#regulus black is a menace

[lilacfiresoul]

ensure, april 6 -- @jegulus-microfic -- 1,336 words

idk how i feel about this one, but i like it and had fun writing it, which is the main thing ofc.

i'm also thinking that this might be part one to a series where the next few prompts will be something related to this. got a few ideas in the works. they will be appropriately labelled when the time comes should anyone gets confused :)

content warnings: kissing, brief mentions of sex but nothing like obvious; i literally just tell you they shagged and that's it. no description of it lol

----

Sometimes James thinks that when his dad handed down the invisibility cloak to him, he expected him to use it for something important. Defeating the powers of evil, conquering the darkness, battling dragons or trolls, or other epic things James can’t be bothered to think of right now.

Certainly not sneaking around the castle with Regulus, the both of them huddled up underneath it, trying to be quiet as they head back to the Gryffindor dormitories.

“Are you sure they won’t notice?” Regulus whispers. He’s walking in front as he’s smaller than James, and James can see the corridor a bit over his head, warped slightly through the cloak.

“Yeah, I promise,” James replies. “Sirius sleeps like a log. Not even shaking and throwing things at him wakes him up. Peter will be out like a light too. Remus … might be awake. He’s probably reading actually, but he won’t say anything. As long as you’re back in your room by eight tomorrow, it’ll be fine.”

“And that’s tried and tested, is it?”

“What?”

“Tried and tested. That we can throw things at my brother, and he won’t wake up?” Regulus grins slyly over his shoulder, and James has to smirk.

“This is dangerous, you know,” he continues, stopping in the corridor, turning around to face James. “If Sirius finds out …”

“He won’t,” James jumps to assure him, gently taking hold of Regulus’ shoulders.

Regulus has been worrying about Sirius discovering their relationship since they started dating almost two months ago now. What had started as a mistaken, drunken kiss after a Slytherin party had slowly morphed and turned into … this. Sneaking around after hours, brief snatches of glances at each other across tables in the Great Hall, kissing and the occasional shag if they had time in storage cupboards between classes.

And now, James is bringing Regulus, Sirius’ brother, back to his room, because he wants to hold him in his arms for longer than a few minutes, find out what it’s like to share a bed with someone he loves. He’s worried too, of course he is, but Regulus has been most vocal about it.

It’s been a topic that’s cropped up more often than not as they’re timing their exits from storage cupboards so no one sees them, tucking their shirts back into their trousers and sorting out their hair. Regulus will fret, “What if my brother finds out?” or, “What if someone sees us?” and James, pressing a kiss to his cheek, will murmur, “They won’t, love. We’re okay. If they do, we’ll just … talk about. What’s the worst that could happen? We’ll deal with it together, okay?” In reassuring Regulus, James reassures himself too.

When Remus found out, that’s what they did. Told him together, and … he couldn’t care less. He promised to keep it a secret until they were ready to say something, though he cautioned them to soon because it’s only a matter of time before it got out. But they’re careful.

“He won’t find out,” he repeats. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, anyway. He won’t get up until breakfast is almost over, at least.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Regulus says, and he sounds like he’s coming round, especially when he rises up on his toes and kisses James.

Even though they’re in the corridor, probably one of the worst places to snog in the whole of Hogwarts, the invisibility cloak gives them some sense of privacy as James gently backs Regulus against the wall.

“James,” Regulus says, giggling as James peppers his jaw with kisses. “We’re in the hallway.” Yet he makes no move to push him away, only pull him closer.

“So? You started this, Reggie,” James points out, moving down to Regulus’ neck. He finds his pulse, gently mouthing it, earning a sharp intake of breath in return. “You, and your infuriating, maddening, pretty little mouth—”

There’s a noise at the end of the corridor. Regulus flinches, grabbing hold of James’ clothes as James tears his lips from his skin. Turning to see what it is, he tenses, holding his breath.

Professor McGonagall, dressed in a robe, with her arms partially crossed and a mug of tea in her hand, stands there. She’s staring in their general direction, eyebrows pinched in suspicion.

James curses softly under his breath. Did she hear them? They weren’t being loud, were they? They’re always so careful, always aware of their surroundings. But had they got carried away?

“Who is— oh fuck.” Regulus sighs, his mouth forming a hard line as he spots McGonagall. “What the fuck do we do? She’s going to dock us house points for being out of bed.”

“Maybe she’s just patrolling,” James hisses. “She can’t see us. If we just—”

“I know you’re there,” McGonagall calls. “Show yourself now, and the punishment won’t be as harsh.”

James presses his lips together, shaking his head. They’re so fucked, facing detention or worse, yet Regulus just looks more annoyed than frightened, upset that their snogging session has been cut short.

But McGonagall loves James, and he knows this. He’s hoping, as he presses a finger to his lips, that Regulus will get it and remain silent, letting James take the fall for them. He starts to back up, and Regulus, glaring, clocks on instantly to his plans.

“James, don’t you—”

“Sorry, Professor,” James says, ducking out from the cloak and silencing Regulus with a hand over his mouth. He sees Regulus’ outraged look before the cloak falls over him, and James adjusts his position to hide him, flashing a smile at McGonagall. “You caught me.”

His head of house frowns, peering down her glasses at him. “Why am I not surprised that it is you, Mr Potter?”

James shrugs, as if he doesn’t know himself, and McGonagall resumes, “On your own this evening? No Mr Black, or Mr Lupin or Pettigrew with you?”

It’s an effort to keep a straight face when McGonagall says Mr Black; although she means Sirius, it’s not entirely far from the truth that James does have a Mr Black with him. Just not the one she’s thinking of. A different star in an entirely different constellation.

“Nope. Just me,” he says.

McGonagall doesn’t look like she believes him, but she doesn’t dispute his claim, staring at him disapprovingly. “Hm. What are you doing out of bed then?”

Underneath the cloak, James can feel Regulus breathing through his nose, the contours of his lips beneath his palm. It’s distracting, if he’s honest, especially when, Merlin save him, Regulus starts kissing his hand.

“Um. I’m … walking,” he gets out. McGonagall’s disapproving expression deepens. “I like to walk sometimes. You know. Fresh air. Nobody’s around.”

“I’m aware of why you’d want to go walking at night, Mr Potter,” McGonagall interrupts, saving James from digging himself a further hole. “But you know why you can’t do that, as much as I’m sure you’d like to, it is against the rules.”

James is having trouble focussing on McGonagall’s words, Regulus’ mouth brushing against his skin. It’s torturous that he can’t do anything except stand here, clinging to the scraps of his composure.

“I’m sorry, Professor. Won’t happen again.”

“Ensure that it does not. Five points from Gryffindor. Get to bed.”

“Yes, Professor.”

She turns to go, and James ducks his head in resignation of the docked house-points, but really, he’s so relieved that she’s leaving.

Until she stops, back to them.

What she says next makes James’ mouth drop open in horror and Regulus abruptly stop kissing his hand.

In an unamused, no-nonsense tone, McGonagall adds, “Oh, and ten points from Slytherin, too, Mr Black.”

[yoongi-regulus]

Regulus: ughhh, don't put food in front of me, I feel nauseous.

Sirius: YOU GOT MY BABY BROTHER PREGNANT?!?!?

James: mate ... he CAN'T GET PREGNANT

Regulus: let me point out, the lack of trying is not the reason

Sirius: *dramatically faints*

James: Reg!

[fiasco95]

Peter betraying James…but not like the way you think. Regulus and Sirius live together.

Regulus, greeting the Marauders on his way out: Remus. Peter. Potter.

James: Wha— Why am I still ‘Potter’ but Pete’s Peter???

Peter: Reg and I have bonded. We’ve shared a joint. Staple of friendship.

Peter, turning to Reg as he gets ready to leave: Actually, hey Regulus— if your date tonight doesn’t work out then wanna go on a date with me?

Regulus: Yeah, sure why not?

Peter, grinning at James: How about that Prongs? I’ve been friends with Regulus for 72 hours and I’ve secured a sure-why-not-date with him.

James: You—

Peter, with a menacing smile: And you who’s had a crush on him for who-knows how long….has accomplished what?

James, looking horrified: TRAITOR! I’VE BEEN BETRAYED!!!! TREASON—!

Peter, losing his absolute shit:

Bonus

Sirius, watching from the sitting room: Do I even want to know?

Remus: No. No you don’t, sweetheart.

[yourgalgremlin]

I love how as a fandom we decided that Regulus Black has cold hands.

We really said : “The twink with the locket? That’s a POOR CIRCULATION havin’ bitch if I’ve ever seen one.”

[chasingthestarss]

Regulus: why are you ignoring Remus?

Sirius: I’m playing hard to get.

Regulus: Why would you do that? You’re already hard to want.

[honeylemonntea]

Evan: “There's literally no way Barty would be into me.”

Pandora: “Barty would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.”

Regulus: “Barty would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.”

[b0wi3sgir1]

Marauders and Reg group chat

Remus: who the fuck added me to the group chat?

Sirius: >:O language.

Regulus: yeah watch your fucking language.

Sirius: OKAY WHO TAUGHT REGGIE TO SAY THE FUCK WORD?!

Peter: ‘the fuck word’

James: You guys use the f word all the time??

Regulus: Merlin’s beard you don’t have to censor it.

Peter: say fuck James.

Regulus: Do it, James. Say fuck.

[wo1fst4r]

fic where regulus and his friends caused trouble like the marauders, but they were way better at keeping a low profile about it. they never let anyone know it was them. the marauders got obsessed, turning it into a full-on competition, hoping the mystery pranksters would reveal themselves. pranks, sabotage, chaos, all just to one-up each other. the slytherin skittles weren’t backing down tho. pranks left and right, with regulus masterminding most of them.

when sirius came home ranting about how brilliant these pranksters were, regulus would make a face like it was all beneath him, calling it silly and a waste of time—but secretly grinning, proud that his older brother thinks his antics are cool. classic regulus.

[adharastarlight]

James, over breakfast: why aren't breakfast dates more of a thing?

Sirius: because that's stupid???

Regulus, from the other table: I'll take you on a dinner date and a breakfast date the next day

Sirius spits out his juice

James very quickly agrees

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty, looking at Regulus with disgust: you have been tamed

Regulus: *cuddled with a deeply asleep James Potter in his bed:*

Regulus: Shut up now.

Evan: No, no, he’s right. You have been… Domesticated.

Pandora: I think it’s cute

Dorcas *teasingly*: Cute little Reggie

Regulus *pulls out a knife from beneath his pillow*: Do I need to ask again?

Barty:

Pandora:

Evan:

Dorcas:

Barty: Is that knife from a Kink of yours?

Regulus:*RAGE*

[notti-stellate]

Just gonna leave these here...

[maraudersislife]

Peter telling some new transfer (Barty in disguise)about the gossip

Peter: thats James and Regulus they’ve fucked,but we don’t mention it because it makes Sirius upset which means Remus has more work to do, and you don’t want to see Remus tired,he’s so grumpy he might as well be a werewolf after a full moon.

Barty : HEY REG,POTTER ARE YOU UP FOR A THIRD

sirius immediately falls to the ground uncontrollably sobbing and rolling around

remus closes the book he was reading rolling his eyes grabs sirius and drags him toward the dorm.

[fiasco95]

Regulus on his way home from visiting James, his brother and friends in uni for the weekend.

James, drunk and full on sobbing: I miss my boyfriend! Come back!

James, holding his iPad with Regulus’ mid-laugh picture showing: Bring back my husband(boyfriend) from war (college) It’s been 5 years(5 hours) since I’ve seen him!!!

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Marlene & Lily:

Marlene: Godric, somebody do something about him!!!

Dorcas: Let me call Reg-

Lily: It’s literally 3AM?! Let him sleep! Just because his boyfriend is a clingy and dramatic mess-

Sirius: I’m going commit tonight, murder or su!c!de- I’m debating.

Remus: Sirius-

James, crying louder than before because he heard all of them: I WANT MY BOYFRIEND!!

Peter: Me too.

James:

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Marlene & Lily:

Peter, shrugging: What?

Dorcas did end up calling Reg in the middle of the night and put him on FT with James to get him to shut up so they can all go to sleep in peace.

[yourgalgremlin]

What in the Black family madness…?

• SOS: Walburga’s doing dark magic on a03 again

[chasingthestarss]

Regulus: I made tea.

Sirius: I don’t want tea.

Regulus: I didn’t make tea for you, this is my tea.

Sirius: Then why are you telling me?

Regulus: It’s a conversation starter.

Sirius: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Regulus: Oh is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.

[here-for-a-good-time-hopefully]

Sirius gets Remus jealous on purpose whereas James just kinda stumbles upon things that make Regulus jealous and that’s why when they go out clubbing they are absolute menaces

Like they go out and party and dance with everyone because they’re having fun and it doesn’t mean anything

Cut to remus and regulus attempting to burn down the building