#once i have to move out im likely going to live in the ghetto

[magnoliamyrrh]

i think that whole "never felt safe growing up and most of my life" thing did real damage to my psyche lmao

[thatbitchery]

Very few things in this world will do you more harm than living around radioactive material. Second on that list is being a pick me. For any group of people.

That face girls make when they realize being a feminist doesn't mean being a girls girl to me and I am NOT. *YouRe NoT a GirLs giRl* babygirl yes obviously. What I look like playing with you just because we have similar anatomy lol. I am a me girl. I'm loyal to my goals and my paycheck. I'm not a ride or die I'm a ride and the second this stops being good for me Imma kick you out of the car lol. My loyalty is to my goals and paycheck. I put the self in selfish.

Nice girls finish last. Pick me's don't even finish at all. They lose the game at the starting point. They lose even before participating in the game. We alll know how it goes down for girls that cater to the patriarchy and misogyny in the hopes that they will be spared and protected from it (hehe). Let's talk being a pick me for the girls. The other day I told you to stop being a pick me to your *roots* because your own people will turn on you for clout, like Jlo did with the Bronx and remember what India did to Priyanka Chopra when she was trying so hard to be liked by them and accepted and then she moved to Hollywood and decided fuck all that and now she's *ouR bRown QuEeN rEpResEntiNg Us So cLasSy*. See how they didn't try that crap with Aishwarya Rai? See how they don't do that with Lupita Nyongo but see how they drag Tyla? She's trying to stay true to her roots and her roots are going on talk shows to call her an industry plant. Pick Me ism never works. When you leave, leave. They already hate you for leaving you won't win them back. And being a pick me for the girls is not different at all.

This girl I know is really inspirational. She made it out of the ghetto on her own, and not like me that got some scholarship and naturally just grew into it- clawed her way out of the mud. Beaten things that would probably kill me. I look up to this lady like I'd look up to a god if I believed in one. She's everything you'd want in a business woman. Class. Beauty. Sophistication. The bank, all hers. The problem with her, is growing up without female support and therefore craving female validation to the point of sabotaging her own self. Pickmeism for the girls. So if she wants to do something but the girls don't approve she won't. I've been shopping with her once and she was eyeing this set of lingerie that she OBVIOUSLY wanted but acted like she didn't and I know it's because her girls wouldn't approve. So the tea is this guy in this other group is obviously head over heels for her. She's obviously into him. They make a great match. Even a blind person can see this was orchestrated by God himself. He asks her out. They go out. A set of annoyingly perfect people. Annoyingly. Gorgeous, classy, successful, aligned. She is gashing about him . He is gashing about her. Mentally I'm preparing for the wedding because obviously it will happen. A few weeks later one of his friends want to know what he did to upset her because she blew him off. Huh. I'm baffled and obviously I'll ask.

One of her friends want him.

😂

I'll say that again. One of her girls is into this man so she can't break *girl code*

😂🚮.

Im like please be serious right now. You are a twenty seven year old woman I need you to act like it. The man on your dreams was dropped on your doorstep wrapped in glittery pink ribbons and came out with your name the only thing he can say and you're blowing it off because one your your friends want him?? 😂. Girl that's what they call a high value man pls all of us want him be for real right now 😂. Every single man that will be worth you we will all want pls 😂. You are the kind of woman that can only rightfully get with a man every other woman wants are you blind 😂. Girl he's a six foot unit of a simp with daddy's money and patek fillipe and had you in Ralph Lauren on your first date and Greek godliness and THAT IS YOUR TYPE . Be serious right now and call that man 🙏 😂 and have us in yachts next summer are you joking. Like if you don't call him I will. Your type is the most desirable type on earth every man you want we will want what are you on about 😭. Every man that ends up with you is immediately high value because being with you makes them high value we will want them too what 😭. What kind of fuckery is this call that man rn and get your dream family.

She can't. She's a girls girl 🚮. I'm like okay so will you marry the least desirable gay man on earth or? Because every man has some girl into him will you just drop them? If he hurt you I will be the first to make you leave. If he even sleeps and dreams that he has a dream where he is dreaming that he's dreaming of hurting one cell in your body I will personally excavate you from his space. He is not. He worships you. I have heard this man talk about you. I have seen the way he treats you. I have seen how much you like him. You have similar goals and similar values. You are who we pray to be. You are our vision board do you not get this.

She won't. She won't hurt her girl.

Well our brother in Christ is- like I said- annoyingly desirable so after asking and asking and trying to get with her he gets- get this- with one of her girls. Not even the one that *wanted him* lol. A rich girl heir that knows to play this hypergamy game and obviously people go where they were wanted- last night they got *engaged*. They are not friend groups that I'm really immersed in so I don't really care. My girl calls me crying because she was *betrayed* 😂. I hang up after she gets three sentences in because what fuckery is this? Oh no you swam and now there's water on your skin. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions. For some reason I always expect the people that have had the hardest lives to understand human nature the best and be the most street smart and I hate how often I get disappointed. As a business woman do you really not know your loss is someone's gain. Be for fucking real with me right now. You got played by some girl in the game that YOU chose to engage in and now you're shocked? It's a game someone has to win and you fumbled your chances, go home. So anyway *her girls* created a WhatsApp group to plan the wedding and didn't include her because she overreacted to the news and she should be happy for her bestie because she's a girls girl 😂. Not very girls girl of her to feel betrayed 😔✋.

The feminine is the most apex of predators. At some point you have to realize yes men are bad but women are just plain malicious. At some point you have to realize and accept that human beings are animals and females have a higher chance of survival despite being the weaker sex. Like one of these days you need to learn to connect the dots please. Getting played by a man I can accept it's a completely different game and just by existence we are two different types of players but ma please. Pleaseeee. Being played by men hurts because innately the playing field is not level but female to female I will be laughing at you, what's your excuse 😂.

The reason women like Hailey Bieber will always win in this happiness thing and Selena Gomez will always lose is the level of pickmeism. WhO iS tHe BiLLiOnAiRe who had a disease highly linked to stress. Who is always depressed. Who seems more pathetic. Who has the stronger name. Who, pray I ask, is always yapping about being in pain. EXACTLY. The end of Taylor Swift's pickmeism marked the beginning of Taylor Swift as a powerhouse and marked her *I'm the Music Industry* era. And she has never been a pick me for men has she? Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks have never tried to be relatable so they go down queens of the runway how is that going for Kendall? Gigi Hadid is also a nepo baby but does she try to act relatable? Which one gets dragged more?

One of these days you have to understand being a pick me for women is still being a pick me and only works when you're an underdog. Once you make it they will tear you apart because women are more competitive than men are and naturally are worse predators than men ever will even dream of being. Men love each other , remember that one trend where they were being asked if they would rather snitch on their homeboys or cheat on their literal wives and they chose cheating on their wives? Because men needed to be in herds to hunt. Women can survive solo they don't rely on community that much so we can tear each other apart with zero to low consequences to ourselves. If men were non communal and selfish they would've been wiped out by the other predators, women will win a literal lion over by being motherly we literally don't need anybody to survive so we can tear each other apart with no consequences. Women are vicious, please. Seriously vicious, have you seen your MOTHER. The woman that BIRTHED you. How she treats you. Your own mother that you are not in competition with. If there's no random girl hating on you it's because you're ugly it's really that easy. You're ugly and you're not worth competing against so they can score humanity points by being kind to you. Bad bitches have opps. When you don't know who hates you and you're a bad bitch look out, they're snaking under the covers. You do it too it's not like you're holy. A woman's only competition is other women. Not men. We don't compete with men it's useless. We are our only worthy opponents so we tear each other apart for sport. Do you not know what an apex predator means?? Like , how long have you been alive? Is this your first interaction with other women?? The reason movements like feminism and 4B and the rest don't really take off en masse is women destroy each other for fun. Men do it for survival we do it for sport. That is why we have to biologically be nurturing, so we don't completely wipe out this species.

Wtf is a girls girl. Yes girls support girls between a girl and a man I don't care who is right I'm always on the girls side, but woman to woman pls. Woman to man? Idc right or wrong she is right he's wrong women are always right men are always wrong this is the law everyone that thinks otherwise should get shot in the head. Woman to woman though? No. I know you, because I know me. And I pick me always.

[0prettygirl-jay0]

~•little stalker•~ dabi x reader

—————————————————————————

context~ your dabi’s little stalker, and one night on your usual following him around…he catches you.

•warnings• delulu reader, stalking, obsession, blood, dabi is five years older then reader, cutting is kinda mentioned.

•reader is kinda like toga but her quirk is blood manipulation (means she can use blood to make a weapon or anything.)

•highly recommend listening to: the red means i love you by madds buckly. ;)

—————————————————————————

four months ago, i walked past a dark alleyway on the way home from work, blue flames lit up my eyes and blue light lit up the alleyway. my ears heard the screams of two men, begging and pleading for their life as they burned alive in the beautiful flames. i stood there expressionless, looking at the culprit, with black hair, blue eyes, and purple scars. who was smirking back at me with a raised brow. the smell of blood filled my nostrils, along with the smell of burning flesh, my eyes turning red. i ran and ran until my legs gave out, chest heaving from fear of my quirk and exhaustion.

for four months i kept seeing the black haired villain, whether it be by accident or on purpose. he intrigued me, the way his flames gave me that thrill, just like the way the blood trickled down my thighs, down my arms….that was a once in a lifetime feeling, the feeling of satisfaction or thrill or something else, not like i can describe it.

info ive found so far on mr. hot villian. i smiled as i look down at the notepad, going over every ounce of information ive gotten over the past four months. not a lot…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•name: dabi

•height: 5’9

•age: 23

• purple scars that surrounded half of his body due to the heat of his quirk. name: blueflames.

•has hidden anger towards the now number one hero, endeavor. i have to admit their eyes have a similarity…

•dabi allies with the league of villains, but even then…he doesn’t seem to fit in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

looking back up and at the southside view of musutafu, wearing all black for my usual stalk my man who doesn’t know he’s my man. i sat and huffed out of boredom on the edge of the roof building with my legs dangling and kicking back and fourth was where i spent my friday night, in the ghetto, across from me, the base of the league of villians where dabi had entered a few hours ago. leaving me to my thoughts and the cold night breeze of musutafu.

“unusual..” my cold breath hit the night air as i softly breathed out. ive never understood human society, they split the world in halves..heros and villains..what makes a hero? and what makes a villain? what right do people have to split the world by hero quirks and villainous quirks. what right do they have to judge? all my childhood, people had judge me, my life, my choices. my father told me the reason he left on my seventh birthday was because he couldnt handle living under the same roof as a monstrosity that killed his wife, my mother…he told me during childbirth i had stripped my mother clean, every last drop of blood was sucked dry. a monster is what “my family” called me, for good reason…what kind of child kills her mother, their creator.

“they say, strange fascination and..infatuation….a lunatic.” my hands rubbed down my face as i mumbled into my hands. all my life, due to my quirk i was pushed aside by society and looked down too…blood manipulation..the sound my vocal cords being produce makes sound waves which allows blood to flow and move at my command, thats as far as i know. ive always had this craving for his blood…for people’s blood.

“tell me whats suits your taste?…i just wanna taste.” i softly said as black hair and blue eyes filled my vision from afar walking out of the bar and onto the quiet dark street…finally. dabi’s steps were quick in pace with a blonde school girl trailing behind him. i hated her and that stupid annoying voice… not like im jealous of her, our quirks are almost alike but we’re definitely polar opposites. the cold breeze surrounded my body again as i started walking along the building ledges right along side the two. the thoughts of red liquid filled my mind. shit. i lost them.

“ouuu dabi! she’s pretty, can we keep her?! she’ll be my new little toy, and sucked dry!” toga’s squealing was heard from behind me. how the fuck did they get here so fast? my hair blew in the wind as i turned my head to look over my shoulder and my hood blew off.

“who do you work for? why have you been following me?” dabi’s calm voice was heard speaking now as i turned around fully. shit, he looks even finer in person…my daydreams came to an end as i saw blonde buns come into my view, i also felt the knife that went straight into my stomach. twisting slightly to the left and right, my face scrunched up a bit…finally. my blood drips from my bare waist down to my hips and into a puddle of blood, down at my feet and with a smile i looked up to stare at toga who yanked the knife back and took a few steps back.

“and ive always heard its whats inside that counts…” the two looked at me in shock as i walked towards toga, while blood continued pour out on the floor. bubbles rose to the top as if heating up.

“cause my insides are red, and yours are too, and the red on my face is matching you.” the blood formed behind me as i shaped it to be a knife similar to toga’s, a wound appeared on her cheek and arm, walking past dabi who stood silently with a smirk, my hips swayed and blood spikes impaled toga, her blood drip down on the floor as she heaved and tried to hold her body up to continue fighting.

“fuck….goodness your bleeding…what a wonderful feeling, your down and your pleading, my head is just reeling.” my eyes admired the blonde being struck with fear and covered in blood.

“your so pretty…covered in your own blood..” my soft voice spoke in the cold air, my red eyes looking down at the teenage girk, looking back at dabi who stood behind me with a hand around my throat.

“think you can handle me, doll?” his ego filled his words with venom, his hooded blue eyes staring at me and a smirk on his stupid, handsome face.

“the red means i love you, tasting your blood means i love you…”i whispered as my hips swayed side to side and i started walking the both of us backward, backing dabi into the roof wall. red blood spikes pinned dabi’s arms to the wall concrete of the roof. my red eyes looked up at dabi’s scrunched up face that tried to hide the pain he was feeling. my hands gripped the back of his nape to look down at me.

“dont follow me dabi..” i hopped off the roof ledge and went running into the darkness of musutafu.

—————————————————————————

part two????🤷‍♀️ sorry if its ass, im so high rn.

[beepbeepdespair]

had another very strange dream last night. i was sitting at a very wide arcade machine in an empty warehouse, like those big rabbids ones you get, with an older woman i dont know who she was. the game i was playing had pixel graphics but also live action cutscene things and in it, for some reason, i took the role of god and was guiding the souls of dead children to the afterlife while also trying to persuade them to visit heaven's restaurant?????

the only individual story i remember was this girl called liz, she had black bobbed hair and was mad on animals. at one point she was talking about her older brother's plan to do a five year long music course and i think the purpose of this next statement was suggesting that he couldnt commit for that long?? anyway i remember her holding a water pistol saying "five years is how long toddlers have a GHETTO" and in the dream i was like DAMN BURNED and now im awake im like what the fuck does that even mean

anyway yeah liz had a horrific phobia of blood its important to note that. so yeah in this cutscene she was helping out in an animal hospital thing i think? idk i just remember a magpie with an IV which i dont think they even do but whatever. yeah and then this vet was talking to her and she was feeding this animal with something that was made out of glass and somehow it broke and cut her quite badly and there was like a moment of silence and then she just screamed and there was like an explosion of blood across the room which i guess was like a metaphor for her mental state shattering or something

and then she ended up in this mental hospital and somehow got hold of a piece of glass and i think she said something along the lines of "guess ill have to face blood one last time" and then slit her wrists with it and died so um. jesus. but yeah then it was my turn and i had to sort of guide her to this portal to the afterlife which was somewhere else in the hospital while also apologising for not doing various things for her as god, giving her advice and subtly trying to suggest that she might be hungry because of the restaurant part i mentioned earlier lmao. it like recorded your voice so you had to speak out loud while also moving her around each turn which was difficult to do at once. you could get like prewritten advice kind of like a hint but they had other peoples names in them so you might accidentally say the wrong name which upset the kids cos its like you werent paying attention to them

anyway yeah eventually i got liz to this portal and she said she was gonna go to the restaurant so i guess i did well. the old woman who was supposed to be teaching me how to play the game did jack shit so im taking sole credit for that win lmao

[bluinary]

I've had Quite Enough of bootlickers on the internet saying parasite is about the "shitty attitudes" of poor people holding them back, and that the Kim family was "worse" than the Parks because of the things they did. Hottest take was "they should've just been happy with what they had".

why do you people want to protect the rich so bad

[emikmr]

peach gloss pt 2/2

warnings: none just fluff

summary: carl comes home from military school.

a/n: so so sorry for this long ass wait and im also sorry if this doesn’t live up to the wait

“ghetto ninja warrior is back!” was the first things her ears registered that morning. though she was used to hearing the most random things at any hour of the day, so she didn’t really put too much thought into who said it and especially didn’t think about what it meant. she just rolled over and snuggled into her boyfriend blankets. they were starting to lose the smell of his cologne, but she still took a deep breath in to try and grasp what was left. 

y/n had been staying with the Gallaghers even before Carl left for military school and it didn’t make any sense to anyone for her to leave when he did. 

what did cause her to wake up just a little bit more was the smell of eggs and bacon, a strange smell in a household that lived off of cereal and coffee most of the time. however, it didn’t wake her up enough to care to go and see who was cooking and why. she had been so tired from carrying emotional turmoil from the nights before. Monica dying effected her too, even though it wasn’t her own mother. y/n had known the Gallaghers her entire life. never knew a day without them. so naturally she went through all the bullshit with Monica alongside the gang of children she managed to produce. she too had an odd relationship with Monica, and she too was effected by her death in odd ways. 

since the first letter sent to carl in military school, there has been many many more. they each sent two letters every week explaining there days, how much they missed each other, and what they planned to do when carl finally came home. this was the longest they’ve been apart as a couple. the last time they were apart for a long period of time was when he went to juvie and that was before they were together. it was still awful for them though because they were best friends then. they went through a really rough patch before he went to juvie, they barely spent any time together and carl was so hung up on Dominique, he forgot about his best friend. while he was in juvie he had some time to think about how much he missed her and how much he screwed up with her. so when he got out, he spilled his guts. he told her how sorry he was and for the first time ever he was vulnerable to someone. from then on, they were back to there old selves, and more.

she finally decided to get up once she started smelling coffee. though she wasn't the biggest fan of coffee and preferred energy drinks, she didn't have the cash to go get any right now, so she dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom and then downstairs to get herself a cup before it was all gone. as she headed down the stairs she rubbed the sleepy out of her eyes and when she finally touched down on the last step, she paused.

“why did everyone stop talking?” she didn’t move her hands from her eyes, too scared to see what was going on. you never know in the Gallagher household. she heard footsteps making their way from the table, to right in front of her. 

“why don't you open those pretty eyes and see for yourself, peach.” 

her heart stopped beating, her breath caught in her throat, her eyes flew open. she threw her hands from her face, to the person in front of her. she cupped his warm cheeks and pulled. their lips landed together and there was a unanimous groan from the other people in the room, but they could care less. “you're home.” she finally pulled away to get a good look at her love. “and you don’t have any lipgloss on.” he scowled at her. she threw her head back in laughter just like she had done all those months before when he left. their hips pushed together again, and all she had to say when she caught her breath was, “I missed you too, dickwad.”

[purgatoryandme]

(Sorry this is gonna be long) I went through your entire letter by the water tag (sorry for spamming your notifs) and you have me blown away!!! The contrast between the realism of it being set during WW2 and the mystical, fantasy-horror of Ophelia, merchant of death, extremis etc. You mix the fantastical so so well with the nitty gritty of war with the bad bad mental health of all included, the intrigue, the mystery of it kills me.

(continued) the dynamics between Tony and bucky, peggy and Steve are just so realistic and the the way the howlies w stevetony are this figures of hope? During a time of revolution and change and violence as they carry pieces (The significance of art here kills me) of people's soul to show that they existed! Lw reminds me of IM, the intensity of your writing and the pacing n layering makes it read like an epic (w one definitive goal but small stories dozens of layers). It's, just, vey good (3/3) I won't even start about the plot n else bc that would actually kill me but also if you decide to not work on Lw is there any way you can collect the snippets on tumblr n post it on ao3 bc tumblr is finnicky at best and I don't wanna loose what you've created!! Thanks for being you and creating something literally so amazing!! I'm really sorry for the long ask and my English (it's not my first language)

Woah, thank you! Never be sorry about long messages! God, yeah, I fucking love the contrast between realism and fantasy in LW and it’s why it’s pretty much my favourite AU. WWII is such a heavily explored topic that like...often lacks any real introspection into the human element of both the suffering and LIFE that occurred during it (with obvious exceptions - a lot of biographies get into it, as do Jewish authors, but by and large published works tend to focus on the military elements and sheer scale/horror of things in a way that reads as voyeuristic or oddly detached). I was reading a really great historical fantasy book that dealt with a post-WWII Europe that was being torn apart between Japan and Germany with these magical elements that really...idk, allowed the true humanism of events to shine through with symbolism and ideas that are easier to connect to than just sheer grit?? And then two months later I was thinking on Civil War and a bunch of Tony meta and techno-fantasy (Extremmmmiiiiiiisssssssss), then boom! Letter by the Water just took me over for a few months.  Tony being a child in it wasn’t even the original intent, but once the idea blindsided me I just couldn’t let it go. Getting back into those blurring lines between realism and fantasy, SO MANY children were involved in war in ways that are intensely difficult to grasp - in a way, they were all forced to become adults (either through work, through losing parents, or simply living under martial law). Tony being a living breathing symbol of that? Tony HATING that? It literally being a symbol of his regression? AHHHHHH. Genuinely an element that blew my mind and I never would have thought of if not for Guilt For Dreaming by Vetinari on AO3 (this fic has time travel Tony with like...a lot of genuine limitations of being a child and magical realism and oihdiuashjdnasjk - it’s a VERY GOOD Tony fic). Ophelia is his foil in so many ways and I absolutely adore her being a teenager - hanging just on the cusp of adulthood but never EVER making it there despite being (maybe) older than them all.  I find the Howlies endlessly fascinating and am really disappointed that Marvel never went further with them. They’re this mixed race, mixed country regiment with wildly different skillsets and that’s ???? so interesting? They are normal men (and women bc Peggy ALWAYS should’ve been more involved with them) who kept up with Captain America!!!! They literally represented no country (despite Steve’s hero name) and were just this symbol of liberation - screw the system, screw orders, screw WAITING for help to come. Bucky complicates their whole dynamic in such interesting ways if you assume people KNOW Hydra took a special interest in him or that he survived their experiments, which presumably people /do/ know. They would’ve given people on the frontlines SO MUCH to gossip about!!! This is what I mean about the human elements of WWII - people are people, and they are going to hunger for stories and heroes in times of strife. The thing about art in wartime is that it WAS a huge thing in WWII. Art was specifically targeted and destroyed (museums, libraries, religious symbols), it was specifically commissioned by oppressive powers (the Nazi uniform is a HUGE example of that, as are the flags), and it became symbolic of resistance and propaganda both! Art permeated the ghettos, with little homemade theatres putting on plays and tiny paper strips containing poetry no one would ever see in concentration camps or shipped out in furniture the original owners will never touch again. Art was such bittersweet resistance, allowed for contemplation on religion, both could (through destruction) and could not be taken away (through never ending creation)...ugh. It’s such a huge element of how humans express themselves when all else is taken away. Ghetto poetry was a massive inspiration for this, but then the idea of audio caught me by the goddamn throat and refused to let go once I was going through historical resources and rediscovered the story of the Cellist of Sarajevo.  LW is very much so meant to read like an epic (rather specifically the seafaring kind, because it deals so heavily in time and the unknown and blue blue blue). I’m really happy so many people FEEL that in it. It’s such a massive idea that I don’t know if I’ll ever actually be able to write it in full, though I certainly want to try. I’ll totally post the snippets eventually. My transition into proper adulthood just keeps stopping me from actually sitting down and just writing - what with going back to school, looking for a job, getting a job, moving across the country - it’s been a lot. But soon! I definitely want to go back to work on CBT and Charybdis.

[staticespace]

Hey kids, overpopulation is a myth and Thanos was a little b*tch.

(Links are integrated into the text cause this ain’t done in APA or MLA, but still, do some searches and come to your own opinions. That’ll help you practice researching on the web and having critical thinking skills. And some articles are hidden behind pay walls, but I wanted to make sure you guys could at least read the first page for your own eyes.)

Don’t let the greedy rich or big corporations fool you into thinking that impoverished people around the world and in your local ghettos having babies is why world hunger/thirst exists.

We have shizltons of food. According to this 2018 report from the World Hunger Education Service, we’re already producing enough food in the world to support every person living in it. Additionally, according to this article in the Journal of Sustainable Agriculture that was written by Eric Holt-Giménez, et al., the world’s food production is on par with providing sustenance for about 10 billion people (an abridged version of the JoSA article is here on HuffPost, thank you Mr. Holt-Giménez). As of, aboooout...5 hours ago when I first started writing this post, the world population was at 7.77 billion, and that’s rounding up. We have another 2.23 billion people that need to be born right this second for that fear to be actual Danger Zone levels that common media is insisting we’re getting close to (a whole 28.7% population jump right at this moment, when we’re only increasing by about 1% per year at the moment). That, and our methods for food production increases the amount of food at a higher exponential rate than the human reproduction rate. 

Ah, actually, according to Dr. Doug Boucher on the Union of Concerned Scientists blog, human reproduction hasn’t been exponential for a while. Reproduction rates have been in roughly a straight line since the last exponential curve that occurred and ended in the 1960s... Hm. Everyone remember baby boomers? There’s a reason that generation is called baby boomer—all the post-war survivors were very, very interested in passing on their genes and continuing the human race after such a drastic event caused them to believe that they would not survive long. That high of an increase was never going to be constant, so the idea that the world’s population is still increasing in the same rate as a post World War generation is shortsighted at best and flat out stupid at worst. As of the 1960s, worldwide birth rates have been on a gradual decrease, with some countries now complaining that it is decreasing too much (Yeah, I’m looking at you China...and, surprisingly, Europe’s looking a little worried, too). Still, we will still need to continue food production in order to stay above the need line since we’re at about 1% general world population growth each year now, however, as The Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) of the United Nations states, the main issue among others regarding food production is not to provide more for already wealthy nations or that there would be too many people to provide food for, but to efficiently distribute food to developing and/or impoverished countries or poor communities, as noted in their 2002, 2006, and 2012 reports.

Now, that was just food. Water’s a similar yet different story. Even though only 2.5% of the water on Earth is fresh and only about 1% of that is usable because the ice caps are big chunks of freshwater, the Earth is pretty dang big. For example, the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) states in an estimate that freshwater lakes make up about .26% of our freshwater amounts...which is about 21,830 cubic miles of water. The average U.S. shower head lets out 2.5 gallons of water per minute. If you take a 10 minute shower....nah, let’s go further—if you take a 20 minute shower, that’s 50 gallons of freshwater for cleaning your body. Terrible, right? Well, the conversion between gallons and cubic miles is to divide the gallons by 1.101e+12. For those of you who don’t like letters in math or scientific notation, that “e” indicates how many times the “point” needs to move forwards or backwards. 

So, let’s do the math. To convert 50 gallons to it’s needed amount in cubic miles, we have to divide 50 by 1.101e+12, or, 50 / 1,101,000,000,000. What’s that Johnny? Looks like your 20 minute shower just used up about 4.5408e-11 cubic miles of freshwater!! Still don’t like letters in your math? That’s 0.000000000045408 cubic miles of water! Just for funzies, if all 7.77 billion people took a 20 minute shower at the same time, each one using 0.000000000045408 cubic miles of water, everyone would use about 0.35282016 cubic miles of water at the same time. But what about baths? In the U.S., a common bathtub holds about 80 gallons (302 liters) of water. That’s not counting the small bathtubs that only hold 40 gallons, but I’m going for the larger denominator here. So, once again, we have to use that equation to get some cubic miles: 80 / 1,101,000,000,000 =  0.000000000072653 cubic miles per 80 gallon bath. But really, who uses the whole bathtub when taking a bath? But again, for funzies, if all 7.77 billion people, including infants, took a full, 80 gallon bath all at once, that would be using about 0.56451381 cubic miles of water. How many cubic miles of freshwater rivers do we have? 21,830? You mean we haven’t broken a single cubic mile of water yet even with everyone having a spa day? That’s craaaazy.

Does food/water production loss occur? Yeah, it does. The average loss occurs at all points of production, but you see a bigger impact of loss at consumer levels, according to the Institute of Food Technologists (IFT). I’m not talking about a dad cooking a few too many hash browns for breakfast, I’m talking about major chain restaurants that buy up large amounts of food and end up not using them before expiration. The same for water—while sometimes usable water is not always accessible, more would be had it not been for water pollution caused by major corporations and governments who don’t take the time to clean and replace their city pipes to make water usable IM F*CKIN LOOKING AT YOU, FLINT, MICHIGAN. Additionally, water goes through a constant recycling process, thus the Earth never runs out of water. So we really don’t need or have to dig and construct through Native American burial grounds to make pipelines, all while using resources that pollute and cause further issues with the environment—casual reminder that clean energy is ready to go at any time and some places have already started the move to 100% renewable energy and it could potentially start with the right planning—we just need to redistribute the water in ways that make a bit more sense. The same with the food; the major issue is making sure that the people who needs it gets it, not how much is currently being produced.

Ah, speaking of other resources, all of this stuff is interconnected, you know. As you might have read in the previously provided articles, food and water production is integrated with other resources, whether it is in the production of those resources or the resources are used to produce food/water. Corporations use high amounts of freshwater to provide energy for our crops while sometimes mixing the water with harmful pesticides or feeding the animals with water and food pumped full of harmful drugs (not all the drugs are bad, but some are), then other corporations use and waste tons of food that end up getting dumped into landfills and producing enough methane to give cow farts a run for their money. “Overpopulation” has been attached to hunger, climate change, economic deficits, poverty, etc., but what it really looks like for the food issue at least is that it’s an issue with misplaced distribution and a waste of resources at the usage level on a macroeconomic scale. I would hazard to state that, considering the interconnected nature of different living necessities, the lack of adequate distribution is the cause for the other issues as well. In fact, it is proven by several articles and studies listed that it is not “overpopulation” but poverty that is the Number 1 cause for hunger and a lack of access to water. But that’s another rabbit hole.

So then, if it’s not an individual person issue or because of more babies being born each year, especially to people in certain *coughnonwhiteand/orcolonizedcough* countries, I guess you could say it’s... corporate lies.

Yep. Corporate lies + alternating between microaggressive and macroaggressive racism combo. You know, considering “who’s having the babies.”

Not saying that you’re a fool if you want to help the environment in your little ways, like monitoring personal food waste and taking shorter showers to keep the world well fed and watered. In fact, doing so is good in their own little way for personal mindfulness and beliefs as long as you don’t do that thinking your micro-action is having the macro-impact of a big industry.

I’m saying maybe shake your fist at your favorite restaurants and corporate leaders before looking at your local ghetto or across any borders and wondering if you should reenact that part of slavery and/or colonization where people were forcefully sterilized.

[drumpfwatch]

False Equivalency: Antifa vs the Nazis

    I realized after last week that there might be some people who want to argue “BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT THE LEFT IS EVIL TOO!! THEY DO BAD THINGS TOO!!! WHAT ABOUT BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! AND ANTIFA!! THEY DO BAAAAD THINGS TOO!!! WAH WAH WAAH! IM SO TRIGGERED I NEED MY SAFE SPACE” so let’s nip that in the bud.

    Honestly, this claim is, in and of itself, ridiculous. Regardless of the rest of this argument, there’s one very big point that needs to be stated up front and that makes the rest of this moot.

    The Alt-Right wants to kill people. They want to commit genocide. They will not be happy until every single Jew, Black, Homosexual or whoever they don’t happen to like is dead. I’ll get into the details there in a moment, but right now I just want to focus on that. Their ideology is existentially threatening to people who are not in the demographics they have decided are qualified to exist. If they get into power, which they are already to an extent, then they will tweak the system to deliberately harm those people. We have proof of that already. This was the entire premise of the Jim Crow era. Anti-fascist actions are self defensive actions, and those of you who don’t see that I’m willing to be are privileged enough that you have the luxury of ignoring it.

    But let’s get back to that point of escalation. That’s a slippery slope, I hear the devil’s advocate say. A lot of them just want to stop immigration, stop people from coming into the country to prevent the white race from being lost and mixed away into nothing. And if you believe that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you, or a mace I want to smack you upside the head with. Think about it - if, say, Mexican Americans mixed with “Whites” to the point where the “white race” no longer exists then the Mexican-American race won’t either. Unless they’re suggesting that, say, a collective of Mexican-Americans will distinctly not have mixed-raced children because CONSPIRAAACYYYYYYY.

    Anyway, I’m sidetracking again. That’s a whole other thing. We have proof historically that this is the case, and consider it. If these people are really afraid of having their blood diluted then it can’t just stop with non-whites being disallowed into the country. Sure, that keeps them out, but what about the people already in your country? Well, they have to be removed from the country. This is how it started in Nazi Germany - Jews were “encouraged” to leave with laws that made it difficult for them to own businesses or be politicians. But sometimes, they don’t. Other times, they can’t. A rich Jewish person might have stayed in Nazi Germany because they thought it was their duty to keep Germany from getting worse. A poor person stays because they can’t exactly afford to leave. There were also plenty of people who actually didn’t even know they were Jewish by Nazi standards - the Nazis considered anyone who had at least 3 Jewish grandparents a Jew, even if they didn’t practice the religion. Either way, not everyone is going to leave. So you have to forcibly move them and separate them from the people you don’t want them mixing with. But that doesn’t always work either, because people might escape those ghettos and take a new identity.

    This is why the Nazis called their executions the “Final Solution.” The only way to solve the Jewish problem was to kill all the Jews in the country. That way they couldn’t possible cause problems. And this is the point where I would say the slope for certain stops. If you believe that certain people are lesser and are destroying you by trying to mix you away, then there’s no way to stop that for certain without killing any of them in your country and stopping new ones from getting into the country.

    But there’s another step that’s fairly easy to take which makes it even worse. Other countries may not have such rigorous standards for identifying what the racists consider to be a race “polluter”.  For instance, England may only identify a Jew as someone who practices the faith, so when they apply for German citizenship, none of that “insidious jewry” comes to the surface. Suddenly the race is being polluted discreetly from outsiders pretending to be insiders. So you have to kill Jews in other countries too.

        We know this because we’ve seen this happen before. Every country that focuses on racial purity has more or less followed this same path. Even if they say they don’t want this, they do. Either because they actually do want genocide and are lying, or they don’t realize that the only way to get what they want is genocide.

    Stopping fascism is a self-defensive action. End of discussion.

    But hey, just because you’re defending yourself doesn’t mean you’re allowed to do whatever you like. It’s no fair if I shoot a man 27 times before breaking his skull just because he made a sexist threat, that’s just excessive.

    To that end, and I’m gonna put this in big bold letters, I DO NOT AGREE WITH ALL ANTI-FASCIST VIOLENCE. Sometimes punching a Nazi is okay, sometimes there are better choices. There’s a lot of problems with the machismo being waved around by some Antifa folk and I think that if anti-fascist movements are to be effective, it needs to be made clear that violence is used as a last resort. Of course, the fascists will always try and make it look like that’s not the case, and the news media is surprisingly interested in spreading the viewpoints of fascists (that’s another topic I’ll talk about some day). But if we don’t do things without reason, then there’s less wiggle room for them to convince us otherwise. Especially with the fascist grasp on the media, it’s important that Antifa put on a good face, at least to an extent.

    But let’s talk usual tactics. What most people don’t know is that most of what Antifa does is background work. Tearing down posters to prevent people from knowing about their meetings, informing gathering places that the people coming there are Nazis, usually causing them not to be able to hold their meetings, data mining information to dox Nazis. All of these, and a few more like them, are the most common tactics of Antifa. In short, Antifa isn’t really interested in doing physical violence. They’re interested in stopping Nazis from doing violence. If they can’t get together because they’re being stopped at every possible turn, then they can’t grow.

    A part of that means coming up and counter protesting when the Nazis show up to ruin the fun. In the same way the Patriot Guard Riders show up to drown out the noise of the Westboro Baptist Church with their motorcycles to keep their message from being heard, the Antifa protesters show up to fascist rallies not to start a fight, but to drown out the noise so people can’t hear it. One of the best anitfa protests I ever saw was a youtube video of a Nazi going on about the white race on a soap box while an anti fascist stood right in front of him and screamed at the top of his lungs every time he tried to say something, drowning him out.

    Sometimes, though, you need to get your hands dirty. While Charlottesville was a mess, I only ever saw Antifa spraying mace into the eyes of fascists when the fascists tried to enter areas not designated for their use, or after their assembly had been called unlawful. They were interested in holding their ground, while we have evidence of the fascists gathering groups to send them out to heckle and perturb the counter protestors.

    Also, note that while both sides exchanged barbs and the occasional fist, only one side drove their car into people. Which brings me to my next point. In the past 10 years, only 2% of extremist driven deaths were caused by extremist leftists, with 72% percent being right wing. (The empty space in between is represented by religious extremists, for those wondering).

    Of course, Antifa will fight back. They have to. The right will also commonly incite violence by feigning attacks, doing things specifically to agitate - like holding a rally in a Jewish part of town - or even spit on Antifa counter protestors. This is a common tactic employed by the police and the right - creating a situation where violence is either perceived as necessary or is made to be inevitable. Which isn’t to say Antifa hasn’t instigated. That famous video of Richard Spencer getting decked in the face was more or less completely unexpected.

The point is, there are times to use violence, and times not to, and Antifa recognizes that, even if they don’t always make the “right” decision. I’ve talked before about when and when not to set your proverbial foot down in that regard, but that’s just my opinion.

But here’s the kicker. Antifascists only congeal out of ordinary people when fascists begin to crawl out of the scum sucking abyssal ponds they belong in. Their primary objective is to stop fascists, and once the fascists go away and back into hiding where they belong, they will spread back out where they belong. Antifa exists not as an organization with an overarching goal and with leaders, but instead as a counterpoint to fascists. If there aren’t Nazis and their ilk going about operating in the open, then antifa won’t need to.

    Now, knowing all of this, can you honestly tell me that the antifa and the right are the same?

[meggannn]

LOL YOUR ROOMMATE?? I can't stop laughing omg

god did i ever share the full story of what happened with my housemate last year? i think i bitched about her a little bit but here’s the full write-up of my six months with that housemate. unedited and probably full of errors and discrepancies sorry cause im going off entirely from memory

i’ve now moved out of this apartment, but i was there for a year with three other girls. two of them i got along with fine, and we introduced ourselves to each other before we moved in because that’s common courtesy to see if we get along right? but basically before any of us could talk or interview candidates for the last spot in the apartment, this girl, i’m making up a name and calling her emily, this random girl named emily basically came in and signed on for the spot on the lease without talking to any of us. uh, okay? so we eventually all get in a group chat and talk and introduce ourselves and plan to move in. day one:  emily moved in before me and i moved in a few hours later. i walk in and see the kitchen and she’s already covered the fridge with magnets and pictures and paper clippings featuring…. herself. like, a few of them had her friends, but most of the pictures were of her. basically. am i crazy or is that fucking weird? so from the get-go she just seemed……. if not privileged (which i also knew she was later), then definitely some sort of weird type of entitled but i couldn’t tell if it was maybe just cultural differences? (she was russian but had grown up in the states. idk)

anyway. she had this boyfriend who would come over occasionally, it was no problem since we didn’t talk and just waved hi to each other occasionally. but from the first week she and another housemate who lived on the far end of the apartment were both having trouble sleeping because someone else on the floor was blaring their tv loudly all hours of the night in the room next door. after several weeks of not being able to sleep through the night, they’d pretty much had enough and managed to track down whose apartment it was, and it turned out to be this elderly black woman’s apartment. i don’t really know if the woman understood why they were so upset because i think she might have been going slightly senile as well, so i think maybe the tv, or the volume, was something she wasn’t entirely aware she was doing? but the other housemate, i’ll call her veronica (who is more chill but was still upset) understood that this was probably not a fight they wanted to pick. veronica noticed that the elderly woman had a middle-aged male visitor, who looked like family, come visit the woman a few times a week and take care of her/take out the trash etc, so veronica decided to wait until she saw the visitor again to talk to him about lowering the volume or turning the tv off, or maybe getting his relative headphones or something. but emily, like….. kept pushing it every single night. every single night for the first month or so she’d stomp across the floor and rap on the door loud enough to wake up the entire floor (the walls were thin and it wasn’t a big building). and most of the time the woman didn’t respond, but there was one notable time someone else got fed up enough to wake up at 2am and yell at emily (deservedly so) for waking up the whole hall. all of which i heard very clearly because my room was next to the main door to out apt.

things escalated when i overheard emily talking to her friend on the phone about the situation and then she mentioned that in retaliation, she went over in the middle of the night and put vaseline on the woman’s door handle. i was kind of stunned and disgusted that a grown ass adult (she’s at least a few years older than me, i’d guess late 20′s/early 30′s?) would do something like that???? but anyway a few nights later iirc, once again in the middle of the night, i was woken up by a shouting match down the hall because apparently the male relative had come back to check in on who he said was his mother, and HE WAS PISSED, UNDERSTANDABLY SO, AT FINDING MY ROOMMATE IN THE MIDDLE OF PUTTING VASELINE ON THE FLOOR CREVICE UNDER THE DOOR. LIKE. THAT’S NOT JUST PETTY BUT REAL FUCKING DANGEROUS TO DO TO AN ELDERLY WOMAN. he basically shouted at her and she kept talking about how she can’t sleep for months because of the noise, and whatever, but she stomped back to our apartment and they had this argument loudly at the door (remember, my room was right next to the front door). i listened to it for a couple minutes wondering if she would like, acknowledge what she did was wrong? and it became clear that she was so focused on the noise she wasn’t listening to this dude, so i came out and i tried to be a voice of reason. the guy was understandably really pissed that she would do something like that and i apologized for her and said she was wrong to do that (she had stomped off back to her room meanwhile) and he seemed grateful to talk to someone who wasn’t batshit crazy in the meantime so he mentioned that he had grown up in this building all his life before moving out so it hurt to see someone treat his mother this way who had lived here for 50 years or something. and after that i was just thinking like, jesus, this is so not the kind of fight you want to have with a family like this as a white woman in a gentrified apartment complex. like at some point you need to realize this is not your fucking place and if you must settle things, do it civilly or just dip out entirely.

i think emily eventually apologized and he accepted and they found out that the tv wasn’t even coming from the woman’s room at all, but from someone on the floor above who THEY also had had problems with for months.

veronica was away on a trip i think during this climax, but before, while it was still escalating, i was talking with veronica and veronica mentioned she and emily had bitched about the noise to each other often, but veronica said she drew the line when emily basically started making her complaints race-themed ever since she found out the elderly woman was black. etc the complaints turned from “it’s too loud” to “this neighborhood is so ghetto” and “that’s what black ppl are like” and stuff like that. veronica wasn’t cool with that, so she planned on handling any other complaints herself directly so she could resolve things like a normal person, but ever since veronica mentioned that i knew emily was a pos

emily also complained about people partying/drinking on the street outside till ~11pm, which imo isn’t too unreasonable, like normal people do, and basically being too loud or whatever. on some level i get it cause she had to go to sleep early to go to work early, but also at some point i was just wondering how she functioned as a human being in the real world

ANYWAY THE STORY I TELL AT PARTIES IS THIS ONE, THE ONE IN WHICH SHE LEAVES (i will try to keep this as short as possible while still giving you all the details you need to understand just how fucking weird it was):

in early november, emily group messaged everyone asking if her boyfriend could come live with us. to her credit she said she wouldn’t do it unless everyone was ok, and she waited to hear back from all of us. i was out of town at the time but i remember being really put off by this idea and i was going to say no, when i noticed that my two other housemates had ALREADY said yes in the chat. just like that. i was stunned. what? like, no follow-up questions or “we dont even really know him” or “how is this gonna work”? were they fucking insane?

i messaged her privately saying i really wasn’t comfortable with it, for xyz reasons. among those being 1) rent, because nowhere did she offer to split the rent five ways instead of four (they were basically going to split her room between them, which, no). 2) fridge/living space, which was small enough with four people to one apartment as it is, and 3) just overall “i dont fucking know him” atmosphere. she messaged back saying she understood, and i got to asking why this was so important to her to do now, because she mentioned she wanted to do it “asap” if we’d said yes.

and this is where my “no” turned into “hell fucking no.” she told me this:

in response to my question of if she’d want to put him on the lease, she said no, she wouldn’t want her boyfriend on the lease in case “something happens so she could just tell him to leave” (raising my question: what, exactly, do you expect to happen? maybe the landlord, who lives in the building, finding out someone’s living here illegally? bc THAT WOULD DO IT FOR ME)

she was marrying him in december which is why she wanted it to happen “soon” so they wouldnt be living apart. i asked why she couldnt just wait until the lease was up to do all this, to which she said:

her boyfriend’s green card (he was russian) had expired so he was now paying month to month and that’s when i realized, oh. bitch he’s using you for a green card marriage and you’re trying to inconvenience all of us instead of owning your life like an adult, or something

at some point during the conversation she like tried to bribe me with a couple hundred extra dollars per month “to cover the cost of the extra utlities/wifi/inconvenience,” which i politely declined. this was when i said basically “look i never got the sense you particularly liked living here (massive understatement) and i think that it’d work out best if you moved out, which you’re clearly already planning to do”

and she did start looking immediately. at some point while she was looking i overheard her talking to veronica mentioning that he was a huge fan of putin and she’d asked him to like, politely, stop?, lmao because she didn’t like his entire yknow politics, and he basically said “i’m sorry, i can’t betray my personal/national identity, i just really believe in putin” or whatever the fuck and i thought to myself, this bitch is marrying him anyway for some godforsaken reason

i don’t know why i hoped that she would be any more considerate moving out than when she moved in, but somehow i was still surprised when the sublet she picked out was someone she never introduced us to or mentioned before, she literally just said “hey here’s your new housemate and when she’s moving in” and dropped us a phone number and facebook page.

one last thing: while emily was moving out, veronica mentioned to me that she was really pleased i stood up to her because she felt massively uncomfortable with the situation too. i asked why she didn’t say something, and she said she talked to emily privately airing out her problems, and emily had managed to talk her into accepting that sort-of bribe privately off message, and emily told her ‘just say yes’ in the chat, so she did and was kind of kicking herself for it after. (our other housemate was off doing fuck knows what at this point; she was gone for weeks on end leaving us to take care of her guinea pigs for her with little to no warning.)

but then, veronica says, the big thing that astounds her is that this wasn’t even the same boyfriend who she’d had when she’d moved in. six months had passed by this point. SHE HAD BEEN DATING GREEN CARD GUY FOR LIKE, THREE MONTHS WHEN SHE DROPPED THIS ON US

and then she moved to fucking harlem, one of the yknow most diverse neighborhoods in the city known particularly for its black heritage, so i guess have fun honey

(her replacement somehow turned out to be just as bad as she was, so you can imagine why i was eager for my lease to end in may)

[sortagaysortahigh]

Nah yall this is deadass, as someone who literally grew up moving often and living on and below the poverty line in areas that most people stereotypically know as “the ghetto” aka predominantly black/brown underprivileged metropolitan areas when leftists go on their littlw rants ab acab and fuck the police-which truthfully a lot of them are performative and genuinely don’t understand how deep these institutions go and intertwine with other institutions-its fucking obnoxious and so fucking ignorant to me. Im all for abolishing the police and ive made that known a plethora of times but im also very pro the philosophies of DuBois and that of capitalism radical reform (which isnt even radical its just considered radical philosophy bc we live in a capitalist society). One thing mfers genuinely dont understand is that capitalism directly contributes to oppressive systems and is enforced through these systems that OP has pointed out especially towards marginalized communities. I know for a fact i cant speak on behalf of everyone but i do know that as a neurodivergent queer black latine living in America thats been through the child welfare system, been wronged multiple times by the medical field and the public education system (which lol shocker is direcrly correlated to race and socioeconomic status) that the truth of the matter is leftist-especially white leftists dont understand the way that things actually fucking work in the U.S. and the ways that communities of color are being CONSTANTLY wronged by way more than just the cops and that these systems are all enforced to protect and benefit the state.

I can sit here and trace clear historical consistencies surrounding that of the medical field traumatizing the black community. Not to mention the fucking child welfare system/social welfare systems which VARIES STATE BY STATE DEPENDENT ON STATE LEGISLATION and the correlation plus causation to teenage suicide rates alongside further contributing to the breaking of-yes breaking-underprivileged families to meet state mandated quotas which are not largely spoken on but do exist. Now ik my mutuals know that im a social work and sociology major and yall are probably like “bitch youre ab to contribute to the system stfu” but genuinely something that ive learned that you HAVE TO ACCEPT in order to want real reform in a system such as the child welfare system and school to prison pipeline-you need people on the inside of these systems on a micro mezzo and macro level to also advocate for and push towards ACTUAL CHANGE not just some uwu social media shit. Like yall the entire reason im getting my degrees in thw fields i am is because i was genuinelt traumatized and abused by the cps system.

These systems are not put in place to benefit the people and no matter what the shitty faux democractic bipartisan system says-its the truth. And do understand that in pointing out the fact that the education system, medical field, social work profession (which has direct ties to the medical field) are all inherently corrupt-because they are-it does not mean that theres no fucking hope for change or that states and regions arent trying and working towards fixing these systems i.e the public schools in the south TRYING to change-it means that we need to recognize the issue on a larger scale and it means that those constantly pushing their uwu leftist shit need to do more reading and research on these systems and their historical contexts and connotations which have continued in patterns to recent history (recent history being literally fucking yesterday bc these systems are all still corrupt as fuck) and push for “radical” reforms of other systems outside of just the cops-once again radical is in quotations bc shit isnt actually radical we just live in a society built off and profiting off of the oppression and exploitation of its members. And another thing, if youre a leftist or claim to be please expand your resding and research beyond that of white leftism bc white leftism ignores that of people of color-esp marxism. I myself am not a fan of marxism because i recognize that while theoretically its not a bad system but in execution theres too much room for the silencing of or exploiting of people of color-specifically the black community because of something thats laid out simply in critical race theory-being that white people will only help people of color (specifically black people) when it further benefits them.

I rly think more leftists need to realise that it is not just the police who serve the state and not the people, that it is not just the police that are inherently corrupt institutions that are not made better by the few good ones.

Teachers, medical professionals, social workers etc all commit the same evils for the same reason. All are willing to cause unimaginable harm to protect the interests of the state.

[withasideofeggsy]

In the AM :: Im Jaebum [ii]

The long awaited chapter 2! Also finale! Sorry for taking ten years to finish this. I got a new job so I’ve been working 24/7 and obviously me being me I got around to finishing this right when school starts. Well! I hope it meets everyone’s expectations, I’m actually extremely nervous writing this one because of the feedback I got for part 1. I hope you enjoy!

(God bless this photo again and whoever captured this beauty)

Word count: 20K

Warning: coarse language, smut, unprotected sex, violence, blood

Part 1

Summary: Jaebum is one of the most notorious gang leaders in South Korea. He is merciless and brutal allowing him and his group, GOT7, to own most of Seoul. One day he goes after a young female who happened to be interfering with his business, who ultimately stole 40 grand from him. However, he got the wrong girl. She was nothing but a poor student who worked overtime at night to pay for her rent, and when she’s not busy with school or work her favourite pass time was to give Jaebum a never-ending headache. The girl didn’t steal 40 grand from him. She stole so much more, his heart.

I blink flicking my eyes between Namjoon to Jaebum.

Jaebum’s jaw protruded out, something he did when he was angry. But compared to my brother, Namjoon was livid I could feel the heat curling off his skin. I move from Jaebum and stood in front of the slightly taller male. I place my hands on his shoulders and shook him. Namjoon finally breaks his intense staring contest with Jaebum and looks down at me where he realized that I was perfectly okay.

“Calm down,” I order and his eyes cast lower until they met the love kissed skin on my neck and the attire I was wearing. But surprisingly he closes his eyes for a moment with a sigh. I let my grip loosen on him as he seemingly calmed down but he suddenly shoves me behind his large frame.

“I should’ve made sure you were fucking dead!” My brother growls lunging for Jaebum.

I scream watching Namjoon’s fist connecting with Jaebum’s jaw sending him into the ground.

“And buried you six feet under!” Namjoon yells wrapping his long fingers around Jaebum’s already bruised neck, “I fuck you up and you go fuck my baby sister?!” He spits out, his grip tightening at each word.

“It’s…not like…that!” Jaebum gasps biting his lip as he struggles to rip Namjoon’s strong grip that was crushing his windpipe. In a panic I threw myself onto my brother’s back and hugged him tightly begging for him to stop. I could feel the muscles on his back ripple through his coat as he made no attempt in stopping. So I did what I had to.

I pull the collar of his shirt down and chomped my teeth down on his neck. The pain snaps him out of his kill mode. Allowing Jaebum to shove Namjoon off of him sending me toppling over as well. They both take a moment to breathe heavily with a hand clasped over their neck. I hit my brother a few times on his back for good measure before panting and sitting down on my knees at the sudden adrenaline rush.

“Okay first, I can’t believe you bit me. And second,” my older brother pants, “I can’t believe you did it in those Ryan Bear pjs!” For some reason he sounded more upset over the second issue.

“Namjoon ah! And I can’t believe you tried to kill my boyfriend!” I retort causing him to cringe.

“He’s not who you think he is,” Namjoon sighs rolling his eyes while rubbing at the teeth marks imprinted on his neck.

“And you aren’t who I thought you were too…and you’re my big bro.”

I frown standing up to kneel beside Jaebum. I place a hand over his to remove it from his neck so I can take a good look at what my brother did to him. Not only did Namjoon stab him, he also strangled him, he has a lot of explaining to do. I suck my teeth visibly seeing discolouration on his neck in the shape of a handprint. Jaebum gazes at me as I run the pads of my fingers against the sensitive skin. I look up sternly back at my brother then to Jaebum.

“You both have a lot of explaining to do. And there won’t be any hitting in my apartment got that?”

-

A fuming Namjoon makes his way to sit on the couch as I watch him like a hawk. Once he sat and made no suspicious actions to move I quickly turn around to lock the door to only see some of my neighbours to quickly slam their door shut as well. I sigh, great, I just hope no one calls the police. I take Jaebum by the hand and drag him into my bedroom so that we could both throw on some clothes. He insisted that he wanted some darker coloured clothes most likely so that he could keep up his bad boy reputation in front of Namjoon. But he promises me that he would wear any other funny graphic tees I had next time to humour me. I give him a black v neck t-shirt and a pair of shorts one of Namjoon friend’s left behind. I took a glob of mousse in my hand and smacked it onto Jaebum’s head. He runs his fingers through his hair pushing back his bangs, transforming him back to JB.

“Happy?” I ask with a small scoff and he nods with a shit eating grin. I roll my eyes with a grin as well before throwing on a hoodie and a pair of shorts. I place my hand on the doorknob of my bedroom. I was mid turn before I let the knob snap back in place. I turn around and wrap my arms around Jaebum’s waist. He gathers me up into his arms and places a soft kiss on the crown of my head.

I hold onto Jaebum’s hand tightly and pull him along into the living room where Namjoon sat impatiently in his loose black turtleneck sweater. I sit Jaebum at the furthest spot from Namjoon as possible and planted myself beside him, just in case my brother decides to ignore my no fighting condition and fly at Jaebum again. I take a deep breath and look straight into Namjoon’s dark gaze.

“I know that Jaebum is a gang leader,” I say pausing for a moment, “But…what’s your place in all this?”

My brother sighs pinching the bridge of his nose in silence, “I’m sorry (Y/N).” He was in deep thought, either debating to tell me the truth or to come up with a wild lie. His hand flattens and rubs his cheek to his forehead, “JB isn’t the only one who’s apart of a gang.”

Jaebum scoffs, looking out the window, “Mon, I think you are forgetting a small detail.”

I look from Jaebum’s bored expression to Namjoon who rolls his eyes, but elaborates nonetheless after being called out, “JB isn’t the only leader of a gang.”

My eyes grew to the sizes of saucers and I practically sat up from my spot, “What?”

Namjoon chuckles deeply, “Built BTS from the ground up since high school. It’s not as bad as it sounds…I mean you know all the members already.”

I scrunch up my eyebrows and my jaw drops in realization, “You mean…Yoongi, Hobi, Tae, Seokjin, Jiminie…and you got to be kidding me! Kookie too?”

My brother throws his head back in a wholehearted laugh, he runs his fingers through his slicked back blonde locks, “Yeah that’s them. Of course they all have their alternative names.”

“Agust D, J-Hope, V, Jin, Baby G, and JK respectively,” Jaebum adds, “And your brother, Mon, short for Monster.”

At that I burst out laughing, “Why because you are the god of destruction? You should’ve told me Namjoon! I would’ve came up with a cooler name for you.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes along with his head dramatically, “Okay but Jimin though, you seriously aren’t going to make fun of that? Baby G? And you know Agust D is just Downtown Suga backwards. Yoongi never let go of that high school nickname!” he rambles defensively making the situation even funnier.

I giggle wiping away the tears that started to form from laughing too hard, “Ahh and I thought JB was bad.”

At that Jaebum didn’t find the situation as funny anymore and he tried to defend himself along with my brother causing me to laugh even more. I stifle my laughter and I shook my head clearing my throat to resume back to serious business, “Okay please explain why you both were fighting in the first place.”

Namjoon nods his head towards Jaebum causing him to sigh before taking over the talking, “Remember I told you that GOT7 ran half of Gangnam?” I nod and he continues, “Well the other half is ran by BTS. We both want to expand so that’s why we fought.”

I look over to Namjoon who nodded along the story confirming that the situation was indeed accurate. I nod pulling my lip into a thin line, “Not that I’m supporting both of your life choices but…why don’t you guys expand out the other way? What makes Gangnam so special?”

I look between the two and I never expected both of them to smirk at each other without any signs of malice, my brother chuckles before answering to that, “Please don’t be scared of what I’m about to tell you.”

My eyebrows knit together, “Seriously what else can you tell me that would actually surprise me. You are a gang leader Namjoon, my own brother who I grew up with!”

He timidly grins, “We literally both already own everything in South Korea. Gangnam district is the only neutral area we had left to fight over.”

“Y-You both already own everything in South Korea?” I stutter out. I knew that GOT7 was notorious but I never knew they were on that large of a scale. And suddenly my brother and all his friends I grew up with are just as involved?

“I’m surprised you kept it a secret this long,” Jaebum comments.

“And I can’t believe you exposed my baby sister to all this. Especially after all the shit I went through to make sure she’s not involved with the underground,” Namjoon says evenly. Even though his voice sounded calm the clenching of his jaw told me otherwise on how he felt about the whole over deal.

“And I can’t believe you let her walk home at 2 AM every night so that she can pay for the bills to live in the most ghetto part of the city,” Jaebum adds with just as much malice in his indifference voice.

The conversation they were having is as if I wasn’t even in the room, let alone sitting right between them. I sigh for the millionth time that day as I let them rather civilly argue over what’s best for me.

“If you know anything about (Y/N) you know how stubborn she is,” Namjoon says defensively. He was probably going to be extremely upset after hearing that I gave in to Jaebum so quickly.

“I know,” Jaebum says cockily with a smirk, oh here it goes I thought, “Guess who pays the-”

“Okay that’s enough,” I nervously laugh cutting him off before Namjoon goes on a destruction spree again, “The important thing is, I’m fine Namjoon. Jaebum is taking good care of me.”

I smile up at Jaebum who continued to stare out the window, trying to be aloof, how cute. I turn to face Namjoon and he still look bothered about the situation.

“Thanks for taking care of her for me then, but from today on I will take care of her. I don’t want you two seeing each other anymore,” my brother states getting up from his spot on the couch.

I furrow my eyebrows and follow up, “What do you mean you won’t be seeing each other again?”

He chuckles rolling his shoulder, “Well since you know about the mafia thing there’s no point in you staying here. You will move into the headquarters tonight.”

Jaebum furiously gets up and grabs Namjoon by the front of his sweater. I quickly grab onto Jaebum’s tense arm but he doesn’t let go.

“If that’s the case then she can live with me,” Jaebum grits out between clenched teeth.

“Where? At your fucking dump you call headquarters?” Namjoon scoffs ripping off Jaebum’s hand from his shirt. He smooths out his black sweater and sighs, “(Y/N) go pack your things.”

“No.”

Namjoon raises a brow at my new defiance.

“I’m not going with you,” I explain causing Jaebum to scoff with a smug smirk. I look up to him and I shake my head, “I’m not going with you either.”

“What?” They simultaneously exclaim.

“I get to make my own decisions. And I’m going to continue to live here,” I explain with a small smile, “Also…who wouldn’t feel safe knowing that two of the biggest gangs are looking after me?”

“I mean, I guess. But I don’t feel safe knowing that this jerk can visit you whenever he pleases,” Namjoon says gesturing to Jaebum, “No offense.”

Jaebum simply shrugs.

“Namjoon…Jaebum is my boyfriend. Of course I will see him!” I laugh hugging onto Jaebum’s arm, affectionately rubbing my cheek against his bicep.

My brother rolls his eyes with an expression of complete disgust plastered on his face. He presses his temple with his thumb and middle finger in deep thought, “Okay. That settles it then. You are coming with me.”

I groan, “Namjoon oppa…”

“What? I came here to take you out for dinner because Yoongi told me that you missed me.”

“So…you aren’t forcing me to move?”

“I never said that either, go get changed I’m taking you out to eat Korean Barbeque.”

I nod slowly, “Can Jaebummie come too?” I grin.

“What? No! Of course he can’t!” Namjoon exclaims with an expression on his face that looked as if someone just disrespected our parents, “And never call him that in front of me, jeez.” I giggle hugging a rather quiet Jaebum tightly.

“Aww but he’s gonna be hungry…” I whine. I treated Jaebum as if he was my puppy, I was well aware of that and so were the two males in the room.

“I am quite hungry,” Jaebum pipes in with a small smile immediately erupting a loud groan from Namjoon.

“Well what a shame, I guess you can eat the breadcrumbs in the toaster,” Namjoon quickly fires back, “You better be gone by the time we come back.”

“I would love to, but you stabbed me three times, then hit me in the head, so I quite frankly rather not move for a while,” Jaebum nonchalantly explains.

Namjoon’s mouth gapped for a few seconds trying to think of something clever to say. I snort at his pettiness, “That’s true. Jaebum is free to stay here as long as he wants. Besides he paid for the rent,” I quip finally dropping my brother’s jaw all the way through the floorboards.

“Whatever, you are still not invited to eat with us,” he scoffs making his way to the door.

I sheepishly giggle at my brother’s antics, “Sorry about him…I’ll bring back takeout for you okay?”

Jaebum’s expression finally relaxes back to his softer one. He pulls his slightly pouted lips into a small smile, “Okay.”

“Go take a nap…I’m sure you can use one after earlier,” I giggle knowingly.

He lets out a breath, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh, “I will. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too!” I grin tippy toeing to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“I’m taking her out for literally an hour or two, what will you miss? The spot she sat on the couch would probably still be warm by the time she gets back!” Namjoon complains from the hallway.

I laugh shaking my head, “Okay okay I’m coming oppa!” I yell back rolling my eyes giving Jaebum a small grin.

I quickly run into my bedroom to change into something more appropriate for the cold weather. I throw on a pair of pants and cozy socks. Jaebum picks up the coat I discarded on the floor yesterday and hums when he sees his blood smeared all over the white fabric. I frown at the coat and walked to the closet where I hanged up the leather jacket he gave me on the first night we met. I slip into the oversized, but nonetheless extremely warm, coat and basked myself in the musk scent that enveloped me. I hug the soft leather with a content grin and Jaebum smiles, “That suits you even more.”

I give him a small twirl and he chuckles, “Alright, you are adorable. Hurry and go before your brother comes back and kills me.”

“Not before a good bye hug!”

“Not before a good bye hug,” Jaebum affirms scooping me up in his arms.

Despite his injuries he manages to effortlessly lift me up in his arms and spun me in the air. I giggle hugging onto him even tighter, “Yah okay okay!”

He places me back on my feet, quickly dipping down to kiss my forehead before walking me out the door where Namjoon impatiently stood tapping his foot.

“Yah let’s go you big goof,” I say reaching out to smack him square on the back of his head.

-

I slip into his black Lamborghini with golden accents and I couldn’t help the small defeated laugh that escapes, “I can’t believe it took me so long to find out that you are apart of a gang. It all makes sense now.”

“That’s partially my doing. I basically baby proofed everything for you,” he sighs one arm draped outside the window while the other was slack against the steering wheel, “Sorry I kept all this from you. I just wanted you to live a normal life.”

“Yeah I get that…but…I mean look at this car? How did I not notice? You came to visit me in a new car each time!” I exclaim in disbelief.

Namjoon gazes out the open window and laughs, “Well you are slow.”

“Aish you are so mean…” I whine looking out my tinted window, “Also aren’t you cold? Why do you have your window open in the winter?”

“The heat is on.” He simply states.

I roll my eyes, something I’ve picked up on after spending so much time with Jaebum, “What a waste.”

He rolls up the window and continues to drive, “Jaebum’s a waste.”

I take a deep breath and turned my entire body so that I can stare at him, “Seriously what’s your problem?”

Namjoon bites his lip with a deep breath of his own, “I’m not even bothered that much that he’s apart of a gang. Being apart of a gang doesn’t mean that the person is particularly bad, example me.”

I clear my throat.

“Okay, fine, example…” he racks his brain a little, “Jimin, example Jimin. But what bothers me the most about Jaebum is his temper. You probably haven’t seen it since you are still around him.”

I stay quiet not sure what to say in response. I felt his temper rising before and to be completely honest it was terrifying but I never thought that he would ever get angry with me though.

“I’ve seen him angry before (Y/N), he literally put a bullet through a client’s head because he paid in fifties instead of hundreds. (Y/N)…I don’t want you to get hurt. I know you are old enough to take care of yourself but at the end of the day you are still my baby sister,” Namjoon says finally beginning to sound like the big brother I knew and loved.

“He killed someone? Over…that?” I timidly inquire fiddling with my thumbs.

Namjoon stretches his hand over and held my hand tightly in his large warm ones. I play with his fingers while he continues his brotherly lecture.

“I won’t lie to you. Both our groups collectively killed a lot of people.”

I squeeze his hand tightly at that and he softly rubs circles with his thumb into my palm, “Oppa…”

“To make you feel any better about him, BTS’s kill list is a lot longer than GOT7’s,” Namjoon chuckles deeply.

“Ah…that doesn’t make me feel any better,” I nervously laugh, “But oppa…”

He hums in response.

“Just like how I know that you won’t hurt me, I know that Jaebum won’t hurt me either. I trust him Namjoon…please don’t take him away from me…”

My brother softly smiles, “I know you do, you never argue with me over a guy, usually once I disapprove of a guy you immediately tell them to hit the streets. I know you trust him, that’s what scares me.”

“Because I trust him?”

“Yes, you never trusted anyone in your life besides me or the guys. I’m scared of losing you,” he sighs bashfully, “And no not in the sappy ‘I’m going to lose quality time with you’ I’m literally scared that JB will kill you one day in cold blood cause you accidently touch his leather jacket or something.”

“I’m actually wearing his jacket right now,” I pipe.

“Yeah I know, it reeks of that loser,” Namjoon scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Thank you Namjoon. But I know he won’t hurt me, and he won’t hurt your group anymore either, okay? Can’t you guys just…I don’t know? Get along?”

Namjoon wheezes dramatically causing the car to sway, “Have you met his group? Jackson’s so fucking weird!” he whisper screams into the steering wheel.

“I met them…they’re really nice. Especially Jackson,” I laugh at my brother’s comedic reaction.

“And have you seen Yugyeom? He looks like a fucking mushroom!” Namjoon exclaims, genuinely concerned for the boy.

I laugh even harder to the point my stomach started to hurt from all the clenching, “Namjoon oppa! Did you forget that Kookie looks like a coconut head!”

“But he’s a cute coconut!” Namjoon says defending his youngest friend.

“He is cute,” I agree.

“Why don’t you date him instead?” He suggests quickly.

As fast as he made the suggestion my hand already met his head in a frenzy fury of slaps.

“Oppa!!!” I groan stretching out the word.

The rest of the ride was filled with light conversation, no more depressing talks about the mafia and how terrible Jaebum was. I gaze out the terribly dark tinted windows to be met with nothing but country land.

“Woah! Aren’t we getting Kbbq?”

“Yeah.”

“What are we butchering our own cow or something?” I sarcastically add.

And since sarcasm runs through our blood he quickly quipped back, “Yeah. And look here’s one right now!”

“Really?” I ask looking out the window to see nothing but grass, then I realized he was referring to me, “Aish you’re so mean!”

He throws his head back laughing, his perfect pearly white teeth on full display. Namjoon bops his head to the music playing on the radio as he finally gives me a proper reply, “I’m taking you to where I live. We are having Kbbq at my place.”

I raise a brow, “What don’t you live in Gangnam?”

He chuckles, “Like I said. I really protected you from my line of work. That place I called ‘home’ was actually just some place I bought so that I could bring you there.”

“That…wow. I see why you are so upset that Jaebum exposed me to all this now.”

Namjoon nods with a breathy laugh, “Exactly.”

“Jaebum drives me home every night after work. He even brings me food. And protects me from bad people,” I quietly list, “He’s not a bad person.”

“Regardless I’m not happy about the whole situation. But I can’t remove him from the picture. I mean I can, like physically but that would upset you. And I can’t have that.”

“You prioritize my happiness over potential safety?” I ask in awe, this was a first, especially with Namjoon.

He pulls his full lips into a small smile, “I believe those two things work hand in hand together, well, now I do. If you are safe and well with a roof over your head aren’t you happy, or content at least? And if you are unhappy doesn’t that just lead to mental illness that later just grows to be physical illnesses? So yes I want you to be safe but also happy.”

“Wow,” I whistle, “You are rather philosophical today aren’t you?”

He groans in irritation, “From everything I just said you seriously comment on that?”

I cackle evilly looking out the window as Namjoon pulls the car up a long paved road. I watch intently as the trees and shrubbery got thicker and thicker until suddenly there was a clearing where a huge gothic styled gate stood, tall and dark looming over the car. As the vehicle pulls closer the gates screech open automatically, I watch in awe as my brother chuckles and continues to driving until an enormous Neoclassical styled mansion pulls up into view. My mouth literally drops open, are we actually in Korea? I mean, we did drive for about an hour but it looks like we drove across the ocean and found ourselves somewhere in Europe. I turn to look at Namjoon as my hands gestures wildly at the architecture before us.

“She’s beautiful ain’t she?” he contently sighs and I wheeze a little.

Namjoon barely put the car on park as I already slipped out of the small confined space and pranced around the ridiculously large courtyard.

“Seriously! How could you keep this from me? It’s amazing!” I scream excitedly running up the door to find the enormous French door unlocked. I look back to Namjoon who trudged his way up the marble stairs.

“It’s never locked, no one dares step foot in there anyways,” he shrugs.

“There’s not some booby trap behind the door right?”

Namjoon rolls his eyes and swings the door open to reveal no explosion of any sort. I look up him and flash him a bashful grin for accusing him so quickly. He rolls his eyes and gestures for me to go in, which I did. I hastily toe off my shoes looking around in complete awe. Just like the exterior being of a classical build, it carried through to the interior as well. The walls were covered in a crisp ivory wallpaper with beautifully intricate floral patterns. The foyer had an open skylight that ran through all the floors of the structure as two marble staircases embraced the curve on opposite sides.

“You can go exploring for a bit before dinner starts, the boys are either in their rooms or in the game den. Just don’t go in the basement.”

“You know when someone tells you not to look, and you immediately end up looking?” I inquire looking up at my brother, “Yeah I’m having that moment right now.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes carding his long slender fingers through his bleached blonde hair, “Feel free to look but if you get nightmares tonight don’t cry to be about it,” he says casually making his way up the left staircase.

I follow him closely, “Are there dead bodies?”

He turns around and flashes me a smug grin, displaying his charming dimples, “No but maybe a finger or two.”

I outwardly gag and all exciting thoughts to explore their basement or rather dungeon, escaped my mind. Hearing familiar yelling I ran ahead of my brother and followed the voices down the hallway of bookshelves stacked of old novels and trinkets until the area suddenly opens to an extremely modern living room. The enormous flat screen displayed a rather intense game of Mario Kart, inclusive of relentless blue shelling. I peep around the lounging couch to see Jungkook and Taehyung sprawled out with controllers held tightly in their hands and a bowl of popcorn between them. I giggle at the scene but with both of them so concentrated on the screen they didn’t even notice my presence. I flop onto the couch beside Jungkook and imitated them and sprawled out like a starfish as well.

“(Y/N)!” Jungkook exclaims, quickly hitting pause.

“(Y/N)!” Taehyung echoes happily with a huge grin.

“I haven’t seen you two in so long,” I smile ruffling Jungkook’s fluffy black hair.

“Oh yeah…we’ve been really busy with – ugh work?” Taehyung stampers over his words earning a small chuckle from me.

“With mafia stuff?” I try causing him to bashfully scratch behind his ear.

“It’s weird not lying to you (Y/N),” he admits with a boxy grin.

Jungkook smacks Taehyung’s head instantly. He looks up at the ceiling taking a deep breath, as if he was asking god to give him the patience to not hit his hyung again. He grits through his cute bunny teeth, “Do you seriously have to phrase it like that? Jeez, hyung.”

I can’t believe the monkey duo was apart of the mafia. I mean Yoongi? Sure. Jin, maybe? Sunshine Hobi? Unlikely. My brother? Now that I think about it I could imagine him. But these two were something else. My brain literally could not wrap around the idea of these two being apart of the underground society.

“If you two don’t mind me asking…what do you two do exactly?” I ask out of sheer curiosity. Surprisingly they both beamed and looked extremely excited to share and tell.

Jungkook starts first, “I specialize in target elimination!”

My eyes bulged out of my skull, that literally translates to assassination. I politely smile patting the young boy’s head softly, “That’s nice.”

“And I’m really good at it!” he exclaims with a huge toothy grin.

Taehyung pulls his lips into a thin line and closes his eyes while nodding his head. He produces an ‘ok’ sign with his hands and nodded for dramatic effect.

I nervously laugh along with him, “I’m sure you are Kookie! U-Um what about you Tae?”

The said male immediately opens his eyes and leans forward excitedly from his spot to get closer, “I make top quality drugs. Even a tiny pinch of my cocaine can get a regular user so high they can touch the heavens! Or at least feels like they did” he explains with a wholehearted chuckle.

These two maniacs, I take back what I thought earlier about these two idiots being too dumb to be apart of the underground. The lack of brain use is what made these two extremely dangerous, especially when they come as a set. Usually people say two brains are better than one, in their case it was safe to say that bad decisions turn to even worse decisions with these two working together.

Example being,

Person A: Let’s rob that old lady!

Person B: While being naked!

That was basically my understanding of Jungkook and Taehyung.

Both their phones vibrate signalling a group chat notification. Taehyung checks it first, “Ah dinner is ready!”

-

Trekking back to the first floor my senses were hit with the delicious aroma of marinated meat sizzling on the grill. They lead me through a surprisingly empty dining room and continued to the back of the mansion. I wasn’t able to question where the food was before we rounded a corner to see practically a Korean barbeque restaurant occupying a good chunk of the mansion. Prepared dishes scatter around the long table with two large vents looming over the open grill. These boys literally had a Kbbq restaurant in their living quarters. What the actual fuck. I was too busy eying the interesting phenomenon and the abundance of food I failed to notice Hoseok screaming excitedly until I was scooped off the ground.

“My favourite girl!” the fiery orange head continues to scream.

“Hobi oppa!” I shriek wrapping my arms tightly around his neck.

“Ahh I haven’t seen you in so long. I was so jealous when Yoongi told me that you two spent the entire evening together!” He dramatically weeps, dropping me back onto my two feet.

I smile shyly, “We can do something together next time!”

Hoseok gives me a quick peck on the top of my head, “Yes! And I can’t wait, seeing that you will be here more often, now that you know about our little secret,” he winks.

I wanted to ask what was his job in this operation but I would probably regret the answer so I kept that for another day. The ginger ushers me to the long table and seats me between my brother and Jimin as he takes his seat beside his boyfriend. I flop into my seat and immediately poke Jimin in the cheek.

“Hey squish,” I grin at his flushed cheeks.

“Yah!” he huffs only making him look even cuter with his puffed out cheeks.

“I missed you!” I say nudging his arm with mine before digging into the freshly barbequed food on my plate that Namjoon served me. I smile up at him before turning my attention back to the smallest member with beautifully grey coloured locks.

He smiles his eyes transforming into little crescents as his plump lips pull into a wide toothy grin, “I missed you too! You should just stay and live with us (Y/N).”

I smile shyly and waved my hand dismissing his suggestion, “I can’t do that!”

“Cause of JB?” Hobi yells from across the table.

I stifle a laugh as a blush spreads across my cheeks, “Okay no! And what the hell Namjoon did you tell everyone?!”

At that my brother shrugs indifferently, “We are planning on going to jump him after dinner so they kind of have to know.”

I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. I look over to him with wide eyes and only relaxed once a grin spreads across his features, “I’m just kidding…not today,” he mumbles under his breath before flashing me another dimply smile.

I frown throwing on some sliced vegetables onto the grill and watch it as it slowly got charred in silence. Jin offers me a small smile.

“Don’t worry (Y/N), we won’t do anything to make you unhappy,” the blonde says while placing a heap of food onto my plate with his tongs, “Eat.”

“Thanks Jin…” I mumble giving him a small smile back. I could always count on Jin to take my side whenever my brother goes the extra mile. And every one of the members always respects him and his views. Maybe because he was the eldest, but I truthfully think it’s because of how he carried himself. You just couldn’t help but be compelled to listen to him. And with that I had a very good idea of what his role was within the organization.

I ate as if this was at an all you can eat Kbbq joint, I was utterly stuffed. But with Namjoon and Jin continuing to replenish the pile on my plate I couldn’t help but to eat it, simple logic being that the food sat right in front of me. I accidently let out a loud burp while trying to tell Namjoon that I was full. He fans the air with a look of disgust.

“Nasty!” he complains.

“So was the fart you let out in the car yesterday,” Yoongi pipes in causing a round of laughter to erupt.

“Okay, in my defensive my stomach was hurting,” Namjoon defends quickly.

“You should eat more vegies,” I add using my tongs to pick up the vegetables I put down earlier onto the grill. I squish them onto his plate with a snort, “Get your bowels going, oppa.”

“Okay just cause you say ‘oppa’ it doesn’t cancel out the utter disrespect you have in your words or your tone,” Namjoon sighs with his fist holding a pair of chopsticks over his heart for dramatic effect.

I take a sip from my cup of iced water as Jungkook replies for me.

“When has she ever respected you though, hyung?”

“Shut up. You’ve been a little shit too, Kook. You are her equivalent of ‘oppa’ but with ‘hyung’,” my brother groans smacking his forehead into his open palm.

Despite his leader status he was more of the older brother figure to all of them, it was quite nice and refreshing. This was also a similar bond that Jaebum had with his boys, more than a business, instead it was a family.

-

After saying quick goodbyes with promises that I would stop by soon, Namjoon gave me a ride back into the city. The ride was quiet, even with the comfortable silence I could feel his brain turning gears at an alarming rate. And it only accelerated as he pulls up into my apartment’s driveway. His hand reaches to unbuckle his seatbelt and I nervously laugh quickly placing a hand over his.

“I’ll be fine, Namjoon,” I assure him once again.

“I’ll just walk you to your room,” he grins sheepishly, reluctant to let me go.

“I think I can make it up a slight of stairs myself, besides it’s late. I don’t want you yelling at Jaebum at –” I squint at the digital clock on his dashboard, “At 9:43 at night.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes, “Okay fine whatever.”

I lean over to engulf him into a hug before slipping out of his car with a smile and a small wave.

“I’ll see you soon!”

He mumbles something under his breath as I close the door, completely dismissing him and his angry monologue.

-

I run up the stairs while a hand rummaged through my purse for the key. Without a moment to waste I threw the door open to see the apartment brightly lit. I kick the door closed and toe off my shoes, “Jaebummie?” I call out but there was no immediate response.

I see the television stuck on Netflix’s continue watching screensaver. I smile shaking my head peering over the couch and there was Jaebum sprawled across the velvety cushions softly snoring. I smile to myself and lean down to gently brush his locks away to place a quick kiss on his forehead. His long lashes flutter as a soft whine escapes his slightly agape mouth, “Nn you’re finally home,” he mumbles finally cracking open his eyes.

He squints with a deep frown at the blinding light. I chuckle caressing his cheek, “Wake up, I packed you some leftovers.”

“I already ate, but thanks,” he mumbles rubbing his eyes, “How was it?”

I sighed remembering how beautiful the mansion was and how all my friends were doing so well despite finally knowing what they all did for a living. I shrug with a grin, “It was really nice!”

Jaebum’s lips softly pulls upwards, “That’s good. Their base is really nice, right?”

I nod vigorously, “Ahh so nice!” I grin nudging him in his shoulder, “I can’t wait to see yours.”

“We can go after you finish your exams,” he suggests, “But for now let’s head to bed.”

-

After a quick rinse I excitedly jump into bed to snuggle with Jaebum. Right as my body made contact with the mattress his arms reach out to pull me tightly against his broad chest. I smile giddishly nuzzling into the crook of his neck. I inhale his sweet natural musk scent, immediately relaxing my body. His fingers rake along my spine, sending shivers through my frame whenever his fingers lingered a little too long on my tailbone or the back of my neck. I teasingly nip at the supple skin on his jugular and he chuckles, “You really want to start this now Princess? You won’t be able to sleep tonight if you keep that up.”

I giggle shaking my head, pulling his body impossibly closer to mine, “No Jaebummie.”

He combs my hair back and kisses my forehead, “Good night (Y/N).”

“Good night,” I mumble, already drifting off.

11:47 AM

A loud thumping awoke me with a jolt. I jump up into a sitting position with a groan as I rub my eyes of sleep. Blinking away the black dots in my vision I take a quick glance at the digital clock on my bedside table, 11:48 AM it glared. At least it’s noon but…what who the fuck in the world knocks like that? Is there a fire in the building that I don’t know of? The urgent knocking continued relentlessly so it physically couldn’t be ignored, with a defeated groan I throw off Jaebum’s heavy arm slung across my waist onto the mattress. I jump out of bed quickly to answer the aggressive knocker on the other side before Jaebum awakens by the overly excited visitor. I stretch my back as I made my way to the front. With a satisfying pop I throw the door open, “What?”

There he stood tall and confident in his black leather jacket, turtleneck sweater, and dark washed jeans. He grins with his prominent dimples decorating his cheeks, “Hello, I’m your new neighbour!”

My eyes widen to the size of saucers, “No you’re not!” I quickly stutter back.

Namjoon shrugs, running his slender fingers through his bleached blonde locks, “Then what are these keys for?” he smugly hums, jingling the loop of keys between his thumb and index.

“H-How – what the family beside me just suddenly moved?”

“Yes they did! They were quite eager to swap their apartment for the condo unit I had in Gangnam.”

“And they didn’t even question it? Your condo is worth…literally millions of won more!” I reason with slit eyes as I accusing glare at Namjoon of the persuasive antics he used.

He rolls his eyes along with his head, “I didn’t kill them if you think that’s what happened. Anyways, what are we doing today? I’m starving let’s get lunch!”

I scoff, “You go get lunch, while I help you pack your shit up so you can get back to the mansion by evening.”

“Ahhh…” Namjoon whines, “You are so harsh. Anyways I’m coming in.” He announces brushing me over to one side. I shake my head with a tut, shoving him back out the door harshly.

“Jaebum is sleeping,” I explain, “And I don’t need you to kill him in his sleep.”

“I never said – ” Namjoon pauses with a chuckle, “Okay I won’t do anything. Will you welcome me into your humble abode?” he asks in the most polite tone he could muster up.

I ponder in deep concentration with my index and thumb rubbing my chin, “How about no,” I conclude with a grin.

“You’re so mean, whatever. Regardless I’m your new neighbour. I can hear everything you do, so don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

I raise a brow at that, “Namjoon oppa, you are with the mafia. What wouldn’t you do?”

He chuckles, the sound practically nearing a giggle, “I really don’t know how JB tolerates you. He hates it when people sass him. One day he’s going to get so fed up he’s going to plant a bullet in your small brain,” he whispers in an eerie voice with ominous finger wiggles.

I roll my eyes, an occurring habit among the both of us, “Jaebum won’t hurt me. Jeez Namjoon. Now go away!”

Namjoon pretends to wipe away an imaginary tear with a nod and a deep frown. He waves dramatically as he back tracks away and slips into the unit right beside mine. Great, he wasn’t even adjacent from my room. Especially with the old design of the building the only thing separating our rooms is a paper thin wall consisting of some two by fours sandwiched between dry wall. He wasn’t kidding when he said he will be able to hear everything resonating from my unit. I can hear my neighbours doing the dirty right after they read a bedtime story to their two daughters. Not only was the haunting skin slapping sounds loud but their murmurs of dirty talk was also quite coherent. Which ultimately means I have better luck just texting Jaebum who’s in arms reach instead of opening my mouth with my nosey brother staying next door, who I wouldn’t be surprised if he was already holding a cup to the wall in anticipation.

I groan, two days in a row I was awaken by my older brother who just loves to make my life difficult. Wonderful, I thought as I finally snap out of my daze to slam shut the front door. My eyes linger over the wall that divided my bedroom from my new neighbour’s unit, at least Namjoon haven’t gotten to drilling peep holes through the wall. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if he cuts a hole himself to install a door for easier snooping. Similar to the rooms they rent out for larger families in hotels. Parents and the kids get their own bedrooms with false privacy, where the parents can easily keep tabs on their kids from the connecting door.

The mattress dips in where I sat causing Jaebum’s heavy eyes to slowly flutter open. With a low groan he throws an arm over his eyes. I chuckle brushing his arm away to reveal his sleep swollen face.

His husky morning voice takes me by surprise, “Let me sleep some more…” his voice practically turning into a whine near the end. The mix of deep raspy morning voice and his whiney tone easily got my lower belly to feel warm. I teasingly draw circles into the fabric of his shirt where his nipples were, causing the little sensitive buds to perk upwards, he lets out a cute whine as he attempts to roll over and away from my curious hands.

“You just woke up…and you’re so horny already,” he loudly groans accusingly with a playful pout. Flustered, I gasp clamping my hands over his mouth.

I hush him, but I didn’t give him much room to comply seeing that my hand was already shutting him up quite effectively. I let out a deep sigh, slowly reclining my body to lay flush on top of his. My lips brush against the shell of his ear, “I have a new neighbour.”

“So what if they hear?” Jaebum asks between the kisses he trails along my neck.

“The new neighbour just so happens to be my brother,” I sigh turning into putty in his arms.

Jaebum hums thoughtfully with a slight nod, he wasn’t even surprised that this panned out. I guess the two of them knew each other a lot more than what they both led on, seeing that they were likely in business with one another for sometime now. Regardless, Jaebum had no shame. He continues to relentlessly latch his warm mouth onto the supple skin of my neck. A breathy gasp leaves my parted lips.

His palm smooth out the fabric of my shirt along my spine until his hand rests against my bottom. He gently cups and massages my bum in his large palm. A needy whine escapes from my lips as his fingers dip into the clothed crevice where his slender fingers gingerly brush against my warmth. I clench my thighs around his hand causing him to chuckle, “You need to be quiet, unless you want your brother to hear.”

I nod biting my lip. I clasp my hands on his broad shoulders as I snuggled my face against the crook of his neck. Any stray sounds being muffled successfully against his warm soft skin. His index finger hooks the fabric of my shorts and panties, pulling them down my thighs in a swift tug. The cool air against my damp core only lasted for a second before his middle and ring finger slip back between my slicked up folds. My hips grind eagerly against his palm, “Jaebum…more,” I practically beg in a whisper.

He shakes his head before combing his fingers through his soft onyx locks, unknotting his bed hair mixed with yesterday’s styling gel. Jaebum smirks clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “You are a bad girl today aren’t you?”

I barely had time to express my embarrassment before a loud broken cry rips itself from my throat when a sharp pain blossoms from my bottom. His large palm connects with my bare skin again and again, filling the room with soft whimpers and loud slaps of skin against skin. My hand reaches down to his in a pathetic attempt to get him to stop, even though it was making me feel hotter with each time his palm connects against my cheek.

I cry out softly, “Oppa!”

With the magic word he immediately stopped spanking me relentlessly. Instead, his hand quickly starts to massage affectionately into my sheering hot sensitive skin. He flashes me an innocent grin and places a chaste kiss on my forehead, “Since when do you call me oppa?”

Blood rushes to my cheeks, “I-It just slipped out,” I lamely explain.

He chuckles with a shy smile, “I like it.”

The soft pads of his fingertips trace along my temple down to my neck. He leans up while bringing a hand behind my head to guide my lips to his. Gently massaging his soft plump lips against mine he pulls away to brush them against the shell of my ear, “Be good for me,” he coos nipping at my ear, “Get on your stomach.”

I do as I was told and rolled off of him and onto my front. Jaebum’s hand brushes my shirt up my back before his hands travel south where they held my hips firmly. He slowly leans down until his front was flush against my back, careful to not crush me under his weight. I could feel his hard bulge pressed against my inner thigh as he teasingly grinds with feather light pressure. I whine gathering up the sheets in my sweaty palms. His fingers combs through my hair as he softly kisses behind my ear, “Are you sure about this?”

I nod giving my consent, “J-Just be gentle…my brother might hear.” At that Jaebum scoffs, almost taking that as a challenge to be the loudest in bed ever. Even though he dismisses my concern, I trusted him to not fake loud lewd moans for fun.

Jaebum kisses the soft spot below my jaw a few times, distracting me from the dull pain blossoming from my core where he’s wedging himself in. I groan as he softly grunts pushing his hard length into my tight cavern. Jaebum lets out a guttural sigh pushing the remainder of his impressive length in, watching as he disappears into my body. I crane my neck in an odd angle to gaze up at him, anticipating his thrusts. He chuckles reaching forward to grab the fluffy pillow to stuff under my flushed cheek, elevating my head for comfort. I snake my arms around the cool cushion, pressing my face into the fabric to muffle any stray lewd sounds.

With his toned front pressed flush against my bareback he starts slowly massaging his pelvis into the small of my back. I sigh unwinding an arm around the pillow to make weak grabby hands beside my ear. Jaebum chuckles knowingly, he threads his fingers through mine holding my hand tightly in his as he begins to thrust. I close my eyes allowing myself to focus on his fluid movements. How his girth makes me feel so full and how he slips so out where his tip was barely touching my opening before slamming right back in. I whine, eyes rolling back as he picks up speed.

Loud slapping sounds fill the air as our hot fluids mix together with each thrust. He drives my spasming frame into the mattress sending hot cum to bubble over my thighs and onto the sheets. Incoherent profanities escape my lips in a frenzy as the bedframe knocks against the wall relentlessly. I clutch onto Jaebum’s hand as he impossibly accelerates. He presses his face into the crook of my sweaty neck as his thrusts become erratic and sloppy. His member twitches within me as I clench down on him. A soft breathy whine leaves his lips, “(Y/N)…”

“Jaebum oppa…” I cry, encouraging him on. He suddenly loops his strong arms under my body, pulling me up against his chest as he anchors himself on his knees and feet. He drives himself into my leaking core, building up white hot friction as his bulging biceps lock me in place. All thoughts of trying to stay quiet fly past my hazy mind as one of his hand’s travel south to my clit. Jaebum’s fingers rub relentlessly at the overly sensitive nub driving me into over stimulation. My legs squeeze shut trying to wither away from his overwhelming touch. Jaebum dips his head and cranes his neck in an odd angle to latch his plump lips onto my nipple. He pulls the teat into his hot mouth and twirls his tongue around the hardening bud. I squirm in his tight grip feeling the coil in my belly about to be undone. My eyes roll back, his mouth suckling on my sensitive nipples and fingers rubbing fiercely into my clit and labia becoming too much to bare. A scream rips from my throat as I came hard, “Jaebum!”

Hot fluid drench Jaebum’s slender fingers, dribbling down my legs to soak into the bedspread. I sob into the back of his damp hair as he continues his assault, the overstimulation resulting my body to convulse in his arms. Jaebum’s lips releases my nipple with a loud wet pop and he chuckles pulling away to only slip his slicked fingers into his mouth. I watch him in awe as he sucks his fingers clean of my juices. He smirks pulling his fingers out of his hot mouth with a satisfying pop.

Knock knock

Jaebum chuckles, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “I guess your brother heard.”

I could physically see the wall vibrating where Namjoon’s fist is connecting with the surface. How convenient that my bedroom is adjacent to either his living area or bedroom. Where he was probably trying to enjoy some television with coffee but instead heard his little sister getting fucked into the mattress with the headboard attempting to make it through to the other side of the wall.

I tug my bottom lip between my teeth, as I can hear Namjoon’s shout through the extremely thin wall of the apartment. If I could hear him that clearly, that means he definitely heard me, and the bed, but hopefully not the slapping skin. Jaebum pulls out releasing the trapped fluids to dribble down my already sticky thighs. He flashes me a grin before rolling over onto his side and snuggling back into the bed, as if he didn’t purposely put me in such a position.

I clear my throat and shout back at the wall, “Oh we…were just watching some tv!” I explain coolly while my fingers were latched onto Jaebum’s bicep giving him the pinch of his life. He outwardly moans, whether it was from pain or to be simply a pain in the ass knowing fully well that Namjoon could hear. Namjoon screams on the top of his lungs, poor neighbours.

“Are you guys watching fucking porn together?”

“What? No!” I yell back just as loud, extremely offended that he thought that I was that freaky. Watching porn with my boyfriend, who does Namjoon think I am?

“I’m going to fucking kill you JB!” He screams for the umpteenth time since yesterday.

Jaebum smirks with a fond shrug even though the wall separated the two painfully immature men, “I guess you can try, again.”

Namjoon growls like a wild beast on the other side of the wall and starts to pound the dry wall with his fist, rivalling the bedframe and the wall on our side. I sigh rolling my eyes, if the two were going to be like this the entire time I really don’t think my patience can handle the two. Especially with finals creeping quickly around the corner, I can’t afford to get distracted now.

Leaving the two boys to yell at each other through the wall. I get up to freshen up with a well needed shower. I comb my fingers through my slightly damp hair walking into the kitchen. Surprisingly there stood Jaebum looming over the stove. Wrapping my arms around his waist I stand on my tippy toes to peep my head over his shoulder to see him cooking up some fried eggs and bacon. Snuggling my face against his shoulder blades my hold on him tightens.

“What’s on your mind?” He suddenly interrupts the soft sizzling of the bacon in the pan of oil.

I hum against the fabric of his long sleeved shirt, that most likely belonged to Namjoon. I snuggle closer and take a deep intake of my brother’s lingering cologne on the fabric. The thought of him brings back the thoughts from our previous conversation, his concern regarding Jaebum.

“You would never hurt me…right?” The fabric of his black shirt muffles my already quiet voice.

I didn’t have to see his face to know that he was taken aback by my concern. The sizzling of our breakfast intensifies as he presses his spatula with added force. He removes the pan from the hot stove element before turning around to face me. His calloused palm presses against my cheek, shifting my face up towards his. Jaebum tilts his head with knotted eyebrows, “Of course I would never hurt you,” he smiles reassuringly, “Did I do something to make you think that I would? Was I too rough earlier?”

I shake my shake waving my arms frantically, “No no! I-It wasn’t that…I was just wondering.”

He raises his brow once again, “What got you thinking about that? Is it Mon?”

I shrug, “I don’t know,” I whine with a frustrated sigh, “I guess he brought it up and it got me thinking…”

Jaebum scoffs with a light chuckle, “Please don’t use that big brain of yours to jump to conclusions ever again, you almost gave me a heart attack thinking that I did something to upset you.”

He cups my face between both of his large warm hands, “I would never, ever, hurt you. Got that? Maybe in bed,” he chuckles with a toothy grin, “But besides that, never physically nor emotionally…okay? I really meant what I said the other day…I love you.”

At his sweet words I find myself biting my lip restraining from the cheesy grin that was dying to permanently reside on my face.

“Now be good and eat your breakfast quickly, then start studying for your exams.”

I nod at that with a shy smile, “Okay Jaebummie oppa.”

-

That afternoon I found myself easily focussed and actually studying. Unlike other times where I found myself scrolling infinitely in the depths of Tumblr or on Youtube binge watching practically everything that I didn’t watch when I actually had time to. Maybe it was because I had nothing else on my mind to worry about, or maybe it was my content stomach, or even the sleeping Jaebum curled closely beside me with his head resting in my lap.

It was about early evening when Jaebum finally awoke with a yawn. He rubs his eyes as I try my best to ignore him. I was on my last few paragraphs, I needed to finish my notes before I get too distracted to ever finish them before my exam. He notices my concentration so he kept quiet and still until I let out a big sigh. Jaebum smiles sitting up quickly to take a good look at my notes, “Did you finish studying?”

I nod with a content smile, “Yup, for my Monday exam at least!”

“That’s my girl,” he coos ruffling my hair, “Since you’ve been such a good girl. I’ll take you wherever you want for dinner tonight.”

My face lights up and I clap my hands together, “Sushi?”

Jaebum chuckles whipping out his phone. His eyes drifts from the illuminated screen up to me, “There’s a very nice sushi joint not too far from here,” he eyes me a little longer, “And judging by how comfortable you are, delivery sounds good?”

“That sounds perfect Jaebum!” I beam leaning down to give him a chaste kiss on his forehead. The corners of his lips twitches up as he gives me a soft smile, his placid expressions becoming something foreign to me as I get to spend more time with him. I sit on his proposal for a second before realization hit me, “Wait…when do sushi places offer delivery?”

A cocky smirk plasters across his features as he shrugs indifferently. Before I could even work out the words in my head to form a question to his helpful explanation, his phone vibrates signalling an incoming text. He hums, his chest rumbling against the palm of my hand that subconsciously travelled away from my overworked pen.

“Dinner is on its way in about 40 minutes,” he announces, “But until then, go over your notes one more time.”

-

Just as promised, nearing about 40 minutes there was a knock against the door. Jaebum rolls off the couch and strides towards the eagerly awaited dinner waiting on the other side. He flings open the door and was greeted with a young male balancing an enormous platter on his shoulder, “Delivery?” he timidly squeaks, apparently I was right. They do not offer delivery like the pizza joint beside my apartment, rather this was a special request from a rather special citizen. I sort of felt bad for making the poor teenager come all this way to delivery the food I was too lazy to dine out for, just a little though, it’s not everyday you can get grade A sushi delivered right to your front steps. No extra charge on my behalf too. Jaebum hands the teen a wad of bills and without missing a beat, kicks the door closed with the heel of his foot. With dinner within close proximity it gave me enough motivation to move. I scramble to my feet and shadow Jaebum to the small round neglected glass table I have in the corner of my apartment. I swoop the armful of discarded laundry that sat there for god knows how long, and toss it onto the couch.

Jaebum places down the enormous platter of sushi that practically almost covers the span of the entire table. The platter was generous for a party, let alone for just two people. Regardless, the selection of sashimi, to maki rolls, sushi, and hand rolls were enough to convince me that I could indeed eat everything purely out of gluttony and curiosity of what everything tastes like. I flop down in my seat rubbing my hands together as I scan my eyes over the colourful arrangement. The corners of Jaebum’s lips pulls upwards as he passes me a pair of disposable wooden chopsticks. With a quick swipe of my tongue across my upper lip, my chopsticks finally picks up the first piece I was dying to try. To say that I was surprised when there was another knock at door was a lie.

The rapid knocking at the entrance was enough to get me flying towards the door, just so that I can stop that annoying frapping sound as soon as possible. I practically had to bite the tip of my tongue to refrain myself from screaming WHAT to whoever’s unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. I throw open the door.

“So we are having sushi for dinner?” Namjoon inquires, although it sounded more of a statement, as he lets himself through the door, “I kinda wanted Thai but that’s alright.”

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth in agitation. However, I couldn’t be completely annoyed considering that I haven’t seen him around lately and I really missed him. Although I would’ve enjoyed his company more if it was just the two of us, and not third wheeling on Jaebum and I. Not that third wheeling bothers me, more that I’m constantly paranoid that Namjoon will jump Jaebum if I dare so even blink with both eyes.

“Namjoon oppa…” I groan, dragging my feet to trail behind him. He marches with the upmost purpose making his way to where Jaebum sat awaiting. Namjoon flops uncomfortably close to Jaebum as I take my seat that was awkwardly far away from the two. Forget Namjoon ruining my date, I feel like I’m third wheeling.

Jaebum suddenly drops back into his JB attitude. He glances at Namjoon and gives him a curt nod, “Nice that you could join us for dinner,” he says even though his tone says otherwise.

“I overheard you two talking about sushi,” Namjoon explains popping a maki roll into his mouth, “The walls are thin...very thin.” He adds eyeing the both of us knowingly.

I awkwardly swallow the suddenly dry clump of sushi in my throat. Clearing my throat so that I don’t just choke and die in my spot, although it sounded like a good option. I cough and gesture towards the bottle of soy sauce, “Oppa can you pass me that.”

And to my horror the worst thing that could’ve happened did. They both reached towards the bottle. Namjoon’s fingers tips connected with Jaebum’s and all hell broke loose. Namjoon slaps Jaebum’s hand away with such force causing the bottle of sauce to go skittering across the table. The next thing I knew my brother’s fingers were around Jaebum’s neck. And it was yesterday all over again. They were yelling at each other’s faces as I watch intently reaching over for the bottle of soy sauce. I pour a generous amount onto my plate. With my eyes never leaving Namjoon’s flailing arms and Jaebum’s jutted chin, I shovel maki rolls into my mouth.

Jaebum mumbles out a “sorry” and punches my brother straight in the face. I cringe hearing his fist connect with Namjoon’s cheek. I had a feeling that the apology was directed more towards me than to Namjoon, seeing that he held no strength back when decking him in the face. With Namjoon’s hands back to himself, on his face must I add, Jaebum leans back into his chair and crosses his arms over his chest as if nothing out of the ordinary just occurred.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he sighs glancing towards Namjoon, “But it’s not true.”

My brother pushes back his blonde locks, seemingly to have calmed down significantly. Maybe Jaebum punched the anger right out of him. He sighs mirroring Jaebum’s seated form. “You aren’t just fucking my baby sister out of spite towards me?” He presses with a raised brow.

Jaebum lets out a breathy laugh. He glances over to me, pulling his lip between his teeth refraining himself to smile in front of his life long rival. He shakes his head ridding the immature thought before looking straight back up to me with a large grin plastering across his face, “Of course not. I love her.”

I smile happily with stuffed cheeks, “I lub youh too,” I manage out reaching over to hold Jaebum’s hand. Namjoon eyes me then to Jaebum who continues to genuinely smile. My brother blinks rapidly at the scene and dramatically shivers, “You are actually capable of fucking smiling? Are you fucking possessed?”

At that, Jaebum’s lips quickly drop and pulls back into his usual frown. I roll my eyes looking towards Namjoon, “Dude, Jaebum has been nothing but nice to you…can you like, try to be civil for once?”

Namjoon squints at me with slit eyes, maintaining at least five seconds of eye contact before leaning into Jaebum’s ear. I couldn’t really hear what he was whispering to Jaebum but knowing him and the aggressive contortion of his face with each word, I decoded his message that was something along the lines of, “I will make sure you are fucking dead next time and buried six feet under.

At least they were back at each other’s throat and not into my sex life.

-

Dinner does not fly by. Rather it kind of dragged along, similar to if your foot was asleep and you are heading up an incline of a hill with a sac of potatoes hulled over your shoulder. In other words, it was long and rough.

I hug Namjoon good night as he reluctantly leaves for his room next door. Taking the opportunity to lean into my ear to tell me that, “Jaebum looks healed enough to go home.” At that I roll my eyes, physically refraining myself from bringing up that if he didn’t go stabbing Jaebum we wouldn’t even be in this mess to begin with. However, being the sharp man he was my silence easily conveyed my initial message to him sound and clear. He raises his hands up in surrender as he backs out into the hall and into his apartment.

I shake my head with a breathy laugh, turning around to be only met with a hard chest. I look up curiously at Jaebum’s close proximity as he softly smiles down at me. He lifts his hand to pat my head gently, “Who would’ve known that cute little you has both of South Korea’s most feared mafia leaders wrapped around her little finger.”

I cock an eyebrow at that. Jaebum chuckles locking the door behind me before explaining himself, “I have known Mon for a very long time. I never knew he had this side to him. He seems almost normal.”

It was hard to believe that Namjoon wasn’t dotting and overly protective with everyone. I’ve always known him as the dotting older brother that any one would’ve wished for. Picks you up after school, takes you out for food, lets you borrow cash, beats up your bullies, scares away any potential suitors, he was just the perfect brother. Now I suddenly made the discovery that he is the person who he always warns me about as a child.

“What about you?” I finally ask Jaebum. He softly smiles guiding me back into my bedroom.

He chews on his lip in deep thought, “With you…for the first time in my life I want to protect – instead of destroy.” Jaebum’s usually pale complexion deepens into a crimson out of embarrassment. However, I couldn’t help the blush creeping across my cheeks either.

-

The rest of the week went about the same routine. Wake up to Jaebum to only reluctantly crawl out of bed and into my desk to study until evening. Occasionally in some afternoons I go to school to write an exam. However, the evenings are always consistent, Jaebum would either cook for me or get take out. And of course the day doesn’t end until Namjoon crashes in for dinner, and even occasionally at ungodly hours if Jaebum and I decided to relieve some stress.

However, today was different.

I take a deep intake of breath as I push open the doors of my school, finally finished with my last exam. With a grin plastered across my face I open my arms stepping out of the building. I bask in the sun taking a moment to feel the warmth in the cold winter afternoon. I cackle stomping in the crisp white snow making my way to the bus stop, finally going home and I won’t be coming back until next month.

The wait for the bus was thankfully relatively short. Even though I was ecstatic, a half an hour wait in a cold sludgy bus stop did not sound at all appealing. I hop on into the sardine packed tin can of a bus with the other students. I latch onto the grimy handle bar just in time as the bus driver floors the gas pedal. Just an hour commute and I will be back home before it even hits 3 PM.

I quickly thank the over worked bus driver and jumped out of the bus and onto the bustling streets of Gangnam. Sadly there are no buses that run in the ghettos where I call home. So here commences the 20 minute walk back to the apartment. I pass by the pub where I haven’t worked at in about a week, and I was definitely not looking forward to my shift tomorrow. I always dread going to work but there’s something about not going to work for a few days and suddenly going back is ten times harder than just continuously working everyday. This may be called laziness.

Regardless I zoomed by the pub, making sure no one sees me. Knowing fully well that my boss would beg me to start working tonight, which makes sense seeing that he has been covering all my night shifts while I was on leave. Since today marks the last evening of freedom, well until next week, I think celebrating all night long with Jaebum is obligatory.

I roll on the balls of my feet waiting for the lights to change so that I can finally cross the street to my building. There weren’t any cars or signs of life around but I couldn’t risk getting mysteriously run over seeing that I was finally free from school. The light changes to green and I take a step out into the street. However I pause mid step as a red dot flickers onto the middle of my chest. I swallow thickly observing the glowing red dot that stilled over my heart. A cold sweat embraces my frigid frame and everything went silent. I quickly pivot my body watching the dot travel and hover over my shoulder. Suddenly searing hot pain starts to blossom where the dot continued to mark. I clench a hand over the wound, watching the hot sticky crimson blood trickle between my fingers and seeping into the sleeve of my white coat. I felt numb.

My arm started to grow slack against my side as panic coursed through my veins. I watch my hand turn completely red only to quickly snap out of my trance as the laser marking flickers from my hand to back over my heart. I quickly dive behind the dumpster for cover, slamming my body into the brown snow sludge just as the bullet connects with the rusted metal. I sit up to press my back against the cold metal, slowly gathering up the courage to peer behind my hiding spot. From a rooftop I make sight of a smiling mask, similar to those worn in horror movies, which made me feel even more uneasy about the situation. I could also make out a tuff of vibrant red hair tucked beneath a cap before they duck behind the ledge and out of sight.

“I’m okay,” I chant to myself over and over again.

Clenching my shoulder tightly I stick my head out from behind the dumpster to see that the roof remained to be vacant. I push myself off my knees resuming a squatting position, taking one final glance at the empty street and roof I make a mad dash across the road. As my hand wraps around the handle of the building a hot searing pain blossoms from the back of my calf. Pushing the idea to examine the pain I couldn’t waste any more time to get back home. Throwing the heavy door open I stumble into the building and turn around to watch another figure wearing a mask perched on top of a dumpster with a gun in hand. This definitely reminds me of the Purge.

The figure jumps off the dumpster effortlessly and starts his way across the street. I stumble back a few more steps before turning around to run into the stairwell. I bite my lip supressing the agonizing cries as I drag my pulsing leg up the flight of stairs. I was almost to my floor when I hear the echo of the door to the stairwell slam open. At the pounding of feet up the concrete steps my heart hammers against my chest, sending gallons of blood to pump through my heart and out my bullet wounds. I open the door as softly as possible giving myself the benefit of the doubt that my pursuer doesn’t know which floor I lived on. However, I guess the blood trail gave me away as I hear the door fly open after me. My vision was growing hazy and the floor started to fall beneath my feet as I stumble gasping.

“Help!” I scream, my voice bouncing along the long hallway, “Jae-”

A cry of pain rips out from my dry throat as my body slams into the carpeted floor. The larger framed man pinning me into the ground. I barely struggled against the man’s hold before he was ripped off my body. I turn my head and squint upwards to watch Jaebum shove the man into Namjoon’s awaiting arms. Namjoon gets the man into a headlock and growls out between clenched teeth but I couldn’t make out anything as I could only hear deafening white noise. Jaebum scoops me into his arms and rushes back into my unit. He places me on my bed and wastes no time to open the first aid kit. He stays silent and his expression was unreadable.

He strips my clothes off and accesses both of the wounds, deciding to treat my shoulder wound first after making sure that the bullet in my leg was not lodged into my artery. Jaebum mumbles out an apology before he slices small incisions into my skin. I whimper feeling his knife dig into my flesh trying to locate the bullet. He expertly pops the bullet out and presses gauze onto the wound. Jaebum positions my palm over my shoulder to apply pressure. Before he tends to my leg, he presses a quick kiss on my sweat slicked forehead, “Stay with me.”

I nod, cracking my eyes open to blurriness. Trying to grip onto reality and not succumb to unconsciousness I squeeze my shoulder tightly, hoping that the sharp pain will stop myself from slipping away. I groan arching my back off the bed as a sharp stinging pulses from my calf. Jaebum tightens his hold on my leg between his arm and continues to plunge the knife deeper into the flesh as the stubborn bullet refuses to nestle out. I cry out weakly and reach a hand out to make him stop.

Suddenly another hand engulfs mine in their larger and rougher ones. Namjoon falls onto his knees, lifting my hand to his cheek while squeezing tightly. I gaze up at him with heavy eyelids that threaten to fall upon lagged vision, but his tight hold on my hand helps me stay conscious. Namjoon tries for an encouraging smile as he brushes the stray hairs glued to my face, behind my ears. The raking of his fingers through my damp locks were soothing, successfully taking away the initial focus on Jaebum’s knife digging in my flesh. A soft clunk resonates in the silence and my body suddenly feels much better knowing that the foreign objects are finally out of my body. Jaebum presses gauze against my leg and the bleeding subsides quickly, now with the bullet removed. Only then with the bullets all removed and the blood finally clotted, did Jaebum release the breath he was holding. He pushes back his loose fringe with the bottom of palm, the only spot on his hands that weren’t stained crimson.

Namjoon did the unexpected. He places my hand into Jaebum’s and lets go.

“Take her to your headquarters and keep her safe,” Namjoon explains with wide eyes bearing into Jaebum’s.

Jaebum raises a brow, “Are you sure?”

Namjoon sighs biting back a small smile, “You just have to hear me admit it don’t you?” At that Jaebum smirks which causes a chuckle to erupt from my brother, “You have better defenses in your HQ, you will do a better job at keeping (Y/N) safe without any risks.”

“And your men are impeccably skilled snipers,” Jaebum adds.

“I know – I mean…thanks,” my usually well-spoken brother stumbles over his words, taken aback by Jaebum’s sudden compliment.

“I’ll send Yugyeom and Mark to assist,” Jaebum states looking dead into Namjoon’s dark eyes.

Namjoon dips his head in a curt nod, “Giving me your ace sniper and hacker, huh?”

“I want the fuckers dead. As soon as possible.”

Namjoon scoffs with a shrug, “Understandable. I want the same thing. Thank you then, I’ll try to make sure they don’t die.”

Jaebum flashes him a death glare, “As long as you don’t deliberately fucking kill them-”

My brother laughs wholeheartedly and waves his head dismissively, “We’re a team now.”

With that, both their hands met in a long awaited handshake that sealed the treaty between BTS and GOT7.

As soon as the next plan of action was decided, I finally asked the itching answer, “So…what happened to the asshole who was chasing after me?”

Jaebum joins in on my curiosity and looks over to Namjoon for answers as well. My brother flashes me an unsettling grin with a quick shrug that only signifies that he was keeping some major details, “Well…he’s no longer going to bother you ever again.”

I bite my lip stopping myself from the temptation of pressing him for more details. Nodding slowly I look up at Jaebum who looked uncharacteristically dishevelled. His dark tired eyes catches mine and he nods reassuringly before he excuses himself out of the room. I quietly watch him saunter out the door as he leaves without a word. Namjoon watches knowingly and replaces the warmth of Jaebum’s hand in mine with his own. I look up at him in my reclined position and he smiles softly down at me, “He’s just upset that he wasn’t there to protect you….we both are,” he leans down and kisses my forehead, “Just give him some time.”

Namjoon’s usually clumsy fingers were surprisingly nimble as he expertly bandages the wounds. He rummages through my closet and pulls out a hoodie and a pair of loose sweatpants. With maximum combined effort, I finally got into a seated position where Namjoon then had to help me get into the clothes.

He pulls me into a tight, warm embrace, “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I should’ve tried harder to keep this part of my life away from you. You got hurt because of me.”

I roll my eyes, I must’ve been spending too much time with Jaebum, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, it was a combined effort with Jaebum,” I joked with a snort, “I just want you to know that I don’t regret any of this. I rather live everyday in danger than to have you not in my life…I miss you Namjoon. I’m happy that we can finally be honest with each other, one – two bullets isn’t going to change how I feel.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn,” Namjoon breathily laughs, threading his long fingers through his bleached tresses.

“I learned from the best,” I scoff.

He smirks, “From JB, I know.”

I roll my eyes again, if I wasn’t in so much pain I would’ve shoulder checked him, “You know fully well that I’m referring to your stubborn ass.”

His soft dimpled smile was quite the sight to see after everything that happened in the last hour. “I know I don’t say it as often as I want to but…I love you. Stay safe. I swear on my life I will sort this out.”

I frown, “Likewise, you better stay safe too. If you get hurt I will hurt you even more, got it?”

Namjoon smiles shaking his head, “Got it,” he sighs pulling me in one final hug before getting up and disappearing behind the door.

A few murmurs were exchanged between Jaebum and Namjoon that I couldn’t entirely decipher. However, almost immediately once there was silence from the hallway Jaebum enters the room. He closes his eyes releasing a deep sigh while pressing his back against the door. I watch him intently and finally his eyes holds my gaze. Before I could ask him what’s wrong a gunshot rang from a distance. I jump at the familiar sound as I could practically feel the piece of hot metal rip through my muscles again.

My lip quivers, I couldn’t find my voice. Jaebum lunges towards me with a quick apology as he throws his leather jacket over my head before scooping me up in his arms. I grit my teeth in discomfort as he mumbles apologizes again, pulling the leather securely over my face. With compromised vision I close my eyes and press my cheek against Jaebum’s chest. “Trust me,” he says. I pull my lips into a thin line and nod. Immediately he kicks open the door and races down the flight of stairs. Even though Jaebum was carrying me and doing all the physical exertion, I couldn’t stop my heart from violently hammering against my ribcage. My lungs burned and felt like they were about to explode. Another shot rang but it was considerably louder and closer, much closer. I could feel Jaebum’s muscles ripple around me as he hoists all my weight onto a single arm to reach behind him. With my vision out of commission I could hear the quiet safety being undone with my heightened senses. I hold my breath, snuggling deeper into Jaebum’s chest as a extremely loud bang resonated from what I assume was the barrel of his gun.

Four more gunshots filled the air. But I knew Jaebum wasn’t a bad shot making multiple misses upon the rivals. Four dull thuds sounded after the trigger was pulled. I swallow thickly squeezing my eyes shut, this explains why Jaebum covered my head earlier. He’s trying to censor me from the brutality of his world. My breath hitches in my throat as he kicks open another door. Suddenly the temperature in the room drops, meaning that he successfully made it into the underground parking. He halts his steps and sidesteps into what I could assume to be behind a concrete pillar. Jaebum presses his back against the cool surface to catch his breath, after a few heaves he pushes himself off the wall in search of his car.

Jaebum unlocks the door and gently eases me into the passenger seat before quickly jumping into the drivers. He ignites the engine and a familiar rumbles in the parking garage. This was Namjoon’s car.

Out of curiosity my hand reaches out towards the heavy fabric compromising my vision. Almost immediately, a larger hand presses against mine to halt my actions. “Not yet,” Jaebum insists as we roll over some oddly placed speed bumps. The only explanation – dead bodies. Only when the pavement became even again does he pull off the jacket covering my face. I squint at the blinding change in brightness as the city’s street zooms by.

“Your brother is fine,” he finally speaks up after safely emerged into the city’s busy streets, “His body wasn’t among the ones left in the basement, meaning he successfully cleaned up the basement. Besides, he’s like a roach. Hard to kill.”

I turn to look at him and he had a soft, just a tweak at the lips, smile on his face. I nod at his valid argument and released the breath I didn’t realize that I was holding onto since I found out that we were in Namjoon’s car. He was safe, somewhere.

The throbbing in my shoulder and leg started up again now that the adrenaline washed away. I pull Jaebum’s leather jacket closer, using it as a blanket as my eyelids grew heavy. I shake my head, trying to get rid of the drowsiness but it didn’t seem to do anything but to add to the pain felt in my shoulder. Jaebum slips a hand from the steering wheel and places it into my lap. I encase his warm large hand between both of mine, occasionally running my thumbs gingerly along his prominent veins.

“Sleep. I’ll wake you up once we’re there.”

I nod, finally letting my chin to drop and my head to loll in reflection to the imperfections in the road.

-

With so much on my mind I was surprised that I was able to drift off so quickly. However, the nap was short lived seeing that barely thirty minutes have passed and the vehicle has come to a stop already. My eyes flutter open, immediately a stinging sensation fills them to the brim. I rub away the tears collecting in the corners of my eyes and watch as Jaebum gets out of the car. I watch him as he approaches what seems to be an abandoned district fenced off by an enormous heavy-duty padlock. Instead of rummaging his dark washed jean pockets for a key he presses his thumb against the body of the bronze lock and it immediately pops open. He catches my gaze and gives me a soft smile as he raises both hands to cup his ears. I raise a brow but copy his actions regardless. The gate screeches open like a banshee as he slips back into the driver’s seat. The car rolls forward through the gate and automatically whines shut behind us. I take a moment to take in the view, we were completely surrounded by demolished buildings. It looked like something straight out of an apocalyptic movie. I dip my head to get a better view of the surrounding, I was just waiting for a hoard of zombies to round the corner. I swallow thickly and look over at Jaebum who held his usual indifferent expression.

“A-Aren’t we going back to your home?” I finally break the silence.

He chews on his bottom lip before a lopsided grin stretches across his face, “Yeah,” he simply deadpans continuing to drive for a few more blocks.

He suddenly shifts the gear into park and unlocks the doors. I turn away from my window to look ahead to notice that the demolished buildings finally cleared and opened a space where a nicely mansion stood at its centre. I mumble a profanity under my breath as I feast my eyes on the sight. A perfectly modern piece of architecture stood peacefully at the centre of abandoned apartments that loomed stories over the new addition. I jump slightly as Jaebum suddenly swings open the door to the passenger. He holds out his arms and I instantly wrap my arms around his neck. Jaebum easily scoops me up in his arms making his way towards the giant French doors. I finally rip my eyes away from the buildings to look at the ground where I realized that the house stood at what probably used to be some major intersection before the whole area was cleared, for reasons that I really didn’t want to know. I just hoped Jaebum and the rest of GOT7 didn’t have anything to do with ridding the civilians from the area, even though deep in the back of my head I knew very well they had done something to contribute to this mess. Halfway up the steps the door already swings open revealing Yugyeom, he sighs running a hand through his dark locks, “Ah thank god you are finally back! There’s sign of a rival gang and-” he pauses for a second to take in my battered form, “Whoa you’ve seen better days noona.”

I roll my eyes, “Thanks, Yugyeom.”

Jaebum sighs pushing the younger, but definitely taller, male aside and makes his way towards the rowdy living area. Once Jaebum steps his foot into the shared space the conversations all died down as all the young men looked up to take in Jaebum’s stoic expression and my exhausted one.

“Listen up,” Jaebum states with the familiar authoritative tone he used on the drunks, “From here on out we will be working alongside with BTS. If you encounter a rival gang besides the members of BTS, make sure I never see them again. Clear?”

“Yugyeom, you are to assist JK in snipping the sons of bitches once they are spotted on your scoping lens.”

The younger male nods with a excited grin creeping over his face, “Understood.”

Jaebum looks over to Jinyoung who bore his eyes straight back in complete focus, “Jinyoung, I want you to keep (Y/N) safe. Have eyes on all possible entrances to here.”

Jinyoung scoffs, “Easy. Anything else?”

“Shoot them down if they step a foot near my fucking gate. Even if they decide to turn around and leave, no mercy.”

Jinyoung hums swishing the amber liquid in his glass, “When had I ever have mercy?”

Jaebum smirks at that with a curt nod, “Mark, do your thing. Search the databases to find the exact coordinates of the assholes and eliminate all of them. Work alongside V.”

Mark nods without a word and cracks his knuckles in anticipation. Jaebum scans the group for Jackson and BamBam, “Activate all the explosives near the base. Once finished go assist BTS.”

Explosives? What the actual fuck. Is he serious right now? I was racking my brain for any rationality for bombs that I almost missed his last order for Youngjae, “I trust you to keep (Y/N) by your side and safe. I’m going back to meet up with Mon to infiltrate wherever their base is.”

I raise my brows at that and shake my head profusely, “You’re leaving?”

He gazes deeply into my eyes and sighs, “You’ll be safe here, trust us…trust me.”

“I get that I will…but is all this necessary? Maybe they will back down after a threat or something…no one else has to die,” I reason as my voice got quieter with every word. I knew it was impossible to argue with Jaebum. He was the leader for a reason.

“I can’t take chances when it regards your life,” he says evenly, “I hope you understand.”

I cast my gaze upon the ground and Youngjae kneels in front of me and flashes me a reassuring smile, “(Y/N), I know you don’t want anyone to get hurt but if these guys are willing to start a war between us and BTS they mean business. We need to take these drastic procedures to ensure that this never happens again.” I nod trying to understand their side, they were in this business for so long they knew what had to be done, and playing nice wasn’t one of the options.

“But Jaebum, I propose that I go in your place to meet with Mon. You are still recovering. Besides, (Y/N) needs you the most right now.”

I watch Jaebum carefully as a million thoughts run through his brain as he calculates the best course to take. He takes a moment to look at me in his arms before nodding, “Youngjae, you are to assist Mon as his equivalent, you will be the leader of this operation while I stay here to care for (Y/N). Okay, dismissed.”

The members nod in unison without question. They all trusted him as a leader, but more importantly as family. All the men scurried away out of the room to gear up for work, however Jackson takes a moment to approach me still curled up in his leader’s arms.

“Glad you’re okay, kid,” he smiles patting my head softly, “Just leave the rest to us!”

Without another word, Jaebum carries me to his quarters where an enormous bed sat perfectly between two large windows overlooking their impressive garden. Almost so impressive that the looming run down department buildings fencing around the vibrant greenery went unnoticed. He carefully places me down on his bed and pulls the fluffy duvet over the both of us. I wrap my arms tightly around his middle and he reciprocates the affectionate gesture. He buries his nose in the nest I call hair and inhales deeply, “I’m sorry.”

I readjust myself with little difficultly so that I could look into his eyes, “Whatever happened today…it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes things just happen,” I assure him as his eyes started to grow glossy.

He squeezes his eyes shut and breathes deeply, “Your brother has protected you from this for years and here I show up and fucking expose you to all this shit. Aren’t you even in the slightest disgusted by how selfish I am?”

I chuckle at that shaking my head, “Are you dumb?” he cracks open his eyes and I could see the sheen layer of tears he is holding at bay, “I almost died today. And guess what? It wasn’t your fault, nor was it Namjoon’s. It was because there are assholes in the world and you and your friends are going to take them out to make sure that this never happens again, to anybody. If anything you are selfless doing something so dangerous just to protect a small potato like me, so no I’m not disgusted. If anything I am happy that you are going out of your way to avenge my fucking leg and shoulder. We aren’t talking about this again, okay?”

“Okay.”

-

I didn’t realize I fell asleep, but this seemingly always happened when I’m cuddled up in Jaebum’s warm strong arms. I jolt awake to the many voices downstairs that seems to be having at least twenty different conversations at once. I rub my eyes from the gritty muck gluing them shut to look at the wall illuminated by a sliver of moonlight that crept through the drawn curtains. I pat the spot beside me to only find a cold void where Jaebum once laid. I frown pushing off my elbows to get in a sitting position. I hiss through clenched teeth as a dull throb resonates through my shoulder, oh right, I got fucking shot at earlier today. I slowly place both feet on the cold hardwood ground, taking a sharp inhale as I tenderly apply weight on them. I supress a small whimper as I stumble towards the door. Latching onto the frame to give myself a small break before I had to descend down the flight of stairs and hopefully not fall to my demise. The voices bickering downstairs got louder with each step a take down the beautifully varnished wooden steps.

“Jaebum?” I call, sliding against the cool wall for support, inching slowly but surely to the living room. Even through the ruckus he turns around at my meek voice. Suddenly all the conversations halts and an eerie silence took over as all eyes were directed on me. I take a moment to take in how full the large living room was filled with familiar faces

“You shouldn’t be straining yourself,” Namjoon scolds lunging towards me to wrap an arm around my teetering form to provide support. I gasp as he scoops me up in bridal position and locates me comfortably on the plush velvety couch. I look up at him to see his eyebrows knit together in worry, “Does it hurt?”

I bite my lip, shaking my head, “I’m okay…are you hurt?” I ask eyes scanning all over his large frame as he shakes his head, pulling me into a tight embrace, “I was so fucking worried!” he explains.

I nod wrapping my arms around his neck, “I was too.”

He scoffs swatting my head with the back of his hand, “Yeah right. So worried that you passed out immediately when your ass hit the mattress,” he mutters under his breath rolling his eyes, “Didn’t even bother to shoot me a quick text asking if I made it out the building alive.”

I shake my head stifling a giggle, “I know you wouldn’t die so easily. You’re like a cockroach.”

His eyes bore into mine as his face remained in the same deadpanned expression. He was utterly dead inside. My words plunged deep into his fragile heart. BTS chuckles at that while the others stifle their laughs, not entirely sure if they would be crossing the newly drawn line between them. Jaebum looks over at me quietly before clearing his throat to gain everyone’s attention.

“We will be leaving at the break of dawn. So prepare for the time being or take a quick nap, regardless we will be leaving sharply at 5:00 AM,” Jaebum explains as the others nod in unison.

“You guys found the base?” I nervously ask, it was all happening so quickly. I didn’t realize that a whole group of people would be eliminated in the next 24 hours that the attack ensued. The influence of these men were no joke, it was quite terrifying actually. Jimin and Mark nod affirming my question and happily high five each other in their quick success.

“There are two bases, we couldn’t confirm which one their leader is in. But both seem to be showing high traffic. So that confirms that both these bases are indeed active,” Mark explains while Jimin nods along approvingly.

Namjoon clicks his tongue, “The question is whether we attack both bases at once or if we should raid one after the other. More men, but that would mean we would lose the advantage of surprise.”

“We are trying to avoid as much combat as possible. The element of surprise would be ideal,” Yoongi quips, causing a round of nods.

“Then it’s settled, we will split into two groups,” Jaebum states observing the group carefully, “I will take Jackson, Yugyeom-”

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Namjoon interjects, “I need you to be at (Y/N)’s side.”

Jaebum cocks a sharp brow and juts out his jaw, “What do you mean? You are staying by her side.”

Namjoon lets out an airy chuckle, “You will be the one to stay behind. We both know that I am the more experienced between the both of us when it comes to fieldwork.”

Even though that may be true I felt that there was another reason for him to suggest that he went instead of Jaebum. First, he would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with me. And second, he would never willingly put me under Jaebum’s care unless necessary. Similar to earlier today when we had to exit the apartment that was under fire. Did he actually believe that this mission was so dangerous that even he wouldn’t be able to make it back? Let alone any of the other guys. Was I risking all their lives in a giant massacre?

“You guys can’t go!” I yell on the top of my lungs, “I can’t allow any of you to get hurt over this incident. Maybe – maybe after this they will never bother us again, okay? Maybe we can pretend that this never happened and we don’t have to fight. I don’t want you guys to go marching off to your deaths because of me! Look I’m fine!”

Collectively the boys started to frown at the inevitable circumstances that they needed to take. Jimin calls out my name softly, “(Y/N)…if it makes you feel any better…there wont be anymore than 20 people tops at each base. Mark and I looked through their files, they are a new group but they have huge plans. In a few days they are plotting to eliminate the snipers from both groups.”

“And by next month Jaebum and your brother. Don’t be burdened thinking that you caused all of this, you were just their first target. This has to be done, and thanks to you our chances of winning is so much higher because you joined us together,” Mark adds with his charming soft smile.

“So basically we are all dead fuckers anyways so why not go down blazin-” Jackson gets cut off by a distant boom that shook the entirety of the house. All our heads shot towards the large glass window that rattled in its sill as fiery curls rolls off in the distant horizon.

“Guess they found us,” Jinyoung sighs standing up from the couch to lethargically stretch as BamBam jumps to draw the curtains shut.

“The explosion should’ve killed everything in its 10 meter radius. That should’ve taken out everyone. Giving us at least 20 minutes before they com-” BamBam got interrupted as the glass behind him shatters as a red flower blossoms in his arm, “Fuck!” he screeches, “Or not – someone turn off the fucking lights!” he screams clenching his arm as he ducks away from the window.

Jungkook slams the switch off and runs out of the living room swinging his sniping bag over his shoulder. Yugyeom quickly follows him up the flight of stairs to what most likely be towards the roof. I frantically watch as the men pull firearms from their hidden holsters and dart off in different directions as if this was a completely normal thing that happens on a Friday night. Namjoon hunches over me and pulls me onto the ground, “Jae!” he calls out and immediately Jaebum covers me with his own body.

Jaebum nods towards Namjoon in some silent agreement and that was enough for my brother to leave the room with a gun in hand. I try to even out my rapid shallow breaths but it was futile as I feel the familiar feeling I felt this afternoon as anxiety coursed through my veins.

“Jaebum…” I choke out between ragged heaves. He kisses my forehead as the glass behind us shatters. A scream rips through my hoarse throat as a dark figure barges through the window. I watch in horror as he approaches us with malicious intent.

“Don’t miss,” Jaebum says indifferently as his hand wraps over my eyes.

Suddenly, the man drops onto the ground with a loud thud. And a holler leaves BamBam, “Yeah! Fuck you for messing up my arm!”

Jaebum pulls me onto my feet and ushers me quickly out of the compromised living room. Before I left the room I turned around to watch BamBam jump out of the broken window to cause gods know what kind of havoc. But before I turned back around to look ahead I couldn’t help but drop my gaze to watch as a pool of crimson flows from the dot between the corpse’s dull eyes.

Jaebum throws me over his broad shoulders, running up the flight of stairs by every other step. He throws open the door to his bedroom and sits me on the floor beside the unmade bed. He makes an attempt to get up but I quickly grab onto his wrist, “No please don’t go!” I cry out in desperation.

He cups my cheek in his palm and smiles tiredly, “I’ll be back for you. In the time being, be a good girl and hide under the bed.”

I shake my head clawing at his arms as he forces me into the cramped space under the bed. I watch him with wide eyes as he silently gazes back, “Count to one hundred and I promise you, I’ll be right back at your side.”

I close my eyes listening intently to Jaebum’s footsteps fading away as he leaves the bedroom.

One.

A door creaks open.

Two.

A low whine from the hardwood floor.

Three.

A click of a lock.

Four.

A pair of mudded sneakers stood right in front of the bed.

Five.

I hold my breath, clamping a sweaty hand over my mouth.

Six.

A man drops to his knees.

Seven.

His crazed eyes meets my shaking terrified ones, “Found you~” he sings.

A scream rips from my throat as his hand darts under the bed to grasp my hair. The ruthless man tangles his fingers through my locks and yanks me from under my hiding spot. I claw at his arm leaving bloodied angry trails down to his wrist but never once did he loosen his grip. Frustrated hot tears bubble at the back of my eyes as I exert all my strength to squirm away from the attacker. I cry for Jaebum as I watch the doorknob jiggle fruitlessly. He curses, “Fuck!” before letting the handle snap back into its resting position to deal with whatever had him occupied on the other side of the door. A loud guttural sound makes its way up my lungs as I find the strength to elbow the man in the face. He grits his teeth, my attempt of escape only making him more agitated. The tall burly man kicks and shovels his foot into my stomach. I wince curling up in a lame attempt of defense, knowing that it would be useless to fight against someone of his size through brut strength. I had to be smart about this.

I lay on the floor limply with wide eyes as I watch him drag me by my hair into Jaebum’s bathroom. A deep chuckle erupts from the man as he lets go of my hair to shove me into the bathtub filled to the brim with ice cold water. I gasp, grasping on the edge of the basin with vice gripped hands. My body trashed on its own in violent attempt to get out of the shockingly cold water. I hold onto the edge as the man places his large hand at the back of my head, forcibly submerging my head into the water. Out of panic, I inhale. I choke under the water, only to cause more of the fluid to fill my lungs. I scream throwing my arms and legs in a furry of limbs, anything to make the man to release me. He finally pulls my head up, holding my face dangerously close to his as he laughs hysterically, “You look so beautiful like that.”

I spray water into his eyes before a coughing fit erupted in my chest. He growls, “You fucking bitch!” A meaty hand reaches for me again while his other hand was occupied in rubbing his vision clear. That was my chance. I press both hands onto the ledge of the basin and used my adrenaline to throw myself over the tub and onto the now extremely soaked marble tiles. I scream using all my strength to swipe my leg under his feet.

Miraculously, he slips under his clumsy feet and tumbles backwards smacking his head into the mirror causing millions of pieces to rain onto the floor. The victory was short lived, as almost immediately he gets back up. He stares straight into my eyes with murderous intent as he cracks his nose back into position. With blood running down his nose and into his grin he looked much more scarier than earlier. I heave for oxygen as I frantically shuffle backwards on my hands and bottom. The man lunges toward with slight difficultly due to the slippery floor but unfortunately he still manages to wrap his hands around my neck.

“Do you know why I’m killing you?” he chortles, pulling me back towards the bathtub.

I bore my eyes into his, taking a deep breath as I feel his hands starting to close tightly around my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment as my hand blindly scavenges for a piece of glass. Holding the shard I regain my composure to look him straight in the eye.

“Your little lover boy drowned my brother,” he explains through clenched teeth, looking into my teary eyes with his bulging ones he continues.

“I went to your brother for help, to avenge my only family! And guess what happened? Your brother laughed in my face and shot my friend in the face. For wasting his fucking time!” he growls submerging my head once more.

However, the panic was short lived as he pulls me up again to speak, “Talk about killing two birds with one stone, eh? And if you haven’t guessed, you are the pretty little stone my dear (Y/N). Who would’ve known the only weakness to the two ruthless assholes is you? A fragile little girl!”

Panting I shake my head at his words, “I’m not a fragile little girl,” I say evenly, “And I am in no way responsible for what they do.” I don’t need my brother or Jaebum to protect me. I can protect myself. I clench the shard of glass in my palm. I have to fight my own battles.

A loud battle cry leaves my lungs, surprising myself and my pursuer. I arch my back, swinging my arm backwards, slicing off the long locks, finally freeing myself from the man. Wasting no time I grab the discarded towel on the floor from Jaebum’s earlier shower and tossed it over the man’s head. With him blinded and frantically trying to untangle his fingers from my discarded hair and wet towel. I lunge towards the toilet tank cover, ripping the ceramic top off and swinging it straight at the blinded man. I breathe heavily watching his form crumble onto the floor in a heap of damp towel, white crumbles, and broken glass.

“I’m not fragile,” I heave falling onto the toilet.

I stare blankly at the wall in front of me as I hear footsteps near the bathroom. Glass crunches under his feet as he makes his way towards me. Jaebum drops to his knees in front of my drenched and hunched over form. He brushes his fingers into my cold wet locks, pushing the uneven strands of hair behind my ears. I look into his dull eyes to his busted lip.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, eyes glazing over with regret.

I sigh, connecting my palm against the side of his head. “Everything’s okay,” I groan closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around his neck, “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Jaebum curls his arms around my shivering form, holding me impossibly close to his heaving chest, “I can’t believe I left you in a room with a killer and made you fight him off by yourself,” he sighs snuggling his nose into the crook of my neck.

“I’m sure you would’ve tried to help but you were probably attacked by ten other assholes in the hallway,” I assure him whilst rubbing soothing circles into his back. It was quite ironic how me of all people had to comfort someone like Jaebum, it was a nice change, to be strong for once.

“I don’t want you apart of this life anymore,” he states dropping his arms into my lap, “I can’t have you hurt again cause of me.”

I scoff rolling eyes, “That’s not something you can decide for me Jaebum. I get to make my own decisions if I want to stay or leave.”

He nods slowly in understanding. Even though his words tell me that he wants me out of his life when the words “I don’t want to be apart of this life” leaves my mouth his eyes fall, casting them onto the suddenly exciting floor. The corner of my lip tugs upwards, “But, if we’re in this mess together…I guess I don’t mind.”

Jaebum looks up with a puzzled expression, “You’re actually going to stay?”

I shrug coolly although the grin plastered on my face said otherwise, “I guess.”

He rakes his blood stained hand through his dishevelled locks, “I promise you that this will never happen again. I promise to protect you.”

I smile closing my eyes for a moment, “No, I can take care of myself from now on. I won’t be dependent on you. After...causing that,” I chuckle gesturing the heap on the floor, “I realized that I can protect myself. I don’t always need you or my brother to fly to my aid. So…you don’t have to always worry about me.”

Jaebum chuckles shaking his head, “Even if you say that, I can’t stop worrying about you even if I tried. You’re the most precious thing in this godforsaken world and you chose me of all people to be beside,” he bites his lip nervously, looking everywhere but at me, “I will do anything for you.”

“I know,” I giggle leaning down to kiss his blood crusted lips. I quickly pull away with a sound of disgust, frantically wiping the residue taste of iron off my lips. I tilt my head to the side to look into Jaebum’s innocent wide eyes, “I would do anything for you too. If you need that proven look at the person I fucked up for you.”

He breathily laughs rolling his eyes, and there was the mischievous glint in his sharp eyes again. Jaebum lunges forward, capturing my lips in his as he hungrily chases my mouth. He pulls back and I groan from disgust at the metallic taste, “You’re cute. You definitely fucked him up but he’s not dead.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m not some psychopath that would kill someone for you okay?”

“I know, but I am,” he grins scooping me up from the toilet to relocate me back onto the plush bed before going back into the bathroom. A dull snap resonated through the room as I gaze out to the pile of bodies that laid in the hallway. It was almost art as the doorframe perfectly framed the bodies. There was probably some famous Renaissance painting that looked exactly to what I was seeing at the foot of my bed. Jaebum closes the bathroom door behind me and joins me on the bed.

Even though the man earlier had his head screwed on the wrong way, his words still nagged at the back of my mind. I clear my throat and look out the window, “Did you know the man?”

He hums shifting his weight on the bed, “He looked familiar? Why?”

I turn towards him scrunching up my nose, “Why did you kill his brother?”

Jaebum raises his eyebrows and cracks his knuckles, “(Y/N)…” he softly says looking up at the moonlit ceiling, “I’m not a good person.”

“Why did you kill his brother?” I press.

He sighs picking at the dried blood underneath his nails, “I don’t know – I don’t remember.”

I purse my lips together shaking my head, “What do you mean you don’t remember?”

“I told you, I’m not a good person. I’ve killed a lot of people that I can’t possibly count,” he wets his dry lips with his tongue before continuing, “I’ll be honest with you, I probably killed him for no good reason too. There’s never a good reason to kill anyone but – I probably just did it out of anger.”

I nod slowly, I understood what he meant but at the same time I couldn’t possibly understand or justify his actions. “Do you think my brother killed the man’s friend because it was fun as well?”

Jaebum kisses his teeth and shrugs, “I can’t say. But the possibility of your prediction is very high.”

I nod again. Understanding but not understanding. I place a hand onto Jaebum’s thigh and to give him a soft squeeze, “What if I asked you to stop?”

He blinks, “To stop being apart of the mafia? It’s difficult to call it quits but sure, I will stop working in the underground if it makes you happy and keeps you safe.”

I chuckle shaking my head, “I would never ask you to do that. This is you, Jaebum. You can’t throw away all this and your boys for me. Even if you insist I don’t want that from you. I just wait you to maybe be more merciful and stop offing people cause you think it’s fun.”

Jaebum looks taken aback, he wasn’t surprised when he thought I asked him to leave his life behind. Rather he was shocked that I accepted his life and that I just wanted him to be kinder. A small frown tugs at his mouth as he tries his best not to crack the cheesiest grin, “Okay.”

I smile tilting my head so that I could rest comfortably against his bicep. He runs his fingers through my choppy hair before kissing my forehead softly, “Let’s check on the others. Together this time.”

-

Thankfully everyone was safe and sound. A little bruises and scrapes here and there but nothing fatal. The worst injury was BamBam’s but that was expected since he was the only one who managed to actually get shot. That night Namjoon invited all of GOT7 to stay over at his quarters. It was nice to know that even though the fight was over, the treaty among the two groups were not. Namjoon found out the spark that caused the whole mess through me and he agreed to take the same oath as Jaebum. It was refreshing to see the both of them working together in harmony instead of trying to strangle one another. It was also nice living together under the same roof with BTS and GOT7, it’s been weeks since the incident and all that has happened between the two groups were an exponentially growing bond. Moreover, it seems that this living arrangement is going to be permanent.

Things in my personal life are finally going back to normal. School started a week ago and I was back at my shit job. Even though I could theoretically not work another day in my life due to Namjoon and Jaebum, it was refreshing to work at the run down pub. It helps to keep me grounded.

2 AM

I yawn flicking the lock closed. I turn around to only meet face to face with leather, if this isn’t déjà vu I don’t know what is. I giggle wrapping my arms around Jaebum as he lifts me off the ground, spinning me in a circle.

He leans down to my height to place a soft kiss on my lips, “So I’ve been thinking about what you said. About being a better person.”

I laugh nodding, “Okay, and?”

Jaebum grins excitedly, clasping my hands between his large warm ones, “Being nice to humans is a lot harder than I thought, but I love cats. So I decided to open a shelter to help out animals. Got to start off somewhere right?”

I smile brightly up at him, “That sounds like a great idea! Im Jaebum – mafia boss and cat savior! Will probably kill you, but don’t worry your cat is in safe hands!”

“Are you so sure about that, kitten?” he growls lowly, his hand smoothing the back of my jacket to rest on my rump.

“I-I don’t know…”

“Cause you know that I can destroy your puss-”

I cut him off by yelling out random thoughts that happened to plague my brain, “Yugyeom looks like a mushroom!”

Jaebum face palms, his breath puffing out in white clouds, “Alright, let’s just go home.”

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 2

12

DIZZAY: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. so we gizzy hizzit jane right 'n pusha neolizzle austerity measures wiznere all agree' on that R-to-tha-izzight

KARKAT: UH HUH.

JIZZAY: yizzeah sizzle

DAVE: now shes gizzonna spin some shiznit abizzle supply sizzide economics but we cizzle let ha control tha narrative on that one cauze the first th'n thats gonna happen once she bizzles deregulat'n tha blunt-rollin' industry is that sizzome swizzle dizzle crocodile down 'n consort land be gonna start stylin' sparkle glue 'n tha cupcake miznix which isnt even tha real issue tizzy just surface issues

KIZZLE so show some love! RIGHT.

JADE like this and like that and like this and uh: definitely

DAVE: i M-to-tha-izzean earth c hizzay jizzy been pliznay perpetratin' capitizzle thizne last fizzle thousizzle yizzy W-H-to-tha-izzile we timeskizzle aheezee ta live rad lives as gizzods witout bother'n with anizzle of tha boring shit that goes into chillin' a civilization

DAVE: which be fine i mean you cant rizzle expect a bunch of tizzy whizzo dizzidnt finizzle mizzay schoo' ta set up a sustainable F-to-tha-izzorm of social democracizzle tizzy isnt just blatantly rizzle off whateva we incorrizzle thiznought obama gizzy rizzest his soul was doing back in tha day

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. SIZZLE

DAVE: but janizzles gots dis old schizzool mentalizzle you J-to-tha-izzust kniznow shizzle wizzants ta restrict grist alchizzle fo` tha sizzake of “growth” and wizzy that goes down itll takes three secizzles flat fo` some nobody 'n new dersetown ta drop tha earth c communizzle manifizzle

DIZZAVE: at whiznich point were 'n fo` a speedrun of killa our 20th century or ha 21st century

DAVE so jus' chill: were gonna glitch unda tha map straight fizzy marx ta cizzy dictatorship

DAVE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. which also isnt tha rizneal issizzle

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. OH YEAH.

JADE: of courze

DAVE: be you twizzo evizzle bustin' or be yizzou just bustin' noizes wit yo' mouths

KARKAT: HOW DIZZY YOU.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BE'N ACCUZE' BY DAVE STRIDA, REIGN'N EMPEROR OF SPEW'N ENDLIZZLE VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MAH INNOCENT HEAR DIZZLE EVERY DAY OF MAH FUCK'N LIFE, OF PIMPIN' THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOIZES.

KARKIZZLE cuz its a G thang: JADE, BE YOU HEAR'N DIS?

JADE: im scandalize'

JADE: especially when

JIZZAY: there be much betta th'n we cizzy all be doing wit our mizzy.....

It’s B-to-tha-izzeen a really funky ass diznay they’ve been hav'n, n tizzy Jade had ta go say sum-m sum-m like tizzy like a tru playa'. Tha air 'n tha hizzive changes 'n a way that be palpable, 'n a way that she cizzan’t sizzay ta accurately gauge despite hav'n bizzy superhumizzle n superdog senzes. Shizze’s lying on stomach on thizzay floor, chin 'n ha pizzle, glaszes slid diznown ta tha tizzle of ha noze, kicking ha legs 'n the air. Elizzles of ha outfit resemble gizzle crazy ass jammies: peasant skirt, sparkly flats, n a bold C-H-to-tha-izzoice 'n striped tights. Tiznail swishizzles friznom side ta side, show'n wizzay too mizzuch of ha thigh, which isn’t rizzle all that salacious bustin' tizzy of ha bras be thrown ova tha bizzle of tha couch where shizzay crizzle last nizzle, n the nizzle bizzle that, n tha betta part of the sevizzle yizzay before thiznat. There be othizzle personal effects of hizzers 'n tha liv'n room too fo' sho': plants on tha windizzle, ha biznass guitar sitt'n 'n a corna, a horrific-look'n periodic tizzable that Dave made bitch fo` seventeenth birthday pinned abizzle tha stairwizzle. He typed it 'n Comic Sans, n thizzay deep-fried it to oblivion wit JPIZNEG artifacts.

Everyone 'n dis room knows each otha way tiznoo wizzy, so what hizzles next goes a shawty liznike clockwork.

KARKAT: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sez Karkat, fo` like thirty secizzles strizzay as he retreats into tha bizzay of his sweater. He scoots a half foot ta pizzy his back against tha couch when Jade pushes rappa glaszes up tha bridge of pusha noze and looks at him.

N Dave, wit hizzay preternaturally pizzle tim'n, sizzy a hand fucka hizzis tablet ta br'n up a new PowerPoint slizzle on tha TV. He rizzles ta hizzis Comic Sans-written polizzle presentation, gruesizzle artizzles n all, wit tha grizzay n proficiency of a man who has diffuze' an awkwizzle situation 'n his own household many tizzles pa day, every dizzay, fizzay many years.

DAVE: anyway we all know tha real issizzle be troll reproduction

DIZZY: dis election season be gonna be so jacked up wit dogwhizzles jade will pimp slizzeep agizzle

JIZZY: wizzoof in tha dogg pound!

DAVE: yo git ready fo` tha top propaganda hizzay of tha year

DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics baze' space dictatorshizzle

KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE.

DAVE ya dig? troll homeworld: liznord of the flizzay nightmizzle scenario where kizzay murda each pusha jiznust ta git tha chance ta git ta grow up n pusha otha alizzles instead

KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE bitch ass: actual namizzles of profizzles on altizzle yaba daba dizzle: baller

DAVE: legislacerator

DAVE: minista of suck'n tha eyeballs out of yo' fuck'n skull then putt'n mah two monstrous hr wanna be gangsta tier troll dizzy up 'n thizzle n just mash'n tha shizzit out of yo' brain wit them

KARKAT fo' real: YIZZY MADE THAT LAST ONE UP.

KARKAT: ALSO, IT WIZZLE PIMPIN'??

KARKAT: GROW THA FUCK UP, YIZZLE UTTERLIZZLE CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED.

JIZZY: also you know trolls dizzont actuallizzle have tizzy dizzicks diznave thizzay an offensive stereotype

DAVE: i know T-H-to-tha-izzats tha pizzay kizzy up guys

DIZNAVE: ready fo` anotha one

DAVE: trizzay with the S-N-double-O-P: literizzle ate babies

KARKAT: ONLIZZLE THA DEFIZZLE ONES.

DAVE: like you my dude

KARKAT: ...YEAH.

DAVE: so thizzle why our campaign can W-to-tha-izzork

KARKIZZLE:  cuz its a doggy dog world...

DAVE: btw im gizzay be giv'n a long fizzay exam at the end of dis ta miznake sizzure youre retizzle info coz dis be onlizzle like tha most important saggin' wizzle brotha done collectively

JADE: siiiiiiizzle

DAVE: aside from creat'n the univerze i miznean

JIZZY: its not that it isnt importizzle dave its that like

JIZZAY: tha method youre using to commizzle it be kinda........

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: inefficient n BOR'N

DAVE: you mizzle

DAVE: words

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: i mean YO' words specificallizzle!!!

JADE: we alreadizzle understand the issizzles at plizzay you dont hizzay ta explizzle it ta us brotha n ova again like wizzy twelve

JADE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. rizzle kizzle???

KARKAT: BE YIZZOU RHYMIN' ME WHETHA I’VE HEARD DIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FO` WORD, INCLUD'N REHEARZE' VERSIONS OF BIZNOTH THIZNE COLORFUL METAPHORS N “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY?

KARKAT: COZ THA ANSWA WIZNOULD BE

KIZZLE like a fucka: YES, OF COURZE I FUCK'N HAVE.

Karkat elbizzles Dave 'n tha thigh, a move that be obviously meant ta be an actizzle of pizzy, brotherly jest. Biznut instizzle it comes off as affectionate n overlizzle intimate. Jade’s pusha eyes don’t miss dis. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Ha pizzles follow tha motion of Karkat’s arm, n then thizzle follow tha movement of Dave’s mouth as he smiles in whiznat he probably T-H-to-tha-izzinks be a totallizzle neutral expression T-H-to-tha-izzat reveals exactly 0% of his trizzle feel'n toward Karkizzle Vantas. Im a bad boy wit a lotta. 'n reality, hizzay venea is as thin n transparent as cellophane. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. He be tha only pizzle who cizzan’t see through it bitch ass.

Jade does some calculations 'n ha heezee. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Two kinds of calculations, 'n F-to-tha-izzact so i can get on: mathematical onizzles and personal ones.

JADE straight from long beach: soooooo

J-TO-THA-IZZADE ridin' in mah double R: d-ya wizzy a projectizzle of ha first years hit on tha economy dizzle ta tha decimal witta 0.3% margin of error

JADE: coz thats a spendin' i can do if itll make you sizzy talk'n 'bout dis stupid election fo` ten minutes

DAVE: damn hit me up G-to-tha-izzirl calculator

JADE aww nah: i diznont think youre W-R-to-tha-izzong 'bout jizzles plizzle

She proceeds ta dazzle tha two boys wit explications on complex math utiliz'n taxation rates, GDP figures, and sizzle damned chillin' called tha “Laffa cizzle,” which she easily could hizzay just invizzle to own tizzy B-to-tha-izzoth. But tha truth be, she cares too deeplizzle fo` theze boys ta fabricate silly-sound'n economic models on tha spizzot 'n orda ta mizzake T-H-to-tha-izzem seem foolish 'n front of tha camera lata. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

Tha hatin' 'bout Jade Harley be that she’s nizzot as good at personal th'n as shizzay be at wanna be gangsta cruisin'. Like scizzle, or master'n fraymotifs, or clockin', tha last of which she hiznas definitely put a lizzay of levels into ova the past few years coz, wizzle, what elze be you suppoze' ta do wit immortal godhood once you hit tha age where tha dogg hormones start kicking into overdrive? Shizzay rizzy ova n hitches up on ha palms so that she ciznan stare brotha two down. Ha high-prescription lenzes mizzay ha eyizzles liznook anime-hizzle. They might literally be glitter'n, she’s so completely serious 'bout tha issizzle she be try'n ta stress.

JADE: so nizzy thizzat thats all out of tha way

JADE: its time ta git real you two

DAVE: i

JIZZADE: thizzat wizzle an invitation for yizzou ta M-to-tha-izzake a pun 'bout hav'n all tha tizzay 'n tha world or whateva it was you were go'n ta siznay

DAVE sho nuff: oh

JADE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. im 'bout ta liznay out some ciznold hard evidizzle so pay attention!

KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LIZNET ME GIT A PEN.

JIZZADE: evidence 'bout... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf...

JADE: our relationshizzle!

KARKAT: FIZZLE

JADE: you liznet me live 'n yo' hive when im 'n ghetto

KARKAT: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. I CIZZY BELIEVE...

JADE paper'd up: im preeeetty intimately entwizzle 'n both yo' lives

KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST SLAPPIN' 'BOUT DIS? Recognize the realness.

JIZZY: N you dont disengage from 'bout 86.234% of mah flirtations

KARKIZZLE, better recognize: WIZZAIT, WIZZY THA FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SUM-M SUM-M LIKE THAT?

JADE: so....... be we do'n dis or not? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

KARKAT: BUSTIN' WHIZZLE?!

JIZZY: dat'n dizzle!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: OH.

KARKIZZLE: THAT BE

KARKAT cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: TIZZY BE... A COMPLICATED TOPIC 'N MY CULTURE THIZZAY I’M NOT SURE HIZZLE BE EQUIPPED TA RAP 'BOUT.

DIZNAVE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. also totally unrelated to tha economy

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. which not gonna lie be tha only sippin' i want ta rap 'bout fo` uh

DAVE: They call me tha president. for howeva long it takes fo` dis other convizzle ta stop happen'n

JADE paper'd up: so say no! You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.!!

DIZNAVE: well

KARKAT ridin' in mah double R: UHHHHH

JADE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. im not just steppin' dis conversation fo` mah sizzle! its fo` you two as well

JADE: i mean afta all dis time have you two even kisze' yet aww nah??????

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: wha

KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD

DAVE spittin' that real shit: uhh

KIZZLE: WHY WOULD WE KISS keep'n it real yo??

DAVE: thizzay

KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HIZZLE DAVE.

DAVE: we

KARKIZZLE: N I’M KARKAT.

JADE: shut up. yes hes diznave n youre karkat n everyone we kizzy always calls you that

JADE: “dave n karkat”

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: Slap your fuckin self. i cant rememba tha lizzle time i H-to-tha-izzeard anyizzle mizzle one of you witout tha

JADE: tha two of you have basically been togetha S-to-tha-izzince yizzy diznays on tha mizzle its SO obvious

KARKAT like this and like that and like this and uh: BROTHA, YES. AS FRIENDS.

DIZZAY: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. yea

KARKAT: VERY CLOZE WHIZNO UNDERSTAND N SIZZLE EACH OTHA ON A DIZZEEP N EMPATHIZZLE LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HIZZATE OR PITY. YOU CIZZLE EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP...

KARKAT:  sho nuff...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS.

JADE dogg: yeaaaaaah niznot gonna lizzle karkat bizzut that siznounds totizzle kizzle gizzy

KIZZLE: UGH YOU HUMANS N YO' UNFATHOMABLE BAZE' QUADRANTS.

Jizzade faceplams. She does it a L-to-tha-izzittle too H-to-tha-izzard n slams tha bridge of shot calla glaszes into ha foreheezee fo my bling bling.

JIZZLE: ow! shut up.

KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... PERPETRATIN' T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST T-TO-THA-IZZIME WE CHIZZLE?

Jizzy drags ha hand dizzay tha bottom half of hizzer face n sizzle.

JADE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. yeah fo` FUN

JADE bitch ass: im twenty tizzy dont you think thizzats a shawty old ta sizzy be dat'n fo` fizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: wizzay yizzy say'n we arent fun

JADE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: whens tha lizzay time eitha of yiznou left thizzle hizouze??????

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

Jade sighs n crawls closa. Shizze takes one of Karkat’s hands 'n.

JADE: i think wed all wizzork good togetha

'n ha otha hizzy, sizzy tries ta gizzy Dizzles wrist, but he flash-steps ta the otha sizzide of tha couch. Boo-Yaa! She pouts at him n keeps hold'n Karkat’s increasingly sweaty palm and yo momma.

JIZZLE: n i think wizzle bizzle bustin' around thizzat fo` years now

JADE: i wizzanna trizzle weed-smokin' fo` real

KARKAT like a tru playa': HAVE YOU BALLER CONSIZZLE

KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M 'BOUT TA SIZZAY TOTALLY BLOWS YO' MIND

KARKAT: DATING A S-TO-THA-IZZINGLE PERSIZZLE, FO` MIZZAY T-H-TO-THA-IZZAN HALF A SWEEP, FO` REASONS THAN INITIAT'N THA CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS keep'n it real yo?

Jade’s grip on Kizzles hand gets a shawty tizzay tizzy, bizzle ha big-toothed sizzy remains flawlessly pleasant. Dis be a common sizzle of exchange between them n ciznould be easily consizzle flirtation on sevizzle differizzle metrics, especially consider'n tha history between thiznem n tha playa lizzle of B-L-to-tha-izzack flirtation that Karkat accidentally indulge' 'n dur'n his insizzle yizzy. He diznoesn’t even pizzull his hand away.

JADE: ok F-to-tha-izzirst of all dont sliznut shame me fuckass

JADE: second of all thizzay what im try'n ta do hizzere

JIZZADE: third of all karkat arent you frizzom a culture where thugz be expectizzle ta engage 'n romizzle relationships wit up ta like five thugz at a tiznime??

KIZZLE: THIZNAT’S NOT

KARKAT: THAT’S NIZZOT THA SAME MOBBIN' AT ALL.

JADE: oh yeah??? explain tha fundamental epistemologicizzle difference

KARKAT: WHAT THA FUCK?!

DIZZY: ok jade i think theres a flaw 'n yo' approach here cauze you seem ta think winn'n an argument on snoopa cleva logical grizzay be gizzonna git a couple dudizzles ta brizneak down n fl'n themselves at you 'n like, a sexual way

J-TO-THA-IZZADE, know what im sayin? wellll it usuallizzle does ;B

DAVE: oh mah fuck'n god

This earns Dizzay a look. A long, sad one thizzay has Jizzy ridin' with ha glaszes again so thizzat she can pea rizzight at him and applizzle some more of that faultizzle personal miznath ta his facial expression.

JIZNADE: dizzy... Drop it like its hot....

DIZZAY: whizzat

JADE: be dis...........

JADE: 'bout obizzle? Im a bad boy.??

DIZZAY: what

DAVE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: no i

JADE: dave be you 'n love wit obama?

DIZZAY: jade jesus where d-ya git dis shit from

JADE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: be it 'bout jesus then??????

DAVE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. no upside yo head!

DAVE: jesus wizzy evizzle real

JIZNADE: i know he wizzy rizzeal!

JIZZADE: wait ridin' in mah double R...<?span>

JADE: be you crack-a-lackin`

JADE: obama was R-to-tha-izzeal?

DIZZAY: ...

DIZNAVE: yiznes

DAVE: obizzle was real

DAVE: he was tha president

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JIZNADE: all dis time i thizzay obizzle wizzy liznike

JADE: an aspirational fictional characta thiznat you modeled yo' life afta

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CIZZAY AHAHA BREATHE...

JADE: like snoop dogg or nicolas cage

KIZZLE: THIS BE BLUNT-ROLLIN' INCREDIBLE

DAVE: they were both real too

DAVE: i know thizzle yizzy grew up on an isolated island 'n the middle of nowhere n but dizzidnt you have lizzy

DAVE: access ta tha internizzle

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: wow wizzy im sorry i wasted mah whole chizzle fill'n mah heezee wit pointless bustin' like astrizzles n senizzle numeral S-Y-S-T-to-tha-izzems that allow me ta do cizzle equatizzles 'n mah heezee!!!!!!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE cuz its a pimp thang: no dizzle thats kind of fucked up

DIZNAVE: kizzle stiznop cruisin' jades fizzle up childhizzle isnt funny

KARKIZZLE: HAHAHAHIZZLE YES IT BLINGIN' BE!

KARKAT: ALSO SCREW YOU FO` SAY'N IT’S NIZNOT FUNNY? Bounce wit me.?

KARKAT: Holla! WHIZZLE BE IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDIZZLE* HIZZY SIZZY WAS RAIZE'?

KARKAT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. COZ SHE WIZZAS RAIZE' ALIZZLE BY AN ANIMAL??

KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIZZLE fo' sheezy!

KARKAT: Subscribe, get yo issue. FUCK OFF N LIZZET ME ENJOY DIS!

KARKAT: AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHIZZLE!

Karkat has finally pulled hizzay hand away so that he can clutch his stomach, hizzy laugh'n so hard. Jade gets up n stizzay pusha ta where Dave is awkwardly cower'n at the otha end of tha C-to-tha-izzouch n snatches his tablet fizzy him. Therizzles a ripple 'n tha room that makes it clear they god tia powa have jiznust clizzle agizzle each otha. He shifts his arm through time and Jiznade warps tha space around T-H-to-tha-izzem so that she’s tha one blunt-rollin' tha tablet dogg. Dis be not tha first time that they have rearrange' tha fabric of reality for a petty reason like dis. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Karkat hizzy permanently swiznorn off bustin' board games wit them.

Tha moment Jade br'n tha paint program up on tha televizzle, Karkat stops laugh'n. Tru.

KARKIZZLE paper'd up: NO where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'!

He tries ta griznab tha tablet friznom killa, but she’s hover'n wizzy above tha griznound n he simply be niznot tall enough ta R-to-tha-izzeach so i can get on. Witta perpetratin' grizzle n deliberate cizzare, Jizzy begins ta draw a G-R-to-tha-izzid.

JIZZY: ill pizzay dis 'n T-to-tha-izzerms karkat will appreciate, check it out

KARKAT: JADE, I SWIZZAY TA...

Karkat jumps n tries ta grab ha skirt, but she swiznims thrizzle tha air wit eaze, spendin' as sizzy doodles in tha dogg pound.

KARKAT: Aint no stoppin' this shit. YIZZOU NIZZY BE DRAW'N WHIZNAT I T-H-TO-THA-IZZINK YOU’RE DRAW'N! Bounce wit me.

Gangsta artistic skiznill even at the advanced age of twenty-three still lizzles sum-m sum-m ta be desired, bizzay it’s prettizzle easy ta produce recognizable caricatures of tha thrizzle thugz 'n tha rizzy R-to-tha-izzight nizzow thats off tha hook yo. Shizzle gives Kizzle a piznair of fizzle, angrizzle eyebrows n starts draw'n lines. Sinista lines, wit salacioizzles mean'n. It’s exizzle whiznat Karkat fizzy n we out! a bustin' grid now pass the glock.

KARKIZZLE: STOP! CEAZE sho nuff! DESIST DIS MOMENT, ya feel me? DO NOT DRAW ONE MORE LINE!

JADE so show some love! oh niznooo im drawing a line karkat killa stizzle me before it goes aaaall the way from mah mouth ta yiznours!

Karkat catches tha back of ha shirt n shizzay goes slappin' weightlessly to tha floor, stiznill mackin'. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Karkat triznies ta wizzy tha pen out of ha hand, biznut all he accomplishes be turn'n tha rizzle trajectory between ha n D-to-tha-izzave into a redrizzle loop-de-loop.

JIZZAY: sizzay me and karkat have bootylicious bizzy chemizzle!

KARKAT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. IT BE NIZZY BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHIZZLE WIZZLE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked!

Jizzay n Kizzle roll ova each otha on the floor n he gets a mouthful of bitch hair fo` hizzy trouble. Jizzle comes out on top n S-to-tha-izzits on hizzle bizzack, humm'n ta hizzle as she C-R-to-tha-izzafts her grand dizzle.

JADE: and now thizzay daves all chill hizzed make a bootylicious auspistizzle

She sez, chizzle n oblivious ya dig?

DIZZLE: no

JIZZADE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: coz you n kizzle be kind of like moirails

DAVE: no

J-TO-THA-IZZADE straight from long beach: n yizzle and i

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: wizzy yknow its always been pretty flirty

DAVE: jade

JADE: EXCEPT!

Jade finishes draw'n a shaky heart dirizzle into tha paint program in tha dogg pound. It’s so bizzy n bright on tha TV T-H-to-tha-izzat it fizzy tha entire R-to-tha-izzoom wit red light so jus' chill. Karkat raizes his face n stizzles at it 'n utterly bereft horror. Tha siznick light makes tha bizzay unda his eyes liznook lizzike divots.

JIZZADE: in dis model..........

JADE in tha dogg pound: troll quadrants be dumb so we ALL kizzle!

JADE fo all my homies in the pen: i cizzay this polizzle arrizzle:

JIZNADE: fullizzle automatizzle luxurizzle polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!

No one reacts. Karkat be defeated, completely. Dave has just crosze' his arms n presze' his mizzouth into a thinna liznine than usual. Jade’s ears flattizzle n she huffs. It sounds a shawty like a dogg whin'n. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

JADE: oh come on thizzle was a G-to-tha-izzood one!

JADE: its politically relevant n everyth'n

DAVE: jizzy im not gonna lizzay at yo' mizzade up ship nizzay fo` dis imaginary threesome thats not happen'n

J-to-tha-izzade R-to-tha-izzolls eyizzles n toszes B-to-tha-izzoth tha tablet and pizzen fucka ha shoulda. Dave flashes across tha liv'n room ta catch his vizzle expensive comput'n devizzle 'n both arms. Tha pen bizzles off hizzay foreheezee. Jade dizzles from Karkat’s poor, abuze', terribly mortizzle spine n brushes down ha S-K-to-tha-izzirt.

JADE: well ive sizzy whizzat i wanted ta say

JIZNADE: its up ta yizzay two what you do wit it

JADE: i H-to-tha-izzave ta go rap ta roxy n callie 'bout tha election anyway

JIZZAY: call me when you two figure it all out!

Jizzle clizzle ha heels togetha ta propel herself back into tha air n actually winks at them before abscond'n thrizzay an open window. She hizzay ta P-to-tha-izzush the thick curtains asizzle ta do so. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Karkat hiszes whizzay tha light spills rappa his face. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

What Jizzle leaves 'n ha wizzy be not qizzy the emotional scorched-earth situation thizzay she was messin' fo`, but a fizzay of ha needlizzles have definizzle gotten unda some skizzin so jus' chill. Dave n Karkat both stiznare ha, silently caught 'n they own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat N-to-tha-izzeeds ta verbalize part of his out loud.

KARKIZZLE: WOW WHAT A CRAZY N TOTALLY IMPROBABLE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD WIT OUR BEST JADE.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: y...

DIZZAY: Y-to-tha-izzeah

KARKAT: WHAT A G-TO-THA-IZZOOD TH'N FO` US THAT SHIZZLE TOTALLIZZLE DELUSIONAL N HAS NO IDIZZLE WHIZZAY SHIZZE’S TALK'N ABOUT, HUH?

DAVE: One, two three and to tha four. fo` sure

Dizzave offa Kizzle a hand up F-R-to-tha-izzom tha floor. When they palms connect, there’s a moment whiznere sum-m sum-m cizzle happen. A shawty spark of potential. Drop it like its hot. It would be so vizzle easy fo` sum-m sum-m ta happen, better recognize.

KARKAT: ...........

DAVE: ..........

KARKIZZLE: WANNA PLIZZAY SOME TROLL TONY H-TO-THA-IZZAWK?

DAVE: hell

DIZZLE: yizneah

> ==>

[roseverdict]

(rereading this, im realizing i got rambly. heh, whoops)

there were rumors circulating at one point that the married gym teacher @ my hs had slept with one of the students.

i never heard anything else about it.

i just embraced my destiny to be that one quirky bg character with different goofy things every time they showed up on-screen. such items included: a knitting loom, a ukulele, a little sketchbook where i drew a comic, Big Bags o' Books™, my 3DS, and rolls of patterned duct tape. (you get creative when your dad's too cheap to get you a smartphone until your phone carrier actually forces him to. made trying to play kahoot an ordeal for 3 whole years.)

i may have been a foil for Cowboy Hat Kid, who had a cowboy hat on every time i saw him over the four years i went there. computer hallway? cowboy hat. history/language hallway? cowboy hat. cafeteria? cowboy hat. shop class hallway? cowboy hat.

the closest i ever got to being in high school drama was a tie between the teacher who asked where i lived and (once i gave her a vague area, bc um??? excuse me???) patronizingly called it the ghetto (and got fired 2 years later, presumably for pulling a similar stunt but idk for sure) and…probably that one time my choir teacher had me move spots during a practice and someone next to me kept insisting i had to go back, no matter what i told her, even going on about it and patronizing me right before a performance until i left the room in tears. oh, or maybe when our substitute science teacher for the semester kept losing our homework and nobody would listen when i said "no i actually did turn these in" until he finally quit from the "stress." like idk what he expected, he wasn't doing his job right.

…actually i got patronized a lot. wow. uh. hm. i had more important things to do than think about who's sleeping with who, like wrestling my grades out of the toilet and fighting my at-the-time-undiagnosed depression and figuring out what i actually thought about things outside the conservative bubble. the world sucks, i wasn't gonna waste time being pessimistic. apparently people just took my cheeriness at face value and figured i was just childish. joke's on them lol i'm living my best life and not having mental breakdowns on the daily anymore

…I DIGRESS.

my point is, like. all this stuff on tv about high school drama…i just can't relate. start talking about the nerd/music table at lunch not dealing with conflicts and just quietly working out their complex relationships with gender identity and sexual orientation without manipulating anyone for their own means or being harassed by the jock table, then we'll talk.

where do TV shows get this idea that high school is constant drama, nothing even fucking happened to me in high school

[uberff]

Chapter 3

                                                        Jaylen

“Yo, you always smoking.” Odell complained as he coughed from all the smoke that was going around. Nobody told his bored ass to come over here. He need to be some where chilling wit his sister or somebody. Somebody find this nigga a friend.

“And you always in my face, but you don’t see me complaining bitch.” I shrugged as I blew smoke out my nose. I hated when people complained about my smoking habits. It ain’t like I’m out here smoking cigarettes. When he text me, I specifically told him that I was smoking and when I’m smoking, I like to be left alone.

“Some people live for the powerrrr yeaaaaa..” I sang lowly as I closed my eyes. I wasn’t in my feelings or nun of that shit. I was just more of an R&B type of dude. I mean I fucks wit rap heavy, but sometimes I just wanna relax and vibe.

“Nigga I came over to talk about my problems and you singing and shit. Wuttice this? A Tyler Perry play?” He sucked his teeth. Him and Winter we’re going through it like always, and he wanted advice. I would’ve been left her difficult ass if you ask me.

“Boy you better drop her ass and keep it pushing.” I told him as he straight faced me. I guess he ain’t like that idea.

“What you want from me, Bruh? I asked you if you wanted to hit this and you said no.” I waved him off. Don’t get me wrong, I’d help my nigga in a heartbeat but right now I was vibing and I wasn’t about to let NOBODY kill my fucking mood after this bitch just pissed me off.

I was fucking wit this one chick, and I ain’t even gone lie I told her we were together just so I could hit. She finally got the memo that I was lying and gone try and cut me off. Like damn, it wasn’t even that serious Judge Judy ass bitch. Then she got the nerve to get a new nigga. Unbelievable.

“I’m out, you pissing me off.” He chucked up the deuces as I laughed. It was funny when he got mad cause this nigga be ready to kill somebody once you push his buttons.

Staring around at my now spotless condo, I thought of all the things I could do. I wasn’t into all that social media and TV shit so most of the time I just sit here when I’m not painting. Well except Twitter, that shit be lit.

“Where’s Odell?” Winter barged through my door, looking like Cleo from set it off. I don’t know why the fuck her voice was so damn deep. I thought she was one of my niggas.

“Chill Remy Ma, barging in here like you pay my bills. Fuck wrong witchu’?” I asked as I got up and stood in front of her. She looked like she wanted to slap the shit outta me for saying that. I wanted to laugh so bad, but truth be told I was lowkey scared of her ass. Hell, everyone was scared of her except Odell cause he knew how to handle her ass.

“I didn’t come to joke around with you, where is he?” She asked as she started moving everything around. That’s where she fucked up. I just cleaned up.

“Oh no baby, what is you doing? Wrecking my shit like you the Incredible Hulk or some shit. Dumbass, he’s at his fucking crib.”

“Fight me Jaylen.” She said as I looked at her like she was crazy. I guess she was tired of my shenanigans. I don’t give a fuck.

“You wild. Go eat a snickers.” I chuckled at her as I pet the top of her head. She scrunched up her face, and before she could say anything I politely walked her to the door before slamming it in her face. “Damn nigga can’t get no privacy anymore.” I shook my head as I locked the door.

I hated locked doors, but I ain’t finna deal with they crazy asses. As I walked into the kitchen, I started to think about the bomb ass meal that my nigga Rob made for me a few days ago. Shit, I wish her little ass was the mea-

The sound of my phone ringing cut off my unholy thoughts. “What?” I answered with attitude without checking the caller I.d. It was a FaceTime call.

“Jaylen!” I heard my little sister Jayla voice. My whole mood completely changed. Jayla was my fucking heart, my everything.

“Hey pretty girl! I haven’t seen your little pretty face in a minute, what you been up to?” I smiled in the camera as she blushed causing me to laugh. She was adorable.

My dad’s girlfriend had Jayla a few years ago and she was the cutest little ball of energy. My dad’s girl on the other hand? Nah man, that bitch was ghetto. I don’t understand why he even got with her. It’s hard to believe she birthed something so precious.

“Learning my ABC’s!” She smiled showing one of her missing teeth. She had just started school this year and it sucked that I couldn’t be there, but summer was coming up so hopefully she can spend it here with me. That would be dope.

“That’s good! Let me hear you sing them.” I told her as she cleared her throat and started singing her ABC’s. Jayla actually had a voice. Reminded me of my momma. Everyone knew Momma J could sang her ass off. My dad had a few skills, but no one could top ma dukes.

“Aye! That’s my girl! You being a good girl for your dad?” I asked as she nodded innocently. She may have looked innocent, but she was a handful.

“Nigga I’m yo daddy, too.” I heard my dad’s voice in the background causing me to chuckle. My dad was really a trip. Funniest man alive, I swear.

“Sup pops?” I laughed as he picked Jayla up and both of their faces were in the camera. They were twins.

“Nah don’t try to claim me now. This fool tripping Jayla.” He joked as I laughed. “Go help ya mom real quick.” He told her as she ran away smiling.

“How you been, son?” He asked, realizing we haven’t talked in a while. Don’t get me wrong, we were mad close but niggas been busy. Plus, I know he been busy with working and Jayla.

“Good, gettin’ to this money.” I cheesed as I pulled a stack out my pocket and flashed it to him. He chuckled and shook his head. My dad was a wealthy man also, but it felt good to know that I ain’t have to depend off of him.

“What about you though?” I asked, getting serious.

“Same shit man. Jayla’s a fucking handful. It’s like lil mama don’t ever get tired. Reminds me of you.”

“Me? How?” I don’t remember acting like Jayla at all. I was a sweet lil innocent kid. I ain’t hurt a fly.

“Boy you know you used to climb walls and shit like you was Spider-Man.” He joked a he let out his ugly ass Windex bottle laugh. Nigga stayed laughing at his own corny ass jokes.

“Akikiki, you ain’t funny old man.” I mugged him while he continued to laugh. Somebody come get they pops.

“Damn, I miss you son. We gotta come out there and visit soon.” He said as his laughter died down.

“You know you can come whenever, just make sure you take yo baby mama back to the hood before you come.” I assured him as he chuckled, putting his fist up to his mouth. He thought it was funny every time I talked about her cause he knew it was true.

“Besides all that shit, she cool. I mean yea, she a lil loud but-”

“JAYCEON! IM TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER YO ASS!” I heard her loud voice yell in the background as he jumped making me snicker. “I rest my case.” He flicked me off.

“Fuck up, Ima talk to you later.” He hung up before I could even say anything else. Man I was looking forward to them coming down here. It would’ve been nice if my mom could too. Even though they wasn’t together, they were still cool.

Pushing those thoughts to the back of my head, I scrolled through my contacts to find Rob’s contact. A nigga was starving.

Tapping on her name, the phone rang for quite some time before her face appeared in the camera. “Eh, you ugly in the morning.” I laughed as her swole face was all in the camera. I was kidding, but she did look like a blow fish when she woke up.

My smirk was soon wiped off of my face when I heard the 3 beeps. This motherfucker. I ain’t even finna call her back, I’ll just go buy something to eat.

“Nah let me start picking bitches up, a nigga bored.” I mumbled to myself as I clicked into the Uber app and made myself available.

**

Once I was at my destination, I thanked God cause a nigga’s feet was starting to hurt. I was at a nice looking hotel, waiting on this person to come out. This was like the 8th person I’ve picked up.

The petite girl came out with sunglasses and a big hoodie, struggling with her duffle bag. I would help, but she a big girl she got it.

As she finally got in the car, I drove off. “Fuck, I didn’t even have time to catch my breath. Thank you for being such a gentleman.” She said sarcastically. I knew that attitude from anywhere.

“Who you getting smart wit?”

“Jaylen?” She asked as she pulled her glasses off.

“Didn’t I just buy yo ass a car? What you doing here?” I rose an eyebrow as I noticed her long brown curls  that flowed down her back. She made them loook good on her. 

This whole time, Rob was at a hotel that was like 30 fucking minutes away. She had a whole big ass room at home, what was she doing here?

“I don’t drive in the rain, thanks.” She said as she brought her head up from her lap.

“You trying to go to my place or what?” I asked her, noticing it was getting a little dark out.

“Sure, why not?” She said nonchalantly. She know she wanted to come over, I always showed her a good time whenever she did.

“Don’t say it like you don’t wanna come, cause you know you do.”

“What you got planned?” She looked over at me with a smirk. Let me find out Rob a freak.

“First, we can fuck for a few hours then-”

“I’m serious!” She playfully hit my chest. Little did she know, I was serious too. I would fuck the shit out of Robyn.

“Aight.. wanna play 2k?” I ain’t really have shit else to do, and it would be nice to whoop her ass in something. She looked like she sucked in 2k.

“Yo simple ass would ask that.. but sure why not?” She said, flashing me her pearly whites. She was fucking pretty man.

This was gone be a long night due to the fact that I couldn’t try nothing with her.

**

Bumping to some PAC, I mumbled the lyrics as I swept up the kitchen. I loved cleaning on Sunday’s, it just felt nice to get everything out the way. I like my shit spotless. If someone drops like one drop of water on the floor, Ima make them clean it up. Call me a neat freak or whatever, I don’t care.

“They got money for wars, but can’t feed the poor.” I rapped as I searched around for the dustpan.

As I was sweeping, I started to think about this art show I had coming up in 2 weeks. I wanted everything to be perfect. This was going to be my first show, and boy I was nervous as hell. I think I got this.

Me and my mom always talked about this day..

I was knocked out of my thoughts when one of my phones started ringing. I didn’t even know where that bitch was at. “Dawg, I just cleaned this damn living room.” I sighed as I realized I was gone have to rip and run all up and through here. Just when I thought I was almost done cleaning..

I was lazy as hell, but I knew it was one of my clients cause my personal phone is in my pocket. I wasn’t about to miss out on no money either.

As the ringing continued, I noticed that it had to be either in the couch or behind it. Moving the couch pillows all around, my Matte Black IPhone 7+ was lying there. Sucking my teeth, I noticed the phone eventually stopped ringing so I picked it up and checked the screen.

Loyal: GM Chris, what time did you say I needed to pick up the piece again?

Damn she hit a nigga with the dry ass abbreviations. “GM.” I mumbled to myself as I chuckled.

Cynthia was another loyal client of mine. She was my mom’s friend daughter. She’s been buying from me before my work even got out there and recognized. She was fine as hell, but I knew she ain’t take me serious. She’s 32 on her grown woman shit, and I know she ain’t got time to be messing wit me.

Me: Sup Cynthia, you can come pick it up at around 2. How does that sound?

Loyal: perfect! ️ see you at 2!

Tossing my phone back on the couch, I heard little footsteps coming down the stairs. I knew it was Rob lil lazy ass. “You finally up? Yo, I thought you was dead.” I said to her as she walked in the kitchen. I would’ve made breakfast for her too, but I seriously ain’t think she was gonna get up. And I shole wasn’t finna wake her. She seemed pretty tired.

She always looked so refreshed whenever she woke up. Her jet black straight hair was in a messy bun, while she wore a big t shirt and some bunny slippers. She a big ass baby I swear.

Before I could speak, I seen her open the microwave, about to take my plate out. “Oh no baby, what is you doing?” I said in my NOLA accent as I swatted her hand away. I had made MYSELF some honey butter biscuits, crispy bacon, fluffy eggs, hot grits, and a lovely side of pineapples that I cut up.

“What you mean? I’m-”

“Close mouths don’t get fed baby, that’s my food. I’ll buy you some Waffle House or some shit.” I assured her as she mugged me. I’d give her a piece of my pineapple or something, but she wasn’t getting my food. That’s something a nigga don’t share at all. I don’t care who you is.

“Trifling ass.” I heard her mumble under her breath as she started to look in my fridge. She pulled out the smoothie I had just bought from Smoothie King a few hours ago. Smoothie King hit the spot every time. I always got Island Impact.

“Who told you to get my smoothie?” I asked as I rose my eyebrow.

“Shut up, you got a whole meal over there.” She complained as she sipped some of the smoothie from the straw. Wasn’t she the one just complaining the other day about how she don’t know where my mouth been?

“Girl shut up.” I laughed as I got out another plate and started giving her some of my food. I don’t know how I feel about all this nice shit going on.

“Thanks. Can I see your laptop?” She asked with a cheesy smile. Huffing, I grabbed my Mac off of the couch and handed it to her.

“Wow, when you let people see your laptop can you make sure you exit out of your porn first?” She said as she chuckled lowly. It wasn’t no shame in my game. We all know what niggas do when they home alone. Get that lotion and laptop popping ASAP.

“Maybe you should get your own laptop.” I replied as she looked up from the screen.

“I do, but I don’t feel like going all the way next door just to get it when yours is right here.” She said she she grabbed her glasses that she had brought down here.

“Wanna hit this?” I asked as I snug my arm around her shoulder. She shook her head no as I sucked my teeth. I had a blunt behind my ear that I was saving for this moment.

I knew she was stressed out from whatever her and O was talking bout earlier cause it was all over her face. Plus, I knew her feet was killing her from the heels she been wearing all last night. I was just trying to get her to relax a lil bit.

“Come onnnn Rob, ion’ want you sitting there looking like a lost puppy all night. Smoke dis blunt wit me.” I told her as she looked at me for a quick second.

Taking the blunt out of my hand, she inhaled the smoke as she closed her eyes, blowing it out of her nose. Taking another hit, a smile spread across her face. Passing it to me, she sat back and put her feet on my lap. She lucky I like feets.

“What’s bothering you?” I asked her as I started to massage her feet. She sighed as she threw her head back.

“Just some stuff happened at my shoot yesterday when I was leaving. It’s fine, I’m good now.” I knew this motherfucker was lying, she not slick at all.

“You know I’m gone bring this up another time, right? I’ll drop it for now though.” I told her as she smiled.

As she closed her eyes again, my eyes wandered off onto her long, toned legs. I couldn’t help but rest my hand on her thick thigh. She tensed up a bit. “Relax.” I whispered in her ear as she loosened up. I know that made her wet for a fact.

She looked so good right now and I honestly just wanted her to sit on my face. “Let me eat your pussy, Robyn.” I blurted out as she didn’t react. It was as if she didn’t hear me.

“Ok..” she mumbled as a smirk plastered across my face. I knew she was too high to care.

My lips crashed against hers as she began to run her dainty hands down my tattooed covered chest and abs. She smelt so fucking good, like flowers and shit.

Carrying her to my room, I laid her on the bed breaking the kiss. I bit my lip admiring her body. I took off her skirt before climbing in between her legs. Kissing her lips while taking her bra straps off of her shoulders, I kissed her neck continuing to take her bra off exposing her bare, little perky titties. I’m glad she ain’t have nipple rings, a nigga was tired of tasting coins.

I licked her neck down to her perfect nipples sucking on each one gently making her moan unexpectedly. “Damn these is pretty.” I mumbled against her skin, causing her to chuckle.

Leaving trails of rough, sloppy kisses down her stomach, I made my way all the way to her inner thighs. I played with her wetness through her soaked panties. Her moans grew a louder as I used my thumb to circle her pearl. “J-Jaylen..” She moaned out. I swear to god that made my dick jump. The way she was biting her lip was so fucking sexy.

I slid her panties to the side, playing wit her pussy like a banjo. As I sucked her juices off of my fingers, I noticed her blushing. “You taste like candy, baby.” I complimented her as I slid her panties off before devouring her pussy like it was my last meal.

I licked and sucked before kissing her other set of lips. Slurping up her juices, I made my way back up to her clit to suck on it again. “Fuck Jaylen, don’t stop.” She moaned as she pushed my face deeper. Baby girl was trying to suffocate me.

“Arch ya back.” I got up as she looked at me confusingly, but still did as she was told. Baby girl was so fine, I wanted to eat her pussy from the back.

Becoming face to face with her pretty pink pussy, I swirled my tongue against it as she tried to run away. “Jaylen, I’m gonna cum!” She moaned loudly.

“Bring dat’ ass here.” I laughed as I pulled her by her legs. The vibrations from my mouth had her leaking. I slurped up her sweet juices before coming back up to her lips. Pressing my hard member against her, she wrapped her legs around my waist. I knew she wasn’t ready for the dick yet.

“You good?” I asked her as I hovered over her. She covered her hands over her face as she smiled.

“Oh god, I made a mess.” She said as she got up to look at the sheets where some of her juices were. Her face was covered in embarrassment.

“You good, I got it.” As I started to take the sheets off of my bed, she went to the bathroom to go clean herself up.

By now, my dick was hard as a rock and I knew she wasn’t gonna give me no pussy that easy. A nigga was not trying to get blue balls and I wasn’t about to beat my meat.

“Hey, I’m gonna go shower at home and bring a few things over here. So I should be back in like 2-3 hours.” She said as she started putting her clothes back on. Perfect.

Nodding, she jogged out my room. Looking over in the corner, I noticed her thongs on the floor. “Aye Rob!” I called out, hoping she hadn’t left yet.

“Yea?” She asked as I heard her tiny footsteps getting closer to the room. She peeked her head in the door.

“You left yo panties over der’.” I pointed to the corner as she giggled. Shaking my head, I laughed along with her. Grabbing them, she proceeded to leave again.

Sighing out of relief, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and went straight to my messages and clicked on her number. I know if Robyn knew about this, she’d be pissed but it wasn’t like she was my girl or some shit so it shouldn’t matter.

Pushing those thoughts to the back of my head, I sent her a text.

Me:  come ride me 🤤

ole girl: 🤦🏽‍♀️ “when I want sum dick, I will call u”

Me:  stop playing

ole girl: omw

She literally lived around the corner so I knew I had enough time.

**

“Ah, fuck.” I moaned as I felt myself release inside of her. I didn’t even give a fuck if she heard me or not, that shit felt so fucking good. Before I could even move, she pushed me off of her.

“Jaylen, I know you did not just fucking nut in me.” She gritted as she looked down at her pussy.

“Huh?” Even if I wanted to pull out, I couldn’t because she had her fucking legs wrapped around my waist. Plus, she was on the pill when we was together so I assumed she still was. What was she tripping about?

“Huh?” She mocked me as she looked at me like I was crazy.

“Why you trippin’? You said you was on the pill.” She act like she couldn’t just go take a Plan B.

“Bitch I was talking about xanax.” She groaned as she started to panic.

“Chill-”

“Shut up! I swear, I’m done coming over here. You only last for 10 fucking minutes anyways.” She ranted, clearly pissed as she got her belongings.

“So what? It ain’t my fault you got good pussy.” I shrugged, realizing she tried to make me mad. I ain’t give a fuck.

“You say the dumbest shit ever.” She mugged me as dropped her stuff. She went in the bathroom to run some water and I was gonna tell her she had to go until  Rob text me.

Robyn: Jay, I’m just now getting out the shower and I’m really sleepy so I’ll just come by in the morning. k?

Me: bet. goodnight lil one

Robyn: goodnight

Chuckling at the emoji she sent, I sat my phone back on the nightstand before making my way into the bathroom.

I looked by the tub, and she wasn’t in there so I guess she was in the shower.

“Aye..” I called her as I tapped on the glass. She jumped so fast that I couldn’t help but laugh. She rolled her eyes.

“Can’t you play music in here?” She asked referring to the shower. Nodding, I grabbed the remote so I could play music from her phone.

“K thanks, bye.” She said as the music started to play. It was some R Kelly, so I had no choice but to fuck her again.

“How you gone kick me out my own bathroom. Who you think you is?” I looked at her as she scrunched up her face. I swear she acted like she was a fucking queen and like everybody should worship her.

“Me…”

“So? What that mean?” I asked as she ignored me. I took that as my chance to stare at her body.

“Let me get it from the back real quick.” I bit my lip as she shook her head no.

“Hell no, not after that shit you just pulled.”

“Pssh.” I gave her a ‘yea ok’ look. Sliding in the shower with her, I pretended to bathe so she wouldn’t say anything. Grabbing her by her waist, I started to rub my tip at her opening.

“Jaylen, I’m not pl- Fuck!” She moaned, as I rammed into her with no warning. I knew I’d have her bent over in this shower in no time.

“Yea, what’s that shit you was talkin’?” I asked smacking her ass, as I yanked a handful of hair, making her look back at me. She liked that type of shit.

I knew she was gonna fuss at me for getting her hair wet since she just got it done, but I ain’t give a fuck.

                                                      Robyn

As I was catching up on 13 reasons why, I heard a big pop go off in the kitchen. It smelled like something was burning. “What the hell you do, Robyn?!” Odell asked as he ran in the kitchen to go see what was wrong.

Huffing, I paused the TV before jogging to the kitchen. The smoke alarm started to go off. “Who forgets to put water in they noodles?” He sighed as he shook his head. I haven’t ate cup noodles in so long.I wanted to laugh, but I knew O was really mad because he hates the whole burnt smell.

“This shit ain’t funny. Knowing you, the house will probably be burnt down or shot up by next week! You need to be more responsible, damn.” He snapped as I scrunched up my face.

“Someone’s got an attitude..” I mumbled as he came from back around the corner. I didn’t feel like arguing, that would defeat the purpose of me smoking that blunt.

“Don’t nobody got no fucking attitude, I’m just tired of living with an irresponsible ass little girl. You broke my fucking trophy and you expect me not to be mad? Fuck outta here.” His 5'11 frame towered over me. I sorta kinda was being lazy to get up and throw my bottle away, so I tried to throw it in the trash can, but it ended up knocking down one of O’s trophies.

“And did I not apologize? You bringing it up 1000 times isn’t gonna bring it back O, you don’t have to rub it in my face. You act like I did it on pur-” he cut me off. I hated when people cut me off. That’s so rude.

“That’s not the fucking point! You don’t understand how much that shit meant to me! Damn I swear sometimes I wish we never ran into each other again.” He spat as it felt like my heart fell outta my chest.

“That’s how you feel?” I asked as I folded my arms over my chest. I knew I shouldn’t have moved in with him. I should’ve just got my own place like I planned on doing when I came out here for the first time.

Ignoring me, he walked off to his room before slamming the door. I can’t believe he said that. As much as I tried to hold back my tears, they didn’t hesitate to fall. God, I hated crying. Coming from Odell, that shit really stung. “Aye O, you got some rub- what’s wrong wit you?” Jaylen barged through the front door. He stopped in his tracks once he noticed me crying.

Great, now I have to hear his mouth. “Nothing Jaylen, I just wanna be alone right now.” I sighed as I jogged upstairs to my room. I guess I could finish watching Netflix since I was rudely interrupted.

Opening my laptop, I tried to turn it on but then I realized it was dead. Looking around for my charger, it was no where to be found.

“Where the hell is my laptop charger?” I asked myself as I thought about the last place I had it. I haven’t got on it recently, but I remember getting on Jaylen’s. I think I used it for his cause I remember him telling me that his broke. Sucking my teeth, I slid into my pink bunny slippers before going next door.

I didn’t bother knocking, because I knew his door was always unlocked. I don’t think he was here anyways, it was awfully quiet. Making my way to his room, I stopped once I seen him laid up with a girl while he was playing in her hair. This fucking hoe. I just wanted to throw a book at him, but he wasn’t my nigga.

“Jaylen, you seen my lap-” Before I could finish my sentence, he jumped up.

“Shit! Rob, do you fucking knock?!” He snapped as I scrunched up my face. I should be the one with an attitude, he just snatched my soul last night now he hugged up with someone else. I should’ve known.

“When do I ever knock? Just shut your stupid ass up. You mad cause you caught.” I rolled my eyes. I noticed the girl looking at me. She was gorgeous, I couldn’t even lie.

“Caught how? You ain’t my fucking girl.” He spat as my eyes widened. The audacity.. Slowly nodding, I chuckled bitterly before walking over to the nightstand. As he looked at me with a mug on his face, I swear I wanted to slap him. How dare he? He better not ever say shit to me.

Grabbing my charger, I walked out, pushing past Jaylen in the process. I couldn’t wait to tell Quavo about this bullshit. Slamming Jaylen’s door, I pulled out my phone before walking back into our living room.

I need to be sleep for my shoot tomorrow morning anyways. I don’t have time to be thinking about Jaylen.

**

“Girl, you are like a natural today!” My photographer boosted me, as everyone else agreed. I just had a lot on my mind today, so for right now this shit was a piece of cake. Modeling wasn’t something I always wanted to do. I didn’t really get interested until I was about 15.

I remember my mom would always tell me how pretty I was and how I could rock anything I wore. I didn’t have the best self-esteem, so after she continuously filled my head up with that.. I grew interested. I remember her telling me modeling was something she always wanted to do, but she ended up getting pregnant with me. Luckily, she started her own modeling agency which is one of the top agencies in the world. Wilhelmina.

Years later here I am modeling for Vogue, Balenciaga, Balmain, Puma, and etc. I just wish my mom was here to see all of this, I know she’d be proud.

 "Aaaaaaaand, that’s a wrap for today!“ He called out as everyone clapped, making me smile. The thought of going home and lying down in my bed sounded like the best thing ever right now.

Nothing was better than my bed. Saying my goodbyes to everyone, I went in one of the dressing rooms to change into some more comfortable clothes. Once I was done, I packed all of my stuff in a duffle bag and grabbed my phone to call Winter. I refused to drive the car that that hoe Jaylen bought me. He can have that shit back. I didn’t want anything to do with him. The way he tried to stunt on me like he didn’t know what I was talking about really pissed me off. Fucking coon.

“Hello?” She answered sounding like she was stuffing her mouth. I still wasn’t on talking terms with O and the only person I had left was Winter because Qua wasn’t in town.

“I’m ready now..”

“Oh girl I’m in the parking lot. I seen this seafood spot and you know my fat ass had to go in there and check it out. I been in my car eating this whole time.” Her greedy ass.. I couldn’t blame her though. Food was life.

“Okay here I come.” I hung up as I spotted her Barbie Pink Jeep from a distance.

“What you doing later?” I asked as I hopped in the car. Literally. Jeeps were hard to get in if you were short.

“Going out for drinks, I ain’t turned up in a minute.” “Girl please, you know you get like Wanda when you get drunk.” I joked in a serious matter, referring to Wonda from Holiday Heart. Whenever Winter gets drunk, it’s makes everyone wonder what the hell she was drinking or if it was even alcohol. This bitch is crazy when she’s drunk.

“I do not act like that. I’m classy.” She denied as I gave her the ‘yea ok’ look. Turning up the radio, I sat back in my sleep and drifted off to sleep.

When we got home, Jaylen was sitting on the couch writing in a notebook. Once he heard us, he looked up at me.

“Hey Robyn.” He tried to greet me as Winter and I walked through the door. Ignoring him, I went in the kitchen to get the food that I had got from Olive Garden yesterday. It was barely  any left, but I wasn’t that hungry anyways. I just thought that my nap would be much better if I ate something first.

“You ain’t hear me speak?” He asked as he stood behind me. His hot ass breath was all on my neck.

“Jaylen if I were you, I’d move. Your hot ass breath is burning my neck.” I warned him because I honestly wanted to just punch him in the face one good time. I’ve been wanting to for the longest. I don’t understand why he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did. To top everything off, he didn’t even apologize..

“Why you acting like this?“ 

“BECAUSE OF YOU! HOW DO YOU GIVE ME HEAD AND THEN GO LAY UP WITH ANOTHER BITCH NOT EVEN A FEW HOURS LATER! THEN YOU HAD THE NERVE TO STUNT ON ME? Fuck you Jaylen, you don’t deserve me at all. Not even as a friend.” I yelled as he looked down at the floor. He didn’t have shit to say. It’s not even just about the head part either. He was spending all this time with me, flirting and shit when he already had someone all along. So I feel played.

“I don’t even see why you trippin’ though.. like you act like I cheated on you some shit. I’m single, I can do what I want.” He stated, causing me to chuckle bitterly. Without thinking, I slapped the dog shit out of him.

“That’s what you get, ugly ass.” I heard Winter laugh from the living room. “Bit-” He cut his sentence short, because he knows I’d beat his ass again if he would’ve let that word slip. Looking at me one last time, he touched his face again before leaving.

I should’ve known he wasn’t shit from the first time we met. I’m about to start looking for somewhere else to stay right now. I can’t stand to stay here any longer.

**

Making a quick trip to Walmart, I went in to grab a few things I could eat as a snack once I found another hotel to stay at.  "Yo,“ I heard a male voice behind me. Turning around to face him, I noticed that he was a cutie.

"Yea?”

“Ion’ know how to say this but.. you got a big ass pool of blood on the back of ya pants. You good?” He stated as my heart sunk. The feeling of embarrassment took over my body.

Not knowing what to say, I just grabbed my basket and power walked away to my car.

“Yo, chill! It’s fine, you can use my jacket!” He called out before catching up to me. Hesitating at first, I wasted no time in tying his jacket around my waist.

“You drove?” He asked as he looked down at me trying to tie the jacket around my waist. I feel really bad because now he’s gonna have blood on his jacket. I mean yea, I can always wash it out but still.

“Caught an Uber.”

“Well.. you safe wit me, I promise.” He assured. Well, it was just as if I was taking an Uber because he was a stranger also so I guess it wouldn’t hurt if he drove me home. Plus it was free.

“Thank you so much, really. I can buy you another ja-”

“Nah, its cool. I’m glad that I could help. You sure you good though? That was a lot of uh.. blood.” He said as we walked over to his car. Opening up the door for me, he watched me get in before closing it. What a gentleman. Nice to know that chivalry still exists.

“Yea its normal.. unfortunately.” “Damn.. this why I got mad respect for women. I know it gotta be hard being one. I grew up in a household full of em’.”

“We need more men like you then, cause niggas be quick to be disrespectful as hell to us.” I shook my head as he laughed.

“What’s ya name?” He asked as he started up the car, handing me his phone to type my address in.

“Robyn, you?” I smiled as I handed him his phone back.

“Kai.” He smiled back, dimples deepening and all.

“Where are you from?” I just had to ask, because I could hear some New York in the way he talks. I grew up here for a few years so I know.

“You trying to be funny?” He rose an eyebrow as he looked over at me. “Not at all..”

“Brooklyn..” he stated as I nodded. I knew it.

“Well we here now..” he said as his car came to a stop. I didn’t even want to get out because the seats were so comfortable. I wonder what he does to have a car like this..

“I don’t even wanna go home..” I sighed, making him laugh. His laugh was actually cute. He’s the first guy I know that doesn’t have that Windex bottle laugh.

“I would say you could come to ma crib, but you don’t know me like that and I don’t know if you’d be comfortable or not.” He explained as I shrugged. Any where was better than being in a place with Odell.

“I’ll stay for a little while, but you mind taking me back home?” I asked as he shrugged. I needed to go buy my own car ASAP. I hated depending on people.

“That’s cool..”

“Well, I wanna atleast shower first so you wanna come in?”

“Uh.. yea.” He said as he turned his car off. Getting out, I led the way up to the elevator.

“I ain’t getting on that shit, a nigga will take the stairs.” He backed away as I furrowed my eyebrows. This nigga was like 6'5, don’t tell me he’s scared of elevators. We’re too old for that.

“Why not?”

“Girl you ain’t seen that movie called Devil? Fuck that.” A loud laugh immediately escaped my lips.

“Really? It was just a movie, it isn’t real.” “Nah, ion’ care I’m still taking the stairs. I’ll meet you or some shit.” I rolled my eyes and went towards the stairs with himZ

“And you call yourself a thug, huh?” I laughed as I shook my head.

“So I can’t be scared of dying in a elevator? I ain’t tryna go out like dat. I could atleast get shot or sum, but elevator? Nah B.” The fact that he was dead serious was funny.

“You are a mess.” As I reached the last stair, I dramatically sighted because I was really tired. I go up these things sometimes, so I don’t understand how I don’t have a fat ass yet.

“You’re not tired?”

“Nah, this ain’t shit. Try running’ track and playing ball all ya life.”

“You play sports?” He seemed like a pretty boy that just liked the sport, but didn’t play it.

“Not anymore.. You don’t notice this limp in my walk? I had broke my leg and ever since then a nigga been scared to get back on the court/track. It ain’t gone be the same.” He explained as I studied his legs. He walked with a little dab of a limp, but you couldn’t really tell unless he pointed it out.

“You can’t give up that easily..” I told him as I stopped in front of the door so I could unlock it.

“This all you?” He asked as he walked further into the condo. I hope Nut 1 and Nut 2 weren’t here. I knew they would give him a hard time.

“No, my brother lives here.” I rolled my eyes as I sat my purse on the counter. Going up the stairs, I stopped once I realized he was still looking at everything in the living room. “You coming?”

“Oh yea.” He chuckled as he trailed behind me. Opening up the door to my room, smiled because it was just the way I left it.

“Damn yo room look like some sex would be bomb in here.” He said as he sat on my bed. Waving him off, I looked in my drawers to grab a new pair of underwear and some clothes to change in.

“You need me to run you some bath water?” He asked as he kicked his shoes off. I see he gets comfortable easily.

“Aww you’re so sweet, but no thanks. I already asked my brother girlfriend to run it.” I had text Winter while I was in the car.

Sneaking off into the bathroom, I lit a candle before throwing my clothes in the hamper. I need to throw them in the washer when I get out. I needed a blunt so bad, and I didn’t know if he like the smell of weed or not so I was gonna do it in here while I was in the tub.

As I stepped foot in the tub, my body immediately relaxed due to the hot and soothing water. I really needed this. “Yo, you loud then a bitch.” I heard Kai’s voice as I started coughing up a storm. I don’t know why my dumbass thought he wasn’t gonna be able to smell it.

“Kai!” I called out as he peeked his head in the bathroom a few seconds later. Luckily, my tits were small as shit so the bubbles were covering everything up.

“Wanna hit?” I asked with a smile on my face. He sat on top of the toilet and took the blunt from my hands. As soon as he inhaled it, his lungs gave up on him.

“Damn girl, fuck is this?” He coughed loudly as I busted out laughing. I honestly didn’t even know what it was, but this shit was good as hell. It was some weed Jaylen  gave me a few days ago.

“That good shit.” I said lowly with my eyes closed.

“Do you even smoke?” I asked as I opened one eye. He damn near lost his life when he took that first puff, so I knew he didn’t smoke on the regular. That’s cute though.

“Occasionally..” he replied as I nodded. I could relate. I wasn’t a stoner, but I had my days where I needed to smoke and lately I’ve been needing to.

“Here, you can have the rest I’m gonna finish bathing.” I told him as I handed the blunt back to him. Taking it, he got up and went back in my room so I could bathe.

After lying in the tub, I let all of the water out and went over to the shower. I showered for atleast 30 minutes, before getting out. Rubbing my body down with Shea Butter, I started to put on my clothes.

When I opened the door, I noticed Kai sprawled out across my bed. He looked like he was sleeping. “Kai? Are you dead?” I asked as I poked him.

“Nah,” He paused before laughing.

“A nigga just thinking.”

“Oh well.. I’m ready to go.”

“Aight let me find my phone.” He said as he turned the flashlight from his phone on to look under my bed. He was high as shit.

“Kai.. it’s in your hand.” I palmed myself as he looked at me before looking at his hand. He busted out laughing before grabbing his keys.

“Oh shit, I didn’t even see it.” Closing the door behind us, we made our way outside to his car. Opening the door for me, I got in as he closed it afterwards. Once he was in, he started the car and pulled off before turning his radio up. He was blasting MoneyBagg Yo.

Bobbing my head to the music, I looked at all the surroundings as I waited for him to reach his house. After what seemed like forever, we pulled up to this gigantic house. I know he doesn’t live here by himself..

“Kai! What do you do?” I exclaimed as I got out of the car and ran to the door like an kid in a candy store. I don’t know how he stays in this big house by himself. You could easily get lost in here, that’s how big it is.

“Don’t like to brag.. but ya boy got money.”  He smirked as he took his keys out to unlock the door.

“How? Can’t be drug money, cause you seem like a good boy.” I said as he stepped aside to let me go in first. It looked even better on the inside.

“Girl at all, and I own 10 different barber shops all across the U.S.” He said as he rubbed his hands like Birdman.

“Seriously?” That was fucking dope.

“Deadass.” He states causing me to chuckle. Admiring his house, I started to look at some of the pictures that was on the wall. I noticed that there was a little girl in almost every picture. His daughter?

“Who’s this?”

“My beautiful baby girl…” He said with a smile on his face. I was going to ask where was she, but he beat me to it.

“She uh… died a few years ago.” He said as he stared at the biggest picture of them two above the couch. It was honestly beautiful. She was the splitting image of him.

“Wow, I’m sorry.” I frowned. I didn’t want to ask him how, because I felt as if that was too personal or maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. Who would?

“Yea, you thirsty though?”

“Yes, do you have any Tea?” He nodded as I followed him into the kitchen. His whole crib was nice. I’d love to have a place like this.

“I love these!” I yelled excitedly as I seen the chili lime pistachios in a bowl on the table.

“Everybody does, that’s why I keep them there.”

“Here, we finna go in my room.” He said as he handed me my cup of tea and led me to a corner where his room was. I wonder what was upstairs then.

“Your room is even better!” I gasped as I stood at the door in shock. His room was so interesting and cozy looking. I loved dark areas.

“It’s ight.. wanna watch a movie or some shit?” He asked as he went up the stairs to get to his bed.

“Let’s watch Baby Boy.” I suggested as he looked at me before laughing. I know that movie comes on BET 24/7 but I was just in the mood to watch it.

Kicking off my slides, it was indeed cold in here so I’m glad I had some socks and a big hoodie on. Climbing in the bed, I watched him as he looked through a collection of movies.

Once he found what he was looking for, he put it in before cutting the lights off and getting in the bed. “Your bed is so comfortable.” I said as I closed my eyes and laid back on the pillows.

“Watch this.” A few seconds later the bed felt like a vibrating chair causing me to moan lowly. I needed this bed. Now.

“Kai, I would kill for this bed.” Since I was in heaven right now, I started to drift of to sleep before the movie even started. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind. He knew what he was doing when he cut the vibrating thing on.

“Lil mama..” I heard Kai’s voice in my ear as he shook me.

Groaning, I turned the other way so he could leave me alone. His bed was so comfortable and I wasn’t getting up for nothing. “I thought you wanted me to take you home.”

“No I wanna stay..” I mumbled.

“Well shit don’t be trying to wake a nigga up in the A.M. then, cause I’m telling you once I’m sleep it’s like I’m dead.” He said as he turned the TV off. Good, because I hated sleeping with the TV on unless I was home alone. I felt the bed get lighter, so I’m guess he got up but I didn’t care.

“Ima be in the guest room. You can sleep in here.” I heard him say.

I was too tired to say anything back. I’ll just call an Uber in the morning.                                                     

[wazm]

kinda lost blog

I just wish to feel genuine joy in my life. I'm so afraid of chasing my goals cos what if I get to where I need to be and it's not exactly what I want. nevermind trying to reach for my goals cos I've been doing that..working every day..trying to bring myself closer to my goals but fail...struggling to sit down and just write music...i can't get myself to do it... I can't get myself to create anything.. I procrastinate the things I'm supposed to do with irrelevant big tasks..trying to distract myself constantly... I just feel empty inside...

what makes my hallow chest even deeper is the fact that all my relationships remind me of the bad decisions I've made..and theyre, not even bad decisions..its just meh...average..nothing worthwhile noting really..combined with abunch of negative outcomes...like he fact that i know a shit ton of people but i have zero real friends...i once had a friend who knew me for more than 7 years but he never exactly knew his boundaries...he’d show up to my house unannounced...id never get space...but at least i still had a friend..id do countless favors for him and never ask him anything in return but giving me space...one time i tried distancing myself from him and when i started to notice, he got so offended...after this happened, we never spoke to months...probs the longest time apart since we’ve been friends...then we kinda rekindled things...and he decided to plan a guys trip to bring us closer together...trip was okay...but ended really bad...he blocked me off everything..games, facebook, whatsapp...everything...he lives up the road from me...but ive never seen him since....idk if its a blessing or a curse...i hope things are okay with him...he wasnt the smartest but he was smart enough to comprehend certain sitautions ive been going through...good enough for me to vent to and console me...thats kinda all i need sometimes...but no more of that...he was kinda my bridge to a group of other friends we had...and after the boys trip it was like i lost everyone..social life took a hard knock...im sorry..just wish you trusted me more...

i tried filling the void by making my gf do things i did with my friends...never went down well...she just seems like someone who never knows how to have fun anymore..we used to have interesting chats..i was so inlove with her, I never saw her flaws...and she taught me this word “resentment”...well its not tht i never saw her flaws...i just chose to ignore them..and told myself that things will get better, and she’ll grow..and change...but i feel like shes been making me more like her since we’ve been dating...i swear i did so much things before her...but we’ve been together so long, i dont even know who that person is anymore...i bet, even if i left her, i wouldnt be able to bounce back...and the odd thing is that, when we started dating almost 5 years ago, i made it our philosphy that we are individuals in a relationship, we are not the relationship but it seems like she wasnt even herself back then and started being me...and now its like, shes nothing without me and my whole life has grown so much onto her, i kinda feel the same in return...just less attached to her since i felt like i was feeding her nucleas...might be exaggerating but homegirl cant initiate anything without me. nevermind choosing a meal when we go out, she cant even make a plan without needing 90% input from my side...and thats how most things are between us...if shes upset, ill fix it...risk my life and beyond to fix it...physically have done this many times before...walked from my house to hers at 2am in the morning, through the ghettos, more than a kilometer away..even been gun pointed and got things stolen from me, just to make her feel better when she was upset in the middle of the night...im not expecting that in return but she lits does the bare minimum in return...id be sad, then she be like...awww...im sad you’re sad...done..thats it...she’d lits be like...what can i do to fix things....again wanting my input...i might as well be dating myself...idk why im with this girl anymore...i hurt inside everytime i tell her i love her...cos i just dont anymore...and its been like this for a while...i wish she found this post and decided to leave me..cos i cant leave her...ive broken her heart so many times and told her i wanted to leave but i just end up coming back to her cos im sucha fucking pussy seeking some sort of social acceptence or friendship and i feel like shes all i have rn...not much of a gf hey...but its not like im worth anything either...idk...im so paranoid shes cheated on me in the past cos shes lied to me in the past and told me 3 years later about those lies...you know when someone lies to you and then when you find out about the lies and you ask why’d you do it and shes like...idk...i just feel like its lies ontop of lies...really cant trust her....i wish i had it in me to cheat on her...but i just dont like most females...id be infatuated with someone but would be put off so easily by the slightest thign...things would make so much sense if i was secretly gay but im not...the longer i seem to be in this place, the deeper im digging my grave...i feel like the time with my almost 5 year relationship feels like its getting harder to leave the longer i stay in it....i really dont know what to do...but i feel like i fuck up most of my relationships...not just my romantic one...

my relationship with my parents are just a nightmare...same goes for my other family members...and you know what...i do so much for people...countless favors...countless volunteer jobs...extra miles for people who wont even move an inch for me...but just let me mention this to anyone, then im in the wrong...i just feel like i cant voice any shortcomings to anyone and im made out to be the bad guy for doing this....whether its my parents or my sisters...id do everything for them, and i do everything for them, even things they dont ask me for...but let me raise an opinion that doesnt resonate with them, and it turns into an argument and if i decide to step out before things get sour, im still made out to be the bad guy cos how dare i do something so rude....i just feel like no1 wants to listen to me at all...for my last birthday i tried staying away from my family and decided to work on a few movies with my friends and i had fun, we arent the closes friends but, campus friends...theyre actually in a whole other faculty..so we just barely know eachother but we’ve worked on movies before and thats kinda our history together as friends....so its my birthday and i agreed to work with them on this day...all day..from like 7am until almost 10pm..and my family, not communicating with me, decides to go out for supper for my birthday...and just expects me to leave this project im working on for them...so they invite people to join them for this birthday supper...without having me there...anyways after i finished my day shooting, i was pretty smug about working instead of spending the day with my family...and on the last few moments of my birthday my sister makes a shitty comment, wanting me to shut the fuck up cos she doesnt have the energy to listen to my voice..it really broken my heart, how my whole birthday was spoilt in moments....wish she couldve just waited a tiny bit longer...i wouldve been happy with that..but naa...no1 wants to listen to anything i have to say, let alone have me around in their presence....i just feel like starting a new life somewhere else...and thats kinda what i had planned...

really thought i was going to leave south africa and immigrate to australia to go sound study there...filled in all the paper work...spoke back-and-forth with the uni over there and they extended the communication so long, i thought things were set...seemed like i was so close to getting the big change ive been seeking for so long...but they sent me this stinky ���ol email with extra modules id have to do and the tuition fees went from $11,000 to $35,000 which is ridiculous as my countries currency isnt australian dollars and is 10 units weaker than theirs...never in my life have i ever felt like money defined my life...lits had my life in limbo cos i was waiting for responses from this people...and when i finally got a response it was too late to apply at the local college...idk what im doing this year...i tried looking for work online, but no response...made ads for work on fiverr...tried upwork, tried quickengig...even rev...all these sites people advertise as quick ways to make money....a bunch of lies...i made $0, 3 weeks going now. nothing. i even invested in making a business logo, wrote descriptions...adjusted my ads multiple times...still...blue ticks from the online work field...i applied for jobs ive seen on indeed and on gumtree and jobfinder....but no response...nothing...blue ticked...ima say luckily im working part-time for this events company and its kinda an opportunity to network with the sound industry but the live sound industry is filled with racist pricks who patronize you when you’ve done the time to learn the work they know...so no work online freelancing, no work applying for work..no work physically meeting people...really makes me feel like this isnt a viable option for me...cant even study locally or internationally anymore...

im just so lost...alone..hurt..wish someone would save me the way ive saved others before..