#seriously though for some reason i read that ask aloud and i have a horrible terrible obnoxious and frankly belligerent laugh

[boringwomanwithabook]

I think when God said "on the 7th day they wore white crop top with visible nipples and it was good" yeah that was about You

lmao that guy would have nothing good to say about me.. but you made me lol, so I humbly submit for *proof* that it is nothing to write home about

[plzu]

Larged Iced Americano - (Adrian Chase/Vigilante x f!barista!Reader) (pre-show timeline)

me? writing tame-ass adrian chase fic???? oh, i've got it bad. this is, idk, too plain to be considered fluff imo but it's SFW and kinda silly and was really fun to write

Summary: Adrian needs a pick-me-up before he can scout the night as Vigilante. The barista in the new coffee shop is someone he hasn't seen since high school.

Warnings: brief mention of bullying, brief mention of canon-typical violence, customer (adrian) showing up right before close 🙄, no Y/N

Word Count: 2.1k

part two ☕️

Your fingers thrum against the countertop as you wait, glassy-eyed, for the customer to order something. Anything. You don’t mean to be rude, really, but it’s five minutes ‘till close and you’re the only one left. You let the last of one of your baristas go home early out of the kindness of your heart (they’re just a kid, was your sympathetic reasoning after this shitshow of a short-staffed day). Besides, as a supervisor, you allow yourself some leeway in letting the customer service act drop at 9:55 PM. Not like this guy seems to notice your impatience, anyway. He’s still agonizing over the menu overhead.

“Sorry,” he mutters, pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I never know what to get. I mean, I usually go for Red Bulls, but when I saw this coffee shop opened up just down the street from my job, I thought I’d try something new, support a small business, you know? But I’m not really a big coffee drinker.” His brow furrows. “What’s something strong that’ll help me stay awake?”

“I dunno, cocaine?” you shrug.

His attention is abruptly torn away from the menu as he looks down at you, face baffled and lips pressed together disapprovingly. “Uh, no, that’s illegal.”

You blink, thrumming fingers coming to a halt. Is this guy serious? You're tired and mentally clocked-out already, so when your eyes meet his green ones, you can’t help the amused grin that slowly spreads across your face.

“Oh. You were joking,” he realizes. “Ha-ha! Yeah, no, totally. Recommending hard drugs. Hilarious!” he exclaims, a bit too loudly, forcing out a laugh; you bite back one of your own, eyes gleaming.

There’s something familiar about the bark of his laughter, and the slope of his neck. Your head lolls to the side in lazy curiosity. Finally, you offer him a life line. “Seriously, anything with lots of espresso will probably keep you up. Some of our more… intense customers get large iced Americanos with extra shots.” You pause. “Doesn’t taste very good, though, just FYI.”

“Okay, yes, I’ll have that. One large iced Americano, with extra shots. Please and thank you.”

“How many?”

“Uh, just the one, please?”

You swallow the laughter bubbling in your chest. “How many extra shots? A large iced usually comes with five.”

“Five? Jeez, that can’t be good for anyone.” He pauses as he pulls out his wallet from his back pocket, re-considering. He tsks and shrugs before muttering, “Fuck it, I could really use the caffeine tonight. Uh, your choice. Chef’s recommendation. Hit me with your best shot.”

Your lips quirk up at the seemingly unintended pun and horrible misuse of the word ‘chef’ in this scenario. You ring this quirky, clueless man up for one large iced Americano. Taking mercy on him, you don’t charge for the extra shots. Mainly because you haven’t decided yet how many you were going to ruin his night with.

Sharpie in one hand, clear plastic cup in the other, you’re about to ask for his name (unnecessarily, you know; he’s the only one here but you secretly delight in writing down the names) when he interrupts:

“Wait, I know you.” He glances down at the name tag pinned to your beige apron, and reads it aloud. “We went to high school together. You were weird and loud and always laughing. You- you probably don’t remember me.” He doesn’t sound hurt by the thought, though, just very matter-of-fact. A man accustomed to the idea of having once been unremarkable.

For a second you’re dismayed at being recognized. (You don’t want anyone in this shitty town to remember you; you were never supposed to come back.) But then it clicks. The cadence of his voice, the soft brown curls, the overall awkward mannerisms. Adrian Chase. Of course you remember him. Everyone around him knew him as Gut Chase’s younger brother. But you were new to Evergreen, so he was just Adrian to you.

He was wiry back then. A social pariah for a majority of high school; he laughed a beat too late at jokes. He made his own jokes, except they never quite landed, because they never made sense. It made him feel off, so most of the students steered clear of him (especially the ones that knew him growing up). The only times he made some dudebros laugh were when he parroted the same tasteless dick jokes they did, or said something weird about some poor girl’s mother once and they snickered when she ran off, crying. There came that delayed smile, satisfied at being briefly accepted, but Adrian was confused, too; you saw it in his eyes for the brief moment you glared at him from across the cafeteria.

He made you laugh, though, once (that he knew of). Without even trying, so it confused him when some passing observation he made was met with a bark of laughter. Wide-eyed with surprise, he sought the source and found you, grinning with mirth and wow, he made a girl laugh? Like, really laugh, without the scathing bite of meanness?

But wait wait wait, he just called you weird?

“No, I remember you. Adrian, right?” you say. You already wrote his name on the cup.

He visibly perks up; the smile that appears on his face practically glows. “Yeah!”

You come around the counter after getting the shots of espresso ready so you can lock the door. Not wanting another customer to come in after hours. Adrian’s gaze follows you the entire time. “You got taller,” you comment.

“You didn’t!”

It makes you cackle -- head thrown back and everything -- because it wasn’t mean or teasing. You’re older now, more patient and understanding and you get that Adrian wasn’t quite good with social cues and sometimes, when he says things, it can be misconstrued as purposely rude and thoughtless.

This was just really funny.

He laughs along with you (again, a bit delayed, a tad too sharp). You miss the wonder in his eyes as he watches you go back behind the counter to finish up his drink.

“So, what’re you doing back in Evergreen?” he asks. “I thought you left for good.”

Your back is turned to him, so he doesn’t catch the smile slip from your face. “Yeah. Me too.”

You don’t want to tell him the truth. You don’t want to tell him that your dreams fell through, that you needed the support of your family again. Not because you were embarrassed or anything (I mean, you are, but Adrian’s probably the last person you’d be embarrassed to tell), but because talking about it twists your stomach into furious knots and makes your eyes sting. Because admitting it out loud opens up a chasm in your chest where your passion used to be. The emptiness hurts.

You pop the lid onto his drink and turn to hand it to him. “What about you?” you ask, hoping he doesn’t notice or care that you didn’t answer his question. “You ever leave this place?”

Adrian takes the drink and the straw you slide to him from across the counter. “Nah.”

“Don’t you want to?”

He shrugs and stabs his straw through the lid. “Not really. I’ve got important stuff to do here.”

“Oh really? What do you do?”

“Uh,” he pauses, a brief flash of panic in his eyes. “I work at Fennel Fields.”

“Mm.” Your eyebrows raise. “Right. So… are you a manager there, or..?”

“Busboy, actually.” He adjusts his glasses before adamantly making eye contact with you again and continuing, super convincingly: “Which is super important. Someone has to clear out the tables so that the next customers have a clean place to sit. No one wants to eat at a, a messy table, you know? I’m like the backbone of the restaurant, really. They need me.”

Amusement and skepticism threaten to stumble from your mouth, so you pull your bottom lip between your teeth to suppress everything, give yourself time to choose your next words carefully so you don’t come off disrespectfully. You end up landing on, “for sure, for sure.”

He finally takes a sip of his Americano and his face contorts with disgust. “Wow, that’s bitter.”

You bite back an amused snort. “Yeah, man, it’s literally just water and espresso.” There was enough espresso to keep him up until sunrise, you think.

“That’s what an Americano is? People drink this shit willingly?”

“I fucking- I warned you!” you laughed. “Just- give it here,” you snatch the drink back from him and pop open the lid again, rolling your eyes. “You want sugar or a flavored syrup?”

Adrian ‘oohs!’ at the mention of flavored syrup.

“Alright, syrup it is. Vanilla, caramel, mocha, hazelnut… pick your poison.”

He picks caramel, delightedly; you begin to wonder if he even really needs the caffeine after all, he’s so damn chipper.

You add the 6 pumps of caramel, re-lid the drink and swirl the cup around to disperse the flavor amongst the ice and liquid. When you turn back around, you see Adrian leaning his long frame over the counter. “Ooh, ooh, can you also do that caramel drizzle stuff like Starbucks does?” He’s eyeing the squeeze bottles of the dark caramel sauce with the excited longing of a kid in a candy shop.

“No,” you say, placing a hand on his face to shove him back to the customer side of the counter. “Your drink’s already done, Adrian, and there’s already things in here I haven’t even charged you for. I’m not adding anymore shit to your drink, dude.”

“Not cool,” he grumbles, fixing his glasses. He takes his drink back with a pout.

You walk back around the counter so you can unlock the door for him. “Alright, it’s been fun catching up but you’re kinda keeping me from going home, so before you suck me into whatever demented all-nighter you’re trying to pull, please leave.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be one of those customers. I know how much it sucks.”

You say bye to each other at the door. It’s the closest you’ve ever been to him, you think. You take in the breadth of his shoulders and try to ignore the warmth that blooms in your cheeks. He’s filled out . . . nicely.

There was a seamlessness in your back-and-forth tonight that made Adrian walk out the door backwards, still too drawn to you to fully turn away. Talking with you has been remarkably easy. Maybe your customer service skills were just stellar, except, stellar customer service doesn’t usually consist of offering people illegal drugs and placing your hands on a customer’s face to push them. (Your hand smelled unsurprisingly like coffee and sugar. He can taste it on his lips.) And also, you smiled at him and laughed, and it was too vibrant to be fake.

He wonders, idly, if you have a boyfriend.

“Thanks for the drink!” he calls out as he watches you lock the door. He stumbles, still walking backwards, and it’s worth it to see your laugh fog up the glass.

*****

Dawn is just beginning to cusp when Adrian makes it back to his car, chest heaving with exertion, still dressed head to toe in his Vigilante suit. There’s a couple of slashes here and there in the cloth of his torso, but none of the knives cut deep enough to wound. He successfully intercepted the heroin shipment, slaughtered everyone in the warehouse, and left the drugs for the cops to find and deal with.

The drink you made him put an extra pep in his step tonight. There’s always a rush of adrenaline he gets once he’s Vigilante. But your large iced Americano with extra shots made him feel like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He maybe even babbled more than usual while he was slicing through criminals’ throats.

It was a fucking thrill, nearly-perfect; if only Peacemaker were around to share in the victory.

He’s driving back home, mask off, suit partially disassembled. Glasses intact on his face. The mellow blue light of morning filters into his car. He’s thirsty, he realizes, and instinctively goes for the plastic cup that rests in the cupholder. It was the Americano from last night -- now empty but for the melted ice. He sips the murky liquid and doesn’t care that it just tastes like watered down caramel now, it’s still kind of cold, at least -- and then he notices his name is written on it.

You wrote down his name. Your handwriting’s cute.

You… dotted the ‘i’ with a heart.

A grin grows fondly on his face. Adrian will have to go back and visit. Maybe learn to become a coffee person. Supporting small businesses is important, after all.

He never throws away the cup.

[dyns33]

Candles

Flufftober 3 - Adam x Eve x Reader 

           "No... No no no !"

It looked like someone was dead. It was kind of the case, in a sense, even though it was a machine, and Adam could fix it when he got the right parts.

But in the meantime, the generator he had developed thanks to the work of his dear friend Tesla had broken down, and as a result there was no electricity in the house.

Adam couldn't record his music anymore, Eve couldn't watch television, and Y/N, who wasn't yet a vampire, bumped all over the place whenever she tried to go in another room.

It was therefore necessary to light candles, despite the reluctance of the vampires.

           "There are a lot of books and other things that could burn." Adam muttered.

           "I'm not going to burn the house down."

           "We know that, darling." Eve reassured her. "It's just that the smell of candles is not very pleasant."

           "... I can buy scented ones if you want."

           "It would be worse. Don't."

           "Or just vanilla ones darling."

The atmosphere might have seemed a little dismal when they were done, the candle flames dancing as soon as they walked in and creating eerie shadows on the walls, but once they were settled on the sofa, surrounded by a plaid because the heat was off and the cold bodies of the vampires were certainly not going to be enough to warm their little human, Eve began to read poems aloud while Adam cuddled Y/N, it was not that bad after all.

           "It's even a little romantic." Y/N said, looking around the room.

           "It reminds me of an old time. Without all this horrible technology. Things were both simpler and more complicated then."

           "Things were mostly better." Adam cursed, still terribly nostalgic for the past.

           "I don't know if you can say that. Yes, some things were better. But there have also been improvements. And for everything you hate now, it's the same, baby. There will be more changes, good changes."

           "It was still better before." repeated the sulky vampire.

           "When I wasn't there."

It wasn't what he meant, Y/N knew that, but she couldn't help and asked the question. Eve stroked her neck without saying anything. Adam rested his head on hers, silent too, seriously thinking about what she had just said.

Adam always remembered the romantic and beautiful sides of the past. The beauty of art, major scientific discoveries, politeness, respect, the connection with nature, things, people.

Then he remembered he was a man. It had of course been wonderful for him, who had no reason to be afraid. This was his moment. But it was always men's moment.

He remembered his sweet Eve, a creature from another time, who tried to walk proudly among them, while having to hide. To be as free as possible, as at the dawn of humanity, and yet having to be careful to not attract attention.

For that, she couldn't  show her intelligence. She couldn't dress the way she wanted. She couldn't untie her hair and dance in the middle of the street. He had surprised her one evening when everyone else was asleep and he had been unable to move in front of such a spectacle. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his entire human life.

Fortunately Eve had not been upset by this accidental voyeurism. She had also felt that Adam was different, that he didn't care at all, that he even admired her for her madness and her zest for life. So she had taken him.

Y/N would have hated that time. Adam would have hated to see her during that time, insulted and belittled by these ignorant, vulgar and mean zombies, preventing her from being herself, preventing her from being happy. He would have killed them all for that.

           "You're right." he finally said. "It's a lot better now. And it'll probably be even better later, as long as we're all together."

           "It's the first time our baby recognizes it. It's a special night ! You were right about the romance darling." Eve laughed before kissing her, then kissing Adam.

They could have gone further, but the vampires suddenly sniffed the air, wincing, before leaping off the couch.

           "Fire !"

           "The curtain !"

Despite the panic, they were fast enough to fetch two buckets of water and the start of the fire was stopped. Fortunately there were buckets easily findable in the mess of the house.

To make sure there was no more risk, Y/N brought in a third bucket, but she wasn't as skilled as the vampires, so she didn't aim very well and hosed down Adam. There was a long silence, before Eve started laughing, making them all forget about the fire accident.

Before taking out his clothes to hang out to dry, Adam ran after Y/N to hold her and get her as wet as he was.

This decision was regretted when Eve reminded them that they had no more heating or hot water. They didn't want their darling to get sick. So, in their pajamas, they went to snuggle up in the bed, putting out all the candles except the ones in the bedroom, so that they could continue reading a bit before sleeping.

Being very careful, Adam jumped out of bed when Eve was already asleep, and Y/N was starting to doze off. The little human groaned, but he blew out the last candles to make sure they wouldn't risk anything while they slept, before coming back to snuggle up to his two lovers in the dark.

[munsonboy]

Do you have any headcanons abt a tiny begging Loki to go outside and explore and Loki keeps saying “no you’re too small something could happen.” So they never go outside anymore and stay with Loki until one day the tiny is really down and depressed and Loki finally allows them to go outside with him and the whole time he’s so worried something will happen to them (like he can’t even see them in the grass when he lets them walk on their own so he’s esp nervous then) but the tiny is just so happy to be outside and feel the sun on their face!

I know it’s kinda specific but I really enjoy reading this type of stuff

The amount of fluff that this concept has-...🥺🥺

Also, instead of head canons, I wrote a long story!😆Enjoy!😁❤️

______________________________________________

~Outside These Walls~

“Loki please! I don’t understand what the big deal is!”, you exclaimed as you sat cupped in the hands of the God of Mischief himself, Loki.

“My little dove, you know why I can’t let you leave the safety of my room”, said Loki. He saw that you were about to argue back with him, so he gently placed his fingertip over your mouth and quickly said, “The outside world is cruel. I am merely protecting you from it.” You pushed his finger off of your face, earning a chuckle out of Loki. He set you down on his shoulder, opening a book and reading aloud to you. He hoped it would distract your mind away from wanting to leave the safety that the indoors had to offer.

You sighed. ‘I’m never going to get through to him’, you thought as you tucked your knees close to your chest.

Ever since you were caught by Loki about 1 month ago, he has slowly been shying away from the idea of you going outside. He even didn’t like you climbing down the bookshelves that covered the walls in his room or his nightstand anymore!

Unbeknownst to Loki, however, you used to live outside a while before you made your way into the Avengers Tower! Climbing trees, sheltering underneath the petals of flowers so that you wouldn’t get hit by a raindrop as water poured from the sky, using sticks as a defense mechanism to protect yourself—-if only he knew the predicaments you’ve gotten yourself into in Central Park. You felt as if your independence was being eaten up slowly and you had no idea what to do about it. You felt powerless.

———— 4 days later ————

Loki had made his point clear by ending any conversation that you tried starting with him where you mentioned going outside. He was not about to make the biggest mistake of his life. How could he let someone as small as you wander out into the wilderness? That’s a death wish at best, not an enjoyable, well spent afternoon.

At the moment, Loki was sitting at his desk going through a few mission files the Avengers had planned for him. He would rather be doing anything else than sitting at this run down desk looking at what was going to ruin his schedule in the next couple of weeks.

Loki had tried to get you to help him, but, you kindly declined and took a seat up against the floor-to-ceiling window in the room. This hurt Loki’s feelings immensely. You had never been one to not want to hang out with Loki. In fact, he would consider you the most clingiest person he had ever met, especially after the first time he had caught you roaming around his room. You always wanted him around.

As Loki tried to focus on the files in front of him, he couldn’t help but get distracted and glance over at your spot on the floor. Ever since you had asked Loki to take you outside a few days ago and he had refused to take you outdoors, you seemed...off.

He had offered his hand for you to climb on last night so that he could read to you, but instead of the happy, little mortal he’s grown attached to, he saw this new personality that overtook your joy——a more depressed attitude that Loki had never seen come out of you before.

You normally would bounce up and down with joy whenever he wanted to pick you up, but lately you’ve been acting like a completely new person. Your usual mood that would always brighten up Loki’s miserable one was fading slightly, and Loki did not like it at all. He knew why you were acting this way, but he denied the thought and just came to terms with himself that you weren’t feeling well.

You were looking out the window, staring intently at what stood on the other side of the glass—Central Park. Oh how you wish you could just be outside again.

“Small one? Can you please step away from the window? I can’t bear to see you so close to the outdoors. You’re only separated from it by a 2 inch thick piece of glass”, stated Loki.

You couldn’t believe what you just heard.

“I can’t even look out of a window now?”, you asked. You expected him to answer your question right away, but he stayed silent. You couldn’t take this no longer. You stood up and marched your way over to his bed. After having some trouble getting to the top, you finally made it. You walked over towards the other side of the mattress, eyes locked on the desk beside it where Loki sat hunched over.

“Loki, are you seriously not gonna let me even look outside? You know I can’t stay inside for the rest of my life, right?”, you questioned.

“Well of course you can. You can stay inside where you’re safe with me”, he said like it was a fact. Were you really going to be stuck inside forever?

“W-Why won’t you let me go outside?”, you asked.

You were on the verge of breaking down into tears. You absolutely love Loki to death, You admire his mischievous ways, as well as the softer side you somehow manage to bring out of him, but with his recent possessiveness that he’s been showing towards you, you realized how worrisome it’s been getting.

Loki stayed silent, focusing on the files in front of him and biting his lip in order to prevent himself from responding. Y/n couldn’t hold back anymore.

“I need to go outside at some point in my life! Where do you think I used to live before I met you?”, she exclaimed.

“Child, you are to stay here, in my room, with me where you are safe. You will not utter a single word about the outdoors, understand?!”, yelled Loki.

Loki visibly saw you flinch and instantly felt guilty. Instead of fearing him, though, you decided to fight back.

“You were never this overprotective before. D-Do you not see my as your friend? I am just another mortal that you want to have full control over? Why do you keep me here locked up in your room like I’m some sort of pet?!”, she yelled.

“Because I can’t lose you!”, exclaimed Loki. He put his hands on top of his head and got up from his seat. He began to pace around the room. Irritation and frustration filling his mind with each step he took. He couldn’t believe that you thought of yourself as some caged up animal. You were his equal, his friend, family even! He never meant for you to feel that way.

“Forgive me, I-...I-I don’t know why-..I just-...”, Loki had trouble thinking about what he should say to you after his outburst. He had never yelled at you like that before, and right now, he felt awful.

You sensed the guilt that he was feeling because he couldn’t even bring himself to look at you.

“Loki—-please, calm down. Let’s just talk things through like we always do. Okay?”, asked Y/n calmly.

You had never witnessed Loki in a panicking state. You wished that you were his size so you could wrap your arms around him in a hug.

Loki’s pacing had slowed down. He came to a halt in the middle of the room.

“Loki?”

He turned his head towards you, causing you to gasp. His face was wet with tears. You gasped.

“P-Please don’t cry! Come here, Loki, please..”, you said. Seeing Loki cry started to get you emotional.

Loki walked over towards you and bent down in front of where you stood on his bed. He held his head up with his left hand, while the other rested on the mattress.

He looked down at you as you moved your way closer to him. The tears had come to stop, but you could see them forming in his eyes, ready to overflow and fall down his pale cheeks again.

Without thinking, you went over to his hand and hugged his finger tightly. Loki softly chuckled. He adores how you both have such a tight-knit friendship. He didn’t want anything to come in between that. Humans that are his size stay far away from him, yet, here you were, a small mortal that barely just reached the height of his thumb, comforting him.

He decided to share something with you—-something that he had never opened up about in front of another being before.

“The last time I was extremely close with someone, something horrible happened to them. That person was my mother-..”, Loki stopped dead in his sentence.

You looked up at Loki with astonishment written all over your face. Loki had talked about his mother a few times, but he never showed much emotion whenever he spoke about her.

“I um—-she and I were inseparable. Nothing ever stood between us and the love we had for each other. But-..”, Loki took a moment and exhaled deeply before continuing. “But I was the reason for her death. I had caused it. And ever since you and I had our first encounter, I—-I guess my protective side came out more stronger than I had anticipated it to.”

You had no idea what to say. Loki had never opened up so much to you and this honestly caught you off guard. Normally, you would be the one to cry on Loki’s shoulder, but now the tables have turned. You could see the tears rolling down his face, some even hitting the desk in front of you.

Loki needed someone to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay. Whenever you were in this sort of state, Loki would just hold you close, whispering sweet nothings to you, and it always helped. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head. You knew exactly what to do now.

You walked around Loki’s hand and headed straight for his arm. You managed to get a grip on his leather armor that he wore and clambered your way to top of his arm. You glanced up at Loki.

He was staring at you now with tears glistening his eyes. They were red and looked swollen now, breaking your heart in two.

“L-Loki it’s okay! I-..”

Out of nowhere, you were gently scooped up by Loki’s hand and raised up. You closed your eyes, nervous if you had done something wrong. Suddenly, you were pressed against something firm and warm, but at the same time...soft. You cracked open your eyes and saw that Loki was pressing you against his cheek, his teary eyes closed.

This was new for you. You had never been this up close to Loki’s face. It was massive! You didn’t waste another second and quickly extended your arms out, trying your best to hug Loki back. Since you were pressed close to his cheek, you felt the muscles in Loki’s face move upwards. He was smiling from ear to ear.

As Loki began to break the makeshift hug, he began to speak.

“I cannot be the cause of you getting hurt—or worse. It will never happen under my watch. I shall make sure of it.”

He held you up to his eye level and gently ruffled your hair. He thought about if the next sentence he was about to say was a good idea or not. He sighed.

“I will take you outside, my dear”, said Loki, nervousness evident in his voice.

Your eyes widened. “R-Really?!”, you exclaimed. Loki simply nodded his head, a laugh escaping from him.

“Yes, but I will be keeping a close eye on you little one, alright?”, asked Loki.

You excitedly nodded your head yes and grabbed a hold of his finger to give him another hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!”, you exclaimed.

To you, Loki looked happy, but deep down, he was panicking—-a lot.

————— A few minutes later —————

Loki was a nervous wreck as he walked through Central Park. He had safely tucked you away in his pocket as he strode along the pathway, trying to find a spot that was vacant and far away from the humans that were already there.

“Loki, when can I come out?”, you said as you poked your head out of his pocket. Your eyes widened at the sight of the outdoors——happiness and excitement filled you up.

“Very soon, my little dove. But for now-...”, Loki used his finger to gently push you back down into the safety of his pocket, and couldn’t help but smirk at how adorable your face looked when he did so. “...you must stay hidden. I do not want a single soul, besides myself, to see you.”

After what seemed like forever, Loki finally stumbled upon the perfect spot—-a tree with a bed of flowers planted in the grass beside it.

Loki walked up to the tree and sat down, resting his back up against the rough bark of the trunk. He sighed, knowing that you would be exposed to things ten times your size. Suddenly, the sound of your voice floated up towards Loki’s ears.

“Loki? I-Is the coast clear?”, you nervously asked. Loki was the only giant you had ever interacted with before. You hated that Loki knew how nervous you would get when other giants were around. To this day, Loki still feels bad about the time he attempted to introduce you to Thor. Tears fell down your cheeks, you clung to his shirt, and, as embarrassing as it sounds, you sobbed when Loki suggested that Thor should hold you.

After that incident with Thor, Loki made it his goal to keep you out of sight from the others that lived in the Avengers Tower. If the Avengers had ever found you and caused you to cry, he knows for a fact that he would go ballistic. No one makes his little friend cry.

“Don’t worry, Y/n. There is not one soul around us. I have made sure of it”, said Loki as he tenderly pinched your waist and hoisted you up and out of his pocket. He held you in his palm and allowed you to take in your surroundings for a moment.

“Loki..just look at it out here! It’s amazing!”, you said excitedly. The memories of the days you spent fending for yourself out here in the park all came flooding back to you.

“Can you put me down now Loki?, you said as you turned around to look at him. You jumped up and down in his hand as he held you. You could barely contain the excitement that you were feeling.

Loki gave you an uneasy look. Was this really a good idea? Had he thought this through?

When he saw the smile plastered on your face, however, he couldn’t burst your bubble and say no. You had been cooped up in the Tower now for how long. It was about time you got to experience nature again.

“Just be careful”, said Loki.

You nodded your head. “I will!”

A choppy sigh escaped his lips. “Promise?”, he asked as he brushed his finger tip over your tiny arm. He was scared to let you go.

You looked at him and smiled. “I promise, Loki. I’ll be okay.”

He paused for a moment. “Alright...I’ll take your word for it.” Loki lowered you down to the ground below.

You practically jumped off of his palm when it got close enough to the ground. You started to run around in the grass, laughing away. It was just about your height!

As Loki sat there against the tree, he took notice of how tense he became once you weren’t in his grip anymore. He thought he might’ve become paralyzed at just seeing how the grass reached your waist.

‘Calm down, she’s fine. She’s having fun and that is all that matters’, Loki thought to himself.

He watched you as you exhausted yourself. There were leaves and sticks all around, but what really caught your eye were the flowers that were next to the tree. Some of the flowers had fallen off of their stems. You, of course, made an appoint to go up to all of the flowers on the ground just to admire each one.

This is when you got an idea. You ran up to one of the fallen flowers—-a puffy-like golden one. A tiny part of the stem was sticking out from underneath it. ‘Perfect! I’ll be able to drag it over to Loki!’, you thought.

Even though you were having the time of your life, you did still feel bad about how this made Loki feel. He looked like he was about to start crying again when he put you down in the grass! You had decided to bring a flower over to him.

You grabbed a hold of the flower’s small stem and started pulling it over to where Loki was sitting. ‘This’ll cheer him up’, you thought.

Loki’s eyes never left you. He was highly confused as to why you were dragging a flower around, however, he didn’t question it and let you have your fun. But he noticed that you were bringing it over to him. ‘What is this tiny mortal up to?’ he questioned to himself.

“Hey Loki! Can you lay your hand down next to me so I could climb on it? I have a surprise for you!”, you said happily.

This caused Loki to smirk. “A surprise you say? I wonder what it could be”, he said as he chuckled. Loki did as you asked and offered you his palm.

You clambered onto his hand and pulled the flower up into the center of his palm.

Loki raised you up in front of his face and stared at you with curiosity.

“Surprise!”, you exclaimed with joy, throwing your arms in the air. Loki laughed as he looked at how out of breath you looked.

“You got this for me, Y/n?”, Loki asked. You nodded excitedly. “Thank you my little dove. I will cherish this with all my heart.”

You giggled at how formal Loki was being.

“I-I know we just got here not too long ago, but..can we head back to the tower now? I really want to listen to you read that book we started”, you said shyly. You hoped that he wouldn’t be upset with you since it was you who wanted to come to the park in the first place.

“Of course we can, small one”, Loki said. He gently brought you closer towards his chest and gently tilted his hand, causing you to slide into the empty pocket.

“Lets go home, Loki”, you said, snuggling deeper into the fabric all around you. As much as you loved being outside, you missed the quietness of Loki’s room.

Loki stood up to his towering height and began the journey back to the Tower. He could simply just teleport back to his room, but he wanted to admire the flower you had given him a little while longer. How would he have anytime to do that if he teleported? Walking would give him more time to appreciate the flower you gave him without the Avengers questioning where he had gotten it from.

He slowly stretched out the opening of his pocket and peaked down at you. He heard how your breathing had become steady and his ears picked up on the light snores coming from your sleeping form. You had fallen asleep in a matter of seconds.

He smiled as he closed the opening of the pocket to let you rest. Loki held the flower close to his chest as he walked home with you safely tucked away.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all”, Loki said quietly.

————————————————————————-

@rose7420 I am so sorry it took me so long to write this!🥺💗

I hope you liked it! ❤️❤️

[ajbwasntwriting]

Daughter!Reader X Negan, Reader x Daryl: Chapter 8. Civil Unrest

First | Previous | Next

For all intents and purposes this is filler so the next chapter will be up in the next few minutes

I’ll only post more chapters if previous chapters get a good reaction so if you enjoy this please heart it, reblog it, and/or reply to it. Interaction inspires.

if you wish to be added to the tag list please dm me. All chapters can be found under the tag AJ’s Negan’s Daughter AU

In a few days you were up on your feet, your need to survive driving your fast recovery. As soon as you could sit up without nearly fainting and you could bend your fingers without much pain you started taking patients. Mainly burns and cuts. You kept your head down while working, adding to your intimidating reputation. They didn’t realise you were just trying to conceal yourself while looking for familiar faces. You rarely left the medical bay, even when it was icy cold.

Carol checked on you regularly, seemingly incredibly concerned for you. It almost pained you to suspect her to be out to get you. Luckily she seemed convinced that because you had been alone for so long that you’d take a long time getting used to the walls. Maybe she figured out that you were just biding time for leaving again.

“Are you okay?” Laura pulled you from your thoughts. You looked up suddenly, nodded, and went back to your reading. All these patient profiles from the previous physician were thorough. “Why would Emmett be this detailed with extremely basic medical care” you tought, then again he was a captive here just as much as you were. He probably had nothing better to do. “Are you sure? You look so serious.” She continued. You looked up to her. She was lying on one of the beds chewing on a piece of hard plastic. Having to keep a watch on ‘The New Doc’ would’ve been extremely boring.

“Just a lot of reading” you sat up and stretched your arms, not realising how long you had sat hunched over the hand-written pages. “Doctors have horrible handwriting and this guy sure likes to drag his point out”

“How bad is it?” She asked. You lifted the profile of another patient and followed along with your finger.

“The left Thenar has suffered tremendous infliction resulting in the loss of elasticity and possible avulsion of the tissue” You read aloud in a dramatic voice

“What?” Laura said, taking the plastic out of her mouth for a moment

“He pulled the muscle in his thumb, possibly tearing it” you flopped the paper down, rubbing your forehead.

“And all those pages are full of that shit” Laura pressed. You sighed with a nod.

“I never thought I’d be grateful to have done AP english.” you sighed

“Okay smart ass no need to show off” Laura chuckled, chewing on the plastic again.

“Please,” you sat back in the chair “My old man made me do it. ‘You already speak english so it should be a breeze’ he said”

“Those kind of parents?”

“You’re familiar?”

“Yep” Laura sat up, hunching over her now crossed legs. “My dad was a lawyer. Mom was an accountant. They kept pushing me to over achieve”

“Bet they weren’t happy with that” you spoke, pointing to your neck to reference Laura’s tattoo. Her hand went over it instinctively.

“I had already skipped town with my boyfriend before I got this.” She laughed. The smile melted away as she slowly stroked her neck. “Hadn’t seen them since. Probably dead.”

The room got a lot more quiet. It was crazy to think you both were so close in age but had gone through so much hell in the same world. But Laura was a saviour. You were Negan’s kid. If you were to be friends it would have to be at an arm’s reach.

The momentum changed when Carol arrived in, holding a small tray with cookies on them. The smell told you they were fresh. Your heart wanted to tell her to get out, but those cookies smelled too damn good.

“How’s the hard work going ladies.” she spoke with a cheery voice, setting the tray down in front of you. You were on it instantly. You took a cookie with you as you limped over to lock the door to the medical bay. “Any news?” Carol whispered

Carol had asked you and Laura to investigate the uprising of Negan supporters in the Sanctuary. Well, mainly Laura since she would know more people in Carol’s eyes. The payment, cookies. Though Laura would probably do it for free. She enjoyed the new peace that came with being aligned with the other settlements.

“Just the usual hot-heads” Laura sighed. You limped back to your chair.

“They like to complain to me.” you gently sat down. You’d only been back walking without the full splint for a couple days now but the clunky half splint on your lower leg wasn’t exactly walker friendly. “‘You should’ve seen how great we were when Negan was running the place’ and other shit”

“What do you think of it?” Carol asks you seriously. You suck the sugar off your fingers happily.

“He mustn’t have been that good if he’s not in charge anymore.”

They had their little meeting then as Carol was leaving you piped up,

“How’s the bridge team?”

“No.” Carol retorted quickly as if speaking to a child. “You are not going out there how many times do I have to tell you.”

“I could help-”

“You’re needed here Y/N” she spoke firmly.

“Yes, mom.” you groaned from your chair, earning a laugh from Laura. Carol left quickly.

“Why do you wanna join the bridge team so badly?” Laura asked through a mouthful of cookie.

“I miss the fresh air, I guess” and there’s more chances to get away from you all.

That evening you were restless. Normally it was the pain that kept you up late but it also exhausted you. You got out of the medical bed you’d claimed as your own, one of three that outfitted the med bay. You limped your way out of the medbay, not bothered if you woke Laura. The bathroom was down the hall so she would just assume you had to pee, especially since you had taken the torch dedicated to midnight bathroom visits. Being the medic gave you the luxury of a torch instead of matches and a candle.

It hurt to climb up so many stairs, with both your wounds and the cold seeping into your skin, but you’d be tired by the time you came back down anyway. You walked onto what used to be Negan’s floor. Your ‘family’s’ floor. You’d wanted to see it for a while now, out of curiosity more than anything else.

You first went to your father’s room. Pushing the door open you felt a burst of cold air whip around you viciously. The room has been stripped of its furnishings, right down to the carpets. Taken away to be burned most likely. The windows were shattered, the bullet holes in the ceiling giving away the method. It was so completely devoid of any sign of human life one would say it always had been. You closed the door and continued onto the parlour where the wives would spend their day. This room didn’t have windows but the room was still completely void of any of the glamour that once adorned it. The only remnants was the wall paper which was peeling off due to the damp.

The image of the forgotten rooms didn’t stir emotion in the way you thought they would. You imagined getting overwhelmed with emotion, but you felt nothing. No that wasn’t right, you felt a loss. Not a loss of the grandeur you had gotten to enjoy in captivity, not a loss of the fake smiles from your many ‘mothers’. You felt a loss of your father. You mourned the man you had called your father, and the idea that all that was left of the memory of him were these halls where cowards bowed to him. You felt an overwhelming realisation that the man you called ‘Pops’ had died long before ‘Negan’ formed.

Your final destination was your room. You figured it would also be empty but your room was a bit away, down the end of a hall few knew how to get too. You’d had more roaches as visitors than people. Your father had chosen it for you so the ‘common nobodies’ wouldn’t see you easily, another measure to keep you safe.

It also worked the other way as you round the corner and see a light coming from what used to be your room. The hall was lined with offices and storage rooms you knew you could dive into if someone appeared so you turned off your light and walked down the hall gingerly on your feet. You were now only a couple feet away from the door when you heard voices coming from the end of the hall, from what used to be your room.

“I still can’t believe they put this bitch here to keep an eye on us. That fucking redneck was an ass but atleast he didn’t pretend to be all fucking nice”

“It’s probably a play to get us to relax. They’ve got us locked in this factory and don’t give us nearly enough food, and they won’t let us go to the other settlements”

“We’re prisoners. They said they only wanted to lock up Negan but now we’re all starving.”

“Enough of your bitching.”

They went on to talk about how many people were on their side and their efforts to get weapons. They clearly had no idea you were listening. After all, what kind of idiot is gonna climb up over ten floors for no reason. Other than sentiment perhaps. It sounded like there were about four people in the room, but they spoke like they had a few under their influence. They were looking for weapons and a means to get back at ‘Rick and his posse’.

“We’ll bring them that bitch Carol’s head on a spike for them.”

“What about the bridge? We got people working there for food.”

“And then what? They’re just gonna keep extorting us for slave labour or let us starve.”

You were so drawn in by their words that the door opening startled you. You charged from your spot into an open room, a storage closet of a sort. You knew it was too risky to close the door so you stood against the wall next to the door. They walked along the hall bantering loudly. You sidestepped deeper into the room, knocking something with your foot making a loud metal sound. The voices stopped and you instantly froze, holding your breath like your life depended on it. A light shun into the closet, then the other way.

“Probably just a rat” one of the voices spoke. “We can set some traps and stew it for dinner”.

They continued down the hall, their steps growing faint a minute or so later. The adrenaline began to subside and the pain from the recent strain on your leg made itself very apparent. You stepped out of the closet and walked down the hall to your old room. Maybe they left some evidence you could use to barter for your freedom.

You opened the door to your room, only illuminated by the moonlight coming from the window. Unlike the other rooms, your room hadn’t been completely ransacked. The mattress had been taken off the frame but the metal skeleton remained as well as the rug under your bed. Other than that it appeared empty. You turned on your torch to get a better view.

On your bed frame lay what had to be near a hundred dead wild flowers. Your breath caught in your throat at the site. You moved and sat on the bed frame, the metal sending a chill up your body. You placed a hand on the dry stems and something hit the ground with a thump. You moved to look under the bed as quick as you could, reaching under the bed you cut yourself on something sharp. You moved your torch on it and grabbed it again, this time from a less dangerous end.

Under the bed you pulled out the knife that had your name engraved on it. The metal shun bright in the light as if lovingly polished until it’s inevitable abandonment. You hadn’t realized you had begun to cry until a tear fell onto the blade and began to fill the engraving.

~Tag List~

@bodeckersbitch @lauren-novak​ @aestthete

[dollfaced-erin]

Not So New Afterall (Sdv Sebastian x F!Reader)

A/n: Sebastian might be a little OOC, but trauma really turns someone 180 degrees, don’t you agree?

PLUS! I changed a few things in the previous chapter, I’m sorry!! The structure of everyone’s house should differ a little, since we need a bathroom and all--

CHAPTER SIX

A few knocks were heard rapping on his door. Unfamiliar with the rhythm, Sebastian answered “Come in” without a second thought.

Too preoccupied with his computer, he never realized who actually walked in his room. But with the way the visitor remained quiet and respectful, he was sure it wasn’t Sam or Abigail nor his mother. He peeked over his computer and was met with (e/c) eyes before going back to his work.

“Oh, hey. Gimme one sec,” he greeted shortly before increasing his typing speed on the computer, determined to finish his work as soon as possible to talk with the (h/c) girl that had walked in.

After a few minutes of the sound of typing, he spoke up. “Okay,” he breathed out in relief. “Sorry about that. I just needed to finish what I was working on,” he said, leaning and stretching himself on the chair. 

(Y/n) walked over to him, peering at the screen of his computer. Sebastian was clicking on a few options, saving what he was doing.

“What are you working on?” she asked, watching the screen that was incredibly detailed with coding terms. It was really complicated to look at, nowhere near ready to be able to read nor create one of her own. He was truly a master at this.

“I do freelance work as a programmer,” he said before turning his gaze over to the girl. Then, the hand on the mouse stopped clicking. His face turned pale as the memories from last night’s occurrence begin to race his mind once more.

“Sebastian?” asked (Y/n), her smile dropped in confusion.

He didn’t hear her. In her place, he saw the lively younger (Y/n), her (e/c) shining brightly and signature childish smile across her lips. And before his eyes, the perfect image of the girl he once loved was replaced with the gory scene of her accident. Panic began to well in his chest, his breathing began to get irregular, he--

He was stopped by a warm sensation on his cheek. He gasped, his mind becoming clear once more. (Y/n)’s face was painted with an expression of confusion and concern. Her hand was placed on his cheek, softly cupping the soft flesh.

“Sebastian? What’s wrong?” she asked once more, her eyes scanning every inch of his face to get somewhat an answer what was happening. 

Sebastian began to take in his surroundings, taking in that he was safe in his room, the warmth on his face keeping his steady and calm. This wasn’t the past, this was reality. Without realizing, he reached for the warmth on his face without actually knowing what it is, placing his hand on hers.

“Wh-what? How are you still alive?” he whispered out without giving a second to his thoughts. 

Confusion etched onto (Y/n)’s face from the question. “What do you mean?” she asked, herself panicking. Was she supposed to be dead? What happened to him?

“You...the accident. The...the truck. All that blood. How are you still alive?!” he said, his eyes watering. “Don’t you remember? Your scar! I...we....that game! Then...then..” he stammered. He was starting to break down.

“Sebastian! Calm down!” (Y/n) exclaimed, her hands moving to his shoulders. Giving them a tight squeeze, she stared back straight into his eyes. “I’m alive! I’m safe, alright? I’m right here.”

“It’s okay,” she said softly, kneeling down next to him. He was starting to cool down, but his eyes never left hers. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m right here. I’m alive and healthy, aren’t I?” she asked with a soft smile. 

“Yeah,” he said, his breaths getting more even. “But...I need to know,” he said, latching his hands on her wrists that held his shoulders. “Where did you get those scars?” he began to compose himself.

“Like I told you yesterday. I got it from when I was a kid back then,” she said, the small smile never leaving her face. 

“I said where, not when (Y/n),” he said sternly. Sebastian’s grip tightened slightly on the petite maiden’s limbs. They were quite sturdy and stiff from all the farm work, but he bet beneath the long-sleeved (f/c) shirt she wore was two arms beginning to gain biceps, or they were already there.

The (h/c)-haired female visibly gulped. The smile she wore came down, before she looked down in guilt. She let out a sheepish chuckle, a small wistful smile on her lips. 

“I won’t lie nor deny, but I think I understand what you said a moment ago,” she said. “I was--”

“Sebastian?” Robin asked as she came into the room. On instinct, Sebastian let go of (Y/n)’s arms and the latter shot straight up. Both of them awkward at the sudden intrusion of the ginger. 

The said woman walked into the room and looked at her son and the farmer in his room. “Oh, hi (Y/n)!” she chirped cheerfully. “Sebby, I know that you don’t like it when I come in here, but I ran into Abigail at the store and she said she was looking for you,” the older woman said. 

The raven-haired boy groaned a little, already having to go to Sam’s to hang out, and now Abigail? He ran a hand down his face. “Did you tell her I’m working?” he asked. Crush or not, it didn’t matter who it was when he was working.

“I did, but she said she’d probably stop by anyway,” the ginger said, quite sorry for interrupting her son when he was working. Her son sighed. “No one takes my job seriously.”

“No one bothers Maru when she’s working at the clinic...does everyone think I just surf the web all day?” he complained aloud as his mother walked out of the room, leaving the two. Although she had a little thought nagging in her mind when she laid her eyes on the two.

As the ginger left, a notification sound clicks in. He picks up his phone. “Ah, another emergency module needs to be made. Don’t think I’m kicking you out, (Y/n), but apparently I need to get this module done by tomorrow,” he apologized, getting up from his seat.

“We’ll talk more later, okay?” he told her as he easily loomed over her smaller figure. “I come out during evenings to clear my head, so come by then,” he said with a small smile on his lips. “And you can tell me my answer then.”

“Alright then,” (Y/n) said simply. She knew his work wasn’t one to joke with. She was lucky she never wanted to step into the programming world. “I’ll see you then. Good luck and don’t stress out too much, you hear me?” she wished before leaving the room.

Instead of leaving the mountains, (Y/n) figured that she could probably stop by Abigail’s and hang for a while. She took one last glance at the house Robin built, before she was well on her way.

“Mom?” Sebastian called, as he stepped out of his room a few hours later. His mom was looking back at her blueprints, looming at what she could improvise and improve. But from the voice of her son, she raised her head. 

“Yeah? What’s up, honey?” she asked, a bright smile on her face. Her son coming out of his room was a good thing, but for some reason, she felt a little...guilt piling up in her stomach since the past few days.

“Did...(Y/n) come here before?” he asked his mother, but she looked a little confused at his question. “Yeah? I mean, not after she stopped by your room, though,” she answered, although that wasn’t the answer that he wanted.

“No, I meant has she come here before actually moving here?” he rephrased his question, catching his mother off guard. She debated with herself within her own thoughts. What sort of answer should she give him? What good would it be?

But she knew, deep down in her heart she wasn’t able to hide the truth from him forever. Eventually he had to find out. Especially since the girl had moved here.

“Yes...she did,” she answered with a soft smile on her lips, her gaze down.

But it was sooner than she expected.

 “Wh...what happened after the accident?” he asked before Robin pointed to the seat in front of her counter, gesturing her son to take a seat as they went further into this matter. “What happened...?”

“You were terribly shaken up after the accident,” she said, placing a hand on her son’s face, just as (Y/n) had done earlier. “She comes to visit the valley every Fall to stay with her grandfather during the school break. She usually would stay for a few weeks, but it had been cut down to two since some things came up.”

“You were really upset that day, the last day she was here. You were really attached to her, y’know?” she chuckled, quite amused with the way her son used to act around the (h/c)-haired girl. “You would be so shy around her, the two of you holding hands all the time if she wasn’t with Abby.

“So you told me what was bothering you, then I told you to just man up and tell her,” she giggled as she saw her son’s face turn beet red. “But...” she sighed. “It failed horribly, don’t you think?

“When you were sent to the hospital, we tailed along with Pam in her bus, right behind the ambulance. We were parted when you were taken into the ER, with all your friends. But when I came to see you, you...had another look in your eyes. You were really....unresponsive from the accident.

“When I saw the blood and little (Y/n) on the ground, I froze in place. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve been for you, when you witnessed it first hand,” the mother said. “You were so closed off and reserved after that. And...at the hospital, (Y/n)’s parents fought with all of us, but (Y/n) intervened before things got worse. The fight had let you to hate adults, and that was right after an accident. You were burdened wit trauma and distress, and I only had myself to blame.”

“Soon after, you all never remembered (Y/n). But you all grew up with the unrealizing trauma that had been locked in your mind. It’s like...you grew up differently because of the trauma, but you never knew about the trauma. But you did see things differently after without realizing it,” the ginger said, perking the interest of her son.

“You had grown to love frogs because both of you were stuck Leah’s house, way before she moved in. There was an injured frog and the both of you brought it to her grandfather. Those were one of the little things that you had forgotten, because you had sealed all your memories of her unconsciously,” Robin explained, as her son looked at the wooden counter, taking in all the information.

“Then....if I said I liked Abby...” he began, slightly cringing at his question. “You had replaced (Y/n) with Abby in your mind, since she was closest to her. But you never have forgotten her now, have you?” she asked her son.

Evening rolled by and Sebastian stepped out of his house at 6:30 like he did everyday. And as he promised, he was waiting for (Y/n) by the lake. He thought about the words he was going to say to her and the questions he was going to ask when she got here.

“Now that she’s here, what do I do?” he asked his mother, making her chuckle. ”Do you still like her?”

‘Where is she?’ he thought. If she was anything like when she was younger, she would always be on time. She was never late for a promise, but if she had inevitable matters then it wouldn’t hurt to wait a few moments, right?

Sebastian nodded slightly with a burning red face. His eyes looking down at the wooden counter to avert from coming in contact with his mom’s bright green own. But the chuckle that escaped his mother’s lips only shamed him further.

After taking out a cigarette from the box, he proceeded to fish his lighter. But when he got that out, he saw the slow movements of (h/c) crawling out of the mines.

“I’m not sure if...she knew what happened during that timeline, but if she doesn’t, don’t pressure her to remember, alright?”

Sebastian’s lighter fell out of his hand, dropping straight into the lake. His dark eyes raised to look at the figure trudging out of the dark caverns.

“But if you’re sure it won’t hurt her,”

It was a girl with messy and disheveled (h/c)-hair, trailing down her (b/p). Her (s/c) face had reverted to a pale shade and her (e/c) eyes were quite dull and exhausted, as if she were to pass out any second. But what pulled his attention the most...

“Tell her how you truly feel, Sebby!”

Was the huge triple-gash that had scrapped itself on her right side, blood dripping heavily from the wound.

“(Y/N)!!!”

The dark-haired male ran over to the said female, catching her in his arms before she could collapse forward. He pulled her back so that she was leaning on his arm on her back.

She had passed out cold, scratches he didn’t see earlier revealed to be littering her face without any mercy. There was a larger one beneath her eye. He had no time for this. The amount of blood she was bleeding was immense. And he had to do something about it before sending her to Harvey,

Or it’ll be too late...

He had no time for pessimistic thoughts. She was going to survive. She was going to LIVE! He had to think fast. He placed her on the ground carefully before taking off his hoodie, thanking Yoba he was wearing a white shirt beneath. He wrapped the dark-colored material around the unconscious girl’s abdomen, tying the arms of the shirt on the opposite area of the injury.

Sebastian hoisted (Y/n) once more in his arms, resting her head on his right arm to avoid the injury colliding with his abdomen as he lifted her. Feeling her on his bare skin, he realized how cold she was. Did she go into the colder parts of the mines in this thin shirt? Without proper warming, her movement must’ve slowed incredibly if she was able to get such injuries.

He knew he had no time to run down to Harvey’s. He wasn’t even sure if the doctor was even in the house! He had to settle for the second best option, as much as he hated it. Sebastian grit his teeth before running back to his house.

He knocked on the door, since his hands were occupied with the girl in his hold. Luckily his mother hadn’t stepped out of the house yet since she needed to clean up somethings before she headed out. 

Hearing the knock, Robin opened the door, green eyes wide with fright at the figure her son was holding. “Is Maru home?” Sebastian huffed out as he stepped into the wooden building.

“No, but she should be on her way home,” Robin said rushing right behind him. “I’ll go get her and Harvey, you bring her to your room,” the ginger said before she left to find her daughter.

“Damnit, (Y/n)! Why must you always be so darn injured?!” he huffed at the unconscious girl. He placed her on his soft mattress and held her soft but cold right hand.

“I won’t let you go this time,” Sebastian promised, taking off her backpack to let her be more comfortable. He placed it next to his table, grabbing his chair and sat right next to the girl, tightening the shirt around her before taking her slim hand back into his.

“Please, please just hang in there. They’ll be here anytime soon...” he whispered, drawing circles onto the back on her hand using his thumb. As if on cue, the door burst open and thundering of feet was heard before the door to his room was thrown open.

There, stood Maru and Harvey, quite out of breath from running, and behind them was a panicking Robin. 

“Maru...” Sebastian whispered, feeling relieved for the first time to see his sister. But his sister’s expression turned into horror as she and Harvey ran down to the pale girl.

Harvey took one look at (Y/n) before nodding to Maru.

“We need to perform an emergency surgery on her.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

continuation of Star Wars Wangxian AU - on ao3 or tumblr

-

The way of the Sith is the dyad, the rule of two: always two, no more, no less.

A master and an apprentice – one to represent the allure of the Dark Side of the Force, the other to serve as the baited, walking willingly into a trap. A pair of magnets, the moth and the flame; without each other, they were incomplete, unstable, and only together could they be considered complete.

Perhaps, Lan Wangji reflects, he should have considered this fundamental precept more thoroughly.

Certainly earlier.

If he had thought about it earlier, he could have taken steps, measures, something. Anything, really, as long as it wasn’t…

“Hey, Master! You’re back! Did you have a nice trip? Kill lots of people?”

…this.

“No,” Lan Wangji said, in the tones of one who knew suffering. The Dark Side rippled around him, thickening as he poured his frustration and annoyance into it – a complaint shared with the abyss, in a world where rage and despair only made the abyss stronger. “No deaths.”

The Sarlacc didn’t count.

Anyway, Wei Wuxian had been the one to kill it in the end, in order to enable them to escape. He’d almost looked like he’d felt bad about it, too.

Silly fool, Lan Wangji thought with far too much affection.

Though, speaking of silly fools...

Xue Yang grinned at him, his little tiger tooth making the otherwise vicious expression significantly less intimidating. 

Lan Wangji had observed that fact early in their acquaintance, and had resolved never to tell Xue Yang so as to let him continue to be frustrated by the apparently inexplicable fact that people never seemed to take him seriously at first glance. If Xue Yang ever figured it out and confronted him about it, he could even theoretically, at a stretch, justify it as additional Dark Side training.

“Sounds like a wasted trip, then,” he said. “I killed five.”

Lan Wangji met his gaze with a steady one of his own. “I do not recall instructing you to go on a mission.”

“Aww, but Master –”

Lan Wangji was newer to the Dark Side of the Force than Xue Yang, but he had the rigorous training of the Cloud Recesses behind him: he did not even need to reach out deliberately through the Force to oppress Xue Yang, driving him to his knees.

“It was a continuation of an earlier mission, Master! I wouldn’t disobey you intentionally –”

Lan Wangji released him. “Of course you would.”

Xue Yang looked up at him, grin back on his face. “Well, yeah. But not that obviously. I wouldn’t admit it to your face.”

He would, if he thought he could get away with it, and Lan Wangji permitted a look of skepticism to cross his face, though he did not comment aloud. 

“What mission?” he asked instead. Knowing Xue Yang as he did, there were very few missions that he had given in which murder was permissible, much less multiple murders. They were trying to keep a low profile, after all.

Xue Yang bounced to his feet. “I invaded another Hutt palace!” he announced gleefully, his eyes shining like stars. “Dressed up as a bounty hunter and everything!”

Xue Yang had once been a slave on a planet controlled by the Hutts, a dirty sandy place with little compassion for the young and none for the weak – and Xue Yang had been both. He had been bartered from one master to another until one careless owner had crushed his hand and his spirit at the same time, rendering him even more useless and condemning him to a terrible fate. No one wanted damaged goods, no one but those who wanted to break them further.

How Xue Yang went from that to being the apprentice of a self-styled Sith Lord, Lan Wangji was unsure beyond a basic understanding that Xue Yang had somehow risen up from his dire circumstances to massacre the entire clan of that particular owner. They had met only when Xue Yang was already in the midst of his training, a slightly gawky teenage delinquent who’d long ago learned that murder was the first, best, and only answer to all of his problems.

He’d tried to kill Lan Wangji, of course.

The circumstances had been admittedly been rather unusual. The Sith tradition called for dyads, a master and an apprentice in each set (though of course there could be more than one set of Sith, though rarely if ever on a level or in an area where they could challenge each other); the typical way of things for the Sith was that the apprentice struck down the master, rising to take on an apprentice of his own, or that the master tired of the apprentice and lured another promising would-be apprentice into Falling, with the typical test of a new apprentice being the slaughter of the old one.

Lan Wangji was strikingly idiosyncratic in that he had Fallen entirely on his own, without a master to guide him to the Dark Side. 

This did not mean he was without knowledge: the Lan sect, which prized learning, of course had a rich collection of treatises on what the Dark Side entailed, although they were meant to be read as warnings rather than guides. After he had had the Force vision of that terrible future, the future he would Fall to the Dark Side, had Fallen, rather than permit to take place, Lan Wangji had stolen several before departing the Cloud Recesses.

It was little surprise, then, that Xue Yang’s old master had put such effort into recruiting Lan Wangji as his own apprentice once he had discovered him.

Lan Wangji had had no patience for such nonsense. Rather than slaughter Xue Yang, who had clearly been incited against him, he had followed the traces back to their origin and killed the Sith master that Xue Yang followed instead.

Unfortunately, per the rule of two, that left Xue Yang without a master and Lan Wangji with the horrible realization that would-be Sith masters would be crawling out of the woodwork to attack him on a regular basis if he didn’t put himself in a dyad at once to prevent it. In the interest of not being harassed, and thereby distracted from his plans, he had recruited Xue Yang as his own apprentice, skipping the apprentice step entirely and becoming a master.

Perhaps that was why Wei Wuxian had called him a Sith lord, he mused. Wei Wuxian was sensitive to the Force, talented in it almost to extremes; maybe he could tell that Lan Wangji was in a position of dominance, rather than growth.

“ – it was great. Even with all the warnings from previous incidents, they were so arrogant, thinking it would never happen to them. Rotten slugs! The leader had a rancor in the dungeon under his throne, too; the thing was kept half-starved so that it’d turn on anyone that got dropped into its nest – wretched little space, I could barely move, much less a rancor –”

“I take it from your explanation that we now own a rancor,” Lan Wangji said, feeling somewhat pained.

Pained, but also gratified: he had been working on teaching Xue Yang the concept of empathy, reasoning that the truly psychopathic would never truly be able to connect with the rage, suffering, and pain that powered the Dark Side of the Force.

Only once Xue Yang understood love, understood it and lost it, could he truly understand the Dark Side as Lan Wangji did.

A pet was a good start.

“Uh, maybe? I mean, rancors are from Dathomir, which is pretty steeped in the Dark Side, so it’s almost like they’re a natural ally of the Sith –”

Rancors were semi-sentient five-meter tall reptiles that resembled boulders, with armored hides that could resist blasters and even light sabers at times, and while it was true that their home planet was rich in the Dark Side, home of assassins and Nightkin and murderers of all sorts, rancors themselves were actually quite friendly and non-combative as a general rule.

Not that Xue Yang knew that. 

“You will care for it yourself, without disturbing me,” Lan Wangji instructed, not wanting Xue Yang to dwell too long on whether or not what he had done was appropriate. Some people could only be coaxed, not coerced; Xue Yang’s former master had very nearly ruined him, teaching him all the wrong lessons about divesting oneself of emotions (the Sith way, of course: no emotions but hate) without any of the necessary context, and any future education needed to done cautiously to avoid Xue Yang becoming utterly consumed by the abyss, capable of nothing but lashing out, a rabid dog in need of being put down.

Lan Wangji was not in the market for another Sith apprentice.

Xue Yang, at least, was easy to manage: as long as he was permitted to vent his more murderous inclinations in the way he liked the most, pursuing the vile Hutt clan wherever they had set up their gangster dens full of corruption and rot, his attempts to overthrow Lan Wangji were half-hearted and disinterested, and the worst Lan Wangji would need to put up with was a bit of back talk.

“Of course,” Xue Yang said, grinning with teeth. “Wouldn’t want to keep you from your boy, would we?”

…not that the back talk wasn’t annoying.

“You are not permitted to speak of him,” Lan Wangji said coldly, but that never worked for very long. Xue Yang was an extremely disrespectful apprentice, although Lan Wangji supposed it was his own fault for rejecting the rigid hierarchy of the traditional master-apprentice relationship – of the entire concept of the Sith lord and the classist structure generally associated with it – and encouraging Xue Yang to similarly reject such things in favor of the anarchy of self-determination. “He is not yours to even think of.”

Perhaps a wiser man might refuse to let Xue Yang even know of such a weakness, but Lan Wangji was moderately sure that in an even fight – or even an uneven one – Wei Wuxian would have no difficulty putting Lan Wangji’s unruly, unwanted apprentice in his place.

“Yeah, yeah,” Xue Yang laughed. “I know: hands off, no touching. I still don’t get it. What’s so great about this one guy? The universe is full of people, even force-sensitives; if you’re so hung up on having a Jedi, why not go find one that’s a little more compromising?”

Because there is no one else like Wei Ying. There will never be anyone else for me, not ever – only him.

“One day you will meet someone who moves you,” Lan Wangji said placidly, a touch of his old talent for Force visions shimmering in his soul in confirmation of the dimly uncertain future. “And we will have this conversation again, when at last you understand.”

“Sure,” Xue Yang said, clearly disbelieving. “Whatever. Let me tell you about these two bounty hunters I met on my trip – a matched set, one in white and one in black - fuck, they were so annoying, you wouldn’t even believe –”

[dwellordream]

If you could rewrite Alysanne and J****erys’ daughters to make them fully-fledged characters instead of paper-thin stereotypes, what would you change? (Censored you-know-who’s name because we don’t acknowledge him in my house 🙅🏿‍♀️)

Lmfao at you-know-who.  Daenerys: I actually think Fire and Blood does an okay job of building up Daenerys’ character (though of course it’s pretty obvious from her very first appearance she’s going to die tragically young, forever the ‘darling of the realm’). I don’t know, maybe we could have had a scene of her interacting with Aerea or Rhaena or something to get their reactions to her being heir for the first two years of her life before Aemon’s birth. Alyssa: My problem with Alyssa is not that she’s a tomboy. My problem with Alysaa is that she is a generic trope of ‘not like other girls!’ with no actual development. Unlike Arya’s very well-written arc in canon, Alyssa’s failure to conform to her society’s rigid gender roles and her interest in more traditionally masculine Westerosi pursuits like dueling, riding, climbing, etc is never examined in terms of how it effects her relationships with her family members and her thoughts about her future. There’s no scene like the one between Arya and Ned where Arya questions why she can’t be rule in her own right or build castles or advise kings, etc. There’s no detail given to how she got along with her mother and if Alysanne encouraged her ‘wild’ behavior or was more disapproving of it, etc.  Despite all this attention paid to how Alyssa refuses to conform to the expected role of a ladylike and demure princess, she seemingly has no problems with being married off at 15 and being expected to stick to being a wife and mother? There’s absolutely no conflict there, and there should be. Even if she was really in love with Baelon and had no issues marrying him, I find it hard to believe that she would pivot from wanting to spar with her brothers in the training yard to telling Baelon, totally seriously, “You were made for battles, and I was made for this. ...As soon as I am well, let’s make another. An army of your own!”  That seems like a pretty drastic shift in personality, and it’s never explained. Maegelle: Maegelle just needs more development, in general. She’s not this offensive character archetype, she’s just incredibly barebones, the barest outline of a character. Only one line is spared to her relationship with Alyssa, who was only two years older, and that is ‘Alyssa bristled at the baby at her skirts’. It would have been nice to see some interaction between them, any at all; they were close in age growing up, surely they spent time together, even if they had very different interests, and they must have been educated together by a septa. There’s also barely anything devoted to how Maegelle viewed Daella beyond being her ‘guiding star’. What does that mean? Was she protective of Daella? Did she spend more time with her little sister than the rest of the family? Was she upset when Daella was married off? How did she and Daella react to Alyssa’s untimely death?  What about Maegelle’s ‘gift for healing’? When did that show up? When did she begin to study healing? What motherhouse did she go to? She was very bright, so what else did she like to study? Did she ever wish she could study at the Citadel? Did she correspond with Vaegon? Did she do any writing of her own? How did she help her parents resolve their conflicts? Did she help resolve any other political or familial strife? Did she wish for Viserys or Daemon to join the Faith as boys? Daella: Daella seems to have been intellectually disabled in some way. How did that affect her everyday life? To what extent was she aware of this? How did it affect the way her siblings treated her? Was she scared of her father, who she seemed incapable of pleasing, no matter what she did? She liked flowers, did she like to spend a lot of time in the gardens, or did she have a personal flower garden of her own that she tended to, like Myrcella in canon? What caused her to be scared of gardens? Was she bullied in one by her siblings?  Daella didn’t speak until she was almost two. Was this scene as a cause for concern at the time? What did the maesters think? Did Maegelle teach her to read, and praise her when she was able to read aloud, albeit haltingly? Who were her other tutors? What did Alysanne and Jaehaerys think of her being known as ‘simple’? Why was she scared of Alyssa?  Was Saera punished for her cruel pranks on Daella? Did Saera single her out because Daella annoyed her or because she felt Daella took up attention from their parents that Saera did not get? How much did Saera and Vaegon’s bullying contribute to Daella’s obvious anxiety and many phobias? Why was someone asking the 9 year old Daella when she would marry Vaegon?  Why did Alysanne and Jaehaerys feel Daella needed to be wed at all? At the time they had plenty of healthy children who would presumably have multiple grandchildren to continue the Targaryen line. The overwhelming pressure for Daella to marry does not make sense when the family tree was still fairly vast in 77 AC. Why was Daella left alone with for young squires seemingly encouraged to flirt with and pursue her, a frightened teenage girl with a child-like mentality? Why was there no uproar over Simon trying to get her drunk, and Ellard forcing a kiss on her? Why was this incident seen as ‘Daella being picky’ and not an assault on a royal princess? What drew Daella to Royce Blackwood? Was he kind to her? Why did no one consider that Daella’s strong religious faith in the Seven might pose an obstacle to this marriage? Why could Daella not be permitted to wed in a sept and raise her children in an interfaith marriage, as Catelyn and Ned do in canon?  Why did Jaehaerys feel Daella needed to be married off by the end of her sixteenth year seemingly for no reason other than annoyance? Why would the marriage of a royal princess be treated so lightly? Why did Jaehaerys then threaten to send Daella to the Silent Sisters when Alysanne asked why Daella could not wait to be married? Why did Jaehaerys hold such animosity towards his 16 year old daughter that he would rather her be forced into a severe religious order where she would likely never see her family again, rather than simply let her wait to marry or not marry at all? Why were two of the men Daella was then ordered to choose between old enough to be her father? Why was she not offered the choice of Rodrik’s sons or Boremund’s son? What was to be gained from wedding her to Rodrik, since her children by him would never inherit the Eyrie? Jaehaerys just decided to chuck politics out the window in order to be rid of her? He loathed his daughter that much at that point? Daella is given no voice following her marriage to Rodrik, nor is there any interrogation of his frankly disturbing interest in a 16 year old girl he’d known since birth and watched grow up over the years, calling her his ‘precious princess’ and seemingly fetishizing her naive, child-like innocence and fragile physical state? To add onto this, there is then zero outcry towards Rodrik himself when he proceeds to impregnate Daella, leading to her horrible death in childbirth. Why do we not even get Jaehaerys’ reaction to the realization that he essentially pushed his daughter into an early, agonizing death?  Saera and Viserra: Saera is brave and clever but that gets one brief mention, and then the rest of the narrative spends all its time harping on how she’s an evil, sexy, manipulative teenage girl. Viserra is just a slightly watered down version of her. They don’t just need to be rewritten, they need actual personalities to work with, because they have none, they’re just plot devices with names designed to make their parents fight with each other.  The same goes for Gael, who seems to just be ‘Daella 2.0′ in terms of being regarded as ‘simple-minded but sweet’, and then being raped (I don’t think Gael was capable of giving proper consent to sex or understood what that meant) and left to commit suicide after her stillborn son.

[kittinoir]

Phantoms Ch. 11

Read on Ao3

With just the two of them on patrol, things felt almost like they used to. Almost. There was nothing familiar about the too-casual, lingering touches between them, or in the way Ladybug looked at Chat Noir and felt her heart swell to bursting with affection, but if this was her new normal, she thought she could get used to it.

If only she didn’t have to also get used to the fear that dogged every glance, every brush, every moment. Even as it faded with every day that passed, it never quite disappeared. She sometimes wondered if it ever would.

But not in that moment. Sitting this close to him on the edge of the roof, closer than she ever would have before, their knees pressed together, fear of the future was momentarily held at bay. Adrien had that effect on her. 

“Don’t get mad,” Chat Noir said, breaking their comfortable, if loaded silence, thick with all the things they couldn’t say to each other, “But it’s been…really quiet lately.”

“Don’t you dare jinx us!” Ladybug said, but she couldn’t help a laugh. “But…you’re right. I don’t know if I should be worried or relieved.”

“With Hawk Moth?” Chat Noir said, glancing sidelong at her. “Always worried.”

Ladybug didn’t say it, but she’d grown so use to worrying that it hardly felt like anything anymore. He had a point, though. Hawk Moth wasn’t taking a break: he was gearing up. Someone like that didn’t just disappear.

Almost as though their thoughts had summoned him, both Ladybug and Chat Noir leapt to their feet as someone shot out of the clouds towards them, faster than anything they’d ever seen.

“Koira,” Chat Noir said suddenly, his baton stilling in his hand. Moments later, Ladybug could spot the details her partner had already seen and slowed her yoyo as well. Had they missed an akuma alert?

“What is it?” Ladybug demanded as Koira landed hard, skidding across the roof. He was panting, having pushed Barkk to his limits, but Koira didn’t give off the impression he was staying as he stalked back to them.

“It’s Hawk Moth,” Koira said, loosing the hammer at his hip. He flipped the hammer head down and revealed the screen on the handle, a small black and yellow icon flashing in the top right corner. “We - Chloe…I think she found him.” He met Chat Noir’s confused gaze. “There’s no easy way for you to learn this, but…your father…”

“You’re wrong,” Ladybug said automatically, though Koira’s announcement stirred old suspicions that she’d never totally managed to put to rest. “Gabriel Agreste was cleared a long time ago when he was akumatized.”

“Then maybe you can explain this,” Koira said, thrusting his hammer at them.

It displayed a photo of a portrait and a hole in the ground of what looked like some kind of sitting room or office. It seemed vaguely familiar, but Ladybug couldn’t place it. She read the message attached instead: Still think this is a waste of time?

“So he has another safe in the floor,” Chat Noir said in a voice Ladybug had only heard once before. “So what? Did she find the one behind the portrait, too, while she was snooping through my father’s office?”

Ladybug turned and was met with the same disbelief, the same anger that had come over her partner the first time she’d voiced her thoughts aloud. Now it all made sense. She supposed she should have been grateful he’d followed her lead at all.

“I hope you have more than this,” she said instead of taking Chat Noir’s hand in her own to offer comfort like she wanted to. 

“This is the last message Queen Bee sent before she vanished,” Koira snapped, reholstering his hammer. “The Grimoire came from him. She went there, and then she disappeared.”

“Chloe is always disappearing,” Chat Noir said, and edge of desperation in his voice now. “Whenever things gets hard or they don’t go her way, she vanishes.”

“You know that’s not true!” Koira shouted, and Ladybug had to admit, even if Chat Noir didn’t know that, she did. Chloe had stopped running a while ago. That wasn’t to say Chloe couldn’t have a moment of weakness, but this wasn’t adding up. At least not to that.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter,” Koira said, abruptly turning from them. “The only reason I even came here was because she made me promise that… But it doesn’t matter. Sit here in denial if you want, but I’m going to do what you should have been doing all along: take the problem out at the root.”

He’d made it all of two steps before Chat Noir’s baton swept his feet out from under him, sending Koira sprawling.

“If you think I’m going to let you attack my father because of some half-baked investigation you two did, you have another thing coming,” Chat Noir snarled.

“Enough!”

Ladybug stepped between them, trying to ignore the rage pouring off her partner in waves.

“Koira, if there’s even the slightest chance you’re right, you can’t seriously expect we’d just let you walk into the same trap Queen Bee did.” Ladybug didn’t think she imagined his wince, but it was hard to tell. Felix rarely conceded anyone’s point.

“Chat Noir,” she continued, turning to the familiar stranger her partner had become, “I think we owe it to ourselves and this city to lay these suspicions to rest once and for all.”

Chat Noir reacted as though she’d struck him. “Are you telling me you…believe him…?”

“I’m saying we have to be sure, one way or the other,” Ladybug said softly, silently begging him to understand. “We’ve both been in two places before, too.”

Ladybug turned back to Koira before she could register her partner’s reaction. She knew her stance would feel like a betrayal, but she knew even so he’d see the value in confirming his fathers innocence. At least, she hoped it would be innocence. She could hear Adrien’s voice in her head as clearly as if he’d spoken the words out loud: he’d already lost his mother. He couldn’t lose his father, too.

“Assemble the team,” Ladybug said to Koira. “I want everyone here in an hour or less. No excuses. We’ll deal with this, once and for all.” But first she needed to talk with her partner - without his needling cousin a few feet away.

“But Chloe - ”

“Is smarter and more resourceful than you give her credit for.” Ladybug didn’t miss Felix’s wince this time, and she couldn’t help but hope she had hit a nerve. “And will not be thanking us if all we do is get ourselves captured trying to help her. That’s the worst case scenario. For all we know, she just fell down that shaft and is need of rescue. Chat Noir is right; this ‘investigation’ needs more work. Now go.”

Koira scowled but leapt from the roof without another protest, leaving her alone again with Chat Noir, a prospect that had been much more appealing only ten minutes ago.

“You’re not seriously entertaining this, are you?” Chat Noir demanded as she walked back to him. His baton was trembling in his fist and he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “If he were Hawk Moth, I would know. I would…How could I not…”

He trailed off as the implications began to set in. This time Ladybug did step up to him and wrap her arms around his waist, placing her head on his chest, but she felt him lock up beneath her touch.

“We don’t have enough information,” Ladybug said, avoiding his questions. “But Adrien…whatever we do, we have to be sure.”

He jerked in her arms at the use of his real name, but a moment later, she heard the clatter of the baton against the rooftop and then the comforting weight of his own arms around her as he pulled her close.

“It’s not that it can’t be him,” Adrien admitted quietly as he laid his cheek on the top of her head, “But if he’s been there the whole time…and I could have…”

“Hawk Moth’s crimes do not lay at your feet,” Ladybug said firmly, twisting her face up towards him and refusing to let his eyes stray from hers. “I’ve been to your house during Hawk Moth’s reign. Is it my fault I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary? Tikki’s, for not sensing another kwami’s presence?”

“Of course not, but you didn’t live with him,” Chat Noir protested.

“Hawk Moth isn’t sloppy,” Ladybug said. Why couldn’t she find the right words? “If he didn’t want you to know, you wouldn’t. That’s no one’s fault. What matters is what we do next.”

“And what’s that?” he asked with a bitter chuckle as he dropped his arms. “Arrest him? Storm my house? Fight it out in the backyard?”

“We check our facts,” Ladybug said, reluctantly letting him go. “We check everything. Regardless of who your father may or may not be, Chloe is missing and her last known location is your house. Either she fell down a servants elevator, or…or she found something. If nothing else, we have to look for her, or at least some clues as to what happened to her. For all we know, your father could be a hapless pawn in all this. Maybe all he needs our help.”

Chat Noir blew out a breath as he turned to look out over the city. He was still reeling, she could see that. She couldn’t blame him. If it had been her own father, would she have been so calm? No, she knew, she would not. In point of fact, he would have been chasing her across the city, trying to catch her before she ripped the bakery door of its hinges.

“What do you need?” she asked softly. More than anything, she wanted to hold him, love him, support him the way someone who was more than just a friend could. She couldn’t see how their relationship could lead to that horrible future that dogged her sleeping hours, especially now when he was obviously in so much pain. Could it really be so much worse than the present playing out in front of her?

“I need my dad to not be Hawk Moth,” Chat Noir said without turning. “And if he is, I need to do something. Luckily, I’m as clever as I am handsome.”

Ladybug frowned. “Adri -”

He pivoted abruptly, laying a single clawed finger against her lips. “Ah-ah. Your rule, remember, Ladybug?”

Ladybug’s heart gave a painful squeeze as she beheld his face. The light that had danced in his eyes since she’d met him, the warmth and humour, had shuttered and gone out. She may have put the wall between them before, but he was the one putting it there now. 

’No,’ she wanted to beg, ’Don’t. Don’t shut me out. You don’t have to do this alone.’ Was this how he’d felt all those months she’d been missing? Desperately wondering how to fix something when you weren’t even sure just how it had broken? How to help someone who shut you out?

“You have a plan?” she made herself ask, suppressing a shiver as he dropped his hand from her mouth. He wasn’t alone. She wouldn’t allow it. 

“The beginnings of one,” Chat Noir said as he opened the calendar feature on his baton. “My father is hosting a charity auction at our house in two days as a fundraiser for the foundation he created in… Lots of guests, fancy dress affair, the perfect time to do some reconnaissance and a possible rescue. Kagami, Felix, and I are, of course, already on the guest list.” He paused, and Ladybug glimpsed the momentary slip of his calm. “Chloe was, too.”

“Any chance you can get anyone else in?” Ladybug asked. Normally she was the one who came up with the plans, but she could feel how much he needed this in the absence of someone to actually fight. “A…date, maybe?”

Chat Noir’s eyes were narrowed in concentration as he mentally went through his elusive father’s rules and regulations. “I have to bring Lila. Kagami and Felix have an available plus one, though.”

Ok, she’d be lying if that didn’t sting. Little Lila did anymore bothered Ladybug, but being Adrien’s date? She knew how it would look to the press. Judging by Chat Noir’s face, he knew, too. So why did it matter?

The answer was instantaneous.

Because even if it was contractual, even if it was for show, what Lila would have was more real than the moments she and Adrien stole when they hoped fate wasn’t looking. 

“Kagami can bring Max as her plus one,” Ladybug said as though her heart wasn’t on fire. “If he can sneak away, he can open a portal long enough for a few of us to get in. I’ll go with Felix.”

Chat Noir’s head snapped up at that, but he bit back his protest before he could make it. “Makes sense,” he bit out, the cool facade falling back into place. “Who sneaks in?”

“Luka,” Ladybug said, listing them on her fingers. “Juleka, Mylene, Alya, and Nino. Anyone else?”

Chat Noir shook his head. “The fewer there are, the smaller the risks.”

Over his shoulder, Ladybug could see multiple flashes of colour making their way towards them, weaving around one another like planets caught in her and Chat Noir’s gravitational pull. 

“It’s a good plan,” Ladybug said as her gaze slide back to her partner. “I…Adr - ”

Before she could try again, Rena Rouge, Carapace, and Viperion landed on the roof. The others weren’t far behind. She watched her partner greet them, his face a mask of grim determination, no hint of the storm she knew he must be feeling. All this time, she thought she’d been afraid of Adrien’s reaction if he knew she knew his identity. Maybe what she’d really been afraid of was her own feelings about it. Maybe what she’d really been afraid of was the truth. Maybe Adrien was just smart enough to know the difference.

“I heard there’s a major development?” Rena Rouge said as Kele and Aurochs dropped onto the roof as well.

“Possibly,” Ladybug said. “Queen Bee’s gone missing.”

The excitement in everyone’s eyes died immediately. 

“Kidnapped?” Rena Rouge asked.

“Just missing,” Ladybug said. She didn’t want to tell them Felix’s theory, afraid to bias them against a threat that truly might not be there. She’d jumped to so many conclusions in the past, and they’d always lost ground because of it. “Her last known location is the Agreste mansion.”

Predictably, everyone’s gaze swung to Chat Noir. There were even more eyes now, since Phoenix, Pegasus, and Ryuuko had joined them. 

“Why was she there?” Carapace asked.

“We’re not entirely sure,” Ladybug said, skirting the truth. Koira might have said Chloe was investigating Hawk Moth, but they had no real proof of that, though Ladybug could think of little other reason Queen Bee would have for sniffing around the mans’ office. “But her last transmission was from Gabriel Agreste’s office. She hasn’t been seen since.”

“Gabriel Agreste?” Tigress chimed in. “You don’t think - ”

“Let’s wait for everyone,” Chat Noir finally said. Despite his initial reaction, his spine was straight, his voice cool. For a moment, Ladybug’s vision shifted and his suit was white, not black, his eyes a piercing blue in the twilight. 

No. They weren’t the same. Adrien might have that same reckless energy about him right then, but that didn’t mean…he wasn’t…he wasn’t…

They didn’t have to wait long. 

Felix was the last to arrive. Despite the round trip, he still seemed as agitated as before. Ladybug got it; Felix wasn’t the easiest to get along with, but Chloe had been the closest thing he had to a friend amongst them. Hell, she wasn’t in love with the idea of leaving Chloe for another two days, either, but she had to admit it was the best shot at success they had. 

Within seconds of full assembly, everyone knew why they’d been called: one of their own had disappeared in Gabriel Agreste’s mansion.

For once, Ladybug took a step back and let Chat Noir explain the basics of their plan to the team. He seemed to have understood her unspoken wish to keep the ‘why’ of their mission to themselves until the last possible moment, but then he’d always been able to pick up on her silent cues. 

This was different than an after-school slumber party and a candid conversation about what was and wasn’t forgivable, she knew. This was a real mission, and it could have real consequences. She wouldn’t make anyone risk their lives if their heart wasn’t in it.

But one by one, everyone nodded their assent, even Kagami, Alix, and Mylene.

It all came down to the same thing: even bitching and moaning the whole way, Chloe would do the same for them. 

“Alright, then,” Chat Noir said, drawing the meeting to a close as the sun sank over the city behind them. “Let’s go get Queen Bee back.” 

[halothenthehorns]

The Leaky Cauldron

James didn't know where to begin, or what to say. What do you tell your best friend who just found out he would be sent to prison, a literal hell hole, for a crime no one would ever believe he committed. Of all the cruel, unjust things they'd seen in the future so far, this almost rivalled what happened to himself and Lily. He was almost afraid to keep going now, what other horrors would he learn?

Remus was the first to speak up after a very long, drawn out pause, as he said, "Ah, so, what's your deal with Fudge?"

Sirius shook his head from side to side as he sighed, "you're going to think I'm crazy."

"We already think that," Lily stated, giving him her best smile as she continued, "in the best way of course."

Sirius gave an unamused snort, but told them anyways. "Just thinking, I don't like that Fudge was the one to show up to make sure Harry was okay, not days after my supposed escape," here his face twisted off in that same fit of unease he now always felt at the mention of his fate. Quickly shaking that off he pressed on, "me, a supposed Voldemort supporter, according to the general populace. Now, who more than anyone would want to go after Harry?" He finished rhetorically, noting the light the rest of them gained at once.

"You think Fudge thinks you're after Harry?" James said, going a little cross eyed at his own question.

Sirius just shrugged, with his arms still crossed on his chest, glaring moodily down at the book. "Honestly, I'm with Harry, can't think of to many reasons the Minister himself would make an appearance, and be so relieved to find him alive, and be happy about him not going into Hogsmeade."

"I see your point," Remus nodded, "but why is it bothering you so much?" Sirius seemed to be taking this as offensive as if someone had just told him he was going to be a mass murderer.

"Excuse you?" Sirius spluttered. "How would you like it if I turned to you and said, hey, someday soon people are going to think you want Harry dead, let alone being the one to kill him."

Remus flinched back at all of the repressed venom Sirius was showing, but not angry one bit. He nodded in acceptance and apologized.

Sirius backed off at once, but he still looked a mixture of peeved, confused and hurt all the same. James exchanged a look with Lily, then said, "time to play musical chairs you two."

Harry, surprised, got to his feet and followed his mother over to the two seater couch Remus and Sirius had just vacated, placing Sirius in the middle of James and Remus. Harry thought he understood why once James leaned his weight imperceptibly into his best friends. Harry very dearly wanted to offer comfort as well, but recognized he could do no more than give false reassurances like his mother that everything was going to be okay. What Sirius needed now was both Remus keeping him in check, and James support.

It hardly fixed the main problem with him, but they really couldn't think of anything else to say on the matter. No one here could think of much else about how wronged Sirius had been, but there was no way to fix it until they found out exactly what happened. Sirius very dearly wanted the exact opposite of Harry finding these things out, but there wasn't much he could do to stop it. The very idea that Harry would be the one who found out what a horrible murderer he would apparently become made him want to burst into tears, it wasn't fair that he might finally have a chance in this future to get to know the baby he loved so much now, and it would be forever tainted with Harry possibly fearing and hating him.

Yet Harry insisted he must have met Sirius at some point, and he had no ill feelings towards him now, but was he trying to lie and sugar coat it? He didn't ask, unable to decide which answer would be worse.

Looking quite pleased with himself now that he could keep a better eye on Sirius, James took up the book and read.

Harry didn't know quite what to do with all of his free time now. He'd never been allowed before to go wherever whenever.

"That would make any kid your age all kinds of happy," Lily agreed.

He kept his promise to Fudge and kept to Diagon Alley, but it was such an interesting place that wasn't a hard chore. He spent every morning inside the Leaky Cauldron just watching all of the customers interact, witches and wizards comparing their buys of the day, fascinating creatures who blended in, and at one point Harry was quite sure a hag eating raw meat.

"I've sat around there a fair few times just to people watch," Remus agreed, wondering how on earth they could even keep going in such a normal tone after the bombshell that they'd received.

He then reflected it wasn't any odder than the whole situation of reading a book about the future.

Lily was just pleased the whole place wasn't storming Harry again. She supposed he'd blend in better without Hagrid, and said gamekeeper shouting his name.

After that he'd hit the streets, wandering up and down all of the shops and doing more people watching, where the customers were either talking prices, or

James grimaced almost as bad as if he'd had to say mudblood again. If someone had told him at the start of this book Sirius would turn out to be alive, he would have skipped around dancing with joy no matter what the reason, now that he did have his reason he wanted to vomit and scream all over again at the unfairness of it all. He declined against saying this aloud though, worried it would make Sirius feel all the worse, considering how much he flinched at his own name as well as he continued.

talking of Sirius Black, where one mother swore she wouldn't let her children out of the house until he was put away again.

Remus gave a weak, unamused chuckle, picturing some random person actually being afraid of a boy who had once cried all day because Remus had once accidentally turned his hair green, and it had taken a few seconds to correct the colour changing spell and put it right. Sirius had then given an exaggerated hurt expression all day about how Remus had 'shown how he really felt about sharing a house with him.' It was beyond ludicrous that a single person would really think so ill of one of his closest friends.

Harry was now free to do his homework where he chose as well, and favoured doing it in the local ice cream shop where the owner, Florean Fortescue, was very knowledgeable about his essay and was prone to giving Harry free icecream.

"Dang," James grinned, "now how come I never got that treatment."

"Because you would have eaten him out of house and home before the first hour was up," Lily replied at once.

It became a real chore for Harry once he did visit Gringotts not to go out and empty his whole vault.

"Well here's to self-control," Remus smirked.

He found himself wanting nearly everything he came across, including a lifelike model of the galaxy, which would have allowed him to quit his Astronomy class.

"Don't be silly Harry," Lily chided, "you'd still have to take the class, you'd just have an easier time on your homework. Honestly, I wouldn't even be bothered if you'd bought something like that for school."

Then Harry told her the price, and she did a double take before nodding seriously and saying, "okay, good thing you didn't buy it then."

The worst temptation came about in his favourite store, Quality Quidditch Supplies.

James' voice immediately spiked with glee, this could only mean something good. Remus leaned in eagerly as well, and Sirius finally looked almost normal again. What better way to distract him from something so horrible then his favourite sport.

He had to squeeze himself inside the shop to find a new model broom on display.

"Sweet," Sirius cried, almost bouncing in place as his eyes lit up like a child, "a new broom! I thought the new Nimbus sounded fantastic, this must be even better!"

"What are all the models anyways?" Harry asked. Yes he'd had an in depth discussion with Ron about this, but he was enjoying watching the three boys acting like their high-strung selves again, and actually wanted to delay the reading for a bit.

James looked ready to jump in and try to describe the brooms in high detail, when Lily butted in saying, "relevant information James," in a singsong voice.

James froze, and glanced over at her with a very hurt look on his face. "I find this very relevant!"

"Yes well I found the reason Astronomy is important to be very relevant," she snipped back.

James frowned, clearly struggling to remember when this had come up, then he offered, "okay, I get to tell Harry about this, then you can tell him about the importance of tracking stars."

Lily grinned and agreed, then James quickly launched into his explanation first. After a lively discussion of nearly every make and model, Lily almost regretted giving in to James, she found it so boring at one point she slipped out of the room to go in and check on baby Harry. James seemed to be winding down by the time she had reentered.

Once he was done, Sirius said in a suffering voice, "alright, so why are we forced to take Astronomy for five years?"

Lily replied with a bit of an impish smirk, "I would like to remind you all, in the very first chapter that 'odd' watch it mentioned Dumbledore owned. All of you knew how to read and understand that because you learned Astronomy."

"So we can read a fancy watch," James dismissed, "we do own analogue watches. We only use those more for traditional reasons now. Got anything else?"

"It's also very important in potion making," Lily continued as if James hadn't spoken. "It doesn't do a Potioner any good to have to sit around and take hours to figure out the position of the planets, which are important in many advanced potions. You need to be able to know and understand this in a very particular frame of time, so if you want a career in Potions you must keep up with Astronomy."

Harry nodded, very curious about this indeed, but it was clear the other three boys were getting rather bored with this conversation. Lily considered going on anyways, just for a bit of payback at James boring her stupid with his broom talk, but lamented that you really couldn't force knowledge, so she agreed to allow the reading to continue.

The shop owner was explaining to the crowd that this model was going to be the broom of choice for the Irish International team, and they were favoured to win the World Cup.

"Really?" Remus butted in eagerly. "They've gone up in the rankings."

"Just tell me what it is already," Sirius demanded, nearly bouncing in place in anticipation.

Harry finally found a break in the crowd enough to read the title on a little plaque, The Firebolt.

"It's a new model all together," James breathed, nearly drooling as he could only picture it, not having a previous model to go off of.

"Well read the sign already," Sirius all but begged, looking near to snatching the book away just to read it himself.

There was a sign underneath detailing every inch of the broom's top of the line standards.

The boys spent just as long interrogating Harry on every detail he remembered of this broom, and Lily simply sat back and watched indulgently for a few minutes before cutting in again and trying to convince them to move on. James huffed and grumbled for a bit, but finally accepted.

The price wasn't even listed though, and Harry reflected it would do him no good to empty his school vault for a new broom when he still had a perfectly good one on him.

Lily beamed with pride as she said, "I'm so proud of you. I can't imagine many boys your age, or older," she cut herself off to give an obvious look at the other three boys, "would take the time to consider that."

Harry blushed a bit at the praise, thanking his Mum. After a pause, the boys finally admitted they were happy Harry didn't buy the broom either, thinking in rational sense of course. It didn't stop them from wanting it any less either.

This didn't stop Harry from coming back every day just to look at it though.

Sirius nodded like this made absolutely perfect sense to him, making Harry laugh anew.

He did have some things he was required to buy though, like new school robes which were getting several inches too short.

"How come they don't have some kind of place in school to fix that," Harry asked, this having bothered him several times towards the end of the school year. "Honestly, how come they don't have any way to fix your clothes, I've ripped the hem of my trousers several times and just had to ignore it till summer." He was also thinking of a few other times, like the basilisk biting his arm and leaving a sizable gap in that sleeve as well for the last few weeks of school.

Sirius looked perfectly back to normal after the nice long Quidditch distraction and explained for Harry, "the house-elves have been known to take care of the worst of them, like for instance the time Peter got a hole ripped on his backside, long story," he added on when Harry looked about asking for details. "They also put some kind of charm, I think, on them when they go in the wash so that they don't need them every bloody time you have to deal with Herbology. Dirt repelling charms, and maybe they strengthen the material or something, I've never stopped to ask to be honest."*

Harry reflected that he'd never really thought about it, as the Gryffindor boys had a laundry chute that just seemed to magically clean their clothes and shoot them back out perfectly folded, but it did make sense.

There were also his new textbooks for both his old classes, and his new ones Care of Magical Creatures, and Divination.

"Well, at least you did get your stuff," James muttered, mostly to himself as he remembered worrying about this, and trying to push away the impending feeling that they would just have to rehash that same conversation at the beginning of next book since Harry would still have to go back there! He grit his teeth for a moment before forcing himself to go on in that same light tone as before, not willing to let his good mood be spoiled again so soon.

Harry did get a surprise though, when he went to the bookshop and saw a window display of the Monster Book of Monsters.

"Oh," they brightened in understanding at Hagrid sending Harry that book.

Remus stated, "guess that makes sense then, Hagrid would have sent you a textbook for one of your new classes."

"That's not what Kettleburn set us though," Sirius pointed out, "so why the change?"

"You don't think there's a new teacher?" Lily asked in concern, never having taken the class herself, but curious all the same.

"Wouldn't surprise me," James shrugged, "he would be how old now? With two limbs missing? In fact, you remember Hagrid's letter, he was going to tell Harry something, like a surprise? Guess this might have been it. Of course Hagrid would get chummy with a new Care of Magical Creatures teacher."

"Great, so we're going to have to deal with three new teachers this year," Sirius rolled his eyes, "I can only hope they're at least competent. Harry hasn't exactly had a good track record so far."

"You can say that again," Harry agreed, wondering why this year in particular made him feel like correcting Sirius on this. Had he finally gotten a decent teacher, at least for DADA?

They weren't happy about it though, as they were locked in a giant cage tearing each other's pages out.

Sirius released a surprised snort of laughter, picturing books fighting having never come to mind.

Harry looked at his book list for the first time and saw the book listed as the one he'd need for Care of Magical Creatures, and couldn't help almost sagging in relief. He'd been having horrible ideas about Hagrid perhaps wanting help with a new animal.

"Oh don't," Lily shuddered in true terror, "I don't want to have to deal with anymore of Hagrid's pets."

"Well I seemed to be wrong," Harry soothed.

Harry went inside, and the moment the store owner laid eyes on him, he demanded to know if Harry was from Hogwarts, and when he said he was, the man pushed Harry out of the way,

"Well that was rude," Remus frowned.

"What's his problem," Sirius agreed huffily.

going for a thick set of gloves and making his way towards the cage of biting books.

"What a jerk," James agreed with a frown. "Harry might not have needed that book even if he did already have it. Care of Magical creatures isn't mandatory for Hogwarts."

Harry stopped him though, telling that he already had that book. The man couldn't have looked any more relieved if he wanted to, saying he'd already had to deal with five paper cuts this morning.

Lily winced in sympathy, but didn't bother to say anything out loud this time. He really had been presumptuous in his actions.

From inside the cage came another tearing sound, coming from two of the books having pinned down a third and tearing its back off.

"Hope you'd at least get a discount on that book," Sirius laughed.

The owner shoved a cane inside and forced them all apart, complaining of what a nightmare they were to have around. It was worse than the time he'd bought a shipment of Invisibility books, and never found a single one of them.

"Ah," Lily said in confusion, "I don't get it, they didn't use the counterspell to make the books visible or...?"

"Don't know," Harry shrugged, "didn't ask for details."

Harry showed him the list of books he did need though, one of which was Unfogging the Future. He led Harry over to the Divination section of the store, and Harry read the back of the book which detailed what he would learn, including palmistry and bird entrails.

"Bird entrails?" James repeated in disgust.

"Well it sounds like an interesting class at least," Remus chuckled.

Harry's attention was off guard though, when he spotted another book labelled Death Omens. The owner looked where Harry was, and told Harry that wasn't a good book to be reading, he'd start being paranoid about death being everywhere.

"Should he really be telling someone not to buy a book from him?" Sirius laughed.

"Well I appreciate it," Lily shrugged, noting Harry seemed to have a pessimistic side enough as is, he didn't need that extra help.

Harry was still watching though, as the front cover was of a very large black dog,

"I'm not that big," Sirius scoffed, growing uneasy all over again at any kind of mention of him, even his animal.

Harry gave him a pitying look, declining to mention that his own imagination might have made that black dog in the alley way bigger than it might have really been.

remarkably close to the one he'd seen that night in the alley. The shop owner really did distract him by escorting Harry around to gather the rest of his books, but he was distracted as he left the shop and accidentally smacked into a few people on his way back to the Leaky Cauldron.

Now all four of them were frowning, each taking a worried glance at Harry. He was still frowning at Sirius, a perturbed look on his face. Finally Sirius couldn't take it anymore and said, "you're starting to scare me there Harry, what's on your mind."

Harry jolted slightly, Sirius didn't usually refer to him by his actual name, but he gave him a benign smile as he admitted, "guess I just didn't realize your animagus form was a death omen, and you know, not knowing then..."

Remus released a surprised snort of laughter, admitting, "yeah, it honestly did surprise us a bit too when he first achieved his transformation, Peter's a bit superstitious and actually called him a Grim."

James gave a surprised laugh himself, nodding and saying, "we were actually going to use that as his nickname, we kicked around a few things before we settled on what we've got."

"I can see how it would freak you out a bit," Lily nodded in agreement.

He dumped all of his stuff to the side and sat down heavily on his bed, thinking about how he'd seen that dog not moments before his head had nearly been crushed under the wheels of a bus. Aloud, he told himself it hadn't been a death omen,

Sirius winced, and began ducking into himself, wanting to apologize for clearly frightening Harry so much, since by this point they really were convinced that must have been Sirius, the coincidence was just too high. Before he could let himself feel too much pity though, James absently gave him a nudge with his elbow, and Remus flicked his ear. Sirius was instantly distracted from his thoughts and instead was playfully grumbling about how his friends abused him.

saying he was just overthinking about that stray dog he'd seen.

"Now that I'll disagree with," James said lightly, still keeping a protective eye over Sirius to make sure he wasn't going to sink back into that self-pity again.

Harry nodded in understanding, trying to catch Sirius' eye to give him a confident smile, and succeeding after a moment; receiving one back almost instantly.

Looking into the mirror, he began to try and flatten his hair with nerves.

"Now there's a lost cause," Lily said absently.

The mirror spoke back that Harry was fighting a losing battle with that one.

They all laughed weakly then, but Sirius still wasn't in much of a mood to make the joke Lily had just mimicked a mirror of all things.

As the holiday continued to drag closer to the end, Harry began spotting some of his school friends, like the other Gryffindor boys Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas who stopped to have a chat with him. He also saw Neville Longbottom, but swerved to avoid him,

"Why?" Remus asked. "I thought you liked Neville?"

"Wait for it," Harry told him simply.

as he was currently being told off by his haughty looking grandmother.

"Yeah, no one wants their friend around when they're getting told off," Sirius agreed.

Harry dearly hoped she never found out he'd tried to use Neville's name while on the run.

James released a surprised burst of laughter, personally he would have been flattered, but he could see the other side to that coin.

He woke up on the last day before school started, thinking he had just missed Ron and Hermione in the crowd and he'd see them tomorrow on the train.

"That is a little weird," Lily agreed, coking her head to the side slightly, "they said they were going to be there."

"Haven't you been sending them mail with Hedwig?" Remus asked. "Didn't they know they could find you at the Leaky Cauldron."

Harry shook his head no and said, "I didn't send Hedwig anymore that summer, it was to close to the end of the holidays, and I didn't know if she'd be back in time with an answer before I had to go back to school."

The others disagreed, wanting to point out that Hedwig would have known to go to Hogwarts even if that were the case, but didn't argue the point.

He got up to go and have one last look at the Firebolt,

James read that with nothing but fondness colouring his tone, knowing full well that was something he would have done too.

and was traveling that way when he heard his name being called from behind. He turned and found his two best friends waving over at him.

"Finally," Remus grinned.

"I have missed hearing about them," James agreed affectionately.

Ron was saying how happy he was to find Harry, that they must have just missed him at the Leaky Cauldron,

"Then how did they know you were staying there?" Lily asked.

Harry shrugged and said, "I'm sure I ask him, since I was just wondering the same thing."

and they'd already gone around and got their own shopping done. Harry said he'd already done his as well, then asked how they knew where he was staying. Ron simply put that his Dad knew.

"Makes sense," Sirius shrugged, "he knew about you last summer too, you seem pretty popular in his department."

"I get the feeling everyone inside the Ministry always knows about me," Harry replied, not exactly happy about it.

This didn't surprise Harry, as Arthur Weasley worked for the Ministry and would have knowledge of his Aunt's mishap. Hermione brought up this very subject, asking if Harry had really blown up his aunt in a serious voice.

"Oh yeah, she's never heard me speak, how'd she do an impression of me?" Sirius demanded.

James sniffed, choosing to ignore Sirius on that one, as he told Harry, "Go on, tell her the reason you did, and that stern voice will turn to outrage in a second."

Harry just shrugged without a response, having a good idea he didn't actually do that.

Ron burst into laughter at once at the reminder while Harry lamely explained away he'd just lost control.

The four of them frowned at Harry sharply, not at all pleased this seemed to be the only explanation he was going to give his friends, but Harry was resolutely ignoring all eyes, and they admitted there was no sense badgering him about it now.

Hermione told him off, saying it wasn't supposed to be funny as Harry could have gotten into real trouble for that. Harry agreed he was surprised he didn't, and asked Ron if his Dad had any idea why Fudge hadn't?

Now because of Sirius, they wondered if maybe they had taken too light of the situation before, but none of them said it out loud. Sirius was still looking all kinds of moody any time this subject came up, so James refused to linger on it too long.

Ron just shrugged it off, saying it was because it was the Harry Potter. If he'd pulled something like that, the Ministry would've have his head, but then again they'd have to dig him back up as his Mum would've murdered him.

"I like to think Ron wouldn't be put in that situation any more then Harry, or at least his Mum would have understood," Lily said, mostly to herself it seemed as the boys seemed to find that comment more amusing than anything.

Then Ron told Harry that the lot of the Weasleys, and Hermione, were going to be staying at the Leaky Cauldron that night with Harry, so he could go to the train with them tomorrow.

"Excellent," Harry beamed, more than pleased to hear about this, he'd missed his friends terribly over that summer.

Harry said this was excellent.

Then they all laughed a bit more as Harry blushed slightly at mimicking himself.

Ron changed the subject then by pulling out a long thin box,

"His new wand," Remus grinned.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," James snorted as he read.

showcasing his new wand. He also laughed back about when they'd told that shop owner they'd wanted two of the Monster Book of Monsters, and how the man had nearly cried.

"Poor guy," Lily said in sympathy, wondering why the store hadn't simply found a better method of shutting those books closed with a belt like Harry, and simply selling them that way.

Harry then asked Hermione what all she'd gotten, as she had three bags ripping at the seams with all of her books. Hermione proceeded to list every extra subject Hogwarts had to offer, including Muggle Studies.

"How many classes is she taking?" Sirius asked faintly.

"Why's she taking Muggle Studies?" Remus demanded. "She's a muggle-born?"

"How can she even take all of those classes?" James frowned. "Some of them run at the same time."

Harry didn't have an answer for any of this, but he asked something he'd been wondering for a while, "which classes did you guys take?"

"Arithmancy," James and Lily said at once. 

"I also took Muggle Studies," James added on with a sheepish expression, "I ah, just never paid much attention when, well, Lily didn't seem to think it very impressive when I started talking about electricity, I lost interest by the end of the year and stopped paying it much mind. Dropped it after fifth."

Lily snorted at remembering all that, he was playing up even remembering that much she was sure, it wouldn't surprise her if he'd paid Sirius to do his homework for him when he realized she hadn't been impressed one bit by this. "I took Study of Ancient Runes instead," she told her son aloud. 

"We both took Care of Magical Creatures," Remus said, gesturing towards himself and Sirius, "but I took Arithmancy too."

"Muggle Studies as my second option," Sirius responded, stretching out slightly as he forced himself to relax again at this rather normal conversation, might as well enjoy it while it lasted. "Oh and Peter took Study of Ancient Runes and Arithmancy with James," he added on thoughtfully, thinking Harry would like to know more about their other friend even if he hadn't met him yet.

Harry nodded happily, enjoying the fact he didn't seem to be getting that settling feeling that normally came with relearning things. This meant he'd never learned this about his family before, and he always enjoyed that. These glowing feelings managed to shove out some nasty little pang he suddenly felt at hearing Peter's name. That hadn't come up before this book, why this year in particular would he get a surgence for that name?

Ron demanded to know why his friend was taking Muggle Studies,

Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus quickly said, "yes Sirius, I mimicked Ron, let it go."

Sirius just smirked at him, enjoying the moment anyways.

as she was a Muggle-born. Hermione said that she wanted to see wizards point of view on them, it would be all sorts of interesting.

"Props for that," Lily agreed, never having thought of that point of view before.

"Still wouldn't take the extra class," Remus said in disbelief, thinking this poor girl was going to overwork herself in the first week.

Harry asked her if she'd planned on any time for eating or sleeping, but Hermione ignored them both.

"That's a legitimate question," James said, his own amusement still lingering. He was picturing her come midterms and going to at least two professors to drop one of her extra classes just for a breath of fresh air, no one could keep up with that much!

Instead saying that she had some leftover money and wanted to buy herself a birthday present, and Ron suggested a book. Hermione politely declined,

Sirius snapped his fingers and said, "darn, guess she already realizes she's not going to have much time for free reading this term."

and said that what she did want was an owl.

"Did she talk to her parents about that before though?" Lily asked in concern. "I asked my parents for an owl for years, but they never gave in to that one."

"I think a girl like Hermione, she most likely did," Remus pacified.

Saying that as Harry had Hedwig and Ron had Errol, but Ron corrected that was a family owl, not his.

"And it's kind of recommended they get a new owl to," Sirius agreed, wincing in sympathy for the old bird.

What he did have was Scabbers, his old rat, who was looking quite sickly himself.

"How old is he?" James asked in concern.

"Don't know," Harry shrugged, "Ron's never said specifically."

"Most only live for about five years I think," Lily said, frowning as she thought about it. "Ron said Scabbers used to be Percy's, and that was almost three years ago at this point. Assuming Percy got him very young, he'd still be getting on."

'Poor Ron' they all thought this time, not wanting the poor kid to have to go through the trauma of losing a pet.

Harry led the way to the local Magical Animal shop where both of his friends could attend to their needs, and they walked inside to find a large assortment of every fascinating animal.

"That sounds like all kinds of fun," Lily said in amusement.

"It's one of my favourite shops," Remus agreed.

"Surprised you didn't interrupt me every animal to say what it actually was," James told him.

"I'm not that bad," Remus scoffed, unwilling to admit he'd been mentally doing that anyways, though his friends knew better and exchanged superior smirks like they had when he'd given them an hour long chat about those color changing snails known as streelers.

Ron went up to the counter first while Hermione began browsing the owls, which came in every colour and breed. Ron explained that Scabbers had been acting rather lethargic of late, while Harry was thinking about how Scabbers had once belonged to Ron's older brother Percy, and next to the cage of younger rats, Scabbers looked particularly old.

"Bet he's still better than those," Sirius sniffed, feeling a particular affection for Scabbers, like he would for any rat that reminded him of Peter, and the description was a pretty good fit, not to mention the time he'd bit Goyle. That could never be sullied.

The woman at the counter picked up the rat by his tail, asking how old exactly he was, and Ron didn't know the actual age, just that he'd been around for a while. Scabbers was inspected from his torn ear to one of his missing toes, and noted that most of this species wouldn't live longer than three years.

"Well she's just a lovely conversation," Lily frowned severely, that was hardly something you told a child asking for help with his pet.

"And some can live longer," Remus agreed a little hotly, still feeling bad for Ron and wanting to defend his pet, even if he wasn't there right now.

She offered Ron to buy a replacement, pointing at the cage where the black furred rats were playing an odd game jumping over each other's tails. Ron just muttered that they were showing off.

James chuckled, he'd actually been fixing to say something similar before he read Ron's response.

The woman switched tactics and instead offered Ron some medicine for Scabbers, calling it Rat Tonic. Ron agreed he'd buy that, beginning to ask for the price, when he screamed in pain.

Lily jumped, James had yelled that pretty loud, then scowled at him when she realized he was still reading, "what was that for?"

"Ron said it," he shrugged, giving her a cheeky grin before reading curiously.

Harry was startled to see something very large and dark orange landing on Ron's head, then leaping onto the counter after Scabbers.

"A cat I presume," Remus said mildly, arching a brow in surprise, "though props to it for getting out of its cage."

Sirius popped him lightly, saying, "you really want that thing to eat Scabbers in front of Ron?"

Remus just rolled his eyes as James continued.

The woman screamed for Crookshanks to stop, but Scabbers wasn't waiting around, wriggling out of her hand and bolting from the shop. Harry and Ron tore after him, catching up to him curled up underneath a trashcan. Ron demanded to know what had attacked him, and Harry explained it was either a very large cat, or a very small tiger.

Which made everyone in the room laugh at Harry's attempt at humour.

They made their way back to the shop for Hermione who should have gotten her owl by now, only to find her walking out of the shop with the same cat in her arms.

"Really?" Lily demanded. "She bought the cat that attacked Ron's pet?"

"I'm trying to decide if that's her subtle way of saying Ron annoys her," Sirius smirked.

"Hermione's hardly subtle about anything," Remus snorted.

"I'm kind of with Lily," James frowned in disapproval, "it was almost rude of her to buy something that went out of its way to eat Scabbers like that."

Harry wasn't paying much attention to any of them, but was instead fighting the impulse to rub at his temple again. He'd never thought too much about Scabbers other than as Ron's pet, and he had no real feelings towards Hermione buying whatever cat she wanted, but there was something here he wasn't really seeing. Something important he really should remember about these two pets, James hadn't seemed to notice his son's silence as he continued.

Ron was outraged she'd bought the cat that had tried to eat his rat, and Hermione ignored him by stating that he was a beautiful creature. Harry didn't really agree, its fur was very thick and poofy, its legs a too short for its long body, and it had a squashed face like he'd run face first into a wall.

Both Sirius and Remus released surprised snorts of laughter at that lovely description.

Hermione was cooing to her cat that she hadn't really meant to hurt Ron, but Ron was still arguing that Scabbers didn't need the hassle of a cat around, he needed his peace. Hermione was frowning at him now as she handed over Ron's Rat Tonic, telling how Crookshanks had been in that store for ages as no one had wanted to buy him.

"That's a real mystery," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Lily huffed and gave him the stank eye. Despite her misgivings about Hermione buying that particular cat at that time, she had nothing against the actual animal. It was in its nature after all, and Sirius mocking it just annoyed her.

They went back to the Leaky Cauldron, Ron and Hermione arguing the whole way, Harry phasing it out. When they got inside, he greeted Mr. Weasley at the bar, looking at the front paper where Sirius Black was still on display.

James frowned and grit his teeth for a moment, annoyed at once all the good mood seeping right out of the room at this near constant reminder. He wanted more than anything right now to find out what had really happened to his best friend, but the repeating commentary on him was grinding his gears.

Harry asked if there was any new news on him, but Mr. Weasley said that even though they'd pulled some people off their normal jobs to find him, they'd got nothing yet.

Instead of allowing his mood to sink back down, Sirius said in a forced happy voice, "I think I should get some credit for that at least."

Remus gave him a pointed look that said quite clearly he still didn't find him making light of this situation any kind of funny, but no one told him off for it this time. It was better than him being depressed anyways.

Ron asked if whoever caught him would get a reward,

Sirius opened, then quickly closed his mouth. He had been fixing to ask how much his head was worth, but decided he really didn't want to know the answer to that.

but Mr. Weasley snapped at his son not to go getting any ideas, and Harry noticed he looked a lot more tense than usual.

James voice spiked a bit in confusion upon reading that. What did this have to do with the Weasley's really? Why would it put extra strain on Arthur, or was it something else altogether? Most likely it was the second.

Reminding them that it would most likely be the Azkaban guards who would catch up with him,

Sirius shuddered so hard at those words, he nearly shook the whole couch with him. Those guards were one of the reasons he felt like fainting at the mere thought of where he was fixing to spend the next twelve years of his life in a very short amount of time. He'd been around a Dementor once in his life, and the thought of forcibly being stuck in their presence for any prolonged time made him want to run for the hills without looking back.

James really couldn't take it this time, and wrapped an arm around his friends shoulder for a brief moment until Sirius did stop his shaking again. He waited until Sirius offered a weak, unreal smile, but at least he attempted it, giving James enough confidence to keep reading and pray for a change of subject.

Remus was trying to swallow back bile at seeing his usually energized friend reduced to this state, while Harry dearly wanted to ask who on earth these guards were if they elicited such strong reactions from people he could hardly imagine being afraid of anything. First Hagrid, now Sirius, what on earth happened in this Azkaban? He still didn't ask though, not wanting to be the one to linger on this.

The rest of the Weasley's arrived then, Ginny coming in last and going red in the face upon seeing Harry. She'd always had a bit of a crush on him, and his saving her life last year most likely hadn't changed that.

"Just what I wanted to be reminded of right now," Sirius whispered, thinking about that horrid Chamber the least helpful thing to get his mind off of death and regrets.

Percy spotted Harry as well and marched forward, offering his hand to Harry and welcoming him in the most formal way possible.

James forced as much amusement as he could into this small interaction, perhaps speaking a little louder than was necessary to make sure Sirius got his fill of what he was sure was about to be an amusing moment. Anything with the twins and Percy in the same room almost always meant a laugh.

Fred couldn't let that slide, shoving Percy out of the way and mimicking his brother's actions as pompously as possible,

Then James grinned, looking all too smug at being right, and just as pleased to see a genuine smile come back to his friends face at these twin's antics.

George quickly copying him as well. Percy scowled at both of them.

The boys were outright laughing by this point, and Lily couldn't help but smirk along.

Molly Weasley told them to knock it off, but Fred wasn't done yet, pouncing on his mother's hand and going on about seeing her as well.

Lily shook her head affectionately while this only doubled the boy's amusement.

She really did get them to stop this time, before turning on Harry and giving him a warm welcome before boasting that Percy had made Head Boy, the second of her sons to have done so. Fred muttered he was going to be the last as well.

"Now that's not really fair to Ron," Lily frowned at him.

"I agree," James nodded. He enjoyed being Head Boy in his time, but Percy was being the wrong kind as far as he was concerned. In fact he'd rather enjoy it if Ron got that opportunity, he'd very much noticed the boy's lack of confidence in himself and some responsibility like this might just help him.

Mrs. Weasley wasn't pleased at the slight, pointing out neither of the twins had been made prefects.

"That might be a little awkward," Remus noted, "only one of the twins getting that."

Sirius nodded, agreeing, "yeah, I'd almost feel bad for them."

George scoffed he'd be mad to want such a thing, it would take all the fun out of their life.

"I resemble that comment," Remus smirked.

"I think you meant resent," Lily corrected him, even knowing he had used the wrong word on purpose.

"That to," he laughed.

Ginny laughed at her brothers, and Mrs. Weasley noticed that to, so she snapped at the twins to set a better example for their sister.

While no one else in the room took much notice of this, Harry suddenly looked puzzled. He had a rather distinct feeling Ginny wasn't nearly the sweetheart her mother wanted her to be.

Percy said she had much better brothers to look to for an example, before exiting up the stairs. George confided in Harry they'd tried to lock that brother away in a sarcophagus in Egypt, but their Mum had caught them.

"Rats," Sirius huffed, snapping his fingers in agitation.

Lily gave him the stank eye, even though she knew he didn't mean it anymore then George had.

They all had dinner together that night, and Fred was asking his Dad about how all of them were getting to the train tomorrow?

"I'm getting hungry," Sirius said at once, his mouth watering at the thought of dessert.

"You're always hungry," James reminded him.

Lily ignored the pair, it was still a bit too early for lunch, so instead said, "that's a good question though, since they don't have the Anglia anymore."

Mr. Weasley explained that his job was loaning him a couple of cars,

"Well that was nice," Remus said, rather puzzled.

"Do the Ministry normally do this?" Harry asked at once, noting how confused the others seemed.

"They're not known to," James shrugged, "it's not their business to make sure every one of their workers gets around, but I suppose Arthur might have been able to make an exception for you," he finished, giving Harry an obvious wink. He didn't really find it funny, the reminder of his son's fame was only a thought away from how he'd gained it, but it made sense.

Harry nodded in understanding all the same.

Percy asked why, and George quickly cut in by saying it was all thanks to Percy. They were even going to put flags on the car for him, saying HB, while Fred finished up the joke by stating that it stood for Humongous Bighead.

Which gained a laugh from all present readers.

Everyone except Percy and Mrs. Weasley snorted into their pudding.

"I like the fact that means Arthur laughed as well," Remus grinned.

"Those twins had to get their sense of humour from somewhere," Sirius smirked.

Percy ignored them and repeated his question.

"That boy needs to lighten up," Lily rolled her eyes.

Mr. Weasley did explain that he'd managed to convince the Ministry to do him a favour, but he was going red just like Ron did when he was being pressured.

"Good to note an obvious Weasley tell," James grinned, feeling rather smug he must have guessed right from this.

Mrs. Weasley changed subject to asking if they were all packed, and Percy told his mother how Ron wasn't, he'd put all of his books all over his bed.

"That boy is annoying," Sirius rolled his eyes, "what brother points that out to his parents about his sibling?"

Mrs. Weasley told Ron off for this at once, while Ron gave Percy a dirty look.

"That was a nice reaction," Remus rolled his eyes, thinking of a couple of worse things Ron could have done in retaliation.

When dinner was done, Harry heard a ruckus coming from Percy and Ron's shared room, and he went over to find them both arguing. Percy's Head Boy badge was missing, along with Ron's Rat Tonic, and they were both convinced the other had taken it. Harry said he'd last seen Ron's Tonic at the bar downstairs, but Percy wouldn't let Ron leave until his badge had been found.

"What's Percy's right to tell him that?" Lily demanded hotly. "It's his badge, not Ron's. Ron's not the type to take it for fun."

Harry offered to get Ron's stuff, going back onto the stairs, but coming quickly to a stop when he heard Mr. and Mrs. Weasley arguing.

"Ouch," James winced in sympathy, wondering if this is why Arthur had looked so upset earlier. Were he and Molly having a fight?

Harry would have normally kept walking, not wanting to be caught listening in on this, when he froze at hearing his own name,

That sparked an interest in all of them, wondering how the couple could be arguing about Harry of all people.

so he inched closer to the door.

No one could blame Harry for that one bit, it was the normal reaction after all.

Arthur was saying that he wanted to tell Harry something, that he had every right to know.

"Know what?" Remus asked with unease, not liking the look of this already.

James didn't bother with a response, hoping the book would explain more properly

He'd been arguing with Fudge about this, who'd been insisting on keeping Harry in the dark. Molly shot back that it would horrify him if he knew.

This short little bit already had Lily worrying at her lip all over again, and the boys weren't looking any better. What worse thing could be going on right now?!

Arthur pointed out though it would be for his own good, he and Ron had already been known to end up in the Forbidden Forest twice,

"Technically," Harry butted in, shifting his weight in agitation due to the mood circling around, "I've been in twice, Ron's only been in once."

"So Arthur was generalizing," Sirius huffed, his eyes narrowing, "that doesn't explain what they're so bothered about."

Harry winced at the sharp tone he used, though it clearly wasn't directed at him specifically.

but Harry couldn't do that kind of stuff this year. It was a miracle he'd lived the night he'd run away from home. If the Knight Bus hadn't come and got him, he probably wouldn't have been found at all.

James groaned and looked ready to toss the book away in anger. Why did he keep getting all the chapters that felt like mentioning how his son could die?

Sirius looked the opposite, ready to faint all over again as he vividly remembered how upset Fudge had seemed that night as well. He hardly wanted confirmation that his theory was right, but it seemed he was about to get it anyways.

Molly was insisting that hadn't happened though, so there was no point in telling him, but Arthur argued back that they say Sirius Black is out of his mind!

James' voice spiked all over again, having several testy retorts on his lips for that, but quickly bit them off. It's not like he could blame the Weasleys for thinking this, they didn't know any more about Sirius then Stan had. It just boiled his blood to know anyone thought that way of someone he considered a brother.

Sirius winced and pressed himself back into his seat cushions, wondering just how accurate that accusation was? Azkaban was known to drive people to death if they were there long enough, and his sentence more than met that time.

Remus was getting paler the longer this went on, clenching and unclenching himself up as he, like James, wanted very much to snap at someone for implying this about his friend.

He hadn't met the man to argue the point, but it didn't change the fact that he'd been out for weeks and no one had any leads on him. They only knew one thing, what he wanted.

"Is that right," Lily hissed, her eyes narrowing dangerously, "he's told you this, or is it more guess work and slandering?"

Molly was still insisting it wouldn't matter, Harry would be in no safer place once he was at school, but Arthur argued back that if Black could break out of Azkaban, it would be no problem for him to break into Hogwarts.

Sirius opened, then closed his mouth again. How he had broken out of Azkaban, he had not the slightest clue. The thought had never even occurred to him to figure out how, and he wasn't keen on sitting around pondering it now. However, he did have the fullest confidence that if any student wanted to sneak in and out of that school, he was more than qualified. Everyone here knew this though, and he just couldn't muster up the energy in that moment to say it with as much bragging rights as he normally would have.

Molly tried to pacify that they weren't positive Black was after Harry,

Sirius winced at that nightmare of a sentence all over again, never mind that he himself had suggested it earlier. It hardly made him feel better he was obviously right this time.

James was resolutely ignoring him, wanting to laugh at how stupid that sentence was, and hoping for a clue what his friend really would be doing.

but there was a thunk inside, and Harry had the suspicion Mr. Weasley had smacked his hand onto the table in frustration before explaining that Fudge had told him a secret. He'd been to see Black the night before he'd escaped, and the guards had spoken of Black's nonstop muttering in his sleep, 'he's at Hogwarts.'

Remus wrinkled up his nose in disgust, having to force himself to cut off a mocking laugh at this. Personally, if Sirius really was 'after' Harry, then to him it wasn't even that surprising. Sirius' first thought would be to go to his Godson, make absolutely sure he was okay. It wouldn't even surprise him to learn if Sirius did end up spending the rest of his time hiding around and dogging Harry, waiting for a chance to talk to him and try to explain himself.

Black was crazy,

"Not used to hearing you refer to me by my last name," Sirius said quickly, desperately casting his mind around to distract himself from this depressing topic, even for the shortest amount of time. "It's really weird. I keep thinking you're talking about my Dad or something."

"Half wish I was," James grumbled, turning the page so viciously he almost ripped it out.

and he wanted Harry dead.

James gagged slightly again, but refused to let himself be cut off this time.

Arthur was convinced in fact that Black was under the delusion if he killed Harry, You- Know-Who would return.

Lily's brows shot into her hairline at that, what an odd thing for anyone to think.

Black had lost everything the night You-Know-Who had vanished, and he's spent these past years thinking of nothing but that.

"Well he's got that part right at least," Sirius whispered to himself, casting an almost longing look around this once peaceful scene, and one more towards the ceiling where the baby was. Certainly not in the way Arthur had meant it, but he was more than sure a piece of him died that night this family was torn away from him.

Molly finally gave in, saying that if Arthur felt he had to tell Harry this, then do it. Then she added on that she was still positive Dumbledore wouldn't let anything happen to Harry, adding on he did know of this secret, yes? Arthur agreed that he had been informed, as they'd had to ask him if he'd allow the Azkaban guards to be on the school grounds that year.

Sirius felt another terrible spasm rock him. If he was going to be hanging around Harry this year to try and talk to him, he'd probably be deterred by that!

"You're joking," Remus groaned, going a little green there for a moment.

"Sadly not," James almost growled, finding this to be a horrible idea the longer he thought about it.

"Surely he said no," Lily gasped, "letting those, things, around children!"

Harry couldn't help it anymore, this was such a vivid reaction from them he finally burst out, "who are these guards?"

The four of them exchanged uneasy looks, no one wanting to be the one to answer him.

Finally Remus swallowed back the bile in this throat to answer him. The whole time he talked, Harry was nodding and seemed to be settling down at the information like he always did, but there was something new going on this time. He seemed to be watching Remus with a steady kind of look.

Harry was trying his hardest to simply listen to the awful explanation, but he was having trouble fighting down a sense a Deja vu, like Remus had told him this before. That was ridiculous though, right?

Once he was done, James was quick to read on, wanting more than anything to stop talking about all of this.

Dumbledore had agreed to the idea, though he wasn't happy.

Lily huffed and grumbled something under her breath, that they all heard and agreed anyways.

Molly was shocked, asking why wouldn't he be happy if they caught Black?

James paled to the colour Sirius currently was, knowing he'd rather die than let his best friend be dragged back into living with those things.

Arthur pointed out how much Dumbledore hated dealing with the guards, and while Arthur would normally agree with him, when dealing with people like Black, it was a necessary evil.

Both James and Remus' voice spiked as they started to protest that sentence, but Sirius was the one to cut them off, only being able to speak just loud enough to catch their attention. He was still having some problems breathing properly to speak to loudly as he said, "thanks guys, really I mean it. Come on though, you can't start yelling about this every time it comes up."

"You bet your arse I can," James snapped right back.

Sirius rolled his eyes indulgently, then took a moment to smile over at Harry. He looked just as frustrated as anyone else, but Sirius now knew how the other boy was feeling about people yelling at something he'd rather just skip. It wasn't the same thing, not by a long shot, since Sirius found it more than relevant that they should know what happened at the Dursleys Harry wasn't talking about, but at least he could sympathize the feeling now.

The conversation ended there, and Harry scrambled farther down the stairs as the parents went to go and check on their kids. Further down the stairs, Harry found Fred and George snickering in the shadows, as they'd been the one to steal Percy's badge and had been making improvements on it, as it now read Bighead Boy.

Sirius forced a laugh, but he was the only one who attempted.

Harry forced himself to laugh, went and found Ron's Rat Tonic and gave it back to him, before going back to his own room, his mind stuck on one thing. Sirius Black was after him.

James scoffed deep in his throat, while Sirius sunk all the lower, unable to find anger this time. He'd thought it was bad before, but now he not only found out his horrible little theory was right, but Harry was still learning about him like this! It made him want to burst into tears and break someone's ribcage all at the same time.

This time Remus slung his arm across his friend's shoulder, and leaned in to whisper something in his ear. It didn't make him laugh like normal, but it brought up a weak smile none the less, erasing that look however temporarily.

It did explain things, like why Fudge had been so relieved to find Harry alive he'd let him slide out of punishment, and why the Ministry was sending cars for the Weasley's, all the better way to keep an eye on Harry until he was safely on the Hogwarts Express.

James had to cut himself off every few minutes to mutter what nonsense this was, but he got through most of it intelligibly.

As he reflected on all of that though, he realized he wasn't actually scared.

That finally released a bark like laugh from Sirius. It was far more subdued than normal, but he turned gleaming eyes on Harry anyways.

Harry was quick to return it with a smile and say, "probably because I knew deep down you couldn't hurt a butterfly if you wanted to."

"I almost resent that," he said in an attempt at a snooty tone of voice, "I can be plenty vicious when I want to."

"Couldn't hurt me then," Harry amended.

Which made them all beam with unrestrained pleasure. They could have sat around trying to convince Sirius all day about this, but in his mind it would have been more like false hope. He just couldn't shake the horrible image swirling around his brain that he'd gone crazy in that place, and could actually harm his little pup. Coming from Harry though, even his instincts rather than actual memory, made him want to get up and hug his godson all over again that he was still so confident of this feeling no matter what he heard.

He did of course remember how Sirius Black had ended up in prison, and clearly all of Harry's elders thought he'd be terrified to find he was next on the list, but Harry agreed with something Mrs. Weasley had said, there was no better place for him then Hogwarts. Surely since his headmaster had been the one man Voldemort himself had feared, it stood to reason his second

All five of them snorted in disgust again, never not finding that one of the most laughable and insulting things yet.

would feel the same.

"I'm respectably afraid of the Headmaster," Sirius opinionated, though no one had asked him he felt obligated to answer anyways. "There's a difference!"

"Sure Padfoot," James said in a soothing voice, giving him a condescending pat on the head, making Sirius swat it away and call James something that made Lily snap, "Sirius!"

Harry and Remus were reduced to laughter again. It didn't fully erase the unease that this topic kept bringing up, but it did remind them all that they were still in the present time. This was not a bloody prophecy to come, they would fix this mess!

Harry also decided that these guards must be something to recon with, and if they were blocking all entrances to the school, surely there was no way Black could get in.

Sirius scoffed, this time his cocky nature made a full appearance. No damn dementors were going to stop him from seeing his pup.

No, what in fact was really keeping Harry bummed out, was the fact that all of this meant he most definitely was not going to be visiting Hogsmeade this year.

Which made the four of them dissolve into renewed yet sad laughter all over again. To them, their world was still tipped upside down because of this constant reminder of such news, and yet Harry was still stuck on this one small thing in the grand scheme. It wasn't really funny, it still made them want to cry that Harry would never properly know Sirius as the Uncle he should have been, but in that moment it was better to laugh then cry.

Sadly Harry now reflected that everyone else would consider this a good thing he'd be locked away in the castle for the year. Then his annoyance began to spike as he realized they all thought he couldn't handle himself. He had come face to face with Voldemort three times now,

"Not something I wanted to be reminded of," James pointed out, "no matter how impressive it is."

he wasn't completely useless.

"Useless," Remus rolled his eyes, "is the wrong word for sure."

"Besides, I've no doubt you could take me down just by batting your eyes a certain way," Sirius grinned, smiling indulgently at the boy, "so maybe they should send you after me."

This time James popped him lightly on the back of his head, ignoring that stupid comment.

Then his mind once again flashed back to that stray dog, that omen, before he snapped out loud to himself that he wasn't going to be murdered!

"Of that I'll make sure," Sirius whispered, mostly for James benefit who looked all the more annoyed now Harry himself was saying that type of stuff. At Sirius comment though, James relaxed like he never had before during this story. Hagrid, Dumbledore, and the Weasleys were a great source of protection for his son, but he did recognize in that moment the light in this dark subject. Sirius was free, and he would sooner give his own life then let anything happen to Harry. He prayed to Merlin it would never come to that sort of thing, that there would be a miracle sometime soon and the real cause for Sirius' imprisonment would be found and Sirius would be free to look after Harry as he always properly should have, and that was the most reassuring thing of all.

His mirror told him to keep his spirits up.

"That's the end of the chapter," James declared trying to pass the book along to Sirius, who didn't exactly look keen on reading.

HPHPHP

* question submitted by RoyalRose161, if anybody has any other plot holes or just random questions you'd like to see me try and explain away, feel free to ask.

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 1, Ch. 8

PART 1: WHERE IT ALL BEGAN Chapter 8 - The Potions Hero

Penny

It was about a month before we would have to take our first-ever final exams. I was so excited as I was good all year, did all my homework plus some extra credit work in Potions, of course, and I just couldn't help to feel prepared.

Unfortunately, I couldn't say the same for my friends who were oblivious to the fact that the final exams were coming. I have been warning them for about 2 weeks now but the replies I got back, made me think that they were going to be in big trouble if I don't nag them even further.

“Oh, come off it Penny, we still have plenty of time.” Tonks said to me one morning as I tried to slip the final exams into our conversation as we were meeting our friends for breakfast in the Great Hall.

“Penny, you are overreacting.” Tulip rolled her eyes over dinner the next day. “We have plenty of time and besides we are not doing so horrible at school that we ought to be worried about exams! How much harder than a few essays can they be?” She sounded really confident.

Charlie and Nova gave me the most trouble as I could hardly catch them as they spent more and more time outside. Nova kept relying on my notes more and more and when I heard that they are thinking of skipping a History of Magic lesson to go to Hagrid's I flipped.

You should have seen the look on their faces when the whole Courtyard turned in our direction as I was practically yelling at them that they simply can't be that irresponsible.

Nova's mouth was open and I could see guilt in her eyes and Charlie blushed so much that he looked like a tomato with red hair.

After I've threatened them that I will not lend them my notes for the final exams, they finally started to listen to me and now I take every opportunity we spent together as a group to remind them of the exams.

—

One morning, when I woke up and Tonks' bed was already empty and nobody was outside the Hufflepuff Common Room entrance and nobody was at the Courtyard or in the Great Hall, I was beginning to think that they have started avoiding me for nagging them so much.

Then an idea came to my mind that was almost impossible to believe. Could they be in the Library? I thought incredulously. I grabbed a quick bite in the Great Hall and hurried to the Library.

I've made sure to be as quiet as possible entering as Madam Pince would have my head if I spoke a word too loud. I looked around and at first thought that they weren't there after all. But then I spotted 2 redheads at the table in the far back. Charlie and Tulip were sitting with Nova and Tonks. They were all facing the bookshelves, their heads stuck together.

For a moment I felt proud as I thought they were finally studying but as I got closer...

“Okay, so what's the plan?” I heard Tonks whisper to the best of her ability.

“I reckon we should just ask her nicely.” Nova said, scratching her head.

“Are you mental, did you forget how she yelled at us in the Courtyard for being irresponsible wanting to skip History of Magic that one time, because I haven't? Her voice is still haunting me at night.” Charlie's voice shook a little.

“Well, what else can we do? It's not like we can force her?” Tulip said and gasped as if she couldn't believe what she just said.

“We can try!” Tonks already warmed up to the idea.

“Tonks, don't be ridiculous! Penny is our friend.”

“Shhhh!” Madam Pince shushed them as Charlie said the last sentence a little too loud for her taste.

“I am confident that if we apologize to her and ask her nicely, she would love to help us.” Nova felt confident.

“Hi guys, what are we whispering about?” I decided to play a little joke on them and stuck my head next to Tulip's who was on the left side of the head-sticking group.

“Ahhh!” There was a loud bang as they all jumped up and Tonks hit her knee at the table, their hands on their chests as I scared the living ghosts out of them.

I had to put both hands over my mouth not to laugh too loudly but it was in vain as Madam Pince was next to our table so quickly as if she has apparated.

“You either leave right now using your legs,” she glared at every single one of us, whispering, “or I will drag you out by your loud mouths.” She crossed her hands on her chest and pointed her long finger to the door.

I followed the lot to the Courtyard, them looking quite embarrassed but for me, this was the pranks I wanted to pull on people, not the ones Tulip, Tonks and Jae usually had in mind. Mine at least won't get us to lose House Points.

Tulip, Tonks, and I sat on the bench while Charlie and Nova sat on the ground in front of us.

“Soooo,” Tonks looked as if she swallowed a chili pepper, “how much have you heard?”

“You are planning something that might or might not be forced upon me.” I giggled, still amused, their faces frightened.

“Well,” started Nova, while scratching the back of her head. I bet she got that from Charlie, as he did it every time he was too shy to say something, “it has dawned on us that the final exams are approaching.”

“Oh, really?” I responded in a sarcastic tone.

“And we were,” Charlie continued, doing the same scratching motion as Nova, “we were wondering if you could help us study for our Potions exam?” He said as quickly as his tongue allowed him.

“Just for the Potions exam?” I was skepticalabout that.

“Yeah, we were talking and we are doing pretty good with Herbology. We are already doomed in History of Magic as even you haven't been taking notes. Nova will help us with Transfiguration and Charms, while Charlie helps us with Flying and Defense Against the Dark Arts and I will lend everybody my notes and hand when it comes to Astronomy.” Tulip revealed their plan.

“So you have all been studying?” I couldn't believe that they actually had a plan.

“Of course, we have, Penny!” Charlie exclaimed. “You've nagged us so much that we didn't have a choice, now did we.” He chuckled.

“As much as we don't want to admit it, we do care for school and our exams, Penny.” Tonks grinned.

“Tonks and I have been studying Herbology and Astronomy in the Kitchens for the past week.” Said Tulip proudly.

“That's what you've been doing in the Kitchens?” I couldn't help but be startled.

“Mischief isn't the only thing we do, you know.” Tonks sounded offended.

“Yeah and Hagrid has been helping Nova and I study for the Defence Against the Dark Arts. We studied so many beasts this year and he knows so much about them. That's why we were planning to go to Hagrid's the day you yelled at us at this exact place.” Charlie pointed a finger behind him to the middle of the Courtyard.

“You weren't going to go to Hagrid's to ask him again if he can take you into the Forest?” I asked incredulously.

“Nah, we gave up on that. It's almost the end of the year and he did promise to do it once we are in our Second Year so we decided to give it a rest. Make him forget about it a little.” Nova grinned.

“Sure!” Tonks and Tulip replied at the same time, giggling.

“Wow, I didn't think you were taking me so seriously.” My hand on my mouth as I couldn't help but be astonished at their achievements. “You even wanted to skip a class to study for another class.” I extended my arms at Nova and Charlie, proudly.

“We got your hint, Penny.” Chuckled Tulip.

“So will you help us study Potions?” Asked Tonks, now all 4 of them looking at me like Fang when he wanted scratches.

“Of course I will help you study!” I exclaimed. “I would help you lot even if you didn't start yet.” I admitted and they squeezed me into a tight hug.

We decided that we would start the next day and I stayed up all night to make them each notes on the most important things that I was confident are going to be on the exam. I also made them sheets that would help them remember potion ingredients and their most common uses. As for myself, I've made a plan what I would teach them, how, and where.

Obviously, Madam Pince wouldn't let us in the Library all together probably until the next year. So, in the morning when we all met for breakfast and I gave them everything I've prepared for them, we decided that staying at one of the tables in the Great Hall was going to be our best option.

After a few days, Nova and Tulip were doing the best. Nova had all the potion ingredients for all 3 major potions we worked on this year memorized. Tulip exceeded my expectations as she gave me not 7 but 8 reasons why Firecrab cauldrons are not as important as one might think. As much as Tonks was trying she still couldn't memorize the right ingredient sequence for the Sleeping Draught and Charlie was struggling to understand why do we need 5 reasons why a potion has to be stirred in a specific direction and why the other way around could be very harmful.

—

Later that week we got our Final Exam Schedule.

I've read it aloud:

“Monday – morning Charms theoretical exam, afternoon Charms individual practical exam

Tuesday – morning Herbology exam, afternoon History of Magic exam

Wednesday – morning Flying practical exam, midnight Astronomy practical exam

Thursday – no exams

Friday – morning Potions theoretical exam, afternoon Potions practical exam

Monday – morning Defense Against the Dark Arts theoretical exam, afternoon Defense Against the Dark Arts individual practical exam

Tuesday – morning Transfiguration theoretical exam, afternoon Transfiguration practical exam”

“Defense Against the Dark Arts practical exam?” Repeated Charlie. “We didn't even do any practical spell work in class!” He felt offended.

“I guess Rakepick assumed we would learn them on our own.” Nova shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, to be honest, we did learn some of the same spells in Charms, haven't we.” I thought out loud.

“I guess.” Charlie rolled his eyes. “It's nice to know that we have until Friday to study Potions, though.” His mood recovered.

—

I have to say that I was very proud of every single one of my friends as they were all fairly prepared for their Potions exam on Thursday night. We did have to shake Tulip awake a couple of times when her eyes started to shut as she was repeating different kinds of cauldrons in her head.

Of course, our study group didn't go unnoticed and by Wednesday afternoon Murphy, Jae, and Andre, who stopped to talk to Tulip and Nova as he was a Ravenclaw, joined.

On Friday, nobody except me and Charlie, who was obviously a nervous eater, ate breakfast as others rather nibbled on their nails, lips, or mumbled words to themselves as they were revising before the hardly anticipating Potions exam.

Nobody wanted to talk about the theoretical part, they saw it as a waste of time as they wanted to prepare themselves for the practical part of the exam. I was leaning on my hand in the Great Hall, looking at them as I was listening to their murmurs, counting on fingers, and rubbing the sides of their foreheads. I knew I had amazing and smart friends but I couldn't help but smile as I was so proud of how much effort they actually put into their least favorite subject.

[carriagelamp]

~ Queer Lit 30 Day Book Challenge ~

I decided to do this challenge I came across for June! Originally it was designed as a “day-by-day” thing, but my June was way too hectic to do a write up every single day… so I decided to make a nice compilation for the end of the month instead!

This is perhaps not the “purest” form of the challenge but I wanted it to be personal for me. Growing up when I did and where I did, I had very little exposure to queer books, especially age-appropriate queer books. That being said, there’s some books on this list that are really only “queer” by technically, or through a secondary character rather than the main character. I debated whether to include these but finally decided that, yes, I would. I owe it to myself. Even though some of these books that aren’t “as queer” as other, they were (or are) really important to me as a queer person and my journey is understanding that, so I wanted to acknowledge them!

More info about the books and the challenge under the cut!

Day One: First Queer Book You Remember Reading

Color by Taishi Zaou and Eiki Eiki

Remember how I mentioned a lack of available, age-appropriate queer books? I was one of those kids who was definitely exposed (probably too young) to queer manga/yaoi. It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted, especially as a wee ace teen, but it was the best I had at the time and it meant the world to me at the time, to see same-sex relationships even if looking back on them is very “YIKES”.

I’m sure I read others before this, but Color is one of the first that I really remember and which I a) actually owned and which b) wasn’t completely repellent in hindsight! I haven’t reread it in probably over a decade so I have no idea how it stands up, but at the time it read like a much more “realistic” account of two teenagers developing a crush and starting a relationship and as a questioning teenager it really helped me realize that this was a real, viable option.

Day Two: Queer Book That Reminds You Of Home

The Witch Boy by Molly Knox Ostertag

I hummed and hawed about this one for a long time because honestly I tend to read books that make me feel far from home. I decided to go with The Witch Boy though because it’s a story that challenges gender norms and stars a large family out in the woods, running wild and exploring magic, and honestly it gives me vibes that remind me of vacationing with my extended family. We’re also partially ginger and inclined to run wild in the woods. If we knew magic we’d have used it for sure.

This book is about 13 year old Aster, who lives in a family where the women all become witches and the men all become shifters. Aster, however, has no interest in shapeshifting and instead finds ways to study magic and learn the arts of witchcraft while constantly being pushed out by his female relatives… though everything might change when a new danger, that may or may not be connected to Aster studying magic, begins to appear.

Day Three: Queer Book That Has Been On Your TBR Too Long

Beneath The Citadel by Destiny Soria

That was an easy choice, this has been sitting on my bookshelf for months, staring at me accusingly every time I enter my room. I’m really excited to read it (Magical heist? Rebellion? With an asexual protagonist? Yes please) but for some reason I have not gotten around to it. Some day, baby, some day.

Day Four: Queer Book With A Name Or Number In The Title

George by Alex Gino

George is an absolutely charming middle grade novel about a child named George who the world perceives as male… but who knows she’s definitely a girl. The novel begins when her class decided to put on a play about the novel they had just read: Charlotte’s Web. George is desperate to play Charlotte, her favourite character, but isn’t even allowed to try out because it’s a “girl’s role”. George and her best friend struggle with how to handle this problem and manage George’s secret amid elementary school and home drama.

This book is really adorable – it was a nice, easy, cozy read for an adult, and would also make a great read aloud to elementary-age children if you want to introduce them to transgender characters.

Day Five: Queer Book Where The Protag Has A Fun Job

The Magic Misfits by Neil Patrick Harris

Not actually a queer protagnoist, but a queer side character who plays a major role in the series. Mister Vernon, one of Leila’s fathers, has arguable the coolest job: he’s a retired stage magician turn magic shop owner, which is complete with large rabbit, hidden room, and tons of fascinating gadgets to help a young practical magician learn their trade. He is hands down one of the neatest character in the series and is a major catalyst throughout the series.

The first book follows Carter, a runaway orphan who practices street magic to get by, as he runs away from his horrible uncle and winds up meeting a gang of magic-loving friends in a small town. Hiding from his uncle is only the beginning though, and the mysteries surrounding the town and Mister Vernon become thicker and thicker as the series goes on.

Day Six: Favourite Queer Graphic Novel

Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu

There’s lots of fantastic queer graphic novels out there, but I have to name Check, Please! as my favourite (and not just because I’m Canadian and am legally obligated to at least show interest in a hockey story). Check, Please! is the friggin cutest story about Eric “Bitty” Bittle, former figure skater and avid baker, who joins the Samwell University hockey team. The story is told in the form of Bitty’s vlog as he recounts the bizarre quirks of the Samwell hockey team, his struggle to overcome his fear of checking, and his growing crush on the team captain, Jack. Seriously guys, this is cavity-inducing sweetness and you can read it all online for free, here on tumblr @omgcheckplease or at its own website, checkpleasecomic.

Day Seven: Queer Book You Often Reread

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

Another book I haven’t reread in years, but this was the first queer novel I ever read (and owned!) so I read it obsessively, first the copy from the high school library and then my own copy (which is, let us say, well-thumbed by this point). It was pure fluff, in an aggressively diverse, relentlessly accepting, rainbow-coloured high school and it was exactly what I wanted in high school, and it still makes me happy whenever I remember it. It’s a straight-up high school romance, pretty traditional to the genre, but it has the most delightful supporting cast you could ever ask for. Maybe I should reread it again this summer…

Day Eight: Queer Book With A Happy Ending

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst

This was a bit more of a “yeah it was fine” book for me, but honestly… queer people deserve some average, run-of-the-mill YA fantasies. As far as my normal reading preferences go, run-of-the-mill YA fantasies are my bread and butter. And this one has a cute sapphic romance to go with it. It’s about Denna, a princess with a dangerous secret: she has a magical Affinity for fire, despite being betrothed to the prince of a kingdom that aggressively prosecutes and fears magic-users. So now Denna is in a strange land, trying to hide her increasingly volatile magic, solve an assassination that rocked the kingdom, and deal with the growing connection between her and the prince’s wild sister, Mare. It has court intrigue, a murder mystery, horses, and lots of confused sapphic pining so it’s totally worth picking up if you want a light summer fantasy adventure.

Day Nine: Queer Book With (Over) 100 Pages

River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey

I decided to try to get as close to 100 pages as possible! River of Teeth is a 114-page novella that I haven’t quite finished (work and covid stress happened) but which I am fucking losing my mind for. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s peak alternative history, about queer hippopotamus-riding cowboys in Louisiana during the early 20th (late 19th?) century. Like… I don’t know how to emphasize how unbelievably cool this book is. Genderqueer demolition expert with a giant crush and a penance for making things blow up and attempting to poison guests when they’re bored?? Check. Gay gunslinging hippo-riding cowboy with an angsty backstory (and also a giant crush)? Check. Sexy, fat, badass lady con artist with an albino hippo that she spoils? Check. Like damn guys. I’m not done the book and I’ve already bought the sequel because I know the second I pick it back up I’m not gonna stop until I’ve ploughed through it all. This book is the epitome of “refuge in audacity” and “rule of cool”. Is it over the fucking top? Absolutely but that’s the point.

Day Ten: Favourite Queer Genre Novel

The Red Scrolls of Magic by Cassandra Clare

I’ll be honest, I’m a little shaky on what counts as a genre novel (isn’t… everything… a genre??) so I decided to interpret it as “slightly trashy YA supernatural fantasy” because that sure is a hella specific genre I’m weak for.

I really thought I was done with the Shadowhunter novels, I thought they were a goofy series I left behind in teenagerhood that I could look back on with amused indulgence. And then I found out that there was a novel specifically about Alec and Magnus and! Oh no! Ding dong I was wrong. I fell back in hard because listen… I love them. They were one of the first canonical same-sex relationships I ever read about in an actual novel, they meant a lot to me then and still mean a lot to me now. I have nothing to say to defend myself here except that this book wrecked me and I can’t wait for the sequel.

Day Eleven: Queer Book You Love In A Genre You Don’t Read

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamaki and Rosemary Valero-O’Connel

I am very rarely a slice-of-life / romance genre sort of person. I like my stories cut with a heavy dose of fantasy, scifi, action-adventure… something. So a graphic novel that’s not only a romance, but one about an unhealthy relationship and infidelity is like… super outside my usual range of reading material. But it was very much worth the read! The art was stunning, and the complicated emotions it tapped into really touched me. I’m very happy to have read it, and was so damn satisfied by the end.

Day Twelve: Queer Book With A Strong Sense Of Place

Belle Révolte by Linsey Miller

Linsey Miller is one author I very actively follow, I love her works and they always have very distinct, complicated worlds with unique societies and magic systems. Belle Révolte was her latest book and followed a prince-and-the-pauper type of story, in which wealthy Emilie des Marais is determined to learn noonday (magical) arts in order to become a physician, someone who can actually work to make her home a better place… but this is not something a proper lady would ever be allowed to do. So she flees her finishing school and meets poor, but magically gifted, Annette Boucher and offers her the chance to switch places. Annette goes back to school as “Emilie” and gets to hone her skills at the midnight arts while Emilie will use her name to sneak into medical school and fight her way up the ranks to physician. This is a challenging enough task, with rebellion roiling just beneath the surface and the country about to slip into a arrogant war that threatens the lives of hundreds…

Day Thirteen: Queer Book That Really Made You Think

Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

This is a four book manga series that is completely breath-taking. It’s touched by magical-realism and completely drowned in visually stunning metaphors and symbolism. Seriously, I’ve reread these books multiples times trying to digest how the wide variety of symbols overlap and contradict and compliment and challenge each other. I still haven’t really gotten a solid handle on it, it’s very fluid, so yeah… definitely makes me think.

The story starts with Tasuku Kaname who believes he may have just been outed as gay by a high school friend, and feels like he’s watching his entire world crumble around him. He is seriously considering taking his own life, when he runs into the mysterious woman “Someone-san” and winds up leading him to a drop-in center that’s run by a local non-profit, and is also a hub for a number of queer people in the community. The books follow Tasuku as he grows, learns, makes mistakes, and confronts his feelings, along with a number of other members at the drop-in center. It is completely beautiful, optimistic, but also quite stark and harsh at its look at homophobia and transphobia in modern Japanese society and how it can effect people in different ways. I just bought book four and can’t wait to read it and see how everything ends.

Day Fourteen: Queer Book That Made You Cry

The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline

Holy shit guys. Listen. Listen. If you don’t read any other book on this list, please consider reading The Marrow Thieves. It is hands down the best book I’ve read so far this year. Another book that doesn’t have a queer character as the protag, but as one of the main supporting characters and listen, his story fucking destroyed me as a person. That romance just… aaaaaaah. AAAAAAAAH.

Anyway. The Marrow Thieves is a Canadian dystopian novel. It takes place in a post-climate change world in which society has been ravaged – partially due to the wildly different and extreme weather patterns, but also through a strange disease that has spread through the population that has left people completely incapable of dreaming. Now unable to rest, process their lives, and dream of a future, people are being driven insane and only one group appears to be immune: North America’s First Nations people appear to be unaffected. And so they begin to be harvested, rounded up and collected in “school” in order for people to suck the marrow out of them to give to white people afflicted by this disease. The Marrow Thieves follows a First Nations boy named Frenchie as he flees the recruiters and tries his best to survive in this post-apocalyptic like wilderness, banding together with other First Nations people who are heading north, where they hope to find communities of their own people with whom they can shelter and start to rebuild their lives.

It’s a YA level novel, not very long, and such an insanely good read. I cannot emphasize enough PLEASE GO READ THIS BOOK. 

Day Fifteen: Queer Book That Made You LOL

Mostly Void, Partially Stars by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor

Welcome to Nightvale always makes me laugh and it was a lot of fun to get to read the transcripts of the episodes. I’m a sucker for novelizations/transcripts of shows. It was a nice nostalgia trip and gave me an excuse to go back and relisten to some of my favourite episodes too! If you’ve never gotten into Nightvale… hey, it’s a classic! Podcast is fucking stunning if you’re into podcasts, and if you’re not but would enjoy a weird, queer, eldritch horror comedy then try the book! It’s the first “season” compiled in text form, exactly how it’s heard in the show.

Day Sixteen: Queer Book That Is Really Personal To You

Jughead volume 1 by Chip Zdarsky et al

Including this one because gee golly it sure did make me want to fight a lot of people for quite a while. It was one of the first stories I ever found/read that had an explicitly asexual main character… (and a character I already really loved! Which I now got to feel an even stronger connection to! It was so fun and validating!) so it was super awesome how like half of tumblr decided for a year there that this was apparently a cardinal sin. Imagine… one single version of old, long standing comic series deciding to retcon a character to represent a heavily under-represented community… imagine being so fucking angry about that that you decide to start a hate campaign on the internet. So much fun to live through that as an ace person. Anyway, these comics were nothing amazing but I sure do love them aggressively out of pure spite, even now that the aphobia on tumblr has died back down I will hold this to my chest and adore it.

Day Seventeen: Favourite Queer Book Sequel or Spin Off

The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee

Honestly do I even need to say anything here? Is there any queer person who hasn’t read Mackenzi Lee’s The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue series? If you are someone who hasn’t read it yet… go do that?? Absolutely stunning, one of my all-time favourite book series. It’s the perfect combination of hilarious and goofy, intense action, heartfelt character development, and a dash of “wait was that supernatural or??” This sequel was fantastic, this time focusing on Felicity, Monty’s sister, and her quest to become a physician despite being a woman in the 18th century. Awesome look at femininity, feminism, asexuality, and race. (Also… OT3? OT3.)

Day Eighteen: Favourite Queer Book By A Favourite Author

Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett

One of those “ehh is this technically queer? Not really but close enough, it is in my heart” books. It was one of the books I read as a teenager when I was still beginning to seek out and try to explore queer lit in so much as I could.

Terry Pratchett is, hands down, my favourite author, and though he doesn’t tend to write explicitly queer literature, his exploration of gender through allegory is top fucking tier. Everything to do with the dwarves in his series is fascinating, and a really great challenge/critique/exploration of gender, and this is the book that takes it to the next level (and brings in at least implicitly queer characters). It’s about Polly Perks, who lives in a small, war torn nation, choosing to join the army in order to find out what happened to her brother. However, as tradition dictates, she can’t join as a girl… so she disguises herself as Ozzer, a young man. There’s a lot of twists and turns, and as always Pratchett delivers fantastic humour and just absolutely delicious satire.

Day Nineteen: Queer Book That Changed Your Life

And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson

This was the book that made me realize that I, as a queer teacher, could have queer kid lit in my future classroom. Maybe a comparatively small revelation, but a really important one to me. It made me realize that this didn’t need to be something I kept a secret in my professional life and which could really positively influence children, especially queer children. It was the first queer children’s book I ever bought.

Day Twenty: Favourite Queer Book Series

Candy Color Paradox by Isaku Natsume

Alright… I’ll admit it, this isn’t actually my favourite series, but I’ve used my favourites in other spots. And this is a good one! Definitely more of an actual “yaoi” than the other manga I’ve included (here there be sex) but it has a very different vibe that what I’m used to from that type of manga. The main pair are actually both capable, mature adults, with careers they actively care about, and who get together in the first volume! 

The rest of the series is less about them angst-ily toeing around their relationship, and much more about them learning to grow as a couple and balance their work and relationship and society. It’s funny and sweet, and I really enjoy these two losers. It’s a very low-stakes enemy-to-friends-to-lovers story, in which Onoe (a reporter) and Kaburagi (a photographer) are paired up on a news story they’re supposed to dig into together. What starts as a bickering rivalry gradually becomes respect, friendship, and love~ Onoe is a gremlin of a protag, so he’s a treat to follow.

Day Twenty-One: Queer Book That You Recommend A Lot

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller

To repeat myself: Linsey Miller is awesome! This is my favourite book of hers, the first of a duology. It’s kind of like an intense, edgy Tamora Pierce novel with murder. In this world, the Queen has a team of assassins known as the Left Hand. They’re an elite group that keeps the Queen safe and does the dirty work that needs to be done to protect the kingdom and keep the encroaching nations at bay. When the assassin Opal is killed, a contest is announced to find the new Opal. People from all over come to complete for the honour of being one of the Queen’s royal assassins, including gender-fluid thief Sallot Leon. Sal has some deep motivations to become Opal that go beyond a loyalty to their kingdom, but they’re going to have to survive their competitors if they even wants a chance at it… (Sal generally goes by either she or he in the books, but I’m using they in this instance since it’s in a more general sense.)

Day Twenty-Two: Queer Book That Made You Take Action

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

Uhh, I don’t really have any books that made me take action per se, but this one sure gave me a lot to think about. It’s about deep sea mermaids who originated from the pregnant slave women tossed into the ocean to drown during passage to North America. From those dying women, this race was born and were taken in by whales, raised and protected until they could descend into the deep ocean waters, to form their own safe society. Their collective past is so painful though that as a species they’ve developed a very short term memory. But a people can’t live without any ties to their roots and so one of them, the Historian, holds all the memories for their entire species and shares it with everyone once a year so that the community can be connected to their ancestors before once again returning the memories to the Historian for safe keeping. Yetu, the current Historian, is so overwhelmed by these memories, that she can no longer take it – she flees her people, her responsibilities, and her pain and escapes to the surface instead...

Day Twenty-Three: Queer Book By An Author Who I Killed Is Dead

Cybersix by Carlos Trillo

I cannot emphasize enough, this is not actually a queer comic, it is in fact a very homophobic, transphobic and sexist comic written by a horrible person.

That being said, he’s dead and I own it now the TV series was essentially about a genderqueer superhero and a very confused bi biology professor who has a crush on both personas. I had a passionate crush on both personas as a child, and I will cherrypick this comic until I die in order to enjoy the only kickass genderqueer/genderfluid noir antihero I’ve come across. I am valid and I am not open to debate or discussion. Do not read this comic it’s horrible (but consider watching the show).

Day Twenty-Four: Queer Book You Wish You’d Read When Younger

The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang

This is such an incredibly soft story with the nicest art. There’s so much understanding and compassion in it and its exploration of gender and self-confidence and being true to yourself would have been very reassuring to me as a child, especially by late elementary/middle school. 

Day Twenty-Five: Queer Book In A Historical Setting

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

A retelling of Achilles’ and Patroclus’ relationship from childhood to the Trojan war. So yeah, you can imagine that this was also a candidate for Day 14 :’) I haven’t read this one in years but god it was lovely and emotionally destroyed me as a person.

Day Twenty-Six: Queer Superhero Book or Comic

Overwatch: Reflections by Michael Chu and Miki Montillo

I don’t really read superhero stories very often (the comics have always driven me a little bonkers, trying to find a way to enter the totally unapproachable Marvel/DC canons, and the MCU burnt me out years ago for every other sort of superhero story) so this is the closest I can get. Tracer’s a superhero yeah? Anyway, I, like every other queer person in the Overwatch fandom, lost my fucking mind when this dropped for Christmas a few years back and officially declared Lena Oxton not only the face of the entire franchise but also a lesbian. It’s an adorable little comic and Tracer’s girlfriend is a sweetheart.

Day Twenty-Seven: Favourite Queer Children’s Picture Book

Prince & Knight by Daniel Haack

There’s a number of sweet queer children’s books that are popping up these days, but this is my favourite just because it’s less about “explaining the gays to children” (though those books also have their place) and more of a cute little fantasy adventure in which the actual protagonist is gay. It’s about a prince who sets out to find himself a bride who can help rule by his side, but it quickly becomes clear that he isn’t interested in any of the girls. Instead, when a fire breathing dragon threatens his kingdom, he meets a brave knight who fights along side him. It’s very supportive and the art is lovely.

Day Twenty-Eight: Queer Book That Made You Feel Uncomfortable

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

This is a book with an asexual protagonist that I was originally really excited for. I know there are a lot of people out there who really enjoy this book and connected with it, but it didn’t do it for me. Maybe because my expectations were too high, but the protagonist’s experience with asexuality was vastly different than my own and the narrative voice ended up rubbing me wrong (and let’s be honest, slice-of-life romance is NOT my usual genre at all). So it’s not “made me uncomfortable because it’s Bad And Wrong” more just… totally vibed wrong with me. Maybe the perfect book for other people but definitely not for me, I had to return this one unfinished because it’s portrayal of asexuality just made me so deeply uncomfortable.

Day Twenty-Nine: Queer Book That Made You Want To Fall In Love

The Gentleman’s Guide To Vice And Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

This book had to make it on here somewhere, and honestly it could have gone in a lot of different spots, but I chose to put it here because the relationship between Monty and Percy is so incredibly sweet and authentic it really does make you want something like that. TGGTVAV (for anyone who has somehow not heard of it) takes place in the 18th century, and is about Monty, his best friend (and crush) Percy, and his sister Felicity going on a final “hurrah” tour of Europe before Monty's father finally tries to pin him down in England and force every part of Monty that’s deemed “unacceptable” out of him. So Monty intends to live this summer up… until everything goes off the rail and the three of them are suddenly fleeing across the continent with assassins at their heels and a strange, stolen artifact in their possession.

Monty has a lot of growing to do in this novel, and that’s one of my favourite things about it. For his and Percy’s relationship to ever have a chance, Monty needs to learn and change and actually communicate with other people, and it makes the relationship feel strong. Not a fluffy, surface level romance that often happens in YA but something built from the ground up by two friends who really want to make it work. Ahh, it’s lovely. One of my favourite novels.

Day Thirty: Queer Book With Your Favourite Ending

My Brother’s Husband by Gengoroh Tagame

A two-book manga series that was completely stunning. It deals with queer relationships and homophobia in a very stark, real-world manner that you don’t often get in manga, while still being incredibly loving and sympathetic. The book is about Yaichi, a single father whose estranged brother (Ryoji) recently died. One day, a Canadian named Mike arrives, introducing himself as Ryoji’s widower. Mike had come hoping to visit his late husband’s homeland to try to get some closure, and Yaichi ends up inviting Mike to stay. The whole story looks Japan’s societal biases, through Mike’s experiences, Yaichi’s thoughts, feelings and prejudices, and those of his daughter who adores Mike. 

Seriously, this is one of the kindest, most earnest looks I’ve ever seen to internal prejudices that critiques them without demonizing the person who feels them. Instead it lovingly embraces grief, growth, and love. This series made me cry multiple times, was good enough that even my straight brother practically ordered me to go out and buy the second book when he finished the first, and the ending was just *chef’s kiss*

Honourable Mentions

A few books I really wanted to fit on my list somehow but couldn’t quite manage it, so here: All Out an anthology of historical fiction short stories about queer teens. The Tea Dragon Society series and Princess Princess Ever After, graphic novels by the amazingly talented Katie O’Neill. Heartstopper a webcomic turn graphic novel by Alice Oseman about a pair of rugby players. The Different Dragon a cute picture book in which the boy has two moms and which is about accepting different ways of being. And Lady Knight a part of Tamora Pierce’s Protector of the Small series because because Kel is word-of-god aro(and/or ace) and I’ve adored that series and Kel since I was about thirteen so by god I’ll take it.

- 

Now for those that wanted to do their own challenge, I found it on @gailcarriger’s blog.

[angelsfalling16]

Life Would Be Better With You

Read on ao3

Summary: Simon and Baz get trapped together in one of the hidden rooms in Watford, which forces them to work through some feelings that they have both been denying for years.

Word Count: 3987

A/N: This fic is for @captain-aralias who was one of the winners of my fic giveaway. I hope you like it! :)

***

Simon

Baz is up to something. I’m certain of it.

First, he was gone for the first two months of school, refusing to give me any explanation for why that is. And now he’s creeping around the school, clearly planning to do something horrible.

I am apparently the only one who cares about what he might be up to, so I have taken it upon myself once again to follow him and try to figure out what it is and then stop him.

It’s been a few days now since I began tailing him, and it seems that he has caught on. We’re walking down an abandoned hall in the Weeping Tower, long after classes have ended for the day, and since he sneered at me to fuck off a few minutes ago, I have stopped trying to be sneaky. I am outright following him now.

“Go away, Snow,” he calls over his shoulder, but I keep forging on, walking faster so that I can catch up to him.

“You’re awful at this. Did you really think that I didn’t know you’ve been following me all week?”

“Why didn’t you stop me?”

“Because I know that you are too inept to figure anything out. I have been walking aimlessly up and down these halls for the past hour, and you still think that I’m ‘up to something’.” His tone is mocking, and I shouldn’t let him get to me, yet I do. I always do.

I’ve caught up to him now, and he is resolutely ignoring me.

I have had enough of this. I’m not getting anywhere by following him, so I need to make him tell me what he’s doing.

Reaching out and grabbing his arm, I manage to catch him off guard enough to turn him and slam him into the wall.

I only have a moment to take in his wide-eyed expression before we start falling.

The wall seems to open up behind Baz, revealing a doorway that wasn’t there before, and then we’re falling and stumbling backward as we try to keep from hitting the ground. I trip over someone’s foot – probably my own – and I end up crashing into Baz and knocking us both to the floor.

Baz groans as I land on him, and a moment later he’s shoving me off of him, hard. I scramble to my feet as he grumbles about the bruises that he’ll have from my elbows and how he’ll make me pay for that later.

I’m still ready to have it out with him, my hands itching to hit him as they form fists by my side, but I’m stopped when Baz stands and exclaims, “What the hell?!”

He’s staring at something behind me, so I turn to see what it is, careful to keep him in my line of vision in case this is a trick to catch me when my back is turned. What I don’t expect to see is that the wall has closed up again behind us, trapping us in this mysterious room.

Baz pushes past me, wand held out, and he immediately starts reciting a number of spells, obviously trying to get the wall to open back up.

Whispering the familiar incantation, I pull out my sword, not really sure if there is anything that I could do with it to help get us out of here. Baz’s spells don’t seem to be doing any good, so with a though of ‘why not?’, I swing my sword at the wall.

There are sparks, and it bounces off the wall, nearly hitting me as it rebounds.

“Shit, Snow. Put that thing away.”

“Why?” I ask, just to be contrary.

“Because it’s dark in here, and I don’t want you to accidentally maim me.”

“Who says it would be an accident?” I murmur, but I put my sword away anyway, more worried about accidentally harming myself than harming him.

Baz casts another spell, then murmurs, “This room shouldn’t be here.”

“Well, it is.”

“No, I mean that was an outer wall that we just fell through. We should have fallen to the ground.”

“Then, you should be glad that this room is here. It means that we aren’t dead.”

He turns to look at me long enough for me to see him glaring at me in annoyance. “Or I can be furious because you caused us to get trapped in here.”

“How did I cause this? You’re the one walking around doing who knows what?”

“You slammed me into the wall, causing it to fall away. It is clearly your fault.”

“Would you like me to do it again? I could slam you into the wall, and we’ll see if it opens up again.”

“You will do no such thing.” His cheeks are tinged pink with fury now.

It was obviously the wrong thing to suggest, but it seems like a pretty reasonable idea to me.

“It worked the last time,” I say with a shrug.

“I’ve got enough bruises forming because of you. I don’t need any more.”

I roll my eyes and take a couple of steps away from him before plopping down on the ground and leaning against the wall. We obviously aren’t getting out of here anytime soon.

After a quiet moment that seems to stretch forever, Baz casts a spell to bring a ball of light into the room, shining light into the dark corners of this barren room that we’re in. He hesitates briefly before sliding down the wall and sitting gracefully beside me.

Looking around, I notice that the room looks like any of the other classes in the Tower. It’s just lacking in furniture and windows. And a door, of course. At least the floor is carpeted and not too uncomfortable to sit on.

Baz is right, though, however much it pains me to admit that. This room shouldn’t be here.

We sit in silence for a long time. It could be minutes, could be hours. It’s hard to tell. Baz occasionally throws out a spell at the wall or to renew the light spell when it starts to dim.

After a while, I hear Baz’s breathing getting shallow, and I can feel him practically vibrating beside me. He doesn’t seem to be taking well to this whole being trapped together thing.

“Baz?” I whisper.

“What, Snow?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he snaps.

“No. You’re not. You’re shaking. And I-I think that you might be panicking.”

Baz stays silent, but his breathing is still quick. If he doesn’t find a way to calm down, he’ll hyperventilate.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, and I can feel the force of the glare that he turns on me, so I continue talking quickly. “I mean, it happens to me a lot. Like when I’m about to go off. You need to try to focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath in, then exhale slowly—.”

“I know how to breathe, Snow.”

Merlin, is he never not an arse? Even when I try to be nice to him, he snarks at me.

Why am I even helping him? What do I care if he hyperventilates?

“Really? Coulda fooled me,” I say.

Baz scowls, but I notice that he does as I said, taking deep breaths in and exhaling slowly as he stares at the blank wall across from us until his breathing is a little closer to normal.

We fall into another long silence until Baz surprises my by breaking it with, “I just don’t like being trapped in small, dark places.

“You practically live in the Catacombs.”

“I’m not trapped down there. I know my way out.”

“What about the last time we were stuck in a small room together? Back in fifth year?” I haven’t allowed myself to think about that day in years, but I know that he wasn’t frightened that day. Far from it, in fact.

“That was different.” It sounds like his voice shakes, but that has to be because of the claustrophobia thing, not because he’s thinking about anything that we did that day.

“How?” I ask.

“I knew we were going to be let out. For all I know, we’ll be stuck in this room until we die.”

“Can vampires die?” I muse aloud.

“Everything can die.”

“Ha! So, you admit that you’re a vampire,” I say excitedly.

“All I said was that everything dies,” he says in a bored tone.

I ignore him and ask, “Should I be worried that you’re going to get thirsty and suck my blood?”

“You should be worried that I’m going to hit you if you don’t shut up.”

“Do you seriously want to sit here in silence for who knows how long?”

“It’s better than listening to you talk.” He leans his head back and closes his eyes, apparently done with me.

I huff but don’t say anything more.

Unfortunately, with nothing else to focus on, I find myself thinking about that day in fifth year.

I didn’t even want to go to that party. Penny dragged me to it, insisting that I needed to stop obsessing over Baz, at least for an hour. I am certain that she never predicted that he would be there or what would happen between us that night.

I’m not sure who suggested the game or why Baz and I got sent into the closet together. All I know is that it seemed to be the magickal version of seven minutes in heaven. Two people would get sent in and spells would be cast to lock them in there and to make it so that no one could hear anything so that no one would be able to hear anything that you may or may not have done in there.

It seemed stupid, but when I saw Baz hand his wand over to Dev, I knew that I couldn’t be the one to back down, so I handed my wand to Penny and went into the closet with him.

Baz and I spent the first full minute in a stubborn silence. No one would know if we didn’t do anything. And I don’t think anyone would have cared.

I began to grow restless, though, and as I shifted around, I bumped into Baz.

“Could you be still?” He sneered.

“Make me,” I told him without really thinking about it.

Before I could register what was happening, Baz had slammed me into the wall, pinning my arms to the wall at my sides, and I remember letting out an embarrassing shriek of surprise.

“What are you doing?” I demanded, breathless for some reason.

“Making you be still.”

My eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, and I could just barely make out Baz’s expression. I expected him to be sneering at me, like he was about to hit me, but his expression was one I had never seen before. I didn’t know what it meant, but I could smell the alcohol on his breath as it brushed across my face, making me very aware of how close we were.

I seemed to be the only person who wasn’t drinking at that party. I could only imagine what would have happened if I had decided to mix alcohol with my already unpredictable magic. It likely would be the biggest disaster that I had caused yet.

I was just thinking about pushing Baz away when he whispered, “It’s just a game.”

Then, he kissed me.

I was so surprised that it took me a few moments to respond, and then I surprised myself by kissing him back.

His lips were soft and pliant, and I hummed as he parted his lips just slightly against mine.

I tilted my head, jutting out my chin, and kissed him deeper, cautiously delving my tongue into his mouth. I still wasn’t completely sure that this wasn’t some kind of trick. He could have planned this whole thing to get me locked in here and vulnerable so that he could finish me once and for all.

I might have actually believed that if he hadn’t willingly left his wand out there. It was a rule of the game, but I’m sure he would have protested if he wanted to.

So, I kept kissing him, and when he released my arms, I pushed one of my hands into his hair, mussing it up and feeling the sleek strands slip through my fingers.

His hands were gripping my hips before one of them pushed up under my shirt, resting on my waist, his hands refreshingly cool against my over-heated skin.

We broke apart for a moment to catch our breaths, and Baz smiled at me.

“I really like you, Simon” he whispered, and before I could respond or figure out whether he meant it or was trying to mess with me, he was kissing me again.

I moved my free hand to his side then over to his stomach, dipping my fingers between two of the buttons on his shirt, feeling the smooth skin and hardened muscles of his stomach.

He moved his body impossibly closer to mine, and I could feel him pressed against my leg. Curious, I reached my hand down to touch him through his trousers, evoking a beautiful groan from him.

“We only have seven minutes,” Baz said, sounding regretful.

I gave him a quick squeeze in response before moving my hand. He was right. We didn’t have time for that, even though I could feel my own body reacting to everything that he was doing, to all of the different sensations.

Too soon, we felt the spell that was keeping us in there fall away, and we only had a moment to break away and attempt to right ourselves before the door was yanked open.

Baz sneered at everyone who was standing outside of the closet, waiting for us to emerge, and even though to me, it seemed apparent what we were doing in there by the state of our appearance, I could hear people whispering about how we must have spent the entire time fighting in there.

They had no idea that what we did in there was so much better than fighting.

Baz pushed through the crowd and disappeared from the party before I could even think about following him. He didn’t return to our room that night, and when I tried to talk to him the next day, he pushed me down the stairs.

He continued to avoid me after that, pretending like nothing ever happened, and I’m not going to lie, that hurt a lot. It left a deep ache in my chest that I couldn’t tell anyone about. I couldn’t even tell Penny. I couldn’t admit to here that she was right, that I was obsessed with Baz

So, I dealt with the pain by myself, and when I started dating Agatha a little more than a month later, I decided that I was never going to think about those wonderful six minutes with Baz ever again.

Until now, apparently.

I can feel that ache in my chest again, but it isn’t as strong as it was in fifth year. I’ve gotten over it. Baz is going to treat me like shit no matter what I do or say, and I just have to deal with it, even if it means lying to everyone about my real feelings for him.

“You would have told me if there was a chance for us, right?” Baz asks quietly, breaking through the silence and my reverie.

“I—. What?” I ask, no idea what he’s talking about.

“We played that game, and I thought that maybe there was a chance you felt something but… But you never said anything.”

Apparently, he was thinking about the same thing I was. Though, I have no idea where this is coming from. He hates me, and he made that perfectly clear, back then and every day since then.

So, why does he care if I felt something for him?

I look over at him, but he’s still staring at the wall, so I can’t see his expression.

“I didn’t think it meant anything to you,” I say truthfully.

“I kissed you!” He exclaims, turning to look at me.

“It was a game! You actually said that, right before you kissed me.”

“And then I told you that I liked you.”

“And you were drunk,” I point out. “Plus, I did try to say something, the next day, but you were avoiding me. Then, you pushed me down the stairs.”

“That was an accident. A lucky punch.”

I shake my head at him. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore. That was years ago.”

We’re quiet for a bit, but it doesn’t seem like Baz is ready to let this go yet.

“What would you have said?” He asks quietly, staring at the floor now, at the space between us.

“What?”

“You said that you tried to talk to me the next day. What would you have said if I hadn’t – if we hadn’t fought?”

“Why does it matter? It was a long time ago.”

“It matters to me.”

“Why? so you can have something else to make fun of me for?”

“No, I just—.” It’s his tone that gets to me. It almost sounds like he’s choked with emotion.

“Just what?” I ask, softer than I mean to.

Baz gets really quiet, and when he finally speaks, I barely hear him. “I need to know that we didn’t waste three years. I need to know that you liking me back was only a hopeless dream.”

I’m speechless. How do I respond to that? I had no idea that Baz had feelings for me. He never showed me. If I had known, I would have done things differently. I would have—. Well, I’m not really sure what I would have done back then, but I know what I want to do now.

I turn to him, scooting closer until our legs are nearly pressed against each other, and our faces our just a few inches apart.

I search his face for any sign that he may be lying, but for once, his expression is open and vulnerable. I can see his fear of being rejected.

“I would have said that I liked you, too,” I murmur.

Then, I kiss him.

I kiss him softly at first, but as he kisses me back fervently, I press my lips to his more firmly.

Unable to resist touching him and remembering how his body felt against mine in fifth year, I reach for him, tugging and pulling on him until he huffs out a laugh and climbs onto my lap, trapping my legs between his muscular, footballer ones.

I immediately pull him back into the kiss, tangling my hand in his hair and keeping him there.

I slide my tongue experimentally against his lips, and he parts them easily to allow me entrance.

I sigh into his mouth, wondering why we haven’t always been doing this. It feels so good, so right. Like this was my purpose in life.

Not saving the World of Mages or defeating the Humdrum. This.

I was born to kiss Baz, to hold him and love him. (Do I love him? That’s a question for another time.)

I break away from the kiss to kiss down his jaw to his neck, and I can’t help myself. I bite down on his neck, sucking the skin into my mouth, leaving a mark there. I smile to myself, thinking about how it’s just another bruise that Baz can blame me for.

Hopefully, he won’t be too mad about this one, though.

Baz’s hand tightens in my hair, pulling on it, and rather than it hurting, it feels almost good. I moan against his neck, and my hips involuntarily jerk up against his. It feels good, though. It feels right, so I do it again.

“N-not now,” Baz gasps. “Not here.”

“O-okay,” I say, attempting to catch my breath and feeling a little dejected, wondering if I was wrong about what he wants.

He places his hand on my cheek and tilts my head up so that I’m looking at him, and his gaze is so soft, so gentle. He’s even smiling at me, and it warms my heart to have him look at me like that.

“I want our first time to mean something. I want it to be—.”

“Special?” I finish when he cuts himself off.

“Shut up.”

“No, it’s fine,” I say, grinning. “I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Now, shut up and kiss me.”

We continue to kiss for a long time, switching between slow, gentle kisses and frenzied, hungry kisses, until our kisses turn lazy and sloppy as we fight to stay awake. Pulling my lips regretfully from his, I press my face against his neck and inhale deeply, smiling at the familiar scent of his posh soap.

“It looks like we’re going to be stuck here for the night,” I say, fighting to keep my eyes open.

“Yeah, we should probably get some sleep.”

“Mhmm,” I agree, yawning sleepily.

Baz drags himself off my lap, pressing a final kiss to my forehead, and spells some bedding for us before laying out a make-shift bed on the ground.

We spend the night sleeping in each other’s arms, and I’m pretty sure it’s the best that I’ve slept in months.

***

When we wake in the morning, the first thing that I notice is that the wall is open again.

Actually, the first thing I notice is the way that Baz’s body feels curved against mine. Then, I notice the wall.

“Baz,” I whisper, shaking him lightly. I know he hates to get up early, and he hates it even more when someone tries to wake him, but I figure we might want to get out of here before the wall decides to close up again.

Baz seems to agree because a few beats later, after grumbling at me groggily, he’s jumping up and holding out a hand to me as he spells away our bedding, pulling me out of the room and down the stairs.

When we step outside, I welcome the feel of the autumnal wind as it rushes through my hair and clothes.

Baz says something about having something he needs to do, and I know he probably needs to feed (whether he will admit it or not), but I’m not about to let him get away this time.

“Wait,” I say, reaching for his hand to keep him from leaving.

“What?” He asks, and it’s weird to hear him ask that without sneering at me.

“What does this mean?”

“What do you want it to mean?” He asks, not even pretending not to know what I’m talking about.

“I want to be your boyfriend.”

“Okay.”

“But I’m a terrible boyfriend. I’ll likely muck this up and say the wrong thing or scare you away—.”

He interrupts me with a kiss, just a small thing, but enough to shut me up.

“Simon,” he says, and I smile at the sound of my name on his lips. “You won’t scare me a way. You’re a bloody nightmare, but I’ve still liked you for years. There’s not much that you could do at this point to scare me away.”

“So, you want to? Be boyfriends, I mean.”

He laughs lightly, pulling me into his arms.

“Yes. I want to be your terrible boyfriend.”

I pull him into one last kiss before letting him go. I’m happy, knowing that he will return to me this time.

Things have changed now, and I couldn’t be happier about it as I practically skip back to our room.

I know things won’t always be easy, but they will be better than they would have had we continued to fight all the time.

Things will be better with him.

[gottlem]

the best type of chaos. (1/?)

a/n : here is the season 12 highschool au nobody asked for !!! there’s a few different ships going on, so you’ll have to keep reading to find out who ends up with who! 

summary: twelve teenagers at one dinner table may sound like a recipe for disaster. and maybe it is. but they girls love it and love each other, so who can really complain? it’s their junior year, and they’re ready to take it on together. (chapter 1, 2k words)

A group of 12 teenage girls at one dinner table in the cafeteria sounds like it would end in disaster, but for the past few years, The Gays Plus Gigi (as they had deemed themselves) have managed it quite well. It’s like they have their own little family - sometimes they fight, Dahlia usually being the one to start an argument, but they would always make up in no time. They make the most out of their lunch hour each day, allowing themselves to take a break from the often stressful school day. The group just worked together, each person a cog in the machine they had built up during their time at school. 

They would sit in the same seats at the same table each day, their routine hardly ever being broken. The only two girls who weren’t there everyday were Gigi and Nicky, both being ‘popular’ girls and sitting with their other friends most days. They both preferred their little family of twelve though, loving the ability to be authentically themselves.

-

The first day of school always seemed to bring up a different emotion in each student. On the first day of junior year, Crystal woke up early, her alarm marking the start of a new day. She wasn’t usually a morning person (not many students were) but sometimes she could appreciate the way the morning sun would shine brightly through her windows, brightening up her mood in the process. She was ready for the school year. She knew it would soon get stressful and something would absolutely go wrong at some point, but right now she was looking forward to another fresh start. 

Gigi hated the first day of school. She had a hard time letting go of summer, each year it seemed to get better, which meant reality came crashing back to her harder and harder each time. When she woke up, the only thing that could motivate her to leave her bed was the thought of seeing her friends again, even if she had seen them a million times over summer anyways. She could never get tired of them. Soon enough, she made herself a coffee and set off to Crystal’s house so they could walk together.

Crystal didn’t wait for Gigi to knock on her door, she swung it open the second Gigi arrived at her doorstep, quickly giving her a bone-crushing hug as a ‘hello’. 

“I’ve missed you so much Crys” Crystal giggled at the way Gigi’s breath tickled her neck, both of them staying in the tight hug.

“Gigi you saw me, like, three days ago” Gigi stepped back to look Crystal in the eyes.

“I know! I know, but it was summer then and now it’s not and we’ll still see eachother but it won’t be the same because now we’ll be worrying about school and we can’t just hang out. We’ll have like no spare time!”

“G. I will always have time for you. Now let's go, we can’t be late”

The walk to school took them the best part of half an hour - too long for Crystal’s liking, but at least it gave her time to chat with Gigi before the day gets too hectic. The girls walked side by side, shoulders bumping with every other step. The contact was not unwelcome. They had always been close, both emotionally and physically, not being scared to show any affection. They had even shared some friendly kisses from time to time. They were just pecks. And Gigi was straight anyways so it couldn’t mean anything, right?

Crystal couldn’t help but steal glances at the girl next to her on the way to school. She had always found Gigi beautiful. The way she walks, the way she talks. Crystal would never admit this aloud, not like it wasn’t already painfully obvious to everyone but Gigi, but she was in deep. It didn’t help that Gigi had started interrogating her on their walk.

“So how are things with your girlfriend? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her in like months. You’re not keeping something from me are you? You didn’t like, secretly elope over summer did you? That would be rude Crystal Elizabeth. Not inviting your best friend, horrible” Crystal knew she was joking, but she also knew she had to explain why she hadn’t mentioned her.

Crystal stopped walking. Gigi was right, she hadn’t mentioned her girlfriend in a while because she hadn’t even thought about her. She broke it off at the beginning of Summer, when she began to realise she had rising feelings for someone else. She wasn’t even that bothered by the break up, which was surprising because Crystal felt every emotion so strongly she would often get overwhelmed.

“We uh… we broke up. At the start of summer. I didn’t tell you? I thought I had.”

Crystal knew for a fact she hadn’t mentioned it to Gigi - the less she talks to her about her love-life, the better. She can’t have Gigi find out about her feelings for her. She knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to instantly assume every lesbian has a weird crush on her. She has been the most supportive of Crystals’ sexuality ever since she came out. A true ally. Hell, Gigi had joined her for pride a few times, and didn’t flinch when people assumed she wasn’t straight. Sometimes she would even forget to correct them. But still, no matter how cool Gigi was with her closest friend being gay, Crystal was terrified of exposing her feelings. She didn’t want to be the lesbian who crushes on her striaght best friend. She doesn’t want to make Gigi uncomfortable, especially with how close they can get at times. 

“You guys broke up?! Oh my god, do I need to kill her? Because I will. Are you ok? Because all summer you seemed to be ok and, I mean this with so much love, I kind of expected you to be a mess if things didn’t work out”

Crystal was at a loss for words. How could she even begin to explain this? ‘Yeah it didn’t work out because I’m kind of in love with you’ No. Absolutely not.

“Yeah um, I guess we both kinda lost feelings for eachother and decided we’d be better off as friends. I really am ok G, promise. Thanks for checking though. Anyways! Are you ok? I know you never really talked about your breakup much. That guy rubbed me the wrong way”

Gigi froze. There was a reason she didn’t necessarily want to talk about her breakup - especially with Crystal. But she didn’t even know if she could admit that to herself yet.

“Yeah I’m ok. I don’t wanna talk about it” Gigi cursed her voice for cracking at the end. Crystal’s face softened at her friend’s vulnerability and chose to respond by intertwining their fingers together and giving Gigi’s hand a squeeze. The action probably wasn’t good for either of them.

-

Jan and Jaida caught up that morning when they both visited their lockers, which were conveniently right next to each other. Both girls were stuffing their basketball kits into their locker, idly chatting about the yeah ahead of them. They had always enjoyed each other's company, and their friendship was built on trust and love - they trusted one another with their life. And their secrets. Which is why Jan wasn’t surprised when Jaida brought up Jackie.

“Ok, chile, what is up with you and Jackie? Y’all better sort yourselves out and get together this year or so help me God-”

“Oh my God Jaida! Shut up! You're being so loud what if she like, walks by and overhears you?”

“That would be great! Maybe one of you would finally actually acknowledge your feelings towards each other instead of staring at each other and drooling from across the table”

“I don’t drool. And neither does she! She doesn’t like me that way Jaida, just let it go”

Jans voice lost all enthusiasm in those last few words, and it set off alarm bells in Jaida’s mind. Sometimes she surprised herself with how well she could read the girl despite how happy she acted all the damn time. If this was getting to Jan of all people, it needed to be sorted out. She was quick to engulf the blonde in a tight hug, trying to convey that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen with Jackie, she would always be there for Jan. Always.

“It’s weird I talk to you about this. You’re technically my ex” Jan laughed as she stepped away from the hug, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“Maybe. But you’re my friend first. Besides, I think I am the best person to talk to about this because I have personal experience” She gave a comically over exaggerated wink, just to get her point across. 

About a year prior, the two had dated for a bit, being the only two out gay girls on the team, they figured it was how things should go. However, they quickly realised they were better as friends, though they couldn’t dent that they enjoyed their time together. Their ‘fling’ was short lived, and while they were both more than happy to stay friends, neither girl let the other forget what happened, taking any opportunity to poke fun at their past relationship. It was their own little way of preventing it from getting awkward - if they didn’t acknowledge it, it would get weird, so they opted for the odd joke. If they could laugh it off, it meant they didn’t take the whole situation too seriously. They didn’t want to make lunch awkward.

-

The first few lessons of the day passed painfully slow for everyone. Crystal spent most of her time sneaking looks at Gigi. Jan spent the day looking forward to the first basketball practise of the year. Dahlia managed to start two rumours by accident (both about herself, somehow). Brita and Aiden had already fallen out and made up twice before the end of third period. Rock M doodled through all her lessons, hoping the teachers wouldn’t call on her - most classes were doing start-of-the-year admit tasks anyways. 

When lunch rolled around for the first time that year, the girls found it easy to fall back into their usual routine. It was comforting really, having that one constant no matter how crazy school could get. Yeah, they might get loud, or they might fight, or fall out, but they all loved each other and made the chaos of high school so much more bearable (despite being chaotic themselves). The ten girls (Gigi and Nicky sat at another table for the day, but not without a quick hello at the beginning of the lunch hour) talked about everything under the sun, and eventually the topic of relationships came up. Crystal shied away, leaning back into her seat and hoping that she wouldn’t be asked about her love life. She was. 

“You have a girlfriend, right Crystal? What was her name again?”

“It doesn’t matter, we broke up at the start of summer and before you ask yes I am ok no you don’t need to ask any further questions ok thank you!”

Crystal’s attempt to stop any more questions was feeble, at best, and definitely didn’t work, because now she was being flooded with questions from nine other girls about if she’s really ok, and who broke up with who, why didn’t you tell any of us, are you still friends, did she break your heart, did you break her heart? She didn’t answer any of them. Until Dahlia piped up, somehow always being up to date on the drama (even if Crystal hadn’t told anyone)

“Does it have anything to do with your crush on Gigi?”

The table fell silent. Crystal turned red, but refused to acknowledge it - if she acted like the question was nothing, then it would seem like nothing. She took a deep breath.

“My what on who?”

“You heard me bitch! It’s obvious you like her”

Was it that obvious? She thought she hid it well. After all, she didn’t want anyone to know, especially Gigi herself. Thank God she wasn’t here.

“I don’t. She’s straight - I don’t fall for straight girls. There’s no point”

Crystal wished it was that easy.

[adapembroke]

A Skeptical Taurus's Path to Laziness... And Evolutionary Astrology

In a recent post, Lee talked about how they came to be interested in evolutionary astrology. ”For the longest time, I thought of astrology as nothing more than a lot of horoscopesque hocus pocus made up to sell magazines to unfulfilled housewives,” they said. Then they stumbled on evolutionary astrology in the context of a past life reading, and they changed their mind. 

As someone who has been practicing astrology seriously for the better part of a decade, I feel like I should cringe at the injustice when I read harsh critiques of the discipline, but I don’t. I remember what my first real encounter with astrology was like, and I marvel that I ever came to take astrology seriously at all. 

I was working at Hot Topic over the summer between high school and college. Hot Topic has never been known for its reading material, but that summer, they stocked a copy of Born on a Rotten Day, a book that skewers the signs of the Zodiac. The store was so slow my manager was rocking out to Johnny Cash, so I grabbed a copy of the book, thinking I could read entries aloud and give us all a laugh. 

Naturally, I looked at my sun sign Taurus first, and that was when I learned the awful truth: Taurus is lazy. When I read that, I hit the ceiling. All my life, I’d been accused of being lazy. Since I take criticisms from people I respect to heart, I responded by working harder than ever. By the time I reached my last semester of high school, I was so focused on working hard to get the future I wanted, I was carrying around a copy of an LSAT study guide, four years before I could reasonably expect to take the test. Still, people accused me of being lazy.

In retrospect, it’s easy for me to understand how such a horrible misconception could follow me around. Taurus is a very visible sign in my chart. It is my sun sign, and it is in the part of my chart that is highly visible to people who don’t know me very well personally. When signs are visible in that way, they have the tendency to pick up people’s projections and assumptions about that sign. The people who accused me of being lazy weren’t really seeing me. They were caught up in stereotypes and resistance to looking at their own behavior. 

At the time, though, all I knew was that this unjust accusation was following me. I hoped that I’d be able to leave it behind in my small town, but if someone had bothered to write it in a book, I knew it was going to follow me around everywhere. So I bought the book. And carried it across the country. And glared at it from time to time. 

For ten years, I did my best to avoid astrology. Then I discovered a blogger who used astrology to inform her meditations on the full moon. In her writing, the Zodiac didn’t tell you who you were. It invited you to ask questions. I was enchanted by the idea that I could use the stars to help me systematically work through issues in every area of my life. 

After some searching, I stumbled on a copy of The Inner Sky by Steven Forrest, and I began to understand that the horrible image of Taurus painted in Born on a Rotten Day was actually the misunderstood outward manifestation of a very healthy Taurus. Taurus is a sign of healing. After the battles of Aries, Taurus is the place we come to lick our wounds. People with a lot of Taurus in their charts are people who have been through a lot—in this life or previous lives—and they have the tendency to become preoccupied with basic issues of security and survival. The obsession with being safe, and the relentless busyness that accompanies it, serves as a distraction from the need to acknowledge the horror of their own experiences, a shield from the pain of coming out of shock. But like Mark Jones says in The Soul Speaks: The Therapeutic Potential of Astrology, “to admit that one is shipwrecked is a crucial step towards healing,” and that acknowledgement is the first step toward healing for Taurus. The ability to sit quietly and simply enjoy a cup of coffee may look from the outside like doing nothing, but for a Taurus it’s a radical act of faith in the world’s ability to keep spinning for a few minutes without Taurus’s help.

Sixteen years after stumbling on Born on a Rotten Day, I am, perversely, taking its portrait of Taurus as advice, and I’m doing my best to embrace laziness as a virtue. I know myself well enough now to know that if I think I am being lazy, I am, actually, only two or three times more busy than I actually should be.  

This sort of mistake is common in popular astrology. In the case of Taurus, it seems that some astrologers see an archetype lying in bed, and they don’t stop to question how Taurus got there in the first place. There’s a very big difference between laziness and a well-deserved rest, and most Taurus people fall into the latter category. Evolutionary astrology, like all schools of thought, isn’t perfect, but its strength is that it sees human behavior as being part of a story, and it bothers to ask why people behave the way they do.

So, when I hear about someone having a difficult time with astrology, I cringe, but it’s not because I think astrology has gotten a bad rap. It’s because I remember how it felt the day astrology joined the mob and encouraged me in my worst, most anxious habits, and I silently hope for a future in which popular astrology does better.

This post was originally published on Aquarius Moon Journal on 7 March 2020.

[artificialqueens]

The Best Type of Chaos, 1/? (S12 Group Fic) - Lau

a/n- welcome the the s12 highschool au that nobody asked for but i’m writing anyway! this is my first time submitting anything here so i hope y'all like it (and i did it right) there will be plenty of ships so keep your eyes peeled!! 

summary - twelve teenagers at one dinner table may sound like a recipe for disaster. and maybe it is. but the girls love it and love each other, so who can really complain? it’s their junior year, and they’re ready to take it on together.

A group of 12 teenage girls at one dinner table in the cafeteria sounds like it would end in disaster, but for the past few years, The Gays Plus Gigi (as they had deemed themselves) have managed it quite well. It’s like they have their own little family - sometimes they fight, Dahlia usually being the one to start an argument, but they would always make up in no time. They make the most out of their lunch hour each day, allowing themselves to take a small break from the often stressful school day. The group just worked together, each person a cog in the machine they had built up during their time at school. 

They would sit in the same seats at the same table each day, their routine hardly ever being broken. The only two girls who weren’t there everyday were Gigi and Nicky, both being ‘popular’ girls and sitting with their other friends most days. They both preferred their little family of twelve though, loving the ability to be authentically themselves.

-

The first day of school always seemed to bring up a different emotion in each student. On the first day of junior year, Crystal woke up early, her alarm marking the start of a new day. She wasn’t usually a morning person (not many students were) but sometimes she could appreciate the way the morning sun would shine brightly throughher windows, brightening up her mood in the process. She was ready for the school year. She knew it would soon get stressful and something would absolutely go wrong at some point, but right now she was looking forward to another fresh start. 

Gigi hated the first day of school. She had a hard time letting go of summer, which seemed to only get better each year, meaning reality came crashing back to her harder and harder each time it ended. When she woke up, the only thing that could motivate her to leave her bed was the thought of seeing her friends again, even if she had seen them a million times over summer anyways. She could never get tired of them. Soon enough, she made herself a coffee and set off to Crystal’s house so they could walk together.

Crystal didn’t wait for Gigi to knock on her door, she swung it open the second Gigi arrived at her doorstep, quickly giving her a bone-crushing hug as a ‘hello’. 

“I’ve missed you so much Crys” Crystal giggled at the way Gigi’s breath tickled her neck, both of them refusing to leave the tight hug.

“Gigi you saw me, like, three days ago” Gigi stepped back to look Crystal in the eyes.

“I know! I know, but it was summer then and now it’s not and we’ll still see eachother but it won’t be the same because now we’ll be worrying about school and we can’t just hang out. We’ll have like no spare time!”

“G. I will always have time for you. Now let’s go, we can’t be late”

The walk to school took them the best part of half an hour - too long for Crystal’s liking, but at least it gave her time to chat with Gigi before the day got too hectic. The girls walked side by side, shoulders bumping with every other step. The contact was not unwelcome. They had always been close, both emotionally and physically, not being scared to show any affection. They had even shared some friendly kisses from time to time. They were just pecks. And Gigi was straight anyways so it couldn’t mean anything, right?

Crystal couldn’t help but steal glances at the girl next to her on the way to school. She had always found Gigi beautiful. The way she walks, the way she talks. Crystal would never admit this aloud, not like it wasn’t already painfully obvious to everyone but Gigi, but she was in deep. It didn’t help that Gigi had started interrogating her on their walk.

“So how are things with your girlfriend? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her in like months. You’re not keeping something from me are you? You didn’t like, secretly elope over summer did you? Because that would be rude Crystal Elizabeth. Not inviting your best friend, horrible” Crystal knew she was joking, but she also knew she did actually have to explain why she hadn’t mentioned her, Gigi was just using humour to get round it. Maybe to try to make it less awkward.

Crystal stopped walking. Gigi was right, she hadn’t mentioned her girlfriend in a while because she hadn’t even thought about her. She broke it off at the beginning of Summer, when she began to realise she had rising feelings for someone else. She wasn’t even that bothered by the break up, which was surprising because Crystal felt every emotion so strongly she would often get overwhelmed.

“We uh… we broke up. At the start of summer. I didn’t tell you? I thought I had. Funny.”

Crystal knew for a fact she hadn’t mentioned it to Gigi - the less she talks to her about her love-life, the better. She can’t have Gigi find out about her feelings for her. She knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to instantly assume every lesbian has a weird crush on her. She has been the most supportive of Crystals’ sexuality ever since she came out. A true ally. Hell, Gigi had joined her for pride a few times, and didn’t flinch when people assumed she wasn’t straight. Sometimes she would even forget to correct them. But still, no matter how cool Gigi was with her closest friend being gay, Crystal was terrified of exposing her feelings. She didn’t want to be the lesbian who crushes on her straight best friend. She doesn’t want to make Gigi uncomfortable, especially with how close they can get at times. 

“You guys broke up?! Oh my god, do I need to kill her? Because I will. Are you ok? Because all summer you seemed to be ok and, I mean this with so much love, I kind of expected you to be a mess if things didn’t work out…”

Crystal was at a loss for words. How could she even begin to explain this? ‘Yeah it didn’t work out because I’m kind of in love with my straight best friend. You.’ No. Absolutely not.

“Yeah um, I guess we both kinda lost feelings for eachother and decided we’d be better off as friends. I really am ok G, promise. Thanks for checking though. Anyways! Are you ok? I know you never really talked about your breakup much. I’ve gotta be honest, that guy totally rubbed me the wrong way”

Gigi’s mind suddenly went blank. There was a reason she didn’t necessarily want to talk about her breakup - especially with Crystal. But she didn’t know if she could even admit that to herself yet.

“Yeah I’m ok. I don’t wanna talk about it” Gigi cursed her voice for cracking at the end. Crystal’s face softened at her friend’s vulnerability and chose to respond by intertwining their fingers together and giving Gigi’s hand a squeeze. The action probably wasn’t good for either of them.

-

Jan and Jaida caught up that morning when they both visited their lockers, which were conveniently right next to each other. Both girls were stuffing their basketball kits into their locker, idly chatting about the year ahead of them. They had always enjoyed each other’s company, and their friendship was built on love - they trusted one another with their life. And their secrets. Which is why Jan wasn’t surprised when Jaida brought up Jackie.

“Ok, chile, what is up with you and Jackie? Y’all better sort yourselves out and get together this year or so help me God-”

“Oh my God Jaida! Shut up! You’re being so loud what if she like, walks by and overhears you?”

“That would be great! Maybe one of you would finally actually acknowledge your feelings towards each other instead of staring and drooling from across the table”

“I don’t drool. And neither does she! She doesn’t like me that way Jaida, just let it go”

Jans voice lost all enthusiasm, and it set off alarm bells in Jaida’s mind. Sometimes she surprised herself with how well she could read the girl despite how happy she acted all the damn time. If this was getting to Jan of all people, it needed to be sorted out. She was quick to engulf the blonde in a tight hug, trying to convey that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen with Jackie, she would always be there for Jan. Always.

“It’s weird I talk to you about this. You’re technically my ex” Jan laughed, void of any actual humour, as she stepped away from the hug, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“Maybe. But you’re my friend first. Besides, I think I am the best person to talk to about this because I have personal experience” She gave a comically over-exaggerated wink, just to get her point across. 

About a year prior, the two had dated for a bit, being the only two out gay girls on the team, they figured it was how things should go. However, they quickly realised they were better as friends, though they couldn’t deny that they enjoyed their time together. Their ‘fling’ was short lived, and while they were both more than happy to stay friends, neither girl let the other forget what happened, taking any opportunity to poke fun at their past relationship. It was their own little way of preventing anything from getting awkward - if they didn’t acknowledge it, it would get weird, so they opted for the odd joke. If they could laugh it off, it meant they didn’t take the whole situation too seriously. Besides, they didn’t want to make lunch awkward.

-

The first few lessons of the day passed painfully slow for everyone. Crystal spent most of her time sneaking looks at Gigi. Jan spent the day looking forward to the first basketball practise of the year. Dahlia managed to start two rumours by accident (both about herself, somehow). Brita and Aiden had already fallen out and made up twice before the end of third period. Rock M doodled through all her lessons, hoping the teachers wouldn’t call on her - most classes were doing start-of-the-year admit tasks anyways. 

When lunch rolled around for the first time that year, the girls found it easy to fall back into their well-loved routine. It was comforting really, having that one constant no matter how crazy school could get. Yeah, they might get loud, or they might fight, or fall out, but they all loved each other and made the chaos of high school so much more bearable (despite being chaotic themselves). The ten girls (Gigi and Nicky sat at another table for the day, but not without a quick hello at the beginning of the lunch hour) talked about everything under the sun, and eventually the topic of relationships came up. Crystal shied away, leaning back into her seat and hoping that she wouldn’t be asked about her love life. She was. 

“You have a girlfriend, right Crystal? What was her name again?”

“It doesn’t matter, we broke up at the start of summer and before you ask yes I am ok, no you don’t need to ask any further questions, ok thank you!”

Crystal’s attempt to stop any more questions was feeble, at best, and definitely didn’t work, because now she was being flooded with questions from nine other girls about if she’s really ok, who broke up with who, why didn’t you tell any of us, are you still friends, did she break your heart, oh my god did you break her heart? She didn’t answer any of them. Until Dahlia piped up, somehow always being up to date on the drama (even if Crystal hadn’t told anyone),

“Does it have anything to do with your crush on Gigi?”

The table fell silent. Crystal turned red, but refused to acknowledge it - if she acted like the question was nothing, then it would seem like nothing. She took a deep breath.

“My what on who?”

“You heard me bitch! It’s obvious you like her” Dahlia was laughing. Crystal didn’t think it was very funny. She looked over to the table where Gigi was sat, Gigi was already looking at her, smiling.

Was it that obvious? She thought she hid it well. After all, she didn’t want anyone to know, especially Gigi herself. Thank God she couldn’t hear this.

“I don’t. She’s straight - I don’t fall for straight girls. There’s no point”

Crystal wished it was that easy.