#see how selfish I am?
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ive been trying very hard to formulate a way to say this that doesnt make me sound like an asshole but honestly ive like. given up.
youre gonna drive yourselves fucking nuts with all the doom posting. and all the "its gonna be okay, you have to live" posting isnt any less doom posting. its all the same song to a different tune.
its shitty and terrible and youre allowed to feel shitty and terrible. but its not like. gonna change because you feel shitty about it. and constantly thinking about how shitty you feel about it is just gonna make you feel worse.
go like. eat a snack or something. play a game you like. i dunno. its shitty! but dont spend your time catastrophizing. drink some fuckin water or whatever other cheesy bullshit keeps you occupied while you process.
#basil blabbers#i dunno how to word this well because if i see one more post thats like#'ooooOoo its all fucked' or 'oooOOooOo youve gotta live' i might fucking explode. genuinely#i dont care. i dont fucking care. shut the fuck up.#'its the people who didnt v-' i dont care. 'the young people didn' i dont fffffucking care. shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!#my dash is fucking unusable because no one can say anything but 'the whole world is ending' or#'dont listen to the people saying the whole world is ending'#this is me being shitty and selfish. fucking obviously. but i am sick to death of the immediate defeatism.#rant
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.
The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.
That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you.
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away.
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative ×2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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The lack of media literalicy and victim blaming is really bad in this fandom when even the people who claim to love Ford so much are fucking victim blaming him
#ford pines#stanford pines#gravity falls#fuck it i AM main tagging this i HOPE you all see this#i genuinely hate this fandom this fandom coming back was a fucking mistake#and the Ford victim blaming somehow got EVEN worse after tbob#which is insane to me bcs tbob literally straight up SHOWS you how much Bill manipulated abused and tortured Ford#it's literally ALL OVER YOUR FACE#ya'd think this fandom would have sympathy for ford after we're shown every terrible thing bill did to him but noo#instead they go and victim blames him bcs they live in their own little made up gf where ford is this terrible selfish egotistical guy#whilst ignoring the fact he was an outcast his whole childhood abused and manipulated#and also that he wasn't like that until bill came around-#because they don't think it matters even tho it fucking does
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Trying to find nice stuff for Wish but everywhere you go people are being painfully wrong in their interpretations of the movie
#i don’t care if people don’t like it but i want people to at least stop being so wrong 😫#i shouldn’t have to explain that hoarding the most important part of people’s souls under false pretenses is bad#his trauma does not make the person he became any less bad and his way of ruling is not reasonable and morally better#free will to pursue your dreams is good. a soul should not be locked up by a man who is likely never to give it back.#i’m sure he STARTED as protecting rosas or believing he was but absolute power corrupts absolutely and all that#magnifico by the time we see him is controlling and paranoid and selfish#and asha is not bad for *reads notes* wanting people to have a chance to actually live their lives for themselves and not be deceived#she never asked him to grant all wishes and the movie never tried to say that all wishes should be granted#it’s not saying that you should always have whatever you want. it’s saying you have the right to your agency and choice to pursue your wish#without someone else controlling whether you can ever have it and even making you forget you wanted it so you CAN’T choose to pursue it.#this is literally just a free will vs control story. how was this movie so lost on so many people.#you can debate until the cows come home about whether it was executed well but what they actually tried to say shouldn’t be so hard to grasp#and then there’s people spreading misinformation about star boy and various behind the scenes factors and you can’t escape it and i just…#i am in pain. everywhere i go i am in pain.#disney#wish#mini rant
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omgggg shipping is not arophobic in the LEAST but keep making us look like whiners with no real problems by continuing to complain about it I guess
yeah that's definitely what i said in any post ever man great job
average person who has made shipping their entire identity will see a post where someone says 'hey please don't say these specific types of things that are degrading and cruel about nonromantic relationships while enjoying your ships and maybe examine the thought processes and beliefs and prejudices that led to saying them' and be like 'oh so you're a whiner with no real problems who thinks shipping is arophobic?'
telling on yourself there bud
#gav gab#lmaoooooooo#gav answers#i feel like my brain ghosts would have a much harder time with this if i didn't already like#obsessively couch every single comment i made about shipping and arophobia and amatonormativity#with a million disclaimers about how everyone is allowed to do what they want and enjoy what they enjoy#implying this comes from a fellow aro person is like#unfortunately not hard to accept bc i have seen a Lot of aro people who love shipping#also fall down the same logic traps#of people's behaviour when shipping can Never be questioned or criticized bc shipping is sacrosanct#bc they feel like#idk particularly self conscious about engaging in arophobic behaviour when shipping#ive noticed that like people who make shipping their entire fandom identity have a VERY LOW distress tolerance#for someone even so much as not also approaching fandom that way#and watching them freak out at the mere suggestion that it's possible for someone to#ever so gently suggest maybe the way they talk about this affects other people#and 'but my ships' isn't a blanket justification to say whatever you want forever about relationships and love and feelings#and devotion and whatever else and how Friends Don't Look At Friends Like That!!11!111!!!!!#bc it's Not That Deep and It's Just A Joke Calm Down and Ship And Let Ship!!!!!!!#is like. well. skill issue. i am so uncomfortable in fandom spaces all the time lmao you couldn't survive in my shoes#imagine being so selfish and incapable of handling people having different experiences that you hear like#the mildest critique of your behaviour and go so far off the rails you send shit like This#is this take for real 'it's not possible for any shipping related behaviour to be arophobic' bc if so uh. Uh#shipping related behaviour is not immune from critque about but not limited to#misogyny homophobia racism arophobia etc etc you do actually have to care abt other people#even when youre making your barbies kiss. sorry!#i see a notification on my inbox and i get excited to see a message. maybe it's about one of my fics or smth!#no. it is this asshole.
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If i re wrote red hood outlaws + arsenal n red would you want to see snippets of that or would you roast me on a pike?
#btw it would be a lot more roy and kori run this show jason is literally only here because they wont let him leave#dc fandom dont roast me on a pike for wishing outlaws was good omg they had so much potential together#mfs out here acting like you can own a person#bro people got so mad at me for liking jayroy but fucking come on#outlaws sucks?? okay so does every comic released by fucking scott#outlaws does not suck in any special way I CAN TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY READ IT INSTEAD OF BLINDLY REGURGITATING WHAT I SEE ONLINE#AND YES BEFORE YOU ASK IT WAS HELL AND IT SUCKED BUT WE OUT HERE ACTING LIKE ITS WAY WORSE THAN IT ACTUALLY IS#We have runs out here that ruin litteral decades of characters building making characters do the craziest shit#outlaws was so fucking weird about koris ch like if you wanna make a smart comment make it about that#roys main problem was that um they okay yeah they ruined his character by removing a crucial part of his identity (lian) so we where doomed#but if we isolate just his characterisation the main problem was how selfish and money driven roy was#that has never been bro he only did contract work so he could give lian a stable life..#ALSO FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS IM NOT A ROY FAN FOR MOURNING LOST POTENTIAL#OMGOD I AM NOT A JASON STAN ABOVE ROY I JUST DONT HAVE A WEIRD FACINATION WITH HATING ON MENTALLY IL PEOPLE#seriusly its fucking weird how many people spesifically hate jason when he’s clearly got a fucking mood disorder#yall need to fucking chill w how you view mentally il people.#fucking @ me if you want to debate me#dc comics#jason todd#roy harper#koriand'r#kori anders#red hood and the outlaws#starfire#red hood#arsenal
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Okay, but do people not understand that some people love to spend time with the children of the people they care about?? That people can love kids who are not their own?? This whole weird fucking narrative that keeps getting spouted in this fandom about how Eddie is supposedly a bad friend because he "uses Buck as a babysitter" is so fucking obnoxious. First of all, Buck "babysitting" is not actually something we see all that often in canon at all.
But also, spending time with a kid you love while helping out a friend you love is not a fucking burden, and it is kind of infuriating that people treat it that way.
#my best friend is not 'using' me because she needs asks me to watch my nieces#i love those kids with everything i am it is not a fucking burden to spend time with them it is an absolute joy#so i am probably biased#but i would argue that is very much how buck sees spending time with christopher#and also this attitude that parents should do everything completely on their own and never ask for help in general is so damaging#we should care about the people we love and we should be happy to help them#acting like people are selfish for needing support is such a terrible way to view existence#and i know i'm technically talking about fictional characters here but this is how so many people seem to view actual people now too#and it is so very sad to see#anyway#that's my controversial opinion for today i guess#911 discourse
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#mom asked me to cook breakfast so I made the usual but for some reason it's too salty apparently#(it doesnt)#so now she's telling me that I'm a failure followed by a bunch of sermon on why I should leave my job and get married to a girl and#shave my beard and don't eat anymore so I can actually be happy and not useless#(apparently I'm not happy now) and also says thank you mockingly. Great mom#what a fun trip#also ive been telling them can we go to this specific shop i wanna see if i can find cheaper steam deck there and they all start getting#angry on me on how selfish i am for just asking that#and how i dont care about my mom because my mom isnt interested on used game stores#like what the fuck#i paid all of the tickets for her here why the fuck am i not allowed to go to where i want#pissing me off#i wanna go homeeeeee#honestly im not excited about this trip no more i just wanna go home and just go back to work and then at night i draw and play ffxiv#the only one excited i have is disneyland on the last day but i can think of several ways they ruin it too#my mom definitely will be like im tiredd go find a chair and so i have to wait for her#i hate this trip
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Nine! About time I drew him
#my son! (is only like 7 yrs older than him)#sonic prime#nine the fox#tails nine#miles nine prower#sonic prime nine#him and his many tags#ibispaintx#digital art#artwork#my art#as you can see I’ve given up on line art cuz my lines are never straight (and neither am I)#when drawing him I just realized how complex his design is like omg#I struggled#I’m still not over that trailer he’s off his rockers he’s going insane he has done nothing wrong ever cuz I said so#I’m still pissed at sonic for saying that line#when he says ‘he messes with all of us’ does that include the chaos council???#I hope not they were they literally committed crimes against humanity#the council are only working with them for selfish reasons and are only looking out for themselve#so yeah I am now taking custody of nine because of that line#oh sonic doesn’t want him anymore? ok then mine now#don’t talk to me or my son ever again#sonic prime fanart
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i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve
but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie
#steve rogers#mcu#anti endgame#why am i still rewriting this movie five years later#really though i think i rmr just trying to work through it all#and a lot of the meta i was reblogging initially still wasn't really accurate to endgame or the rest of the mcu#like they were still making steggy more important than it canonically was while trying to explain why it was a bad ending#and it's kind of like you can say steve would respect that peggy had a life and wouldn't interfere with it but that's about it like#going on about how he DID love her so much and just wouldn't be selfish enough to do those things#or that she was soooo important to his moral compass (hence why so many fic writers had her telling him to go back to bucky lol insanity)#are just not accurate lmao i do think much as she may be rightfully disliked#while canonically he did not LOVE her he did respect her even if we think that's annoying bc she's an asshole to him in catfa#but yeah no he had a moral compass before her i understand what people were going for with the compass being symbolic but like....#any time she said anything did he listen? except for maybe when she told him he was meant for more? it really doesn't seem like it#nor did he need it! jesus! the whole point of catfa is he was chosen for a REASON he was already a good man#he did not need peggy 'sure i'll let nazis into shield' carter to teach him shit#but yeah it was bc i followed one stucky blog at the time who was reblogging a lot of good shit but a lot of that nonsensical shit too#and i was just reblogging it all bc everything sounded better than endgame#and i really did start seeing more of the discussions around peggy where her culpability in catws hadn't even occurred to me#bc i was so in fic from the beginning of joining fandom that not only was their relationship made as impt as stucky#it was also made out like what happened to shield was hurting her legacy and it's like...but she had to have at least SOME responsibility#and yeah eventually it's like okay no it's not just that steve wouldn't Do That it's also that they would've been a terrible couple#and not only would he not be so selfish but he wouldn't give up everything for HER lmao but he would've for bucky as was shown over and ove
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listened to torchwood: disco. everything hurts. ianto is such a good character bro. i need to put him inside a microwave and watch him spin. i need to put him in bubblewrap and study him. the emotions this man goes through are insane - but that's why he's my pookie. no character can be declared pookie before they see the horrors
#no but ianto's relationship with his dad reminds me so much of my relationship with my mother it's kinda freaky#he is me and i am him#realising how alike you and your terrible parent are is something that can be so personal#and he KEPT ON BEING LIKE THAT#not that he's selfish#but he kept lying. he kept pretending. “my dad was a master tailor” haunts me to this day#thinking big thoughts about him#the ianto internalised homophobia theory is still going strong i must say#ianto master criminal agenda also being supported i love to see it#ianto jones#torchwood#torchwood: disco#big finish#ianto jones' father is my enemy
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#my parents ability to make me question my moral worth and conclude “i should just die” in a million different ways is commendable#like I'm petrified of being a selfish or evil or tone deaf or cocky person because of how much i get told that i am all that#like dear mother ..me indulging in unhealthy habits is not a result of arrogance? like look at me hiding in tags instead of speaking freely#even in my own account#do you understand the amount of shame i carry#can you as a narcissist even visualise the size of the shame i am built of#there is nothing left in me other than shame and guilt#me telling you i wanna stop existing and kill myself is not a threat to get what i want from you#and honestly no amount of money or materialistic bullshit will ever be able to give me what i want from you#because you simply don't have it#you were built different#you were built only for yourself#you don't recognise what i need because you don't even understand it#if you did you'd see what a gaping hole of an existence is mine#life is actually so fucking beautiful#and i am not
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There's this feeling of, uh, dissonance I sometimes get. It's a little like... someone is standing in my blindspot. And I'm doing my best to turn my head, but I can't see them. And I'm not sure if it's because I'm not fully turning my head or because they're not there. And that's kind of the feeling, right? The uncertainty between those two.
And what this feeling is actually about is selfishness. Where right now, I feel like I'm being self-centered and not paying enough attention to the people around me. I'm worried that I'm missing social cues or being inconsiderate and just kind of being like... not the kind of person I want to be. But I can't actually tell if its my imagination or not.
I've done my best to communicate that anxiety, but that's probably not actually helpful, is it? Because saying "I feel selfish" to someone prompts them to soothe me which is the exact opposite of what I want. I'm not sure what to do about this.
#and part of this is definitely like#having trouble making thoughts connect sometimes#derealization or something from the depressive blip#BUT#there's also another aspect that making a post about this#general anxiety with all of the people i'm interacting with#including family and friends#is kind of a self-centered way of addressing the problem#i'm bemoaning how selfish i am#which is a narcissistic thing to do#as opposed to trying harder#which i am doing#i am doing my best#but#you see the contradiction right#n@ post#n@writing
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wild west boothill is getting a fic, it’s been decided
#— 🦦#it’s actually a selfship fic#uhhhh but it will be written as x reader#simply bc i’m too embarrassed to write my name in it lol#but yes it’s technically wild west suhill au :3 how we meet#must decide if i will post it. . .#if it turns out too good then i’ll probably get a bit selfish#we’ll see!#in the meantime i am writing something so sunarin’s bday :3#haven’t forgotten about u baby i promise 🫶🏽🫶🏽
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You know a really insufferable type of person? The ones who move through the world as if they’re the main character and everyone else is a supporting character instead of human beings with their own rich inner lives
#ryan.txt#ugh#I’m so fucking irked#why do I run into so many people like this#and this isn’t the whole don’t be selfish bc it’s ur life etc#I mean mfs that don’t get interested in other ppl and only talk abt themselves#I stg almost everyone I’ve known is like this to some degree#mfs who go on and on and never ask about you#and when you try to insert yourself you get overlooked#I’m doneeee#where are the ppl who actually value conversation LMAO#I am not ur side background character omg!!!#I gotta stop talking to everyone straight up bc this shit pisses me off#but am I the only one who gets bothered by this??? bc I stg I don’t see anyone saying this ugh#oh and the kicker#this person literally complains about how ppl don’t listen to them talk abt their shit#but I have seen ppl listen😭#LIKE OK#whatever
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if Oom was my sister, we'd have to fight, idc lol
#cryptid's thoughts#as someone with an older sister who I've had issues with before - OOM THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT THE SISTER YOU SUPPOSEDLY LOVE#Ai Oon does everything for her! she's consistently put her own happiness second all for the sake of Oom#yet all Oom does is demand that Ai give up more and more#Oom is incredibly selfish - the last episode tried to engender sympathy for her but it didn't work for me#the way I see it Ai Oon really had nothing while Oom got everything she wanted#yeah apparently Oom felt like Ai's shadow but I honestly don't see how that's possible?#I understand feeling hurt that May liked Ai Oon but to behave in the way she's behaving is spiteful and vindictive and I don't like that#Ai Oon's happiness should come first if she cares about her#like Oom pretending she gives a shit about Ai Oon is ridiculous to me#and the way she treats May is so nasty!#Ai Oon never treats May that way even when she has more than enough reason to be upset! More than Oom!#Oom just gives off that spoiled brat energy#and poor Paul!!! like wtf#and everyone in the youtube comments really crying about Oom like am I the crazy one here? ya'll can't be serious lol#pluto the series
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