#scared of dying alone
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an angel who saved a guy before he could die and vows to protect him and bring him joy
#no one was there to help him#when he was dying alone in his room#except for her#hes very sad but its ok#she is going to take him places so he can have fun!!#and finally enjoy himself#and relax#after he spent his whole life too scared to do anything#shes going to take him to see a pretty sunset#and show him how beautiful it is#oc#oc art
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"you're not a sorcerer. i would know" oh fuck oh fuick of uvkkk he fully believed he and merlin were equals, they were friends, they had no secrets, they knew each other completely and utterly, the good and the bad. arthur finding out his best friend has been lying and hiding for years and nothing he knew was true. god fuck ogoofu fukckkk
#it hurts#it hurts so much#arthur bby im so sorry#i love you#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#angst#FUCK HE WAS DYING AND WAS SO SCARED AND FINALLY MERLIN SHOWS UP#āwhere have you been?ā#HE JUST WANTED HIS FRIEND#HE DIDNT WANT TO BE ALONE#IM AT WORK I CANT BE CRYING OH FUCK MAKE IT STOP
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more scared of getting old than dying young
#venting#actually mentally ill#i hate it here#die#mentally fucked#i am scared#im dying#dying inside#dying young#feelings#alone with my thoughts#too fucking much#deppresing thoughts#kinda depressing#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit
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I thought a lot about Hob meeting Death for the first time and of course theyāre hitting it off straight away ā¦ but what if instead of Dream itās Hob who accompanies Death while sheās working? Just because heās a curious brother-in-law and none of the Endless can say no to his pleading cow eyes.
He witnesses how calm and peaceful it can be to leave the living world behind with someone as gentle as Dreams sister to guide someoneās soul.
It scares Dream; what if Hob decides he wants to end his life after all?
But in reality it heals a part of Hob that he never was able to piece back together before.
Eleanor. Robyn. The baby that never got the chance to take its first breath. His memories are still painful, still make him tear up.
But seeing Death do her job makes him feel ā¦ grateful. Knowing that she was with them at the end of their days, smiling at them, taking their hands, holding them in her arms.
It also makes him appreciate life even more and he promises to enjoy every single day as much as humanly possible.
#the sandman#dreamling#hob gadling#dream of the endless#death of the endless#I just loved that episode so much#Iām so damn scared of death#not of dying but death itself#like whatās going to happen? I canāt just fucking disappear into nothingness?!#but that episode calmed me sooo much#the idea of someone so gentle greeting you at the end of your life#that episode was just gold and it helped me so much#my mom died early of cancer and the thought that she wasnāt alone played over and over in my head#thought that maybe hob felt the same when he thought about the ones he lost#anyway Iām rambling#kirby howell baptiste
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You're scared you'll never care about someone. You're scared you never have. You don't know how much love is held in your chest. You never will.
#thinking about how Echo notices that she's stopped evolving into umbreon/espeon#and feels horrible that she no longer cares about Pinna enough to evolve for her through that bond.#thinking about how as the time loop is breaking down and decaying into irreparable disarray Echo gives up on a fruitless try to save it#because Pinna (whose memories are restored by the entropy of the loop's decay) is scared to die alone#and Echo refuses to abandon her partner ever again.#Echo evolves into a sylveon as she stays in the ruins of the timeline to comfort Pinna as they shatter into nothingness together#and it's ultimately that act of loveā that gesture of āIt doesn't matter how scared I am myself. I won't let you face this aloneāā#that gives the timeline's celebi Snowdrop the hope she needs to mend the timeline and break the loop herself#after centuries uncounted of depression and resignation and nihilism.#Thinking about how love was the answer to hopelessness.#Dying.#dugtrio day au#pmd ocs#pmd oc#pokĆ©mon mystery dungeon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd explorers of sky#pmd explorers#pmd sky#pmd eos#pmd2#pmd#eevee#espeon#umbreon#Sylveon
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If you don't like Genshin PLEASE scroll. Guys I'm sorry if this is cringe but the bats and their visions stories.
Case #0: Batman
Batman has no vision.
Case #1: Nightwing
Dick Grayson obtained his vision at age ten, two years after Batman took him in. His intense feelings drove him to go behind his mentor's back, tracking down his parents' killer and hatching a plan to eliminate him.
As he stood over the cowering man, gun in hand as Zucco begged for his pathetic life, his finger tensed and relaxed over the trigger of the gun. A purple glow shone. Till now, he does not know if it was an appeasement or an order from the gods.
A few moments later, Batman arrived to find his ward with a gun and vision in his hand. Despite this, Tony Zucco was still breathing.
Case #2: Red Hood
Jason Todd was captured and tortured in a warehouse in Qurac by Joker. After sustaining severe injuries, he was tied up and left with a ticking time bomb beside him.
Perhaps, as the bomb ticked to its final second, Jason had thought that Batman had forsaken him. That he had lost his father. However, even the bright cyan energy that suddenly emitted could not save him from his fiery fate.
Jason Todd was buried with a grey anemo vision.
Case #3: Batgirl
Cassandra has no vision. Perhaps she might have had one before, David Cain was never a big fan of magic given by the gods.
Case #4: Red Robin
Tim Drake had been training under Batman to take the mantle of Robin. It was a late night, Batman was out on patrol and Tim was burying himself in case files. Unfortunately, he had fallen asleep in the mess.
When Batman returned, he was greeted by a green glow and it was then that he knew Tim was destined to be the world's greatest detective.
Case #5: Spoiler
Stephanie Brown was young when she acquired her vision. She had walked into one of her father's nefarious crimes. Of course she was afraid, it was only natural.
But as she sat in her bedroom in the quiet of the night, she swore to spoil her father's plans. The next day, she found a glowing purple jewel under her bed along with a purple hood.
Case #6: Robin
Damian Wayne was stubborn, naive and... forgiving. In the end, it was his love for his mother that ended his life. Not many understood but Batman did.
That was why he was so enraged when he found Damian's letter, it was lit by a cold blue light. The cryo vision was dim but not grey, almost mocking him with his son's death.
Rage bubbled inside as Batman took his frustrations out, it was only overtaken by guilt at the sight of fractures in the precious ornament. The light flickered before extinguishing.
Little guide for non-genshins
Visions are little charms given to people to grant them the ability to control their element in times of need
Purple is electro (electricity) and is given to those seen as different or abnormal.
Cyan is anemo (air) and is given to those who have lost someone close to them or on a journey for freedom
Green is dendro (grass) and is given to those in the pursuit of knowledge
Blue is cryo (ice) and is given to those who feel unloved or abandoned
#batman#bruce wayne#nightwing#dick grayson#red hood#jason todd#batgirl#orphan#cassandra cain#red robin#tim drake#spoiler#stephaine brown#robin#damian wayne#tw:genshin#sorry duke i havent figured out if metas have visions#these are meant to be written by Bruce but i think i lost it halfway#dick's one is meant to be that sparing zucco put him down a path of alot of potential and allude to his fate of being better than batman#also nightwing uses electricity so#jason's is definitely feeling like he lost bruce which is why hes anemo#also the tragedy of burying a new vision is a lot like someone dying too young#i dont want to talk about cass or tim leave me alone#steph's alludes more to breaking out of the mold of scared kids#also she is purple#like i cant give her pyro#damian's one is alot of irony because he loved his mother so much that he believed she would stop heteric until the moment he died#but he's cryo which shows he never felt loved by her or bruce
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so ... demons coming right after elegy, in the middle of the cancer arc is a crazy choice and i know it means something. please share all your big brain thoughts on mulder & demons?
well...it's kind of like...in elegy, they're being haunted by the future (omens of scully's impending death), in demons, they're haunted by the past (visions from before samantha disappeared). both are highly metaphorical, and both are intrusive, even though he sought out the second. the first is too much. the second isn't enough. and after elegy it's becoming clear that...nothing will be enough. she is so close to death that she can see it. she can't...hide it from him, anymore. she's been dying for a long time. and she doesn't make him face it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just get over it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just accept it, stop avoiding it. she goes to all of her appointments alone. she bleeds alone. even in elegy when they almost argue over it, she tells him that she is fine, and then she goes outside and cries in her car.
but she's not fine, she's so close to death that she can see it, and he knows that. he's so eternally aware. mulder's fatal flaw is that he can see the world, he understands every underlying system, he knows people and how they think. and when he says "i refuse to believe that," he knows that doesn't make it go away. in elegy, he tells her that he's afraid, and she tells him that she's fine. it is a system established long before this particular death sentence.
in the script notes for the last scene of never again, it is remarked that: āif it were ever going to happen, it would be now. as they maintain the silence.ā
the way i see it, never again is when they knew. they are not escaping each other. they are dying together. you are coming down with me. (hand in unlovable hand). and then, in the very next episode, comes a diagnosis. they are dying together. and they are dying now. silence is maintained.
so what does she do, after her diagnosis? she buys a journal, and she writes. she writes him letter after letter after letter. begging forgiveness. begging grace. begging courage.
the page that he found, that he read, this is what it said:
āmulder, i feel you close, though i know that you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful- more than i could ever express. i need to know youāre out there if i am ever to see through this.ā
i need to know youāre out there. a few months later, in demons, a gun to his chin on the floor of his childhood home, does she feel that heāll be āout thereā? she finds out she doesnāt have much longer to live, maybe weeks, in the next episode, and she doesnāt tell him. she maintains silence.
thereās so much discourse over the choices that mulder makes in demonsā¦it was selfish, it was stupid, it was confusingā¦i see people ask all the time why he would willingly do something that causes everyone to kill themselves. the answer, of course, is that mulder wants to kill himself. thatās not new, we all watched pusher. (scully watched too). in redux itās revealed that the āgethsemaneā of the episode directly following demons is not scullyās inevitable and closely impending death, itās mulder alone in his apartment with a gun.
iām really uninterested in attempting to moralize these decisionsā¦whatās āselfishā at the end of the world? i think demons makes people uncomfortable. to watch a dying woman care for her reckless partner. i also think thatāsā¦the point.
demons is desperate. thereās an obvious desperation in mulder, of course, but also in scully.
throughout season four, weāre watching scully die. sheās getting smaller. sheās getting weaker. sheās getting sicker. but as it progresses, scully is realizing that mulder is dying too. and it all culminates in demons. and what can she do but be afraid? what can she do but get down on the ground and hold him? what can she do but write about what she fears will happen to him? she wonāt be there.
nothing will ever be enough after elegy. and thereās nothing that he can do thatās enough. he canāt save her (so he thinks). andā¦he canāt solve the quest before she dies. he canāt give her the answers that sheās dying for. demons to me is such a last ditch effort. such a hail mary. she deserved to know the capital t Truth, before sheās gone. and i think they both know that maybe, when she is gone, it will never be found.
#theyāre DYING.#he does this drastic stupid thing because maybe then theyāll know about samantha. and they can go in peace.#i also think about āclosureā and how thatās 3 years after this and scully is there doing EVERYTHING doing all of the work and it was still#so hard. nearly unsurvivable.#and i think about what if she had died. and what if somehow he kept going. and he ended up there alone.#and sheās thinking that too. he will be alone. he will have no one. he will not be āout thereā and if by some miracle he is#he will be facing it by himself. he will be facing the Truth and the loss and the grief alone.#that one shot of ādemonsā where he just falls to the floor and she slowly kneels beside him and drapes herself over him and holds him#thatās this entire era to me. thatās what it culminates at. because theyāre still not saying it but theyāre seeing it.#and what is there to do? sheās so sorry.#and sheās so scared#asks#demons#Lol I wrote this and the tags months ago before leaving tumblr āļø
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I just realized; WHO TOOK CARE OF BRANCH WHEN HE WAS SICK IN THE BUNKER š who stayed up checking on him, who monitored his temp, who made him soup, who held him through the night and sang soft lullabies, who encouraged him to take his disgusting tasting medicine, who was there for him when he needed them most
#imagining a little branch curled up with the flu#all alone in the early stages of his bunker#crying because heās scared heās actually dying he isnāt sure heāll make it through the night#heās crying for grandma his crying for his brothers#but no one comes because heās all alone#man fuck peppy and all the other adult trolls why didnāt they place my boy with a new family:(#Iāll be his dad come here branchie papas here Iām your dad now#trolls#trolls dreamworks#trolls headcanons#trolls branch
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Amazing, take some of the side character demons from Evil Bound.
Vincie is a menace to Chuck and Chuck alone so in Hell, Chuck hexes his hand behind his back so that he isn't grabbed as much (and it's harder to pet him). Chuck is like the most irresponsible older sibling ever to demons though so Kelvin recruits him (as an older sibling vibe) to go help him get his ACTUAL older sibling from Earth. Chuck agrees. And then drags Vincie from Hell with them because no one else wants to babysit him and he refuses to unbind the hex just to re-hex when he returns to Hell.
In Hell, Kelvin actually doesn't appear much different than his human form! Like Kronos, the lines under his eyes are red in Hell but black on earth. Chuck however? In Hell he has wolf-ish ears and has a fur lining his neck (note the neck scars in human form). In addition to that he has four eyes in Hell (note the scars under his eyes in human form). Vincie just has horns in Hell. And! In Hell the hex doesn't have a silly looking "tied up" look, it's invisible unless Vincie strains it with movement and then its red text. But it shifts on earth to be visible.
Vincie's biggest agony for the entirety on earth is "dude it's colder here than in Hell I want a jacket to slip my arms into BUT I CANT BECAUSE IM BOUND".
#my characters#amazing show stopping rng wheel thanks#i have my oc plots on a wheel - thats 80 different options! wow! - and spun it#i spun twice and the first time it was the bodyguard plot that i drew a few days ago#the second time was evil bound#i genuinely think it new its a bad day and im not doing well so it took it easy on me with things id done recently#anyway ive never colored kelvin before which i realized today#i only have pencil art of him#also fun fact about their lil earth adventures#they fucking fail horrifically the first time they go and kronos doesnt go back#then they go back to try and get him to forcefully bring him back and theeeeen shit hits the fan#and so vincie is vibing with tolliver since hes basically useless without hands and then oops!#no more hex! and so he starts to get really super scared and tolliver is like uh isnt that a good thing your hands are free now#and vincie is horrified because the only way to break a hex from a distance is if the caster is near dead or dead#and if thats the case chuck is probably dead and that means what if kronos and kelvin are dead#how is he gonna get back to hell alone and is HE going to get punished for it#but then kronos and kelvin show up and take vincie back to hell with the not breathing chuck#but its fine in the end bc the succubi bring him back to ... life ? question mark? anyway hes revived#but vincie does have a part where hes just crying in tollivers apartment bc he thinks hes gonna be punished#for not helping the other demons and then they died#but chuck dying is basically why kronos goes back to hell - he feels responsible (hes at fault so good for him to own up)#vincie is one of the very few demons who doesnt have dark sclera#chuck vincie and kronos all have black sclera while the succubi have gray#i dont think there was ever a reason for it tbh i should make up a reason#time to go lie down and not exist the rest of the night if i can avoid it
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I just want it to be tomorrow after work so I can get unfathomably high on edibles and turn off my brain for at least a few days
#i want to be 'can barely form a sentence' high#i want to be so high that I can't think or feel for a while#don't want to think about being alone for another fucking holiday#don't want to think about being alone for the rest of my life#don't want to think about how scared i am of what the next 4 years will bring#don't want to think about all of the people hurting now#don't want to think about how I'm a weak baby for whining about my own problems#don't want to think about no matter how much dumb shit and art supplies i buy I'm still alone#don't want to think about the only person who loved me unconditionally being dead#don't want to think about how scared i am of velma getting sick or hurt because then i won't have anyone#don't want to think about all the things I've done that could bite me in the ass#don't want to think about the horrific inequality here and everywhere and I'm here just one person like an ant on a sand dune#don't want to think about how my desperation to be loved also makes me feel like a greedy asshole when so many have less#don't want to think about how much i want to punch some of my coworkers#don't want to think about the friendly obvious idiot who sent me a tape full of love songs but clearly has no romantic love for me#don't want to think about how hard it is to even find a game to distract myself with#don't want to think about how many of my plants are dead/dying and what a useless gardener i am#don't want to think about my car and how i worry about when it's eventually going to break down#don't want to think about the cysts on my scalp that i need to cut out myself because I can't afford to have it done professionally#don't want to think about how it's probably just a stupid kids daydream that I'm trying to save up for a house#don't want to THINK or FEEL or NEED or WANT i just want to be semi-comatose stoned because it feels like nobody would notice if i were dead#depression#vent
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Slowest little puppy in the dog race x The only one watching her run [Patreon | Commissions]
#beas ocs#Eyes & The Observer#Lo#Magnolia#bea art tag#//suicide mention#star filled oyster#oc art#comix page#-I bet on losing dogs starts creeping in-#WHITE WOMAN JUMPSCARE#One of Magnolia's worst fears is being alone even though she's so scared of other people#part of the reason she's so attached to Lo IS that Lo has no feelings towards her - positive or negative. It is almost always present#with her but has no real personal opinion on her. She will never disappoint Lo - by virtue of being alive she is interesting to Lo#and that interest will not dwindle as long as she continues to live#also Magnolia does frequently fantasize about dying in front of people to get a large reaction which is wholly concerned and caring#she! is! NOT! well!#oc comic#oc comics#comic art#lesbian art
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as theyāre dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot thatās there thatās nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but thereās still time and they shouldnāt be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all theyāre doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something theyāre not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but thatās the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen canāt verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#itās wrong because theyāre trans and canāt incision a life as Owen but canāt say out loud that itās being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girlās show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#heās holding Owen back but theyāre so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but thereās still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesnāt come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#itās their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude thatās such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card Iām calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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What if history repeats itself and I donāt have a choice but to live through it.
To tolerate what life has in store for me.
What if no matter what I do Iām destined to feel this disconnected for the rest of my life.
What if all the thoughts and beliefs I have in my head are true and Iām actually just that unwanted.
My heart hurts from fear of experiencing the brokenness I once felt, the brokenness I thought I healed from.
#no one wants me#emotionally unavailable#hard to love#depressing thoughts#depressed#self destructing#scared#suicidal#sadness#anxitey#alone with my thoughts#fading away#panic attack#donāt fit in#unlovable#mentally unstable#lonely quotes#broken#damaged goods#self hate#i hate it here#kms#dissociation#depression#dying inside#empty head#you broke my heart#heart been broke so many times#heartbroken
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Realizing im breaking cycles of generational trauma on both parents sides and I still have to do my fucking job
#yeah its been. a week#and trying to socialize still feels like im walking on a broken leg#tried chatting this morning and it just hurt#its actually so lonely and im so scared that all my friends are gonna move on by the time I feel ok enough to talk#I hate being alone and yet I have to keep being alone#all this while im processing a breakup#dying would be easier#riah speaks
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hey can random fucking strangers on the internet please stop recommending me ways to kill my own rats every time I have to put one to sleep
#this happens every time I have to and comment on how expensive it is#I know these people are just trying to be helpful/aren't trying to be malicious but it's so fucking insensitive#oh your beloved pet is sick and dying and in so much pain the humane thing to do is to kill them?#don't be an idiot and spend money just kill them yourself! I've never spoken or interacted with you in my life btw#like its so WEIRD fuck OFF#esp like after the pet has died. why don't you lock yourself in a tarrarium filled with nitrogen gas and kill yourself#also sorry but like. why would I believe a stranger on the internet that it's painless over years of veterinary research š#I am often distrustful of vets Especially with my rats because most don't fuckin know anything about them#but I do know that when they gave spica the sedative I got to hold her#that she just fell asleep#and her breathing slowed#and when it was time they gave her the shot#and she wasn't scared#that I didn't have to fucking lock her in a bucket alone with deadly gas to suffocate while she was already sick and scared#just because I wannted to save some money#also like if you can put your own pet to sleep there is no judgement from me I admire your strength#but I could not kill my own animal#and its frankly crazy for a stranger on the internet to suggest that I do#while I'm struggling with their sickness/death#when rats have to be put down so much of the time its because they are horribly and traumatically sick#and its just so fucked to look at someone going through that#now struck w the financial burden of a vet bill#and being like uhm just do it yourself at home?#this has happened More Than Once btw#ghost posts#text#animal death
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.
#three gigantic explosions went off RIGHT under my window in the past hour alone#every time it's so loud my body reacts with total panic like i've just been shot and i'm dying#my chest physically hurts. like i'm scared i might have a heart attack from this#sitting here in my living room feeling the least safe i've ever felt at home and so terrified i'm sobbing uncontrollably#it's just constant tension and fear and bracing myself for the next one#and it's barely 5 pm. this will probably continue until 3 or 4 in the morning at least. if not literally all night#this is fucking insane. it's never been this bad before. i genuinely don't know if my health can handle this#but i have nowhere to go. i'm so scared. i don't know what to do#can't even call the police because this shit is inexplicably legal???#i tried earplugs but it's so loud it makes zero difference. like imagine telling someone in a war zone to wear earplugs#jesus christ i can smell the gunpowder even from indoors#i'm so scared. this is horrible. i wish i could take some super strong drug to knock me out until tomorrow#but any drug strong enough to keep me unconscious through this shit would be strong enough that i wouldn't feel safe taking it at all#i saw my neighbor throw something out his window that i first thought was a firecracker?#but it fizzled and went out so maybe it was just a cigarette butt#but if i see someone in my building setting firecrackers off... i'm genuinely afraid of what i might do#like i'm scared i might fully lose it and go bang on their door and get in a physical altercation with them#i cannot emphasize how much i am in full fight-or-flight nothing-to-lose mode right now. and i can't flee. so that leaves only fighting#i might never get citizenship if i'm arrested for attacking somebody but even that thought isn't enough to hold me back rn#this is awful awful awful. i don't know what to do. how am i going to make it through this night? how is this shit not illegal?#i wish i could at least stop crying jfc this is horrible
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