you… Because they’re already sacrificing a lot just hanging around someone as annoying and inconvenient as you. Don’t ask for too much, just be a grateful, accommodating child/friend… Do what you can to make up for the kindness of people who go out of their way to hang out with someone like you, because clearly that’s a detriment and not something they actively do for their own enjoyment! And even if they DO do it for their enjoyment, Luz still isn’t that special to them…!

           And that might also tie into Luz’s obliviousness to Amity’s crush, as secretly, deep-down to an extent that not even SHE is aware of it… I think Luz sees herself as someone unlovable, as someone who has to justify people’s enjoyment of her, make herself ‘worth it’ to them! That others’ friendship to her is a pure gift, in the sense that they’re not getting much else from Luz herself, because obviously Luz doesn’t have a lot to offer that others don’t already do. She really undersells her own worth and how much she can mean to others… It leads to Luz wanting the best for others, but without really considering what SHE wants, or HER placement in their life, because it’s all about THEM as her childhood taught her! Some people are probably better off without her, without Luz actively hindering or dragging them down…

           That leads to Really Small Problems. King shrinks her friends, Willow and Gus? CLEARLY it means King is doing this out of spite because he actively dislikes them and/or is being selfish… Because Luz never considers that she really means this much to King, that she means SO much that King prioritizes his friendship with her over all others! Obviously, I’m not saying love should be ‘ranked’ or put into a hierarchy, with some friendships held over others…

           And, it’s low-key this mentality that leads to King even indulging in the accidental effects of Tibbles (sorry, Obvioso’s) potion. But the fact that he even values Luz this much, to do this sort of thing, to cut off any other possible relationship because he holds her in THAT high of a regard… It tells Luz that she’s someone whose presence is actively enjoyable, that being with her IS the gift that she keeps on giving! Luz doesn’t have to justify or make up for who she is, because being with Luz is what people actively desire; Moreso than a lot of other things, in fact!

           Not to mention, it’s a brilliant call-back to Sense and Insensitivity, another King-centric episode! In that episode, Luz tells King at the end that HE means a lot to her, that being with him is one of the best parts of her adventure in the Boiling Isles… But she never expects him to say the same to her, not because she thinks King is a bad person, but because she really doesn’t value what she has to give or offer, as someone who probably has messed up a lot and requires a lot of patience to be around? Luz likely sees herself as a draining friend, that after a short while someone has enough of her and then has to go off and do literally anything else… She doesn’t realize that she’s someone who gives enjoyment, that she isn’t just tolerated but loved! Luz learns from King in Really Small Problems that his specific relationship with her means something to special to him, that it’s not just replacable and interchangeable, and he’d actively sabotage his other potential friendships for it!

           And obviously, THAT last part is a bad thing; But King also acknowledges this as well, as part of his character development of course! Obviously King doing this because he truly loves and values Luz doesn’t excuse it… In the same way that Camila loving Luz, or Lilith loving Eda, doesn’t excuse what they did. But King at least makes the effort to be honest about his love, about where he DID go wrong, and then change it… And obviously it helps that the situation became life-threatening and thus pressured him to do this, a lot more quickly for him (within the span of a night) than for Lilith (who had decades before Belos threatened to execute her).

           But in the end, I should mention that King doesn’t just act like him doing this because he loves Luz that much automatically excuses it; From his perspective, that was never in question, it was about allowing Willow and Gus to be friends with Luz that needed to be acknowledge! But from Luz’s perspective… It better helps her understand WHY King did what he did, while also enhancing how meaningful it is for King to actively apologize and make up for his mistakes. Just knowing she means this much to him helps Luz realize that she IS worth loving, that she’s lovable… And that in turn makes her so much happier and confident as a person!

           That people would WANT to be with Luz… that they’d actively choose her over ‘better’ options, just as Luz and King chose to hang with Eda even after the curse, because even though that arguably made her dangerous and a liability… Eda just meant that much to them! Luz isn’t to King his ‘least painful’ option, she’s the one he loves and cares for most! King making it clear that Luz is one of the best things about his life, is a brilliant call-back and tie-in to Luz doing the same back in Sense and Insensitivity… Because now BOTH of them realize how much they mean to one another, and how much it says that they’re good, lovable people who have a lot to offer and don’t need to actively justify their existence or companionship with others! Just being with these two is already enough…

          Why else would Eda hang around, after all? King may have understood this, although I think Luz potentially had some doubts because she didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment… Eda always being rather closed-off and tsundere when it comes to showing affection possibly contributed, amidst her not being one for blatantly-open gestures of affection. But also, maybe Luz was low-key afraid that Eda was merely tolerating her… Because Eda had the power in the Owl House here. Luz and King chose Eda and that means a lot because they could’ve had ‘other options’, but it’s not like Eda has anyone else to choose from between Luz and King…

          Well besides Lilith, but Luz mostly knows that Eda’s dislike of the Coven System is keeping them from reuniting, like Lilith she doesn’t fully understand that there’s more to the divide than just that. Plus, Lilith actively rejected Eda’s lifestyle, so it’s not like she’s an ‘option’ for Eda… Eda bears with Luz and King, because who else does she have? And while King may or may not have such doubts, perhaps Luz was afraid that Eda’s love for her was also conditional… Hence why she felt like she ‘owed’ Eda and thus had to risk her life to get the Healing Hat, just to pay her back for all of the other gracious things she did! Because Luz didn’t realize that just being with the girl was already ‘payment’ enough for Eda.

           And THAT ties into another meta/analyses post I made, about how Eda made sure to remind Luz when they reunited in YBOS about how much the girl means to her, that Luz doesn’t owe her anything and that Eda’s decisions are her own, not necessarily as a begrudgingly-obligated reaction to Luz’s mistakes or whatever… Actions speak a lot louder than words, usually, as shown with how Eda clearly loved Luz even before she outright said it; But let’s be real here, words also certainly do a lot to help, especially to tie off the previous actions that people do for one another out of love! By the end of Season 1, Luz fully affirms her relationships with King and Eda respectively, and vice-versa; That they really mean THAT much to one another, and would give the world for each other…

          That each would sacrifice a lot, just for the sake of being with the other, or even seeing the other be happy with or without them; Which ties into how King was willing to risk his life to fix his mistakes in Really Small Problems, outright saying he was fine with losing Luz’s friendship (either by dying or through rejection), because at least Luz would be happy! And it’s this kind of selfless, unconditional love that they show for one another… Not just to enjoy the other, but to let the other enjoy themselves as their own individual, regardless of whether or not Luz/King/Eda is with them to benefit from their presence!

           It’s a beautiful kind of love… That not only is just being with YOU the end-goal and reward for me; But you mean so much to me, that I just want you to be happy, regardless of whether or not I’m there to enjoy you or not! I love you to an extent where it’s no longer about what you do to make me happy, it’s about just seeing you be happy… It’s about you, not me! And it means so muchto Luz, Eda, and King to hear this from one another. It does so much to affirm their confidence and self-esteem in themselves as people who are worth loving, as people who aren’t inherently screw-ups, and as people who can continue to make their own decisions and relationships on their own, as their own worthwhile individuals! It tells each of them that they’re perfectly valid in loving themselves…

           TL;DR Really Small Problems is actually a very underrated episode; As-is King and the surprising amount of depth and growth to his character! I would even argue that it’s the culmination of his growth in Season 1! Obviously Enchanting Grom Fright and King’s reconciliation with Gus helps to cap off this development as an addendum, while subsequent episodes have King as either a minor character, or in the case of the Season Finale, affirming the growth he’s had… Regardless, it’s an episode that actually means a lot for King, and like him it deserves a lot more appreciation as being more than just ‘enjoyable’, or cute and funny, but actually meaningful as well!

[tessandscottforever18]

Sept 12

Fresh off the UK release of Amazon Studios’ reimagined 'Cinderella', pop icon Camila Cabello talks to Nick Levine about her starring role in the film and her next chapter.

Camila Cabello is in a very good place right now. The utterly joyous video for “Don’t Go Yet”, the lead single from her forthcoming album Familia, shows her dancing around a dinner table surrounded by family, friends and RuPaul’s Drag Race star Valentina. An eyepopping colour palette definitely complements the song: a bright and buoyant Latin bop banger that hits like musical serotonin. In the comments beneath the YouTube video, the singer has added a sweet message: “Hope you guys love this and that it inspires many wine drunk kitchen dance parties for you and your familia.”

The video may be a visual feast, but it’s no fantasy. Cabello says it reflects a recent healing period during which she focused on “collective joy and community and really growing the seeds of my relationships”. The casual dinner parties she threw with partner Shawn Mendes became a nourishing ritual as she stepped off the pop star treadmill for the first time in nearly a decade. This breather was long overdue given that Cabello’s career has maintained an upward trajectory ever since she entered the US version of The X Factor in 2012. Though she auditioned as a solo artist, she ended up landing a record deal as a member of Fifth Harmony, a girl group formed One Direction-style on the show. Four years later, she went solo and cemented her A-list status with “Havana”, one of the bestselling digital songs of all time. She now has more than a dozen platinum singles to her name, including 2016’s collaboration with Machine Gun Kelly, “Bad Things”, and 2019’s “South of the Border” with Ed Sheeran and Cardi B.

Still, Cabello’s pace of life slowed down last year for one reason only: the pandemic. “It’s been an absolutely traumatic thing that’s happened to the world,” she says today, speaking on the phone shortly before she records Spanish overdubs for her movie debut in a feminist reimagining of Cinderella. “But in terms of my mental health, before that particular moment, I was really approaching… ” The 24-year-old pauses, then corrects herself. “I mean, I don’t think I was even approaching, I think I was burned out. And I feel like that necessary forced pause [caused by the pandemic] just allowed me to look at my life differently. It allowed me to recalibrate what makes me happy and what is important to me. I feel like it saved me in a lot of ways.”

Cabello has spoken candidly in the past about her struggles with anxiety, which in turn led to obsessive-compulsive disorder. Today, she likens managing this anxiety to a “constant ebb and flow”, which is made easier by her new therapist, but says the pandemic let her rethink her attitude towards work. “I’m fortunate enough to choose what I say yes and no to,” she explains. “That’s what’s really important to me this time around. If it’s affecting my mental health in a negative way, I’ll say no and do it another way.”

“I feel like the public and the media could almost have become a third person in our relationship.”

A project she’s clearly fully invested in is Cinderella, a new film version of the familiar fairy tale, directed by Pitch Perfect’s Kay Cannon. Cabello stars as the title character opposite Broadway legend Idina Menzel as her non-wicked stepmother and Pose actor Billy Porter as her fairy godparent. According to Cabello, these reimagined characters are just two of the film’s progressive elements. “Those classic fairy tales were all written by men. That’s why the story [of Cinderella] is that of a woman who’s saved by a prince,” Cabello says. “But in our version, which is written and directed by a woman, she’s saved herself and is trying to build her own life. It’s a much more empowering version of the story.”

In fact, Cabello’s Cinderella story has “no evil people in it at all”, because it places the focus firmly on the heroine’s self-actualisation. “Cinderella’s dream is to live an independent life at a time when women aren’t allowed to have careers,” she explains. “So she’s seeing something that’s wrong in the world and not waiting for someone else to correct it for her – she’s doing it herself. I think that’s a really necessary, positive update.”

Cabello has also been using her formidable social media presence – 54.5 million followers on Instagram, 11.9 million on TikTok – to spread some very necessary positivity. After being papped on a run in mid-July wearing “a top that shows my belly”, Cabello told her TikTok followers she thought “Damn!” before remembering that “being at war with your body is so last season”. Today, she says she experiences much less body insecurity since sharing this post. “I felt like I was not alone in feeling that or alone in my frustration,” she says. “And so next time there are pictures of me where my belly is out, there’s gonna be a community of women who have heard me talk about the way that makes me feel and who support me. And that is honestly so liberating.”

She has even used TikTok to break down a human rights issue that is close to her heart. In July, Cabello shared a well-received video explaining that recent protests in Cuba aren’t “about lack of Covid resources and medicine”, but are really “the latest layer in a 62-year-old story of a communist regime and a dictatorship”. She says speaking out in this way was a matter of moral obligation for her. “You know, I’m Cuban and I still have family on the island,” she says – Cabello was born in Havana, then moved to Miami with her parents when she was six. “And so much of what I do is Cuban culture. I mean, ‘Havana’ is one of my most successful songs so far,” she adds. “So when I’m in the United States, showing the beautiful part of Cuban culture, I feel like I also have to be there for the hard part, for the people there who are struggling.”

“If it’s affecting my mental health in a negative way, I’ll say no and do it another way.”

“Havana”, a sultry and infectious celebration of the Cuban capital, was so huge that it could easily have overshadowed her debut album. But thankfully, 2018’s Camila was a cool and cohesive affair that also spawned the brilliant angsty banger “Never Be the Same”. Then in 2019 Cabello launched her second album, Romance, with “Señorita”, a massively successful duet with Mendes that has now racked up 1.9 billion Spotify streams. When Cabello and Mendes confirmed they were dating shortly after its release, they became gossip-site staples – something they remain today – and were accused of faking the relationship for publicity. The impact of this negative coverage on their mental health was barely even mentioned.

Still, more than two years later, Cabello says she and Mendes have managed to maintain their privacy. “I feel like the public and the media could almost have become a third person in our relationship,” she says. “But that’s not been a thing for us because Shawn and I don’t even look at social media like that. Even though we know it’s there, it’s almost like it doesn’t exist for us. And that’s why we don’t live in LA. We live in Miami or Toronto, where there’s less paparazzi and that kind of attention is less of a thing.”

Looking ahead, Cabello says she’s excited for fans to hear Familia, which she feels has greater “intimacy” than her previous albums because she worked so closely with core collaborators Scott Harris, Ricky Reed and Mike Sabath. Because she trusted them implicitly, Cabello says she was able to “freestyle” during recording sessions and really pour her heart out. “You know, there’s one song [I’ve recorded for the album] where I’m talking about my mental health and anxiety without [specifically] saying it’s about anxiety,” she says. “But it’s about what anxiety looks and feels like for me in my body and in my mind. And that wasn’t something I came into the room intending to write about. Ricky just showed me a piece of music he had and it all came out of me.”

Cabello says this “stream of consciousness” songwriting style “never would have happened” when she was recording Camila and Romance because, for her, there was still too much “tension” in the room. But this time around, she felt comfortable enough to be truly vulnerable. In this respect, Cabello draws a comparison between her own creative evolution and that of Billie Eilish, who recently released her acclaimed second album, Happier Than Ever. “I saw this quote from Billie where she said, ‘I wasn’t scared, it wasn’t forced, there was no pressure, it was just really nice.’ And I feel the same way about this album’s process for me,” she says. The message is clear: in both her personal and professional lives, Camila Cabello is in a very good place.

[shelovescontrol91]

Camila Cabello is in a very good place right now. The utterly joyous video for “Don’t Go Yet”, the lead single from her forthcoming album Familia, shows her dancing around a dinner table surrounded by family, friends and RuPaul’s Drag Race star Valentina. An eyepopping colour palette definitely complements the song: a bright and buoyant Latin bop banger that hits like musical serotonin. In the comments beneath the YouTube video, the singer has added a sweet message: “Hope you guys love this and that it inspires many wine drunk kitchen dance parties for you and your familia.”

The video may be a visual feast, but it’s no fantasy. Cabello says it reflects a recent healing period during which she focused on “collective joy and community and really growing the seeds of my relationships”. The casual dinner parties she threw with partner Shawn Mendes became a nourishing ritual as she stepped off the pop star treadmill for the first time in nearly a decade. This breather was long overdue given that Cabello’s career has maintained an upward trajectory ever since she entered the US version of The X Factor in 2012. Though she auditioned as a solo artist, she ended up landing a record deal as a member of Fifth Harmony, a girl group formed One Direction-style on the show. Four years later, she went solo and cemented her A-list status with “Havana”, one of the bestselling digital songs of all time. She now has more than a dozen platinum singles to her name, including 2016’s collaboration with Machine Gun Kelly, “Bad Things”, and 2019’s “South of the Border” with Ed Sheeran and Cardi B.

Still, Cabello’s pace of life slowed down last year for one reason only: the pandemic. “It’s been an absolutely traumatic thing that’s happened to the world,” she says today, speaking on the phone shortly before she records Spanish overdubs for her movie debut in a feminist reimagining of Cinderella. “But in terms of my mental health, before that particular moment, I was really approaching… ” The 24-year-old pauses, then corrects herself. “I mean, I don’t think I was even approaching, I think I was burned out. And I feel like that necessary forced pause [caused by the pandemic] just allowed me to look at my life differently. It allowed me to recalibrate what makes me happy and what is important to me. I feel like it saved me in a lot of ways.”

Cabello has spoken candidly in the past about her struggles with anxiety, which in turn led to obsessive-compulsive disorder. Today, she likens managing this anxiety to a “constant ebb and flow”, which is made easier by her new therapist, but says the pandemic let her rethink her attitude towards work. “I’m fortunate enough to choose what I say yes and no to,” she explains. “That’s what’s really important to me this time around. If it’s affecting my mental health in a negative way, I’ll say no and do it another way.”

A project she’s clearly fully invested in is Cinderella, a new film version of the familiar fairy tale, directed by Pitch Perfect’s Kay Cannon. Cabello stars as the title character opposite Broadway legend Idina Menzel as her non-wicked stepmother and Pose actor Billy Porter as her fairy godparent. According to Cabello, these reimagined characters are just two of the film’s progressive elements. “Those classic fairy tales were all written by men. That’s why the story [of Cinderella] is that of a woman who’s saved by a prince,” Cabello says. “But in our version, which is written and directed by a woman, she’s saved herself and is trying to build her own life. It’s a much more empowering version of the story.”

In fact, Cabello’s Cinderella story has “no evil people in it at all”, because it places the focus firmly on the heroine’s self-actualisation. “Cinderella’s dream is to live an independent life at a time when women aren’t allowed to have careers,” she explains. “So she’s seeing something that’s wrong in the world and not waiting for someone else to correct it for her – she’s doing it herself. I think that’s a really necessary, positive update.”

Cabello has also been using her formidable social media presence – 54.5 million followers on Instagram, 11.9 million on TikTok – to spread some very necessary positivity. After being papped on a run in mid-July wearing “a top that shows my belly”, Cabello told her TikTok followers she thought “Damn!” before remembering that “being at war with your body is so last season”. Today, she says she experiences much less body insecurity since sharing this post. “I felt like I was not alone in feeling that or alone in my frustration,” she says. “And so next time there are pictures of me where my belly is out, there’s gonna be a community of women who have heard me talk about the way that makes me feel and who support me. And that is honestly so liberating.”

She has even used TikTok to break down a human rights issue that is close to her heart. In July, Cabello shared a well-received video explaining that recent protests in Cuba aren’t “about lack of Covid resources and medicine”, but are really “the latest layer in a 62-year-old story of a communist regime and a dictatorship”. She says speaking out in this way was a matter of moral obligation for her. “You know, I’m Cuban and I still have family on the island,” she says – Cabello was born in Havana, then moved to Miami with her parents when she was six. “And so much of what I do is Cuban culture. I mean, ‘Havana’ is one of my most successful songs so far,” she adds. “So when I’m in the United States, showing the beautiful part of Cuban culture, I feel like I also have to be there for the hard part, for the people there who are struggling.”

“If it’s affecting my mental health in a negative way, I’ll say no and do it another way.”

“Havana”, a sultry and infectious celebration of the Cuban capital, was so huge that it could easily have overshadowed her debut album. But thankfully, 2018’s Camila was a cool and cohesive affair that also spawned the brilliant angsty banger “Never Be the Same”. Then in 2019 Cabello launched her second album, Romance, with “Señorita”, a massively successful duet with Mendes that has now racked up 1.9 billion Spotify streams. When Cabello and Mendes confirmed they were dating shortly after its release, they became gossip-site staples – something they remain today – and were accused of faking the relationship for publicity. The impact of this negative coverage on their mental health was barely even mentioned.

Still, more than two years later, Cabello says she and Mendes have managed to maintain their privacy. “I feel like the public and the media could almost have become a third person in our relationship,” she says. “But that’s not been a thing for us because Shawn and I don’t even look at social media like that. Even though we know it’s there, it’s almost like it doesn’t exist for us. And that’s why we don’t live in LA. We live in Miami or Toronto, where there’s less paparazzi and that kind of attention is less of a thing.”

Looking ahead, Cabello says she’s excited for fans to hear Familia, which she feels has greater “intimacy” than her previous albums because she worked so closely with core collaborators Scott Harris, Ricky Reed and Mike Sabath. Because she trusted them implicitly, Cabello says she was able to “freestyle” during recording sessions and really pour her heart out. “You know, there’s one song [I’ve recorded for the album] where I’m talking about my mental health and anxiety without [specifically] saying it’s about anxiety,” she says. “But it’s about what anxiety looks and feels like for me in my body and in my mind. And that wasn’t something I came into the room intending to write about. Ricky just showed me a piece of music he had and it all came out of me.”

Cabello says this “stream of consciousness” songwriting style “never would have happened” when she was recording Camila and Romance because, for her, there was still too much “tension” in the room. But this time around, she felt comfortable enough to be truly vulnerable. In this respect, Cabello draws a comparison between her own creative evolution and that of Billie Eilish, who recently released her acclaimed second album, Happier Than Ever. “I saw this quote from Billie where she said, ‘I wasn’t scared, it wasn’t forced, there was no pressure, it was just really nice.’ And I feel the same way about this album’s process for me,” she says. The message is clear: in both her personal and professional lives, Camila Cabello is in a very good place.

[mikrowrites]

just an act

Shawn Mendes x Reader

warnings: angst

PSA I love Shawn and Camila they’re wonderful people no shade to them at all!!! This is just a work of fiction!!! Stream Señorita!!!

She knew that the music video was just acting, and Shawn and Camila were just friends... until he kissed her in front of thousands.

Señorita was the anthem of the summer.

Y/N had been incredibly supportive, even sitting on set and watching as her best friends shot their music video. Though yes, it seemed uncomfortable watching them so intimate, Shawn would constantly run over and peck Y/N on the lips as if saying “it’s okay, we’re acting”.

Shawn really was a brilliant actor. Y/N didn’t even see it coming.

And she felt humiliated.

Y/N had decided to surprise Shawn by flying to Toronto and going to his concert with his family. Karen had picked her up from the airport that day, Aaliyah excitedly tackled Y/N into a hug, grabbing her backpack from her.

“It’s so good to see you, Y/N! I’ve missed you so much!” The girl gasped. “And you promised to stay for my hockey match?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Y/N confirmed, wrapping her arm around the girl as they walked towards Karen, the woman pulling Y/N in for a hug.

“Hey, Y/N. Doing well?” Karen smiled.

Y/N nodded, sighing. “Been better, but yeah.”

The night the first paparazzi photos of Shawn and Camila hit, Y/N had called in tears to Karen.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Y/N cried. “It hurts so bad, K.”

“You and I know Shawn better than anyone. He loves you so much, and he’s just promoting his album. Everything will end okay, I promise.” Karen had advised.

Karen squeezed her arm, the three of them getting into the car. They had managed to convince Shawn that him and Manuel needed some father-son time, so Karen and Aaliyah were sneaking Y/N to Pickering while the two men were in Toronto.

Y/N anxiously applied the lipstick to her lips, staring at the mirror anxiously. Her insecurities had recently been getting the best of her, with Shawn’s fake relationship. Camila was so effortlessly more beautiful that Y/N, funnier, sexier.

She shook her head, casting out the thoughts weighing down her brain. Shawn loves Y/N, that was that. Y/N ran her hand through her hair one time, smiling at the mirror as she left the bathroom.

The arena was packed, fans shouting song lyrics as they waited for the lights to dim. Y/N sat with Aaliyah and Karen, anticipating the start of the show. Y/N had of course seen it already when they came to her home town and knew the set list by heart.

Manuel came to join them, Y/N wrapping her arms around him.

“He doesn’t suspect a thing.” Manuel confirmed, the family and Y/N excited for the surprise. They couldn’t wait to see the look on Shawn’s face when he saw Y/N. Hell, even Alessia was in on it. During her opening act she kept sparing smiles at where she knew Y/N was seated.

Soon the beginnings of Lost in Japan filled the venue, Y/N and Aaliyah screaming the lyrics to his opening numbers together. Y/N was soon excited to hear her favorite song from the album, Mutual, when she herself was caught by surprise.

The chords of Señorita began to fill the arena, Y/N slowing stopping cheering. Confusion flooded her brain, until her heart stopped.

Shawn grinned as Camila walked out on stage.

Y/N turned to Karen in confusion, who looked just as shocked. Y/N decided to play along and cheer and clap to the song. It’s just four minutes, Y/N repeated in her head, her own personal mantra to get through it.

The song was nearing it’s end, Y/N sighing in relief. Finally.

Suddenly Shawn and Camila drew closer to each other, Y/N’s smile dropping and her heart racing as they stared into each other’s eyes.

He won’t kiss her, they’re just re-enacting the music video, Y/N firmly decided.

The music cut out, Y/N letting out the breath she’d been holding, looking up in time to see her worst nightmare.

Shawn and Camila leaned in, the two passionately kissing as though there weren’t thousands watching them.

Y/N’s world came crashing down.

The loud and thrilling cheers of the fans were inaudible to her, as she stared at the stage in shock. Her breathing quickened, barely hearing Karen shouting her name. Y/N turned to the family, who were staring at her in shock and pity. “I—I need to go... enjoy the concert...” Y/N managed out before turning and walking out.

She speed walked into the nearest bathroom, where she locked herself in a stall, finally allowing the tears to fall. Y/N wailed in agony, her mind racing with the damn song, paparazzi photos, and the two kissing.

Y/N was a fool.

She stood, looking in the mirror at her reflection. Y/N truly was no match for the perfect and beautiful Camila Cabello. Y/N rubbed her puffy eyes, seeing her phone buzzing. Alessia was calling, and Y/N could see Aaliyah had tried thrice. Y/N powered off her phone, leaving the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Shawn ran backstage, grinning ear to ear as the concert finally ended. He was however met with an angry Alessia.

“You fucking dick.” Alessia spat, curling her hands into fists.

“Les? What’s going on?” Shawn immediately stopped smiling, approaching the girl.

Alessia frantically gestured at the stage. “That. With Camila, are you serious, Shawn?!”

Shawn shrugged. “It just... happened. I can’t even describe-“

“Y/N.”

Shawn stopped, looking at Alessia. The girl was trembling, her eyes darkening when saying Shawn’s girlfriend’s name.

“What?” Shawn asked. “It’s fine. She’ll understand, it’s just-“

“Y/N was here.” Alessia growled.

Shawn froze, his heart stopping. Alessia continued.

“She came to surprise you. She loves you. And you just kissed another girl on stage.”

He stumbled backwards, running his hands through his hair. “I-shit...”

“Is it her or Camila, Shawn?” Alessia darkly muttered, standing inches from the tall boy. “Because you can’t just switch between.”

Shawn stumbled for words, trying to piece together a coherent sentence. He remained quiet, staring down at his feet.

Alessia scoffed, stepping back. “I can’t believe you. I’m glad this tour is almost over, I can’t stand you. Enjoy fucking Camila.” With that the curly haired girl left, attempting to call Y/N again.

Y/N had wordlessly gotten a hotel room, Karen had dropped her stuff off without even asking. The woman sat next to Y/N on the bed, the girl looking up at her for any indicator that Shawn had felt remorse, loved her, wanted to see her.

Karen was quiet for a minute before finally speaking. “He brought Camila to the house. I’m sorry.”

Y/N’s face crumpled, tears cascading down her cheeks as another sob erupted from her throat. Karen gathered the girl up in her arms, soothing her as Y/N screamed into her shoulder.

Y/N should’ve seen it coming.

She should’ve known he wasn’t just acting.

A couple days later, Y/N pulled up to the ice arena, breathing in shakily. She had promised Aaliyah she’d come to her hockey game, and at least Y/N could say goodbye to the family that had cared for her for so many years.

Y/N began to walk out of the parking lot, stopped in her tracks at the sight of Shawn’s familiar Jeep in a parking spot. The car they’d scream song lyrics in, eating pizza and kissing. Y/N shook her head, marching onwards. They were done.

She entered the arena, sitting and watching the game. Y/N cheered when Aaliyah made a goal, and booed when bad calls were made.

Afterwards Y/N approached Karen, Manuel, and Aaliyah, who was still in uniform. “Y/N!” She cried, running to her and wrapping her arms around her. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“A promise is a promise, Liyah.” Y/N assured, pulling away. “Besides the next non-full plane ride back to (your home town/nearest city) is tomorrow, so I had to come.”

“Y/N.”

Y/N stiffened, turning to see the boy who broke her heart. He stood, his body frozen in shock, with a hand intertwined with one of Camila’s.

“Hey guys.” Y/N strained a smile. “Promised Aaliyah I’d come.”

Camila smiled nervously, Shawn still seeming to try to find words. Y/N shook her head. “You don’t have to say anything. I already know.” She turned to Camila. “I hope you two are happy together. I honestly do.”

Y/N turned and gave Aaliyah one last hug, and smiled gratefully at Karen and Manuel before she turned and walked past Shawn and Camila, leaving the ice rink.

She finally exhaled the breath she’d been holding once she made it outside, blinking tears away. Y/N shook her head again, striding to her car, driving away from her heartbreak.

Now it was Y/N’s time to act.

[imagineredwood]

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5    Part 6    Part 7    Part 8   Part 9       Part 10    Part 11  Part 12   Part 13   Part 14  Part 15  Part 16   Part 17  Part 18   Part 19  Part 20  Part 21   Part 22  Part 23  Part 24   Part 25

Pairing: EZ Reyes x Camila (OC)

Warnings: Insecurity, worries of infidelity, emotional hurt, EZ having to see the result of his actions.  

Word count: 3.1k

**Yall really sold me on this ex plot curve. Time to start being messy planning the next chapters**

The house was spotless when EZ walked back inside. It was going on midnight and he was thankful that he hasn’t stupidly given her a time to expect him back by. He closed the door behind him softly and gave a sigh as he toed off his shoes, leaving them on the mat by the door. He pulled off his kutte next, laying it on the counter and walking through the house to find his girl. Peering into the living room, the tv was on but the couch was empty and EZ’s brows knitted. He walked through the living room and saw the light on out on the patio. With an even deeper sigh, EZ started making his way out to the garden. Finding her out there relaxing on any other way was a good sign. Finding her there so late at night after finding out he was talking to Emily was not and the prospect swallowed before he placed his hand on the sliding door and pushed it open, stepping outside. There was a soft breeze, the light from the hanging lamps providing a glow. He looked at the chairs and found them empty as well. The only other place she could’ve been was the hammock and when he looked over at it, sure enough there she was. Resting, eyes closed while her body was curled up in the yellow woven fabric. She had an open book laying on her tummy and EZ reached for it, grabbing her bookmark and sticking it into the binding before closing it. His hands were gentle as he touched her, on raking the hair out of her face, the other gently stroking her cheek as he spoke to her.

“Cam, baby, wake up. Wake up, mami.”

Her eyes fluttered open and he wasn’t sure if it was his touch or his voice. She smiled softly, something she always did when she first opened her eyes and saw him, but it wasn’t nearly as bright as it usually was and EZ knew he was in for it. He held his hands out to her and she took them, allowing him to help her out of the hammock safely. Once on her own two feet though, she removed her hands from his and pointed into the house.

“Can we,”

EZ nodded and so did she, making her way back into the home with EZ trailing behind her. Shutting the door and the light outside, he followed her into the living room and took a seat on the couch next to her. She didn’t cuddle up into his side as she usually did, in fact, she wasn’t even touching him. She sat in her own seat and turned her entire body to face him, legs crisscrossed as she sat sideways on the couch. She hadn’t even said anything yet, but her body language already had him sweating.

“Have a lot that I wanna say so just…let me say it before you but in please.”

EZ nodded. Basically, the Camila way of saying shut the fuck up and listen. He turned his body toward her some just so she knew that he really was listening to what she had to say and cared. Getting scolded wasn’t something he was used to, and he knew that the next hour was likely going to make up for it.

“You’ve been talking to Emily.”

It wasn’t a question, more a statement. EZ nodded once and Camila continued.

“I told you that I didn’t mind when Kevin brought her up. I didn’t mind that she was your ex. I know that she was the mother of your first child. I know how important you were to each other, I get that. But you said that she didn’t matter anymore and that clearly isn’t true.”

EZ opened his mouth to deny but Camila held up her hand, her voice missing the warmth it usually held.

“Let me speak, Ezekiel.”

EZ frowned but nodded and closed his mouth, his hands itching to reach out and touch her to at least offer her any comfort that he could. Convinced that he understood, she continued.

“You said that I didn’t have to worry about her, that she was just someone from your past and you had nothing to hide. Yet you denied knowing her when we first saw her. Then you left me alone at Marcus’ party to catch up and I let it go. Now you’re sneaking around, having secret calls with her and I’m getting tired of it. I know that there’s shit you can’t tell me because of the club or whatever, but things are getting more and more cloudy and I don’t like it. Club business is one thing. That doesn’t concern me, but you constantly keeping contact with your ex does. That doesn’t have anything to do with the club and yet you’re still keeping it a secret.”

EZ swallowed at that. It was true, she knew there were things that he couldn’t tell her because of the club and while an ex in generally didn’t fall into this category, this one did. Emily’s baby had been taken and he had been terrified for her. Even if it wasn’t his kid, it was the kid of the woman that he used to love. He knew it was foolish at best and unhealthy at worst, but he couldn’t help but feel responsible for the child in some regard. Like he needed to keep that child safe since he couldn’t protect the one that Emily had aborted. It was stupid, Angel had made sure that he knew that much, but he couldn’t help it. The fact that Emily was now with Miguel and tied to the business side complicated things even more.

Emily was more than just an ex. She was his ex who was married to the cartel leader that was putting money in his and the club’s pocket. And the mother of the child his brother’s side project had kidnapped. EZ had been prepared to stay out of it, but when Emily had called him in hysterics, begging for his help in finding her baby, he couldn’t find it in himself to just say no. He was caught between a rock and a hard place. He had told Angel, who had made it very clear that if EZ told the truth about where the baby was, they could all kiss their asses goodbye at the hand of the club. Telling Emily the truth wasn’t an option and so instead EZ had given half-truths. That he didn’t understand what was happening, but he would try to figure it out. That he didn’t have any answers right now, but he would still help her out. EZ was angry because now his personal life had bled into his club life and Camila was getting the short end of the stick. She didn’t even know that he was participating in illegal acts as is, there was no way he could come clean about working alongside a cartel. It would be too much laid on her at once and as much as he knew she loved him, he was sure that she would bounce. Who wouldn’t?

Camila could feel the pain coming from him as he sat in front of her and she sighed, forcing herself not to reach over and comfort him. She knew she needed to be strong, to force him to see that she wasn’t going to stand for whatever type of bullshit he was trying to feed her.

“I’m trying to be patient with you EZ, I am, but you’re not making it easy. I’m trying to understand and give you the benefit of the doubt but with all of this, I trusted you and now I’m starting to feel…stupid.”

EZ’s breath caught in his throat. He knew how she felt. He knew that was all she had asked of him.

‘I’ll hold you down. Just don’t make me look stupid.’

That was all she had asked and now he wasn’t delivering. He watched as her shoulders deflated and he finally lost the battle of his will, reaching forward to take her hands in his. He leaned toward her then and spoke quickly.

“Don’t feel stupid. I know that that’s how you feel but don’t. Everything is just so fucking complicated. I want to tell you everything, even the club shit but I just can’t. I want to be totally honest and have you know everything, but I just can’t do that right now. I know you’re pissed and hurt, and you have every right. You do. I’m just asking that you give me some more time. I’ll cut all the Emily shit. I’ll stop that. And once things settle, I can sit down with you and tell you the truth about everything, even if maybe I shouldn’t, but right now isn’t an option. I know you don’t believe me but I’m telling you that I don’t have anything going with Emily. She’s my ex and that’s how it's going to stay. She’s married and I’m with you and neither of us are trying to change that. I’m not interested in her, she just…”

EZ looked down and blew out a long breath, squeezing Camila’s hands. When he looked back up, he looked defeated and Camila winced but let him continue.

“She needed my help. Every time I go out you tell me to be careful, same with Angel. I know that I haven’t given you full details, but you have a feeling about what goes on anyway and…you’re not wrong. She just needed my help. I’m helping her and then once that’s done, so is interacting with her. I promise.”

By the time EZ had finished, Camila’s brows were now the ones drawn together. She felt like she somewhat understood what he was getting at. There was something dangerous going on and Emily needed help presumably getting out of it. Camila understood that. What she didn’t understand was why it had to be EZ that helped. No doubt it was because she trusted him more than the others, but why did EZ feel the need to take that on? He was a prospect. He had no power or weight, he just did what he was told right? So why was he now being the only one capable of taking on the task? It didn’t make sense and Camila wasn’t going to continue to lie as if it did.

“She needs help with what, Ezekiel? She has a whole husband, what could she possibly need from you that he can’t help her with? Why is it that you can never say no when you need to?”

There was frustration on her face and in her voice and she pulled her hands out of his, EZ quickly making a grab to take hold of them again.

“I’m sorry, Cam.”

He didn’t offer her anything else and she shook her head. There was sadness in her eyes when she looked back at him.

“I don’t know what it is that you do that makes you keep all of these secrets, but I’m not here for it. I don’t like it and I don’t want a relationship consumed by lies and hidden secrets. I just want what we have to be real and right now it feels,”

She stopped herself short, not wanting to say anything that she couldn’t take back. Instead, she took in a deep breath and finished her thought of concisely.

“I’m gonna give you a couple of days to square away whatever ‘this’ is. Figure it out and figure out how to get things back to normal. Back when you would come home to me and didn’t hide your phone. Back when things felt open and I wasn’t wondering when trusting you is going to blow up in my face. I just want that back.”

Her longing was tangible and EZ reached forward, practically snatching her into his arms. He held her tightly, one arm wrapped around her while the other was up, a hand softly cradling the back of her head. He leaned his head down until his cheek was resting against the top of her head. She wasn’t crying, but he knew she felt like it and that alone broke his heart. Silently he vowed to himself. Tomorrow he was going straight to Angel and letting him know that he needed to get Adelita to cut the kidnapping shit out and give Emily back her son. Her selfishly stealing a child was now causing problems for everyone and EZ wasn’t going to stand for it. Not anymore. Too little too late, he realized as he held the woman that he loved. This was affecting her now and that was something he wasn’t going to allow. He had lied and kept the phone calls a secret for her benefit but now he realized that he had only made things worse. Camila was hurting now because of everyone else’s actions. The innocent one in all of it was hurt because once again, he placed Emily before himself. It had backfired when he had broken up to protect her then and it was backfiring now. The only difference was that Camila was getting caught in the crossfire.

Pulling Camila into his chest more, he continued to stroke her hair and rock her, wishing that he could take away whatever negative emotions she was feeling right now. The fact that he had put them there was only making it worse and he felt a wave of anger starting to boil. At Angel for dragging him into the link with Los Olvidados, at Adelita for kidnapping an innocent child, at Emily for seeking him out for help after what she had done to him. Mainly at himself for letting all the bullshit touch her. It was never supposed to have gone down like this, but it did, and he was going to put an end to it.

Pulling away, Camila sat up on her own and EZ gave a small sigh of relief when he saw there were no tears. He didn’t trust himself to keep the truth to himself long enough if she began to cry. He hadn’t even seen her cry yet and he already knew that it was going to be a weakness of his. His relief was short-lived though as Camila got up from the couch and stood there in front of him awkwardly. He looked up at her through puppy eyes, dreading hearing what she was going to say next. He was already expecting it but that didn’t make it hurt any less when the words tumbled quietly from her lips.

“Maybe you could spend the night at the trailer.”

It was simple. There were plenty of undertones and hidden translations within that sentence, but the meaning was clear.

She didn’t want him there right now.

All these nights that he had spent with her, so many that it almost felt as if he lived there with her. Sometimes he forgot that he didn’t. Having an empty spot beside him in bed had become a rarity and EZ could only hope that despite his stupidity, it stayed a rarity. With a nod, he stood from the couch as well and hesitated in front of her. She kept her eyes trained on his chest and his bet was that she didn’t trust herself to look at him. Any other time he would’ve tried but not this time. This time he was going to give her all that space that she needed. He had messed things up enough, he wasn’t going to defy her on this too.

Taking a small step forward, he kept his hands to himself but leaned down and pressed the gentlest kiss her could muster against her forehead, right between her eyebrows. He felt them twitch beneath his lips in a small frown, but he held them there anyway, lingering for a second more before he pulled away. When he did, she finally looked up at him and he pulled his eyes from her, not wanting to see her have to force another smile.

“I’m sorry.”

With that, he removed himself from her entirely and made his way toward her front door. He turned to look back as he heard the sliding door open once more and watched as she went back outside, slipping off her chanclas and climbing back into the hammock. EZ’s shoulders felt heavy as he turned back and slipped his shoes on again, doing the same with his kutte. He was out of her house quickly then, using his own keys to lock up for her. If felt weird, locking himself out rather than in and he turned, his jaw set firmly. He was frustrated and angry, and he was sure that sleep wouldn’t come easy to him tonight. Not with Camila absent from his side. He was on the bike quickly then, riding back to the trailer almost in a daze. It was a surprise to himself when he pulled into the lot. He went through the motions of getting into the trailer, removing everything unnecessary until he was down to just his jeans. His mouth was dry and he walked over to the fridge, pulling the door open and leaning down to look inside, groaning immediately as the first thing he laid eyes on was the glass bottle of homemade juice Cam had given him a couple days ago. He closed his eyes momentarily and then opened the backup grabbing the bottle and walking over to the couch to sit.

He plopped himself down and opened the bottle, taking a sip as the fresh sweetness of apples and blueberries hit him. All he could see was her face then and he reached over to grab his kutte. He pulled his phone out from the pocket and stared down at it as he held it in his hand. It was going on 1 am and he wasn’t even sure if she was awake or not. Unlocking the phone, he opened their text thread and typed into the bar, hesitating for a couple of seconds before he hit send.

‘Te amo.’

He tossed the phone over onto the table, convinced that she was probably asleep by now and wouldn’t respond. Even if she was awake, she still probably wouldn’t respond. EZ continued drinking the juice, more for the comfort it brought rather than his thirst now. He was surprised when his phone beeped. Picking it up he looked at the screen and felt his worry settle just a little.

‘Te amo igual.’

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[queenmendes]

things are changing | pt. 3

Note: super sorry this took so long but school and work got very hectic. I’m not sure how I feel about this part so please let me know what y’all think! This little series is almost finished! xxx Also, big thank you to @local-neighborhood-biderman for helping me a lot!

Part 2

~xxx~

Shawn made his way down the hallway of the arena, ignoring everyone that tried to stop and talk. His emotions have been all over the place since Miami. Since he saw Connor and you kissing at the beach. The image hasn’t left his mind, no matter what he does. Everyone felt the change in him. He snapped more at the team. He doesn’t even try and talk to Connor anymore. The only person he doesn’t seem to snap at is Brian and you; but the only reason he doesn’t snap at you is because you’ve been avoiding him. Shawn just didn’t know that you’ve been avoiding almost everyone since then. 

The kiss you had with Connor was amazing and not going to lie, it happened again multiple times that same night when he hung out in your hotel room. Part of you felt guilty, however. The expression you saw on Shawn’s face at the beach that day broke your heart. You’ve also seen how he has been acting to everyone and didn’t know what to do. You never expected to be in a love triangle. Which is exactly why you have been avoiding both of them, pretty much everyone, since Miami.  

Currently, you were in the back of the arena, watching as the main stage gets set up. You didn’t feel like being around people and thought this was the best place, where no one would look for you. You were wrong. 

You heard the heavy footsteps before you saw him; knowing exactly who it was. It was the only person who knew where you go when you wanted to be away from all the people in the many arenas you've been to. 

“Figured I’d find you here.” Shawn’s voice reached your ears as he sat down next to you. The cologne you got him last Christmas lingered in the air. Shawn’s eyes trailed the side of your face as you continued to look ahead. She’s so beautiful. “You going to talk to me?” Shawn asked, his hand brushing on your shoulder as he rested it on the back of the chairs. 

“Don’t take it personal. I haven’t talked to a lot of people lately.” 

“I’m not just anyone. I’m your best friend. I’m your person.” You could hear the hurt in Shawn’s voice. His expression matched as you scoffed at his words. 

“Then where have you been these last couple of months?” Shawn went to answer but didn’t get the chance. “Oh, that’s right. You ditched me for her.” Now, you were pacing in front of him.

“You have not spent more than an hour alone with me since you started dating Camila. Do you think it’s a coincidence that anytime you are with me that she calls? Or that when she’s here, she never leaves your side? You don’t even see what she does to you. You act like she’s a perfect angel when she isn't! She treats your entire team like slaves when she’s here. You are ruining the relationship you’ve spent years building with your fans, because of her. I mean for god sakes Shawn, you probably wouldn’t believe the shit she said to me.” 

You were out of breath at the end of your rant, looking anywhere but him. Shawn just sat there, shocked at the feelings and words you just expressed. He had no idea you felt any of this. You were right. He has barely spent any time with you since he got back. Hell, not just you but everyone on the team. 

“Wait, she said something to you?” Shawn asked, realizing what you said at the end. You didn’t answer. “Y/N, what did she say to you?” He was now standing in front of you, looking down at you. 

“She… she told me basically to stay away from you. That you belonged to her now and that you wouldn’t want a low-life, piece of trash that follows you around like an unwanted puppy.” Shawn’s heart broke at the tears that start to fill your eyes. You couldn’t have believed anything she said, could you?

“You know that’s not true right?” Shawn asked, rubbing his hands up and down your arms soothingly. You didn’t say anything, just looked down at your feet. “Y/N, you are my best friend. You have been with me through everything. My vine phase, me signing to the label, my first show. Remember when I bought my Jeep. Me and you drove around for hours with the windows down, blasting music and eating junk food. We didn’t have a care in the world, it was just us. ” His voice cracked at the memory. 

“You help me through my first anxiety attack; which doesn’t bother me as bad anymore because of you. You’re the girl....” He suddenly stops talking and you look up at him. 

“I’m the girl..?” You repeated confused. 

“You are the girl I am in love with.” Shawn whispered as his hands move to your cheeks, brushing his thumbs against them. Your eyes where the size of golf balls at his confession but you didn’t stop him as he leaned down to place his lips on yours. The kiss was breathtaking; it was full of passion, but sweet. His lips were soft and moved perfect against yours. Shawn pulled away after a moment, resting his forehead against yours; his curls tickling your skin. 

“It’s not real. It’s all for PR.” Shawn confessed, his voice so soft, you almost missed his words. “I didn’t realize how bad this would get out of control and you were right. She has made me act like someone I’m not and I am so sorry for everything she has said to you. None of that was true. And I am so sorry for acting like I did.” Shawn apologized. You didn’t say anything right away, just subconsciously played with his hair as his words spin in your brain. 

“I need time to think, Shawn. This was a lot to take in and I don’t want to hurt Connor either. He was really there for me.” You spoke as you back away from him, arms falling to your side. Shawn nodded, completely understanding. However, neither of you notice the blue-eyed blonde watching almost everything that happened between the two of you. 

The show went on as normal. Shawn, of course, was a rockstar and killed it. Connor did his job and filmed everything. You, however, didn’t attend the show; deciding to stay in Shawn’s dressing room and think about everything. 

Connor was the sweetest person. When you were sad about Shawn ditching you. When Camila made you feel so insecure about yourself and how Shawn viewed you; Connor was there for you. He picked you back up and made you smile. Connor made you feel good about yourself. Whether it was from a late night movie marathon or just letting you help him edit and film. In the short time you knew him, Connor became one of the most important people in your life. He was your friend first and along the way, feelings developed. Not just with him, but with you as well. 

Then there is Shawn. The rockstar had been your best friend all your life and knew everything about you. All of your best memories involve him. He was the person who would bring you soup when you were sick. He was the person who stayed up with you for hours and let you cry on his new shirt during your first heartbreak. Shawn knew how to make you laugh until it hurt. Despite everything that has happened these past couple of months, Shawn never lost sight of you. As cliche as it is, he was your first true love; and Shawn loves you. 

As you sat with your mind going a hundred miles an hour, everyone was making their way backstage. While most were on the aftershow high, two were not. Connor just finished packing all his equipment and was walking down the halls, looking for you. Shawn was finishing up a conversation with a few guests and was walking back to his dressing room, where he knew you’d be since he didn’t see you in the crowd with Brian. 

Connor saw the Canadian-singer walking in the direction he was coming from. The anger he has been subsiding all night was finally making its way to the surface. Without thinking, Connor rushes up to Shawn, pushing him back forcibly. Shawn looked at the videographer in shock but felt his own anger rise. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Shawn shouted. The two were now chest to chest and had everyone’s attention on them. 

“Why the fuck don’t you stop playing with Y/N?” Connor shouted right back. “The last couple of months, you have been a complete asshole to her, because of your little fling. Now, all of a sudden you want her?” 

“You don’t know anything. I fucking lover her. ” Shawn retaliated. 

“You don't get that after what you did,” Connor growled, eyes narrowed. Shawn pushed Conner off of him. Everyone around them silently watching the heated exchange; not knowing what to do. 

“How do I know you care about her?” Shawn challenged. Connor had heard enough. Before anyone could react, his fist hits Shawn square on his jaw. Shawn did not hesitant, and quickly threw his own hit into Connor’s stomach. Immediately, the crew around them sprung into action, separating the two; not without struggle though. Shawn was a giant, to say the least, and was doing everything he could to get out of everyone’s hold. Neither of the anger-filled boys realized that all the commotion caught someone’s attention from down the hall. 

“What the hell is happening?” You shouted, running down the hall to see what all the noise was about. Andrew, Cez, Brian and Josiah were holding Shawn back while Matt and Zubin did the same with Connor. Both boys were red in the face and you could see the mark on Shawn’s lower jaw forming. “What is wrong with you two?!” Everyone stayed still. 

Connor refused to look you in the eyes, guilty that he played a part in this. He knew it hurt you to see this happen. Shawn stared at you, speechless. All you asked of him was time to think and he ruined that. Given, he didn’t throw the first punch but he did not hesitant to throw one himself. Both of them could see the pain in your eyes. They just didn’t realize it because you blame yourself for starting all of this drama. So, instead of saying anything else, you turned around and left. Alessia and Liv quickly following after you. 

What Connor and Shawn didn’t know was that you did not go to the hotel like they thought you did after you left. You went to the airport; to wait for the first plane back to Toronto.

~xxx~

BOLD WOULD NOT LET ME TAG

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[96harmony96]

Chapter 2

Just before I exited the elevator into the vestibule of Waters Field & Leaman, the advertising firm I worked for on the twentieth floor, Lauren whispered in my ear, “Think about me all day.”

I squeezed her hand surreptitiously in the crowded car. “Always do.”

She continued the ride up to the top floor, which housed the headquarters of Jauregui Industries. The Crossfire was her, one of many properties she owned throughout the city, including the apartment complex I lived in.

I tried not to pay attention to that. My mom was a career trophy wife. She’d given up my father’s love for an affluent lifestyle, which I couldn’t relate to at all. I’d prefer love over wealth any day, but I suppose that was easy for me to say because I had money—a sizable investment portfolio—of my own. Not that I ever touched it. I wouldn’t. I’d paid too high a price and couldn’t imagine anything worth the cost.

Megumi, the receptionist, buzzed me through the glass security door and greeted me with a big smile. She was a pretty woman, young like me, with a stylish bob of glossy black hair framing stunning Asian features.

“Hey,” I said, stopping by her desk. “Got any plans for lunch?”

“I do now.”

“Awesome.” My grin was wide and genuine. As much as I loved Cary and enjoyed spending time with him, I needed girlfriends, too. Cary had already started building a network of acquaintances and friends in our adopted city, but I’d been sucked into the Lauren vortex almost from the outset. As much as I’d prefer to spend every moment with her, I knew it wasn’t healthy. Female friends would give it to me straight when I needed it, and I was going to have to cultivate those friendships if I wanted them.

Setting off, I headed down the long hallway to my cubicle. When I reached my desk, I put my bag and purse in the bottom drawer, keeping my smartphone out so I could silence it. I found a text from Cary: I’m sorry, baby girl.

“Cary Taylor,” I sighed. “I love you . . . even when you’re pissing me off.”

And he’d pissed me off royally. No woman wanted to come home to a sexual clusterfuck in progress on her living room floor. Especially not while in the middle of a fight with her new girlfriend.

I texted back, Block off the wknd 4 me if u can.

There was a long pause and I imagined him absorbing my request. Damn, he texted back finally. Must be some ass kicking u have planned.

“Maybe a little,” I muttered, shuddering as I remembered the . . . orgy I’d walked in on. But mostly I thought Cary and I needed to spend some quality downtime together. We hadn’t been living in Manhattan long. It was a new town for us, new apartment, new jobs and experiences, new partners for both of us. We were out of our element and struggling, and since we both had barge loads of baggage from our pasts, we didn’t handle struggling well. Usually we leaned on each other for balance, but we hadn’t had much time for that lately. We really needed to make the time. Up for a trip to Vegas? Just u and me?

Fuck yeah!

K . . . more later. As I silenced my phone and put it away, my gaze passed briefly over the two collage photo frames next to my monitor—one filled with photos of both of my parents and one of Cary, and the other filled with photos of me and Lauren. Lauren had put the latter collection together herself, wanting me to have a reminder of her just like the reminder she had of me on her desk. As if I needed it . . .

I loved having those images of the people I loved close by: my mom with her golden cap of curls and her bombshell smile, her curvy body scarcely covered by a tiny bikini as she enjoyed the French Riviera on my stepdad’s yacht; my stepfather, Richard Stanton, looking regal and distinguished, his silver hair oddly complementing the looks of his much younger wife; and Cary, who was captured in all his photogenic glory, with his lustrous brown hair and sparkling green eyes, his smile wide and mischievous. That million-dollar face was starting to pop up in magazines everywhere and soon would grace billboards and bus stops advertising Grey Isles clothing.

I looked across the strip of hallway and through the glass wall that encased Mark Garrity’s very small office and saw his jacket hung over the back of his Aeron chair, even though the man himself wasn’t in sight. I wasn’t surprised to find him in the break room scowling into his coffee mug; he and I shared a java dependency.

“I thought you had the hang of it,” I said, referring to his trouble with the one-cup coffee maker.

“I do, thanks to you.” Mark lifted his head and offering a charmingly crooked smile. He had gleaming dark skin, a trim goatee, and soft brown eyes. In addition to being easy on the eyes, he was a great boss—very open to educating me about the ad business and quick to trust that he didn’t have to show me how to do something twice. We worked well together, and I hoped that would be the case for a long time to come.

“Try this,” he said, reaching for a second steaming cup waiting on the counter. He handed it to me and I accepted it gratefully, appreciating that he’d been thoughtful about adding cream and sweetener, which was how I liked it.

I took a cautious sip, since it was hot, then coughed over the unexpected—and unwelcome—flavor. “What is this?”

“Blueberry-flavored coffee.”

Abruptly, I was the one scowling. “Who the hell wants to drink that?”

“Ah, see . . . it’s our job to figure out who, then sell this to them.” He lifted his mug in a toast. “Here’s to our latest account!”

Wincing, I straightened my spine and took another sip.

* * *

I was pretty sure the sickly sweet taste of artificial blueberries was still coating my tongue two hours later. Since it was time for my break, I started an Internet search for Dr. Terrence Lucas, a man who’d clearly rubbed Lauren the wrong way when I’d seen the two men together at dinner the night before. I hadn’t gotten any further than typing the doctor’s name in the search box when my desk phone rang.

“Mark Garrity’s office,” I answered. “Camila Cabello speaking.”

“Are you serious about Vegas?” Cary asked without preamble.

“Totally.”

There was a pause. “Is this when you tell me you’re moving in with your billionaire girlfriend and I’ve got to go?”

“What? No. Are you nuts?” I squeezed my eyes shut, understanding how insecure Cary was but thinking we were too far along in our friendship for those kinds of doubts. “You’re stuck with me for life, you know that.”

“And you just up and decided we should go to Vegas?”

“Pretty much. Figured we could sip mojitos by the pool and live off room service for a couple days.”

“I’m not sure how much I can pitch in for that.”

“Don’t worry, it’s on Lauren. her plane, her hotel. We’ll just cover our food and drinks.” A lie, since I planned on covering everything except the airfare, but Cary didn’t need to know that.

“And she’s not coming with us?”

I leaned back in my chair and stared at one of the photos of Lauren. I missed her already and it’d been only a couple of hours since we’d been together. “she’s got business in Arizona, so she’ll share the flights back and forth, but it’ll be just you and me in Vegas. I think we need it.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled harshly. “I could do with a change of scenery and some quality time with my best girl.”

“Okay, then. She wants to fly out by eight tomorrow night.”

“I’ll start packing. Want me to put a bag together for you, too?”

“Would you? That’d be great!” Cary could’ve been a stylist or personal shopper. He had serious talent when it came to clothes.

“camila?”

“Yeah?”

He sighed. “Thank you for putting up with my shit.”

“Shut up.”

After we hung up, I stared at the phone for a long minute, hating that Cary was so unhappy when everything in his life was going so well. He was an expert at self-sabotage, never truly believing he was worthy of happiness.

As I returned my attention to work, the Google search on my monitor reminded me of my interest in Dr. Terry Lucas. A few articles about her had been posted on the Web, complete with pictures that cemented the verification.

Pediatrician. Forty-five years of age. Married for twenty years. Nervously, I searched for “Dr. Terrence Lucas and wife,” inwardly cringing at the thought of seeing a golden-skinned, long-haired blonde. I exhaled my relief when I saw that Mrs. Lucas was a pale-skinned woman with short, bright red hair.

But that left me with more questions. I’d figured it would be a woman who’d caused the trouble between the two men.

The fact was, Lauren and I really didn’t know that much about each other. We knew the ugly stuff—at least she knew mine; I’d mostly guessed her from some pretty obvious clues. We knew some of the basic cohabitation stuff about each other after spending so many nights sleeping over at our respective apartments. she’d met half of my family and I’d met all of her. But we hadn’t been together long enough to touch on a whole lot of the periphery stuff. And frankly, I think we weren’t as forthcoming or inquisitive as we could’ve been, as if we were afraid to pile any more crap onto an already struggling relationship.

We were together because we were addicted to each other. I was never as intoxicated as I was when we were happy together, and I knew it was the same for her. We were putting ourselves through the wringer for those moments of perfection between us, but they were so tenuous that only our stubbornness, determination, and love kept us fighting for them.

Enough with making yourself crazy.

I checked my e-mail, and found my daily Google alert on “Lauren Jauregui.” The day’s digest of links led mostly to photos of Lauren, in black tie sans tie, and me at the charity dinner at the Waldorf Astoria the night before.

“God.” I couldn’t help but be reminded of my mother when looking at the pictures of me in a champagne Vera Wang cocktail dress. Not just because of how closely my looks mirrored my mom’s—aside from my hair being brown, long and straight—but also because of the mega-mogul whose arm I graced.

sinu Cabello Barker Mitchell Stanton was very, very good at being a trophy wife. She knew precisely what was expected of her and delivered without fail. Although she’d been divorced twice, both times had been by her choice and both divorces had left her exes despondent over losing her. I didn’t think less of my mother, because she gave as good as she got and didn’t take anyone for granted, but I’d grown up striving for independence. My right to say no was my most valued possession.

Minimizing my e-mail window, I pushed my personal life aside and went back to searching for market comparisons on fruity coffee. I coordinated some initial meetings between the strategists and Mark and helped Mark with brainstorming a campaign for a gluten-free restaurant. Noon approached and I was starting to feel seriously hungry when my phone rang. I answered with my usual greeting.

“camila?” an accented female voice greeted me. “It’s Magdalene. Do you have a minute?”

I leaned back in my chair, alert. Magdalene and I had once shared a moment of sympathy over Corinne’s unexpected and unwanted reappearance in Lauren’s life, but I’d never forget how vicious Magdalene had been to me the first time we’d met. “Just. What’s up?”

She sighed, then spoke quickly, her words flowing in a rush. “I was sitting at the table behind Corinne last night. I could hear a bit of what was being said between her and Lauren during dinner.”

My stomach tensed, preparing for an emotional blow. Magdalene knew just how to exploit my insecurities about Lauren. “Stirring up crap while I’m at work is a new low,” I said coldly. “I don’t—”

“she wasn’t ignoring you.”

My mouth hung open a second, and she quickly filled the silence.

“she was managing her, camila. She was making suggestions for where to take you around New York since you’re new in town, but she was doing it by playing the old remember-when-you-and-I-went-there game.”

“A walk down memory lane,” I muttered, grateful now that I hadn’t been able to hear much of Lauren’s low-voiced conversation with her ex.

“Yes.” Magdalene took a deep breath. “You left because you thought she was ignoring you for her. I just want you to know that she seemed to be thinking about you, trying to keep Corinne from upsetting you.”

“Why do you care?”

“Who says I do? I owe you one, Camila, for the way I introduced myself.”

I thought about that. Yeah, she owed me for when she ambushed me in the bathroom with her catty jealous bullshit. Not that I bought it as her sole motivation. Maybe I was just the lesser of two evils. Maybe she was keeping her enemies close. “All right. Thank you.”

No denying I felt better. A weight I hadn’t realized I was carrying around was suddenly relieved.

“Something else,” Magdalene went on. “she went after you.”

My grip tightened on the phone receiver. Lauren always came after me . . . because I was always running. My recovery was so fragile that I’d learned to protect it at all costs. When something threatened my stability, I ditched it.

“There have been other women in her life who’ve tried ultimatums like that, camila. They got bored or they wanted her attention or some kind of grand gesture . . . So they walked away and expected her to come after them. You know what she did?”

“Nothing,” I said softly, knowing my man. A man who never spent social time with women she slept with and never slept with women she associated with socially. Corinne and I were the sole exceptions to that rule, which was yet another reason why her ex sent me into fits of jealousy.

“Nothing more than making sure Angus dropped them off safely,” she confirmed, making me think it’d been a tactic she’d tried at some point. “But when you left, she couldn’t chase after you fast enough. And she wasn’t herself when she said good-bye. she seemed . . . off.”

Because she’d felt fear. My eyes closed as I mentally kicked myself. Hard.

Lauren had told me more than once that it terrified her when I ran, because she couldn’t handle the thought that I might not come back. What good did it do to say that I couldn’t imagine living without her when I so often showed her otherwise with my actions? Was it any wonder she hadn’t opened up to me about her past?

I had to stop running. Lauren and I were both going to have to stand and fight for this, for us, if we were going to have any hope of making our relationship work.

“Do I owe you now?” I asked neutrally, returning Mark’s wave as he left for lunch.

Magdalene exhaled in a rush. “Lauren and I have known each other a long time. Our mothers are best friends. You and I will see each other around, Camila, and I’m hoping we can find a way to avoid any awkwardness.”

The woman had come up to me and told me that the minute Lauren “shoved her dick” in me, I was “done.” And she’d hit me with that at a moment when I was especially vulnerable.

“Listen, Magdalene, if you don’t cause drama, we’ll get by.” And since she was being so forthright . . . “I can screw up my relationship with Lauren all by myself, trust me. I don’t need any help.”

She laughed softly. “That was my mistake, I think—I was too careful and too accommodating. she has to work at it with you. Anyway . . . I’ve taken up my minute. I’ll let you go.”

“Enjoy your weekend,” I said, in lieu of thanks. I still couldn’t trust her motivation.

“You, too.”

As I returned the receiver to its cradle, my gaze went to the photos of me and Lauren. I was abruptly overwhelmed by feelings of greed and possession. she was mine, yet I couldn’t be sure from one day to the next whether she’d stay mine. And the thought of any other woman having her made me insane.

I pulled open my bottom drawer and dug my smartphone out of my purse. Driven by the need to have her thinking as fiercely about me, I texted her about my sudden desperate hunger to devour her whole: I’d give anything to be sucking your cock right now.

Just thinking about how she looked when I took her in my mouth . . . the feral sounds she made when she was about to come . . .

Standing, I deleted the text the moment I saw it’d been delivered, then dropped my phone back in my purse. Since it was noon, I closed all the windows on my computer and headed out to reception to find Megumi.

“You hungry for anything in particular?” she asked, pushing to her feet and giving me a chance to admire her belted, sleeveless lavender dress.

I coughed because her question came so soon after my text. “No. Your choice. I’m not picky.”

We pushed out through the glass doors to reach the elevators.

“I am so ready for the weekend,” Megumi said with a groan as she stabbed the call button with an acrylic-tipped finger. “A day and a half left to go.”

“Got something fun planned?”

“That remains to be seen.” She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Blind date,” she explained ruefully.

“Ah. Do you trust the person setting you up?”

“My roommate. I expect the guy will at least be physically attractive, because I know where she sleeps at night and paybacks are a bitch.”

I was smiling as an elevator car reached our floor and we stepped inside. “Well, that ups your odds for a good time.”

“Not really, since she found him by going on a blind date with him first. She swears he’s great, just more my type than hers.”

“Hmm.”

“I know, right?” Megumi shook her head and looked up at the decorative, old-fashioned needle above the car doors that marked the passing floors.

“You’ll have to let me know how it goes.”

“Oh, yeah. Wish me luck.”

“Absolutely.” We’d just stepped out into the lobby when I felt my purse vibrate beneath my arm. As we passed through the turnstiles, I dug for my phone and felt my stomach tighten at the sight of Lauren’s name. she was calling, not sexting me back.

“Excuse me,” I said to Megumi before answering.

She waved it off nonchalantly. “Go for it.”

“Hey,” I greeted her playfully.

“camila.”

I missed a step hearing the way she growled my name. There was a wealth of promise in the roughness of her voice.

Slowing, I found I was speechless, just from hearing her say my name with that edginess I craved—the sharp bite that told me she wanted to be inside me more than she wanted anything else in the world.

While people flowed around me, entering and exiting the building, I was halted by the weighted silence on my phone. The unspoken and nearly irresistible demand. she made no sound at all—I couldn’t even hear her breathing—but I felt her hunger. If I didn’t have Megumi waiting patiently for me, I’d be riding an elevator to the top floor to satisfy her unvoiced command to make good on my offer.

The memory of the time I’d sucked her off in her office simmered through me, making my mouth water. I swallowed. “Lauren . . .”

“You wanted my attention—now you have it. I want to hear you say those words.”

I felt my face flush. “I can’t. Not here. Let me call you later.”

“Step over by the column and out of the way.”

Startled, I looked around for her. Then I remembered that the Caller ID put her in her office. My gaze lifted, searching for the security cameras. Immediately, I felt her eyes on me, hot and wanting. Arousal surged through me, spurred by her desire.

“Hurry along, angel. Your friend’s waiting.”

I moved to the column, my breathing fast and audible.

“Now tell me. Your text made me hard, camila. What are you going to do about it?”

My hand went to my throat, my gaze sliding helplessly to Megumi, who watched me with raised brows. I lifted one finger up, asking for another minute, then turned my back to her and whispered, “I want you in my mouth.”

“Why? To play with me? To tease me like you’re doing now?” There was no heat in her voice, just calm severity.

I knew to pay careful attention when Lauren got serious about sex.

“No.” I lifted my face to the tinted dome in the ceiling that concealed the nearest security camera. “To make you come. I love making you come, Lauren.”

she exhaled harshly. “A gift, then.”

Only I knew what it meant for Lauren to view a sexual act as a gift. For her, sex had previously been about pain and degradation or lust and necessity. Now, with me, it was about pleasure and love. “Always.”

“Good. Because I treasure you, Camila, and what we have. Even our driving urge to fuck each other constantly is precious to me, because it matters.”

I sagged into the column, admitting to myself that I’d fallen into an old destructive habit—I’d exploited sexual attraction to ease my insecurities. If Lauren was lusting after me, she couldn’t be lusting after anyone else. How did she always know what was going on in my mind?

“Yes,” I breathed, closing my eyes. “It matters.”

There’d been a time when I’d turned to sex to feel affection, confusing momentary desire with genuine caring. Which was why I now insisted on having some sort of friendly framework in place before I went to bed with a man. I never again wanted to roll out of a lover’s bed feeling worthless and dirty.

And I sure as hell didn’t want to cheapen what I shared with Lauren just because I was irrationally scared of losing her.

It hit me then that I was off balance. I had this sick feeling in my gut, like something awful was going to happen.

“You can have what you want after work, angel.” her voice deepened, grew raspier. “In the meantime, enjoy lunch with your co-worker. I’ll be thinking about you. And your mouth.”

“I love you, Lauren.”

It took a couple of deep breaths after I hung up to compose myself enough to join Megumi again. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Everything all right?”

“Yes. Everything’s fine.”

“Things still hot and heavy with you and Lauren Jauregui?” She glanced at me with a slight smile.

“Umm . . .” Oh yes. “Yes, that’s fine, too.” And I wished desperately that I could talk about it. I wished I could just open the valve and gush about my overwhelming feelings for her. How thoughts of her consumed me, how the feel of her beneath my hands drove me wild, how the passion of her tortured soul cut into me like the sharpest blade.

But I couldn’t. Not ever. She was too visible, too well known. Private tidbits about her life were worth a small fortune. I couldn’t risk it.

“she sure is,” Megumi agreed. “Damn fine. Did you know her before you started working here?”

“No. Although I suppose we would have met eventually.” Because of our pasts. My mother gave generously to many abused children’s charities, as did Lauren. It was inevitable that Lauren and I would’ve crossed paths at some point. I wondered what that meeting would have been like—her with a gorgeous blonde on her arm and me with Cary. Would we have had the same visceral reaction to each other from a distance as we’d had up close in the Crossfire lobby?

she’d wanted me the moment she saw me on the street.

“I wondered.” Megumi pushed through the revolving lobby door. “I read that it was serious between you two,” she went on when I joined her outside on the sidewalk. “So I thought maybe you’d known her before.”

“Don’t believe everything you read on those gossip blogs.”

“So it’s not serious?”

“I didn’t say that.” It was too serious at times. Painfully, brutally so.

She shook her head. “God . . . listen to me pry. Sorry. Gossip is one of my vices. So are extremely hot women like Lauren Jauregui. I can’t help but wonder what it’d be like to hook up with a gir whose body screams sex like that. Tell me she’s awesome in bed.”

I smiled. It was good to hang out with another girl. Not that Cary couldn’t also be appreciative of a hot guy, but nothing beat girl talk. “You won’t hear me complaining.”

“Lucky bitch.” Bumping shoulders with me to show she was teasing, she said, “How about that roommate of yours? From the photos I saw, she’s gorgeous, too. Is she single? Wanna hook me up?”

Turning my head quickly, I hid a wince. I’d learned the hard way never to set up an acquaintance or friend with Cary. He was so easy to love, which led to a lot of broken hearts because he couldn’t love back the same way. The moment things started going too well, Cary sabotaged them. “I don’t know if he’s single or not. Things are . . . complicated in his life at the moment.”

“Well, if the opportunity presents itself, I’m certainly not opposed. Just sayin’. You like tacos?”

“Love ’em.”

“I know a great place a couple blocks up. Come on.”

* * *

Things were going well in my world as Megumi and I headed back from lunch. Forty minutes of gossip, guy-ogling, and three awesome carne asada tacos later, I was feeling pretty good. And we were returning to work a little over ten minutes early, which I was glad for since I hadn’t been the most punctual employee lately, even though Mark never complained.

The city was thrumming around us, taxis and people surging through the growing heat and humidity as they crammed what they could into the insufficient hours of the day. I people-watched shamelessly, my eyes skimming over everyone and everything.

Men in business suits walked alongside women in flowing skirts and flip-flops. Ladies in haute couture and five-hundred-dollar shoes teetered past steaming hot dog vendor carts and shouting hawkers. The eclectic mix of New York was heaven to me, stirring an excitement that made me feel more vibrant here than anyplace else I’d ever lived.

We were stopped by a traffic light directly across from the Crossfire, and my gaze was immediately drawn to the black Bentley sitting in front of it. Lauren must’ve just gotten back from lunch. I couldn’t help but think about her sitting in her car on the day we’d met, watching me as I took in the imposing beauty of her Crossfire Building. It made me tingly just thinking about it—

Suddenly, I went cold.

Because a striking blonde breezed out of the revolving doors just then and paused, giving me a good, long look at her—Lauren’s ideal, whether she’d been aware of it or not. A woman I’d witnessed her fixate on the moment she’d seen her in the Waldorf Astoria ballroom. A woman whose poise and hold over Lauren brought out all my worst insecurities.

Corinne Giroux looked like a breath of fresh air in a cream-colored sheath dress and cherry red heels. She ran a hand over her waist-length hair, which wasn’t quite as sleek as it’d appeared last night when I’d met her. In fact, it looked a little disheveled. And her fingers were rubbing at her mouth, wiping along the outline of her lips.

I pulled my smartphone out, activated the camera, and snapped a picture. With the proximity of the zoom, I could see why she was fussing with her lipstick—it was smeared. No, more like mashed. As if from a passionate kiss.

The light changed. Megumi and I moved with the flow, closing the distance between me and the woman who’d once had Lauren’s promise to marry her. Angus stepped out of the Bentley and came around, speaking to her briefly before opening the back door for her. The feeling of betrayal—Angus’s and Lauren’s—was so fierce, I couldn’t catch my breath. I swayed on my feet.

“Hey.” Megumi caught my arm to steady me. “And we only had virgin margaritas, lightweight!”

I watched Corinne’s willowy body slide into the back of Lauren’s car with practiced grace. My fists clenched as fury surged through me. Through the haze of my angry tears, the Bentley pulled away from the curb and disappeared.

[omniswords]

camino with 12 pease ;o;

12. Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

leave me a pairing and a number and i’ll write you a kiss! [CLOSED FOR NOW]

remember when i said camila was connected to another character? (¬‿¬) tagging @universeenthusiast @marichatmas and @lineith for enduring me wailing about my baby and this pairing IT’S CUTE IT’S JUST REALLY CUTE

At least the tea will keep her mama busy. Tea, and talking. So, so much talking.

Camila supposes that’s par for the course when her and Nino’s mothers haven’t seen each other in so long. Maybe she and Nino would be the same way, if they saw each other less often. Not that her mama has any idea how often they see each other, or how often they’re alone together, or what they do when they’re alone together and, in her parents’ words, the devil is third party. In fact, the only reason they’re alone in the kitchen is because they’re barely out of their family’s earshot. So it’s maybe, definitely, for the best this way. She’d love to be spared the Marriage Lecture—and the premarital interactions lecture. It’ll spoil the tea, anyway. Even with all that mint and all that sugar. Even with the sticky sweetness of the chebakia his mother made.

With a huff, she drowns out the conversation coming from the living room with the rush of the kitchen sink, rolling up her sleeves to the elbows and gritting her teeth when they start to slide back down. It’s not that she hates doing the dishes; in fact, it’s probably her favorite chore. It’s just annoying to do in the semi-nice clothing her mama insists she wear when they gather for dinner like this. So much embroidery, so many knots or sequins, and the material is ridiculously heavy. She’d think it wouldn’t be like that, coming from countries where the heat is almost unbearable sometimes.

Beside her, Nino laughs and tugs at her sleeves. “I got it,” he murmurs, tossing his dishtowel aside and carefully folding the sleeves up and up until they’re secure at the elbows again. “There. Should be better.” With a short nod, he goes back to drying. Their little assembly line.

It’s hard to think of Nino, sometimes, as the little kid who asked her to marry him with a big toothy smile and a fistful of dandelions when he was four and she was five. Because he’s not four anymore, he’s twenty-three. He spins records and steams milk for a living, he smells like fresh coffee almost all the time and he wears his hair in locs, and…

And he’s washing the dishes with her. Of his own volition. Which is more than she can say about most guys she’s dated.

But then, Nino, all of him, is more than she can say about most guys she’s dated, too. And it’s not just because he’s stuck around the longest. (Honestly, three years is a record high for her.)

Out of the corner of her eyes, he smiles. “What’re you thinking about?” he asks, taking the next dish from her a little too early. He must want to keep his hands busy.

“Nothin’,” she mumbles back, stealing a glance into the living room. Their mothers are still chatting; hers is stifling her laughter in that way that makes it sound like the roof of her mouth itches. Noël looks dreadfully caught in the middle of it all, sprawled out on the couch, and she can’t say she envies him. Nino probably doesn’t either, no matter how sweet he is on her mother—no matter how many times he’s slipped and called her Mama instead of Tati. “Just stuff.”

“Oh yeah?” There’s still a grin in his voice, like he knows what stuff actually is. He probably does. He hasn’t been her oldest friend for nothing, even in spite of being separated for four or five years. “Cause I was just thinking about this.”

“What? Dishes?”

“Us. Doing dishes. Together. You know, if…” He takes the next one, too hasty again; it’s a joint effort for them to keep it from falling to the floor and shattering. (Oh God, not the couscous platter. Anything but the couscous platter.) “If we ever, you know. Moved in.” His voice falls to a hush, and he clears his throat nervously. As though, perhaps, he shouldn’t have said that out loud.

(He’s sort of in the clear. Her mama isn’t as much of a hardass about this stuff as her father is.)

“Do you want to move in together?” Camila drops the question, simple and quiet, as she reaches for the faucet and dries her hands. (That’s the good thing about eating communally: when you all share one or two plates, cleanup is a breeze. The only issue is, somewhere in their DNA, they have the insatiable urge to cook for twenty people instead of five.) Still, she doesn’t feel like heading back to the living room just yet, and she busies herself with fixing her sleeves. The more she struggles with them, the more she delays the inevitable. “Were you thinking about it?”

Nino’s cheeks flare red—a stark contrast with the rest of him, tall and honestly unfairly muscular. It’s a dead giveaway.

She smiles to herself but allows him to see it. “You know our parents would flip every possible shit if we did. Are you willing to sit through The Marriage Lecture?” It’s funny; with the other guys and girls she’s dated, she couldn’t care less about any of that stuff. Wouldn’t have even brought the lecture up. But this time, it’s Nino. Someone she, admittedly, is actually committed to for once. Someone who gets all the baggage and backstory and nuances, and says let’s check them anyway.

Nino shrugs. “Maybe.”

Camila’s already crossed the kitchen, out of their mothers’ sight, and she freezes. “…Nino?”

“Would you say no?” He swallows. “If I asked you?”

It’s bold of him, to know her hesitations and his own insecurities, and to ask something like that anyway. A thousand words want to come rushing out all at once, but she holds them in her throat and waits. Eventually, she manages to say, “Not yet… If you were planning on asking me, don’t do it yet.” Blindly, her hand gropes for something to hold onto, settling on the handle of the refrigerator, gripping tight, tight. It’s not as though this is the first time the topic’s come up, but it feels… different this time, in the kitchen he grew up in. More vulnerable, more… terrifying, to admit to. To commit to. “But if you asked me in the future, I’d say yes.”

Nino’s eyes go wide, and they flicker toward the living room, too. He looks like he’s trying so, so hard to keep it together. Like he can’t believe what he’s heard; he even pinches himself, even though he’s hardly subtle about it. “Yes…?”

“Yes, yes.” Camila holds her breath, checks one last time. Just to make sure her mama’s distracted. Then she beckons him closer with a finger, and whispers, “Get out of the doorway.”

On command, he follows her lead, and as soon as they’re both hidden in the corner of the kitchen she pulls him down into a hug to keep herself from shaking at her own confession. Her nails dig into his back, and on instinct he holds her tighter, and when she presses her ear to his chest his heart is racing, pounding over the sound of her mama’s howling laughter. She doesn’t give him much chance to shift away before she’s yanking him into a kiss—the quiet, hidden, forceful kind where his hands find a death grip on her waist and her back presses deliciously to the wall. It’s hard to tell whether the weight is lifting off her shoulders, or pressing down twofold, but with Nino parting from her with a thread of soft, apologetic kisses to her lips, she can’t be bothered to make a decision.

“I’m gonna pretend to be tired,” she whispers in the space between their mouths, her hand splaying over his chest as his trails down her arm, still aching for her touch wherever he can find it. “So you can offer to drive me home.”

“Then what?” he whispers back. “We talk?”

“Maybe we talk.” Camila bites her lip and grins up at him. “Or maybe we don’t talk.”

Nino’s mouth barely falls open, with the same incredulity in his mother’s voice one room over, but then he grins back. “Maybe we don’t.”

[sunsetspidey]

a little too much ⎮s.m.

pairing: reader x shawn mendes

summary: the release of the señorita music video was all it took for her insecurities to become too much

warnings: a few bad words, some angst, insecurities, mention of anxiety 

a/n: this is based off a request from @skarsgard-bill-sstuff! i hope you like it and that i did your request justice. p.s. i’m sorry for taking ages to write it

disclaimer: i do not have anything against camila or shawmila or whatever. just putting that out there. i just want my smol bean to be happy. ok that’s all.

Y/N wasn’t sure when the insecurities started, but they were there and they were real. So, so real and she couldn’t find the switch to turn them off. When they first forced their way into her head, she pushed them away, telling herself that she had absolutely no reason to feel this way. Shawn could have anyone he wanted (he practically had girls throwing themselves at him everywhere he went) and he had chosen her. He didn’t hold back on his affection and compliments either, only enforcing the fact that her doubts were unnecessary.

Maybe that was why they had started - when his affection grew less and less frequent, and his compliments turned into complaints. When he had called her a bitch because she had asked him if he could clean up his clothes in their bedroom, she told herself that he was stressed about the upcoming tour. He had apologized the same night, wrapping his arm around her waist and whispering sweet nothings into her ear, so she hadn’t thought much about it. It happened again a few weeks later and it didn’t take long before outbursts and namecalling became common in their conversations. 

Y/N wasn’t completely innocent, either, and she was fully aware. Instead of trying to reason with him when he started acting like that, she would return his hurtful words and only fuel his anger farther. It was sort of a vicious cycle that either of them seemed to know how to stop. She desperately needed it to, though, because she didn’t know how much more of the arguing she could handle. The more they argued, the more the insecurities and what-ifs were gnawing at the back of her mind. Some days, they were the first thing she thought of in the morning and the last thing she thought of before succumbing to sleep. They plagued her everyday life and she hated it. 

The release of the music video for Señorita was all it took to push her over the edge. When Shawn told her about his collaboration with his long-term best friend, you had been nothing but supportive. She even offered an opinion or two on the lyrics when the two of them had been stuck. Shawn had told her all about the concept for the music video during a FaceTime call while on tour in Europe, but neglecting to mention that he and Camila were the ones starring in it. Y/N had joined Shawn’s livestream on Instagram the day he was premiering it on YouTube, joining the fans in teasing him as he couldn’t figure it out. For the first time in a while, she had watched the video simultaneously with his fans and while they were freaking out about how good it was, she had been freaking out about something else entirely. 

She was meeting him in Los Angeles two weeks after the release and those two weeks had been horrible. There were reminders everywhere; online, her text messages, the TV. The song was breaking records, which made it worthy of the news and that also meant she would photos and short clips whether she wanted to or not. A few of her friends had texted her, attempting to subtly ask if she was okay with Shawn being all over Camila like that. She wasn’t, but she wouldn’t tell them that, playing it off like it was no big deal. He was hers and she trusted him - at least that was what she tried telling herself. 

The worst part was the comments and her Twitter mentions got the worst of it. Fans were mentioning her every minute of every day, asking about her opinions of the video. It seemed Shawn’s fans were divided, which she appreciated. While a majority were talking about how he should break up with her and date Camila instead, the minority was on her side. They would send her supportive messages and tag her in edits of her and Shawn. She saw all of it and the edits reminded her of how long it had been since the two of them had been out in public. The photos used were almost four months old and she couldn’t ignore how it tugged on her heartstrings. 

Y/N watched Shawn from the side of the stage as he soundchecked, leaning against the concrete wall, her arms across her chest. She had arrived late the previous night and she was positive she hadn’t been able to hide her disappointment when Brian came to pick her up from the airport. To avoid his concerned stares, she had mumbled an excuse about being exhausted and pretended to fall asleep on the ride back to the hotel. Shawn had been asleep when she let herself into the hotel room, barely acknowledging her as she climbed into bed. It had taken her hours to fall asleep, her heart aching as he listened to his steady breathing. She had felt out of place sleeping next to him suddenly and it pained her massively. When she woke up the next morning, Shawn hadn’t been anywhere in sight, a simple text letting her know that he had gone to the gym.

Needless to say, she hadn’t gotten much sleep. She had barely seen Shawn, the two of them yet to exchange any words, and it seemed that his crew was beginning to notice. Brian had made his mission to keep her occupied, it appeared, barely letting her out of his sight. He had taken her to breakfast in the morning, sharing a Lyft with her to the arena, and declined Connor’s invitation of exploring the city. She had been able to sneak away when Alessia struck up a conversation with him and she had sent the Canadian singer a grateful smile as she exited the green room. Y/N was convinced Alessia knew about the chaos inside her head, but she was too heartbroken to ask about it. 

As the familiar tune of Fallin’ All In You filled the empty arena, she swallowed the lump in her throat, furiously blinking away the glossiness in her eyes. She distracted herself with her phone, avoiding Twitter, scrolling through her feed on Instagram instead. Eventually, her boyfriend’s angelic singing fades out and as applause entered her ears, she slipped her phone into the back pocket of her boyfriend jeans. Pushing herself off the wall, she straightened her spine, determined to steal back some of his attention. He stumbled down the stairs, almost knocking her over in the process. A look she wasn’t able to fully interpret crossed his face as he realized who she was. 

“Babe!” he exclaimed, his lips stretching into a smile. She didn’t have time to respond before he pulled her into a hug, her breath momentarily disappearing as she collided with his chest. “What d’you think?” 

“You sound great,” she admitted, reluctantly pulling away. It felt like it had been an eternity since he held like her that and she had almost forgotten his scent. “like always. The voice of an angel.” 

His cheeks were already rosy, but she knew him and could easily spot the blush turning a shade darker. He chuckled, running a hand through his mop of curls and she wished her fingers could replace his. His laughter - easily one of her favorite sounds in the world - would normally send a warm tingle throughout her body, but this time around it caused her nothing but misery. She missed being able to make him laugh without even trying. 

“’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” he apologized, his thumb caressing the crease of her wrist. “Connor and I went to the gym and you were gone when I got back.”

She noticed the exaggerated pout of his lips, but ignored it. “Brian treated me to breakfast.” 

Shawn nodded. “He told me. Heard you ate three whole waffles.” 

There was a teasing smirk dancing on his lips and normally she would either elbow him or swat his chest to which he would pull her close and tickle her sides. Not even his playful banter could lift the blanket of mixed emotions she seemed to be tangled in. She was sad; sad because she felt like she didn’t know her boyfriend anymore, sad because he didn’t seem to notice them growing apart, sad because she knew he could do so much better than her. Her sadness was accompanied by anger and frustration for all the same reasons. She was upset with Shawn for acting the way he had been acting, for not telling her about the music video and pretending like it wasn’t a big deal. She was upset with herself because, in reality, she felt pathetic for feeling this way. 

“Do you love me?” 

Her question-like accusation was abrupt. So abrupt that it momentarily felt like everybody in the arena had stopped their actions to listen to their conversation. She was certain that if she dropped a pin, you’d be able to hear it come in contact with the grey concrete floors. Shawn’s playful exterior faltered immediately, his brows furrowing as if trying to figure out if she had said what he heard. His hand fell from hers in surprise and she missed his warm touch instantly. 

“After everything we’ve been through, you still think I don’t love you?” Shawn uttered, disbelief dripping from his words. 

“I don’t know, okay? I can’t tell. I-I don’t know who you are anymore, Shawn.”

His name felt foreign on her tongue and by the way his eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting to hear his first name fall from her lips either. For the two, almost three years, their respective pet names were all they had exchanged as a means of referring to one another. Shawn had expanded his nickname vocabulary as they grew more serious and she wasn’t complaining; some of his favorites being honey and baby. Y/N had her fair share of pet names for him, too, but the most favorable one was rockstar. It always tugged at the corner of his lips and more often than not, it elicited a smile from her favorite person in the whole world. 

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t noticed? Shawn, we can barely get through a conversation without coming for each other’s throats. I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. Even when you’re home, you spend all your time with your friends and when you’re here, you’re with Camila,” she informed, the words spilling out before she could really consider them.

“That’s not—”

“It’s true, so please don’t try to make any excuses. And next time you decide to practically hump her in a music video, how about a heads up first, hm?” 

Shawn’s wide eyes glanced around quickly and although she could tell his anxiety was getting to him, she couldn’t stop herself. She was on a roll and she needed to get the words off her chest. Over the past couple of months, she had been bottling these feelings up, too afraid that if she spoke of them aloud, Shawn would agree with the haunting voice in her head. She knew it hadn’t been the same between them lately, but she also knew that she didn’t want to be with anyone else. Shawn was the one who could make her laugh on her darkest days and she wanted - needed - him in her life. 

Maybe that was the reason her eyes watered as hers met his. She recognized the guilt within them immediately, but it was gone almost as soon as it disappeared. The flicker of remorse was replaced with anger and she knew then that he wasn’t about to just stand there and listen to her, he would put up a fight. She dug her nails into the palm of her hand, determined to at least appear stronger than she was. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of crying. 

“I told you about the music video weeks before we filmed it!”

“Yeah, but you never told me you were the one doing all those things with Camila. If I had known, I wouldn’t be as supportive as I was.” 

Shawn scoffs, his eyebrows quirking. “Supportive? If you were supportive you wouldn’t be out here complaining about me being gone when it’s my job. You knew what it would be like when we started dating.”

He was right and they both knew it. It had been a frequent discussion amongst the two of them as their relationship grew more serious. Shawn made sure to let her know that with his second album nearing its release, there would be even more touring and more interviews, but she had already fallen head over heels for him and was certain they could withstand every obstacle thrown their way. She was proven right as he left for his second world tour, their relationship blooming like a flower in spring. It seemed as though the two of them were invincible and she missed that feeling more than she could express. 

She still wanted them to be. There was not an ounce of doubt within her that she wanted to be with him. The two of them were often mentioned in magazines despite their relationship being fairly private. Headlines like ‘Hollywood power couple Shawn and Y/N’ and ‘Long-term couple Mendes and Y/L/N’ were more frequent than she would like to admit. It was flattering, she couldn’t deny it, but it was also scary. She knew that if the two of them were to split, the press would be all over them in a heartbeat, like vultures attacking their prey. She had been with him for so long that she couldn’t imagine a future without him, but the dark thoughts filling her head were telling her that would be impossible.  

“I’m not complaining,” she muttered, the tears threatening to spill once again. “I’m just saying that you’ve been spending a lot of time with Camila and other friends instead of me. You don’t even invite me along.”

“I do spend time with you, Y/N,” she tried her best not to shudder as her name fell from his lips. It sounded like poison and by the brief look of shock in his eyes, she assumed it tasted like it, too. “Camila’s one of my best friends. I’ve known her longer than I’ve known you.” 

His words were like thorns pricking her skin. It felt like her skin was on fire. Her insecurities were right at the front of her mind instantaneously and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t push them away. She was well-aware that Camila had known him longer and while a part of her hated it, she knew how much she and their friendship meant to Shawn. Camila was sweet and Y/N considered her a friend, so she had never really been insecure until recently. She trusted Shawn and she trusted Camila, but her own thoughts were getting the best of her. 

“Yeah, I know, your fans remind me every day. I don’t know if you notice, but they tag me in photos and tweets all the time and ninety percent of the time it’s to tell me that you should be dating her and not me. Sometimes, I feel like you want it to happen as much as them.” 

She wasn’t sure what she noticed first; the way his expression softened or the salty tear coming in contact with her bottom lip. Inwardly cursing herself for not being able to hold her tears at bay, she brought her hand to her face, frustratingly using the back of her hand to wipe away the escaped tears. She hated not being able to control her tears, it was increasingly difficult when she couldn’t even control her emotions. She was angry and terrified and hurt and sad. It was a cocktail she didn’t like the taste of. 

“What d’you mean? Of course, I don’t! We’re just friends.” 

“Yeah,” she sighed, a scoff escaping her. “And friends don’t know the way you taste, right? Your fans were the ones who pointed it out, actually, but you do seem to have a lot of songs about unrequited love, so it makes you wonder who—”

“Don’t use my lyrics against me,” Shawn mumbled, taking a hesitant step forward as if to test the boundaries. She didn’t have the energy to move and remained in her spot. “I love Camila, but the love I have for her is completely different from the one I have for you. Baby, I love you so much it hurts. Those songs are either based off old feelings or story ideas I make up in my head. You know that.” 

“I-I just,” she sighed and before she could wipe away her continuous tears, Shawn beats her to it. His thumb moves gingerly across her cheek, taking the signs of her weakness with it. “She’s so gorgeous and the whole world practically wants the two of you to date and I... I just feel like I’m not enough.”

“You are,” Shawn proclaimed immediately, his large hand resting against your damp cheek. “You are more than enough. I don’t care what the world thinks or what my fans are saying. I want you. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. There’s been a lot going on with the tour and traveling and planning the- it’s been hectic and you deserve better and I’m sorry.”

“I’m stupid. I’m sorry. I-I just get insecure and social media makes it worse sometimes.”

Shawn shook his head, using his thumb to lift your chin gently. “Hey, you’re not stupid. We all have our insecurities and yours are as real as anyone else’s. I’m really sorry about the music video, but please know that I was thinking of you the whole time and it was fucking awkward. I have the day off tomorrow. Let’s hang out, just the two of us, yeah? No phones. No friends. Sound good?”

She nodded and that was all it took for him to pull her back into his arms. She could feel his nose in her hair and she smiled against his chest. Her insecurities wouldn’t disappear just like that, they both knew that, but the fact that he understood where she was coming from was all she needed. She could hear his small inhale and she knew he was smelling her hair to see if she smelled like home, making her smile even wider. Interlacing her hands behind his back, she hugged him tighter, determined to never let him go. She could only hope that he was in it for the long-run too and his next words were really all the reassurance she needed.

“About fucking time,” Brian exclaimed, startling the two of you apart. “I was about to take Y/N and let you have Camila, man.” 

“Fuck off. No one’s taking her. She’s mine and she always will be.”  

should i create a tag list? also, come talk to me about this! i love hearing your opinions 🧡

[swinterr]

VALERIE III

People in Twitter are twitting about a video of Val’s reaction when she saw Shawn and Camila, she received mixed comments about her reaction.

Her parents are really protective about her, even her siblings mostly Vernon. Her Dad and Mom doesn’t understand what’s happening between them, they all thought that Shawn is gonna be Valerie’s forever.

Of course Shawn saw the video. He’s not stupid, he knows that he’s hurting Val.

He also saw the message Valerie send him but he didn’t read the it because he knows he cannot stop himself on answering back.

He loves Valerie so much, but he has to do this.

When he first play the video the first came to his mind is that Valerie looks so pretty, very pretty. Valerie isn’t really like those blonde, long legged, orange tan (well she is tan but not oramge tan). She looks like a goddess. She’s perfect.

Then he saw Vernon from the background, Shawn gets along well with Valerie’s family well but Vernon is the hardest one to get along. He is scared genuinely of Vernon.

The time when Brian told him that Valerie broke up with him, he excused himself on sound check saying he wasn’t feeling well. He went back to his hotel and cried holding Valerie sweater in his chest.

He cried for the half of the day. He only went out when it’s Q&A.

He really wants to fix this but he can’t, it’s too fucked up to be fixed. He feels so powerless.

-

Valerie feels awful when she got back home.

She didn’t ate dinner instead she spend her whole evening, well half of it, on the gym boxing with Vernon is a good exercise but she did her exercises alone, she did it without a trainer while Vernon does cardio. Actually she didn’t even do her exercises, she just keeps punching the punching bag until her knuckles bleed, until they severely bleed. Her mom has to take her to the nearest clinic to aid her bloody knuckles.

“Val, you’re knuckles are going to bleed if you keep doing this. Stop it you’re hurting yourself.” Vernon tried reasoning with Valerie, growing more and more concerned about her and her new obsession with puching the punching bag carelessly.

“No, it’s either I ruined this punching bag or I do more stupider sh!t than this.” Valerie’s voice is quiet and cold, She always had a my-voice-is-so-soft-and-I-will-not-raise-my-voice-on-anyone-bc-that’s-rude-attitude.

“Can you at least where gloves, hand wrap is not enough you know.” Vernon reminder her.

Valerie didn’t listen and brought her fists close to her face, finding her aim and released all of her pent up anger, frustrations and pain out through quick, sharp punches, showing no mercy on the already worn punching bag wanting to release all the pain she felt in the past few weeks. Sweat glistened every inch of her body, especially in her face.

Vernon can’t even distinguish if that even is sweat or tears, her curly hair sticking to her back, arms and all angles of her face.

Val could her Vernon stopping her in the background but she didn’t listen.

Soon the punching bag falls from where it’s hanging. And Valerie knuckles are bleeding.

“Dammit Valerie! You’re bleeding! Mom!” Vernon shouts.

Ever since Val and Shawn broke up Vernon is more over-protective of Val.

She really wants to go back to Toronto, but Toronto has too much memories for her to handle. She wishes that Bella and Gigi are here with her. She’s lucky enough to have a thought, loving and caring Anwar Hadid by her side.

Gigi, Bella and Anwar (even though they live near), Aaliyah, Ana, Lauren and Dylan (her friends back home), Kiera and Darius (her dorm mates) are texting her everyday saying that everything gonna be alright and Shawn’s a dick.

She can’t wait to go back to Massachusetts and receive pity looks. Insert sarcasm.

She just needs to wait few more days until they are schedule free.

Valerie hadn’t spoken to anyone since they came back from downtown Los Angles (besided her mom and Vernon who approach her). She is currently laying in her king sized bed.

Staring at the clock, watching it tick by. 11 o’clock in the night, she should be asleep by now but her mind is somewhere far away. Far away from all this drama and chaos that is currently happening in her life.

Sobbing her heart out. Puffy eyes and runny nose are they best description of Valerie right now. Maybe a fever in the morning too.

She never wanted to end their relationship like this. To be honest they can survive this relationship, Valerie is just tired of being treated like this.

Don’t get me wrong, Shawn’s a great boyfriend but he focuses on his career more than their relationship.

People though they are perfect for each other. She thought that Shawn will be THE ONE. Her grandparents from her mother and father’s side already met and approve of Shawn even the ones who live in Florence.

She genuinely believe that they are ment to be together but jealousy got her. Her insecurities got her.

Her heart still aches profoundly with pain. She miss her so much but it’s so unfair that he moved in that quickly.

Valerie, Shawn and Camila are trending right now. Everything seems so chaotic. Her sobs still fills her big room.

Instagram stans are making up the craziest sh!ts right, some makes her laugh and some are true that makes her cry hard.

@queenval

@queenval to be honest val is the greatest thing that ever happend to shawn. i love shawn sm but he stupid!!

50,234 likes

Shawn is the greatest thing that ever happend to her.

Shawn’s fans been calling him out because of his stupid moves. Many of her fans are still supporting Valerie even if they are not together anymore.

Valerie shakily reaches for her phone she usually listens to His music when she’s sad, but at this state listening to His music will make her more sad than ever.

Malibu Nights by LANY played. Is it ironic that she is listening to Malibu Nights heartbroken and she really wants to go to Malibu. Its just a 40 minute car ride. She can survive right?

She brought a beach house recently somewhere in Pacific Coast Highway. She brought it the exact day Shawn left Canada to continue his tour, Valerie brought the house because when she will visit Shawn on his tour this will be their hiding place.

People say that Valerie have it all; Brains, Beauty, Wealth but everything means nothing if you aren’t happy right?

Decided to spent the rest of her days in Malibu. Valerie picked this big ass box that has been sent to her by a company. She didn’t even bother to read what company it is all she knows that is a clothing company. Few shoes, hoodies and her underwears on her bag.

She dressed herself into a pair of jeans and a shirt, hoodie on her arm incase she’ll needs it.

Everyone is asleep so this should be the perfect time to sneak out, she closed her room door quietly as she held the big box on her hands, struggling to balance it and keys and a Gucci bagpack filled with he laptop, personal needs, medicines and this tiny vape pen she got from Anwar.

Valerie isn’t the type of girl who does wild stuffs, stuff like normal teenagers do. Maybe that’s the reason why they broke up, she’s too boring for him.

Well now that they are over, Valerie wants to do the things she didn’t do when they were together. Things teenagers would do.

Now she be vaping, she wants to have tattooes too. Val got a rose tattoo behind her ear on her 19th birthday. She wants to add more.

Valerie successfully got down from the 3rd floor, her room, to the ground floor.

She wants to do things that she hasn’t done yet. She opened her parents wine cellar and pulled out a bottle of Pinot Noir with a three bottles of beer and a big bottle of her father’s whiskey.

She didn’t really want to steal this alcoholic beverage but she know that many shops out there knows her and has a high possibility that they will post pictures about her underage and buying drinks.

She puts the bottles on her bag, wanting to go to Malibu quickly, she runs towards their garage, mentally kicking herself for having a loud foot steps.

For Valerie if is she’s sad or disappointed she chooses to be alone. Being with herself alone is always the best part of her day or best time of her day.

Valerie picked the black Mercedes-Benz G wagon.

She puts her things in the passengers seat and zoomed off to Malibu.

She felt tears start to form as the now familiar burn caused her to shut

her eyes for a moment and stop at the side of the expressway she like crying. For her crying is good for her mental health because crying can help reduce pain. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes feelings of love and Endorphins help relieve pain. These two make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain.

But sometimes crying too much can also be bad for her, too much crying can lead to depression and she doesn’t want that. All she wants is to move on and live a happy life.

But moving on takes a lot of time.

The whole drive was quiet except for the radio and her quiet sobs.

She stopped on Target along the way to pick up some food for the next few days.

Valerie pulls up on the parking lot. The Californian cold wind creeps on her arm, regretting not wearing a hood and leaving it at the car.

Valerie pulls out the vape pen as she walks along the entrance of Target, she holds it to her mouth, tasting the vanilla flavored vape before releasing it. She lets out a deep sigh with some vapor leaving along her mouth and nose she continues this few times and stopping as she enters the shop.

She just pick up fruits for breakfast, pasta, vegetables and chicken for dinner, chocolate flavored milk, a gallon of water and eggs. She likes cooking, she doesn’t buy a lot of processed foods and microwaveble foods. She payed the cashier keeps giving her looks, is it because the cashier knows her or because she is the front page of one of the magazines on the counter.

“Is this you?” the cashier ask as she types something on the computer.

“Nope.” Valerie answers back as puts the goods she brought on a biodegradable bag and puts it back to the cart.

She walk back to her car and few teenagers curiously stares at her. She struggles to put the groceries on the car because it has a big tires and obviously a tall car competed to her 5’6 self.

She finally sees her house on the view.

Her gates open, headlights giving her the view of her house as well as the Pacific Ocean. The entryway features a reclaimed European fountain and big door that open to opulent interiors.

Her house looks so homey yet loney. She is used to go on a vacation with her family or family or with Shawn.

She inserts the keys while struggling to lift her heavy backpack filled with alcoholic drinks the big box and groceries she brought are stacked upon each other.

She enters her new house, she walks on the hardwood floors pushing the box with the groceries on top, she stares at vaulted ceiling and sees a Indian stone fireplace and custom designed sitting area.

For her, a house with a fireplace and a big couch is a must.

The balcony is a sliding door that has a view of the Malibu Coast.

Valerie finally fixed her clothes on her closet, turns out the box is from Gucci. Now she has a Gucci filled closet. Yey!

Her refrigerator is filled with groceries. Yey!

It’s already 12:34 am and she is still wide awake. She sits on her couch as she finds for her cell.

She looked everywhere, her hoodie, her bag, her car, on the closet even the refrigerator.

She left it on Bel Air. Yey!

She doesn’t have anything to do she she just drinks the alcohol she brought lol! Her TV still doesn’t have any channels and her house doesn’t have a wifi.

Valerie drinks the vodka shot in one gulp, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat caused by the strong liquor.

“I love you so much why did you do this to me!” she gulped the vodka down.

“I wish I didn’t love you! But I did I’m so stupid!” she gulped the other one.

“I don’t wanna date anyone anymore!” and another one.

Despite this, Valerie’s body feels more relaxed and her mind feels lighter and more problem free. It took her couple vodka shots for achieve this but it was worth it.

The bottle is nearly empty so she just decided to drink the bottle.

It’s a quarter past midnight. The buzz has worn off, now she is just dead ass drunk.

She miraculously arrived at her room, passing the stairs and remembering her room is a miracle.

As much as she wanted to sleep she washes her face and brushed her teeth and changes in a bougee Gucci pajama and sleep on her big bed with the view of the sea like a baby.

Alcohol can really make you forget everything temporarily even pain.

taglist:

@night-girls-world

@alinashawn

@feliciaceciliamariajacobsson

-

I FINALLY POSTED THIS. PLEASE LOVE ITT HEHEEH

[5hfanfiction]

Why Did I Get Married? (Camren)

Part Twenty Seven: Communication

“Communication is the fuel that keeps your relationship alive and burning. Without it, your relationship will go cold,” William Paisley.

***

To have a relationship with someone, it requires good communication. There needs to be a mutual understanding of each other’s feelings. For example, if you get mad at someone and you stop speaking to one another, the barrier needs to be overcome and the problems need to be resolved.

Communication solves most problems, therefore communication skills are the foundation for a strong relationship.

*** *Flashback*

“Really, Laur?” Camila opened her eyes slowly when she felt her girlfriend peppering kisses all over her face.

Lauren placed a kiss on Camila’s lips, savouring the taste that her lips would allow. “I will never get tired of kissing you.” She mumbled as she pulled away, sighing in content. “You’re amazing.”

“I can say the same thing about you, amor,” Camila sat upright, her back leaning against the bed’s headboard, Lauren following suit. “Listen, Laur…” Camila began but trailed off.

The photography student at the time took one of her girlfriend’s hand in hers. Back then, Camila was currently pursuing her Bachelor of Music. They were both in their second year of their degrees, which meant that they would soon be taking on the world of work by storm.

“Babe, we don’t need to talk about that again,” Lauren said.

Camila shook her head ‘no’. She sighed and straddled her girlfriend’s waist so that she could look into her beautiful emerald eyes as they had this conversation yet again. “Amor, I know we cleared things up already, but I need you to know, there’s no one else in this world that I would want to be with besides you.” Camila brought a hand to Lauren’s face and stroked her cheek. “You are my everything. I don’t care if someone flirts with me, looks at me, my eyes are only focused on you.”

Insecurity.

It’s a side effect of loving too much but getting little in return.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that Lauren had loved Camila less than she loved her. But insecurity can stem from many types of relationships and it affects someone’s view about themselves. Eventually they might start to think that they don’t deserve love.

“I love you, Camz. I love you so much,” Lauren sighed. “But sometimes it’s just so hard to believe someone like you could want someone like…me.”

Camila wrapped her hands around Lauren’s neck, brown eyes locked with green. “You are stupid to think that I would want someone other than you. I can list so many things about you that’ll make you seem so fucking incredible, Jauregui.”

Camila pulled Lauren in for a kiss. Connecting their lips in a slow but sensual kiss. They shut their eyes instinctively, as fireworks erupted behind their eyelids. A soft groaned escaped Lauren’s lips. The taste of Camila’s lips, how they felt under Lauren’s, was a feeling neither of them would ever get tired of. Not wanting it to go any further as they had classes soon, Camila pulled away and pecked her girlfriend on the nose.

“You’re the person who taught me how to love,” the music student whispered. “The one who actually loved me back. You’re the one who never left my side even though I knew at times, I wasn’t the easiest person to be with. You gave my life purpose. You gave me something to look forward to every single day I opened my eyes.”

Having met Lauren, Camila finally felt as though she knew her place in this universe. She felt that she was alive because they were destined to find each other, to fall in love and to be each other’s happiness.

Lauren smiled and traced her wife’s lips with her index finger. “In a universe with so many stars, the closest one to the earth is the sun. And you are my star Camila Cabello. Which makes you my sun.” She reached into the drawer next to their bed and pulled out a box. “I didn’t plan to do this so soon, or like this, but I feel it in my heart that this is the right moment.”

When she opened the box, Camila saw the most beautiful ring. It was a silver band with a sun engraved into it. Lauren pulled the ring out of the box and held it in her hand.

“I’m not proposing,” the photography student clarified. “But I will one day.” She took Camila’s hand in hers. “I’m making a commitment to you, Camila and only you. You’re why I’m here. I was destined to find you. In a world filled with seven billion people, I was unbelievably lucky to find my soulmate. Thank you for giving me somewhere to be…” Lauren looked into Camila’s eyes and saw that there were so many tears pouring out of them and trickling down her cheeks. ���And that somewhere is beside you.”

She slipped the ring on and brought it to her lips, kissing Camila’s finger ever so lightly. “I am totally in love with you. This is the kind of love that burns so intensely that it feels like an explosion of fireworks rippling through my body whenever you’re near, or whenever you touch me. It’s the kind of love that leaves me sleepless but energized at the same time. Speechless but poetic.” Lauren caressed Camila’s cheek. Her girlfriend was an emotional wreck but was still hanging on to what she was saying. “This is the kind of love that shows me where exactly I’m supposed to be.”

Camila smiled through her tears. “The feel-so-much-that-I’m-scared-of-being-hurt kind of love?”

Lauren laughed softly and nodded. “The can’t-eat-can’t-sleep-all-I-do-is-think-about-you kind of love.”

“The love I never knew I was searching for, until I found you, Lauren Michelle,” the music student wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and held her so tightly. “I love you so goddamn much. Please, please don’t ever think I’ll want someone else other than you.”

Lauren hugged Camila back tightly, placing a kiss on top of her head. “I am irrevocably in love with you.”

*End of Flashback*

***

I feel like we’re all just looking for someone who cares enough to try. Someone who realises when they make a mistake and when they hurt your feelings, that they mean it when they say they’re sorry.

Someone who remembers the little things about you. Not just because they have impeccable memory, but rather that they’re paying attention to the things that you have to say.

Someone who’s shy and can barely hold a conversation, but yet they can’t seem to shut up around you. They do anything to have your attention and to keep the conversation going, just for the sake of hearing your voice.

We don’t want to change the ones we love, we’re just simply hoping that we matter enough to them just to go the extra mile.

“Lauren, Camila,” Doctor Briggs greeted the couple as they stepped into her office. “It’s nice to see the both of you again. Can I interest either of you in some tea? Coffee?”

The couple declined Chelsea’s offer of drinks as they took a seat opposite to their therapist.

“How have you been?” Chelsea directed the question to the couple as she grabbed her notepad and slipped on her glasses.

Camila piped up first. “Well, I’ve been okay. I’m actually preparing for the release of my album in September, so my schedule has been a bit hectic, but I’m trying my best to make time for my family.”

Doctor Briggs nodded as she made a note of what Camila said. “Do you have any fears of your relationship regressing into old patterns when you get back out there making your music?”

The singer paused for a moment, looked at her wife before answering. “I feel like it’s only normal for me to be a bit scared but I’m going to try to not neglect my family like what I was doing before. I know Izzy needs me, and Lauren needs me…and I need them. Being thousands of miles away from my family hurts me, and if I can squeeze in some time everyday to FaceTime them, or even when I have a break, to spend time with them, I’m going to do it.”

Lauren smiled and took her wife’s hand in hers, bringing it to her lips.

“I’m glad to hear that Camila. This is major progress as to how you were before. Making time for your family would not just be beneficial for you both as a couple, but Izzy as well. And I know how much your daughter’s happiness means to the both of you,” Chelsea said. “And Lauren? How have you been?”

The photographer shrugged. “I’ve been fine. Just balancing my life between work, friends and my family.” Lauren looked as though she wanted to say something but she held her tongue.

However, their therapist noticed this.

“Is there something else you wanted to add?”

Lauren sighed. “Recently, Camila and I had talked about something with our friends…and I just…I don’t know it’s been at the back of my mind.”

Doctor Briggs nodded in understanding. “The key to having a successful relationship is communication, Lauren. So if something is bothering you, you should try to talk things out with your partner.”

Camila nodded in agreement. “I know I haven’t always been the best person for you to talk to, but whatever it is, amor…you can tell me.”

Lauren sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair. “Do you remember on my birthday you mentioned us moving to New York ?” Camila nodded. She had brought up the thought, because she felt as though it would’ve been the best thing for her family as they would’ve been closer to each other. “I’ve been thinking about it…and I know that all our family and friends are here in Miami, but I’ve thought about it and I think it makes so much sense to move to there.”

“But…do you want to move?”

“I told you already, Camz, my home is wherever you and Izzy are,” Lauren smiled at her wife. “I know it wasn’t set in stone, but I took the liberty of finding teachers to home-school Izzy and you remember Elena right?”

Camila nodded. “The cute lil girl we met at the park, who Izzy talks about like 24/7?”

Lauren laughed. “Yes, her. Her mother; Anastasia, is actually a teacher and she worked at the Love Academy Preparatory, which means she’s really good. So I spoke to her and asked her if she was willing to tutor Izzy, and she said yes.”

Doctor Briggs sat observing the interaction between the couple. Communication had always been their biggest enemy and today’s session was supposed to help them with that. Talking out their issues, and voicing their opinions would help them to be more in tuned with each other’s feelings.

“I’ve never really interacted with Anastasia, and I feel like I won’t be comfortable with the whole idea of her tutoring Izzy until I get to know her,” Camila said. She wasn’t always fond of people other than their family and friends interacting with their child. She wanted people who were role models for their daughter to be surrounded with.

Lauren nodded. “And I completely understand that, Camz. It was just a suggestion. If you aren’t comfortable with, Anastasia, there’s a lot of other teachers we can hire for Izzy.”

Doctor Briggs smiled internally at the way the couple was communicating. A couple months ago, they were at each other’s throats, and now they were actually sitting down and discussing things that could benefit them as a family. “Effective communication enables you as a couple, to sort out your problems with ease…together.” The therapist said, drawing the couple’s attention back to her. “Being able to communicate effectively, helps to stop pointless arguments which can occur regularly in any relationship.”

Camila and Lauren nodded. They were both aware of the pointless arguments that had been happening throughout the past year between them.

“But before we delve into the session even further, I’ll like to ask about my previous assignment,” Doctor Briggs said. Camila had instantly blushed red. She knew they would have to discuss the topic with Doctor Briggs but she wasn’t exactly comfortable with the topic of sex.

Lauren noticing her wife’s discomfort, she decided to take the reins. “I personally, would like to say that the assignment went well. Even though it was about a year later, I still felt as though we were in tune with each other’s bodies.”

“And how many times after my assignment have the both of you been intimate?”

“Our schedules have gotten busy over these past few weeks, but I’ll like to say that we probably would’ve had sex…five? Six times?” Lauren looked at Camila who nodded in confirmation.

The therapist made a note of the couple’s intimacy. “What about Izzy? How is she doing? A child tends to notice the changes between their parents’ relationships, so has she seemed any different now?”

Camila thought about it for a moment before she answered. “Izzy seems very…chill, for the lack of a better word. She’s always hanging around us, and when she is, she seems so happy. I catch her from time to time looking at Lauren and I, especially these last few days and there’s this gleam of happiness in her eyes, and I as her mother, couldn’t be happier.”

“Camila is right,” Lauren agreed. “We do talk about Camila having to go to work very soon and she does seem sad about having to say goodbye especially after having her around for so long, but Izzy understands.”

Doctor Briggs nodded. “Have you spoken to Izzy about moving?” The couple shook her their heads 'no’. “Do you think she’ll be happy to pack everything up and go? Or would she miss her home?”

“I know that she’ll miss here. Miami is our home. Ever since I moved from Argentina to here, it’s always been Miami. I met Lauren here and Izzy was born here. Miami is who we are,” Camila said, while her wife nodded in agreement. The thought of moving had never crossed their minds before. They would always travel the world, but their hearts would always be in Miami, that’s where they always came back home to.

Home sweet home.

“And I know she’ll miss the people she met along the way here, but our friends, they’re family and they won’t abandon her nor us,” Lauren smiled at the thought of their friends. It was true that no matter where the Jauregui - Cabellos went, the gang would always be there not even a footstep behind. “I think it’s more of the memories that would hurt upon leaving these place.”

Camila smiled sadly. “Yeah. But we’ll make new memories. It’s what we do best.”

“I just can’t bear to be away from you for so long anymore, Camz,” Lauren whispered out. “I’ll do anything just to be near you, even if I have to wait all day for you to come home to me, it’s better than being in a completely different state. And I know that when you start tour that’s going to be another issue, but it’s always been my dream to travel the world and do photography.”

Camila frowned a bit at her wife’s words. She had made it clear that it was always hard to leave her family behind to go out there and fulfill her dreams. It took every ounce of her not to turn around in that airport and run back into Lauren’s awaiting arms. But she didn’t want to disappoint her fans, to disappoint her family and most importantly…herself.

“It’s always been my dream to travel the world…but with you, Amor,” Camila took Lauren’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “And with Izzy too. I know for a child it’s going to be difficult and it won’t seem like a stable environment, but Izzy is years wiser than her age, and I know it won’t affect her as long as she has us with her.”

“Izzy’s idea of stability stems from having both parents around,” Doctor Briggs said. “And from what I’ve noticed about her, on both occasions we’ve interacted is that she is happier with the both of you. Having a stable home is key, but what’s also important is having two parents who love each other and give that love to their child as well.”

Izzy’s home was her parents.

A home is where there’s love, where memories reside, where friends and family are always welcomed and laughter is never short. That’s a home.

So even if the couple were to move, they weren’t leaving their home behind, they were going to make a new one. Maybe an even better one.

“A home is not a place but rather a feeling,” Doctor Briggs said. “You both seem to be so attached to here, but you’re willing to move to make your relationship work. It’s a huge step…but that’s a huge step in the right direction.” She placed her notepad on the table and looked at the couple. “Our session today was about communication, and from what I gathered during the past hour, is that you both as a couple, do have some things to improve, but your communication has come a long way.”

Camila and Lauren looked at each other, lovingly with smiles on their faces. They never thought that going to therapy was actually going to work. But the thing is, not everyone who goes to therapy get the help that they need. Doctor Chelsea Briggs was only there to guide the couple along the right path, had they chose not to listen to her, not to let each other in, then their relationship would’ve been no more.

You can seek help, but you have to allow yourself to receive the help as well.

Camila brought her wife’s hand to her lips and kissed it. “I love you, Lauren. I love you so fucking much.”

Someday someone is going to look at you, with a gleam in their eyes that you’ve never seen before with anyone that you’ve ever been with. They’re going to look at you and a small smile would find its way on their lips until it grows and their cheeks begin to hurt from smiling so much. They’re going to look at you like you’re everything they’ve been searching for their entire lives.

Wait for it.

Don’t settle.

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The most purest, most honest, the best and most beautiful type of love there is in the world. Not only to be loved by someone, everyone but also to be loved by yourself. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror, with a smile on your face, and the happiness and joy that you feel in your heart, radiating through your eyes, and think “I’m exactly who I am meant to be.”

You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your heart and cherish it for all of eternity.

You deserve it all, you know.

The whole world.

And you know what?

You should never forget that.

People are going to tell you to stop looking for a spark. Stop looking for the butterflies and that tingling sensation you feel whenever they touch you. They’re going to tell you to settle for stability and companionship.

But I want you to picture this…

Can you see yourself twenty, thirty, forty years from now, sitting at the dinner table and only talking about how your day was? About how crazy the weather is, when it’s thirty three degrees Celsius out?mi

Or picture this, you’re out with the love of your life messing around in the supermarket, racing the grocery carts through the aisles, teasing that doesn’t stop, the sarcasm that doesn’t go unnoticed.

There needs to be chemistry, and that’s not something that you can force, it’s just happens naturally.

Sure, being financially stable is swell, but being in love? That’s literally one of the best, and don’t get me wrong, the most painful feeling out there, but it’s sure as hell worth it in the end.

Camila and Lauren?

They didn’t settle for anything remotely far from an incredible love story. Sure, just like any other couple, they had their ups and downs, but the thing about them, is that they didn’t stay down. They picked themselves back up and tried and tried to get back to where they used to be.

The process involved in mending a broken heart is not an easy one nor does it happen quickly, but with the right steps, and with forgiveness, you’ll be on the right path to your healing.

“I love you too,” Lauren brought Camila’s hand to her lips and placed a kiss on it in return. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work. To love you the way you deserve to be loved. Whatever it takes.”

When you choose a life partner, you’re not just choosing someone to have sex with and someone who loves you and you, them. You’re choosing a lot of things. You’re choosing someone who’s going to influence your kids. You’re choosing your eating buddy for about 15,000 meals or possibly even more. You’re choosing your travel companion; not just around the world, but on simple grocery runs or even dropping your kids off to school. You’re choosing a support system. An unofficial but official therapist, and you’re choosing someone whose day you’ll hear about 15,000 thousand times.

It’s not just a life partner.

“It takes two people to have a relationship,” Doctor Briggs continued as she looked at her clients. “and each person has different communication needs and styles. Couples need to find different ways of communicating that will suit their relationship.” Chelsea looked at Camila. “When you’re angry, what do you prefer Camila? Do you prefer to be left alone until you’ve calmed down, or for Lauren to try until she gets you to open up about what got you mad in the first place?”

“I…um…” Camila stuttered. She knew that her anger had always gotten the best of her, and even though she had the biggest heart and loved Lauren with every fibre of her being, sometimes she wasn’t the best person to be around when she was angry. “I prefer to be left alone. I love you, amor, and I know you know that,” she looked at her wife. “But when I’m angry, I can’t be loving and I can’t be rational. I lash out and I feel like the best thing for you is to leave me alone.”

Lauren nodded in understanding.

“And Lauren?” Doctor Briggs directed the question to the photographer. “And when you’re angry, what do you feel like is the best thing to do?”

“I like to talk things out,” Lauren said. “I don’t like arguing and fighting, and I just feel like the quicker we solve our issues, the better it is for us as a couple.”

Doctor Briggs nodded. “This right here is an example as to what I meant when couples can have different means of communication. Camila would rather be left alone rather than talking things out on you, Lauren because some of the things she might say, may end up hurting your feelings. You both need to understand that as humans, you have different needs, and you feel differently towards things.”

What do you do when someone stops loving?

You let them leave. No matter how much it kills you, how much you want to chase after them, you let them leave.

Because what’s the point of wanting someone who doesn’t want you?

What’s the point of wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want to sit and try to work things out with you?

“So even if it takes an hour, or two, after you’ve calmed down,” Chelsea addressed Camila, “You need to communicate clearly with your partner, to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, resentment or confusion.”

Doctor Briggs went on to list many things to help improve the couple’s communication.

They needed to set aside time to talk without interruption, to their partner about their feelings and misunderstandings.

They needed to think about what they had to say. Not just blurt things out randomly. But it was better to be able to be vocal about what was bothering them and why, and what they wanted to change.

They needed to be clear. so that their partner understands and receives the message accurately. Talk about what is happening and how it’s affecting them.

“A key factor to communication is using the 'I’ statements, such as; 'I want’ or 'I feel’,” the therapist told the couple. “I realised that during today’s session, you both have been using that, therefore it voices your opinions and feelings towards a particular topic.”

When communicating, you need to be aware of your tone of voice. Sometimes your partner may feel as though you’re attacking them if you’re being loud. This may cause them to shut down and not say anything, or they may retaliate and the issue may never get solved.

'Happy wife, happy life’ isn’t an accurate saying. Both of the parties in a relationship feelings should matter. Negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue that you may be having isn’t all that important, or it’s trivial, sometimes the best thing to do is let it go, rather than risk your relationship.

“And most importantly,” Chelsea said in finality. “Avoid using the silent treatment. The only way to work out your differences is by speaking.”

Learn to understand each other rather than defeat each other.

“I want the both of you to face one another,” Doctor Briggs instructed the couple who did as they were told. “We are going to do a little exercise. I want you to look each other in the eyes and say three things you don’t like about each other and three things that you love about each other.”

They seemed a bit skeptical about this but they’ve made huge strides in their relationship, this shouldn’t affect them too badly.

Besides, Camila knew just how annoying she was.

“Camila? Why don’t you start?”

The brunette nodded slowly. “I um..three things I don’t like about you. Hm, hm, hm,” Camila pretended to think. “I don’t like how you leave your car parked in the driveway, and when it’s time for me to get out, it’s hard. You know I can’t drive, Lauren!” The brunette pouted. It had always been a task for the woman to drive and the fact that her wife made it even more difficult for her, annoyed her.

Lauren tried to hide her smirk, but she nodded in understanding nonetheless. “I won’t do it again. I promise.”

“I don’t like how you snore.”

“I don’t snore!” Lauren protested.

Camila rolled her eyes. “Well not every day, but when you come home after spending all day at work you snore. And I don’t like it.”

Her wife sighed heavily. “Okay, I get it.”

“And..I..” Camila seemed a bit hesitant about saying this but she needed to get it off her chest. “I don’t like it when you give in to Izzy. She’s barely five and she has never heard the word 'no’ from you. I get that you love her and I do too, but sometimes Izzy needs to understand that she cannot have everything that she wants.”

Camila tried to look away but Lauren held her face in place to look at her. “I understand where you’re coming from, Camz. It’s just, I want to keep her happy and I feel like giving her whatever she wants will make her happy.”

“I know that, but we’re not trying to spoil her and make her think that this is how life is,” Camila said. “She’s going to have everything that she needs, but she can’t get everything that she wants.”

Doctor Briggs then instructed Lauren to go ahead with what she dislikes about her wife.

“I don’t like how you’re so…” Lauren made random hand gestures. “Messy. You leave things in the worst possible places and I always find myself tripping over your shoes. Or when I go to the bathroom, you have your makeup scattered on the counters. It’s annoying.”

Camila sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. “Now see, if we had a maid, you wouldn’t have been complaining because she would’ve been cleaning up after me!”

What a child.

“Then for you to accuse me of fucking the maid?” Lauren scoffed.

“Well I’d hire an ugly, old maid!” Camila retorted.

Lauren shook her head and laughed. “You’re something else, Camz.” Her wife smiled playfully at her. “I don’t like how you are when you’re on tour. You just I don’t know…disappear on me and text back hours later,” she mumbled. “I know you’re busy and I understand that, but I can’t help but feel ignored and abandoned when you do that. I just think that it’ll calm my thoughts if you just told me that you were going to be busy.”

Once Camila saw the sadness in her wife’s eyes, she regretted just randomly leaving without telling her. There was always a fear that Camila was going to leave her, and Lauren’s insecurities always got the better of her.

“I understand, baby,” Camila caressed her wife’s cheek. “I promise, I’ll let you know when I get busy and not just leave you in the dark.”

Doctor Briggs interrupted the couple to ask a question. “Lauren, would you trust your partner if she doesn’t remain in contact with you? And vice versa, Camila?”

The couple didn’t take any lengthy period to answer the question. They trust each other, but the issue is that, they’ll end up missing each other. Talking 24/7 when you’re busy is difficult, but as long as there’s trust and communication going on in the relationship, there won’t be any issues.

“Lastly, I dislike how hard you are on yourself when it comes to you being Izzy’s mother,” Lauren looked Camila in the eyes. “You’re not a horrible mother. Maybe you just needed some help and to spend sometime with Izzy and to develop a bond, but you’re not a bad mother. Izzy loves you so much, I hope you know that.”

Doctor Briggs made the occasional note about the couple, and if they had been truthful, the couple didn’t necessarily dislike anything that bad about each other.

“Now, Camila, why don’t you tell Lauren three things you love her?”

Camila smiled fondly at her wife. There were so many things that she loved about the woman before her, and only choosing three things about her, was going to prove to be a task.

“I love how much you love me,” the brunette told her wife. “I love how even when I feel like it’s impossible to love me, you’re right there loving me nonetheless.”

There isn’t anything on this planet that Lauren wouldn’t have done for Camila.

“I love how you’re driven. I love how passionate you get about something that inspires you. I love how you’re vocal about the many injustices that people face on a day to day basis and you portray it in your work.”

Camila would choose Lauren over anyone.

“Lastly, I love how much you make me love life,” Camila said. “I love how when I’m with you, watching paint dry can be so fucking entertaining.” This caused Lauren to laugh because they had done this one day when they repainted Izzy’s bedroom. They sat on the floor, passing a bottle of wine back and forth, watching the paint dry.

“And Lauren?” Doctor Briggs instructed for the photographer to tell her wife what she loves about her.

Lauren smiled. “I love how you’re passionate about your music. I know these past few months or even years, I made you believe that I wasn’t your biggest fan, but my god, Camila, your music is amazing. Whenever anyone listens to it, they can feel just about every ounce of emotion that you pour into it.”

To Lauren, Camila was worth finding. Worth knowing. She was worth loving.

“I love how you interact with Izzy. I love how you’re so concerned about her feelings that you won’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

It brought Lauren back to their last Halloween when Camila wanted to visit a haunted house with her family, but when she saw the fear on her daughter’s face she decided against it.

And that was just one out of many times Camila decided against hurting her daughter’s feelings. She had something planned that she wanted to do for Izzy, to bring her into 'her world’ but it was a secret for now.

“And lastly, mi vida, I love how you never cease to make a smile grace my lips,” Camila looked away from her wife for a moment smiling to herself. Lauren gently turned her head back so she can gaze into Camila’s beautiful brown eyes. “I love how my only truest form of happiness can come from you.”

Do not fall in love with someone who doesn’t cherish the smallest parts of you. Because that’s what makes you…you. And if they can’t love that, do they even love you at all?

I know that sometimes things get hard and it seems as though the person never truly loved you to begin with, but true love never leaves. It might get lost temporarily but it never leaves. Lost in confusion, pride and misunderstandings but being lost doesn’t mean it’s the end.

Sometimes love needs to take a step back to breathe before it finds its way back home again.

Doctor Briggs clasped her hands together happily. As the couple pulled away from a hug, the emotions being on an all time high after what had been said. “Before the session ends, I have an assignment for the both of you. Date night. Each of you have to plan a romantic date for your partner. I don’t care how it’s done, where or when; it has to be between now and our next session three weeks from now.”

The couple nodded. Camila internally fist pumped because she had been  planning something special for them to do as a family.

“You can go all out or do something sweet and simple,” Doctor Briggs placed her clipboard on the table and stood. “It’s all up to you.”

*** Wattpad: Commander_Camren

[teudoongievibes]

Camren Goggles™ on: “Consequences”

Hola sweets! Here’s my first lyrics analyze/theory post of the album “CAMILA” - I’m starting by my favorite song of the album “Consequences”, because I had a lot to say about it, because it spoke to my Camren heart like no other song ever did, and I think the structure and the lyrics of this song are pure genius. 

If you happen to notice the name of my tumblr then you might have understood that those theories are gonna be referencing Camren. If you don’t believe in Camren, or are not familiar with it, then some part of this theory might not resonate with you, and before you go messaging me about how much you don’t agree with everything I wrote, let me tell you that I don’t care much about what you have to say. I’m completely open to discuss and debate with people who are part of the Camren fandom, but anyone who feels like trying to change my mind about whether or not Camren was real or feel the need to insult me anonymously, I won’t waste my time on, so I suggest you don’t waste yours. 

Now that that’s clear, let’s get this Camren party started!

Disclaimer : all that I wrote is pure theory based on my personal delulu thoughts, many other interpretations can be made of the song

“Consequences”

Dirty tissues, trust issues Glasses on the sink, they didn’t fix you Lonely pillows in a stranger’s bed Little voices in my head Secret keeping, stop the bleeding Lost a little weight because I wasn’t eating All the souls that I can’t listen to, to tell the truth

Alright, first verse, obviously Camila isn’t telling a fairytale, we understand real quick that it’s about a relationship that went downhill *cue Camren tears*

This very first verse is very interesting, a lot to say there, so I’ll give my thoughts sentence by sentence for this one.

“Dirty tissues, trust issues”  

To me this very first sentence is already making me think that she’s talking about a relationship that lasted a while. There’s history there, and apparently an accumulation of problems.

“Glasses on the sink, they didn’t fix you“ 

Okay the way I interpret that sentence is that glasses are supposed to make you see things differently, they usually make you see better, clearer. Maybe what Camila is trying to say here is that even though that person tried to see things differently and have a different perspective, it still wasn’t enough to fix whatever problem they had or how they were feeling about certain things, and most importantly themselves - that can be emphasized by the fact that the glasses are on the sink, what do you have usually above a sink? A mirror.  

If you translate it in Camren theory, and that Camila is talking about Lauren, then maybe it’s about the fact that even if Lauren wanted to see the world as a better place, where coming out would be a positive thing to change the world even just a little bit for the better, it still wasn’t enough to fix her insecurities and quiet her fears.

Update : someone pointed out that the glasses could also be empty glasses from drinking alcohol. And that’s also definitely a possibility, depending if you imagine a kitchen or a bathroom I guess 😂

Update to the update : I’ve seen that a lot of you see the glasses as drinking glasses because you think that somehow Lauren is an heavy drinker. I personally never saw Lauren that way, especially if we take in the fact that this song would be about events that happened more than 3 years ago, not yesterday. Back then she was barely 17, and although I know very well that being in the industry alcohol and drugs are around no matter if you’re of legal age or not, I have a hard time believing that while being on a tour, having rehearsal,  and living with 4 other girls plus having the management team always with them Lauren could have develop an heavy addiction. I’m not saying that she wasn’t drinking from time to time like any person of her age, but I don’t think she was an heavy drinker.

I understand that since we see Lauren partying a lot more nowadays (she did turn 21), it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that this could be about alcohol, but I’ll tell you why for me it wasn’t the first thing that came to mind. 

First thing that threw me off is the preposition “on”, had it been “glasses in the sink” there would be no doubt as to what kind of glasses she’s talking about, but “glasses on the sink” let’s the interpretation open. Also I personally always take off my eyeglasses when I’m washing my face or brushing my teeth so that’s the first thing that popped into my head 😂

The other thing that stopped me from associating it directly to alcohol is the word “fix” - usually you drink because you either want to numb yourself or liberate yourself, but I don’t really see people drinking to “fix” something, maybe if you think of it as liquid courage which somehow could make you stronger or fearless, but still the word “fix” here seems a bit odd to me. Whereas eyeglasses by definition are meant to fix your eyesight. 

I don’t know, even if the reference to alcohol is definitely a huge possibility, I like the eyeglasses theory better, trying to fix what’s wrong by changing your perspective on life, that’s a lot more poetic don’t you think? 😊

“Lonely pillows in a stranger’s bed”

Two different ways for me to interpret this, either the “stranger’s bed” is referencing to an hotel bed, which will never be your bed, and by definition will always be shared with strangers. In Camren theory she could be referencing being on tour, and feeling lonely, maybe because Lauren couldn’t or wouldn’t share a room with her for fear of being discovered.

Or, the stranger in question is the lover she’s talking to, Lauren if you will, and the relationship has gone so bad that it feels like she doesn’t know them anymore -  “Lonely pillows” could refer to the fact that this other person already left the bed, leaving Camila alone. Which for me makes a lot more sense.

“Little voices in my head“

This is a pretty classic image to illustrate internal conflict - those voices could be telling her anything and everything. I’ll let you use your wonderful delulu imagination on this one. 

“Secret keeping, stop the bleeding“

It’s not the first time that the theme of secrecy comes up in one of Camila’s songs. Obviously it fits perfectly any Camren theory you could have. 

Again, “stop the bleeding” makes me think about something that has been hurting her for a long time, about a wound that won’t stop bleeding. The fact that she associated those two particular themes in the same sentence is interesting - is the secrecy what’s making her bleed? And if she’s addressing the person directly then is she asking them to stop that bleeding by ending all the secrets ? 

“Lost a little weight because I wasn’t eating“

Proof that this relationship really fucked her up, cause the creator of the Volcano Rooster wouldn’t pass up on a good banana unless she really felt bad.

“All the souls that I can’t listen to, to tell the truth“

There are different ways to interpret this particular sentence, but for me the “souls” are the people who always encouraged her to be herself and potentially to come out - people that encouraged her to tell the truth and that given the situation she was in, she couldn’t listen to. Again Camila is still in the theme of truth, lies, secrecy, honesty, and obviously having some kind of internal conflict about wanting to be honest but at the same not being able to because of the other person in the relationship. Well this perfectly fits in my Camren theory that Camila wanted to come out but Lauren was too afraid to. 

Then comes the chorus that fucks me up so good.

Loving you was young, and wild, and free Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound A steady place to let down my defenses But loving you had consequences

Those lyrics are pretty self-explanatory, Camila lays out how amazing it feels to be in love and the thrill of it. The fact that she uses the words “steady place” may refer to the fact that the relationship was something of a constant, a place that was safe for her - that would be the case if the relationship in question started out as a friendship. 

She ends the chorus with the title of the song, now we all know that loving Lauren had and could have had many many consequences on both of their lives. It had consequences on their friendship, it had consequences on the way the fandom perceived them, it had consequences on the dynamic of the group probably, it could have had huge consequences on their careers and basically their whole lives if they ever did came out or were discovered back then, and of course the biggest consequence was that it changed Camila forever and left her with a lot of scars.

Hesitation, awkward conversation Running on low expectation Every siren that I was ignoring I’m paying for it

Second verse, you can tell that it’s constructed the same way as the first one, and she’s basically telling us how slowly the relationship deteriorated. That all the things that she enumerated in the first verse led to this, that those are also the consequences of the secrecy, the trust issues and all the problems they accumulated.

“Hesitation, awkward conversation“

This sentence might be about the fact that she didn’t know how to act around this person anymore, that what used to be something natural is now something that she hesitates on. You know when you fight a lot with someone and you end up being scared of actually talking because you’re afraid that it’s gonna end up in another fight, so you end up talking about neutral stuff or not talking at all? This is what this sentence makes me think of.

And we all know there was a period of time where things were really awkward and tense with Camren, when they would stand 100 meters apart in photos, and didn’t even really look or talk to each other on camera.

“Running on low expectation“

She’s not expecting anything much from the relationship anymore, she’s not hoping that things will change, because she’s tired of being let down.

“Every siren that I was ignoring I’m paying for it”

She knew that things were gonna get worse but she chose to ignore all the signs, she chose to stay with that person up to that point, and now she has to suffer the consequences. It’s the first time Camila uses the present tense, implying that she’s still paying for it to this day.

If I think in Camren mode, this could also be referring to the fact that she also a lost friend, that the price to pay for risking this romantic relationship is her friendship with Lauren.

Loving you was young, and wild, and free Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound A steady place to let down my defenses But loving you had consequences

Once again the same chorus, she’s still reminiscing, until she says “no” in the next part.  No, ooh-ooh-ooh Said no, ooh-ooh-ooh I, no, ooh-ooh-ooh, mhm

I guess the relationship got to a point where she had to say no, no more of this. Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap Loving you still takes shots at me Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured And I lost so much more than my senses ‘Cause loving you had consequences

The last chorus is obviously the breaking point of the song, when she finally let’s go of the idealistic image of that love story to tell us that sometimes even the most beautiful connection you can share with someone can deteriorate and turn bad. 

The parallels with the first two chorus is pure genius. Let’s associate the words shall we? 

young//dumb - usually youth comes with immaturity, impulsiveness, you go right in without thinking, that’s the beauty and the dangerousness of it.

wild//dark - I associate being wild with thrill, and somehow having a secret and taking the risk of being together, of being discovered, can be a bit of a thrill at the beginning of the relationship, but then comes a time when the secrecy becomes a burden more than anything else. The fact that she used the word “dark” emphasize even more that theme, it has the double meaning of “being in the dark” as in being lost and “being in the dark” as in being hidden and having to stay in the shadows. 

free//cheap - this one is my favorite parallel. On one side you have freedom, a feeling you can embrace when you finally let yourself fall in love, let go of your fears, when you’re finally accepting your feelings for the other person - and if we’re thinking Camren then also finally the freedom to be completely yourself with someone, and finally begin to accept a part of yourself that might have been hard to deal with. And then on the other end the word “cheap”, what a harsh and yet so meaningful word to use there. The definition of cheap is this one : “of little worth because achieved in a discreditable way requiring little effort.” Basically any relationship can be beautiful and intense and full of love, but if you don’t put in the effort, if you don’t put in the work to make it sustain and last, then it slowly loses its value and becomes something cheap. 

Camila Cabello, you’re a godamn good lyricist.

“Loving you still takes shots at me”

Here Camila uses present tense for the second time in the song, again to tell us that even this relationship might be over, she’s not yet over it. The fact that she uses the word “shots” makes it feel like something almost violent, like a bullet in the heart. But “taking shots” can also refer to a verbal attack, if we go into Camren theorizing she could be talking about the part of the fandom that is still constantly coming at her about Lauren.

“Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured”

Pretty self-explanatory, not all good things last.

“And I lost so much more than my senses”

I’ll put that sentence in parallel with the first chorus “A steady place to let down my defenses”

There she illustrates amazingly how her perception of that person changed over time. The relationship used to be a safe and steady place where she felt secured but then it ended up making her lose all her senses. Different ways to interpret the word “senses”, she could be talking about the 5 senses, and without them you would be completely lost and in the dark, and she could also be referring to losing her mind. 

The fact that she says she “lost so much more” could again refer to the fact that she lost a friend. And that would be confirmed by the next sentence:

‘Cause loving you had consequences

Because I loved you, I lost you. That’s the consequence. Other possibilities would be that she lost other things, I don’t know, her confidence, her trusting abilities, her hopefulness… it’s up to interpretation.

Loving you

The song ends on those two words, I find it interesting that she chose not to put any tense there, letting open the idea that she might still love this person…

Alright that’s it sweets, my first analyze/theory of the album. I hope it wasn’t too much of a drag to read 😅  But I guess if you read that far then you made it through! I’ll add one more time that all of this is just pure personal theory and that there are many other interpretations of the song, which I think is what Camila wanted. 

Tune in soon for the next Camren googles™ lyrics theory : All These Years

I’ll end this post by saying that Camila is a fucking amazing songwriter, and that’s the gospel truth.