#quoted by a wonderful friend of mine back in 2020.

[motheryves]

going from wattpad to ao3 is like fanfiction puberty.

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Redacted Incorrect Quotes Pt. ?

Haha you really thought my lazy ass was gonna work on WIPs? Nah. Have some redacted incorrect quotes based on tweets I saw, either on the app or screenshots of.

No I don’t care if the dashes are uneven.

Redacted Masterlist

----

Angel: *Flirting poorly with Davey at the grocery store* Hey so do you eat food often?

----

Sweetheart: Curious George is not a monkey because he has no tail. He is an ape. He will grow into a silverback gorilla and kill the man with the yellow hat in a display of dominance.

Milo: I’m literally just trying to read to Aggro.

-----

Milo: I love when kittens yell, but their heads are too big so they squint.

----

Guy: Roommate broke up with boyfriend that cooks for us. Excuse me while I go die.

----

Angel: In 1920 we took children out of the coal mine. In 2020 the most popular game on the market is minecraft. 

Baabe: Children yearn for mines.

-----

*3 AM*

No one:

LITERALLY no one:

Asher, in wolf form: I wonder if I can break the record with how loud I can lick my paw.

-----

Darlin: If civilization crumbles, I have a little flashlight in a drawer somewhere.

---

Sweetheart: Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” is about friends practicing magic but when someone walks in they have to play it cool.

Milo: No. It isn’t.

Sweetheart: *starts singing* The moon is bright, the spirits up. We’re here tonight, and that’s enough. *whispers* This is the part where someone comes in. *Continues pointedly* Simply having a wonderful christmastime!

----

Angel: My husband gives people a thumbs down instead of flicking them off when driving. He reports that a thumbs down makes them a lot more angry.

----

Adam: I would be such a good “dead wife”. Like, can you imagine how good I would look in a dead wife flashback sequence? Someone make me their “dead wife.

----

David: As a kid I thought Simba was crazy for running away after the death of Mufasa. But now watching it as an adult, I get it. It did look pretty incriminating of him leading Mufasa to that gorge. Witnesses saw him singing “I just can’t wait to be king.” A persecutor could do some real damage with that conviction.

----

Honey: I don’t like the saying “don’t speak ill of the dead”. It always struck me as disingenuous. People are multi-layered. Yes, I did light up a room. But I also stole my roommate’s milk to make mac and cheese blackout hammered. Let’s acknowledge both sides.

----

David, giving a pep talk to the pack: For anyone feeling down, just remember Velveeta cheese has been on the market since 1918. If trash cheese can succeed, so can you. And for anyone who likes Velveeta cheese, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you like trash cheese.

----

Angel: Lying awake thinking about the time I ordered a giant magikarp plush from Japan but then got refunded because the plushie got crushed under a shipping container.

----

Asher, and maybe Guy too: I’m here if you need moron support. It’s like moral support but I’m stupid.

-----

David: If I have to throw a party for my pack, it will be breakfast. Not lunch. Not dinner. It will start at 8:30 am so there is a valid reason for no one to come and I can kick them out before noon because I only promised breakfast, not lunch. The introverts will win even if it kills me.

----

Milo and Ollie: My cat has no responsibilities, but all day he walks from around the house, from room to room, with this sense of purpose, as if he has a long to-do list of tasks no one asked for. Just a weird small furry dude going about his little cat errands.

----

Freelancer: Aww my microbiome fancies some high quality fermented foods, does it? A little kombucha perhaps? I don’t give a shit. I’m a megabiome, I do what I want. I’m having a fanta lemon. I’ll swallow coins.

-----

Lovely: I would be an awesome drug dealer. Like, can you imagine? *giggles* We don’t have coke, is pepsi okay?

-----

Freelancer: Math professors be wildin like “a man tossed a coin, find the probability of him getting a head?” BRO WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT A H-

Huxley: I wanna reply back same to my data analytics professor so badly!!

------

David, at the pack solstice parties: I, myself, am understaffed at this time.

----

Milo with Marie watching Aggro for him:

-----

Asher: Fuck your zodiac sign, what button do you press when it says “press any button to start”

[iplaywithstring]

So, I might be "in remission" with my ME/CFS.

it's in quotes because I don't actually know the criteria and I haven't talked to my doctor about it.

I had remission before - right after I was diagnosed in 2010, I started feeling better. Better as in I had been sleeping/resting/not active for about 18 hrs a day and then over the period of about two weeks I felt better and told my doctor my symptoms were gone. I was warned it could come back at any time, but I didn't listen. I did more and more and within a year I had taken up power lifting (2011). Shortly after that (fall 2012) I got a part time job. Within a few months (summer 2013) symptoms came back, I had to quit my job, and things got progressively worse.

There have been times since 2013 that I have been housebound. There have been times when I had about 4-6 "active" hours a day (where "active" meant anything from being on my feet to just being upright). After starting treatment for endometriosis I went through the diagnostic process a second time with the same results in 2017. I was prescribed stimulants to take as-needed on days when I needed to function in 2018.

Since 2019, I have been getting better at pacing - understanding my limits, not pushing myself, and actually resting. Early 2020, my husband went to Europe for 5 weeks, and I managed to take care of myself and my kids and the house without crashing (and did volunteer work!). When things shut down, I was able to sleep, rest, and be active according to how I felt instead of basing my activity on outside pressures. I really learned what pacing was and where my limits were.

in the fall of 2021 I went back to school - two days a week on site and two days a week online classes from home. Aside from a few bad days and not really leaving the house on the weekends, I managed without crashing. I started my full time on the job training three weeks ago (although full disclosure - I haven't actually worked full time - I've been sent home early at least once a week (because not all clients are comfortable having a student sit in on meetings) so it's not quite full time, but a lot more activity than I have been doing).

I'm waiting for the crash, but it hasn't happened. My husband reminds me that I'm not doing anything in the evenings - couch lump most of the time - but I am still doing a lot. Twice this week I was close to 10k steps, and I wake up the next day expecting to feel awful and I.....don't. My mind is working, my muscles and joints are....well, ok, they're sore, but OTC meds are taking care of it. My digestive system is working (this is a big deal!). I haven't had insomnia or other sleep difficulties. I haven't had random nausea or dizzyness or inability to function.

A friend of mine has reminded me that I'm likely riding on a lot of adrenaline, and she's not wrong, but I would expect the weekends to be bad if that was what was keeping me going. Instead, I'm...fine? Like today is Saturday and I woke up on my own around 8 and instead of napping in the afternoon I went for a 3k walk (slowly, on flat ground) - this is after doing some cleaning. And then I spent the rest of the day mostly sitting/reclining and feeling pretty tired. But just tired, not ill, not sensitive to sound, not having temperature regulation problems, just sitting on the couch relaxing (ok, under a blanket, but still, no chills or blue lips).

So now I'm wondering if I've actually just been faking for the past 10 years or if I was actually just lazy and wasting my life, or if I'm going to wake up one day and just be a mess. This is really happy and exciting news, but I feel really......insecure? about the whole thing. Last time I had a remission I went to therapy because it brought up a ton of things I had to work through - identity issues, who I am, what I want, etc. - and in the end it was positive but it was definitely a crisis point.

I want to believe that I am just understanding my limits and somehow not going past my ability, but it's really hard not to bounce back and forth between "oh no when am I going to crash" and "obviously I'm a fraud". It's been a trip, folks.

[freedfromthegalactichivemind]

I am wondering if I am not alone.  Warning: serious topic ahead.  I am really hating the media coverage of Ye.  It’s not just his horrible words and beliefs, it’s the focus on his mental illness.  On one hand, I am glad that people are taking that into account instead of treating it, in and of itself as a moral failing, that he’s “just a crazy,” and, instead, are focusing on the actual moral failings and differentiating that mental illness does not make one praise Nazis, one has to have those beliefs to begin with for a mental health episode to take off the filter.   At the same time, I am finding it all triggering. I have bipolar disorder.  I had a bad manic episode last year.  I think it was inevitable in coming, even with my faithfully-medicated ass and the support that I have.  I had five really bad personal years in terms of physical health problems with me and my family and lots of financial hits - I’m talking things like me and loved ones literally almost dying, loved one going through emergency surgery while uninsured in America, all before 2020 hit, and being underpaid essential workers in 2020-2021 and all those years entailed and I’ve come to the conclusion that it was INEVITABLE that I’d have my “once in a decade” periods of completely losing my mind.   Stress, stress, stress, stress, stress building up to a breaking point.   And, unfortunately, the break happened with me unleashing it all over a subset of a fandom.  She-Ra fandom is contentious as it is, but the subset of a subset of a fandom I was in... I guess it didn’t really matter that I was one of the first entrapdaks in the fanworks game and was, in one person’s words, “a vital part of the fandom for two years,” some misunderstandings happened between me and some “friends” of mine - and I say “friends” in quotes because, in hindsight, I don’t think they were really good friends to me. Those who remain my friends know who they are and will go unnamed.  I got triggered up to some irrational behavior and did unleash some unwarranted anger on people who really didn’t deserve it and got into “I feel like these people have slighted me, so I just want to hurt them!” mode and other people who never should have been involved got involved and they all pretty much sided against me because I was lost in my own madness at that point.  However, people claiming that my suicidal talk was just me “crying wolf” and trying to get attention were wrong - dead wrong.  I try not to feel too much of it because when I came back from the hospital and saw former “friends” dismissing me and treating me like I never existed, I really did come to the conclusion that some of my former “friends” were disappointed that I didn’t die.  You might not want me dead per se, but it’s obviously that you do not care and it probably would have been easier for you to never have seen my name again online and have the benefit of the doubt that I’d “probably just fucked off from the fandom.”      For those of you who think I’m “causing drama,” please notice that I am not naming any names.  It’s been over a year.  No one remembers this shit who was not involved.  There’s not going to be any drama with new fans unless you out yourself.  I’m pretty sure everyone who was involved has me blocked anyway, or vice versa, so I’m pretty sure we aren’t even seeing each other and I can rant to my heart’s content on my own little blog.  Also, in fact, I am confessing (see above) that I know I was a complete ass when I was driving off the rails on my crazy train.   And that’s what a mania is like.  By my experiences with the condition, one is locked into a mode where, if one feels hurt, one wants to hurt others.  One’s perception is warped and you are likely to hit innocent bystanders and do other things that are unnecessary.  One also gets into a mode where one knows that one is in trouble, but there’s this drive, this utter DRIVE to dig oneself deeper.  “How worse can I make it to test limits, where is the breaking point - I hate myself and those suicidal voices in my head need an excuse to act.”  Something like that.   And it is TERRIFYING.   When you come down from it, after you’re getting help, get a med-adjustment, get therapy and whatever else you need to re-calibrate, it remains TERRIFYING.   It’s just knowing that you have an ingrained, incurable brain-disease that means that when you’re sufficiently stressed (and it may take a while to build up, like years of rotten luck that you manage to soldier through), something or a series of somethings will set you off, and it can be as unpredictable as some misunderstandings among your “fandom-buddies” in a stupid-ass fandom.  You know that, even with the most careful treatment, it is inevitable that you’ll go off the rails again sometime, even if your intervals are “about a decade,”  it’s still... yeah, you treat yourself, you try to stave it off...  And then you see some celebrity on the news all the time for the very thing of “going off the rails,” and “out of control, digging himself deeper,” and you recognize that DRIVE, you know it intimately because you’ve been through it before and you’ve just been through it!  And you start to think “Is this who I am?  Are we all like this?  Maybe all of us with this disorder should be rounded up and shot for the good and peace of Mankind.”  And you stave that off because that’s the kind of immoral thinking that the object of the news is trapped in for whatever reason.  You also realize that you are not going off the rails most of the time and other bipolar people manage their illness well, and maybe you are, too, for the moment, because you don’t feel like dying anymore - instead you feel just too stubborn because the “I’m going to beat this” switch has been flipped in your head, but your self-esteem suffers because you’re getting a VERY PUBLIC REMINDER of where you were not long ago and where you can easily be again if you aren’t careful.   Again, I’ve never been a Nazi.  I’ve never thought “slavery was a choice” because that goes against the very definition of the word.  I’ve never been rich enough to ever feel insulated from my own poor actions (I do think wealth makes it worse for celebrities).  I don’t have the bigotries / deeply-ingrained moral problems nor whatever religion I suspect might be an underlying source of them for Ye. (I have some ex-evangelical baggage, but it’s not...that.  I suspect there’s a fringe-religion thing going on that’s becoming sadly mainstream).  But it’s just... all of the other stuff surrounding his case...  It’s hurting me, messing with my self-esteem, making me wondering if I’m just evil in general because I share a disease with him and see a lot of manifestation of that disease that I’ve experienced out front. He is definitely reminding the world why it just does not like bipolar people and it makes me worry about others who haven’t been diagnosed being reluctant to get help (when I was first diagnosed, it felt like the end of the world for me because it’s what my brother had and my brother is/was an abusive asshole, so I literally thought “Great, I have the asshole-disease”).  I worry about further discrimination and barriers to us.  And it is all making me wonder if we even have the right to exist.   Again, too stubborn right now to feel suicidal.  I’m not in that phase.  If you hear me talking about suicide / actually wanting to die, that’s the time to worry, right now, I’m kind of holding on out of spite, but I’m worried about others who aren’t as spiteful as I am right now, seeing this kind of trigger all over the news all over the place.   And bringing it back to this fandom, it makes me wonder if the world - any world, Etheria or Earth, is a better place for people having the freedom to go off the rails and “be like Catra” for a while, or if all defects need to be found, rooted out and culled / exiled like with the Galactic Horde.  In either case, I relate to Hordak - I know I’m a defect, and sometimes I want to go into the Pool and just erase myself, but most of the time, I am stubborn.   Just a random rant, trying to sort my thoughts.  

[chriscolfernews]

I’m not sure anyone on Earth could give Naya Rivera the tribute she deserves.

In fact, the process of losing her has been such a nightmare, I find myself wondering if Naya was even real or if she was just a dream all along. How could a human being be that talented, that hilarious and that beautiful at once? How could one person be responsible for so much joy and be the subject of so many wonderful memories?

When Naya sang, you could feel her soul resonating through your own. Her voice would break your heart in one chorus, only to rebuild it in the next. Watching her perform was like watching magic unfold before your eyes. Naya didn’t just sing a song. She brought it to life. And with every note, she exposed the old sage living inside her young body.

As an actress, Naya could tell a whole story with one expression. It didn’t matter how outrageous the plot was, she spoke with so much authenticity, she made you believe every word she said, and often, you’d forget she was acting at all. Her heroic and groundbreaking portrayal of Santana Lopez on “Glee” inspired millions of young people around the world, especially in the LGBTQIA community, and it will be treasured for generations to come.

Naya also had a superhuman ability to memorize scripts. With one glance, she would know all her lines and yours — which came in handy when you acted alongside her. Sometimes, I’d become so lost in Naya’s performance, I’d forget I was in the scene with her. Even when her character was tearing mine to shreds, I couldn’t help but respect how brilliantly she delivered the insults.

When someone is as talented as Naya, saying she was also one of the funniest and most quotable people that I’ve ever met sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s the absolute truth. Naya could defuse a bomb with a witty remark. Her comebacks and quips were legendary, and I used to follow her around set, jotting down everything she said into my phone.

On particularly rough days of filming, you might find her outside enjoying a cigarette in her bright red cheerleading uniform. She would raise an invisible glass and say, “To being role models!” or “City of dreams, huh?”

Whenever the “Glee” cast commiserated about the demanding shooting schedule, Naya would instantly cheer us up with a line like, “Gosh, this internship blows!” or “Guys, we know what we signed up for. The first person to guess the mole gets the cash.”

Even after an eighteen-hour day of singing and dancing, when mustering a smile felt impossible, Naya could make you laugh out loud. Once, during a heated exchange between an actor and a director, I’ll never forget her turning to me with a cheeky grin and asking, “Is this a bad time to tell someone the DVD player in my trailer isn’t working?”

As a friend, you could talk to her about anything. She was the cool older sister you went to for advice, to blow off steam, or to get the hottest take on the latest gossip. Just being in Naya’s presence made you feel protected and regardless of the situation, you knew she’d have your back. She was never afraid to stand up to authority, she always called out mistreatment where she saw it and she always told you the truth — even when it was hard to hear.

For as long as I’ve known Naya, the thing she wanted most in life was to be a mother. She spent hours telling us what she was going to name her kids, how she was going to dress them and all the free babysitting she’d bamboozle out of us. When her son Josey was born in 2015, it was like a missing piece of Naya had finally arrived. Their connection was magnetic, their affection was radiant and I’ve never seen a person look happier than when Naya gushed over her little boy.

Being a mom was perhaps Naya’s greatest talent of all, and as her final moments proved, Naya was an extraordinary mother until the very end.

Naya leaves behind a void that only Naya herself could fill. To have a friend like her, even briefly, is to be blessed beyond belief. She is a shining example of the impact a person can have when one lives fearlessly. Her loss is a tragic reminder to celebrate every moment we possibly can with the people we love because the only thing we know for certain about life is how fragile it can be.

To quote Naya herself, “No matter the year, circumstance, or strife, everyday you’re alive is a blessing. make the most of today and every day you are given. Tomorrow is not promised.”

[virtual-minotaur]

Sorry if this is prying at all, but I saw you posted your sticker piece for that lemon demon zine a bit ago and I was just wondering if you know what happened with it? I ordered mine ages ago and have heard nothing since, I try checking the zines media pages every now and then just in case they've said literally anything but they've been radio silent since last June :/

BOY DO I

This is information I've gathered from being on the Mobius Strip Club discord (organizer's discord), but I might not remember it 1:1, so don't quote me on anything.

But as far as I remember, Jonny, the lead organizer, let us know in hmmm December of 2020? That some prints and shirts had arrived. Pictured below.

However, except for a few general announcements, there weren't any news related to the zine itself.

Until April of 2021, in which one of Jonny's IRL friend (and co-organizer, albeit less involved than Jonny) contacted him on Instagram to get news and updates on the sudden radio silence.

Apparently, Jonny tried to get most items for the zine from local businesses, but as Covid turned up, it became harder to follow up on some of these businesses, especially since some closed down. A lot of money spent on these items was just lost then. Jonny tried to get a refund for those lost items.

Months later, we get a statement from Jonny on the Discord

[ Hello @/everyone. Here's a long informational message on everything currently regarding Dial-Up, future things, this server, and myself. If I use we in this, I mean just me. 'What happened?' Or 'What's taking so long? So, originally as most know what had happened was that product times, both in general and during Covid, were far extended due to printing and producing delays. A little before this email, with most items I tried to support local, small businesses, but in doing they ended up closing their doors. After this, it had taken a while to get the money back, as I had to do so through the bank. At this point is was early 2021, and while I had a handful of items in my possession, I didn't yet have the rest of the money to ship out the items. After receiving some in my personal finances, I had put that toward shipping out as many orders as I could. It ended up not being enough for all orders, so I prioritized the smaller, lighter orders in order to get the most out. Currently, what remains are orders that include multiple items, collector's editions, or orders that contain items I just couldn't end up ordering due to the money. Since then, I had received a small portion more, as well as the money from the bank, which would let me finish mailing the orders out and refunding any items I cannot ship. I had received this money in the remaining few weeks of my senior year of high school, but while under heavy stress I made the personal decision to focus on graduating, rather than to continue balancing orders and school (similarly, I couldn’t use Discord for a long stretch of time for the same reason). After graduating, within a day my computer which I used to print labels, among other tasks, broke (no zine data or information is missing or corrupted, but I believe the graphics card is busted). Currently, I am working to replace that (which fixing it wouldn't affect shipping) and to find an alternative workspace until then to finish the orders. I'm expecting to figure out an alternative in the next week to ten days. A side note, someone in my personal messages had mentioned the Discord 'fuming since I went to Las Vegas,' which I'd also like to address since it seems important. The trip was a three day trip, travel being two, which I had not planned nor paid for. I was invited, I was covered by them, and I was not expecting it a few days beforehand. 

What Took So Long to Address It? The reason I took so long to address the current state is because as I was shipping out the other orders I had the constant belief that it wouldn't take too long until I could get the rest out, and that I should make an announcement after the fact on what happened, rather than a post that feels like an excuse on why it's still taking so long. I have continuously had the belief that shipping was just around the corner, and kept putting it off. I am addressing it now, as I am returning to Discord, to prevent the idea that I took the money and ran. I understand the circumstances make it look like that, and have the chance now to hopefully thwart that idea. The reason I am doing it as a conversation about the shipment continues is due to me being messages within the last hour by a few people, leading me to finally write this. The future of this Discord server After shipping Dial-Up completely out and refunded any missing items, I will be closing this server's doors. The reasons are not MSC or the servers members related, but due to me not likely not continuing to use Discord after finishing shipments. The server run being run by someone who can't represent the company feels wrong, as well as the fact I wouldn't be able to find a replacement. Basically, what you need to know is: • Orders are shipping as soon as I can find a computer to print labels (soon) • I am only making this announcement now because I constantly put it off in the past in hopes I could do it after shipment If you have any questions, concerns, comments, would like to initiate a refund, or just generally speak my DMs are open on multiple platforms. Discord included, but not preferred I still don't have all notifications back on for it. I'd prefer, but by all means not required, to be contacted through Instagram, which is Aperture102 ]

Then, complete radio silence again.

No new update on the Discord, nothing on social media.

The co-organizer let us know that they'd been left in the dark as to everything going on (if anything), so they left the Discord.

Another IRL friend of Jonny's came forward and let us know that they'd be willing to help Jonny with shipping what had been done already, especially since Jonny had apparently come up with a medical emergency recently. The work could be split again.

However.

Updates have been very, very slow. There's very little communication between Jonny and his friends/co-organizers, and even less with the Discord, and EVEN LESS with people who had bought the Zine and could be contacted through email. Last update of any kind from the friend was January 27, 2022.

Now, I don't know if you know this, but Mobius Strip Club was also involved in the Sidetracked Infinity Train zine, and. Well. History seems to repeat itself. The organizers are very aware of the issues IRT shipping and providing the items, they're doing whatever they can but... it's very hard to get ahold of Jonny lately.

This whole ramble might seem like a hit piece or something, but the situation is complicated and I'm extremely, EXTREMELY frustrated with what has happened, especially at the lack of communication on official channels (social media and email), as well as Jonny's lack of cooperation with people who were willing to work with him to see this project to the end.

I do know some people, who ordered only the zine, had gotten it (albeit sometimes in poor condition), or ordered only some merch had gotten it as well. However, everyone who had ordered specific items (that had never gotten produced) or those who ordered the Collector's edition (like me!) never got their products. It's also very hard to get ahold of a digital version of the zine, which by now should maybe be a given.

[the-green-maiden]

Supernatural Fair Fight Livestream Recap with timestamps

(based off of the notes I took while watching live. any errors are mine and not the fault of the cast or abrams)

21:01 Panel Starts. Misha introduces panel- Stacey Abrams, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padelecki, Erik Kripke, Berto the ASL interpreter.

21:02 Stacey Abrams talks about how she got into SPN. Talks about running for governor(?) in California(?), having trouble gathering support/campaign funds. On a particularly bad day, ends up watching SPN in her hotel room. Loves it, ends up watching the whole show after this. Quotes “Even if it’s hard we can’t stop” and “who else is going to do this” and talks about keeping going.

21:05 Kripke: “Wow”

Ackles: “That’s one of the most beautiful interpretations of what we do, how we tell the story.”

21:06 Kripke: “Grateful we could provide inspiration” 

21:07 JarPad: *reiterates above* joke about how “Kripke’s writing is questionable at best.”

21:08 Misha: “The reason we tell stories is to inspire people” creates an allegory about the ‘invisible enemy’ of voter suppression with the invisible enemy trope common in storytelling. “As we made the show, we were taking inspiration from [Abrams]”

21:09 Kripke asks Abrams to tell more about Fair Fight

21:09 Abrams talks about a secretary of state(?) [whose name I didn’t catch but who JPad refers to as ‘Lucifer”] who was in charge of voter registries in Georgia who wrongfully removed thousands of voters from lists, closed essential polling locations, and prevented people from voting, which disproportionately impacted POC and youth voters, and led to 8+ hour wait times in remaining locations. Abrams tells of how her and FF acted to fix this and change the whole system for the better. “If this becomes about politicians, no one is going to care, but when it becomes about people’s [list of basic rights and essential services]...” “...Patriotic belief that democracy means that if you’re eligible to vote, you get to be heard. Fair Fight is committed to ensuring that every voter in the US has the right to vote, and we are pretty good at it.”

21:16 Misha voices concerns about Trump’s attempts to make the 2020 vote counts seem unreliable.

21:17 Abrams gives an in-depth history of voter suppression in the US, committed by both parties at various times, including restrictions on mail-in votes, ID laws, and something about the voting rights act.

21:18 A bunch more panelists join in, including Jake Abel, Felicia Day, and a number of other SPN cast members.

21:19 Abrams says that in Texas a gun license is a valid id to vote, but a college id is not. “Everyone should get to participate, not just the chosen.” Mentions that she has not seen the final 3 episodes yet, request no spoilers until she logs out.

21:22 Kripke thanks Abrams for her political work.

21:22 Felicia Day says she was very excited to meet Abrams at Dragon Con.

21:33 Misha and Kripke try to move panel along to comply with Abrams limited time availability.

21:24 Rachel Miner “We all admire you [Abrams], you’re our hero.”

21:25 JPad gives a long speech thanking Abrams that was too fast to write down verbatim. “It’s important that everyone have their own voice” says it’s an honor to meet Abrams.

21:26 Bob Singer asks a question about Purdue(?) not showing up to a debate.

21:27 Abrams gives a detailed answer about swing states, swing voters, the lack of swing voters in Georgia, and the relatively small impact that Purdue(?) missing a debate would have on his numbers. Long speech about mail-in voting.

21:29 Sebastian Roche asks a question about run-off votes. Abrams answers.

21:30 Rachel Miner asks a question about voter registration descrimination against people w foreign names.

21:31 Abrams talks about how this has happened and what Fair Fight is doing to combat it, and how Fair Fight’s legal actions have managed to significantly reduce the amount of mail-in ballots thrown out for having difficult to understand names on them.

21:33 Shoshanna Stern thanks Abrams for her efforts in making voting more disability accessible.

21:34 Abrams answers, gives more info on the subject and the importance of having accessible voting locations.

21:36 Jim Beaver says it’s wonderful to be able to talk to Abrams, etc.

21:37 Abrams realizes her time has just about run out, and says thank yous and good byes. Mentions that tomorrow is her birthday. Multiple members of the cast wish her a happy birthday. More goodbyes from everyone, and thank yous to and from Abrams. Abrams exits call.

21:39 Kripke and Misha encourage people to donate to FF

21:41 Misha and Jensen rib each other, joke about an open bar.

21:41 Misha “Now we’re just going to waste your time for half an hour now that she’s gone”

21:42 Curtis Armstrong tells a short story about his mother, who was a voter activist in Detroit and Switzerland, and how nice it was to see Abrams talk.

21:43 Trivia intro. Multiple jokes made at the same time about state capitals.

21:44 Jim Beaver “When my kid was 7, I asked her the capital of Vermont and she said V”

21:44 Kripke asks semi-serious question about what JPad wore as protection in the ball-crusher Japanese game show scene in Changing Channels.

21:45 JPad “A thimble. A mini-thimble. No, a cup.” says something else about the cup.

21:46 Ackles “Our special effects team likes to go above and beyond”

21:46 JPad comments about real fear in that scene

21:46 Misha tries to get trivia back on track. “Without powers, what does Dean say Cas is?”

------[Baby in a trenchcoat]

“Other name of the Impala?”

Julie McNiven guesses “A special place”. Someone calls out “baby”

-----[Metallicar]

“Name of Sam and Jess’s friend who goes with them to the bar in the pilot?”

Even JPad, who was in the scene, does not know. Kripke comments that it was named after an irl friend of his from Tiuanna, named LUIS.

“5 works Kripke ripped off for SPN?”

Everyone guessing at once, including: Animal House, On The Road, Good Omens, Constantine, Star Wars, and several others.

“What herpes medication does Sam have to do a commercial for?”

[Herpexia]

21:52 JPad and Julie rib each other about herpes meds, and argue whether the term is prescription or subscription for medication. One of them brings up the example of having a subscription to dog food.

21:52 Jake Abel “What if your dog has herpes?”

Misha “I only hope that Stacey Abrams has tuned in”

Seb makes another joke about state capitals, then asks JPad the capital of Albania.

Jared has no idea, guesses ‘new albania’

Seb “Tirana” talks about having lived on a boat, presumably near Albania.

Rob Benedict: “Thanks for tuning in”

Bob Singer asks who knows the story of Seb getting a massage at VAncouver airport.

Jared (paraphrased) “We all fly through Vancouver airport a lot. Just past security there’s a massage place [with the chairs where you face the floor].” One day JPad and Ackles went through security and saw Seb getting a massage. They go over, convince the masseuse [who knows them all at this point] to let JPad take over. Seb does not notice, despite the fact that the masseuse is a small woman and JPad is holding his hands weird to try to make them smaller. JPad says he put his hands down Seb’s back and up his shirt, and Seb still did not notice, just making a noise and saying ‘very nice’. JPad gets as far as groping Seb’s ass before Seb notices anything is up. This is still the middle of a busy airport.

21:58 Seb “It was strangely sensual. Thank you, Robert, for bringing that up.” “I was perturbed for the whole flight back.”

Ackles “Another highbrow story”

Seb “It’s really fun being on that set. It really is” Claims they are also serious sometimes, to which there is laughter in response.

Ackles “It going to be like that on The Boys, Krip?”

Kripke “No massages to completion”

Seb “Wait there was no completion”

Krip “Saw photos of [Ackles’s] supersuit today”

Multiple jokes from several people about Ackle costume for The Boys being assless, crotchless, entirely made of paint, and cowboy-themed.

22:01 Misha “time for about 5 minutes of outtakes”

Someone jokes about adding ‘give Seb a massage’ as a donation tier.

Misha thanks the fans, says he loves and misses all the cast. Asks Rob B to sing.

22:02 Rob B “tune into my radio show” [for singing]

22:03 Misha announced that $225,000 has been raised for charity so far in the stream.

More thank yous from everyone to everyone, including the zoom team.

22:04 Seb “Vote out Mitch McConnel:

Jensen “Such as British accent to tell us who to vote for”

Seb “I’m half French half Scottish”

Jensen and Seb joke about scottish and french alcohols, and how they can’t be mixed.

22:05 Kripke thanks the fans for 15 years. Everyone else joins in on thanking fans for 15 years.

Jake Abel “There was a big gap in there for me somewhere”

Seb asks if Jake was in the first season.

22:06 Jake “3rd, 5, and 15”

Seb gives long thank you speech.

Jensen talks about how the cast is sticking together “This group is not being dispersed”...”I take comfort in knowing this” jokes that they’re stuck together whether they like it or not.

Misha “Like herpes”

Felicia “Genital or otherwise”

22:07 gag reel begins, including Misha’s ‘on-camera finger, Jensen falling off a chair “furniture could use some work”, Jensen failing to pick a lock for a very long time and Jared asking ‘Cas” to open it, Jensen saying ‘hail misha’ instead of ‘hail mary’, Misha failing to keep a straight face while looking at Alex Calvert, Jensen eating something too hot(?), and more that someone has probably already uploaded in full anyway.

21:13 stream ends.

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Dizzy’s Mood Boards of 2020

Honestly I figured out the perfect way to end 2020 and that’s by posting all of my favourite mood boards from this year! Y’all know I LOVE adding them to my fics for a bit of pizazz so let’s review some of them!

Note: This is just for a bit of fun, not in anyway meant to toot my own horn, I just love colourful, fun things and I add these because I hope you all do as well! They’re 110% meant as a fun way to spice up the writing and nothing more!

So, without further ado...

1. Everything, Everywhere | The Mikaelson Boys

Let’s start with my favourite! Honestly I just love blue and gold and something about this makes me want to run away?? I mean that was the whole point of this fic so, well, that worked out extremely well??? I swear I just mess around with Pinterest aesthetics and hope for the best! I do like this one though, it gives me beauty and the beast vibes. :)

2. I Need You | The Mikaelson Boys

I added this as my second favourite because if you look at the picture of the fire station it says “Fire Station 32”. Well I wrote this fic before I even made the mood board- I always do that because I never know where the story will go- but when I was looking up aesthetics for the board I stumbled across that picture and almost had a full blown heart attack. In my story I mention they’re at station 32. I have no idea why my subconscious picked that number but I rolled with it, only to stumble across that picture without even searching for it specifically. I was like no way it worked out this perfectly??? I swear sometimes I forget I was raised in a family of mediums and that made me smile when it happened. Literally added this just to say that there’s magic and energy everywhere, even in the little things.

3. Bubblegum Princess, Cherry Angel | Kai Parker

This is my newest one and I just love how soft it is and the way Kai’s face and the angel are facing the same way. It kinda makes me feel like he’s looking at her and she’s just so lost in her little bubblegum world that she can’t see how he sees her. It’s full of longing and sweetness, both things he’s not used to but deserves in my opinion. The way the quotes seem like they could be one makes me happy. I also love the kinda retro vibe?? I mean baby is from the 80′s and it all just came together so nicely!

4. The Daughter of Aphrodite | Leo Valdez

It’s just so colourful! I really have nothing more to say, I just loved how sweet and summery it came out! It matches the vibe of the fic perfectly, from the lemonade to the muddy hands to Leo’s brown eyes. It was *chefs kiss* perfecto! This was also a milestone fic; my first third person! I adore it! :)

5. What Am I | Kol Mikaelson

I like this one specifically for how the white and red contrast in the corners. It’s super symmetrical and the color scheme came out so well. I love the quotes, I think they’re perfect for Kol. This is one of my latest boards and I like comparing my first boards to my last ones because I can really see where I’ve improved! That’s another reason why I’m doing this, to show how even in small ways we have all improved this year and each little moment of growth is amazing.

6. Little Witch | The Mikaelson Boys

This one was especially special to me. My twin had made me watch all the Harry Potter movies with him and I had this idea while watching the fourth movie. I’m a Hufflepuff and I just honestly thought it was cute; the yellow and black contrast super well. I think when I don’t know what to do I try to create a focal point and the yellow scarf was perfect. Also can we talk about Klaus’ smile???

7. Best Friend Things | Kol Mikaelson

I really only like this one because it’s a good picture of Kol. I remember what I was trying to do and I think I hit the mood marginally well; a touch retro but full of tainted youth and troubled sweetness. The quote is one of my favourites of all times though: “It’s been very rare to have known you, very strange and wonderful.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald. I think it fit the fic and him perfectly.

8. “So that’s how you want to play this, love?” | The Mikaelson Boys

That picture of Kol makes me feel too many things. So does the one of the suit sleeves. I am truly a glutton for making myself pine after things I cannot have. Honestly, though, I really liked the contrast of the black and white and the orange. It fit very well with the theme I was going for- like bottling up all your emotions and then just exploding. Also the text was funny and fit too well. It’s straight up the exchange in the fic.

9. Big Decisions | The Mikaelson Boys 

I like this for many reasons but the most important of which is the contrast between the guys and the flurry of the ball. They’re shrouded in black but everything around them- especially her- is colourful; full of life and warmth and movement. The bottom left picture has my whole heart. I didn’t envision this ball as an Austen inspired, 1700′s ball but I can admit I like the idea. I would love to experience the movement of that second last image; champagne in your veins, your vision a tad blurry, and being twirled by a handsome man- or three!

10. Come Back | The Mikaelson Boys

I just wanted to point out a few things from this one. I really liked how it came out with Kol and Klaus looking one way and Elijah looking the other way and how he’s the only one smiling. I liked the orange, fiery contrast to the rest of the pictures; like the hot water from the fic. I also think this is another one where the quotes just really fit the circumstance. I wrote this when I was in this really low, heartbroken state. It’s actually about an ex of mine- not dead, just feels that way sometimes- and this helped me all pool how I felt together. 

So there we have it, some of my 2020 mood boards. I hope you enjoyed!

[cloudyskywars]

Back to December is about Anakin and Obi-Wan and here’s 2,000 words why

So there I was, listening to Back to December, you know, as one does. And then I nearly started crying because this is without a doubt an Anakin and Obi-Wan song. I roped my friend @renegadeontherunn into doing a full song analysis with me. The whole analysis is based from Anakin singing this to Obi-Wan immediately after the events of Return of the Jedi. So everyone’s a Force Ghost, and feelings ensue. Enjoy the angst! 

The analysis will be below the cut, because as I said, it’s approximately 2,000 words. 

I'm so glad you made time to see me/ How's life? Tell me, how's your family?/ I haven't seen them in a while - Obi-Wan’s family was the Jedi. And Anakin has spent the past twenty five years hunting down the Jedi, eliminating them one by one. And now that he’s one with the Force, he’s gotta be wondering, “Are the other Jedi here too?” because he may not have realized it, but they were his family as well. I’m just imagining Anakin asking Obi-Wan where everyone else is, and Obi-Wan having to tell him that not everyone stayed with the Force the way that he and Yoda did.  

Your guard is up and I know why- Obi-Wan’s guard probably wasn’t up, but Anakin would expect it to be. He rightfully feels guilty, and probably expects Obi-Wan to hate him and not trust him anymore. 

Because the last time you saw me/ Is still burned in the back of your mind - on Mustafar, Anakin literally burning, the image no doubt haunting Obi-Wan ever since. In Obi-Wan’s 20 years on Tatooine, how many times do you think he replayed that memory in his mind? You were my brother Anakin, I loved you/I hate you. (grouped with previous two lines)

So this is me swallowin' my pride- Anakin as a Force Ghost, standing in front of Obi-Wan. He’s asking, begging for forgiveness, even though he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Anakin was always prideful for a Jedi, and this is him humbling himself and asking for Obi-Wan’s forgiveness (for so many things; Order 66, turning to the dark side, killing the Jedi, killing him)

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night - the night Anakin fell to the Dark Side, their fight on Mustafar, and also probably the last 20+ years of him as a Sith and causing so much death and destruction. He’s sorry for so much, but especially that night when everything went wrong. 

And I go back to December all the time - he revisits that battle in his mind constantly, still hating Obi-Wan as Vader, but feeling deep (deep deep) down, an enormous sense of regret and guilt, and especially at the end when he reunites with Obi-Wan

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you - We see in Episode 2 that Anakin feels that Obi-Wan is constantly holding him back, preventing him from reaching his full potential (feelings no doubt put there by Palpatine) Once he turns to the Dark Side, he believes he is stronger than ever, (“I’m stronger than the Emperor, I can overthrow him.”)and so most likely feels “free” from Obi-Wan and the duty of being a Jedi. But we know that he learned, eventually, that all the Dark Side brings is loneliness and despair. “It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith — because now yourself is all you will ever have.” 

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine - Anakin spent much of his time as Obi-Wan’s Padawan feeling less than and like he was never good enough for Obi-Wan. Then, when he finally became a Knight, he still felt held back by the Jedi. In reality, he had a substantial support system there waiting for him, ready to help him, that he never realized existed. He had the tools and the people he needed to be a successful Jedi and to have a happy life and to stay in the Light, but he didn’t use them. And now he’s wishing he had. That he’d recognized his and Obi-Wan’s friendship when he’d had it.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright- Can you IMAGINE the regret Anakin is feeling right now? After 25 years of being the terror of the galaxy, Darth Vader, he has finally returned from the dark and knows all the bad things he’s done, and now recognizes that they were bad things. He slaughtered younglings, helped strike down the remaining Jedi, even took away the clones’ free will. Just imagining the pure regret that he must be feeling at this moment. 

These days, I haven't been sleepin' - REVENGE OF THE SITH ANYONE??? We know for a fact due to the Matthew Stover novelization of ROTS that Anakin was getting almost no sleep during the events of the movie. I believe when he Fell he had been without sleep for,,,, at least three days? (I think it was five but I’m not sure)  Anakin please take a nap. Nightmares!!! But also, as Vader, I’m pretty sure Anakin doesn’t actually need to sleep or at least doesn’t need a ton of it, so again he’s literally not sleeping and only sustaining himself on the Dark Side.

Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin'- Do you think- do you ever think that during his time as Darth Vader, he would constantly replay those days when everything fell apart in his head? I’m specifically thinking about the scene where he marches on the Jedi Temple. Granted, in that scene, he isn’t leaving, per say. He’s returning home, but it is no longer the place he calls home. I imagine that scene playing on repeat in his mind, because that’s the moment that he passed the point of no return. Before that, yes, he had already screwed up, big time. But he hadn’t crossed the line yet, I don't think. 

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times- At this moment I’m sure he’s feeling loads and loads of guilt and regret, as discussed above. But I can’t help but think he’s also thinking about the good times he shared with Obi-Wan and Padme. (Padme specifically because of summer and Naboo for that one good week, where they fell in love and it was beautiful.) And although his relationship with Obi-Wan was strained near the end (and eventually fell apart) there were good times, times that they both cherished. During his time as Darth Vader, he probably looked back on those memories with hate. But now that he’s Anakin again, he is probably remembering those times fondly.

I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side- [insert gif of Obi-Wan smiling in the speeder] 

And realized I loved you in the fall - in the Fall. This could be for either Anakin or Obi-Wan. There must’ve been a part of Anakin that knew he was lying when he shouted “I hate you!” and felt happy when Obi-Wan said he loved him. And for Obi-Wan, he knew he loved Anakin, he had just never said it to him before. The only time he did was when Anakin had Fallen and was dying. And he probably regretted that with every piece of himself during his exile on Tatooine. 

And then the cold came, the dark days - There are so many instances where Palpatine is connected with the cold, with darkness, with everything that is the opposite of the Jedi and, more importantly, of Obi-Wan. The darkness referred to here is the Dark Side, when it became overwhelming and Anakin fell.

When fear crept into my mind - Anakin’s already-intense fears of never being good enough or Obi-Wan not reciprocating Anakin’s love were intensified and heightened by Palpatine’s influence and him planting even more fear and doubt into Anakin’s head. This fear and this doubt in his friendship with Obi-Wan was ultimately one of the reasons he fell. Yes, it was his fear for Padme’s life that really did him in. Anakin was known as “The Hero With No Fear.” But there at the end, he became a person full of fear, and as we know: “Fear is the path to the dark side … fear leads to anger … anger leads to hate … hate leads to suffering.”

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye -Again, this is Anakin finally realizing that Obi-Wan did love him, that he was a good Master for him, and it was Anakin who hadn’t seen it, who had betrayed him. There is a quote from the book Lords of the Sith in which Vader acknowledges his betrayal of everyone he loved. Palpatine: “‘You were a traitor, were you not, Lord Vader?... To the Jedi. To Padme. To Obi-Wan. To all those you loved.’ Vader: Vader did not know the answer his Master wanted to hear, so he simply answered with the truth. ‘Yes.”’

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind- Talking about guilt, again. Without a doubt, Anakin would go back to where it all went wrong if he could. He wouldn’t turn, he’d save Padme, he’d do everything differently if he could.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile/ So good to me, so right- Obi-Wan was so good to him. Obviously in a platonic sense. But Obi-Wan was the best Master for Anakin, and you can’t change my mind. Even if they had a rough start and maybe Obi-Wan should have had some time to recover from his Master dying before he took on his Padawan of his own, but I digress. He did the best he could with Anakin, and was most likely far more patient and understanding than other Jedi Masters would have been. Of course at the time, Anakin did realize this and only resented Obi-Wan. Hindsight is 2020, and Anakin would have only realized after everything went down how good Obi-Wan was to him. 

And how you held me in your arms that September night/ The first time you ever saw me cry - This one doesn’t exactly fit because apparently Anakin and Obi-Wan never hug in canon and that is a crime (Filoni and Lucas I’m coming for you). But I am pointedly ignoring canon and choosing to believe that when things got really hard or bad, (after Satine died, maybe even after Ahsoka left the Order) they hugged. Maybe it was a sad hug, the kind where one of them breaks down in tears and the other just holds them as they cry. But I am confident that they have hugged, so this line applies to them. Fight me on it, I dare you. (I’m kidding but only partially) 

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right - After realizing how wrong he was in becoming Vader and how his relationship with Obi-Wan wasn’t one-sided, and especially after seeing the pure, selfless love of Luke, which ultimately brings him back to the Light, Anakin is no doubt thinking of the millions of ways he could’ve done better. He wants Obi-Wan to know how sorry he is and that, yes it took him all these years, but he’s learned his lesson. If he could do it all again, which he probably wants to, he would do it right this time. He swears to himself (and to Obi-Wan) that if he just gets this second chance, he’ll do everything right. 

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't- Anakin knows he can’t go back and fix everything, no matter how much he may want to. All he can do is ask, beg, even, for Obi-Wan’s forgiveness

So if the chain is on your door, I understand - the metaphorical chain isn’t on Obi-Wan’s door, of course, he’d always welcome Anakin back. He wanted nothing more than to see Anakin succeed as a Jedi and be happy, and so of course he’s ready to see Anakin again, to forgive him. But still, Anakin doubts Obi-Wan’s love and his own worth and braces himself to be rejected, even though Obi-Wan’s arms are open. (this might be niche but think: doctor who, “You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”)

And, that’s it! If you read this entire thing, Fiona and I love you from the bottom of our hearts. As you can tell, we feel a lot of things about this song, and hope you enjoyed our analysis! 

[karliesbuzzcut]

So I don’t know how you guys feel about the ‘Realistic Kaylor Timeline’ that’s been doing the rounds on this corner of the internet. I’m guessing some of you might feel conflicted, others might strongly disagree with some parts of it - but do not worry. I’m here to tell you how to feel about it: you love it. Because it’s mandatory to love anything that can get such a feral reaction out of TTB.

Today I’m bringing you

Top 7 Moments from TTB vs. Swiftiesleuth 2020

Fair wairning: I’m going to be very biased - I’ve not made my adoration for @swiftiesleuth a secret at all.

1. TTB’s grand entrance. LLLLLET’S GET READY TO TUMBLRRRRR!

Her disjointed sentences already let you know she’s a bit shaken “FAKE NEWS! The author admits they do not have inside knowledge like I do! I have all the inside knowledge, they only have outside knowledge, which ew - it’s muddy outside, and there’s bugs.”

2. Married people don’t ‘bonk’ - they make respectful and dignified love to each other. Preferably from opposite sides of the room.

My favourite was definitely when she said “if you’re a queer woman then you should really think about how you talk”. I vote for unpacking this one.

That ‘if’ - because of course, TTB has to perform a background check on you before she allows you to join The Gays.

That ‘should’. Please, TTB, complete that thought for us. Why is it that, as a queer woman, swiftiesleuth should do something in particular? You are not implying that she has to be especially careful about her words because she’s queer, right? I mean, you wouldn’t 😱 you’re a Social Justice Warrior after all.

TTB doesn’t like to be called “dude” either:

Which is why I suggest we all start calling her ‘Our Dude’. She will be our collective dude. And we can all be her little Dudes! It’ll be delightful, I’m telling ya.

3. In the year of our lord 2020, TTB decides it’s a good idea to pull the “I can’t be racist; my best friend is black” - but make it Jewish.

On this one I want to take a bit of a more serious tone, so I’ll limit myself to only one fart joke. I had no idea there were circumstances in which you couldn’t say you ‘converted’ to Judaism. I genuinely love that this seemingly silly passtime of mine actually teaches me new things. Now, I’m going to take a wild-ass guess and say TTB didn’t know that either... but more on this coming up.

Right now, let’s all rejoice at her choice of saying “I have facts” and right afterwards “Kaylor is likely already married”.

Kaylor, the sole entity, is married.

4. TTB tells herself “You know what? I haven’t been racist enough today”

At this point, TTB has become a cautionary tale about what happens to a person when they get married to an idea. It’s genuinely scary for me to think that my brain could trick me to such an extent that I could no longer process information that contradicts my beliefs. Just imagine it, there’s something about someone else’s religion that doesn’t make sense to you, and you decide to draw your conclusions from there. Okay, cool. Then someone from said religion explains that thing that didn’t make sense. And your reaction isn’t “oh, I maybe I should think about that, this person clearly knows more than me about this particular subject”. No. Your reaction instead is “I am entitled to my beliefs”

ISN’T THAT TERRIFYING!?

But more importantly... Isn’t that fucking racist? Wait... what? You are saying that isn’t racist enough? You think TTB should’ve also said that people don’t get to be offended by a word ‘only because it has been used as a slur in the past’? And then suggest to the person who asked her not to use that word - a person who is directly affected by that kind of bigotry - to get a dictionary? Nooo, come on, that’d be overkill. We are not trying to build a cartoon villain here!

5. Whaler and TTB are disappointed parents.

Truly emps, how dare you have a mind of your own. We raised you better than that!

I loooove that this day and age a fucking reblog means unconditional support to the author of the post... I’d watch that Black Mirror episode.

6. Both swiftiesleuth & TTB leave the chat with a motherfucking BANG.

I thought that I had hit comedy nirvana when Swiftiesleuth asked if her LGBTQ flavour bothered TTB and I thought no way in hell would TTB respond to that. BUT SHE DID. Aren’t you glad to be alive to witness that? “I have no knowledge of your flavour” she says. Well, TTB, I have no knowledge of Swiftiesleuth’s flavour either, but I’m working on fixing that *double winky face*

BUT TTB was like “talking about someone’s flavour isn’t hilarious enough, let’s leave this conversation with my best material”. And reminded us all of the percentage of black people she has working for her. I wonder if she decided to do the maths right after assembling her team or after she realised she could use it as an argument. Either way, super normal behaviour.

Also, also. I’d love to know what she considers a minority “well... Gerald has a pet snake... that should bring my minority percentage up by a couple points”

7. Special guests!

You wouldn’t be able to tell by how late to the party I was, but this was a big event here on Tumblr. Everybody was there... I’m told. Because I already feel like I’ve been working on this post for the past decade, I’ll keep it short and cute.

In one corner we have whaler and swift-79,

Obligatory bulletpoint list about all the things I loved about this post:

It wasn’t enought that TTB questioned swiftiesleuth’s queerness. Whaler said “fuck it - I’m questioning this bitch’s name as well” “Nat?” “you don’t look like a Nat” “but if you insist on identifying yourself as a Nat...” “I’ll put it in air quotes though”

I’m sorry... “If we are judging from pictures”? Isn’t that all that Kaylors do in 2020? No. No. I’m sorry. You guys also have emojis, sorry!

“Even Enty has questions about his sexuality” 😱 What? Enty? A blog dedicated to posting a constant stream of celebrity gossip once said that someone, somewhere, might be gay? No! 😱

I think swiftiesleuth was accused again of working for Scooter? Conspiracy Theorists are so adorably predictable, every time anyone disagrees with them (worse if that person seems to have done some research) somebody has to yell “they’re working for the enemy!”

Anyway, time for our final guest: the lovely @youlooklikebadnews , who I could’ve asked to write this whole post for me because they definitely did a better job than me at summarising the whole thing. But not only that, they were lucky enough to get a response from TTB.

...At this point I’m fairly certain that I’ll get invited to a Secret Session before TTB ever acknowledges my existence.

Doesn’t this read like what the villain says at the end of a shitty movie? Teasing a sequel and everything?

“You have not seen the last of TTB! I’ll be back with more proof and no copyright issues! KARLIE AND TAYLOR WILL RISE! Then you will see! YOU WILL ALL SEE!”

*flourishes cape and disappears into the night*

[tehohaews]

2020 CREATOR WRAP: FAVORITE WORKS

 Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

Thank you soooo much Nuria @taytawan for tagging me 🥺💖and ignore how late this is oops

Okay so 2020 is the year that I returned to “the internet” and I’m grateful cause otherwise I wouldn’t get to know all of you lovely people.Thank you for existing and making me feel like I belong somewhere 💖💖 So, along with my works I'm also gonna mention some of my favorite people and their works here and If you’ve ever made me smile you’re here and I love you <3

@snugglesweaters  Terryyyyyyy. My closest friend here 🥺 I’ve never told you this but if it wasn’t for you,I doubt I would’ve lasted this long here. It's nice knowing someone as clueless and a clown like me. I can talk to you about anything and I feel like we have similar views on stuffs.I love making random references to fics and knowing that you’ll get it cause we kind of read the same fics. I love this tine glitter fic of yours (yes tine glitter fic), obviously this cause (vampire) bright in a beanie AND the coffee shop au hc that only I know about hehe. I love your (almost) phd brain and hope you’re doing well in your dissertation. YOU CAN DO IT DW. And may you stay healthy,hydrated,safe and happy in the coming year 😊💖 I love you soooooooo muchhhhhhh 💖💖💖

@lesbian-earn Mayyyyy!!!. My co president of the short people supremacy club. You are so sweet and kind and thank you for reaching out to me that one day I was feeling a bit anxious.It’s always lovely to see you on my activity and on the dash. Like I once said, you remind me of sunshine and ilu 💖💖 Hope that the next year is kind to you and you’ll do well in your uni stuffs dw, I know you can.💖 Also I’ve said this before but i looooveeee this fic of yours and when I found out it was you dfjidfjidfidf

@taytawan Nuriaaaaaaa 💖💖 You say that I’m kind but it’s always because you are so sweet and talented that I can’t help screaming about your works everytime I see them. If I’m not mistaken, the name Nuria comes from the word Nur meaning light. You make the world brighter and a better place by your presence and I’ve said this before but really, it would’ve been very lonely without you in this 2g circus. I love these two sets of yours (I mean I did write an essay in the tags when I saw this) .Thank you for everything, I love you and I hope that you remain safe and happy in the coming year 💖💖 (Also join mine and May's short people club,Terry isn't invited ofc jdjsdjasjij)

@brightwinfilm NATH efhifhihis my (almost) birthday twin. LISTEN we’re gonna have so much fun in March, 1) Itsay part 2 AND your birthday 2)Sarawat’s birthday 3) My birthday and 4)since we’re here let’s just say Tine’s birthday is in March too hehehe. Thank you for all the lovely sarawatine and brightwin content you make, they never fail to make me smile.I love this set of yours and this also cause hehehe i WILL bring this back muhahhaa.You’re a wonderful person and you make the world a better place. Take care of yourself and I hope that you are always happy,healthy and safe 💖 i love youuu

@ryudian​ My go to person when I need any updates. You are SO HELPFUL and so NICE. I love going to your blog and seeing your st dolls and all the crazy stuffs you do because of bw. And I absolutely loved what you did with the oishi drinks here. May you be happy and safe in the coming year and stop spending so much money on merch I'm worried you'll go bankrupt

@komari-maxx​ I love seeing you on my activity and I love your st dolls and fics, specially this fruity4 one cause sdhididhid you included my hc of them arguing over the colour on lunch.This totally happened no one can change my mind. Hope you'll be happy (with your st dolls hehe) in the coming year

@teh-ohaew *tarn voice* Eyy TAY djidjijid hehe oops. Tay and Teh sound so similar specially in tarn's voice. Omg Teh Tay besties. TAYYYYY I love youuuu and I love reading your tags and seeing you on my dash except when you and Ayesha go crazy sdhusdh hehe jk. You are so nice and I love this sarawatine ig hc of yours. Hope you have a lovely year ahead and remain happy,healthy and safe. Don't forget to take care of yourself (by that I mean listen to the itsay original score on repeat)

@metawin JAYYYYY. I still remember the first time I came across your blog, it was when you were (probably) rewatching wyel and blogging about it crazily. I was laughing so hard at those and then you followed me back and I still to this day have no idea why. It's comforting seeing your posts in the tags and the dash and I absolutely love this itsay set of yours. You are so talented and lovely and I hope that you have a wonderful year ahead. Lots of love <3333

@gremlinmetawin Ayesha bb 🥺🥺 You were the first person who interacted with me here and I love you for that. It's lovely seeing you in my dash and thank you for tagging me in tag games, I have fun doing them 💖💖 tbh I know like 3 Ayeshas irl but you are the loveliest and kindest of them all. Hope that the next year is kind to you,bring you happiness and you finally finish all those unwatched shows

@khaotungthanawat SAMMMMM Have I said that you are SO TALENTED this week? although tbh you deserve to hear that everyday. You always say that it's nothing but no, you ARE talented and kind. It's wonderful seeing your posts ( I feel like you're everywhere nowadays another proof that you work hard). You are a blessing to this world and I hope for you to be always happy and safe 💖💖.I love this st set, this itsay one and the tags of this post 😂😂 I will never not laugh at this.If this doesn't happen in the st special special askdkdsks 

@metawwin ALIIIIIIIII, queen of parallels djijidjias. I love going through your blog and seeing all your 2g stuffs.I absolutely adore this set of yours. You are so talented and you make the world a happier place <3 I love youuuuu and I hope you're staying hydrated,taking care of yourself and doing the things you love. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world 💖💖

@wirapong AISHIIIIII Hope you're doing well. I've screamed about this already BUT this club drama fic? lives in my head rent free. Also I love all your soft baby wat fics cause WAT IS A BABY. Glad we have Tine as the President of the Sarawat protection squad. I love your writing. you're so talented and I hope that the coming year will bring you happiness <33

@acequinz Hi Ace!! I love your incorrect quotes sideblog and I love your fics, specially this, this and this. You're a lovely person and I hope that you have a wonderful year ahead.

@bisexualrep DORAAAA We haven't talked in a while but I smile whenever I see you in my activities. You are maybe the 4th person who followed me here and it still feels weird cause this and this? some of my fav wyel fics of all time. It's lovely reading your tags, they are so cheerful <3 Hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself. You deserve to be happy always 💖💖

Omg this is so long. If you're still here, here are some of the works that I'm proud of. 1)This itsay set. This was my first time doing big gifs and although this is loooong I like how this turned out, specially the colouring. 2) This cause do I do anything except 2g shitposting? No <3 I had this idea even before s2g aired but decided to wait so that I have more shots from s2g and I'm glad I did cause Earn basically got confirmed as a wlw so (Also special thanks to Terry cause the Man and Air hc were hers,her phd brain ikr) 3)This cause dcjsdjidi SARAWATINE SOULMATES. I love how the colouring turned out despite the fact that ps crashed halfway and I lost the gifs i spent 2 hours colouring. I tried to do this with scenes from the series only but couldn't cause wHen YoU aRe wItH yOuR cAmeRA SHOW US goddammit. If this was ao3 this would've been tagged as Tine teepakorn loves Sarawat guntithanon xD 4) Still2gether textposts obviously. I KNOW that 90% people follow me for my 2g shitposting and I got an ask once saying how were they so accurate and the reason for that is I spent HOURS on these. Atfirst it took a long time but after a while I got the hang of it. It was fun (though sometimes tiring) to make these after each ep aired. I'm proud of it and the fact that I managed to do 13 parts? gsjsdjsj 5) Still2gether subs that looks fake but aren't. shutup this was my first time giffing but it was funnnnn looking for the (canon) crack parts after every ep aired. 

Also,thank you to all the lovely people who likes and reblogs my posts, I do see you and I love you all <33 

Tagging: If you’re here then consider yourself tagged if you wanna do this or to anyone who sees this on the dash

[englandsgray]

Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30.  I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes.  The kiss is British television history.  Series 4 is my favourite.  Moriarty on the beach is life.  The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this.  I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms?  I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees.  Oh yes.  Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing.  So far so random!  Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown.  I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly.  That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.  

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge?   Thank you, firstly.  My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful.  I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of.  But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast.  I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it.  But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!       

What’s your favourite place and way to write?  My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous!  I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.   

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go?  Did you outline/plot in advance?  First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots!  The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage.  At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB.  Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!)  As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone!  I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end.  I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting.  I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases.  How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work?  I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience.  Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods.  I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach.  I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on.  Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.) 

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice.  That said, which character do you find easiest to write?  Which is the hardest?  Thank you so much.  I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style!  I find Molly and her POV really difficult.  I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me.  I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly?  The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards.  I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like.  I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’.  Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it?  Thank you!  Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for.  I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family.  This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street.  I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible.  I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that.  It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it.  But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will... 

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist?  What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing.  It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently.  Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time.  The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.  

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe!  Blame the zoom exercise class I do!  But oh my goodness, it’s Molly.  Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon.  Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons.  This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

X

A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works

[waywardfangirl]

Both @captain-aralias and @palimpsessed ​did really nice posts to share their fics from this year as well as their thoughts on what they wrote, and I enjoyed reading their posts (and their fics!) so much that I thought I would take them up on their open invitation to do one too! I’m a big believer in keeping lists of your accomplishments to look at on days when self-doubt creeps in, so I encourage anyone else who might be interested to do this too! (All the questions are copied from @captain-aralias)

List of Completed Fics this year:

I wrote ten fics this year, as well as starting a ton of WIPs, which is amazing to me, considering I have only written fic once before in my life!

Slow - General, 3k

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore - Teen, 28k

Promises - General, 3k

A Privilege to Love You - Teen, 7k

Early Riser - General, >1k

Write This Down - General, 3k

As You Wish - Teen, 13k

The View from the Veranda - General, 4k

Down By The Sea - General, 2k

Just Want You to Know Who I Am - General, 1k (written in 2020, posted in 2021)

Total: 10 fics, 67k words, 100% Snowbaz

Pretty good for what is truly the first year that I have been an active participant in fandom!

Questions answered below the cut.

Best/worst title?

A Privilege to Love You is my favorite title, because I think the line is just so sweet, and it makes my heart melt.

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is definitely my worst title, because that was just the placeholder name I gave the WIP, but then I got so used to it I forgot to change it to something better before posting. I still cringe a bit at that one.

Best/worst summary?

l am horrifically indecisive, so I have a few summaries that I like. Just Want You To Know Who I Am is short and sweet, and I think it conveys exactly what I want it to:

Baz is fine. He's fine. Everything is fine. (It just isn't.)

~A fic about being loved in all the little ways~

But I also really liked the quotes I pulled for The View from the Veranda, As You Wish, and A Privilege to Love You.

Early Riser also has a summary that I let break my heart:

Baz wakes up early now, even though Simon doesn’t.

I does very little to convey what the fic is about, but after reading the fic it hurts like I wanted it to, sooo.....

I think that Promises has the worst summary though:

Inspired by the song "Promises" from the musical Hadestown.

Simon and Baz have spent the last three years working on themselves and on their relationship. Now it's time for their next step together.

Best/worst first line?

Baz says it best to open The View from the Veranda:

I am not a man accustomed to enduring want.

However, Simon deserves an honorable mention for starting us off right in As You Wish:

Baz is such a prick.

As for worst opening lines, I don’t really think I have any. I have some that stand better as an opening paragraph than an opening line, but I place a lot of importance on the first line of a story, so I like to make sure all mine are strong.

Best/worst last line?

I am not going to spoil any last lines for anyone (I cover up the last page of books when I read to reveal it slowly, word by word, so I take last lines seriously!), but I will say that As You Wish has an adorably predictable last line that I love.

For worst last line, I have to say Slow. I liked the line itself when I wrote it, but then I learned later that people were interpreting it in a more steamy way than what I had intended, and because I feel like Slow is such an innocent fic and really highlights how important it is for Simon to not be rushed into every decision he makes, I don’t like that it sounds like he and Baz rushed into something else. (I just meant that they talked and maybe kissed a bit! That’s it!)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

On December 31st, 2019, I was pet sitting when I came across a prompt for a Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement Snowbaz AU. I impulsively started to write, even though I had only written one other fic in my life (Check, Please!), and I had never written Snowbaz before. I kind of thought that maybe I would write one fic and that would be all, and that maybe one fic is all I would ever write, but I am so happy to have been wrong about that! I wrote way more than I could have predicted, and I even did NaNoWriMo! (I failed NaNoWriMo too, and I’m okay with that, because I want writing to be something I do for fun, not something that stresses me out.)

As a fun side note, Carry On is a fandom that I have returned to many times in my life, and it seems to have a special place on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day for me. I was given Fangirl as a Christmas present, and started reading it on New Year’s Eve, only to finish it and realize that the new year had arrived while I was engrossed in the book. I have spent multiple New Year’s Eves since engrossed in a reread of the book, or reading fic, and so it feels really fitting that I got into properly writing fic for Carry On as the year turned over.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Literally all of this was unexpected, as I never planned on writing any more fic, but I think I am most surprised to have written multiple songfics. I never read many songfics, and didn’t often care for them, but I wrote Promises off of the song from Hadestown, Write This Down off of George Strait’s song, and then Just Want You to Know Who I Am because Caity got the Goo Goo Dolls stuck in my head.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

My favorite might actually be my most popular, so I’ll go with my close second favorites (it’s a tie)

A Privilege to Love You is a soulmate au, and those are my favorite things ever. I also received some of the best feedback on this one, and I feel like I did a lot of things that worked really well in this fic.

The View from the Veranda is just so wonderful for me though, it combines my love of history with absolute silliness for a friend (I love you Liz!!!), @krisrix did some INCREDIBLE art for it, and I just had so much fun writing it.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

As You Wish was the most popular, hands down, with more hits, kudos, comments, and bookmarks than any other fic I wrote. It’s also the fic of mine that I reread the most, because it makes me so happy and I love all the silly moments.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is probably the answer here. This isn’t entirely backed up by metrics, since it does have more hits and kudos than some of my other fics, but for how long it is and the work that went into it, I think it only got a portion of the attention I was hoping it would. That’s mostly my fault though! It was the first fic I wrote for this fandom, and so I have definitely grown as a write since! Additionally, while I feel like it has a lot of great moments and fantastic lines, I have some lackluster bits too, and it really suffered from not having a beta (I was too shy to ask anyone back then). It’s also an AU of a movie that isn’t as widely viewed as I previously thought, so that didn’t help either, and as I already said, this fic could have a much better title.

All that aside though, the people who have read and talked to me about this fic have really seemed to like it, so I’m glad that I did right by my fellow Princess Diaries 2 fans! (and all of the wonderful people who read it and commented nice things having never seen the movie, y’all rock!)

Story that could have been better?

Everything I wrote before asking someone to beta. I just talked about what I would improve in We’re Not In Genovia Anymore, but Promises could use some work too. Having a few wonderful friends help me edit my fics has really improved what I post!

Sexiest story?

Oh gosh, I am not someone who writes sexy things.

Having said that, The View from the Veranda was written in the style of a bodice ripper, so I think that makes it the sexiest story by default. Kris’s art also enhances its sex appeal by at least 200% (I laughed out loud when I was making the list at the start of this post, because I had entirely forgotten that fic is rated G - honestly, that tells you everything you need to know about me, my romance novel fic can be read by children haha) (I might give it a T rating at some point, just because I feel like it should have that)

**I just remembered the bonus chapter for As You Wish.... that might be the sexiest thing I’ve written haha 🤣

Saddest story?

Early Riser - I am a big believer in giving everyone who deserves it a happy ending, but this one is just an interlude of sadness and depression without any resolution in sight.

(If you read it though, please know that in my head they do get therapy and things do get better! Snowbaz always has a happy ending in my fics, even if I don’t write it out fully)

Most fun?

As You Wish - this one to me feels like the happy chaos of running and sliding around a big house in stocking feet, and I don’t have a better way to describe it than that. There’s a tiny bit of angst from Baz, and a little bit of panic from Simon, but I was smiling and having so much fun while writing this fic, and I really think it comes across.

Story with single sweetest moment?

A Privilege to Love You - I’ll let you decide which of the many sweet moments is actually the sweetest ❤

Hardest story to write?

Promises, no question about it. I had written two fics by that point, and people had been so nice, and some of you lovely folks had even started tagging me in WIP Wednesday posts and in Six Sentence Sunday posts, but I felt like I had no inspiration left and I kept worrying that I wouldn’t be able to write again. So, I forced myself to write something, and it felt like pulling teeth (and it honestly wasn’t very good), but I gifted it to the person who had been my biggest cheerleader and who had tagged me a million times, and that’s how @foolofabookwyrm and I became friends. Writing the fic sucked, but her friendship is worth it, a million times over 💜💜💜

Easiest/most fun story to write?

The View from the Veranda. I’m a historian, and I work a lot with primary sources and spend time speaking with others in 18th century language, so once I got into my “work mindset” the words just flowed. This was also a silly, happy story for me, because I included a lot of jokes for Liz, and there are a ton of details that are just hilarious if you work at the same place I do (sorry that none of you do, but let me just tell you, the descriptions of Simon are all based off of my most attractive colleague, and at least 15% of this fic is silly quotes from work). I think this was only supposed to be about a thousand words long, and I messaged Kris multiple times while writing just to tell him that it was getting out of control and I couldn’t stop writing 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Writing for Agatha in We’re Not in Genovia Anymore really made realize how much some of her (canon) story resounded with me, and I liked the deeper character study I ended up doing for her. I’m still always going to be the most in love with Baz, but I have a deeper connection to Agatha now too.

Most overdue story?

It’s still overdue. I have so many WIPs, at least seven of which are soulmate AUs, and I just keep starting more. In terms of actual planned release date though? I started writing a The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue AU for NaNoWriMo, with the intention of publishing it in January. It’s already the longest fic I’ve ever written, and I don’t think I’m even a quarter of the way done with it. I wasn’t happy writing for NaNo, because I don’t do well with creativity on a deadline, and I chose to pause work on that fic so I can actually enjoy writing it and end up with something I like once I finally return to it. Apologies to those who are anxiously awaiting the fic, I do hope to finish it this year, and I won’t post until it’s all done, so you’ll get a very rapid update schedule when it does come out!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I signed up for my first fandom event! I participated in the Secret Snowflake event, and wrote Down By The Sea for the wonderful @fight-surrender (and ended up with ideas for some other new fics too)! Even though I was actively failing NaNoWriMo when I signed up, I did manage to complete my fic on time, and I learned that it wasn’t quite as daunting as I was expecting it to be. (My biggest problem was my laptop breaking and having to do almost everything on my phone - I also learned once again just how amazing Liz is, as she helped me format and post to ao3, since I couldn’t do that properly without a computer)

I struggle with being creative on a deadline, but wanting to write a little over 1k in a month was much more achievable than feeling stressed about writing 50k in a month!

This year’s theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

I like the idea of the inevitability of love. I adore soulmate AUs, because I love the idea of a universe where not only does someone have a perfectly matched other person, but that there is a surefire way to find them. Even though I only published one soulmate AU this year, I feel like every time I write Snowbaz I am writing about a couple where love will, inevitably, win. In my mind they are always going to have a happy ending somewhere down the line where they are just purely in love. Even though love doesn’t magically fix everything, it’s still incredibly powerful, and I only want to create stories where Simon and Baz truly love each other.

Of course, with that as the theme, A Privilege to Love You has to be the fic that best demonstrates the idea of inevitable love - it’s a soulmate AU and a universe where Simon exercises his free will.

What are your fic writing goals for next year this year?

Finish and publish my Gentleman’s Guide AU

Finish and publish more soulmate AUs (I have so many WIPs you guys)

Plan more before writing

Work on improving dynamic scenes and the overall flow of my fics - I sometimes feel like I have too many lulls, and I want to write in a more engaging way

Promote my own work more! I am partially doing this post because there are multiple fics that I never shared on here! I plan to make banners for all of the fics I write this year, and to post them on tumblr at the same time I upload them to ao3.

The last few years have been a time of tremendous personal growth for me, and I really feel like I’m starting to understand who I am as a person, settle into myself, and like who I am. I’m thrilled to discover that fandom is still part of who I am and what I enjoy, and that I have more creative outlets in my life now than I ever expected to. My biggest goal is just to keep building on all of that, to use fic to explore who I am, to reflect what I like, make myself happy with my writing, and to hopefully make at least a few of you happy with my stories too!

[bebepac]

Food Fail (Happy Birthday Robin! 2020)

This is the first time I’ve ever written a birthday Fic and it’s in honor of a friend of mine @dcbbw​​ !!!!  Happy Birthday my friend!!!!!!  

When I first joined the fandom back in January, when I was searching for fics to read, she was one of the first people when I searched that came across.   I started reading her stories.  When I wanted to  write my own, and was nervous and anxious, she helped give me the confidence to write. 

She’s a very talented writer, and is incredibly humble.  I am happy to call you my friend.  I really hope you have a wonderful day today. 

So I wrote this about a food you do not like.  SUSHI.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! 

I hope you enjoy it.  See what I did there.  LOL!!!!!!

I used my characters from Pops Place, as you can tell.

I also used @shitthepizza​​​ About Pizza prompt # 5:  “I am always in the mood for pizza,” which will appear in bold.

Jaiden Brooks is my own character, all other characters belong to Pixelberry. 

This is not the next chapter of Pops Place.  But it fits into the series.  To check out the series Pop's Place Masterlist

Summary:  Mia goes out with the gang for dinner.  

Warnings:  Profanity.  That’s pretty much it.

Word Count: 1202

Tagging: @queenjilian​ @bbrandy2002​ @indiacater​ @janezillow​  @islandcrow​ @mom2000aggie​ @gkittylove99​ @gabesmommie1130​ @sophie-and-shizuku​​ @kingliam2019​​ @queenwalton​​ @cordonia-gothqueen​​ @texaskitten30​​  @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​​ @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​​ @lodberg​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​ @kimmiedoo5​​ @sanchita012​​  @mrsdrakewalkerblog​​ @cordonianroyalty​​ @batgirlassociationofgothamcity​​ @hopelessromanticmonie​​ @marietrinmimi​​ @blueaster-blog1​​ @lovablegranny​​ @ac27dj​​ @classylady1234​​ @loudbluebirdlover​​ @atha68​​ @nikkis1983​​ @furiousherringoperatortoad​​ @sevenfuckslefttogive​​ @ladyangel70​​ @burnsoslow​​ @axwalker​​ @debramcg1106​​ @marshmallowsandfire​​ @choicesficwriterscreations​

Song Inspiration for this fic:  “Milkshake” by Kelis

https://youtu.be/pGL2rytTraA

I don’t own rights to the music. or quoted lyrics later on.  

"Hey if you want to, you and Daniel can meet me at Pop's and we can ride together downtown."

"Oh my GOD Jaiden thanks!!! I absolutely hate driving in downtown Raleigh with all the one way streets and parallel parking."

"But Mia, you seriously have the smallest car in the world to parallel park."

"It's North Carolina, not New York, no one parallel parks here, you pull in. I didn't have to parallel park for my driving test."

"Well I'm from New York and we parallel park."

"Well you go right ahead Mr. New Yorker!"

"Then I will show you how it's done Miss Southern Belle, after we …. He cleared his throat and continued in the worst southern drawl ever, “drink sweet tea and eat apple cobbler in the parlor Ma'am.”

Mia burst out laughing.  

“Shut up! You know I’m not like that, and I definitely don’t sound like that.”  

“I’m sorry, I can’t understand your dialect.”  

“YOU TALKING TO ME?”  Mia said in her best Robert De Niro voice.  

Daniel looked at the two of them bickering back and forth. He looked surprised. 

 “Hmmm… that was pretty good.”  Jaiden said to her nodding.  “You could get by in the city with that.”  

“Thank you.”  Mia flashed him a smile.  

“So, I'll pick you guys up around 6:20?"

"That's perfect."

When they were in the car.  She kept noticing Daniel staring at her.  

“Whaaaaat?”

“Um… so are you going to tell me what that was, or do I have to guess?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Girl…..“

“Daniel What?!?!?!”

“Are you and Jaiden a thing?”  

“Uh no. We’re just friends.”

Daniel gave her a look.

“I don’t flirt with my friends like that.”  Daniel raised his eyebrow at Mia again.

“We were not flirting.”  

“You two are definitely something-ing because, I could cut the tension with a machete.”

“Nuh uh.. It’s not even like that Daniel.”

“I’m just saying Mia, you need a theme song for this summer, and I got just the one.”

Mia smirked at him.

“Mia’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right it’s better than yours, I could teach you, but I have to charge.”

“Okay Daniel.”  

“You better wear something cute for your bae.”  

“He’s not my Bae.”

“Okay, then he’s a friend that definitely wants to see you naked.  Girl, can I live vicariously through you this summer? Cuz you’re pulling all the men so far.”  

“Yeah and they all the winners,  “Drake: I have a long distance girlfriend, but yeah let’s hang out too,  and Liam: Mr. I’m pretty sure you did something shady to get me to look your way and discredit Drake but he screwed that up on his own.”

“And Leo: Mr. I have given you a nickname but no one else can use it, and let’s get you crazy drunk.”    

“Okay… already let’s get you home so we can get ready and get back for dinner.”

When they arrived  back right around 6:15, they pulled up seeing Jaiden leaning against his jeep.  

As they walked up to  Jaiden’s jeep she heard Daniel softly singing.

“La - la - la - la - laaaaaa… the boy is waiting….”

She punched Daniel.  

“Should I even ask?” Jaiden looked at the two of them.

“No you should not.”

He opened the door for Mia letting her get into the car. 

“Your jeep is nice.”  

“Thanks, it took me getting straight A’s and graduating 3rd in my class to get it.”  

“So you’ll be at Cordonia U in the fall then?”

“Why would you think that?”  

“Because you live in Prestonwoods.”

“Yeah, I don’t get all that you’re either Prestonwoods or you’re everyone else crap.  We actually toured both.  I liked Hartfeld better.  That’s where I’ll be this fall.”  

“Me too.”  

“Cool.”  He glanced in Mia’s direction.  Mia was wearing a red  dress and white sandals.  She looked really cute.  

“Watch and learn Mia.”  

Jaiden flawlessly parallel parked between two cars.

“Am I supposed to be impressed?”  

“You know what… I’m locking you in the car.  I’ll go enjoy dinner with Daniel. You’ll have air and sadness for dinner Mia.” Jaiden laughed.  Mia couldn’t help her smile on her face.

“Oh my god!!!!  Air and Sadness?!?!  I really like you Jaiden.  You put her in her place.”  Daniel chuckled.  “Mia needs a guy that is as funny as she is.”  

Daniel noticed them both stare at each other in silence.  

Yep… he thought… there are definite sparks there.

“I’ll get the door for you Mia.”  

“Where are we meeting everyone at? I’m starving.”  

“Sushi Blues Cafe.”

“Sushi…. As in raw fish?”  

“There are cooked sushi rolls.  Have you had sushi?”

“I’ve never tried it.. I like my fish fried and battered, with tartar sauce, and either lemon juice or vinegar, thanks to Pops.”  

“So I’ll get a Philadelphia roll,  it’s cooked  with smoked salmon, avocado, cream cheese. Most people who are newbies to sushi like it.  So I'll share mine with you. I’ll get two so if you like it, you can have your own.”  

When they got into the restaurant the only seats left were on the end of the table.  Daniel sat in the next to the last seat, and Mia sat on the end being left handed, and Jaiden sat across from her.  She noticed everyone else was there.  Hana, Penelope, Maxwell, Olivia, Leo, Rashad, Neville, and Liam.  No Drake.  He probably doesn’t do Sushi.   Can’t blame him.  They passed out menus.  Mia looked nervous.  She ordered a green tea, and when the server came back for her food order, she couldn’t remember what roll Jaiden said he was going to get.

“She’s with me,” Jaiden said.  “We’ll get two philly rolls.”  

She smiled at him.  “Thank you,” she mouthed to him.

“You’re welcome.”  he whispered back.

She stared at her plate.

She poked a piece of the sushi.

“It’s not going to attack you, Mia.”  

“And this is cooked?”

“Yeah.”  

“You’re sure?”  

“Yeah.”  

“Do you like spicy stuff?”

“Not really.”

“So that green stuff, stay away from that then. That’s wasabi.”  

“Ginger?”

“Meh…”

“Yeah, we won’t mess with that either then.”  

“So put some soy sauce on a piece.”  

Mia mimicked him.

“And just one big bite. Eat it.”

He popped it in his mouth and chewed.  

“It’s good, now your turn.”  

Mia did as he did.  She dry heaved.  

Jaiden almost fell out of his chair, because of the look on Mia’s face.  It was clear…. Mia was not a fan of sushi. Both Jaiden and Daniel both were roaring in laughter.  

“Chew it up, or spit it out.  Do something Mia!!!!”

Liam looked in their direction in all the ruckus they were causing.  Liam wished he was sitting with Mia, they looked to be having so much fun.  

Mia managed to swallow the piece of sushi.

“Want another then?”  Jaiden  asked seriously for a second, then burst into laughter again.  

“No thanks.  I’d almost would have rather had the air and sadness, you offered earlier.” 

When it was time to leave and the check was passed out, Jaiden paid for Mia’s share even though she didn’t really eat anything.

They walked  down the street together.  

“So… how about a pizza?” Jaiden asked.

“I’m always in the mood for pizza.”  

“Let’s go get you some dinner then Mia.”  

Mia smiled as Jaiden led the way back to his vehicle.

[lesmismignon]

replying to anon messages

In this post I shall reply to the messages that have been sitting in my inbox for a regrettably long period of time. (It is loooooong. Please click “keep reading” at your own risk.)

I’m not a very good correspondent. I’m very sorry. I never know what to say right off the bat, and then during 2019 and 2020 when I was mostly on hiatus, I would just post a chapter or two and poof back out, and on Tumblr I would browse a few things and then poof back out. I do not have a good track record with social media and online presence in general. And with real life problems (mostly due to work), at worst it was impossible to muster even the strength to write. It was maddening.

But there is something about Hellsing and its fandom that reels me back in even when I am far away. Excuse me if this sounds cheesy, but for me fandoms are like the orbit of a comet. If it is something that you loved, and will continue to love even when you are not “active” on it, you will come back to it, someday, somehow. I’ll always be grateful to Hellsing, for being an inspiration to write, for being a bridge to some of my dearest relationships, for some of the kindest messages I’ve ever received in my life.

you freed yourself for a job that was not good for you and related to toxic people (Integra-like – demanding the respect you deserve). That is badass brave – and that doesn’t become less by that fact that maybe the next job you got is not the end of the journey but still part of the way. And you are brave by sharing your work, sharing your stories revealing parts of your emotional world to the outside – that is totally bad as too. I think you can be very proud of you, really. So maybe right now, you might be in situation that does not yet make you happy in way you deserve it. But you know- there is big chance that this is part of your journey to this place – imagine, in some time from now, you may be a successful (brilliant you are already) author and in an interview you say something like “yes, back there in 2016/17 I went through some tough times, that influenced the work very much I got this price for today”. So just in case you maybe cannot see it right now yourself – please allow me to tell you – you are brave and wonderful. And re. the brave decision you mentioned – I know I am not in the position to tell you anything – but please do not do any harm to you. So, thank you so much for your work you share with the world, my life is better with it. Take care for yourself, you deserve the best. (so sorry, I am really not good with words, hope you get my point….)

Anon, this was the kindest thing you could have ever done for little 2016/17 me. Oh God. Time does fly by so fast. I want you to know that I read this message a long time ago, and it gave me strength to go on, even though I’m not sure if I am so brave, to be compared to our lady Integra >< I hope you are happy and safe, wherever you are. I hope you know how brave and wonderful *you* are. Thank you so much.

just wanted to drop by and say I love all your fanfictions! You capture Integra and Alucard's characters so well; I LOVE it. Take all the time you need updating. You deserve it. And good luck at your job! <3

Ah, I probably changed jobs like twice since then. But they have been all good and meaningful in their own ways. I really did not mean to take THIS long in updating but I hope that you enjoyed the recent updates if you are still reading, thank you so much!

Why can I not write here? I just wanted you to know I am grateful for the reading joys that are 'Snow White' and 'Satis'...

Thank you Anon! I am so glad you enjoyed them!

I LOVE SATIS SO MUCH YOUR WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FLOWY AND IT MAKES ME CRY PLEASE KEEP UP THE BRILLIANT WORK!!

Thank you Anon! You give me too much praise, but I shall indeed try to keep it up!

Hey so please don't take this as me pressuring you but I absolutely adore Satis! Is there any chance we might know when the next update is coming in? Totally understand if not- it sounds like work is taking a lot out of you and I understand that you're writing fan fiction purely for fun but DAMN IF I DON'T WANT TO READ MORE OF YOUR FIC OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH ASDFGHJKL!!!

I’m sorry it’s been ages! I’ll tell you my schedule(???) for this year instead! For this year of 2021 I really hope to average maybe at least 1 chapter a month but I don’t know how I’ll fare during the busy months. I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you are still reading!

@fierce-little-miana Can you believe that I have just noticed that I had given you any kudos for Snow White or Satis?! Sorry! Your stories are really worth all the praise we can give them. (so I corrected it) Have a nice day!

Thank you! I’m terribly sorry for this late reply. You’ve been so kind and sent so many lovely messages. Thank you again for each and every one of them!

@sinish-tem Hey sorryy for bothering you but. That ALutegra fic was AMAZING!!I LOVE IT!Amazing job sport<3

You’re not bothering me at all! Thank you old sport!

So I don't mean to rush you or be annoying or anything, but is Satis still happening? (plz plz say yes)

You’re not being annoying! I’m sorry it took so long! Yes :)

Hello! So, um, I have to ask... is Satis going to be updated? It’s just that it’s one of my absolute favorite stories by my absolute favorite author!

Thank you! I’m honored! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you’re still reading!

Hi! Are you still around? Are you doing ok?

Yes, I am fine now, thank you :) I hope you are doing well, too!

@aniphine Hi! First off, I want to say that I absolutely love your writing style and am so looking forward to diving into all of your fics! I just finished Satis and it’s definitely in my Top 10 Fanfics ever, which is saying something! Thanks so much for writing it. On that note, I wanted to ask if you had plans to update it? If not, that’s totally cool - what you’ve written already is fantastic. But if so, I’d pledge my life to you in order to get a chance at reading more. 😆 Anyhoo, you’re awesome! 👋

Thank you so much! You are awesome too! I’m honored that Satis is in your top 10!!

@dontfuckingfollowmeifpornblog You still around?

I am now! Thank you!

@comixqueen Hello have I told you that I really love your Hellsing fics? ;u;/ They're among the best out there and I reread them often!

Thank you very much. That means a lot to me from you. Thank you for rereading, I’m always wary of my earlier writing but I’m glad if people still enjoy them.

I have never squealed higher than when I received the notification for the new chapter of Satis. You are a true blessing <3 thank you for your words

You are a blessing! Thank you so much!

Hello! I know you're not very active around here, but I just saw a trailer for a movie based on the letters of Vita and Virginia, and I was immediately reminded of Satis and the quotes you so expertly used in the narration, and I thought I might tell you in case you're interested in the movie (the title is literally Vita and Virginia) <3

Thank you Anon! I did see the trailer! I haven’t seen the movie yet though, but I will, eventually! I am so glad you think I did the quotes justice! It’s such a beautiful quote.

Not sure how to start this, might be a little bold, and yet; let me simply say that I am in love with your written works. In fact, so much so that I read it all again, and again. It never ceases to amaze. And as for you, the person behind it all, you do seem immensely precious as well. I hope that you have the most fantastic day, you deserve no less.

Anon, you are so very kind. Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am just an ordinary person unusually invested in a particular set of fictional characters xD and I am often late to things and a bad correspondent, but I must be doing something right if you’re sending me a message as lovely as this. Thank you again, I hope you are having fantastic days as well.

Honestly ive read your snow white fic years ago but I loved it insanely much and im about to read it again today ^.^

Thank you Anon! Ah, Snow White. I am very glad you still enjoy it. It is so old, and I wish I had the courage to edit it and spruce it up, or even update an extra or two...

Are you ever planning to continue Satis? I’m in love with that piece of work.

Thank you Anon! Yes! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters!

My literal text to a friend of mine that's also a fan of Satis when I got the AO3 mail about the new chapter was: "NOW THEY'RE FINALLY STARTING TO BE *HAPPY* HOLIDAYS"

I am very glad I was able to bring you holiday cheer. Would it be bold of me if I say I aim to bring you non-holiday cheer as well, now? xD Thank you so much!

HEY JUST CAME HERE TO SAY I LOVE SATIS, OKAY BYYYYE

HELLO ANON! THANK YOUUUUU