#bc i genuinely believed (and still do) there was no way so many conservatives would start passing such bans

[sybbi]

If anybody wants an update on the precariously-close-to-failed democracy of Ohio, the Republican supermajority is attempting to keep the sitting president off of the November ballot on a technicality they created (and have previously bypassed when convenient).

These are the same people that tried everything in their power to keep an abortion initiative off the ballot despite swearing up and down it wouldn't pass anyway because they totally represent the average Ohioan's opinion on this matter so they KNOW Ohioans are against abortion, and when the measure DID get put on the ballot and Ohioans DID vote to protect abortion, they immediately said "This isn't over," because fuck the people's will.

I've said it before and I will continue to scream it until I'm red in the fucking face:

One party isn't perfect, but they have shown they value the most basic tenets of representative democracy.

The other party is pulling out all the stops to ensure we are a "democracy" in theory only.

[tomwambsgans]

i'm honestly kinda surprised that the most popular answer on that poll was that greg drops hirsch and takes wambsgans. it has me wondering how many of the ppl who chose that think so bc they think that greg specifically doesn't like having any connection to his dad (which i don't believe, tho i think his relationship w his dad is/was very complicated)... vs how many just default to a view of greg as the "woman" of the relationship vs how many maybe just figure that greg would defer to tom bc he doesn't care as much as tom does.

i think the most valid reasoning by far is that last one, and i do believe that tom would care about keeping wambsgans in a relationship that's not based around pragmatism. but i also do think that tom would still be open to the same discussion that he wanted to have with shiv. like the fact alone that he phrased it like that with her tells me that tom doesn't just default to one idea about last names. he knows that there are multiple options that are acceptable, and he's not gonna revert to a conservative mindset in a literal gay relationship.

most importantly i sincerely do not think that tom would specifically want greg to drop hirsch. i don't think it would even occur to him to ask him to. he'd come at it similiarly to how he said it to shiv: "which way do we wanna hyphenate?" - bc if it got to the point of an actual marriage, tom is obviously seeing greg as an equal.

now, if greg outright said "actually i was thinking i wanna just take wambsgans" then tom would def break down in happy tears. and maybe greg would say that. i can see greg thinking primarily of aesthetics with a sort of "could take or leave it" attitude about his surname, and it's totally plausible to me that he'd figure a hyphenated name was just too much and would just prefer to keep it relatively simple, and that he'd subsequently decide he doesn't like the sound of "tom hirsch" that much. personally i voted that they hyphen on each other's names respectively, but that's just the most likely imo. i think greg dropping hirsch would rely on him being the first to bring it up.

anyway actually most of all i wanna pick the brain of the 2 ppl who said tom drops wambsgans and takes hirsch. i'm not saying it couldn't happen i just genuinely wanna know your reasoning

[faithfromanewperspective]

how did you arrive at your progressive punk christianity outlook after being immersed in conservative christianity?

ooh!! good question. see I don’t really think what I was immersed in was particularly conservative—in circles I’ve been around we’ve always dissed Americans for being conservative (kinda mean I know) and my dad used to take me to climate change protests in the 2000s and I was always taught the 6 days of creation aren’t literal, the rapture isn’t real, women in stem etc. idk how it was anywhere else but the part of sydney I grew up in was just Like That, there was encouragement to give to the poor to actually end poverty and people actually did even though none of us really had heaps and I guess I wasn’t raised to be okay with entitlement but simply be kind to everyone? And I didn’t even know what conservative was until I was maybe 17 (I thought it was a style of fashion for ages and then I thought it meant conserving nature and history). It was always just Christians are meant to be genuinely kind and not have sex til you’re older and preferably married yknow?? and work hard, like the protestant work ethic was def a thing but somehow in a non ableist way as much as this is possible— I get real impatient with people bitching about stuff getting taken away from them, not realising how much they have when I probably have less and I’m usually giving away as much as I’m able and as much will put me in a state of perceived danger. It’s definitely a form of rebellion against them to see how little I can survive on which I’m working on. I also didn’t even know that so many Christians were transphobic like I thought it was only the extreme theobros. I also had a really lovely geography teacher in high school who was also a Christian and used her faith to drive environmental action, my biology teacher was a Christian and stood up for trans rights and I also had acccss to the internet to read up on clobber passages and hear peoples stories and it was always like ‘oh yeah some Christians believe different things based on how they read this stuff’ and I don’t think it was until I was old enough to actually vote and saw what propoganda was going around I really realised the power dynamic behind it, with the rise of the Australian Christian lobby which felt like it was straight out of the US. I fully thought voting was just liberals if you like fossil fuels, greens to save the environment, and labor if you’re a people pleaser and like fun little rhymes like ‘Kevin 07’ and attempting to be feminist but not really getting anything done. I actually met Martyn Iles once and was like ‘damn this guy is a fake Aussie this isn’t how we do Christianity’. I also got super burnt out by how hard and how biblically I tried to love my classmates on top of the Protestant work ethic about my schoolwork I never really cared about for myself, and was well versed in theology enough to be like HA! Grace means that we don’t have to do all that and can just do our sustainable best, still thinking my view was mainstream. I went to uni to study enviro sci at 17 and I thought my convictions to not drive unless Absolutely Necessary were driven by Christian ethics (which they were, how rigid I was with it was a pda response though). Then over the years realised very belatedly how people often didn’t validate my views and experiences and I’d expect they would (bc they were biblically rooted) and got quite hurt when they didn’t. Spent years in different volunteer ministries trying to put together the kind of community talked about in books like Philippians only to constantly be let down and feel isolated and that only driving me to work harder, despite knowing God’s grace meant I didn’t have to feeling like I couldn’t stop while my earthly needs for connection were unmet, saying yes to things I’d previously said no to because I got a sense of temporary community and belonging every time I joined a new serving team. Tried extra hard to make places inclusive and expected everyone else to be working as hard on it as I was and feel the desperation like I did and got super hurt when they didn’t, oh I guess I’ll have to do it all myself then.

I’ve always struggled with the concept of hell, tbh I heard about it way too young and never had a drop of self preservation instinct in my body only didn’t want to let God down by saying no. I’ve particularly always struggled with the whole urgency motivation like I’m trying, I’m doing the best I can, I listen to people and actually speaking the gospel into their lives in a way that hits home for them (bc I was thinking about how to do this in an empathetic and understanding and autonomy respecting way from a Very Young Age like I used to attempt to evangelise on moshi monsters to get an idea) and shit, I’m like 19 years old at this stage and I’m tired. If only I could just have one last hurrah to change places with someone so they can go to heaven instead of me? Id take it. and I basically worked myself to the point of being that suicidal and kept fucking going because God made me good at science so I can save the planet and end world hunger, and I had this conviction to contextualise (this is what we learned at afes btw) the gospel to really be real to queer folk and indigenous folk and other people of colour and marginalised people (it’s easy to see oppression with my background and my neurotype tbh) and maybe I could make myself suffer now bc God wasn’t gonna let me do that for eternity? anyway eventually left afes bc I was being so stretched and getting so isolated and the work I was doing there wasn’t achieving any of these things and I realised if I stayed I might end up dead and I wasn’t ready to go to heaven yet when my work wasn’t done. or at least so constantly dysregulated I wouldn’t be as able to be kind to others and show them the gospel.

around this time I’m also putting together a pretty comprehensive framework for how to actually solve global problems in a productive way, I’ve unpacked the pride in a lot of Christian mission projects and how they often were a feel good thing but not actually respectful or effective and I’d come up with literally hundreds of ideas for projects I could do to actually help, none of which I obviously had time for I think I was working up to 3 jobs while studying and serving in church and doing my hobbies that kept me kind of sane as well? which was discouraging to say the least, driving a kind of rageful resentment. Around that time I also discover PDA and my whole life makes sense, I start on my adhd meds which I had to jump through a million hoops to get and realise maybe I can finish uni.

a pda framework as I dive more into that and how to be actually neurodivergent affirming and actually recover from burnout long story short makes me realise how ableist much of our concept of sin and holiness really is and how much we need to destigmatise sin and stop using it as a way to intellectualise actual things happening in our brains and nervous systems and maybe we’d feel a lot less hopeless about it like it’s some big mystery if we actually did unpack the fear and threat responses and trauma behind it. Which we always say we will do but practically, church doenst give a space to do that bc you’re gonna be shamed. even for the people who are non affirming I’d be like, but isn’t it a logical step to someone who’s not yet been convicted to celibacy (if that’s something they think they should be) and realised this whole thing is unrealistic, not because the bible is wrong but because people think you can control your own brain by simply trying and trying again every time you fuck up as if that’s not gonna drive learned helplessness or actually traumatise you when you so desperately want to do better? Either that or drive you to be numb about it which I realised is what usually happens, there are certain sins people are blind to in every congregation and they’re actually intellectually unable to be convicted of that as sin because they’re stretched as far as they can go covering all other bases and being like ‘Christ covers that I didn’t Choose To Sin I’m trying not to even though it doesn’t really work’ like I’m a solutions person. if something isn’t working we’re gonna think of a new method and suddenly I understand how my brain works and those of so many others especially those who feel marginalised by the church!

and so long story short when I eventually had to quit what I was doing at church because someone cared enough to realise I hadn’t been doing well for years I was like I’m gonna follow this urge of the Spirit or simply my own head and desire for true connection I often found In exvangelical spaces and hear as many experiences as possible and use it to shape my worldview and get a bunch of hope from people who yes they’ve been marginalised but the gospel is real to them. that’s my only criteria I’m not gonna judge based on theology and I’m not ever gonna think my theological takes make anyone else wrong I’m just gonna be open to listen and shape them so there isn’t any cognitive dissonance and the grace found at the cross is real and practical and doenst have weird arbitrary limits, and I’m also gonna listen to those hurt by Christianity who some might judge as being hard hearted but I know how trauma works. and I’ve been doing that ever since, gradually getting there more and more and I think the best/funniest thing is even in more conservative spaces literally everyone I still talk to has been super encouraging of it and if we have any disagreements they’re pretty minor compared to the fact that we all believe the gospel is for everyone and we all wanna invest in social justice too (which makes me question how conservative those spaces ever were tbh). like there’s def parts of my story I won’t always tell but I feel like I come with a perspective people respect these days no matter where I am, and that’s nice in contrast to being that weird kid trying to do adult things being told either not to worry or that I don’t understand.

[gossipgirloff1]

this is probably superficial but politics is very important to me haha given i grew up in a conservative family so i really want to believe that max doesn’t support any of the bigot stuff kelly has got going on. she still supports palestine tho and i agree w her and i hope that carries on to max too. i just hope he’s as nice as i believe him to be and not involved in any racist stuff bc it would genuinely leave so many people sad who look up to him.

// maybe the first time she posted about Palestine was genuine. Who knows. She loudly and proudly supported bolsonaro (who is very close with her father and her entire family by the way) who is worse than the government in Israel. At least as far as I’ve heard. I’m not Brazilian do so I don’t know too much about him and his politics. Oh not to forget that bolsonaro praised rape before and how having a daughter was a weak moment as in only if a man has sons he is strong. Kelly posted something on her stories I believe when row v wade was overturned in the states a couple of years ago. So no clue how she can connect those two opinions at the same time.

As I said the first time was genuine. Maybe. Every single other time? Absolutely not.

She posted something about Palestine on her stories when she needed engagement. Every single time. Her engagement is low? Let’s share some stories about Palestine!

The last time she posted about the war was in the middle of dropping “ads” on her feed and sharing even more pictures on her stories. Literally!

So no Kelly doesn’t even care about Israel/Palestine. She cares about her engagement and how best to spend maxs money and how much she has to photoshop her pictures. It’s truly bad.

Quick tip for looking into the many things Kelly has done over the last few years: check out Steppy (maxverstepponme) and search for the lazy anon hashtag on her blog. There are 12 lists I believe about things Kelly has done focusing on mostly 2020-2022

Thank you anon for the info ❤️

[papirouge]

Ive heard some people say that Candace Owens husband is gay, that the right basically "let her have him" as a consolation prize because they don't really give a fuck about her unless its to use her as the woman against feminism or the black person against blm or other black causes... is that true?? Or are people just making shit up?

Candace is a bird, but this whole assumption she was desperate to marry this White man is silly. She's has been spouting anti Black pickme nonsense for years before getting married + was openly conservative/MAGA. She significantly had lower chance to marry a Black man than a White man based in her strong & outspoken political views.

There's no shortage of men to marry among conservatives and there's no way they would remotely "control" whoever they marry. White Conservatives are often racist but let's no forget Candace was very popular among them (she was their favorite diversity token lol), so it's not like she'd need any help or handout from the party to bag one of them🤷🏾‍♀️

This narrative of assuming a Black woman marrying a white man is the result of some arrangement instead of genuine attraction is rooted in the misogynoir standpoint of thinking that 1)Black women owe allegiance to Black men when it comes to their dating choices 2) Black women are not attractive enough to attract men from other race.

Notice there's hardly the same energy when it comes to Black men (who are literally breeding out their extinction in the NBA and many other industries).

Peep the name of the account. Black MEN are pressed, because an influent Black woman married and procreated with a White men. Black men are pathologically jealous of White men and their power. That's why they're so obsessed to breed with White women : bc it's a way to take back a bit of that power back by taking 'their' women. That's why dating/marrying a white woman is a social achievement for (successful) Black men. It gets them closer to whiteness= peak of the social & economical ladder.

It's funny they take a dig at her statement about the black family, when many woke pro black black men/hotep who won't shut about the Black community #BLM who are themselves dating/married with White women... But these same Black incel accounts are NEVER seen calling them out like they do with Candace. They're full of shit. They just want to control Black women and their dating choices. That's it

Btw, it seems her husband allegedly SAed other men, but those accusations didn't seem to go anywhere (the thread is from 2022)

I believe the rumors about her husband being gay/bi though. I wouldn't be surprised Ben Shapiro/The Daily Wire clique has some shit on her or her husband and that's why she's been so meek with them despite how badly they disrespected her by firing her like she was trash.. I personally find VERY suspicious that Candace had more energy to go off at the family of some random Black men killed by the police she had no real connection with (pulling up at their house while being very pregnant, which has to be her most ghetto stunt ever), than against the very people who professionally & personally harmed her...🤔

I think Andrew Tate also has some dirt on her husband (considering his "job" I wouldn't be surprised he still has snitches to dig up dirt about everyone around him to protect his own tracks - didn't he admit on some shitty podcast with Sneako that he did a whole background check to have him in his podcast???) and use it as a form of blackmail or coercion to keep Candace on his side. Sorry but she doing the most about Epstein and then caping for Andrew Tate a few months later never made sense to me. I see french moids hail her "courage"for covering the Macron/Brigitte open secret of their pedophilic relationship + transness of Brigitte(whose real name was Jean Michel) when she defended Andrew Tate who openly sexualized/compelled men to hook up with underage girls who were barely older than when Jean Michel started sexing Macron (14 years old). She's a raging hypocrite, and I can't stand ppl who don't have any functioning brain cells to realize she's full of it.

I'm 80% positive there's some shady shit going on with her. Candace Owens ain't as "free" as her stupid stans think she is. She's still a conservative shill. She simply got humbled and cannot speak the whole truth. Just because she called out Zionism doesn't mean we should support her in any or her endeavor. She's not a reliable ally. Her moral compass is wack. She's a grifter and only care about herself.

[thebreakfastgenie]

#people are doing WHAT#i thought i was online but i guess i'm not Online online bc i have never seen that#like doing it to house i thought was a funny joke but like - they are doing it to REAL LIFE bigots???#like HIM specifically too is so much worse???#he's not just a bigot he's like - an extreme example too how are they girlbossing him when he is REAL his hatred is real & causing real harm @biromantic-nerd

It started ironic but I've definitely seen examples that may not be consciously sincere but are serious. If I were a real academic in the right field I would study this because I think we really need to properly document this phenomenon but you see it time and again where if you say something ironically long enough you start to mean it more and more. One non social media example is Rush Limbaugh; he was always conservative but in the beginning he was saying extremist, provocative stuff because it made his talk radio show more popular and made him a lot of money, but by the end of his life he was a genuine extremist in any way that mattered and the effect of his words and actions was the same whether he truly believed everything he said or not.

A lot of people on social media are motivated more by the art of the meme than anything else. It's not really surprising; social media is basically a positive reinforcement machine. I suspect it's also the case that heavy social media users--the very online--self-select for being especially responsive to that kind of feedback. So people might think they're doing it ironically from the left, but that's not necessarily the effect. It's a combination of intent vs impact and thoughts and speech/action being a two-way street. We know you can trick your brain by faking it 'til you make it--you can do it accidentally too.

I think it's particularly dangerous with Trump because Trump's appeal was always semi-ironic. He made a name for himself in reality television by being an outrageous asshole. A lot of people always felt a little bit trashy for watching him, but they still wanted to see what he would do next. There are certain kinds of humiliation that send him into a rage, but other areas in which he's relatively shameless, and I think that helps explain why he survives so many things that would end a conventional political career. If you're making a meme about how Trump is an asshole but he's hilarious and in another life he'd be a bitchy drag queen you're already way closer to the average Trump voter than you think you are.

I think I would be less concerned about tumblr users recasting a canonically bigoted early 2000s television character as a sassy gay queen if they were not simultaneously doing the same thing to a real presidential candidate.

[skirwitte]

Random thoughts:

White people do have culture. Saying “white people don’t have culture” is helping white nationalism bc it assumes that white people are a monolith. White people aren’t a monolith, just like black people aren’t a monolith or Asian people aren’t a monolith. Putting people into groups based on skin colour is an American perspective, and it’s mainly due to slavery erasing black people’s heritage and white people building an identity in opposition to people of colour instead of conserving their own heritage. Do you know any folk songs? Are you willing to learn the language and traditions of your ancestors?

England isn’t exempt from this either. If anyone lacks culture, it’s not white people, it’s specifically the English. What is English culture? Football - the most popular sport worldwide. Fish and chips - originates from a Jewish immigrant. Tea - a tradition that’s ten times longer in Asia. The only truly English tradition I can think of is Morris dancing, which has become utterly twee and bourgeois. You aren’t taught folk songs, or traditions or folk dress or ANYTHING that’s older or bigger than the present. English heritage is the manors of those who got rich by exploiting others. English heritage is the aftermath of the suffering caused by the British Empire. No wonder why they feel threatened by people with actual culture. Theirs was taken by greed.

I am a first generation immigrant but I already notice myself having a harder time with my mother tongue since I moved away from home. My sister wants nothing to do with Hungary and doesn’t want to teach Hungarian to her future children. I hope I can convince her to change her mind because to me things like this are very important, and give me a sense of identity and belonging to my homeland that’s divorced from the political situation and the current state of affairs. It’s deeper than that, and in some ways more personal.

And yes, to a point all of these traditions are constructs of the patriotism movement of the 19th century across Europe, but they served a purpose (liberating many countries from oppressive unions/institutions) and they still do! They bring people together, they bring joy and a sense of community that hyper-individualised English speakers could really use! I have started to seek out YouTube videos of people keeping Hungarian crafts and traditions alive and it makes me so homesick that I wanna cry*. See, I grew up on Hungarian folk tales on TV, folk songs taught in school, visiting crafts and traditions with my parents. You English speakers don’t have any of that. Going to National Trust properties that all look the same and their history is “this rich guy lived here” is so depressing. And I know that as a leftist, putting more “Britishness” into the school curriculum is a weird talking point. But I genuinely believe that it would be beneficial. Because when immigrants show off their beautiful traditional dresses and delicious food on heritage day, English kids wouldn’t be stuck with wearing a football jersey.

*If you’re interested, this is a video about Matyó folk art. They are a group in Northern Hungary, and that’s my heritage on my dad’s side. I have transcribed & translated it into English:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17k4E1jqcFR8oEPnyIxrdQrcaMwHTTV5_vbPb-9rCrvg/mobilebasic

[first-only]

Previous anon here

I've also seen the 'taking care of yourself/your own happiness is selfish and bad' in activism/progressive spaces too. Actually, that comic you rb-ed about the guy buying a videogame and donating to charity, and then being 'called out' for not donating all the money, was the thing that made me send the original ask

But yes, you are right in saying that that mentality is also very prevalent in religious morality. (Makes you think doesn't it lol)

ironically, thats exactly how i meant it too. being socially or perceptually 'progressive' does not stop you from absorbing religious (or just generally controlling, chicken and egg on historically which leads to which) morality from context or culture. how many people these days, even those opposing capitalism, know that its literal roots is protestantism? think of all of the discussions about 'conservatism/puritanism with a gay hat'. - "i dont want to see gay sex bc sinful" and "i dont want to see gay sex bc what about queer kids" are the same statement. "white and black people shouldnt date bc of racial purity" and "white and black people shouldnt date bc power dynaimcs" are the same statement.

"woke" or social justice language has seeped so deeply into discourse that people are cloaking their every statement into it, theyre expressing their emotional baggage or inclinations with it. they've found a "progressive" way to state every personal beef they have with the world, and by doing this have made it very emotionally taxing to dispute them in good faith. if its easier to make an analogy with fandom on the fandom blog - antis think of themselves as progressive too, but they're parroting conservative rhetoric that they have absorbed, that makes them feel good, is intuitive, and they dress up their arguments in sj terms because that's what's marketable in their sphere. they probably even believe it's true - the same way some people genuinely believe in "selfishness" - but that doesnt change that the ideology itself is founded on conservationist, traditionalist, controlling beliefs.

i hate to bring up 'cultural [christianity/religion]' because that term has been twisted into nothing by social media, but this is what it actually means. even if youre not religious, the morals and the cultural background (ethics, interpersonal norms, rules for raising children) still seep into your understanding of the world just by Living In Society, by proximity, by your relationships with people who also live in that cultural environment (yes even if they themselves arent religious). opposing the norms, and sifting through them to find what actually is useful and makes sense, and what is "peer pressure by dead people" is a conscious effort. Identity alone cannot do that for you. Coming out, being queer, visiting counter-culture spaces can be a start but it is not automatic. The same way a lot of queer people have to unlearn homophobia (be it internalized or not), rooting out 'intuitive' (ie learned since childhood by socio proximity) beliefs and judgments of others is also a lot of work and involves challenging a lot of what you automatically think when faced with a problem or difference or deviance. (of course this doesnt apply only to religion per se, [some] americans and their 'what would the forefathers think' fall directly into this way of thinking. tho i might argue that's kind of pseudo-religious but thats a whole other discussion)

[alch3mic]

hi! i’m absolutely obsessed with ur posts + blog and let me tell you the absolute JOY i had when i saw you reach 1k. you’re one of my comfort blogs so it makes me so happy :-)

i’m 5’1 filipinx, pretty short && chubby && covered with eczema + freckles but that doesn’t stop me from being me!! usually i’m rocking a punk kinda of style and dye my hair every so often, right now it’s a pink + purple spilt dye. i wear pretty thick glasses bc my eyesight is terrible but i try my best to make it work. i’m trilingual as well, speaking english, tagalog, & ilocano ( another dialect from the philippines:> )

genuinely i’m not sure of how to put my personality since there’s so many that i put on for different people. although i’m quite laid back in nature, i tend to analyze everything internally which makes people think i’m quite slow when in reality, i can read people to a T. the best way i can describe myself is an emotional sponge; you’re secretly sad? i felt that crap from a mile away, i got you covered with encouraging words & comfort films. usually,, i tend to break away from norms + traditions due to growing up in a very conservative household- i’m seen as the black sheep. music is my biggest passion in life & i wanna share it to the world, make an impact on others.

like my personality, my hobbies are just all over. whilst i’m in a punk band, singing and playing guitar- my off time is spent studying history or literature or searching up quantum mechanics & the constellations tonight. usually i sleep alot during the day but am quite active at night! sleeping anywhere even in the noisiest of place is one of my specialties. usually to show affection, i either snuggling next to someone / have my arms around them or smothering them with gifts, nothing too big but little things that remind me of them. or just cooking for them if that counts hahah.

thank you for doing this; or even just reading this. it means so much to me, words cannot describe. again, congratulations for 1k && i’m so proud of you. continue on doing the work you do, it’s so amazing :)

Yes it’s true, I think SOLDIER would be just right for you!

🤍 A fellow music lover! Soldier has quite the passion for music, and even though he left behind musical composition to follow the money in information brokering, he still composes music from time to time. The two of you would have a whole heck of a lot to talk about and bond over in your passions for music, and I’m sure he’d love to come check out some shows too!

🤍 Soldier isn’t very good at talking about his emotions. They’re not very strong in any case, but having someone who can just feel what he’s feeling without him having to explain it in words would be.. well.. quite a shock honestly... and perhaps.. kinda nice?

🤍 You two have a similar way of showing you care, through gift giving! Though.. Soldier’s giving tends to be much more abundant, especially because money isn’t a factor for him at all. You want it? You best believe he’s going to get it for you one way or another.

🤍 Solider isn’t one to sleep.. much at all really. He struggles with it, and usually just finds himself taking breaks from time to time when he needs it, so thanks to that and his flexible schedule, he’d probably be able to keep up with your more nocturnal lifestyle! If anything there’s something to admire with people who can sleep just about anywhere too.

[Soldier of course belongs to the wonderful zirkkun, so if you’re ever curious for more about him, be sure to check them out! ]

[misterbitches]

hi @yeedak thank you so m uch for replying with what you did. YAY ADHD!!!!! ur partner sounds like she rocks >:)  as do u

i found it really illuminating and i agree with all of it. and god as much as i understand reticence when black people are interracially dating (it is so hard) i also hate it when people dictate it and also to a degree that it makes it extremely uncomfortable for the person themselves. to me it really is about a sense of control particularly if you are a woman. constantly trying to pick someone’s life partner for them instead of letting them find out if it’s a) something they want or even want to do b) something they can handle and c) their experience. it can purely cultural as well. my mom is a black american but my father is nigerian and that was basically a sin. however my father’s siblings? the women who had to marry extremely quickly and had to be with nigerian men or at the very least african? divorced. because they had to clamor for love for approval, pop out babies, and look what that got them. i totally understand you and  your mother. and you’re right about all of it.

the idea of a man whore is so funny to me too because it’s not about sexual liberation it’s literally about them wanting to use people as disposable which is why sexual liberation for women as well can be confusing. but all of this isn’t so we can develop our own imaginations and find out our own inhibitions. like you said in all of it and i found this part very very interesting and true, “youth is for sex and no mention of asexuality.” when you get older you are not sexual, when you are a child you are unsure about it, but there’s a time in our lives where we shouldn’t waste it, where it’s only acceptable in that window, where it’s dictated. tangentially i think it’s very funny that the people we sleep with also become a point of pride. let’s say if he is a man (as a bisexual~**~ gorl) but he’s ugly, i should be ashamed, too?

so much boxing in and pushing and dictating. they really are here to spread a message. and i know things ar ehard. i can believe people ask you that but it’s still so.....weird? i remember saying something about my sexuality once and it’s not like i knew the people but then they started asking me questions and i honestly felt embarrassed and like an outsider. i dunno.

and your analogy of a mirror was perfect woaaaaaaah that’s what im gonna say now thank you so much credit to you. gENIUS!!! as real life changes, what we see changes. but media doesnt come first.

also totally agree about watching what people consume and not falling into those patterns. and when “bad” things are shown i do not understand why shows are so scared to show them as they are or not romanticize. a real issue to introduce when it comes to age gaps would be why it is frequent in the lgbtq+ community. that is a real thing because when you have to hide yourself of course you can be stuck in a state of arrested development and trying to re-establish times you may never have. that’s a geniuine fear and concern, it’s understandable even if i don’t particularly care for it, but it’s like for these writeres there’s no reason to look deeply or put that into their story. so why are they doing it? and what is the message here? uGH. and what ur mother said makes so much sense we are just constantly absorbing all these messages and culture absolutely aids to it and you’re right about the generations. and sometimes things stop and start but i genuinely think (and know) that for us to continue forward and not have the constant backwards taht means we have to push to get there and demand and that also means we have to make an effort to end the harm we then see on screen. rape culture dictates these shows. it relies on it. it is disgusting but rape culture is the norm, the norm is the oppression so we have to attack it otherwise it sticks and htat’s exactly why we see what we see.

and the unacceptability of gender fluidity is what keeps the genre SO INFLEXIBLE sincerely. it honestly just pulls so heavily from patriarchy and the roles in which we have to follow to uphold that structure. 

it’s really just not enough to show us things any more wihtout taking it into consideration. and like ive mentioned there’s soooooooooo much media that has a lot to say that embeds itself. there’s this thing my friend linked me to on re-examining queerness in korean cinema (much like my dad’s country; patriarchal, more “conservative, anti lgbtq+, reliant on capital. africa is different because of the blackness component but the structures aided by colonialism absolutely remain and continue and that’s how we see such similarities. thse countries are more “overt” in this output but still you know. america. sucks) because we are trying to re-evaluate what it means to be heard and seen. the different ways and sort of the message that a lot of us as lgbtq+ can feel. you know, how we can get a feeling on if a person has our same experience, how we kind of have to learn to identify that. not sure if this makes sense...

your mom sounds really cool. and i’m fucking sorry. so many men do that. i live with both my parents but even then i see this power imbalance i can’t stand and you know i would have believed it was normal if i wasnt able to learn aand had to build up thinking skills. there was one day that it hit me that there are parts of my parents relationship i abhor, that are imbalanced, that make me find my father disgusting and make me ashamed of my mother. i don’t want that to happen to me or my potential children. if i have a male partner for life, which i am sure i will because offffffff heteronormativity and homophobia and being half black american half nigerian, he cannot recreate that. i am optimistic on what people can do without needing such grand structures or the support of the elite etc you know? that’s how we know there’s good work that exists and people we can find that arent with the status quou!!! 

and who want a better world. we have to know we can rally that together. i think part of that is constant demanding of things to do better. there’s a rage against the machine song called settle for nothing and it’s about 0 compromise. there’s a famous quote i dont remember by who that’s basically like there’s an idea that there’s a limit to asking for dignity and what you deserve because when people realize they can live better lives they want to cultivate that more and more but that means a loss of control and a sharing of power from the top. nothing is ever enough if it can be better and we are allowed to demand it (or take it.) we deserve the world, we are being told that we’re asking fo rtoo much. are we? really? 

i was thinking about the children thing as well bc...lmao i was so tightly contorlled as a child and it really messed me up but at the same time, like you, i honestly do not want my children watching drivel. like even with youtube. a friend of mine said that what she thinks she will do is try and hammer home how fantastical these things are, they do not reflect reality, and to get them to understand the spectacle. at the same time i’m like does a child really need to watch these dumb tiktok stars or jake paul? but then im like i really dont want to control them. but like what if ur kid asks u to go to some like fucking BL concert or some shit like what do you say to that?!??! I DONT WANNA SAY NO BUT AT THE SAME TIME UHHHHlmao but at the same time we have to give them tools to analyze and do the right things and follow their hearts

however,

as you know

LOL

tysm for responding, lovely talking to you and hearing your thoughts!!!

oh btw so u r from kashmar? that is very cool......VERY COOL

[bubonickitten]

Biden won!

YUP LMAO i just saw. trump is throwing an absolute tantrum on twitter, i can’t wait to see his non-concession speech. (i’m largely being facetious there, i’m also Incredibly Anxious to see his non-concession speech and the fallout)

(u.s. politics rambling below the cut)

i mean, i should be honest: i hate biden too. i voted for him because u.s. electoral politics are fucking broken and a two-party system is untenable in theory and frankly abhorrent in practice, and every fucking election cycled we’re forced to choose a lesser of two evils bc the DNC is shit, and i really hope that the progressive movement continues its momentum even now that trump will be out of office, and i will definitely spend the next four years criticizing biden’s administration bc so many of their policies are just. centrist at best.

and ALSO, this country is definitely built on a rotten foundation of slavery and genocide and systemic oppression; the whole system needs to change, starting with some genuine collective soul-searching re: the actual history of the U.S. and our part in suffering throughout the world, and a rejection of nationalism (a steep uphill battle, i know); and i don’t want things to go back to “normal,” because “normal” wasn’t working.

trump was a symptom of a virulent problem that existed long before he was born. he fanned the flames, encouraged conspiracy thinking, made everything materially worse over the past four years. and conservatives who wring their hands about what an embarrassment he is are the same people who encouraged the tea party movement: trump is the logical progression of that, so they deserve no praise for going “oh no how did we get here :(”

white nationalism has always existed from the beginnings of the country, but during trump’s reign, more and more people felt safe and comfortable being LOUD about it. and i think conspiracy thinking has definitely risen in recent years (though that’s not all trump, and there are many branches of it, qanon is just one flavor. though people who believe in one conspiracy theory tend to believe in many more.) i don’t think trump being gone is going to change any of that; these ideas have gained such momentum that i doubt people will go back to being more subtle in their bullshit.

and i’m genuinely worried about how his supporters are going to react (and are already reacting, and have been acting all along). trump’s created a cult of personality; he’s ALWAYS been a con man, and extremely good at that. he isnt going to shut up, and i doubt the media will let him fade into irrelevance. i think we all need to be more supportive than ever of one another -- and right now, we especially need to look out for marginalized people in swing states and trump-happy places in general.

(personally, i live in an area that is heavily conservative, there are “this is trump country” signs everywhere, and although we’re rural, there were still small, informal “trump parades” as of last week. i doubt trump supporters will gather here as much as they would in a larger town/city, but i do still worry about the fallout.)

don’t get me wrong, i am for sure (obviously) ECSTATIC to see trump out on his ass. and i’m definitely enjoying the memes and schadenfreude at his expense, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. i’m just also saying that the next four years, i hope the same energy and drive for progressive policy keeps up, and that the same scrutiny we apply to gop politicians is also applied to the democratic party -- because in many ways, democrats do similar things, just... do better at dressing it up, so to speak. like, the u.s. democratic party is centrist at best, and every time the gop moves further right, the democrats seem to inch a little further to the right to keep up & appease.

(i hope this doesnt sound lecture-y. i am FOR SURE preaching to the choir right now, and this isnt’ very eloquent or comprehensive.  i’m just. rambling bc i am Anxious and have been for days and i need somewhere to put it)

anyway. in the meantime i am definitely going to laugh at trump’s expense. but i’m also gonna be anxious about the fallout, and about Where We Go From Here.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?  /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[ex-terfs]

I’m curious about how you were introduced to trans exclusionary ideology, and when you realized how toxic it truly is. I’m genuinely curious.

Hello! Sorry for the hiatus.So this is my story & long rant post.I've been among TERFs/Radfems (AKA the Conservative side of "feminism") since 2015. In mid-2016 — with the dangers of having Trump as President — I started getting critical of everything going on in the community, deleted older posts, & stopped reblogging "trans-critical" stuff. In 2017 — after seeing TERFs celebrating that the 'Everyday Feminism' site was facing a financial crisis & after paying more attention at what our "enemies" were trying to say — I unfollowed all the bullies, & eventually started to despise seeing "trans-critical" stuff. Their hatred towards the "big scary Libfems" is what made me rethink my priorities.

Many parts of their ideology had peculiarly attracted my attention back in 2015. As a GNC person who celebrates gender nonconformity, their gender abolition theories seemed very interesting (& I later found out how bigoted they are towards GNC men & GNC people with different identities/pronouns). When I was a sex-repulsed person, their porn-critical & sex-negative theories also seemed very interesting to me (I later found out how bigoted they are towards sex-repulsed people — upholding heteronormativity & saying things like "Haha, nobody loves you", "If you're a man/bisexual/lesbian, you must perform oral sex on your gf"; but still, I'm NO longer in the sex-negative/SWERF community). People sending them death threats was also one of the reasons why I had joined their movement.

It always begins like this. Step 1: you begin exploring anti-kink/anti-porn stuff; Step 2: you begin exploring anti-"MOGAI" stuff; Final step: you turn into a transphobe. That's how I got into this mess.

Second-wave theories originally had a critical focus on the social construction of gender & sexuality, monogamy, submission/masochism, natalism, the family structure, the fear of nonconformity, emotional/economic dependency, religion, & violence.As a feminist, yeah, I still agree with most of these analyses. I love reading academic books. But there was something different about terf/radfem tumblr. & this is all I've noticed over the years.

TERFs treat their word like holy truth.

TERFs use Right-wing "sources" to back up their transphobic & sex-negative arguments (& often associate themselves with conservative groups).

TERFs claim that all men are "biologically/physically the same".

TERFs contradict themselves all the time: claim that sex-repulsed AroAces are "usual straights", mock people who just want to remain single, & at the same time still say that if you don't want to have sex with men, then "you're a lesbian"; they say that people don't owe you sex, & at the same time say it's "not okay" for men to sexually reject a woman for "bad reasons".

TERFs claim that lesbians who are anti-TERF or who don't believe in the "born-this-way" theory are "fake lesbians".

TERFs are against the idea of removing your secondary sexual characteristics; & if an AMAB person doesn't like their "secondary sexual characteristics", then they must be a "delusional fetishist" (srsly I identify as a woman, but I still wish I could remove my uterus & have a breast reduction surgery; & it's not for sexist reasons! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs claim that men can't be raped/abused by women (not all TERFs believe this, but I still see them quietly following the ones who do).

TERFs have definitely never read a book with a different perspective/purpose, yet they will act like total experts on any subject (TERFs act like they're experts on Postmodernism & Queer Theory, but they have no idea what these theories are actually about. These theories are both very complex & don't have only one definition! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs will assume you're a trans woman if you don't disclose you're actually AFAB (& they could still have doubts).

TERFs are very manipulative & use brainwashing tactics. If you're AFAB & anti-TERF, they will say it's because of your "internalized misogyny" & will try to guilt-trip you. Because how dare someone has a different opinion! If you're AFAB & proudly calls yourself 'genderfluid' or 'non-binary', TERFs will get offended.

TERFs claim that asexuality only exists "because of the prevalence of porn" (Aces & sex-repulsed people would still be here even if porn didn't exist! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs claim that men who call themselves 'feminist' are "all predators".

TERFs would rather include transphobic men in their spaces than "those evil libfems" (those women are enemies).

TERFs claim that radical feminism is the "only true feminism", & that all second-wave feminists were "radfems".

TERFs claim that GNC men are "fetishizing" femininity (but according to TERF logic, masculine men are not fetishizing masculinity).

TERFs are extremely bigoted towards sex workers, polyamorous people, people who don't want commitment, people who are sexually experimenting or who are promiscuous (which is also one of the reasons why I left the sex-negative community; their views on sex/lust/love are similar to the Christian conservative perspective).

I can definitely assure you I still very well remember most of their URLs & blog content. There are many TERFs who hide behind aesthetic blogs, & use subtle TERF language & comforting rhetoric — which you might not even notice if you don't know much about their specific type of language & tactics (e.g. complaining about the "neoliberal postmodern identities" & about people "erasing females"). This type of TERF also may follow a bunch of (trans-inclusive) anti-'MOGAI' & anti-kink blogs. If you're trans-inclusive & TERFs follow you, it's likely because your blog content doesn't make them uncomfortable.

Their blatant transphobia is absurd & paranoiac, & they don't hide it. Anyone who disagrees with them gets called a "handmaiden", "lesbophobe", "male", "genderist", "liberal", "libfem", "special snowflake" (I no longer consider myself a radical leftist, but I don't consider myself a centrist either). TERFs call trans women as a group "fetishists", "delusional", "mentally ill", "sociopaths", "narcissists", "pedophiles", "necrophiles", "incels", "genderfucks" + slurs like "tr*nny", "troon", "tr0n", "transes". They say that the trans movement is "coercing children to transition" & "forcing lesbians to have sex with penis". It's pure fear-mongering. Their views on trans men are also contradictory — there are times they claim that trans men are "straight girls who are trans just bc they read fanfiction & watch gay porn", & there are times they claim that trans men are "brainwashed butch lesbians" (Pick a side!).

I live in a very religious Latin American country. The majority of the population here is not educated on gender/sexuality issues. I got the chance of educating myself better only after I've learned English. And then some terfs had the gall to say "academic fields such as Gender & LGBT Studies & philosophy are oppressive & pretentious". In a country like mine with a dark history of military dictatorships, censorship & anti-intellectualism, being leftist means protecting the social sciences in education & freedom of the press.

So yes, I left the terf community bc unlike them, I think for myself & I hate bullying (i was in fact heavily bullied for years in school, & only bullying victims know how it truly feels like). My terf blog is now inactive; I had 1000+ followers. I'm a very quiet person irl & online; I was never vocal about my real opinions bc I don't like getting into heated discussions & I didn't want to be featured on that gross radfem-gossip blog.I was very transphobic back then. & now it's quite possible terfs will say to me "You were never one of us". I followed & liked their blogs, just like they followed mine. I was loyal & obedient. Now not anymore.

[tervenish]

Radical Feminist/Gender Critical Questions

I've noticed some contradictions throughout GC/radfem spaces and I just wanted to write them down and talk about them.

PLEASE NOTE: I know someone is going to interpret some of these as if I believe some horrible way, or distrust some people, but genuinely I’m just trying to ask questions and have a discussion to try to make sense in this terribly confusing world.

A big problem I have with self-ID laws is that it’s all just based in “because I said so.” But when I tell someone I’m a lesbian, I can’t share my feelings so that they, too, feel them. I have no way to prove that these are my feelings. All of our morals are just “because I think it’s right/wrong.” I don’t understand how to move forward with this problem.

Don't we, too, seek out studies that confirm our beliefs? There are studies that say yes but there are also studies that say no. Each side pays attention to the ones they want. How do we remedy this?

(1/2) We call out the no-true-Scotsman argument a lot in genderist circles, but there was that time a feminist organization partnered with conservatives. What happens when a group that calls themselves radical feminists or even gender critical, and do something like that? Saying "that's not real radical feminism" feels like the Scotsman thing. Not every radical feminist agrees with the same things. Julie Bindel doesn’t believe bisexuality is real. Some radfems think women can never reach equality if they’re around men.

(2/2) One explanation I came to was that when we hear “a real trans person/trans ally wouldn’t do that” is that that is referring to a person, whereas “that’s not radical feminism” is referring to an ideology that, theoretically, has defined principles. However, as I said, it doesn’t really... At this point, I feel like nothing can be set in stone besides math, and even that has theoretical areas.

We say TRAs show their faults when they don't respond after we ask them things like "so define a woman" or whatever, but there are times when I choose to stop talking even after some significant point they made (for example, one said "I didn't choose to be bullied for this") often bc I'm either not in the mental head space to handle a debate or I've just gone blank on how to respond. I also can’t perfectly explain everything I believe. I believe in the forces of gravity and friction, but I can’t explain them. So... is that really an argument?

Why don't we hear more about transmen getting hurt in male bathrooms? Statistically, women have been harmed more in mixed-sex bathrooms... right? I know female-only bathrooms are important, but I still can't articulate why I'm uncomfortable without simply saying "the history of male violence toward women." And then of course people can call me paranoid and point out transmen doing fine?

Again, I don’t now how to explain why I value female-only spaces without sounding paranoid or saying women are weaker than men. On one hand, AFAIK it is true on an average of physical ability. But on the other hand, do people have a point when they say we’re teaching women to view ourselves as victims? There has to be a balance of pointing out violence and risk patterns without kinda enforcing learned helplessness.

Re: "men do express their emotions but they do it with violence/anger" -> "not all men do that" ...I'm confused because it's true, I rarely see men slamming doors or punching people bc they're upset, but when they do, they're criticized for it bc most people recognize that as shitty behavior. So... how true is this? How much of our own personal witnessing of these experiences counts toward “enough” to make it a generic statement or not? What else can we say to describe men and their relationship w/ emotions?

How far can we say "men do ___" when, duh, not every single man does, but... what constitutes "enough men"? I'm just thinking about this bc my brother gets upset when I make broad statements and he genuinely doesn't fit the male stereotypes, and then I feel stupid because I can't really back up my judgments without just gesturing vaguely to "the history of male behavior." I'd just like to be able to have a more complete response, y'know?

(1/2) We say "cisgender privilege" doesn't exist because women can't oppress men, but then there's the intersectional axis of, for example, white women over black men. White people oppress people of color, and that doesn't change when it's women vs. men. So what do we call this?

(2/2) Secondly, well, a transgender person does face different kinds of adversity that I don’t because I’m not trans. This is a thing. But misdirected misogyny and homophobia are also a thing. Perhaps what they're referring to as "cis privilege" is just gender conforming privilege? I don’t know.

When women talk about hating men, we say it's because men have done so much shit to us. Isn't that similar to someone saying "it's okay, he was bullied/abused so you can't be mad"? How much is mistreated “enough” to say this is okay?

It’s horrifying to me to think of a 13-year-old or a 9-year-old getting put on Lupron or some other experimental puberty blocker, but how do we define children’s autonomy? What about other health problems? Are they allowed to consent to cosmetic treatment after a disfiguring accident? Or would we just say “you should learn to love your body as it is”? I know they’re not truly the same thing, but where is the line? What about a child getting treatment by pills for Schizophrenia? It’s all so complicated.

There are so many arguments that Intersex people do not represent a sex spectrum, and there are lots of other arguments that say they prove that human sex isn’t 100% binary. On one hand, of course it’s binary because of how we reproduce. But on the other hand, how do you define who fits into male/female? A woman with high testosterone, no breasts, no uterus/ovaries, etc. is no less a woman, but why? Women with CAIS have XY chromosomes and testes but are considered female. And what about chromosomes beyond XX and XY? Even if I were to acknowledge that an everyday individual can’t truly define that and that we should leave it to the biologists, we still have to have a decision to make votes and arguments.

Please be respectful if you answer. There are harmful people in every circle, and we’re all just trying to do what we think is right.

[codeblve]

howdy y’all ! lilac’s the name, writing trashlord character’s the game. i hail from a lil island known as australia... so in essence, i am never gonna be online at the same time as anyone else dkjfghdkfjgd. but !! don’t let this deter you. like a lil ol’ boomerang i’ll eventually find my way into your dms and hopefully we can plot/write with all your incredible muses. <3 a lil info about me though, i’m a tea connoisseur, sims enthusiast, and i talk daily about how i consider the barbie films cinematic masterpieces. if i haven’t scared you off and you’d like to get to know my sweet and memey tough boi, please press that readmore to complete your transaction.

⌠LUKE HEMMINGS, TWENTY ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, BLUE HAWTHORNE! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + COVERT OPERATIONS (CP); and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a smiley face traced into the precipitation on a mirror after a long and warm shower, a constellation of bruises strewn across your body, impatient foot tapping in the hallows of detention, chopsticks fashioned into walrus tusks over a meal, climbing higher and higher with no sign of stopping). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 2/13/1998, they always request their CHEESY NACHOS WITH EXTRA GUAC from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

( PERSONALITY ! )

( for more details about blue, check out his stats & hcs here ! )

he is playful, jocular, impulsive, and honestly? immature lmao. he is honestly a Soft Jock™

he’s always been looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know? he does this in the way he’s always cracking jokes, a bit of a class clown, disruptive. a wholesome prank or two. 

he gets in trouble in school more than his fair share, simply for daydreaming or sneaking out. he doesn’t let the institution define him, but he can take orders when needed. he can be very loyal tho, and much like eggsy in kingsmen, if someone asked him to choose between his dog or orders ?? he’s always choosing the dog kdjgf

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around. social butterfly, gregarious. chances are if you don’t know him, you’ve heard him dkfgjdf

he’s also a bit Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( sex lmao ) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a hug to Heal You

he very much reminds me of the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a soon-to-be spy he can be Tough in the field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive. most see him as a macho, just genuinely happy kinda dude but, he truly feels a lot. he won’t let you know that, though.

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho. he does shine in physical trials at least, which is something !

also what’s money? blue does not know. he grew up with hardly anything, and has been working since he could. for this reason he’s quite frugal and struggles to throw things away. 

blue’s troubled past ( explained below ) is something he doesn’t acknowledge, and not a lot of people know about. to many, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you.

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

( HISTORY ! ) - tw: illness/cancer, death, substance ( alcohol / drugs ) & depression.

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf, was born in the town of sparks, nevada ! 

it was always just blue and his mother, margarette. he never met his father and he was gone long before blue’s mother could even tell him about a pregnancy test. cut off from her family due to having a child out of wedlock, the pair started a life for themselves. all they had was a humble abode in a trailer park. material possessions were lacking, but blue never felt like he went without. 

blue’s mother was by very definition blue’s best friend. they both shared a love of music and ballet, and margarette worked as many jobs as she could to allow for her son to take lessons. starting quite young, at the age of four or five, blue was actually quite good. the usually mischievous and erratic child found structure in the discipline, and it was the thing that brought him the most happiness.

as a child blue was often teased for his interest, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. despite being incredibly short and frail at the time, he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. made a lot of mistakes. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world.

when blue turned fifteen, everything changed.

( illness / cancer tw ) the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted.

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them.

at the age of sixteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend.

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control of his own life. most of all, he felt so hopeless as his best friend in the entire world was starting to fade. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved with a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment, having met them at his mother’s funeral. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold.

( substance tw ) in his latter adolescence, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more.

at the age of 17, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rise and fall of the sun. he was hardly ever ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 17 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to be. his grades were debris lost in his tumultuous storm, he was always looking for validation from the kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family.

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with petty theft, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 18. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. things had to change.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school. not well by any means. but he did it.

it was about now that blue had been informed of a small school called blackthorne academy. details were scarce, but what drew the blond’s attention was the tuition ( or lack thereof ). his acceptance cited his physical capabilities as seen through his many years of dance and explained why he was of particular interest to the school. he was suspicious, to say the least. but blue knew he wanted to become something, and to go to this school would not only take him away from a life he wanted to forget, but he would become self sufficient, and be able to leave his toxic family situation on his own terms. 

bidding farewell to the grandparents he was only beginning to know, his grandfather saw no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemon kgfjfd.

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in work before eventually starting his tenure at blackthorne. although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of. and who knows, maybe he could go on and save the world. 

( WANTED CONNECTIONS ! )

all of these are absolute trash, and i much prefer plotting with specific characters in mind to cater it to our muses and make it unique to them. (~: but i do have a few wanted connections here as a starting off point !! if any of them really call to you though, please let me know as i would adore to have anything listed !! with that in mind, i wanted to include a sample of a few of the connects on the page here to make things a lil easier. 

— *. ; ( co-workers ) || this connection is a little up in the air as i understand that students aren’t allowed to leave campus without staff supervision, and tuition isn’t awfully high if you can’t afford it ! however, blue has no money, and if at all possible he would try and get some sort of job whilst at blackthorne/gallaghers. whether that be doing odd jobs as part of his covert ops classes, or even working for the campus doing things like lawn maintenance, working in the stables, or literally anything that was open ! ( his ‘job’ could even be bringing in dkfjgdf some sorts of contraband to sell to other students, lmfao. nothing illegal, just stuff you can’t get on campus ). this connection is meant for any muses that may also be employed, or want them to be, and these two could be co-workers ! with an admin blessing we can figure out what is logistically possible within the plot, and if your muse already has a job i’d be very interested to have blue be a coworker if you were at all interested !! <3

— *. ; ( protector ) || there are two things blue hates most in this world: liars, and bullies. as an older ( and arguably large ) student, he comes to find someone who is going through a rough time assimilating to life at the academy for whatever reason. on the surface neither of them have anything in common, but the pair form a sibling like bond, and blue is willing to do anything to protect their friend. 

— *. ; ( aggressor ) || blue is very mild mannered for the most part, save for any jokes he likes to make. however, there is someone on campus who absolutely makes his blood boil. whether this person dislikes blue for his lack of wealth and sophistication, his inherent need to never pick sides, or his immediate abandonment of respect for blackthorne once the truth came to light. or perhaps he made a joke in their early days that rubbed this person the wrong way, and a toxic environment has persisted since then. i imagine this relationship has escalated to violence, and for whoever picks this up i’d really love to delve into their hatred and flesh out their angst !

there are plenty more connects on the page and like i said, i am literally happy to plot anything under the sun. (~: 

thank you so much for reading ! if you made it all the way here ?? you’re a h*cking legend lmfao. if there’s anything here that stood out to you please hit me up either on tumblr dms or via discord ( my user is lilac 🍕#1835, or kjgdgdf the person with the crying squidward icon in the gc lmfao ). as there are quite a lot of members here, please like this here intro if you are interesting in plotting/writing with me so i know !! i’ll check out your beautiful intro and Throw (or rather, gently pass you) some ideas your way if you haven’t messaged me first. <3 but thank you so much again for making it to this point, here’s a proverbial cookie for your troubles. it’s double choc chip, enjoy it. (~: 

[anarcoqueer1994]

Why Do I Feel Like This? Chapter 4

Really important: This is an old work of mine that I am posting bc the tag is dying. But also, this has a lot of homophobic language. I can post the other chapter if people are interested too. This was a tough chapter to write. I went to a conservative middle school in 2008 and kids were always nice to the trans non binary gay kid

"Freak."

"Homo."

"Pansy."

"Faggot."

These words were hanging in the air around them. TJ and Cyrus were in Cyrus' bedroom, laying on the floor side by side, with their fingers intertwined, refusing to let go as if their lives depended on it. Sadly with how TJ was feeling now, Cyrus was pretty sure his life did depend on it. Cyrus turns his head so he can look at TJ. His eyes lingered on a bruise that was forming around the other boy's eye. It broke his heart. He let his eyes slip down to his own arm, looking at the hand shaped bruise. It left a dull throb down his arm.

The blond's cheek was streaked with silent tears. His face was tense and broken. He looked like he could shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Cyrus knew the feeling. He was barely keeping it together himself. Between the hurt he felt for what kids did to him today, and the intense anger he felt towards those who hurt TJ, he was about to lose his mind. How could this be happening?

Today had started so positively. TJ was practically glowing on the way to school. Yesterday night, he gained so many friends in Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty. He was genuinely excited about having more friends at school and not feeling so lonely. Cyrus remembers smiling as he listened to the older boy gush as they walked together. He remembers wanting to hold his hand as they walked, but didn't because they weren't out to the public. Looking back he wished he did, because maybe it would of given his boyfriend more strength for what would come next.

This morning, they walked through the big double doors leading into the school hallway. Immediately everyone went silent. Hundreds of eyeballs bore into them as they walked down the hallway towards their lockers. Their lockers this year were right next to each other. People parted down the hallway to let them through. Cyrus heard some snickering and whispers when they passed.

"What's going on?" The shorter boy asked quietly.

"I'm not sure..." TJ admits apprehensively.

That's when they see it. Out of the corner of his eye, Cyrus sees his friends rushing up to stop them from seeing but it is too late. Taped to both of their lockers were blown up pictures of them kissing. It was from the park last night. It shows TJ standing up, leaning down to kiss Cyrus as he sat on the swing. Any other time, Cyrus would of loved that picture. TJ looked so beautiful in it, but right now it was breaking his heart. Someone outed them. They took away their right to come out on their own terms.

Then both boys noticed something else. Written on the bottom of the pictures in big red ugly lettering was the word 'FAGGOTS.' Cyrus forgot how to move. He stood frozen as everyone stared at them. He could hear whispers filled with ugly words. He could hear TJ's heavy breathing next to him. He did not know if his boyfriend was about to cry or lash out at everyone there.He wanted so badly to reach over and take his hand but knew that would make everything worse.

That's when he heard Buffy's voice cut through the crowd. "What are you guys all looking at?! Get out of here, now!" Cyrus saw his friends push forward to stand with them. Buffy threw her arm around TJ's shoulder while Andi squeezed Cyrus' hand. Kids began to disperse at Buffy's threatening voice but a few lingered.

"Get out of here!" Jonah called out.

Yeah, leave now. Get to class or something." Marty shouted.

With that, the group was left alone in the hallway. Both boys knew this was not the end of their problems, but it helped for now. Cyrus whispered "Thank..thank you..." Jonah and Marty went up to the lockers and ripped down the offending pictures. They were quiet for a moment. Maybe even longer. Time was moving in slow motion. It was like they all had something to say but did not want to be the one to say it.

Jonah finally broke the silence. He said "Can we go somewhere and talk...there is more you guys should know." Cyrus saw TJ's face get even tenser. He did not think it was possible. The bell rang but none of kids seemed to care. TJ gives a small nod to Jonah's previous question.

They walked down the hallway and found an empty classroom. Given the situation, they were pretty sure their teachers would understand them missing some class. Marty was the last one in the classroom, so he shut the door behind him and locks it.

Andi takes a deep breathe and then pulls out her phone. She opens up a text and hands the phone to Cyrus. TJ is standing near Cyrus looking over the phone. There is a video attachment. Andi says quietly "Hit play, Cy..." He does as she says and watches the video that makes him feel 100X worse.

It is a clip from the park. It is a crappy cell phone video. It shows the whole kiss...it shows them staring at each other like idiots and then them talking afterwards. They looked like love struck puppies. Luckily the person who taped this was too far away to record their conversation. But it is still way worse than the picture. You can hear the two voices in the background belonging to whoever recorded this. From the looks of it, they were hiding behind some tree. One voice is obvious, it was Kira. But someone was talking to her. TJ's heart dropped even further. The other voice belonged to Reed.

This hurt him even more. Back when Reed was his friend, he didn't actually come out to him but he was pretty sure he knew about his crush on Cyrus. Reed seemed supportive, even playfully flirting with Cyrus the day of the gun incident. Reed and Lester used to listen to TJ ramble on about Cyrus. They knew he liked going to the swings to talk to the smaller boy. That explains why Kira knew she could probably find him there with Cyrus. Reed must of told her. He couldn't believe Reed would seep as low as outing them.

As the clip came to an end, both boys looked dumbfounded. TJ could feel his friends' sympathetic stares directed and him and his boyfriend. Buffy is almost whispering as she says "I think it was sent out to the entire student body."

Cyrus kind of figured that. He cannot imagine how this situation could get any worse. He was expecting TJ to run away and isolate himself from them, from him. But what he actually does, breaks his heart more.

TJ whimpers softly like he could barely talk. 'Can...can you guys give me and Cyrus a moment...please..." The other kids nod and leave without a fuss. Their faces all look worried, nevertheless.

Cyrus braces himself for TJ to break it off, to tell him that he never wants to talk to again, to tell him this was all a mistake, but he does not. He looks to the ground as he stands facing Cyrus. He takes a sharp, pained breath. "You don't have to stay with me...this is all my fault. I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

Cyrus did not expect that. The surprise causes him to let out a dry laugh. How could TJ ever think Cyrus would leave him over this. "You can be so oblivious, you know that? You mean more to me than any of those people. TJ I lo..I mean you are so important to me.I just can't imagine being without you." He realized he almost slipped up and dropped the "L" word, but stopped. He thought it would not be the right time. He did not want to freak the older boy out more

TJ weakly reaches out for Cyrus' hand. It was almost surreal to see TJ look so defeated. This was not the confident, goofy, jock Cyrus knew. Cyrus was so sad looking at him. He grabbed TJ's outstretched hand. Cyrus didn't know what hurt him more, what those kids did to him, or what they did to TJ. Actually he knew the answer to that question. TJ's hurt will always matter more to him, for better or for worse.

They stay quiet for a long time before Cyrus' voice cracked through the air. "We have to get to class, Teej..." TJ silently nods in response but doesn't attempt to move. Cyrus decides he will stay there as long as TJ needs him to.

Cyrus would if been terrified if skipping class before this. He wouldn't want to face Metcalf's lecture about the importance of making the most of your time at school. Or even worse, detention. But none of that matters to him right now. The events of today took away his ability to care.

He glanced momentarily at the door to make sure his friends locked it behind them. This room has no windows as it is a basement classroom. With reassurance that the door was secure, he pulled TJ close to him, moving to wrap his arms around him and hold him close, threatening to never let go.

The blond does all he can not to just collapse in Cyrus' arms. He felt exhausted. Today was not supposed to be like this. This was not how he pictured finally coming out. He keeps picturing that ugly word written in red. It was like living a nightmare. Was that all he was?

He rest his head on Cyrus' shoulder, trying to pull himself back together before they had to face the other students. He took a shaky breath before whispering into the shorter boys ear "I'm ready…"

"You sure?"

"Yea…Are you?" He whispers, trying to make himself believe he was truly ready.

“Honestly that depends….” Cyrus says in an unsure voice.. His voice gets lower, almost sounding shameful. “I can handle being out there, as long as you don’t shut yourself away from me. I hate what those people said and did, but what scares me the most is the thought of losing you...”

When those words roll off his tongue, TJ’s grip around Cyrus gets tighter. “I could never do that, Underdog...not anymore. Every part of my life is touched by you. You are under my skin, you know? “ Those were the most confident words TJ has said since they got to school. Cyrus could not help but believe they are true.

Cyrus pulls away and gives TJ a small beautiful smile. “Okay...let’s go.”

With that, both boys head out and go to their separate classes.

 

************************

School dragged on. They both missed most of first period already so they waited for second period. TJ had English and Cyrus had math. They were on opposite ends of the school so they couldn't even walk together to class.

When they separated, Cyrus tried to hurry to math class, to avoid listening to people in the halls. Some gave sad, sympathetic smiles. He knew they meant well but wouldn't actually do anything. Then of course, there were the mean whispers.

"Freak."

"I should have known, honestly...he was always such a girl."

"I have to sit next to that homo in science. I hope he doesn't infect me like he did TJ."

He tried to ignore everything, trying to focus on how TJ could always make him smile. He tried to focus on their date this past weekend. TJ was always his happy thoughts. He didn't look at anyone, just passed by with his head down.

None of his friends were in the same math class, Buffy had gotten moved to honors, and Andi was later in the day. So he could not even get a reprieve when he got to class.

You know who was in his class though? Reed. He was dreading walking through that door. Up until now, Reed had ignored him since the gun incident. He knew he would not be that lucky today

As if on cue, Reed, Lester, and a few other boys from 2nd period math were waiting outside the classroom. Coleman was not in class yet, so Cyrus had no teacher to protect him.

"Hey Cy…" Reed sneers.

Cyrus remains quiet, trying to pass the group to get into the classroom.

Reed grabs his arm hard enough to bruise, stopping him in his tracks. It really hurt and Cyrus winces in pain. "I was talking to you. I knew you were a fag...but dumb too?"

Cyrus stays quiet as the boy releases him and pushes him back slightly. It causes Cyrus to stumble and fall on the ground. The boys surround him.

"You are going to regret ever turning TJ into one of you guys…"

Cyrus gets a burst of courage when he brings up TJ. He may not be able to defend himself well, but he would do anything for his boyfriend. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You can't turn someone gay. Trust me TJ was "one of us" way before me."

Reed looks pissed when Cyrus talks back to him. But Cyrus doesn't stop. Though his arm hurts and now his back from falling, he smirks. He doesn't know what came over him. "In fact, I thought you may be "one of us" by the way you were acting when we went dirt biking. You were flirting with me the moment I walked up. But it is not me you are into is it? You wanted another boy that was there. You wanted to make him jealous, didn't you?"

"Shut. Up. Goodman." He said in an irritated tone. His eyes are dark from anger. The other kids stare in confusion.

"Or what? You are going to hurt me again. Do it. I don't care. You know why? Because I have TJ and you never will." When the words leave his mouth, he feels a sharp kick to his stomach.

"I said shut up, faggot." Reed and his group walk into class leaving Cyrus laying on the floor, holding his stomach where Reed's shoe just made contact. He manages to stand up and walk into class before Coleman gets there. The last thing he wants is more attention drawn to him by getting a teacher involved.

As he sits in the back row, in a little corner, he smiles to himself. His body hurt like hell and he knew he would have a bruise on his stomach to match the one forming on his arm. But he stood up to Reed. He actually said out loud "I have TJ." It really hit him, TJ is his. He did not know what he did to deserve something so wonderful

**********

The rest of the day passed slowly. People would make nasty remarks whenever either of them were in the hallway. But no one came up directly to TJ like Reed did to Cyrus during the school day. Even Kira just gave satisfied grins when he saw her. She was satisfied with her work and did not feel the need to add to it. She could tell by his defeated face, that she had done enough.

Lunch was a good reprieve, as Cyrus and TJ were together, and they were surrounded by their friends. It was a little easier to ignore the other students. But today overall was mentally wearing them down. Ignoring the stares and the laughs was overwhelming. Cyrus keeps the Reed incident to himself. He knew TJ would lose his temper and Cyrus does not want TJ to get in trouble.

In the afternoon, classes were just as bad. In art class, which TJ and Cyrus have together, everyone focused all their attention on them. They sat together, like usual, but today everyone became hyper aware of it. In the past, they would exchange little cute notes to pass the time. They could not do that today without someone noticing though and making it a big deal. It was like they were like freaks on display.

Throughout the day, their friends really tried to help. They would shoot back nasty looks or tell off whoever was being a jerk. But it just wasn’t enough. The worst part wasn’t even the kids making the shitty comments.No, the worst part was that so many more kids weren’t saying anything at all. It was not just that they weren’t calling them names or being a bully. It was that they were just letting it happen. They were being indifferent in the face of 2 boys being taunted just because they were going out with each other. These kids were not being homophobic directly, but by ignoring the problem, they let it get worse.

**************************

When school finally let out, TJ could not just go home. He had basketball practice, and for once he was not looking forward to it. Cyrus had always came to his practice. He would sit and watch them play(mostly TJ) and then they would walk home together. A bunch of the player’s girlfriends would be there too but until today, no one thought anything of Cyrus being there.

Cyrus met TJ at his locker before the taller boy went to practice. They tried to block out the few lingering glares around them. Cyrus whispers “Hey TJ….do you want me to come today? I...I don’t want to embarrass you more and I understand if you don’t want me there...I can just wait for you somewhere else...or I mean if you even want me to wait…” Cyrus was rambling and blushing more and more the longer he talked.

TJ does not know why Cyrus always makes him want to be brave but he does. He stops Cyrus mid-ramble. “Of course I want you to come, Underdog…” He adds “I don’t care what these people think.” That last part was kind of a lie but TJ wanted to believe himself.

Cyrus simply nodded as he watched the basketball player close his locker. He follows his boyfriend down the hallway towards the gym. They get there before the rest of the team so TJ goes to the locker room and changes before anyone else gets there. Cyrus takes a seat on the bleachers and settles in to wait.

When the rest of the team arrives and is ready, they begin practice. The other basketball players’ girlfriends all sit away from Cyrus. But whatever separation and isolation Cyrus may feel, it is nothing like on the court. The other players won’t pass TJ the ball during drills, and they keep knocking in to him on purpose. They try to make it look like an accident because their coach is watching but Cyrus knows better. The team doesn’t seem to be treating them like their captain anymore.But everytime Cyrus makes eye contact with TJ, TJ puts on a big smile just for him. He knows TJ does not want him to worry.

When practice finally ends, things get worse in the locker room. TJ rushes to the locker room first. TJ tries to hurry out of as soon as possible but things don’t work out. He is standing at his locker trying to change. He already is back into his jeans and is working on getting his t-shirt back on. The other players enter the room. A tall boy, Brady, immediately starts talking to TJ. “Hey Kippen, I think you are in the wrong locker room. The girls locker room is that way.” He points towards the door.

“Very funny…” TJ responds dryly as he pulls his shirt over his head and begins packing up his stuff.

“I’m serious, Kippen. I don’t think I want you in here, and neither does anyone else. We don’t need a homo in here checking us out.”

“Trust me, I’m not interested.” TJ tries to remain calm.

“I don’t think you understand, we don’t want you on the team anymore.” He steps closer and shoves TJ as hard in the chest.

“I don’t think you understand. I’m the best player you have. Without me, you aren’t going to win another game.” TJ replies, stepping back close to him. The boys stand almost nose to nose.

“I would much rather lose, then have you and your faggy ass boyfriend gaying up the place.”

A wave of rage swept over TJ. How dare he bring Cyrus into this. Without a second thought, TJ punches Brady right on the chin, knocking him to the floor. TJ grabs his backpack and goes to leave. He stops at the door and says “Oh Brady? I wouldn’t tell coach about this, wouldn’t want anyone else to know you got beat up by a faggot.”

TJ storms out of the locker room, while trying to compose himself. He walks into the gym and looks up at Cyrus on the bleachers. “Cy let’s get out of here...now”

**********************

The boys walk home together. Tj didn’t want to tell Cyrus what happened, but when those big brown eyes looked up at him and asked what happened in the locker room, TJ could not lie. He told him everything. TJ seemed shaken up about it, mostly because he had worked so hard to not be angry anymore, and now it seemed like everything he worked at had been erased.

TJ looked so sad, and Cyrus couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He no longer was afraid to hold TJ’s hand in public, people knew so what did it matter? So while TJ was talking, mainly beating himself up, Cyrus reached out and intertwined his fingers with TJ’s. It made TJ’s cheeks go red as he tried not show how much Cyrus could still get his nerves all tingly. Cyrus, once again made all his troubles melt away.

Since TJ was honest with Cyrus, Cyrus decides to be honest with TJ. He tells him what happened with Reed. He shows him the little bruises on his arm. TJ looks like he could kill Reed right now. But Cyrus asks him to let it be and then tell TJ about how he stood up to him. TJ smiles at the last part when Cyrus says that he has TJ.

“Is that true, Underdog? You really want me to be yours?”

“Yea…” Cyrus blushes. “We are dating after all.”

“Yea I know that, I just have never heard you say that. I think...I think I like being yours.”

Cyrus shoots TJ a big smile. “Well I like that you are mine. I also like being yours too.”

TJ looks at the younger boy and really takes in every detail. Cyrus Goodman has done it again. He has made TJ forget about how bad today felt. He says “Hey wanna go to The Spoon?”

“Are you sure? A lot of kids from school will be there.”

‘Yea I know, let them talk. I can block them out when I am with you.”

“Okay then, I’m down to get some babytaters. “

“Cool, I have to run home and grab my cash and drop off my gym bag. Get us a table?”

“Yeah of course…”

*****************’

TJ walks into the door and the house is eerily quiet. Amber is at work, and so was his mom. But his dad should be home.He looks around the house just to check in. It wasn’t until he got to his room that he found him. He was sitting at TJ’s desk. He smelled strongly of whiskey and was holding a picture of TJ and Cyrus from TJ’s drawer.”

“Hey..hey dad, what you doing?”

“Is this the boy?” His dad asks as he waves the picture around.

“What...what are you talking about?” he stutters.

“Don’t play dumb with me, boy. The school called. They said that kids were giving you problems today over some kiss with a boy. Is this the boy?”

‘Yes, sir.” TJ looks down. He really wishes his big sister was there. Amber knew how to handle their dad when he was drunk and angry. She always protected him.

“I don’t ever want you to see him again. And you will not live that disgusting...lifestyle in this house.” His dad’s words are slurred as he stands up and steps closer to the boy. His dad could be pretty intimidating. He stood at 6’4 and had the build to match. TJ wonders if his dad knows that Amber is definitely not straight either.

TJ takes a deep breath before defyingly looking straight into his dad’s eyes.”No.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said no, dad. I will not stop seeing Cyrus and now that I was pushed out of the closet, I will not go back in. You or anyone else cannot make me!”

“You will not talk to me like that in my house!” He says grabbing TJ by the shirt collar and practically throwing him against the dresser behind him. That’s when the drunken hits and punches start landing against his body. “I’m the adult here, if you are going to act like a freak, I’m at least going to show you how to take a punch like a man.”

When the older man is done, he leaves TJ slumped against his dresser and closes the door. TJ knows he cannot possibly leave now. He does not have the heart to tell Cyrus what happened. He is sore all over. He knows he will have bruises and marks all down his chest and face. But he doesn’t hurt. He just feels numb. Like nothing at all matters. Like he doesn’t matter. Maybe he was a freak...he doesn’t even know.

He stays on the floor leaning against that dresser for hours. He hears both his mom and sister come home. Then he hears fighting and doors slamming. Amber knocks on his door, but he ignores her. There is only one person he wants to see right now but he thinks he messed that up too.

He never made it to The Spoon and couldn’t bring himself to answer Cyrus’ calls.

*********************

Cyrus had waited for TJ for 2 hours before finally going home. He does not know why TJ ditched him or why he was not answering his calls. He sadly walked home alone.

When he got to his dad’s house, he found all four of his parents waiting in the living room. They all heard what happened at school. They all ended up being so supportive. They were angry that someone took away his right to come out on his own terms.Cyrus was truly lucky in his home situation. They had a huge dinner and even told him he could invite TJ. Unfortunately TJ was not answering his calls. After dinner, his mom and step dad went home and Cyrus went to his room to do some homework and get ready for bed.

At around 11:30, Cyrus was laying bed. He could not get TJ out of his head. He was worried about his boyfriend. He was also angry. TJ said he wouldn’t leave him. Now he was worried that he changed his mind. The pressure from the kids at school was too much for him. A small ting sound broke him away from his thoughts. Someone was knocking lightly on his window.

He turned on a small lamp by his bed. He walked over to the window and slid it open. The figure that was knocking crawls through the window in into the room. When the light hit his face, Cyrus saw it was TJ. He also saw the big bruise forming around his eye and cheek. His heart dropped looking at the older boy. TJ looked like he was about to break. The blond says “I’m sorry I stood you up today….”

“Teej, its okay. What happened to you?” He whispers, scrunching his eyebrows together. He can’t believe someone would do this to him. He didn’t know why TJ was apologizing to him for missing some baby tators when obviously something horrendous happened to him.

“My..my dad. The school called him...I told him I would never breakup with you...and I think...I think he was trying to beat the gay out or something...I don’t know...I just...it just hurts….everything hurts. My body, the way everyone treated me...treated you. What did I do to deserve this? Maybe it’s karma or something for who I used to be…Cyrus, I don’t know if I can take this. I’m not strong enough. I just feel like I want to end everything.” He lets out a sob before the flood wall burst open. The last line slipped out. He didn’t really think he wanted to just kill himself, but it definitely crossed his mind. For the first time today, he let himself just cry. Cyrus pulls him into his arms and pets his hair.

“You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Not everyone is as cool and accepting….and people like to hurt and breakdown those people who are different, who they don’t understand. TJ, you have the most beautiful heart, and there is this light in you that makes me better just from being around you. Please don’t let them take that light from you. Your dad? He is a mean bigoted, jerk. You deserve so much better. Teej, I need you so please don’t hurt yourself, okay? I love you…”

He wasn’t expecting to say that now, but it's what he felt. They have only been dating a month, but he knew he loved TJ back before they confessed. He knew that’s how he felt when TJ looked him in the eyes and said “You’re the only person I can talk to like this.”

Cyrus feels the wet tears soak through his shirt as TJ cries into his shoulder. He hears a mumble, almost too quiet to make out. TJ has whimpered“I love you too Cy….”

They stayed in each other’s embrace for a long time before it hurt to keep crying. That's how they ended up with their fingers intertwined, laying on the ground. Cyrus had pulled TJ to the ground so they could lay together and just take comfort in each other’s presence. Cyrus wasn’t sure how well that was working, as he got more and more upset the longer he stared at the bruises peppering his not-so-scary basketball guy’s skin.

He was not sure how, but he needed to fix all of this for TJ.