#relating to her by being open
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❝ Did Captain America himself ask you, the amazing SPIDER-WOMAN, to be an Avenger ? ❞
#this ONE panel is so important to me#logan always there to comfort/defend jess (even to herself) i'm soft#the casual encouragement in her immense self doubt#relating to her by being open#i'm asjkgsls#( aesthetic. ) ⸺ ⌜𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕞𝕠𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕟 𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕⌟#( ch. study. ) ⸺ ⌜𝕚 𝕥𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕚𝕥 𝕤𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥⌟#( visage. ) ⸺ ⌜𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕜𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕒 𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕦𝕓⌟#( logan howlett. ) ⸺ ⌜𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕣𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕕 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕦𝕞𝕒𝕟 𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕖⌟
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Idk how others in the fandom feel about this, but to me, Isabela's presence in Veilguard is frankly bizarre.
Isabela has wildly different endings in DA2, depending on Hawke's decisions and relationship with her. If you didn't form enough of a friendship or rivalry with her, she fucks off with the Tome of Koslun and never comes back. If Hawke decides not to defend her, she gets given up to the Arishok and Qunari. (It is implied she escapes regardless, but that's still a pretty significant thing to brush aside!) If Hawke romances Isabela and follows through on her quests, they stay together at least semi-permanently (barring whatever happens to Hawke in Inquisition).
Except, when you meet her in the Lords of Fortune - she can never mention any of that. She doesn't explain her new philosophy around the finding of cultural artefacts and how her Tome of Koslun debacle shaped that. She can never mention Hawke in any capacity, which is especially weird if your Hawke romanced her.
She does makes comments like "Kirkwall taught me a lot about family 😌" which makes 0 sense if your Isabela absolutely hightailed it out of Kirkwall or got thrown to the Qunari. What was the lesson she learnt, exactly? "I was right the whole time, fuck emotional vulnerability and fuck caring about anyone else?"
She's also one of the few characters who make an appearance other than the Inquisitor and Harding who has a close connection to Varric from previous games. You're telling me she has absolutely nothing to say about his death?
Her return strips her of any complexity and sidelines any of her past relationships because Veilguard just completely refuses to engage meaningfully with the stories before it.
#also not immediately related to my main point abt her inclusion but fuck her constant sexualisation makes me violent#there's a difference between being a character who is open with their sexuality and being overly gratuitous to appeal to certain audiences#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age critical#veilguard critical#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#bioware#isabela dragon age#dragon age 2#veilguard spoilers
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hey leader!!!
#persona 3#p3 fanart#makoto yuki#minato arisato#junpei yori#yukari takeba#i think their trio dynamic is the most overlook in any game#we talk about makoto in relation to anyone else but i always find it fascinating how#despite being the bro character. junpei initially resents makoto and actively has to work towards understanding him#as opposed to other bro characters who immediately love the protagonist#and i love how yukari learns to open up to him even through her own trust issues AND his aloof general attitude#to the point she behaves how she does in the answer (iykyk)#which is in my opinion (and like no one elses lol) one of the most compelling characterizations in a female character in persona#ok rants over. i just love these guys and i think they are sadly underappreciated#art#fanart#spin draws
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hm..... pomni taking peoples hand as a repeating image in the show..... happens in ep 1, with ragatha, its kinda evoked with her reaching for the final exit door, ep 2 is pretty blatant with it i dont need to say anything else on that, and in episode 3 the scene with kinger..... episode 4 doesnt have anything with this i dont think (i COULD technically say her raising her hand at the beginning of the ep but that is a MASSIVE stretch and doesnt fit with what the other instances seem to be representing. her waving at gummigoo MAYBE but the image just really isnt present in the episode, looking at it realistically) but im thinking about this...... cus i feel like its probably notable in the dream sequence in ep 2 that its her arm that gets all fucked up
#tadc#i need to look thru all these and note which of her hands it is these happen w...#i ALSO still need to make my color theory and my door theory#well... less of a theory#more me overanalyzing specific repeated images in the show for possible motifs HAHA#its not really theories... but it is fun!#also my color thing has to do w the idea that diff colors in the show represent different things#i think red blue and green in particular are EXTREMELY important#it feels intentional that the only of the main cast with green as a constant in their design is caine and gummigoo...#and now that i think abt it caines blue eye lines up with ragathas button eye#PLUS . pomnis eyes being red and blue...#i think blue has to do w the game and green has to do w... smth?#i gotta think on it more#and the door thing is that like#i feel like doors are a repeating image in the show too#all the diff doors pomni opens trying to find caine. the exit doors. the bedroom doors (and pomni opening hers to ragatha).#the normal and scary doors. the gate to the dumbwaiter. the door out of the hall of the damned. the door to zoobles room#the front door of spudsys. (the lack of doors in wherever it is jax goes). the door out of caines office#theres probably a case for the portals to the adventures being related butttt waves hand#look doors are normal in fiction doors are a normal thing but LOOK. if youre gonna spend the whole pilot talking about doors#and then make it a big component of ep 3#im gonna get suspicious that youre using it as a symbol for smth ok....#(or repeatedly showing visuals of pomnis hand reaching other ppls hands)#(maybe the hole to the basement too but thatsss more of a stretch. but its certainly an entryway)#(smth smth its not shown visually in ep 4 because it happens more explictitly than in other eps. maybe?)#(...or maybe ep 3 was supposed to be the last usage of that imagery buuuut i dont think so i think itll come back... eventually. maybe ep 9#the door to spudsys gets a special shoutout bc like#i feel like the show is very obviously doing some things when it shows pomni behind it as it gets closed#something something. gummigoo is content and can 'leave' and she cant and shes accepting that#i mean i think shes given up on going home by this ep so i feel like its more of like. a letting go of gummigoo
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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tw: grief, death/loss
hi, i'm not sure if this is going to be posted. i've written it again and again, over and over, debating whether it was too much or not. i hope it isn't. this is deeply personal and you're more than free to skip it. i'm doing this more for myself than anything else, but i also hope that if someone here is going through the same thing, they will then find comfort in my words. <3
many of you might celebrate mother's day today, like me. i've lost my mum almost 5 years ago, and ever since then this day has been a slap to the face i dread arriving. every year i try to do a little something to make myself feel better and to actually talk about her instead of bottling it all up like i always do, so here i am.
not too long i ago i came upon this podcast pedro was invited to, he talks about the loss of his own mother (30min mark). i don't know why i never stumbled upon it before, i just know that the first time i heard him, what he said felt so eerily familiar.
my mum also left during the summer. it was an incredibly crucial period for me, full of important changes. the morning after it was such a beautiful day out, we had been out of quarantine for not too long so a lot of people were in the streets. i cannot begin to explain how odd it all felt: seeing the world continue spinning, everyone's life going on while it felt like mine stopped. i think that was the lowest point i could hit, there's no experience as isolating as the loss of a parent.
afterwards, it felt like everything bloomed, and i feel selfish for saying it. i got accepted into art school, able to finally study what i preferred and to pursuit my dreams of becoming a full time artist. i met wonderful people who i'm incredibly grateful for - they made me realise i'm not as unlovable or unimportant as i thought, i am worth loving and i deserve affection too. i expressed myself without fear of judgement, i grew, i slowly built a version of me i was beginning to like. i feel so happy and accomplished now, it comes with guilt.
i often wonder what would have happened if i didn't get to experience grief at such a young age. because yes, i was 18, but i wasn't done being my mother's baby, i wasn't done being her daughter. i didn't need to grow up yet, not in that way. was it actually a lesson? or was it just cruel, and we, she, didn't deserve it? is it me believing in silly things or is she somehow still here?
but when i visit other cities and find her name written on the walls, i feel her here. she's in my morning coffee, it's the same as the one she made for herself each day. she's in the way i make my bed, she's in every cake i bake. she's in every tulip, in every butterfly. she's in my features every time i look in the mirror, because how lucky am i to be sharing her face, the most beautiful one i've ever seen and the only thing i have left of her. she's in every smile i sport when i get a picture taken, in every "you look just like her". she's in my memories, in my thoughts and dreams, because those transcend time and death. she's here because i am here and as long as i'm here she will always live through me, through all that she taught me and that i will pour out for her.
grief doesn't leave, you just learn to grow around it. it will find you randomly on sunny days, on sleepless nights, in cities across the world, in recipes from your childhood and in the shampoo aisle. grief is weird, every emotion is valid, let yourself feel it all.
and happy mother's day to all the mums on here! you're fantastic 🫶🏻
ti amo mamma, so much it hurts 🤍🌷





#there's so much more i could've said but i think this is more than enough#i know i struggle with being so open#especially when it comes to her#so thank you for taking your time to read <3#also if any of you related to this in any way / is going through the same thing#i'm so sorry#and i'm always here to talk#valentina's thinking out loud 💭#mother's day#personal#tw grief#tw death
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I think about how some people actually hate on Yuji, Nobara and Megumi and get confused because I went into JJK and by episode 3 I adored them.
#like what you mean you don't like them?#best girl and best boys? unbelievable#they easily became my favorite anime trio#their dynamic actually feels fresh and enjoyable#like genuine you know?#individually i say they're great on their own too#nobara being a girl into girly things while also not afraid to get blood she instantly won me over#true to herself good for her#I'm sorry megumi isn't some angsty teenager who has that typical 'I'm better than you' attitude#he actually is relatable because sometimes i don't care to have all that energy and I'm usually energetic!#he has a heart and his actions can be understood IF SOME OF YOU ACTUALLY TAKE A STEP BACK AND READ AND OPEN YOUR MINDS#then there's yuji! HE IS THE MC! HELLO?!#even though he's gifted yuji is humble about it#he's selfless he's a goof and sometimes he isn't with the bull some characters pull#i can go all day about my fave but i already got posts#just kiya's thoughts#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#itadori yuji#kugisaki nobara#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki
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I know Mr. Horikoshi intended for Toga to be read as bisexual—am not here to say otherwise—however I would like to propose an additional read to the concept of loving someone so much that you want to become them…
Clears my throat before closing in on the mic.
Pangender Himiko Toga, my voice echoes out of the speakers.
#Has anyone said this yet?#Probably so#Am also open to the idea of#toga himiko#being unlabeled#in the sense that she wouldn’t care about#how others perceive her gender#nor what pronouns they use#she’s open to all gender expressions#she wants to be and be with them simultaneously#rereading all of this to check for grammatical errors#a lot of this sounds obvious…#but#as a trans person#I love the idea of any character being trans really#so am throwing this to the wild anyways#mha#my hero academia#himiko toga#I have to admit#it’s surprising that it took me this long to realize#how deeply I relate with this…
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people mostly talk about splitting as literally all-or-nothing--"I love you" or "I hate you"--but I personally experience an in-between point sometimes.
I don't know what I'd call it other than "thin-ice devaluation" or something along those lines.
like, yes I devalued you recently and I realize now that I was being irrational, BUT if you say something even slightly suspicious, hurtful, or incorrect, I'm going to assume that you're evil and/or useless again much faster than I would have before.
#narcissistic personality disorder#npd#actually narcissistic#actually npd#I'm sure this is relatable to other splitters but I don't want to clog up the tags of PDs I don't have so I'll just tag ->#cluster b#(not that only cluster B diagnoses involve splitting but. it's a bigger issue than it is in clusters A or C on average)#anyway I just text My cousin about the fortnite/miku collab and she replied 'I didn't know they SUPPOSEDLY confirmed it'#and I was thinking. what the fuck? supposedly?? are you accusing Me of being unreliable??? a liar and/or nitwit????#then she said 'I'm not really into miku anymore.' great (sarcastic). the one thing we had in common is out the window#is that all you think of Me? THEN she said that I can ask her for help if I join fortnite#and now it's like she's saying I'm too incompetent to learn on My own. fuck off!!#and I wouldn't have taken any of this so personally if I weren't JUST coming out of a devaluation episode#she used to be My equal/safe person so I would have been like 'oh she's so kind to offer Me assistance' but not right now. I'm delicate RN#so anyway I DO NOT want to talk to her anymore BUT I have to power through it. sigh. I haven't spoken to her in almost a month#so I'll just feign gratitude. I'd hate to burn bridges after all. gotta keep My options open
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I know we collectively agree that Hiccup isn’t romantically inclined, and his getting married and having kids didn’t make sense in the epilogue, but consider: Hiccup getting married for political reasons.
It’s a marriage of alliance, which is recognized both by him and his partner, and they enter it without expectations of romantic involvement. Since they’re now married, they live in the same castle, spend time together, and Hiccup finds he really likes his spouse. They’re funny, get along with his friends, and has the same interests and values. They both probably speak multiple languages. She understands why Hiccup is so dedicated to making the Wilderwest better, and holds similar views. She’s a good politician (her job after all, was to be an ambassador). Hiccup likes spending time with them, and the feeling is mutual. They’re not in love, they have their own lives, but they’re dedicated to each other and eventually decide to raise children. They teach their kids how to train hawks and hunt with dragons, riding, history, the Languages, and all the necessary skills of their world. They’re not in love and they’re happy together.
#pushing the aromantic hiccup agenda and also the queerplatonic agenda#as much as the idea of hiccup getting married was always a little off to me it was more the romantic angle#which I why I like the idea of a marriage of alliance and a partner who understands that#and then of course the montage of them being a good team and getting along#and going ‘yeah I like this person. I think this is the person I want to spend my life with.’#also a) a lot of arranged political marriages did have the foreign spouse function as an ambassador#b) polyglot hiccup is canon and I think it would be neat if his spouse was as well. it is a marriage alliance after all.#she isn’t from the small area of berm#(actually give all the Vikings regional accents. I think it’s neat)#c) she/they because I didn’t feel firmly about the partner’s gender and the nords were pretty gender diverse#anyway I think the partner would probably be fond of the library and admire hiccup got it open way back when#get along with Fishlegs and camicazi well enough#and enjoy dramatic stories of their adventures. maybe have some of her own#also: normalize people having their own lives outside their partners. hiccup and they are happy together but also have their own friends#oh and you know hiccup would be a great dad. he loves Stoick but he would so much be the dad he wished he had growing up#are the kids bio related? are they adopted (cast off and No Names)? who knows!#I could build in my head what hiccup’s spouse is like but I’ll leave it here#they exist as we construct them#httyd#httyd books#my post#book!hiccup#hiccup the third#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#book hiccup
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Seeing people complain about the Speak Now vault tracks being too teenagery …. gee, you’d almost think a teenager wrote them /s
#i feel like it’s a lose lose situation#because if they’re ‘too mature’ like on the red vault people accuse her of writing them recently#but if they’re ‘too immature’ people complain about them being not as good#i for one really like the speak now vault#it may not be as deep as red but i think it’s still really eye-opening#like the kinds of things she was thinking about but felt she couldn’t share#idk maybe it’s because i was a Small Child when speak now came out#and it was really the first album i ever became obsessed with#and as a result i idolized taylor as this beacon of perfection and grown-up-ness#like obviously I’ve long since recognized that she was still a child in a lot of ways in that era#but hearing the vault tracks really made her feel like a Real Teenager to me in a way i never had before?#like the anxiety on electric touch#the insecurity on when emma falls in love#the hopefulness tinged with self-loathing/self-criticalness on foolish one#the wattpad-tinged fantasy of i can see you#idk i feel like teenage me would have related to all that a lot in a way that i never did with her other music#idk i’m rambling#i need to go to bed#taylor swift#speak now taylor’s version
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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a female character isn't allowed to be a character that is also female. she isn't allowed her own agency and complex motives nor any deeper emotions without it being centered around the male cast around her or a child. even if she's not a mother, she remains one because she could always potentially become a mother or she is the ‘mom character’ to the men/children around her and her actions MUST reflect that. if they don't, she's labeled a selfish bitch. if she is an (actual) mother than that's all she is—she isnt allowed deeper characterization or discussion because thats all she'll ever be, that's all she was made to be. male characters are allowed to be fathers (lireral or in the sense of providing for the people around them) with deeper feelings but a mother? never a mother.
#← this is found in both fandom treatment and (oftenly) the writing of the source material too#anyways this related to last post and the one before that where i said i wrote tags that are just too sidetracked to the post lol#ransom note#cant wait for people to ummm actually me about good female characters while fully ignoring the point of this#like no shit its a broad statement dipshit its used to open discussion about female characters often being reduced down#to only having purpose in their ability to be a caretaker to the surrounding cast around them.#like the problem isnt that theres mom characters. it isnt women taking care of people or being healers#its that theyre not allowed the same emotional depth compared to many male characters#something i liked in atla if i recall correctly is that katara wasnt a passive character. she cared and cared deeply and messily#she chose forgiveness to her mother's killer for HER story and growth. not because she had to for his#she stole shit and got jealous and was angry but she was still caring and healed. she still looked after people.#instead of just. oh shes there to be a 24/7 doormat to the male cast around her and their goals instead#and the FANDOM is the one that reduces her down to a bitch or just immature or an emotional support lamp#or whatever they do to reduce her down usually so they can prop up the male characters they like more.#like do you see where im going with this. do you get the point of the post...
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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lying here in bed and thinking abt how alienated out i feel in the cookie run fandom. and then theres a polish sitcom playing in the background from a different room.
#mostly like. i feel so alienated out for like. having such different views of chars.#dark choco is a char i find myself to relate to a lot. i see so much of myself in him.#and yet. i cant get fully interested and that makes me feel. am i even a true fan of his character#if my interpretation is so vastly different from the fandoms#and how his kingdom is probably my least favourite out of all the ancients' kingdoms#for how i feel like ppl and the narrative tend to forget how dark cacaos kingdom is so flawed.#like the whole “no sweet meals” thing. i am not talking abt irl influences and how it impacts the presentation of the kingdom but more like#i feel like ppl tend to perfectionize dark cacao kingdom while ignoring a ton of systematic issues in it.#then theres my opinion on hollyberry. i love her. shes my favourite ancient. but i wish we got a more serious storyline with her#im not all catched up on the lore but i just wish rlly wish we got more of the hollyberry kingdom. and see holly display a wider range of-#-emotions.#i hope the eternal sugar update will get us some hollyberry kingdom angst because i need some more serious characterization for her that r-#-not just snippets#then theres. white lily. i feel like im the only person who liked the fact white lily got her own kingdom and was split into two versions.#it DID come out of nowhere but like. i feel like its sort of more interesting than just white lily being fully DE?#her update was a fiasco with how shadow milk stole the show that was meant to be hers.#but like. so many of my opinions are different than the fandoms that i just cant help but feel like an intruder sometimes#i dont want to sound like a pick me or someone who thinks they r special for being different. because im not.#i do not like this feeling. but i needed to be open abt it ig#cookie chat#theres also like. the lack of proper characterization for carrow besides “good loyal soldier”.#that annoys me as hell too#fyi i DO NOT hate dark cacao kingdom to be clear. i love it a ton. the cultural influences are so interesting and i love the setting.#i just wish ppl didnt brush off a lot of systematic flaws abt it.
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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