somanysarahs

[somanysarahs]

So, my boss and I are investigating a cheating case across the border in California.

We show up to this enormous mansion, it’s at the top of a hill. We get cleared through security, and after a drive up the extravagant tree-lined path the husband is waiting for us. He’s looking pissed as hell and for some reason he’s in a bathrobe. There’s an older brown Mexican woman standing beside him. She appears to be a housekeeper. We make eye contact.

The husband is already at a 10. “THANK GOD you’re fucking here! My wife, she-”

My boss quickly stops him from making a scene. “Let’s go inside and talk in private.”

So the husband leads us inside and takes us into a meeting room. 

“Tell us everything you know,” my boss asks as we sit. His voice is bored. The two of us have done countless cheating investigations. They kind of lose their drama after the eighth time you discover a husband with a secret porn ring or a wife with a lover in Australia.

“I told her to take a vacation so I could hire you guys while she was gone. I know my wife is cheating on me,” the husband is literally wringing his hands. “I don’t know who the guy is or how she gets him in past security, but they do it in my house. She’s acting so smug lately, like she used to after we… y’know. Sadly, we stopped being intimate after my doctor said-”

“Okay,” now I’m interrupting him. I do not want to know that information. “Have you asked any of your house staff what they know or may have seen?”

The husband rolls his eyes. “None of them speak English. How would I ask them anything?”

My boss just looks at me, exhausted. I get up to go find the housekeeper from earlier.

We immediately switch to Spanish.

“What the fuck is going on with that puto mierda?”

She’s been dying to tell me. “So the wife is cheating with the vice-president of the husband’s company. She sneaks him in through the window near the garden where there aren’t any cameras. They fuck in the wine cellar when cabrón is watching sports. They have been doing this for three years.”

I nod. “Do you have proof?”

“Just go to the ‘wine cellar.’The husband never goes down there. The only people that do are us and… you know.”

We go. As soon as I open the door I’m greeted with a VERY pungent smell and endless amounts of BDSM equipment. An A-frame, stocks, swing, it’s literally a sex dungeon. 

The housekeeper turns to look at me, pointedly. I’m in so much disbelief that the husband has never discovered all this in three years or bothered to ask his staff that I have no clue what to even say.

“I’m telling you this not because I care about the husband,” the housekeeper makes sure to clarify, “but because the wife is a piece of shit who underpays us and I want to see the husband possibly kill his best friend. I am old. It will bring me joy before I die.”

We return to the meeting room, and I must have looked off because both my boss and the husband stopped talking to look directly at me.

“Yeah, I have something that you need to see. And I’m going to have to charge extra for pain and suffering damages.”

Moral of the story: Watch Parasite the movie and never ever underestimate the fearsome power of a latina who hates your guts and loves telenovela

[somanysarahs]

I have to tell you about the Abuela on my street.

She is nearly 70 years old, with wonderfully brown gnarled, wrinkled hands and eyes that are creased from smiling. She hand-makes all of her own clothes and sews dolls for my little sister. Abuela is very lonely… her husband already passed and her kids live far away. She misses her grandkids. Abuela comes around our place for the company almost every other day.

So this morning, my little sister and I went to visit the Abuela to return the kindness of her vegetables with some homemade soup.

It’s a funny joke we have, that if you can make a perfect posole you are wife material. I was joking around with my friend beforehand to see if I was worthy of marriage, and my little sister thinks me failing is the best thing in life, so of course she wants to ask Abuela when we arrive.

We’re wearing masks and gloves and can’t give her the big hug like we want to, but Abuela is always happy to see us. We bring the pot of soup to her table. My little sis, the little shit that she is, immediately asks, “Abuela, is Reina ready to be a wife yet?”

And Abuela immediately shifts her entire mood. Her face literally becomes this:

Abuela’s look pierces through my heart.

“Who are you trying to impress? A man or a woman?” she asks, deadly serious. We have broached the topic of marriage. It is her domain now.

And I, Rei, gay as the fourth of July, cannot believe that either Abuela clocked me instantly or that she could possibly have a fascinating past of her own. 

I thought about lying, but my little sister was there and I don’t like to lie in front of her. So I was honest and said I was trying to impress a woman.

Without a response, Abuela carefully tries the posole. The room is silent.

“For a man, it’s good,” she says after a moment. “But, you’ll need to work harder to impress a woman.”

All I can do is politely nod. I have so many questions.

Now Abuela is tired. She wants to eat and relax in peace, so she waves us away. We make sure she’s settled, and then my sister and I go home.

I can’t believe my 70 year old Abuela said BI RIGHTS

[somanysarahs]

[somanysarahs]

day 19(?): boredom got way worse, trying to make myself a victorian friend

[somanysarahs]

a cat will see a tiddy, go "is anyone gonna step on that?" (meow meow meow), and not wait for an answer before thrusting their little kitty cat toe bean paw at terminal velocity DIRECTLY at the nipple... who the fuck needs a binder? just get a cat to pulverize your tit meat flat. they're playing DDR down there. making biscuits on those buns. testing the jiggle to wiggle ratio. fucking, I don't know, seeing if it will fight back? meow meow meow, I am just a little kitty and I am going to crush your boobie with my little wittle feet. no pain, no gain. meow meow meow.

[somanysarahs]

“Some friendships are so strong, they can even transcend lifetimes.”

I already know about the Sophia thing but I still cried at the first few minutes of the episode :’’))

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In other news, Anime Trending was forced to publish the Top 11-20 Couple/ Ships of the Week due to the Bakarina domination in the Top 10.

AHAHAHA why do I find this so funny??

[somanysarahs]

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my faves romantic korean novels

from left to right:

Lucia Death is the Only Ending for the Villainess You’ve Got the Wrong House, Villain

Remarried Empress I Died and Turned into a Cat Rather than the Son, I’ll take the Father

Who Made Me a Princess I Raised a Black Dragon The Symbiotic Relationship Between a Rabbit and a Black Panther

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Top 9 manhwa main female leads in the isekai genre - from our Shoujo and Josei discord server!

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‘I’m in Love with the Villainess’ Vol. 3 Cover Revealed and Fans are Freaking Out About this Yuri Family

On August 20, Inori revealed the cover of the third light novel in her fantasy Yuri series I’m in Love with the Villainess (Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou). The cover, illustrated by Hanagata, depicts protagonist Rei, her wife Claire, and their adopted daughters Mei and Alea. The third volume will be released digitally in Japan by GL Bunko on August 26.

The outpouring of fan support and excitement was almost immediate, with the series trending on Twitter in South Korea. There are exceptionally few Yuri stories that detail the two women raising children together, and none as popular or successful as I’m in Love with the Villainess, making this event a revolutionary moment in Yuri history.

I’m in Love With the Villainess is a Yuri isekai light novel series that follows office worker Oohashi Rei. After waking up in the body of the protagonist of her favorite otome game, Rei is delighted to meet her favorite character Claire Francois. There is just one problem, Claire is the main antagonist. Rei is determined to do whatever it takes to break the game’s rules and romance the villainous Claire.

A manga adaptation of I’m in Love With the Villainess premiered in Comic Yuri Hime in June. The manga is illustrated by Aonoshimo.

I’m in Love with the Villainess is licensed for English release by Seven Seas Entertainment. The first book is scheduled to be released digitally on September 24 and in paperback on November 10. The second volume will follow in early 2021.

You can preorder I’m in Love with the Villainess today: https://amzn.to/2EmaJ5T

Purchasing legally helps support publishers and creators. YuriMother makes a small commission from sales to help fund future coverage and content.

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Acchan!

This is probably the last time I'll ever see Acchan. My best friend ever since middle school... She's helped me out so much but because of that accident, I didn't have a chance to thank her or say goodbye.

Acchan! I'm so glad I got see you again! Goodbye!

I was truly happy, too. Thank you so much for always being there! This time, I'll always be by your side...as Sophia. Goodbye, and thank you, my precious best friend.

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Maria: I’ve never had a best friend.

Katarina: I’ll be your best friend!

Maria:

Maria: I’ve never had a girlfriend either.

[somanysarahs]

Otome Game no Hametsu Flag shika nai Akuyaku Reijou ni Tensei shite shimatta... GIRLS PATCH Chapter 8

[somanysarahs]

some outdated memes for hamefura to feed myself during anime off-season (1/?) ft. the Stuart Bros.