#originally posted on my ao3 back in june last year

[hai-nae]

astral projection thoughts for mcu mk from awhile ago

[hockeylovee12]

Anyone But Him

Prologue-Discontinued Version

Jack Hughes/Original Character

Summary: The day Luke Hughes has been waiting years for finally arrives-Draft Day, little does he know this day will bring a new beginning for more than just him.

WARNINGS: Underage Drinking, mentions of death of a parent

A/N: I'm gonna be so honest I'm not sure if this classifies as a prologue because I couldn't give you the definition of one, but I had already planned out all my chapters when I decided to add this so now it's called a prologue. I have posted previous versions of a story entitled Anyone But Him on this tumblr but I have spent the last few months deciding I want to rewrite it. The previous versions will not be deleted but I will not be continuing them either. Starting from this chapter will be the series I will be writing from. Also I’m aware Luke was drafted in July not June because of Covid but for this story Covid did not happen, but the draft was still switched to a remote version due to something else. This is also posted on AO3 and I hope you enjoy it!

June 20th, 2021, Draft Day

The walls surrounding the spacious living room in Canton, Michigan owned by Ellen and Jim Hughes, appear to vibrate with a mixture of excitement and anticipation as a large crowd of familiar faces gather inside the space, their voices laced with emotion as they eagerly whisper predictions and hopes for the upcoming moment. 

Along the edges of the room, a camera crew stands silently, capturing this important moment. Their lenses remain focused on the nervous faces, surrounding the large television. 

At the center of attention, 17-year-old Luke Hughes sits rigidly on the edge of his seat, his navy blue suit stretching across his broad shoulders and tall frame. 

As he watches the numbers on the television continue to descend, counting down to the next draft pick, his heart relentlessly thumps against his ribcage and his fingers begin to tremble uncontrollably, betraying his conscious efforts at appearing calm. 

To the right of him, his oldest brother Quinn-the one he’s idolized for years-sits his posture impeccable as his fingers move his dark brown hair away from his face. Quinn silently offers a nod, a small gesture of reassurance, in an attempt to ease his youngest brother's nerves. 

On the other side of Luke, his brother Jack, remains calm and collected, his body leaning comfortably against the back of the couch, as he allows a playful grin to curl at the corner of his mouth as if to say “Been there, Done that” 

They’ve been through this before, not in this exact space, but the same anticipation, same nervousness, of waiting to hear your name called, to find out if all the work, all the late-night practices, all the hours you spent watching the same plays over and over again, if all of it was enough to make it to the NHL. 

Quinn had endured this waiting game in 2018, as the Canucks 7th overall pick, and Jack-who had a much shorter waiting period being first overall- felt the same nerves, up until the moment the New Jersey Devils announced his name, and now it’s Luke’s turn. 

The waiting is almost suffocating as the numbers continue winding down. The fourth pick would be chosen soon, a pick held by the Devils. 

Luke turns his head to the space next to Quinn, where the gorgeous girl with light brown hair and a flowy blue dress, is perched on the edge of her seat, her blue eyes glued to the screen with unwavering focus and concentration. His gaze lingers there for a moment longer, his heart fluttering with a feeling he can’t quite name yet. It’s the same girl who knows nearly everything about him, the one who’s shown up to every single one of his games for the past five years, the one who’s spent more nights in his bed than he could count, the one who sees him as as more than just a friend, the one that sees him as a brother. It’s Sadie, his best friend. 

His eyes flutter to the conjoining side of the couch where his mother Ellen and grandmother Penny are seated, their hands clasped tightly together and their eyes beaming with a mixture of pride and anxiety. 

On the other side of Jack, Jim, their father, and his younger brother Marty, share a tense posture from two armchairs, strategically placed next to the couch, their shoulders stiff with anticipation.

The coffee table in front of Luke is adorned with an array of hats each proudly representing a different NHL team. Luke nervously fiddles with his tie, his fingers itching to pick one up, to claim it as his own, to write his own future. But Not yet, Not until his name is called. 

Luke stares at the hats, their colors blurring as his thoughts race. This moment was more than just a personal milestone, this was his whole life, everything he has worked for since he was two years old, everything his family has worked for, his coaches, his teammates, every game, every win, every loss, all of it has led to this moment. His moment.

The final seconds on the screen wind down, and the crowded room falls into a hushed silence, every eye trained on the screen as Tom Fitzgerald, the General Manager for the New Jersey Devils, approaches the podium. 

Luke feels an invisible sting tugging at his spine, pulling him upright, and every muscle in his body begins to coil, prepapering to spring or recoil-whichever fate decides. The pulse in his throat hums, a silent prayer escaping through his clenched teeth, while the rest of the room, a mirror of anticipation, holds its breath. 

“With the fourth overall pick the New Jersey Devils are proud to select…from the USA National Development Program…Luke Hughes”

The words hang in the air suspended for a moment, before reality sets in and the room erupts into chaos, a mixture of cheers and applause filling the room. 

Jack, unable to contain his excitement after learning his baby brother was drafted by his team, practically tackles Luke in a bear hug, his joy contagious, as Quinn wraps both his brothers in a tight hug, congratulating Luke. 

Sadie stands beside him, her own smile beaming with pride and joy “The Devils!” she exclaims with a joyful laugh, as Luke turns to hug her tightly. 

Deafening cheers continue to erupt as Luke’s arms squeeze tightly around each member of his family. 

The TV in the background buzzes with commentary from the draft analysis. Their voices blend together with excitement “...and there you have it folks, Luke Hughes, will be joining his brother Jack in the NHL, what an incredible moment for the Hughes family…”

Luke’s eyes briefly flicker to the screen as one commentator adds, “...and let’s not forget, Luke is already committed to the University of Michigan, like his brother Quinn. What a powerhouse program they’re building there. He’s going to make quite the impact in the NCAA before he takes the ice in the NHL.” 

He turns his eyes back towards Sadie, a mixture of excitement rising inside him, at the reminder, he gets to go to his dream school, with his best friend. He watches Sadie tightly embrace his mom, tears of joy streaming down both their faces, as Jack reaches down to pick up a red hat with the iconic Devils logo, and hands it to Luke, who places it on his head. He made it. 

***

About an hour later the initial excitement and shock had begun to dispute, Luke had finally finished the whirlwind of interviews he found himself in, and he’s able to join the lively party taking place in the backyard courtesy of his parents. 

As he steps outside he’s met with a mixture of chaos and excitement. The nearly 70 people that were previously crowding inside the living room, had all spilled out into the backyard. 

The scent of fresh pizza mingled with the tang of barbecue sauce-an elite combination-accompanied by laughter, chatter and loud music coming from the speakers, fill the outside air. 

Luke maneuvers his way through the crowd of people, exchanging hugs, and fist bumps with friends and family, until he arrives at the barbecue area where a group of his friends are standing. 

He grabs a paper plate from a nearby stack and selects a piece of pepperoni pizza, before standing to the side of the group and listening in, a tap on his shoulder pulls him from his thoughts. 

He turns around to see Sadie standing there with a smile plastered across her face. 

“Congratulations!” Sadie exclaims, pulling him into a tight hug. 

 Luke lets his arms rest around her small waist for a moment longer, the feeling of his heart fluttering returning. 

“Thanks Sades,” Luke replies grinning from ear to ear “I couldn’t have done it without you” 

Sadie playfully rolls her eyes before replying with a smirk “Oh please, you would’ve made it either way” 

Luke shares a similar smirk before countering “Nuh uh I think showing up to my games was crucial to my success. Kinda like having my own personal cheerleader” 

Sadie laughs and narrows her eyes in his direction, delivering a playful threat “Watch it Lukey, You know I’ll push you into pool if I need too” 

The two exchange a look, a look only readable by them as a result of several years of friendship. 

The moment is interrupted by one of their friends Michael, a friend from high school, inviting them into the lively debate over the ultimate question of which pizza topping reigns supreme “Luke, Sadie help us settle this, which is better pepperoni or sausage?” 

“Definitely pepperoni” Luke declares with no hesitation

Michael shakes his head in disagreement, before continuing the conversation “None of you have taste buds!” he claims. 

A wave of laughter washes over the group, when Luke hears a voice call his name “Hey Hughes!”

He turns around to see his close friend Chase effortlessly weaving his way through the crowd to reach him. 

Luke takes a few steps closer to Chase, slightly distancing himself from the group. “Chase, hey man” Luke greets with a casual nod

With a mischievous glint in his eye, Chase leans in closer to Luke and directs his gaze towards Sadie, “Alright spill it,” Chase begins lowering his voice despite the noise around them “Have you talked to Sadie yet?”

Luke Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, his gaze instinctively seeking out the girl in question, who was now energetically tossing her hands up, defending her love for pineapple on pizza. 

“Yeah, I’ve…talked to her” Luke sheepishly responds. It’s not entirely a lie-he did talk to her about the draft-but that’s not what Chase was asking. 

“You know what I mean, about how you feel?” Chase presses his simple question speaking volumes to the complex feelings that stirred within him. 

Chase was one of the few people that knew how Luke felt about Sadie, beyond their platonic relationship, and he only found out after their senior prom prior, when Luke had planned on taking Sadie, as friends-at least that’s what he told her-but their plans fell short, when another guy asked Sadie, leaving Luke somewhat heartbroken, although he wasn’t quiet sure why. Chase on the other hand, quickly put the pieces together, and has been trying to offer encouragement ever since. 

“No” Luke confesses, tugging at the collar of his shirt, suddenly feeling suffocated by the formality of it. “I haven’t said anything, we’ll both be at Michigan come fall and I just I just don’t wanna mess up a good thing you know” 

Luke was more than happy to use the excuse of Michigan to end this conversation, because it was true, Luke didn’t need to worry about it now, They still have at least two years ahead of them, it was plenty of time for him to figure out his feelings. 

Chase claps him on the shoulder, a gesture heavy with unvoiced understanding “Well I guess you got time, just don’t wait too long for someone else to swoop her up, cus she’s a catch” he says a hint of encouragement and teasing threading through his tone “And hey now that you’re a first-round NHL pick, anythings possible right”

“Right,” Luke repeats, reassured by the simplicity in Chase’s logic. Anything is possible, including finally telling Sadie about the way his heart speeds up whenever she’s around or how he wishes more than anything he could lean over and kiss her. 

But not today. Today is a day for celebration. The other stuff well that can wait.

***

The evening sky continues to paint a canvas of deep blues and purples as laughter mingles with the fading daylight. Luke’s hand is still tingling from the countless handshakes and high fives he’s given through the night, when Jack’s teasing voice cuts through the noise. 

“Hey Moosey, come here” Jack beckons flashing a mischievous grin, well this ought be fun, Luke thinks as he walks closer toward his brother, and now future teammate. 

Quinn appears beside Jack, nodding in agreement, a silent partner in whatever scheme Jack has planned. 

Quinn wraps an arm around Luke’s shoulder and steers him through the crowd towards a more secluded area. 

Once their feet are planted in an area, out of sight from the majority of the guests, Quinn being the only one of the three who could legally drink, reaches behind a plant, and pulls out three bottles of beer, which he had snuck from the drink station a few minutes prior. 

Jack and Luke exchange a look-the kind shared by siblings who knew all too well the tale of bending a few rules. 

“Seriously” Luke raises an eyebrow glancing at Quinn. 

Despite prior accusations, typically coming from their mom or dad, Quinn was not accustomed to sneaking alcohol for his youngest brother, seeing as how Quinn still sees him as the baby of the family.

Jack on the other hand, had no issues, flashing a compelling smile, towards the pretty girl, who works weekends at a nearby liquor store, in exchange for her ‘forgetting’ to check his ID, allowing Jack to successfully buy a bottle or two for his younger brother. 

“Only because it’s your night,” Quinn says, the corners of his mouth twitching with suppressed amusement. 

Jack checks over his shoulder before passing one bottle to Luke “Don’t worry, I’ll take the fall if mom catches us” Jack assures knowing Ellen and Jim would not be too pleased to find Quinn drinking, let alone all three of them, especially considering the legality of it. 

Luke wraps his fingers around the cold bottle, and pops the cap off, a fizzing sound erupting. 

“Consider this like a rite of passage” Jack says his voice low but warm, as he raises his bottle towards the middle of the three brothers, a clicking sound occurring as Luke and Quinn do the same. 

Luke brings the beer to his lips, the taste of bitterness and roasted barley trickling on his taste buds. 

“Thanks guys” Luke murmurs, receiving a nod in response. 

The backyard behind them, echos with music, but in their bubble it’s just the three of them. 

After a few more sips, private words and laughs are exchanged, Luke rejoins the party, weaving through the backyard. 

***

Two hours pass by, and the party begins to slowly disperse. Luke navigates his way through the thinning crowd of people, his mind seeking a moment of solitude as the noise and energy surrounding him starts to blur. 

“Luke! A photo?” 

“Congrats again man!” 

“Can’t wait to see you play” 

The voices bounce around him, well-meaning but overwhelming. Finally he reaches the sliding doors leading to the kitchen, and slips inside to the quiet, deserted space. 

Luke, stands alone, leaning against the cool countertops, closing his eyes as he lets out a measure breath. His only company the hum of the refrigerator and his thoughts. 

The events throughout the night play like a movie inside his head, leading to the return of Chase’s question. Sadie’s image flickers behind his closed eyelids, and a smile tugs at his lips as he imagines the possibility of a future with Sadie, a future where they’re more than just friends. 

The soft padding of footsteps interrupt his thoughts as he opens his eyes to find Sadie, walking towards him, her dress swaying gently as she moves. 

“Hey” She says, her voice a calm achor in the sea of festivities 

“Hey Luke replies, the previous tension in his shoulders easing just a touch “Crazy out there huh” 

“Yeah, you’re family knows how to throw a party” she agrees, her gaze lingering on him with a platonic concern “You holding up ok?” 

“Ya just needed a breather” Luke responds with a smile 

“Me too” Sadie chuckles before leaning against the counter next to him. 

“It looks like things are starting to wind down a bit” Sadie gestures with a nod towards the now less crowded backyard. 

“Yeah” Luke agrees his eyes fixated on her “Want to crash here tonight?” Luke offers the same way he’s done so, many times before

Sadie hesitates, her eyes wandering around the kitchen. Her lips part, ready to speak, “I don’t think I can, I came with my dad” Sadie tells him 

“Gotcha” Luke nods, understanding flashing in his eyes. A figure appears near the entrance of the kitchen. It’s Sadie’s dad, David. 

Sadie and Luke move closer together, Sadie’s arm momentarily brushing against Luke’s as Sadie’s father approaches them. 

“Great party, Luke and congratulations again,” David says, offering a firm handshake, that Luke returns. 

“Thank you for coming Mr. Howe” Luke replies his tone genuine

The three engage in some polite small talk, the conversation light and familiar, as David is a good friend of Luke’s parents. 

“How are things going at the station?” Luke asks 

“They’re going well, although we have had some crazy calls about teenagers getting into some trouble, I hope you two are staying safe?” He replies 

“Of course Dad” Sadie answers 

As the conversation continues, several people make their way through the living room, making their departure from the party. 

“I think we should head home, Sadie” David says glancing between his daughter and her best friend

“Right” Sadie agrees, a small speckle of reluctance shown in her posture. 

“I’ll see you soon Sades” Luke says, his voice tingling with a hint of sadness, as the three make their way towards the entry of the home. 

“Definitely” Sadie promises her smile bittersweet as she follows her dad out the door. 

Luke returns to the kitchen, the house feeling slightly emptier. He stares at the space Sadie, previously occupied, and exhales slowly. He has time. 

***

Sadie enters her house the sound of the closing door, echoing softly behind her. She climbs the stairs, each step deliberate. Finally reaching the top she makes her way to her room, flicking te lights on, and quietly closing the door behind her. 

She begins stripping off the baby blue dress and heels, that have been torturing her feet for the last several hours, and replaces them with a pair of comfy sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt and her fluffy blue slippers. 

She stands in front of her mirror, removing each piece of jewelry, from the dainty earrings to the statement bracelet with a large S and the multiple rings. The only exception being her gold necklace with a delicate chain and a pendant bearing the words ‘one in a million’ a precious gift from her late mother, that she never takes off. 

She moves towards her desk to put her jewlery away, carefully placing each piece back in their designated spots, when a large white envelope catches her eye. 

It’s addressed to her, from Rutgers University. 

A school she has dreamed of attending since she was a little girl, her mothers school. 

Sadie’s fingers tremble as she reaches down to pick up the envelope. A few weeks ago, she applied on a whim to the school, never thinking she would actually get in. 

She moves to her bed, taking a seat on the edge and taking a deep breath, before tearing open the seal and eagerly pulling the contents out. 

She scans through the words on the paper. “I got in” she whispers 

“I GOT IN!” she repeats her voice raising loud enough to be heard through her closed door

“Sadie?” her dad asks the door still shut

Sadie practically leaps off her bed, the letter clutched tightly to her chest as she opens the door.

“Dad I got in! I got into Rutgers!” She exclaims, practically shoving the papers into her dads face. 

Her dad softly removes the papers from her hand, reading through each word. 

“You got in! Sadie I’m so proud of you” Her dad announces his tone genuine, as he wraps his daughter in a hug. 

A surge of accomplishment floods through her body, mixed with a pang of sadness. She had always dreamed of going to this college, but now all she could think about was how much her mom would have loved to see this moment. 

“Sades?” Her dad asks his voice ringing with parental concern 

“Ya sorry” She replies, shaking her head slightly

“How about I make us ice cream sundaes to celebrate?” Her dad suggests a beloved tradition made up by the two a few years back. 

“Ya that sounds good, I’ll be there in a second” Sadie says watching as her dad walks out of her room. 

Sadie takes a seat on her bed, unable to shake the feeling that something else is missing. Sadie's gaze falls to the photos displayed on her nightstand. The one of her mom and the one of Luke and her side by side. staring at her nightstand, the picture of her mom.

That’s when it hits her-Luke thinks they’re going to Michigan together.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to send me any comments or feedback! Updates will be rather slow because I have a lot of school work but the first chapter should be coming soon.

[nightfall-1409]

Oops so that was a while!

Nightfall Update ahead of the holidays! (and a push for myself to, blog again). some details under the cut but tl;dr it's been a while but im back here and trying to be back here! with new stuff! And updates to certain things too damn!

Rough year for me! Probably for many people really :(

good stuff first

uhhh biggest news is that through all the bullshit i was able to participate in the clone bang. The last 6 weeks of my life have been so stressful bc I had to write like 80% of the damn fic. It's a 125k monster of a fic that i feel quite proud of, the last 45k of it was written in literally the last two weekends. upcoming details in a promo post as soon as I hear back from my last artist <3

With that, though, my creative writing juices thoroughly uh. revitalized. to recovene followers: ezra chapter is coming soon :) that was a mean cliffhanger, i did not expect for my brain to literally commit mutiny :( sorry

I hope to have that done before bang posting starts (December baby here we come)

uhhhh only other thing is I am attending sanfrancisco expo ! lookin forward 2 that as well.

some generalized health stuff. the heat stroke i suffered last year was apparently maybe not a heat stroke (noted by the fact I was consistently worsening) and that sentence is still terrifying to me bc as i recall i couldnt fuckin read or turn around without wanting to fall over for like a month and a half there. But. whatever. It was a slow decline for a while, I was still getting some stuff out, but eventually, the amt of pain i was in overwhelmed me in june n it consumed me whole from july - august with slow improvement happening from then on.

it took me. quite a long time to see a specialist (and it was originally going to be longer! haha!) , but i've been seen. and am on treatment. and it sucks bc flashing lights still kill me (including literally shadows of the setting sun through a line of trees and a CEILING FAN are you KIDDING ME) and migraines r like. my best most toxic friend <3 it's so overrrr. We do not know what happened beyond my facial nerves just deciding to go balling insane. L. or what started that. L. But its finally getting better!! yay. we're so back.

to the ppl who've reached out 2 me / tagged me / putstuff in my inbox in ao3 or thought about me ;w; bro.. thank you !!! it killed me all the time bc it was like. I wanted to participate!! I want to have fun!! but the amt of energy things took. insane. but it was nice to be thought abt regardless. I want to be back now and have fun again. have a lovely night <3

[draco-after-dark]

Yo, 20 years was last updated in 2024/03/29 where's chapter 19😭

Yeah once spring/summer hit and I was back to working my fulltime job I just wasn't able to update things as quickly which then things got worse when I became sick sometime around June. Turns out throwing up with prolonged heartburn everyday for 3 months is bad for you. I'm better now btw but still usure of what exactly was wrong or why my body suddenly decided to explode. Doctor wasn't much help but I'm just happy to be back to normal so *shrugs* SO yeah. Just didn't have the mental or physical power to write, or draw! Not being able to draw really bummed me out cause that's what i like to do most out of the two. Writing more of a second hobby i sometimes indulge in but my learning disability can make that pretty hard by times. But good news? I technically have up to chapter 24 written from what I remember last? Just never went back through to edit things. Bad news being I'm not 100% sure when I'm going to start writing again. It's not like i haven't been thinking about Feral!JD and his story because BOY HAVE I BEEN HOLY MOLY!!! It's more so at the moment I'm not sure how i want to lay out the story from where I left off.

Originally I was going to deep dive into the Rock saga and everything that happened there but It would take place in more of a *flashback* style rather then anyone being aware of what happened other then JD himself. Even then he only remembers bits and pieces but I want his brothers (mainly Branch and Clay) To do some detective work because "family members don't suddenly sprout wings!!" "and can somehow fly!!!" Without something happening.

Lore and making stuff make sense is hard

also i live in fear of my ao3 followers. Sorry guys your scary for liking my goofy ass goblin man story. I aight never posted my writing ever and the positivity overwhelm me until i broke. I be back tho. Mostly likely when you least expect it.

Have a doodle in the meantime showcasing my fear of ao3 readers

[burningdarkfire]

blood moon (author's notes)

Putting this post on my resume as proof that I am committed to seeing things through to the fucking end. It might be 2024 now but here is a finished author's note for blood moon!!

It's been long enough that the below is more of a retrospective than what we usually think of as an author's note. Some of it dates back to two or three years ago, a lot of it doesn't. With the goal of finishing these notes, I recently reread the fic in its entirety, twice, and I still very much enjoyed it. That's all I can really ever ask of a fic, so I'm happy 💕

Writing Timeline

Blood Moon was a fascinating writing problem. I always knew it was going to be a long fic, longer than I usually wrote, and I also knew that I was bad at finishing long fics. I started writing in November 2021 with the promise to myself that even if I didn't finish it, I would eventually share whatever I had. I initially planned to upload chapters without editing because I suspected that it would bog me down in a lot of small details … and I was entirely correct! So here is the 18 month journey of the fic, in monthly word counts, from start to finish:

November 2021: 18723 

December 2021: (no work)

January 2022: 3591

February 2022: 2872 (finished the shadowgast oneshot, outlined the rest of the fic)

March 2022: 4353 (this is when i first thought "the ending was in sight" LOL)

April 2022: 3667 (i made the decision to edit/rewrite some chapters—at this point i had already written up to fjord meeting back up with the m9 after getting the third eye)

May 2022: 1163 

June 2022: 2028 (this was my initial estimate/deadline for finishing)

July 2022: (no work)

August 2022: (no work)

September 2022: 3371 (i copied over my existing work—up to fjord and astrid's conversation—and started a major edit/second draft)

October 2022: 1228 

November 2022: 2278 (posted the first chapter to ao3)

December 2022: 2144 

January 2023: 1876 (finished my second draft and sent to beta for edits)

February 2023: 126 (finished edits! left some very minor points to polish)

March 2023: 17

April 2023: (finished posting!)

Blood Moon Universe

Blood Moon is an original universe of mine that dates back to 2011. It has all the cliché vampires vs. werewolves vibes that I will shamelessly admit I have never grown out of. We didn't get to see a lot of it in the fic, but it's a very fertile, flexible environment—this is the fourth story I've set in this world, and even though they've all been vastly different from each other, the shell concepts have always served me well. Unsurprisingly, one makes original worlds that are conducive to the themes and motifs that one likes to write about.

Caleb and Fjord live in a dark age, where the last war between the vampires and werewolves decimated both populations so severely that the world is simply emptier than it used to be. Molly and Yasha raid abandoned manors, Caleb lives on ceded vamp territory where the wolves are also absent. Caduceus is alone in the Clay family home except for his temporary companions. Everyone is busy with their own survival, and there's no way for the scarce, scattered populations of the northern forests to repel the Shades on their own.

It was a big decision to write a story about two humans in this world, but Fjord and Caleb have always been underdog stories struggling with established powers. It's hard to imagine them any other way.

Canon-Related Concepts

One of my favourite arcs of Campaign 2 is the pirates arc, because the characters are asking themselves such deliciously heavy questions about their place in the world following Molly's death. I wanted to explore those facets of these characters. 

I've also always found it so interesting that Travis said Fjord would have left to find the third orb if the Wildmother hadn't come through for him. 

Caleb seeks an impossible magic for selfish aims, but he does it because he loves his parents. Fjord would make a deal with the devil for power, but he does it because he equates power with agency, and he wants the ability to protect himself and others. Caleb had a taste of that power, but it soured when he used it for the wrong reasons. Fjord is tasting it now, and can't imagine ever letting it go.

Related Works

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley 

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie

The Magicians by Lev Grossman

The initial pitch of Blood Moon explicitly referred to Caleb as a "Frankensteinien" character. Pervasive in that book is the desire for a domestic life, in which love, happiness, and security are enclosed. Frankenstein loses his mother, and then loses everything else as a consequence of the actions of his grief and uncertainty. What if Caleb's desire to undo what he did to his parents outweighed everything else?

Blood Moon borrows heavily from the magic in The Raven Tower, where one can literally speak something into existence. The idea of a world where "if you say something, it must become true, or you die trying" is extremely evocative and has stayed with me. It was a beautiful way to explore how grief can change the world.

If I can be honest here for a moment, I actually no longer remember why I have The Magicians listed as an inspiration for the fic. I started Blood Moon 3+ years ago and read The Magicians shortly afterwards, and I've since forgotten everything about that book except for what it made me feel: a despair that was hard to look in the eye.

Themes

These are phrased like high school essay questions because I couldn't think of a better way to present them. These are some of the questions that I asked myself while writing:

"With great power comes great responsibility …" Perhaps the defining question of the entire story. How is the question of duty explored in the fic? What do different characters feel responsible for and how do those responsibilities compete? How would each character answer the question "What do we owe to one another?"

Magic is intention. In this world, anybody can do magic. How is the magical presented in relation to the mundane? How much agency do the characters have? What kinds of choices do different characters make? How much does magic change their perception of the world? 

The knowing is part of the price. Caleb and Fjord are both characters who don't know who they are or don't fully understand what made them. Initially, Fjord is resistant to the idea of learning more about his teacher at all. Vulnerability, he understands, is something that can only be given when you have power. What role do alter egos and second identities and our strange other selves play in this fic?

Life and death are the greatest changes of all. Caleb is determined to bring back his parents at any cost. Fjord is determined to live at any cost. Both of our lead characters have other forces calling for their dues. How are death and grief explored in this fic? How about ideas of rebirth and change? 

I am nothing like I was. I cannot teach you; I cannot protect you. The story of Blood Moon is the story of what happens when Fjord goes looking for a teacher. In fact, many of the primary relationships in this fic are a mentorship or potential mentorship between a teacher and a student. What role does learning and teaching play in interpersonal relationships? How do different characters challenge these categories?

Home is where the heart is. The residences of several prominent magicians feature heavily in the fic as their seats of power. What role does "home" play in Caleb and Fjord's lives? How do they imagine, think of, and build their homes? What happens when someone's home is destroyed or otherwise absent? 

Return. What is Fjord's relationship with the sea?

Misc. Notes

The enduring image of the fic that still lives rent free in my head is the burning house. Caleb's childhood house goes up in flames -> Isharnai's house goes up in flames -> the manor goes up in flames, and each time the axis of the world shifts just a little bit.

If you read and enjoyed the fic, please know that you have my eternal thanks. It means a lot to me.

And of course:

[mousegard]

this june is the 4th anniversary of an eagle among lions. i should've made a post about it on june 8 but i was extremely busy moving to a new apartment and would have just as easily forgotten my own birthday

but instead of looking at how the fic began (shitposting about "mayo dimitri" in a discord chat with my beta reader @nolivar6136) i want to take a look at the last 11 chapters of this fic and the context in which they were written, and why i have always been so thankful for the enthusiastic reception eal received from my readers.

on monday, march 21, 2022, after publishing one of my favorite single chapters of the fic—desdinova's POV chapter, "the tears of god flow as I bleed" (a blue oyster cult reference, naturally)—i was abruptly let go from the marketing job i'd had since 2019 with no warning and no reason given.

i have had my suspicions as to why. the tech startup i had originally been hired by had been acquired the past year by its own sister company, and there was a growing sentiment from the original company's employees—who were increasingly becoming ex-employees—that the new company, now that it had acquired the old company's core technology and production facilities, no longer needed its people. in particular, rumor had it the higher-ups hadn't wanted anybody from the ancien regime on the company's marketing team. my old boss had already left of her own accord (i probably should have followed her; she'd been the best boss i'd ever had).

it was also likely that the company wanted to purge people who preferred remote work to in-office work. these suspicions came as a relief to me, because my termination had also come just over a week after offhandedly mentioning to the marketing team that i had a girlfriend before taking a week off to spend time with her (that's right, i was fired literally the day i came back from vacation), and the timing had felt suspicious. turns out my new boss wasn't homophobic, just an incompetent asshole working for other incompetent assholes!

but i digress. it had been my first time being let go from a job and my first time being unemployed, and i would continue being unemployed until august 2022. i don't need to tell you how awful being unemployed was. we all know how awful being unemployed is and how traumatic being fired from a job you love can be. the only bright side was that i had more time to write than ever before, and that was how i dragged an eagle among lions across the finish line. i wrote like it was my part-time job. i wrote like the comments from my readers could pay my rent, because telling this story to my readers and seeing them react to every crazy twist and turn the story took in its final act sustained my soul.

eal had an extraordinary cohort of regular commenters who would comment on every chapter, or almost every chapter, which is an exceptional rarity for fics on ao3. every chapter had some of the liveliest comments sections i've ever seen. the joy that came from sharing the story with such a responsive community was what gave me the strength to keep going. if i'd just been shouting out the story to a void, my motivation would have likely died out. i might not have ever managed to bring the story to a conclusion.

i think i've talked about how much i loved eal's commenters before, but i haven't shared the exact circumstances of eal's final arc and the specific way these enthusiastic readers and commenters made the most unbearable four months of my life tolerable. when i'd lost a sense of purpose in my life, they helped me hold onto one. they made this story feel worth telling. they made me feel as though it was worth it to do my best and drive the story to its best possible conclusion when hardly anything else in the world felt "worth" doing. when resume after resume vanished into the void and potential employers ghosted after one, two, or even three interviews, eal's commenters made it so that at least my magnum opus didn't feel like wasted effort, even when every single interview and job application did. when you're unemployed, your life feels meaningless. eal's readers made me feel like a rockstar.

even two years later, i'm still so happy and grateful to have met so many wonderful people through eal's comments sections.

thanks, everyone. i really appreciated it.

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

4 years, 40 facts about me loving napo... let's go 🏃🏻‍♀️

...or as @leonscape called it, 40 "Mopoleon" facts?! (picrew link)

the date of our "anniversary", June 19th, is one day after the date of the battle of Waterloo 💀

both our given names are of Italian origin

we're both leo zodiac signs

our birthdays are 8 days apart, in the same month

he's my first otome route ever played

i've only played his route once, in July 2019

i've never seen his dramatic ending

my first impression of him on a teaser tweet of ikevamp EN was that he looks like an asshole, and I didn't like his looks either...

my falling for him was utterly illogical as despite these thoughts I put him on my phone wallpaper a few days later (still before the release of ikevamp EN)

as of right now ao3 says he appears in 59 of my posted works: the total number of fics I have published with him is higher as a few of those are stand-alones in a multichapter fic (napoleon bday prompts 2019 +9, yumeweek 2020 +5, mini requests +4, headcanons +11 ) ...he appears in about 1/3 of all my fics!

we share a hobby of reading biographies! the official ikevamp character sheets state it as his hobby

our height difference is 18 cm

the @xxsycamore blog exists solely because of him, as well as my passion for writing - I started this blog because I wanted to express my love in some kind of creative way, as previously (and for the longest time) I thought my medium would be art instead of writing

despite that, my first ever posted fic is not with him but with Arthur!

I've always loved languages but he had influence over my choice of learning especially french in uni. It's hell but I don't regret it at all

I have a playlist with sleepy-themed songs for him 🥺

birds are my favorite animals (any kind) and he has a pet eagle!!

our mbti personality types are a so-called perfect match! infp + enfj

I don't like black-haired, blue-eyed men because of him, it was my type before him too! (not many such ikemens around but I have a handful of faves like that from other media)

as the fictional napoleon bonaparte is light years away from the historical figure, I thought I wouldn't be interested in learning about him - until I ended up reading multiple books on him, the thickest of which 680 pages... while I don't mix the two in my head, the napoleonic era history (+ russian empire history) is still pretty cool to know imo!

there's hardly any writer around here who hasn't received a napoleon request from me at least once... I'm so sorry...

it is implied in the game that napo has kissed boys (they were taking turns waking him up and they all know of his habit......) which gives me enough reason to headcanon him as bi....like me 🥺

I really suck at completing the bday creation challenges I host for him, as last year I did 0 prompts and the year before that 2....but in 2019 I did 10!

I love making bday gifts. I love birthdays. I don't have the exact number but last year a lot of characters received a bday fic from me but not napo 💀 partly because I was shadowbanned back then!

the only real tradition I have when it comes to his bday is to make homemade crepes since it's his favorite food! but my favorite part is eating them...

I still haven't watched the movie "Napoleon & Me"...

I don't have much napo merch, but I do have the Naplushieon doll which is plenty

I was still in highschool (11th grade) when I fell for him 🥺🥺🥺 it feels like ages ago

I love the song written for the ikevamp stage play and sung by his voice actor Nobunaga Shimazaki, "Lucida", so much you can even find it and play it on my blog... recently some kind soul uploaded the whole version on youtube (I've been waiting for so long....) and I haven't been the same since

my dream napo merch is the clothes hanger with his neck and face so that I can hang my silly little sundresses on him (I'm going to make it on my own actually, just watch)

after having so many random fic ideas for him that will never see the light of day, I accepted the facts at last and now I feel so much better and more chill

I'm currently working on fanart series where I try to post one tablet-drawn art of him every month... I have trouble keeping them simple as desired sometimes but I'm having lots of fun while learning (I still consider myself fairly new to drawing with my tablet)

once I wrote a death anniversary fic for napo!

the best napo song i've discovered so far is Wings by Su!YoON!

I don't know. anything. about his sequel. i just know the cgs. not that is hard to avoid spoilers LMAO

my most favorite napo cg is the 5th bday one (where they're in a field of roses) (it was on my phone's background for a very long time)

my most favorite napo card...that's a trick question but I think the one that is on the left banner in my blog (desktop view)

yes, yes I do want to go to Corsica one day what about it. I have a lot of other dream trip destinations too!

yes, I do love Napoleon cake (It's a russian recipe) (it was my bday cake in 2020)... but so do I love a whole lot of other cakes...!

Fact number 40 is that I love Napoleon a normal amount 😇 nono listen!! I do talk a lot about him, and here I tried compilating facts that are not too cheesy: believe it or not there are days I don't think about him, ok! I never pressure myself to get all the event bonus stories, or to always have a fic ready for him... in a world where im a worrywart about anything and everything, he's my safe place? my chill place? And if I begin to think about the gigantic mass of things surrounding him that are exactly aligning with what I love, with what comforts me, with what traits im looking for in a person, i'm going to get dizzy. So let's end this here with me saying, ily so much Napoleon 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 im such a nunuche sometimes but im your nunuche ‼️‼️

[therentyoupay]

Hi, I was just wondering if technical difficulties is abandoned?

I hope you’re doing well!

*drops in after 5 years and 4 months with a technical difficulties chapter update*

*disappears*

cover art made by @angel-gidget ♡

03/08/23. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, ALL, LONG LONG LONG TIME, NO SEE. ♡ Can you believe it? When I first published this story (first to tumblr, then to ao3), I had just moved to Japan! When I posted ch. 7, I was still living in Japan, and would stay there for another 7ish months... and in the 5 years and 4 months since posting the last chapter, I have moved to three different cities in the United States and started a Ph.D. program. (I am currently halfway through my PhD program!!!!!) What a wild ride. Also, we lived through the pandemic?! And I bought a house! Over the summer! The market was vicious.

So, then how did I get the inspiration/time/energy/motivation to write Ch. 8, you ask? Marvelous question. I lied down in bed last night to go to sleep "early" and ended up reading an utterly hilarious play-by-play commentary on Bad Books, Good Times of a popular fantasy novel series—and I'm not quite sure what it was about "poorly written books explained by hilariously clever book lovers" but I suddenly had a craving for fanfiction, so I opened up my Books app on my phone, and my eyes fell upon a sudden recommendation for my downloaded copy of technical difficulties. And I thought, "Am I suddenly and weirdly in the mood to jot down some notes to start Ch. 7 right now? By golly, I think I am."

4.5 hours later, I'd written the whole damn thing from scratch on my phone in my Notes app. (Messily! Half-assed! But I wrote all of it down!) I then spent another 6.5 hours today filling in the gaps and "editing." This chapter (and the one that will follow it) has been in my head for more than half a decade, but I just haven't had the space to get it out until now!!

I think one of the most beautiful parts of getting a PhD is how completely it blows your perfectionism tendencies utterly to bits, and one of the really interesting byproducts that has come up in my acdemic writing is just how quickly I can crank out decent-enough writing (skill-building!!). In my case, I think so much of it has to do with just being able to word vomit fairly well while not trying to fix anything until the whole damn thing is basically done. So, I applied that knowledge here! Behold!

This isn't to say that I'll be writing the final chapter anytime soon—I may be on spring break right now and may have had a stroke of Writing Inspiration in the Wild™ last night, but I'm still finishing my last semester of classes and learning advanced Python and working on my milestone paper for my doctoral program and preparing to present at my next conference in June and preparing my proposal for my dissertation next fall. BUT! The important thing is that I will post the last chapter of this story (and all my other stories)! Eventually!! ;)

No BETA for this chapter because I gotta THROW this out onto the internet and get back to coding, so bear with! I may do minor edits for it in the near or distant future. Also, please note that I have not watched any episodes of Miraculous Ladybug after the finale of Season 1, so this fic is very much a ~time capsule~ from the past. If there is any additional lore that might otherwise apply to the plot of this fic, please know that I don't know about it, and I am keeping myself selectively ignorant on all matters of Miraculous Ladybug season 2 and beyond until after I finish this story the way I originally intended. ♡ Woo!

as for, tumblr, sadly, to be honest, I'm never really online anymore! I'll respond to comments here on ao3 ASAP, though. ♡ LOVE YOU ALL, THANK YOU. ♡♡♡

[seasonal-writes]

2023 Writing Round-Up

Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you’re most excited about. my beloved mutual @canarydarity tagged me in this. thank you for the tag, worm! this was really fun :D p.s. almost every fic in here is team rancher. and almost all of it is shipping. so i am not going to make my bias so obvious by labeling them, i will simply make not of the ONE that is not team rancher. i'm mentally unwell about them and the bias has not gone away. so just a fair warning. &lt;3

January

"bruised / cuts" // 1,347 words "small / cuts" // 1,897 words

'jimmy and tango are in love and clumsy, usually resulting in minor injuries. these are their stories.

dUN DUN-' "19% touch starved and 91% in denial" // 2,551 words

'a short fic in which jimmy is touch-starved, and his new soulmate, tango, is the furthest thing from it.' "old heartbeats die hard" // scarian // 1,413 words

'Did you know that listening to someone’s heartbeat can have a calming effect on your own heart and breathing pattern? Grian knows this. And he knows it’s working right now, even if it’s not enough to lull him to sleep quite yet. Though, there is still relief in knowing that one is still thumping away in Scar’s chest. Its pace is still fresh and lively and steady, just how he likes it— even if he’d never say something like that out loud.' "When Fate Finds Golden Rings" (ongoing, originally published in late january) // 65,044 words as of the last current update in mid-july.

'Being a prince comes with many things. Reputation, politics..even war, if one isn't careful.

When the Kingdom of the Overworld's alliance with the Nether grows tense, there is only one way to repair it, and it lies within the hands of two princes—arranged to be married to end a fight that simmers hot between the two planes.

But when Heir-to-the-throne Tango would rather stay at odds than follow through, and the the youngest Prince Jimmy finds no way for a wedding to solve anything, how can they bite back their gripe and fulfill their responsibilities?

How do you fight a destiny that's forged in gold? (or, a Ranchers Royalty AU. Take two.)'

February

"i ain't ever liked sweets (till you sugar-coated my teeth)" // 2,556 words

'a short, fluffy, plotless valentine's day rancher duo one-shot! :D'

March - June

these few months, i worked on personal projects and was in the thick of Golden Rings updates. so, nothing too exciting!

July

"how do you talk to a star?" // 1,285 words 'jimmy is in love with tango. he does not plan on telling him.' also, the last update i did on golden rings. maybe someday i'll get back to it, akfdjs

August - December

more personal projects! i had a few new AUs i never quite debuted that i created and cultivated with friends, wrote a little for them--but they weren't really enough to post, so. and that's all for the year! i appreciate everyone who's stuck around this long, even with my inactivity the past few months. i am hoping that with the new year, there will come new motivation to get back into it. posting all my little stories and ideas have both helped me realize i really am beyond in love with writing, AND i made lots of new friends along the way. :D been a pretty cool time! no pressure tag: @hitheeprithee! let me see your words, boy. thanks for reading, as always. :) <3 till next time.

[romaine2424]

Daily Blog July 2, 2023

So I'm mad at my beta! We were chatting back and forth on Discord originally about my WIP fic I'm writing. Yes, the one were I wrote the first 7 chapters back in 2007 before HPDH was released. Anyway, the fic will have 4 parts, and part 1 is the original. I asked her to beta the older chapters so they would be ready to go. Ummmm, she mentioned the whole premise of the fic, was making her anxious. So I stopped her from doing anymore and said no worries. Betaing should not cause stress. Okay we'll get back to me needing a beta at the end of the blog today.

But this is not why I'm mad at her. No.... she mentioned she's writing for @hd-fan-fair this year and did I take a look at the prompts. I said absolutely not because I always get sucked in. So we chatted some more and she said oh just take a look and tell me which one you would write for if you were participating this year.

You see where this is going don't you... Since my muse is on fire these days. I spotted a prompt and boom, full shorter story popped into my head. The final lines and everything. So, yes, I've joined the fest and I blame my beta! Actually, I love @myaulophobia dearly.

What I'm reading:

Yesterday I said I would be reading the first posted story for @hd-wireless. Um, that will be tonight. Because I was just taking a look at my Tumblr feed when @drarryspecificrecs posted the longest Drarry fics for June. Bam! So I read Tandem (92K) by fast-brother (AO3). Who is also another NEW author. OMG where are they coming from? We are so blessed in Drarry. This story, this story I read until I fell asleep last night and woke up early on this Sunday morning to finish it.

Here's the summary: Harry and Draco meet by accident six years after the war. Harry's an Auror with a drinking problem and Draco's a broke student. Things don't work out well. Six years after that, Draco joins the British Auror Office as a Potioneer.

Here's a little more from me: Draco was sentenced to 15 years probation of No Magic and all vaults and Manor confiscated. Lucius and Narcissa were sentenced to Azkaban. The Ministry was a mess during the trials and the Ministry is still in a mess. Ron is Head Auror (love this!) and Harry is also a mess. Great Auror, but drinks too much, has sex too much, and works to hard to push down those hard to deal with feelings.

The story is written from alternating POV, which is quite nice and helpful in understanding the place where both of them are coming from...not a good place originally. The story starts with the meeting after the first 6 years, which is rough. Then Draco moves on, marries, and makes something of his life as Potioneer in France. However, he has no magic so he's learned to do things for himself instead of relying on others' magic to help him. Draco is hired with insistence of one Ron Weasley to come back and work for the Aurors as their UK DMLE Potioneer. Then sparks start to fly...

This fic has one of the best relationships between Ron and Draco that I've read. Hermione too, but mainly R & D. They all love Harry, but...... And Harry, oh I love this Harry despite his being an arse in so much of it. However, he has his story and his telling of what happened in the Forest is unforgettable. And you, too, will fall back in love with our Harry.

There are so many scenes that are memorable but I'm not going to say anymore. You need to read this fic and give one of our New Drarry authors love.

Tandem on AO3

Rom needs Beta Help!

Let me state up front that I do have an Alpha, the wonderous and amazing @m0srael. What I'm looking for is a strong SPAG beta and if you can spot inconsistencies and/or canon issues, even better. I'm an engineer by trade and cannot tell you the last time I took an English/grammar class. I'm terrible with my commas! As my beta was also my Britpicker... I might need one of those later on.

Here's the link to The Azkaban Letters so you can read all of the pairings and warnings. Yes, it is a Drarry fic but.... The prologue is also available to read. The fic, I think will come in at about 200K. I have 90K written. It's broken down into 4 parts and Part 2 will be the longest.

I'd list more but no need to bore most of you. So if interested take a look at the link and prologue. If that doesn't scare you and are interested, you can DM me here on Tumblr.

Thanks for this personal indulgence!

Rom

[pebblysand]

[LET'S TALK WRITING] - FANFICTION STATS - UPDATE

Hello, hello! I hope you’re all doing well. 

As you may have seen, I recently (by which I mean, months ago lol, time flies) received this anon as part of a truth or dare tag game daring me to share my AO3 stats. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might remember that I already posted a detailed analysis of my fanfiction stats back in January 2023 (which you can read in full here). However, I thought this anon would be a great opportunity to revisit that post, review my stats again over 18 months later, and see what has changed.

General disclaimer: All the disclaimers from my original post still apply (I’m not an expert, avoid this if stats aren’t your thing, I’m very fortunate, my methodology isn’t perfect, etc.). I won’t be repeating much of the previous analysis but will focus on the changes over the past 18 months. I recommend reading both posts together for the full picture.

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GENERAL OVERVIEW

As of the day of writing, 29 June 2024, here are my general stats as they are made available to me by AO3. I am including the same screenshot dated 25 January 2023 (from my old post) for comparison.

So, what can we see? 

I wrote 183,191 words in 18 months, which is terrifying. Per Nano standards, that’s three novels and a bit. 

Last year, I’d commented on my subscriber count being relatively “low” - that’s still the case. I think the reasons I speculated about last year remain valid, and I still find the smaller number somewhat reassuring.

I’ve gained a pretty sizeable chunk everywhere, so thank you all, haha, that’s thanks to you. 

As of the day of writing, 25 January 2022, here are my general stats as they are made available to me by FFN. I am including the same screenshot dated 25 January 2023 (from my old post) for comparison. 

As most of you know, I don’t really use FFN much anymore, so it's not surprising that the numbers there are quite low. The only thing I still update on FFN is castles, which still gets some readership.

There's a historical difference between my FFN and AO3 catalogues. When I transitioned to AO3 in 2013/2014, I only moved content I deemed "worth" transferring. So, there's work on FFN that isn't on AO3. Similarly, I now post all my one-shots exclusively on AO3. This explains some of the discrepancies you'll see later between the two platforms.

Interestingly, my AO3 word count has finally surpassed my FFN word count, and this is even before posting chapter 22 of castles on FFN (ugh, this is on my to-do list for this week, I swear). So, yay! I’m officially more of an AO3 girlie.

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GETTING THE FFN STATS OUT OF THE WAY

I think we can all agree that AO3 has now surpassed FFN as a website (though I do have issues with AO3, I won’t lie), so I will focus most of this post on AO3 stats and beyond. However, I will say that as a platform, FFN provides authors with much better statistics than AO3 does. That is because they’ve fallen into a capitalist hellscape and probably sell all of our data to advertisers but … you know. As such, while I don’t want to spend too much time on these, I still think there are a few things we can learn. 

I will go into my top fics on FFN v. top fics on AO3 and why I think they differ in a later section. But at this point, I’d like to focus on two things: 

The Country Breakdown:

To me, this remains the most interesting feature on FFN, that you don’t get on AO3. Unfortunately, it only gives you this information on a monthly basis (you can’t aggregate the top countries of all time), so the below includes last year's screenshot (January 2023) and this year's (June 2024). Both were taken at the end of the month, so I reckon they're relatively representative.

(views are blue, visitors are yellow. for an explanation on the difference between views and visitors, see here. this is cumulative of all fics i have published, but ffn gives you the ability to break it down per fic if you’d like)

Thoughts: The first thing that stands out to me is that my overall view count on FFN has plummeted over the past 18 months. Initially, I thought this might be due to a general decline in FFN's usage, but when I look back at my February 2024 stats, they match what I saw in January 2023. This suggests the decline is more likely due to my not posting castles for four months, rather than anything else.

All the other conclusions I drew in my old post still hold true.

Interestingly, the top five countries for my readership almost perfectly align with our top countries for the podcast. This correlation makes me think AO3 stats (if available) would show a similar pattern. It raises the question of which drives which: are the podcast stats like this because of my fanfic audience demographics, or is my audience shaped by the podcast's reach? Or, is it that just generally, English speaking countries are more likely to consume English-language media and/or be in fandom? It's an intriguing chicken-and-egg scenario.

The Chapter by Chapter Breakdown:

i am selecting here January 2023 and March 2024. March is the last month where I posted on FFN, so it's more interesting to study that one.

Let me know if you spot anything else in these screenshots, but here’s what stands out to me:

The numbers are generally eerily similar

Drop-off after Chapter 3: There seems to be a more noticeable drop-off in readership after Chapter 3 compared to previous data. This makes sense because that’s when Hinny break up, so hardcore shippers might rage-quit at that point. However, after Chapter 3, the decline isn’t as steep, indicating that if people stick around past that point, they’re generally committed for the full ride.

Uptick in Latest Chapters: In both cases, there’s an increase in readership for the latest chapters. This could be due to FFN update notifications, which have been unreliable. It’s possible that people are finally receiving emails and catching up on the last 2-3 chapters they missed. But this is just a hypothesis.

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MOVING ON TO AO3

Unlike last year, I’m going to stick to HP here, because I don’t think anyone cares about my stats in other fandoms, but please let me know if you’d like a detailed breakdown of that as well. Also, I'll just repeat that this acknowledgement still stands.

I think the only thing really notable here is that in 18 months, almost everything on castles has more or less doubled, if not more. I'll write more about that below, but I don't necessarily think this means my audience has doubled.

Regarding the kudos/hits extension, I wrote this last year:

My hits/kudos ratio was a lot worse on non-HP fandoms, which is still the case. When it comes to the second point, this also seems to still be the case, with a couple of things to note:

the rare firing of wild cannons is still an outlier. I think for the same reasons exposed above.

ce ne sont que des cailloux has "finally" come down to that 8-11% range all my other one shots seem to be in. I'm not sure how to explain it. As you'll see below, it hasn't gained/lost that much more traffic/kudos this year compared to previous ones, so I really don't know.

As I'd predicted, louisville is now also in that range.

vicious as roman rule has seen a dramatic drop. I wonder if this is because it was posted at the end of 2022, so relatively close to my first post, and was the thus artificially high? I think this is a fic that is very linked to castles (although it can be read as a standalone) and it's also a bit unusual (written in future tense) so maybe that's why people don't "like" it? we only said goodbye with words seems to be the only other fic in that range, and that one is also very linked to castles. It could be the result of people clicking in, realising they haven't read the wider story and don't understand much, and clicking out.

Regarding "secret" bookmarks:

Bookmarks on AO3 are a way to "save" fics on your profile. People use this feature in various ways:

Tracking Reads: Some use bookmarks to track all the fics they’ve read.

Recommendation Lists: Others use bookmarks to build recommendation lists with varying levels of detail. For example, some treat bookmarks like Goodreads reviews, adding comments such as "2/5 fic, do not recommend," while others might simply tag the fics or note why they liked them.

Additionally, AO3 allows users to "secretly" bookmark fics. These private bookmarks are only visible to the user who created them and do not appear on their public bookmark list. I personally use private bookmarks as a TBR list for fics I plan to read but am not ready to recommend yet.

As an author, you can see the total count of both private and public bookmarks (though you can’t read/know who left the private ones). This is why, for instance, my public bookmark count on castles is 279, while the combined private and public count is 417.

From my observations, about 40% of all bookmarks on fics are private. This holds true even for castles. I know that for long works, lots of people assume that the "secret" bookmarks are people bookmarking "TBR when finished" but the numbers seem to suggest otherwise. Castles does not have a disproportionately high number of private bookmarks compared to my other fics. It seems that private bookmarks are in fact just generally used as TBRs (long works or not) or by people who prefer to leave more "honest" personal reviews without the author seeing them, which is perfectly fair.

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MY TOP FICS, AND WHAT THEY CAN TEACH US

Top 5 FFN (by favourites):

This is last year’s screenshot. For this year, you’re going to have to take my word for it because the filter no longer works (thanks ffnet lol). 

As of 29 June 2024, the top includes the same fics, but in a different order: (1) Castles, (2) Cannonballs, (3) Slipped, (4) The Things That Will Likes, (5) Before. 

It's interesting to me that slipped has come up two places and I've only had one extra review for it in the past 18 months.

Top 5 AO3 (by kudos):

Interestingly, no changes in the top 5 between January 2023 and now, bar from the fact that the gap between castles has widened. 

Thoughts: I was re-reading my thoughts from last year, I’m just going to copy and paste here because everything more or less tracks. 

Slipped is now on par on both sites but I think everything else tracks.

A couple things to note: 

Interestingly, while it has a similar number of hits (21.5k on AO3 and 20.4k on FFN), castles does a lot better on AO3 than on FFN (...)

In the past 18 months, the difference between hits on AO3 and FFN has widened. I’m now close to 50,000 hits on AO3, but am only at 33,000 views on FFN. I do think this shows an overall decline in usage of FFN as a platform. 

However, I did find out something recently, that is sort of worth noting. I’m not sure what you make of it but if you search for: Harry/Ginny, canon compliant, post-war fics excluding fluff (if you’ve read castles, this selection will make sense), castles is the 4th most kudo-ed fic in the list. If you search for all of these, minus the Hinny pairing, it is on the second page (so’s the wolf’s just a puppy). That is including finished, and unfinished works, which is wild.

Castles is now respectively 3rd and 15th in these searches (so on the first page for both), which is even wilder to me. On the second search, I’m on the same page as a fic by senlinyu!! lmao. 

I'm not addressing anything else I said aside from the fact that as I'm now approaching 50,000 hits, those numbers are even more mental.

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NOW, ONTO THE HOMEMADE GOOGLE SHEET

(for more details on how it is created, see here - scroll down to the same section. having said that, do note that this is all based on kudos. i do not get notifications for bookmarks, subs, etc. so that would be much more difficult to track. thus, for the purposes of these graphs, i'm only relying on kudos to know if my fics are doing "well" or not. i, of course, get a lot of joy from comments and they are what i most cherish, but my email notifications are turned off on those, for reasons that i can explain if you are curious (if so, just send me an ask). as such, i can't track them as easily. also i’m more interested in the content of my comments than in their number. kudos are a good general indicator, though very imperfect.)

AVAILABLE GRAPHS AND THOUGHTS

1. CONSISTENTLY, CASTLES ACCOUNTS FOR ABOUT A THIRD OF HOW PEOPLE FIND ME

[the methodology is explained in more detail in the original post but for the purposes of this: "new" readers means all total kudos left that year, minus guest kudos and "repeat" kudos (i.e. people who have already kudoed at least one of my other fics in the past)]

This is so interesting given it’s the opposite conclusion from the one I’d drawn in 2023 (see here). It turns out that 2022 was an outlier. Having said that, I do think it’s interesting to note that since January 2023, I’ve not posted any major other fics that were not castles. I’ve posted some smaller one shots but generally speaking, my last major one-shot was probably louisville. so, this may be why castles is still accounting for this many first kudos. It will be interesting to see what these graphs look like next year, when I’m no longer posting new chapters. 

2. DO PEOPLE REALLY FIND YOU OFF THE FRONT PAGE?

That was the conclusion I’d drawn last year, but looking at 2023, I’m now not too sure. For the record, I posted castles in May, July, October and November. I also posted smaller one shots in January, July and August. The assumption there is that if people find you off the front page, then you should get an influx of new reader kudos when you post.

It's evident that the months I posted new content had higher engagement than the months I didn’t. However, the spike in November is particularly striking. The only explanation I can find is that I posted chapter 19 of castles in November (a.k.a the 9/11/"barn" chapter). This chapter had the highest engagement by far, possibly tied with chapter 22 based on my current inbox feedback, but we'll see how that pans out.

The way I'm interpreting this is that in the wake of 19 being so well-received, people who had been reading castles silently for a while finally left kudos for the first time, counting as "new" readers, even though they technically weren't. So, maybe, the new conclusion to draw here is that angst serves me? I know that fluff does better in the Hinny fandom overall but my readers probably follow me for the angst and so when a particularly angsty chapter comes out, they’re more excited about it and kudo more? Again, I’m just guessing. 

3. FICS STABILISE AFTER THE FIRST YEAR

It's fascinating to observe this trend over the span of four years. Looking at my flagship one-shots like slipped, the wolf, the fault, watch and lousville, a recurring pattern emerges: each initially garners a significant portion of kudos in its first year (typically 12% or more), then stabilises to 7-10% in subsequent years. I'm particularly curious to see if castles will follow a similar trajectory after it's completed.

[total number of kudos per fic, all kudos included]

Also, building on last year's third observation (“bad fics don’t do well, regardless of how shippy or fluffy they are”), I think what’s interesting to me here is that the opposite is true: fics like louisville (Harry/OC) and the fault (Deamus) which have very unpopular ships still do extremely well on their own and seem to attract readers. This is however not a phenomenon you see with my oldest non-hinny fic ce ne sont que des cailloux (Bill/Fleur). The way I explain this is two-fold:

I think the French title might hurt ce ne sont que des cailloux. Maybe casual readers think it’s in French? 

ce ne sont que des cailloux is the first non-hinny fic I posted, and it was also posted in January 2021, at a time where my readership was very limited compared to now. This goes to my earlier point about readership. Now that I have one, I reckon that if I re-posted ce ne sont que des cailloux, it would get a lot more kudos from my followers. At the time, I was relatively new in fandom, and thus no one read that fic. It never ended on rec lists, etc., and to this day, is still hindered by this initial slower start.

Having said that, generally speaking, I still think the fics that are doing the best are my best ones. I think audiences are (generally) right (at least on my level). There are definitely fics where I don't really understand why they're doing so well. I talk about watch below. spring rolls is another one that I find a bit meh and where I'm not sure why it's holding 8% of the pie. But there aren't any fics where I'm majorly like "ugh, I wish this was getting more attention." Apart from ce ne sont que des cailloux, maybe.

4. DO LONG FICS REALLY ATTRACT A LOT OF GUESTS?

That was my conclusion based on 2022 numbers, showing a massive discrepancy between the number of guests+repeat kudos and the number of new kudos in castles. However, this seems to be another case of 2022 being an outlier. If you look at the figures for 2023, that is no longer the case.

However, I do think it’s interesting that the fault in faulty manufacturing still seems to be a fic that brings me a lot of new readers, compared to the total of kudos it brings me. All the other fics seem somewhat similar, bar from the fault that has a two point difference. I wonder if this is because part of the drive for this fic is the slash end of the fandom which may find me from this particular fic because it’s my only slash one? 

5. DOES SHIP MATTER? 

I think the one conclusion I’m drawing, looking at these pie charts year on year, is that yes, ship matters… to a point. I think when you look at one-shots like slipped and the wolf (and, to an extent, watch), as well as castles, they have undeniably greatly contributed to my relative popularity. Lots of people found me because they ship Hinny, and I write Hinny, simple as that. And following, I also think that if wrote an even more popular ship (say: Dramione or Drarry), my kudo counts would certainly be higher.

Having said that, the reason I’m saying it only matters to a point is that what I’m seeing with more recent non-Hinny work (the fault and louisville) is that these get read regardless. Why? Humbly, because I think people like my writing and are willing to branch out of their favourite ship to read my other works. The more pre-existing readership you have, the less the ship you’re writing matters. If someone like senlinyu or MissKingBean69 were to write Bill/Fleur, with the pre-built audience they already have, I would venture that would become the most popular Bill/Fleur fic in fandom in no time.

Lastly, I think one interesting thing I’m noticing for 2024 is that for the first time ever, the wolf (which has been my flagship Hinny one-shot since it was first posted) is doing “worse” than slipped and other non-Hinny one-shots. I find this very interesting given that the wolf was such a driver for so long. I wonder if this is because the fic has generally reached everyone it was meant to reach and is now plateau-ing, or if it’s something else? I’m interested to see what this is going to look like for the rest of 2024. 

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LASTLY, SOME NEW GRAPHS

GENERAL GROWTH

These graph tracks my general kudo growth, all fics included, between January 2021 and May 2024. The second one is aggregate.

As you can see on the first graph, you can pretty much track when I posted and when I didn’t, following the line up and down. My three biggest peaks were: May/June 2021 (which I already addressed here), August 2023 and November 2023. 

August 2023 is a mystery to me. I didn’t post castles. The only thing I did post was spring rolls, which is a tiny 800-word fic that I genuinely don’t think should be this popular lol. Is it simply because over the summer, people have more time to read? 

November 2023, was chapter 19 of castles, which, again, did incredibly well. It interestingly doesn’t even compare to the peak I got in February 2024 where I posted two chapters of castles, and still didn’t get anywhere close. So, again, angst drives my readership. 

What I think is interesting on the second graph is that we’re pretty much in a straight line here. Caveating that this starts at zero because that’s when I started tracking, it’s not actually when I started posting so I had pre-existing kudos. But yeah, it took me 16 months to hit my first 1,000 kudos, then 14 months to hit 2,000+ and presumably another 12/13 months to hit 3,000.

CASTLES GROWTH

Interestingly, per this graph, the growth of castles is also steady overall. It’s not as steady as the general one but I typically tend to hit 200 kudos every 10/11 months. I will say that if you look closely, you’ll notice that in the last year (May 2023 to May 2024), the growth is a little bit steeper at times, but did flatten towards the end (Feb to June 2024 - when I didn’t post) which means that generally, we’re only at +266 kudos. That’s still more than 200, but not that much more. 

I think what’s interesting is that this doesn’t seem to track with my overall, anecdotal impression of my readership, which I feel has been constant in terms of numbers since 2021, if not declining a little. I generally feel I’m getting less interactions with readers since, I would say, the summer of 2022. So I think what this shows isn’t that my readership is growing, it’s that it’s perpetually replacing itself. My sense is that people will typically read up to the most recent chapter, stay involved with the fic for maybe six months to a year, then drop off, and be replaced by new readers. I don’t think this is bad, I think it’s the natural laws of fandom. I also think there was an abnormal spike in engagement around the pandemic where people had nothing to do but go online and read fic. As a writer, it can be hard not to attribute people dropping off to your own failings (my writing quality has decreased, my chapters are too long - whatever it may be), when in fact, the turnover is generally pretty consistent. 

When comparing the lines of overall kudos, I think this confirms that generally speaking, castles is the main driver of my kudo influx.

Bar a few exceptions, the two track. It’s clearly not the only driver because there is a pretty sizeable difference between line levels, but it is the main one. This is especially clear since October 2023, which is a period of time in which I’ve not been posting anything else. 

OTHER TOP 5 FIC GROWTH

Regarding the wolf (above), this confirms what I was saying previously: this fic is currently flatlining hard. It took me: two months to hit 100 kudos, seven months to hit 200, eight months to hit 300, and thirteen months to hit 400. I’m not upset by it, I feel like this fic has done its time and it’s probably past its prime (lol) but that’s interesting. It used to be so popular and my main driver of kudos aside from castles, and it’s definitely not anymore.

In terms of the other fics, you're going to have to believe my word because tumblr is preventing me from adding more screenshots to this post (sigh) but the trend is the same, though the flatlining is less pronounced.

When it comes to slipped, like the wolf, it also seems to be growing slower since the end of 2022, albeit less dramatically. It took five months to hit 100 kudos, twelve months to hit 200, and eighteen months to hit 300. I’ve always thought the difference in popularity between slipped and the wolf (which were more or less posted at the same time) was down to the wolf being posted as part of a fest, which wasn’t the case for slipped. But it could also be that the wolf is just a better written fic (in my opinion, at least). The fault follows a similar trend, on a different scale. It took me six months to get 100 kudos, then eighteen months to get to 200.

Interestingly, watch, however, seems to have had a steady-ish growth since its six months anniversary. The flatlining is less pronounced than for the others. I’m honestly not sure why. It’s a fic that I never in a million years expected to be in the top five, I was very surprised it did well at all. I like the style of it but it’s very much what in the TV-show fanfic realm we’d call an “episode tag”, meaning a short fic that explores a scene from a different angle/POV. I don’t think it really brings anything new to canon, and I don’t think it’s particularly novel. I’d be curious to see if it stays in the top five in the long run to be honest.

When comparing the lines of overall kudos to each of the individual fics (again, trust my word), they don't seem to correlate as much as castles does. Bar from watch, they all caused a spike at the time of publication, but then each have tiny odd peaks that don't reflect in the overall graph. They also don't really have other big peaks, just sort of hover between 5 and 15 kudos/month throughout. I would assume that whilst the numbers may be different, this is probably the same trend you see in most finished long fics.

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CONCLUSION

I can't believe you got to the end of this. Please let me know if you found it interesting/have questions!

[sorakazeno]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Nominated by @iwrestledavongonce

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2 Full stories and 14 shorts for writing events for a total of 16.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

765,503 but it is going to go up around 15,000 tomorrow with a new chapter ^_^

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Sailor Moon. In the past I also wrote Slayers, Gundam Wing, and Power Rangers. Started a Inu Yasha one but I'm not sure what happened to the first chapter and meh. I don't even remember what it was going to be about.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Chaos Theory

Rebirth

Let Them Wait

Our Last Night

Dating a Teen Idol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love interacting with readers. I have made some truly wonderful friendships this way.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Is This the End? Is currently posted. I am currently working on Act 71 of Chaos Theory.... the act where Seiya and Usagi have a really nasty fight. That one will win out when it is posted at the end of June.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Runaway Date. I had so much fun writing a short silly fic featuring Minako and Yaten.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes. The story is tagged Mamoru/Usagi and Usagi/Seiya. Some of the MamoUsa die hard shippers are umm.... passionate about their ship and will not accept anything else. If a story features both typically one will win out. Then there are the random ones on FF.net.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. I have a hard enough time trying to writing any scene that is remotely steamy. So much editing to get to what it looks like by the time it is posted.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have never done a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. I have contacted FF.net multiple times and have never received a response. A person stole my first ever fan fic I posted on A Sailor Moon Romance and changed the name to their own. They posted part of the story. The posting stopped right around the time ASR crashed. I still have the original that I wrote when I was 13. It is staying on my computer and will not see the light of day. It is so bad with so many mistakes. However, I do like the re-write of it, Rebirth.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I received a request earlier this year to translate Rebirth into Russian. One chapter was posted on a Russian fanfiction site and then it disappeared. I don't know what happened.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sorta? When I was in high school. SailorStars Awakening. I floated an idea to a friend what would it be like if Usagi was consumed by Chaos? It started as one idea and the co-author kind of took it and ran with it. Decades later we have Chaos Theory, how I originally pictured the concept.

Then there is the What if the Starlights Appeared in the R Season of Sailor Moon fic on FF.net. I have debated about re-writing that one but I realllly like the world I've built with Chaos Theory.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Is it shocking to read Sei/Usa for the 90s anime?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I finish all the fics I post on-line. Might take years or decades, but it will have an ending!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I used to hate battle scenes but over the years I feel like I've gotten a lot better writing them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The steamy scenes... so I'm trying to work on them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hinted at in this story at best. I don't mind seeing dialogue in other languages. Google Translate!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

When I was ten I wrote a Power Rangers story but didn't know it was called fan fiction at the time. First story I wrote that knew it was fan fiction was the stolen Sailor Moon one mentioned above.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Chaos Theory. I keep coming back to the story even though I think I'm done because I realize I have more I want to write.

Other amazing writers: @kaleidodreams, @chemicalfairyx, @speak-mnemosyne1

[russeliarat]

Life Update for 12th May

I have so much coursework to do that it's taken up a large portion of my life but tbh I have nothing but my ADHD and laziness to blame lol. I have 3 huge assignments due by the end of next week, a biology mock exam to revise for in 2 days, and a social life to keep up with :'] It's all fine though coz I get to go to Alton Towers theme park after my actual biology exam is done on 7th June. It's starting to become summer now and there's a heatwave right now so I'm able to do more stuff, if you wanna see what the system is up to, I have an instagram I'll happily give to people?

Also I've gotten into Avatar (2009) and Avatar Way of Water, the Metkayina clan from the latter low-key high-key reminds me of the Zora from LoZ so that's probably a part of why I like it tbh. Very good movies, the worldbuilding is phenomenal, the linguistics is an absolute treasure trove to explore, and I don't usually like love stories or romcoms but I think Way of Water definitely managed to explore different kinds of love and hate in an easily digestible way and has some very morally grey characters with complex motives. I like it 10/10, will probably read fanfics of it on ao3 later (probably even the bad Wattpad ones for fun too)

And me being me, I made an oc for it too coz I can't engage with a piece of media if I don't have an oc obviously. Her name is Mizawt, she's a part of the Metkayina clan if you haven't noticed, and I'll probably make some posts about her later coz I want to.

Speaking of media and ocs and sketchbooks, I've finally finished my big sketchbook and have moved onto using an A3 sketchbook for big character design work and a tiny plain paper sketchbook I got from my college for doodling. I have an original story fusing Filipino mythology and the Princess Diaries and Aphmau MyStreet for fun with my boyfriend :]

Other fandom stuff; excited for Chonny Jash's newest song to release tomorrow-ish, getting back back into Fear & Hunger and the first game is still my favourite (mostly just coz of how simple it is to master and understand) I hope Miro was able to recover most of their lost update progress from last year, my friends are getting me into Invincible and JJK (mostly the two boys in my friend group - omg yes I have irl friends now and it's a big group of friends and I love them all, college has turned out NOTHING like highschool (uh thanks to anyone who's stuck around who knew the mess I was in highschool I'm a lot better now)), and UK moth fandom still revelling over that new moth discovered literally December.

[clarislam]

PSA: Archive Of Our Own

For those that don’t know, I post fanfics on Archive Of Our Own (aka Ao3), and I’ve been crosposting fanfics between Ao3 and Fanfiction.net since 2018.

Recently, I discovered that not only is Archive of Our Own allowing AI-generated fics on the site, but Ao3′s own head of the legal department was in support of AI being trained on fanfics published on Archive of Our Own.

I also was not aware until recently that AI has already been used to skim the site back in December 2022, either. Even though Ao3 has stated that they’ll be trying to put measures in place to prevent AI scraping of our own fanfics on the site, I am not comfortable with them also allowing AI-generated fics on the site to begin with. That AI could’ve used anyone’s words or writing style to generate their own fiction, which is essentially plagiarism. 

Effective immediately, I will be restricting all access to fanfics published on Archive Of Our Own to registered users only. 

I really hate to do this, but this is the only way I can think of at least somewhat protecting the fics outside of taking down my fics on Archive Of Our Own closing down my Archive Of Our Own account to avoid data scraping. Any fics that were exclusively posted on Archive Of Our Own will be crossposted to Fanfiction.net during the next one and a half to two months. (Thankfully, those fics posted exclusively on Archive Of Our Own are mainly just the Escape The Night fanfics I posted years ago - all the rest are already crossposted to Fanfiction.net.) 

Given that I’m still finishing up posting chapters my Super Smash Bros/The Last Story crossover fanfic at this time, I will still post the last two chapters on the site for the sake of finishing the fic. However, after that, I will no longer post any new fanfics on Archive Of Our Own starting in June 2023. All fanfics from June 2023 onwards will be exclusively posted on Fanfiction.net until further notice. 

Of course, if a similar situation happens with Fanfiction.net, I will search for alternate platforms or strategies to share the fanfics - or, in the worst-case scenario, I’ll have to stop posting fanfics entirely. 

Thank you for your patience surrounding this situation! I appreciate your support. 

In the meantime, if you’d like to follow more news about my original works (fiction and poetry), and if you’ve enjoyed reading my writing (especially since I’m self-publishing a new book during Summer 2023), feel free to check out my newsletter and also my main site for more info. Thanks!

[fountainpenguin]

Hi, no pressure in this question of course I understand life can be busy and interests wane. But is there any chance you’re updating “Frayed Knots” soon? I really love the fic, the romance is so good and the lore so in depth

Yep! That's the 'fic I'm hoping to update in June!

You can read more about my 2024 fanfic update plans in this post if you want a more detailed explanation. It also has a list of different series you can subscribe to if you only want AO3 emails for specific fandoms I post for, but not others.

I'm really glad you like it, especially the romance and worldbuilding :) Thank you, that means a lot to me.

---

One of the things that happened with Frayed Knots was that I cut a scene that I decided was "too long" or "not relevant," even though I really liked it. I killed my darlings, as it were.

/whispers loudly - It was a scene about Anti-Cosmo having a fling with the fairy prince Eastkal and I was like. "I can't actually do this... He already has 4+ people attracted to him at this point in the story; I can't just let another person fall at his feet, even though he DID save this guy's life and Eastkal is obsessed with him."

I personally think it was hilarious because it's mostly Anti-Cosmo tying Eastkal to a bed and robbing him blind while Eastkal slowly realizes what's happening, but I felt it wasn't clicking with the D3 stuff A.C. was dealing with at that time, so I scrapped it. Anti-Cosmo has a disorder and was in a weird point at that time of the 'fic, and I didn't want him to "stop experiencing symptoms" just to have a fling scene.

So canonically, Anti-Cosmo forgot to meet up with Eastkal because he was thinking about how much he wanted to have a fling and in doing so, he failed to have a fling

However, cutting the scene really threw off a specific groove that I've needed - Eastkal being loyal to A.C. so we can hit a specific scene during the war where they face each other and it's dramatic - so I've been trying to loop back around... hence why Eastkal followed Anti-Cosmo all the way to the Anti-Fairy migration zone.

It's been very frustrating and was a good reminder that hey, there's a reason my outline is the way it is, and I shouldn't just cut scenes because a chapter is long. Some of the chapters are very long and they should be that way because it's right for the story. That's honestly why I committed to the 27k-word chapter Knots currently has last- I didn't find a good place to cut it and I really did not want to, so I remembered how frustrated I was when I cut stuff and I chose not to cut.

The next scenes I have to deal with are sensitive in nature, as they involve some important relationship changes for Anti-Cosmo, including:

- Lots of self-realization about what he wants and how it differs from the strict requirements of his culture (i.e. deferring to certain people based on their zodiac year) - Difficult conversations with Anti-Lance - Difficult things happening in school since he's trying to get into the godparenting program - Dealing with the fact that Blonda just confessed she has a crush on him and wants to see him after he comes back from migration - The fact that A.C. still wants to see Blonda even though he's betrothed to someone who's asked him to be monogamous - Large interactions with Wanda (a major character; people are probably looking forward to this scene) - Dealing with the fact that his betrothed just called off his wedding and now he's reeling from it - Facing the fact that he just realized he wants to run off with his betrothed and cross-dress because Anti-Fairy culture is super strict with gender norms and he wants to try a different lifestyle, which is a very interesting thing for him to do considering he's been sexist this entire story - Meeting Cosmo for the first time (again, a scene that should be important and handled with care) - Upcoming drama with Anti-Buster and Ant-Bryndin, including stuff that changed from my original outline, where I was planning to kill off Anti-Buster but no longer can because I've tied his life to a character who's still alive in canon

So it's a lot of stuff I think is important to do right, and I didn't want to rush it.

Also, I've been struggling with self-censorship, especially since I did a lot of worldbuilding and outlining 8 to 9 years ago, and some of my views have changed (plus general writing style improvement- Origin and Knots feel choppier and more awkward for me than they did back then).

I spent a lot of 2023 re-unlearning these hesitations, and trying to rekindle my love for what these 'fics are. They've always been villain backstory 'fics, and they're labeled with reminders that the cultures I portray are fine for insect and bat people - trickster fae especially - and not necessarily good for humans.

It just took me a while to stop feeling overly self-conscious about them and the 130 Prompts as I've gotten older and started to wonder if people think I'm trying to promote these very harmful relationships.

There are some very bad things that happen in these 'fics. Things that are harmful. Do not use villains as positive role models, especially when you're seeing them in their villain arc before they enter their silly arcs. In fact, don't use the fey as good role models at all. They are not human, I have no intention of writing them like they're human, and they do some pretty messed-up things.

And I'm glad I've come around to tap into that again, because I'm sick of living in the mindset I was in for part of 2023 where I just felt very judged and self-conscious about what I was writing. If there's one takeaway you should have from my 'fics, I hope it's a recognition that fiction is not reality and the things I write about aren't necessarily things I endorse. I like dealing with trauma across a million-year lifespan, and some pretty bad stuff happens to a lot of these characters. It's just... how it is.

But I do want to handle some of these scenes carefully, like Anti-Cosmo meeting Cosmo for the first time, because there's stuff I don't want to rush, and I want a buffer prepped so that I no longer have these awkward, surprise gaps between chapters.

tl;dr - Hopefully next month I'll have some things to post. If not in June, I'd like to be posting in July :)

[those70scomics]

In honor of Groundhog Day, I’m featuring my fanfic ...

Hyde’s Long Way Home [FFnet / AO3]

Summary: Hyde goes on a self-destructive bender after finding Jackie with a towel-wrapped Kelso. The day after that, he wakes up ... and it's the same day as before. He's doomed to live the same day over and over — unless he can figure out a way to live it right.

Rated: M

---

My Comments: My second fanfic, one I wasn’t going to write. I had planned to write the sequel to Reflections Through the Glass (i.e. Beneath a Shattered Sky) then stop writing fanfiction altogether.

But on a (now-defunct) That ‘70s Show fanfic message board, where I first met Prissy (aka @that70sshowgoldencouple​ / @that90sshowgoldencouple​) over ten years ago, I posted a story challenge that included the germ of the idea for Hyde’s Long Way Home.

Groundhog Day is one of my favorite movies (and I learned post-2011 that it’s based on a short film that stars Kurtwood Smith called 12:01 PM. Full circle), and I thought how interesting a fanfic might be where Hyde is the one reliving the same day. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. On a plane trip back home, staring out the small window, the story began writing itself. I thought, “No. I can’t [allow myself to] write this. I need to be done with fanfic.”

The next thought I had was, “You have to write this.”

So I did. Or, rather, the story seemingly wrote itself.

The characters chose what they wanted to do, and I copied it down. They often surprised me -- sometimes shocked me -- with their actions, but it felt right story-wise, so I didn’t force them to behave differently. I’ve never had an easier time writing a story, and Hyde’s Long Way Home has only two drafts: the first and a revision.

Insane. Especially for me. (It needs another, but one where most readers won’t notice the changes. I do suggest downloading it for yourself in its current form if the prospect of any changes makes you feel apprehensive. But that revision isn’t going to happen for a long while yet, so you have time.)

My original title for the story was Hyde’s Do-Over. Because Fanfiction.net can’t handle hyphens in its story titles, I came up with a new title -- a much better one, in my opinion.

I posted the first chapter on June 11, 2011. Reflections Through the Glass had garnered one to three comments per chapters (when I first posted it), so I had no expectations about that for Hyde’s Long Way Home (yet).

To my surprise and delight, people were drawn into this story and engaged with it and me about it. The comments were (and still are) a lovely bonus to the enjoyment writing this story gave me. So when I posted Chapter 24: A Dark, Sunless Place, where Hyde has a huge emotional epiphany that ultimately leads to his freedom, I expected the same level of engagement.

Almost crickets. A few people commented (and thank you to them!), but I was both confused and disappointed. This was the chapter, the one I expected a lot of reader reaction for.

Nope. And it taught me not to have expectations about the T7S stories I put out. If people feel inspired enough, or simply want, to write a response in public about what I’ve written, they will. Bonus! But the joy for me is in the writing. Always in the writing.

Over the last eleven-plus years, Hyde’s Long Way Home consistently gets -- gratifyingly -- positive comments. Where the stories are posted (FFnet and AO3), on social media sites like Tumblr, and even on webpages that recommend fanfics. More importantly, the comments are from people who’ve read it for the first time or the fifth. The story has gone beyond any expectation I ever could’ve had for it. It makes people reflect about their own lives, opens them up to feelings they needed to confront, and creates positive change in their lives. What more could a writer wish for their work to do?

My thought on that airplane in 2011, “You have to write this,” was absolutely true. I had to write it for me, but I also I had to write it for others. I’m grateful for the positive impact it’s had and continues to have on people. I want my stories not only to be entertaining but to be healing in some way (even if it’s “just” to provide a mental-emotional space for someone to escape to).

So thank you, Hyde, for being such a strong presence in my skull that all I needed to do was watch and listen to you and write down what I saw and heard. And thank you to everyone who has ever written to me about Hyde’s Long Way Home and shared your thoughts, tears, and joy. Thank you.