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intrulogical · 11 months ago

Text

🍊: The Semantics of The Orange Side

Explaining his function, understanding his role in the narrative, and debunking/dissecting common notions about the Orange Side.

To be honest, this essay was inevitable. I've had thoughts about Orange brewing since 2020, but only recently has it developed into something more concrete. For the longest time, most meta surrounding Orange began with theories about his role as a side, then extended towards narrative and side mechanics later on. I, for one, have been a victim of this pattern.

Then, I realized that asking who Orange is is a terrible opener for theories.

There are many important questions glossed over if we start that way. For example, what is Orange's role in the overarching theme of combating black-and-white thinking? What does it mean for Orange to be a side? Who is he in the context of the Dark Sides? There are many crucial things to consider when it comes to predicting who Orange is, and I feel like concrete theories can only be made if we can establish the semantics of how Orange works.

This essay definitely won't be perfect— this is literally my second draft— but I will try my best making it in a way that flows, somehow. Some sections will discuss general ideas I have, some will try to dissec popular preconceived notions to reorient our logic surrounding Orange. As always, I'm open to discussion! My words aren't gospel.

Important notes: All mentions of Thomas refer to him as a character. Moreover, I acknowledge that Remus is a flawed depiction of intrusive thoughts. Technically, he acts more of a mix of intrusive thoughts, forbidden creativity, and impulsive thoughts. Because of this, when I talk about Remus in the context of his role, please be assured that I am talking about all his functions at once, not just intrusive thoughts.

(Full essay under the cut! I worked hard on this, so I'd definitely appreciate the read. <3)

i. Orange as a Dark Side

The ways fans have characterized and defined Orange has always seemed to be rooted in their perception of what being a “Dark” Side is. That is— they are edgy, and somewhat suppressed. They are more “morally questionable” compared to the rest. More fics would even go as far as depicting Orange as morally black, in that he has no role in the narrative other than being a stirring force of conflict; a villain that needs to be defeated.

It is unfortunate to see such a surface level perspective on who the “Dark” Sides are and what they mean as an oppositional force to the “Light” Sides.

My stance on the “Dark” and “Light” sides has always been the same (if you read my past essays, you'll know). Like what Logan said in CLBG, the labels are arbitrary because no side can be argued to be “good” or “bad”. Although, it would be a complete lie for me to say there's no distinction. Rather, Thomas’ black-and-white thinking literally created one. But the distinction does not lie within the sides’ morals, rather it lies in how big their influence is on Thomas. Because the “Light” Sides are welcomed, Thomas will entertain their contributions more than the sides Thomas considers as “bad” or “taboo”.

In my opinion, Orange being morally black makes no sense in a series that is a.) thematically focused on dismantling black-and-white thinking, and b.) a man vs. self conflict. The villain is the problem of Thomas not being able to cope with his mental struggles properly. It would be odd to blame a portion of his brain as the evil of all evils. Although, I'd like to clarify that while Orange most likely wouldn't be morally black, it wouldn't be a surprise to me if he is just as dubious and mischievous as the other “Dark” Sides. After all, if they are the most suppressed sides, they would have to stick to unconventional tactics (aka looking scary) to get Thomas’ attention.

I'll explain more later when I get into what I think Orange actually does as a side. For now, I want to focus on Orange in the context of the “Dark” Sides, because I genuinely think it's an overlooked idea! While nothing is explicitly confirmed, the “Dark” Sides are implied to know something the other characters and we, the audience, don't know about.

Janus and Remus share this sense of meticulousness. They always feel like they're scheming something. Janus, for example, took his time from CLBG to SVS.R to successfully impart to Thomas that acting out of self-interest isn't the worst thing in the world, especially if your mental health is crumbling. Remus is even in on this plan, although his motivations for assisting Janus aren’t actually explicitly expressed yet. Even if Remus wanted to challenge Logan's self-restraint in WTIT to prove how much it was harming Thomas’ long-term mental health, we still don't know if Remus is doing it out of care for Thomas, or just… ‘cus. Either way, it's important to know that whatever Remus is doing seems to point to the same direction Janus is going, which is to break Thomas’ black-and-white thinking.

Assuming Orange is another “Dark” Side, it feels crucial to understand who Orange is in the context of this undisclosed plan. More than anything, because the “Dark” Sides want to be heard, it would make sense if they unionize to achieve that goal together. If they dismantle Thomas’ horrid perception of them, then all three of them would benefit. Thus, it would make no sense for Orange, if he were not morally black, to act solely out of individual interest. Yes, the “Dark” Sides seem to be introducing themselves one by one, but I feel like that's because a.) narratively, it's to pace, b.) it would scare Thomas for three strangers to pop up to him only for them to be shunned as a collective by the “Light” Sides, and c.) Janus and Remus seem to be performing specific roles in this overarching plan, so while they work separately, it's mostly for the same cause.

So, what does that mean, exactly? Like I said, the “Dark” Sides have an overall goal of being heard, strengthening Thomas’ mental wellbeing, and breaking his black-and-white thinking. If my theory is correct in assuming each “Dark” Side has a specific role for this plan, then pinpointing Janus and Remus’ roles may help us factor out Orange's role.

Here's what I deduced: Janus is there as some kind of soft launch, to set the principle. Janus mirrors Patton in that sense, although in the opposite direction. He breaks apart Thomas’ preconceived notions of the world and bandages it with better, more nuanced foundations. On the other hand, Remus somewhat acts like an alarm clock. While not all his contributions are worthwhile, his mere presence is a reminder that something has to be done. In the series, it's to cater to his deteriorating mental health. He checks if the principles Janus provides aren't being followed, and makes a good fucking clamor about it if it doesn't.

Orange, I'd argue, serves as a means for Thomas to externalize these principles. It would make sense that the last thing Thomas would need to do is to put everything into action. Janus points out how one can be disenfranchised, Remus points out when he is being disenfranchised, and Orange ensures Thomas can express his discomfort when he is disenfranchised. Makes sense, right?

Speaking of externalization.

ii. Personal and Narrative Purpose

If you’re a fan that pre-dates the release of WTIT, you're well-acquainted with the idea that Orange represents Rage or Wrath. This theory came about in cahoots with an old notion that each “Dark” Side needs to have a “Light” Side counterpart, especially if you share complementary colors. Thus, many people assumed that Orange is Logan’s foil. Consequently, most interpretations of Orange depict him as emotion-centric, specifically Rage, as that’s what most people assume is an oppositional force against logic. Moreover, because a portion of Logan’s arc revolves around accepting one’s emotions, it would make sense if Orange, as an emotion-centric side, would be part of that. We’ve gotten two hints from the series itself that confirms this: 1.) a fight sequence in SVS.R showing “Blinding Rage” as one of Thomas’ attacking options, and 2.) the infamous orange eyes in WTIT that appeared when both Thomas and Logan felt angry simultaneously.

What’s funny is, if you really think about it, we literally only have two pieces of evidence that point to this widely accepted fan theory. Although, unlike the previous section, I’m more inclined to actually believe these theories because it… does make sense! Especially narrative-wise. At the moment, miscommunication amongst the sides are at an all-time high. This is mostly because each side refuses to express their thoughts, especially since they’re at the midst of a complete paradigm shift in terms of morality and principles. Everything’s just a little too fragile, and it does not help that Thomas’ mental health is also at the brink. After SVS.R, the sides have acknowledged Thomas is on edge, but they’re still doing nothing concrete to actually fix it.

WTIT is my favorite episode of the series because it encapsulates the entire conflict so well. While Logan isn’t perfect, much of the useful suggestions he provided since DWIT never last past the moment he suggested them. Did Thomas ever see a therapist? Not really. Did Thomas find someone to talk about his issues with? Doesn't seem like it. Is Thomas taking his time with his mental health recovery? Nope. More than anything, the “Light” Sides and Thomas are very reactionary towards their problems. It’s even worse when you consider that Thomas is opting to pursue a relationship in the middle of this mess. WTIT showing us Thomas getting irrationally angry at Nico for not replying to his texts is… an interesting Chekhov’s Gun for future episodes, lemme tell you that.

Now, why am I relaying all this? It’s mostly to prove that something, or someone, needs to snap. There are grievances between the sides and Thomas that they are consciously suppressing that need out. Roman, Logan, and Thomas, specifically, need some sort of outlet for their frustrations— a way to justify them, in a sense. Logan’s eyes glowing orange while he snapped at Remus speaks so loudly of what Orange may offer. Externalization, justice, “cathartic release,” as my friend Orb (@orbmanson7) put it. Presently, Orange as an externalizing force is needed so they can actually do something about this damn issue!

And if not, I also see Orange’s role similarly to Remus’. As I’ve explained earlier, Remus’ presence acts as an alarm clock for Thomas to be aware of his deteriorating mental health. If Orange isn’t there to assist in an all-encompassing externalization of a side or Thomas’ deepest grievances, the mere presence of Orange as an emotional force can act as another kind of alarm clock. What I mean is, if we’re feeling mentally low, for example, we don’t need to express our grievances in the most eloquent way possible. Sometimes we just need to get angry. To cry, to shout nonsense. And that alone would be enough to prove that we need help. We need to do something about this.

To summarize, I think most depictions connecting Orange to emotional externalization are not off. There’s a lot of objectivity surrounding it, both when it comes to the narrative and his semantics as a side. We need a driving force that can topple the sides and Thomas over the edge to fully process the depth of Thomas’ mental health issues.

But, how does he, a supposedly, emotion-centric side, differ from Patton?

iii. Orange’s True Identity

Now that we laid our foundations, I think it would be a good time to entertain the question of: well, who is Orange?

Truth is, I have my own guess on what I believe Orange to be, but I cannot say my opinion is conclusive. My theories on Orange literally change every two months. So what I'll do, I suppose, is first, explain what makes a side a side. Then, I'll explain my own current predictions about Orange. Lastly, I'll list some popular fan theories I've heard about Orange and give you my thoughts.

a. What is a Side?

First— what constitutes a side? To me, there is no real basis in the conception of a side. Like what my friend Orb once explained to me, the interactions between sides are mental processes personified. This doesn't mean we should simply view the sides as metaphors, by the way. They're a hundred percent characters in their own right. But what I mean by “process personified” is that if we view one of Thomas' conflicts on its own— as in, without the sides— can we imagine the mental processes he's undergoing? To make it clearer, let's use an example. In WTIT, we see Remus and Logan battle out on who gets to influence Thomas more. If we saw this without the sides, we can think of it like— imagine you're having a bad mental health day. You wanted to do a list of chores but your mind is in the gutters right now. You feel guilty because of your demotivation. You try doing what you planned, but you still suck at it, and now you're spiraling, thinking about every insecurity you have, but you're also trying to combat that by rationalizing it.

I'm not gonna say that this definition solves who Orange truly is, but it does help when it comes to understanding how the sides work. Another characteristic of a side would be their multifacetedness. No side embodies one thing alone. They can have roles that are adjacent to each other, but not the same thing. For example, Roman embodies both the ego and creativity. Not the same thing, but it works in tandem in Thomas’ context. Same goes for Remus with intrusive thoughts and dark creativity. It is important to entertain the idea that Orange can encompass more than one role.

The last thing to consider would be the technical difference between a “Light” Side and a “Dark” Side. The division was created for Thomas to compartmentalize and suppress sides of himself that his Catholic upbringing taught him to believe is bad. If we assume Orange is a “Dark” Side, he must be embodying something typically thought of as taboo.

b. Who is Orange?

This brings us to our earlier question of, how does Patton differ from Orange if they both embody emotions? In DWIT, Logan confirms Remus was born from the categorization of certain thoughts as good or bad. I think it wouldn't be farfetched to suggest the same happened to Orange if he did embody emotions at a certain capacity. One of the biggest arguments I hear against this suggestion would be, if Patton already represents Thomas’ emotions, why do we need another side who does? The answer, again, lies in the themes of black-and-white thinking and compartmentalization. If Remus embodies the thought of committing a “sin”, Orange could possibly embody the actual emotions of wanting to do so. Anger is merely one possibility in Orange's roster of emotions. There are other emotions as well deemed “sinful” by Catholicism— pride, jealousy, hatred, greed, grief, etc. It would make sense that Patton would try omitting these out of himself when he was younger because he viewed them lowly.

So, what is my actual guess on who Orange is meant to embody? Well, I mean, I think my stance is pretty clear from the past 2500 words written literally before this. Simply put, if Remus is meant to embody forbidden thoughts, then Orange embodies forbidden emotions. Anger is merely one of many. He aids both Thomas and the other sides in externalizing strong emotions that seep past their efforts of suppression.

This is, of course, under the assumption that Orange is his own separate entity. I'm more inclined to believe this because Virgil confirms in CLBG that Janus has “Dark” Side friends (as in, plural). It also just feels more balanced this way if we consider the forbidden thoughts vis-a-vis forbidden emotions parallel to be true.

c. How could Logan be Orange?

But, of course, I've also considered the possibility of Logan being Orange. It's not my theory of choice but as someone who was balls deep in this theory a few months ago, there's definitely some merit to it. Here's the link to the post if you want to read my theory in full. It's pretty lengthy, but to summarize: This theory operates under the assumption that Thomas’ suppression of certain sides (ie. making them a “Dark” Side) makes them develop an additional role— the role Thomas perceives them as.

To explain better, let's use Remus as an example. Logan explained that, originally, Remus separated from Roman as Dark Creativity. Because Thomas refuses to entertain any creative thought he deemed bad, any suggestion provided by Remus was immediately labeled as intrusive. Thus, he became intrusive thoughts via Thomas’ low perception of him. Same goes for Janus, but to a lesser degree. As a side, he mostly acts out of the interest of Thomas, somewhat like self-preservation. But, because Catholic upbringing teaches that selfishness equates to evil, Thomas perceives Janus’ role of keeping things hidden as deceitful.

Thus, if Logan is Orange, then that means Logan’s role as logic is warping due to Thomas’ low perception of him. It’s no secret that Thomas views Logan as a “strict” side. In this scenario, I wouldn’t exactly say his additional role has something to do with externalization. Moreso, it has to do something with assertion or strict discipline. Think of an authoritative figure, like a teacher. Usually, when an authoritative teacher isn’t being respected in a class, they resort to meaner tactics like passive aggression, manipulation, etc. to impose their power. Logan doesn’t really transform into anything opposite to who he is as Logic. Rather, he has an additional role that coincides with Thomas’ perverted perception of logic. I’m not actually sure what this role is, but if I were to guess, it has something to do with restriction, discipline, or conformity.

Narratively, Logan becoming a “Dark” Side makes sense when you realize that his entire character arc is about him losing his sense of self-assertion. I made an essay last year that explores this if you want something to read later. To explain, WDWGOOBITM establishes how it’s important for Thomas to balance his practicality (needs) and aspirational desires (wants) for him to function as a human being. At the same time, we get LNTAO where Logan realizes that he failed to contribute to the discussion as usefully as the other sides. This creates a scenario where Logan concedes a lot of the decision-making to Patton and Roman’s hands. The result: Logan’s presence is minimized. Even in the episodes where he “saves the day” (DWIT and the Frozen episode), Thomas refused to consider his suggestions until the latter halves of the episodes. WTIT emphasizes this even more when we see Thomas prioritize his date with Nico to keep himself happy instead of focusing on the chores he promised to do. Even if we don’t know if Roman had anything to do with this, it’s obvious Thomas is naturally more inclined to do things Patton and Roman would prefer than something Logan does.

Thus, it makes sense that Logan becomes a “Dark” Side. But, and this is an important but, I don’t really agree with depictions of Logan suspending his role as logic to become a “Dark” Side. Logic is such an integral part of who we are as people, that even if you’re an intuition-focused person, you’d still have logical facilities in your head that connect one thing to another. Basic knowledge and all that. I can only see Logan be a completely new role if someone takes his place as Logic. Personally, I don’t like that idea, but you can make your own takeaways on this.

How “Dark” Sides are conceived would still be a mystery. The closest we’ve gotten to an explanation is Remus’ origin story, where he and Roman originally started as one creativity until they separated. In this sense, becoming a “Dark” Side didn’t really uproot Remus’ original role. He just changed a little. I’d like to assume the same for Logan, because if he is literally born as Thomas�� Logic, then he as a “Dark” Side would still have similar roles, just with minor changes.

d. Other Theories

Now with the main theories out of the way, let me speedrun through other theories I’ve heard and give my thoughts on it:

Procrastination: I feel like this is too surface-level for a side. As in, hHow would Procrastination justify itself to Thomas as a side that wants to help? Yes, Procrastination would be a good foil to Thomas, but Thomas’ inability to work doesn’t stem from Procrastination. It stems from bad solutions to his mental health crisis. Anyway, too cheap.

ADHD: This feels like… it’s prone to problematic territory. For real, ADHD is so multifaceted in itself, and is literally a disability? I think it makes more sense to have ADHD traits sprinkled amongst the sides rather than one character representing it as a whole. To make it its own guy is like suggesting the other six sides are divorced from Thomas’ ADHD characteristics, which feels wrong to me.

Hatred and any other suggestion that relates to “taboo” emotions: See my argument on Orange encapsulating forbidden emotions as a whole instead of Rage/Wrath on its own.

Justice: I actually liked this idea and sort of incorporated it with my idea of Orange as a means of externalization! To enact justice means to externalize your deepest desires— cathartic release.

Regret: See: the last two points, since it’s very similar.

Repression: Your heart’s in the right place, but most theories that subscribe to this literally just describe Janus. Keeping things secret because you think it’s unbeneficial? That’s one of Janus’ roles.

Insecurity: That is literally Remus’ role. While intrusive thoughts shouldn’t be viewed as meritable, intrusive thoughts base itself on a person’s sensitivities and insecurities. I also have an essay detailing how Remus is incredibly perceptive about everyone’s insecurities here.

That's about all the other theories I can recall, but if anyone else has other suggestions, send it to my inbox and I'll give you my thoughts.

Now that we understand Orange's fundamentals and who he is as a side, the question to ask next is what is he capable of as a side?

iv. Powers and Influences

Now we get to the part where I am! The most unsure about! As of the time I'm writing this, I literally just had a conversation with Orb trying to understand how Orange “possesses” Thomas and the sides, and nothing conclusive came out of it. Even if we are shown one instance of how Orange influences the others (ie. Logan's orange eyes), we actually do not know how that works at all.

I suppose we can start by asking ourselves how Orange embodies forbidden emotions. I see his insistence for Thomas to perform a certain emotion similar to how Patton would do it. It's impulsive, reactionary. They undergo a situation, then they make Thomas feel an emotion they deem apt for that situation. The only reason Orange isn't utilized as much as Patton is because, of course, Patton is who Thomas is more familiar with. I'd also like to argue that the emotions Orange would possibly encapsulate aren't ones that are constantly expressed. Most of the time, we are in a state of happiness or contentment, emotions covered by Patton. If not, we experience sadness, another common emotion covered by Patton. I would imagine Orange's roster of emotions are only experienced rarely, or if put in a continuous dire situation. Immense anger, for example, would pop up if you feel continuously disenfranchised by something. See: Thomas’ mental health crisis.

Ergo, Orange allows Thomas to feel “taboo” emotions when the situation calls for it. Pretty straightforward. But we're not done yet, because we have to consider what it means that Orange also assists other sides in externalizing their own emotions. We can't use the same argument we gave to Thomas because the sides… aren't each others’ sides. They're Thomas’. If Orange assists in the externalization of the other sides’ repressed emotions, then it has to work differently.

A widely accepted theory or headcanon I see in the fandom is that Orange “possessed” Logan to make him get angry. Or, Logan made a deal with Orange, and now he has angry spurts he doesn't understand. While I appreciate the efforts to make juicy angst, I'm not fond of the idea that these theories basically imply that Logan's anger in WTIT was not his own. In reality, it was. Logan suppressed his frustrations about everyone ignoring his suggestions, and now he snaps. Making it seem like he can't achieve these emotions on his own volition implies he has no frustrations about his predicament to begin with.

The real question is, then, why did Logan's eyes glow orange if his emotions at that moment were genuine? Well, like other segments of this essay, it's hard for me to say something conclusively. We literally have nothing else to work on, guys, pardon me if I can't be a hundred percent certain on my assertions. But if I were to guess, I'm inclined to believe that Orange cannot make the sides feel emotions that they don't already have. Rather, he's responsible for enhancing it. In Logan's situation, for example, his frustration is completely his own. But when you submit to something like, let's say, blinding rage, sometimes you lose your sense of control and simply act. In this case, Orange possibly assists the flow of emotions the side in question would be experiencing.

I'll admit though, I literally have no clue how Orange does that, how he assists the other sides to feel their repressed emotions better. Again, we are working with practically nothing here. Although, one thing we can entertain is the idea that Orange has something to do with a side's state of being. Just like how Janus causes the sides to cover their mouths when expressing a lie, the sides’ eyes could possibly glow orange just because they're feeling an intense, “taboo” emotion. If you don't want to imagine Orange as its own side, you can also factor in the popular fan theory that Orange is simply a state of being the sides experience, no additional side required. Either way, while we cannot dive deep on the semantics of the glowy eyes thing, we can at least confirm there is a link between a side externalizing repressed or “taboo” emotions and Orange himself.

v. Relationships With The Sides (Especially Logan)

Another thing I wanted to discuss is the relationships Orange shares with the other sides. The most accepted depiction of Orange shows him distanced from the “Dark” Sides, while also having a crude fascination with Logan. We've discussed enough of how I view Orange in the context of the “Dark” Sides, so I'd like to focus more on what it means for Orange to assimilate with the “Light” Sides, especially Logan.

Because Logan's first to be seen with these orange eyes, many are quick to assume this is an isolated case. Fair enough— we don't have other examples to compare this with. At the same time, I think a lot of people aren't considering the idea that, if we go by the assumption that Orange is connected to states of being, then any other side can also experience the orange eyes. I won't even be surprised if it happens to Roman in this coming season finale.

But is the much entertained idea of Logan being specifically targeted by Orange unfounded? I would say no, not necessarily. The “Dark” Sides and Logan have always had an interesting relationship. Logan in particular is shown to be the side most unbothered their presence. Again, he's the side who argued that no side can actually be categorized as “good” or “bad”. He's the most sympathetic to the “Dark” Sides, but also… isn’t.

There's an explainable contradiction here. Even if Logan is nicer to the “Dark” Sides compared to the others, he also has the reputation of being able to easily and successfully shut down their suggestions. He completely opposed Janus’ side in SVS out of Thomas’ interest. He shut down Remus not once, but twice, to protect Thomas. But that's the thing— he does not shut down the “Dark” Sides’ contributions because he disagrees with them. Moreso, he does it because he thinks that's what Thomas’ wants. For example, he admitted in SVS that even if he wanted Thomas to attend the callback, he still preferred if Thomas attended the wedding instead because he thought that was what Thomas would have wanted.

And, well, we saw how Janus responded to Logan's decision— he was confused. It's like he had trust Logan would vouch for his side. Let's remember the main goal of the “Dark” Sides: to be respected, to break Thomas’ black-and-white thinking, and to get him out of his mental slump. This goal can only be achieved if they restore the balance of want and need lost partially due to Logan's diminishing self-assertion. They know Logan can do something if he lets himself loose. That's why Remus and Janus teased him in the Secret Santa gift exchange about wanting to express his frustrations. That's why, after Logan's outburst in WTIT, Remus says, “Gee, Logan, now you're speaking my language.”

They want Logan in on their plan. For that to begin, they need to make Logan in tune with his own emotional wants and needs, to make him more assertive. Thus, Orange would have to step in. There is merit when fans joke about the “Dark” Sides wanting Logan to go apeshit— it's because it's true. It's because it benefits them.

I can only provide things to consider when it comes to the other sides:

With Patton, think of the point I made earlier about Orange being “bad” emotions divorced from Patton, in a similar way Remus and Roman were created. The main difference between them would be that Patton has more faculty over principles, since Janus has that covered for the “Dark” Sides. While Patton, influenced by Catholic morality, thinks emotions and morals are intertwined, it would make sense for the more cynical sides to view them as separate.

Roman, as aforementioned, may also be susceptible to Orange's influence as the other side tends to hide his emotions from the others. With how the narrative is building up, I won't be surprised if Roman's frustrations with the whole debacle about morals heightens in the finale, especially if something Interesting happens between Thomas and Nico. You can't use Nico as a distraction forever, Thomas. Remember Thomas’ anger at Nico not responding to his messages, remember Chekhov's Gun.

Virgil is an interesting case because he would be more familiar with Orange compared to the others. That begs the question of, is he aware of the “Dark” Sides current goals and plans? My idea is, yes, but only to a certain extent. This can go down many paths. There's the possibility that Virgil was the first part of the plan, but accidentally grew closer with the “Light” Sides before he fully completed it. This explains why he hasn't disclosed the plans to the others, especially since it may incriminate him as someone who was part of that plan. There's the possibility that he knows nothing of the plan, but is familiar with the “Dark” Sides’ antics. Thus, he can't do much but stay suspicious of the sides. Either way, we still don't know enough to conclude how much Virgil knows, but I doubt he would get along with Orange.

I pondered about Janus a little because, if Orange is meant to embody externalization in some form, what does that mean for him, the embodiment of self-preservation and secrecy? I don't have the answer, but while we know the “Dark” Sides have to work with each other, we don't actually know how close Janus and Remus genuinely are with Orange. To be fair, Janus and Remus are complete opposites and they get along fine. I'd definitely prefer it if all of the “Dark” Sides were actually close because it creates such a perfect juxtaposition to the “Light” Sides’ crumbling family.

I also thought Orange and Remus would make interesting parallels as two forbidden versions of feeling and thinking respectfully. Like I said earlier, Remus can only suggest, but he never actually embodies the emotions of wanting to do taboo things. Orange, however, could. No other points except for the ones I mentioned about the “Dark” Sides in the previous bullet.

vi. Long-Term Presence

Originally, this essay would end here and already be posted. I even went through at least half of it for beta reading. Then, Orb started a discussion where they asked what I thought Orange's purpose was, especially since most theories (even the one you're reading right now) are more centered on Orange in the context of the current conflict. There was actually a part I wanted to write during the second segment where I disclosed what I thought Orange would contribute in the grander scheme of things, but I omitted it because it felt too out of place.

I replied to Orb what I was going to write; I thought that Orange was going to be the final push for Thomas to go to therapy, and make Thomas stand his ground more instead of asking the sides for advice every time he has an issue. I've always thought this, especially therapy, was one of the ways the series would end as a whole, because it means Thomas would stop talking to his sides. Or at least, in the way we see him do it in the show. That sounds a bit cynical, I know. Why would I suggest that Sanders Sides end by Thomas cutting ties with the sides?

Well, I'm not. Not entirely. I'm not advocating Thomas does. What I mean is, an underlying conflict to the current conflicts we have now is how Thomas internalizes his problems. This is literally how the series functions. Thomas has a problem, then consults himself about it via the sides. Even c!Joan mentions it in CLBG. This issue of the problem aversion Thomas has would be fine in the former parts of the series, as the things he consulted the sides about were small. But as the series progresses, we're facing issues that call for an entire paradigm shift in morality. Of Thomas putting himself and his friends in the infamous Trolley Problem. Of Thomas facing horrible intrusive thoughts he opts to combat alone.

I once called Sanders Sides a psychological horror because we see how a normal dude's mental health crumbles as he deals with life-changing situations alone. To find a solution for this main, underlying conflict means the show has to end— internalization IS the series’ foundation!

And so Orb suggested the most batshit idea— what if Orange was Thomas’ foil? Not in a sense that confirms the Opposite Sides theory. Rather, Orange, if his role is externalization, is literally the antithesis of how the sides work. As Orb put it, Orange is there to “completely wreck the format”, making Thomas realize that consulting the sides for help has its limits. He has to literally go out and touch grass, talk to his friends about his moral dilemmas, consult a damn therapist. That is what I think Orange's true purpose as a side is.

vii. Closing Statements

In the end, I can't say that everything I've stated in this essay is pure fact, but this is the most educated guess I can give considering what we're given and what we can expect to happen in canon. While most theories I've seen easily pinpoint different issues the sides and Thomas are facing in the series, these theories would then guess that Orange would be the cause of these issues. That's where theories like Procrastination, Repression, Regret, etc. come from. More than anything, I want you to see that Orange acts in response to these issues rather than in tandem with it.

The best advice I can give you when theorizing about Orange is: ask yourself what needs to be seen in the series. Remember, Sanders Sides is a narrative. Episodes will continue to happen past Orange's inevitable reveal. Think of Orange in this context, as his own character with motivations and wants for Thomas. Only then you can make educated guesses about him.

Anyway, thank you for reading my incredibly extensive essay on Orange! Again, my words are not gospel, so if you want to discuss anything further, add onto this post or send me an ask! Please read this post though before you send me anything. And If you enjoyed this, PLEASE reblog, I'd definitely appreciate it! If you want to read more stuff from me, here's a carrd masterlist of Sanders Sides meta I've done. Happy reading!

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #orange sanders #orange side #sanders sides meta #logan sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders

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eighth-house-tarot · 9 months ago

Text

How can you help support the world?

🐾🐛🌱🍄🪴 pick a card 🪴🍄🌱🐛🐾

how to pick (link)

pile 1 🐄 | pile 2 👁 | pile 3 ✨

deck used: tarot of the divine

Pile 1 🐄:

reversed 7 pentacles, the chariot, queen of wands 🃏

In the artwork of the rev. 7 of pentacles card, the fire is upside down. I see this as you feeling very frustrated, and your passion inside you having difficultly being expressed or shared. This frustration can be (imo the most likely reason) because you’re working so hard with no or little reward or feedback, working so hard you aren’t allowing yourself to appreciate your efforts, something else is taking your time, or you’re frustrated with yourself for procrastinating. Listen, you’ve got something pure and good inside you - you’re learning how to bring it into life in the most constructive and wholesome way. The process can be frustrating and that’s okay. Exhale. And if you feel sad because you’re so tired and jaded it feels like that fire in you is going out - it’s not, your light is always there.

The art of the Chariot card reminds me of the Lao Tzu quote (note: new translations have come out, and I’m not sure if this is still the wording)

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.

I also think of how all raindrops lead to the ocean. Every little effort you’re doing now naturally leads to the Big Thing you’re working towards or for. Also, I see the salmon as your inner passion’s fire. It “swims” with ease through your new method of effort, and is extremely powerful when you need to call upon it (it can swim and jump upstream after all! to continue the metaphor).

Of course, be aware of “bears” along this river fattening up for winter - share your passion with the necessary people who will earnestly help you / your partners in this action, others only after they’ve shown their actions to be trustworthy, and the public once you’ve made good progress already and your passion has grown so much that there’s a lot of “salmon” in your river! That way, haters, copycats, grifters, and saboteurs can’t effectively touch you or stop you. Protect your idea and energy.

The third card is the Hawaiian goddess Pele or Pelehonuamea representing the Queen of Wands. First off, Blessed Be. 🙏❤️‍🔥🌋

Seeing the goddess of lava and creation of new land, I think of your passion’s fire and the waters of your efforts becoming lava. “Fluid”, molten, “fire” rock! Not only have your efforts and passion become a truly unstoppable force, they are constructive and are creating something real. Something as real and solid and enduring as new land! That’s awesome and amazing! Go you!!

This could be your Big Thing, a new method you’ve created, or a new system. Whatever it is, like land, new growth with come from this. New things and goals will come from This Thing. I think more than you can imagine right now. But please don’t get overwhelmed by that thought, I believe it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. I mean, look how much beauty has come from Pele’s lava. I don’t know if she expected the amazing lush life would grow through her! I believe she followed her natural drive, and the blessings naturally came with it. It also makes me think you should welcome the (legitimately good / effective / constructive) contributions of others.

As you are reaching this point of this card’s meaning, and when you are in it, I believe you should also carry with you the concept of the “orgasmic Yes” from Audre Lorde’s essay “The Uses of the Erotic ~ The Erotic as Power” (to read in full, click this link) - please read or listen to this essay is full. Basically though, what it is that makes you say “Yes!”, fully embodied, completely? No holds barred, totally of You, your desires and true values (not the values forced on you / what you “should” believe)? When you say “Yes!”, does your body feel settled, relaxed, at ease? Always, always follow that.

Last things of note, be mindful not to burn yourself out again, and be mindful of your temper. Let your righteous protective anger destroy or stop what must be destroyed or stopped, but don’t go so far as to hurt what shouldn’t have been hurt. Trust me, people - at this stage - know you can’t be fucked with and that no one can fuck with you. While lava builds, it destroys too. And no one can stop lava - only water can (but fresh lava is still dangerous even in water). Certainly, people can’t stop it, they are at its mercy. Use the waters that brought you here to help cool or redirect your temper when you need to. Also, whatever people are destroying of your “island”, you can stop and build back up.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

Pile 2 👁

reversed 10 of swords, reversed Hanged Man, reversed Fool🃏

The first card is the Inuit goddess Sedna, represented in the reversed 10 of swords. Blessed Be. 🙏🦭🧊

I see that you have experienced a deep horrible betrayal, one so cruel you couldn’t have ever thought this was something someone would ever do to another. In case it needs to be said, it’s okay to have never imagined or thought this cruelty was possible. The fault is solely with the one who harmed you. I believe this person was above you - like a boss, mentor, or a more experienced peer. For many reading this, they saw what you are capable of and their ego felt threatened by the thought of losing their position in the power dynamic. They were never doing their work with sincere humility in the first place. If they weren’t someone above you, they were a peer who saw what you would achieve, and felt threatened that they wouldn’t get it first and be able to hold above others. Even if you weren’t acting fairly, or were immature, what happened to you was entirely out of proportion to a reasonable response. Don’t waste your time attempting to rationalize their actions.

In the artwork of the reversed 10 of swords, the imagery tells a gruesome, cruel story. The stories of the goddess Sedna have many different situations that lead to the choice her father makes of complete brutality and betrayal. In some stories, Sedna frustrates others in ways that could be reasonable to be frustrated with - in many, she frustrates others when she is being her authentic self. No matter the reason her father could give for his actions, she was a victim. It doesn’t matter if she was a perfectly “good” person either. Nothing can justify her father reacting to her asking for help, and clinging to the kayak for dear life, slicing her fingers off. Because this card is reversed, I take this as the aftermath. To generalize the aftermath of Sedna’s story, after sinking to the depths of the sea, she doesn’t die. She becomes the Goddess of the Sea. Her fingers become seals, walruses, whales, and fish. Her love, her goodwill, her spirit never left her — for she releases the animals for the hunters who show her love, respect, and kindness in return (when hunters do not give her this, she doesn’t allow the animals to be found). Even though when she is in pain, she is known to be fearsome — she is known for her benevolence most of all. I share this story of the goddess Sedna because you have been treated so cruelly. She and her story show you your pain is real, what happened was not okay, your kind heart is always with you, loving relationships will come again, and that you have ever right to demand respect and enforce your boundaries. It’s is good to be your powerful self, to say no, to refuse to help people who do things for their own gain alone.

In your aftermath (and how I see the reversed Hanged Man), you’ve taken yourself out of this work or group or field. You do feel good that you are giving yourself time to heal. Take as much time as you need to give yourself peace. This could be months, a year, or years. No matter what, go at your own pace. During this time, seek professional help or a support group. Create your own safe space. There will come a day when your passion, your gusto, will return. As per this deck’s artwork of the Hanged Man, Sleeping Beauty, you may feel like you’ve “woken up”.

In the artwork of the reversed Fool, we see the Little Mermaid. I believe this card and it’s message is connected is connected to Sedna, as her Goddess form resembles a mermaid. Now that you have a network of support, and some healing, you are ready to get back out there, go after what you want. You may still feel raw, tender, and upset at times, and Sedna teaches us that that’s okay. To need the help of others is okay (for example, sometimes Shaman’s go to get to help comb her hair when it gets tangled and comfort her when she needs support). The world is wide and there are good people in it. They have the same love you have, the same passion for the cause you care about. Seek them out as you grow in this area. Sincerity seeks sincerity.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

pile 3 ✨

reversed 9 of swords (Oedipus), 4 of cups (the Nightingale by Hans Christian Anderson) (<- link), and 7 of wands (John Henry, American folk hero) 🃏

You are almost constantly doing 1 of 2 things: doom scrolling, or absorbing yourself into hyper stimulating media (ex: video / mobile games, ASMR videos, constantly listening to something as you watch something as you do something). I get the feeling you are afraid of, or deeply bothered or frustrated, by silence, stillness, and boredom.

Do you feel like it’s your responsibility to constantly see and learn of all of the horrors happening, but then get so overwhelmed by them and your emotions that you dive deep into your comfort areas of the internet, and stay there until you fall asleep? And then doom scroll again because you feel guilty for over indulging in unimportant things - and also you just can’t look away? If yes, relatable tbh lol.

The thing about fear though, is when we let it consume us, it often times becomes true - and if they do become true, even worse, we spent so much time being scared that we never prepared ourselves to be able to handle it!

Do you have a habit of sometimes thinking “it’s just the way it is”, “it’s just the way things are”, “things have always been this way”? Or do others day this to you?

First of all, that’s not true. The only constant is change itself! Secondly, people only say this in defeat of harmful actions. No one, including you, should ever accept abusive actions and circumstances. Thirdly, this way of thinking is taught.

(/g) Does this line of thinking feel true to your heart?

You crave real connection and the real natural world (this might offend you or be too much of a read - but you basically have an unconscious longing to touch grass). You may be ignoring this craving due to the belief you can't have it, because these connections and opportunities either literally are, or simply feel, unavailable to you. But I feel that you have some level of addiction to the over stimulation of any media, being constantly plugged in. If you’re chronically online to not just distract yourself, but because it’s also your job (like you're a twitch streamer making good money), or how you are organizing community, you still feel like there's something missing in your life.

Whatever it means to you, that Real Thing that's been missing, that you long for, will find you. Don't dismiss it as “nothing” when you realize it’s there. It is, or will be, in plain sight - right in front of your nose. You just need to look up, and see the forest for the trees (how does that saying go? lol). You’ll know what it is.

This will be a pivotal moment for you. No matter how this situation applies to you, know that this moment will be so simple or normal, and it's ordinariness will arrest you. It will shock you, in a good way. You'll be eternally grateful for this thing that is so simple, yet existentially amazing.

You will receive that a-ha moment. You will feel so connected to life and existence (even if for a brief moment).

You will also see how this Thing has been commodified by powerful people, instead of freely existing and sharing its gifts among everyone (as it was meant to be). You may have a small desire to commodify this Thing yourself - don’t do that <3

(this is part of my connection I’m making this reading to the Nightingale fairytale)

You’ll bring something into the tech industry that’s missing. With kindness and humility, you'll bring in and encourage people who have the same caring goals as you. You want to show how humanity can come and work together in a dignified and fair and joyous way, and you absolutely can.

I got a strong feeling from the cards that this was about you working on artificial intelligence. Like keeping its use in check, creating laws to keep people who create and program AI - and the people who use it - accountable to their actions. You could be creating and coding AI to be able to do more wholesome / not harmful things. You could be working to emphasis the "human touch”, and making it clear when something is made by humans vs AI (with a higher value ascribed to what was made by humans). Your work will not demonize this new tool / tech itself, but you’ll focus on fighting against what ill-willed people intend to use it with. And you’ll do your best to make sure these ill-willed plans and intentions are known through out the general public. Your focuses will be on solidarity, humanity as a whole community, and our quality of life.

ADVICE

It’s important to stay informed and open to learning, your heart is in the right place. Learning is a constantly moving cycle of receiving information, processing it, resting, reflecting and analyzing, and then asking new questions. Exhale, and know that giving yourself a pause from this subject is actually helping you understand it. Our brains are so amazing!

I think what would help you is giving yourself patience as you transition through each stage of learning. Instead of jumping from info-binging (is that a phrase?) to another activity, you could stop all media for 3-10 seconds, inhale and exhale, and then decide what to do next (and do that each time you do something new). Baby steps will still help you <3

Meet what you fear with love. Love makes us brave, gives us courage, and supports us as we do great things.

And on the subject of great things, I’m going to give advice that I frankly need to hear too. Don’t get caught up in achieving greatness, because that tends to stop you (it’s often rooted in perfectionism). Focus on the actions that serve people who need great help. Focus on developing great relationships with people who need help, or who want to help. The results of your actions and relationships will be what will bring this great, needed change.

When our egos want to be known for achieving greatness, it’s because we need to be seen, validated, remembered, and loved. Know that you exist because you belong, you are loved, you are seen, you are remembered, and there are so many people you haven’t met yet who love you.

And as a final piece of advice, we are strongest when we work together. When you seek to help others, you need to also allow others to help you. A victory is a team effort.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

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rosepetalkitty · 2 months ago

Text

hi hey hello please read this its important info!!

about!!!

what is this? who am i?

hi hi hi!!! finally caved and made an nsfw/kink altblog. no i will not be linking this to my main blog even if u know me there. i doubt im ever gonna post anything thats just outright sexual here bc im acespec and not really into that stuff very much but like kink is such a fun topic so that'll come up a lot. also for the record, this is not a "men dni" page but i am generally sapphic.

call me Rose if you're subby or rosie if you want me to be ^-^ my pronouns are she/her, kit/kitty and ella (es.), i'm an 18y/o trans girl, and i've been diagnosed with adhd, autism and tourettes, among other things.

also, as of october 30th, 2024, i am a voice actress!!! my audios are posted on my reddit page!!! i don't do commissions (yet!) but im happy to take suggestions, so if you have an idea, shoot me an ask!!

and uhhh dunno what else i was gonna say. plspls send me asks i love the attention!!! i'll leave anons on until it becomes a problem~ anyways uh yeah! enjoy!

please read below the break for more information, especially if you plan on interacting with this blog!!

where you can reach me:

here, obviously, though tumblr dms are pretty bad. on the bright side this is like zero effort. you're on tumblr, im on tumblr, yay

simplex! you can click that link to add me, and if you don't have simplex it'll explain to you how to set it up, which is super duper easy. it's really really great privacy wise!! i would very much appreciate it if you send me a tumblr dm telling me your simplex display name so that i know who's who.

discord. my discord tag is the same as my url here. i do prefer simplex over discord though (mostly cuz i don't switch discord accounts on my phone bcuz it's a pain, and also bcuz of the privacy thing)

some links!

you can send me praise here!!!!

i write my stories on this neocities page now!

my cashapp is here!! it's essentially a virtual tip jar and if you appreciate my va work i would really really appreciate a tip, but please don't feel obligated to!

and here are some posts that are significant to me for one reason or another

this blog is a persona, a ranty short essay about identity, emotional freedom, masking and what it really means to know Me

my first real audio post!! oh my goddess this was so exciting!!!

on fear regarding human domestication guide, and on my hope to someday overcome it

regarding my roommate, myrrh

as of writing (2024-11-08), myrrh (murmur unless you have been given permission to use the prior! check baa pinned before interacting with bah!) and i are now comfortable interacting on tumblr. this is awesome because discussing kink as an interest is great and ba's my bestie, but i need to make this incredibly clear:

we are strictly platonic! we are not dating, we are not fwb, we do not do any kinky or sexual stuff together at all and never will. we chat about kink and sometimes make jokes about it at each other's expense, but we are friends who live together, not partners. do not insinuate otherwise, it makes both of us very uncomfortable.

An important note about dominance...

If you're exclusively a dom(me) you can skip this, otherwise I would appreciate it if you could at least skim it.

i do not like the expectation that i will be dominant at any given time, but I do enjoy showing some dominance sometimes, in some situations. I do enjoy being a brat, when I'm not already feeling really subby but want to be put in my place.

Hell, I do enjoy hypnotizing people. A lot, actually. I've been a hypnotist (in both a purely for fun way and occasionally a kink way depending on the person) for a relatively large number of people over the past several years, including in person for a handful of people, though much less so in the past year or so. I even make files now, and it's really really fun.

The problem is, I get burnt out very quickly if I force myself to be dominant when my brain isn't just doing it spontaneously. How do I know? In past relationships my partners saw me as a switch, and expected me to dominate them as much as they dominated me. I really can't do that. My dominance is as much within my control as my hyperfixations — I can make good use of it when it's there, but when it isn't there's nothing I can do to force it without causing myself lots of stress and burnout.

For that reason I'm not willing to be your domme or anyone else's. Instead of seeing me as a switch, please consider me a sub who can be dominant sometimes. I can't do it on demand, and I can't promise that I will be able to do it for any given person at any given time.

some notes for the page!

if ive tagged a post with #pull my trigger! then that means im ok with ppl playing with my brain in the notes!! otherwise, please just message me directly. im always okie with dms.

posts with #mean rosie on them have me teasing/messing with/bullying (in a /lh way) other people~ don't ask me to do this to you unless it's like a reblog responding to me doing that to you or smth. i don't usually enjoy showing dominance like that. sometimes im just the flavor of brat that likes to tease people. other times i do kinda feel a little bit dominant but. meh. even then ill pretty much always slip down into good girl mode on the spot if anyone shows any dominance towards me, usually even more so than i would normally.

posts tagged #angel rosie are ones that make me really happy~

#rosie rambles and #rosie rants go on serious/out of theme posts, with the latter being for emotionally heavy ones

#rosie speaks goes on all my audios~

plspls ask me about my triggers, my kinks, etcetc!!! i love getting told to answer questions >w<

dni list

any adult is free to view my page. minors, please leave. im serious. that said, there are certain things that will get you blocked from interacting with my page, so if your blog falls into any of these categories please kindly just look, don't touch.

agepl@y

terfs, and anyone else who doesn't think trans women are women

s!ssy, crossdressing and detrans themed pages. i have nothing against you for liking that stuff, but it makes me really uncomfortable because of some past experiences. please dni.

blank blogs, no age in bio or pinned, blogs that seem to just be spam reblogging everything, etc. sometimes this is case by case — "18+" is usually not chill, but "20s" or "30s" usually is. if you have nothing at all that's a nope. having a pfp is important, by the way.

blogs that just spam ai generated pictures. im sure youre chill, but ai pictures take the humanity out of your blog and frankly just look bad. posting one here or there on an otherwise human blog is thin ice, but i care a little less when there's other content too, as long as your other content is good.

my kinks, my limits my triggers

obviously im very very into hypnosis, especially intelligence play (aka dumbification), especially especially when there are bimbo themes involved. im also into everything on this list (in no particular order), but its definitely not exhaustive because theres things ive never tried before. please try new things on me!

light/medium bondage

pet play (as a kitty or a bunny, totes open to others but those are ones i luv)

spanking and other light pain, including light scratching/marking

being groped

praise and degradation, especially when its condescending

gentle doms (not that other styles are bad, but gentle+manipulative+condescending+possessive is my favorite)

other people picking my clothes

physical affection (headpats, scritchies, cuddles, kisses)

medical play (very specifically anesthesia, limited interest in other parts of it)

gaslighting

exhibitionism (especially when im being shown off)

behavior modification (especially clicker training!)

edging and denial

i have a voice kink for certain types of voices. generally my favorites are deep femme voices with really soft tones that get sharp to add emphasis to certain words like "drop" or "now". i also sometimes like higher softer masc voices, but deep or rough masc voices make me uncomfortable most of the time. if you want me to give you examples of hypnotists on the internet whose files i like, please send an ask or dm me.

when im in control (especially when it's about my audios!!!), i love being told how i make you feel, what you think of me, etc, so go on, feed my ego ;)

sooo yeah!! next are my soft limits — things i don't necessarily love but can tolerate in an otherwise fun context. please ask before acting on these because i would generally prefer to avoid them.

hypno audios narrated by text to speech — most of them are just grating and i can't relax with them.

"brainwashing" files that are just someone saying the same thing over and over with no induction or deepener or triggers or anything to put me under. i need to be in trance before that stuff does anything.

"hypnosis audios" that have loud music, or where the script is turned into a song. i've heard it done well maybe once or twice, i've heard it done wrong a million times.

hypnosis content as long form videos, especially when i need to read text in the video. my eyes get exhausted from staring at a screen for too long. i really really prefer audio, and text is good too, but videos longer than a couple minutes are rough.

and finally, here are my hard limits. please don't bring these things up. full stop. these are non-negotiable.

everything on my dni list

the drugs haloperidol/haldol, lorazepam/ativan and promethazine/phenergan

heavy pain

blood, knives/sharps, heavy scratching/marking

being asked/"forced" (i can and will block you if you're pushy) to send pictures or videos. audio is a hard maybe and very much depends on dysphoria at that moment and vibes. but yeah pictures and videos are a no-go.

being sent dick pics. please don't. im not into that. other pics are probably fine as long as you're chill.

extended degradation with no praise (i start having genuine self image issues past a certain point - i like being degraded, having my behavior changed, and then being praised as a reinforcement mechanism)

intox play, especially alcohol and weed. it scares me because of some past experiences. this is specifically about being intoxicated in the traditional sense (drunk/high), so like for example being sedated is something im cool with (and actually love the idea of)

feeding kink stuff

and here are some of my hypnotic triggers, in no particular order

"brain goes bye bye" melts my brain and makes it really hard to think

"control goes bye bye" takes control of my brain and my body away so that i just do as im told

"memories go bye bye" makes it really hard to remember anything for a while, which mostly just shuts my brain off. these first three are all from Miss Lilith, i love her files~ <3

"sleep" and "drop" both put me under, to varying degrees of success. might take multiple uses to really take me down deep, and really everything works better with a snap

"good girl" makes me happy and a tiny bit more obedient

"look here", "listen" and "focus" draw in my attention and make it hard to look away from/ignore whatever is being shown/said to me. they also usually make me more suggestible.

"lightning" makes me feel weak and dazed and when im like that "thunder" puts me under and gets me really floaty and fuzzy

"submit and obey" makes me obedient and super duper suggestible

i have a lot more, im just not remembering them all right now. theres probably dozens in my brain from all the files ive conditioned myself with over the years

#rosie rambles #pull my trigger!

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cupidseok · 1 year ago

Text

necklace of stars, waiting for you by the carousel

PAIRING eunseok x reader

SYNOPSIS eunseok remembers all of his past lives. when he finally found his lover, he was unfortunately robbed of their time together. eunseok then continues to live multiple more lives, always in search of his lover, hoping they’ll meet again in another life.

GENRE reincarnation au, soulmate au, angst, fluff

WARNINGS death, a male being reincarnated into a female; do not read if uncomfortable with these topics !

AUTHOR’S NOTE i recently rewatched eunseok’s smrookies vlog where he went to everland and it reminded me of see you in my 19th life, so i decided to write this cause he was just too cute 🫶🏼 it’s also my first time writing something other than an essay for school work, so feedback is greatly appreciated. hope you enjoy this 🧡

WORD COUNT 1.7k

“won’t you ride the carousel with me ?”

“i want to go to the horror maze though.”

eunseok had lived many different lives. one after another. the years and lives he has lived seemed to blur together, until he met you. he had always been content with living alone, in isolation. he knew that all the relationships that he painstakingly built would inevitably disappear, like snowflakes melting on a warm palm. he knew that better than anyone else after the overwhelming heartbreaks he went through in his first few lives, which led him to be unfeeling and indifferent.

eunseok clearly remembers the exact moment in which his whole life started to change – the very moment in which your large doe eyes met his and a “sorry” slipped out of your mouth as you rushed to pick up the books you caused him to drop, a flush evident on your face. it was then that he started to allow himself to feel again, just for you.

“but that’s so scary ! let’s ride the carousel instead, please ? it’s our anniversary after all.”

“i’ll think about it.”

“eunseok !”

eunseok smiled softly at your pleas, wide eyes looking up at him. his heart fluttered with the delicate grace of snowflakes, on the brink of a winter wonderland of happiness.

“i’ll follow you wherever you go.”

he reached into his pocket and pulled out something.

“what’s that ?”

“for you.”

it was a pretty silver necklace with a star charm hanging off it. with both his and your initials engraved on each side of the charm. you turned around and let him clasp the necklace around you. it was so pretty to you.

idle chatter and music from the playlist eunseok made for you filled the confines of the car. your animated gestures when you talk, your sparkling eyes when the streetlights reflect on them, your adorable giggles when he makes a dad joke and your endless fidgeting in anticipation of your anniversary together. you in your slightly oversized pink parka, seated next to him in the warm and cozy car. eunseok feels as if all the empty crevices in his heart were overfilled with you and you alone. perhaps amidst the frost-kissed chapters of his life, there will be enchanting moments waiting to unfold.

a car’s honk.

“eunseok ! careful !”

the roads, slick with a layer of frozen precipitation, caused tires to screech and cars to veer out of control. amongst winter’s serene beauty, an ear-piercing symphony of metal crushing and glass shattering. swirling snowflakes, momentarily suspended in the aftermath.

eunseok regained consciousness to come face to face with his lover, bloodied and bruised. your pink parka stained red.

“no.”

he reached over his cut-up and trembling hand to cradle your head as he desperately searched for any sign of life.

“no please.”

eunseok’s heartbeat echoed painfully in his ears. why ? why in this life ? why is fate so unfair to me ?

“i’ll follow you wherever you go, my love.”

he cradled your unresponsive body close to his as he slowly felt himself losing consciousness.

sirens filled the neighbourhood as onlookers whispered amongst themselves. the stark contrast of the pure white snow against the pool of blood and pile of wreckage painted a macabre image. you and eunseok, close together in winter’s unforgiving embrace.

as the paramedics tried to pull the two limp bodies apart, they found out that they couldn’t as their silver necklaces were entangled together.

my first life without you

fate was unkind to eunseok in this life too. in this life, his name is jack somer, born in australia. because he was born into a poor family, eunseok worked really hard. he worked hard to earn enough to sustain himself and his family, consisting of his mother and brother from this life. he worked hard in hopes of seeing you once again. however, he was largely preoccupied with earning money for his family, so he could not put aside much time to look for you.

on very rare occasions, eunseok would manage to save up enough money to enter the local carnival. he would then spend his day sitting on the bench in front of the carousel, watching as people walked by. watching couples happily chatting with each other while holding each other’s hands. just like what you and him would have done if you both made it to the theme park that day. watching young children run around, causing their parents to freak out over them. just like the family you and he dreamed of having one day. watching people being together. just like you and him once were. but he never found you. or perhaps you were not reincarnated in this lifetime.

my second life without you

in this life, eunseok is well-known by many as marcelle beaumont, a famous french designer who established her career in fashion design through her winter collection. during the winter, you could see many citizens wearing pink parkas from her brand, the most popular item in her collection that was extremely well-received by the public. she wondered why the red parka wasn’t popular.

due to the successful launch of the clothing line, eunseok had plenty of connections to the rich and powerful in society. he utilised those connections to the fullest, but yet he still could not find any trace of you. or perhaps you were not reincarnated in this lifetime.

my fifth life without you

song kang. one of the top south korean actors. popular for his melodramas. you always loved to watch melodramas with him. and he would always pull you into his warm embrace afterwards to comfort you when you were upset about the expected tragic ending of the drama. this was eunseok’s fifth life without you already. and he was feeling increasingly anxious and uneasy without you by his side. it didn’t take much for him to act sad in dramas. after all, all he had to do was recall the accident and tears would start flowing endlessly.

as eunseok faced the large crowd, flash blinding his eyes, all he could do was put up a forced grimace. at every drama screening, his eyes would dart around, a tinge of hope as he scanned across every face in the crowd. as always, the knot in his stomach would tighten with every unmet gaze and he allowed defeat to seep into him once again. he later accepted that he would not find you in this life. or perhaps you were not reincarnated in this lifetime.

my eighth life without you

kazuha nakamoto was his name in this life. eunseok was a famous female japanese musician. he briefly wondered : had he been a famous japanese musician before ? but his memories of his past lives were foggy. it seems like he could not clearly recall anything that happened before he met you.

“memories” is yet another timeless song that eunseok would leave behind in this world. talking about his happy memories with you. in his life with you, you really loved a japanese group called akb48. maybe he could let you listen to “memories” when you both meet again. a song made just for you, eunseok thinks you’d really like that. he did not meet you in this lifetime either. how many years have passed ? he was getting tired. but it’s alright, because he’ll follow you wherever you are.

my tenth life without you

“it’s almost been a thousand years.”

eunseok sat on a bench, facing the front of the carousel. he was dressed to the nines in his sharp and sleek suit tailored just for him, with an expensive silver watch adorning his wrists and a silver star necklace hidden underneath his crisp white blouse. a pink parka laid on his lap, in case he got cold. in this life, he was reborn as song eunseok once again. this time, he is the son of a ceo in south korea.

“where are you ? i’ve been trying to find you yet there’s not a single trace of you for me to follow.”

eunseok continued to sit at the bench for hours, staring at the spinning carousel and trying to block out the laughter from all around him. he felt hollow. the heart-wrenching feeling he had experienced every day since he got separated from you was slowly fading, replaced instead by emptiness. it was as if he returned to his past self, the cold and emotionless person he was before he met you.

soon it was almost 8pm, and eunseok stood up from his seat, ready to leave. he bumped into someone of a rather short stature, carrying a telescope stand that seemed too heavy for them.

“hi sir ! are you leaving already ? there’s a special stargazing event tonight hosted by the celestial horizon society ! i’m part of it. would you like to join us ?”

“no, it’s alright. thank you for the offer,” eunseok muttered an excuse, wanting to get home and rest already. he was exhausted with the paperwork that his father piled on him and his driver was waiting for him.

“but the event is only for today; it would be a shame if you missed it ! stars are really pretty, you know. i can tell you must like them too; you even have a star necklace ! it suits you very well, by the way.”

eunseok hadn’t even noticed that his necklace had accidentally slipped out of his blouse, being too engrossed in his thoughts beforehand. he gently slid his thumb over the necklace, feeling the engravings of your initials.

“okay.”

“great ! i’ll lead you there, sir ! my name is y/n, sorry i forgot to introduce myself,” you tilted your head so that the telescope stand wasn’t hiding your face anymore.

as eunseok’s eyes lay on the sight of your face, the frosty air seemed to tighten around his chest, creating an icy embrace that left him breathless.

“you. i finally found you.”

“sorry sir, have we perhaps met before ?” a confused expression overcoming your soft features.

“no. we have not. but i would like to get to know you. i’m song eunseok, nice to meet you, y/n. before we go stargazing, would you like to ride the carousel with me ?”

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mqsi · 2 years ago

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Hola! Sorry if I bother, I wanted to request something! Could you do a Gavi fluff where Reader is on her period and has some homework to do so she's really stressed and at the same time in pain and he justs steps in to help her a bit, makes her relax and even he tries to help with her homework? (Not me having my period and everything hurting) Please! And thanks!

Hey love, of course you’re not bothering me :) I’m always open for a chat/rant, anything!💓💕💗

I wrote this as soon as I could, I hope you like it. I hope you’re feeling better today, fuck periods😡

——————————————————————————

Writing an essay was dreadful by itself but your body decided that was not enough pain. You were currently uncomfortably sitting in a chair with your legs pressed against your chest. Your laptop was open alongside a milion different tabs and papers sprawled out on your desk in hopes of helping you.

You felt a stabbing pain in your lower stomach every few minutes and with every move of your body you felt your pad move. You cringed at the feeling, but continued typing down the words. Gavi was out training and just came home. He went upstairs and slowly pushed your door ajar.

“Hey baby, what are you doing?” he asked, peeking trough the crack since there was quite a few incidents of him launching in the room while you were studying and earning a scolding. You turned your head in his direction, discomfort obvious on your features.

“Pablo” you whined extending your arms for him to hug you. He walked over, pushing you against his chest.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

“No, I’m not. I have to finish my homework but I got my period. It’s hurts like hell”

Gavi was never sure of what to do when you’re on your period and this situation wasn’t helping him. He kissed your forehead gently.

“Okay, wait here, I’ll try to help” he said before rushing downstairs. He called his sister, asking how to make you more comfortable, and even wrote down some stuff in his notes.

Gavi returned to your room and placed down a cup of tea and some sweets he knew you loved. Then, he brought your fuzzy blanket over, draping it across your lap and practically tying it around the chair.

“My sister told me I should keep your tummy warm, so don’t you dare move. Oh and here’s a pain killer,if you want to take it” he said, placing it down next to your tea.

You smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, I feel better already” you said. Gavi smiled back and then pulled over an armchair that was in the corner of the room.

He sat it down next to you and got comfortable in it.

You let out a confused laugh. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna help you with your work. What are you even doing?” He said, leaning in so he can read what’s on your screen. History essay: world war 2 events. Gavi made a face, letting out a sigh. “How does this even work?”

“Pablo, I appreciate your desire but” you said trying not to burst out laughing. Your mood completely changed with Gavi’s actions, and you were glad he came home ready to help you “but I’m sure you can’t even pronounce half od these words”

“Hey! Is that a thank you?”

You kissed him softly, “Don’t worry about my work, you’ve done enough”

“Okay, I’ll go and prepare you a warm bath so you can jump in after finishing it” he said, getting up. He paused at the door frame, turning to you once again.

“I love you, you know that?”

You looked at him, and felt safe. Everything he did made you feel safe. You basically forgot about the pain, Gavi’s presence making everything better.

“I love you too Pablo”

——————————————————————————

#footballer imagine #gavi blurb #pablo gavi x reader #gavi imagine #gavi x you #gavi x reader #pablo gavi #gavi #pablo gavi imagine #gavi fluff #pablo gavira #gavi fanfic #gavi being a cutie #gavi barca #gavi barcelona

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gamerwoman3d · 1 year ago

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Listen, if Ed Boon asked me to write official tie-in novel filth for Mortal Kombat, I would. I don't care if he sends a studio note that says "If you make Sub-Zero any gayer I'll rip your fucking head off," I'd still work for him. Who needs a head anyways. Love that guy.

Anyways here's a wonderwall of filth.

[🔞🔞🔞Check below the cut🔞🔞🔞]

Explicit, Spicy, Juicy, and definitely🔞🔞🔞past this point

I should mention- You can actually read all of my writings directly on my masterlist without logging in to tumblr.

◜Sub-Zero, Smoke, Liu Kang options - Please Be Bi-Han 🙏◞

Just use any browser app and type in mk1erotica.netlify.app in the browser's address bar to access my masterlist from anywhere on any device.

Yes. Any device. This may even work on an Apple watch, on the Parrity browser. You can probably ask Siri to open a browser and navigate to the masterlist. You can use any browser. You can use Safari, Chrome, Brave, Firefox, Microsoft Edge. It can work on a Roku if you have a web browser like Web Browser X or Xfinity. It will run on ųBrowser or Opera. But I recommend DuckDuckGo!

Multi-Character Choose your own MK1 Adventure

Reptile [Syzoth, MK1 Version]

◜ mk1 men using their powers in the bedroom part 1 of ?◞

Sub-Zero [Bi-han, MK1 version]

Neck tattoo imagines parts 1 2 AND 3

◜ mk1 men using their powers in the bedroom part 2 of ?◞

◜I Need Attention◞

◜mk1 Sub-Zero: sexiest angst trope?◞

Johnny Cage [MK1 Version]

◜ mk1 men kinks & darker motivations part 2 of ?◞

Scorpion [Kuai Liang, MK1 version]

Beta Tester [Can be read as Hanzo if you're imaginative]

Bloody Horny Kuai Liang Scorpion - https://www.tumblr.com/gamerwoman3d/737285442221801472/%F0%9D%9F%B9

BONUS MATERIAL

Skins That Would Be in MK1 If I Had A Voodoo Doll of Ed Boon [Fun, Sexy skins for Kenshi, Scorpion, Kitana, & Sub-Zero]

The Gollum Test [Essay about writing better x readers]

Sub-Zero Long Hair Posts[linked without box because of tumblr post limitations]

Part 2 : Sub-Zero Long Hair Posts[linked without box because of tumblr post limitations]

Other horny drabbles [separate list]

About This Blog [links to post about guidelines reqs etc]

[Need more MK1 smut? Check the pin 📌]

Permissions summary: YOU HAVE MY EXPRESSED PERMISSION TO USE ANY SCREENSHOTS, GIFS, ASSETS OR CONTENT THAT I HAVE MADE OF THE GAME MK1 [MORTAL KOMBAT 1 (2023)]. EVERYONE has my enthusiastic consent. You don't have to make something I *enjoy* with those assets. You're under no obligation to please me with your content, even if it's made with bits of my content. Enjoy yourselves, go wild! Any MK1 screenshots or gifs that I make can be used for your fanworks as long as you have the legal rights to do so. [I'm pretty sure you all have the legal right to make any fanart/icons/reposts/headers/photo edits/collages/parody that you like, but I do not know every single law for every country. You're on your own to research whether you'd get in trouble for SubScorp art in Indonesia or the PRC or Alabama or wherever you are where all the rules get weird. But as long as you're not getting punished for using my MK1 gameplay in your work, go nuts! You have my permission to use the assets I've made from the game.]

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queer-ragnelle · 8 months ago

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tristan/isolde/palomides your MIND

LISTEN I have so many thoughts about them!! It’s an actual tragedy that they’ve never inhabited a movie together. I first noticed them in Le Morte d'Arthur, as I'm sure most people did, as it's more accessible than the Prose Tristan. But I didn't really appreciate them until after I read Between Knights: Triangular Desire and Sir Palomides by Oldga Burakov Mongan. In this essay, Mongan claims:

Very often the bond between the desiring subject [Palomides] and his beloved [Isolde] is peripheral, subordinate in its intensity, to the subject's relationship with his male 'mediator of desire' [Tristan].

This essay breaks down many of the encounters between these three in Le Morte and demonstrates how interconnected they truly are. Speaking for myself, I prefer La Tavola Ritonda instead. I'm not quite done scanning that, but it will be on my blog ASAP.

In the mean time, it has one of my favorite Palomides introductions ever.

There entered on the side of the King of Scozia a knight who bore all black insignia, and who was called Palamidesso the Pagan, a son of King Scalabrino. This Palamidesso carried two swords by his side as a signal that no knight had ever made him bend over the saddlebow.

Duel wielding? Bend over the saddlebow, you say? Interesting. Palomides goes on to win this tournament! After that he follows his lord to another castle where he first sees Isolde, falls in love with her, and begins a hateful staring contest with Tristan (literally). It's here that they battle for the first time...

As Tristano looked over the field, he saw that Sir Palamidesso was leaving, and called out to him, "Hallo, knight, guard yourself against me! I am the knight you met at King Languis' court, and it seems now that I am the worthier of the love of Isotta the Blonde!" Bold Palamidesso, hearing those words, turned his horse's head around and, drawing his sword, gave Tristano such blows on his helmet that he bent him over the saddlebow. But Tristano hit back, and hit Palamidesso so hard on his helmet that he made blood gush out of his mouth and nose, and knocked him off his horse so badly wounded that for a long time he was unconscious. Thus Palamidesso lost the prize, and lost also the right to wear two swords.

Compelling word choice throughout this. Anyway as per usual they continue to squabble until eventually settling their differences and becoming friends (in part thanks to Lancelot who apparently rents out his castle for polyamorous hookups).

"When I was jousting with Sir Lancilotto the other day, he said to me, 'Now, Palamidesso, Gioiosa Guardia is worth more than any other place in the world, for it holds a noble treasure.' Therefore I imagine that this treasure is Sir Tristan and the beautiful Isotta, because those two are the ones who excel all others in the world in beauty, prowess, and courtesy." When he heard these words, Tristano allowed Palamidesso to remount and then let his lance fall, since Palamidesso had broken his. Then he spoke in this way: "Palamidesso, Palamidesso, here is this Tristano you have been searching for. Come and fight me, if you want to. If not, I am willing to stop because of those words you spoke. I am your enemy, but I am ready to make peace with you. Still, if it would please you to fight, I am ready to do battle with you. You may choose whichever pleases and delights you most." Palamidesso replied, "Surely, Tristano, the man who could have you for a friend would be foolish to want you for an enemy, Therefore I ask that there be peace and good friendship between us."

Nobody tell Palomides that Lancelot was almost certainly referring to Guinevere and not Tristan or Isolde. But their truce culminates in everyone joining back up at Cuck Castle Joyous Guard.

The knights then rode in that direction, and when they arrived at the main palace they found the lady, Queen Isotta, all happy and joyous, attended by ladies and maidens. When Tristano told her how he and Palamidesso had made peace, she was very glad of it, and welcomed the knights with much honor. Then the tables were set out, and they all sat down to eat.

Much later, King Arthur hosts a joust in which all participants are to bring a lady. So, now that everyone are friends, Isolde is brought along with a retinue of knights, including Tristan and Palomides. They wear her colors and fight on "her" side against Arthur, Lancelot, and their kinsmen on Guinevere's "side." Polyamory enjoyers, this text is for us. Anyway the only portion of that I'll include is this sweet passage which really illustrates that the friendship in this little group is genuine. They're all affectionate after the truce and everyone is having a great time.

When Isotta had returned to the pavilion, the tables were set out and food was prepared, and when water had been brought out for their hands, they sat down to eat. As they ate, Gariette looked out and saw Palamidesso going by looking for them, and pointed him out to Sir Tristano. Tristano got up and went to meet him, taking him by the hand and leading him into the pavilion, where he disarmed and sat at the table. They all passed that night in great joy.

After this, they all live happily ever after, and nothing bad happens. :'^) I'll have La Tavola Ritonda done soon, and then you all can enjoy it too. I promise it's worth getting used to the Italian names, it's so fun! Thanks for the ask!

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moonstruckdraws · 9 months ago

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✨ARO SPEC AWARENESS WEEK!!✨

THESE PEOPLE EXIST AND ARE BEAUTIFUL & AMAZING! APPRECIATE THEM! RESPECT THEM!

I don't really do the awareness week things cuz I draw during pride month but finding out (learning how to read a bio status that's been in my face every time I open their blog) that @hellishgayliath is aro, I wanted to incorporate them! I know I say I appreciate them a lot but ITS BECAUSE I DO!

This is also a reveal that Luci is aro spec! I am not aromantic myself, but I have done my research into it. However, if I do make any stereotypical or offensive characterizations for Luci, please let me know so I may change that! I find it funny that both Repo & Luci wouldn't know of the labels lgtbqia+ so Luci has no idea what aromantic is lol

Luci spiel incoming

Okok, so I designed Luci in late December. I make characters in my head for fandoms I'm in all the time, but I never draw them out because I never care to. I didn't really consider making a rottmnt oc until Helli dropped their Bao character which is followed when I started making fanart of Helli's sons. I decided, "I have nothing better to do, so why not" and I really like moths, so why not a moth oc?

Seeing Pico & Bao made me really want to put Luci in a relationship, and I had (and still have) a character in mind that I'd pair her with. But the more I drew her and explored her character, I wasn't as sure. Around this time I learned what QPRs (queer platonic relationship) are and the best way I can describe them is that they're like deeper (more-than-platonic-but-not-romantic) soulmates.

This led me into the aro spec rabbit hole (ha, hi Helli) and I learned a lot about aro labels and aromanticism in general, to which some things I didn't know I connected with lol. And I am aware, since it's a spectrum, that some aros are in relationships, single, interested in romance, repulsed, or a mess of all these things.

But I still wasn't sure if I felt putting Luci in some kind of relationship (more towards a QPR) was okay? I haven't said much on Luci's view on relationships and romance, and I'll do that in another post so I'm not writing an essay over here lol. Because I'm aware that some people do go down that route of "Well some aromantics do date, so I can draw this character in a relationship" and no hate though as peeps can do what they want. I just didn't want to do that with Luci.

So really I'm on the fence of the possibility, and if I do, I want to do it in a way that's respectful to aro's with boundaries or dislikes Luci would have if she was in a close relationship. Of course, I could be overthinking this, which is why I shortened this post in the first place lol, but I'm also a paranoid socially anxious person that doesn't want to be offensive especially since my moot is on this spectrum. I will accept any tips or advice if they're offered; I just wanted to yap and blah blah.

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week :]

#aromantic #aro week #helli #luci the moth #please be kind #and respectful

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ashbeanss · 3 months ago

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I’d never heard of precious jewel armor before reading your post talking about c!wilbur songs and now I’m listening to these songs and doing a thousand yard stare into the distance coping with all these emotions, GREAT artist thank you for the inadvertent recommendation!

ofc man! there are a few other dsmp musicians that i always think about: (this will be long check under the cut)

amanda fagan made some of the very first songs for a few characters, most notably her ‘take you down’ for quackity, ‘bittersweet’ for jack manifold, and ‘promises you couldn’t keep’ for niki. i will be very blunt, i do not like how she writes wilbur, and i would not recommend her wilbur songs, but ‘take you down’ is still the best written quackity song out there, and ‘bittersweet’ is incredible. do check out her work.

kanaya is a name most people have heard before but i need you all to listen to a song that is not marionettes or violence because guys. guys my god. yeah ‘i’ll let it burn’ is alright whatever have you heard ‘november 16th’? have you heard ‘us against the world’? please. i love her work. she did a collab with precious jewel amor where she wrote tommy’s song and precious wrote tubbo’s, they’re both great. ‘little hero’ is gorgeous. if i don’t think about ‘no reprise’ it can’t hurt me.

kroh made the ranboo song of all time and i will forever be greatful for that. go listen to ‘typical me’, amazing song, ‘hush’ is cool too. oh yeah kroh also made ‘mr bones’. i guess. but who gives a shit about ‘mr bones’ when ‘typical me’ is so good, you have to believe me. ‘home’ is also really good and way more underrated than ‘typical me’ so you should listen to it as well, more even.

candlebard only made two dream smp songs. and one of them is a dream song. that i haven’t listened to. but i would be fucking wrong if i didn’t tell you about ‘disappear’. oh my god ‘disappear’. i could write essays on this song. i love it so much. it is the c!wilbur song of all time, nothing will ever get him like ‘disappear’. it has everything, seasonal metaphors, an empathetic perspective on wilbur’s fall into destruction, incredible music. that’s all you need to make me happy really. this song has less than 200k views and that’s a crime. go listen to it please.

cjack, like candlebard, only made two dream smp songs, and i have only listened to one of them, but i physically couldn’t not bring up ‘phantom feelings’. it’s so important to me. no ghostbur song is like ‘phantom feelings’ i’m telling you. go listen to it, every other ghostbur song will be ruined for you forever. you will never be able to appreciate ‘blue’ by derivakat again because you will know there is better. and you have heard it.

hatorbee is a musician i’ve literally never seen anybody talk about but i needed to bring them up because they’ve made? so many songs? and to be very frank with you, are they all great? no. like musically some of these songs are not the best, but fuck damnit they should write poetry. also they get these characters more than some songs that sound amazing so. you win some you lose some. ‘one more dance’ was a core part of my dsmp phase and also the only skephalo song i’ve ever heard and the only reason i gave a shit about them. the timing is weird, the vocal performance isn’t perfect and is mixed strangely, but you can feel the passion oozing out of it. they also made the only karlnapity song with precious jewel amor and winks, and it’s kind of incredible? i might cry? also lies in the letters is very good wilbur characterisation. i’m giving it a strong stamp of approval.

bonus: ‘the mad king wilbur’ was deleted in it’s original video form recently but the topic reupload and an animatic still exist. watch one of them, the song is incredible and gorgeous. also not fansongs but cyborg blood’s crimeboys animatics make me very emotional and you should watch them specifically their ‘by your hand’ wilbur animatic.

thanks for reading my essay. have a good day. listen to los campesinos!

#dream smp #dsmp #i feel like i’ve just written an essay #anyways i’m also tagging this #cwilbur #because i give several song shoutouts specifically for him #dsmp wilbur #too #have a good day everyone #if people are seeing this. someone make the cquackity song i want in the world #make the take you down of the las nevadas arc #anon ask

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losfacedevil · 1 year ago

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All My Love // Pt 1

a/n ~ Meet Sam and Lovey, high school sweethearts who have to fight and find their way back to each other. This idea makes me nervous due to the subject matter but has to be one of my most self indulgent ideas in the way of the story line. I hope you all enjoy the roller coaster this is about to become. I have to give the biggest thank you to my absolute best Lovebug, @vanfleeter who always lets me bounce my insane ideas off of her and encourages me in the most wild child ways I love you! Also a huge thank you to @rhythm-of-space & @dannythedog for reading through this for me as outside eyes, you don’t know how much I appreciate it. 🎵Playlist🎵

WARNINGS: SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER, ALCOHOL ABUSE, BAR FIGHTS, HOSPITALIZATION, REHAB, MISSING PERSONS - READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Also if I have missed ANY triggering matter PLEASE LET ME KNOW!! Thank you

The presence of another is most deeply missed when the whereabouts of the person is unknown. When their presence is misplaced amongst the chaos of a blip of time and they slip away, unbeknownst to that of their lover. Where their clouded mind has shifted from that of the protection and well being of another to that of their own. The presence of another is most deeply missed when they slip away into the night without even the softest mutters of a goodbye into the ear of their lover.

Sam had met Lovey in high school and had hit it off with her right from the beginning. Stumbling into her lunch table one afternoon was all it took for her piercing eyes to capture his and intrigue him to find out more of who she was. Though in the same grade, she was a year younger than he. Sam had taken her under his wing and learned to love the girl for who she was, through all of her flaws, and her wild child instincts. He found her endearing, some of her actions and the phrases that came out of her mouth sending him into giggling spirals and he didn’t fully grasp the extent of.

They say that high school sweethearts never make it past graduation, but they were determined to make it as they applied for the same colleges, proof reading each others essays as they submitted application after application. Their wide smiles and shared jittery giggles something the had come to truly love about each other.

But college it seemed, wasn’t in the cards for them as they both received multiple rejection letters. Lovey had found herself to be more defeated than Sam. Never letting on to the fact she would sit, silently crying, in their shared bathroom with the shower running. Or the late nights she sat in bed next to his peacefully sleeping form as she drowned her sorrows in whatever alcohol she could get her hands on without anyone noticing.

Sam though, had taken quick notice. One less wine cooler in the fridge, unexplained broken glass on the sidewalk and just the smallest amount of Jakes whiskey spilled about the bar cart top. He’d sigh quietly as he wiped up the small messes, taking note of the bottle caps she had thought were well hidden in the coffee grounds she disposed of last night.

He had pulled Jake aside, quietly assessing what was happening and making sure it wasn’t Jake making messes in a drunken stupor he didn’t know about. Jakes heart had shattered in his chest at the sight of his brother, his face falling slightly as he began to realize that Lovey might be facing inner demons no one knew about and using alcohol as a coping mechanism.

It wasn’t long before a locking alcohol cabinet replaced the cart Jake loved so much; knowing that if the alcohol remained accessible that she would drink herself into oblivion - or worse. Their worlds rocked the night she found out she no longer had access to her vice. The scream that ripped from her chest waking both boys from their sound slumber.

Sam made his way to the kitchen, the soft sounds of her sobs reaching his ears before he rounded the corner and found her slumped in front of the cabinet like a child who didn’t get their way. A sigh slipped past his lips as he closed the distance between them and he kneeled down to her level. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing soft kisses to her temples as he pushed himself to stand and pulled her up with him.

“It’s for your own good, Lovey, this stuff is gonna kill you.” He murmured against her hair, pressing another kiss to the crown of her head as he began to direct her towards their shared bedroom.

Her tears didn’t cease. She was angry with the world, with Sam and Jake, but she was most angry with herself. The way she was acting over not being able to drink was unlike her, not a way she would have normally reacted under the circumstances. Sam watched her from where he laid, her bottom lip tucked safely between her teeth as tears continued to flow down her cheeks - her sobs having finally ceased and her breathing more regulated.

“I’m sorry, but you’ll thank us in the long run.” Sam mumbled, reaching over to place a reassuring hand against her thigh. Lovey caved finally and with a deep sigh slid down to curl up in Sam’s arms.

Lovey behaved herself to an extent, never asking for a drop of alcohol when the boys were indulging or sneaking any when their backs were turned. But the urges and cravings never waned, almost painful pits forming in her stomach when the days would be hard and she’d need an outlet to turn to. The locked cabinet they had used as a solution to a problem bigger than they had imagined, only worked when she remained in the home.

Lovey would run off after work, shooting Sam text messages with stories of a work dinner or hanging out with coworkers; something she didn’t often do. Sam had given her the benefit of the doubt at first noting her appearance, the way she spoke and the scents that may have permeated off of her. But she began to slip in her ways, the sneaking around beginning to catch up with her as one drink turned to two, and three. Each outing resulting in her limit rising and shots of hard liquor being added to the rotation.

She stumbled home after a long night out, the world spinning on its axis and her stomach contents finding a new home in the rose bush next to the front porch as she fell inside the now opened front door. Sam’s eyes grew wide at the state of his girlfriend, almost fully passed out on the living room floor covered in her own vomit and smelling of a brewery.

Sam’s eyes had found Jakes, the expression on his face displaying both his distaste and disappointment as he bent at the waist and lifted his deadweight girlfriend off of the floor. Jake shook his head as he made his way over to where Sam stood and gently slipped his hands under Loveys arms, supporting her weight as Sam got a better grasp on her and tossed her over his shoulder.

Knowing she had broken their trust had eaten her alive. The disappointed looks and soft, frustrated sighs that would slip passed their lips every time the memory clicked in their head was enough to send her in a spiral. But she tried harder to be better. She began coming straight home after work, making her way past every bar she would frequent with short waves into the door at the bartenders.

The boys knew she had been trying harder, watching on as she picked up random hobbies, journaling, reading, drawing. But they knew she was still sneaking off to get her fix, one night a week coming home a little later than usual. She’d never let on, never tell them that she was popping into a bar on the other side of town where no one knew her, one where she’d never be found.

Sam wanted nothing more than for her to be better, for her to return to the Lovey he had fallen in love with. But he watched on as she slowly turned back into the childish girl who had cried over a locked cabinet. She began coming home more and more drunk, her vice finally getting its arms around her and dragging her under for the third time.

Lovey needed help

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#sam kiskza #sam kiszka fic #sam kiszka fluff #sam Kiszka angst #sam Kiszka x oc #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fan fiction

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