#but not as much as i love swiftiesleuth

[karliesbuzzcut]

So I don’t know how you guys feel about the ‘Realistic Kaylor Timeline’ that’s been doing the rounds on this corner of the internet. I’m guessing some of you might feel conflicted, others might strongly disagree with some parts of it - but do not worry. I’m here to tell you how to feel about it: you love it. Because it’s mandatory to love anything that can get such a feral reaction out of TTB.

Today I’m bringing you

Top 7 Moments from TTB vs. Swiftiesleuth 2020

Fair wairning: I’m going to be very biased - I’ve not made my adoration for @swiftiesleuth a secret at all.

1. TTB’s grand entrance. LLLLLET’S GET READY TO TUMBLRRRRR!

Her disjointed sentences already let you know she’s a bit shaken “FAKE NEWS! The author admits they do not have inside knowledge like I do! I have all the inside knowledge, they only have outside knowledge, which ew - it’s muddy outside, and there’s bugs.”

2. Married people don’t ‘bonk’ - they make respectful and dignified love to each other. Preferably from opposite sides of the room.

My favourite was definitely when she said “if you’re a queer woman then you should really think about how you talk”. I vote for unpacking this one.

That ‘if’ - because of course, TTB has to perform a background check on you before she allows you to join The Gays.

That ‘should’. Please, TTB, complete that thought for us. Why is it that, as a queer woman, swiftiesleuth should do something in particular? You are not implying that she has to be especially careful about her words because she’s queer, right? I mean, you wouldn’t 😱 you’re a Social Justice Warrior after all.

TTB doesn’t like to be called “dude” either:

Which is why I suggest we all start calling her ‘Our Dude’. She will be our collective dude. And we can all be her little Dudes! It’ll be delightful, I’m telling ya.

3. In the year of our lord 2020, TTB decides it’s a good idea to pull the “I can’t be racist; my best friend is black” - but make it Jewish.

On this one I want to take a bit of a more serious tone, so I’ll limit myself to only one fart joke. I had no idea there were circumstances in which you couldn’t say you ‘converted’ to Judaism. I genuinely love that this seemingly silly passtime of mine actually teaches me new things. Now, I’m going to take a wild-ass guess and say TTB didn’t know that either... but more on this coming up.

Right now, let’s all rejoice at her choice of saying “I have facts” and right afterwards “Kaylor is likely already married”.

Kaylor, the sole entity, is married.

4. TTB tells herself “You know what? I haven’t been racist enough today”

At this point, TTB has become a cautionary tale about what happens to a person when they get married to an idea. It’s genuinely scary for me to think that my brain could trick me to such an extent that I could no longer process information that contradicts my beliefs. Just imagine it, there’s something about someone else’s religion that doesn’t make sense to you, and you decide to draw your conclusions from there. Okay, cool. Then someone from said religion explains that thing that didn’t make sense. And your reaction isn’t “oh, I maybe I should think about that, this person clearly knows more than me about this particular subject”. No. Your reaction instead is “I am entitled to my beliefs”

ISN’T THAT TERRIFYING!?

But more importantly... Isn’t that fucking racist? Wait... what? You are saying that isn’t racist enough? You think TTB should’ve also said that people don’t get to be offended by a word ‘only because it has been used as a slur in the past’? And then suggest to the person who asked her not to use that word - a person who is directly affected by that kind of bigotry - to get a dictionary? Nooo, come on, that’d be overkill. We are not trying to build a cartoon villain here!

5. Whaler and TTB are disappointed parents.

Truly emps, how dare you have a mind of your own. We raised you better than that!

I loooove that this day and age a fucking reblog means unconditional support to the author of the post... I’d watch that Black Mirror episode.

6. Both swiftiesleuth & TTB leave the chat with a motherfucking BANG.

I thought that I had hit comedy nirvana when Swiftiesleuth asked if her LGBTQ flavour bothered TTB and I thought no way in hell would TTB respond to that. BUT SHE DID. Aren’t you glad to be alive to witness that? “I have no knowledge of your flavour” she says. Well, TTB, I have no knowledge of Swiftiesleuth’s flavour either, but I’m working on fixing that *double winky face*

BUT TTB was like “talking about someone’s flavour isn’t hilarious enough, let’s leave this conversation with my best material”. And reminded us all of the percentage of black people she has working for her. I wonder if she decided to do the maths right after assembling her team or after she realised she could use it as an argument. Either way, super normal behaviour.

Also, also. I’d love to know what she considers a minority “well... Gerald has a pet snake... that should bring my minority percentage up by a couple points”

7. Special guests!

You wouldn’t be able to tell by how late to the party I was, but this was a big event here on Tumblr. Everybody was there... I’m told. Because I already feel like I’ve been working on this post for the past decade, I’ll keep it short and cute.

In one corner we have whaler and swift-79,

Obligatory bulletpoint list about all the things I loved about this post:

It wasn’t enought that TTB questioned swiftiesleuth’s queerness. Whaler said “fuck it - I’m questioning this bitch’s name as well” “Nat?” “you don’t look like a Nat” “but if you insist on identifying yourself as a Nat...” “I’ll put it in air quotes though”

I’m sorry... “If we are judging from pictures”? Isn’t that all that Kaylors do in 2020? No. No. I’m sorry. You guys also have emojis, sorry!

“Even Enty has questions about his sexuality” 😱 What? Enty? A blog dedicated to posting a constant stream of celebrity gossip once said that someone, somewhere, might be gay? No! 😱

I think swiftiesleuth was accused again of working for Scooter? Conspiracy Theorists are so adorably predictable, every time anyone disagrees with them (worse if that person seems to have done some research) somebody has to yell “they’re working for the enemy!”

Anyway, time for our final guest: the lovely @youlooklikebadnews , who I could’ve asked to write this whole post for me because they definitely did a better job than me at summarising the whole thing. But not only that, they were lucky enough to get a response from TTB.

...At this point I’m fairly certain that I’ll get invited to a Secret Session before TTB ever acknowledges my existence.

Doesn’t this read like what the villain says at the end of a shitty movie? Teasing a sequel and everything?

“You have not seen the last of TTB! I’ll be back with more proof and no copyright issues! KARLIE AND TAYLOR WILL RISE! Then you will see! YOU WILL ALL SEE!”

*flourishes cape and disappears into the night*

[whatiwillsay]

what really inspired the babe music video though...

So if you’ve read my babe mv analysis you know it’s one of the world’s loudest and best gaylor proofs in existence.  What I want to explore here however is why 5-6 years after Swiftgron was over, is Taylor digging up the grave another time to drag her ex.  

Seriously stop and think about it.  Why on God’s gay earth did Taylor decide to Swiftgron her ass off in 2018.   When she’s supposedly moved on to the London Lover and happy? The simplest explanation is that Babe is about Dianna so Taylor made sure people knew that.  And hey that’s completely possible. 

However it’s Christmas and I’m feeling generous so buckle up for some crack and reaching.  (read: this is mostly a joke post so don’t come for my neck for playing around and making it. if you don’t like it don’t read✌️)

What if Taylor painting herself as the desperate other woman in this music video all about Dianna has a meaning further than it just worked out like that?  What if Dianna was cheating on Winston with Taylor in a late stage illicit Swiftgron affair 👀👀👀????  (no I don’t think IA is about dianna, she doesn’t take runs)

Taylor said herself that “the narrative is never truly over” about her and Dianna so right after she and Karlie broke up why wouldn’t we expect a Swiftgron fling:

Babe was released in late spring of 2018 so let’s try and pin down when this Swiftgron tomfoolery could have taken place...

We know Dianna was in London at the beginning of 2017 (with Carey Mulligan no less, a friend of Taylor’s!)

Thanks to @swiftiesleuth​‘s (who is probably going to make fun of me for this theory but THAT’S FINE W ME) realistic Kaylor Timeline we know Taylor was hiding out in London at this point in time as well:

3 January 2017 - Taylor diaries that she’s “essentially based in London” and that “we have been together and no one has found out for three months.” (This could be three months with Joe from September 28 OR three months from Tily’s Halloween party. Either way, not Karlie).

8 January 2017 - Taylor and Zayn film the I Don’t Wanna Live Forever MV in London.

So the question is, can we build a theory about Swiftgron having a late stage affair simply because they were in the same city at the same time?  Well if Kaylors can claim Kaylor got engaged solely because Taylor was not papped while Karlie went on vacation then I say YES!  Tis the damn season!!!

Let’s look at social media clues.�� Dianna seemed to be in on Rep promo.  You want proof?  Well what else could she have meant when she posted a photo captioned “please don’t eat the daisies” a few months after the London affair. We know Karlie called Taylor daisy so perhaps social media criminal mastermind Dianna “queen of shade” Agron was trying to humiliate Karlie because Karlie smirked at her at that fashion show in 2015:

Emboldened by her own crimes she then flexed her insider knowledge of Rep promo by posting video of her singing on instagram with the caption “Zombie Love” a mere three days before Taylor appeared in the LWYMMD music video dressed as a zombie in the OOTW (a song about Dianna) dress.  Why is Taylor a zombie in specific outfit?  Because Swiftgron is back from the dead of course:

Not only that but in the music video she buries the Taylor in the met gala dress from 2014.  She attended that met gala with Karlie.  RIP KAYLOR LONG LIVE SWIFTGRON!??!?

Now positively DRUNK with power, Dianna seems to stalk Karlie to an event only to tauntingly call her goooeeoeoeooueuueugoussssssss to her face, the queen of manipulation and psychological warfare has struck again!!!  This happens in Feb 2018 a mere matter of weeks before babe is dropped as a single.

We of course know Dianna admits to her own commitment issues on instagram two days before Babe drops but what if she is referencing her commitment issues not with Taylor but with her husband Winston because she is cheating on him with Taylor at this point in time or did some time in 2017???

Taylor releases babe and then later the music video seeming to be screaming to the whole world that yes she is cucking Winston Marshall and she wants you, your mom, and your cat to know about it!

Dianna voices her support of this by posting this to her IG stories at the end of May:

We know Taylor’s symbol was a snake during the rep era and she couldn’t trust just about anyone but, Dianna was letting her know to trust in her!!!

I’ve always suspected DBATC is a Swiftgron song due to the lyrics “i look through the windows of This Love, even though we boarded them up” -that references the flood that happened in Clean that taylor says she and the London Lover (or Karlie) boarded up the windows of after the storm in CIWYW.  

I see you everywhere The only thing we share Is this small town

What if “i see you everywhere” is literal? because they’re sneaking around and actually seeing one another in a literal since?

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch

Sounds like an affair to me!!!

When she says “the morning comes and you’re not my baby” she’s saying speaking present day because Dianna is still married to Winston.

and while Dianna seems to love rubbing Karlie’s face in it, like the evil villain we all know she is, Taylor likewise seems to like to rub Winston’s cuck status in his face in it since she adds a song he wrote about Dianna to her me! playlist in June of 2019:

look at the other songs she taunts him with “glad he’s gone”, “just friends”, “hey, ma”, “open my mouth”!! she’s sick!!!

Winston has had enough of this and he and Dianna split in July of 2019 though it doesn’t go public for a year.

To add insult to injury (and to personally attack tumblr kaylors all over the world) Taylor performs false god at SNL, a song she wrote about her and Dianna’s late stage affair with Dianna in attendance. 

So in summation, perhaps Taylor is referencing Dianna so much recently because they hooked up more recently than 2013 and that’s why Taylor paints herself as the other woman in the Babe mv and has become obsessed with adultery lately.  Because maybe Dianna was cheating on Winston with her 😌😌😌.

[bisluthq]

Love love love you, swiftiesleuth! Sucks that people are wasting your time with their tomfoolery. Your responses are a testament to your character. 💖💖💖

❤️🏳️‍🌈✡️

Thank you so much. I am fully here to here to engage with any and every one and each one of their theories (even wacky ones I don’t believe... like, whatever, I don’t know you might be right).

If you don’t like my vibe don’t read me. But don’t say I lie when I link back to receipts 99.9% of the time and you’re mentioning anon “sources” lmao.

The other night I mentioned we were at Godric’s Hollow but tonight could be Battle of Hogwarts shit.

She must listen.

Or she must go.

[whatiwillsay]

this is kinda random but after reading some of your thoughts on dwoht it completely changed how i saw the song and now i can see how it could be connected to dianna! we may be clowning, but at least there's some logic to our clownery lol

yeaahhh been holding this back for a minute cause i wanna do it justice but given that i put dwoht on the official playlist feels like it’s time to do a proper analysis

part 1 - “but dwoht is about kissgate!”

listen maybe but i don’t think so.  kissgate didn’t change much for kaylor.  as @swiftiesleuth​ outlined in her realistic kay timeline kaylor kept hanging out w one another and being very publicly bffs.  taylor did take to liking tumblr posts calling kaylor shippers freaks and i do think it affected her but i don’t think she’s writing songs about it.

she put the dwoht lyrics on this poloroid:

and she was spotted wearing that on September 3, 2014, 2 months before kissgate:

that’s also a day before the Fairfax anniversary if we want to tie it to anything.

part 2 - “ok but it could still be about karlie”

yeah it could be.  ever since i read realistic kay i am of the opinion that kaylor still definitely happened but i don’t know that they went much farther than fwb.  karlie was with josh the whole time and guys idk what to tell you, joshlie is real like look at this nonsense:

that was in 2014 like during the HEIGHT of kaylor.  karlie started studying to convert to Judaism in 2015, married him, threw another wedding party, and is now having a baby with him.  i don’t know what to tell you.  joshlie is real and karlie chose him. i mean if the kushners were trash they’d be cute look at them!

taylor’s music (cruel summer, august, illicit affairs) backs this up.  kaylor was hot, messy, and chaotic but it was not a monogamous love story.

given the uncommitted nature of kaylor i have trouble believing that lines like:

I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

and

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it and

I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us

are about a fwb situation.

part 3 - “ok maybe it’s not about karlie but why isn’t it about joe/TLL?”

because the entire song is in past tense.  i know taylor (supposedly) tells some story about being harassed by the paps and trying to break up with joe and then he said “no ❤️” and then...she wrote a break-up song for him?  

if the song went out on a hopeful note or flipped to present tense in the bridge like “we were dancing with our hands tied but now we’re dancing freely because we chose one another and we’re happy” i would believe her but this song is sung past tense to someone who she’s no longer dancing with

i mean just look at the past tenseness of this song!

I, I loved you in secret Oh, how were you to know, and My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden Oh, and you held me close

I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it I had a bad feeling And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis People started talking, putting us through our paces I knew there was no one in the world who could take it I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing I, I loved you in spite of I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

and while i’m pointing out the past tense nature of the song let’s examine the bridge:

I'd kiss you as the lights went out Swaying as the room burned down I'd hold you as the water rushes in If I could dance with you again

taylor’s talking about what she would do differently if she had another chance with this person, if they could dance together again and she claims she’d hold them as the water rushes in.  the water rushing in is the flood and pouring rain described in clean.  clean describes her breakup w dianna.  she’s saying if she could go back she’d have stayed with her if she could do it differently.

part 4 - more lyric clues that point to dianna:

after the ootw music video came out taylor reblogged this post on tumblr describing her being frozen in the snow as having her “hands tied behind her back”

the avalanche described in dwoht also seems to take place in the ootw music video.

the lyric “People started talking, putting us through our paces” is exactly what she describes in Wonderland 

“First sight yeah we love without reason” sounds like the same scenario Taylor is warned about in Wonderland “didn’t they tell us don’t rush into things”

“My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden“ taylor’s love is paralyzed in All Too well and then her walls are tall and painted blue but she takes them down for dianna in EHC. “Oh, 'cause it's gravity Oh, keeping you with me“ gravity pulls taylor to dianna in treacherous 

and finallay

“oh 25 years old oh how were you to know”  Dianna was 25 when she met Taylor, the you in the song is 25, not Taylor.  That doesn’t match for Karlie only joe or dianna, and since it’s a song about someone she can’t dance with anymore then i don’t think it’s joe.

lastly taylor ofc likes to dance with everyone but she certainly did with dianna too:

[whatiwillsay]

kaylor oomfs avert your eyes 😞

i get asked from time to time “why don’t you like kaylor, why don’t you like karlie, why do you think kaylor isn’t together? why aren’t you and ttb married yet?” and i think it’s high time i centralize my thoughts and receipts on all of that in a little timeline of shady things karlie has done to taylor that have made me wary of kaylor/karlie/that whole situation.  don’t read if you stan kaylor this isn’t for you (unless you know you’re interested in the truth.)

first things first, i do think something romantic happened between kaylor go read @swiftiesleuth‘s realistic kay timeline for what i (generally) think happened between them.

but long story short - i think joshlie is real, i think they weren’t all that serious at the beginning, she famously didn’t meet his family for years, he didn’t take her to work events for a long time, so there’s room for her to have a fling with taylor even though we ended up with a real joshlie endgame.

taylor’s music and art supports this theory - in the wd mv she paints herself as the other woman, on rep she sings of secret sexy sex with her best friend that drives her crazy, in cruel summer she sings of a miserable, secret, and toxic situation with a person who rejects her love, in illicit affairs and august again she is the other woman - the art matches up.  she also sings about her sunshine being gone on lover, and eclipsed on folklore. we have good clues in taylor’s artistic expression.

taylor’s given interviews about some of these karlie songs - she said cruel summer was about the start to a “doomed” relationship and look at what she said about august:

“It kind of explores the idea of the undefined relationship. As humans, we're all encouraged to just be cool and just let it happen, and don't ask what the relationship is — Are we exclusive? But if you are chill about it, especially when you're young, you learn the very hard lesson that if you don't define something, oftentimes they can gaslight you into thinking it was nothing at all, and that it never happened. And how do you mourn the loss of something once it ends, if you're being made to believe that it never happened at all?”

if joshlie is real which i think they are that 100% sounds like taylor having to process being gaslit by karlie while she cheats on josh with her.

so why do i think joshlie is real?

-  josh has no credible gay rumors that didn’t originate on gaylor tumblr: he has old ex gfs that came before karlie, harvard message boards gossiped about him and didn’t like him but never said that he was gay, in fact one of the complaints josh’s schoolmates had about him was that he got special treatment for her girlfriend at parties.

-  as stated before taylor’s art suggests she’s been the other woman with someone in her life recently.  if josh and karlie are beards then what is the affair? why is taylor the other woman so often all of a sudden?

-  i’ve spoken to someone with a mutual friend with the kushners - grain of salt of course, i know you can only trust stuff you hear from me with no proof so much, but i do absolutely trust this person and they say - no way in hell is joshlie fake, no way in hell is josh gay, no way in hell is karlie having taylor’s baby.  also karlie absolutely has moved down to miami with josh.  i’m sure we’ll see her in nyc and la from time to time but she is living in miami now.

-  vicky ward, who is a real investigative journalist not some unhinged person on tumblr, wrote a tell all about the kushners.  she uncovered gay rumors about josh’s father and josh’s brother but not josh.  she had actual sources and was legitimately digging up tons of dirt on these people and not a word about josh being gay or joshlie being fake.

-  yes karlie did convert to judaism.  it’s really offensive to suggest she didn’t.  of course she always could have done it for personal reasons but occam’s razor dictates she did it for josh i don’t know what else to tell you 🤷‍♀️

-  also just vibes.  karlie writes him love notes and leaves them with his breakfast.  they make playlists for one another.  if the kushners weren’t so heinous they’d be cute.

so in the joshlie is real world view i inhabit, i don’t stan kaylor the same way i do swiftgron because i don’t think kaylor was ever a committed monogamous relationship.  important and impactful on taylor’s life? absolutely.  inspired some amazing music? 100%. but was is true and tragic love that drives me insane and makes me feral?  no.  i don’t believe so.  is it still an interesting and iconic ship? yes!  but i don’t stan because it wasn’t like...true love or gay shit like that.

so let’s talk about karlie’s screwups that 1. assure me kaylor is not together and 2. make me have no desire to stan karlie/kaylor.

1.  after the kimye drama (something that deeply traumatized taylor we now know thanks to miss americana) karlie said she was sure kim was a lovely person 😭 now i know she walked it back and tweeted she and taylor had one another’s backs. i know karlie was just trying to be diplomatic.  but come on...if someone did what kim did to taylor to my lover or hell even just my friend i would say “fuck that clout chasing fame whore” bottom line.  c’mon guys.  have higher standards for your otp.

karlie also has vibed with kim on IG about her adidasas line.  recently!  yes i know she’s just promoting her brand but c’mon.  taylor still hates kim, their drama got rehashed in march 2020 and just 6 months later kim n karlie are bestie-ing around on ig.

2.  ALL the fucking masters drama and scooter fucking braun

-  not long at all after the masters heist karlie was palling around with scooter on a yacht like come on the only other thing taylor is equally as traumatized over as the kimye drama is the master’s heist.  why is karlie hanging out with him and partying with him at this time?

-  karlie liked a tweet completely incinerating taylor (in a gross and unfair/inaccurate way) regarding the masters heist.  she unliked it but still.  why was she even looking at that shit.

-  and yeah we gotta talk about perez.  so perez hilton (who is a scumbag and gross but sometimes does have legitimate tea) posted a video saying that karlie and taylor were no longer friends because karlie betrayed taylor to scooter.  now if that were all there was to it, it’d be dumb gossip.  but a taylor fan account posted the video to twitter ashley avignone and claire winter both liked the tweet.  ashley liked two tweets about it.  perez proceeded to tweet that since two of taylor’s oldest and truest friends liked the tweets it must mean he was correct and neither of the girls unliked the tweets.  ashley and claire are low key people, not celebs, not pawns in a “fued narrative”, just long time and loyal friends of taylor’s.  they liked the tweet, imo, because there’s some truth to it.

-  that brings me to spencer pratt.  spencer is a reality star and super swiftie/huge fan of taylor’s.  he despises karlie.  he’s tweeted negatively about her and he also had perez onto his podcast to talk about the drama between karlie and taylor.  taylor herself sent him a cardigan.  do you really think taylor is going to allow a cardigan to go out to the guy who’s dragging her girlfriend or bestie? i don’t think so.  receipts on perez and spencer here.

3.  karlie posted for hailey fucking beiber’s bday instead of taylor’s and hailey hates taylor 🤢🤢🤢

4.  karlie married into a fascist family that is associated with the trumps.  like how can you expect me to stan?  trump is a fucking criminal evil piece of shit.  i know karlie isn’t like him (probably) but it’s still awful.  kimby even goes around liking ivanka’s ig posts like give me a fucking break 😭.

in summation, you can disagree w me all you like, you can ship kaylor all you like, but if you’re of sound mind i don’t think you can look at the facts in this post and think i’m misguided for not being a kaylor/karlie stan.  and you can’t blame me for thinking if you spend a lot of time obsessing over that ship you may not really be that big a fan of taylor’s.  and if you’re spending a lot of time leading lgbt kids on to think they’re going to get a kaylor end game when all the objective facts of the case suggest that that’s never going to happen you might need to reevaluate but at the very least you certainly can’t press me for not doing all that.

[whatiwillsay]

Hi! I'm the anon from @/swiftiesleuth. How much of 1989 is about Dianna Agron?

ok it’s been a weird couple weeks for gaylors so let’s go ahead and do this

1989 Is About Dianna Agron - A Compilation of Receipts:

Part 1 - People in The Know.  This tv writer claim 1989 is about Dianna:

Carina MacKenzie wrote for The Originals:

a guy named Michael Trevino was a regular on the vampire diaries but was also on a few episodes of The Originals.  He dated Glee cast member Jenna Ushkowitz.  Not only that but he was at Dianna’s 26th birthday party (I know he’s saying hbd to jenna but it’s because her birthday is actually on the 28th of April, which is the day dianna hosted her big party (where they probably celebrated dianna, jenna, and harry (whose birthday is also on April 28)

anyway as you all probably know (but if you haven’t check out this part of my swiftgron masterpost over @swiftgronmasterpost) Taylor was at dianna’s 26th birthday party and even performed songs for her in the midst of swiftgron’s most active period.  

do we know for sure if Micheal was the person who told Carina that swiftgron was a thing?  no.  but he did date jenna for three years and supposedly was good friends with dianna.  it’s possible he was in the know and tipped carina off when he worked with her.

now onto a few song receipts

I Wish You Would

Taylor claims this is a song about an ex driving past her house after they’ve moved to a house close to her.  She wrote it while she was on the Red Tour and it was recorded in 2013.

People assume it’s about Harry like most of 1989 but there’s just one problem. Harry didn’t move to LA until spring 2014, when taylor had moved to nyc and the track was recorded in 2013 so how could it be about him driving past her house?

On the other hand, Dianna moved in LA during the summer of 2013:

Green Eyes - there is debate over Dianna’s eye color sometimes, some people claim they’re hazel.  Green eyes are mentioned again and again on 1989 and it’s true that Harry does have green eyes but it’s also 100% true that Dianna does as well.  A few receipts on that are as follows.  Her character on glee, Quinn, canonically has green eyes:

there’s a famous scene where Rachel tells finn to get Quinn flowers with a green ribbon to match her green eyes:

at one point quinn gets a fake ID and the license has green eyes on it:

and Dianna herself gave her own bitmoji green eyes:

sometimes her eyes may appear hazel, sometimes green, but it’s fair to say that dianna identifies as a green-eyed person (and as someone with green-ish/hazel eyes i get it, i like my eyes to be seen as green to me that’s prettier than hazel)

Style

“Ok Cam I hear you on some songs but there’s no way Style isn’t about Harry right?  His last name is Styles!!!” I hear you exclaim incredulously.

and to that i say NO!

@all-my-possessions breaks this down a lot further but there is an idea that based on the timing of the writing of the song taylor was actually inspired by seeing Dianna dressed up as james dean in InStyle magazine in the UK in early 2014 to write style.

read their “rebel with a clue” post here but it boils down to this picture dianna posted:

the caption is “rebel without a clue” which is a reference to “rebel without a cause” a famous james dean movie.  Dianna seems to be saying this photo was inspired by a picture/styling of james dean such as this:

Dianna was featured like this in the February issue of InStyle UK and we know Taylor was in the UK when that issue came out.

she wrote Style shortly after and it’s thought that the “james dean” bit was inspired by dianna’s styling and the name was inspired by the fact that she was in a magazine literally called “instyle”

I Know Places

Gonna keep it brief here but harry and taylor never hid anywhere.  they did blatant pap walks and even went to time square to kiss at midnight on new years.  it does not get more obvious and public than that.  dianna and taylor on the other hand were pretty private.

and the coup de grâce, ofc, is 

Wonderland

Sure hetlors can try to claim harry has green eyes and grew up chessire but...

from my swiftgron masterpost: Dianna’s favorite book of all time is Alice in Wonderland.  She brought it up in interviews all the time, tweeted about it, auctioned off a signed copy of it for charity, her private Tumblr and instagram account are called whosirmesir which is a reference to it, her private Tumblr is filled with reblogs about Alice, and her public Tumblr was called fell down the rabbit hole.

I have a little joke that for a while dianna didn’t have a personality she just had alice in wonderland.  it is so quintessentially her.

here’s a smattering of receipts on that:

girl even had a tattoo with a quote from the book:

as i said her tumblr was called fell down the rabbit hole which is nearly a lyric from the fucking song:

her finsta name and private tumblr name is “whosirmesir” which is a reference to alice:

honestly, she never shuts the fuck up about alice in wonderland.  so yeah i think she has a much better claim to the song than harry.

and lastly, harry and taylor supposedly dated for 2 months from early November 2012 to the very beginning of January 2013.  do you really think taylor is singing all these songs about a relationship that lasted 8-9 weeks?

no.  1989 is about dianna agron and i will not be taking feedback.

i think a couple songs (yail and wildest dreams) are about karlie, and a few more (wtny, nr, bad blood, blank space, and shake it off) are about non-romantic situations but the love story told within the album is 100% about dianna agron.

[whatiwillsay]

The Duality of Lover

Hi! It’s me, the Cruel Summer anon, back with some more hot takes! Is this probably clownery? Yes, but it sure is fun! So take this analysis with a grain of salt. 

In light of the new Kaylor timeline, I have had some thoughts about Lover as an album. I think there are definitely a lot of songs about Joe (or Lily, or whoever you think was Taylor’s muse for the album), but I also think there are a large collection of songs about Karlie. In terms of the timeline, I think these songs describe the “Messy Summer of Mess,” or the summer of 2016 and subsequent end of the Kaylor romantic relationship, as described by @swiftiesleuth’s new Kaylor timeline. 

For a quick breakdown, here are the songs I think are about Kaylor:

Cruel Summer

Cornelia Street

Death By A Thousand Cuts

False God

So let’s get into it!

First off, we have “Cruel Summer,” which, in addition to being my favorite on the album and possibly my favorite Taylor song of all time, sets the tone for the entire chapter. If you’ve read my previous analysis, you know that I do not think this song is optimistic in any way, shape or form. Genius says that this song “narrates the fragility and uncertainty at the beginning of Taylor’s relationship with Joe Alwyn,” and I really just have to side-eye that description. Why? Well, as per my last analysis:

it’s cool, that’s what I tell ‘em/no rules in breakable heaven

they say that we’ll just screw it up/in these trying times, we’re not trying

I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

if I bleed, you’ll be the last to know

said “I’m fine” but it wasn’t true/I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you

This ain’t the beginning of a communicative, healthy relationship, folks. That’s all I have to say on the matter. (You can read my other post for more.)

Next we have “Cornelia Street,” which I also think is a Karlie song because of the following lyrics:

I’d never walk Cornelia Street again

baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

back when we were card sharks, playing games/I thought you were leading me on

you hold my hand on the street/walk me back to my apartment/years ago, we were just inside

barefoot in the kitchen/sacred new beginnings

First of all, the obvious: in this song, Taylor links her lover very specifically to Cornelia Street and NYC as a whole. New York City definitely does not scream Joe’s name. But, as many before me have pointed out, it’s pretty inextricably linked to Karlie. I mean, Taylor literally has a song called “London Boy,” which makes it clear to me which city Taylor associates him with. London = Joe, NYC = Karlie.

A lot of arguments linking “Cornelia Street” to Joe are because the song appears to depict the beginning of a relationship–and obviously, in the traditional Kaylor narrative, Kaylor would have been together for a long time at this point. However, I think this song makes a lot of sense with the new Kaylor timeline. I could see it taking place sometime in late summer/fall 2016, in a time when Kaylor reunited and Taylor thought she and Karlie might actually work things out. Taylor’s word choices in this song support the idea that this is the beginning of another “on” period in an on-and-off relationship. 

In the bridge, Taylor contrasts the true beginning of this relationship (which was “years ago”–a lyric that definitely does not fit Joe) with the present. The notable difference between then and now is how public the relationship is; their relationship is not “just inside,” as it was years ago. Now, her partner can “hold [her] hand on the street.” If you buy the Kaylor timeline, this song takes place in the fall immediately after the “Cruel Summer” from that song–perhaps Taylor thought Karlie might choose her over Josh once and for all, so they would not need the same level of secrecy as they once did. (I don’t think this lyric is about bearding–Kaylor were always publicly affectionate–but if you buy my analysis of “Cruel Summer,” the relationship may have been kept secret from Josh.)

She also calls the present a “sacred new beginning,” which would be redundant unless this is not the first beginning this relationship has had. The lyrics back when we were card sharks, playing games/I thought you were leading me on also allude to a shared history–and the idea that this might be their chance to make a relationship really work, when Taylor felt led on by her lover in the past. 

While “Cornelia Street” is definitely a romantic song, it’s sad and desperate in the same vein as “Cruel Summer”–it focuses on the strong possibility that this relationship will end, unlike a song like “Lover,” which very clearly foreshadows commitment. 

Next song! “Death By A Thousand Cuts,” which is overtly a breakup song. Taylor says this was inspired by the movie “Someone Great” on Netflix. Maybe it was, but we’re all mad here, right? So I'mma do some wild speculation and say that I think it could have some personal inspiration as well. 

Notable lyrics:

I see you everywhere, the only thing we share is this small town

but if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand/paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

gave you so much, but it wasn’t enough

Is NYC a small town? Nah, but I do think it’s still notable that this song ties Tay’s lover to a geographical location just like in “Cornelia Street” and “False God,” both of which I think are about Karlie. The lyric also has similar vibes to “I get mystified by how this city screams your name." 

I also think the "still writing pages” lyric is telling–the relationship with Karlie is long over, but Taylor still feels compelled to tell the story even if it hurts her (“paper cut stings”). The “paper cut stings” and “paper-thin plans” lyrics form a direct contrast to the song “Paper Rings.” (Might do a more in-depth analysis of this later, but I’m just saying it’s interesting for now.)

And finally… “False God,” because:

we were crazy to think/crazy to think that this would work

I’m New York City/I still do it for you, babe

the altar is my hips

you’re the West Village/you still do it for me, babe

even if it’s a false god/we’d still worship this love

Is it a sexy song? Yeah, but it’s also very fatalistic; it’s basically a song about having an argument with a lover and then patching it up through sex. And knowing the relationship might still be ill-fated even if you resolved this particular argument with some wine and ~sexy times~, which is why I do not think it is about Joe. 

First of all, we have the obvious geographic connection; NYC is very much a Kaylor thing, not a Joe/Taylor thing. I have no idea how you’d even argue that the “West Village” line refers to Joe–it just makes so much more sense for it to be referring to Karlie. 

Second, the lyrics are very queer-coded. The lyric “the altar is my hips” seems very much like a reference to going down on a woman. Which is by no means an exclusively lesbian thing, but you get the point. The song also connects back to the religious imagery that Taylor uses in “Don’t Blame Me” (oh, Lord, save me and baby, for you I would fall from grace/just to touch your face). Subversion of religion is just a very gay thing, which makes sense because lots of people very literally think gay love is a sin. If you don’t believe me, see: “Holy” by King Princess, “religion (u can lay your hands on me)” by Shura, “Animal” by Troye Sivan, “God In Jeans” by Ryan Beatty, the music video for “Take Me To Church” by Hozier. Taylor and Joe’s love is not a fall from grace–but love between two women would qualify.

Anyway, all this is a long way of saying that I think Lover is at least partially inspired by the Kaylor breakup; songs like “Cruel Summer,” “Cornelia Street,” and “False God” aren’t as happy as they initially seem. I also think “Afterglow” and “The Archer” could have hints of the Kaylor narrative, but this is WAY too long already, so I’m gonna end it here.

And lastly: thanks, Cam, for posting these! I’d submit them to a Kaylor blog, but yours is my favorite gaylor blog, and also, uh… babygate. Obviously I do not believe the girls are together still, so I think the strong Kaylors would not appreciate my hot takes at the moment. 

SUBMISSION⬆️⬆️⬆️

amazing stuff!  tysm for writing this stuff up and submitting, i bet if you do end up starting a blog you’ll get lots of followers who would love more great content like this!

[whatiwillsay]

it's so interesting to me that you and swiftiesleuth both find Dress (minus bridge) to be so inherently wlw as I always tied it very strongly to an experience I was having with a male friend! Though I am not straight so maybe that's still why I vibed with it so much. Love hearing different interpretations :)

the wlw vibes of the song for me along with the secrecy is that it’s describing the realization of someone who is struck, in a moment of vulnerable honesty, that they want to take their best friend to bed, and they’re kind of shocked by that because they weren’t expecting it

that can happen between straight couples

but this:

I'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing is about someone you’ve been out partying with and you two are collapsing back at your place looking forward to a greasy breakfast and a massive hangover but in that moment you’re just in drunk bliss and all of a sudden it dawns on you as you two careen around your bathroom laughing, your guard it down simply because you’re not with a romantic interest (or so you thought) you’re just with your bestie!  so it’s ok to be sloppy and messy and silly and just lean in for a kiss just because and then...oh...oh.

[karliesbuzzcut]

Just as a comment..... as a lesbian who's struggled with deconstructing the expectation set on me by myself and society to be attracted to men, it kind of bothers me when people kind of just claim "everyone's a little bit gay" cause to me it very much implies the opposite too, which feels hurtful when I have in fact spent an uncomfortable amount of time imagining PIV intercourse, double, triple, quadruple-checking that I don't in fact want it. IDK man a lot of bi people I've come across seem to think of themselves as the norm/assume everyone feels what they feel because it feels like they can't fathom just Not wanting something. Yes, yes, I know, I know "But what if XYZ came across and he was a man? How can you know?" But this bothers me so much like I'm so anxious myself I don't want comments from others. Chances are whatever scenario you can conjure up, a lot of us have in fact already mulled over and said No, Not Then Either. Anyways I generally love your blog and think you're very funny but.... yeah

Oh. I wasn’t aware my comment could be read like that... I’m sorry.

I really am. And it makes a lot of sense.

The other day @swiftiesleuth posted something on her blog that made me feel like she could see right through my soul. How sorta fluid people have a hard time comprehending that not everyone experiences attraction the same way they do. And I guess I fall into that category.

Just to be clear, though. In my tiny silly head, I did not see it working the opposite way. I feel like, if you have identified yourself as gay, you already went through a process of introspection most ‘straight-passing’ people never go through. You already “tried” being straight, you obviously were open to it and you explored different possibilities (even if just internally). Which is not something a lot of self-proclaimed heterosexuals are ever willing to do. That’s kind of what I wanted to say. But instead I said “everyone”, which was wrong of me because what I meant was “a bunch or people”. And I shouldn’t speak in absolutes, it’s dumb. You have every reason to call me out on it ❤️

[whatiwillsay]

do you have any swiftgron/gaylor/not toxic kaylor blog recs?? you're my favourite ts related blog and I love your pod so much!!

@swiftiesleuth, @mercuryonparklane, @taylizmasterpost, @capslockgaylor, @silver-summertime are all in what i jokingly call the camily.  they don’t do dark shipping and they steer clear of toxic assertions or behavior 100%

[whatiwillsay]

Did you or anybody else follow Taylor back in 2014 when she was hanging out with Karlie a lot? She was seen with her almost that whole summer and I want to know what people thought of them. Did y’all think there was something more do was it just innocent friendship? I didn’t follow Taylor like that back then. I was a fan of hers but didn’t pay much attention to what she did other than her music/tour. The only other person I’ve ever seen her hang out with like that is Selena or Abi.

...

girl what do you think this blog is?

kaylor is real go read realistic kay and give @swiftiesleuth some love

conversely for those of you who have taste tho...

[whatiwillsay]

why do y'all dislike kaylor so much? I used to love reading your blog and listening to the podcast 'cause you seemed open to discuss all the gaylor ships but now I just feel like I'm being mocked every time I go here 😂

do you have a bias against kaylor/kaylors? I don't hate you or anyone else here, I just feel like something changed and want your opinion on this, if that makes sense 😅

1.  karlie got pregnant proving once and for all kaylor is over whatever it was

2.  @swiftiesleuth​ wrote up her realistic kaylor timeline which let me draw the conclusion that karlie lead taylor on for a bit only to choose josh and in general kaylor was a bit of a mess of a ship

3.  taylor said “KARLIE’S ASS BETRAYED ME” in it’s time to go

[whatiwillsay]

Same anon from before... deffo not doubting that she is/might be queer, and I still very much believe in swiftgron. Will be diving into the master post now, thanks for linking it. But I’ve always “thought” Taylor was a lesbian and joe was PR but I’m not so sure anymore (and as a bi woman myself, I’m totally here for bi icon Taylor!). But I’m thinking who knows — maybe kaylor wasn’t this amazing relationship as I believed for years. Maybe it wasn’t that serious. Maybe it was one sided. I also feel a bit foolish for having believed a lot of kaylor blogs without fact checking stuff myself. It is what it is I guess

hey i’m the exact same

i blindly believed kaylor blogs while doing heavy research on swiftgron because that was my focus and interest

it wasn’t until the fabulous @swiftiesleuth and her friends showed me their findings - no gay rumors for karlie until taylor (no torlie was not real, one tweet does not a ship make) and zero gay rumors for josh until kaylor shippers had a reason to debunk him, the obvious distress taylor seemed to be in while she was supposedly “happy with karlie” at different times (not having anyone to call when she won the grammy for aoty? hello?, “love is a myth i’m over it” in jan 2014 in the lover diaries, etc) - it wasn’t until alllllllll this unbiased and well-sourced research was dumped in my lap that i realized the kaylor fanfic major blogs have been spinning for years is simply not true.

but there’s still enough sus stuff that makes me think that had some kind of romantic connection, however briefly, just not what we’ve been told.

[whatiwillsay]

The idea of Kaylor being more of a fling than a true serious relationship makes so much stuff make more sense. Dianna and Taylor were practically ripped apart when the rumors got too loud, whereas Kaylor did not even calm down after Kissgate. A serious romantic relationship with a woman (i.e. Swiftgron) is much more indicative of sexuality than a fling with another woman (I mean that it's Hollywood and people might have brushed off a hookup as "experimentation" or weird celebrity shit).

i don’t think “fling” is the right word to describe kaylor just complicated.

swiftgron was complicated too, but for other reasons. (at least i believe)

but yes all the new facts presented in @swiftiesleuth‘s new kaylor timeline certainly paints a different picture of kaylor than we’ve been told.  i still think they were in love at some point and that karlie inspired some of taylor’s best music (reputation!)

[bisluthq]

Hi pretentious anon #2!

I agree! I've kind of figured she's trying to do a folksy, raw kind of sound?? Honestly I can't figure out anything that she's doing in this era, she's such a mystery these days.

Much love, pretentious anon #1

Ps swiftiesleuth you are the real mvp for not minding your ask box being the method of communication in this situation

I actually really like it because it makes me feel cultured 😌

[bisluthq]

Today I read on Reddit the theory that Taylor and Joe got married between Chrismas and NYE because the family gathering in LA. They think the trip to Tahiti is their honeymoon. What you think?/// lol get one thing VERY clearly... anything related to Joe alone or swiftwyn being discussed on reddit goes from here. Some ppl go there to spew hate, some go to give real-time info, some for stating facts about their relationship or his past but it's all from this blog

Yeah like mostly so tbh and it’s often very broken telephone but as much as I’d love to imagine myself as an ~indie blogger~ who can say whatever, I know shit from here regularly sweeps through Swiftdom and into like some gossip Reddits and whatnot so like 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

OG Bisuts (Swiftiesleuths we might say 😢😢) remember the days we could talk as much shit as we wanted lmao?