#self harm urges

[hamptersadness]

Tw self harm compulsions, self harm, blood, dissociation/blacking out , ocd

Never had it before but I accidently flicked myself with a rubber band and I dissociated/blacked out and found myself with a broken fidget toy and aching arms

And I feel so incomplete

It isn't right. The places aren't right. And if I wanted them to be right then I would have to add more.

Oh my fuck as I'm writing this I just found more on my thigh

ITS IMCOMPLETE IT NEEDS TO BE COMPLETED.

HOW DO I STOP THIS ITS IMCOMPLETE IT NEEDS TO BE COMPLETED.

I literally shaking because I don't know if I can stop myself.

It's incomplete it's incomplete it's incomplete

Please tell me I'm not the only one. Please tell I'm not crazy becasue it's sounding like it and it hurts a lot.

Oh my God I'm such a freak or a pain whore because there is no way anyone would feel this compulsed to sh again

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[simulateds3lfh4rm]

Tonight's mood:

Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse on loop while I'm tracing over my old scars with a permanent marker, pretending it calms the urges..

[benevolenterrancy]

May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home

[valtsv]

wish there were more self harm discussion/harm reduction spaces where it's actually destigmatised and not just a self-professed "safe space" that will chase you out if you don't express yourself according to a useless formulaic script or stereotype

[angxlicbliss]

there’s no point in healing bc if I get hurt again ima have to do ts all over again

[autumnlassitude]

Crying out to Bhaal at the very last and finally, finally, getting an answer.

[thescenarios]

Istg I wanna sh so bad rn but I'm trying to be clean for at least a week AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[hamptersadness]

tw sh

I saw a fresh barcode on someone today at school.

Don't even know them.

It hurts so much to see that.

My skin is burning so much, it wants it needs. But I can't. Im going to see my bsf soon and I can't mess up my clock. I can't do it.

But.... so images are flashing thorugh my mind.

I have sleeping pills next to my bed. Two years ago they would be locked up in my moms room. Now there on my end table, becuase I am trusted to deal with them.

I am so scared. So so scared. What if one day I snap and take them all?

I don't want to.

I need to see my bsf.

If seeing a fresh barcode on someone triggers me so much I can't imagine what my scars do to people.

I hate them so much. It reminds me of so many things. I hate it.

Everything is reminding about sh lately.

I don't.... I don't have my clock anymore. Its gone. Like I don't even know the day I last did it.

My brain is telling me to just do it to restart the clock.

Tell me not to. please.

[citruzombi]

my mom: im gonna eat some chips

me who just played irl fruit ninja arm edition:

[eclaire-went-bam]

tips on how to deal with cluster b rage is useful and all what like what do i do when i'm bored

like

genuine question

i'm not aspd (i say that cus i know chronic boredom's usually big for that one) but i do get painfully bored extremely often. i'll be under no emotional distress and then i'll decide to self-mutilate simply because i'm bored and it's funny & i don't think that's a good thing

[xamaxenta]

Jarring juxtaposition incoming but i really think i might actually kill myself one of these future days .

[valtsv]

cw for discussions of suicide and suicidal ideation but i'm thinking about tsv saints again and wondering if they're even capable of self-destruction (self-iconoclasm?). like, every saint we've seen so far, no matter how much suffering they're being forced to endure and how much of their self-awareness they've retained, has only been able to die if they're dispatched by another character - with the exception of the woundtree saints, which are generated by suicide as an act of protest, but they're an intentional outlier. this isn't a "should saints be euthanised if their quality of life is determined to be below a level that is considered acceptable" debate because that's a whole different ethical can of worms. i just wonder because there's an argument to be made that in taking away their ability to intentionally end their own lives, the hallowing procedure attacks another facet of personal bodily autonomy by denying the right to harm or terminate that body. compounding the horror of it all further.

[angxlicbliss]

I would be sm happier if I was skinny

[thescenarios]

THE URGE TO CUT MY THIGHS WITH A GLASS SHARD IS UNBEARABLE AAAAAAAAAAAAA

[caliboron]

please give all my pain and suffering to elon musk