#eunseok angst

[kingsoowolves]

constant | s. es

pairing: Best friend!Eunseok x fem!reader

word count: 9.2k

author's note: This has been sitting in my drafts for a while because I desperately wanna give it a part two, but I don't have the timeeeeeeee :( so if you like this, pretty please tell me and put your foot on my butt so I write it :) Inspired by nothing else but my sick twisted mind full of angst. Hope you enjoy!

contents: Best friends turned to friends with benefits turned to (awkward) best friends again turned to ?????? Angst, semi smut (as in descriptions of first time having sex + heavy make out session with grindind and feeling each other up), and more angst because I'm crazy. Eunseok has a girlfriend on the latter part of this, so there's cheating involved (trigger warning). Reader's father dies when she's very young (more trigger warning). Other riize members + random idols mentioned for worldbuilding. No happy ending (for now).

For as long as you can remember, Song Eunseok has been a constant in your life.

Some of your oldest memories are from when you were around six and, by then, you already spent most of your afternoons on playdates with the boy next door and his mom.

Your mother recounts the day you’ve met when you were both five-year-olds with elaborate detail. After your dad’s sudden death scarred your lives, you moved into a far place where nobody knew you. The day you settled in your new house, your mom took you for a stroll around the neighborhood to get to know the area and you ended up in a playground packed with kids from all ages. 

According to her, you were the one who approached Eunseok. He was a shy boy playing by himself on the sand box with his toy rocket ship when you came over, hair in pigtails with pink ribbons and a gap between your teeth from losing your first baby tooth only a week prior, your face eclipsing the sunlight that hit his forehead. Your mom says that when he looked up, anyone could tell he had just found something brighter than the sun to beam over him.

Or at least that’s what she likes to say to get you both flustered now that you’re young adults.

Nevertheless, since that day you’ve been attached at the hip and it was clear that your bright outspoken personality complemented his quiet observant one. Although the contrast sometimes was a bit too much for people. Sunshine extroverted girl running around with brooding introverted boy? It made no sense for them. When you started getting older and others’ comments and side-eyes got progressively worse, you showed everyone how you could be the cross one if they pushed too far. You spent a lot of time kicking shins and pulling heads full of hair from the boys that bullied Eunseok and the girls who talked bad behind his back just because he was timid. You also talked back to any adult who dared to make a nasty comment about your friendship. By the time you reached middle school, everyone in your little town knew not to mess with you or your friend.

Finally, you were free to play and be with Eunseok to your heart’s content, without having to worry about snide remarks that could upset him. Now you could enjoy your time with your best friend from the whole wide world and not care what people think, because for once they were not announcing it to you. It made the connection between you two much stronger.

You constantly reminisce of days spent with him, learning everything there was to know about each other.

The first thing you learnt about Eunseok was how much he likes the universe. He told you everything about it — how old it is, what it is made of, what humanity knows and does not know about it. He told you scientific discoveries and theories, recited every galaxy, planet, meteorite he could remember the name of and filled your days with interesting facts and anecdotes about his passion. Every word out of his mouth would make you gawk, both because of how amazing it all sounded and because you couldn’t believe he was able to gather that much information at such a young age.

When you’d talk about your future selves, you always wished to become something plain and silly as any girl would say, like an actress or an idol, but Eunseok dreamed of greater professions. He wanted to be an astronaut, an aerospace engineer, an astrophysicist, a project manager. Sometimes you’d feel small and pathetic from how big his dreams were compared to yours. But it was your own mind’s fault, never Eunseok’s. He never viewed you as any less than him just because you had differing interests and specially never made you feel stupid for being a girl.

Eunseok took interest in your hobbies. He let you play dress up with him, loving the cute Sanrio hair pins you put on his head and complimenting you on your make up skills once you were done and he looked at himself in the mirror. He listened to you talk for hours about your favorite artists and retell him the plot of the latest drama you were watching with your mom. He became a fan of anime because of you and you started binge-watching a bunch together. He listened to your music and even made you a personal playlist of your favorite artists one day. And he was also the one who accompanied you to their concerts, buying you merch and sticking by your side, laughing whilst you screamed your lungs out for the people on stage.

Getting to know Eunseok and spending time with him was the best part of your days and when people finally stopped disturbing you about your friendship, you had more time to spend with each other. Though you were so relieved about it that you didn’t prepare yourself for the next big change — high school. 

Puberty and hormones are a funny thing. One day your best friend is the rejected loner nerd everybody seems to look down on. The next day he’s the cute sexy boy-with-thick-framed-glasses that everyone is looking at.

You and Eunseok were never ready for the kind of attention he started to receive in your second year of high school. His once perpetually empty desk nook was now filled to the brim with chocolates on Valentine’s Day and notes with declaration of love. Girls suffered when they didn’t get a gift back from him on White Day and suddenly, without your consent, everybody appointed you as Eunseok’s personal messenger, handing over confessions' letters for him during lectures or even dropping them inside your locker or backpack when you weren’t looking. You hand delivered every single one of them to him, complaining about it the whole time, just to watch him read the contents of each letter and then rip them apart, throwing them in the nearest trash can. Whenever you stared at the shreds of paper inside the bin for a second too long, Eunseok grabbed your wrist and pulled you along to walk out the school's hallways with him.

You were always wondering if he liked the attention or not, but you never asked him about it and you’re sure he would never admit it even if that was the case.

Another thing that you wondered about was what the fuck all the girls abruptly started seeing in him. Up until then, you were the only one who knew how special Eunseok was. But that was because you saw something in him on that first day at the playground nobody else did and you spent years actually growing together with him. You knew Eunseok was a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy, but that was because he let you in.

The girls who were flocking behind him didn’t know that he preferred a mango Melona over a watermelon one. Or that he always double knotted his shoelaces and insisted on you doing the same every time you tripped over your shoes. Or that whenever you came back home together, he waited for you to get inside your house and lock the door before going to his home right beside it. They didn’t know he used to help your mom whenever your car had a mechanical problem or that he tasted every single one of your failed baking recipes, no matter how bad they were. They didn’t know he cooked whole meals with his mother and took care of their garden with his father. Or that whenever your mother took the night shift at the hospital, he made you a lunchbox for dinner and for breakfast. They didn’t know he always grabbed you a strawberry milk at the school’s canteen when they were close to running out. Or that when your first boyfriend broke up with you barely two weeks after you started dating, he comforted and hugged you for hours while you cried in his arms. Or that when you told him you didn’t know if the few memories you have of your father were real or just fabricated from old pictures, videos and stories your mother tells you, he comforted you by saying that your heart remembers him and that was what mattered. 

They didn’t know he loved dad jokes and would hit you with them at least three times a day, making you roll your eyes and laugh with every new one out of his mouth. They didn’t know his gruff voice turned soft and airy when he sang and that, on starry nights, he laid by your side on your backyard lawn and talked about all the constellations in the night sky over your heads. They didn’t even know how athletic he actually was and about how you both went to Sungchan’s house every Wednesday after class where Eunseok proceeded to kick Sungchan’s ass at basketball while you watched and sipped on your bubble tea.

You knew Eunseok, those girls didn’t.

They only saw a hint of a stubble on his jaw and his shoulders getting broader one day and decided he was finally worth the attention when you knew of this fact since day one.

And the possibility that any of those desperate tramps could ever get to know him like you did made your stomach churn. Eunseok’s response to them just bugged you further. He never responded to any advances, but never outright rejected them either. He seemed apathetic about it, and maybe that should’ve told you something, but you couldn’t figure it out now and much less when you were sixteen.

Fortunately, after a while, those girls stopped humiliating themselves looking for the attention he never gave them and things more or less went back to normal, with them labeling him as a pretentious loser and going back to their stupid lives. And you had him all to yourself again.

The next time your relationship with Eunseok changed only happened in the winter break before your last year of school and it was provoked by you. You still don’t know why you did what you did. Maybe it was the hormones. Maybe it was the small list of guys that had already broken your heart by then. Maybe it was just the fear of going to college as a still inexperienced and never desired eighteen-year-old. Maybe it was because you were afraid of the near future, of a life without Eunseok coming just around the corner.

You knew that once you finished high school, he would probably study in Seoul or maybe even go abroad. The life in your little town would never be enough for him. He was too intelligent and dedicated to his studies to not aim high. And you would just stay behind, because you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving your mom alone in the world and because you were never a good student anyway. The thing with being extroverted is that it can land you many contacts, but they won’t mean a thing if you don’t have the qualifications to back them up. Either way, you were stuck there. Eunseok would fly and you would just watch and cheer for him from afar. So you needed something to hold on to, something to completely mark the memories you had together forever.

All you remember is that you were huddled together inside his room, on your weekly movie night, watching an anime Eunseok loved for the thousandth time and you got distracted by his eyelashes, how they softly pressed the skin under his waterline anytime he blinked, how the blue glow from the TV made they seem a tone lighter and smooth to the touch, and how desperately you needed to feel them with your fingertips. Next, you stared at his eyebrows, thick and designed and really pretty. Really really pretty. Like all of him. Then, while he was laughing about something in the movie, you raised your hand as if to mindlessly touch his brows because it was like they were calling to you, but Eunseok caught your wrist mid-movement, pulling back before you could graze his skin.

He gasped and looked at you with wide eyes and you asked him the most ridiculous question that ever came out of your mouth.

“Seok, will you be my first?” You said.

He didn’t ask what you meant, because he knew exactly what you were talking about. He didn’t ask if you were serious, because he knew you were. He didn’t ask if you were sure, because he also knew you were. Because he knew you. One look at your face and he could see the sincerity dripping from your whole being.

“Yes,” he replied a half second later. And then he pulled you in for a kiss.

You would like to say that you kept your calm through all of it, that you didn’t feel shaken or nauseated with nerves and that you did everything exactly like the magazines guided, like your friends talked about when telling their experiences, like the spicy videos you watched late at night showed, like the romantic movies made it seem. You’d like to say that you kissed Eunseok with certainty, that you took off your clothes sensually and that you grabbed his cock the right way.

But Eunseok’s bedroom would beg to differ. The laptop on his study desk saw how your lips faltered over his skin and overheard your frenzied mind wondering if you were doing everything right. His calendar snickered at you while your t-shirt got stuck on your earring on its way off your body and how you fumbled to free the fabric and almost ripped your ear off. The posters on his walls watched your trembling fingers struggling with the buckle on his belt for thirty seconds until Eunseok took pity on you and unfastened it himself. The clock beside his TV looked at your expectant eyes when he deposited kisses on the valley between your breasts and continued going down, down, down. When his fingers inside you were unexpectedly precise in driving you to your first peak and you asked him if he had done that before, the lamp on his nightstand listened to the sound of your disappointed gasp after he said “Yes”. His sheets felt the nervous tugs of your hand whilst you pumped Eunseok’s dick in an unsteady rhythm and at an awkward angle with your other hand. His bed frame picked up on your hoarse moans once he finally slid into you, sounds that only grew louder and raspier with each drive of his hips forward. His mattress could testify to how slick you got in between your legs and about the mess you left behind. His books eavesdropped on you promising to each other in between whimpers that it was only a one time thing, never to happen again, and that it wouldn’t change your friendship. And once your joint orgasm took over you both, the stars stickers on his ceiling shined bright right at your wrecked and fucked out face.

After, when your head was laying on Eunseok’s chest and he started to snore, you reached out and touched his eyebrows and lashes, brushing against them one by one while an indescribable feeling took over you.

You’d also like to say that you kept your promise or that at least you tried to keep it, but two days later you both found ourselves in the same compromising position — naked and on his bed. By the start of the school year, you were meeting up almost everyday and fucking at least for three days out of the week.

Being with Eunseok like that showed you a whole new side of him. Of course he still took care of you in every way possible, but he stopped being so nice and gentle all the time. There was no space for tenderness when he was too busy fucking you from behind, tweaking your peaked nipples, thrusting his cock into your mouth until you gagged on it, collecting your drool to use as lubricant, curling his fingers deep inside you, telling you how much he loved your cunt and begging you to cum for him. But you preferred it this way. You could take his rough fucking.

What you couldn’t handle were the soft moments in between, when he brushed your sweaty hair back and gazed deeply into your eyes, and when he asked in his softest voice if you were feeling good — if he was the reason you felt so good —, and when he told you how much he liked you and how perfect you were for him, and when he admitted he thought about you two like that for so long, and when he murmured sweet words to you like a prayer, and when he caressed your skin as if you were a goddess and he was your faithful servant.

What you really couldn’t handle was Eunseok’s confession three months later. The look on his face when you replied to his "I love you" with “You deserve someone better than me” will haunt you forever. You had never seen him put on his clothes and storm out of your room so fast before.

After that night, you didn’t hook up again and things turned awkward. But Eunseok was still a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy. All he gave you was three weeks of complete radio silence — no texts, no calls, no extracurricular meetings, not even a glance your way during classes. You even stopped going to and coming back from school together. And then on one sunny Tuesday, when you were on your way home in the afternoon, he trailed behind you and eventually your footsteps fell side by side. Eunseok didn’t say a thing whilst your sneakers pressed against the pavement at the same rhythm. You also didn’t dare to speak a single word, afraid any sound would scare him away.

Once you pulled up in front of your neighboring houses he picked some papers from inside his backpack and handed them to you.

“I took a copy of my notes from Calculus III. For that exam on Friday,” he explained.

You grabbed the sheets of paper and looked at his carefully crafted handwriting photocopied on them, how it was gentle and soft like almost everything he did. You looked up at him and asked, “Why are you giving me this?

He shrugged. “Thought you might need it.”

“Does this mean we are friends again?” You asked, your voice hopeful and unsure.

“You’ll always be my best friend, Y/N,” he said and his words carried a sorrow that pained your heart deeply.

Then he turned, climbed the three steps of his front porch and entered his house. He didn’t wait for you to get inside your home and lock the door like he used to. He just left you there. You felt relieved that he put himself over you at least once. Even if it was also his way of forgiving you.

It took a while for you to feel comfortable with each other again. And even still, it wasn’t the same as before. You had to find a new normal.

The new normal came with not having Eunseok doing so many nice things to you. He didn’t let you get the last pizza slice anymore or save you a seat on school’s assemblies you always got late to. Your once duo movie nights turned into something you’d do with a group of friends, at least one other person to ease the obvious tension still lingering in between you. And that’s when group gatherings, either going out with friends or meeting at someone’s house, became even more common. Because being alone with him in an enclosed space was definitely off limits. You needed to fill all the space in between you with people and things so there wouldn't be any left for thoughts and feelings.

The new normal also included saying goodbye to Eunseok at the end of the year. He ended up enrolled at Pusan National University’s science program and you stayed at your town studying tourism in a local uni. His college was still close to your town, it was only one hour and ten minutes drive from your house to his dorm, maybe one and a half if there was traffic. And he came home every other weekend, where you’d often meet and be your childhood selves together again. Still, not having him part of your everyday life hurt you more than you thought it would.

Then, two months after your second year at college started, he showed up at your house late on a Friday night, all merry and giddy. You immediately knew something was up.

“I have to tell you something,” he said under the light of your entryway while he took off his shoes.

“What is it?” You asked, taking a step back to prepare yourself for the news.

“I have a girlfriend,” he whispered, breaking your heart in a million pieces.

Her name is Sian and she is everything you aren’t — lovable, smart, caring, and with the same interests as Eunseok.

When he brought her home one weekend, she was warm and kind. She talked to you as if you were a close friend and apparently did not care a bit that you, another woman, are Eunseok’s best friend. Also, she makes Eunseok grin like no one else does and you’re grateful for that, because his smiles are hard to come by ever since that night you told him he deserves someone better. Turns out he did find someone better. And you can’t even hate her because she is a truly good person. But you do envy her.

That’s what you’re doing right now, envying Sian. It’s movie night and Eunseok is at your room, the both of you together and alone again after so many years, courtesy of Sungchan, Chaeryeong and Wonbin blowing you off to warm themselves up at a winter break party rather than hide at home under the blankets. It feels both awkward and familiar to be here with him, mostly because Eunseok is supposed to be watching the movie with you. You are supposed to be watching the movie, too, but you’re stuck observing him from the corner of your eye for fifteen minutes while he smiles and types away at his phone, texting his girlfriend. Said girlfriend who is currently traveling around France with her parents and bombing Eunseok’s phone with photos of her smiling prettily under the Eiffel Tower, in front of the Louvre, at Champs-Élysées. You don’t know why she takes so many photos. You don’t know why Eunseok has to react to every single one of them with a heart emoji and tell her how beautiful she looks. But you suppose that when you're pretty and rich and go to expensive places and have a caring boyfriend, that’s what happens. Not that you’d know any of that.

The thing is, envying Sian is not new to you. You’ve become used to it because she has everything whilst you have nothing. Money, beauty, intelligence and love. She has loyal friends and good people by her side. She has a balanced family and absolutely no childhood trauma from what you can tell. She definitely has some procedures on her face and her teeth are so perfect and bright it hurts your eyes. And she has an alive father, one that would for sure make a lovely father-in-law for Eunseok one day. Because she also has Eunseok.

And you like Sian. You really like her. But you can’t stand another minute of Eunseok not paying attention to anything that isn’t her – not paying attention to you.

“Seok, you’re not watching the movie,” you finally say after putting up with his constant texting for the last fifteen minutes.

He looks at you for a beat and puts his phone face down over his stomach, eyes shifting back to the laptop screen glowing in front of you both. “Sorry.”

He stays like that for a while, but then his phone vibrates and its screen glows and he picks it up again, spending another few minutes typing.

You shift uncomfortably on the far corner of your bed, the space between you and Eunseok as wide as the emotional distance you both created. “Eunseok, come on,” you whine, turning to him. “Are you for real right now?”

He doesn’t even glance your way this time, choosing to remain focused on whatever message he’s writing. “Sorry, I’m just texting Sian,” he says, as if you don’t know it already.

You sigh. “I know, but can’t you do it another time?”

“No. We haven’t been able to talk for a few days because of the time zones’ difference. And right now we’re both free and awake,” he explains.

His answer shoots an arrow straight through your chest. “Except you’re not free,” you remind him, your voice getting a tone higher. “You’re busy watching a movie with me!”

“Well, I need a couple minutes to talk with my girlfriend!” He counters.

“It’s been a couple minutes, alright? It’s been a few minutes, actually!”

“Y/N, I really don’t get what the problem is,” he says, finally looking at you again, seeming exasperated.

“The problem is you’re not watching the freaking movie!” You exclaim, feeling annoyed yourself.

He has the audacity to roll his eyes at you and turn back to his phone. “We watched this movie a billion times already.”

“It’s our favorite movie!” You say through gritted teeth, feeling offended.

“And we watched it a billion times before,” he repeats with a condescending tone, like he’s talking to a dumb kid. “My point still stands.”

“Well, if that’s how it’s gonna be,” you start, shutting the laptop down. You crawl down the bed and carry it with you before flicking your light back on, beyond yourself with anger. “Then movie night is over!” You finish, putting the laptop on your desk with a little too much force.

Eunseok rubs at his eyes for a moment, the sudden clarity obviously affecting his vision as much as it’s affecting yours, but you’re too busy being mad to care for it. 

Once he’s done adjusting his eyes, he comes back to the argument. “Oh God, it’s just a movie. You are so dramatic!”

His words only hurt you more. “If I’m so dramatic, why don’t you go back to your home and never look at me again since that’s what you prefer anyway?”

Eunseok stares at you for a second, then blinks. “What?”

“I said if I’m so dramatic—”

“No, no, no,” he interrupts you, flinging himself from the bed and tossing his phone at your nightstand in a single move. “I heard what you said, but what the fuck do you mean about it?”

You cross your arms, still defensive and livid. “Oh, come on, Eunseok! You don’t talk with me anymore. I know nothing about your life except for when you’re speaking about Sian. And that is all you talk about — Sian, Sian, Sian, all the fucking time. You never make time for us. And when by a chance we do have the opportunity to spend some time together, again you’re talking with her? You don’t pay attention to me and you don’t fucking care anymore! So if you don’t want my friendship, just say it and go away! We can be done and over with it!”

“Where did you get the idea that I don’t care about you? If I didn’t care, why would I be here?” He says, tips of his ears and apple of his cheeks getting red.

“But you’re not here!” You yell, slamming your hand on your dresser, a few of your personal items shaking and falling on it. “You haven’t been here for a while now. You’re not present in this friendship anymore. We don’t talk, we don’t go out, we don’t stay in together. We never do anything just the two of us. We’re never alone and never together, not truly. And even when we’re with other people, your mind is also elsewhere all the time. Everything just feels empty and superficial between us.”

Eunseok’s face gets redder with each word you utter and when you’re finished he spats at you, “And whose fault is that, Y/N? Who the fuck ruined everything between us?”

“Oh, so now you’re ready to talk about it?” You question, taking a step in his direction and crossing your arms. “Not gonna act like a coward and pretend nothing happened like usual?”

He also starts to walk towards you. “I’m a coward? You’re the one who walked away from us because you were too afraid of taking a chance!”

“And I regret it everyday!” You exclaim. “I get that I hurt you, Eunseok. I get that, okay? But also, I just miss us!” Your throat tightens and your voice starts to get shaky and heavy, all thanks to your upcoming tears. “I miss you! I miss you so freaking bad!”

It’s then that you start to cry, overcome with guilt and remorse, tears flowing from your eyes and cascading on your flushed face.

Eunseok’s temper tones down at your reaction and he takes a step back to assess your state. When the tears don’t stop after a few seconds, he looks at you with sorrow in his eyes. “Y/N,” he says, voice soft and understanding.

You press the heels of your hands into your eyes and turn away at him, hiding from the pity in his gaze by leaning your head against the wall. Your arm accidentally bumps against the light switch when you do it and the room darkens around you.

It’s quiet for a while. Just the sound of your sobs and hiccups and Eunseok’s ragged breath near the bed. You can hear that he’s trying to calm himself down, taking deep breaths in and out. Then you hear the noise of his sock-covered foot sliding across your floor, informing you he’s taking a hesitant step toward you. After that one, comes a new step. And another. And one more. And after a couple more, you feel his presence a hair’s breadth away from you. It’s warm and inviting and it takes everything in you not to lean back against it.

But you don’t have to, because a moment later he’s closing the distance. His arms cross over the front of your stomach, his chest meets your back and his chin rests on the crown of your head. He’s enveloping you in a hug from behind, over and under you. His scent invades your nostrils – clean softener, cedar wood and a touch of the citrus hand cream you gave him weeks prior. It feels suffocating in the best way possible. You don’t want him to ever let you go.

“Oh, Y/N,” he sighs. “I had no idea you felt like that.” He tightens his arms around you and continues. “I miss you, too. I miss you so much.”

“I didn’t know,” you stutter. “You never told me.”

“Yeah, I guess we’re both losers with a communication problem, right?” He says with a chuckle, his chest trembling against your back. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you sob, shaking your head. “Seok, I’m so sorry. For so many things.”

“Yeah?” He asks, pulling some hair away from the side of your face and snuggling his head on your shoulder. “Can you look at me and say that to my face, though?”

“Seok,” you whine, feeling guilty and vulnerable.

“Please?” He asks in a melodic voice. You can feel his breath right at your pulse and it takes everything in you not to ask him to kiss you. “I need to see your face to know that you really mean it.”

You sigh deeply, still ashamed, but does as he says. You do it slowly though. First you back away from the wall and pull your hands from your eyes, blinking at the shift from a complete blackout to the darkness of your room, still illuminated by the soft light of the hallway infiltrating from your half open door. Then you hastily clean a few tears from your face and brush your hair down, flicking it over your shoulders and trying to look like less of a hot mess. Only then you turn around to Eunseok and he lets his hands drift from the front of your stomach to your waist, still holding you close.

Your eyes dance over his form. Looking at his arms, his chest, his stomach, his shoulders. Everywhere but his face. He just waits while you gather courage, seconds passing through you.

Once you feel ready, you take another deep breath and look up, finally meeting his brown eyes again. They don’t have that anger that was present there a few minutes ago. The grudge they carried for you for years is also not there anymore. It makes you feel like crying again.

“Seok, I’m so sorry,” you hiccup, growing agitated again, new tears welling up your eyes. “I’m so sorry for so many things. For hurting you and for not talking about it and for not apologizing earlier and for not saying how—”

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, pretty girl,” he coos, hands cradling your face to wipe at your tear streaked skin. “I know. I believe you, okay? I really do.”

“I was so dumb, I’m still so dumb. I never told you—”

“Hey, no, don’t talk about my best friend like that, please,” he says, pulling you in so the side of your face is pressed against his chest.

You slide your hands under his arms and around his back, wrapping your arms around him to pull him back against you, resting the side of his face against his chest. “I’m still your best friend?” You ask, voice small and quivering.

He snickers and you feel his nose touching the crown of your head. His chest expands behind your cheek when he takes a whiff of your hair. “Haven’t I told you that already?” He says, each word making his lips move against your scalp. “You’ll always be my best friend, Y/N. Nothing can change that.”

You continue crying, dampening his t-shirt with your tears. “I was so afraid we’d never talk again.”

“I know, sweetheart, but you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here with you now, right?”

“Are you? For real?” You ask, pushing off his chest to glance up at him.

Eunseok’s gaze melts at your insecurity and he lifts a hand to massage behind your head. “I am. For real.”

“You don’t hate me, then?” You ask, just to be sure.

“I could never hate you, Y/N. Where did you get that idea?”

You shrug and look down, biting on your lower lip. “I don’t know.”

But you do know. You thought he hated you because of what you did. And he’d had every right to if that was the case. You’re lucky he’s always been a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy.

He bends a little to catch your gaze, his thumb grazing your chin. “I’m here and I don’t hate you. I’ll be present again in this friendship from now on. Can you also do that?”

You nod quickly. “Yes, I can.”

“Great. Then we’re settled,” he says.

You smile and Eunseok smiles back at you. Then he rests his forehead on yours, sweeping back some strands of your hair and tucking them in behind your ear. You close your eyes and bask in his presence, at the certainty he's here with you now. You still have a lot to talk about, but you can do it calmly and over time. Right now what matters is that you found a middle ground. Everything else can wait a little bit longer.

You stay like that for a while, hugging tightly, feeling each other, growing confident the other won’t slip away. Until something shifts. Eunseok’s hands slide from the back of your head to your neck, his thumbs brushing on your skin. You know it’s an innocent act, that he’s just shifting his position a little. But you can’t contain the involuntary shiver that runs through your spine. You visibly shake in his embrace, opening your eyes with a gasp to find him already gazing deeply at you, his eyes darker than the last time you looked at him.

You flinch back and squeeze your eyes shut. “Sorry, I—”

“Don’t say sorry,” Eunseok commands, his voice lower than you've ever heard before. He rubs his thumbs down your clavicle and your body trembles again. “Don’t you ever say sorry about that.”

You take a shaky breath, the tension filling your nerves, and open your eyes again. He’s still looking at you and his fingers press against your nape to pull your face closer to his, his nose brushing against yours.

“Seok,” you whisper, not knowing if you’re giving him a warning or begging for something more.

He makes an appreciative sound behind his throat and presses his mouth on your skin timidly, his touch barely there. “I missed you saying my name like that so much,” he says, running his lips on your cheek. “It always sounds so airy, like just saying it gets you hot and bothered.”

You gulp down, processing his words. Eunseok just crossed a line saying that to you. And if you reply to him with what you have in mind, you’ll cross another. Then you’ll be playing a dangerous game, toying with the limits of your just recovered friendship and with the relationship he’s in. You’ve been here before and it did not go well for either of you. Chances are it won’t have a better outcome this time.

But it just feels so good… Would it really be so bad to cross just another teeny tiny line?

“You always get me hot and bothered,” you admit, feeling your chest constrict with guilt and desire.

Deep down you know this is wrong, you know Eunseok knows this is wrong. He has a girlfriend. He was talking to her barely ten minutes ago. Your friendship was just secured a few moments ago. You can’t do this. Whatever this is, you can’t go through with it. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be safe. It wouldn’t be wise.

The tension stretches whilst Eunseok doesn’t respond to you immediately. He remains silent for a beat, and then another one, and you’re about to retract your words, when he chuckles, blowing air on your face.

“I know, baby,” he says, the pet name and the way he says it going straight to your core.  You decide to throw all caution out the window. You can’t go back now. Not anymore. To be honest, you could never deny him again.

He slides a hand down your body, his fingers brushing your clavicle and shoulder, then going to your back to skim over your spine. It trails lower until it squeezes your waist and pulls you more into him, making your bodies impossibly closer. “I felt that shiver, too, you know? I always feel so good when I’m close to you. It’s a big problem.”

You let him feel you up, fisting the front of his t-shirt on your hands while you try to remain calm. You’re frozen in place and completely at his mercy. You’ll give him everything he wants from you. You’re his for the taking. You always were.

His mouth brushes against the corner of your lips and you tilt your head up to preen closer to the touch, trying to draw out the feeling of his lips so close to yours for as long as possible.

Eunseok presses a kiss there and his hand glides under your top to feel the warm skin of your lower back. “When I was younger, I always had a boner whenever you so much as looked my way. I jerked off so many times thinking about you,” he reveals, careful eyes watching your reaction to his words. “I still do.”

You choke at the last piece of information, mind reeling with it. He used to touch himself to the thought of you. He still does it now. You wonder how he looks while he does it — how he sounds, how much precum he lets gather at the tip of his cock before touching it, how fast he cums. Almost all air leaves your lungs whilst you think about it.

“Really?” You ask, voice faltering. “Even after everything?”

He nods. “Even after everything. Even now. I can’t get you out of my head.” His fingers start to draw figure eights on your back. “I had to occupy myself with so many things to forget you. I tried so hard, but it was no use.”

Your heartbeat is wild and you’re trembling constantly now. But Eunseok doesn’t seem to care. He just pulls you closer and touches you more, making it impossible for you to stop shivering.

“Me too,” you confess, hands sliding up to the collar of his shirt, gripping it tightly. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t get over you. Over us. I still think about it all the time.”

“Yeah? What do you think about, baby?” He asks, putting his face in the crook between your neck and shoulder.

Your desire gathers between your legs and pools on your underwear so much it starts to feel uncomfortable. You need to take it off of you. You need him to take it off of you. You need him.

“I think about when we used to have fun together,” you say, wrapping your arms over his back.

“Oh,” he utters, descending both of his hands to fit them on your back pockets, squeezing your ass and flattening you against him, his hard-on nestled inside his jeans pressing against your pants’ crotch. It feels amazing. “You think about something like this?”

“Yeah,” you whimper, shifting your hips up to feel more of him. “When I touch myself, I always think about that.”

He releases a breath and drops a kiss on your neck, squeezing you more against him. “What more do you think about?”

“Your pretty cock,” you whisper, running a hand through his hair. “I think about how I used to suck it off and bounce on it. I miss it so much.”

“Oh shit, Y/N,” he groans, pelvis pulling back just to push forwards again, creating delicious friction between you. You feel dizzy with desire and you can only hope he feels the same way.

“Thinking about you always gets me so wet. I’m dripping by the time I’m finished,” you mutter, then you move your lips to his ear, preparing yourself to deal your final blow. “I’m so fucking wet for you right now, Seok.”

It’s Eunseok that shivers this time.

“Fuck, I wanna see that,” he says, a hand snaking in between your legs, cupping your sex over your pants. “I wanna feel it. Can I, baby?”

“Please,” you beg, pulling his face down by his collar until his forehead is pressed against yours again. “I need you so bad. You have no idea.”

“You got me, baby,” he whispers. “You got me.” And then he’s diving in to kiss you.

Eunseok kisses you like he’s claiming you and you kiss him back like you can’t bear spending another moment without his lips touching yours. It’s messy and sloppy, your mouths and tongues trying to suck and lick anything you’re able to reach, your teeth clenching together and biting sensitive skin. Each time one of you pulls back, the other moves forward again to connect your lips.

Kissing like this shows you just how much you wasted time not doing what you wanted. You could’ve been doing this for ages, you could be experienced professionals about how to make each other feel good. You could’ve been loving each other this close and this deeply instead of avoiding your feelings. God, you were so stupid for the longest time.

You’re completely out of breath once Eunseok’s lips slip down to kiss your neck, making you moan and shiver. Then he’s pushing you up until you land on the top of the dresser and you’re glad you have something to support yourself because your legs were about to give out at any moment.

He puts his body in between your thighs and pulls you to the edge of the dresser until he can roll his hips against yours again. You moan in unison and his hands squeeze your thighs whilst he resumes attacking your neck with his mouth.

“I thought about this so much,” you say, grinding on him. “Wishing we could do this all the time.” You pull on his hair until he’s looking at you again. “I always wanted you, Eunseok. Always.”

“I did, too,” he replies, hands slipping under your top to feel your bare skin, thumbs pressing on your sides.

You slide a hand down his stomach to find his belt, pulling on the buckle to unfasten it. Once you’re done, you pull it from his jeans quickly and throw it on the floor. “That’s not the only thing. What I’m trying to say is—”

The air is pulled from your lungs when Eunseok picks you up again and tosses you on your bed, crawling right up to your body until he’s hovering above you. The manhandling gets you light-headed and his hands coming up to cup your breasts empties your brain completely. 

You can’t remember what you were saying. Your focus just zeros in on the way he’s ravishing you.

“Y/N,” he whispers while kissing your jaw.

“Yes?” You say, still dazed.

He moves his hand down to the button of your jeans, toying with it for a moment before pulling it out of its loop and drawing your zipper down. His hands skim on the waistband of your panties and you groan, feeling the heat of his fingertips so close to where you most want him.

“What you’re trying to say is?” He asks, tone light and fun, clearly teasing you for your dazed state for the past minute.

Your brain awakes again and you squeeze his arms, remembering what you were about to confess. “Right. What I’m trying to say is—”

Eunseok sucks on your pulse point and you groan, turned on and frustrated. You know he’ll just keep fogging your mind further until you are a blabbering mess. And although you’re not opposed to that, you really need a moment to catch your breath so you can communicate with him properly. After that, you can do what you both are clearly desperate to do.

“Wait,” you whisper, pushing on his shoulders. “I need a second.”

He pulls back slightly and looks at you, watching your chest heave with each breath you take. “You want to stop?”

You shake your head immediately and press your elbows to the mattress, supporting your head up to look at him. “No. I just need to tell you something.”

His fingers dig on your waist. “Sure, baby. What is it?”

You sigh, moving a hand to his chest and trying to make the words in your brain get out of your mouth. “What I’m trying to say is—” The words get stuck in your throat, a new wave of sudden sensibility hitting you right in the chest, impending them from coming out. You feel you’re about to sob again. “Fuck, I’m saying that I—”

The letters are right there, resting on the tip of your tongue, but they just refuse to get out. I love you, you wanna say. I love you, you wanna scream. I love you, I love you, I love you. That’s all you think about. Three little words that have been swimming inside you for as long as you remember. You waited your whole life to say that to him and now that you’re desperate to say it, your voice fails you, your fear taking over your mind, new tears welling up on your throat.

Eunseok watches you expectantly, just waiting. He’s patient with you, like he is most of the time. His eyes show that he knows what you’re going to say, but also that he badly needs to hear it, probably just as much as you need to tell him. It gives you the strength to push through your last restraints.

You take another shuddering breath and lock your eyes with his. “Seok, I lo—”

Then a sudden sound makes you both jump and he pulls back from you as you sit up on the bed. It takes a second to identify what it is, but the realization downs you both at the same time, your heads tilting together to look at the origin of the noise. It’s Eunseok’s ringtone accompanied by his phone vibrating on your bedside table. He’s receiving a call. And you don’t have to look at his screen to see who the caller is. You know it’s Sian. The woman he just cheated on with you.

Eunseok scurries down the bed to pick up his phone, turning his volume all the way down until the only sign of his girlfriend calling him is the picture glowing under her name on his screen. Then he puts the device into his pants’s pocket and stares at the wall in front of him. His back is turned to you and his shoulders are stiff whilst his phone screen still lights up inside his back pocket until it stills. But barely two seconds later it starts flashing again and you know Sian won’t stop calling until he picks up.

You just fucked up. Majorly so. 

Hurting each other in the midst of your confusing feelings was all you’ve ever done in your life. The sting burned like hell, but it was your way, your uncomfortable comfort zone, something you’ve gotten used to. Upsetting and harmful, but still familiar, still you two. But hurting another person because of it — someone who has nothing to do with your shit, who is a good person above and all? That was a whole new level of dark and twisted.

You sigh, extremely disappointed with yourself, and run your hands through your hair. You knew you were a bad person, but apparently you never thought it would get to this extent. And now here you are.

What pulls you from the bed and puts you on your feet is Eunseok complete stillness. He’s quiet until his phone stops ringing for the third time, probably taking his girlfriend to voicemail. And he remains quiet when it starts to ring again. You get up to comfort him, to put a hand on his shoulder, because you can’t take seeing him hurt by something that is obviously your fault.

You were the one who held back your feelings. You were the one who made him confused. You were the one that confronted him, screamed and cried. You let him hug you, leaned into his arms, shivered and whispered his name like a prayer. You teased him, tempted him, made him cheat. Eunseok isn’t guilty of any of this, you are. It’s your responsibility to take.

You get off the bed and walk towards him. “Seok,” you say, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder.

However, Eunseok flinches away from you, instantly springing back to life and starting to zip up his pants again. You pull your hand back to rest it against your chest, clenching it into a fist and holding your wrist with your other hand.

“I think I should go,” he says to the wall.

You take a step back and sigh. Guilt, shame, fear and rejection pull on your heartstrings, making your chest tight. You don’t have the energy nor the audacity to ask him to stay. Not after what you’ve just done.

“Okay,” you say in a small voice.

Eunseok turns to you, but his eyes look at a distant point at your bedroom wall. “I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

You gulp down the tears swelling on your throat and nod. “Okay.”

He finally looks at you, eyes heavy with remorse. “I just need some time and space, Y/N.”

“Sure, I’ll give them to you,” you say, plastering a fake smile on your face, trying to comfort him despite falling apart inside. ”Whatever you need, Seok.”

“Thank you,” he sighs.

Then he’s back to recomposing himself and collecting some of his things left on the floor and you just stay there, watching him until he’s done. On his way out of your room, he brushes past you and stops. You hold your breath as he gets close and presses his lips to your temple.

“Bye, Y/N-ie,” he whispers over your skin.

You close your eyes and whisper back, “Bye, Seokie.”

Then he exits, hurried steps following down your house hallway. You hear him quickly put on his shoes at the hall and a small beat of silence just before he opens the door. Then the lock clicks open, a gust of wind whistles through it and you know he’s out, the automatic alarm of the door locking it closed, leaving you all alone again.

You fall to the floor, legs too weak to hold the heavy weight on your heart, and look up to the pegboard over your dresser, filled with trinkets and many pictures — pictures of you and Eunseok together.

There’s one of you as five-year-olds at the playground you met and one of you behind Eunseok’s solar system mock up he did for a science fair when you were eight. There’s one of you at twelve playing a shooting game at an arcade and another of you when you skipped class to spend a day at the beach at fourteen. There’s another one of you working together at a part-time job in a cafe when you were sixteen and even a selfie from one of your many movie nights at seventeen. There’s one of you at a burger place when you were eighteen, looking at each other and laughing.

And the last one is just of Eunseok, taken a year back, when things were already too messy in between you. In the image, he’s as handsome as ever, looking down to write something on a notepad, his hair swept back and his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. You remember the distance between his frames and his eyes made you focus on his eyelashes, just like that other time, and that a stirring on your chest made you snap the photo silently and keep it to yourself.

Looking at all of your sacred memories with him, you can’t stop the tears from falling down your face, afraid you just lost the one constant in your life forever.

author's note: Don't hate me, hate Song Eunseok who inspired me to write this. If you want a part of two, comments and asks are welcomed so I'm sure you guys actually like this. Thank you for reading, as always!

[ywnzn]

boy next door | song eunseok smau

ᡣ𐭩 song eunseok x fem!reader.

ᡣ𐭩 synopsis. in which yn keeps texting a random number life updates, that turns out to be the boy next door.

ᡣ𐭩 genre.  smau + mayb written chapters, strangers to friends to lovers!au, fluff, angst?, romance, slow burn kinda. (& bad humor i’m sorry🙂‍↕️)

ᡣ𐭩 features. rest of riize, txt’s beomgyu, le sserafim’s eunchae, illit’s moka & more.

ᡣ𐭩 notes. random pictures will be used to visualise concepts, outfits & photo style for mc. do not hesitate to leave an ask if you have any suggestions!

ᡣ𐭩 status. complete - 300424

ᡣ𐭩 taglist. closed !! @kyusqult @starwonb1n @teddywook @seunghancore @molensworld @ahnneyong @lecheugo @eternalgyu @rksbae @hakkkuu @wonychu @nakam00t @totheseok @ilovechanhee @strawbaemi @miyawakiblossoms @kgyam4 @sseastar-main @rosesfortaro @dodot04lover @daegale @b-riize @seongminloverrr @luvyujun @lipsbyive @bludzk1llzyuzu @keilovr @ksywoo @bambisnc @poollabug @rllymark @jinanangel @bunni @drinktaro @wonbinsvlle @lcvehee @miyawwn @snowyseungs @nujeskz @https-yeonjun @esther-kpopstan @inmybunnyera

ᡣ𐭩 profiles ; dream team | physic ward

ᡣ𐭩 chapters.

01. delivered ??????

02. oops..

03. small world

04. gyu next door

05. oh wait!

06. “free for you”

07. miffy?

— 7.5. new miffy fan bonus

8. eunseok nosy era

9. lover girl

10. phone calls?

11. count your days

12. who hurt you

13. no boyfriend

14. new cafe

15. cupid’s plan written + smau

16. heol²

17. as long as ure happy...

18. hey lovely

19. a coincidence? written + smau

20. blonde seok

21. miffy madness written

22. you knew??

— 22.5. rip song eunseok bonus

23. am i dreaming

24. can't wait

25. misunderstood

26. sucks to suck

27. lovesong?? really??

28. surprise stream

29. just asking written + smau

30. alright? written + smau

31. wrong gc

32. serenade pt.1

33. serenade pt.2

34. pretty written + smau

35. cute or wtv

36. so dramatic

37. never too much bonus

38. makeup tester bonus

39. stole your mans bonus

40. finally home bonus

© ywnzn - 2024 ▸ this smau is merely based on fictional events and is not meant to represent any of the idols mentioned accurately in any way, either it's personality or shipping characters wise.

[seokvrtual]

favorite one 𝜗𝜚 song eunseok

you’ve confessed to eunseok a total of two times: once in eighth grade and once in eleventh. both times ended in rejection—something you’re not exactly proud of. now, as you begin a new chapter of life with university starting, you can’t help but feel like the universe is playing a cruel joke as you keep orbiting around the same guy who turned you down twice.

genre. not exactly friends to lovers, she fell first he fell harder, invisible string

featuring. fem! reader x eunseok, pahn thitta as yn, ot7 riize, aespa’s giselle, enhypen’s jake, le sserafim’s yunjin

contains. profanities, kys jokes

taglist. send an ask to be added!

author’s note. i decided to give yn a faceclaim just so pictures that include the face and whatnot would be easier to look for! however, i will try my best to not incorporate pictures like so in the au, so it can feel more relatable for you!

profiles ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ touchdown beijing , walmart kiof

eight grade ⋆.˚ 💬 𓂃

01. back in eight grade

02. dry as hell!

eleventh grade ⋆.˚ 💬 𓂃

03. forward to eleventh grade

04. research dilemma

05. library tmi

06. matcha chronicles

07. friends that are delulu together, stay together

08. japan trip

09. ghosting

10. research conclusion

11. welfare checkup

1st year of college ⋆.˚ 💬 𓂃

more coming soon!

[dailylcy]

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD LOVE ME? ♡⸝⸝

ఌ︎. pairing. idol!eunseok x manager!reader ఌ︎. wc. 470 ఌ︎. genre. forbidden love , angst ఌ︎. a/n. in honor of “dytyclm” by yung kai ( my fav non - kpop artist ) coming out! GO STREAM! if u want

It was late. Way too late.

Most of the staff had already left the concert venue, leaving only a handful of crew cleaning up after another long day of performances. You were double checking tomorrow’s schedule, scrolling through your phone as you made your way towards the exit.

You weren’t expecting him to be there.

Eunseok was sitting on the stairs outside, his hoodie pulled up, head resting on his knees. The cool night air ruffled his hair slightly as he stared at basically nothing, lost in his thoughts.

“You should be inside” you said, stepping just a few steps towards him.

He looked up at you, his eyes warm but tired. “And you should take a break sometimes” he replied. “But you never do.”

You sighed, slipping your phone into your back pocket. “Thats my job, Eunseok.”

“And mine is to perform, but you still remind me to rest.” His voice was soft, teasing but with something softer beneath. Something dangerous.

You should have left. You should have walked past him, ignore the way he was looking at you — as if you were something more than just his manager.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you sat down beside him, keeping just enough distance. The city lights flickered in the distance, casting long shadows over the pavement.

For a while, neither of you spoke. The quiet stretched between you, not uncomfortable, just…heavy.

“I see how much you do for me,” he finally said, voice quiet. “How you take care of everything so I don’t have to worry. You think I don’t notice, but I do.”

You swallowed. “That’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“But I—” He hesitated, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want it to be just that.”

Your breath caught.

He turned to you then, eyes searching yours. “You take care of me every day. Do you think you would let me if I told you I want to take care of you too?”

The world felt smaller suddenly. Just the two of you in this moment, balancing on the edge of something neither of you were supposed to want.

You wanted to say yes. But you couldn’t.

With a quiet, forced laugh, you shook your head. “You’re tired, Eunseok. You should go rest.”

For a second, he didn’t move. Didn’t look away.

Then, with a small, almost knowing smile, he nodded. “Alright. But you should too.”

He stood up, stretching slightly before shoving his hands into his pockets. he walked past you and didn’t say anything else.

You exhaled slowly, pressing your fingers against your temples.

You told yourself this was the right choice. That keeping your distance was what was best for both of you.

But when you saw him the next morning—when his eyes met yours across the room, holding something unspoken, something unfinished — you knew.

This wasn’t over. Not yet.

› leave ask/comment to be added to my permanent taglist

to my main masterlist | part 2 here!

© dailylcy 2025

[eunseoksimp]

lonely star — s.es

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 sub reader, dom eunseok, toxic relationship, obsession, saviour complex, narcissism, loneliness, dependency, mirage, smut

synopsis: you were running long before he found you — fleeing the weight in your chest, the loneliness gnawing beneath your skin, the hollow ache of a life unraveling at the seams. you were beautiful in your ruin, desperate to be needed, desperate to be loved, and song eunseok saved you with his crooked smile and tender hands, pulling you from the edge and teaching you how to breathe again through him. he called you his only one, his star, and you believed it with your whole being, letting his love weave itself into your bones, stitching every broken part of you back together until your heartbeat belonged to him alone. you burned for him without question, shined for him without doubt, a lonely star caught in his orbit — flickering, crumbling, desperate to be seen. and you would keep burning for him, endlessly, until there was nothing left but ash.

WARNINGS: swear words, brief mention of depression, saviour complex, extremely unhealthy dependency, manipulation and narcissism at its finest, praise kink, overstimulation, lowkey body worship, dacryphilia, slight subspace, unprotected sex (do not imitate)

a/n: i’ve had this one in the drafts for almost a month now, but i never quite felt like it captured what i wanted it to. this was also inspired by the song lonely star by the weekend so listen to it when you read if you can :)

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

the night hung thick and damp around your shoulders, the kind of cold that didn’t just bite at the skin but worked its way in deeper, finding the marrow of your bones and making a home there. the city’s usual noise had been dampened by the earlier rain, everything muffled under a sheen of wet asphalt and glistening sidewalks, the neon bleeding out into blurred pools of color across the ground. 

the bar you stumbled into was no better — a low-ceilinged room clogged with bodies and smoke, the air saturated with the heavy sweetness of spilled alcohol and stale sweat. you pushed through it without thinking, the press of strangers brushing against your jacket and catching at your sleeves, the music a low, pulsing throb that vibrated through your shoes, through your teeth, through the hollow places inside your chest.

you told yourself you weren’t looking for him, that you were just here to breathe something other than the silence of your own apartment, but your eyes betrayed you, scanning the crowd with a hunger you tried to smother beneath layers of indifference that had long since worn thin. and there he was, as inevitable as gravity, tucked into a dark corner of the bar like a secret the night itself was keeping, his body draped across the cracked leather booth with a carelessness that made your stomach twist painfully in on itself.

eunseok looked like he had always belonged to places like this, where the light was low and the air was thick enough to drown in. the leather jacket hung open over a thin black shirt, one knee hooked over the other in a sprawl that took up too much space, a cigarette burning between two fingers, the tip flaring and dying in slow, lazy pulses. the smoke curled up around him in soft grey ribbons, painting him in shifting shadows, wrapping him in something dangerous and unshakable. even from across the room, you could see the slow curve of his smirk, the way his head tipped back in a laugh, and worse — the girl beside him, pressed so close their bodies looked sewn together, her hand sliding along the line of his ribs like she had every right to touch him.

your heart thudded once, painfully, a sharp bloom of heat in the frozen hollow of your chest. you stood there too long, drink forgotten in your hand, staring like some desperate, broken thing that didn’t yet know it had been abandoned. he didn’t see you. or maybe he did and decided you weren’t worth the interruption. either way, he didn’t move, didn’t hesitate, didn’t stop the girl when she leaned in closer, her lips brushing the curve of his jaw as he exhaled a lazy cloud of smoke into the air between them.

the room tilted, or maybe it was just your vision fracturing under the weight of it all — the music warping, the voices around you melting into a meaningless roar, the glass slipping from your fingers and crashing to the floor in a burst of sharp noise you barely registered. someone laughed. someone cursed. but no one looked at you. no one saw the way your shoulders hunched in against themselves, the way your fingers dug into the fabric of your coat like you could rip yourself out of your own skin.

you turned blindly, stumbling through the crowd, the heat and press of bodies a sickening thing against your too-sensitive skin. the door loomed ahead, heavy and scratched, and you slammed your shoulder into it harder than necessary just to feel something, anything, the night air crashing into you as you staggered out into the open.

the street outside was slick with rain, the pavement gleaming under the yellow wash of the streetlights, the gutters humming with runoff. you stood there for a moment, swaying slightly, the cold wrapping around you in greedy fingers, trying to find your footing, trying to remember how to breathe. the image of him — the soft dip of his smile, the lazy way he let her touch him — burned behind your eyes like an afterimage, something that no amount of blinking could erase.

you walked without thinking, each step dragging more than the last, the world reduced to the sound of your boots scuffing against wet concrete and the ragged scrape of your breath. the rain had stopped but the air still tasted wet, metallic against your tongue, and the cold settled deeper with every block you passed, working its way into your joints, into the spaces between your ribs, into the small, secret places that still hurt when you thought of him.

the city blurred around you, headlights stretching into long streaks of white and red, neon signs smearing their colors across the windows of shuttered shops. you could have been walking for minutes or hours; it didn’t matter. time had folded in on itself somewhere between the moment you saw him and the moment you turned away, leaving you to drift through it like smoke through a cracked window.

when you finally reached your building, the rusted gate groaned under your hand, the weight of it protesting as you shoved your way inside. the hallway was dark, the single flickering bulb overhead casting more shadow than light, and your key slipped twice before you managed to fit it into the lock. your fingers were clumsy, trembling, your nails biting into your palms when you finally pushed the door open and stumbled inside.

the apartment smelled stale — a mixture of unopened windows, worn fabric, and something fainter, sadder, like dust collecting in forgotten corners. you didn’t bother with the lights. the darkness was easier. the darkness didn’t ask questions. the darkness didn’t demand answers you didn’t have.

you kicked off your boots, letting them thud against the floor, and shrugged out of your coat, leaving it in a crumpled heap by the door. the couch beckoned in the half-light, a sagging thing covered in a threadbare throw you never got around to replacing, and you let yourself collapse onto it without grace, pulling the blanket around your shoulders as if it could shield you from the memory clawing at the back of your throat.

you sat there, curled into yourself, listening to the radiator clank somewhere deep in the walls, the sound of the city a dull throb against the glass. the night stretched out around you, thick and endless, and you sank deeper into it, feeling the weight of everything you couldn’t say, everything you couldn’t fix, pressing down harder with each passing hour. the hunger in your chest was an old thing now, gnawing and insistent, a steady, low ache that refused to be ignored no matter how tightly you wrapped yourself in old blankets and empty promises.

you told yourself you would move eventually, that you would shower, that you would call someone, anyone, that you would claw your way out of this if you just gave it enough time. you told yourself that the sharp, hollow ache behind your ribs would dull if you just stayed very still and waited long enough.

but the hours slipped past, thick and syrupy, and you stayed. the darkness pressed closer, seeping into your skin, filling up the hollow spaces he left behind.

the days that followed bled into each other without edges, without meaning, as if time itself had grown bored of keeping track of you. the sun rose and set behind the curtains you no longer bothered to open, smearing pale light across the floorboards for a few thin hours before retreating again, and you watched it without moving, without speaking, without caring. it was easier this way — easier to let the hours stack on top of each other like brittle bones, easier to sink beneath the weight of them and pretend you had chosen the stillness rather than being trapped inside it.

you lived inside the cocoon of your apartment, wrapped tight in stale air and the faint, musty scent of old fabric and forgotten things. dishes piled in the sink, laundry sagged from the basket onto the floor, unopened mail gathered in an untidy drift against the front door. none of it mattered. nothing demanded your attention loudly enough to break through the thick fog that had settled over your mind, a slow, grey suffocation that made even the simplest tasks — eating, standing, breathing — feel like trying to lift stones with broken fingers.

your phone vibrated sometimes, a brittle buzz against the kitchen counter or the hollow thud of a voicemail dropping like a pebble into a well. friends. family. their concern thin and distant, like voices calling to you across a river you no longer had the strength to cross. the sound made your stomach twist, your skin crawl with guilt you couldn't fully feel anymore. you let the calls ring out, watched the screen blink itself into silence, and eventually even the people who loved you stopped trying to reach you through the darkness you had wrapped around yourself like armor.

sleep was a slippery, unreliable thing. some nights you fell into it without meaning to, dragged under by exhaustion so complete it felt like being smothered. other nights you lay awake for hours, the ceiling blurring into a white, oppressive weight above you, the fabric of the blanket caught between your fingers as you twisted it tighter and tighter, willing yourself to disappear into the cracks of your own body.

you stopped bothering to eat unless the hollow ache of your stomach became unbearable, and even then it was mechanical, thoughtless — a few crackers, a glass of water, whatever you could choke down without tasting it. the act of living became a rote exercise, a grim imitation of habit. you brushed your teeth sometimes. you changed your shirt when the smell of yourself became too sharp to ignore. you moved through the apartment like a ghost haunting the ruins of your own life, tethered by nothing except inertia and the dim, stubborn flicker of hope you couldn't seem to kill.

because somewhere, buried under all the rotting loneliness, under the thick ache of humiliation and loss, was the smallest, cruelest part of you — the part that still believed he might come back.

you hated that part. you hated how it poisoned everything, how it whispered to you in the quietest hours that maybe he missed you too, that maybe he thought of you when he lit a cigarette or caught the scent of rain on concrete. it was easier to despise yourself than it was to uproot the hope entirely, easier to dig your nails into the soft, festering wound of it and keep it alive just long enough to hurt.

the mirror was the worst. sometimes you caught glimpses of yourself — slipping past the darkened glass of the television screen, the gleam of the microwave door — and the reflection startled you like an intruder. pale, sunken, hollow-eyed. a mouth that had forgotten how to smile. shoulders hunched in on themselves like a creature expecting to be struck. you looked like something dragged out of the riverbed, waterlogged and rotting and lost.

the girl he had smiled at in the bar — the easy, thoughtless beauty of her — floated in the back of your mind like a poison cloud. you replayed the curve of her smile, the casual way she touched him, the way he let her, over and over until it blurred into something sticky and sick inside your chest. you imagined the sound of his laughter against her throat, the way he would have smelled of smoke and cold air and skin, and it made your stomach twist with something too big, too ugly to name.

you sank deeper into yourself each day, curling tighter, folding smaller, trying to will yourself invisible from the inside out. the apartment shrank around you, the walls leaning closer, the air growing heavier, and the silence between the radiator clanks and passing sirens stretched longer and longer until you could barely hear your own heartbeat under the crushing weight of it.

it was in that thick, endless silence — after how many days you couldn’t say — that the knock came.

soft at first. almost tentative. the kind of sound you could have imagined, might have imagined, if your mind hadn’t already been so frayed at the edges. you froze where you sat curled in the corner of the couch, the blanket pulled up to your chin, your breath halting in your chest like a deer catching the scent of smoke.

the knock came again. louder. more certain.

your heart started to thud painfully against your ribs, slow and heavy and thick, as if your body had forgotten how to react to anything but dread. your fingers fumbled at the edge of the blanket, nails catching on the fraying threads as you tried to force your limbs to move, to obey, to do anything except sit there and drown in the flood of fear and stupid, aching hope that rose up, choking and sudden.

you stumbled to your feet, the room tilting slightly around you, your bare toes curling against the cold floor as you crept toward the door. your mind spun uselessly, conjuring faces — a neighbor, a delivery left by mistake, a final, desperate intervention from someone who still remembered you existed — but beneath all the frantic possibilities, one name pulsed steady and sick in your blood.

eunseok.

you reached the door with trembling hands, pressing your palm flat against the worn wood, feeling the coolness of it seep into your skin. for a moment you just stood there, forehead leaning against the doorframe, your breath fogging faintly against the surface, gathering yourself — or maybe praying.

the door swung open on a gust of cold air that slipped under your skin and raised goosebumps along your arms, but it wasn’t the chill that rooted you to the spot, breath caught somewhere between your lungs and your throat, your fingers clenching helplessly at the fabric of your shirt. it was him.

eunseok stood framed in the doorway like something summoned, a dream stitched together from all the most desperate, broken parts of you.  like some impossible, beautiful apparition conjured from the depths of your loneliness, something too good, too needed to be real. 

his hair — dark as spilled ink and still damp from the night — fell across his forehead in messy strands that framed the sharp, devastating angles of his face. his skin, that impossibly golden flush he carried even in the harshest light, seemed to catch and hold the faint glow spilling from the hallway, casting him in something almost ethereal, almost cruelly beautiful.

he wore a plain white tee that clung to the shape of him, the soft stretch of it pulling tight across the breadth of his chest and the slope of his shoulders, the fabric thin enough that it left little to the imagination. the faint gleam of a silver chain caught the light at his collarbone, a delicate star dangling there, sharp and small and almost mocking in its simplicity. grey joggers rode low on his hips, casual and careless, and yet he stood there like a king, like he owned the ground beneath your feet, like the mere act of breathing in the same space as him was something you should fall to your knees for.

the faint scent of him wrapped around you almost immediately — cigarette smoke clinging stubbornly to the soft cotton of his shirt, undercut by the sharper bite of something clean, something metallic and cold like rain on concrete. it filled your nose, your mouth, your lungs, made your fingers twitch with the sudden, terrible urge to reach out and touch, to confirm he was real, that you hadn’t simply conjured him out of the fevered dreams that had plagued you for nights on end.

he smirked when he caught the look on your face — that soft, devastating curve of his mouth that always felt like it stripped you bare, left you shivering and skinless under his gaze. he leaned his broad frame casually against the doorframe, arms loose at his sides, as if he wasn’t aware — or perhaps very aware — of the way he dwarfed the space, of the way you shrank in on yourself instinctively, heart hammering against your ribs with the violence of a trapped thing.

“miss me?” he asked, voice low and rough around the edges, threaded through with amusement so light it stung worse than cruelty.

you opened your mouth, but no words came out, only a thin, shaky exhale that seemed to amuse him even more. his gaze dragged over you slowly, unhurried, drinking in the wreckage he had left behind — the way your hair hung limp around your face, the way the sleeves of your sweater swallowed your trembling hands, the way you looked at him like he was the last real thing in a world that had already turned its back on you.

the relief burning too sharp, too sudden, and all you could do was nod, small and desperate and breaking apart at the seams with it. the weight of him, the sheer reality of him standing here in your doorway, was almost too much to bear. you blinked hard, trying to steady yourself, trying to breathe around the wild, frantic way your heart leapt in your chest.

“you look like hell,” he said, but there was no real malice in it, only a kind of lazy fondness that made the shame bloom hot and fast beneath your skin. 

he moved with the same easy arrogance you remembered — slow and sure, as if he was giving you the illusion of choice while knowing exactly how this night would end. he brushed past you, the heat of him scalding where it grazed your arm, and your knees nearly buckled with the effort of not reaching out, of not grabbing onto him like a drowning thing reaching for the first piece of driftwood it could find.

the door clicked shut behind him with a soft finality that echoed through the silence like a gunshot.

he took two steps into the apartment, surveying the dark, cluttered space with a mild disinterest that made your stomach twist into knots. he pulled a crumpled pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his joggers, tapping one out with the kind of careless efficiency that made your stomach flutter. you watched, helpless, as he placed the filter between his lips, the movement so practiced, so intimate, you almost felt like you were intruding on something sacred. the soft rasp of the lighter flared between his fingers, casting his face in a brief halo of orange light, and he inhaled slow and deep, the hollow of his throat bobbing as he drew the smoke into his lungs.

when he exhaled, the smoke curled lazily from his mouth, painting the air between you in soft, shapeless ribbons. the smell of it — warm, bitter, familiar — wrapped around you like a tether, and you breathed it in without thinking, letting it fill the hollow spaces inside your chest where your heart had been wearing thin.

he looked at you through the drifting smoke, his eyes sharp and steady, pinning you in place more thoroughly than hands ever could, and for a moment, you simply stood there, trapped beneath the weight of his gaze, the world outside shrinking down to the handful of inches between you.

he smiled, slow and indulgent, like he was proud of you, like he knew exactly how close you were to crumbling at his feet. “weren’t expecting me, huh?” he said, voice curling low and thick through the smoky air, and you shook your head, helpless to do anything else.

your heart beat wild and frantic against your ribs, your fingers twitching with the urge to reach out, to touch, to anchor yourself to him the way you had once without thinking. your whole body ached to close the distance, to sink into him and never find your way out again.

he didn’t need to ask you to move — he never did. one slight tilt of his chin toward the couch, one flicker of his eyes, and you obeyed, your feet carrying you across the room like you had been waiting your whole life for the chance to follow.

the couch sagged slightly under your weight as you perched on the edge, your hands curling into the fraying fabric of your sleeves as you tried — and failed — to steady the trembling in your limbs. the distance between you was too small, too charged, the air heavy with smoke and longing, and you could feel every beat of your heart like a drum pounding in your throat.

he stayed standing for a moment longer, watching you, savoring you, then finally lowered himself onto the couch beside you with a lazy grace that made the cushions dip and your whole body tip subtly toward him, like gravity had shifted just to pull you closer.

the smoke still curled from the cigarette balanced between his fingers, the ember pulsing faintly with each slow, deliberate drag he took, and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the way his lips wrapped around the filter, the way his chest rose and fell with the breath of it.

he exhaled again, the smoke drifting across your face, filling your senses, and when his free hand brushed lightly against the side of your neck — a barely-there touch, so soft it could have been accidental — you flinched, not from fear, but from the sheer, overwhelming relief of it.

he hummed low in his throat, amused by your reaction, and you leaned into the ghost of his touch without thinking, your body betraying you before your mind could catch up.

“relax,” he murmured, his voice a thread of warmth weaving itself into your bloodstream, and this time, you did. you sagged into the couch, into the space beside him, into the aching, all-consuming need you had no interest in fighting.

the silence between you stretched, thick and heavy, wrapped in the faint haze of cigarette smoke and something heavier still — the weight of everything unsaid, the slow burn of everything you had tried so hard to swallow and forget. the couch sagged beneath both your bodies, the inches of worn fabric between you charged like a live wire, thrumming with tension you could feel in the marrow of your bones.

he tapped the ash from his cigarette into a chipped glass tray on the table beside him that you had bought only for him, his movements slow, unbothered, the smoldering tip flaring briefly before dying down again. the smoke curled from his fingers in lazy spirals, catching in the dim light and drawing your eyes to the long, elegant line of his wrist, the tendons shifting beneath golden skin with every small flicker of movement. you were staring, you knew you were, but you couldn’t stop — couldn’t do anything except breathe him in, memorize him, stitch him into the frayed edges of yourself like a patch over something too broken to heal.

he tilted his head slightly, dark hair falling into his eyes, and the slow, almost absent way he watched you — like you were something fragile and beautiful and entirely his — made your pulse stutter painfully in your throat.

you shifted on the couch, trying to find space to breathe in a room that had suddenly shrunk to the shape of him, your knees brushing against his. the contact was barely there, a whisper, but it sent a shiver up your spine, a tight pull low in your stomach that made your whole body ache. you hated how easy it was — how natural it felt to lean closer, to fold yourself smaller, to make room for him even when there was no room left for you.

he smiled then, slow and lazy, and the heat of it washed over you like sunlight after a long winter, thawing the frozen parts of you you hadn’t even realized were dying.

“you’re quiet,” he said, voice low and smooth, each word dropping into the space between you like a stone into deep water, sending ripples through the heavy stillness.

you opened your mouth, but the words stuck, clumsy and broken, somewhere behind your ribs. you shook your head instead, a small, helpless gesture, and his smile deepened, something fond and a little triumphant glinting in his eyes.

he leaned forward, elbows resting casually on his knees, bringing himself even closer, and the heat of him hit you full-force — warm skin, sharp smoke, the faint clean salt of his sweat. your lungs tightened around it, your whole body locking into place like a bird trapped in the slow closing of a hunter’s hand.

he reached out then, fingers brushing under your chin, lifting it gently, and you followed the motion without resistance, your heart hammering so loudly you were sure he could hear it. his touch was deceptively light, almost reverent, but there was no mistaking the command in it — the way he guided you without words, without force, just the steady, unshakable pull of him.

his thumb traced the edge of your jaw, slow and deliberate, and the burn of it lingered long after his hand dropped away.

he leaned back slightly, studying you like he was memorizing the tilt of your mouth, the wideness of your eyes, the way you trembled just sitting there under the weight of his attention. his gaze dragged over you, heavy and slow, and you felt yourself unfold under it, the walls you had spent so long building cracking and giving way with terrifying, beautiful ease.

he brought the cigarette to his mouth again, the silver chain around his neck catching the low light with the movement, and when he exhaled, the smoke drifted across your face, warm and bitter and dizzying. you closed your eyes for a moment, breathing it in like a blessing, like a benediction.

when you opened them again, he was watching you with something dangerously close to tenderness.

“missed me that much, huh?” he murmured, and there was no cruelty in it, only a soft, almost amused wonder, as if he still couldn’t quite believe how deeply you had unraveled without him.

you didn’t trust your voice, didn’t trust yourself not to break entirely if you tried to speak, so you nodded — small, ashamed, desperate. the confession lived in every inch of your body, humming under your skin, bleeding out into the space between you: yes.

he laughed then, low and quiet, the sound sliding under your skin like velvet and knives, and you shivered, leaning toward him without meaning to, without even thinking.

he stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray with a casual flick of his fingers, the faint hiss of it snuffed out in an instant, and then his hand was on your thigh — casual, warm, heavy — grounding you, branding you.

the couch felt smaller by the second, the air thicker, like the room itself had curled inward to cradle the two of you in its heavy, breathless hush. the only light came from the streetlamp bleeding dimly through the blinds, striping eunseok's skin in gold and shadow, catching on the silver chain at his throat, casting the soft glint of the star against his chest every time he shifted. he still smelled like smoke and rain, but under it was something warmer now, something almost dizzyingly human — the low, steady beat of his existence, so close, so tangible, you thought you might drown just breathing him in.

his hand never left your thigh, lazy and steady, thumb tracing slow circles like he could calm the frantic racing of your heart with that alone. your body betrayed you at every turn, leaning into the weight of him, your breath growing shallower, your knees inching closer to his with every pulsebeat.

you watched him through your lashes, your heart a slow, sick thud against your ribs. he looked devastating in the dim light, his hair curling slightly at the ends from the humidity, his shirt stretched tight across his chest, the silver star at his throat catching the faintest gleam every time he shifted.

you twisted the hem of your sweater tighter in your hands, the frayed fabric digging rough against your fingertips, your gaze pinned helplessly to the faint shadows shifting across the floor as eunseok leaned back further into the couch, one arm slung casually across the back of it, the other draped over your thigh, his whole body radiating the kind of effortless calm that you could never seem to find in yourself, not even when he was near, not even when he made it look so easy.

your heart stuttered painfully against your ribs, a wild, uneven rhythm that felt entirely too loud inside the hush of the apartment, and you could feel the question crawling up the back of your throat like a splinter, sharp and relentless, impossible to ignore. you didn’t want to ask — you didn’t want to disturb the fragile peace that had settled around you like a too-thin blanket against a freezing night — but the loneliness that had built up in his absence, the hollow, echoing ache that had gnawed at you night after night while you waited and waited and waited for him to come back, had worn you too thin to hold it in any longer.

you swallowed hard, the movement tight and painful, and still, you hesitated, your fingers tightening around the fabric until your knuckles ached, until you could barely feel the tips of them, as if the small, ridiculous pain could anchor you, steady you enough to survive whatever would happen next. you could feel his gaze on you even without looking — heavy and knowing and unbearably warm — and you hated yourself for how much you craved it, how much you needed him to keep seeing you, to keep choosing you, even after everything, even if you didn’t deserve it.

the words trembled on the tip of your tongue for what felt like an eternity before you forced them out, your voice smaller than you intended, cracking slightly at the edges despite your best efforts.

“you’ve... been gone a long time.”

the confession slipped into the heavy air between you like a stone sinking into deep water, and immediately you wished you could reach out and pluck it back, wished you could laugh it off, wished you could swallow it down and pretend you were stronger than this, less desperate, less hollow without him.

but it was too late.

the silence after your words was deafening, stretching longer and longer until you could feel it scraping against your skin like sandpaper, raw and bruising. you dared a glance at him, heart lodged somewhere between your ribs and your throat, and found his gaze already locked on yours, steady and unreadable, the corner of his mouth curled into a lazy almost-smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

he didn’t answer — not right away, not in words — and the weight of his silence pressed harder against your chest, thick and suffocating, until your fingers fumbled at the hem of your sweater again, a frantic, useless gesture, your eyes dropping helplessly back to your lap as if you could hide there, as if you could shield yourself from the slow, inevitable disappointment blooming cold and ugly beneath your ribs.

eunseok shifted slightly, the couch creaking under his weight, and for a brief, foolish moment, you thought he might reach for you, might pull you into his arms and tell you something — anything — to ease the hollow ache yawning wider inside your chest. but he only adjusted his position, stretching out more comfortably, draping himself along the back of the couch like he owned it, like he owned you, the soft glint of the star at his throat flashing briefly in the dim light as he tipped his head back against the cushion.

"what does it matter?" he said at last, his voice low and unbothered, threading through the thick, stifling air with a lazy ease that made your throat close around the lump of hurt rising fast and sharp.

“i’m here now, aren’t i?”

you nodded, too quickly, too eagerly, swallowing past the sting in your throat, blinking hard against the hot prickle of tears that threatened to humiliate you further. of course it didn’t matter. of course you had no right to ask. he was here now. that was what mattered. that had to be enough. you told yourself it was enough even as something deep and trembling inside you whispered that you would have accepted so much less just for the chance to stay tethered to him.

he let his gaze linger on you a moment longer, studying you with that same steady, heavy warmth that made your heart stutter painfully against your ribs, then he shifted closer again, closing the already too-small distance between you with a slow, lazy inevitability that made the air between you crackle and tighten.

his hand found your jaw, tilting your face up toward his with two fingers under your chin, and when your eyes met his — dark and deep and filled with something that looked enough like tenderness to break you wide open — the last fragile pieces of your resistance crumbled into dust.

"you're thinking too much," he murmured, thumb brushing lightly across your cheekbone, and the words melted into your skin, soothing the raw, exposed ache there until you weren’t sure where the pain ended and the comfort began.

"you know i hate when you get into your head like that. just stay with me. here. in this moment."

his hand slid from your jaw to the nape of your neck, pulling you forward with the kind of slow, inescapable gravity you had never been strong enough to resist, and when his mouth met yours again — slow and deep and devastating — you let yourself fall into it with a broken, breathless relief.

"lost your mind without me around, huh?"

the words slid through the thick air between you, unhurried and devastating, not a tease, not a taunt, but something far more dangerous — a murmur, a knowing, a tether tied invisibly around your throat. you nodded without lifting your head, the movement small and pathetic, your face burning hot with the shame of how easily he unraveled you, how little it took, and when he chuckled — low and indulgent, the sound brushing over your skin like the warm stroke of silk drawn over a wound — you felt the last of your breath catch uselessly in your lungs.

he shifted his hand higher, leaving a slow, scorching trail in his wake, fingers skimming up the curve of your waist, the heat of his palm bleeding through the thin barrier of your sweater until it felt like your skin might blister under the slow, inevitable drag of his touch. your hands, clumsy and trembling, fisted tighter in the worn fabric pooled in your lap, the last pitiful remnants of your self-control slipping like water between your fingers, every part of you screaming to crawl into the warmth of him, to press yourself so close that the sharp, gnawing loneliness he had left behind would finally, finally be smothered out.

he leaned down then, the ghost of his breath fanning across your ear, and when his mouth brushed against the delicate shell of it, a violent shiver tore through you, rattling your bones, betraying everything you were too proud to say.

"bet you kept the bed cold without me," he whispered, the words thrumming low and rich in the space between your bodies, threaded through with lazy amusement, and you squeezed your eyes shut, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip to keep the sound lodged in your throat from escaping, from giving him more than he already had.

you had. you had curled yourself around a pillow night after night, clutching it with bruising force, inhaling the fading scent of detergent and dust and everything that was not him, pretending, lying to yourself that you weren’t freezing from the inside out, that the hollow ache burrowed deep inside your ribs was something you could sleep through, survive, erase.

you nodded again — smaller this time, more broken — and he laughed under his breath, a soft, almost fond sound, as if your ruin was something beautiful to him, something he treasured. he dragged the tip of his nose along the line of your jaw, a featherlight touch that barely registered except for the way it sent molten heat spilling through every nerve ending, searing a path through your veins so complete it left you dizzy.

"your head’s too full," he said, voice low and rough with amusement, the faintest curl of a smile in the shape of his mouth as he leaned in, dragging his nose along the line of your jaw, breathing you in like he had all the time in the world to dismantle you piece by trembling piece. 

"always worrying. always thinking too much."

he tilted your face toward him with two fingers beneath your chin, the pressure gentle but commanding, offering no choice but to follow, to yield, to surrender. when your eyes met his — those dark, endless eyes that had seen every broken part of you and claimed them without hesitation — everything else, every question, every fracture splintering inside your chest, every lingering thread of doubt, disintegrated into ash.

there was nothing left now but him — the unbearable weight of his gaze tethering you in place, the searing heat of his body folding around you, the slow, relentless pull of him drawing you deeper under, down, down into the dark waters of him where you could finally be quiet, finally be still.

"let me fix it for you," he murmured against your throat, his breath hot and damp against your racing pulse, and you shivered, folding into him without hesitation, letting him pull you against him, letting him press you down until you could feel every slow, deliberate thud of his heartbeat against your body like a brand as he pulled you in for a kiss.

his mouth moved against yours with a kind of slow, merciless precision, drawing you deeper with every breath, every tilt of his head, every lazy drag of his fingers against your skin. the kiss wasn’t frantic or desperate — no, that would have implied urgency, panic, the chance of slipping through each other's fingers — but with eunseok, there was never the threat of leaving. he didn’t need to hold you tighter or kiss you harder to keep you here; he simply existed, steady and unshakable, and you crumbled naturally into the gravitational pull he exerted without effort, your heart bruising itself against the walls of your chest with every desperate beat, trying to keep up with the reality of him, the impossibility of him, the inevitability of him.

he coaxed you closer, deeper, his hand sliding from your throat to the curve of your waist, fitting you against him like you had been shaped solely for this purpose, his fingers pressing through the thin fabric of your sweater, branding their heat into your ribs, your hips, the low, aching hollow of your back. you let him guide you — you would have let him do anything — your body weightless against his, your mind blurring out into a haze of sensation and surrender, the taste of him thick on your tongue, the smell of smoke and sweat and rain soaking into your lungs until you couldn’t tell where he ended and you began.

when he finally pulled back, he didn’t move far; he stayed close enough that you could feel the soft exhale of his breath brushing your cheeks, the curve of his smirk ghosting against your jaw. his eyes, dark and molten in the low light, traced your face like he was reading something there that even you couldn’t see, something he had written into you long ago when he first placed his hands on your breaking pieces and decided he would be the one to rearrange them as he pleased.

you stared up at him, dazed and desperate, your fingers curling into the soft cotton of his t-shirt like you could anchor yourself there, like holding onto him would keep the rest of the world from falling away. the silence between you was a living thing, pulsing with every skipped heartbeat, every shaky breath you took, and you clung to it, clung to him, because it was better than the vast, gnawing emptiness that waited for you when he wasn’t here.

he brushed his knuckles lazily along your jaw again, a featherlight touch that made your heart stutter, and the look he gave you was almost soft, almost tender, but you knew better by now — you knew it was a softness that demanded obedience, a tenderness that existed only as long as you bent yourself to it without question.

the bitter taste of his absence still clung to the back of your throat, the memory of empty nights and unanswered calls, the gnawing fear that he had found someone else, someone easier, someone newer, but when he touched you like this — when he looked at you like you were the only thing in the room that mattered — all of that ugliness sank back into the pit of your stomach where it belonged, swallowed down by the simple, brutal need to stay close enough to him that you could keep breathing.

he knew it too — could see it in the way you leaned into every touch, every glance, could feel it in the tremble of your hands, the stutter of your breath — and he smiled, slow and satisfied.

his hands found you everywhere at once, rough and certain, sliding up the delicate curve of your back, tracing the trembling line of your ribs, dragging along the sensitive dip of your waist until your body felt feverish under the weight of his touch, your skin prickling and shivering as though it didn’t know whether to flee or melt entirely into him. he mapped you slowly, deliberately, pulling desperate sounds from your lips with nothing more than the press of his thumbs into your hips, the drag of his mouth against the fluttering, frantic pulse in your throat, the rough, possessive way his fingers curled into the flesh of your thighs to guide you exactly where he wanted you.

and you followed without hesitation, without thought, your body moving to the rhythm he set, grinding down against the hard, aching heat of him with slow, broken circles that made the edges of the world soften and blur, until the apartment, the city, the entire universe outside the worn fabric of the couch and the steady, devastating roll of his hips ceased to exist. your vision glazed at the edges, turning hazy and golden under the dim light, and your fingers, clumsy and desperate, clung to his shoulders, dragging blunt nails across the sharp cut of his muscles as you chased something that felt too big, too consuming to name.

the sounds he drew from you — soft, shattered, pleading — only made his hands rougher, his mouth heavier, as if your unraveling fed something inside him, something hungry and cruel and deeply satisfied, something that only bloomed larger the more you broke yourself open across his lap. he kissed you like he was claiming territory, slow and deep and merciless, bruising your mouth with the steady, lazy confidence of someone who knew you had nowhere else to go, nowhere else you wanted to be.

eunseok pulled back, leaving you gasping, a slick strand of spit still connecting your mouths for a split second before it broke and fell against your chin. you shivered. he watched you with a sharp, unblinking gaze, thumb dragging over your bottom lip, smearing the mess he made as if proud of it.

his hands were slow when they touched you — devastatingly slow — dragging over the bare expanse of your body with a reverence that bordered on cruel, tracing every inch of exposed skin as if he had all the time in the world, as if the need clawing its way through you could wait, could be stretched and sharpened until you were trembling on the edge of something unbearable. his fingertips ghosted down the curve of your ribs, the tender slope of your waist, mapping you with lazy precision, each careful pass leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake, and when he finally stopped at the thin, soaked barrier of your panties, it felt less like mercy and more like a promise of just how thoroughly he intended to ruin you.

he lifted his gaze then, dark and heavy, and it struck you harder than the slow drag of his hands ever could — the way he looked at you, pupils blown wide, jaw slack with barely contained hunger, a kind of stunned, possessive awe that stole the breath straight from your lungs and made your thighs clench involuntarily around nothing. he noticed, of course he noticed, and his mouth curved into a slow, devastating smile as he watched the tiny, instinctive roll of your hips, the silent plea you didn’t even know you were making.

"impatient," he said under his breath, the word rolling off his tongue with an almost fond exasperation, as if your desperation was something he found sweet, amusing, utterly expected.

you tried to respond, to form words, but your mouth was dry, your mind fogged beyond reason, reduced to the frantic, thoughtless tilt of your hips, begging without sound, without pride, for him to give you something, anything. he chuckled lowly, the sound vibrating through your skin as he leaned closer, one hand smoothing up your trembling thigh, thumb stroking slow, lazy circles dangerously close to where you needed him most but never quite touching, never quite giving in, drawing your suffering out with a patience that bordered on sadistic.

"fuck," he muttered, voice low and ragged, his eyes dragging shamelessly over you as if he couldn’t decide where to touch first, as if he wanted to devour you whole. with an infuriating gentleness, he hooked a finger around the edge of your panties, dragging them aside with a slow, practiced ease that made your breath catch, baring you to him completely, exposing the soft, glistening mess you had already become for him.

he exhaled sharply through his nose, the sound half disbelief, half triumph, and then his fingers found you, the barest, cruelest stroke down the seam of you, light enough to make your hips jerk helplessly against his hand.

"so wet for me," he whispered, voice thick with something dangerously close to reverence, dragging two fingers through the slick gathering at your core, spreading it with slow, deliberate strokes that made your thighs tremble and your hands scrabble uselessly at the sheets beneath you.

"you don't even know what you do to me."

your hips bucked again, desperate and broken, but he only chuckled, low and sinful, savoring the way you chased his touch, the way you offered yourself up to him without hesitation, without pride, without anything but the raw, consuming need to be filled, to be claimed, to be his.

"needy little thing," he murmured, dragging soft, devastating circles over your clit now, just enough pressure to make you whimper, just enough friction to make your toes curl and your stomach clench, but never enough, never quite what you needed.

"please," you gasped, the word torn from you without thought, without dignity, your voice breaking embarrassingly easy under the slow, patient torture he was inflicting, but you didn’t care — you couldn’t care, not when he was looking at you like that, not when the heat of him was the only thing keeping you tethered to this moment, to this world.

he pressed a slow kiss to the inside of your thigh, right over your racing pulse, the soft scrape of his teeth making your whole body shudder, and when he finally  slipped a finger inside you, the slow, deliberate stretch of it made you gasp, made your back arch helplessly off the mattress, made your nails dig into the worn fabric beneath you.

he groaned under his breath, a low, rough sound of satisfaction as your walls fluttered helplessly around him, and he dropped his forehead to your hipbone like he needed the contact, like it was costing him something to keep from tearing you apart with his mouth, with his hands, with the sheer depth of his hunger for you.

"so good," he rasped, his voice fraying at the edges, rough and thick with want, "always so good for me."

your hands, trembling and clumsy, found their way to his hair, threading through the damp strands, holding on like you were afraid the ground might open beneath you if you let go. you rocked your hips into his hand, chasing the slow, thick pump of his fingers as he worked you open with an agonizing, deliberate patience, coaxing every trembling, gasping plea from your lips without saying a single word.

when he heard the soft, broken whimper that slipped free, he added a second finger, scissoring them gently, curling them deep inside you in slow, devastating strokes that had you crying out, back bowing off the bed as your body clung desperately to the thick, deliberate stretch of him.

he watched you with dark, heavy-lidded eyes, drinking in every twitch, every gasp, every helpless roll of your hips like he was memorizing the sight of you falling apart for him, his free hand smoothing over your stomach, your waist, grounding you even as he unraveled you completely.

"there you go," he murmured, voice thick with satisfaction, lips brushing the trembling skin of your stomach, “stop thinking so much. just feel me.”

he didn’t rush. he didn’t demand. he gave you everything — slow, deep, devastating — dragging his fingers in relentless, rhythmic strokes along the sensitive, swollen spot inside you that had your whole body tightening, your lungs seizing uselessly against the rising pressure coiling low in your stomach. 

“there it is.”

every touch, every curl of his fingers, every whispered murmur against your fevered skin wound you tighter and tighter, until the world around you blurred into a haze of heat and static, the heavy press of his body and the low rasp of his voice the only anchors keeping you from floating apart entirely.

“e-eunseok.”

you could feel it building, feel yourself getting closer to the edge with every slow pump of his hand, every precise roll of his wrist, the tension inside you stretched so taut it felt like it might snap from nothing more than the soft, sinful brush of his breath against your ribs. your fingers dug into his hair, into his shoulders, desperate for something to hold onto as your hips bucked helplessly against him, chasing the unbearable friction, the searing pleasure he fed you in devastating, measured strokes.

“s-so s-so good.”

"that's it, baby," he whispered against your stomach, the words spilling molten into your skin, "you're so close. just let go for me. cum for me baby.”

the sound of his voice, the thick, possessive roughness of it, broke something loose inside you, and when he crooked his fingers just right, dragging them over that devastating spot deep inside you again and again, you came.

your orgasm ripped through you, sudden and violent, your whole body seizing and trembling around him, your head thrown back against the pillows, your mouth falling open in a gasp so raw and wrecked it didn’t even sound human. your vision whited out, your muscles locking and then spasming helplessly as the pleasure crashed over you in heavy, brutal waves, each one stronger than the last, dragging you under until you didn’t know where you ended and he began.

you sobbed his name, broken and breathless, your hips jerking helplessly against his hand, chasing every last pulse of the orgasm that shook you apart at the seams, your body clenching and spasming around his fingers like it didn’t know how to let him go, like it never wanted to.

he groaned low in his chest, the sound reverent and rough, and you could feel the tremble in his hand as he worked you through it, dragging you higher and higher until your whole body was a livewire, nerves sparking and burning under your skin, feebly pushing at his wrist.

he didn’t pull away until your thighs stopped shaking, until your breathing evened out into shallow, broken gasps, until you slumped bonelessly against the mattress, dazed and trembling and utterly wrecked.

only then did he slip his fingers free, slow and careful, dragging them one last time through the mess he had made of you, collecting everything like it was something precious, something he couldn’t bear to waste. he sat back on his heels, his chest heaving, his lips parted slightly as he stared down at you — ruined, beautiful, his — and without breaking eye contact, he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean with slow, decadent sweeps of his tongue, tasting you with a satisfied hum that made your stomach clench helplessly even through the lingering aftershocks.

you watched him through heavy, half-lidded eyes, your chest still fluttering with the afterglow, your body sinking deeper into the mattress, pliant and weightless, the edges of the world soft and blurred.

your body was still trembling from the aftershocks when you felt his hands again — rough and sure, sliding up your sides with a touch so reverent it made your already oversensitized skin shiver anew, dragging his palms slowly, almost worshipfully, over the curve of your waist, the trembling rise and fall of your ribs. eunseok didn’t speak at first; he simply looked at you, breathing hard, his dark eyes devouring every inch of your wrecked, blissed-out form like he wanted to carve the sight into his memory, to brand it somewhere deep inside himself so he could summon it whenever he needed to remind himself of what he did to you, what you became under his hands.

"so fuckin' pretty when you cum for me," he muttered finally, voice low and rough, more a thought escaping his lips than a confession meant for you, but the words seared into you all the same, making your heart kick painfully against your ribs, making the aftershocks of your orgasm ripple fresh down your spine.

you whimpered softly, reaching for him with trembling arms, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, tugging him closer, needing him, needing more, needing everything he had to give. he answered you without hesitation, stripping you with a slow, deliberate pull, peeling your shirt from your body and tossing it aside without a glance. his own clothes followed — the fabric sliding off broad, golden shoulders that seemed carved from shadow and light — and then there was nothing between you but skin and sweat and the unbearable heat of everything you had yet to give each other.

he pressed against you again, the weight of him delicious and overwhelming, his forehead dropping to yours as he guided himself between your trembling thighs, his cock heavy and thick in his hand as he stroked himself lazily, the head dragging slow and wet against your still-aching folds. the slow drag of it had your whole body jerking, helpless and oversensitive, a soft, wrecked sob escaping your lips before you could even think to swallow it down.

"gonna fuck all the bad thoughts outta that pretty little head of yours," he whispered, his voice so low, so wrecked, that it barely sounded like words at all, more like a prayer breathed directly into your skin.

you bucked your hips instinctively, greedy for him, desperate in a way that felt too big for your body to contain, but he only chuckled against your mouth — low and dark and amused — dragging the leaking head of his cock through your slick, tapping lightly against your clit just to feel the way your body seized and whimpered beneath him, chasing every cruel, careful tease he gave.

"needy baby," he murmured against your lips, smirking against the soft, broken noises you couldn't stop making, "tell me how much you need me pretty.."

your body throbbed with need, your mind reduced to little more than static and desperate, shivering longing, but even so you found the words, dragging them up from somewhere deep and broken inside you, trembling and wrecked and perfect for him.

"please, eunseok," you gasped, voice thin and breathless against the weight of him, "need you so bad, just — please —"

whatever restraint he had been clinging to shattered at the sound of you begging, your voice so raw, so achingly sweet, so completely his. he groaned low in his chest, rough and broken, and then he was moving, strong hands gripping your thighs, pushing you open wider for him, holding you down like he was afraid you might disappear if he didn’t anchor you in place.

he lined himself up with agonizing care, the thick, leaking head of his cock nudging against your entrance, and for a moment he just stayed there, breathing heavy against your mouth, his forehead pressed to yours, his whole body trembling with the effort of not losing control.

and then he pressed in, slow and devastating, inch by inch, stretching you open until you felt impossibly full, until your breath caught sharp in your throat and your nails dug into the broad, muscled span of his shoulders, clinging to him like you might fall apart entirely without something to hold onto.

your moan broke ragged from your lips at the same time as his deep, guttural groan filled the small space between your bodies, his face burying against the curve of your neck like he needed to hide, like it was too much even for him.

"fuck, baby," he hissed, voice tight and strained, trembling with the raw, visceral effort of sinking into you, of holding himself together when everything inside him was begging to let go, to take, to ruin.

your back arched instinctively, offering yourself up to him, wrapping your legs around his waist to drag him deeper, your arms tightening around his neck, nails scraping down the taut muscles of his back as he bottomed out with one slow, deliberate thrust that left you both gasping, shuddering, pressed together like two halves of a broken thing finally made whole.

your body clutched at him helplessly, clenching and fluttering around the thick stretch of him, still so sensitive, so raw, that it made your vision blur and your throat catch on a sob. eunseok cursed under his breath again, low and reverent, the sound bleeding into your skin as he held himself there, shaking with the effort to stay still, to savor the way you gripped him like you never wanted to let him go.

“so full, so full seokie.”

you clung to him without thinking, your arms wrapping around his neck, fingers threading into the dark, damp strands of his hair, your chest pressed tight against his as you chased the friction, the heat, the unbearable sweetness of the slow, grinding pace he set. the silver chain around his neck swung gently with every movement, catching the dim light as it dangled just above your face, glinting with each slow, measured roll of his hips, until the sight of it became hypnotic, the rhythm of it, the slow swing and catch of the small star resting against the hard line of his collarbone, pulling you deeper under his spell.

his bare shoulders flexed beneath your grasp, solid and grounding, and you tightened your grip instinctively, anchoring yourself to him as the world around you dissolved into a soft, indistinct hum, every nerve in your body lighting up under the slow, brutal, beautiful drag of his hands and mouth. he pressed his forehead to yours for a moment, breathing you in, and you could feel the slow, steady thud of his heart where your chests touched, could feel the heat radiating off him in thick, dizzying waves, seeping into your skin until you thought you might never be able to breathe air that wasn’t him again.

the rhythm he set was torturous, deliberate, his hands squeezing your hips with every slow rock of your bodies, pulling soft, broken sounds from you that you couldn’t have contained even if you tried. your vision blurred at the edges, your mind slipping loose from its moorings as the pleasure built, relentless and all-consuming, drowning out everything but the heat of his skin against yours, the rasp of his breath in your ear, the low, rumbling sound he made when you whimpered against his throat.

"that's it," he murmured, voice rough with satisfaction, dragging his mouth along the curve of your jaw, down the trembling line of your throat, "such a good girl. my good girl. just take it."

his words, soft and thick with possession, melted into your skin, seeped down into the raw, trembling core of you, as you nodded frantically, mindless, words dissolving into desperate little noises against his skin, clutching at him with frantic, clawing hands, chasing the release he held just out of reach, begging without even realizing it, every broken sob and trembling gasp a prayer you didn’t know how to form.

you buried your face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in like oxygen, clinging tighter to the hard line of his shoulders, and the low, broken whimper that tore from your throat when he dragged his hands up your spine was so raw, so wrecked, you didn’t even recognize it as your own.

"you feel that, baby?" he rasped, voice fraying at the edges, breaking against the soft, wet sounds of your skin as he continued to thrust into you, over and over again. "feel how good your pussy feels around me? made for me. just for me."

your whole body lit up at the words, the filthy reverence of them searing straight to the hollow ache deep inside you, the place only he could reach, only he had ever been able to fill. the pleasure built fast and brutal under the steady, punishing rhythm he had now set, dragging you closer and closer to the edge with every deep, devastating thrust, until you were nothing but heat and sound and frantic, gasping need, until your hands slipped from his shoulders to his neck, clinging there like a drowning thing, like if you held on tight enough he might pull you free of yourself, of everything.

“cumming, fuck-”

you sobbed something that might have been his name, might have been a plea, but it didn’t matter — not when he was already answering you, giving you another orgasm as he thrust into you deeper, harder, making the world spin, making everything but him fade into nothing.

you gave yourself to him completely — mind, body, soul — because there was no part of you that didn’t belong to him already, no piece he hadn’t claimed, broken, and rebuilt in his image.

you barely had time to catch your breath, your body still twitching from the orgasm he had just ripped from you, walls fluttering weakly around the thick length of him still buried inside you, when eunseok shifted his weight and dragged you closer with both hands, rough palms wrapping around your hips like he was afraid you might slip away if he didn’t hold you down.

"not done yet, baby," he murmured against your temple, his voice dark and sweet and heavy with the kind of promise that made your heart kick painfully against your ribs, made your whole body tighten helplessly around him in anticipation, in fear, in desperate, mindless need.

you whimpered, a soft, broken sound that shuddered from your throat before you could stop it, and you felt the slow, wicked curve of his smile against your skin, the way his pleasure at your weakness rolled off him in thick, lazy waves.

he pulled out slowly, just enough for you to feel the awful, aching emptiness he left behind, the stretch of your body clenching uselessly around nothing — and then he slammed back in without warning, a brutal, deep thrust that punched the air from your lungs, arching your back off the bed in a helpless, spasming jolt.

the sound you made wasn’t even a cry — it was a soft, shattered thing, a breathless gasp torn from your chest as he set a ruthless, punishing pace, dragging you up the bed with every hard, devastating thrust, his body a steady, unrelenting weight pinning you down.

your mind blurred at the edges almost immediately, the overstimulation washing over you in thick, dizzying waves, making it impossible to think, to breathe, to do anything except feel him — feel the brutal, insistent drag of his cock, the heavy heat of his body crashing into yours again and again, the way your skin burned everywhere he touched you.

"there she is," eunseok cooed, low and breathless, dragging his thumb across your cheekbone to smear away the hot, wet tears you hadn’t even realized were falling, his voice soft and almost tender, a cruel contrast to the vicious rhythm of his hips.

"so pretty when you cry for me," he murmured, his thumb brushing lower to trace across your trembling bottom lip, catching it between his fingers with a reverence that made your heart break a little more, that made your body clench tighter around him in helpless, desperate worship.

"all fucked-out and dumb already..." he breathed, voice full of amusement and something darker, something possessive and raw, "and i’m not even close to done with you yet."

you sobbed something against his shoulder — you didn’t even know what, didn’t care what — but he only shushed you softly, cradling your face between his palms like you were something fragile and precious even as he drove into you harder, deeper, chasing something bigger, something hungrier, something that had been simmering just beneath his skin since the moment he touched you.

your mind was slipping fast, slipping under, the overstimulation dragging you deeper with every punishing thrust, every broken praise whispered into your ear, every cruel, sweet word he wrapped around your heart and your body and your mind like chains you had no hope of breaking.

the world narrowed until it was only him — the slow, devastating stretch of him filling you over and over again, the blistering heat of his skin burning into yours, the slick, obscene sounds of your bodies meeting in frantic, punishing rhythm, the thick, dark scent of him clinging to every breath you dragged into your lungs.

and maybe it was always supposed to be like this. maybe you were always supposed to belong to him like this — wrecked, sobbing, mindless with need, body trembling and open and his.

he kissed the corner of your mouth then, soft and almost reverent, his lips dragging slow and tender across your skin even as he ground deeper, harder inside you, making your toes curl and your vision blur and your whole world fracture around the slow, brutal rhythm he set.

"gonna fuck all those worries away, angel," he rasped, voice cracking on a low, guttural groan when your walls fluttered around him again, clenching tight in a desperate, helpless attempt to hold onto him, to keep him buried deep where you needed him most. "til you’re only thinking about me. nothing else. just me."

you nodded, weakly, blindly, your mind already gone, already emptying out under him, desperate to give him everything he asked for, everything he demanded, desperate to lose yourself in him completely.

he moved inside you with a rhythm that felt designed to tear you apart and rebuild you all at once, slow and devastating, every deliberate drag of him pulling a fresh, trembling gasp from your lips, every measured thrust grinding into the deepest, most vulnerable parts of you like he was carving his name into the hollow places no one else had ever reached.

your body, still wrecked and trembling from the aftershocks of your earlier orgasm, clenched helplessly around him, desperate and overwhelmed, and it only seemed to spur him on — the way you gasped against his mouth, the way your nails dug into the slick heat of his skin, the way your whole body bowed into him without thought, without pride, without anything but the desperate need to keep him inside you.

the world outside of him blurred, softened, disintegrated, until there was nothing left but the slow, wet sound of your bodies moving together, the low rasp of his breath spilling across your flushed skin, the sharp sting of his teeth catching at the delicate curve of your jaw between gasps of your name.

his cock dragged against every trembling, sensitive part of you, setting you alight from the inside out, slow and merciless, and you felt yourself dissolving under him, your vision glazing at the edges, your limbs going boneless and weightless as the slow, brutal pleasure hollowed you out, leaving you empty and raw and aching for more, for him, for everything he was willing to give and everything he wasn’t.

the soft, breathless sounds slipping from both your lips blurred into a shared rhythm, a quiet, desperate symphony that drowned out the world, reduced it to the slick, relentless slide of him inside you, the heat of his hands shaping your hips, the heavy, broken murmurs of praise and possession breathed directly into your skin.

your mind, already fragile and battered, sank deeper under the weight of him, spiraling down into something warm and thick and golden, a place where the only thing that mattered was the slow grind of his cock, the way he filled you so perfectly you could feel him in your throat, the way his body caged you in so completely you couldn’t tell where your heartbeat ended and his began.

"that’s it," he murmured, voice rough and reverent against your ear, "just like that, baby. give it to me. let me have it."

you floated somewhere just beneath the surface of yourself, too far gone to fight it, too desperate to want to, your mind reduced to a haze of heat and need and the overwhelming, singular knowledge of him — his hands, his mouth, his voice, the brutal sweetness of his cock dragging slow and thick inside you, grinding you open again and again until you were gasping, crying, sobbing into his neck without even realizing it.

he swallowed every broken noise you made, dragging his mouth across your damp, flushed skin, murmuring low, wrecked words against the shell of your ear, promises you couldn’t hear over the blood rushing in your ears but felt sinking into your bones anyway, branding you from the inside out.

"so good for me," he rasped, and you keened at the praise, your whole body arching into him instinctively, chasing the slow, devastating grind of his hips like a flower seeking the sun. "so fucking perfect."

your arms tightened around his neck, your legs trembling where they wrapped around his waist, and you clung to him blindly, breath hitching in time with every slow, brutal thrust, your whole world reduced to the molten friction where your bodies joined, the dizzying heat of his skin, the low, rough sounds spilling from his throat every time you clenched down around him.

you didn’t realize you were crying until you tasted salt on your lips, didn’t realize you were chanting his name under your breath like a prayer until he groaned low in his chest, the sound raw and wrecked and unbearably sweet.

your walls fluttered around him helplessly, spasming in broken, rhythmic pulses that made his breath hitch, made him hiss through his teeth as he fought to hold himself back, to savor every moment of you falling apart beneath him.

he leaned in closer, the star at his throat brushing lightly against your chest, cool and sharp against the feverish heat of your skin, and you whimpered at the intimacy, at the weight of him above you, around you, inside you, suffocating you sweetly until there was no room for anything else, no room for fear or loneliness or doubt — only him.

you could feel every inch of him, thick and hot and throbbing inside you, dragging against every tender, aching spot with every slow, relentless grind of his hips, and when he kissed you — slow and deep and consuming — it stole the last of your breath, the last of your sanity, the last fragile pieces of yourself you hadn’t already given him.

"don’t fight it," he whispered against your lips, voice thick with lust and something softer, something devastatingly tender that made your heart fracture in your chest. "let go for me, angel. wanna feel you fall apart all over me."

his words pulled a broken, wrecked sob from your lips, and your walls fluttered around him again, clenching so tightly it dragged a rough, wrecked groan from deep in his chest, his rhythm faltering for a moment before he caught himself, before he forced himself to slow down again, to draw it out, to make you feel every devastating second of it.

his hands roamed down your trembling body, slow and deliberate, smoothing over your waist, your hips, your thighs, his thumbs tracing soft circles into your feverish skin, grounding you even as he pushed you closer to the edge, coaxing the pleasure higher and higher until it felt like your body was singing with it, burning alive with it, every nerve ending alight with him.

your toes curled, your legs trembling around his waist, your nails biting helplessly into the broad, slick planes of his back as you tried to hold on, tried to anchor yourself against the storm he was pulling from you, but there was nothing to hold onto — nothing but him.

your body spasmed again, fluttering around him so sweetly, so brokenly, that he gasped softly against your mouth, his hands tightening on your hips, forcing you to take every slow, thick inch of him, every slow, devastating grind that set your nerves alight.

he pulled back just enough to see you — to really see you — and the awe in his expression, the raw, naked hunger, the trembling reverence, made your heart splinter into a million pieces.

"look at you," he whispered, voice rough and thick with something almost like wonder, thumbing away another tear as you cried out brokenly beneath him, your hips canting up instinctively to meet his, to take him deeper, to keep him inside you forever. "look how pretty you are when you’re falling apart for me."

his hips stuttered slightly, driven by the way your body clung to him, but he forced himself to slow again, to savor it, to worship you through the unraveling, to hold you through the breaking.

you whimpered, high and broken, your voice a thin, wrecked thread of sound, hips bucking desperately beneath him, seeking, needing, begging without words, and he kissed you again, swallowing your cries, his mouth claiming every broken sound you made as if it belonged to him.

and when he shifted his hips just right, when the thick drag of him hit that perfect, devastating angle, when his thumb found your clit and rubbed slow, cruel, perfect circles — you felt yourself coming undone again.

the pleasure crashed into you like a tidal wave — slow at first, overwhelming, pulling you under, making you claw helplessly at his back, his neck, anything you could reach — and then it shattered all at once, detonating inside you so violently it left you sobbing against his mouth, left your back arching off the bed, left your thighs clamping around his waist and your whole body convulsing in helpless, wrecked spasms around him.

your orgasm tore through you endlessly, one brutal wave rolling into another, and it knocked the breath from your lungs, left you weightless, boneless, floating in the devastating aftermath, lost completely to him.

eunseok never stopped moving, never let up, fucking you through it with slow, relentless thrusts that kept the pleasure rolling through you until you couldn’t tell where one wave ended and another began, until you were sobbing for him, gasping for him, mindless and broken in his arms.

his name was the only thing left on your tongue, the only thing left in your mind, as you clung to him helplessly, nails digging into his skin, your body trembling and shivering and wrecked against him.

and when he finally came — hot and thick and deep inside you — he groaned your name like a broken prayer, like you were the only thing anchoring him to this earth, and he stayed there, pressed to you, breathing you in like he needed you to survive, his heart pounding against yours like a promise he would never say out loud.

you loved him so much it hurt, so much it eclipsed every other thought, every other need, until there was nothing left of you but this — this slow, desperate worship, this blind, trembling devotion, this aching need to be his, to be good for him, to be ruined by him again and again until there was nothing left but the pieces he chose to keep.

because you remembered the first night you met him, when you had been nothing but a hollow shell of a girl, stumbling drunk and numb through a city that didn’t care if you lived or died, when you had stood on the edge of something sharp and final, ready to fall just to feel something one last time — and he had found you there, laughing low and easy as he pulled you back from the brink with nothing more than a crooked smile and a hand offered without judgment, without pity.

you had been drowning, and he had taught you how to breathe again — not with kindness, not with softness, but with fire and hunger and the ruthless certainty that someone like you didn’t belong to the void you had been chasing.

you belonged to him.

and maybe that was why, even now — even after the absences and the doubts, even after the nights spent curled in on yourself, clutching the ache in your chest like a wound that would never close — you still looked at him like salvation, still felt your heart rise and break and rise again just at the sight of him, still believed with a kind of mad, desperate certainty that as long as he kept coming back, you could survive anything.

the bad days would always come — you knew that — the silences, the loneliness, the quiet little deaths you died waiting for him to remember you again, but none of it mattered. none of it ever really mattered.

because eunseok had saved you once, and you knew — you would always know — that you would rather be broken in his hands than whole in anyone else's.

because at the end of the day, you weren’t a girl anymore, you were a shrine, built in his image, burning quietly at the altar of your own undoing and you would worship him until there was nothing left.

only the faint, stubborn light of your devotion, flickering in the dark long after he was gone.

his lonely star.

[loveanton]

honestly | song eunseok

⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: you always thought that jung sungchan would forever be a part of your life, never once imagining a world where the two of you didn't speak let alone get along. now, three months have come to pass since you last spoke to the man you once thought you’d marry and you're starting to become content with the idea that maybe your world doesn't have to revolve around jung sungchan after all.

❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: eunseok x f!reader ft sungchan

❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: friends to almost lovers!au

❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 8.7k

⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: lots of kissing, drinking, eunseok and sungchan almost fight, they shower together, nipple sucking, slight choking, arguing between the reader and eunseok, this is more suggestive than pt 1.

⏤ 𝑎/n: this is a pt 2 to everything i didn’t say which you can find here!

You giggle as you sneak another spoonful of Eunseok's ice cream, your eyes twinkling with mischief. He tries to push you away gently, laughing.

"Hey, get your own!" He giggles. Despite his playful resistance, he relents, offering you another bite. You grin, accepting the spoonful with a delighted hum.

Beomgyu watches the two of you, shaking his head with a grin. "Eunseok, you my friend, are so whipped."

Karina nudges him with her elbow. "Shut up, Beomgyu. They're cute together."

It's a warm evening, and the group of you—Jake, Anton, Beomgyu, Yujin, and Karina—are seated at a booth inside the ice cream parlor, enjoying the summer night. The conversation flows easily, punctuated by laughter and the occasional jibe.

As you savor the stolen bite of Eunseok’s soft serve, your thoughts drift back over the past few months. It's hard to believe it's been three months since you last spoke to Sungchan, the man you imagined marrying. You never thought a world where the two of you didn't speak, let alone didn't get along, could ever exist. But here you are, beginning to accept that maybe your world doesn't have to revolve around Sungchan after all.

These three months have been a period of self-discovery and healing. You’ve spent time figuring out who you are apart from Sungchan. The first few weeks were the hardest. The memories of him were everywhere, and it felt like a part of you was missing. But slowly, you began to find solace in new routines and new friendships. Eunseok and his friends became your anchor. They took you in, and their warmth and kindness made the pain of Sungchan’s absence bearable.

For too long all you ever knew was Sungchan, ending the toxicity that had become your friendship has been doing you good. Karina and Yujin took you under their wing and treated you as a sister, often coming over to your dorm for sleepovers and staying up late to listen to you vent about how hurt you were. Jake, Anton and Jake also became like brothers, for too long you only ever had Sungchan to depend on. It’s so refreshing having other guys in your life who add to it in such a positive way. They don’t leave you in a state of confusion or go out of their way to intentionally hurt you, they constantly love on you and do what they can to make sure you feel that love.

Eunseok, especially, had been your rock. He was always there when the memories got too overwhelming, offering a shoulder to cry on. He made you laugh when the stress of classes was too much and was there to celebrate your small victories. Most importantly, he loved you in a way you wished Sungchan had.

A week ago, Eunseok had asked you out, and without hesitation, you had accepted. Since then, things have been going great. You feel lighter, happier, and more yourself than you have in a long time.

Returning to the present, you smile as Eunseok offers you another bite of his ice cream, his eyes soft with affection. "You know, I think you like my ice cream more than your own," he says, his tone playful.

You shrug, leaning in to accept the spoonful. "Maybe I just like you more," you reply with a wink.

He chuckles and leans in to kiss your cheek, but just as his lips brush your skin, the door to the ice cream parlor opens. Your heart skips a beat as Sungchan walks in, accompanied by Shotaro and Wonbin.

Your eyes meet Sungchan’s, and for a moment, time seems to stand still. Sungchan’s expression is a mix of surprise and something else – a flicker of jealousy. He sees you with Eunseok, the way you’re so comfortable and happy together, and it’s clear that it affects him. His roommate is now the person holding you, the one who makes you smile.

You feel a pang of sadness at the sight of Sungchan. You were once so close, but now you’re strangers. The realization of how much has changed is bittersweet. Yet, beneath the sadness, there is a sense of satisfaction.

Sungchan and his friends approach the counter to order, and you can’t help but steal glances in his direction. It’s strange to see him like this, to be so close yet feel so distant. Part of you wants to go over and talk to him, to bridge the gap that’s grown between you. But another part of you feels smug, enjoying the way Eunseok holds you and the way Sungchan seems to react to it.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Eunseok asks quietly, noticing your distraction.

You shake your head. “No, I’m okay. Let’s stay.”

He nods and squeezes your hand, giving you a reassuring smile. Your group continues their light-hearted banter, trying to maintain the cheerful atmosphere despite the tension that has entered the room.

You can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. Seeing Sungchan again stirs up old memories and feelings, but you also feel a sense of pride in your new relationship. Eunseok has been everything you needed and more, and you’re grateful for his unwavering support and love.

Sungchan and his friends walk over to your group, their expressions casual but their presence adding a palpable tension. Anton looks up, a forced smile on his face as he greets them. "Hey, Sungchan, Shotaro, Wonbin."

"Hey, Anton," Sungchan replies, his eyes flickering towards you and Eunseok before quickly looking away.

The rest of your friends exchange wary glances, not particularly pleased to see Sungchan and his entourage. However, they tolerate his presence due to Anton's connection with him through the swim team. Anton shifts uncomfortably before reluctantly asking, "Do you guys want to join us?"

Eunseok’s grip on you tightens slightly, his protective side showing. You can feel his unease, and you lean into him, offering silent support. Sungchan and his friends agree, pulling up chairs to join your booth. The atmosphere shifts, becoming awkward and tense.

Sungchan attempts to break the silence with small talk. "So, how’s everyone been?"

Karina doesn’t hide her disdain, her tone sharp. "Better, now that we don’t have any toxic people around."

Jake snickers at her comment, leaning back in his chair. "Play nice, Karina."

Sungchan brushes off the remark, forcing a smile. "It’s good to see you too, Karina."

The tension is almost tangible as you all sit together, the easy camaraderie from earlier now strained. Wonbin, trying to lighten the mood, chimes in, "Hey, we were thinking of going to a rave tonight. You guys interested?"

Your friends exchange uncertain looks. They seem reluctant, knowing that you and Eunseok might not be keen on the idea, especially with Sungchan present. Eunseok speaks up, his voice calm but firm. "Actually, we have plans for tonight. We’re going on a date."

Sungchan’s eyes flicker with a mixture of emotions – jealousy, regret, and something else you can’t quite place. He stares at you and Eunseok, his discomfort evident. The group remains silent for a moment before Beomgyu breaks it, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Will Yuri be there?"

Sungchan’s expression hardens slightly. "No, we’ve broken up, so I doubt it."

You and Eunseok share a look but don’t comment. The dynamics of your friend group have shifted so much in the past months, and seeing Sungchan now feels like looking at a stranger. Despite the tension, there’s a sense of closure in knowing you’ve moved on to something healthier and more fulfilling.

Eunseok glances at his watch, then at you. "We should probably get going. We have to head to the trampoline park."

The mention of your date brings a soft smile to your lips. "Yeah, we don’t want to be late."

Sungchan’s gaze lingers on you both, his jealousy more palpable now. He opens his mouth as if to say something but then closes it, swallowing his words. Anton tries to lighten the mood one last time. "Have fun, you two."

You and Eunseok gather your things, saying your goodbyes to the group. As you stand up to leave, Eunseok’s hand finds yours, his touch reassuring. You cast one last glance at Sungchan, noting the mix of emotions on his face – a stark contrast to the happiness you feel with Eunseok.

Outside, the sun is still blazing, but the air feels lighter. Eunseok looks at you, his eyes full of warmth and affection. "Are you okay?"

You nod, squeezing his hand. "I’m more than okay. I’m with you."

As you walk towards the trampoline park, the memories of Sungchan fade into the background. What matters now is the present – the love and happiness you’ve found with Eunseok and the new friendships that have become a significant part of your life.

When you arrive at the trampoline park, it’s a kaleidoscope of colors and motion, filled with laughter and the sound of bouncing springs. As you and Eunseok enter, you can’t help but feel a surge of excitement. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze, his smile infectious.

“You ready to jump?” he asks, his eyes twinkling.

You nod eagerly. “Absolutely.”

Eunseok pays for both your entrance fees and leads you towards the cubbies meant for your personal items. The two of you kick off your shoes and step onto the trampolines, the soft mats beneath your feet making you feel like you’re walking on clouds. With a playful grin, Eunseok starts bouncing, his movements light and effortless. You follow suit, giggling as you try to match his rhythm.

“Bet you can’t catch me!” you call out, jumping higher and moving to another trampoline.

“Oh, you’re on!” he replies, laughter bubbling up as he chases after you.

You both jump from one trampoline to the next, the exhilaration making your heart race. At one point, Eunseok reaches out and catches your hand, pulling you close as you both bounce together. The world around you blurs into a joyful whirlwind, and all you can focus on is the warmth of his hand in yours and the sound of his laughter.

After a while, you both decide to take a break. You find a spot to sit on the edge of the trampoline area, still holding hands. Your cheeks are flushed from the exercise and laughter, and you feel more alive than you have in a long time.

Eunseok looks at you, his expression softening. “This is fun. I’m glad we came here.”

“Me too,” you reply, leaning your head against his shoulder.

He hesitates for a moment, then takes a deep breath. “So, um… Sungchan.”

You tense slightly, but you knew this topic would come up sooner or later. You lift your head to meet his gaze, waiting for him to continue.

“His breakup with Yuri…” Eunseok says quietly. “I just… I want to make sure you’re okay. I know it’s a lot to process, and I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.”

You smile gently, appreciating his concern. “Eunseok, this doesn’t change anything for me. Sungchan and I… we had our time, and it’s over. I’m with you now, and I’m really happy with you. I want to build something new with you, not dwell on the past.”

Relief washes over Eunseok’s face, and he pulls you into a hug. “I’m so glad to hear that,” he murmurs into your hair. “You mean a lot to me, and I just want you to be happy.”

You pull back slightly, looking into his eyes. “Thank you, Eunseok. For everything. I don’t think I’ve said it enough these past three months, but thank you for being there for me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

His smile is warm and tender. “You don’t have to thank me. I care about you a lot, and I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

You feel a swell of emotion, and you lean in to kiss him softly. It’s a sweet, lingering kiss, full of promise and affection. When you pull away, you see nothing but love and happiness in his eyes.

“Let’s keep jumping,” you say with a grin, wanting to prolong this perfect moment.

Eunseok laughs and helps you to your feet. “Let’s do it.”

Hand in hand, you return to the trampolines, ready to lose yourselves in the joy of the present. The memories of Sungchan continue to fade into the background, replaced by the bright, new memories you’re creating with Eunseok.

The sun is high in the sky, casting a warm glow over Anton’s sprawling backyard. His house, the largest in your friend group, is the perfect setting for a summer pool party. The smell of barbecue wafts through the air, mingling with the sounds of laughter and splashing water.

You’re lying on a lounger, soaking up the sun with your eyes closed, enjoying the warmth on your skin. You can hear the cheerful chatter of your friends, the occasional burst of laughter, and the rhythmic splashes from the pool. Anton, ever the host, approaches, casting a shadow over you.

"Hey, are you just going to tan all day, or are you actually going to get in the pool?" Anton asks, grinning down at you.

You snort, opening one eye to look up at him. "No way. I just got my hair done."

Anton shakes his head, chuckling. "Loser," he teases before wandering off to join his swim team friends.

You laugh, watching him go. Anton’s always been the life of the party, effortlessly moving between groups and making everyone feel included. Your attention shifts as Eunseok emerges from the pool, water dripping from his hair and glistening on his toned body. He takes a seat beside you, leaning in to kiss you. You blush but indulge him, savoring the taste of his lips.

Ever since your first kiss at the trampoline park a week ago, the two of you haven’t been able to keep your hands off each other. It’s a constant source of amusement—and occasional irritation—for your friends.

"Seriously? Again?" Jake shouts in complaint from the pool, his voice dripping with mock indignation. "Get a room!"

Eunseok flips him off without breaking the kiss, making you giggle. He finally pulls back, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Come on, let’s get something to eat."

He takes your hand, helping you up from the lounger. As you walk towards the house, Beomgyu and Jake make exaggerated gagging noises.

"Anton, you better clean the sheets before your parents come back!" Beomgyu calls out, laughing.

"Use protection!" Jake adds, his tone playful.

Eunseok laughs and flips off the pair, yelling over his shoulder, “fuck off!”

Yujin, ever the voice of reason, rolls her eyes at them. "Will you two grow up and find someone to lay you so you can stop riding, ____’s dick."

Inside the house, the air is cooler, a welcome relief from the heat outside. You make your way to the kitchen, where a large fruit platter awaits. Sohee, your new friend from organic chemistry, is there, arranging more food. You’d convinced Anton to invite him, thinking he’d fit in well with the group. He greets the two of you as Eunseok starts plating different food for you. Sohee lets you know he’s going out to join Anton by the pool before waving goodbye.

Eunseok picks up a piece of fruit and holds it out to you. "Here, try this."

You take a bite, savoring the sweetness. "Mmm, it’s good."

He grins and leans in, kissing you right after you swallow the pineapple. The kiss deepens quickly, and before you know it, Eunseok has you cornered against the counter, his hands roaming your body as your mouths move together in a passionate dance.

Just then, Sungchan walks in, looking for a beer. He scoffs at the sight of you and Eunseok, causing you to pull away abruptly. Eunseok places himself protectively in front of you, not wanting Sungchan to see you in your bathing suit.

"People eat in here, you know," Sungchan sneers. "You’re disgusting."

Embarrassed, you start to apologize, but Eunseok cuts you off. "Just get your beer and go, Sungchan. No need to be rude."

Sungchan doesn’t move, his eyes narrowing. He’s clearly a little tipsy and looking for a fight. You can sense the tension building and decide it’s best to defuse the situation. You tug on Eunseok’s arm. "Come on, let’s go. It’s not worth it."

Eunseok reluctantly allows you to pull him away, his eyes still locked on Sungchan. Once you’re back outside, the lively atmosphere of the pool party helps you forget the encounter. Your friends are laughing and playing games, completely oblivious to the brief confrontation inside.

Beomgyu spots you and waves you over. "Hey, come join us!"

You and Eunseok make your way to the poolside, rejoining the group. Anton is in the middle of a cannonball competition with Jake, their playful rivalry adding to the festive mood. You take a seat on the edge of the pool, dipping your feet into the cool water.

"So, what did you guys find to eat?" Karina asks, lounging on a float nearby.

"Just some fruit and maybe each other's faces," you reply, smiling smugly. "But we were rudely interrupted."

Eunseok chuckles, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

"Forget about him," Yujin says, rolling her eyes. "He’s just jealous."

"Yeah, probably," you agree, feeling the weight of Sungchan’s gaze still lingering in your mind. "But let’s not let him ruin our fun."

The group continues to enjoy the party, the earlier tension fading away. You watch as Eunseok dives back into the pool, joining Anton and Jake in their antics. His laughter is infectious, and you find yourself smiling, feeling grateful for the new friends and love in your life.

Eunseok soon comes out of the water and comes over to wrap a towel around your shoulders, the fabric warm and comforting against your skin. "You looked a little cold," he says softly, his hand lingering on your shoulder.

"Thanks," you reply, snuggling into the towel. The two of you sit in a comfortable silence for a moment, watching the sky's colors shift from vibrant orange to a soft purple as the sun sets.

"I wanted to tell you something," Eunseok begins, his voice hesitant. "I'm moving in with Jake and Beomgyu next month for the new school year."

You blink, taken aback by the news. "What? Really?" You knew Sungchan and Eunseok's friendship had become strained the more Sungchan mistreated you, but you never thought Eunseok would leave their apartment.

Eunseok sighs, running a hand through his damp hair. "Yeah. There's no reason to stay. Sungchan's been a dick to me ever since you two stopped being friends, and I'm over it. I can't keep babying him to get him to say why he's so pissed at me."

You place a hand on his arm, offering a reassuring squeeze. "You never did anything to him, Eunseok. He's the one who's been unfair."

He smiles at you, his eyes softening. "Thanks for understanding. It means a lot."

"If you need help moving out, just shoot me a text," you offer, trying to lighten the mood.

Eunseok chuckles, his mood lifting a bit. "If you came to help, we probably wouldn't be moving things. We'd be making out."

You laugh, feeling the tension ease. "You're probably right." You stand up, brushing the sand off your legs. "I'm gonna use the bathroom, and then we can head out."

As you roam the halls of Anton's large home, you hear faint mumbling and the sound of stumbling footsteps. You turn a corner and see Sungchan, very drunk and barely able to stand. He mumbles to himself, his eyes unfocused.

You hesitate, debating whether to help him or not. Against your better judgment, you approach him. "Sungchan, are you okay?"

He looks at you, his eyes watery and confused. "I'm... I'm fine," he slurs, but then he nearly falls over.

You catch him just in time, steadying him. "Come on, let's get you to a bedroom." You guide him to the nearest room, setting him down on the bed. He clings to you, his tears flowing freely.

"I miss you," he cries, his voice broken. "I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have put Yuri first. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

You try to calm him down, patting his back gently. "It's okay, Sungchan. I'm over it."

He shakes his head, his grip tightening. "No, you're not. I know you. You're still hurt, and I'm sorry."

You nod, feeling anxious with how unconsolable he is. "Okay, all is forgiven."

He pauses, his sobs quieting for a moment. "Will you be at my birthday? You've never missed one."

You feel as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on you. You had completely forgotten about Sungchan's birthday. You glance at a calendar in the room and see that it's August 24th. His birthday is in a little over two weeks.

Lost in your thoughts, you struggle to understand how you forgot something that used to mean so much to you. You also take a moment to acknowledge that he's drunk and might not actually want you at the party. But at the same time, you realize that if you don't go, it might really signify the end of your friendship.

"I'll think about it," you finally say.

Sungchan looks at you, his eyes filled with regret. "I envy Eunseok."

You're confused. "Why?"

He sighs, his voice barely above a whisper. "Because he had the balls to do what I was always too scared to do."

Your heart races, shock and anger flooding your system. Sungchan starts to lean in as if to kiss you, but then the door swings open, and Eunseok walks in.

"Eunseok!" you exclaim, scooting back quickly.

Eunseok's eyes darken as he takes in the scene. "What's going on?" he asks, his voice tense. He strides over, grabbing Sungchan by the collar of his shirt.

"Nothing happened," you say quickly, stepping between them. "He's drunk."

Eunseok looks at you, his jaw clenched, and then back at Sungchan. After a tense moment, he lets go, taking a step back. "Let's get out of here," he says, his voice tight.

You nod, taking Eunseok's hand and leading him out of the room, leaving Sungchan behind. As you walk down the hallway, you can feel the anger radiating off of Eunseok.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, squeezing his hand.

"It's not your fault," he replies, his voice softening. "Let's just go."

As you step outside, the cool night air hits you, and you take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart and mind. Eunseok pulls you close, wrapping an arm around you protectively.

"I don't feel comfortable with Sungchan around you," he admits, his voice low and tense.

You stop walking and turn to face him, holding his gaze. "Nothing happened, Eunseok. He’s drunk and upset. I just helped him because I felt bad seeing him like that."

Eunseok's eyes search yours, his frustration evident. "Then why was he leaning in to kiss you?"

You hesitate, the words you shared with Sungchan replaying in your mind. "I... I don’t know," you finally say, averting your eyes.

Eunseok's expression tightens, a mix of hurt and anger flashing across his face. "You don't know?"

Silence hangs heavy between you, the tension almost palpable. "Whatever," he mutters, turning away. "Let's just go."

The drive to your dorm is tense and awkward, the silence thick with unspoken words. You glance over at Eunseok, his knuckles white as he grips the steering wheel. Your mind drifts back to the conversation with Sungchan, replaying his drunken confession and how upset you were by it.

How dare he say he envies Eunseok? This is the same Sungchan who told you that your feelings for him disgusted him, who pushed you away and left you heartbroken. Now he’s jealous that Eunseok had the courage to be honest about his emotions? It's complete bull, and the more you think about it, the angrier you become.

You try to shake off the thoughts, but they cling to you like a shadow. The car ride stretches on, the silence deafening. You steal glances at Eunseok, wanting to say something, anything, to break the tension, but the words won’t come.

When you finally reach your dorm for the summer, the weight of the evening presses down on you. Eunseok parks the car and gets out, walking you to your door like he always does. The silence between you feels almost unbearable.

"Eunseok," you start, reaching for his hand, but he pulls away, his frustration evident.

"I just need some space right now," he says, his voice strained.

Fear grips your heart. "Are you... are you breaking up with me?”

His expression softens slightly, and he shakes his head. "No, I’m not breaking up with you. I'm still very much into you and our relationship. But it's clear you're hiding something, and until you’re ready to be honest with me, I need some space."

Tears well up in your eyes as he steps closer, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Make sure you eat something before going to bed," he murmurs, his voice softer now. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," you whisper back, watching as he turns and walks away.

You enter your dorm, the silence of the empty room echoing the silence that had filled the car. You collapse onto your bed, the events of the night swirling in your mind.

As you lie there, you realize that despite everything, you need to be honest with Eunseok. He deserves to know the truth, even if it’s painful. But for now, you need to process everything that happened and figure out how to tell him.

You curl up on your bed, feeling the emptiness of the room around you. The conversation with Sungchan plays over and over in your mind, his tearful apologies, his regrets, and his jealousy of Eunseok. It all feels so surreal, like a bad dream you can’t wake up from.

Eventually, exhaustion takes over, and you drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring some clarity and a chance to make things right.

The following morning you wake up to a ding from your phone. You groggily reach for the device and see a string of text messages from Eunseok. Your heart skips a beat as you open the first one.

[seokie 🪨]: I'm sorry

[seokie🪨]: I fully trust you. If you say nothing happened, then nothing happened.

Relief washes over you as you read the third message.

[seokie🪨]: Are we okay?

You feel a mix of relief and guilt. He's not mad, but you still haven't been completely honest with him. You quickly type a response, your fingers trembling slightly.

[you]: we're good. can i come over?

His reply is almost immediate.

[seokie🪨]: Of course. Do you want me to pick you up?

You smile, shaking your head as you respond.

[you]: no need, i'll walk it's not far

You get ready, feeling a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. When you arrive at his place, Eunseok greets you with a kiss, his touch warm and reassuring.

"I have a surprise for you," he says, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Curiosity piqued, you follow him into the kitchen, where you're met with an array of baking items laid out on the counter. Your heart swells with emotion, remembering how you once told him about your love for baking to ease stress.

"You remembered," you say, touched. You wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," you repeat, kissing him.

Eunseok smiles, his eyes twinkling. "I know you already forgave me, but I wanted to do something nice for you anyway."

The two of you start baking a cake, following a recipe Eunseok had found. You're impressed by his dedication to measuring out the exact portions, his concentration making you smile.

"Where did you find this recipe?" you ask, amused by his precision.

"Pinterest," he replies, grinning. "Seemed like a good one."

Once everything is mixed and the cake is in the oven, you sit on the counter and Eunseok steps between your legs, his hands resting on your hips.

"Where do you see our relationship going?" he asks, his voice soft but serious. "I know it's early, but I really like you."

You look into his eyes, feeling the sincerity in his words. "I like you too, Eunseok. I see us going far. I want to keep exploring this."

He smiles, relieved. "What about your living situation next semester? Are you still moving in with Yujin and Karina?"

You nod. "Yeah, I am. It'll be nice to have some independence and be with friends."

Eunseok leans in closer, his breath warm against your skin. "I'm glad. I want you to be happy."

You smile, feeling a playful urge. "Speaking of happy," you say, grabbing a handful of flour and tossing it at him.

Eunseok laughs, grabbing some flour and tossing it back at you. A full-blown flour fight ensues, both of you laughing and dodging each other's attacks. You relent when you see you're losing, flour and batter everywhere.

Eunseok takes your hand. "Let's get cleaned up."

He leads you to his bedroom, and you start to undress. He begins to leave to give you privacy, but you catch his arm.

"Join me?" you ask, your voice soft and inviting.

He hesitates for a moment, then nods, a smile playing on his lips. You take his hand and walk into the bathroom, you get into the shower first and look at him, completely vulnerable as he stares at your naked body.

He’s quick to strip and then steps into the shower with you, pressing you against the wall, his mouth already on yours. A wanton moan leaves your lips when he slides his hands down your sides as he tilts his head to the side and deepens the kiss. He places a hand on your right breast playing with it, he lightly pinches and rolls your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger.

You moan against his mouth which causes him to smirk before pulling away and angling his head down until his lips wrapped around your right nipple, which he had neglected before, sucking gently. His tongue swirls around the flesh and his teeth graze over your nipple.

“Please don’t stop.” You breathily whine, caught up in the feeling of your boyfriend sending you over the edge.

He slowly pulls away from your chest and places one last kiss on your lips. “We don’t want our cake to burn.”

He steps away from you completely and gets to work on lathering your body with his wash. You lift your eyes to look at him but he doesn’t return your gaze and continues to wash your body. You pout deeply and reach out to grab his hand to place back on your breast.

“Seok please!”

Eunseok remains expressionless for a few seconds until a small smile creeps up his face. His hand roughly squeezes the breast it’s resting on before he snakes his way up your body again and you think it’s to hold you steady by your shoulder, but you gasp when he seizes his large hand over your throat.

“Eun—”

He squeezes your neck and you moan, hands flying to grab his wrist. “Don’t be a brat.”

He gives you one more warning squeeze before pulling his hand away from your neck. Feeling dejected and slightly annoyed you stand still and let him finish bathing you.

Once he finishes rinsing the soap off your body and washing down his own body and hair, the two of you exit the bathroom. Eunseok dresses you in one of his shirts and a pair of sweats. "You look good in my clothes," he teases, kissing your forehead.

"Is Sungchan home?" you ask, suddenly remembering the previous night's tension.

"No," Eunseok replies, shaking his head. "He went out with friends."

You feel a bit more at ease as you head back to the kitchen to decorate the cake. Despite your best efforts, it turns out looking a bit discombobulated, but the laughter and fun make it worth it.

"At least it tastes good," you say, taking a bite and grinning.

Eunseok laughs, nodding. "We tried."

He grabs some boxed wine, and the two of you sit on the couch. You take a deep breath, deciding to finally be honest with him.

"About last night," you start, your voice trembling slightly. "Sungchan was really drunk. He... he told me he misses me and that he's sorry. He said he envies you because you had the courage to do what he couldn't."

Eunseok's expression darkens, but he nods for you to continue. "How do you feel about all this?"

"Angry," you admit, tears pricking at your eyes. "He told me my feelings for him disgusted him, and now he's jealous?"

Eunseok sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Are you going to his birthday party?"

You hesitate, unsure how to respond. "I feel like I should," you finally say. "For closure."

Eunseok's jaw tightens. "I would prefer if you didn't."

You frown, frustration bubbling up. "I have to go, Eunseok. We were friends for years. I need to hear him out."

He shakes his head, his frustration evident. "You don't have to do anything. You want to go, and I wish you could be honest about that."

Your eyes narrow, feeling a surge of anger. "We’ve been friends for years, I can’t just act like he means nothing just because a few months have passed!”

Eunseok's eyes flash with frustration. "A few months? He treated you like crap, and now you're willing to just forgive him because he’s drunk and feeling sorry for himself?"

You stand up, pacing the room. "It's not about forgiving him, Eunseok. It's about closure. I need to understand why he did what he did."

"Why do you need closure from someone who hurt you so badly?" Eunseok snaps, standing up as well. "He had his chance, and he blew it."

You turn to face him, your own anger rising. "You don't understand. He was my best friend. I need to at least try to get some answers."

Eunseok takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "And what if he tries to pull something again? What if he says more things to mess with your head?"

"I can handle it," you insist. "I need to do this for myself."

He shakes his head, his expression a mix of anger and hurt. "You’re not listening to me. I'm telling you this isn't a good idea."

"And I'm telling you that I have to go," you say, your voice firm.

Eunseok's face hardens. "Fine. Do what you want. But don't expect me to be okay with it."

"Why can't you support me on this?" you plead, feeling a knot of frustration and desperation tighten in your chest.

"Because I care about you!" he shouts, his voice echoing in the small space. "I don't want to see you get hurt again."

You feel tears welling up, but you blink them back. "I care about you too, but this is something I need to do."

Eunseok clenches his fists, his knuckles turning white. "Then go. But don't expect me to be waiting here with open arms."

You stand there for a moment, the weight of his words sinking in. "I didn't think you'd be so controlling," you whisper, hurt evident in your voice.

His eyes widen with a mix of shock and anger. "Controlling? I'm trying to protect you!"

"I don't need protection from you," you snap back. "I need understanding."

Eunseok glares at you, his jaw tight. "Well, I guess we’re at an impasse."

"Yeah," you agree, your voice shaky. "I guess we are."

Without another word, you grab your things and head for the door. Eunseok doesn’t stop you, and the silence is deafening as you walk away. Just as you’re about to step out, you hear him mutter something under his breath, but you can’t make it out. 

You leave, feeling a mix of anger and sadness. You wanted today to be a step towards healing, but now it feels like everything is falling apart.

Eunseok watches you go, his heart heavy with frustration and regret. He grabs the boxed wine, takes a long drink, and slams it down on the coffee table, the anger simmering just beneath the surface.

You storm into Sohee's dorm room, your anger radiating off you in waves. "Can you believe that? He thinks he owns me or something!"

Sohee looks up from his desk, concern etched across his face. "What happened?" he asks, motioning for you to sit down.

You start pacing instead, the words spilling out in a rush. "Eunseok and I had this huge argument. He doesn’t want me to go to Sungchan’s birthday party. I told him I need closure, but he’s acting like I’m betraying him or something."

Sohee listens intently, his brow furrowing as he takes in your words. When you finally stop to catch your breath, he leans back in his chair, considering his response carefully. "Okay, let's break this down. Eunseok is your boyfriend now, right? So, naturally, he's going to be protective."

You scoff, crossing your arms. "Protective? It feels more like he’s being controlling. He doesn’t get to tell me what to do."

Sohee shakes his head. "It's not that simple. Eunseok was just looking out for you. It’s not wrong for him to be upset about you wanting to go see Sungchan—the very guy who hurt you. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he wanted to hang out with an ex who hurt him?"

You pause, the anger starting to ebb as you think about it. "I... I guess I’d feel pretty insecure."

"Exactly," Sohee says, leaning forward. "You’re dating Eunseok now. Of course, it won’t make him happy to see his girlfriend run into the arms of the man she loved for years, especially now that Sungchan is saying those feelings are returned."

Your shoulders slump, and you let out a sigh. "I didn’t think about it like that. I just... I need closure. I need to understand why Sungchan did what he did."

Sohee gives you a sympathetic look. "I get that. But if you really feel like going to Sungchan’s party is the only way you can move on, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating Eunseok right now. It’s clear you have more things to work through."

"That’s not fair," you protest, tears pricking at your eyes. "I really love Eunseok, but I need to know why Sungchan chose to hurt me that way."

"So ask him," Sohee says gently. "There’s no need to feed into something Sungchan wants. Just ask him directly. That way, you get the answers you need without disrespecting your relationship with Eunseok."

You sit down, the weight of Sohee’s words settling over you. "You’re right. I should just ask him."

Sohee smiles, giving you a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "You can do this. And remember, Eunseok loves you. He’s just trying to protect you."

Feeling more resolved, you pull out your phone and text Sungchan.

[you]: hey, are you free? i need to talk to you

You send the message and take a deep breath, hoping this will help you find the closure you need without jeopardizing your relationship with Eunseok. Sohee watches you, a supportive presence in the midst of your turmoil. "Good luck," he says softly. "I know it’s not easy, but you’ll get through this."

You nod, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "Thanks, Sohee. I really needed to hear that."

"Anytime," he replies with a warm smile. "Just remember, you’re not alone in this. You’ve got people who care about you."

You nod, feeling a bit lighter. "I know. And I’m going to make things right with Eunseok."

"That’s the spirit," Sohee says, giving you an encouraging thumbs-up. "Go get 'em."

You and Sohee continue to chat, your conversation shifting to lighter topics as you unwind from the emotional turmoil of the past few days. As you talk about your plans for the upcoming semester and some of the fun things you’ve got planned with your friends, your phone buzzes with a notification. It’s a message from Sungchan.

[sungchan]: i'm free tomorrow

[sungchan]: how about we meet at 3?

You glance at Sohee, who raises an eyebrow in question. "Sungchan says he’s free tomorrow at 3. I guess it’s happening."

Sohee nods. "Good. Get it out of the way so you can move forward."

You quickly type back a reply, agreeing to meet Sungchan at the boba shop near campus. "It’s set," you say, feeling a mix of relief and nervousness. "I’m meeting him tomorrow."

Sohee gives you a reassuring nod. "You'll do fine. Just stay honest and keep your cool."

You smile, grateful for his support. "Thanks, Sohee. By the way, do you think you could help me pick out a gift for him?"

Sohee looks surprised. "A gift? For Sungchan? Why?"

"It’s a parting gift," you explain, your voice soft. "Something to signify the end of our friendship, in a way. I just want to leave things on a good note."

Sohee sighs but eventually nods. "Alright. I get it. Let’s go to Target and see what we can find."

The two of you head to Target, wandering through the aisles as you think about what to get Sungchan. You want it to be something meaningful, something that represents your time together. As you pass the toy section, your eyes land on a LEGO set, and a memory from your childhood flashes before you.

"This is perfect," you say, picking up the box.

Sohee looks at it curiously. "A LEGO set? What’s the importance behind it?"

"It was the first one we built together," you explain, your voice tinged with nostalgia. "The first time I ever went to his house. It seems like a fitting end for us."

Sohee nods, understanding. "That’s a good idea. It’s personal and meaningful."

You also grab a card, planning to write Sungchan a note to go along with the gift. As you make your way to the checkout, Sohee gives you an encouraging smile. "You’re doing the right thing."

"I hope so," you reply, feeling a mix of emotions. "I just want closure."

After paying for the LEGO set and the card, you and Sohee leave Target and decide to get some food together. Sitting in a cozy corner of a small café, you talk about everything and nothing, trying to keep your mind off the upcoming meeting with Sungchan.

"So, are you nervous about tomorrow?" Sohee asks, sipping his coffee.

"A little," you admit, stirring your drink absentmindedly. "But I think it’ll be good for me. I need to understand why he hurt me the way he did."

Sohee nods thoughtfully. "Just remember to stay calm. Don’t let him get under your skin. You’re doing this for you, not for him."

"Yeah," you agree. "Thanks, Sohee. For everything."

"Anytime," he says with a grin. "That’s what friends are for."

You spend the rest of the afternoon chatting and laughing, the heavy weight of your worries lifting slightly with each passing moment. By the time you part ways, you feel a bit more prepared for the conversation with Sungchan.

___

The next day arrives, and you find yourself standing outside the boba shop, clutching the bag with Sungchan’s gift inside. Taking a deep breath, you push open the door and step inside.

Sungchan is already seated at a corner table, looking pensive. When he sees you, he gives a small, hesitant smile. You walk over and sit down across from him, setting the bag on the table.

"Hey," you say softly.

"Hey," he replies, his eyes darting to the bag. "What’s that?"

"It’s a gift," you say, pushing it towards him. "Happy early birthday."

He looks surprised but takes the bag, pulling out the LEGO set. His eyes widen in recognition, and a sad smile forms on his lips. "I remember this. The first one we built together."

"Yeah," you say, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I thought it was a good way to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" Sungchan's eyes widen in surprise.

You nod, your expression serious. "What you did those three months ago wasn’t fair, and what you pulled at the party most definitely wasn’t okay. I’m only here to hear you explain yourself so I can move on. Eunseok has been good to me, and he doesn’t deserve me half-assing our relationship."

Sungchan nods, looking down at the table. "I meant what I said at Anton’s. I am sorry for pushing you away."

You shut it down, your voice firm. "I don’t want an apology or any excuses, Sungchan. I want an explanation."

He clears his throat, his voice shaky. "I started crushing on you when we were in high school, but I didn’t say anything because I was scared I would mess things up."

You cut in, your tone sharp. "Oh, so leading me on for years was the better option?"

"No," Sungchan says, shaking his head. "It was cruel, and I should have just been honest, but I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I thought if I told you how I felt and it didn’t work out, I would have lost you for no reason. But if I gave you the hope we could be something, at least you would stick around."

Your heart aches, feeling betrayed. "Was it worth it? Because you’ve lost me anyway."

He looks down, his face full of regret. "No, it wasn’t worth it. I’m sorry."

You shrug off his apology, determined to get to the bottom of things. "And what about Yuri? Why date Yuri if you apparently like me?"

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought it was time to move on. I didn’t have the guts to be honest after all these years, so why keep leading you on? When you and Eunseok started dating, it made me angry. It took Eunseok a week to do something I’d been dreaming of for years. It’s not right, and I’m not trying to excuse it, but that’s why I did it."

Your anger flares. "You think that justifies anything? You hurt me, Sungchan. You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. And then you have the nerve to act jealous when I finally find someone who cares about me?"

He looks up, his eyes filled with remorse. "I know I was wrong. I was selfish and scared, and I took it out on you. I’m truly sorry."

You shake your head, tears of frustration and betrayal welling up. "I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. But you were just playing me for years."

"No," he protests weakly. "I wasn’t playing you. I cared about you. I still do."

"It doesn’t matter," you say, your voice breaking. "You were never my friend. A real friend wouldn’t have done what you did. And I’m fine with us no longer being in each other’s lives."

Silence falls between you, heavy and suffocating. Sungchan looks like he wants to say something, but you’ve heard enough. You stand up, your heart aching but resolute.

"Goodbye, Sungchan," you say, your voice firm.

He looks up at you, his eyes filled with regret. "Goodbye."

You turn and walk out of the boba shop, your heart pounding in your chest. The weight of the past few months feels heavy on your shoulders, but with each step, you feel a little bit lighter. You know it’ll take time to heal, but you’ve taken the first step towards moving on.

As you walk back to your place, you think about Eunseok and how much he means to you. You know you need to make things right with him, to show him that you’re committed to your relationship.

When you get home, you take a deep breath and pick up your phone, texting Eunseok.

[you]: can we talk? i need to explain everything

His reply is immediate.

[seokie 🪨]: Of course. Come over whenever you’re ready.

You gather your thoughts, feeling a mix of nerves and determination. You know it won’t be easy, but you’re ready to fight for your relationship with Eunseok. You grab your keys and head out the door.

The walk to Eunseok's place is brisk, each step echoing your anxious thoughts. When you arrive, you hesitate for a moment before knocking on his door. He opens it almost immediately, his expression a mix of concern and hope.

"Hey," he says softly, stepping aside to let you in.

"Hey," you reply, trying to muster a smile.

The tension is palpable as you both make your way to the living room, sitting down on opposite ends of the couch.

For a few moments, the silence hangs heavy between you. Finally, you take a deep breath and decide to break it.

“Eunseok, I’m really sorry for how I behaved last night. I was out of line, and I didn’t mean to make you feel like your feelings didn’t matter."

He looks at you, his expression softening slightly, but there’s still a hint of tension in his eyes. "I appreciate that.”

You nod before carefully adding, “…I also met with Sungchan today.”

Eunseok's jaw tightens, and his eyes flash with annoyance, but he stays silent, waiting for you to continue.

"I needed closure," you explain. "I needed to understand why he did what he did. And... I needed to make sure I was fully committed to us."

Eunseok nods slowly, his gaze fixed on you.

"And did you get the closure you needed?"

You nod, feeling the weight of the past few months lifting slightly. "| did. I realized that he was never really my friend. He was just... scared and selfish. And while that hurt, it also made me see things clearly. Eunseok, our relationship means so much to me. I want to make you my priority."

Eunseok's expression softens yet again and he reaches out, taking your hand in his. "I'm sorry too, for how l approached the conversation yesterday. I was just... scared of losing you. I know it's not an excuse, but I should have handled it better."

You squeeze his hand, feeling a surge of relief and affection. "I understand. And I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I promise, from now on, I'll be more open with you. No more secrets."

Eunseok pulls you into a hug, his arms wrapping around you tightly. "I'm just glad we're talking about this. I don't want to lose you either."

You bury your face in his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. "You won't. I promise."

As you hold onto him, you feel a sense of relief wash over you. Eunseok is the one who’s always been there for you, and you’re grateful for that. A small part of you even feels thankful to Sungchan for breaking your heart because everything he didn’t say and do led you to Eunseok.

Pulling back slightly, you look into Eunseok’s eyes, feeling a surge of affection. "I’m really happy you’re my person, Eunseok."

He smiles, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "And I’m happy you’re mine."

In that moment, you know that no matter what challenges come your way, you and Eunseok will face them together. Your past with Sungchan is behind you, and your future with Eunseok looks bright and full of promise.

[lwtqts]

for awhile !

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[hornychristianprincess]

EUNSEOK NSFW A-Z

a/n: this is just my personal analysis based off my perception and observations of eunseoks personality. all of this is fiction/fantasy

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Aftercare is the way a cold Eunseok shows his affection. Given that he isn’t the best at articulating how he feels sometimes, it’s through his actions after sex that he shows his love and appreciation for his partner. He asks what you need and gives it to you. The better the sex is, the better the aftercare will be.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself, he likes his dick. He has this confident smugness about him that just makes me think he takes pride in his ability to fuck. I’d also imagine that he gets a lot of eager or surprised reactions whenever a partner sees his dick for the first time, which would only add to his cockiness (no pun intended) about himself.

On his partner, he likes a nice chiseled back and shoulder blade area. He’s someone who loves coming up behind his significant other and leaving kisses on their neck and back area. He goes crazy when his partner wears a backless dress that stops just above their waist. There’s also something about a pretty silhouette that does it for him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He’s not picky about where he comes. In fact, I think he’s a bit spontaneous and lets however he’s feeling in the moment dictate where he chooses to come. I can see him pulling out of you right when he’s about to come and releasing it on your chest or mouth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

We know that Eunseok earns his nickname Rock because of his cold and sometimes emotionless persona, and I think it’s because of this persona that he’d be afraid to admit he has a total praise kink (receiving). There’s just something about the way he carries himself that makes me think he is a bit egotistic and likes to hear nice things about himself. Being told by his significant other as he’s fucking them that he’s doing so good, or that he’s filling them up so well, would make him come so fast. To that end, I think for the right person he may even find the courage to ask if he could sub for them on some nights.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

His confidence to me suggests experience, but I haven’t learned enough about his pre-debut life to make any strong conclusions.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I think Eunseok shies away from any position that forces him to look into your eyes. It’s harder for him to say the filthy shit that he says when it’s to your face. I imagine him liking reverse cowgirl or doggy style the most. However, when he does get in those moods where all he wants is to fuck you slow and sensually, he’ll opt for either missionary or fucking you up against something, like a wall or over a table.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He is very goofy during sex, always cracking jokes but not allowing it to break his focus or make the environment any less intense. He has that sort of dry sarcasm that no doubt bleeds into the bedroom. He likes to make deprecating jokes about how desperate you’re acting, how wet you are without him having to touch you, and how insatiable you appear.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Given that I believe Eunseok is partial to his own dick, I think he puts a lot of thought into how it looks. If he’s hairy, it’s a groomed sort of hairy where he controls the exact length. When it comes to his partner, I think Eunseok can be a little immature in that he looks at a hairy pussy as a sign of you letting go of yourself. He likes to know that his partner is putting in the effort to make themselves look good for him.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Intimacy does not come naturally to him. I think he generally likes to keep things light and fun. Sex is the one time where he feels like he shouldn’t have to bare his emotions. Still, he is fully capable of intimacy and has his moments where all he wants is to fuck you slow and deep, saying all kinds of romantic shit in your ear in the process. I see him doing this during jealous or post-argument sex. It’s his way of communicating his complex feelings to you in a way he can’t so easily do with just words. In a way, intimacy is something he doles out almost as a punishment or a warning to his partner, letting them know that his regular joking nature is a privilege to experience.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I see him as someone who jacks off pretty often. He knows his own body well and has memorized exactly what to do to get himself off and be satisfied each time. I think he’s a little disgusted by most porn though, and prefers to masturbate to images or videos that he’s saved of his partner.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Degradation (giving): I’ve already alluded to him having a big ego, and there is no better ego trip than to see his partner lose all of their composure in their effort to fuck him. Just the thought that someone would want him so bad that they’d beg for him is a turn on. He’s very quick to point all of these things out verbally, teasing you for your desperation. And the fact that you’d be turned on by him saying mean things about you only adds to the pleasure for him.

Orgasm Denial/Edging: Eunseok has some exemplary self-control and would have no problem dragging out the sex for hours if it meant he could watch you squirm and writhe as you beg for him to let you come. The power of being able to wave your orgasm in your face like a piece of candy is alluring to him. He’ll wait to the point of pitying you before he gives you what you want.

Lingerie/Lace Kink: Eunseok likes the idea of a partner putting lots of effort into looking good for him. Coming home to his partner freshly showered, smelling good, and wearing the prettiest lingerie would be a dream come true. He’d want you keep your lingerie on as he fucks you, something about the juxtaposition of you wearing something so delicate while getting absolutely ruined. And the feeling of lace against his skin, or even better, his cock as he pushes your panties to the side and pushes in and out of you, is awesome. Could also see him masturbating with a pair of your lace panties while you’re away.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Eunseok has his daily life persona and his sexual persona, two entities which he likes to keep completely separate. With that said, I think he likes fucking in places that don’t remind him of the former. Trying to say the filthy shit he says while in his dorm or family home would be too awkward for him to combat. He’d hate to be reminded of just how dirty he got when having to return to these places later. He’s just not able to get into it if the environment has some other meaning to him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Eunseok is turned on by his significant other wearing clothes that give peeks at their body but don’t reveal too much, like a dress with a slit or a draped dip at the front that shows just the tiniest hint of cleavage. He’s turned on at the thought of his partner getting ready for him to come home, preparing themselves by putting on the nicest perfume and clothes. He’s turned on by someone who is responsive to him and his teasing, someone whose pride isn’t too big to stop them from being teased. He’s attracted to someone who is comfortable letting him lead. He never wants to feel like he’s judged or as if he has to explain why he likes what he likes.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’s turned off by someone who doesn’t view sex as a spectacle in the same way he does. He never wants to get to the point in a relationship where you become so complacent that sex just becomes rolling over in bed whenever you’re bored. He wants his partner to always view sex from him as a privilege and act according. He wants a partner to always have the same giddiness and excitement at the thought of seeing him. Apathy is a no no for him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves loves loves loves messy, wet head. On nights where his first desire is to be inside of you, he’ll have to stop you from giving him head back he knows it will make him come embarrassingly quickly. His favorite way to receive head is in the morning, when he’s sleep and gets woken up by an orgasm.

I think Eunseok mostly sees giving head as a means to get you ready to take his dick. His preference is to finger you while using his mouth to say all kinds of filthy shit to you. He’s a major tease so expect your orgasm to be snatched away by him several times. He’s very dominant when giving head, giving you directions to look at him the whole time that if disobeyed will cause him to stop completely. He also likes pinning your wrists down on the bed, preventing you from trying to direct him. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Eunseok likes to fuck rough – deep, hard thrusts are what he likes the most. In terms of speed, he’ll alternate depending on how close you are to coming.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

I think Eunseok prefers having a bit of lead time before the sex to get himself in the right headspace. Spontaneous sex is fun, but as I alluded to in previous answers, the idea of sex being just something you do and not a memorable act is dismaying for him. He also doesn’t want to have to rush, either. Still, if you were to offer to give him a quick blowjob before going out somewhere, he’s not gonna say no.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I think Eunseok has a hard time getting into the mood if he feels like there’s a chance of getting caught. In terms of experimenting though, I think Eunseok is always game to try out new kinks so long as he’s established a non-judgemental and safe environment with his partner.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Outside of situations in which you’re giving him head, Eunseok knows how to last for a loooong time. His self-control allows him to slow down or stop altogether when he feels like he’s about to come. Once he’s came though, he’s usually down for the count. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Eunseok is down to use toys on his partner but I don’t see it as being a regular thing in his sex life. I think he prefers to have you feeling good because of him and not because of an external object. He would only want toys used on himself in situations where he and his partner had a prior agreement about him subbing and he's had time to prepare himself mentally. Otherwise he wouldn’t want to relinquish control in that way.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

As I’ve already established, Eunseok is a major tease. Whether it’s through his words or his actions, he’s gonna make you have to beg for that orgasm. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is a straight up yapper during sex. At some points it will feel like he’s more so making observations to himself than even talking to you. All he does is growl about how wet you are for him, how you’re such a desperate slut for his cock, how your pussy is so greedy with the way it’s sucking him in. Outside of talking, he makes a lot of deep grunts and groans. All in all, this guy is pretty loud and not ashamed of it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I can imagine you and Eunseok coming back from some kind of formal event. Both of you were turned on by seeing the other dressed up, but Eunseok, being the composed person he is, didn’t let you know so easily. You, on the other hand, only needed a few complimentary drinks in you before you were all over him, begging him to take you home and fuck you. All he did was chuckle at your advances, scolding you yet deep down feeling just as turned on as you were as he watched you grow more and more restless. “You’re such a dirty, filthy little girl, aren’t you?” he tsks into your ear, his voice deep and chilling in a way that let you feel the impact his words ripple through your spine. “We’re in a room full of my colleagues and all you can think about is fucking me.”

When you finally got home, you were stumbling through the door of your shared apartment, hands all over each other as your lips connected in a passionate kiss. He would try to tease you, hand reaching between your legs to touch you through your panties, but you’d push at his wrist. “Can’t wait anymore, Eunseok. Need you to fuck me.”

He’d chuckle at your eagerness but nonetheless begin pulling at his belt. “That desperate for it, are you?” 

You’d nod your head shamelessly, already working on removing your dress from your body. “Don’t act like you’re not just as eager to fuck me as I am to feel you inside of me.”

He shrugs his shoulders at that, rubbing the silk material of his dress between your fingers as he moves to bend you over your kitchen table. “Can’t argue with that. You look so fucking sexy. Wanna fill you up with my cum.”

When he fucks you, it’s hard and rough, each thrust sending you up the table. He’d smack your ass and pull your hair and rub your clit until you were screaming for him, and then, right when you began to clench around him, he’d pull out of you and switch positions so that you were on your back.

“You’re so cute when you’re mad at me,” he’d joke as he observes the pained expression on your face at having your orgasm ripped away from you. Kissing you on the lips in apology, he’d push back into you and growl, “We’re not done until I have you crying over how good I’m fucking you.”

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He just radiates big dick energy to me. I think he’s at the very least girthy.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Like I’ve already alluded to, his discipline is strong and therefore I think he could go a long time without fucking. He relies on his partner to initiate sex and goes along with whatever their sex drive is.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Once he’s done with aftercare, I think he still likes to stay awake and just talk or scroll on his phone for a few hours. Having sex almost gives him a boost in energy. He’ll fall asleep whenever it feels right.

[x0llaz]

Lover’s Rock 🎸 | S.ES |

Song eunseok x reader

WC: 2563

In which eunseok shows up at YN’s house, drunk out of his mind.

Exes to lovers, alcohol consumption, cursing, mentions of hookups, fluffy angst, you will hate the ending but you will also get part 2

Eunseok was drunk. Out of his mind drunk. He was so out of his mind he just started walking, aimless in his path, no real idea of where to go. He left his friends twenty minutes before, saying he wanted some air. Yet so much later, he was still gone. He had no rhyme or reason for leaving, no plan of where he would end up. But He kept walking, even as people watched him stumble, and his vision felt blurry.

He always felt at ease at parties. Surrounded by friends, pretty girls, and more drinks than he would care to consume. It was easy to unwind. Sneaking off with friends to the backyard, kissing girls in bathrooms, it was all part of the routine. So why did he leave? Why was this party so different?

The music was loud, people danced around him, pushing against everyone else as if they weren’t there. He had been talking to a girl, who had whispered in his ear something he didn’t care to remember. His friends were all tipsy, each with their nth cup of beer. But he had this feeling inside him he couldn’t shake. Something was missing. As he stumbled through the crowd, he felt this gaping sensation, so much emptier than he had before.

The music was too loud. People pushing him made him feel like he would throw up. His friends were too tipsy to have a coherent conversation. The beer tasted like shit the more he drank it, sickeningly sweet on his tongue. Probably worst of all,

No girl at the party was her.

It was a thought that had never crossed his mind. A thought that scared him. Because it had been two months, why was he still thinking about her? Why now, why this party, did it make him feel sick?

It hit him like a truck, realizing that no girl he hooked up with would ever compare to the girl he had grown soft for. He realized that she wouldn’t be there waiting for him to come back with drinks. She wouldn’t dance with him, or steal drinks of his beer. She wouldn’t kiss him in the bathroom, or tease him for being all over her. She was gone.

The thoughts clouded his mind, and instead of pushing through and blacking out with his friends, he left to “get some air”.

Their breakup had never felt like this before. Sure, there was the initial loneliness after they ended things, but he had never felt so desperate for her than he did in this moment.

So he walked. And walked. No plan on where he would go. Should he go home? To another friend’s house? To a park? Where could he go that would give him peace of mind?

He didn’t know. He just kept walking.

He didn’t know how, he didn’t know why, but when he found his way to her apartment building,

It just felt right.

YN Had managed to move on smoothly. She spent her days focusing on herself, and avoiding thoughts of Eunseok. It helped, and eventually she felt okay with what happened. Despite the days of crying, the days she felt like she couldn’t get out of bed after Eunseok broke up with her, she was moving on. And she could only assume he did the same.

She was sitting on her bed, texting some friends that night. She had been invited to a party that she declined to attend, opting instead to go out to eat. Part of her longed for the nights she used to go out, but going to such events felt so attached to Eunseok that she couldn’t bring herself to go to them anymore. She liked to pretend that she had completely moved on from what happened between them, but she decided to stop lying to herself, and move on knowing the truth.

It was late, so late, she expected no visitors. She was looking forward to staying up late, maybe binging a show, or baking cookies way later than she should be up. So when she heard a knock on her door, she felt confused as to who would show up that late.

When she opened the door, after hearing a few more knocks, some louder, some quiet, sporadic knocks, she froze. Of all the people she was expecting, it certainly wasn’t Song Eunseok.

“What are you doing here?” YN asked, furrowing her brows and crossing her arms.

“Hi,” Eunseok gave her a lazy smile, leaning against the doorframe. “I wanted to see you,” he laughed at himself.

YN could tell something was off. “Why?” she asked skeptically.

Eunseok put his hands in his pockets and shrugged, expression exaggerated and comical. “I dunno,” he shifted his weight from foot to foot.

It clicked. “Are you fucking drunk?” She asked in disbelief.

“Maybe,” He shrugged. “I had a few drinks,” he laughed at his words, leaning towards YN with a smile.

“So you’re drunk,” she shook her head. “And you came to my apartment… why?” she asked. She didn’t want Eunseok there. Though he spent plenty of time in her home, she had spent enough time trying to erase him from the living situation. She redecorated, rearranged furniture, wanting his memory gone from her space.

Eunseok took a step past her doorframe, wobbling lightly, causing YN to reach out and grab him to keep him up. He looked down at her, eyes wide, expression almost unreadable. She didn’t want to let him in, but she knew she’d rather him be safe than somewhere he could get hurt. She pulled him in further, closing the door behind them, as eunseok kept gazing down at her.

YN met his gaze, displeasure clear in her eyes. “Why are you here?” She asked again.

When he took a step towards her, she froze. When he dropped his head to rest against her shoulder, her eyes widened. His hands just held her arms.

“I miss you,”

As he spoke, YN felt like she couldn’t speak.

She stood there frozen, not knowing how to respond, not knowing what to do. All she knew was that this was wrong, that him being drunk changed nothing about where their relationship stood.

She pulled away, and placed her hands on his shoulders, creating a gap of space between them. When he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, she knew she needed to hurry things along.

“You should get some sleep,”

YN hadn’t expected the breakup.

It quite literally, came out of nowhere. There were no fights, no cause for concern in their relationship. Nothing. Just what she thought was a caring relationship.

So when Eunseok asked to breakup, it felt like there was something more that YN didn’t quite know about.

“Why?” she asked.

The way Eunseok shrugged casually bothered her. It was like he didn’t care enough to know why he wanted to break up. “We’re just… too different?” it sounded like a question more than a definite answer.

Sure, they had their differences. He liked going out more, she liked staying home some weekends. He liked big groups of people, she preferred small gatherings. Nothing huge, nothing that could ruin a relationship, and nothing that YN didn’t try to adapt to, to bridge any gap between them.

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” YN looked down.

“I just need someone who can match my lifestyle.”

“You don’t think we should’ve talked about this beforehand?” She asked.

“I didn’t think you’d really get it-”

“Why wouldn’t I get it? I’ve adapted to fit more into your lifestyle, I just can’t be that all the time!”

“And that’s fine! It’s just a little-” he paused. There were so many words he could’ve chosen to describe how he felt about their relationship. “Boring.”

A beat of silence.

“So you’re saying I’m too Boring for you?” She asked.

Eunseok shrugged the same casual shrug. “I guess,”

YN shook her head, picking up her jacket from the couch. “You’re unbelievable,” She said as she walked out of his apartment, dropping her keyring on his counter, not even bothering to look back or say goodbye. There were no tears shed, no harsh words said back to him, she didn’t throw anything he had done back in his face. She just left.

Somehow, when she was gone, it only made him feel worse.

The next party Eunseok went to, he drank too much, claiming it was for his newfound bachelor status. His first time being single in five months, this was something to celebrate. But when he got back home, he realized he was just alone in his apartment. YN wasn’t waiting on the couch for him to get back. She wasn’t there to help his hangover, or kiss him goodnight when he refused to let go of her.

She wasn’t there.

Good.

That’s what he wanted.

Whatever.

YN stood in her kitchen as Eunseok slouched on her couch, thinking to herself about what she should do from here. She should kick him out- it’s what he deserved after what happened between them. He could find someone else to take care of him now.

But she knew that she wouldn’t have the strength to. Regardless of how upset she was, she wouldn’t leave him on his own while he clearly couldn’t be alone. So she sucked it up, walking out of the kitchen with a glass of water and ibuprofen for him to take. She set it on the coffee table in front of him, and walked to the lounge chair across from him. Eunseok just stared at her longingly, expecting her to come back and wrap her arms around him. He took a drink of water and swallowed down the pill, going back to looking at her with wide eyes.

“I was’at a party,” He slurred.

“I can tell,” YN leaned back against her seat.

“I drank too much,”

“I know,”

“I wanted t’see you,” He mumbled, leaning his head back against the cushions.

“Okay,” YN sighed, looking down at her lap.

“Do you miss me?” He asked, looking up with wide eyes.

YN sighed. “We broke up a while ago,” she shook her head.

“Yeah but… do you miss me?” he asked again. “I miss you,” He said once more. She didn’t respond. “I was with some other girls,” he added, drunkenly thinking he could make her jealous.

“I don’t care,” YN scoffed. She did care, but she didn’t want him to know. “Your drunken activities are none of my business anymore,”

Eunseok frowned. “Do you have a new boyfriend?” He asked.

YN didn’t know why, but she shook her head no. She saw the way a lazy smile crept onto his face. “You should sleep,” She said.

“M’not tired,” He groaned, eyes closing as he sighed.

“Well it’s late, and I want to sleep,” She dragged Eunseok up by his arm. “Sleep in the bed,” She pushed him towards her bedroom. Even if she didn’t particularly like him, she wanted him to be comfortable.

Eunseok stumbled to her bed with her help. YN followed and tidied a few things in the room. She left and came back in with a cup of water. “Drink this before you fall asleep.” she insisted. Eunseok chugged it down in one go. YN turned off the lamp by her bed, and headed for the door when she felt his hand grab her wrist.

She looked down to see him gazing up at her, almost pleadingly.

“Stay with me?” He asked, a bit pathetically.

“Eunseok,” She tried to loosen his grip, but he only held her tighter.

“Please,” he begged.

“We aren’t together,” She reminded him. “You’ll regret it in the morning,”

“No I won’t,” He sighed, pulling her to sit on the bed. “I won’t sleep unless you stay,” He pouted and YN rolled her eyes.

She debated with herself. She couldn’t deny the feelings that remained after their breakup, or the soft spot she had for him. So she stayed seated on the bed, and let his hand that held her wrist intertwine with her own hand. She didn’t look at him, only at the blankets on her bed, trying to stay strong against him.

Eunseok pulled her down next to him, and before she could protest, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close to his body. He breathed her in, sighing as he pressed his forehead to the crown of her head.

“I miss you,” He whispered. “So much,” his breath sounded heavy. “I’m sorry,” she felt his lips brush her hair. “For the way I ended things, for not being a better boyfriend i-” he took in a breath. “I miss you. I miss you everyday, every moment, I miss you.”

YN wiggled away from him, looking up at him. She was at war with her head and her heart. She knew she should wait until he fell asleep and laugh as he did the walk of shame out of her apartment in the morning. But her heart- in her heart she couldn’t deny how much she wanted him to mean those words. How much she missed him too, how much this moment would mean to her if he was sober.

“I want you back,” He whispered, looking down at her. “I’ll do anything,”

YN knew the smart thing to do was wait. Wait for the morning so they could talk things out in a way that was good for both of them.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” she whispered, bringing her hand up to brush his hair back. Eunseok just leaned into the touch.

There was silence, eunseok’s eyes growing tired as he looked at her. And after a moment, he leaned towards her and pressed a kiss to her lips. A sweet, soft kiss. Like the ones they’d share when they were together, the ones that secretly made his heart pound.

YN pulled away after a moment, and when Eunseok tried leaning back in, she pulled back more. Because regardless of how much she wanted to kiss him again, he was drunk. And she didn’t want to just be something he regretted in the morning.

“Get some sleep,” she whispered.

Eunseok eventually fell asleep, holding YN close, never wanting to let her go.

Eunseok woke up early, sitting up as his eyes blinked into focus. After a moment, he realized he wasn’t in his room. And after another moment, he realized he was in YN’s room. Her figure was turned away from him, and he gently removed his arm, and carefully got out of bed.

He remembered nothing, other than getting absurdly drunk. And somehow that ended up with him in his ex-girlfriend's apartment, cuddling her. Whatever happened while he was drunk, would be just that. Something that happened while he was drunk.

He looked back at her sleeping figure, and hesitated for a moment. She looked so peaceful. He shook himself back to reality, and crept out of her room. He fixed his hair, and smoothed out his shirt, telling himself to just move on, keep his head held high.

And so he did.

He walked out the door, not looking back, not saying goodbye or anything. Just walking away. It was what he did everytime, it was his routine. Walk out before things get messy.

Just like any other drunken mistake.

Haiiiii this has been in my drafts for a month or two now and I really wanted to post smth today while I work more on my smau :3

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[squoxle]

˚₊‧꒰ა All Good Girls Burn In Hell ♡ S.Eunseok ff ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

💠pairing: Eunseok x Reader!afab | 💠wc: 7.1k | 💠cw: profanity, religious themes, drug use, abuse, coercion, protected and unprotected sex | 💠plot: Your tired of being mommy’s little girl so you sneak out to a college party with the Devil’s Advocate…

With the pressure of being the perfect daughter weighing on your shoulders, the last thing you needed right now was a boy. Especially not when that boy was Song Eunseok He was everything you weren’t and the complete opposite of what your parents believed in. Rule Breaker. Trouble Maker. Bad Boy.

His beauty... charmed you like a snake, entrapping you in his comforting grasp before crushing the life out of you.

His words... were like the devil’s music, enchanting you with his lovely tune as he led you down a path of darkness.

And his eyes... God his eyes were the most delicate yet aggressive feature of his face. Boldly standing out with a gentle aura surrounding them.

He was the perfect temptation. Sent by Satan himself to draw you away from purity and righteousness.

And you were the perfect target. You were weak and he could tell, which is what made corrupting you that much easier.

Your home life was just about as chaotic as you'd expect an extremely religious family to be.

“Honor thy father and thy mother, for this is the first commandment with promise,” she would say this whenever you did anything remotely ‘disrespectful’ in her eyes. “Don’t you want to live a long and happy life?”

Sometimes her words felt like vain repetition or taunts echoing through your head, as her method of reprimanding you often came in the form of lectures.

The neurotic controlling nature of your mother could only be tamed by one thing—aside from the public eye—and that one thing was…your father.

Unfortunately he was no longer around and your mother often blamed you for his absence.

Your mother taught you that a wife should submit to her husband for he is the head of the family and you--as his wife--are to be his helpmate.

Though that sounds fair, for the most part, Mom had a much harsher way of embedding what she believed into the lives of her children. Especially her daughters.

After your rebellious older sister ran off 4 years ago with her motorcycle-riding girlfriend, all hell broke loose at home. You had now been promoted to the oldest of the siblings and were therefore subject to physical pain on top of everything else. It felt like you permanently resided within the confines of a chapel, which often felt more like a prison than a home.

You’d had enough of this torture. You needed a break away from the unreasonably structured environment. Just for once, you wanted to feel like you were the one pulling the strings.

Never did you expect to hand your strings over to a new puppet master.

To keep things brief, you'd met Eunseok through your best friend Faith. Ironically, she was a girl you met at Sunday school in 9th grade who definitely wasn’t the perfect little angel people thought she was.

One time her dad almost caught her smoking outside. The way she launched that bud halfway across the street before sticking a sucker in her mouth was insane. Another time you could remember her telling you the story of how she snuck a boy into her room to have sex while her parents were sleeping…well the boy was her boyfriend, but still.

She had a wild side that you found alluring. Which made you wonder if you had a one too, well one apart from the scenarios you enacted in your imagination.

As a freshman in college, you were ready to try to relax a little.

"Or maybe not," you thought to yourself as you woke up to the sound of religious music playing from the kitchen. Your mother did this nearly every morning at the exact same time, almost like clockwork.

You could smell the coffee brewing, coupled with the scent of bread toasting. You knew you could only roll around in bed for a few more minutes before it was time to get up. Not only did you still have a bedtime, but you also had a specific time to wake up. No later than 8 o'clock were you expected to be out of your pajamas and have your bed made.

"Nothing comes to a man in his sleep, but dreams," another saying your mother loved repeating.

You lived in a house with two younger twin brothers and shared a room with your big sister. Though, now that she was gone, dust bunnies were the only thing sleeping in her bed.

One thing you had to learn was to be the first one in the bathroom. Sometimes you'd get up earlier to avoid the chaotic morning bustle.

After getting dressed you grabbed an apple for breakfast and waited for your mom to drop you off for your first day of uni. Luckily, you and Faith were going to the same university, so that eliminated the anxiety that came with being completely alone on a huge campus for the next four years of your life.

Unfortunately, loneliness, like most of your other personal problems, was none of your mother's concern. "Read and pray," she'd tell you. "The Lord will comfort you."

As this was your first semester in college, you decided to knock out a good chunk of your core classes, English, Math, History, and Politics.

After 3 hours that felt more like a lifetime, your first lecture had finally ended. By now hungry didn't compare to what you were experiencing right now. Unfortunately, you forgot to bring your wallet which meant that water would have to fill you up for now.

“I can already tell this semester is going suck ass. And the next 16 weeks of my life or going to be a nightmare from hell,” Faith sighed as she dropped her backpack on the ground beside her.

You had met up with her outside at one of the round red tables that were scattered across the open green field.

"Oh, come on you can’t say that. It’s only the first day, give it about a week or so, and then see if you still feel the same way," you said trying to encourage her to look on the bright side.

"No, you don’t get it. This guy hates me, like literally hates me. You should've seen the way he looked at me," she sighed. "God, he was such a fucking scumbag."

"Who?"

"My stupid fucking sociology professor. He started nagging about some bullshit and I called him out for it," she rolled her eyes before pulling out a box of cigarettes. "Want one?"

"No, thanks," you held your hand up. "Wait this is a no-smoking zone," you said as Faith lit the end.

"Shit, my bad," she shrugged before picking up her bag and walking off. "You're coming, aren't you? You're not just gonna tell me I can't smoke here and expect me to go off by myself," she held the cigarette between her two fingers.

"No, sorry, I'm coming," you stuttered.

"You better."

You followed your blue-eyed friend to a brick wall that was high enough that when you sat on it your feet couldn't touch the ground.

"So I guess we found our secret place," Faith smiled. "A sweet escape from the terrors of uni and their stupid, boring bullshit," she puffed.

You and Faith often found little areas that you claimed as your own. This was just another spot to add to your map of many discrete destinations.

"Woah, what the hell was that?" Faith looked as your stomach growled uncomfortably loud.

"All I had was an apple this morning and I'm starving," you sighed before cracking open your water bottle to take a sip.

"Well, that water isn't gonna do shit for ya. Let's go grab you something to eat," she hopped off the wall before putting her cigarette out on a rock.

"I can't...I forgot my wallet at home and my mom is already on her way here," you sighed before joining her on the ground.

"So what? I have money. Besides, it's not like she's gonna kill you for grabbing something to eat," Faith slung her bag over her shoulder. "I'm kinda hungry myself."

You’d be lying if you said you didn't have a slight gut feeling that your mom would be upset about this. But maybe Faith was right. There's no way your mom would get mad at you for eating...right?

After splitting a sandwich you headed to the front of the school to find your mom parked in a handicap spot. You waved to Faith as you walked over to the passenger side of the vehicle.

"So, how was your first day of college?" your mom asked as you buckled your seatbelt.

"It was good," you nodded as your mom pulled down the sun visor to reapply her Cherry Blossom Bliss tinted lipgloss. "How was your day?" you asked as you placed your bag on the floor between your legs as you looked out of the window.

"Good," she said plainly as she closed the car mirror and closed her gloss before tucking it away in her clutch bag.

You drove around a bit in silence before you heard the sound of her coin-filled bag swinging through the air. Hitting you in the mouth. Strangely enough, you heard the soft jingle before you actually felt the pain.

"Don't ever keep me waiting like that again. When I come here to pick you up you need to be ready," your mother said as you turned to her in shock, covering your mouth that was now decorated with a sliver of blood that seeped through the crack of your lower lip.

"But, I--" Your attempt to explain yourself was cut off by the stinging pain from your head as your mother dug her nails into your scalp.

"Are you talking back? Don't talk back to me you fucking brat," she spat. At this point, you knew that saying or doing anything else was just going to trigger her to spiral so you wiped the tear from your eye, attempted to fix your hair, and sat back in silence until you made it home.

It was moments like this that you wanted someone to vent to. But what good would that do? Even if you told Faith about this nothing would change. This was your life and the only smart thing you could do was learn from your mistakes.

Don't be late.

Don't talk back.

The next couple of weeks were like the first minus getting attacked for being late. You went to class, you did your homework, and you hung out with Faith. Today, your class had ended early since it was almost spring break and you took this as an opportunity to spend more time with Faith before your mom came to pick you up.

But today was a day to mark on your calendar as the beginning of your ending...

“Hey, Faith,” you said shyly as you noticed the two boys that sat with her. One of them being none other than Eunseok.

She waved to you tapping a spot beside her for you to sit. “Hey girl, we were just talking about going to one of the fraternity houses this weekend for a little get-together,” she smiled mischievously. "What d'you say? Wanna join us for some life-changing fun?"

You knew that look, and nothing good ever came from that. You’d been invited to gatherings like this before and always declined. You never regretted your decision either, especially when she’d tell you about all of the horrible things that happened. Faith never saw the stories how you did, they all sounded like exciting retellings of the glorious moments you missed out on.

"No that's alright," you chuckled as she glared at you with her big blue puppy dog eyes.

"Pleeeeeease," she whined, pouting her lips and squeezing your thigh.

"No, Faith," you giggled. "You're just gonna run off and leave me all by myself."

"I'll be there," Eunseok smirked. "In case she does abandon you," he sat on the opposite side of you placing his arm behind you.

"I-uhh," you stammered.

"Cool it big boy, she's not into that kind of stuff," Faith budded.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know she was gay," Eunseok said, slightly backing away.

"Oh no. I'm not gay," you spat.

"Okay then, lesbian? Bisexual?"

"No, I'm straight. I just don't like boys," you were doing an awful job at pleading your case and you could see Faith holding in her laughter as she watched the awkward interaction between you two.

"How the hell are you straight, but you don't like boys? That makes no fucking sense."

"No. Wait. I like boys, but I'm not allowed to date."

"Who said anything about dating," he chuckled. "Are you already trying to claim me?"

"I never said that. I mean. Ugh, nevermind," you sighed.

"Relax, I'm just joking. Faith already told me about preserving your purity."

"Yep, I sure did. So you don't have to worry about him trying to lead you astray," Faith smiled.

"Eh hmm," the other boy cleared his throat.

"Oh, right. I forgot. This is Theo. I met him a year ago at a party and we've been friends ever since," Faith said as the boy waved.

"You got me over here feeling like an outcast," he smirked.

"Well, she barely knows that goofball, Eunseok. I think this was the first conversation they ever had." Their conversation faded in the background as you dug deep into your mind only to realize that this was your first time actually speaking to Eunseok.

You were much younger when you first met and you've always been one to keep to yourself. Plus, your sister had just left and life at home wasn't so great. So there wasn't much to talk about.

"So, you're coming right?"

"Huh?"

"The party this weekend...you're coming right?" Faith asked again.

"I don't think so. Sorry," you replied.

"Hmm...well I'm not gonna force you. Maybe next time," she said patting your shoulder. "Oh shit," she sighed as you noticed your mom walking over to you.

"I've been waiting in the car for over an hour now and you're out here goofing off with boys?"

"Mom, it's not like that I was just--"

"I don't wanna hear it. Go get in the car. Right now. We're going home," your mom looked everything but happy right now. She must've known you got out early and had been waiting for you all this time. Scared didn't begin to describe what you were feeling right now.

To your surprise, the entire ride was silent. Even when you made it home, pure silence. You went upstairs to take a shower before going to your room to study.

As you were going through your drawers to pick out an outfit, a head-spinning blow knocked you to the ground. Your mother's angry face hovered over you as she raised her hand to hit you again.

"You attention-seeking slut," she sneered. "You're just like your whoring sister," she hummed before grabbing your hair and dragging you to the middle of your room.

"I didn't do anything! I swear," you whined. "We were just talking!"

"First you'll have boys kissing and touching all over you. And the next thing you know, you'll be with a girl too. You'll be confused and broken. Just like your sister," your mother's eyes pierced through your soul like fiery daggers as she continued to berate you.

"I wish you had been born a boy like your brothers. I'd rather have a house full of men than one filled with whores in training," her words lingered in the air as she walked over to your bedroom door. "Sometimes, I wish your sister would've taken you with her."

Every word you thought of saying was caught in your throat. You were being choked by an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and disparity. This was a common pattern whenever your mom would get violent.

Senseless slut shaming and misjudgment of your character coupled with the clawing sensation of her nails digging into your scalp was too much.

Dragging your hand across your face, you wiped the tears from your cheeks as you curled up into a ball on the floor. The sound of the ceiling fan clinking blended with the ticking of the clock that hung on your wall. You ended up falling asleep on the floor with your knees to your chest.

If not for the lamp on your desk, you'd be in complete darkness.

The next morning you woke up earlier than you normally would. This gave you a chance to shower before going to school.

The water ran down your body as you thought back to what happened last night. You turned your back to the pouring water but flinched as you were met with a stinging pain. You looked over your shoulder to see small scratches on your back--likely from being dragged across the carpet floor.

You searched under the bathroom cabinet for something to clean the wound with. Nothing but a bottle of toner stared back at you.

"Well there's alcohol in it," you mumbled to yourself as you poured the liquid on a cotton ball. You dabbed every spot within your reach before throwing your clothes on.

"You alright?" Eunseok asked. His voice caught you off guard as you drifted off into your thoughts. Faith had walked off for a smoke break with Theo, leaving you behind with the dark-eyed boy.

"Yeah," you smiled feignly.

His energy was different than it had been before. Maybe it was because he saw how your mom behaved when she saw you guys talking.

"You sure? Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit," he said tilting his head to meet your eyes.

"There's just a lot on my mind right now," you sighed.

"Wanna talk about it? I'm a pretty good listener."

"No, I'm okay. It's not like that'll do anything anyway," you sniffed. Crying was the one thing you'd never do in public. And you'd rather struggle on your own than bring other people into your personal business for no reason.

"Alright, fine. Well then how about we not talk about it together this weekend."

"I can't go to that party. My mom would kill me."

"Well, you look like you're halfway in the grave already. You could use a bit of excitement in your life."

"But I've never...I can't..."

"You're an adult. You can't let your mom dictate your life forever," you were quiet before he continued. "I'm sure you can just ask your dad, right?"

"Yeah, that would probably work if he was still around."

"Oh...sorry I didn't know."

"It's fine. He's not dead, but he might as well be. I'm sure my mom would be happier if he was."

"If you don't me asking...what happened anyway?"

"Well, basically he left us because my mom is literally insane. They would always fight. And one night he came into our bedroom and slid a note under our pillow," you thought back to the feeling of him placing a kiss on your forehead as you laid there pretending to be asleep. You watched as he wiped the tears from his face. To this day you regret not saying anything. Not doing anything.

"That was the last time you saw him?"

"Yeah..."

"You're going to that party," Eunseok whispered before placing his hand on top of yours.

"How?"

"I'll sneak you out on Saturday night," He said pulling out his phone. "What's your number?"

You looked down at your hands as you shamefully replied. "Even if I give you my phone number, my mom takes it at night time..."

"Damn. Well, I'll just give you my old phone. I barely use it now so I won't be looking for it," he said reaching into his bag. He pulled out the smaller black phone which was protected by a bulky plastic case. "It's a dinosaur, but it still works," he chuckled.

"Are you sure? What if I get caught?"

"Relax, you won't. You just have to keep it hidden until tomorrow night. After that, you're in the clear," he smiled.

"Okay, but if I get in trouble it's all you're fault and I'll probably never forgive you," you said as you took the phone from his hands.

Maybe a night out would do you good...

To be completely honest, it didn't take much convincing to get you on board. He was attractive as hell and as much as you hated it, he definitely had an effect on you.

"Deal," he chuckled as he watched you slip the phone into your bag.

"What are you losers yapping about?" Faith grinned as she skipped back over to you and Eunseok.

"Uh--"

"I was just helping our little friend plan her escape," Eunseok said, cutting you off as he pulled you in for a side hug. "Isn't that right?"

You nodded as Theo clapped his hands together. "Awesome! Another innocent soul to claim for Satan," he words sent chills up your spine as you thought back to what happened the night before.

"Hey? You alright?" Faith asked as your face went blank.

"Yeah...I was just umm...I was just thinking about some stuff," you replied, trying your best to play it off. "Shoot!" you spat.

"What?" Faith asked.

"My mom is on her way. I gotta go," You snatched your bag up and began walking off.

"Oh...but--"

"Sorry, I don't wanna get in trouble again," you continued as you drifted back into your thoughts.

"Hey," you felt a large hand palm your shoulder. You whipped around to see Eunseok standing in front of you. "If you ever need someone to talk to, remember that I'm here for you," you nodded as his hands slid down your arms to your hands.

A warm feeling rushed to your face as all of your previous worries melted away. It was like he was the first person to take your mind off of everything negative in your life. He was like a drug and you were afraid to get addicted.

You both stared at each other for a bit before he pulled you in for a hug. "I'll be over to break you out tomorrow night. Don't forget, okay?" His voice sounded even more soothing when he held you close. The gentle vibrations from his throat were just about as relaxing as soaking in a hot tub.

You hummed in response before walking off to join your mom in the car.

11:24pm tomorrow night...

You quietly tiptoed through the darkness of your bedroom to your dresser. You pulled out the bottom drawer to grab Eunseok's phone from its hidden place.

Feelings of guilt, fear, and anxiety tugged at your heart as you thought back to the moment between you and your mom in the car the day before.

"I'm really sorry for how I reacted the other day..." your mom bit her lip as she gripped the steering wheel. "It's just that I'm afraid to lose you the way I lost your sister..."

You could feel the genuine pain and regret in her tone as she poured out to you.

"I don't want you to make terrible mistakes that you'll regret in the future. And sometimes...exploding is the only way I know how to fix it. That's how my parents were with me."

This was no excuse for her actions, but this did make you feel a sense of pity for her. It was almost enough to make you cancel. But you needed this more than anything else right now.

You just wanted a small taste of what else life had to offer you...

Anything was better than spending all of your free time in this hellhole.

You powered the phone on to text Eunseok.

"She's sleep. You can come pick me up whenever." you sighed as you waited anxiously for him to text back.

"Alright, princess. Your knight in shining armor is on the way to rescue you from the evil dragon." Reading his text made you giggle a bit as you struggled to find anything remotely skimpy to wear. Nothing but an old baby blue dress from your sister hung idly in the back of your closet.

You quickly hopped into the dress and slipped into a pair of silver heels.

*Tap. Tap. Tap*

The tapping sound from the window nearly made you jump out of your skin. The moonlight dimly lit your features as you turned to see Eunseok's face behind the glass. You tapped your finger against your lips, signalling him to stop.

You opened the window and stuck out your first leg to climb out. Eunseok came close to guide you out by the waist. "You ready?" he smirked.

"Yeah," you nodded.

"Then let's get the hell out of here," he chuckled, grabbing your hand and running with you to his orange Dodge Challenger. You climbed into the passenger seat as Eunseok closed the door behind you.

Your heart was beating fast as hell, probably the fastest it's ever beat in your life. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you lied. Your throat was so dry it felt like you had cotton in your mouth.

"You might be able to lie to your mom, but you can't lie to me. You look like a scared little puppy," he smiled, scanning your body. "Nice dress."

"Thanks, it was my sister's."

"Well you look amazing in it," he turned the keys and you felt the seats rumble gently beneath you. You watched as Eunseok reached down to pull out a V-pen. He breathed in slowly before blowing out the sweet strawberry-scented vapor. "Here. Take this. It'll relax you," he said handing your the plug.

"Uhh...I'm okay. I don't smoke."

"Come on, just try it once. If you don't like it you can stop."

You hesitantly opened your mouth as he brought the device to your lips.

"Just suck it in slowly. Let it fill your lungs and don't try breathing out of your nose at the same time--" You began coughing aggressively, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Or that'll happen," he chuckled, before patting your back.

You looked at him through watery eyes as he reached to hand you a water bottle. "Don't worry, I didn't drink any of it yet."

"Thanks," you sniffed.

"So, what'd you think? D'you like it?"

"It tastes good, but to be honest I didn't notice much of a difference aside from coughing my brains out."

"Well, that one was kinda weak. Hold on. Imma give you something a little stronger," he smiled as he drove to a red light. "Look in the glove box and pull out that little red case," he directed you, pointing his finger at the glove box.

You sifted through the other miscellaneous objects before finding the red case. You placed it in his hand and watched as he pulled out another smoking device.

"Alright, I'm gonna go first and you just copy me okay?" he licked his lips before clasping them around the metal tip. "Just take a little bit first," he said after blowing out the cloud of smoke.

Remembering the mistake you made last time, you sucked in slowly.

"Woah, woah. That should be good enough," Eunseok chuckled as you inhaled the herby smoke.

You blew out the smoke, filling the car with the scent. You still coughed a bit, but it wasn't as bad as before. "That's weed, by the way," Eunseok smiled. "You should be feeling it in a bit."

He wasn't wrong either. You felt a sense of alertness wash over you.

"We're almost there," Eunseok said as he entered a subdivision before pulling up to a house shortly after. Cars were lined up the street, most likely belonging to the other partygoers. You could even hear the music blasting as you sat in the car with Eunseok.

This was the first time you finally noticed that Faith wasn't there. The amount of questionable decisions you were making in such a short time even shocked you.

You walked with Eunseok into to the lively house party hosted by Theo who greeted you at the door with Jell-O shots. "It's about time you got here, princess. We've been waiting for you," he smiled as he took down the cherry-flavored shot you rejected. "Did you get my message?"

"What message?" you asked.

"This one," he said, grabbing your hand to spin you around. "Wanna dance?"

"No, that's alright," you chuckled as he pouted playfully.

"Your loss. I'm a terrific dancer--"

"If by terrific you mean terrible then I'd definitely agree with you," Faith said cutting Theo off. "Hey girl, what do you think of the party? Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Well, we just got here a couple minutes ago."

"Yeah, and I was having a conversation with her until you came over here interrupting us," he poked her nose.

"Puh-lease. I'm sure she's glad I came over here to save her from your boring ass."

"Boring? Boring?! I'll show you whose boring."

"I'm already looking at you dummy," Faith playfully pushed Theo's shoulder. "If you really wanna dance then let's go," she giggled, leading Theo to a corner by the tip of his chin.

"Heh, later princess," he waved to you.

You watched as Theo grabbed Faith's hips. She swayed her hips, grinding her ass against him as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck. A seductive smirk crept across her face as Theo turned her around to face him. He caressed her thigh as he lifted her leg, wrapping it around him. He slowly leaned into her lips, hanging centimeters away from her soft pink lips before she placed her finger on his lips.

"I thought we were just dancing," she beamed.

"Dancing and kissing?" he chuckled awkwardly.

"Uh uh. Man, these shots have you acting extra horny today huh?"

You shook your head, scanning the room for Eunseok. You couldn't believe you were staring at them for that long. You didn't see him anywhere in the kitchen so you went out into the hall to look for him somewhere else.

To be honest, if Faith wasn’t busy teasing Theo, you'd probably be hanging out with her right now. But, Eunseok wasn’t so bad. You actually enjoyed his company. 

Still feeling a bit fuzzy and lightheaded from the hit earlier you swayed through the partygoers, silently searching for a familiar face. You were more of a shy person, so engaging with random strangers wasn’t exactly at the top of your list. 

“Hey, ~” a dark-haired girl waved to you as she was being dragged off to a bedroom down the hall. “Wanna come have fun with us?” 

“No, that’s alright,” you smiled sheepishly. 

“Oh come on, baby. I’ll make it worth your while,” the boy said, releasing the other girl’s hand to run his nose against the skin on your neck. 

“I said, no,” you spat, pushing him away after he licked the exposed skin on your chest.

“Oh, you wanna play hard to get, huh?” He smirked devilishly as he pressed you against the wall. 

You struggled beneath his weight as you looked down to see that the girl had passed out on the floor. Knowing that this was going nowhere good, you swung your free hand to hit him straight in the mouth. 

“Argh!” He winced, licking the blood from the broken skin on his lower lip. “You little bitch! You’re gonna regret doing that,” he spat, grabbing your wrist, and twisting it slightly. You groaned at the burning pain travelling down your arm before kicking him between his legs which made him drop to the floor. 

While he was on his knees swearing and shouting out all of the horrible things he was gonna do to you, you shook the collapsed girl to try and wake her up. There was no way in hell you were gonna leave her in the hands of this monster. 

“Are we gonna play now?” She hummed. “Hmm, I’m sleepy. Can I stay here?” 

“No, come on. I gotta get you out of here,” you tugged at her arms. “No girl left behind.”

The boy must’ve been feeling better by the time you finally got her to stand as you felt a set of hands push you to the ground. He grabbed you by the ankles and started to drag you down the hall. 

Even though you kicked your legs in an attempt to fight him off, it was useless, he was much stronger than you and you didn’t stand a chance against him now. 

Dazed, but conscious enough to see what was going on, the dark-haired girl ran off. 

“Dammit,” you thought to yourself. Closing your eyes shut, you prepared yourself to just accept your fate. A set of footsteps ran up the hall toward you as you felt the boy drop your legs to the ground. 

“Ugh!” He groaned as you opened your eyes to see a beer bottle had been smashed against his head. 

You watched as Eunseok punched the boy in the face until blood came from his nose. His hair bounced at the force of every blow. You could tell he had broken his nose by the way his face had contorted. 

“Let’s go,” Eunseok said, looking at you still on the ground. He grabbed the boy by the shirt and proceeded to drag him to the front door. “Does your brother know you’re here?” He spat looking to the dark-haired girl who you assumed ran to get Eunseok. 

“I’m almost 18. I can make my own decisions,” she stuttered. 

“Right, and we see where that almost got you. Come on, I’m taking you home,” Eunseok said as he walked up to a dark-skinned guy. “Lance! Can you keep an eye on this fucker? The cops are already on their way for him.” Eunseok said as he abandoned the lunatic who tried to assault you and the other girl. “He was trying to make a move on Eunchae.”

“Sure, man. I’ll hold him until the cops get here,” the boy whom Eunseok called Lance smiled as Eunseok walked outside with you and the other girl. “Tell your brother I said hi,” he chuckled as you walked outside. 

“Get your ass in the backseat,” Eunseok spat as Eunchae folded her arms. “And put this on,” He said as he pulled off his oversized varsity jacket and draped it over her shoulders. 

“Wait! I forgot my phone,” Eunchae exclaimed as the car started up. 

“Too bad, I’ll have Theo hold onto it for you. We’re leaving,” Eunchae sat quietly in the backseat as you drove almost 30 minutes to a black and white apartment complex. 

Acting like a spoiled child, Eunchae refused to go up the stairs. You could see that Eunseok was more than fed up with her bullshit as he threw her over his shoulder and walked up the stairs to knock on the door. 

Eunseok, placed Eunchae on the doormat in front of him as he waited for the door to open.

“You’re not doing a very good job at babysitting her, Seunghan. Maybe you should send her back by your mom and dad,” he said as he poked her cheek. 

“Yeah, I might do that because she’s obviously not ready to be an adult yet—“

“No! Ugh! You never let me do anything,” she huffed as she stormed to her room.

“Thanks for bringing her back, bro. I thought she wasn’t feeling well because she went to bed early.”

“Eh, it’s alright. But you seriously need to keep an eye on her. Oh, and Theo has her phone. He’ll probably bring it over later.”

“Okay, it’s not like she needs it anyway,” Seunghan chuckled as he closed the door.

You followed Eunseok back to the car as he started it up again. 

“Sorry,” he said after taking a hit of the weed from earlier. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t exactly the fairytale ending you were expecting,” he sighed.

"Well, it's definitely been interesting," you scoffed lightheartedly.

"Did you want to go back to the party or to my place? It's quieter there."

"Umm, wherever you want to go is fine with me."

You were hoping that he'd choose his place. Mainly because the party felt more like a freak show, a disaster waiting to happen.

"M'kay. My place it is," he said before pulling off.

He didn't live far from Seunghan so the drive was relatively short. You followed him up the stairs before entering his apartment which was uncomfortably cold.

You wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to contain some of the heat that was rapidly escaping your body.

"I would've offered you my jacket, but I already gave it to Eunchae," Eunseok said as he turned off the air.

"It's alright," you said sucking in your breath.

"C'mere," Eunseok whispered softly as he pulled you into his grasp.

Your cheeks burned hot as you felt the warmth from his body coupled with the feeling of his breath on your neck.

After a short silent moment, he turned your body to face him. He was met with a warm and submissive look on your face. A sense of innocence wrapped up by desire.

He leaned in to kiss your lips. Little did he know that this was your first kiss.

You freely allowed him to take the lead biting and sucking on your lips as he pulled your body closer to his. You quickly pulled away as you felt his bulge brush up against your core.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you lied as you eyes fell to the ground.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t—“

“No, I want to. It’s just that…”

“It’s just what?”

“I haven’t really done anything like this before.”

“Kissing or sex?”

“Both…”

“Oh…sorry, I didn’t know. I kinda just assumed you had done something.”

“There’s a lot that I haven’t done.”

“Well we can stop now if you want.”

“No, I want to keep going. Just take it slow with me.”

Eunseok led you to his room that was fairly empty. Nothing but a king-sized bed, a small night stand, and a laundry bin occupied the floor space.

You stood at the foot of his bed as he began kissing you again. Though this was your first kiss, you never expected it to feel so good. Again, you felt his hardness press against you, but this time you welcomed the sensation.

You felt his hands blindly move across your back stopping at the zipper before pulling it down. He pulled out of the kiss to slide your dress down before directing you to stand up and sit on his lap.

You couldn’t deny the fact that you felt a bit shy about being naked in front of someone.

He slid your panties down before he wrapped an arm around you. He reached his finger down to glide between your lips. The amount of wetness definitely wasn’t ready for his cock just yet, so he spit on his fingers before massaging your clit.

You jerked your body as he used his fingers on you. Gripping onto his arms, you threw your head back as he inserted one finger into your pussy. Your tightness gripped around his finger as you let out a soft moan.

He slowly pulled his finger back and forth grazing the flesh of your g-spot before picking up the pace.

You watched as he pulled his finger out completely covered in your wetness.

“Okay, what do you want to do first? We can go straight into sex or I can eat you out?”

“I wanna go straight into sex,” you replied as you stood up.

“M’kay. Let me go grab something first,” he said before leaving the room. You waited on his bed, playing with the wetness between your legs.

He came back shortly after and pulled down his pants to reveal his pulsing hard-on.

“I’m gonna put this on to make it easier for you,” he said as torn open the packaging that contained a dark blue condom. You watch as he slid it down his length before climbing onto the bed. “You’re gonna get on top okay,” he continued as you hesitantly straddled him.

You leaned forward to place your hands on his chest as he guided his cock to your opening. Slowly, he pulled you hips down gliding his lubricated dick deep inside of you. You whined as he broke through your hymen. A slight burning feeling filled your core.

“Mmm, fuck,” he groaned as he thrusted into your pussy. More swears left his lips before he came inside of the condom. You felt his warm seed fill you up as he laid there breathless.

“I didn’t expect you to be so fucking tight,” he groaned. “Alright, now you gotta suck the cum off so I can fuck you raw. That was my last rubber,” he sighed, fluffing his hair between his fingers.

He pulled the condom off before you went down to wrap your lips around him, sucking off the cum before gagging slightly on his length.

Once clean he bent you over on your hands and knees and plowed into your pussy as you came closer to your climax. He pulled out his cock to insert two of his digits into your gummy hole as you reached between your legs to rub your clit.

Breathless, moaning, and panting you came all over his fingers screaming out his name. He held you down and pushed in his cock to feel you pussy clench around him as you slowly came down from your high.

You collapsed on the bed from exhaustion and satisfaction as Eunseok stroked his length.

“Fuck, that was amazing,” he sighed as he kissed your shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you home before sunrise. Just get some rest for now,” he said as he saw your legs trembling from the orgasm.

This definitely wasn’t the night you were expecting, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it.

You watched as Eunseok pulled his jeans up before stepping out on the balcony to smoke. Your eyes fluttered gently as you watched the puffs of smoke escape his lips. He ruffled his hair again before coming inside to join you in bed.

He guided your head to rest on his chest. The gentle hums relaxed you till you eventually fell asleep.

You don’t know what time you got in the car or what time he drove you home, but he made sure to bring you back before the sun came out.

Even though this had just happened the day before, you already couldn’t wait for your next opportunity to sneak out.

❀ Thank you all so much for reading! Make sure to check out other works on my masterlist!

❀ 𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @chlorinecake @hoyeonheeseung @addictedtohobi @chaenqen @nikisvanillaccola @mrswolfhard3 @hynjinnn1 @melobin @laylasbunbunny @urfavberry @swaggyjinnie @j4yluv @mimikittysblog @wonbinisbabygurl

[with-eunseok]

DOOM DOOM DOOM: sneak peek

pairing: non-idol!eunseok x fem!reader

genre: smut, light angst ( 18+ )

you’re unsure how to name what you and eunseok have but it’s growing with each passing month you spend together in the same company - no matter how much he tries to keep his guard up in fear of the past repeating itself. until one night, you finally have the chance to prove him that love is something he shouldn’t fear any longer

✎… coworkers au (outside the office), light angst w/ happy ending, switch!eunseok, and more to come || ♡ based on cupid’s girl by marina

preview word count — 0.3 || full story coming soon!

a.note ! decided to leave a little preview on what i’m in the middle of writing for eunseok in case anyone’s curious :3 i love giving sneak peeks, they keep me excited!

When is it going to be your turn?

The question you’ve asked yourself, the universe, more times than you can count.

Maybe it’s tonight a small voice whispers in your head as you watch him measuring his steps to the oche.

“Let’s play.” He glances at you as a lazy smirk tugs at his lips; a dart between his two fingers waits for you to take it.

The bar is much quieter now - your coworkers left almost an hour ago, other clients are starting to head home too. You can hear your own footsteps beneath the low hum of the music as you walk towards him.

Your own lips curl next.

“You sure you want to do this again? You know I never miss.”

The unserious late night dart games somehow have become your thing. A sort of ritual that grew out of weekly after-work drinks with your team.

But there’s so much more than that - between you and Eunseok.

Tension in the office, stolen glances during meetings, flirtatious comments, flowers for your birthday, coffee and sweet pastries when you overwork yourself.

Almost kissing in the elevator; almost kissing in his car after he drives you home when it rains.

But he always pulls back. Just when he’s reached the edge of what it could be, he looks away, takes a step back or murmurs a soft sorry, returning behind the walls he’s built from his pain.

You know why because he told you the story once - about the mess of lies and manipulation his ex-partner left behind.

Of course, you don’t want to push his boundaries or pressure him in any way, but it’s so hard to keep your feelings tucked away sometimes; those urges that open up inside you… the urge to soothe him with your touch, to ease his wounds with pleasure, to pick up the broken pieces of his heart kiss by kiss.

To prove him that he can love again, and be loved.

When is it going to be your turn?

To love him, and love him the way he’s meant to be loved.

… to be continued

a.note !! don’t hesitate to comment or send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged when the story is up so you don’t miss out 🫰🏼

[ywnzn]

boy next door ᡣ𐭩 alright?

ᡣ𐭩 song eunseok x fem!reader

ᡣ𐭩 synopsis. in which yn keeps texting a random number life updates, that turns out to be the boy next door.

ᡣ𐭩 warnings. smau parts at the beginning & end, lower case intended, not proofread, mentions of food? a little cheesy 🤷🏻‍♀️

ᡣ𐭩 wc. 531

eunseok giggled at the texts before he shut his phone and slipped it into his pocket, ignoring the way it kept vibrating and turning his attention to the girl who was busy gawking at the cafe's decor.

“looks like you like it here.” he broke her out of her dazed state; to which she smiled sheepishly to. “yeah.. you brought me to a miffy themed cafe, eunseok.. of course i like it.”

of course he had to bring her to anything miffy related. he liked the way she squealed whenever she saw the character. even her outfit had miffy-related things to it, including her famous hair accessory.

“then, i’m glad,” he smiled and leaned back in his chair, tilting his head. “there’s a store i wanna take you to as well. it’s not far from here.” yn nodded and soon after, the waiter came with their orders.

after having brunch together, eunseok took her to a miffy store, again, he had to.

it got hard for him to hide the way her reactions towards things made him smile, so he gave up on doing that as a whole. and a smile was kept on his lips, with occasional laughter here and there.

“oh, seok, look! they have rings,” yn gasped, picking up two rings that she thought matched their styles and turned around to show them to him.

eunseok walked to where she was standing, examining the rings. “do you want them?”

“yeah, i think i’m gonna get both,” she giggled before she moved to the plushie section.

“i’m pretty sure you don’t have any plushies at your place.” yn said, looking around at the different miffy plushies. “does a keychain count?”

yn gave him a judging look and she shook her head:“no, it doesn’t count!”

yn spent the next 20 minutes helping the boy look for the perfect plushie for him, after lots of struggling, the one that eunseok liked was a gray miffy plushie. so they got that along with the rings.

by the end of the afternoon, the two were already walking home because eunseok had evening classes.

yn cursed the moment she planned her outfit because now she was getting cold due to the cool spring breeze.

but of course eunseok noticed the way she shivered, and of course he took his jacket off and draped it over her shoulders.

“you don’t have to.” yn frowned at him, attempting to remove it and give it back, but eunseok shook his head; dismissing her. “i want to.”

“eunseok, is this…” yn spoke after a moment of comfortable silence; earning a hum from the boy. “is this a date?”

eunseok stopped in his tracks, looking at her now with an unreadable expression. “do you want it to be a date?”

yn shrugged, chewing down on her lower lip to silence herself. “yn, do you want it to be a date?” he said, his thumb and index fingers gently holding her chin, tilting her head up.

“…yeah”

“alright,”

“alright?”

eunseok smiled and took his hand off her chin, only to slip it into hers and pulling her to continue walking. “yeah, alright, it’s now considered a date, our first date.”

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ᡣ𐭩 notes. ik badtz-maru is not a miffy character but lets act like it is😣

ᡣ𐭩 taglist. [open!] @kyusqult @starwonb1n @teddywook @seunghancore @molensworld @ahnneyong @lecheugo @eternalgyu @rksbae @hakkkuu @wonychu @nakam00t @totheseok @ilovechanhee @strawbaemi @miyawakiblossoms @kgyam4 @sseastar-main @rosesfortaro @dodot04lover @daegale @b-riize @snoopyana @lipsbyive @bludzk1llzyuzu @keilovr @ksywoo @bambisnc @poollabug @rllymark @jinanangel @bunni @drinktaro @wonbinsvlle @lcvehee @snowyseungs

[seokvrtual]

favorite one 𝜗𝜚 song eunseok | ch. 06

06. matcha chronicles ✷ masterlist / next

you’ve confessed to eunseok a total of two times: once in eighth grade and once in eleventh. both times ended in rejection—something you’re not exactly proud of. now, as you begin a new chapter of life with university starting, you can’t help but feel like the universe is playing a cruel joke as you keep orbiting around the same guy who turned you down twice.

genre. not exactly friends to lovers, she fell first he fell harder, invisible string

featuring. fem! reader x eunseok, pahn thitta as yn, ot7 riize, aespa’s giselle, enhypen’s jake, le sserafim’s yunjin

taglist. send an ask to be added! @nctsshoes2 @yoursyuno @dutifullyannoyingfox @nakam00t @yipyipmorals @myungjaesgf @romehan @kriize @dearestjake @cherrytaesan @blurryriki @kyusqult @sngj08 @enhacolor

[dailylcy]

THE NEIGHBOUR’S DOG — a song eunseok oneshot

pairing: neighbour!eunseok x neighbour!reader

synopsis: you just moved to a new apartment and your neighbour’s dog seems to like you, a lot!

genre: fluff

word count: 400

You recently moved into a new apartment, and one of your neighbours, Eunseok, looks like the quiet type of person. You didn’t interact much at your first two weeks — just the occasional wave and “good morning” when you saw each other in the hallway. But one afternoon, his dog, a fluffy white poodle, suddenly darts towards your yard.

You’re were caught off guard as the dog ran past you, happily waving its tail at you. your attempts of quickly try to catch it did not work, but the dog was having the time of its life, ignoring your calls to its name “charlie” ( that you learned once in the elevator when Eunseok told it to sit ) . Just when you were about to give up, you heard a soft giggle from behind you.

“I’m so sorry about this. he’s …energetic, to say the least.”

You turned around to find Eunseok standing there, his face breaking into a barely visible grin. You’re a little out of breath, but still holding the dog in place while trying not to laugh at the whole situation.

He walked over, taking the leash with a shy smile. “Thanks”

“No problem,” you replied, feeling a slightly awkward but also safe because of his cute gummy smile.

As he was about to leave, the dog happily waves its tail again, requesting you to pet it again. Eunseok watches for a moment, and says, “He likes you more than He likes me, huh?”

His voice is soft, teasing, and you can’t hold yourself back from laughing. There’s something about the way he said it that made the situation feel comfortable and warm. You end up chatting for a few more minutes, finding that Eunseok is actually quite funny — definitely not as quiet as you first thought.

The next time you see him walking his dog, he waves at you. “I hope you and him are still getting along, It must suck that Charlie likes me more than u.” You say sarcastically, and he laughs.

just like that, you both began to cross paths more often. little exchanges of smiles, shy waves, and just comfortable silence . You never thought a damn dog could bring two neighbors closer together, but here you are, and something just makes you feel like this might be just the start of a long friendship, or…more than that?

note: this might just be my worst header for a fanfic but we move .. i might make this a 2 parter if you guys want it!!

› leave ask/comment to be added to my permanent taglist

to my main masterlist

© dailylcy pls dont not repost on any other platform !

[lwtqts]

she what !

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💐: i hope this doesnt suck but anyways last night was lowkey crazy bc why is my kpop store so problematic 😭

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bold couldnt be tagged !

[eunseoksimp]

Between the Lines; Song Eunseok

Pairings: Boyfriend!Eunseok x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst

Description: the importance of communication and understanding, and the consequences that can arise when those elements are lacking. a relationship in turmoil, leading to frustration and distance between the two individuals.

Warnings: strong language, brief mentions of sex but nothing suggestive

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘we don’t even make love anymore,’ you had been questioning the physical intimacy between you two, claiming that it had diminished.

eunseok sighed, bending down to undo the laces of his shoes, barely making it through the front door before you had started. it had been a long night, and the initial idea of you staying at his place sounded enticing when it was first proposed this morning, but now he wasn’t so sure.

‘see, you can’t even correct me on that.’

he was starting to get tired of this cycle that you had started, blaming him for something that had gone wrong in the relationship, having heated arguments that often left both parties ridiculously irate before ending up in each other's arms by the end of the week.

it was beginning to become more frequent now, the times where you would take a perfectly good day with minor bumps in the road and turn it into a session where a part of your relationship was at the forefront of the discussion. it also seemed to be a pattern of eunseok bearing the burden of the wrongdoer, having to listen as you droned on and on about ways he could improve.

at first he was reactive, quick to combat any accusations you threw at him, eager to resolve any discontent that lay in your heart, the price to seeing you become at peace, to step away from the teetering edge of your rocky relationship and return back to safer grounds. but everyone had their limits.

‘i’m not answering because i don’t want to argue with you tonight,’ eunseok said through gritted teeth, taking a few seconds to calm himself down before moving away from you into the kitchen, a technique he had recently adopted so that he wouldn’t wrongfully take his anger out on you.

‘stop fucking walking away when i’m speaking,’ you’re following after him, one shoe still on your foot as you engage in some type of awkward hobble in attempts to keep up with his longer strides, probably looking like a crazed woman with the added look of your dress now slipping down your shoulders and the hair that you had spent so long pinning up falling past your shoulders.

‘please, can you go one day without picking a fight with me,’ his back is still facing you as he reaches into a cabinet, inspecting a glass cup for a couple of seconds before slamming it onto the counter. he says nothing else as he manoeuvres around the kitchen, all while you watch him, getting a jug of water from the fridge and filling the glass to the brim before raising it to his mouth and gulping it down, wiping the drops of water on the corner of his mouth away with the back of his hand when he’s done.

‘how can i, when there’s always issues? you heard what they said today, every couple is intimate but us,’ your purse is thrown onto the counter and you move from the spot you had been standing in to stalk closer to him, snatching the cup out of his hand just as he was going to pour himself another glass, just so he could pay attention.

‘you don’t find it weird that we’re meant to be in a relationship but you barely want to do anything with me anymore,’ you’re relentless, refusing to give up until you receive a satisfactory answer from him. it’s silent for a moment, with you looking at him expectantly, waiting for something, anything really. why won’t he say something?

another sigh leaves his lips as he rubs the bridge of his nose, his ears starting to ring. he couldn’t gather the strength to stand in this relatively chilly kitchen to explain to you that basing your intimate life on other people’s experiences was weird. he would much rather prefer to put the whole argument to rest and resign to his comforting bed sheets to sleep.

‘you obsess over the same thing. over and over again,’ he said, his frustration shortening his sentences, a warning that the conversation should be concluded soon for fear of becoming more explosive than it needed to be.

‘i’m sorry i can’t be the picture perfect boyfriend that you so desperately want me to be.’

‘no one’s asking you to be perfect, i’m asking you to fucking love me,’ he could tell you were also getting irritated, your words coming out a bit harsher and you were starting to fiddle with your necklace. he wasn’t so sure how your relationship had turned into this, where his every move was questioned, scrutinised, brutally by you. it made no sense why you were trying to change him.

‘you don’t even say the words, like a fucking coward,’ you chuckle, but not out of amusment, rather disbelief, almost like a coping mechanism to keep any other emotion from creeping in and making you vulnerable. it exposed the root of all your issues, the reason why something so small had blown into what it was now. eunseok had never said the words i love you.

you understood at first, given that you were normally the starry-eyed lover, falling quickly and deeply, and accepting that the way you loved was often different to other people. so when you said it the first time, you didn’t expect much. but two months had passed, and it appeared that maybe you were the only one, and that was when fear started to creep in.

‘what’s so amazing about those three fucking words that make you want to fight me everyday,’ eunseok’s temper was starting to escape from him and he pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes shut in an attempt to calm himself down, but it only fuelled your anger even more.

‘don’t swear at me,’ your finger jabbed his chest as you pushed him back a little and he grabbed your hand before you could do it again, chest rising and falling as he looked at you with a lack of belief in your actions. you were demanding respect but refused to show him the same courtesy.

‘so it’s okay when you do it? but a problem when i do?’ he scoffed, lightly pushing you away from him so he could walk away. he knew that this dispute was going nowhere, and the best thing to do would be to retreat for the night, in hopes that you would eventually drop it.

‘i’m not done yet song eunseok,’ you tried to physically stop him, getting in his way so it was harder for him to leave but he was much stronger than you.

‘cant even get peace in my own house,’ he mumbled as he brushed past you, picking up his coat that had been abandoned on the neighbouring couch and heading towards his room, slamming the door after entering, leaving you standing alone in the dim hallway all alone.

part of you wants to barge right in, to continue the argument, to reach some sort of conclusion that would satisfy the anguish nestled deep inside of your heart. however it was futile- you knew that nothing other than a heated conversation and venomous words would arise out of that, and as much as it seemed to be the contrary you were tired of fighting him too. 

you exhale, debating whether it’s worth joining him in the bedroom or just heading home for the night but you know that leaving here by yourself would only anger eunseok even more.

so despite the rage burning inside of your chest, you trudge all the way over to his room, opening it just enough for you to stick your head in first. he was already under the covers, his body facing the wall. you can’t see his face clearly, but you assume by the way the sheets rise slowly before falling that he was sleeping.

this fight would just have to wait for another night. pushing the door so it was now fully open, you trail inside, the air thick with the remnants of your argument, feeling as if the walls themselves were imbued with the tension that now defined your relationship. the soft, steady sound of eunseok’s breathing was the only indication that time had not completely frozen in the wake of your emotional upheaval.

you undressed quietly, slipping out of your dress and into an oversized t-shirt that felt like a security blanket against the coldness that had settled between you and him. the bed was a large expanse, an ocean that divided you from eunseok’s distant form. 

he faced the wall, the curve of his back a silent statement of his retreat. you slid under the covers, the sheets cool against your skin, feeling the vast, lonely chasm of the bed between you.

memories of better times flickered in your mind, taunting you with images of laughter and whispered secrets, of nights spent tangled together both physically and emotionally. those moments seemed so distant now, buried beneath layers of unresolved issues and unspoken words. you ached for those days when love felt simple and untainted, a stark contrast to the convoluted mess it had become.

you watched the shadows cast by the moonlight through the window, dancing on the ceiling, your thoughts racing. the silence between you and eunseok was heavy, oppressive, filled with everything that had been left unsaid. you longed to bridge the gap, to reach out and touch him, but fear and pride held you back, chaining you to your side of the bed.

the words you had exchanged replayed in your mind, each one a jagged shard that cut deeper every time you thought about it. the accusations, the hurt, the frustration—it all circled around like a storm, leaving you exhausted and emotionally drained. you had both become masters at wounding each other, knowing exactly where to strike to inflict the most pain.

you turned to face his back, whispering into the void between you, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would hear the silent plea in your words.

‘i just want you to love me,’ you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. ‘i just want to feel like I matter to you.’

the silence was deafening, each second that passed a nail driven into the coffin of your dwindling hope. you closed your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks, and curled into a ball, seeking comfort in your own embrace. the weight of your unspoken fears and desires pressed down on you, suffocating in their intensity.

sleep came in fits and starts, fragmented by dreams that mirrored your waking turmoil. you dreamt of eunseok, of moments when he held you close, his warmth a balm to your troubled soul. but even in your dreams, he was slipping away, an ephemeral figure you couldn't quite grasp, always just out of reach.

when you woke, the room was bathed in the pale light of dawn. eunseok was still there, his form unmoving, but the divide between you felt wider than ever. the ache in your chest had settled into a dull throb, a constant reminder of the unresolved conflict that hung over you like a dark cloud.

you lay there for a while, listening to the world waking up outside the window. birds chirped, cars drove by, and life went on, indifferent to the turmoil within these four walls. you wanted to reach out, to touch him, to find some way to reconnect, but you were paralyzed by the fear of rejection, of opening yourself up only to be met with more silence.

finally, you couldn't stand it any longer. you slipped out of bed, the cold floor a stark contrast to the warmth of the sheets, and padded to the kitchen. you needed something, anything, to distract yourself from the crushing weight of your emotions.

the kitchen was still as you had left it, a silent witness to the argument that had played out the night before. you filled the kettle, the mundane task grounding you somewhat, and set it to boil. the rhythmic tick of the stove was a small comfort, a steady beat against the chaos in your mind.

as the water heated, you leaned against the counter, staring out of the window at the world beyond. it was a grey morning, the sky overcast and heavy with the promise of rain. it felt fitting, a mirror to the storm brewing inside you.

eunseok emerged from the bedroom, his presence filling the space. he looked as weary as you felt, the lines of tension etched into his face. he glanced at you, a flicker of something—regret, sorrow, maybe even love—passing through his eyes before he looked away, focusing on the kettle instead.

the silence between you and eunseok was palpable, thick with unresolved tension and the remnants of countless arguments. you  sat at the kitchen table, your fingers tracing the edge of your coffee mug, the steam curling upwards like ghosts of your past grievances. eunseok leaned against the counter, his eyes distant as he stared out the window at the drizzly morning.

it had been a night filled with restless sleep and fragmented dreams, and the weight of your unresolved issues hung over you like a dark cloud. the conversation from the previous night replayed in your mind, each harsh word echoing in the quiet of the early morning.

‘we don't even make love anymore eunseok. it’s like we’re falling apart,’  you had said, your voice tinged with desperation and hurt. eunseok’s response had been a sigh, a gesture that spoke volumes about his weariness with the cycle of blame and argument that had become the norm in your relationship.

you couldn't help but feel the sting of his dismissiveness, the way he seemed to brush off your concerns as if they were insignificant. the lack of physical intimacy was just a symptom of a deeper problem, one that neither of you had been able to articulate fully.

he turned from the window, his expression unreadable as he finally met your gaze.

‘i don't want to argue with you,’  he said, his voice tight with restrained emotion. ‘i’m tired, and I just want some peace.’

‘peace?’ you echoed, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. ‘how can there be peace when there's always something wrong between us? we don't talk, we don't touch, we don't even look at each other properly anymore.’

his jaw tightened, a flicker of irritation crossing his face. ‘you’re always so quick to find fault,’ he muttered, turning away from you to pour himself another cup of coffee. ‘always looking for something to fight about.’

the frustration inside you bubbled over, and you pushed back your chair, the screech of wood against tile jarring in the quiet kitchen.

‘i just want to feel like you care, eunseok. like i matter to you.’

he set down his cup with a bit more force than necessary, the clink of ceramic on the counter sharp and angry. ‘you think I don't care? you think I don't want this to work? i’m trying, but it's never enough for you.’

‘trying?’ your voice rose, a mixture of incredulity and hurt. ‘trying means actually putting in effort, not just going through the motions. you don't even say you love me.’

the silence that followed was heavy, the unspoken truth hanging in the air between you. it was the crux of your anguish, the reason why every small argument escalated into a full-blown fight. eunseok had never said those three words, and the absence of them was a constant ache in your heart.

‘you knew from the beginning that I'm not good with words,’ he said finally, his voice quieter but no less strained. ‘i show you I care in other ways.’

‘other ways?’ you repeated, frustration giving way to tears that you hastily wiped away. ‘what other ways, eunseok? ignoring me when i need you? making me feel like I'm a burden?’

his shoulders slumped, the fight seeming to drain out of him. ‘i’m doing the best I can,’ he said softly, his eyes pleading with you to understand. ‘i care but I don't know how to make you believe it.’

the words should have been a balm, a soothing relief to your tormented heart, but instead, they felt like a hollow echo of what you had longed to hear. 

‘saying it isn't enough,’ you whispered, your voice breaking. ‘i need to feel it, to see it in the way you look at me, the way you touch me.’

eunseok’s frustration flared again, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. ‘i’m not some perfect boyfriend out of a romance novel,’ he snapped. ‘i’m a person, with flaws and limits. I'm sorry if I'm not living up to your expectations.’

‘that’s not what this is about,’ you shot back, your own anger rising to meet his. this is about feeling loved and wanted. it’s about not feeling like i’m constantly begging for scraps of affection.’

the room seemed to close in around you, the walls pressing in with the weight of your mutual anger and hurt. eunseok turned away, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. ‘i’m tired of this, of us always fighting,’ he said, his voice weary. "maybe we're just not meant to be.’

the words hit you like a physical blow, the air leaving your lungs in a rush. ‘so, what? you’re giving up?’ you asked, your voice trembling. ‘after everything, you're just walking away?’

he turned back to face you, his expression a mixture of sorrow and resignation. ‘i don't know what else to do,’ he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. ‘i care about you, but this... this isn't healthy for either of us.’

tears spilled down your cheeks, and you wrapped your arms around yourself as if to hold the pieces of your breaking heart together. ‘i don't want to lose you,’ you said, your voice small and vulnerable. ‘but I can't keep living like this, feeling like I'm not enough.’

‘i do… you know,’ he said softly, the words on the brink of being set free. yet, something small was holding it back. ‘i just don’t know how to show it the way you need.’

tears welled up in your eyes again, but this time they were a mixture of relief and lingering sadness. ‘i need to hear it,’ you said, your voice breaking. ‘i need to feel it.’

the kettle whistled, a sharp, insistent sound that cut through the silence. eunseok had always struggled with commitment, and try as he might, he could never bring himself to say that he loved you. it was a word that hung in the air between you, tantalisingly close yet perpetually out of reach.

his silence on this matter was a chasm you could never cross, a void that swallowed your hopes and left you feeling perpetually adrift. the fight had laid bare the fundamental disconnect between you. 

it wasn’t just about saying he loved you; it was about everything that word represented—commitment, vulnerability, trust. you had always been open with your feelings, wearing your heart on your sleeve, while eunseok had kept his emotions locked away, guarded by walls you could never breach.

he sighed, a sound that seemed to come from the depths of his soul. ‘i know you’re disappointed,’ he said finally, his voice rough with emotion. ‘i know, and i’m sorry. i just...i don't know how to be what you need me to be.’

his admission hung in the air, a bitter truth that neither of you could deny. you had always known that eunseok struggled with expressing his feelings, but you had hoped that in time, he would learn, that he would find a way to bridge the gap between you. but hope, you realised, was not enough to sustain a relationship.

‘i wish I could say the words,’ he murmured. ‘i wish i could tell you that i love you. but every time i try, it's like something inside me locks up. you know how hard it is for me.’

his confession was a knife to my heart, cutting through the last threads of your hope. you reached across the table, taking his hand in yours. his skin was warm, familiar, and yet it felt like you were worlds apart. 

‘maybe,’ you said gently, ‘maybe it's time we stop trying to force something that isn't there. maybe it's time we accept that sometimes, love isn't enough.’

the tears that had been threatening to fall all morning finally spilled over, blurring your vision. your body shook with the force of your grief, eunseok’s head hung low.

the reality of your situation settled over you like a shroud, heavy and suffocating. you sat in silence, holding on to each other for a moment longer, as if by sheer will you could delay the inevitable. but eventually, you pulled your hand away, the finality of the gesture striking like a death knell.

his gaze finally met yours, and for a moment, you saw a flicker of something—regret, sorrow, maybe even love—but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. ‘i never wanted to hurt you,’ he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. ‘but i can't be what you need.’

the finality of his words hit you like a physical blow. you had been clinging to hope, believing that if you loved him enough, if you were patient enough, he would eventually open up to you. 

‘why?’ you asked, the single word carrying the weight of all your unanswered questions. ‘why can't you love me the way I need you to?’

eunseok looked away, his jaw tightening. ‘it’s not that simple,’ he murmured. ‘i have my own issues, my own fears. i can't just change who I am.’

‘but i need more,’ you pleaded, tears streaming down your face once more. ‘i need to feel loved, to feel wanted. and you...you can't give me that.’

he rose from his seat, taking a step towards you, then stopped, as if an invisible barrier held him back. ‘i’m sorry,’ he said again, the words sounding hollow. ‘i never wanted it to end like this.’

you wiped your tears with the back of your hand, your heart shattering with every sob. ‘neither did i,’ you whispered. ‘but i can't keep sacrificing my happiness for the hope that you'll change. i need to let go, even if it kills me.’

the pain of those words cut deeper than any wound. letting go of someone you love, someone you had dreamed of a future with, was a torment beyond description. it felt like tearing out a piece of your soul, leaving a raw, bleeding wound that would never fully heal.

eunseok took another step forward, his eyes filled with a sorrow that mirrored your own. ‘i wish things were different,’ he said softly. ‘i wish i could be the man you deserve.’

for a moment, you both stood there, the distance between you insurmountable. 

‘goodbye eunseok,’ you said, your voice breaking. ‘i hope you find what you're looking for.’

he squeezed your hand gently, then let go. ‘goodbye,’ he replied, his voice thick with emotion. ‘take care of yourself.’

you lingered for a moment, your eyes sweeping over the kitchen one last time. the table where you had shared countless meals, the counter where you had stood side by side, cooking and laughing, now seemed like relics of a past life.

with a deep, shuddering breath, you turned away from him and walked towards the door. each step felt like a monumental effort, your legs heavy with the weight of your grief. the hallway stretched before you, a tunnel of memories, each one more painful than the last.

you reached the front door and paused, your hand hovering over the doorknob. you could hear eunseok’s quiet breathing behind you, a final reminder of the life you were leaving behind. swallowing the lump in your throat, you opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. the door closed with a soft click, a sound that seemed to echo through the empty hallway, amplifying your sense of loss.

the world outside continued its relentless march forward, indifferent to the turmoil within. people passed by, oblivious to the silent agony tearing you apart. you stood there for a moment, letting the cool breeze wash over you, trying to steady your breath.

the weight of your unspoken words crushed your chest, each step echoing the finality of your parting. the chill of the evening seeped into your bones, a stark reminder that some endings were never meant to be rewritten.