#regulus black is a menace

[lilacfiresoul]

ensure, april 6 -- @jegulus-microfic -- 1,336 words

idk how i feel about this one, but i like it and had fun writing it, which is the main thing ofc.

i'm also thinking that this might be part one to a series where the next few prompts will be something related to this. got a few ideas in the works. they will be appropriately labelled when the time comes should anyone gets confused :)

content warnings: kissing, brief mentions of sex but nothing like obvious; i literally just tell you they shagged and that's it. no description of it lol

----

Sometimes James thinks that when his dad handed down the invisibility cloak to him, he expected him to use it for something important. Defeating the powers of evil, conquering the darkness, battling dragons or trolls, or other epic things James can’t be bothered to think of right now.

Certainly not sneaking around the castle with Regulus, the both of them huddled up underneath it, trying to be quiet as they head back to the Gryffindor dormitories.

“Are you sure they won’t notice?” Regulus whispers. He’s walking in front as he’s smaller than James, and James can see the corridor a bit over his head, warped slightly through the cloak.

“Yeah, I promise,” James replies. “Sirius sleeps like a log. Not even shaking and throwing things at him wakes him up. Peter will be out like a light too. Remus … might be awake. He’s probably reading actually, but he won’t say anything. As long as you’re back in your room by eight tomorrow, it’ll be fine.”

“And that’s tried and tested, is it?”

“What?”

“Tried and tested. That we can throw things at my brother, and he won’t wake up?” Regulus grins slyly over his shoulder, and James has to smirk.

“This is dangerous, you know,” he continues, stopping in the corridor, turning around to face James. “If Sirius finds out …”

“He won’t,” James jumps to assure him, gently taking hold of Regulus’ shoulders.

Regulus has been worrying about Sirius discovering their relationship since they started dating almost two months ago now. What had started as a mistaken, drunken kiss after a Slytherin party had slowly morphed and turned into … this. Sneaking around after hours, brief snatches of glances at each other across tables in the Great Hall, kissing and the occasional shag if they had time in storage cupboards between classes.

And now, James is bringing Regulus, Sirius’ brother, back to his room, because he wants to hold him in his arms for longer than a few minutes, find out what it’s like to share a bed with someone he loves. He’s worried too, of course he is, but Regulus has been most vocal about it.

It’s been a topic that’s cropped up more often than not as they’re timing their exits from storage cupboards so no one sees them, tucking their shirts back into their trousers and sorting out their hair. Regulus will fret, “What if my brother finds out?” or, “What if someone sees us?” and James, pressing a kiss to his cheek, will murmur, “They won’t, love. We’re okay. If they do, we’ll just … talk about. What’s the worst that could happen? We’ll deal with it together, okay?” In reassuring Regulus, James reassures himself too.

When Remus found out, that’s what they did. Told him together, and … he couldn’t care less. He promised to keep it a secret until they were ready to say something, though he cautioned them to soon because it’s only a matter of time before it got out. But they’re careful.

“He won’t find out,” he repeats. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, anyway. He won’t get up until breakfast is almost over, at least.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Regulus says, and he sounds like he’s coming round, especially when he rises up on his toes and kisses James.

Even though they’re in the corridor, probably one of the worst places to snog in the whole of Hogwarts, the invisibility cloak gives them some sense of privacy as James gently backs Regulus against the wall.

“James,” Regulus says, giggling as James peppers his jaw with kisses. “We’re in the hallway.” Yet he makes no move to push him away, only pull him closer.

“So? You started this, Reggie,” James points out, moving down to Regulus’ neck. He finds his pulse, gently mouthing it, earning a sharp intake of breath in return. “You, and your infuriating, maddening, pretty little mouth—”

There’s a noise at the end of the corridor. Regulus flinches, grabbing hold of James’ clothes as James tears his lips from his skin. Turning to see what it is, he tenses, holding his breath.

Professor McGonagall, dressed in a robe, with her arms partially crossed and a mug of tea in her hand, stands there. She’s staring in their general direction, eyebrows pinched in suspicion.

James curses softly under his breath. Did she hear them? They weren’t being loud, were they? They’re always so careful, always aware of their surroundings. But had they got carried away?

“Who is— oh fuck.” Regulus sighs, his mouth forming a hard line as he spots McGonagall. “What the fuck do we do? She’s going to dock us house points for being out of bed.”

“Maybe she’s just patrolling,” James hisses. “She can’t see us. If we just—”

“I know you’re there,” McGonagall calls. “Show yourself now, and the punishment won’t be as harsh.”

James presses his lips together, shaking his head. They’re so fucked, facing detention or worse, yet Regulus just looks more annoyed than frightened, upset that their snogging session has been cut short.

But McGonagall loves James, and he knows this. He’s hoping, as he presses a finger to his lips, that Regulus will get it and remain silent, letting James take the fall for them. He starts to back up, and Regulus, glaring, clocks on instantly to his plans.

“James, don’t you—”

“Sorry, Professor,” James says, ducking out from the cloak and silencing Regulus with a hand over his mouth. He sees Regulus’ outraged look before the cloak falls over him, and James adjusts his position to hide him, flashing a smile at McGonagall. “You caught me.”

His head of house frowns, peering down her glasses at him. “Why am I not surprised that it is you, Mr Potter?”

James shrugs, as if he doesn’t know himself, and McGonagall resumes, “On your own this evening? No Mr Black, or Mr Lupin or Pettigrew with you?”

It’s an effort to keep a straight face when McGonagall says Mr Black; although she means Sirius, it’s not entirely far from the truth that James does have a Mr Black with him. Just not the one she’s thinking of. A different star in an entirely different constellation.

“Nope. Just me,” he says.

McGonagall doesn’t look like she believes him, but she doesn’t dispute his claim, staring at him disapprovingly. “Hm. What are you doing out of bed then?”

Underneath the cloak, James can feel Regulus breathing through his nose, the contours of his lips beneath his palm. It’s distracting, if he’s honest, especially when, Merlin save him, Regulus starts kissing his hand.

“Um. I’m … walking,” he gets out. McGonagall’s disapproving expression deepens. “I like to walk sometimes. You know. Fresh air. Nobody’s around.”

“I’m aware of why you’d want to go walking at night, Mr Potter,” McGonagall interrupts, saving James from digging himself a further hole. “But you know why you can’t do that, as much as I’m sure you’d like to, it is against the rules.”

James is having trouble focussing on McGonagall’s words, Regulus’ mouth brushing against his skin. It’s torturous that he can’t do anything except stand here, clinging to the scraps of his composure.

“I’m sorry, Professor. Won’t happen again.”

“Ensure that it does not. Five points from Gryffindor. Get to bed.”

“Yes, Professor.”

She turns to go, and James ducks his head in resignation of the docked house-points, but really, he’s so relieved that she’s leaving.

Until she stops, back to them.

What she says next makes James’ mouth drop open in horror and Regulus abruptly stop kissing his hand.

In an unamused, no-nonsense tone, McGonagall adds, “Oh, and ten points from Slytherin, too, Mr Black.”

[yoongi-regulus]

Regulus: ughhh, don't put food in front of me, I feel nauseous.

Sirius: YOU GOT MY BABY BROTHER PREGNANT?!?!?

James: mate ... he CAN'T GET PREGNANT

Regulus: let me point out, the lack of trying is not the reason

Sirius: *dramatically faints*

James: Reg!

[fiasco95]

Peter betraying James…but not like the way you think. Regulus and Sirius live together.

Regulus, greeting the Marauders on his way out: Remus. Peter. Potter.

James: Wha— Why am I still ‘Potter’ but Pete’s Peter???

Peter: Reg and I have bonded. We’ve shared a joint. Staple of friendship.

Peter, turning to Reg as he gets ready to leave: Actually, hey Regulus— if your date tonight doesn’t work out then wanna go on a date with me?

Regulus: Yeah, sure why not?

Peter, grinning at James: How about that Prongs? I’ve been friends with Regulus for 72 hours and I’ve secured a sure-why-not-date with him.

James: You—

Peter, with a menacing smile: And you who’s had a crush on him for who-knows how long….has accomplished what?

James, looking horrified: TRAITOR! I’VE BEEN BETRAYED!!!! TREASON—!

Peter, losing his absolute shit:

Bonus

Sirius, watching from the sitting room: Do I even want to know?

Remus: No. No you don’t, sweetheart.

[yourgalgremlin]

I love how as a fandom we decided that Regulus Black has cold hands.

We really said : “The twink with the locket? That’s a POOR CIRCULATION havin’ bitch if I’ve ever seen one.”

[chasingthestarss]

Regulus: why are you ignoring Remus?

Sirius: I’m playing hard to get.

Regulus: Why would you do that? You’re already hard to want.

[honeylemonntea]

Evan: “There's literally no way Barty would be into me.”

Pandora: “Barty would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.”

Regulus: “Barty would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.”

[b0wi3sgir1]

Marauders and Reg group chat

Remus: who the fuck added me to the group chat?

Sirius: >:O language.

Regulus: yeah watch your fucking language.

Sirius: OKAY WHO TAUGHT REGGIE TO SAY THE FUCK WORD?!

Peter: ‘the fuck word’

James: You guys use the f word all the time??

Regulus: Merlin’s beard you don’t have to censor it.

Peter: say fuck James.

Regulus: Do it, James. Say fuck.

[wo1fst4r]

fic where regulus and his friends caused trouble like the marauders, but they were way better at keeping a low profile about it. they never let anyone know it was them. the marauders got obsessed, turning it into a full-on competition, hoping the mystery pranksters would reveal themselves. pranks, sabotage, chaos, all just to one-up each other. the slytherin skittles weren’t backing down tho. pranks left and right, with regulus masterminding most of them.

when sirius came home ranting about how brilliant these pranksters were, regulus would make a face like it was all beneath him, calling it silly and a waste of time—but secretly grinning, proud that his older brother thinks his antics are cool. classic regulus.

[adharastarlight]

James, over breakfast: why aren't breakfast dates more of a thing?

Sirius: because that's stupid???

Regulus, from the other table: I'll take you on a dinner date and a breakfast date the next day

Sirius spits out his juice

James very quickly agrees

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty, looking at Regulus with disgust: you have been tamed

Regulus: *cuddled with a deeply asleep James Potter in his bed:*

Regulus: Shut up now.

Evan: No, no, he’s right. You have been… Domesticated.

Pandora: I think it’s cute

Dorcas *teasingly*: Cute little Reggie

Regulus *pulls out a knife from beneath his pillow*: Do I need to ask again?

Barty:

Pandora:

Evan:

Dorcas:

Barty: Is that knife from a Kink of yours?

Regulus:*RAGE*

[wandonthecouch]

farmers market jegulus au - snippet <3

another snippet for you all! for context, james, effie, and baby harry have a tent where they sell their farm's produce, and regulus and sirius have their text (next door ofc) where they sell their art - regulus with his wood carving/sculptures and sirius with his paintings. oh and remus is an Australian cowboy at @venear-tmblr 's insistence and I love it so here you go!

---

“Morning, Mr. Black!”

Regulus smiled at the small ten-year-old, one that he rarely showed in public. 

“Harry, you can call me Regulus, you know,” he leaned over the foldable table separating the two, peering over into the tent next to his, taking in the array of fresh vegetables, fruits, and jams. “Has your nan got any of that goat cheese yet?”

Harry frowned, running a finger over the duckling carved out of mahogany, and then the giraffe made of oak. “I don’t think so. Da says Jenny is being real stubborn lately.” 

Regulus let out a light chuckle. “Oh, Da says that, huh?” He began rummaging through his tote bag slung over his foldable chair, making a noise of triumph when he found the pouch with the small carved giraffe. “I made you something.”

Harry’s eyes lit up, a big toothless grin on full display (he’d lost one of his front teeth last week) that Regulus couldn’t help but mirror. “Really?”

Regulus nodded, holding out the pouch. Any other kid would have snatched the present out of his hands in seconds, but not Harry – he didn’t have a greedy bone in his body. It’s one of the reasons that Regulus actually tolerated the child, instead of being blatantly disgusted like he was others. 

Harry gently accepted the gift, turning the giraffe around in his hands. 

“Thank you, thank you! This is so cool,” Harry gushed, looking up at him over his glasses. Then, in almost a whisper, “You remembered.”

Regulus, to his surprise, found himself holding his breath in anticipation. Who the fuck was he? He had clients booked for his art years in advance, he’d made thousands off of his wood carving alone. Why did he care about what some glass-wearing, crooked-smiled child at a farmer’s market thought of anything he’d made?

“Harry, love, can you give me a hand—”

Oh. That’s why. 

James appeared from behind his family’s tent, carrying a wooden crate full of turnips. Fucking turnips. The man was carrying turnips and Regulus was trying not to drool at the sight. 

Disgusting. 

“Oh, hey, Reg,” James stopped, eyes softening, mouth turning up in a way that made Regulus think his heart was swelling, almost too big for his chest. “How’s your morning been?”

It wasn’t until Harry looked at him, brow quirked, that Regulus realized he needed to actually respond. 

“Good, not too busy,” he stumbled over his words. James adjusted the crate in his arms so he could hold it with one arm (oh god), and reached down to pick the giraffe out of Harry’s hand. 

“Oh, this is cool! I bet it’ll sell right away.”

Harry furrowed his brows and made grabby hands at his father, who promptly returned the figurine. “It’s mine, Da. Mr. Black–Reg made it for me.”

James’ eyes resembled warm honey, their color especially bright in the early morning sun. “Really?”

Regulus shrugged nonchalantly, looking between the two and fiddling with his rings. “Well, yeah. We spent all last Sunday talking about how he wanted to see the giraffes at the zoo in town, and how they were his favorite animal, so…”

James’ smile was blinding. He ruffled Harry’s hair, who grumbled under his breath but leaned into the touch. “Did you say thank you to Regulus?”

Harry, huffed, seemingly done with the conversation. “Yes, Da. Moony says being polite is sexy.”

Regulus coughed out a laugh, while James sighed and shook his head at Harry’s retreating figure. 

“I swear, he’s such a bad influence sometimes,” James muttered, turning to set the crate down on the ground by their tent, giving Regulus a full view of… everything in his athletic shorts. Regulus sucked in a breath, willing his cheeks to not turn pink. He couldn’t even blame it on the heat– the air this morning was anything but humid. Perfect for a day at the market. Not perfect, Regulus deduced, for being around James Potter all day.

--

thanks for reading, lmk what you think!

[almostdecaffeinatedfun]

Mystery - @black-brothers-microfic - 251 words

Seven-year-old Sirius was sitting on his desk completely bored out of his mind. He had completed his homework and now had to sit and read until his little brother, Regulus, completed all his homework. Reggie worked leisurely without a care in the world that his brother was internally cursing him about taking so long.

Sirius called out, "Regulus! Psst! Are you hungry?"

"What do you want, Sirius?" Regulus questioned without looking up from his work.

"Let's go and get ice cream from the fridge. I'm bored," Sirius replied with a grin forming on his face.

"Ice cream?" Regulus asked dreamily. Sirius knew how much Regulus loved ice cream.

"But-" Regulus began in doubt but Sirius interrupted him to say, "We'll be there and back in seconds. Don't worry."

Regulus agreed and left his work half-done to race to the kitchen and grab the ice cream. They ate the ice creams in the kitchen, giggling at the thrill of sneaking away without getting caught.

As they raced back, Sirius's hand brushed against a glass bottle in the kitchen and it fell to the floor with a crash. Sirius murmured, "Oops!" under his breath before fleeing the crime scene as if nothing had happened.

Minutes later, when their governess asked them who broke the bottle in the kitchen, Sirius pondered aloud, "What a mystery!"

Regulus added, hiding a smile at the corner of his lips, "Who could have possibly gone into the kitchen?"

They laughed about their governess’ confusion for years to come.

[notti-stellate]

Just gonna leave these here...

[fiasco95]

Regulus on his way home from visiting James, his brother and friends in uni for the weekend.

James, drunk and full on sobbing: I miss my boyfriend! Come back!

James, holding his iPad with Regulus’ mid-laugh picture showing: Bring back my husband(boyfriend) from war (college) It’s been 5 years(5 hours) since I’ve seen him!!!

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Marlene & Lily:

Marlene: Godric, somebody do something about him!!!

Dorcas: Let me call Reg-

Lily: It’s literally 3AM?! Let him sleep! Just because his boyfriend is a clingy and dramatic mess-

Sirius: I’m going commit tonight, murder or su!c!de- I’m debating.

Remus: Sirius-

James, crying louder than before because he heard all of them: I WANT MY BOYFRIEND!!

Peter: Me too.

James:

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Marlene & Lily:

Peter, shrugging: What?

Dorcas did end up calling Reg in the middle of the night and put him on FT with James to get him to shut up so they can all go to sleep in peace.

[yourgalgremlin]

What in the Black family madness…?

• SOS: Walburga’s doing dark magic on a03 again

[chasingthestarss]

Regulus: I made tea.

Sirius: I don’t want tea.

Regulus: I didn’t make tea for you, this is my tea.

Sirius: Then why are you telling me?

Regulus: It’s a conversation starter.

Sirius: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Regulus: Oh is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.