#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope
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la-galaxie-langblr · 3 months ago
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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annakie · 4 years ago
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A Lot of Words about a Thing
This is a “I’m writing this out so next time someone asks I can just point them to this (or copy/paste) instead of having to type it again” thing.
I’ve been doing Hello Fresh for the last two or three months and I thought I’d talk about the ups and downs of it and if I’m going to keep doing it.  This is not an endorsement (which will be clear when you get to the overall middling scoring), but I will put a link at the bottom so we can both get a deal if you want to try it.
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So anyway, I had been thinking about doing a meal kit for a long time but pulled the trigger on it back in... like Mid-January, I guess? 
the tl;dr of it all is that I like it and I’ll probably keep doing it for awhile, but it’s not for everyone, and is expensive for what it is, especially if you already know how to cook.
Before I started, I made myself sit down and write out a quick list of what I wanted to get out of trying a meal kit experience, so I’ll rate how successful or not each one of those things is.
First of all, I want to also say, I can already cook.  I’m a pretty good cook.  I can follow a recipe and improvise successfully when necessary usually.  One reason why a lot of people do a meal kit is because they need to learn how to cook and that definitely wasn’t me.
Also, they offer a variety of number and portions on meals to try.  I get three meals a week, with two portions a meal, which means I cook Hello Fresh for dinner one night, and usually the next night have the leftovers.  Friday night is usually “Yay You Made It To The Weekend, You Get To Order Takeout” night.  You can order for several more meals a week, and for up to four portions in each meal, if you want.
So on to the reasons why I decided to try HF, with a grading of how I feel about each one after trying.
Reason One: Try Something New
I was super excited at the beginning of the pandemic now working from home full time, because this was a great chance to really start trying some new recipes.  I had fallen into a pretty bad rut for awhile of some of the same frozen type meals or just making super easy things for dinner and sandwiches for lunch pre-pandemic.  Even though my commute was stupid easy I often felt too wiped at the end of the day to make like, real meals.  So when the pandemic hit and I was Home All The Time, for the first couple of months I was buying interesting ingredients (what I could get my hands on at the time) and really digging into making new and interesting things.  Even baking my own bread and bought some new kitchen gadgets like a pressure cooker to expand my repertoire. 
By like... the end of summer... well the good news was that I was still cooking and hadn’t fallen back to a packaged-food routine most of the time (though still some frozen pizzas or bags of pre-made Asian or Italian food you cook on the stovetop mostly for lunch) but also I had more or less found The Ten Things I Make (like Spaghetti, a great chicken and rice dish that is so good and makes about 6 meals worth of leftovers) and I was real tired of like, recipe hunting.  The most work I was then doing was finding new pressure cooker recipes and tbh almost all of what I was making was Chicken In Some Kind of Sauce Over Rice.  I was burned out.
So Hello Fresh... has been great for that.  I have only made the same thing a couple of times and those were only because i loved them so much the first time I wanted that thing again.  For the most part, I have tried just a ton of new things, including some ingredients I’ve never worked with before or really thought I wouldn’t like!  And I did!  I feel like I am often trying something I have never made before.
Reason 1.5: Variety
OK this is hand-in-hand with Something New but also slightly different.
Try Something New would be rated like a 4.5 out of 5 stars.... but some stars are taken away though, because a lot of their recipes are very similar.  For a protein, there’s like, chicken breasts, hamburger meat, pork chops, chicken sausage and pork sausage.  Occasionally steak.  Basically every meal will start with one of those things.... oh and I guess there’s like some fish choices, but I hate fish.  There’s also vegetarian options, which I have only occasionally gotten.  So within the variety, there’s a lot of similarities.
Also there are a lot of same ingredients in their recipes.  I have grated a lot of lemons and limes.  I have chopped up a lot of carrots, green onions, and potatoes (so many potatoes.)  I have consumed more sour cream than I ever have.  I have started looking for ways to add even a little more variety to the things that are often-repeats that they give you.  
But part of that is my fault -- I am mostly selecting items that I know I will like, or can modify to how I like.  There are a lot of veggie and fish-based choices I could pick up most weeks which I avoid. 
And almost everything I’ve ever made... I’d make again.  I save all the recipe cards so that someday when I don’t wanna do HF anymore, I will have all them all handy to make later.  The HF Subreddit also has a lot of resources like how to do their custom spice mixes, very handy.   There’s been maybe 3 things I’ve made which I’d say were Just Okay, but nothing I’d say that was bad.   And some of the ideas in this paragraph I talk about more, further down.
But also on the topic of “Variety” -- since every meal I make has two portions (occasionally I will stretch something to three) -- points are given back because I’m not “Making a huge pot of spaghetti that I eat for five meals in a row.”  So that’s good, even if it means more cooking overall.
So honestly, on Something New overall, I’ll give this like a 3.5 out of 5 stars, correcting up to 4 stars on a curve, since I strike entire categories of their offerings based on my own tastes.  They offer a pretty good variety of meals to select, and part of the problem here is my fault for hating All Seafood and not being thrilled with the vegetarian options (I also don’t feel like I’m getting my money’s worth without a protein) so there are a lot of meals re-using similar ingredients.   It slides back down to a 3.5 though when you factor in Reasons 3 & 4 below.
Reason Two: Kill Analysis Paralysis
A thing I found increasingly happening by the end of last year was analysis paralysis.  Especially as I started a new job where I’m much, much busier (but happier) in October.  I would find myself staring at the fact that I’d have to make the decision on What To Make For Dinner and dreading it more and more.  It wasn’t really the cooking I hated, but the deciding what to cook, which got me into the lack of variety rut.  More often than I’d like to admit I’d just make a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese or like... just... toast... for dinner because the decision-making part of my brain was tired... or out of spoons as the kids say these days.
This is maybe my favorite part of Hello Fresh overall.  Once every week or two I log onto HF, pick what I’m going to eat like... 5 or 6 weeks in the future, which I can do at a time when I have that decision-making energy, and forget about it.  Every Monday a box shows up on my doorstep, I see what nice things I picked out for myself several weeks ago, and the most I have to decide is which order I will make those things in.
So when it’s a “Make Dinner” day, I don’t have that “shit, I have to make a decision” feeling.  I already know because I pre-planned it back when I wasn’t at the end of a long workday.  It’s one of those small, dumb things that really really helps me mentally in an almost inexplicable way.  And I can feel better about myself because I didn’t eat something dumb for dinner.  And I still allow myself to make easy things for lunch, like a small frozen pizza, a sandwich and some chips, or hey, Kraft Dinner.  And sometimes I do make a big pot of Spaghetti or something that I love and will just have that for lunch every day for a week, and so I don’t have to feel like I’m always cooking.
And on Eat HF Leftovers For Dinner nights, that’s even better, because I have a tasty meal and it just had to get reheated in the microwave or stovetop.  Some meals are easy to half-prepare ahead of time on day one, and just do the last steps on leftover night the next night to have fresher dinner easily.
 Just 5 out of 5 stars here.  This is my favorite part.
Reason Three: Eat More Vegetables.
Uh, yeah, I’m terrible about eating veggies on my own.  The best I can do usually is buy a bag of mixed greens and try to have a side salad with dinner, or buy bags of frozen foods and hope they come with veggies I’d eat. 
So the good thing here, is that when HF sends me vegetables to make, if it’s a veggie I like, I’ll probably make it.
The big problem, though, is that there’s no substitutions.  And I’m still not gonna eat brussell sprouts or, broccoli, or mushrooms. I was a sport and tried making them (except the mushrooms) the first time I got recipes that used them as sides.  And nope... still cant.
But hey, I have done a lot better at eating more fresh green beans, and onions, and carrots, and peppers.  Though sometimes I just snack on the bell pepper instead of cooking it. Still, I call it a win.
I really, really wish I could trade out the side-dish vegetables I know I won’t eat for like, a small side salad, an apple, or hey, even just... carrots!  But nope, no substitutions. =\  I’d score this way better if we could do so.
Still, I’m doing better here, and overall, more vegetables are being eaten.  So, 3 out of 5 stars.
Reason Four: Waste Less Food
The amount of fruit and vegetables I’ve ordered and thrown away over the last year make me cringe.  I would order things with every intention of eating them and then just... not.  Oh yeah I need two lemons, an orange and two limes in case I make ____ recipe!  I need a new bag of baby carrots to snack on and make a side dish and cut into a salad! 
And then I maybe... maybe use half of that before it goes bad.
Probably less.  Because of the Analysis Paralysis and not trying new things.  You run into that problem where you don’t have the ingredients on hand to make a new thing so you can’t make a new thing... but then you buy them but forgot (crucial thing) so the thing still doesn’t get made.  Or you just... don’t plan when you’re gonna make the thing and by the time I’d be like “Oh yeah I should make something with those vegetables” they’d have already turned.
SO... I felt shitty throwing away so much produce, and loaves of bread, and other perishable food that got maybe half-eaten.  So much, for so long.  Yeah, I know I could do better with my meal planning, but it’s been one of those things I always vow to do, and then did not do that thing.
Doing HF has really made me re-evaluate what I buy as groceries, and I have cut way down on ordering unnecessary produce and perishables like bread.  Because I don’t really have to worry about dinner and am allowing myself to do easy lunches that don’t require real “cooking.”  So, overall I am definitely buying and tossing less food.
Also just as another quick note -- what also tends to get tossed out of my HF boxes is a “spicy ingredient”  But in some ways, this works in HF’s favor.  I don’t really like spicy foods.  A small amount of spice is OK but I’d rather just do without it in most things, sorry I’m that white girl.  Most “Spicy” HF meals get spicy by a spice blend, a packet of sriracha / hot sauce, or a jalapeno which they want you to cut up and include.  So whenever I see something that looks good but listed as “spicy”, I can check the ingredient list first and see what makes it spicy, If I think the thing still sounds good without the spicy part, I can order it.  So yeah, I’ll toss spicy ingredients, but that is 100% my choice and it makes things better because it gives me more variety to order those meals and still make it to my own taste.
Oh, and occasionally, the produce is just bad when you get it or not long after.  I haven’t had this problem often, mostly with ginger and garlic.  I do evaluate which meal has the most perishables when I get my box on Mondays and make those first.  Apparently you can call customer service if this happens for a small credit, but I just use pre-diced garlic or powdered ginger when this has happened to me.
So, this would be a 4.5 out of 5 except for... as discussed above... I end up tossing out HF vegetables on occasion I know I hate and won’t eat, and they won’t let me make substitutions. 
But also... cooking for myself... when I make a big batch of something that lasts 4 - 6 portions... more often than I’d like to admit, the last portion or two would never get eaten.  Sometimes I’d TELL myself I’d eat them in a week or so and freeze them only to throw it all away months later.
So let’s call this a 4 out of 5.  Overall, significantly less food waste with HF.
Reason Five: Save Time
I thought that doing HF would mean less prep-work and less time in the kitchen, especially with their easy-to-follow recipes and pre-measured ingredients.
So in that way, yes, time is saved, and it so again takes that mental load off in a lot of ways of not having to make all those pesky decisions.  The materials you’re working with and what you need to do are all Right There for you.  It’s really, nice.
As a side note, like I said I’m a good cook, and I haven’t had any problems following along anything I’ve made, but there were a few things I think are more of a moderate skill level and could be a little challenging for newcomers.  But then, I see people on the HF subreddit all the time saying they learned to cook with no skill and they find the recipes easy so... we’re good there.
However, Saving Time loses points for two big reasons:
First, I’m only making two portions of each meal.  Which, ok... this is my decision.  I could order four portions per meal.  But then... hey that’s taking big points away on the “variety” front. 
The Vegetable Chopping / prep work on a lot of the recipes often takes 10 - 20 minutes, depending on the number of fruits and veggies.  So yay for meeting Goal #3 (more veggies) even if it is balanced out by Goal #5.
And unfortunately, most meals end up taking up more dishes than I’d like to clean up (usually at least a pan and baking sheet, sometimes also a pot.  Plus knife, cutting board, tongs, stirring spoon, maybe a zester, etc.)  So no time is saved on cleanup, either.
Mostly where time is saved is having to pick out recipes and making sure you have/buy all the ingredients.  Not much is saved in the actual cooking.
I do, however, enjoy the time I spent cooking and the knowledge that I’m gonna make something good, so we’ll give it a bit back, there.
As a time saver, I’d give HF a 2.5 out of 5 stars.
Reason Six: Save Money
Y’all, Hello Fresh is expensive.  Honestly the #1 reason I re-evaluate whether I want to keep going with it every few weeks is the cost.  Even though I can afford it.
For basically six meals a week, I’m paying $63 for the food, plus $9 for the shipping.
Which means I’m paying $12 a meal.  For food I make myself.
Not cheap.  A luxury.
Where I don’t feel quite so bad about it is the fact that... for the most part, I am wasting a lot less food.  Except, as mentioned, when I can’t swap out vegetables I hate for something I’d actually eat.
So that makes it irk me even more when I am throwing out vegetables I really hate, because they’re expensive vegetables.
Also that price tag is motivation to make and eat every meal.
Overall, my grocery bills have gone down... honestly pretty significantly.  Because I’m not overbuying food!  Now, they haven’t gone down enough to even out the cost for Hello Fresh... I’m still probably spending about 50% more overall for each dinner now than I was before.
This isn’t a cost savings.  It’s an expense, but one I can afford.  And part of writing out this post is to remind myself to decide when the experience is no longer worth the expense.
1 out of 5 stars.
Reason Seven: Eat Better
I would like to challenge myself to define “Better” because that’s all I wrote down when I made the list.
Healthier?  Eeeehhhhhh.... maybe?  But not much.
Hello Fresh does offer lighter choices, and sometimes I pick those because they look good and are filled with things I will eat!
But I’m just as likely to pick the most calor-ific things on the menu.
HF also adds a lot of Sour Cream to their recipes, and encourage you to salt and butter your food liberally.  I try to cut down on some of this where I think it’s too much.  But sometimes there’s not much to cut out and still have the meal you ordered.
But also I’m not eating any worse calorie-wise than I was before, probably.  And overall I’m eating a lot more “real food” instead of “packaged food” and fast food than I was.... especially pre-pandemic.  And again, I AM eating a lot more vegetables, so.... that’s... better?
If I define better as Tastier, yeah, I’m doing pretty good in that regard, haha. 
So Better as in healthier: 2.5 of 5 stars.
Better as in tastier: 4 out of 5 stars.
Overall Scoring & Tips
Okay, overall that comes out to a 3.18 out of 5, which I’d round up to a 3.5... which is a pretty good score for how I feel about HF overall.  My current plan is to keep doing it until I go back to working in the office again, and re-evaluate.  For now, it works for me.
IF YOU WANT TO TRY IT, this is my referral link, you’ll get $70 off over a month’s worth of meals (so like, $20 or something off 3 boxes and $10 off the last one, something like that. 
I also have four “Free box” codes to give out, PM me if you want one of those.  I don’t think those are compatible with the $70 off link, but it might be a box of completely free food for you?  I don’t know how it works, but this may be the better deal?  PM me.
If you decide to go for it, here’s a few tips:
Every week or two, go in and choose your meals, don’t let HF choose for you unless you really don’t care.
Read the ingredient list and make sure there’s not too much stuff you don’t like coming in a meal.
The extras are pretty expensive and not really worth it.
Plan on each meal taking about 45 minutes to cook from start to finish including chopping vegetables.  Another 10 - 20 with cleanup depending if you have to handwash dishes or not.
Look for ways to make the meal healthier, especially if it encourages you to add more butter and salt near the end.  You probably do NOT need to do so.
Buy a decent pepper.  I love McCormick’s Peppercorn Medley pepper grinder.  Also sea salt grinder is my personal salt preference.
Add some of your own seasonings.  I buy a jar of pre-diced garlic (yes yes I know the criticisms of the stuff but it’s easy) and throw in a half tablespoon or so of that into a lot of recipes.  Also there are a lot of potatoes that they want you to just cook with olive oil, salt and pepper.  Throw some garlic or onion salt on them, or some Lawry’s Seasoning Salt or steak salt of your choice for some variety.
Your basic 2 quart pot, 8 - 12″ frying pan and cookie sheet, plus a cutting board, decent veggie knife, and typical kitchen utensil set are all you need.  However, a decent meat thermometer and a zester that collects the zest as you go are both highly recommended. 
A sieve and very small rice cooker have also been a lifesaver for making good rice that doesn’t get overcooked.
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coyotiearch · 4 years ago
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               LAYER  001 :   THE  OUTSIDE.
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NAME -   malia cassidy tate. EYE COLOR -   dark brown, blue as coyote. HAIR STYLE / COLOR -   naturally dark brown, gets blonde highlights. keeps cut short, just above her shoulders and lets it keep its natural wave. HEIGHT -   5′8″ CLOTHING  STYLE -    usually wears a lot of mismatching clothes, never really been one for having a particular style. wears a lot of shorts with high-knee socks, a lot of flannels and vintage sportswear. usually goes for comfort over style. doesn’t wear a lot of accessories. BEST  PHYSICAL  FEATURE -   if one were to ask malia, she would say her best physical feature is her smile. a smile can be so many things, bared teeth is usually a sign of aggression for animals, so she likes the implication that a smile can be both kind and threatening. 
                LAYER  002 :   THE  INSIDE.
FEARS -   driving. to this day, malia still doesn’t like driving. it is something that she can do, but she is always on high alert when she does so. anyone who drives with her will notice how tense she is the entire time. this also applies to being a passenger in a car as well.  GUILTY  PLEASURE -   “reality” tv shows. some of her favourites include: tattoo far, pawns stars, storage wars & nailed it. BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE -   people who are close to her lying to her!! but also people who talk way too loudly on the phone in public. AMBITIONS  FOR  THE  FUTURE -   truth be told, malia doesn’t have a lot of goals for the future. due to the nature of her job, she spends a lot more time thinking about the right now rather than the future. she would like to see some more of the world, however.
                LAYER  003 :   THOUGHTS.
FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP -  panic. she still suffers from awful night terrors, often wakes up in a cold sweat because of it. THINKS  ABOUT  MOST -   the guilt of what happened to her sister and mother still eats at her; especially when she is having a good time, or feels happy, the guilt starts to encroach and makes her feel awful about being a survivor.  THINKS  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED -   what she has to do the next morning, and sometimes, if she is feeling sentimental, she thinks about beacon hills & her pack. WHAT  THEY  THINK  THEIR  BEST  QUALITY  IS -   where some people will think it comes off as rude or blunt, malia likes that she has a no-nonsense attitude. it allows her to speak her mind freely, with little care about how it might affect others. 
                LAYER  004 :   WHAT’S  BETTER ?
SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES -   single, much more intimate.  TO  BE  LOVED  OR  RESPECTED -    respected. BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS -   brains! DOGS  OR  CATS -    dogs, absolutely. cats don’t like her.
                 LAYER  005 :   DO  THEY…
LIE -    sometimes, but only as part of her job. she tends to not keep too many secrets from those she genuinely cares about. BELIEVE  IN  THEMSELVES -  most of the time. BELIEVE  IN  LOVE -   not in this point in her life, no. perhaps she might have at one point, but now she tends to keep herself closed off in that regard. WANT  SOMEONE -   sometimes, when she gets lonely.
                  LAYER  006 :   HAVE  THEY  EVER…
BEEN  ON  STAGE -   nope. DONE  DRUGS -   yes - to little effect, however. GOTTEN  DRUNK -  yes, again, to little effect. CHANGED  WHO  THEY  WERE  TO  FIT  IN -  not intentionally. she does dull down her brash attitude depending on who she is with, sometimes.
                  LAYER  007 :   FAVORITES.
FAVORITE COLOR -  purple FAVORITE  ANIMAL -   dogs!!  FAVORITE  MOVIE -   her favourite movie as a child was dumbo, she still watches it sometimes. star wars has a special place in her heart as it was one of the first “adult” movies she watched thanks to stiles. FAVORITE  GAME -   crash bandicoot.
                  LAYER  008 :   SLEEP.
HEAVY  OR  LIGHT  SLEEPER -   light sleeper, thanks to supernatural hearing & coyote instincts. WHAT  SIDE  OF  THE  BED  DO  THEY  SLEEP  ON -  the left, or the middle depending on if she is alone or not. WHAT  DO  THEY  WEAR  TO  BED -   usually a large tee-shirts and underwear in summer, the same but with long pants in the cooler months. WEIRD  THINGS  THEY  DO  IN  THEIR  SLEEP -   she moves a lot in her sleep - you know how dogs sometimes run in their sleep if they’re dreaming? yeah, malia does the same thing. she also usually ends up cuddling something -- her pillow, anyone who sleeps in bed with her -- for comfort.
                 LAYER  009 :   LOVE.
BIG  DECLARATIONS  OR  SMALL -  small. OPEN  OR  CLOSED  OFF -  definitely closed off. LOVE  AT  FIRST  SIGHT  OR  SLOW  BURN -   slow burn. ONE  TRUE  LOVE  OR  A  STRING.    malia convinces herself she is happy with a string of different lovers, but somewhere deep down, she wonders if she would find herself more at peace if she just had one person. coyotes mate for life, you see.
                  LAYER  010 :   FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.
I  LOVE -  my dad.  I  FEEL -  so much. I  HIDE -  the crushing anxiety. I  MISS -  my sister & my mom. I  WISH -  i could take it back.
TAGGED  BY - stole it from @blindhim​ TAGGING - @skaiwar​ , @biirdbone​ , @hellconsumed​ 
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ladyloveandjustice · 5 years ago
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Summer 2019 Anime Quick Takes: Astra Lost in Space and Fruits Basket
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Astra Lost in Space
This little sci-fi doesn’t exactly rocket into greatness, but it’s a sweet, entertaining show. Set in the future, it follows a group of schoolkids who find themselves stranded in space. As they struggle to find their way back home, they find out they’re connected by many mysteries and begin to unravel a conspiracy.
The space kids are are all fairly likeable dorks who have enjoyable relationships with each other. The main character Kanata is a pretty standard shonen lead, but he’s a likeable variation- his straightfoward dumb goofiness is charming and his devotion to his friendfamily is often adorable. However, the insistence on him always being the big action hero made for a less effective story and came at the expense of a stronger ensemble. There’s a lot  of fuss made about how everyone in the team is important and contributes, and they do all get moments to shine, but at the end of the day it’s always about how great Kanata is. During the climax, there’s some big revelations that majorly concern to the female lead of the series, Aries. Since she was the person most impacted, her response and her feelings should have taken center stage. This was a revelation designed to cause HER turmoil and uncertainty, after all. She has the most interesting potential emotional journey here and seeing her struggle and then assert herself thanks to the support of her friends would really sell the found family theme of the show. But nope, the show can’t let anyone but Kanata get the big climactic moments and speeches, so he responds FOR Aries before she even has a chance to struggle, which is obviously way less powerful. Aries and the rest of the vibrant cast are mostly reduced to standing in the background and occasionally gasping while Kanata gets to do everything, which is a waste.
While it could have been more well-balanced. I do appreciate the show’s cute found family aspect and how the story goes out of its way to say if the people who raised you are shitty, throw them in the trash. The kids journeys are all about finding true acceptance, love and support in each other after being denied it in their own homes, and that rules.
The show is respectful of the characters for the most part- there’s some tame fanservice (like the obligatory few minutes where the girls compare breast sizes while in swimsuits, ugh), but the girls are capable members of the team, get some development and aren’t treated like garbage, so the series hops over that low bar at least. (Though it’s kinda whatever that the guys and girls roles/ambitions just happen to coincide with traditional gender expectations a lot of the time, especially at the end. Not horrible, but it can niggle.)
It’s notable, since it’s a rarity in both anime and media in general, that there’s an intersex character in this series. The show seemed to at least be trying to be sympathetic and supportive toward said character (moreso than a lot of stories), but it’s not really my lane to evaluate whether they tried hard enough or how well they did with the representation. There are potential positives, and potential issues as well, and I’d be interested to hear an intersex person’s take on it.
 I WILL say that this character is easily my favorite member of the cast (btw they do identify as a specific gender and discuss that in detail, I’m just being vague to minimize spoilers). They have a lovable personality and fun relationships with some of the other characters. The way they’re confident and comfortable with who they were but also loved to make silly jokes about it and troll their friends was relatable and endearing to me as a person with a marginalized identity who sometimes does the same. 
So yeah, the series has some cute characters, sweet moments and a decent enough plot. It definitely doesn’t reinvent the wheel when it comes to sci-fi and shonen tropes and some of the twists it throws at you kind of fall apart logically if you think about them for more than ten seconds, but you just want to turn your brain off and enjoy a silly but heartfelt story about a teen space fam, this is a fine choice.
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Fruits Basket (episodes 13-25)
Fruits Basket Season 1 continues! It continues in the same vein as earlier episodes, only with characters growing, backstories being revealed and dramatic developments- all of which are good stuff. My faves Arisa and Hana get their backstory episodes early, and of course I adore them. Love my cool, troubled girls and love their friendship with Tohru. There’s still the stuff that might put people off the first half- 90′s anime-esque gender tropes etc, slaptick abuse played for laughs.
The anime did at least tone down the problems with Ritsu’s parts in the manga, removing most of the mean comments regarding crossdressing, which is good. It probably could have done even more in that area but I’ll take what I can get.
While the adaptation did a good there, it also did a bad with a very jarring moment where a character gets launched into the air (YEET) during an important moment in the seasons final episodes. If you watched, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The exaggerated violence is really jarring during what’s supposed to be a more grounded, dramatic moment. It feel almost comical and more at home in a slapstick scene. On top of that, it’s damaging to both the characters involved, making one a lot more dangerously violent and life-threatening than they’re supposed to be, and the other more  questionable in that they shrug it off so easily. The more grounded violent moment in the manga was much more fitting and better executed all around (especially when it comes to use of space and emotional framing), so I have no idea WHY they changed it.
Other than that though, the final episodes of the season are pretty effective. The series remains emotional and entertaining overall, so I look forward to more of that with season 2. My memories about the rest of the story are still very fuzzy, so I’m glad to be rediscovering it.
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nixie-deangel · 7 years ago
Note
Imagine this: Mick Rory and Gina Linetti meet.
God, that would be amazing! I’m not big into crossovers but THIS! wow. I’m just. Yes. This is something I think I need in my  life.
Like. Okay, I don’t know why but this is where my brain went with this:
Barry and Gina are cousins, Nora and Darlene were cousins, never close but good terms up and spoke often, up until Nora went off to College in Central and married Henry and settled there. Though they still stayed in touch, it became less and less over the years. After she died, Darlene expressed an interest in taking Barry in, but Joe talked her into agreeing that he was the better choice. 
Over the years, Barry would get to go and stay with his Aunt Dee and cousin Gina, for a few weeks out of the summer, and if it could be swung, every other holiday season (though, those times were extremely rare). They were the only two who had believed Barry and never questioned his faith in his father (Darlene and Gina didn’t buy Henry hurting Nora), so it was a good break from Joe constantly telling him he couldn’t see Henry, that he needed to start accepting that Henry DID kill his mother.
Fast forward a few years, it’s just after Barry’s woken up from his coma and finding out he’s got powers, and Barry doesn’t even think about detouring after his talk with Oliver and making his way up to New York where his aunt and cousin and telling them everything. Joe and everyone can dictate who he tells in Central but fuck if Barry’s keeping this from his Aunt Dee and Gina, he’ll be damned if they don’t know.
They take it….pretty well. Neither are exactly happy but they also know what kind of person Barry is, so they support him, and keep a tally of people they gonna wreck for the shit they’re doing to Barry.
Another fast forward to after the whole thing with Eo/Wells and Gina just says nope, she gonna go see her baby cousin and wreck some shit after she and Darlene get visited by a sad, broken looking Barry, who’s just closed by a black hole and is alienating his friends and family in Central. He talks her out of it, of course but she also makes him promise to call her everyday, keep her in the loop or else she will bring her happy ass down to Central.
It works.
Barry keeps her up to date. Hell, Gina knows more then anyone. She knows about Iris and Eddie getting married, about Barry really moving on and getting over her. She knows about the weird, tentative truce he has with Captain Cold and Heatwave. Knows about Eo/Wells leaving him Star Labs and giving him the proof to get Henry out of prison.
Which is when Gina, in true Gina fashion, shows up in Central, because she was never close with Nora or Henry, but damn if she ain’t gonna show up to support her family, especially since Henry doesn’t have many true people in his corner, besides Barry. 
Like Barry knew would happen, Gina trolls Joe and every cop she comes in contact with. Gets on with Cisco like a house on fire. Caitlin and Iris get on with her, but there’s an edge with Iris, until Gina sees with her own eyes her Bambi cousin really is good with Iris having married Eddie.
It’s two days before Gina goes back to NY, she and Barry have just seen Henry off, and Barry flashes them to a dive bar and they talk. It’s the first time they’ve been alone since Gina arrived.
So they talk and talk. 
And then Gina, out of the corner of her eye, spots a burly, angry looking bear and a pretty blue eyed, frowning thunk, over at the bar, frowning and eyeing their table with….is that jealousy? 
Before she can say anything to Barry, he’s flushing and ducking his head and Gina knows exactly who they are but before she can say anything, Cold and Heat are sliding home, inquiring as to who the fuck she is and Gina can’t help but have fun. She lets her full sass out and somehow it turns into her and Snart trading barbs for almost a half hour before Barry cuts in and lets them both know she’s his older cousin, come in to celebrate Henry’s release.
Mick flicks his eyes over the woman, before grunting while inclining his head towards her. 
“Bambi,” Gina starts, voice playful and teasing, “Why didn’t you tell me you had such fine sugar daddies?” She can’t help but as her lips split into a smirk as Barry sputters, spraying his coke all over Snart, who slides back, scarping his chair harshly against the floor.
Before Snart can snap out something, Barry’s shooting up, grabbing the man along with him and dragging him towards the bathroom, all the while apologizing as they go.
“S’not like that,” Mick rumbles out after a moment of stilted silence settles around them.
“Oh,” Gina purrs as she turns her head, eyes zeroing in on Mick. “I know. Bambi tells me everything.” She settles back in her seat, lets her gaze flick up and down what she can see, what isn’t blocked by the table.
“You both aren’t horrible,” she starts, voice deadly serious, “But if you hurt Bambi, it isn’t that idiot playing Medieval times or Detective Blind side that’ll be your biggest worry. The Linetti’s take care of their own.”
They keep one another’s gaze for another moment, before sharing a nod of understanding, just as Barry and Snart come bursting out of the bathroom, Barry blushing, while Len is sauntering after him, lips curled up into a playful smirk.
What the hell is this gibberish????? I have no idea. I’m so tired, and I”m so sorry.
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the-first-date · 5 years ago
Text
A conversation with Emma Zack [27/F/Brooklyn]
Madge Maril: Hello Emma!! Thank you for joining me on gchat this lovely evening. What are you up to today?
Emma Zack: HEY DARLIN! I'm here at my desk, doing my job. You know, the usual.
MM: Yes! Usual. What's your job?
EZ: Suppose you could say I have two! My day job (9-5) is as the publications manager at the Innocence Project. My other job, which only recently turned into another full-time job, is being the owner of a plus-sized vintage shop, Berriez!
MM: Well now I have to ask how you got into both.
EZ: Haha. Do it.
MM: How did you get into these two very different positions?
EZ: I'll start with the Innocence Project. I've studied prisons/criminology since I was a freshman in college. I worked in prisons/in the criminal justice sphere in college, and after college, decided that I wanted to continue on this path. I got a job at the Innocence Program in Boston, which then led me to the Innocence Project in NYC! And as for Berriez, I started it because I needed a hobby. I was (and still am tbh) really depressed, and needed something to get my mind smiling. Also, I had a bunch of clothing. Also also, I was shopping vintage online often and was never finding my size. So, all of those factors led me to start Berriez!
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MM: So many questions — but maybe the weirdest one first. So you're from Boston, and now you live in NYC. What's that experience like? Do you feel like a cool New Yorker? I've heard that's a feeling.
EZ: Lol!! Quite the opposite, really. I oftentimes feel like a loser. I am a homebody and rarely leave the house, unlike most New Yorkers. Also, I move at a very slow pace, and New York is so. Freakin. Fast. It's hard to keep up. But, I will say that it's 854930574389574 times better than boring ole Boston!
MM: I've also heard about this fast pace. But honestly I don't think I know what it means? Is it more just how busy people are? 
EZ: It's the strangest thing. Since I moved to New York, I've developed insomnia, am bad at responding to texts/keeping in touch with people (which I used to be so good at before NYC), and seeing people — even my best friends — is hard because everyone is just so "busy." Not sure what we're all doing, but all I know is that we're busy. Also, let's talk about how everyone here walks fast. I truly can't keep up. I walk so slow, and people make fun of me for it all the time… like, let a girl walk at her own pace!
MM: Hahaha that's really all I've ever connected in my brain before when I've heard about New Yorkers pace — like a literal fast walking pace. 
EZ: It's true!
MM: And I know you have a ~ partner. Did y'all meet in Boston or NYC?
EZ: Nope, we met here in NYC!
MM: What was that like? Do you think the NYC climate of fast-paced energy affected it at all? 
EZ: What was meeting my partner in NYC like?
MM: Yeah! It seems so idyllic to me, a midwesterner, while also seeming like it could be intense with how busy people are.
EZ: Oh yeah, it really just kind of happened. And I met him only a month after I moved here! It was so unplanned. When we met, I knew there was something there, something special. I wouldn't say it was NYC though — I'd say it was the ~universe~ and the timing of it all meeting each other at certain points in our lives where we could commit to each other, etc.
MM: So do you believe in fate?
EZ: Lol, no.
MM: Hahahaha.
EZ: But I believe that everything happens for a reason? Bad or good? Is that fate? I don't think so. I also don't believe in "1 tru luv.”
MM: I don't think I do either! Though I really did as a kid. Like X Files... I want to believe.
EZ: Totally… I did too! But not anymore, even though I love my partner so much. And want to stay with him.
MM: I think those two things can co exist, because same for me with mine — a love, but also realizing that there have been other people, and could be other people, and that you're actively choosing this one person right now though.
EZ: Exactly!
MM: Also while I am extremely enjoying this I can feel the unseen reader wanting me to ask you about Berriez. 
EZ: Of course, of course. Lemme hear the questions!
MM: Where to begin! You mentioned a lot that I want to know more about — starting a business (can't imagine), starting a business with depression, online vintage, plus-size vintage. Can you tell me more about any of those things, whatever you want to tell me about?
EZ: Hmmmmmm. Well, I suppose when I started Berriez (formerly known as Fruity Looms), I didn't intend for it to be a "Business.” Or, rather, I didn't think of it as a business. I just thought of it as something I was doing in my free time with my friends (who would model for me).
MM: RIP Fruity Looms.
EZ: RIP FRUITY LOOMS 💔. It started to take off about 4 months in I'd say, that's when it started to get a bit more busy. Then, over the summer, it truly turned into a "business"/full-time job… it's still something I do in my free time, but it's no longer a hobby per se. It's a job. I still love it with all my heart! It's just a lot more work than when I started.
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MM: I was about to ask — that can be hard, right? Turning a passion project into a job. I feel like it's not something that's talked about a lot, and people really idealize creatives who get to work in their own creative fields — especially fashion because glamour! Glam! But then there's this unspoken weight where you've morphed something you love into your "Career.”
EZ: Yup!! It's very weird, and I'm in this strange place where I really don't know what I'm doing or what I want to do, because I've done criminal justice work for so long, and Berriez really just popped in out of nowhere… do I want to take that risk? Leaving criminal justice to pursue Berriez full-time? I don't know! I suppose I could always go back. It doesn't seem reliable to me. It's scary.
MM: Why? 
EZ: Well... money, for starters! And I work well having a set schedule. Wake up at 6 to work on Berriez, go to my other job, come home to work on Berriez. If I didn't have my other job, would it be hard for me to fill that time? Would I be strict enough with myself? Also, when I don't have structure, I fall into a depression. Although, shit, I'm depressed now and I have all the structure in the world! Also side note: not glamorizing this busy NYC lifestyle. It is not fun. It is not healthy. Wow, am I talking too much? It's like you're my therapist or something. Lemme take a step back, ha!
MM: Omg no. I love it! Please talk about this as much as you like. I think it's all important, especially the reality that goes on behind the Instagram screen (poetry, I know). Because real talk when I first met you online, I was like wow! Look at her! Doing it all! Fashion! Rising star! It's so easy to project those sort of things online.
EZ: Yep, yep. Instagram is a ~facade~ amiright?!?! Lmaoooo!! In reality... I'm just a homebody/stoner/depressed/anxious/chronically ill/loving gal.
MM: Which is so much better! And realer! Is it odd to interact with so many people in Berriez and also the Innocence Project that are sort of living that facade, do-it-all life? I feel like fashion and law may have close ties; it's all very ~chic~ non?
EZ: YES YES YES. Everyone's just trying to do it all and take care of themselves. But who are we doing it all for? That's what I've been asking myself lately.
MM: Do you feel like this intensity affects your style, and how you dress at work or on Instagram (your other work)? 
EZ: Interesting question. I've never thought about it that way. I feel like Berriez has really really really helped me ~find my style~ which is like, middle school art teacher... Lol. Lots of color, lots of fun, lots of patterns. 
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I'm a bigger gal, but I don't give a fuck if something isn't "flattering" per se. I come to my day job at the IP dressed like this too, since we don't have a dress code. And I am always getting compliments from my coworkers! Although they may think I'm a little nutty. Today I am wearing space buns, a red and white checkered long sleeve shirt, rhinestone hoops, vintage Levi’s, and these funny looking boots. Oh well. Did that answer your question at all? Ha.
MM: Yes!! Were you surprised when your own personal aesthetic caught on online via Berriez? Not because it's ~weird~ (to me... It is perfect) but because I'd personally find it so nice/scary/surprising if the style I'd curated, my look, resonated with people like yours does.
EZ: I guess, like, I never thought of myself as having an "aesthetic." I've kind of just always worn what I wanted to/who I've been inspired by. My friends though have always told me that I have great style and encouraged me to start a public Instagram for my outfits, but I've always been too shy. With Berriez, I can do that without showing my face!
MM: Aw, that is so sweet. And so what does Emma Zack, stylish person, wear on a first date? 
EZ: Hahahaha! I can tell you exactly what I wore on my first date with Aja. Which was three years ago, by the way! I would never wear this now. I wore tan Clarks, black opaque tights, a hunter green bodycon turtleneck midi dress (that really accentuated my curves), and a black bomber jacket. My goal was to show off my body in a modest way!
MM: Sensible. Sexy. So this would've been 2016?
EZ: Yep! Today... Hmm. I would probably still wear something to show off my body. I love my curves.
MM: Oh I'm a big show-off-on-the-first-date person. I wore the tiniest black dress on my first date with my bf. And it was also a turtleneck! I am just now realizing. I felt like it gave me that "I read books" vibe. 
EZ: Hahaha, yup! Lol. For me it was, "I listen to jazz."
MM:: Yes! Because you're a jazz singer, right? Also would love to hear about your perfume/makeup combo if you remember it! 
EZ: Yup! I sing jazz! That used to be my hobby, until I moved to New York and convinced myself that I wasn't good enough! Ha ha ha. Oh yes, I definitely remember it. I don't wear much makeup in general, so I was wearing mascara, concealer under my eyes, and maybe some chapstick! As for perfume, I was wearing Cannabis Santal by Fresh.
MM: What comes first for you, outfit or makeup or perfume? 
EZ: Outfit, always! Makeup, I don't know how to put on makeup, so I always just wear the same thing. Perfume, I rotate between the same three perfumes (that are all musky).
MM: Which are?
EZ: The cannabis one, and then these two perfume oils that I can't remember the names of.
MM: Haha it's ok! I live for musk. This is maybe tangentially related but it's where my brain is going... How do you stay authentic to yourself? I feel like as soon as I started working in fashion, I had this huge feeling of shame, that I wasn't dressing right or knew the right stuff. Do you feel that? How do you defeat it? 
EZ: I guess I don't feel it because I don't feel like I work in fashion? I mean, I suppose I do work in "fashion" or whatever, but the stakes aren't as high as working at a magazine or a blog or whatever! I just wear what I like at this point. Or what I feel like wearing! 
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And, as I've gotten older and more comfortable with myself, I've started to give less of a shit about what other people think of me or the way I dress. Don't get me wrong though, sometimes I'm totally like, do I look insane??? If I go to an event dressed like this, will I fit in?!
MM: Yes! Those are my main feelings, as someone who used to wear a ton of color and print and has been shying away from it.
EZ: Meh. Sometimes I feel like Berriez to be more minimal, and I need to sell more earth tones and plain shit like most vintage shops do. But that's just not me, that's never been me. I'm a straight-up maximalist hahahaha! That's not who Berriez is or why people like it!
MM: I really admire that about you! And your business! And that you have a business, haha. 
EZ: Lol at me having a business.
MM: You do! You truly do!! Final question, since I know we've been chatting for a minute — how was your last first date? 
EZ: Welp, it was in a dark bar, and it was with a cute dude who I'm still with to this day! So, I guess you could say it was a good one. 😉
MM: Ooooooo I would say so! Thank you so much for talking to me about so many things. Do you have any digital spaces you want to shout out?
EZ: Of course!! Thank you for asking me to talk!! I'm honored!!  No, just @shopberriez!!! 😉❤
MM: You heard it hear first folks. Go follow the shop. Here*. Wow. Ok. 
EZ: LOLOL!a
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girlinthecorner19 · 5 years ago
Text
Stuck With Me
He left you on read. He never does that, like ever. Your thoughts begin to wander as to attempt to make evenly winged eyeliner.
He doesn't like you anymore. Why?
You wracked your brain. Thinking of everything you have said to him in the past weeks. You smile as you recall  the jokes you cracked and fun you have had. But nothing bad comes up in your mind.
You look at your phone. No new messages.
You check your refection in the mirror. Yep, still too big of legs and still no boobs. But you definitely couldn't complain of how your butt looked in the dress. The more you looked the more doubts filled in your mind. So now you ended on it looking too big.
You were wearing a cream colored turtle neck under a baby blue, spaghetti strapped, sundress. It had little light pink flowers over it and a lacy trim. After putting your dark brown, wavey hair into a half up half down look, you looked at your phone.
Sighing at the 5:18 that showed up on your phone, you text Ned and let him know you might be a tad late.
~15 minutes later~
"GET IN LOSER WE ARE GOING SHOPPING!" I yell as Ned walks down the apartment stairs.
He gets in the car "Hey."
"Hey."
Silence which is uncommon. I squirm a bit in my seat.
Seeing as he isn't continuing the conversation I speak up.
"Did you get the texts from me and Michelle?" I say.
"Yeah, I have no idea what's wrong with him. Maybe we will figure out tonight" he says quickly, shrugs and looks out the window. Silence fills the car again.
I know you can't sound like anything over text, but Ned sounded a lot more peppy when we were texting. What was going on with your friends?
"We should go see a movie after."
Ned seems to perk up a bit at this
"Yes! The Joker is out!"
I laugh at this, I'd never been much for DC super hero comics. Especially when they are made up. It didn't really make a lot of sense why someone would make up a superhero and a super villain when there are plenty to choose from that are real.
I shrug "I'll see whatever you want bubby."
He winces at 'bubby' and goes back to looking out the window.
I feel my face getting hot. Ok mental note, after being called bubby for 3 years Ned now doesn't like it.
'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY FRIENDS!' blasts in my mind. My only hope now was that Michelle was normal.
___
To my relief she was. We got to the diner at 6:04, Michelle sitting down at our usual table in the back. We try to sit in the back as to not disturb other customers. Our laughs are usually loud and often, and we are all on a debate team so you know... we debate. But we are paying customers so we don't worry about it too much.
"Hey guys surprised to see you have made it here alive." She jokes.
"I don't know where you got that I was a bad driver!" I motion for Ned to take a seat before I slide in next to him.
"Oh I think you know." She winks
'what?' I look at her confused before she shakes her head.
"Speak of the devil" she said just as Peter walks through the door.
The little bell at the top of the door gives a joyful ring. Peter flinches.
"Hey Peter!" I say as he sits down next to Michelle.
He looks into my eyes and gives a slight smile. But says nothing.
A waiter soon comes around with menus "can I get you started off with anything to drink?"
"I will have coke" Michelle starts.
"Same" Peter mumbles.
"Sprite" Says Ned cheerfully.
"Water for me please and thank you." I say brightly, I had to stay positive. I am with my friends to get away from negativity, not have more of it."
Once the waiter left we all started talking. Peter slowly started talking more, and it all started feeling right again.
I smiled, stepping back from the conversation happiness filled my heart. There is no where I would rather be or be with.
Good Eats had become a favorite of ours. We started eating here for dinner or after school almost every weekend, for about 3 years now. It's usually pretty quiet, a steady stream of customers usually taking things to go. Which I didn't get, a big part of this place being great was the aesthetic. It reminded me of a 70s diner. Yellow booths, a jute box always playing great music, kinda ugly wall paper, and warm lighting. And the store owner was a really nice guy. He usually brings his grandkids and it's always funny when you get rung up by a 10 year old. Or have your water refilled by a 7 year old. Since we have been coming for so long so often, the owner has a special discount for us "I got to treat my best customers right!"  he would always say.
I snapped back into reality when I heard my name. I didn't really know who it came from.
"What?" I said shacking my head out of the clouds.
"We were asking about the van. Summer break is almost here, when is Caroline gonna be ready" asked Ned.
"Oh right, I would say just in time for school to let out." I said.
We had been planning our summer break since school started this year. It would be our last summer vacation ever, so it had to be epic. I always got excited butterflies from it, but it was mixed with dread too. Dread because I know when I get home my parents will be officially divorced. Not that I haven't known this was coming or that it needs to happen. It definitely does, I have a cup bruise on the side of my head to prove it. But, still I can remember when they were in love, like really in love, and I want it to go back to that. My heart feels heavy I still never know what changed for them.
No, nope stop! I feel my eyes watering. Internally I let out a big sigh. This summer vacation has to be perfect. I don't know what I will do if it's not.
"Alright let's go over the plans one last time." Peter says.
I smile reaching into my purse, pulling out a small light blue piece of paper. 1-10 lists of things we need to do while we are in California. We decided a beach trip is definitely what we needed.
I clear my throat and begin to read.
1. start off at Stark Tower to go over things with Tony such as Hotels, food reservations, and tickets
Did I mention all of this was Peter's early birthday gift from TS himself. We are all pretty jazzed.
2. head out across the country stopping at the finest Tony Stark owned hotels
3  get to LA and check out our crib
4. beach
5. Disney Land
6. Carnival
7. eat at a super fancy hotel
8. ruins of Mr. Stark's Malibu mansion
9. More beach
10. hike to the Hollywood sign
It was a packed summer for sure, but it had to be the best, it just had to be. My last slice of happiness before I move away with my mom, before I move from Queens to fuck knows where. Away from all of my friends, who are more of a family then my real ones. Who have gotten me through so much, stuck by my side through it all. Away.
"You ok La?" Ned asked his hand rests on my back, lightly rubbing it.
I shook my head back into the present. My cheeks grew warmer with embarrassment, I was crying. I quickly wiped my eyes with my sleeve, and gave a quick fake smile to my friends. They looked concerned, except Peter. He looked almost angry, this made me cry more.
"Yeah I'm fine. I-uh-i yawned." I stammered, I yawned wtf, who would believe that?!
"What the hell Lani, no one's yawns make them cry." Michelle said, her voice rose, but I knew she was just concerned.
Ned quickly dropped his hand from my back, my head instinctively turning towards him. He was looking at Peter.
"I'm fine I, i-just." I paused. I had told them about my parents getting a divorce, but not much. And I hadn't told them I was moving, and I wasn't planning on it till the trip is over. If they knew and brought it up it would just ruin the whole thing for me. I tried my hardest to not think about it ever.
"It's just my parents divorce, it's getting close to the last of all the court stuff. I just, can't stop thinking about it." My face continued the hot embarrassed sensation, I felt my under arms tingle as well, I could feel their eyes in me. My eyes stayed glued on my hands.
There was a small pause. Oh gosh this is embarrassing.
"Lani, no madder what, you will always have us. We love you." Michelle finally said.
I looked back at her, giving a genuine smile "Thanks, that means a lot."
But the little voice in the back of my mind kept screaming Except they won't always be there for you.
"Are you guys ready to order?" We all jumped a bit as the waiter had finally returned to serve us. She placed each of our drinks in front of us.
After we ordered I had asked if we could just forget I said anything, what I needed was a fun night with my friends. They all agreed and once Ned had brought up The Joker, a new conversation sprung. And I couldn't have been happier to not think about anything but my family life.
___
Once we had all gotten and eaten our food, we decided to head to the movie theater to watch The Joker.
"Ok how about Peter pays for drink, Ned pays for Popcorn, and Lani pays for the tickets?" Michelle suggests as we walk into the theater.
"Um, that's convenient, seeing as you pay for nothing!" Said Peter slightly annoyed "and we should all pay for our own tickets, they are too expensive for Lani to pay for alone."
Michelle give a little snicker before we all dicide it was every man for himself/herself.
I walk up to the counter, and smile brightly at the young man at the register. "Four tickets for The Joker, please and thank you."
"Sorry The Joker is sold out." He replies in a monotoned voice.
"What?!" Ned exclaimed "but I just checked online like 5 hours ago."
"Sorry The Joker is sold out" he repeats in the same voice. I don't blame him, he has probably had to say this so many people tonight.
"Hey, guys it's fine we can just pick another movie!" I say trying to lift their spirits.
"It 2 is out." Michelle offers.
"Yeah I'm down" says Ned
"Yeah me too" says Peter.
Three pairs of eyes look at me. I give a sheepish smile. I get scared very easily, they know this, but I'm willing to take one for the team. "Yes, let's go see It 2" I say in a not enthusiastic tone.
I turn back to the man at the register "um, four for It 2 please."
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The theater is completely empty, which makes it about 1099999373783298xs more scary, oh gosh.
Hello it is Max it was getting a little long so I'm going to stop it here. Please let me know what you think!More on Ao3! I updated more on there, so go check it out!
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