#anyway we all know the “blatantly correct answer” but

[mildarka]

feeling silly

[dootznbootz]

Odysseus was afraid the entire year on Aeaea in the Odyssey.

Content warnings: Rape, Sexual Coercion, Sexual assault, Sex Work, power dynamics, this will also be long as fuck as I talk too much. This is NOT a "Circe the Goddess Hate Post". I call her out but that's it. I tried to keep this neutral but still making a point (Let me know if I gotta put more)

Lots of lovely folks on here have written great essays on what Calypso did to Odysseus as it's soooo blatantly obvious there. It literally states how he cried every day and how he flinched from Calypso, very straightforward on how he was explicitly raped.

But I've noticed that a lot of people are always iffy about Circe's situation (understandably so, it's not so in your face.) She's usually always mentioned in the "Odysseus never cheated! He was raped!" posts but then the evidence is only ever given against Calypso, and then mentioning how you can't say no or disobey the orders of an immortal and how it was in exchange for freeing his men.

WHICH IS ALL CORRECT!!! But!!!

There ARE immortal/mortal couples who genuinely love each other. Dionysus and Ariadne, and Eros and Psyche are examples. Apollo and Hyacinthus. Psyche indeed becomes immortal eventually and in some versions, both Hyacinthus and Ariadne do too. But even while mortal themselves, their immortal lovers still remained respectful and loving towards them and definitely doted on them. There are definitely power dynamics at play here but there's some nuance.

Odysseus and Circe's relationship, however, is very different. We all know he slept with her at the very least once. And that was in exchange for his men being returned to humans. That was the only time it was explicitly stated. With Calypso, it tells you every night he was enchanted and slept beside her. It was the narrator speaking but Odysseus is the narrator now and it's his story. If you think he lied, this probably won't change your mind anyway.

But even if it was a one-time thing, (which isn't the only interpretation and I will have points that talk about others) then why did he stay a year? What was he doing?

I'm doing a deep dive into the year he spent on Aeaea based on evidence in Book 10 and then the beginning of Book 12. Step by step, and honestly I'm writing this for Tumblr, not as a thesis so I will be a bit more casual but still using sources. To me, it's very obvious that he was uncomfortable throughout the text simply based on the language that is used. But it's very subtle and not an outright statement of "He's been crying every day."

BTW, just so we're clear, this is not a "Circe is the root of all evil, etc." type of post.

This isn't meant to villainize her. She's an immortal being and in mythology that changes things. Everybody is morally gray. I genuinely think if we were to ask her feelings on it, she'd probably be like "Oh, yeah! Turned his men into pigs! Strange little man he was." I don't think she gave a flying fuck.

I just simply get pissed tf off when people think Odysseus was fine. It honestly disturbs me how often I'll go on other websites YouTube and see everyone call him a whore and a womanizer. It's sexism at its finest because 1.) "MaN AlwAyS wAnTs sEx" and 2.) women can't rape/coerce. THIS IS SIMPLY TO LOOK INTO HIS FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

This is also only for Homer's Odyssey, using different translations. If you want to discuss this, (I'd be happy to! Just be nice!) DON'T BRING UP ANY OTHER WORKS.

With all that out of the way, come yell with me 🤗

I've read multiple translations, as I know there's going to be bias depending on who's translating. And having done so, each one has basically the same situations described the same so that's nice for consistency. Also, there are some parts in the story that are vague and that we'll never have answers to.

Odysseus first simply sees the smoke from her chimney and then sends his men in, after drawing lots Eurylochus leads half of the men to check out the house. I mentioned here vaguely how the 2 immortals he sleeps with are both introduced while singing and weaving, which could be seen as an enchantment (which to me is most likely. They both possess magic and are goddesses). So I'm just gonna move past that. Just take a peek and come back or just know that enchantment was likely.

Next, I'll see people often joke on Tumblr about how

"Odysseus says that Polites is his best friend yet only mentions him once!"

I think Odysseus mentions his best friend, the one to jubilantly go in first, to show WHY he would go through with this. How much these comrades mean to him. That's his best friend, and there are approximately 20 others who are now pigs as well. Could you knowingly leave one of your best friends to live a life like that knowing you could've done something?

[...]Circe—and deep inside they heard her singing, lifting her spellbinding voice as she glided back and forth at her great immortal loom, her enchanting web a shimmering glory only goddesses can weave. Polites, captain of armies, took command, the closest, most devoted man I had: ‘Friends, there’s someone inside, plying a great loom, and how she sings—enthralling! The whole house is echoing to her song. Goddess or woman—let’s call out to her now!’ So he urged and the men called out and hailed her. She opened her gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting them all in, and in they went, all innocence.

(Fagles, Book 10)

In the Odyssey, it's never mentioned why she turns people into animals. I think they were turned into pigs because, throughout the Iliad and Odyssey, Odysseus is often associated with boars. His men are associated with him, therefore: 🐖 Piggy. From what we know, the lads were just eating her food. With how much Xenia and hospitality are a large part of the story, they probably thought they were safe. They were GUESTS. This is especially welcome after the Cyclops and the Laestrygonians. And it literally says "All innocence". They were simply naive.

Then Eurylochus runs back, so terrified that he couldn't speak at first. He then begs Odysseus to just leave the men behind. Odysseus has shown that he does TRY to save his men when it is truly not reckless to do so.

But I shot back, ‘Eurylochus, stay right here, eating, drinking, safe by the black ship. I must be off. Necessity drives me on.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Then the famous warning from Hermes. I've seen folks bring this up when talking about this. YES, he is literally commanded by Hermes to not refuse her if he wants his men back in basically every translation. It sounds like Circe was warned as well. When? We don't know, but it sounds like Hermes didn't pick "sides" here.

Strange that he was still like, "Sleep with each other" to both, because he could've been like, "Circe, there's this guy named Odysseus. When he comes to this island, change his men back." But who knows, maybe it was Circe's idea from the beginning and Hermes went along with it. Just food for thought.

Now here’s your plan of action, step by step. The moment Circe strikes with her long thin wand, you draw your sharp sword sheathed at your hip and rush her fast as if to run her through! She’ll cower in fear and coax you to her bed— but don’t refuse the goddess’ bed, not then, not if she’s to release your friends and treat you well yourself. But have her swear the binding oath of the blessed gods she’ll never plot some new intrigue to harm you, once you lie there naked— never unman you, strip away your courage!’

(Fagles, Book 10)

But that doesn't explain why he was there for a year afterward! Nor if he himself was okay with it, which is what I'm trying to delve into as he wasn't.

Also the knife thing? She's still immortal. It was meant to startle her. Her dad is Helios. Odysseus would've been toast, literally.

Also note this exchange wasn't a "Yippee! Hermes says I'm going to get laid!".

...just approaching the halls of Circe, my heart a heaving storm at every step, paused at her doors, the nymph with lovely braids— I stood and shouted to her there. She heard my voice, she opened the gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting me in, and in I went, all anguish now …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Another translation by Ian Johnston, (they all say the same thing essentially but trying to make a point.)

I continued on to Circe’s home. As I moved on, my heart was turning over many gloomy thoughts. After I had walked up to the gateway                                                of fair-haired Circe’s house, I just stood there and gave a shout. The goddess heard my voice.                      She came out at once, opened her bright doors, and invited me inside. I entered, heart full of misgivings.

HE👏WAS👏SCARED! The tone is solemn and suspenseful. He was just told that without Hermes' help with the root, he wouldn't be able to survive and bring back his men. Circe was dangerous.

He made her swear not to harm him.

Straightaway she began to swear the oath that I required—never, she’d never do me harm—and when she’d finished, then, at last, I mounted Circe’s gorgeous bed …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Please note that she NEVER promised that to his men. His comrades did NOT have moli in their systems. He had no way of truly ensuring their safety in any way from Circe.

He then refuses to eat or speak, literally "lost in grim forebodings". If he "just got laid", then why isn't he happy? Not many men can say that a goddess CHOSE to have sex with them. He did it to get his men turned back. It was an exchange. I don't think Circe is "Evil" so maybe it slipped her mind. Or yes, she could've thought, "Hey, I got what I wanted. He's handsome enough. Homer never shuts up about how hot this guy is He hasn't brought up the pigs yet. I'll just let this play out. Maybe HE forgot. I don't have to do anything." We don't know. But Odysseus probably felt like he got deceived.

"Hey, I did my part of the deal. I slept with you. Now do yours."

She pressed me to eat. I had no taste for food. I just sat there, mind wandering, far away … lost in grim forebodings. As soon as Circe saw me, huddled, not touching my food, immersed in sorrow, she sidled near with a coaxing, winged word: ‘Odysseus, why just sit there, struck dumb, eating your heart out, not touching food or drink? Suspect me of still more treachery? Nothing to fear. Haven’t I just sworn my solemn, binding oath?’

So she asked, but I protested, ‘Circe— how could any man in his right mind endure the taste of food and drink before he’d freed his comrades-in-arms and looked them in the eyes? If you, you really want me to eat and drink, set them free, all my beloved comrades— let me feast my eyes.’ So I demanded.

(Fagles, Book 10)

He doesn't trust her despite what she had told him that he should when they sleep together. He has figured out that while she will not hurt him, his men were not a part of that oath, the men he was trying to protect in the first place.

She is then moved by how they rejoice when they see one another again. While turning people into animals for funsies isn't cool and coercion is fucked up, I think she comes to see this group as not quite friends but I think she did find them entertaining in a way.

This is very strange but I've seen some folks say that since Odysseus was pissed at Eurylochus for still not believing him about Circe is proof that "Oh he was trying to defend her!". Which??? Uh, Eurylochus was literally questioning his leadership as a whole. Calling him reckless and shit. He is captain and he's the King, he can't let that shit slide. The text literally says "Mutinous". Also if I had to sleep with someone I did not want to especially if it was to save my friends and I got called names afterward I'd get fucking pissed too.

Only Eurylochus tried to hold my shipmates back, his mutinous outburst aimed at one and all: ‘Poor fools, where are we running now? Why are we tempting fate?— why stumble blindly down to Circe’s halls? She’ll turn us all into pigs or wolves or lions made to guard that palace of hers—by force, I tell you— just as the Cyclops trapped our comrades in his lair with hotheaded Odysseus right beside them all— thanks to this man’s rashness they died too!

They stay a year. Again it's never stated that Odysseus slept with her that whole time. You could interpret that. (Honestly, I feel Circe would get bored with him? She's a goddess, she's got more important matters than mortal men. And she definitely doesn't love him.)

His men DO have to bring it up that "Odysseus has forgotten his native land." Maybe they thought they could sneak out without her knowing??? I am fucking REACHING but hold on as Telemachus did because he knew Nestor would well, be Nestor and try to coax him with "Have a meal with us! Let me tell you about how badass I used to be in my youth." But to sneak away from a goddess? Without her permission? That won't end too well. Aeolus in the beginning kicked out Odysseus when he tried to ask for another bag of wind. If she didn't want him around, she could literally boot him out. While she didn't force him to stay like Calypso did, she didn't "release" him either.

We don't know if they've been asking for a long time. Odysseus does say to Circe that they have been begging him nonstop, but he could also be saying that to try and convince her. He's good at persuasion. I think while he knew he could rely on her for food, shelter, and good advice, he still didn't feel...SAFE with her. I think he was possibly avoiding her personally.

I think HOW he asks her to leave is important to know as well.

...but I went up to that luxurious bed of Circe’s, hugged her by the knees and the goddess heard my winging supplication: ‘Circe, now make good a promise you gave me once— it’s time to help me home. My heart longs to be home, my comrades’ hearts as well. They wear me down, pleading with me whenever you’re away.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Throughout all of Homer's works, the characters grasp another's knees when they are desperate and are literally at the other person's mercy. Priam did when begging Achilles for Hector's body back. The man who literally killed his son and was defiling his body by dragging it around. Leodes grabs Odysseus' knees to beg for his life before Ody kills him. If he saw her as a friend, and not a captor, WHY DID HE FEEL THE NEED TO BEG IN ORDER TO LEAVE?! No one, who is in a healthy relationship, has to BEG for permission to leave. Or to "Break up", if you interpret them as still sleeping together.

And even Circe acknowledges that he is there against his will!

‘Royal son of Laertes, Odysseus, old campaigner, stay on no more in my house against your will.

(Fagles, Book 10)

[...]Odysseus, man of many resources, scion of Zeus, son of Laertes, don’t stay here a moment longer against your will

(A.S. Kline, Book 10)

This is probably another reach that you can ignore but the whole "they wear me down", could be trying to appease her. "Look, you're REALLY cool, it's actually my crew that wants to leave hahahah please don't kill them"

I mentioned before how Telemachus snuck away from Nestor but that was simply out of necessity because he needed to go home now. Not rest for the night. NOW. Nestor is just everyone's grandpa. Menelaus kind of talked more but Telemachus is very straight up in "Please I have to go now" and Menelaus immediately got things ready for him. He never has to beg and clasp his knees. Telemachus was never afraid. Menelaus is a fun uncle and Helen is your cool auntie.

Back to Circe! She tells him instructions for the underworld, they were in her bedroom. But that might've been the only way to speak with her. As even Penelope is usually away from the suitors when they are in her halls, Circe may have done the same. The text never states she played hostess physically. If she was hosting in the halls during the day, why did Odysseus wait until night to talk to her? He could've just asked her while she was on her throne in front of everyone. (He did so with the Phaeacians)

Or maybe he went alone because she only swore an oath to not harm him and so he didn't want his men near if she decided she didn't want to let them go. I could be missing something here so feel free to say something. Idk if this was a pride thing on how "I don't want others to see me beg".

She has info he needs in order to go home as well. She tells him to go to the Underworld.

She gave him new fine clothes and put on pretty clothes herself but that doesn't mean they had sex. Nausicaa gave him nice clothes as well but he never slept with her.

Then he leaves. Immediately. Not even doing a headcount as he didn't realize one of his men had died. (That was negligence on his part but he wanted out) He booked it, to the UNDERWORLD BY THE WAY. Circe even had to sneak the animals he needed for the sacrifice. Odysseus even basically said "She's a goddess. She can do things mortals can't" at the end of the book. And it almost feels...Numb? Solemn? Neutral? Gives a "It is what it is" vibe.

But Circe got to the dark hull before us, tethered a ram and black ewe close by— slipping past unseen. Who can glimpse a god who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?

(Fagles, Book 10)

She’d slipped past us with ease, for who can see a god move back and forth, if she has no desire to be observed?

(Johnston, Book 10)

She's a goddess. She has magic. She can do whatever the fuck she wants.

NOW ON TO BOOK 12!!! That was long! GET A SNACK AND WATER! LUCKILY THIS'LL BE SHORTER!

In Book 11, Odysseus swears, upon all his loved ones in Ithaca, to Elpenor that he'd give him a proper burial as he's been "unwept, unburied". So in Book 12, he sails back to Aeaea to fulfill his promise.

But you know what's funny to me?

He didn't tell Circe he was there.

He didn't even go to greet Circe himself. He sent his men to go get Elpenor's body.

The biggest clue that he didn't love/trust her is that if she was his "Affair partner" then why not go see her for "one last night together"?

SHE came out herself and pulled him aside to know what happened and then gave more advice.

I dispatched some men to Circe’s halls to bring the dead Elpenor’s body. [...]

Nor did our coming back from Death escape Circe— she hurried toward us, decked in rich regalia, handmaids following close with trays of bread and meats galore and glinting ruddy wine. [...]

But Circe, taking me by the hand, drew me away from all my shipmates there and sat me down and lying beside me probed me for details

(Fagles, Book 12)

In every translation, it talks about how he sits, and she lounges/lies down. That's not sex 🙃 In some translations, it even says he tried to be with his shipmates but she pulled him away!

So we lay down and slept beside our ship’s stern cables. But Circe took me by the hand and led me away, some distance from the crew. She made me sit, while she stretched out beside me on the ground. 

(Johnston, Book 12)

Then, she gives advice about the sirens, Charybdis, Scylla, and her father's Cattle. He tries to ask if he could save all his men. She scolds him for even thinking he could try. He again books it out of there.

I think we all know it wasn't "love". But I think a lot of people think Odysseus was willing and happy with whatever this was. "Friends with Benefits", if you will. I guess you could see it that way but I will say that makes me feel itchy with the whole power dynamic and fear. I don't think folks who have that arrangement have to beg on their knees to ask if they can leave though.

I mean the entirety of Book 10 gives me the vibes of "Laughing uncomfortably because you don't want to upset the other person". To just grin and bear it.

A lot of this was just putting the text here and picking it apart step by step. What you do with this is up to you. It's rambling while banging pots and pans together.

Maybe you see him as drugged the entire year and still sleeping together, as the moli "wore off". Even then, just because her magic can't affect him, there are plenty of natural concoctions that can be created that can affect mortals.

Maybe you see the entire year as sex work in exchange for shelter and food.

Maybe he was just alongside his men the whole time under her roof and was avoiding her after the exchange. After he got asked by his men to finally leave, he would start to walk up to that room only to freeze and turn around, thinking "One more day won't hurt. Should wait until I know she's in a sympathetic mood".

I beg of you, however, PLEASE understand that there was fear and coercion throughout his entirety on Aeaea. He wasn't staying to get laid. While there is so much going on and too many things that are left vague to really know exactly what happened, it is consistent that he was scared/numb. Lots of people go through with things they don't really want to do just to appease others. There are plenty of situations of sexual trauma where one person goes through something and the other has no idea the other person isn't okay. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE CAN HARM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AT ANY MOMENT!

Sexual trauma is a very complicated thing and while he was scared, he definitely wasn't as traumatized by her as he was by Calypso. Calypso was a torturous hell while Circe was a year of walking on eggshells. Not comparable but I still think it should be acknowledged. It's wild because I read the Odyssey and kept thinking "Y'all are calling the sex slave a cheater? The guy who slept with a goddess to get his men back? The ultimate simp apparently doesn't love his wife??"

Things I'm adding that shouldn't affect the argument as it is not in the Odyssey but I want to mention as it's a "fun fact": Odysseus' dad was an Argonaut. Laertes probably met Circe as well, (or knew of her) with the whole purifying thing and maybe Odysseus heard his dad tell stories of her. Later myths also have Circe with the habit of turning her crushes (or their lovers) into something with Scylla and Picus.

In conclusion, Yeah, he was afraid of her. At least to an extent. And don't pull the whole "Ancient men didn't get raped". Male victims exist and deserve compassion for what was done to them and women are capable of sexual abuse. If you think otherwise, you are not a true feminist and Fuck you. I said in the beginning this'll be casual and I don't wanna write a fancy ending. You can still think Circe is neat but you have to know that this was fucked up.

If you think a lot of this is bullshit or wanna give more context or wish to yell with me but still know he wasn't alright on Aeaea, cool. If you want to point out mistakes or something I should keep in mind with interpretations then feel free to say so but give text evidence. If you try and bring up the Telegony and/or Madeline Miller's Circe, fuck clean off. This is Homer. If you call Odysseus a whore and not the malewife he canonically is I'll start biting. 😤

[grapenehifics]

Not to tell you about *every* time I hear Solsbury Hill on the radio but…

Can you tell us why you picked it as the title for your fic? I feel there’s more to your reasoning than “grab your things I’ve come to take you home” and I’d love to hear your thoughts [it’s also maybe pretty obvious(?) but I’m really, really shit at 1) song lyrics 2) song meanings and 3) applying them to other contexts 🙈]

My friend, there is almost nothing I would rather talk about than the intersection between Peter Gabriel*, Genesis, Solsbury Hill the place, Solsbury Hill the song, and Solsbury Hill the fic.

(*Peter Gabriel, and all the members of Genesis, are real people, and would probably tell this story very differently. But they're not here to correct me [oh god, at least, I hope not], and this is how I heard the story, and I am going to tell it the way I know it. Apologies to all those living or dead.)

Sometime in the late 1960s a group of British schoolboys formed the prog rock band Genesis, and by the early 1970s they were...maybe not world-famous, but huge by prog rock standards, anyway, with a couple of albums and a tour. The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway came out and it was a big enough deal that they got offered an American tour, too.

They were all still pretty young (they'd started basically in high school) and Peter Gabriel, their lead singer and main songwriter, had recently got married and he and his wife had a baby (this will become relevant in a second). So they go on the American tour and maybe about halfway through Peter turns to his bandmates and is like, "so...I'll finish the tour with you, because I promised I would, but when we get back home I'm quitting the band."

The other guys were stunned, obviously, because this was the moment they'd worked for. They'd already gotten through all the shitty garage band years, which is where most people give up, and now they were at the good part! They were on an international tour! The money was good! Their albums were selling! They had more fans than they'd ever thought they'd have! What on earth would possess someone to want to give all that up?

(The part of this story that is less-charitable to Peter Gabriel is that one of the answers he gave was 'more creative freedom' and his band was like...but you already write all our songs? What possible *more* creative freedom do you think you need?)

It wasn't just the band, though. His managers and the record company and everyone all told him that was a terrible, terrible idea, and there were a sizable contingent of Genesis fans who just refused to follow him to his solo career because they were mad at him for walking out on Genesis, wrecking the band, how dare he be so ungrateful...

(Genesis did fine without him, actually. Phil Collins took over on vocals and they had another couple of albums and some hit songs before going kind of weirdly soft-rock in the 80s.)

Also - and this is an important detail - when he left the band, there was no solo career. He didn't have any songs. I don't think he even had an agent. He was kind of on the outs with the industry for pulling that stunt. He spent the first year after he quit - while Genesis was recording a new album without him - just hanging out at home with his wife and baby daughter.

Eventually he did get back in the studio, and one of the songs on his first solo album was Solsbury Hill, largely regarded to be the most autobiographical of his songs (Solsbury Hill is an actual, physical hill in Somerset, near where he grew up). It's pretty blatantly about quitting Genesis, including being unhappy in the band:

So I went from day to day Though my life was in a rut

I was feeling part of the scenery

And liberty, she pirouette When I think that I am free

and trying to get up the courage to leave even knowing it would almost universally be regarded as a really dumb move and would very possibly end his entire music career even though he was still in his twenties:

My friends would think I was a nut Open doors would soon be shut

But eventually doing it anyway:

To keep in silence I resigned

I walked right out of the machinery

I will show another me

Then he writes about how, even though it was scary and he didn't know what the consequences were going to be, he was glad he did it:

Though my life was in a rut 'Til I thought of what I'd say Which connection I should cut

Today I don't need a replacement I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant

And he personifies all this as a person, or more accurately hearing a voice (while climbing Solsbury Hill, hence the title), and the progression of what the voice tells him mirrors the rest of the lyrics. First it's:

"Son, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

and

"Hey, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

But the final lines are the singer answering back:

"Hey, " I said "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

And not to belabor the metaphor, but that's what I see as the equivalent of the first quarter or so of Solsbury Hill the fic, at least the beginning to the Bakersfield hospital chapters. Peter Gabriel and Anakin both got the exact thing they thought they wanted - a record deal, a tour, money, fame, wealth - and then turned out once they had it, they actually didn't really want it all that much anymore, and the reality of it wasn't worth keeping it.

But also mixed in there is some shame, right, because to everyone else it looks like you have it all. Every kid around the world with a guitar and a garage bands wants what you have. Every kid on their school swim team watching the Olympics on TV wants that. And now you've got it, and you're just...going to hand it back? Say it's not good enough? This thing that feeds your family and lets you see the world? How dare you spit on that!

But all they really want - in both stories - is more time with the people they love. And yes, in both cases, there are ways to fix that - Peter Gabriel could have taken his wife and baby with him on tour, Anakin could have not fired Obi-Wan and taken up with Palpatine - but in the middle of that situation and looking down the barrel of year after year of touring and competition and the toll it takes on your body and your mental health - suddenly the smart play starts looking like turning you back on it, tearing the whole thing down, and starting over. Even if it means living without the money and the fame and the recognition and universal goodwill. Who cares. Keep it all. Keep my things; I don't need them; I just need you.

I'm going home.

[baronessofmischief]

Steven Grant is not a doormat

I don’t venture into characters tags very often because there’s a lot I don’t like to sift through but I’ve seen a lot of 🎶 timid and shy and scared are you 🎶 takes on Steven that are just… blatantly inaccurate lol

I don’t know how much is infantilization and how much is just a lack of basic character analysis, but Steven isn’t afraid to socialize or deal with conflict. While he may not solve conflict with violence, it doesn’t mean he lets people walk all over him without some form of speaking up or pushback. There are things he wants and has shown initiative in pursuing. Steven Grant is a unique mix of assertive but polite.

He’s also unaware he has DID which means there are situations and complications in his life outside of his control, and people react negatively to that which continues to make life harder for him to handle as well as he’d like, but that doesn’t mean he’s pathetic or inept— Those are adjacent issues I’ve seen in a lot of fan portrayals and interpretations.

Steven is an active protagonist. He doesn’t have to be pushed to further the story because he takes initiative to do things that further the story itself.

Even within just the first episode, “The Goldfish Problem” was devoted to showing us who he was before his knowledge of Moon Knight, and even the smaller moments are evident of who he is as an assertive character.

He calls his mom to talk on the phone and update her about his life even though we get the impression she doesn’t answer and that’s something he’s accustomed to, but he still calls anyway

He points out to the guy setting up his stall outside the entrance to his building that oh yeah, you’re still doing that inconvenient thing (that annoys me) aren’t you, well, good for you, thanks for that, (wish you wouldn’t do that but whatever I won’t make a fuss because that would be rude) cheers

He greets his coworkers by name even when they ignore him

It’s great to see a character politely and effectively correct a kid’s behavior without actually making the kid feel bad because so many times when adults do that they effectively block any possibility of the kid listening to what they say afterwards, even if it might be something the kid would be interested in. We can see that Steven wants to have a teaching moment where he gets to share his interest with someone who may not care about Egypt yet, but because he took the time to engage with her she shows interest (and will likely show more respect for the exhibits moving forward)

He firmly corrects Donna when she gets his name wrong, pointing to the name tag

When the tour guide comes over to confirm their date for that weekend, the reason he hesitates is because he’s caught off guard. Anybody would be confused about a date they have no recollection of having a conversation about

There’s an important distinction between who a character is vs what other characters say about them: when Donna says she didn’t think he had it in him (to ask the tour guide on a date), and accompanies it with the question about him being vegan so what’s he planning to get at a steak place, she’s being critical even while trying to engage him in a conversation, and from how we saw her introduction (unpleasant tone criticizing Steven and getting his name wrong upon his entry), it’s understandable for Steven to bite back a bit with the clipped “I dunno, salad? Bread?” He’s not unsure about himself in regards to the date, he’s telling her to mind her own business. They don’t have a good working relationship and Steven doesn’t owe her his personal life. Someone who’s a doormat would have just rolled over and made excuses to try to get a critic like Donna to like them to keep the peace. Steven doesn’t snap at her, he’s just mildly irritated, and when her moment of good humor drops she leaves with another criticism as she goes. He’s not worried about Donna liking him because she’s already shown she doesn’t respect him.

When he’s doing inventory he purposefully brings up the fact that the marketing poster is inaccurate because to him, this is a museum, so having things be accurate is important even if it’s just to visually draw people in, and when Donna makes the remark about him not having the chance at tour guide, that does stop him and he voices how disappointing that is to hear, actually. He doesn’t necessarily keep his feelings in to avoid further conflict

He apologizes for being late and for the fumble with the box of stock, but he continues the conversation instead of meekly trying to please his boss and spend a bunch of time trying to get her to pity him

Though the street performer doesn’t speak to Steven, Steven still apparently likes talking to him, which I think is a lot more symbolic than people realize

He’s blunt with the lady at the pet shop because he rightfully doesn’t understand what the fish is going on with his magically able-bodied goldfish and that’s reason for him to be determined enough to go out hunting for answers. He knows he’s sleep deprived but Steven knows his pet: this is bizarre

The reason he doesn’t call the tour guide ahead of time to ask about the date they’re supposed to have because 1. He’s running late and 2. It’s evident he wants to be there so he’s taking the time to make sure he does everything correctly, but he still takes the initiative to reach out to her first, instead of making up some excuse to himself as to why she’s not there

It’s interesting because even outside of discovering Marc, the show plays on the idea of Steven “talking to himself” when the reality is that the people he’s talking to just aren’t listening to him, and that has overarching thematic implications further down the line when Harrow uses the idea of Steven / Marc talking to himself as a way to discredit him/the system (which would also further isolate them). There are numerous examples of Steven being shown asking for help and being denied that or ignored.

One of the running themes in the show that’s especially apparent in the first episode is that Steven is alone, but not for a lack of trying. Steven talks to a lot people/things that don’t talk to him (his mom, Gus, his coworkers, the street performer), in addition to initiating conversations with people who are antagonistic to him in one way or another. It does Steven a disservice to strip him of a very clear aspect of his character by making him this meek, trembling wallflower of a character just so you can have rough-assertive-confident-cocky Marc Spector as a contrast (while also not taking into account Marc’s own complexities).

Because of his willingness to push back and ask or demand answers, Steven is able to connect with Marc and start figuring out what the rest of his (and by extension Marc’s) life entails. From what starts to be revealed it appears that Marc has spent a long time pushing people out and pushing people away, but it’s Steven’s stubbornness, kindness, and resolve that helps the two of them connect and find balance in the end. The idea that neither of them is actually alone, whether by choice (Marc) or not (Steven) is important to the series and characters as a whole.

[lettucedloophole]

i've thought about going on t before, as an average liberal then as a terf and now as a trans inclusive radical feminist. and with these three perspectives, i have no idea of what to make of any personal decision like that anymore.

it was pretty easy as a liberal. do what makes you happy, "no critical thoughts, just vibes" and all. as a terf, it's very strictly no, sometimes to the point of matyrdom. if you find yourself with dysphoria, knowing transition would help you, you are supposed to run in the opposite direction and just try to embrace yourself harder until it goes away, nevermind gender being a part of you. it's dishonest in a more insidious method than liberalism, in my opinion anyway, as it posits itself as the correct subversion of liberalism when it's really a spin off of conservative thought. of course, you can't get too prescriptive (i am not using this word in the conventional sense. perhaps in no correct sense) with ideas-- someone having a certain opinion is one thing, but why do they have it? their life experience or disposition, ignorance, propaganda? and what do they plan to do about it? but in the case of terfism's Transgender Bad opinion, the formulation of it is very similar, if not almost identical to typical conservatives, which is odd given the demographic of terfs generally being variously marginalized women, but that just proves the efficacy of propaganda leveraged in the culture war against the minority (trans people as of now, of course)-- no one is immune. *insert garfield here.*

between and or outside of brain empty and transphobic martyrdom, there is the increasingly complex scope of radical feminism and other theory on gender, sexuality. increasingly complex to Me, at least, as i think it is correct, and correct things are the hardest to grasp. i take one step forward and fourteen back the more i learn about this stuff. i was so certain before, but good theory breaks down your reality into parts and pieces to bring cohesion to a machine as a whole. society.

terf thought = being trans isn't like being gay or being a gnc wo/man, being gay and/or a gnc wo/man is natural and innate and not harmful and being trans is a social imposition of patriarchy. but upon digging deeper... sex is a social construct. and if sex is a social construct? sexuality is a social construct. nothing is innate, at least, we could never really say as that would be to push society's assumptions on Unsociety. thus, gender, sexuality, transness, all become quite similar– there is at least purpose in the social construction of sex that's blatantly evident, thank you simone de beauvoir; patriarchy. however, personal gender, conformity and nonconformity, is hopelessly skewed by the human spectrum of being, and coping. terf thought = transness is artificial as it is a defilement of the authentic self, but what is the authentic self? being against bodily modification is one thing, but this concept of authenticity-- it is assumed gay and gnc people have this authenticity that trans people lack. they're Just Like That. but, why are people gay? why are people gnc? when these questions are asked, homophobia & misogyny is assumed, because (much like the question of "why are people trans?") they are often asked in search of justification for someone else's existence. i will say the most crude samples aloud; you're gay because you were sexually assaulted as a kid, you're gnc because you're too insecure to be a real man, you're gnc because you feel too ugly to embrace femininity and thus, hate yourself enough to resort to masculinity. and the answer we come up with to these questions is, no. there are of course many gay and gnc people who don't feel an inkling of this. but, what about those who do? i will use myself as an example: i used to be more feminine as a child, but i got fat and depressed and put less effort into my appearance, less vibrancy, ending up at androgynous. now i am that or masc-y, and i feel disgusting in feminine clothes likely because of this insecurity. i am bi because patriarchy = brainwashed into being submissively attracted to men. i cannot rid myself of this part of me and i hate it, and along with the social reality of patriarchy, this is more than enough reason to force myself out of internalized homophobia. so, taking these two things into account, my gender nonconformity and sexuality are essentially inseparable from patriarchy-- does this make them inauthentic? unhealthy? how many other gnc & gay people feel similarly? if it was the majority, or a lot, would you then say it's not genuine or healthy for them to be gay?

and here lies the problem, because the exact same things are said about trans people by (usually) transphobes; you're trans because you're traumatized from sexual assault or internalized misogyny / patriarchy. but holding onto the label of man and woman so strongly as gnc (cis, to clarify) people, is also informed by patriarchy, these labels are made up and, dare i say, meaningless.

except, they're obviously NOT meaningless. these categories OOZE importance for people everywhere, they're what relegate half of the population, and terfs agree with this too as they hold on so strongly to being women and sisterhood. so, why is it only artificial when trans people acknowledge a very real system, and find a way to fit themselves into it?

essentially, all of gender and sexuality is a choice. you can choose to be gnc, you can choose to be gay, and you can choose to be trans. i know this, as i have in some sense chosen to be gnc and gay (by being a bi woman who doesn't date men, though i don't literally identify as gay) but it just boggles the fucking mind because of the essentialism that's applied to these categories. and yes, this essentialism is often applied to protect these groups, but it is also what forms the very oppression of these groups, which is why it doesn't fucking work.

obligatory disclaimer as that was a Touchy subject, saying you could choose to be gay, trans, gnc also doesn't mean conversion therapy works or is right, because there's the simple matter of what you want to be. sure, you could materially be straight, gay people fake this all the time. but it's not fulfilling. dare i say, it's inauthentic...

so the force of want is authentic, as innate is not real and therefore, not authentic. self-actualization may be authentic, and it's separate from want at least in that it can't be hollow.

but this begs so many more questions. for example, as a radical feminist, you're anti-kink. however, if we disregard root in patriarchy as a sign that an action is, well. bad, anti-feminist. then does kink become okay? (i don't think so because i am aggressively sex-negative and thus i will consider things like, lack of self-actualization in this action, material harm and danger, the collective submission of women never being a neutral as opposed to an evil. but, it is an interesting thought.)

so, back to t. i want to go on t, i think i would like the changes for the most part, but would it self-actualise me? is feeling obligated to stick it through as a weird little woman remnants of terf brainworms, or can it be a lifestyle choice without subconsciously damning people who live differently? do i, in some personal way, feel obligated to transition?

i am perpetually confused. i got some interesting advice today, "understand what you need to understand," i don't think it meant much to the person saying it, but to me? i wonder if i need to understand an experience through living it to be happy, or if i can learn from the sidelines. either way, i won't do anything rash, as i must find the correct choice to satisfy the ethics demon that screams at me in my head to live an "authentic" life. whatever that means

you learn upon unterfening how cisgender (gnc or otherwise) identification can be rather restrictive as compared to the subversion that terfs sell it as, but i am interested now in thinking of what ways transgender reality is subversive in patriarchal society. i don't know if i'll have many thoughts on this, but the biggest one i've come up with so far is the wedge it shoots between the idea of sex/gender being innate. though some people manage to make it sound otherwise, it is anti-essentialist at its core. i'm interested in seeing this whole picture of the cis and trans subversiveness and typicality comparisons, as i feel getting this done should even the scales for them in my brain, theoretically speaking. all gender oppressed people have their own strengths and subversions-- you learn that they don't need to be identical to be meaningful. allyship isn't a zero-sum game.

[shinydixon]

I don't know who to say this to because no one around me cares so I thought I'd share it here. Sorry for the rant. I keep seeing that black screen, white writing, video where Joseph is talking about Steddie and all the Steddie fans are going crazy for it and saying it is or it's going to be canon because Joseph confirms he's into it or whatever. ANYWAY for the first time just now I saw the actual whole interaction and immediately after where it's cut off in the original video I saw Joseph says "I wasn't thinking that, as Eddie." and then something along the lines of "You never know what people are going to see in things." As in: Steddie is not canon. He wasn't thinking it at all while filming. You never know what people are going to make up. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Steddie anti or anything. I don't really ship Eddie with anyone. I just find it annoying that people are so adamant that Joseph played Eddie as gay on purpose and that he played Eddie with a crush on Steve on purpose. Then we finally get the confirmation that it's not true and they blatantly ignore it for the rest of what he said. Which is essentially he is okay with it. So yeah, might see Steddie in the future. Fantastic. But it was definitely never intended originally.

Basically I'm just annoyed that the Steddies are now even more confident and mean about it all when Joe straight up said he didn't play Eddie that way on purpose. 😂

I must correct you:

The "i didn't think that as Eddie" was an answer at a question about the "make him pay" line, if it have a romantic meaning as in "when Eddie said "make him pay " to Steve there wasn't anything romantic meant under the lines"; like when he says that the "Chrissy, this is for you" wasn't meant as romantic.

Steddie is not canon but we deserve to be annoying about him saying they're good fit, like hellcheers were annoying when Joe said that Eddie might have had a crush on Chrissy.

I really don't understand why nobody said anything about him saying Eddie might have had a crush on chrissy,but when he says that steddie is good, it's a tragedy and considered annoying.

Of course, this doesn't make steddie canon, like what he said didn't make hellcheer canon, considering that what an actor says≠canon, and also Joe doesn't give two shit about hellcheer or steddie, but let people enjoying that moment.

I'm repeating myself, I know, but when hellcheers go around spreading the lie that hellcheer is canon , I don't see the same reaction "against" them.

Finally, all the flirting was improvised by Joe, I think he know what he was doing 😅 "don't you big boy"? C'mon

[ajramblesagain]

I feel like I’m finally starting to feel somewhat confident in who I am as a guy. I’m not on T yet but I have an appointment lined up on Thursday to talk about getting on it. But anyway, now that I’m finally confident in who I am, I’ve been running over all the blatantly obvious childhood signs I showed that I just glossed over because I refused to believe that I could be trans. For context, I was raised fairly religious and attended a private christian school through eighth grade. So, religious trauma. Yay. Anyway, without further tangents, let’s dive in because honestly it’s hilarious how transparent my closet was in hindsight.

This is going to be in no particular order because order doesn’t matter and I have adhd and keeping my thoughts in a cohesive order is hard at the best of times and I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately. Let’s begin.

First of all, I came out as trans but putting my new pronouns in my Twitter bio (my whopping total of 8 followers, I know). I honestly didn’t think anyone paid that much attention to my bio so I was actually pleasantly surprised that people seemed to pick up on it relatively quickly. One of those twitter followers, I’m gonna call them T on here, needed help running this night market thing that they organized through our college (former college I guess since neither of us are students there anymore) for our organization as a fundraiser. Anyway, T was one of the people who paid attention to the pronoun bio change and actually corrected themself and referred to me me he while I was helping during the night market thing. That alone was enough to make my entire night though obviously I wasn’t going to say anything because I’m not sure if they knew I was even within earshot or not, and I don’t talk to even my closest friends about my emotions, and me and T aren’t that close to begin with.

One of the people helping us table for the night market but for a different table just across from us, ( idk why i’m talking about the location of the tables, like it matters lol) Anywat, I’m gonna call her RM.Actually I don’t remember if it was T or RM who brought up this quiz, but anyway one of them brought up this online quiz that tells you what your dick size would be if you were born a dude. It was actually based on scientific shit so I think it’s supposed to be fairly accurate. Which sucks because I took it and I got 5 inches and I would’ve gotten 6 if I had just eaten more white fish growing up. You can’t blame me though. That shit is fucking nasty. Anyway, me and my friend, A, who was also tabling with me were like, we gotta take this test right now. And again, my memory is absolutely dogshit so I don’t remember who said this, but someone kinda jokingly said that A and I were way too excited to take the quiz, which honestly felt really validating for some reason.

Anyway, I wasn’t happy with my measely 5 inch result, especially since A got more than me and I wasn’t gonna accept that as an answer. So I was like, fine then, I’m gonna take a quiz that bases it off of the vibes I give off but I kept getting lower and lower results until I gave up because that shit was pathetic and it was lowkey getting embarrassing. Anyway, A told me that I was acting like an insecure straight man, which was a super gender affirming insult by the way, so of course I didn’t stop thinking about that for a few hours. Not even exaggerating, that’s literally how my brain works. But I exaggerated my offense at being called straight. I was like, I may be insecure but I most certainly am not straight.

That wasn’t even the highlight of the gender euphoria I felt that night. For context, I was keeping a spreadsheet of all the sales we made during the night market thing, so T messaged me later that night and asked me for the spreadsheet and so I sent it and their response was just two simple words that I’m sure they didn’t even really think about but it just lives in my mind rent free now as a constant source of gender euphoria: thanks king. I kid you not, I was fucking smiling like an idiot at my phone and would not stop thinking about being called ‘king’ for the next couple of days. King is never used as a gender neutral phrase like ‘dude’ or ‘man’ is often used as, so it just felt like T really read me as a guy, which was just a really good feeling.

Honestly this is getting kinda long and I’m getting tired so I think I’m actually gonna dive into my actual childhood signs tomorrow. If you decide to follow, just be prepared that my context is always gonna be this tangent-ridden, impulsive, unscripted stream of consciousness type shit, so be warned. I know this style of content bugs some people lol so no hard feelings. I’m just mostly doing this for me because I like to sound off into the void.

[sincerely-krp]

very /gen answer. but rupes has always been tied with the insidigm admins because every time a conversation about how shitty the admin team is, suddenly someone will bring up rupes for no reason. /

it's pretty obvious why to me. i remember insidious really well, people are correct that they were all friends, some of the rupes muns were super active parts of the ooc community too. but the issues started when the insidious admins tried to tell their krp they owed them their muses more or less. a lot of rupes muns reached out to writers they liked to ask them to join rupes too, since they would be leaving (you had to consent that your muse what the insidious krp admin's property, you can see the canva for this), and i bet the insidious admins took that to be poaching because they couldn't see that people were only leaving insidious if they disagreed with their whole take on ip. like i genuinely don't think they comprehended just how immature we all found them to be, tossing terms like intellectual property around at the same time they used things like locations, and mythological concepts, things that simply can't be copyrighted to begin with. their statements just made no sense to begin with, anyone in school that has had to cite sources would know how deranged they were being.

i'm not saying this as a dig, but i think they were jealous, likely due to insecurity. i truly mean it, there's no other explanation for them hunting down people to harass in their dms, telling the rupes admins to change their own krp's rules and systems, and at the same time posting paragraphs about poaching and subtly digging at rupes. i don't think it was 100% vindictive, i think they truly just projected feeling helpless about losing such a good community of writers, and outsourced the blame. very much felt like i had to pick between one krp, when in hindsight idk if that was ever the case. supporting this are the other anons here saying they remember members having nothing but good things to say about insidious, or even joining paradigm/considering it. i was in paradigm for a while, but had a friend who left during the mass exodus (no one doing activity for the check), and it was really clear to us that perfectly nice muns were being iced out. i can't say for sure if the members my friend talks about are rupes members, but from what they sound like, they feel like they were.

i don't think the rupes muns were clueless though, that would make no sense, especially if they knew someone from that group was in rupes, and chose to not interact quietly. there's really no perfect way to handle hearing all this shit about your krp that's so blatantly false, but i do think it's not like... a far jump to think the rupes muns knew one of their writers was being harassed by the insidious admins. i would be suspicious too. it makes sense to me too, because a writer i wrote with, even up to a few months ago, was a longtime rupes member (we recognized each other from insidious and bonded over a lot of fun times we had) and never brought the krp up to me when the krp we were at died, like they had before at insidious. i don't think that was unintentional though, i think it's likely they just knew that it wasn't worth asking people in the au comm anymore because of these rumors. which was a bummer, because we wrote really great things in this krp.

i don't feel comfortable doing all this speculation without being a direct party, but i think that this is definitely a conversation worth having because too many au krpers are comfortable being judgemental without even knowing any facts, and this was proof of it. we always say we just want a place to write, but when there is one we all just bashed on it, and never allowed space for another side to the whole thing. that proof sincerely posted is really fucking damning. if/when rupes comes back, i think that's where i'll be anyways.

・❥・

[likeastarstar]

8:03 PM- Yoongi

(A/N: Hi! I recently hit a milestone in followers and while I'm not really a numbers person I did want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's read, liked, reblogged, sent me an ask, or followed me. I'm really thankful to everyone who likes my work! It means a lot!! Anyway back to good ole yoongi- feedback is always appreciated!)

31 Days. 744 Hours. 44640 minutes.

That's how long it had been since you had seen Yoongi. You knew the exact amount of time that had passed since you had last seen him because it was all you could think of. Doing the math in your head distracted you from how stupid all of this was.

You wiped at your face, swiping tears away before knocking on Yoongi's door, like you always did when you were feeling anything other than happy. Normally, anytime something would upset you, you'd go running to Yoongi. He'd open the door and pull you into a hug quickly, fixing any and all problems you had. That wouldn't happen this time, since the problem was you. This time, you weren't even sure he'd answer the door.

Thankfully, he did. Yoongi answered quickly, scanning your face for a moment with his usual comforting smile sliding off his face quickly. He said you name softly, tone full of sympathy and you hated it, glaring at him as if you weren't the one who knocked on his door.

He was your best friend, the only form of stability you had in your life. This was your first official fight and it was over something so stupid- over you telling him you loved him. You had said it a month ago and freaked out when he didn't say anything back. You couldn't get the shocked expression frozen on his face when you told him out of your head. Instead of asking if he was okay, instead of trying to discuss things like an adult, you ran away. He tried calling you after but you ignored him, ignoring your friends when they asked what happened. It took you a whole month to work up the courage to walk to his apartment, purposefully not bothering to text and ask if he was home. This way, there was a good chance he wasn't and you could just use it as an excuse to never try to apologize again except he was home and he was staring at you right now.

"Hey," You mumbled, staring at the center of his chest.

His shirt fit him tighter than normal- how had he gotten buffer in a month? What the hell had he been doing? You had spent the month crying in bed while he had seemingly decided to switch careers to body building.

"You're crying," He said blankly, skipping any form a greeting. You made a hissing noise and pulled your hair down from the ponytail it had been in so you could hide your face. It fell in silver and black waves, which you dyed the same shade as his a couple months ago because you felt like it, not because you wanted to match or anything... definitely not.

"No, I'm not." You lied blatantly. "Why are you home on a Saturday night? Don't you have friends?"

You knew the answer. He definitely had friends, they were your friends too. You don't know why you were being so rude, it was just coming out like word vomit at this point and it was either lash out or tell him the truth. That you loved him, that you were sorry for avoiding him, that you were being immature.

"I do, but my best friend just happens to be ignoring me," He said pointedly, "So I haven't really felt up to being very social."

"It's only been a couple days," You lied, crossing your arms stubbornly.

31 Days. 744 Hours. 44640 minutes.

"It's been a month," He corrected. "We haven't gone a month without speaking since we met each other."

You ignored him, pushing past his weirdly firm bicep and trudging into his apartment. You looked around- things seemed normal, exactly the same. One of your hair scrunchies was still on his coffee table, untouched, like an artifact from a far away time you wished you could go back to. You tapped your foot as you stared at the scrunchie, reminding yourself to stop being so dramatic.

It was only a month. It was only a word. Just a feeling- love. Tons of people fell in love with their best friends. So what if he didn't feel the same way? You could get over it. You could squish the feeling down...

Right?

Yoongi sighed, closing his door behind you and walking into his kitchen, pulling out two beers and passing one to you. You took it silently, cracking it open just to have something to do.

"I know I said I loved you," You said decisively, "But I was just confused and I'm over it. We can...You can just ignore that I ever said that."

It was a lie, but it was less scary than the truth. Because you were terrified of loving someone like Yoongi. He was perfect in every way, kind to a fault and careful with his words where you were a selfish, immature person who always seemed to be saying the wrong thing. You loved him, but there was a little voice inside of you screaming that there was no way Yoongi was in love with you. That you must've been crazy to even think you had a chance with him.

You stared at him, maintaining eye contact for so long it felt like you were paralyzed. Yoongi kept his face neutral, lips parting after a moment before he groaned and shook his head.

"Fuck it," He mumbled, closing the gap between you in two strides and kissing you. You froze for a moment before melting into the kiss, pulling him closer by his shirt and throwing an arm around his neck. You felt his hands sink down to your waist, pinning you against him. Nothing about the kiss was soft- tight, bruising holds on each other and desperate movements. His tongue slid against yours and you tipped your head to the side to deepen the kiss, wanting as much of him as you could get.

You could feel his frustration through his body, pouring over you like hot wax. Yoongi dragged a hand down to your ass and tapped twice before lifting you with ease, guiding your legs to wrap around his waist. He carried you like you weighed nothing, walking towards his bedroom with you in his arms. Seriously, when did he become so buff?

"Do you feel that?" Yoongi asked in a low voice awhile later, by which time you had lost track of time, splayed out on his bed with Yoongi on top of you.

Your eyes fluttered open, barely able to focus on anything at all. He had you exactly where you wanted to be, wrapped around him, all senses flooded with nothing else but him. You couldn't tell how long it had been since you walked into his apartment, or what time it was, what was going on outside of this bedroom- you couldn't even say that you cared. The only thing occupying your mind was how his strong hands looked on your body, your skin a stark contrast against his pale tone.

His body moved in sync with yours, like waves on a beach. "Do you feel how fast your heart is beating right now? Tell me you don't love me again, and be honest this time. Tell me you don't think we belong together." He said stubbornly, bringing up an old conversation. "Don't you feel it in your soul? Tell me you don't love me."

You shook your head stubbornly, eyes watering slightly, "D-Don't make me say it again."

"Why?" He challenged, staring down at you with a strictness in his eyes that made you feel so exposed. "Because it's not true, is it? Because you're in love with me."

You turned your head to the side, flattening the side of your cheek against his bicep for some sort of comfort because Yoongi was still the only thing that felt safe to you, even if you were scared of how much you loved him. His hand smoothed down your hair like he always did when you hugged him, letting up on the pressure for a moment.

"Yeah, I love you." You said miserably, "I think I've loved you ever since I first met you. I'm just...scared."

He caressed your face and pushed it up towards his so he could look at you better, smiling slightly, "I know. That's why I was so surprised when you actually said it a month ago. I was less surprised about the tantrum you threw afterwards though."

You squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment and cringed, "I'm sorry. I just assumed you didn't feel the same way."

"Well I do," He said quietly, pressing his lips to your pouty ones. "Don't leave me like that again though, it hurt."

You opened your eyes and peered up at him, a watery look of pain in his eyes that made your heart ache, "I won't. I'm sorry."

He nodded slightly, blinking a couple times before shrugging. You wondered how he felt for that month, knowing he must've been as upset as you were and you felt even more stupid.

"It's okay, I just had to be patient. That's what you do when you love someone. Now stop apologizing and kiss me." He ordered, smiling down at you before pulling you back towards him to press another kiss to your lips.

masterlist.

[doberbutts]

If ears are the #1 annoying thing, that are the next top 2? For curiosity sake - feel free not to answer! I know the drama is strong in this community and on Tumblr in general.

Refusing to accept that by only breeding to similar pedigrees and refusing to take a loss for a generation or two on even just a line outcross rather than line breeding on top of line breeding over and over again, all they're doing is hastening the breed's demise, and they'd be much better served by just swallowing their pride and breeding to a dog of completely different pedigree and then re-tightening their program back up in later generations.

"I can't find a showy doberman that can work" those exist but you won't breed to them.

"I can't find a nice working temperament in a dog with decent structure" those exist but you won't breed to them.

"No one uses the dobe as military or police anymore" yes they do but you won't breed to them.

"I can't find dogs with good health testing and show ratings in Europe that also have high IGP titles" yes you can but you refuse to look.

"It's hard to find anyone whose dogs on average make it to the double digits" literally we have an entire longevity listing and you are just blatantly ignoring it.

"Those dogs you found don't fit my bitch" maybe not but the dog that you used that supposedly fits your bitch is also effectively her entire pedigree copy/pasted so congrats they're closer related than full blood siblings at this point.

"Well we don't know if any of these proposed efforts will work" you're so right that's why the better option is obviously to sit on our hands and continue doing what we did to get ourselves into this mess and surely we'll somehow dig ourselves back out of this hole :) after all if you dig down far enough you come back to the surface on the other side right? :) that must be the correct answer :)

Hey I have a proposal how about as an easy first step we stop making dogs with incorrect temperaments that can't even pass the basic temperament tests, and dogs with pedigrees chock full of DCM and early deaths, that struggle to even carry/produce a litter, into popular sires/dams that everyone and their grandmother continuously shits themselves over? "well........... but if we don't breed to them then our dogs won't win........." oh man bestie you've so right how could I have forgotten that a winning dog is superior to a living dog that you actually want to live with.

Anyway just continue to copy and paste your pesigree for another 5 generations and I'm sure nothing at all will go wrong :)

[chocolatecakecas]

I think it’s super problematic that everyone is equating what Jensen said to being sexually attracted to a child and using emotively challenging language to sensationalise that. Our headcanon is that Jack is four, and it’s technically canon on the show but AlCal is 31 years old, and Jensen knows him on a professional and personal level as a 31 year old man. I think he was just responding in the moment to that. I’m not saying it’s okay what he’s said, but people coming for him for talking about a child in that way and also “his” child is just plain wrong. In the past Jensen has been incredibly respectful of women and that’s all we know of him. He’s a Texan man, likely he does have some sexist views… It’s all about context and I feel people are really beginning to take this too far and out of context because understandably their feelings are hurt. We don’t have to condone behaviour to understand it. There’s such a massive lack of understanding right now and it’s painful to see. Fair enough he’s a white Hollywood male who doesn’t need defending but also he’s a human being and what people are saying about him is damaging especially regarding the child shit. Fine drag him for being sexist (rightly so) but leave the child shit out of it. He just got angry in his own panel about people getting excited about him saying JJ and Arrow love them some daddy. Like everything he says is turned sexual anyways. Our lenses and biases play into our interpretation and sometimes we need to step back because we can be too close to something. Who knows what he even intended to mean with his throwaway comment. We’re not in his head and the backlash and vitriol and aggression may mean we never know what he meant or get an apology. When you fight someone in the way the fandom has dragged Jensen (who is known to be quiet, shy and private) they will just shut down and back off and there will never be growth. There are ways to handle ruptures (with compassion, care and curiosity) to actually repair what’s happened vs making sure the rupture stays (with anger and aggression). We will miss out on opportunities to hear him speak because he will be afraid to speak out for fear of saying something wrong. That’s not okay. If we want things to change then we have to create a safe, open, brave space where people can say what they need (and be gently called out on things they do wrong) so they learn and WANT to continue to talk about things and learn from us.

okay so i wasnt going to answer this but i have slept so yk what. lets go for it.

1) its not my job, or ANY of our jobs to create a safe space for a grown adult man to make homophobic and or wildly inappropriate or just blatantly offensive comments so we can "gently" correct him. Its not our job to "teach" him, hes a forty three year old grown man. And if he's going to share these harmful words anyway....then why would i want to create a space where he can feel even more comfortable saying these things???

2) Do not tell me I "don't understand". I've been in this fandom for 10 years, since i was 11 years old. I've watched countless homophobic comments come out of jensen's mouth in real time for years. Ive seen the backlash in real time. I've seen the I've received the anons telling me i was a pervert and disgusting and pathetic and i should die for shipping destiel or saying dean was bi. And a lot of other people have to.

im allowed to be angry. we are all allowed to be angry about what transpired yesterday, and what has been said/done for years. Im allowed to be angry for him being blatantly homophobic about bi dean all those years ago, and the way the other side of the fandom supported him in that opinion and the disgusting hate/replies/comments/anons that stemmed from it. I'm allowed to be angry with jensen for multiple reasons whether its him consciously choosing to direct a racist copaganda show or for his years of homophobic comments, his years of sexist comments. We are all allowed to be angry. We're allowed to be hurt. And we're allowed to talk about it however the hell we want. He's rich. He's forty three years old. He's married. He has three kids. He's a grown adult man. He should know better. And you claim its "damaging" to him????? What about the damage his words/actions caused hundreds of queer teenagers in this fandom???

3) nothing i said was taken out of context. nothing i said was swayed by "my lense" or "my biases". I listened to the broadcast in real time. I watched the video of it once it was posted after. I saw the expression, the body language, hear the tone of voice and the laugh. There is simply no other "interpretation". It doesnt matter if it was "throwaway comment". He still said it. And that is exactly how he meant it.

4) jack is canonically three years old at the end of the show. they constantly reference and mention his age. in his second episode he says he is "one day old". This is not a "fandom headcanon". Its canonical fact.

5) jensen said "dean would", not "jensen would". Alex's age does not matter, because the question was not about Alex, and Jensen was not talking about Alex. The question was about Jack, and Jensen said "Jack". It's really that simple.

So please don't come into my askbox(or anyone else's for that matter) and tell me, how i should feel, and how i should handle it to spare jensen ackles' feelings. Don't tell me to be "compassionate", because he's "learning", he isn't a small child. He's a grown man. And don't tell me to "create a safe space" for him, when he's never fucking created one for us. Because all he's done is help encourage an environment where we have spent years, terrified to ask anything about destiel, or bi dean, for fear of exactly what happened yesterday. And at the end of the day, its not actually about the characters, or the ship, or the show, its so much fucking more than that and by this point that should be obvious.

[kaleidoscope77]

Amazing (NaLu One-shot)

Summary: Natsu and Lucy's monthly routine is interrupted by a seemingly harmless question.

Rated: T

Words: 1998

----------------------------------------------------------

"Lucy?" Natsu scanned the room for his blonde teammate, a little hint of worry on his face. 

Mira had told him about how she came into the guildhall incredibly grumpy that morning, and she's been cooped up in her apartment for the rest of the day. 

The girls advised him to give her space for a bit, and while Happy decided to heed their warnings and lay low, Natsu knew good and well what was going on. 

"I'm in the kitchen!" The sound of Lucy's voice was enough to prove that his suspicions were correct, she sounded so out of it right now. 

Natsu poked his head into the kitchen, and gave a sad smile at the sight of Lucy hunched over on the counter. "You okay?"

"Do I look okay?" Lucy grumbled, "Where have you been?"

"We just got back from a job yesterday," Natsu rolled his eyes, "I was sleepin'."

"...Well, I need you. Now."

"Hm… It's early."

"I know it's early. Just be glad it's not while we were on the job. Now c'mon," Lucy held her arms up, Natsu quickly getting the hint and scooping her up to carry her.

"Bed or couch?" 

"Bed, please."

Just as she requested, Natsu brought her to the comfort of her bed and gave her a moment to get situated amongst the pillows before he joined her in laying down. 

The two wrestled with the comforter for a bit before ultimately deciding to go without it, and as patience began to run thin, Lucy pulled Natsu closer by his scarf, bringing his body flush against hers. 

"You know what to do," She mumbled, earning a quiet growl in response. 

"Yeah, I know," Natsu didn't like being rushed, but he knew she had good reason to be impatient. He wrapped his arms around her abdomen and warmed up his hands, Lucy immediately sighing in pure bliss from the feeling. 

"Ah, yes…" She snuggled back into him, leaving no space between their bodies, "I've been waiting… all day for this."

Natsu frowned, had he known she was in pain, he would've came over sooner. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Like you said, it came early this month. Hit me like a ton of bricks, though."

"Then you should get something to warm your belly up when I'm not around…"

"I actually do have a heating pad," Lucy turned around to face him, making sure his hands didn't lose their place over the source of her pain, "But your hands are so much better."

Natsu couldn't deny that he really liked hearing her prefer his magic over something else, but a part of him still felt bad. He didn't mind doing this every month, it was the only time Lucy allowed him to not only be in her bed, but to also be this close to her while doing so. 

It's nice to feel like she depends on him, and to be able to do something for her that no one else can. And their alone time during these days are always nice, sometimes she'll fall asleep in his arms, and other times they'll pass the time by just talking about any and everything. 

But, he still hated that she had to be in pain for them to get this… close.

"Thanks for always doing this for me, Natsu," Lucy smiled. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

"'S not like I got something better to do."

"Mhm," She wrapped her arms around his middle, now each of them holding the other tightly, "You're the best. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me too."

"Really?"

"Yeah…"

"Aw, that's sweet," Lucy laid her head against Natsu's chest, closed her eyes and took in the peaceful moment. It was amazing to think about how she'd been in so much agony this morning, only for him to show up and relieve so much of the pain in seconds. She considers herself quite fortunate to be close with a fire mage like this. "...Do you think you could do this for me forever?"

"Of course," Natsu couldn't see how that could even be a question. He'll always be here for her when she needs him.

"You sure? Forever is a long time…"

"Yeah, it's not like it's hard to lay here with my hand on your stomach."

Lucy let out a quiet giggle, "That's not just it, though. Like, would you do it even in the distant future? When we're older?"

"...I don't see why not."

"Okay, and even when we go off and get married?"

"Uh, obviously… C'mon, I thought you were smarter than this, Luce."

"What? Don't start with that," She rolled her eyes, "Do you actually think our future spouses would be okay with us cuddling once month?"

Natsu stared at her, and when she didn't get a response, Lucy pulled away from his embrace to look into his eyes. He seemed genuinely confused, like there was something he was silently trying to wrap his head around. 

"...Lucy."

"Yeah? You're thinking pretty hard there-"

"Why wouldn't it be okay for us to cuddle once a month?"

"Oh, c'mon. You know why," Lucy's face began to flush. It was obvious that these moments were pretty intimate, she'd only been ignoring it because her cramps are too ruthless for her to be worrying about that sort of thing. 

But for him to be so confused, it was like he hadn't even noticed how close they are, and how close they've been since he started being her personal heating pad not too long after they met. Lucy assumed being able to lay with him like this was great progress in the direction she wished to go with him, but perhaps it's not reciprocated.

"Actually, nevermind. Just forget I asked-"

"Wait, I don't get why you think I'll stop doing this for you when we're married…"

"When we're-" Lucy shook her head, choosing to ignore his choice of words and the way they sounded, "Look, my future husband may not like you in my bed, holding me like this."

"...Yes I would, though? And you just asked me to do this for you forever, why would that change when you're my wife?"

It took a full minute for Lucy to process what he just said, and then another minute for her to replay it over and over in her head to make sure he really just said that. 

Her face was bright red, burning nearly as hot as his hands on her stomach. "N-Natsu…" She willed herself not to stutter, but it was impossible with the way he looked at her. 

"Yeah?"

"I didn't mean we'd be married to each other..!"

"What? Why?" Natsu's face broke out into a pout, and it was just the cutest thing. 

Now, Lucy's heart felt like it'd just explode. "Oh my gosh! You seriously- I- I don't even-" She was at a lost, she'd been harboring these feelings for so long, just for him to blatantly admit something like that. "You… you'd wanna marry me?"

"Uh, duh?" This whole conversation had Natsu so confused, "We're basically already married anyway."

"W-what!? No we are not..!"

"We're not..?"

"No!"

"Oh…" Now the sadness on his face doubled, causing Lucy's heart to get tight.

"But…" She took in a deep breath. If he could say it so casually, she need to be upfront with him too, "I mean… I'm not opposed to being l-like… that with you…"

"Oh, so you're cool with it?"

"...Yeah, I'm c-cool with it."

"Cool. Now let's get married so you won't have to ask stupid questions like that!"

"Huh!?" Lucy squeaked when he began to sit up, stopping him before he could start carrying her, "Wait, lay back down!"

"Oh, right," He almost forgot about her current predicament, laying right back down and warming up his hands to offer her comfort. "We'll do it once you're done."

"Oh my gosh…" Lucy still wasn't convinced that this was real life right now, and that he was actually serious about this, "...We can't just go off and get married, Natsu."

"Huh? Says who?" Now he seemed to assume there was something coming in between them, the angry look on his face nearly making Lucy laugh.

"We aren't even dating yet…"

"...So?"

"So, we can't just get married when you haven't even… asked me on a date yet…" Lucy played with the loose ends of her hair, now refusing to look him in his eyes. It was easier to say these things knowing that he wants something like this, but it's still incredibly embarrassing. 

"Oh."

"Y-yeah…"

The room fell back into silence, and Lucy let out an awkward cough when she realized he wasn't going to say anything more on the subject. "Uh, Natsu?"

"Hm?"

"...We can't get married before we start dating…"

"Yeah, I heard ya."

"...So, ask me on a date, silly!"

"Oh," Natsu had just assumed that was a rejection, he didn't know he could just ask like that, "Okay, uh, wanna go on a date?"

"I do!" As Lucy engulfed him in a big hug, Natsu's own heart began to flutter. She could be pretty confusing at times, but he was glad to have her right here. 

"We can get married now, right?"

"Ugh," Lucy tightened the hug so she could hide her flushed face, "I don't know if you're doing this on purpose…"

He wasn't, but if it got her to react like this, he'd be sure to keep it up. "You're so weird."

"Me? You literally just assumed we'd get married! Imagine if I didn't feel the same…"

Natsu growled, he did not like imagining that. Besides, it was pretty obvious to him at this point, it's not like Lucy just let's anyone cuddle with her. 

"And to answer your question- we can't get married now, that commitment takes time to think about."

"Eh? But I've had plenty of time…"

"...You've been thinking about it for that long?" Lucy's eyes sparkled, but she quickly brought herself back to reality, "I mean, no. That's something we'd need to discuss together in due time."

Still, Natsu couldn't understand why she'd want to wait so long, but if all she wants is time, he was willing to be patient. "Alright."

"Mhm. Leave it to you to wanna get married before we've even…"

"Hm? 'Before we've even' what?"

"...N-no, nevermind."

"C'mon, Lucy, I wanna know what else I gotta do."

"We, uh, we haven't had our first kiss…" 

At the same time, they leaned back to gouge the other's expression, their eyes darting to each other's lips. 

Lucy stifled an awkward laugh as she saw the look on Natsu's face, "Oh my gosh, are you blushing?"

He huffed, she was acting like her face isn't bright red right now. Before Lucy could convince herself that she shouldn't have said that, Natsu cupped her cheek and inched closer, her face heating up with each second. 

Lucy knew he'd go for it as soon as she said that, and she fought the urge to cowar away when his lips came down to meet hers. 

The kiss was quick and clumsy, but it had Natsu grinning against her lips and puffing out his chest in pride. 

Lucy let herself giggle once they separated, she was overcome with giddiness and excitement. In her head, things would've been more romantic than an awkward confession in her bed while she's battling period cramps, but that doesn't matter right now. 

"Can we kiss again?" Natsu mumbled, already leaning towards her lips.

Lucy answered by closing in the space between them, crashing her lips onto his and deepening the kiss. 

Her hands ran along his body, feeling him up and down and enjoying every second before they had to separate for air. 

"...Amazing," Lucy mumbled, though it wasn't like she had anything to base the kiss on. 

Natsu was in the same boat, and he was actually more concerned about kissing her some more. "Yeah… Amazing."

[fncreature]

Y/n, I am your father

You find out a not-so-nice secret

A/n: Just dumping out some stories (I wrote on a doc that's way too long) so here we go, sorry that it kinda sucks. I had just read the Baker Street Irregulars and finished when I wrote it, so...

~

You nodded silently, and Mycroft pretended to roughly shove you into the room.

Moriarty’s eyes widened.

Mycroft didn’t tell you why he needed you for info, you just liked helping Sherlock and Mycroft asked you to.

“So” Mycroft started, his voice stronger than before. “Where?”

“I’ll never tell” But his voice had lost it’s usual teasing tone.

It was actually slightly… Scared?

Mycroft pulled the gun slightly out of his pocket and gave him a look.

No response.

You knew what was coming, he had warned you.

In a second, the gun was pressed on your temple.

“DON’T” He shouted.

“Well?” Mycroft asked.

“No” Moriarty replied. “You’d never shoot an innocent”

You just stared straight ahead, after working with Sherlock for a few years, you learned the art of faking fear.

And it was convincing. There were silent tears flowing down your cheeks, and a pleading look in your eyes.

The safety clicked off.

You pretended to start breathing a bit harder.

“Don’t” He pleaded. “Don’t shoot her”

“Well?” Mycroft repeated.

“Fine” He sighed. “Fine, just get her out of here”

Mycroft pretended to shove you out once again.

You still had honestly no idea what was going on.

Sherlock and John were waiting outside.

“So is anyone gonna tell me why I was just used to threaten the Napoleon of crime?” You asked.

“He wouldn’t even understand why” John joked.

“Is that just because he’s a psycho-”

“Sociopath” Sherlock corrected.

“Sociopath or because he doesn’t know basic knowledge?” You finished.

“Sociopath” John answered with no hesitation.

“Well then I could probably-”

“It’s not something you should know at thirteen” John interrupted.

“So… I’m mature enough to help solve murders that Scotland Yard can’t, but because I’m thirteen, I’m too young to know that I’m the kid of Moriarty?” Shocked stares were given to you by both.

The rest of the walk was silent.

When you got there, you asked “So is anyone gonna tell me if I’m right or not? I’m new to this observation thing”

Silence.

“Why am I not allowed to know that I’m related to a murderer? I feel like it would be easier to cope with if I know for sure” You asked angrily.

Once again no response from them, who were both staring at you at this point.

“Fuck you” A few tears ran down your cheeks. “Fuck both of you” You grabbed your scarf off of the hook and ran out.

You wandered around for a few hours. You checked your phone every time they called in case it was a friend, or Mycroft or Lestrade, since they sometimes called you or John because who knew when Sherlock had his phone on him, even less likely that he’d even answer.

It was Sherlock or John, spamming your phone with calls for literally two hours straight.

When they finally stopped, you considered going back, it was getting pretty cold, but you decided against it.

You ignored your phone when it rang.

And again.

After the fifth time you checked it.

It was Mycroft.

“Fuck” You mumbled and picked up.

“I was getting worried” He said in a calm tone.

“Yeah, sorry, John and Sherlock were spamming my calls an hour ago” You sighed “I have over two hundred missed calls”

“Why?” Mycroft asked.

“It doesn’t matter” You replied.

“Then I assume you don’t want to talk about it” Mycroft said, and you sighed a sigh of relief. “Anyway, the reason I’m calling is that I’d like to say thank your help on behalf of the british government for your help”

You grinned for a minute.

“I’ve got a meeting in-” “Is Moriarty my Dad?” You asked, unable to keep it off your chest.

He hung up.

It took all your will not to smash the phone on the ground.

You just sighed and shivered.

It was cold.

And it was getting dark.

You probably should have gone back. But you were mad. And spiteful, so you didn’t.

You sat on a bench crying for two hours or so.

The sky was black when you stopped.

You ate dinner at a restaurant and continued wandering around.

You overheard someone say “I hope Y/n’s alright” It was John’s voice.

So you started walking away.

“Is that Y/n?” Sherlock asked.

You started running.

“Y/N!” John called.

You started running faster.

“Y/N!” He shouted again.

It must have looked bad, the world’s greatest detective and his assistant running after a thirteen year old girl, and some people stood in between you and them (Sherlock shoved them aside)

Somehow they caught up to you, and John tried to grab your arm, which caused you to fall, and your knee was bleeding and your jeans torn.

Now you were cold, angry, hurt, and honestly a bit scared.

John just stared for a minute with Sherlock behind him, as if he didn’t know what he had just done.

You were crying.

Sherlock, who had no experience with human emotions, just watched.

John offered his hand to help you up, but you got up by yourself, and turned away from them and walked away.

Your knee hurt pretty bad, but you didn’t care.

They were calling your name, but you didn’t care.

You wanted the truth, and you couldn’t have that.

You just wanted to know that your father was even alive.

“Y’know you’re gonna need to sleep somewhere, right?” John called.

“Y’know I can stay awake for over forty-eight hours, right?” You shot back.

“Y/n” Sherlock said.

“Shutup” You mumbled.

“Y/n” Sherlock repeated. “It doesn’t matter what emotions you’re feeling, we need you to come back for your own safety”

“WHY?” You shouted angrily. “I’m not allowed to know who my Dad is, but I’m okay to be used as bait to Moriarty for information with no idea why, and I need to be taken back ‘for my own safety?’ I’ve had guns to my face before and I don’t care!”

The people there were probably in shock. There was a whole lot of blood on your knee.

“Y’know what, I’m willing to make a deal. Tell me if he’s my Dad or not and I’ll go back. Deal?”

Silence.

You walked away.

You went back to Baker street and convinced Mrs. Hudson to let you spend the night in 221C.

You woke up to some hard knocks on the door.

“Y/n” Sherlock said.

“Fuck you” You said groggily.

“Y/n, we need you in the flat.” Sherlock said, and he unlocked the door.

You were curled up in a ball with some gauze on your knee.

That’s how you fell asleep.

Your knee was hurting like heck.

“Are you alright?” John asked.

“Of course, I’m fine, last night was great” You grumbled sarcastically.

“Y/n for god’s sake I-”

“John, leave her alone” Sherlock interrupted, walking in and sitting down next to you. “She had a horrible night and now you’re going to ruin today for her as well”

“Thank you” You sniffled.

Sherlock smiled warmly. John looked surprised.

“Darling, look, I-”

‘I just want you guys to tell me the truth, okay? I- I’m getting good at the observation thing, and there’s no other reason, just tell me, okay?” You asked.

“He’s your father” Sherlock said blatantly. “It’s obvious, I actually assumed you knew sooner”

“Thanks Sherlock, she’s going to have a wonderful time trying to deal with that-”

“Thanks for telling me, anyway, you guys have those large band-aids in the flat, right?”

[team-heavenly]

Chapter 12

This is just- waaait a minute

We had this chapter title already!! WTH randomizer! I’ve seen how long your title generator is, this ain’t fair!

Alright, I hereby dub thee by a new, specially chosen title picked from our list:

STOP POSTING ABOUT TIME GEARS! IM TIRED OF SEEING THEM!

(Honestly the list of options are so freaking funny, maybe at the end of the playthrough I’ll post the whole list?? 👀)

Anyway. Between the dialogue after Underground Lake Gigantic Lavafields and the confrontation at Crystal Lake... there are so. many. plot-relevant screenshots. Even after I consolidated multiple lines of text (from the same speaker) into one dialogue box. So this chapter has three parts!!

Remember when I said I’d stop taking plot relevant pics? Ah... good times. :’)

Click here for Part 2!

Click here for Part 3!

Seeing the text I edited onto these screenshots is a glaring visual reminder of my camera’s poor visual quality sdkdshsdhjsd. How do you guys stand reading it? (Alright, I’ll be quiet now.)

And now, the part where Gulpin doesn’t know when to shut up:

(My fandom brain is ITCHING to correct these blatantly incorrect facts, even as I know they’re supposed to be wrong.)

Qwilfish is Azelf?? Innnnteresting.

See? He talks FOREVER!

Now, I’m a pretty fast reader. I usually set the text speed to fast in video games. And it doesn’t feel extensive when you’re thumbing through it, eagerly devouring the story line.

But when you’re taking a pic for every new line of dialogue... and you have 20 pics for this exchange alone... it feels like a lot xD

Ooooh, okay this answers my question from the last post. Eastern Forest is totally untouched, presumably because you never go there.

*Kronk voice* “Ohhh, right, the crystal. The crystal for Beedrill. The crystal chosen specially to be a deus ex-machina. Beedrill’s crystal. That crystal?” (YES, that crystal!)

...Oh yeah. No one else in the guild knows Teresa is secretly a psychic. This must have been a real WTF moment.

It takes a few moments... Everyone’s staring at Teresa and making the poor girl nervous. She has no control over the visions, and an audience certainly doesn’t help.

Oh that was Qwilfish alright. The poor guy was wriggling like a fish out of water. I’m not sure how Togetic roughed him up so bad when his spikes are so venomous...

(Ah, yeah. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m a bit of a Star Wars junkie.)

“I have a question for you, Teresa...”

It’s not clear to YOU. I know what’s going on though. We get the tinted filters to tip us off. (Visions or flashbacks to the past always have an orange or sunset tint, while visions of the future tend to have a deep blue tint.)

Way to assume the worst, Magby. That’s great for morale!

Gotta hand it to Gulpin, he knows how to whip up a crowd and turn around the tide.

And then no one shows up until you’re gravely injured. Those dang StaryuBucks baristas.

Anyway! Now that we’re finally past that large wall of dialogue... some miscellaneous updates during our quick visit to Nautical Cottage.

(I just thought this was funny xD Toothy Carvanha grin.)

Er... well, actually, it wasn’t a quick visit. I’ve had a problem for a while now. At the Silver Rank, your storage capacity is only 200 items. And these dungeons have been so overloaded with goodies that, frankly, I ran out of storage space during the last chapter. So you know how they won’t let you deposit anything if the storage is full? Well, what do you do when your bag is full, too?

I tell you what: you sell or toss one item, take one out, sell it, rinse and repeat several times... Even after selling all the duplicates, I kept getting pushed to the limit. Prize ticket exchanges only did so much. I couldn’t go on like this.

So I glanced at how many points I needed for the Gold Rank. It was something like 960.

I took a deep breath. And decided to power through requests for the next several in-game days. What follows is a brief collection of highlights.

(...Also I guess I look like a hypocrite now for scolding the guild about being late 😅)

The Manaphy Egg?! HELLO?!

I picked it up for novelty’s sake. But it can’t be put into storage. It can’t be sold. You can give it to someone, but it doesn’t do anything. There’s no way to use it. All it does is take up a slot in your bag. So with a heavy heart, I ended up tossing it.

OOOOOOOO!! Our first Egg!

So when an Egg hatches, it draws from the pool of enemy Pokémon in the last dungeon you visited. In the base game, this gives you a rough idea of what to expect. In the randomizer though? Every floors has a completely different pool of Pokémon. So the possibilities are much more varied. It could be literally anything (that was in the dungeon, anyway).

It didn’t hatch before we finally left for Questionable Causeway though... stay tuned for updates!

Team Heavenly received their first recruit from the juice bar! We already have Barboach, but I said yes anyway.

And then somewhere along the way, I received an... interesting request.

First off: TOGETIC?! Bro should be out there stealing a Time Gear and instead he’s chilling at the cafe like:

Second: I’m going to be honest... Out of all my years playing this game, I have never received a job request like this before. I don’t know what dungeon the “Cold Earthworks” is supposed to be. I didn’t even know the Dragonite Scale was an obtainable item until recently. (For those wondering, it’s basically a Heal Seed.) I was super tempted to go just to see what this was all about. But it’s only a C Rank job and I didn’t want to waste any more time than I had to ranking up. I might do it after the trap is set at Crystal Lake though.

Oh and for added hilarity (see last item):

*Y E E T*

I’m shocked Tumblr hasn’t yelled at me about the image limit yet, but we’re no doubt nearly there so click here to read on in Part 2!

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part 4 - zuko x fem!reader

The night was full of terrors and your eyes were full of tears

part 3 | masterlist | part 5

a/n: i told you this was where everything starts to go downhill !! throw one out for my girl kura though water tribe mothers stay winnin

i had this scheduled for next week but elle wanted angst so it’s out today😁😁

wc: 2.9k

warning(s): threats/talks of killing and violence, lots of stress, ozai being the worst (and racist), basically just. angst

chapter title comes from the night we met by lord huron + phoebe bridgers!

The blood in her veins turned to ice as she shot a panicked look at Zuko.

“What?” A frown was already forming on Zuko’s face despite his efforts to remain impassive. “Why?”

“I’m unaware of the reason, my prince. All I know is that I am supposed to escort you to the throne room, then once you are finished to deliver the servant. Another guard will be here shortly for her.” A pregnant pause hung in the air as the two children met each other’s eyes, the fear obvious in Y/N’s.

“I’m sure you know that the Fire Lord does not like to be kept waiting, Prince Zuko.” The guard’s voice brought them back to reality and Zuko nodded unsteadily as he began to walk with the guard, shooting a look that he hoped was reassuring back at Y/N.

She couldn’t even return the sentiment — she was completely frozen in place despite the age old urge to run shooting through her body. Servants didn’t meet with the Fire Lord in any sort of formal way — Spirits, they barely even talked to the royal family as a whole unless it was for some kind of business reason; even then they were at risk of their infamous explosive tempers.

Y/N might’ve been young, but she understood just as much — she was as good as dead the moment that guard arrived.

What was she supposed to do? Y/N was a child, a servant — if the Fire Lord wanted to see her, she had no choice but to follow along with it. But she knew that nothing good was going to come out of this. She cherished her friendship with Zuko more than anything but she hadn’t been treating it as seriously as she should’ve.

Her mother was right. She couldn’t imagine her life without Zuko now, but Y/N knew now that she never should’ve attempted anything more than professionalism. The Fire Nation was a cruel place, the Fire Lord was a cruel man, and she was going to pay the price for trying to go against it.

As if summoned by her thoughts, her mother came storming around the corner with an unusual haste in her step, the fire blazing in her eyes only offset by the pure horror.

“Y/N, what did you do?” Her mother’s frenzied voice went in one ear and out the other as she just stared at her wide eyed, mouth opening and closing but nothing coming out. “Why did I hear the Fire Lord’s personal servants talking about meeting with a servant girl?”

“I— I—” The stammered syllable was all that she could get out, but Kura didn’t wait for an answer. She grabbed her daughter’s hand and began to run, constantly looking behind her as they darted through the hallways towards the servants’ quarters. Once they had arrived, she slammed the door shut behind them and immediately got to work.

“I’m sorry!” she cried, finally managing to form a sentence. “I— I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking about—”

“You weren’t thinking about anything!” Kura flew around the room, shoving various items into a satchel and all but clearing out Y/N’s area of the quarters. “I told you to be careful just talking to him, and now— now this?”

“I’m sorry!” Y/N repeated, her words coming out in between choked sobs. Her head was spinning and she could barely breathe — no more than twenty minutes ago everything was perfect, how did it go so wrong so quickly? “I thought we were safe, I thought that they wouldn’t know—”

“The Fire Lord will always find out,” Kura muttered, still a whirlwind around the room as she tried to think of anything her daughter could need. “I was too lenient. I should have never let you get close to him.”

“I don’t know how it happened, but I started liking him and he started liking me and we went out into the city even though I knew we shouldn’t have and he told me he liked me and I like him even more now but now I’ve ruined everything!” Y/N heaved another shaky breath, the words flowing out of her like water as tremors ran through her whole body. “And now the Fire Lord is going to kill me!” she sobbed.

“Nothing is going to happen to you, baby. Okay? Not as long as I’m here.” Kura threw a cloak behind her at Y/N. “Put that on.”

“Why?” She began to do what her mother asked, but questioned it anyway.

“Because I’m going to get you out of here.” She dug through a parcel of coins and after a quick count, threw it into the bag as well. “The Fire Lord wants to mess with my daughter?” she muttered to herself. “He’s going to have to go through me first.”

“How?” Y/N asked yet again, her voice just as uncertain as she felt — it was like she was incapable of anything other than one word responses.

Satisfied with the contents of the satchel, she put the strap over Y/N’s shoulder. She then knelt on the ground in front of her and adjusted her cloak, carefully pulling the hood over her head to conceal any distinguishing features. “I want you to listen to me, and I want you to memorize every word I say. Is that clear?”

Y/N nodded and Kura cast another glance at the door, as if expecting the Fire Lord himself to burst through the door at any moment, before turning back to her daughter. “Alright. You are going to leave the palace through the servant door near the infirmary. You’re lucky — the guards should be changing shifts around this time, so if you move quickly you’ll be able to make it past the walls without getting caught. Do not stop running until you reach Harbor City — I don't care how tired you get or how much your legs ache, do not stop. Ask around for Eisuke, but be careful; the place is brewing with criminals. Once you find him, tell him you are Kura’s daughter. He’ll be able to get you out of the city; if he wants coin, give it to him. From there—”

The door burst open all of a sudden and Kura shot up, instinctively hiding Y/N behind her. She relaxed when she saw it was only Aiko, but the somber look on her face told her all she needed to know.

“There’s a guard looking around for Y/N,” she warned. “I managed to throw him off the path for now, but it’s not going to last. If you’re going to get her out, you need to do it now.”

Kura turned back to her daughter, once again kneeling in front of her. “From there, do whatever you can to get to the Earth Kingdom. You’ll have far more allies there than anywhere in the Fire Nation. Once you get far enough north, you’ll be able to find a boat to take you to the Northern Water Tribe. Tell them that you are Kura’s daughter, and show them this.”

She ripped her necklace off from around her neck and tucked it into Y/N’s hand — a simple band with a blue stone carved in the shape of a flower — and closed her fingers around it. “They’ll recognize it from my time in the tribe, and they will help you. Do you understand?”

Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, her eyes already shimmering with tears. “I’m so sorry, mother. I’m so sorry.”

She shushed her and embraced Y/N in a tight hug, trying to soothe her as much as she could. “It’s alright, darling. You shouldn’t have to apologize for being a child.”

“Why can’t you come with me?” she asked desperately. “You’ll be safe too.”

“I have to stay back to make sure that you’re safe on the other side as well,” Kura reassured. She knew that if her daughter disappeared right before she was supposed to be punished, it would only serve to anger Ozai more. If she left alongside her, Kura was almost certain that all of the servants would be punished; if she stayed then she would be able to take full responsibility — as long as she knew her daughter was safe, Kura could weather anything.

“But I can’t do this alone,” Y/N pleaded, the tears now falling freely. “Please, mother.”

“You can, my little otter penguin. You’re braver than you even know. “ Kura pressed a kiss to her forehead and smiled faintly at her before looking back at Aiko. “Can you make sure she gets out of the palace safely?”

“Of course.”

Kura embraced her once more, squeezing so tightly that Y/N couldn’t breathe, but it was a welcome sensation this time. “I love you, Y/N. Always remember that, no matter what happens.”

Y/N nodded and shouldered her satchel, biting down on her lip hard to keep herself from shedding any more tears. “I love you too, mother. I swear, I’ll find my way back to you. I don’t care how long it takes.”

Aiko took Y/N’s hand and began urging her towards the door, looking back at her mother with nothing but pure sympathy. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Kura.”

“So do I,” she whispered.

-

Zuko knelt in front of his father, willing himself to keep his eyes on the floor as well as stop the tremors running through his body. He was in trouble, he had to be for a meeting like this, but all he could think about was Y/N and how much trouble she would be in. He had to figure out some way to save her—

“Prince Zuko.” Ozai’s voice boomed throughout the hall, and he worked to maintain the mask of stoicism. It was near impossible with the countless thoughts bouncing around in his head, but he somehow managed. “I’m sure you know why I have called you in here tonight.”

He counted in his head the seconds passed for an appropriate pause before answering cautiously. “No, father. I’m not aware of the reason for this.”

“Don’t lie so blatantly to my face,” he spat. “I have eyes everywhere, and I know you were in the city without permission. Am I correct?”

Zuko swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and nodded shakily. “Yes, father, you are. I went into the city today with—”

“With a servant girl?” The flames on either side of him flared up as a result of his growing anger. “I would ask what was going through your head when you decided to do something so stupid, but it doesn’t seem like anything is going on up there.”

“She needed silks for a project she was working on,” he said, trying in vain to defend himself. “She didn’t have the materials that she needed so I thought I would take her out into the city to help her.” It was so much more than that, but Zuko feared for what would happen if his father knew the feelings he harbored for her.

“You are the crown prince,” Ozai growled. “It is not your job to help servants. You should know better than to go prancing around with Water Tribe savages, but I suppose I have to teach you a lesson.”

“Please, don’t—“ Zuko began, but he was cut off yet again.

“You will speak when spoken to,” he interrupted through gritted teeth. “If you won’t take such a coveted position seriously, then I will take it into my own hands. I will not have your feelings ruining the image of this family after how hard I have worked. The Water Tribe peasant will suffer severe consequences, and it will be your fault. This will be your lesson to remember just who you are. Nothing in this world comes without a cost."

Zuko felt his heart stop for just a moment as his father’s golden eyes bore into his own, and he dug his nails into the flesh of his palm in a half-hearted attempt to stay calm. “Father, is this really necessary?”

“The mere fact that you are questioning my decision proves that it is,” Ozai seethed. “This is not your choice to make, and every attempt in undermining my authority will make her suffer more. Do you understand?”

He found himself unable to speak, the horror of the situation still processing in his head. Y/N was going to get hurt, possibly killed, and it was all his fault. He should’ve been more careful, he shouldn’t have been around her at all, he was being completely selfish by wanting her company and now his father was going to—

“I will not repeat myself again; do you understand?”

Zuko inhaled sharply and nodded, his vision coming back into focus as he croaked out a “yes”.

Ozai appeared less than satisfied, but it seemed the extended company of his son was not worth worming a better answer out of him. He directed his attention to the guard waiting by the door. “Take him back to his quarters — station two guards outside to ensure that he stays put. Once you are done, find the savage and throw her in a cell. A night in the cold will loosen her tongue. You are dismissed.”

Zuko felt numb as he pulled himself up from the floor, bowed, and walked out of the throne room with the guard. Every fibre of his being screamed at him to break away from the guard, to run and find Y/N, and take her away from this dreaded place before any harm could come to her.

But he didn’t. He remained in place, following the guard silently to his room as a storm brewed in his mind.

What in Agni’s name had he pulled her into?

-

Prince Zuko doesn’t sleep a wink that night, spending every moment staring out the window with wide eyes and a petrified heart. He has no idea how Y/N is going to get out of this, and he feels like a coward for not being able to protect her. What good is any kind of honor if this was the cost?

The next day, he is forced to be with a guard at all times — he doesn’t catch a single glimpse of the waterbender.

The next day, the rest of the week, a month — no sign of her. He tries to find Kura, but is met with the same result. He manages to sneak his way into the prison, but he can’t even find her there. None of the other servants will tell him anything about their whereabouts, either out of fear that the same will happen to them or direct orders from his father.

He feels like he’s tainted, like he only brings pain to those around him. His mother gone, his love missing, dead, or worse, and the same for her mother. The effortless cruelty his father shows to everyone around him — it makes him wonder if that’s what will become of him when he eventually takes the throne.

It makes Zuko sick, to think of what she went through and that he was the cause of it. It takes everything in him to hold the tears back, but the floodgates open at night when he is alone — with Y/N gone, he feels that way more often than not.

Every sign points to her being dead, but Zuko prays to every spirit he knows that she somehow found a way out.

-

Y/N doesn’t sleep either that night, every breath and every step dedicated to getting farther away from the palace. Every sound she hears sends tremors through her body, expecting every cracked branch or bump in the night to be someone coming to finish the job. More than once she questions what in Tui’s name is she doing, and Y/N knows that her mother’s final words are the only reason she is able to get through this.

She feels like a coward for leaving. Her mother is going to bear the consequences, and it’s more than likely other servants will suffer because of her too. And Zuko — she has no idea what is going to happen to him. He may be the crown prince, but title has never stopped Ozai before. She doubts it will stop him now. Knowing that it won’t last is the only comfort — she’s just a servant; punishment will only be inflicted to make an example out of the situation and then it will be left alone.

At least, that’s what she hopes for.

Y/N tells herself that she will reunite with Zuko no matter the cost. No matter how long it takes, how much she has to go through, even if she has to break into the damn palace — she knows that her story with the prince is not over, even if she has to keep writing it herself.

She will see him again. Y/N knows that much.

-

oops²

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ehfar: @chandies-sideblog @persica27 @anzanity

atla: @marianne1806

[writer-ish]

Hi Kat! Here are this week's questions for E x B!

Not Yet Wed Questions

Note: Great Scott! This week, we are going back in time to MC’s intern year. Think of Ethan’s relationship with them at this point and answer the following questions accordingly. It is entirely up to you when in year 1 this takes place (pre/post Miami, pre/post CH 15, etc). Feel free to answer with dialogue or pictures or both :) Have fun!

No worries. All of this is off the record and HR will never know!

The setting for this answers is:

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought__________

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Three people at work your coworker hates?

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

(Bonus round! Feel free to skip.)

Never have I Ever:

come into work hungover

had a fistfight

been kicked out of a bar

gotten a tattoo

broken someone’s heart

been in love

For MC (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Last thing he texted you?

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

For Ethan (MC is not there)

Where do you see her in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Last thing she texted you?

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Thank you to @jamespotterthefirst for humouring me and sending me these questions. I hope that it will help with my OPH/writing rut! I'm so excited to answer them for Brooke x Ethan. 🥰

The setting is: post-Dolores/the Naveen reveal, but pre-Miami.

Let's get started!

INT. COFFEE SHOP - MID-AFTERNOON

Two doctors sit at a small table. One has her leg crossed, foot swinging lightly. Her face is open and slightly amused. The other has his hands clasped loosely between his open legs. He is blatantly less impressed than his colleague.

Ethan: This is ludicrous.

Brooke: [laughs lightly] Can't you just humour them?

Ethan: Last time I checked, we had a job that didn't involve answering foolish questions for some sophomore publication.

Brooke: They want to humanize the doctors in the hospital. Make us more… approachable. It's not a bad idea.

Ethan: [in a low grumble] I don't want to be approached or humanized.

Brooke [loud laugh] Shocker.

Are we all set to begin?

Brooke: [clears throat] Er, yes. Sorry.

Ethan: [glares]

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought ____________

Brooke and Ethan: [look at each other for a beat, then speak simultaneously]

Brooke: Well, I— Ethan: She, uh—

Ethan: [clears throat] You go first.

Brooke: [shoots him a look] Well. I, uh, was taken aback by your presence.

Ethan: What does that mean?

Brooke: Well, you know, you're very—you command a room, let's just say. And then you got awfully bossy, but it was good because I was panicking. And, uh—that's pretty much it. Your turn.

Ethan: I thought she was very young and inexperienced. And I was proven correct almost immediately.

Brooke: [elbows him] Can't you say something nice?

Ethan: You said commanding and bossy!

Brooke: It was a compliment!

Ethan: Fine. She was…surprisingly competent for an intern.

Brooke: [sarcastically waves a hand in front of her face] My goodness, I'm swooning.

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Brooke and Ethan: "Fuck."

Brooke: It's not very professional, but—

Ethan: —it is necessary at times. Although I did hear another one from you the other day that I quite enjoyed. "Son of a whore", was it?

Brooke: [blushes] Whoops.

Ethan: You're lucky there weren't any patients around.

Brooke: [innocently] Patients don't swear?

Ethan: [withering look] I'll let you know when patients need to be held to the same professional standards as the doctors who treat them.

Brooke: Well, whatever. I was in the supply closet anyway and it was because I had gotten a cardboard papercut, which is notoriously the worst kind of papercut—[suddenly eyes him suspiciously] I didn't even know you were there.

Ethan: [coughs] I was, uh, walking past when I heard your inappropriate outburst and I stopped to ensure it wasn't a wayward psychiatric patient lost amongst the halls.

Brooke: [dryly] Hilarious.

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Brooke: Oh, blue. Blue-blue. Like, a very crystal clear blue.

Ethan: I think we get it. Brooke's eyes are hazel but they err on the side of green.

Brooke: "Err on the side of green"?

Ethan: Yes. Like when you wore that sweater the other day, they appeared more— [clears throat] I'm not going to sit here and explain the illusion of refractory light. Next question.

Three people at work your coworker hates?

Brooke: [dryly] Just thr—?

Ethan: [cuts her off] Yes, yes, we get the joke, I hate everyone. Brooke on the other hand, hates no one. I believe she should be more discerning.

Brooke: You would.

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

Ethan: Endearing? I—

Brooke: Oh, oh—the tie thing!

Ethan: The… tie thing?

Brooke: You do this thing when you're trying to get your emotions under control. It's like a [presses thumb against her other fingers in a crab-claw gesture] grab all the way down and then a flat palm just to smooth it again. [mimics a smoothing gesture down the front of her shirt, keeping her face pinched and stoic]. The "double-tie-grab-and-smooth" is what I call it. As of two seconds ago.

Ethan: Fascinating. As for Brooke, I can think of two.

Brooke: Here we go.

Ethan: The first is to ensure she never borrows your pen, as it will be returned to you as though someone inserted it into a pencil sharpener. I don't know how she isn't covered in ink constantly, the way she gnaws on the ends so violently.

Brooke: First of all, it's not that bad. Secondly, [mumbles] I have had a pen or two explode on me.

Ethan: I am extremely unsurprised. And the second is the sheer number of cardigans left everywhere - around my office, the faculty room, patients' rooms, and so on. She leaves them like breadcrumbs in a children's fairytale.

Brooke: [laughing too hard to speak]

Ethan: Yes, very funny and professional.

Brooke: [still laughing] Could you at least…grab one…next time you see it? I'm running low!

Ethan: What a surprise.

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

Ethan: [scoffs] A "crush"? The very concept of a 'crush' is extremely juvenile and I refuse to pander to such incongruous—

Brooke: Dr. Harper Emery

Ethan: [splutters] I beg your pardon?

Brooke: [smirks]

Ethan: Well, yours would be that scalpel jockey surfer boy that's always mooning over you.

Brooke: [turns to him, aghast] Bryce? I don't have a crush on him! And neither does he. On me, I mean.

Ethan: On you, indeed.

Brooke: What's that supposed to mean?

Ethan: Hmm? Oh, nothing. Simply that the way he pressed you to the floor in the observation room of Surgery B would say otherwise, that's all.

Brooke: [blushes deeply] You saw that?

Ethan: I see everything, Rookie.

[There is an extended, awkward silence.]

Never Have I Ever:

Ethan: What is this now?

Brooke: [hides a smile] It's a game. A drinking game. You really don't know it?

Ethan: If you're asking if I'm familiar with a college-level excuse to get sauced and forget about my classes for the next week, then no. I don't know it.

Brooke: [rolls her eyes] It's simple. They ask a question. If you've done it, you take a drink. If you haven't, you don't. And [lightly swings her take-out coffee cup in his face] I don't think you'll get drunk on herbal tea, so you'll be fine.

Okay, let's begin. Never have I ever…

...come into work hungover

Brooke and Ethan: [take a drink]

Brooke: Really?

Ethan: I wish I could affect the same level of surprise for you.

...had a fistfight

Brooke and Ethan: [take a drink]

Ethan: [raises an eyebrow at Brooke]

Brooke: [shrugs] Rowdy childhood.

Ethan: [nods] Same. [coughs] Perhaps… rowdy adolescence. And, uh, [another light cough] early adulthood, as well.

Brooke: Dr. Ramsey!

...been kicked out of a bar

Ethan: [takes a drink]

Brooke: Oh?

Ethan: That rowdy early adulthood I spoke of? Yeah.

Brooke: Ah.

...gotten a tattoo

Brooke: [avoids eye contact, takes a drink]

Ethan: [turns to her swiftly, looking shocked, then quickly composes himself] Let me guess - dolphin on your ankle?

Brooke: Shut up.

Ethan: Christ, am I right?

Brooke: No, but you might as well be.

Ethan: [laughs, which seems to surprise them both, then clears his throat] We all have regrets, Dr Spiers.

Brooke: [grimaces and slouches in her seat]

Ethan: [stares at her for a beat longer than necessary, before leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful expression]

...broken someone’s heart

Ethan and Brooke: [quickly look at each other; neither drinks]

Brooke: No? You?

Ethan: What's that supposed to mean?

Brooke: Just surprised all this [gestures vaguely at his face] didn't get the ladies all worked up in—where are you from?

Ethan: Rhode Island. And no, "all this" [gestures to his own face] took awhile to grow into itself, I assure you.

Brooke: [laughs] Oh, big same.

Ethan: [gives her a sidelong glance, a soft smile playing at his lips]

...been in love

Brooke: [takes a drink]

Ethan: Really?

Brooke: What, it's so hard to believe?

Ethan: Well, you said you'd never broken someone's heart.

Brooke: [smiles at him softly, a bit sadly] Never said my heart hadn't been broken, Dr Ramsey. Some people are the heartbreakers, some are the broken-hearted.

Ethan: [splutters] Preposterous.

Brooke: [looks surprised] What is?

Ethan: That you—I mean, that is—that someone— [he pauses, fidgeting with his tie before smoothing it down] It's his loss, Rookie. [clears his throat, looking away]

Brooke: [smiles, bemused yet pleased, a warmth in her eyes] Thank you, Dr Ramsey.

For Brooke (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

Oh, [scoffs out a laugh] wherever he wants to be. He's Ethan freaking Ramsey. He can do whatever he wants. What's the highest position in the hospital? Chief of Medicine? That. [Thinks for a moment] Well, no, actually. He probably wouldn't want to be admin. But whatever he could do that would still have him on the ground, helping people, at the highest level of expertise - that's where he'll be.

And, uh, personally?

Oh. Well. [fidgets, looks away]. I'm sure I don't know. Probably married to some supermodel who will put up with him never being home and always being reticent and grouchy. [Laughs humourlessly]

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Oh gosh. [Pauses] Probably how much he cares. I know you see him now and you think, god, what an asshole. And you're not wrong. But the truth is, he has to maintain this facade of a huge, unfeeling jerk, because the fact of the matter is he cares so deeply. [Her expression goes distant and soft]. Honestly, he cares so much I'm worried it will be his downfall one day.

Last thing he texted you?

[Laughs] He hates texting. But I think it was, "What time is this - redacted - thing again"?

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

Ah… [laughs uncomfortably] What, like, right now? The way we are? Or as two… random people in a bar?

Right now. The way you are.

[Blushes and continues to laugh awkwardly] Is he—you said he won't see these?

No, this part will be anonymous and the information gathered will be for statistical purposes, not anecdotal.

[Fake bravado affectation] Oh, well, if it's for statistics— [pauses] I would say yes. In a heartbeat. I would say yes. [Smiles, almost apologetically] I mean, have you seen him?

For Ethan (Brooke is not there)

Where do you see her in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

Wherever she wants to be. She's a highly motivated and intelligent individual. I give her a hard time, because I see great potential in her and feel as though, as her mentor, she should be pushed to achieve the pinnacle of success. Which is undoubtedly capable of.

And personal?

I don't presume to know what the future holds for my interns' personal lives. [A long pause] But I would hope… [clears throat, picks non-existent lint off his pants, continues gruffly] I would hope she remains happy and healthy, without anymore instances of [clears throat, again] heartbreak. Of any kind.

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

I'm sorry?

What do you find attractive—

No, I heard you, I just find this sort of question wildly inappropriate and I refuse to answer it.

Okay, so we'll just put down 'nothing'.

Hold on, don't—I didn't say nothing. Just say I didn't answer.

We need some sort of answer.

Oh, for Christ's sake—will she see this? Will anyone?

No, it's information that will be used for statistical—

Fine, alright, I don't care. She's obviously an incredibly attractive woman. Are you happy? [Pauses] I mean, specifically? I would say her eyes. Especially when she smiles and they crinkle up on the sides. Also, her laugh. She's not a woman who 'titters'. Brooke isn't afraid to—well, to simply live. She laughs loudly, loves boldly, defends strongly. [His expression grows thoughtful,] She said I was a presence in a room? When she walks into—anywhere, the entire room stands still. It's like the air has been sucked out of it. And within seconds, they're enthralled. Within minutes, they love her. That's Brooke. [Clears throat] Don't put any of that. Just write down "Her intelligence."

Last thing she texted you?

"Be nice." And then some moving picture image of a dog wagging its finger. [Rolls his eyes] I hate texting.

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

[Sighs wearily]

Again, she won't know. It's for statistical—

[Waves hand dismissively before sighing once more] In an ideal world—[cuts himself off and tries again] Look. Any man would be lucky to have Dr. Brooke Spiers as his partner. [Pauses] And that includes me. [clears throat] But we don't live in an ideal world. And a relationship between her and I would not only be inappropriate, but it would also inhibit her potential to achieve the highest levels of success that she is capable of achieving. [Pauses] And I would never do that to her.

[Stands up abruptly] Are we done here? We're done. Rookie! [Leaves to meet Dr. Spiers, who is waiting for him outside.]

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - LATE AFTERNOON

OBSERVED FROM INSIDE THE COFFEE SHOP

The two doctors greet each other with a smile. NOTE: Dr Ramsey immediately appears calmer in the other doctor's presence.

He says something and Dr Spiers bumps him playfully with her shoulder. Dr Ramsey continues to speak, gesturing towards her ankle, and Dr Spiers throws her head back and laughs loudly.

Dr Ramsey watches her laugh with a small smile on his face, before allowing her shove him lightly in the direction that they are meant to take.

They walk side by side, chatting and smiling, until they disappear from view.