#science jesus quotes

[five-nights-at-squids]

“Nah fr?? I thought that was vampires!”

there’s a lot of misinformation about autism that gets spread on the internet, so here’s a friendly reminder that the main symptoms of autism are as follows:

insomnia

an adverse reaction when exposed to direct sunlight

highly selective eating habits

skin that is cold to the touch

an inability to enter churches

long, unusually sharp canines

a thirst for blood

if you experience several of these symptoms, you could be autistic! i recommend doing further research on your own, as i am not a doctor and cannot diagnose you, but i hope that someone finds this clarification helpful.

[thepersonalwords]

All our sentiments - religious, romantic or any other - are born in the neurons.

Abhijit Naskar, Neurons of Jesus: Mind of A Teacher, Spouse & Thinker

[a-typical]

And is not the truth of the Sun's nature as revealed by modern science far more wonderful: no mere angels or gold coin, but an enormous sphere into which a million Earths could be packed, in the core of which the hidden nuclei of atoms are being jammed together, hydrogen transfigured into helium, the energy latent in hydrogen for billions of years released, the Earth and other planets warmed and lit thereby, and the same process repeated four hundred billion times elsewhere in the Milky Way galaxy?

The blueprints, detailed instructions, and job orders for building you from scratch would fill about 1,000 encyclopedia volumes if written out in English. Yet every cell in your body has a set of these encyclopedias. A quasar is so far away that the light we see from it began its intergalactic voyage before the Earth was formed. Every person on Earth is descended from the same not-quite-human ancestors in East Africa a few million years ago, making us all cousins.

Whenever I think about any of these discoveries, I feel a tingle of exhilaration. My heart races. I can't help it. Science is an astonishment and a delight. Every time a spacecraft flies by a new world, I find myself amazed. Planetary scientists ask themselves: "Oh, is that the way it is? Why didn't we think of that?" But nature is always more subtle, more intricate, more elegant than what we are able to imagine.

— The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark - Carl Sagan (1996)

[the-homosphere]

like those little cells didn’t know it but their dna coded to make jesus fanfiction

(via @miku-voice-feminization)

[five-nights-at-squids]

“BRO THEY DISCOVERED THE MEANING OF LIFE I THOUGHT IT WOULD TAKE THEM 50000 YEARS TO DO THAT” - science jesus

this website is too fucking easy you make a post about transgender gay sex or the skull and people black out and hit reblog

[donotdestroy]

Neil deGrasse Tyson |  Danica Patrick

[pastormike1976]

Quote about the modern transformation of Jesus by Rin Wilson.

[nersonangelo]

Consciousness

Without consciousness what will quantify existence. Without individuality what is the face of society. Without the sense of self can anyone experience beauty. Can anything evolve without a focal point even the galaxy.

[five-nights-at-squids]

“And guess who isn’t. Me.”

[nando161mando]

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, AGAIN AGAIN✦

Ghost: Release me, woman. Fem!Y/N: …. *hugs him tighter* :3 Ghost, scared of intimacy: UNHAND ME!- -- (Comedic Death Mention) Someone: I shot you six times hOW ARE YOU ALIVE?! Y/N: Fool! The only one that’s gonna knock me off is ME! Price: *PANICKING*

-- Gaz: What did you do? Soap: ….suckdickonaccident Gaz: What? Soap: Sucked dick on accident! Gaz: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SU-

-- Gaz: Here. We’ll put your phone on the aux- Y/N: NO DON’T- Speakers on full volume: FUCKFUCKFUCKMEUPANDCUTCUTCU- Price: JESUS BLOODY CHRIST *shuts off radio* Soap: *scratching the inside of his ear* Steamin’ Jesus- Y/N: I tried to warn you! Gaz: Who listens to Slipknot at 0900?! Ghost: *raises hand* Gaz: That’s- okay that’s fair. Soap: I’ve gone deaf. Y/N: You’re a bomb tech, it was gonna happen eventually. Soap: *middle finger* Price: *disappointed sigh* It’s too early for this-

-- (This one’s kinda sad but I couldn't stop thinkin' bout it-) Alejandro: You used to be nice…or did you never used to be? Valeria: … Alejandro: Oh god…maybe you never used to be…

-- Not a quote but if any of you have heard that audio that’s the names of the Princes of Hell overlayed on Funky Town, please imagine Soap & Y/N dancing to the Funky Town portion while Ghost sits there menacingly. Thank you.

-- (Depression joke) Y/N: Ahaaaa I’m soooo unwell. Price: Go to the psyche- Y/N: Ya know what it never was? That serious. It was never that serious- Price: Get your ass back here- Y/N: NEVER!-

-- König: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die. Horangi: No-

-- (Valeria has no color here, I ran out) Valeria: *eye roll* I am not trying to seduce you. Y/N, bi panicking: …. Valeria, but now smug: Would you like me to seduce you? Y/N: *strained wheeze & squeaky* Already achieved ma’am- Gaz: *listening to a mic implanted on Y/N* God damnit dON’T LET YOUR MOMMY ISSUES RUIN THIS MISSION!

-- (These next two have mental health jokes in’em) Y/N, hyper cleaning the base: AHAHA, yes! I’m finally feeling bett- ah, wait. I’m manic, and I’m hyper cleaning everything, ✨as a diversion✨. Price: P s y c h e . Y/N: Jokes on you, old man. I already have meds for this! …might need to up them though they feel like they’ve stopped working. Price: When did you start to feel they weren’t working? Y/N: Like three months ago. Price: PSYCHE Y/N: ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT MEDS ARE SCAAAARRYYY Price: YOU KILL MEN ALMOST EVERYDAY Y/N: Fair point. (Take ya meds)

-- Price: I don’t understand you- Y/N: Good! Means you’re probably mentally well. Price: I- Gaz: We really need to like- specify when you’re joking and when you’re serious, you’re gonna give him a heart attack.

-- Gaz: …Hm. Price: You’ve been staring at me for the past six minutes, what is it?Gaz: I think you have a grey hair. Price: Y/N, speeding in: WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE, IT’S BARELY EVEN THERE AND EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING GREY IT’D LOOK FANTASTIC ON YOU. Price: …would it? Y/N: Absolutely! …*thumps Gaz in the back of the head* Gaz: Ow-Uh yeah! Yeah! Actually I don’t even think it’s there, just the lighting. Price: Hm…alright. Y/N: Mhm! *death glare* Gaz: *mouthing* I’msosorry-

-- (Will someone please notice that I write Ghost as "Simon" when he's with Soap and they're being soft? It's intentional-) Soap: I’m not really sure what I’d do if I lost you… Simon: I know what I’d do. Soap: What? Simon: I’d find you.

-- Soap: I got my ankles microwaved. Ghost: X-rayed. Soap: They took my blood away for science! Ghost: Cholesterol tests. Soap: Si had his sinuses…removed? Ghost: Looked at. Soap: Some guy looked at my penis, touched it. That was weird. Ghost, cleaning blood off a knife: That guy wasn’t even a doctor.

-- Medic!Y/N: You think killing is hard? Try healing something. That is hard, that requires patience. Alejandro, watching them bandage his hand: Hm… Medic!Y/N: You can break something in two seconds. *vaguely motions to Ghost, then Price, then at a necklace Alejandro wears that came from Valeria* But it can take forever to fix it. Alejandro: …aye…well said.

-- Gaz: *being annoying and singing a song for the 10,000th time* Price: KYLE! Gaz: I’m watchin’ my tone, dunana. I ain’t talkin’ back, no, why? Cause I’ma get thrown, dunana-

-- Graves: You know, Ghost, real talk bro, you never say nothin’ when you’re around us. Why is that? Ghost: Cause I don’t fucking like you guys.

-- Enemy: I’m gonna send you to God. Y/N: God? I’m insulted you think I’d end up in Heaven. I work hard for my sins, thank you very much. Ghost: We are hostages right now, can you please not-

-- Valeria: And guess who gets to be my little helper.~ Y/N: It’s me, I’m the helper… Valeria: That’s right, you sure are.~ Alejandro: Alright that’s enough! Valeria: What? You don’t believe in positive affirmation?

-- Rudy: Me gustan los perros. Alejandro: Me gustas… Rudy: ….hm. Me gusta un hombre en el ejército. Alejandro: Aye? Rudy: Mhm. Alejandro: *chuckles* Me gusta mi mejor amigo. Rudy: Me gustas.

(This was poorly translated but listen, I tried for the gays)

-- Price: You actually were telling the truth. Valeria: I do that quite a lot, you people are always surprised.

-- Laswell: Don’t pull any of those stunts like you did last time. Fem!Y/N: I made an offering. Laswell: You dropped a dead mouse into that poor man’s lap. Fem!Y/N: Yes! Like a cat. Laswell: You are not a cat! Fem:Y/N: No…tragically, I am a woman.

-- Ghost: Some people are simply…better than others. Graves: You really think you’re that much better than me? Ghost: Oh I think we both know the answer to that.

--

(Needing to fake a date for a mission) Y/N, on the phone: Laswell, I don’t need help with dating. I’ve been on loads of dates! Y/N: *turns and whispers to Gaz* I’ve literally been on one.

-- Enemy: Think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Y/N: If you can ask them without the usual level of stupid. Enemy: Where’s your captain and why hasn’t anyone been able to contact him? Y/N: I dunno, I’ve been here, haven’t seen him in days. Enemy: Is he drinking again? Y/N: What do you mean again? He never had to stop. Enemy: But he did have to slow down, is he drinking like he used to? Y/N: Alright, how bout this? Next time I see him, I’ll give’im the field sobriety test, okay? We’ll do the alphabet, start with F & end with U.

-- Graves: And that’s why I personally, don’t agree with your opinion. Soap: Okay, counter point- Graves: Valid argument? Soap: No. Pipebomb!

-- Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Y/N: I’ma instigate. Gaz, lightly pulling them back: nnnnoooooooooo-

-- Y/N: Eeraaawr >:3 Gaz: What sound is that? Y/N: A dyianosaur Gaz: A what? Y/N: Dianoswaur. Gaz: Make the sound again. Y/N: Uurraawer Gaz: Oh you talkin’ bout them things from ✨Jerressi PerAHck✨ Y/N: AHAH! Ghost: I’m gonna lose it. Soap: Hush yer mouth, it’s cute. Lighten up ya big log.

-- Ghost: I think I’ve finally had enough. Y/N, getting his antidepressants: I think you’re full of shit.

-- Medic!Y/N: C’mon, stick with me, Ghost. Ghost: Might be time to follow my call si-OH FUCKING HELL WHY Medic!Y/N: You listen here you Fuckin’ bastard, I’m gonna love the absolute shit out of you until you never make a joke like that again. And then, if you still do it, I’ll have the team smother, smother, you in affection. And if you STILL don’t get it, THEN I’m gonna whoop your ass. Shut your perfect fucking mouth, you got that, soldier?! Ghost: ….since when did you get scary? Medic!Y/N: Adrenalin keeps people alive and sometimes we run out of epipens, had to substitute somehow.

-- Price: Now, sergent, what would you rather be? A lion or a panda? Soap: Captain, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else? Price: I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that is.

-- Ghost, pissed off: Sometimes I can’t stand you. Y/N, while walking away: Then kneel! And while you’re down there, occupy your mouth, you’d do better down there, QUIET, anyway!! Ghost: I-…… Soap: Oooooo…. Gaz: I- I-…they have no fear. None. Absolutely no survival instinct, no self preservation. None!

-- (Younger Y/N as in like…mid-late twenties. Also, this one is long. I might honestly make a lil oneshot with this one and I welcome anyone else to do the same) Y/N: John… Price: I know, I know. You love me. You’ve said it a thousand times and it should just stick, I just…can’t help but think about how you’re so… Y/N: *snort* Out of your league? Price: To put it bluntly. Y/N: Well, regardless of where I rank? I still love you. I’m going to love you for a long time, you’re stuck with me, ya sweethearted bastard. Price, fondly: Ah Dear, whatever will I do. Y/N: Yeaaaah. Besides! Even if I wasn’t completely and utterly, disgustingly, in love with you? …you are way too good of a sugar daddy to ditch. Price: Hah! Oh really? Why’s that? Y/N: Are you kidding?! Paid off house, paid off car, successful military captain, great manners, great dick, extremely attractive, good with kids, good cook, sexy voice. I could go on for awhile. Price: Oh now you’re just feedin’ my ego. Y/N: Yes, yes I am. Price: I’ll get cocky. Y/N: You’re sexy when you’re arrogant too, that doesn’t deter me. Price: *sigh* Far out of my league. Y/N: You’re a rank climber, I think you’ll keep up.

-- (NSFW but it's in a ha-ha funny way, based on a conversation I've had. Kink mentions) Soap: Look, I just...I need advice on how to spice it up in the bedroom. Y/N: Do you know how little that narrows it down? Gaz: I feel there are few options. Y/N: No there are a lot of options, it depends on your level of spice. I dunno your boundaries wit'cha man! Soap: I just need something! Y/N: THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS! Get some handcuffs, grab a vibrator, TRY ANAL, I don't fucking know! Gaz: *chokes on drink* Soap: Okay, listen- Y/N: No, you listen. Rule of thumb with kinks? It's a mountain and there are three kinds of people on it. People who don't wanna climb, people who want to climb but choose not to, and people who stay climbing. You reach a level of kinkiness and you stay there. You can't go back down the mountain. Me, personally? I have chosen to stop climbing because I know I'll get worse. I'm choosing to stay on my part of the mountain. Where you wanna climb is up to you. Soap: Where do I climb then? Y/N: The beginner's trail is fuzzy handcuffs, orgasm control, and mirror sex. Soap: This is the weirdest advice I've ever gotten. Y/N: It's my specialty.

-- (Follow it up with an asexual joke) Graves: Are you fighting the urge to make out with me right now? Y/N: Not really, I'm really into this pizza though. Soap, in the back: Aw they burnt my fuckin' cookies! Assholes. Y/N: Karma. Soap: It is not my fault I ate the last slice of cake, I didn't know it was yours- Y/N: IT WAS LABELED! Soap: I DIDN'T SEE IT!! Graves: *slowly backs away*

-- Y/N, holding up a coffee pot: Anyone want more coffee? Price: No, we've all had ours. Y/N: *takes off the lid* Cool. Gaz: What are y-NO! Y/N: *chugging from the pot* Ghost: ...This is the peak of mental illness. Price: PUT THE DAMN POT DOWN! Soap: This is the scariest thing I've ever seen them do- Y/N: *fighting to finish the coffee as Price tries to get it away from them*

[asthedeathoflight]

Fanfic Friday!!!!

Thank you to @oldbutchdaniel for coming up with this idea it's very delightful. Also I stole the formatting from @byooregard 's post so shoutout to them

Open Eyes and Behind Your Teeth by Tisiphones, E, 12.5k, ongoing

It wasn't fascinating, the way the boy didn't know whether to lean into the touch or away from it, confused by the comfort and the pain it offered in equal measures. It wasn't. Armand could do the same thing — did do the same thing, whenever Louis deigned to touch him at all — and Louis still thought he was boring. It couldn't be this that had captivated him. But that didn't mean it wasn't fun. --- Armand weighs the pros and cons of dog ownership. Episode 2x05 puppyplay but fucked up style. Featuring Armand having sensory difficulties and Daniel desperately trying not to be into this, like, sexually.

Different for Vampires by Ariaste, M, 49k, ongoing

Daniel Molloy: Professionally Sassing Vampires Since 1973. *** “And you say that Armand was…” Daniel checked his notepad. “Telling you all this via the medium of song and choreographed dance. And, I quote, ‘in black and white, a la Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.’” “Well,” said Lestat with an expansive gesture. “Figuratively.” Daniel gripped his patience with both hands, but that didn’t seem to help much. Extremely fun fic about Daniel's adventures in vampirism post-everything. Includes some really great vampire instinct shenanigans re: fledglings and makers.

The Mind is a Wilderness by Celestialskiff, M/E, 21k, ongoing series

Essentially, this fic is Louis saying, “I’ll take care of you. It’s rotten work. Especially to me, especially if it’s you. I’ll fucking do it, but Christ Alive.” Set post S02: Louis finds Armand. Very very very good post s2 loumand series featuring Armand's various struggles with age regression and dissociation and Louis doing his best to take care of him.

A Memo From Human Resources by Nestorius, G, 2.5k, complete

The pitfalls of having a vampire boss. I've already recced this fic on here but y'all are gonna hear about it again. Rashidmand character study written before 1x03 came out. So good it made me suddenly wish Rashid wasn't Armand because jesus christ, guys. I will be thinking about this nonexistent guy for the rest of my life.

Thank you for listening. I'm imagining that we are all set up at little booths like a science fair presenting about our fics

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

Okay so since there’s soooo much fucking transphobia rampant, here’s a post for those of you who either are Christian and/or surrounded by Christian queerphobes. Here’s a list of rebuttals to when they start talking about how being trans is ungodly.

Most of these rebuttals are religious as that is the base they will be arguing from; however I did include  bit of a science to make their heads spin.

“Genesis also says that God made morning and evening. Are morning and evening strictly binary? Is there nothing inbetween? Can you define 'morning'? How about the binary of darkness and light?”

“So if we're born the gender we are, what are intersex people?” [when they inevitably say there's just "so few of them"] “There are more intersex people than there are redheads. 1.7% of the population are Intersex, while roughly 1.5% are redheads. Does that mean that redheads do not 'count' when discussing hair color?”

[to “God doesn't make mistakes”] “Yes, of course. They just do impossible things. After all, if God could put a baby into a virgin, or could bring life to the dead, why could they not put a boy's soul into a girl's body, or vice versa?”

Feel free to also say “God literally made such a mistake with all humanity that they flooded the planet.”

This line is from a Jewish source, Something That May Shock and Discredit You by Daniel Mallory Ortberg: “As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: 'God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.'”

Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.“

If they're using the Deuteronomy verse (22:5, about not crossdressing or w/e), know that line is mistranslated. Quoting https://hoperemainsonline.com/index.php/transgender/, “A more literal translation from Hebrew reads 'The weapon of a warrior shall not be on a woman, nor shall a warrior put on the robe of a woman, for all who do these things are a hateful thing to the LORD thy God.' The word “robe” is translated from the Hebrew word simlah, which was a garment worn by both sexes. Clearly, this cannot be referring to cross-dressing. What could it be referring to then? A much more likely answer to that question is that it is about ritual purity and the mixing of blood. Both warrior’s swords and women’s garments would get blood on them, one from battle and the other from menstruation. To have a man wear the robe of a woman, or vice versa, would mix blood, which was considered an abomination under the law.”

Similar mistranslations result in the homophobic verses they spew as well. just browse through hoperemains for some inspo

This last one is long, but it talks about how all humans, including women, were created in God's image; therefore, God is both male and female. If it's wrong for humans to be, why is God enby themself? 

From The Africana Bible, edited by Hugh R Page Jr:

“The term occasionally translated as 'human beings' in the NRSV and generally as "man" in most other English versions is  'adam or ha'adam. Now this is clearly not a personal name (that is, Adam) as the KJV ill-advisedly begins to indicate at about Gen. 2:19. A better translation of this term, however, would be “the earthling” since the term is derived from the term ‘adamah, meaning “land” or “earth.” Such a translation clarifies better than “man” or even “human being” that the original intent of the author is to emphasize that God made “earthlings” as a whole, not just males, in God’s image[...]”

[...]“Such a translation takes into consideration that the term ‘adam is meant to function as a collective term referring to both the male and the female. Thus, we should note that ‘adam here is not a name or an ascription of gender but a collective term for “earthlings” in general; this is emphasized by the author’s choice of the plural pronoun ‘otham, and the use of the plural verbs veyirddu and urdu, meaning in 1:26 and 1:28, 'let THEM have dominion,' further reiterates the inclusive nature of the term ‘adam. [...] In Genesis 1 and 2, both genders were created with equal expressions of God’s image, equal authority over the earth, and equal value as human beings.”

[hylaarborealove]

your god is a fiction, theist...

Very insightful, thank you. You prooved my point, you have no idea what you are talking about. Most probably not bothered to look into what Jesus theaches and what the Bible says. If you did you would know that only the fool says in his heart there is no God. Not my words but a Bible quote.

The world's religions in fact do NOT teach the same thing. Also very interesting that Jesus is the only one, every other religion mestions, respects and says is one way or another talked about the truth and preached God's words. (That might be because He is the Word in flesh).

You can deny it all you want, but that does not make it true. JESUS is the truth.

The Bible was written by 40 different people, it goes on for centuries and more, it all points to one God and to Jesus. Check out all the cross references in the entire book. It's an insame amount for people who did not even met each other. Clue no.1 that it must be something bigger than them. All of the prfecies about Jesus and His coming and saving us is fulfilled except the ones about the endtimes because by the grace of God, we are not there yet. Jesus is in everything. Genesis begins with the creation of the universe, (6days plus the one that God rested on) and believe it or not, its in the exact order that the BigBoom theorist believe all evolved and has a perfect alinement with the Evolution theory (not the part that says we were at one point monkeys obviosly). Curious. It was written 1000s of years ago... dont you find that interesting that God states something and than science runs to "descover" it.

The bigboom theory is just ridiculous. We can clearly see, that in our world everything has a cause. God is the creator, He was the cause this whole thing exists now. Now this is the point most people get it wrong. "Who created God?" No one. He is a infinite beeing, He has no cause, because He is not a part of this world that is based on the cause and consequence. He is apart from it, above it, outside of it, since He created it and it's order.

Hope this helps, of you have more specific questions and not just atheist memes to try to proove your point, I will gladly explain anything about God, anything our theology teaches, even our history. And if I don't know the answer right away (which is not due to the falshood of what I'm saving, just proof that I myself am human and can't always know everything,) then i'll do everything in my power to find the answer for you.

If you find it in yourself, I can introduce you to God, but if I still haven't managed to change your feelings or ways of thinking, thank please be civil and let's say goodbye in a conservative and considerate manner.

Love,

Hyla

[alovesongtheywrote]

Nightmare Academia P.16 | Spencer Reid x Reader

♥ Summary: In this chapter of Nightmare Academia, a ghost encourages promiscuity. [Prof!Spencer Reid x GN-Prof!Reader]

♥ Warnings: ghosts again. also, maeve again.

♥ A/N: ghost subplot my beloved

♥ Word Count: 2252

Series Masterlist

♥♥♥

The following night, you and Reid were sitting on the floor of your office.  The book lay between you, open to the handwritten quote.  Your desk was covered with lit candles.  Reid had protested the idea of open flame, but you insisted on it- for the “ambiance.”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” Spencer asked, glaring at you as you fiddled with a little device, “This feels like pseudoscience.”

“You feel like pseudoscience.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know.  Shut up, I’m fiddling.”

Reid shut his mouth, nodding at you, and watching as you switched the spirit box on.  Immediately, a loud blast of radio static filled the room.  You and Spencer both short back from your positions, exclaiming in surprise and mild agony.

“Jesus, shit!” You yelled, frantically turning the volume down until you couldn’t hear anything.

“I’ll take this as a sign that you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Fuck off, Reid.  I know how this works- the box flips through radio stations at a pace too rapid for humans to interfere with.”

“But ghosts can.  Oooo, spooky.”

“And here I thought you’d be a skeptic, Doctor Reid.”

“I am a man of science… I’ve also seen some strange things.”

“Oh yeah?”

He nodded at you, keeping his eyes on the open book.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  Apparently you’ve died before, so…”

He nodded again, “Are we doing this, or?”

You brought a finger to the volume switch, but before you turned it up, you paused.  You looked back up at Reid.  He wouldn’t meet your eye.

“You… You can’t keep dropping these things on me.  You investigated a case involving rabies.  You’ve been shot three times, once in the neck.  You’ve died before-”

“Is that not… typical conversation?”

A smile crossed your face as he finally looked at you, “Not that I’m aware of.”

“Ah.  My mistake.” 

“Okay, but seriously, Reid.  You can’t keep dropping these bombs on me- I know you said MIT grads have a history of going nuclear, but oh my god.”

He laughed a little, “So what is it that you want?”

“I want you to elaborate!  It’s getting ridiculous.  I know how to piss you off, and I know your favourite colour is purple, but I don’t know much else about you.”

He paused, “How did you figure out my favourite colour?”

You shrugged, leaning towards him and wrapping your fingers around his purple tie.  You gently pulled him to you, but he fell as if you’d yanked him forward.

“You didn’t make it hard to figure out, Reid.”

He shrugged, sitting up from his odd position on the floor, “Then maybe you can figure out everything else.”

“Okay,” you released his tie, “You don’t want to tell me.  Maybe I’ll just ask the ghosts.”

As you turned the volume up, Spencer’s smile faded.  You cleared your throat.

“Hey there demons, it’s me, ya boi.”

There was no response.  Spencer gave you a look, raising an eyebrow skeptically.  You shook your head at him, waving a hand at him to make him stay quiet.

“Hello?” you started again, “Ghosts?  Ghouls?  Inhabitants of Reid’s book?”

Again, there was no response.

Reid sat up, getting onto his knees and leaning towards the spirit box, “Hello?”

As the word fell from his lips, the box let out a wretched high-pitched screech.  Spencer fell backwards, and you nearly threw the box out the door and into the hallway.  

“Jesus- I can’t tell if the ghosts like you, or if they want you dead more than I do.”

“Or maybe your box is just broken.”

“No, that’s impossible, it can’t be that,” you lied, knowing full well that you purchased your spirit box second-hand on eBay, “The ghosts just hate you, Reid.”

“Wrong.”

A woman’s voice cut through the static, sounding crystal clear and slightly sarcastic.  You looked down at the box, eyes wide with shock and amazement.  Reid also looked at the box, eyes wide with shock and horror.

“Okay then,” you said, smiling as you, too, got to your knees, “I guess the ghosts love you.”

“Better.”

“That confirms it!  The ghosts love you,” you passed him the spirit box, “Here, you do the talking.”

Spencer took it tentatively, “Hi?  Uh, to whatever spirit is haunting my book, could you please… not do that?”

“Mmm… nope.”

“Oh shit,” you giggled, “Sassy ghost.”

“Oh, okay,” Spencer’s fingers tapped against the box, “So… a-about the afterlife, is it- are you okay?”

“Fine… You… Aren’t.”

“Oh shit!  Sassy ghost!” you leaned forward, “Stop bullying him, ghost!  That’s my job!”

“It is.”

“Oh!” You pulled yourself closer to Reid and the book, “She knows me!  Hey, ghost?  Can I ask you a question?”

The ghost didn’t answer.  You took that as a yes.

“Why The Narrative of John Smith?  I mean, it’s an alright book!  A perfectly fine choice!  But was it like, a choice?  Or was it-”

“Choice.  He… Knows.”

You looked up, raising an eyebrow, “Oh?  Does he now?”

Spencer looked at you with wide eyes, holding his hands up in surrender, “I don’t- at least, I don’t think I do.”

“Oh, you don’t think you do.  Well, that makes me sure you know it.”

“How?”

“Spencer, is there anything you don’t know?”

“Your favourite colour.”

You scoffed, opening your mouth to answer him when the spirit box cut you off.

“Green.”

Reid looked at you for confirmation.  You just shrugged.

“Okay ghost,” you reached over, taking the box from Reid.  Your fingers brushed against his.  His skin was cold against yours.  As your hands touched, the box beeped- almost as if the ghost was happy, “Why are you haunting this book?”

“Spencer.”

“Oh,” the colour drained from your cheeks, “Oh, shit.”

Spencer went quiet.  You reached out, placing a hand on his arm.  He jumped a little, but placed one of his hands over yours.

“Are you okay?” you asked, whispering as if that would keep the ghost from hearing you.

“I’m fine.  It’s just- it’s nothing.”

“I wouldn’t call it nothing.  She said your name, that’s freaky.”

“Was it not freaky before?”

“Before I could chalk this up to random coincidence- it would be a stretch, but I could do it.  Now I know she knows your name.”

“It could still be a coincidence.”

You narrowed your eyes at Spencer, tilting your head to the side, “Yeah.  Sure, Spencer.  The ghost has just coincidentally answered all our questions and said your name.  Normal shit.  Average Wednesday!”

“(Y/N)... don’t tell me you’re scared,” he asked with a smirk on his face.

“Spencer,” you growled, “Don’t bully me about this.  And don’t act like you’re not scared.”

“Are you profiling me?” he asked, still smirking.

“Maybe,” you placed the box on the floor beside the book.  Then you turned to face Spencer.  You rolled up his sleeve with your free hand and ran a finger across the veins in his arm.  You tried not to enjoy the act too much.

“Look at all these goosebumps,” you continued, “And you’re paler than any ghost I’ve ever seen.”

“Y’know, I’ve heard that one before, that might just be how I look.”

“Maybe so, but you’re really pale now.  Almost like you’re scared.”

“I promise you, I’m not scared.”

“Are you sure?  You look scared, pretty boy.”

“I- Is this helping you feel better, or something?”

“... Yes.”

Spencer paused for a second.  He removed his arm from your grasp and took one of your hands into one of his own.

“Keep doing it, then.”

Before you could even begin to form a response, the spirit box beeped again.

“Yes!”

You laughed, pulling away from Reid slightly, but leaving your hand in his, “She’s excited.”

“Why-?” Spencer whispered.

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it.  Hey, ghost,” you asked, “If you won’t stop haunting the book, is there anything we can do to… I don’t know, make haunting comfortable for you?  Make you… less likely to throw things at us?”

There was a pause, a few moments of static and then: “Fuck!”

You and Spencer let each other go.  You both got to your knees, hovering over the spirit box with concern- humans man, they’ll pack bond with anything.

“Ghost!  Are you okay!?” You asked, genuinely concerned about the ghost’s wellbeing.

“No!”

“What’s wrong?  Maeve?  Maeve?”

You paused, drawing back and looking at Spencer, “Maeve?”

“No!” The spirit box yelled again- but the ghost didn’t sound too upset.  Honestly, she sounded more stressed than anything else.

“What can we do, ghost?” You asked, “What can we do to help?”

“You… can…” The candles flickered violently before going out in a puff of smoke, “Fuck!”

“What- what’s wrong?” Spencer asked, his voice growing more desperate.  As he reached out for the spirit box, a loud creak rang out from one of the walls.  Your eyes widened as you noticed- one of your bookshelves was leaning away from the wall.

“Reid, look out!” you snatched the book in one hand and tackled Reid with literally every other part of your body.  The two of you rolled out of the way just as the bookshelf collapsed, shattering the spirit box beneath it.

When the dust settled, you were on top of Spencer.

You didn’t even have it in you to be embarrassed about straddling his lap- at least, not at first.  No, your initial concern was his stab wound.  You shifted slightly, drawing a shaky gasp from the man beneath you.  You didn’t even notice.  You had a mission.

Your hands shifted to the edge of his sweater, pushing it up slightly to find the wound beneath.  It took you a second (the man wears a lot of layers) but you were quickly met with the sight of a pristine white bandage surrounded by slightly irritated skin.

Once you were sure Spencer wasn’t going to bleed to death, you let yourself collapse forward on his chest, letting out a sound of pure relief as you did.

“(Y/N)- “

“Are you okay?  I-it didn’t look like you tore your stitches, but if something’s wrong, I can drive you to the hospital-”

“Hey, I’m fine-” he said, cautiously wrapping his arms around your back, “I promise, I’m fine.”

“You swear you’re okay?” you asked, propping yourself up with one arm so you could see his face, “You’re not just saying it to get me to calm down?”

“I swear.  I’m fine.  Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just fucking terrified right now.  Is the book okay?  I’m scared to look.”

“The- the book?” Spencer sat up with you, looking at The Narrative of John Smith, still clutched in your shaking hand, “You saved the book?”

“Well, yeah.  I mean, I’m not a profiler, but I know that it means something to you,” you placed your free hand on his chest, keeping yourself steady as you held up the book, “I wasn’t gonna risk hurting it.”

“I- You-”

“What?” you tilted your head and put the book down safely, “I might be a bitch, but I’m not evil.”

You let your spare hand drift to the book’s cover.  Your fingers ran the title.  You were so focused on your little task that you didn’t see Spencer looking at you as if you’d hung the moon and stars in the sky.  

He opened his mouth to say something, to thank you, or confess his undying love, or whatever, but you cut him off.

“I’m not stupid, either.  You worked for the FBI.  You know how to hide a body.  And they’d never suspect you- not only are you a genius, you’re former FBI.  You have friends, they’d cover for you, so if I ever piss you off too much-”

You didn’t get another word out.  Spencer pulled you close to him and wrapped his arms around you.  You hesitated for a split second before you embraced him back.  You buried your face in his chest, wrapping yourself around him as tightly as you dared to.  You could feel his heart racing in his chest.  The sound was a comfort to you.  

Spencer was okay, uncrushed, and not bleeding.  He hadn’t died in your office.  He was alive, and in your arms, and you were both safe.

After a minute, you pulled apart, finally moving to stand.  You turned, slightly, taking in the damage to your office.

“Honestly?  It’s not too bad.  I didn’t have any glass on that shelf.  Just books.  It’ll be a bitch to clean up, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhmm.  It’ll be fi-”

Before you could finish, the lights in your office began to flicker.  Violently.  You stepped back towards Spencer just as he reached out and pulled you towards him.  The two of you stood in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around each other, watching the lights turn on and off.

“So.  I think my office is haunted.”

“Do you want to work out of mine?”

“Sorry?”

“While you deal with the ghost problem-” Spencer pulled you out of the way as a book flew off the shelf towards you.  The momentum spun you around, making you face him, “Do you want to work out of my office?”

The lights turned off for a final time.  Your hands stretched into the dark, stopping when they found Reid’s shoulders.  You held on for dear life, waiting for your eyes to adjust. 

“Even if I didn’t want to, I think the ghost just said ‘Yes.’”

♥ Tags: @icarusignite, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @maraudersforlife2005, @fictionalcomforts, @morgthemagpie, @iiheartbowie, @digitalhearts, @corpsebridenightamare, @ghostatrixx, @reiding-writing, @mywellspringoflife, @80katie, @ms-ks-world, if you asked to be tagged and i forgot, pls let me know!! if you would like to be tagged and aren't, also let me know :D

[five-nights-at-squids]

“You can do a cross-over of anything. Even 2 men in completely separate universes”-Science Jesus

First kiss? (SecurityWaiter)

homosexuals.