Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞
oooooooh this is so cruel, how dare you make me consider my fics this way?????
reflecting on this made me realize that a lot of my personal favs are actually my less popular ones. that makes sense, in a way; often my favorites are where i'm trying to express a really specific emotion or idea, which might not always resonate with people?
anyways, ordered from oldest to newest:
Eighteenth Summer (Do You Wish We'd Fall in Love?)
ambient, pining, sort of sepia toned vignette filtered lestappen. i remember really wanting to capture the ambiguity that comes with being 18 and finishing high school -- a new future looms even when you feel like you haven't finished living what you have now. very much being on a precipice, but with a happy ending :)
You Bring Me Closer To God
i literally fucking love this universe so much. even if the fic wasn't special, writing all the dynamics between the bandmates, between the bar flies, between oscar and lando... it was such a joy. i still think about writing more within Dirty Blondes all the time.
I Know Your Name (But Not Who You Are)
lestappen in grief! the passage of time! the fear that life has somehow stopped moving on but also changed more than you can stomach! wanting things from your childhood but having to accept that you can never go back! but perhaps learning that moving forward is beautiful, too! yet another one where i entered it trying to capture a specific feeling, and i think i managed to like... use the setting in a way that achieved that.
Someone in Seattle
i like this one because i managed to write a fic i'd love to read. i love fics that explore the soft, meandering development of relationships -- the ones where falling in love is a bit of a blurry line, and it happens just by the nature of truly Seeing each other. it's a love letter to my home, and i think of her very fondly.
Impasse of Biting
THIS IS THE ONLY FIC WHERE I FEEL LIKE I GOT EVEN CLOSER TO LIKE. SOMETHING YOU COULD ANALYZE. THERE ARE CHARACTER MOTIVATIONS! THERE'S SPECIFIC WORD CHOICE! THERE'S UNRELIABLE NARRATION AND COMPLICATED EMOTIONAL TIES! idk. it's one that i feel like each reader could come away with something wildly different, and (as someone who doesn't often deal in ambiguity), that makes me proud.
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Can we talk about how dogshit the jjk end is?
Like we've got the katana and sumo guys but we don't get a fucking explanation on the Gojo situation?!! Like we know that bro is dead currently in the manga (I STILL HAVE A TINY BIT OF HOPE) and nobody fucking grieves and don't care about him at all and shit, they literally mentioned him and grieved more for him when he was stuck in a goddamn box but now that he's six feet under nobody NOT EVEN YUTA OR YUJI GIVE A FLYING FUCK?! and the ONE time he is mentioned by kusakabe (dont even get me started on this dude) HE BLAMES HIM FOR EVERYTHING?!! LIKE WHAT THE HELL GEGE?!
Besides the Gojo situation that I am able to talk for hours on end about there is also the whole "Back to normal" thing with everyone and I am like BRO WHERE IS YOUR TRAUMA⁉️ Everyone came from one of the most traumatic ass battles and everyone is like they just came back from fighting a grade 4 cursed spirit. BRO TALK ABOUT IT, IT WASN'T A SIMPLE BATTLE DO SOME TRAUMA DUMPING ITS NOT BAD!!
ALSO, what the actual flip is going on? Why the anime that brought me to my knees, ripped my soul out of me, stepped on it, crushed as it was a mosquito, ends with a GODDAMN RANDOM MISSION FOR THE MAIN THREE😭 GIVE ME ANSWERS GEGE😡
And for everyone yapping about it being "disney kaisen" ahh I will PERSONALLY come and show you a sad ending. Because you know it really well that you were crying and begging for your favs to come back. And hell we deserve a Disney ending after that shit we've been through.
Now bring my blue eyed goat back bc if you're drawing Mei Mei's feet and bringing back the characters that we couldn't give less of a shit for you can and WILL bring one of, if not the best written character of this manga back.
I have a lot more to talk about in jjk so if you're interested in reading more lmk
P.S. I am a sane Gojo fan so if yall want to talk about him like normal people and analyze his character also lmk
Thanks for reading my yapping love yaa<3 Now I am off to read fanfics on Dadjo and Songumi and ignore the ending that evil cat is forcing me to accept.
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im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-
and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..
it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now
i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...
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i always tell my friends i dont want to talk about marineford/post war but then i realized thats the arc i talked about most and im just oopsies !! anyway uhh
one piece post war spoilers !!! analyzing luffy's behavior in post war and it's a bit of a heavy topic (suicide implications)
i've said what i wanted to my friends but i wanna see if anyone else thought the same or im just insane
so... when luffy woke up in post war, he immediately ran for it and screamed and cried looking for ace. but he's being haunted by that traumatic moment, akainu's fist through ace's stomach... ace breaking his promise, ace's embrace, ace talking to luffy as much as he can- until his last breath... ace's blood on his hands- "STOP IT!!!!"
it kept flashing in his mind and he's trying his damndest to get it away. by punching or headbutting whatever he sees. jinbe asked law what would happen if they left luffy alone like that:
luffy would die if he was left alone. of course, with ace's request, he couldn't let that happen. so jinbe goes and sees luffy.
after tuckering himself out, luffy is aware that this is reality and not some hellish nightmare. (looking back on the panels hurt so much... it hurts to see our mc broken like this) he belittles himself, he says hes not fit to be pirate king, he's weak, he couldn't protect anyone. he couldn't save his friends and he couldn't save ace. his spirit is broken. he's alone in this world.
thats what he thought at the moment anyway... with nothing left, luffy continues hurting himself. bashing his head against the ground. maybe even until it cracks open because what the hell is luffy even good for now? might as well end it all because he's got no one and he's weak. there's no point in being pirate king if he can't protect the people he loves. and loneliness is so much worse than being in pain.
luffy would go an extra mile, push the limit, to save ace. ace gave him a place to belong when luffy literally had nowhere else to stay. he'd go so far to save his brother even if it meant his own life.
if he can't save ace, he'd want to die. but... ace couldn't let that happen. ace still had to save his little brother. despite going through literal levels of hell to save ace, it was all for nothing.
and god don't get me started how ecstatic luffy was when he set ace free. and that they fought together, back to back. but it all ended within moments.
whether or not he knew he'd die if he kept hurting himself like this, it's much preferable anyway. he wanted to die. he wished to be left alone but when jinbe wouldn't "it's my body!!! i can do what i like!!!" he was intentionally hurting himself. to get those thoughts away even if it meant killing himself.
but again, with ace's request, asking jinbe to look after luffy for him: he couldn't allow luffy to die. let alone kill himself like this. so jinbe had to help and 'repair' luffy's spirit. reminding him of what luffy still had.
after jinbe's speech, luffy began counting on his fingers that were once stained with his brother's blood... and started sobbing when he realized there was still people out there he loved, waiting for him. he wasn't alone in the world. they were still out there alive just like he was. likely in a safe place where no one would hurt them.
luffy remembers he still had his friends, who were also his family.
had ace not ask jinbe to look after luffy and had jinbe not obliging ace's last wish, luffy would have killed himself then. maybe law would have stepped in as he willingly saved his life (and needed him for future reference) but i dont think he'd have much impact as jinbe because jinbe was there imprisoned with ace, listening to his story and how dear luffy is to him.
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