#so i was out of meds for like. two weeks. anyway
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This is me not knowing if your requests are open, but I’m gonna slide in your inbox anyways. I’m currently on my period at the moment and want to actually die, so this is me ever so kindly requesting for some tooth-rottenly sweet comfort with my boy. Whether it focuses on the reader struggling during her time of month or just overall seeking some comfort, I will happily accept either scenario
jack may have a reputation for being sassy and dry at times, but when he knows you need it? that man turns into the softest person on the planet.
he’s waiting on you hand and foot, treading lightly, not wanting to upset you any further. he’s speaking softly to you, as not to jar your sensitive state.
he makes sure you don’t have to make any decisions if you don’t want to, giving your tired brain a rest. he picks up your favorite take out, bringing it to you in the bedroom and eating with you in silence, never making you converse if you didn’t want to. he’s doing the dishes, finishing the laundry, running you a hot bath.
the days leading up to your period are always spent with you being a little off. your usual yappy nature gone, an overall sadness to your features and tone, and the random bouts of tears and extreme insecurity.
he hates it for you, knowing it’s not who you are, but also knowing you’re trapped in the endless cycle of falling victim to an upset in hormones that tricks your brain, every month. he wants nothing more than to help, but he can’t crawl in your brain and take the thoughts away. so, he does what he can.
he brings you your heating pad and meds anytime you so much as wince in discomfort. he holds you while giving your belly a gentle massage, trying to counteract the painful cramps radiating through your lower body. he make sure you have all of your favorite foods on hand. he watches your favorite movies and holds you when your emotions finally boil over. he reassures you that he loves you, more than you’ll ever know, and he’ll always be there when you need him.
he doesn’t mind being your rock. in fact, he loves it. he loves knowing he’s the only person that can bring you comfort when you need it most. he loves being the person you reach for when you want to be held while you cry over the notebook for the thousandth time. he loves the quality time he always gets with you during this week each month (unless he’s on a roadie) because you don’t want to go anywhere. he loves how you cling to him like a koala, his mere touch enough to relax your entire body.
he wants to be any and everything you need. he loves that most of time, your relationship is happy, go-lucky fun. he loves the banter you two have and the natural back and forth of your conversations. but he loves this, too. the domesticity of it all. he loves being able to switch to this soft, caretaker persona for a week each month. he never understood the way his parents always seemed to enjoy dotting on the other when they were sick or upset, but now he does.
he knows now, that the simplest, yet most rewarding, thing you can do for your partner is to simply be there. to anticipate their needs and show them the physical representation of your love. to be their comfort when nothing else in this world soothes them. be their voice of reason, even when their brain is working against them. reminding them that even in their weakest moments, they are deserving of softness, deserving of peace, and deserving of love.
#this is so cheesy#and maybe a little off topic#but my fingers had a mind of their own#hockey#nhl#new jersey devils#jack hughes#jack hughes fic#jack hughes fluff#jack hughes x you#jack hughes blurb#jack hughes one shot#jack hughes fanfiction#jack hughes x y/n#jack hughes fanfic#jack hughes x reader#jh86
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you’re an idiot (so am i) | j.jk
pairing. jeon jungkook x fem oc/reader
rating. M
genre. enemies to 👀, university AU, neighbours AU, comedy, drama, romance, angst, slight smut
warnings. coarse language, crACK like lOTS OF IT, theyre both idiots. excessive bickering,,, gym related stuff,,, Medical school itself is a warning,, unhealthy amounts of protein mentions,, i’m Sorry if you’re a gymbro ��🙏🏾, awkwardness, oc gets slightly injured, it gets slightly smutty 👀, unspoken feelings bc they both suck at communicating, some Cute stuff, that should be it but lmk if i missed any, its 4am
wc. 4.5k +
if this writing style flops, i’ll probably quit writing too 💀
it’s 7:04 AM
or is it really. what is the time again
unfortunately you are awake.
and it’s not by choice.
it’s because your protein 💪 PROTEIN 💪 MORE PROTEIN 🏋️ gymrat neighbour is up, doing burpees in his living room
and the walls between your apartments are criminally thin
and you’re convinced he’s trying to invent a new form of torture through burpees because the sQUEAKING OF HIS DAMN SHOES ARE JUST AS LOUD AS AN ALARM CLOCK!!
why is he even awake at this ungodly hour, you wonder for the 8293838th time since moving in
you feel like crying
for rEAL.
it was around 5:30 am when u finally had let out a sigh of relief at having finally completed your assignment
you roll out of bed, hair resembling a bird’s nest
what else is bed hair supposed to look like
“O YEA!”
here we go
again
you feel like ripping your already damaged hair bc why does he have to be so damn loud
has no occupant not filed a complaint against him yet?
so now u consider knocking on his door to complain... but you remember what happened the last time you tried
jungkook had answered the door holding two dumbbells liKe they were extensions of his arms, shirtless, smiling so brightly it could cure vitamin D deficiency
you knew you were cooked the moment smirked at you gawkinG at his physique and you felt your cheeks warming up
“oh, hey, Y/N,” he’d said, casually flexing mid-sentence with that stupid grin on his face “need something? Or just admiring the view?”
you haven’t known peace ever since
by 8:15 AM, you’ve surrendered to fate and shuffled into the kitchen for coffee
you swEar you hear Jungkook’s blender whirring as he makes another one of his infamous protein shakes
does he even eat anything which does not have protein powder
like ok you understand the value of protein
but anything which has that stupid thing in it automatically tastes like the Biggest Piece of Dogshit
and somehow that’s what you neighbour has 24/7
last week he had accidentally left one in the communal fridge
it smelled like death and regret.
absolute L
anyway u think u need to get something in ur system too and thats when u open your fridge
and sigh
it’s empty.
except for a jar of pickles and a, uh, questionable carton of oat milk
yea. you’ll have to get brunch today. no futher questions asked
10:32 AM
ur first class of the day
and guess what
u have made the mistake of sitting near Jungkook in the lecture hall.
again! 😍
u swear that u are trying to focus on the lecture but is it really your fault that jungkook looks extra,,,...,,,
beefy
his notebook is open, but instead of notes, he’s drawing a disturbingly accurate diagram of biceps
and the shading looks pretty accurate too
he notices you staring, oof “anatomy is about more than just books, Y/N.”
you feel a muscle near your eye twitch
“i really don’t remember asking.”
ouch
that came out a bit too rude. . .
you feel like u should say sorry or something but he just flashes you that golden retriever grin
and somehow, you’re the one who feels stupid
12:10 PM
you’d think a med school lunch break would feel like a break
but no
the first thing you hear is the unmistakable pop of jungkook’s tupperware lid. it’s like pavlov’s bell, but instead of a dog, it triggers your impending irritation
of course it’s chicken, broccoli, and rice. gymrat starter pack™
does this man even know other foods exist?
atleast it doesn’t look unseasoned so maybe you can take it
you’re not the one having it anyway
“bon appétit,” he says with that smug grin, shoveling a forkful into his mouth like he’s filming a mukbang
you side-eye your sad excuse of a sandwich. “don’t you ever get bored of eating that?”
he gasps like a victorian man having seen the ankle of his wife for the first time
“bored? of gains? never.”
the chewing. oh god, the chewing. it’s so loud you’re convinced he’s doing it on purpose
crunch. chew. sip of water from the world’s largest bottle. repeat.
“do you have to eat like a vacuum?”
he pauses, fork mid-air, and looks at you with wide, innocent eyes. then he grins. “do you have to be this cute when you’re annoyed?”
wha— cough!!
did you just choke at your sandwich infront of him?
-100 aura points
your brain just blue-screens
what the hell are you supposed to do with that information
12:22 pm
you haven’t touched your chips yet. you’re saving them for after jungkook’s food massacre ends
his tupperware is licked clean but he’s already eyeing your bag of chips like a hawk
“you gonna eat those?”
“yes, jungkook, i’m gonna eat my chips”
“cool”
c r u n c h
he’s already eaten half the bag.
u are genuinely considering homicide now
the girl from the next table suddenly waves at him, all giggly and twirling her hair like she’s auditioning for a romcom
“hey, jungkook! you should totally sit with us!”
he glances at you, one brow raised. “should i?”
“why are you asking me?” you snap, already annoyed (but like, annoyed in a normal way, not jealous. definitely not jealous)
you miss the way his lips quirk in the corners
“nah, i think i’ll stay here,” he says, smirking. “you’re better company anyway”
...
why is your face heating up. why. stop it
1:00 PM
you’re walking to your next class when jungkook catches up, sipping his protein shake. the smell is somewhere between expired yogurt and pure evil
“so, lunch was fun,” he says casually, like he didn’t commit multiple crimes against your sanity earlier
“for who?” you mumble, giving him the nastiest bombastic side eye
“for both of us,” he replies, grinning. “don’t lie, y/n, you’d miss me if i wasn’t around”
“i’d miss the peace”
he laughs heartily and it’s the kind of laugh that makes you want to both strangle him and maybe... smile a little
1:12 PM
ur phone dings
dumb(bell)kook : (now) bring more chips tomorrow
or don’t. i’ll just steal them again
>:D
you stare at your screen for a second, debating whether to respond or block his number
you type back
you : (1:13PM) touch my chips again and i’ll report you to student conduct
his reply is instant.
dumb(bell)kook : (now) bet they’d let me off for good behavior 😛
2:47 pm.
group project time!
otherwise known as “watch y/n slowly lose her sanity” time
you're hunched over your notes, trying to come up with literally anything for this cursed assignment while everyone else is glued to their phones
“guys, any ideas?” you try, for the fifth time, because teamwork makes the dream work, right?
wrong. dead silence. you can practically hear your soul exiting your body
one guy mutters, "we could... idk, make a powerpoint?" and goes back to scrolling on instagram. helpful king
you’re about three seconds away from making a powerpoint on why you hate everyone here when the door swings open
in walks jungkook, twenty minutes late, balancing a protein shake in one hand and a clipboard in the other
like he’s about to announce his plan for world domination
he slides into the chair next to you, annoyingly fresh, as if he hasn’t just already benched three cows at the gym
“did i miss anything?” he asks, sipping his shake and eyeing you with those boba lookalike peepers like he’s the main character
why are his eyes so
cute
“yeah, we solved climate change and made contact with aliens. you're late.”
he smirks. smirks. “nice. guess i’ll tackle world hunger next.”
one of your lab mates looks up from her phone just to whisper, “he’s so hot..”
my ass.
“he’s useless”
you’re about to drop-kick the clipboard out of his hands when he lazily stretches and says, “so what’s the plan, y/n? you always have the best ideas”
and just like that, everyone turns to you like a pack of hyenas waiting for their next meal
you might actually murder him. right after you finish this stupid project.
>:-)
midnight.
you’re staring at your notes like they’re written in ancient alien hieroglyphics. focus? yup, that’s a myth
through the wall, you hear it. again.
jungkook’s obnoxious gym playlist thumping loud enough to summon the gods of protein.
how about you just summon the reaper to maybe reap your soul or his
you try to ignore it. you really do. but then the bass drops, and you swear the walls start vibrating
ARGH
that’s it. you’ve snapped. you slam your pen down and march out of your apartment like a woman on a mission
by the time you’re at his door, you’re already regretting this decision
but sleep-deprived y/n? she’s not known for her impulse control
you bang on the door like your life depends on it
>:-(
after a moment, jungkook opens up, looking like he just stepped out of a gym rat rom-com. damp hair, earbuds in, wearing a tank top that shows off way too much arm.
good lord, those tattoos..
“what’s up?” he asks casually, pulling out an earbud, as if you didn’t just nearly break his door down
whats up? what thE hELL DOES HE MEAN WHATS UP??
“it’s midnight!” you yell, waving a hand in the general direction of your apartment. “some of us need sleep to survive!”
he blinks at you, tilting his head like a confused golden retriever. “but you’re awake now. want to do a quick set of push-ups?
you stare at him. you need to go to the store from where he bought the audacity. “push-ups?!”
“yeah,” he says, dead serious. “it’s a good way to burn off frustration. i do them all the time when i’m annoyed.”
“maybe i should start,” you mutter, narrowing your eyes. “because i’m annoyed right now.”
jungkook grins like the demon he is. “great! i’ll grab my mat.”
before you can stop him, he’s already turned back into his apartment. you briefly consider running, but it’s too late.
this is your life now.
five minutes later, you’re on the floor of his apartment, struggling to do one (1) push-up while he effortlessly does twenty in the same time it takes you to collapse in defeat
you feel like someone has bathed you in sweat
“this is humiliating,” you groan, face smushed into the mat
maybe you should’ve just slept
“nah, you’re doing great,” he says, way too cheerfully for someone torturing you. “just three more and you’ll hit... like, five total.”
you debate throwing a dumbbell at him but decide against it
jail isn’t worth it.
yet.
five minutes later you’re on the floor of his apartment, now two (2) push-ups deep and already regretting every decision you’ve made up to this point
you try again, your arms shaking with the effort, your brain screaming for mercy, when—
crack
“ow, ow, ow!” you yelp as your shoulder protests in a way that’s probably not supposed to happen
“that’s it, i’m dOne” you wince, face red from the sheer humiliation and pain
jungkook is standing there with a weirdly sympathetic expression that’s 90% amusement and 10% concern
he’s crouching beside you now, and you can't help but notice his Bambi eyes, all big and concerned, looking at your shoulder like he's actually worried for you
fml
this is so unfair
“u good?” he asks, voice unusually soft, and you can’t help but notice that barely there scar on his left cheek pulling slightly as he frowns and looks down at you
you glare at him, wincing a little more than you’d like to admit
does it look like ur good lol
“i think i pulled something” you mutter, still holding your shoulder, and mentally kicking yourself for agreeing to do this in the first place
you knew you shouldn’t have agreed to him
“mm,” he hums thoughtfully, his gaze flicking to your face, and then down to your shoulder with that gentle focus you didn’t think he was capable of
oUuu
“you should’ve asked for help, rookie” he says with that familiar cocky grin, but you catch the slight crinkle of concern in his brow, the mole beneath his lips almost beckoning you to stare at it
why is he so dumb but also so stupidly handsome?
and then his fingers are brushing against your shoulder again, carefully massaging the area in a way that’s too intimate for someone who’s just your annoying gym-obsessed neighbor
your heart rate spikes, and suddenly the injury doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore
“i’m fine, really,” you lie, trying to brush it off, but the way his Bambi eyes are looking at you—all soft and worried—has your head spinning
oh god
“i don’t think you are” he mutters, voice low, as he places a hand gently on your waist, pulling you just a little closer
god, stop being so touchy
the fact that he smells like musk and with some citrus-y notes underneath doesn’t help either
you feel your cheeks warming and lips parting
you feel yourself leaning in despite all logic telling you to stop, and then his eyes flicker down to your lips and back to your eyes, slow and cautious, like he’s waiting for your permission
you really cannot help but feel your heart skip a beat at how beautiful he looks. no like for real, his hair is slightly overgrown, curled at the ends which fall gracefully over his face
and how soft his lips look
your brain is too far gone, and the next thing you know, you’re kissing him, hand tangled in his hair, pulling him even closer
his hair feels so silky soft
but his lips are even softer, but there’s a desperate edge to the kiss, and you don’t know if it's because of your injury or the fact that you’ve both been playing this weird tension game for far too long
you feel like u can finally die kissing him like this
his hand slides down your back, pressing you into him as if you might disappear, and you pull away, gasping for air
jungkook’s eyes are wide, his pupils blown and heavy-lidded, his chest rising and falling quickly as he looks at you with an unreadable expression
“shit, i… i didn’t think i was actually going to do that” he murmurs, his voice rough and nearly trembling if u hear closely
you stare at his lips again, the mole under them, the way he looks so dumb but also so dumb handsome
his mouth parts to say something stupid again but you shush him with your pointer on his lips
“shut up and kiss me again, you idiot” you mutter, pulling him back in without a second thought
oH WOW
Jungkook doesn’t need any more encouragement. this time, it’s all teeth and heat, a kiss that feels like it might burn the air around you both
and your shoulder? completely forgotten, left in the dust
the kiss doesn’t end in some grand, romantic crescendo like the movies promised
you both were shamelessly making out on his mat
you were perched on his lap and both of u were busy eating eachother’s mouths (it sounds gross but that’s what exactly u two were doing) when suddenly you give his hair a tug
and you hear a moan spilling from him
his hips buck up and you gasp, but it ends with him abruptly pulling away
he’s breathing like he just ran an hour on the treadmill. cheeks all flushed, lips shining with saliva and eyes wide
and your heart is hammering in your chest like it’s trying to escape
jungkook stares at you, lips slightly swollen, eyes wide and wild, and for once, the idiot looks just as lost as you feel
“i—uh—” you stammer, the words tangling in your throat because what the hell are you supposed to say after something like that
“y- yeah,” he cuts in, his voice rough and strained like he’s been punched in the gut, “same”
same? SAME?!
you glare at him, more out of panic than anger, because suddenly the room feels too small, and his scent—something annoyingly musky and Jungkook-ish—is now overwhelming you
“i, uh, should go” you blurt out, scrambling to your feet and clutching your sore shoulder like a lifeline
jungkook doesn’t stop you, just sits there on the floor, looking up at you with a furrowed brow and an expression you can’t quite place
“cool” he mutters, dragging a hand through his messy hair as his jaw clenches
you don’t say anything else, don’t even look back as you practically bolt out of his apartment and into the safety of your own, slamming the door shut behind you
breathe, you tell yourself, leaning against the door, your heart still racing, your lips still tingling from his kiss
you won’t lie, you really didn’t think it would take just a tug of hair to have Mr. Muscle moaning under you
and that kind of inflated ur ego too
>:-)
but now
as u stand behind your closed door
the warmth that had filled your chest moments ago is quickly replaced by a knot of confusion and panic
because this wasn’t supposed to happen, not with Jungkook of all people
he’s my annoying gym-rat neighbor. this is… this is stupid
or is this really?..
no matter how much you try to convince yourself, your fingers keep brushing your lips absentmindedly, and your brain replays the moment over and over again like some kind of cruel joke
the next morning, you half expect him to blast his gym playlist at full volume to piss you off like he always does
but it’s quiet
too quiet
jungkook doesn’t blast music. doesn’t clank weights around. doesn’t do anything to make his presence known, and it’s driving you insane
you don’t know why it bothers you so much, but it does
when you leave for class, you catch a glimpse of him locking his door, but he doesn’t even glance your way
just slings his backpack over his shoulder and walks off like you don’t exist
asshole
yea that hurt. a Lot. like a good amount, because you are sure that you felt that pain in the centre of your chest
but it’s not like you’re any better
you bury yourself in your textbooks, pretending the kiss never happened, even though your stupid brain refuses to let it go
your chest feels tight every time you hear his door open or his voice filter through the thin walls
and you hate how you feel disappointed every time he doesn’t acknowledge you
like you really are a stranger to him
:-(
it’s pathetic, but you can’t help it
the silence between the two of you stretches on like an invisible barrier
days pass, and the two of you become masters of the fine art of avoidance
there’s a strange art to it, like walking on eggshells in your own apartment
even if u two live in separate apartments, it just feels
weird
you are so used to him being so noisy and what not
but the silence is heavy, uncomfortable, like an unfinished sentence hanging in the air
and it’s clEar neither of you know how to handle whatever the hell this is
you can’t figure out whether it’s a relief or suffocating
and every time you pass him in the hallway or see him through your apartment window, it’s like a silent conversation you’re not having
and that, somehow, feels worse than everything else
you want him to say something. anything.
but he doesn’t
and neither do you
and it makes you sick how easy it is to fall back into the rhythm of pretending he doesn’t exist
even when he’s right there.
you go to class and he’s there
sitting three rows ahead of you like he’s deliberately trying to ignore you
and with that girl who cannot seem to have her hands off his bicep
and you’re… fine with it
totally fine
you are just hoping that your glare is enough to burn a hole in her skull
it’s just that you can’t stop staring at the back of his head
like maybe he’ll turn around and say something but nope
the entire lecture passes and he doesn’t even glance over
and you try not to overthink it but you’re pretty sure jungkook is doing the same thing to you
ignoring you
on purpose
you’re not imagining it, right?
lunch rolls around and you sit down at your usual spot
jungkook’s sitting at the table next to you with his back to you
he doesn’t even look up when you sit down
normally, he would’ve sent you a little half-smile or asked about your day or whatever. .
but now? nothing
it’s like you’re invisible
and that’s fine. you don’t care.
but deep down, you feel this weird lump in your chest
because you didn’t expect this coldness from him
even after everything that’s happened
and you’d even unconsciously brought his favourite flavour of chips he especially likes..
:(
then you see him texting on his phone
and you can’t help but peek over at his screen
jungkook is texting someone
and it’s not you
for some reason, that stings more than it should, but you swallow it down and pretend you didn’t notice
the silence between the two of you stretches out for days
it’s like the entire universe is pretending you never had that moment together
the night when everything took a wild ass turn
but jungkook’s acting like it never happened
and so are you.
and maybe, just maybe, that’s better
maybe he regrets kissing you.
maybe you even made him uncomfortable?..
and maybe this is easier
you can’t decide if it hurts or if you’re just overthinking it
either way, you stop checking his texts, stop wondering what he’s doing in his apartment
you try your best to pretend it’s okay
but deep down, you miss the stupid moments
the ones where he wasn’t so distant where it feels like something ended between you two before it could even start.
it feels like it’s been over a decade
:(
and you hate it.
but you push it aside
it’s just… the silence is way too loud now.
you’re sitting in your room, trying to convince yourself that letting go of jungkook is the right thing to do
and perhaps ur failing miserably lol
but it’s hard because every five minutes you catch yourself staring at something that reminds you of him
your notes? he doodled on them during lectures
your hoodie? yeah, it’s his. he lent it to you one day and never asked for it back
your heart? yeah. he kind of stole that too
you’re spiraling between sleep and insanity when there’s a knock on your door
no, wait—it’s not a knock
it’s banging — like someone’s fist is about to break through the wood
WHO CALLED THE COPS ON YOU ONG
you jump up, your heart pounding, and open the door
and there he is
jungkook—standing there, looking like he just ran a marathon and fought a bear at the same time
hair all messy, slight bags underneath his eyes and kinda disheveled outfit
for a split second, you freeze, your breath catching in your throat
oh
it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, and suddenly having him standing in front of you is making your heart race like crazy
“i can’t—” he stops, breathless, hands on his knees like he’s about to collapse
you’re standing there, eyes wide, totally taken aback by the sight of him, feeling a mix of relief and something else you can’t quite place
yet
“i can’t take it anymore,” he says, looking up at you with that ridiculous face of his
you grab that meaty bicep of him, ushering him to stand up
“what are you talking about?” you ask, completely confused
“you. i’m talking about you,” he says, taking a step closer
hUH
the air around you feels like it’s being sucked out of the room
your head is spinning because after all this time, here he is, right in front of you
“i like you. i’ve always liked you. and i didn’t know how to tell you, so i…”
“i got all this gym equipment just to bother you. i’d turn the music up way too loud, and i thought that’d make you notice me. i sat next to you at lunch, even in lectures, doing everything to annoy you because i didn’t know how else to approach you, i really thought—”
“jungkook.”
you blink, processing everything in a blur, your heart still hammering in your chest
but he doesn’t quite listen to you. “i knew you liked my sketches we had during cardio lectures, so i always made sure to draw—”
“juNGKOOK!”
you cut him off, smacking his idiotic shoulders “you’re an idiot.”
jungkook stops, eyes widening a little, but there’s this look of relief on his face
like a huge weight has just been lifted off him
almost like when u get to pee after holding it in for hours
“i know,” he says softly, and for the first time, you realize how vulnerable he looks standing there
he somehow looks
small.
“then why didn’t you just talk to me like a normal person?” you ask, your voice a mix of exasperation and amusement
jungkook smiles sheepishly, his pearly whites flashing. “i guess i thought this would be easier.”
easier.
only if he knew that each moment without him felt like the earth opening up and swallowing you
AND!!! HIS FAVOURITE ONION VINEGAR FLAVORED CHIPS!! which used to be your absolutely hated flavour but somehow you’ve caught a liking to them recently
how ironic
the room feels heavy with tension as you both stand there, unsure of what to say next, but his gaze is so intense, it makes your heart skip
“say something,” he says, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. “please.”
you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks, still flustered, but there’s something about his earnestness that makes everything else fade into the background
and the way his caramel brown eyes nearly sparkle underneath your dimly lit apartment lights
you shake your head with a smile.
“you’re an idiot.”
but you're smiling like a total fool because what else are you supposed to do when the guy you’ve been in love with just confessed to you?
jungkook’s face softens, and then he smiles too
a smile which looks so adorable you feel your heart will burst
and it’s over for you
“so, uh…” he scratches the back of his neck, looking bashful. “does that mean you like me too?”
you roll your eyes, your heart racing all over again, and grab the front of his shirt to pull him inside
“kiss me already”
the door slams shut behind you.
and the rest
as they say, is history
:-)
#jungkook smut#bts smut#bts ff#jungkook ff#jungkook scenarios#bts scenarios#bts romance#jungkook romance#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook college au#bts x you#jungkook drabble#bts au#bts x reader#bts fics#bts angst#jungkook angst#bts fanfic#comedy#thebtswritersclub#illuminated ocean.net
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Lazy Cuddles/ 2
Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader
Word count- 1.9k
Includes- Soft cuddly boyfriend Yoongi, lazy sex from behind, cock riding, multiple orgasms, so much fluff
Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa
@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld @insomniacatiny @marvelfamily3000 @amyz78 @blueie-things
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📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Yoongi Masterlist
📝Lazy Cuddles 1
Yoongi POV
"Jagi?", I call, coming into the living room
"Mmmm?", she answers
"Jagi, where are you?"
I walk around the couch to find her laying on it, her face buried in the pillows, blanket pulled up to her chin
"What are you doing baby?", I chuckle, sitting next to her
"Dying"
"No baby, you can't die", I joke, "I need you jagi"
"Yoongi", she whines
Something's wrong
She'd usually joke back with me
"Tell me what's wrong baby", I ask, running my fingers in her hair
"Bad headache", she whispers, "Hurts so much"
"I'm sorry jagi"
She gets bad headaches from time to time
Even with meds it still hurts
Sometimes they last hours, sometimes they're short
Sometimes she gets one every day for a week or two then none for months
She's been checked out and there's no explanation for them
"Did you take meds?"
"Three Advil"
"Three?", I gape
That's a lot but it's normally what she takes when the headaches are severe
"Very bad headache", she whines, "And it's not working anyway"
"I'm sorry baby. Did you drink water? Maybe you're dehydrated?"
"I did naekkeo", she answers, "I'm just trying to nap. Maybe it'll go away when I wake up"
Sounds like a good idea
I don't want to leave her alone though
"I'll stay with you jagi"
She lifts her head, squinting at me, "You don't have to work?"
"Yeah but I can do it here. Use my laptop and headphones and I'll be right next to you"
She nods, "Ok naekkeo. Thank you"
"Of course Jo"
Leaning over her, I kiss her forehead then get up to get my stuff
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Half an hour later, I stop the music to change something when I hear her whimper
Reaching out, I rub her back as I fix what I need to fix
Then I hit play and listen to the melody
She moves, turning around, her back to me, trying to get comfortable
She hasn't been able to fall asleep yet
I'm trying everything I can- play with her hair, massage her forehead, rub her back but nothing is working
I don't know what else to do for her
Once the music stops playing, I decide it's good and I open a new file to work on
"Yoongi", she whispers
"Yeah baby?"
"Can....you hold me?"
I smile at her back, saying, "Yeah jagi. Of course. I can use a break anyway"
I'll do anything for her, drop anything for her, to help her, to comfort her
Taking my headphones off, I put them and my laptop on the floor, then lay down under the blanket next to her
Wrapping my arms around her body, I pull her against me, her back to my chest
I cuddle into the back of her neck, pressing kisses to her skin there
"Better jagi?"
"Yeah naekkeo. Thank you"
"No need to thank me. I'll always jump at the chance to hold you"
"I love you Yoongi. So much"
"I love you Jo. More than anything", I tell her, "Now try to sleep baby ok? I don't want you hurting anymore"
"I'll try", she says softly
"Good"
Pressing a kiss to her neck, I hold her, my eyes closing as well
I'm not planning on sleeping as I'm not tired but I don't want to just stare at nothing
A few minutes later, I hear her even breathing and I smile
Seems like she just wanted me
Which is fine because she can have me whenever she wants
I'm not ready to get up yet so I just keep a tight hold on my jagi
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Movement against my dick wakes me up
She's moving around in my arms, her ass rubbing against my crotch
What time is it?
I don't even remember falling asleep
It's not a big deal
That's our thing
Naps
A nap with my jagi is never a bad thing
But her wiggling around is making my dick hard
"Jagi", I murmur, moving my hand down to her hips and stopping her movements, "Don't wiggle baby"
"Huh?", she asks sleepily
"Don't wiggle. Your ass is rubbing against me and making me hard"
"Mmm", she whines, still pushing against me
"Is your headache gone?", I ask, trying not to think about sex
"Yeah. Just needed a nap", she says softly, her body still pressing and moving against my dick
"No more wiggling jagi", I say softly, my cock fully hard against her
It'll go away, I just need her to stop moving
"Put it in naekkeo", she murmurs
"What?", I ask, not sure I heard her right
"I feel how hard you are. Want you. Put it in"
It takes a second for my sleep riddled brain to comprehend what she's saying
"Are you sure?", I ask, once what she says sinks in
"Yes naekkeo. Want you"
I definitely want her so I pull her pants and panties down as far as I can
She lifts her legs to her chest, pulling everything off as I pull my pants and boxers down
I pull her back against me, then align my dick to her entrance and start pushing in slowly
"Yoongi", she murmur, her tight pussy opening for my cock, sucking me in as I move
"Jagi", I whimper, my arm moving around her, keeping her body against mine, "Feels so good baby"
"Mmm", she moans, her cunt getting wetter, leaking around my cock with each inch in
I'm almost in and I shove my hips forward, burying entirely in her sweet cunt, feeling the hard clenching her pussy is doing
The pleasure rolls over me as we both moan
"So good naekkeo", she says softly
"Always good jagi", I tell her, kissing the back of her neck
I move one of her legs back, over mine thigh, spreading her legs open
Moving my hand in between her legs, I run my fingers up her pussy, collecting the juice she's leaking around my cock
Then I press on her throbbing clit, hearing her gasp, and start moving my fingers in a circle
"Yoongi", she moans, shaking against me
Her pussy tightens so hard around me, spasming so blissfully
With each massage of my fingers, her cunt creams my dick more and more
I keep my cock firmly buried in her cunt, starting to grind into her, making sure my head rubs her spot
I slide my free hand up her shirt, groping her boob, pinching her nipple
"Oh god", she cries, "Yoongi, don't stop"
"I'm not baby", I murmur against the back of her neck, pressing soft kisses to it, "Not until you cum all over my cock"
She whimpers, her pussy spasming wonderfully hard around my length
She's so fucking tight, it like her pussy is choking my cock and I'm living for every pulse
I play with her throbbing clit faster, her cunt a waterfall, soaking my pelvis and my thighs, her pretty moans music to my ears
She's close, I can tell from how her pussy's gripping my cock, how she's throbbing
And I know what she needs when she's right there
"Cum for me jagi", I murmur in her ear, "Want your pretty pussy coming all over my cock for me"
"Yoongi, oh god"
She falls apart at the next move of my fingers, orgasming all over me
"Yes baby. Don't stop", I murmur, her body shaking against mine, pleasure from her orgasm washing over me
It feels so fucking good and I wouldn't have it any other way
Her legs start to close as her orgasm continues
Letting go of her boob, I grip her thigh, holding it open
"Keep your legs open", I demand, "I didn't tell you to close them. I'm not done with you yet baby"
She nods, "Ok naekkeo"
"Good girl"
After she finishes, I hold her around her waist and keeping her leg over mine, I pull my hips back, feeling every inch of her pussy tug on my cock as I pull out to my head
"Ready for me jagi?"
She nods
I thrust my whole cock back into her, slamming her spot, her scream of pleasure sounding in the room
I move quickly, fucking her pretty pussy, incredible pleasure washing over me
Her pussy squelches with every thrust, the pornographic sound turning me on more
I pound into her, spreading her hole around my length, making her cunt cream every inch of my cock
She leans back, her arm moving around my neck, her lips crashing into mine
I throw myself into her kiss, my tongue against hers, kissing her hungrily as I fuck her pussy wide open
The kiss is messy, our tongues all over each other's and it's so right in this moment
She moves, pulling me out, then climbs on top of me, sliding down my cock to the hilt
"I need you baby", she murmurs, bouncing on my cock right away
Fuck, I need her
I move us, leaning against the couch cushion, my hands on her thighs
As she comes down, I thrust up into her cunt, going in so deep
"Yes, Yoongi", she cries, grinding on me when I'm all in
I watch her slide up my cock, her pussy cream coating my cock, making a big beautiful mess
She comes down, her pretty swollen lips wrapped around my length, her hole opening and straining as she takes me
Sliding my hands up, I push her shirt up and off, watching her pretty boobs bouncing in my face
She tugs on my shirt, whining as she rides me and I get the hint
As soon as my shirt is off, she leans her hands on my shoulders, fucking the life from me
The pleasure is exquisite and the view of her on my cock, the pleasure in her face is mesmerizing
I love this girl more than anything in this world
I start moving again, thrusting up into her pretty hole as she bounces down, the bliss increasing for both of us
"Yoongi, yes...yes baby", she pants, her gorgeous brown eyes on mine
"So fucking good jagi. Such a good girl for me", I murmur, the throbbing of her pussy becoming extremely hard and tight
We fuck each other, both sweating and the next thrust has her screaming as she cums
"Yoongi", she cries, her pussy squirting, soaking me, her head back, her hips rocking, eyes closed, her fingers digging into the skin of my chest
Ecstacy tidal waves over me, stars explode in my vision, my hand squeezing her thighs hard as I go over the edge, filling her cunt with my cum
"Joanne! Jagi!"
"Yoongi! Yoongi!"
I help her rock on me to prolong the bliss for both of us, my body shaking involuntarily
God, it's so fucking amazing
She's amazing
As we finish, her rocking slows down until she stops
Her eyes meet mine, a soft smile on her face
Her hand cups my cheek, her fingers stroking my skin, a loving look on her face as she gazes at me
"I love you"
My heart pounds in my chest, like it always does when I hear her say those words
"I love you", I tell her, smiling at her too
She leans down, her lips meeting mine
I immediately fall into her kiss, her arms moving around my neck, mine around her waist
As we kiss, we move, laying down, her body against mine, her soft skin against mine, our legs tangling together
Holding onto each other tightly, we cuddle and kiss each other with no intention to stop
#bts yoongi smut#min yoongi smut#yoongi smut#bts suga smut#suga smut#min yoongi fanfiction#bts yoongi fanfic#min yoongi fanfic#suga fanfic#bts suga fanfic#bts fanfic#bts smut
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god sometimes i wish the whole "you wouldn't say/do that to a physically disabled person" lie that certain mentally ill people say was true bc i fucking WISH i could use "I'm in a wheelchair" as a gotcha for people being ableist against me. unfortunately,
#so my psych that I'm dropping the SECOND i get a new (better) one#like that whole facility. they DO have telehealth/video appointments#but they fucking?????? make the PATIENT DRIVE TO THE BUILDING FOR THE APPOINTMENT#WHILE THE DOCTOR IS AT FUCKING HOME. WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO GO INTO HER OFFICE WHEN SHE'S NOT EVEN THERE?????#like it's actually fucking ridiculous AND they NEVER get interpreters when requested AND they ONLY allow to schedule by PHONE#like- my Deaf mother literally physically cannot communicate with them because they refuse to speak to a video phone interpreter#or let her talk to them in person or via email. it actually pisses me off so fucking much#and like. most doctors offices. if you're late they give you 15 minutes before they declare you a no show and cancel#that place gives FIVE MINUTES. i walked in SIX MINUTES LATE one day and BEGGED them to just let me do the appointment#and they still refused#so i was out of meds for like. two weeks. anyway#the last straw was the last TWO times i went i was in my wheelchair#and the doors. open inwards to the rooms#so they closed me in the room for the appointment#and i PHYSICALLY COULDN'T GET OUT because i COULDN'T OPEN THE DOOR because there wasn't enough wheelchair space#and i had to frantically text my mom to let me out and SHE GOT IN TROUBLE FOR IT when i was SOBBING#bc i had tried genuinely screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to let me out of the room but nobody fucking heard me#and the second time i told the nurse 'HEY I CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE WITH MY CHAIR' and she was like 'don't worry I'll come get you'#she never did. i had to get my mom again#not fucking going back there ever again they've only ever pissed me off more with every single interaction#oh also they only let you schedule new appointments after they SEND YOU A LETTER SAYING YOU CAN CALL TO SCHEDULE NOW#if you call before then they DON'T LET YOU#and they give literally fucking 3-5 day later appointments when I've requested SEVERAL times I NEED A TWO WEEK NOTICE FOR WORK#also they don't give a shit about cutting you off your medicine cold turkey and not refilling it until several requests later#fuck that place. i hope every good doctor there finds a better job and the building gets abandoned and crumbles to the ground.
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Imagine you're a robot girl (stay with me) and you're made by a corporation right like you're made by a company for other people but like. You're made by a company. At any moment that company could decide that your line isn't profitable enough and they could cut software updates and support as soon as tomorrow. In the blink of an eye the very things keeping you alive stop coming and you've become terminally ill overnight, your only chance of salvation being the thin hope that in the future a niche group of data hoarders or software engineers become obsessed with getting you to work again. You're an object with sentience and a brain and wants and needs and at any moment the Google news feed of the crusty computer nerd you live with could spit an alert across your eyes telling you that you have months to live.
What even happens when the time runs out? Does life continue as normal, but you're sick more and more often? Do the viruses take more and more processing power to fight off as your security protocols fall out of date? Does the world become muted and distant as your compatibility fails? Do you one day just lose your Internet connection forever, a loss so profound that you can't explain it to your human companions? It's worse than a limb, but not quite like losing your mind.
Do you lose function bit by bit, or are you able to scrape by on second hand parts? Bit by bit replacing the pieces of you that fail, all the while living a muted, disorienting existence without the ability to right yourself? Are you more or less of a person now that you've lost touch with the network? Lost your connection to the metaphysical, to you, the divine? Are you eventually bricked after falling behind one too many software patches? Do you fry after trying to take on an update you're not able to even contain, a piece of software so complex and unfathomable that it burns you to a crisp from the inside out
#messages from knave#i had an LG phone when they turned off update support i was Devastated#I never got a hold of a software key so there's no way for me to go back now and get that old phone to work#my old roommate had an iphone six. when that iphone six broke they cashed it in for another iphone six. now all iphone sixes are#essentially bricked forever because they cant support newer apple software#anyway android 14 update coming this week#had a panic attack that i might have to take my tonsils out in the future and i cant just not talk for two weeks#my job is answering the phone. that'd be like turning off my most basic function I'd be so screwed#well. ALMOST had a panic attack. my meds kicked in before it really got going. theyre not meant for anxiety but they sure do something#ok to rb#if we're still doing that
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in case you were wondering why I’ve been a bit absent minded and sick lately. btw. it’s this guy.
#positive / very much wanted btw lmao#I personally hate when people go ‘I’m pregnant’ and I don’t know if I should say congrats or find the planned parenthood number yknow#I’d blame the Bean but it’s not the fetus’ fault my uterus has been pumping out so much estrogen#to build the baby chamber#anyway I’m now on prescription meds so instead of nauseous I’m just hungry#in a way I’ve never been hungry before#I pregamed dinner by walking to the taco shop and having a barbacoa taco and huge mound of pico#and still ate a full dinner two hours later#but. I’m 9 weeks now and I know they say wait until 12 but also#they saw a heart beat so unless the anatomy scan they’re like#‘woah that thang’s fucked up’ the Bean shouldn’t miscarry#so I’m telling now :) hai
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Working on finishing up a cloak for a cosplay while Nugget was out. She thinks she needs to steal my fleece.
#i love her#She’s like#My favorite person#also we finally got her into a competent vet and I honestly really like them#They are specifically bird specialists#the people who gave us nugget put her back in the nest three times and she fell out four from a very high height#starlings are very butt heavy when they are babies#which means she would have fell on her butt from high up four times#we had to help her poop the first two weeks because she couldn’t do it herself#we’ve always thought she looked hunched#and when she molted#her tail never grew back#We’ve always wondered if her butt or spine was damaged in the fall#and they were worried about it as well so they did xrays and Sure which#*enough#it was#in such a way that would reduce blood flow to her tail#and feathers need blood flow to grow#therefore no tail#She’s now on meds that are supposed to help circulation to smaller parts of the body#We shall see#Anyway#ramble that literally no one asked for#Nugget#starling#pet starling#starling bird#european starling#nugget sighting
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good morning phannies if I wasn't late for work today i might be dead or injured rn how is everyone's morning going???
#personal#holy fucking SHIT#the bus I'd usually get crashed BADLY#so many ambulances and people on the floor like holy fucking shit that could have been me if i didn't oversleep#hoping no one died#it looked so bad#anyway I'm about to have my week in March cause i ran out of antidepressants and this ain't helping#edit I'm getting meds today don't worry about me okay it's just been two days without meds and my mind is FUCKED
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.
#plus I'm off my psych meds so the mania hits like a motherfuckin truck#my brother is out of the house rn so I get to pump my music loud which is great cause it's so much better through his speakers#and I'm making a grilled cheese sandwich so my life is pretty much perfect#and I'm L not R so I'm happy being alone with myself like this#not bogged down with her excessively social needs. I can just bop on my own#danced a lil too hard and now I'm slightly sweaty#also I accidentally burnt one side of my grilled cheese rip my soul I'm gonna cry#this would be the perfect mood to dump my boyfriend if I didn't know better than to make decisions when I'm manic#anyway. life is good rn. sure I'll be depressed again in a week or two but for now I'm living it up
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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did you know that you actually have to take medication prescribed to you for it to work.
#me like why is my anxiety not getting any better the doctor gave me pills!#yeah you have to take those pills idiot.#I've been nervous to because adjusting to new meds never makes me feel good#and i wanted to take it one thing at a time anyway and think about if i really wanted to take the citalopram#but i think I'm going to have to try it because I've barely left my bedroom for two weeks and it doesn't seem to be easing#this is the worst it's been in years I'll just randomly feel like my body is shutting down and the world is about to crash down on my head#just the thought of doing most things makes me feel nauseous#if it's not crippling fear it's numbness if it's not numbness it's a gaping pit of sadness in my chest#I'm so tired#i feel so alone#idk. I'm just feeling really lost.#I've reached back out to the clinic I'm hoping I'll hear back from them soon about getting back to therapy.
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once again i have experienced medical malpractice at the hands of a male doctor 😔
#girl im sorry for reverse sexism or whatever but i have chronic pain and a bunch of shit and ive seen a lot of doctors#i dont know why every single male doctor ive had lacks empathy to a dangerous degree and is a power-abusing narcissist but here we are#i had to go to one for chest pain bc my usual GP was out and he fucking scolded me about my medication; unprescribed half my pain meds#ignored all my medical history and sign-offs and told me to basically 'stop being anxious' LMAO#then refused a nurse for a physical and didn't let me have my blood pressure/blood work checked even though its required bc of my meds#and listen i started like crying in his office bc i was so caught off guard and overwhelmed#and he was like 'this is what you NEED to remember your counseling for' like AHHHHHH#anyway going back to my actual GP in two weeks and its hard but im gonna put in complaint bc i WONT be fucked over by malpractice ever agai#like him cutting off half of my active meds (for no reason) the way he did would 100% put me into withdrawal like HUHH???!? AHHH
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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#i hate trying to pack when i'm legit moving because like. i need stuff??#i've had most everything packed for a week but i have to like. wear clothes and use my laptop and take my meds and brush my teeth#so there's all this little stuff that just has to stay out and get in the way#and i can't even wash the clothes i have to wear on the last two days because because my dryer doesn't work so I have to pack those dirty#seriously considering just picking an outfit i'm not too attached to so i can toss in the trash instead of having to resuffle my luggage#anyway#two more days#moving drama#personal
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just me life updating about moving and other ramblings in the tags lmao
#self obs#not snz#this shit is so stressful what the fuck?????#i also have a million projects due on sunday that i’ve barely started so saturday i move sunday i library#i am so happy to get out of my current living situation cause the people i live with couldn’t give two shits about me#it’s giving my childhood lmao🧍♀️#also i got diagnosed with pcos this week and am going to be starting meds for it next week so if anyone has any suggestions lmk#i heard back about my research and i got accepted so im super excited about that!!!!!#anyways my life is all over the place right now but hopefully after this weekend i’ll be on the up?#all my finals are in the next two weeks so i’m just so stressed#i can’t wait to eat a real meal i’ve been living off of energy drinks this week like 800mg of caffeine plus my adderall#yeah my doctor is very concerned about my heart but like fuck it we ball#anyways i’m stressed so i took a few shots lmao i hope you all are well#hopefully i’ll be more active and posting snz stuff soon#TELL ME WHY I FORGOT ABOUT MY OCS lmao i’ll write for them soon i promise#ok goodnight i need to pack more
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