#only took me the better part of a year
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Revelations are made, gifts are given, miscommunication ensues... will these two work it out?
Non-spoilery snippet from the latest update below the cut!
"Welcome to the Remutaka Forest Park," Anton announces, smoothly transitioning into what Viago presumes is his professional voice. A casual smile graces his face as he makes the aside, "I'll be going over some ground rules, so if you could just bear with me for a second, that'd be awesome."
Viago nods wordlessly. He is captivated by this side of Anton that he has not seen before.
“Right,” the other man's timbre deepens again. “You’re gonna be going in there with me, but if you manage to get lost, always remember," he puts up his index finger, "'Chinstrap tight, keep it in sight, back to marked trails, all will be right'!"
The vampire marvels. "Is this a rhyme that you have come up with yourself?"
"Yeah, you like that?" Anton breaks into a satisfied grin, briefly abandoning his formal tone again. "Oh, sorry, just one more thing - if we see any wildlife, remember that we have to be respectful, keep a safe distance, and don't make any loud noises. And please avoid using flashlights or camera flashes, as that can disturb - er,” he wavers. “Well, I mean, I know you won’t do that, you and I don’t need flashlights, but just -” he clears his throat, “Anyway, just respect Mother Nature and stick with me, alright?”
Viago puts a hand to his forehead in a salute. "Aye aye, captain!"
“Alright, no need for that,” the other man chuckles playfully, swatting the air with his hand.
#vianton#viago x anton#fic update#ao3#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#wwdits 2014#viago wwdits#anton the werewolf#viago von dorna schmarten scheden heimburg#romcom#lo and behold a fic update!#only took me the better part of a year#oops#ofmd references#long fic#vampires and werewolves#ofmd parallels#wwdits anton#wwdits viago#mutual pining#enemies to friends to lovers
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okay.
so it's either a very fancy very nerdy little anvil paperweight
OR
little tyelpe had a teeny tiny forge-like dollhouse made for him by feanor, who painstakingly designed every tiny detail and made all toy equipment himself because tyelpe, too young to be in forge, insisted that he absolutely needs to be a smith like his father and grandfather and needs to begin learning now.
and who was feanor to refuse his only grandson who wanted to learn his craft when he only started to walk without bumping into everything? feanor would be elated and would spend hours playing with tyelpe in his little forge. it was before the silmarils when feanor had all the time in the world for his beloved grandson.
the anvil was one of many parts of that dollhouse, one of few that made it to beleriand and the only one that made it through to the second age with celebrimbor.
he could never make himself part with it.
#yeah#nothing better than taking a look at an item appearing for like 1 second and making a heartwrenching headcanon#i love stabbing myself with angst#i headcanon that celebrimbor was very young when they left valinor#not a toddler but maybe an equivalent of 7-8 year old#old enough to understand some things but young enough to be absolutely traumatized#based on that one absolutely amazing fanart of curufin and little tyelpe where he apparently had a nightmare#and curufin says 'no one is coming to take you' and tyelpe responds with 'but they took uncle nelyo'#i saw it some 3-4 years ago and i kid you not it randomly appears in my brain just to haunt me#so he is still a child and was allowed to take some of his toys and obviously his little forge had to come with him#not all of it only some parts because there were more important things to pack#and feanor promised him they would make the missing equipment together once they settled down and were relatively safe#and then he died#and then over the years some of the toys were lost and some were broken#and then celebrimbor was no longer a child and when they had to run he packed food and clothes and weapons not his toys#but this little anvil he would snuck into his pack anyway#and against all odds the anvil made it through the first age unscathed#if there was one thing reminding him of better times it was this#somebody fucking sedate me#brainrot has taken control over my every thought literally#celebrimbor#tyelpe#telperinquar#curufin#feanor#rings of power#beleriand#valinor#first age#silmarillion
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The Warrior of Light and G'raha Tia need a vacation.
#hi hello it only took me the better part of a year to finally unlock Island Sanctuary oops#wolgraha#wolraha#wol x g'raha tia#g'raha tia#elezen#AedRaha#gpose#my poses#aedric vaillencourt#island sanctuary
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really not beating the brainrot allegations but genuinely this line has been haunting my brain for ages
#rolling with difficulty#vrla rwd#mrsn rwd#well not technically but close enough#asto stop drawing the same two goddamn characters challenge (difficulty: impossible)#technically the original line was 'i see mr-sn' but this way .. works better? flows better? its 4am words are failing me#also took some artistic liberties with the hypnagoug design bc i think austin's intention was that only its face changes#to match your nightmares#but everyone started describing stuff thats much more elaborate and he didnt stop them so#specifically he says the clawed arms and 'a large gaping mouth' stay constant but i am just gonna Choose Not To See that part#look theres no way for me to fit that into the design and make it work. its just not happening#i mean thank god for mr-sn's cape or else id have to figure out the logistics of attaching bony clawed arm to robot torso#(also why i strategically placed the rips on the cape so you cant see the arm underneath LMAO)#yeah after a certain point i was just like. ok how can i make the mr-sn hypnogoug as nasty and unpleasant to look at as possible#so please let me know if this made you upset/lh bc im the one who drew it and *i* was very upset when drawing this#in hindsight hypnagoug mr-sn has lowkey nightmare animatronic from fnaf energy and i've been fully over my fnaf phase for like 6 years so#not sure how to feel about that#art I made
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🚦.
#my investment in the life series took one whole year to fully materialize#i remember this time last year i discovered joel’s vids and came across limited life#i also happened to be there when secret life started so i got to see it happen#with the benefit of getting multiple perspectives each week which was a joy#only now have i started to chip away at my backlogs#i’ve been watching grian’s perspectives—double life yesterday and 3rd life today ALL BC OF FANFICS I DESPERATELY N#*NEED TO DEVOUR#and can i just say that it isn’t scar’s first time going red so early in the series#like that man is a hazard and a menace to the series#everything just goes up in flames the second he turns red and i love it for him#anyway#i’ve seen the desert duo get hyped so much but i think we (me vs community) love them for very different reasons…#i’ve always adored their dynamic but there’s just some parts i don’t get abt the hype (?)#idk maybe the community has a tendency to exaggerate things 🤷🏻♀️#also i want to come up with a better tag system or else i’ll lose all my posts on them 🥲#toff.txt
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This morning, my therapist called me to let me know she's setting up her own practice via telehealth (which is what we were using Anyways) & asked me whether I'd want to follow her there. She still has to set stuff up with insurance stuff But her out of pocket stuff is like HALF what I've been paying out of pocket for the company she was in. So I was like, Hell Yeah let's do it
So im gonna keep up with appointments, maybe once a month or so, just so I have the accountability + the ability to ramble about what I've achieved. Bc that's been rly nice for me. I'll have my therapist back!!!! And better than ever, if only because I have to pay so much less for it 😂😂😂
And ALSO, today I put in my course request for the orchestra into the form. So different from just two weeks ago, where I was practically begging to be given a chance to audition. I was sitting in the same spot of the lobby even, but putting in my official orchestra request instead of sending an email as I vibrated in hope and anxiety. I Got It tho. And the class won't even be that late in the day. It's really exciting.
#speculation nation#also general bonding with friends etc etc. very nice.#it's like. my day took a real turn for the better. my gender communication class was covering relationships today#including abusive relationships and how people express love.#the abusive relationships one had me like. actively a little uncomfortable hfkshfkd not like it was BAD bc it's important to teach the signs#but especially when it came to the Volatility sign i was just like. yup. uh huh. yeah. yup. hfksbfmsbc#because it. hit Real close to home for That One shitty relationship way back when#most days i forget i was in an abusive relationship And Then I Remember.........#anyways thankfully we didn't have a discussion over that. but we Did have a discussion over how often we say 'i love you'#professor was asking for a numerical estimate. and some people were saying like 5 or 6 times a day#meanwhile me realizing i only ever really say that to family (human-wise). and i only see or talk to family every so often.#but i say it a lot to my cats. a Lot. theyre my babies. i love them so much.#so i got kind of stressed and overwhelmed thinking about how the most i say is like 'ilu' but only to like one friend and only rarely.#even in romantic relationships i havent said it for the most part. bc it's mostly not been true and i Dont Like To Lie.#so i got to thinking about Why and had a thing of 'am i heartless??' etc etc. but i think i really am emotionally distant#which i think stems from the fact that i dont trust much of Anyone to be in my life long-term besides family#and the only non family i feel comfortable Sometimes saying this kind of thing to is someone ive been friends with for nearly 8 years now.#so i guess i trust that theyll be here longterm. so i feel less anxiety about expressing it.#my friends told me that they see i still care tho in the ways i act and try to take care of them.#so. not heartless. i just struggle with telling people how i feel.#hfmahfmshfms so yeah bit of a weird day but it got better!!!! and now i am. chilling.#gonna play more sims 2. yes.#abuse ment/
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cant remember bringing this up for a while so honestly i'll never be over the reiiteration that jean himself has a bleeding heart. he is going to be both blunt and honest with whoever hes speaking to, but in a way that he hopes will come to help them understand the situation but also does it so whoever he's speaking with actually understands the full situation and what that may entail despite the gruesome outcome.
#out of.#i know so many people respect erwins RTS speech bc its so important but#his honesty to the corps completely parallels what 15 year old jean was saying to the scouts in trost arc and that is. IMPORTANT TO ME#rusty honesty is the most lore accurate name for his theme bc jean is. at his very core. AWFUL at this when he starts off#esp as a scout bc ... so much of it gets held back. just not enough for marco to not see it :pray:#his first proper scout interaction with eren is something i always write as a big regret for him but i also think its good to say he was a#fifteen year old who was suddenly becoming his own and a lot of peoples therapists.#he gets so much better with all this. he GROWS#i was talking abt this with angel a second ago but it's just part of the reiner and jean parallel that makes me enjoy writing them the most#reiner originally was this massive older brother figure role following all he had learnt from marcel. but peoples trust in him snapped so#easily when the reveal took place and he then spent the rest of the series trying to gain it back#( the only character who really seemed to forgive him the most being jean )#whereas jean was the character everyone loved to be mad at / tease / not get too close to#into becoming someone the majority of the scouts trusted the most#one day i will write my meta explaining all these diff characters jean mirrors but ... i shall leave you with this for now
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I'm going to lose my fucking mind
#For context: I was going to make a post complaining about how lesbians don't have enough good musical theater duets#(like we have the love songs from 'The Color Purple' which're alright but doesn't match the passion or desperation present in the book imo#'Changing My Major' which is a great love song but doesn't hit that sweet duet spot#'Dance With You' and the last verse of 'You Happened' from The Prom are sweet but the girls barely get to actually sing about each other#Honestly 'Oh Well' from Love In Hate Nation comes closest to what I want but it ends on a bittersweet note unless you see the show live#If only Elphaba and Glinda were canon...#But anyway. I can't believe that there's an adaptation of The Color Purple coming in the year of our lord 2023 and this is#how they're talking about Shug Avery. Her *role model*. Lock up your *husbands*. Ick. Pfaff.#I mean they're going to be gay. You can't get around that. But Shug is the love of her life. Can we please talk about that in the character#Don't mind me I'm just over here overreacting#From what I've read one of the biggest adaptational changes in the musical is her reaction to Shug's affair.#Like in the book Shug is the one light in her life. I sobbed myself to sleep over her nosedive in self-worth when they took a break#In the musical she's just...fine with it? I get why that's more satisfying emotionally but I still think it undermines their relationship#I don't get the curse thing either. I'm a little fuzzier on this part but in the book doesn't she just leave him and she's able to thrive?#Then when he asks her to get back together she's able to just know that the worst with Shug or alone is better than the best with him?#This book man. I hate that there isn't an adaptation as devoted to the Celie/Shug relationship as the book is.#Hate that the only recommendation I've seen calling it a sapphic book was from someone who thought that Celie's letters were to her lover#I remember watching this steamy adaptation of a Shakespeare play in soph Eng and seething because they only kiss once in the 1985 movie#Ig I can't expect too much from 1985 but...it was in the book! It was one of the most important parts! They don't even live together in it!#This was all to say I wast a lesbian 'Green Green Dress' a lesbian 'Home' a lesbian 'Natasha & Anatole' a lesbian Legally Blonde finale#The list goes on#I'm sure The Color Purple (2023) will be a good adaptation and movie. I will not pop blood vessels while watching it.#Maybe I should just avoid press releases and the movie will surprise me in a good way.
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Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE
#LANA i know his sister works for you BUT TRUST MY WORD AND GIVE ME A FREE TICKET PLEASE…#MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU WAS RUINED GIRL… she was so good too like i was saving her songs to spotify that night#im reliving all this because i found out a lot of his exes and ex friends hang out together and two of them invited me so it was me an ex an#d an ex friend just swapping stories and first of all. he said he got cheated on by this girl and she NEVER DID IT (HE would have emotional/#angry outbursts at HER though) (allegedly he’s acknowledged to her that the cheating never happened too) and 2. this is obviously making me#mentally rehash everything again. i feel so bad for his current girlfriend and also for the person i ‘’stole’’ him from though i really hesi#tate to blame myself after hearing about his patterns. first of all he wouldve done this with anyone who was vulnerable around him and secon#d i was the only reason he was at all honest with them. he was fully planning to gaslight this ex and me and his dad had to convince him not#to. they look like theyre happy now and im very happy for them over that. oh my god that man was evil he told me for WEEKS about every time#his then partner had talked shit about me while i made clear that i didnt care and wasnt very interested but he kept going. god i cant belie#ve this was my life a year ago.#the one thing i can say is that i out freaked him because throughout our short relationship i made him so insecure that a week after i told#to never speak to me again he called me asking if he really was ugly.#I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAD TO TEND TO A GROWN MAN WHILE LANA DEL REY WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPPOSED TO BEING AROUND HER. LANAAAA#times like these i get so mad i dont know what to do but ultimately remembering that he has not achieved any of his goals because he refuses#to face himself really helps me. god man IVE achieved some of his goals and i wasnt even trying to#a really awful part of all of this was all of the friends who knew him taking his side. because they didnt know him well enough to know what#he was actually like.#i was talking to my ex friend of four years and she was like not to blame you but he was probably really vulnerable from his time with [ex p#rior to me]’’ because he’s been going around alleging that that ex was abusive. and she was implying i took advantage of him. so i had to go#into detail about what an awful awful person he was and the sort of state i was in when this relationship took place. hannah lee you are#not seeing your little jehovah’s witness heaven.#anyways redirecting this energy im very happy with the way my life is and the way i am now. and im grateful for it i would not have ever bee#n able to imagine having the sort of peace and motivation i feel now. life feels like it can and will change for the better and it keeps pro#ving that right all the time#it just hurts sometimes having that as my first experience and not even being able to vocalize what was wrong bc i just didnt know hurts#oh i forgot one of his besties can see my account bc we’re sort of mutuals. i doubt he’s looking he did the whole unfollowing the ex bc she’#s allegedly amoral thing after the breakup but if he is hi isaac#he did on rare occasion show me selfless kindness but ultimately your best friend is a creep. i don’t want to be involved with anyone from#our school but I hope you know this and I hope you’re proud
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still feeling bad even after food and a couple hours of sleep. how mean
#one of these days the yearning for an understanding person to come home to at the end of a day will end me#until then i will probably have to complain about my stupid suffering#why must humans be a social species and why must i crave things i cannot have lol#why must i be stuck living with people i cannot ever trust again. want to be around people i like and who i can be vulnerable with#tbh if i still was as whiny in real life as i am on here most days i'd only get to hear 'shut up' and 'tough luck. man up'#and that is Not It. would only make me feel worse. so i keep quiet and keep to myself#which does not solve my original problem at all#maybe one day. maybe one day i can just be a beloved pet that doesn't get scolded or belittled for seeking comfort#that one thing my parents said to me 15 years ago still haunts me#'only people who deserve it get hugs' which was used to deny me comfort/affection. because apparently i am not worthy/deserving 👍#i was 13 going through the most vile shit at school but bc it affected me negatively and my parents didn't like me at my mentally illest#they just straight up denied me any type of comfort or support. took away my belongings. made me stay in my room for months on end#as corrective punishment. but none of it made me better. just made me worse. idk idk idk#all the shit they put me through. the emotional and physical punishments. the beatings borne from frustration#and still some part of me wants to seek comfort from them. BUT I SHOULDN'T. they broke my trust and my heart and soul so many times#it'd be straight up suicide to open up and be vulnerable with them again... lole running chest first into a wall of knives. no.#sorry. really in it tonight. gonna try to be more normal tomorrow
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weekly dunmesh ep post here to say that as one of the eps that didn't follow their usual formula I loved this one to bits 😭 pacing felt just right, didn't feel that rushed to me (tho maybe that's bc I kept goin back to watch more details lol) and the canaries and yaads voices in sub are all really really good
#i fucking loved pattadols voice WAHHH and i love how shes draw in the anime.. perfect girl#i think the only voices that didnt immediately click w me were otta and cithis'. they felt too high-pitched or too soft spoken respectively#but i think i can get used to them#also toshiro looking sm better w just a simple shave is getting to me.. his interactions w namar tickle me good..#the egg convo back to touden party had me go 'oh no' but then i realized we werent at that part of the anime yet BUT STILL. WDYM WE'RE#ALREADY AT THE GOLDEN CITY!!! THAAT FELT LIKE IT TOOK LONER. WHEN I READ THE MANGA!!!#i cant talk about everything i loved about this ep but shout out to senshi when he was doing you know exactly what im talkin about.#if i were a gay maan i think my reaction to that wouldve been marcille spitting her food out#PEAK MARCILLE EXPRESSIONS THIS EP BTW. CUTE CATGIRL IZU. LAOIS FREAK MINOTAUR EXCITEMENT. KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF CHUCKLEFUCK#the short impromptu 'pillow fight'#ahhh i just love them so much#but also its goin so fast 😭😭😭 don want my dunmesh thursday to eend so soon wahhh crazy that theyve been herefor almot half a year#i speaku#ALMOST FORGOT BUT PATTIES LIL FAIRY 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥺🥺🥺🥺 so cute that it makes u forget that its made out of [redacted]
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1, 3, and 8 for the fun things to be asked
001. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are? rather than just link you to my other answer, i will provide more (non-trauamtic) defining facets of my life: 1) my parents being almost 40 by the time they had me (38 and 39 respectively); 2) not getting my drivers license until i was 23 (follow this experience through the tag #kat learns to drive); and 3) my school in germany only having a mixed gender soccer team when i moved there in 4th grade
003. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of? i feel like this is more difficult to just limit myself to 3. here's 3 random ones off the top of my head: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, apollo 13, and the cutting edge.
008. any reacquiring dreams? unfortunately i don't, so i WILL be linking to my original answer here :)
ask fun questions!
#ask#alienmythologist#bc i didn't get my license until i was 23#after college when i moved home i was v limited in the part time jobs i was looking at#which is how i ended up submitting so many applications to the university my parents lived within walking distance of#which is how i first got started working in international admissions#which is the career i am still in now 11 years later#so#also the soccer thing:#when i was in the states as a kid i was on the local girls soccer team every fall and spring#and being an active sports kid was v much a part of my identity#but when we moved to germany my school only had a mixed gender soccer team#and the little german boys took soccer WAY MORE SERIOUSLY than i did#and they were all much better players than me#so i was only the second girl on the team and the other one was another german girl who'd known them all for years and spoke fluid german#so i felt super self-conscious and intimidated by my teammates#and also that fall was when my grandmother was dying so my mom was back in the states and my dad was busy most weekends#so i missed a lot of games#and after that one fall season i stopped playing soccer for years and kind of turned away from sports in general#i still played jv basketball and softball but it wasn't the same#and sometimes i wonder who i would have been if i had been so intimidated by that team
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn
#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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Argh.
#It is so ridiculous that this kid has FIVE parental figures and I'm the only one who's actually a good 'parent' to them#One other of the parental figures I've spent a few YEARS brute-forcing into being better at it and have to constantly keep doing so#And one of the other ones is just selfish and oblivious and overbearing and kind of useless and more like a kid than a parent#And the last 2 are actively abusive and just fucking terrible people who make the kids' life - and my life for that matter - a nightmare#How am I the only one who is any good at this??#I have no training or experience except a) being very good at loving cats and b) being raised in a horrible nightmarish abusive home#So I'm basically doing what MY family should have done for ME#And it's not fair bc I'm fighting the others every fucking step of the way just to TRY to make this kid's life less miserable than mine was#Like it is such a battle#And it is like a revolutionary unheard-of never-occurred-to-them concept for me to say 'Have you asked [kid] what they want?'#Bc they all automatically go for power struggles and selfishness and treating the kid like a possession#And it's only the one other 'parent' who will even fucking listen to me!#Like it took me a year just to reach the point where this kid trusted me enough to say 'no thanks' about anything#And w/ the parent who sometimes listens to me - the most constant freaking thing I do is ask 'Why?' bc they usually have no actual REASON#No legitimate reason for this rule they've decided or thing they've refused or anything! Just limiting the kid's life bc of how THEY feel#But also like if the kid says something would make a situation worse or better or whatever I freaking listen to them#Bc they have greater insight into the situation bc it's their freaking life and their experiences!#And when they want to spend literal hours describing their new video game I listen and inquire and comment on the cool parts!#And I don't give them 'orders' or anything bc what they have lost the most in this shitty situation is the right to have ANY agency#I always ask before I do things even just opening a drawer to look for a concealer they borrowed bc it's essential to respect their privacy#Bc they don't GET any from anybody else!!!!!#I literally have had to have so many arguments with the other half-decent parent just to get them to stop going through their stuff!#And again the other 3 people are frankly fucking terrible#Actively negative#Two of them actively evil#And yes I've tried to get authorities involved many times but they fucking refuse to do anything I've tried over and over and OVER#So I'm parenting this kid bc holy shit no one else is any good at it#And I'm so angry and tired and upset and I love them so much and can't fix this other shit for them#And I'm so flabbergasted that out of 5 ppl I'm it: the only decent parent#It's not fair to this kid
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Honestly, the most bittersweet thing to find on the internet is good creators dropping beloved projects. For any reason, good or bad - life gets in the way, they moved on to other things, they went to another fandom. Like, they put so much effort into that creation, and they just no longer have the time and/or passion anymore. Every time I finish reading an abandoned fic or a comic that hasn't updated in a year, I always feel sad that they couldn't complete their project before things changed, but understanding (and even happiness for them if it's a good change) of their situations.
I have my own abandoned projects. I have two fics that I will never finish, simply because my loss of passion caused me to forget my plot. But I never lost my love for my fics, and I wish I was able to finish them. Maybe I will, someday, but the odds are that I will continue on with my current projects first before I consider my previous ones. I have this bittersweet feeling for all loved, amazing, well thought out projects.
I wish all artists had equal ability to accomplish what they love.
#ADHD is a fucked up thing when it gets in the way of productivity#I have 50+ tabs of research open rn in a fit of hyperfocusing and now Ive overwhelmed myself#But I used to get really depressed when I dropped projects. I got so sad when I found out I was losing a hyperfixation...#Because they all mean so much to me - they all have a part of me imbued in the#But I cant control where my passion lies#Learning to drop a project or hobby you love for the sake of your mental health??#Is the hardest and saddest lesson to learn#I only started drawing again thanks to Harley Keener after 2 years of no art#And lemme tell you?? The wait was worth it.#I have a much more healthier outlook of my art and posting now thanks to this break#The same goes for my writing - school fucked up my relationship with writing so badly that it#took me over a year to get over. And Umbrella Academy helped me find my love for it again.#But sometimes dropping something is better than to kill urself over it ya know??#So I respect artists who decide to drop a fic or comic I love
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