#oracle of jersey fic

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Oracle of Jersey

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Birds of Prey (Comics)

Summary: Barbara Gordon runs a podcast that results in six teenagers looking over a dead body.

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Barbara Gordon, Dinah Lance, Renee Montoya, Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe, Lori Zechlin, Wendy White, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Tim Drake, Ted Kord, Jean-Paul Valley, Dick Grayson, Helena Bertinelli, Zinda Blake

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Mentor Barbara Gordon, No Powers AU, Podcast AU, Murder Mystery

Episode 1: Female Sleuths & Self-Defense

"Hello, Pythians. It's been a while. Today we'll be discussing some sensitive subject matter. This includes but is not limited to domestic violence, child abuse, grooming, and murder," Barbara's tone allowed a hint of personal sadness. Her voice was subtly disguised with a Mid-Atlantic accent. Her voice was mature and robust, but there was something sweet and feminine about her cadence. The lilt in her voice was unlike her natural speech, but it added to the bit, along with voice-altering software. Oracle was a character, and she had to stay that way. She took a breath to collect herself. "Today, I have a special guest. She is loud and proud... And she is fighting to elevate the voices of domestic violence survivors during Gotham's lockdown. Miss Dinah Lance. Dinah, can you take a moment to tell us about yourself and your organization?" Barbara leaned back away from the mic as she put Dinah on speaker.

"Hi, Oracle. Well, as you said, I'm Dinah Lance. I've been in Gotham most of my life, and this organization is near and dear to my heart. Black Canary is my mother's non-profit organization dedicated to survivors of domestic violence. It goes back to before I was born.

"My mother lived in a community filled with women in violent and unstable relationships. She quickly realized that most of these women didn't have the tools they needed to escape, let alone protect themselves. So, she took it upon herself to secretly offer free self-defense classes in her apartment. My mother knew this wasn't enough, but it was all she could do at the time.

"Fast forward a few years. My mother married my father and got pregnant with me, and she had to take a break from offering classes. To her surprise, her neighbors took over for her. They went on to teach their friends everything they learned. Eventually, this led to a connection with lawyers, doctors, and childcare workers... And from there, my mom founded the Black Canaries.

"I was fortunate to grow up with two loving and supportive parents, and I took it upon myself as soon as I was old enough to continue what my mother started. Since then, we've expanded to all victims of domestic violence. Not just women," Dinah replied. She was obviously passionate about her cause.

Barbara made a soft noise to acknowledge all she'd heard. "I wanted to take this time to tell the listeners your organization now operates online. I left a link in the description... But I also wanted to ask about a specific case that's gained traction in the media. I understand that you've taken a personal interest in the Anna Stanfield case... You've also expressed discomfort with the long-time trend of giving murder cases nicknames," Barbara paused, "After a message from our sponsors, we'll talk about that and how this case is different from anything the Black Canaries have dealt with this far." Barbara played an ad for Ted Kord's tech company.

During that time, Barbara took the opportunity to quietly thank Dinah for the interview. "I appreciate you coming on the show, Dinah. I wanted to ask you personally if you'd like to come back to talk next month for Mother's Day?" Barbara asked.

"I would love to," Dinah replied, "And thank you for allowing me the opportunity to talk about Anna Stanfield."

Barbara smiled to herself. "Of course. It's always a joy to have you on the show," Barbara replied, "We're back on air in five... Four... Three... Two... Welcome back, Pythians. Before the break, I asked Dinah how the Black Canaries have taken an interest in the Anna Stanfield case and her critique of the media buzz surrounding this cruel Gotham slaying."

"Right. For everyone unfamiliar with the case, Anna Stanfield was an eighteen-year-old girl from Gotham. Last month, she got married to a man seven years her senior, and at some point on the first night of her honeymoon, she was brutally beaten and ultimately smothered to death.

"The media's taken this as an opportunity to talk about the lack of knowledge about her past. Instead of putting forth the efforts and energy to spread information about the case, they've focused on dissecting this girl's life to blame her for her murder. Her husband, Eddie Stanfield, is seemingly missing and has been since the discovery of Anna's body. Few efforts are being made to find him despite his history of violence toward women... And instead of being treated like a suspect, they are searching for Eddie Stanfield as a potential victim... Despite all evidence pointing to the contrary.

"What makes this case different from anything the Black Canaries have ever dealt with is the type of case that this is. Black Canaries deals with survivors. This is the first time we've ever dealt with a murder case. We're all working to find Eddie Stanfield and bring him to justice, and there's a lot I can't say legally... But I can say that we've got a few leads we're checking out," Dinah explained.

"I know you said you can't talk about the investigation for legal reasons, so I wanted to hear what you had to say about the nicknaming of the Anna Stanfield case as the Honeymoon Murder," Barbara replied.

Dinah took a breath before speaking. "With all the media buzz for the case, people have forgotten that Anna was a living, breathing person. People view this case as a form of entertainment rather than an actual murder of a real human being.

"The media's done a terrible job of depicting Anna's humanity. They've instead chosen to sensationalize her murder and reduce the brutal slaying of a teenage girl to nothing more than a series of puns and online memes," Dinah answered.

The two went back and forth, discussing the details of the case before their second set of commercials. "When we return from break, I'll introduce you to one of Gotham's best P.I.'s," Barbara announced.

The second set of commercials was three minutes long, allowing the two women to talk. "I hope I'm not talking too much. I don't wanna overwhelm-."

"You're doing fine, Dinah. Actually, I wanted to ask how you were doing? I've been following your work for a while now, and I saw that you've received threats-. Sorry, I sound like I'm still interviewing you. I wanted to know if you were okay," Barbara interrupted.

"It's okay... I've had worse. A few threats aren't going to scare me away from the truth," Dinah replied. Barbara pushed up her glasses and ran a hand through her hair. "Hell, if I wasn't mistaken, I'd think you were worried about me."

"I am," Barbara replied, "You know, Dinah... Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." Dinah made a soft noise.

"Keep an eye out for Eddie Stanfield... And boost my tip line," Dinah replied. Barbara could hear the smile in her voice. Barbara bit the cap of her pen before typing the tipline number and adding it to the description for the video. "You know what? I feel like I know you."

Barbara held her breath for a moment. "I make a point to get to know everyone I interview... Even if it's through research," Barbara half-lied. She didn't want Dinah to know they'd met before. Barbara's podcast identity needed to remain secret, not only for the safety of her daughters. The work she did in connection with her podcast was borderline illegal.

"It was so wonderful having you on the show, Dinah. I hope to hear from you in the future... I know you have to go, but I did enjoy speaking to you today," Barbara beamed. She chewed the cap of her pen as she waited to hear Dinah's voice.

"It was nice talking to you, Oracle... I'll keep you updated on the case," Dinah replied before hanging up.

She tossed her head back and ran both hands through her hair before calling another woman. "Hello? May I call you Question?" Barbara asked.

"Only if I can call you Oracle," Question joked. Barbara recognized the voice as ex-police officer Renee Montoya. She didn't see fit to mention it, though. Barbara chuckled.

"Of course, you can. We're about to go on air in a minute or two, and I want to let you know you don't have to answer any question you don't want to," Barbara reassured her.

"Let's get into it," Renee replied enthusiastically.

"Okay. We're back on air in five... Four... Three... Two... One. Welcome back. Before the break, I promised to introduce you to Gotham's finest private investigator, the illustrious and anonymous, Question. Question, would you like to take some time to enlighten the viewers on your connection to the Anna Stanfield case?" Barbara asked.

"Someone hired me to find and notify her family... A friend of Anna Stanfield who wanted to remain anonymous," Renee replied, "The issue is, Anna Stanfield doesn't exist. Or at least she didn't, up until a few months ago... But that made me wonder how Eddie Stanfield came to know her. She's an eighteen-year-old girl with no past, no known family, and no history... Not so much as a report card from her."

"It sounds as if you have some suspicions about the crime. Can you elaborate at this time?" Barbara asked.

"I've found some important information that's led me to a family within the city, but I'm not at liberty to say. The police have been notified. But I can tell you, I have reason to believe Eddie Stanfield is guilty of a series of violent crimes against Anna... And I'm not talking about her murder," Renee replied. Barbara took her pen and jotted down a note.

Silence fell between the two for a moment. "Are you-. Sorry, that's such a shock. I wanted to know if you were working with the Black Canaries or anyone else to get information on this case?" Barbara asked, stumbling over her words out of shock. She didn't think anyone would have any new information like this.

"Yeah, I've talked to Dinah before finding what I found... I told her I'd look into finding Eddie," Renee paused, "And I've gotten a bit of information from her as well."

"Can you tell us if that information led you to your most recent revelation?" Barbara questioned.

"Yes, actually, she did. Dinah personally went and found information of her own that led me directly to a series of truths that led to this mystery family," Renee replied, "We're not sure if they're her family for sure. We only know interesting circumstances surrounding them point to this case."

Barbara typed something on her computer while she listened to Renee speak. Barbara mulled over the details mentioned by both women and wondered if she should delay posting the episode another week. As it came to a close, Barbara pushed up her glasses and started the editing process.

[brucewaynehater101]

Was afraid of sending this ask until I recalled the wise words of Junko Kaname

“If you find yourself at a dead end and there’s no other options left, doing something the wrong way might do the most good.”

Plus I'm anonymous. I've got nothing to fear

Platonic Omegaverse AU based on "Back and There Again" by wolfsrainrules and your fic "Words Unspoken" on ao3 —WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!

toss in "Three Robins walk into a tower" by Law_10 plus the fic where Tim gets Surgeoned wings

Also there's some unreliable narration later in this ask which evolved into a fic lol

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Setup; Tim gaslights and lies to himself about Batman's abusive treatment towards him until he's forced by Jack to stop being Robin

When Stephanie comes along, he helps by giving her notes and recordings from his time as Robin, making up for where Batman lacks in training her himself

This leads to Stephanie learning and calling out just how bad his tenure as Robin was, being more distant with the Batfamily + professional-ish w/ Bruce

They try to spend as little time possible with the Bats for their own sakes from them on because the other would worry for them

While Tim doesn't have as much time as Barbara, he does presume an Oracle-like role for Stephanie to help her out

Stephanie also becomes quick friends with the Teen Titans. She's got Tim's seal of approval

Janet Drake dies. Tim is grieving and now he's stuck with Jack so he copes Batman style on the computer—

ooh nooooo. deadpanning??? that's just how I grieve, officer. I can't believe someone would kill my daaaad! who could have done such a thing? Oh you already have him detained and you're even imprisoning him in a whole 'nother state that isn't a revolving door! Thank you officer! You're my hero

Tim set things up so Cluemaster and Jack were unknowingly in the same area and Cluemaster accidentally killed Jack

But nobody is gonna figure that out. It's not like he did the deed!

And who else could advocate for the villain being jailed for life after killing a millionaire away from the New Jersey State itself than the new star of a CEO for Drake Industries, Edward Drake? The fact he works remotely from home and is insanely reclusive is totally irrelevant!

In unrelated news? Tim and Steph have become best friends who flip flip between who they have sleepovers with

Whoop! Suddenly there's two Robins running around often at the same time and they are manaces! Menaces to society I tell you!

Together they train to become the best Robin duo there ever was!

Oh no, I made this a "it gets better before it gets worse before it gets better fic" FUCK ME

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Titans Tower isn't crack like Three Robins. In fact all the Robins are screaming and crying at each other

"You stole my name!"

"You stole it from Richard first, how about you apologize for taking away the very name his own parents gave him!"

"It's not just about Robin but my place in the family dammit!"

"Why would you not come back already! The family misses you! We aren't even daughter and son! We're just unpaid interns at best! We could never take your place. they think you're dead but the spot is open for you if you ever come back! We never replaced you! We're here until you return!"

"Batman's a crazy kid beater Tim!" Steph's right but even with a support system, abuse does a number on ya

Alas, Jason is not seeing reason and while he gets bruised up and does it back, the two Robins at least didn't get beat as much as Jason wanted. Small mercies

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

When Jason finally comes back into the fray, it's smoother than he expected. Weirdly enough, he hardly saw his Replacements in the Manor, but given he wants as little to do with them as possible? Small mercies

When Damian comes into the fray and tries to prove himself in the form of attacking both Robins? Proof that there's lots of cult deprogramming to do; but for Jason?

It's nice having demon brat around again. Dami understands what growing up in the League was like and the Replacements spend even less time around him when in the Manor. Any instances where they would usually be asked to interact face to face are done through voicemails or emails instead

Man, Tim must really be living up to Eddie Drake's image if he only sees him and Stephanie as Robins on the field now

Meh, for all he knows they're prancing around with the other bats

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

It's his 16th Birthday

Stephanie is first and only to know

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Whenever Red Robin laments getting Spoiler's image tarnished in the super scene for good when it just could have just been his alone, she hounds him for it

As she does when he looks back to his time of cloning, thinking about their mutual lack of spleens instead of the dead

it's progress

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

The Core Five of Young Justice sit together in silence. Typing together contingencies for when Batman enacts the third test and beyond

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

"Demon brat," says Todd, ruffling Damian's hair

"Dami," says Grayson, trapping him in arms

"Son," says Father, says Pennyworth

The Replacements Father owes life debts to say "Robin," and nothing else until the public is upon them. Then they say "Wayne"

"Damian" when it is professional and polite West etiquette 

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

It wouldn't be the first time a villain---Dynamics Master---came from another dimension

The second time they were fixated on biology

Or the third time their targets were Bats

Least of all a new permanent divide between Batman and his proteges came

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Jason hasn't let go since they got out

Neither the pups Replacements with each other

"Unhand me Todd!" Damian. His puppy fussed.

'Responsibility' Jason corrected himself. He kept him close to his chest

Didn't matter what Dami had to say. His scent betrayed him; distressed-puppy-scared-omega-help-please

Emoting through smell. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if it was just him and Damian

Jason didn't even realize when he started purring and rubbing his wrist against Damian's hair. Probably another "Dynamic" thing the villain raved about

Something about not wanting to be stuck in a world full of people unlike theirs, since this was the norm in their own

Damian yipped—his hearted melted, good god these Dynamics can't pick if their truth serums for thought or straight up liars themselves—as he buried his nose in the kid's hair, inhaling the smell of puppy-pack-omega-here-safe-and—

His nose scrunched with distress refusing to part from Damian

That wasn't right, it wasn't parting from him either

In fact it's been a chore to not gaze at the PUPS! Replacements the other side of the room

Replacements who would have long since left the room without a goodbye since all their checkups and duties were done for the day

Replacements who's gazes flicked between them and each other

And wore bandages over their wrists and necks

'Scent-blockers' he recalls the villain saying

Jason bared his teeth at them for a warning to— to— he had a pact to protect

Red Robin and Spoiler jumped to their feet and ran out the room, forgoing closing the doors, not once letting the other's hand go

. . .

For some reason, he and Damian's scents felt worse than ever before

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Brown and Drake don't say his name anymore

that is if he ever sees them at all outside of Robin

They don't appear in high society either. Father said they made a scene about faking responsibilities, injuries, and sickness to get out of dealing with elites forever

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

"That villain really did a number on you, didn't he Dami?" 

"I remain unshaken!" Damian announced, wrapping fresh scent-blockers around his wrists

When the Manor's doors opened to reveal Jason—wearing blockers himself—Damian was already running towards him, not locking back at Dick until he spoke again

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Another alien invasion—one needing all hands on deck—done with. All that was left

And barking a warning at the Replacements to not get up in his personal space

"Man, not even their teammates want them," he swore he caught a rookie hero say off-handedly, "and they're still allowed in Young Justice?"

But practically everyone was here catching their bearings, so in case he misheard it

"Hey, hey! I heard you talking about Spoiler and Red, right?"

The rookie turned to him, "You mean the nutcases?"

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

'Ever-constant despair' Cassandra had to say about the pups Replacements when Jason's hand started hovering over his phone

Alfred had commented on a trend from before the villain where they barely appreciated their meals without the other with them, otherwise they deigned for quick, efficient meals

afterwards it became impossible to get them to eat anything at all without the other with them

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

For the first time, Jason felt unfulfilled from Dick's octopus hugs. He was slowly and painfully spenting less time cuddling Damian now and he still didn't feel as hollow.

He grumbled in a way that came with being an 'Omega' and Dick didn't vocalize back. He didn't smell anything but chemicals from Richard— everyone actually

Jason felt hollow

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Once when Jason met up with Damian after the kid changed his blockers

He whiffed Misery

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

It was during a drug bust that things really went downhill. That Jason realized he couldn't do this anymore

It was the usual. Drop in. Stop the operation. Pack things up; just with the added downside of his stronger sense of smell making drugs stink like never before—even through his helmet

Spoiler—who came in on a short notice—seemed to have the same problems, coughing like there was no tomorrow.

He could almost swear to hearing keens of all things in between her fit as she shook violently in a way he hardly saw her do

Unmasking wouldn't be an option until the Cave, so she seemed to settle for placing a hand on the bandages on her throat

He placed a hand, on a crate for support. The drugs smelled awful, sure, but to render him dizzy? It was strong, but not that much

It was then that she noticed the blood on her hand which came from blood splattered on the bandages earlier

"Shit— do you mind if I swap out my blockers quick Red Hood?" She wiped down her glove for as much blood she could

"I'm not your boss Replacement."

She scrambled to grasp for her pockets and used her now less-bloodied glove to unwrap the bloodied bandages

'Great' he wanted to spit out 'I can smell you through my helmet and your costumes.'

Instead he got hammered with the puppy-alpha scent of pup-in-danger-not-safe-omega-hates-me-help-save-me

Jason wasn't even sure he could keep himself still, but he did it. It didn't matter if his brain was rewired or scent glands got grafted onto him, he was the master of his own body—!

He can't do this anymore, he can't—

nobody one else for sure

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Jason was going insane

He entered the cave to see Batman on the Batcomputer, but that wasn't what he was focused on, unwilling as it was

Stephanie might as well be clinging to Tim's shoulders for life, looking at the screen of the laptop he typed on

The two had forgone their blockers, forcing their scents to mix and mingle in the air, drowning the place in together-alone-pups-alpha-omega-miserable-together as he picked up bits of a discussion between about about 'dynamics' and a 'syringe' together

Tearing through his skull however was their frequent keens of miserable-pack-hates-us-we're-not-safe-here

Unseen by them was Damian, stiff if not for the movement of breathing and the gazes of oh god that was longing

Jason used all of his willpower to not tear off either of their blockers and he took Damian's hand

Try as he might, he couldn't resist keening in response to his pups. His response making the others stop barely made him feel better

Jason was going insane

He has to put an end to this

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

With even Barbara having to go offworld, Batman entrusted Tim with keeping charge of Gotham

After Batman left, he couldn't be faster in delegating some of the job to Jason, shakey as his limbs were

The back of Jason's brain tingles with deja vu seeing the sorry sight that is Timothy

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

A hospital in Gotham admitted a new patient

Days later, word hit the streets that Joker was good as dead, a vegetable for life, if only for the bare minimum brain activity and heartbeats keeping him going

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

'For once,' Jason thought as he stocked up his chosen safehouse to hunker down in, 'The Bat was right but too late in not entrusting me with unclipped wings'

He would do anything to make Gotham more peaceful than it's ever been for this string of months. Even pull every favor he had to get it done

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

"Pack everything you want to keep more than anything in your suitcase pup. nothing for keeping face, we're going to be alone"

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

"Steph! Red Hood betrayed us, it was a false alarm. Alert the on-world Bats and—!" Scent withdrawal was a nasty, nasty thing if a hug and an older omega's scent was all it took to knock the pup out

Omega-protector-here-you're-safe-now-pup wafted through the air yet unable to purge the misery-alone-unsafe clinging to them both

Jason would rectify that soon

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Stephanie had been on her wits end and her mind frayed alongside Tim's in ways everyone and thing else would envy

Today that thread of sanity snapped. She had no pack—she can't trust anyone—Tim needs her!

The Drake Manor acquired a broken window, which the super-computer stored in it's secret bunker promptly noted for repair. no girl or boy would see it for a time

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Deep in the Batcave, Cassandra gazed at the syringe full of fluid

A syringe which would be innocuous if not for it being locked in a suitcase that needed a mix of Tim and Steph's Dynamic vocals and pheromones to activate

Something achieved only after intense trial and error, prediction of randomly timed password lockouts, and guesswork on what clips of the two making sufficient audio were Dynamic vocals, and which of their items retained enough pheromones to trick the technology it was fresh from their wrists

Included with the syringe were documents of its nature

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Danger!-unsafe-unwanted-pack-where-are-you-please-don't-kill-me flooded the room after Tim caught sight of Damian and Jason

The omega chuffed, pack-omega-here-pup-you're-pack

An omega-puppy's keen, i-don't-get-it-confused-you-hate-me

A puppy's yip, omega-is-safe-protector-pack-scared-unsafe?

"You're safe pup," Jason crooned, combing his fingers through the teen's hair, "You belong to my pack and so will Stephanie, nobody, not even we'll hurt you."

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

All the desperation in the world couldn't get Stephanie to escape a Red Hood who'd spent the last months studying their battle tactics endlessly

And even more months packless meant a new pup in the roster led to him purging the air of anything but his scent of precious-pups-you're-my-pack-i-love-you

Tucking his new pup in the nest, he did a round of checking on the safehouse's security, then his nest, making sure the pack was sleeping comfortably. He scented them again for good measure

Exhaustion wore on his bones. Wrapping his arms around Stephanie as Tim did Damian

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Something was coming, Jason shot up, longlearned in trusting his gut, and as the only grown pack member? It fell onto him to protect them all

He froze at the approaching scent of a beta-pup, another pup, but how?

He heard the mechanisms of the front door unlocking and locking again, and waited for what was coming

The scent drew his gaze to Cassandra's eyes, Cassandra who was waffing lonely-packless-beta-pup-i-want-my-pack-confused

No matter, Jason made room in the nest for a fourth pup, and chuffed for her to come in

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Jason has maybe a year left of three of his pups being pups according to their Dynamics until they're full-fledged adults

All those months before they stewed in misery because he let their pride and societal expectations trump it all

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

"The syringe" is all Cassandra has to say about her sudden dynamic

As Tim confesses, those three Young Justice members had wanted to do something about Stephanie and him withering away

The solution? Reverse engineer their own biology to craft a more autonomous means of gaining a dynamic

Jason huffs that he and Dami weren't their first pick

That being said, he isn't saying no to three more pups

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Word rapidly spreads that the Batman's baby birds were spirited away by Red Hood

Even quicker is their meta status of the same vein

Asking strangers "Would you rather get caught doing child-involved crimes by Red Hood, or laying a scratch on his pups?" becomes a viral sensation much like Man vs. Bear

Rogues throw their hands up once Wonder Girl, Superboy, and Impulse join the fray of Red Hood's adoptees

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

When the Bats return back to Earth, they find those who stayed have not only cut contact with the rest of the world outside of Gotham and Young Justice, but have dragged Young Justice to join in on pushing their new isolationist policities to their absolute limits

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

When Batman discovers photos of the Joker's mauled and unrecognizable body have gone viral on Twitter, he's dissapointed at his own surprise as how easy finding the details were

All he had to worry was verification, which was simple enough

When the hospital's data shows that it was done with claws and teeth, unrecognizable pheromones matching just one boy he knows

Jason grins at him, omega canines on display

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

Is it Batman's business if his pups hand over a syringe and their favorite hoodies to a precious little light down two parents to Joker Gas?

Jason thinks not

. • ° · ☽ 【×】 ☾ · ° • .

I accidentally made a fic

How did this happen? Oh well then

Extra Notes

This was just meant to be a Jason & Damian & Damian thing but then Stephanie and Young Justice and Cass snuck into the nest

And this transforming into a fanfic that was semi-jason-centric wasn't on my bingo but lol

Also rip if you dunno wtf the omegaverse is lmao

Even if Joker is out of the game, Jason couldn't prevent his inventions from getting out there and being reverse engineered and being distributed, hence how Duke's parents still took the L

Now a little Jason think piece

In Canon, he's arguably just as guilty as Bruce for Joker's crimes and victims after he doesn't kill him then and there

Arguably because he cares more about Bruce than the victims and collateral of Joker's deeds

Jason in a position where more than ever, he sees family and community as his world, to the point it's need to live on a psychological level? Threats cannot be allowed to exist

Or at least be able to do anything meaningful for as long as they still live

Joker is at the top of that list. And if Jason can come back from the dead? So could he. What to do?

You only need a beating heart & brain activity to live, and Batman won't let him his long time nemesis die, even as a mercy

I'd present more questions and ideas that didn't get into the final product and do another round of editting but my computers gonna die now lol

Go crazy, go stupid about my ask everybody

Alright! I do in fact know what the omegaverse is. I don't particularly like it for a variety of reasons, but some of the concepts are cool. If I wanted to have similar enough dynamics, I typically read shifter AUs. They have the pack bonding, the scent shit, the different instincts, etc. without the stuff I don't particularly like (depending on how it's written, ofc).

The stuff I loved about this fic/AU:

Fixed Tim and Steph's dynamic in a way I didn't know I needed. Fuck yes to them supporting each other through their Robin years instead of being pitted against each other.

Steph and YJ bonding

Steph and Tim continuing to support each other even through the BruceQuest

Steph and Tim bonding over how fucked up Bruce was to them during their Robin years

The hc/au that Tim becomes an Oracle-like support to Steph's Robin

The hc (kind of canon-ish) that Jason and Damian met in the League

Jason adopting everyone including Cass and YJ and Duke

I am curious about Dick and where he is in all of this. Also, it wasn't quite clear to me who was affected by the omegaverse stuff. Everyone who was adopted by Jason was, but is there anyone else besides that villain?

Two notes you made at the end that were impactful:

Jason is complicit in Joker's murders after he doesn't kill the Joker

I think that is dependent on Jason's characterization. If, how it's often portrayed in canon/media, he cares more about Bruce's actions/reactions than justice, then this is true. On the other hand, Jason may be unable to kill the Joker due to a vicious concoction of trauma, fear, Bruce, and circumstances. It would be understandable (and a great angst/conflict point) if Joker is the only person Jason is unable to kill. He wants to, by everything he is does he want to, but he can't. If anyone wants me to expand, send an ask.

"Batman won't let his long time nemesis die, even as a mercy"

This is the type of Dark Bruce I want to see. My gods, I would kill to see a fic where Bruce views murder as a mercy, too permanent, and too forgiving. This Bruce wants to force villains, rogues, heroes, civilians, etc. to work for their redemption. If they die, how are they going to make amends? What good is atonement if the only one to witness it is God and the dead? What good is forgiveness given by those unaffected?

I'm not saying this is an okay or decent mindset (hence why it's Dark Bruce). I'm just saying it would be cool to explore a Bruce who refuses to kill for entirely different reasons. Instead of it being too far, him being worried about never stopping, or him not agreeing morally, I would fuck with a fic where he doesn't kill so he can make people pay for as long as he wants.

[dcfanfictioncatalogue]

barbara gordon APR 2024 fic awards

BOO. apparently I can actually post twice in a row it's a miracle !!!! also if anyone would like me to do consistent monthly fics for any other characters please just send me a link otherwise I'm going to keep bulldozing my way through all of 2024's barbara gordon fics THIS is cherry's fic awards HERE are my favorite babs fics from april. lot of unfinished chaptered fics here but please give them a shot anyway!!

through the noise and static and the call, by shipyrds (@burins). 4k, E, dinahbabs, 1/2. summary: dinah doesn't even know what the woman looks like. my notes: OHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!!!!!!! early bop pre-identity reveal dinahbabs is like my mortal weakness and OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDD. I left a comment on this fic already and like ...... I love this so much. read it right now there isn't much more I can say.

&&

By a Thread (Hanging On), by BingDragon. 1.4k, G, gen. summary: it’s winter in gotham, during the most dangerous time in the city’s history, and cass hasn’t been home for several days. my notes: NML FIC!!!!!! always such an underutilized in fandom event and by god this delivers!!! the babs and cass mother daughter dynamic UGH they make me so sick.... pun not intended lmaoo

&&

Oracle of Jersey, by metroidspeedrun. 3k, T, gen, 2/?, graphic depictions of violence. summary: barbara gordon runs a podcast that results in six teenagers standing over a dead body. my notes: love!! the whole bop cast is here -- charlie, lori, ted! -- and that is always important to me. I can't wait to see how the plot develops!!! I think it's really interesting making a casefic out of a "civilian" au. babs will be babs no matter the setting <3

ask box is open for requests ++ find my fic rec libraries organized here

[spacetime1969]

TOAxDC anyone?

I've been a part of the MariBat fandom for years now, and more recently become a part of the BatPham fandom since it grew into a full fandom of it's own.

In all that time I have been sitting on an idea for another crossover with DC that I think has just as much potential to become something entirely its own.

So, allow me to present the idea of Tales of Arcadia x Batman, which I've been affectionate calling the BATHUNTER crossover in my head.

More ramblings and fic recs under the cut.

So, first and foremost:

We have a bat bait, blue eyed, black haired, protagonist with trauma. Comparing this to the other two fandoms we've already hit the ground running.

We also have a reason for them to be in Gotham. At the end of Trollhunters we have Claire and Jim going with the trolls to find a new heartstone in New Jersey. Gotham is in New Jersey.

The trolls traveling across the country and founding New Trollmarket right in the Bat's territory doesn't even require an explanation beyond 'They found the new heartstone under Gotham City.'

The opportunities for identity shenanigans are still just as present as ever. If you stick to the full canon of the Tales of Arcadia universe, sans the time travel reset, then Jim, Claire and possibly Toby are both human and the bats could meet them as human civilians and as vigilantes who go around with glowing face covering armor and the ability to just disappear.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of canon past the first half of wizards. So I like the idea of Jim using a glamour mask to go to school while being a vigilante in his half troll form. Make the bat's even more confused.

I also feel like the dichotomy between the three rules of trollhunting and Batman's usage of fear as a weapon and no killing rule would be fascinating.

Just:

"Fear heightens your senses. Fear keeps you alive. Arrogance gets you killed."

-vs-

“You prefer to call me Batman. But the reason you can never escape me … is that my name is fear. And I live within you.”

“Always finish the fight.”

-vs-

"Heroes should never kill a villain, no matter the depths of his villainy."

They would probably agree on rule three, though: “When in doubt, always kick them in the gronk-nuts.” Since Batman identifying weakness in both his teammates and villains is a whole thing.

Lastly, the potential for bio-dad aus is fascinating to me. Specifically, not with Bruce as the bio-dad, but with Commissioner Jim Gordon.

For anyone who hasn't happened on Jim Gordon's backstory, allow me to give some context. Jim Gordon's wife was named Barbara Eileen Gordon. They had two children, Barbra Gordon and Jim Gordon Jr. Barbara Eileen divorced Commissioner Gordon because she wanted to get her son out of Gotham.

From what I understand, in canon she keeps the name and eventually moves back to Gotham after her son becomes a serial killer and inmate of Arkham Asylum.

But this is an AU, canon is what ever we want it to be and Jim Lake being the biological kid of Commishionre Gordon and little brother of Barbra Gordon aka Oracle has some real potential in the right author's hands.

Fic Recs:

Loose Lips, by NerdofSpades

Batman wants answers. Jim wants to be left alone, so he can go back to his not so normal life. Too bad those two things aren't at all compatible with each other. At least Jim gets some new friends out of all of this. Probably. Maybe.

One of my favorite fics in general. Jim becomes friends with the Young Justice team while trying to convince Batman that he's 'just a civilian'.

three teenagers are loose in gotham (what will they do), by clayr_of_the_lillies

sometimes you become a vigilante deliberately. sometimes its twitter's fault. aka a tales of arcadia/batman crossover that wouldn't leave my mind.

Very funny and well thought out. I particularly like this interpretation of Gotham's trollmarket and the friendship between the trollhunters and the batfam.

In Their Blood, NerdofSpades

Barbara Lake saw an uncomfortably familiar pattern in the behavior of James Lake Junior. She saw it in almost everything he did these days. She had seen it in her friends growing up. She had lived it herself. She just wasn't sure how to help him, so, instead, she calls in a friend.

Another fun one by NerdofSpades. Barbara, having been Batgirl, recognizes Jim's behavior in herself. It's a shorter one but still a lot of fun

I'm also working on a couple of my own fics set in this crossover, but their still WIP for now

[zahri-melitor]

Newish Comics (finally hit 5th Tuesday and ahhhh yeah the dearth of content):-

Alan Scott: The Green Lantern #4: this was the villain retrospective monologue about how he trapped Alan. I’ve got to say, the plotting for the three JSA minis has been a bit ‘and HERE IS MY EVIL PLAN’ flashback for their 4th issues, which feels formulaic back to back, but on the other hand it is an interesting story.

Batman/Superman: World’s Finest 2024 Annual #1: a whole METAMORPHO story?? Rex! And then another for Karen! I like that Waid and Mora are basically just creating their own early-timeline franchise under World’s Finest, at this point. The whole issue felt like a competition over ‘how obscure can we get’.

Batman and Robin 2024 Annual #1: I’ve read this fic before (heh). Anyway, I think Howard Porter’s art’s just a bit too stylised and linework for my taste. Also from my best understanding of the US, this story is taking place in rural New Jersey?

On the other hand “I’ll check in with Oracle” as a line makes me SO HAPPY. Also CAMERON!!!! Some day someone will write you with an actual story again, but hello blorbo.

The Warlord #37: this week in Skartaris Travis Morgan rides a pegasus! Shakira fights a centaur named Arvak Thunderhoof (who offers to seduce her)

A 'small service' hey mate?

Anyway as this is Grell, Travis ends up in a castle called Grimfang on top of a very high peak, where a lady called Astarte tries to seduce HIM

(look, she's hot, I love her look) and make Travis drink some frankly suspicious wine. Shakira, who's been on her way to rescue Travis "You Idiot" Morgan, jumps on her in cat form and claws Astarte's face.

Astarte turns out to be a Harpy, the wine turns out to be a potion turning people to stone, and poor Astarte dies (she just wanted a statue collection, Travis!)

Look this is pretty much a constant with Travis Morgan's relationships actually, Shakira.

Here's another shot of Arvak Thunderhoof, a centaur I have now extensively researched and who disappointingly never shows up again in DC (bring him back!!!)

I believe in your powers of seduction, Arvak.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

A Canary's Tweets

(Bolded are tweets that weren't already included in the fic)

Spoilers for the fic. Obviously.

~~~~~

OliverQueenOfficial: Why does that one Gotham villain go by Canary? Black Canary already exists.

TheBetterCanary: if youre gonna vague tweet maybe dont put my name in it

TheBetterCanary: but anyways someone else named me that and it stuck before i could think of something to change it to

ScareCrane:… @/RiddleMeThis she’s dissing you

RiddleMeThis: LISTEN UP. IT WAS THEMATIC. DON’T ANY OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING OF DRAMA? EVER HEAR ABOUT CANARIES IN COAL MINES? FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR UNCULTURED, UNEDUCATED ASSES. NOT TO MENTION IT WAS MAKING FUN OF THE BIRD THEME ALL THE VIGILANTES HER AGE SEEM TO HAVE. (1/14)

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane why would you do that you knew he was going to do this

ScareCrane: Joker just broke out so Arkham is boring… needed to entertain myself somehow

TheBetterCanary: fuck you im not visiting this weekend

OliverQueenOfficial: Wow do I regret asking. I didn’t need all this family drama in my comments.

~

TheBetterCanary: @/Yummmmmm enemies to lovers 180k with me

Yummmmmm: I hate you

TheBetterCanary: and so it begins

~

TheBetterCanary: gonna lace a cross with kryptonite i think that would be so funny

TheBetterCanary: the christians would so cancel superman if he had to shy away from a cross

Yummmmmm: Isn’t he already canceled because he’s Jewish

Supes: Please stop reminding them.

~

TheBetterCanary: @/Yummmmmm stop hacking into my twitter to unblock nightwing he keeps liking my tweets hating on him *liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: you guys think youre so funny *liked by Daylightwing*

~

Gothamlite: Red Robin and Nightwing really said I will hack Canary’s twitter but not to figure out her location, no we must mildly inconvenience her by unblocking Nightwing.

TheBetterCanary: to be fair the unblocking nightwing thing is far more annoying to me *Liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: motherfucker

~

TheBetterCanary: where are you guys @/ScareCrane @/RiddleMeThis

ScareCrane: Arkham…

TheBetterCanary: leave i want to talk to you

RiddleMeThis: We can’t just leave.

TheBetterCanary: yeah you can all you gotta do is get out

RiddleMeThis: It’s not that easy for us.

TheBetterCanary: oh right

TheBetterCanary: want me to help you guys out

ScareCrane: Yes please

~

ArkhamStaffHateClub: and, in today’s news, the day canary is spotted walking into arkham is the same day there was a breakout

TheBetterCanary: i have no clue why they even let me in anymore

Gothamlite: @/GCPDNews @/Batman7 @/Oracle @/Yummmmmm

TheBetterCanary: hey youre nineteen right

Gothamlite: Yes?

TheBetterCanary: fair game

~

TheBetterCanary: tim drake 🤝 red robin throwing coffee cups in random trash cans so their families don't know how much they’re drinking

Yummmmmm: Snitch

~

ScareCrane: Well, if nothing else, giving Canary therapy has been interesting…

SpoilerAlert: did you learn anything

ScareCrane: I confirmed that she’s a pathological liar…

~

TheBetterCanary: @/BrucieWayne give me a hundred million dollars and ill stop doing crime

BrucieWayne: Done.

TheBetterCanary: i take it back five hundred million

BrucieWayne: Sure.

TheBetterCanary: a billion

BrucieWayne: Alright.

TheBetterCanary: what the fuck

~

NightwingsAss9384: does anyone know why nightwing and canary hate each other?

ScareCrane: She stabbed Batman once on accident and somehow got away with blaming it on him

Daylightwing: She refuses to let B adopt her.

RiddleMeThis: They think it’s funny when their stans fight.

SignalOfficial: They said ‘I’m the only flippy bitch allowed in New Jersey’ and have been fighting ever since

Yummmmmm: He has to or else Robin will get jealous because he’s the only stabby sibling allowed

Oracle: They’re fighting over who gets to change their name to ‘The Dodo’ first.

DeadHood: Nightwing is jealous that Canary was the first one of us to think to have a full-on bird mask.

TheBetterCanary: every time i go into the batfam tag to try and avoid them all i see is his fancams

SpoilerAlert: they’re both convinced that they’re the hottest bachelor/bachelorette in gotham

NightwingsAss9384: im beginning to think no ones going to tell me.

BlackBat: :)

~

RiddleMeThis: I can’t believe Spoiler likes me more than my own daughter.

SpoilerAlert: i just think you’re better than cluemaster was, i don’t like you

ScareCrane: To be fair he didnt say you had to like him… just that you liked him more than Canary

ScareCrane: Anyways, what did you do @/TheBetterCanary

TheBetterCanary: hes just being dramatic because i solved one of his riddles too quickly

RiddleMeThis: IT IS COMMON ETIQUETTE TO LET SOMEONE FINISH TALKING BEFORE YOU ANSWER THEM.

~

TheBetterCanary: beat the shit out of a joker stan today so i think my life is going pretty good

SpoilerAlert: 👨🦯👨🦯

Daylightwing: As You Should.

Oracle: Oh dear, seems like I’ve gone blind now, too.

Batman7: As long as no one died...

DeadHood: Not as good as beating the shit out of the real thing, but still pretty good.

BlackBat: :D

TheOneTrueRobin: Good for her.

~

TheBetterCanary: we all know that there is a tier list of rogue stans

TheBetterCanary: like poison ivy and mr freeze stans are all just leftists that want a healthy world and for people to not die because theyre poor

TheBetterCanary: harley quinn stans want her to achieve personal growth and thats respectable i guess

TheBetterCanary: then theres my stans and thats just because half of them arent even aware im a villain they just think im some influencer thats very committed to a bit and the other half are just horny which is fair i guess

TheBetterCanary: then theres every other stan right

TheBetterCanary: and of course at the bottom are joker stans because theyre nazis

Joker: WHAT

TheBetterCanary: did you not know

Joker: GIVE ME A MINUTE

TheBetterCanary: wait no dm me where you are i want to punch a couple of them too

~

BlackGatePrison: We have made this account to kindly ask Canary to stop helping Yakuza members break out of prison.

TheBetterCanary: no their restaurants make good food

~

TheBetterCanary: in case you were wondering rogues do in fact reuse a lot of their speeches

TheBetterCanary: especially @/RiddleMeThis he reuses the same like five riddles over and over again

RiddleMeThis: Why would you expose your own father like this?

TheBetterCanary: im sick of those riddles get new ones you unoriginal fuck

~

TheBetterCanary: you just lost the game

RiddleMeThis: FUCK YOU.

~

Supes: Why are Rogues… like that?

TheBetterCanary: mental illness

Supes: I see.

~

GotHam: Does anyone know Canary’s tragic backstory?

TheBetterCanary: i met a parisian once

DeadHood: Know what? I think she should be allowed to commit crimes. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

TheBetterCanary: thanks for offering support during these trying times

~

TheBetterCanary: friendly reminder that i can and have benched batman so fucking with me is a bad idea

RiddleMeThis: Bullshit.

TheBetterCanary: meet me at the park ill prove it

TheBetterCanary: @/Batman7 get the stick out of your ass and get over here itll be fun

GothamGazette: Canary can, in fact, bench Batman. See the attached article for how they discovered this fact and how their respective friends and family reacted.

~

TheBetterCanary: calling him the riddler implies that there are other riddlers that are less important therefore it is stupid and i refuse to say the the part aloud

RiddleMeThis: Someone got onto you about your grammar again, didn’t they?

TheBetterCanary: you dont get to be condescending until you win against the bats even once

~

RedRobinsCape: red robin gives off so much Bi Wife Energy it’s insane

Yummmmmm: What do you mean bi wife energy, Red Robin IS bi

TheOneTrueRobin: This is not your private account.

Yummmmmm: Fuck

~

GothamTimes: We are pleased to announce that Robin has officially come out as bisexual!

Yummmmmm: Hate to tell you this @/GothamTimes but you forgot part of my name

TheOneTrueRobin: No. I stole the bisexuality from you when you became Red Robin.

TheBetterCanary: hold up guys maybe they just think that all of the robins are bi

DeadHood: Being bi is actually a little-known prerequisite for being Robin.

SpoilerAlert: roBIn

Daylightwing: @/TheBetterCanary Youre bi right?

TheBetterCanary: all these years avoiding being adopted by batman and its my sexuality that screwed me over

~

TheBetterCanary: why go to a professional doctor who spent years getting their degree when you can get fixed up by a guy named brett in his mothers garage

~

Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary If you could do one crime without consequences what would you do

TheBetterCanary: i do that anyways

TheBetterCanary: but also id beat up the guy who came up with trickle down economics

Yummmmmm: Ronald Reagan is already dead

TheBetterCanary: i could be digging up corpses to beat them up in my spare time you dont know me

~

GothamGazette: And, for the fourth year in a row, Canary has been nominated as the city’s favorite Rogue! See the attached article for the other rankings.

TheBetterCanary: further proof that im the hottest rogue in gotham

DeadHood: Bullshit.

Catwomnyan: Not at all.

PoisonIvy: No❤️

RiddleMeThis: I never should have helped her. I used to win every year and this is the thanks I get.

Penguin: Don’t feel bad, I’m pretty sure she rigs it

TheBetterCanary: please if i rigged it id set it up so i would win by exactly one point

ScareCrane: Someone’s just mad that they got last place

Penguin: I got placed lower than Joker, of course I’m mad

TheBetterCanary: its because youre boring hope that helps

~

TheBetterCanary: just saw catwoman make out with batman to get out of jail so here is my formal application to be red robins fuck buddy

Yummmmmm: Why me

TheBetterCanary: all the other bats around my age are way out of my league so youre my last resort

SpoilerAlert: ouch™ sucks to suck red

BlackBat: XD

SignalOfficial: I mean… she’s not wrong

Yummmmmm: You’re all dead to me

~

TheBetterCanary: one day robin will get a cat and name it batcat and it will completely ruin the batfamily ship and pet tags

TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 Father…

~

TheBetterCanary: everyone thinks i know things because im smart but a lot of the time people just accidentally tell me things

TheBetterCanary: the reason i found out about the league was that one of their members saw i was asian and just assumed i was one of them and no one realized i was just some random person until like three weeks in

BernieDowd: the league?

TheBetterCanary: dont worry about it

TheBetterCanary: wait youre that conspiracy theorist actually do worry about it i would love to know what you think im talking about

~

SpoilerAlert: canary totally has a knife kink

TheBetterCanary: what the fuck

SpoilerAlert: why else would you use knives almost exclusively

TheBetterCanary: because theyre quiet

TheBetterCanary: and stabby

SpoilerAlert: you’re so right i’m so sorry

~

GothamGazette: Riddler and Canary’s vendetta against escape rooms! See the attached photo and article!

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane look mom were on tv

ScareCrane: Very proud of you sweetie

MetropolisIsOverrated: Did I just watch canary and riddler use a police car like it was a fucking CAB??

RiddleMeThis: You missed the perfect opportunity for an 'ACAB' joke.

SignalOfficial: Damn it… can’t believe you’re out of custody already

TheBetterCanary: bold of you to assume we were ever in custody

~

TimDrakeWayne: Sometimes I wonder whether I’ve seen Canary at cosplay shops before and just not recognized her

TheBetterCanary: it isnt cosplay its acting

TimDrakeWayne: And where do you get your costumes

TheBetterCanary: alright everyone socialist uprising time its time to eat the rich especially this guy

TimDrakeWayne: Please don’t, I probably don’t taste good

~

TheBetterCanary: watching a furry get beat up like damn but its kinda his fault for going out in a fursuit

TheBetterCanary: i cant believe this is what im getting cancelled over and not the millions of times i helped out villains

TheBetterCanary: oh so now everyone cares about the villain thing wow i see how it is

TheBetterCanary: im a gothamite this is literally a joke about all the fursuits that the vigilantes and rogues have i dont care about actual furries damn

TheBetterCanary: twitter unverified me over this im going to commit a murder

~

TheBetterCanary: going to start calling villains i dont like by the wrong name to annoy them

TheBetterCanary: called penguin a cuckoo and he really acted like i was stigmatizing mental illness like bitch i am mental illness

TheBetterCanary: okay apparently blockbuster really misses disco he just burst into tears in front of me what do i do

TheBetterCanary: called joker jack and he freaked and tried to shoot me

TheBetterCanary: i have given up calling them the wrong names

~

TheBetterCanary: hey @/RiddleMeThis and @/ScareCrane marry each other and claim me as a dependant

ScareCrane: I mean… sure but why

TheBetterCanary: tax benefits

RiddleMeThis: You’re so right. Meet me in an hour.

Yummmmmm: I hate to be a buzzkill but, if you’re going to commit marriage fraud, maybe don’t announce it on a public platform

TheBetterCanary: maybe dont be a snitch and mind your own business damn

Yummmmmm: Your job is literally being a snitch and not minding your own business

TheBetterCanary: yeah but when i do it its in the cool sexy way

~

TheBetterCanary: props to the guy that tried to pull an updog on me the other day he definitely had some guts

TheOneTrueRobin: What is “updog”?

TheBetterCanary: oh honey i am so sorry

SpoilerAlert: nothing whats up with you

Daylightwing: Nothing wbu?

Oracle: Are we going to pretend that Canary didn’t definitely harvest organs from that guy?

SignalOfficial: Nothing much whats up with you

~

TheBetterCanary: @/TheOneTrueRobin hey i need help with a math problem can you come here

TheOneTrueRobin: I suppose so.

TheOneTrueRobin: She was setting up a sniper gun.

TheBetterCanary: to be fair theres angles involved

Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin You didn’t help her, correct?

Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin?

~ 

GothamGazette: Joker gets shot in the hand! 

Batman7: Well, at least she didn’t kill anyone, I guess.

Joker: THERE IS A FUCKING HOLE IN MY PALM.

TheBetterCanary: i was aiming for your middle finger if that makes you feel any better

Joker: YKNOW IT REALLY FUCKING DOESNT.

~

SignalOfficial: Holy shit @/TheBetterCanary do you seriously have a Nokia

TheBetterCanary: fuck off im tired of my phones breaking while i fight

TheBetterCanary: or better yet donate to a gofundme to get me a better phone

~

TheBetterCanary: the quickest way to my heart is through someone elses

Batman7: Please stop encouraging people to commit murder.

TheBetterCanary: no

~

Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary Stop pulling the racism card at every minor inconvenience challenge

TheBetterCanary: is this sexism that i am experiencing

TheBetterCanary: do i sense a bit of homophobia here

TheBetterCanary: look at this ableist bitch

SignalOfficial: Honestly @/Yummmmmm you played yourself here

SpoilerAlert: gee bill how come your mom lets you have four minorities

TheBetterCanary: ive got a punchcard and if i collect five minorities i get one get out of jail free card

Oracle: @/TheBetterCanary Wait. Ableism?

TheBetterCanary: what about me screams mentally stable to you

~

TheBetterCanary: penguin feels homophobic but you didnt hear it from me

RiddleMeThis: He isn’t. Trust me.

TheBetterCanary: hey what does this mean

TheBetterCanary: ed

TheBetterCanary: ed pick up the fucking phone

~

TheBetterCanary: this is now a riddler hate account

RiddleMeThis: I was 30! And mentally ill!

TheBetterCanary: as if you arent mentally ill now

TheBetterCanary: anyways @/ScareCrane congrats on winning youve got adoption rights

ScareCrane: As happy as I am… what happened

RiddleMeThis: She found out I dated Penguin fifteen years ago.

TheBetterCanary: im never forgiving you for this

TheBetterCanary: @/RiddleMeThis did you just throw a burlap sack full of money at my window

RiddleMeThis: Depends. Is it working?

TheBetterCanary: ooooo nonsequential serial numbers my favorite

TheBetterCanary: yeah youre back in the game

ScareCrane: DAMN IT

~

TheBetterCanary: ugh why is riddler so annoying

Gothamlite: Right?

TheBetterCanary: the fuck did you just say ill kill you

~

TheBetterCanary: reading self insert fanfiction about yourself is self care actually

TheBetterCanary: im thirsting over black bat on my first page glad to see they nailed my characterization

TheBetterCanary: how did they manage to find the one trauma i dont actually have like dude you were standing five feet in front of the target and you shot straight up what

TheBetterCanary: kissed a mirror to simulate kissing myself and let me say im not as good a kisser as i was in the fic

TheBetterCanary: if im screwing me is it masturbation or clone fucking

TheBetterCanary: theyre moving in together after three months its always great to see good lesbian representation

TheBetterCanary: im taking myself on a shopping spree and honestly good for me

TheBetterCanary: haha wait a minute why are there death flags

TheBetterCanary: i missed major character death in the tags hlep

Yummmmmm: Rip

~

SpoilerAlert: happy two year anniversary to the time canary and red robin dressed up as each other for halloween and almost ruined each other’s reputation in opposite ways

TheBetterCanary: im still offended you guys think that im secretly a good person

Yummmmmm: At least they don’t think you’d turn evil at the drop of a hat

DeadHood: To be fair, out of every Rogue and Vigilante, you two are the most likely to switch sides.

TheBetterCanary: fucks that supposed to mean

Yummmmmm: Go back to angsting over Percy Jackson not being as good as it used to be or something fuck you

TheBetterCanary: harry potter and the audacity of this bitch

Yummmmmm: As if you aren’t so in the middle that most people don’t know which side you’re on half the time

TheBetterCanary: you literally died and came back dont you talk about switching sides

~

SpoilerAlert: @/TheBetterCanary how did you get verified

TheBetterCanary: threats

SpoilerAlert: oh cool thanks for the tip

~

Batman7: @/TheBetterCanary Did any of my children visit your home last night for medical assistance?

TheBetterCanary: transfer me five thousand and ill tell you

Batman7: Done.

TheBetterCanary: nice

TheBetterCanary: anyways the answer is no they did not

~

TheBetterCanary: ew nightwing is in town for thanksgiving *liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: @/RiddleMeThis do you still have that red wig or no

RiddleMeThis: You are not convincing me to try and seduce Nightwing.

GothamGazette: Nightwing spotted getting decked by what was obviously Riddler in a red wig! See the attached article for pictures!

Daylightwing: I mean. It wasn’t THAT obvious.

~

Yummmmmm: Gotta love when all of your POC friends gang up on you try and get you to say the word

Daylightwing: What word? I don’t know any words.

TheBetterCanary: cmon red answer the question we wont tell anyone

TheOneTrueRobin: We know you want to say it.

SignalOfficial: It’s fun I’ll even say it first if it makes you feel better

Yummmmmm: @/BlackBat Help

BlackBat: @/Daylightwing @/TheBetterCanary @/TheOneTrueRobin @/SignalOfficial

TheBetterCanary: scatter

~

TheBetterCanary: sometimes i remember that theres probably a huge database where the bats keep track of and analyze every tweet we rogues make and it makes me smile

TheBetterCanary: anyways

TheBetterCanary: contrary to popular opinion there is a difference between being a slut and having a lot of sex

TheBetterCanary: nightwing is a slut that is relatively monogamous *liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: batman has ungodly amounts of sex in the worst places imaginable but no one would ever call him a slut

TheBetterCanary: thank you for coming to my ted talk

~

TheBetterCanary: we rogues and bats need a token straight so the straights dont get mad so who is gonna take the fall for us

Yummmmmm: They can have Joker, we don’t want him

TheBetterCanary: nah i dont want to know who he would fixate on if he liked women so someone else

RiddleMeThis: The straights can have Penguin.

TheBetterCanary: no i dont want him to have straight privilege

SignalOfficial: I’ll take one for the team

TheBetterCanary: this is why youre the best

~

RiddleMeThis: Has anyone ever wondered why @/ScareCrane hasn’t used a truth serum to figure out Batman’s identity yet? Because there’s a reason.

ScareCrane: I don’t deserve this…

RiddleMeThis: @/TheBetterCanary Do you want to do the honors of telling the public or should I?

TheBetterCanary: hahahaha oh right i remember that let me

TheBetterCanary: while it compels people to tell the truth it doesnt force them to tell them the answer

TheBetterCanary: so batman just ranted about his most recent hyperfixation for five hours until red robin showed up to help

SpoilerAlert: what was he hyperfixated on at the time lmao

ScareCrane: Sprinklers…

Yummmmmm: They were practically begging me to take them to Arkham by the end

Batman7: You three didn’t like the conversation we had?

BlackBat: @/RiddleMeThis @/ScareCrane @/TheBetterCanary

RiddleMeThis: It was very enlightening.

ScareCrane: It was actually very enjoyable

TheBetterCanary: ive always wanted to know about sprinklers

BlackBat: :)

~

MarryMeCanary: So since Canary knows a lot about shipping… do you guys think she has a tumblr?

TheBetterCanary: everyone should be glad i dont the only thing keeping me from going absolutely feral is the fact that i dont want to get banned on twitter

~

TheBetterCanary: every year i say this is the last year that im going to help my fellow rogues file their taxes for extra cash and every year im a liar please pay me money

User44555511552: Are we going to talk about how Rogues are literal SERIAL KILLERS but they still file taxes??? Because that shit is weird???

TheBetterCanary: there are two things that rogues fear

TheBetterCanary: the irs and the goon union

TheBetterCanary: yes i know they should have called it the goonion its not my fault they cant name things damn stop spamming me

User44555511552: But WHY are you scared of the IRS???

Yummmmmm: Because they can’t get off with insanity pleas so, hypothetically, they might actually have to face some kind of punishment for their crimes

~

TheBetterCanary: i should have called the cps on @/Batman7 when i had the chance

~

Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary What did you do to piss of Ra’s

TheBetterCanary: who

TheBetterCanary: oh wait youre talking about old man number two

Yummmmmm: Nevermind I think I figured it out

TheOneTrueRobin: Old man number two?

TheBetterCanary: he and one other guy are both way over three hundred which makes them old men and i met him second therefore hes number two

TheBetterCanary: tell him that if he wants to be old man number one then he can always kill the guy

TheOneTrueRobin: I highly doubt that it is the numbering that has irritated him.

TheOneTrueRobin: I stand corrected. He wishes for a name.

TheBetterCanary: check your dms it should be between the video of the dog wearing booties for the first time and the picture of the pig in a teapot

TheOneTrueRobin: I have located it. That is a very generic name, and likely an alias, but thank you.

~

BernieDowd: @/TheBetterCanary what do you think about people that think that the Waynes are the bats?

TheBetterCanary: honestly every argument is super flimsy

BernieDowd: what about the bruises on the Wayne men?

TheBetterCanary: have you seen the kinds of women that theyre into

TheBetterCanary: if they arent into some shit id release my actual name to the public

TheBetterCanary: lmao the wayne legal team is trying to sue me for slander

TheBetterCanary: its not slander if its true babes

~

TheBetterCanary: @/DeadHood always gets credit for being the most committed to the bit because he wears a second mask under his helmet but @/Janus manages to find every set of twins in gotham for every job without fail so really i think hes the most devoted rogue

~

RiddleMeThis: I’m starting to believe that the only reason @/TheBetterCanary is still alive is that she has so much sheer audacity that no one knows how to react.

ScareCrane: She looked Batman dead in the eye during a lecture and said “And what’re you going to do if I do it again? Kill me? Didn’t think so”... so, yeah, that’s probably it

Yummmmmm: The first time I tried to fight her she asked if I had taken pole dancing lessons in preparation for using my bo

Catwomnyan: She helped me rob a store at gunpoint and then revealed to me that the gun she was using was just a prop because she had forgotten the real one at home

DeadHood: I stopped genuinely trying to catch her when I watched her give a guy sunglasses, say “You’re going to need this!”, and then light his house on fire. I asked what he did to deserve it. Apparently, he “booped her nose”.

PoisonIvy: She chugged an entire glass of poisoned wine and then asked penguin how he managed to get his hands on it because it tasted really good ❤️

Janus: She got called into court for a civil suit. I offered to be her lawyer. She refused because she had apparently been in Mock Trial in high school. She said she had failed the course, and hardly remembered anything, but was prepared to wing it. She managed to win the case.

Batman7: She once provided me with an itemized list as to why she should be allowed to commit murder. Items 1-57 and 59-101 were all “I’m hot”. Item 58 was simply “Joker”.

~

Penguin: Canary says she’s not a bitch but if someone paid her ten dollars I bet she would bark like a dog

TheBetterCanary: when have i ever said im not a bitch

~

TheBetterCanary: i want money so im now taking sponsors

Yummmmmm: That’s not going to work, no one wants to sponsor a rogue

TheBetterCanary: youre right

TheBetterCanary: im now taking antisponsors where i promote your competitors so they look bad

Daylightwing: Preeeeeetty sure thats illegal

TheBetterCanary: i will ponder the legality and morality of what i am doing over a refreshing can of doctor pepper

~

TheBetterCanary: nightwing is the type of guy to make pancakes with the scrambled egg method and then cry when it doesnt work

Daylightwing: Get out of my safehouse

~

TheBetterCanary: hey @/ScareCrane can i vent to you

ScareCrane: Of course

ScareCrane: The motherfucker came out of the vents

TheBetterCanary: i literally warned you

~

TheOneTrueRobin: @/TheBetterCanary and @/SignalOfficial, please refrain from calling my mother a “MILF” from now on.

SignalOfficial: We only speak the truth

TheBetterCanary: tell her to stop being a milf if youre so concerned about it

~

TheOneTrueRobin: Canary is a lot less threatening when she dramatically whips out a contract, only to give herself a papercut and then cry for five whole minutes.

TheBetterCanary: fuck you youre paying extra

~

TheBetterCanary: i know im the number one nightwing hater and all *Liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: but i can respect someone who regularly butchers the english language

Daylightwing: It is very dumb.

TheBetterCanary: the fact that it exists is a hate crime against me personally

SpoilerAlert: not what a hate crime is

TheBetterCanary: oh yeah white girl tell me all about hate crimes id love to hear your take

SpoilerAlert: on second thought you’re good

TheBetterCanary: thats what i fucking thought

~

SignalOfficial: @/TheBetterCanary What is this shit are you fucking serious oh my god

TheBetterCanary: youre going to have to be more specific than that but im going to go off on a limb here and say probably not

SignalOfficial: Why is there a bird in Scarecrow’s cell

TheBetterCanary: oh that

SignalOfficial: Don’t “oh that” me what the fuck is this

TheBetterCanary: do i really have to spell it out for you

TheBetterCanary: thats not just any type of bird its a crane and it turns out the local zookeepers have a pretty dark sense of humor

SignalOfficial: Fuck

TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 Father…

Batman7: No.

TheOneTrueRobin: Where is your Christmas spirit?

Batman7: You are Muslim. I am Jewish.

TheBetterCanary: aw @/TheOneTrueRobin if you join my side ill let you keep the bird

TheOneTrueRobin: I will consider the offer and get back to you within five to six business days.

Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin Fine. You can keep Jonathan the Crane, but he is not allowed in the cave.

TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 I agree to your terms. @/TheBetterCanary I regret to inform you that I must decline your offer.

TheBetterCanary: @/TheOneTrueRobin happy holidays kid dont say i never do anything for you

Batman7: Damn it.

~

TheBetterCanary: best idea for a prank is to give your enemies a completely normal shirt for christmas and watch them suffer as they try to figure out what you did to it

Penguin: Maybe don’t post your plans on a public platform

TheBetterCanary: that shirt looks great on you

TheBetterCanary: part two of the prank is to say that its fine in front of them so they put it on to spite you and then get chicken pox

~

TheBetterCanary: sometimes i forget how starved shippers are for content and then i see someone shipping me with robin because i didnt kill him when i could have and im like oh yeah right

~

GothamGazette: DNA found on a headless body in Park Row confuses scientists!

SpoilerAlert: no head *breaks skateboard*

Batman7: Someone is dead.

TheBetterCanary: it was a skateboard breaking of mourning

~

France24: Hawkmoth was just found dead in his cell!

TheRealLadybug: @/ChatonNoir told you ed would follow through you owe me a dollar

ChatonNoir: Wild

ChatonNoir: Wait when did he kill him we just saw him yesterday

TheRealLadybug: how about we chalk it up to the power of love hahaha

TheLadyBlog: LADYBUG YOU’RE ALIVE?!

TheRealLadybug: nah it turns out that hell has really good wifi

~

TheBetterCanary: @/Penguin youre not a girlboss youre a boyemployee

SignalOfficial: @/Staff I am begging you guys to just ban her already

~

Batman: okay my fellow gothamites were going to have a purge kind of situation in a couple of days to see if it actually reduces crime throughout the rest of the year feel free to commit crimes none of us bats will arrest you i promise

Batman7: Canary. Please stop. I said I was sorry.

Batman: shut up youre probably balding

Yummmmmm: What did he do

Batman: got me banned so now i have to use this account

Yummmmmm: I’ll unban you

Batman: okay but im not taking back the tweets

~

TheBetterCanary: i hate trying on new clothes the stuff i like never fits

TheBetterCanary: im too short to be a slut

BlackBat: :(

User223584125153: Fatherless behavior

TheBetterCanary: yknow i was gonna give a proper response but then i realized i dont have to

TheBetterCanary: @/Scarecrane @/RiddleMeThis get his ass

Daylightwing: @/Batman7

TheBetterCanary: i resent that but also @/Batman7 beat him uppppp

~

TheBetterCanary: nightwing fightwing for whats rightwing *Liked by Daylightwing*

Daylightwing: Feel the need to clarify that just because I Liked this doesn’t mean I liked it.

TheBetterCanary: go crywing

~

TheBetterCanary: i live in constant shame that nothing i ever say will ever be as funny as two face when he called bruce wayne a dumb slut on live tv

~

TheBetterCanary: it looks like some dumbass has decided to kidnap alfred pennyworth so its time to take bets

RiddleMeThis: Oh! $50 says Pennyworth kills them!

TheBetterCanary: cheap and lame but fine

Yummmmmm: Seven hundred says we’ll get there in time

TheBetterCanary: lmao alright

Catwomnyan: Exactly 180 on Bruce Wayne finally snapping and going on a rampage.

TheBetterCanary: nice nice id pay to see that

Penguin: The Wayne luck is going to kick in and he’s going to get out without even trying

TheBetterCanary: fuck you you arent allowed to play

TheBetterCanary: wait how much are you betting

Penguin: 1k

TheBetterCanary: welcome to the game

DeadHood: 15 cents says I’ll get to them first and put a bullet in their head.

TheBetterCanary: and i thought ed was cheap but whatever good luck with that

TheBetterCanary: huh

TheBetterCanary: it seems that there was a secret other option where the dumbass apparently follows me and decided to let alfred go

ScareCrane: So… who wins then

TheBetterCanary: me pay up bitches

~

TheBetterCanary: if one more person asks what my body count is i swear they will be added to the number

~

TheBetterCanary: im bored im gonna start gaslighting people about things they already know now

TheBetterCanary: like what are people gonna do if i say im chinese after all these years i can just pull the racism card if they disagree this plan is foolproof

Daylightwing: But you ARE chinese.

TheBetterCanary: of course i am we all know this

~

Supes: I don’t see why Batman has such a hard time defeating the Rogues. Most of them don’t even have powers.

TheBetterCanary: yes we do

Supes: You do? What are they?

TheBetterCanary: being annoying

RiddleMeThis: Being annoying.

ScareCrane: Being annoying

Janus: Being annoying.

Joker: BEING ANNOYING

PoisonIvy: Being annoying 💖

Batman7: @/PoisonIvy You literally have powers.

Catwomnyan: Being annoying.

~

TheBetterCanary: people ask me how im so relaxed around rogues and vigilantes all the time and i just gotta say

TheBetterCanary: first of all bold of you to assume im ever relaxed

TheBetterCanary: second of all all these bitches are like one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown i aint scared of them

SpoilerAlert: true 😔

ScareCrane: True…

Yummmmmm: True

Penguin: Hate to agree with Canary, but true

Penguin: What the fuck

Penguin: @/TheBetterCanary did you really just attack me outside an ice cream shop to try and make me drop my ice cream cone

TheBetterCanary: wasnt me but i wish it was that sounds hilarious

Penguin: Bullshit, I saw your face

TheBetterCanary: i dont know what to tell you man maybe youve been thinking about me too much and hallucinated me or something

TheBetterCanary: i already said in the discord server that im stuck inside for the foreseeable future you dumb bitch

DeadHood: Wait a minute… the server is still active? I thought you guys said that you were deleting it because it was compromised…

PoisonIvy: 😬

~

JuliusDay: there’s a discord server? why am i not on it?

TheBetterCanary: its to make sure we dont get caught up in each others attacks no one is scared of you

JuliusDay: i’d still like to know when your attacks will be…

TheBetterCanary: lol

FiendlyFyre: Why am I not on it?

TheBetterCanary: you were dead until like a week ago let me add you back

MadAsAHatter: And me

TheBetterCanary: no

TheBetterCanary: and for the record @/Tweedlesdeeanddum you arent getting in either no one likes you wonderland bitches

Tweedlesdeeanddum: we didn’t even do anything

TheBetterCanary: fuck you

~

TheBetterCanary: i fell for the mark oh my god im a cliche fuck

SignalOfficial: TALON????

TheBetterCanary: yeah the bird mask really does something for me

TheBetterCanary: dumbass

~

TheBetterCanary: my legal team has asked me yet again to tell you guys that nothing i say here is serious and should not be used in a court of law

Yummmmmm: You have a legal team

TheBetterCanary: not really but sometimes ill tweet something incriminating and two face will break into one of my safehouses and yell at the camera

RiddleMeThis: I see we have competition @/Scarecrane.

ScareCrane: … I see… a temporary truce, then

Janus: Please. I don’t want her.

RiddleMeThis: Why not? She’s awesome.

ScareCrane: You’d be lucky to have the right to adopt her

Janus: Somehow I think I’ve made this worse for myself.

Janus: @/TheBetterCanary Help me.

TheBetterCanary: no this is peak entertainment

~

Yummmmmm: Canary is sick, I will ask her to impart some wisdom upon us

TheBetterCanary: nif e

DeadHood: She has spoken.

~

Yummmmmm: Sickness update – Canary is currently very loudly complaining about how red hair isn’t really red so I think she’ll live

~

TheBetterCanary: thought red robin was decent until he told me he thought nightwing and oracle are the best nightwing ship

Yummmmmm: They’re a classic

TheBetterCanary: so was slavery bitch nightwing is way cuter with starfire

Daylightwing: Do I get a say in this?

TheBetterCanary: no fuck off

Yummmmmm: Yeah this ain’t about you

Daylightwing: It literally is?

~

TheBetterCanary: batman and bruce wayne should date so they can combine their hoards of kids

BernieDowd: bold of you to assume that bruce isn’t already batman’s sugar daddy.

TheBetterCanary: youre so right i am so sorry

~

TheBetterCanary: that super relatable moment when you have to dismantle a system that has benefited you for years

BlackBat: :(

TheBetterCanary: at least i get to put calendar man to shame on one of his favorite days

BlackBat: :D

Batman7: What are you planning to do and how?

TheBetterCanary: like id tell you youd just stop me

SpoilerAlert: ten bucks says she’s gonna do a murder

SignalOfficial: Man, I just finished my shift, too

~

TheBetterCanary: Hey guys Im not actually Canary but shes letting me borrow her account to make a fun little announcement anonymously

TheBetterCanary: Ive compiled a list of every Court member in Gotham that @/TheBetterCanary @/107kidsncounting and I knew about along with all of the proof we could gather over a month long period

TheBetterCanary: Here you go shorturl.at/hMW27 enjoy the hitlist everyone

107kidsncounting: im going to kill you i didnt spend hours finding proof for you fuckers just to get fucking rickrolled in fucking 2022

TheBetterCanary: Okay okay sorry mom lmao here’s the actual link shorturl.at/BKOR1

~

Gothamlite: This feels like a trap. Why would Canary hurt the Court when she benefits from corrupt systems?

TheBetterCanary: well you see the thing is i enjoy this thing called being alive

~

TheOneTrueRobin: @/TheBetterCanary, @/RiddleMeThis, @/ScareCrane, and their other evil friend are all laughing maniacally. They will not stop. It has been ten minutes.

107kidsncounting: try hitting one of them

TheOneTrueRobin: They’re laughing harder now.

107kidsncounting: yea lol

TheOneTrueRobin: I should have read the username.

107kidsncounting: probably lmao tell the kids i say hi

TheOneTrueRobin: Fine.

TheOneTrueRobin: They told me to tell you “👍”.

~

TheBetterCanary: hey idiot where are you

TheBetterCanary: I got stabbed lol

TheBetterCanary: oh lol

ScareCrane: This is not a lol matter you two

TheBetterCanary: Lol

TheBetterCanary: lol

TheBetterCanary: also i knew you were still using my account get off you bitch

~

TheBetterCanary: nothing is more painful when you send your friend a meme and they tell you theyve already seen it

DeadHood: You kicked me in the dick less than five hours ago.

TheBetterCanary: it’s what it’s

Daylightwing: The one time you use proper grammar and its for THIS.

SignalOfficial: You are a menace to society

~

DeadHood: Sometimes I think about grabbing Canary by the ankles and flipping her upside down to see how many knives fall out of her clothes.

TheBetterCanary: you could just ask

DeadHood: Would you lie?

TheBetterCanary: i mean sure but youd get further away from the knives you want to know about so badly quicker if youre not actively touching me when i get them out

~

TheBetterCanary: out of gotham for the first time in ages and i hate it it feels weird where is the crime

SpoilerAlert: be the change you want to see in the world

TheBetterCanary: youre so right bestie

TheBetterCanary: alright who snitched to superman

Supes: I thought you were kidding about the cross thing.

~

TheBetterCanary: i sent a lois lane x superman fic to clark kent as an april fools joke and he was super sweet about it and said i had talent as a writer so mr kent if you see this im sorry

~

TheBetterCanary: in this thread i will give absolute proof that the bats and the waynes are the same

TheBetterCanary: bruce and batman both have an ungodly amount of kids like bruce even managed to find another kid despite all of the orphanages getting bombed this year thats some devotion

TheBetterCanary: richard and nightwing are both traitors that moved to bludhaven enough said

*Liked by Daylightwing*

TheBetterCanary: barbara gordon is oracle because they both scare me

TheBetterCanary: i will not joke about the death of jason todd his passing was a tragedy that still affects gotham to this day

TheBetterCanary: tason jodd however is totally red hood i mean who else could be that dorito shaped

TheBetterCanary: cassandra and black bat could both beat my ass and i would thank them

TheBetterCanary: timothy and red robin both have a sickly victorian boy vibe to them

TheBetterCanary: stephanie and spoiler both appreciate riddler and i can appreciate that

TheBetterCanary: duke and signal are both the token and the best of all of their families

TheBetterCanary: damian and robin both have way too many fucking pets like they could work together and form a zoo and i dont think anything would even be missing

TheBetterCanary: honorary mention to the butts match of course

~

TheBetterCanary: fuck i forgot that it was eds turn to cook

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane please bring some mcdonalds home please

RiddleMeThis: When I found you, you regularly went dumpster diving for food.

TheBetterCanary: doesnt mean i dont have standards

~

RiddleMeThis: @/ScareCrane Remember when @/TheBetterCanary heard someone yell about how “she has a strap!” and complained about how they shouldn’t “have that stuff out in public”, only to turn around and realize it was a gun?

TheBetterCanary: im still not sorry for implying your food is worse than literal trash

~

Canaryfanclub: please i just want her to date me

TheBetterCanary: sorry i dont know if my boyfriend would like that

Canaryfanclub: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND??????

TheBetterCanary: unfortunately his swagless charm has captivated me

~

TheBetterCanary: fuck the stupid fucking bats infected me with their even stupider fucking morals oh my god

DeadHood: Weak. I’ve been resisting for years. It took you, what, a couple of months around them to fall for their morals?

TheBetterCanary: im going to blow up your base

DeadHood: In Minecraft or in real life?

DeadHood: Fuck. It was Minecraft.

DeadHood: I spent hours making that mansion!

TheBetterCanary: trust me i know

~

TheBetterCanary: @/BrucieWayne i have your kids

BrucieWayne: What do you want for them?

TheBetterCanary: donate half a billion to arkham reforms

BrucieWayne: Oh no. I have no choice but to meet her demands.

~

TheBetterCanary: vigilantes dont want you to know this but muscles actually dont constantly look like that unless youre constantly flexing and they definitely dont show through layers of kevlar

TheBetterCanary: which means that they choose to have abs on their costumes

TheBetterCanary: i can hear the fangirls crying from here

~

TheBetterCanary: lol

Yummmmmm: Oh god what did you do

TheBetterCanary: dont worry about it

Batman7: Where is Joker?

TheBetterCanary: he tripped and fell into a pocket dimension and i cant get him out but dont worry i got him one of those gerbil water feeders and some chips so hell live

Batman7: That doesn’t sound like an accident.

TheBetterCanary: never said it was one

~~~~~

(Back to Canary Masterlist)

[pocketramblr]

An au where for some reason or another ttim fakes his death after Robin or runs away cause to him his job to done he helped batman move past his grief from Jason and the batfam have to track him down

Lol I love fics that use Tim feeling more like a temporary employee in a family business more than an actual son.

1- no, Tim is not too smart to do this. Case in similar point, the fake uncle thing. Tim has been here to help keep Batman together, and now he sees Bruce lighter, working together better with his family. He's got Cass now, and Dick, and Babs and Alfred. He's used to really protecting Gotham on his own, when Robin is with YJ. He's even trying to figure out this whole Jason alive thing. So now Robin can quit.

2- Tim figures he doesn't need to put in two weeks notice because New Jersey is an at-will state. He is however strategic about how he goes about leaving, since a sudden Robin disappearance could be a bad shock to Gotham's system and he doesn't want to not say bye to his friends. He tells YJ that he'll be on a family trip for a while. He leaves his Robin suit behind, with all his tech, and his too-risky to carry as a civilian phone, and a note... While B was in space on a mission

3- he lives on his own, in a safer but not great part of Gotham. He skateboards to his new school where he joined the yearbook club to get practice taking pictures, he meets up with Ives and Bernard on the weekends, he gets a part time job at a 24 hr breakfast joint-

Where he sees Steph. Who is, in this AU, in her "Batman Faked My Death To Protect Me Era"

They have a lot to catch up with each other on.

4- the Batfam has been looking for him since B got back and found the note, and they're getting closer. Tim feels watched, and Steph feels the same. Worried it's someone after them because of their old connection to Wayne or Black Mask or something, they ditch their current location- and phones- and move again just to be safe.

Tim's phone on the table rings with a call from Bruce fourty seconds after he closes the apartment door for the last time. Twelve minutes later, Cass beats B inside to find no one there.

5- it is, because of course you must maximize drama in comic aus, Jason who finds Tim and Steph first.

He demands to know "Why Dickhead thought I kidnapped you a month ago and Oracle's been stalking me more than normal?" then immediately realizes he recognizes Steph, who gets a fist bump for messing with Black Mask. Then he asks "Wait, hold on, is this an elopement? Did you elope? Because I'll support it to mess with Bats, but Brown, really, you could do so much better."

After Steph agrees and assures that's not what this is, Tim explains that he quit being Robin because B was better, and he had no idea they were looking for him.

Jason "I did not die for this" Todd does not compute. Tim's further attempts to explain just frustrate him more, so he just tosses a phone he knows Babs has tapped and tells him to explain that himself, then walks out to go home and enjoy some beer and book and not deal with this family nonsense.

[whetstonefires]

whetstone/kieron fic hype post

joining the throng of people incited by @jerseydevious​ to talk ourselves up against our natural inclinations, here i go. 😅

Gonna stick with DC because that’s jersey’s bailiwick and I have 100 exactly of these on AO3 presently, though over half of them are in my Earth-3 series, and thus pretty niche. Popular multi-chap fics include:

The Till-Then From the Ever-Since, a Batman-and-all-Robins fic with lots of fluff and family drama and people being judged by their 13-year-old selves.

Pretty long and still, slowly, updating. Started as a challenge to myself but got a gratifying response and is just a lot of fun.

All The Roofs Of Uncertainty, a completed Jason Todd longfic drawing heavily on as much pre-Flashpoint continuity as I could pack in there. Starts with Jason getting a heavily injured Dick medical care and spirals into intense character development and hashing-out of issues, but not with Dick because he’s unconscious the whole time.

Wrote this one to channel all my Jason Todd feelings, and satisfy my need for a reconciliation fic where nothing gets swept under the rug to fester.

we’ll burn like fireflies, ongoing fic for which the working title was ‘the one where bruce and jason are the same age,’ though actually Jason is several months older, and launches into a career as protective brother figure by stabbing Joe Chill.

shorter fics include:

count the beats of leather wings, a fic starring Jim Gordon that plays with placing more modern characterization back in the original WWII era, after Bruce Wayne’s draft number comes up.

their faces turned to sunset, first in a series set in an alt future timeline where Carrie Kelley is Robin and the Oracle is an AI that insists it isn’t Barbara Gordon.

the tune without the words, in which Jim Gordon goes out for a drink and runs into a young man who’s clearly dealing with some trauma.

Things Fall Apart, a Dick Grayson angst followed by fluff piece with Bruce and Tim written for fuyu.

The Center Cannot Hold its spiritual companion, featuring Tim hitting a breaking point and Bruce trying to backtrack and be supportive.

Flash and Substance, one of my first DC fics, a humor fic set very roughly in the DCAU wherein the premise is technically that Flash has been turned into a girl, but the joke is that Bruce Wayne is Batman.

And Other Hazards of Heroism, in which Superman is a good and also pushy friend, Batman is a grouch, and I borrow a joke from Holy Musical Batman.

Talon Tomorrow, a character-exploration fic set in the technically canon timeline wherein Tim Drake is Batman and a different Tim Drake is dating the Joker.

(nothing new) under the earth or sky, in which the fact that Alfred technically did the basic plot of Under the Hood like 40 years earlier is treated as still canon, and he and Jason talk.

Wheel and Blade, a little relationship study of Damian and Dick set as Dick was leaving Batman, a period canon just sort of skated over.

grasp of ice, a fic originally on tumblr in response to kuppatan’s prompt for Tim & Damian unironic hand-holding. Damian pov of trying to stop Tim freezing to death under complicated supervillain-related circumstances and also the lake is full of bombs.

[assortedfruitsnacks212]

I miss you, Tumblr! + Life update on stuff and things

Heyyyyy everyone. I figured it was high time I made a proper post talking about, well, everything that’s happened since I stopped posting so much. I don’t like that I disappeared - this site was where I discovered Reylo and made some truly awesome friends. So I want to stick around, you know? And I do hope to come back more often from now on. It’s just hard juggling so many social media platforms...

But ANYWAY. I promised an update, so here we go.

1. I’m moving across the country!

That’s right ladies and gents, I’m fleeing the New Jersey coop for my old hometown of Huntsville, AL. 

Why, you ask? Well, Huntsville is very much a city of the future. As the home of NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center (where they built the Saturn V rockets!) Huntsville has earned the well-deserved moniker "Rocket City USA." It's also undergoing a huge economic boom, which has led to a thriving arts community.

New Jersey? Eh.

I'm tired of just treading water and not making headway toward my dreams. I’ll talk about those dreams a bit more in this post. Needless to say, they’re very, very important to me.

So I'm not settling anymore. In August/September, I'm packing up shop and heading down south. It's the start of something new, and I can’t wait.

2. I started a Patreon for my passion project, and it’s going well <3

My passion project, The Oracle Fragment, has been the one thing I’ve returned to over and over again for the past 10+ years. Late last year I decided to step up my commitment by starting a Patreon. I’ve only done a soft launch so far, and I’m already at 38 Patrons :) It’s been a rewarding month!

My official launch is scheduled for Wednesday, February 27. I’ll be celebrating with a Twitch stream with fun games, sketch requests, and maybe a little giveaway ;) The stream starts at 9pm EST. Let me know if you want to come - as you know, I take Reylo requests ;)

3. I’ve returned to my roots: pencil drawing!

A friend of mine convinced me to do some traditional drawing again, and I’m so glad he did. I’d forgotten how lovely it is to put pencil to paper. Also, I know I’m far better at it than I am at digital sketching. So I’m gonna let myself indulge a bit - and maybe even find a way to marry my pencil art TO my digital art. People do it all the time, I hear ;)

People who are waiting on commissions: if you want me to sketch your ideas traditionally, shoot me a message and let’s talk about it! If I do a pencil sketch for you, I can actually mail it to you OR to the friend of your choice. Shipping is free! (unless it’s international in which case we’ll discuss it) @reylorianlovechild @immortalpen @faithren @rebelrebelreylo @jesssssah

4. I’m putting my art in local stores

My favorite stores in Woodstown, Barney Loves Books and the Woodstown Coffee Shop and Bakery, have agreed to let me display my art on their premises. I’m REALLY excited and also a little overwhelmed :) I’m gonna start small, with just a basket of prints and originals... BUT who knows where it could go from here :) 

If you’re in the Woodstown area, come take a look sometime! Woodstown is about 40 minutes away from Philadelphia. As a bonus, we could even meet - just message me and we’ll go get coffee from the bakery!

5. I’m raising money for Star Wars Celebration

I bought Saturday passes for my husband and me some time ago. Now it’s time for me to either (A) raise the money for travel and lodging, or (B) sell the tickets to someone else. :p For a while I was leaning toward just selling them, but hell, it would be SO nice to go, if only for a day! So I’m going to give it a shot. Keep an eye out for commission openings (once my current ones are finished) and other cool stuff!

6. I’m doing more portrait work

Again, this is all because my friends and family convinced me to... BUT I’ve decided to make a whole-assed attempt at making my portrait work a thing. I’m printing up brochures to display with my art, and I’ve revamped my listings on Etsy.

Portraits are my strongest point, after all. There’s something about the human face that utterly enchants me, and people tell me I have the ability to capture the subject’s heart and soul on paper. I’ve decided to believe them. :)

If you’ve been thinking about commissioning a portrait of a friend, family member, or other loved one (including fictional loves *coughKylocough*), you can go to my Etsy here, or just message me here on Tumblr.

Speaking of Etsy...

7. I’m adding lots more stuff to my Etsy store

I haven’t done much with Etsy since last summer, and it’s time I fixed that. Over the weekend, I FINALLY added a print option for Elf lord Kylo Ren (!!), and I’m about to add merch for him, too. Oh, and I just ordered fine art prints of Elven Kylo and Hades and Persephone Reylo so I can put out hand-embellished versions of them!! That’s where I paint on the prints with gold or silver so they look extra shiny and pretty. You can see a pic of my embellished Art Nouveau Padme here.

Other plans I have for my Etsy: 

- add pillow inserts to my custom pillows - add MORE fanart - add MORE originals

If you have ideas for other things I can add to my Etsy, please let me know! Especially if it’s Reylo things ;) 

8. I’m starting a regular Twitch stream with an art/storytelling focus

I’ve wanted to be a Twitch streamer for a long time, but I could never figure out what to do, exactly. Just recently, inspiration hit me like a bolt of lightning:

I want my stream to be all about storytelling.

Life gets crazy, depressing, and devoid of magic sometimes. I want to bring a little of that magic back by creating an intentional space outside of daily life for imagination and exploration. Dreaming, brainstorming, chasing plot bunnies, painting, sketching, talking deep subjects, and playing games - these will all be welcome activities in my magic circle. So if that sounds good to you, come make magic with me <3

My inaugural stream will be Saturday, February 23 at noon EST. After that, I hope to stream at least 3 times a week in the afternoons.

---

As for Reylo stuff...

Believe me, though I’ve been absent from Tumblr, I’ve never, EVER stopped thinking about Reylo. And I haven’t forgotten about any of my ongoing Reylo fics and projects!

I’ll make a separate post about that, though. I’ve talked your ear off quite enough for one post ;)

I’ve missed you all. If the urge strikes you, PLEASE come and see hi. I’d love to hear from you!

@reylocalligraphy @reylo-convert @enjoyallneednothing-blog @raven-maiden @obsessivepropulsive @ever-so-reylo @monsterleadmehome @reylolujah @pacificwanderer @dreamsdescent @faequeentitania @thewayofthetrashcompactor @deafield @dvrkrey @reylotrashpiler @recklessdarkness @cosmo-gonika @aionimica @creationsvixen @collegefangirl3791 @inmyownidiom @midnightbluefox

[p-artsypants]

Fanfiction of 2018

My 2018 New Years Resolution was to make my archived word count on FanFiction.net to 1,000,000. Which would mean writing 250,000 words in one year.

I exceeded that goal by 23,841 words.

Once I took a step back to see what all I wrote, I was a little surprised! There were stories on there that I felt like I wrote at least two years ago. But no, I just pumped out that much.

This includes:

Aftermath- (Finished) Final Fantasy XV- It was the will of the Astrals that the line of Lucis continue. So Noctis wakes up with a sword in his chest. That's just the first in a series of roadblocks keeping him from his happy ending. One-shot 11,163 words

Requiem for Pitioss- (Unfinished) Final Fantasy XV- "O King. The god's have heard your cries. Know that we weep with you. The Oracle's calling has not yet been fulfilled. But…Lunafreya as you know her cannot return the way she was." Noctis looked up, hopeful. "But she can return!" Canon divergence from Chapter 9. Happy ending. Some spoilers. 12,591 words

The Dame and the Daemon- (Finished) Final Fantasy XV- The daemon had yet to attack, only turn her around in its claws. Luna panted as her heart hammered in her chest. It was studying her, curiosity in its haunting blue eyes. "...not like others..." it said with a familiar voice."...Noctis?" Scourge AU Two Shot 8,849 words

Arcadia or Bust- (Unfinished) Trollhunters- “Yeah, so mom…we made it to New Jersey, and we’re all safe...but the Heartstone isn’t really...impressive. So, we’re bringing what we found home. See you soon!” In Which Arcadia welcomes back it’s underground citizens. 38,006 words

Boy Toy- (Finished) How to Train Your Dragon- At the age of 21, Princess Astrid lawfully has to pick a husband. But when the perfect groom is nowhere to be found, she requests the toymaker to create one for her. It's safe to say that everyone in the kingdom is a little concerned. (Pinocchio!AU I guess?) 35,429 words

No, You Go First- (Unfinished?) How to Train Your Dragon- The Chief of Berk was a headstrong viking, stubborn and full of pride, and willing to do whatever it takes to keep his village safe. But for a moment, he puts that aside, and listens to his son. In which Hiccup convinces his dad not to make him go through Dragon Training, and the subsequent changes that follow. 11,886 words

In Due Time- (Finished) How to Train Your Dragon- As another illness sweeps through Berk, Gothi needs another ingredient for her medicine...one that doesn't exist anymore. Fortunately, she kept that old spell book around for such an occasion. Big Hiccup is sent to five years into the past, and his younger self sent to take his place in the future. But it's only a few days, what could go wrong? 16,304 words

Nine Lives- (Almost Finished) Miraculous Ladybug-When Adrien Agreste is scheduled to go to a Military School in Germany, Chat Noir must make a critical decision. Does he give up his Miraculous? Or does he give up Adrien? I'll save you the trouble of guessing, he gives up Adrien. 55,443 words

What a Mess We’re In- (Finished) Miraculous Ladybug- Ladybug has a lot on her mind, and when Chat Noir bugs her enough, she tells him she's going to confess to her Crush, Adrien Agreste. Chat's reaction is not what she's expecting. 2,856 words

Amalgam- (Finished) Miraculous Ladybug- When an young man is rejected for being ‘incompatible’ he turns into the akuma ‘Amalgam’ able to fuse two people together. And later Adrien and Marinette would debate if it was lucky or unlucky that they got hit. 4,939 words

Sing We All Noel- (Finished) Miraculous Ladybug- After receiving the worst Christmas present ever from his father, Chat Noir finds himself out on the streets with nowhere to go on Christmas Eve. Thankfully, Ladybug finds him and brings him home. 5,459 words.

And then I finished up:

320 State Street- How to Train Your Dragon- Gobber's Goods. A Hardware Store that was rumored to have everything you needed. She thought she only needed a job. Turns out, she needed a lot more than that. (A Modern AU no one asked for) 71,857 words

The North Tower- How to Train Your Dragon- When Finn Hofferson died, Astrid inherited his castle in Wales...and a whole lot more. Something sinister lurks in the North Tower. A (not so) short spooky story in time for halloween. 44,054 words.

Also this year, I got:

User Subscriptions: 39

Kudos: 2645

Comment Threads: 481

Bookmarks: 591

Subscriptions: 647

Word Count: 534378 (Because I transfered old fics over to Ao3)

Hits: 32650

In 2019, I don’t have any specific writing goals like I did last year, but I hope to finish Requiem for Pitioss, My Kingdom for a Heart, and Arcadia or Bust. It just depends on where my interest takes me. As well as my Fic to do list:

Thank you all for following me on this journey, and for all the comments, likes, and reblogs. Those are my primary motivators lol.

This year, I had another milestone. I graduated from college! I’m hoping this year will bring a job that I will enjoy, and further happiness in my relationship with my honeybear.

I hope you all had a nice New Years and here’s to a better 2019.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Oracle of Jersey

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Birds of Prey (Comics)

Summary: Barbara Gordon runs a podcast that results in six teenagers looking over a dead body.

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Barbara Gordon, Dinah Lance, Renee Montoya, Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe, Lori Zechlin, Wendy White, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Tim Drake, Ted Kord, Jean-Paul Valley, Dick Grayson, Helena Bertinelli, Zinda Blake

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Mentor Barbara Gordon, No Powers AU, Podcast AU, Murder Mystery

Chapter Two: Family Dinners & Flirtatious Texts

Barbara sat at the table, gluing tiny trees into a diorama with tweezers. "Tell me why I'm doing this for you again?" Barbara asked. Lori took pictures of Barbara from across the table. 

"Because you love me," Charlie replied. Barbara sighed and glued the small rooves to the tiny apartments. 

"You should use this picture for that dating profile you don't have," Lori joked. Barbara shushed her. “Wait… Do you have a dating profile?” 

“No, I don’t have a dating profile… Anymore,” Barbara mumbled. Lori’s eyes went wide while Charlie remained focused on the diorama. “Lori, can you at least pretend to work on this project with your sister?” 

“Don’t say we’re sisters,” Lori and Charlie replied simultaneously. 

“And yet,” Barbara joked as she gestured to both girls. “You act like it… Lori, you promised to paint the background. Get started on that. Charlie, please start attaching the fire escapes to the apartment buildings.”

“Where are you going?” Charlie asked. 

Barbara headed toward her bedroom. “Podcasting stuff,” Barbara replied. She disappeared into her bedroom and shut the door. She opened her podcasting email and saw an email from her sponsor. Ted Kord was a tech executive. 

He always left a little joke and his phone number at the end of every email. She smiled as she read the coding screenshot he sent her. She called the number and let it ring, and when Ted answered, she lost her nerve. “Hello? Hey, is this—?” Barbara hung up and pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“Stupid… That was so stupid,” Barbara muttered as she formulated a lie about a pocket call. She replied quickly and was shocked to see him reply at a similar speed. 

From: Ted Kord <tedskord81@tkindustries.co>

Date: Sun, Oct 12, 2016 at 5:25 PM

Subject: Personal Correspondence, Re: At Your Leisure

To: <oracle@oraclepodcast.com>

There’s no pressure to call. I don’t mind emailing back and forth. It’s the highlight of my day. I anticipate these minor correspondences with the so-called mystery woman who doesn’t think poorly of me for mixing business with pleasure… And speaking with you is pleasurable. 

I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t be interested in meeting you or hearing your real voice, unaltered by filters and fanciful old Hollywood accents. It’s merely curiosity. 

Barbara smiled, relieved at his calm reply. She didn’t answer immediately, opting to check emails about the podcast. 

From: Zinda Blake <ladyblackhawkzb@hotmail.com>

Date: Sun, Oct 12, 2016 at 4:32 PM

Subject: Information on Anna and Edward Stanfield Case; Remain Anonymous

To: <oracle@oraclepodcast.com>

Hello, I’ll make this short. I pilot private jets and have a friend in security who would like to remain anonymous. I’m sending this to you because the police said they’d look into it, but it hasn’t helped anyone. I hope you find the attachment below useful. 

Sincerely, 

Zinda 

Barbara saved the video and sent it to Dinah and Renee. The other emails weren’t as informative, so she replied to Ted’s email. “I’m going to regret this… I’m going to regret this,” Barbara groaned. 

“Barbara! Helena and Tim are here!” Charlie shouted. 

Barbara sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sent a reply shut her laptop, and dropped her phone in her lap. She joined everyone in the living room and looked at the neatly set table. “What are we eating?” Barbara questioned. 

“Helena found a seafood place. She said their lobster mac and cheese is killer,” Tim replied. 

Helena opened the first bag and looked around. “Where’s everyone else?” Helena questioned. 

“Cassie, Steph, and Wendy?” Barbara asked. “They’re probably running late. Tim?” 

“I’ll text them,” Tim replied. 

Barbara’s phone pinged. She hesitated before checking it. “Tim, did you text the group chat?” Barbara asked. 

“Nuh-uh. I texted Steph,” Tim answered. Barbara checked her phone.

TED : When are you gonna let me take you for a night on the town?

BARBARA: You don’t even know my name

TED: Barbara, you called me on your personal cell. Your name came up on my caller ID

BARBARA: Got me there… It depends on where you wanna take me ig

TED: I’ll take you wherever you wanna go. Say the word

BARBARA: There’s a cute Italian place my friend recommended. I have to ask her the name. About to have dinner. Let me know when you’ll be in town

TED: Catch you later

Barbara looked up and everyone sat staring at her with varying degrees of amused grins. “Who was that, Boss?” Charlie asked. 

“Nobody, Charlie. It’s business,” Barbara lied. 

“Looked like pleasure,” Helena teased. 

“Oh, hush,” Barbara chuckled. Tim looked up, not noticing the exchange. 

“Steph said they’re on their way up,” Tim announced. Barbara grabbed a pitcher of lemonade from the fridge. “I’ll go let them in.” 

“Thanks, Tim,” Barbara thanked him. “Helena, do you remember the name of that Italian place you ate at last month?” Helena sent Barbara the restaurant’s address while the noise from the hall burst through the door. 

“Dude! Oracle is trending!” Steph shouted. Barbara held back a laugh. 

“Do you talk to everyone like you’re at a concert with them, or is it just me?” Barbara joked. 

Steph plopped down beside Charlie, and they immediately started talking about the podcast. Lori helped Helena put the food on the table. “How was everyone’s week?” Barbara asked. “Clockwise from Cass, please.” 

“I taught a little girl how to throw her brother at the gym two days ago,” Cass replied.

“Should I call Harvey?” Tim asked. 

“The parents aren’t gonna sue,” Cass replied. 

Lori finished chewing before talking about her week. “I’m hanging out with a friend next Saturday—.”

“Someone’s about to have a vampire weekend,” Charlie whispered, eliciting a laugh from Steph. 

“Says Jesse from Toy Story—.” 

“Hey,” Barbara slightly raised her voice. “Lori, is she picking you up here?” 

“Yeah, he is,” Lori replied. 

Helena took a sip of lemonade. “I graded every essay and test from this past week in three hours yesterday while on a date,” Helena replied.

“Who are you dating?” Lori questioned.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Helena grinned as she tapped Lori’s nose. Helena was the only person Lori allowed to do that. 

They continued going around the table while they ate, and Barbara’s thoughts went quiet. She would never admit it, but the Sunday dinners were the most pleasant part of her week. Sometimes the topics on her podcast were dark and left her feeling murky, but dinner with her friends pulled her out of that. After dinner, Tim took Helena, Wendy, and Steph home in his car, but Cass stayed with Barbara, Lori, and Charlie. Cass showered first and fell asleep in the guest bedroom without saying goodnight, but Barbara didn’t mind. Cass never said goodnight or goodbye. Charlie and Lori printed out their halves of their report, and Barbara made them do a run-through before sending them to bed. Once the house was quiet, she poured a drink and watched a movie. She sent Ted the address of the restaurant.

TED: Saturday night? 7-ish??

BARBARA: Sure. What are you up to?

TED: Watching a movie. You?

BARBARA: Same. What are you watching?

TED: Murder in the First

BARBARA: Get outta here. I’m watching the same thing. 

TED: Can we talk about how dreamy Christian Slater looks

BARBARA: Ha! You’re so right

[lilydalexf]

🎃👽X-Files Halloween Fic Recs, Part 2

Here is a master list of all my Halloween-related X-Files fic recs from the last month. These and all my earlier recs (not just about Halloween!) can be found under my fic rec tag, where you can also read why I recced each story. Enjoy!

X-Files Halloween Fic Recs, Part 1 is here

Again – A Ghost Story by CiCi Lean (One Breath - ~1,800 words – PG-13) (rec) Bump in the Night by holdthiscat (@h0ldthiscat) (MSR – 1,170 words – Teen and up) (rec) Bump in the Night by MystPhile (MSR - ~ 3,150 words – PG-13) (rec) Full Moon, Near-Death, and Things Left Unfinished by Jamie Lyn (Season 7 - ~8,800 words - PG) (rec) Furtive Attraction by denynothing1 (Vignette / Humor- ~2,052 words – General Audiences) (rec) Haunted House by Analise (X-file - ~14,000 words –PG-13) (rec) I Ain't Afraid Of No Jersey Devil by leiascully (@leiascully) (Season 9/IWTB – 448 words – Teen and up) (rec) Jackalopes by Seema (Season 7 - ~2,900 words – Not rated) (rec) October Skies by Oracle (Season 2 - ~5,900 words – PG-13) (rec) One Thought by probe (Post-col - ~18,200 words - PG) (rec) Option Three by Khyber (UST - ~5,600 words – NC-17) (rec) Poltergeist by all_these_ghosts (@all-these-ghosts) (IWTB – 1,890 words – Teen and up) (rec) The Provisional World by Buckingham (Season 9 - ~3,300 words – PG-13) (rec) Pumpkin Seeds by KatyBlue (MSR - ~3,700 words – PG-13) (rec) Untitled by foxmulders (@foxmulders) (MSR - ~1,200 words – Not rated) (rec)

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

Family Gatherings

This is pure self indulgent fluff. Also the Phone Fic that I keep bloging about. Can be found here on my ao3! Rating: PG (Mild language) Words: 5,112 Gen

Family gatherings are not words generally associated with the individuals who make up Gotham’s vigilantes. Strategy meetings, subterfuge, infighting, assassin, spy, creepy, know it all. These are terms they are well versed in. This is why the text message that Bruce sent out at 9 am on Saturday was such a surprise.

“I request that all of you come to the manor for a family gathering at 7. Alfred will be serving dinner promptly at 7:30. What the hell is that supposed to mean Tim?!” Dick could practically hear his little brother shrugging on the other end of the phone.

“I dunno. Maybe he wants to go over his will.”

“That’s not funny and you know it.”

“C'mon Dick! Like you have a better explanation?”

Dick sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “No. Do you think everyone will come?”

“I know Steph and Harper will out of pure curiosity. Everyone else,” Tim paused and took a deep breath, releasing the rest of his sentence on the exhale, “who knows.”

Dick nodded, not really caring that he couldn’t be seen as habit was habit. “Ok. Well Damian will be, Cass for sure, Babs is going to be there cause she hates being out of the loop, Jason…” Dick trailed off, looking down at his bare feet. He’d woken to find the text blinking at him from a half dead phone screen. Knowing that he’d have seen it already too Dick immediately called Tim and had been pacing around the apartment in his pajamas with the now nearly dead cell to his ear.

“Yeah,” Tim said empathically.

“Maybe he’ll come for Alfred?” Dick tried.

“You know him better than I do.”

“You’re right. And I don’t even know why he does half the things he does. I’ve gotta charge my phone. I’ll see you later?”

Tim snorted. “Of course you do. Alright, yeah. I’m meeting up with Tam soon anyway. Bye.”

“Bye,” Dick frowned at the phone. Now that the call with Tim had ended it had returned to the group chat Bruce had sent his text in. Not a single person had replied and Bruce likely didn’t expect them to. Just that they showed up. He stuck it on a charger in the living room and went to get a shower. After breakfast Dick collapsed onto the couch. Having wrapped up a case the night before he decided to reward himself with some video games.

Dick started up Call of Duty, grabbing a controller and his headset. He smiled as he saw that both Roy and Wally were currently online. He started a game with them and as soon as he slipped the headset on he could hear Roy swearing already. “What gives, it’s like 7 or something out there. How the hell are both of you awake and playing video games?” He asked once the cursing died down.

Wally snorted as his character took out a sniper on the screen. “Linda and the kids went to visit her parents. I’ve got the house to myself for the weekend and Bart and I have been playing all night. Kid passed out about 2 hours ago.”

Dick shook his head and tried to figure out how many energy drinks the speedster must’ve downed in order to still be awake. Especially taking into account his metabolism.

“How’d you get out of going with?” Roy tossed a grenade into the building on the screen, causing the whole thing to be temporarily covered in cgi flames.

“I’m the Flash. And her parents don’t know. Plus I’m on call for the League.”

“Then how was staying up all night a good idea if you were on call?” Dick punched a complicated series of buttons that Tim had shown him, taking out the three guys on the roof and the two on the ground.

“Clark’s on monitor duty. I’m just the back up. And nobody does anything in the middle of June. It’s like common knowledge.”

The other two made noncommittal sounds of agreement as they continued to play.

“Alright, Roy what’s your excuse?” Dick tried to reload as they were ambushed from above.

“Lian had a nightmare. I just got her back to sleep about a half hour ago and now I can’t sleep. Living on the West Coast has its perks when your gaming buddies don’t get up ‘til noon and live in Jersey.”

“I don’t know which part of that I should be more offended by. The fact you think I don’t get up ‘til noon or the way you said Jersey.”

“Jersey,” the others replied in unison.

Dick scoffed and pouted, not that it did any good as his friends were in Keystone and Star respectively.

“Alright, you’re chattier than usual. What gives?” Roy asked.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?” Dick sputtered.

Wally paused the game and snorted. “Dude. You’re being nosy. Even for you. Plus you only ever play Call of Duty if stuck on a case or having personal drama. We’ve known you since you were in pixie boots, doesn’t take a detective to know your quirks by this point.”

Dick groaned and put the controller down, scrubbing his hands down his face. “Bruce texted us all this morning that he’s having a ‘family gathering’,” he knew they’d hear the implied air quotes in his tone, “and that we’re all expected to be there.”

“That’s rough,” Wally told him.

“Yeah man. D'you know why?” Roy added.

“No. And I don’t even know if everyone’s gonna bother showing up. He did it in a group chat but there still hasn’t been a response from anyone. I dunno. I honestly think I’d be less stressed if he’d said there was a mass break out at Arkham and we needed to meet for assignments.”

“Ok, that’s depressing. Also the fact that breakouts don’t even phase you anymore? Like? The hell?” Wally said, still obviously on an energy drink high.

“If we start an argument about rogues we’re gonna get so off topic and be here forever,” Dick shot back.

Grumbling could be heard from Wally but Dick was satisfied that his friend wouldn’t say anything.

“Lemme guess. You’re worried about Jason. You think cause Bruce asked you guys to come he’s not gonna bother,” Roy speculated.

“Pretty much,” Dick sighed. “Have you heard from him recently?”

“Sorry man. Last I heard he was running around with that new team of his. I think he’s still a little pissed I rejoined the Titans,” Roy replied.

“Yeah. Ok. Thanks.”

“Not a problem. Whine at us anytime, that’s what friends are for,” Dick could hear the smirk Roy was giving him.

“That and getting drunk at dive bars while listening to crappy cover bands together,” Wally chimed in.

Dick burst out laughing at that. “You can’t even get drunk!”

“So? Doesn’t mean I can’t go with!” Wally sounded wounded but Roy didn’t care about offending the other redhead and Dick knew his friend was about ready to crash and wasn’t going to remember much of this conversation anyway.

“Go to sleep West,” Roy got out between snorts.

“Seriously dude. Way too many red bulls.”

Wally grumbled and finally said, “Fine. Whatever. Text bout what happens,” before signing off.

“So do you think he’ll show?” Roy asked once he caught his breath.

“I honestly don’t know. As far as I’ve heard none of us have done anything to particularly piss him off recently. Not even Bruce. And it was a request, granted he’s going to just expect us all to be there but the text at least made it sound optional. And it said Alfred would be there which is always a plus for Jay.”

“Well good luck and keep me in the loop. I’m always willing to act as an outside opinion on your family’s drama,” Roy told him.

Dick chuckled. “That’s just because it makes your family drama look tame.”

“You bet! We made be loud and extremely dysfunctional but at least we haven’t tried to kill each other.”

“You make that sound like it happens a lot,” Dick whined.

“Dude.”

“Ok, ok. I’ll text you later.” Dick closed the game and pulled his headset off. Tossing it onto the coffee table he laid down on the couch. He was still unsure about what was going to happen later that night but he at least felt better knowing that he had friends who would let him vent afterward.

Dick swung his legs off the couch and stood in one fluid motion. He grabbed his phone, headphones, and keys and decided to go for a jog. It was a nice day, Gotham wasn’t too busy on a Saturday in the early afternoon, maybe he could have a normal jog for once. He returned to his apartment 20 minutes later after avoiding no less than six paparazzi, being cat called about ten times, and literally running into Helena. She had been out for a jog too and while he was trying to lose a particularly insistent cameraman they had both rounded the corner at the same time going in opposite directions. She had not been happy, yelling something about how he should watch where he’s going and “Dammit Grayson! That hurt!” As well as a mix of fairly creative curses in Italian.

Dick had offered to make it up to her but she just waved him off. Saying “You and Barbara are obviously both distracted. Bruce has got you ex sidekicks seriously messed up with these mind games. I’ll just send you Zinda and my next bar tab.” Dick had felt himself visibly pale at that and she had laughed and said not to worry before continuing on her way.

Dick was still pondering over her mention that Babs was distracted too. Obviously Bruce’s text was having some effect on her that Helena had mentioned it. Normally, the Birds were close knit and never talked about personal business with the rest of Gotham’s heroes. Especially not the personal business of Oracle their fearless leader.

Flopping back down on his couch Dick fished his phone out of his pocket. He tapped out a quick text to Babs and hit send, hopping something hadn’t suddenly sprung up that needed her attention. Luckily that wasn’t the case as her response was practically immediate.

~What’s up boy wonder? Helena said you ran into her and that you were super frazzled.

~I was wondering if you had heard anything about what Bruce wants us for tonight.

Her response to that took a bit longer and her words were obviously a bit more measured.

~No, I haven’t heard a thing. Why? Have you?

~No. I talked to Tim this morning and he says that he’s in the dark too. It’s obviously nothing serious but it’s been bugging me all day.

Her response to that was more relaxed. If he had to guess he’d say she had thought he knew something she didn’t, and Dick knew that she hated that.

~Me too! I can’t figure out what it is he could possibly want to talk about that we ALL need to be there. I mean, you boys and Cass yeah. Me, Steph, & Harper? Idk. Have you heard from Damian or Jason at all?

~No. I was going to head over in a bit to bug D though. Nothing on Jay.

~Yeah, same here. I kinda hope he comes at least for Alfred but…

~I was thinking the same thing Babs.

~Oh well. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll talk to ya later pixie boots.

~You’re one to talk miss go-go.

Her response was simply the eye roll emoji and Dick snorted as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. He let his head fall against the back of the couch and fell into a light doze. He woke from his brief nap and patted his shorts for his phone. There were no new messages from Babs, Bruce, Tim or anyone else. No missed calls or alien invasions either. The time told him he ought to get ready and head to the manor if he wanted to pump Damian for information. As well as just hang out with his youngest brother.

Once dressed in jeans and a clean t-shirt Dick headed to garage that occupied the basement of his apartment building. Shrugging on a leather jacket and fastening his helmet he gave the bike’s engine a good rev before driving up the ramp and onto the streets of Gotham.

Knowing that the cops would definitely try and stop Dick Grayson for speeding he made sure to restrain himself from weaving in and out of traffic, especially because Nightwing would be pushing the motorcycle through its paces soon enough. Sitting in Gotham wasn’t enjoyable but being able to fly up the manor’s long gravel drive sure made up for it. He pulled in next to Steph’s purple Mini Cooper, glad to see the Compact was holding up for her. He cut the engine and took his helmet off, giving his head a shake to undo any helmet hair.

Bounding up the steps he swung the over large front door open with a shout of “Hello? Anybody actually above ground?”

The sound of running feet could be heard coming from somewhere on the second floor as Dick put his jacket and helmet on the coat rack. He turned just as he heard a sharp “-tt-” coming from the balcony at the top of the steps. Damian stood there with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed, the twitch of his lips betrayed his annoyed facade. “Must you be so abhorrently loud, Grayson?”

“Must you be using SAT vocab at such a young age?” Dick shot back with a grin.

Damian rolled his eyes but his arms fell to his sides and his mouth finally turned up into a smile. “Brown and Row have coerced Cassandra into assisting in appropriating my room, the extra person on my side would be helpful.”

Dick chuckled, “Whatever you say Dami.” He ran up the stairs and followed Damian down the hall to his room. Sure enough the three girls were spread over the plush carpeting, nail polish bottles and other manicure supplies between them.

Damian crossed the room and sat himself on his bed next to Titus and Alfred the cat. The three watched the teen girls from their perch, Damian with minor annoyance, Titus with amusement, and Alfred with the type of utter nonchalance only achieved by felines. The girls glanced up at Dick who had paused in the doorway. Cass’s face immediately lit up and she fluidly rose to her feet and came over to wrap her arms around his neck. Dick returned the hug as she whispered a warm “Hi” in his ear.

“Hey Cass,” he murmured back. She let go and skipped back to the others. Harper gave him a small, two-fingered salute while Steph waved with a large smile. “How long have you been here?”

“Too long,” Damian instantly grumbled.

Harper snorted and Steph nearly doubled over in a fit of giggles. Cass quirked an eyebrow at her little brother before calmly sticking her tongue out at him. “We came for brunch with Cass as we had originally planned and just stayed since we all received the super mysterious text,” Steph told him once she had recovered from her laughter, which had doubled thanks to Cass’s antics.

Dick nodded in response and sat himself down on the floor next to them. Damian gave a short “-tt- Traitor.” He did however edge closer to the end of the bed where he could participate in their conversation.

Dick picked up a bottle of forest green polish and examined it. Cass held out her left hand to him, the fingers of which had been painted, to show him the color. He nodded and gestured that she let him do her other hand. Cass turned to face him as Dick shook the bottle. “So have you guys heard anything about tonight?”

“I wish,” Harper said with a slight huff. “He just kinda grumbled and bolted when we asked.”

“Seriously. We were having our lovely quasi weekly brunch and chatting with Alfred and chasing away this gremlin,” she waved her bright yellow nails at Damian who furrowed his brows indignantly. “All of a sudden, Mr I-am-the-night-and-cannot-properly-socialize-without-being-forced-by-my-over-energetic-ex-sidekick-or-alien-and-amazon-besties walks in-”

Dick nearly choked as a laugh burst out of his mouth, interrupting Steph.

“Can I help you?” She deadpanned with a raised brow.

“I’m good. Just, that’s a new one. Keep going.”

Steph sniffed and flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “As I was saying. Bruce walks in and kinda blinks at all of us sitting in his kitchen. Using his surprise to our advantage Harper courageously seized the moment and asked him what exactly this family gathering will entail tonight. He froze, looking exactly like a cat-sized crime alley rat in the batmobile’s headlights, while Cass jumped up to block his exit. I immediately jumped to add my assistance by asking if this means that Harper, Duke, and myself are technically family too at this point. He just blinked, grabbed a muffin, said something highly unintelligible, and beat a hasty retreat.” Steph gave a sharp nod before turning back to her nails.

Dick had to stop doing Cass’s nails as he was trying too hard on not laughing to keep his hand steady. She swatted at him before rolling her eyes and turning to Damian. “Come,” she said, handing him the nail polish. Damian blinked but skootched to the floor next to Cass and diligently began painting her nails.

Dick wiped at his eyes, trying to remember why he had been so against Steph being Batgirl when the two so easily amused each other. “So we’ve got nothing?” he finally asked.

“Nope,” Cass said, admiring Damian’s handiwork.

Harper tossed a bottle of matte black at the youngest Robin and waved her hand toward Dick. Damian blinked but began shaking the bottle and moved to sit in front of Dick. With a shrug he gave his little brother his hand to be painted. “We tracked down Duke then and asked him what he knew. Nada. Honestly we were kinda hoping you’d bring some info with you,” Harper added.

“I’ve got nothing,” he told them with a shrug. “Neither do Tim or Babs.”

“Have you tried contacting Todd?” Damian looked up from Dick’s hand.

“No. He threatened to have baby ducks imprint on me if I called him again.” Damian nodded sagely at that.

“I’m sorry, what?” Harper’s head and eyebrows had shot up.

“He’s been doing that lately. Something about how ‘we all have a death wish but we’ll take care of cute baby animals’ or something,” Steph said, using a poor imitation of Jason’s voice as she acted out his threat.

“You’re kidding?” Harper obviously didn’t believe them.

Cass just shook her head gravely. “No. And baby ducks? No patrol for months.”

“Plus they’re so darn cute like how could you not want to love them?” Steph said in a rush.

“Brown is correct. Also, it is entirely within Todd’s skill set to get them to imprint on one of us.” Damian looked at Harper seriously before turning back to apply another coat to Dick’s nails.

Harper blinked at them before narrowing her eyes, “If you guys are shitting me right now I swear…”

“Scouts honor!” Dick called and held up the three-finger salute.

Damian batted at his hand. “I swear Grayson if I have to redo this,” he grumbled.

“C’mere,” Steph tugged on Damian’s arm and held up a dark shimmering blue. He nodded and allowed her to begin painting.

“So do we have any ideas at least? I know you guys aren’t the type to just let something go,” Dick watched the others.

Cass shot him a smirk. “Understatement.”

There was a knock on the door frame and they all looked up to see Tim and a rather unsure looking Duke standing there. “Alfred told us that you were all up here. Mind if we come in?”

Damian sniffed, “It’s not like my opinion matters at this point.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes…” Tim walked in and took a seat next to Steph.

She squinted at him before leaning forward to search through the pile of small glass bottles. She found whatever one she was looking for and held it up triumphantly. “Maroon?” She asked Tim, waving it just in front of his nose. Tim shrugged and let her pull his hands towards him.

Duke sat down cautiously next to Dick. “So do they always do your nails or…?”

Dick smiled at him. “We don’t really get a say in the matter. Cass just paints them when you fall asleep if you say no.” The girl in question waggled her brows and grinned.

“What about Bruce’s?” Duke asked as he watched Harper shifting through the pile, holding colors up for Cass to consider.

“Ballet Slipper. Once a month,” Cass showed Duke the light pink color. His eyes widened in disbelief and Dick couldn’t help but laugh. Finally, Harper held up a pale orange that both Cass and Dick nodded at. She crawled towards Duke and pulled his hands onto her lap.

“So ideas regarding our impending doom?” Dick asked.

“Like I told you before, I think it’s a reading of his will. He even texted Kate and with the exception of Damian she’s his only living blood relative,” Tim said, peering over the top of Steph’s head.

“Damn Timbo. Way to be morbid. Also, why would I be here if that were the case seeing a how I am legally deceased.” They all whipped their heads to see Jason leaning in the doorway, a smirk on his lips and a nasty glint in his eye. He sauntered in and plopped himself down between Steph and Cass. “Give me the most obnoxious color you have,” he challenged.

“How bout this?” Harper wiggled her own bright metallic pink at him.

Jason scrunched up his nose with a “nah.”

Dick rummaged around in the pile before pulling out a glitter gold. He threw it to Jason who caught it and beamed. “Why thank you Dickie-bird.”

“So, uh, why did you come then?” Duke asked.

Jason shrugged and began to paint his own nails. “You know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat.”

“But satisfaction brought it back,” Duke finished the expression.

Jason gave the other boy a Cheshire smile. “I knew I liked you.” He then continued to add layers of glitter. They all just stared in shock for a few seconds. Jason looked up and his eyes skipped past them as he smiled. “Hey there Barbie. This Batgirl is free for manicure giving,” he said pointing to Cass.

Dick turned to see Babs just outside the door. Her expression was amused but the set of her mouth was definitely her trying to look annoyed. With an eye roll she wheeled herself into the room. “I thought we were supposed to be here for seven. Why is it that we all managed to get here just under three hours earlier?”

Dick pushed himself back up onto the bed so that he would be eye level with Barbara as the others offered up a jumble of explanations. “Paranoia” “Fear of the unknown” “Intrigue” and “Who the hell knows” were the few Dick could make out.

He mumbled “Slow day at the office” and caused Babs to crack up.

“That it is,” she told him with a smile. Cass held up a dark purple that Babs nodded at and before she could get up Dick grabbed the bottle. He turned to Babs and motioned for her hand. They spent the rest of the time leading up to the big meeting sitting in a circle in Damian’s room with painted nails and the animals now nudging for attention.

That was exactly how Bruce and Kate found them when they went looking for them. Dick had seen them coming up the hall and gave a quick jut of his chin to acknowledge them. They had stopped short of coming in though, Kate wearing a huge smile and Bruce his more subdued but still genuine lip twitch.

They stood there for a few seconds, watching as Steph and Jason fell against each other in a fit of giggles. Cass had taken the tiny hair rubber bands and was using them to give Damian braids. Duke and Tim were engaged in a detailed discussion of Lord of the Rings and Harper was letting Babs style her short blue hair. All in all they looked like an average, happy family.

Bruce cleared his throat and they all turned to see him and Kate. Cass leapt to her feet and hopped over the legs of everyone else to go give Bruce a hug. Dick couldn’t help but smile because the hug was obviously more forceful than the one she had given him. Or Bruce hadn’t been expecting it as he had swayed slightly when she had jumped up to wrap her arms around his neck. Kate laughed and ruffled Cass’s hair.

Once Cass released him Bruce attempted to recover by smoothing out the wrinkles in his polo shirt. Dick and the others simply waited, knowing that he would speak when ready. He looked up and gave another small smile. “Thank you all for coming. Kate has… explained to me that having monthly gatherings might help you all with your stress levels and, ah, work on interpersonal relations.”

Kate rolled her eyes and give him a sharp jab in the side courtesy of her elbow. Bruce shot her a wounded look that Dick had to try very hard not to laugh at but his cousin ignored it. “What the stick in the mud is trying to say is that we’re having a game night because you all need a morale boost. Now c’mon, Alfred’s got dinner ready.”

With that Kate turned on her heel and marched back down the hall. Bruce gave a sharp nod before following her in a hasty retreat. They all looked around at each other in a stunned silence. Dick pinched himself for good measure, this wouldn’t be the weirdest dream he’d ever had but it was still good to rule out the possibility.

“What the actual, ever-loving fuck?” Jason finally said.

“What he said,” Harper pointed at Jason, eyes wide.

“Grayson, you have the most experience with Father and his moods. What could this be about?” Damian looked up at him from the carpet.

Dick shrugged and shook his head. “I’m honestly as lost as you are. Maybe we should go eat and, I don’t know, enjoy it?”

They all looked much too suspicious to actually enjoy anything but Dick dutifully herded them towards the dining room. Tim hung back until he had fallen in step with Dick. “You don’t actually think he wants us to play monopoly with him or something?” The younger man asked.

“I really don’t know Tim. Kate’s been getting him to actually be Bruce rather than Brucie or Batman lately and this is obviously all her.”

Tim snorted, “Ya think?”

Dick ruffled Tim’s hair and gained a rather interesting hand flail and cat like yowling combination in protest. Finger combing his hair back into position Tim sent him a glare. “I think we should trust Kate on this one and see what happens. Also, you either need a haircut or one of those ponytails Cass had.”

Tim’s glare turned up to full on bat and had Dick not known the kid, or been just about anyone else, he probably would’ve run in fear. As it was he could handle a few dirty looks from Tim.

Dinner was delicious, as everything Alfred made was. The conversation was semi-normal too. Steph complaining about classes, Harper talking about her work at the clinic, Dick told them about his run in with Helena that Babs then added the other half of the story to. No one made a single death threat, no food or utensils were thrown, and all insults were good natured teasing. For a second Dick thought he fell into a parallel world.

That feeling only got worse as Alfred chased them to the living room while he cleaned up. Jason stayed to help and the butler begrudgingly let him. The two joined the others soon enough and they began an intense game of Cards Against Humanity. Alfred and Babs soon took the lead, surprising everyone except maybe Alfred himself.

Bruce came in dead last, only earning that position by having a single less card than Damian. Steph and Jason tied for second and in a surprise twist Cass won. Kate was still cackling at some of the combinations that had won and Babs was telling her she could send the security footage to her later. They played well into the night and Barbara contacted the Birds to patrol as Bruce indicated that the assembled vigilantes were not leaving anytime soon. By the wee hours of the morning they had all stumbled upstairs to their respective bedrooms with the exception of Kate, Bruce, Alfred, and Dick himself.

He had stretched out on the floor watching as Kate slowly took over the sofa and Bruce was forced to go claim his recliner. Alfred chuckled from the love seat, a late-night cup of tea in hand.

“So how do you think it went, chum?” Bruce asked him once he had settled.

Dick shrugged, feeling his shoulders push against the carpet. “You had us all really worried. Tim was convinced that you were going to read us your will.”

Bruce snorted, Kate cracked up and sat up to be able to look down at Dick. “You’re kidding,” she accused.

Dick smirked, “I wish.”

They all laughed and once it had died down Alfred said, “Well you do have a tendency to have the whole family over only in the case of emergencies, Master Bruce.”

That received a small “Hnnh.”

“He’s right. I was telling Roy and Wally that I would’ve been less worried if it had been an Arkham breakout.”

Bruce shot him a wounded look before frowning at a point just above the fireplace. “I want to try and change that,” he finally said.

“If it helps I think this was a really good start. Monthly family game nights definitely are a thing normal people do. And I had fun, I think the others did too. Even Jason,” Dick told him candidly. Bruce nodded, a small smile forming. “Just next time don’t call it a family gathering. You scared the crap out of all of us.”

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Fic Masterpost

UPDATED: 8 November 2024 3:58 p.m.

(Organized by: Title, Chapters Posted, Chapters Written, And Progress/Completion)

11.3k km (7 chapters posted; 7 written; In progress) batfam

Almost There (3 chapters posted; 4 written; In progress) flashfam

Ango (Dwelling in Peace) (4 chapters posted; 4 written; In progress) arrowfam

An Oyster's Pearl (14 chapters posted; 14 written; In progress)

A Stone's Throw (2 chapters posted; 6 written; In progress) batfam

A Yellow Ribbon (12 chapters posted; 12 written; In progress) flashfam/superfam/yj98

blood on your altar (4 chapters posted; 5 written; In progress) arrowfam/titans/aquafam

Bloody Valentines (11 chapters posted; 11 written; In progress) batfam/titans/titans west/gl corps/flashfam/losh/new gods/shadowpact/superfam

Blue Ribbon Birdie (Oneshot; Completed) batfam

Bruised Figure (6 chapters posted; 6 written; In progress) batfam

Catch and Release (18 chapters posted; 18 written; In progress) batfam

Central City Lemonade Stand (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) flashfam

Daily Planet Classifieds (14 chapters posted; 14 written; In progress) superfam/yj 98/titans

Eyes and Ears (44 chapters posted; 44 written; In progress) batfam

Five Little Ducks (13 chapters posted; 13 written; Complete) batfam

Five Stages of Mamma Mia (20 chapters posted; 20 written; In progress) batfam

Frozen in Time (2 chapters posted; 2 written; In progress) jli/gl corps

Hair Trigger (25 chapters posted; 25 written; In progress) batfam

Harvest Moon (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) flashfam

Heels Over Head (1 chapter posted; 1 written; In progress) flashfam

Honor in Crisis (9 chapters posted; 9 written; In progress) batfam/titans/ntt/jli/gl corps/arrowfam

Human Cannery Co. (2 chapters posted; 2 written; In progress) yj98/superfam/flashfam

If There's Nothing Missing In My Life... (16 chapters posted; 16 written; In progress) superfam

In The Soup (10 chapters posted; 10 written; In progress) batfam/superfam

into the silent land (9 chapters posted; 9 written; In progress) batfam

It Takes A Village (13 chapters posted; 13 written; In progress) yj98/flashfam

Kitten Heel (7 chapters posted; 7 written; In progress) arrowfam/titans

Library of Ashes (6 chapters posted; 6 written; In progress) batfam

Lily of the Valley (32 chapters posted; 32 written; In progress) batfam

Lost Boys (16 chapters posted; 16 written; In progress) batfam/superfam/titans

Midnight Swan (5 chapters posted; 5 written; In progress) batfam

Moon Rocks (10 chapters posted; 10 written; In progress) batfam

Ocean View (10 chapters posted; 12 written; In progress) superfam/batfam

One in the Chamber (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) batfam

Oracle of Jersey (2 chapters posted; 2 written; In progress) bop/batfam

Phantom Grin (18 chapters posted; 18 written; In progress) batfam

silence of your song (2 chapters posted; 2 written; In progress) flashfam

Space Oddity (9 chapters posted; 9 written; In progress) titans (fab five)/aquafam

Sweet Honey Bee (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) flashfam

Tangerines (1 chapter posted; 1 written; In progress) batfam/yj98

The Brother Trap (16 chapters posted; 16 written; In progress) flashfam

The Flames That Burn The Brightest (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) titans/arrowfam

The Juice Box Jubilee (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) batfam/yj98/titans

The Kinker's Stowaway (1 chapter posted; 1 written; In progress) batfam

the mother i know (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress)

The Spin Out (9 chapters posted; 11 written; In progress) batfam

The Stowaway (1 chapter posted; 1 written; In progress) flashfam

Thicker Than Blood (0 chapters posted; 1 written; In progress) arrowfam

Titans Academy (8 chapters posted; 8 written; In progress) titans/arrowfam

To Touch Fate (26 chapters posted; 26 written; In progress) batfam/batman beyond

Traveler's Guide to Yesterday (1 chapter posted; 1 written; In progress) flashfam (rogue's gallery)

Where There's Smoke (1 chapter posted; 1 written; In progress) jsa/flashfam

Wild Eyes (3 chapters posted; 3 written; In progress) batfam/batfam (rogue's gallery)

Views From the Mountain (2 chapters posted; 2 written; In progress) flashfam/titans (fab five)

You're Just Like Quicksand (15 chapters posted; 15 written; In progress) batfam/batman beyond

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Fic Updates

Would It Kill You? (Characters: Thad Thawne, Terry McGinnis, Deborah Morgna, Match, Bart Allen, Meloni Thawne, Max Mercury, Helen Claiborne, Mike Ringer; no powers au; flashfam/batfam/batman beyond au)

into the silent land (Characters: Jason Todd, Willis Todd, Faye "Ma" Gunn, Original Character(s), Sheila Haywood; canon divergent au; batfam)

Sweet Honey Bee (Characters: Thad Thawne, Bart Allen, Meloni Thawne, Don Allen, President Thawne; ballet au/no powers au; flashfam)

Bruised Figures (Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Cass Cain, Willis Todd, Catherine Todd; figure skating au/no capes au; batfam)

Wolf Tones (Characters: Laney Kent, Conner Kent, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Lex Luthor, Original Character(s), Harvest; no powers au; superfam)

Moon Rocks (Characters: Jason Todd, Catherine Todd, Natalia Knight, Original Character(s); canon divergent au; batfam)

Midnight Swan (Characters: Jason Todd, Kate Kane, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth; canon divergent au; batfam)

Oracle of Jersey (Characters: Barbara Gordon, Dinah Lance, Renee Montoya, Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe, Lori Zechlin, Wendy White, Stephanie Brown, Helena Bertinelli, Zinda Blake, Tim Drake, Cass Cain, Ted Kord, Jean-Paul Valley, Dick Grayson; podcast au/murder mystery au; batfam/bop)

Central City Lemonade (Characters: Barry Allen, Iris West, August Heart, Thad Thawne, Bart Allen, Owen Mercer, Meloni Thawne, Don Allen; no powers au/kid au; flashfam)

Grave Circumstances (Characters: Jason Todd, Original Character(s); monster au; batfam)

Adrenaline (Characters: Jason Todd, Willis Todd, Catherine Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth; batfam)

[bluejaysandblackbats]

New writing system

Fever Pitch : After washing up on the shore of an island, Jason and Grant are forced to work together to find the home of a missing child and shut down the resurgence of an old drug-turned-weapon called Fever. (Progress: 4 Chapters)

Bloody Valentines : Vampire slasher AU set in the 90s! (Progress : 6 Chapters)

Central City Lemonade Stand : Teeny Tiny Thad spends the summer with Grandpa Barry and Grandma Iris. (Progress: 3 Chapters)

Sweet Honey Bee : Bart tries to uncover the seemingly sinister deeds going on at the campus while visiting Thad's art school. (Progress: 2 Chapters)

Phantom Grin : Bruce Wayne visits his son's grave on the night of his resurrection. Will it change Jason's fate, or is it all simply inevitable? (Progress: 13 Chapters)

Midnight Swan : Jason doesn't die in the explosion in this AU, BUT he does team up with Kate Kane in this. (I started writing this in June of 2020 and I'm just now getting to proofreading what I've written). (Progress: 5 Chapters)

Five Stages of Mamma Mia : AU where Catherine Johnson (AKA Catherine Todd) is Jason's bio mom and Jason doesn't know who his father is. He engages in adventures while getting to know the men that could possibly be his biological father. I'm literally about to traumatize Jason within an inch of his life (literally) in the process. (Progress: 19 Chapters)

Frozen in Time : Booster Gold and Rani's daddy-daughter weekend does not go as planned. (Progress: 2 Chapters)

Oracle of Jersey : Barbara Gordon runs a podcast that results in six teenagers standing over a dead body. (Progress: 1 Chapter)