#one of the longest weeks of my life
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The current principal is supposed to buy the staff breakfast today for teacher appreciation week but there’s an 85% chance homie forgot. The new principal sent out our room assignment for next year and he separated me and my mentor with an entire building, kicked the SocialCommunication SpEd Unit out of their specially designed room, kicked the science teachers from the labs and put an ELA teacher in them instead. The new principal currently runs the high school next door and we’ve just been watching him do a million activities to show appreciation for his staff and he refuses to step foot in the middle school. Not to mention the new principal yelling at us that he couldn’t make time to talk to us as his staff. In case you were wondering how teacher appreciation week is going for the ftc resident teacher.
#chow.txt#one of the longest weeks of my life#actually kinda sucks ass ngl#watching every other school in our district show genuine appreciation#and we get. uh.#buy one get one coupon for texas roadhouse.#and jeans day all week.
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About to do my first yoga class in almost three weeks, pls keep me in your thoughts
#I think this is the longest break in practice I’ve had since lockdowns#I only managed to do one class when my sister and nephews were staying with me#then obviously didn’t go the week I had covid#then was in regional nsw for court#October has just been 😵💫#hoping to reset life this week and get back to routine#on the plus side I think I’m going to post the reunion fic today too
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Is it just me or does almost every outfit in the sims 4 cottage living just seems like something Toriel would wear?
yeah that's just objectively correct tbh
pretty goat mum 💜✨
#holoskart asks#I gotta draw at least one of these outfits next soriel week for sure :'>#also speaking of cottage living. I swear that pack had something against my toriel sim for the longest time#bc the pack introduced a bunch of new pie recipes and a pie competition every few weeks. so Obviously toriel needed to win that#except the game absolutely refused to let her win for real life months on end#I have a screenshot where all 3 pies entered one time were the same type. toriel's was excellent quality vs 2 townies' normal quality pies#she still lost to them. and then when she finally Did win first place several tries later it happened in the dumbest way possible#she entered a pie. waited for hours until the competition ended. no result appeared so I gave up and sent her home#two in-game weeks pass. frisk is hanging out at their high school's football event. a notification pops up as the event ends#the result from the pie competition finally appears. during the wrong event and two entire weeks late. and then my game crashed#luckily everything turned out the same way and she still got the first place result but god. it was So Much#anyway this kind of nonsense is why I love the sims gjhdsfjgh
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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man i think claire should be more evil to the men in her life. which is why i'm making her ruin a marriage but she is correct. she is telling that man's wife about the baby (there is no baby anymore)(she is not well)
#oc: claire swanson#this is in relation to#when she found out the guy she was dating was actually married with a kid on the way. like. wife pregnant 34 weeks#and she only finds out about it because she gets pregnant herself and she's freaking out because she Doesn't know what to do#she had just turned 21 has not even finished her first undergrad and if her father finds out about it. well. heh.#and she has been dating this man for like. a while. it was the longest relationship she had ever had. so she thought like.#this guy is a lawyer and hes been my boyfriend for a while now. surely. he will be mature about this and will help me navigate this#and well that's not what happens <3 and he tells her she can't ruin his life like that. and i think she should do exactly that.#she deserves it. this one time she does ruin a guy's life purposefully#now about the pregnancy i do think this feeds into her issues w motherhood and the abortion is Not a happy moment to her#not because she wanted to be a mother (she DID NOT) but i think it's like. she has to deal w all this alone. not in a good headspace#it's very scary. and empty
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Roommate update, the horrors still make me wanna climb the walls, but the worst of them is swapping out in a few weeks...thank goodness...... 😭
#echo rambles#personal#my posts#for context cuz it's been the longest weeks in my life:#i'm in a 8 person dorm and the one i'm mentioning wanted to have her bf stay overnight every other weekend#on the couch in the common area. not in her room.... i wasn’t there for it but i overheard that they were very loud when she brought him 💀#it's against the rules too since she needs everyone's permission to bring him. but she asked everyone but me 💀#that and she pressured my own roommate + several of the others despite them expressing their discomfort#a few days ago she had a spat with one of them. got really mad saying she thought she was being nice and generous for asking....#in general she keeps saying how she's trying to accommodate everyone but no one does for her....#(which is a lie. my roomie and i both said we have sensitive ears and she blasts music and tv at max. brings/keeps guests past midnight)#i'm just completely baffled honestly.....
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#anyways hahahahaha#i know i literally just got to meet phil#after a LIFETIME fixation#and have so much fun at the show#and i know it was HUGE and so wonderful and im so grateful that i got to be there at all muchless meet them#and everyone was so nice to me even tho i didnt have much energy to give them#and i know it sounds stupid and whiny#but god#i am so FUCKING BURNT OUT#ive been riding on fumes for weeks#really for years but im at an exceptionally thin spot rn#and i cant get thru an hour without crying for no reason#im shaking with exhaustion no matter how much i sleep#and lord i sleep a lot lately#all of my hobbies and interests are just kinda there peripherally#nothing interests me and the things that do interest me exhaust me to even think about doing#its been work home work home work home in an increasingly agonizing cycle for the last little bit#and hey man idk if i can keep doing it#ive been working fulltime for 13 years#the longest ive been unemployed was 5 months (?) and not even consecutively#and i was still doing side jobs then#everything is passing in a haze because I have no energy to extend to it#its everything i can do to get myself up in the morning and drag through my work day#i was at the show last night. that ive been wanting to go to since i was 8#i got to meet phil after 16 years#i got to hug them both#and see a lovely show#and the entire time i just felt numb and exhausted and was aching to just go home and sleep so i could shut off#not to kink post on main#but i used to heavily lean on dom/sub dynamics so that i could have someone else be in charge for at least ONE aspect of my fucking life
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goddamn, i made it to monday
#i think this has been one of the longest weeks of my life ngl#honestly i should just take thursday off...#but i wont
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Hey guys! Life update since i haven't posted anything in some time
College started three days ago and
#like even trying to get into that school was literally one of the worst choises i have ever made in my life#its insane that they can just give you 40 assignments for a semester for a class you have one hour a week#and also that they can just keep you in there for 10 hours a day#and then pretend like 1 (ONE) hour of free time after school a day is enough#like how do you want me to balance 8am to 5:30pm (my longest day) plus an hour drive back home and a want for a healthy sleeping schedule#im not build to sleep 4 hours a day just because my school decided to torture me#and since it's an art school that mainly teaches graphic design and printing processes i get to huff chemichals every day all day#and then i get to pretend like im not sick and that my head doesnt hurt and that im totally not tired enough to keel over die on the spot :)#honestly i didnt even want to study there#i just needed to keep my student status before i go to the school i actually wanna go to#and i genuinelly didnt know that what i was told was “an extremely easy school” would turn out to be an actual torture chamber#specifically designed for people who studied digital design (me) and thought graphic design would be similar#anyways rant over#if you actually read this u a real one
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having vivid dreams about being hugged tight and warm by someone who is currently shitty to you like thanks brain 🙄
#I don't mean clear dreams I mean dreams where everything is hyper realistic and it all feels like the waking world#my subconscious is bleeding into my dreams in such unhelpful ways#and not just one time like legit two different nights and two different people#this sleep leaves me feeling off kilter‚ unrested and above all— feeling even worse because of the contrast.#Oh well it is what it is.#Soon this horrible year will end and maybe the next one will be better.#Honestly I objectively never had a worse year in my life lmao so I am heavily cautious about the following week.#Since I have a gut feeling like it might yet become worse just to finish on a strong note‚ lmao.#Ah well. Anyways. Cheers.#I suppose this is the longest I spoke about personal matters here in a while.#But well‚ any time I mention those things irl I'm told to just let it go and not think about it so. Lol.#buns.txt#idk if:#buns.tbd
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I'M FINALLY DONE WITH GOGO! FRESH PRECURE LET'S GOOOOO!
#precure#this has been the longest week of my life#i like yes5 and gogo but these characters can NOT carry a near hundred episode series on their own#there's like#no supporting cast in gogo#none#and i feel like it suffers for it#hell there's barely a supporting cast in yes 5#i didn't get bored with max heart because we still had a dozen or so recurring side characters for the girls to bounce off of#but in gogo we're focusing on the same nine characters and basically nobody else#no family no other friends no nothing#i don't think nozomi's parents even show up in gogo?? and i don't think her dad has been seen since the first or second episode of yes5#i think komachi's sister and rin's siblings show up a couple times?#urara gets a friend who shows up in one episode. that's something i guess#ooh! i watched gogo dream live too!#all stars i missed you!
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I love grasses so much did you guys know this
#hi I'm still alive :)#cell service is very rough + phone conserving battery life for more important purposes like#not dying on a trail. whew.#what a few days its been!#bison. sunrises. prairie dogs. hiking. greater understanding on microlevel of how national parks service the usa colonial project#rage. grief. awe. wonder. joy. contemplation of my existence within the beautiful tapestry of the world#it feels like. if my summer contemplations & growth in perspective got condensed into one week.#and. if I'm being honest#i think the longest conversation i've had in the past 24 hours was with a white tailed deer.
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God, what even is my "reasons this hasn't been updated in 4 and a half months" list anymore hfkshdj
I think we're at: wrote a smut fic, got a new girlfriend, got into bg3, quit my job I had for 8 years, my dad fucking died, got Throat Bleeding Disease, got into crochet, started watching way too much anime, got into Stardew Valley again...
🤔🤔🤔🤔 things sure have been busy, huh?
#speculation nation#One of these 🎵 is not like the others 🎵#well actually 2 of them are negative. but throat bleeding disease was just awful and sucky for like 2 weeks#ONE of these was a permanent and incredibly life changing event that left me traumatized in its abruptness!#im planning on expanding on it a little bit in my end notes. the above list is what im planning for my opening notes.#i know i dont owe anyone an explanation on why it's been so long. but. idk#i just wanna be upfront about it ykno? for people who may have been worried about me and all#also i kind of snapped at someone in the comments of the most recent chapter#after they just commented 'please update' & i was like 'my dad just fucking died so sorry if im not exactly quick rn'#& i feel a little bit bad for that lol. i mean their comment Was inconsiderate. but i doubt they meant anything bad by it.#but yea idk ITNL has just happened to be spanning the hardest year of my life.#from the end of may up until now. god i really hope the Year Of Death is over now.#and i hope this is the last abrupt hiatus due to an abrupt death/trauma in my life.#at 4 months it's the longest one. but that makes sense. given. ya kno. it's my dad.#itll be my birthday chapter. and ill want to hear birthday wishes.#but i guess i just wanna be. understood and heard. i want readers to know about my pain.#i wont go too in depth and all. but i dont want to keep it a secret.#my birthday chapter and my official 'my dad died lol' chapter. what a way to go.
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i have GOT to stop cursing myself for my mental health not being good, or for having literal human emotions, (as if i didn’t suffer a manic episode literally two months ago and i’m still recovering and healing from it)
#okay but literally why was february the longest month of my life and march was five seconds long?#and now april is going fast too#my dad has being going on about our holiday for like months and now it’s less than two weeks away#i’m anxious about it tbh#it’s my first big trip in like almost five years#and like i wanna go i wanna live my life#bc i know if i stay home i’ll regret it#but every time i think about going i feel a little nervous#for reasons that i don’t even really know#residual manic depression feels and the internalised ableism that *reallly* got bad during said episode is making me feel sick with nerves#a lot lately and i don’t know i want freedom and independence and a life and i’m trying so hard and ehhhhh#idk i repeat the same shit a lot but it’s a big problem but it’s not something i can change but that doesn’t mean i just stop feeling bad#about it#‘healing isn’t linear’ yeah fuckin tell me about it#idk if i dip in and out that’s why#not that most people would really notice or care#but if you’re interested yeah wow gwen’s off on a weird one again! big surprise!#i take the piss to cope but anywaysssss#just feel like a clown lately like ‘honk honk’ that’s me#said i wasn’t gonna curse myself for feeling bad then immediately did#i’m trying to unlearn that amongst many other things sighsssssssssss#anyways whatever
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#last night was the roughest night so far I think#it’s only been 4 nights and it feels like one of the longest weeks of my life#I miss him so much#prayers appreciated#for his family too
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Real real sad
#I had this whole plan to shoot a mini shot with one of my work crushes & he called out again I keep missing him#& I’m worried he’s trying to not work here anymore but I’m like not before I can get your phone number please 😭#I have such bad luck & it’s like???#I feel like my entire purpose in life is to love others but I have no one to give it to & it sucks#my own mother told me I was wasting my potential & it hurts to feel like a daughter they can’t even be proud of#I feel like a sink wanting to pour out to others & no one wants to get their vessel filled or fill mine#& I haven’t been sleeping well for over a week. I’m so done with everything#my closest/longest standing friendships suffered big blows last year too#I need a W so bad 😭😭😭
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