#post therapy thoughts

[actual-changeling]

i fear i am turning into sisyphus.

pushing the same boulder up the same hill with a determination undeserved, a strength hinging on ignorance and whatever is left of hope.

my body is aching, hands blistered and torn, my eyes blinded by dust and the sun i cannot escape. it shines down on me as if to punish me for crimes i never knew i committed, promising me a golden future just to sink beneath the horizon the second i feel its warmth on my skin.

the boulder wears my face, the hill a mountain carved after the lines of a life i wish i could leave behind. i can see the top, see myself, hurry myself, run, push with all my might.

just try

you think i don't? i do not want to, that much is true, yet i do it anyway or i will remain at the bottom of what i could have been, cloaked in other peoples' shadows.

just try

sun brushes the tip of my nose, the slope softening under my feet.

just a few more steps. just keep trying.

i look up at a bare blue sky and wait for hope to burn hotter, for the bolder to stand still and myself to be known.

my mother's face stares back.

i step aside. i watch as it tumbles and falls. i sit.

tomorrow, i tell myself. i will try again tomorrow.

and i will, turning myself into a myth no one will ever speak out loud.

i will.

[cravinganescape]

My therapist: What do you think is stopping you from allowing yourself to process those feelings?

Me: I like how empowered I feel now. I don’t want to go back to feeling like that small, vulnerable, unsafe kid.

My therapist: If you allow yourself to go there, can coming back to who you are now also feel empowering?

WHY, YES, IT CAN. IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL MORE EMPOWERED WHEN I FIND MY WAY BACK DURING SUCH VULNERABLE MOMENTS.

HEALING THE DEEP WOUNDS OF MY SOUL WITH EVERY AFFIRMATION AND OUNCE OF SELF-COMPASSION I CAN GIVE MYSELF DURING THESE MOMENTS IS EMPOWERING.

[needlessvoid]

I named some stuff in therapy that I don't think I've ever named. We talked about how powerful the subconscious is and that protective states can be sneaky. I keep people at a distance in almost all my behaviors. It feels all encompassing at times. But it's how I feel trapped here. It's how I feel like everyone is always just out of reach. It's how I feel that I cannot build a life that I want. I just kept saying "this is hard."

And it is.

But I'm naming it.

[fairydrowning]

in order to live a happy life, you must romanticize everything (and see a good therapist).

[starry-bi-sky]

this just in: danny fenton is just as much of a mask as Brucie Wayne? - another danyal al ghul au

Turns out, being placed in a civilian family who have no knowledge of your background is actually detrimental to the health and development of a child assassin due to lack of proper support! Surrounded by strangers in a foreign city, Danyal Al Ghul does as assassins do best. He hides. Espionage is one of many teachings one learns in the League, and it only takes half a day for Danyal to construct a new persona to hide behind: Daniel Fenton.

By the time dinner rolls around, Danyal al Ghul is safely and securely tucked behind the face of Danny Fenton; brand new adoptive child of the Fenton family who came from overseas. A shy, quiet little boy with a thick accent and curly hair, with brown skin and blue eyes, and an avid interest in the stars. The best fictions are always cobbled together in a little bit of truth, it's some of the only truth he ever lets through. He apologizes in a meek voice for his behavior early, he didn't mean to be rude, and he watches the three of them eat it up with coos.

Lies roll like silk against his lips, he struggles to meet their eyes and offers them his weakest, shyest smile. It's too easy. It's easy to go from there.

Danny Fenton, adoptive son, shy and awkward and unconfident but friendly. Who struggles in his classes and isn't the brightest, but tries his hardest. He makes bad jokes and has a quick tongue and a sarcastic mouth. He wants to be an astronaut. He's got the best aim in school, and is a terrifying dodgeball player. He's one of the least athletic kids in his grade.

It's like playing two truths and a lie, but there's only one truth, and the rest are lies. It's easy to pretend when he knows it's insincere.

Danyal Al Ghul, grandson to the Demon Head. Deadly, trained assassin. Has spilled blood, has had blood spilt from. Environmentalist, animal activist. He loves the stars. He owns a calligraphy set. A sharp tongue, an even sharper blade. He's clever, quick-witted, he would be top of his grade if he tried harder. He purposely doesn't.

He misses his family. He misses his mother, and he misses his brother. Mother visits a few times a year, so few times that he can count it on both hands. He cherishes every visit, as brief as they are. It helps remind him who he is.

Sam and Tucker are Danny's best friends. They've never met Danyal, but Danyal's met them.

It becomes routine to become Danny Fenton. As familiar and as easy as pulling on a shirt in the morning. Danyal wakes up and is always first to the bathroom in the mornings; stares at himself in the mirror until he can finally see Danny staring back at him. At night, he locks his door and sheds the mask.

Dying throws a wrench in his mask; splits a crack straight through the porcelain. He's able to smooth it over with sandpaper and liquid gold, but it's a little hard keeping his ghost form under wraps. It instinctively wants to shift to show his true self. Danyal can't have that, he's spent four years as Danny Fenton, he'll spend another four as him as well. Even if the feeling of the hazmat suit in his ghost form feels restrictive, like a too-small shirt suctioned to his skin that needs to be peeled off.

He'll live. Er-- well, you know what he means. It's frustrating however, trying to keep his Danny Fenton mask up even as Phantom - fighting in the air is something he needs to get used to, and the sudden propping of powers throws him off. But he is nothing if not adaptive, and he hates that he needs to slow his own skills down in order to keep pretenses up in front of Sam and Tucker.

The first time Danyal summons a sword when he's alone, is one of the few times Danyal gets to grin instead of Danny. He's fighting Skulker, and from an invisible hilt he draws a katana from thin air. It startles them both. Skulker takes a step back at the smile that spreads across his face.

They're both silent as Danyal examines his new sword.

"Do you know what people like me do to people like you, poacher?" Danyal finally asks him, the accent he began to hide a few months in slipping through. He drops all pretense, dragging the flat end of the blade slow and appreciatively against his palm. It's a good make, and when he cuts it through the air, it slices through like butter. He looks up at Skulker with a smile; "are you ready to find out?"

When Sam and Tucker ask about why Skulker seems so skittish around Danny now, Danny shrugs at them and says with a playful smile; "I don't know, I guess I kicked his butt too hard after our last fight." and he watches as Sam rolls her eyes exasperatedly, and Tucker snickers with his own joke.

By the time he reunites with Damian before their 15th birthday, Danyal is buried beneath so many layers of Danny Fenton that his brother will need a shovel to dig him out. He's not sure what he'll find.

[lizziesangelgirlblog]

siblings in marvel

[hisenemy]

I wanted to study others and behaviours. Now I see through everyone and everything.

Studying human nature and norms so masking isn’t as hard. (It is).

[gigireece16]

i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️i will get published 🕯️ i will get published 🕯️

[xiewho]

could i get a fabian pretty pls… possessed would be cool but anything with him is fine

based on that one fake bad kids twt thread that i Cannot find for the life of me

[ciearcab]

saw the bookclub’s reached vol 10 so i’m joining in on the sorrows :,)

[modgirlyreposts-revamped]

im sorry what

[cravinganescape]

Intellectualizing the emotions and trauma is easy. It's allowing myself to actually go through the motions of FEELING and MOURNING that kills meeeee (so that a new me may be reborn 🙄)

[paintedcrows]

Say hello to my horrible little triangle! He is the reason I haven't had time to draw for like a week 💙

...He watches me while I sleep now! :)

[beneathsilverstars]

isafrin meet cute where they're both standing outside a bar and siffrin is smoking and isabeau is kinda staring at him because he's beautiful, and siffrin is like "... did you want a smoke?" and isabeau panics and says yes because he's so normal and that's definitely why he was staring, so siffrin passes over their cigarette and isabeau takes one hit and starts coughing his lungs out and siffrin laughs at him

[lizziesangelgirlblog]

DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE 2024

[fauxunraveling]