#queer cis men

[genderqueerdykes]

I think i am aromatic but allosexual and I'm really stressed about it bc as a cis man (for now, but I'm postponing the gender thing as much as I can) I feel like it's just going to be seen as being one of Those Guys. And so much of the little aro/ace representation is aroace or ace and never aro only.

I don't really know what I'm asking tbh but I just felt like I had to send this.

hey i get that, it's okay to be worried about that. people are literally so fucking rude to queer cis men and i'm tired of it. we've basically made a sport of bullying queer men at this point and it's time to stop. there's nothing wrong with an aro allosexual. you are of threat to no one. and i do get what you mean, as someone who's more aro than ace, it bugs me deeply that there's less aro representation. aroace rep is nice but people seem to think you have to be both, but you don't

you are queer. you are not a bad person for being an allosexual aro cis man. you're another part of the queer community who belongs. the aromantic community is very diverse. anyone can be aro. i'm part of a community where i've met people in their 40s - 70s who identify as asexual. i know there are just as many aromantic people out there. we are everywhere. we are just not taken seriously. but we'll change that.

take care of yourself. you belong here. aro cis men are not an issue

[nonbinarymlm]

It’s really awful that my partner is treated as predatory, dangerous, and unwelcome by the world for being bisexual and nonwhite. It’s doubly awful that so many queer spaces near us also treat him as predatory, dangerous, and unwelcome for being a cis man while ignoring his queer and non-passing mixed race experiences.

There is no way to make general queer spaces unwelcoming to cis men without throwing intersectionality out the window. No one needs to coddle cis men, but general queer spaces are not the places to treat queer cis men as dangerous or unwelcome or to randomly vent about men without checking in. (Generally you should be checking in before venting, by the way, this goes out the window way too much in progressive spaces.)

Queer men are already treated as dangerous and unwelcome by society for being queer. Men of color are already treated as dangerous and unwelcome by society for not being white. When queer spaces treat cis men as dangerous and unwelcome, they are repeating those societal patterns toward queer men and men of color.

Intersectionality means recognizing that privilege does not cancel out oppression as much as it means oppression does not cancel out privilege. All queer people face harm by society, all queer people need safe queer spaces. Choosing a subset of queer people to exclude from general queer spaces isn’t okay, even if it’s a relatively privileged subset in one specific way.

There are a lot of posts talking about how exclusion of cis men from queer spaces negatively impacts trans people of all stripes, and that is true and worth taking about! But also: cis queer men deserve to be in queer spaces because they are queer. Their relative privilege in one area does not cancel out their experiences of oppression.

And it truly is “relative privilege in one area” because some queer cis men are disabled, neurodivergent, black, Asian, indigenous, mixed race, working class, and many other marginalized identities not determined by gender.

All queer people deserve queer safe spaces. Period.

[endykelopaedia]

"we [queer community] should be nicer to cis men because it'll also make us nicer to trans women who look like men" is a sentiment built up on such terminally online and blearingly transmisogynistic premises i dont even think swallowing the seeds & letting the grass grow inside you could save you

[justdavina]

Such a kissable transgender gurl! She's wonderful! She's adorable!

[bizarreaizen]

i will always dislike the stereotype that cisgender men are just beings who only think / care about sex, so my cis men out there who are asexual or just genuinely don't think sex is that important, you are seen and will always be valid :D /gen

[melonbottle]

I saw a someone mocking a post that said something like “masculinity needs to be embraced and celebrated for queer activism to move on” as being so online that you loop back into fighting for the status quo and fucking…. Oh my god are you fucking dense?

Do you really truly think that op was referring to typical masculine cis men? Like really?

Look me in the eye and tell me that butch women are celebrated for their masculinity the same way cis men are. Trans men? Trans women who hold onto parts of their masculinity? How about intersex women with beards? The list goes on.

That is the masculinity that needs to be embraced.

No one was saying we should throw a parade for Arnold Schwarzenegger for being the pinnacle of cis masculinity.

Fuck.

[hansoape]

warhammer dudes will treat the female characters in the nastiest way. Degrade Celestine's and Yvraine's characters to nothing but waifu bait. Talk about what they'd like to do to sororitas with consent optional. Gleefully describe what a daemonculaba is and act like its so cool and edgy. But the minute female fans and queers start to talk about finding a male character attractive NAW that's where they draw the line. How dare we find Titus handsome. Filthy perverts degenerates all of us. Its apparently too much for them and they get really, really mad about it. Stay pissy you gross ass weirdos, your hypocrisy stinks through the walls

[moociaoafterdark]

I genuinely need to travel into the same universe that the people that say "there are too many artists that focus on sexy space marines and/or make them gay" come from, because if you write "sexy space marine" or "sexy astartes" into the search you get only FEMALE space marines/FEMstartes, not the bara/bear heaven. Until the day the reverse happens, I will not stop drawing sexy bara space marines, and none of y'all have any right to complain or try to stop me.

[trixxedheart]

It is amazing how the "people that love and uplift transwomen" website will instantly fucking maul a transwoman if she even remotely insinuate that using radfem rhetoric harms trans people

[anarcho-catboyism]

"You don't need HRT to be valid, you are just as valid without HRT" Is 1000% true, and yet Cis people really love saying that to trans people specifically seeking out HRT.

Like we get it you don't want us on those scary hormones.

[genderqueerdykes]

is it entirely possible for me to want to, like, identify as cis AND trans ? for context I was born female, but I'm a transman .. To put it simply .. And I have an odd and confusing relationship with my womanhood, but it feels right in a way to say I'm a transman but also transfem ?? Buf like, cis trans man and transfem. Does this, work ?? I could probably ramble for hours about why I want to use both these labels. But I'm not sure if it'd be, disrespectful ?? misusing the terms ?? Just plain odd ??

Your blog is incredibly informative and your answers are as well so, yeah. can I use the labels transman and transfem.

yes! this absolutely works!!!!!

you are the type of person i've made a ton of posts about and i hope you don't mind if i'm kinda long winded here because i've been begging people to understand folks like you exist for weeks now and people just keep calling me transmisogynistic and it's absurd, i had no idea so many people didn't know your identity existed. here are some of the posts i've made about bigender cis men/transfems:

there is a long, long history of people who identify as cis men and a trans woman or transfem person. this is so common it's unreal. back in the 50's and 60's a lot of drag queens had this exact relationship with gender- sometimes presenting as cis men, or maybe still presenting as femme but being men. there were femme gays hanging out at the drag bars flirting with men and lesbians- identifying as femmes and men. there were drag balls held by people who had this exact relationship with gender going on around the time. you can read about a lot of these people in leslie feinberg's works actually!

the thing is is being cis doesn't cancel out being trans. bigenderism is complicated. if someone wants to consider both of their identities trans, they can. if someone wants to consider themselves cis and trans, they can! you are not in the wrong for being this gender! i've met so many people in your shoes! i lived with a lot of transfems for a while and a lot of them were cis men and trans women at the same time! a lot of trans women still feel like cis men, especially gay men. that's totally fine!

im really glad you took the time to send this ask because this is what i mean when i say that it's not okay to shit on cis men in the queer community or in general because cis men *can be queer*. you can be a cis man and a trans woman or any other number of genders at the same time and it doesn't not invalidate your transness! they don't have to cancel each other out, they exist at the same time independently of one another and it's a beautiful thing!

if you'd like to talk about it, please feel encouraged to do so! i've been trying to get people to understand people like you are out there and to not be shitty to people who are or read as cis men. it's okay to be a cis man and another queer identity! i think you rock! there are a ton of bigender cis men/transfems out there! you are not alone!

[anarchist-bean]

Unpopular Opinion:

If it’s “all men,” then it’s “all women too.”

I find it inherently problematic that cis women are often in a place of privilege when they are the abuser. When male or queer victims report abuse - they’re often ignored, dismissed, and ridiculed.

As a person myself that has lived experiences from both perspectives (I’m nonbinary & intersex), I encourage everyone to stop engaging in black and white thinking. We must STOP talking and thinking in binaries.

I’ve been abused by just as many women in my life as I have men. The difference being how they abused me and how they were able to conceal it.

It is much easier for cis women to attempt to deny, attack, and reverse the roles of victim and offender (DARVO) a situation in which they were originally the abuser, because we live in a society that gives deference to cis women on the belief that they’re weaker than the opposite sex.

I’m not saying all of this lightly, I’m speaking from having personal experience with being abused by a variety of genders/sexes, it’s not only one specific gender or sex that can cause harm or be abusive.

Abuse has no set sex or gender.

[pickled-flowers]

Ok so a while back I had a conversation with my friend's aunt. She's a trans woman well into her 50, who has kids and grandkids, and she came out when she was in her 40's. Me and my friends were talking about our queer space, and mentioned the well known "token cishet man"

Now, I'm sure most of us have that guy in our friend group, and it was common for us to just call him the straight guy. But my friend's aunt offered a different perspective ; she once was that token cishet man in a queer group of friends. Getting categorized so strongly as "the cis straight guy" made it harder for her to come out and accept herself. Since that talk with her, I've been careful about it, and guess what? Two women I've once called "the straightest person I know" (different occasions, and it was high school) now have girlfriends! You literally cannot know if someone is queer, and honestly most people are not the straight cisest person out there.

Anyways I'm not very articulate and English is not my friend but like I think everyone would benefit from being a little more careful about the way we treat our "token straight guy", she might be thankful later!

[justdavina]

Amy! I would chat with her when I had a Tik-Tok account.

[rouge-the-bat]

when i see people against using the term transandrophobia its all "just men trying to steal the spotlight from women again" "trans men just keep bandwagoning on things trans women are already doing" "they dont experience things as badly as trans women do" "terfs focus more on trans women so we should be talking just about that" "theyre just using this to say that TRANS WOMEN are their opressors!! its just transmisogyny!" "a bunch of TME people and theyfabs trying to say they have it worse"

then i see people that actually talk about transandrophobia and theyre just. in their own communities discussing the problems they face, trying to get people to not completely ignore their issues, and that they deserve to be treated decently and not as evil or that theyve become worse or betraying women for transitioning into their proper gender.

i think yall who hate these discussions are just falling into queer terminology discourse and oppression olympics and infighting (and radfem juice for sure), all of which we say again and again does nothing but help people that want all of us dead. this shit is stupid as fuck

[bizarreaizen]

aromantic and asexual cis men seriously need more recognition, they've been told that being a virgin above the age of 18 is weird and that all cis men are p0rn brained and they've seen that romance and sex is very important to a man and you need to have it or you're confirmed "lame" "boring" and a "virgin loser" /gen