#planning on being more active this year
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LETS GOOOOO
#planning on being more active this year#gonna go crazy#artfight 2024#artfight#team seafoam#artfight seafoam#artfight card#cinder.png
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Holiday icons for you and your worsties!! 🎄⭐️ (Or just a normal holiday drawing)
#persona 3#persona#p3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#yukari takeba#junpei iori#persona 3 art#persona fanart#also just checked my follower thingy#and i apparently have 200 followers now thats sick thank you 😭😭#feel like ive stopped being as active on tumblr i more post and shitpost on twitter now#i do plan to post like a art recap sicne U ACTUALLY DID DRAW ALL YEAR THIS TIME LOOK AT THAT#looking thru my old art wil be pain tho...#BUT I WILL POWER THRU!#i need to stop posting my art at like 2am -_-#minnidraws
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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sooooo i finally got gaiden which means i have been getting back into yakuza again!!
here are some sketches that i coloured cuz i do not rlly have the motivation for much else currently <3
#so yes i missed christmas i missed new years i even missed valentines day BUT IM STILL ALIVE AND KICKING!!!#i have been very focused on toyhouse+ comms (which i started there)#planning on being more active here this year but SIGHHH the tism is kicking my ass currently#anyways who wanted a life update THIS IS YAKUZA MFS!! we are sooo back we are BACK#shishido...i have not finished the game yet but..hes...hes so meow meow#ikk im so bad at semi realism and stuff i know for a FACT that in like 4 months im gonna be so embarrassed by this post but im trying okay#anyways actual tags#yakuza#yakuza game#yakuza kiryu#yakuza art#yakuza series#yakuza 0#yakuza fanart#yakuza games#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#kiryu kazuma#kazuma kiryu#kiryu kazuma fanart#kazuma kiryu fanart#like a dragon#rgg studio#like a dragon gaiden#the man who erased his name#shishido kosei#kosei shishido#okay idk what else to tag i forget every single time what i need to tag but whatever if this flops ill just take it like a badass#unculturedswine69
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What the fuck man
#she...wasnt even racist and outgrew her antisjw phase#like...she spent many more years telling people that people who identify as antisjws are stupid#also iirc she moved to Germany. that was the plan she and her boyfriend had at least and were enacting#but i never really got if thats where they actually ended up and i always felt way too awkward to ask#like idk i felt like i was supposed to get what country they were in from the conversation itself#as you can probably guess im not very fond of this fuck wishing death on my friend#but the point is that its fucked up to wish death on any refugee running away from a near certain death like whats your fucking problem#imagine hearing that a trans woman from a country actively trying to kill her is running away and passing through Ukraine and your reaction#being 'oooh i hope the colonisers kill her too while theyre busy killing the Ukrainians'#she didnt even do anything to you man
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i should not be concocting elaborate daydreams about characters i haven't even heard speak in earnest yet, huh
i am vying against the desk, nails bloodied and knuckles white, please let me make up more guys (gn) to kiss those other guys (gn)
#squirrel plays datv#i picture ver and davrin being shocked when people think they're a couple while they're actively holding hands#this? nooo well yeah we kiss and sleep with each other and talk sweet and would die for each other but we're not DATING or anything#coris is going to call lucanis “first talon” and “legacy” as flirting (derogatory) and they'll make everyone uncomfortable#because she's like 4'nothing and clearly domming the shit out of him on a regular basis#and she'll only say “luc” when things get REAL soft and she won't know what to do with that#and manfred will quite literally have an unspoken rivalry going on with tristan because only one of them can be emmrich's favorite undead#something something indescribable violence delivered stoically; hiding injuries because the healers can't do much#only the necromancer's scalpel can fix dead flesh and set a dead heart beating fast once more#............. those are all just the guys FUCK#crying please give me more neve news i need to go insane about the elfette i plan for her who's been in active yearning for like five years#and and and i need to hear more about harding because i want my leather and lace dorfettes to have their epic romance#oc: verbena mercar#oc: coris de riva#oc: tanner laidir#oc: tristan thorne
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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I want to quit my job soooo bad
#ranntics#I'm still fuming over a situation that happened over a week ago#idk. I just think that a manager gossiping about me to my coteacher is inappropriate#and she never gossips with ME which makes me think that my coteacher is a more active gossip participant than she's letting on.#and the fact that my manager wrote on both of our employee reviews that our goal for the year was for us to work together better as a team#and then she's going to my coteacher like ''leeann told me she thinks you're stupid and she HATES that she has to let you do lesson plans''#(not even slightly close to being a true statement but w/e)#girl... if our goal is teamwork why are you doing that. how is that helping us toward our goal...#I think that maybe you're bad at your job.
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You know my New Years goal in 2023 was to revitalize my friend group post covid, and while things definitely aren't the same as they were in 2019, I think I've been genuinely successful?
It's the sort of thing that's hard to measure obviously, but our group chat is more active now than it has been in a very long time, we're about to hit a year of doing monthly tea parties, and I feel like I'm integrated into my friends lives again in a way that hasn't been true sense the pandemic.
It makes me so genuinely happy. Things might happen in the world that break your connections for a while, but there is always an opportunity for repair if a relationship is important to you 💚
#I've been unemployed for about a year#which isn't great#but part of that has been prioritizing social stuff over work#like I was planning parties and scheduling friend group activities all year#in am attempt to get people actually participating in each others lives again#and yeah#that takes an amount of time that doesn't leave a lot of room for other stuff#but I think I was successful!#I think I did the thing!#I'm finally feeling at a point where like#that the work I've put in is now being picked up and maintained by other members of my friend group#in a way that I can step back a little and focus on my own shit more#(this is what happens when you're friends with a community social worker btw - you get intentionally manufactured friend integration time)
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mental health update: i received a “time capsule” letter from myself 10 years ago where i was actively suicidal
#lol. lmao even#not to vent! but i literally don’t have anywhere else to talk about it#the letter was literally like ‘ i don’t think i’m going to make it 10 more years’#i hate reading it and thinking about it#like i’ve come leaps and bounds since 15 year old me wrote that#but also it is very very similar. i’ve been struggling lately#made a psychiatry appointment though! woo!#i’m not planning anything i’m not actively suicidal#like for all intents and purposes my life is good#i have a job that i like. friends who are very supportive#i’m proposing to my partner on monday (SECRET IF U KNOW ME IRL)#life is good!#i’m just so incredibly anxious constantly and trying to get sober from weed helped me realize that#as i’ve been using it for self medication for so long without really being conscious of it#i’m stoned right now btw. for accountability’s sake#idk where my train of thought went#if u made it this far thank u for listening i’m giving u a kiss on the forehead
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Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.
…why am I like this. Why are we like this.
#tiger’s roar#…but like. good god. someone being Actually Genuinely KIND and insisting they DO like my company and want my friendship#(and is arguably mutually attracted and THOSE feelings of mine and what I’m picking up from them just won’t DISPELL already)#just. really stirs the muck. gets at that emotional constipation in my brain’s grease trap#then having TWICE now having Activities Suggested and THIS Time in FRONT of people then like…never following through?#all but thinking aloud with planning to witnesses things that sound less like hanging out and more like a date#and then just…not doing it?#when the Reality is Apparently Too Busy?#us fighting earlier this year over quality time essentially#when all I want is to have like. maybe an hour or two once a week or once a month#to enjoy someone else’s company. get a fucking REPRIEVE from my life#that’s…that’s it? nothing grand. just have the time found where it can be without causing strain?#I’m actually NOT a romantic even when I have romantic feelings? they just make me yearn for basic contact all the more#I’ll always be ‘too platonic’ within a romantic relationship so no it’s never going to be an ‘expectation’#MAYBE the one with unrealistic expectations is the guy who watches romance films and struggles with AllorNothing thinking perhaps?#and…yeah. trying to not feel resentful of their time spent this summer with existing friends when apparently not working 20+ hrs a week#in addition to their own research and god knows what else#…because it feels like there’s no space for me. and probably never will be. and I have never been ‘cool’ a day in my life#sure I own it as an adult. especially a 30s adult.#but having people recognize me as kind and supportive and easy to talk to 1:1 (my group aqauaintance/casual friendships SUCK)#but. basically never getting to keep any of them as friends? quickly ditched? treated like a used bandaid?#it…gets to me alright? like I only exist as Catch/Treat/Release but for people#which sure. the friend I’m angry at HAS been frustrated about me deserving better. looks at me like I’m christmas.#and I’m now fairly close friends with their beloved sibling. and despite things having THE Worst Start Ever their family seems to trust me#…but…it’s just…think I deserve better? think I’m worthy of your esteem and respect? think I’m kind and approachable?#want me to feel safe and relaxed enough to be myself? then just…do better.#ask when I’m available to kill a few hours then…follow through on that. that’s it.#not all the time. and my ‘expectation’ is to always be either neglected or used and feeling jaded about it#just…a repreive. for both of us. that’s it.
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We're Riize's Sunz. Not my Cassiopeia Heart also being like. *Screams* (Don't conspire don't do it. Do it. No don't.)
Please SM. We need a Riize cover of TVXQ's Rising Sun..
#Riize#Sunz#TVXQ!#?#It is 20 years of TVXQ this year my guys#That includes JYJ members being active for 20 years#Jaejoong keeps saying “we” are planning an 20 year album#Ok more about Riize#Riize is so much fun#Shotaro and Sungchan; This NCTzen Nuna is so proud#Shotaro is my Bias#Sungchan Bias Wrecks me#So does Sohee!#We have some talented kiddos in Riize#Please a cover of Rising Sun#Someone get Yunho and Changmin to dance Rising Sun with them?
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is the new genshin event good or
#( spam )#bc my burnout is still here#it's been like a year omfg im never getting over this#i missed soooo much events but i plan on being a bit more active bc of that kaeya skin#i dont use him (anymore) but i need that skin
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hi mar i just wanted to say i miss you and i hope everything’s going well in your life rn!! 😘😘
cal i miss you too sm and everyone else 🥺🥺🥺 thank u sm for checking in, you're the best ever i swear <3333
things are going pretty decent rn, i have good grades and i just submitted one application to nursing school so i can't complain! i'm relatively busy but mainly i just don't have the energy to maintain a super active blog lately with school and everything, i feel bad 😭😭
#i miss everyone sm and im sorry for never being on bc ik yall miss me too my brain's just Tired of the internet and needs a break#being active in fandom 24/7 for more than a year started to exhaust me after a while#but im still here to talk to my friends and share the love!!!!! if i miss something u post/tag me in/message me just remind me!!!#chances are if i dont reply its bc i was planning to do it later and forgot to not bc i hate you#ask#reply#calkale#mutual
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I love planning 😁😁 (it's been a week and I haven't started)
#art#my art#drawing plan#this year my classes are more art#my 3 stem classes and my crippling mental health#last year it was me my 3 stem classes and my crippling mental health#I wanna be more active here so maybe i oughta like draw more 💀#the sad truth of being an oc artist 😔#most of my drawings are ocs.........
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.
#//ramble#it’s hard for us of course but it’s the hardest for hobi himself#this man worked constantly in this new solo period because not only was this one amongst the very first chances where he was getting the#opportunity to showcase his skills apart from the ones that people already knew about#but also to indulge in things he wanted to do#he is so ambitious but at the same time he is also very hardworking#he makes his plans and dreams come true and that requires a lot of hardwork from his side#he’s been working non stop since forever#and now this period of inactivity must feel so alien to him :(#it’s absurd how they’re just required to give 1.5 years of their lives to military#i could see from his face how much all of this has affected him :(((#he also apologised to us and also to a lot of his closed ones for being less active during this time#because he truly needed time to process the fact that he won’t be able to work for sometime that he won’t be able to do what he loves#for the next 18 months#id been so selfish for the past few days asking him to upload more at least before he leaves while he was dealing with his own emotions;-;#he shouldn’t have to say sorry to fans for this i should :((((#i know that it is going to be a bit hard for someone like him to suddenly undergo such a big lifestyle change#but i really really from the bottom of my heart hope that he’s able to adjust nicely#that he doesn’t face anyyyy difficulties whether big or small#and has a smooth experience + transition#hobi we your fans shall always wait for you <3#also this solo period was so necessary for hobi as an artist to grow#before as well he had fans but during this time i saw a few fake fans leave but at the same time he gained so many true passionate fans who#actually care about him and his artistry#and he needed that imo#if only bh gave their albums equal treatment cause rn the bias is off the charts#also rn the album releases are like a race#they’re all being released so quickly one after another i really do not like this method :/#all this for an ot7 cb…i miss ot7 so much as well but i think they all should be given the chance to spread their wings equally first…i can#wait for the ot7 cb
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