#the analysis part three delay continues.

[great-cats]

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

Could you do your own analysis abt what traits/behaviours Aegon and Aemond got from Alicent? They both took after her and it's insane

What a wonderful question! Thank you for it, and my apologies for the delay with answering - and for the direction the answer ended up taking (you might have meant some specific examples as opposed to the more general thing I`m about to offer).

I`d like to start with this:

It definitely doesn`t mean that I enjoy watching either of them suffer or wish torment upon them (especially given that Aegon and Aemond are my absolute faves and Alicent is among my top 5 HotD/F&B characters as well). What I do find fascinating is how all of them are enduring the pain: living it, transforming it and channelling it into the world with nothing but a look.

And I find just as interesting the way the mother and the sons express their feelings when their adversaries find themselves in a tight spot, in one way or another:

It`s definitely schadenfreude but one tinged with the sense of curiosity and slight disbelief, as in "Looks like you could have problems as well after all, huh?"

Сontinuing with this mother-children connection, it has to be said that Aegon and Aemond are absolutely self-sufficient characters with their own motivation and unique traits; but in some way they are also Alicent`s agents, the way she speaks with the world (just like in one sense or another sense all people are continuation of their parents - even if they never knew them its their absence that leaves an imprint on a person`s soul).

Aegon is the voice of her suffering.

(I`m all in for the theory according to which Aegon is a nail biter just as his mother is a nail picker - and these habits do not come from a happy place).

Aemond is the voice of her bitterness and rage.

It`s almost feels like emotion-wise Aegon resembles Alicent in static while Aemond represents her in dynamic.

And it`s heartbreaking to think that when both of them were dead Alicent once again had to lock all her pain and anger within herself - and those grew insurmountable over the course of the Dance and eventually drove her mad.

Additionally, it`s of interest to note that all three of them are driven by duty in one way or another - but they handle it differently.

Both Alicent and Aegon wear theirs like a royal chain around their neck (if S2 doesn`t show us Aegon embracing the burden of ruling, if only for the sake of his family, I`m ignoring it); but where Aegon doesn`t take his off because of being afraid something terrible will happen if he does, Alicent just can`t fathom doing it. This metaphorical chain has grown into her body and become an inalienable part of her.

And for Aemond duty is not a piece to wear but a weapon to wield. He is so aggressive about it (even if it`s passive aggression) that it almost feels like it`s a material object - and a quite sharp one, a worthy addition to the sword and the dagger.

I`m sorry if the answer`s turned out to be messy. I just have way too many feelings about this family:)

[melrosing]

JAIME IN THE RIVERLANDS I: Exploring the 'Limits of Redemption'

Or: I HATE YOUR JAIME META AND HERE'S WHY

[Note: So this long fucking post is actually only the intro to what is (I think) a three/four part essay; the other parts are in editing stages at the moment but I figured if I don't post the first part now it'll be a WIP forever. Hopefully the rest will follow relatively soon as I'm literally sitting around with covid rn doing approx. nothing else but whatever watch this space I guess. anyway]

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there is no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?” George R. R. Martin (!!!)

‘Redemption’ is broadly considered to be the most significant theme in Jaime Lannister’s narrative, with most arguing that the conclusion of his story must reach one verdict or another in terms of whether he has achieved it. For those that believe he won’t, Jaime’s chapters in AFFC and ADWD are most commonly used as evidence. 

However, Jaime’s Riverlands arc (which I will here distinguish as beginning in Jaime III AFFC, and ending in Jaime I ADWD) is one I think is too often broken down and compartmentalised, with few takes managing to consider it holistically. Scenes are often isolated from their context and from the preceding and succeeding chapters, with fans nonetheless reaching their verdict on Jaime’s broader story based on this limited analysis. So the arguments go, here’s Jaime doing bad things and fighting for the wrong side after all he went through in ASOS: after choosing to change, and then failing to do so. If Jaime truly wanted redemption, why is he still fighting for the Lannister regime? Why are all his efforts for good so pitifully small-scale? 

Here I want to consider this arc not just through isolated scenes, but within the broader narrative of Jaime’s story. For, as with everything else, GRRM is rarely interested in presenting a straightforward story of its type: Jaime’s struggle for redemption in the Riverlands is treated with as much complexity as other arcs in the story, such as Dany’s governance in Meereen, or Jon’s on the Wall. Characters are often trapped by circumstance, forced to compromise or made to contradict their own ideals in an effort to achieve their goals. The result can be ugliness and strife where a reader expects catharsis. In a series with two volumes to go, this is not to say that catharsis won’t come for Jaime’s story, but its delayed arrival has seen fans frequently contrast it with another POV: Theon’s.

Theon is another character for whom redemption is a guiding theme, though his is often favoured above Jaime’s owing to the more straightforward catharsis it affords. When we last see Theon in ADWD, he has fought sizable demons (both internal and otherwise) to escape Winterfell and save Jeyne Poole in the process. From here, a reader anticipates Theon will continue to fight for the right causes, and carve out a new identity separate from that as Balon’s heir, or Ned Stark’s hostage. No reader expects that Theon will turn around in TWOW to return to his old ways, because he has no cause to look back: the work is done, his old trappings gone, and the only direction left to him is forwards into something new.

Theon’s arc begins slightly ahead of Jaime’s, kicking off in the second volume where Jaime’s gathers pace in the third, but even accounting for this variance in pacing, the differences between their two redemption stories are notable. Theon begins the series as a relatively isolated character, estranged from his family and superimposed into one where the patriarch might take his head at any moment. For the most part, it doesn’t seem as though anyone even likes Theon all that much, apart from the mother he has largely forgotten about. It’s unsurprising, then, that over the course of several conflicts in ACOK we see Theon’s ties and allies diminished to practically nothing: he’s abandoned by his own house, becomes an enemy of the Starks, and is kept hostage by the Boltons who view him as a useful piece of dirt. 

Theon is ultimately removed from grander disputes besides as a pawn, too afraid to claim his autonomy for fears of painful consequences from Ramsay. He remembers his wrongs, but feels helpless to atone for them, left instead to ruminate in Winterfell. Theon’s redemption is then pursued through courage and reclamation of identity: a growing irrelevance to the new powers of the plot, his story is to reclaim his name and autonomy in the background, acting not for any house or name, but on his own renewed instincts for right and wrong. No family or political cause is left to rely on him, and so Theon ironically has the freedom to act on a purely individual basis, fighting instead for the single person who does need him now: Jeyne Poole. His act of heroism at the end of ADWD carves a checkpoint viewed by most readers as a decisive move towards redemption.

Jaime’s arc and Theon’s have more in common whilst Jaime is imprisoned by the Bloody Mummers in ASOS, where he too relies largely on instincts and courage, and develops the desire to change through tormented self-reflection. But the crucial difference is the scope each are afforded from here on. As discussed, Theon, on point of reflection, is essentially alone. The only choices he can make are those he makes for himself, and indeed he has nothing to lose but his life, for even his name has been stripped from him. 

This is not so in Jaime’s case. Far from Theon’s reduced existence, halfway through ASOS Jaime has returned to all his old trappings, as well as new positions of power he never asked for. He’s now in a position to make choices that were never his before, whether they concern the makeup of the Kingsguard or the safety of his house, and each choice has a domino effect that can ripple throughout the realm. Indeed, rather than estranged from his family, Jaime is inserted directly into the midst of their affairs - at precisely the time when the threat to their house proves existential. This is not a character who can look only to his own personal hopes, ambitions and wellbeing for guidance - rather, this is someone in a prime seat of governance. Ironically, this sees Jaime’s  personal autonomy greatly diminished as a result.

Not all of this is new, of course. Jaime has been born with stakes in these institutions - or acquired them at 15, in the case of the Kingsguard. The fate of House Lannister has always mattered to Jaime because the Lannisters are his own family, and owing to the precarious position Tywin has left them in, that same family are now in mortal danger. Plenty of words are shed amongst the Lannisters on the importance of maintaining Tywin’s legacy in keeping the security of their House, and unfortunately, Jaime has inherited this legacy at precisely the time he has hoped to escape it. Though he emerges from ASOS with personal ambitions to rescue Sansa, become a knight like Brienne, reclaim his fatherhood to his children and restore peace in the realm, what he wants has to be balanced alongside the security of the Lannisters collectively, and the delicate regency that sustains them.

As Ned tells Cersei as early as AGOT, there is no safe escape for House Lannister now: Robert would’ve hounded them to the ends of the world if he knew the truth, and certainly by AFFC both highborn and smallfolk alike long for their downfall. It is here that Jaime finds himself upon his return to King’s Landing. So from ASOS onwards, we see Jaime attempting to continue the arc he began with Brienne, and struggling to do so within the confines of his new elevated roles, risking undermining his family even as they undermine him at every turn. What deeds he does manage, such as instigating rescues for both Tyrion and Sansa, need to be done covertly, whilst everything he does in the public sphere is subject to Cersei’s whims. 

By Jaime III AFFC, Cersei declares that Jaime’s role now is to restore peace in the Riverlands (that is, to quash the Tullys), and Jaime, reluctantly, gathers his men and goes. So begins a balancing act between his private ambition and public persona, where he knows the slightest misstep might be the downfall of his family. 

(Of course, the grim truth is that the fate of House Lannister was sealed by Tywin long ago.)

JAIME AND THE LANNISTER LEGACY

As mentioned, readers often simplify all this to argue that Jaime is simply fighting for ‘the Lannister regime’ in AFFC; that he is flying the colours for his family because that’s the easier thing to do than pursue redemption and the greater good. I’d disagree. 

Firstly, we should note that Jaime has always had a healthy disregard for Lannister rhetoric and his father’s view of the world. This is not to say Jaime is not aware of the power his name holds, and that like his brother Tyrion, he won’t use it occasionally as a crutch, performance or excuse:

"White is for Starks. I'll drink red like a good Lannister." [JAIME V, ASOS]

"If you know me, Urswyck, you know you'll have your reward. A Lannister always pays his debts.” [JAIME III, ASOS]

He was a Lannister of Casterly Rock, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard; no sellsword would make him scream. [JAIME III, ASOS]

That would show the realm that the Lannisters are above their laws, like gods and Targaryens. [JAIME III, ASOS]

“The Father Above has more time than I do. Do you know who I am?" [JAIME IV, AFFC]

And to say the least, Jaime is no stranger to a gold plate armour. Simply put, this is a character quite capable of talking the talk and walking the walk when it suits him, but his broader POV shows one far more sceptical than Tywin or Cersei. 

To start with, Jaime actually shirked his lead role in House Lannister at fifteen, giving up Casterly Rock and the propagation of his house for the promise of his sister’s love. He declines Tywin’s offer to restore him to this position in ASOS (even despite his disillusionment with Cersei) and immediately sets about undermining both his father and sister by rescuing Tyrion and Sansa. Jaime has also from a young age rejected Tywin’s diatribes on his brother, spending his life regretting the one instance he aligned himself to them (see: Tysha). As a young Kingsguard he does not advocate allowing Tywin into the city, even knowing his father would win decisively, does not join his father at the last minute either - and in fact did not even raise Tywin as King given ample opportunity:

"Shall I proclaim a new king as well?" Crakehall asked, and Jaime read the question plain: Shall it be your father [...]?”

[...]"Proclaim who you bloody well like," he told Crakehall. Then he climbed the Iron Throne and seated himself with his sword across his knees, to see who would come to claim the kingdom. [JAIME II, ASOS]

At this crucial moment, Jaime adopts a neutral stance, leaving the politicking to other men - and this is a stance that comes to define him up to AGOT: given all he has seen, Jaime no longer has faith in the rights of Kings nor the honour of good men, and so retreats inward where the only rules are his own. Ultimately Jaime’s natural inclination is to stand as an individual: for his own values, rather than as a representative for his house or any institution. 

And his general disdain for his father’s doings and teachings is seen everywhere in his POV - or occasionally, by omission. Whilst Cersei and even Tyrion frequently reflect on Tywin’s methodry and lessons, Jaime, the key subject of those lessons, seldom considers them - except with resentment or reluctance:

"Father," he told the corpse, "it was you who told me that tears were a mark of weakness in a man, so you cannot expect that I should cry for you." [JAIME I, AFFC]

Indeed, in much of AFFC we see Jaime wandering the Riverlands, disturbed by the ruins his father’s campaigns have left behind. This is a character reiterated throughout his POV as one who runs on passion: he entered the war for Cersei and Tyrion, albeit recklessly and in the midst of a conflict of his own making. Meanwhile, Tywin’s work is cold-blooded, calculated and brutal, and reminds Jaime of his enemies rather than his allies. 

In fact, the only aspect of House Lannister that Jaime seems especially concerned with seem to be his loved ones within it. In the beginning this appears largely limited to Cersei and Tyrion, the two he asks after when seeking news from Catelyn. News of a distant uncle and his losses at war are dismissed out of hand, and Tywin himself is asked after as essentially an afterthought:

"It's Cersei and Tyrion who concern me. As well as my lord father." [CATELYN VII, ACOK]

Later, of course, we encounter family like Genna and Daven representing Jaime's broader emotional stakes within his house, and his growing cares for his children make him more intent on its survival. But his remote affection (or entire lack of it) for his own father never seems to waver.

When Tywin does die, we see Jaime holding vigil beside his corpse out of a sense of obligation as Tywin’s son, but after spending much of it scowling at Tywin’s corpse and thinking ill of him, he abandons the vigil early to chase after a distraught Tommen. In the same scene, we even see Jaime attempting to counsel his son differently to how his father did him: where Tywin taught Jaime a man does not cry and should never show weakness, Jaime does not ridicule his son’s distress (as Cersei notably does), but tries to offer him support (albeit with only a sad coping mechanism of his own):

"A man can bear most anything, if he must," Jaime told his son. I have smelled a man roasting, as King Aerys cooked him in his own armour. "The world is full of horrors, Tommen. You can fight them, or laugh at them, or look without seeing . . . go away inside." [JAIME I, AFFC]

In short, Jaime has no apparent interest in upholding his father’s teachings or values, and all signs point to a man who hopes to raise his son differently, to undo cycles of tyranny, and to begin anew. This is all sadly compounded by the inheritance Tywin has left behind.

TYWIN'S LEGACY

Jaime’s nobler intentions unfortunately have little place for manoeuvre in the preservation of House Lannister. In fact, the family are essentially left with two options: they can sustain the 'Lannister regime', or they can vanish completely - and the latter isn’t altogether realistic for the most famous family in Westeros, in a narrative that always strives to be.

So for the Lannisters to maintain their security, they are left with largely the former - maintaining the outward appearance of power that Tywin has fostered for his house. The trouble is that maintaining that appearance, when it was previously sustained by the severity of the actions one man was willing to take.

Since he rose to the head of his family, Tywin has ruled by fear: he has made enemies of powerful people, false friends of others, and they only cower because of the ultimate threat that Tywin has showed more than once that he can act upon - given cause, he will demolish a house completely. Tywin’s method essentially runs opposite to his father’s: where Tytos offered lenience, Tywin determines to offer none: you are with him, or you are nothing.

Whilst this has been effective in removing smaller targets such as the Reynes and Tarbecks, it has done outsized damage in ruining the good faith and trust that others might have in House Lannister: certainly a Lannister will pay his debts, but what it takes to accrue one is the fear that Tywin rules with.

Tywin’s demolition method was attempted on House Stark in ASOS, and by AFFC, it may seem to have been successful on the surface level. The northern forces are in pieces, the Lannisters are allied to the Tyrells, and there is a new Lannister king on the throne. The threats from overseas seem vague and obscure, and Tommen holds tomorrow. 

But of course, this is not actually the case. Sansa is not dead, nor Arya, nor Bran and Rickon. They’ve survived through their parents’ memory and teachings, and their father’s vassals are already conspiring the Starks’ return to the north. It goes without saying that the power of Winterfell is sustained through security and loyalty, not fear, and that fear is infinitely more fragile, with a great deal more work required in sustaining it. 

Of course, Tywin's reasons for ruling with fear are, despite his pretences, rooted in his own feelings of inadequacy rather than political practicality: this is a man who has grown up feeling humiliated and undermined by his own father, and is desperate to regain the power and respect he believes he's entitled to - by any means necessary. Still, such is the state of the legacy he leaves behind for his own son: an unsustainable campaign of fear, with no-one left to uphold it:

Tywin was big even when he was little." She gave a sigh. "Who will protect us now?"

Jaime kissed her cheek. "He left a son."

"Aye, he did. That is what I fear the most, in truth."

That was a queer remark. "Why should you fear?"

"Jaime," she said, tugging on his ear, "sweetling, I have known you since you were a babe at Joanna's breast. You smile like Gerion and fight like Tyg, and there's some of Kevan in you, else you would not wear that cloak . . . but Tyrion is Tywin's son, not you." [JAIME V, AFFC]

Ironically, what is here identified by Genna as a weakness of Jaime’s is really a weakness of Tywin’s. He has an heir who might have carried the torch forward for House Lannister, might just have managed to build enough bridges for whichever Lannister came next… but Tywin’s view of the world is such that that heir is an abused, embittered man more interested in their downfall. The force that might have once sustained them will now be turned against them as Tyrion joins with Daenerys Targaryen - and regardless, whatever progress and good faith Tyrion fostered for House Lannister in ACOK was quickly undone by Tywin in ASOS with the Red Wedding.

So what’s left is only a hopeless, toxic mess: House Lannister has no true friends and no true allies. They have only a host of enemies, small and large, who desire the utter demolition of a house that sought the same of others. And the man left to carry the torch is one without conviction in anything it stands for.

Nonetheless, the torch still rests with Jaime, with the stakes high as they’ve ever been for he and his loved ones. In AFFC, GRRM shows Jaime attempting a performance as Tywin’s heir, all whilst giving away vital ground, leading without conviction and resenting his role. By the end of ADWD, Jaime will have all but abandoned the Lannister cause for the pursuit of redemption, and the collapse of his house will enter overdrive.

[PART TWO: Bluffs, Bargaining & Baby Trebuchets - Why Jaime Can't Win in the Riverlands]

[gryfflepuffinthetardis]

Valentía: Extreme Aggressor

Season One Masterlist

Previous: Prologue Part Two

Next: Compulsion

Summary: SSA Jason Gideon is called in from his six month medical leave to return to the BAU to go to Seattle to profile a rapist and killer and save his latest victim after she goes missing.

Warning: Typical Criminal Minds warnings; UnSub is a rapist-killer; References to rape; References to murder; Descriptions of PTSD; Mention of real-life serial killer, Countess Elizabeth Báthory; "Supernatural" References

“PTSD: It’s not the person refusing to let go of the past, but the past refusing to let go of the person.”

September 21, 2005

"Zoe Valdez", as she was known around the office, wrote in her crime book, writing her own profile on the killer of Countess Elizabeth Báthory when her phone rang.

"Hello..." She mumbled.

"We have a case and we need Gideon."

Zoe fell off the couch, "Gideon's coming back?" She grinned.

"Don't worry, he knows how you want to be known around the office."

——————————————————————————————————

BAU — Behavior Analysis Training

FBI, Quantico, Virginia

One of the founders of the BAU, Jason Gideon, six months after leaving the BAU on medical leave, was teaching a class of those who may be FBI agents one day.

He clicked through the faces of the victims of the recently caught Footpath Killer (as of six and a half months ago), the victims were always the least known part of serial killer stories

"Anyone recognize these faces?" Gideon asked.

"Victims of the Footpath Killer." A student answered.

"That's what Virginia newspapers are calling him. We refer to him as the Unknown Subject or Unsub. I told Virginia P.D. they're looking for a white male in his twenties, who owns an American made truck in disrepair. Works a menial job. I told 'em, when you find him, don't be surprised if he speaks with a severe stutter." He explained.

A girl raised her pencil-holding hand and voiced, "Not to sound skeptical, but come on... a stutter?"

"Where'd the murders occur?" Gideon asked and realization slowly occurred to the girl as he continued to explain what a young genius he had known since birth had suggested, "Hiking paths. Isolated. If I'm a killer who has to use an immediate application of overpowering force, even out in the middle of nowhere, I lack confidence. I can't charm them into my car like Ted Bundy did. I can't because I am ashamed of something."

Gideon's serial killer class was interrupted when a quite pretty twenty-three-year-old boy with gelled down brown hair and brown-hazel eyes, held up a case file and tapped it. Gideon's protege, Doctor Spencer Reid, the smartest guy Gideon had ever met.

"Excuse me." He told the class and walked out with Spencer, "They're calling him the 'Seattle Strangler'. Four victims in four months. He keeps 'em alive seven days. The handle serves as a crank." He and Gideon looked at a photo of a recent victim.

"Allowing him to control the rate of suffocation." Gideon deduced.

"To prolong it?" Spencer asked.

"To enjoy it." Gideon corrected, "Seattle's hit a wall?"

"Physical evidence is nonexistent. There are no tangible leads."

"And another girl is missing." Gideon said and he entered an office, looking over the case, "I looked the case file over. I'll get some thoughts to you ASAP."

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner and Derek Morgan entered with the former saying, "you're gonna be with us in Seattle ASAP."

Gideon looked up at the man who now held his former job title of Unit Chief and he took off his glasses.

Morgan held out a picture of a young girl with red hair, "Twenty-two-year-old Heather Woodland."

"Before she left for lunch, she downloaded an email with a time-delayed virus attached. The killer's virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen." Hotch said and handed Gideon a printed screenshot with a familiar messy colored hand-writing at the bottom.

"For heaven's sake catch me before I kill more. I cannot control myself."

 The hand written note scrawled out the words: William Heirens (Lipstick Killer) December 10, 1945, the second victim, Frances Brown's apartment.

"Uh, Valdez, the new girl that Hotch hired wrote that." Spencer said, gesturing.

Gideon looked at Hotch and knew that meant Zoe.

"He never keeps them for more than seven days which means we have fewer than thirty-six hours to find her." Hotch said.

"They want you back in the saddle. You ready?" Morgan asked.

"Looks like medical leave's over, boss." Spencer said.

"They sure, they want me? You guys have Alexander and… Valdez." He, like Hotch, knew Zoe’s real identity as Alexander’s daughter, having been the second person to hold her after the stressful event that was her birth.

They all looked at him, they all knew, Alexander... well, he was about as crazy as the UnSubs they caught.

"The order came from the director." Hotch nodded

Gideon turned, dramatically, "Then we'd better get started."

——————————————————————————————————

Gideon got out of the car with his go bag and walked towards the BAU jet as Alexander, a forty-year-old man with messy brown hair, stuck his head out, "Ah, Jason. Welcome back."

"Alexander."

Gideon entered the jet to see what he should've expected, Zoe Noble-Valdez had notes all around her and stuck on the walls and there were several stuck in her hair that was streaked with light green and headphones over her ears.

"Of course." Gideon said as Zoe wrote rapidly, having always been an over-achiever due to her brilliant mind and constant need to be doing something especially in the past four years.

Spencer, Morgan, and Hotch got on the jet.

"Jason Gideon, meet our newest recruit, Doctor Zoe Valdez." It hurt the father, only referring to his daughter by his late girlfriend's name but this was what Zoe wanted.

"Zoe." Spencer said, passing her and pulling her headphones off, letting the distant sound of her audiobook be heard.

Zoe looked up, pausing the audiobook and smiled, widely.

"SSA Jason Gideon, nice to see you again." She said, acting as if he hadn't known her since before she was born, as if he hadn't mentored and worked with her mother.

"You know, Agent Valdez." He said, playing along and shaking her hand.

"You two have already met?" Morgan asked.

Zoe looked at him, keeping her cool and said, "Yes." She sat back down, "That is technically true."

Truth was Gideon was like a second father to her along with retired Agent David Rossi but Gideon had more of a healthy idea on what's appropriate to read to a three-year-old child before bed rather than a grisly unsolved crime case as Rossi had gotten bored of children books with no twists or plots and Zoe had annoyed Alexander into doing it.

"How did you get all this done? We were gone for half an hour." Morgan said.

"It's not my fault that you're ordinary and your thoughts go at a normal speed." She smiled.

"How's she doing so far?" Gideon asked Hotch and Alexander.

"Pretty good for a nineteen-year-old." Hotch admitted, "Other than her being, reckless, rebellious, a little violent, refuses to oblige the dress code. Pretty much everything I predicted.”

"Pretty good? My angel is the best agent since her mother." Alexander whispered, proudly as he watched Zoe and Spencer compare notes.

——————————————————————————————————

"His first victim was twenty-six-year-old Melissa Kirsh." Zoe said, "Stab wounds. Strangulation."

 “Wait, wait. Back up. Back up.” Morgan interrupted the young medical doctor.

Holding his hands out in front of him, stopping her from continuing.

“He stabbed her, and then he strangled her to finish her off?”

“No.” Zoe deadpanned.

“Other way around.” Gideon corrected and he turned to his two proteges, "Why do you think he started using the belt with the second murder?"

“Strangulation with your bare hands is not as easy as one would believe.” Zoe said, "About four-point-four to eleven pounds of pressure."

"He tried, probably realized it took too long..." Spencer speculated.

"So he stabbed her instead." Morgan finished.

“And realized it would be hours cleaning up the blood.” Hotch said.

“Next time, our boy’s got a method—the belt.” Derek said.

“He’s learning, perfecting his scenario. He's learning from his mistakes like the Reaper," Hotch shifted and Alexander flinched, giving Zoe an unreadable glance, "did when his call to 911 actually led to his only surviving victim's survival.” Zoe said, “becoming a better killer. 

——————————————————————————————————

They arrived at the FBI Northwest Field Office in Seattle, Washington. They were held back due to Zoe having more weapons than most would think possible on her person at the security check.

"What's wrong with you? Why do you have so many weapons?" Morgan asked as Zoe finally made it through and looked at him.

He never stands with his back to a window and was reholstering most of her weapons. She looked at Morgan with a guarded look in her eyes, "My dad was an overprotective and paranoid guy." She said, vaguely. She never said much about her parents but plenty about her terrifying family which seemed to mostly consist of badass women and valued a variety of Zoe's attributes and feminism.

Zoe walked with Morgan and Spencer when Morgan nudged the older genius, "He never stands with his back to the window. When I was between him and a doorway, he asked me to move."

"That's hyper vigilance. It's not uncommon in post traumatic stress disorder.

"Also paranoia; trust issues; vivid flashbacks; intrusive thoughts and/or images; nightmares; intense distress; physical sensations such as pain, sweating, nausea, or trembling. There's also categories of the different types of symptoms and the symptoms those symptoms have."

"I know what symptoms PTSD causes, Zoe!" Morgan snapped.

"I don't think you do. You most likely had been ignoring yours for years, more than a decade I bet." She said, blankly.

"Don't profile me." Morgan pointed a finger at Zoe who looked at him with a bored deadpan expression. "Just how much disorder are we talking about?"

"Morgan, it's been six months." Hotch said, "Everything's okay."

"Yeah, fuck off, Morgan." Zoe said.

"That's not what I said." Hotch said.

"Essentially it was." She said and Hotch just continued onwards with Spencer, being painfully awkward. “Just because you ignored the trauma your past caused you, doesn't mean Gideon will heal just as quickly." Zoe said.

Morgan was trained not to react when surprised but being off-guard, his eyes widened only briefly before his face went back to neutral but with panic, confusion, and mild curiosity in his eyes. "What trauma?" He asked, defensively which only further confirmed her profile she had unwilling been making over the past six months.

"You're guarded, unwilling to trust that people’ve got your back as well as you've got yours, and protective. You grew up with an absent father and given that he was a officer too, it's likely he was killed in the line of duty. Your compassion for the wounded tells me that maybe you witnessed it. And I'm sorry for that. You were then betrayed by a father issue not too long after." Zoe said and she noticed Morgan stiffen in fear and anger for said father figure and the idea of this nineteen-year-old that he wasn't sure if he fully trusted yet finding out, "I can't quite and am unwilling to deduce the specifics because that's personal and I am already overstepping, I'm aware of that. But you got out and you moved on to make sure that as few people as possible experience what you did." Zoe said with absolutely no effort whatsoever. "Not many people are that strong. They let it control their life. Not you though. Not only did you get out but you're making a difference."

She gave him a hesitant, small smile that only lasted about a second or two with a semi-warmth to it which was more than he had gotten from her in six months and then she walked after Hotch and Spencer.

Alexander walked past Morgan, pretending to have not heard anything with a small, proud smile on his face for his daughter's kindness, even if she tried to hide it. 

Hotch introduced the team as they walked, "This is special agent Gideon, special agent Morgan, our expert on obsessional crimes, special agent Noble, special agent Reid..."

"Doctor Reid." Gideon and Alexander corrected.

Doctor Reid, our expert on well, everything, and special agent—Doctor Valdez, our expert on missing persons and medical knowledge and pretty much everything Reid may not know. And after two years busting my butt in this office, I hope you all remember me."

And people laughed. His systems must've malfunctioned.

They looked at the murder board and Gideon observed, "He's willing to travel with the body."

"Then he drives a vehicle capable of concealing one." Hotch added.

"One in seven-point-four drivers in Seattle own an SUV." Spencer reasoned.

"Explorer with tinted windows." Morgan suggested.

"Explorers rate higher with women." 

But how do we know it's his car?" Morgan asked.

 Ted Bundy drove a VW Bug."

"A what?" Zoe asked. She was more of a motorcycle girl than a car girl. She had a  Marine Turbine Technology Y2K motorcycle that she had modified, it went above the average speed of one and was silent due to her modifications, she rode it when they were racing to an UnSub’s location and was usually able to stall or even take down the UnSub.

"Volswagen Beetle." Alexander clarified as Zoe, despite being such a tomboy she considered herself to count as a boy in the boy's club of the team (apart from J.J. and Penelope Garcia, the latter rarely ever traveling with them).

"What about a Jeep Cherokee?

"Jeeps are more masculine." Reid said.

"Yeah, doesn't mean he has one." Zoe said.

"We all know how an unsub feels about asserting his masculinity." Alexander said.

"That's a good point." Zoe muttered before turning to the closest detective, "Most male rapists are insecure about their masculinity and feel the need to assert their dominance as men over women—they also tend to have insulting and distorted views on women—or feel the need to be reassured in their masculinity by raping women, because men are the worst, meaning their insecurities are often present in their behavior."

Zoe raised her eyebrows as if asking anyone to question her but no one dared do so.

"When did the bureau become involved in the case?" Hotch said, ignoring her.

"After the fourth body." The ASAC (Assistant Special Agent in Charge) said.

"Sondra Watts, taken August sixth, killed and dumped August thirteenth." Zoe said, humanizing the deceased victim as she tended to do.

"He dumped that one out of state.”

"On purpose." Hotch added.

"If so, knowledge of law enforcement does suggest a criminal record.”

"Or that he watches television."

"Television usually is widely inaccurate and is based on assumptions and beliefs caused by television. He'd have slipped up by now. Maybe he's law enforcement..." Zoe mused.

"Are you accusing the local police?" Someone asked accusingly.

"There are other law enforcement jobs than police, you know." Alexander snapped, barely restraining himself. How dare someone speak to his little girl like that.

Zoe gave her father a side look and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, or maybe he's associated with law enforcement but not necessarily law enforcement." Zoe suggested.

"Like a prison guard or something." Alexander said with a bitter undertone.

"May I?" Morgan asked.

"So you wanna see our suspect list?" The ASAC asked.

"No, we won't look at a suspect list until after we come up with a profile. It keeps our perspective unbiased." Hotch explained.

"When do we sit down with your task force?" Gideon asked.

"Four o'clock." Another agent said.

“An accurate profile by four o'clock today?" Morgan asked.

"That's not a problem." Gideon said and walked to another board.

"Agent Gideon, where would you like to start?" Hotch asked, still used to taking orders from him.

Gideon pointed at a picture, "Let's start at the site of the last murder."

"Do we have a list of those Heather Woodland is related and close to?" Zoe asked.

"Yes," A detective said and produced a list.

Zoe looked over it, "David Woodland, who's that?"

"Her brother. He was the one to report her missing. He's at her house, watching her dog."

"Alright, I'm going to go interview the brother." Zoe declared.

"Uh, not alone you're not!" Alexander scolded, with more emotion than a supervisor would to a new agent. Zoe turned around and gave him a deadpan look that only someone who knew her longer than six months could detect the hint of a glare she was giving him like, don't fucking treat me like a child. I'm a big girl, Dad. “You’re around the same age as the victims.”

“I can take care of myself.” Zoe said, stubbornly.

"Reid and I'll go with her." Hotch said before Alexander did any more damage to Zoe's request that their relationship as father and daughter remain secret for now.

"As long as he doesn't drive." Zoe said, jabbing her thumb at Spencer.

"Deal." Hotch agreed in his usual deadpan, walking past her.

"What's wrong with the way I drive?" Spencer asked, genuinely.

Morgan made a sound between a scoff of disbelief and a snort of amusement.

"Because you drive like a grandma." Zoe quipped, "Come on, Boy Genius."

——————————————————————————————————

At the dumping site, Gideon walked off, observing the crime scene as an officer asked the group, consisting of other officers, Morgan, and Alexander, "so that's Gideon? The Gideon. The one who caught that guy, Adrian Baal, in Boston.

"Yep. That's him. But catching him cost us six agents." Morgan said.

"Gideon, he... he's always been haunted by those he can't save so that hit him pretty hard." Alexander said.

"You co-founded the BAU with him, right?"

"Yeah."

"You, him, and that famous writer, Rossi, and someone else. A woman."

"Zelena." Alexander said, "yeah."

"Didn't you marry her or something?"

"No. No. We never married. Never had the chance. I fell in love with her immediately... when she judo-flipped me. then straddled me, and pressed her forearm against my throat. She took a while, given my... my Bipolar and ADHD but she did and in January of 1985, we learned she was pregnant, then found out it was twins—both girls..." 

For a lot of fathers, the day of their child's birth are the happiest days of their lives, even better than their wedding days. Alexander's father didn't see that for Alexander or his younger sister. Alexander's oldest twin daughter, Zarah had been born normally but then... the job really did wreak havoc on his life and Zoe had been born with a number of complications from the circumstances to her health.

"How are they?"

"Oh, they're-they're good.” Alexander mumbled, knowing only where one was as he walked out where Gideon was.

"Twenty-two-year-old Anne Cushing was found right here. Nails clipped just like the others." Alexander said and handed Gideon a picture, "He wants them to fight back."

"But not enough to hurt him. And he left the belt around her neck." Gideon stated as Morgan joined them, "He's probably in his early twenties."

"What's your reasoning?" Morgan asked. 

"Youthful arrogance." Was all Gideon said as according to Zoe applied to Morgan.

Morgan sighed, "He clothed the body before dumping it." 

"That's a sign of remorse." Gideon said.

"It's not consistent. Look where we are. His opinion of women is pretty clear, don't you think?" Morgan opinionized.

"They're disposable." Alexander scowled, every time the killer's M.O. was even vaguely associated with his girls—he couldn't help but fear and imagine that they were the next victim. Zoe was technically half-Caucasian-Scottish but also half Hispanic but that didn't matter to a single parent of two girls both with childhoods filled with trauma and danger.

"Why show remorse by taking the time to dress her but then dump her here?" Morgan asked.

——————————————————————————————————

Hotch, Spencer, and Zoe were in Heather Woodland's house, let in by her brother, David.

Heather's labrador barked up at Spencer who flinched back.

"Sandy, no, no, no." David scolded the dog and apologized to the agents, "I'm so sorry." 

"No, it's okay. It's what we call the Reid effect. Happens with children, too." Zoe snarked, Spencer gave her an unamused look.

"I'm Agent Hotchner. This is special agent Doctor Reid and this is special agent Valdez." 

"You both look too young to have gone to medical school." David noted.

"They're PhD's. Three of them." Spencer replied.

"Are you a genius or something?" David asked. 

"I-I-I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified—but I do have an I.Q. of one-eighty-seven and an eidetic memory and can read twenty thousand words per minute." Spencer said and David stared at him, “Yes, I'm a genius.”

"Actually, I'm the medical doctor." Zoe said as she wandered around the room.

"Are you a genius too?" David asked and triggered Zoe to go on an absent-minded unintentional brag.

"Well, I never took an official IQ test because I believe tests are bias towards only two kinds of intelligences but it's been estimated to be quite high as I have an auditory memory, I finished high school when I was sixteen, could've done so when I was nine or ten but... circumstances. I was seventeen when I finished medical school." Zoe babbled.

"Seventeen?"

"Yeah, I started getting college degrees when I was six, technically graduated from Princeton, Yale, CalTech, MIT, etc. before age twelve."

"How many degrees do you have?"

"Twenty-four."

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen. I turn twenty next month.”

“But—how-how…”

“I was fully able to comprehend basic language and things like death before six months old, I was fluent in Spanish and English by twelve months. I started taking college classes along with normal kindergarten classes at age five..."

"Zoe, you're doing it again." Hotch interrupted.

"Oh." Zoe blushed, "I'm sorry. I'm ADHD and Cyclothymic, mildly Bipolar, I tend to get distracted and it's a bit difficult to filter my constant thoughts. Uh, May I?" Zoe asked, referring to Sandy.

"Oh, yeah." David nodded.

Zoe crouched down and petted the dog, "You know my family back in Mexico breed Xoloitzcuintle dogs.”

“Is that a breed?”

“Yeah, they’re the national dog of Mexico.”

“I thought that was chihuahuas.”

Zoe ignored this comment. “Xoloitzcuintle are rare nowadays and Mexicans believe they have spiritual abilities.” She went back to petting Sandy, “Sandy, you get a lot of attention, don't you?"

"Yeah, Heather loves this dog. I feed her when Heather's away. Usually, she's fine, but lately, she won't eat. It's almost like she can sense something's wrong." David worried.

"Not sense. Smell. Our apocrine sweat gland releases secretions in response to emotional stress." Spencer explained.

"Uh, translation: Sandy's worried because she knows you are." Zoe said, standing up.

"David, does your sister drive a Datsun Z?" Spencer asked.

"No, but she's in the market for one. How'd you know?" David asked and Spencer showed him a magazine displaying that car, then Sandy barked, "Come on, Sandy." He took Sandy out.

Hotch and Zoe joined Spencer, "There's an immediate relationship established between a buyer and a seller, a level of trust. If I want to coax a young woman into my car..."  Spencer theorized.

"Offer her a test drive." Zoe finished, "That's really smart, Spence."

——————————————————————————————————

Back at the field office, Morgan was pacing, Spencer and Zoe were spinning in their swivel chairs as Zoe sucked on an apple-flavored dum-dum.

"Okay, then how about the fact that on one hand, we have paranoid psychosis... but the autopsy protocol says what?" Morgan asked.

"Adhesive residue shows he put layer after layer of duct tape over his victims' eyes." Zoe recited after pulling the dum-dum out of her mouth with a pop!

"He knows he wants to kill them, but he still covers their eyes. He doesn't want 'em looking at him, apparently. Okay, but then he takes the body and dumps it right out in the open, murder weapon nearby." 

Zoe turned to Gideon, noting his tense posture and being ADHD, she had hypersensitivity, also known as being a "highly sensitive person" (HSP), which meant she was more empathetic than the average neurotypical person and being raised around profilers plus her own studying and intuition meant she could pick up on what others didn’t and completely missed what everyone else did.

"Not the M.O. of a paranoid convinced he's being watched or surveilled." Spencer said. Twelve minutes in and we're already foreshadowing.

"Paranoid psychosis, but behavior that's not paranoid." Morgan argued.

"Maybe he's schizophrenic." Hotch asked.

"Gideon?" Zoe asked but got no response, "Gideon?"

"Maybe we just don't have enough for a complete profile." Morgan said, pessimistically, as always.

"We have enough to narrow our list of suspects." Hotch said. "You know, we're looking at less than twelve hours to find this woman. We don't know exactly what..."

"Hotch, we don't know anything!" Morgan shouted.

"Gideon!?" Zoe said, loudly.

"All right, enough." Gideon said, quieting the room and Zoe put the dum-dum back into her mouth and started to half spin her chair before using her feet to make her go the other way, never fully spinning around. "Let's tell them we're ready." Then he walked off as Alexander entered with the coffee (and in Zoe's case highly caffeinated Mexican hot chocolate) orders.

"We're ready?" Morgan asked in disbelief as Alexander placed the cup holder tray on the table—Zoe and Spencer taking their respective cups at once—and Alexander followed Hotch after Gideon.

Zoe took a big sip of her hot chocolate and then leaned onto the table to write down a copy of the profile they never really discussed.

"Reid. Zoe. You're good with this? We've got a woman who's only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile, and a unit chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown." Morgan complained.

Gideon came in and picked up something as he said the same thing as Zoe, "They don't call them nervous breakdowns anymore."

"Grandma Morgan." Zoe had added, snarkily as Gideon left.

"It's called a major depressive episode." Spencer said, getting back to writing.

"I know, Reid." Morgan snapped.

"Are you sure? Do you know what year it is, gramps?"

"Okay." Morgan said and walked out.

Zoe’s phone rang and she saw her caller ID, reading, MD.

She brought the phone up to her ear as she spoke to her friend, “Hey. MD, seriously, I’m fine. We’re just about to deliver the profile. Well, you’re not a profiler. I know. I know, you are. Alright, I’ll call you back later.”

——————————————————————————————————

Gideon stood in the middle of the room before getting to the profile.

"The unidentified subject is white and in his late twenties. He's someone you wouldn't notice at first. He's someone who'd blend into any crowd. The violent nature of the crime suggests a previous criminal record—petty crimes. Maybe auto theft. We've classified him as an organized killer—careful. Psychopathic as opposed to psychotic. He follows the news, has good hygiene. He's smart. 'Cause he's smart, the only physical evidence you'll find is what he wants you to find. He's mobile, car in good condition. Our guess—Jeep Cherokee, tinted windows. The murders have all involved rapes. But rape without penetration is a form of piquerism, and that tells us he's sexually inadequate. Psychiatric evaluations will show a history of paranoia stemming from a childhood trauma—death of a parent or family member. And now he feels persecuted and watched. Murder gives him a sense of power. Organized killers have a fascination with law enforcement. They will inject themselves into the investigation. They will even come forward as witnesses to see just how much the police really know. That makes them feel powerful, in control. Which is why I also think—in fact, I know—you have already interviewed him."

——————————————————————————————————

They had an officer with the Seattle FBI agent lure a suspect named Richard Slessman into a nearby house where they tackled him to the ground.

Slessman looked like a near-incompetent monster hunter with a lame catchphrase that was just their first name as a verb that would get bitten by a werewolf with dead eyes. As in Slessman had dead eyes, not the werewolf.

They searched Slessman's house as others spoke to the woman who had opened the door for the previously mentioned agent.

"There's no sign of Heather here." Zoe said after jumping over the banister to make room for the agents 

"We can arrest him with probable cause, but we won't be able to hold him. Slessman's been at the top of the suspect list." Spencer added.

“Is that the mother?" Gideon asked.

The agent came up to them, "Grandmother. The mother died in a fire when he was thirteen."

“Probably not the only fire in his childhood.” Zoe said.

She looked to Spencer and Zoe, "Hi, Agent Elle Greenaway." 

"Special Agent Doctor Zoe Valdez. I prefer Zoe." Zoe shook her hand while Spencer awkwardly and clumsily shifted past them, trying to not make any physical contact with them. "That's Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid. He doesn't understand social interactions while I understand them a little better but despise them."

Elle chuckled and they walked with Gideon and Spencer as 

“Before his Son of Sam murders, David Berkowitz set a multitude of fires.” Spencer said.

"Exactly how much is a multitude?" Morgan asked.

"A multitude." Zoe sassed. Morgan wasn't amused. "A multitude is a multitude many. More than one."

"Zoe's the second snarker on the team. The first is Alexander Noble." Gideon told Elle.

"According to his diary, one thousand-four hundred and..." He trailed off, trying to search through his memories.

"Eighty-eight." Elle and Zoe said.

"Luring him out was your idea, right? Greenway? " Gideon asked.

"Elle. I don't send a SWAT team into a house with children." Elle stated.

"Hotch says your background is in sex offender cases. What can you tell us?" Gideon asked. 

"The last four murders show he's an anger-excitation rapist. He'll keep a victim for a couple of days. He probably records or videotapes them so that he can keep reliving the fantasy."

Zoe balled her fists, her fingernails digging in her palms. 

"You ok with Hotch being in on the interview?" Gideon continued.

"I'd like him to lead, actually." Elle said.

"Fine. But hold off.  Slessman's done time, and he knows the process. And all you will get now is a demand for a lawyer." Gideon said. "Hotch, let's check the garage, then show me what you got.

"Next time, show a little leg." Morgan flirted.

"Spence, you wanna go check out... not here." Zoe said, deadpan.

"Yeah, that-that sounds like a good idea." Spencer said and they went up the stairs at a quicker pace than Morgan and Elle and went to a room at the end of the hall.

"Morgan, the only time you're gonna see a little leg from me is when I'm about to kick your ass." Elle said.

"I still teach hand-to-hand over at Quantico if you need a little brush-up training."

"Yeah, because I passed up so I can humiliate him when Hotch asks me to join. He loses every time." Zoe called to them, much to Morgan's chagrin. "It infuriates him to be beaten by someone who's only been in the FBI less than two years and has only been at the BAU six months and is thirteen years his junior."

"Don't you have a room to search, Doogie Howser?" Morgan asked, irritably.

"Okay, first off, I'm a woman. You'll need to find a girl name, Chicago. Second of all, Doogie Howser is improbable, the youngest people to graduate from medical school were the same age. Balamurali Ambati and me. They'd never have a ten-year-old start medical school, even if he was the legen-dary Neil Patrick Harris."

Spencer appeared next to Zoe to add his criticism to the legendary Neil Patrick Harris' breakout role. "Even if he knew all the information since his emotional development would be taken into account."

"You two ruin everything." Morgan said.

"Elle, you think you're ready for it?" Zoe asked, "the job. You'd have to deal with all of us all day. And we got Garcia who flirts with Morgan even less shame than him."

Zoe moved back into the room with Spencer before Elle strode over, "Zoe, wait. You're the newest member, also somehow only nineteen. The cut off is twenty-three."

"Well, for geniuses, we were given exceptions. I joined the BAU when I was twenty-two." Spencer said.

"I trained with Maze Valdez, no relation,” Absolutely relation, “for a year and a half before..." Her mouth was about to form one word but then she changed, "The BAU requested my transfer. But I'm fully qualified." Like most people Elle assumed Zoe had said that due to her age and not her blood relation to two of the founding members of the BAU.

"Zoe, seriously I want that opening at BAU. You got any advice?" Elle asked.

"My advice? Just trust your instincts. Be intuitive. Be empathetic. Restrain your impulses. At all times, try to understand the Unsub's point of view, including their backstory, their mentality, their family, everything. Put yourself in their shoes as horrible as it is. Be perceptive. Be observant. But most of all, trust your instincts. They're telling you something for a reason."

——————————————————————————————————

Elle found Spencer, Gideon, Zoe, and Alexander upstairs; Alexander seemed to be fussing at Zoe about something in a manner that Elle hadn't experienced in twenty years; Spencer in thirteen.

Zoe irritably snatched a bottle of water and reached into her side satchel that carried her ADHD fidget toys and her antidepressant, ADHD, PTSD, and Cyclothymia (a combination of a variety of pills) pill bottles and she took out only a few of the bottles to take and washed them down with the water.

Elle didn't comment on this as she had figured Zoe had some kind of mental illness due to her constant fidgeting, oral fixation, distractibility, hyperactivity, forgetfulness, and her bag of fidget toys.

Then she spotted a game on a wooden platform with white and black markers.

"What kind of game is it?" Elle asked.

"In China, it's called wei-chi. Here we call it 'Go'." Spencer said.

"It's considered to be the most difficult board game ever conceived." Zoe said, having mastered the game by two and a half.

"Chairman Mao required his generals to learn it." Gideon said.

"It also looks like he's playing himself." Zoe observed, kneeling down beside the game board, nearly knocking it over with her knees, making Spencer's hand fly near it before pulling them back. "Sorry."

"How can you tell?" Elle asked.

Zoe gently pushed the board into a spin, revealing that it was on some kind of rotator wheel.

"My uncle taught me how to build these, I've got a few at home." Zoe said.

"I will come back to that later." Spencer promised her, "This might provide an advantage, actually."

"Yeah, Go is considered to be a particularly psychologically revealing game. There are profiles for every player—the conservative point counter, the aggressor, the finesser. And with what little psychological research that has been done of 'Go' against other games. In Go the large search tree, knowledge, and pattern recognition is more important than in other strategy games, it's theorized playing this reduces the risk of Alzheimer's and dementia and I can already tell I'm doing the off-topic thing again..." Zoe said and saw Elle looking at her, wondering how she knew so much about the psychology of a game Elle didn't know existed five minutes ago, "My, uh, one of my cousins introduced me to it when I was a year and a half." She pursed her lips together, recalling a brief memory where her thirteen-year-old cousin had been pinned to the floor by mental institution security officers and forced into a straightjacket in Las Vegas when she was about three years old.

"A year and a half?" Elle asked, certain she must've heard that wrong.

"What kind of player is Slessman?" Hotch asked, noting Zoe's discomfort which told him it was either one of her criminal relatives or mentally ill relatives.

Zoe stood back up once again, carelessly, bumping against the board game, making the markers jump but no real damage done. "Sorry. Sorry. Need a few angles." Zoe tilted her head as visualizations only she could see formed rather cinematically, putting mental notes on the different players. Her eyes darted up to meet Alexander's first, before darting to the next person's eyes and so on, "Extreme aggressor."

——————————————————————————————————

Elle, Gideon, and Zoe walked into the boy room where Morgan was with the laptop.

"Oh, fake password?" Zoe asked.

"How'd you guess?" Morgan asked.

"Garcia's not the only hacker, I just prefer the field." Zoe shrugged.

"Well, ladies first." Morgan said, pulling the chair out.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" She sassed. Spencer snorted in amusement behind them as Zoe sat down, flipping her streaked dark brown hair.

"Well, then what's the number six at the bottom of the screen?" Elle asked.

"Number of password attempts before the program wipes the hard drive." Morgan said.

"There could be an email, or a journal in the computer, something that tells us where Heather is." Elle said and looked at Zoe, "Do you think you can break in?" 

"In six tries?" Morgan asked, skeptically.

Zoe tilted her head back and looked at Elle and the others upside down, Zoe asked, "I don't know if there's any other viruses on the laptop if I try to hack into it which would wipe the hard drive.”

"Try again. Fail again. Fail better." Gideon quoted and Elle, Zoe, and Morgan just stared at him.

"Samuel Beckett." Spencer recalled.

"Try not. Do or do not." Morgan said.

Gideon looked at him confused before Spencer turned to him, "Yoda."

Zoe was hesitant; while she may be reckless when it came to her own safety; she was so filled with self-loathing and utter conviction that people wouldn't care all that much if she died; but they only had six tries. 

"I'm all for taking risks but not when it holds the life of another person. Zoe Valdez." Zoe sassed. "The password likely means something to him. Our best chance is to either get it out of him or to profile him.”

Gideon turned around and spotted a familiar book spine on the shelf that was written in 1984, he pulled it out and Spencer read the title aloud, "Journal of Applied Criminal Psychology..." Zoe cut herself off from her conversation with Morgan when she heard Spencer say the title and turned to look at them, "Co-written by David Rossi, Jason Gideon, Zelena Valdez, and Alexander Noble."

Her eyes landed on the book and Zoe stood up from the chair and made her way over, Gideon glanced at her as he started to flip through the book before it landed on a newspaper article about the incident from six months ago.

Shrapnel Blast Kills Six

"I wanna talk to him." Gideon said and walked off.

Zoe took the book and a slip of paper fell out, landing on the floor Zoe picked it up and read it. Her eyes grew dark and she stormed out of the room, slamming it into Alexander's chest. He looked at it and his eyes also grew dark.

Zelena V.

Alexander N.

Zarah N. V.

Xiomara N. V. 

Zelena and Zarah were crossed out.

——————————————————————————————————

Gideon approached Slessman and placed the book down on the makeshift interrogation table which was really the cheap dinner table.

"You read my paper. Learn anything?" Zoe and Alexander ran down the stairs, Gideon turned and held out a hand out, making Zoe stop and turned back to Slessman, "go on."

"Heirens said a man living inside of his head was the one who committed the murders. You said he was lying, that there'd never been an actual case of multiple personalities." Gideon gestured for Alexander and Zoe to come in and Slessman's eyebrow raised when he saw them, his eye glued to Zoe.

"I assume you know who these two are?"

"Alexander Noble, co-founder of the BAU in 1983, you were nineteen. Same age as your daughter here, Xiomara Noble-Valdez."

"No one calls me Xiomara and don't call me Noble-Valdez either."

"What? You rather go by the surname of the mother you killed?"

"What did my mother say on Heirenz?" Zoe asked.

"She disagreed. Saying that it was more than likely many serial killers had multiple personality disorder. What do you think, Xiomara?"

"About what?"

"Heirens' diagnosis."

Zoe sat back in her seat, sensing the test and she looked down as she shifted through her thoughts

"Nothing was ever confirmed but it's been theorized that he could've had some sort of personality and/or schizophrenic disorder. Hysterical Personality Disorder. Dissociative Personality disorder. Dissociative Schizophrenic. His mother however, had hysterical paralysis and conversion disorder, formerly known as hysteria, is genetic so most likely HPD but still possible he had DID." Zoe shrugged.

"You have an academic interest in dissociative identity disorder, or you just planning your defense?" Gideon asked and Slessman just chuckled/scoffed. Gideon pulled out the article he found in the book and placed it in front of him. "You a fan of Adrian Baal's work?"

"No. I'm a fan of yours." Slessman said. "You know they never give you the real facts about CPR that outside of a hospital, it's only effective seven percent of the time." Slessman mocked but Zoe had already found that he was arrogant in his intelligence but he wasn't as smart as he thought he was. "Your friend had a ninety-three certainty of dying, but you kept trying even after you'd broken his ribs, even after his blood was all over your hands.

"How are you still alive? Are you learning medical knowledge off of a sitcom or the back of a cereal box? That was deeply inaccurate." Zoe deadpanned. "So you can't figure out how to get into the laptop to Google it either?"

A flash of irritation flickered upon Slessman's face and leaned forwards on the table, "I've heard about you. The daughter of the Scottish FBI agent, never afraid, always mocking others. I bet you're afraid deep down."

Zoe leaned on the table too until her nose was only an inch from Slessman's nose and she spoke in a soft but rather tauntingly intimidating tone but also so a certain nearby agent wouldn't hear, "I once looked a well-known serial killer who derived sexual pleasure off of the fear he inflicted up all twenty victims before brutally killing them, likely he couldn't perform otherwise. I stared him right in the eyes and I knew I was the only one to ever show him no fear and I was twelve years old. I am nineteen years old now and you look like a dentist turned supernatural monster hunter who was so incompetent at his job that he turned into a not-at-all-scary werewolf. I made my first kill when I was thirteen and he was a family member and I never regretted it because he hunted me like an animal for nearly two weeks. So, you don't scare me, so why don't you tell us where Heather Woodland is?"

He tried to cover up the fact he was unnerved and shaken now and he sat back in his chair.

"Woodland?" He feigned vague recognition at the name, "isn't she the girl that went missing a couple days ago?" 

Zoe smirked, confusing Slessman and she got up, spinning on her heel dramatically out of her chair and strode out.

Gideon's eyes darted around the kitchen, noting a recurring theme in the kitchen. Good boys. Growing up in an environment like that wasn't exactly likely to mold a dominant criminal; but the kind to mold... a submissive.

"Get him out of here." Gideon said and he left.

——————————————————————————————————

Hotch found Gideon, Alexander, and Zoe, Gideon wasn't speaking while Alexander once again was fussing over Zoe to put on her sunglasses.

"I'm not putting my sunglasses on. It's fucking dark out here. You know who wears sunglasses at night? Blind people and no-talent douchebags!" She hissed at him

"Hey." Hotch said.

Gideon turned to him, "He said 'isn't she the girl’. If he'd already killed her, he would have said—"

"'Wasn't she the girl'." 

"She's alive. We don't know for how long." Gideon said.

"Is it true what he said about CPR? I mean, I didn't know." Hotch said, gently.

"You want statistics on CPR, ask Reid or Zoe. She's the medical doctor. Zoe, what's the real statistics on CPR?"

"Forty-three percent survive." Zoe said, "Fifty-seven don't." 

"I wanna know if you're okay." Hotch told Gideon.

"I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"Think I can't do the job?" Gideon asked. 

"I think you can't be two different people at once." Hotch said and Zoe flinched.

"Conflicts in the profile." Zoe said.

"What?"

"Slessman's behavior fits a submissive of a duo. Part of the profile but another part conflicts it.

"Two different behaviors." Hotch said.

"Two different people." Zoe added.

"There's a second killer."

——————————————————————————————————

Apparently, the only friend Slessman had was his ex-cell mate, Charlie Linder. Alexander had refused to let Zoe go to the prison and for once she didn't fight him too hard on it. He told Hotch to make sure she didn't sneak off. Zoe was messing with a cube puzzle, sitting in a chair next to Spencer who was on his phone when Hotch approached.

"We get an address on Linder?"

"It's coming right now." Spencer said and turned to Hotch when he went past him, "Does senior management want a field assessment on Gideon? "

Hotch stepped towards the boy genius, "Don't worry about it."

"It's Morgan who's been worrying." Zoe muttered, still doing the cube.

"Are they nervous about him being in charge? Aren't you two on your way back to Slessman's house to help Morgan?" Hotch said and Zoe left to get the keys since Spencer drove so slowly.

"Do you know why he always introduces me as Doctor Reid?" Spencer asked.

"Because he knows that people see you as a kid, and he wants to make sure that they respect you." Hotch told him.

"But he never corrects people for Zoe and she's four years younger than me." Spencer said.

"You're about to be in a car alone with her for ten minutes. Ask her then." Hotch said as Zoe came back.

"It's here." She said.

"What's the address?" Hotch said as Zoe held the paper so they all could read it.

"Don't think it matters anymore." Spencer said.

——————————————————————————————————

Winston Churchill said, "the farther backward you can look, the farther forward you will see.

"I heard you ask Hotch why I never insist on being called Doctor and Gideon or Alexander never correct people when they call me 'Agent'." Zoe said and Spencer looked at her as he clutched his seat, tightly with her reckless driving, "It's because I know they see me as a kid and I want them to. I have always had the element of surprise. I have twenty-four degrees. I finished a four-year medical school in two years. I finished the FBI training in six weeks. I'm a five foot two, nineteen-year-old girl with dyed hair and I refuse to dress as professionally as everyone else. I want them to underestimate me. I prefer to show them up, you don't because you're better. You're... honestly, you're one-of-a-kind, Doctor Reid, I've never met anyone like you. And you should be respected for that." Spencer smiled, warmly at her. She glanced at him, "What?"

"You finished your FBI training in six weeks? That's a twenty-week program." Spencer asked in amused bewilderment.

——————————————————————————————————

Spencer sat on Slessman's bed, spinning a CD while Zoe tried listening to the music with his CD player to get into his headspace. She pulled off the headphones.

"Ugh, this is much too loud."

"I'd think rock was your style." Spencer said, in an attempt of conversation. Something he was terrible at. But Zoe had always been easy to talk to while simultaneously terrifying. She never judged him for being awkward or different. She never interrupted him when he went off on one of his rants like literally everyone else but his mother had but Zoe often had her own inputs of her own knowledge.

"Alternative rock is. Very rarely in the metal section. The only Black Sabbath song I ever heard is Iron Man. What music do you like? School House Rock?" Zoe asked as she took the CD out of the CD player.

"I like Beethoven."

"Ugh. I'll never understand how people can stand classical music." Zoe rolled her eyes as she picked up the nearest CD case. "It's boring and old and there's no story..."

"You gave me the CD case." Spencer reminded her,

Zoe looked at the case she was trying to put the CD in, "Oh, yeah, this isn't the right case..." An idea came to her. "He already had a case empty."

"Like he was using it. Nothing was in the CD player..." Spencer came to the same conclusion.

——————————————————————————————————

Morgan was pacing in the attic, "Oh, come on! I need a password. I need a password. What am I looking for? What could I possibly be looking for?"

"Zoe and I've been thinking about the CD's." Spencer said as he and Zoe entered as he turned a stretched-out paperclip in his hands.

"Oh, guys, come on. We tried the CD's. We searched, sifted, and sorted through every one of this guy's head-banging heavy metal collection. We gotta find something, or this girl is dead."

"Think we may have missed the obvious." Spencer said, using a paperclip to eject the CD holder.

"What are you doing?" Morgan asked and the ejector popped out, revealing a Metallica CD. Morgan picked it up, "Reid, Zoe, what made you think of this?"

"If you're putting this kind of protection on your computer, then you probably use it a lot, it's easier to use the laptop and listen to music on it at the same time." Zoe said.

"And it was the only empty case." Spencer added, handing Morgan the case.

"All right. I'm an insomniac who listens to Metallica to go to sleep at night. What song could possibly speak to me? 

"Enter Sandman." Zoe said so at once. "Trust me, I come from a family of sociopathic and violent insomniacs." Morgan put the password in as she added, "Or as we call ourselves 'independent women'." The home screen popped up, "Morgan, let me. I can find anything relating to Heather fastest."

Zoe pushed Morgan out of his chair and started to type at lightning speed, sticking a bit of her tongue out. Until a box popped up saying: "Are you sure you want to connect to T. Vogel's live camera?"

Yes.

Their eyes widened at what they saw. "Morgan, get the cops. The cops! Get the cops!" Morgan ran out, shouting for them. "Phone, where's my phone!"

She pulled it out of her pocket but dropped it. Spencer grabbed it, fumbling and handed it to her and she called Gideon, "Gideon, Heather's alive."

"How do you know?

"'Cause we're watching her right now."

——————————————————————————————————

They still didn't know where Heather was.

"Zoe, did you see that?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah."

"What?" Morgan asked.

"Zoe, can you show me the last twelve images lined up next to each other?"

"Yep." She said, popping the 'p', typing a few keys and bringing up the twelve.

"What?"

Zoe spoke just a fraction of a second before Spencer, "Right there."

"Right there." Spencer said, "You see that? The light bulb hanging from the wire? Yeah, what about it? It's shifting positions like it's swaying like the Earth is tilting." 

"Not the Earth, doc." Zoe said, "The ocean."

"I'll call, Hotch." Morgan said.

——————————————————————————————————

"According to Zoe, he wouldn't be able to transmit the webcam image from the middle of the ocean. It's the best we got, Hotch. Even if we're right, getting the exact location's on you, my friend. To work me a little magic."

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe sat in front of laptop and she messed with a glow in the dark spinning pen while Spencer absentmindedly messed with a puzzle box of hers.

"Zoe, would you knock that off, I feel like I'm going to have an epileptic seizure." Morgan complained.

"Technically, an epileptic seizure is caused by flashing lights." Spencer corrected.

Morgan snatched the pen from Zoe and she pulled out a shape-shifting fidget cube.

"Guys, look." She said, "he's inside." They saw Vogel unlocking the cage, "get Elle on the phone, Morgan!" She snatched her spinning pen back as he walked off to make the phone call. On the screen, Vogel started to pull Heather out of the cage when she kicked him in the face.

"Ooh." Spencer and Zoe said as they were getting their things together to leave.

"Good instincts, girl. But she won't get far, he's been starving her and raping her with various objects on a boat." Zoe said, "Let's just hope Gideon and Elle get to her in time. I'd better drive." 

——————————————————————————————————

Gideon had angered Vogel until he threw Heather aside to shoot him, allowing Elle to get a shot in, killing Vogel. Zoe had rushed over to check on Heather's condition at once, comforting her with Elle in hushed whispers, doing what she could with her portable mini-medical kit until the ambulance arrived.

Morgan sat with Hotch when the impulsive former cop asked, "So what kind of report do they want on him?"

"I suppose whether he's fit to be a field agent." Hotch said.

"Same one they wanted on Zoe?" Morgan asked.

"Same one they want monthly on Zoe." Hotch corrected.

"Think he'll pass?" Morgan asked after a chuckle at the jab towards the department's wild card.

"You know, Haley and I were looking at a baby names book. Guess what Gideon means in Hebrew." Hotch said as Spencer and Zoe walked up behind them.

"Mighty warrior." Spencer said and walked off before turning back to them, "Appropriate."

"Also, 'great destroyer'; 'great warrior', 'woodsman', 'one who cuts down'." Zoe said, "But apparently in the bible, Gideon was the name of a judge in the Bible and the angels called him a 'mighty warrior' or as Spencer explained to me for five full minutes, so indeed spot on." 

Morgan rolled his eyes at the two geniuses.

"So what are you gonna tell them?"

"About Gideon's report?" Zoe questioned. 

"What would you say?" Hotch asked Morgan. 

"Gideon saved her life. That's good enough for me." Morgan said and walked off.

"Seemed not to be good enough for him when we got here." Zoe murmured with a hint of teasing sarcasm in her tone.

"What do you think?" Hotch asked.

"I think... there may be setbacks due to the whole Adrian Bale situation, we may have a bomber eventually and he'll have to deal with that. But... he's the best and unless Rossi comes out of retirement or as I call it 'hiding from his dozen ex-wives', we could use a founder of the team who is not constantly worried about his daughter's safety and keeping the fact that the newest member of the team is his daughter a secret and the stress that his other daughter has been missing for four years now." Zoe sighed, "It's been four years since I escaped and I still have nightmares of the stuff I allowed myself to remember but eventually, I'm going to have nightmares of the stuff we see again, cases that don't end as well. He can't wait until the guilt stops because then he'll be waiting forever. The only way to stop feeling so guilty is by helping others, he can't do that on medical leave."

"You know you're too wise for nineteen."

"Yeah, the graduations from Yale, Harvard, MiT, and CalTech before I even graduated high school kind of tipped me off to that." She sassed, playfully, though she had an embarrassed blush on her cheeks.

——————————————————————————————————

On the plane back, Morgan was asleep in a chair, still clutching the file. Spencer was asleep on a couch, rather adorably which Zoe definitely did not think or care about and if she were awake she would not think his turning in his sleep was adorable either, nor would she care.

Only Alexander, Gideon, and Hotch were awake, Gideon sat in a seat on a laptop while Alexander sat on a couch diagonal to the older founder with Zoe asleep on the other side of the couch with her head laying on her balled up leather jacket in his lap, making the occasional noise in her sleep, usually it was incoherent mumbles or soft groans or moans but every once in a while, she muttered something.

"Mary... Mary Bell, ten years old... Scotswood... Newcastle... Tyne... nineteen-sixty-eight..." She muttered, apparently dreaming about one of the youngest female serial killers.

Alexander couldn't help but chuckle, having long since lost his concern of her growing up to be what he hunted.

"She still sleeps like she did as a toddler." Gideon remarked as Hotch sat in the seat across the aisle from Gideon.

"Hey."

Zoe suddenly stirred, her groans rising before she rolled over and hit the floor. She woke up, smacking her lips as she saw the three men looking down at her, all rather amused at how she could be both the definition of innocent and the antonym.

"Hey, guys. Uh... you and Haley pick the baby's name yet?" She ignored what happened as she lifted herself back onto the couch. Alexander wrapped his daughter into a fatherly one-armed hug, pulling her against him, kissing the top of her head.

Hotch smiled briefly before saying, "It's funny Haley liked the name Charles—but, you know all I could think of..."

"Manson." Gideon chuckled.

"Then there was Henry." Hotch said.

"Lee Lucas." Alexander supplied.

"Uh... Jeffrey."

"Dahmer." Zoe filled in the blank, sleepily.

"There's just too many of them."

"That was the problem when Zelena and I were coming up with names for this one and..." His eldest daughter's name died on his lips, "you know, luckily they both turned out to be girls and there's not as many girl serial killers."

"You wanna bet?" Zoe tilted her head up, giving him a challenging look. “Plus, you and mom picked the most bizarre names ever. Zarah and Xiomara.”

"Kind of hard to feel good about catching one when you know there are fifty more still out there." Gideon said.

Hotch looked away for a moment and the father and daughter exchanged looks, having a feeling he was thinking about that one serial killer who got away seven years prior.

"How's your report going?" Gideon said, having not been on the case due to his son Stephen having his appendix removed but knowing it weighed heavily on Hotch's shoulders. Hotch chuckled at Gideon, knowing this, "Didn't think you could hide that from an old profiler, now, did ya?"

"Oh, Gideon, you're not old. Not compared to Rossi, he's always been a cranky sixty-year-old man at heart." Zoe teased.

"You know, you saved that girl today. You can feel good about that." Hotch told Gideon.

"It is good. It's a good thing." Gideon said.

"Zoe, you need to go get some sleep. Go." Alexander said and pushed his daughter off the couch and towards the side of the plane where Spencer and Morgan were.

"Or else what? I'll turn into an UnSub?" She muttered, sarcastically before toppling herself in a couch beside Spencer's.

"She's good." Gideon said, 

——————————————————————————————————

Late February to Early March, 2005

Dumfries, Virginia

Nietzsche once said, "when you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you."

Soon before the Boston bombing case, Gideon was driving back to Quantico, talking to Zoe Noble-Valdez on the phone as a test run to see if she could get an interview was to create a profile for the Footpath Killer, theorizing a white man in his twenties, most likely an American van, a menial job that was most likely isolated containing few visitors and little to no possibility for witnesses, and a possible stutter.

He had already made the profile but she was doing it on her own which turned out to be a bit more detailed than his.

Zoe had been through a recent traumatic event just a few weeks before but Zoe had always been better at compartmentalizing and dealing with trauma better than others.

He hung up on the young girl he had helped his co-founder raise when he stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere to get gas. He filled up his car tank and went inside the gas station for some unnecessities.

He took a single candy bar and placed it at the counter, "I'll take this." 

As the gas station clerk rang up the purchase, Gideon's eyes wandered behind him to the wall of photos, noticing several but not all were of the Footpath Killer's known victims, they were up-close and personal. 

Gideon turned to see the cashier's truck, it was an old, dingy American truck, maybe a Chevy, looking like it could use some repairs.

The cashier's gas station was in the middle of nowhere, isolated enough for the occasional customer with little to no risk of a witness.

He turned back to the cashier, a white man who seemed to be in his mid-twenties. Only one characteristic remained.

"Have a n-n—a n-n-n-nice day." He stuttered. He had a stutter. He fit the profile to a "T"

Gideon looked at the clerk for a long time and then the clerk glanced down to see Gideon's holster. He was law enforcement but he didn't react with Gideon watching him. 

Gideon took the money and left the store as the clerk moved quickly inside the shop and reappeared behind him with a shotgun. Gideon spotted him in the reflection of a sign, pointing the gun at him, ready to fire.

*Spencer Reid Gif Source: @borahaes*

*Edited November 8, 2024*

[pjstafford]

Scully’s Journey to All Things

In my current rewatch of The X Files, I have paid closer attention to how episodes which are not considered part of a specific arc and are considered “Stand alone” episodes fit together as if they could be a mini arc of character development.  The season seven episode All things, written by Gillian Anderson, certainly seems like it is the culmination of something important even if, in typical X Files fashion, it is shaded and couched in maybes.  At the end of this season, Scully is pregnant, and the viewer certainly believes it is Mulder’s child.  Many people believe it’s because they consummated their love in this episode. Also, Scully, the skeptic and Catholic, attempts to use holistic medicine to cure a man whom she once loves after praying in a Buddhist temple and having a vision.  How did we get here?  The episode is sometimes criticized that Scully does things out of character.   It is my impression that if we look at the three episodes which precede All Things, we can make an argument that Scully’s journey has intensified to a point to make her decisions in All Things perfectly in character.

It is worth noting that during the filming of season seven, there was widespread speculation that it would be the last season.  Both David Duchovny and Chris Carter had contracts which were ending and David Duchovny was in a lawsuit with Fox over syndication rights. It must have been a difficult task between trying to bring an epic, beloved series to a successful closure while, also, leaving the opportunity open for additional seasons.  The series did continue, but season seven does have the specter of the end hanging over it.  

Mulder had always been on a quest for the truth of what happened to his sister.  He gets that in the episode 11 “Closure.”  What has Scully been on a quest for? She was assigned to provide scientific analysis of Mulder’s work and began to believe in his work while always trying to use a scientific method.  She has seen things which tested her faith but has always returned to her Catholic upbringing.  She has been tempted to leave the X Files, but stays and there is no doubt about her devotion and commitment to Mulder. There is, also, no doubt that she has been annoyed by his inability to maintain a work/life balance.  The will they/ won’t they dynamic has been drawn out too long but in Millenium there was a New Year’s kiss and they certainly have seemed a bit more flirtatious in this season which some fans have called “The Season of Secret Sex.” 

Theef is a an episode where Mulder and Scully continue their flirtatiousness and, also, where she is more open to extreme opportunities.  Initially she questions Mulder as she has so many times about why the case is an X-File.  The fact that Mulder and Scully joke about the expectation that she is going to ask him indicates that in this episode there might be a shift.  Quickly she pivots to “hex-craft.  I’ll buy that as the intent here.”  Does she mean it or is she teasing Mulder when she follows up with “I’ll always leave you guessing”? Regardless of her openness at the point of that conversation, Scully goes temporarily blind in this episode due to voodoo magic.  The last scene shows Scully questioning whether or not Peattie could have saved his daughter’s life even though medical science could do no more than ease her pain. That is quite the shift for Scully and leads to Mulder saying under his breath, after she leaves the room, “You do keep me guessing.”  This is an aside because I have to - the way in which Mulder says this line rises to a new level of yearning and appreciation.  

Theef leads so well into En Ami.  This is another episode where if there is a delay between watching the episodes, a viewer might scratch their head and wonder why, why, why would Scully run away with the villain of the show. “Thee f” has made Scully question her faith in traditional medicine.  The cancer man offers her information which is the cure for all cancer and she is aware that her cancer was cured by a mysterious chip in the back of her neck.  She would never happen have left with CSM if she was not at an odd crossroads in her life, but people do odd, out of character, risky things when at odd crossroads in their life.  Also in En Ami, the cancer men talks about how he has “studied her for years...you’ve drawn to powerful men, but you fear their power.”  In All Things we will become aware of another powerful man in Scully’s life she walked away from.  It is not unreasonable to think the CSM knew about this part of her life as well.  

Chimera is an episode which forces Mulder to experience domestic life and its unpleasant aspect.  It is a Mulder focused episode.  It is important to note though that Scully is in a stakeout and is unhappy about the assignment.  She solves the case without Mulder’s assistance, but it probably leads to her feeling so out of sorts at the beginning of All Things.  

So these are the three preceding episodes with which we arrive at All Things.  

We begin with Scully getting dressed in Mulder’s bathroom while Mulder lies naked in his bed.  (We will come back to this).  The voice over is important.  Scully is pondering her life decisions big and small.  The next scene is 63 hours earlier.  

The scene is in the basement office with yet another slide show and Mulder trying to get Scully interested in crop circles.  It reminds me of Never Again where the agents aren’t in a heated argument, they are just not in rhythm.  (One of my favorite parts of this episode is the emphasis on rhythms of life like ticks of the clock).  Scully is done.  She is, perhaps, still fatigued from Chimera.  She has just done an autopsy.  She has no interest in going with Mulder to England to see crop circles.  The fact that Mulder simply shrugs, says he will cancel her ticket, and still plans on going emphasizes their differences and what her life will be like if she continues with him in her life.  

Then we have the coincidences of life stepping in.  On her way to the hospital to pick up autopsy results there is a mixed up in the envelopes and she finds out an once powerful man she loved is in the hospital seriously ill.  Along the way in this episode she will administer life-saving medicine to him only to see him in a coma.  We find out that he was married, she was his student in medical school and that she left.  She is forced to consider the life she might have had if she had stayed.   Is that the life she wants now?  The life she would never have with Mulder.  On the other hand a part of her wants to walk away from Mulder.  What will she regret then? What is the right path?   Then, there are a bunch of other coincidences and occurrences.  Eventually she ends up with a holistic healer trying to bring Dnaiel back out of his coma.  He comes out.  Perhaps it was her holistic help, but Daniel, the doctor says no.  I think this decision to try a different approach goes right back to Theef and the recognition that modern medicine is not all and that in En Ami she was willing to take dangerous steps to find other paths.  It’s in character for her at this point in her life. It might be out of character in another week.

Back to the Mulder and Scully relationship and did they have sex in All Things.  I say it doesn’t matter.  Maybe.  Maybe not.   She was asleep on the couch at the end of the episode.  Why was she in the bathroom?  He only has one and she needed to go first thing in the morning before she leaves?  Why was he naked?  its his place, its how he sleeps, Scully has seen him nude before.   To me what is more significant is that they have begun a serious conversation about their life together and all they mean together, She has made a decision.  One which he was just waiting for her to make. 

[coo1day]

primal impressions, retentions and protentions (example relates to music)

According to Husserl’s well-known analysis of time-consciousness, the stream of consciousness has a three-part structure, consisting of primal impressions (the present perception or activity of consciousness), retentions (holding in awareness what has just been experienced) and protentions (approximate expectations of what is to come). Husserl’s favorite example relates to music: when we hear a melody, we remain continuously aware of the tones we have just heard, and at the same time they generate a certain expectation of how the melody might continue. Our perception of a melody is thus not a sequence of individual tones – that would not result in a melody – but a dynamic, self-organizing process that integrates the tone impressions into the temporal unity of the melody. Protention, which we will now examine in more detail, initially means a rough expectation of the further course of external or self-initiated events – such as moving objects, melodies heard, one’s own movement or thought processes. ...Protentions fundamentally imply the expectation of the probable, i.e. that things will go on as before or happen as usual. Now it is possible that the protentions are smoothly fulfilled or confirmed in the primal impression: the door slams shut and it bangs as expected; the melody continues in a familiar way; I reach for the hammer and it is as heavy as ever. But the impression can also turn out differently than expected, and a surprise or disappointment arises – for example, when the melody unexpectedly changes from major to minor. A shrill discordant note that suddenly interrupts the melody would be completely contrary to expectation, i.e., quite improbable. Nevertheless, as DeRoo rightly points out, even a surprise rests on some kind of continuity, or a partial fulfillment of protentions, for otherwise the continuity of experience itself would be lost. ...An example of this extension of protention into the future is provided by a musical dissonance that demands a resolution to the tonic. This “demand” is heard or anticipated protentionally, even though we do not know when and how this resolution will finally occur. Similarly, when listening to spoken sentences, they often form extended braces, so that, for example, an “on the one hand” calls for an “on the other hand”, but this may occur with a considerable delay. (Thomas Fuchs. The not-yet-conscious Protentional consciousness and the emergence of the new.)

[sheetmusiclibrarypdf]

You Don't Know What Love Is (Live) Charlie Haden's Solo analysis

You Don't Know What Love Is (Live in 1966-released in 1998) Charlie Haden & Kenny BarronFrom the album Night And The City (Charlie Haden & Kenny Barron)Charlie Haden's Solo analysisBest Sheet Music download from our Library.Please, subscribe to our Library. Thank you!

You Don't Know What Love Is (Live in 1966-released in 1998) Charlie Haden & Kenny Barron

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQngQ-uMY74 From the album Night And The City (Charlie Haden & Kenny Barron)

Charlie Haden's Solo analysis

This solo starts with an 11th or 4th resolving to a 5th in the first bar, a suspension at the very beginning. In bar 2, Charlie Haden plays a little motif that keeps being revisited during the solo over different chords. In this context, it is part of a five note phrase spelling out the scale sound of the G7B5. The first three notes get repeated further in: Db, C and Bb. Here they are a flat 5th, perfect 4th (or 11th) and minor 3rd, descending and with a slide between the first two notes and a hammer-off between the second and third notes. Also, the five note phrase seems to part of a mini sequence in this bar, spelling out the sound of the G-7b5 going to C7 with the inclusion of an E natural - an F harmonic minor rather than a G lorian. The motif gets used again in bar 4, this time in a different key, but still the same tone relationship and also the same slide and hammer-off placement. We see it again at bar 5, this time weighted toward the C7b9 side of the bar, but it’s the same notes and slide and hammer-off. At bar 6, he uses the 5th of each chord to descend from F to Db, the 5th being a sound he particularly enjoys, using it in bar 1, and again at bar 9. Diatonically, there are no big surprises in the bars that follow; the motif appears again at the end of bar 11, in slightly different guise, and again at the end of bar 13, although strictly speaking it’s only two of the three notes - one tends to hear the third note here anyway as the pattern has been well established in the listener’s consciousness! Again at bar 14, this time with the slide and hammer-off intact, and a chromatic passing tone in the form of an A natural as the last note of the bar going to an Ab, or 5th in the key of Db. The 5lh is used again at bar 16 - a C note over the F. The major 7th is also used at the end of this bar to resolve the phrase before going on to the bridge at bar 17. At the bridge, Charlie Haden goes up an Eb major scale, but coming down, he puts in a color note in the form of an E natural or flat 9th as the last note before landing on Eb or the 5th of Ab. The next note, Gb, is also a color note, implying the passing F7 has a flat 9th. Next we see the motif again at bar 19, quickly followed by a bebop phrase, with the 5th featuring as a leading note at the beginning of beats 3 and 4 and again beats 1 and 3 in bar 20. D lorian at bar 21, a notable trill or embellishment, and then the 5th again at bar 22. Bar 23 sees the use of a very low G over (or under!) the Db7+11 then Ab under a C7 at bar 24. These two bars sound very stem indeed. The last eight bars start with Charlie Haden playing a low G or 9th turning on the low F and coming back up the F- scale to the 5th, then on the last note of the bar, a chromatic passing tone to the tonic of the next chord at bar 26, a D natural to a Db. The same Db is used in the second ha of that bar as a B9 over (under) C7, thereby becoming a tension device that has a delayed resolution in bar 27 to the 5lh again. Bar 28 is interesting as much as Charlie Haden continues the tonic Gb from the second ha of the previous bar into the next using it as a passing tone that resolves up to G, or the #11, instead of down to F, or the 3rd, a more normal course of events. A brief but satisfying sequence in the second ha of bar 30, over Eb- to Ab7 takes him to the 5th at bar 31, where the same notes used in the motif are employed to end the solo, this time without and slides or hammer off. Rhythm: It becomes very clear early on in this solo that Charlie Haden is used to subdividing the beat and then subdividing it again, and then even further. He starts with a quarter note triplet figure with the second two notes tied, so that it sounds only as two notes, then follows it in the same bar with an eighth note triplet, then follows that with a sixteenth note triplet in the bar. It’s not long before we make it to dotted thirty-second notes (bar 4). He implies a double time swing feel to those 32nd notes but pulls in the reins with the last two eighth notes of that bar. There is no ambiguity about that bar, anyway. Charlie Haden is playful at bar 6, playing after the front note of each beat in answer to a descending chord movement played by Kenny Barron. The solo continues gathering momentum at bar 13, going to a very complex grouping at bar 14 - a quarter note, an eighth, a 16th note triplet or part thereof, a group of straight 16ths with a dotted 32nd skip beat, then another 16th note triplet and a solitary eighth note. There’s a displaced or delayed note right on beat 2 in bar 16 before he ends the second A section with a kind of musical punctuation mark (a full stop), a 16th note followed by a dotted 8th on the last beat. At bar 17, we are at the bridge or B section of the tune. Charlie Haden waits for the downbeat of the bar before playing a 16th note run. There are no surprises here or the next bar, but at bar 19 he starts with a sliding blues motif before launching into a bebop phrase of 32nd notes that become 16th note triplets, continue across the bar line into bar 20 where he not only slows things up dramatically with the dotted 8lh, 16th and quarter note at the end of that bar but also clears up any ambiguity as to where the pulse might be after such a flurry of notes. This is a very good example of what to the listener could sound like a freely placed ‘a tempo’ phrase, but is in actual fact an extremely subdivided, within the pulse, run of notes and therefore quite the opposite. There’s another in ease then de ease in rhythmic phrasing in the next two bars, then two bars of 8th notes, dotted 8ths and 16ths, and 8th note triplets to end the bridge section. Describing it thus does not do it justice, because with the register he plays these notes in, and the actual notes themselves, this is a powerful statement that sounds very much to me like the drums that accompany a man on his way to the gallows! In this case, the gallows of love. These two bars also fall at the golden mean mark, and as such could be considered the high point or climax of the solo. This is an antihero of a climax then, because the notes are all very low on the bass, and quite deliberate, with audible finger clicks on each one. It seems, too, as if the major statement was there, because - rhythmically, anyway - the last eight bars pass very uneventfully. Modes of Expression: This song has a blues influence and so on could expect some slides and other blues oriented expressions, and Charlie Haden does not disappoint. He plays a blues-like motif that incorporates a slide and a hammer-off, at the beginning of bar 2, then again at bars 4, 5, 14, and 19. He also plays a slide at bar 13, but this time without the hammer-off. Furthermore, he uses emphasized notes, mostly tenuto, at bars 1, 2, 3, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 16, 18, 19, 21, 26, 27, 30, 31 and 32. At bar 21, the emphasized notes are just before a trill, a difficult maneuver on a double bass! Other points of expression of interest are found at bars 1,12, 28 and 31 in the form of vibrato. The most interesting thing however occurs at bars 23 and 24 with every single note (and four notes in the next bar) emphasized with a finger click. That’s 21 in a row. Read the full article

[rijallaw]

USCIS RFE Response Lawyer: Making The Case For You

Have you received a “Request for Evidence” (RFE) by the USCIS and feel uncertain about the next steps? Does it feel like this is a bad sign for the continuation of your immigration journey? It’s completely natural to feel this way. After all, dealing with immigration protocols can be intimidating, particularly when an RFE comes into play. A USCIS RFE response lawyer from our firm can make the best, most compelling case on your behalf. Always remember: a RFE isn’t an outright denial of your case, but a sign that immigration authorities need further information or clarifications to move forward. We can help you to move forward properly, responding how the authorities want to be responded to.

Understanding The RFE The RFE is, in many ways, a comprehensive document. Often, the first paragraph outlines your application, what you applied for, when they received it, who processed it, as well as (and this is perhaps the most crucial part) that they lack sufficient evidence to make a determination about your case, one way or the other. It will also most likely contain records of all the documents already submitted in support of your application. While it’s easy to gloss over this, review it in detail. This can help you to note undisclosed or potentially unreviewed submissions. There very well could be items missing from the list that could aid the officer reviewing your case. You’ll also find the part that lists what the USCIS needs to decide about you. The good news: this section usually offers alternate options for the documentation required. For example, if a birth certificate is required, it may state that school records and “affidavits of birth” could be provided instead.The deadline is on the RFE too and, as you probably know by now, you don’t have a lot of time to respond to an RFE. That’s just one more reason it’s so important to reach out to us as soon as you can.

Act Quickly with A USCIS RFE Response Lawyer

When faced with an RFE, time plays a crucial role. USCIS typically provides a period of one to three months (30 to 90 days) for response submission. While this may seem a generous span, it’s vital to act promptly. Any delay may put your case at risk. The sooner you get in touch with us, the faster we can get to work to deliver a timely, comprehensive response. It may sometimes feel overwhelming, but it is, indeed, an opportunity — an opportunity for clarity and to sway the USCIS decision in your favor.

Obtain the Required Documents with Ease

With years of experience under our belt, Rijal Law Firm is adept at navigating the maze of paperwork required for our clients. We specialize in personalizing our approach to match your unique situation. For some, this may mean providing straightforward documents such as birth certificates, but for others, this could include a variety of intricate documents and supplementary details. To ensure the simplest process for you, consultation with a seasoned attorney is key.

Making the Most of an Opportunity

The moment you receive an RFE, USCIS puts a hold on your petition review until your response has been received. This temporary interruption gives you the chance to collate and submit the required information effectively. Once they’ve received your response, USCIS will recommence the analysis, typically taking only a brief period of time to make a decision. However, it’s important to bear in mind that these timelines can occasionally stretch. We understand how complicated this can be, so we are there to support you every step of the way.

Response to RFE: What to Avoid:

Make sure to avoid any discrepancies or lack of information. If there are any inconsistencies, clarify them when you submit your application. One thing we see often: make sure you explain any evidence in a foreign language. That means providing complete, certified translations. Speaking of clarity, not all scans or copies are easy to read (to say the least). You want any included to be as clear as possible. We can help with that, as well as with the general organization of your package. You want it to be as direct and straightforward as possible for the USCIS to review.

Support From Rijal Law Firm

Rijal Law Firm is always ready to assist with RFEs. But our services extend beyond that. We offer comprehensive immigration solutions that are custom-designed to meet our clients’ individual needs. We recognize that the immigration process is complex, even for those who’ve taken great care to fulfill their documentation responsibilities. Therefore, we are committed to uncovering the most effective strategies to support your immigration ambitions.If you find yourself at a juncture in your immigration journey, our skilled professionals are standing by to help. We offer a free case evaluation where you can share your concerns and aspirations with us. Schedule this by getting in touch with us through our website or via phone call.

[spacenutspod]

On August 10th, 2023, Roscosmos’ Luna-25 mission launched from the Vostochny Cosmodrome atop a Soyuz-2 rocket. This mission was the first lunar mission to launch from Russia since the 1970s and would be the first Russian lander to touch down in the South-Pole Aitken basin. This mission was part of Roscosmos’ partnership with China to develop an International Lunar Research Station (ILRS) in the region by 2030. Unfortunately, Russia announced on Saturday, August 19th, that the lander spun out of control and crashed into the surface. According to the Roscosmos statement, mission controllers lost contact with the craft at 11:57 AM GMT (07:57 AM EST; 04:57 AM PST) after the craft entered its pre-landing orbit. A soft landing was originally planned for Monday and would have been the first time a non-Soviet mission reached the lunar surface. Originally named the Luna-Glob lander, the first of three that would explore the Moon’s southern polar region, the agency decided to change the name to Luna-25 to establish continuity with the Soviet program. As Roscosmos explained on the mission website: “[D]uring the operation to transfer to the pre-landing orbit, an abnormal situation occurred that did not allow the maneuver to be performed with the specified parameters. According to the results of the preliminary analysis, due to the deviation of the actual pulse parameters from the calculated ones, the automatic station switched to an off-design orbit and ceased to exist as a result of a collision with the lunar surface.” Artistic rendering of the Luna-25 lander on the surface of the Moon. Credit: NASA Roscosmos also indicated a special inter-departmental commission had been established to investigate the reason for the failure. According to Anatoly Zak, the creator and publisher of RussianSpaceWeb (who has been following the mission and posting regular updates), the flight control systems were rumored to be at fault. As he published on August 20th: “According to one rumor [that] surfaced on August 20, the Onboard Flight Control System, BKU of the lander mishandled the so-called variable thrust controller (privod regulyatora tyagi), which manages the operation of the propulsion system on Luna-Glob. Around the same time, the [official] Russian media quoted IKI scientist Natan Eismont as saying that [the] problems with the spacecraft had been discovered well before the fatal orbit-lowering maneuver, which would have to be postponed to deal with the problem.” Zak also related a subsequent statement made by Roscosmos Director General Yuri Borisov earlier today, which was also reported by Russian newspaper Moskovsky Komsomolets and Radio Free Europe. All sources confirm that Borisov announced that an engine failure was to blame after it fired for 127 seconds instead of the planned 84 seconds. The failure is a rather significant blow to the Russian space program, which has experienced several setbacks since the beginning of the war in Ukraine, including the termination of its agreement with the ESA to launch the ExoMars 2022 mission and its planned withdrawal from the International Space Station (ISS). The mission was also intended to raise Russia’s profile in space since the previous Russian-built mission that went to the Moon was the Luna-24 lander in 1976, nearly 50 years ago. Hoping to pick up where their Soviet counterparts left off, Roscosmos initiated the program in 1999 after two years of delays caused by the Russian financial crisis. By the late 2000s, Russia made significant progress, thanks in part to international cooperation and contribution from JAXA and China. This program also served as a pathfinder for the Phobos-Grunt mission, which failed in 2011 when its upper-stage engines failed to ignite. Luna-25 was to be followed by two more robotic landers that would explore the South Pole-Aitken Basin and scout locations and resources for the future ILRS – a program created in response to the Artemis Accords. This failure underscores Russia’s decline as a space power since the days of the Space Race and delivered a blow to the country’s space program when it really needed a win. It also comes at a time when Roscosmos is facing a budget crunch thanks to the strain of sanctions and the cost of fighting the largest war in Europe since World War II. Mission Poster for the Russian Phobos-Grunt soil sample return spacecraft that launched to Mars and its moon Phobos on 9 November 2011. Credit: Roscosmos/IKI The failure is good news for the India Space Research Organization (ISRO), which has been in competition with Roscosmos to get their Chandrayaan-3 mission to the lunar surface. Similar to its Chandrayaan-2, the mission consists of an orbiter, a Vikram lander, and a Pragyan rover that is scheduled to land on Wednesday, August 23rd, at 05:20 PM India Standard Time (07:50 AM EST; 04:50 AM PST). As Zak reported, the competition to “get their first” may have played a role in the failure: “[According] to some speculations on Russian social media, the mission managers were pressured not to postpone the transfer to a lower orbit in order to beat an Indian lander to the lunar surface, which was scheduled to touch down near the South Pole of the Moon on Aug. 23, 2023,” he wrote. This echoes sentiments allegedly expressed by Russian scientists complaining that Russia’s space program has been hampered by poor management, corruption, the desire for unrealistic vanity space projects, and a general decline in rigor for Russia’s post-Soviet science education. Leading Soviet-era physicist and astronomer Mikhail Marov, currently a professor of Planetary Physics at Moscow State University and consulted on the Luna-25 mission, was rushed to hospital after learning of the crash. In an interview with Moskovsky Komsomolets from the hospital (quoted by the UK publication Metro), he expressed how the mission was a personal tragedy for him but that he hoped another attempt to land a Luna mission would be made in the near future: “I’m under observation. How can I not worry, this is largely a matter of life. It’s all very hard. It’s sad that we didn’t manage to land the device. For me, this was perhaps the last hope to see the revival of our lunar program. I hope that we can manage, that the leadership of Roskosmos will have a desire, even a conscious need to repeat this experiment.” Moskovsky Komsomolets has also reported that scientists at the Keldysh Institute of Applied Mathematics, part of the Russian Academy of Sciences (RAS), modeled the trajectory of the Luna-25’s spacecraft to determine where it crashed. According to their calculations, the spacecraft landed in the Pontecoulant crater in the southern hemisphere of the Moon. Further Reading: Reuters The post Russia's Luna 25 Lander Crashed Into the Moon appeared first on Universe Today.

[xtruss]

After Five Months of Strained Ties, US Admits Chinese Balloon Did Not Collect Information

— Global Times Staff Reporters | June 30, 2023

Graphic: Global Times

After repeated hyping of the so-called Chinese spy balloon incident for nearly five months, the Pentagon on Thursday admitted the airship did not collect any information, not to mention send any data back to China. This is an objective result that should be welcomed, but it came too late, as the incident has damaged mutual trust, totally changed the environment for communication between China and the US, and caused the two sides to miss a better time to restore relations, Chinese experts said.

Analysis of debris collected from a Chinese balloon drifting into the sky over the US and shot down by the latter in February showed that "it did not collect [any information] while it was transiting the US or over flying the US" despite that it "had intelligence collection capabilities," Pentagon spokesperson Brigadier General Pat Ryder told media on Thursday.

A Chinese balloon spent a week in February flying over the US and Canada before it was shot down by a fighter jet off the Atlantic coast, on orders from President Joe Biden. Although Chinese authorities reiterated that the balloon was a civilian weather balloon, some US media and hawkish politicians continued to hype it as a spy balloon, underscoring the increasing tensions between the world's two largest economies.

In response, Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson Mao Ning said at a press conference on Friday that China has reiterated on many occasions that the Chinese civilian airship drifting into the sky over the US was an unintended, unexpected and isolated event caused by force majeure. Calling the airship a "spy balloon" and claiming it is used to collect intelligence is total slandering and smearing, Mao stressed.

Citing some anonymous officials, a Wall Street Journal report on Thursday claimed that the balloon was found to be carrying some American-made equipment helping it to collect photos, videos and other information. Ryder did not confirm the report on Thursday when he announced the result of the Pentagon's analysis.

The Pentagon's brief announcement on Thursday showed that the US, or at least the US' defense department, is trying to close the chapter on the incident as it must have realized that the facts are slapping them in the face, Lü Xiang, a research fellow at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, told the Global Times on Friday.

"We should welcome the move, but I have to say that it is far from enough. The US hyping damaged the basic mutual trust between China and the US and set a bad precedent in dealing with a foreign country's civilian facility by using the military to shoot down the balloon. They should express regret for the decision," Lü said.

The balloon incident fundamentally changed the atmosphere between the two countries. Blinken postponed a reported visit to Beijing. This led to a delay in the progress of China-US interactions of about five months for no good reason, which is very unfavorable given the already high tension between the two countries, Lü noted.

Secretary of State Antony Blinken was said to have been planning a diplomatic trip to China before the balloon incident, but reportedly postponed the plan soon after it occurred. The trip was rescheduled and Blinken visited Beijing in June.

However, the US Department of Defense's Defense Security Cooperation Agency on Thursday approved new arms sales to Taiwan worth $440 million. The arms package is to include 30mm ammunition, spare parts for wheeled vehicles and other items, according to media reports. This is the 10th arms-sales package to Taiwan made under US President Joe Biden.

China urges the US to abide by the one-China principle and the provisions of the three China-US joint communiqués, stop selling weapons to Taiwan island, stop creating factors that lead to tensions in the Taiwan Straits and stop damaging the peace and stability in the region, Mao Ning said in response to the deal at the Friday press conference.

The US is building Taiwan island into a powder keg and ammunition depot. This is not "protecting" or "defending" the island but damaging and ruining it, the Taiwan Affairs Office of China's State Council said Friday, slamming the deal.

Earlier this week, a US bipartisan congressional delegation led by House Armed Services Committee Chairman Mike Rogers landed in Taiwan for a three-day visit.

We must face the fact that US diplomacy will continue to show a character of being two-faced, as it views China as a main strategic opponent and will not change its strategy of containing China before it regains an absolute advantage over China, Lü said.

The Chinese central government must have become aware of this and is making adjustments in its strategy in the Taiwan Straits and the South China Sea to maintain China's practical control of the regions amid the US' provocation, Lü pointed out, citing China's firm actions in the Taiwan Straits since last year including large-scale military drills and the flying of fighter jets across the so-called median line of the Taiwan Straits, which the Chinese mainland had declared a non-existent concept.

Some experts expect more windows of opportunity in China-US relations to open after US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen was reported to be planning a trip to China in early July, but they also warned that the window will not be open for long, so Washington needs to make sincere moves rather than create new trouble.

When asked is there still a window of opportunity to repair China-US ties before US elections, former Chinese Ambassador to the US Cui Tiankai told the Global Times on Thursday that it's never too late if there is political will. "China has shown its political commitment to improving relations."

[phelanspharmacy]

How And When To Take Sildenafil

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When you take this drugs, it's particularly necessary that your healthcare professional know if you're taking any of the medicines listed under. The following interactions have been chosen on the idea sidena tablets of their potential significance and usually are not essentially all-inclusive. Tell your physician in case you have ever had any unusual or allergic response to this medication or some other medicines.

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That's the same sort of processor structure that's utilized by Apple in its Apple Silicon chips at present found in the iPad Pro and a variety of other Macs. When you disconnect the keyboard from the Duet 5, the interface will barely modify and adapt to a touch-first approach, perfect for a tablet. If you live and work in Google's ecosystem, then the Chromebook Duet 5 makes lots of sense. When it's docked, you will get a regular Chromebook structure and interface.

This medicine usually begins to work for erectile dysfunction inside 30 minutes after taking it. It continues to work for up to 4 hours, though its motion is often much less after 2 hours. Patients ought to search instant medical consideration in the event of a sudden loss of imaginative and prescient in one or each eyes while taking this drug. This drug offers no safety in opposition to sexually transmitted illnesses. Consider protective measures against sexually transmitted diseases. Alpha-blockers, corresponding to terazosin, tamsulosin, doxazosin, alfuzosin, or silodosin.Increased unwanted effects can include a drop in blood strain, or fainting.

[sciencespies]

Administration Expected to Endorse Limited Drilling in Alaska Project

https://sciencespies.com/environment/administration-expected-to-endorse-limited-drilling-in-alaska-project/

Administration Expected to Endorse Limited Drilling in Alaska Project

An environmental review expected soon would effectively signal that the Willow project proceed, according to people familiar with the report.

WASHINGTON — The Biden administration is expected to propose a scaled-down version of a sprawling oil drilling project in the North Slope of Alaska, according to two people familiar with the decision. The proposal would allow drilling to proceed on a limited basis as part of an $8 billion project known as Willow that climate activists have criticized for years.

The project, led by ConocoPhillips, has the potential to eventually unlock 600 million barrels of crude oil. Opponents say the decision undermines the Biden administration’s promises to cut fossil-fuel use in order to limit the damage from climate change.

The Bureau of Land Management in Alaska is preparing to say that it has selected a “preferred alternative” for development on the National Petroleum Reserve in Alaska that calls for curtailing the project from five drill sites to three, according to one person who viewed the draft report in recent days, and a second who was independently briefed on the report’s contents. Both requested anonymity to discuss the details of the plan.

The BLM’s action, which is expected in the coming days, is an environmental analysis that includes options that range from permitting five drill sites (the outcome sought by ConocoPhillips) to not allowing drilling at all. It does not represent a final decision by the government, but it would effectively be a recommendation to proceed with a scaled-back drilling operation.

Separately, BLM and White House officials are considering additional measures to reduce carbon dioxide emissions and environmental harm, such as delaying permitting decisions for one of the drill sites and planting trees, according to one of the two people familiar with the plan.

The Biden Administration’s Environmental Agenda

Colorado River: The seven states that rely on water from the shrinking river are unlikely to agree to voluntarily make deep reductions in their water use, which would force the Biden administration to impose cuts.

Mining Ban: A 20-year moratorium on new mining activity for more than 225,000 acres of federal land in Minnesota could deal a fatal blow to a proposed Twin Metals copper-nickel mine.

Logging in Alaska: The Biden administration banned logging and road-building on about nine million acres of the Tongass National Forest, North America’s largest temperate rainforest.

A Struggling E.P.A.: Despite an injection of funding, the Environmental Protection Agency is still reeling from an exodus of scientists and policy experts during the Trump administration.

The Interior Department’s final decision is expected to be issued in the next month or so. That decision will ultimately be made in the White House by President Biden’s top advisers, several administration officials said.

The White House did not respond to a request for comment.

The move to allow some drilling is widely considered a balancing act as the Biden administration seeks a middle ground between its climate change goals and pressure from the oil industry, as well as Alaska lawmakers. Willow is a particular priority for Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, a moderate Republican who is frequently the most likely senator to break with her party and support Democratic appointees and some policy compromises.

Representative Mary Peltola of Alaska said she was concerned about the impact of climate, while also noting that Alaska relies financially on revenue from taxes on oil and gas.Haiyun Jiang/The New York Times

The politics are complex. Mr. Biden has urged oil companies to increase production amid Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, which continues to threaten energy supplies. At the same time, the administration is overseeing $370 billion in wind, solar, electric vehicle and other clean energy investments to pivot the country away from fossil fuels.

To get those projects built, administration officials have said reforms to federal permitting laws are needed. But that effort has become deeply politicized, and some observers said moderate Republican lawmakers like Ms. Murkowski of Alaska might be able to help break a logjam.

“The Democrats’ Senate majority is still fragile, and they need to keep Lisa Murkowski open to voting with the Democrats on fundamental issues like the debt ceiling and budget and appropriations,” said Wendy Schiller, a political science professor at Brown University.

Climate activists called the environmental analysis a betrayal of President Biden’s campaign pledge to end new federal oil and gas leases. Over its lifetime, the project is expected to emit 278 million metric tons of carbon dioxide, at a time when scientists say the world must slash its carbon pollution dramatically to avoid catastrophe.

“It is incomprehensible how an administration that is as climate-conscious as this one could even be contemplating letting this project move forward,” said Abigail Dillen, the president of Earthjustice, an environmental group.

Time is also running out this year for drilling to start. ConocoPhillips has said it is hoping for a fast decision from the Biden administration that would allow initial construction to begin this winter. If spring sets in and warmer temperatures begin to melt the frozen roads, it could make it more difficult for crews to pass, and construction would have to be shelved for another year.

ConocoPhilips declined to comment on the environmental analysis until it is formally released.

Willow’s supporters, including Alaska’s congressional delegation, labor unions, building trades and some residents of the North Slope, argue that the project would bring much-needed crude oil to a market that is still seeking alternatives to Russian oil while bolstering America’s energy security. They also point out that it would create about 2,500 jobs and generate as much as $17 billion in revenue for the federal government.

Representative Mary Peltola, a Democrat who is the first Alaska Native in Congress, said she cared about the impact of climate change on Alaska, supported renewable energy and wanted to see fossil fuels phased out. But she also noted that 80 percent of Alaska’s revenues come from taxes on oil and gas operations, which is not income the state can afford to lose.

“Every Alaskan, without exception, can see with their own eyes the impacts of global climate change,” Ms. Peltola said in an interview, citing the growing trend of snowless winters. But, she added, “we still have to pay for education and public safety.”

Willow was initially approved by the Trump administration, and the Biden administration defended the approval in court. The project was then temporarily blocked by a judge, who said the prior administration’s environmental analysis was not sufficient and did not fully consider the potential harm to wildlife or the further impact on climate change.

#Environment

[pennylaneforthoughts]

Did I hyperfixate on the Loki soundtrack for the past three hours? Yes. Do I have some Lokius insights? Possibly. Am I going to rant? Also yes.

I preface all of this by saying I am in no way a professional. I simply have ears.

So this guy Christopher Bill on YouTube did a series on the leitmotifs and associated meanings in the Loki soundtrack, and it's very good and on point, and he even does an interview with Natalie Holt on it.

However, he doesn't go over everything, so I'm here to add some thoughts based on the things he identified there in the series.

Important notes for people who don't wanna go and watch all three hours of videos:

1.) Loki's theme is, obviously, the Green Theme as shown in the soundtrack. That melody is specifically his and shows up whenever he's the focus of a scene. Also important: Loki is associated with a grand orchestra, brass and strings.

2.) Mobius' theme does not have a track all to itself, but it is prevalent throughout the series and has two parts: a.) there is one specific instrument associated with him: a delay guitar, and b.) the little melody that goes like this:

The "Lokius" track is very interesting because it doesn't contain these two leitmotifs, which is normally what we expect in a song that is meant to be the combination of two characters. It's especially interesting because Natalie does combine themes like we'd expect in other parts of the score. We hear it twice for Loki and Sylvie's themes, both of which are during their two fight scenes. And we hear it for Loki and Mobius in episode 5 as they and the other Loki variants are staring down Alioth. (14:14 - 14:45). This is, interestingly enough, the "Goodbyes" track.

Now Chris talks about it a little bit and identifies it as the Mobius theme combined with a heroic mode of the Loki theme, but doesn't go into further analysis of it. Personally, within the context of the show, I think that it's extremely interesting that this heroic theme for Loki is so obviously filled with Mobius' theme. It could have been a reprise of the Green Theme, but it isn't. Instead, it's Loki's instruments playing Mobius' theme. In other words, in this scene we see the culmination of Mobius' influence on Loki, to the point that Loki is able to be heroic now because he is now symbolically playing Mobius' theme.

Let that sink in, Lokius nation.

Now before I continue with "Goodbyes" and talk about the music in the hug scene, we gotta go back to "Lokius" in episode 4.

We all know this is the song that plays during the interrogation scene, but I think it's important to note what is playing at what point in that scene.

The first section of the track is full of TVA associated instruments, and this plays when Mobius is clearly upset, but mostly just speaking for the TVA through his job as an analyst, playing the heavy keys and lying to Loki about having pruned Sylvie as Loki lies about not caring about her.

Then at about 0:38 in the track, we get these high sliding, falling notes that are almost choral as we watch Loki process this (false) information that Sylvie is gone. It sounds like grieving, and I'd wager that these notes are Loki's grief for Sylvie sound like. Then at 0:58 to 1:50 or thereabout, a more prominent string line shows up, and I think that's the actual Lokius theme. It's a heavy string melody that goes between minor and major, and with the faster strings beneath it, it feels like yearning, like betrayal, and "god I'm so stupid for liking you all this time how could you do this to me," coming from both of them that plays as Loki looks at Mobius with pain written all over his face and Mobius rants about his reality breaking. Which is interesting, because the only other relationship that gets a whole motif to itself is s*lki, thus placing Lokius in a position that functions arguably as a musical foil to s*lki as much as it is a literary one.

But right after Mobius says "What an incredible seismic narcissist! You fell for yourself!" at 1:50 in the track, the music switches again, this time to the Norwegian fiddle played by Olav Luksengard Mjeklva over Loki's line "Her name was Sylvie." It's the same instrument that's played in "Frigga" and when Loki is mourning Ragnarok in the Archives, but the melody is different, indicating that Loki's feelings about Sylvie are associated with his feelings about Frigga (re: he looks at her like he looks at his mother) and home but aren't exactly the same.

And then it lingers on a high choral note for a second as Loki yells, "Is she alive?!" and Mobius responds, "For now," then cuts out entirely for a while in the scene, only to continue at 2:09 in the track halfway through Loki's desperate attempt to get Mobius to believe him, right when he says "and erased your memories" and goes on about how Mobius might have had a family and a life. And the motif that plays is almost identical to the "Frigga" track there, reinforcing the connection between that motif and the concept of lost family, and by extension, Loki's association of Sylvie with lost family. And it's here that Mobius pauses, looking at Loki and seeing that he's telling the truth because it's the same look he saw on Loki's face when grieving his mother. Though he ignores that insight because of his anger, and as Mobius continues to rant, it holds on the final high, hesitating note that calls back to the prior high notes in the beginning associated with Loki's grief and desperation before the song ends and Loki gets thrown back in the Time Cell.

Like @conniving-craven-pathetic-worm says in this post, however, the Lokius theme gets reprised in "Goodbyes" from 2:50 to 3:03. At first glance it doesn't seem to be the same melody, but it's got the same spacing of notes as the Lokius theme, and musically it resolves happily with swelling strings, which at this point in the show, are instruments we have come to associate with Loki's character.

This brings us back to my earlier discussion of "Goodbyes" and the theory that the whole beginning of the song where Mobius' theme is played on Loki's instruments is meant to represent Loki accepting his new role as hero through Mobius' influence and why I feel that this analysis is accurate.

Normally, when we hear a leitmotif like that, it's paired obviously with the associated character/emotion/thing and we know what it's referring to, like previously where whenever Mobius shows up onscreen, we hear a little twang on the guitar or his full motif. However, in this instance of his theme, what we see on screen is not a focus on Mobius. Rather, it pans over the Lokis looking out over Alioth and then zooms in on each of their faces as this dramatic version of Mobius' theme plays. Musically, this wouldn't make sense unless it was saying that here, each of these Lokis is deciding to take on a heroic role instead of an antagonistic one because of what Mobius has said to them.

It's especially driven home because there is a point in the track where Mobius' theme is played on his guitar as contrast, and that moment is directly associated with Mobius, when he gives Loki that pining look and says "Burn it to the ground!," a scene that is so incredibly for Mobius and about Mobius. And after that is when we get the reprise of the Lokius theme with the adding of the strings associated with Loki.

Mobius is so pivotal to Loki in this scene that it isn't until he physically leaves through the Time Door and is "out of sight out of mind" in a way, that we hear Loki's brass leitmotif (or doom horns as conniving-craven calls them) again.

Tl;dr "Lokius" isn't a mashup of Loki and Mobius' leitmotifs, it's a whole separate theme on its own that parallels the romance motif in the Lamentis nexus event, "Pep Talk," and during the s*lki kiss. However, "Goodbyes" is a mashup of their leitmotifs and as a song, represents how every Loki's positive character development has been because of Mobius, while at the same time reprises the Lokius motif into one more recognizably romantic and sweet.

[werewolf-w1tch]

part 4 of my ROTTMNT x TMA crossover analyses in which i decide which TMA entity a character from ROTTMNT would serve/vibe with! (villain edition 2: electric boogaloo)

parts one two three

we back babey!! it’s been a bit of a week for me hence the delay on this, but i’m ready to get back into the analysis mindset. i’m gonna continue the villain streak from part three cause i didn’t quite get to everyone, so it’s big bad time!

spoilers for tma and rottmnt!

kicking off the post with barry draxum!

i really really like draxum ok. i like everything about him. if donnie weren’t donnie then draxum would probably be my favorite character. he’s so funky. my poor little meow meow.

as i did with splinter, i wanted to split draxum into baron draxum and barry draxum for funsies. i’ll be doing the same with shredder. 

baron draxum is a corruption-aligned eye avatar with a healthy dosing of slaughter and spiral tossed into that rancid smoothie. i chose the spiral for the same reason i gave it to mikey: mystic shit. baron draxum was also a warrior alongside being a scientist and that man has absolutely killed before. he just gives me those vibes. 

barry draxum is a corruption-marked (cause the entities never really leave you) eye avatar with that same spiral but who is also leaning more towards the flesh when he becomes a lunch lady. you could also argue some lonely for him at the beginning of his redemption arc bc he’s living alone with no purpose having had his life force literally ripped out of him. i also get the feeling that, like splinter, he misses his glory days. i doubt he would go back to them bc he cares too much about the boys to want to go back but i can’t imagine he doesn’t have days where he reminisces on himself at his peak, powerful and respected. once he and splinter make up and he starts getting along with the boys, then he manages to break free of the hold the lonely has on him.

big mama!

i am very gay ok. preddy lady manipulate turrtles go brrrr. she is also the villain ever. again, if donnie weren’t donnie then she and draxum would be fighting each other to the death over who my favorite character would be. WAIT WHY ARE ALL MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS THE PURPLE ONES-

big mama is an hunt-aligned web avatar with a side of eye and a dash of the slaughter (it’s a very big dash ok). no one is surprised she’s a web avatar; she’s got the spider motif and she’s very manipulative with eyes and ears everywhere in the hidden city. she’s very intelligent and has a clear eye for talent, always on the hunt for her next champion. she is also so violent and you know what i support women’s wrongs. do you ever wonder if she regretted putting lou jitsu in the battle nexus (not enough to pull him out, but like do you think she ever regretted not saying yes and just having a life with him. anyway)

shredder!

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE WHY DOES HE STAND LIKE THAT HE’S STANDING LIKE HE’S IN YOUR DOORWAY AT TWO IN THE MORNING TO TELL YOU HE THREW UP 

shredder is gonna be split into the shredder at the end of season1/beginning of season2 and then the shredder in the finale. 

end of s1 shredder is an extinction-aligned slaughter avatar with a bit of stuck-on spiral. the spiral comes from his constant blipping in and out of reality as he was teleported around new york. not much to say for him, he’s pretty self-explanatory. this shredder was terrifying because he was powerful (though not quite as powerful as finale shredder) and also because he just attacked everything in sight as brutally as he could. there was no strategy, just murder. 

finale shredder is an eye-marked extinction avatar with that same slaughter in him, just not quite as much as s1/2 shredder. THIS shredder was so much more dangerous because he was now awake and aware and could thus use his abilities and skills to the fullest and by god did he. i don’t have experience with other shredder incarnations but i fucking adored this shredder while he was around. what can i say i’ve got a soft spot for villains. 

the krang!

GOD what to say about the krang. i’m in love with the mech suit of krang prime and as villains themselves the krang were everything i love in antagonists. body horror galore and they were absolutely terrifying. i liked that they felt like their own characters too; they had the same goal and they had their similarities but they still felt like different people yk? it was so funny getting the whiplash i got when i learned what the krang are in 2012 vs here. 10/10 one and done villains. 

the krang are all slaughter-aligned extinction avatars with their own flair. krang prime is eye-aligned since he was obviously the brains of the operation. brownie krang (the little one) is flesh-aligned with all his ooey-gooey drippy disgustingness. murder krang is slaughter-aligned since she came out the door fucking SWINGING. i feel like if she weren’t evil (or if cassandra was) and didn’t hate every living thing she and cassandra would get along well. 

[f1]

F1 grid penalties face rethink over teams strategic power unit changes | 2022 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

The FIA is re-evaluating the grid penalty system which governs power unit use in Formula 1 amid concerns over its effectiveness. Each driver is limited to a maximum of three power units per season. If they exceed that limit, grid position penalties are incurred. However seven drivers have used twice as many power units as the rules envisaged, including both Ferrari drivers. Only five drivers – a quarter of the grid – have used no more than the limit of three. The matter was discussed in a recent meeting of the F1 Commission in which concerns were raised that “the current system is not a strong enough deterrent to teams to make strategic power unit changes and encourages the change of more elements than needed once a driver has accumulated more than a certain level of penalty.” The excess use of power unit parts “ultimately causes higher parts costs and undermines the PU element annual restrictions,” the FIA noted. F1’s power unit penalty rules have been changed several times since the current V6 hybrid turbo engines were introduced in 2014. The FIA is considering further changes. “This will continue to be discussed at the Sporting and Power Unit Advisory Committees for further analysis and refinement,” it noted. Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free The FIA also indicated on Friday it will reconsider its plans to ban tyre blankets from the 2024 season. Maximum tyre blanket temperatures were reduced this year in a first step towards the change but several drivers raised safety concerns over the proposal after testing tyres which were heated to lower temperatures at the United States and Mexican grands prix. “The objective of the FIA and FOM remains to remove tyre blankets for 2024,” said the FIA in a statement following a meeting of the F1 Commission. “However following numerous discussions and driver feedback, the Commission decided to delay any final decisions until July 2023, allowing for additional data gathering and testing feedback to fully inform the conclusions. Other changes discussed by the commission include revisions to the parc ferme rules for sprint race weekends. As the parc ferme restrictions on car changes come into effect a day earlier at sprint rounds they “place additional operational requirements on the FIA due to the significant increase in parc ferme requests between qualifying and the sprint,” it noted. The damage allowance teams receive for sprint races will also be revised and simplified from 2023. Each team will be entitled to claim a fixed amount per sprint event, the number of which will double to six next year. Following criticisms over the complexity of aspects of its regulations and some decisions which were taken during this season, he FIA’s F1 sporting regulations for 2024 will undergo a “comprehensive review”. The FIA will consult teams and Formula One Management on the rules. The governing body will also review its judicial process for 2024. Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2022 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Browse all 2022 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[fa-by]

hi F! Please do an analysis on Lauren’s new song While I’m Alive! She said on her instagram that it was directed to “someone” at first 👀👀

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and for sure. No problem, in fact, I'm sorry for the delay 😅

So. While I'm Alive is part of the Femme it Forward's all-female album called Big Femme Energy, Vol. 1. Laur wrote it long before she was part of this project, and yes, she said she wrote it with a person in mind by turning a vent into art because tired of the way she was/is treated:

This person, in my opinion, is 100% a shark. And this also responds to another ask I've recently received:

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Yep, Laur wrote it for someone among the higher ups and therefore it concerns her career in particular, but she also applies it to other situations in her life in general.

Now let's move on to the interpretation.

Verse 1:

“Don't say I'm too loud when I cry out what I've held inside

I wanna know why they tried to take me and bury me alive”

The music industry is dominated by men. Gender inequality, sexism, and ageism reign supreme. No matter how much harder they have to work in order to succeed, women are anyway either sidelined, or supervised by men. Why? Because there’s a huge disparity between men and women, especially due to the way the public perceives their success and power. For example.

A man is praised for performing on stage with just the guitar. A woman who does the same, however, not only is she criticized for being too lazy and boring for not having made the performance more lively with a choreography, but she’s also criticized for what she was wearing. Same woman who gets criticized when she instead performs with a choreography because she wasn’t good enough. A woman who can’t be a drummer because it’s a thing for men, and if she persists in wanting to play, it’s not because it’s her passion and she’s pursuing her dream, no; it’s because she wants attention 🙄. A woman who can’t have a good idea about a song because, what can she understand about music, right? 😒

Unfortunately, it’s all a double standard. Women work harder than men and they then get questioned whether their success is deserved. One way or another, women are constantly being torn apart. Reason why Laur begins the verse by already letting us understand how put down she is by the sharks, followed by a question that actually doesn’t represent a real request for information, but that implies a predetermined answer.

“'Cause who am I to think that I have a right?

Or decide to know what I need, right?”

She's sarcastic of course. Since they've always told her what to do, how to act, and how to feel, here she's including a couple of examples among the thousand and more things they always have said and say to her. Because who better than her knows what's best for her? The answer is her. Especially when these orders, because they're orders, are imposed on her to make money with her career and not for her sake or because they care about her as a person.

“It's in the way, I talk and I walk away

From what you made me”

By ‘what you made me’, she refers to the way she was before. The person who was forced to accept everything she was told to do and therefore she couldn’t be herself. The person they made her become, and she didn’t like that person. Now she no longer wants to ‘submit herself’ and accept everything just for money and fame as she did in the past because she was legally obliged and not to do so. She did it many times especially when she was still in the group, but unlike in the past, she luckily no longer has the same kind of obligations. So if she doesn’t want to do something now, she simply doesn’t. She says no to what she doesn’t accept and walks away from that (I talk and I walk away) by not caring if she doesn’t have the same success as before because she prefers not to have that kind of success anymore but to remain herself, rather than have it and be just a product (what you made me); a different person from who she really is.

Verse 2:

“And I know this is all too familiar

Feel the motive behind all that fake love”

In Olivia Rodrigo’s voice 🎤: 🎵 Did you get deja vu, Laur? 🎶 No, but all joking aside. By ‘I know this is all too familiar’, she means what she has already experienced in the past and which she has once again found herself in front of. Once out of both Epic/Syco and Maverick, she believed she would’ve be dealing with better people, but it wasn’t like that. She realized that those kinds of people are everywhere because it’s the music industry that’s like that. The problem isn’t the single label or the single management team, it’s the entire industry. The problem isn’t the surrounding, but the people who are in it. Not all of them luckily, but most of them unfortunately.

By ‘Feel the motive behind all that fake love’, on the other hand, she describes precisely that kind of people. The fake ones who first treat you well because they want something from you, and then show themselves for who they really are when they don’t get it and try to hinder you, punish you, destroy you, and ‘bury me alive’ (verse 1) because of it.

So. Although I said it playfully at first, these two sentences go perfectly well together to describe the sense of deja vu that Laur felt.

 

*Small note* In the next three sentences of the verse, I will use these ‘---’ to complete her sentences as if I were Lauren to give you my interpretation. I’ll then continue as I always have. Oh and, she’s talking about her music here.

 

“I can’t take all these unsolicited opinions --- Nope, not anymore. I don't want them. Thanks, but no thanks.

Go ahead and be the scared ones --- with someone else who’s ready to tell you yes to everything and who doesn’t have a vision on how they want their own songs. Someone else who has no problem being a marketable product/puppet.

Either way, I’ll get it done” --- with other producers, songwriters, collaborators, etc., of my choice.

 

“I’ve been told I’m too much

Too proud, too cruel

Too wild, difficult to be around”

Let’s also add too confident, too sincere, and too honest from the people who mocked her at school before she became famous, shall we? Or maybe too fat, too arrogant, too full of herself, too whore, and all the other things said by the haters over the years? 😒😒😒🙄🙄🙄

I was being sarcastic of course, guys. I mean, can our girl ever have a break?

“With too much to say

Never in the right way

So, what’s the right way?”

Rhetorical question here because the right way is exactly the way she is. She has no intention of behaving in the ‘right way’ they want because it would mean not being authentic and automatically it would no longer be the right way because she would be fake.

Chorus:

“If I can’t be me

Who do you want me to be? (Who do you want me to be?)”

I love, love, love, love this. For real. It’s so powerful. And it doesn’t surprise me that this part along with the rest of the chorus is repeated four times, because it’s the most important part and it encloses the whole song perfectly.

“‘Cause if you can’t see beyond your gaze”

Behind their ideas to be the perfect product without looking at the person and their feelings.

“You don’t phase me and I don’t trust you anyway

‘Cause runnin’ through life, I figured out time

Don’t wait for no one”

After all these years and precisely because of what she’s been through, she realized she can’t wait for them to see it the same way she does or for someone to ‘save her’. She prefers to ‘save herself’. Therefore, she will continue to be wary, not to trust, and above all, to remain authentic as she says here:

“So while I’m alive, I’ma just be me (I’ma just be me)

Whoever that ends up being”

And that's it, dear Anon 😉 This song is dedicated to one particular asshole who gave her the idea, but mostly, it's dedicated to all those assholes who tried to tell her what kind of music she should have made, how she should have behaved, and how she should have felt. She decides for her, and she doesn’t care if she doesn’t have the same success anymore. Just like she doesn’t care about all the rest like the expectations and superficial perceptions they have of her that are completely wrong.

I hope you enjoyed it, and I wish both of you Anons and everyone else reading this, a beautiful day ❤🥰🤗