#or keep him a little bit longer
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I’m sorry to hear about your cat but I’m sure their time with you has been absolutely filled to the brim with love
He's had 18 years of being absolutely spoiled, anon <333
It may not be Friday, but that's the day we've planned. We'll talk to the vet a lot about it on the day, because there's some things Moet is still doing (eating, etc. because the hyperthyroidism forces him to - but 4 full meals a day and he's still losing weight, which is hard to see) but his quality of life will never improve again and he has some horrific terminal diseases.
We've been spoiling him in extra amounts lately, since we've sensed the time is closer. I'm not ready, and part of me wants to cancel the vet, because part of me just wants to go into denial. But part of getting 18 really amazing years (okay 15 really amazing years and 3 amazing years filled with increasingly demanding and horrible chronic illnesses) is this part at the end, and it's the least we can do for him. <3
#asks and answers#personal#he's an absolute muppet but we love him so much#he sleeps in my bed under the covers at the moment#he gets cuddles on tap#there's a chair next to my writing chair where he keeps me company all day#while i'm working#i've been crying a lot this week anon#and last night i had a 3 hour anxiety attack worrying about whether it's too soon or not#but the vet will tell us#on Friday#and we'll let him go#or keep him a little bit longer#and then let him go
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ive seen sooo many people say that the expression on tashi's face in the wake of the retirement conversation when art is lying in her lap and asks her to hold him is disgust, but like. it's not. i don't think it's disgust at all.
it's grief.
it's tashi getting the news that her tennis career is finished all over again. it's tashi realizing that this is it; that art is tired and he is giving up and she is going to lose it all for the second time. it is tashi letting it sink in that she is going to have to come to terms with this, again.
#her asking patrick to lose is her last ditch effort at keeping that career#because if art beats patrick it WILL be the confidence boost he needs and it WILL reinvigorate him in exactly the way tashi needs it to#and that may be enough to prolong the inveitable#she thinks that if art does get exicted about tennis again maybe he'll push retirement and she can hang onto it just a little bit longer#tashi duncan#challengers#art donaldson
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Okay but Tommy drops out of high school — he told his father he was gay and he told him he could either be homeless or go to military school. He goes to military school and joins the army and he likes flying the helicopters because it means he doesn’t have to do any of the killing himself. And he makes some friends.
There's one guy who's like the squad leader who's a few years old and built like a Greek god and Tommy's young and a little bit in love. And they're friends maybe even family because this whole group of people spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. And they all talk like a family and they all say they love each other and tease each other and it's nice. And one night it's just the two of them trading a flask of some sort of alcohol that Tommy doesn't know the name of and the man asks Tommy why he joined the army and where he wants to be in five years and Tommy trusts this man. He's half way in love with him so he doesn't even think twice before he tells the story about the time he came out to his family and his father nearly beat him to death before sending him here. And the conversation tapers off after that and he doesn’t register the change in the air but when he wakes up the next morning he’s being dishonourably discharged because he poses “unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. He knows what that means.
Tommy joins the fire department because he doesn’t know what else to do. He represses anything regarding his sexuality because he knows now that it’s wrong. He almost feels like he has a family again because his captain seems to like him and some of the guys are cool even if they say things he doesn’t agree with. And then he starts agreeing because maybe they’re right and he’s wrong and he’s just inherently wrong. So he follows their leads and is just straight racist because that’s how he can fit in.
And then a black lesbian woman joins and says she’s a black lesbian woman and Tommy doesn’t understand that either because you can’t be queer you just can’t be because it’s wrong.
But he nearly dies and and an Asian man saves his life and a black lesbian woman comes up with a better idea than any of them had and she tells them she’s no different and she is just as capable. So he improves himself he does and he tries to be better but he still can’t be who he is because the last 2 times he was honest about that he was betrayed.
Tommy leaves the 118 and “don’t ask, don’t tell” is lifted and he meets this guy he likes who likes him back and the 217 don’t seem to have a problem with the gender neutral pronouns and he slowly but surely lets himself open up again and be who he is and when the thing with that guy doesn’t work out because he’s moving to New York and Tommy’s not sure he’s ready to leave, it’s okay because his crew is there and they support him and he can still be himself.
#years later he flies a helicopter into a hurricane for the same people who stopped him from going too deep#into something he didn’t even believe in#and there’s this guy with a birthmark above his left eye and the widest smile there is#and he’s saying absolute nonsense and Tommy can’t help but smile#and there’s this other man too also gorgeous but not his type#who has all the same interests as him and he thinks if anything he’s made a new friend#and then the cute dorky guy calls the next day stumbling over his words saying his name is evan - from the rescue mission#and he asks for a tour of the 217 and Tommy agrees because how could he say no#and then he’s asking to go out but he already has plans but rain check? because there’s something about this guy that maybe…#and Tommy thinks that’s it but then evan turns up everywhere#and then things get a bit funny and Tommy feels like it’s his fault and he has to apologise#so he goes to Evan’s house not expecting anything just to say sorry#and Evans there looking absolutely amazing as always and he’s saying things that Tommy can’t help but read into#and he’s getting closer and closer and Tommy can’t help it#he kisses him and keeps his eyes shut just a moment longer just in case#he doesn’t want to open his eyes and see a disgusted look across Evan’s face so he stays closed just a little longer#but evan just looks like his brain has restarted and he’s nodding and joking when Tommy asks if that was okay#and they’re going on a date#and it hurts when evan says those worlds because tommy has spent long enough in a closet being someone he’s not and hurting people#and he can’t go back there he just can’t and he doesn’t want to be the one to force evan into anything so he leaves#and then he gets a call a stuttered invitation to meet at a cafe and of course Tommy says yes#he doesn’t know what he expects but it’s not this#Evans beaming at him with the brightest smile asking him to be his date to his sisters wedding#how can he say no when he looks like that (as long as he never buys coffee again)#and evan holds his hand even though everyone is around and ok that’s good#he’s late to the wedding and practically dead on his feet but he said he’d be there so he comes and the moment evan sees him#hes kissing him and he’s ok that’s great he could get used to this#bucktommy#911 abc#tommy kinard
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Locus and Lopez vs. dehumanization and seeing your own humanity through someone else
AKA 1.5k words worth of me trying to justify a random pairing I've been trying to sell people on for 5 years. Feat. a lot of my own introspection on both characters, CW for mentions of abuse.
It's kind of easy to assume that Locpez as a ship only exists because Locus is one of the few people who understands Lopez and one of even fewer who has had an actual (off-screen) conversation with him with full mutual fluency, especially since they interact directly, like, twice in canon (Objects In Space and the "Holy shit he's bilingual" scene from The Federal Army of Chorus). To be honest, that was my initial reason for shoving them together whenever I got into RVB and there was literally no content for them because no one was really considering them together in any capacity but a brief, funny passing interaction.
I do think language is an inherent motivator in their relationship with each other. It's a catalyst. Spanish, of course, is perhaps the most obvious thing they share--Locus being a Latino man and Lopez being the same in a convoluted and meta-racist metaphor. Beggars, choosers: anyone who knows how I operate knows I lean into reclaiming their depictions for my own brown person machinations. For Lopez it's the beauty of meeting someone who not only understands him, but isn't going to belittle him for the language he speaks or imply it'd be easier if he learned English. Locus will just listen to him talk and respond without commenting on the language barrier; Lopez isn't exotic or abnormal or "broken" for it, he just speaks Spanish, big deal, Locus speaks it too.
For Locus, it leans more toward reminding him of who he used to be when he was a simpler and kinder person. His culture seems like a forgone part of himself in many ways, but even if only because he's so distant from his humanity that he doesn't remember HOW to embrace his culture, or what the point of cultural pride even is. Lopez is like, reverse culture shock for him, where Locus is very familiar with Spanish as a language--grew up with it, learned it young, whatever, he canonically understands it and given he's Latino it's easy to assume it could be his native language--but has divorced himself from it so much to be malleable to his abusers that hearing someone speak it so unabashedly feels new. It's the lack of it that makes it so foreign, but it's so ingrained into him that it's easy for him to just slip back into it.
And Lopez being so stubbornly proud of what he is plays into that language dynamic, yes--now that there's someone who will listen and not judge, he has room to be adamant and own his monolingualism, and having someone as aggressively, straightforwardly prideful as Lopez forces Locus to recognize the beauty in the language too--but it applies on a grander scale, which is what I suppose the point of this post is: Locus and Lopez don't just share Spanish, but also histories of abuse and dehumanization, of being overlooked as living, thinking things in favor of taking advantage of their skills. And the results of this abuse manifest differently in both of them, but they're alike in just enough ways that their differences stimulate each other into bettering themselves and reflecting on what makes them, dramatic pause, human.
Some of Lopez and Locus's defining personality traits to me are their shared low empathy (forcibly learned on both of their parts) and the way they feel so alien in any group they're a part of. They're people with a lot of potential who don't care how others see them (at their worst, especially in Locus's case), but are limited by someone who only sees them for their usefulness (Sarge, Felix) and doesn't truly see them as a person. Lopez may be a Red, but they don't really care about anything he says, so he's just a wrench to them. Locus has Felix, but he doesn't recognize that Felix has one-sided power over him and is keeping him on a short leash; he's a shield and a weapon. They're tools, they don't have feelings, and if they realize as much it's a fault in their programming, they can and have to be steered back into place.
They're reflective of each other in this way. However, they're not identical in disposition: Locus resigns very easily to what he's told to be. He had more hope once, made attempts to be humanitarian, but was swiftly taught that kindness is suicide and that the point is to survive, no matter the cost. It was easy for Felix to take advantage of him by saying they needed each other when Locus was at his worst, because having kindness ripped out of him gave Locus little else to rely on but his hands. Locus has no room for questions, because a rulebook is absolute. It takes a reminder of what he used to be to make him falter, but even when Santa is showing him one of the inciting incidents of his "soldier" mindset, Locus can't stop himself from resigning to the mindlessness that Felix and the UNSC have already taught him.
Lopez feels trapped and is hyper-aware of it. He'll listen, but only because there's nothing else in the world for him. He's subservient but not in the same way Locus is, because he's angry about his situation: he knows it's not fair, but what can he fucking do about it? He was made to be Red Team's mechanic, and every word he says falls on deaf ears. He carries this self-awareness like a shield, like a threat: he could do something, but there's no point because his nature as a robot defines him. All he has is a sharp tongue and his hands, and the Reds only need one of those things from him. He revels in being able to complain and reminds himself that he's meant for something greater, but he's so fatalistic that he won't take action.
The balance comes from this anger. They're so alike in how they see the world and how much life has mistreated them, but they don't fully understand each other despite it. Locus sees Lopez as privileged for having a team because Locus has never had people to belong with, but he doesn't understand that Red Team isn't a safe place for Lopez. Lopez thinks Locus is misguided for letting himself believe he could ever be reduced to a mindless weapon, because Lopez has only ever been an object and Locus can't comprehend what that's really like. They see each other for their imperfections first and foremost and it frustrates them mutually: "You could've fixed this sooner, you could've escaped the grief, why didn't you try?"
It's this back-and-forth that they both need in order to reflect on themselves. They're harsh people who don't want to be coddled and admonished, but they're not making forward motion on their own because they're both stubborn and tend to decathect before they even recognize they CAN feel. They refuse to see themselves as human, but they can only see the humanity in each other, and they're both so alike that it could make them hypocrites. For a robot, Lopez's anger is so potent that it's alive: Locus sees more feeling in him than he's ever felt in his own life. Locus wants to be a weapon so bad, but he doesn't realize an object doesn't have heart the way he does, doesn't mourn the years it spent under someone's thumb, doesn't want to fix itself.
They're both brutally honest and they both need brutal honesty. They get along WELL by nature of being as similar as they are, but they argue so much because they want to understand each other and don't realize they already do. They're mapping details of their reflections. It's great: Locus is so hurt that he can only see the damage he causes, Lopez is difficult to hurt and notoriously good at fixing things. Lopez wants true accountability and retribution and Locus has cultivated complicity and guilt to perfection.
After Felix, Locus needs room to command his own life and put others in place when they overstep his boundaries, but he's scared of becoming Felix, so he also needs an anchor to keep him grounded in reality and reasonable. Lopez has never had real control over his own life before and would kill to have the power to make small choices and do as he wants, but he's a very private person who also needs a lot of space to work. They balance each other out and know the other's limits so well that they can easily go "You're hurting yourself and I'm not going to let you get away with it."
It's about understanding yourself through someone else and vice versa. Realizing that you share so much that if they deserve good, you do too. Reclaiming pain, experiencing freedom, finding support. They will deconstruct each other to the metal and muscles and rebuild one another over and over again, and they'll never get it perfectly right, but they're both going to learn more and more as they go. Flawless navigation of a road you've driven a million times, forward and back, potholes and all.
#locpez#rvb#Don't tag L*lix etc etc.#Hi. Thanks 4 responding to the interest check. This was going to be longer but they cut my mic. Locpez is brown bi4bi tism4tism bunk love.#Addendum because I can't shut up > Locus and Lopez both WANT to be seen as objects. This is a functional cog in the machine because they--#CAN'T see EACH OTHER as objects. It frustrates them. Lopez doesn't want his feelings acknowledged but Locus can't ignore the way that Lopez#feels so strongly. Locus wants to be reducible to function but Lopez only sees a damaged human who's shockingly sensitive. I think one of--#my strongest opinions about Locpez is that they aren't really a sweet or affectionate couple in the usual way. It's complicated but Lopez--#struggles to feel much of ANYTHING (just knows he likes Locus) and Locus is a little bit more of a romantic at his best but more strongly--#--prizes the mental stimulation than anything else. They're an intense couple that scares people off. I mean INTENSE intense. Emotionally--#physically (yep); metaphorically; they're pure mutual fascination. Poking each other like insects under microscopes. I need him because he-#--keeps my mind busy in every possible way. They do need therapy but not because of each other LOL.#logs
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🐇 Happy late Easter Fools!!! 🐇
Hello Twisted Wonderland fandom, please humbly accept this chibi sized peace offering in return for me joining you all 🙏🙏🙏
I do have some more Twst art in the works as well, so be on the look out for that sometime soon 👀
⬇️ Prefect and Grim ver. under the cut! ⬇️
#pastelsketches64#sketchies#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst wonderland#twst fanart#deuce spade#twst silver#epel felmier#ortho shroud#twst grim#twst yuu#twst prefect#twst oc#I have silently been here for the past few months now#but I cannot keep my silence any longer...#...because this game is just so darn cool!#ANYWAY I wanted to draw the bunny boys for Easter and before the event on the EN server#And since we have Easter parades over here I thought that would be a cute thing to draw!#Deuce is the SSR king leading the charge#Silver is keeping things steady on the drums#Epel is showing off for everyone with the trumpet#And Ortho got the triangle because I thought it would be cute! (And also he can't play many instruments without his mouth XDDD)#And then I gave my Prefect the flute because I have played it a little bit in the past#And Grim got the big ass cymbals because of course he did#They're as loud and pronounced as him! XDDD#I have a lot of TWST art ideas cooking in my brain so hopefully you'll see more from me soon! 🤞
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Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
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Hear me out:
Kotoko adopted Es, and Fuuta went ballistic.
Rip Fuuta... he can never catch a break... Asdfsdf thank you for this, it was a blast thinking of all the ridiculous ways this could have played out! (One possibility I toyed with was Fuuta's competitive instincts take over, he fights her for Es, only to realize too late "*I* don't want to be responsible for a whole child WAIT") It's a similar format to the last one, with a knock-at-the-door reveal, but I still think it works 😂
“Don’t fuck with me, Es.”
“I would never.”
Lying brat. Fuuta knew they would every chance that they got. It was the reason he was so relieved that Es decided to find somewhere else to live after Milgram’s end. Fuuta had nothing left to fear from his former warden, but the others’ suggestions that Es become his new roommate still made him shudder. Three interrogations in a closed space with the rude kid were enough for him, thank you very much.
However, it wasn’t all a relief. He couldn’t help feeling concerned about who they’d gone to live with. Given how cryptic they were being, Fuuta would have been convinced they walked into the woods to find a furry family of Jackalopes or something to raise them –except, they showed up for this walk with clean clothing and internet access.
“I don’t believe you. You’re fucking with me right now. Why can’t you just tell me who it is?��
“It isn’t any of your concern. Hey, I thought you swore to stay out of others’ business. You turned over a new leaf and all that?”
“Tch. I meant other people’s business. You’re different.”
If Es had vanished off the grid like some of the other prisoners, Fuuta wouldn’t have cared. But they were here, near enough to arrange some lame meetup, which meant they were going to remain in his life for a while longer. And that meant, as the model citizen that Fuuta was, he felt responsible for ensuring they didn’t get themselves kidnapped by some creep.
He asked, “how much do you know about them, anyway? I mean, what kind of person can house a random weird kid on incredibly short notice? That’s definitely suspicious.”
Fuuta pulled the mask up on his face as they turned down a more crowded street. He knew people were going to gawk at his eye anyways, but it still helped him feel like he was blending in. With his thoughts on the injury for a moment, he was glad that bitch Kotoko was one of the prisoners who had gone off the grid. Good riddance.
“I promise, she’s fine. Not weird with children at all. In fact, she’s really good with them, which is why she could help me on such short notice.” They muttered, “but it’s not like I’m that young…”
“That’s still not normal. Is she some old housewife or something?”
“Ah, are you trying to do the interrogation this time? Actually, I’d say she’s around your age.”
“It’s just you two living alone? I’m still worried about Milgram coming looking for us again – can a girl like that really protect you?”
“Is everyone supposed to live with a big, strong man, like you?”
“Wha–!” Fuuta’s cheeks burned red. “That’s not what I –!”
“I’m only teasing. It’s cute that you care about me.”
That only agitated him more. “It’s not cute! I’m being realistic! One of us has to think about your safety while you’re just distracted by some pretty girl.”
“What makes you think she’s pretty?”
“Well, why else would you be so careless in deciding to live with her?”
All of the sudden, he saw it in Es’ eyes: that spark of mischief that Fuuta had come to loathe. He could never tell what they were plotting, but it was never a good sign.
Es held up their hands in mock surrender. They put on a ridiculous, overdramatic voice. “Ah, you caught me, Fuuta! I’m hiding her identity because she’s the most beautiful, capable woman in all of Japan, and I want to keep her all to myself!”
He groaned, but they weren’t deterred. “She’s got everything, I couldn’t risk you falling for her! She’s quite capable of defending me. She’s very strong, with protective instincts much like your own. She understands our situation like no one else could. She’s got intense eyes, and you wouldn’t believe her singing voice. She enjoys deep conversations, she’s a dog person, she –”
“ – now you’re being the creep! Just shut up, I get it already...”
When they finally had the decency to pull it together, they reassured him. “It’s all true, though. So there’s no need to worry about me. I’m in good hands.”
Good hands, his ass. In only a brief conversation, the caretaker had gone from sounding a little suspicious to sounding way too good to be true… meaning she was extremely suspicious.
“Maybe someday I’ll introduce you, if you’re lucky...”
He turned his eyes away. “At least let me run some background checks on her first.”
(He would just stalk her on social media, but that still counted.)
“You’re just going to stalk her on social media. That doesn’t count.”
“Eh? I have legit methods!” He hid deeper under his mask.
Even after the topic was dropped, after he and Es parted ways on an awkward goodbye, Fuuta was left thinking about this mystery woman. It took a bit of digging (and maybe a tiny bit of social media stalking) but at last he found where Es lived with this stranger. Contrary to what they may believe, he had turned over a new leaf. There would be no more hiding behind screens or letting others do the confrontation for him. Now that he was a changed person, he’d do the healthy and normal thing with this information: he’d march on down there himself and confront her like a man.
He made it all the way to the front door with his chin high. He knocked with confidence.
Then he began to shift nervously. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the woman’s description out of his head. Sure, he was here to check on Es, but if someone happened to check him out at the same time, it was only right to be prepared… He straightened his shirt collar. He ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered if he should have covered up his eye to look more presentable.
The door swung open.
The surprise on Kotoko’s face was nowhere near the amount on Fuuta’s.
“Oh, for fucks sake –!”
From somewhere behind her, Es’ laughter rang out.
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#es#kotoko yuzuriha#the informal narration voice was a bit more than i usually do - i hope it wasnt too cheesy because i thought it was a ton of fun aasdfsdfs#in the first one it was cool to write kazui as avoiding naming shidou for pretty good reasons (he doesnt want to make amane upset and he#genuinely has a hard time talking about liking men after so many years of secrecy)#however. es has no such reasons. they are a little troll and their favorite activity is messing with fuuta. this is the most fun theyve#had all week. they actually hoped they could keep the lie up for a little longer.#i picture kotoko has chilled out a lot post-milgram BUT upon finding out fuuta once again tracked down a childs address she chases him off#(with es still dying in the background)#i firmly believe that bisexual fuuta my beloved would Not be immune to the idea of kotoko......#thank you for the request!!! adfsdf i hope you enjoyed#it took a hot second to write down but i was cracking up thinking about it the whole time#for the other adoption idea i figured i could spin it so fuutas government-job father had connections to help him get custody paperwork#but he doesnt come out and say what he needs it for so his dad just thinks his son is finally getting his life together and helping#someone else in need -- and fuuta himself doesnt realize right away that he just adopted a whole ass kid out of spite 💀#drabbles
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every time CR talks about each animated series being an adaptation and how the plot changes to suit the narrative—and thinking of how Taliesin said that his favorite thing about the animated show is getting the chance to change things up and surprise old fans…….CR if you keep Mollymauk alive longer in animated Nein I would be,, forever grateful--
#especially since the campaign begins with the circus and ends with the whole final arc leading up to lucien— 👀#like even if I didn’t love him so much and miss him terribly—#I think given how much everything has to be condensed and how#we still need molly around long enough for the last arc to have that#big emotional act..#I think it makes more sense#also just#starved for tealeaf content I would love to get to keep him for even just a little bit longer ; ;
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hiiii ^^ beastlife fishie analysis. spoilers ahead. etc etc
okay so. the main point of this is simple. I don't think the salmon head cursed c!fishie. Explaining that is the harder part I think. also i'm going to refer to the salmon head thing in e5 as "the incident" from here on out because frankly i think it's funny
Let's start with the incident. The big day. etc. What happened? Why did it happen? Obligatory third questioning statement? Well. She was gifted the salmon head for her birthday by kiwi(or like. someone in the kiwibird system. -bird system. the birds). Immediately upon receiving it she relives parts of season one and fishie herself doesn't really acknowledge it. The other players definitely notice but im not caught up enough in any other pov yet to like have thoughts on that I'll come back to that point someday. Fishie seems shaken, sure, but she moves on so quickly, especially considering what happened just there. 37 seconds of standing frozen, unresponsive. she recovers in 5 seconds. And seeing how she reacts later on to realizing the memory situation--if she was aware that happened, she would probably be concerned by it. She puts it on for a brief second at the end of the party and takes it off immediately. She's otherwise normal -- well. as normal as she is otherwise up to that point. Because that is also how she acts with pretty much any salmon head, even just kiwi herself.
I raise: Episode one, about 8:20 in. The slow zoom on kiwi as the static overtakes every other noise. This is the *exact* same behavior displayed when fishie receives the salmon head, albeit without actual concrete old video footage style flashbacks. In episode two (28:55ish) the same thing happens when she looks at the salmon head in moch's house, but this time there is technically a flashback -- kiwis grave. Fishie moves on immediately and doesn't acknowledge her behavior at all, and, seeing as it is fishie, im inclined to believe that means she does not know she is doing it. Fishie (when alone) will discuss all of her problems in immense, and usually misguided detail (bestie i promise kiwi doesn't hate you???) to the audience and/or herself. I mean she's not alone in episode one, and it is technically presession, and i guess getting struck by lightning is a decent distraction from your problems, but in episode two? She is completely alone. There is nobody with her. She went looking for moch and moch is not there. She still doesn't acknowledge the fiveish seconds she is completely frozen. This happens again and again with kiwi and salmon heads.
And then that leads you to e5. The incident. She's. well. she's doing worse. 0:50. "This will distract me if i leave it up." This is the first mention from fishie herself about how fucking weird she's being, and even then she doesn't seem concerned. I think she does not realize she's being so so incredibly weird about it. If the static and freezing is what's referred to as "distraction" then keeping it in her inventory makes it worse actually so it wouldn't really make sense unless the way it is distracting her is NOT the. well. whatever the fuck is wrong with her (affectionate). After she puts the head on there's the static all the time but for a short brief amount of time she's like significantly more normal and i don't really know if that means anything i just think it's really funny.
And then we all know what goes on during the incident i'm not analyzing this video frame by frame. um. i could. but i am not going to right now. And then she has the conversation on the table with kiwi where she like is normal for 5 minutes. Like genuinely the most. i guess stable? fishie's thought process is is like in the moments directly after the incident. She is immediately understanding with the antikiwi situation, they come to an agreement that they're like. okay now. "thank you for everything and im so sorry i couldnt do more" / "it was short, but it was nice" "i knew what i was getting into when i married you" etc etc and then they kind of rush it at the end because people won't stop dying. But then fishie is fishie and takes it in the complete opposite extreme (from. um. whatever was wrong up until now. to "oh kiwibird must secretly hate me because" and then there's no real good reason she's just like that) and it's also an issue. And i think the season two memory thing is also a part of that but this is so long already and so i'm not going to get into it rn. So bringing all of this back to my original point: the salmon head was not the cause of the curse(?) because she's been so weird all the time forever and the salmon head thing was just like. an effect. of whatever went Wrong(tm) in the season transition. like the head was a vessel to Be Worse about it but i feel like it would have worked with any salmon head she got her hands on and that it happened to be kiwico was a coincidence and also that the head wasn't cursed at all there's just something deeply wrong with fishie s3 in general and uh yeah 👍
I'm so sorry this is so disjointed i had a thesis statement and everything. alas
#whisp whispers#fishie beastlife spoilers#since i had to rewatch videos these tags will serve as going insane about details i missed that were irrelevant to the post#i could make a whole thing on the parallels between fishie and bree. 'at least im not the only one with a troubled love life' yeah i guess#this is taking me ages to finish because if i think about beastlife fishie too long it genuinely spikes my heart rate#i think there's something wrong with me#fishie and bree both leaping at the oppurtunity to trade with their exes is so funny to me#someone should do indepth research about the way fishie interacts with dingo because i haven't been paying attention to it#by 'someone' i mean me because i'm the only one who can do that. other beastlife fan if you see this. holds out hand do you want#to make an analysis post with me .......#i appreciate kiwi trying so hard to do bug facts because bree's moth take is toooo insane for him. we can yes and the alien bit he draws th#line at incorrect moth facts though#'im neutral this is just fascinating' <-really funny in retrospect#*this is also taking so long forever because i keep distracted by whatever the fuck is wrong with everyone that i can't remember how to lik#put things into words#for what is a housewife without a house and no longer a wife?#'sorry guys it's just gonna be a lot of decorating today' YOUUUU. YOU. (<quote from beginning of e5)#ratchelor pad guitar riff is horrid on 2x speed. never do this what i'm doing right now#one of my irls is still in awe of the 6person boogie kill (or rather how nobody noticed fishie preparing the 6person boogie#is it boogey or boogie#does oku falling off a pillar and dying in the middle of fishie lore also count as a fishie proximity death#fishies curse is that people won't stop dying in the death games#also hiiiii fishieeeee you said you enjoyed analaysis. um. this one went a little off the rails i think and is more theory than analysis#posting this and disappearing off the face of the internet. cringe is dead but like. i mean you get it
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Bruce: now, for the last part of this meeting
Dick, Jason, Tim, Stephanie, Damian, Cass, and Duke: ?
Bruce: -turns around to bring up a power point presentation, the title card of which just reads 'Please Be Normal About Tim'-
Bruce: -turns back around-
Bruce: ...Tim why are you the only one still here
Tim: I just like power point presentations
#Jason keeps beating up Tim and then chasing him around trying to get him to join him#including AFTER Tim kicked him directly in the balls#he had a whole murder board about Tim when he was stalking him#Damian also keeps trying to beat up/kill Tim and prove he is the 'superior Robin'#Dick is generally pretty chill but he and Tim have a history of getting into shenanigans together#also Dick has a tendency to go a bit feral when Tim is involved and hurt#Stephanie once said Tim had a 'bad case of the Stephs' and while I love that for her absolutely not#Cass neither wants to kill Tim nor be romantically entangled with him#which is good!#but like Dick she also goes along with his plans without as many follow up questions as she should probably have#and by 'as many' I mean 'any'#she pretended to stab him through the chest to throw off a bunch of assassins#and I'm pretty sure she didn't question a single second of it#Tim just turned to her like 'I have a fake sword and I need you to pretend to kill me with it'#Cass just gave a thumbs up with no follow-up questions#Duke#my beloved#I know he and Tim don't interact much in canon#but in my heart I feel he would not be normal about Tim either#like regular ass Tim Drake figuring out Batman's secret identity and deciding to just become Robin because Gotham and Batman need it?#attaching rockets to a skateboard to get around?#coming up with insane and convoluted plans and consistencies that don't make sense to anyone else?#plans and contingencies that WORK?#Duke would see Tim as aspirational and go along with whatever insane bullshit nonsense he comes up with just to see what happens#he would 100% be down for whatever Tim has planned and would absolutely feed into it#he just wants to crank that little chaos gremlin up to eleven and watch him go#Bruce is desperate to keep them from interacting in any capacity for longer than thirty seconds at a time because HE KNOWS#HE KNOWS what will happen if they ever team up#it's why he put them on separate shifts#for the record Bruce ALSO had to sit through this presentation
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....almost done, its almost over. i just have to keep surviving. push through. one more day and then i can rest for a day. then four and then ill have an actual weekend. you can totally do this me. yeah. yep. mandatory overtime is a bitch but your gonna crush it like you always do and have a super thick paycheck. you're gonna get it done.
#ready to either nap for an entire week or have a joint#not that i smoke anymore but its the feeling of literally being at my wits end#6 days. we are mandated 6 day weeks because of the dumb prime week 2.0#not complaining!!!!! but also am slightly complaining#shouting into the void#i need to just rest for a long long time#and i will!! just... got to push through for a little A LITTLE bit longer#i got audiobooks and music and fanfic to keep me company and the shifts easier but im just not sleeping well#bought some cds on target because of their buy 2 get one free sale on music last week. to treat myself because i need to honestly look#forward to something to push through for#im gonna call my dad tomorrow afternoon because holy crap i miss him. i feel like this week has been a million years#i just am pushing through#“surviving” is what i say to people when they ask me how i am#its true#im just doing my best but am going a little mental with it because im exhausted low key#not trying to vent but i am just tired#anyway yeah#for myself
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Fuck it what if not all ripped 6 pack abs. What then.
#honestly Halsin could have a bit more meat on him but I was really struggling with him so I’m taking him as he is#I do not know how to draw Gale.#frankly though him looking like he wandered out of an illuminated manuscript is too funny to redraw him#I switched La’zel and Astarion’s heights#(because yes everybody’s height was taken from lining up the party from the composition screens to get their rough heights)#because it’s fucked up and evil that Astarion is not a short king and that La’zel is only a little bit taller than Shadowheart#speaking of her I love big fuck off weight lifter Shadowheart and you can’t stop me#Wyll is now no longer the only one wearing period appropriate(ish) braises because the weirdly modern underwear weirds me out#I based everybody’s* body types off different Olympic athletes#*accept Gale because he’s a wizard and Halsin because I forgor#I settled on rock climber for Wyll because it felt the most fitting for him#La’zel is a mix of runner/basketball player because Gith are supposed to be tall and thin but she’s also one of the strongest party members#Astarion is a very dehydrated featherweight boxer#because again the man is short I will die on this hill it’s just the vibe#and finally Karlach is actually based on body builders but less in the superhero way and more in the.#has muscle but also really isn’t eating enough or the right stuff#way#making her La’zel and Astarion are the only ones who keep defined 6 packs#(La’zel gets one because Gith are canonically thin and so presumably naturally very low in body fat)#(and also because it draws attention away from her not having a belly button)#(I understand in some birds/reptiles it’s where the yolk sac attached but also that’s a cop out)#also she gets her facial scars from earlier versions because why the fuck doesn’t she#her body is so messed up and her face looks like she stole it#sketchin’#but only barely because I am not cleaning this up#Karlach and her scars AND tattoos can go back to hell
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The Ceaseless Watcher's Special Little Boy deserves to be comfortable<3
(Simply just how I imagine Jon dresses in the safehouse!)
#tma#the magnus archives#jon sims#jonathan sims#scottish safehouse period#I like to think that Martin made him the cat mug in a pottery class#some little things that I imagine with this drawing that you can't really tell:#His glasses do not have frames because I don't think that he would need them by this point#but he still wanted to wear some to feel more normal#plus without the lenses they won't smudge!#Martin both cut his hair a bit and painted his nails (also he has ear piercings)#jon wanted to keep his hair longer but it was getting a bit put of hand and wasn't well kept during season four#so he had Martin trim it so it would be nicer#the nail polish and ear rings are simply because they vibed#I definitely was not projecting onto him#noooo not at all#my art
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Gotta sweep up all this Dust (Patreon)
#Doodles#Mother 3#Duster#I am still thinking of He and yet he still hasn't completely come back into my crosshairs#If you can believe it - it was actually the fic printing that was like halfway to the goal of going out of my mind about him again and well-#Lol ♪ I do still plan to! I just underestimated how much of a run-up to him it would be#I'll get there! Certainly keeping busy in the meanwhile lol#But he does get /some/ screentime in the meantime at least haha#I actually injured my own ankle a while ago :P Couldn't tell you exactly when or what but it's been kinda flaring up lately#Mostly when I got for walks - doesn't have to be super long walks either which I'm not super jazzed about#But I did get an ankle compress-brace which has been good for it :) Can walk a bit more regularly!#It was mostly giving my pain away that prompted him back lol sorry Duster#I did at least power up the game to try and see which side his limp is on - it's hard to tell!#It looks like his strides are more confident/longer with his left leg but with the way his sprite mirrors sometimes but not other times#I don't know if he actually says which leg it is somewhere in the game either so I'm just projecting for now lol#I imagine it's only easier to stress out the strong side by overextending - why not both!#It's also still really fun to draw him covered in scars haha#Probably could've gone for arm hair too but it might've muddled the scars and aren't those the important part lol#And a little singy Duster/Lucky to round out :)#I imagine he has a weak voice if he tried projecting but hmm I'm not sure! I really do want to get to know him better!#There's gotta be a reason he was put on the bass right haha#Probably a nice whispery singing voice ♪
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Stellaron Hunters micro-crumbs in Acheron's trailer thank you Mihoyo.
#people WILL use this to make the most annoying memes conceivable but i'm just happy to see them#even if it's just another installment of 'sparkle does a little trolling'#i support her always and here especially#though it was just the usual 3#no sam#rational explanation is we really haven't seen sam enough yet so we keep him out of it to preserve his mystery a bit longer#funnier explanation is sparkle made the illusion so of course she didn't include sam she's specist#i love my awful funky girl#micro crumbs of the tiniest kind but any day i can hear liu yijia indulge in maniacal laughter is a good day#Thank You Mihoyo#god i miss my wife#hsr#ray's records
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 3: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should throw a coin into the mysterious well ….
"After nearly ten minutes rummaging through the disorganization at the bottom of his backpack, he finally approaches the well once again, meager coin pouch in hand. He meticulously balances a little golden coin on the tip of his thumb, positioning it just so for an elegant coin flip… With a flick of his hand, the coin wobbles off, anticlimactically dropping into the darkness.. He pouts, leaning in to listen for a plonk as the coin hits the water but… nothing…. silence.. A few minutes pass and he shrugs, moving to pick up his bag and just continue his journey elsewhere, when suddenly a faint noise echoes from the well.. an almost cartoonish plopping sound, like wet feet slapping against stone..? The pitter patter grows closer and closer…then stops abruptly. The adventurer cautiously slinks over to the well, only to find.. a creature of some sort, clinging to the walls, staring up at him blankly. - What should he do next?"
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#(I saw a few people tag these as that and I guess it makes sense. hmm)#DAY 3!!! vote to choose this little man's fate#Sad that people did not want to go into the well.. :( Maybe we can still go in depending on how things go with#The Creachure. I mean I know I could just make whatever happen anyway since I'm the one doing it but. It has to feel natural lol#it would be obviously just me doing what I want if I was like 'oh uh we went to throw the coin in the well but he tripped and#fell and then somehow didnt die and whoops he's in the well anyway!!'' lol#I care more about things being realistic and natural than following whatever ideas seem interesting. If it was voted for him to explode#into a million pieces sadly I would simply have to explode him. audience says#let me know if the formatting of this is weird?? also? I wasn't sure where to put the slightly longer bit of text#so I kept it under a reas more just to the post looks neater. I thought it'd seem weird with a bunch of text blocks sandwiching the poll#and too much going on. But I also feel like it's organizationally weird if all the details are at the end? eh..#bt then at least it's optional. not everyone will want to read more. And it's not like.. amazing text lol#I'm slapping them out off of the top of my head with minimal editing because I have to get it done and I know if I make it too complicated#or become concerned with like things being Perfectly Revised then I will absolutely not be able to do it once a day#Same with the obvious sketchy ms paint art lol. But so like. I dont feel as bad about kind of having the text be options#*optional since it's not like 'omg this is so good u have to read this' it's like.. eh.. passable amount of detail ghbj#ANYWAY. and 'paventure' (poll + adventure) is just temporary so I have a way to tag this on the blog/keep up with the posts#in a organized way. I think 'padventure' is more obvious but that's already the name of other things and I didnt want the tags to be#confusing or like.. post in some random tag that people already use for something else#but the only thing I found when googling 'paventure' is like. .some venture capital business from PA. and who cares about that lol#explanation probably not needed but I think it sounds a bit silly so I'm justifying myself to myself lol#ANYWAY. lov his silly hat. I want to draw him more. I want to name him. I COULD DO A POLL TO CHOOSE A NAME#but that wouldn't fit in with any of the days lol. maybe if I make it a week actually doing it or something at the end of the week#I could do a bonus poll or something. ??? idk.. ANYWAY.. new day!
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