#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope

[la-galaxie-langblr]

what is going on w my brain

[annakie]

A Lot of Words about a Thing

This is a “I’m writing this out so next time someone asks I can just point them to this (or copy/paste) instead of having to type it again” thing.

I’ve been doing Hello Fresh for the last two or three months and I thought I’d talk about the ups and downs of it and if I’m going to keep doing it.  This is not an endorsement (which will be clear when you get to the overall middling scoring), but I will put a link at the bottom so we can both get a deal if you want to try it.

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So anyway, I had been thinking about doing a meal kit for a long time but pulled the trigger on it back in... like Mid-January, I guess? 

the tl;dr of it all is that I like it and I’ll probably keep doing it for awhile, but it’s not for everyone, and is expensive for what it is, especially if you already know how to cook.

Before I started, I made myself sit down and write out a quick list of what I wanted to get out of trying a meal kit experience, so I’ll rate how successful or not each one of those things is.

First of all, I want to also say, I can already cook.  I’m a pretty good cook.  I can follow a recipe and improvise successfully when necessary usually.  One reason why a lot of people do a meal kit is because they need to learn how to cook and that definitely wasn’t me.

Also, they offer a variety of number and portions on meals to try.  I get three meals a week, with two portions a meal, which means I cook Hello Fresh for dinner one night, and usually the next night have the leftovers.  Friday night is usually “Yay You Made It To The Weekend, You Get To Order Takeout” night.  You can order for several more meals a week, and for up to four portions in each meal, if you want.

So on to the reasons why I decided to try HF, with a grading of how I feel about each one after trying.

Reason One: Try Something New

I was super excited at the beginning of the pandemic now working from home full time, because this was a great chance to really start trying some new recipes.  I had fallen into a pretty bad rut for awhile of some of the same frozen type meals or just making super easy things for dinner and sandwiches for lunch pre-pandemic.  Even though my commute was stupid easy I often felt too wiped at the end of the day to make like, real meals.  So when the pandemic hit and I was Home All The Time, for the first couple of months I was buying interesting ingredients (what I could get my hands on at the time) and really digging into making new and interesting things.  Even baking my own bread and bought some new kitchen gadgets like a pressure cooker to expand my repertoire. 

By like... the end of summer... well the good news was that I was still cooking and hadn’t fallen back to a packaged-food routine most of the time (though still some frozen pizzas or bags of pre-made Asian or Italian food you cook on the stovetop mostly for lunch) but also I had more or less found The Ten Things I Make (like Spaghetti, a great chicken and rice dish that is so good and makes about 6 meals worth of leftovers) and I was real tired of like, recipe hunting.  The most work I was then doing was finding new pressure cooker recipes and tbh almost all of what I was making was Chicken In Some Kind of Sauce Over Rice.  I was burned out.

So Hello Fresh... has been great for that.  I have only made the same thing a couple of times and those were only because i loved them so much the first time I wanted that thing again.  For the most part, I have tried just a ton of new things, including some ingredients I’ve never worked with before or really thought I wouldn’t like!  And I did!  I feel like I am often trying something I have never made before.

Reason 1.5: Variety

OK this is hand-in-hand with Something New but also slightly different.

Try Something New would be rated like a 4.5 out of 5 stars.... but some stars are taken away though, because a lot of their recipes are very similar.  For a protein, there’s like, chicken breasts, hamburger meat, pork chops, chicken sausage and pork sausage.  Occasionally steak.  Basically every meal will start with one of those things.... oh and I guess there’s like some fish choices, but I hate fish.  There’s also vegetarian options, which I have only occasionally gotten.  So within the variety, there’s a lot of similarities.

Also there are a lot of same ingredients in their recipes.  I have grated a lot of lemons and limes.  I have chopped up a lot of carrots, green onions, and potatoes (so many potatoes.)  I have consumed more sour cream than I ever have.  I have started looking for ways to add even a little more variety to the things that are often-repeats that they give you.  

But part of that is my fault -- I am mostly selecting items that I know I will like, or can modify to how I like.  There are a lot of veggie and fish-based choices I could pick up most weeks which I avoid. 

And almost everything I’ve ever made... I’d make again.  I save all the recipe cards so that someday when I don’t wanna do HF anymore, I will have all them all handy to make later.  The HF Subreddit also has a lot of resources like how to do their custom spice mixes, very handy.   There’s been maybe 3 things I’ve made which I’d say were Just Okay, but nothing I’d say that was bad.   And some of the ideas in this paragraph I talk about more, further down.

But also on the topic of “Variety” -- since every meal I make has two portions (occasionally I will stretch something to three) -- points are given back because I’m not “Making a huge pot of spaghetti that I eat for five meals in a row.”  So that’s good, even if it means more cooking overall.

So honestly, on Something New overall, I’ll give this like a 3.5 out of 5 stars, correcting up to 4 stars on a curve, since I strike entire categories of their offerings based on my own tastes.  They offer a pretty good variety of meals to select, and part of the problem here is my fault for hating All Seafood and not being thrilled with the vegetarian options (I also don’t feel like I’m getting my money’s worth without a protein) so there are a lot of meals re-using similar ingredients.   It slides back down to a 3.5 though when you factor in Reasons 3 & 4 below.

Reason Two: Kill Analysis Paralysis

A thing I found increasingly happening by the end of last year was analysis paralysis.  Especially as I started a new job where I’m much, much busier (but happier) in October.  I would find myself staring at the fact that I’d have to make the decision on What To Make For Dinner and dreading it more and more.  It wasn’t really the cooking I hated, but the deciding what to cook, which got me into the lack of variety rut.  More often than I’d like to admit I’d just make a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese or like... just... toast... for dinner because the decision-making part of my brain was tired... or out of spoons as the kids say these days.

This is maybe my favorite part of Hello Fresh overall.  Once every week or two I log onto HF, pick what I’m going to eat like... 5 or 6 weeks in the future, which I can do at a time when I have that decision-making energy, and forget about it.  Every Monday a box shows up on my doorstep, I see what nice things I picked out for myself several weeks ago, and the most I have to decide is which order I will make those things in.

So when it’s a “Make Dinner” day, I don’t have that “shit, I have to make a decision” feeling.  I already know because I pre-planned it back when I wasn’t at the end of a long workday.  It’s one of those small, dumb things that really really helps me mentally in an almost inexplicable way.  And I can feel better about myself because I didn’t eat something dumb for dinner.  And I still allow myself to make easy things for lunch, like a small frozen pizza, a sandwich and some chips, or hey, Kraft Dinner.  And sometimes I do make a big pot of Spaghetti or something that I love and will just have that for lunch every day for a week, and so I don’t have to feel like I’m always cooking.

And on Eat HF Leftovers For Dinner nights, that’s even better, because I have a tasty meal and it just had to get reheated in the microwave or stovetop.  Some meals are easy to half-prepare ahead of time on day one, and just do the last steps on leftover night the next night to have fresher dinner easily.

 Just 5 out of 5 stars here.  This is my favorite part.

Reason Three: Eat More Vegetables.

Uh, yeah, I’m terrible about eating veggies on my own.  The best I can do usually is buy a bag of mixed greens and try to have a side salad with dinner, or buy bags of frozen foods and hope they come with veggies I’d eat. 

So the good thing here, is that when HF sends me vegetables to make, if it’s a veggie I like, I’ll probably make it.

The big problem, though, is that there’s no substitutions.  And I’m still not gonna eat brussell sprouts or, broccoli, or mushrooms. I was a sport and tried making them (except the mushrooms) the first time I got recipes that used them as sides.  And nope... still cant.

But hey, I have done a lot better at eating more fresh green beans, and onions, and carrots, and peppers.  Though sometimes I just snack on the bell pepper instead of cooking it. Still, I call it a win.

I really, really wish I could trade out the side-dish vegetables I know I won’t eat for like, a small side salad, an apple, or hey, even just... carrots!  But nope, no substitutions. =\  I’d score this way better if we could do so.

Still, I’m doing better here, and overall, more vegetables are being eaten.  So, 3 out of 5 stars.

Reason Four: Waste Less Food

The amount of fruit and vegetables I’ve ordered and thrown away over the last year make me cringe.  I would order things with every intention of eating them and then just... not.  Oh yeah I need two lemons, an orange and two limes in case I make ____ recipe!  I need a new bag of baby carrots to snack on and make a side dish and cut into a salad! 

And then I maybe... maybe use half of that before it goes bad.

Probably less.  Because of the Analysis Paralysis and not trying new things.  You run into that problem where you don’t have the ingredients on hand to make a new thing so you can’t make a new thing... but then you buy them but forgot (crucial thing) so the thing still doesn’t get made.  Or you just... don’t plan when you’re gonna make the thing and by the time I’d be like “Oh yeah I should make something with those vegetables” they’d have already turned.

SO... I felt shitty throwing away so much produce, and loaves of bread, and other perishable food that got maybe half-eaten.  So much, for so long.  Yeah, I know I could do better with my meal planning, but it’s been one of those things I always vow to do, and then did not do that thing.

Doing HF has really made me re-evaluate what I buy as groceries, and I have cut way down on ordering unnecessary produce and perishables like bread.  Because I don’t really have to worry about dinner and am allowing myself to do easy lunches that don’t require real “cooking.”  So, overall I am definitely buying and tossing less food.

Also just as another quick note -- what also tends to get tossed out of my HF boxes is a “spicy ingredient”  But in some ways, this works in HF’s favor.  I don’t really like spicy foods.  A small amount of spice is OK but I’d rather just do without it in most things, sorry I’m that white girl.  Most “Spicy” HF meals get spicy by a spice blend, a packet of sriracha / hot sauce, or a jalapeno which they want you to cut up and include.  So whenever I see something that looks good but listed as “spicy”, I can check the ingredient list first and see what makes it spicy, If I think the thing still sounds good without the spicy part, I can order it.  So yeah, I’ll toss spicy ingredients, but that is 100% my choice and it makes things better because it gives me more variety to order those meals and still make it to my own taste.

Oh, and occasionally, the produce is just bad when you get it or not long after.  I haven’t had this problem often, mostly with ginger and garlic.  I do evaluate which meal has the most perishables when I get my box on Mondays and make those first.  Apparently you can call customer service if this happens for a small credit, but I just use pre-diced garlic or powdered ginger when this has happened to me.

So, this would be a 4.5 out of 5 except for... as discussed above... I end up tossing out HF vegetables on occasion I know I hate and won’t eat, and they won’t let me make substitutions. 

But also... cooking for myself... when I make a big batch of something that lasts 4 - 6 portions... more often than I’d like to admit, the last portion or two would never get eaten.  Sometimes I’d TELL myself I’d eat them in a week or so and freeze them only to throw it all away months later.

So let’s call this a 4 out of 5.  Overall, significantly less food waste with HF.

Reason Five: Save Time

I thought that doing HF would mean less prep-work and less time in the kitchen, especially with their easy-to-follow recipes and pre-measured ingredients.

So in that way, yes, time is saved, and it so again takes that mental load off in a lot of ways of not having to make all those pesky decisions.  The materials you’re working with and what you need to do are all Right There for you.  It’s really, nice.

As a side note, like I said I’m a good cook, and I haven’t had any problems following along anything I’ve made, but there were a few things I think are more of a moderate skill level and could be a little challenging for newcomers.  But then, I see people on the HF subreddit all the time saying they learned to cook with no skill and they find the recipes easy so... we’re good there.

However, Saving Time loses points for two big reasons:

First, I’m only making two portions of each meal.  Which, ok... this is my decision.  I could order four portions per meal.  But then... hey that’s taking big points away on the “variety” front. 

The Vegetable Chopping / prep work on a lot of the recipes often takes 10 - 20 minutes, depending on the number of fruits and veggies.  So yay for meeting Goal #3 (more veggies) even if it is balanced out by Goal #5.

And unfortunately, most meals end up taking up more dishes than I’d like to clean up (usually at least a pan and baking sheet, sometimes also a pot.  Plus knife, cutting board, tongs, stirring spoon, maybe a zester, etc.)  So no time is saved on cleanup, either.

Mostly where time is saved is having to pick out recipes and making sure you have/buy all the ingredients.  Not much is saved in the actual cooking.

I do, however, enjoy the time I spent cooking and the knowledge that I’m gonna make something good, so we’ll give it a bit back, there.

As a time saver, I’d give HF a 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Reason Six: Save Money

Y’all, Hello Fresh is expensive.  Honestly the #1 reason I re-evaluate whether I want to keep going with it every few weeks is the cost.  Even though I can afford it.

For basically six meals a week, I’m paying $63 for the food, plus $9 for the shipping.

Which means I’m paying $12 a meal.  For food I make myself.

Not cheap.  A luxury.

Where I don’t feel quite so bad about it is the fact that... for the most part, I am wasting a lot less food.  Except, as mentioned, when I can’t swap out vegetables I hate for something I’d actually eat.

So that makes it irk me even more when I am throwing out vegetables I really hate, because they’re expensive vegetables.

Also that price tag is motivation to make and eat every meal.

Overall, my grocery bills have gone down... honestly pretty significantly.  Because I’m not overbuying food!  Now, they haven’t gone down enough to even out the cost for Hello Fresh... I’m still probably spending about 50% more overall for each dinner now than I was before.

This isn’t a cost savings.  It’s an expense, but one I can afford.  And part of writing out this post is to remind myself to decide when the experience is no longer worth the expense.

1 out of 5 stars.

Reason Seven: Eat Better

I would like to challenge myself to define “Better” because that’s all I wrote down when I made the list.

Healthier?  Eeeehhhhhh.... maybe?  But not much.

Hello Fresh does offer lighter choices, and sometimes I pick those because they look good and are filled with things I will eat!

But I’m just as likely to pick the most calor-ific things on the menu.

HF also adds a lot of Sour Cream to their recipes, and encourage you to salt and butter your food liberally.  I try to cut down on some of this where I think it’s too much.  But sometimes there’s not much to cut out and still have the meal you ordered.

But also I’m not eating any worse calorie-wise than I was before, probably.  And overall I’m eating a lot more “real food” instead of “packaged food” and fast food than I was.... especially pre-pandemic.  And again, I AM eating a lot more vegetables, so.... that’s... better?

If I define better as Tastier, yeah, I’m doing pretty good in that regard, haha. 

So Better as in healthier: 2.5 of 5 stars.

Better as in tastier: 4 out of 5 stars.

Overall Scoring & Tips

Okay, overall that comes out to a 3.18 out of 5, which I’d round up to a 3.5... which is a pretty good score for how I feel about HF overall.  My current plan is to keep doing it until I go back to working in the office again, and re-evaluate.  For now, it works for me.

IF YOU WANT TO TRY IT, this is my referral link, you’ll get $70 off over a month’s worth of meals (so like, $20 or something off 3 boxes and $10 off the last one, something like that. 

I also have four “Free box” codes to give out, PM me if you want one of those.  I don’t think those are compatible with the $70 off link, but it might be a box of completely free food for you?  I don’t know how it works, but this may be the better deal?  PM me.

If you decide to go for it, here’s a few tips:

Every week or two, go in and choose your meals, don’t let HF choose for you unless you really don’t care.

Read the ingredient list and make sure there’s not too much stuff you don’t like coming in a meal.

The extras are pretty expensive and not really worth it.

Plan on each meal taking about 45 minutes to cook from start to finish including chopping vegetables.  Another 10 - 20 with cleanup depending if you have to handwash dishes or not.

Look for ways to make the meal healthier, especially if it encourages you to add more butter and salt near the end.  You probably do NOT need to do so.

Buy a decent pepper.  I love McCormick’s Peppercorn Medley pepper grinder.  Also sea salt grinder is my personal salt preference.

Add some of your own seasonings.  I buy a jar of pre-diced garlic (yes yes I know the criticisms of the stuff but it’s easy) and throw in a half tablespoon or so of that into a lot of recipes.  Also there are a lot of potatoes that they want you to just cook with olive oil, salt and pepper.  Throw some garlic or onion salt on them, or some Lawry’s Seasoning Salt or steak salt of your choice for some variety.

Your basic 2 quart pot, 8 - 12″ frying pan and cookie sheet, plus a cutting board, decent veggie knife, and typical kitchen utensil set are all you need.  However, a decent meat thermometer and a zester that collects the zest as you go are both highly recommended. 

A sieve and very small rice cooker have also been a lifesaver for making good rice that doesn’t get overcooked.

[coyotiearch]

               LAYER  001 :   THE  OUTSIDE.

NAME -   malia cassidy tate. EYE COLOR -   dark brown, blue as coyote. HAIR STYLE / COLOR -   naturally dark brown, gets blonde highlights. keeps cut short, just above her shoulders and lets it keep its natural wave. HEIGHT -   5′8″ CLOTHING  STYLE -    usually wears a lot of mismatching clothes, never really been one for having a particular style. wears a lot of shorts with high-knee socks, a lot of flannels and vintage sportswear. usually goes for comfort over style. doesn’t wear a lot of accessories. BEST  PHYSICAL  FEATURE -   if one were to ask malia, she would say her best physical feature is her smile. a smile can be so many things, bared teeth is usually a sign of aggression for animals, so she likes the implication that a smile can be both kind and threatening. 

                LAYER  002 :   THE  INSIDE.

FEARS -   driving. to this day, malia still doesn’t like driving. it is something that she can do, but she is always on high alert when she does so. anyone who drives with her will notice how tense she is the entire time. this also applies to being a passenger in a car as well.  GUILTY  PLEASURE -   “reality” tv shows. some of her favourites include: tattoo far, pawns stars, storage wars & nailed it. BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE -   people who are close to her lying to her!! but also people who talk way too loudly on the phone in public. AMBITIONS  FOR  THE  FUTURE -   truth be told, malia doesn’t have a lot of goals for the future. due to the nature of her job, she spends a lot more time thinking about the right now rather than the future. she would like to see some more of the world, however.

                LAYER  003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP -  panic. she still suffers from awful night terrors, often wakes up in a cold sweat because of it. THINKS  ABOUT  MOST -   the guilt of what happened to her sister and mother still eats at her; especially when she is having a good time, or feels happy, the guilt starts to encroach and makes her feel awful about being a survivor.  THINKS  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED -   what she has to do the next morning, and sometimes, if she is feeling sentimental, she thinks about beacon hills & her pack. WHAT  THEY  THINK  THEIR  BEST  QUALITY  IS -   where some people will think it comes off as rude or blunt, malia likes that she has a no-nonsense attitude. it allows her to speak her mind freely, with little care about how it might affect others. 

                LAYER  004 :   WHAT’S  BETTER ?

SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES -   single, much more intimate.  TO  BE  LOVED  OR  RESPECTED -    respected. BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS -   brains! DOGS  OR  CATS -    dogs, absolutely. cats don’t like her.

                 LAYER  005 :   DO  THEY…

LIE -    sometimes, but only as part of her job. she tends to not keep too many secrets from those she genuinely cares about. BELIEVE  IN  THEMSELVES -  most of the time. BELIEVE  IN  LOVE -   not in this point in her life, no. perhaps she might have at one point, but now she tends to keep herself closed off in that regard. WANT  SOMEONE -   sometimes, when she gets lonely.

                  LAYER  006 :   HAVE  THEY  EVER…

BEEN  ON  STAGE -   nope. DONE  DRUGS -   yes - to little effect, however. GOTTEN  DRUNK -  yes, again, to little effect. CHANGED  WHO  THEY  WERE  TO  FIT  IN -  not intentionally. she does dull down her brash attitude depending on who she is with, sometimes.

                  LAYER  007 :   FAVORITES.

FAVORITE COLOR -  purple FAVORITE  ANIMAL -   dogs!!  FAVORITE  MOVIE -   her favourite movie as a child was dumbo, she still watches it sometimes. star wars has a special place in her heart as it was one of the first “adult” movies she watched thanks to stiles. FAVORITE  GAME -   crash bandicoot.

                  LAYER  008 :   SLEEP.

HEAVY  OR  LIGHT  SLEEPER -   light sleeper, thanks to supernatural hearing & coyote instincts. WHAT  SIDE  OF  THE  BED  DO  THEY  SLEEP  ON -  the left, or the middle depending on if she is alone or not. WHAT  DO  THEY  WEAR  TO  BED -   usually a large tee-shirts and underwear in summer, the same but with long pants in the cooler months. WEIRD  THINGS  THEY  DO  IN  THEIR  SLEEP -   she moves a lot in her sleep - you know how dogs sometimes run in their sleep if they’re dreaming? yeah, malia does the same thing. she also usually ends up cuddling something -- her pillow, anyone who sleeps in bed with her -- for comfort.

                 LAYER  009 :   LOVE.

BIG  DECLARATIONS  OR  SMALL -  small. OPEN  OR  CLOSED  OFF -  definitely closed off. LOVE  AT  FIRST  SIGHT  OR  SLOW  BURN -   slow burn. ONE  TRUE  LOVE  OR  A  STRING.    malia convinces herself she is happy with a string of different lovers, but somewhere deep down, she wonders if she would find herself more at peace if she just had one person. coyotes mate for life, you see.

                  LAYER  010 :   FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.

I  LOVE -  my dad.  I  FEEL -  so much. I  HIDE -  the crushing anxiety. I  MISS -  my sister & my mom. I  WISH -  i could take it back.

TAGGED  BY - stole it from @blindhim​ TAGGING - @skaiwar​ , @biirdbone​ , @hellconsumed​ 

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2019 Anime Quick Takes: Astra Lost in Space and Fruits Basket

Astra Lost in Space

This little sci-fi doesn’t exactly rocket into greatness, but it’s a sweet, entertaining show. Set in the future, it follows a group of schoolkids who find themselves stranded in space. As they struggle to find their way back home, they find out they’re connected by many mysteries and begin to unravel a conspiracy.

The space kids are are all fairly likeable dorks who have enjoyable relationships with each other. The main character Kanata is a pretty standard shonen lead, but he’s a likeable variation- his straightfoward dumb goofiness is charming and his devotion to his friendfamily is often adorable. However, the insistence on him always being the big action hero made for a less effective story and came at the expense of a stronger ensemble. There’s a lot  of fuss made about how everyone in the team is important and contributes, and they do all get moments to shine, but at the end of the day it’s always about how great Kanata is. During the climax, there’s some big revelations that majorly concern to the female lead of the series, Aries. Since she was the person most impacted, her response and her feelings should have taken center stage. This was a revelation designed to cause HER turmoil and uncertainty, after all. She has the most interesting potential emotional journey here and seeing her struggle and then assert herself thanks to the support of her friends would really sell the found family theme of the show. But nope, the show can’t let anyone but Kanata get the big climactic moments and speeches, so he responds FOR Aries before she even has a chance to struggle, which is obviously way less powerful. Aries and the rest of the vibrant cast are mostly reduced to standing in the background and occasionally gasping while Kanata gets to do everything, which is a waste.

While it could have been more well-balanced. I do appreciate the show’s cute found family aspect and how the story goes out of its way to say if the people who raised you are shitty, throw them in the trash. The kids journeys are all about finding true acceptance, love and support in each other after being denied it in their own homes, and that rules.

The show is respectful of the characters for the most part- there’s some tame fanservice (like the obligatory few minutes where the girls compare breast sizes while in swimsuits, ugh), but the girls are capable members of the team, get some development and aren’t treated like garbage, so the series hops over that low bar at least. (Though it’s kinda whatever that the guys and girls roles/ambitions just happen to coincide with traditional gender expectations a lot of the time, especially at the end. Not horrible, but it can niggle.)

It’s notable, since it’s a rarity in both anime and media in general, that there’s an intersex character in this series. The show seemed to at least be trying to be sympathetic and supportive toward said character (moreso than a lot of stories), but it’s not really my lane to evaluate whether they tried hard enough or how well they did with the representation. There are potential positives, and potential issues as well, and I’d be interested to hear an intersex person’s take on it.

 I WILL say that this character is easily my favorite member of the cast (btw they do identify as a specific gender and discuss that in detail, I’m just being vague to minimize spoilers). They have a lovable personality and fun relationships with some of the other characters. The way they’re confident and comfortable with who they were but also loved to make silly jokes about it and troll their friends was relatable and endearing to me as a person with a marginalized identity who sometimes does the same. 

So yeah, the series has some cute characters, sweet moments and a decent enough plot. It definitely doesn’t reinvent the wheel when it comes to sci-fi and shonen tropes and some of the twists it throws at you kind of fall apart logically if you think about them for more than ten seconds, but you just want to turn your brain off and enjoy a silly but heartfelt story about a teen space fam, this is a fine choice.

Fruits Basket (episodes 13-25)

Fruits Basket Season 1 continues! It continues in the same vein as earlier episodes, only with characters growing, backstories being revealed and dramatic developments- all of which are good stuff. My faves Arisa and Hana get their backstory episodes early, and of course I adore them. Love my cool, troubled girls and love their friendship with Tohru. There’s still the stuff that might put people off the first half- 90′s anime-esque gender tropes etc, slaptick abuse played for laughs.

The anime did at least tone down the problems with Ritsu’s parts in the manga, removing most of the mean comments regarding crossdressing, which is good. It probably could have done even more in that area but I’ll take what I can get.

While the adaptation did a good there, it also did a bad with a very jarring moment where a character gets launched into the air (YEET) during an important moment in the seasons final episodes. If you watched, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The exaggerated violence is really jarring during what’s supposed to be a more grounded, dramatic moment. It feel almost comical and more at home in a slapstick scene. On top of that, it’s damaging to both the characters involved, making one a lot more dangerously violent and life-threatening than they’re supposed to be, and the other more  questionable in that they shrug it off so easily. The more grounded violent moment in the manga was much more fitting and better executed all around (especially when it comes to use of space and emotional framing), so I have no idea WHY they changed it.

Other than that though, the final episodes of the season are pretty effective. The series remains emotional and entertaining overall, so I look forward to more of that with season 2. My memories about the rest of the story are still very fuzzy, so I’m glad to be rediscovering it.

[nixie-deangel]

Imagine this: Mick Rory and Gina Linetti meet.

God, that would be amazing! I’m not big into crossovers but THIS! wow. I’m just. Yes. This is something I think I need in my  life.

Like. Okay, I don’t know why but this is where my brain went with this:

Barry and Gina are cousins, Nora and Darlene were cousins, never close but good terms up and spoke often, up until Nora went off to College in Central and married Henry and settled there. Though they still stayed in touch, it became less and less over the years. After she died, Darlene expressed an interest in taking Barry in, but Joe talked her into agreeing that he was the better choice. 

Over the years, Barry would get to go and stay with his Aunt Dee and cousin Gina, for a few weeks out of the summer, and if it could be swung, every other holiday season (though, those times were extremely rare). They were the only two who had believed Barry and never questioned his faith in his father (Darlene and Gina didn’t buy Henry hurting Nora), so it was a good break from Joe constantly telling him he couldn’t see Henry, that he needed to start accepting that Henry DID kill his mother.

Fast forward a few years, it’s just after Barry’s woken up from his coma and finding out he’s got powers, and Barry doesn’t even think about detouring after his talk with Oliver and making his way up to New York where his aunt and cousin and telling them everything. Joe and everyone can dictate who he tells in Central but fuck if Barry’s keeping this from his Aunt Dee and Gina, he’ll be damned if they don’t know.

They take it….pretty well. Neither are exactly happy but they also know what kind of person Barry is, so they support him, and keep a tally of people they gonna wreck for the shit they’re doing to Barry.

Another fast forward to after the whole thing with Eo/Wells and Gina just says nope, she gonna go see her baby cousin and wreck some shit after she and Darlene get visited by a sad, broken looking Barry, who’s just closed by a black hole and is alienating his friends and family in Central. He talks her out of it, of course but she also makes him promise to call her everyday, keep her in the loop or else she will bring her happy ass down to Central.

It works.

Barry keeps her up to date. Hell, Gina knows more then anyone. She knows about Iris and Eddie getting married, about Barry really moving on and getting over her. She knows about the weird, tentative truce he has with Captain Cold and Heatwave. Knows about Eo/Wells leaving him Star Labs and giving him the proof to get Henry out of prison.

Which is when Gina, in true Gina fashion, shows up in Central, because she was never close with Nora or Henry, but damn if she ain’t gonna show up to support her family, especially since Henry doesn’t have many true people in his corner, besides Barry. 

Like Barry knew would happen, Gina trolls Joe and every cop she comes in contact with. Gets on with Cisco like a house on fire. Caitlin and Iris get on with her, but there’s an edge with Iris, until Gina sees with her own eyes her Bambi cousin really is good with Iris having married Eddie.

It’s two days before Gina goes back to NY, she and Barry have just seen Henry off, and Barry flashes them to a dive bar and they talk. It’s the first time they’ve been alone since Gina arrived.

So they talk and talk. 

And then Gina, out of the corner of her eye, spots a burly, angry looking bear and a pretty blue eyed, frowning thunk, over at the bar, frowning and eyeing their table with….is that jealousy? 

Before she can say anything to Barry, he’s flushing and ducking his head and Gina knows exactly who they are but before she can say anything, Cold and Heat are sliding home, inquiring as to who the fuck she is and Gina can’t help but have fun. She lets her full sass out and somehow it turns into her and Snart trading barbs for almost a half hour before Barry cuts in and lets them both know she’s his older cousin, come in to celebrate Henry’s release.

Mick flicks his eyes over the woman, before grunting while inclining his head towards her. 

“Bambi,” Gina starts, voice playful and teasing, “Why didn’t you tell me you had such fine sugar daddies?” She can’t help but as her lips split into a smirk as Barry sputters, spraying his coke all over Snart, who slides back, scarping his chair harshly against the floor.

Before Snart can snap out something, Barry’s shooting up, grabbing the man along with him and dragging him towards the bathroom, all the while apologizing as they go.

“S’not like that,” Mick rumbles out after a moment of stilted silence settles around them.

“Oh,” Gina purrs as she turns her head, eyes zeroing in on Mick. “I know. Bambi tells me everything.” She settles back in her seat, lets her gaze flick up and down what she can see, what isn’t blocked by the table.

“You both aren’t horrible,” she starts, voice deadly serious, “But if you hurt Bambi, it isn’t that idiot playing Medieval times or Detective Blind side that’ll be your biggest worry. The Linetti’s take care of their own.”

They keep one another’s gaze for another moment, before sharing a nod of understanding, just as Barry and Snart come bursting out of the bathroom, Barry blushing, while Len is sauntering after him, lips curled up into a playful smirk.

What the hell is this gibberish????? I have no idea. I’m so tired, and I”m so sorry.

[the-first-date]

A conversation with Emma Zack [27/F/Brooklyn]

Madge Maril: Hello Emma!! Thank you for joining me on gchat this lovely evening. What are you up to today?

Emma Zack: HEY DARLIN! I'm here at my desk, doing my job. You know, the usual.

MM: Yes! Usual. What's your job?

EZ: Suppose you could say I have two! My day job (9-5) is as the publications manager at the Innocence Project. My other job, which only recently turned into another full-time job, is being the owner of a plus-sized vintage shop, Berriez!

MM: Well now I have to ask how you got into both.

EZ: Haha. Do it.

MM: How did you get into these two very different positions?

EZ: I'll start with the Innocence Project. I've studied prisons/criminology since I was a freshman in college. I worked in prisons/in the criminal justice sphere in college, and after college, decided that I wanted to continue on this path. I got a job at the Innocence Program in Boston, which then led me to the Innocence Project in NYC! And as for Berriez, I started it because I needed a hobby. I was (and still am tbh) really depressed, and needed something to get my mind smiling. Also, I had a bunch of clothing. Also also, I was shopping vintage online often and was never finding my size. So, all of those factors led me to start Berriez!

MM: So many questions — but maybe the weirdest one first. So you're from Boston, and now you live in NYC. What's that experience like? Do you feel like a cool New Yorker? I've heard that's a feeling.

EZ: Lol!! Quite the opposite, really. I oftentimes feel like a loser. I am a homebody and rarely leave the house, unlike most New Yorkers. Also, I move at a very slow pace, and New York is so. Freakin. Fast. It's hard to keep up. But, I will say that it's 854930574389574 times better than boring ole Boston!

MM: I've also heard about this fast pace. But honestly I don't think I know what it means? Is it more just how busy people are? 

EZ: It's the strangest thing. Since I moved to New York, I've developed insomnia, am bad at responding to texts/keeping in touch with people (which I used to be so good at before NYC), and seeing people — even my best friends — is hard because everyone is just so "busy." Not sure what we're all doing, but all I know is that we're busy. Also, let's talk about how everyone here walks fast. I truly can't keep up. I walk so slow, and people make fun of me for it all the time… like, let a girl walk at her own pace!

MM: Hahaha that's really all I've ever connected in my brain before when I've heard about New Yorkers pace — like a literal fast walking pace. 

EZ: It's true!

MM: And I know you have a ~ partner. Did y'all meet in Boston or NYC?

EZ: Nope, we met here in NYC!

MM: What was that like? Do you think the NYC climate of fast-paced energy affected it at all? 

EZ: What was meeting my partner in NYC like?

MM: Yeah! It seems so idyllic to me, a midwesterner, while also seeming like it could be intense with how busy people are.

EZ: Oh yeah, it really just kind of happened. And I met him only a month after I moved here! It was so unplanned. When we met, I knew there was something there, something special. I wouldn't say it was NYC though — I'd say it was the ~universe~ and the timing of it all meeting each other at certain points in our lives where we could commit to each other, etc.

MM: So do you believe in fate?

EZ: Lol, no.

MM: Hahahaha.

EZ: But I believe that everything happens for a reason? Bad or good? Is that fate? I don't think so. I also don't believe in "1 tru luv.”

MM: I don't think I do either! Though I really did as a kid. Like X Files... I want to believe.

EZ: Totally… I did too! But not anymore, even though I love my partner so much. And want to stay with him.

MM: I think those two things can co exist, because same for me with mine — a love, but also realizing that there have been other people, and could be other people, and that you're actively choosing this one person right now though.

EZ: Exactly!

MM: Also while I am extremely enjoying this I can feel the unseen reader wanting me to ask you about Berriez. 

EZ: Of course, of course. Lemme hear the questions!

MM: Where to begin! You mentioned a lot that I want to know more about — starting a business (can't imagine), starting a business with depression, online vintage, plus-size vintage. Can you tell me more about any of those things, whatever you want to tell me about?

EZ: Hmmmmmm. Well, I suppose when I started Berriez (formerly known as Fruity Looms), I didn't intend for it to be a "Business.” Or, rather, I didn't think of it as a business. I just thought of it as something I was doing in my free time with my friends (who would model for me).

MM: RIP Fruity Looms.

EZ: RIP FRUITY LOOMS 💔. It started to take off about 4 months in I'd say, that's when it started to get a bit more busy. Then, over the summer, it truly turned into a "business"/full-time job… it's still something I do in my free time, but it's no longer a hobby per se. It's a job. I still love it with all my heart! It's just a lot more work than when I started.

MM: I was about to ask — that can be hard, right? Turning a passion project into a job. I feel like it's not something that's talked about a lot, and people really idealize creatives who get to work in their own creative fields — especially fashion because glamour! Glam! But then there's this unspoken weight where you've morphed something you love into your "Career.”

EZ: Yup!! It's very weird, and I'm in this strange place where I really don't know what I'm doing or what I want to do, because I've done criminal justice work for so long, and Berriez really just popped in out of nowhere… do I want to take that risk? Leaving criminal justice to pursue Berriez full-time? I don't know! I suppose I could always go back. It doesn't seem reliable to me. It's scary.

MM: Why? 

EZ: Well... money, for starters! And I work well having a set schedule. Wake up at 6 to work on Berriez, go to my other job, come home to work on Berriez. If I didn't have my other job, would it be hard for me to fill that time? Would I be strict enough with myself? Also, when I don't have structure, I fall into a depression. Although, shit, I'm depressed now and I have all the structure in the world! Also side note: not glamorizing this busy NYC lifestyle. It is not fun. It is not healthy. Wow, am I talking too much? It's like you're my therapist or something. Lemme take a step back, ha!

MM: Omg no. I love it! Please talk about this as much as you like. I think it's all important, especially the reality that goes on behind the Instagram screen (poetry, I know). Because real talk when I first met you online, I was like wow! Look at her! Doing it all! Fashion! Rising star! It's so easy to project those sort of things online.

EZ: Yep, yep. Instagram is a ~facade~ amiright?!?! Lmaoooo!! In reality... I'm just a homebody/stoner/depressed/anxious/chronically ill/loving gal.

MM: Which is so much better! And realer! Is it odd to interact with so many people in Berriez and also the Innocence Project that are sort of living that facade, do-it-all life? I feel like fashion and law may have close ties; it's all very ~chic~ non?

EZ: YES YES YES. Everyone's just trying to do it all and take care of themselves. But who are we doing it all for? That's what I've been asking myself lately.

MM: Do you feel like this intensity affects your style, and how you dress at work or on Instagram (your other work)? 

EZ: Interesting question. I've never thought about it that way. I feel like Berriez has really really really helped me ~find my style~ which is like, middle school art teacher... Lol. Lots of color, lots of fun, lots of patterns. 

I'm a bigger gal, but I don't give a fuck if something isn't "flattering" per se. I come to my day job at the IP dressed like this too, since we don't have a dress code. And I am always getting compliments from my coworkers! Although they may think I'm a little nutty. Today I am wearing space buns, a red and white checkered long sleeve shirt, rhinestone hoops, vintage Levi’s, and these funny looking boots. Oh well. Did that answer your question at all? Ha.

MM: Yes!! Were you surprised when your own personal aesthetic caught on online via Berriez? Not because it's ~weird~ (to me... It is perfect) but because I'd personally find it so nice/scary/surprising if the style I'd curated, my look, resonated with people like yours does.

EZ: I guess, like, I never thought of myself as having an "aesthetic." I've kind of just always worn what I wanted to/who I've been inspired by. My friends though have always told me that I have great style and encouraged me to start a public Instagram for my outfits, but I've always been too shy. With Berriez, I can do that without showing my face!

MM: Aw, that is so sweet. And so what does Emma Zack, stylish person, wear on a first date? 

EZ: Hahahaha! I can tell you exactly what I wore on my first date with Aja. Which was three years ago, by the way! I would never wear this now. I wore tan Clarks, black opaque tights, a hunter green bodycon turtleneck midi dress (that really accentuated my curves), and a black bomber jacket. My goal was to show off my body in a modest way!

MM: Sensible. Sexy. So this would've been 2016?

EZ: Yep! Today... Hmm. I would probably still wear something to show off my body. I love my curves.

MM: Oh I'm a big show-off-on-the-first-date person. I wore the tiniest black dress on my first date with my bf. And it was also a turtleneck! I am just now realizing. I felt like it gave me that "I read books" vibe. 

EZ: Hahaha, yup! Lol. For me it was, "I listen to jazz."

MM:: Yes! Because you're a jazz singer, right? Also would love to hear about your perfume/makeup combo if you remember it! 

EZ: Yup! I sing jazz! That used to be my hobby, until I moved to New York and convinced myself that I wasn't good enough! Ha ha ha. Oh yes, I definitely remember it. I don't wear much makeup in general, so I was wearing mascara, concealer under my eyes, and maybe some chapstick! As for perfume, I was wearing Cannabis Santal by Fresh.

MM: What comes first for you, outfit or makeup or perfume? 

EZ: Outfit, always! Makeup, I don't know how to put on makeup, so I always just wear the same thing. Perfume, I rotate between the same three perfumes (that are all musky).

MM: Which are?

EZ: The cannabis one, and then these two perfume oils that I can't remember the names of.

MM: Haha it's ok! I live for musk. This is maybe tangentially related but it's where my brain is going... How do you stay authentic to yourself? I feel like as soon as I started working in fashion, I had this huge feeling of shame, that I wasn't dressing right or knew the right stuff. Do you feel that? How do you defeat it? 

EZ: I guess I don't feel it because I don't feel like I work in fashion? I mean, I suppose I do work in "fashion" or whatever, but the stakes aren't as high as working at a magazine or a blog or whatever! I just wear what I like at this point. Or what I feel like wearing! 

And, as I've gotten older and more comfortable with myself, I've started to give less of a shit about what other people think of me or the way I dress. Don't get me wrong though, sometimes I'm totally like, do I look insane??? If I go to an event dressed like this, will I fit in?!

MM: Yes! Those are my main feelings, as someone who used to wear a ton of color and print and has been shying away from it.

EZ: Meh. Sometimes I feel like Berriez to be more minimal, and I need to sell more earth tones and plain shit like most vintage shops do. But that's just not me, that's never been me. I'm a straight-up maximalist hahahaha! That's not who Berriez is or why people like it!

MM: I really admire that about you! And your business! And that you have a business, haha. 

EZ: Lol at me having a business.

MM: You do! You truly do!! Final question, since I know we've been chatting for a minute — how was your last first date? 

EZ: Welp, it was in a dark bar, and it was with a cute dude who I'm still with to this day! So, I guess you could say it was a good one. 😉

MM: Ooooooo I would say so! Thank you so much for talking to me about so many things. Do you have any digital spaces you want to shout out?

EZ: Of course!! Thank you for asking me to talk!! I'm honored!!  No, just @shopberriez!!! 😉❤

MM: You heard it hear first folks. Go follow the shop. Here*. Wow. Ok. 

EZ: LOLOL!a

[citrusrei]

X-44 Land.

Reader x J-Hope - BTS (ZombieApocalypse!AU) Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, kinda smutty in dis one? Synopsis: The times and trials of people trying to make it in a world that’s heading for ashes. Word Count: 12.7k Part 1 of ?

Playlist: Little Secrets - Passion Pit, In Case of Rapture - As Tall As Lions, Circles - Thrice, Last Man Standing - People In Planes, Rose Golden - Kid Cudi ft.Willow

AN: *mentions of death and gore* I’m gonna put a TW up on this as it’s a pretty graphic (I mean obviously it’s a zombie apocalypse AU :/) but just a warning! Let me know how ya like it! <3

Everything I loved, became everything I lost.

        If you remembered back to the time where you felt peace; where you felt a complete calm, no fear running through your veins, no worries running through your mind, nothing but happiness and ease, when would that be?

You could almost taste the memory on the tip of your tongue. The summer before the outbreak. Thankfully, strain X-44 decided to let you enjoy one last family outing, making its infamous appearance only a day after one of your favorite times of the year.  

It was Independence Day. Your family always threw a huge get together, inviting as many family members as your backyard could hold. Aunt, Uncles, Grandmas, Grandpas, Cousins, whether be second, third or fourth, hell, even removed, they'd be there. Cars lined the street late in the night, the entire block setting off fireworks into the stars as lightning bugs danced around the atmosphere and june bugs sang their songs of summer, celebrating national freedom.  

"Kids! The food's ready! Come eat!" Your mother yelled from the porch. A slur of screams and giggles as the children finished splashing their current opponent added to the cacophony of all the sounds of the evening. A repetitive pop song played from the stereo and numerous people swayed drunkenly to its beat, naturally.  

You sipped from the cold beer bottle in your hand casually even though you weren't of age. Your mother figured a few on the 4th of July couldn't be that bad and who was going to deny underage drinking? The sun was setting by now. The blistering heat from the day slowly dissipating into a mild breeze while the mugginess remained. You sighed as you ran your fingers through your damp hair, still drying from the trip to the pool nearly an hour ago. This humidity being your only concern.

"Why the long face, cuzzo?" Your cousin Lea asked, elbowing you gently on the arm as she sat next to you on the porch step.  

"Hm? Oh, nothing. Just thinking about how frizzy my hair is going to be after it dries." You laughed, taking another sip from the bottle.

"Just throw it up! You look cute with your hair up anyways. That boy you like show?"

Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment as you recalled the day before of running into your high school crush and inviting him to your family's get together. It was a weak move.

"Who? Jackson Wang? No, he didn't. I didn't think he would anyways. He's probably up at that lake house he always talks about with Kwon Minah. Oh well." Lea smiled at you. She'd always admired your nonchalant attitude, even if it was a façade.  

"Well, fuck him. Not... literally though. He doesn't sound like he's worth it."

You side-eyed her, knowing she was right, "Yeah... but he's really cute."

Lea loudly giggled at your wallowing and playfully hit your shoulder, "Come on! The burgers are gonna be cold by the time we get to them and you know I hate cold food." She huffed, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you to the table with an uncanny amount of different foods.

"Oh look, Uncle Joe brought his pasta salad." She whispered, piling her plate high with macaroni and cheese.

"The one that tastes like stale cardboard?" Lea snickered at your remark, nodding her head. Before you could add anything else to the conversation, the sliding glass door opened, revealing your cousin fresh from his first year of college. The lot of your family cheered and howled at his arrival, acting as though they hadn't seen him in 20 years.

"Namjoon!" Lea hollered, setting her plate on the picnic table. The tall man made his way over to the both of you, hugging you tightly.

"Lea, (Y/N)! It's been so long!" He grinned.

"Yeah, nearly a year ya bastard!" She shouted, playfully slapping his arm.  

"Yeah, I know. I need to make it a better habit of coming home more often, huh?"  

The two caught up with each other and you decided you couldn't wait any longer to eat dinner but before you sat down, you saw a dark haired head poked from behind Namjoons shoulder. You curiously peeped your head around him only to be met with the eyes of a stranger. His eyes widened at your action before turning into half moons as he nervously waved to you. You did the same.

"So yeah, Calcul-Oh, I'm so sorry. This is my friend, Hoseok. He didn't have anything else to do so I invited him to the party. I figured that wouldn't be a big deal?" Namjoon said, bringing his smaller friend into view.

"Nope! Not a problem at all! Nice to meet you Hoseok. I'm Lea and this is (Y/N), we're Namjoon's cousins."

Hoseok nodded, "Oh yes, I've heard lots of stories about you guys from Namjoon."

"Only good ones I hope!" You added, causing the others to laugh.

"Only good ones." He smiled.

After a while of talking, you found out that Hoseok grew up a couple of states over in a small farming town which you thought didn't suit him that well. He seemed more, updated? Modern? Definitely not the type of boy to grow up on a farm, tending to pigs and chickens all day. You also found out he was majoring in child education with a minor in psychology which is how he met Namjoon. A cute country boy who not only loved kids but modern day science and medicine? This guy was a keeper and by the end of the night, you couldn't even remember Jacqueline Tang or whatever his name was.

"You should just stay the night, Namjoon! There's room in the basement for you and Hoseok." Lea begged, giving her best puppy dog eyes to the taller man but failing due to her being heavily intoxicated.

"Nah, we're gonna crash at a friend of mine's from High School. I'll see you guys tomorrow though?" You and Lea nodded, hugging Namjoon goodbye.

"It was nice meeting you, Hoseok." You mused.

"Yeah, you too." His smile could have cured cancer, at least you thought. It was brighter than any star or sun you'd seen and you wanted nothing else than to see more of it.

"Okay ladies, get as much sleep as possible cause we're going to be here 8 am, sharp okay? We want to get to this waterpark right as it opens." Once again, the both of you nodded, bidding the boys adieu and locking your front door behind you.

"Hoseok is cute isn't he? A little too young for me though, dang it," Lea joked, "Maybe you should go for it?"

"What? I'm still in high school and he goes to a college 3 states away!"  

"You're so dramatic, you're a senior. It's legal. He seems nice. Just... think about it, okay? Let's go to bed. We have big day tomorrow." You let out a sigh before following Lea up the stairs to your bedroom. She was right, it wasn't like you'd get in trouble for anything and he was a really nice guy. All this thinking was hurting your tipsy brain.

Let's just see what happens tomorrow, you thought, tucking yourself into the warm sheets and drifting off in the blink of an eye.

Just like Namjoon said, they were there at 8:00 am on the dot, cooler filled with drinks and snacks, bags packed with sunscreen, towels, clothes and blankets. All that was left to put in the car was the two of you.

"Wow, you guys are really prepared, aren't you?" Lea said, stuffing her bag into the trunk.

"Better to be over-prepared than under, right?" Namjoon smiled, taking a sip from his orange flavored soda and jumping back into the drivers seat.

The drive there was filled with lots of talking and horrible singing to the songs on the radio, especially between you and Hoseok. The two of you spoke as if you'd been friends for a decade. It almost scared Namjoon how similar your tastes were. You both liked the same music, the same sports team, the same drink, hell even the same brand of chocolate. Cadbury, to be specific. It was weird. Like some missing piece to you you didn't even know was missing. Lea pointed it out every chance she got. When Hoseok and Namjoon would get into a conversation of their own, she'd turn to you and gush on and on about what a 'match made in heaven' the two of you were, to which, you'd just roll your eyes and hush her.

"Finally!" Lea howled as soon as the park entered her view.  

Namjoon pulled into an empty parking spot that thankfully was near the entrance. You had arrived 10 minutes before the park even opened yet numerous families and couples lined up, waiting for the time the gates would open and they could enjoy the day splashing in the sun.

You reached into your purse in search of your sunglasses, Lea doing the same to hers.

"Ow!" She yelped, bringing out her finger and stuffing it into her mouth.

"You okay?" You asked, eyeing her as you placed the shades a top of your head.  

She nodded, finger still stuck in between her teeth as she nodded, "Yeah, just got stabbed by something in my purse. It's fine though! Namjoon brought a first aid kit!"

"You ready, ladies?" Namjoon shouted from the trunk. Lea immediately forgot about her finger as she slung her bag over her shoulder and hopped out of the truck. You laughed at her antics. She was older than you by almost a decade yet the two of you were insanely close. She was your shoulder to lean on, your advice giver, your best friend, really. She could turn any situation into a giggle fest just by her ditziness alone. That was the quality of her you loved the most. A stereotypical blonde, and proud.

The four of you trekked up to the line which was already moving by the time you reached it. A group of kids and their parents chatted rather loudly, not that it bothered you though. You were just as excited as them. Another man a few people ahead of you was in some sort of coughing fit. He looked sickly pale with dark, deep set bags under his eyes as he choked into his fist. What you assumed was his wife turned to him, scowling harder and harder every time he coughed.

"Oh, Howard! Keep that cough under control! Maybe we shouldn't have come!" You heard her yell, numerous heads swiveling to the drama unfolding before them, including the kids behind you.

"Now, Martha, please keep your voice down. You know how bad Nathan wanted to-" Was all he could get out before coughing out another lung and digging into his floral patterned shirt in search of a used hanky. It was then you noticed the small boy at his feet, clutching on to said shirt. His round, blue eyes peered up to his father, concern and worry swimming through them. He had to have been no more than 5 years old. Your heart clenched at the sight and you silently wished that you'd never be in a marriage with as much resentment as that. You could literally see the regret and unhappiness drip from woman's face. All that scowling really aged her.

"Great start to the day, huh." Hoseok smiled, trying to make light of the situation.

"What? Oh, yeah. Poor guy. He's got a cold and his wife couldn't care less. It makes me sad." You said. The solemnness in your tone surprised Hoseok, but not unpleasantly. He liked that you were sensitive in that way, showed him a bit more of your character.

"My guess is that they had a couple of dates, she got knocked up and he felt bad so they got married. Not much love could come from a situation like that." He sighed.

"Maybe. But still. It's not hard to be nice. Especially when someone's sick like that." Hoseok nodded along with you, completely agreeing.

After what seemed like 5 hours, you all made it to the front of the line and purchased your tickets. You followed Namjoon who as always, naturally led the pack wherever he deemed fit. Thankfully, he found the perfect spot to set up the blanket and cooler. Right under a huge oak tree, not too far from the concession stand and bathrooms yet in perfect reach from the best waterslides and rides.

"Let's go get wet then!" Lea cheered, running towards the open pool and diving right in, completely not realizing the small innuendo she'd said.

You giggled after her and pulled your over shirt off, revealing the small two piece you'd purposely wore today. Hoseok swallowed the hard lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, coughing slightly as he attempted to avert his gaze. His little fit however, did not go unnoticed.

"Let's go!" You said, playfully slapping Hoseok's shoulder before running after Lea.

"Yeah... let's go." He whispered, but to no one in particular. 

The morning went on without a hitch, besides the misstep of forgetting to put on sunscreen and having to wait until you were dry to put some on. There was no way Hoseok was going to see you looking like a lobster today, uh-uh.  

Before you knew it, the sun was peaked in the sky. It's rays flared down, warming the cold waters and kissing your skin. It was only half past noon, but the four of you had turned at least two shades darker. Hoseok looked amazing, like more amazing than he did last night when his hair was parted down the middle and wearing the jeans that shamelessly accented his butt perfectly. But now, he had you drooling. His tanned skin worked perfectly with his hair color and the swimming shorts he wore left very little to the imagination. Not to mention his physique. You remembered from last night that he mentioned he danced but, damn, you weren't expecting this.

"Hey! I'm getting kind of hungry, what about you guys?" Lea said, doggy paddling her way over to where you and the boys waded.  

"Yeah I could go for something." You agreed, regretfully pulling your gaze from Hoseok. The boys hummed in agreement and followed you out of the water, taking their time to let the water drip from their body.

"Why don't you, Hoseok and Lea get something? I'll stay here and watch our stuff, okay?" Namjoon suggested as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Sounds good to me." The others nodded along, patting down their bodies to get rid of any excess water.  

The sun's heat could be felt 100 times more now that you didn't have the water to cool you down and even though you'd put on numerous layers of sunscreen, your main fear was that it was going to fail and you'd end up looking like a tomato. Well, that and plus it'd be painful. Sunburn was no joke.

"So, what sounds good?" Hoseok asked as he skimmed the menu, breaking you from your thoughts.

"I don't know... uh, maybe cheese fries?"  

Hoseok hummed, raising his eyebrows, "Maybe we could get cheese fries and share them, that way we could get like a hot dog too?" You smiled to him and nodded. Naturally, you could eat a whole order of cheese fries by yourself, but if he wanted to share with you then who were you to deny him?

"I think I'll get cheese fries too. Oh, and a funnel cake! What do you think Namjoon will want?" Lea chimed. But before you or Hoseok could put in your input, a small crowd of people surrounded a table only a few away from where you were standing.

Curiosity got the better of you, and you wandered to the sight.  

"(Y/N), um, maybe you should stay back here?" Hoseok warned, concerned at what was happening.

"It's probably just some kid who got sick!" Lea howled, beckoning you back with her hand, "Let's order, I'm starving!"

However, you didn't listen. You held up a finger, telling them to give you just a minute. The crowd grew larger and the hushes amongst the onlookers turned into booming echoes gossiping about whatever was happening. An onsite paramedic pushed his way through the dense crowd quickly as he gripped the first aid kit.

"Move! Move! I need to get to the patient! Sir, are you okay? Can you hear me?" You heard him speak. Deciding to be a bit more nosy, you pushed through a couple more people so you could get a good look at what was happening.

It was a man, probably in his early 20's. He was convulsing and he looked gauntly pale. Heat stroke? You thought. There was something unsettling about the situation, though. This wasn't any kind of heatstroke you'd seen. He twisted and shook, he arms and legs snapping in different directions, so loud that you could have swore they were breaking.

"Help him! He's seriously wrong!" A girl yelled, clutching the side of the paramedics arm. You presumed it to be his girlfriend. "Yeah!" The crowd jeered, "Help him!"  

A look of annoyance appeared on the paramedics face. He was trying to do his job, it was just hard with all the surrounding chaos.

"I'm trying! Miss, was anything wrong with him before? Too much sun? Did he eat something wrong? Have any allergies?" He quizzed, picking up the man's arm and injecting an IV into it.

"No, no! No allergies, he's been in the shade so not that! He ate some kimbap I brought from home and then he started acting like this!" She sobbed, the tears streaming from her eyes as if she were a river.

"What was in the kimbap, Miss?"

"Uh-um, radish, carrot, egg, ch-chicken? I-I don't remember fully, I just threw stuff together!" The paramedic looked deep in thought as he steadied his grip on the patient before turning to his walkie-talkie, asking for a gurney.

"Don't worry, we'll get him better." He smiled, "Now, the rest of you-" Before he could finish his sentence, the man in his arms seemed to stop convulsing and only seconds later, he pounced.  

The man took after the paramedics neck, sinking his teeth into his flesh as if it were as soft as butter. The gurgled screams of the paramedic could be heard miles away. It imprinted itself in your mind as did the sight in itself. The man's girlfriend jumped back, her eyes widening as she opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. The crowd dispersed immediately, everyone running off to their families in an attempt to escape. Their shrill shouts and yelps were the only thing that could be heard.

You knew what this was. There were numerous shows on TV about it, hundreds of movies. Not in a million years did you think it'd ever happen, but you were no fool. It was exactly the same.

It was like you'd turned into stone. You could only watch as people shoved and pushed you in whichever direction as they booked it to the exit. You were stuck and you knew that if you didn't get your mind back on track, you were next.

Time seemed to pass in minutes as the people ran, screaming for their lives but in reality no more than 10 seconds had passed. 10 seconds into the initial bite; the one that would start it all. He ripped and chewed into the paramedics neck like some dog toy but after the 10 second mark, he flung himself off, diving for the terrified girl on the ground and doing the same to her.

Your eyes reluctantly traveled to the paramedic. It was the same; the convulsions, the snapping and contortions but it was quicker this time, and then he was on his feet. His hungry gaze set on you.

A crackled snarl echoed from his bloodied mouth before he took off after you. This was it. You'd just met the man of your dreams and in a day he was being taken away from you. Well, you were being taken away from him but still. Your stone body turned to water as you felt the fear run from your head to your toes, your knees giving way as you accepted what was about to happen. You were going to become one of those things.  

Your eyes fluttered shut as you sent a quick prayer of forgiveness, hoping to go somewhere nice after your imminent death. You braced yourself for the bite, for the pain, but it didn’t come. Instead, your eyes opened and what you saw made you wish you did in fact get bit.

Lea stood before you, pushing the beast from you as his teeth locked into her arm, "Hoseok! A little help here!" You don't know where he got it, but what looked to be an ice pick of sorts was gripped tightly in his hand as he came up behind it hesitantly, waging a war with himself. Was he really capable of stabbing a guy? Like, this could just be a case of Mad Cow Disease or something and if it was and it comes out that he was the guy who killed some random person by stabbing him in the head, then he'd be locked up for years! Maybe even life!

"Hoseok!" Lea hissed, tears cascading from her blue eyes, "In the head. Do it now!" And without another word or second passing, he did it. He shoved the blunt pick through the skull of the paramedic with his eyes shut, a tight grimace settled on his face.

"Okay, fuck. Let's go before these two get handsy." Lea sighed, grabbing you from the ground and Hoseok from his state of shock.

Once a bit of distance was in between you and the concession stand, you slowed down, only a bit though. Other people and families rushed to the exit, foregoing their belongings. As long as they could get out of this place, they'd be okay. But the front gate was practically a buffet for the two zombie lovebirds back at concessions. You turned your head back as you walked with your arm around Lea. The two had found the lot of people and began their attack. Starting with a teenage boy in blue trunks.

10. 9. 8. 7.

Another bite.

6. 5. 4. 3.

Another.

2. 1.  

And that was all it took for the boy to change. He was as feral as the other two. Ten Seconds to change. Then that about Lea?

Your eyes cautiously gazed up to her. She looked pale, compared to her summer tan, nearly white. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes were turning bloodshot, but she was determined to get you to Namjoon. Fuck, where was he?

"Lea, Lea wait." You said, setting her down on the pavement. Tears welled up in the corner of your eyes and you didn't care if Hoseok saw them fall. He was still in a state of shock and it looked like he couldn't comprehend anything that was going on.  

"Lea... I'm so sorry." You choked. Your fingers ran through her bleached blonde locks as you cradled her head to your chest. She feebly lifted hers to grace your arm before uttering, "It’s okay, baby cuz'. I gotta protect my youngin's don't I?"  

You pulled her head back, looking into her orbs that were once a pearlescent shade of turquoise blue, now mimicking the color of a dusty ashtray. You were confused at where her newfound southern accent was coming from, but you decided to ignore it. Guilt ate away at you. This shouldn't be her. It should be you. You hated yourself for letting someone so precious to you do this. This wasn’t real, right? Just some sick, messed up dream.

"Hoseok... stab me." She mumbled, her eyes crossing slightly, her fingers beginning to twitch.

"No!" You barked, snatching her away, as far as you could from the sharp point.

"Babygirl," Lea cooed, her accent still there, "Let him do it! I don't wanna be one of them sick fucks! Stab me! Stab me!" She howled, her breathing becoming irate as you felt her heartbeat skyrocket. Every breath she took became louder, almost as if she couldn't breath, as if her lungs were filled with a thick mucus.  

"Lea! Why are you talking like that? You can't leave me. There has to be something we can do. Maybe, we can cut off the wound? Or maybe-"  

"Stop!" She screeched, the volume hurting your ears, "Stop, stop, stop, it's too late! It was always too late!" Her voice became maniacal as she broke into a loud laugh. It terrified you that she was acting like this. Was this part of the turning process?

"Stop! Get a hold of yourself! This isn't you!" You sobbed, the tears flowing at an unruly speed.

"Hoseok, stab me! Fucking do it!" She begged. He stepped closer, the pick shaking in his hand as he looked at the two of you unravel.

"No, please! Don't! Hoseok do-"

"Just do it!" She screamed. And before you could utter another word, Hoseok did it. It was quick and you prayed, painless.  

You couldn't breath. You couldn't think. You couldn't move. Your body had turned back into stone as you held onto Lea's lifeless body. Blood poured from the stab wound as he pulled the pick from her head, staining your hands and legs. In the distance you could hear someone calling for you, someone clutching your arm to take you away but you didn’t dare follow. You wanted to die too. How were you going to make it without her? A life without Lea was not a life at all.

Unfortunately, your body betrayed you as your legs mechanically followed wherever you being dragged off to. After some time, you stopped. Two voices in the background could be heard talking to one another. Something about a back exit, a slur of fuck's and whatever else. You couldn't hear much, not that you wanted to anyways. Once again, you were on the move and pretty soon, everything became dark.

You don't know how long had passed since you had blacked out, but when your eyes opened, the sun was almost set. Your surroundings consisted of Namjoon, Hoseok, a couple of bags in the back and a blanket and pillow for you. You sat up quickly, alarming Hoseok who looked back at you with heavy eyes. Namjoon glanced at you from the rear-view mirror, a sigh escaping his lips before attempting to smile to you.

"Hey, baby. How do you feel? Got a headache? Here, I've got some tylenol and water." You shook your head at his offer and leaned back into the seat. You didn't want to think, even though logically that wasn't possible. The images of earlier flashed through your mind and it made you sick to your stomach.

"Namjoon," You moaned, "Pull over."

He did as you asked and immediately you jumped out of the car, your knees still weak from earlier. But as soon as your feet planted themselves on the ground, you threw up any contents your stomach held.

"That's to be expected." Namjoon sighed, pulling your hair away from your face.  

Once your stomach was emptied, you leaned back against the truck, clutching the bridge of your nose in an attempt to settle the dull pain that was beginning to fester. In all honestly, you wanted to go back to sleep.

"So, it all happened. Everything that my brain keeps showing me? Like, the fucking outbreak, I assume we're going to call it? Lea... Lea begging to die?" Namjoon huffed, handing you a bottle of water to swish your mouth out with.

"Well, that's not what the media is calling it right now. They're calling it The Strain. A Strain of bird flu or some shit like that. Strain X-44."

"Where are we?" You asked.

"Mmm, about a couple hours outside of Arkansas?" He said, peeking into the woods surrounding you all.

"So like, Tennessee?" He nodded, reaching for the door handle to the truck, "Get in."

He looked tired and strung out which was more than acceptable considering the situation you were in as of now. You could only imagine how you looked. He looked as if he'd aged 10 years in the span of probably 6 hours. Seeing him like this always hurt your heart as it seemed like he felt the need to take on the role as leader. Sure, it was a nice gesture, but he deserved a break every now and then. You feel like you could already see it. Namjoon agreeing to take care of you and Hoseok until you find safety and even then, he's going to be your number one subordinate. Not that you minded in a way. Any way to stay close to someone as cunning and responsible as Namjoon was probably the only way you'd survive this thing.

"So, how long was I out?" You questioned, not bothering to put on your seatbelt.  

"Hm, maybe 5... 6 hours?"  

Subconsciously, you reached for the bag on the ground that you found surprisingly to be your purse. They must have grabbed it when we left the park? You thought. You dug around for your cell phone, considering it'd only been a few hours since the 'Strain' started, you figured there'd still be service. And there was. Numerous texts and calls from family members asking about yours, Namjoon's and Lea's whereabouts or 'are you okay?'s littered your phone which all seemed to stop around 3:00pm. You figured that Namjoon got in contact with them and let them know which you were thankful for. There was no way you could have told your Aunt about Lea. You bit back tears even thinking about it but blinked them away as you unlocked your phone.

Every social media site held different articles that meant the same thing. The ominous print of the black, bolded font: End of the World, was seen on each of them.

"So, here's the lay down," Namjoon began, "This... thing. The strain. It seems to be a lot more temperamental than people thought." His words were solid and thorough and something about it scared you, but you listened nonetheless.

"A lot happened while you were out. So, like I said, it's a strain of Bird Flu and the CDC thinks it came from a certain brand that sells poultry or whatever but the thing is that they sell to all over the country. We don't know if it was just the one chicken that had a bad batch or if it was the whole lot. But we've heard on the radio that it's popped up in other states already. Like, New York, Ohio, Florida, Washington? And other ones. Naturally, the Government is gonna conceal it and say that they have it under control, but fuck, you saw how quick those things turn. What was it? 15 secon-"

"10," You interrupted, "It takes 10 seconds. I-I counted."

"Fuck..." You heard Hoseok whisper, turning his head to the passing trees outside of the window.

"10 seconds. So it seems as though you turn in 10 seconds or you lose your mind and then turn. Fuck, I'm so sorry you had to see that, (Y/N). This shit moves fast. We stopped home, got some things and talked with yours and my parents. We're heading down to Arkansas to get in touch with Hoseok's parents and then we're heading to Texas to meet ours there. The Military have a quarantine zone until this gets figured out. Not that that is going to happen though. This is it." Namjoon was right- blunt, but right. There was no going back from this. Unless the CDC or Government or CIA or whatever held some cure that they had magically been working on, then this really was it. The End of the World.

A few more hours on the road, which surprisingly wasn't as busy as you'd think in the wake of a fucking zombie apocalypse, you made it to the small hometown of Hoseok's which was still relatively calm. Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be happening here. People locking up their shoppes, heading to the safety of their own home. Stray people walked the streets in the main square and party goers yelled and cheered outside of some pub. It was too normal. They were going about completely undiscerned. Not aware of the alternative scenario that eventually would hit, even here.

"Do they not know?" You slipped, not meaning to say it out loud.  

Hoseok sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "Either that or they're in denial... It's a small town in Arkansas. No one is going to believe there's a zombie apocalypse looming. They're too Christian."

"Isn't there something in the bible that talks about the dead coming back to life, though? Like, in the End Days?" You pegged, becoming genuinely concerned for the safety of these people.

"I mean, maybe? I don't remember. I'd try and tell them, but they'd look at me like I were crazy. It's a lost cause. Let's just get to my house. It's a straight drive down the dirt road here, and then a sharp left at the stop sign."

Namjoon followed his directions and ended up at a big, white house. The paint chipped off the paneling partly due to its age but also because of the weather. It was a typical farm. The wrap around porch with the big, green oak tree in the front with the tire swing tied to a branch. The large, metal cylo in the back, hell, even the red barn that housed none other than the animals themselves.  

"Does your family take care of chickens?" Namjoon asked as he pulled into the driveway.

"… Yes. Do you think they'd be unsafe?" Hoseok quipped, his eyes widening.

"Well, considering that this started from a chicken, it'd be smart to stay away?" You both nodded, hopping out of the truck.

It smelled like hot manure to be frank. The temperature had to have been over 90 degrees during the day so it was only natural for a farm to smell like dung and animals. You winced as the array of smells that wafted through your nostrils and your hand almost went to cover your nose but you didn't want to seem rude.

"Don't worry, (Y/N). You'll get used to it." Hoseok smiled.

"I don't know how you endured this your entire life."

Suddenly, the screen door to the house swung open, revealing a small, older lady in a satin pink night gown and purple slippers holding a shotgun.

"Hoseok! Is that you?" She called, her hand shining a large flashlight at the young man. From first impressions, you were terrified of Hoseok's mother.  

"Yeah! It's me!" Hoseok howled back before turning to face you and Namjoon who'd finally met you on the other side of the truck, "Let's go, guys."

"A fucking shotgun?" Namjoon whispered, you clutched on to his arm as the nerves hit you.

Hoseok's mother set the shotgun down against a post on the porch and made her way to her son, her arms wide open.

"What are you doing home? And so late at night? It's 2am! Are you eating okay? Gosh, you look skinny. Come in and I'll make you some food. Are these your friends? You come in too, we'll introduce one another once we're inside."

You and Namjoon looked at each other before looking back to the older lady who ushered her son inside, scolding him further about how late it was and how she hates surprises, but followed anyways.

The interior matched the outside. Dated. Faded, floral wallpaper with a scuffed up white trim adorned the walls. Hardwood floors that were covered in round rugs and green furniture were also present. The only modern thing in the room seemed to be the large flat screen that was mounted against the wall and it's connected modem, blinking blue and green lights signaling its connected status. Pictures of Hoseok and his family decorated the walls along with random trinkets and knick knacks. It was very quaint, and it made you feel at home. It seemed like the first time, in a long time, that you could be at ease. Even though the feeling was faint and you knew it would be the only time you'd feel it for a while.

"So, what brings you here so late?" Hoseok's mother spoke, walking into the kitchen to fetch snacks and drinks for the lot of you.

"Mama, did you hear about what happened at the waterpark in Virginia?" He said evading the question.

She sighed deeply. It was clear to you that she was amongst the majority of the town. Either clueless, or didn't want to face the facts.

"I did. What was it for? Someone went a little off the wall and attacked somebody? I hope they have him in custody."

Hoseok winced. He knew how his mom was and he knew she was in denial. Unfortunately, knowing his mother, he knew there was no way to get through to her. But he'd be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

"No, Mama. We were there. Me, Namjoon and (Y/N)-"

"Oh, that's your names? It's nice to meet you both." She smiled, interrupting Hoseok.

"Me... and (Y/N)," He continued, his words strained, "We saw what-what happened. It wasn't a crazy psycho killer. I-It was something else. He... He bit the paramedic and then the paramedic turned into what he was and then his girlfriend and then... (Y/N)'s cousin. They all changed or were changing into things that ate each other."

Namjoon and you sat there quietly, listening and taking in everything Hoseok was saying. It looked as though the information was going in one ear and out the other as his mother sipped on her tea.  

"Hoseokie..." She cooed, "I know what I think you saw, but I don't think that's right. The government is telling us not to worry and that they have everything under control. We need to trust them!"

Hoseok looked at his mother with wide eyes. Deep in his heart he knew it was a waste of breath but he couldn't get himself to give up.

"Mother! I know what we saw! I stabbed them in the head! Lea and the paramedic! They're dead! They turned into fucking zombies-"

"Hoseok, your language!" She hissed.

"No, Mother! I'm telling you this so we can take precautions! It comes from birds and it's probably in the air somehow getting them sick. You have chickens. They're infected! You need to pack your bags and come with us to Texas to the quarantine zone until they get this figured out."

Hoseok's mother shook with anger, her filled tea cup threatened to spill over the edges as she tried to formulate her words. Gently, she set her cup down with a small clink and sighed.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not until your father is feeling better. And even then! How am I supposed to just up and leave?"

Hoseok looked defeated. There was no way to convince his family to meet him in Texas no matter how hard he tried to convince or beg or whatever. They were too set in their ways. He had been right about this town, it was a lost cause.  

"Fine, don't come." He finally caved. His voice was shaky and tears welled up in the corner of his eyes and you had to look away to stop yourself from crying. You couldn’t help it. After losing Lea today, your emotions were scattered and fried and you knew where Hoseok was coming from. If they weren't going to go, he was going to lose them too. In a scenario like this, loss is inevitable, however that doesn't mean you won't try to change it. But unfortunately, there's only so much you can do. Hoseok's parents; this town, they're food for the undead.

Suddenly, a loud rattle shook the walls from upstairs. Each of you looked towards the sound and then to one another and then to Hoseok's mother who sipped on her tea once again. She stood, wiping her hands on the front of her nightgown, and then clasping her hands together and smiling.

"So! Is anyone hungry? I made a blueberry pie yesterday!" Your stomach rumbled at the mention of food. You couldn't even remember that last time you ate? Was it the 4th of July party? It's been a whole 24 hours plus! Blueberry pie does sound amazing too, you thought.

"What was that?" Namjoon asked. Bringing your attention from the pie back to reality.

Hoseok's mother stopped in her tracks and turned slowly back to the lot of you, her face unreadable.

"What was what?" She feigned but, Namjoon was not in the mood for games.

"That sound. That fucking loud bang that we all heard." Her eyes (and your's and Hoseok's) widened at Namjoon's tone. This was him though, his personality. The boss.

"I-I don't know what y-you're talking about but I don't appreciate your to-"

"Oh, you didn't hear it? So you don't mind if I go and check it out then?" Namjoon interrupted, standing from the couch and heading over to the staircase. Out of reflex, you followed him. At first it was because you didn't want him to go up there but curiosity got the better of you.

You, Namjoon and Hoseok climbed the rickety staircase and were met with a single hallway. It held 4 doors, two on each side and an open closet at the end.  

"Split up?" Namjoon offered.  

You scowled, "What are we? Fucking Mystery Inc. From Scooby Doo? No splitting up."

Hoseok sighed, pushing past the two of you to the room at the end of the hall and creaking the door open to a small sliver.

"Dad? Are you okay in here?" He asked in a small, hushed voiced. It was quiet. Hoseok figured he was sleeping and he didn't want to disturb a man who'd been on the farm working all day in the blazing sun but when he turned to step away from the threshold, a muffled gurgle rang through the air.  

Your blood went cold at the sound. As a reflex, your clammy hands reached for Namjoon's arm, clutching onto him for safety. Hoseok stood tight lipped at the door. His grip on the bronze door knob turned solid as his knuckles changed to white. His mother snuck up behind you and Namjoon, poking her head around your shoulder. Her hand beckoned Hoseok back as she whispered for all of you to follow her downstairs to "talk", but none of you moved.

Hoseok opened the door wider, just enough to slip his hand in to find the light switch and once it was flipped, he opened it fully. His father laid there, his chest gently rising and falling with each breath he took. Hoseok took one of his own in relief as a loud snore shook through his father. Your eyes looked up to him expectantly to which he returned with a smile. Alleviation washed through you only somewhat considering what was still going on in the outside world.

"So, now that you know it's nothing. I'll show you to your room." Hoseok's mother piped in.

"Our rooms?" Namjoon questioned. He was not comfortable at all with the idea of staying the night somewhere that wasn't in the quarantine zone.

"Just stay the night. Get your rest, I'll pack some food and water for you guys and then head on to Texas in the morning." You nodded. You couldn’t argue with that. Even though you'd slept 6 hours in the car, it was nearly 3 in the morning and sleep was calling your name. A bed sounded perfect.

"We'll stay," You decided, garnering a dirty look from Namjoon, "Thank you for the hospitality."

She smiled slightly before heading to the closet and grabbing towels and sheets, "Okay, the room right across from ours is where you and Namjoon will be staying. It's Hoseok's older sisters. There's bunk beds in there. Also, here are sheets in case it gets too cold and towels for a shower. A day on the road can get a bit grimy."

You smiled back, grabbing the items from Hoseok's mom and making your way to the end of the corridor.

"(Y/N)!" Hoseok called, you hummed in response.

"About earlier. I shouldn't have mentioned Lea like that. I know it's still sen-"

"Stop." You whispered, "It's okay. I don't want to talk about Lea anymore, alright? Now, I'm going to shower. I'll see you in the morning, yeah?"

"Yeah, see you in the morning. Goodnight, (Y/N)." Hoseok said, squeezing your arm as a form of endearment.

"Goodnight."

It felt as though you'd only closed your eyes for a few seconds before the rooster sang it's song of morning at the crack of dawn. It's tune woke you in an instant. The light from the sun barely flooded the room with it's pale blue shade that twisted with the incoming pinks and oranges. You sighed quietly, your mood soured that you were so easily woken while Namjoon snored the air away only a couple of feet from you. You endured a couple more minutes of tossing and turning, praying that you could sleep for at least another half hour. But, to no avail. The sun decided to rise quickly this morning and the room was already heating up. Looks like you were up for the day.

As you sat up on the lower bunk (avoiding to bump your head), you got a good look of Hoseok's sisters room. There were pictures on the desk and walls of which you assumed to be her in different situations such as a elementary soccer team, or prom. A dresser with a vanity was placed in the corner that held different lotions and perfumes and nail polishes atop it. The walls were a dusty rose color that matched the dusty beige carpet. It seemed to be a typical girls room that grew up in it. Changing over the years as she entered her different phases and tested new things. However, for a girl who moved out of her childhood home, it seemed as though she left quite a bit of stuff. It could have been that she took nothing at all.

As you sat there wondering why she'd leave all this stuff behind, a soft knock broke you from your thoughts and at the door stood Hoseok himself. He waved you over with his hand and mouthed 'follow me' so considering you had nothing else to do, you listened.

The two of you made your way down the stairs as quietly as you could and settled at the kitchen table. The sun had made it's appearance and there was something somber about how the corals mixed with the blue sky of the day and night.  

A few minutes passed of nothing; no talking, no looks, hell, it seemed as if he wasn't breathing either! So you were the first to break the silence.

"H-How'd you sleep?" You said, your voice a bit gravelly from not talking in however many hours.

Hoseok sighed and glanced up to you only briefly before looking back to his held together hands, mindlessly playing with his fingers.  

"I slept okay. Y'know, all 15 minutes of it."  

"Why couldn't you sleep?" You asked, already sensing Hoseok was not in a good mood this morning.

"How could you sleep at all?" He hissed, his eyes turning hard and his lips into a thin line, "After everything that happened yesterday... Every time I close my eyes I see those-those things. I see what I did to that paramedic a-and Lea."  

The mention of your cousin made your heart flip and your stomach turn, but you knew you couldn't throw up even if you tried. Hoseok was dealing with the guilt, but it was as if he failed to see that it was the only thing he could have done. There's no cure in this type of thing. The paramedic was already gone, there was no saving him. And with Lea, maybe you could have cut her arm off to avoid the infection spreading but that was a slim chance. She'd already lost her mind. Not to mention if it worked, she could have bleed out or it could have got infected and she would have gotten sick and died anyways. He did the right thing, no matter how much it hurt.

"Hoseok," You began, your hand gliding over to his, "what you did at the park yesterday... It was the only thing you could have done, you know that right?"  

He sat there a moment, his eyebrows raising as tears threatened to spill and he shook his head.

"No, no. There was another way, there had to have been! I didn't have to kill them." Hoseok's words made you shake your head as well. Your hand fit into his and you squeezed it tightly in an attempt to keep him from turning hysterical. He squeezed back just as hard, his other hand coming to cover the both of them.

"No, that's not true and don't think that it is." You scolded. He seemed to calm down at this.

"You did what was right. You saved me, Hoseok. And-and, you saved Lea too. She didn’t want to be one of those things. No matter how much I opposed it at the time, I'm glad you did it. I didn't want to see her as one of those things either. A fucking... zombie. Ugh, I hate that word."

Hoseok took in everything you said to him with a heavy heart. It felt like minutes were passing in silence before he uttered, "I'm sorry."

His unheld hand made it's way to your cheek, forcing you to look at him. When did he get this close?

"Don't be sorry... not anymore."  

With a deep breath, Hoseok moved closer. His breath ghosted over your lips in such an intimate way that you thought you'd pass out from all the blood flooding to your head.

"Thank you."

And then his lips were on yours.

The kiss was like fire as his mouth moved with you. It burned up every fiber of your being. His lips were insanely soft yet a little chapped but you didn't mind it. Your connected hands separated to grab one another closer, as if you'd both disappear if you didn't. His stayed firmly planted at your cheek while the other went for your neck. His lips never missed a beat, even as he snaked his tongue into your mouth.  

It was as if the world around you had vanished. There was no more worry, no more fear, no more apocalypse. It was just you and Hoseok as if it'd always been that way. Like the two missing puzzle pieces were put back together and even if the rest fell apart, you'd always be able to find these two.

In all honestly, you could have stayed like this forever. His mouth on yours. His hands weren't even roaming! Like, how much of a gentleman was this guy? Your bodies moved closer and you were practically on top of him at this point. Your hands on his shoulder glided down to his chest. His toned body didn't surprise you that much cause you knew he danced but even with this small taste, it made you moan, the heat from your head moving south. Just a little whimper left your throat and it seemed to change something in Hoseok. Suddenly, his hand on your cheek fell to your waist, pulling you on to his lap. A not so little something poked your thigh as your hips grazed his causing you to smile into the kiss. Deciding to tease him a bit, you grinded down, just enough to cause a little reaction. He groaned a guttural growl, his fingers on your waist digging into your flesh.

But before the two of you could go any further, the stairs creaked signaling someone was coming down. You flung yourself off of Hoseok's body with wide eyes, thankfully landing back into the kitchen chair. Hoseok scooted the chair far enough under the table to hide his little problem. He could barely look at you now. His mother turned the corner, surprised to see the both of you sitting there.

"Oh! I didn't know you two were awake! Hungry? I'll make something. Hoseok, go upstairs and wake up Namjoon. Breakfast will be ready shortly." He nodded quickly, and fled the room before he could embarrass himself further to which you only smiled at.  

"So, (Y/N)," His mother began, "How do you know Hoseok?" Her question kind of caught you off guard. It didn't seem like right now was the appropriate time to try and pry into her son's life.

"O-Oh, um. I'm Namjoon's cousin. I met him a couple of days ago at a family get together." She hummed, taking a tray of eggs from the fridge and cracking them directly on to the hot pan.

"I see. From the looks of it, the two of you seem close?" She hadn't seen what had happened, right? Unless she had some crazy ability to fly down the stairs almost silently. Or were there cameras that she had hidden around the house? Subconsciously, you looked around the room for anything that could be close to a camera as you answered her question.

"C-Close? No. I barely know him." The sound of sizzling was the only thing that could be heard as she planned her next phrase carefully.

"Do you want toast?" She asked. You nodded, quietly swallowing the lump in your throat that had seemed to have formed.

"Get the orange juice from the fridge, will you? Oh, and (Y/N)?"

"Hm?" You said as stood, reaching for the what she'd asked.

"Stay away from my son." Her tone was harsh and it surprised you. Before opening the fridge door, you turned to look at the older woman who was already facing you, your eyes widening in confusion.

"Excuse me?" You scoffed.

"You heard what I said. A zombie apocalypse? Your filling my boys head with lies. You're just a devil woman trying to take my son away from me. Don't think I didn't see what the two of you were doing! A whore like you, huh? He should have just stayed here with me and his father, but no, he had to run away like his sister! It was the same with her, and now him. You-you demon! Using your black magic to hypnotize him and turn him against me!"  

You stood there, shocked. What was this lady on? There was something seriously wrong with her! She was delusional at best. You could see why Hoseok and his sister wanted to get away. She was losing her mind... Oh no.

"Listen, lady. I don't know what you're on about but I haven't done anything to Hoseok. Just calm down, okay?" Your eyes scanned her body to see if she had any marks or anything but you couldn’t see any.

"Don't try and spew that to me! I know that the Devil sent you to take my sweet Hoseokie away! I prayed everyday for him and still! I knew that the Lord was going to test me one way or another."  

You backed up into the corner of the room as she neared you, spatula in hand. The smell of burn wafted into the air as the pan started smoking.  

"You need to leave." She hissed. Her eyes were bloodshot, just like Lea's. "Go! Go! Get out of my house! Go!" Her breathing became the same as Lea's, erratic and uneven. She mantra'd the words as her fingers began twitching, her knees giving way as she dry heaved onto the linoleum.

"Hoseok! Namjoon!" You called, too scared to move anywhere.

"D-Don't call for my son, you heathen!" Her tone became monstrous. Her body fell to the floor and she twitched and snapped just as the paramedic had. You began counting down the seconds.

"10." Her groans were loud as you heard the bones snap.

"9, fuck! Help! 8!" Hoseok and Namjoon turned the corner to see his Mother on the ground writhing around in pain.  

"7! 6... 5." Namjoon looked at you knowingly and dove for the drawer, digging for any sharp utensil he could find.

"4, 3... 2." He grabbed her head by the hair, pulling her to her feet. Hoseok stood at the doorway, frozen. Just like you did yesterday. It was too familiar.

"1." You uttered, your body shaking from fear. Suddenly the convulsions stopped, her body going limp but only for a moment before her eyes opened to reveal a yellow hued iris. Her skin became gray as black and blue veins popped to the surface. Namjoon had a strong hold of her head which kept her from biting him. Her fingers desperately tried to claw at his arms and hands but in the blink of an eye the knife entered the back of her head and it was over.  

Namjoon dropped the knife and her body as he skimmed over his hands and arms in search of any marks or cuts. Thankfully there was none.

"Fuck." He huffed, leaning against the kitchen counter. Your eyes trained themselves on the poor older woman in front of you and then to Hoseok who was doing the same. You wanted to hold him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay and that you'd shelter him from anything that could hurt him but you didn't. You couldn't. It'd be a lie. You'd lie to him if you had to however. Just not about this.

"H-How did she turn? Does she have any bite marks on her?" Namjoon asked, still attempting to regain his breath and composure.

"No. I didn't see any. She turned like Lea. She started saying crazy things, repeating words. Just like her." You said. You didn't want to give too many details, at least not in front of Hoseok.

Namjoon lowered himself to her body and checked her arms for any bite marks and when he found none, he checker her legs. Sure enough, a bloodied wound was showcased on her thigh. It was fresh as the gash still bled. How didn't you notice that earlier?

"She was bit... but who-"

"My Dad." Hoseok scoffed.

"What? But he was fine last night, right?" You questioned. He checked on him and he hadn’t turned then, hadn’t he?

"I thought so. But maybe he wasn't actually snoring. It explains why my mom was acting like that. We need to go. My father got infected from something on this farm and I don't want to stay any longer to find out."

"Should we do something about him?" Namjoon mentioned. "Namjoon!" You scolded, but Hoseok shook his head.  

"Probably? Maybe we can just leave him in the room up there. Leave a sign or something." Namjoon nodded so you went along with it too.  

"I'll go up there and leave a sign and make sure that he actually has turned. (Y/N), can you pack some food for us?" You agreed immediately as the two of them turned to head back upstairs.

You packed what you thought was necessary. Bottled water, canned foods, some bread and peanut butter. Hopefully the boys like green beans, you thought.  

Once you were finished, you took the food to the truck, stuffing it away and grabbing a change of clothes which you did quickly outside. The two boys met you outside right as you finished changing with a couple of bags of clothes, blankets and towels. They put them in the back and soon enough, you were back on the road.  

No one dared to say anything for the first hour. Not until your stomach rumbled rather loudly and Namjoon decided that you all should stop somewhere and get breakfast. Hoseok fought back with how dangerous it would be to get out of the car at this point. Not because of infected, but because of looters. It seemed to be a problem to worry about now since the roads were a lot more packed now that people were realizing that there was no helping this. So you settled on peanut butter bread and a can of peaches for breakfast. It had to have been the best tasting thing on the planet at that point in time.

It was a long ride to where you needed to be in Texas. Around 10 hours or so, but no one did anything to pass the time. No music was played, no songs were sung, no words were said. Just the trees passing, the road signs telling you of your location and the sun that moved in the sky. But you didn't mind the silence, not anymore.

You made it to San Antonio without any major hitches besides nearly running out of gas in Benton, Arkansas because Namjoon was too paranoid to stop. Thankfully, you came across a small gas station that didn't have anyone there besides the old white man with the long beard that worked behind the counter. And of course you bought a slushie because it could be the last one you ever have.

The military was everywhere. You realized there were tanks and helicopters and soldiers that littered the whole city and everywhere in between as you passed the city limits. They checked you and the boys of any marks or bites with some beeping device and then your luggage which was deemed as safe and before you knew it (nearly three hours later) you were in the Quarantine zone of San Antonio. People from all over the country flooded the gates in hopes of safety. A few cars ahead of you held a man who was being checked for infection when the beeper went off. His actions became frantic as his arms swung in an attempt to save himself but before anything could happen, they just gunned him down. When Namjoon asked about it to the same man who shot him he said something along the lines of "We're not taking any chances."  

As it turned out, there were numerous zones set up around the country and even more being set up. This was just one of the larger ones; one of the first. Some soldier on a motorbike showed you the way to where you’d be staying until they "got it under control" which happened to be a hotel. They had people holed up in every hotel in the city. Any apartment that might have any opening as well. If there was a spot open, they'd fill it. Eventually, you knew they'd have to start turning people away and you prayed that your family made it here okay.

"Well," Namjoon spoke as he dropped the rest of the bags off near the doorway and wiping his sore hands against his jeans,  

"Welcome Home."

Two Years Later

Just like you all had said, there was no cure, nor will there ever be one. Well, maybe, but that was just you being optimistic. Things only got worse and now anywhere outside the quarantine zones were considered unsafe and no human were to be out of bounds. Only the zones were allowed and if you were caught outside, then you’d be killed on sight. Of course that didn’t stop people from doing it. There was still so much to raid out there, too much to just give up. People in the zones would make little factions, always dealing between the one another, trading the things they’d find or weekly meal cards.

In the beginning, you found yourself in one of the larger factions who was run by some guy name Julio. Him and Namjoon became quick friends and he offered him a spot in his group along with you and Hoseok. If it was a way to keep you safe and protected, then of course you’d join.

You realized it was too much to handle though one night on a raid to a near by town when you got a little too friendly with one of the roamers, which is what people in the zone called them. Roamers, Infected, anything else besides what they were. Zombies. The Strain, X-44, mutated quickly. It started in chicken feces; a parasite. When it met its host, the parasite would take over quickly depending on where the initial bite was. A little longer the farther away from the brain it was. But people never lasted more than a could of minutes, and even then they were considered lucky.

It made them go crazy. The parasite takes over your body until it’s made its home there and even when you kill its host, it lies dormant. After a while, the parasite grows some sort of fungus from the host which release airborne spore that will change you in a matter of seconds. Even in the ‘live’ ones. It’s the same. After a while, they all start sprouting deadly growths. It’s really not pretty to see. 

After a while with the faction, you decided to make your leave and instead work for the child unit in the city that took care of children who’s parents had gone ‘missing’ or got sick and died. Hoseok and Namjoon decided to stay no matter how much you protested, something about how this is what would be making the difference in the end.

The daily siren woke you up, 8 O’clock sharp, signalling people to get up and get ready to do their daily jobs to contribute to the zone. Some people cleaned, some farmed, some worked the hospitals. It was a functioning society except the government was in complete control and had eyes everywhere (not that much had changed). Well, almost.

You quickly got ready for the day, putting on your summer clothes and tying your hair up. You grabbed an apple from the kitchenette in your small studio apartment which you were transferred to a couple of months after staying in the Marriott. It was quite the downgrade, but since you were living by yourself, you couldn’t complain.

The commute to the Child Unit Building was quick as it was only across the street. The kids already excited and loud, ready to start their day. Some of them greeted you as you entered the building, hugging your waist and showing you pictures they’d drawn for you the night before. It was rewarding, this job. Working in the faction was a rush and fun but getting to see the smiling faces of the kids everyday was really something. You wouldn’t admit to anyone that in private you liked to call them your children because that’s what it felt like. You felt like a mother to them. 

“There you are!” Your sister smiled, busying herself with a little blonde boy who’d spilled his milk all over the table.

“Here I am!” You laughed, grabbing the paper towel and ripping her a couple of sheets.

“Miss (Y/N)!” The kid cooed, reaching up for you. You swooped up his little body with one arm and tickling his stomach with the other.

“Liam! How’s my little man?” The boy was only 3 years old. He’d lost his mother at the gates of the zone, which was a mistake on the military’s part. Their beeper went off on her but after further medical inspection it turned out she was infected at all which made you wonder how many people they killed were actually infected during the beginning months. The thought of it made you sick.

“Good, I’m hungry.” He whined, clutching on to your shirt. Your sister chuckled in the background, “Maybe if you hadn’t of spilled your cereal than you wouldn’t be hungry! C’mon, round two, lil’ Liam. Let’s leave Miss (Y/N) to get some work done.” She took the small boy from your arms and set him in the chair, pouring him another small bowl of generic cereal.

“Oh! That reminds me,” She shouted, scaring some of the other kids at the table, “You have a visitor in the backroom, Miss (Y/N).” Your eyes squinted at your sister as all the possibilities of who it could have been ran through your head.

“If it’s Jason again, I’m not going back there.” You detested, mentioning the man who was currently a bit obsessed with you. But she only laughed.

“It’s not. Just go see.” 

You walked to the back room cautiously. Was there someone you owed still? A debt you hadn’t paid? You could have swore that you took care of them before leaving the faction. Your hand only slightly shook as you reached for the silver doorknob and twisting it with ease. The sight made you look like you’d seen a ghost. 

His hair was a different color from the last time you saw him. The light blonde really suited his face and skin color which was kissed by the sun, leaving him a golden shade. He looked so good, your heart started to race.

“Hoseok.” You breathed, tears finding themselves in your eyes.

He stood from the chair he sat in and turned to you, flashing you the brightest smile you’d seen from him in a long time and you couldn’t tell if that was a good or a bad thing. He made his way over to you and wrapped his long arms around your frame easily, inhaling the scent of you he was so scared he’d forget.

“Hi.” He mumbled into your neck. The action was surprisingly intimate despite the fact that your relationship with him never went further than what happened in the kitchen that fateful morning. You didn’t care, however. It’d been too long since you’d seen him or Namjoon and it felt too good to worry about anything else. 

“It’s been two months, Hoseok! Two whole fucking months, you asshole.” You cried. You could have swore he was dead. The faction never had him out or more than two, three weeks tops! Let alone two months! Maybe Namjoon, but never Hoseok.

“I-I know. Things got a little hairy when we got to Oklahoma.”

“What do you mean? Where’s Namjoon?” You were starting to panic, realizing that he wasn’t along with him.

“Let’s sit down.” He said, ushering you to the table.

“No, where is he? Is he... Is he dead?” Hoseok sighed, taking a seat of his own. You decided to stay standing and folded your arms over your chest. Your heart rattled away as you waited for him to speak. Maybe you should have sat down.

“Namjoon isn’t dead.” Relief flooded your body and you let out the breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. Only then you allowed yourself to take a seat, letting your head fall in between your knees as you counted your lucky stars your cousin was in fact still alive.

“Oh, thank goodness. Where is he then? Headquarters?” Hoseok stayed quiet for a few more seconds before shaking his head, his eyes dropping to the ground.

“Well, for fuck’s sake, Hoseok! Where is he!?” Your patience was running thin and you knew you shouldn’t be yelling, especially yelling obscenities with little ears running about.

“Namj-Namjoon i-” With a deep breath to calm him down, he finally got out what he’d wanted to say since he’d seen you.. 

“Namjoon is missing.”

AN: So, anotha seriessss. Idk how long this one will be but I hope you liked the first chapter! Leave me some feedback~<3

[girlinthecorner19]

Stuck With Me

He left you on read. He never does that, like ever. Your thoughts begin to wander as to attempt to make evenly winged eyeliner.

He doesn't like you anymore. Why?

You wracked your brain. Thinking of everything you have said to him in the past weeks. You smile as you recall  the jokes you cracked and fun you have had. But nothing bad comes up in your mind.

You look at your phone. No new messages.

You check your refection in the mirror. Yep, still too big of legs and still no boobs. But you definitely couldn't complain of how your butt looked in the dress. The more you looked the more doubts filled in your mind. So now you ended on it looking too big.

You were wearing a cream colored turtle neck under a baby blue, spaghetti strapped, sundress. It had little light pink flowers over it and a lacy trim. After putting your dark brown, wavey hair into a half up half down look, you looked at your phone.

Sighing at the 5:18 that showed up on your phone, you text Ned and let him know you might be a tad late.

~15 minutes later~

"GET IN LOSER WE ARE GOING SHOPPING!" I yell as Ned walks down the apartment stairs.

He gets in the car "Hey."

"Hey."

Silence which is uncommon. I squirm a bit in my seat.

Seeing as he isn't continuing the conversation I speak up.

"Did you get the texts from me and Michelle?" I say.

"Yeah, I have no idea what's wrong with him. Maybe we will figure out tonight" he says quickly, shrugs and looks out the window. Silence fills the car again.

I know you can't sound like anything over text, but Ned sounded a lot more peppy when we were texting. What was going on with your friends?

"We should go see a movie after."

Ned seems to perk up a bit at this

"Yes! The Joker is out!"

I laugh at this, I'd never been much for DC super hero comics. Especially when they are made up. It didn't really make a lot of sense why someone would make up a superhero and a super villain when there are plenty to choose from that are real.

I shrug "I'll see whatever you want bubby."

He winces at 'bubby' and goes back to looking out the window.

I feel my face getting hot. Ok mental note, after being called bubby for 3 years Ned now doesn't like it.

'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY FRIENDS!' blasts in my mind. My only hope now was that Michelle was normal.

___

To my relief she was. We got to the diner at 6:04, Michelle sitting down at our usual table in the back. We try to sit in the back as to not disturb other customers. Our laughs are usually loud and often, and we are all on a debate team so you know... we debate. But we are paying customers so we don't worry about it too much.

"Hey guys surprised to see you have made it here alive." She jokes.

"I don't know where you got that I was a bad driver!" I motion for Ned to take a seat before I slide in next to him.

"Oh I think you know." She winks

'what?' I look at her confused before she shakes her head.

"Speak of the devil" she said just as Peter walks through the door.

The little bell at the top of the door gives a joyful ring. Peter flinches.

"Hey Peter!" I say as he sits down next to Michelle.

He looks into my eyes and gives a slight smile. But says nothing.

A waiter soon comes around with menus "can I get you started off with anything to drink?"

"I will have coke" Michelle starts.

"Same" Peter mumbles.

"Sprite" Says Ned cheerfully.

"Water for me please and thank you." I say brightly, I had to stay positive. I am with my friends to get away from negativity, not have more of it."

Once the waiter left we all started talking. Peter slowly started talking more, and it all started feeling right again.

I smiled, stepping back from the conversation happiness filled my heart. There is no where I would rather be or be with.

Good Eats had become a favorite of ours. We started eating here for dinner or after school almost every weekend, for about 3 years now. It's usually pretty quiet, a steady stream of customers usually taking things to go. Which I didn't get, a big part of this place being great was the aesthetic. It reminded me of a 70s diner. Yellow booths, a jute box always playing great music, kinda ugly wall paper, and warm lighting. And the store owner was a really nice guy. He usually brings his grandkids and it's always funny when you get rung up by a 10 year old. Or have your water refilled by a 7 year old. Since we have been coming for so long so often, the owner has a special discount for us "I got to treat my best customers right!"  he would always say.

I snapped back into reality when I heard my name. I didn't really know who it came from.

"What?" I said shacking my head out of the clouds.

"We were asking about the van. Summer break is almost here, when is Caroline gonna be ready" asked Ned.

"Oh right, I would say just in time for school to let out." I said.

We had been planning our summer break since school started this year. It would be our last summer vacation ever, so it had to be epic. I always got excited butterflies from it, but it was mixed with dread too. Dread because I know when I get home my parents will be officially divorced. Not that I haven't known this was coming or that it needs to happen. It definitely does, I have a cup bruise on the side of my head to prove it. But, still I can remember when they were in love, like really in love, and I want it to go back to that. My heart feels heavy I still never know what changed for them.

No, nope stop! I feel my eyes watering. Internally I let out a big sigh. This summer vacation has to be perfect. I don't know what I will do if it's not.

"Alright let's go over the plans one last time." Peter says.

I smile reaching into my purse, pulling out a small light blue piece of paper. 1-10 lists of things we need to do while we are in California. We decided a beach trip is definitely what we needed.

I clear my throat and begin to read.

1. start off at Stark Tower to go over things with Tony such as Hotels, food reservations, and tickets

Did I mention all of this was Peter's early birthday gift from TS himself. We are all pretty jazzed.

2. head out across the country stopping at the finest Tony Stark owned hotels

3  get to LA and check out our crib

4. beach

5. Disney Land

6. Carnival

7. eat at a super fancy hotel

8. ruins of Mr. Stark's Malibu mansion

9. More beach

10. hike to the Hollywood sign

It was a packed summer for sure, but it had to be the best, it just had to be. My last slice of happiness before I move away with my mom, before I move from Queens to fuck knows where. Away from all of my friends, who are more of a family then my real ones. Who have gotten me through so much, stuck by my side through it all. Away.

"You ok La?" Ned asked his hand rests on my back, lightly rubbing it.

I shook my head back into the present. My cheeks grew warmer with embarrassment, I was crying. I quickly wiped my eyes with my sleeve, and gave a quick fake smile to my friends. They looked concerned, except Peter. He looked almost angry, this made me cry more.

"Yeah I'm fine. I-uh-i yawned." I stammered, I yawned wtf, who would believe that?!

"What the hell Lani, no one's yawns make them cry." Michelle said, her voice rose, but I knew she was just concerned.

Ned quickly dropped his hand from my back, my head instinctively turning towards him. He was looking at Peter.

"I'm fine I, i-just." I paused. I had told them about my parents getting a divorce, but not much. And I hadn't told them I was moving, and I wasn't planning on it till the trip is over. If they knew and brought it up it would just ruin the whole thing for me. I tried my hardest to not think about it ever.

"It's just my parents divorce, it's getting close to the last of all the court stuff. I just, can't stop thinking about it." My face continued the hot embarrassed sensation, I felt my under arms tingle as well, I could feel their eyes in me. My eyes stayed glued on my hands.

There was a small pause. Oh gosh this is embarrassing.

"Lani, no madder what, you will always have us. We love you." Michelle finally said.

I looked back at her, giving a genuine smile "Thanks, that means a lot."

But the little voice in the back of my mind kept screaming Except they won't always be there for you.

"Are you guys ready to order?" We all jumped a bit as the waiter had finally returned to serve us. She placed each of our drinks in front of us.

After we ordered I had asked if we could just forget I said anything, what I needed was a fun night with my friends. They all agreed and once Ned had brought up The Joker, a new conversation sprung. And I couldn't have been happier to not think about anything but my family life.

___

Once we had all gotten and eaten our food, we decided to head to the movie theater to watch The Joker.

"Ok how about Peter pays for drink, Ned pays for Popcorn, and Lani pays for the tickets?" Michelle suggests as we walk into the theater.

"Um, that's convenient, seeing as you pay for nothing!" Said Peter slightly annoyed "and we should all pay for our own tickets, they are too expensive for Lani to pay for alone."

Michelle give a little snicker before we all dicide it was every man for himself/herself.

I walk up to the counter, and smile brightly at the young man at the register. "Four tickets for The Joker, please and thank you."

"Sorry The Joker is sold out." He replies in a monotoned voice.

"What?!" Ned exclaimed "but I just checked online like 5 hours ago."

"Sorry The Joker is sold out" he repeats in the same voice. I don't blame him, he has probably had to say this so many people tonight.

"Hey, guys it's fine we can just pick another movie!" I say trying to lift their spirits.

"It 2 is out." Michelle offers.

"Yeah I'm down" says Ned

"Yeah me too" says Peter.

Three pairs of eyes look at me. I give a sheepish smile. I get scared very easily, they know this, but I'm willing to take one for the team. "Yes, let's go see It 2" I say in a not enthusiastic tone.

I turn back to the man at the register "um, four for It 2 please."

___

The theater is completely empty, which makes it about 1099999373783298xs more scary, oh gosh.

Hello it is Max it was getting a little long so I'm going to stop it here. Please let me know what you think!More on Ao3! I updated more on there, so go check it out!