#or I caught fucking covid again...
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me: *coughs* *wheeze* *coughs hard* *wheeze*
also me: WHY MUST THE AIR BE POISON WHYYYYYYY
#-pop#brought to you by me being deadified#I have to organise that fuking doctors appointment by fuck#I can't get so bad I need to be hospitalised again#I hate the hospital#the air is literally killing me.#every fucking autumn and winter I just have to cough my fucking lungs out smh#or I caught fucking covid again...#honestly I don't even know anymore#disability
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Bleh.
Probably gonna have to go back to PT lmao. I seem to be in and out so much...
#I slept funny and fucked up my neck/back/shoulder area because my body is a mess#The muscle relaxer hasn't helped like we hoped it would so gotta get a PT order...#I was really enjoying that area not hurting after the surgery and then i did something while sleeping >_>#Hopefully things go better this time last year I'm pretty sure#PT is where i caught covid lmao#I do NOT want that again...
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it has been a long fucking time since the shortness of breath has been tbis bad
#usually i could at least fall asleep by now but i really cannot find a position thst works#any position at all where i can semireliably get enough air in#still so fucking pissed off that out of everyone in my family im the onr who got long covid#when i caught it from THEM and i was the onr who masked the MOST!!!!#for all the FUCKING good it did me in the end and now i still do because if i catch iy again and this gets worse#then it could potentially fuckin kill me
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DOES NO ELSE KNOW THAT VICTOR AND JEROME WERE ON GAME OF THRONES?!
That’s right, folks, Francis Magee aka Victor Rodenmaar Jr. was on Game of Thrones, he played Yoren in S1-S2, a brother of the Night’s Watch and a recruiter for them as well. He made easy friends with Tyrion Lannister, Robb and Ned Stark, and eventually Arya Stark. He got along with Tyrion due to the fact that unlike his comrades, Yoren had a sense of humor. Imagine Victor but cool. And later on *spoilers if you haven’t seen the show*
when Ned’s put in public for execution and Arya managed to escape the Lannister guards, he sees her in the crowd and nods his head to Yoren to try to get her to safety. He does. And he holds her close and shields her ears when her father is executed.
Immediately after he cuts off Arya’s hair and instructs her to pretend to be a boy called Arry for her own safety whilst they travel back to the North. He planned on taking her to her brother Robb who became the current Lord of Winterfell following their father’s death.
Yoren is also the one to give Arya the idea for her infamous ‘list’. Her own hit list of people she’s planning on killing which she recites every night before going to sleep. It becomes so important to her ritual that she can’t even sleep before reciting it completely.
and as for Eugene Simon aka Jerome Clarke? He played Lancel Lannister, a cousin of Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion Lannister for S1-2, and S5-6.
He originally was just King Robert’s cup bearer and I think he was his squire? Can’t remember fully but I do know that whilst Jaime was out of King’s Landint, Lancel was the one keeping Cersei satisfied if you know what I mean. And yes, they’re cousins, and Cersei fucks her brother Jaime, this isn’t brand new or quite shocking, it’s pretty standard GoT. He’s even involved for killing the king as he kept supplying him with wine and alcohol during a hunt, a boar got to him and he couldn’t drunkenly defend himself.
Then he gets blackmailed by Tyrion for a bit S2 for fucking Cersei. Gets kicked back home too by the end I’m pretty sure. though we get to see him in armor for a bit:
Then comes back on S5 looking like this:
He becomes a very religious zealot as he believes he is ‘redeemed’ in the eyes of their gods, the Seven and he just gets very faith involved, even trying to ask Cersei, the Queen Mother, to absolve her sins by being honest about her incest with him (and her brother). She laughs him off very easily and even tries to use the other followers that the new Septon, the High Sparrow, has accumulated to her own gains by getting rid of her sons new wife, Margaery Tyrell, by having her brother Loras arrested for sleeping with men.
By S6 it gets progressively worse, not only did Cersei get what she wanted, her son’s wife, Margaery, gets taken away as well because she knew her brother was involved with men and ‘did not inform the church of these indiscretions’ so she has also sinned. But then Cersei gets a taste of her own medicine and she gets imprisoned too as Lancel has told the High Sparrow everything and he even gets this fucking carving on his forehead.
Cersei gets her revenge in a big way if you’ve seen the show.
#this is so wild to me that no one’s talked about it before#i watched got for the first time like two years ago during covid and i recognized them both and went insane over it but never checked around#if others already mentioned it but turns out no one’s talked about it?!#another weird fact: i got to see eugene simon’s a s s due to his after s*x scenes with cersei#i will never be able to look at jerome clarke the same way again#victor gets to be this important factor in arya’s story#if not for him she would’ve been caught probs and he tells her to pretend to be a boy#and he gives her the hit list ritual that becomes a HUGE part of her character#taylor swift made a reference to arya’s hit list in her look what you made me do song#and jerome gets to have his ass on display for fucking his cousin and then becomes a religious zealot#how did we get here#house of anubis#victor rodenmaar jr#francis magee#jerome clarke#eugene simon#hoa
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our mum caught some kind of illness maybe a week or so ago and has been coughing this whole time and lost her voice, and we've had like, occasional symptoms that made us think we were getting ill, but overall we've been suspiciously alright and don't seem to have whatever she's caught, which is... fucking weird considering we normally catch everything anyone in the household gets.
I have just noticed though that our sinuses don't feel great and our lymph nodes are pretty swollen and tender and I can feel our throat getting sore and like... oh no. please for the love of god I need this to just be our body being weird and not us having finally caught this
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#if we manage not to catch it then it'll be a miracle#we catch every single cold that anyone else in the house catches and we were ill almost continuously all winter#literally from mid-November to late February we were just constantly getting ill with colds and then the flu and covid#we'd start to recover and within maybe 2 or 3 days we'd have already caught something else#hence why it's been so fucking hard for us to keep up with a lot of the stuff we need to do and now our routine is fucked because of it#we're used to getting colds all winter because that always happens but like it fucking sucks and wrecks our ability to function#and now it's spring and we went a little while without getting ill and most of that was spent recovering#and we're just now getting back on track and managing to start catching up with stuff and it's such a huge relief#and I desperately do not want to have to deal with getting ill again#I'm hoping maybe I just overexerted worse than I realised yesterday and our post-exertional malaise is flaring up and that's what this is#but I'm also very aware that our immune system does not fucking work properly and someone in the house has been ill for like a week now
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#meg talks#. no way.#my tonsils are swollen again#there is no fucking way i caught strep AGAIN while im STILL RECOVERING FROM COVID
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my sister has taken to calling really fucking normal ass opinions "radically liberal" and i am so so so tired. so unbelievably tired. i thought university was supposed to turn u into a leftist, not just give you more language to shit on leftist politics. what the fuck.
#like. ''police hurt people sometimes'' or ''addicts are people too'' or ''homeless people should be given shelter somewhere''#i think those are fairly normal baseline opinions to have. and yet!!!#idk man i think i am going to do something very bad to myself soon. im so fucking tired. i cannot keep this up for much longer#literally i am getting physically ill these past two weeks. like i took a covid test today bc i thought maybe i somehow caught covid again#but no its just. stress. and everything. im having dizzy spells where i cant hold myself upright and almost pass out ???#i am nauseous and shaky 90% of the day??? its not hunger related either (although the nausea gets worse after eating lmfao)#like i just. i cant do this. unfortunately im the fastest crocheter in the system so nobody else can take over#which puts me in uhhhh. well. a lot of danger if im honest. i dont do well w this month ever.#usually have lots of huge memory gaps and occasional blackouts. so im not feeling well from having to be front constantly this year#i just. idk. idk! theres nothing to be done for any of it and i just have to hope I survive it i fucking guess#really being pushed past my limits though. i can count on one hand the amount of times stress has made me physically sick.#this is scary honestly. call me scooby the way i cant fucking doo this anymore!!!!!!#suicide mention#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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#wastepaper basket#Fucking got covid again right as my sister came over to visit & am not gonna be able to see her before she goes home now I'm rly upset#I hate that I'm more careful than literally almost everyone else around me & this still manages to happen#I know it's just bad luck & it's not like I could avoid it cause I caught it off my mum but it still feels unfair#AND I'M STILL GONNA HAVE TO WORK AS WELL
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got covid for the second time, yaaaaay
#i'm a boring person with a boring life this isn't fair lol#almost certainly caught it from my pub job AGAIN#i thought it was just a bad cold but then i noticed that even when my nose wasn't blocked i couldn't smell anything so did a test#i was supposed to be babysitting my stepbrother this weekend so my dad and stepmum can go away#and my brother and step sister are both busy this weekend for other reasons so they have no backups#and they probably have to cancel their trip#i feel worse about letting them down than i do about having the rona which probably says something about me#that being said i do feel pretty fucking crap and have all week#so at least now i feel justified in sitting in a pile of blankets and doing nothing all day#sigh#covid
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>:(((
#mental headspace has already been so rough. from literal traumatizing events happening to self esteem to feeling like everyone hates me#but then to boost its been high temperatures. i live in a super old trailer with a tin roof so it's been 80+ degrees in my house for a week#and then my sister whos so fucking irresponsible and refuses to take any safety measures caught covid#i have asthma and a weak immune system. i barely go into a store even because of it and always wear 1 or even 2 masks#because i just CANT afford that fucking risk. im still suffering from long covid from where i caught it ages ago.#she still wont wear a mask so I have to despite it already being difficult to breathe from the heat & humidity#but those paired with chronic pain flare up and again bad mental space and besties imma be honest and say i am at my fucking limit !!!#also my father is a truck driver and the company he works for just took his trip away which will largely effect his paycheck#so yknow. fingers crossed my electricity doesnt get cut off again lmao.#delete later#vent in tags
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#so there’s a covid outbreak at the nursing home where my grandma is#and my father has refused to stop visiting her so he’s been going anyways#got the call that she has covid 🙃#she’s thankfully asymptomatic and they’re gonna give her that medicine that makes it not as intense just in case#but me and my and my husband are all furious with him because now we’ve all potentially been exposed#this is how we caught it last time- he refused to stop visiting and then he caught it and gave it to all of us#the cherry on top was that he only lost his sense of smell- the rest of us got hit like a fucking truck#and I got long covid#which was finally starting to improve and go away five fucking months later#I’m gonna be so pissed if we all catch it again and I get long covid again#anyways send good vibes that hopefully we don’t get it again#but I’m not very hopeful about that#I haven’t been feeling 100% the past few days#it’s either allergies or he already infected me :/#we need to get fucking out of here 🙃#I’m so angry
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I am straight up NOT having a good time right now
#adhd hell brain trying to do schoolwork at the last minute#this is so stupid because technically I'm ''studying''#but actually I get GRADED on this stupid REVIEW SHEET based on how detailed it is#which isn't how I study at all but whatever#straight up just feels like the stupid busy work they gave me in high school#that used to take me like 6 hours because it was so boring I couldn't focus on it#and college courses basically never make you do stupid shit like that but this professor is built different <3#honestly with the state MY fucking brain is in right now I'd probably just try my luck with the test#maybe just study a few of the things I'm less sure about because that's all I've got the mana for#I got fucking MARKED DOWN for my LAST study guide for ''not being detailed enough''#like what do you want from me? this is how I study and I got a 92% so CLEARLY it works for me#also not for nothing the specific part I got marked down for was the material we covered in the class I had to miss#because I caught covid IN HER CLASS#and I'd emailed her to ask what I should do to catch up on that material#because she deliberately doesn't put the information from lectures on her slides#and she didn't answer me until AFTER we'd already taken the exam for that material#also not for nothing (again) but I'm pretty sure SHE also caught covid because she was coughing for like two weeks#around the time there was a known exposure in our class#and not only did she continue doing class in person#she didn't even wear a fucking mask!!
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I have fucking COVID I got COVID even though I haven't really left my house in like a month, I'm sick in bed AGAIN and I'm fucking miserable like why do I need to be tormented by the many afflictions?
#i was sick in bed and then i was fine for a week#then i caught something unrelated and was sick in bed#and then i was fine for another week#and now ive got fucking covid#so im sick in bed AGAIN#im literally so careful about this shit but i get sick so easily i hate this
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thank GODDD the doctor is taking time to work on himself maybe now he can stop ruining womens lives .
#mildly joke but im so excited those specials were so fun...#we watched all the 14th dr specials bc Major donna fan ohh my god they were fun i liked them....#i worry im like. being unfair somehow. but i loved like..some of the things with 13 i just likee. the writing it was..off to me... sigh. i#rly wish her seasons had better writers i suppose. BUT. im excited bc my mom told me 15s run is super good so far#i cant believe im almost caught up wndr who. a crazy world i live in. i suppose next me and my mom will have to huddle around an old timey#radio like max n ruby to listen to the audio dramas#and then wencan read bedtime stories to eachother or something#Or of course i could just track down the old series. KDNFJFN. but the computer always its a commodity...#but ya. those were funn i rly liked the like. 2 of them had a bit of body horror like. mild babys first body horror. but i liked it. and#they were funnyyy god i missed donna so bad the show is SO funny with her there. the chemistry w her and 10nis just chefs kiss. loves it#i feel bad bc i liked the like. Suggested personalities of the last companions but they felt kind of lackluster in practice ? like..it felt#like we were told how they were but in practice they kind of just. were there. and then would react to the dr. and then were judt there#idk... i wish they had been more like. fleshed out one supposes#it rly to me feels like they spent 13s seasons kind of just farting around and then covid hit and they were like Fuck now we have to like.#avtually write a plot#flux was like. i think you can do a storyline w like. a bunch of different plotlines that all ties up but it was confusing#😭😭 it ws like. ig rhe most engaged i was w/ 13 but thats just bc stuff was being thrown at me constantly...#but ya. its rly nice to see donna again after having a bunch of companions who just didnt feel like they got their time to shine. in my eyes#bc donna feels so well written and real and like. believable to me. like it feels like shes an active member instead of like. just standing#around and then having her alloted 4 minute emotional conversation before jumping back into action. yk#also i literally said as soon as the bigeneration happens Oh rhis is good 14 can judt go be a weird uncle. ajd then he literally did#so funny tho that rose and donna get their own tennant doctors and then my best friend martha is just chopped liver ig.#good for her tho. that man needs to stay away from her (joke)#but ya. YAY. intrigued by nailpolish woman its also fun bc weve gotten to the point where my mom has only watched the episodes once#so she knows less and its more fresh for her#which is rly fun. im a little worried about umm. when were fully caught up#bc i believe my mom and dad watch the eps together#and like. yk. much love to my dad but like. idk me and my mom have a specific sort of banter when we watch and like. he sits in sometimes#and i tend to just go silent 😭😭😭#its like. not a conscious thing i just. yk. i have trouble being Relaxed when theyre in the same room together
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#genuinely though i think i need to try and get (back) on medication for my chronic pain#the only reaso. i didnt when it was offered is bc the trwatment they wnated to use involved and ssri and i cant be#on an ssri without being on a mood stabilizer unless we want me to go into a mania#and the last time i was on a mood stabilizer i lost 15% of my body weight bc of how sick it made me and my gastrointestinal tract still#hasnt recovered from that even though its been 7 years atleast at this point#and 15% of your body mass is alot to fucking lose when you only weigh 112 pounds in the first place#ive also STILL not gained that weight back btw#i only weigh like 105#i feel like i look like a fucking victorian waif who needs to be sent to the seaside for their health#but atleast i dont weight 98 pounds anymore bc that was really scary actually#also and the main point of this all is that if i dont do something im going A flunk out of grad school and B possibly killmyself#bc my mental health is actially so bad right now. my suicidal ideation is the worst its been since my early 20s#lile there is a part of my brain that actively wants to die bc then everything would stop hurting and bc im so tired and i just want to rest#but also i dont want to die actually im just tired and afraid#but my brain is trying to kill me#and ive had the strong urge to start self harming again after being clean of it again since my early 20s#like ive caught myself ruminating on it on how much i want it#both selfharm and death and thats so fucking scary bc ive fought so hard to not do either of those things#ive been clean of self harm since i was 21 thats 7 years and the last time i caught myself actively thinking about sucide or selfharm#was in 2020 during covid lockdown bc i was fucking trapped in a house with my ex who didnt give a shit about my psychosis or its triggers#or even my life apparently bc i begged him to lock up his guns during one of the worst episodes i had during lockdown bc my brain was#telling me to kill myself and he didnt just moved them to a shelf kinda out of the way but still easily accessible
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i am going to be soooo fucked for this therapy appt _(:_」∠)_
#going to just play sudoku i guess. fuck me fuck this fuck sleep#doesnt help that im also an insomniac dhdjdmsl so. weh.#I've ran through five whole scenes for my story writing and usually i only get thru one at most before sleep hits#the issue is every time I think mother is done moving around upstairs she starts up again#and then i get upset and then my heart starts pounding and then i Definitely cannot sleep#and then by the time i settle down and am just abt to drift off she starts moving around again and it repeats over and over and over#i feel so ill dnfkdl i wish i was sick rn too so that I'd be allowed to be outwardly miserable and she might care that she's keeping me up#but alas dndksl i havent caught whatever it is that both parents have had now (not covid apparently) so i just have to keep being nicey nice#i hate this so much djfkdl she is sick and that sucks so bad and she is miserable and thats awful but also. i would like to sleep.#but i should not be upset bc she is suffering and if i wanted to sleep so bad i just Would i guess. i must not need sleep if i cant sleep#like if i rly needed it I'd probably be able to sleep through any amount of noise ? idk#hello 3am my most despised frenemy. i love you for being a good number but i hate seeing you bc it means im Awake#if i cry in my therapy appt maybe something good will happen !! maybe i will be taken away and put somewhere safe where i can sleep#eeuggfhhhh. weh. whiny whiny sorry fjfkdl i will go play sudoku and pretend that I've already slept several hours and the day will come#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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