#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vanweezer · 15 days ago

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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out

"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"

thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms

#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves #the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs #im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect #i respect yall even LESS now #and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever #same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of #'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah #i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my #past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated #customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat #like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or #someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom #in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit #because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows #(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope #its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok #anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving #hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think #hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him #in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously #because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful #shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace #religion mention

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