#random ideas from me are bad
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Something rubbed against his leg beneath the table. Jon saw red eyes staring up at him. “Hungry again?” he asked. There was still half a honeyed chicken in the center of the table. Jon reached out to tear off a leg, then had a better idea. He knifed the bird whole and let the carcass slide to the floor between his legs. Ghost ripped into it in savage silence. His brothers and sisters had not been permitted to bring their wolves to the banquet, but there were more curs than Jon could count at this end of the hall, and no one had said a word about his pup. He told himself he was fortunate in that too. His eyes stung. Jon rubbed at them savagely, cursing the smoke. He swallowed another gulp of wine and watched his direwolf devour the chicken. Dogs moved between the tables, trailing after the serving girls. One of them, a black mongrel bitch with long yellow eyes, caught a scent of the chicken. She stopped and edged under the bench to get a share. Jon watched the confrontation. The bitch growled low in her throat and moved closer. Ghost looked up, silent, and fixed the dog with those hot red eyes. The bitch snapped an angry challenge. She was three times the size of the direwolf pup. Ghost did not move. He stood over his prize and opened his mouth, baring his fangs. The bitch tensed, barked again, then thought better of this fight. She turned and slunk away, with one last defiant snap to save her pride. Ghost went back to his meal. Jon grinned and reached under the table to ruffle the shaggy white fur. The direwolf looked up at him, nipped gently at his hand, then went back to eating.
Jon I, AGOT
It's interesting that GRRM would dedicate several paragraphs to a seemingly unimportant exchange between a boy, his wolf, and an unfriendly third party. But there's just something about this passage that has continued to nag at me for years since I first read it because, considering how heavy handed GRRM was with the foreshadowing in AGOT, this feels important.
Jon is sitting at table full of squires - aka would be knights. We don't really know who they are or what families they belong to, but it's safe to assume that they come from a certain level of privilege; this is considering the fact that it cannot be financially easy to be a squire. And these boys already have a slew of tales detailing all their previous knightly exploits regarding "battle and bedding and the hunt" which suggests that they have some capital. So you have boys who will soon be men. And they will, presumably, become men of some power.
These lads eat their fill of the chicken until only half remains, which Jon then gives to Ghost. The direwolf's name is not so important here but what he represents is. Throughout the series, we're told that Ghost is reminiscent of the weirwood trees (because of his red eyes and white fur). He's stated to be of and from the Old Gods and since he's a personification of the weirwoods, he might as well be one of them. It's almost as if Jon is presenting whatever is left on the table to the Old Gods (Ghost). He lets them devour his offerings while he silently watches. And the motif of watching is so interesting here because it's kind of like Jon takes on a stewardship role - to watch over land/people/etc. He oversees Ghost eating the chicken, so he's overseeing whatever has been given to the Old Gods. This is not new imagery to his arc. As a brother of the Night's Watch and eventually its leader, we have several instances where he leads people to adopting the Old Gods in some fashion. In ADWD, several recruits swear their vows to the Old Gods while he watches on as their Lord Commander. The Old Gods are also primarily of the North and we're told that Jon has more of the north in him than his brothers; interesting that this also includes Bran. So perhaps whatever is being offered to the Old Gods relates to the North.
We must also note that Jon initially thinks to give only a small portion, a leg, before pivoting and providing the entire thing. It feels to me a bit like the process of carving up a kingdom or something similar. The lords (represented by the squires) take what they want and leave aside what they don't; or perhaps they have eaten to their fill and can take no more. Then when his time comes, Jon first considers a small piece of land/group of people before eventually absorbing all of whatever is left behind. The concept of carving up a kingdom rings harder considering that we have several callbacks to the ideals of kingship in this chapter. Robert, Jaime, Tyrion, and even Mance though we don't know it yet, all play into this. And then there's the aspect of Jon letting the chicken slip between his legs which evokes birth/fatherhood, a very curious choice when GRRM could've just had Jon place the chicken on the floor. So land/people are carved up and Jon then uses whatever is left to birth his own type of kingdom. And this kingdom is one for the Old Gods.
This also touches on something that has been quite prevalent throughout Jon's arc. It's the concept of accepting the "others" or "those left over" who live apart from the accepted social norms. Arya (a tomboy), Sam (a gender non-confirming boy), the Night's Watch (criminals, extra sons, and men who have no future left or place to go), and even the wildlings are all examples of this. And Jon takes on a leadership/paternal role to every single one of them. He looks after them as a leader would/should. Sometimes, in the case of Arya and the wildlings, he's equated to a king. He's a steward/shepherd/king. There's messianic undertones to this:
Come unto me, all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30).
If you're familiar with Judeo-Christian tradition, you'll know that Jesus is often personified as one who spent the majority his time among the outcasts. The idea is that he came to save them too and that anew kingdom (or new earth depending on your translation) would spring up after the end of the world where he would forever rule as king; which presents the idea of a final king after the earthly ones are done away with. Now GRRM isn't so heavy handed with Christian allusions as other authors out there, but he does have a Catholic background and Jon is so overtly a Jesus figure. And in Revelation, Jesus is king and god at the very end....
One last thing: the mention of the mongrel who challenges Jon has always been rather interesting but confusing to me. A mongrel doesn't really relate to one specific type of dog. But it's interesting that Jon notes several roaming about where he is. They follow the serving girls who carry the food to be offered. Mongrels are used to describe antagonist/villainous groups in ASOIAF. Sometimes, they're used to describe slavers in Essos. But what's interesting is that most of the time, they're used to describe Euron's Ironborn especially in Victorian's POV. So I don't think the mongrel who challenges Ghost is a supernatural threat of death (i.e., the Others) but rather a human one. They represent those who are called to the scene once the lords have finished playing their games. It almost feels like a feast for (carrion) crows....
But it doesn't really matter because this mongrel isn't much of a challenge for Ghost. Though the mongrel is much larger, the direwolf is able to fend her off very effortlessly. Given that "mongrel" is used to describe Ironborn raiders, could this exchange between Ghost and the mongrel point to reavers or sea raiders who rise and fail challenge Jon kingdom? There is a historical King Jon Stark who did this....
When sea raiders landed in the east, Jon drove them out and built a castle, the Wolf's Den, at the mouth of the White Knife, so as to be able to defend the mouth of the river.[1][2] His son, Rickard, followed him on the throne and annexed the Neck to the north.
ref.
So this might shed some light not only on Jon's already published arc, but also on what we can expect in the future. We have some foreshadowing through Jon's ADWD dream that he will not only rise with the dawn (thereby live through the Long Night), but will be in a position to lead people (wildings in that chapter) to a new peace after a hard fought war. Also remember that the wildlings, rather enthusiastically, swear oaths to him as if swearing oaths to their king. In this instance, the supernatural (a dream of the war for the dawn) is followed by the natural/human. So perhaps this particular passage (and Jon's dream) can be used to predict that Jon comes out on top, and quite effortlessly too, as a leader. And he becomes a leader who rules by association with the Old Gods; or rules a kingdom for them.
To end, I think it's of note that this passage immediately precedes Jon's conversation with Benjen where he voices his desire to go out on his own - the hero's call to action. This is the adventure that's going to kickstart his growth as a man, warrior and most importantly, a leader. So it looks like before we even began, GRRM telegraphed how it would all end in just three short paragraphs.
#jon snow#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#ghost the direwolf#some random extra thoughts:#the aspect of fatherhood is closely tied to kingship as kings are often regarded to be the fathers of their nations#so we might see a parallel where jon-like dany-doesn't have children of his own physical body#but rather rules a kingdom as its symbolic father#think of how odin-a mythical parallel for jon-is called the all father because he is father to all men/lands#also it's interesting to me how kingship is a theme but it's almost like the actual theme is that of kings coming of going#but jon remaining and prevailing above all#we have robert who is a disappointing/bad king and his rule doesn't last very long and neither will his dynasty#jaime looks like a king and even if grrm didn't go through with his original ideas he was never meant to rule for long#in the new story jaime is symbolic of rhaegar a would be king whose time comes and goes leaving jon to pick up the pieces#then tyrion who stands “as tall as a king” but not quite! he still is not as tall as jon and tyrion also says in a later chapter#that soon he'll be even shorter than ghost + tyrion wasn't hand for long#mance who is hidden also has his time as king but it's very short lived and jon later absorbs his kingdom to make his own#so we have the wolf devouring the “left behinds” in a way but the interesting thing is this happens in reverse doesn't it#might Jon's new kingdom not only be made of remnants of the nw and wildlings but also have those left behind from the rest of the 7k?#it's possible since jojen tells us that once night comes all cloaks become black 🙂#so yeah this is all just more jon endgame king of winter/a new north propaganda lmaoooo
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some sketches I've done recently and which I'm posting because I need to be active on tumblr
its all. Thanks for attention!!
#translate for first sketch: “and what to do with you?”#folli's art#SO here we have:#oc: adele#Western Adele if we are more accurate + western ficus and just adorable little creature (also ficus)#oc: grey#oc: me#do you remember Grey? He is great. And here is also me!!#they have a mental connection (they don't have a single thought in their heads)#oc: Donovan Johnson#I don't remember if I posted it here or not but I don't think I did so yeah#I got lost in Mangrove Swamp when I drew this and I also lost two dogs (taking them with me was a bad idea)#and just random sketches where I was trying to draw sonic and tails from memory when I was talking with friend (this is hard ugh)#ms paint#digital doodle#doodle#artists on tumblr#original character
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Baron strikes. Varian is the only person avaible to help Catalina although he's kind of sceptic the whole way through.
#sheerak#Catalina isn't really fond of Varian at this point too#it's like a year or two after the finale#I had this short story in my head since 2020 and I will probably do nothing with it for another few years.#fun fact sometimes a random person starts texting me out of nowhere on ig and I use it as an opportunity to pitch my story ideas like this#she stole the pink bomb from his bag and he's like ok don't do this and I'm sure this is a bad idea#designs are from 2021#I have no idea how old catalina is in canon ??? she's like 4 years younger than V i guess?#please I will practice backgrounds I promise#tangled the series#varian#varian tangled
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In one hour I'm gonna be 30.
I never thought I would see 20.
I text my brother, "do you feel young or do you feel old?"
we have orbited the sun the same amount of times. We have gone around the sun so many times apart that I'm not sure who either of us are any more. We have gone around the sun so many times together that I know we are only two halves of one person.
I am 4 years old I am 22 I am 17 I am 1000 years old and Oh so tired I am 6 and oh so scared and I need to know what the other half of us makes of the situation that we are experiencing in two different countries but together.
"I've felt old for years." he responds
Me too.
But also
I don't know if I'll ever be older than 7 and figuring out how to make us toast.
#how the hell do I even tag this#aging#I guess#trauma?#that's for sure#i know everyone goes through a version of this there is no one that turns 30 without some sort of a situation#a reaction#a revelation#idk#30 is a big one#I just can't help but feel i'm having a worse response than most#could just be main character syndrome honestly i'm probably just experienceing being human and being like omg my life is worse than everyon#and like no i get it that in many ways my life is not as bad as so so so so so many other people#I just ....#I feel like I have not emotionally moved on from being a very mature for my age 7 year old#that everyone praised for being so mature and an old soul and so capable#when literally it was like well my brother and I will starve and die If i don't step up so i'm gonna sort this.#every time I do my laundry I feel echos of the panic I felt then trying to figure it out#and I press any sorrt of random buttons until the machine turns on#I never learned to cook properly past the childhood 'gotta feed us' phase and I've survived sure but the idea of using an oven#or a real stovetop terrifies me#I microwave shit#and make sandwiches and salads#I havn't died but i'm definitly malnourished my vitamin intake is wildly abysmal#every time I'm doing a grown up task that I should be capable of as a freaking 30 year old I get this anxiety of#I wish a grown up would help me with this#like I panic I'm doing it wrong and i'm gonna get punished for my wrong laundry selections#or the way i'm sweeping the floor#how often am I supposed to be changin the vacuum bags#oh shit I EXPLODED the vaccuum bag I guess it was more often than that
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rewatching LoK, i'm being reminded how much I dislike the.... the brothers, mako and bolin, yanno? they're such underwhelming characters on basically every level. it'd almost be impressive if they weren't in every episode and didn't annoy me so much ugh
#bean talking into the void#also this show in general is very flawed lol#cool things about it but the choice to structure it more like a#prestige tv show#as in each season follows One Story#is... i wouldn't say it was a bad choice but i feel like you can see the growing pains#switching over from the episodic structure of ATLA#s1 while flawed is solid#it knows what it's trying to do even if it doesn't always stick the landing#season two feels like a season-long filler episode LMFAO#which is hilarious because a lot of world-building stuff happens#but tonally it's all over the place#serious political plots interspersed with the B Plot following Tenzin and his family#on vacation???#so fucking random#but anyway back to roasting the brothers#i find bolin just annoying in general his brand of comedy totally doesn't work for me#but at least he has like#a personality that's consistent#mako is sooooooo blah#the writers have no idea what to do with him and he comes across as having a strikingly boring personality#with no defining traits other than being wishy washy (and a boot licker)#it FEELS like he was meant to remind viewers of Zuko#at least in appearance if nothing else#another broody pretty boy to latch onto#but he has literally nothing interesting to actually get invested in#sure he's got his tragic backstory and he's the 'older brother who took care of his younger brother after their parents died' boo hoo#but that's all just exposition and it's barely shown in a way that feels illustrative or emotional in any way that matters#(other than him comforting bolin in s1 after he KISSES THE GIRL HE KNEW BOLIN HAD A CRUSH ON lmfaoooooo)#(what a good big brother lmfao)
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making a collection
making another collection with a threatening aura
#davy back fightbpart 3 letsgo#HOW do the three big guns get wasted on the eating contest... horrible plan.... luffy is fine bc well... but not sanji and zoro like damn.#luffy DOESNT WANNA EAT??? CALL THE NAVY!!!!#what was i saying.... bad idea putting the three beasts there#FRANKY FRANKY FRANKY!!!! they captured the two princesses :(#one sided beef squashed between luffy and foxy. friendship ended with random ex marine guy. now luffy is my best friend#usopp and franky bonding time hell yeah. throw usopp by the head once more pelase#nami with zoros swords just like holding them looks so cool like she should get a few swords too... nami three sword style oda drawing pls#i think this man underestimates nami and luffys power together he doesnt know about shiki#luffy saying he knows its a trap and sorry for being late.... lets go on an adventure all nine of us.... usopp yes anding his lie..... omg#cant believe nami isnt there yet. she could take this guy. oh there she is!!!!! she does look cool with the swords and jumping to get luffy#zoro screaming in agony from luffy getting shot omg THIS FUCKING GUY OF COURSE!!! this looks like its so over#zoro and sanji must feel so useless rn. they didnt even get the chance to fight like damn#komei-kakka??? more like come caca. boom#luffy face down dead on the floor akdjkaa chopper have you tried looking at the wound to see if it harmed him idk#it hit the face akdjskn usopp that was coom also#was robin flirting with the other guy and zoro caught her and she told hum to shut up???#'your friends got the best of me but you are still in my arms an-' 'HEAT EGG!! ALSO YOU'RE ON FIRE!'#flare maneauver that was so slay also luffy and nami in the same frame so twins of them. my children. birthed them one right after the othe#zoro and sanji fighting back to back. back to back to back to you i dont wanna fall right back to us maybe you should run right back to her#that is such a bop song. also post wano zosan. and post wci. see the recurrent theme#fighting in water.... being on top of the sword that was a slay... red hawk ace i will never forget you it seems#foxy liking his jolly roger omg nami fooled him ahdhsjs i think they should have pirate game event every year they yearn for contests#now since this experience foxy should make monthly multitudinary pirate games olympics hoping the strawhats join them a la gatsby#the faces at the mushroom akdhaksjs#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies#kinda loved how robin betted on franky against usopp.... i will take the crumbs
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Something abt Halloween and costumes or smth…I might make more if I feel 𐌔𐌉𐌋𐌋𐌙
#splatoon#callie splatoon#callie cuttlefish#marie splatoon#marie cuttlefish#marie kensaki#squid sisters#goober art#my autistic kids….#Bong Water and Hot Box#I think I made a joke like that already but idrc#ngl I have no idea how to make like..super uber cool and awesome Halloween costumes#so we have vaguely Draculaura core Callie and a Marie that looks like he dug in his closet and just grabbed smth random#but that’s pretty much how all werewolves tend to look in media anyway so like#same difference ig#I think the gloves don’t rlly match Callie’s fit all to well without the cape now that I think abt it….#im too lazy to fix it tho so WOMP WOMP#I wanna draw smth else now…#anywho I think that’s enough yapping now….#listen to Rabid Dog by Bad Waitress#fairly fitting I tjink#for Marie at least…cuz of like..the costume…yk….yeag….#do ur daily click#annddd#have a good#ψ(`∇´)ψ#<- it’s me Shadow…the DEVIL from the BIBLE!!!
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Ohhhh i now remember why i got shy about talking abt ocs
24/7 fear that someone will tell me my ideas are cliche/stupid/bad in some other and it will hurt more bc these are my own creations and not just fun and play
#kurjatxt#i was trying 2 explain some stuff and i was immediately like#:/ does this feel like some kinf of weird hype for ancient mysticism and does that go into promoting the current day false ideas plaguing#people that make them drink unpasturized milk :/#is this too based on my view on magic from my enviroment bc it is based on my personal experience on seeking safety in#nostalgia and playing w the idea of balancing what you get from the past and integrating it into the future vs. just being stuck in the#past vs. the danger of completely rejecting the past told through the lense of smth i loved as a child: fantasy/magic/fairytales :/#and could be alienating and immature and demeaningly simple to other people who grew up in an enviroment already more inclined to#this kind of balance :/#or is me thinking about this demeaning to people bc i should be able to trust them to see what i make as silly ramblings by some random#tumble user just exploring their own experiences through story instead of trying to make some large sweeping statements about#the world and its reality :/#or is it bad of me to be careless about bc of COURSE i should put the upmost care into what i put out into the world and make sure that#everything i make is inclusive and as accessible to as many different types of people to relate to :/#or is that dumb is that limiting to art and am i giving a bad example and furthering the idea of people#havibg to make everything as palatable to everyone as possible JUST in case that nobody gets even slightly hurt or annoyed :/#man being a creator is hard OOPS that is also an evil thing to say being a creator is the luckiest thing you can ever be and ur just beinh#a whiny bitchbaby :/#<-#all that just. a small portion of the overthinking#and yk what it started from?#thr statement '<#in this world magic can be kind of more compared to how modern science is approached'#THAT SENTENC3#I AM SO STRESSED ABOUT#WhY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS!!!! I DONT KNOW!!!#sorry this is prolly the longest tags ive ever put on a post sorry to whoever opened the see more for this#its just. i think tj3 first tim3 ive been able.to expresw the circles my brain does and its kind of therapeutic#maybe i should start writing these circles down more often so i could see how dumb they rly are on paper#instead.of fretting inside my heae
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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I honestly no longer feel bad for anyone who informs that a public Discord server triggered some dumb drama or resulted in hegemony of some takes making others feel unwelcomed or destroyed someone's self-esteem completely. It should be obvious that public Discord is an awful idea after it's been proven to be for countless times, every time, for many years. Yet every time some mfer thinks: "but people /I/ invited are DIFFERENT, but on MY server things are chill" etc. People just don't learn and keep making this mistake.
Once again: public Discord servers are fundamentally broken as a concept, because unlike Twitter timeline or Tumblr dashboard, they are closed, tight room. In them if user 1 ignores or dislikes user 2, it will be noticeable. If even two people don't get along or someone is not interested in someone, it will effect the mood in the whole room especially during these your "chaotic 3 AM VCs", thus a petty personal thing will spread across users it should not concern! The person that isn't fond of everyone will either be forced to leave the server to not feel forced to see someone they dislike, or push that person out through passive aggression themselves! Beeeeecaaause how maaany tiiiiimes will you neeeed to learn that Discord servers rely on everyone liking everyone, a thing impossible for human species by the concept, yooooou fuuucking dumbaaaasses. Not to mention how every other influential and popular person falls because they've made a Discord for their following like an absolute moron that they are and naturally failed to control the community!
Discord servers should be only used as group chats of friends with more features. Having discussions across Tumblr is just better; asks and reblogs are a thing if you want to be public and invite more people to say their opinions, but it ALSO allows to avoid interacting with mfer you dislike without consequences for the fandom camp!
#internets#Discord#someone: my fandom camp is ruined because of a Discord drama on the server!!!#me barely holding back: and whose fault is this that they thought server was a good idea? 🤦♂️#I just can't sympathize with someone who makes such an obvious mistake!#every drama happens because of discord server!#but no! you guys always think that YOUR public discord will be different!#like okay sure vent if you must but not to me. i dont feel bad. it was expected#it is like touching a hot iron that you know is heated and then seek sympathy for getting burnt#I specify 'public' Discords because if they are closed from any new members between like#3-6 FRIENDS who KNOW each other already very close#it is the ones you post a link to or invite people who are interested to that are cringe#just stop. just stop locking random people who aren't friends in a stiff room and then-#-get upset that a stupid personal drama between two infected the rest of the fandom#discord has been bringing out the worst of human nature for years and you still dont get the hint#what a prophetic name 'Discord' lol#like I promise you won't die if you be autistic on Twitter or Tumblr instead of Discord
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Manon would have doubts about being a good mother to her little witchling. It’s a feeling that never goes away and she terrified of acting like her grandmother because it’s literally the only thing she knows.
She’s aware that what her grandmother did was no way to be around a child. This, and the fact that Manon is a good person with a lot of repressed love, was why she is nothing like her grandmother. But she doesn’t see it that way. She is haunted by her past and her own nightmarish childhood. She hangs on every mistake, wonders if she could have said something better— wonders if her witchling is better off being around Dorian more than her (because she believes that she will do some irrecoverable damage to her, and the thought literally keeps her up at night)
Dorian is there to always assure her that she’s nothing like her grandmother. He hates that after so long without her, she still has her clutches around Manon, ensuring that her voice is the only thing leading Manon.
He knows that she isn’t like her at all. And he will never tire of reminding her of it every single day.
This has become easier with their witchling getting older. Now, he can easily just point at the toddler, who would be in various positions on their bed at night ‘because I get bad dreams in my bed and only get good dreams in your bed’ as she would argue.
He notices how the witchling is casual about it. She comes into their room, climbs up their bed, plops down next to her mom while holding on to something so that she doesn’t get carried to her room (toddler logic). To Dorian, this display alone is enough.
He tells Manon that if she was anything like she thinks she is, their witchling wouldn’t be feeling this safe around her. She is always around her mother, following her around and preferring to stay with her as opposed to playing with the other children. If their witchling is feeling unsafe, she wouldn’t be doing any of that.
“Look at her,” He points at the sleeping child in their bed once again. Her head is resting on Manon’s stomach, while she almost hogged her mother all to herself.
“You’re doing great with her, witchling,” He winks. Adding a little playfulness while being serious.
The Blackbeak Matron killed her own daughter and almost killed her granddaughter. Manon is nothing like her, and he will never tire of reminding her of that.
Because even the formidable Queen of the Witches needs a gentle reminder from time to time.
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#manon x dorian#tog#dorian havilliard#manorian#i need to be up in 3 hours but this idea just attacked me#HELLOO??? I WAS IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP????#sneak manorian and their witchling attack#not that i mind because they’re just so cute???#Manon still struggles a lot tho#imagine being abused by your only parent for over a hundred years#she tries not to let it get to her but sometimes it’s hard#but she has Dorian to help her#and an affectionate little witchling that subtly shows her that she isn’t doing too bad#because she remembers when she was a witchling she stayed away from her grandmother as to not upset her or evoke her wrath#she never felt safe enough to just waltz into her grandmother’s room and talk about random things#only if she was feeling suicidal#but seeing her witchling doing this without any fear???#she’s still processing it and often just attributes it to Dorian#but Dorian tells her that he wasn’t even in the room#that little witchling is what’s going to heal Manon#because she is so pure and loving and like most children has no filter#‘I love you’#’youre more fun than others’#‘I want to go with you’#‘I want you!’#ans so many things a child would say just so they’re always in their mother’s face
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Here is a badly drawn comic of my terrible, awkward group project experience from yesterday. I thought it was very absurd so I wanted to share it other people lol :)
Let me know, how do you find their conduct 😭
#i tried to small talk#and they werent rly listening and were like i just wanna get this done w so i can eat#yet talked to me abt smth random after#but the moving the laptop is what made me draw this 😭#like is that not absurd????#i dont wanna rewatch the video#but i wanna see what the camera frame looked like#bcs from what i saw my drawing is p accurate#but yeah they also talked for the majority of the time#even tho i did more research bcs they took up most of the slides#AND ALSO TOOK MY IDEAS#im like uhhhh im p sure [insert slide topic] is required!!!#and i went to go start writing it#and theyre like oh okay ill do that slide#and even tho i kept reminding them of the slide requirement#they kept being like ugh i cant think of anything#and then would take my ideas when i proposed them#like the conclusion part was to write a proposal abt what solution can be made for the current event topic#AND i took notes the night before and wrote down the idea for the solution#and i told them and theyre like oh yeah thats okay and started writing those slides#i know i should be more assertive but im so conflict avoidant and was kinda like oh. okay. ah.#lmao i hope this doesnt make me come off as someone victimizing themselves#im just annoyed 😭😭#and also this person was on my abroad trip and we all hated them#but i felt bad abt how much we hated them and theyre(I THOUGHT) much more chill in a classroom setting#so i kinda softened my hate for them and theyre the only person i know in my class rly#so im like ahhhh we should work together!#and now i remember why i dislike them 😭😭#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.
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thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
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cw blood (kind of? in different colors that dont make it look quite like it), organs
warm up + greyscale screen filter challenge !!! featuring yuuichi eating normal human (in origin) food😁😁😁
#re:kinder#fanart#yuuichi mizuoka#he was meant to be eating watermelon#but as usual my brain felt silly goofy and decided to twist it for the lols#havent done rendering since i was 15 have mercy#since this is a warm up there are. more mistakes than usual but in my defense i forgot how to draw#michael how did you forget how to draw you were drawing JUST 4 DAYS AGO#ocurre y acontece the yet to be diagnosed and determined hand condition has been acting up in those days i have not drawn#AND SOMEHOW IT MESSED WITH MY HAND TO EYE COORDINATION it got rid of my inner calibration settings ig#but since being out of it for days in pain made me sad I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE STOPPRD FROM DRAWING YUUICHI FOR THE MILLIONTJ TIME#it would have been a bad idea to let myself rust even longer because i dont know if unspecified undetermined condition will act up tomorrow#so irs best to draw and warm up and set back them inner calibration settings#IT WORKED AND THIS DRAWING TURNED OJT BLUE😭😭😭#OF ALL THINGS I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD TURN OUT BLUE whenever i did look at the color wheel i swear. i was on the warm side#placed greyscale filter on computer so i wouldnt see color and painted like that tossing random colors AND YET IT TJRNED OUT UNIFIED#which. welcome results but i cannot believe it is blue and green. i swear whenver i looked at thay cplored wheel it was up in the warm side#well most of the time i did not look at it so it makes sense i didnt realize but i seriously did not think it would look as coherent#doesnt have any deep meaning or anytjing i just found random referenxe and flew from there#but interpret as you will if you wanna
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have not left bed today + found out another friend got locked up + want to beat up every single adult that saw what was happening to me and looked away or actively made it worse
#personal#vent#suicide mention tw#i need to call her. last time we talked she said she was going to kill herself if she got incarcerated again#i love her. nothing makes me more angry at so many systems than trying to do suicide support with my friends who are locked up#trying to do this shit over the phone with people listening in. trying to figure out what meaningful support we can even give#because when she says that death is better than months of solitary i know exactly how she feels and what she means and i cannot fucking#most of the skills mainstream peer support has ever taught me are useless in that situation and my best is not enough#there are so many places that need to be burnt down.#there are so many people i love who are not out and it starts to kill me a little bit#and cops are starting to fuck with us here more. i've gotten bruised up a couple times from being shoved around#nothing too bad yet but just#jesus christ#sorry for coming on here to vent all the time but my offline life is a little crazy at the moment and half this shit i can't talk about irl#i honestly think i need to like. start learning how to fight properly again. bc i have so much anger right now#and learning how to actually fight sounds like a better idea then fucking off and getting into random fights like i used to#idk. will look into it
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-_-
#minute rants#Mgh#sorry sorry sorry for complaining on main#Just a bit frustrated about some things#upset a bit knowing that my ideas would receive positive attention if they came from someone else#(Both online and irl)#i mean online I#I think if I were someone more popular my art would get notes no matter how bad it is#That’s not me hating on anyone by the way that’s just how the world works I suppose#The only way people recognize you and consider your ideas#is if you have some sort of influence#And it sucks because#Not to sound arrogant but#i think I have good ideas#Not just about art but other things#But I’ll never be able to spread them anywhere because#I’m not what whatever randomized social algorithm considers ‘worthy material’#And i hate that that’s how we judge things in the modern day#By popularity and by referral as material#It feels dehumanising in a way#Sorry this is#really random#ignore me sorry anyhow#Delete later
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