#one time the doors fucking closed on me
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i need to stop holding a grudge against my mother for making me carry the biggest suitcase when we went to germany together when i was 12
#im so bitter about it bc she got a new backpack-suitcase luggage set that was all carry on size and i got the giant ass suitcase#and i had to carry it up and down the steps to the u bahn#one time the doors fucking closed on me
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me when i fuck it we ball
#ortismypassion#undertale#sans#papyrus#flowey#frisk#i did not lovk in i actually got locked the fuck out abd climbed through the window instead#anwyasys i think about them alot. too much#thinking about them all remembering resets and all burdened by tue fact that theyve all killed each other and they've all watched each othe#die over and over.#but its ok they're silly with it now and are not totally a little co dependent and trauma bonded abd cant be away from each other for a few#minutes at a time#anwyags i have this scene in my head of toriel opening the bedroom door and looking at them all fondly . a soft smile on her face#before closing the door and sighing. letting a worried frown mar her face#because shesso worried about them.#worried about how they seem so close yet they have not known each other for even a month before getting to their surface home#and how theyre never apart#or how all of them get nightmares and seem to seek each other out for comfort. so mucn so that theyve all moved into one room together#anwyays do you get me. do tou get it (wjo tf is reading this anymore)#they've been through so much and seen so many things that theyre not the same peoplen they were. never will be.
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please please please vote. it is always infinitely better to be fighting for more, and better, progress than to be spending time defending what should have been settled.
#if you've got a mail in ballot you haven't dropped off yet please do#you can skip the line it's a whole separate box#please don't be like that one person who peeled into the parking lot at 7:59pm when polls closed at 8#holding a cold starbucks drink in one hand that was untouched from presumably the starbucks a block down that closed at 9#and their mail in ballot that they would've had for multiple days by that point#and had the doors closed on their face because they couldn't get inside in time#we fucked up in 2016 and we can prevent that this time#also would highly recommend volunteering in some capacity whether it's of the canvassing variety or the election worker variety#online we often talk about voters as if they're all within our bubble and volunteering is a great way to get an idea#of who else the electorate is comprised of#i had someone ask me who was on the ballot.........................
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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#vent post alert vent post alert!#you can skip ahead this is 100% me being dramatic but ohhh my god#why the fuck do people feel the need to comment on every single tiny thing that i do that literally doesn’t affect anybody#except for making my life that little bit easier??#a list of Very Rude things that i apparently do that don't sit well with people:#working with my overhead lights off when i'm alone in the office (one day a month)#greeting people with a general good morning and not going into every single room to announce my presence when i get into work#working with headphones on#(not bc it's against workplace policies just bc i don't make myself constantly available for chats with my coworkers)#worthy to note i'm not even the only one who does any of these things apparently it's just a problem when i do it go figure#rn it was keeping the pantry door closed bc the noise the electronics in the room make is particularly grating#(pantry door needs to be open at all times for ???? reasons)#i could go on#as you can tell these are all Very Serious and Bothersome Offenses#like i'm sorry very unobtrusively accommodating my autistic brain is such a bother for you#please how can i make YOUR experience even more comfortable at the expense of mine#fuck this shit honestly
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If the landlord doesn’t want me fishing around in their shower vent and cold air returns, then they shouldn’t make them stink like rotting garbage. You painted over the screws so they’re hard to open? Cool. I’ll drill holes into them and get them out with a power tool because the town next to me is having a citywide garage sale and I’m sure there’s some Ryobi in there at a decent price. Your vents are coming off motherfucker, and if I find anything I swear to fucking god I am going to have both your vents and your bank account cleaned out.
#I also have a closet door that glues itself shut every time it’s closed… because they used fucking Mod-Podge to finish it I guess???#And the knob fell off when I pulled on it. So I stuck a hex wrench in there to try to use it as a handle#but I couldn’t grip it well enough to pull it open#so I karate-kneed the door on the side of the knob while pulling and it opened#As I’m talking about knobs… a knob is responsible for finishing this apartment#The cabinets don’t line up. The bedroom closet doors don’t shut at the same time#because they’re too tight in the jam and push the other out when you close a door while the other door is already closed#The cabinets in the bathroom don’t fully close because the hinges were drilled at an angle#The base molding looks like it fell off a cliff and was fractured in three places#SHIT-COLORED CIGARETTE TAR DRIPS DOWN THE WALLS IN THE BATHROOM WHEN THEY GET WET#Fuck you and your lease. If you’re allowed to have irresponsible carpenters and maintenance; I am allowed to responsibly burn incense#If people are allowed to smoke; I am allowed to burn incense#“No candles” fuck you for making me need to burn scents in the first place#Orwellian fucking apartment. Literally 1984. Not because of the rules; just because the apartment is a dysfunctional shithole#and it smells like the rotting remains of boiled cabbage just like the book#And if anyone asks me why I didn’t call maintenance I’m going to respond with my unresolved service request for the A/C#which conveniently broke down during a heat wave#Did it really break down or did the landlords cut it to save money? Like yes A/Cs break during the summer#but I wouldn’t doubt sabotage either. It doesn’t turn on at all.#The site asked what dates I’d like them to look at it. I gave my dates and said I’d be there all day. I waited at home for two days. No one#No follow-up until nearly a month later saying “We’re still getting to all the service requests please bear with us.” Oh thanks#You couldn’t have done that sooner?
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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Happy STS Elli!
What inspires you to write? Are there things that you know that you can get inspiration from or does it just come randomly?
Happy STS!
For me, inspiration doesn't mean "to write".
There are, and always have been, a lot of stories floating around in my mind - ideas, scenes, vibes, outlines. I get inspiration from literally everywhere, from talking to my friends, and video games, and scrolling past images or prompts, and reading books, and spending too much time on reddit, and…
Many remain daydreams, or character backstories, eventually lost to time.
Now for actually being able to sit my ass down and get words on the page? I don't know. It comes and goes as it pleases. Having a beehive where a brain should be does NOT help, let me tell you that.
I just. Can't focus on shit lately. Can barely make it through a chapter when reading. Every day is just suddenly over, and I got nothing done, and I am so tired. I have a completely outlined short thing I have been trying to write since Nov, and it's like pulling teeth.
I could do with several months off work while everyone leaves me the fuck alone. How would that be.
#salad-ask#aria-benedetto#sts ask#I cried new year's because after having 1 (one) day of my vaction actually completely to myself#Which was after I already didn't get any quiet time on my LAST three attempts at taking time off because someone was sick at home#And spending most of all that time just working (in my time off) and cleaning the depression piles#My mom berated me for instantly refusing to come over for some 'if I die you need to know where stuff is' talk#(note: there's no reason to think she might anytime soon and she was talking about like... a cd collection)#'You always have something!!!'#I don't know anymore how to get people to understand how fucking exhausted I am.#I'm about to let the stupid paint course voucher from work lapse because in a year I didn't find a motive I like and the energy to even#consider wasting 3 hours of my life after work to produce some physical object I have no room for while having to run to get there on time#Not to mention people!! A room full of people!!#I've just become sooo sensitive to noise lately I can't even stand to be in the kitchen when the fridge hums#And you're always always always the bad guy if you close the door in someone's face because they're whistling or watching tv or calling#It's cool :) Sorry I was being unsocial :) Lemme just quickly slam my head against a wall until I pass out :)#So uh anyway happy STS writing has been going well
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i finished season 4 of magnus archives and i am NOT okay
everyone's traumatized, but 4 lesbians, a muffin gay and a terrified asexual got a little win so that's good
#the magnus archives#tma#MELANIE MY BELOVED YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE#AND BASIRA YOU BETTER FIND YOUR RABID GIRLFRIEND#MARTIN AND JON REALLY JUST STARTED GETTING COMFY AND HAPPY AND THEN EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY WENT TO SHITS#i dislike lukas SO MUCH#elias can suck a dick honestly he's such a piece of shit#ii'm happy that jane came back for a little bit that was made specifically for me because i am number one jane stan#and helen is honestly pretty cool altho i still like michael a bit more than her#but its funny how michael was like “here is a door for you go open it”#“it's closed”“no it' can't be closed” “YOU TRY IT” “WHA???”#fucking peak comedy i am sorry#iAND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME WE'VE HEARD OF HIM (at least as far as i'm aware) IT'S SO FUNNY
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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
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i just beat 4/20 mode in fnaf 1 in TWO ATTEMPTS. why is that so easy
#the strat is flipping the camera up for ~ half a second every side check#so like. left door. cams (on 4b ONLY). right door. cams#check foxy OCCASIONALLY if ur worried abt his progression but he only moved to stage 2 (peeking out) the entire night with this strat#i sat at 2% power and waited and freddy barely got to his song when i won#that strat only works for fnaf 1 cuz foxy you just have to look at A camera it doesnt have to be HIS camera#so you can cam stall freddy (keep him from coming into your door) and keep foxy Calm the whole time staying on ONE camera#i checked foxy probably twice per hour at the MOOOOST i dont remember id have to look#ill check later#anyway i beat another 20 mode it was. actually so fucking easy i died once and its cuz i forgot to close the right door to check foxy and-#-freddy got into my room#at like 12 am so BKSDJAFFHSADJFKGHA barely into a run#i cant believe that was so easy hello i had like 47% at 3 am ur sposed to have 50%#GUYS I DID BETTER THAN MARKIPLIER#IT TOOK HIM 7 HOURS? IT TOOK ME 2 TRIES#then again. he didnt have the Foxy Freddy Strat TM#i might try it with his strat later on when i beat some other 20 modes just out of curiosity#xanchats#fnaf
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I dreamt that there was some sort of horror(?) spin-off for enstars. Btw. It was like neat, but so stressful. So stressful. It was like, short story, takes place in an art gallery??? One of them gets incredibly pissed off and you have a set amount of time to find weapons and a strategy before you have to face them in a closed space. Makoto had a sniper (?? In a CLOSED SPACE????) and the strategy for him was to point lasers at his eyes to stun him and then beat the shit out of him. If you even care.
#but also when you get in the closed space you can lock the door to give yourself some time#and there's like a magazine in each with in short what to expect#but it lies to you sometimes. it told me Makoto had a chainsaw :/#but why it's in a gallery i think the magazine ends with fun facts ab one of the exhibits lmao#i also dreamt i got caught up in a storm so i tried to hide in an old old church nd i guess that was interesting#saw my old religion teacher#got in a fight with my best friend. neo was there. Vi went fucking underwater fishing??????????#it was like the infinity war of crossovers. my irls my teacher my mutual my enstars charas everything
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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current fic editing position is 'sitting on the kitchen counter with my laptop while watching a freezer defrost' because apparently i'm the most responsible adult in a shared house full of people decades older than me
#the freezer has been leaking since before i moved in#because the drawers are so iced up that the door won't close#and no one has done anything#there is mould on the skirting board behind it#so i snapped and bullied them into letting me do it#they can't even take their stuff out because the drawers are too icy to open#so it's all going in the bin#nettle's thoughts#shared house life ain't it BUT i can at least improve it for myself#by defrosting a freezer like a fucking adult#and getting some fic editing time in while it melts!
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i have been trying to fall asleep for almost an entire gayass hour
#my parents closed and locked their door tonight so our dog is whining and crying outside of it to be let in to sleep#and my room is right next to it#so shes like right outside my door whimpering and pawing at the floor and whining#and its making me feel really really really bad#i tried knocking on their door but they didnt answer :( i think my dad is asleep and my moms showering though#i wont be able to fall asleep until our poor dog stops. so#i tried inviting her onto my bed but its too small for her and my sisters cat is here#reminds me of thjs time when i was rly little and i would go n sleep in my parents bed all the time when i couldnt sleep#in yhe middle of the night#but they were kinda sick of it so this one time they locked their door but i was too young to like#understand the concept that other doors besides like our front door could be locked#so i like. sat their for like half an hour trying to open this locked door...like this tiny si#-x year old child in the middle of the night tryina open this locked door & sniffling & crying. lmao#whjch might b why our dog crying n sniffling outside their door bothers me so much lol#anyway it is almost twelve in the fucking moening and i tried to go to sleep around 10:30. im so tiredd.....
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god sometimes i wish the whole "you wouldn't say/do that to a physically disabled person" lie that certain mentally ill people say was true bc i fucking WISH i could use "I'm in a wheelchair" as a gotcha for people being ableist against me. unfortunately,
#so my psych that I'm dropping the SECOND i get a new (better) one#like that whole facility. they DO have telehealth/video appointments#but they fucking?????? make the PATIENT DRIVE TO THE BUILDING FOR THE APPOINTMENT#WHILE THE DOCTOR IS AT FUCKING HOME. WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO GO INTO HER OFFICE WHEN SHE'S NOT EVEN THERE?????#like it's actually fucking ridiculous AND they NEVER get interpreters when requested AND they ONLY allow to schedule by PHONE#like- my Deaf mother literally physically cannot communicate with them because they refuse to speak to a video phone interpreter#or let her talk to them in person or via email. it actually pisses me off so fucking much#and like. most doctors offices. if you're late they give you 15 minutes before they declare you a no show and cancel#that place gives FIVE MINUTES. i walked in SIX MINUTES LATE one day and BEGGED them to just let me do the appointment#and they still refused#so i was out of meds for like. two weeks. anyway#the last straw was the last TWO times i went i was in my wheelchair#and the doors. open inwards to the rooms#so they closed me in the room for the appointment#and i PHYSICALLY COULDN'T GET OUT because i COULDN'T OPEN THE DOOR because there wasn't enough wheelchair space#and i had to frantically text my mom to let me out and SHE GOT IN TROUBLE FOR IT when i was SOBBING#bc i had tried genuinely screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to let me out of the room but nobody fucking heard me#and the second time i told the nurse 'HEY I CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE WITH MY CHAIR' and she was like 'don't worry I'll come get you'#she never did. i had to get my mom again#not fucking going back there ever again they've only ever pissed me off more with every single interaction#oh also they only let you schedule new appointments after they SEND YOU A LETTER SAYING YOU CAN CALL TO SCHEDULE NOW#if you call before then they DON'T LET YOU#and they give literally fucking 3-5 day later appointments when I've requested SEVERAL times I NEED A TWO WEEK NOTICE FOR WORK#also they don't give a shit about cutting you off your medicine cold turkey and not refilling it until several requests later#fuck that place. i hope every good doctor there finds a better job and the building gets abandoned and crumbles to the ground.
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