#overthinking succession

[flock-of-cassowaries]

I’m having a deep think right now about the overlaps and the differences between the appeal of fascism, and that of libertarianism.

On one level, this is because I am writing a Sucession fanfic, and trying to get into Roman’s head.

But on another level only reason I’m even writing Succession fanfiction is that I identify with Roman, and that is in large part because he is a queer person who is philosophically in the thrall of his terrifying conservative father, whose love he desperately craves.

And once upon a time, that used to be me. And I feel deep and abiding shame about that.

(Not the sexy kind of shame. The devastating kind.)

But as I delve into philosophical discussions of fascism and conservatism (and honestly, I have not yet delved the deeply), I’m starting to realize that maybe I have less in common with Roman, and more with Connor (if we leave out his weird S3 white-nationalism dog whistles about the evils of onanism).

I’m basing a lot of this on the first chapter – which is all I have read so far - of “The Reactionary Mind” by Corey Robin; which I came upon via the source list for the linked YouTube video.

[link to “Endnote 2: White Fascism” by Innuendo Studios, on YouTube.]

Robin (if I’m understanding him correctly) posits that the end goal of conservatism is fundamentally Fishstick fascistic, and that the real animus driving political conservative movements is always the desire of the privileged to remain above those the existing social order oppresses.

I have certainly voted for, and carried water for, conservatives (a fact of which I am, again, deeply ashamed), but I don’t think that was ever the real appeal for me.

I’m not saying I didn’t internalize beliefs that were (I now realize) racist, classist, ableist, and elitist; but I don’t think that was ever the main draw, so much as a side effect of reading the goddamn National Post every fucking day

But for me, I think the main appeal of conservatism was the illusory promise of total self-sufficiency, and of being impossible to further hurt. It was the libertarian lie, bound up in the same nihilistic appeal as the Nine Inch Nails song whose hook is “Nothing can stop me now, cause I don’t care anymore.” (‘Piggy’ is the song.)

In this respect, I think I had more in common with Connor; I was also the discarded child who grew up to think of themself as “a flower that grows on rocks and feeds on the insect that land inside of it.”

Honestly, that soliloquy (from S4E2) could’ve been me at thirteen.

I felt rejected and shunned by the world, but I was also rapidly becoming aware that I could use my looks and intelligence as currency (just a Connor uses his literal currency as currency).

It was only when I was 21, and ended a long relationship, and found myself with no one to turn to, and no idea who I was, that my father swooped in to be my new best friend; and that’s when I became more Roman-like in my fawning attempts to appeal to him.

But I think Roman truly believes that his father is better than him, whereas a much more significant part of me always knew my own dad was a false prophet.

I think the world reaffirmed this belief in Roman, because his father has been so successful, and I think his father, concerned with legacy, has been much more active in fostering this mythology than my own father was.

(My dad would tend to just willfully ignore that l existed for several years at a stretch, if I was acting too cringe [i.e. not stereotypically conservative-lady feminine enough] for his conservative sensibilities; something I am assuming that Shiv could probably relate to.

The scene where Logan tells her he wants her back in the fold was very similar to what my father did with me when I was 21, and I glowed just the same way she did.)

But yeah, I think an internalized belief on Roman’s part that his father truly is better than him, and a desire to “be as good” as his father in order to redeem himself and overcome this inadequacy in his person, really feeds into Roman’s affinity for fascism / conservatism.

And I think that belief structure is with him in that bathroom with Mencken, unacknowledged and subconscious, and even more insidious than his conscious priorities of wanting to win points with Logan, and maaaaaybe wanting to be pushed to his knees and have a fascist phallus (a fascllus? I’m going to hell) thrust upon him.

Anyway, if anyone ever reads this, feel free to suggest some books / essays / videos to my reading list.

So far, in addition to the above-mentioned Cory Robbins tome, I am planning to actually finish “The Ur-Fascist” by Umberto Ecco, and to at least dip into “The Dialectic of Enlightenment” by Horkheimer and Adorno, and “The Authoritarian Personality” by Adorno.

[sunlit-mess]

I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.

[raviposting]

There is really...something, in how Connor seems the closest to Logan when it comes to death. He was told about the mausoleum from Logan, that he has this entire story about how Logan bought it and when, and who it came from. Con is the one to plan Logan’s funeral. Our only good-natured Logan & Connor moment came from Connor reminiscing about a moment with Logan and Connor’s dead mother. It’s him, the sibling who was cast out for three years and who accepts Logan’s death so readily with a simple “he never even liked me” and whose mother can’t get a front row seat like Kerry and Marcia and Caroline and Sally Anne can, it’s Connor who buys the house and is open to the siblings all living there and then again with the mausoleum, it’s him who knows this information and gets to share it with his siblings. 

And I want to say it’s about how much he’s accepted death and has faced their reality and maybe he has but it’s still another haunted house situation, but in a different way. It’s when Con buys the house that the siblings actually pay attention to him (so much so that Ken snaps and asks for them to stop ignoring him!). It’s when he explains the mauseloum and gives them the tour that they’re listening to Connor, entranced, because he’s giving them more information about their dad. Ken, Shiv, and Rome are stabbing each other in the back and dragging each other away from the door, claiming all the while that they’re not going to live in a haunted house and that maybe they can do better, maybe. But Connor sees, Connor sees and understands and accepts their reality and holds the door to the haunted house open and says well we can live here together, at least. 

[shradsmanifestt]

Stop asking me everyday to help you to manifest what you want. Your circumstances are not special. Your circumstances are not unique, and no your subconscious mind is not gonna be like I am not gonna give you that but you can manifest something else. You don't have resistance. There is no such thing as a big manifestation or a small one. If you don't mind me telling you but manifesting one dollar or manifesting a complete 360° degree change in someone is all the same to your mind, unless you believe otherwise. Writing out all of your circumstances in my asks and dms only tells me how you're not willing to change because you clearly aren't listening to what I say. Because if you did, you'd be sending me success stories or even thanks.if you're not willing to change what makes you think that I'll be able to do it for you? I can manifest for you but I won't. Because you're the creator in your reality, why would I bother doing something that you can clearly do yourself?! Now I'm not ranting to make anyone feel bad but rather to make you guys aware of what you're doing wrong. Stop feeling the need to dm me everyday when you could be using that time to saturate your mind that you already have what you want. Which you do. It's really as simple as that. And if you can't accept that then stop. Live your life like before you knew the law. Stop making yourself miserable over this and stop overcomplicating this shit.

[vyeoh]

The government wants me for my science degree and tendency to misread every social cue, apparently

[batw1nggg]

i think it’s interesting that komaeda alludes to chapter 5 as a final battle between hope and despair (the specific scene im remembering is the boat scene but im p sure he says this during the chapter itself too) because to me it reads as another battle between two hopes. both destroying the remnants of despair and forcing them to confront the truth and overcome their past are outcomes of hope. so which will win in the end which is stronger will makoto or munakata emerge triumphant etc etc etc.

but it’s the fact that komaeda initially views this as a battle between hope and despair that interests me. from an objective standpoint it WOULD be a battle between two hopes (every trial before 2-5 he describes the class vs blackened dynamic as being a hope vs hope dynamic), so i think its his emotions skewing his worldview. i mean he’s distraught and enraged and horrified after finding out the remnants of despair thing, AND his worldview about talent is already falling in on itself because the whole point of being ult despair is using your talents to embody despair, which is against what he believes in… so of course he’d view the outcome of the remnants surviving as despair, because he feels despair towards the remnants. even though the point is that hope will always overcome despair — and wouldn’t it be the ultimate instance of hope for the very root of the apocalypse to overcome its despair?

i think komaeda subconsciously understands this, but again, he’s just emotional. case in point: 2.5. this is why ive never been angry that 2.5 kinda retcons his motive in the end, when he says he believed hajime would make it to the lowest stratum + generally the fact that komaeda is nonchalant about being woken up, almost as if he knew hajime would win. in his clear mind, he’s able to acknowledge his subconscious belief that hajime would win, and that the remnants are the stronger hope. he had faith in hajime to figure out the case.

[aroacewxs]

vincent charbonneau is also aromantic: a personal interpretation and analysis from one aromantic

i'm scared of this not reaching the right people, but i just finished dead plate + got all the endings, and vince as an aromantic allegory is so relevant that it's driving me up the wall! keep in mind as you read that this is just my interpretation :)

the use of cannibalism as a metaphor in dead plate is interesting, as it usually illustrates a very obsessive love that someone has for another person or object, to the point where they let it consume them whole. however, i think you can also interpret the cannibalism as an obsession for trying to give the love that is expected of you.

"I've been told I don't cook with love -- which is a sentimental and meaningless review in the culinary world. I'm a professional chef, not a parent making a meal for their kid."

he can't cook "with love." i assume that he cooks by following precise formulas and measurements that guarantee flavour. flavour he can't taste. flavour he has read about, somewhat understands in theory, but can never experience for himself.

however, this doesn't mean his cooking is bad. he is critically acclaimed for his culinary skill. he opened la guele de saturne in his early 20's. it's no doubt that he's respected and feared in the world of food, but even with several awards to his name, he's told he's missing something. something supposedly crucial. something he doesn't give a damn about, but bothers him nonetheless.

"I can't stand eating. No matter the ingredient, no matter the recipe, everything tastes the exact same. It tastes like nothing, it makes me sick. But with… With you… maybe…"

there are several different interpretations of this scene, but i personally read it as vince living a delusion where if he keeps at it, keeps trying, forces himself to understand, he will eventually find what he's been searching for.

but he won't. it just doesn't work like that. not for him.

"If everything so far has tasted nothing to you, what makes you think I'll be any different? If you're really doing all this just so you can taste again, when it turns out I'm just like any other, what will you do? You would have killed her. You would have killed me for no reason. Are you really ready to deal with that? If this is your idea of trying to make yourself happy, I don't think you'll ever be full."

and rody was right. it wouldn't have mattered which part of him he tore off, it would have all just tasted the same. the same nothing. the same wave of disappointment and frustration would wash over him again and he'd be left a hollow shell with the knowledge that he had killed a person, he had eaten a person, he went through the whole ordeal, and it got him nothing. any hope that maybe this will be different, this won't be like the previous, would be crushed under his own heel.

to me, vince's obsessive search for his sense of taste is an unending search for this something you will never get. in the same way he will never taste, i will never experience love or romance in the way everybody expects me to. this isn't to exclude aros who do experience romantic attraction or do have healthy romantic relationships, and it's not to illustrate being aromantic as something unfulfilling or negative. but you can't deny that this acceptance carries a LOT of weight, and sometimes, denial is sweeter than making peace with it.

vincent charbonneau is my personal aromantic allegory, and whether or not it was intentional, i honestly felt very seen in his character, and i think that is so so important :) hopefully this all made sense,, if there is anything strangely worded i will make it clearer!

[impzone]

man sorry to continue neurodivergent posting but it kind of fucks with me that i was told “effort is an anxiety trigger for you” with a completely straight face, making me feel like a pathetic failure because what kind of sorry person is triggered by the idea of having to do homework, or any kind of hard work at all. and then years later getting diagnosed with adhd. anyway i think that’s the reason why now self-determination is the most important idea to me

[bluearchvdiary]

Manifesting your SP is easy if you have a clear mind and have removed all resistance. Assume the SP or anything you’re manifesting to be yours, remove any conflicting thoughts, and persist in the assumption and thoughts of already having it. Your only job is to change your thinking to what you want, not to change the 3D. The techniques are only to get you into the correct mindset and are not necessary. If you persist it’s already yours.

[eldritchqueerture]

unmedicated adhd will have you scrolling through the same posts on your dash for the third time, asking yourself How Do I Leave the House, hoping the answer somehow appears in the posts

[starteas]

I feel kind of silly for worrying if Lumi won’t reach it’s next crowdfund goal despite how much people have shown that yes, they do want to see this and my anxiety is just mean to me in thinking that they won’t.

At the same time it’s still a very real worry to have, but it also lead me to severely doubt myself last time and I feel if starting to creep in all over again…

[raviposting]

Absolutely. Amazing btw that the episode title we made fun of for sounding like a draft was covering up the real plot. It’s about Connor’s wedding and it’s not. Logan could have went to his wedding and he could have gotten to a hospital faster, or died with his family all around him. But Connor’s wedding was so stupid and inconsequential to him that he decided he was going to focus on the kids that mattered to him by messing with them all the more. So he dies, alone, in a plane bathroom.

Roman leaves the voicemail because he’s upset, and scared that his dad is leaving him out to dry again. And because he asks, twice, if Logan is really going to miss Connor’s wedding. Shiv misses those crucial moments of maybe talking to her dad and believing that he can actually hear her, because she was off to tell Connor that Logan wasn’t coming to the wedding.

And Connor? Connor decides that Logan’s death is as inconsequential as Connor’s life was to Logan, and he gets married anyway. It’s all about Connor’s wedding, in that it’s all about how much it isn’t about Connor’s wedding and important that becomes.

[skinnypaleangryperson]

I love that way know almost essentially nothing about Diane's personality, and yet somehow through the small little hints that we've gotten I can completely see them being such a simple, lovey, awkward little dovey eyed couple together.

I can't believe there was ever a time when I thought Rick was actually the narcissist that he claimed that he was for the first three and a half seasons at least-he was literally just emulating the person that he was told that he should be by Prime and probably by other countless versions of himself and obviously as a defense towards the fact that all he ever wanted to be was Diane's husband, and having that taken away from him, the only thing that he had left was to emulate something that he never wanted to be to begin with.

He seems like such a dopey, simple, goofy soppy, sad sack of a man now. 💜 Compared to who he was in the first four seasons for sure, even season 5.

[lordofthestrix]

Just in case anyone was under the impression that Shen Min was nothing more than a rare exception and I didn't expand each and every member of the Strix far beyond their intended original role for the show (Added to very sanely and in ways not at all worthy of worry created...25 or so new members, backstory included?) here is another quick example. This is Olivier Duval.

Except that he wasn't. The show used him for a single scene and didn't give him a name. I gave him a name. For some reason.

He is the vampire that proves to have no loyalty towards Aya and no desire to see her becoming Tristan's successor when Ariane reads their fortune. He has a single line of dialogue.

Following this, Aya kills him. So...How much backstory could I have possibly, once again, for some indiscernible reason, created around his motivations and positions out of this minimal interaction inside my head?...Around two seasons of secret society, court-like drama? This is not by any means a cry for help. I don't require help.

[bearhedge]

-----------

I find it interesting that when faced with deciding with book to buy, it seems like the answer is to get the one that had been published more recently.

For Anne's previous book ('Reading People'), I was excited in spending time immersed in a book which has squished a lot of the popular personality types. I myself have leant more into the knowledge that I'm an Outgoing Introvert, a Detailed (Enneagram 1) Dragon (Enneagram 8), and have Rebel-Obliger tendencies.

One of the first Personality Tests I've gone through is the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and it's probably the one I refer to the least. Maybe because I kind of like more of a deconstructed approach?

I noticed that being mostly a Dragon is also similar to being a Rebel. Not exactly the same because those who lean into detail (Ones) could have mostly Upholder Tendencies.

One think I am still skeptical about is tendencies changing. For example: A woman who I recently crossed paths with claims that she was an extrovert before and now she's an introvert because of hurtful experiences. I'm more of the belief that she was affected by the betrayals. That she might have been an Introvert all along.

Though you're probably waving your arms and reminding me that there are those who sit where Extroverts and Introverts are and are able to get the most out of both worlds.

As for 'Don't Overthink It', I found myself struggling to keep going. I'm not sure what it was. Maybe it's because I had a good Gut Feel of 'Reading People' that I didn't want to give up on this one? It could also be me wanting to sit with discomfort. That I see it as an opportunity to increase my Patience Threshold.

Part of me feels like the book isn't for me. That I'm not an overthinker and really would Rip The Band-Aid when I get to a certain point. What seems like overthinking might just be that part of myself that gets scared of the consequences. It's usually fuelled by past betrayals.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

“savannah the audition information for the winter’s tale hasn’t even been posted yet and plus you more than likely won’t even get cast”

me, already looking for possible monologues and debating whether or not the fact that i’m 20 and inexperienced means that perdita is the only leading role i could even remotely dream of getting (plus i already read her and really enjoyed it) or should i do something more general that could work for any of the three leading ladies: la la la la laaaaaa i can’t hear you (i actually can but i’m trying to ignore you)