#and he gives her the hit list ritual that becomes a HUGE part of her character | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

themushroomgoesyeet · 11 months ago

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Hehe I'm excited for this, and y'all can get some pre-plague lore about Merf! (I'm currently oscillating between making a post about Merf's past life here or just writing a full on fic about it so for now this is what you get)

Merf's Character Dynamics With the M6

(listed in true Brainrot fashion ;D)

Julian

- despite all the sass between them, they're actually very good friends

- dramatic? Bookworms? Speaking primarily in sarcasm? Mentally unstable? Secretly sweethearts beneath all the deadpan snarkiness? Yeah they hit it off great together

- since Merf doesn't drink she does have to be that one sober friend™ sometimes when the raven gets a little too rowdy, and will usually gang up with Asra to make fun of Julian in the morning when he's hung over

- despite needing a couple more years in medical school (and to Muriel's mild annoyance), Julian immediately became Merf's go-to physician, as well as a through line to Mazelinka & her soup the second Merf was introduced to it.

- will sometimes go to see Julian's plays on date night with Muriel

- in her past life, Merf didn't really know Julian until after the plague hit. When she turned the shop into a goodwill center dealing out relief for plague victims and their families, Julian ended up being a frequent customer for medical supplies. They quickly became friends, and Merf became a huge source of information for Julian's research since she dealt with plague victims on the daily.

- unfortunately, Julian was also the one to watch Merf get dragged off to the quarantine island when she eventually caught the plague, and Julian was also the one to bear the bad news to Asra afterwards.

Asra

- Merf's first best friend

- the person who knows Merf the best besides Muriel

- even though Merf doesn't live in the shop anymore, she still comes in to work there part time.

- Asra has yet to convince Merf to give him full custody of the shop, even though he has to pay rent now; Merf is of the idea that as long as she's still the legal owner then Asra won't be able to burn it down on accident

- it took Merf three whole months to finally convince Asra and Julian to propose to each other, and two more months to convince them to agree on a date for the wedding

- outside of work, Merf enjoys spending quiet afternoons with Asra - either with the rest of their friends or without - and will occasionally participate in a prank

- in Merf's past life, she and Asra met when he visited her shop one day to get magical components for a spell. (For those who haven't read my fic) Merf didn't have any magical abilities at the time, so her shop was devoted mostly to selling herbs, gemstones & crystals, talismans, and other apothecary type products both plain and magical. Merf thought Asra was a pretty interesting character, and quickly became friends with him with every visit he made to the shop.

- the true turning point in Merf and Asra's relationship though was when Merf was running errands one day and discovered Asra's fortune-telling stall on the street. Before Asra could even explain anything Merf had already given him a bed in her shop, and that was how it became a proper magic and fortune-telling shop instead of a regular apothecary.

- when the plague hit, Merf and Asra had a falling out. Merf wanted to stay in the city and put the shop to good use helping others, while Asra wanted to leave the city so that they could be safe until the plague blew over. After a pretty bitter argument, the two went their separate ways and stayed that way until Merf died.

- it was quite a shock to Asra when he was visited post-ritual by a gruff pirate captain holding a newly-resurrected Merf in his arms

- especially since Merf no longer looked human

- it was an even bigger shock when they both discovered Merf had magic, and Asra quickly had to become mentor before Merf set something on fire by accident

- it actually took a while after Lucio's defeat for the subject of Merf's resurrection to come up with the rest of the M6, and boy oh boy did Merf and Muriel give Asra an earful for not saying anything about the ritual for three years

- Asra definitely knows now more than ever to be up front and honest with Merf - unless it's a surprise and/or gift that will be revealed anyway

Nadia

- not many people in Vesuvia can say that they're best friends with the Countess, and Merf is very smug about that fact

- most of Merf's visits to the palace begin with an invitation to tea with Nadia, and end with Muriel dragging Merf away from the palace library by the scruff of her neck as the sun sets on the horizon

- teatime conversations can consist of anything ranging from Merf's latest hyperfixation to advice for the current event Nadia's planning

- occasionally Merf will get a note from Chandra asking her to come to the palace and model a bit to help Nadia think; both of them have discovered that Merf's artist eye is excellent for picking out colors and patterns that work well together

- Merf can't thank Nadia enough for her help in organizing a museum exhibit devoted to Khamgalai's tapestries and the history of the Kokhuri, as well as organizing the Kokhuri of Vesuvia and beyond.

- there's a special section of the wardrobe devoted to the fabulous clothes Nadia has gifted Merf and Muriel, as well as a jewelry stand Muriel made for all the new jewelry Nadia has bestowed upon Merf

- past life! Merf didn't have much of an impression of Nadia beyond rumors, so she would have had the same reaction if she scene where they meet in the shop had happened before the plague

Muriel

- if you couldn't tell by what I've already written, Merf and Muriel are married :D

- to absolutely no one's surprise, they were the first out of their new friend group to tie the knot, with Asra and Julian following over a year afterwards (Merf is slowly working on helping Portia woo Nadia)

- it's hard to put into words how right Merf and Muriel fit together; Merf helped Muriel see that life is something that's meant to be lived, and without either of them realizing it Muriel ended up being everything Merf wanted in a man

- kind and caring? Check. A good listener who cares deeply about her and her wants and needs? Check. A fellow introvert content to stay home and do nothing? Check. A cuddle buddy for life? Check. A man who thinks sex is a question and the answer is probably not? Check. Ridiculously handsome? Hell yeah, double check!

- and then there were the things Merf wasn't even expecting to fall in love with; the adorable way her husband blushes at affection, all the carved gifts, seeing him laugh and smile every day, being kissed-

- Merf can keep going ad infinitem about how amazing it is to be in love with her husband, he can literally do no wrong in her eyes

- also getting to live in the woods is a plus

- Inanna is the bestest girl in the world and words cannot express how much Merf loves her

- date nights. All the time.

- some of her new favorite memories are getting to visit Khamgalai with Muriel in dreams

- and of course one of the biggest and most important projects of Merf's life is helping Muriel bring the Kokhuri back together, because she has a family again and she's not about to let it go any time soon

- the size contrast between Merf and Muriel is hilarious; everyone knows Muriel is 6' 10", and (for those who haven't read the fic or seen my blog) Merf is 5' 3". They are both very aware that Merf fits into the tiny but mighty wife trope, and most of the time it's hilarious

- good husbands and wives mentally spiral together, and these two are no exception. Muriel quickly learns to remember the things that Merf forgets, as well as get her back on track when ADD moments cause her to jump between ten different tasks at once. They also do a great job of cancelling out each other's anxiety/depression moments, and panic attacks between the two of them are rare and over quickly now that they're together.

- it was actually pretty funny when Asra tried to introduce Merf to Muriel pre-plague, because Muriel and Merf already knew each other due to Merf's frequent wanderings in the forest. Asra was pissed that no one told him, and even more pissed that Merf wouldn't stop laughing

Portia

- they are besties your honor

- what time Merf is not spending at the palace library or with Nadia, she is hanging out with Portia and the wait staff

- the kitchen all know what Merf likes and make a game of guessing what she's in the mood for

- it didn't take very long for Merf and Portia to be nearly as close as Merf is with Asra and Muriel, there's so much for them to talk about

- especially books, they are the best book buddies ever. Sometimes Nadia has to help Muriel drag Merf and Portia out of the library

- they are each other's worst enablers, if a question is asked the immediate response is do it

- unless it comes to self care, and then they both berate each other for not doing it

- Merf and Asra are also in the interesting position of mentoring Portia in magic, after Portia frantically bursting into the hut one night after magically setting her fist on fire (no one was hurt, although everyone was a little bit shaken). Julian is not thrilled

- speaking of Julian, Merf and Portia like to prank him a lot. Now that Portia's learning magic there are three magicians intent on giving Julian grief; this man knows no peace

Lucio

- ......

- *inhale*

- F*K YOU GOATMAN >:)

- after the games, Merf went missing for a bit. They finally found her dancing on top of the bridge leading to the palace, shouting, "I disrespect your bridge goatman! Look at how I dance on it, it's my bridge now! You want me off this bridge, you're gonna have to kill me!"

- reactions were mixed, ranging from confused (Nadia & Muriel) to dying of laughter (Julian, Portia, and Asra)

- you tortured my husband and friends and tried to kill all of them, I have no sympathy for you

- and I'm not sorry either ;)

- past life! Merf also disagreed with Lucio and his methods, and graffitied several of his statues

#the arcana #MC/LI dynamic #vesuvia weekly #the arcana game #muriel the arcana #the arcana muriel #muriel of the kokhuri #arcana #arcana mc #fanfic #count lucio #nadia satrinava #portia devorak #julian devorak #asra alnazar

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itsuki-minamy · 4 years ago

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“K - THE FIRST STORY”

CHAPTER 6: SIN (Complete)

* K - The First Story (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

"I will be a servant of the king."

When he first told him that, he thought this kid might be a little crazy.

Suoh met Tatara Totsuka when he was a high school student and Totsuka was a middle school student.

Suoh at that time was not yet a "king", he was just a boy who was strong in fighting. Rather, Suoh, who was rejected by those around him, did not socialize, and lived properly alone, was far from being a King.

However, Totsuka appeared at one point and followed Suoh calling him "King". At the end of the day, he said, "I will be a servant of the king."

He thought he might be crazy, but Suoh did not reject Totsuka. He thought it was okay for him to like him, and the friendly but not greasy Totsuka was not unpleasant, and when he realized it, he was like a friend.

Because he was close to Suoh, who had many enemies, Totsuka had been lynched. However, Totsuka, who broke his leg, broke the bones in his arm and fingers, broke his forehead and was lying in the hospital bed covered in bandages, laughed without breaking his usual tone. He shook off the question of who had hurt him and enveloped him in smoke. Although he called himself the servant of a king, he was too free to answer even a question from the person he called king.

"For the time being, I'll be going home."

Suoh was amazed and said that. It was a summer day shortly after Totsuka's wounds were completely healed.

Suoh went to the festival with Totsuka and Kusanagi. Kusanagi and Suoh, who were seniors and juniors from the same high school, naturally mixed with Totsuka, and by that time, it was becoming more common for the three of them to hang out together, and that day too, when he was walking with him. at night, he hears the noise of the festival passing by.

"I want to eat takoyaki! Come to the festival." Totsuka said, and Suoh replied, "I'm sorry." Totsuka looked a bit thoughtful and suggested, "Then the person who loses the game will go buy it." He said that thinking it was a good idea. Even if Suoh had a sour face, Totsuka was ready to say "Janken...", Kusanagi laughed and joined in, so Suoh made a move as well. Suoh takes his fist out of him, but Totsuka and Kusanagi spread their palms open. Suoh got even more astringent, but it was a game that he accidentally got into. When he silently turned towards the hustle and bustle of the festival, Kusanagi said in an interesting voice, "Unexpectedly disciplined.", and Totsuka said, "It looks like fun, so let's follow him, Kusanagi-san."

He then thought he should go, but in the end he let his like it and the three of them walked between the stalls.

The crowd was woody, but hunger was fueled when he walked in the sound and smell of baked food.

Wandering the stall-lined streets, he bought some food, sat on the stone steps of the shrine, and Suoh looked good-naturedly at Totsuka piercing the takoyaki as he polished grilled corn with the fragrant aroma of burnt soy sauce. "What are you coming home to?" He said.

Totsuka tilted his head with a sharp look.

"You are not a servant, no matter what you think."

"Sure. I don't think there is any servant who wants to let the king go buy takoyaki."

Kusanagi puts the yakisoba on his knee and breaks the chopsticks.

Totsuka frowns in regret.

"I didn't let you go. I played fair. After all, the three of us went shopping."

"You do what you want."

Laughing at Kusanagi, Totsuka put a regretful look on his mouth. He was flirting with the heat.

"Your vision of the servants is certainly a mystery. No, when you said you would be a servant of the king, I had already thought that your idea was a mystery."

He swallowed the Takoyaki and thought Totsuka was weird. Kusanagi turned the tea from the side.

"Mikoto, King. What do you want to call him?"

"Oh, that's right. King, I wanted to call him 'King' because he felt like a king from the first glance."

Totsuka made a serious face and looked straight ahead.

"I think one day he will be a great person in the midst of people. At that time, I will work harder than I do now."

"What a servant job."

"In that case... Do you give the king a good laugh?"

"He is an entertainer who makes you laugh."

Totsuka laughed and saw Suoh.

"I'm the one who brings 'fun'. I'll keep doing it until King says he doesn't need me."

"I do not want."

"Bye."

"Hey. Isn't it useless to say no?"

He was a strange and energetic guy. But in the end, Suoh really enjoyed the festival that day.

King was supposed to be just a playful nickname given by Totsuka, but three years later, Suoh really became known as the King.

It was an awakening in the conflict. There was a big dispute involving the entire city of Shizume, Suoh was attacked by a man and during the fight, the Slate called out to him.

In the darkness he was thrown into, losing sight of his surroundings, Suoh felt his heartbeat synchronize with something.

The moment he instinctively felt that it was the beat of the "Slate", the power, memory and intention of the "Slate" flowed towards Suoh.

Suoh became "King". A huge red sword floated in the sky.

The Sword of Damocles.

A test of the "King", a symbol of the power of the "King", and a sword that judges and kills the "King".

Shame made him feel lost, which was rare for Suoh. Totsuka also thought that he might have been chosen by a strange man and because he called him by a stupid name.

Kusanagi and Totsuka looked at each other stunned, and Suoh spread his flaming hands and asked, without giving any explanation.

"Would you like to hold my hand?"

Suoh knew from "King's" instinct that if this flame passed, a part of Suoh's power would take root in them, but they didn't understand exactly what would happen if they took that hand. Others would not have. Still, they took Suoh's hand on fire without hesitation.

At that moment, Suoh chose a path. It is a way of making friends. It is a lie to say that he never thought that his choice was wrong, but it is also different if they ask him if he regrets.

Kusanagi and Totsuka also chose a path. They took Suoh's hand, and chose a path where they could enjoy Suoh's flames.

As soon as they took his hand, Kusanagi's and Totsuka's body was engulfed in flames. The flame did not burn them, but settled on their bodies. He did not inflict a single burn, but instead left proof that they were members of Suoh's clan on their bodies. On Kusanagi's right shoulder blade and Totsuka's left shoulder blade, a red figure of a flame emerged. The shape of the flame that inhabits the interior has emerged on the surface of the skin and is now permeating as a symbol of "Homura".

Even if Totsuka unexpectedly noticed the claim to "become a servant of the king" as the playful words he said when he was in high school, nothing changed.

As usual, he was free, he did not listen to Suoh's words and he lived happily as he liked.

Suoh offered a hand to anyone who asked, so the number of friends increased one after another. People who do not have a container to accept the flame will see pain, but many people who are prepared to hold the burning hand manage to accept the flame and gain power.

The ritual that gives birth to a Clansman. It seems that rigid people call it "installation", but in "Homura", the term "test" was repeated, and the number of people increased, and Suoh was placed on top of many people. He had the appearance of a "king".

Kusanagi and Totsuka formed, turned and organized a group of friends named "Homura" instead of Suoh, who was there. Kusanagi ran the organization with his skill, and Totsuka with his natural personality became a lubricant among the people, and created a place where the people gathered there could think of a "whereabouts".

It was just when he became a member of "Homura".

That day there was a silly conflict with the mob, and Suoh came out. He left behind the swirling flames and heat in his body and went all the way to radiate even a little.

The power of the "Red King" was out of control for Suoh. A mass of power like magma was so close to Suoh's nature and desires that he often seduced him.

The temptation to unleash all power, burn all the bonds that cling to him, destroy all the fences around him, and turn the area into a free and wide desert.

Even before he woke up as "King", that urge slept deep in his stomach. But he now he has the power to do it. If Suoh wants, he can destroy everything and turn the world into a scorched field.

Suoh had no choice but to suppress the pesky temptations and urges and sometimes diverge the power from him in small amounts.

That's why he also went to the battlefield that day. However, the result was only a punishment. They were just fragile humans, trying to pull the opponent's weapons from him, the mob, and Suoh could only make the gesture of wielding a small limb by gently shaking his fist, which was restrained. Only the disease of the weak, as if intimidating, was left as a harsh aftertaste.

"I'm stressed."

When he returned to the HOMRA Bar, Kusanagi muttered with a sigh that seemed astonished. Anna, who was waiting at the bar, ran over and sat next to Suoh, who sat on the couch. Suoh looked at his right hand on his fist, not looking at her.

It is a fist that has just hit a person. The people around him flew and fell just by waving their arms without taking a step. If he put a little more effort into it, the shape of the person would surely collapse, and if he had increased the flame output a little more, it would have been burned to pieces.

Energy and heat with nowhere to go corrode Suoh from within.

He was so frustrated that he couldn't breathe. When he impulsively stood up, a soft, carefree voice rang out.

"Today's dinner is Thai soup!"

At that voice, the pressure that was tearing the outer skin from within Suoh relaxed, and Suoh stopped. He relaxed the fist he was holding firmly enough to make a sound. He looks up.

On the couch opposite, there was a bundle of white blanket. The edge of the blanket turned and Totsuka who was lying down came out.

"Are you here?"

"Of course. This is my place to nap. Thanks for your hard work."

Suoh lowered his fist in dismay at Totsuka, who was waking up with a relaxed voice.

"What job? It was a boring skirmish."

Totsuka finished waking up and got up. The blanket was still covering him, making him look like a monk.

"Kusanagi-san was wondering why King would move."

Suoh looked at Kusanagi at the counter. Kusanagi is polishing the glass as usual. Suoh himself was aware that he didn't need to do anything today. Although they didn't need to have Suoh, he came out and shook his fist, and as a result, he was recruiting more people.

A small sentence leaked out, leaning against the couch as if to throw it away.

"Why did I become a 'King'?"

"I knew from the beginning, that you were different from other people."

From the moment they met, Totsuka called Suoh "King". At the time, it can be said that Totsuka seemed to be crazy, but in the end he was right, and Suoh became the "Red King".

However, even now, Suoh still feels awkward about being in the "King" position.

Yata and the others treat "Homura's scarlet" as the most important thing. He is proud of the "sign" that appears below his left clavicle as proof of his partner, he looks at Suoh with hopeful eyes and defines "Homura" as the place where he lives. It's not just Yata. This is the case with many people in "Homura".

However, that power was also a straitjacket.

"I seem to attract everyone's attention. What kind of king is that?"

"Even if you say that, you are very important."

Totsuka said that with an unexpectedly serious voice.

He can't argue with him, Suoh folds his mouth into a U shape.

Totsuka smiled and pointed to the side. When he shifted his gaze according to Totsuka's fingertips, he met the big eyes of Anna sitting next to Suoh.

Anna's red eyes see through many things. Suoh was reluctant to see what was inside her in her eyes, and gently moved his gaze from her.

He cannot argue with Anna, the flame-burning friends with Suoh, Kusanagi and Totsuka, who have been by his side since he was a student, and this place where they meet.

But because of that, Suoh also feels clinging. He can't go anywhere because it's important. And if he makes a mistake, he will burn them.

Suoh looked at his palm. This is probably the hand of the mighty King.

But what is the "King" for? What will this hand, which has the power of destruction and the power of ruin, do in the future?

"I will one day."

Suoh spilled those words.

"Hey. Somehow, everything will work out."

Totsuka said that in a singing voice and stood up slowly.

"You have always been the carefree type."

Suoh said that with weakening consternation, and Totsuka came around the table and approached Suoh.

With a soft, confident smile, Totsuka looked at Suoh.

"There is nothing to fear. You are a King. Your power is not to destroy."

Totsuka points his fist towards Suoh, who reflexively catches it with his palm.

"It is there to protect."

Totsuka laughed, putting his powerless white fist in the hand of the "King" who has the power to destroy everything if he wanted to.

"I assure you."

Suoh looked at Totsuka for a while.

Totsuka once said that he would be the one to bring "fun" to the king. When he caught on, Totsuka certainly brought fun things to Suoh one after another, making an increasing number of friends laugh and creating a nice place to stay.

Suoh's power is said to be to protect, although the place may be erased.

Although he is not ignorant of the horror of fire.

He thought he should say something, but no good words came out, and in the end Suoh said in a silly voice that it didn't matter.

"What kind of soup?"

"Have you never tried it? It's like a hot and sour soup. It's reddish and looks really spicy, but it has an unexpected complex flavor."

Totsuka happily talks about a soup with a strange name that seems to be today's dinner. Anna, who had been sitting next to Suoh in silence until then, leaned forward a bit.

"It's red?"

"That's right, it's red. Anna, let's do it together."

"You are going to cook?"

Totsuka made a peace sign and laughed.

"I really like to cook right now."

Totsuka was an amateur. He tried to do what he thought was fun and his friends were involved in that hobby.

The Thai soup, which Totsuka made with Anna, seems to have been a time when cooking was among his hobbies, it had many spices and fragrances that Suoh would eat for the first time, and it certainly had a complicated taste. It seemed to be redder than usual, probably to please Anna, who can only see the color red. The shrimp inside were delicious.

Suoh often has nightmares.

The dream usually comes when Suoh is about to lose power stability.

In his dream, Suoh is rumored to be on fire. The flames in his body roar in search of freedom.

The flame erupted violently from inside the body, and Suoh shed his fangs, driven by the sweet temptation to release it.

Suoh, who removed his fangs, turns into a beast. Human society, thoughts, ethics, emotions and all that kind of thing disappear and they become a fiery beast that is just instinct.

The flames thrown by Suoh turned into a fierce fire and swallowed the city. The familiar cityscape is burned by flames, swallowed up by boiling magma, and collapses.

The creatures evaporate blood, bones melt, and even ash disappears.

Suoh felt overwhelming pleasure as he gave in to the urge to destroy and blaze through him. The soul cried out for joy as it submerged freely and became a mass of pure power.

However, in a world where flames have witnessed it all, the city has dwindled and no one is alive, including his friends, Suoh stands up.

The world where the flames were extinguished was cold, and Suoh knelt to collapse.

In a cold world that has changed from the previous one, only Suoh is hot, and Suoh's breath is tinted white as smoke.

He is afraid of this all the time.

He feels that that moment will come one day.

Even if the world cools down, the flames in Suoh will not go out and the black charcoal will spread from Suoh's palm to the entire body as if the flames were eroding.

Suoh was terrified, as it seemed to be a sign that he himself was no longer human.

No, he is no longer really human. That hand is the hand of a monster that destroys everything.

At the top, he can hear the collapse of the sword of Damocles. It will soon reach the head of Suoh, who has lost his qualification of "king".

"Hey, I'll do something about it."

He hears a soft voice. Suoh raised his face like an idiot.

In a world where everything burns, Totsuka was standing and smiling.

Incorrect. Because he is gone.

"Your power is not to destroy, but to protect."

Totsuka says that with the same voice as that day.

At that moment, Suoh believed those words. He decided to believe him. By defining his power in that way, he looked away from the work that was under him and covered it.

However, the lid was opened.

Suoh was in a position, covering his face with his burned hands.

Suddenly, he heard a song of joy.

When he looks up, the abandoned castle of Suoh's burned remains and Totsuka's figure disappeared.

There, on the rooftop of the building at night, a boy standing by the fence is singing a song with his back to him and shaking his body.

The boy shook his shoulders and laughed, then turned and fired.

A gunshot sounds and a burning fever and severe pain spread through the stomach. Suoh slowly looked at his belly. He looked at the red blood spreading and touched it with his palm. He had the feeling that blood was pouring out of the hole in his stomach.

Well, Suoh wondered if he was shot dead like that.

"Is it a good night? Oh, sure it's a good night!"

The happy voice of the boy who shot echoed.

A flame rises from Suoh's body. Suoh has now completely renounced control of the flame.

The fire spreads like a red tsunami with Suoh as the center of explosion. The flame that turns everything into a desert perfumes the world.

Perhaps something important was coming out of the hole in his stomach along with the blood, and Suoh's insides were empty, and he felt a terrible loss. But at the same time, he was also impressed that it was so easy.

Unleashing the flames, Suoh spread his arms and looked up at the sky.

The sword of Damocles, which no longer retains its original shape, loses its light and begins to fall as if the thread had been broken.

"Mikoto."

A girl's voice reached his ears. Anna. A young but mature girl who snuggled close to Suoh. Totsuka told him that she was important and he couldn't argue with him.

She is calling Suoh.

"Mikoto, don't go."

But it's too late.

The tip of the falling sword comes close to Suoh's eyes.

++++++++++

When he opened his eyes, his heart was screaming out loud.

He was sweating all over his body.

Suoh blinked several times, realized that he was dreaming and exhaled slowly.

He was in the "Scepter 4" detention center. Suoh lay on a board where he slept badly, staggering, and apparently had a nightmare that was a little different than usual.

He exhaled a long, warm breath.

Suoh did not make the world a scorched field.

Suoh's sword has not fallen.

Not yet.

When he curled his back a little, the chain on the deck made a loud metallic noise.

"Fool."

Poisoned by a person, Suoh closes his eyes again.

++++++++++

He doesn't know Tatara Totsuka. He hasn't killed anyone.

Although he was convinced of that, the boy had a sense of anxiety that he could not erase.

The boy must have been in Gakuenjima at the time that person named Tatara Totsuka was killed. He has that memory in him. However, no one clearly stated that the boy was there.

Also, the bloody shirt that was shoved into the back of the boy's closet was a big problem.

"Here you have!"

A cheerful voice was heard, and a tray with a plate of steaming, good-smelling grilled fish was placed in front of the boy.

The boy comes to, and raises his face.

The boy stopped by a convenience store called "Yamadaya" during the purchase requested by Kukuri. It was an old shop with a retro interior and a simple menu, but it was a popular shop with Gakuenjima students because it was cheap and had an exceptional taste. Since it is located near the connecting bridge that connects to Gakuenjima, it is a favorite shop for commuters, and students living in dormitories often stop by when they go out in search of a warm family treat.

The boy has also visited this store many times with Kukuri and the others. That should be it.

The boy shook his head slightly when he realized that he had lost confidence in everything.

Freshly baked and fragrant horse mackerel, plump white rice, and hot miso soup. Did he really eat this menu many times?

Neko, beside him, happily waved the horse mackerel.

"Hey, what are you thinking? I'm telling you we're not done yet."

Kuro shook his eyes and said that looking at the boy.

"Ah, what?"

"There is still a suspicion against you. If you are not the murderer, then there must be someone who impersonated you."

"Oh, it's true..."

When he found that bloody shirt, the boy quickly hid it. Perhaps it was one of the clues to the true criminal that he hid that shirt, since he may have been beaten by the true criminal.

But he did not. When he saw that blood, he felt a sense of fear and self-doubt. He felt the existence of "Isana Yashiro, who was in Gakuenjima on the night of December 7", which he had taken for granted until a while ago, was reeling.

The boy is now more confused than Kuro and begins to doubt himself.

Neko, unaware of the boy's anguish, was secretly reaching for his chopsticks to steal his food after eating his own horse mackerel. Kuro slaps her hand without looking at her.

The boy smiled and transferred his portion to Neko's plate. To be honest, he now he didn't have much of an appetite.

When Neko received the horse mackerel she raised her hands and was pleased, she looked at him with a bitter face.

"We came here just because you keep complaining that you're hungry. Shut up for a bit."

After looking at Kuro who was scolding her like a mother, Neko, who was in a good mood, ate the delicious food without worrying about it. The boy looked around the store with his chopsticks stopped.

He is too early for dinner, so there are no customers but them. The owner crouched at the entrance of the store and gave a piece of fish to a stray cat. The owner who gleefully looks at the cat sticking his face into the plate and eating gently is a great cat lover, and this shop is popular not only with Gakuenjima students but also with cats, and there are stray cats coming frequently.

Looking further, he notices the cork board on the wall. There are plenty of snapshots with handwritten messages like "It was delicious!" And "I love Yamadaya-san's shop." There was also a photo of Kukuri, Inaba and Mishina.

"Sir, this photo..."

When the boy called him, the owner who was watching the cat's food got up and came over.

"Oh, these are photos of my usual customers. They have always been posted here."

"I don't see mine here."

"Oh, really? How strange. You're a regular customer."

The merchant mysteriously twisted his head.

The boy looks at the photo of Kukuri and the others. If he sees his friends being photographed like this, he should take the initiative to enter the scene. The merchant will probably try to point the camera at the boy. But why isn't there a photo of him? Did he happen to be busy when the boy came and wasn't trying to take pictures? For some reason, he can't remember well.

After finishing the meal, he left the store. As he moved on to Shizume, the boy couldn't get back on track.

Even when Neko spoke to the boy, which is usually vague, it was a distant feeling, like being called from behind a wall of glass.

"Hey... Hey, Isana Yashiro!"

Called by Kuro in a scolding voice, the boy raises his face. When he realized it, he was in front of "Kagitamaya". It's the place where the people from "Homura" attacked him right after he bought the fireworks the other day.

"He's too lazy for a while. Do you know exactly what Kukuri asked you to buy? What kind of fireworks do you buy here?"

"Uh, yeah, wait a minute. I've made a note..."

He handed the note he took out of his pocket to Kuro. However, as soon as he received the memo, he made a bold face.

"You... how am I supposed to read this?"

"Oh, I do not know..."

The boy's shopping memo was written in mysterious characters like hieroglyphs. It was terrible.

Maybe he was distracted by something else, he didn't write in Japanese, and in fact for some reason things like the alphabet got mixed up here and there.

Kuro drew a blue line.

"What good is a note if you can't read it ?!"

"Oh, wait, wait. I'm trying to remember what I was thinking about as I was writing it."

"You…"

Kuro stood up, but sighed a little as if he had immediately given up.

"Okay. All you have to do is contact Kukuri."

Kuro takes out a PDA from his pocket. Then suddenly...

"Nya!"

Neko screamed and ran towards Kuro.

"What?!"

"Why would you call her?!"

"What does that mean? I'm requesting contact information for this kind of time."

Kuro shows the PDA with a suspicious face. The boy was also dismayed by Neko's sudden uproar.

She was always energetic and noble, but now she had a surprisingly troubled face.

"You can go back and ask her directly! Hey, Shiro, let's go home!"

The boy was filled with words when they called out to him with narrowed eyes.

"Why do we have to go back? What do you think we have phones for?"

"Wow, I hate phones!"

"Why?"

Neko flushed and fell silent, eyes rolling uneasily as if she were searching for an excuse. However, maybe she didn't come out at all, she scratched her head with a crying face and yelled "Nya!" again as if she had a habit.

Immediately, she disappears and a little kitten appears more familiar to the boy than a girl. The kitten ran away with a strangely sad voice.

"Neko?"

"What was that?"

Kuro was looking in the direction Neko was leaving with a face mixed with confusion and dismay, but he operated his PDA as if he had regained his mind, and called out to Kukuri. He offered the boy the ringing PDA, so that he could speak for himself.

"Hello."

Immediately the phone was connected and he heard Kukuri's usual bright voice.

"Ah, it's me, Isana. We're here buying the fireworks, but..."

"Isana? Who?"

He hears Kukuri's mysterious voice.

The boy's breathing stops for a moment.

"What are you talking about? It's me, Isana Yashiro. You know, Shiro."

"Shiro? Sorry, but I don't know anyone named Shiro. You must have the wrong number."

The call was hung up while the boy was away and silent.

(Welcome, Shiro-kun! Come back early!)

Kukuri's voice that said that and laughed a while ago and Kukuri's voice that mysteriously said "Who?", overlap.

His feet wobble and the sense of reality disappears. The boy wandered in fear and anxiety that what he believed was broken and crumbling.

"Hey, give it back to me."

Sensing the change in the boy, Kuro seems suspicious. However, the PDA is no longer connected to Kukuri.

The boy was stunned and slowly lowered the PDA that he was holding to his ear.

"What happened?"

"Kukuri doesn't remember me. She says she doesn't know any Isana Yashiro."

For a moment, Kuro frowned.

"Was she kidding?"

"It didn't feel like a joke."

In contrast to the boy, who appears annoyed, Kuro seems to calmly think about the direction Neko was running.

"Neko was acting strange. She may have done something to Kukuri. For the moment, let's go back to Gakuenjima."

Kuro started walking without waiting for the boy's response. The boy silently grabs Kuro's hand. He felt Kuro stop and turned around, but the boy remained depressed and didn't look up.

"Hey, Kuro... can I borrow your phone again?"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll call my parents' house."

"Why?"

"I want someone to tell me that I really am Isana Yashiro."

Then the world of the tottering and collapsing boy could rebound.

The boy writes the parents' house number, which he remembers slightly on the PDA, and gently holds the PDA to his ear when the call rings.

Oh, by the way, he thinks it's been a long time since he has talked to his family.

As he closed his eyes and waited nervously, he heard a small sound that made a call.

"Hi, I'm Yashiro..."

"The phone you called is not currently in use. Check the number."

The boy's world collapses.

++++++++++

At dusk, the angled reddish sun shone through the window.

Kusanagi finishes a few work calls alone at the quiet HOMRA bar. He hasn't been able to open the bar properly in recent days, but he can't blame the business associates. He made his feel a bit resentful of his nature, causing him to change his daily life properly even in such an emergency.

Anna, who continues to use her responsiveness and eventually finds out where the criminal is, is tired and sleeping upstairs. It seems that Yata, who jumped, joined Kamamoto on the way and entered Gakuenjima as expected, but not only did he have no results, but after fighting with Fushimi, he was stopped by Lieutenant Awashima. There was a report by phone.

When Kusanagi wondered what to do next, the doorbell rang.

Kusanagi smiled seeing the woman enter the bar with the sound of stomping on her heels.

"Before the store opens, okay?"

"How can I oppose such a beautiful lady? On the other hand, I heard you went after my boys."

A beautiful woman in an elegant dress, and decorating her neck and her wrists with pearl accessories, walks around him. Her chest-length hair was pulled down and slightly dislodged.

She walked over to the counter, took off her coat, and sat on the stool.

"How was your order? Lieutenant Awashima Seri from "Scepter 4". Also known as the merciless woman."

"Can you tell your boys not to do those things?"

"But Seri-chan, you are as cold as ice."

Awashima, when dressed in the uniform of "Scepter 4", is as strong as a man in a masculine, cold and scary society (this is why the nickname "merciless woman" suits her perfectly, as opposed to appearance Kusanagi), the atmosphere becomes a little softer in private, showing the femininity of a normal age.

She was a hidden customer of this bar.

"A Martini."

"Oui, mademoiselle. What's your recipe today?"

"Let me see… Four parts gin and one-part vermouth. And I'd like 5 parts of anko, please."

This order that destroys the Martini, as a master of a bar who loves cocktails, he was already used to.

"Oui, mademoiselle."

Kusanagi replied in a painful voice and took the container full of anko out of the refrigerator. Unfortunately, this bar always has anko to fulfill her special requests.

Dry martini with strong gin. Normally, an olive is added, but a large number of anko balls are added instead. Kusanagi doesn't want to call this desperate cocktail Martini, but Awashima always asks for this terrifying drink that makes the Martini taste disappear.

"That is one of the parts I can never love about you, Seri-chan."

In front of Kusanagi, who changes his expression, Awashima gracefully drinks the delicious Martini, whose anko balls sink thickly.

"What is the 'Red King' thinking?"

After putting down the glass and taking a breath, Awashima said in a low voice.

"Oh, right. Sounds like our boss is giving you a hard time."

"Your 'King' was captured by another 'King', but you look quite relaxed. What are you planning?"

As she says that clearly without changing the expression, Awashima breaks the anko dumplings with the toothpick and mixes them, turning the transparent Martini into a cloudy color.

"Oh, that's not a nice thing to say."

"I don't know why you're calm. I'm sure you're conscious, right?"

"What?"

"Weissman's deviation from the 'Red King' is reaching its limit. You know what will happen if he continues to exceed the limit."

Kusanagi smiled at Awashima, who did not allow him to dodge, and replied.

"You mean Kagutsu crater? It's a disturbing story."

A dozen years ago, Weissmann's deviation from the predecessor "Red King" exceeded the critical value, and the sword of Damocles fell. Called the case of a royal blast, it is a leak of enormous energy possessed by the royal authority, and it causes a large explosion that involves not only the royal authority but also a radius of several tens of kilometers. The predecessor, the "Red King", Kagutsu Genji, who was the head of "Purgatory", obliterated the entire southern region of Kanto, killed about 700,000 people and created a large crater in the belly of the Japanese archipelago.

"That is the power of the 'King'. If he loses control, the terrain of Japan will change a bit like then, are you saying that it is okay for this city to disappear?"

Awashima drinks when she makes a muddy cocktail. Kusanagi muttered as he stared at her white throat.

"That is why he is with you."

He may be a little tired too. Is it some kind of indulgence for her, or is it her honesty that he may be struggling with?

"At least you have someone who can stop him. Maybe he wanted to sleep without worrying about accidentally burning everything around him for a while."

Kusanagi laughed bitterly, thinking about what Suoh feared.

"He hated being patient, in control, and annoying things forever."

Awashima, who was holding the toothpick on her cheek, exhaled through her nose as if she was amazed.

"He is not qualified to be 'King'."

He is not going to argue that. He's sure that's what Suoh thinks more than anyone. Suoh is not suitable to be "King". However, he is an essential champion.

"He would probably have been happier, if he had been born as a lion somewhere in the savannah."

Kusanagi lowered his eyes, imagining a beast running alone, freely in the savannah.

"You are a surprisingly sentimental man. Well, we just do our job."

Awashima put the empty glass and the price of the cocktail on the counter and got off the stool. She tried to leave as she clicked her heels, but stopped midway.

She was looking at the bonsai and the projectors on the edge of the counter and the guitar leaning against the wall.

"One of our members brought that in. He was a guy with a lot of hobbies. Thanks to him, the inside of the store has become strange."

It seems that Awashima immediately realized who Kusanagi was talking about. She made her face look a bit understanding.

"I've never had contact with him. He was a non-combatant. The number 3 of "Homura", the weakest executive, the first member of "Homura" along with Izumo Kusanagi, Suoh Mikoto's friend for a long time. That's all I know. What kind of person was Tatara Totsuka?"

Kusanagi left the counter and lined up next to Awashima. Look at the things Totsuka left behind. Until a few days ago he used to tell him that he shouldn't take anything he liked to the bar and take it to his house, but now he doesn't feel like getting rid of those things anymore.

"A tamer of beasts."

"Beast tamer?"

"Oh. Most of our guys are tough, right? Normally, to bring them together, we use a kind of bond on the team, but there are also many who hate that kind of thing. "Homura" is basically a free spirit principle, even so, the reason I didn't have a problem with "Homura" was because Totsuka was slightly softening our beasts in a loose atmosphere."

Kusanagi remembers seeing the bar with Totsuka. Even in the now quiet bar, when friends gathered and Totsuka was in the middle, they were usually overjoyed.

Totsuka was interested in Yata's skateboard and began practicing skateboard tricks at the bar with a table to one side. At that moment, Totsuka was surrounded by everyone and made everyone laugh. Yata got good at teaching Totsuka how to skateboard, Kusanagi scolded the skateboarders inside and Suoh sat on the counter and looked at everyone in a vague but relaxed way.

"That's why he was a beast tamer... I wonder if the best beast is the 'Red King'."

Awashima's calm eyes gaze at Kusanagi. Kusanagi shrugged slightly.

"Totsuka was... because he befriended a ridiculous beast like Mikoto."

He reached out and played the guitar that Totsuka used to play. A sound that was kind to his ears rang out.

(Can you sing something?)

Anna sometimes asked for a song like that.

Music was also one of Totsuka's hobbies, and Totsuka showed his own songs written and composed for everyone in addition to playing the guitar. "I'll do it thinking about all of 'Homura'!"

The song, which Totsuka laughed a bit shyly at, had a soft sound.

Suoh also listened to the Totsuka song, sitting on the bar and gently looking down.

Perhaps the tone of the guitar and Totsuka's voice probably had the power to put the beast to sleep.

"But the beast tamer is dead."

Awashima said that in a cold voice on purpose.

"If the beast tamer dies, the only thing left is to lock up the beast. That is true."

Turning her back on Kusanagi, Awashima heads for the bar door. The doorbell rang. Awashima stops once with the door open a little and looks at Kusanagi.

"But I wonder if there is a place to plant a bomb with a broken safety device."

Having said that, Awashima did not ask Kusanagi for an answer and left.

Kusanagi laughed a bit at the bar after being alone.

"It's tough, Seri-chan."

He muttered.

++++++++++

"Take an umbrella."

His sister said so and offered him a red umbrella.

"But today is a good day, right?"

He looked up at the blue sky and laughed. But her sister gently held an umbrella in her hand.

"Because you are afraid."

She said that and smiled at him a concerned smile.

When they told him that, he suddenly felt that something was empty, and that something scary was coming from the sky, and he opened his umbrella even though it was not raining.

The umbrella his sister gave him covered the sky and he was relieved to feel protected underneath.

When she saw him, she reached out her slim white hand and touched his cheek.

"Come on, kid."

He thought that.

He was haunted by the feeling of discomfort that he did not understand.

It must have been a lonely dream, but the awakening came with a painful movement.

He went on the train. Yes, remember to go to his parents' house now.

After that call, the boy decided to go directly to his parents' house with Kuro. It seems that the boy took a nap on the train on the way and dreamed.

"What happened? Did you have a nightmare?"

Kuro, stood in front of the boy without sitting on the seat even though the inside of the train was empty, and said that. The boy laughs warmly and shakes his head.

"Yes, something like that. I dreamed that I was with my sister. It was a dream that felt strange, but... a dream is like that."

The boy has an older sister. His sister is his favorite and important to him. He remembered that and dreamed of going to his parents' house.

(When I return home, my real sister will meet me and welcome me. I'm sure of that.)

Even trying to think about it, the boy's frustration and anxiety didn't subside at all.

The automatic, inorganic voice that answered the phone call to his parents' house is still spinning in his ear.

"When I called my parents' house, they told me that currently that number is not in use. What can you think of in this case?"

At the very least, the boy moves his mouth to shape the whirlwind of frustration and anxiety. Kuro didn't reply and silently looked at the boy.

"One, I made a mistake on my parents' number. Two, something happened and they changed the phone number without telling me. Three, I'm lying."

From Kuro's perspective, the boy was originally a suspect. He believes the third possibility is the highest among the three, and a selfish smile comes to mind. However, Kuro has a very calm voice and follows the boy's words.

"If not, four, are your memories flawed?"

The boy was surprised, he opened his eyes and looked at Kuro. Kuro's eyes seemed clear and flat, not the hostile ones he encountered the first time, nor the suspicions he had when he was looking for an alibi.

The boy squeezed his hand on his knee into his fist, trying to regain his feelings.

"I'm Isana Yashiro. It's mediocre, but I have a pretty happy family, and now I'm away from my parents and I go to school, I'm a school student."

He looked at the red umbrella leaning to one side. The umbrella that his sister gave him in his dream. What is his sister doing now? Two years older... Did she go to college to study because she was a very smart person?

Somehow his mind was confused, and the boy seemed far away as if he wanted to shake off.

The train rattled and there were no other passengers. An empty box, where the setting sun was shining faintly, continued to shake regularly.

"Where did Neko go?"

The train enters the tunnel and the inside of the carriage sinks into darkness.

++++++++++

Kusanagi remembers the last call many times.

When the call came, Kusanagi was about to leave the bar and go home with Yata, who helped clean up to the end.

When he closed the bar door and put the key in his pocket, the PDA announced the incoming call. When he took out the PDA while he was thinking about who he would be, at that moment, Totsuka's name appeared.

"Hello, Totsuka."

He answered the phone in a loose voice because it was his friend, Totsuka, but didn't get an answer right away. There was a subtle silence, and when Kusanagi shook his head in a strange way, he heard a painful little voice from the other side of the PDA.

"Kusanagi... san..."

Kusanagi's spine froze due to the weakness of his voice.

"Hey, Totsuka? What happened? Hey!"

The sound of dropping the PDA reached his ears. The impatience increased even more when he heard "Kusa..."

"Kusanagi-san, what happened?"

Yata leaned forward to see Kusanagi's extraordinary appearance.

"Yata, come with me! Totsuka..."

"Eh?"

Kusanagi ran into the parking lot and grabbed the car key. Yata runs through the grass without knowing why.

Meanwhile, Kusanagi continued to call Totsuka. When he pressed the PDA against his ear so that he could pick up any weak voice, he heard Totsuka's voice a little further than before.

"Kusanagi-san… Can you hear me…?"

He was breathing harsh and painful, but it was a calm voice.

"I have been happy."

Kusanagi was horrified by the words he heard.

"I still believe it..."

"Idiot, Totsuka!"

From the other end of the phone, he heard a slightly laughing exhalation and a painful cough.

Kusanagi kept calling Totsuka many times. Totsuka seemed to say something, but he groaned and couldn't quite reach Kusanagi's ears.

When he got into the car in sweat and frustration, he started the engine, he told Totsuka forcefully.

"Wait a bit, let's go there."

"Yes I'm waiting."

Totsuka's answers came to Kusanagi firmly. It was a weak little voice, but it was a tone that didn't lose the character of Totsuka even in that case.

He knew about the places Totsuka used to go for night views. Hirasaka Building. It is a building that even outsiders can climb to the rooftop from an external emergency staircase, and there is also a height from where you can get a panoramic view of Shizume city.

Kusanagi broke the speed limit, ran in front of the Hirasaka building, and climbed the emergency stairs with Yata. When he reached the rooftop, he jumped into his eyes the figure of Totsuka lying on his back without strength and a large clot of red blood underneath.

Kusanagi stood up for a moment, but Yata immediately yelled, "Totsuka-san!", And ran to support Totsuka's body.

Totsuka was still breathing and conscious.

"Totsuka-san! Hey! What happened?!"

Totsuka groaned and opened his eyes to Yata, who screamed in a crying voice, and looked at Yata. He seemed to vomit blood while he waited and his mouth was soaked with blood.

"King... Colorless..."

Totsuka squeezed the words out quietly.

"'King Colorless'…? Totsuka-san, were you attacked by another 'King'?"

"Yes, Yata. Don't force him to speak."

Unable to see it, Kusanagi said that in a murderous voice.

Totsuka, who said that he was waiting, was certainly waiting for Kusanagi and his friends. But at a glance he knew what was happening.

He could feel that the Totsuka flame delivered by Suoh, was about to go out, as he was always by his side as Kusanagi's partner.

Yata seems to be trying to hold the wound and puts his palm around Totsuka soaked with blood on his belly. The coat sucked up most of the blood, which was now coming out with a slight noise.

"It's okay, Totsuka-san. We are calling a doctor right now, you can get rid of this kind of injury right away..."

Yata, desperately trying to cheer him up, had his face close to tears. Totsuka's face, which was supported by Yata's arm, could have looked good. He looked at Yata with a concerned face and managed to lift his weak arm and reach Yata's face.

"I'm going to get rid of that..."

Totsuka touched Yata's cheek to comfort him, but his hand was exhausted and he fell, leaving a trail of blood.

"...I'm sorry."

Somehow, it will be fixed.

It was a Totsuka habit. He always laughed and said it, and his unique optimistic ease made him feel like he could really handle it.

But now the power of that word is gone, with Totsuka's life.

Totsuka opened his eyes and stopped breathing with a worried look.

"Totsuka-san...?"

Yata's hand shook a little.

"Totsuka-san... Hey... Don't be sleeping... Wake up... Hey!"

Many tears welled up in Yata's eyes. Holding Totsuka's cold body, he hugs him and cries.

Kusanagi silently turned his back on Totsuka's body. He walked slowly towards the ancient chamber that Totsuka used to carry, and that it was lying on the concrete of the rooftop. Totsuka's blood was also on the surface of the camera.

Passion did not bother Kusanagi. The sadness, anger and intense emotions that seemed to slow down his thoughts were suppressed and he decided what he should do now.

He grabs his PDA and call the person he had to report to.

On rare occasions, the other party answered with a call.

"Mikoto, I have bad news."

Kusanagi remembers that night many times.

Kusanagi, who had told Awashima about Totsuka that night, silently lowered his gaze.

It was getting dark outside and it was starting to rain. A whispering rain envelops Kusanagi's lonely bar.

Kusanagi walked over to the shelf where the Totsuka relics were placed, placed the palm of his hand on the Totsuka camera at the end, and patted it lightly.

Totsuka, who had many hobbies and changed his interest to various things, had the most enduring hobby, the camera. There are many images of friends that Totsuka left behind. Everyone in the video used to laugh.

They also seemed to be a sign of Totsuka's love and attachment to "Homura". Since Totsuka was always handling the camera, there were few images that showed Totsuka himself.

(Hey, hey, somehow...)

Relive his laughing expression after saying that.

"Just say irresponsible things and go your own way."

He put his hand on the camera in his fist and squeezed it hard.

"Fool."

Kusanagi closed his eyes, muttering resentment against his deceased friend of his.

++++++++++

The boy was standing in the stadium on a downpour night.

He was terribly shocked, but not surprised. He somehow he had felt that way since the phone call to his parents' house failed to connect.

"This is your house?"

"It was here, it should be. I left the station and went straight down the street... here was a house with a little garden..."

What spread out in front of the boy was a large stadium and empty audience seats.

There is no such thing as "Isana Yashiro's mediocre happy house" in memory of him.

Kuro looked at the boy with calm eyes.

"You don't seem like the type of person you think you are."

"…Yes."

He has been raining a lot. The raindrops falling on the stadium lawn made a flapping noise. Both the boy and Kuro were drenched. There is no point in putting an umbrella on now, but the boy slowly opens the red umbrella that he was still hanging in his hand.

An umbrella that his sister told him to carry in his dream, when he was afraid.

But in reality, the boy may not have had an older sister.

No, on the contrary.

"It may not be Isana Yashiro in the first place. I mean, maybe there was no person named Isana Yashiro."

"Oh."

"I felt like something was wrong. When I tried to remember the details, sometimes it didn't work."

He tilted the umbrella to hide his face and spun it like a rusty hand.

He hears Kuro's voice from the other side of the umbrella.

"Who are you?"

"A murderer?"

When he answered that, the words made the boy hurt more than he expected. He stopped the spinning umbrella and squeezed the handle hard.

"I can't say there is absolutely no chance. I can't believe in myself anymore."

From under the umbrella, the boy gave Kuro a weak smile.

"You want to kill me?"

Kuro looked at the boy and was silent for a while.

Eventually, however, he takes up the sword stance and touches the sword's handle.

The boy closes its eyes when he sees it.

He didn't know anything, but the boy no longer thought he was an innocent person. He also thought that if he killed him for something he was guilty of, he should accept it.

Kuro's breathing changed. The boy was ready to give up closing his eyes tighter at the sound of his breathing.

The next moment, he hit the boy.

"The final curtain falls the moment a person enters."

It was a haiku, not a hit.

The boy opens his eyes, surprised.

What Kuro had in his right hand was not the handle of his sword, but the "recorder with the haikus recited by Miwa Ichigen" that he appreciates.

At that moment, he picked up the recorder with a satisfied face.

"What beautiful words."

"Were you listening to me...?"

"Is it a story you can't believe? It's weird, I don't believe you either, long before you can't believe yourself."

The rain hits the umbrella. Kuro, who had no umbrella, was soaked in the rain, but he stood up straight without shrugging his shoulders.

"I believe in only one thing, the words of my late master. Ichigen-sama told me to find out. I have not yet given up. Therefore, I will not close the curtain."

Kuro looked directly at the boy.

"What about you, Shiro?"

For the first time, he called him Shiro.

It was not out of trust or affection, but he showed that he was not an enemy, but that he had reached the position of a neighbor who was seeking the truth together.

Kuro's righteousness gradually permeates the heart of the desperately fleeing boy.

"Don't give up? Yes. That word is correct."

Kuro perhaps thought the boy was praising Miwa's words, and his cheeks flushed like a child. He had a rough nose.

"In any case, I can allow you to repeat this sentence. When you say Ichigen-sama's words, your heart will clear."

As usual, words of revulsion rippled in the boy's mouth. With a smile, the tense thing loosened, and his eyes were about to get wet with water that wasn't rain, and the boy covered his face with the umbrella.

"Rare."

The whispered voice was loose and a little wet.

#K #k project #k the first story #k novel

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kimyoonmiauthor · 4 years ago

Text

Story Ideas I posted on Soompi for K-dramas.

Posted November 14, 2020. I worked on these with some other Korean adoptees. Posting here to document it. Triple back up is not a bad idea when you do this type of thing. Elevator Pitch:

- Alt Joseon History Reverse Drama Harem set after the Imjin War, Women-centric (I suggested it last round, but I'm making it more attractive)

- Heart-warming adoptee tale set with Jaebeol family as the birth family.

Reverse Alt Joseon history Harem (I left historical research notes in for you to further research too).

After the Imjin War, Prince Gwanghae declared an "Honorable Women's list", which made the Queen Dowager upset with him and the crown prince (In real history he used the excuse of less arable land because of Japanese invasion to give land from widows to men, so they could get royal titles. In Nepal, in the mountains, less land has also meant that for some peoples there, the women marry a group of brothers who rotate time with the wife, guaranteeing land to her and them). So, she deposed him and installed the daughter of the Royal Consort Ui to the throne of Joseon. Joseon has been a Matriarchy ever since then with women ruling the throne and a harem to match. All of the key positions have been ruled by women. Men have to get permission to divorce, they cannot own land, and they are put on cycles per month rotation to favor their wife, who have all the power. Since then, the merit-based system has somewhat fallen apart with men severely devalued. Men are considered weaker than women in every aspect-- not as smart, frivolous, fixated on material possessions (like hair, clothes, make up, etc and landing a good woman with money), unable to learn anything other than etiquette on how to properly serve women, unable to do military affairs, unable to do magic (Based on harnessing spirits and Mugyo) [I suppose one could have a male-based magic system too that more subtle maybe based on Buddhism? since men imported Buddhism to Korea], can't do ancestor rituals but must provide the food, widows are expected to die (because who will take care of the men and provide for them if their breadwinner is gone?), and much physically weaker. They are devalued if they can't marry by the time they are 30 because they are viewed as much less virile. They are there to lead women astray from their husbands in the minds of society, and they are the ones punished for faults. If they rape or are accused of rape, they are met with death. They are considered peacocks for decoration and fill the brothels and red districts. They are allowed dance and to do street dramas, but this is considered a lesser art form compared to the lavish palace versions. Queen of Joseon, considered the most beautiful such that all the women want to imitate her... with her curly hair and freckles, is on the throne and has amassed a large portion of the men, leaving many of the Noble women unmarried. Her harem has grown huge with mostly pretty boys she's selected. She has lavish palace dances every day with pretty boys from her harem to entertain her. She also has them perform plays [Can reference previous dramas and do anachronistic references] for her more lavish than the next. The Prime Minister, has been supporting her habits to distract her from her duties while controlling the throne. The Prime Minister, while she has one husband and one concubine has been neglecting her husband and spending all her time with her concubine. There is a rebellion swelling against them... *** Extended version: In the midst of this, there are Portuguese traders that have come to shore with black men who are slaves, come to do trade (this really happened in Korean history). One of the slaves comes to the court to help refine the map of Africa (Gangnido was done in 1402 and Portuguese contact with Japan happened in 1543, so it's not that far fetched according to history). While helping the Minister of Arts, they fall in love with each other. She teaches him Korean, and he teaches her about his part of Africa. He comes from West Africa. (Hausa [Queen Amina died in 1610], maybe and maybe give him a Korean name later?) There, both men and women can be tribal leaders and share responsibilities. He comes to teach her that both men and women can be equal. The court grants him his freedom for his services, and he stays and marries this woman, despite objections, who, then becomes a part of the resistance against the Queen.

The Heads of the resistance is none other than the Prime Minister's concubine, not the Prime Minister's husband, who has been loyal this entire time. (Delaying this discovery is a good idea) Tired of having to service the Prime Minister every night, and entertain her, he has been leading a double life. He wants men in control again. The other conspirator is the Queen's top consort, who looks like a bumbling fool with his love of jokes (especially dry humor), stupid puns, food (though not fat, just fancy food), and has tried to look as useless and tolerant of the system as possible. But he loves his Queen deeply, which is why he wants to end the system and ask for equality. They have been meeting and arguing at an eating establishment since Royals aren't let into Red Districts, where a widowed lovable Halmeoni (You can get her to sell Subway sandwiches to camera, etc for laughs. Subway and Quiznos have a sense of humor... so why not ask if they are willing? Since it's alt history--make winks to the audience that you know it's not accurate.) has been slowly learning all of the court secrets... which is how the Queen learns of their dirty plots. The person who wanted this scenario fleshed out also wants the Queen to be... "Queen can’t be too flaky- forgetful to a fault, yea. Clumsy . Cold, a bit snarky, always on edge and with quite an appetite. Forgiving of the wrong folks. Always looking for good in them but not trusting. Independent and she has to drive a black carriage!"

How this concludes, with equality, crushing the rebellion, or with men, again, taking power and thus making everyone question what was better is up to you, if you choose this idea. Five Act or 기승전결 is up to you. (Or mix them).

Suggested issues to include (and why you might want to write this) and errata:

Can challenge current Korean issues of spousal abuse, feminism, gender issues (Such as nonbinary people), trans (Such as transmen), Make Mugyo a state religion since it was supported a lot by women during Joseon (also supported LGBTQIA, past and present. Baksu~~) And also challenge our understanding of history by adding in people like Lady Jang Gye Hyang (1598-1680), who would be against the current government and for rule by men, mention mention Heo Nanseorheon (Pre-Imjin war... she needs a drama done about her because she's always overshadowed by her brothers and made into a brat, rather than a full character and an intelligent woman, which she was). ImYunjidang (1721-1793) and Kang Chonggildang (1772-1832) for example... also aren't often mentioned figures. There were historical figures in real life that were for and against the new Joseon order of Neo Confucianism, though many of the women that spoke out had their papers burned by the patriarchy. Inserting those figures historically sageuk have been resistant to insert because it goes against the ideas of Joseon being an idealistic patriarchy might add spice to the drama. One can also challenge the idea that "traditional" values are male dominated by pointing out that widows in Joseon pre-Imjin war could own land and pass it to their daughters unchallenged, that LGBTQIA was more widely accepted, and that there were great Queens before that like Seondeok by upholding them as the rule, rather than the exception as reasons why the Matriarchy is "superior" to the previous Patriarchy.

One of the women who helped with this premise likes Lee Min Ho a lot.... lol She'd probably request that the Prime Minister's Concubine be Lee Min Ho. (He hasn't done a Joseon historical drama in a while and I think he could play both sides well--warm and sweet and then cold and callous...).

Probably needs a woman to write this one versed in feminism and history or a woman and man team. I hope it passes the Bechdel test (Two women talk about something other than men, preferably more than one time), the Mako Mori Test (Women have a motivation other than romance or the man and doesn't degrade over time). and the Sexy Lamp test (The women have agency to make decisions, face consequences and rescue themselves)... there is no fridging--i.e. killing characters without knowing them solely to motivate the main characters to do something, and makes us think deeper about gender issues, feminism, etc. I suppose if the writer hits really hard on social issues, it would be probably JTBC material (who haven't done a Historical drama in a while). Tonally, I was hoping for a mixture of laughs and thinking about the issues more deeply, and some tight action to keep us guessing. If you want to argue marketability: I saw Romance of the Tiger and Rose (China) and Ooku by Fumi Yoshinaga. And a friend of mine (also Korean) wanted a drama with her and her (drama) harem of guys, so... we want a Korean commentary on feminism done this way, but with sharper feminism and more imagination attached. Covering modern feminist issues is fine since it's fantasy. Be transgressive.

BTW, for sponsorship: (since the costumes might cost extra, etc) easy... cosmetics advertised by men, done anachronistically to camera, on purpose. Other plugs can be done this way too... which would sell the product, but also make people question gender roles at the same time. Or you can also do plugs this way and suddenly gender them, making people question how this item is "male" or "female". Like a brush, or a wall, drink, sandwich (lol Quiznos and Subway), etc. can be called "Masculine" or "feminine" and be sold to camera, if the sponsors cooperate. (Sold by Pretty Boy actors to the audience... there's a good chance.) This should get you to at most episode 6, if it's paced well and you plotted the rest of the angles. If it's action-filled with lots of twists then the basic scenario will get you through to episode 4. The twists can come later.

And the other one was invented between me and another Korean adoptee...

Elevator Pitch: Heart-warming adoptee tale set with Jaebeol family as the birth family.

Twenty-five years ago, there were identical twins born to the same mother, but because her petition to get a paternity test failed from a Jaebeol family, she was forced by her lover's family to give them up for adoption, despite her best efforts to get into the single mother's homes (the adoption agency ones are pretty terrible because they try to wear down the women into giving up their children and seats are very few at the government ones). A woman had been stalking her while pregnant in order to give up her children for a kickback from the adoption agencies and from the family itself (There were KBS and MBC reports about it in the early 2000's), so with major heartbreak, she decided to give them up. However, her lover never knew this was a case.

The children were split up. One went to the United States, was adopted to a white family, and the other was adopted to Korean family, but never told they were adopted.

In the current time, the US adoptee, has been working for a year and a half to get her dual citizenship. She has a degree in Business accounting and is a very warm person. Despite her talents, she is teaching English in Suwon. She has an allergy to allium (Garlic, onions, etc), which makes it hard on her to eat Korean food. Every time she eats it, she gets gas and a tummy ache. She is constantly mocked by the ajumma in restaurants over it. She does not speak very fluent Korean and only knows Kindergarten Korean. She also often has delusions from Korean dramas as being real. Intelligent, smart, but has a hard time proving it to the Koreans around her because of her lack of language skills. People keep commenting on how she's single, but she finds it hard to date anyone once they find out she is adopted, so thinks she has no roots. Her records were sealed by the military. (US Military adoption is like that) So she takes a trip to Daegu's police station to get a DNA test. Meanwhile...

Meanwhile her twin has grown up in a steady Korean family, but there are things that never quite matched about her story and the family she's lived with. Their profession aspirations are totally different from hers, everyone else has a baby picture, but she doesn't. That feeling of "Jeong" sometimes feels like it's missing. The neighbors talk behind their hands when she passes them. This is when she accidentally discovers the truth talking to a neighborhood recycling Halmeoni. Unlike her twin, she has no allergy to allium and loves it. She mainly works at PC Bang and menial jobs and never really aspired to much because she's always felt like she didn't really truly belong.

*** Extended Pitch At the same time, their father has become the head of the company and a major CEO of a conglomerate. He is unaware of the twins' existence... so there are lots of passing shots between the family members as we get to know them. The company politics have become tricky because the father's seat was never really guaranteed. He still thinks about his lover from time to time, but his seat has become more and more unsure as he's opted adamantly out of marriage. The twin's mother is working at a small time job, and is forced to keep silent about the time she's tried very hard to forget. People shame her if they find out she had children.

When the twins finally get to remeet because of DNA, this shakes up their father's position and his company. The family secrets come out and the mystery of who sent the mysterious woman to stalk their mother starts to unfold, not only the secrets of the company, but of their father and mother's relationship, and of the family relations. But in the middle of this is that feeling of "Jeong" or instant belonging. (I don't think the love of the adoptive family should be diminished or it should be written like if you have more family, you have less love... but that there are things that connect people in different ways and the drama explores those ways of connection and disconnection.)

Issues that can be covered: Single Motherhood, Paternity testing (There was a recent Korean case on this and also another case about 10 years ago, where an adoptee found out they (male) were the son of a Jaebeol person, but the family refused any contact, etc--should be in Korean as well.), Economic differences, what Pres. Kim Dae Jeong called Adoption as the "brain drain" of South Korea (He said it on film, too, just before the reforms <3 Still my favorite president), Prejudices against foreigners, adoptees, and addressing the fact that finding family is difficult because of the shame around adoption and it's not instant. A person can start at 13, and still go through a ton of work and hoops to try to get any info. (The Korean agencies can also be mean/overworked with one person working all of the cases, like for HOLT and ESWS it's this way.) Also can address problems like how cousins can want to find each other, but get blocked because of adoption (You can't marry up to Second Cousins, but if you're adopted, you can't find your extended family members, even if you had connection to them in the past and they know you exist and they aren't allowed to search for you either because the agencies and law block them). Agencies lying that children are either dead, or that they never got communication, when they have. There is a story I know where a mother inquired every year about her child and wrote letters and then the agencies told her they got nothing, and then the matching adoptee wrote every year too, hoping to find their mother and equally got nothing. The agency lied to both of them. Also the old proxy system before it got outlawed where women would stalk pregnant single women to get records. (It's updated to the lawyer proxy system where lawyers stalk single women).

Warmth, not makjang, emphasis on Jeong and nunchi... and Warm and Fuzzy in the end at least... with spurts of humor interspersed would be nice.

Personally, I think if MBC or KBS is willing to help with the footage from the Proxy system report in the early 2000's where women were stalked by other women, those are the networks to pitch it to. It's up their ally. If not... cable. (I love SBS, too, no lies, but they didn't do a report back in the day.) Oh and make it 16 episodes-ish. Not family drama. We don't watch family dramas for length reasons...

#k-drama #ideas

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daylicate · 4 years ago

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From New Age Deceit to Jesus - Boy, I Did NOT Expect This To Happen...Trust Me.

Hi, guys! So when I left this blog rather abruptly, it was mainly because I had a major realization in my life that I truly did not know how to explain without sounding absolutely insane. For many, what I’m about to share is going to be controversial, but I hope you understand that the reason I’m writing this is because I truly care about Taylor and her fans. If this can resonate with at least one person, maybe a halfway believer, then I’m happy with that. I’m also not trying to convert anyone or cast judgement or persuade anyone to stop what they’re doing! All love here! If God has taught me one thing, it’s that life is your own personal journey, and you can decide if and when to see a sign and make a turn.

I’m probably going to start this around the time I became a huge Taylor fan again. It started around April of last year right before ME! came out. At that time, and for most of my life really, I always felt rather lost - as if there was a void in my heart that needed filling. When I started getting back into her music and her Easter Egg adventures, it was as if that void was filled...except not really, because I was never satisfied and was ultimately waiting for the NEXT thing Taylor was going to share with us to uncover. I guess you could say, the void got DEEPER. I was idolizing her so much so that, I unknowingly was treating her like she was God. At the end of the day, that’s what “stan” culture is - blindly worshipping false idols. If you were to look back in history, our culture parallels so much with the times of Ancient Egypt, Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece, except we have way more advanced technology and cultural distractions.

In becoming a Taylor fan, the world around me began to shift, because she made me realize how deceptive the media can be. Her whole career had me questioning everything I ever consumed from Hollywood that was PR-related. I got deeper into celebrity culture and blind gossip, which then led me to discover how corrupt things in Hollywood, and in this world, really are. Then, I found out about the Epstein stuff around July of last year, and boy did that affect me. I became SO disillusioned and disheartened that it slowly began to eat away at me. I really don’t know how else to describe it other than it feeling like the dementors from Harry Potter were legitimately sucking the life and soul out of me. I was not taking care of myself while consuming this information, and my faith was nowhere to be found. Around Fall of last year, I dropped out of my semester at college and entered intensive therapy. The biggest thing I learned in my time there was gratitude. I’ve had to deal with some trauma in the past, but through that pain I am able to connect and empathize with so many others. During that time, I learned to let go of the pain and see them as lessons that made me a stronger person.

Alright, so the New Age. Here’s a list of things that are New Age: metaphysics, past lives, numerology, twin flames, astrology, parallel realities, dimensions, crystals, sage, incense, tarot cards, meditating to reach enlightenment, chakra cleansing, rituals, channeling, reiki, energy frequencies, law of attraction, manifestation, psychedelics, aliens (starseeds, light workers, etc.), and SO much more. The best way to describe it would be like a huge buffet - you get to pick and choose your own personalized religion. Now, what I’ve come to realize is that the end goal of this stuff is to become...almost...Godlike. You’re basically training your mind to worship yourself. I worry about this gaining momentum because I see a LOT of celebrities pushing these ideas.

This is where it gets spooky. From April - June I was practicing this stuff intensely, and I would wake up every morning with intense joint pain and nausea, going HOURS without eating. My depression, anxiety, fear, paranoia increased TENFOLD whenever the news was on or when I would watch films/shows with my family. Again, it felt like dementors were sucking the life and soul out of me. Growing up, my mom would call me her “little bird”, and one day I stepped outside and found a dead baby bird right outside my parent’s home. When all this started occurring, I was NOT connecting it to the fact that it was happening because I was researching more about the darkness of Hollywood and practicing some New Age, or occult, stuff (tarot, crystals, astrology, meditating, law of attraction, numerology, energy manipulation, twin flames). From what I was reading online, I legitimately thought the pain and nausea were signs of my “consciousness increasing”.........again, it sounds insane, but once you fall down the rabbit hole, you try to find reasoning from “spiritual people” for why your body is reacting the way that it is.

When I got back to my apartment, I still had so many questions about all this stuff I was researching. Again, you THINK the void would be filled, but it just gets deeper and deeper, because you want to find out MORE. While on Twitter, I saw someone reply to a tweet that said that the idea of focusing on love frequencies was Luciferian, and at first I was like, uh excuse me, what now?! It does not feel that way, sir! This stuff is all about love and peace! You’re lying! Well, the dude was right, because the devil is one big master of deceit. When it hit me that what I was practicing did not have my best interest at heart, phew, I got down on my knees, PRAYED, and repented. Then, the BEST and most humble feeling came over me. I don’t know how to describe it in text without it sounding wild but, it reminded me of the lyrics to Amazing Grace? “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I was once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.”

Our entire culture is focused on self-indulgence, and during COVID I’ve realized just how self-centered and dark our society is. Since so much evil is finally coming to light, that means there has to be good. Because we have all this time to rest and think, basically little to no distractions, God’s voice (our conscious) is speaking directly to us, and we’re finally listening and acting on it! It’s just that, we’re not acknowledging that it’s God fueling this passion in us. We’re fighting injustice, trying to free the oppressed, exposing cruelty, redistributing our wealth to those in need, etc. Through our actions, we’re bringing light into our darkness, healing and righteousness. The sad part is, spiritual warfare is at play, so because we’re trying to do so much good, evil is finding ways to be more insidious.

Jesus is so real, and I’m so glad he saved me. If at any point you experienced anxiety while reading this, earnestly call out to Jesus to help you. I promise you that void you’ve been feeling your entire life will finally be filled. I’m so much more at peace now, and when I feel evil trying to creep back in, I’m just like, Jesus SOS! He’s the best and He loves you. When my mom used to talk about God, my body would physically cringe and reject her, and my thoughts would turn hateful. Now when I talk about God, I am so happy and free!

If this resonates, awesome! If you read this and thought, meh no thank you, I totally get it. Again, I don’t want to come off as THAT person trying to force God on you, because God doesn’t want that. He wants it come naturally and from a place of love (and fear - you gotta love and fear God) - it’s why we have free will! You have to be ready for it, because your life is going to do a complete 180.

The best way I can describe it is that, I stepped into the daylight and let all of my demons finally...go. Don’t let the devils roll the dice no longer, my dudes! Sending love to you all, and please feel free to message me if you have any questions. I certainly can’t be the one to give you the answers, but I’d be happy to guide you! Discernment and not becoming easily deceived is key when you make this shift.

#also i still have love and respect for taylor so pls don't think i'm trying to paint her as evil #her story just led me to discover A LOT about how this world works #the lost soul in me just got more and more lost and was trying to find meaning from so many things outside my purpose #i felt it in my heart to share this because there were times when i was sharing some nw age-y things on here #and i really don't want anyone to fall down that path

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skyking91-archive · 4 years ago

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london ‘10 || tommy & sky

Discord thread featuring: Sky & @byrnethomas

When: 2010

Mentions: -

Description: Tommy and Sky are living together in London and working as prostitutes

TW: mentions of prostitution and being damn poor

Sky.

“Roomie — I’m hooooome.” She sang, as she closed the door to their tiny London flat. It was 8am on a Sunday and Sky was exhausted. This escort thing was going to be harder than she originally thought. She was only 18, just hit the drinking age, and now she was prancing around London with rich, old men pretending to be something she wasn’t. She’d get the hang of it— eventually. Sky peaked into her roommate’s bedroom, and ya him a big smile. “Wakey wakey, mate.”

Tommy

Sometimes Tommy still couldn't believe he thought getting away from his dad meant getting away from escorting. Just because he was no longer living in Cork didn't mean that all of a sudden he was rich and could afford to pay the bills. He was still a school drop out without a penny in his name but at least now he had a friend by his side to help him get through the darkest times. Although he would feel much more grateful towards her if she didn't insist on waking him up at 8am in the morning after an almost sleepless night being dragged around different business events by an asshole who insisted on calling him a slut in front of all his business friends. "You know I only got two hours of sleep, right?" he groaned in his pillow. "Why do you insist on being so mean to me?"

Sky.

Sky knew that Tommy was a hard worker; he taught her the ropes after all. Even though she felt like she was still learning. No matter how poor she was, how down on her luck she was - she was glad to be in London, away from every bad town she'd lived in, school she'd attended, and foster family she'd ever been with. She tried her hardest to block out those awful memories; sometimes with drugs and alcohol. Could you blame the girl though? She'd been through enough, and she could have ended up a lot more fucked up than she was. Sky walked into the small room and sat on the corner of his bed. "It's just my way of showing my love for you." She gave him a cheeky smile. "But I wanted to show up something?" She pulled a huge wad of cash out of her boot and waved it at him. "I didn't sleep a wink all night and had to give head to a man with a shriveled up cock, but..." She paused for dramatic affect, "I think we've finally got enough for rent this month." She grinned.

Tommy

Tommy rolled his eyes but sat up, knowing that once he woke up there was no way of him going back to sleep. And he was a little curious over what Sky wanted to show him. He knew that she was out working just like him the previous night and was hoping she had a little more luck. He was paid well for his efforts but it was a very long night and one which he wasn't in a rush to repeat any time soon. There was a reason why he tended to stick to his regulars. He looked at the wad of cash that Sky was presenting him and grinned. "That's incredible! I guess the student has officially become the master now", he teased. "If we add that to the money I made last night we can pay this month's rent and get ourselves a nice dinner tonight."

Sky.

She kicked her boots off and threw them on his floor. She turned towards him and kicked her legs up on his bed to sit cross cross applesauce. “Oi Oi!!” She exclaimed, raising her hands over her head like she just won a football match. Sky brought her hands back down and tossed her dreads off of her shoulder. She beamed at the mention of a nice dinner. Since moving to London, it’s basically been Ramen noodles and sausage rolls from Greggs. A nice dinner that wasn’t paid for by someone she was going to fuck for money sounded amazing. Sky still had yet have the exclusive client list she managed to create while in New York. She was still so new to this, she had no idea what was coming. All she knew was that with sex work, she’d never made more money. She was sticking to this for sure. “Oooh, we can go to that nice place in Kensington I told you about!” She squealed, clapping her hands with excitement.

Tommy

“Male yourself at home”, he snarled, although it was clear he was only messing with her. This was sort of their little ritual for the morning after. Go to each other’s rooms, depending on who got home first, and spend some time talking about their previous nights to each other. It was a good way of making conversation but also of checking up on each other. They knew each other well enough by now to realise when their night was not the best and try to cheer the other up. It was a good system, and one which hadn’t failed so far. “That sounds really amazing, I’m in.” Tommy night have quite an impressive number of clients but rent in London wasn’t cheap. Life in general was expensive in London and they still struggled to make ends meet. He wasn’t a picky eater so getting to eat so much ramen noodles wasn’t too bad for him but he still craved a properly cooked dinner every once in a while. This was going to be their little treat and he couldn’t be more excited. “We deserve it after all we’ve been through.”

Sky.

The young escort laid face up across the bottom of his bed, her feet dangling over the edge a bit. There was nothing like a good morning cuddle puddle with your roommates. They needed to decompress after their exhausting nights. "God, you can say that again."Sky and Tommy were cut from the same stone - they were fucking survivors. They might as well have gone to hell and back. But they were here. Living. And trying to make the best of the world's shittiest cards that they were dealt. Sky turned to her side to face her friend; older brother rather. "That same guy keeps coming and telling me he'll give me 3,000 pounds to tie me up. I almost said yes last night, but I'm so afraid of being tied up, and actually getting hurt. Sad part is that I was really really close to saying fuck it and just doing it." She sighed. Sex workers have been beaten, bruised, and sometimes murdered in the past. Especially women who were sex workers. And most especially, black women who were sex workers. She was thankful for Tommy for not only showing her the ropes, but for understand her fears and the risks the job entailed.

Tommy

Tommy tensed up at her mention of the 3,000 pounds guy. This wasn’t the first time he was hearing of him as he’d approached Sky before but it was the first time he was hearing her say that she thought about accepting his offer. 3,000 pounds were good money and there was a lot they could do with it but it wasn’t worth putting Sky’s safety at risk. And he knew that’s exactly what would happen if she were to accept, especially since she was so scared about it. People like that would only take advantage of their fear. “Hey”, he said, moving around his bed so that he was closer to Sky. “I’m not going to say that’s not good money because we both know it is but it’s not worth putting your safety at risk. And I know you remember what I told you at the start of all this. Stay away from anything you’re uncomfortable doing. We’ll get by even without those 3,000.” But Tommy was scared. The temptation was always going to be there and what if it got to be too much to ignore? He would never forgive himself if Sky got hurt doing this. “I’ll pick up some more clients and we’ll be fine, I promise.”

Sky.

Damn, Sky needed a fucking security detail or something. That way she wouldn't be so afraid to do stuff like that. And she wanted to. She really fucking wanted to. Maybe she was willing to take the risk. But she couldn't do that to Tommy. She knew if something happened to her, he would be completely destroyed and blame himself for probably the rest of his life. Shy didn't love sex work, but it was good enough for now. She'd be on the streets if it weren't for her job. Sky just shook her head at the thought of him picking up more clients. Tommy already worked so hard; he didn't need to do anymore than he was already doing. "You're not doing that." She told him, her black eyes glaring at him. "You already don't get enough sleep. Have you even showered since you've been home? Eaten anything?" She asked, looking at his small frame.

Tommy

They were both protective of each other and that much was clear. They were each other’s everything, with both their family lives being less than ideal so if something happened to the other they would be crushed. And the risk was always there in their line of work. One of their clients getting carried away, getting themselves into dangerous situations...the possibilities were endless. Tommy was about to insist that it was fine and he could handle it but was silenced by her questions because she had a point. “You know I went right to bed as soon as I got home. Showering and eating wasn’t exactly priority.” He knew that didn’t sound great but could anyone blame him?

Sky.

Sky sighed because she understood, but also hated that they had to prioritize like that. Sky sat up in his bed and gave him a pat on the back. "Shower. I'll make us some food." She said, practically pushing him out of bed. "Then we'll get some more sleep." She told him. She hopped out of bed and kind of hobbled over into the kitchen. The woman put the kettle on. She opened the fridge and scanned it for something she could make them. They had a few eggs left, baked beans, some butter and bread. Half an English breakfast. Cool. Sky was determined to have the meal ready by the time Tommy was out of the shower. He had been like a big brother to her; taking her in the way he did. The least she could do was make a good breakfast for him and force him to eat.

Tommy

“Fine, I’m going pushy”, he said, although he was only teasing. It’s not like he didn’t know that he was in desperate need for a shower; he smelled like sex and drugs. The growling in his stomach only reminded him that he was quite hungry so he finally got out of bed and made his way to their tiny bathroom. Shower, food and more sleep. That sounded like the perfect plan right now. It was probably one of the quickest showers he ever took, drying up and putting on a clean pair of boxers once he dried up. “English breakfast?” he asked once he walked into the kitchen. “You’re spoiling me today.”

Sky.

Sky hummed along to some of her favorite broadway songs as she cooked. Specifically some songs from RENT. God, how she would love to be able to play Joanne. She looked up to her so much when she was younger because she was a black woman on stage — something that she didn’t get to see much. “I am.” She sang, when he walked in. She made a plate for the both of them and sat down across from him. It wasn’t until then when she realized she hoe hungry she was. “Fuck.” She said, digging into her food.

Tommy

Tommy took a seat at the table and dug in as soon as Sky places the plate in front of him. He was starving. This was a habit that he couldn’t break no matter how hard he tried. Sometimes he could go a whole day without eating anything only to annihilate everything in front of him the second he’s presented with food. Today was no different and his plate was completely empty in a matter of minutes. “Thanks for this, I really needed it. I’m in a much better mood now.”

Sky.

Sky smiled at Tommy. She cared about him like no one else did. The very least she could do was make him a good breakfast. She hoped that one day she would be able to help him the way that he helped her. He almost literally gripped her from perdition and literally saved her life. Without Tommy, Sky would probably still be in a ditch. And while they still didn't have much, at least she had someone to share it with. "Anything for you, Tom."

#discord #tommy

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jamiebluewind · 5 years ago

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Fantasy High Theory: Fabian has an eating disorder

TW: eating disorder symptoms, anorexia symptoms, abuse mention, death mention, violence mention, gun mention, alcohol mention, drug mention, trauma mention, smoking mention,...

Word Count: about 2100

I know this is a big assumption to make with what we have, but I couldn't ignore all the data and the warning signs. In fact, I think that even if Fabian does not have an eating disorder at this time, he's certainly at risk for one and needs the issues addressed before it gets worse.

Before I get into it, let me remind everyone that I am about to talk about a very heavy subject. Remember, stay safe and consider the warnings before you continue. You can always message me for a summary of the red flags or for an edited version if you need it. I would rather you be safe than to have you're like on my theory.

Okay? Okay. Let's start by defining a few things.

Eating Disorder: Any of a range of psychological disorders in which people experience severe disturbances in their eating behaviors and related thoughts/emotions. People with eating disorders typically become pre-occupied with food and/or their body weight/shape.

ARFID: Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder is an eating disorder characterized by eating very little food and/or avoiding eating certain foods. It does not include having a distorted body image (as occurs in anorexia nervosa) or being preoccupied with body image (as occurs in bulimia nervosa). People with avoidant/restrictive food intake may not eat because they lose interest in eating or because they think eating has harmful consequences. They may avoid certain foods because of their color, consistency, or odor. When it becomes more severe, it can cause substantial weight loss, slower-than-expected growth in children, difficulty participating in normal social activities, and sometimes life-threatening nutritional deficiencies.

Anorexia nervosa: Diagnosed when patient BMI (body mass index which is a rule of thumb measuring body size vs mass) is low for their age and height. Severity is classified as mild (BMI of greater than 17), moderate (BMI of 16–16.99), severe (BMI of 15–15.99), or extreme (BMI of less than 15). Hallmarks of anorexia include limited food intake, excessive monitoring of the calorie and fat content of food, fear of being “fat”, problems with body image, denial of low body weight, excessive exercise, food rituals, cold intolerance, mood swings, sleeping issues, chronic fatigue, distorted body image, and many more. Eventually, the body goes into starvation which cause a lot of bad symptoms.

Atypical anorexia nervosa: All of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met, except the individual's weight is within or above the normal range.

Again, ANY BMI can still mean a person has an eating disorder. It is NOT confined to those that are underweight. The BMI is only there as a red flag and to help classify severity of anorexia. I want to make this very clear, not just for my theory, but for the people reading this who recognize parts of it in themselves or others. I'm about to give an example that gets... personal in order to show that people who don't fit the stereotype of being underweight can still have an eating disorder. How personal? My own.

I am overweight to obese (depending on the doctor and the range). I don't exercise much. I eat pretty well around friends. But I have an eating disorder. I just... don't get hungry most of the time, so I forget to eat a lot more often than is healthy. A LOT more. I've been to the hospital a few times due to dehydration. I've collapsed because I literally forgot to eat for two or three days. I could have died at one point because despite being overweight, I was eating so little that things just... stopped working. Again, I was overweight. People and doctors thought I was just lazy. I was told to eat less and exercise more. Even my blood tests came back fine until one day, they didn't. And even then, nobody listened. Somebody doesn't have to look how you expect them to in order to have a problem. Also, don't be afraid to reach out for help if you feel like some of this hits close to home or someone you know is showing symptoms. It's okay to need help.

So remember, eating disorders can affect anybody with any body. The important thing is to be kind, supportive, and encourage professional help such as cognitive therapy.

****

Now to list Fabian's risk factors (I only listed the ones I believe he has)

Dysfunction family: This is a big risk factor for Fabian. His father is chaotic evil and (despite loving his son) puts massive pressure on him and tries to make him conform to his ideal for most of Fabian's life. Fabian has seen his father abuse his crew and snap at the drop of a hat. His mother has been a heavy alcoholic and mostly absent his entire first 16 years and when she gets off alcohol, she puts an extreme amount of pressure on him herself.

Abuse: This is another big one. His parents have been verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, neglectful in a variety of ways, controlling, manipulative, isolating, and his mother rested his food intake. He could have also been physically abused in the guise of sparing.

Genetics: Fabian's mother is very slim. Using images of weights and comparing it to her shape, she in fact fits the underweight shape which may or may not imply a genetic component depending on if the normal body shapes are different for high elves or not.

Exposure to warped body ideals and weight stigma: Exposure to "body ideals" in places like the media (especially if at a young age) can increase body dysfunction and eating disorder risk. Weight stigma can make this worse due to discrimination and stereotyping based on a person’s weight. Fabian has actually been exposed to this a lot due to his father and the crew. He's a kid around very strong muscular people and he feels pushed to get stronger to live up to his dad. It's also very easy to imagine that crew members who were not strong or active enough got a very bad reaction from his father, which would reinforce the ideal. Some of this is conjecture, but it's not so far outside the realm of possibility to be impossible.

Participation in sports: He's on the Bloodrush team and is a fencer.

Pressure to have a certain body shape from family: I think this risk factor is there too, especially when his mother takes over training.

Bullying/Teasing: Fabian was actually bullied by peers when he first starts school, but I believe his parents were bullying him long before that.

Trauma and PTSD: Oh boy, is this solid. He was most likely traumitized by his parents before high school. He saw two new friends die the first day of school and nearly died himself, only saved by Riz. He watched two teachers die by gunshot right in front of him (and a staff member killed by bludgeoning). Fabian mentions having nightmares about Riz killing Daybreak which might have been due to it being via gunshot. He was forced to kill people due to the situation he found himself in. The person who was supposed to have been helping them the entire time (Biz) turned out to be an evil dude who trapped one friend in a palimpsest and wanted to capture another. He was stuck in jail for weeks! His family was attacked, his home was damaged, and his dad died (and by his hand no less). He and his friends almost died to a dragon. That's a LOT of trauma for a kid to try to process and Jawbone mentioned that he never came to visit him, so he probably dealt with a lot of it on his own.

Low self-esteem: This is unfortunately something else he has. Despite all the bravado, he doesn't know how to be a friend or have people like him for who he is (instead of who his parents are or how much money he has). He tries to put up a cool front, but he judges himself very harshly.

Perfectionism. One of the strongest risk factors for an eating disorder is perfectionism, especially self-oriented perfectionism, which involves setting unrealistically high expectations for oneself. If they fail to meet their high expectations, the person becomes very self-critical. Fabian has this type of perfectionism.

History of an anxiety disorder: This one is reaching, but possible. People often show signs of an anxiety disorder (generalized anxiety, social phobia, OCD,...) before the onset of an eating disorder and Fabian stays on edge a lot, worries excessively, puts up a front, and deals with nightmares.

Substance abuse: Fabian has had alcohol and drugs before the age of 16, his parents almost encouraging it. He smokes regularly. Addiction runs in his family as well with his mother being an alcoholic and his father doing multiple drugs. Neither parent even hides the fact that they take drugs and drink alcohol to excess, the crew probably took drugs and got drunk in front of a young Fabian, and Bill offered drugs to his friends upon meeting them.

History of using weight-controling methods and dieting: Fabian exercises a great deal. He skips meals. He has a limited number of things he will eat. There is a lot of evidence to back this up.

Limited social networks: This was a HUGE issue before high school. Fabian was very isolated. He had no friends, limited social activities, and lacked proper social support. Recently, he's been skipping class exclusively which on top of smoking a lot, puts distance between him and other people.

Long story short? Our boy is at risk. Big time.

****

List of common signs of eating disorders (including anorexia)

Limited food intake: Seen when he has mostly protein smoothies, his mother tries to give him limited rations, and when he refuses to eat with his friends more and more as the series goes on. The first incident of it was in Cool Kids, Cold Case where Fabian refused the food he was offered on two separate occasions, passing it to Riz both times. Once was after the battle with Daybreak and being stuck at the police station a good while. The other was when the teens were hanging out at Riz's appartment when Sklonda got takeout. Fabian's mom also makes him earn food as seen in the live show. This mentality could have very well been internalized, even with Cathilda there to try and give him more.

Excessive monitoring of the calorie and fat content of food: He worries about empty calories, how fattening something is, and removed the cheese from a slice of pizza and dabbed the oil

Fear of being “fat” or in a shape that is not the ideal: In episode 1 of season 2, he is very preoccupied with staying trim and tight.

Excessive exercise: He exercises who knows how long every morning plus for Bloodrush plus the times outside of that

Food rituals: This is interacting with food a certain way (like small bites or how it's prepared) which causes anxiety when not followed. The pizza event might be one, but it's hard to say without a pattern.

Sleeping issues: Fabian has issues with sleeping, dreaming, and nightmares. His father confirmed this and he himself mentioned his nightmares.

Weight loss: By comparing his previous official artwork with his new official artwork, it's easy to see that Fabian looks visibly thinner. He's also VERY cut. (very defined muscles requiring very little fat) for his age. He was muscular last year sure, but his chest and abs are much more defined this year. Being that cut means that despite how muscular Fabian is, he has been eating less and probably doing fat burning exercises, getting a lot of his nutrition from multivitamins and whey, and would have less energy than normal.

Negative energy balance/chronic fatigue: This is only a possibility, but it deserves being mentioned. If this is going on, it puts a spin on some of Fabian's other actions in season 2, episode 1. He showed up late on move in day and didn't really move anything (just carried a book), which might have been a character thing, but could have also been because Fabian is running on empty and capable of things like adrenaline fueled busts of energy, but otherwise dealing with low energy and fatigue.

Also, Fabian is smoking now which works as an appetite suppressant as is common among those with eating disorders.

(Signs with no evidence as of this post: problems with body image, denial of low body weight, cold intolerance, mood swings)

~*~*~*~*~*~

TLDR: Fabian is showing a lot of symptoms of an eating disorder and also over a dozen risk factors. The number of both is substantial enough to see a pattern. Enough that I sincerely hope that it's acknowledged during the season because if Fabian does not have an eating disorder, he is at substantial risk of developing one.

PS: I know it's data heavy, I might have missed a few things, and it could be totally wrong, but I seen enough there that I thought it might make for a solid theory. D20 is no stranger to heavy subjects and I think if they do cover it, they will do a good job (as always). If they don't, I still learned a lot making this theory and maybe a few of you will as well. ^_^

#fantasy high #fabian seacaster #d20 theory #dimension 20 #d20 #theory #tw eating disorder #tw anorexia #tw anxiety mention #tw abuse mention #tw violence mention #tw trauma mention #fantasy high spoilers #tinfoil time

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kieren-fucking-walker · 5 years ago

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Hello! I’m excited to do this as I don’t rec much, reccing things terrifies me because I hate feeling like I’m picking/playing favourites and leaving people out, and I also am just generally bad at picking my favourites of anything because I like too many things too much. I also am very bad at bookmarking, keeping track of fics I read, and generally being able to recall the names of fics to be able to rec them. So, with all that in mind I thought I’d start with something easy, on the understanding that this isn’t by any means an exhaustive list and I’d be more comfortable with this being “ten fics I like” rather than a top ten because there are far far too many fics I love in this fandom to ever do a list of favourites. So, in no particular order:

Ten fics under ten thousand words (that I love):

Hypocrite by Lynds [@gold-from-straw] - Rating: G, WC: 1.6k, Pairing: N/A

Summary: How can Todd possibly expect to be forgiven if he still can't forgive everyone who hurt him? Why I love it: This is one of my favourite explorations of a very specific part of Todd’s character, and it’s worth noting that the characteristics are spot on. I come back to this fic over and over again, and while in many ways it’s painful it’s also real and honest and just a beautiful bit of writing concerning Todd and his guilt.

Dork Greatly's Holistic Laundry Service by obscureenthusiast - Rating: G, WC: 2.8k, Pairing: Brotzly (kind of)

Summary: Dirk very generously offers to help Todd with his household chores... an offer which Todd eventually takes him up on. The laundry gets a little out of hand when Todd remembers a game he and Amanda used to play and Dirk enthusiastically joins.

Why I love it: Cute!! It’s cute silly fun of these two bonding over laundry and sock puppets, gentle ribbing and acting like children. It gets even better when Farah joins in, I’m a sucker for those three being dorks together.

My Mind Is My Own Worst Enemy; It Keeps Trying To Convince Me That You Are by DontOffendTheBees [@dont-offend-the-bees] - Rating: T, WC: 1.6k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: His voice is so familiar and yet also just so… wrong. There’s something missing in it. Some vital aspect of Todd that Dirk didn’t even notice until it was gone.

Why I love it: ANGST! This appeals to every single one of my angst tendencies, and as I’m using this rec list to rec things I love I have to give a shoutout to the most wonderfully angsty fic I’ve read. I love this fic. I love the premise, I love the tension, I love the way it’s written, I love how awful the situation is. I love the way this fic is resolved, I love that it’s plausible, realistic in that. It’s incredibly emotional in all the worst ways and that makes it one of my favourite short fics ever.

Cut To The Feeling by zaphodthebb - Rating: G, WC: 2.1k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: Post Blackwing rescue, Todd is awake and on guard duty. He's had too much coffee. Also, Dirk can't sleep.

Why I love it: I’m such a sucker for post-big-things fic and this one nails the feeling perfectly. You can feel the exhaustion, the way smaller things they didn’t have time to worry about before catching up to them now they can stop for a moment. Both Dirk and Todd feel tired and real and it’s just a lovely read.

split the secret up by piggy09 [@sharkodactyl] - Rating: T, WC: 5.1k, Pairing: N/A

Summary: He asks if Dirk can hear it and Dirk just laughs, the sound reassuringly human.Well, not reassuringly. Reassuringly would mean Todd had to be reassured.It’s just – it sounds human. Which is good. Because Dirk is human. Definitely

Why I love it: Why don’t I love it? The idea of the Blackwing subjects being Eldritch in some way is a concept I’ve explored numerous times because it appeals to me so much, and if it appeals to you then you want to read this fic. It’s eerie and unsettling, the ability to hit the tone of not-quite-right is perfect, the pacing is astounding and it’s so hard to write a fic like this and keep the idea together as well as it’s done here. I love experimental styles of writing and when they turn out like this it’s not hard to see why. I love this fic a lot. (I would also recommend reading on desktop not mobile because the formatting of this fic adds so much to it!)

Catharsis by ben8615 - Rating: T, WC: 1.3k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: Dirk is broken as heck, so why not have him cry it out? That's it. That's the whole story. You can all go home now.

Why I love it: The title and summary say it all really! This is such a lovely little fic about Dirk getting some catharsis in a way we all know he desperately needs, and paired with Todd taking care of him so gently? It’s such a perfect, wonderful little fic that just feels quiet and safe and wonderful.

objects in mirror may be closer than they appear by sharlook [@aceabed] - Rating: T, WC: 8.8k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: You’re alone, with your arms wrapped tight around a pillow at god knows what time in the night, and there are tears running down your face because you can’t seem to stop thinking about it, not even in your dreams. And then clutching your covers you get an idea. (In which Dirk has nightmares about Blackwing, goes to Todd for help, and is really, really, really in love.)

Why I love it: This fic aches in such a beautiful way. It doesn’t shy away from the ramifications of what Dirk went through and how that plays out for him, his fears and paranoias feel real and present in a way I really appreciate. The choice to use second person is a really good one, it’s a tricky pov to pull off but this definitely gets it right and is better for it. The development of Dirk and Todd’s relationship, particularly looking at Todd’s reactions to Dirk’s worries through Dirk’s eyes is just wonderful and it’s well worth a read.

Those Grey Days by TheRoyalPrussianArmy [@theroyalprussianarmy] - Rating: G, WC: 2.4k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: The bad days weren't always days. They could creep up, like some small, silent predator and deliver a swift bite that poisoned its victim's outlook. A blue sky could turn into grey one heartbeat after a laugh. The gentle sound of the wind in the trees would suddenly become overwhelmingly irritating. Even so much as a door closing or footsteps across the floor could lead to a strong desire to cry and scream, to rage and throw things. They would always pass, of course, but in the moment they were devastating.

Why I love it: We all know I love a good Todd characterisation, and I love a good exploration of the shitty realities of bad mental health and letting other people help you with that. I really really love this fic for both of those reasons, it’s unflinching without being gratuitous, and I really love the way it doesn’t promise sudden miraculous recovery at the hands of someone else, but ends on a gentler kind of promise of having people be there for you if you let them be. Also I’m a huge fan of the way this is written, it reads so nicely and it’s more than worth it.

Light Work by juniper_and_lamplight [@juniper-and-lamplight] - Rating: T, WC: 2.8k, Pairing: Farina

Summary: Tina had, with her typical blunt insight, poked at Farah’s motivations for baking the cake herself. “Is it some kind of control-freaky thing? Like you can’t trust anyone else to get it right?” And while Farah couldn’t honestly say no to that question, her real motivation ran deeper.

Why I love it: This fic is wonderful. I always think we need more Farah insights, and this fic does just that in such a beautiful way, catching on her idiosyncrasies and the character building is to die for. It’s such a simple idea and yet the story itself manages to be rich and full, the imagery is simply gorgeous and every little snippet of a look into Farah’s life as it was in the past and is right now just delights me. Honestly this fic will leave you with a sweet, warm feeling all the way down to your toes and dwelling in the comfort of knowing Farah is loved by herself and others in all the ways she deserves.

or make a home by reptilianraven [@actualbird] - Rating: T, WC: 6.6k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: “Perhaps,” Dirk says in his best ‘yes, I’m bullshitting you, but I’m your boyfriend and you love me still’ voice. “The universe wants it this way.”“The universe wants you to always forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste,” Todd says, unimpressed, screwing the cap on himself.-Or Todd’s adventures in dating Dirk Gently, the mundanities of which unsurprisingly turning out to not be very mundane at all (featuring, among other things: intergalactic wormholes, regular periods of lying down on the floor, and several annoying habits that concern toothpaste and toothbrushes.)

Why I love it: You know those fics you read that make you want to throw your face into a pillow and scream with emotions? Yeah. This fic is so ridiculously good. The beauty of mundane daily rituals that make up part of a relationship! The way those things grow together, evolving into each others spaces and lives, this fic explores that so well. The portrayal of their relationship is so soft and tender, so happy and bright and silly and sad and everything a relationship should be. Honestly I can’t overstate enough how much I love this fic, I can’t go on and on here, but I’m about 99% sure this fic invented love-in-small-spaces kinda way. Also, sidetracking from all my other comments, if you like Mika’s song Tiny Love and the reprise of it then you’ll love this fic because I listened to it and immediately thought of it. Beautiful, emotional, fic. If this fic was a blanket I’d burrito myself in it and never leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There we go! I obviously have far more than ten fics that fall into this category and hopefully more of them will be cropping up over the course of this week if I can find the time to make that happen, but as this is something I’m lowkey scared of doing I’m pleased enough to have this much! Thank you so much to @dghdafeedbackfest for organising this!

If you read any of these fics and like them please let the author know! Also check out some of their other stuff, because a lot of these authors are writers I love in general!

#dghda feedback fest #dghda #fic recs #my posts #this fandom is so talented and I love you all so much #i had to limit myself to ten because otherwise it never would have happened #and I could make ten more of these lists and still not have all my fave fics in it #i love everyone who contributes to this fandom #and I neeeeeeed to work my way through both my fic and commenting backlog because I am so far behind it's not even funny #i also wanted to rec stuff I love but don't see recced as often #esp older stuff that I keep going back to

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twitchesandstitches · 6 years ago

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Cobalt Stingers - Space Pirate Rivals to the MILF Fleet

THE COBALT STINGERS

Pretty much at the beginning of the fleet’s creation, the original groups comprising the fleet’s founding members split away from them and formed their own group and have since acted as rivals, friendly antagonists, and of late, anti-heroes willing to do things that the fleet does not when things get real serious once its become clear the danger the multiverse may be in.

For the most part, they are specifically an action-y group of space pirates that started at the exact same time and place as the fleet, armed with their own collection of strange magical artifacts and unique powers. They are dedicated rivals to the fleet, intending on making themselves into the most famous and powerful figures in all the multiverse, gathering many to them as groupies. Imagine a a combination of the ‘harmless adventuring pirate’ archetype and a rock band, with an emphasis on putting on as much of a show and garnering fame and attention, and you have them at the core. For the most part, they do not do much harm; these aren’t enemies, mostly. Eventually, though, as they become aware of the horrific situation the multiverse is in, they shift gears and attempt to avert catastrophe, in far more ruthless ways than the fleet will permit. In general, though, they are friendly rivals, lovers and exes, rather than true enemies. Less epic space battles, more goofy races for That Sweet Treasure Trove.

From the trolls was the big core of the cobalts, and the source of their name: Vriska Serket, a cerulean troll obsessed with the glorious part of her people and yearning for the security of a true homeland, became rivals with her friend Terezi over their disagreements over a thing called ‘collateral damage’, and with her partner (in every way) Eridan Ampora, around the same time that Terezi’s new mini-girlfriend Sierra got the Eupeptic Gestat with all its amazing power-gaining abilities, Vriska discovered something similar, a magical stone fountain that flowed not with water, but with raw power. It came with a key that fuses with the heart of whoever takes it for their own, and by claiming it, she can add powers to it and bestow them onto others as she pleases. She can make these claims by physically devouring them or in some way asserting her authority upon them; making them swear loyalty to her qualifies. However, in order to unlock its true powers, she must locate the final piece of the relic, a crown that confers absolute authority and dominon over others.

Some other trolls traveling with Vriska at the time included Ardata (a protege, of sorts, for Vriska), Lanque (a jadeblood vampire troll looking for adventure) a pair of yellowbloods naamed Folkyi and Kuprem (living FTL engines and enemy debuffer), and many others. Eridan Ampora also came with her, and most of the trolls that had origianlly been with their group and cared more for profit than secrets. They run the hemospectrum, but tend towardsd the colder colors, generally purple and blue.

From Sierra’s original group split off Alejandro and Heather, two humans that were effectively vilalins from their world, with a penchant for schemes, sabotaging foes through political manuevering, and had a hard time influencing someone as obstinate as Sierra was. They got along great with Vriska, finding something of a kindred spirit in her. Thanks to her, Alejandro has smoke-themed powers that let him turn into smoke or weaponize it, while Heather can turn into living diamond-like gold as a perfect defense. They also brought along Scarlet, a much nastier schemer than either of them, but who has found an occupation as a true schemer among them. Duncan has also joined them as something of a heavy-hitting enforcer type guy, and is a huge glory seeker even by their standards.

The Autobot remnants weren’t just Autobots; out of necessity they gathered neutrals who declined to join either side during the Cybertronian civil war, and even former Decepticons who had left their empire seeing the genocidal extremes it had sunk to, as well as their Lord Megatron being all but a outright vessel of some… thing they refuse to elaborate on. Tensions were high in this group, with mutual Autobot and Decepticon hatred, and most of those Decepticons followed former internal affairs and spymaster, Soundwave, as did his human-sized offspring: Ravage the beast-bot, mischievous Rumble, ferocious Frenzy, straitlaced Laserbeak, and obnoxious Ratbat. He elected to follow Vriska’s plans in pursuit of… well, not glory, no one knows WHY he cares. It’s suspected that he’s become something of a team dad to the Cobalts and even if he doesn’t care about fame or wealth, he does want them to stay secure. He is certainly obsessed with safety and security, above all else.

Other ‘Cons that have come with him includes the mighty Strika, and at least two known teams of former ‘Cons: the Stunticons, a hot-rodding team of mercenaries that transform into car analogues and presently led by sleek race car Knockout, who is also the chief of medical concerns on the pirate fleets) and the Combaticons, who prefer to be in their combined form of Bruticus Maximus, and otherwise are deadly tanks, jets and helicotpers, living engines of destruction; they’re very much like dark counterparts to the Dinobots, being a tight knit team built for destruction.

Those individuals and teams form the inner circle of the Cobalts, the most elite and respected of them. However, they wouldn’t be a threat to the fleet if they weren’t numerous, and they are VERY numerous, in general, it is best to assume that any given group that dispersed and became part of the fleet had their less ethical counterparts or enemies get snatched up with the Cobalts, and they have had a number of others join their ranks, as listed below. For the most part, note that any individual Cobalt is likely far more powerful than many of the fleet at once; while Vriska’s power fountain doesn’t give power quickly, it can empower people far more easily and plenty at once, without having to craft things as the Gestat does. Consequently, the Cobalts are way more powerful on average, though perhaps less versatile and not as modded up, for better or worse.

Additional Decepticons - Following Soundwave from the beginning or called since the events of the Cobalt’s forming; if a ‘Con from Robots In Disguise 2016 isn’t specifically listed elsewhere, assume they are here. They run the gamut from ‘monstrous robot modes’, to cars, and especially the militarized vehicles common to Decepticon ranks.

Gems: A good number of Gems have come to their side, initially for refuge, and later wit the promise of rebuilding their empire in time. Most of these originally hailed from Yellow Diamond’s court, but they include Holly Blue Agate, Aquamarine, possibly Jasper, Peridot and Lapis Lazuli depending on whether or not they fit better here or in the main crew (they may defect later). Generally former high-ranking Gems.

Eldar corsairs: Eldar pirates who prey on mortals to feed their own psychic powers and to amuse themselves, plenty of these Eldar have joined up with the Cobalts to take part in their fame, or were bested and swore allegiance to them. It’s rumoured that Vriska’s ancestor may have set the Dark Eldar on their current path and taught them their refined forms of cruelty and wickedness. In any case, Eldar-style technology forms the basis of the more refined technological aesthetic the Cobalts favor, up to ‘piloting’ giant robots by psychically attuning to them from a distance. A secret Dark Eldar ritual transforms someone into a giant fit to crush and demolish entire cities, and certainly Vriska and others like her will make use of it.

Ork Freebooters: hundreds of orks have pledged loyalty to the inner circle of the Cobalts, bringing with them a ton of looted weaponry, deadly war machines, and a lust for conquest most clearly marked in their leader, Captain Bluddflag.

Rogue Asari: A large portion of Asari, generally the Ardat-Yakshi who have had their condition selectively controlled by Vriska’s new powers, have joined as elite warrior and battlemages/living siege engines. They number hugely at this point, given new fertility despite their condition as a result of a bargain cut with the fleet, and make a good chunk of the Cobalt’s numbers. With them are their meat-shield thralls: bataarian soldiers, bangaa brutes, and a sizable army of those now claimed by them.

League of Villainy: Originally a group across many universes dedicated to organizing super villains and criminals with immense powers, supplying their organizations, helping them control their abilities, and perhaps coming to various agreements with society to allow them to take control and fulfill their various ambitions. Over time, with increasing cataclysms, the stability they required to do such things ceased to be, and they faded away but for a few pockets of civilization, and the Cobalts found them. Now comprising a large number of superpowered brutes, mad scientists, schemers, vengeance-addicted layabouts and many others united only in avarice and raw power, they joined the Cobalts, lured by greater promises of… less destructive nastiness. Their leader of a sort of a woman called Shego (of Kim Possible), who has mastered all the powers she could originally have in canon (destruction blasts, size shifting, super speed, super strength, self-cloning), her close friend and partner Giganta. Eobard Thawne is another leader and now an important technical advisor for the Inner Circle, and countless villains of a thousand worlds now answer to the Cobalts. (Imagine a comic book-style villain; if they’re not too evil, or not really team players, they can be here!)

Human Gangsters: At some point the Cobalts came upon a human criminal organization and promptly defeated it and absorbed it into their ranks; of these, its biggest leader, a modern outlaw named Elizabeth Caladonia Ashe (as from Overwatch), saw fit to convince her closest allies to join up with the new winning team. She’s brought in enough ships, firepower and connections to continue funding the Cobalts and give them influence they might otherwise not have. They even have access to old-school human war machines, giant mechs, and designs for destroyer-class ships, and a large assortment of combat-grade sapient robots who think this all sounds like a ton of fun.

Team Skull: Technically part of Ashe’s gang, but by communing with the strange entities called Pokemon, they’ve learned how to call upon them and bond with them, commanding them; they’re fairly moral influences within the Cobalts, in spite of their raw power, and it’s suggested their boss Guzma is going to make Inner Circle sooner or later.

Succubi: During an accident with a rift and a poorly timed summoning ritual, a little over a thousand spirits of desire and lust awere conjured into being from the influence of the Cobalts, assuming hyper-endowed and very curvaceous forms with the humans on the crew as a basis. Very magically powerful and charmed by their notions of desire in an abstract way, they are… if not loyal, at least bound to the Cobalts by uncertain aspects of their very existence. Incredibly powerful, they actually generate raw magic, empowering magic users in the Cobalts, and technically immortal; if slain, they reform a short while later on one of the pirate ships.

#/#//#///#////#//////#crossthicc AU

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bloodstained-porcelain-doll · 7 years ago

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Sugar and Spice, epilogue

Summary: You and Richard get married, and enjoy uour wedding night. Word count: 1371 Warnings: smut A/N: Beta’ed by @pepperwoodatnight and this is the dress Briana wears. The Y/N link still isn’t working for me, I’m so sorry :( And apologies for how long it took to get this chapter up, but here it is!!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Chapter 8/epilogue: The wedding

Two years and three months after Richard proposed to you, you were holding Rob’s arm as he walked you down the aisle. All your friends and family, both from before you met Rich and after, were sitting on each side of you, and up by the altar stood the most wonderful man you knew, with a breathtaking smile on his lips. Briana was your maid of honour and she looked amazing in the deep red dress that matched your shoes, Rob’s pocket square and Richard’s tie. The four of you had become inseparable during the last years, and you couldn't be happier for it.

Rob walked you all the way up to the altar, kissed your cheek, and then took his side behind Richard. Rich’s eyes darted all over you, from your hair, to your dress, your eyes and your shoes. You smiled at him before the officiant began.

“Friends and family, we are gathered here today, to celebrate the union between two souls. Miss Y/N Y/L/N, and Mr Richard Speight Jr. Feelings come alive at a wedding. Great happiness, some sadness, apprehension and sometimes pure relief! There is an acute awareness that something special, something that goes to the very heart of life, is about to happen. Something is gone forever, and something is born, brand new and tender. Something to be nurtured and cared for, protected and cherished, challenged and strengthened.”

You felt your lips tremble with anticipation when you looked at your soon to be husband.

“The bride and groom will now share a few words,” the officiant said, and turned to Richard first. He took a step forward and reached for your hands, holding them in his as he looked into your eyes.

“Y/N, sweetie, I take you to be my partner for life, I promise above all else to live in truth with you, and to communicate fully and fearlessly. I give you my hand and my heart, as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor, as I join my life to yours."

You fought back tears as you listened to his words, and then the officiant turned to you.

"I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you. And I already get to share with you…” you said and took a step closer, moving his hands to your belly. “Our baby, to laugh with and cry with, to care for, to run with and walk behind, to build with and live with.”

You'd never seen Richard’s eyes as wide as when you finished talking. The crowd cheered louder than before and you heard Briana’s “yeah!” from behind you.

“You're pregnant?” Richard whispered and a huge smile broke out on his face. His hands cupped your cheeks and he pulled you into a kiss right then and there. “Oh…” the officiant said when you broke the kiss. “I thought you might do the rings before.” Everyone laughed, not least Rich.

“Sorry, I got a little ahead of myself,” he admitted with a blush, making everyone laugh again. Briana stepped up with a smile on her lips, handing one of the rings to Richard.

“I, Richard Speight Jr, take you, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife,” he proclaimed and slipped the ring onto your finger, and Briana gave you the second ring. “I, Y/N Y/L/N, take you, Richard Speight Jr, to be my lawfully wedded husband.” You slid the ring onto his finger.

“You may kiss the bride. Again,” the officiant said with a smile, and Richard wrapped his arms around you, kissing you softly, and he still couldn't stop smiling. He lifted you up in the air and spun you around, making you giggle, and each and every person in the room started clapping their hands, Rob the hardest.

After the reception, Richard picked you up and carried you bridal style to your hotel room. You were still in your dress, which he loved. “You look so beautiful, sweetie,” he said and kissed you softly before putting you down. “You do too. The most handsome man I’ve ever met.” “You know… I actually believe you when you say that nowadays. You’ve boosted my confidence so much since we’ve been together.” You grinned and kissed him again.

“I know. The first year you were hesitant to even get shirtless, now you walk around almost naked on a daily basis.” You chuckled at the adorable blush that crept up Richard’s cheek. “Our baby is gonna be the most beautiful creature on the planet,” he whispered and cupped your cheeks.

“Even if she’s not, we’ll love her all the same,” you reminded him. “She?” His eyes lit up again. You nodded with a small smile. “The doctor was pretty sure.” “How far along are you?” he asked and put one hand on your belly again. You hadn’t really started showing yet. At most you’d think you were slightly bloated.

“Thirteen weeks. I should start showing anytime now.” “You’ll look amazing.” “Promise you’ll love me all the way through the pregnancy? No matter how annoying I get.”

Richard chuckled and picked you up again. “I swear on my life.” “Good. Now let’s consummate this marriage?” “That’s an old-fashioned ritual,” he joked. “Well we don’t have to if you don-” His lips were on yours in a second. “Have you ever known me to turn you down?”

He walked you to the bed and laid you down, more gently than usual. Hovering above you, he leaned down to kiss your lips, your jaw, your neck and chest, and let his hands slide down your body, down your legs, taking off both your shoes. He gripped the hems of your dress and slid it up your legs, running his hands up your stockings and rolling them down.

“You’re so slooowww,” you whined, but smiled at the same time. “Mm’wanna take my time,” he murmured against your skin as he pulled the stockings off, hoisting your dress further up, onto your hips.

Rich slid your panties down your legs, and when he noticed how wet you were, he let out a low groan, burying his face between your legs, kissing, licking and sucking on your pussy. Your hands immediately flew down to his hair, grabbing and stroking as you wrapped your legs around his head, but not too tightly.

“Rich… please… need you to- to fuck me,” you moaned after a while. Richard chuckled and pulled away, quickly undressing. He climbed on top of you, leaned down to kiss your lips, and then he slowly guided his hard cock into you. You grabbed onto his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling into another kiss. Seconds later he started moving, pulling out and thrusting back in, picking up his pace as he went. He had you moaning loudly within minutes as his hands roamed your half-clothed body and his mouth claimed yours.

You wrapped your legs around his hips to pull him closer, deeper into you. He was your husband now, and you were his wife. You kissed him even harder when the smile broke out on your face.

“What?” he breathed out and smiled back. “Mmm… I love you,” you mumbled, kissing him again. “Love you too, sweetie…”

Richard ran his hands up your legs and then hoisted them over his shoulders, and as he reached down and started rubbing your clit, you felt it. The electricity. The heat. The relief. You dug your nails into his shoulders and moaned his name out loud as you came around him. He groaned at the feeling, and came seconds later, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

He chuckled softly when he pulled out and rolled off you. You straightened your dress and moved onto your side, looking your husband in the eye. “I’ve never been happier than I am right now,” you whispered. “Me neither, baby, me neither.”

Tagging: @lucifer-in-leather @castielspahdehrah @pepperwoodatnight @becaamm @mariairwin666 @sama1314 @fuckyeahfeysand @daddyslittleraven @feelmyroarrrr @bea789 @myplaceofthingsilove @rockfairy @thepoet1975 @wedontapologize

RSJ tags: @demise-laufeyson @idk-fandom @volunteerfandomdepartment

Sugar and Spice tags: @lucifersxvessel @with-eyes-turned-skywards @meganwinchester1999 @jannalionheart @kinkystevesgirl @magpiegirl80 @catlady25me @lamthetwickster @bellastellaluna @melodyhiddleston @izzyweisz @calicat79 @amyapathetic @volunteerfandomdepartment @crowley-you-sinnamon-roll @thechinad0ll @chloemac86 @i-voted-crowley @tas898 @laffytaffyhumor @please-stop-killing-dean @baritonechick @secretlyshycomputer @girl-next-door-writes @jaliania @clueless-gold @waywardswain @thoughtsoftheantagonist @fandooomqueenforyou @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @waywardmoeyy @ciaprincess @hay-yo-its-jo @ourloveisforthelovely @troubletrumble @the-devils-prophet @capital-eyyyy-ohhh @omgitss0y @evra-von-what @destiel-addict-forever @schizonephilim @perksofbeingafangirl26 @assbuttidjitjerk @aquivercactus @devilsnevercry1388 @asgardianvamp21 @my-hit-list

#Richard Speight Jr #Richard Speight Jr x reader #Richard Speight Jr x you #smut #Sugar and Spice

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sapphicscholar · 7 years ago

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Prompt from Love Sanvers for Sanvers attending a friend's wedding with lots of fluff at their table, under their table with wandering hands, having the bouquet fall between them on the table, slow dancing, sipping champagne, sweet random kisses, and talking about their own wedding. Please oh please oh pretty please.

Since I spent a few hours at a bridal shower recently, this felt only appropriate… This is pretty much pure fluff (though my nerd notes are kinda smutty this week)

Chapter Text

“Who has an outdoor wedding in October in the Northeast?” Alex hissed, shivering slightly in her dress as she leaned further into Maggie.

“Are you sure you don’t want my jacket?” Maggie offered for what felt like the hundredth time. Knowing what fall weather in a state other than California could feel like, she’d had the foresight to wear a suit and felt quite comfortable beneath the layers.

“No, you look sexy; I don’t want to ruin the aesthetic.”

“I care far more about you not getting hypothermia than about my aesthetic,” Maggie whispered.

“I won’t, you know I just don’t like the cold.”

“Fair enough. But you’ll let me know if you change your mind?”

“I promise.” After a moment, she turned back to Maggie and asked: “The reception is indoors, right?”

“Right,” Maggie confirmed. “At least the ceremony part isn’t normally too long.”

“I’m trusting you.”

“Don’t worry, Tasha isn’t one for overly formal events. I bet we’re out of here in half an hour.”

As it turned out, the ceremony was, as promised, quite brief, though Alex was more than a little frustrated by how long it took everyone in attendance to file out of the aisles. “Fuck this weather. Our wedding had better be indoors,” Alex whispered, though not quite quietly enough if the glare from the woman waiting behind them was any indication. It wasn’t until they got back to their car and had the heater on that Alex cheered considerably.

“So all it takes to make you happy are seat warmers?” Maggie teased, even as she turned up the heat a little more and pointed the vents toward Alex.

“You knew what you were getting into when you started dating a California girl.”

“I believe I was promised something about ‘unforgettable,’ if a certain pop star had it right…”

“I think last night was pretty unforgettable,” Alex purred as her fingers made their way to Maggie’s upper thighs. There was something rather romantic about the rustic cabin Maggie had rented for them for the weekend, and the night before, Maggie had gone all out, lighting candles and lining them around the bubble bath she had prepared for them to share. With the lights out and the last fading rays of sunlight reflecting in through the large windows, Alex had felt all the stress of the week seeping away as she relaxed into Maggie’s chest, letting Maggie’s hands and the hot water envelop her.

Of course, after nearly half an hour of relaxing, with the water beginning to cool, they both grew restless. Tender caresses turned needy, and gentle kisses turned into heady embraces as they pulled themselves out of the bath. While Maggie took care of blowing out all of the candles, Alex “got the room ready,” which actually meant pulling on silky black lingerie that had remained folded in her drawer since her Valentine’s Day dance that never was. And from there, they had let the night and the mood take them, as they held each other close, hands and tongues mapping the curves of each other’s bodies until they fell asleep, legs still tangled together.

Maggie gently pushed Alex’s fingers back to the center console. “Not now, I don’t want to crash this car.” Seeing the pout on Alex’s face, she assured her, “I’m already all distracted thinking about last night now; I don’t need something else to focus on instead of the road.”

“Fine,” Alex sighed. “I’m just saying…maybe we don’t need to go to the reception. We could be sick.”

“What? With a relapse of the black lung?” Maggie teased.

“It’s been known to happen. More common than you might expect.”

“Mm, is that so? I promise I’ll make today seem totally worth your while tonight.”

“If you say so,” Alex finally relented, though, truth be told, she was looking forward to the reception—and not just because it would be indoors. It had been many years since she’d been to a wedding, and she suspected that being at one with a date she actually liked might make a huge difference.

---

“So, at our wedding, there’ll be better vegetarian options,” Maggie whispered, adding to what had become a rather extensive list of notes about their coming wedding as they made their way through the ceremony and reception.

“You mean you don’t love your…mushrooms?” Alex teased, popping the last bite of steak into her mouth.

“It’s not fair! You get a vegetarian option, and they assume that not only are you going to love mushrooms, but also that you want a freakin salad as your side. You get steak and mashed potatoes and broccoli! I’d be more satisfied with just the potatoes and vegetable,” Maggie huffed.

“I know, I know. I promise we’ll get whatever pasta dish your heart desires for our reception.”

“Now…for the cake,” Maggie began, grinning at Alex as the reality of the situation hit her—this beautiful, brilliant woman was really going to be her wife in a few months’ time.

“What about the cake? Please, don’t say vegan frosting. I don’t want to gag on my own wedding cake.”

“So I guess you want to skip the ritual of shoving it into each other’s faces as well?”

“Uh, yeah. No thank you to all of that,” Alex chuckled.

“And the garter? You don’t want me on my knees in front of everyone?”

Blushing a brilliant shade of scarlet, Alex shook her head. “Not in front of my mother!”

Laughing, Maggie raised her hands in mock surrender. “Fine, fine! We’ll save that for the wedding night. Now, what traditions do you want to keep?”

“I still want to do the something old, new, borrowed, and blue thing. And I like the toasts from the best man and maid of honor, though we can probably forgo the whole gendered thing there.”

“Now, uh, what about the whole…parents walking you down the aisle thing?” Maggie asked, trying not to dwell on the fact that her own father would never do it for her, would never even admit that what she and Alex were doing was a wedding in the first place. Of course, she thought the whole idea of “giving the bride away” was antiquated and far too patriarchal for her tastes, but having the option would have been nice.

“Hey, no, Maggie, no. I wouldn’t—no, neither of us will, okay?” Alex held Maggie’s gaze as she pulled her fiancée’s hands into her own and held them close, her thumbs stroking gentle patterns across Maggie’s palms.

“I mean, I can always wait for you at the altar. Really, it would be fine.”

“It’s not like my dad’s around…god knows where he is or who he’s working for these days,” Alex mumbled, trying not to dwell on the sad.

“I just figured, you know, maybe you’d want to ask J’onn,” Maggie shrugged.

Unable to resist any longer, Alex leaned over and, cupping her hands around Maggie’s jaw, kissed her soundly.

“What’s that for?” Maggie asked, looking pleased but also a bit confused.

“Because…” Alex paused, trying to find the right words to tell Maggie that it meant the world to her to know that Maggie already knew what J’onn meant to her, was already thinking about ways to incorporate her slightly less than traditional family into a wedding, even when her own family wouldn’t be there. “Because you’re just perfect, okay?”

“Ah, well, I can’t argue with that logic,” Maggie shrugged with a lopsided grin, pulling Alex back in for another kiss.

“But, um, I actually wanted to talk to you. About J’onn—his role, I mean.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, um, I wondered—and you can say no, of course! This is your wedding too—but I wondered what you thought about maybe having him officiate?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. He’s been so supportive—and not just of you, but of me too. Plus, I can’t think of anyone better to get all of our friends to be quiet and behave through the whole ceremony.”

“That’s very true,” Alex agreed with a slightly watery chuckle. “Happy tears,” she added, preempting Maggie’s next question. “God, I’m totally gonna cry at our wedding, aren’t I?”

“Someone has to,” Maggie teased. “Better you than me.”

“Shut up. You’re the worst.”

“Nope. Not buying it, Danvers. Just a minute ago you told me I was perfect.”

“I’ve changed my mind,” Alex huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

“I bet I can think of a hundred ways to changing it back again,” Maggie purred, pulling one of her hands out from Alex’s and letting her fingers creep up Alex’s thigh, feeling more than hearing the way that Alex’s breath seemed to catch in the back of her throat.

The sound of glasses clinking pulled their attention back to the room, though, and Alex, realizing their surroundings, quickly pushed Maggie’s hand away.

“Alright, ladies,” one of the bridesmaids announced into the microphone, “it’s time for our favorite tradition!”

“What’s that?” Alex whispered, only to have her question answered a moment later.

“Gather round, and be the first to catch that bouquet!”

“Ah,” Alex sighed in understanding. “I think we probably don’t need a bouquet to tell us that we’re getting married soon, huh?”

“Nah, I feel pretty secure.” Smiling at Alex, Maggie leaned in and softly kissed her on the cheek, pulling her arm around Alex’s shoulders as they watched a whole group of women shuffle onto the dance floor right in front of the bride, who had her back turned to them and a bouquet clutched in her hands.

“Ready?” Tasha yelled over her shoulder. Loud whoops and hollers rang out to meet her. With a grin, Tasha flung the bouquet over her head, turning around just in time to watch it sail over the heads of all of the waiting would-be catchers, landing smack on the table in front of Maggie and Alex, smushing the last bites of Maggie’s long abandoned mushroom platter.

Cackling, Maggie held up the slightly soggy bouquet, being sure to hold it away from her outfit, and kissed Alex soundly, eliciting a loud chorus of cheers from around the room. When she finally pulled back, unable to stop from laughing any longer, Maggie explained: “I should have mentioned: Tasha and I played softball together back in the day. She was the best damn pitcher our team ever had.”

---

“Alex Danvers, may I have this dance?” Maggie asked with a low bow as she held her hand out to Alex.

“Why, I think you may,” Alex replied, biting back giggles as Maggie made a show of guiding her to the dance floor. There may or may not have been several flutes of champagne involved in getting them to this point, and with how little she’d eaten for dinner, Maggie had felt it going straight to her head almost immediately. Alex hadn’t quite caught up, but she’d allowed herself to be swept into the fun right alongside her fiancée.

As “The Way You Look Tonight,” played over the speakers set up around the room, Maggie guided Alex out onto the dance floor, immediately moving into position to take the lead.

“Excuse me, why do you get to lead?” Alex objected, even as she moved her arms to meet Maggie’s.

“Because I know how to lead.”

“And you just assume I don’t?”

“Do you?”

“No…”

“Then it’s settled. C’mon, follow my lead, just like in the bedroom,” Maggie teased.

“Rude! That was only a thing those first few times,” Alex huffed back, a light pink flush creeping across her chest.

“It was sweet, though,” Maggie added, her lips curling up into a small smile as she began moving them across the floor, not caring if they stumbled slightly in their heels on the slick floor or whether their steps perfectly matched the rhythm of the song. They could practice for their own wedding, but tonight, Maggie thought, as she spun Alex back into her and dipped her for a romantic kiss, tonight could just be about being together.

#sanvers #fluff #wedding #alex x maggie #alex danvers #maggie sawyer #supergirl #fanfic #prompt fill #ao3feed

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the-cryptographer · 8 years ago

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on fathers and sons - an index of YGO abuse narratives

When discussing Noa’s arc, it seems like people place a lot of emphasis on this moment and declaration from Seto:

It’s a very stark and strong moment - Seto’s rejection of Gouzaburou, and I think it’s right to take this into account. But I think maybe we should be putting just as much, if not more weight, in the sequences in Noa’s arc following this. Particularly in the structure of Seto and Noa’s duel:

Make no mistake. This is a duel set up to run on Gouzaburou’s terms. Seto and Noa are fighting in the understanding that there’s only one living body between them, and the winner will have proven themselves superior and the rightful heir to Kaiba Corp. They are fighting for the right to Gouzaburou’s legacy, and the loser will be left behind in VR. To Lose is to Die.

Continued under the cut:

Noa believes he has the upper hand, both because he was born and bred for this job. And because he outstripped the boundaries of humanity when his mental capacities were enhanced living in VR.

Seto is not impressed with this line of reasoning.

Not only did Seto put in the hard work and struggle to inherit Kaiba Corp. Noa’s already dead. He’s already lost once by Gouzaburou’s terms. Seto accepts the challenge to duel in the understanding that Noa was the loser once, and a loser once is a loser always.

...Both ultimately betray Gouzaburou’s teachings during this duel - Noa by cheating, and Seto by both admitting there are things more important than his own life on the line here in deciding to save Mokuba, and in Atem helping him finish the duel after he’s petrified. (Notably the BC final duel also subverts Seto’s expectations for loss, in Atem’s ability to find a method to save Malik’s life in their shadow game.)

But before that moment of truth, you’ve certainly got a lot of trash talk, some of which seems to betray certain line of reasoning from Seto.

[Insert long speech about the value of humans having to struggle against the chaos of the real world versus this VR of Noa’s creation.]

“Of course Gouzaburou loved me more! Gouzaburou must have been confused if he even considered that you might bet the better or superior compared to me! How pathetic of either of you to even doubt! He acknowledged me as superior - and the result of duel is going to prove him right!”

Okay, I’m being hyperbolic but, contrary to what you’d believe from the first set of caps, I think what Seto says here, combined with the circumstances surrounding this duel, betray a certain amount of Seto deeply desiring recognition and acknowledgement from Gouzaburou. Or at least recognition and acknowledgement for having the qualities that Gouzaburou would have valued.

I’ve seen people pan the direction of this arc, and Noa as a villain, specifically on this basis. Seto should, in theory, not care about what Gouzaburou thought, and thus not care about stomping out Noa’s desire to prove himself the worthy son. Gouzaburou was his abuser, no real parent to Seto, and therefore Seto should not care. And, make no mistake, I think Seto’s hatred for his stepfather is clearly documented.

But I’m going to defend how Noa’s arc frames this conflict and Noa as a villain, and the idea that Seto may have feelings regarding Gouzaburou that are rooted in a desire for acknowledgement and affection. There is very little of Gouzaburou in manga canon, nothing that would generally suggest Seto having any conflicting fond feelings for him - although I think the fact that Seto continues to make decisions to build and destroy duel towers in the memory of Gouzaburou might be indicative of the fact that he cares a little too much.

But the reason I think this is a particularly good extrapolation from manga canon, is that it matches the themes we see in REPEATEDLY in the narratives of abuse that ygo offers to us.

I’m sure you’re aware that the surplus of absentee and abusive dads in DM, it’s… a bit of a joke. Even for characters for which you can assume a somewhat normal family life, such as Anzu and Honda, there’s a kind of sense in the story of a lack of presence from their parents. Which I would expect in a manga filled to the brim with ~adventure~ How are the characters gonna pile onto ships and blimps and go traipsing off to Egypt if their parents are always bugging them about school?

Well, I guess Yuugi has somehow managed to make it onto ships and blimps even with his mom bugging him about school…

There are multiple layers to this – The fact that absentee dads have become a norm in Japan given the increasing demands of corporate life. The fact that in a measure of personal experience a dead parent is much the same as an absent one – but dead parents make for better narrative drama. The fact that we never see Atem and his father together and are instead relayed an inherently biased posthumous recollection of their relationship. And the fact that there’s a kind of woefully imbalanced attribution of certain roles onto certain demographics of character. On that last point – I think it’s telling that, as a whole, it’s elder male children that are victimised in Takahashi’s narratives of family. It’s telling that mothers have an even smaller presence in Yu-Gi-Oh than fathers (and that when Yuugi’s mom hits him with a ladle up there, it’s framed as a joke). And it’s telling that father-daughter relationships are also very poorly defined. I’m going to give Shizuka a pass given the discrepancy in hers and Katsuya’s living situations, but I think it’s a pretty huge oversight that Isis’s relationship with her father is as unexplored as it is. (If I’m being brutally honest, I don’t think Takahashi empathises enough with his female characters to understand how they might, also, be deeply unhinged or affected by trauma.)

But, although I can critique the way Takahashi repeatedly approaches this same narrative – the narrative of a young man at odds with a cruel, violent, and single-minded father – I can’t help but love it, as I am perpetually surprised and enamoured with the amount of understanding, empathy, and realism Takahashi allows to his victims. This cuts in a lot of different ways, but there is one aspect that I particularly appreciate:

He not only understands that it’s normal for abused children to be angry and vengeful, but that it’s also normal for them to care about their parents regardless and to desire reconciliation with them, no matter how unlikely or misguided. And they are not shamed for it.

Jounouchi ended up being the prototype for this character in ygo canon, although these threads were dropped by the time the card game started. We see the gang caught of guard by an attack meant for Jounouchi.

And Honda confirms this behaviour is typical of Jounouchi’s dad.

But when we see Jounouchi’s attitude towards his dad, it’s warm and full of forgiveness. He enters a game show with the intention of winning money to pay off his father’s debts-

-specifically on the hopes that, by winning, he’ll be able to repair their relationship, and live together happily.

Gouzaburou was introduced next into the narrative, but Otogi and his father followed not far after.

Otogi’s father, Mr Clown, hits and berates him.

But, even so, Otogi continues to seek revenge on his father’s behalf.

And, beyond that, he’s very mild and apologetic.

Even when he’s pushing back against his dad, he’s apologising. This is framed as a harsh moment of rebellion - one that shocks Mr Clown - but all Otogi does is disobey his father’s request, and snatch the puzzle’s chain from his hand. And he’s still apologising while doing so. I think it goes to show how uncharacteristic it is for Otogi to express any harshness towards his father.

And, even when Mr Clown renounces Otogi as his son-

We see Otogi afterwards (on Jounouchi’s urging) hurry to cradle his father in his arms and and lead him to safety, and away from the fire that’s started in the Black Clown game shop.

But maybe the most persuasive show of Otogi’s desire to reconcile with his dad, is that he succeeds. They seem to be on good terms in Darkside of Dimensions, have opened a new business at the shopping plaza together.

I think Malik embodies this pattern most completely though. His abuse is portrayed with imagery more gruesome than the other characters on this list. His father’s whip, and the scars that were carved onto his back.

I’ve seen people operate under the impression his beef with the Pharaoh has to do with being confined to life underground, or having his back mutilated as part of the tombkeeper ritual, or for twisting his father’s personality into something terrible. I’m not going to say that those could not also be factors in Malik’s motivations. But the primary motivation for his behaviour in BC, is textually that he believes the Pharaoh’s spirit is responsible for killing the father that he loved. And being unable to accept the fact that the father he loved was also the father he hated enough to kill himself.

(Also, wow, panels that make much more sense after DSoD. If Bakura was surprised because Shada reappeared despite having been killed 3000 years ago, why was he not surprised to see modern incarnations of Isis and Set. Except in addition to killing Shada, he also killed Shadi ~5 years ago. Now his surprise makes sense.)

But, yeah, this vein is carried through to the end of Malik’s story arc. He’s not able to forgive himself for killing his father, no matter how abusive or terrible, he’s only able to decide, with encouragement from Rishid, that it’s preferable to keep on living.

Anyhow, insofar as Seto goes, as I’ve said, there’s scant evidence to draw from regarding his feelings about Gouzaburou. But I think it’s prudent to consider, as with the rest of these characters, his feelings are probably not limited to disdain. According to Takahashi’s commentary, Seto does consider Gouzaburou a father and is has been deeply haunted by his involvement in Gouzaburou’s downfall and death. Taking it a step further, it’s entirely likely that, he feels some form of fondness for his lost parent. No matter how misguided and futile such feelings would be.

#Kaiba Seto #Kaiba Noa #Jounouchi Katsuya #Otogi Ryuuji #Malik Ishtar #Kaiba Gouzaburou #Hank Ishtar #why is my tag for malik's dad 'hank ishtar' it's undermining how overly gd serious this post is #meta #DeLurk words the meta #save me from this card game hell #cw: abuse #i pulled these caps from here and there and everywhere #the Otogi ones I took pictures of myself which is why they're so bad #but thanks again @nenya for getting me the ones for the YBakura & YMalik duel and of Seto in front of the duel tower #i'm so sick of this post. i refuse to look at it any longer.#*sends out for other ppl to look at instead*

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eponymous-rose · 8 years ago

Note

okay okay okay new list: top ten favorite critical role eps. IN ORDER

This is difficult, holy cow! I thought about defying this post and making a list of my ten least favorite eps, but was tragically unable to come up with ten episodes I disliked so, uh. Probably should’ve seen that coming. Okay, you win, here goes nothing, I’m definitely missing a bunch, this list changes on any give day, etc. etc. etc.

10. Episode 31: Gunpowder Plot. Every now and then, despite its huge cast, the show gets to highlight one-on-one interactions between Matt and a player. Scanlan spends the better part of an hour alone, a single gnome bard trying to navigate an ambush in an enemy stronghold. The process involves turning into a triceratops, defeating a dozen guards, breathing fire, and shoving a goliath off a flaming rooftop in the rain. That sequence is legendary for a reason.

9. Episode 25: Crimson Diplomacy. Mainly the first half, although Kit Buss is wonderful as Lilith and gets more screen time in the latter half. I think this episode kind of jump-started the more serious RPing on the show (which isn’t to say there weren’t great moments earlier!)--for the first time, it felt like it wasn’t so much the players worrying about losing a character as it was the other characters worrying about losing a friend. Vax completely failing to talk his way out of the Briarwoods’ chambers, “Jenga!”, Vex storming in with double natural twenties, “Sylas!” Matt did a phenomenal job juggling the tension in order to make this encounter feel like a difficult situation that was still winnable.

8. Episode 69: Passed Through Fire. I remember seeing a post from somebody who happened upon this episode on Twitch without having seen any of the rest of the show, and they said they were blown away by the emotional extremes in this episode alone. Pretty much everyone was crying, and then pretty much everyone was crying with laughter. There’s also the wonderful letter from Kerrek, VM doing shots, and the start of several RP threads that unravel over the course of the next few episodes. Also, the cliffhanger at the end of this one jumpstarts the endgame in a big way.

7. Episode 57: Duskmeadow. This was a really unexpected episode watching live, because the entire cast had been out doing interviews about CR all day and then came straight from that to this, so it’s a wonder anyone was coherent. And yet, true to form, we get Matt playing a dozen different recurring characters expertly, we get the long-awaited confrontation between Vax and the Raven Queen, we get a bunch of other wonderful character beats, and we get one of the most genuinely startling cliffhangers in the show, with a callback that stretches 36 episodes.

6. Episode 49: A Name Is Earned. The first half is a really archetypal low-risk fight for this show in that it showcases each of the characters’ strengths and weaknesses, often in hilarious ways--Keyleth accidentally disarming a trap, Percy attempting to hit someone with a lance and finally giving up and just shooting him, Vax stealthing by sinking into the snow up to the tips of his ears, Vex sending Trinket barrelling out as a cannonball. It’s a good time. And the sphinx’s puzzle is wonderfully fun and just complicated enough to keep everyone guessing--on rewatching, it’s great to see how Matt manages to drop hints without being too obvious about it. And, of course, the utterly heartbreaking moment where the whole Craven Edge arc comes to a head with Grog accidentally hurting Pike... oh man. So good.

5. Episode 63: The Echo Tree. The climax of the Feywild arc wound up being the payoff for a lot of character beats for Vex, and I’m not sure there’s been a villain who so easily and immediately got to the root of a character’s insecurities. Matt having this baddie incorporate the details of a short story that Laura wrote about Vex was vicious. It’s also so impressive that he was able to create a character who immediately brought up all of Vex’s insecurities and worries about putting her friends in danger, about being cruel and unwanted and never belonging, and there’s still that horrible guilt when she finally does fire on him. The sequence between Vex and Sondur is phenomenal.

4. Episodes 43/44: Return to Vasselheim/The Sunken Tomb. I’m counting this one as a two-parter because it features the same guest stars and makes up a pretty coherent little standalone. Absolute goofiness with amazingly funny little interpersonal moments between party members, guests, and NPCs; I’m a big fan of any time we get to see VM from an outsider’s perspective, and Zahra and Kash’s perspective is just the right mix of fond and sardonic. We get an oddly sweet after-school-special Grog moment, we get a beholder fight... and then we get everything going just unfathomably wrong in the last thirty minutes, completely out of nowhere. Half the party’s character arcs shifted permanently because of one failed saving throw.

3. Episode 89: Curious Tides. There aren’t a lot of recent episodes on this list, just because I generally only get to watch ‘em live and so they kind of all blur together and it becomes tough to remember specific episodes. But this one stood out. Any episode that can balance the extreme of a ritual that involves promising one god you’ll dedicate your life to killing another with the extreme of a well-meaning robot sketching the entire party while they’re sleeping? It’s a good time. Intense foreshadowing of some of the plot to come alongside hilarious (and wonderfully soothing) downtime shenanigans.

2. Episode 40: Desperate Measures. The completely world-shattering shift in the previous episode was startling enough, but it’s a testament to the RPing chops of the players and DM that they took the time to carefully play out the consequences of that change. What do you do when all the major population centers are being destroyed and any attempts to fight back are squashed? How far are you willing to go for a slim chance to instantly reverse what was done? Everyone in this episode is hurting and confused and frightened, and that comes across so well in the ways they lash out at each other. Despite the absolute crushing bleakness of the situation, this episode lays the groundwork for the emotional and plot-related beats of the next fifty episodes in the form of a tattered, piecemeal sort of hope.

1. Episode 52: The Kill Box. It’s one big battle, it should by rights drag out, but it’s so good. Every single member of the cast is so invested (Travis: “I can feel my heartbeat in my face...”), and it isn’t often that the party manages to catch Matt off-guard in a combat situation, but in this episode they just keep managing to surprise him again and again and again. And even their clever strategizing wouldn’t have been enough to save the entire party from the very real threat of a wipe once things start going sideways, if it weren’t for an absurd series of natural twenties to save the day. There have been a lot of mega-epic battles on this show since then, but none have hit this absolutely unreal combination of strategy and luck. This is the game-y part of the show at its absolute best.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #long text post #Anonymous

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thatcrochetfairy · 7 years ago

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Nevermore - Chapter 4

Master List

“Wake up sleepy head.” Jefferson gently shook the entrancing beauty sleeping soundly in his spare bed. “Time to introduce you to the modern world.” He smiled down to her as her dark blue eyes fluttered open with a soft sugary smile as she looked on the face of her kind host. But as the words registered the smile faded, shaking her head as she clutched the pendant around her neck. How could she be around people? People talk, people fear her, what she is. “Aww come on, there’s a Halloween party at Granny’s. I promise you’ll have fun.” She shook her head again, sinking herself deeper into the sheets, fear taking hold in her eyes. With a sigh he bent down to her level as she laid smoothing a hand over the side of her face to comfort her. “Hey...it’s alright. You don’t have to go. I won’t make you.” He paused watching the smile return to her lips brushing the dark strands from her face. “So what would you like to do instead?”

Thinking for a moment she sat up mimicking the act of shooting an arrow. “Hunting?” He asked with a chuckle nodding. He should have figured...you can take the girl from the wild but you can’t always take the wild from the girl. “Okay. While you do that I’m going to stop in town and see if I can find a way to help you.” As he spoke she looked up to him with questioning eyes. Even for a kind father there was no reason for him to help her. She didn’t understand. He explained to her about the book and how it held all the stories from their land, watching her eyes fill with hope and wonder. Could it be true? Could people really learn the horrible story of how all this came to be? Smiling brightly she flung her arms around him, hugging him grateful for the chance to finally be understood. His heart beat frantically as his nose filled with the scent of her hair, his skin feeling how soft hers was.

********

Jefferson stood in Rumple’s castle eyes wide with disbelief at the mad request he had been given. “I’m sorry. You want me to steal what? From who?” His hand came to rest on the hip of his leather pants as he waited for confirmation.

“It’s just a ball Dearie. I was told that you were the best in the land.” Rumple gave a twisted grin as he baited the thief before him.

“I mean, the slippers from Oz, no problem. But to steal from the Thulen Druids is insane. No one goes near them for good reason.”

“Yes yes I know the rumors.” Rumple waved a dismissive hand. “Wild people drawing magic from nature and the turn of the year. Magic with no cost… If you can commit to the lifestyle. Part of which is an annual celebration of the turning of the year. Hunting, dancing, ritual sacrifice.” He turned with a grin. “Good times for all! They won’t even notice you.. And of course you’ll be well compensated.”

Jefferson crossed his arms as his eyes narrowed, contemplating the dangers of the presented offer before giving a slight nod. “Fine.”

********

“Hey Henry.” Jefferson smiled down to the boy as he sat picking at a basket of fries. “Have you seen any mention of a girl named Lenore in your book?” He asked hopeful as he sat himself across the table.

“Umm, not that I can think of.” He dropped the fry he had been munching on, turning to pull out the book. Jefferson watched, scanning the pictures as Henry flipped through the pages, each of them looking for Jefferson’s mystery girl. “So the Raven Witch has a name?” He joked as they both looked. “How did you even get that?”

“I’m pretty disappointed in you kid. Of all people you should know not to judge someone based off a rumor.” He scolded, watching his face sink as he realized he was now disappointed in himself. But as the pages flipped he saw no sign of the name nor image of the girl.

“Sorry Jefferson, but she’s not in here.”

“So what does that mean?” He asked as his brow furrowed, the mystery of Lenore growing deeper.

“It means that She’s not from the Enchanted Forest. There are more books for other lands at the library. Maybe have Belle take a look?” Jefferson nodded, leaving just as quickly as he came.

********

Lenore’s heart pounded against her chest as she drew back her arrow, letting out a smooth exhale before releasing it. The wind whistled as the arrow missed the dear. Her face twisted with frustration as she hit the closest tree to her, the jagged bark leaving bloody scrapes on her knuckles. Her jaw clenched, teeth holding her lower lip in as she held a scream of pain inside, having become very well practiced over the past few months at keeping in her sounds.

“Hey, it’s alright. No one gets the stag on their first try.” Birog consoled her as she placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as the other glowed with a circle of symbols, closing the wounds. “Don’t want anything smelling that.” The two shared friendly smile as she felt the cool magic soothing the sting, new skin forming over the cuts. “Tonight after the fire burns down come to my hut. It is time to teach you something new.” Lenore beamed with excitement at the prospect of learning a new task, thirsting for all the knowledge the Druids had to offer her, thankful for all she has learned already. “Now let’s go get that stag.” She smiled before they both dashed off to bring down the beast.

********

Filled with a new vigor Lenore sprinted through the woods, one with the forest once more, as she used to be. Black feathers in her hair caught the wind bringing her hair to dance in the breeze. She drew in a breath, listening to the caws of her brothers flying overhead as she drew the arrow. It whistled through the air before embedding itself into a buck. She stood tall and proud as she pulled her bone made dagger digging into the deer’s flesh, separating ribs from meat, digging to the heart of the beast. Cutting it loose she held it up in the air, silently thanking the gods of nature as the blood pumped from the organ, spilling over her before digging it into the ground. Dagger and bow hanging at her side she proudly drug her kill back to the yard.

The front door opened quietly as Lenore hacked at the carcass, breaking it down into more workable pieces, sectioning them off into piles of what will be used tonight and what needs to be saved for later. Noting the time he could feel the excitement well in him knowing his daughter would be home soon, peering out the window to see the bloody mess of animal parts all color left his face as his jaw dropped, watching Lenore, blood covering her hair and staining her once porcelain skin he for the first time saw just why everyone seemed to fear her. She looked feral with each hack to the fallen beast, watching the cruel blade slicing through the muscles, hearing the crack of bones splintering beneath her force. Feeling eyes on her Lenore looked up, her heart heavy as she watched Jefferson’s face harden to her. She could taste the blood as she bit her lower lip nervously, her eyes lowering as her heart sank seeing the stern look everyone else gave her. Maybe he wasn’t so different after all. But she was losing light and a fire needed to be built. She didn’t have time to try to explain to him. He didn’t need it anyway...he’s seen this before.

********

As the sun set over Thule Jefferson made his way into the hidden village, not so hidden as they focused their attention on this ritual celebration. On the far side of all the huts he could hear the beating of drums, strumming of guitars and the hoots and hollers over singing of the heathanistic Druids as they danced around the flames. Curious as he ever was he moved silently, peering around a building to watch as the blood soaked figures twisted and turned in near unnatural movements. Off to the side huge chunks of meat hung from trees still dripping with blood as a select few prepared the parts for cooking or preservation. The Dark One was right, it looked like the whole community was there around the fire. Noticing a pair of midnight eyes lined in stag blood digging into him he quickly retreated behind the wall. His heart stopped as he held his breath, fearful of what they would do to him once she drew attention to his whereabouts. But not a breath of a word parted her lips.

Breathing a sigh of relief he ran through the huts on a hunt of his own until the crystal sphere was in his grasp. Not even taking the time to admire the treasure he had procured he ran as fast and as light as his feet would take him until the door that took him to this world was behind him and on to Oz he ventured for the slippers.

********

The full moon was just beginning to rise as Jefferson and Grace watch the silent girl perform a silent dance around a crackling fire. Twisting and bending in a way all too familiar to him. Jefferson’s arms were folded against his chest, frowning as his eyes darted from the girl down to his own daughter, fascinated by what she sees before her. He was beginning to have a pretty good understanding of just who has been residing in his home.

“What is she doing Papa?” She asked with a sense of wonderment in her eyes.

“Marking the turn of the year. It’s important to her people.” He answered in a flat tone, eyes hard as stone as he looked upon her, now understanding how he got away that night. He wasn’t shown mercy, he took advantage of a girl who couldn’t speak. And he’s heard what comes next. He wasn’t sure which thought made him more sick to his stomach. “Maybe you should go do your homework.”

“Oh Papa can I go dance too? Please?” Jefferson’s eyes widened at the request, looking down to his daughter with shock.

“To what?” He looked back up watching her move in the flickering light. “There isn’t even any music.”

Grace’s eyes narrowed as she looked up to her father. “Why are you being so mean to her? You said she wasn’t in the book, that means she’s not from our world. Think how alone she must be feeling now.” She scolded before letting herself out the backdoor to do as she pleased. All he could do was watch, knowing there was little he could do to stop her. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting” Lenore shook her head with a smile as she paused to communicate with her young friend. “I was just wondering, how do you dance with no music?” Lenore smiled, patting the girl’s hair before bringing fingers up to her ears then to her forehead conveying to her that the music was in her mind. Jefferson watched as Lenore showed her how to move to the dance, reminding himself that as much as he hated to admit it, she was getting old enough to chose her own paths.

As the dance came to a close Lenore pressed a kiss to the girl’s forehead as thanks for joining her in the dance...it was much more fun than doing it by herself. She so wished that she could sing the praises of nature for her...perhaps once the curse has been lifted. He breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her point Grace in the direction of the house, sending her in. She wouldn’t feel right teaching her much more of her people’s ways without her father giving permission.

“Okay now it’s time to get to that homework.” He reminded Grace as she came back into the house, reluctantly she agreed. After watching her retreat to her room Jefferson made his way out to her. “You’re a Druid, aren’t you?” She tilted her head from side to side, not exactly sure how to answer, on the one hand yes...but on the other, she never did learn all she needed to, there was much training she was unable to attain. “No, no. Don’t try playing the innocent can’t talk act with me right now. I’ve been to many lands in my time. Seen many ways many people honor the passing of the year and nothing comes close to that dance.” She just stood there, waiting for the backlash of following a life most deemed wrong, though she never understood why. The Druid way made more sense to her than normal civilization ever had. “And I know what comes next...Thank you for sending her in. She doesn’t need to see something like that.” Lenore simply tilted her head in confusion. “The sacrifice...I assume it is some sort of animal.” Lenore shook her head holding back a chuckle before pulling one feather out of her cloak, mentally saying a Druidic prayer over it, blessing it as a gift given to sacrifice back to the Raven Goddess before tossing it into the fire. His eyes grew wide, as he watched the sacrifice, feeling pretty disappointed in himself for being such a hypocrite. “You worship nature...why would you needlessly destroy it.” He looked up to her, midnight eyes digging into him just as they did long ago as he realized that he’s been pretty prejudiced.

His eyes softened, lowering with regret for his thoughts and actions as of late. “I’m sorry.” He glanced up to her all the sorrow for his actions past and present riding in the creases of his brow. “I…” He exhaled, not sure how to say what he knew he needed to. But if anyone knew the importance of words unspoken it was her. She didn’t need to hear what he had to say, she understood just fine. Her lips parted, the white of her teeth an eerie contrast to the blood stained skin sending excited shivers down his spine. Now he understood why he was never able to get her off his mind, even covered in blood under the full moon he still saw the gorgeous woman underneath, the woman who cared for three ravens like a mother, who showed Grace nothing but kindness...the woman who was stealing his heart. But after all of this, after showing her such malice for the ways that she obviously held dear did he really deserve hers?

“They couldn’t find your story...But there’s more books at the library. Would you be willing to go with me?” She stood there contemplating the idea as she wiped the drying blood from her face, in the end nodding, the idea of having something fresh to read too tempting for her to pass up.

If you enjoy my writing please support me on patreon.

#nevermore #ouat #once upon a time #jefferson #jefferson x oc #mad hatter #mad hatter x oc

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thechampagnecircus · 3 years ago

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My Frenemy the Dentist

The dentist. The dreaded place feared by adults and kids alike. I have always felt somewhat bad for dentists. They are up there with the IRS and DMV, people avoiding them like the plague. If it weren't for all the money they were able to charge, I’d truly lament for them. But after a Periodontitis diagnosis eight years ago the dental office has become a frequented place for me. If you are lucky enough to not know what that is, I will give you a quick download. Periodontitis is advanced gum disease. We have all heard of Gingivitis from toothpaste and mouthwash ads. Used to invoke fear in us as kids to not miss a night’s brushing. This is basically that left untreated. It is unclear as to its main cause, but a mix of lifestyle choices, genetics, and abstaining from regular dental visits seem to be part of the recipe.

At this point, when it comes to dental procedures, you name it, I have had it. Root canals are child’s play. I have had deep scaling treatments, bone grafts, crowns, laser therapy, all the things. I feel blessed to get the care that I need and I have come to peace with the fact this is something I will battle for the rest of my days. Periodontal Disease is incurable but maintainable. It is given me a soap box to preach to all my little nieces and nephews. Make sure to floss, or you’ll end up like Auntie Carly. Having said all that, I still get nervous going in for even routine appointments.

About four or five years ago, due to my gum recession, my hygiene appointments started becoming painful. The normal anxiety and discomfort had evolved into a bigger beast than I could handle. They had to freeze all the areas in order to clean them properly. Therefore we broke it up into two appointments. My anxiety got so high and tense that it was hard for the freezing to take. Even Novocaine couldn't get through the stiffness my anxiety caused. The bottom left section of my mouth was the worst and lots of trial and error took place. Enough was enough and I decided to look into sedation dentistry. I spoke to my hygienist and dentist and we all agreed I was a good candidate. Like all things, I was scared to take medication and didn’t know what to expect. Nothing could be worse than my current situation so I gave in and never looked back.

It is now 2021, a normal Sunday night and I review my calendar and to-do list for the week. There it is, glaring at me. A dental appointment on Wednesday. Has it really been 4 months? As I think this to myself, a tingling of anxiety sets into my stomach, churning its contents like a washing machine mid cycle. Within a moment or two, along comes a deep breath of acceptance and I continue on with my night. Before I know it, it is Tuesday afternoon and I get the confirmation call from the office. There is no postponing it now. I have been there countless times and it’s only a cleaning. Relax. As I fall asleep that evening, I will myself into dreamy compliance.

My eyes open gently, the thickness of our blinds shrouds me in darkness although the sun has been up for hours. I flick my wrist over to see my watch which reads 8:30 am. I’ve slept through the night, without waking up to go pee; a small miracle. I’m over 30, it’s just the new normal. Having somehow had a great night sleep I feel rested and bright until I remember it’s a dental day. I sit up in bed, opening my eyes wider and giving them a little rub. Everyone else is already up and at em’, the kids at work, and the dog downstairs with my husband who’s working at his desk.

I get up, open the blinds and absorb the light. The sun pours into the room like water gushing from a freshly broken dam. I walk into our master bathroom, its marble tiles cold on my feet. My hair is a tangled mess of crumpled curls, half of which managed to stay in a matted bun. I attempt to swallow my nervousness and begin my normal morning ritual. This consists of brushing my teeth, Listerine rinse, followed by washing my face and applying Ponds face cream. It’s the same lotion I have been using since I was a kid. If they ever stop selling it, I’d be in for a rude awakening.

I look at the time and it’s now 9 am. Time to take my pre-dentist sedative. Something to settle the nerves. It sits under my tongue, dissolving into a calming serum that eases my mind. I get dressed; leggings, a tank top covered by a big comfy hoodie. It is leopard print with the BRUNETTE label splayed across my chest. Every girl needs a little flare, even if it is to get her teeth cleaned. I head downstairs, and my husband is all ready to go. I obviously can’t drive myself having taken an Ativan, so we hop in the vehicle and head out.

On the drive there, I slowly start to feel the drugs kicking in. My stomach flips a bit, while my insides melt into velvet. I feel alert yet washed over with serenity. Before I know it, we are pulling into the parking lot, as though we teleported. Aaron starts griping about how busy this parking lot always is. There is an adjacent Lab Services building, along with a few other medical offices, so he is not wrong in his observation. Plus we are tad behind which adds to his agitation. We finally find a parking spot and head upstairs. We are a few minutes late but are greeted with kind sentiments by the receptionist and hygienist. I have had so many things done here, I feel as though I am a regular and they all know my name. Like Cheers, but not nearly as fun. I tell Aaron I love him and will see him later as I follow her into my designated room.

The dental chair is there, taunting me. It tries to promise comfort but I know what it holds. I set my purse on one of the countertops and take off my mask. I sit back in the chair, my leg shaking, the anxiety that is stifled somewhat by the meds coming to the surface. My hygienist and I exchange a few pleasantries, before she tilts the chair back into the final position. She then gives me a pair of the classic dentist sunglasses, watch out Vogue. My face is angled up toward the obligatory hanging television. It is always on HGTV. Perhaps there is something subconsciously soothing about quirky couples renovating people’s homes. I don’t really get it. But I have downloaded some media onto my phone and plan to listen with my new airpods. This ends up being a mistake as they keep falling out and I end up giving up on them entirely part way through the appointment. My mind starts to think about how many germs it picked up from the dental room floor.

It is now time for the freezing. My least favorite thing in the world. I breathe deeply in and out while carrying out a hand rubbing technique that doesn’t really work, but I do it anyway. After a couple applications of topical ointment, I brace myself as I see the huge needle descending into my mouth. She says “Ok, here we go”. I feel the pressure in the bottom of my cheek, the pain turns to tingles that resonate into one side of my tongue. Ok, one down. I know there are at least 4 more to go so I am not celebrating yet. The second one comes and goes. We then do right between my two upper front teeth. It feels as though the shot is going into my nose, the stinging pressure radiating into my sinus cavity. This is a new spot for the shot and it feels different than usual. Which of course sends my mind into a mild panic. What if my face is frozen forever? What if there is nerve damage? Before I can completely spiral, there is another shot on the other side, then another.The chemical flavor breaks free from my insides and the syringe, hitting the back of my throat like a punch of metallic bitterness. I burst up, my gag reflex on edge. I use the suction that they allow me wield at my own free will, and gather myself. I lay back down, apologizing through mumbled words. My tongue is now totally numb and my lips feel fat and awkward. She says “It’s alright, just one more to go” ONE MORE? I think to myself but before it has time to sink in, it is over. My face is now a detached mess, which in its uncomfortableness is a good thing since I know the cleaning is about to begin.

She first takes measurements of my pockets. The space that can grow between the gum and tooth. This gap can trap bacteria and plaque. With advanced gum disease this is the most important thing to monitor. It is normal to have a small space there but over a certain size is when you get into trouble. A few months ago I underwent a new laser treatment that was intense but hopeful to make a huge impact on said pockets. This was the moment of truth. As she reads out the numbers of each tooth, I hear none higher than four. There are a bunch of zeros and ones and I am thrilled. Once the readings are all done, we get down to business. Ultrasonic scaling, followed by manual scaling. Both of which I can hear happening but can’t feel. The buzz of the water-pick on steroids and the grating of metal against my tooth. To round the visit out, I get treated to a polish and fluoride treatment. She tells me I am all done and that my husband is here to pick me up. It felt like every second lasted forever yet I time travelled.

The fluoride gunk left on my teeth has a horrible aftertaste that no matter how much I try to spit into my little dixie cup I can’t remedy it. Two hours have passed in that chair and I am a grumpy Gus. My head is spinning as I adjust to being upright. I almost forget to put on my mask but she reminds me. It’s probably a blessing since my mouth is floppy and unyielding in its numbness. I am drooling involuntarily like I just got lobotomized. My husband is in the waiting room, masked up but I can see his loving eyes. I’m happy to see him.

I sulk the whole ride home like a child who was forced to leave their friend’s house early. We get home and I migrate up to our room to sleep off the meds and anesthetic. I close the blinds, converting the room back into a den of darkness. I change into some pajamas and snuggle into bed. I’m still bitter, surprisingly restless and hungry. I turn on the television, putting on something mindless to usher me to sleep. A sense of delight starts to slowly seep in as I close my eyes. I will wake up in a couple hours with pearly white teeth, and a sore mouth, but it is over. For a few months I am free.

#personal essay #writing #writing community #thedentist #take care of your teeth #anxiety #anxiety therapy

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