#problem with too much break related free time is that I want to spend it doing anything but what I INTENDED on doing with it.

[great-cats]

[jelliedink]

DILF!Boss Headcannons

Warnings: manipulative behaviour, huge age gap. If you squint, you'll see this is slightly suggestive, but nothing explicit happens here. Author's note: hi my loves! If you guys don't know @sweet-as-an-angel do yourself a favor and check them out. Their Yandere!DILF series has built a 3-store mansion in my head and is living there rent free, so I just HAD to create another manipulative hot older man to call mine. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Take care!

Dividers by @cafekitsune.

Brain melting thinking about an older boss that realizes you find him attractive the moment you start working for him. He's sure he's got at least 20 years on you, but he can't help but feel flattered.

A boss that finds it delightful to toy with you a little bit: getting his face way too close to yours when he's reviewing your work, a hand gently rubbing your shoulders when giving you feedback. He tells himself that it's just "harmless fun", you're so cute trying to hide how flustered you are!

A boss that watches with curiosity how you grow on him more each day seeing how hard you work and how eager you are to learn everything he teaches you.

A boss who acts as a mentor professionally and insists you can confide in him with your life problems too. He's already lived everything you're going through now, and he just wants to see you thrive.

A boss that starts to invite you to a lot of work related events once summer break starts. His ex-wife is travelling with the kids and the house just feels so lonely without them.

A boss that, upon the discovery that you're single, is sure that the gods gifted you for him to turn into his perfect little doll.

A boss that likes to give you little gifts "for your hard work" every now and then, and they get increasingly more expensive.

A boss who's so subtle when blurring the lines between professional and personal relationships that the word "date" doesn't even cross your mind when he starts to invite you to non work related events.

"Have you seen this artist is coming to town with their new exposition?" "The weather is nice today, how about we visit the japanese garden to freshen up after spending the whole week inside the office?"

A boss who never corrects anyone who refers to you as a couple during your outings, and instead laughs it off, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and giving you a playful wink every time this happens. He even turns it into a internal joke, and soon you get used to hear him calling you his darling, his dear, his precious.

A boss that makes sure to have you yearning for him before making his move. Sometimes he kisses your hands when you're out together, always saying how lucky he is to have such a beautiful company, his lips gently running along your fingers. Other times he caresses your face when you go to him for advice. His hugs are tight, so his scent will linger on your clothes. He might even kiss the top of your head every now and then.

A boss who loves to see you getting used to having him always present in your life, getting flustered when he touches you in ways that are intimate just enough to keep you guessing.

A boss that thinks you're so beautiful and so hard working that he'll take how much time he needs to mould you into a perfect wife and a perfect mother for his children. He'll guarantee that your life will be so enmeshed with his that you'll never be able to leave him, even if you want to. This time he'll create a family so perfect that nothing will tear it apart.

A boss who knows he doesn't need to rush things because he's sure you'll be his in the end. You're so young, so malleable, and he's been playing this game for so much longer than you. He knows just what he needs to do to wrap you around his fingers.

[captaindysdexic]

My problem with Twisted Wonderland

As someone who used to consistently play every single day for months, I've got a lot of issues. Let me preface this by saying I know nothing I'm saying will change the game and how it runs, I just want to come here and rant about the game I used to love.

Rant below the cut

My biggest problem is how grindy the game is, especially as a strict f2p player.

As someone who's never spent money on the game, it is so easy to tell how much of a cash grab the game is. The people that work on the game care about it I'm sure, but it is so hard to do anything in this game.

It's hard to get SSR cards, not only because the Gacha system is hella fucked up, but because it's hard to get enough gems to get pulls. Yeah we've got weekly and the logins, but that's so not enough unless you save for a card months in advance.

When you're a new player they give you some leeway, lots of free stuff because all the easy missions are meant for that, but as you get further and further into the game it's extremely hard to get even a 10 pull unless you're on the game basically 24/7.

As someone who is rank 72- and again, played almost religiously for months- it's hard to enjoy the game.

And I know as the story goes on it's meant to be harder, but because of how little they give you it's hard to get past the story as it goes on. It's hard leveling cards up, especially the spells.

It would be nicer if they gave you more materials or gems, that would make all the grind worth it, but that's not how it is. Hell, even events barely give you any pulls and yet they expect you to spend hours doing lessons to unlock the chapters and leveling up the free cards. Someone who's f2p (in my and my friends experience) will find it hard to get motivation to continue playing.

I want to continue playing, I love the characters and the story, but it's so hard to level up cards, or get pulls, that it breaks my heart and makes me want to not continue because I know I won't ever get that card I want, that I won't be able to get past this chapter, that I won't be able to finish an event fully because of the system.

It's so obvious they don't care about f2p's because reruns and even some event banners are strictly p2p things. Rerun banners require special keys that are pay-walled, event banners like the anime expo ones or special non-event related ones are pay-walled, THEY'RE ALL PAY-WALLED.

To me it is extremely frustrating to know that the developers don't seem to care about the fan base at all.

I mentioned earlier about the Gacha system, which I find really, REALLY dumb. 100 pulls for a guaranteed SSR? 200 needed for the event SSR? That's so dumb! Even if you were p2p you'd have to have some extreme luck to get an event card before at least 70 (which it's hard to get if you're far in game and f2p). In my experience, all the event cards I have that are SSR's (WHICH IS 2 BTW, ive been playing since idia's groom event and only have TWO EVENT CARDS EVEN WITH CONSTANT GRIND) I had to do over 70-80 pulls for and spent weeks grinding for. Not to mention pity doesn't carry over to other banners.

Speaking of events, I swear to god the events are getting shorter and shorter every time. The Stitch event that just passed? I swear it only lasted 3-4 weeks, banners ended way too quickly for any f2p that wasn't saving to pull without extreme luck to get any SSR card, got forbid the event exclusive ones. I got like 25 pulls during that event and 10 of those were because it was Kalim's birthday. It's extremely dumb and next thing you know it events will be lasting only a week or two and you're probably fucked over.

Anyways, that's basically all I have to say. There are a lot of things that frustrate me, like how they do events and some characters stuff, but I can't bother to put it here because I'm not as pressed about that stuff as I am about the stuff I did talk about.

I'm aware that people probably won't read this, but it's nice to get off my chest y'know? I'm going to continue to play the game, but I'll never play as constantly as I did when I first started because it's so hard to play and find motivation for it anymore.

[zoeykallus]

Hey hey, dear queen! If you have the time and energy, would you mind writing about Fem!Reader being stressed/burned out with Crosshair. Maybe she works a job + the work she is doing with the batch. She's cranky out of energy and when Crosshair complains about that, she snaps/has a breakdown of sorts? How would he react? I wouldn't mind if you did the rest of the batchers in this scenario too, but I know you got much on your plate right now, so I picked my favorite 😊 thanks dear!

Aloha!

Oh dear, you have no idea how relatable this is for me these days 😵

I do have a lot on my plate, that's true. And I'm really late with all the requests, I'm sorry. Hm, let me see...

The Bad Batch x Reader - Burnout

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort/Burnout

___________

Life is especially tough right now, with multiple jobs, little to no free time, and too little sleep. This not only affects the body, but also the mood. Of course, your Batcher notices that something is wrong with you.

____________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

____________

>Master List<

Hunter

"What's wrong with you? You're so tense and impatient."

The way you quickly turn to look at him makes him pause, startled. Hunter is frozen in his movement and if you weren't so tense, you might find this sight, this moment, amusing.

You finally sigh and say, "I'm tired, and I want to finish here, stop dawdling."

Hunter frowns and resumes normal posture.

"We usually spend longer time loading equipment, chatting and stuff, don't we? Spend time together. When did you stop caring about that?"

He looks crestfallen, and you're sorry for reacting so harshly.

"Hunter, I have more jobs than just this one, I barely have any free time and I just want to go home today, as much as I usually enjoy spending this time here with you. If I miss public transportation again, I'm going to sit around here even longer."

Hunter blinks then sighs softly, of course he understands.

"You're going to break yourself" he says reprovingly and takes the box you just picked up from you, puts it down and reaches for your arm.

Hunter pulls you with him to his speeder.

"We're not done yet," you say, protesting.

"You're done here, I can do the rest on my own," he insists, getting on and waving you over, "Come on, jump on, I'll give you a ride home."

"But-"

"No arguments, get on."

You do as you're told and mumble a small thank you to him, ashamed that you've been barking at him.

You hear him laugh softly and say, "No problem, now hold on tight".

Echo

You don't even have to tell him that you are overworked, he already knows that you have more than one job and that you don't sleep enough. The reproachful look he gives you slowly drives you crazy.

"What's your problem, Echo? Why the hell are you looking at me like that all the time?"

He snorts and says, "I'm waiting for you to keel over at any moment."

Surprised, you pause.

"What?"

"You want me to spell it out? You heard me the first time."

You grab his arm and turn him around to face you as he continues to work.

"Excuse me, mister, what's your problem?"

He pulls away, grabs you by your upper arms and urges you onto a crate, so you can sit down. Echo looks at you so urgently that you forget for a long moment how your voice actually works.

"You need to quit one of your jobs, you can't go on like this. You have rings under your eyes, you're agitated and restless, you seem rushed and overtired. I hope you don't quit this one, but one has to go. Eventually you'll fold, and the thought of you beating yourself up like that makes me angry - that's my problem."

Echo will not back down, no matter how you squirm and argue. He means well and is extremely stubborn and unyielding about it. Don't get into big discussions, you can't win against Echo.

Wrecker

He doesn't notice it as quickly as Echo, but he will notice it. Of course, he's concerned and gets to the bottom of it.

"You want to tell me what's going on with you?" he asks you as you load the equipment.

You look at him questioningly and pick up the next box.

"What's supposed to be going on?"

Wrecker shrugs his broad shoulders and says, "Well, you seem really beat, tired. You're slower than usual, your eyes are all small, so either you've taken some drugs or you've barely slept."

You sigh softly and laugh humorlessly.

"I don't do drugs"

"That's what I thought" Wrecker says directly "So you're not sleeping enough, because you've been having that a lot lately"

"Yeah, my second job is more demanding than I thought"

"A second job huh?"

You nod and grab the next box, but Wrecker takes it out of your hand.

"Today I'm doing this alone" he says sternly.

"But-"

"Don't argue, you're overworked," he growls.

"But-"

"No, not today."

Wrecker will take as much off your hands as he can, but he'll also point out that you're only one person, and can't work for three.

"If you're short on credits we can pool, but credits won't do you any good at all if you wreck yourself."

Tech

He stops in the middle of your work and watches you. Suddenly you hear him sigh. When you look at him, he shakes his head. You are overtired, feeling drained, and already feel that you have no patience today, but you look at him and ask as calmly as you can, "What is it, Tech?"

He shakes his head again and says, "You are particularly slow and sluggish today, our teamwork is not very effective today thanks to you."

Somewhat tense, you say, "My deepest apologies," and continue working.

Tech frowns, adjusts his goggles with his right index finger and asks, "That sounded irritated. Are you irritated?"

You suppress a sigh and say as neutrally as possible, knowing he's not to blame for your condition, "I'm trying not to be."

"So you are?"

Now you do sigh and put down the box of equipment you just picked up.

"Yes, Tech. Can we move on now, please?"

Tech blinks a few times, then resumes. He tries not to tease you further or ask questions for now. But after work, on his way to the barracks, he passes the public transportation stop where he sees you sitting. You are sitting next to the station, your face in your hands. As he gets closer, he hears you sobbing softly. You look up startled from reddened eyes as he says your name.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, puzzled.

"Missed my ride. Now I'm sitting here for an hour, an hour I can't get back."

Tech blinks and asks, "And that's a reason to cry?"

"When you have multiple jobs, no free time, and barely any time to sleep, yes, that is a reason to cry"

His brows move up in surprise.

"Hence the sluggishness and irritability, now I understand the connections, I had wondered" he says quietly.

"Good for you," you say dryly.

Tech disappears for a moment, not two minutes later, however, he is back with his speeder.

"May I offer to drive you home?"

You wipe the tears from your face and laugh.

"That would be awesome, Tech"

As you climb up behind him, he says, "You need to cut back, get rid of at least one of the jobs"

"You say that so easily"

Tech raises his famous finger and says, "How about we sit down at your place and work it all out, find a better option for you?"

You yawn but nod, "Yeah, that might not be a bad idea"

"It is, after all, one of my ideas"

Crosshair

You've been tense all the time today, giving curt answers and even seeming a bit disoriented now and then, as if you had to rearrange yourself. Crosshair observes this critically for quite a while, but says nothing at first. But when you try to put the wrong clip into the blaster for the third time, he's had enough.

"What the hell is wrong with you? That's the wrong mag!"

Crosshair takes the magazine out of your hand and gives you the right one.

You snort in annoyance and say, "Happens to everyone."

"No," he insists, "You usually know these things off the top of your head."

You snap back, "I'm just tired, okay, just let me get on with it"

"You've been beside yourself all day" Crosshair grumbles.

You lower the gun belt you were about to equip and say, "It's just a shitty day today"

"Why?"

"I'm tired"

"You said that already. But why is that? Bad dreams or something?"

He can tell you're about to snap, he's just not sure yet if you're going to fold or freak out. Of course, he notices how hard it is for you to keep it together.

"I have several jobs, not just this one," you finally admit, "Lots of work, hardly any sleep. Every single one of these jobs is pretty demanding in one way or another. My batteries just don't charge anymore"

"Then you have to quit at least one job. It doesn't work like that, you can't go on like that in the long run."

You throw your arms in the air and say, "But I need the credits"

"So you're in a financial bind?"

You pull your shoulders up helplessly.

"Still can't go on like this, you're going to drop dead on me here one of these days, and I'm not cleaning up the mess".

You laugh softly and say, "How empathetic."

"Shall we go over your finances together? Maybe I'll see something you overlooked, a loophole, or a better option in general"

You are so moved, you could almost cry.

"Okay, now don't start crying," Crosshair says immediately, "It's just paperwork, I didn't propose or anything."

You laugh again and finally nod.

"Okay, I'd like to accept that offer."

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

@starwarsnerd111

[reikiajakoiranruohoja]

HH Critical- Alastor thoughts

Critical of Hazbin Hotel, if you do not want to hear critique, do not read.

As time has gone on and I have heard multiple takes on Hazbin Hotel, I have gotten some ideas about exactly why Alastor feels so flat to me.

The show spends more time propping Alastor up than challenging him. Up until the last episode, Alastor is treated mostly as a powerful badass who can beat up anyone. Only Zestiel and Lucifer seem more powerful, and even then we never see any sort of conclusion to the Lucifer vs Alastor fight.

Alastor is a main character and basically the mascot of Hazbin Hotel. Yet he mostly serves as the devil on Charlie's shoulder in the first season. This would be fine if he served as a static character like Monokuma or Kyubei, but he clearly is meant to have depth.

Suggestion: Have Alastor pick more fights he can't win. We are shown that he is a sociopath who enjoys the suffering of others. Sociopaths who murder often get caught because they lack fear and get too arrogant. Alastor should have to fight to get back his overlord status and lose some fights due to arrogance.

Alastor's race and faith are window dressing. There is absolutely no weight to either Alastor being a mixed-race person from the 20s or him practising Voodoo. Both exist mostly to justify his shadow powers. Alastor also seems to get his power for 'free' as he does nothing in the series that even hints of worship.

Suggestion: Actually address both aspects. Voodoo especially (with the right research) could be interesting to tackle as the faith is a combination of Catholicism and African Diaspora faiths mixing. What does it mean to be a non-Christian in hell? How is his relationship with the pantheon? Does Alastor feel abandoned by his Loa?

Alastor doesn't have anything to do for most of the series. Aside from trolling Vox, Alastor basically leers in the background for most episodes until the very end. He has no goals or anything driving him but amusement. While at the end we know he HAS an overarching goal, it is in the last minutes of the last episode.

Suggestion: Alastor is most likely doing what he is doing because Lillith is pulling his leash. Give him moments of small rebellion and show him trying to find ways out. At first, it might seem he is just stealing for lolz, but every item is chosen as a way to get free.

General suggestions;

Show how meaningless it is to be an overlord. Hell has a lot of opportunities for its citizens, different ecosystems and cultures to live in and chances to make it big for everyone. The Sinners get none of that and are stuck in the Pride ring. Overlords are just slightly bigger fish in an aquarium, they have more power but are as much prisoners as the regular Sinners.

This should be shown more clearly with glimpses of Goetia nobles, the Deadly Sins and the like. Both Alastor and Vox should lose their audience to Verosika or Fizzarolli, nevermind Asmodeus.

Make Alastor's main goal a quest to leave the Pride Ring. Relating to the above, Alastor wants real power, he doesn't want to be chained in any way. Being close to Charlie and her being in his debt are stepping stones to true freedom in hell.

Showcase the lines he won't cross, then make him suffer for them. One of the tried and true ways to develop a character is to challenge their morality and resolve. Especially with characters as powerful as Alastor, it is important to know what could actually hurt them. Put his quest for power against his care for Mimzy and make him choose. Offer him what he wants but at the cost of his morality. The point is not to break him but to challenge him.

These are just a few suggestions I've had, but I feel they cut to the root of my problem with Alastor.

[foster-the-world]

I love

I love when I get to hang out with any of my kids one on one. We need to make concentrated efforts to do it more often. I'm home with baby boy all week while my husband took the girls to Cali to see his parents/sister.

Baby boy is so much fun alone (as I've said a million times). We went to the Children's Museum and the MOMA kids art lab. Kids art lab was underwhelming but he enjoyed himself. Did a quick walk through of the art. He wasn't too impressed.

We had an indoor monkey bar system set up yesterday. It took the guys a lot longer then they planned. Last night I was regretting the choice. Felt a little too risky. I think I know how we can make it safer. Its supposed to be a part of his sensory diet. We used some funds we got when the DOE reimbursed for some OT costs.

Rebel was sick Thursday night. Thankfully fine all day Friday. Flew out very early on Saturday. His parents picked them up with masks and dropped them off at a hotel. They were supposed to go right to the cousins house and were scheduled to stay with his parents. I guess his parents were worried about the stomach bug. Which is understandable but I thought it was rude not too let my husband know beforehand. He got up at 4am to take two kids on a six hour flight by himself. He would have warned the girls they were expected to go isolate in a hotel room. Of course, my husband is a Saint and just went along with it. If my parents didn't see my girls for three months there is zero chance they would give up even one hour with them - sick or not. And they weren't even sick anymore. She never had a fever. Threw up 36 hours before. Anyway not my rodeo.

Baby boys ezcema is not good. His poor little cheeks. I guess its just the cold weather.

My own scalp is so, so, so itchy. Before the last month I've never in my life had this problem. No dandruff just itchy/burning. Its not a super bad pain level but its nonstop. It keeps me awake at night. I'm assuming its related to the low iron and the hair loss. Not sure what to do. Trying shampoos right now. Probably need to do some kind of eating changes but not sure exactly what and also don't want to. My skin is also itchy but that's less persistent. The skin is also something I'm used to when the weather gets cold like this.

DOE is giving new options for baby boy since they can't find providers. I'm on the fence. It involves a different school. Its not far away, is an inclusive classroom (8 special ed kids, 8 gen ed), would include all providers (OT, PT and speech) , and would include free summer camp which also includes all providers. These are all big benefits. Its a fancy private school - which is not our vibe. I guess they reserve some DOE spots. I don't really want my poorly behaved (but o so sweet) black boy to be a scholarship kid (in essence) in a school full of rich white kids. In their defense I think by private school standards it is more diverse then most. I don't want my kids to grow up with kids who think spending $60K a year for school is normal. I think it just gives a view of the world I don't want them to have. But that's more of a concern for older grades. Not an issue for 4yo's. He can go back to our little public school for K. We need to figure out a place for providers and this maybe our best option. The free summer camp is a big draw. I need somewhere that can handle kids like him. One that is paid for and includes his services would be a huge win. They do swimming lessons and teach Spanish. He's actually picking up some Spanish vocabulary (numbers, colors, animals) so a place where that can grow would be great. DOE is setting up a tour after winter break. I'm sure its a very nice facility. Let's see how it goes. I won't hold my breathe until a solution is actually implemented.

[atley01]

This disability pride month, I'm left with conflicted feelings.

Whenever I post about disability-related things online, I always try to give my community optimism and hope. I know how much suffering can result from having health issues, and sometimes, you just need a break from dwelling on it. I want to provide fellow disabled people a break from the slippery slope of doom that dwelling can lead to.

But the more I do that, the more that I fear I'm showing an inaccurate representation of disability. That I am painting an image of disability to be something "struggle free all the time and nothing more than a 'unique character trait.'"

Being disabled isn't easy. You're living in a world not meant for you. And you get reminded of that every day. You might think its easier to mask if you're able to, but all that does is dig you into a deeper hole. Sure, I can suppress my tics. Sure, I can mask my autism. Sure, I can try my best to hide my POTS symptoms. I can act like my tinnitus isn't giving me headaches and making it difficult to function in society. I can act like my chronic pain isnt making me want to collapse to the floor. I can pretend I dont need a mobility aid.

Sometimes, though, you arent given the choice on if you hide it or not. And then that whole facade tumbles down. And you're left feeling a mix of embarrassment, shame, and anger. Embarrassed to be seen like that, shame that you may need help, and angry that your body did something against your will, again.

I started working 7 months ago. The first 3 months, I was so happy and proud of myself for being able to have the privilege of holding down a job. By the 4th month, I had some doubts about how long I could hold my job down. Here I am, 7 months in, and Im realizing yet again that I am not as able-bodied as I expected myself to be. The thought that I may have to find a less physically demanding job terrifies me. I feel immense shame for struggling to handle a part-time job physically.

I think what really solidified this for me was when I passed out at my job last month. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but the fact of the matter is I blacked out, and I didn't get to decide I "wasn't going to." That scared me. Or maybe what solidified it for me was when my tinnitus prevented me from being able to understand customers and coworkers. Maybe it was when I had to mask and suppress a tic attack to the best of my ability. Maybe it was when I touched something that triggered my sensory issues, and I was simply too busy to regulate myself, so I had to spend my time dissociating to forget the feeling.

When you're young and you're disabled, it's difficult to be taken seriously. People think you're being dramatic, or they think its something you're doing to be causing all the health problems. "Have you tried changing your diet?" / "It's growing pains." / "Your leg hurts? Did you bang it on something?" / "Give it a few days. You'll feel better." The search for accommodation and validity is made even harder when doctors refuse to listen. Sadly, the medical system is not immune to being abelist. You can't request accommodations if doctors document you as able-bodied.

I have never claimed to be a voice for my community. I am a voice for nobody but myself. Maybe in sharing my Expirences, someone else can feel less alone. Or maybe this is unique to me alone.

Am I proud to be disabled?

I think that in some ways, yes. I am proud of what I have accomplished in spite of my health. I am proud that I have found tools to manage my health. I am proud to say I am a part of an amazing community such as the disabled community, and I am proud of what we've accomplished.

I dont think I am proud of the abelism, shame, or pain through. Im not sure anyone could be. If you are, I truly envy you. I am proud that despite the pain, I push forward. But I wonder if that's an unhealthy habit to encourage. To push my limits and ignore my body, screaming at me to give it rest.

This disability pride month, Im reflecting on my health and how it affects me, and taking the time to be patient with myself. Because Im doing all that I can, I do not need to hold myself to the standards that able-bodied people are held to. That is an impossible standard for me to reach.

Im going to celebrate the small victories. This time last year, I was passing out multiple times a week, and I overall had more tic attacks. Now, my fainting has been almost non-existent, and my tic attacks- while they do still happen - have noticeably been less frequent.

If you made it this far, please be kind to yourself, and happy disability pride month. You are allowed to be upset by the things your disability puts you through. You're doing the best you can. I see you, and Im proud of you.

[ilovemilfsthings]

HEADCANONS ; being a step mom for luka’s kids

you been never such a family person, always thinking that focus on yourself would be better choice.

that was your opinion in most time on your life, everything change after you met luka. you were avoiding relationships, because of your past. but luka was different, he was kind, understanding, caring etc. you fell for him so easily and hard.

for a few months of your relation with modric, you don’t know about his kids, because he was scared that you would leave him after this information.

but you will never leave him, of course when he told you about his family, you’ve shocked. but in the same time you want to meet them so badly.

it was luka’s day to take care of children and you want to be with him this day. you never has a parents figure whereby you think, that you don’t have a mother instinct.

but when you met them you quickly love them, they were identical that their father. not only in their appearance, but also in the personality.

you met they in every weekend, and everyone can tell that his children loves you so much. but everything change when vanja declared that she want finally a free time, because the kids made her tired. in your opinion it was very childish of her, but you and luka take children in your house with opened arms.

you have worked at home, so you can spend a lot of time with kids. you know everything about them, and tried to give them everything you can. even that they aren’t your real kids.

you were sitting in the living room with computer on your lap. you were focused in article you are edit, but a high male voice took your attention. when you saw crying ivano, you immediately stand up of the coach. “what’s going on honey, something happened?” you asked, wiped his tears away. “nobody wants to play with me, why they don’t like me?” he hugged you and hide his face in your neck. tears was shining in yours eyes too, but you can’t show him this. “baby, don’t think about yourself like that, okay? you are incredible and you’re the best, and this is just their loss, if they don’t wanna to play with you” you try to comfort him, because this sight breaks your heart. “if you want i can play with you” you offered with big smile on face. “i want, you’re the best mom”

ema is totally in love with you, she loves how you enjoy her games, she always came to you when she has simple or serious problems.

you were just chilling and watching the tv, when ema decided to sit next to you, hugged your side. “what’s up, sweetie?” you smiled at her, embraced her tightly. “nothing, i just want to tell you, that i love you. im happy, that you are with dad” you chuckled and kissed her forehead.

and finally sofia, she was just a little girl when she started to live with you and luka. so she treat you like a real mom, for first time when she called you “mom” you feel weird. but very soon, you loved hear that.

today was only you’re and sofia’s day, luka has all day training, so you decided to take your step daughter to the playground. she absolutely love that idea, she loves that place. she also loved your attention, so it wasn’t weird when she called your name, when she go to slide. “mommy please help me” she called again, wanted to go down. you just put big smile on your face.

hope you like it!

[skyler10fic]

Public journaling because I need to get this out:

I'm having reflux/GERD induced by my anxiety disorder among other stress related things.

This anxiety is often triggered by spending time engaging with how awful the world is.

I do want to help raise awareness, make the world a better place, be a more informed voter, and do my duty to give everyone resources to do the same.

I cannot keep engaging with this reality at the current rate.

I struggle to set boundaries with my scrolling because it's my highest level/easiest accessible connection point with other people and something for my ADHD brain to focus on.

I cannot simply stay focused because of the ADHD. It is an inability.

At home, I do other things, like household tasks.

But I'm required to be in the office three days a week. Half days are an unofficial/coincidental accomodation.

When I'm at the office, I don't have little tasks to do. Everything is (honestly quite boring) deep thinking, high concentration work.

I cannot "just get a new, more interesting job" in a field that was always highly competitive and has been dying for 20 years. My job is very good for pay and benefits in comparison to others in my field.

So the key is I need a way to engage with people and work with my brain that isn't working against it: neither doomscrolling nor shaming myself into just staring at the screen and forcing myself to work at a slower pace so I don't have so much extra time. I can't just tell my brain not to be bored or not to need distractions.

If I get up from my desk at the office, I'm supposed to count it as break time. So I can't go on walks on the clock. If I take lots of breaks, that adds to the amount of time I'm physically at the office and cuts down on free time. (I do take 30 minute lunch and occasionally 15 minutes here and there.)

My group chats are great, but my friends have busy lives with lots of other things going on so it's not the frequency and volume of Twitter and Threads.

Almost all of my friends are far away, and the people physically close to me have resisted my efforts to increase emotional closeness and depth. They are all in for hanging out, but uncomfortable with emotions or vulnerability or friendship beyond "people I do preorganized activities with."

I can't eliminate the brain need through ADHD meds because of my liver problems (thanks for that, Strattera extremely rare side effects) and other medical risks the doc is not willing to take. Psych doc also says I need to show a positive result on the computerized ADHD $5k test my insurance doesn't pay for (created for hyperactive boys, not high achieving adult women who perform well on tests) to really consider my "attention issues" as for sure ADHD despite EVERY other medical professional verbally diagnosing me. I definitely have ADHD. This is not a question. But there doesn't seem to be a med solution anyway.

Possible solutions I'm working on:

1. More library books I can sneak glances at or listen to on my phone

2. Lists, curated social media experiences, joining more happy/low-stress groups

3. Boundaries, muting words, blocking abundantly

4. Under desk bike helps a lot when I'm not too tired

5. Standard GERD reduction tips and other physical health care

6. Mental health care

7. Listen to soothing ASMR at night

8. Physical self care (food, exercise, hydration, sleep, etc)

I think if I didn't have the ADHD creating a need that the doom sites solve (and by solve, I mean meet the immediate need by creating different problems), this would be easier. It isn't simple "addiction." It's higher up the logical food chain than that.

Today this came to a head with some emotional dysregulation: there is a big personal issue with someone I trusted potentially being a bad guy, and I can't talk about it with my local friends because they won't understand OR they are his coworkers, who can't discuss the situation with me for understandable HR reasons.

Add that stress on to the national / global doom written on the wall for political reality and history and life as we know it, and then there are Oppression Olympics competitors yelling at us that we're privileged , spoiled brats if we're upset because THEY have been marginalized worse than us and THEY aren't fazed or distressed because they are so morally superior to us BABIES who are apparently new here....

Blah blah blah

Anyway. I would very much like to get rid of this stress response in my digestive system so I can eat normal food.

[seoafin]

please free to ignore this if you’re not comfortable talking about it but i saw in a previous post you mentioned in the tags that you got into a huge fight with your best friend last year because you felt she didn’t put in enough effort on her end and i feel like i’m on the brink of going through this right now 😭

i’ve been friends with this girl for over 13 years now and love her to death but sometimes i feel as if my presence gets taken for granted. i feel like she believes she doesn’t have to put in much effort into our friendship anymore because i’ve been around for so long so there’s no way i’m gonna leave…and i HATE it!! there’s so much i have to say but i don’t even know where to start.

this is also semi related to my feelings on this but we have a third friend as well who we consider our best friend (corny to say but we’re a trio) but i feel this way towards her too sometimes. these past few months she got in a relationship and she while she definitely talked to us, she talked to us less and less in favour of her boyfriend (uni def played a part in this but she talked to him daily while we were lucky if we heard from her) but this past week lots happened and they ended up breaking up. this is genuinely the most i’ve heard her talk about her life with us in MONTHS and while i’m glad she did i’m a little bitter that she realized she should break up with him after some guy she befriended told her how trashy he is while i’ve been telling her that for MONTHS for it to fall on deaf ears.

it’s so annoying and i feel so stupid constantly putting in all this effort into these friendships giving all this advice for it to be ignored and be reciprocated back in lazy ways (they both give horrible lazy advice to me the rare times i have asked for it and it ends up just making me feel stupid).

i actually don’t know what i wanted out of dumping this in your asks but i just feel a little insane currently and think i’m crazy and care too much about little things. i feel so obsessive over these friendships and every little thing that happens while i know those two don’t think twice about it 😭 i guess i’m asking for advice on how to be less co-dependent? idk but you definitely don’t need to answer this if you don’t want, i know it’s A LOT to unpack and ur not a therapist…it’s very weird i’m dumping this here i sincerely apologize…

i do hope you’re having a fantastic day!!

i think what helped me the most was the realization that (cue that tumblr post) you can't force reciprocation. sometimes relationships and friendships will fizzle out. in the end all you can do is look back on and appreciate the time you did spend with them. there's no such thing as a wasted relationship. the only thing i can say is talk to them! i know how exhausting it can be to continuously be the one reaching out and how sad it is thinking you're the only one with any stake in the relationship

if you decide that this is a relationship worth preserving then you need to sit them down and talk to them. if they still don't understand then it's not worth it. let them go! i will say upon talking to my friend she did promise to try more and do better. and while she hasn't completely done that 100% i think i was at a point in my life where i recognized that our friendship wasn't going to be the same as it was when we were constantly seeing each other almost every day in hs. i can't keep on holding on to the past when we're completely different people! i'd say we're in a good place now. not as close as we once were but close enough that i don't need to rely on her when i go through life crises. i also don't harbor any resentment towards her anymore. as for being less co-dependent i think it's important to still be able to talk about your problems to a friend but i wouldn't look for emotional fulfillment in them if that makes sense? either find another friend or acknowledge that the advice they offer you comes from a place that doesn't necessarily have your best interests. rant to them but don't hinge your hopes on emotional reciprocation or a resolution. sometimes, just talking helps! you don't need to seek out an answer. also taking up a hobby doesn't hurt.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

Hi! I’d like a little bit of advice, if that’s okay. I don’t have any close friends I can tell this to, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

So here’s the gist: my FP and I have been on and off contact for about two years now, and last November I was under the impression that i was going to cut all contact forever. Fast forward until maybe two days ago, I see them checking out my story, and I miss them a ton so of course I say ‘hello what are you doing here silly goose. You’re not supposed to be here.’ And they say ‘I just wanted to check up on you. I’ve had a lot of trouble moving on.’

So we start talking again and they tell me they’re doing okay and that they realised some things that may make staying in contact a whole lot easier, and it HAS. Except for one thing.

We don’t have the same problems we did before but for this one issue: they’re addicted to their work and they don’t make time for me.

I don’t know if it’s just me being batshit needy or whatever, but it’s literally only been two days, and the lack of attention from them is physically painful. I don’t know how they’re doing on the other side of it and I’m too scared to bring it up, but all of our interactions so far have been very friendly and affectionate and fine.

However, if this need for attention and depression about not getting it ISN’T an overreaction, what do I do?

Their work comes first, I know that, and they know that. It’s non-negotiable, really. I don’t think they’ll make any changes if I ask them to spend more time together, or if they do, I’m scared they’ll get upset about it.

We also both know that I prefer spending a lot of time together.

Being with them but not “with” them is really painful for me, and it’s only been two days. I feel myself slipping into another depression already, the intense kind that I only ever got when we were in contact.

Should I ask to spend more time together? In the past, that sort of request would have made them really moody and avoidant, but since they’ve grown a little, I wonder if it’ll be okay.

We started out irl but then we became long distance, btw, so naturally spending time together is really difficult. It’s just that they’re always ALWAYS doing something else, even when they have free time. It just feels kind of pointless to hold my heart out for them when they’re not with me.

Is the problem me? Should we talk it out or should I just cut contact again?

-

🍀 anon

Without knowing the full details of your situation, it sounds like they ARE genuine about missing you - while, albeit, ALSO having the problem of being obsessed with their work. And again, I don't know the full details of their/your situation. If they're genuinely in such an awful work environment where they have no time for other relationships whatsoever, that's one thing....but if they're using that as an excuse to choose work over you, that is very much not a cool move, in my opinion.

(And even if the first option is true, I'd like to believe that some sort of compromise can still exist? Like at bare minimum they could dedicate their breaks and time off to you??? I may be misunderstanding the situation, but it sounds like they're NOT doing that, in which case I am truly sorry, wtf.)

I don't think you're needy or overreacting at all. I mean, there's nothing wrong at all with being "needy" or "overreacting" - but even so, I still don't think that's the case, as your reactions are VERY human especially for a human with NPD. But I also understand (and also i applaud YOU for the fact that YOU understand) that their work does genuinely come first. I like to believe that's not a choice - because if it was a choice, and they'd consistently choose work over you, that'd def be a problem. But if something not in your or their control, God, I can totally understand and relate to how that's painful on ALL ends.

I don't think you're the problem at all, and I do think it is possible to negotiate in some way. Like I said, them dedicating their days off to you could be an excellent first step, and I do think you should try to bring this up/propose this idea in the most comfortable ways possible for you. Without knowing the nature of their work, would it be possible/make you feel better if you reached out to them through the day, just so you know they're there reading your messages and will respond to them when they get a chance? Or of course if the thought of being left on read/delivered makes things worse, obviously this is something you SHOULDN'T do, but if it's ok with you that may be a great way to help you feel more connected and give you a bit of an extra push to keep them in the loop of YOUR life.

I hope that helped - let me know if you'd like further advice!

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

Hi, this is the girl who sent you the message about your favorite canon and non-canon 🥰

(Ignore if there is a wrong word or phrase out of context, I'm Brazilian and I'm writing this using Google Translate)

I'm sorry if I didn't explain it correctly, I wanted to say that I love that you bring this information (plot headcanon), and I mentioned that you forgot a headcanon that if I remember correctly, was mentioned. That's what Marcela says that she would ask Mario to be the best man at her wedding with Armando, I hope I explained it better now. ☺️

But I loved knowing that these are your favorite headcanons!!! Patricia's - oh, I love this crazy woman even though I can't stand her sometimes (most of the time) 😭🩷, I also like the one with Mario and Armando's (I really imagine the headaches they must have given their parents during their adolescence together). I didn't remember that Daniel bite his nails when stressed, but I remember him bringing candy to Marcela, a cute side of him that we hardly see lol.

And about noncanons: I believe that Nicolas doesn't know how to cook anything is super canon 🤣

Marcela always waiting for her dad to come home— it breaks my heart to imagine that, but I believe it happened.

Yesss, I also firmly believe that Armando was a very troubled teenager, one of those “problem teenagers”, it’s practically canon for me.

I also agree with what you wrote about the Valencias: what you said about Daniel having to mature quickly when he was practically still a child, and now being almost a teenager trapped in an adult's body, really enters my mind and how I I believe it's real, it explains a lot about the character even though it doesn't justify many of his attitudes (as well as those of others too). I feel as if he had a greater affection and desire to protect more Marcela than Beata, of course he loves them, but he tried to take more care of Marcela. That little girl who was daddy's favorite, who was very attached to them and who was more “sentimental” (I believe that Marcela was a very sentimental girl, even though she might not show it much) than Maria Beatriz, who I believe wasn't as close to them and always lived in her own world, and didn't even have time enough to think about his parents to the point of suffering from their absence. That's what I think.

In fact, I believe and have this noncanon in my head that Marcela was the typical intelligent girl (not a nerd), antisocial (with few, but some friendships) and insecure (despite being pretty) during her adolescence. The opposite of Beata, who has always been very extroverted, friendly and doesn't care what others thought/think of her (but I don't believe she was the typical mean girl, I believe she was that “nice girl” but with confidence, without being mean to anyone because that's not the vibe she gives to me). And I like to think that it was during Marcela's teenage years that she met Patricia 😂🥰, (although they have already commented that it wasn't during her adolescence? but anyway, I don't care) and I also have this image that Patricia had what Marcela didn't have: confidence during her adolescence, and she helped her with that. I can see Patricia putting Marcela's makeup on and the two of them laughing together, Marce saying things like: “I feel so ridiculous” or things like that and Patri saying "there's no reason for that", saying she's beautiful and other things. (Situations that I wish we had seen in screen 🥹, because you know, they have changed but they already had their cute moments and sides). I also see Beata doing this, but I believe she didn't have as much free time to spend with Marce.

Anyway, I loved reading your comments, you are awesome!!! And I would love to talk to you about everything related to YSBLF ��🩷🩷

Hi againnnn!🥰

Don't worry, it's okay! I see what you mean now, and you're right, I forgot about that canon detail!! I'm still writing my next "canon details" list so I'll definitely add that!! Marcela does mention that the day after she finds the letter!

Yessss, those are all little details that caught my attention! I love that they bring so much personality to these very alive characters!! And I'm glad you like my headcanons too🥰🥰🥰

Yes! I totally see what you mean. You can tell Daniel really does have a favorite sister, probably due to seeing how much it all hurt her. You can tell he has a very tender spot for her with all those candies and the way he straight up said multiple times that Marcela is the mot important thing in his life

We do see Marce was very antisocial! She doesn't like collection launches or going out, she says so herself, and we never see her with anyone else besides Patty as her friend so maybe she doesn't have many friends at all. We also know she's very good at her job so I totally agree that she was the kind to always study hard and focus on her goals. Regarding Beata, idk!! She is pretty mean. She trashtalks Betty behind her back... I think she's the kind who never ever would pass the opportunity to gossip! Like Bertha😆 but she isn't confrontational nor passive aggressive at all. She can definitely say rude things but it's mainly because of her lack of awareness lmao imo! I imagine her as being the type to inadvertedly create insecurities by mistake by saying tone deaf things like "omg girl!! I can give you the number of my surgeon so you can get the bypass and get your waist libe back!!" To someone who wasn't bothered by her weight till that moment lmaoooo she gives me those vibes, it's not ill intentioned but we know she isn't very socially aware

Patricia is definitely the type to hype her friend up! She actually does a few times in the show, although always making sure to remark that she is prettier than Marcela jajaja I love to think they also met during their teen years! Idk if it's ever mentioned un the show when they met, I can’t remember-- good thing I'm rewatching it again rn!😂😂

Awww I'm so glad you liked it!! I'd love to chat too, whenever you want you can send me a private message or an anon ask if you're more comfortable like that!🥰🫶

[dxfiedfxte]

Thread Continuation from here: X || @belovedblossoms

💘 - Yukari

Returning to the dorm after her own archery club, from earlier, Yukari had thought it would be best to take a little break for the rest of the day. And for her to be the only one in the main room, at least there was some peace and quiet until any others would return home too. She then heard the front door click open, seeing it was Minato coming in first as she waved to him with a smile. "Oh, Minato-kun, welcome back." Although at his request to invite her to join him at this horror movie marathon, Yukari's blood ran cold as her face grew pale. "H...horror marathon...?" her voice squeaked, "W-why would you want me to go?" Considering her strong fear of ghosts and most things terrifying, one would think Minato wouldn't even as her in the first place. Well, she isn't as terrified of them as she used to be, but still! Yet, perhaps it was the courteous thing to do? Maybe this could be another way for her to be a little more brave by watching these things. And even the little additional comment to be there when she would be scared was a little reassuring through teasing. And it was working--making the student bring some life back to her cheeks with a blush. Maybe...it couldn't be totally bad?

"Umm...I guess if it's just you it couldn't be so bad. But don't you scare me while we're there or I'll leave you there in the theater!" she pointed at him, a serious look on her face until she then sighed and got up from the couch. "I know I'll be losing my voice by the end of the night. What movies are they showing?"

[{ 🦋 }] - "Wait, Really? You will? Alright, Cool."

Minato was pleasantly surprised to hear her accept, he wasn't really expecting her to take him up on the offer, the fact being that it was back-to-back horror especially thought would turn her away. So when she agreed, suddenly, he had another date with her. What started out to be a fun little gesture, ended up turning into a full-on date. Minato liked spending time with her, so he was pretty excited to have her come along with him. The bluenette had no problem going to watch it alone, it would also be more of a much better experience with good company too, so he didn't mind it.

Come to think of it, this would be the first date of theirs they had in a while, both were so busy with Tartarus, and school club-related activities as well, so he was pretty glad to have another excuse to take her out again. Living in a dorm with everyone else on SEES made quality time together tough, so Minato would jump at any extra chance he got to be alone with Yukari again, away from everyone else, free to enjoy nothing but the activity and each other.

Needless to say, this probably wouldn't be a very fun experience for the lover's archer, still, he was just glad she had agreed in general. Because of Yukari's weak nerves about anything horror related, It was safe to say that this would probably be a one-time thing with her, and that would be just fine with him, just getting a yes from her at all wasn't something he thought would happen. One thing was for sure, Minato was going to enjoy this date while it lasted.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Hm? Oh. Nah don't worry. I don't need to scare you, the movies will do that just fine." He playfully, boldly reassures. A short chuckle follows her initial reaction before moving on.

[{ 🦋 }] - "They are showing three movies today. Paranormal Activity, Ju-On: The Grudge, and then it finishes off with One Missed Call. Our train is in ten minutes. If we leave in five, we should make it."

[loetise]

psychology & mental health deep dive.  ˎˊ˗             general mental health related trigger warnings apply. feel free to include more or exclude those facts / test results that take too much time or don’t apply, you can check out this list for more personality-related quizzes to include!

as a general note: a lot of allie’s preexisting conditions and symptoms are amplified and influenced by her magic, making them harder to deal with and her symptoms more intense than they might be for the average person who is affected by those disorders.

quick facts.

diagnoses:  nothing formally diagnosed, but i am all knowing so this is what she has and what i have written her with the ideas of :) autism spectrum diagnosis, generalized anxiety disorder, and probably something to do with substance abuse, because she uses a variety of them to distract herself very frequently, but it’s not at a point where it’s conflicting with her relationships, or she has a very clear ‘addiction’ to it.

triggers:  being alone for long amounts of time, winter and fall seasons, maybe anytime it is cold outside, a sensory overload can sometimes play into it as well- if she’s already anxious about something before hand, or she’s just having a bad day, it will easily overwhelm her -, feeling trapped in an ‘i can’t escape this’ figurative sense, not so much literal, but if you trap her in a closed space, i can see that triggering her as well, but the figurative is what happens most often, with her feeling like she has no choice in something or a bad situation she can’t get out of, anger, when she can tell that someone else is feeling it, makes her incredibly anxious and often leads her to panic and obsession with ‘fixing’ whatever has made them angry, sadness inspires a similar response from her, though it causes less panic and she can normally think clearer about helping and listening.

positive coping skills:  all of allie’s coping skills are in the moment fixes to distract herself from the problem, which isn’t inherently a bad thing, what makes it a ‘bad thing’ is that she doesn’t ever try to truly deal with the problem. she’s good at seeking comfort, though not necessarily for talking about or trying to work through whatever she’s working through, but being with her loved ones it does help her cope, though sometimes it can turn into relying on that and that person, especially regarding physical and sexual intimacy. allie often uses her garden to cope, spending a long amount of time outside and with her plants helps her to clear her mind.

negative coping skills:  avoidance, she doesn’t like to deal with things in a clear way, and she often needs help to deal with things, support and validation that whatever happened wasn’t her fault, because of her tendency to guilt and blame herself first. she worries that bringing anything up that she’s struggling with will ruin the mood and the way that the other person sees her, or what she’s supposed to act like. also substance use. this could be considered both a positive and a negative skill, but she’s good at leaving. not necessarily leaving the situation permanently, but giving herself a break away from whatever is causing her stress, often in a very extreme and sudden way, leaving her entire life behind, including her loved ones and home.

attachment style:  secure. she trusts others so, so much but like. she is absolutely terrified of being abandoned (again). and when she worries about it it’s always her fault, her doing something to cause it and push them away, but it’s still a very clear and distinct worry. 

love language… -to give:  words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time i think. in that order. also!!! she gives a lot of plants to her loved ones but it’s not just gift giving, it’s plants specifically. -to receive:  words of affirmation. like she will take anything and any kind of love but she understands words of affirmation the best. if you want her to know, tell her. -love language that probably falls into one or more of the official ones but is specific to her:  when people are patient with her, explain things to her in a way that doesn’t make her feel dumb or like she’s being talked down to (because sometimes- a lot of times -she notices, she just tries really, really hard not to) which has a lot to due with her own insecurities and that she’s not used to patience, as well as just not thinking she deserves it. i don’t know if this counts as a love language actually but like. explaining things. patience. she likes it and it makes her feel loved.

myers briggs / mbti:  esfp.

enneagram:  she had really close scores for types 2, 7 and 9.

history exploration.

are their diagnoses formal ( via a doctor, therapist, etc. ) or informal ( self diagnosis, a hunch, unrealized, etc. )?  informal and unrealized, beyond a point of like ‘there’s something ‘wrong’(read: different) with me and i don’t want there to be’.

have they ever been treated / medicated?  no, not formally, but she has self-medicated with different drugs and substances, though not usually prescription type drugs or even pills because she tries to stay away from them unless offered. she will not seek them out.

have they ever been hospitalized or treated on an inpatient basis?  no, she’s really never been to any hospital at all, for any reason, and she’s terrified of them.

how old were they when they first started experiencing / realizing symptoms?  autism specifically usually presents very young, though allie never had any peers to compare herself to, and her mother wasn’t educated in it, so she never quite realized she had symptoms. when she struggled with things, she was never aware that it was more of a struggle than a neurotypical child. her mother took notice of it, of course, and frequently reminded allie when she was bothering her or causing her effort or a disservice. once allie became old enough to go to school- according to her mother, who had little knowledge of human culture, which meant no preschool and little preparation (school supplies or any sort of idea of what would happen) -that’s when she became hyper aware of how different her peers were and acted. it didn’t help that allie’s peers were mostly kids who came from old-money/rich families, seeing as that was the kind of town she grew up in, because it isolated her even more. 

do they have a family history of mental illness?  yes, probably, i don’t have any specific ideas but for sure i know that allie’s mother projected a lot of her own insecurities and regrets onto allie, which likely meant that she herself was neurodivergent and some part of her wants to protect allie from her struggles, although the right way to do that is not what she did.

how was mental health handled / discussed in the family / community?  it really wasn’t discussed. allie’s mother taught her things that were essentially about masking and giving other people what they want from her easier, a lot of it was inappropriate given how old she was at the time of these talks, but allie clung to them and took them to heart given that this was really the only time her mother would actually parent her.

what are their thoughts on mental health / their diagnosis?  she has a very ‘it’s okay for everyone except for me’ way of thinking of mental health. she will preach about taking the time for yourself and being kind to yourself and your brain until it comes to her. like i said before, she thinks there’s something wrong with her, which isn’t true, and doesn’t want there to be. but she just ignores it and doesn’t deal with it. it’s not like a ‘something’s wrong and i want to fix it’ she just tries to distract herself, and others, from it.

in what ways has their diagnosis shaped their life or experiences?  her diagnosis has always caused her to feel different from others, though she’s never known what exactly was ‘wrong’ with her, only that something separated her from everyone else. she’s always felt more sensitive, like she felt more, like she noticed more, and so she often acted as if she never knew anything. and she did struggle with some things, she always struggled with school, but she was smart with people, and could often tell what they were feeling because she was so perceptive. 

symptoms.            note that all of the below are, on their own, normative and typical aspects of human functioning. they become “symptoms” when they last longer than “normal” or when they pose a significant impact on someone’s life / functioning. bold all that are present, italicize those that are resolved or in the history.

depression. anxiety. panic attacks. dissociation. derealization. depersonalization. suicidal ideation. self harm. homicidal ideation. psychosis. auditory hallucinations. visual hallucinations. delusions. mania. hypomania. racing thoughts. hyperactivity. attention difficulty. flashbacks. nightmares. hyperarousal. hypoarousal. hypersexuality. hyposexuality. psychopathy. risky behavior. catatonia. somatic / bodily concerns. mutism. phobia. agoraphobia. hoarding. obsessions. compulsions. body dysmorphia. hair picking. skin picking. amnesia. illness anxiety / hypochondria. sensory loss. speech difficulty. comprehension difficulty. communication difficulty. tics. defiant behavior. irritable mood. vindictiveness. aggression. pyromania. kleptomania. paranoia. attention seeking. narcissism. avoidance. dependency. pica. rumination. food restriction. food binging. purging. soiling the bed. insomnia. fatigue. sexual dysfunction. delirium. developmental delays.

explanations / elaborations on any of the above symptoms:

she experiences long periods of depression, especially in the winter, where she won’t leave her bed and declines to take care of herself, not making an effort to communicate with anyone or let anyone know of her wellbeing. she often spends most of the time asleep, or legitimately staring at the wall and dug deep in a hole of her own thoughts, often spiraling further because of them. this is probably one of the hardest aspects of her mental health to represent in rp because these episodes happen when she’s alone, which obviously doesn’t work in a thread with another muse. her loved ones almost always bring her out of an episode, even if they’re just around. she is just so, so lonely that any attention becomes good attention, but when she’s not receiving attention or company, her progress takes several steps back. there are plenty of times when she’s alone and she doesn’t descend into an episode, when she’s the one that reaches out first to others and when she can cope with being alone. but there are many times when she doesn’t cope. i also think her episodes stem from being alone for long periods of time when she was a child, and she had to get to school still or fend for herself, but now that she’s older she doesn’t have ‘places to be’ per se, so she just rots away in the cottage instead. 

her anxiety can manifest in seemingly childish fits of panic- or displays of emotion that may seem to lead to one -or feeling so anxious that she can hardly sit still and gets very hyper, which is when racing thoughts and hyperactivity can happen and be especially overwhelming, though they can happen on their own, they’re more common paired with the anxiety, for allie.

dissociation can happen when she’s very overwhelmed, though it’s not uncommon for her to zone out if she’s got a lot on her mind, in general, just not necessarily as extreme as dissociation spells.

she has a hard time dealing with attention difficulties and staying focused, and this doesn’t necessarily have to be triggered by anything, it’s just something that she struggles with on a pretty regular basis.

allie has nightmares pretty regularly when she sleeps alone, and while some of them are side effects of her mother’s magic, at this point, a lot of them are due to her own trauma. one of her frequently repeating nightmares is the one where her wings get cut off, though she never sees who is cutting them off, only can feel the excruciating pain of it. she’ll also dream about drowning or sometimes even pirates or hunters. her mother used to supply her with a magic drug to take care of them, and allie had developed an addiction to it. though after her mother left, her nightmares worsened due to withdrawal from the drug.

i’d say compulsions and risky behavior go together, with the risky behavior being things she feels compelled to do. the risky behavior is very often distractions from dealing with other things, things allie considers sad or bad. and when describing her risky behaviors, allie often says she doesn’t know why she does them, or that they’re silly thoughts she has. and i also think that she truly has no idea where they come from, just that they help to distract her from feeling ‘bad’ things.

allie has thalassophobia, and while it does have a reason behind it, (falling down the well when she was a toddler and what her mother would tell her about the water and its dangers and conflicts with her magic) i think it is ultimately irrational because of how she approaches it and her general refusal to learn how to swim and to be more comfortable around the water. however, i will say that with the more time i have spent writing allie, the more she has shown progress to feeling safer by the water, though a lot of that has to do with her loved ones help.

allie struggles with hoarding, and has kept nearly everything her mother has ever owned, and kept everything in the cottage as it was when her mother was around, especially her mother’s room. she also keeps everything that she can, trying to reuse anything the best she can, especially things that are meant to be thrown away, like plastic or paper.

while a lot of it is caused by magic, and her present struggles with memory loss and amnesia are because of the magic her mother used on her, there are also memories of her mother that allie just can’t remember because she has blocked it out. her amnesia especially affects memories in her older years when her mother was present, because her mother had stopped with the spells by then and had pretty much given up on allie entirely. 

comprehension difficulty comes especially with social cues and sarcasm, but she struggles all around with ‘book smarts’ types of things as well. she’s good with plants and plant science, as well as some aspects of biology when it comes to animals, but in other areas of academia and knowledge in general, she struggles with understanding. 

avoidance and dependency being right next to each other is definitely a choice but listen, she avoids mostly anything that upsets her or could upset someone else. her problems for certain, and like i said before, her leaving coping mechanism is the avoidance. she avoids the bad things and clings to the good. she often depends on other people, without meaning to, to remind her to take care of herself, which really isn’t healthy.

allie has experienced developmental delays due to her trauma. she is incredibly naive, sometimes to a point that it can seem childish. this directly relates to her trauma, and that she never really had the chance to grow up properly because her mother left her right when she would’ve been maturing and growing up, and she had even started to decline from parenting allie heavily even before that.

allie also has a sort of disordered eating, which usually ties in with the lack of taking care of herself during depressive episodes. she often forgets to eat unless she’s with someone, and eats very little in general. i don’t think she even does it on purpose? maybe a little bit of it is but it’s not an obsession that i think is common with a lot of eating disorders. she thinks that her body is one of her only redeeming qualities, so she thinks she has to maintain it in order to be desirable, but that’s not entirely why she has trouble with eating, and it’s not something that she thinks about a lot of the time. her lack of eating or eating proper meals that fill her up causes frequent stomach aches due to stomach acid having nothing to absorb.

tagged by;   @lighthouseborn​​​​​​​​​​​  ♡♡ tagging;   you, steal this and say i tagged you!

[goatedgreen]

HI there are a lot of these so feel free to pick n choose (i just love all ur guys i could pick)

Owen 23

Annora 27

Abbigail 26

Frith 5

Felix 12 (thinking about those wings n tail 👀)

Maria 16

Leona 35

Loreina 14

im gonna answer all of these so i'll put it under the cut :)

Owen 23: How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

Owen by nature is not a very envious person, he grew up not having very much but was kind of resigned/accepting of this. But i think deep down he does become a bit resentful of those who have the things he wants (stable family, money, unconditional love and support), but he would never show those kinds of feelings to the person he envy was targeted at. Don't mistake that for him being a too good of a person though, he just doesn't want negative emotions to become between him and the people he's close to. He's selfish in that way, he would rather let sleeping dogs lie and not cause problems than potentially lose someone close to him over something so trivial as jealousy.

Annora 27: What causes them to feel dread? 

Annora definetly has issues with control and therefore a lack of it. New environments terrify her, it's why she was so scared of going outside for so long, and her powers didn't make that lack of control any easier on her. I think to truly make her feel dread, it would be to put her in a situation with a bad outcome, that she could truly do nothing about. She tries to prepare for everything.

Abbi 26: What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

she hasnt been exposed to very many as leaving the palace grounds hasn't really been on the table for her, but after some adventures her favourite way of getting around was on the backs of ... well i havent named the animal yet but its like if a wolf, a horse, and a dragon combined and became like a tamed beast. ill draw it one day i prommy LOL

Frith 5: How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

he doesn't really think for himself for a long time! he's loyal to the king, and the king tells him to do what Loreina says, and if Loreina says someone can't be trusted they cant, and if she says someone can be trusted they can. it takes a while for him to break out of this mindset... its not that he mistrusts people, just that he hasn't thought about it either way unless he's been told to.

Felix 12: How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

This man is goofy and silly, he will spend ages stretching and contorting trying to reach the itch and once he realise he cant get it he will throw himself at the nearest person and put on a soap opera worthy performance in order to get them to reach it for him. they usually give in.

Maria 16: What makes their stomach turn?

big league gambling :) and generally mistreatment towards children. she has quite the protective streak.

Leona 35: How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

she definetely pretends to be exasperated but always joins in on shenanigans. if its an interest her friends have, she'll act disinterested, but they always know better because she'll ask clarifying questions and bring up the thing later on to cheer them up or get them things related to it. but she DOESNT CARE!!! important you know that. definetely not. no way.

Loreina 14: What animal do they fear most?

She doesn't feel fear >:) animals fear her >:) ... not exactly an exaggeration but she does find the palace guard dogs pretty annoying. she doesnt like how mindlessly they follow orders, it freaks her out that an animal capable of ripping her throat out could be cowed so easily by the promise of a treat. nevermind that she basically has her own dog in the form of Frith :)

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

My roommate bought me some lingerie for Christmas since she knew I didn't own any. I'm a big t-shirt or commando kind of girl, so I was never pressed to buy any, but now that I have some? I get it. This shit got me feeling sessy.

I threw my back out in the most un-exciting and unnecessary way yesterday. I was too pissed. This was not the way I'd planned on spending my last free weekend before the kids start back at school... I know I'm gonna hear it from them when I go back on Tuesday.

Not exactly mad I get another day at home to myself though. And I'm SO glad I still have leftover muscle relaxers from the last time I threw it out (oooweee I feel like that sounded old), so this isn't nearly as bad as that first time.

Due to the muscle relaxers, I've been sleeping on and off all day, so now it's almost 3 in the morning, and I'm wide awake watching old gospel choir videos from undergrad.

Damn, do I need to try to find me a church home out here? I'm realizing how much I miss being apart of a choir.

Visiting Pittsburgh over winter break was exactly what I needed. And returning to LA afterwards was exactly what I needed too. I loved seeing my family and friends, but experiencing them trying to plug me back into the roles they knew me to fill 2 years ago was... less than fun. Had to gently remind some of them I was on vacation. And for whatever reason, my skin and locs really love the LA climate. The Pittsburgh climate dries them out terribly.

I know it's not going to happen anytime soon, but I really want these Black female influencers to stop putting filler in their lips. I may or may have not mentioned that in a previous scatter-brained post before. Oh well, it's still true.

Folks back home and here want me to start selling my cookies. I'm on the fence about it. Those who know me know they can get them if/when they ask, but turning it into an actual business? I don't want to not love it anymore. And I'm a staunch believer that every hobby doesn't need to be turned into a side hustle. But at the same time... extra money is extra money and extra money ain't never a bad thing (especially in this city).

I'm not a believer in astrology, but a pattern I've noticed is that I'm often really attracted to Capricorn men, but communication (at least with me) between meetings never seems to be their strong suit. In-person it's always great vibes, but outside of that, we can't seem to stay in sync. It's not something I'm even necessarily mad at, just, like I said... peeped.

Kind of related to that... one thing I've got to get better at doing this year and going forward is not going radio silent on people when I'm going through something. They don't deserve that. But me not wanting to "burden" people with my problems (because I'm very familiar with people heaping theirs onto me without my permission) turns into me not saying anything at all and that's not fair. To them or to me.